#it’s just that im really the only one who gets to do that LMAO
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Jesus Christ he pulled up on Joe ???! I need this devotion
he did 😔😔🤚🤚🤚
the Lakers Date in gifset form and in video form like look at joe staring at ja'marr like that and giggling and shit oh my god joe ja'marr is sure as hell funnier than you but really? ja'marr putting his arms around joe which is just. yeah. look at that little scratch and then actually reaching his arms out and then just saying something short and random 😭 you know. casual. and joe barely reacting to it ok whatever. oh and also there's this hilarious twitter thread in reaction to it lmao.
this is the wowing backstory (everyone say thank you to carmen's big brain!!) to the date and kind of why this felt like a psychological attack beyond the implication that this was A Basketball Date. basically ja'marr flew his ass to arizona for joe because the man was having the shittiest week and was sooooo weirdly messy about it because he posted a vague blurry ass insta story of his location and then deleted it (?????) god what is wrong with him. like the photo was obviously a quick little snap of him in a car with just a location posted in the middle of the night like it didn't matter what the pic was only the location and was posted the minute he arrived (?) like he was announcing where he was for a very specific reason and then deleted it like it served its purpose and he didn't need it anymore. (is that not basic teenager in love 101........)
on joe being miserable -> like joe went to a club and flipped people off and i think one of the events he had was the signing with obj and kd (beloved kevin durant <3 but its sooo random why the fuck was kd there im so confused as to what this event was) and joe's expressions throughout all the videos and photos were either flat as fuck or straight up not-enjoying-shit. the next time he gets snapped in public it's with ja'marr on a basketball court with matching outfits finally smiling and laughing right and doing silly shit like clapping all up against ja'marr's face like a besotted dork......mind you he clapped because ja'marr was on camera probably getting introduced to the stadium so everyone could technically see it so it was like he was teasing the ever living shit out of ja'marr who was trying to be all cool throwing peace signs only to get stunted on by his embarrassing ass man who just wouldn't let him live jesus i'm sorry but i'm genuinely wondering why he clapped that way. look at his impish little smile joe oh my god stop.
but he was really finally acting all goofy and silly and smiling and laughing genuinely when ja'marr showed up and yapped at him!!!!!!! insane. shining example of devotion and codependency tbh.
some Speculation! which i love to do unfortunately for everyone around me:
this was planned from the start way before joe went through apparent hell or something. they bought the tickets way back with dj and sam and this was like the only thing joe looked forward to which is why he was finally smiling and laughing and actually managed to get through the week.
from that event they had together kd gave tickets to obj (pretty sure he was also there but like on the opposite side of the court?? idk) and joe and joe requested/bought more tickets and invited ja'marr and sam and dj because he was in heavy need of Friendship Love Moral Support from his guys. yeah.
(the favorite. the full of love theory) ja'marr found out joe was Going Through It (from joe himself? from obj? from his manager? the internet? other friends? who knows) and flew his ass to arizona having bought the plane ticket within minutes of ending the call/text regarding the joe situation. knew joe needed some refreshing/healing so he searched up what arizona had going on for them that week or he was planning on watching the game from his home anyway idk and immediately bought court-side tickets for the game. invited dj and sam so joe would be surrounded by more close friends who he would feel comforted by. arrived in phoenix in the middle of the night, snapped a quick photo for ig announcing where he was, joe saw it and sent ???????? in reply, ja'marr then deletes the ig story bc he doesn't want anyone else asking shit too, and finally crashed joe's pity party and has him smiling within minutes. am i crazy. yes. am i free. also yes.
THE CLOTHES THING they're literally wearing yellow and purple -> lakers and coincidentally lsu's colors!!! technically suns' too i think. did they plan on matching or did they each plan on wearing lakers colors in the first place (these divas...) and just had that one-brain-ism thing they got going on. ja'marr was sooooo pretty btw 😭😭 his faceeeee the dimple the hairrrr i miss his cornrows he looks sooo good in bright mustard yellow toooooo somebody save me from myself.
OH and dj reader and sam were there too okay 😭 like they weren't there alone. that la lunch date was like this lakers date 2.0 bc they weren't alone damn it but it weirdly seems that way 😭 when you're in love etc. or maybe because they just weren't mentioned as much as these two :( but I'm really pleased that joe could smile surrounded by his teammates <3 joy etc.
okay bye 😭
#ask#this could've been under 50 words sorry#this and the fact that its referred to as the lakers date instead of the suns date made me think ja'marr was a lakers fan btw#or at least a lebron truther but apparently......it was for joe.........okay...............#like is /joe/ a lakers fan or did they just choose the nearest nba event#so fascinating how sports players enjoy nba games for dates and get introduced to the entire stadium in the process btw#how many Events have they had#'Lakers Date' 'Clothes Saga' 'Game Worn Jersey' 'Natty Championship Ball' 'KC Game Shove' 'Pinky Shakes' idk am i reaching#god i truly wished i got to experience the entire events leading up to the date and the date itself#i fear if i was there i would break the post limit#joemarr#joe burrow#ja'marr chase#...#joemarr meta#i think#also please don't ask how i managed to link all of these#also also i searched up the price for courtside tickets and just about died. why. why the fuck. and its a lakers suns game so.
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Okay…okay! I have so much to say and I need to get everything that I am feeling and thinking out because OMG
Pregnancy reveal/post by Sarah and John B?!? OMG YESSSSS. Also Pope in the comments being like; “this is why he keeps canceling boys night.” I can’t with them. I love them all, love all the little details and all the little dynamics.
