Tumgik
#it's been a day but im still mad lol
sungrave · 4 months
Text
I'll be honest for Sam who really wanted the horrors to be real to laugh so hysterically at Gwen when she confessed.... I was ready to stuff him in a locker cuz bruh, she is clearly not in a good space rn YOU CAN LITERALLY TELL BY LOOKING AT HER and then that's your reaction?? Not even a "is this a metaphor for something Gwen? are you trying to tell us something through code Gwen?" My guy Sam u gonna have a sad and horrible fate because you are like that guy who wanted to hunt Bigfoot so badly but forgot to add bears into the equation and when you made contact thinking it's the Revelation of the Year you just got eaten by a hungry bear.
Anyways Gwen is officially my baby now,my sweet pea, my pineapple ring, I am offering my squishmellow strawberry to build plot armor for her.
But for real tho, he is there hoping and trying to get to the bottom of something and when the plot literally gives it to him he is like lol good joke .... And then he has THE AUDACITY to turn to Alice and say oh but maybe it's a supernatural serial killer and u really need to explore this idea like i am getting such hard urge to sit him in front of a microsoft powerpoint presentation about sweep at your own house first before you complain about the dirt at your neighbors or something
63 notes · View notes
theclearblue · 11 days
Text
I'm gonna get into a brawl with my mother one day don't be surprised when I get on the news
#long rant incoming lol but#so my birthday is in like 2 weekends from now and my mom asked me for a list of things i want#so i compiled a list of six things with like 2 $10 options 2 like $17 options and one $25 and $60 option#and i wanna be clear i dont really care to make one but she gets pissy if i dont and its meant as more an ideas list#i dont need everything on there and its meant for my entire family#or ignore the list! i don't care!#FREAKED OUT on me saying i was being selfish/too expensive and im like....i never expected all of this stuff epseically from one person...#i am happy with one of the $10 options or a gift card or something else entirely so like#it kinda feels bad to get asked for a list of stuff i want and then get called selfish for it and then for her to talk behind my back about#me to my sister lol#also asked me if i was available for a bday celebration on a certain day and i was like yeah i got a thing in the afternoon but i can#still make it#get yelled at AGAIN bc she said oh u can leave that early and i was like...uh...no i cant lol im sorry....i paid to go to this thing already#and its like why ask me if u are gonna get mad if im unavailable (which im not even lmao)#idk it's just it's always been an ideas list in my family so i dont get why she's freaking out on me and acting like im asking for so much#espcially cause she just changed out all of her kitchen appliances and redid all of the landscaping in her front and back yard like 😭😭😭#truly didnt think a $10-20 gift was like crazy if u did wanna get me a gift lol#not really looking forward to it now ngl#chen.txt#rant post
7 notes · View notes
poppyseed799 · 10 months
Text
btw I don’t know if this is a thing anyone is thinking about but I’m not gonna stop drawing Jimmy as a canary. It’s a lovely bird. It’s still something that’s been really important to his series. There’s no reason to drop the canary headcanon just cuz Lizzie fell into the void.
#warning: don’t open up these tags I went on a very heated and rather unrelated rant cuz I’ve been mad#trafficblr#life series#secret life spoilers#secret life smp#jimmy solidarity#also I’m sick of seeing ppl celebrate Jimmy surviving because they hate the canary curse fans like SHUT UP!!! LET US HAVE FUN GOD!!!#LIKE LITERALLY EVEN IF NOBODY CAME UP WITH THE CANARY METAPHOR WE WOULD STILL BE TALKING ABOUT HOW HES ALWAYS DYING OK WE DIDNT MAKE UP THAT#HE DIES FIRST HE JUST DOES. GOD. so what if some people make shakespeare sounding posts about the curse that I don’t understand. we are JUST#having fun and making connections where we don’t need to BECAUSE ITS FUN. NOT CUZ WE DONT CARE ABOUT ANYTHING ELSE. sorry for the past few#days I’ve been genuinely mad at this fandom’s growing hatred towards its own community.#LIKE IM FINE IF ITS NOT YOUR THING BUT GOD. WE ARENT EVEN DOING ANYTHING 😭😭😭 THE LORE LITERALLY WRITES ITSELF OR IS WRITTEN BY MARTYN LOL#I’ve just been getting SO TILTED man. like ohhh yeah okay ur right i said too much guess I won’t say anything anymore#does anyone else genuinely not know wtf ppl are talking about when they say a certain hc takes over everything about the character#cuz I literally see so much varied Jimmy content yet I’ve seen several ppl complain that ppl ignore aspects of his character in favor of#WHATEVER when I literally don’t see that happening to him. step out of ur circle or something I don’t even HAVE a circle man
33 notes · View notes
Text
I LOVE going everywhere by bike. Don't need to wait for a bus. Don't need to cram myself into a bus with (urgh) people. Or even worse, what feels like every single student in town. I still get home in about the same amount of time. I'm so so flexible including with places. Like yeah sure, let's go there! I don't care if the next bus station is far away. Doesn't matter to me.
