#it's almost a metaphor for his perception of life

[lynzishell]

✨Atlas Stephens - Character Sheet✨

TYSM for the tag @onestormeynight This was so fun! 🫶🏻

Personal

Financial: wealthy / moderate / poor / in poverty

Medical: fit / moderate / sickly / disabled / disadvantaged / non applicable

Class or Caste: upper/ middle / working / unsure / other

Education: qualified [computer science degree from Foxbury Institute] / unqualified / studying / other

Criminal Record: yes, for major crimes / yes, for minor crimes / no / has committed crimes, but not caught yet [I mean technically ig, but nothing serious, just some illegal substances at clubs n stuff like that] / yes, but charges were dismissed

Family

Children: had a child or children / has no children [but he's the best uncle there ever was] / wants children

Relationship with Family: close with sibling(s) / not close with sibling(s) / has no siblings/ sibling(s) is deceased

Affiliation: orphaned / adopted / disowned / raised by birth parent / not applicable

Traits and Tendencies

extroverted / introverted / in between

disorganized / organized / in between

close minded / open-minded / in between

calm / anxious / in between

disagreeable / agreeable / in between

cautious/ reckless / in between

patient / impatient / in between

outspoken / reserved / in between

leader / follower / in between

empathetic / vicious bastard / in between

optimistic / pessimistic / in between

traditional / modern / in between

hard-working / lazy / in between

cultured / uncultured / in between / unknown

loyal / disloyal / unknown

faithful / unfaithful / unknown

Beliefs

Faith: monotheist / polytheist / atheist / agnostic

Belief in Ghosts or Spirits: yes / no / don’t know / don’t care

Belief in an Afterlife: yes / no / don’t know / don’t care

Belief in Reincarnation: yes / no / don’t know / don’t care

Belief in Aliens: yes / no / don’t know / don’t care

Religious: orthodox / liberal / in between / not religious [let's just say his past destroyed any chance of that]

Philosophical: yes / no

Sexuality and Romantic Inclination

Sexuality: heterosexual / homosexual / bisexual / asexual / pansexual

Sex: sex repulsed / sex neutral / sex favorable / naive and clueless

Romance: romance repulsed / romance neutral / romance favorable / naïve and clueless / romance suspicious

Sexually: adventurous / experienced / naive / inexperienced / curious

Potential Sexual Partners: male / female / agender / other / none / all

Potential Romantic Partners: male / female / agender / other / none / all

Abilities

Combat Skills: excellent / good / moderate / poor / none

Literacy Skills: excellent/ good / moderate / poor / none

Artistic Skills: excellent / good/ moderate / poor / none

Technical Skills: excellent / good / moderate / poor/ none

Habits

Drinking Alcohol: never / special occasions / sometimes / frequently / alcoholic

Smoking: tried it / trying to quit / quit / never / rarely / sometimes / frequently / Chain-smoker

Recreational Drugs: never / quit / special occasions / sometimes / frequently / addict

Medicinal Drugs: never / no longer needs medication / some medication needed / frequently / to excess

Unhealthy Food: never [he's just really not a fan of sweets and stuff tbh] / special occasions / sometimes / frequently / binge eater

Splurge Spending: never / sometimes / frequently / shopaholic

Gambling: never / rarely / sometimes / frequently / compulsive gambler

I have no idea who to tag cos I haven't been around as much lately and I don't know who's already done this... so yeah... if you wanna do it, then do it and say I tagged you... and then like, tag me back cos I kinda wanna do this for Ash too... so, really, you'd be doing me a favor 😉🤭💖

[tokoyamisstuff]

In your opinion who is the worst yandere to be stuck with and why Alucard, Captain, Enrico, Alexander and Walter, jan.

A/N: Keep asking, my child is sick and I'm nap-trapped for hours a day. 😂 Written on my phone so pls bear with me. Also, I don't feel comfortable writing about Jan. Sorry. 🫶

Sorted from best to worst.

⚠️ Dead Dove - Do Not Eat. ⚠️

5. Alexander Anderson

"Your desire will be for your husband, and he will rule over you." (Genesis 3:16)

As long as you play along, you have nothing to fear.

Just like with the orphans, Anderson is very gentle to those he is fond of. So he'll provide you with a domestic life, even though prisoned and heavily supervised.

Either himself or his trusted members of Iscariot always have an eye on you, making it basically impossible to even think of getting away.

The priest has some very strict demands about how you as his partner should act. Would never touch you against his will, though. He'd be fine with keeping his celibate as long as you're with him.

While controlling his bloodlust exceptionally well, he'll definetly let it out on others shall you misbehave. Preferably people close to you, claiming they're bad influence.

Better never mention you miss anyone from your old life, since he gets jealous very easily and with his kind of power he can make them disappear at a whim.

Other than that, Anderson really just wants you to be at his side and, in his wicked perception, protect you from this dangerous world.

4. Enrico Maxwell

"Don't be so fucking ungrateful. You were a nobody, and yet I treated you like a goddess!"

With Maxwell you'll feel like a bird in a golden cage.

He has a constant need to prove his worth, and overcompensates his lack at understanding true human connection with what he mistakes for care. So he'll shower you in gifts and other pleasantries, and takes it very personally when you don't properly appreciate his efforts in his eyes.

Also gets easily offended when you don't reciprocate his advances, especially when you deny him physically. But even smaller, more insignificant gestures he will over-analyze in his fear of rejection.

On the other hand I can see him being very subsceptible for flattery and the likes, so you can use his insecurities against him. Inflate his ego with sweettalk or whatever's necessary to keep him pleased.

The worst part is that he literally thinks you owe him affection.

3. Alucard

"Shh...it's over now. You endured so well, my love. As always."

Alucard is very confident to keep you at his side due to the sheer amount of might he possesses. So with him you get a lot of freedom, at least metaphorically. You can roam around a lot, talk to other people, almost act like you have a normal life.

He would never force himself on you due to his own experience with SA, but he won't be able to keep himself from taking your blood on the regulary. It's simply addicting to the vampire, and sometimes he goes overboard and leaves you anemic. A few times he almost killed you while indulging in the taste of your essence.

Being the abomination he is, he craves being accepted nonetheless, no matter what side of himself he presents you. He'll entertain himself by unleashing undescribable horrors just to cradle you in his arms shortly after, never actually physically but rather emotionally scarring you. After a while, sleep seems like an impossible task.

He is very well aware of the absurdity of his actions, but cannot seem to stop himself.

2. The Captain

This man is clouded in mystery, so I can see this go two very different ways: Either you're his sole sweet sanctuary from this cruel existence, or a moral support for the last remnant of his humanity.

While he is calm on the outside, still waters run deep. His love is a two-edged sword that will eventually end in your demise. The curse of immortality made him insane and nihilistic, and most of the time it's a walk on eggshells with him really.

In general the Captain is rather soft, but he doesn't see you as a person. You're like a doll, a toy to do however he pleases with, until he gets bored and throws you away...or you break. Whatever happens first.

Also, the man is part of Millenium. Most probably wouldn't dare messing with you, but the possibility of getting abused by the organization isn't completely off limits, for example if it's an order from the higher-ups.

Especially full moons are terrifying, making him even more violent and unpredictable.

1. Walter C Dornez

"If I can't have you, I'll make sure no one ever will."

The weakest yet most violent and unhinged of them all.

Stops at nothing to make you obedient, can rob you of your free will with little to no effort. It will start harmless with ruining your reputation, but ends up at extreme kinds of torture, like withdrawal of food or mutiliation to make you less appealing to others.

His paranoia is dangerous for you even when you did nothing wrong, there is no way you won't be punished one way or another. Being with him is merely a mixture of dread and immeasurable pain.

Nothing you ever do is good enough for him, because it's not genuine. That contradiction is driving him crazy, and will hopefully end your misery at some point.

[vaperarmand]

it's iwtv fanfic friday and everyone's getting involved

some recs from all corners of the vampolycule <3

someone buy me roses by indigostohelit lestat/louis, e, 3.2k words

Lestat's frown deepens. “My God, Louis!” he says. “I am not some petty voyeur. My motives are noble. My heart is unselfish. Frankly this is an act of chivalry. Please take off your pants.”

(one thing about me is i go crazy for a religious metaphor. also louis is sooooo catholic in this. it's awesome)

it's been a long, hard twenty year summer vacation by moonieangel aka @loumandivorce louis/armand, e, 7k words

"Let me," Armand said. Louis looked down at him, uncertain, but his pupils were already dilated until the rings of green fire were almost invisible in his eyes. "I haven't been able to drink anything properly, recently," he said, as Armand knew he would say. "And?" Louis' jaw clicked shut. He looked affronted, almost embarrassed, and Armand was strangely delighted at the sight. "You're going to get off on sucking a soft cock?" he asked in disbelief. (Armand and Louis travel.)

(*aggressive tiktok influencer voice* if you haven't read this yet literally what are you even doing with your life. this is such a defining loumand fic for me it's crazy. it's like their true essence on paper. what loumand is like at home. it's so good. sooooo good)

He's Piano; You're Not Forte by Galadriel armand/daniel + armand/lestat, m, 4.2k words

The Vampire Lestat's album has just dropped, and it's causing discord in the Armand-Molloy household.

