#it’s me that’s the issue but like hey one thing about me I’m gonna connect lines and make it sound like it’s something when it’s not

[persistentplums]

Nobody move working on thoughts about Brock and Dean similarities that include the fascinating passing down of masculinity especially within the idea of sexuality and sex that both characters are mirrors of and Dean copying Brock within that respect.

Basically Brock in the case of Hank and Dean Venture you ARE the father/mother

[natliyy]

drdt 16 spoilers

I need to spitball my thoughts on charwhit. this reads like I know where I’m going but there’s probably going to be very little connections and cohesion and I am NOT good at analysis pls forgive me. my first actual post of course it’s about it drdt LMAOO

A lot of people have noticed how focused whit was on charles in the latest episode, me included. And now I’m thinking.

and I want YOU to think about it too. whit’s go-to for grieving is to not acknowledge it. everything that happened in ep 16, ace about to die, broken monotv, teruko almost dying, levi getting shot and on the brink of death, so many gorey things. it’s all too much to process, so many unexpected things rapidly happening one after another, and you pile that on top of whits grieving method. he needs to laser-focus in on charles, because there’s a lot of blood, and judging by how min’s execution was, there should probably be more soon. it gives him something to do.

and now this is the part where I Get Confused. And a little Concerned. And things start Falling Apart. triple whammy.

teruko has a machine gun aimed at her. she’s saying what might possibly be her last words, and everyone’s telling her GET OUT OF THE WAY??? HIDE?? (even ARTURO. sounded thoroughly panicked. this isn’t about him but I have thoughts on him too) and you know the weird part? whit likes teruko. he wants to see her smile. he apologizes, and jokes, and knows she doesn’t have to close off her heart the way charles did. but did he say anything to teruko during her execution?

NO?? ABSOLUTELY DID NOT? he says “Charles, stop talking and cover your eyes!” which. Sure. Okay. charles has a pretty strong attachment to teruko. he genuinely likes her. that machine gun would’ve reduced her to bloody mass. he’s gonna be borderline hysterical. like I get it? but dude teruko is about to DIE. you want her to be your friend. I hold some acknowledgement towards mm whit theory but I really think it’s too early for me to believe in that, yet at the same time, if he didn’t call out, didn’t say a word to her, did he like… know she wouldn’t have died? already known how her luck works? I don’t know…

and now we cut to levi getting shot. And this is the part where things start getting more insane with me for no damn reason. there’s blood everywhere, and charles is starting to break down. and you know what whit says?

Hey, dude? What the HELL???

The smell of blood is really strong. Even though I told him not to look, he still…

the choice of words is really messing me up. “Even though I told him.” whit telling charles to cover his eyes was lowk the most forceful we’ve heard him so far. I really can’t decipher this, but I will rewind a little to convey why this line made my skin crawl so much.

in trial 1, whit was pretty damn convincing to the audience. “He’s my friend, of course I’ll argue for his sake!” and telling people to lay off of charles… it was really sweet. very considerate and compassionate.

except in chapter 2, he doubles down. in ep 2, he says something along the lines of, “Oh, I did say he was my friend, didn’t I? Well, that was a total lie! I only said it to make people believe me! But I think he took it to heart, or thinks he owes me…? So, yeah, I’ve decided we’re friends.”

…………. okay my thoughts r falling apart it’s 4 am let me try to think of connecting this somehow

whit seems to know charles is dependant on him. whit also has a history of avoidance and ignoring things that bother him. and let me make it clear, I don’t think these two r some ultra toxic relationship at all. I’m trying to pinpoint their flaws and predict where their relationship will go.

it’s kind of funny? imagine the ultimate matchmaker with commitment issues. though it’s not too far, considering how isolated his childhood probably was.

anyways, I feel like this is all setting up for a shift in dynamic in chapter 3. which is where I get to the part I really want to say: if charwhit’s relationship deteriorates due to Charles’ dependance and Whit staying subtlety dismissive and avoidant, I will be amazed. What seems to be the most sturdy relationship in the series crumbling due to the killing game wearing down on their compatibility is a writing choice that would send me to cloud nine, I think. we know DRDTdev has been subverting troupes since chapter 1. the “tragedy” of this relationship being them growing more unhealthy due to their problems, rather than one of them dying would be so. How can I even articulate it?

although, if whit’s prediction of “Charles Cuevas, dead at 3” comes true, I will simply reach into the screen and strangle him. anyways, that’s all I got. enjoy my braindump maybe

[distorted59]

HIII! I have a request if you have time, but after seeing what you did for Larsy Poo I need, - in fact, I am on my hands and knees for head cannons for James Het PLEASE 🧎🏻‍♀️

Thank you 😊 MWAH

Hey lovely!!! sorry it took a whole while, I'm finally back home and school and work are biting my ass. but, here it is!!! hope you enjoy! @buzzbuzzbowie also asked for this, thank you both! <3

Okay, so if we’re talking about 80s James, (like ‘81-’87), he’s definitely submissive asf!! he’s just… just… he was so shy and pretty LIKE SHUT UP SFKFSKSFSKJS. (he still is)

He def has mommy issues. So, he craves validation and care. Especially in the beginning, he’s still young and just into fame, could learn a thing or two. Once he gets older, more masculine, angrier and his voice deeper and deeper. He still has that need, it’s an itch no one can really scratch but you.

He was sexually inexperienced, (due to his family’s religions he had to leave health class and all that stuff). so just IMAGINE teaching young Jamie some things!!!! oml i’m melting!!!!! 

“Am I doing okay?” James pants from in between your thighs. He’s looking up at you through his bangs that are sticking to his sweaty forehead. His blue eyes twinkling with eagerness and lust.

“You’re doing great, baby.” You reassure him as you caress his hair lovingly. 

“Hmm, you taste so good.” He moans into your pussy and continues fucking you with his tongue.

Loves it when there’s a emotional connection, normally he’d fuck the shit out of girls/groupies without thinking twice. But, he loves it when he’s taken care of.

Loves the aftercare as well!! Cuddling or showering together, loves it when you wash his hair!

praising kink, mommy kink????? i dunno. I just know his whimpers and begging would be so pretty <3. 

Would get jealous pretty fast, he wants all of your attention on HIM. 

He’s also pretty protective of you, even as friends. Like, just imagine you and the bar hanging out at a bar, early Metallica days, and some guys are bothering you. This man would be prepared to throw hands. (just like he did for Larz, cuz he has a big mouth).

He has a big nose, so you can sit on it. (no headcanon tho, it’s the truth.)

He would call you all needy from his hotel room. (I see black album!James in my head). And i mean you know he’s fucking groupies, you know he is. but, he’s never satisfied, you got your fucking claws in him.

“Come on, pick up…” James mutters into the phone, he’s horny and desperate, only wanting to hear your voice.

“Hello?” Your tired voice rings through his ear.

“H-hey, sweetheart.” James stammers. “How are you? i miss you. Did I wake you?” he rushes through his words not wanting to be rude, but he is just so horny.

“hm, I’m good, baby.” you yawn. “You did wake me, but that’s okay.” 

He stays silent for a bit, he’s slowly stroking himself. Just your voice is enough to make him crazy. You can hear some hitched breaths through the phone and decide to play with him a little.

“What are you doing, baby?” 

“N-nothing, I’m just tired.” he quickens his pace, knowing what you’re doing.

“Do you miss me?” you ask, your hand wandering to your panties.

“Fuck, yes. Of course, baby.” 

“I miss you too, your voice, your touch…” You sigh. “you inside of me.”

“Oh, baby…” James lets out a strangled moan. “I need to feel you wrapped around me, I can’t take it.” 

James starts stroking his cock faster while you already have started playing with your clit. 

“Every night when I come off stage. I just think of you and I can’t….” James groans. “Can’t take it… need you here.” 

“You wanna know what I'd do?” 

“Yeah…”

“I’d ride you silly, until you’d see stars.” you moan.

“Fuck, so i can look at your pretty tits?” James gets closer to cumming.

“That’s right, darlin’.” 

“Are you playing with yourself too?” He asks, his mind is driving him wild. He is so jealous of your fingers right now. 

“Mhm.” you hum.

“Oh fuck, gonna cum, baby.” 

“Cum with me, babe.”

Both of you would cum all over yourself and say loving words to each other before falling asleep <3.

Now, if we’re talking about current James. holy fucking shit. the dilfiest fucking dilf on this fucking earth. 

His hands!!!! his fingers are super fucking skilled, this man can WORK them. stroking your hair, holding your hand, squeezing your thighs, making you suck his fingers while you look up at him innocently, lightly squeezing your throat with his other hand when you stop looking at him, finger-fucking you ‘till you cry… I can go on.

James and his cigars>>>>>>

Just imagine you sitting on his thigh, needy and desperate. He’s wearing some bootcut jeans that fit him perfectly. You’re in some comfortable pj shorts and slowly rubbing yourself on the material of his jeans. He’s really enjoying the view while smoking his cigar and puffing the smoke in your face. 

“What’s wrong, baby?” He places his free hand on your hip, secretly guiding your grinding. 

“Need more…” You whimper. “Please.” 

“Hmm… I don’t think so, baby.” he takes another drag and slowly blows the smoke in your face. “I think you can easily cum like this, can’t you?” 

He grins and holds the cigar close to your mouth, making you take a drag. You slowly inhale while maintaining eye-contact, James groans loudly and grips your hip tighter. You blow the smoke back into his face and try to kiss him. 

He gladly accepts the kiss and you can taste the cigar on his lips. You start grinding faster and moan into his mouth. James keeps guiding you and smirks up at your needy state. 

“Gonna cum all over my jeans, princess?”

He’d spoil you like crazy. You don’t want much, just him. but, he still takes care of you in every single way he can. 

 Feel like he might have a breeding kink, daddy kink and all that. He just wants to fill you all up and claim you. Mark you, show the world and everyone in it you are his. <3

 Imagine car rides with James???? I’d sell my left tit for that. (maybe not). Just a chill ride in one of his muscle cars, or his truck, love me some of that. Some music on low volume, the weather’s nice, the sun's about to set. Yes, just yes. 

Or staying at his house for dinner??? I would fucking love to chill in his backyard and he’s working over at the bbq. I just know this man can cook up a mean steak. 

Damn, now I’m hungry for James AND his cooking. 

