#it’s just that all my other connections are really recent
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fanfiction.net also send emails, though the site itself has devolved into a hot mess imo.
I think there's a really important conversation to be had here around the type of content-as-content that social media has pushed and pushed and pushed on people the last decade or so, to instill some implication that something has to be recent, current, brand shiny new, in order to be worthwhile or worth giving deeper connection and attention to. Content-as-text*, if you will.
Written works—which include fanfiction, yes—are as permanent fixtures as we can get of content-as-text, and they are evergreen in allowing for connection and engagement, and fanfiction is open to this in particular with the capability of comments (and direct messaging).
I think there's another element to this regarding how engagement with content-as-content, which does not seem to encourage in-depth interaction, lengthy discussion, or a series of back and forths between creators and audience or even between members of the audience. Content-as-text, in my mind, is much more encouraging of that, and was also heavily encouraged by Web 1.0 primarily with forums and early Web 2.0 with interactive blogging-forum sites like LiveJournal. Web 3.0, with its focus on constant generation of content (as content), summarily leaves the space and, I would argue more importantly, time for longer and deeper interaction and engagement in its proverbial dust; it is not concerned with how people actually feel about the content so long as they are still consuming the content.
This brings me to a thought concerning what I, and others, have noted as a lack of what I have frequently seen termed "curating your fandom experience." Algorithms now decide what to content-as-content to show based off what you have seen before. There are (virtually) no more chronological feeds. You can only "sleep" functions rather than say, "No." In short, you are no longer the one with the most agency in your online experience if you choose to use or be on certain sites. If this has been someone's primary modality of interacting with any kind of fandom spaces (or any online community spaces), there can almost be no way to have true organic community the way humans have always made community and made connections. You are not encouraged to view something older as still relevant, you are not encouraged to curate your own spaces because you are being given things based off a calculation of your activity, whether or not that is accurate. It's become a commodification of our attention, because so long as we keep consuming, they will keep the conveyor belt of content-as-content churning and turning.
This is a very circumlocutious and somewhat long-winded way of saying that we need to start taking back our spaces, our time, and our attention. Don't sort AO3 by most kudos or most comments; try sorting by first uploaded. Try not sorting at all (after you apply your preferred filters) and go five, ten, twenty pages deep to see what you find. Interact with the content-as-text as it moves you. Choose who you want to follow—use the "blogs you follow" tab on tumblr instead of the "recommended for you." Engage meaningfully with other members of your communities and find others through those connections instead. Use fanfic rec lists made by folks; make your own and share them. Take back your attention, your time, and your spaces.
*by "text" I mean anything that we can experience, read, or view as an audience and think and interact deeply about across modalities, not just written word
not to be "comment on fanfic even if they are oooold"
But I just read a pretty good fic published in 2014-2015 (you know, roughly TEN YEARS AGO) and I was like, damn this is so cool, I have to leave a comment, even if you know, they probably wont see it...
The author replied less than an hour later.
#on fandom#on fanfiction#on internet engagement#this got away from me but i have Feelings#sorry not sorry for hijacking
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It's kinda shocking to me how few people seem to know how prevalent the 'my great grandmother was cherokee' myth is and how it's almost never actually true, especially when it comes with things like 'never signed up' or 'fell off the trail' or 'courthouse burned down destorying the documentation' etc etc.
People just don't even seem to know the history like.. when the Trail happened. My great great great grandfather was 2 years old during Removal in 1838, so peoples 'my great grandmother hid in the mountains!' is so clearly wrong. And we have rolls. From before and after removal, rolls done by cherokee nation and others by the government, rolls that were not stored in one random flammable courthouse. It's not difficult to find the actual evidence of ancestry.
And just.. there are lots of ways those family stories get started. It was a practice during the confederacy to claim cherokee ancestry to show one's family had 'deep roots in the south' that they were there before the cherokee were removed. Many people pretended to be cherokee and applied for the Guion-Miller payout just to try to steal money meant for cherokees - 2/3rds of the applicants were denied for having 0 proof of actual cherokee ancestry. [We even see lawyers advertising signing up for the Miller roll just to try to get free money.] And the myth even started in some families in the cherokee land lotteries, where the land stolen from us was raffled off, including the house and everything that was left behind when the cherokees were removed. We have seen people whose families just take these things stolen from the cherokee family and adopt them into their own family story, saying that they were cherokee themselves.
If you had some family story about being cherokee and you wanna have proof one way or the other, check out this Facebook group run by expert cherokee genealogists that do research for free. Just please read the rules fully and respect the researchers. They run thousands of people's ancestries a year and their average is only around 0.7% of lines they run actually end up having true cherokee ancestry.