POPE FINALLY GETTING ON COOKING WITH CLEO🥳🗣️🥳🗣️ yesssss it’s happening. I was with my mans waiting for this. Also FOUR YEARS?!? Cleo wrong for that lmao and then dedicating it to the reader. I love our wife fr. She’s the best. Another detail I love is how close we are to Cleo and Pope. Love our besties, love our husband and wife💙🩵🫶 Also John B and Cleo in the comments, fucking dead. Him not knowing the difference between a salt and pepper shaker. Brother what? Cleo please never but please do bring him in the kitchen 😂 a beautiful disaster, waiting to happen.
Readers post about seasonal depression…too real 😂 and all her little comments right after I can’t. Had me laughing harder and harder because it was so relatable. Then JJ coming to save the day….STAWP😍
The instagram post. Calling JJ our knight in shining armor 😩 him flirting in the comments with us. Also RAFE liking the post?!? I saw that. I saw that shit. I don’t know who to like more or who I’m rooting for. At this point neither, I can’t choose. I WANT BOTH. “Both. Both is good.”
Readers tweets about the Cooking with Cleo video is FANTASTIC. Let’s be honest though, all three of us know we ALREADY married. Lmao. We all together, legit love the friendship with Pope and Cleo so much I can’t get enough and can’t express it enough. Pope saying fake news when we say he loves us, that man just can’t admit or say I love you. But it’s okay, he’s our bestie and our wife’s husband.
READERS TEXTS WITH RAFE. don’t get me started….Im started. Him so clearly nervous and scared to scare us off😭 and then us just fucking diving right in. The begging on the knees, I know he’s definitely gonna take that and RUN WITH IT. And I can’t wait. I can’t wait to see what he does with that. The whole conversation had be giggling and kicking my feet.
JJ AND THE READERS😮💨🤭 now that DELIVERED!!!! He’s so down bad, omg and I love it. I love him. LIKE I SAID. BOTH. You can’t make us chose, you can’t make reader chose. Damn😭 his; “breathing near you is the highlight of my day. I don’t ever really care about what we are doing.” LIKE OMG, this is so beautiful and sweet and this had me blushing and giggling and kicking my feet. Then him outing himself☠️ 13yrs damn poor man, and that’s a good question about his game 😂 that or we just blind asf.
THE SOS POST; the last post. This post. This Post. THIS. WAS. THE. POST. I was cackling so loud, giggling, everything!!!!! I reread it a million times because it was just beautiful. I have said it and I’ll say it again and forever and forever. POPE AND CLEO ARE THE BEST. I LOVE OUR BESTIES, OUR WIFEY AND HUSBAND. In actuality forget JJ and Rafe. GIVE ME CLEO AND POPE🙏 No, but Cleo springing over and leaving Pope in the dust is so funny I can’t. And poor Pope being so confused until Cleo is like, “Piping tea babe.” AND THEN HIS GIF/MEME OF RUNNING??? Absolutely dead, had me cackling even louder. I can’t explain how much I love Pope and Cleo, especially in this and as our besties. I can’t get over this one, legit my favorite (slide? Picture? Story post? Idk) it’s legit my favorite and was absolutely amazing.
Thank you for not only sharing this but creating this. It’s so amazing, and such a great and entertaining story. I love all the small little details you add to every part and all the little side stories and relationships that are involved in this. For example; John B jumping in the fight and helping defend not only his team but the reader. Topper seemingly always there and confused when reader and Rafe interact 😂 Rafe really needs to update this man on what’s happening fr 😂 it’s all just beautiful. Also Rafe and JJ getting along just for reader and everyone literally being like, okay readerrrrr we see you and your power. My point is this is stunning and I’m in love with it so much. Thank you 🫶💙🥰
Kildare University- Sophomore Year: 8
Synopsis: A Social Media AU in which you find yourself at Kildare University along with your friends. Starting over at a new school shouldn't be difficult. Well, except for the fact that your ex-boyfriend is the quarterback, and you are the drum major. Add in a little bit of drama, a lot of friendship, an ex who can't seem to let you go, and a best friend who has been in love with you since you were kids and well? Welcome to KU!
Pairings: Past!Rafe x Reader, JJ x Reader, Rafe x Reader
Masterlist
Taglist:
@akobx @onelonelybitch @the-universe-and-karma @beeskisses @frankoceanluvr11 @ivy-34 @rafecameronsloverrrrr @k-k0129 @asyouwish-fromcabin3 @xoxo-ada @aariahnaa @strawberryforks @urbrunettebombshell @whatisoutside @spenceatiny18
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PLS PLS PLS GET INTO HOW WOULD CHRIS REACT I find it so interesting, because most of the times is Chris just going "Great ! Im happy!" which valid, but honestly? I really like when it's more complex than that, like in the fic Pinky Promise by rainbow_nerds, that explores a bit the fact that Chris does in fact has abandoment issues, like I don't doubt that Chris (even angry) wants his dad to be happy, but c'moooon, his mother was his primary caretaker (because his dad left for the military, though it always hard for me to get the Diaz Timeline), then she left him, then she came back, then she died, his dad almost died at least twice (that he is aware of), Buck in the hospital, etc. Chris is going to have many complicated emotions ! I love him ! And I just wished people explored more all that potencial, you know?
i vividly remember making a diaz boys timeline back before the s7 finale but i just spent thirty minutes looking for it and i'm pretty sure i never posted it so... oops. maybe i'll make one later with the references but (apologies for the mess this is i tried to make it organized but i’m sick so there’s only so much i can do lmao):
when you look at it, buck has been consistently in christopher's life longer than shannon ever was, even if you restart after the lawsuit. shannon was him primary caregiver until he was about three, and then for a year it was eddieandshannon, after which she left. after that, it was consistently eddie. even if he wasn't around that often because he was working, he was still there, and that's what chris remembers. she came back for about half a year when he was seven, but then she died.