[mvltisstuff]

hi omg thought of this while rewatching s2 ep3 with the earthquake but okay so there’s the little montage of everyone being happy and eddie running to christopher - but what if there’s something similar for buck? instead of him being with abby he’s dating reader and reader has a lowkey job (maybe librarian at an elementary school?) so when he gets home the first thing he does is yell for reader and then holds them and they both shed a few happy tears just talking about how happy they are that the other is okay.

you’re honestly the bestest and i am saying this in advance that this is gonna be fabulous, as always. PLEASE AND THANK YOU!! <333

something in the orange - e.b

summary: request

evan buckley x reader

gif

a/n: the end of this ask was literally so sweet, i appreciate this so so much and i’m so happy you enjoy my works, that’s why i do them <33

buck was so sick and tired of watching everyone else have someone to run to. he hated having to see everyone in each others arms, watching a warm embrace ensue in front of him, just wanting it to be him instead. it was years on end of him watching kids with their parents, husbands with their wives, friends with their own friends. he always had the quick breakfast with a lay in bed, but he never had the long run of love that was supposed to come with it.

he thought his parents would be able to supply that love for him, but he must’ve been mistaken. they had no issue jumping out on every little thing in his life, nonetheless missing out on it. there was only so much love maddie could give, and he needed every drop of it. he thought maybe, someone mature like abby would come with the cherishing attitude to stay, but it left as fast as she did.

the earthquake had given a huge jumble to bucks brain, being able to save a bunch of people, but just wanted to go home at the same time. it felt selfish, and he hated himself for it, but how could he wish for anything else but just to be with y/n at home? he’s seen calamity and chaos the entire day, a constant strain of it into his shift. he’s seen death, broken bones, sobs, blood, anything that one doesn’t want to see. it took incredible pursuing to make bobby let buck take a break, but he could see he needed it.

he held his phone shakily in his hand, squinting over y/n’s name on the screen being darkened by the sunlight. he was nervous to even press the call button, not knowing if she’d be the one to pick it up, or an emergency responder who had her phone.

“hi, baby,” her sweet voice rang through the phone, leading him to sigh out and he couldn’t contain the light smile that formed on his lips. “are you ok?”

“i’m fine, i just wanted to hear your voice, make sure you’re ok.”

“we’re alright over here, there’s still kids here that need to get picked up, but they’re going pretty well with the evacuations.”

“i’m sorry i didn’t get over there, i got sent in the opposite direction.” y/n was working at the school on the other side of the city. buck was, of course, sent to work on the east side. he wanted to be able to save her, even if she wasn’t in trouble. he wanted to touch her so he knew she was breathing and alright, but he’d have to wait.

“don’t apologize, you’re doing amazing, buck,” she reassures him, letting his mind relax for a moment as she speaks to him. “go do your job, i’ll see you tonight, i promise.”

“i just want to see you.”

“i know, but you can in a few hours. do it for me, ok?”

“i love you, so much.”

“i love you, too, buck.”

the moment his fingers connected with the cold metal of the door, he instantly twisted it open to reveal the dim, yellowish lighting in his home. he felt like the introduction to his apartment felt like the ground stopped shaking. he was so excited to be able to rest, lay in his bed with y/n in his arms.

the thick soles of his shoes thumped against the ground as he threw his bags onto the floor. his shoulders instantly slumped and his feet automatically led to the stairs.

“hey,” y/n spoke, drying her hair with a towel to the side as it rested on her shoulder.

“hi.” he replied, slowly blinking his eyes.

“baby, you’re exhausted.” y/n steps forward down a few steps, standing a few inches taller than buck for once. her hands run over his shoulder blades, wandering over his skin and magically lifting the tension and stress from the earthquake.

“i know,” he says. “i just wanted you so bad today. there wasn’t a minute where you weren’t on my mind.”

“i’m here for good, buck. i’m not going anywhere, and i want you to get some rest.” she grabs his hand, pulling him up the steps and leading him to sit on the bed. he strips down to his boxers, leaving him shirtless as he puts on a warm hoodie that y/n handed him. he stops by the bathroom, washing his face as y/n prepares the bed for the two of them.

“i got you ice water, i left it on the nightstand.” y/n smiles softly up at him as he walks back in. “i turned the AC up, since you like it cold and i turned on the mattress heater.”

“you treat me too well, honey.”

“you did amazing work today, you deserve the treatment of a saint. come lay with me, please?”

“don’t have to ask twice.”

he crawls back into the bed as y/n dims the lights and turns their TV on. the white lights brighten their faces as he leans into her chest. his cheek rests right against the middle of her breasts, over her heart.

her arm is wrapped warmly around under his arm, the other hand rubbing his short hair. one of his legs lay between hers, his hands running against her sides. he breathes softly matching the rhythm of her, letting the noises of her gentle words and quiet noises from the TV lull him to sleep, allowing his deserving body to rest against the person he calls home.

[potofstewie]

Approval? Not a Chance

Hey y'all! This is one (3/5) of my submissions for @renhoeku's Rengoku Birthday Month Collab. If you wish to join, then please check out their post regarding the collab! This fic was somewhat inspired by THG:Catching Fire. I wanted to write about Kyojuro from a slightly outside perspective using reader and Shinjuro.

Things to know: angst to comfort, established relationship, platonic!Shinjuro

W/C: 3.1k

not proofread and uploaded at 2am so i apologize for any mistakes

Kyojuro anxiously fidgeted with the hair tie in his battle worn hands, his worry filled gaze looking in the mirror. Today was a very special day, an extremely special day. Today was the day that Kyojuro Rengoku, your loving and wonderful boyfriend, would finally introduce you to his family. 

Finally putting his hair into a neat ponytail after three failed attempts, your boyfriend sighed softly; wondering how the day would go. He knew that Senjuro would love you, he’d always ask about you in his letters while Kyojuro was away or pester him when he was home. Senjuro was fine. The issue resided in his father. He had brought you up only three times to his father in the past; the first time was to ask for advice on how to ask you out which didn’t turn out too well. All his father said before turning his back to him was a simple yet stern, “My advice? Save her the trouble of dealing with you.” 

The second time was when he informed his father about his successful mission in calling you his girl. The Rengoku senior’s response? “She must be stupid.” It took a bit of willpower and strength for Kyojuro to stop his hand from connecting with his father’s face. The third and final time? Just yesterday when he told him about you coming over to meet. As per usual, his father’s response was nothing but negativity. “Don’t embarrass her, Kyojuro.” 

Whatever that meant. 

With that thought, Kyojuro huffed in slight annoyance as he smoothed out his hakama. He didn’t expect his father to be the cheerful and passionate man he once was, he didn’t expect him to converse with you as if you were his very own daughter. All he wanted, truthfully and realistically, was for his father to say a short greeting and go back to his room. “It’ll be fine. She’ll be fine. I’ll be fine, we’ll be fine.” Kyojuro muttered softly as he watched his eyebrows relax in his reflection, thinking back to when you told him that his eyebrows were one of your favorite things about his body. 

A soft knock resounded on his door, the even softer voice of his brother followed. “Anuie, um, are you ready?” Dear, Kami-Sama. This was the fifth time today that Senjuro had asked him if he was ready, the first time waking him up from his sleep. Kyojuro beamed as he opened the door, incandescent eyes drinking in his brother’s contained excitement that filled his face. He loved his brother, and he absolutely loved how much he loved you. Even though Senjuro only knew you from his letters, it was obvious just how much you meant to his little brother. Senjuro would often dream of you, hugging him and brushing his hair; all the motherly things he didn’t get to experience. 

“Now,” Patting Senjuro’s head, he walked past his brother and closed the door, “I’m ready.” A giant smile instantly grew on Senjuro’s face as he followed his older brother to the front gate, happiness radiating off of his small frame. As Kyojuro fixed the zori on his feet, Senjuro gave him a small blue box; golden koi fish and cranes decorated it. 

“This is for her, Anuie. Make sure to not eat it before you get there.” Senjuro warned, evoking a hearty laugh from his Anuie. Senjuro didn’t understand what was so funny. He was finally gonna meet you and he wanted to make a good first impression but his brother thought this was a laughing matter! 

“I feel like you’re more excited today than me, Senjuro. If I wasn’t so wise I’d even say you’d wanna date her!” Seeing Senjuro’s face dawn a bright red shade, Kyojuro folded his arms in amusement and understanding. “Don’t worry, she already thinks highly of you. And I’ll make sure to not eat your gift. I promise.” 

Senjuro simply nodded before shooing his brother onto the street. “J-Just hurry up, I still have a lot to do in the kitchen.” And with his brother’s final words, Kyojuro embarked on his journey to your house, heart fluttering with both excitement and worry with each step. 

Shutting the door behind his brother, Senjuro released a small sigh, anxiety running through his veins. He truly wanted today to go well, he didn’t want you to run off at the sight of their broken family. Turning around, Senjuro jumped in surprise as he saw his father lean against the wall, sharp eyes gazing at the door. “Father, you startled me, I didn’t expect you to be there.” 

“She should just dump him.” He said gruffly, crossing his arms. Senjuro blinked, taken aback by his father’s words. 

“What- do you mean, Father?” He inquired, nervous hands gripping his hakama. Shinjuro grunted before walking off. 

“She’d be better off if she stopped wasting her time with him. All he’ll do is bring her down.” Was all he said to a shocked and albeit hurt, Senjuro. He knew about the opinions his father held against his sons and was familiar with them every time he went on a drunken spiel, but to hear him say that regarding his older brother’s lover was something he didn’t expect. Sighing and walking towards the kitchen, Senjuro just hoped his father was wrong and that things would work out.

Kyojuro  released a soft chuckle at the scene that unfolded before him. Next to him on the edge of the engawa, you looked at Senjuro with so much patience and care as he stuttered in trying to converse with you. His face was beet red as he tried to share with you his hobbies, the boy’s eyes looking anywhere but you. You, on the other hand, thought it was all adorable; seeing a miniature Kyojuro all bashful and shy, the complete opposite of the actual Kyojuro. 

The day so far had gone as smoothly as any of you had hoped for. Although you were a bit disappointed in not meeting Kyojuro’s father, you did understand their situation and sympathized; who wouldn’t go in a depressive state after losing the love of their life? In fact, if you were being absolutely honest, you’d probably be stuck in such a state if Kyojuro died. Then again, you were also a bit grateful that he hadn’t appeared all now; the memories of Kyojuro informing you of his father’s stern demeanor entering your mind. 

Taking another sip of his tea, Kyojuro watched with love filled eyes as you softly reassured Senjuro and patted his head; the young boy nearly crumbling at the action. He knew the two of you would get along perfectly, but not this perfect. You being in the Rengoku estate was like a new light had entered a dark and damp cave, warming up the cold earth. For the first time in a long time, his home felt full, complete, put back together. 

“Y-Yes but if I had to choose, pickled plums would be- father!” Senjuro’s explanation was cut short as the abrupt arrival of their father sucked out the air around you, the once engulfing warmth being replaced with mind numbing coldness. Kyojuro whipped his head around to see a look of absolute disapproval in his father’s sharp features; his eyes looking at his eldest before resting on your now nervous façade. Standing up, you wiped your hands on your kimono before bowing. 

“Rengoku-Sama, i-it’s a pleasure to finally meet you. I am-” Your nervous introduction was cut short by Shinjuro, his battle worn hand raising itself to stop you. Your breath hitched at his motion, what if he already hated you? Was it because you wore the wrong attire? Or was it simply because he was one of those old men that didn’t think those younger than them should speak out of turn? Oh, Kami-Sama, you thought. Just let him be upset at my attire and nothing else. 

“I know who you are. I’m only telling you this for your own good; you’re making a mistake.” He stated, sharp incandescent eyes swimming with multitudes of emotion. As you slowly processed his cryptic words, you began to dissect the mixed look he gave you. His face carried nothing but annoyance but his eyes, his eyes held worry, nostalgia and..sorrow? What did he mean by this? Surely, he meant that it would be a mistake to love someone with a higher, more noble status than you, right? Sucking air through your teeth, you watched as Kyojuro asked the very question on your mind, confusion and barely hidden hurt laced in his eyes. 