(armand is SOOOOOOO good in this. i love you obsessive armand. it's been too long since i've reread this one. going to do that now actually)

two-headed mother by tisiphones armand/lestat, e, 8.7k words

"Poor darling," Armand says, and the condescension in his voice is so awful and so offensive and Lestat wants to curl up in it and never, ever leave. "It's okay to let yourself be taken care of for just one night. You can't help what you need." --- It's Lestat's last night in Paris. Armand makes it a memorable one.

(yeah. this one's just. yeah. fellas is it gay to do a roleplay where your boyfriend pretends to be your mommy. probably not gay but it's definitely something)

every few centuries, somebody reinvents the coven by katplanet armand/daniel/louis/lestat, e, 20.5k words

Daniel asks Louis if he's sure when he first suggests it. He asks him again a few days later, to see if he's changed his mind. He makes a psychic collect call to Lestat, of all people, and asks if he's sure. Asks Armand if he's sure when he accepts the invitation, when they're packing, when they're on the way to the airport. When they're walking up to arrivals, Armand’s grip crushing Daniel's fingers, Louis smiling at the back of the crowd with his hands in his pockets, casual as anything, like they do this every day. They're all sure and sure and sure, so Daniel lets Louis pull him in with one arm, Armand with the other, and hug them both while a planeful of tired New Yorkers filters out around them into the muggy bayou dark.

(look okay i know this fic is mostly smut and all but it literally made me cry multiple times. it changed my worldview. it made me see colors previously not experienced by the human perception. it's everything to me. if you haven't read it just like. please please do.)

[morganeactually]

Pet Shop Boys' Impact on Queer Culture

Pet Shop Boys, the synth pop pioneer duo consisting of Neil Tennant and Chris Lowe, have long been acclaimed for their contributions to queer culture through their music. They are considered icons within the queer community since their songs often contain subtle and clear references to LGBTQ+ themes.

As a big fan of Pet Shop Boys (indeed, my pseudonym is an allusion to one of my favorite albums of them named Actually), I would like to introduce you to them by tackling this fundamental aspect of their musical identity.

Let's start with "It's a sin" and "The Sodom and Gomorrah Show", two songs that address queerness and criticize the role of religion in perpetuating homophobia.

"It's a sin" is a critique of Neil Tennant's Catholic education. It tells a real-life story based on his personal experience of queerness in a Catholic family. So, the question of authenticity is beyond doubt. The song uses religious imagery, denouncing how the church's teachings made him feel guilty and ashamed of his desires. The lyrics mirror his internal conflict between faith and sexuality : respecting his religious beliefs means betraying one's true self. They also suggest that anything pleasurable, including queerness, is labelled as sinful. The stuttering effect in the chorus in "It's a, it's a, it's a, it's a sin" amplifies through the repetitive, almost hesitant delivery, the inner struggles faced by the victims of religious condemnation for their identity. This stylistic choice reinforces the impression of a speaker being trapped in a loop of guilt and confession imposed by societal norms. In the music video directed by Derek Jarman, the characters engaging in rebellious acts against religious constraints such as tearing pages of the Bible and smashing religious statues illustrate Neil Tennant's response to stay true to himself, no matter what the church's teachings say.

"Father, forgive me I tried not to do it Turned over a new leaf Then tore right through it Whatever You taught me I didn't believe it Father, You fought me 'Cause I didn't care And I still don't understand"

The bridge highlights the pressure to resist actions deemed sinful by religious beliefs. It epitomizes, through the apostrophe to God and the metaphor of “a new leaf”, the cycle of sin and repentance Neil Tennant and many queer people are subjected to. By asking God for forgiveness, Pet Shop Boys deliver a poignant commentary on how religious teachings can induce shame and remorse, even when all they do is trying to accept the parts of their true identity.

"The Sodom and Gomorrah Show" takes a more satirical approach to critique how society often demonize and sensationalize queer lives turning them into spectacles. Indeed, the introduction describes a fictional show whose promise of "Sun, sex, sin, divine intervention", "Death and destruction" is repeated throughout the song. Presenting the story as a show insists on the absurdity of such moral condemnation. The theatrical atmosphere is used to mock how religious institutions portray queerness. The title itself refers to the biblical cities of Sodom and Gomorrah which are often mentioned in religious texts to condemn homosexuality. Hence, Pet Shop Boys defie traditional interpretations and utilize them to oppose homophobic attitudes. The lyrics underscore the importance of embracing one's true self, even if it goes against religious and societal norms, to live a fulfilling life. The message they convey is to embrace and celebrate queer identity.

Both songs challenge the negative perceptions and moral judgments on queer individuals and encourage defiance against oppressive religious narrative.

Moreover, Pet Shop Boys incorporate disco elements into their music like high-energy disco sounds, lush orchestration, celebratory lyrics, pulsing beat, and danceable, upbeat feel. Their songs "New York City Boy", "Domino Dancing" and "Always on My Mind/In My House" are perfect examples of that. The synth pop duo pays homage to disco which was historically associated with the LGBTQ+ community and alligns with its values : freedom, self-expression and rebellion against societal norms. Their use of disco music highlights their identity as artists who proudly advocate LGBTQ+ rights while making timeless pop music.

Pet Shop Boys' collaborations with queer artists show their commitment to support and celebrate them. Neil Tennant and Chris Lowe teamed up with Dusty Springfield for the hit "What Have I Done to Deserve This?", produced Boy George's song "Crying Game" and have songs featuring Elton John ("Alone Again, Naturally", "Believe / Song for Guy" and "In Private"). In 1996, they also remixed David Bowie's track "Hallo Spaceboy" adding their own disco flair and additional lyrics. The result pleased Bowie a lot, so that he invited them to perform live with him at the BRIT Awards. In their lattest album Nonetheless, "Dancing Star" is even inspired by the queer ballet legend Rudolf Nureyev.

[nightcolorz]

if u are comfortable with this topic, do u have any thoughts about (tw: marius) how armand would think about what happened with marius in his early life? would he eventually think of it as csa or would he be uncomfortable thinking of it (or himself) in that way. in canon it seems he thinks of it as a “positive” contrast to his assault by slavers. but at the same time he describes being very helpless and not even totally understanding what is happening at first. and the conflict over marius denying him the chance at a normal life and isolating him from humanity could almost be a metaphor for grooming and abuse.

hi anon!!! I’m happy to talk about this 🙏 amazing question. Tw sa and csa talk, obvs.

While I like the idea of Armand being able to process his relationship with Marius as traumatic, I’m not sure if he could ever rlly reach that point (at least book-wise). Armand has a warped perception of the type of dignity/autonomy/right to feel comfortable, safe, etc that he is entitled to as a person. He was so deprived of that type of basic respect in childhood + his whole life that he isn’t able to rlly conceptualize being deprived of these things as “wrong”. He has internalized himself as sort of an inherently lesser commodity that will always be used for other’s gain. And so with this in mind he has a sort of “beggars can’t be choosers” view of kindness and love. So with Marius, I don’t think he registers the sexual abuse as bad since he was non consenting bcus he doesn’t understand bodily autonomy as smth he’s entitled to or something he expects to have. Also, since Armand sees Marius as so good, loving, merciful, etc, he can’t rlly wrap his head around him being abusive. Armand thinks of Marius as his loving father + the love of his life who saved him from human trafficking and took him under his wing, and I think bcus of how highly he regards these actions, any abuse he’s put through is thought of as an acceptable exchange for everything he has been gifted.

Bcus of how Armand doesn’t see Marius having sex with him as a child as abusive, u can see he has this disconnect as an adult when interacting with Marius where he feels the affects of the abuse but doesn’t understand why they are there. In the vampire Armand he recognizes that he is uncomfortable around Marius and hesitant to trust him or interact with him, but he doesn’t know why he feels this way, and seems to consider it an irrational reaction he should get past. I think Armand definitely knows to an extent that Marius mistreated him (tho I don’t think he considers their sexual relationship part of this), but I think he doesn’t feel any real resentment or conscious grief over this resentment, again bcus he never felt that he was entitled to being treated well in the first place.

Marius is more aware of how he has wronged Armand then Armand is 😭 and I think if they were to discuss this Armand would find it unsettling or even angering. Armand definitely grieves being deprived of his humanity, but he I think sees it more as a tragic inevitability than a fault of Marius’s, while Marius definitely sees it as his fault. If Marius were to apologize to Armand for turning him so young I think Armand would get rlly upset, partly bcus he would find the implication that Marius regrets keeping him alive super offensive and devastating, and partly bcus he would find the explicit acknowledgment that his gracious caregiver did not have his best interest at heart and acted in ways he knew were selfish and would harm Armand, earth shattering. It’s more comfortable for Armand to believe that he wasn’t being abused by the one person he believes ever cared for him, then to recognize that so many of his issues were willfully caused by him.

I think that by post canon Armand would definitely be aware that by modern standards of morality and law his relationship with Marius as a child would be seen as predatory and sexually abusive, but I don’t think this would influence how he perceives it very much. I think he’d be able to reach the place where he recognizes that it is always harmful for children to have sex with adults, but I think he’d continue to see Marius and him as this single expectation to this fact that somehow made it out fine, bcus of time period or vampirism or whatever yada yada. Being sexually abused by Marius contributed heavily to Armand discovering his sexuality and learning how to have relationships, and even tho it was definitely traumatic, I think Armand considers it a necessary trauma that taught and shaped him more then it scarred him. Armand resents Marius for abandoning him after he was kidnapped by the children of darkness, and for depriving him of being his companion (cough cough bcus marius doesn’t respect him or care for him as an equal or individual cough cough), but I don’t think he is able to recognize that the sexual abuse was just as harmful and a part of this behavior.