not counting the lawsuit, buck has been in christopher's life since he was eight. but the lawsuit wasn't that long, it was a few weeks at most, so the real answer is he's been in his life since he was seven. that's seven years at this point. to chris, buckandeddie has been a constant, more so than eddieandshannon, even if it's not the same type of partnership. and that's just a fact. sure, he'd known shannon for seven years, same as he's known buck, but technically she wasn't there for all of it. that's what he remembers.
but the same way eddie thought he needed to be with shannon romantically so as not to ruin the relationship, chris probably thinks eddie and buck need to keep the status quo not to ruin the relationship. especially when you take into his warped view of romantic relationships. shannon, ana, marisol, they all ended terribly for eddie. and buck? i'm not sure what he's told chris about his relationships, but he doesn't have a much better track record. abby ghosted him, ali left at the first sign of trouble, there was the whole jonah scenario with taylor (who actually was in christopher's life, so that definitely messed with chris a bit), tommy broke up with him seemingly out of nowhere...
it makes the most sense that chris wouldn't want them to date. if chris was home when they told him, i can imagine him calling pepa or carla, kind of a parallel to him running away to buck in s4 (which he can't do now for obvious reason). i don't think the arc would last long, i think whoever he ran to would start the conversation and tell him about an ex that they're still friends with, and then eddie would come to pick him up and they'd talk it out, there'd be a buckley-diaz scene, end of ep.
but if he was still in texas? he'd probably yell at them over the video call and then refuse to answer any calls or texts afterwards. buck and eddie would probably "break up" for an ep or two, and be absolutely miserable. this probably culminates in eddie taking a trip to texas (alone, maybe not even telling buck) and talking it out with chris, addressing their mutual fears about the relationship and eddie explaining that even if it doesn't work out, they'd still be friends, and even if that doesn't work out, buck would still be in his life, that it wouldn't be like when his mom left. there's definitely a video call to buck in this, after eddie and chris have talked their feelings out, and then chris would ask to come back home, effective immediately.
but there's also the question of how chris would react if eddie tells chris about his feelings for buck (pre-relationship). he'd probably tell eddie he can never act on it, then tell buck the same thing (without telling eddie) and then there's a few eps of buck and eddie acting distant from each other before chris snaps and says "you weren't supposed to act like you're already divorced!". of course that's if he's in la. if he's in texas it would probably play out the same way it would've if they were already together after they stopped avoiding each other and finally talked it out.
of course, they could go the easy route and have chris say "it's about time" but this is 911 we're talking about, they probably won't do that
#911#911 on abc#911 abc#911 spoilers#eddie diaz#evan buckley#evan buck buckley#buddie#buck x eddie#buck and eddie#christopher diaz#buckley diaz family
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I came back to promp another lore ramble
Also could we get a status update on the fic? I really want to see nari go back in time for the lamb
YIPPEEEEEEEEE love me lore ramble!
FIRST AND FOREMOST, OFC!! Heres a tiny lil update of the fic so far! I finally got back to writing it and am just struggling to find out what happens next.......but I promise its in the works! <3
NOW onto the ramble! Yesterday I went a bit ham on my Creepypasta reimagination, so thats what we will be talking about today! Specifically centered around Jeff the Killer CUZ IM THAT PREDICTABLE OKAY-
Anyways! Lore under the cut <3 tw for violence and gore!!
Jeff The Killer:
My Jeff is around his 35 years old and is the younger brother of Liu, who's only 1-2 years older and works as an architect
The brothers share the same apartment, Jeff decided to move in with Liu after living with their parents for a while. Hes currently trying to amount enough money in order to move somewhere of his own
Jeff suffers from depression and has psychotic episodes from time to time, so he has to take meds. Even after he became a killer, he still steals the needed medication to keep his mental exhaustion in check
From time to time, their lower-floor neighbor Ms. Harper calls Jeff to fix her old sink. Everytime Jeff goes over, her son pesters him for fun, which is why Jeff hates him
One day, both Jeff and Liu are invited to the bday of Ms. Harper's son, which was being held at his aunt's house. While in the party, her kitchen sink floods and so she asks Jeff to fix it. While doing so, Ms. Harper's kid accidentally throws chemicals on Jeff's face after trying to prank him with his friends
Jeff is then driven to the hospital by Liu, but they suffer a car crash, which makes Jeff's face melt down and turn pale white. Liu suffered the major damages and had to go through surgeries to put his organs back in place
When Jeff wakes up and sees the damage that was done, he suffers a mental breakdown which leads him to murder Ms. Harper's son. Once the deed was done, he disappeared and started his serial killing career
Jeff cut his lips into a smile specifically to terrify Ms. Harper's son, as if guilting him bout thinking what he did was funny
Before going off the radar, Jeff visited Liu one last time without others knowing, saying he didnt blame his brother for what had happened. Liu, although half-conscious, was able to hear Jeff telling him to go back to sleep
Homicidal Liu:
HONESTLY my Liu doesnt have much of "homicidal" to him LMAO
After the events that led both him and Jeff into the hospital, Liu went through surgeries to recover and was in a coma for a couple of days, which was the time it took for Jeff to start his killer life
When Liu woke up and learned that his brother had disappeared, he quickly volunteered to help and search for him, until finally discovering he was a murderer
Convinced to bring him back to his senses, Liu begged to be part of the police operation to capture Jeff, after proving he could be of use for knowing how his brother worked. And so, he was teamed up with a detective called Jane, who was in charge of arresting Jeff
After much investigation and searching, Liu and Jane finally came face to face with the killer, but came to a fight which led Jeff to carving a smile on Liu's face too and almost ripping his eyelids off like his own. Liu was led back to the hospital after this and received stitches
Seeing as they were lacking experience to capture Jeff, both the detectives accepted to undergo a special training. However, due to Liu's physical state, he wasn't able to finish it and decided to remain on the more schemeful side of the operation rather than direct combat
Given his stitches on his mouth and the horrible wounds his brother left on him, Liu constantly uses a mask and clothes that cover most of his body
Jane the Killer:
Jane works as a detective for the police, she is happily married to a woman named Mary and both live in a spacious, fancy apartment
Her parents were kindhearted and lived with her little sister, Jessie, in a simple house around the quieter parts of the city
Being one of the best agents and praised by the government, Jane was tasked with tracking down Jeff and bringing him to justice. It was during this search that Liu came into contact with her, after learning she was in charge of the operation
Throughout the times they spent together trying to capture Jeff, the killer murdered Jane's parents as a warning for her to leave him alone. But understandbly, that only made her more convinced to seize him with a new goal in mind: kill Jeff
When Liu and Jane received the special traning, Liu wasnt able to participate due to his condition, but Jane carried out until the last step. She was injected with Liquid Hate and gained her superpowers, with the side-effects being her skin turning pale and her eyes and hair black
After the "training" was done, Jane came closer and closer to finally capturing Jeff, but with an unexpected drawback: she was now wanted by the police for committing crimes she couldnt remember doing. Given the new scenario, the detective started working as an underworld punisher
She still searches for Jeff and stays in touch with Liu, now secretly since she is also being hunted down. They both still work as partners from time to time trying to find his brother
Lil extras!