“What do you mean, Father?” He asked in an abnormally soft voice, searching for any hint or answer in his father’s features. He didn’t understand. His father barely knew you, just your name and that you make his son trip over his own feet and disrupt his concentration breathing by giving him a simple smile. You held so much power over him and that wasn’t a bad thing, right? His father was like that when his mother was alive, hell he was probably a bigger love-sick fool than he let on. 

“I meant what I said. She should be smart enough to figure it out. You know what we are, don’t you y/n? You understand perfectly and you’d be a fool to do anything but follow my words.” He said gruffly, eyes searching your face for the moment you figured it out; the moment you met him on the same wavelength. Without waiting for a proper response or question from any of you, Shinjuro left the engawa, leaving behind the three of you in a perplexed stupor. 

With a slight frown, Kyojuro stood up and bowed. “I’m really sorry, y/n. My father he- you shouldn’t take his words to heart, he’s just-” Sighing and admitting defeat for lack of reasoning, he sank down to the wooden floor once more, a reassuring smile on his lips and saddened eyes resting on the sunset before turning to you, rough hands encasing your own. “I just didn’t think he’d leave his room. But never mind that, I should take you back home now, before it gets dark.” 

You gave him a slight nod and that soft smile he absolutely adored, your heart banging with twinged sorrow and hope. At least he didn’t think lowly of you and went into a drunken rage. Senjuro rested his hand on your shoulder, giving it a light squeeze. “Anuie is right, father’s words can get a bit jumbled up when he's not all there. I’ll go pack you some snacks to bring home.” Shooting a narrowed gaze at his elder brother, his next words were laced with a cold warning. “Do not eat them on the way there, Anuie.” Hissing his words to his older brother, Senjuro quickly left for the kitchen, his eyes not leaving his brother until he was out of view. 

Chuckling, Kyojuro rubbed the back of his neck. “He really does cherish you, I’d say he likes you a bit more than me!” You released a quick, short breath, humoring your boyfriend’s comment as your mind traveled elsewhere. You knew what his family was, what they were known for by those who did the same line of work. You knew and saw the potential dangers Kyojuro’s occupation entailed; evident by the couple of nights he would stumble into your home battered and bruised. You thought it was amazing and down right inspirational, seeing your boyfriend carry the torch from his father and ancestors with pride and dignity. At times you even envied him, possessing practically unlimited stamina and burning passion to fight for the weak. 

Getting up, Kyojuro outstretched his hand for you to take, helping you up with ease. “Let’s get going, Sunflower. I can carry you all the way home if you wish.” Kyojuro ushered, gently pulling you along but stopping as he felt you stay in place. You had a hunch, based on Shinjuro’s words. He was a stern man, and from what Kyojuro had said about him from when he was a child, one that upheld a code of honor and justice. He and his wife were together for a while, managing to have two wonderful children in their time. His mother must’ve fretted over her husband every time he was out on a mission. Could that be the reasoning behind Shinjuro’s cryptic yet crystal clear words? Was he asking you to not be worried over his son?

“Kyojuro, wait, please.” You said, your short spell of silence finally broken. With a cocked eyebrow, Kyojuro looked at you with curiosity and tender love.

“Hm? What is it?” You let go of his hand as you dithered, the warmth leaving your hands as you were unsure how your request would come off. 

“I wish to speak to your father,” Kyojuro’s face quickly morphed into one of utter confusion and bewilderment. “It’s just for a moment and then we can go.” You bit your lip as you watched the gears in your boyfriend’s head turn, clearly thinking hard about his answer. “Just show me to his room, I want to talk to him about something important.” 

“Regarding his words?” Kyojuro asked as you nodded quickly to his question. Looking down the corridor his father disappeared down, he sighed softly. “Alright, I’ll take you to him. But, I cannot predict anything he says so if he says anything brash, just ignore it.” He complied, grabbing your hand again before guiding you down the darkening hallway. Stopping in front of the closed screen door, Kyojuro knocked on the wood. 

“Father, y/n would like to say goodbye before we leave.” Opening the door, Kyojuro revealed to you a depressing scene; his father sitting and facing the darkening sky, his back being the only thing greeting you both. Entering the room, you shut the door behind you, a quiet yet clear signal that what you had to say was between you and his father.

Sitting down at the door, your senses soaked in the lingering scent of sake and the chill of the room. For a few pensive moments, it was silent. Shinjuro didn’t turn around as you shuffled closer and closer, finally stopping next to him. “Rengoku-Sama?” You called as you watched his sharp eyes continue to gaze out, not bothering to give you any attention. “Rengoku-Sama, you’re concerned, aren’t you? Concerned about me and how I’d manage if Kyojuro die-”

“When he dies. When.” He corrected quickly. “The damned idiot is destined to die early. It would’ve been one thing to die and not leave anyone that loves him behind but now you’re in the picture. And he’s an idiot for making you face such a possibility.” And with his last words, he looked at you, eyes swimming with sympathy. “I was an idiot for making Ruka worry every time I left, always waiting for a crow to tell her I died. I wouldn’t wish that on you. I don’t want that for you.” You blinked in slight shock, drinking in his words. “You seem like an alright person, someone that deserves the best, normal life possible. This isn’t normal. Having the one you love risk their life nearly every night fighting demons, isn’t normal.” He finished, fingers weaving and cracking themselves as he waited for your response. 

You had to admit, you thought about the daunting possibility of Kyojuro dying on a mission, worried to hear his crow tell you the news of him dying with honor. His work life wasn’t an ideal one, especially when considering the domestic dream you both shared. But, that’s also what you loved about him. How he was able to protect people from what goes bump in the night, to be able to stare right at the perpetrators of inhuman cruelty and live to tell the tale. How he managed to see terrifying scenes of men, women and children killed and blood splattered everywhere yet still uphold that tantalizing smile that seemed to warm everything around it. 

“I..understand what you mean.” You spoke softly, a small smile gracing your lips. “I get a bit afraid too whenever he’s away. I try not to think about it  but the fear is always there. I’ve also thought about the possibility of him dying as well and if I were to be honest, I might not take it too well.” Shinjuro’s eyes widened a bit, taken aback by your honesty. “However, I think that just goes to show how much I love him, don't you think? To love someone so much that them reaching the end of their short life span would be absolutely devastating. But, I think the manner in which he dies will make me feel very proud.” 

Your smile grew a bit wider as you looked out to the sky. “Kyojuro is a man who upholds a strong sense of duty and justice. He believes that protecting the weak from those that misuse their strength is his birthright and I admire him for that. He truly understands the weight his righteous mission brings on his shoulders. He appreciates the little things in life. So, for him to die in battle, would be the best way he could die.” Looking again at Shinjuro, you took in his slightly furrowed eyebrows; sake drenched mind trying its best to take in your words. “I’m okay, not being able to live a normal life with a normal man. I love the extraordinary aspects of life, I fell in love with an extraordinary man! And I wouldn’t trade that in for nothing.” 

Standing up, you brushed off your kimono, nimble fingers running over the detailed fabric. “Rengoku-Sama, thank you for being concerned about my future and worrying about what’s best for me. You truly are a nice person. But you needn’t worry anymore. I’ll be alright, I promise. Take care, now.” You said softly, finally leaving Shinjuro to his lonesome as you left the room. 

Hearing yours and Kyojuro’s footsteps recede down the hall, the elder Rengoku sighed, mulling over your endearing words about his son. He hadn’t really thought about it in that way; having death in battle be the most optimal and respectful end to his son’s life. Instead, he used to see it as a way to show how weak a slayer was, a way to show to the world how talentless the person was while alive. Shinjuro felt his lips curl ever so slightly at the thought of you. The once chilled room seemed to flood with embracing warmth as Shinjuro’s gaze fell on the lone headstone under the blue wisteria.

“Kyojuro really did choose a good one, right Ruka?”

ᴘʟᴇᴀꜱᴇ ᴅᴏɴ'ᴛ ᴛʀᴀɴꜱʟᴀᴛᴇ, ꜱᴛᴇᴀʟ, ʙɪɴᴅ ᴏʀ ʀᴇᴘᴏꜱᴛ ᴀꜱ ʏᴏᴜʀꜱ. ᴀʟʟ ʀɪɢʜᴛꜱ ɢᴏ ᴛᴏ ᴘᴏᴛᴏꜰꜱᴛᴇᴡɪᴇ™ 2023

Tags: @ledafox @yuuuriiinaa-chaaannn @gingerspicelattemix @mitsuris-pussy

[illusionsdelusions101]

could you write a enemies to lovers story but about gavi. Pleaseee

Barrier~Pablo Gavi

A/N: Sorry for being gone for so long! Writer’s block hit me hard and i have no new ideas :( request all you want! it won’t let me upload the image without it being like 2 pixels so i’ll try and sort the issue out in a later fix :) have a gif instead

You and Gavi… Weren’t on the best of terms. Fermín introduced you guys to each other a couple years back. You’re Irish, going to Trinity College and you decided it would be good to take a gap year before you went. When you arrived, your good friend Fermín picked you up. 

“Hey!” Fer waved to you and you rushed over to him. You hugged him and put his bags in the car. You sit in the front seat, and he drives. “So, how are you?” He smiles. “I’m grand, thanks. How are you?” You smile back. “I’m good. You’re Irish lingo is gonna be hard to keep track off.” He laughs. “I mean you speak Spanish and I don’t, basically gonna be a tough year.” You grin. “Maybe you would pick up some Spanish, or would you try to learn the language?” He asks. You nod. “I might look into trying to learn it.” And you look out the window.

When you arrive at Fer’s place, you hear him hiss in annoyance. “What’s up?” You ask while taking your bags out of the car. “I forgot my friends are coming over for game night. I’m so sorry.” He buries his head in his hands. “It’s alright, I’ll just stay in the guest bedroom.” You smile. “Thanks. They’re some flirts so I don’t want them getting with you and just leaving you.” He takes your bags out of your hands and both of you start walking to the front door, he drops the bags gently on the floor, and opens the door. He takes the bags and puts them in the guest bedroom, right by the kitchen. “I get it, I wouldn’t let you go out with some of my girlies.” You chuckle. He looks at you confused. “Girlies…?” He arches an eyebrow. You shake your head and tell him that it doesn’t matter. He goes and gets the games ready while you go and unpack. 

It’s been some time, and you were getting peckish. You knew Fer bought some snacks for you and Tayto’s. You were craving your homeland’s favourite snack. You heard the shouts of Spanish lads outside your door. You heard them come in a while ago. You figured you could just sneak in the kitchen. I mean, it was right next to the guest bedroom you were staying in anyways. You decided that you will. You slowly opened the door and slipped into the kitchen. The only problem is though, the kitchen connects into the living room, and there is no door so you prayed that they were too busy on.. FIFA.

