#& when i say that i mean the whole. feeling megaguilt over killing ppl and thinking Thats the reason why hes a terrible person | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

heliianth · 2 months ago

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the dark evil wizards have afflicted me with a hyperspecific interpretation of killuas "moral conflict" which leaves a lot of fan content that tries to engage with it unsatisfying. a wicked and foul hex indeed

#sometimes i feel mean for it too bc like on the surface whenever i try to articulate it. it feels like a Less Charitable reading of him #yk #but like im just being fr. i think people think killua gaf abt murder more than he rlly does. its why i cant get into the 99 version of him #& when i say that i mean the whole. feeling megaguilt over killing ppl and thinking Thats the reason why hes a terrible person #like thats his previous job. may as well have been a 9-5 he dont care. the self-hatred comes from ingroup trait prescription #the zoldycks manipulation is mostly about isolation & control so a lotta killuas issues are with social categorization and feeling powerful #at least to me yk its wayyy more about like. how the outgroup perceives him. more than any moral gripe with killing #he hates the alienation it makes him feel small and out of control. the only way he knew how to regain power was thru violence #and he re-encounters this issue when the needle starts acting up in front of ppl he cant just step on & violence stops even being an Option #most of killuas growth is learning that there are Other Options. other things that can & will make him feel better & wont get him shunned #likeeee this is most of why he likes gon so much at first. bc gon dont rlly gaf in a way that makes him part of the defined outgroup either #therefore he was super accessible to killua when he hadnt yet understood that making friends kinda means hes gonna have to conform a little #very little kid way of thinking. which works out cuz hes 11 lmfao #heliichats

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