#it’s so stupid but it works so well I don’t know what conclusion to draw

[minu-moni]

My red flags to identify shitty people in the Homestuck fandom that are really superficial but have never failed me to this day

— Doesn’t like Gamzee

— Has davekat as their OTP

— Doesn’t like gamkar

— Is an anti (but that’s just a red flag in general)

— Doesn’t believe Homestuck might have racist and ableist elements

— Behaves like Caliborn

[firstkanaphans]

Safe House, Season 4: FK moments you might have missed (Day 2)

At the start of the afternoon session, FK are playing board games with Perth and Chimon. First leaves to film an ad and while he’s gone, the other three figure out how to work this game(?) whose only purpose seems to be to shock you. As soon as First returns, Khaotung insists he stick his hand on the device to get shocked as well. 

I’ve included the video below because it’s just too adorable not to share and although I couldn’t find a word-for-word translation, I can understand them well enough to get the gist. Khaotung tells First that it doesn’t hurt, but First doesn’t believe him, so Khaotung says he’ll prove it. He places his own hand on the machine and then pretends to be shocked. First accuses him of lying and then chases him around the room shouting “I’m not stupid!”

The afternoon challenge was musical chairs. Here you can see FK dancing to the music.

They both lasted pretty far into the challenge, but First was eventually eliminated and Khaotung followed immediately after. I don’t mean to imply that Khao got himself eliminated on purpose, but considering this was them two seconds later, I'll let you draw your own conclusions…

At the start of the evening session, everyone went outside for a swimming challenge, which First couldn’t participate in because of the cast on his arm. That didn’t stop him from trying to push Khaotung into the pool, though. 

(I know it’s blurry and there’s a pole right in front of their faces, but it’s them. Trust me.)

Once the challenge was over, everyone else stayed outside to play in the water, but Khaotung chose to go inside with First where First helped him blow dry his hair.

(The way you can see Khaotung smiling at First in the mirror 🥹)

Then they went to play video games together where they were eventually joined by the rest of the cast.

After dinner, Khaotung decided to make sausages for the house. Tumblr won’t let me attach more than one video, but this timestamp should take you to the moment where First tells Khaotung that he’s making too many and then you hear Khaotung whisper something along the lines of, “This way we can sneak back in and eat more later tonight.”

The making of the sausages is also what precipitates the now infamous “Khaotung nalak ja” moment, which I’m sure everyone has already seen. A full translation of that can be found here.

And that's it for day 2! I'll be back soon with Day 3 🧡

[dukeofdelirium]

Don't you think it's funny and sad, when someone who have finished Death Note said : "I can't understand those who ship Light and L. It's just rivalry and bromance. Clearly Light is straight and L is ace"

It’s funny, sad but most of all it’s just kind of embarrassing that they didn’t pick up on any of the subtext 😂 especially when it’s so well known atp considering the majority of the fandom are lawlight shippers. like we’re a 20 year old fandom.. this is well established lol.

Light is canonically not straight 😭 he is literally repulsed by every woman that he has to form relationships with and he internally recoils from it

And I’m also so sick of idiots being like “L is autistic coded. So he has to be ace!” as if autistic ppl don’t feel sexual desire or something lol. Literally infantilizing him like it’s so stupid and insulting. I’ve also seen them say Light HAS to be ace bc he isn’t attracted to women lmao… honey he’s gay. Gay as in homosexual. What’s not clicking? The subtext exists

Also “I don’t understand why ppl ship L and Light” what is there that you don’t get about it????? The entire story revolves around their relationship lmao. It’s literally what makes DN interesting and what draws people into the story at all. Their dynamic, the way they play on each other, the way they interact is so interesting and entertaining and written in such a way that it is extremely easy to imagine it as something more. The story had an entire arc dedicated to depicting a relationship that could’ve been on more civil terms, the author confirmed Light would have worked alongside L without the DN in an AU, it’s not hard to imagine they would’ve become great friends or lovers in such a world… in fact, it’s really the only conclusion I think anyone should come to lol. Lawlight has an inherent tragic vibe to it, a particular sense of melancholy because you know they could be something more but the narrative will not allow for it to happen and yes I think Ohba wrote it like that intentionally

Anyway… I think they should make out sloppy

[hisfluer]

Hi!!!! I hope you don’t mind answering and if you need more context, I can give it but any tips for worshipping Lucifer?

hello hello! oh, i love to answer questions! i don't get to talk about him a lot so i really had a lot to say, haha! this got so long. tl;dr at the bottom!

i can give you what i have and if you need more direction or have more questions, let me know! my dms are open!

let me start off by saying that my specific approach to lucifer is specific to me. the way i view him might be different from the way that you see him. keep an open mind! he might appear to you in a way you were not expecting and it might take away to understand.

the way i worship is through action and prayer. and i know these things work because when i don't do them, i feel myself falling apart. it is incredibly important for me to make time to pray, make time for action, make time and space for him to visit with me.

prayer, i think, is pretty self-explanatory. if you'd like me to go into it with more specifics, i can.

i think the number one tip i can give you is to ... learn who he is to you. what is drawing you to him? rebellion? or perhaps knowledge. is it as a breaker of chains or as someone who is fallen? freedom? enlightenment? i think it's important to know this, know why you're seeking in order to find the answers. ( i highly suggest journaling this out, it might help bring a sharper insight to where you are and why you're seeking. )

& sit with him. invite him in with a single candle ( or approximate ) and linger in that space with him. when he comes to your mind, what do you think about? what's the image you see? do you have something like that that you can bring to the next session? for me, it was apples. when i thought about lucifer, i thought about apples. when i decided to approach him, i brought an apple.

one of the first things he told me in my asking to know more about him was to ask him. if the answers that he gave me did not suffice, i could go looking for more but i was to draw my conclusions from him first. with eros or hermes, i had a basic knowledge of their myths that allowed me to seek them out for specific things but i didn't have that with lucifer. i knew the basics about the morning star, the pride of the fall, and that he was the father of lies. there was nothing about him as a figure of worship, only as a figure to be reviled.

so, he was asking me to see him as he came to me without the stories of everyone else. if i didn't like the answers, i was free to look for them but i never did. ( well, i did but purely out of curiosity to see what others were saying. i didn't look until i knew what i believed and what i didn't and i wasn't going to be swayed by what i learned. and i discovered some things that i didn't agree with and some that verified my interactions. )

lucifer, to me, appears as a figure of knowing. in my understanding of him, i combine his mythos together as an ancient figure from rome with the father of lies and the christian canon that was put on him. this is because i resonate very strongly with him being cast down. he's the only remnant of that faith that i keep but i don't fully associate him with it. he isn't purely a christian figure, he was made to play a role. and to me, it's in the breaking of these roles, these chains, these assumptions and knowing himself is where i find my strength.

i went through most of my life thinking i was stupid. i never made good grades, i always felt i couldn't contribute to the conversations, book intelligence was valued over everything growing up and i always felt like i could never be 'smart'. but i love to learn, i love to read, i love to know about the secret ways of the world. i love to hear the secrets, i love to find them and lucifer helped encourage me to do that without taking on the stories of others.

knowledge, awareness, knowing the ways people both use you and help you, these are the things i go to him for. he is the knowing of ones strength and the knowing of how to better oneself to use it. it's seeing through the stories and revealing the truth of it. as the morning star, he brings forth the light despite the darkness. as a figure of hate, he is also a figure of love. he is the one that i seek when i feel lost. he is the star to guide me forward — but not in that he solves my problems but that he tells me to look for the solutions and if i can't find any, how do i open my eyes more in order to see them. he guides me towards knowing, towards fulfillment, towards bettering myself so that no one can put a story on me that i don't agree with.

through action, which in this case is through learning, i am able to show him my worship. i am able to show him that i am taking him and his lessons and his guidance to heart and that is how i worship him.

beyond that, set a small place for him with a candle and linger there. you're not summoning him, you're not asking him to be there, you're just showing him that you are there. i do that by action but it might be that you should journal and that is what draws you closer to him. it might be music, snails, the holy figure of the rabbit, trees, or it might be through something else entirely. it is your experience and your unique perspective is what he is drawn to and it will be that through which he will speak to you.

an apple to me is different from an apple to you. it might not mean the same thing or have similar connotations. why would he use an apple to you if they have no significance in your life? it might be the peach or the pomegranate that inspires him to you.

my tips aren't a list because worship and relationships with the spirit and divine are so incredibly personal. listen to what the god is saying to you and, if it agrees with your spirit, follow through. if it feels like you must pray, pray. if it feels like you should light a candle for a week, do that. if it feels like you should read or take a class, do so. it doesn't have to be elaborate. your worship can be as simple as getting sweaty outside in the garden or as complex as a ceremonial ritual of devotion! it is so personal and not something i can really direct you in. it might be as simple as "i'm brushing my teeth for you, dark lord!" and if that satisfies your spirit, that's all you need to do.

if you want to talk about it more or if you have more question, feel free to dm me!