After her parents were killed, Jessie moved in with Jane and Mary, being a survivor of Jeff's wrath luckily for not being home that day
Liu does not know Jane intends to kill Jeff, and she will never tell him, for she knows he will try to stop her
The Liquid Hate project was actually a Proxy experiment, organized by one of Slenderman's Agents who was also the scientist in charge of the special training Jane and Liu received. Jane became a Sleeper thanks to said experiment, with homicidal tendencies she is luckily able to channel to wanted criminals
That is all for now! Theres a whole lot more I havent said here cuz omfg thats too long already
MAYBE ONE DAY ILL BE able to write my own fanfictions about these, who knows
Anyways! Bless chu for the curiosity <3
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Does anyone else on this hellsite have to use the hell app that is Pike13
Please I need someone other than my coworkers to share my agony with
#my posts#Pike13#i doubt that’s an actual tag that has shit in it but worth a shot#edit: that is not a tag with things in it#anyways#I HATE IT I HATE IT I HATE IT#the app sucks ass so hard guys it’s actually a logistical nightmare#we need a better client management system but i know nothing about them and we have very specific needs 😭#to be fair#it’s not horrible when you’re using the website on a PC#it’s just that im really the only one who gets to do that LMAO#everyone else is stuck with the dogshit app that is Pike13 Staff#im hoping that when my coworkers get switched from independent contractors to employees that maybe they’ll change it but I doubt it
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so uh
for 1. most people are gonna take advantage of black friday and wont see your specific niche tumblr post, I hate to say it
2. the us isnt running out of money for war any time soon, so...
3. this is just antisemitism???????? all we need is some (((echoes))) around the us and israel and then I'd have no reason to suspect otherwise from op...............
#why in tf do you think they care that much about getting your money rn and not before in any other war?#does it. mayhaps. have something to do w jewish people being involved now?#our tax dollars go to the govt regardless and has been for years and we already have an obscene amount of funding for military shit#preeetty sure they're not concerned about getting a couple hundred tumblr users money...#and also pretty sure one could only believe that if they're paranoid about jewish ppl.................#hard not to put two and two together and figure out op is prolly antisemitic and hopefully they just dont realize it#i say hopefully they dont realize it bc thats better than someone who knows and is pretending to be a leftist still.#if anything this pause happened bc its thanksgiving and biden doesnt wanna think about it over the holidays. thats p much it.#thats the only amount of conspiracy theory im willing to believe in this situation lmao.#but that ^ still assumes that biden has some sort of control over this that he really doesnt#and i dont think netanyahu cares that much about thanksgiving tbr...#it sounds more like to me that op is seeing this from a very american centric pov and assumes everyone celebrates thanksgiving#or cares enough about it to remember the dates.... i dont think this is as planned as op is making it out to be and any insinuation#that it IS planned sounds like conspiracy theory talk to me personally. i dont think biden is hittin netanyahu up and going#'hey thursday is thanksgiving and would be the perfect time to pause so we can (((get peoples money))) out of them#asiftheUSdoesnthaveplentyalready' like i just really dont think that convo is happening lmao.