Stayed out late with friends recently. Two of em had to get their family to come pick them up because that's too far to walk and it was too late for buses. A different friend lives like 30 minutes away but always walks and their way goes through a small park where literally no one is at with few lanterns so it's pitch black and I could literally just walk them home and then take the bike which is faster and has its own light and feels and probably is safer than walking those dark ass streets at night alone.
Like. I can just do all that. And yeah, sometimes when I'm not doing too well I feel like collapsing afterwards and yeah, maybe my fingers feel like falling off a lot at this time of year but that's like. SO worth it. I have no idea how people can live and NOT go everywhere by bike. Like if it's more than 20-30 minutes maybe but even with hills.... I fucking love my bike.
#a biscuit's rambles#also i just love going out with friends til late??#with the lockdown and shit that is such an entirely new experience and its great#also i like feeling useful i think. i like walking a friend home knowing ill definitely get home safe#idk#i also like my bike. a lot#been taking it literally every single day for years now and i have no regrets#EXCEPT FOR THOSE FUCKING PEDESTRIANS THAT HEAR MY BELL AND DO NOT FUCKING MOVE#AND THE OTHER BIKES THAT JUST DONT RING THEIR BELLS OR NOT EVEN HAVE ANY#LIKE THEN YOU GOTTA AT LEAST YELL AT PEOPLE TO MOVE OVER YOU NUMBNUT#A BIKE IS QUIET THEY DO NOT HEAR YOU THEY WILL NOT MOVE OVER MAGICALLY#AND IM STUCK BEHIND YOU#ALSO ITS JUST ASSHOLE BEHAVIOUR LIKE SOMEITMES WARNING SOMEONE SO THEY KEEP TO THE BLOODY SIDE IS GOOD!!!#and dont even get me STARTED ON SOME OF THE CARS#MUCH LESS THE STUPID ASS FUCKING INFRASTRUCTURE OF MY TOWN#ITS LIKE THEY WANT BIKES TO BE RUN OVER#fun fact i have been run over before#just fuckin collided with a car#nobody would listen to me try to pick apart the details of how it felt#which was probably my way of trying to cope with that experience lol#though nothing serious happened. bUT STILL#also oh god that one stupid fucking street with those stupid ass cars NOBODY NEEDS A CAR THERE JUST BAND HTEM ALREADY#AND THE. THE FUCKIGN ROADWORKS#I CAN NOT REACH MY SCHOOL WITHOUT ALMOST BEING EITHER HIT IN THE HEAD WITH A HUGE SHOVEL OR RUN OVER BY A TRUCK#AND IF THATS NOT THE CASE THEN THERES SO MANY FCKING PEOPLE THAT EVEN IF I YELL AT THEM LIKE MAD I CANT GET PAST WITHOUT RUNNING SOMEONE#THROUGH MYSELF#im very passionate about all things bike. but thinking abt it is a huge part of my life so im allowed to be
8 notes · View notes
justsquibby · 6 months
Text
Got my ass handed to me in ranked zero builds so
I think it’s time to finally write my Madoka magica movie four theory thoughts
MxSquibby's Walpurgisnacht Rising theory thoughts
(Thoughts are based off my knowledge of the franchise so I could be missing vital info)
I think the big premise for this movie is showing off Walpurgisnacht’s lore or some info about her. and like usual she is going to disrupt Homura’s wish. Or In this case her world and probably force homura to make a choice.
by the logic of Homura’s wish.
Three peoples karmic destiny should have been cranked up to a billion since the timelines always converged the most around 3 people.
Madoka(who the wish was for) and her amount karmic destiny is why she was able to make the ultimate wish and become the law of cycles for magical girl kind.
Homura (who made the wish) increased her own amount of karmic destiny which is why she was able to split apart Madoka (and take her memories?) and rewrite the universe to her liking which essentially just what she did in her labyrinth, but with more production value and can change the entire universe and not limited within the confines of her labyrinth and witch magic.
I’m guessing Homura’s got Madoka in what I like to call “The Good Place Season 2”
Which light spoilers for that show ahead but
One of the main characters, Michael, traps Eleanor and the other humans within a time loop. Erasing their memories every time Eleanor figures out what Michael is doing to them. Repeating this over and over. Over 800(0?) times, with each time him slightly tweaking and changing things to try and get a different outcome of her not figuring it out.
