#it's been a few months since i've last done it so honestly the fact i got 42 on my first try

[chahnniesroom]

hoju (home)

pairing: bang chan x female reader

summary: even though chan has been living in korea for so many years, he still considers australia to be home. when he finally has the opportunity to go back and visit, he can't wait to bring you along and introduce you to the people and places that he grew up with.

word count: 4.3k

warnings: none :)

a/n: hoju (호주) is the korean word for australia.

this was a request from my sweet 🦦 anon! thank you for the inspiration, i had fun writing this and i hope that it meets your expectations. sorry that i did not write this in chan's pov 😅 as usual, please let me know if there are any typos or mistakes because i didn't have the chance to proofread 🥲

read it on ao3 | masterlist

Chan has been acting strange lately. Not enough that you're worried, just a little bit suspicious. He's never tried to hide what tabs he has open on his phone before and he's looked deep in thought quite a few times, but when you ask what he's thinking of, he changes the topic quickly. You're curious, but trust that Chan will talk to you when he's ready. Still, you can't quite ignore all of the changes in behaviour.

It's the same tonight. When you look up during dinner, Chan's just stirring around the noodles in his plate, only taking a bite every so often. You frown, trying to think of if you've done anything differently to prepare the food in a way that he doesn't like, but it tastes the same to you as usual. You rule out a lack of appetite, as he had just commented that he was starving while you were cooking.

“Is everything okay?” you ask hesitantly, after a few more minutes have passed.

“What?” Chan looks up, startled by the sound of your voice. “Oh no, everything's fine! Just… thinking.”

“Is it about work? Did something happen?” You know that Chan has been busier than usual this month, the boys have some time off in a few weeks and everybody is scrambling to get things finished in the meantime. You've also requested vacation at work, although so far you and Chan haven't planned anything. In fact, he's been a little bit cagey when you've brought up the topic. You try not to think much of it and really, it's just nice to be able to spend extra time together.

Honestly, you wouldn't be surprised if Chan has found out that his break has been cut short or even cancelled. It's rare that they’re able to have more than a few days off at a time which is why you had been so shocked when Chan had let you know that they didn't have schedules for a period of almost three weeks.

It would provide an explanation to everything that you've observed the past few days, you know that he would try his best to fix things before he had to tell you the bad news.

“Well-”

“It's okay if you found out you can't take time off,” you reassure him. “I understand that it's all up to the company and sometimes they change their mind at the last minute. I can just let my work know and take my vacation another time, I'm sure they might even be happy if I'm still around next month.”

“No!” Chan says, his eyes wide in panic. “We still have time off! Don't worry about that. It's actually- How would you feel about visiting Australia with me?”

It's your turn to stare at Chan in shock.

“Australia?”

“Yeah, it's been a while since I went back and-” Chan breaks eye contact, rubbing the back of his neck nervously. “I thought it'd be nice if I could introduce you to my family, in person.”

“You want me to meet your family? In Australia?” you repeat, dumbly.

“Only if you feel comfortable!” Chan says hurriedly. “I looked into tickets, but didn't book anything yet so it's totally up to you. I also wanted to check if my family was available beforehand and it's pretty good timing actually. If you don't want to, then it's totally fine, I'll probably go for either way and I think Felix is also considering it. It's just that we've been together for a while now and I've met your family and I know that my mom basically considers you to be her daughter-”

“I want to go,” you interrupt, not wanting Chan to spiral further. “I was just surprised, I guess, but of course I want to accompany you.”

Chan brightens at that, then grabs his computer, unlocking it and opening up a spreadsheet. As it loads, he reaches for his chopsticks and takes a huge bite of food. You can't help but smile fondly at the sight of his cheeks bulging with food as he chews, relieved that his appetite is back.

“I didn’t want to get too far ahead of myself, but I was looking at flights, and I think that if we leave on a Tuesday, it might be best. It means we can enjoy the weekend here and still have time to pack everything,” he explains excitedly. “It'll be less busy at the airport too, which will be nice, and it works out well with my parents’ schedules anyway.”

You hum in acknowledgement, content to follow along and take mental notes as Chan reads out everything else that he's thought of so far. He continues planning for the rest of the evening, trailing behind you as you clean up and do your nightly routine, only stopping to help you when you do the dishes and put away the laundry. It's cute how animated he becomes, putting together a long list of all the sites and restaurants that he wants to show you.

You can tell that he's still thinking of it as the two of you curl up in bed that night, every so often you feel him jolt behind you and turn to reach for the little pad of paper and pencil that he often keeps on his nightstand.

Eventually, you turn over and squint at him. He doesn't even pretend to be asleep.

“Hi,” he whispers. “Sorry if I'm keeping you awake.”

“Sleep,” you murmur tiredly. “We have lots of time to plan, get some rest for now and we can talk more tomorrow.”

Chan starts to protest, but you just nuzzle closer, pulling his hands to wrap around you. As you drift off to sleep, you can feel that Chan has finally relaxed too.

—

The two of you spend the first day of break slowly, sleeping in and having a lazy meal of bibimbap from all the banchan taking up space in your fridge. You only venture out of the apartment for dinner, going to your favourite local restaurant that you visit so often that the owner starts making your meals the second that the two of you step through the door. The next couple of days are also easygoing, consisting of shopping, watching dramas, and eventually preparing for your trip.

Throughout the drive to the airport and making your way through security and to your gate, you can tell Chan's a bit on edge even though you and Felix try to assure him that everything will be fine. The three of you are in incognito mode, wearing hats, face masks, and plain clothes but Chan’s still scanning your surroundings the whole time. You, on the other hand, can't help but be excited, bouncing at his side so much that he loops his arm over your shoulders to try and calm you down. Felix is more relaxed and laughs at the stark contrast between the both of you, even filming parts of it since he’s getting footage for a vlog. Luckily you know that any content with you in it is likely to be edited out and don’t bother to hide your eagerness.

While Chan is used to travelling often for concerts and other overseas schedules, you've rarely visited places outside of Korea and have certainly never flown business class. You squeeze Chan's hand when you see your seats, thrilled at the idea of having so much leg room and a divider between the two of you that can also be fully lowered. It keeps you entertained for the whole time before the plane takes off, taking pictures together and reclining your seat up and down until the seatbelt sign turns on.

The flight is over 10 hours, so it doesn't take long before you move your attention to browsing the menu that's available and scrolling through all of the movies on the in-flight entertainment system. Shortly after the dinner meal is served, you start to doze off. Wanting to make the most of the experience, you insist to Chan that you'll be able to stay awake to watch another movie with him, but only make it through the first 30 minutes before you wake up to a dark screen.

You blink up blearily as a flight attendant starts making their way through the aisles, handing out customs forms for everyone to fill out. When you receive yours, you stare at it for a few seconds before realising the problem is not the fact that you're still adjusting to being awake.

“Oh no,” you whisper in horror, causing Chan to glance over at you, concerned.

“What happened?” he asks.

“I didn’t think about practising English before this trip,” you reply, distress leaking into your voice. “The last time that I wrote anything in English was when I was in secondary school… I'm not going to survive in Australia!”

“Hey, it's not an issue, I'll be with you the whole time! You don't have to worry about any of that. And you know enough conversational English to get by, I know you do,” Chan says soothingly.

You refuse to be comforted, burying your face into your hands.

“How am I going to face your parents when I barely know anything other than ‘hi, how are you?’” you moan. “I'm not even going to make it through customs! They're going to arrest me when I can't answer any of their questions!”

You know that you're exaggerating, but it makes Chan laugh so hard that tears gather in the corners of his eyes. You try to keep up your act, but end up dissolving into laughter too at the way that Chan is trying so hard to stay quiet, not wanting to bring attention to you two.

Contrary to your fears, you manage to deplane, get through customs, and collect your luggage without any major issues. You had a moment of anxiety when Chan and Felix split up from you since you have to go into the lineup for foreign passports, but you are somehow able to fumble your way through the conversation with the border officer without being detained.

Felix splits up with you shortly after, you see that his tiredness from the long flight melts away the second that he sees his family. He gives you and Chan both a quick hug to say goodbye before running out to meet them.

Chan lights up in a similar way when he finally spots his parents. They're waiting in the pick-up zone and waves the two of you over quickly. You barely get the chance to say hi before Chan’s mother is enveloping you into a hug.

“It’s so nice to finally meet you,” she says warmly. “Come on, let’s take you home.”

The drive is fairly short and it feels like no time at all before you’re approaching the house. The second that the front door opens, you hear a distinctive scrabble of claws against hardwood before Berry shoots towards Chan, tail wagging furiously. Chan immediately kneels down to give her better access, laughing when she stands on her hind legs to lick at his face.

Once she’s finished with that, she turns to you, barking curiously before moving closer. You stick out a hand for her to get an idea of your scent and try not to jump when you feel the cool, damp press of her nose against your palm. Whatever Berry smells, she approves of, giving you a few quick licks before running back to Chan.

“She’s so cute!” you exclaim, pulling out your phone so that you can take a picture of the reunion. You don't think that Chan even hears you, caught up in talking to Berry, giving her kisses and allowing her to do the same.

“I'll help you with your bags,” Chan's father says from beside you, easily lifting them out of your hands and motioning for you to enter the house. You exchange greetings with both of Chan's siblings as you remove your shoes, familiar with them through video calls and the one time that you met Hannah when she was travelling in Korea.

Chan’s family recently moved so this was also Chan’s first time seeing the house in person, the two of you trailing behind Chan’s father as he gave you a brief tour of the first floor before leading you upstairs. When you get to the guest room that you'll be staying in, Hannah pops her head in.

“Chris doesn’t spend enough time in Australia to have his own room in this house, so you guys are in this room.” She eyes you for a moment and based on the mischievous smile that’s growing, you can guess what she’s about to say. “Y/n, if you get sick of him, then feel free to stay with me instead!”

“Hey!” Chan complains, not even looking up from where he’s unpacking his bag. He grabs onto one of his shirts and chucks it at Hannah, but she easily dodges, throwing one of her slippers at him in retaliation. It hits Chan right in the chest and he looks at her in disbelief. He abandons his task in favour of chasing her throughout the house. You don't follow after, but you hear as their yelling and laughter echoes through the halls.

It’s refreshing to see Chan at home, no matter how comfortable Chan is with the rest of the kids, he’s still the leader of the group and the oldest member and the dynamic of their relationship reflects that. Even though it has barely been a few hours, you’re relieved to find that Chan has left behind the stresses of being an idol and can instead just be a son and an older brother.

His parents are hilarious and kind, it’s easy to see how Chan’s personality is a reflection of the environment that he was raised in. During dinner, you laugh at the way Chan pouts dramatically when Chan’s father pretends to forget about Chan when serving the food and how he groans in pleasure when he finally gets to taste his mother's cooking after so long. Hannah and Lucas continually crack jokes as you eat, especially if they're at Chan's expense and he pretends that he doesn't find them funny.

—

One afternoon you find Chan fiddling with the camera that he’s brought with him. You step up behind him, resting your chin on his shoulder and wrapping your arms around his waist.

“Are you planning on filming tonight?” you ask, knowing that Chan was always careful to alert everyone in the house beforehand.

“Not today,” he replies. “Probably tomorrow, when I take out Berry for her morning walk. Did you want to join?”

“Of course!”

“I was thinking of going right after breakfast, before it gets too hot out,” he says as he pulls out the camera battery and fits it into the charger.

“Anywhere in particular you wanted to go?”

“Mmm, maybe by the water? There's a path that's not too far away. I don't want anything that's too close to the house, you know?”

“Good idea.”

“Are you planning on putting it into a vlog?” you ask curiously. "You haven't been filming much.”

"Actually…”

“What? You're making me nervous.”

“I was hoping to use it for a music video,” Chan says sheepishly.

“What?! I'm not qualified for that!! I can't- you need to find someone else-”

“No no, it's going to be fine! It's for a record, not like, an actual music video.”

“I don't know,” you say, still feeling hesitant.

“I promise, I'm going for the casual vibes and it's either you or like, my eomma, and I guarantee that you would do a better job.”

“Okay,” you say reluctantly. “But I can't guarantee it'll come out well.”

“Thank you! I know it'll be great,” Chan says, showering you with kisses in gratitude until you're squirming away.

—

The next morning, Chan’s parents are out, leaving all the kids to prepare food on their own. It's a little chaotic, but you manage to cobble together a decent meal. It's a lot of fun to see how Chan and his siblings interact without their parents around to mediate. You're amazed by how similar the three are, not only in appearance but also the way they behave.

Although much younger, Lucas shares a strong resemblance to Chan, especially once he smiles and shows off matching dimples. They quickly disappear once Chan reaches out and musses up his hair playfully as you’re all cleaning up.

“Chris, stop it,” he complains, pushing his older brother away before trying to fix the strands that are all over the place. It only encourages Chan to move closer, wrapping his arms around his brother and lifting him into the air. When trying to wiggle free doesn’t work, he turns pleading eyes to you, knowing Hannah wouldn't step in to help. “Noona! Get him to let me down!”