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Danganronpa is actually pretty funny, and here I thought it was ace attorney for edge lord tweens
#the way makoto is so quick to fall in line with like anything someone tells him is so funny#its also really fun to just imagine the things the characters say theyre doing#like when he kneels and begs to use the computer#the 'no! thats not right!' when it doesnt fit like contextually whatsoever ajxksbsks#when you fail so they all vote for makoto LMAO#theyre like we know you werent even a suspect but you annoyed us enough to just let the killer win#the way byakuya and kyoko know all the answers but make makoto do all the work anyways LMAO#im only just past the third trial in the first game so pls no one say anything#its very important to my friend whos making me play it that i dont get spoiled#danganronpa
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"I used to think you were unapproachable. But here I am, approaching you"
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tag list (ask to be added or removed): @carrionsflower @statichvm @risingsh0t @simonxriley @tommyarashikage @bbrocklesnar @confidentandgood @unholymilf @florbelles @thedeadthree @shellibisshe @roofgeese @aezyrraeshh @faerune @tekehu @jackiesarch @jacobseed @minaharkers @sergeiravenov @carlosoliveiraa @rosenfey @queennymeria @shadowglens @nokstella @imogenkol @heroofpenamstan @fenharel @alexxmason @tethrras @jamessunderlandgf @a-treides @solasan @bigbywlf @delzinrowe
#otp: flying high!#oc: hideko sugawara#hideko x asahi#oc stats*#anime oc#hky oc#haikyuu oc#asahi azumane x oc#my edits#my ocs#annnndddd fourth place is here!!!#only one more to go after this#but honestly im tempted to make one for every ship i have#and theres quite a few tbh#but anyway we appreciate the total opposites this time!!#nothing like having a gf who makes your anxiety worse lmao#BUT she can be sweet too and hes really one of the only people to experience that#hes always been nice to her whereas everyone else she knows thinks she weird#and they do get together!!!#theyre a semi slow burn#and its not until he graduates/just after they win the finals that he finally tells her he likes her#and she was living in her little unrequited world for YEARS#so yeh - they are together i promise!!
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the masculine urge to take a saucepan off thr draining board and bash myself repeatedly over the head with it until I pass out and no longer have to experience feeling Bad 😍
#struggling to tolerate this one ngl its fucking dire this weekend. i just cant do this man#thr things i would fucking do for attention please. just one person to notice and care in the slighest i feel like im losing my fucking#mind out here how does every single person who has ever mattered to me in my lifr see me in distress and choose to ignore it or maybe they#dont even recognise im ij distress in the first place i dont know whats worse i dont think i hide it well at all im just so done#listen like ultimately its fucking fine. i will get myself through it like ive gotten myself through everything else in my fuckijg life#i dont even feel bad that often these days im doing so so so much better and its so much more tolerable to only have to deal with this#once or twice a week instead of it being a struggle every single day like i dont think i could go back to feeling like that again ever i#dont know how i managed to get througyh it before jesus fucking christ. but i can deal with it i can deal with this#ik ill feel fine tomorrow. its just thr fact im so desperately fucking alone with it that makes it so much worse than it has to be#i fucking hate repression i hate being so incapable of expressing myself that its easier for me to injure myself than it is to talk about#how i feel to anyone i hate being trapped in this stupif fucking torture labyrinth and not knowing how to get out of it and never being#given a single avenue anything to hold onto i hate having to do it alone every single fucking time and when i do try i just freeze out#entirely i cant form a coherent thought my brain enters total fucking shutdown pure static white noise fuzz and i dont know why please#its so unfair i dont think its that much to want a little comfort. just once just for someone to stay with me while i cry it doesnt have#to be more than that i just dont want to be alone like this i just want to feel safe around someone just close to someone just once#and well ill survive without it bc i always have i guess. so far at least. and there are many things im grateful for and i do in general#feel pretty okay my life is pretty good at times even. i feel so pathetic and stupid and ashamed for even feeling like this#but do i have to go my entire life without ever experiencing any kind of real intimacy with another person emotionally that is#i mean physical is nice too and they go hand in hand in some ways but i just want to feel seen and safe over anything.im tired#i feel like i try.but not hard enough i know its all my fault really but i dont know how to try any harder but nothing will ever change if#i dont i cant expect anyone to do anything if i cant rven communicate in thr first place. oh i dont want to think about it anymore#i have a headache from crhing and its not even 8pm ugh. okay. well it is what it is.#ill breathe until i calm down and then tidy up whatever i left in the kitchen and get my work stuff ready for tmr#and polish my boots maybe. and read and go to bed at 9:30 i think. and ill feel fine in the morning#my fault for thinking about it earlier i know i shouldve nipped it earlier on its such an easy spiral to fall into i need to get better#it happens. okay anyway. no cause for concern im good guys. weakly thumbs up at the camera all covered in blood#my period is late actually thats probably all this is lmao. makes sense thinking abt it#cant wait for it to finally start and all earthly desire to leave my body so i never experience pain again amen#.vent#ignore this sorry for being mentally ill im not even that mentally ill anymore so no excuse rly ummmm. bit embarrassing innit.