TL;DR: my tip is to get personal with him and he'll direct you the way you should go to follow his path.

[mikhailwrites]

Waiting for Connection 8 / Ghost x Soap NerdAU

Ghost is retired and plays milsim videogame. Soap is still in the force and sometimes plays that same videogame...

This is a bit of a mid-chapter, there will be a full chapter today as well - Soap and Ghost finally meeting face to face - but this was just... way too fun to write not to share.

Previous chapter | AO3

“Sooo,” Gary drags the chair closer, causing it to screech on the floor, earning several annoyed grunts from the other soldiers in the rec room. Soap looks up from his sketchbook, eyebrow questioningly raised. “Gonna confess, or do I have to work for it?”

“What are you on about, Roach?” Soap puts the sketchbook down before reaching for the mug on the table. He takes a sip, grimacing at the taste of the coffee.

“Ghost,” Roach clarifies.

Soap sighs; he should’ve seen this coming. “What about him?”

“Oh, I don’t know,” Gary stares at him in disbelief, “how about you being totally smitten with him? Or the fact that he seems to be equally smitten with you?”

“What the hell? What are you talking about?” Soap straightens, brows knitted together and posture clearly defensive.

“Mate…,” Gary shakes his head. “Alright. Let’s not address your obvious crush on a man you’ve never even seen.”

“Gonna see him on Saturday,” Soap says and belatedly realises he just gave Roach a bloody bazooka.

Gary stares at him for a second, wide-eyed, before his face blooms into a shit-eating grin. “Are you, now?”

Soap runs a hand through his mohawk. Well, in for a penny and all that, he thinks. “Aye. It’s along the way to Glasgow. We’re just going to grab a pint or two, and I’ll be on my way.” He doesn’t mention that he usually takes a plane to Glasgow. He is actually going out of his way to see Ghost. But Roach definitely doesn’t need to know that.

“John…,” Gary leans to John, suddenly much more serious, “when was the last time you had friends outside the military?”

“He’s ex-military,” Soap objects.

“Answer the question, Sergeant,” Roach presses on.

Soap squirms a little, gaze dropping on the table. “Before I enlisted.”

“I’m not trying to talk you out of it, mate, just… be careful, alright?”

“I’m SAS, Roach,” Soap says a little defensively. He doesn’t need Roach to babysit him.

“I’m not talking about your physical safety. Anyway… we should also talk about that callsign of his.”

“It’s just a nickname for the game,” Soap shrugs.

“Jesus wept… remind me never to let you have my six again! You would probably shoot me in the back yourself, what with how daft you are! Look, I’ve spent one evening playing a stupid game with him to see that he owns that callsign. So either he’s a pretentious prick who took a callsign of only one of the fucking legends of SAS, or…,” Roach trails off, gesturing for Soap to draw his own conclusions.

“Yer not serious… he’s not…,” Soap shakes his head, “he can’t be…,” then he looks up at Garry with something akin to panic in his eyes. “Can he?”

Lieutenant Kyle “Gaz” Garrick was enjoying his book in the rec room in peace. Until he heard a single word uttered that dragged his attention from the words on the paper to words spoken not far from him. That word being, of course, Ghost.

Gaz doesn’t want to eavesdrop on his men, but it’s hard to let go once the callsign registers. And so he listens, and the more he hears, the harder it is to keep quiet and low-key. When Ghost asked to meet, Kyle knew something was up, especially since he was willing to come to London.

At first, Gaz thought it was just Ghost being paranoid and overly cautious about someone he had spent more than ten minutes with, which was pretty normal for Ghost. But the glint in his eyes when Gaz confirmed Soap is SAS? The momentary panic when Gaz implied Ghost likes Soap? Knowing what he knows now, Gaz can barely keep his face straight. Oh, this is going to be so much fun.

When John pauses to think whether Ghost can really be The Ghost, Kyle gets up and leaves the room. Gaz is really proud of himself because he manages to get all the way outside the building before he breaks into laughter. A bunch of recruits and some lower officers look at him with some bewilderment before scurrying away.

[stromuprisahat]

Alina and the Darkling’s interactions, pt. 14

(But also a bit of Malina drama and the Darkling’s qualities of a decent leader.)

Siege and Storm- Chapter 3

Twice a traitor, twice deserter, murderer of her fellow soldiers, staying in a comfy private cabin, fed, allowed to see her beloved fellow deserter... What a life!

I feel like there’s a step missing. Alina doesn’t know about the Sea Whip and its properties, yet she “figured out” the Darkling wants the amplifier for her. Based only on the assumption he’s insane and what’s more nuts than two amplifiers?! Good thing she’s the MC, so it works...

Remember, children: Even a person prone to jumping to conclusions can occasionally land on the correct one!

It’s madness, I told myself. He wouldn’t dare attempt it. The thought brought me little comfort. He always dared.

One of the Darkling’s best qualities. If there’s a way, he’ll try it.

Stupid? Yes. Gullible? I’m sure the Darkling would wish so.

“Someone less stubborn? Less selfish? Less hungry for the life of a mouse? Believe me,” he said, “I wish I could.”

The Darkling’s often accused of wanting Alina weak and malleable, but the text shows quite the opposite! He wants confident Queen, only more open-minded and compassionate. He wants her proud and powerful, but helpful to Ravka and Grisha alike.

A Grisha can have only one ampifier. You told me that yourself.

No, he did not:

“If we have any hope of destroying the Fold, we need the stag’s power.”

“But maybe if I had one to practice with—”

“You know it doesn’t work that way.”

“I do?”

He frowned. “Haven’t you been reading your theory?”

The Darkling lets Alina draw a conclusion, but he doesn’t say she cannot get an amplifer, because she couldn’t have the Stag otherwise. I can see three possible reasons, all probably true.

a.) There’s no need for her to know about the rest yet.

b.) Alina’s main problem is lack of training, no skill. Amplifier for practice would only increase that power she cannot control.

c.) Why waste perfectly good amplifier on someone, who’s getting another?

I don’t understand why is the Darkling explaining anything to Alina. She’s obviously not willing to cooperate, yet he’s still schooling her. Somehow not giving up on her...

I thought of the books I’d read on Grisha theory.

So, like three?

Alina sounds like a spoiled brat. I want, I want, I want! This is the main character in a world full of wars and suffering. Her tantrum reminds me of a certain evil step sister from a certain Russian fairy tale...

When we’re there, the irony of the antagonist being the one to set aside his desires to achieve what’s more beneficial for others is also something else...

Back to insulting the antagonist right in his face... because it’s the most mature reaction to disagreement and the safest way to persuade him not to kill your beloved LI.

You can’t control the Fold. It has to be destroyed.

... I know, because I’ve studied merzost for centuries like half an hour, when YOU were using it in front of me! Strategy for even longer, because that’s in every map maker’s poor, poor orphan’s curriculum!

I love when the Darkling’s rational about Alina’s usefulness.

Alina once again assumes her precious Malyen’s gonna get hurt, even though the Darkling just told her how much he’d love to do it, but can’t... They’re both treated far better than they should’ve been, yet Alina’s first thought is death and torture. Just like back in the day, when the Darkling dare to ask about her day...

Like a fool.

Alina’s self-criticism's well deserved, but for different reasons than she wants us to believe. She’s not some defenceless victim surrounded by enemies, she’s merely close to facing consequences of her own reckless actions.

fool1/fuːl/

noun: fool; plural noun: fools

1. a person who acts unwisely or imprudently; a silly person.

And there’s nothing silly about her, or about anything she caused so far.

Aleksander’s done with her hysteria, but (un)fortunately possesses inhuman amount of self-control.

17 y/o voice: It’s a fairy tale. A children’s story. It doesn’t actually exist. I would know. I got out of our tiny village like a year ago...

“Like the stag?”

“... or my sister? Oh, my mother didn’t mention her, when unearthing family dirt? She IS a mermaid, btw...”

I just have to add this thread...

Let’s make infinitesimal a new effervescent!

Mal glanced at me. I gave an infinitesimal shake of my head.

