#it's a very small thing but still!
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having good & true friends will literally save and protect you in a million unfathomable ways. like okay we have written so many times about lovers. but the way a platonic friend laughs and cries with you. the way they hold your hand at 14 years old and at 34. the way they keep a little silver tie to you, touching base over and over and over. how you can go years without talking, only to re-meet and discover: oh shit! you're still cool!
there are people who have been in my life for more than half of it, and i have loved every version of them. do you know how fucking beautiful that is. yeah love will save the world. but the way friends love you is gonna save the you.
#and before one of u is like '' i have no friends :(" i used to be there too actually#abusive partner cut me off from ALL of 'em. i didn't think i was lovable#it made me EXCEPTIONALLY shy. i still am actually!!!!#i just ... started saying ''yes.''#i would take pictures of flyers in my library and go to whatever events they had#i started taking community classes#if someone mentioned like ''i am gonna start x group'' i actually took a deep breath#and approached them to be like . okay i want in.#i started making the first move with new people - a small compliment#a smile or a little joke. just to share the space with them.#i have MASSIVE social anxiety. bad parent and bad relationship will do that to ya.#but i just... kept going. and going. and going. to each of these little things. and then...#like. .... idk i just am very blessed. i have a STUPID number of friends#a lot of which i reconnected with. bc it turns out love is never wasted. adult life just.#like. gets in the way. but also... i loved u as a weird little kid. i love u now as a weird big adult.#i promise i PROMISE ur friends are out there. u just have 2 find them. and btw#i didn't make friends with everyone. but i did get a lot of people to smile or laugh.#aint that something.#this process took me something like 2 years. it was HARD!!!!!!!!!!#i love u!!! hard things are often worth it!!!
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If anyone is interested, please feel free to light a digital candle through Illuminate. I got a name a few years back, and it's a name I won't forget. May every name we have found be a blessing. May their names never be forgotten. May we never forget.
Never again means now.
#jumblr#yom hashoah#shoah tw#this is a very small thing but i think it's a good digital project in the sense that it connects you with a name - a person#and gives you information - however scant - that is connected with them#i know many people have probably shared this but i still wanted to share#never again#i don't think i can attend the irl yom hashoah event near me tomorrow and it's kind of gutting me a little#but the person whose name i lit a digital candle for had... such little information we know. it aches my heart#i hope we continually find names and information about the people we gave found already. may we never ever forget them all#it causes so much anguish that there are names and people we may never know about#or information about people we will never know. i know g-d has not forgotten them i just... i wish we could know too
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I feel bad for neglecting Hazel so much, I do have many thoughts about her.. and also a mermaid au that im probably not going to do anything with
#fop#fairly oddparents#fop a new wish#fairly oddparents a new wish#hazel wells#fop hazel#fop dev#dev dimmadome#art#digital art#doodles#I wish Hazels parents were more flawed tbh...#Like I get why they wanted to have them be good rep so that young people could know what a good family is supposed to look like#but it felt like every time there was an opportunity to have them do something genuinely flawed-#they would perfectly sidestep it before it even became a problem#I really enjoyed the first episode because it showed a hint of a very unique emotional issue Hazel had related to having a therapist mother#The idea that she has to be mature all the time#constantly living around therapy speak makes her feel like she isnt allowed room to breathe#Feeling unable to express her emotions without someone there giving advice that she isnt ready for yet#just small things!#She feels so pressured to be emotionally mature all the time BECAUSE she gets praised for it#maybe im projecting everyone always tell me I was so mature for my age...#But like I really really wanted to see that from her!!#And then after that episode it doesnt even come up again#The only other episode that features the moms job as a conflict is the one where she wants to spend more time with her#which is a fine conflict I guess but it still ends with her saying all the perfect things#I wanted Markus to be more of a genuine threat too. even if he didnt actually do anything having him be more looming would have been nice#I feel like they mostly forget hes a para scientist most of the time idk.#I just felt like his interactions could have been more unique#Maybe he will be in future seasons idk
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Curly's little blurb on his steam trading card just keeps reminding me he is a much more miserable person than people realize.