You opened a cupboard, revealing your love, Tayto’s. You take them but for some reason. The lads went quiet at that second so they heard the crunch of the bag. As if they were meerkats or something, they all looked at you at the same time. Everyone froze. Cheering from the FIFA game was louder then ever it seems. One said something to you in Spanish. Fer was panicking, but just a teeny bit. He says something and all the boys ‘ahh’ in realisation. You thought about just going back in your room, so that’s what you were planning to do.  But before you could take a step, Fer called your name and rushed over to you. “Everyone, this is Y/N. Y/N, this is Pedri, Ansu, Gavi, Lamine, Félix, Marc, Ferran, Héctor, Balde and Pau.” He points to each one and they say hi. “Right, cheers lads, nice to meet ye.” You say. “What’s that thing your doing with your voice?” Gavi asked. Everyone looked at him. “Dude, she’s Irish.” Pedri hit his arm. “Your accent doesn’t sound good, sounds like nails scratching a chalkboard.” He grimaces at the thought. You scoff. “Okay Spanish lad, fuck off you prick.” Gavi rolls his eyes and so do you. “Yeah yeah, whatever.” He waves his hand to dismiss you. “Fucking dickhead.” You whisper loud enough for him to hear but before he gives out, the click of the door was already heard. You and Gavi hated each other now. 

~Two months later~

Gavi is falling for you. That lasted, right? Your accent got more attractive to him for some reason, your eyes how they sparkles when talking about something you enjoyed, your hair in the Barça sun, etc. But he only got to notice those things from afar, because anytime he would so much take a step near you, you scowled and walked away. And he couldn’t just randomly start acting nice. He was in deep shit. He started picking up on your Irish vocab, but not a lot. He just wanted to get a chance with you, whenever you guys were arguing, something as little as not hanging his coat up properly on the hangers in Fer’s house, your arguments, as they progressed, you guys would start giving out to each other in your own language. At some point, while you guys were spewing insults in your languages (which the guys were super annoyed about), he complimented you. Calling you super pretty and he could argue with you forever if that meant he could talk to you. The lads looked at him with wide eyes. You thought, with those surprised looks on their faces, that he said something horrible, so you left. The guys teased Gavi all night. 

You on the other hand, were slowly beginning to have a crush on Gavi, after being too bored on TikTok, you got recommended a Gavi edit, and you blush too hard at the edit, and then you proceeded to watch 100 more. You were learning Spanish, and you were getting good at it, you knew a lot so you could finally surprise Fer with your knowledge now. And Gavi. Not like that, more like now you could understand what he was saying about you while arguing, and you could stare and drown into his deep brown eyes some more. Shite, you weren’t beginning to have a crush, you already had one. 

Fer had another game night with the lads, making it perfect for randomly getting a drink. You slip out of your room and go to where Fer keeps the glasses. You take a glass and pour yourself some Lucozade, (Fer’s treat after you payed for groceries) and you hear a scoff. “That’s gonna make your teeth gone all rotten, your smile isn’t any good anyways.” Gavi smirks. All the other lads sigh in annoyance for this night’s fight. “Póg mo thóin.” You hiss at him. “Me gustaria besarte por todas partes, hermosa.” He says in a spiteful tone. You stop dead in your tracks. “Qué?” You look at him with wide eyes. The match is paused and Gavi looks like he’s about to piss himself. “Entendiste eso?” He asks. “Sí.” You whisper. Fer and the lads leave the room, giving you some privacy. Gavi looks at you. “Have you understood me for a long time?”He questions. “I’ve only learned Spanish to understand you now.” You walk over to him and sit down beside him. “Do you like me?” You ask. He nods his head. “For a while now.” He adds. “Well…. I like you too.” You smile. His eyes light up. “Really?” his eyes light up in excitement. “Yes.” You chuckle. He hugs you.

“I’m so glad we got over our selfs and that stupid language barrier.” You whisper in his ear, he pulls you out of the hug and gives you a gentle kiss.

[cal-daisies-and-briars]

❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️🪞🪞🪞🪞🪞🪞🪞🪞🪞🪞🪞🪞🪞🪞🪞🪞🪞🪞🪞🪞🪞🪞🪞🪞🪞🪞🪞🪞🪞🪞🪞🪞🪞

93 for ❄️:

---

Eddie exhales. “Okay. I, uh… I trust you.”

And he does. For whatever reason. He does. 

ix.

A few days later, Eddie books the weekend of the Cardinals game off from work no issue. Bobby is practically giddy to send him off.

“This will be good for you, Eddie,” he says. “I’m really happy to hear you’re meeting, well, literally half way.”

“Thank you, Bobby,” Eddie says, cheeks a little warm. There’s something about encouragement from Bobby that goes further for him than most people. He sees why Buck is sort of hooked on it. It’s easier to believe in yourself, when Bobby believes in you.

For a second, Eddie has the strange urge to tell Bobby everything. To come out to him. To tell him all about therapy and Charlie and that he really is doing better. He’s being better. He thinks Bobby would be proud of him. 

But he doesn’t say anything. 

His mouth simply doesn’t open when his brain tries to convey the thought. 

▪️▪️▪️

Buck is, of course, ecstatic for him. 

They chat about it while restocking the engine that afternoon. He’s tried texting Charlie about it, too. But he must already be traveling to see his brother, because he hasn’t replied yet. 

“Man, this is great,” Buck grins at him when Eddie explains the situation. “This is going to change things. I can feel it.”

“You can feel it, huh?” Eddie raises an eyebrow.

“Yep,” Buck insists. “He’s going to be surly at first, but then he’ll realizes how much he misses you, and he’ll go back to El Paso, and your mom will annoy him-”

“Wait, what?” Eddie asks. 

“You think you’re the only person on earth who finds her annoying?” Buck asks.

“Should you be insulting my mom?” Eddie asks, genuinely unsure.

“Yes,” Buck replies. “After what I witnessed in May? Yes.”

“Fair enough,” Eddie mutters.

“Anyway, your mom’ll get on his nerves, and he’ll be less angry, and he’ll remember, hey, Dad is never this uptight, and boom, you’ll be booking flights to go get him,” Buck says. 

Eddie smiles softly. “I think it’s a bit more complicated than that. But I appreciate your optimism.”

Buck shrugs. 

“Name one time in my life I’ve ever been wrong about…” Buck trails off, looking at a point beyond Eddie. His expression changes. “Uh, hello? Can we help you?”

Eddie looks over his shoulder to see a tall, familiar looking man walk into the station. He’s dressed in street clothing, bouncing car keys back and forth between his hands. It takes Eddie maybe three seconds to recognize him in person, rather than over Zoom. 

Charlie.

Charlie… 

Why is Charlie here?

“Charlie?” Eddie asks. 

Charlie stops short. “Eddie?” 

Buck looks between them. “You guys know each other?”

“Wh-why are you here?” Eddie asks. “I didn’t… I didn’t tell you where I worked.”

“You work… You work here.” Charlie’s face is pale. “This is… Oh, Jesus.”

“You’re not here for me,” Eddie realizes aloud. “You’re here for…”

His brother.

All at once, the dots connect in Eddie’s brain. Like tiny, individual puncture wounds. The brother who’s an addict. Dead sister-in-law. Dead niece and nephew. Both of them left their home state… Now, all Eddie can see is the identical hazel of their eyes. Oh fuck. 

“Eddie?” Buck asks.

“I’m sorry,” Charlie blurts. “I had no idea. Eddie, I had no idea.”

A fourth voice enters the conversation, a few paces away from Buck and Eddie. 

“Guys, what’s going… Charlie?” 

Bobby. 

---

I can't quite give you 99 for 🪞, because of reasons. Gonna wrap up the first chapter after this snippet. So here's something:

---

Another shrug.

Fair enough. How does a kid know how to screen a potential parent? Again. She’s just six.

“Well, how about this,” he suggests. “I’ll tell you a bit about me, and you can stop me and ask whatever you want? Or tell me anything about you?”

“Okay,” she says, then takes a sip of juice. 

“Alright, so,” Buck says, then trails off a little. This is harder than he thought. “Well, you know I’m a firefighter. And that’s kind of my favorite thing. But… Uh, I also like to cook. And be active.”

Why is he saying this like it’s a dating profile? 

“Uh, okay, and… I have an older sister. Maddie. I have a niece. My best friend, Eddie, he’s also one of the firefighters you met… He lives around the corner. He’s super fun.”

Dove looks a little overwhelmed with all the information. None of this means anything to her. At least not yet. 

Buck takes a deep breath and recalibrates. 

“Have you been to the zoo before, Dove?”

She shakes her head. 

“Well, I really like to go to the zoo. Maybe you and I can go together sometime?”

Dove considers this. 

“Okay,” she nods. “To see reptiles?”

Buck smiles. She really likes those reptiles, huh? 

“Absolutely,” he promises. “There’s a whole big building full of them.”

“Cool,” she says, a coy little smile on her face. Like she’s nervous about finally getting something she wants. 

“What’s your favorite reptile?” Buck asks. “Crocodiles?”

“And turtles,” she says. “And tortoises.”

“Oh, yeah. They’re super cool, too.”

“They take their houses with them,” she announces. 

“They do,” Buck nods. “That’s pretty neat.”

[teekl-darling]

Finally reading the Invincible comics (I watched the show first), I think I’m gonna liveblog my reactions.

So far I’ve read up to the end of Issue #13, which is where season 1 ends in the animated series. And boy do I have thoughts. Spoilers below the cut.

1. William referring to himself as a “chick magnet” gave me whiplash

2. Eve cancelled for slut-shaming multiple women???

3. Black Samson had a butler?????

4. “I can always produce more offspring” It just doesn’t quite hit the same, does it?

Fascinating to see all the ways they made the show more politically correct. I am enjoying the comics, but I can see what people mean when they say the show has improved on a lot of things (not just representation-wise but also story-wise and narratively). That subway scene? WAY more devastating and impactful in the show than it was in the comics.

Plus, Rex is significantly more obnoxious in the show and I LOVE that for him, please let him shout and be annoying. Let him be a jerk outside of the fact he cheated on Eve. And yet at the same time, the show also makes him way more sympathetic?? Which I’m very much here for. In the comics, it’s just “Hey babe I’m cheating on you now lol”

In the show, we get to see that buildup of Rex’s jealousy and insecurity towards Mark (even though it is hinted at that he had a problem with cheating before Mark came into the picture). We get to see a more human side of Rex, an ugly side but a relatable one nonetheless. You can at least see where he’s coming from, even though he’s in the wrong.

I love that the show explores a deeper connection between Mark and Debbie than in the comics. That conversation between them on the back porch is everything. It adds a lot more weight to that final confrontation.

The one area where I think the show stumbled a bit, is how they handled Cecil. In the comics, he is formally introduced way later than in the show, only after Mark gets beaten into a mountainside by his father. In the show, Cecil is introduced right away, but… he doesn’t really have anything meaningful to do, does he? Like think about it. Nothing he does beyond the comic material really impacts the outcome of that final fight. There is no reason for him to come into the story as early as he does. And I hate to say this because I adore Cecil and his animated adaptation got me feeling some kinda way. I love every single moment that he is onscreen. I just wish, if they were going to make him a more major player throughout the first season, that they would’ve given him a way to impact the plot in a more meaningful way. Because otherwise it makes all his precautions and super-government-spy shenanigans look like so much bluster. Who knows, maybe my opinion on this will change when I read the second volume.

So yeah that’s my unfiltered reaction. Knowing me, I might tack more onto this later because I am prone to forgetting things, also I could write multiple essays about each of these characters.

