#it’s so scary I wanted to cry at points

[ahgasegotarmy116]

Just Take It | Jeon Jungkook | Part Eight

Summary: Jungkook's feelings for you have grown immensely and he can't hold himself back from being honest anymore. Pairing: Inexperienced f!reader x Best Friend's Dad Jungkook (20 year age gap) Word Count: 2.6K~ (I know it's short but it was at a good stopping point and I couldn't figure out how to continue it without a big time skip/harsh break so yeah enjoy this mini chapter 😅) Warnings: No warnings just fluff a/n: Another almost four months and I only have a little bit for you 😔 I'm still trying to figure out how I want to go about finishing this story (yes it's close to the end) so please bear with me 😪 but either way I hope you enjoy!

Ever since I told him last month that I didn't want to be friends anymore and by default telling him that I wanted to be with him things have been different.

We've settled into a new routine with the tension between us no longer burning to the point I shy away but something that feel natural, domestic even. 

I guess you could say that's pretty obvious from the fact that we're living together but his subtle touches are welcomed and expected.

Things as simple as his hand on my lower back as he passes by or his arms wrapped around me from behind with his chin propped up on my shoulder or even a kiss on the forehead are all things that we've settled into and it makes me feel loved. 

Love is still a scary word for me to think about or even say aloud but it's something I feel towards him, deeply, hopelessly, painfully.

At times I remember that things could suddenly change without warning. That he could toss me out as soon as he gets fed up with waiting like Jared did. That he cou-. 

"Ow!" I cry out when he pinches my side, "What was that for?" I whine, the spot he abused  already sore. "I've been calling your name for five minutes and you didn't respond so..." he chuckles and I hum, not having the energy to scold him further. 

He wraps his arms around my waist and props his chin on my shoulder just like I had been thinking about while spacing out, leaving me relaxing into him, the feeling of being in his arms taking away some of the anxiety that had started to build. 

"You okay?" he asks, placing a kiss on my cheek to which I hum again, nodding along with it. "You sure, because you've been stirring your coffee for the past seven minutes" he says, my hand stilling once he points it out. 

I take a drink of the completely cold beverage and sigh in defeat, realizing that his words are true. 

"I wanted it cold anyways" I mumble and turn to walk over to the freezer to add some ice, Jungkook letting go but still staying close. 

"Something's wrong" he says after observing me for another second or two, very used to reading my body language. "Nothing's wrong I'm just...tired" I reply and the truth is I am. 

"My internship has been kicking my ass and I don't know, I guess it's all starting to catch up to me" I relent and he takes a turn humming, knowing I'm not telling him the whole truth. 

"You know you can tell me anything right?" he says, coming closer and cradling my face in his hands, granting him a sad smile in return. 

"I know, but I promise I'm fine. It's just been a long week that's all" he studies my features for a while and decides to take my word for it, seeing that I'm not ready to talk about it. He nods his head a tiny bit before leaning in and giving me a soft kiss on my lips, one that lasts but a moment before pulling away.

