#it’s just funny what presentation and marketing does

[blood-ology]

I think a really funny social experiment would be to have some prestigious store that people just buy from to show their wealth come out with a line of the most genuinely ugly and horribly designed items/clothing ever just to see if people will buy it anyway. Like I guarantee the rich people would buy from it anyway if they marketed it the same as always and were pushing it like it’s some state of the art, ahead of the curve, ethically sourced shit.

[micer2012]

a reflection on MatPat's plagiarism

Hello, my name is Della, or micer2012, and 2 years ago Game Theory plagiarized three Tumblr posts of mine, making a video that now holds almost 6 million views.

My posts explaining his plagiarism made their rounds on Reddit, Tumblr and Twitter, but despite the Hermits and Pooka commenting on it (generally in support of me or saying they don’t know enough details about the situation to say either way), MatPat and his team have never owned up to anything, and no mention of my name is present on the video. The one Reddit post they made denying it (which was made before my detailed takedown, which they have never responded to (though the mods on the r/GameTheorists Reddit were kind and made sure it stayed up)) didn’t even mention me by name, just referring to me as “a tumblr user”. (Though one of the screenshotted comments in the body of the post does say my name)

This experience was baffling, but it’s overall had a positive impact on my life. r/Hermitcraft gave me a Golden Apple Award (post of the year, 2021). My inbox was filled with excited fans, wanting to ask me questions or pose their own theories, far more than the hate I got. (Though the hate I got from Game Theory fans was VERY funny. I wondered why none of them gave me shit about saying “MatPat misgendered Evil Xisuma” before realizing none of them read that far into the post.)

And getting on a more personal, and much more important note, I met most of my current online friends through this, including my partner. It helped me grow closer with my irl friends as well and gave me an entertaining story that I tell whenever I have the chance. It was one of the first things in my life that really made me feel like my talents, my autistic hyperfocusing and analyzing of things I love, could be valuable. Useful. Exploitable. It blew my mind that MatPat thought an autistic kid’s ramblings about a Minecraft Youtube joke character were good enough to steal. To put an audible sponsorship on. To get 6 million views off of.

And that’s why I’m writing this post, this update years later. As you might’ve been able to guess, Hbomberguy’s Youtube video on plagiarism reopened this wound. It was really hard for me to sit through, it took days of pausing and taking breaks, because I had experienced everything he was talking about firsthand. 

In my 10 page long takedown post, I wrote about how his rewording of my sentences made him say things that were incorrect, just like Filip did. The content farm production style that made big companies like Cinemassacre take one creator (AVGN/MatPat) and turn him and his content into a brand, a voice that reads out scripts by other people with other opinions/theories, is a history shared with Game Theory. What really hit me was Harris talking about how big creators only do this to people they think they can get away with doing it to. How they view their victims as lesser, as not deserving of their words, repackaging them as their own to give to an audience that can gain from hearing them, but deserves better than to have to listen to the original victim.

That’s the thing, I 100% think a video version of my theory to expose to a bigger community than “Evil Xisuma Fans on Tumblr” is a great idea!! Near the end of the video Harris talks about how video adaptations of things could be a great market, even an accessibility tool, and I completely feel that about my posts. I wrote them quickly assuming the reader was someone well versed on Evil Xisuma lore, after not even watching most of the CarnEvil series, and the diagrams I made to explain them are even less comprehensible. Harris makes a joke that I completely agree with, 

“I’m sure some of my videos would do very well if someone translated them into English.”

I don’t think I would’ve ever made my posts if I didn’t have autism, and a special fixation on Evil Xisuma and Hermitcraft. I made them because I felt the character was being done an injustice, and because I wanted to share with other superfans this theory that might explain it away. I do think that MatPat plagiarizing me was ableist. I used to wonder a lot if this would’ve happened if my posts were articulated better, if they had been peer reviewed, if the posts themselves had been spread to a wider audience before MatPat made his video. At one point when the discourse was fresh (before I had the time to write out my 10 page rebuttal), a bigger YouTuber (100k subs at the time) messaged me and started talking on Discord, interested in possibly making a video on the discourse, but I think my style of typing and general enthusiasm drove him away. You can tell by a single look at my blog (or my original 3 posts!) that I don’t usually type like this. This post you’re reading now has been peer reviewed and edited, and took me hours to format correctly. That video could’ve been huge, the entire outcome of this MatPat situation would probably be much different.

I also used to stress a lot about “being the one who ruined Evil Xisuma’s story”. If you didn’t know, to me S8 Evil Xisuma’s story got wrapped up pretty quickly and unsatisfying (in my personal autistic opinion). (though this might’ve been due to s8 being experimental and ending early with moon big) There was no real culmination of the plot points and arcs going on, and I don’t want to blame myself, but when Xisuma said on stream (when the MatPat thing was first going on) that he didn’t want to focus on the discourse or draw more attention to it, it makes a lot of sense to me that he just wanted to wrap it all up as quickly as possible. For a while I beat myself up about it, of ruining the story of this character I love, but it’s not my fault. If anyone’s, it’s MatPats, but I don’t think it’s useful to just blame someone else. That’s how the story ended up going, and that’s fine. This is Evil Xisuma we’re talking about, their inconsistent lore is what made them such an interesting character. And notably, Pooka made an animation with an awesome culmination of Jeff, the Dreamer, Evil Xisuma, and his own sona’s story, and it makes me so happy to watch. Whatever Pooka does is of course his own choice, but I’m glad he got to give this personal story his own ending (if it is an ending, and not just the start of a new chapter!). 

Typing this all out and getting it off my chest has made me feel a lot better. For a while I wanted to make my OWN video essay about Evil Xisuma’s lore and CarnEvil’s lore, actually going episode by episode to explain it instead of just assuming you knew as much about Evil Xisuma as I did. That idea is still not off the table, but MCYT isn’t something I’m that into right now. Maybe if something else comes out about Evil Xisuma I’ll get back on it, but for now I’m fine with letting that go. But I want to make other videos, share other theories and analysis… if I have the freetime I’d love to make YouTube videos, and if I don’t have the time I’ll continue posting to my tumblr and infodumping to my friends. Apparently my infodumping is valuable enough “content” to steal! Writing this out has made me feel a lot better though, I’m really glad I got it out.

If anyone ever wants to talk to me about the things I’m obsessed with, or reach out to me as a source in a bigger discussion about Game Theory or other channels, my inbox is more than welcome :] Thank you for reading! 

Sincerely, a tumblr user.

[kittykattropicanna]

would you please be able to go into more detail about your prison penpal!simon? why is reader doing it, how did they choose simon (if they had a choice at all), the sorts of letters they exchange? and if they’re any sort of smutty bits for them too? your mechanic au has me absolutely feral beyond words so seeing this made me so excited.

Omg you’re my first asked AHHHHHH I want to scream thank you so much!!!!! 

Absolutely I can go into detail about PrisonPenPal!Simon :3  I can't get out of my mind how deprived he is argh!!! >:( all this time alone, and now that you're here writing him pretty little letters, he can't imagine life without you :3

TW: mentions of murder, jail, corruption kink, breading kink, masterbation (Reader & Simon), public masterbation (kinda), smut, not sub!simon but he does cum in his pants, ahhh you're both just so obsessed with each other :3

PrisonPenPal!Simon masterlist

Regular masterlist

I’ll give you a little back story to why Si actually ended up in jail…

I feel like he retied, left SAS and tried to integrate back into civilian life but failed miserably. He started going out to bars and drinking pretty heavily. The alcohol made him angry, he never was outwardly violent, but everyone could tell he was just a very dark, tortured guy that sat in the back of the bar every night and drank himself stupid. It was like an unwritten rule that nobody bothered him. His a massive guy who’s ex military, if you had half a brain you would leave him alone. 