I think this what Homura’s doing to an extent. We saw at the end of rebellion, how fragile Homura’s hold on Madoka’s memories was. However all homura really has to do is ground Madoka back down to homura’s rewritten reality and since a part of Madoka does want to stay on earth and live a normal life this helps her forget easily of her god hood. However this very fact is what will always make her remember in the end. If madoka truly starts to enjoy her life on earth, She knows deep in her SOUL that she sacrificed her normal human life for a cosmic duty of Saving magical girls so anytime she thinks to hard about it or just kind of realizes she should only being viewing the lives of normal people not interacting with them she will start to remember and become magical girl god again but homura will just grab her again and reset her memories and then rewrite the timeline. Starting once again… essentially... ANOTHER TIME LOOP. Homura’s favorite thing 😂😭
And I’m guessing Homura’s got to do this a lot. Like hundreds of times. And if sayakas around during one these moments she sure as hell is also going to remember homura being a “devil” so homura will have no choice but to rewrite the timeline again and again. With each time she’s most likely going to make slight changes to the world in attempt to make Madoka not remember. I think it’s why she remembers so easily at first. It was waaaay to similar to the thousands of timelines her and homura lived through (ultimate Madoka is aware of all the timeloops homura and her went through so following that similar time loop structure will probably make her remember faster so Homura is going to start changing things. Which is whyyy we see the girls in different costumes at one point in the trailer. (I think this is why in that old ass concept trailer we saw Madoka being a ballerina, one to resemble Madoka just being part of Homura’s elaborate play now but to show her trying normal human things. Homura's going to help her find her human dreams. Maybe madoka wanted to be a dancer. Then after that fails Homura probaby thinks if she can find a perfect scenario where Madoka find some sense of self on earth maybe she will stop remembering her godhood. Maybe Homura can finally live a full human life with her and watch her grow. Maybe Madoka being a dancer, a painter, a musician, a celebrity. Something right? Will stop Madoka from reaching her magical girl potential. Homura’s so obsessed with giving Madoka the life she shouldn’t have had to sacrifice. So she will try over and over to make her happy. To find the one scenario...timeline if you will, where Madoka will be truly happy within her rewritten world.
Which will be a fun way to show the girls in different scenarios that we usually wouldn’t see them in. So like cool new costumes!!! Like cool bandage sayaka is just one of Homura’s AU’s or a by product of one of the new timelines she has rewritten. And sayaka is probably going to have a bigger part. Idk why I just feeeel it. She has special secretary powers. I believe in her. We saw all that special treatment they gave her in S2E1 of the anime timeline of magia record. Bitches love Sayaka. And like Bebe also has secretary powers I guess lol. But she just wants to hangout with mami and eat cheeeeeeese (yoooo plagg and bebe would be besties)
but This movie is just explaining the 3rd girl who’s karmic destiny was increased by this wish and then background info cause we know like nothing about her…
Walpurgisnacht (the reason homura HAD to repeat timelines)
Walpy (for short) is going to put an end to this loop homura and Madoka are trapped in. Or at least change or add to it.
what is concerning is that Walpy’s karmic destiny was already extremely high to begin with for her to end up looking like that. So logically she should be stronger than devil homura, and the only reason she isn’t stronger than ultimate Madoka is because of the wish of Ultimate Madoka made to erase witches. But since madoka’s slightly nerfed at the moment trapped in Homura’s rewritten reality, no one’s actively checking on the law of cycles. Sure girls don’t turn into witches but without Madoka actively monitoring the cycle this might have given some version of Walpy enough time or power to form or to come back and interfere. So I’m guessing homura might have to choose between keeping her time loop safe (and live her fantasy life with madoka) or let Madoka out so she can defeat Walpurgisnacht from destroying the universe homura has tried gone so far to get control of…. Cause homura, at least historically can not beat Walpy lol. So i'm guessing Walpy will always come back to cause universal destruction unless madoka is back. So will Homura be able to let go of her love for sake of the universe? a choice between keeping her love down on earth with her or letting her go and accepting that she’s nothing more than a universal concept. But like Homura’s crafty. She could weasel her way out of this
I will say a crack in this theory is from my own understanding that Walpy is made up of many magical girls? So either we are dealing with many girls coming in or some fusion magical girl perhaps? Or I guess just one of the girls from Walpy would do right? Perhaps the first girl? Though we don’t know if this was an individual wish, and then she absorbed other magical girls/witches or like a group wish? Kind of like the hospital trio. Like you can do a group wishes I suppose.