The two of you had been awkward the first time you had been left alone, it hadn’t helped that Lucas’ Korean could be considered conversational at best and your English was significantly worse, but you had quickly grown close through attempts to tease Chan. Now, it’s easy to treat him like the little brother you never had.

You approach quickly, trying to avoid Lucas’ flailing limbs, and reach out to poke at Chan’s waist. He twitches away from your touch and when you persist in prodding at all his ticklish spots, unwinds one of his arms to swat at your hand.

The distraction is enough for Lucas to break away and he quickly moves out of reach. Instead of chasing after him, Chan turns his focus to you. You back away nervously, but find yourself with nowhere to go. Chan grabs you and easily slings you over your shoulder, ignoring your shrieks of protest.

“Betrayed by my own girlfriend? I should have known that introducing you to my siblings would just be asking for trouble,” he growls in your ear, sending shivers down your spine.

“Hey! Where are you taking me?” You look to see if his siblings are going to rescue you, but they must be trying to avoid Chan's wrath as you don't see either of them as Chan brings you up to the guest room.

“I am enlisting your help,” he says casually, as if he wasn't carrying you up a flight of stairs and dropping you on the bed. “I would like your advice on what to wear for Berry's walk.”

“Ooh,” you say. “Very important business then, I'm honoured that you would ask me.”

It doesn't actually take much time to get ready, the two of you change into clothes for the heat and you just have to convince Chan that he doesn't have to try to do his hair or makeup. The second that you mention to Berry that you're going for a walk, her tail starts wagging non-stop and she even fetches her leash and drops it in front of you.

Chan doesn't give you much direction for filming, just hands you the camera and tells you to capture whatever you want. The two of you walk hand in hand through the neighbourhood, Berry happily exploring the area. As you get further away from the house, you let go of Chan, motioning for him to continue walking as you turn on the camera and get used to it.

By the time you've reached the waterfront, you're feeling more confident and have a better idea of what you like. You try out different angles, feeling a little bit like paparazzi, and after a few minutes, even try directing Chan too. You let him keep going, wanting to see how far away he'll go before he realises that you're not following. He's almost a block away before he turns back.

“You’re smiling, did it come out okay?” Chan asks as he jogs back towards you.

“Yeah, it was great! I was just thinking that Stay are going to go crazy over this,” you tell him.

“They do really like it whenever they get to see Berry,” he says thoughtfully, picking her up and scratching her head. You burst out laughing at that and Chan frowns in response and goes as far as to cover Berry’s ears, insulted on her behalf. “What? Don’t laugh at that, it’s true! Berry is just so cute.”

“I’m not saying that they don’t like Berry, of course they do. I was more referring to the fact that the video is… domestic. Very boyfriend.”

“Ooh you think that's what Stay are interested in?” he asks. “What about this?”

He gestures for you to lift up the camera, and once you're recording, grabs your hand to pull you along behind him. You let out a small noise of surprise as he tugs on your arm, struggling slightly to keep everything steady and ensure your hand is out of frame. At your sound, Chan looks back slightly and bursts into laughter.

“So concentrated, you’re so cute,” he giggles.

“Of course,” you grumble. “I want it to turn out nice.”

“Thank you,” Chan says sincerely, no traces of laughter in his voice. “I really do appreciate it a lot that you're helping me with work even though we're on vacation.”

“Hmm,” you say, turning away from him. “You're just glad that you didn't have to ask Hannah, because she would make fun of you the whole time.”

“That's not true! I mean, it is true that Hannah would do that, but that's not the only reason.” Chan uses your connected hands and pulls you close. “I also wanted to spend time with my favourite person in the whole world.”

“You're lucky I love you so much,” you sniff, still pretending to be annoyed even though you've practically melted into Chan's hug. “Now stop getting distracted, I thought it would look nice if you walked along the sand and there's nobody there right now.”

—

The rest of your time in Sydney is a whirlwind of activities. Chan is determined to take you to all his favourite places in the city and you eat more food than you thought possible. Chan’s family, and sometimes Felix and his family, accompanies you two for a majority of the outings and your initial hesitance interacting with them is replaced by fondness, eased by the way that they treat you like one of their own.

You even have a chance to meet some of Chan’s childhood friends, ones that he kept close with despite the long distance. It feels strange to eat dinner with them. Although they do their best to make you feel welcome, they have a lot of history together and you find yourself struggling to keep up with their conversation, not just because of the language barrier but due to references to people, places, and events that you're unfamiliar with. Regardless, you're glad to finally know the people that Chan grew up with and you love seeing how happy Chan is to be reunited with them.

It’s also nice that while you're meeting so many people, you don't have to hide your relationship at all. In Korea, you and Chan are more careful in public. It’s not totally a secret that you’re dating, but you are more on the cautious side due to the popularity of Stray Kids and inevitable scrutiny from fans. In Australia, Chan has no such reservations, excitedly introducing you as his girlfriend to everyone. It never fails to make you blush, feeling shy, but secretly pleased.

Wherever you go, Chan keeps you close to his side, linking your hands or looping an arm around your shoulders. Throughout the day, he presses kisses to your head or cheek. The first time he does it, you look up at him questioningly. He just shrugs, saying that he’s happy and well, you can’t argue with that.

You don’t want your vacation to end and you know you're not the only one. You and Chan have both procrastinated packing your luggage until the last possible moment, and when you finally do begin, Berry seems to sense it. She starts hiding all of your things- Chan's family members finding them lodged in one of the couch cushions or in her dog bed- and curling up inside your suitcase, making it practically impossible to continue packing.

When Chan enters your shared room and pauses when he sees you staring into the suitcase helplessly. You wave him over so that he can look inside.

“She’s too cute! Look at that little face, how could you disturb her?” you ask.

Chan has no such reservations. He reaches in and gently lifts Berry out, cradling her against his chest so that she can’t jump back in.

“Berry, do you want to come to Korea with us?” he asks patiently. When she licks at his face in reply, he groans and pretends to lower her back into the suitcase. “Ah, I guess we have no choice but to bring you! I think we can sneak you in with the rest of the souvenirs that we’re taking with us.”

Despite Chan’s promises, Berry ends up staying behind, not even joining you on the drive to the airport. You’re lucky that you decide to leave well before your flight is expected to depart as you end up taking almost half an hour saying goodbye to everybody.

You know that you’re going to treasure these memories for a long time and you’re certain that Chan will too. It’s amazing that even though you were only in Australia for a couple weeks, it already feels like a second home.

read it on ao3 | masterlist

[elitadream]

Hi guys~! ⛅👋

Long time no see! Much longer than I ever intended, in fact. Truth be told, I wanted to make a public post sooner, but I've had a lot to catch up on in terms of notifications and messages since logging back in a few days ago. I've also made some changes that I will address shortly, but first of all I wanted to thank those of you who have reached out with so much care and understanding during my absence. Adjusting has been a slow and fragile process for me -still is-, and I sadly haven't responded directly to everyone yet because of it, but I wanted to say how much I appreciate your patience and support nonetheless. 🥹 🙏

Long story short, I was gone for five months due to a huge burnout, then progressively found my spark again somewhere along the way and have since mostly recovered. It was my wonderful friend @drones-of-innocence who reached out to me outside of Tumblr, and her sense of initiative is largely the reason why I managed to make this post in a somewhat reasonable delay. 😅💖 With that said however, I must also mention that I've deleted a lot of stuff from my page and have removed most of my work from the public eye as well. This may seem quite drastic and frankly a little unsettling, but I assure you that it was a thoroughly considered and reasoned decision! The thing is that I was still getting lots of notes on these drawings everyday and… To put it simply, I didn't want that anymore. 🙇‍♀️ Experiencing popularity was very detrimental to me in the long run and I needed to put an end to it for the sake of my own wellbeing; at least for now.

Which brings me to my next point.

After mulling it over for a while, I've decided that I would not be returning as an active creator in the Mario community this time around. 👐 Making fanart for this franchise (with such a high and continuously maintained degree of involvement) had a lot to do with my health's decline and I've come to realize that I wanted to direct my focus elsewhere going forward. For that reason, there are things which I know will never be repeated again in the future, both in regards to my art and online presence in general, but that's alright. Things change, as they do and should. I'm looking forward to reuniting with folks and would be very happy to stay in touch with those of you who wish to message me privately. Like my lovely pal @istadris said, what matters most about any fandom are the friends you make in it. ☺️

And speaking of which-

@ody-and-fanatu That's so sweet of you, thank you! 💗 I'm glad you've enjoyed my contribution to the fandom. It was fun while it lasted! 💫 My visual ideas may be gone from my page, but most of my written posts and replies are still there for anyone who wants to revisit those at least, so there's that! And I'd also like to answer some of the asks I still have in my inbox at some point. Knowing that you hold my art in such high regard makes really happy! 🥰 Unfortunately, the other account that I have is reserved for my professional work and I prefer to keep them separate from one other, but the good thing is that I intend to go back to this blog occasionally. Hoping to see you around! Cheers! 🥂

@heiressofdoodles Thanks, I appreciate that! ✨ I'm honestly doing much better than I was earlier this Spring. Back then, I was running on empty and on the verge of crashing without even knowing it. Being in constant physical pain was one thing, but feeling mentally and emotionally drained on a daily basis was another entirely, and something had to be done. It took me a moment to really figure out what was wrong, but thankfully I realized very quickly what was causing it and applied the breaks with all my might. One of my main priorities now is to be more alert and respect my own boundaries to make sure that this never happens again. 🥲

@keakruiser Thank you. 🙏💐 I'm just glad to have found my footing again. Feels good to be able to create freely.^^ Hope you're doing well too!

Special thanks also to @pianokantzart, @jelly-fish-wishes, @katlyntheartist, @triniji and @wahooitsamee for their kind words. 🫂 Your graciousness and consideration means a lot to me. 💝

As for all the nice people who sent me anon comments and well wishes, I tried to summarize my thoughts as best I could in this update, but if there's anything else you'd like to say or know, don't hesitate to ask me anytime! Now that I feel like myself again, I think I'm gonna hang out on Tumblr for a little bit. I'll be excited to see what you guys have been up to in the meantime! 🤗 Wishing you all a very good day and pleasant Fall. 🍂

-elita 🌸

[17caratssi]

My darling, honey pt 2 ; Jeon Wonwoo

part 1 is here!

You had been married to your teenage crush for three years and it was a wondrous journey added to the fact you just learned that you'd swallowed a watermelon seed.

Wonwoo was still working his ass off during the weekend and after he returned, you began preparing some light breakfast for him.

While he waited at the suffice dining table and stared at your back, he repeatedly expressed his regret as he was unable to spend the weekend together.

"It's fine. We have a lot of time together, don't dwell on it," you reassured albeit knowing he won't feel any better. Wonwoo became one with the silence and you were already used to it. He never spoke unless it was about you or something you asked for his opinion.

You finished with the cooking and he did the plating. Last night, he worked for only four hours but since he was called in the dawn, he felt sleepy quite a bit and you were the opposite.

As you both were eating, he looked at you oddly. You ceased to stop and raised an eyebrow, indicating your curiosity. "Are you done? Just leave the plate and go resume your sleep,"

Wonwoo shook his head and held your hand. Perhaps his palm was radiating so much warmth, you leaned forward in the coziness. "Hun, do you have something to tell me?" you asked.

Presented with ambivalence, Wonwoo took a minute to reply. He thought deeply before saying, "Don't you think I've been resting a lot these days?"

You could tell he was dourly asking. You have read it somewhere that if the husband loves his wife so dearly, he will experience early pregnancy fatigue rather than the wife. Thinking about how it related to his situation, you grinned.

Wonwoo smiled as if he was entranced by your reaction. He gave a gentle rub on your cheek and patted the back of your hand. He then told you to go upstairs and rest as he helped with the dishes.

You didn't refuse and went as he directed. There was nothing in your brain than the thought of how you should tell Wonwoo about your pregnancy.

While you pondered, he already completed the chore and got himself ready for the shower. Wonwoo looked bushed and you pitied him. After he came out from the wet, you beckoned him to the bed. Since he had changed his clothes inside, he didn't waste any time and ambled to you.

"I have something to tell you,"

Wonwoo hauled your whole body and answered. "Yes?" he was feeling cold and decreased the gap between your bodies. Seeing how comfy he appeared, on impulse, you straddled him and laid on top.

He took a different hint and whispered. "You want it?" Wonwoo asked with apparent lust. You let his hands explore your back but when he was getting dangerously near to your sensitive area, you grabbed his wrist and put a halt to it.

"We can't. Someone will see," you said. Attentively, Wonwoo kissed your neck and mumbled. "The outside? I'll draw the curtain," he sounded titillated and you honestly underestimated your own self-control. It was such a turn-on to see him inflamed but your conscience rushed in.

"No. Not outside but here," you brought his hand to your belly and reposed. Wonwoo didn't quite catch the periphrastic way you were telling but once he realized, the sparkling bright eyes shone even more brilliantly.