One night he was leaving the pub and this stupid, stupid 18 year old kid thought it would be funny to try square up to him and impress his friends. 

It didn’t matter how many times they told him to quit it and leave Simon alone, he still trudged up to him with his head held high and chest puffed.  

This kid came up behind Si and punched him in that back of the head. It wasn’t a good punch by any means but it was more then enough to drive Simons drunk brain into utter rage. 

He turned around and punched this kid straight in the head. He went down like a stack of bricks, head making direct impact with the concrete floor, killing him instantly. 

The kid was only 18, he had so much life left to live…..

Of course Si felt absolutely disgusted in himself, he couldn’t believe what he had done. Killed a poor kid who made a stupid decision and ultimately ended his life as well. 

He handed himself over the the police without hesitation. He went quietly and respectfully, cooperated with the police throughout the whole trial, never redirecting blame onto the kid or made it harder then it needed to be. 

He pled guilty for involuntary manslaughter and assault. Gaz, Johnny and Price all pitched in to get him the best defence lawyer humanly possible……ultimately, it worked. Even though the general public was outraged at his light sentence. 

Simons lawyer claimed the punch was in self defence. Someone attacking him from behind also trigged his PTSD resulting in Simon not being able to control his actions in that moment. 

These defences along with him serving in the military for 15+ years and cooperating with the authorities got him 8 years in prison, his sentence was quickly reduced to 4 because of his good behaviour. 

It wasn’t an ideal situation by any means, but it was the best case scenario with the cards he was dealt. 

But lets fast forward to the present….. How did you decide to actually start writing to an inmate? How did you even find out about it?

I have this really cute idea that maybe you were walking through the shopping centre and there was one of those pop up markets that sit in the middle of everything, you know, with the really annoying people that flag you down and you have to awkwardly not make eye contact and walk past them while they’re try and sell you stuff?

Yeah, one of them. This specific stand kinda caught your eye though, It was called “Write An Inmate”

You talked to the guy at the stand about what exactly “Write An Inmate” was and he explained that he was part of the program when he was locked up, how much it helps inmates get through their sentence, helps connect them to the outside world and genuinely just keeps them hopeful. 

First off you were a little hesitant…..speaking to someone who’s in jail because they broke the law sounded a little scary…. 

But hell, its a start of a new year and taking some time out of your day every once in a while to write a short letter to help keep someones hopes up is the least you can do. 

Besides! One of your childhood best friends big brothers went to jail and he wasn’t a bad guy! One of your new years resolutions was to spread more kindness and this is just a perfect way to do so!

Once you got home, you look up the website on the brochure that was given to you and quickly start scrolling through inmates.

They all had profiles with information about them. You couldn’t see what they were in for, but you could see other information like their name, age, date they signed up for the program, time served/time until they get out, amount of letters they have received, a short description of who they are/what they like and a few photos showcasing what they look like. 

You scrolled through a few but they all seemed to have gotten hundreds of letters, you wanted to write someone who wasn’t getting flooded every week with letters, maybe send a letter to someone who could use a pick me up. 

Clicking on the last page you scrolled to the very bottom and click on the last inmate before it even had time to load. 

Once the page opened the name “Simon Riley” appeared on your screen

After looking through his profile a wave of sadness rolled over you 

Name: Simon Riley, most people call me Ghost  Age: 36 Joined: December 26th, 2021 Letters Received: 0 Time served: 3 and a half years  Sentence ends: Year and a half  Description: ex military. I like dogs, big ones not small ones, the outdoors, playing cards and motorcycles. The first thing I want to do when I get out is to eat a steak. 

Attached was three photos. I won’t even lie, they’re definitely dad selfies from different angles HAHAHA they’re such grainy photos too, like they’ve been taken on a 10 year old android. 

Two of the selfies are him with a black balaclava on and the last one was of his face without anything covering it, but again it so grainy you can’t really make his facial features out. 

Simon had joined the program two years ago and hadn't received one letter. You felt horrible, he joined the day after Christmas probably hoping to receive something, anything, but not one person took the time to write him….. 

So obviously Simon was going to be your prisoner pen pal, how could he not be…..

I think the letters start off pretty innocently tbh, you don’t start writing to Simon with the intention of starting any sort of sexual or romantic relationship, it truly is out of the goodness of you’re heart, you sweet girl :(

Simon had totally forgotten about the program honestly, imagine his shock when the prison guard threw him a letter. 

When he frowned and asked who its from the guard just shrugged and said “write an inmate program” and walked off completely unfazed. 

But again, starts out super innocent, things like “I saw that you like big dogs, what’s your favourite breed?” and “what’s your favourite card game? I know how to play blackjack but I’m not very good haha”

I’d like to think you don’t even disclose your gender or name at the start. Keeping everything under lock and key. 

Simon also answers back with pure intentions at first, he has an inkling you may be a women because the hand writing is wayyy to pretty and delicate to come from a man. 

But again! He doesn’t get his hopes up, it could be an old granny for all he knows, but he can’t shake the idea that maybeeeee it could be someone a little more his type, ya know ;)

After a couple weeks of writing letters back and forth you feel like you’re getting to know him a little better. He asks you to call him Simon, not Ghost and he starts writing the cheesiest dad jokes at the bottom of every letter. 

“Two fish are in a tank, one turns to the other and asks “do you know how to drive this thing?” a little army humour for ya’ :)”

His so charming in such a rough and rugged sort of way you know? It sounds silly to say, I mean, you’ve never met him! But the way his handwriting is complete chicken scratch and how he adds little “:)” “:(“ and “>:)” makes you giggle! 

You end up telling him your name and how old you are, I mean, its only fair! You know his name! You definitely didn’t tell him because you wanted to get his mind racing, get him thinking about all the different possibilities, make him fantasize…

Its fair to say you have a little crush on him :( ahhhh its so humiliating! A city girl like you, good job, successful family and a bright future laying in bed every night fucking your pussy with a brand new dildo you bought just so you could imagine Simon, a felon, fucking your little cunt :( 

When Simon sent his letter that week asking for a photo of you, your little crush just got bigger :(

“Its only fair don’t ya’ think? You know what I look like, why don’t ya’ return the favour sweetpea ;)” 

And of course you did!! He asked so politely! 

Putting on your pushup bra, doing your makeup and styling your hair all for him:(((

You get so frustrated because you don’t want to look like you’re trying too hard for him, argh! Its all so embarrassing!! Your such a needy girl >:(

You make sure to push up your tits, your bra helping them spill out over your cute little shirt and giving him a good view of your gorgeous body. 

After an hour of taking photos you finally get the shot you were looking for 

Eyes sparkling, cute little smile on your lips, light hitting your face just right, lacy bra slightly peaking out the top of your shirt just enough that it looks like an accident, beautiful tits sitting right in frame so he can get a good look and the slight curve of your waist visible. 

Its perfect, it look so effortless…..in your eyes at least

When Si received your letter, his cock got hard the second he saw your picture :((((

Since his been locked up he hasn’t been able to jerk off properly >:( 

His balls are so heavy as is, and now he has a photo of you 

He could basically cum in his pants at the thought of holding your waist as you ride him. Using his big callused hands to fuck your pretty pussy onto his aching cock >>:((((((

You’re so put together! nice clothes, from the look of the background, nice apartment, clean bedroom. Just the thought of him corrupting you, fucking his baby into you, making you move into a shitty little apartment while he works and you look after his chubby baby makes his dick start to twitch :3

Before he can stop himself, he cums all in his pants :(

He hasn’t cum properly in years! yet a simple photo of you did it for him in seconds!!! You’re such a nasty minx, you know exactly what you’re doing you dirty girl >>:(

That night he lays under the covers, his cell mate fast asleep on the other side of the room as he slowly pumps his cock to the photo of you.