We don't get a lot of his thoughts, inner confliction that aren't bogged down by what Jimmy says or does. Even in the The Last One and Then Another, his dialogue is reflective, not the Curly before the crash but the result of everything. Parts of the him he was are there of course, but also disfigured and warped beyond recognition just like he is physically.
Curly really doesn't think much of himself and desires. He clearly chases fleeting moments of happiness. He doesn't really have prospects for himself, assumes in a similar way to Swansea, that if it should make it happy then he is happy. Though, he hasn't reached the point Swansea did to admit it doesn't. He neither sees the glass half full or empty, it's just water, something he needs and he'll take it from any perspective.
He wasn't running from anything but he's never really been going towards something either. He's listless. I've been using the term complacent to describe how he feels about his life and the closest people (really just Jimmy) in it, but now that word feels too neutral, too nice. Happier than Curly really was. There isn't just one word for it, he's unfulfilled, uncertain, uninspired. There are no active problems he faces and that's the issue, why should he be upset?
I believe he really is a person who doesn't know who he is or wants to be. He follows a structure. I don't think he's suicidal, but he clearly doesn't think about what makes him happy. He's numb. I suppose that is a better word than complacent, used to the feeling even if he hates it. It doesn't hurt so why stop it?
#like curly is very much does his job goes home takes care of self repeat i dont think hes like an asocial person but he doesn't take the tim#time to indulge in himself the way he thinks hes a bigger picture guy so as long as nothing is disrupted hes relatively okay even if its#slowly chipping away at him and making him feel hollow like he thought space was endless that he could never reach a point of feeling finis#he never had to predict what to do after the end and suddently he realizes there was no end to it because there cant be an end to nothing#hes accomplished so much objectively but hes done nothing with his life outside of his work like he mentions no hobbies other friends or an#thing of the sort he doesn't even feel like he can vent it cause what? hes complaining about how hard it is to get promoted to have securit#in a job you hate and a position that keeps weighing you down like I feel like if he explained himself at the party and didn't let Jimmy t#talk for him hed actually have made points the others would get cause even if they envied his position he still is justified in being unhap#not everything that you think would bring you happiness does or fulfills even a small part of that desire#idk hes a lot more fucked in the head but like towards himself than people realize like how he lets Jimmy treat him is indicitive of that i#mouthwashing#mouthwashing game#captain curly#curly mouthwashing
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Silly guys goin' on silly adventures:]
@rorydrawsandwrites's puppeteer au but the only difference is that jax gives consent
My contribution to this wonderful au has been long overdue:')
Rambling in tags ehe (cw: ribbun:p)
Well maybe it's not the only difference
#I think in this version of the au possesion puts you into an almost dream-like state#Slipping into a sort of weird trance#Like physically you still have control of your body#But mentally you're mindlessly following orders from a disembodied voice#Kinda works like that imperius curse in harry potter (yes ik rowling sucks)#And jax soon figured out it was great for dissasociating😀#Escapism and heavily dependant on those possesion sessions to preserve his own mental stability:')#But *cue dramatic music🥁*#He eventually realises that it was not the possesion that brings him comfort and peace no more#But the presence and embrace of gangle that did<3💖💗💞#Jskhsskhj sorry that was so cheesy🧀#Well more or less its because he hadnt have human interaction in AWHILE it seems#Goose did confirm that it has been a long time since he last got a hug:(#*almost* made me feel bad there#Mkay enough rambling about this slight very minor variation of the story#I hope this whole thing was coherent to even be readable=]#Maybe ill even add emojis✨#tadc gangle#tadc jax#ribbun#the amazing digital circus#Tadc au#tadc fanart#tadc fandom#gangle x jax#jax x gangle#Let me have this guys#Let me indulge-#Her head is a tad bit too small yes IM AWARE#This is actually probably my fastest post to reach 100 notes wth (in like 7-8 hours)
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When will women wake up? When will they stop with the incessant coping? That it’s just a few bad apples that hate women. The vast majority of men vehemently hate women. They show it both on and offline. More overtly online though. And the amount of likes for all of these posts (all of which are from gimmick accounts with 10-100k+ followers dedicated to hating women) shows that. Men do not see us as human beings. Straight men’s interest and attraction to women starts and end with sexual gratification. And there’s no reason to even explain this to other women as if it’s some hidden truth. They will literally tell you. They will get online and tell you they aren’t emotionally and romantically interested in women. That the concept of actually caring for and loving a woman is foreign to them. That you’re a sex doll and a set of holes to them.
