#it’s not just learned self hatred

[lgbtlunaverse]

There's a version of the "don't go grocery shopping while hungry" rule specifically for writers where you should never under any circumstances be allowed to touch your draft within 3 hours of reading a really good story. Because sometimes when you read something great your head goes "fuck this is so much better than my stuff I should make that more like THIS instead!" Look at me. That's the devil talking and you should close the document NOW.

[starry-bi-sky]

mmmmmm read a disciple shen yuan/shizun luo binghe fanfic about two days ago where the first chapter was the Immortal Conference arc, and SQQ was the one who had to be pushed into the abyss (he was still the villain) except Luo Binghe was refusing and was like, lowkey losing his mind about SQQ being so close to the edge. SQQ ended up having to be the one to fall in himself because of the system's punishment system. The rest of the fic is leading up to that moment. But like, MMM i've been obsessively thinking about that first chapter for DAYS ever since.

now i've been in svsss for a grand total of *checks watch* a week. but god obsessed with that. I want to write/read a fic where disciple SQQ goes a little nuts down there. Like keep all of the things that make SQQ, SQQ, but just. Throw in a little bit more trauma in there. A little bit of a mental break. Let him go a little nuts as a treat. Just a tad unhinged. I wanna see him go, just a little, "god fuck it, i've tried so hard to change this shitty story's outcome and it feels like everything i've done has been for nothing. I'm going to die in this world no matter what I do, I've been doomed from the start, so might as well die the way I want to." and he just, breaks a little! Under all the stress.

He still retains the traits that makes shen yuan, shen yuan, like his overwhelming kindness. But he's just! yk. A little less patient. Paranoid. Jumpy. Colder. A little more aloof and closed off. A little more Shen Jiu. He's no asshole child abuser, but he was a Number One Hater in his past life and he's leaning into that old habit a little more now.

(On a totally coincidental not-at-all related note, there's not enough SJ-and-SY-are-the-same-people fics out there that i've found. This is totally unrelated...)

The Endless Abyss turns the mind into an over-sharpened blade, and SQQ is both fascinated and perhaps a little excited to explore a place that doesn't have a lot of info on it in the mortal realm, but still terrified out of his mind. And he's no Luo Binghe, he doesn't have the sheer brute strength and power to just bulldoze his way through, so he has to be a lot more sneaky and cunning if he wants to survive.

The fic itself role-swapped LBH and SQQ so that SQQ was the half-demon (which lowkey fucks) and LBH the human, but I'm equally-if-not-more obsessed with the idea that LBH remains the half-heavenly demon and SQQ the human. If only because I keep thinking about SQQ befriending some demons (particularly and specifically a group of succubi) and they grow very attached to this Human Cultivator so through magic plot stuff they create some kind of seal/illusion/talisman that makes SQQ appear as a demon because a human cultivator in the endless abyss may as well be the equivalent of putting a giant neon target on your back.

And iirc Shen Jiu was taught demonic cultivation by that one guy(?? i've only been here a week so im not caught up in ALL of the lore yet) so that could totally happen here.

(On the other end of the realms, poor Shizun Luo Binghe is just. losing his fucking mind over losing his most precious and beloved disciple. About .5 seconds from burning down the peaks himself. somebody sedate him.)

The Endless Abyss sucks and SQQ is having a really terrible time and can feel himself going lowkey mad, but also holy shit look at all this WORLD-BUILDING. look at all this flora and fauna, and oh if he had the equipment for it he'd be writing all of this down. ALL OF IT. He was kinda-sorta-already planning on never leaving the Abyss as some sort of fucked up self-exile and self-preservation thing, but now he might? actually just?? never leave if he can help it, like he lowkey likes it down here.

anyways the next time anyone ever sees SQQ again he's got hair so long its almost touching the ground and he's either in rags and half-feral or he's been completely dolled up by his adoptive succubi sisters and still about three seconds from biting anyone who tries to touch him. (he's also lowkey trying to book it back down to the abyss even if he has desperately missed all of his friends and shizun)

[uncanny-tranny]

Whenever people who are entrenched in diet culture talk about how terrible chemicals are, I just want to whip out this:

[lovecolibri]

The growth from K saying her and Evan didn't work out because it's hard telling and showing someone how much you love them and having them not believe you, to seeing Evan a couple years after that breakup tell Sam that it was an unfair assumption of him to make that she wasn't being sincere and genuine in her kindness to him, and that he used to think love would fix things but that alone isn't enough and he does need to work on himself and accepting the love his friends give to him.