ALSO another addition to my thoughts. Homura isn’t the Antagonist. Should state that. Kyubey is. And like i haven’t even talked about this fucker yet. (Well in terms of the franchise as a whole, guessing for movie 4 Walpy is our more traditinal antagonist (She also probably takes the form of homura at first to fuck with her, Why we see two homura's in the Movie Poster but thats just a theory lol) but He? little rat noy. Within Homura’s new world order. He’s Most likely just collecting all despair and probably just collecting and suffering with the weight of all negative human emotions and curses within a labyrinth. Like. She probably just making him and the hive mind know what it’s life to feel emotions, specifically all those negative ones you’ve been putting magical girls through for hundreds of years. But like he could be up to some fuck shit. He technically is like a robot made by an alien race, right? So like they could finally pull up on us or something and be like “what have you done to my robo rat sons, you fucks”
But anyway I’m rambling a bit now but homura isn't the antagonist because she pulls Madoka from the law of cycles for a multitude of reasons, she states it’s for her love for Madoka. Which yes that is true but homura also understands Madoka should have never had to make this wish. The flower field scene conversation in rebellion is what makes homura realize this. Madoka is a normal girl, she just never got the time to figure herself out or to figure out normal human dreams. She was a young naive girl, where in many timelines used her wish to save a cat or make a cake. Because at first glance being a magical girl is a once in a lifetime opportunity, you don’t pass up. So she never got a shot at a real life when she should have. Madoka never wanted to leave behind her friends and family. She loves them. Like the girl don’t got much That’s like one of her core traits, she loves her friends, is a great daughter, and a great big sister, love cute things, is pink like 😭😭 But Madoka was just another cog in the magical girl machine but because of Homura’s wish it gave a Madoka a chance to look at the whole machine and see what the fuck has been going on. So Madoka, with no real dreams or goals, but is given the opportunity and explicitly told by the evil rat himself that she could make literally ANY wish. So when she sees everything and realizes she has the unique opportunity to save all magical girl kind from their souls being tortured for all eternity until murdered by another magical girl well no shit she HAS to make this wish. She doesn’t have any other choice in her eyes. To badly paraphrase Kyoko. "Something something if you have a loving family and good food on the table why on earth would you sacrifice that to be a magical girl? but who knows maybe one day you’ll be backed into a corner and you’ll HAVE to make a wish. If that day comes something something I guess i can approve of you being a magical lass"
So like. Is it fair? Ya know. All this is Kyubey and some alien race’s fault. Why should these girls have to suffer because of him. Who cares about the heat death of the universe. Let it burn, because if torturing magical girls is the only way of keeping it alive then fuck the universe. Like Madoka shouldn’t have to sacrifice her human life to save all these girls from suffering because they shouldn’t be suffering. They shouldn’t be turning into witches. Like 😭 and homura doesn’t think it’s fair that Madoka should be the one to make this sacrifice to save magical girls because Madoka wouldn’t have even been able to make the ultimate wish if not for homura’s wish but like also homura shouldn’t have been turned into a magical girl herself like it’s all fucked and idk what the end would even look like?
So Like a happy ending would be getting revenge on the RAT kyubey… and like idk. I don’t think that’s happening. Like if you want a happy ending for these girls I believe it falls within our little anomaly timeline. Which I like to believe the magia record game timeline is held within a phone. (Cause get it, it’s like a gacha game we play on our phones lol.) and when Madoka touched the anomaly timeline at the end of arc 1? Now the record phone screen is cracked 🫨🫨
I don’t think we’ll get a horrific or completely tragic ending but it will probably be bittersweet or mixed emotions. (Would LOVE TO BE WRONG, GIMMIE HAPPY) But also we won’t see the end end to this franchise for a hot minute lol. Like I’m pretty sure this is technically be advertised as the 4th movie. Though more like the second movie but I guess the movie versions of the anime do count I guess. Idk. The first two movies are fine, best part is just some updated animation and new yuki Kajiura tracks… but yeah i don’t think it’s the final movie.
Now what like actually happens? Fuck if I know. I’m still half expecting mayabu to find infinite iroha and make her pop in to save everyone cause idk. Is homura realllllly gonna let Madoka go. Ya know? Like she’ll probably try to control Walpy or fight her for a hot minute before even considering of letting Madoka go again.
And ALSO.
Okay I feel like I covered all my brain theories about the movie... for now… Idk if I explored or finished every thought. I know I be yapping. And I have adhd so And I can YAP about Madoka and then immediately forget where exactly I was at in my Madoka thoughts.
Imagine how more I could yap if I read the wraith arc. (It’s truly laughable how I’ve read all of arc 1 and the other story with it, most of arc 2 (I skimmed early bits so I could catch up faster, then end of arc 2 was happening and I wanted to be a cool kid and read it asap) quite a few events, and the early chapters of scene 0 (now behind lol) BUT NOT the wraith arc. And I know I could pull it up so easily lol. Hell I read the event where ui went back in time to see fart but not the wraith arc I- I read Christmas strings but i wont take my lazy butt to read manga of my fave series within like kind of main timeline. Like i know i dont need to read but I need to read it. cause having a better understanding of Ultimate Madoka's universe and how wraiths work would be cool. and maybe one of these days ill read another story but idk... Think id rather read tart or Oriko first lol
but yeah i've got to stop myself of this post will never end. I'll prpbably re-read it tomorrow and add edits lol
ALSO one last thought this is a theory I could be Super fucking wrong about everything. Like maybe sayaka looking like that cause of her secretary powers and not homura's universe rewriting at play? like there's so much i don't know haha
and again my theory could fall apart with like new info i didn't know about. there's a lot of content madoka content out there ya know
9 notes · View notes
ren-lui · 24 days
Text
Tumblr media
2 notes · View notes
nomairuins · 2 months
Text
i just fucking hate having ptsd all of it. so many stupid fucking things send me into fucking hysterics it sucks and i hate it and i dont want itttt anymore i dont want it.