Eyes closed and head thrown back against the thin pillow, he bites his lip so he doesn’t make any noise. 

You see, playboy magazines get passed around all the time, they’re not hard to find if you know the right people, but it just doesn’t do it for Si!!

Of course they’re beautiful women, there’s no doubt about it, but everything so photoshopped :(

Si likes his women natural. No skin smoothing filters or enhancements from photoshop, he likes his women real 

His so deprived that he cums in record time, his hot load shooting all over your face, the once clean photo now sticky and stained….

He wished he had it in him to be embarrassed, but he just can’t! God, he needs to hear your voice, your picture just isn’t enough anymore….

In his next letter he asks if he could use his monthly call to speak to you……Johnnys just gonna have to wait, they can talk football another time >:(

Aghhhh, PrisonPenPal!Simon is so fucking cocky it hurtssss, PrisonPenPal!Simon is open for requests so feel free to send them throughhhhh, add to the AU, ask me expand on certain topics, whatever floats your boat >:)

!Disclaimer! - Above is NSFW content - MDNI - If you follow my blog without your age in your bio, you will be blocked - If you are under the age of 18, you are not welcome here, otherwise, enjoy :)

Cat divider sourced by @positively-mine from Pinterest - Pink line divider by @eloquentreverie - MDNI divider by @cafekitsune

Basic blog housekeeping -  fic requests guidelines, boundaries and my rules for minors

[talleyuh]

just finished the bear season 3 and there is such a collective cognitive dissonance from everywhere from the writing of the show all the way to the social media marketing.

i know i’m biased because i particularly like syd and carmy together, but this season was strange but in different ways than the last season was strange.

not only does carmy take a backseat as a protagonist about halfway through, he and syd have hardly any scenes together, but i think the show almost suffers for it. this season was certainly funnier than the last, but the neil and ted fak got old and old fast. it certainly doesn’t help that even though carmy has a new arc every season, but he doesn’t take the lessons he should’ve learned into how he should act going forward. it’s stunting his growth and now that we have three seasons to compare to one another, it’s only more apparent.

we’ve already talked about how funny characters are stronger than comic relief characters and that’s essentially what the faks are. i really liked neil’s more vulnerable moments where he got to be taken seriously but it’s hard to take him seriously when all of his screen time is him doing stupid shit. also the hauntings thing? it really was not that funny.

also the show is making such an active attempt to rewrite its own history and i don’t understand why. so many little details that connect moments from the past and present to make up who the characters are and yet it’s kind of being thrown out the window.

claire being described as carmy’s peace threw me for a loop because he felt out of place in his own relationship. i think we all know the clip of carmy’s late s2 panic attack where thinking of claire and him together makes it worse but now we are given so many more scenes of when he was happy? what narrative are they trying to spin here? was carmy genuinely in love with claire or mostly disinterested, because it can’t be both.

even claire doesn’t seem interested in being with carmy at this point, and who can blame her?

her presence was just kind of weird to me, because she didn’t really interact with the rest of the cast until the 9th episode. i think her brief hospital scenes were to flesh her out more, but it’s really just creating vulnerabilities and revealing the seams. and because she’s never really been developed as much as everyone else in the series, we’re left with more questions. who was that in her bed? why was she never fired for insane medical malpractice? what is any of this for?

also a lot of the lighting this season has changed. i saw one user (can’t remember who but their post was super interesting) mention how much warmer and inviting the scenes with syd are as opposed to the coolness and almost detachment the scenes with claire were. except we see carmy in cool lighting a lot more this season.

i also wanted to add where carmy gets overwhelmed in the finale, thoughts of claire coming in with a violin sting like a horror movie doesn’t add to the narrative that they keep telling us. that’s another thing i noticed. they tell us how great claire was even though their time together hindered him being involved with his passions and his coworkers, but they retcon things and add scenes of them happy and have carmy tell us how amazing she is but they barely cared to show us.

a huge theme in this show is family and responsibility. and the scene where neil fak said claire could be the one to take care of carmy and vice versa really rubbed me the wrong way. first of all, i think it kind of supports the idea of codependency which isn’t great but i could be reaching. second, carmy isn’t really equipped to take care of anyone and i think the way he interacts with his coworkers when he’s frustrated is proof of that.

don’t get me wrong, i thought this season was amazing television, christopher storer is a brilliant writer and director, joanna calo really should helm more episodes bc ice chips was actually a perfect episode, and ayo getting the opportunity to direct tina’s episode was so amazing and i really hope i see her name in more directorial projects in the near future. but i think we’re getting a little lost in the plot here and losing sight of what the heart of the show is. the literal restaurant. and logically some of the decisions made don’t exactly hold up and i would hate to see this show fumble.

it can’t be a coincidence that so much of the show’s marketing is tied to carmy and syd and i think efforts to trick the audience are actually making the show suffer. or the increasingly less subtle decisions in the editing in the few scenes of them together? are you really gonna gaslight a whole audience for the sake of a misdirect?

[rookflower]

"everyone in mapleshade's vengeance (minus the kits and whatever other exceptions whatever person making this point opts to include) is a bad person" is a take that does indeed work to establish that yes, this is a story piloted by every party with any agency acting out of cruelty and hurting others, and is also an attempt at gesturing towards nuance (or at least, thinking outside of black and white morality. it is in itself a kinda inherently un-nuanced take) within the idea of good vs evil in the story. however where i believe the issue with the phrase lies is in the assertion that the reason why these characters are enacting violence on each other is because of some unique inherent nastiness they were born with or that were predisposed into their character writing rather than addressing that their flaws (while still horrible) are specifically systemically driven.

before she kills ravenwing, mapleshade commits no crime that is worth the persecution she faces, and her mistakes are in fear of facing what she inevitably does. she does not obfuscate information about her childrens' parentage or take them into that river out of malice or uncaring, she does it because she lives in a society that will exile her children in a storm once it finds out that they are illegitimate, and see that she leaves. the birchface thing likely exacerbated her punishment, sure, but she still had no safety net. if it could happen under that circumstance it could happen under any, and that is the tragedy of it. (the bridge-she-couldve-crossed thing is clearly not something the authors remembered or considered so is kind of textually irrelevant)

likewise, frecklewish does not display some unique inherent xenophobia to herself that we don't also see across the timeline from dotc to present, that even characters the writers intend as sympathetic like crowfeather and gray wing will display. this doesn't whatsoever absolve her of culpability, cruelty is cruelty regardless of the source, but it isn't her that is the source of her own hatred, it is the clan system, and her own grief that is amplifying it. "frecklewish wasn't sent to the dark forest for the river thing, it was because she yelled at the kids" is a funny take because yeah to us the readers her violent outburst is clearly her "wrong", but in-universe i really don't think starclan would care LMAO.

now, as with a lot of things in warrior cats that are deeper than the text on page i''m not sure the erins are necessarily consciously Trying to write the clan system as an inherently cruel, violent, and bigoted system- they might very well be throwing in antagonistic characters with the intent that their prejudices and toxic patriotism just form naturally and randomly like mutuations- but as i've said before i do find an interesting parallel between the series' necessity to maintain its status quo and flow of conflict for sake of marketability and series continuation, and the fact that the world in-universe has a code with xenophobia baked into its laws and consistently writes conflicts about the cruelty of the warrior code without ever being able to take steps to major to address and remedy the flaws that lead to this conflict lest it Paint The Clans As The Bad Guys or force them to step too far away from their tried and true formula, so the cycle continues. i think that's the tragedy of mapleshade's vengeance to me- it's a story that occurs because of some pointless interclan war about rocks or whatever else and everything that occurs to mapleshade is done to her by cogs and/or perpatrators of this machine that values compliance and order and clan isolationism. she's a minorly selfish and oblivious person, she isn't born evil. the people that hurt her aren't conniving supervillains, they're just people with the capacity for cruelty given the motivation and the chance. and that's worse, in a way, because they come out on the right side of history and like a dozen generations later squirrelflight and leafpool are going to get put on a trial to go to hell for the same crime that got her exiled, because the system is fucked and the system hasn't changed.