"Is it what I think it is?" he asked softly, almost audible. His palm smoothed around your belly and he looked at it. Wonwoo didn't need to ask twice as you clarified his question in a single nod.

You and Wonwoo had waited for 3 years and were confronted with many thrown doubts regarding your fertility. It wasn't something anyone can forget and take it lightly and so you began seeing specialists every few months to check on your body.

At first, Wonwoo did argue with you about it and at one point, you gave him a cold shoulder for a week. He wasn't easy to be persuaded but one day, he followed you for your regular check-up. On the way back, you requested to ride the bus instead. You two came by taxi and Wonwoo has no problem granting your wish.

After you picked your seat, Wonwoo got to his and sat quietly. You were having mixed feelings about today and leaned against your husband. "Are you alright?"

Wonwoo's response was fast but did not answer the question. He kissed your temple and said. "Let me know if you're going to your appointment next time. We'll go together," his mellow voice sang sorrow. You looked up to see his face and there hidden a hint of sadness in his beautiful eyes.

The journey home was blue that day, he knew his love for you was deep but not as much as the worries within.

Wonwoo was used to your prank and all but this news would never be one of them. After many attempts and tears, you two were gifted with a sunny revelation. He let out a light-hearted laugh and announced. "You're pregnant,"

"Y/N, you're pregnant!"

Wonwoo continued to have couvade episodes until the second trimester came by. Your belly swelled later than most women you knew. They told you it was normal for your bump to be small and even your husband assured you there was nothing to fret about.

Once it got bigger, you felt shy to stand bare naked in front of Wonwoo. You even made a fuss when he wanted to shower with you. "No, it's ugly. You will hate it,"

You only earned his grimace and a company for the bath. Wonwoo hissed as he smeared the shower gel over your body. His dissatisfaction was then voiced out, "How can you say this hideous? I'm the hideous one,"

You glared at him and covered his mouth. "Don't say that. It'll make it sound like I don't have a taste for marrying an ugly man," and that had Wonwoo cracked, you followed suit.

Out of blue, you felt something poking behind you. You flicked his head and pinched his waist. Flustered, you sheepishly exposed him. "Why are you getting hard?"

"Ignore that. You're just too sexy and I'm a pervert,"

"Yeah, a pervert," you chuckled with your hands fondling him already.

You and Wonwoo didn't have extensive exercise the whole pregnancy, fear if you'll get hurt. However, one night, you woke him up wanting to do it. He did it so gently that you squirmed around and begged him.

"Go harder.."

"No, honey. You're near due,"

Wonwoo had a hard time practicing abstinence in your later weeks. He hadn't done it for almost a month and he thank God for not testing him too much. Seeing how seductive you acted that night, he went out of his principle and pleased you.

He was feeling bliss all over but you were his priority. He felt the familiar sensation inside you and he smiled. "Come for me," he knew it won't take him long to bring you an orgasm. He kissed your neck and thrust a few times more before he had you ended.

Panting, you loosened your arms around his torso and asked. "Did you come? Don't lie to me,"

Wonwoo was about to tell a lie when you added. He didn't dare to ejaculate inside after he learned that semen can cause contractions. He then flashed an apologetic smile at you. "I can use my hand,"

Wonwoo never used his hands and you've long known. That hurt your heart even more. You pushed him off and got up to wash.

Whether you were pregnant or not, Wonwoo wasn't close to tranquil if you were in the bathroom for a long period. He knocked on the door for the third time and asked if you needed any help but you chose to not answer.

After a while, you finished and silently left the bathroom. The sky was still dark and your husband wasn't in the bed. "Wonwoo?" you called him, slow-voiced.

Where did he go? Is he mad when I threw tantrum just now? You felt conflicted. He rarely let you sleep alone when he's home and now he did. Rather than furious, you wanted to see him.

But even after the nth time of calling him from the room, he still didn't reply. The after-sex effect kicked in and you began to yawn. No sign of Wonwoo getting into bed and you retired soon.

As soon as you hit the pillow, you couldn't open your eyes anymore. Having no desire to resist the sleepiness, you fell asleep and Wonwoo returned home to a sleeping wife.

He put the bag of condoms in the cabinet and properly snuggled against you on the bed. He had taken a shower downstairs before going out but he was afraid you'd wake up to his smell. It happened before and you had him slept on the floor the entire week.

Wonwoo stared at you as you fell deeper into slumber and fixed your position. Your round belly looked adorable and he recalled the moments when you cried because your swollen feet hurt.

He had hurried home that evening and massaged your legs with his uniform on. "Hubby," you sniffed, wanting his attention.

"Yes?"

Your face poker and you stayed silent for a good five minutes until you broke out of character. "I love you," you confessed out of nowhere.

With your nose running with a snort, Wonwoo laughed and hugged you. "Honey, if you keep being like this, I don't know how to survive,"

Wonwoo had lost count of how many times had he rushed home because you called him crying. He was always worried even though he may have an idea of what was happening.

Little things that you do to gain his attention basked him in elation. His love for you has grown impassioned and somehow anticipates the baby to come into this world of his and yours.

Before it reached dawn, Wonwoo was first to feel the wet bed and woke up. In a daze, he didn't quickly stir you but rather checked the ceiling.

However, it was your moaning had his head turned to you, full attention. "The baby- I think the baby's coming," you winced as you spoke. He can tell from your labored breathing that it must hurt.

Fortunately, you had been reminding him to get the maternity bag ready in his car. You were around his arms as he carried your weight to the car and placed you gently in the backseat.

As he drove to the emergency department, you told him you can bear the pain but he wasn't buying. Wonwoo got out and called for a team to attend to you. They instantly brought all the necessary equipment to the vehicle and performed the procedure.

Wonwoo was guided to the registration counter and while you were pushed into the waiting hall, the only thing that kept you conscious at the moment was his arrival.

You wanted him to be by your side so badly and if you suddenly had an emergency labor without him, you honestly would cry.

Perhaps, the baby wished to see his parents immediately, you were out into labor just several hours after that, and Wonwoo was permitted into the room.

The entire process was both scary and exciting for you. On one hand, you fret if you are drained out of energy while pushing the baby out but on the other, your husband was very collected about the whole situation.

"Honey, we can see the head already. Just a little push and we're going to meet our child,"

"I know you can. Grip my hand tighter as you push,"

You didn't know what was along his sentence that moved you but tears ran down your face and you made your last exertion in his presence.

The loud wailing was an end to your suffering. Wonwoo stayed with you and only when the midwives called to cut the umbilical cord he came about.

Days after you had the little one downright changed but Wonwoo never stopped giving his unreserved attention to both of you. He would promptly take care of the child in the middle of the night since you'd had it in the morning when he was out to work.

It was a challenging period as it was Wonwoo's first experience as a father. He took a lot of advice from his parents and other people and in the blink of an eye, the child is now two years old.

At first, many said that the baby took your features but he seemed to be the carbon copy of his father. His first word was 'mummy' but all he called now was 'daddy'.

"Daddy, pick me,"

"Daddy, toys,"

Daddy here, daddy there. You couldn't help but feel bitter inside. You and Wonwoo did spend equal time with your son but his blatant preference made you green. But maybe part of him inherited from how clingy you were to your husband. “He’s just like you, Y/N,”

He gifted a peck on your jaw and smiled softly. Suddenly, a voice from the little one chimed in. “Mummy, no!” and cause a rupture of laughter from the adults. You teased him by giving his favorite person more kisses. “Daddy’s mine,”

Wonwoo will never have this memory faded. He’s glad that you confessed to him that day.

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

If you like this story, you might as well check out the others here !

[voidedaurora]

Apologies for the ask about the 🍉 thing.

If you have a story to say you should say it, the group who made the document thought it was important to make it public. Maybe you can reach out to them if you need help. It’s never too late to share your story if you believe the person deserves to be called out.

She’s already known for lying. And she never addressed a lot of the things in the document. Like those multiple false grooming allegations. Just remember that there’s no backing out once you have it out to the public. Once on the internet always on the internet.

Hope you’re ok. Don’t be intimidated because of fans. They don’t know what you’ve gone through. You have a support group who already set the ground for you. Good luck with what you choose.

Not specifically replying to this ask but Im going to use this to say a bit of what I need to say. Follow up to my last post, Mel has made it clear that she is not going to talk to me, one of her friends dmed me (one of the two I mentioned prior) trying to get me to vc with all 3 of them to get "closure" and talk about things, this was only prompted by the fact I am now speaking out about this (clearly just trying to save face), I stayed silent for nearly 3 months giving her time to come and talk to me and it was honestly the last nail in the coffin for her to clearly only give a shit now that I'm speaking about it. So I'm done, I'm not going to keep any of her shit to myself anymore, I know I shouldn't have been keeping them to myself to begin with and I completely accept anyone who is upset at me for not speaking up sooner. Quickly, I will say that some of this I cannot provide solid proof for, you will all have to take some of this with a side of salt / use context to come to your own conclusions, but I still think its important to mention because I know what I saw and experienced, It is up to you whether you believe what I have to say or not Aswell, Some of this obviously could be wrong as she has refused to clear things up privately but I believe them to be true since I experienced what I experienced :/. I do not condone Harassment, witch-hunting, threats, attack anyone involved, or anything else of the sort You obviously may be honest about your feelings on the matter but have your morals about you when doing so. People that did not consent to being mentioned here will be censored when possible I will be reffering to Quartelz as Mel in this, just felt I'd clarify TW: S/A, Coercion, Grooming(?), General Toxicity, etc.

Firstly, To everyone who supports Mel after the google doc she "made" I've got some unfortunate news to share, She did not write that doc. Mel had quite a few of her friends at the time essentially write the entire document for her, I was one of those people. To clarify, we were not forced but since we all wanted the best for her and for her to be able to move on from it all so we all helped her. The apologies ESPECIALLY she did not write nor mean, She has stated many times to me personally that everyone did not deserve an apology, I will provide some screenshots backing up these claims below Others writing the doc/Proof I can edit the original doc (the public document was moved into a fresh file because I suggested it)

Proof of Mel being an unapologetic asshole about the whole thing (sorry for the rudeness) Her saying "how to write an apology I don't mean" which Is pretty self explanatory, Included more context of the convo so she cant scream at me for not, AS you can see I was very insistent on her writing the apology because I did think they all deserved one, aswell me saying "I'd write it for her but that'd "I would literally write the apology for u but that'd be bad" Which is bad on my end 100% especially because I went through with that, I accept full responsibility for that and I am sorry, you all deserved better

More apology stuff bruhh

(so sorry archi I know you are mentioned here alot but I need you for proof, If anyone attacks you I am so so sorry) Admitting the apology wasn't written by her directly + re-stating she didn't mean the apology a million times and not taking any accountability

Bonus SS of talking with one of her friends at the time about our frustrations of helping her with the doc only for her not to work on it I think that's enough proof she didn't mean a lick of that doc and didn't even write it herself, I do NOT have proof that I specifically wrote the apologies but before the doc was sent out to the public I practically rewrote entire areas to make her sound more genuine aswell fixed the entire thing up, then I had her go over it and edit it to "sound like her" Time for the next part which is one of the more serious topics within this whole thing, I initially was NOT going to bring this to the public or mention it at all since its fairly private but after thinking on it really hard ,and the fact this will never have any closure Clover and I have decided to let you all know about it, I am sure she's going to be quite upset this is public now but she shouldn't have done any of it in the first place. TW:// S/A and Coercion I don't really know how to approach talking about this but around the 30th of march 2023 (before and after) Clover, Mel, And I had all gotten pretty close as friends, This eventually evolved into us having sexual interactions with each other as a group twice. At the time we had all had lengthy conversations making sure everyone was ok with it, the whole consent protocol and such. Edit: for the record, our age differences at the time were me: 16 (10/16/2006) Clover: 17 (3/03/2006) Mel: 17 (8/30/2005) This is relevant because a while back (I am not sure when) Mel had admitted to me one day that she had only slept with Clover to do things with me. I know for a fact she will deny this. This obviously horrified me and clover both because we were under the impression it was a mutual thing between all of us, I'm sure Clover feels violated, used, and a sleuth of other things, I feel absolutely terrible about the entire thing because I was the one who had helped her feel comfortable with the whole thing in the first place and convinced her it was something mutual, and to have Mel later on admit it was not and she just wanted an excuse to do shit with me is absolutely disgusting. Clover and I are both extremely damaged from this and neither of us ever got an apology for this and probably never will, not one that she means at least, shes already proven she doesn't feel remorse for anything she does. You'd think the person that allegedly got assaulted herself and had dealt with homewrecking related things herself wouldn't do something like this but here we are. (Just clarification this was a 3 way, sorry to have to blatantly state it but I didn't want any confusion. Aswell I'd like to state for the record that the interactions happened twice total) I will not be sharing proof of any of this as it would include sharing sensitive information/conversations I don't think any of us would be comfortable being public, You may take this as you will but Clover and I both are living proof of this happening and I just hope you'll take our word for this one as it was already obvious Mel had a thing for me to literally everyone around us, I genuinely do not think I need proof to prove that part alone. There was another section I was going to add explaining another situation but I do not have enough proof gathered to speak on it at the moment so I'll keep it at these two for now. I initially wasn't going to make a big post like this but I wanted to get the stuff I know 100% out there (aswell wanted to get some of the worst out of the way :/) There is absolutely MORE I could/want to talk about but I simply do not have the context/proof to make a proper statement on it at the moment, maybe in the future I will.

also, if any of ya'll need more proof of stuff I CAN dig but I think I got it all covered? That's it for now, She's either going to deny everything, have her friends to defend her, flee the internet, or retaliate. Have a good day ya'll, I am done staying quiet for her also I'm so so sorry if this isn't written well in certain parts, I don't really know how to make stuff like this

[meanbossart]

Ask Compilation: Advice, influences and Misc.