#and ive heard even dumber origins of the cherokee family myth#such as an ancestor having a silly sounding name so the descendents just go 'oh she mustve been an indian!!!'#i was one of the few people who had my ancestry done on the facebook and had genuine cherokee ancestry#[though i had found it before it was just really validating to get it double checked and i started finding cousins (:]#like. i was told once when i was a kid by my grandma that my dad had cherokee ancestry and i didnt believe her. its wild that so many peopl#will make it a Fixture of their identity [or even just smth they bring up ever] with Zero proof#at least for cherokees from what ive seen its usually considered really disrespectful to claim to have cherokee ancestry without#actually having the documentation [like ancestors on the rolls]#and no a dna test doesnt count. nor does 'my dad is Clearly not white!' or 'high cheekbones' or old family photos or anything#i had this discussion with someone recently whose dad had been calling himself 3/4 native but didnt know exactly what nation ???? hello?#and its like... sorry but ur dad is like. italian lol.#[and blood quantum is bullshit anyway im tired of the 'im 1/16 cherokee' comments its dumb#cherokee nation does not have a blood quantum requirement. its pointless bringing it up in the discussion of who is or isnt cherokee]#also mandatory disclaimer that im reconnecting. i didnt grow up connected to the culture of even knowing my ancestry#this is all from my looking into this stuff over the past year or so. i cant claim to be an authority over anything regarding this#this is p much all my repeating things ive heard said by people who know a lot more than i do haha#man. and this isnt even starting to get into the fake tribe stuff. the only legit cherokee groups are the 3 federally recognized bands#cherokee nation of oklahoma. united keetoowah band. and the eastern band of cherokee indians.#any others that are state recognized or not at all arent acknowledged as legitimate by any of the legit cherokee groups#anyway. my final message goodb.ye#cherokee#tsalagi
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Why do you think the tides have slightly turned from "Elia deserves better than Rhaegar" to shipping her and Rhaegar together? Like what is the psychology behind these people because I've seen some of them like/reblog anti Rhaegar posts while also shipping Rhaegar x Elia at the same time.
hey anon! my thoughts are a bit messy, but i’ve done my best to explain them coherently :)
so, rhaegar was the best man anyone could have when elia was alive, and most people want the best for their favs. he was considered the most handsome, didn’t have a bad personality, and he was crown prince—meaning elia was almost queen, which is often seen as the greatest role a woman can have. the narrative also treats rhaegar as a beautiful, tragic, haunting figure, and elia actually had this very aesthetically pleasing man all to herself at one point! she was married to him, had children with him, and her life was so close to perfect! but rhaegar just had to go and ruin it. 😠
for many elia stans, if rhaegar hadn’t fallen in love with another woman (they want him to have been a completely different character), then everything would’ve been perfect, and elia would’ve had the best, most desirable life. however, that’s not what happened—elia met a very tragic end, and as a result, these stans feel double the bitterness. because of this bitterness, they blame rhaegar for everything (even though it’s not logical to do so), but he’s just too ‘perfect’ to let go of. so, for years these stans have made rhaegar revolve around elia, filling his tag with posts about her out of bitterness. so, i do believe that this obsession with rhaegar x elia has always been there, but i think it’s become a more favorable stance on the elia stan side of the fandom because of a mix of reasons.
plus, rhaegar is one of the few canon relationships we know elia had, since she’s not much of a character. because of this, and the fact that most people don’t like to stray too far from canon, most elia stans are forced to focus on rhaegar, which has created an echo chamber. basically, if a sentiment about elia and rhaegar’s relationship becomes popular, then the whole elia stan side of the fandom will likely regurgitate the sentiment. (also, this desire to stick close to canon is likely why the elia x arthur ship was so popular. while it’s a total crack ship, it had good aesthetics, and since elia and arthur at least knew each other, it allowed the stans to create their perfect fanfiction whilst sticking it to rhaegar. but remember, elia was actually married to rhaegar and had children with him, so while arthur is cool, rhaegar was always ‘top dog,’ meaning arthur would never be able to match up to rhaegar to most elia stans. also, the arthur x elia crack ship is likely her second most popular ship, which just shows how little elia stans have to work with, so they’re always forced to eventually return back to rhaegar for a lot of things.)
however, even if the elia x rhaegar ship gains more popularity, these stans will never stop hating rhaegar because he wasn’t ‘perfect’—and he wasn’t perfect because he didn’t love elia. plus, rhaegar loving another woman and supposedly kidnapping her is what began the war that led to elia’s tragic death. that’s bitterness times 1000. and while i don’t actually blame rhaegar for the war, i do think that this is how an elia stan sees it. i also don’t view rhaegar’s complex relationship with elia as a bad thing—it’s actually a very realistic take on an arranged marriage between two decent people. but most elia stans will never be able to get over the fact that they almost had everything, which is why many have it out for lyanna, as they consider her a thief who ruined their ‘perfection.’