Totally unexpected, and surely unnoticed by any Corporalki... but a moment later, the Darkling threatens to torture Alina and make Ivan heal her. Does it mean they don’t have any Healers with them? They would be less likely to survive and escape to join their general, if we use the “selfless doctor” stereotype to explain. Less used to combat, probably protecting their patients... Non-warriors are always easiest to kill.

Another proof the Darkling doesn’t enjoy cruelty or torture. He certainly knows when to use it, or threaten to do so, but never with other way at hand. Also, as a decent leader, he won’t have his people do something he’s not willing to do himself.

How doesn’t anyone find this suspicious? I’d thought Sturmhond has a reputation to uphold. ... and not one of the knight in shining armour!

I also need to link this amazing AU, where Sturmhond has the balls to act like a ruthless pirate.

The Darkling casually dismisses Sturmhond’s objection, to focus on matter at hand- namely persuading melodramatic couple to cooperate, since neither of them's willing to see the other harmed in any way. There’s no need to cease his actions, because unlike Sturmhond he’s aware they will never get to the torture.

He doesn’t waste time or breath on Sturmhond or his crew. They can be dealt with later, when Malina’s not present. The Darkling doesn’t show or tolerate disunity on the ship in front of the prisoners.

He uses theatrics to stall and unsettle Malyen. I have a suspicion that even the fact he’s touching Alina’s enough to bother the tracker.

They’re so easy! There’s not even a scratch yet, and Malyen breaks! It’s probably supposed to show how much does Alina matter to him, but heroes should struggle, not cave in as soon as someone pulls out a knife! This way they look incredibly weak and I don’t understand, why should reader root for them.

I know this is supposed to be Mal putting Alina’s well-being first, but he reads like a spineless coward.

The Darkling’s pretty generous for an insane megalomaniac, isn’t he? A week was Sturmhond’s first suggestion. Is it partly to appease him?

This is just PATHETIC.

I feel like I’m reading Rosamunde Pilcher, not ‘chosen one’ kind of fantasy. I guess I understand noble silent suffering more than constant screaming of each other’s names.

They DO love their drama....

All previous parts.

[that-left-turn]

I break a plot while I write a different story, so this teaser snippet is something I’m considering turning into a fic. (Not before Stick Figures is done.)

···

He eyes her speculatively while she's still hunched over the filthy tub. He’s pretty sure it’s not food poisoning, or the flu. Carol doesn’t get sick. In the couple of years that he’s known her, Rick hasn’t seen her catch as much as a sniffle. But, she’s been strange for a while and he doesn’t like where his conclusion leads.

“You okay?” he asks as she wipes the corner of her mouth with the back of her hand.

“Yeah,” she says, straightening up. “It just smells funny here.”

His brow furrows. “Uh-huh.”

The stench of the dead or a fresh kill has never bothered Carol before, but this is the second time Rick’s witnessed her tossing her proverbial cookies in the last few weeks. She looks pale, her skin almost translucent apart from the the bloom of pink on her cheeks, the same color as the roses on her 1980’s mom sweater.

Their secret meetings by the decrepit cabin outside the community are a necessity, but it’s hard for all three of them to get away without drawing attention from either the Alexandrians or their own group and now it looks like their arrangement will get even more complicated. Carol won’t be invisible—she’ll turn into town gossip in a world without soap opera or reality TV.

He wonders how long it will take for Daryl to work out what’s going on and if the other man will kill him when he does. Daryl’s been protective of Carol, at least since the highway en route to wherever they thought they were going, if not before then. That was why Rick waited until Daryl left for his scavenging mission before he exiled Carol from the prison. He would’ve lost the muscle, survival know-how and all the wild game the hunter provided for the community if he hadn’t, because Daryl would’ve left with Carol.

Because Daryl knows right from wrong. Knows you don’t send a woman out on her own in this world, even if you give her some provisions and a couple of gas canisters to make yourself feel like you’re a good guy, that you’re in the right. Bad things happen out there. Especially to women, and Carol’s already been through enough bad shit to last a lifetime. She doesn’t deserve...

“I’m pretty good with babies.” The words are out of his mouth before his brain catches up to what he’s saying. Carol looks startled for about half a second, opening her mouth as if to say something but then just... doesn’t.

Daryl comes into view, approaching from the woods and Rick sighs. Time to focus on the most pressing concern, how to get into the armory. He’ll think about what to do about Carol and how to avoid Daryl’s ire later.

···

So, late S5 dark(ish) babyfic AU...? This is the canon arc where we see Carol lose faith in her own humanity and Daryl reverts back into an outsider—the Gimple era of Caryl estrangement. The dark elements in my fic would come from the emotional arc, not external physical foes.

Rick would be a main character alongside Carol and Daryl because there are so many juicy things from his arc which would have an impact: his guilt over Sophia, his treatment of Lori during her unexpected and unwanted pregnancy, as well as Carol’s banishment and the verbal cruelty Rick heaped on her before sending her off while Carol still saved both his children, at her own cost.

I just don’t think that I’ve earned enough reader trust (yet) for Caryl fans to choose to read this story. A friend suggested that I add a poll because people feel less exposed when it’s anon and I can see her point, so I will despite feeling stupid about “soliciting.” Consider yourselves my focus group? 🙃

Thanks for reading the snippet, whether you choose to engage or not. I appreciate it (hope you enjoyed!) and your potential help in deciding if to plot this fic.

[vanderwoodlings]

blairenate hc's?

Okay well 1) read and it’s ever present everywhere by @strideofpride

2) Blair and Serena know each other before they know Nate. For like ten minutes. Neither of them remember this, but he always does—the two of them sitting together has been photocopied over and over through his memory until the image of it has faded away and all is left is the fact. Maybe they weren’t even sitting. Maybe they were outside. He doesn’t know

The thing about having two hot best friends and being bisexual is that there’s a natural conclusion to draw here. One would think Serena avoided the “I just saw Blair and Nate kissing and I don’t know how to feel about how I felt about it” fueled crisis but the truth is she had so many other crises running at the same time that her efforts to make sure no one noticed didn’t even have to be good to work

Nate and Serena are both… they’re both genuinely nice, if not genuinely good at all times. Blair picked them because of that, because back when they were little, Serena was the sun around which their kindergarten turned and Nate was still blond enough to be all the stars trailing after her. Sometimes she regrets latching onto them

Blair used to read Nate poetry, back in middle school—it started with an English assignment that just wouldn’t even out in front of his eyes, that he needed to memorize but he couldn’t get the words right in the first place, and she’d picked it up and asked if his ears were still functioning. Love poetry, sometimes, which still makes him laugh at how oblivious he was, and a lot of stuff he thought was stupid, but there are reams of it locked away in his head that still play back sometimes. You do not have to walk on your knees, he tells himself a lot, and it sounds like her

Serena and Nate would practice out on the school fields together, after everyone else went home, Eric and Blair sitting together on the bleachers. Neither of them (none of them) wanted to go home, Nate to too much and Serena to too little. So they’d do drills that carried over despite the rule changes between girls and boys lacrosse, and judge each other’s form, and run sprints until they were dripping with sweat and the sun was going down. Sometimes, on the really bad days, Serena would tell Nate she was coming to his place, and he’d nod and smile and pretend she was doing him a favor and not the other way around, and she would love him so fiercely it ached

Blair has never been able to explain exactly what it is Serena means to her. She says best friend and she means it but there’s a million other things there, ones she doesn’t know how to put to words when her (adult, post-college, post-everything) friends raise their eyebrows and give her those half-pitying looks that say they wonder why she does all of this. She thinks of Serena waiting for her, coming back for her, the never-still center of the universe seeking out Blair’s hand to hold her up, and she figures the least she can do is the same

[the-scottish-costume-guy]

I would love to read your essays on the Barbie movie

Okay so to do a proper essay I'd need to watch the movie again a few times and it'd take me weeks if not months - in all likelihood I will not be able to convince anyone to publish it. That said my partner really wants me to write something so maybe I'll make the time. Until then: an extended kinda analytical review: WARNING: spoilers ahead:

Whenever looking at a movie like this its important to establish the genre and genre conventions before doing any analysis. The Barbie movie is a comedy, its satirical, and it’s a feelgood movie made by a corporation. Some of my gripes with this movie are personal taste, some are flaws inherent in these genres or production means, please take everything I say as personal opinion. (I say this because I have noticed people taking my opinions as law because of what I study before and please don’t’ they are just opinions.)