[surftrips]

LABYRINTH

OBX WRITING WEEK DAY 3 — RELUCTANT FRIENDS TO LOVERS W/ SARAH CAMERON

word count: 1.8k

summary: y/n must figure out why she doesn’t receive an invite to her best friend, sarah cameron’s birthday party.

a/n: yes, this is based on the kiara sarah birthday storyline but i couldn't help myself, it's just so queercoded. almost halfway through obx writing week, let's go woooo!

Breathe in, breathe through, breathe deep, breathe out. You were repeating the words over and over in an effort to calm yourself down.

You just found out that you did not get invited to your best friend, Sarah Cameron’s birthday party. And you had to hear about it from the girls who did get invited. 

You were standing outside of your math classroom when you them talking.

“Oh my god, I can’t believe I got invited!”

“Me neither! Do you think Rafe will be there?” 

You couldn’t believe what you were hearing. Not only were the girls invited to your best friend’s party instead of you, they only wanted to go for her older brother. These girls didn’t even know Sarah like you did. 

You recounted the past week, wondering what you could have possibly done to upset Sarah. You knew your friend was sensitive sometimes, but you had never had any issues before. What had changed? 

You decided that after school, you would approach Sarah about this. Maybe it was all a big misunderstanding. Maybe you would get your invite after school, along with a much needed hug. 

But when the bell rang after last period, Sarah was nowhere to be seen. You looked in all your usual meetup spots, asked around, even checked to see that she wasn’t staying late with any teachers. 

Sighing, you decided to text her. 

Hey Sarah, can we talk? 

No response. 

Are you still at school?

One minute, five, then ten and still nothing. 

Exasperated, you gave up. If Sarah wasn’t going to communicate with you, then there was no use talking to a brick wall. 

In your bedroom, you desperately tried to focus on your homework, but to no avail. Usually Sarah would be here with you, both of you struggling to do basic math and laughing at each other. 

One particular memory came to mind:

“Sarah, I’m literally so stressed right now. Why would they schedule two tests on the same day?”

“Y/N, you got this, it’s going to be okay.” 

“How do you know that? This is going to make or break my grade for this semester.” 

“I know it is, but you’re gonna be amazing. You always are.” 

You smiled. She always knew what to say. Sarah would break her back just to make you break a smile. Now, she wouldn’t even respond to your text. 

Come to think of it, Sarah had begun acting weird around you earlier in the week, but you didn’t give it much thought. You knew that Sarah’s home life wasn’t super easy, that sometimes she got anxious and needed time to herself. But Sarah always talked to you about it after a while. Suddenly, you wondered if maybe things were worse than she thought. But if she wasn’t getting along with her family, why would she throw her birthday party at Tanny Hill? 

All of this overthinking wasn’t helping you, so you decided to call it a night. Foolishly, you chose to believe that Sarah’s phone had just died. Along with a bunch of other coincidences that explained why she wasn’t talking to you. Anything to help you sleep better at night. 

In the morning, your heart dropped when you didn’t get your usual good morning text from Sarah. Something was terribly wrong and the thought of your best friend being mad at you made you sick. You contemplated calling out of school, but you knew that that was also your best chance at seeing Sarah. 

Throwing on a pair of sweatpants and a loose fitted t-shirt, you pulled yourself out of the house and into your car. You silently cursed your Jeep for automatically connecting to your BlueTooth and playing Sar + Y/N/N’s Jams, the playlist you and Sarah had made at the beginning of sophomore year. You had made a bet about who would get their license first, and though you both got it around the same time, it was a tradition that Sarah be the passenger princess. 

Now, the seat next to yours was empty.

Pulling into the school parking lot, you searched for any of the Cameron’s vehicles. She had to have gotten to school somehow. You couldn’t imagine she would carpool with someone else.

As the day went on, you were growing increasingly more anxious. By lunchtime, tears threatened to fall from your eyes, but you composed yourself before they did. 

By the end of the day, you were furious. Sadness and worry had grown into anger. You would never do something like this to Sarah. Didn’t she know how sick you felt? How much sleep you had lost over her last night? At this point, you didn’t even care about the birthday party anymore. You just wanted to know what you did that was so awful, she would ghost you like this. 

The week went on, and your eyebags and temper grew progressively worse. By Friday, the day of the party, you were practically buzzing with indignation. You couldn’t stand to hear one more person talk about the party, one more person ask what you were wearing, one more thought about Sarah Cameron, your ex-best friend. 

That night, you did the one thing you could think of to get back at her. You called the cops on her party. You knew that there would be alcohol and probably some other substances, maybe the music would be too loud. You also knew that the Camerons were far too wealthy to face any real consequences, so you called purely out of spite. Just to ruin the mood, as Sarah had been doing to you all week. 

After the phone call, you had the best sleep you’ve had all week.

In the morning, you were abruptly woken up by the sound of your phone ringing. And ringing, and ringing. Who the hell is calling me on a Saturday morning?

You stared at the bright screen of your phone as your eyes adjusted to the light. 

Incoming call: Sarah Cameron &lt;3

Oh, of course she wants to talk now. You contemplated not even picking up, just blocking her number and moving on. But deep down, you knew that you would regret that. 

You answered, but didn’t say a word.

“What the fuck?” her voice said, seemingly so far away. 

“Don’t ‘what the fuck’ me! What the fuck is wrong with you, Sarah?” 

“Why would you call the cops on my party?”

“I can’t believe you’re asking me that. Oh, maybe it’s because I didn’t get an invite!” you screamed. You had never yelled at her before and it felt awful.

“That’s not a reason!” 

“Of course, it is, Sarah. Especially after you ghosted me this week.” 

Sarah seemed to pause on the other side. “Listen, can we not talk about this on the phone?”

Despite your anger, concern crept back into your mind. “Is there something wrong? Are you okay?”

She seemed to relax on the other end at your words. “Everything’s fine. Sorta. Can we meet somewhere?” 

You hung up after planning on coming over to her house for lunch. You knew that lunch was just a formality, that you were going to be far too anxious to eat anything.

Thirty minutes later, you pulled up to the familiar mansion in silence. You couldn’t even bear to the listen to the radio for fear that something would remind you of Sarah. 

She opened the door before you could reach it, the blonde girl must have been looking through one of the many windows of her house.

Neither one of you made an effort to greet the other. You silently followed her inside, like you had done countless times, upstairs to her bedroom. 

Once inside and with the door shut, you immediately blurted out, “Talk.” 

Sarah seemed taken aback, but not surprised by your tone. She knew that she had messed up. Best friends did not ignore each other for a week without explanation. 

She sighed, biting her lip, a nervous tick you had picked up on. “I- I just,” she started. 

“Just what, Sarah?” You knew that you were coming off a bit harsh, but you also felt like she would never speak if you didn’t push her. 

“I don’t know!”

“Then why did you invite me here? Why wasn’t I invited to your birthday party? Why have you been ignoring me all week? I mean, what did I even do?” you blurted out, all your frustrations boiling over at once. 

“You like me.”

“What?”

“You like me. And that scares me.” 

“What? Of course I like you, you’re my best friend.” 

“No, what I mean is… I guess I like you and that’s the scary part.” 

“You like me?” confusion etched across your face. 

“Yes, Y/N, like like you,” Sarah could barely get the words out before her face turned red.

You were not expecting this. You expected her to yell at you about something, tell you what you did wrong, but never this. You took a second to think about it. Of course, Sarah was beautiful, the most beautiful girl on the island and probably in the world. And the sweetest. Did you think about what it would be like to date her from time to time? Of course, you did. Anyone that had eyes probably did. 

Sarah looked nervous, but relieved that she had finally told you what was on her mind. 

“Do you want to know what the best day of my life was?” you asked her. 

Though uncertain about where you were going with this, she nodded her head. 

You continued, “When I first moved here, I was so lonely. I didn’t know anyone and it didn’t seem like anyone wanted to get to know me. It was like that for weeks, before you came up to me in the lunchroom that one day. Do you remember?”

“Of course, I remember.” 

“Well I had just called my mom and begged her to homeschool me, or switch me back to my old school. But after you invited me to go see the baby sea turtles that night, I changed my mind. I decided that I didn’t want to be anywhere that didn’t have you.” 

“Y/N… I…” 

“I think I fell in love with you that night. When you pointed out the eggs in the sand and we watched them hatch from a distance. When you picked the last one up and gently guided it back to shore. I loved watching you care for them and I would be lying if I didn’t wonder for a second how it would feel to have you care about me like that.” 

“Y/N, where is all this coming from? I didn’t know you felt the same.” 

“I guess I didn’t either,” you laughed lightly. “Until this moment. I think I’ve always cared about you in a way that’s more than platonic. I just didn’t realize it.” 

Upon hearing that, Sarah leaned in and wrapped her arms around you. The smell of her lavender perfume filled your senses as you took her in. My girl, you thought.

Breathe in, breathe through, breathe deep, breathe out.

[nurgletwh]

Hey all! You’re about to see why this got so delayed when Tumblr ate my post. >.<

Remember how I’ve previously stated “I disappeared because I had issues, but no worries!”?

Yeah.

Not so much this time. Which has only sunk in with retrospect and time. (@grumpyoldsnake is gonna be “I told you so!!!)

It still doesn’t really feel that way, because the human mind is stupendous at deemphasizing how much danger you might really be in/were in.

Some of this might be covering ground I’ve already covered here or elsewhere. However, I think having it all in one place and all sequenced together will not only help me keep things straight but give it all perspective.

With that out of the way, let’s see if I can not only keep this all the fuck straight but remember what ground I need to cover. I’m putting the rest under a cut for a couple of reasons. It’s long, and it may be triggering for some people. Please let me know if I’ve missed a tag I should have added.

October 2023

I went back to the Dr. to get my medications adjusted, as my blood sugar had gone back up. (Side note: I hadn’t been properly and regularly testing my blood sugar. I was exhausted and sleeping what felt like all the time with no energy to do much of anything at all.) For whatever reason, my blood pressure comes back rather shockingly high (164/108!!), not in line with what it’s been at all. I comment that I’ve never seen it that high, and the nurse says to have the doctor check it after I’ve been there a while.

It doesn’t happen because I’m forgetful.

My cholesterol also comes back high, but that’s been creeping up for years, so no shocker there.

Diabetes medications are adjusted, one is added for the cholesterol. By the time I get home, there’s another one for my blood pressure. I shrug and add it to my pile, since my blood pressure had never come down as far as I thought it should in the first place.

November 2023

Back for a follow-up appointment. My sugar levels haven’t changed all that much, and my blood pressure still comes back as pretty damn high, and I make a mental note to test it at home more regularly, because it doesn’t seem right.

Warning: diet talk.

———

We talk about stuff and whatnot, and decide to try Ozempic (as its original purpose was for diabetes) as the next step to get my blood sugar down.

I was aggravated as he goes on about things like how I’ll feel better for losing some weight, and I half-assed express a few concerns because I have disorganized eating habits. I already don’t eat consistently, and I firmly believe my current weight “problems” are due to my disorganized eating patterns (as well as picky eating and just not really wanting to eat in general) in my youth leaving me borderline malnourished. Most of my teen years were spent trying to get me to gain weight. FYI: being significantly underweight for a long time is a great way to have issues with being overweight later.