Apologies for taking so long on some of these, admittedly I'm much more likely to entirely forget about asks that are about me and my interests 💃 Thank you for all the questions regardless! And thank you specially to everyone who just drops nice messages into my inbox out of kindness.

I'm brazillian and a native portuguese speaker!

I'll probably return to twitter eventually, but a) I hate that place and b) It didn't make much sense to me to turn it into a BG3 account out of the blue. I am considering making an Instagram or a new twitter just to have more places where people can follow in case they don't care for tumblr, but it's just been a very busy year so far and so that's kind of low on the list of priorities. If I ever do that I'll be sure to announce it here. Have a nice day yourself!

Sorry to hear that! I've gotten a few messages before about this issue, and the problem is that since I am myself not from the US, my options are also limited :( a lot of patreon alternatives don't work for me because they either don't go through paypal, take insane currency conversion fees, or just straight up block me from signing up.

Speak for yourself, I just assume everyone I speak to online has committed some sort of atrocious crime until proven otherwise. Except for me - of course. I have never done anything bad in my life.

I still have a lot to learn! But I will basically use whatever works for me at the moment, as well as make a sincere effort to learn about musculature and anatomy so I can understand those components and how they move, instead of only knowing what they look like when still - that's how you get better at drawing from memory. Volume mostly comes from coloring and understanding light, which is it's own beast but can very much be learned from similar reference materials and observing it IRL!

My favorite places to get reference are medical diagrams, weird pictures I take of myself, 3D software (often Virt-a-mate) and questionably phrased image google searches.

My favorite artists are Jason Shawn Alexander and Sean Murphy, but I'm not sure how much of it reflects in my art nowadays! I generally seek to pick up techniques from artists rather than to emulate style.

Honestly I love that you guys generally do the thing he would hate the most: take him very non-seriously LOL

I've been in a real Chelsea Wolfe and Amyl And The Sniffers kick lately! But usually you'll also find me listening to stuff like Boy Harsher, Swans, FWF, JK Flesh Lingua Ignota, Nick Cave, David Bowie, and so on. Music for the weird gays, basically.

I went insane and wrote a 23-chapter-long-and-still-ongoing fic in like four months. But also - I'm not that good, I'm just shamelessly pretentious LOL

Hm. That's a good question, but I'm not really sure. Sincerely not trying to be a edgier-than-thou here (in fact, this has made me a little self conscious at one time or another) but a lot of art that I don't mean to be horror-y in nature at all has been associated with the genre. So perhaps I don't know what I'm doing either, LOL.

I think just leaning on making things look slightly "wrong" or "ugly" on purpose is the way, but I also find that if you just seek to depict people as they are instead of idealized versions of themselves, you will arrive at that either way.

Thank you for reading! Honestly, I'm guilty of having not read much at all since I was in my late teens, and the style I'm employing for ANE is very different from the things I would call "influential" for me, or even that I used to enjoy reading at all before. I read a lot of Chuck Palahniuk as a youth (and, no slight to people who do like him still, but nowadays I'm not sure why I ever did. His stories don't speak to me at all anymore) as well a lot of weird experimental lit that I didn't even care to remember the name of. My last book stint from one or two years ago was composed solely of historical and medical literature, and last year I got really into Cormac Mcarthy thanks to the internet.

So, all in all, I'm absolutely all over the place LOL if you put a gun to my head and told me to list my favorite books, I'd say The Indifferent Stars Above and Blood Meridian.

(Consider the reading portion of the question to have been answered above) I really really liked Beau is Afraid and think it's a really great "horror" movie. Sue me.

[totallyjustabunchofhocuspocus]

i'm amazed by the energy that antibucktommy people bring to this show like one of the most beloved characters and one of the biggest storylines in the very first season wasn't bobby and the fact that he murdered 148 people including his wife and children and is trying to rebuild his life. it's almost like this show has been saying since the beginning that people can grow and be better and maybe we should give them the space to do that.

anyway buck and tommy were really cute this episode. and there's something so teenage giddiness about them hiding behind a couch for a fake surprise party and flirting that just makes me so happy for the sheer queerness of the experience for buck

This is honestly why I stopped interacting with a lot of segments of fandom over the summer and started curating my fyp and tumblr follows a little more intensely. All of the characters have done horrible things (some more recently than others), things that are usually regarded as unforgivable. Bobby's story is the big one, but Hen's cheating storyline, Athena's many and varied abuses of power as a cop, Chim's really pretty sus relationship with Tatiana, Eddie's fight club era and his treatment of the women he gets into relationships with, Buck manipulating Taylor (like, kind of a lot)...like they've all done terrible things and we have watched them come back from it and learn and grow and change, and love them for it.

I think a lot of it stems from the fact that the horrible things they did were not done to our faves (I'd argue the fandom didn't know Karen well enough during the cheating storyline to not feel inclined to forgive Hen for it) and the fact that the racism and sexism displayed by Tommy at first are such lightning rod issues anyway (as well they should be). And, yes, let's be real, the majority of it is what I'll kindly call disappointment that we got Bi!Buck after all this time, but not Buddie. And that's fair (to an extent...there's NO excuse for the kind of harrassment we saw over the last few months).

But the vitriol displayed towards BuckTommy and the people that ship them is just really outsized in my opinion. The show is going out of their way to show us that Tommy is good to Buck (and friends with Eddie), and that they are enjoying each other. Whether or not it leads to Buddie, don't we WANT Buck to have a good relationship for his first as a queer man? Everyone talks about representation being SO important--we have an extremely masculine characater (who has canonically been presented as a playboy/heartthrob type) discovering a new facet of his sexuality when he's nearly in his mid-thirties, and exploring that facet with a love interest that is EQUALLY as masculine. This storyline is important! It's breaking a lot of new ground and doing it in a really nicely done way.

And in regards to Tommy...I dunno, maybe it's because I've grown up in an environment that pretty much BREEDS men like BeginsEra!Tommy. Yes, they have a choice not to be the way they are--but unless you live in it, it's hard to understand how hard making that choice, or even recognizing that you DO have a choice, really is. I think it's also important to show a character who didn't remain a piece of trash human, and was able to accept that they were wrong and CHANGE. If the only way you can ever be defined is by what you were at your very worst, what is even the fucking point of changing? No one owes you forgiveness, even after you do the work to change...but nor do you deserve to be punished forever.

I dunno, I just wanna enjoy my weewoo show and I'm tired of people harshing my buzz (heh, see what I did there?) I still ship Buddie. I ship BuckTommy. Most of all I ship Buck/Happiness and I am eager to see if he finally gets some that lasts.

[corrodedbisexual]

The ultimate shadow ban survivor guide

I've seen multiple people I follow, or their mutuals affected by shadow bans lately (makes me wonder if it's @staff's attempts to fight bots going totally haywire). As someone who survived a 2-month-long shadow ban on my main this winter, I thought I'd make a post.

First step of being shadow banned: calm down and take a breath. A shadow ban is just a stupid glitch in tumblr's anti-spam system. You're not losing your blog. You're gonna need a whole lot of patience, and deal with inconveniences, but it's fixable.

Read the incredibly useful post All About Shadowban by @that-damn-girl. It outlines the symptoms quite well. The only thing I'd point out is "your original posts won’t be visible to your followers either" - afaik that doesn't happen. Everything you post and reblog will still be visible to your followers, and also they can interact with your posts - like them, reblog them, reply to them.

Just like the post says, contact support. I recommend using a different email than what your banned blog is registered to; not because your ticket won't go through (mine actually did, as I found out when they finally replied), but because you might not receive an email confirmation for your ticket (it's somehow tied to the anti-spam thing, I think), and you're going to worry and try to send more tickets, like I did.

Now wait. And wait, and wait, and wait. They are SLOW. I've seen some miraculous 1-day unbans in the #shadow ban tag, but most people, like me, wait around a month for support to reply. Those are the same guys going through thousands of bot reports every day in addition to user tickets.

If you're going to wait, might as well keep blogging. Now if this is your sideblog that's shadow banned, consider yourself lucky. Make a new temporary sideblog, use it to post your original stuff so it goes into tags (mind that it might take a few days for a new blog to start showing up in tags). Reblog everything to your shadow banned blog so you still have all content in one place and your followers see it. If it's your main that's banned, you can still do that, but there's the extra pain of not being able to reply to posts or send non-anon Asks, since that is only done from main. Might need to register a separate account for that.

Some more fun facts under readmore.

Fun fact #1

Trying to send support follow-up emails in the request confirmation email isn't going to do anything to speed up the process. But I did tweet at them using this tumblr support summoning picture by @cornmayor and offered a raccoon blood sacrifice to resolve my issue when it was like a month with no response. This is what they replied.

3 hours later I got an email that my shadowban was lifted. I honestly don't know if it was a coincidence, but I mean, this is tumblr staff. Maybe they do accept blood sacrifices.

Fun fact #2

If you're wondering why my shadow ban lasted 2 months if I got a support reply after 1 month, well. It's hard to say exactly how their ban/unban system works bc support replies exclusively with pre-written template sentences, but basically they fucked up. The first time they told me my blog has been restored, I gained pretty much all functions back, except that my posts were still not appearing in tags. Which means probably that being hidden from tags is some kind of different flag on your blog that they forgot to remove. So I had to send a follow-up ticket and wait another month.

My advice is, when they tell you it's fixed, don't take that at face value, go and check all the functions you'd lost (replies, messaging, asks, tagging, appearing in notes, getting mentioned by others).

[stargazer-sims]

Heart and Home

CONTENT WARNING - mention of violence

____________________

"You ever regret becoming a parent?"

Victor Okamoto-Nelson wishes he was anywhere but here, doing anything but participating in this uncomfortable exchange.

He folds both hands around his half finished bottle of red Gatorade and tries to ignore the fact that there are a dozen other members of hospital staff and at least as many people in street clothes in here, potentially witnessing this. Maybe it's a touch of paranoia, but he feels as if every pair of eyes and ears in the large room is on him and Ellie, and he has to resist the urge to fidget under the perceived scrutiny.

The hard plastic chair he's sitting in isn't doing much to lessen his need to move around, nor is the uneasy sensation in his stomach. Riding down in the elevator from the paediatric unit, he’d thought he was hungry, but the smell of overcooked vegetable soup in the hospital cafeteria is putting his appetite off, and Ellie's terrible question is contributing too. He feels queasy and he wants to leave.

He gazes at his fellow nurse across the cafeteria table. By coincidence, they're both on day shift this week, and when she saw him in the hospital parking lot this morning, she asked him if he'd mind meeting up for a few minutes after work. Normally, he doesn't like to hang around the hospital after his shift, but Ellie said she needed to talk to him about something and her tone seemed to imply it was important, so he reluctantly acquiesced.

So far, however, he hasn't figured out what Ellie wants. For the past ten minutes, all she's done is complain, trapping him in what has felt like a never ending cycle of nods and non-word responses of "Mm-hmm," and "Uh-huh."

Technically, Ellie is Victor's step-sister — they were both in their mid-20s when her dad married his mom — but he hasn't thought of her as a sibling of any variety in a very long time. These days, he's not even sure 'friend' is the right way to describe their relationship. They've known each other since they were babies and they'd been practically inseparable growing up, but careers, marriage, children, changing attitudes and differing perspectives on navigating life have pushed them apart. Sometimes, he feels like he doesn't even recognize her any more.

One thing he does know, though, is precisely how to answer Ellie's question about parenthood. His sweet Caroline has given him joy since the moment they first met, even before she became his and Yuri's legal child. Adopting a kid with albinism came with a set of challenges they hadn't been entirely prepared for, and they've had to learn a lot along the way, but he can say with honestly that he's never had a single hint of regret. He loves Caroline as if she were his own flesh and blood, and the idea of not having her is painful. Caroline has added so much to his and Yuri's lives, he can't imagine what their existence would look like now if they hadn't adopted her.

"Never," he says emphatically. “It was like some part of me was missing, and I didn't even realize it until Caroline came along and filled up that empty space."

"Lucky you," Ellie says.

"We are lucky," he agrees. "I wake up every day thankful that I've got Yuri and Caroline."