#i literally like. i didnt tell u guys bc it was embarassing#but i had to hype myself up to eat a fucking orange the other day. like i was shaking and crying and i nearly threw up.#bc it fucking reminded me of All that and also bc its one of the only foods i got to eat outside ofm my one meal a day#while i was living there. bc my coworker gave me oranges sometimes#and one time she gave me a whole bag of cuties which was wonderful of her i miss her#but i pretty much like. bc during m-f i had a meal at work#and i could get something from the vending machine if i needed to#but on the weekends i had to either order food (which would always make me insanely nauseous bc of. the money stuff. yk) or just eat#what i had in my room bc i couldnt use the kitchen bc the roommates would be mad at me#and they might kick me out and id be actually fucked. its so crazy looking back that i genuinely the entire time i fucking lived there even#b4 the breakup the entire time i was in terror that theyd evict me. bc i wouldnt have been able to do anything abt it#i mean thats why i didnt like. leave him after he . and stuff. both bc i thought i didnt deserve anything better and bc i was terrified#theyd evict me and i wouldnt have any way to get home. it was terrifying#but ya. so for a couple weeks i rationed myself One orange per day lol. and on weekends that was all i was able to eat rly#idk. i hate ptsd. basicalllyyyy is the gist of ittt. and i keep thinking abt random fucking things they did to me#me when they jokingly tell me to starve myself when i literally have a fucking eating disorder. and when i told The Only Person i knew in#that fucking house abt it he told me i was being dramatic and i was just being greedy and etc. and then later when i got off work today i#saw on their fucking whiteboard in the kitchen i wasnt supposed to use Eat more <3 as one of their goals. while i went to sit in the garage#for the weekend eating a single fucking orange a day. god#idk. ive gotten better with eating i still have the scale but i ws able to go months without using it until the medical call the other week#and i havent used it since but. everytime i think abt all that itmakes me want to go back to it. i cant tho everyone would notice#i do still eat a wholee lot less than i did b4 washington but idk. idont remember if i even ate today i probably should but i dont feel#hungry but i cant even fucking trust that bc i Starved myself for so fucking long im too good at ignoring hunger. and i never was super in#touch with my body but im constantly numb now. idk.#ed ment#a2t#i ws gonna say more but it ws tmi + tag limit anyway. its just insane that my fucking ed wouldnt have happened if it werent for him and it#graduated i wouldnt have been isolatedinever wouldve had an ed. like 50% of my ptsd would be Gone if i just hadnt joined that discord. lol
3 notes · View notes
bunnihearted · 3 months
Text
🍓
#for how long am i gonna wake up.. and have my first thought be him#and then wish that when i look at my phone i will have messages waiting from him#where he said gm and told me abt his day like i had every day for a while..#and then suddenly get anxiety pain in my whole chest and stomach#bc i know i dont have any messages from him. and that we dont really talk anymore#and now idek if he would want to keep message me every once in a while#am i gonna keep living off of the high from one message from him now and then?#like idk :((( it's just so painful#and it does hurt more now bc... for a long time i still hade hope that like ofc we will talk!!!!! when he's ready to talk#we will talk abt everything and it will all be fine ^-^ i really really had trust and belief in that#like i genuinely thought that would happen. bc to /me/ this is the most real and strong thing i've had#which truly i understand is also naive and unwordly of me and also im very intense and emotional abt things#so truly i cannot get mad abt it only have been the one thing to want and to wanna fight for#bc yeah.. ig it just stings a lot more than just a crush bc to me.. like i sound so silly and naive but i should just vent#bc like yeah... i dont have any friends to talk to or a therapist or anything and i need to talk T-T#it's embarrassing but to me i really felt like i had found my person.. the person who i wanted to be the closest to in the world..#felt the kind of love where i would do anything and fight for it to even have a chance.. and yeah..#ig i was very naive to have the 'certainty' that .. i was just waiting and being patient and giving him space. maybe that wasnt actually#what he needed. but w my avpd i didnt know how to be pushy or.. like how to be enough pushy like he would need#without being too intense to push him too far away from me. bc im intense.. so i know that even if he's right for me#im not right for him bc i could not give him what he needs.. :(((#but yeah.. everyday i wake up w so much sadness bc i know i wont get to talk to him all day#and now the sadness is coupled with intense dread and anxiety#bc honestly i have no idea if he'll ever reply to me again or how much we will talk if we even will at all.#and the thought of life without him and not even have him in it even a little makes me wanna die lol#idk.. idk... bc i wont get to have what i want.. which is to simply be with him. but yeah idk... idk#it pains me sm that ... we never did talk to find out whatever was between us. and regardless of intent on his behalf that does make me fee#*i* am the one who valued and cared abt our 'bond' more than he did... but it is what it is it is what it is#it just hurts... bc i found someone i both thought and wanted it to be real with. but... i never even got a chance to try or talk abt it#which also is life.. if he found someone (twice) that he did like enough to want to try with but not with me.. that's just how he felt..