Like who needs feminist theory to dissect all the ways in which misogyny manifests when it seems men are doing everything in their power to show women how much they fucking collectively hate us. Even blatantly regarding us as holes and sex dolls.
Also find it so interesting that these are tweets with millions of views but so called progressive twitter NEVER sees them or condemns them and instead opt to give attention to some random radfem with 300 followers saying men bad. THATS what’s a pressing issue to them. THATS proof that misandry is as prevalent and troublesome as misogyny meanwhile this is what women are subjected to.
#I truly think birthing males is the biggest self own#all of these males are the product of a woman going through 9 months of tribulations and risking that of her own life to give birth to them#just for this to be the result#albeit most of their mothers are probably misogynistic too but I doubt to this degree as I feel like even the most sexist of women#would think this is too far because even they have some sort of self preservation#but jfc I’d genuinely 🔑 myself than birth a male#literally birthing the very thing that hates and harms you#like imagine all the women who’d probably still be here if even a small percentage of males weren’t born#radblr#radical feminist safe#radical feminism#radfem#men hate you#i hate men#moid moment#moids#misogyny#all men
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That voice has taught you wrong.
You can't outrun yourself, you can't guilt yourself away until you are left with someone "good".
You can't cut away a shadow, it will follow where you go.
You can't treat yourself like a solvable problem.
You are unfixable.
You were never broken to begin with.
Just taught wrong.
#comic#my art#my sona#ellteocs#hiiii this is a comic about struggling to accept that your brain isnt bad#just.... different.#society shames you for many many things and having an ND brain is one we are taught to be ashamed and guilty of#from a very young age#we have so much potential but let me be clear. we are not wasting anything by being this way.#our brains dont have thr zupport they need to work as effectively as we would like them to#that doesnt make you bad. or not snough. it makes you a house without foundation.#nobody would be surprised if a house with no foundation collapsed under undue pressure!!!!#you are the same way whether people realize it or not#be kind to yourself where you xan spare it#i know it is not easy. i still struggle. but you have to let that small soft kindness in you grow.
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The familiarity is not very comforting (Patreon)
#Doodles#UT#Handplates#Sans#Papyrus#Asgore#Always with memories/lack of memories being distressing! How memories shape action interests me quite a lot#Papyrus and Sans both have the ''this has been on me since forever so it's normal'' outlook on the plates#Defensive when other people get concerned about their lack of concern haha <3#But what if ♪#Honestly probably could be set anywhere but I wanted Papyrus to be worried for Sans' safety and not fully know why <3#Lots of very I don't know why I know this but I'm not happy about it haha#Can you tell I didn't use references for this from Asgore's outfit and the boys being on the opposite sides lol#It was very fun to draw them being carried haha ♥ Asgore's gigantic hands#Teeny tiny babies even still haha#In case it's unclear - Sans is looking at Asgore's text in the second panel and putting two and two together about his hand plate#That was a point of curiousity for me while I was reading :0 All the other text Gaster uses to communicate is WingDings!#All the papers he has the boys do and obviously his native font to speak haha#Wondered briefly if it was perhaps that distancing thing I mentioned a bit back in reference to ZEX actually haha#Like swearing in a different language - a way to not claim the action as his own in some small sense#Or perhaps as reference to their fonts being in that alphabet? I wonder!#I love their little interactions in how they look out for each other even in small ways <3#Papyrus concerned of course! Falling is dangerous! It'll be more obvious why later but this is emotionally a very strong and real feeling!#And Sans wants to do anything he can to not make his brother sad ♥#It'll all turn out okay you two 💕
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Italian Steve Harrington hcs because why not:
He was born in Italy (ovbisouly) but moved to hawkins when he was around 10 or 11.