The Barbie movie could be analysed with a queer lens, and a feminist one. Queer theory is more my area, but the parts I’m going to be talking about often overlap with feminist theory. I’m not going to talk so much about the opening, but I will talk a bit about character. Following Stereotypical Barbie is a good choice for the film as it lets us analyse some parts of toxic femininity. This is more subtle than the films analysis of toxic masculinity, but it is present. The non-normative Barbie is ‘Weird Barbie’ according to the others, and nobody wants to talk to her. Our Barbie is ‘malfunctioning’ because she has thoughts that are wrong, her day isn’t perfect, her body isn’t perfect, and she doesn’t want to open her mind and do the work to change – she wants to stay the same. Non-conformance is undesirable. ‘Weird Barbie’ is unwanted and alone while the others have girls night every night and are beloved by Ken. The film doesn’t analyse this too far beyond a brief statement at the end that things shouldn’t go back to the way they are, and an apology to ‘weird Barbie’. I do think its interesting that the scene where Barbie is ‘malfunctioning’ is one of the only times her outfit isn’t pink. Instead she’s in blue. Blue is a colour that to my memory wasn’t used much in the film – and it did well serving to make our Barbie stand out in that scene. So obviously Stereotypical Barbie goes on her journey and discovers things about herself and others – learns the world isn’t perfect. I don’t know how I feel about the conclusion of her becoming human at the end. I understand the thought process here – Stereotypical Barbie can’t exist as she is, her perfection is unattainable. She needs to become human because Barbie does need to reflect humans more, its why there have been so many variations over the years. That said it felt cheesy, the montage about understanding what being human means felt hollow and empty – I remember a lot of women and girls laughing and playing, I do not remember grief, failure in amongst the success. If the warning is “understand what it means to be human” I would have expected the good and the bad together. I know there are differing opinions on the concluding scene, but I personally think it was a misstep. Having Barbie becomes real = Barbie gets a vagina, felt like it went counter to the previous message of “Human isn’t something I have to ask for, its just something I realise I am one day.” Barbie already became real because of her thoughts and feelings, making her have a vagina at the end felt weirdly essentialist.

Now, onto the Kens.

The Kens are a great example of what one author (Jack Halberstam if you want to find them) I’ve been reading calls ‘Kinging’. They draw the term from Drag Kings, as a parody of masculinity – a bit earnest at times, but often exaggerating and playing off masculinity for comedic effect. The examples they give in their book include Austin Powers – but honestly this movie feels like the best example. The Kens are childlike, they’re a bit stupid and at least at times well meaning. Our Ken learns about the patriarchy but doesn’t understand what it means and brings it back to Barbie Land anyway. The inversion of reality to Barbieland is an interesting one – the Ken are too reactive and too stupid for politics – something the film barely comments on or analyses beyond a tongue in cheek joke about the kens one day having as much power as women do in the real world. I don’t think this is a bad thing, inversion for the sake of a statement is fine – and if men watching don’t understand that ‘of course men aren’t actually like ken’ is the point that’s on them. Also ‘I’m just Ken’ has been in my head for a solid day now. There could be a discussion about how “Sugar Daddy Ken” and “Magic Earring Ken” were not subscribing to the instated patriarchy Our Ken brings back from the real world. I’m not sure if this was a good choice or not, very ‘Ladies and gays’ moment. That said the ‘Weird’ Barbies and Kens do have to break the normal Barbies out of their brainwashing so I suppose its more of a commentary on counter cultures recognising the flaws of society? Now onto where I really think the movie fell flat. The CEO and board of Mattel. For the Kens, being stupid, bumbling and a bit over the top made sense – they’re dolls. For the board of Mattel it came off much more as ‘if we make this funny its less threatening’ when actually no it should be threatening? In reality the board has one less woman then men, though the company is still predominantly male. This whole running gag just sat badly with me. It really felt like “no no no the corporation is harmless, honest.” At the end of the day nothing changes in the real world – and again I get that’s part of the point, the real world takes more work than one imagination and one movie. But our lead, real women don’t even seem to be that empowered by their experiences? Its implied that one remains at her day job and the other, although having a better relationship with her mother, doesn’t see the real world any differently. Theres a little bit of an element of ‘whats the point’ that feels counter to the films message. I’m probably being just cynical here – again change is slow, change takes communal effort. Finally, although touched on the film could have done much more to look at its own consumerist message. Its kind of a throw away line – and that Barbie is unattainably perfect is ‘solved’ by one request for an ordinary Barbie which Mattel agrees to because ‘it will sell’. The film barely grapples with this which is a shame because given how much of the rest of the film had really interesting dialogue on society, gender and personal identity, I think they could have done some interesting things with consumerism and capitalism. Anyway this is just from one watch through and a bit of time to think, I’d need a lot more time to solidify some of these ideas and work out a full analysis (ideally with more costume elements involved).

[adamwatchesmovies]

Time Trap (2017)

Time Trap is an honest effort from directors Ben Foster and Mark Dennis, who clearly have enthusiasm for this story. Unfortunately, the film never lives up to its potential. We spend so much time with characters who are stupider than we are that you'll become bored and frustrated waiting for them to catch up to you.

Professor Hopper (Andrew Wilson) has been searching for his missing parents and sister for years. After discovering their abandoned vehicle, he claims to have solved the mystery of what happened to them. When he vanishes as well, his students - Taylor (Reiley McClendon), Jackie (Brianne Howey), and Cara (Cassidy Gifford), her sister Veeves (Olivia Draguicevich), and Veeves' friend Furby (Max Wright) go investigate the site.

As Professor Hopper enters a cavern near his parents’ van, he spots what looks like a cowboy, frozen still up ahead. Not frozen as in ice, frozen as in he doesn’t move. After taking a couple of steps, the rancher begins moving normally while the daylight behind Hopper flickers rapidly from light, to dark, light, to dark, over and over. What could it mean?

If you haven’t guessed, it’s pretty obvious when you see it in action. Professor Hopper has stepped through a time barrier. Inside, time passes by so slowly that to those watching outside, it looks like you’re standing still. The mystery is obvious even if you don’t know the film’s title. I realize the characters in the movie don’t know they’re in a movie but it takes them an eternity to put two and two together, even when they receive camera footage from Furby that show him wondering where they went, waiting for them to return overnight, and then descending into the same cave in which they disappeared even though to them, they've only been gone for a few minutes.

The problem isn’t that it takes long for the students to realize what they’ve walked into; it's that the film makes it too obvious to those watching. There’s plenty of strange happenings: ropes suddenly snapping, phones being unable to contact that surface, artifacts from the past in pristine condition, etc. In any other movie, these would draw you in. Here, they make you restless. Within minutes, it’s clear too much time has passed. Even if the party gets back to the surface, so much time has passed that everyone they know has been reduced to dusty bones and memories. Escape is almost pointless except for the fact that you can’t live underground.

Time Trap is 95 minutes long and it’s about an hour before the non-mystery steps aside so the plot can begin. It gets pretty silly and inconsistent from there. Magic is introduced for no reason except to force a happy ending in a movie that shouldn’t have one. Villains show up out of nowhere. The characters jump to wild conclusions. Meanwhile, you’re still stuck asking questions about this time cave. If the time barrier has been there for millions of years, shouldn’t the place be filled to the brim with random bugs and debris that’s been blown in by the wind? What about rain?

Time Trap is a concept and nothing more. It either needed to keep its cards closer to its chest - and even then, that ending desperately needed a re-write - or do something worthwhile with its idea of people forced into the future against their will. There’s got to be a movie that handles this idea better. Even if there isn’t, not enough about this film works for me to recommend it. (July 16, 2021)

[my-shields-are-down]

Not sure if you saw, but what do you think about OG The Rookie moving to Tuesdays directly against the OG FBI?

Feds is now against FBI International.

I did see that.

I am torn. I don’t know enough about the economics behind a show or the strategies that come into play when a network moves a show from one day/slot to another. So here we go..

On one hand FEDS was just renewed and it’s dying on the vine after 6 episodes.

Roughly 75% of it’s views are coming AFTER it airs - on Hulu or replays what-have-you. So while yes, when you include the after plays in your numbers, FEDS is doing ok. 6 million viewers roughly? Not bad.

But for it to be worth ABC’s wallet’s while, those first run numbers need to go way up for ABC to make money on the show (advertisers revenue). And one surefire way to do that, is to have the OG show be the lead in. I definitely think there might be some run-off, from the Rookie into FEDS if they were shown 1-2.