"Must be nice. Generally, I wake up asking myself what kind of disaster I'm going to have to face that day. Nora and Elliot are pushing my last button, and Leo's no help. He thinks the solution is to take Elliot and move into his parents' basement."

Victor studies his step-sister. She's exactly four months younger than him, but her appearance is that of someone ten years older. Her wavy brown hair is streaked with grey, and he's sure the dark smudges beneath her eyes are permanent. She looks exhausted in a way that a few solid nights' sleep wouldn't be enough to fix.

"Have you talked to Mom and Julian about any of this?" he asks.

She makes a dismissive huffing sound. "Dad and Grace are no help either. Grace says it's none of her business. Typical of her, honestly. And Dad won't do anything. He says he's supportive, but then he goes and tells me that Leo and I have to work our family problems out between ourselves."

"Well, he's not wrong about that second part," Victor says. "Yuri's mom told me and Yuri a long time ago that the way to have a strong marriage is to have good communication and to not hide anything from each other. We had to figure out how to do that together. It wasn't easy, but I can tell you it was worth putting in the work."

"I was kind of hoping for better advice than 'fix your own shit'."

"Believe it or not, that is the best advice," Victor says. "Even when things were at their worst, nobody stepped in and sorted out mine and Yuri's problems for us. Mom and Julian helped us a lot with advice and stuff, and so did Rei and Kenji, but Yuri and I really did have to fix our problems on our own, and I think we're stronger now because of that."

"Having a charmed life like yours must be nice," Ellie comments.

"I'm gonna pretend that wasn't sarcasm."

"Got any other pearls of wisdom other than telling me to solve my own problems?"

"I get that you're looking for something specific, but—"

"I'm looking for a miracle," Ellie cuts across him.

"I can't do those,” he says.

"God, I wish I could wind back the universe," she says. "I never would've agreed to marry Leo. Or maybe I would have, but I would've said no fucking way when it came to having kids."

"But... why?" he asks.

"This is probably going to be hard for you to understand since your kid is so perfect, but parenthood sucks for the rest of us."

"I don't think it sucks for most people."

"For me it does," Ellie says. "When I had Nora, I realized I gave up a whole chunk of myself that I'd never get back. Then we had Elliot, and... yeah. I gave up my freedom for those kids. I gave up my happiness, my independence and my whole fucking identity as a person for them. I lost my ability to enjoy my life just to make sure they could enjoy theirs, and those ungrateful little shits don't even care."

Victor is momentarily stunned. He has never met anyone who harboured such resentment toward their own children, and he's shocked and horrified to learn that his step-sister feels this way.

As for himself, he wouldn't say that he and Yuri gave up much of anything when they adopted Caroline. They haven’t lost their happiness or their individual identities, and they certainly haven’t given up their freedom.

Sure, Yuri had a less than smooth transition into parenthood, but he’d eventually found his footing, and Caroline's presence hadn't stopped him from doing everything he wanted to do. Yuri has grown his business, written three children's books, volunteered in the community and enjoyed his hobbies while parenting, and Victor has worked, volunteered and played as much as he's wanted to while raising Caroline as well. The three of them have travelled all over the world together, and they've had countless adventures and made the best memories. Far from being stifled after becoming fathers, having Caroline around has enriched them and expanded the scope of their experience.

"I'm sorry," he says, because he has no idea how else he's supposed to respond.

"No, you're not," says Ellie.

"I don't know what you're expecting from me," he tells her. "I just had to sit here and listen to you go on a huge rant about Elliot and Nora, and now you're telling me you never wanted them in the first place? I don't know how you want me to react to that, but i really am sorry. For you and Leo and your kids."

"I'm expecting you to help me."

"By doing what? Do you want me to tell Leo not to file for divorce, or not to move into Aunt Millie and Uncle Stephen's basement? Do you want me to tell Nora to come back from wherever she is and... I don't know. Be more like Caroline?"

"I want you to support me, and maybe have a little empathy," she says.

"I do have empathy for you, and I'm willing to support you, but that's kinda not what I'm hearing," he says. "It really sounds like you want me to agree with you and take your side, but you know I can't do that."

"You're my brother. You're supposed to take my side."

Victor shakes his head. "We're not siblings, Ellie. I think you know that as well as I do. I love you and I want to help if I can, but I'm not gonna let you manipulate me by trying to use the sibling card, okay? I know how you really feel about Julian being married to my mom, so you claiming to be my sister when it's convenient for you isn't the best way to go."

It's Ellie's turn to stare at him. A few seconds pass and then she asks, "Literally who are you? The Victor I used to know would've stuck up for me, no matter what."

"Maybe I'm not the Victor you used to know," he replies quietly. "We've all changed."

"Apparently," she says.

"Look, I don't know what's going on inside your head right now, and I'm not gonna claim I understand, ‘cause I don’t. All I know is, this shouldn't even be about taking sides. It's not you against Leo or you against your kids."

"How can you say that?" she demands. "It very much is me against Leo. He doesn't give a shit about me or Nora. He just wants to take Elliot and get away from me."

Based on what Victor knows, this is a fair assessment of the situation, aside from the part about Leo not caring about Nora. From conversations with Leo, Victor knows that he cares very much about his daughter and is worried about her to the point of losing sleep. He's worried about his son too, which is part of the reason he wants to take Elliot and move in with his parents.

Of course, Victor can't say any of this aloud, even though some mean little voice in his brain wants him to say, Can you blame Leo for wanting to get away from you?

He pulls in a long breath, holds it for five seconds and then lets it out slowly. "Tell me something. If you could wave a magic wand and have the ideal family right now, what would that look like?"

"You're kidding, right?" Ellie scoffs. "Why would I answer a dumb question like that?"

"Just humour me."

"Okay, fine. My ideal family would be just me and my dog. But, if I'm stuck with the family I've got, I'd want a husband who listened to me, a son who didn't have special needs, and a daughter who wasn't a disrespectful, spiteful little whore."

It takes willpower for Victor not to comment on Ellie's description of Nora. He says, "Okay. At least part of that is achievable."

"What?"

"You want me to help, don't you?"

"Yeah."

"This is me helping," he says. "You can't do anything about Elliot's disability, obviously, but you can at least make an effort with Leo and Nora."

"Right. Neither one of them is going to change. Leo has pretty much mentally checked out of our marriage, and I could scream at Nora till I'm red in the face and it wouldn't achieve anything."

"That's one thing you can work on," Victor suggests. "You know how many times I've yelled at Caroline?"

"How should I know?"

"Zero. Exactly zero times."

"Because Caroline's so angelic, you never get angry at her?"

"No," he says. "Because Caroline is a thinking, feeling person who deserves to be treated with compassion and respect. I do get mad, and I get tired and frustrated, and I've had to raise my voice to be heard plenty of times, but I've never yelled at her in anger because my anger isn't her problem."

"How is it not her problem? If my kids piss me off, I sure as hell make it their problem."

"You blame your kids for your own reaction." It's less a question than an observation.

"They were the ones who caused it," Ellie says.

"No," Victor counters. "They do something that makes you feel angry, and then you choose to overreact and blame them for it. You know you can be angry and not take it out on your kids, right?"

"Maybe you can."

"I think most people can, if they make an effort," Victor says. "I mean, I don't look at Caroline and think 'I'm mad and it's all her fault'. It's more like I'm angry or annoyed about the result of some choice she made."

"But she made the bad choice," Ellie points out.

"Yeah, but the person who decides how I'm gonna communicate my emotions about that is me, not her. Plus, I still want her to know I love her even when she does something stupid, and I want the chance to teach her to make better choices next time. How much do you think she'd learn if I screamed and freaked out every time she did something I didn't like?"

Ellie's response is laced with scorn, "If I'd known the secret to having a perfect child was just to not yell at them, I would've stopped yelling years ago."

Victor sighs. "If you're not going to take this seriously—"

"You're not exactly offering anything helpful, are you?"

"I am, if you'd listen," he says, exasperated. "I’m gonna be brutally honest here. Before you start trying to fix your kids, maybe you can work on yourself, and you could do something about your marriage. Get some couples' counselling, and maybe take an anger management class."

"Leo's not going to go to counselling."

"Have you asked him?"

"No, but I already know he won't."

"Okay. Then I guess I'm out of ideas." Victor pushes his chair back and stands up.

"Wait," Ellie says. "You're leaving? Just like that?"

"Yes, because this conversation is going nowhere," he says. "I'm tired and I want to go home."

More than anything, he wants to cleanse his mind, not only from this awful encounter but from the entire stressful day he's had today. He wants a long hot shower and something more sustaining in his belly than Gatorade and a dried out blueberry pastry. But, most of all he wants Yuri to hold him. Yuri may be tiny and frail, but Victor has never known anyone with as much inner strength as Yuri has, and no one else can comfort him and make him feel as safe as Yuri can.

He imagines Yuri's little arms wrapped tightly around him as he starts to walk away. It's only a ten-minute drive between the hospital and their new house. Only ten minutes, and he'll be in Yuri's arms for real.

"Victor, wait," Ellie calls out from behind him. He doesn't stop. Not until he hears her blurt out, "Nora's pregnant."

That causes him to halt and look over his shoulder at his step-sister. "What?"

"Nora is pregnant," she repeats.

He tells himself he shouldn't go back, that it's a bad idea, but something compels him to disregard his own better judgment. He reverses his trajectory and returns to his seat at the table. "How do you know that? I thought she moved out and you didn't have any contact with her."

"I saw her at the supermarket," Ellie reveals. "She was with some boy, and he couldn't keep his hands off her belly."

"That doesn't necessarily mean anything," Victor says.

"Oh, it means something."

Victor thinks about standing in line with Yuri at their favourite café, hugging him from behind and giving him what Yuri likes to call 'secret belly rubs' despite there being absolutely nothing secret about it. Plenty of couples cuddle that way in public. He's seen people doing that exact thing in the checkout line at the pharmacy and supermarket loads of times, and he's never once assumed any of the recipients were pregnant.

"How do you know?" he asks again.

"She's popping out exactly the same way I did when I was pregnant," Ellie says. "Remember how big I already was at twelve weeks with Elliot? I don't think she's very far along, but it was noticeable to me."

"So... is this what you really needed my help with?"

"Yeah, it's connected to it," Ellie says. "I'm sorry, okay? I should've led with that.”

“Yeah.”

“I'm so done with everything right now,” she says. “I can't handle another crisis, and I don't want Nora bringing her problems back home. It was bad enough the last time she was under our roof, with the drinking and inappropriate videos and running off at all hours of the day and night."

"What are you saying?" Victor does not like where he suspects this might be heading. "I hope you're not about to ask if she can move in with us when she gets tired of being on her own."

"God, no," Ellie says. "I might be done with her, but I wouldn't push her over to you. She's made it pretty clear that she hates Caroline, and God alone knows what might happen if they were under the same roof. I wouldn't put your kid at risk like that."

"That's... something, I guess," Victor stammers.

"But I'm not about to put Elliot at risk either," Ellie continues. "I don't trust her to be around him, and I need to do something about it."

"Like what?" Victor asks, regardless that he doesn't really want to hear the answer.

"You know a lawyer, right?"

"Uh...yeah. Uncle Stephen," he says. "Otherwise known as your father-in-law."

"No, not Stephen," says Ellie. "Not Matthew or his son, what's-his-name, either."

"Arthur," Victor supplies. "Everybody calls him Artie."

"Whatever," Ellie says. "I mean Yuri's lawyer. The one for his business. She knows what she's doing, doesn't she?"

"Her name's Kadijah, and I don't think Yuri and James would keep hiring her to do stuff for the firm if she didn't know what she was doing. But, why do you need a lawyer?"

"Because Nora is turning eighteen at the beginning of November, and Leo and I won't have any control over her any more at that point. There'll be nothing to stop her from coming to the house if she feels like it, and I want a restraining order."

"You... you want what?"

"I don't want her being around her brother with booze and drugs and porn and God knows what else. He'll either end up getting hurt or he'll turn out just like her, only he won't be smart enough to keep from getting caught. I'm not having that."

"And you think getting a court order to keep your pregnant daughter away from your house is the answer?"

"I have to protect my other kid. What choice do I have?"

"I can think of a few," Victor says. "Like getting over whatever grudge you're holding and talking to her, for one. Maybe get her into a residential rehab program if you think she's actually using drugs. Set her up with either prenatal care or a termination if she's really pregnant. Anything except locking the doors and telling her she's not wanted."

"Nobody talks to Nora," Ellie says. "Leo and I gave up on that. We got tired of her screaming in our faces and putting her fists through walls whenever we said something she didn't agree with. You know she gave Elliot a black eye for telling us about the adult videos she was making."

"Before, you said he hurt himself falling in the kitchen."

"He did fall in the kitchen after his sister punched him. Leo heard him crying and ran in from the yard, and he had to pull Nora off him." Ellie elaborates. "She's out of control, and I'm done."

"You can't be done. She's your kid and she needs help."

"She needs help, but not from me. I don't want anything more to do with her, and I absolutely do not want her back in my house."

"Then, I guess you're on your own."

"Excuse me?"