"You wanna watch something tonight?" he asks and I smile as my answer, making him chuckle. "I'll make the snacks if you wanna go choose" he offers and I nod, my face still cradled in his hands so he gives me one last kiss before letting go and leaving our source of entertainment up to me.

~~~~

As the movie we've already watched and fallen in love with plays Jungkook notices my absence even though I'm cuddled up next to him, my reactions being minimal to nonexistent.

The parts we always laugh at are met with the sounds of his enjoyment and not mine so he pauses it and waits for me to notice which I don't for a while leaving him even more worried. 

"What's going on in that pretty little head of yours Bunny? Did I do something wrong?" he asks and I sit up, needing him to know that he hasn't. "No, no you've been wonderful, better than I deserve honestly" I say, mumbling the last part but of course he hears it loud and clear.

"I'm good to you because I love you and you do deserve it, that's all" he admits so freely that I almost don't catch it. "You...what?" I ask, almost too scared to breathe. "I love you" he says with a crooked smile, clearly enjoying my practically speechless state.

I sit there for a minute, stunned into silence, not having expected that at all but he just laughs. "What? You didn't think I loved you?" he asks, brushing a stray strand of hair off of my face, letting his fingers trail down my neck before withdrawing his hand.

"No...I mean maybe? Isn't it a little too early for I love you's?" I ask, tentative to say it after I had been burned by...

"I don't think so. I mean it might be forward but I've loved you for a long time and I've cared about you even longer. You're someone that has been a constant in my life for many many years and the fact that you've given me permission to hold you, kiss you...well it's something that I don't think I can hold back anymore" he confesses, making me feel as though my heart might explode. 

"I-" "You don't have to say anything. Take your time and only say it if you truly mean it Darling. I don't want to rush you into anything you're not ready for" he says, chancing caressing my face again and rubbing his thumb along my bottom lip. 

"Come here" he says and pulls me in, having me straddle him not for anything sexual but just for the need to hold me close. 

I burry my face in his neck and he rubs my back, knowing that I feel vulnerable since although he's not rushing me, I know he'll be waiting for an answer. 

"I'm scared" I mumble against his skin and he hums, understanding the situation honestly more than I wish he did. He witnessed the ups and downs of the relationship between Jared and I and sat on the sidelines, knowing he could treat me better but caring about me too much to take away my right to make my own decisions and choose who I love even if it wasn't him. 

"Take your time Bun. You know I'll always be here for you, no matter how long it takes" he reassures me of what I knew, making me nod and wrap around him even tighter, taking his words as genuine but still terrified that this could all slip away at any moment. 

~~~~

A week goes by and I still haven't said it and it's killing me.

When he says goodbye he says it, whenever we've been intimate he says it, he even says it randomly just to try to make me smile but my mind won't truly let it sink in until I say it back.

"Baby?" he asks, knocking on my partially ajar door, seeing that I've been taking a little while longer to get out of bed this morning. 

I hum and let him come in, trying to assess the state I'm in before saying anything else as he comes and sits down on my side of the bed, looking down at me and placing his hand on my waist. I'm still laying down, not having made an effort to get up just yet which I know worries him as well but he doesn't push me too hard. 

"You not feeling well?" he asks, now going to check my temperature with the back of his hand but not noticing a fever of any sort making his theory very short lived. "No, just tired" I say quietly, not having spoken a word since I woke up, my voice still raspy which I can tell he enjoys but doesn't comment on this time.

"You want me to make you something? It's already lunch time and you haven't eaten all day huh?" he asks, knowing the answer but still allowing me the chance to reply. "Yeah maybe something simple like a sandwich?" I request and he nods.

"Want me to get it from that sandwich place we love?" he suggests, rubbing small circles on my waist but I shake my head. "No I'm craving one of your sandwiches" I say making him smile, knowing one of his favorite forms of praise is compliments on his cooking. 

"Okay Bun, the usual?" he asks, knowing exactly what I want but asking just in case I'm feeling like something a little different today but I nod my head in approval making him lean down and place a kiss on my forehead before asking if I want him to bring it up here to which I decline. 

"I need to get out of bed at some point" I say and he shrugs, "You're allowed to have a lazy day every once in a while if you'd like. I could even come join you later on?" he proposes making me smile, in favor of his suggestion. 

"Can we take a nap after lunch?" I ask and he smirks a bit, testing the waters to see what I'm actually asking for. "Just a regular nap this time" I roll my eyes leaving him sighing dramatically before leaving, telling me he'll call me down when it's ready.

Once he's gone the doubt that has been plaguing my mind comes circling back.

'What if he's just saying that to take pity on me? What if he's saying it to rush me into something I'm not ready for? What if-' I groan, cutting off the spiral that I send myself down every time I'm alone and throw the blankets off before going into my bathroom and throwing cold water on my face, glaring at myself in the mirror, daring me to keep acting like this.

He loves me. He loves...me. Why am I so torn up about this? People say it all the time so it's not like it's the end of the world. It's just that...well next time I say it I want to mean it. The next time I say it I want it to be real. 

I want to say it to the man that I'll promise to say it to forevermore. 