tbh, that might be why so many elia stans are so obsessed with the idea that rhaegar only got with lyanna because of the prophecy—they don’t want to believe that rhaegar actually loved a different woman and not their perfect self insert elia. that’s a bit mean of me… but i don’t know what else one would call the ‘elia’ elia stans have created.
now that i’ve laid all those thoughts out, i’ll try to explain why the tides seem to be turning… i think it may have something to do with the ‘targaryens are all evil and bad’ sentiment losing popularity. i think this shift has occurred due to a mix of factors, such as years of fandom fights and fandom cycles leading to the targs being more liked now than before. it helps that canon doesn’t actually condemn the targs/favors them quite a bit, and the influx of new targ fans from HOTD has also contributed. this combination of reasons seems to have shifted the way the mainstream fandom discusses all the targaryen characters, including rhaegar. so, with this shift, it’s only natural that some elia stans/elia x rhaegar shippers—who’ve always been there—are using this opportunity to push their agenda. while these stans still hate rhaegar and see him as the bad guy, they just can’t let go of him. and as the mainstream fandom moves away from the anti targaryen sentiment, these smaller corners of the fandom, which tend to be echo chambers, are also affected, which has therefore led to a rise in rhaegar x elia shippers and the ‘shifting tide’ that you’ve also noticed.
#‘if only rhaegar did this’ is a very common sentiment amongst elia stans#most stans have always had the ‘if only’ mindset#‘if only elia survived’ easily leads to ‘if only rhaegar didn’t run off with his whore’ as the targs become less hated#it’s kinda a pipeline? rhaegar anti plus elia stan leads to rhaegar x elia shipper who still hates rhaegar#another reason that a lot of this happens is because elia and the martells plus dorne are the good ‘others’ a person can like#while the targaryens are the ‘bad others’ one can safely hate as they’re white & have a bit of demon symbolism + come from an ‘evil’ empire#the targs also ruled over everyone so a lot of fans like pushing all the blame onto them for all the problems#however the targs are cool and they’re hot af and being royalty is the best! so they’re the ‘bad others’ one can safely hate#but people still want their aesthetic and want their favs to have what the targs had. all the cool magic + the aesthetic + danys monikers#so people can convince themselves that it’s okay and logical and right to hate the targs but most ppl will still connect their favs to them#of course… things have been shifting in the fandom which i’m very happy about#and all of these sentiments are combined and compressed when it comes to rhaegar and elias relationship#so any big shift on how the fandom views the targs will always affect the way rhaegar and elias relationship is viewed#it just so happens that the targs aren’t the evil dragon nazis anymore so it’s kinda okay for elia stans to ship him with her#i’m not gonna go through my tags and make sure they make sense so i’m simply hoping for the best#anyways… i hope i didn’t digress too much. i just found this shift so interesting so i couldn’t help myself#asoiaf fandom critical#anti elia stans#rhaegar targaryen#anti rhaegar x elia#house targaryen#valyrianscrolls#pro rhaelya#lyanna stark#rhaegar x lyanna#anon ask#thanks anon this was a fun topic to cover#i recently found a really old post about both elia and lyanna and boy… it was quite discusting to read#elia stans kinda cycle from ‘elia deserved better x crack ship with shallow aesthetic’ back to elia x rhaegar while shitting on rhaelya#just know that rhaegar is always the bad guy to them! the sentiment on lyanna will go from hot to cold but rhaelya is always bad as well!
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if your loved ones go out of their way to be nice to you, it’s because they want to 🖤 no self respecting person with healthy boundaries would go out of their way like that just to hold it against you later. i don’t know your friends but if they turn it on you later, they’re not honoring their own boundaries and have a lot of internal work to do. i know that these facts don’t necessarily make the feelings any easier to manage. i hope you can find a way to trust that they just love you and want to do nice things for you because of it.
#sorry about the pic I didn’t know how to respond to your lovely anon#I know my partner would never hold it against me!#it’s just that all my other connections are really recent#and it’s been a long time since I’ve tried to make friends#it didnt feel fair to bring new people in who didn’t know what they were signing up for#I didn’t want to put that on them#rationally I know that’s stupid#this is all just very new#and I’m not very good at it
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Ok seeing this post reblogged by this person makes me feel guilty and realize I never really got to say anything, so I'm gonna make a huge confession that's honestly kinda embarrassing, but I feel it's right.
Ever since around 7th or 8th grade I've been reading this set of two fics by the person I reblogged from over and over to the point where when I was in 8th grade English instead of reading actual books I brought an e-reader that connected to the internet and just read those fics. I've introduced it to my sister at some point, and i still remember her joke about "ignition socks" that was taken directly from this fic.