"I'm not helping you shut your own child out of your life," Victor informs her. "You don't have to be her best friend and you don't even have to let her live at home, but you can't give her the message that she's not loved or wanted. That'll guarantee you'll lose her for good."

"I think I could live with that," Ellie says.

Victor wonders if he's somehow slipped into a parallel dimension, because that's what it feels like. Although he's seen Ellie change over time, he struggles to reconcile the woman in front of him with the vibrant, cheerful and compassionate person he'd grown up with. When had she turned into this colder, harder version of herself? How had she transformed from the girl who had it all together and enjoyed helping others deal with their problems into somebody who seems as though she doesn't care enough to work on her own?

"You say that now, but I think you'd end up regretting it if you really did lose her." Victor says.

"No, I wouldn't," Ellie asserts. "You don't know what it's like to have a kid who hates you and does everything to spite you."

"No, and I'm glad I never will." This time, when Victor gets up from his seat, he has no intention of resuming it for any reason. "I'm sorry things are going bad, but please don't ask me for any more advice."

He barely notices anything on the short drive home. His sole focus is on getting there. When he pulls into the driveway, he's thankful to see the garage door open and Yuri's sporty little car inside.

Yuri is in the kitchen when Victor makes his way through the front door. Yuri's suit jacket is draped over the back of one of the stools at the kitchen island, and his work bag is on the island itself. He's in the process of loosening his necktie, but pauses at the sound of the door closing.

"Victor!" he exclaims. "What happened?"

Victor is flooded with relief at not having to explain that he's upset, or why. Right now, it's difficult to describe what he's feeling. It's more than one emotion. It's like anger, disgust and shock all tangled up with sadness, empathy and a crushing sense of helplessness. He's certain there isn't a single word for that, so instead of saying anything, he just holds out his arms.

Yuri comes to him immediately and slips his own arms around him. He leans into him and rests his head against his chest. Victor drops his arms around Yuri's shoulders and buries his face in his husband's hair.

"It's okay," Yuri murmurs. "You don't have to tell me now."

Yuri knows him so well, it's almost as if he's able to read his thoughts. The overwhelming gratitude he has for Yuri knowing exactly what he needs makes him want to cry, and he swallows painfully around the lump in his throat.

"I love you," he says against the top of Yuri's head. "I'll never stop loving you, and I'd never give up on you or Caroline for any reason, no matter what. I need you to know that, okay?"

"I know," Yuri says softly. "When you promised me forever, I know you meant it. I hope you know I meant it too."

"I know," he whispers.

"Whatever's going on, we're in it together just like always. You don't have to do anything on your own." Yuri tightens his hold, whether reflexively or on purpose Victor can't determine. "When you're ready, we'll talk about it, all right?"

He's fully aware there's no solution this time, nothing he and Yuri can realistically do to make it better for Ellie and Leo and their kids, but he'll tell Yuri about it anyway, if only so he doesn't have to carry the burden of his feelings alone. Perhaps Yuri can help him understand why this is affecting him so much, why it feels like a wound to his heart even though, in actuality, the situation has nothing to do with him.

He nods. "Okay."

"I love you," Yuri says.

All of a sudden, Victor can no longer fight his tears, but it’s okay if he surrenders. There's no judgment here. Yuri will shield him. Inside Yuri's embrace is the safest place he knows, and Yuri's quiet, steady presence is the perfect counterbalance to his flaw of being too sensitive and allowing his emotions to reside too close to the surface.

He tries and fails to take a deep, calming breath, only succeeding to produce a ragged gasp. Yuri strokes his back and soothes him with gentle sounds that might not even be real words in any language.

Yuri's voice is like an anchor grounding him, and his second attempt to settle himself goes better.

He wishes there were a bigger, weightier phrase to convey his gratitude for his soulmate and all he's done for him and for their amazing life together, but even if he doesn't have one, he's certain Yuri will understand.

After a few more deep breaths, he finds his voice and says, "Thank you."

[coeluvr]

You're so wonderfully devious. Your IF is so well written. I've played through it once several months ago, lost track of it, then found it again 🤗 but seriously, the complex emotions you pull out of me is what makes me keep coming back.

There's no time to not grieve for the MC. And your time jumps make it so no matter how much time has passed for MC, we don't get that relief. It makes me wonder if the MC feels that way all the time for the last 9 years if the grief we experience is just as intense. So I absolutely adore how you give MCs the ability to name a journal Alistair and to have a tattoo to keep them with you.

I don't know what to do with Rosea. I think the only way to hurt Luceris is by hurting the ones they love, Lancelot and Helios. But then this cycle of revenge continues and warps, and it's this massive spiders web because when you hurt Lancelot and Helios, then you hurt Farah, Vincent, and Hunter. It makes even more people want to put a stop to MC's machinations.

I know we're going to see it in writing, but the generational guilt on these kids [cause fuck they are basically still kids] heads is crushing.

The adults trying to alleviate guilt by saying "Mc is protected as consort" and has the "freedom to do what they want" is a poor consolation prize. They can't get rid of how they were complicit in MCs trauma.

Somehow, you have me litterally insane, tinfoil hat and all, do you play a kind MC so everyone can see how unhinged Luceris idea was? Because I'd love to play this game as quiet and kind MC, one who's forgive and try to move on, but when MCs twin died, I became just as crazy as Luceris. Now I have to be okay with the fact that I'm playing the long game of revenge and whatever that looks like.

Anyway, thank you for your work. It's amazing and I can't wait to see what happens next.

My toxic trait is I like being called evil or devious or anything insane. 🥰 Thank you for your kind words! 💗

Honestly, the time jumps do serve that purpose. Mainly because I think MC gets a little better each time jump but then something happens and it brings back what they felt that night in Vesphire.

For example, the time jump to meeting Fadiya is kind of supposed to be like "well at least someone wants to be friends with our baby" and that feeling is kind of hopeful, at least to me. With the 1st short story, I wanted to cement that feeling since it's like "world against MC but this little kid is here!!" and again it's hopeful. Chapter 2 is softer too with Fadiya, there isn't much angst until the very end where it's like "ah right, shit still sucks." and a part of the healing that the player might have felt just dies lol.

Chapter 3 is kind of different but technically MC is doing "better" or well coping better so there has been some progress on their part albeit it can be unhealthy.

I've gotten the "Oh this is kinda rushed" comment a few times but I don't think I could've taken these first few chapters more slowly since it is supposed to be kind of like a blur to MC. In my head, chapter 3 is when things are more slow for them but now they're leaving on a trip so...

I think revenge (that isn't like "get power throw him into jail") will always come with the loss of people. The only reason Luceris didn't lose people is because he didn't really have anyone to lose except for Lancelot and we all know how that's going. (Ikram doesn't count, if she refused he could just get another military general and been like okay. Don't be friends with your boss people. /j)

A Luceris that had Farah wouldn't have done that ever because she would have left him so yeah! It's normal to be stuck between what to do when you have people you care about who actually have somewhat of a normal moral compass.

Easiest way is to simply not have anyone (unless they're 100% in love with you and would throw away all their morals just for you ofc) and well maybe I can help with that! 🤭

The adults are insane and the kids are burdened with the problems that their parents are to blame for. I love the whole "burdened by the sins of your parents" trope. ✨️

God this got a bit too long lmao 😭 it was fun discussing some of the points. 🤝

[spywhitney]

Thoughts on ships in The Bear

Sydcarmy (Sydney x Carmy)

I filtered out the tag weeks ago and I haven't undone it yet 💀.

98% of posts on my page in the last 6 months or so is to do with this ship- I've had a lot of thoughts about it.

S3 soured my opinion on it, and I've seen some eyebrow raising opinions emerge after s3 that are kind of wild, but sobering I guess?

But unfortunately I've hyperfixated on this ship now so I won't let go until it's over. So yikes for me I guess.

Like I've invested so much attention to it and the odds are looking terrible, but I hope it works out anyway?!?!

Sydrichie (Sydney x Richie)

It's the older man/younger woman trope. That's all it takes for me lol.

I read these fics when I'm tired of the above ship lowkey.

Their dynamic is so interesting to me.

If there weren't so many ****** **** ball sucking/suit licking on Richie while simultaneously trashing on Syd I'd like it a lot more (probably).

I was going to say how Richie treated Syd in s1 is what turns me off too, but I ship Syd with Carmen so, welp.

If they got together it would piss so many people off. Like the hater in me is cry-laughing thinking about how upset certain people would be lmao.

Wish we saw more of them in s3, it would've made so much sense too.

Sydmarcus (Sydney x Marcus)

Um, are the sydmarcus shippers even alive?

Y'all were done dirty. Y'all didn't deserve that man.

I never got the impression Syd liked Marcus however, but still.

If she did, they would've been so cute, like omg.

Marcus has had Syd's back the most and is arguably the only friend she has.

He treats her like a friend/overtly asked her out as more than a friend too etc etc.

The fact Syd didn't even acknowledge the fact Marcus made a dessert and named it after her is wild though.

Their dynamic has a healthy balance of reciprocation, exercised respect and care.

Obviously there are some that insist they should('ve) got together because they don't want sydcarmy which is ridiculous.

Then there's the "Syd deserves better" crowd which while I understand and somewhat agree, I also believe people choose what they deserve, so that's her business lowkey.

Saying all that I'd be all over Marcus. He's passionate, fine as hell and he's super chill?! Already climbing that man personally.

Claircarmy (Claire x Carmy)

I don't care about Claire, so it's hard to care about the relationship.

As much as the Claire hate is entertaining to me (and very valid points have been made about her), I'm pretty neutral on her for the most part.

I will say, the fact that their relationship has been shown to be perfect up until the s2 finale and Carmy calling her a waste of time was all it took for her to walk away is hilarious.

Like, if you can't deal with Carmy saying one mean thing about you, you're not ready to be with him girl lol (especially when compared with--)

The show pushes this a lot so if they're endgame fine, I just want that plot point to be done my goodness.

Carmrich (Carmy x Richie)

I've read a couple of fics and woah?

I like this quite a bit.

Their dynamic is so engaging in the fics I've read.

I almost feel like I don't appreciate their relationship enough in the show.

Sydluca (Sydney x Luca)

Kind of yummy if it was endgame, eh if otherwise.

I'm being dramatic, see my post here for more context.

The actor is british so maybe my bias is showing with this ship ngl.

He's one of the few actors I recognised also.

They look kind of cute, or whatever.

Fak x Richie

They have moments for sure.

I get it.

Marcus x Luca

I never saw this honestly.

To me, it was feel-good to just see a black man eagerly learning in a healthy environment.

I want Marcus for me though, like I said so lol.

Nat x Pete

They're canon.

They go well together, though I will say I don't have a strong opinion on them.

I guess since we don't see any significant conflict with them/they're very stable there's not a lot of emotional weight?

Nat x Richie

I felt some vibes here and there, you know?

They're sweet.

Richie x Jess

It would make sense as a part of Richie's arc.

Funny how some people that ship them based on a couple of looks hate sydcarmy with 3 seasons worth of interactions though.

Michael x Richie

I feel like I'd like this like camrich, but also it might break my heart, so idk if I want to see what's up.

Marcus x Chester

Chester was chill, shame he only got two seconds in s3.

Knowing Marcus had someone outside the restaurant who's supportive was comforting.

Tina x David

They were adorable in "napkins".

Makes sense they're married irl.

Tina x Michael

Felt a vibe for a split second when she talked about him in s1 ngl.

If she didn't have a husband atp--

Sydney x Claire

I think I saw a fic with this on ao3. Don't care about Claire, so you know.

Richie x Tiff

Clearly there's still love there, shame with what happened to them.

Carmy x Luca

I don't see why not.

Carmy x Chef David

😳 I mean, I get the appeal but in the context of the show, yikes. (Not that I haven't shipping something "worse").

[pretendcottagelady]

The Work Journal Experiment

There is some irony to the fact I had once told myself that I could not imagine working out of more than one journal at a time. However, as I'm finding I'm turning to journaling more and more because of how my brain works, I'm starting to think more and more about where journaling can help me.

Work, has never been a huge issue for me, even though I've had my moments between a large workload and not realizing I have ADHD. Honestly, there are times I probably should have gotten in trouble at work, but never did because the things I let slide actually didn't matter in the long run (that is, tasks that were nice to do for people but not necessary to keep things running), and the fact I seemed to have given people the impression that I'm very effective.

But I've always known it could be better, hence my year long work journal experiment. The is a basic weekly layout, in where I list the tasks I know I have to do on the left, sorting them by absolutely must do, need to do and are required to do. That is, my priority 1s, 2s and 3s. On the right is a running daily log of what it was that I actually got done. And this set up exists for a few reasons.

I want to see if the permanency of ink and paper will help in me getting what I want to get done, done because I cannot move those priorities unlike a digital list.

Having a journal open on front of me may stop the constant checking back and forth that happens when you work in several screens.

Seeing if keeping track of what I have done using little tallies will motivate me more as it's like having a score sheet go up

Having constant data of what my workload is like so I can communicate better to the people who are trying to help me.