I also have a feeling that Armand doesn’t want to acknowledge that being sexually abused by Marius was wrong bcus he feels at fault for it (since he enjoyed it and willfully took part in it as he got older), so I imagine bcus of his deep seated religious guilt and shame he sees himself more as an instigator for sexual violence bcus of his “seduction” then a victim of it. Which I definitely relate to! Armand is such a greatly upsetting example of how complex cases of sexual abuse and grooming can be hard to cope with by victims who felt that they enjoyed it, initiated it, etc. Our culture sees sexual abuse as this very straightforward rapist vs victim scenario, when in reality it is often much more complex, often with victims who have positive feelings towards their abusers or felt that they asked for/enjoyed the abuse. Armand has experienced the straightforward blameless type of sexual abuse, and he has experienced the complex kind, and part of his trouble with recognizing that both were abuse comes from how limited the understanding of sa was in his time. I also think that he refuses to acknowledge that his relationship with Marius was sexually abusive bcus he finds it more comforting and empowering to think of it as beneficial then abusive. The reality that Armand was sexually abused for his entire life until he was turned is probably sm more difficult to accept then he was sexually abused in his early life and then rescued from it by Marius.

even tho Armand isn’t able to consciously acknowledge that Marius abused him, that trauma definitely lives in his body and affects him daily. The lesson that Marius taught him by having sex with him the first night he took him home is that for Armand, love is inherently transactional and inherently selfish. Ppl who love u r entitled to use u, being made to feel helpless, scared, hurt, etc by someone who loves u is normal and part of the deal, giving up ur bodily autonomy in a relationship is part of loving, love is pain and sex is meant to hurt you, etc. and all of these internalizations are a major factor in how fucked up all of Armand’s romances r 😭 and how much trouble he has with attachment and keeping up healthy relationships. He sees his relationship with marius as the blueprint 😭💔 Marius was his father, and he is always clinging to these life truths his father taught him in childhood.

I like to imagine it is possible for Armand to heal from this abuse, and to accept that it was abuse, but the reason I hesitate to picture it is bcus of how incredibly difficult it would be for him. To heal, Armand would have to literally rework the foundation his entire worldview, and to reassess his entire sense of self and (already fragile) understanding of his own life and how it’s affected him. Someone needs to get him a good therapist, cuz oh boy, that is not the kind of work anyone, let alone someone like Armand, can do independently.

thank u sm for the ask I loved writing and thinking about this!!!! Anon u r so so sweet to be so considerate towards me, but for further reference I love to and am very comfortable analyzing and talking about Armand’s history of abuse, and anyone is free to send me asks prompting me to go into depth about it. Thank u again anon ❤️❤️

[theunsinkableship1]

DID WE MISS THIS?

⚠️DISCLAIMER: This is LUKOLALAND only. Skip this if you're not a shipper.

This is only my point of view and it is written with the following assumptions: 1 L and A are done or almost done, 2 L and N are endgame. Skip if you don't believe.

No harm intended.

I can’t remember the days when I was just living my own life; they seem so far away now that my thoughts are consumed by Lukola. Every now and then, a random thought pops up, today’s subject is Wordle. And here I am, overanalyzing everything about Lukola.

Nicola wrote this after her noticeable absence from the Emmys after-party: "I came, I presented one, I got too tired to go to the after-party, got into bed, and did the Wordle. Perfect day!"

Sounds interesting!

I was surprised by her absence, but I can understand it. She worked really hard before attending the Emmys, and she was at the pre-party. She might have felt overwhelmed by everything. As an introvert myself, I get that you need to recharge your social battery. Still, it surprised me. It was her biggest night yet, and I’m used to seeing her go all the way. But she’s human, and we all need to rest at some point. And she loves Wordle!

I’m not too familiar with the game, but I remember that she had posted something about it before. Today, I went back to look for it.

Wordle is a daily word game. Every day, the internet is greeted with a fresh word puzzle that can only be solved using a series of process-of-elimination clues. You get six attempts. Green means the letter is correct and in the right spot, and yellow means the letter is correct but in the wrong spot.

Let’s break it down:

Aloud: This could signify that something needs to be brought into the open, spoken out loud, or revealed perhaps Luke’s emotional turmoil or the unresolved feelings between him and Nicola. The fact that this word appeared as the first guess could suggest that Nicola, in this metaphor, already had an intuitive grasp of what was happening perhaps aware of Luke’s feelings for her that hadn't yet been vocalized or fully expressed.

Anvil: With the interpretation that “anvil” means something still being worked on, not fully matured, it could reflect Luke’s state of mind regarding his relationship with A and Nicola. Luke was likely still in the process of emotionally separating from A, and the relationship with Nicola had not yet fully formed, existing in a state of emotional tension, waiting to be shaped. It represents both the emotional weight of Luke’s decisions and the idea that something between Luke and Nicola was being forged but wasn’t yet ready. It’s an acknowledgement of the emotional process Luke was undergoing.

The yellow "L”: The fact that the "L" (Luke’s initial) is yellow further implies that while Luke was part of the equation, he was not yet in the "right place" for Nicola emotionally. It reflects his hesitation, his distance, and the fact that he had not yet made a full commitment or aligned himself with her, as he was still disentangling himself from his relationship with A.

Green "A" and "L" (A and Luke): The fact that A and Luke’s initials are "correct" in the Wordle puzzle could symbolize the public perception that their relationship was still intact or "correct" in the eyes of those watching. However, Nicola may be subtly suggesting that despite appearances, their relationship wasn’t right for Luke emotionally he was in the process of distancing himself from A.

"Solving in two guesses": This could be Nicola’s way of saying she quickly understood the real situation between Luke, A, and herself. It took only "two guesses" for her to see through the dynamics, possibly referencing how fast she came to realize that Luke's relationship with A was in the process of breaking down and that her own bond with Luke was growing stronger, even though it was still unspoken and unresolved.

In this light, Nicola’s Wordle post could be a clever metaphor for the emotional and relational dynamics at play: Luke’s distancing from A ("Anvil"), their unresolved and unspoken connection ("Aloud"), and how despite the appearance of "correct" relationships in public view, there was much more going on beneath the surface. It speaks to the emotional complexity of Luke's situation and Nicola's awareness of it.

In Nicola's point of view, "Wordle" could be a metaphor for how she interprets her relationship with Luke a puzzle she’s constantly trying to solve, where each guess brings her closer to clarity, yet requires careful thought and reflection. Just like in Wordle, she may feel like she’s navigating through uncertainties, making choices based on instinct or incomplete information, hoping for alignment. Each interaction, post, or moment together might represent one of her attempts to get the "right answer," revealing more about her feelings and connection with Luke.

Now I have a few questions for you:

Did Nicola ever mention that she solved a wordle in two guesses?

Was this before or did it start the chaos week?

Could wordle be a metaphor for something /someone during the Emmys?

We know that Nicola has a good game, and she knows that we love to play.

[hazbingirliexoxo]

“The Archer” Angel Dust Analysis

A/n: ALRIGHT YALL❣️ it’s been a hot minute (literally a whole month lol rip☠️) but I have FINALLY written this and am ready to share it with everyone!🤩 So I’m a huge Swiftie and I absolutely love Angel😭💕 so listening to this song: “The Archer” instantly made me think of him. I think the lyrics really highlight how his experiences with love have shaped the complexities of his true feelings and while we still have so much more to discover about his and Husk’s developing relationship in the show, I truly think that this song just “screams” them. If you haven’t listened to the song before, I definitely recommend to!😊 Anyway, lez get into it!😎

Note: For reference, I primarily used this article: https://gwtimes.org/1625/music-books-movies/the-archer-taylor-swift-lyric-analysis/ to organize all of my thoughts and opinions on why this song suits Angel so well. I think this author did an excellent job at explaining the real message of the song in regards to Taylor’s life, but this analysis is solely based on my OWN interpretation of how Angel’s character fits this song. Just wanted to clarify. THANK YOU AND ENJOY!!!❤️❤️❤️

Combat, I’m ready for combat

I say I don’t want that, but what if I do?

Cause cruelty wins in the movies

I’ve got a hundred thrown out speeches I almost said to you

Okay so, with these first few lines, we can think about how much Angel has been through, both in life and death. Like anyone else, he’s made mistakes and fought with many people he’s cared about before, whether that be with his birth family (ex: Arackniss, Molly) or his newfound family/friends he’s made at the hotel later on (ex: Charlie, Husk, Niffty, Sir Pentious, etc). But in terms of his actual familial background, Angel was born and raised in the mafia, meaning he’s used to seeing the indescribable horrors and violence associated with that lifestyle. He has no choice but to conjure up this metaphorical shield of “armor” in order to not only protect himself but also, survive. This ultimately makes it very difficult for Angel to form and develop good, healthy relationships, whether that’d be platonic or romantic, because as much as he craves genuine love and affection, isn’t that going against everything he’s known? To not care about what anyone thinks of him because at the end of the day, everyone leaves regardless? Angel Dust is a perfect example of being conditioned to this toxic, negative mindset he’s built for himself every day and we especially see more of this when it comes to his work with Valentino.