I go home with a prescription for Ozempic. Fine and dandy, although I’ve been getting the impression he doesn’t really listen all the time.

———

December 2023

Christmas happens, travel happens, fun happens.

January 2024

Cute cat pic, just because. :-)

Next appointment. My blood pressure still reads significantly higher than normal (156/92), and higher than it has been at home, but what with travel and all, I haven’t really been testing it to back up that assertion. The doctor tests it and gets approximately the same result.

I get another prescription for an additional blood pressure medication.

(Can you guess where this one is going?)

I woke up a few days later with a massive headache that wouldn’t go away. I didn’t connect this at the time, but based on what happened next, I think it was.

The day after that I felt a bit dizzy. When I wasn’t feeling much better by lunch, I took my blood pressure and got 94/68. I took it again and got about the same thing, so I had my coworker (who is also a volunteer EMT) test it. He got 100/54. I continued to check it throughout the day, but it wouldn’t stay consistent. I bugged out of work early, finally sending a… well, grouchy message to the doctor (after hours, unfortunately) firmly expressing my frustration that I wasn’t believed when I stated my at-home readings, pointing out I am also an EMT.

My reading was 96/74 when I went to bed.

I felt even shittier the next day. BP was 94/62 that morning; I stayed home from work. The doctor responded to my message when the office opened, discontinuing the most recently added BP med, sanctioning the choice I’d already made. :-P

Unfortunately, my BP continued to plummet throughout the afternoon and evening. I sent a message that evening and asked what to do, continuing my pattern of sending messages after the office closed. 🙄

I took my blood pressure using my automated cuff before going to bed. It errored out twice before I got this:

Lovely, eh?

(The systolic generally reads 8-10 low, but the diastolic is generally bang on.)

I took it manually; 80/54. I send a follow-up message with those readings.

I felt awful the next morning. The act of sitting up made me dizzy. I stumbled out to the living room and called in to work again; I was in no condition to drive. My heart rate was elevated to around 100-110 (it normally runs fast, about 80-90 in the morning).

By late morning, the automatic cuff wouldn’t do anything but error out. I sent another message asking at what point I should go to the ER. I didn’t get a response from the doctor, but did from one of the nurses, who told me that anything under 90 systolic with symptoms qualified.

What. The. FUCK.

I basically decided that if it got worse, I’d go in. I told a friend to check in with me regularly and stayed in my recliner, drinking water and Gatorade to at least get fluid in.

The lowest reading I got on my manual cuff was 78/52. FYI: I should have been in the hospital the day before. This is “almost died” moment number 1. I was a fucking idiot. Denial is deadly.

——

I think this needs split up; I’m gonna post this now and keep writing, because I’m going to hit some sort of character limit sooner or later. O.o

[1moremilgram-enjoyer]

Es T1 Cover - Hibana

Hey there! Milgram covers, huh? They're really interesting! I've decided to look at all of them and give my thoughts on each, and while I thought about doing it all in just one post, I'm gonna separate them because why not. Anyways, this time I'll talk about Es' only cover (of songs not originally from Milgram), Hibana! Let's see how our favorite Warden connects to this song.

CW Allusions to guns and shooting

(Note: 'Hibana' means spark)

Hibana has the singer speaking to their lover about an issue with their relationship, which is how the lover struggles to express their opinions and make decisions for fear of disagreeing with the singer.

Now now, time to mute all complaints, Hesitating over stupid things.

(Translation)

Basically, they consider a love without disagreements "incomplete." If you truly love someone, then you have to accept their views even when you disagree, right? To love someone fully, you need to know them fully.

It’s “incomplete”, I’ll say it time and time again. nanananananananana Amidst a love that missed hitting “NO”

Even if it causes the singer anxiety and distress by the nature of disagreements, it's needed for their relationship to flourish. The spark in the title refers to the spark of love, but also to the spark of two objects colliding with each other.

I don’t want to harbor a love that will never end, Come on, properly fill me more with anxiety. I’d like you to act your part at peek a boo, Come on, answer to what I ask more properly!

I don’t want to love a weak-minded love, Come on, make it hurt more properly. Going so far it’s no longer funny, is surely much more enjoyable, Come on, melt me more properly!

(Note: Peek a boo is a game where you hide with your hands, but then reveal your face again. Thus, 'playing their part at peek a boo' means revealing their 'face', their opinions)

You can sorta see where the connection to Es is, once you consider most of these songs are abstracted so the romantic/sexual partner represents something else and the relationship is not literal. Es is singing this to themselves, asking themselves to be sure and confident in their judgement of the prisoners. That's what the love likely represents, too. Es doesn't want to hesitate, they want to be able to forgive and not forgive with the conviction a Good Warden ought to have.

[Imposter Boulevard] (Kazui T2 VD) Es: I'm the Guard. If I forgive you, I forgive you. If I don't, I don't. There's no other factors to it.

[Baptism of Fire] (Fuuta T2 VD) Es:  I am the Guard of MILGRAM, the one who judges your sins. It's not just you and Mahiru – I've faced all ten of you prisoners with my own life. Don't lump me in with someone like you, who used someone's sins for cheap entertainment!

Steadfast in their opinions, not to be swayed by whatever the prisoners say, not to let themselves get tempted by the idea of compromise. They can't be a perfectionist, they need to be unafraid of mistakes.

Knock knock, ‘with this it's a tie’, Confined within unfilled time. Perfectionism turns smoky, With an echoing voice I’m feeling vertigo and monotony.

But there's also an interesting implication. Because the disagreement and the steadfast opinions are necessary, but they're also distressing. In the song's original context, that's just the nature of disagreement, but here Es would be disagreeing with themselves.

Shoot up that head...

The imagery of shooting in the head referenced in the song art is about this anxiety and hurt induced by disagreement.

But for Es, they're stressed by the weight of their decisions, by the impact their judgement can have on the prisoners. Hibana brings up this conflict front and center.

[TASK] (Kotoko T1 VD) Kotoko: You are not the executioner who convicts people for their sin. The person who offers to save the murderers who deserve to be forgiven.. It's also you. Es: Aaah.. Mm.. *shallow gasping* K: Come, Es… then, listen to my sin… E: *gasp* Prisoner number 10.. Kotoko.. Come..! Sing… your… sins… *sob*

[Baptism of Fire] Es: I didn't wish for you to get a punishment like this! And I didn't instruct Kotoko to do that, either. Punishments executed through violence… Fuuta: Huh… E: I didn't think it would turn out this way.

[Love is (Un)Dead] (Mahiru 2nd VD)] Es: …I'm sorry. I'm responsible for the fact that you've ended up like this. Mahiru:*Coughing, heavy breathing* E: It was my decision not to forgive you. I don't intend to deny that. But… the fact that I couldn't predict Kotoko's actions was a failure on my end. M:*Heavy breathing* E: If I had known that it would turn out like this… [...] M: Yeah. Es-kun, you're working so hard… You're doing great. E: ...! M: …Oh my… are you crying? Es-kun…

God I love Es so much. I am so mad we don't have a cover specifically for them in Trial 2.

Anyways, that's the gist of it. Since these songs weren't written for Milgram, analyzing the general themes and topics is more important than going deep into each and every lyric, so I think this is a decent overview of this one. Hope it was good enough! Take care!

[nobodysdaydreams]

1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 21, and 25 for Curtain/Nathanial Benedict, SQ and Jeffers on the Character Ask Game! You can pick whichever character applies the most to a question. :)

Hope you’re having a lovely day! 💕

Hey Nova! Sorry this took so long! I’m having a lovely day and I hope you are too!

Curtain/Nathaniel Benedict

1. Why do you like or dislike this character?

I dislike him for all the obvious reasons. Horrible brother, father, uncle, friend, boss and person, trapped in his own mind, refuses therapy, makes his issues everyone else’s problem, is a perpetual martyr and victim, constantly hypocritical, and insufferably smug about it all. What do I like about him? Specifically for the show version, I loved the glimpses of his humanity. Nathaniel doing art projects with SQ, connecting with Sticky in the Whisperer when he says he fears not being wanting, and joking with Nicholas in the compound. Even just his little quirks, his silly dancing and theater kid vibes, his love of oddly specific foods, the flashbacks of little Nathaniel making that hair gel to impress new parents. You hate him so much but you really feel Nicholas and SQ’s frustrations and understand how they can hold out so much hope for him because you see the potential.

2. Favorite canon thing about this character?

That they gave him a history with Nicholas, made him SQ’s dad, and gave him a uh, a “friend” in Garrison. Intriguing storylines and they should have done more with them.

3. Least favorite canon thing about this character?

I’d say the way he treats others but he’s the villain. He’s written that way, it’s expected that he wouldn’t be nice, but when he apologizes to Nicholas and turns good we don’t get ONE MENTION OF SQ??? If you’re gonna be a good guy now, you might want to start by caring about your missing child.

4. If you could put this character in any other media, be it a book, a movie, anything, what would you put them in?

Wolf359. I cannot tell you how many times I write “Curtain” and “Cutter” at the wrong times on accident. Nathaniel would absolutely have an evil space company. @sophieswundergarten and I had an AU for this if anyone is interested I can post about it sometime.

5. What's the first song that comes to mind when you think about them?

Antihero by Taylor Swift for sure. The song summarizes Nathaniel perfectly, and if you don’t believe me, I hope this edit changes your mind. I think it might be one of my favorite edits I've ever made, though my star wars one is close, it's a tough call.

6. What's something you have in common with this character?

We’re both theater kids who also do STEM stuff. Idk what that says about me.

21. If you're a fic writer and have written for this character, what's your favorite thing to do when you're writing for this character? What's something you don't like?

My favorite thing to do for any character is explore themes of guilt, redemption, forgiveness, and healing. I love it, and Nathaniel is the perfect character for it. I don’t like stories that say either A) he can’t be redeemed no matter how sorry he is or B) no boundaries, consequences, or struggle necessary. He apologized; he gets a free pass! (Disclaimer: write what you want, don’t let me stop you, but I like to show the journey. Especially in a way that’s realistic and shows the complications that do come with these kinds of big life/perspective changes).

25. What was your first impression of this character? How about now?

At first, I wasn’t sure about him in the show. He was clearly aged down, and his character was different. Then they dropped the whole thing about the twins knowing each other growing up in the orphanage and Nathaniel being SQ’s adoptive father and I was like “oohhh… I see what they’re doing. I’m 100% on board. This is interesting.” If only they'd seen it through.

Shepard Quaid (SQ)

1. Why do you like or dislike this character?

What’s not to like? Books or show, he’s sweet, precious, good, the best boy, and believes in everyone. For the show specifically I love that they made him more assertive to show the parent and child relationship he has with Curtain. He questions his dad, lies to his face, and I love that he does that! I wanted more of that! (And his art and love of animals). Incredible character. The only dislikes are that he didn’t get more screen time and the way other characters treat him. He deserves better. He deserves his father on his knees groveling with an apology (and explanation about what happened to his birth parents to because I’m sorry his dad just “worked with Curtain and got sick???” And what happened to the mom? I’d assume he had one???)

5. What's the first song that comes to mind when you think about them?

Rat by Penelope Scott. The people have spoken.