Even years later, I still revisit those two fics, and recently showed to a friend who loves FMA. However because of complicated reasons, I'm now recording the fic as a pseudo-audio book for her to listen to. Currently I've recorded up to chapter 5 of the first part, and I've committed myself to do a couple chapters a week. Btw my friend says he loves the fic.
I literally cannot publish the "audiobook" online because this is technically just a private recording and I don't want to deal with issues like copyright or author privacy or other issues like that. However, I am still going to finish all 101 collective chapters between the two fics.
So... thanks Strawbebeh (aka. ArtDirector123) for writing this fic.
(If anyone else want to read them, the fics are linked below)
current fan creation landscape is kinda like if you went to a party with a homemade cake and everyone takes a slice and silently thumbs up at you with no attempt to start a conversation except for occasionally some guy sits in the corner with a tape recorder critiquing the cake as though he was a restaurant critic and another guy is handing the cake to an uber driver like "yeah i need you to find a restaurant that makes cake like this so i can have more of it" and the only person that's talked to you in 30 minutes is a very sweet little guy who was like "hey i liked your cake" and then ran away apologizing for bothering you the moment you said thank you.
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i'm not an aroha i never really have been but i heard about fly and now i am crying
#it feels weird to say because i feel like people will judge me for it#but to be vulnerable for a minute moonbin's passing really hit me hard#i really don't know why but it did#and i was just crying every day for a week or two straight#i didn't gif or really come out of my room or anything i just sat around and was sad a lot of the time#and i still get emotional about it all the time#whether listening to yawn or any of seungkwan's recent covers/songs or just out of the blue#idk why i'm saying all this lol but there's probably others who have felt like this and i guess i just want to say you're not alone#and it's not weird to cry for someone you don't really know anything about or who you've never had any kind of connection with#idk i'm rambling idk what i'm saying i love u all#theo.txt#death tw#< lmk if i need to tag differently
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Misc. photos from the past year or so ~
#image commentary in tags once again since they don't allow captions anymore and I feel weird using the alt text for that --#1. napping bapy boye sneeping on his own foot as if it were a pillow#2. The little primrose that I have seems to bloom sporadically all year around as long as I bring it inside and don't let it freeze#in the winter. This was a flower that came up randomly like mid november lol#3. Rainbow where you can see a little bit of a second rainbow near the bottom of it :0#4. CHILDREN.... love to see them.....#5. Halloween Candy ranking tierlist. not important enough to post on it's own. so throwing it in with one of these I guess lol#I am also not really a candy person at all and prefer bready stuff like cakes rather than chocolate bars (if I even have to have sweets#at ALL which usually I prefer savory food). I suspect the apple is controversial but.. I do love apples .... huzzah#actually am having applle and peanut butter snack right now as I'm writing this lol#6. Various bowls/cups/etc. that I got from a store at COMPLETELY different times like.. years apart from each other#yet at some point realized that they all mostly match in paint color and seem to be part of the same pattern#But I totally didnt make that connection until a few years ago when I was putting up dishes. I just bought them all invidually because it's#like 'oh cool! a cat' *1 year later* 'oh cool! a cat!' etc. lol.. I guess it must be a popular design if it's been around being sold that#long.#7. carne asada burrito and matcha bubble tea... oughhgh.... again one of my very rare meals where I actually go and get something..#probably my favorite meal currently. Something about the Chronic Anemia makes me crave beef burritos madly despite only having one#maybe twice a year or so ghjbhj.. plus the beans.... onions.... many of my Diet Forbidden foods... Also of course the little aishas#are there.... somehow they shall split the meal together even though it's like 10x bigger than their bodies.. they are also hungry#and vastly anemic... huzzah to them...#8. I've had this shirt for a long time but it fits very weird so I can never find a way to use it in outfits?? But I recently had#an appointment where a doctor needed to be able to look at my back and it's one of the only actual Shirts that I have (mostly i just own#long robes or tunics or jumper dress type of things that would be hard to lift up or etc. like... I dont even own a single normal 't-shirt'#or anyting aside from one giant tshirt that I sleep in in the summer lol.) So I wore this there.. I forget how much I love the pictures on#it.. how pleasant... little hummingbird... AND I think one of the flowers is supposed to be columbine ... !#photo diary
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fuck im just so goddamn tired of hearing the same words everyday repeated in my head over and over again.
"I fuckin hate you J, i hope you know this" etc. every damn day. i just want it to shut up, or for them to just fucking say it at this point.