Now Angel is a celebrity, the most famous porn star in all of hell. Of course, due to his natural charisma and good looks, all eyes are drawn to him. He’s expected to essentially “put on a show” and show off what he’s “good for” because who could resist the seductive, charming Angel Dust? But that’s the cruel irony behind it all. Angel’s perception of his pornstar persona overshadows the reality of his true self, which makes it easy for him to push people away and not let anyone see the real him. He’s bred to allow people to chase after him, lust after him, because that’s the embodiment of who Angel Dust is, not who Anthony is. Angel Dust doesn’t care if people “leave” him because he knows that one way or another, there’s always someone else who will appreciate him for his “talents”, who will shower him with the desire and attention he so desperately seeks, despite it being superficial. But Anthony? No one knows who that is nor anyone would care to know who Anthony is in Angel’s mind, so rather than reveal his true thoughts, he decides to remain silent and keep them hidden from the public view as a way to protect himself.

Easy they come, easy they go

I jump from the train, I ride off alone

I never grew up, it’s getting so old

Help me hold on to you

Now, these second set of lyrics go a little more in-depth about Angel’s personal life and relationships. The first line expresses how easily he attracts people and yet still drives them away. The second one, however, can be explored through both a platonic and a romantic perspective. In a platonic lens, Angel struggles with making real, genuine friends (other than Cherri) because he’s afraid no one will be interested to get to know him. The same thing can be said in a romantic point of view. Angel loves to flirt, yes, but with his pornstar persona, he over-amplifies it and makes it seem like he’s “on board” in the beginning, but in the slightest sense of any seriousness or vulnerability, he “jumps off”, going his own way because he knows he’s unable to commit. This third line takes a look into how Angel is associated with being the “black sheep” of his family. Despite his somewhat childish nature, Angel’s always causing trouble and has never been the more focused, responsible type like his older brother: Arackniss. But due to these specific family dynamics, this shows how Angel feels like he’s never taken seriously with his true self. And because of that, he doesn’t understand how to grow and mature enough as a person to handle long-term relationships. The last line here can be portrayed as Angel’s inner thoughts and feelings towards his future love interest in the series: Husk. Angel is so used to giving up and running away from the idea of real love because of his own sexual abuse and trauma from Valentino. But throughout his whole afterlife, Husk is the only good man who respects and values Angel for who he truly is and despite how nice yet unfamiliar that feeling is, Angel’s terrified of losing it. Therefore, these lyrics can imply how he’s pleading for Husk to help him stay grounded and focus on exploring and pursuing this new relationship with him.

I’ve been the archer, I’ve been the prey

Who could ever leave me, darling? But who could stay?

In the chorus, we can start to see the lyrics become even more personified towards Angel’s life. He’s been hurt by so many people, yet he’s also his own worst enemy because he’s done the same thing to those who he cares about too, ultimately straining or damaging the relationships as a whole. He wonders why no one would want to stay in his life, but deep down, he knows that he doesn’t make it easy for people to love him either. So in order to change that, he needs to believe in himself and trust that he can make a positive effort towards becoming better.

Dark side, I search for your dark side

But what if I’m all right, right, right, right here?

And I cut off my nose just to spite my face

Then hate my reflection, for years and years

Within the next verse, we can connect back to how Angel’s toxic mindset has made a profound impact on himself and his relationships. There’s a big part of him that’s always subconsciously searching for the negative aspects of letting people into his life, and that in itself, is what overpowers his psyche into not recognizing and acknowledging the positive facets as well. These next few lines can be referenced to how he strives to maintain his pornstar persona. The whole concept of Angel Dust is for him to be as appealing and desirable to everyone no matter what because that’s what the public likes to see. But unfortunately, what Angel doesn’t comprehend is that he doesn’t need to overemphasize this “mask” of his because the real, genuine people in his life (such as Molly, Charlie, Cherri, Husk, etc.) love and accept him for who he is internally rather than externally. This lack of understanding can also drive him to act impulsive with his emotions and lash out towards the people he deeply cares about, thereby causing him to feel hatred towards himself and regret the decisions he’s made later on.

I wake in the night, I pace like a ghost

The room is on fire, invisible smoke

And all of my heroes die all alone

Help me hold on to you

The metaphorical meaning behind these next lyrics can connect to how empty and restless Angel feels when he’s by himself. We know that he suffers intense nightmares and drug hallucinations from Valentino, but in this next line: “The room is on fire, invisible smoke”, this allows us to dive deeper into his inner troubles and the emotional turmoil and chaos he’s experiencing from it. He’s known to “burn bridges” and “start fires” with others because like I stated previously, he believes everyone will leave him eventually, so as a result, he shuts people out as a way to cope with this depression and loneliness, knowing that it’s still his fault.

I’ve been the archer, I’ve been the prey

Screaming, who could ever leave me, darling? But who could stay?

Here we have the main chorus again, but what’s different is that the word “screaming” is used. This allows us to really see and feel the intensity behind Angel’s emotions. It can almost be viewed as if he’s “crying out for help” and begging for someone, ANYONE, to reach out and stay there with him.

Cause they see right through me

They see right through me

They see right through

Can you see right through me?

They see right through me (2x)

I see right through me (2x)

This next sequence of lyrics is pretty self-explanatory, especially regarding Angel’s famous reputation. Based upon his story arc so far, the internal struggles and hardships Angel has faced throughout life and death have definitely taken a toll on him. Even though he aims to portray this glamorous, charming pornstar personality, characters like Husk can see right through Angel pretty easily and have no issue in calling him out for how fake he’s being. This not only makes Angel very hyper-aware of his mask “slipping away”, but also adds on an extra layer of anxiety and panic he’s feeling from losing control of that facade.

All the king’s horses, all the king’s men

Couldn’t put me together again

‘Cause all of my enemies started out friends

Help me hold on to you

The first line here is a clear reference to the nursery rhyme, Humpty Dumpty, but the next few lines are what really emphasize Angel’s character even more. Angel is not an easy guy to get along with. He knows he can be an asshole and because of that, he’s made many enemies who could’ve potentially stayed as friends in his life if he didn’t push them away. But that doesn’t make him feel as if he’s alone right? After all, Angel Dust is fulfilled with receiving “love” from clients, fans, and Valentino all the time, so that has to mean something, right? This particular mindset is what fuels Angel to continue craving that form of infatuation and attention because it’s what he surrounds himself with every day. However, once that “high” dies down, who does he have waiting there for him at home? No one, because in reality, he IS alone and that terrifies him even more due to the fact that he’s the reason behind these self-destructive tendencies.

I’ve been the archer, I’ve been the prey

Who could ever leave me, darling? But who could stay?

(I see right through me, I see right through me)

Who could stay? (4x)

You could stay

Combat, I’m ready for combat

These final lines of the song play a significant role in how Angel’s perspective on love can change for the future. Like I’ve said prior, Angel has never had anyone show real, genuine interest in him before, that is, until he met Husk. Husk has made it very clear in the beginning that he doesn’t like putting up with anyone’s bullshit. While his gruff, no-nonsense exterior may be off-putting to others, Angel is very attracted to how real Husk is in expressing how he feels and that is exactly the kind of person Angel needs in his life right now. Over some time throughout the series so far, we start to see a closer relationship develop between the two as well, how fond and comfortable they are of each other. This scares Angel because like all of his other relationships and his current predicament with Valentino, he’s afraid that Husk will voluntarily leave or be taken away from him forever. So in order to avoid that, Angel is determined to do everything he can to keep Husk a permanent part of his life.

Overall, Angel is well aware that he’s not an easy person to love, but with Husk, he feels as if he could be the one to truly understand and accept him for who he is. That maybe, and hopefully, Husk will be the one to stay for good❤️

A/n: yalll,, this is soo fucking long I’m so sorry😭 but I absolutely love these two with all my heart, literally on my hands and knees like this 🧎‍♀️🧎‍♀️🧎‍♀️ but anywaysss I really hoped you enjoyed it just as much as I loved writing it🥰 PLEASE give me all the feedback you have! I would love to hear everyone’s thoughts and opinions, it would really make my day🥹 Thanks for reading loves!!🫶🏼🫶🏼🫶🏼

[pastelpressmachine]

Black Mirror’s Demon 79 and the Justification of Brown Feminine Rage (warning: spoilers)

What if intrusive thoughts can be valid, and it is okay, maybe even necessary to act on them sometimes? If violence isn’t the answer, why must it so often be the question? 

Set in Northern England, 1979,  “Demon 79″ is the final episode of Black Mirror’s sixth season. It follows Nida, a meek sales assistant with a mousy appearance, who is tasked with the most complicated and important mission: to save the world by taking the lives of three human sacrifices in the days leading up to May Day.

Champions of the extended metaphor, Black Mirror employ the talents of Anjana Vasan (an Indian-born, Singaporean-raised, and U.K.-based actress) who plays Nida Huq and Paapa Essiedu (an English actor of Ghanaian descent) who plays Gaap*, the demon Nida accidentally invokes upon finding a talisman that begins this stressful mission of her. Gaap, devilishly handsome and charming, trying to earn his “wings” and be initiated into demonhood reassures the panicking Nida that she is not going mad, she is not a bad person, and the people she is encouraged to kill are vetted through his soul-reading as deserving of death.

*Gaap is considered through stories of demonology and texts related to the Testament of Solomon to be the Prince of Hell, with angels as siblings and a penchant for manipulating women and rendering them infertile. 