Call me a hopeless romantic all you want but if I'm going to trust someone with my heart again I don't want to regret it...

~~~~

"Here you go Bunny" he says and places my sandwich in front of me. "I love you" I mumble, softer than I've ever said anything before but it makes his movements stutter. 

"What was that Darling?" he asks, sitting down in the seat next to me at the table. "I um...I said 'Thank you'" I chicken out and although he wants to call me out on it he doesn't.

"You're welcome baby" he says, his smile a little brighter when he realizes that I'm trying, that I want to say it too but I just don't have the confidence yet. 

"Anything for you" he finishes and caresses my cheek before getting up and grabbing his plate along with our drinks. 

"You sure you're feeling alright?" he asks, my silence through lunch palpable since whenever he tries to start up a conversation I give him small short answers that make his efforts die in his throat. 

"I've just been feeling a little funky that's all" I say and he hums, contemplating his next words which surprise me. "I'm sorry" he says, defeated and honestly quite vulnerable. "Why are you apologizing?" I ask, not thinking that he would have done anything that would require something like that. 

"I knew you weren't ready and I rushed things but I wanted to be able to say what I felt for you because it was eating me alive. Having to cut off my sentences and not being able to speak my mind fully, holding you as close to my heart as possible but not being able to tell you that you had it in the palm of your hand already I just...I couldn't do it anymore" he says, his whole demeanor shifted into an almost sorrowful state that I can't hold it back anymore.

I can't keep hurting him like this when all I want to do is scream it for all to hear, even if the thought terrifies me.

"I love you" I say making his head pop up from it's dropped state, then feeling guilty and looking at his lap again as a result. "You don't have to say it just because I did. I just wanted to apologize because I know that that's was why you've been feeling so off lately" he says but I shake my head. 

"The thought of giving my heart to someone again scares the shit out of me. After...well after going through all of that the thought of opening myself up again was not something I wanted to do. I will admit I sought you out out of lust at first but as our friendship and eventual relationship began to grow I realized that I cared about you a whole lot more that I should" I say, me now with my head turned down, not being able to keep the intense eye contact he's giving me, hanging on every word. 

"I didn't know if you were doing these things for me because you felt sorry or because you truly cared. I know now that doubting your motives was honestly my own self doubt getting the best of me. You've done nothing but love and care for me since the beginning and I haven't let myself fully process the fact that I'm..." I cut myself off and take a deep breath.

"The fact that I'm falling in love with you" and although he said those words first the admission alone has me feeling as though he hadn't, as if he would change his mind now that I reciprocated his confession but he does anything but that, further confirming his true intentions for me as he pulls me closer. 

He doesn't pull me in with a carnal passion in mind, he doesn't even pull me in for a kiss, he pulls me in and holds me close, telling me wordlessly that he's proud of me. That he's proud of me for taking that step, for trusting him with my heart, my mind, soul, fully consumed by him without abandon.

"Thank you" he whispers, his face being buried in my hair making me laugh at the ticklish feeling. "Don't make it weird" I say and poke his side making him flinch and hold me tighter. "How can I not? The woman I love loves me back" he chuckles and when I try to pull back he squeezes me tighter. 

"Just let me have my moment" he huffs making me sigh and return his crushing embrace. "I love you" he says making me burry my face into his neck, mumbling it against his skin in return. 

"Nah nah nah, say it like you mean it" he says, pushing me back just enough so he can look at me. "But I do mean it!" I roll my eyes, playing into his pouty act. "Come on, say it!" he says, pushing me back and forth, making me sway. 

"I already said it, why do you need to hear it again?" I chuckle when his pout gets deeper. "Okay fine" I give in making his brows raise at my quick defeat. "I love you" I whisper in his ear and then run away, his hold on me having loosened from pure shock of my honesty, knowing now that I truly truly mean it. 

"Get back here!" he scolds once he's come back down to earth, the surprise replaced with determination, his intentions being to not let me go til sunrise.  

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[holylulusworld]

Roll the dice (1)

Summary: You’re in trouble, and it’s all your fault.

Pairing: Mobster!Steve Rogers x fem!Reader

Warnings: mafia au, angst, mentions of criminal activities, mentions of sickness, mentions of stealing, scared reader, bruises, hand around throat (non-sexual)