That strategy clearly works - just look at FBI Tuesdays, CHICAGO Wednesdays, LAW & ORDER Thursdays or GREY’S ANATOMY Thursdays. I just don’t know if the OG Rookie show is solid enough to be that for ABC on Tuesdays. Plus, the Rookie was bumped from Tuesday to Sunday because THEIR ratings were getting killed by CBS.

Plus Dick Wolf is a master of serial tv. His shows have dynamic casts, intricate, believable story lines, well paced episodes.

The Rookie on the other hand is not that. We’ve all bitched and moaned about the un-evenness of the writing, about too many unfocused stories or too few interesting ones. Blatantly promoting one character over another. You don’t hear those kinds of complaints about SVU which is in it’s 24th season and Mariska Hagerty - who is related to Hollywood royalty- hogging screen time. Mainly, I think because SVU focuses on the stories they tell, and less on the actors. If John Nolan was a dynamic, fun, sexy and charismatic character who had insane chemistry with his love interest, I for one wouldn’t bemoan his character having more screen or stupid story lines than all the actors with those characteristics. He’s just not written that way and I love Jenna Dewan, but I am not a fan of Bailey or Jailey. But maybe that won’t matter if John is blown up in the next episode.

So while the move should bump up FEDS, I think it could be detrimental to the OG Rookie show. Last week I was reading about the Rookie being a cash cow on Sunday nights. Granted they get bumped often because award shows or sporting events run long, but the show is making ABC some serious cash. Plus they are killing it in the ratings - being #1 against an NCSI show? No small feat. And, and there was mention of an early renewal for Season 6 - which is fantastic. But neither of those things are guaranteed to continue with a move back to Tuesday. Especially, when going up against the #1 show of the night (OG FBI) which draws in 7 million viewers.

I am working on being optimistic. But a little part of me thinks this move is a bad idea and could be a slap in the face to ABC. Then I think of all the effort ABC is making in support of FEDS with sucky up front views, that maybe The Rookie will survive a hit to their ratings.

Does the change happen in January? With the mid season finale conclusion? If so, how are they going to top blowing up John Nolan for the mid-season story?

======

OH WAIT - HOT OFF THE PRESSES, looks like ABC just sold The Rookie’s Sunday night slot to a (hopefully national) news show for $$$$$.

So the move has nothing to do with The Rookie, per se. in that case moving to Tuesday night makes sense.

I just hope it’s not conservative Clear Channel Communications bullshit spewing forth instead. Good thing I don’t watch the news .

[udon-udon]

Introspective post time  

One thing I seem to notice that I always come back to and makes me down is when I scroll through on Twitter and see someone I know get big numbers on their post, there’s a 50% chance (85% when I’m on my period PMS-ing) I would be like “Why can’t I have that/that happen to me”. 

But Udon, you don’t draw fan art/things that are popular, you don’t have super super pretty art, and you’ve come to the conclusion that you just want to draw art as a hobby and you’ll be drawing whatever you want, whenever you want. It’s hard to get big numbers unless a miracle happens. 

I’ve said I don’t care about numbers anymore. So why??? Do I, deep down, still care about clout? Does me wanting to be noticed/recognized = wanting clout? If so, there’s no way I can get clout with the way I go about with art. I’ve always and still am always fueled by Validation and Positive Reinforcement in more ways than just art (i’m like a DOG, dude, praise me and i’ll be the happiest bitch on earth). Is me wanting validation for my art = wanting clout? Is that in actuality what it actually is? Cause if it is, damn bitch fuhget about it. Like I said earlier, I don’t draw fan art/popular things. So Udon, you either draw popular things, or you shut up and entirely stop caring and actually stop caring about numbers/a dream that you never worked hard for/is not working hard towards. Stupid thing is I keep telling myself that, and I’ll always be like “OK!! YEAH I DON’T CARE ABOUT NUMBERS!!!” and then randomly one day it hits me again knowing that friends are doing really good!!! and I’m not hating on them don’t get me wrong, I’m just wondering why I can’t be apart of that.  Well, you can’t be apart of that because as mentioned earlier 1. You don’t draw fanart and/or 2. Your art isn’t super pretty or noteworthy. And it just becomes a vicious cycle, rinse and repeat. 

“OK!! YEAH!! I DRAW WHAT I WANT I DONT CARE ABOUT NUMBERS!!”

“-Sees people doing really good- -Gets sad and feels down-”

“Well, Udon, you don’t draw fanart and your art is not noteworthy enough so stop complaining and stop caring and stop being sad about it”

Repeat Steps 1-4

It makes me wonder if this cycle would stop if I stop drawing or even stop going on twitter (?) Would things be better and would i stop thinking this way if I stopped drawing altogether so I won’t have numbers/being noticed to worry about. 

Even back on deviantart/13 year old Udon days, I would daydream about woahhh having a lot of art friends and having a lot people like my art and always being like “ohoho that’d be so nice one day” but I still only kept drawing original art. LOOOL. Make it make sense, Udon. 

And it’s still carrying over now. I only draw original stuff or stuff no one cares about. I only draw what I want and things only I care about. I only want to draw things that really gets me riled up and excited, but nothing makes me feel that way easily anymore. For example, the new G Witch anime. Yuri!!! Yuri!! LESBIANS!! I love yuri. Definitely did pick the anime up even though I know nothing about gundam, but am I excited enough to draw the characters? No. I don’t feel the urge to draw them (er, well at least not now). Nothing gets me excited anymore. (Though I guess this is getting off topic) 

Anyway, bottom line is/TLDR: Udon has inner demons about wanting to draw stuff that she likes, but at the same time wanting clout/validation (which usually happens when you draw popular stuff instead of things that ppl don’t care about). Which doesn’t really work unless a miracle happens. It just seems like my mind is confused about what it truly wants and each side is contradicting the other hence making me go crazy about this topic all the time.

Perhaps I’m tunnel visioning. 

Maybe it all just stems from me wanting to be loved. 

[secret-diary-of-an-fa]

WARNING: IT LOOKS LIKE ELEVENLABS ARE TRYING TO SCAM THEIR FREE USERS

LEGAL BIT: Obviously, I can't make the claim that a large company like Elevenlabs are running an actual, legally-definable con without some clarification. I SUSPECT they're up to some shady shit, but you should read the assertions in the main article as forceful supposition not fact. I do not know them to be fact for certain and cannot claim otherwise. That said, you're not stupid and you can draw your own conclusions. Right, that's my arse covered. Now for the main article.

A lot of small creators nowadays use text-to-voice software to create narration for videos and other projects. I know, because I’m one of them. If you’re not well-off and live in a noisy or hectic environment, these newfangled text-to-voice thingies are an absolute lifesaver. Audio equipment broke down and you can’t afford to replace it? Text-to-voice is the best alternative you’re going to find at short notice. Trying to create content on a noisy council estate, in a busy local cafe or in your car between running errands? Text-to-voice means you don’t have to worry about background sounds. Just too tired to get your words out without turning them into verbal salad? Text-to-motherfucking-voice will see you reet, dawg. And, if you’re looking for TtV software to start a project, you’ll probably come across, and be very tempted by, Elevenlabs. They look great. They use cutting-edge AI to infer emotional tone, so when they read out the script you wrote, it sounds like an actual human is doing it. They have a solid selection of voices to choose from. And best of all, they offer a free plan with 10,000 characters per month, which isn’t a lot but is a real gift for creators who can’t afford to paid subscriptions. Sounds cushty, right? WRONG. Don’t make my mistakes. Don’t have anything to do with these fucking scamlords.

See, the problem is that creators on the ‘free’ subscription tier keep getting locked out of voice generation with a message that tells them ‘unusual activity has been detected’ and ‘the only way to regain access to voice generation is to upgrade to a paid subscription’. Now, Elevenlabs claim they’re trying to block people from using multiple accounts and that this is a necessary security measure. It isn’t. It can happen to anyone at any time, including first-time users who have never been near the site before, people who did have another free account but haven’t used it months because they lost the password (yo) and people who are just trying to create an account on the same computer as their friends or family. It doesn’t often trigger when a new account is created either, but often waits and springs the message and lockout on users who have been logging in and using the site a few times a day for awhile, essentially ambushing people mid-project. I know, because it’s exactly what happened to me. It basically means that, if you’re partway through a project that needs multiple narration files, you can either pay up or be forced to start over. And no, you can’t just create a new account, because the invasive bastards trace your IP address.

Let me spell it out for you: ELEVENLABS IS HOLDING THEIR FREE USERS PROJECTS TO RANSOM. IF YOU DON’T PAY THEM, YOUR WORK GETS LEFT UNFINISHED. THIS IS A SCAM. THEY ARE DELIBERATELY CREATING A SITUATION WHERE PEOPLE ON THE FREE SUBSCRIPTION TIER WILL BE FORCED TO PAY TO FINISH WORK THEY’VE STARTED.