Gaap adjusts his form to something more comfortable for Nida by changing into a look-a-like of Bobby Farrell from the famous disco-funk German-Caribbean vocal group known as Boney M. Having the representation of a demonic entity be a Black man while allowing him to manifest into a symbol of appeal for Nida turns the inherent vilification of Black men on its head without contributing to the hypersexualization of Black bodies. Gaap is never presented as a love interest for her, but viewers do get to see them develop a snarky back-and-forth. I almost never see Black and brown leads banter like this. 

Another reason I’m glad Gaap was not portrayed as a sinful symbol of sexual desire is because Indian women already have to navigate a shame-fueled purity culture, and I wouldn’t want to see her grapple with her feelings for someone who is not only outside of her race and religion, but isn’t human. Writers avoided the idea that to love Gaap was to love something forbidden in all possible ways. And we don’t need to see Black folks depicted as not-human. The history of both American cinema and politics has acted on that dangerous perception already. 

When I saw the opening scene of Nida with her wide eyes waking up to get ready for work, I recognized the doe-like innocence in her face as the one I have been raised to emulate. She looks so much like my mother 30 years ago. Minimal makeup, modest clothes, hair neat and tied back.

Moments of Nida’s inner demons being unleashed start off as fantasies she has. She is quietly scurrying through her life as an oppressed minority in 1970′s England, where xenophobia and racism showed up everywhere, from the actions of the British Nationalists to the microaggressions Nida faces at work for simply bringing her potent biryanis to the stock room and “stinking up the place”.

Indian women are some of the least visible in politics historically and presently because we are raised to not make a fuss of things, to be quiet and reserved and let white people act how they want towards us because we are guests in their countries, even when they’ve colonized and pillaged our own. I feel Nida’s pain as she thanks the white people around her for the bare minimum (allowing her an alternative place to eat, such as the basement - where she finds the talisman that changes her life) and avoids the confrontation and rage within her, even sighing in defeat at the NF* tag that has been spray-painted on her front door. 

*NF stands for the National Front, a far-right, fascist political party in the United Kingdom, founded in 1967. 

I crave catharsis for Nida. And for her late mother, whom she has a photo of in her apartment. She explains after the first sacrifice that her mother was perceived as crazy, and now Nida is afraid that people will think the same of her, and this time, because of what she’s done, it will be true. I wondered if Nida’s mom was called crazy because she had stood up for herself, reported abuse or harassment that was occurring within the Indian community itself or in her own home, or tried to leave Nida’s father. None of these scenarios would make the show seem like fiction at all, at least not for many of the South Asian women trapped by the chains of patriarchal ideals. 

There are moments where I am concerned Nida is enamored by Michael Smart, a white politician giving a campaign speech outside the store she works at, as if his mere acknowledgment of her existence without visible disgust is enough to make her heart flutter. Again, I enjoy seeing a Black and brown lead in this episode, and knowing that other viewers are getting to see the many instances of white culture that exposes the racist ignorance and unfair power structures that exist in western society, workplaces, and even the homes of white folks themselves. (I was so happy for little Laura to hear of what was done to her assailant).

When it comes to stopping the world from absolute destruction in a nuclear holocaust, the heroes have never really been people who look like Nida. (It is worth noting that the head writer for this episode was Bisha K. Ali, who also is the executive writer for Disney+’s Ms. Marvel and has tackled many of the same representation issues in her work). People like her don’t have the permission to be loud, angry, or violent without consequences, no matter how justified. Meanwhile, with unchecked authority, bombs go off and innocent people die and children cower in their beds and white men get to act on their worst traits and impulses, however sinful, with little to no accountability.

Even when Nida is being violent, it is for the greater good. Because it has to be. Even female rage has to serve a purpose for others. It cannot just be hers. If she’s going to be angry, she better be trying to solve crime or save the world. 

And through this most guttural and sometimes poisonous part of being a human, Gaap sees her. Maybe it’s because he has transformed in the image of Nida’s celebrity crush or maybe it’s truly the way in which he interacts with her, Gaap sees Nida. He recognizes the type of violence she would and would not indulge in. He tells her she should feel more at ease after killing the first sacrifice, a pedophile she clobbers with a brick before he falls into a river. He continuously recognizes her hesitation, and suggests “Dutch courage”, or booze before following through with the second kill. It is inappropriate in Indian culture for women to drink, which Nida notes when she tells Gaap she doesn’t. Then he asks her if she wants to, something, from the expression on Nida’s face, it doesn’t seem like she has ever been asked. 

Upon entering a pub full of (yes, all white) men, Nida is dismissed by the (also white) female bartender who looks just as irritated by her existence as her coworker Vicky, who had reported how unfair it was that she had to smell Nida’s lunches and endure the lingering scent at work. An older (also white) bartender (who might be the owner) takes her order with the same polite and quiet discomfort of her boss, who had presented her with the basement lunch “solution” to appease Vicky. It’s subtle but the approaches in which different age groups and genders of white English folk take with engaging with Nida demonstrate the variety of ways in which people of colour experience discrimination. At its worst, it is violent hate crimes and unjust legislation that mutates into full blown genocide. At its mildest, it’s passive aggression and strained tolerance. 

It’s more apparent with the second killing (of a man named Keith who killed his wife) that Nida does have the option to be as righteous as she wants to be, which is something I really appreciated about her character. Even if she was killing to prevent the literal apocalypse, and the clock was 6 minutes from midnight -- she must follow the cadence of at least one kill a day -- the moment she has to hear Keith’s justification for what he did and his attempt at absolving himself with the statement “I’m not a bad husband, but --” she swings a hammer at his head to shut him up. She then bashes his head in repeatedly, even to the point where Gaap is wincing at the sight. If this was just about killing people to stop a bigger disaster and loss of life, she wouldn’t be losing herself in the act like she did. 

The third and final kill occurred in the next few minutes, as Keith’s roommate, witnesses her trying to exit, which presents itself as problem in allowing her to continue with the mission if she’s arrested. It’s messy because it was fast, the least premeditated, and she doesn’t know who the man is or if he’d done anything as bad as the previous two skills. Because of this, she’s much more apologetic as the man dies, later finding out from Gaap he was Keith’s brother, Chris, an “ordinary” person who would not have been one of Nida’s choices. 

But as Gaap says, “What’s done is done”. And the three lines on the talisman should have disappeared indicating that Nida has fulfilled her duty. But it still has a line remaining, so a confused Gaap dials 666 (of course) on Nida’s rotary phone to explain the issue to his superiors. He tells Nida that Keith apparently didn’t count because he’s a murderer and anyone who’s been directly responsible for the death of another human being (not counting future deaths they might be responsible for) is off limits. Chris counted because his death still occurred just before midnight. 

Nida doesn’t snap psychologically and decide she enjoys this and is going to become a serial killer, which is a direction I find common in other Black Mirror episodes, where the white and/or male character loses it and/or goes on a killing spree. She grapples once more with her initial unwillingness to participate in this because even when given the go-ahead and to have the most reason to, she enters a mental boxing ring with her instinct v. culture v. morals. From my own experience and what I have seen in my own community, outward expression of rage is never the first emotion a woman reaches for...because she can’t always afford to in the way others can. 

“My whole life, I never wished harm on anyone.” 

Gaap tells her what’s at risk for him, and he describes a fate of punishment that she says sounds like her life now. She stands, empathizing with an actual demon, and deciding to continue with the mission. Gaap also reminds her this isn’t solely for him; she possessed a darkness within her that drew her to the talisman. So, he asks her, who pissed her off?

To Possette’s Shoes they go. 

Vicky, a prime choice for the grand finale, delegates the task of attending to the young girl Laura (from earlier) and her mother to Nida. Because the little girl creeps Vicky out. Gaap informs Nida that because she killed Laura’s dad, Laura doesn’t kill herself at 28 and instead goes to therapy, becomes a mother at 29, and a grandmother at 57. It’s a comforting thought amidst the mayhem of it all. 

Michael Smart makes an appearance once more, as his father and the boss’s father, are old college friends, and Nida’s boss had promised him a suit and shoes on the house. The boss unsurprisingly selects Vicky as the sales attendant, with Gaap grumbling to himself as Nida’s eyes go from ‘excited crush’ to just crushed. Her boss then chooses to notice the boxes on the floor from when Vicky could’ve been cleaning up and hisses at Nida, “Could you pick up the bloody mess?” This prompts Gaap to suggest the boss be the next to go. 

Nida moves on to cleaning up the boxes, eavesdropping on the conversation between Michael and Vicky. When Michael says he hopes he has her vote, she says she is siding with the National Front who she believes will help rid the town of all the pesky foreigners. And then Michael Smart reveals himself to be what a lot of politicians are: covert bigots. He explains to Vicky that an explicitly xenophobic campaign would be too polarizing, so you have to elect a moderate who can win over the masses and put the evil plans in motion. (Sound familiar?) 

There is a subliminal language spoken among white supremacists, even if they smile politely at people who look like me and Nida. And this revelation that she witnesses presents an even more justifiable option for Nida’s third kill. 

She asks Gaap to give her information about Michael’s future, which he hesitantly reveals to her. Michael Smart wins the election, eventually becomes prime minister, and leads a new world order built on white supremacy. Nida decides he is the final target, but Gaap tells her he wouldn’t be the right choice because the Satanic world he comes from is a fan of his work and everyone there would want Michael to be able to facilitate the upcoming deaths that occur as a result of him first winning the election to become a member of Parliament. 

But Nida is set on him, or no one, giving Gaap the ultimatum to get on board or risk his own banishment after failing his initiation. 