He speaks fluent Italian, it's his first language, which is why he asks what certain words mean so much. He's still expanding his English vocabulary.
He always writes his notes in Italian, he was forced to stop writing in Italian at school but after he graduated he started again. Robin keeps trying to read his little notes but she doesn't know Italian yet. (He has a journal that's in Italian because he knows Robin keeps trying to read it)
He teaches Robin Italian because she wanted to learn. Mainly so she could understand what he mumbles.
When he's stressed, scared, or angry he'll start rambling/yelling in Italian. No one understands him but Eddie always gets him to calm down. Robin does too but for some reason Eddie does it the best. Unless he's arguing then he has to be reminded to speak English.
He's an amazing cook, everything he makes is good. Steve tries his best to introduce everyone to certain Italian dishes.
He has several of his grandma's old cook books.
During the holidays his parents force him to fly out to Italy to see the rest of his family. After the age of 13, his parents are already there waiting for him.
He insults people in Italian so they don't understand him. Dustin, Mike, and Robin are normally the victims.
Sometimes he'll just switch into Italian and has to be reminded to speak English.
He loved living in Italy but refuses to move back because all of his friends (family) that matter live in Hawkins.
#italian steve harrington#steve harrington#stranger things#steddie#robin buckley#headcanon#eddie thinks steve talking in Italian is very hot#eddie and robin beg steve to make them food#i love Italian steve sm#steves parents still suck btw#they basically sent him to live in hawkins because its a small town and they think he'll be safe when they go on business trips#hes not safe
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"I was gonna say you're like a son to me.. but you're more than that."
"It ain't that complicated!"
How quickly that shoulder pat of comfort turned into a condescending one.
#he makes me feel so emo#this life was never meant for you but your fate was forced#the way dutch (and hosea) talks to arthur like he's stupid will never sit right with me#like they've been by his side over 20 years they KNOW he isn't stupid because if he was he would have been gone a long time ago#not only is arthur incredibly emotionally smart but he's a trained conman vault breaker gunslinger horse rider you name it#the fact that his own adoptive parents break him down like that hurts#it's a manipulation tactic on dutch's end - break your victims self esteem to make them chase your praise and approval#hosea I believe has just gone along with that kind of attitude but in a different way he just likes to jest lightheartedly#arthur doesn't see the difference though and it's understandable but he takes it to heart#the worst part is that hosea sees through his tough guy act and has called arthur out on it#his act is a defence mechanism to protect himself from being too vulnerable - in arthur's mind#and it isn't a sudden thing it's very likely something that has built over the years given the life he has lived#and hosea notices he knows this#but they still jab at arthur#oh it hurts#is he your son dutch? or is he your guard dog? your personal workhorse?#playing through the second time is opening my eyes more and more#rdr2#red dead redemption 2#mick squeaks#mick rants#mick gifs#arthur morgan#dutch van der linde#liveblogging#you guys gotta understand - arthur seeks and longs for dutch's approval he'll never say it but it's the key motive behind his loyalty#and arthur *rejects* dutch's comfort#he doesn't *want* dutch to pat him on the shoulder because he knows dutch is digging them an even deeper hole#he doesn't want that touch he craves#it's so insanely monumental for such a small scene because it shows us how arthur feels without telling us
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it doesn't feel real to me fellas. but I don't have time to sit by and chat and unload unfortunately so I'll just drop this and be on my way, cya kind folks very soon ✌️
not professional but I liked how his eye looked goddang it. I knew I was screwing myself but I did it anyway
#don't worry ill actually be screaming in my reblogs now and again if I dont get to make a post soon with my tremendous mound of m#messy words#guyz😫 i watched it 3 days ago and i still cant believe it happened#it's definetly cause i dropped out of the anticipation train for the last like what 5 months? just slapped me like a truck with a hand#bb jeezez christ im so happy fellas it's so goofy and best of all it feels safe(I COULD BE VERY WRONG)#ya know me tho. things in life be pretty tough so i keep my hoping and optimisim for the escapism spaces 🙏😌#anyway i can't stick around and tag ramble im afriad. if i don't come back soon#at the very least count on me during the summer!#.... but also no way im not atleast watching what everyone will be saying about this season#i have an ambition to draw something small after every episode release. so we'll see!#kuroshitsuji#black butler#kuroshitsuji fanart#fanart#sebastian michaelis#ciel phantomhive#digital art#weston college arc#black butler anime#kuroshitsuji anime#kuroshitsuji: kishuku gakkou hen