At first, I thought it was just me being luckless with technology, but a quick google revealed dozens of similar stories littering Reddit and teh messageboards.

Now, it’s one thing for a software-as-a-service company not to offer a free tier. That’s their prerogative and, if you know you can’t afford a paid subscription, you just don’t sign up with those companies. It’s a completely different thing for a company to lure in users with a free subscription tier, then lock them out of their own work in the hope of extorting funds from them.

If you’re a creator and you’re thinking of signing up with Elevenlabs: don’t. They will rip you off.

If you’re a creator and you already have a free account with Elevenlabs: finish what you’re working on and then delete it. Or you will get ripped off.

If you’re a creator and you have a paid account with Elevenlabs: finish what you’re working on and then delete it. If they’re fucking over the free users now, it’s only a matter of time before they start fucking over their paying customers. That’s how companies work: if they think they can get away with something and it’ll yield a quick buck, they’ll fucking do it. Don’t be standing near them when the shit hits the fan.

If you’re not a creator, or you just don’t use TtV software, spread the word anyway. Because if you can’t benefit from a heads up, maybe your friends or their friends can. And also because fuck Elevenlabs for getting greedy and trying to scam their own users.

EDIT: I've somehow gotten back onto the site without any login credentials due to what appears to be a glitch. It looks like their knobby little "fuck you pay us" message actually triggered some sort of system error that allowed me to sneak back on unsuspected. Gotta hand it to corpo types. When they shoot themselves in the foot, they use a giant fuck-off space laser.

[cat-psychic]

Recently I’ve been taking a poetry class where we have to critique eachothers work, and I’ve noticed that almost every poem I’ve read has been sad. They’re all about social issues or discrimination or death or trauma. The only exceptions are poems about romantic love and desire, of which there have been two or three, but they’re still extraordinarily outclassed by the sad ones. Now love and death being the two most common subjects of poetry is a pretty well understood thing, and young adults who write poetry just being an edgy bunch is certainly part of it, but I think there’s something more going on here. 

I’ve taken enough lit classes to know that the books assigned in them do not tend to be happy ones. Anything near-contemporary you read is guaranteed to be depressing, and while a books age will sometimes let a wry, often political comedy sneak through, you’ll always be made to read it through such an analytical, often again, depressing lens, that a lot of the jokes loose their meaning. And when you write, you’re encouraged to do it in much the same way- poignant, dark, realistic pieces on the state of the world. I

 especially notice it in books centering around some sort of oppressed/minority group- in all my years of lit courses, I don’t think I ever read a book with a female protagonist where being a girl was portrayed as “fun”. And yeah, don’t get me wrong, discrimination exists and impacts people and is a HUGE PROBLEM, but at the same time I wouldn’t equate my personal experience of “being a girl” to “constant suffering” –which, if you were going off of these books only, might be the conclusion you draw. And while this is a big topic that I’m simplifying greatly, I think a persons only literary experience regarding an oppressed group (their own or others) revolving around how much being a part of that group SUCKS is a reductive and plain out depressing concept. And since those are the stories that are held aloft, it forces writers belonging to those groups to write stories about the oppression they’ve faced rather than literally any other topic if they want their stories to be promoted and seen. And this extends out of professional spheres back to students. There’s been some recent discussions of how the college application essays encourage students to write about and thus revisit their trauma, turning trying to get a  college education into some sort of sadness contest. And while I don’t think whats happening in my poetry class is anything quite that sinister, I think at the end of the day it’s rooted in the same problem: The subconcious idea that stories about darkness are inherently more valuable.

And that’s something I take personal problem with. I think it’s based around the idea that “dark” somehow equals “more realistic”, which is untrue. While life can be cruel and dark and serious, life can also be joyous and thrilling and just plain out stupid. And those silly fun moments are just as important as the dark ones! Hell, maybe even more so! There is innate beauty in random chance, fun surprises, friendship and love. Life is a constant see-sawing between the happy and sad. Even during very happy times, watching a sad movie can make you cry. At your most depressed, you’ll still ocassionally find yourself laughing at somebody elses dumb joke. There is a constant cycle of gain and loss. One can’t exist without the other, and that in and of itself is poetry! 

Saying one feeling is more important than the other is about as silly as saying red is more important than blue. Hell, beyond joy and sadness, look at confusion, anger, friendship, satisfaction, embarrassment, sleepyness, deja vu, weird coincidences, dancing, your first crush, injokes, brainfreeze, an obsession with dinosaurs, whatever! Yes, write tragic, edgy, or serious stuff too when you want to. Heaven knows I do. But don’t put yourself in a box. Meaning can be found in strange places, and one of the joys of poetry is reading something that you would never have guessed hits as hard as it does. And if something hits you, no matter how weird, you can bet somehow, somewhere in the world, it’ll connect to someone else in the same way.

Don’t give a shit if people say what you feel doesn’t matter, be stupid, have fun, and write!

[molzies-fanfics]

Kouros

A/N: I think this is the main reason why I don’t draw male anatomy often lol. I can’t imagine what the people around me would think if they saw photos like that on my phone, I’d be mortified! So I tried to channel that kind of feeling into this fic, and because I need to write for Donnie boi more and I think his reaction would be a hell of a lot funnier I decided to go with him! Hope y’all enjoy!

UPDATE: it’s been well over two years since I began the draft...but I’ve done it! it’s here! IT’S ALIVE! this fic I mean...starting uni next week so wish me luck guys!

 Donatello x gender neutral reader

words: 753

Requested by: @choccoshake​

Donnie knew you loved art, doodling, painting, graffiti, you name it you most likely did it. It was similar to how he had to get a blueprint down or the itch to write equations almost everywhere. He was surprised his brothers weren’t annoyed with the incessant scribbles but sometimes there were just as bad with how they wrote their names all over the place, especially the glaring graffiti of Leo’s name before you entered the area of his ‘bedroom’.

 However having a significant other that kept most of their drawings to themselves was a welcomed change of pace. You often found inspiration whilst sitting in his lab, which made him feel like a piece of him gave you the little creativity push. It gave him fuzzy butterflies in his stomach to say the least. Sometimes you used his printer to print out references for your work, you sometimes used the grid method and other times it was just better to have it to scale besides where you were working. Donnie never pushed to see what you were working on, you always gave him a heads up before peering over his shoulder by brushing your fingers over his shell or mumbling his name softly.

 That was until he went to fetch something from his printer this morning and found not only his papers on ‘how to get pepperoni out of an engine’ (don’t ask) but an incredible amount of pictures of shirtless dudes.

 Human shirtless dudes to be more precise.

 Even though Donnie had the suspicion that this was purely for art’s sake, he couldn’t help the pang of jealousy that shot through his chest.

 Not only were most of these men pure muscle but they were clearly human…something he was very much not.

 You were invested in drawing anatomy, of course that included human men. He tried to think of this from a more logical point of view, but he couldn’t help the ‘what ifs’ from entering his mind and taking over his somewhat uneventful morning (besides the pepperoni incident).

Before he could come to anymore conclusions he knew he had to talk to you…or at the very least give you your references.

“Hey Y/N?” Donnie’s voice called out from his lab as he entered the lair. You were perched on the couch, fully engrossed in your drawing.

“Yeah babe?” you answered, not bothering to look up. This was normal behavior between the two of you. If either of you were working then you wouldn’t bother looking up unless it was something important. Donnie felt hurt nonetheless. He really needed you to look at him just for the sake of seeing him.

“Can I talk to you for a second?” The turtle asked, gripping the papers to his chest as if they would protect him from his feelings.

Finally, you pushed your sketchbook to the side as you focused all of your attention on him and only him.

“Sure! What’s up?” You grinned. Dread began to settle over the terrapin’s face as he didn’t want to be the cause of distress. Yet he couldn’t get those damn thoughts out of his brain.

“I just wanted to know about these?” He smirked slightly as he showed you the pictures.

“Oh…those were just for drawing. They look a bit stupid though huh?” Giggling, you apologized for using his printer without checking first.

“That’s not what I wanted to talk about, I mean kind of, but not at the same time?” your expression morphed into confusion as he rambled.

“Okay? Wanna sit with me?” You offered as he walked around the couch, sitting very close to you as he took a deep breath in.