#j’s a bloody mess#whenever im having a day that isnt completely bad my brain decides to mimic what it thinks other ppl think abt me#spesifically my best friend. in which is the person im most anxious ant losing.#somwtimes i really wonder if its my own thoughts or them repating it in their own head and im somehow hearing it.#which sounds really unrealistic but. idk we sorta have a mental bluetooth connection so it isnt an unrealistic thought to me#(i dont have the energy to explain the bluetooth thing.)#chat can you be delusional and self aware of it?#or at least mildly self aware? gewsnkg this srsly makes me question my mental health but at the same time. im probably just lying to myself#to wallow in self pity even though i try my best to not express any of it.#recently its been a reoccouring thought that im just completely normal and ive managed to trick myself into feeling physical and mental pai#for self/pity. and tbh i literally dont know how wrong that is.#like its mostly abt the idea of getting therapy. or really help in general. what if im just normal and imaging all my issues or playing the#up? i probably dpnt need help right? its not like im gonna kill myself soon. hell i even quit cutting. im probably just a liar. sorry.
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hearing Alan talk about how much he liked Albert Grossman and Eric talk about how much he liked Brian Epstein makes my tiny emotional brain implode like GHGhHhh the Animals' actual manager was Not Good!!!!!!! they were actively looking at the managers of their contemporaries and wished they could've had that instead!!!!!!! 🥹
#alan's been talking A LOT about 'dont look back' at his concerts recently and g o s h everytime he does.... connie across the ocean weeps#especially since he talked about getting to know the bob squad in new york really well at first (WHICH I HAD A HUNCH ABOUT FOR A LONG TIME)#meaning that even when he was still touring with the animals!!!! he really looked up to albert!!!!!!!!!!!!#it wasn't just a case or him rushing to the bob squad after he left the animals for clout.... which i also been knew#IT WAS OUT OF COMFORT. SOLIDARITY. A NEED TO BE AROUND FAMILIAR FACES WHO WOULDN'T JUDGE HIM. GAHH G HHH#it hurts even more because ACCORDING TO ALAN.... bob and albert even asked him to join bob on tour!?!?!??#i have no idea what point the hawks entered the picture exactly bUT IT MAKES SO MUCH SENSE#hURTS ALL THE MORE. NO WONDER BOB WAS SO FRIENDLY WITH HIM AGHGGSGGGHFJDJDJDJSJ#alan couldn't do it because the fear of flying was just too strong... which bob completed respected and didn't try to force it#g o s h..... the universe where alan backed bob on keys....... wow#joan and bob.2: 'yayyyayaya!! alan price!!'#aNYWAY. HEARING ABOUT ALAN'S CONCERT LAST WEEK REALLY MADE MY BRAIN COLLAPSE.#also the bit about eric is also true..... he constantly talks about brian in his first autobio#constantly talks about how good of a manager he was and how he wishes they could've had brian instead 😭😭😭#ironic that the animals also eventually had a connection to allen klein through mickie most.... ggahhhhhhhhhhh#JEFFERIES. YOU TRAUMATIZED THEM. *shakes fist*#anyway..... at least alan and eric had each other <3 *proceeds to draw and write fix-it scenarios about them*#okay going to resume working on my 'misunderstood' project..... just finished the art eeeeee#i DREW CHAS AT THE DOCTOR'S OFFICE YESTERDAY!!!!!! 😄 btw. another Good Manager. he is a mother.#alan price#eric burdon#the animals#things i said today#mental illness is really strong today#dr pepper and 'shouts across the street' time#aleric#hehhehe haha heheh hehe teehee *explodes*
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;~; (tags vent)
#i feel so lonely and i dont know how to fix it#im trying to engage with people. im trying ot take space. im trying but nothing is helping#and like im hormonal so i wanna cry about it today#and like this loneliness isnt for one reason only#there's no One Thing#but so so many things making me feel like i cant connect#and even wiht making progress and even with coping and even with reminidng myself its okay to just feel bad sometimes like#i want company. i dont want online company i want irl company. i want friends. and im so miserable about the fact that i struggle to#make irl friends - not bc im not a good friend!! honestly tehre's been plenty of opportunities for me to make friends is the worst part#between work; disabilities; energy; and like interests/things to talk about its really hard to make friends (and tbh the first three-#really are the biggest drains). and i love my online friends i do i jsut. miss them all so much when i talk too much and then it hurts more#and i lost a friend group recently so im feelng really out of place#nearly everyday for the last idk. 5 months i had a group of people going “hey. love you” (even if they didnt say it verbatim daily) and lik#im so sad! and the feelings are coming out today ig cause i havenothing to do at work so im just. here#but yeah - ik part of this grief im experiencing is YET AGAIN experiencing change and loss re:friendships bc of things largely out of my#control /: and every time this happens it just brings up every single wound#im talking with my therapist about it too i just. wish friends were more permanent in my life yk?#or at least that i had friends irl still /: but all my deepest connections are all So far away#and it hurts so much to miss ppl rn im just. isolating myself#but i dont awnt to TALK. i dont want to TEXT. i dont want to hang out on a vc. i awnt to be held and loved and just talked to about anythin#other than the stresses in peoples lives. i want people to infodump to me w/o me having to Beg or Engage Correctly#i want people to tell me about themselves. jsut fucking lore dump in my inbox. its not dumping. i dont care about trauma dumping. if you do#cw i guess i jsut. im so tired. im tired of the “haiiiiii love you!!!!!” i have to do over the keyboard to have social connections#im tired of being so disabled i cant make friends bc no one wants to be friends w/ me irl and all the reasons (“ur a flake” “u cancel plans#“u never want to go out” “u never have energy” “why do you disappear when you need to recharge it makes me feel bad?” etc etc etc) all#relate to me being disabled and like.i feel like the problem. my existence is a problem. and the worst part is all iwant to do is just.#go run errands with someone. do important tasks &get a little treat to celebrate after. go to the doctor. the hospital. wherever im allowed#i want ot be a PERSON#): i jsut miss my friends#and liek im going to a thing later this month to try and make friends irl even if its just exercise friends