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I know this is just a silly bad quality random screencap of a screencap that I found on facebook lol, BUT it's a succinct enough image to easily describe the concept in a quick/accessible way hopefully :
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(and of course, feel free to elaborate in tags, etc.! (especially elaborating about other senses as well.. can you "hear" in your mind just as well as you can "see"? taste? etc.) It's an interesting topic to me, as someone who's like a 4.5 at MOST lol. I'm curious what option will be the most common :0c )
#tumblr polls#hrmm... a little poll perhaps.. about a subject I find interesting.. since this image came across my facebook today#still really not feeling that well. no longer shaking violently and such but I still feel weird and weak much more than usual#They did say my markers for like infection or inflammation were elevated but that they werent sure of the cause so hopefully#it's nothing too serious. they did also say a lot of different things can cause that thing to be higher than normal but didn't go into spec#fics of what. maybe some of them are relatively benign or something. I still havent felt much back to normal since#I got really sick that one time though. I feel fine on and off but then little bouts of feeling weird and sick happen. hrmmm#ANYWAY.. looking for small ways to be productive. such as little doodles on evil ipad or editing game videos#or posting polls or cat pictures or some other like not very labor intensive things#I WISH I COULD FOCUS on writing HHRGGhh... I need to finish my game.. it would be so freeing.. a project that's been looming#over my head for like 5 years even though througouht that 5yrs I've probably spent a total of 3 months working on it lo.. ANYWAY#I still partially really cannot beleive that people CAN see stuff in their heads. There's always part of me that's thinking like. well mayb#e everyone DOES see the same exact thing but we just describe/conceptualize it so differently that we think we're talking about#different things when we're really not. But I have been assured by people I've talked to about it that they can GENUINELY really see#stuff in their heads like as vivid as an actual picture in real life or something. And the other senses are neat too. Like for exmaple I#can hear in my head much better than I can see imagery. I still CANNOT hear vividly like as if I were listening to actual music out loud..#but I think it's developed more than my sight. AND interesting how this varies the creative process. a friend I was talking to on the phone#said they write by literally just watching stuff play before them like a movie. where my process is COMPLETELY different. AND that affects#the content/what details we focus on as well as our individual styles of writing have differences that can be traced back to that.. hrmm
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joining the war on autism on the side of the autism etc etc
#i’m never drawing again i swear (lie) (i enjoy suffering)#n harmonia#natural harmonia gropius#zekrom#pokémon#pokemon#pokemon black and white#pokémon black and white#pkmn bw#pokemon bw#my art#bw#AAHHHHGHGGGHGH blorbo. i’m very tired but like#i have to commemorate every game i play!#i would say i am this guy’s biggest fan but i’m like 13 (14?) years late to this party i know i’m not#i haven’t even put scratched the surface of blorboposting yet i’ve seen some wild and good stuff out there i gotta step up my game#hope this looks ok i was kinda rushing to get it done while it’s still february lol#(i have a self imposed rule that i have to draw at least one thing a month)#zekrom can be wildly too small to scale. as a treat. i needed it to fit in the frame LOL#i’m quite proud of this i think. we’ll see how tomorrow’s me feels!#usually i regret posting something immediately after finishing it esp when late at night but as i said i’m rushing lol#one of the first pokémon i’ve ever drawn and it’s a Complicated Legendary. goody#but like look at my boy n right#[edit: fixed a few minor issues]
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Cuno should join Hardie boys in the future not RCM btw my unpopular hot take opinion thingie.