“It’s just…when I saw these I couldn’t help feeling jealous. You draw anything and everything and I understand that includes the male anatomy of…humans. Your own species. I think…I felt like you could do so much better than me.” The purple banded turtle’s walls came down as shrank into his shell.

“Don, you are my boyfriend. I care about you so much it hurts sometimes. Yeah I draw people all the time but maybe I should focus on something else…” you trailed off, taking the references from Donnie and dropping them on the floor.

“What’s that?” he asked meekly.

“Can I draw you?” your eyes gleamed, your hands resting on his cheeks as you asked.

“Oh-of course!” chuckling to himself, he let out his signature snort as you scrambled for your sketchbook beginning a detailed sketch of your Donnie. Your muse, Donatello.

[khonshus-stardust]

Jealousy? What Jealousy?

Pairings: Khonshu/reader (gender neutral but female bodied) Steven Grant/reader

Words: 3384

Summary: Work has had you busy but you've finally come to a break. When you awoke, you ate breakfast then sat down for some drawing. It's almost three in the afternoon when you realized how much time you've been sitting down for. Steven, one of your lovers, makes a comment about it so you get up. A special bird man appears in your apartment. Words are exchange and you came to a conclusion.

He's jealous.

Author Note: Gender-neutral but mentions of female parts. If anyone wants a male one, let me know. I don’t mind writing for anyone.

More smut with Khonshu. This one isn't that great. I found a smut prompt that I liked but struggled to use for him. This was my second attempt after throwing away about 2000 words. Might have to use it for a different fandom.

Masterlist

Ao3

A free three days of work calls you as you sat at your computer, Clip Studio Paint pulled up. Your digital drawing tablet rested in your lap, months of use clearly etched into the screen. It’s bright light not harsh with the sun’s light pouring past the curtains as you worked. Yet, your eyes burned from possible hours of staring at the device.

One singular line giving much more trouble than it should be. After what felt like the hundredth time, you gave up, hands thrown up with a groan. You take a gulp from the nearby water bottle before deciding to stand up.

In all honest, that was a horrible decision to carry out. It was morning when you had last stood up, that’s when you first sat down for the day. Now, the was  two-thirds through the sky. Only a quarter of your water had been used up during that time.

All possible joints in your legs and back popped as you stood up. The noises drawing the attention of your reading lover. Steven cringed, brows pinched as his eyes gazed at you. “Honey, I think its time to stop for awhile. You need a break,” the man stated and set down his book. The cover read something about myths. You shrugged your shoulders though, gaze returning back to your work.

He was right. A bathroom and snack break was needed. “I know. Thanks, babe.” You walked up to him and placed a kiss on his forehead. A shy smile took over his features as you start to walk away from Steven. “Need anything from the kitchen?” you called over your shoulder.

“No thank you!” he responded. You entered the kitchen and easily grabbed the Oreos from the counter. There was whoosh of wind behind you as you turned around.

There stood Khonshu in all of his glory. His crescent staff gripped in hand while he held his head high. “Hey, Khon. Whatcha up to, love?” You stopped to leaned back against the island and gaze up at the impossibly tall god.

“I wanted to ensure the idiot wasn’t screwing about,” he responded and took the needed steps to enter your personal space, skull lowered.

On the other hand, you rolled your eyes and flicked his beak. Ever time he calls Steven that stupid name, you hated and he knew that. Did Khonshu stop though? No, not fully. But he has calmed down on the name calling and sort. “Steven is fine. He’s just reading while I draw. Want to join our little group or do you have godly duties to preform?” you teased and knocked your hip into his leg. It did nothing to move him.

The moon god hummed then used his ridiculously long arms to pull you into his side. “No, I don’t have any ‘godly duties’ to worry about, Stardust. I would like to join.” You bumped into him once more before grabbing his hand and dragging him towards your room.

“Perfect. You can sit and watch from my bed!” He had to duck to enter the room but stopped when he saw Steven on the bed. “There’s plenty of room for the two of you.” You tugged him towards the furniture. He paused after his legs hit the wooden base.

You moved back to your chair with your Oreos. Out of the corner of your eyes, Steven gave Khonshu a confused expression then looked at you. All you did was smile at him.

Well, until Khonshu grabbed his nearest arm and promptly pulled him off. Your mouth dropped as you stared wildly at him. “Khonshu!” you gasped and rushed over to Steven. The poor man rubbed at his head then glared at the god. You glared at Khonshu in disbelief! “What was that, mister?”

“Only you and I are allowed on this bed. Not the idiot.” One step forward. Two steps back! He was starting to come around then he does this. What was happening?!

With an angry mother look on your face, you marched up to him. “That was extremely rude of you.” Then you paused, a sudden thought randomly coming to your brain. “Are you jealous? Is that why you’ve been acting this way lately. You know by now that I care about Steven, Marc, and Jake. “

Khonshu scoffed then shook his head. “I’m not jealous. A god does not get jealous of a mortal.” His words only solidified your thoughts.

“Yeah, that’s what I thought. You are jealous,” you reiterated and crossed your arms. Behind you, Steven got to his feet and called your name. Yet, you ignored him for a minute.

“I would like to speak to you. Privately,” Khonshu demanded, staff slamming against the carpet. More wind swirled around the room. After the months of him in your life, you’ve learned to not have anything free floating in your apartment. Nothing came fluttering to hit you this time.

“I agree. I think it’s time we had a talk.” You walked over to Steven and held his hands in yours. “I’m sorry, Steven. Let me talk with him and clear this, alright?” Your lips pressed against his knuckles and smiled at him.

“Love, are you sure?” he questioned, worry bubbling in his eyes.

Your hands squeezed his. “Yeah, I can handle him all by myself. It’s just Khonshu,” you jestered. Steven stared for an extra moment before nodding his head. The man was still reluctant to walk into the living room but did nevertheless; your good boy.

With a deep breath, you faced the god still in your room and raised a brow. “What do you need to get off your chest, Khon? Something is bothering you.” The god was silent though as he took a seat where Steven had originally sat. Unlike usual, you didn’t feel his gaze upon your frame. Something was really going on with him. You decided to walk up to him and stand between his parted legs. One of your hands softly touched his beak. “Tell me, lover bird. What do you want? Why do you feel jealous?”

That was the straw that broke the camel’s back.

One moment, you were on your feet. Next, your back pressed into the bed as Khonshu towered over you. Your hands gathered into only one of his, pinned high above your head. Both of your eyes blown wide at the sudden shift.

He wasn’t one for words. Actions spoke loud for the god from the years he has lived. Which meant, instead of telling, he was going to show you.

It hit you. Khonshu has walked in when you or one of his Moon Knights were pleasing your body. Many times, he’s paused to watch, you guessed now. His gaze pinned on your frame. The latest time, Marc had to throw a pillow for him to disappear. Unfortunately, that had ruined the mood and caused the two of you to stop.

Yes, he’s jealous. He wants that same affection. He’s been starved from affection for a long time. Human or not, no one can go on living.

“I’ll tell you to stop if I don’t like it. You can do whatever you want, lover bird.” Oh, those words made the immortal before you shake. “Have your way with me.”

Khonshu takes that to heart, or what’s there for that organ. Your clothes are removed before you could call his name. But then, he stops, all excitement paused as his gaze raked down your frame. That pause caused you to worry though and whispered his name.

His skull shot up to stare at your concerned expression. He let his free hand start on your breasts, letting your nipple be pinched between his thumb and pointer finger. You softly moaned his name like a prayer and he drank it up like a thirsty man. He did it again, eating up your reactions.

It’s not his first time. Can’t be when he’s been alive for thousands of years. But it was his first time with you. You were different in his nonexistent eyes. He wants to pick you apart and find what makes you tick, what makes you moan, squirm, whine for him. It came to him though, he lacked a humanoid mouth but made up in it with his nimble fingers.

They wandered from your breasts to your labia. His pointer fingers slowly dragging around the outside and watched as your back arched with a whine. A desperate and needy whine. “You sound so pretty, Stardust,” he whispered close to your ear.

That finger inches closer to where you needed it most before ghosting over that spot. Your legs clasped together and trapped his hand between them. Khonshu chuckled and used both hands to pry them back open. “Be patient, Little Bug. I’ll take care of you, I promise,” he stated and situated himself between your legs. “Now, be a good mortal and keep them open for me.”

Your core clenched at his words. Now, that was the only thought on you mind. You wanted to be his good mortal. So, you kept you legs open and arms above your head.

He returned to letting his finger wander aimlessly around your most sensitive area. But he pitied your whines and let his pointer rest on your hidden clit. You gasped, hips jutting up at the touch. “There you go, Little Bug. Is that what you want?” he teased.