6. What's something you have in common with this character?

We're both neurodivergent (that's more of a headcanon, but I don't think anyone is gonna fight me on this).

21. If you're a fic writer and have written for this character, what's your favorite thing to do when you're writing for this character? What's something you don't like?

I love writing about him discovering who his family really is and finding his place in the world on his own terms because that’s his whole arc. However, I don’t like the fact I have to write him in pain so often. The poor boy deserves a break but sadly I must hurt him for the plot.

25. What was your first impression of this character? How about now?

10/10 books AND show first impression for obvious reasons. As for now, the show version is sadly a ?/10 because WHERE IS HE? But in all seriousness, I love the character, and SQ has consistently been my #1.

Jeffers

2. Favorite canon thing about this character?

His silly speech about the perimeter. It's so unserious and unnecessary but 100% iconic.

3. Least favorite canon thing about this character?

I don't know if there's anything I really hate about him. I know some people were upset he wasn't as threatening as the ten men, but that's just not his character, you know? He's comedic relief, and I think he did a nice job with that, especially in season 2.

4. If you could put this character in any other media, be it a book, a movie, anything, what would you put them in?

Father Brown. He looks exactly like Inspector Mallory with the mustache, and he'd be just as incompetent, if not more.

6. What's something you have in common with this character?

We both like to dramatically monologue. I don't know what that says about me.

21. If you're a fic writer and have written for this character, what's your favorite thing to do when you're writing for this character? What's something you don't like?

I like writing his silly little comedic relief disasters. Something I don't like is that there actually aren't a lot of fics with his character tag on AO3. So I'm glad I could give the fandom some Jeepers shenanigans nobody asked for.

25. What was your first impression of this character? How about now?

In season 1, I thought his character was kind of unnecessary and honestly, couldn't even remember his name. In season 2 when he got more screentime he was really funny and had great comedic timing.

[bagel-muncher]

I'm gonna be cringe asf and post wip stuff about one of my Persona oc's because I like this little guy and I'm tired so therefore immune to thinking why this is dumb to post.

So for some important background info, a lot of my characters are framed around basically a hypothetical Persona game that exists solely in my brain. The core theme of it is dreams, in the sense of both sleep and your aspirations and such. All of the Persona-Shadow-saving-the-world junk happens in their dreams. I don’t know the best way to describe it, but basically, the line between the collective unconscious and the individual subconscious has weakened and now Shadow’s are spilling into people's dreams, attacking them and leaving them brain-dead. Enter the MC and their group with all the Persona shenanigans you’d expect to try and stop this.  

So all that barely coherent background info aside, onto Yoshitada. He’s 20 years old and serves as the Navigator of the group once he joins later on (how and why is still up in the air, everything here is mostly vague ideas though I’m leaning towards a P4 type “they’re saved in their dreams and awaken to their Persona when confronted by their Shadow’s there”). The simplest way to describe him would be as another character in the same “bro” archetype as Junpei, Yosuke, and Ryuji. An idiot at times, but cares a lot about his friends and teammates and would do whatever he can to protect them.

His full name is Yoshitada Saito, but he mainly goes by Yoshi. He saw the dinosaur from Mario and went “Yeah that’s me frfr” (jk). He doesn’t like being referred to by his last name by anyone, both because he prefers to treat practically everyone like a close friend (he'd be like "Hey man, we're buds, yeah? Just call me Yoshi, no need to be all formal and shit!") and because of his parents.

To explain that last bit, his parents left him with his mom’s brother as a kid before driving off to who-knows-where. This led to him forming a lot of resentment toward his parents, making them among the few people he isn’t fond of. He lived with his uncle for the majority of his life, and he still lives in his uncle’s house after he passed. He doesn’t like his last name because it connects him to them.

I’m not sure if popular is the word I’m looking for, but he’s very well-known throughout town. Both for positive (his friendly demeanor, willingness to help others, and great work ethic) and negative reasons (him being loud as fuck, tending to sort of force himself into a situation, and just having dyed hair and that many piercings and the assumptions it brings). He’s generally well-liked, but people often feel like he’s trying too hard to be friendly or helpful, making them think it’s all just an act.

His unique appearance is entirely thanks to the fact that he thinks it looks rad as hell. He knows that it can give people a bad impression of him at first glance, but doesn’t care. To Yoshi, appearances don’t matter at all. If someone is scared off by him having blue and green hair or a face full of piercings, that’s an issue for them.

He plays the drums! His S-Link is started by him and the MC forming a mini-band just for fun in Yoshi’s garage. Band practice would be the main excuse for the two of them to hang out (like how most of Ryuji’s is prefaced with him and Joker training or Naoto’s is him and Yu trying to understand the whole Phantom Thief thing, etc.), usually starting with band practice before turning to them talking or going somewhere else for whatever reason. It’s through this that Yoshi starts to reveal more of himself to the MC, talking about his parents and other stuff that bothers him as much as he tries to pretend it doesn’t. I imagine the big thing of his link would be his parents wanting to get in contact with him again after over a decade, and him having to learn and accept that not everyone deserves the kindness he tries to treat everyone with.

His Persona is something I’m still undecided on, mainly because I’m trying to figure out some other characters and want to try and find some consistent theme or source that’d make sense. As a placeholder, I’ve just given him Apollo. As a god of music and prophecy, it combines one of Yoshi’s interests with his role in the team in a way that I think makes sense. His Arcana is the Strength.

Most of the cast is in college, except for Yoshi. He just works, flipping between jobs as he tries to find what works best for him.

Thanks to what a friend said ages ago, it is now canon that he has shitty posture. Bro sits like a shrimp.

As this is something that exists solely in my mind and as such is untouched by logic and Atlus’s rules, there’d be a male and female mc. That may seem random to mention, but I bring it up because Yoshi is gay, but is romancable with either protag. The thing is, getting closer to the male MC is what made him realize he liked guys. He’s had a ton of girlfriends over the years because he thought that was just what he was supposed to do and he never wanted to turn anyone down, but none of the relationships lasted. Yoshi tried constantly, but he could never be as interested or involved in the relationship as his girlfriends, so they’d eventually break up with him. This extends to the female MC. He thinks “Well, we’re really close. She cares about me, and I care a shitton about her. So… we probably should try to date, right?”, not really understanding the difference between his platonic love for her and what romantic love is supposed to be like. So romantic scenes like Valentine’s Day, Christmas, etc. would have him being a lot more stiff and awkward compared to the male MC, where he is genuinely in love.

(from my lovely oomf @nero1forte)

[idiotlovesongs]

The Letters pt. 5

tw drug use

Will flipped the page to the next letter and was a little taken aback by how messy the handwriting was. Mike already didn’t have the best handwriting; It was loose and sharp all at the same time and the letters were kept tightly together, huddled for safety and warmth. Now, Will looked down at the words and frowned. The letters were connected, but not like in cursive. It was more so like Mike just didn’t pick up the pen when he moved on to the next letter. It was careless. He also noticed how much more often words were scratched out. It made him nervous about what Mike had to tell him.

Dear Will,

I have something to tell you. It’s a secret though. I’m seriously praying the government, or, even worse, my parents, doesn’t open this letter.

I’m, like, really high right now.

I made friends with a dealer a while back. Really he’s more of Dustin’s friend and he runs a DnD group. Dustin and Lucas were here with a few of his friends, but they went home. His name isn’t super important right now. Whatever. 

I’m here with him, so you don’t have to worry at all. It’s all good. 

There was a little burn mark at the edge of the page between these two lines.

Should I be writing to you right now? Would it even be a good idea to send this? This is a bad idea, but I’m committed now. Fuck it. 

The night started out good. He set up a one-shot for us. Don’t hate me for playing DnD without you. Honestly, that was the closest thing to being with you without actually flying to you. I kept looking at where you would sit in my basement (next to me) and getting pissed when it was some random guy. Why couldn’t it have been you? You should have known we were playing and then teleported. Will the Wise would have been able to.

Anyways, this DM is fucking brutal. He shows absolutely no mercy. I think he gets a kick out of watching us fail saving throws. I got a nat 1 at some point! Will, I feel like I brought shame to our party. We really needed you back here. You should sneak out, hop on a plane, and meet us here.

Do you even want to? You have a good life in Lenora. All that’s left is to find a new party, right? How hard could that be? Just hang out in a comic book shop enough and one will walk in looking for a cute wizard or cleric and there you will be, looking at the newest issue of Daredevil.

Promise you’ll come back for at least one game? God, I sound desperate. Ignore me.

Okay, so something not about DnD.

After the game, we were offered some weed. It wasn’t like he pressured us or anything. It was really casual. He pulled out his metal lunchbox and asked if we wanted to smoke. Lucas can’t because of basketball and Dustin was too freaked out to try. Most of his friends had to head out so they declined too. Now, I’m here with his bandmates, and the air smells really fucking bad, and I’m kind of freaking out, but that’s normal. He said weed either makes people loosen up or freak. 

I hate how it feels. Kinda. It’s like all my limbs are corkscrewing at different speeds, in different directions, and through different dimensions. He tells me I have to relax and lean into it. ‘It’s like floating in a pool. You have to relax or you’ll drown.’ It’s really hard to let go. I keep trying by just thinking of stuff, but my train of thought keeps veering off the tracks. I feel like if I don’t correct its course, it’s gonna just crash and burn. I don’t think this is for me.

I can’t really go home right now either. I’m pretty sure I reek. Although maybe my parents wouldn’t notice. I can imagine exactly how me walking in would go down if they couldn’t smell it on me. 

“Hey, mom, dad,” I say as I walk in.

“Hi, sweetie. How did hanging out with your friends go?” My mom is on the couch with Holly while my dad is on the recliner. He doesn’t even bother to look up, just hums.

“It was fine. I’m tired though.” I’m already on my way to the stairs so she can’t trap me in a conversation.

“Okay. Goodnight, honey.” She looks over to my dad like she’s trying to make him lift his head up with his mind. 

“Goodnight.”

And then the smell of marijuana reaches them and I’m sent to live on a farm with my uncle Eric in Montana. I think they would just ship me over in a cardboard box. 

Whoa. It just started pouring out of nowhere. Maybe if I stood outside in the rain, the smell would wear off faster. He said it wouldn’t and laughed. I think I want to die.

Will, Will, Will, Will, I don’t know what else to say. I’m spacing. I’ll just call my parents and stay here I think. It’ll be embarrassing in the morning, but that’s a problem for the future. I don’t think I can write another sentence. I just did. And another. Okay, I’m done. Don’t tell anyone about this. I hope this letter doesn’t also smell.

Will leaned down a moment and sniffed the letter. He winced and confirmed that it did smell vaguely like weed.

Love, Mike

P.S. I think the munchies might be fake. I’m nauseated right now.