3 notes · View notes
autophobiacomic · 1 year
Text
Am I doing something wrong, or did tumblr really remove endless scrolling for the "following" tab
17 notes · View notes
girl-bateman · 4 months
Text
No positive notes for today. I think my left eye got fucked up from crying too much bc it's bleeding. Tomorrow I vow to shower.
4 notes · View notes
krispiecake · 1 year
Text
i hope that everyone is aware that i am trying SO HARD to be normal but the universe is TESTING ME.
#i am trying ao hard not to fall back into old habits rn but jesus CHRIST brooooooooo#i havent been able to get barely any time with the staff i need for the past two days and now#theyre like 40mins late with my meds bc of another tenant#and its not even like theyre WITH the other tenant rn btw there are two members of staff sat in the office just talking#and its like bro. BROOOOOOOO#like they know this shit is SO triggering and i know they cant help some stuff but i still feel like i should be able to get my meds on time#if they arent actively with another tenant#its such a small thing but it helps my brain remember that actually they do still care abt me lol#all ive wanted to do since like wednesday was just watch a movie with my fp now that we’re cool again#and i was waiting in the lounge for like an hour and no one even came in#and its not like we planned anything so im not mad or whatever im just frustrated that#i had a rlly shit night last night and a pretty shit day today#and there just isnt anyone around to talk to bc theyre all dealing with someone else#or not even just sat around talking or whatever#idk this shit makes me wanna punch things burn everything to the ground and then kill myself if im being totally honest rn#and like last night and this isnt my therapists fault or anything but ahe wasnt able to pick up#and i managed to get thru it but it just added to the feeling like no one gave a shit#and its past nine again so she probs wouldnt be able to pick up now even tho i kinda need help again#idk this shit just. its so fucking triggering and i feel insane and so tightly wound#and ive been putting so much effort into my stupid therapy and i just wanna let go and have a full on meltdown again#i wanna take a bunch of pills and scream and cry and throw things and argue and just LET GO#cuz i feel like thats my ‘true nature’ and everything else is just me faking#or masking#AND IM SO FUCKING SICK OF IT ITS SO MUCH EFFORT AND I FEEL LIKE IM GETTING NOTHING BACK
13 notes · View notes
Photo
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
i didn’t get to do my yearly valentine’s tradition last year, breaking a what would-be 5 year streak now, so i had to make up for my sins and at least get some out this year
learned abt the concept of mean & bitter vinegar valentines in one of my classes, so i took the chance to roast these bitches lmaoooo
11 notes · View notes
todayisafridaynight · 10 months
Note
I genuinely can never thank you enough for the past year. I can't express how much it's meant to me to be understood and have my energy reciprocated with someone on the same wavelength. Although I've been in the fandom for quite a bit longer than most people writing in, and longer than you, even, I can't remember the last time I felt this welcome and motivated. A TRULY embarrassing amount of my work's just been fueled by "oh Snap's gonna wanna see that," and of course that circle's expanded since then, but it probably wouldn't have had I not met stream chat through you, aaaaaand if I'm honest you're still up there... lol...
It's always, always a highlight of my day to see your your work, your posts, and your responses, whether they're to me or to others, and it's always a highlight of my week to be able to make it to streams! You're a huge inspiration for me, particularly in terms of your work ethic across the board. I always come out of streams energized and feeling like I can actually finish things, and usually this is hubris, but it's gotta count for something.
Not to be dramatic, but you kinda changed my life, no exaggeration. I still really can't see myself the way I was two or three years ago not just calling it quits after some of my Gaiden experiences... lol... but I'm still around, and like always, I wanna be able to write in and interact as much as I used to sometime soon. Thanks for everything! I hope RGGS continues to deliver so we can stay in touch :3
i cant thank YOOOOU enough for the past Xsome months or so. feelins ABSOLUTELY mutual in that i wasnt sure anyone else would really be into talkin bout rgg as you and i have (or would be willing to read my. miles-long scrolls of bullshit LMAO) so it's been real fun gettin to know you an everyone and chattin !!