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i’m not a transandrophobia truther in the slightest don’t get me wrong, but i think some people on here really need to realize and comprehend the fact that cis women, way WAY more often than not, hold extremely significant social and political power over trans men the vast majority of the time in our day to day lives
#sorry not to get on this bullshit i just saw a related post when i opened this app lmao#and by some people i don’t mean anyone in particular im not vagueing anyone or any specific post#and i especially don’t mean any transfem calling out transmisogynistic transmascs either#but yeah i see a lot of implication that trans men are like. somehow significantly privileged over cis women#and ofc i don’t mean that transmascs are incapable of being misogynistic to cis women bc that’s far from the case#but i need someone to name a transmasc with significant political or social or financial power that’s working to set back women’s rights#versus the amount of cis women with any of the aforementioned privileges working to take away the rights of trans people#bc i can think of 4 of the latter just off the top of my head without trying really hard#and the only day to day instance i can think of where trans men would hold significant power over a cis woman is like..#a workplace environment where he completely passes as cis and absolutely no one knows he’s trans at all or even suspects it#but then again most if not all of that privilege would be stripped away the second anyone there found out he was trans#but yeah i really do think some people need to grapple with how they conceptualize gendered privilege and their own power in these dynamics#and how that’s reflected in the way they think about/interact with transmascs#are you disgusted with this random transmasc on tumblr because he’s a man (or vaguely adjacent) or because he’s trans. ykwim#and again i hate the whole transandrophobia thing i think it’s stupid as shit and redundant to put it lightly and briefly but#idk why transmascs that believe in it have become the new face of anti-feminism and MRA movements#and not like. the cis men who started both of those things and contribute to the vast majority of that type of rhetoric in every way#and also hold enough power to leverage those beliefs over both women and also transmascs tbh#i think some people are just repulsed by the idea of anyone willingly wanting to be a man bc they see it as the same as becoming a cis man#in terms of privilege. when in reality by being trans you’re knocked down in terms of power and privilege from all cis people anyways#but also. some people also need to realize that transmascs can also have trauma and complicated feelings about being a man and patriarchy#and more often than not we ARE traumatized by the way cis men (and women!!) have treated us#and grapple with our place in the world as a result. it’s not just as simple as becoming a cis man over night tbh!!#and again i’m not talking about transfems with any of this because the vast Vast majority of transfems understand this more than anyone#i’m mostly talking about cis women both irl and also just in the terminally online leftist sphere#and i also think i should be allowed to vent my grievances with the power cis women often do wield over me without being accused of being a#raging misogynist or MRA or whatever
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its important to go see a low stakes concert sometimes
#as in seeing someone in concert youre not an absolute nutbag about (as i have done this year and last year)#but last night me n my dad went and saw renaissance on their farewell tour#running on like 4 hours of sleep and seething to be at work right now#or rather i would be seething if i weren't so tired#new anger management hack: just get less sleep so your senses are dulled! anyway#funniest part of the night was the multiples times when my dad who is old was like 'everyone here is so old :/'#he was literally like 'if i ever get like these people just shoot me' LMAO#the concert was good i wouldn't call it like great or fantastic but such is the beauty of a low stakes concert#youre not living and dying on every song youre not singing along to everything youre just. enjoyin the show normally which is crazy#again as someone who has seen two bands (both bands two separate times and is seeing one of those bands a THIRD TIME soon) im crazy over#that experience is fun its bonkers and you definitely gotta do it for the bands youre crazy over. you gotta#but it was nice to just. have a regular time at a show#as far as the show itself there were a few little moments where things didnt go as smooth but that may have been bc it was the first show#and save for a few moments in some songs annie haslam knocked it out of the park she can still sing as insanely good as she used to#again some parts of songs were in a lower key? but most seemed to be the same and she was still hitting those bonkers high notes#so good for her. the band was pretty good but i felt they really only like all worked together well on a few songs#if that makes sense. but overall pretty good#and my anxieties about getting there and back were unfounded bc somehow it all worked. yay#our car service trip home was in a tesla i felt like i was gonna die the entire ride home lol#i am NEVER getting in one of those stupid cars again. big ass ipad as your dashboard this is insane???? im so scared???#anywho. old musicians are forever as ive been saying lately. and they really are#oh also we were at the town hall which is a nice small theater i was worried abt bein too far away but it's laid out really well#in that you're sure to get a pretty good view of the stage#it seems like half the size roughly of the beacon for whatever thats worth#OH i did see one dude somewhere in the audience with a sparks shirt so. hashtag represent#yet another concert report. yayyyyy#(im so tired)
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"Willow is a bad character because she's a mary sue" me when I missed the entire point of the show
#scrolling her tag and going insane#side note there is apparent a toh cr1t tag#I will not look at it for annoying takes to make fun off (affirmations)#at least i won't tonight who knows what the future holds#anyway im obsessed bc they were like#'imagine if willow was just a fan character in fanfics you'd all think she was pretty cringe huh'#NUHUH IM NORMAL UR WATCHING THE CRINGE CULTURE TOWARDS HARMLESS THINGS IS STUPID SHOW#also jesus fucking christ do you honestly think that a disabled coded woman of color being a badass is somehow overdone#like the reason ppl criticized MS's in the first place is bc we rlly do not need another white abled girlypop to be the super magical#chosen one and never be in the wrong ever#disabled ppl and woc don't GET that fantasy#also her powers aren't disproportionate to the universe at all#yes she gained a lot of power in two months but she's spent the past several years repressing her very potent magic to mold herself to#other ppls expectations the whole fucking thing is a metaphor for how disabled ppl who now have accomodations/can live their life on their#own terms do much better much faster than people give them credit for#and once again she's really powerful yes but she was for example nothing compared to Darius#she doesn't take on a coven head (though a battle between her and Terra would have been super interesting) and win and she can take care of#1-2 coven scouts on her own but needs support and help from others#if there are more of them#ALSO EVERYONE ELSE GETS MORE POWERFUL ALSO#why isn't Amity a mary sue for going from only making small abominations and needing a training wand to being like the 3rd strongest#abomination magic user? bc shes white?#their main complaint seemed to be that willow demasculated hunter tho#so like#lmao cope. seethe.