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there is undeniable opportunity to make bellum x linebeck fucked up but i dont have it in me. im a sucker for it just being fine with a side of like. light nautical crimes against nature but i cant make it toxic or w/e after a certain point. theyre chilling
#bellum x linebeck#salty talks#this is a light hearted post btw this is me celebrating enjoying making it soft at the end of the#the fucked up stuff is reserved for whatever happens during possession and also when theyre not romantically involved#ie. a lot of my aus. tbh tho they do also border on romantic? in a ‘canon’ ph or ph adjacent setting theyre just chilling#theres nothing straight up like really toxic with those bc 1 not my thing and 2 woulsnt really add anything imo#like i do think they can just strike up an agreement to not screw with each other and bellum figures he doesnt need to mess with linebeck#its the bonus of bellum can’t verbally communicate without showing that he has a human form#anyways. ive decided i cant actually warch gravity falls until i finish the fic anyways#i need to be able to say i havent seen it while i write this fic. there are too many possible connections i need this#also like. the most impact gravity falls has actually had on my life has been me seeing those twink humanizations of bill years ago#and that therefore being the main fucking reason why ive been fighting tooth and nail to get to the bellum humanization i have now#that fucker has caused me so many problems and i only recently found out what his fucking voice sounds like#anyways surprise surprise the person writing this fic for self indulgent reasons is catering heavily to themselves#tbh in post this fic and post ph (where its less like theyre dating and more like he occasionally makes it a polycule)#all of the bad shit is gotten out of the way before anything actually starts#with the aus where its a little more fucked its more just like. homoerotic. with different relationships around it#THO i do feel like theres somehow a pressure to make it fucked up? cuz its the default yknow. but i dont rlly like that so no#i think its more interesting for the work to be put in for it to be decent. i mean square one is bellum using linebeck as disposable bait
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you know if you guys voted for stretch armstrong i probably would have shut up a lot sooner tonight
#so really this is all your fault /lh /j#i love thinking about h2o tho so im happy#VERY FUCKING TIRED THO WISH I COULD SLEEP#i think my brain is kicking into overdrive after being filled with cotton the past 3 days which. hey im glad ur back bud#CAN YOU SHUT UP NOW I NEED REST#i was just thinking because im probably not posting that essay i will summarize here (i saw#that privating it made it lose like 4 recently edited paragraphs and i don't want to type all that out again my memory isn't good enough)#it just boiled down to the pods basically making a self fulfilling prophecy by orphaning their sons and making them increasingly#desperate for connections to other people like them which is why i think erik behaves the way he does esp when ondina is around#like i am not excusing his actions in the slightest dont get me wrong here he really fucked up BUT#his last conversation with ondina before he goes to the chamber kind of sold that idea to me#how he scoffs at her saying rita says it's dangerous because she's 'old school' and of COURSE old school mermaids think all mermen are evil#and then starts adding on how he wants to do this for HER and get her home back for her by controlling it#like a bit of an add-on at the end to try and convince her#i think what he really wants is to be hailed as a hero. you know. validation and acceptance from the ppl who originally abandoned him#the OGs who made him feel like an outsider. the ppl who ripped everything away from him just bc of the way he was born (which is prob why#when he's trying to convince zac to help him he keeps bringing up their ancestors bc that's what unifies them)#i don't think he's an evil dude per se i think he thought stealing the trident stone from rita's grotto would be small peanuts in the past#once he finally got the pod to come home bc he genuinely (mistakenly) believed he COULD control the power of the chamber#i also think that's why the camera keeps focusing on his face when he's watching the others panic over#zac's sacrifice and i think he is feeling jealousy bc they are paying attention to him and not Erik#like that's not the face of someone who deeply regrets what they just did. my guy is just sitting there like 'that should be me rn'#i think that is why he also sounds so desperate to make things right with ondina afterwards. iirc he's just like 'wait no we can start ove#RIGHT?' and she's like 'uhhhh... no??????' (valid). my dude is lonely as fuck and he finally found a group of ppl like him and he messed up#big time just trying to get their attention and affection bc he couldn't just be normal abt it he had to go big or go home#like i kind of feel bad for him in a way#but i feel bad for everyone#i felt bad for denman the other day! that's how bad this is getting!!#i mean come on imagine making the scientific discovery of a LIFETIME only for all that shit to happen in a row#especially after you get your comeback. they just go right back to fucking you over again
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We’ve talked in the past about Julia’s red shirt (in her season 1/season 4 outfit) showing her sympathy towards Carmen. What about other parts of her outfits?