most bafflin thin to ever to think i have good work ethic, i feel like ive been behind everyone for the past couple weeks and even with the things i do make it's really not up to snuff. it's always nice to hear that's not supposedly exactly the case :) I Suppose :^)
rgg community (like any community lbr) can be. An Experience, esp for someone with a position like yours. so im glad i can make it worth to hang around somewhat LOL
regardless, i always look forward to you next ask or the next time you leave tags on a post i make. if i ever bother making a post again ☠️☠️
#fave#snap chats#I DID SIT ON THIS ALL DAY OOPS#i got a bit busy with some stuff...... also i always try my best to write a sufficient response cause ill feel bad if i dont </3#mad funny youre stoked for me to see stuff And I Am Always Stoked To See Stuff cause i got a similar sentiment towards you#i mean i TRYYYY not to get too in my head bout it since then i get paranoid but i always do hope on the downlow like#'ah man. hope this is funny. hope masu likes it. hope im shot for this one' VERY NORMAL things to want :)#so funny tho. funny timin of this ask i feel like ive been disappointin people an particularly yous#which 'snap that doesnt make sense please be happy with yourself for three seconds' which. NO?? no. impossible#but i do get worried im disappointing or being too annoying or yk. just being a pest or not being adequate#so it's fun/ny gettin this ask today all that considered LOL#I MEAN I KNOW EVERYONE BEEN NICE THE PAST DAY OR SO YK SO NO REASON TO THINK IT#i cant avoid thinkin a it... my number one bully is myself he Will Not leave me alone no matter how hard i try to complain to the board#the board also bein myself. i cant excommunicate myself from myself--#REGARDLESS. very cool that i give you motivation :) esp after streams :)#every time i finish a stream i feel like i made an ass out of myself. ALWAYS HAVE FUN. but i feel at the cost of bein obnoxious#tho i guess theres no point stayin round if i was. lest its like Last Resort kinda deal then TRULY i am sorry im The Last Resort#ILL STOP WHINING FOR FIVE SECONDS TO SAY thank you :) for everythin :) both just chattin with me an all the work you do for the community#it truly is a lot and indescribable and its very cool i have someone like that who likes what i do. you do be the beyonce in walmart to me#to reference that post i rb'd last night LOL its still hard for me to understand but ig i dont have to understand it#i think i mentioned this before but i remember when id draw for persona (cringe ik) id mostly draw adachi (this is relevant Trust)#and this one mate one day was just 'snap its really nice how much. love you bring to the adachi community'#which is a hilarious thing to say since adachi sucks but POINT IS im glad i. i THINK im kinda doing the same thing now still#thats the consensus ive gotten the past couple asks.. lol.. its nice bringin people together and havin a fun and welcomin space :)#ILL WRAP IT UP HERE THO before i make people throw up. i kept this ask hoarded long nuff.. ill just hoard it in my chest cavity instead#once more thank you forever and always :) when we inevitability branch off to other things i'll always treasure all you've done for me
5 notes · View notes
whomturgled · 11 months
Text
:^(
#feelin like a big lonely loser tonight teehe ^__^#thought maybe i had plans but then not n everyone else i asked didnt answer or had plans w other ppl too#n i had suggested a plans with stef but she never rlly confirmed or denied but i figured not plus im kinda sick now too but#also called her just to be like hi n i miss u bc idk im SICK n i hate being sick n the way she sounded was weird AaagghGGHHHHH#n im just now realizing maybe she also ended up doing plans w other ppl#just feels like nobody likes me i GUESS which is dramatic but . aagggghhghgh#to be fair a bit of a 180 from i love u so much lemme say it 50 times last night to i call her n say ilu n shes like uhh ok haha#anD I FEEL LIKE EVERYONES GIVING ME RLLY SHORT ANSWERS N LIKE#but i dont know if i have the energy to give a lot of. energy. ?? to expect it back? but its like#an endless cycle of feel bad so less energy or want to bug less so then deserve less in return anyway so feel worse#its kinda feeling like isolation time which i havent done in a hot minute but i tried so hard to get out of it but like . for what yknow#i got to talk to some ppl some more n meet some ppl but at the end of the day i still feel alone n alien teehee#but maybe im just bejng dramatic bc sick. and rsd with the Tones and ppl having Plans With Others#like its perfectly reasonable to have forgotten or just idk had better options or maybe bc i didnt say anything sooner buT . IDK. 😔🥺#im sick n i hate being sick n i want someone to take care of me ugh#instead i just kinda sat here. played some OW. got mad at OW. ordered pizza to engage in basically food self harm LOL n watched some#of a show ive been meanjng to watch. jts neat so far. but yeah now i just feel like shit i guess#idk how to like. not be insane. or like. ask ppl for like. idk. reassurance or smthn or. share feelings. without feeling like i am.... bad#for doing so or itll end poorly or its excess or burdensome or unreasonable. bc it kkinda is unreasonable but idk not entirely ig yknow#and i really need to shower but i especially dont want to now that i ate food bc id rather die than look at myself naked but yea#YEAH. IDK. i feel. like shit. and garbage. and i can almost see this as being the turning point to me sabotaging my ownnpotential future#whatever ive been slowly building that i just. end up giving up now.#god i wanna call stef or pidge or someone n... ig not even talk abt this bc i dont wanna be a bother but. just hear ppl. u_u#feel like i am wanted in the world slepflsjhggbjwjr#It's My Blog I'll Use It As A Diary / Thought Organizing Thing If I Want To !!!!