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I might have OCD actually
#idk i can't tell if its ocd or paranoia#but all my life these “share this text to 10 contacts or your mum will die” always made me unreasonably panicked#and more and more because of posts like “donate now or you are a horrible person” make me deeply unwell#i feel so selfish because i know it's not their fault#im not blaming palestinians reaching out for help more like the people who share the posts and then guilt trip everyone#and i really dont wanna block the tags because it'll make me feel even worse and i still want to be informed#i have so many asks pilling up but idk what to do because I'm useless i can't help in anyway i dont have any reach and no money in my name#and i dont wanna close asks because i do enjoy ask games#but also idk what to do#because when i reply its so hard i feel miserable because i can't help but as soon as i reply i get 20 new ones and it's incredibly overwhel#overwhelming#but when i dont answer my brain is screaming at me “if you dont reply your while family will die in a car crash”#and it's a simple mental image to think of the more asks i answer the more i get the more my brain tells me awful things#I'm sorry to any mutual i may have unfollowed because they shared so many guilt tripping posts i genuinely can't do it anymore#and i feel terrible#and I don't wanna leave Tumblr because it's my only social platform left lmao and thevother ones are all awful its the inly one i like#I'm just not in the right mental state to constantly see “donate or you dont deserve to live even if youre poor” kinda posts#it's not even triggering its just making my “ocd” worse than it ever was#all day long my brian been telling me “you will die today because you didnt answer the asks!!”#it's genuinely horrible idk what to do and eother way i feel like a piece of shit i feel like i dont have the right to feel this way
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i'm kind of amazed how most of the stardew marriage candidates just want you to be their manic pixie dream whatever by agreeing with everything they like and plying them with compliments or praise or whatever (which is fine but a bit. Much) but for shane his romance is just you being there for him while he figures his own shit out... dunno why i never wanted to romance him before he's so good
#i'm usually a sebastian kinda guy but i do think it's silly you have to say you like scifi to gain friendship points w him like cmon man#i will say though that. my bestie's baby daddy being named shane kinda does make it hard to like him 😭 unfortunate but not his fault#ik a lot of ppl are weird abt his recovery and his messy ass room bc they play stardew to make things look pretty or whatever#but i'm actually kind of glad he's a realistic depiction of addiction... the problem is his dependence on indulging in alcohol when he's#depressed not the fact that he drinks period... i think that a lot of ppl are unrealistic abt alcoholism (including me abt my dad's)#but concernedape did really good w him imo. anyways all this to say that i'm really glad shane never expects someone to be a certain way#i know most of the candidates are like. archetypes or whatever and i think that's fine they are very sweet and cute regardless but#i think maybe i didnt romance him before bc i related to him so badly that it hurt seeing myself reflected LMAO dead end life and being#suicidal about it like. i've never had a drug dependence but i'm not really in a position where i can ever make my own decisions anyways#but regardless. there is smth to someone who slowly warms up to you when they can't ignore your kindness any longer and have no reason to#act like an abused dog anymore which. does make me sad just to say but that is how he acts beforehand#idkkkkk idk i think people are always too caught up with his addiction and his messy room to actually see him without realizing that#getting better is a lot harder than it appears and that having a dirty room doesn't mean you aren't trying to be better. sigh#besides it's not like. the end of the world that he has a beer sometimes. have you tried going thru life completely sober? it sucks#ok im done LMAO but yeah i've found myself gravitating towards him this time around when i've romanced sebastian literally every playthru#til now. hmm!#ACTUALLY ONE MORE THING. i like how he's basically a twist on the classic useless husband trope in media where they love sports and drinking#but he's not a bad person and the only reason he's mean to you at first is because he hates himself and his own life and he makes an effort#the more you get close to him instead of the opposite. i like that a lot. ok now i'm done
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Sunday doodles
#you ever just *puts feet on the wall*#or sit upside down off the side of your bed#i saw a post earlier this week I've been trying to find about fearing god#i read it but didn't have time to share my thoughts and i forgot to save it to my drafts so i lost it#anyway they talked about fearing god in service today#the overlap of related events like this scares me all the time#like... i know this stuff just happens and they had this sermon planned for months and it's coincidental#''but what if god is actually real and this is him trying to talk to me? what if he's trying to move me back on track?''#that's something i can't help but think#i'm starting to think I'll never know what is real and whether there's a god and if i really am setting myself up to burn in hell#i have to make a choice whether to leave my friends and hide who I am and go back to the church#or be myself and enjoy my time alive knowing what could be waiting for me when I go#I know that sounds extremely dramatic but it's something I think about a lot#it's one thing for someone to have never gotten to known God#but some say that the one unforgivable sin - the only thing that can keep you out of heaven forever...#...is knowing god and accepting him in your heart but then turning your back on him#I've done those rituals; been baptized and taken communion and said the famous prayer#if that unforgivable sin is true then I guess i've already made my choice; there really is no going back for me haha#damn right that god is scary lol#not tagging the game because I monolouged too much lmao#doodles#sunday doodles#depressing sunday doodle posts have arrived once again#dw im chilling today just lost in thought#was able to put in pto so i get the day to reflect on the very important things 21 year olds think about#things like ''what could've been'' and ''how do i want to draw my next fluffy boy''
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Hello! I'd like to request "There's an 80% chance of this working out" from List 5 with Mahiru and Mikoto! Horoscope Girl and Tarot Boy...what will they do...
Ooh this one was so fun, thank you!! It was really neat learning about tarot :0 (It'll take a bit longer, but I got carried away with the idea and also started writing something of Mikoto doing a reading for Fuuta hehe). It always makes me sad that Mahiru doesn’t trust Mikoto at first, so it was really fun to picture them bonding over things like this during T1! I never thought of them having that in common and my mind has been opened to this duo asdfsdfds
“Alright, I’m going to need you to manifest your energy as hard as you can.”
Mahiru squeezed her eyes shut. Her face scrunched up in concentration. She let out a little hum of effort as she poured all her emotions into the card deck under her fingertips.
“Uh��� maybe not that hard, Mappi.”
She looked up with a giggle. “Right, right! I’m just so curious!” Well, she was curious about how a tarot reading itself would go, not about what it would tell her. Mahiru was fairly confident of her upcoming verdict, and the cards would only confirm it. So far only one prisoner had been named guilty, and everyone could see he was just a bully. Mahiru was nothing like him. She would be forgiven. She just knew it.
Mikoto started shuffling the cards. “Are you ready?”
“Oh, yes!”