[lustrexia]

im definitely interested in the Jude and Pablo drabble... please post it😫

tw: nsfw, size kink, hate sex, rivalry, rough oral sex, minors dni.

— “Size does matter” Jude Bellingham and Pablo Gavi

It’s probably not his fault. Not entirely, anyway, it’s just that it’s too obvious. Too noticeable.

Pablo, he means. Barcelona’s golden boy. The title didn’t mean too much to Jude, he already won that award last year, pretty easily so if his ego permitted him to admit. Madrid’s marketing did really go far long, didn’t it?

But that wasn’t really what made Jude feel bad, really. It’s Gavi’s height. And his body. And everything.

It became almost overwhelming to him when he noticed it; Pablo was really small. Hell, he could totally beat him up and the guy wouldn’t stand a chance, but that’s not what he really wants to do with him.

It’s almost funny, Jude notes. He’s so small, but so full of energy and will, it’s like his body was made of seventy percent determination and twenty percent water, albeit one or two percent of that had a little bit of poor emotional regulation.

Maybe that’s what made Gavi so endearing to half of the population. That he wore his heart on his sleeve, that he presented himself quite authentically, just as he was on the interior.

His chest too small for his big heart to fit into. It’s not saying much though, Jude snorts dryly, Gavi was really small. Wasn’t even like the guy was skinny or anything, the barcelonista stole the attention of his eyes plenty of times, his body was toned and his skin seemed just so soft.

But he wasn’t thin at all, even Pedri was way thinner than him.

Maybe he’s overthinking. Obsessed with the entire image of Pablo’s body even. He shouldn’t even be thinking about another man like that, he’s got a career and priorities that he has to take care of, like his younger brother throwing a little bit of a fit because of some girl. Or the fact that he just lost the European Championship to Spain.

He can’t. He can’t stop thinking about it. Because that’s all his male brain spits at him when he sees Pablo at the other side of the stadium, celebrating his win.

Smiling, like he ever did something to deserve that happiness.

He avoids Cole Palmer’s look when the blond straight up ignores his handshake. He’d talk about it later, when his own emotional block stops and he can start actually feeling anything other than ‘void’.

Jude walks just beside the trophy, that’s already decorated with Spain’s ugly colors, just tacky red and yellow. His steps feel heavy, even breathing is hard for him. He can sense his own lungs contracting and letting loose one again.

Losing takes the form of a bitter taste on his tongue. It’s ugly, it’s accompanied of despair and it’s everything he didn’t plan for.

It’s everything that Pablo Gavi isn’t feeling at that moment. He can almost taste the victory from the pretty boy’s mouth, and now he’s getting closer and closer. Jude feels in a trance, he can’t make something of whatever Pablo is saying at him, some bullshit about second place in Spanish, probably.

He doesn’t care. He never cared for what being a madridista meant for the blaugrana men. He’s English, he recognizes that he doesn’t feel the rivalry as his own, but he can empathize with the fear of losing, so there’s that.

And it’s so stupid, how Pablo looks at him triumphant, like this is such an important moment for him, like this means something. Like he’s Cristiano at forty with his career ending right now. He’s not. He’s a talented twenty something with lots of projection for the future. Gavi is a failure of La Masía, injured and barely walking like a normal person.

Jude is getting mad, mainly at himself for not hating the gorgeous boy that’s looking at him through his lashes, teasingly demeaning him with an adorable Spaniard accent. He should be disgusted, should push him to the green hard ground of the field.

He doesn’t. Jude looks at him in the eye, with curiosity, like he’s watching some scientific experiment with a really stupid rat lab, fixating on every move that Gavi makes.

“And you’re second! I can’t believe it! Joder, que te hemos ganado!” He says, his hazel eyes glowing in the artificial light of the stadium.

Jude feels drunk in a bad way, time is slowing down like he smoked something thirty minutes ago and Pablo’s monologue is getting slurred.

He can’t stand it. Not like this. Not with how easy he could grab Pablo’s arm and throw him around like he deserves to. Jude’s sanity is clearly disappearing, he can feel it sliding down his spine, pinching him. Gavi’s densely annoying rich boy accent doesn’t help him either.

It’s not his fault. Pablo is annoyingly pretty, and totally crushable, like some insect he can get rid off easily with the sole of his expensive sneakers. It’s childish, but the need is clearly there.

So he indulges into it, posing his big hand on the back of Pablo’s neck, pushing him to walk forcefully at his side, like they were friends; resembling a bond that was not there, just for the cameras.

He could see how Gavi tensed and changed his facial expression to something a little bit uncomfortable, his eyebrows were almost knitted to each other and his lips formed a nervous curved line.

And it was exactly as he thought so, Gavi was weaker than him, couldn’t fight or back off even he was in serious danger.

“M’sorry” Gavi said, “I was just teasing, it’s just banter, sorry”.

Fucking brat, Jude didn’t respond. He just continued to guide Gavi’s body towards the hallway of the stadium, searching for somewhere more private.

The cameras didn’t even flinch at them disappearing, the public was more focused on celebrating the win or just taking pics of the actual players on the pitch.

Jude scanned through the doors and stairs of the space, finding in some barren corner a door with the ‘storage’ sign in a foreign language. Fucking Germans and their weird wording.

He lowered his hand now that the cameras weren’t looking, placing his calloused fingers on Gavi’s waist. So tiny. Jude heard the other man’s breathing hitch almost whimper airily.

So this was affecting Pablo at the same intensity as it was affecting him. News flash. The insanity of this exclusive situation altered the cute midfielder too.

God, so maddening. He squeezes the curve of his waist, reminding him of how useless fighting back is going to be. Someone of his size couldn’t possibly get him off in a real struggle. Gavi whimpers, biting his lip.

“Whore” He whispers into Gavi’s ear, his hot air hitting him. “I’m going to break you in half”.

He’s almost sure Gavi is pretty entitled and possibly did refuse to learn English in the past, but he can see that he understood what Jude told him right there. His face, now totally bewildered, exploded in pretty pink colors. He was blushing.

They entered the storage room, it was small, closet-like, just enough space for the two of them to breathe in each other’s faces. He pushed Gavi’s body towards the cold surface of some shelf, looking down at him, noticing just how frail he really was.

It made him so hungry. Like he was king starved and now there was a big plate of his favorite meal in front of him, just waiting to be sexually cannibalized on. The air hung heavy on them, the realization of what they were really going to do was now crawling under their skins.

He pushed through it, through whatever this meant for Pablo. It wasn’t his place to care for it, he just had an itch he needed to scratch badly.

“Take your jersey off” he commanded to him, already pissed off at how red looked amazing on Gavi.

White would look more elegant. More classy.

Gavi did, he took off the garment, not breaking eye contact if possible. Venomous.

Jude aggressively took his own jersey off and grabbed Gavi’s neck with just one hand. His long fingers made a good collar for the barcelonista’s neck, pressing lightly. Pablo moaned, his eyes half closed, full of incomprehensible lust.

“Put it on, quickly”.

He released his grip on Pablo’s neck and threw the shirt at him, watched how Gavi’s pathetically small hands trembled while putting the piece of clothing on.

Holy shit.

“¿Qué?” Oh, maybe Jude said that out loud.

“Nothing,” Jude went back to his stoic look, “White looks good on you”.