Since I don't need a large variety of collections, a normal notebook will last a full year. As for the decoration, it's a very good excuse to use up stickers and things that wouldn't be enough for a month long theme.

[archivalofsins]

Huh- wild week so far. Well, I guess this is less about this one week and more about the past three years.

On top of yesterday, I had a disability court hearing today. Something that had been stressing me out for a while in private.

That got postponed for later due to paperwork issues. Yet at that brief meeting it became abundantly clear to the judge, my mother, my sister, a friend, and their mom-

Yep, still disabled. Most definitely.

So, let's postpone until you get the representative paperwork that is required by law as of eight days ago in because you cannot do this without one.

Then after that my sister discovered that the psychiatrist who's been purposely blocking me from disability and accommodations for going three years as of 08/17/24. This woman is literally mentioned in the court document 334 times and the document itself is a total of 375 pages. Yeah that person became a limited liability psychiatric specialist. Something that means she is protected when it comes to cases of malpractice.

Neato. Love to see a bad bitch winning, gaslight, gatekeep, get legally protected from screwing over your patients by becoming limited liability~

That psychiatrist who I have mentioned here before was mentally abusive, dehumanized/infantilized me, withheld my diagnosis forms (for several months after testing completed), tried to get me institutionalized by claiming I was suicidal because I stated I was cutting ties with her after getting said forms, and retroactively changed my diagnosis after I cut ties while claiming I hadn't done that despite the fact I sent her a formal sign and dated letter stating I was doing that.

This is the state of american mental health care if you're black. I suppose-

Yet, some know-it-alls will still go if you have x why aren't you diagnosed. Prove it go on.

I've been in what can only be referred to as Schrodinger's diagnoses since 2022 because of this one woman. This one psychiatrist. Who for all I know is legally protected from the consequences of her actions now. Like the things she actively choose to do which includes lying Social Security Administration with malicious intent which is perjury.

Something that has led to several ever postponing court hearings based on her words alone. Each time going well maybe it will be over after this. Maybe, this will be the last time. Even worse I'm pretty sure if I was still living in the city where I was born (where it's difficult to even get a mail in ballot for some people), this may not have even gotten as far as being seen by a judge.

I genuinely thought well that's just how things are for African Americans for like the past several years. Because it is this lady's actions weren't new to me when she did it yeah it was terrible but I literally said multiple times well that's just how it goes.

Until this phone call today where several people went hey these are actually egregiously horrid circumstances and this bitch is insane.

She deserves to be sued. So, at this point, if anyone tries to act like early diagnosis isn't a privilege afforded to a lucky few- They can honestly kiss my whole ass. I don't have time to explain the intersectionality of race and class when it comes to the mental healthcare one is capable of obtaining be it through school, vocation, or familial intervention outside of what I'm typing right now.

Which is the most extreme case in my circle of associates. Even my mother was like "Oh my god she never told why didn't you explain in depth." to which I went oh yeah I forgot about that like it was just a casual thing.

Because everything else is fucking outlandish the therapist before her refused to test me because I could hold a conversation and believed critical race theory shouldn't be taught in schools which dates that interaction rather well. At that point the bar was in the fucking in the fucking ground I just wanted to get tested. That's not even touching on how most people only test children for the things I wanted to get tested for which was the issue with the critical race theory shouldn't be taught in schools psychiatrist.

My current therapist the one into Milgram has been like oh my gosh I'm just happy you wanted to continue therapy- Because this literally happened while I was seeing her. The person retesting me for adhd was like oh my gosh I'm just happy you're trying again. Meanwhile my ass has been here like it's not big deal shit happens no reason to give up on seeking treatment and lose faith in psychology as a whole. I like psychology people don't always use it right but it is a truly great field of study and tool for navigating life.

Which I still believe is a fair reaction but maybe not a strong enough one considering the last person who diagnosed me literally tried to have me arrested due to said diagnosis. Then went lol there's nothing wrong with her to a court of law in order to make it as difficult as possible for me to get disability or accommodations in any way.

Also learned my visual processing is slow and it's immensely understandable I'm not okay with driving and that's been my Tuesday. I have therapy at four pm.

In short fuck people who commit malpractice~

This shit is not fun to go through but at least I'm still alive. Next year I'll be thirty dealing with the fall out of something that happened when I was literally-

This shit is impressive. What the actual fuck is my life right now? I hope this ends soon but now my family, my friend and her mom are discussing suing this woman. Because got damn this is a lot... Fuck it. It happens to others too probably I don't know any others but like if it happened to me it's happening to someone else probably as I type this because,

Sources

Forbes Advisor: Medical Malpractice Statistics Of 2024 The Law Offices Of Jaroslawicz & Jaros, PLLC: When Can You Sue a Mental Health Professional for Malpractice? Lipkin & Apter: Types of Psychiatric Malpractice

Learning a lot today. Know your rights I suppose. Well I can take solace in knowing some of the prisoners experiences with this have been just as bad. Silver linings you know it's happen to more people because it's somewhat being represented in media for once instead of blatantly fucking ignored.

[life-of-an-asexual]

Hello. I hope you and the other mods are doing okay. I want to talk about an experience I had a few months ago that I didn't really have the proper words to talk about it back then. I don't really have all of the right words now either, but I feel more comfortable talking about it now. It's an experience that I find confusing, and kind of aromantic or asexual, but I don't know exactly how to define it. I went on a date a while ago with a guy I met on Hinge. We decided on it kind of spontaneously, but he seemed really sweet and I enjoyed talking to him, so I agreed to go out with him. We went out for dinner, and then to a comedy show, by a comedian we both are big fans of. I had a good time on the date, and I enjoyed the guy's company, he was very sweet. But I didn't really feel anything more than that. When I told one of my friends about how my date went, I told them it was good, and they immediately started asking me if he paid for dinner, if he dropped me back, and if he kissed me (he didn't kiss me, which I'm glad about because I didn't want to). I do genuinely appreciate how courteous and kind the guy was to me, but what really confused me (and kind of annoyed me), was the implicit romantic pressure behind all of these gestures, because I just viewed his actions as a courtesy and politeness. I was also kind and courteous to him, and I know my friends meant well when they asked me these questions, but I don't understand why I was expected to feel so strongly about a guy after only one date. I joked with my friend that I had more feelings for the comedian than my date, and honestly, that's kind of true. I really didn't think...anything about the date I went on other than it was nice. I just need some reassurance that I'm not overthinking this and maybe some advice about whether or not I should try dating again or not. Why are allo dating expectations so confusing?

so wayy back in the day, in high school, before i realized i was an aroace enby, i started hanging out one-on-one with the guy who would later be my boyfriend. my dad said "that boy is trying to date you" and i said "what you're insane lol we're just hanging out" and he said "you're a boy and girl going out places together just the two of you" and i said "your antiquated ideas of gender and sexuality are showing" and he said "has this boy been paying for things?" and i said "yeah so what sometimes you pay for things and sometimes the other person does that's called FRIENDSHIP old man" and he said, again "that boy is trying to date you" and i laughed in his face

anyway, it turns out the guy WAS actually trying to date me and was, in fact, under the impression that we WERE dating for several weeks before i clued in. in my defense, he never tried to hold my hand or kiss me, so how i was supposed to know?? he wasn't doing anything i hadn't done with other friends. why should his gender and the fact he paid for things make a difference??

the point of this is that Heterosexual* Dating Culture has always been something beyond my comprehension and i definitely sympathize with your situation

( *i use "heterosexual" here to refer to heteronormativity, which includes the standards of gender roles, bioessentialism, monogamy, allosexism, and sexnormativity)

as for dating again, it's honestly up to you. i ended up dating that guy for almost two years, and i never developed sexual or romantic feelings for him, but i appreciated the relationship that we had. i've dated one other person, a girl i did have romantic feelings for, and that lasted about five months and i really enjoyed it. i've attempted dates with a couple other people and was not particularly inspired by the experiences. it's been over a decade since i've tried it out and i've been just fine

you can try whenever you feel like it and then stop trying when you don't. i'm afraid i haven't got much better advice than that lol. in the meantime, try not to let the allos get you down

~Mod Q

[theferalsquirrel]

Update and where I've been

Okay, so I made a post a few days ago to show that I'm still alive, as well as the fact that I was going to post an update about what's going on. So, here's the deal.

I mentioned a while back that I hurt my hand and that I've been needing to wear a brace off and on. And this is still going on. I've been advised by my orthopedic doctor to wear the brace when doing artwork, especially fine details. I've also acquired some arthritis gloves, which have fortunately eased the pain. For a while I was essentially trying to re-learn how to draw with the new limitations of the brace. However, the pain got so bad that I pretty much had to stop drawing entirely and focus on healing. In short, the pain was getting worse. I even had to quit my job a month or so ago as the pain became too great.

I haven't been able to draw for about the last two months, and as someone whose main stress reliever is drawing, this has been a less than unpleasant experience. Heck my hand is starting to hurt and cramp up just typing this out.

Since the pain wasn't improving, I went back to my doctor and explained to him what's going on, to which he sent in an order for an MRI of my hand to the hospital, of which I'm still waiting on the insurance to approve of.

I'm hoping to try and get back into drawing a little bit, just taking far more frequent breaks than usual. But I don't know how it'll go from here on out. This entire experience has been exceptionally difficult and depressing for me, as the idea of potentially never drawing again has reared its ugly head on multiple occasions. And that has done nothing to help my mental health. As someone who wants to write and draw to make stories, and uses this as my main creative outlet, the idea of having that stripped away from me in any way is terrifying.

There's also the added bit that I've been planning on serving a mission for my church sometime later this year, and I don't know how often I'll be able to be on here, or when my mission begins. It could be I won't be on Tumblr for a solid eighteen months, or perhaps I could still post every now and again during that eighteen-month period. I honestly don't know, as everything in my life seems up in the air at the moment.

So... Yeah. That's been my life. No job, off-and-on stabbing pains in my dominant hand, struggling to indulge in two of my biggest passions in life, and all-around uncertainty about the future and where everything is headed. Not to get too religious, but I am someone who relies on my faith when things get hard. But even now it's been difficult.

I'm going to try to create more art and play around with my (kind of) YouTube channel as I explore my limitations and where I'm at, and I'd like it if those who've stuck by me this long would be willing to stick around a while longer. But no pressure.

I just wanted to let people know that I'm alive, and what's going on. Not sure how many people will read this, but I trust that those who know me will. I'm not leaving Tumblr for good, not at all. I'm just in the midst of figuring a lot of things out.

[the-blind-assassin-12]

Quiet & Still

1200 words for 1200 followers #10

A/N: Hi friends! Welcome to the 12-A-Palooza! This event is my way of saying thank you for sticking with me. Your support and kindness toward me and my writing is out of this world and I’m grateful for every last one of you! This one is one of the first requests that I received for this event, and it went through quite a few iterations before I landed on this plot, but I'm happy with how it turned out. The song is about not being able to put feelings into writing - something I am all too familiar with - and also about how sometimes when you fall in love it's not this big, magic noticeable moment but a series of smaller ones that add up to a simple realization. And simple is perfect for Din because his life is complicated enough. This is a one-shot that is not connected to anything else I have written, and I hope you enjoy!

Warnings: a little bit of mild angst but this one is honestly very tame.

Requested by: Anonymous Song: My Love Character choice: Din Djarin. Thank you so much for sending this in, whoever you are! This one was a very fun challenge for me. Pairing such a dance bop with the tin can man was bold and I like your style. I hope you like what I've done with it!

Summary: As the singer in a Mos Eisley cantina you've seen your fair share of things and known your fair share of people. But you've never been in love. You wouldn't know it if it smacked you in the face. Would you?

“Any chance you’ve got anything new for tonight?” 

You wince in the mirror at Lerna’s question. It’s been weeks since you’ve had any new material, and the reminder, even if it comes in the form of a gently asked question, stirs your anxiety. Your hand falters on the way up to fix the embellishment on your headpiece, and you know it doesn't go unnoticed by Lerna’s sharp eyes. She sees everything. As a cantina owner, she has to. 

You clear your throat as you fix the green gem, laying it flat against your forehead. “Um… Not for tonight, no.” Letting out a breath you turn to face the woman. “But I’m working on some new songs and…” You trail off, unsure of how you intended to finish your sentence when you began it. 

How long can I tell her that I’m working on new music with nothing to show for it? 

Thankfully she doesn’t press you on it before leaving the dressing room. You want to tell Lerna that the regulars who’ve been complaining about hearing the same songs would have nothing to say soon. But the truth is that while you’d spent almost every night of the last month staring at the empty screen of your datapad, willing words to spin themselves into lyrics, none have come to you. Where the light of the moons used to comfort you as you wrote, now it seems only to highlight the fact that more time is passing and you’ve still written nothing. 

You feel your chest tighten as you make the realization. 

Not since Din left. 

You’re suddenly very aware of the way the gem on your headpiece feels against your skin - not like a gem at all, actually, but smooth and light. Like glass. 