Catch up here: Roll the dice (Prologue)

Holding your breath, you watch it land on… 3

“Three,” you murmur, scared to the bones. While Steve smirks darkly, you wring your hands. This can’t be good. Of course, it can’t. All your life, you never had luck in the game. Why change your bad luck now? “What does it mean?”

Steve crouches down to grab the dice. He chuckles as you try not to faint. His cheer presence is intimidating. Having him up close while he holds your life in his hands is terrifying.

“OH, you got lucky, doll,” he taunts. Steve grabs your hand to place the dice in the palm of your hand. “Three means roll the dice again.”

“Again—” you whimper. Rolling the dice once was scary, and you made peace with death, even embraced it with open arms to end this nightmare you’re living in. Rolling it again means doom. “No… please decide.”

“I don’t make the rules,” he lies while his smirk deepens. His cheeks dimple and he almost looks like a beautiful angel, if not for the dangerous glimmer in his ocean-blue eyes. “How about I explain what every number means before you roll the dice again?”

A question is not in his words. He will tell you what the numbers mean, whether you want it or not.

You nod the moment his features darken. “Yes. Please.” You’re surprised the words come out of your mouth at all. It was a struggle to bring yourself to speak to him.

“One means quick death.” You shudder at his happy smile. “Two means painful death.” You whimper as he cups your jaw to force you to look him in the eyes. “You already know what three means.”

Steve watches your eyes glistening with unshed tears. He grins like the devil as he leans closer, his nose brushing yours.

“Four means an eye for an eye. In your case, it means paying me back my money, but ten times the amount you stole from me.” He hums when you silently start to cry. “I like five very much. It means working for me for the rest of your life. You already know about six, too.”

None of the options are appealing to you. Steve lied. There’s not a chance you get to walk out of his office alive and unharmed. You’ll never roll a six.

“So, go ahead,” he purrs your name and points at your hand. “Roll the dice again.” Steve gets back up to sit back down on his armchair, smirking as you stare at him with teary eyes. “Now!” He growls as you hesitate.

“Okay,” you sniffle and drop the dice, not even looking at it. You hold your breath and close your eyes.

“Aw, you’re a lucky lady,” Steve whistles. “A three again. Wow! I don’t think anyone ever got it two times in a row.”

You shudder. A three means you must roll the dice again. For a third time, you grab the dice and throw it toward Steve’s feet. It’s all a game to him.

“Another three,” he laughs in your face. “Pick it back up, lucky doll. Maybe this time, you’ll get a six, huh?”

Gritting your teeth, you glare at Steve. He’s toying with you, and you hate that you’re too weak to fight him. Before he can get mad, you move toward the dice to roll it again. You watch it stop at three and sniffle.

“Again.” He says.

You roll the dice. Three.

“Again, doll.”

Three.

“And again.”

Three.

You scream and throw the dice against the wall. “Why don’t you just kill me? I know this dice is manipulated!”

“You accuse me of lying!” Steve rises from his seat to grab you by your throat. “I gave you the chance to save your life! You’re not only a thief but ungrateful too!”

“It only ever shows three!” You claw at his hand, trying to get it off your throat. “Three. Three. Three!”

Heat speckles all over your face and neck. Your body becomes heavy, and your eyes flutter shut. You try to fight the invisible power dragging you into darkness, but it's useless.

“Hmm…yeah. That’s much better, isn’t it? Letting me take control over your body, life, and mind. You never stood a chance, doll.” Steve presses a kiss to your trembling lips before your head lolls back. “Did you honestly believe I would let you walk out on me? Of course, the dice shows whatever I want.”

A few weeks earlier, the night you stole from Steve…

“Steve, I don’t know why you let her get away with it. Man, she didn’t even avoid the cameras,” Bucky grunts. Steve and he are watching you walk toward the back entrance, your bag filled with the money you stole from your boss. “Let me stop her.”

“No,” Steve smirks. “I want to know why she found the guts to steal from me. She was always a shy little mouse. I wonder what happened.”

“With all due respect, that’s just stupid,” Bucky huffs. He can’t believe his friend lets a random employee get away with stealing from him. “This could ruin your reputation.”

Steve chuckles. “Buck, she won’t get far. I told Sam to keep an eye on her, and Jensen is checking on her digital life. I’m still Steven Grant Rogers, not some inexperienced newbie. Likewise, I know what I’m doing.”

“You’re playing with fire, Steve.” The brunette can only watch you sneak out of the door, the money still in your bag.

Steve grins like the wolf he is and says, “I think it will be worth it, Buck. I haven’t had much fun lately. I’ll get me a sweet little mouse to toy with...”

Tags in reblog.

[alpaca-clouds]

Those who claim to care about women