Meanwhile, a police investigation occurs which leads to the bar staff identifying Nida as a “muttering Indian woman” who was at the bar the night Keith died. Len Fisher of Tipley Police arrives at Nida’s apartment, as part of routine questioning, and she invites him in, with Gaap’s suggestion to kill him. 

Fisher is the first white person to speak to her as person, too, even though he’s there on the premise of Nida being a potential suspect. Maybe this is more covert trust-building behaviour, maybe as a cop, maybe as someone generally suspicious of people of colour. He is the most mild-mannered, middle-man in the whole story. 

Fisher follows Nida who follows Smart after his speech at town hall. This is where I’m a little surprised but not displeased. The other episodes end with something sad, violent, and/or redemptive. Nida gets a bit of everything, but as with all things Black Mirror, not in the way you’d expect. In society, Nida may be reduced to a mad woman telling an insensible story, enduring the same perception people had of her mother. But society doesn’t last long, and she walks off into a kind of nuclear, fiery sunset with a new friend. 

The deadline for the sacrifices had been May Day, also known as Workers’ Day or International Workers’ Day to commemorate the struggles and gains made by workers and the labour movement. Nida, representing intersectional identities of the working class (immigrants, women, people of colour), was not listened to or believed, and the world ended because of it. Her weapon of choice had been a hammer, a tool meant for building that was used for destructive but necessary purposes. This could be a reference to the Communist party’s symbol of a hammer and sickle, which represents proletarian solidarity. The meaning of the episode, particularly its ending, captures the significance of the working class and how our world relies on them to function and last. When their efforts are stunted, their sacrifices are in vain, or they are not heard, the world ends. 

[ultimateplaylistmaker]

Ultimate Talent Development Plan - Makoto Naegi Event Notes

fkamfkjan of course it starts with him getting hit by a soda can

Wait what why are you here Kiyo, also Makoto called him Kiyo. Also what the fuck kind of metaphor is that, what are you thinking about with Makoto Korekiyo-

Alright fine you have a point Korekiyo

Damn he's poignant at times

Have you considered simply getting taller?

Angie no!

Sayaka I love you but this is SUCH a strange conversation starter

Makoto looking at this luck singularity: ah well, this'll get weird

Celeste's character is so so so fascinating and i'm guilty of girlbossing her a bit too hard like many people, her views of luck were very much the foundation nagito was built on

Also if we're talking about the mahjong thing, my ranking of winner to loser is Nagito, Makoto, Celeste, Jin. Celeste gets lost because as she doesn't bet anything it's not gambling, her talent doesn't activate but her skills carry her enough to beat jin at least. Makoto almost wins but loses last minute with a super lucky move from nagito, which nagito views as unlucky as he wasn't supposed to win.

Ouma is such a fucking MENACE in this scene I fucking love him

Why the fuck did you say that like that Makoto I'm laughing why are you saying it like its some criminal nickname or something

Girl what do you MEAN you have friends

OH NO MAKOTO

Makoto this is going to be REALLY awkward!

This is the most awkward moment of his fucking life goddamn pitching nothing but strikes my dude

Too many ahoges.

Wait what huh

The fourth wall is in fucking tatters, truly the true mark of a protag isnt ahoge, its a gift giving love language

Who let you two be in a room

GET HIS ASS

Togami that's gay

Alright sum up

Makoto never really grows into his hope talent due to the lack of killing game, and as such tends to get pushed around a lot and dragged into things. However he's still very kind and quite perceptive on small details, able to push people to improve and open up.

He also stays somewhat hung up on his luck talent to the very end, while he does get a bit more confident, he never really embraces into being an ultimate. That doesn't mean he doesn't end up with a lot of friends and good memories with him and Kirigiri still managing to bond.

All and all a very average school life.

Outside of Makoto, Ouma keeps up his 'hardest difficulty' thing from v3 even in a not killing game scenario, Togami continues to hate everything going on ever, all the protags bonds over being protags and being gift givers, Shuichi still has self esteem issues, and Kirigiri keeps up a very stoic no emotion business relationship with her father. Also Usami apparently is working with the Reserve Course? Well can't get any worse then canon I suppose.

[skayafair]

Daaaaaaaaaamn this boy has absolutely no idea how to process his feelings *head in hands*

^ this is about episode 4 ending by the way

And, well, yes, Crystal does refocus any talk about others' problems to hers, okay. Usually there's at least a bridge of "yeah I get you, it's really rough" before sharing your own experience to connect, but she just goes straight to "And I...". Which... honestly she has every right to, but it's also her old self talking, yes.

I'm a bit stuck on Charles' "I cant help her, I can't help you, I can't help anyone or anything" because. It's so damn familiar. It's not that he can't help anyone - he does so plenty. It's not even that he can't SAVE anyone - they DO. But he can't see this, because the ones the closest to him are the ones he cannot save. This isn't about helping, that's a fucking saviour complex. An "if I'm not useful or helpful they don't need me", only just "helping" has never been enough now, has it? It's never enough, whatever you do. Moral support or help with research, little daily things are help, too. But it doesn't count. It has to be big, something you can't overlook, and it has to be final, to make who you're trying to save happy, forever. Only it's not possible. That's why the saviour complex is so bad - you can't save someone whose life is not over over completely, forever. You can only help bit by bit, but it won't ever be enough for you, because it has never been enough for someone big and important in your life, someone from family.

I kinda knew where exactly my - the same - issues stemmed from but never looked at it from this specific angle. I didn't connect the dots at first because Charles had an actual physically abusive parent while for mine it's just narcissistic tendences, but. Honestly the general outline is too familiar and I was tiggered and more perceptive today so yeah, thanks again for the insight, DBD.

The feeling of "I can't help my best friend, I can't help my family, I can't help anyone or anything, so what's even the point of me at all?" is too familiar. And I believe the show didn't create a resolution for Charles' problem, more like put it on hold because there were more pressing matters at hand. If we get season 2, I hope it developes this theme further. I need someone to tell him "your worth has nothing to do with this".

Speaking of which, I can't help being astonished at how psychologically accurate and nuanced the show is. With all the characters, really, but Charles' case is the most obvious, I think. The way he's always drawn to the same kind of people and - wow, Charles, that was unusually perceptive! - even noticed it himself? What he didn't notice yet is that this is the kind of people not only with similar personality traits, but also unavailable. Edwin's metaphorical walls, Crystal being alive and honestly just not very interested? Both are rather rude and I couldn't help noticing how uncomfortable Charles often looks when either of his sweethearts is at it again. I could almost see the cogs in his head turning, figuring out how to balance out yet another moody fit of theirs, be it Edwin or Crystal. And not being offended by obvious insults? Hell, Crystal noticed it right away. Yeah he's used to it with Edwin but that's not normal??? There's nothing good about it??? Have some self-worth, boy!

And. Well. Chasing after an unavailable partner is a totally common thing with this kind of trauma. Toxic relationship is the only normal you know. The only kind of "love" you know. If it doesn't hurt even a little, doesn't have these highs and lows, if you don't have to accomodate another's fits - what are we even talking about, yeah?

Charles is honestly lucky though. Edwin tries to be nicer, amitting his flaws, and generally they are pretty well-balanced and keep growing together (but there's always room for developement). Crystal is doing her best and is caring all over as well. The intent is there and it's good at its heart.

But I'm still waiting for the resolution. "You're the best man I've ever known" doesn't cut it.

Also it would be REALLY interesting to see Charles' developement in s2 because while Crystal is probably still off-limits due to the whole the living and the dead thing (and she wants to be friends), Edwin has opened up. Are there going to be any changes in this regard, because this isn't even about romantic or platonic and the orientation, it's about the dynamic in whole? Or is this going to be glossed over? I mean, when Crystal was being emotionally available as a friend - same episode 4 - Charles got angry fot prying. He doesn't know how to deal with all this but has made some progress. Will we see more of it?

We need season 2 SO. BAD.

[paragonrobits]

so i was thinking about how Simon still seems quite close with Finn, Jake and by extension the other people he knew as Ice King, and almost immediately after he is restored to being Simon again. While I could guess that this was actually him getting close to Finn in the years between Come Along With Me and the fionna and cake miniseries, it IS worth noting that in the episode Betty, Simon is startlingly lucid immediately after the Ice King is negated; he knows what's going on, he adjusts well to the situation, and he's able to work a flying carpet, which suggests that he's still acclimitzed to Ooo despite, in his own words, viewing everything as a hazy mass of impressions.

So consider this possibility; its not that his perception of his time as Ice King is lost; he remembers things as well as Ice King did, and all those memories are genuine for him (which may be part of his problem, as most of his life was Ice King).

It's that Ice King himself percieved the world as a hazy mass of impressions.

This could well explain a nature of Ice King's madness; apart from being a more literal metaphor for dementia, if his own perceptions are constantly shifting and he can't really remember anything going on around him, it's no wonder he's so mercurial. He forgets things all the time, because he CAN'T remember anything except as impressions. The feelings are there, and he remembers that, but Simon and Ice King have precisely the same amount of recollection. The different is their respective ability to process it at all.

[mysebacielblog]

Ciel is Trans Theory

I Need to point this out because. I have a hunch that Ciel is Trans, and fingers crossed I’m right. Honestly, I could be completely off base and this could be as close as Ancient Aliens is to History.