P.P.S. Don’t be worried. I swear I’m fine. I just really need to sleep this off.

pt. 1, pt. 2, pt. 3, pt. 4

[shoutyourporpoise]

been letting my thoughts percolate on the Barbie film since I saw it over the weekend and: for one, I want to clarify that I had a lot of fun watching it. and for another, I am critiquing it because this is how I engage with movies I’m trying to actually think about. Complaining is my love language. The Barbie movie is funny and it also takes itself seriously and tries to establish that it’s making a Point, so I am also taking it seriously and evaluating it as such. Also this post is gonna be a total mess bc it’s just me tangenting over and over. Uh. Okay now that I’ve written it out it’s long as all fuck lemme add a readmore.

the way they handled Sasha from a costuming perspective bothered me. She’s introed to us dressed in all black tee and jeans, and over the course of the movie she undergoes Barbiefication with her top becoming a deep maroon and eventually ending the movie in a bright pink dress, which I should add is if anything even *more* girly than the pink pantsuit her mother Gloria ends up with. In this way, the film conveys her rejection of Barbie as not just a lack of connection with her mother, but as a disconnect from *her own* femininity which it implies she’s distances herself from because she thinks it’s shameful to be what the world thinks a woman is. Did they have to do that? We see other Barbies who don’t wear pink but manage to convey a very slick, costumey version of their job and I would not have minded seeing a camp Goth Social Justice Barbie costume by the end of the film.

but I think the thing that sticks in my craw the most is how Sasha’s Barbie Takedown Speech (which is supposed to be a mirror to Gloria’s Contradictory Womanhood Speech*) is grounded in real criticisms people have of Barbie, which is blunted by the fact that Barbieland as shown in the movie is explicitly more diverse than Barbie is now. The comment Sasha makes about body image issues to Stereo Barbie is supposed to be seen as clearly ridiculous once she goes to Barbieland and meets Barbies of all body types including fat ones, when I know for a fact that at present the “curvy” Barbie body type on the market is like at BEST someone on the edge between midsize and plus. And that was introduced alongside the petite and tall makes like…I think less than a decade ago?

it’s also the fact that Stereo Barbie is metatextually both an individual doll and the representation of Barbie as a collective. She defends herself to Sasha by citing the other Barbie’s’ accomplishments because for her they are all inseparable and almost interchangeable. In theory this is how every Barbie works, but by having Margot Robbie (“Stereotypical Barbie”) be the one to go out into Los Angeles and get Velveteen Rabbitted into being real by the Ghost Mother-God of Ruth Handler** it also sets an interesting tone for Sasha’s critique because she’s not just yelling at some white woman, she’s yelling at a white woman who represents a collective of Barbies that are more diverse than she is and also critically less Real than she is.***

also I know the part where Sasha calls Barbie a fascist is supposed to be funny bc it’s a very Teen Angry thing to say to someone you disagree with but. I mean lol she goes back to Barbieland to find that the Kendom**** has taken over and then goes “we must return everything back to our Ideal Past where the Kens were merely decorative and to do this we must hatch a plot to prevent them from voting” lmao. Obviously after that she has the conversation with Ken and they have the briefest scene going “maybe we should all be equal and individual” but WILD thing to see after the fascist line. Also uh. Sentiment is cool and all but where actually do the Kens live. Are they back to being homeless.

*hey how come hearing about how womanhood is multifaceted and contradictory deprograms the Barbies from patriarchal Ken conditioning…into agreeing with one another completely? None of the Barbies were like “hey I meant it I liked taking a Brain Vacation where I didn’t need to bear the load of decision making?” None of them were like “What the Ken’s did was wrong but maybe we can talk to them the same way you’ve talked to us to make them understand this hurts them?” None of them were like “love y’all but I am not sitting through 4 hours of guitar to turn my friends Ken against each other through making them jealous?” No??? Women are complex and contain multitudes but those multitudes all align? Or am I supposed to accept that they all agree because even after exposure to both patriarchy and the “antidote” of feminism they are still insufficiently Real to think complexly?

**also given the opening of Barbie mentioning that she was groundbreaking because she was a doll that represented an aspirational adult woman so girls were no longer consigned to motherhood it is VERY interesting that they had her introduce herself at the end of the film as Barbara Handler***** rather than her canonical name of Barbara Roberts, thereby cementing herself as Ruth’s daughter. Why frame Ruth as the mother to her creation just because she named the doll after her real-life child? Why not emphasize that she, too, broke the mold of motherhood by becoming a businesswomen and creative entrepreneur? Like cool cool get a pithy jab in about the double mastectomy and the tax fraud but why not engage more deeply with her as a businesswoman given that the film’s opening volley is that women are capable of being things other than mothers?

***and they’re less Real in more ways than one! If you look at posts showing which doll each Barbie represents, you will see that many of the women of color are either playing a racebent version of an existing doll, are an amalgam of other doll concepts, or are created from whole cloth. Again, Sasha’s speech is grounded in real-life critiques of Barbie, but the film’s more diverse casting undermines that speech because in *this* universe Barbie is less of a tool of white hegemony. Did you know that besides the red-sareed doll from the Dolls of the World collection, we didn’t see an Indian Barbie until *last year?* If you were going off the impressions of the movie you might not have known that!

****also I get that it’s supposed to be a twist that the enemies aren’t the Mattel executives; it’s Ken learning about patriarchy and bringing it back to Barbieland. And we’re supposed to be like “oh cool Will Farrell’s character genuinely cares about inspiring little kids with Barbie!” but it *does* leave the issue of the boardroom being maidenless still very much there which I guess is solved by…they have the ghost of Ruth Handler there? …I guess this is one of those lines you’re not allowed to fully cross if you’re making a movie approved by Mattel?

*****yep I get the joke to the ending line and it’s funny in the moment but now I’ve thought about it for more than two seconds and like. Okay so the setup for the punchline is that when she’s catcalled by guys IRL and then mentions she doesn’t have a vagina (and Ken doesn’t have a penis) so they’re all smooth down there. Given her total lack of knowledge of the world outside of Barbieland how do. Any of them know what a vagina is to deny having one. I assume Midge has a detachable belly bc that’s what her doll was too, so she doesn’t…have a vagina either. And because the gynecologist joke happens after she becomes Real what does that say? That your genitals are what make you Real (or worse, that a vagina is what makes you a real woman because you cannot call upon the lack of one to protect you from catcallers)? Is Hari Nef’s Dr. Barbie trans? What does that imply would’ve happened to her if she became Real?

Okay wait now I’m on *this* thread of thought. So Dr. Barbie is horrified when Stereo Barbie’s feet go flat to point of fake-ralphing alongside all the other Barbies, so that implies she…wasn’t assigned Ken at birth? Because otherwise why would a Barbie having flat feet be so shocking to her? Are there no possibilities for transition in Barbieland are you either a Barbie or a Ken (or Allan)? Actually yeah hey Barbie’s feet going flat is sort of an aspect of her body not conforming to her gender isn’t it??? They could’ve done something there maybe.

And look I know casting Hari Nef made a number of people very angry and that it’s a stone on the scale for letting trans people just play roles that have nothing to do with their transness which is cool but also why *didn’t* this movie have anything more than a passing nod to Earring Magic Ken and then call that a day for representing the franchise as it is? The racial casting attempts to make the franchise more diverse, so why not do the same for gender and sexual orientation? There are actually already two Barbies released for the BMR1959 60th anniversary collection who have “Ken” builds; why aren’t they in there; get them some rep!!

I guess this is maybe a lot to ask of a film with a runtime under two hours but given how it hyped itself up I didn’t see it address the whiteness baked into the Barbie franchise or how it reifies cishet ideals beyond the implication that everyone acts Like That because it’s how girls are expected to play with their Barbies. When they went to the Real World (cinemasins ding implying LA is the real world) I wish in all the facets of womanhood they showed us we got to see ANY queerness made explicit. I would’ve eaten my own fingers to see a butch on that screen.

…I guess at the end I feel about this the way I feel about Legally Blonde? It’s trying to have a dialogue with both itself and with the culture in which it’s made re: attitudes towards femininity and it’s a VERY fun watch but ultimately lies back on existing ideas about gender without bothering to interrogate it as much as those who love the film claims that it does.

[nomoreusername]

Sunshine and Rain (Part 3)

Pairing:Sonya x female reader

Summary:While just trying to vent to an object Aris pulls your emotions to the surface.

Was I doing the only thing I was a master at and avoiding my problems (Sonya)? Yes. Yes I was. I refuse to confront this right now or ever. I’ll just run from my issues. I always was good at that.

So I stayed several feet away, just out of sight. Hidden by the shore, I was just below her, every now and then turning and watching her figure before looking back at the waves.

Keeping my feet in the water, I watched as a seashell washed up. Picking it up, I figured it was safe to rant to. After all, I highly doubt a shell will spread my secrets.

“Hey shell. I’m Y/N, and I have severe problems connecting with people. As of such, I won't talk to this wonderful girl about my feelings for her, even though she's the only person capable of helping sort them out. All I know is ever since she kissed me, even if it was on the cheek, my mind had been filled with only her. I have no idea how to fix this problem but am currently making sure we don't cross paths, which seems like a terrible idea. I also make terrible decisions though so it’s fine. Decisions like falling for a girl who doesn't want me,”I ranted.

“Hey-”

“I wasn't talking to a sea shell,”I immediately lied, throwing it in the sea. Turning around, I saw Aris standing there with an unreadable expression.

“I didn't think that you were,”He shrugged, taking a spot by me before I could do anything. Staring at the sunset, lost in our own thoughts, I tried to pretend he wasn't there as my mind was still traveling back to her.

“How have you been, rainy?”He spoke up.

“Excuse me?”I snapped, glaring at him.

“I just asked how you are, rainy.”

“Where the hell do you get off?”I asked in disbelief.

“What are you talking about?”He questioned, playing dumb.

“Nobody is allowed to call me rainy but Sonya. Do you understand? That is my special name from her, and you will not use it again,”I demanded.

“It's just a nickname,”He complained.

“It's not just a nickname. It's my nickname that Sonya gave to me, and it is not to come out of anyone's mouth. Have I made myself clear?”I asked slowly.

“So it's special because it's from her?”He clarified.

“Exactly.”

“So in that case, Sonya is special to you,”He stated, making me sort of regret my outburst as I glared at the sand like it used mind control on me. “I probably shouldn't be telling you, but you're special to her too.”

“I am?”I asked, hiding the unwanted hope in my voice.

“Yeah. She talks about you to me all the time. She goes on and on like you're the only topic to exist.”

“Are you being serious?”

“I have no reason to lie. It's almost concerning, but most of all, it's pure, like she's talking about the stars or the ocean.”

“That's, wow,”I whispered, looking at him again.

“Do you love her?”He asked.

“What?”

“Do you love her?”He repeated. As I instinctively went to say no my throat dried up. Unable to find any words, I slowly nodded my head as the realization hit me harder than anything ever had before. “I thought so,”He shrugged.

“I love someone. I love Sonya,”I managed to say.

“You should tell her,”He suggested.

“I don't know how,”I admitted. “I don't know how to say those words to anyone.”

“Well, I think you can do it. And who knows? She probably feels the same way. After all, she did kiss you,”He pointed out, going to stand.

“How do you know about that?”I asked quickly.

“I told you. She talks about you, a lot. So say something so she'll talk to you instead. As much as I love hanging out with her, if I hear your name one more time I’m gonna go deaf,”He shrugged, giving me a small smile before walking away, leaving me to figure out just how much truth, if any, there was to his words.

But he was right. He had no reason to lie so maybe just this once I could trust someone and tell Sonya how I feel.