There is this thing about the right wing, that I recently find very, very noticable. The way they claim to care about women, while they actually hate women so much.

I am currently living with a fairly right wing roommate (who obviously claims to be "neither right nor left", as they often do, but obviously is on board with most right-wing stuff, especially when it comes about anti-immigration fearmongering). And when he talks about usual right wing talking points he will again and again will claim it is "about the women". What if a man claims to be a trans woman to get into a place to harm women? What if those immigrants harm women? And the sex work, it is so hard on the women! Those poor, poor women. Also, trans women in sports are cheating. Intersex women in sports are cheating. Because women are very weak and in all ways lesser than men, so men need to protect them.

But the fact is of course, that there is no harsher threat to women than right wing men. And mind you, this is very universal. Because right wing men are always patriarchal - and always for harsh gender norms. And yes, those scary Muslim terrorists who are against women's rights like the Taliban are right wing. Because, again: Right wing says that people want to have harsh hierarchies in society.

And mind you, there is of course this fact. When right wing in the west talk about "protecting women", they mean "protect white, cis, abled, young, pretty women". They have no interest in the non-white women, in the trans and intersex women, in the old women, the disabled women, and ugly women. They want to protect women as objects they can own and as breeding machines for their children. But not as people. Which is why they are so much against women's rights. They are against abortion. They are against protections against rape - at least as long as rape is something that originates from white cis men. Once they can fearmonger about non-white men or trans women raping cis white women, they will of course be the first to do it. They want to have child marriage legalized, so they can marry girls as young as 13. And they only want female characters in media, if the characters are designed for them to masturbate to them.

That is why they get a meltdown over most female characters these days, because those are allowed to be characters with agency. They do not want women with agency. They also will have a meltdown if a female character does not look like a Barbie-doll, but like an actual woman. They will call it ugly. Because a character just looks pretty, but in a more attainable way. They will also cry if the superheroine fighter has muscles and broad shoulders, because they personally do not want to fap to it.

I mean, let's face it: Those right wingers, who have those youtube channels (be it shadiversity, or critical drinker, or... basically fuck, I do not even know what they are all called) decrying "woke media" spent actually half the time crying about female characters in media. Every other topic (queer characters, trans characters, non-white and disabled characters) together makes up the other half. But most of the time they will cry because "women has agency" (in their view often "woman hates men") and because "women not pretty enough for me to masturbate to, this is a personal attack against me!!!!" I mean, just look how much they cried about She-Hulk. While it was probably the MCU show I enjoyed most (because it was more episodic and I liked the humor), it was very, very tame. Like it was about a white straight woman. But they had collective cries about it, because there are a couple of scenes in this show that talk about how shitty most men treat women. Something that simply is a fact. Most men treat women shitty. Especially men like them. But how dares Marvel or the actress or the director or whoever to call this out?

Or, like... Remember how Shadiversity had a fucking meltdown over Princess Peace wearing her Mario Kart outfit, rather than wearing a dress?! lol It is so fucking pathetic.

They also just... I mean, right wingers are so pro-capitalism, which has made it so that you barely can support a family even with two incomes. But then they complain about women working - even though this is just hardly avoidable because of the capitalism that they personally think is so fucking amazing.

And I mean, sure. It is clear that mainly they just fall for the prevailing narrative. It is after all the top 0.1%, who basically want to make sure the people are angry at minorities, so that the people will forget to be angry at the 0.1%. But for fuck's sake. It is so dumb. And it is so annoying to have those cis dude cry about the dangers to women, while they not realize that they are the biggest danger to begin with. Because they are. And they do not want to hear that.

[astralarias]

I finished alien isolation

[lulu2992]

Hey dear Lulu! Hope you have a good day and congratulations on 100K❤️

I have reached a point in my fanfic where my OC is pregnant with John ( and yes, everything is in terms with Eden's Gate rules ) but I have no Idea how John would react/feel about OC begin pregnant- and how would he even be as a dad?