To be honest, she’d had her suspicions about Mikoto for a while. His smile was too perfect at all hours of the day. (Even someone as cheery as her knew a smile like that couldn’t be consistently real.) She’d seen enough cheaters who chatted as easily as he could with everyone here. His nicknaming habit was a cute one, but she was keeping her eye on how informally he acted with little basis for friendship. She knew for sure he was a dangerous flirt when he’d grabbed her palm to read her fortune, launching into talk of life and love lines. However, none of that meant he was lying about his tarot expertise -- so who was she to refuse his offer to read her cards?
Her eyes glimmered as she watched Mikoto lay out three cards before her. Though he used the same theatrics he had for the others, she was just as entranced. It was just so magical, she thought.
Mikoto circled his palms over the cards. “We’re going to begin by looking at the past and present to get a bit of perspective before we move on to what your future will hold, alright?” He’d already explained that the cards couldn’t read one’s future as much as they offered self-awareness. He said it was all about being in tune with oneself, and the world. She was sure someone like him was already perfectly aligned within himself, but she could admit her heart carried her away at times…
Mahiru held her breath as he flipped the first card. She studied his face for any trace of negativity. Seeing her worry, he slipped back into his usual smile. “For the past, we have the Reversed Page of Cups,” he said. “This suit deals with emotions and intuition.”
Mahiru nodded, excited at the accuracy. Her past certainly had its share of intense feelings.
“This card in particular may mean emotional insecurity, or immaturity. It could also point to an avoidance of reality, something that’s not being faced head-on.”
She nodded, with a little less excitement this time.
“It also represents a specific person who influences you.” His face lit up, recalling Mahiru’s favorite topic. “Pages can represent a companion! Is there a romantic someone in your life who may have been causing some emotional insecurity?”
Picking up on the way her face paled, he said quickly, “or maybe not! They could be a messenger, or a childlike figure, or…” He reached for the next card. “Moving on, uh, to the present. Ah! This is a really good sign.”
She perked up.
“Here’s Justice. It’s fairly self-explanatory, representing the consequences that follow your actions. It’s about cause and effect, and accountability. It means things are happening according to karma, which is natural.”
He turned over the last card. “And finally, when looking to the future, we’ve got the Two of Swords. Swords deal with the mind -- conflict and communication. That’s… interesting.”
Mahiru’s eyes grew round. “What’s interesting?” She slid the card closer to herself, studying the picture. A blindfolded woman with two swords. There was water, and the moon. Was that bad? Was the woman unhappy? She was all alone. What did that mean?
“Don’t worry,” Mikoto soothed. “It just means you’ll make a big choice. Well, actually, it means you’ll get stuck, so you need to make a choice. I just thought it was funny, we’re here wondering about Es’ decision, but it turns out you’re the one who needs to make a decision.”
“Ah,” she breathed a sigh of relief.
“Now we can look at the big picture. It seems like some of your past problems may have come from emotional issues, so you’ll want to keep an eye on your emotions going forward.” Mahiru shifted. “The fact that we pulled Justice should reassure you about being here. I’ve heard some of the others complain that they don’t belong here, or it’s all a mistake, but this card is showing you that it’s just cause and effect. The events of your life are running their natural course.”
It was true, even she had been unhappy that her actions were being labeled that of a murderer. After all, those were an entirely different breed of people, right? Someone like Fuuta, who was guilty. People like her and Mikoto could never raise a hand to another. It was good to know, then, that this was all meant to be.
“And going forward, you’re gonna want to make sure you’re being decisive. Face your problems head-on, and communicate. If you can do that, things will be alright.” He folded his hands on the table, finished his reading.
Mahiru thought for a moment. A smile crept onto her face, growing larger and brighter by the second. She clasped her hands together. “That’s wonderful! Thank you so much for doing this. It’s told me everything I need to know.”
“Yeah?” He picked the cards up, shuffling them back into the deck. She pulled a slip of paper from her pocket, pointing to some lines scribbled down.
“Yes. I’ve been jotting down some birthdays, see? I’ve had to make a few guesses until I get more information, but if Es is either a Scorpio or a Virgo… as a Capricorn myself… we’re very compatible, look! Capricorns have excellent communication with both of those signs, and you said that’s what I’ll need to get through this tough decision.” She turned the paper over to reveal more notes. “On top of that, my extraction is scheduled right before my birthday, during Capricorn’s governing period. At that time, things will be aligned more in my favor.”
Mikoto’s eyebrows raised at her notes, impressed. “Wow! You have this all worked out, huh? If that’s the case, you seem very prepared to have a successful interrogation.”
She steepled her fingers. “I’d say there’s an 80% chance of this working out!”
“Definitely!”
He returned her beaming smile. Things would be perfect. Nothing to worry about.
#milgram#mikoto kayano#mahiru shiina#*narrator voice* and then she didnt communicate or face her conflict head-on.#it was too late to switch pov but im obsessed with how many tarot resources talk about being in tune with yourself and your identity#being secure and aware of your own mind#and just how clever it is that the symbol was chosen for mikoto...#tihtbilwy released just a few days before her birthday - thats so cute!#featuring @snakes-and-fluff's hc that mikoto can do palm reading and other things! i really loved that#there must have been such a crazy atmosphere in the prison during mahirus interrogation/verdict#halfway through all interrogations and only one person voted guilty - and hes the most obviously brash and loud one#i feel like everyone would be feeling really safe -- an then someone as sweet as mahiru gets her verdict. everyone would start to worry#if anyone who knows more about tarot/astrology sees any glaring flaws let me know lmao -- i did my best looking things up 👍#thank you so much for the request!! it was such a blast#(though also im yelling at you for sending it because ive been roped into reading my partners grandmothers cards possibly daily after#she caught me looking stuff up 😂😂😂)#drabbles
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