First, to contrast with the red shirt peeking through her dark pantsuit, we have Julia’s ACME suit.
[ID : two cropped screenshots from the 2019 show Carmen Sandiego. The first one shows Julia Argent on the train in India, in her dark suit with red shirt outfit. The second one shows Julia in Rio de Janeiro, in her ACME suit. End ID]
The ACME suits, being uniforms, are all the same (the biggest difference being skirts for the women vs pants for the men), the same way the agents are asked for uniformity, conformity and following orders.
The suits have no color apart from a navy so dark it’s close to black - in fact, depending on the lighting they look almost black and white. Quite like their way of thinking.
[ID : a screenshot from the 2019 show Carmen Sandiego. Agent Zari and Random White Agent stand on either side of a door. They are in the shadows and their uniforms look dark and desaturated. End ID]
As I noted on a previous post, at the same time Julia receives her suit and as such lets go of her red shirt, she is asked to renounce her feelings that Carmen is innocent. Season 2, where she almost exclusively wears the ACME uniform, is the one where Julia briefly doubts Carmen and struggles to reconcile following her superior’s orders with her convictions. Ultimately, when she does not manage it, she resigns (season 3) and as such goes back to her red shirt outfit. It is in that outfit that she teams up with Carmen in a substantial way in season 4.
Other agents (and, notably, agent Zari, the most featured ACME agent apart from Julia and Chase) tend to wear black gloves. In line with their behavior, this suggests keeping a distance with their environment, refusing to feel things too deeply. Julia doesn’t wear gloves, however, not even in Stockholm where the weather would definitely justify it. Despite Chief's insistance, Julia keeps paying attention to her feelings.
Then, Julia’s glasses. Her glasses in seasons 2-3 are ACME regulation eyewear : once again, they’re part of the uniform, so the same model as the other ACME agents. Big, bulky, they’re almost rectangle in shape, all sharp angles : this suggests rigidity and an absence of flexibility in ACME’s mentality. Also note the dark lenses : they symbolically obscure the vision.
[ID : a screenshot from the 2019 show Carmen Sandiego. In Indonesia, Zari and Random White Agent stand against the sky. Their glasses' lenses are noticeably very dark. End ID]
And what about Julia’s original glasses, the ones she wears before joining ACME and those she returns to as she leaves ? They are the exact opposite of the ACME glasses : round and clear, what you need to look at the world as it is.