“Yes! Please, Khonshu,” you begged and whined. The god laughed lowly and applied a small amount of pressure. Your thighs threatened to close to take all you could from this position. Instead, Khonshu held your wrists in his hand like before. You accidentally bucked your hips, making his hand move against your clit. “Oh, fuck, Khon. Please.”

Time seemed to stop at that moment. Khonshu took his time to absorb your beauty before him. He’s never been like this towards a human before. But for you, he would tear down the universe to ensure your safety.

Finally, the moon god used his thumb to circle your clit while his middle finger dipped into your core. It took all of your will power not to buck your hips. Or, better yet, switch positions with him and use him. He doesn’t know this but you’ve been wanting to fuck him about a month after you’ve met him. You were good at keeping secrets hidden.

“Good, Stardust, good,” he whispered; the end of his beak right next to your ear. You let your hips thrust up again and pushed his finger deeper. His thumb pressed against your clit almost perfectly. “Are you going to cum for your god, Little Bug? Are you going to be good for me?” The praise hit you deep. You’ve been strung tight over these past few weeks with little outlets. Masturbating hadn’t been hitting that growing itch as time continued. Now, Khonshu was scratching it perfectly.

You fought against his hold on your wrist but he wouldn’t let up. A sudden need to touch him passed over you. It was quickly squashed when Khonshu slid in another finger and curled them. He stroked the spongey spot inside of you. “F-faster, Khonshu, please.” If he went faster, you would cum for him. Like the good little mortal you are.

Khonshu listened to you and quickened his movements. In returned, he received a high-pitched moan. This time, you couldn’t help as your thighs locked around his hand again. Yet, he didn’t stop or let that slow him down. He continued.

His name was cried out like a prayer. It hit you hard, cumming underneath him. Your back arching, vagina throbbing around his fingers. Once again, he didn’t stop, fingers never once slowing. They just kept that same pace.

That drove you into the depth of oversensitivity. “Khon, s-stop,” you stuttered, body on the verge of curling in on itself. The god followed your words and paused all movements. The moment he did, your body relaxed, thighs falling open.

“Are you okay, Stardust?” he questioned and used the hand that was pinning your wrists to hold your chin. You softly smile and nodded your head.  You were more than okay.

“Yeah, but I wanna see what else you can do,” you challenged with a growing smirk. If he’s willing, why not take what he offers.  Khonshu gave a quick, short noise and tilted his skull as if he wanted a better look.

His hand returned to its originally spot between your legs and rubbed over your clit once more. Your back arched, still sensitive to any touches. “Now, you’re getting a little cocky. I can show you why that’s a bad idea.”

“Nah, I think you’re still jealous of the boys,” you teased with a full-blown smirk on your face. After earlier today, you know that’s a way to push his buttons. You wanted to see how he reacted when you did it. Maybe it was different compared to when any of the boys do it, especially Marc.

Wind rushed around the room, but nothing was knocked over. “I’m not jealous!” he growled then flipped you over on your hands and knees. Yet, one of his arms wrapped around your stomach and lifted you up. Most of your weight was on your arms which shook due to the new position. He kept close to his chest, hips pressed against you. His other arm holding up his weight and yours.

A knowing object slid between your legs and caused you to glance down. A cream-colored cock rested against your pussy. Khonshu pulled his hips back then, with the help of the arm wrapped around your waist, he position the tip of his dick at your entrance. “You don’t know what I look like when I’m jealous,” he snarked then pushed all the way in.

The previous orgasm helped him bottom all the way. A heady moan escaping as one of your hands finds his wrist and held onto it. “Fuck!” you shouted, walls pulsing around him. He was big and long, so deep inside of you. The size difference always hit different in thought. But it felt good, so good in real life. You’ve been needing this for so long. It seemed like he read your mind.

As rude as he could be, Khonshu kept his hips still and used the nearest hand to gently rub circles around your clit. You moaned and tried to push against him. All you wanted him to do was fuck you into the mattress. First, he needed to move.

He laughed quiet and thrusted once, pausing afterwards. You throbbed around him causing him to groan and tighten his hold. “Show me h-how jealous you are, Khonshu,” you challenged him once more with a knowing smirk on your face.

“The idiot is right out that door, remember? He’s probably listening to you moan underneath me,” he hissed and started up a pace. With his finger playing with your clit and your pussy full, you could only answer with a moan. “He can probably hear you, Stardust.”

Your toes curled at his words. Fuck. You didn’t know why that made you react that way. It shouldn’t be hot that you wanted Steven to hear, possibly watch your god fuck you into the bed; watch the way your face contorts when he rubs against your g-spot; watch your body shake with pleasure. You felt yourself clench around Khonshu’s cock at your thoughts. It felt so dirty to think that way but gods, you wished it would happen.

“Is that what you want? You want Steven to hear you moaning for me?” You answered by clenching his cock again, unable to verbally confirm his suspicions. Not that you freely wanted to anyhow. “Mm, you do, Little Bug.” He pauses his words as if to think about the scenario. “Not tonight. Tonight, you’re with me.”

Khonshu emphasize that with a harsh thrust of his hips. Your head whipped back, mouth dropped. He whimpered something about being good for him, his little good mortal.

It wasn’t long before you felt that familiar tightening in the pit of your belly. The arm holding you up gave out. Instead, Khonshu sat back on his calves and held you against his chest. That didn’t stop him from driving his cock into you.

Now, he had a free hand to roam around your body. It slithered around your throat for a moment – a show of power – before pinching at your nipples. More curse escaped from you. The new actions only pushed you closer and closer to end. “Khonshu, please.”

“I know, Stardust. It’s okay, you can cum. Cum for your god,” he soothed and kept the same pace, never once changing the angle, speed, or harshness.

Something about him ended it all. Your hands clawed for purchase, anything to steady yourself on this nonexistent cliff. Nothing prepared you as the band inside of you snapped.

Your entire body tensed, head thrown back against his chest as he kept up the same speed. His name screamed out, loud enough to probably worry the neighbors. The float down was the best. You felt blissful, head lazing back, throat humming contently.

As your mind came back to the realm, you felt the god behind you stutter before shoving you fully on his cock. A warm stickiness dripping from your full pussy and onto the bed. “Good boy, Khonshu,” you praised the god with a hoarse voice. “You’re filling me so good.” If he wasn’t holding onto you tightly before, there was no chance for escape now; even though that wasn’t a thought on your mind.

Finally, the god collapsed onto his side, still deep inside of, not letting you go. You allowed him to hold you as close as he wanted and enjoyed the company. His hand gone from being between your thighs. “Are you trying to knock me up or something, mister?” His arm muscles tensed at your words.

“Don’t tempt me, Stardust,” he growled and nuzzled his beak between the area of your neck and shoulder. Your walls pulsed around him at his answer. Khonshu chuckled. “Unless you want that.”

“A talk for another time, lover bird. Now, could you release me, please?” you asked and wiggled against him. His hips dragged back his cock only to shove it back in. Another curse spilling from your lips. “Come on. I have to make sure I don’t get a UTI.” One of the bad things of having a female body and sex.

The god has been on this earth and around humans to know what this is. “And I would just heal you,” he said without moving an inch.

“Please, love?” you begged with pout he possibly could see.

It was silent between the two of you before he finally released you from his hold. “Fine, just don’t let Steven touch you. You’re still mine.” You sighed before dislodging yourself and standing up, legs wobbling but still of use.

There was a smirk on your face couldn’t see from this angle. You began to walk away, hips sashing. “I guess I was right, Khon. You are jealous of them,” you jestered towards him as you opened the door and turned your head back. The god moved to be on his back, beak up towards the ceiling. His knees below hung off the bed, arms spread out.

“You’re calling that jealousy? Believe me, if you can still use your legs, I’m not being jealous,” he stated with a firm, knowing tone. Your lips pressed together. Then an idea hit you.

“What about next time?” you questioned, actually wanting to know if he’s willing for another time. You hoped that this wasn’t a one and done. You loved him, more than you’re willing to admit out loud with him anywhere near you.

The god laughed, chest shaking with the motion. That caused doubt to bubble. “Next, you’ll need to take a week from work off.” Your mouth dropped at his words. “I’ll also being using that mouth of yours.”

With that, you scrambled out of the room, ignoring the red blushing look that Steven had on his face. The bathroom was your savor for the moment. Yet, thoughts of next time couldn’t stop appearing in your mind.

You hoped next time wasn’t far away.