And even then!! The growth isn't done because he's still trying to adjust HIMSELF into making sense in other people's lives, instead of adjusting his THINKING to accept the love freely given, which Sam reminds him of. It's just so beautiful to see the journey and it's not complete yet, Evan still has some work to do, but he's not doing it alone and it will ultimately be so healing for him 😭😭😭

[basslinegrave]

whatchu thinking about. nothing? just the changes to garys design and his character evolution and growth and everything. 24/7. you know. and the fact that even if he changed, hes still the same at his core!

[vyvansecrashing]

can russia and north korea just nuke us already this is hopeless

[witsserviceablesubstitute]

Firstly, this isn't me vagueposting, just me gathering my thoughts (I feel passionately about these points).

If Sarcean and Anharion are a allegory for queer trauma and the collar is unveiled to be Sarcean's compulsion wholesale, it renders the Light's campaign against him as righteous regardless of how hypocritical the Light is revealed to be.

It turns his relationship with Anharion into something that was not a relationship at all. Not love at all. It makes it into a sordid sexual fascination. Just as the Light says it was. If the Light represents antiqueer religious and societal pressures within this queer allegory then the story cannot be a pro-queer narrative if that sentiment becomes something tangibly true.

Sarcean can be terrible to everyone else in the world but not to Anharion because their relationship, within this allegory, is what they are fighting to protect. A place to be, to exist. To surrender to each other. To love each other in peace. Without condemnation and judgement. Without constantly being besieged.

Is Will not looking for that very thing? An oasis. One person he can be his entire self with. Is James not as angry as their past selves? Not as vindictive? "I'll show them an abomination!" Perhaps, if that's the case, Anharion and Sarcean also liked to put on a show. Rub their relationship in the faces of the Light. They'll show them. Sarcean cannot be the sole puppeteer of all that queer fury without it becoming an abuse narrative. Once it becomes an abuse narrative, and the Light's campaign becomes a righteous one, the queer allegories start to fall apart.

If Sarcean represents the urges you suppress to conform to a cruelly narrow but socially dominant interpretation of 'goodness' then Will's triumph isn't in suppressing those urges, it's in embracing them. If Will becomes but another good boy suppressing his dark urges for the Light then he's buying into the dominant social narrative. The aforementioned antiqueer one. He may as well marry a nice girl from a respectable family, never once ordering her around.

[spyroz]

I feel like "don't tone police people" and "you owe people kindness and grace and room to grow and change" and "you have every right to be angry when someone wrongs you, even if it was an accident" and "people are allowed to not know everything, hurting someone on accident due to lack of knowledge should not be treated as badly as hurting someone maliciously on purpose" all NEED to coexist even though they often contradict

[imminent-danger-came]

The MK pipeline from “You really think the universe wants anything, from any of us?” to “Until I know what I am, what my destiny is? I can’t risk hurting the people I care about—the ones I have left.” is actually fucking wild.

Like, the place his character starts is believing that he couldn’t possibly be *anything* special or be the one to make that positive impact on the world. Then we have our beloved “to pain” scene, and MK ruminates on the Lady Bone Demon’s words—after all, his greatest power is self reflection. So we go from MK hoping to use his position “for good” to believing he’s “the one always getting the world in trouble”. Whatever his role in the story is, it always negative. It’s not enough or too much. It’s the universe not wanting anything or wanting him to bring about total suffering.

[1pcii]

SHADAHKNKAS saw u in the notes of some kuina posts and that made me realize that there is simply a bond with kuina and tashigi fans, who may even often be the same fan, because AOUGHHH KUINA I CARE HIM SO MUCH episode 19 literally changed me forever. swords + gender struggles are all you need to hook me on a character sometimes Maybe. the whole greatest swordsman promise... sob. also. something about zoro promising his name will reach the heavens and trans kuina. which made me think.. what if kuina and The trans fear of dying then having your deadname on your tombstone that you can't do anything about because you're dead. kuina dying before they even get to figure everything out and all of a sudden he's just known as kuina forever, and then zoro making a name for himself in kuina's honor or something idk (i like zoro's backstory) (KUINA )

THERE ISS. people who theorise that they are secretly related or the same person or direct parallels are so close to getting it but don't imo (no shade to those theories tho, I just personally find them narratively unsatisfying).

like they are parallels in that kuina is symbolic of the sexism people suffer and tashigi is an adult woman who has come out the other end sword swinging but ultimately so unsure of herself as a result. also the (trans)genderisms, we are all hand in hand 🤝.