[ID : a cropped screenshot from the 2019 show Carmen Sandiego. In San Francisco, Julia wears her red shirt outfit with her round glasses. End ID]
#carmen sandiego 2019#julia argent#if you think i'm reading too much into this. yeah. i'm me. reading too far into tiny details is what i do#(though tbh i keep going from 'this is reaching right?' to 'this is so obvious i'm breaking down an open door' so...)#and let me tell you i'm having the time of my life#you wouldn't imagine the glee i felt thinking about this#mentally i'm lying oin my bed giggling and kicking my feet as i type this#that post wasn't lying. the most fun a girl can have is analyzing making connections seeing patterns etc#anyway with all that (see: post) in mind if i had been in charge of the show i would a. have put julia in a uniform with pants#oh my god that skirt is the ugliest thing i've seen in my life.#also i want julia to be butcher#b. maybe more importantly i would have made julia wear her uniform sliiiightly wrong#like sometimes her tie isn't well fastened. or her vest is partially unbuttoned#or like that moment in rio where she says she still believes in carmen's innocence and her glasses are low and she has to recenter them#(they sort of have that with the gloves but she's not the only agent not to wear them so it doesn't really go all the way)#idk. like she tries to fit it tries to just put her head down and work tries to get into that mold acme wants her to be in#and she's. not terrible at it. she's used to being discrete and working well#with only a quick look you think she's perfectly in line with the other agents. a closer look however tells you otherwise#and shows you how she's not quite at ease with what's asked of her and it makes her miserable#which leads to her leaving acme later#do you see my vision
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i hope you know im selectively uploading things to protect you all from lies of p content
#(as in ive only uploaded the first and third one here and the other three are LOP)#not art#why? because i wasnt even the fucking one to play it i watched Asunder playing like. a few fucking scenes because he chewed#through that fucking game like he'd played it a million times (and enjoyed it). and like. i know nothing. of the game#im one of those ''if im making fanart i better know half the games lore minimum or have been playing for years (eg TES)''#but this game? I know next to nothing about it#im saving you from ''haha interesting character concepts go brr but i have to put it in my style so i know nothing AND am playing#with the characters like dolls'' content. just kidding mostly im stopping myself personally but like#its funny af bc i generally upload everything i do (yeah. i really genuinely did stop drawing for ages bc i havent been awake in this#body more than like five mins a day since spring yaddah yaddah but yeah its not that im just not uploading lmfao) and then i open#my recents and its like. I Do Not See It. its very clear that the only things i havent uploaded(or am avoiding working on BECAUSE#i dont want to upload them) are lies of p LMFAO#.... oh when i say ''if im making fanart'' i mean continuously. i do bits and pieces here and there but can you tell lies of p may become#a theme for a hot minute#god wtf has this game done to me. i really cant stand fairytale-based games nor do i ever really like soulsborne-likes lmfao#i also dont like character design when all the characters are really conventionally pretty or lean towards it#...... i fully expected to never even slightly connect w lies of p lmfao
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So. You know when you find one particular bit of writing advice that, when you consider it regarding your character, makes you realise that you've been trying to tell entirely the wrong story with them?
And as soon as you figure that out, pretty much EVERYTHING else falls into place, and it's just like
#ooc#mun rambles#I'm just#amazed?#I'd basically abandoned Lauren's story for ages#because for all my years of working on it I could never figure out how to make it coherent#and I just stumbled upon the bit of advice recently about the main character's goal being the driving force in their story.#I sort of went 'huh I should consider that for other projects going forward'#and then just sort of thought '...well I wonder where considering it with regards to Lauren would take me...?'#I realised the problem was that her goal really wasn't informing the plot at all#so I began reconsidering#and just#ALL the pieces just came together#I spent like an hour or two this morning just RAMBLING all sorts of ideas for it and they all FIT#and worked together so well; everything connected together so much better#her story in my head makes so much more sense now#and I'm actually excited to get working on it again!
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just watched notting hill which is supposed to be like an epitome of a good romcom and... Well. Let's just say i highly disagree
#jab we met (2006) really fcked up my expectations of what a good romcom should be#also stuff like nothing serious (2021). it's not enough with the pretty cinematography the colorful#(pun intendes cause they're all white) cast of side characters and the chemistey between the lead actors#i need their background their baggage their context how they actually connect as human beings and change each other#otherwise you're just preaching a stupid idea of what love should be and making up a story where the main couple#go back and forth because PLOT but it's actually because there's practically nothing going on between them in terms of actual trust#you're selling infatuation as love and they're not the same#so in notting hill we know anna has all these troubles. we know she has been in an abusive relationship one after the other. we know she#has a bf by the time she meets the guy. we know that but we never EXPLORE that. we see she's deeply hurt that her intimate#photos were leaked and that her relationship with the guy (her only solace) was revealed to the press but we never really DEAL with the#consequences of that. we're TOLD the guy is a hopeless romantic and an pverall decent fellow. they let drop he dated bella at some point#and worst of all we know he got divorced recently. but we never see his ex wife we know nothing about her he doesn't seem to think#about her at all which is odd at best for someone who claims to both be very devoted to the one he's in love and also claims he's#only been in love twice (bella & his exwife) before anna. we don't see their baggage just hear it. we don't see them talk it out or work#through it and when anna reacts roughly surely because of stress and trauma the narrative ends up putting her in the wrong (though to be#fair he isn't protrayed as being in the right exactly). the film is supposedly all about illusion vs reality and anna's deakre to be seen#for what she is (just a girl standing in front of a boy asking him to love her thing) but actually the movie is about infatuation. a deep#one sure buy not about love. it's about solace but not nuance. it's fairy tale but fairy tales don't work in real life. we're supposed to#strive for the fairy tale which is literally completely impossible to achieve#effective romance movies and romcoms have that fantasy element for sure but they stay grounded. if not in plot surely in human connection#laura watches stuff
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