2 notes · View notes
kimmkitsuragi · 11 months
Text
"if i finish this i will watch a horror movie" thing kinda backfired it's 9pm lmao
#will i still do it. yes. probably.#it would probably be more fun in the night too so yeah#but god fucking damn it can i please just finish this thing#i cant even be properly mad at myself because ive been Actually Working in these last days lol#at last!!!#it feels like i can actually finish the whole thing next week :')#i started this at the beginning of September goddddddddd 😭😭#if i took it more seriously from the start it would've been done by now lol#but i guess at least im making progress#i am kinda getting nervous thinking abt deadlines and actually applying even tho i still have like a month for one school#and 2+ months for others lol#there's one in italy that's earlier than that but not sure if i wanna go for that one tbh so........ idk#but since it's wayy cheaper and i dont have many cheap options and i fear the same thing (aka not being able to go bc#of money) will happen again this year lol#so yeah just. not sure in general.#if i think too much about any of this i start to question everything anyway lmao so i shouldnt <3#i gotta visit my old uni to talk abt some letters too which i Know for a fact they would write#but it's so nerve wracking to think about butttt i gotta do it this week/early next week so.....#(this week means actually the next week in this case i guess lmao since it's friday rn)#bc they said 2 weeks notice sooooo im guessing that would be okay but u knowwwwwww ugh#okay. my goal is to just do this thing today#then finish the whole project tomorrow#then do the other readjustments for the other projects in a few days hopefully#then go to school#yeah. doable. perfectly doable#i gotta arrange the (redacted) and (redacted) meetings too lol buttttt yeah#🗒#wow i didnt intend to write this much tbh anyway
2 notes · View notes
pepprs · 2 years
Text
idk how to reconcile my new self with my old self. also i fucking hate waiting. GRAGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
#delete later#im getting a taste of my own medicine bc when im overwhelmed depressed etc i don’t even open emails or dms or whatever and then ifeel guilty#and let them build up and run away from them and literally do not reply for years. but ive been waiting for like 5 different but related#replies for 3ish days at this point and im soooooo impatient omg i want to bash my head into the wall.. and afaik no one i messaged has#opened the message despite being active online elsewhere which is EXACTLY what i do so i have no right to complain at all. but still. omggg#i just have a simple question (me and the ps5 voice) reply to my message boy#purrs#also.. ok yeah im gonna be honest about it even if there are consequences lol. idk why im on such a mission to get back all my old#characters but if i don’t i can and will go crazy. i don’t even do that kind of thing anymore and d*viantart is an irreversibly warped#landscape due in part to capitalism and in part to own mistakes and selfish actions. and i truly feel like my tumblr mutuals are the only#ones who understand me and feel safe and cozy on here. but i miss my old internet home. and i really miss my old internet friends and seeing#all the jokes we had and how we were all like interconnected w the same adopt groups and stuff and now we don’t even talk… it makes me so#sad and i feel weird messaging them just for the purpose of asking if they can give me back characters i gave them 4 years ago like a) you j#just don’t do that kind of thing i don’t think but b) it feels so transactional and would make the part of saying hey our friendship was#important to me when i was a teenager and even though we don’t talk anymore i think of you fondly and wish you well. like lollllll. and i#feel cringe even tracking them down / messaging them bc we are all jn our 20s now… embarrassing. but i am so mad at myself for letting those#friendships wither (not that i have the spoons to sustain them these days anyway but still) and for not keeping bettr track of my characters#when i sold them and for giving them up in the first place and for letting my old internet life just fall apart due to neglect bc it puts me#in a bind to try to piece it together again no matter how i try it and i shouldn’t try anyway. but i am so tempted to rn. lol#* itd make saying stuff abt appreciating friendship weird bc there’s a transaction tied in (source: i did this and feel weird and bad)#like the way i want to SCREAM seeing that dA ate all of the journals i made when i was a 14 year old and turned them into glitched polls. th#the way the wayback machine has terrible unreliable records of everything and i can never get some stuff back / track some stuff down. pain#anyways it’s stupid bc i feel cozy and listened to and as connected as i have the energy to be to all of u guys so why am i doing this. but#i miss the dA stuff too and i wish it wasn’t cringe and i wish i could have everything that’s ever been part of me all in one place. lol#also this doesn’t even take into account my poetry community on dA on my other account who i also felt so safe and cozy with and i abandoned#that too and lost touch with basically everyone even though we all knew each others deepest secrets for years.. the heartsickness of it all#anyways mutuals who knew me on deviantart i am clutching both your hands with impassioned urgency and kissing u on the cheeks. that’s all
13 notes · View notes