You remember the way your eyes had widened when the roguish explorer who claimed to have visited the surface of Mandalore brandished the chunk of engraved metal encrusted in a layer of green crystal. “There are rumors that the planet’s been cursed. Or destroyed. Or poisoned,” the man explained to you one night at the bar after your set was through - as though you hadn’t heard those same rumors from a source that you considered to be much more direct. “But I’ve proven them all false by retrieving this!” He’d laughed, taking a swig of spotchka and sliding the piece in your direction. You remember running your fingers over the grooves of the etched inscription and recognizing the language as Mando’a. You remember the thought that flashed through your mind at that moment. 

It’s the same as the writing on Din’s tattoo. 

You’d run your fingertips over that inscription, too. 

It was a bad idea to sleep with patrons of the cantina. Despite the fact that Lerna ran a tight ship and did her best to keep it relatively free of scum, you never could be too careful when it came to getting close to the people who frequented the place. Smugglers, pirates, outlaws. Bounty Hunters. It was safer for you to keep your distance, to keep the stage between you and them even when you bumped elbows at the bar. But the Mandalorian had made you want to break that rule from the first night that you met him.

And though he had been slow to open up to you at first, it seemed that there was something about you that made his rules more flexible, too. 

Eventually the two of you had begun an unspoken relationship of sorts - one where nothing was promised but the prospect of a warm body to share a bed with for however long his business brought him to your planet. Nothing was promised, but things were still given. You’d told him of your dreams of leaving Tatooine. He’d shared his desire for redemption. Both of you had explained why those things could never happen. You without a ship nor means to afford passage off-world, and him without a way to access the only solution for atonement. 

But then you’d seen proof that perhaps his dream wasn’t out of reach. 

Though the half-drunken traveler had lost the chunk of fusion glass to a Jawa in a hand of sabacc almost immediately after showing it to you, you hadn’t hesitated in sending a holo to Din’s ship. “I have a lead on something you’ll definitely want to look into,” you’d told him. “Come back to Mos Eisley as soon as you can.” 

He’d arrived three days later, and when you told him what you’d seen you could almost feel the weight leave his shoulders at just the thought that what he sought might be possible. Three more days passed as he tracked the Jawa’s crawler so he could barter for the piece, and then he was back at your apartment, the jagged green glass laying on your table. 

“I don’t know how to thank you for this,” he’d said, the vocoder in his helmet doing little to disguise the genuine emotion in his naturally husky voice. “You’ve given me…” His helmet tilted so that the horizontal slit of his visor was trained on your eyes. “Hope.” 

Your response came as natural as breathing. “Thank me by coming back here when you’re done.” 

He’d said something to you then, something in his own tongue that you didn’t understand as he rested the curve of his helm against your forehead. When he left the next morning he’d taken the glass with him. But he’d chipped off a small piece of it to leave with you. 

As you bring your fingers up to brush them against the chip of green glass, it hits you, the reason for your creative drought: you’re worried that something has happened to him. That there was some truth to the rumors about Mandalore. That he’d been hurt. Or worse. You shudder at the thought. 

No. He’s… He’ll be alright. He’ll come back. 

But there’s something else, too. Something that hits you just as hard: that over time, through those stolen moments and shared nights, you’ve fallen in love with Din Djarin. And you’re not sure if you’ll ever get to tell him. You’re not sure what to do with that love if you can’t give it to him and you can’t pour it into your music. All you can do is wait. 

You’re pulled from your revelation when Lerna knocks on the door frame. “Showtime. You ready?”

You sigh and try your best to tuck your recent realizations back into the depths of your heart. Shuffling your features into something that you hoped was close to a smile, you nod. “Of course.” It’s a lie, but show business doesn’t always want the whole truth. 

“Good.” Lerna gives you a knowing look, her grin curving into a smirk. “Because someone just walked in asking when your set starts, and I think you’re gonna be happy to see him.” 

Lerna, like always, is right. 

The songs you sing that night aren’t new. They’re ones you’ve sung countless times. But as you gaze out into the crowd of patrons there’s only one person that you see. There’s only one person that you sing to, and it makes the old songs seem new.

.

.

Thank you for reading! If you’d like to be added to or removed from the tag list, please feel free to let me know. You can also fill out the form on my Masterlist! :)

tags: @something-tofightfor @gollyderek​ @pheedraws​ @beautifuldesastre​ @alraedesigns @valkblue @commanderlola @cannedsoupsucks @dihra-vesa @marauderskeeper @disgruntledspacedad @littlemisspascal @mishasminion360 @stevie75 @nyctophiliiiiaaa @practicalghost @tanzthompson @harriedandharassed @woodlandmouth @thescarletfang @trickstersp8 @princessxkenobi @imtryingmybeskar @wildmoonflower @mswarriorbabe80 @hp-hogwartsexpress @theredwritingwitch @silverstarsandsuns @competentpotato @pedro-pedrito-pascalito @jedi-in-crocs @hannahkatharinee @anoverwhelmingdin @chiyo13 @myloveistoolittle @spishsstuff @noisynightmarepoetry

[dewsdoit]

we're not really strangers pt. 2.2

wonwoo x oc

no professional proofreading. may contain grammatical errors.

This has got to be the longest I’ve ever spent time with him.

Midterms are done, I’m half way through my last semester, and I’m still working on this project with him. The past few months have been crazy. Or at least for me it is.

Wonwoo and I have been messaging each other almost everyday. We ask each other about how our day went, if we’ve already eaten, and we send videos or photos of things that we might enjoy. In fact, we haven’t stopped talking ever since that night his car broke down.

I was still lying on the floor, thinking about how much I’d fallen for this guy whom I only have vague memories of from my childhood. I was going down in a spiral of thoughts, wondering if I only like him because of his beautiful face, approachable personality, perfect height, and his seemingly awkward demeanor that I find charming. I could list all the reasons why I like him, but I can’t even think of one reason why he would like me back. Or why would anything other than friendship start between the two of us?

All of these thoughts were interrupted by my phone’s buzzing. It buzzed twice.

“I had fun today. Hope we can do that more often :)”

“Hangout, I mean. Anyway, let me know if you got home safely.”

My heart sank, I think I swallowed it. I’m in all sorts of pain and my heart is racing so fast. He enjoys my company?… no, no, no. Let’s not go there.

“I had fun today too. Thanks for checking up on me, I’m home now. Let me know if you’re already ho|“

— Should I ask?? Would it sound like I’m being clingy or am I being too nice? Do I text back immediately or should I wait?

“I had fun today too. Thanks for checking up on me, I’m home now. Let me know if you’re already home too.”

✓ Sent

I got up so fast that all the blood came rushing down to body. I got so lightheaded from overthinking what I just said. Maybe I need to get a grip of myself and just play it cool.

My phone buzzed again.

“I just got home actually, thanks for checking up on me too. You should get some rest. I’ll see you again on Monday!”

I tried stopping myself from smiling by putting my hands on my face aggressively. I managed to get up, take a shower, and eat dinner with my mom. As I finally let my body meet my bed, I thought to myself, “Maybe there are good things to look forward to on Mondays.” I allow myself to feel such glee at the idea of seeing him again, I let the thought of his company take over my thoughts for tonight.

My phone buzzed again.

“Hey, I remember you have a cat like this one. He must be this adorable too. :)”

He sent a cute clip of a ginger cat having zoomies and stopping occasionally to look at its owner. He remembered my ginger boy… This familiar feeling comes so naturally now. My heart fluttered so much that it felt like it sank deep, deep down to my stomach. Seems like there is no use in denying it now.

I responded and told him that he is a lot like that. We continued to talk about my cat, and one question led to another, so the conversation continued.

Next thing I knew, it was already 4 in the morning. He wanted to call me in the middle of our conversation but I got so scared. Why was I afraid of that?? It'd be stupid to deny that I wanted to hear his voice on the other line but I backed out like a coward.

"I'm in my mom's room so I can't take a call right now. I shouldn't even be awake right now..."

I lied, I'm literally alone in my small room.

"Oh, okay. I understand. Aren't you tired yet? Your mom might scold you if she wakes up and finds you still awake."

I've been typing with one eye open but I don't even care, I just wanted to keep talking to him.

"I mean if you're tired, we can sleep now. I don't feel tired at all, honestly."

Another lie he doesn't need to know. I'm really letting myself go right now.

"Well... it is pretty late. Let's get some rest, shall we? I'll make sure to message you when I wake up. :)"

Weirdly enough his words put a halt to my desire to keep talking to him. Truth be told, I'm afraid that this is the only time he'll find me interesting enough to talk to. A bigger fear creeps in as my confidence depletes whenever I think about him. Why am I afraid of losing someone who's not even mine in the first place? So, our simple midnight conversation should stay as it is. There's no harm in talking to him, regardless of what I feel towards him. But I should really keep in mind that he might never reciprocate those feelings back and I should keep things the way they are right now.

"Goodnight, Wonwoo. I'll talk to you then. :)"

And we did talk after that. We started having lunch together after our film class. We would discuss what we just learned and try to apply that in our shots, we'd talk about anything and everything. There were days when we'd meet up at our cafe spot just to edit together. We would go there often, but we don't mind hanging out anywhere. Sometimes his friends would sit with us and some of them became close to me too. "Okay okay, but I haven't even opened these cards yet and you're telling me that the two of you are already on the second level? You've only had this for a few months, dude", his friend nags. "Well, we hang out a lot more than you think. Besides, it's a fun game. You get to know each other really well.", Wonwoo responds.

He was looking down at his food while saying that, but he looked up at me and gave me a soft smile. I let out a little laugh and kept playing with my food. I wish I choked on my food but I couldn't even take a single bite for a moment there. I hope I'm doing a good job of keeping myself composed cause I can feel my breath being taken away. His friend flips a level 2 card and faces toward me, "Okay, let me ask you what this card says, "What trait of yours is a dead giveaway that you're interested in someone?" In perfect timing, a piece of pasta gets stuck in my throat. I tried to stop coughing so I could talk but I just couldn't get the words out of my mouth. "You can take your time, seems like I caught you off guard there.", his friend Seungkwan teases. "It'd be nice if you actually help her out you know.", Wonwoo says while handing out his bottled water to me. He already took the cap off so I just chugged it down. "I-um...I don't really know what trait...I mean, I don't think I have any trait that would make it seem obvious that I like someone. Or maybe I'm just really good at hiding it.", I say proudly as if I don't experience at least 5 symptoms of chronic nausea just thinking about Wonwoo. "So, does that mean that you're pretty straightforward then? You can say 'I like you' without hesitation?", Seungkwan asks. I stare at him blankly and it seems like Wonwoo is also waiting for a response. If I'm being honest, I could admit my feelings right then and there if he kept staring at me with his soft and charming eyes. "Maybe, maybe not? I guess you'll never know.", I say teasingly. Seungkwan went on about how people with the same mindset as mine tend to give guys like him the wrong idea. Wonwoo and Seungkwan exchanged banters and opinions about it. Wonwoo was firm that it takes two people to make their relationship work, and Seungkwan was firm that people shouldn't start something they can't commit to. They're both right honestly, it's just entertaining to hear both sides. It was already dark outside when my last class ended. I started walking towards the footbridge, and the cold breeze was fighting to seep through my sweater. I decided to wait inside the building where our cafe spot was. I peeked through the glass window beside me where I got a good, subtle view of the cafe. As I was scanning for available seats, I saw Wonwoo sitting inside. He was so focused on the screen of his laptop, it was so bright that it almost made his glasses appear white. I chuckled a little and looked away for a moment. "That's so adorable", I thought to myself. He's probably re-reading his research given the amount of brightness he had on his screen. I decided to give a second glance at him after a while but he wasn't there anymore. Confused, I stood up and moved closer to the big glass window. Where the hell did he go? I took a step back, and just as I was about to turn around, Wonwoo held onto my shoulders to stop me from losing my balance. We were only a few inches away from each other, and I could see my startled expression on the reflection of his glasses. "You okay?", he asked. A soft smile formed across his face and he looked like he was about to laugh. I forgot how to breathe at this point. "How did- I mean where-", I stuttered. "Were you looking for me?", he asked while his hands stayed on my shoulders with a lighter grip. "No I-I was looking for a seat. I think it's gonna rain soon so I was thinking of staying inside the cafe instead.", I responded.

"If you don't mind staying with me, I already have a table inside. Do you wanna come?", he asked. I was still processing how close our proximity was so I couldn't bring myself to respond immediately. And before I could even speak, he reached down to where I was seated to grab my things. He stood tall in front of me and gestured with his eyes, it looked like he was waiting for my approval. I gave him a small smile and nodded. He offered his hand, which confused me at first 'cause I'm not sure what he meant by that. He then lightly grabs the end of the sleeve of my sweater, gesturing me to go ahead of him. And as we're walking out of the building, he places his hand on my shoulder as if he's guiding me to the cafe. I'm not sure if I should thank him for placing his hand on my shoulder 'cause I can't feel my lower body, I was just floating at that point.

part 2 | part 1.1 (wonwoo's pov) | part 1