Pablo’s look, full of empty hatred fueled his own lust. Culé at heart dressed in white. Humiliation must be burning in his stomach.

But Pablo was hard, the tent of his shorts showed him just that. Was he really into the whole being the bitch of a madrid player thing? That was a new low, it made Jude smile.

Gavi was just as pitiable as he thought. Could bark and try to bite as many times as he wanted to, that wouldn’t change the fact that he’s weak in physicality, biologically inferior.

“Get on your knees”.

Jude didn’t wait for Gavi to move, he shoved him down, using little force. Pablo’s little prince hairstyle was now messy, his curls running wild because of the new hot boiling temperature. He was sure Gavi could feel how warm his bulge felt, even when his face was pressed against it with shorts on.

He couldn’t possibly get harder, the view was amazing, Pablo’s face length matched the length of his clothed dick, that Gavi was caressing with his cheek.

“You’re so big, joder, qué pollón” Gavi whispered, and for some reason, Jude thought that would probably be the dirtiest thing that someone could ever be able to say in Spanish.

Goosebumps ran all through his pelvis, electricity burning high. Not wanting to wait any longer, he pulled down his shorts and boxers, his cock jumping back lewdly to his stomach hung heavy.

It’d be impossible for Pablo to take it all in. It was probably like nine inches. Almost as long as his face. He compared the size of his cock to Gavi, pleasantly surprised about how pliant the man was being with someone who was spreading pre cum on his nose and cheek.

“Yeah, fuck that’s it, lick it. That’s what you want, right? Some good dick to keep you calm” He groaned, rubbing the fat tip of his cock into Gavi’s mouth.

Pablo gave his dick kitten licks, almost scared of the girth. It was so thick, Pablo would have to open his mouth completely to take it in.

Jude was not a patient man with people he hooked up with. He opened the other’s lips with his middle finger, forcing him to suck on the metaphorically offensive digit. Once he got tired of the sight of Gavi’s little mouth struggling, he lined up his cock with his mouth, grabbing Pablo by the back of his head.

There was no running back now.

Not when Pablo had his shirt on, looking absolutely oversized on him, with a hard on between his legs just by the proposition of sucking some madridista off in a storage closet.

Slut.

“Wait, no, it’s not going to fi-” Gavi choked on his cock, closed his eyes and tried to get Jude to back off.

He couldn’t. Bellingham was already fucking his mouth now.

Pablo’s mouth was hot and wet, his tongue laid flat at the bottom, just taking that dick like he could. His lips were made thicker rounding the thick girth of him, stretching his jaw painfully.

Jude sighed blissfully, the tight feeling felt amazing for him, like he was consumed by a pool of wet heat. Inch by inch, he pushed his cock inside, deeper and deeper, totally fixated on how overwhelmed Pablo appeared below him.

Where he belonged.

Pablo’s little hands rested on his thighs, trying to push him back. Didn’t work, he was already swinging his hips back and forward, chasing the high of Gavi’s mouth.

Gavi was gagging, making choked sounds every second, and his eyes were crossing towards his the bridge of his nose, disassociating a little.

Was he passing out? Jude could not care less. Maybe he’d use his mouth better that way. He looked dumb and out of it regardless.

But now that Gavi’s characteristically present strength was just shining by its absence, Bellingham could force him to deep throat, feeling his nose brush against his lower stomach, making it even harder for him to breathe.

Jude fucked his mouth roughly then, not pulling more than one inch out of his mouth, content on how Gavi’s uvula grazed his cock. The back of his throat felt amazing.

Gavi was struggling, trying to pull back, but Jude didn’t let him, cupping the back of his head forward with his arm.

“Take it, shit, don’t fucking pull back, yes, that’s it, good boy” He praised when Pablo stopped moving his head back.

Tears were forming in Pablo’s eyes. But he didn’t look sad, his honeyed eyes were full of lust, apparently he did have a thing for praise.

Something hot boiled inside of Jude exponentially, growing more and more, tensing the elastic until it was just about to snap.

He was so close. Gavi was now looking up at him, wet lashes, face dirty with pre cum and drool, tears too.

Every time Pablo moaned the vibrations went to his dick, stimulating him more and more. He wasn’t fighting anymore, his arms, like some sex doll, went down, letting Jude do whatever he wanted with his mouth.

Jude let out a grunt, rapidly increasing the rhythm of his hips moving, just abusing Gavi’s mouth. Pablo’s gagging sounds echoed on the walls, lewd symphony that Jude loved.

Loved how this was the right sequence of events that should happen. This was what he needed. To remind Pablo what he was really useful for, instead of some stupid tournament where he didn’t even play.

So, so close, he could almost taste the glory that was robbed out of him before on the pitch.

Jude Bellingham felt his orgasm all through his body and right out of his dick, felt how the cum spilled out of him in the most intense way that he ever experienced. The elastic band snapping inside of him, leaving his legs feeling like jelly.

He rode his climax with his cock bottomed out in Gavi’s mouth, his cum spilling right inside of his throat.

He quickly pulled out of Pablo, letting him finally breathe. The blaugrana player coughed roughly, almost throwing up all of the cum that he had inside of his stomach now, hands resting on the ground, not looking at him. Still coughing, tears came out of his eyes, Gavi was crying.

“Thank you, thank you, mnh” Pablo tried to say, his voice was completely destroyed and he was still almost about to vomit. He didn’t, he swallowed most of Jude’s cum back.

Pablo was a mess, his face full of fluids, puffy eyes and a fucked out expression, he was totally out of it.

Jude pulled his pants back up, grabbed a pen that was on the shelf and wrote his phone number on Gavi’s arm.

He took Pablo’s Spain jersey, put it on, and left him, to be found in that state.

(…)

A/N — Hi! I hope you liked this! I usually don’t write a lot in English because I don’t feel confident enough so I’m really hoping that this felt natural! If you have any feedback please let me know <3

[plazsma]

hey i work at [unspecified plastic building object] land and here are some ninjago statistics i’ve collected from actual children who watch the show in present day from the past few weeks:

“who’s your favourite ninja?”- 95% of the time it’s lloyd. any other time its jay. one time it was nya, another time it was kai. the children do not yearn for glacier.

2. there is a sculpture of nya in ninjago the ride queue that always generates a conversation. however, this sculpture is based off season 5 nya with short hair and her reddish blue gi. the most shocking thing to me… KIDS DONT RECOGNISE HER. i’ve overheard so many “who’s that?” followed by “i don’t know”s and it’s actually whiplash. why are we old

3. a lot of young girls like ninjago! this is really awesome actually because i remember being a little kid and being one of the only girls in my class at the time who liked it and it was heavily marketed as a “boys toy” so it’s nice to see that they are making ninjago for everyone . . . because it is. like everyone can enjoy these little ninja people

4. the ninjago is still IN. i actually before i started working here was worrying ninjago was falling off and the newer generations wouldn’t really care about it but u guys the children DO still yearn for ninjas and it’s very clear. which was a pleasant surprise :3 it’s truly becoming a generational thing as silly as that sounds

i can’t make these into a whole bullet point, but here is some assorted other stuff that i find funny:

kids actually just wear the ninjago pyjamas to the park like as clothes like straight up

the fang blades, jade blades and nya’s sword pack (which btw what even is that she does not use dual swords) fly off the shelves and i truly wonder why because these kids weren’t even around circa tournament of elements era. perhaps they just like throwing swords around

sometimes they dress up in ninja clothes and i always compliment their outfit and show off my keychain (luckily i had a lloyd one on me one day when a kid was dressed as him) and kids LIGHT UP when they know i know what i’m talking about. it’s one of the best parts of my day actually

tune in next time for more [unnamed colourful building toy] land stories everyone

[supercorpkid]

Yours Truly, Pink Kryptonite

Supergirl. Kara Danvers x Reader!, Alex Danvers, Lena Luthor

Word Count: 3003.