This might be an overreach but here is my case for it, as best as I can:

* Based on previous events and Chapters, Yana has shown that She Likes Playing on the concept of Gender from the Very First Arc. From the Very beginning we are introduced to a woman who is Jack the Ripper, challenging the male murder stereotype on its head, and her lover, a gender ambiguous (Later Confirmed Canonically!!) Trans Reaper Lady. Both unite from their desire, and hatred for the prostitutes who beg for abortions at her clinic. There are Already wombs being ripped out of women and we’ve just started.

* The Fact that Ciel is Dressed extremely effeminately not only for the period, even for EGL clothing standards might point to something as well. But when forced to wear a dress for the sake of a mission, he loses his mind. Although it could be a tween’s worst nightmare, how Madame Red laments to Ciel when dressing him as a girl that she always wanted a daughter feels like something.

* Ciel is always referred to as beautiful, which is not wrong for the period, but there are less masculine terms that people refer to him as.

* Yana herself says that she Over Masculinizes Ciel. Which is an interesting take for his effeminate nature of dress Vs masculine personality?

* Another hot take is that Yana Specifically has instructed in certain live action and anime for the voice actor to be a woman. I’ve seen a lot of talk on this particular conversation but none highlighting this as a clue on our Ciel’s Identity??? How??

* Mey Rin is also have been hidden as a boy with her previous life as a sniper, so this also shows that this is not out of the question either. The same reveal has happened with Doll.

* Ciel does not let anyone get close to his body. This is obviously because traumatic stress behaviors, however, similar flinching could allude to a different reason entirely.

* Our Lad introduces himself as the “Earl Ciel Phantomhive” Earl almost being apart of his first name. He’s already changed his name to hide his past. But Why?

* Let’s pretend that Ciel was in fact, born a boy at birth. If his brother and parents died, even if he was considered a “Spare Child”, (remember the British Phrase an Heir and a Spare). He would still be a legitimate hier due to his brother being unable to claim inheritance (because of his death) and pass on something to him. Even if another family member became a guardian and inherited a majority to raise our ciel, he would still be entitled to Something, and (might) even become Earl. This would Not be the case if Ciel was born a girl.

* Two Cultural similarities Japanese Manga and the Victorian period have in common are the troupe of “women disguising themselves as men”. I put this in quotes because, as Ciel described it, “the old him died in his cage,” pointing to metaphorical metamorphosis, and not simply a disguise for convient’s sake. Although it was common for (transgender men, queer cis women and/or Cis women) to take on a male position / pseudonym in order to establish a title, or a job position (typically in writing, this continued until the 1960’s). Now add on the popular manga/anime that were important in playing with perceptions of gender during Black Butler’s Debut (think Ouran High school host club), and there’s something there.

* The Fact that no one mourned Ciel’s Death was unfortunate, but a critical plot point of the story. Up until now, no one even acknowledged Our Ciel had ever Existed. Not a name, not “twins” nothing. Even though our Lad was an ill child, no one had even acknowledged he was there to begin with. Women and children were rarely recognized in Victorian culture, let alone a “Woman Child”. This culture was challenged somewhat through literature in the early ‘30’s with works from Jane Austen, ‘47 with Charlotte Brontë (who went by a pseudonym) and Lewis Carol’s Alice and the Looking Glass at the end of the century. (introducing a Girl Protag!! Gracious!). As sad as it may be, no one would really mourn an terminally ill girl compared to her family’s murder, unless having accomplished something amazing. It would be seen unfortunately as a lifted burden, and ultimately one less dowery or added expense. The fact that no one even bothered to notice our Ciel’s death or even the toll it might have on his twin is evident enough.

* The most Damning evidence I have for this theory is Lizzy’s reaction to figuring out “Ciel” was not the real “Ciel”. The immediate turn against Ciel. Why wouldn’t she even hear him out? What could have possibly turned her away like that, without a doubt in her mind, even if she had met with the Real Ciel? The fact that her reaction was not confusion but rather an extreme turn against him, she did not even think one minute to give Our Ciel a chance. And the only possible reason (combined with the fact that he was lying about not being his brother) is that if he was Not Cis. Not only would that mean that she was with the sick weaker sibling not heir to the Phantomhive legacy, but Ciel Could never conceive a family with Elizabeth, nor marry her like she would have wanted. And even if she married him, they would never be able to have children of their own (a really big obsession with British Aristocracy- modern day source: royals). All of her dreams would be shattered. And that shattering would bring her to turn instantly.

* The fact that everyone automatically assumed our ciel was real ciel, just based on saying so. Why?

* The fact that sick girls were often dressed like male counterparts to strengthen them during this era, as well as androgynous clothing for children being in fashion (because of less washing headaches and hand-me-downs)

* A smaller, minor detail is how Sebastian says “When lies become truth”. This is pointing towards both their façades but an interesting quote none the less on transitioning.

* I’m pointing to his teeny shoes with the high heels. It’s not that they’re effeminate women’s shoes that are iffy for the period, (which let’s be clear, they are) but. Look at him. Trying his best to be tall adult man. I’m pointing at his shoes.

* I might be missing a lot. Tell me if I am.

Reasons For Why I Am Extremely Wrong:

*Tanaka and Vincent referring to Our Ciel with he/him pronouns, (although I’m not sure on the original Japanese translation on chapter 131)

[autisticlancemcclain]

fic rec friday 40

hello and welcome to fic rec friday! where, on friday, i rec five of my favourite fics.

The Heart of the Scorpion by crystalklances

Lance has a big old crush on the school's Soccer Captain, Keith. He tries to deny having a crush even while their every interaction sends his heart aflutter. Romantic horoscopes and secret love letters? Totally not related to Keith. Luckily, heart and stars align to prove him wrong.

i will fucking miss crystalklances every single day of my life he was a PILLAR. i wish he had kept his account and just abaondoned it but im grateful at least that he only orphaned his fics and didnt delete it. he had so much to write about the college scene and soft klance and them being tender and soft and open about it!! he also often gave keith parents and he almost ALWAYS wrote trans lance like he invented the tag!! crystalklances i miss you and this was one of my favourite fics of yours

2. It's Not Spying If You Don't Call It Spying by @jilliancares

Turns out everyone is spying on Lance and Keith's blossoming relationship.

this is truly so goofy and silly and the team is SO so nosy and they need to be involved in 110% of klance's shit. as they deserve tbh. theyre all so annoying and i support all of their crimes

3. i wanna love you (but i don't know if i can) by @rickybowens

So, of course, that was when Hunk had said, "You know, it's really good that we're all friends here. I feel like it always gets awkward when two people in a group start dating, you know?" "Well, I don't think we have to worry about that with this group," Pidge had piped up, "I love you all, but there's no way in hell I'd date any of you." Everyone else had murmured their agreement, except for Lance and Keith, who had shared a look before trying to discreetly scoot away from the other. (Or, Lance and Keith decide to date in secret so their relationship doesn't make their teammates uncomfortable. It goes about as well as is to be expected.)

secret relationship you will ALWAYS be famous. its literally my favourite trope idc!! and this arc made SO much sense in terms of a reason for them to be dating in secret!! i loved how the team was the problem but that was very much not their intention but it made sense why klance was afraid and just...this whole fic was cinema truly i love it so so much

4. Of Pidge, Perception, and Prosecution by @erinnovelist

Of all the paladins, Lance knew Pidge was the one he had to watch out for. The only time her guard was down was after she woke up. She didn’t talk, glasses discarded after long hours staring at a screen, and she couldn’t function properly without her daily cup of coffee-equivalent alien juice. Which was why, when he wandered into the kitchen that morning, Lance hadn’t expected Pidge to zero in on him and ask, “When did you and Keith start fucking?”

teehee this one made me giggle its so ridiculous. and yes i did scroll thru the secret relationship tag again idc its so good!! i love the idea of klance thinking theyre so so sneaky and the whole time pidge is like yeah bitch ive been knew yall aint subtle in the slightest

5. Shifting Rock by @ohcontrary

Shiro is back with the team and things are... difficult, but getting easier. But even as he feels more and more like himself, he notices how his relationships have change. It's possible his relationship with Lance is changed irreparably. Luckily, the mission they go on gives them a chance to talk. But on a trip so perilous, they'll need to pay attention-- It isn't just their relationship that's on shaky ground.

lance and shiro NEEDED to talk fr. if ur gonna pretend the later seasons happened then they needed to CHAT. and what better place to chat then mortal peril and the threat of being crushed to death!! holy metaphors!!

that’s it for today!! i’ll see y’all back next friday for the next fic rec post!!!

[2hoothoots]

i've seen a couple of posts recently talking about Thorney Towers and its bizarre geometry - how it's the only real-world location we see with gravity-defying environments and Escheresque architecture. here's what's always been my interpretation: the inside of the asylum doesn't literally look like that, but it's a representation of how Raz, with his extrasensory awareness, perceives it.

there are a couple of thing in the games that imo make it explicit we're seeing everything filtered through Raz's point of view. there's gameplay stuff, like how things he's focusing on will get a green glow around them; and then there's stuff like the bit at the end of Rhombus of Ruin, implying that the Hand of Galochio is, at least sometimes, something only he can see. we can also see ripples in the air where two people are talking telepathically or where there are stray thoughts, auras around certain characters, and so on - things that (presumably) aren't visible to the regular, non-psychic person.

i've always figured that this extends to the way he perceives the rest of the world, too. the upper levels of Thorney Tower are twisted, mind-bending, impossible spaces that could never plausibly exist in real life. to me, this level is more of a visual metaphor than anything else. it's twisted and warped the same way our own perception can be warped by strong feelings, like how a sense of claustrophobia can make it feel like the walls are squeezing down on you, or vertigo can make heights seem to stretch and spin.