#disco Elysium#geym#harry and cuno art is cutee#but there is nothing happy in joining rcm i cant see anything but depression in cunos future if he becomes a detective#soo he should join Hardie boys they have their own problems but its actually very much better#like whole game it is already so fucked up playing as harry and seeing how being a cop is so miserable#and even with kim the good cop who trust the system so badly is miserable because he is a cop#and now you want me to believe cuno would be happy if he joins the rcm#plus Cunoesse i dont want her to be alone and her bestie being a pig#i really dont like rcm every time i interact with them with radio or in whirling its dreadful#martinese can be not so healthy environment but compared to rcm its just more hopeful and less dreadful actually#there is still small things in life that makes you happy there some freedom and hope#anyways tldr nooo cuno don't be a pig and hardie boys >>> rcm#now sleepy time for me
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It's the 6 month anniversary of this blog! Check out these cool bugs I found.
(EDIT: Check out this amazing fanart by thecornermushroom!)
Part 2 - Part 3
#poorly drawn mdzs#mdzs#hollow knight#mdzs au#mdzs hollow knight AU#way too many characters to tag#'OP why?' Listen... It was either this or a Homestuck crossover. Which is still on the table btw. I've put thought into it.#Speaking of putting thought into things...I have put two full asses of effort into this. So I'm gonna talk about it in the tags.#I mapped all the major sects to hallownest clans and drew *way* more than just the characters shown here#More pertinently not shown are the Nies - Who are beetles!#The mantis clan has a lot of crossover with the Nies given the lore but I Love Mantis Wangji and you cant take him away from me.#wwx was a moth solely for his ties to Baoshen sanren (nearly forgotten sect & nearly forgotten clan)#but (HOLLOW KNIGHT SPOILERS) the ties to her radiance and the infection made for some very fun parallels#YLLZ moth 100% is puppeting husks around#JGS is a pale king expy becuase...you know....lots of children...#it also gives me a great excuse to explain wwx's soul taking mxy's body.#Still have lots and lots to say but I'm already running late! More funny - less specific to a very small population - comics to morrow!#This was more or less a style study and I learned a lot!#Thank you all for an awesome 6 months B*) You guys have pushed my way more out of my shell (pun intented) than I would-#-have ever gone had I just hidden away like I usually do. Thanks for all the support even with silly things like this <3
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Finished themmm
Accidentally
I planned on going to bed early as a celebration, but then I looked at my unfinished pf of Siffrin in the sketchbook and boom couple of hours of sketching, lining and coloring and the beans are now officially paper figured
I can now randomly take photos of them in a forest whenever I feel like it. I have couple pfs on me every day just in case of this happening
#fanart#my art#paper figures#isat#isat siffrin#isat loop#siffrin#loop#in stars and time#Are you ready for me to break it to you? No?#That scene on the laptop? A screenshot#It is a recent one tho#I replayed that hangout just before finishing act 3 for the achievement that required act 4#But I did pretty much play like that#God just thinking about my first playthrough try on this fills me with anxiety#I was so scared it would be the only time they get to talk before actually playing through the game normally#Preparing for bed found me two coins I guess those two really are coin magnets#I actually did Siffrin's hat at least at line-color but I'm still figuring out how to get them to wear it#I THINK I have an idea tho#But anyway#it's 3:30 am#They're also so tiny#Like I worried they'd be too big so now they're pretty average-small next to my last ones#Drawing pf of Loop was actually a really random idea and getting them to mirror Siffrin's pose wasn't hard to think of#I don't usually draw characters facing the other way tho it was weird#The funniest thing was me forgetting Siffrin's eyepatch until the very end while being perfectly aware of making Loop's eyes different colo#That moment of realization was funny just as much as terrifying
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