"As you can see here, we'll start this presentation with an overview of the current business –" You look out the window to see Supergirl staring at you and waving excitedly. "landscape, and, um, the importance of embracing innovation." 

You look around, making sure no one is paying attention to the Kryptonian calling out for you from the other side of the window. What the hell could she possibly want right in the middle of your most important work presentation ever?

You obviously know Kara does a lot of things, but working 9 to 5 isn't one of them. She runs off from CatCo whenever she wants or has an emergency.

Emergency! God, there must be an emergency!

Your mouth dries, and your eyes widen. "Or, you know, everyone knows this." You look at your boss, furrowing his brows at you. "We know our company and where we stand. So instead of wasting our time with the introduction, why don't we just skip to –" You press the control skipping through basically half of your presentation. "the expansion to new markets. And who better to talk about that than my team! I'll leave it to you guys, and will answer to this very important call from our program developer. We know he hates to wait. I'm sorry. I have to –" 

You slip out of the conference room, heart on your throat, completely unaware of what you just said in there.

Supergirl meets you at the balcony of your office with a wide smile. "Kara!" You close the door behind you, looking around you to make sure no one is paying attention or seeing the both of you through glassy walls. "What's the emergency?"

Kara tilts her head to the sides, like a confused puppy. "Emergency?"

You touch her arms, looking for something that could explain why she is here in the middle of the day. "Yes! I mean, isn't there an emergency?"

"Not that I'm aware of." She smiles widely.

It's your turn to master your most confused face. "Then why are you here?"

"Oh!" Kara lets go of your arm, and puts a lock of your hair behind your ear. "I came to ask you out."

"What?"

"On a date! Tonight!" You're still looking at her like you haven't got the faintest idea of what's going on. "Maybe lunch?" She tries to get a different reaction. "Now?"

You look around. This must be a prank. Is someone filming this? Is today April Fools? Surely not. 

"You're not saying no." Her smile brightens up, like this is the most amazing thing that's ever happened. "So that means I can fly the hottest woman out of here right now?"

"What?" You repeat, yet again, baffled by everything that is happening. "You can't. I — I'm working."

"And you sounded so smart in that board meeting, baby." 

"Baby?" You whisper to yourself, more confused now than before. If that's even possible.

"But work is boring," Kara strokes your cheek lightly. "and you're honestly so pretty that I'm sure you'd never have to work if you wanted. Oh! You know what, we should do that!"

"Never work again?" You ask and she agrees enthusiastically. "It's not like you do anyways." You try a little joke and Kara laughs like you just said the funniest thing in the universe.

She composes herself, after a loud snort. "Ok. So you're smart, and pretty, and hot and funny. Golly, how did I get so lucky to get you to go on a date with little old me?"

You open your mouth a couple of times, but keep your comments to yourself. She is literally Supergirl; You never said yes to any date; and WHAT THE HELL! Are some of the things you refrain from saying.

"Kara, I have to go back to work. This presentation is really important." You point to the door and she agrees, once again, vividly with her head. 

"Ok, ok. But lunch?"

"I can't. I have a meeting with the developer." She pouts like a child, and you can't say no to her. Not when she looks so adorable. You breathe deep. "Dinner."

Kara bites her lower lip, holding back a huge smile. "Dinner is perfect. I'll organize everything, and you just have to go and be pretty, which is basically what you do all day anyways."

You furrow your brows one more time and agree with a nod. You make your way to the door, and make a mental note to call Alex and ask her what the hell! 

"Hey baby," You look over your shoulders and back at her one more time. "Your butt looks awesome in this outfit." 

"Thanks?" While your face burns red in embarrassment. 

You spend the rest of the day trying to concentrate on your work, but you can't really because you need to understand what happened between you and Kara this morning.

Sure, you two are used to a little bit of flirting. Subtle and awfully vague. Just little jokes that usually makes Kara completely uncomfortable, and makes her blush in no time. And now, just out of fucking nowhere, she is calling you baby and asking you out on dates?

You: hey! Kara's a bit off today. Something happened? Alex 🌈: oh, yeah. Pink Kryptonite. Why? You: great! One more! What does this one do? Alex 🌈: not sure. Just discovered it. Send me a list of symptoms.

A list of symptoms. Ok. You can do this. 1. She looked extremely happy. But that's not a symptom. 2. She had the courage to ask you out. Could that be a symptom? No. Surely not. Asking people out is not a symptom of being exposed to kryptonite. 3. She called you baby. Yeah, you don't have a list.

You: IDK, just weird. We'll meet up later and I'll try to investigate further. Alex 🌈: great! Will do the same from here.

Not good enough. You look down on your phone one more time. Change conversations.

You: hey! did you happen to see Kara today? Lena the witch: Yeah… You: everything alright? Lena the witch: If by alright you mean weird, then sure.  You: weird how? Lena the witch: She spent the entire duration of our lunch saying you butt looked great today. You: got it ✨super weird✨. Lena the witch: What's up with that? You: unsure. will let you know as soon as I figure it out.

You get ready for your date. It feels weird thinking about it. You've been kinda flirting kinda joking with Kara for a long while. You never thought this was going anywhere. It's not like you didn't want it to happen, but Kara Danvers is not gay. Which is unfortunate for you.

Except today she was the gayest of the gays. Queen of the lesbians. So you can't help but look in the mirror one more time, before saying out loud this time, "What the hell!"

Of course you like the idea of you and Kara going on a date, but it feels hard to enjoy this when it is so sudden and out of the blue. Just yesterday when you were leaving the Tower late at night and said goodbye with a simple, 'see you later handsome', Kara blushed so hard, she lost all her words and stumbled on her own two feet on the way out the elevator. How was she so smooth this morning?

You open the door, after the doorbell rings once. Kara is on the other side, the brightest smile on her face and flowers on her hands. "Hey baby."

You blush furiously. Can't keep your body in check, no matter how much you want to not enjoy this moment before you find out exactly what's going on with Kara.

"You look incredible. You always look incredible." She makes sure, a thumb sliding on your cheek delicately. And it's only the second time she's done this, and you're already addicted to it. "Oh, I brought your favorite flowers."

You look at it, bite your lower lip and hold your breath. She looks beautiful. Like an angel in front of you. Blonde waves cascading down her shoulders, blue eyes as bright as the day sky, smile as wide and white as possible, and she is here holding your favorite flowers. How the hell are you going to resist her?

"Thanks, baby.” God, no! What are you doing? No flirting! 

You turn around, putting the flowers on a vase, and trying to keep your hands and yourself busy so you don't jump on her and kiss her senseless. "Hey, what does Pink Kryptonite do?"

"Um, Pink Kryptonite?" Kara plays coy and you don't even have to look behind yourself to know she is smoothing her hand over her vest, right after touching her glasses. "Where did you see that?"

"Well, baby," You turn around to face her. "it seems that you've been exposed to it." Kara's mouth drops, not knowing what to say. You close the distance. "And believe me, I'm loving what's happening here, but I need to know if this is you or the kryptonite talking. So, what does it do?"

"It turns Kryptonians alittlegay." She mumbles under her breath, and it is only with much effort from your part that you understand it.

Your face drops. "Right." 

It's not like you're shocked about her revelation, she was acting like the lesbian jesus right after being exposed to a hot new type of kryptonite (why so many?). You breathe out, looking at the flowers and trying to ignore your selfish heart and desire to just go along with it.

"You should go."

"What?" Kara's eyes get full of tears. "But, the dinner."

"You're not in love with a woman, Kara. The effects of the kryptonite will fade and you'll regret this whole thing. So before we do something that can ruin our friendship, you should go." 