(screenshots taken from a Let's Play by Materwelons)

there's a long-standing trope of psychics/empaths/mediums being able to read the 'vibes' of places they're in, especially places where horrible things have happened. real-world asylums and sanitariums have been the sites of untold horrors against their 'patients'; confinement and restraints, electroshock therapy, lobotomies... it's easy to imagine Thorney Towers as a place suffused with suffering, the anguish of its old inhabitants seeping into it like a stain, lingering like ghosts even after the building itself has been all but abandoned.

what does that feel like, if you're someone who's sensitive to it? how does it warp your perception of the space around you? the twisted interiors of Thorney Towers harken back to the impossible geometry of some of the mental worlds, and i think that's deliberate. to me, we're seeing a blending of both the physical surroundings, an old building in disrepair; and the metaphysical, the echoes of old feelings that still haunt the place, the way it must have looked to some of its inhabitants - warped in a way that's upsetting and almost incomprehensible.

i don't have an explanation for the pit of radioactive goo at the bottom, though. if anyone has any ideas about the goo let me know i guess

[whencyclopedia]

The Chapter: A Segmented History from Antiquity to the Twenty-First Century

Nicholas Dames presents a detailed history of the seemingly invisible chapter. While offering insights about how the chapter frames our perception of time, his work struggles to find a final thesis about the use of this information and thus leaves the reader with a wide body of information with, paradoxically, little indexing.

To Nicholas Dames, the "chapter" has become a silent, invisible metronome of our lives. Beginning as an index for Latin encyclopedias and Greek legal codes, this simple tool for dividing text has spread far beyond its basic indexical function to become a metaphor for all areas of life. For example, Gerald Ford would have us believe we have started a new chapter after Watergate; after a painful breakup we start a new chapter of our lives; and organizations like fraternities also use chapters to increase their popularity. We do not stop to question the concept of the chapter very much; unlike sentences, paragraphs, or essays, chapters do not have strict rules governing their form, content, or reach. Nor do we ask why they begin or end where they do, or why they have the titles they do – if they have a title at all. Thus, Dames sets out to answer two questions: "Why chapters exist" – a historical question – and "What exactly they did to our sense of time" – a theoretical question.

To be sure, Dames is well-qualified to carry out this analysis. As a professor of humanities at Columbia University, he focuses on "the history and theory of the novel," marshaling a vast variety and quantity of evidence to make his case. To this end, he structures his book in chapters of its own, beginning with a general introduction before leading into a historical overview, analyzing the chapter's history from its historic origins in antiquity to its ultimate purpose as a citation tool for Biblical transcription. Finally, he focuses his final chapters on the novel: notably, he focuses almost exclusively on the Western novel, emphasizing writers like Goethe, Tolstoy, and Dickens. To support this argument, Dames offers scans of early pages that indicate signs of chapter-like divisions, includes charts and graphs that analyze the lengths of chapters statistically and offers deep consideration of how content and form shape one another. The book benefits from these insets, if only because they force us to consider our own definitions for "chapter." Is a chapter defined by its length? By its subject? Dames uses these tools to make us conceive of the chapter as time, cementing the crux of his argument.

Then we must ask: to what end? This type of book purports to find something remarkable in the history of the "musty" and "common," and thus they must always make a kind of case for its existence to a skeptical reader. In this respect, it is a bit difficult to say who this book is for: it is certainly far too advanced and too densely written for most students, not of much interest to the general public, and perhaps already familiar to experts. There are certainly many interesting observations here. For example, Dames rightly points out that chapter titles are only vaguely part of the novel's content, usually expressed by neither the narrator nor the characters. The chapter is a third point of view, often presenting an ironic commentary on the text. But how useful is this insight? Where is that "so what" that this book is always looking for?

To venture one theory: this book is about the great but often secretive power of the framing device. By conceiving life, history, or politics in chapters, we permit a vast, inchoate blob of time, with all its currents and eddies, to be chopped up into all-too-neat chunks. A canny manipulator can easily exploit the power to reorganize "time as a series of ordered linear segments," and thus manufacture divisions that reflect the interests of the person making the division. Readers of this book will sit up and take notice the next time a conniving politician, smiling influencer, or manipulative ex claims to have started a new chapter and wonder what exactly hides in the white space between the end of one segment and the start of the next.

Readers interested in the history of the novel might enjoy The Lives of the Novel (2013) by Thomas Pavel, while those seeking a book on writing more generally might find A History of Writing (2002) by Ann-Marie Cristin interesting.

Continue reading...

[secretmellowblog]

I love how the parallel between Valjean’s crisis after the Bishop and Javert’s crisis after the barricades is so strong that their thought processes are often described with nearly the exact same metaphors.

The musical conveying this by having them sing the same melody is such a perfect translation of the way their dialogue/descriptions echo each other in the novel...Like:

Valjean: 

“Is it true that I am to be released?” he said, in an almost inarticulate voice, and as though he were talking in his sleep.

Vs Javert: 

As though in a dream, (Javert) murmured rather than uttered this question: “What are you doing here?”

—

Valjean:

Like an owl, who should suddenly see the sun rise, the convict had been dazzled and blinded, as it were, by virtue.

Vs Javert: 

He perceived amid the shadows the terrible rising of an unknown moral sun; it horrified and dazzled him. An owl forced to the gaze of an eagle.

—

Valjean:

He no longer knew where he really was. 

Vs Javert:

Where did he stand? He sought to comprehend his position, and could no longer find his bearings.(…) He no longer understood himself. 

Valjean: 

At times he would have actually preferred to be in prison with the gendarmes, and that things should not have happened in this way; it would have agitated him less.

Vs Javert:

But then, why had he permitted that man to leave him alive? He had the right to be killed in that barricade. He should have asserted that right. It would have been better to summon the other insurgents to his succor against Jean Valjean, to get himself shot by force.

—

Valjean:

He actually saw that Jean Valjean, that sinister face, before him. He had almost reached the point of asking himself who that man was, and he was horrified by him. 

Vs Javert:

He conceived a horror of himself. 

—

Valjean:

He could not yield to the evidence of what was going on within him. He hardened himself against the angelic action and the gentle words of the old man.

Vs Javert:

He had not yielded without resistance to that monster, to that infamous angel, to that hideous hero, who enraged almost as much as he amazed him. 

Valjean:

 By one of those singular effects, which are peculiar to this sort of ecstasies, in proportion as his reverie continued, as the Bishop grew great and resplendent in his eyes, so did Jean Valjean grow less and vanish. After a certain time he was no longer anything more than a shade. All at once he disappeared. The Bishop alone remained; he filled the whole soul of this wretched man with a magnificent radiance.

Vs Javert:

Then his reflections reverted to himself and beside Jean Valjean glorified he beheld himself, Javert, degraded. (…)

Javert, the spy of order, incorruptibility in the service of the police, the bull-dog providence of society, vanquished and hurled to earth; and, erect, at the summit of all that ruin, a man with a green cap on his head and a halo round his brow; this was the astounding confusion to which he had come; this was the fearful vision which he bore within his soul.

—

Valjean:

That which was certain, that which he did not doubt, was that he was no longer the same man, that everything about him was changed, that it was no longer in his power to make it as though the Bishop had not spoken to him and had not touched him.

Vs Javert:

All that he had believed in melted away. Truths which he did not wish to recognize were besieging him, inexorably. Henceforth, he must be a different man.

Valjean:

He examined his life, and it seemed horrible to him; his soul, and it seemed frightful to him.

Vs Javert: 

He felt himself emptied, useless, put out of joint with his past life, turned out, dissolved. Authority was dead within him. He had no longer any reason for existing.

Valjean:

Did he have a distinct perception of what might result to him from his adventure at Digne? Did he understand all those mysterious murmurs which warn or importune the spirit at certain moments of life? Did a voice whisper in his ear that he had just passed the solemn hour of his destiny; that there no longer remained a middle course for him; that if he were not henceforth the best of men, he would be the worst; that it behooved him now, so to speak, to mount higher than the Bishop, or fall lower than the convict; that if he wished to become good he must become an angel; that if he wished to remain evil, he must become a monster? (….) did he catch some shadow of all this in his thought, in a confused way?

Misfortune certainly, as we have said, does form the education of the intelligence; nevertheless, it is doubtful whether Jean Valjean was in a condition to disentangle all that we have here indicated. If these ideas occurred to him, he but caught glimpses of, rather than saw them, and they only succeeded in throwing him into an unutterable and almost painful state of emotion.

Vs Javert:

God, always within man, and refractory, He, the true conscience, to the false; a prohibition to the spark to die out; an order to the ray to remember the sun; an injunction to the soul to recognize the veritable absolute when confronted with the fictitious absolute, humanity which cannot be lost; the human heart indestructible; that splendid phenomenon, the finest, perhaps, of all our interior marvels, did Javert understand this? Did Javert penetrate it? Did Javert account for it to himself? Evidently he did not. But beneath the pressure of that incontestable incomprehensibility he felt his brain bursting.

..And these are only the lines I've caught tonight. I don't know, as much as Les Mis adaptations love to focus on Valjean and Javert (often without understanding them cough bbc les mis cough) I feel like there are very few that Get how much both of them were broken by the same prison system, and how the trauma of that makes them view themselves and their own feelings through similar lenses.