I am trying to stay true to his character as much as possible but it's hard when he hasn't interacted with other children in the game😭 I to think he will be a devoted, loving and protective over his child...but that's all I have...

How would you imagen he would be as a dad and how would he react to OC pregnancy?

Hey! Thank you, and I hope you had a good day as well!

I think it would first depend on whether the pregnancy is rule-breaking and accidental or if they are an official couple expecting it to happen at some point. In your story, I understand everything happened in accordance with Eden’s Gate’s moral principles, so that avoids a lot of angst and emotional turmoil… Unless John and your OC were trying not to make a baby, I suppose he wouldn’t react negatively.

His behavior would also be influenced by how emotionally mature and stable (as far as possible for him) he became in your story. In the game, John isn’t ready to have a child, I think, but that can change thanks to character growth and the magic of fanfiction! He does have the potential of being kind and loving because, as a young boy, according to Joseph, he was. A lot has happened since then, but these qualities must still be there, somewhere, under the pain and anger.

I agree that he would most likely be very devoted and protective because… well, he already is. The Seed family, despite being dysfunctional, is also tight-knit, and they would literally die for each other. John wouldn’t let anyone hurt his child, and neither would his siblings.

Now, of course, we must also consider the brothers had an awful dad and that none of them grew up in a stable and loving environment. Because of this, I can see them being scared of having children, partly in fear of becoming like their father or, in John’s case, like his adoptive parents. That said, he didn’t spend as much time with “Old Man Seed” as Jacob (who I imagine would be the most reticent to become a father for this reason, but that’s just a feeling I have) and I highly doubt he would raise his child the way the Duncans raised him. John undeniably has problems, but in my opinion, he would never want to put his child(ren) through the horrors he experienced.

We haven’t seen him interact with children in the game but I don’t know if that really matters since this baby would be his child, not just a random kid. A lot of real-life parents don’t particularly enjoy the company of other people’s children but want to spend as much time as they can with theirs. Even if John had canonically said kids were a nuisance, I think he could still love his to death.

So if the pregnancy were planned, I don’t think he’d be upset at all; on the contrary. If it were not but they were not trying to avoid it either, I imagine he’d be surprised and anxious at first, but would welcome the news eventually. And as a dad, since John apparently gives himself fully to everything he does, he could be very, very invested, and maybe overprotective. His enthusiasm would likely have to be curbed, as always, but I’d say how and if that happens would depend on your OC’s personality and relationship with him.

This is my opinion and interpretation, which may be incorrect, but I don’t think you can go wrong in fanfiction anyway because it’s inherently transformative and personal. If your idea feels right to you, then it is!

In any case, if you’re stuck or don’t know how to justify something in a Far Cry 5 fanfic, you can always do what they did in the game and either say “it’s the Bliss” or “it was God’s will” :’) For John to go from an emotionally unstable and violent Herald to a great and loving dad, the second explanation can help! Joseph did say he could free himself from his past and that love would be the key to his salvation, after all.

[katakosmos]

i'm just living THAT life (my parents fight every fucking minute but they won't divorce)

[dazais-guardian-angel]

kinda wild to me that one of the most compelling aspects of both Chuuya and Kunikida's characters to me, that I never really see talked about, is how they're heavily set on a doomed crash course towards complete and utter destruction, and how I am so, so worried for them both.....

[4ddi3addie2005]

Before I went to bed I saw the Youtube notif that TADC was going to Netflix and it INVADED my dreams so vividly I have not had such an episodic sequential serialized cohesive dream in months it was literally its own chapter its own short story

[solace-seekers]

screaming into the void <3

[crossbackpoke-check]

Why I Am Not Coming In To Work Today [abridged], Jess Zimmerman

part one | part two

[rororow]

I am a simple podcast listener with simple needs. I just need Scary Marlowe to call her mom and have an honest conversation about the situation she’s in.

[zappedbywho]

.

[impzone]

AGGHHHHH FINALS ARE OVER….. i was gonna post a drawing for it saying “it’s so over” because i got a B but i don’t have the energy orz

[jojolimons]

that pokemon rejuvenation personality quiz really is accurate, got npcs using my they/them pronouns even tho i chose the boy option

[hobisexually]

x

[mishkakagehishka]

Me when i dream of lil Mika but it's another nightmare