A tear falls from her eye, and she bites her lower lip to keep herself from crying out loud. Your heart is squeezing in your chest and you're having to summon all of your strength to keep going with this and not just simply kiss her better. 

"But that's not it." She tries, sounding small and in pain.

"Kara, it's ok." It's your turn to stroke her cheek lovingly and carefully, wiping the single tear away. "It was fun, but it isn't you. And for this to happen, I need to be you. Ok?" You're explaining yourself with caution, almost as if you're talking to a child. She agrees with her head, slowly, looking small in her tall body. "Don't worry. It will wear off soon, and you'll be yourself again. And you’ll be glad this didn’t happen." You kiss her cheek and give her a wistful smile.

Kara makes her way out of your apartment, crestfallen and so disheartened you almost feel bad. You take a deep breath. She'll be fine. She'll thank you for this when she wakes up free of the Pink Kryptonite.

Gee, a kryptonite that turns them gay. What the hell was going on in Krypton? But also, you wish you were there. The parties must have been wild.

You turn around in your bed, the flowers that Kara brought keep haunting you, because you decided to put them right next to your bed. You sit up, rubbing your face awake. Why the hell did you kick Kara out the door? It could've happened! It could finally have happened! Why didn't you take advantage of it?

Oh yeah. Yours truly, Pink Kryptonite. Ugh. She didn't really want you, she was just gay for a day. You roll your eyes to yourself. Now you'll just have to live with the awkwardness and the desire while you're around her. Great.

You hear a light tap on the glass and you let out a shit-scare scream, only to see Supergirl flying on the other side of your window. You hear a soft, "sorry." when she realizes how shaken you got.

You open the window to find a glowing Supergirl, and it doesn't take much deducing to understand she's been under the yellow sun bed for a while.

"I flew as close as I could to the sun." She explains, still on the other side, but it's quick to make her way inside. "The yellow sun emulators are alright, but there's nothing better than the real thing."

"Yeah." It's all you can say.

"I wanted to get rid of the Pink Kryptonite as fast as possible." Kara explains it further, and finally puts her glass back so she can change back into her normal clothes. "I was going to wait until tomorrow, but I heard you were still up. I wanted to apologize."

"Whoa, I knew you'd regret it, but God that was fast. Must be some kind of new record for me." You sit back on your bed with a loud sigh.

"No, no." Kara is quick to follow you, kneeling in front of you and holding your hand. "I wanted to apologize for waiting for the kryptonite to finally show me what my life could've been like if I had a little bit of courage."

"Kara, you are the epitome of courage."

"No, I'm not. I've been wanting to ask you out for months and haven't got the courage." She confesses. "Do you know how many times I almost called you baby these past few weeks?"

"You said Pink Kryptonite turns Kryptonian gays." She shakes her head agreeing. "For you to be turned into something, you can't already be that something."

"It turned me extra gay." 

You bite your lip to hold back a laugh, but she's not scared of showing you her wide smile. "Let me show you."

"Show me what?" 

Kara perches up, thumb sliding across your cheek until her hand cups your face. "Let me show you that it wasn't the Pink Kryptonite that turned me gay." She brings your face closer. "Let me show you how you were the one that did it."

"Are you sure this isn't the Pink Kryptonite talking?"

"I'll tell you what," Her breath is hot in your mouth, and you're holding your own breath in anticipation. "why don't we go to sleep and when we wake up you can ask me again?"

"Ok." But your resolution is weakening by the minute, especially after she spoons you in bed and places a little goodnight kiss on your neck.

You wake up with more flowers and breakfast in bed. Kara has a warm smile, and she looks so damn beautiful just fresh out of bed it's annoying.

"Good morning, baby." She holds your face between her hands, thumb caressing your cheek in the way that makes your heart flutter. She’s obviously able to hear it.

You swallow deep. "Is this you or the Pink Kryptonite?"

"Why don't you ask me again after work?" Kara says feeding you a strawberry, and you agree weakly with your head.

She shows up at lunch time, and holds your smelly tuna sandwich out of your reach, convincing you that you deserve better food. She has it all set out on your balcony, a whole picnic that makes all of your colleagues so jealous of your lunch date. Little do they know she actually flew to Italy for that pasta.

And it's another thumb stroke and another, "Is this the Pink Kryptonite?" question that makes her head tilt a little bit farther and she reaches the corner of your mouth, instead of your lips.

"Ask me again at our dinner tonight."”

After work pick-ups and holding hands and perhaps it's Pink Kryptonite. Flowers and dinner dates and maybe it's just the exposure. Movie nights and cuddles and what if it is still turning you gay. Slow dancing to the TV light and thumbs slowly stroking your cheeks and why don't you ask again tomorrow. And that goes on for weeks.

Alex texts you that Kara was exposed to real Kryptonite this time. You know, not the one that turns her into the queen of gays, but the one that turns her bones into flaming hot goo. You run to the Tower and watch her unawake under the yellow sunlight. 

"Hey, it's ok." Alex holds your shoulder while you cry. "She'll be fine. A few hours under the sun and she's good as new."

"What?"

"Yeah, the effects of the kryptonite aren't lasting. It wears off if we deal with it fast."

"With all of the different types?" You furrow your brows at her and Alex agrees with her head.

Well, haven't you been wasting precious time?

You run into the medbay, and sit beside her bed. Like clockwork, a couple hours later, Kara's eyes open and she looks at you on the other side. "Hey baby."

"Oh my God, baby!" You run to her, not caring about anyone on the other side of the glass that might be able to see you both. You throw yourself at her, kissing her entire face. "You scared me."

She smiles widely. "And would do it again to have you kissing my face like that."

You hold her face between your hands, and slide your thumb across her cheek. "Don't you dare." She smiles, but soon her eyes widen when she realizes what's coming next. You meet her lips with yours softly. But soon she deepens the kiss, and next thing you know she's pulling you up the bed while sitting herself up. You’re full on sitting on her lap, while your lips crash and tongues slide and hands explore visible skin. And honestly, the yellow sunlight doesn’t help when you’re body already feels like it is on fire. 

Kara parts the kiss for some air, and looks at you with full-blown pupils. "Is this you or Pink Kryptonite?"

You roll your eyes and give her a chuckle. "Shut up and kiss me again before I think the Green Kryptonite is also turning you gay."

Kara’s tongue is almost inside your mouth again when you hear a yell from the other side of the glass.

"NO! Absolutely not! We can see everything!” Kara is quick to move her hands out of your butt. “That was more than enough!" 

Alex's face is red from yelling, Lena's face is red from embarrassment, and Nia's cellphone case is red from all the pictures she's been taking.

"Keep going! I'm gonna turn these into GIFs!"

You and Kara look at each other, "We should go." "Yeah."

So Kara was right, it wasn't the exposure that turned her gay. Still you do appreciate yours truly, Pink Kryptonite, because at least it gave her courage to be her true gay self.