MAN KUINAS STORY BROKE ME DOWN ON A BASE LEVEL AND REWIRED NY BRAIN. I had to take a break from reading just to let it soak in it's so good, a swordsmans promise indeed, that scene was beautiful, I love zoro the world's first a accidental feminist <3. zoro carrying on her dream with his will never not have me in hysterics.

FUCK YEA THATS SUCH A GOOD IDEA. I have soo many thoughts about baby!zoro and kuina and trangenderism. egg kuina cis zoro, egg kuina STEALTH TRANS ZORO ABSVDJFBKSHDKDN <333.

little baby zoro looking at his grave with the uncontrollable urge to carve out those letters. to carry and rearrange them and make sure they get back to him in the afterlife spelling 'worlds greatest swordsman'.

trans kuina makes me so emotional because ultimately I don't know if they were canonically trans but it's my FAVOURITE 'what if' for them. they never really got to be anyone outside the dojo masters daughter. the failure of a heir and the girl who beat zoro 2001 times. who would they have been if they got to grow up? come to terms with themselves and unlearned all that heavy, painful biases pushed onto them? as a transmasc who's studying into a (cis)male dominated field myself ik, the feelings of 'betrayal' and 'proving misogynists right' and imposter syndrome and inadequacy issues and perfectionism they might've gone through,,, sobbing my eyes out HE MEANS EVERYTHING TO MEE.

zoros backstory is genuinely one of my favourite parts of the manga idc how 'simple' it was it's still beautiful.

[tacit-semantics]

Really don’t want to quit my job but like I need to quit my job

[refriedrambles]

I have a new character who makes Krysa a stronger character. Her name is Roara and she's probably the most feminine character I've ever had and I love her

She's breaking off and absorbing some of Krysa's traits (it's very necessary, Krysa was a mess of a character) and adding them onto a beauty appreciating disney princess/villain. That appreciation can toe the line with vanity but it's also such a genuine deep seeded appreciation that doesn't end at just a pretty face that it's a bit contagious. It applies to nature and interiors and personalities and so much to ideas and art. She's just so full of passion about it too. My notes describe her as a nymph mother goddess and like probably not the best way to describe her but I like it a lot. She is socially adept, a natural leader and very protective of "her" people

Also I have her design in my head but it is getting muddled and I should be asleep so, inspired by Aurora and Megara. Light strawberry blonde, possibly a more typical blonde fading into a light strawberry blonde idk. Head band, but likely often change outfits. Slightly older than Krysa, but probably shorter, this likely makes Krysa taller rather than Roara being an especially short idk figure later

There are significant changes to Krysa from this, but also they're kinda minor at the same time? Roara heavily influences who Krysa grows into by rubbing off on her and taking the time to teach her not to a miserable little shit and handle people. Also learn the importance of taking care of oneself, feeling pretty and though this one doesn't sink in all that much appreciate others. Roara being there really helps me solidify Krysa's character. I can remove the maternal aspects from her, solidify her feelings on having to be a leader herself (she loathes it) matching it with her hatred of authority, and detangles a lot of the confusion between her brutality/hatred of humanity and her strong protective instincts/detest of the cruel and unfair. She's a lot more focused on her curiosity now. Also herself hatred changed from oh I know I'm a bad person and can never be good cause I'm just that smart enough to see it to oh I've seen something so powerful and moving in all of the shit and I could never be that. That's not it like I explained that so badly lol it's not like envy at all. Maybe a bit of su's love like you, but Idk how to get the rest of it across right lol

Krysa's got two big things now self hate while fuels her trust issues and a zealous passion to learn

Roara's got two or three a feverish passion for all types of beauty, a nurturing and protective nature (selective tho it may be), and a knack for knowing how people work

[fisherrprince]

I think zenos has a ♠️-crush on the WoL

you don’t have to think this you’re just right about it. you’re just correct. he fully wants it to be a thing and the wol is like iiiiiiiiii don’t know- youureeee. kind of, I don’t kn— I’m busy. Right now . we c, I have other, you. the

[chuuyasporkie]

[owlf45]

A couple comments on Candor going like:

“Doesnt this mean he could have escaped the entire time??”

Or

“So none of it mattered”

Or

“He didn’t have to go through all that”

THATS THE POINTTTTTTTT!!!!!

[heliianth]

the dark evil wizards have afflicted me with a hyperspecific interpretation of killuas "moral conflict" which leaves a lot of fan content that tries to engage with it unsatisfying. a wicked and foul hex indeed