[legallybrunettedotcom]

idk if you've already talked about brat but i'd love to know your opinion on the album (if you've listened to it)

hi, jade! i have listened to it, quite a lot now. i have a lot of conflicting, incoherent thoughts. so when it dropped, i thought well, that was okay. fun pop, dance music. then i go online, i open youtube and suddenly see there's a bunch of videos, essays, reviews etc. about the album all with the title or thumbnail saying "revolutionary", "changed the music" etc etc. and i'm like am i going insane? does this album deserve this much attention and discourse? it's quite difficult to escape the album if you're online a lot, so some of those songs just nestled inside my ear. decided to give it a few more listens and it definitely grew on me. like maybe i do want to be going crazy to this in a club. it's obvious sophie's spirit is still somewhat present here, two of them collaborating on vroom vroom ep did change the pop music and we've seen this shift towards something more experimental and avant garde in pop. i think charli's always been a bit too mainstream for indie, and too indie for the mainstream. brat is unique, but also still very much charli. i think what she did expertly is crack the marketing strategy. we know music alone isn't enough anymore, you need a whole "aesthetic", you need to build your own world and lore. y2k, party girl persona but make it vulnerable. the specific shade of green on the cover is now associated with this album and everything that comes with it. "oh, green eye-shadow, that's so brat of you." how long that reference will last, we're yet to see. we're still very much in the whirlwind of brat summer after all. using lowercase as song/album titles has been quite popular for a few years now and ig it's this attempt at casualness, yk carefully curated carelessness, but it also reminds me of those lyric videos i used to watch when i was 12. when the remix with lorde dropped, ngl, i did tear up a bit, but i also can't help but be a bit cynical, like this too is marketing. the music video for 360, i didn't enjoy the song that much, 365 is better but also i understand you can't have one without the other, but the music video specifically sums up the entirety of brat imo. the criticisms i've seen of it are all on point, like "myopic, self-referential for ppl who live in 4 neighbourhoods in nyc/la, reminder that you're not on the list" all of that is correct, but on the other hand, it's pastiche, you have these internet famous women congregating in an ugly restaurant deciding who will be the next it girl and choosing a random waitress, a reminder that everyone can be a hottie, the it girl, the cool girl whatever. ok, that's cute, but like... i'm still not on the list. it's difficult for me to believe you aren't enjoying your fame and pedestal status, but i think she's also aware how easily you can be replaced as soon as the public gets bored. i also felt a bit insane when people started analyzing the lyrics, like specifically the song apple and being flabbergasted that it's about family and familial trauma, because the apple has been such a widely used metaphor for family since the 19th century. it felt like she was receiving the taylor swift treatment, which is funny considering that one song, yk acting like this has never been done before. of course it hits if you don't read and you don't listen to a lot of different music. in general my problem with a lot of discussions surrounding musical artists nowadays is how a lot of people seemingly have no understanding that music wasn't invented a mere 10 years ago. i'm ranting, and i'm saying a whole lotta nothing, but all in all, i do ultimately enjoy the album, like it's obviously fun and silly, and sexy and i love dancing to it. it will probably end up on my favourite albums of 2024 list, but i just don't see it as revolutionary. i could say "oh that's mother" and "those that get it, get it and those that don't, don't", but i feel like that kills any meaningful conversation and the art of criticism, which is not something i'm good at, but it's not just about "consuming" art, we have to discuss it too.

[fallenalienz]

if you removed alicent from season 2 the story would remain entirely unchanged, that's how relevant she is at this point. they built season 1 around this friendship/rivalry she had with rhaenyra and that was fine for one season but the story has long progressed past that and the writers are refusing to let this go, to the detriment of the show. they're prioritizing marketing and wasting time on a character that canonically does nothing relevant moving forward at the expense of establishing and developing characters who are actually important and whose actions and decisions do affect the story.

i've seen those leaks for the finale lol, they truly turned her into the dumbest character on the show but in a way that's just incomprehensible and has no internal logic at all (i mean, selling out her whole family, even her brother and youngest son???). it's never been a secret that they've been trying to frame this story through the lens of simplistic real life present day gender politics but it's funny how in their obvious efforts they're unintentionally actually validating aemond removing her from council and making the case that she probably should've stayed in the kitchen. if someone wanted to be charitable they could interpret her actions as being so drunk on power that the moment she's stripped of that power she loses her wits and wants to harm the people who took it away from her so badly she becomes completely irrational, but that's obviously not what the intent here was.

[danganronpa-headcanons-imagines]

Danganronpa Love Languages (DR1)

[ DR THH | SDR2 | DR V3 ]

Makoto Naegi - Gift Giving

Makoto kinda struggles with self confidence in relationships. He's always seen himself as plain and unremarkable so he often ponders what he really offers in your relationship. He's just kinda your basic boyfriend type in his eyes. On the other hand, you are so gorgeous and funny and talented and etc etc etc. Doing regular romantic gestures is great to him of course, and he does them all the time. But Makoto loves to specifically get you gifts that fit you perfectly. No matter the occassion he is always ready with a gift that will absolutely blow your mind. It's odd, it's almost like he has a chart of everything you like and dislike. Either way you are super grateful everytime and he earns a passionate kiss

Aoi Asahina - Quality Time

Aoi is a love bug and doesn't hesitate to show that. It doesn't matter if you guys are in public or not she is gonna fawn over you. Your hand will basically never be empty when you're together. The thing she looks forward to everyday is spending time with you doing anything and everything together. Donut dates, beach visits, rock climbing, watching movies, it's all great. She especially adores swimming with you! It's already her favorite activity, adding you into the mix is just the cherry on top. At the start Aoi loves to get competitive and hyperactive, racing and playing games. But near the end she loves to just float next to you calmly

Byakuya Togami - Gift Giving

Bruh we know Byakuya is a hardass, and unfortunately that doesn't change in a relationship. He'll still be hard on you and kind of a prick, but to be honest you signed up for this. Despite how combative he can be, sometimes he'll drop his barriers and get more gentle and kinder with you. Starting to compliment and talk more affectionately, holding hands, stuff like that. PDA is still up for debate between you two, but on dates he's more open to it. One thing that does stay consistant no matter his mood is him getting you stuff. Byakuya has got the money, and likes to flaunt it. But he doesn't spend his money on just anyone, you have been deemed worthy of both his love and fortune. Half of the time it's just basic expensive things like jewelry and cars. But the other half is actually really well thought out presents that shock you at how much they fit you. Occasionally you'll even recognize an item you talked about months ago

Celestia Ludenberg - Gift Giving

This woman loves and dreams of living the good life, and for her partner she feels the same. In her eyes you deserve just as good of a life and the honor of ruling with her. Being a world class gambler, Celestia is not a stranger to gaining money and prized possessions. A lot of the money she wins from the betting tables she uses on your relationship. She likes to buy you the highest quality items on the market and take you on extravagent dates to wineries and restaurants. Nothing but the best milk tea and cakes for you. When it comes to betting items and possessions, Celestia gets more strategic. If nothing being offered interests her personally, she thinks about what would interest you instead and aims to win that. It's usually not things you've specifically asked for, but she knows you too well. So in the end you love them and get a lot of use out of them, so win win! Just make sure to give her nice gifts in return

Chihiro Fujisaki - Acts of Service

Chihiro is a ball of anxiety and no self esteem. He has a lot of identity issues and feels bad making you deal with that. He never intends to make it your problem but it gets hard dealing with a lot of troubles alone. Everytime you sit and listen to his problems he is so eternally grateful. In return he knows he can confidently help you with technology in any way you need. Chihiro can fix your tech, help you code, make new programs/apps to help you with certain tasks, whatever you desire. Even if it's something insignificant like a way to keep track of your screen time across devices, he'll find a way to make it easy. You should never feel embarrassed asking him for help, he is always happy to do so. Sometimes when you boot up your computer you'll even see Chihiro added something cute to your desktop like pixel chibis of you two holding hands, or just a sweet message

Hifumi Yamada - Words of Affirmation

Hifumi is odd with relationships. Being used to 2D girls he isn't familiar with real life interactions and romance. There aren't dialogue options and dating requirements in reality. So with you it was definitely foreign. You honestly had to teach him how to be... well, normal is an accurate word. Once he managed to become a bit more sane and grounded, Hifumi is actually capable of having engaging conversations with you. Debating about your favorite anime and manga is a favorite of his (he can get suuuuper heated). He also is just more open with his affection. He will constantly compliment you in his own unique way, and compare you to a lot of his 2D crushes. Sometimes he'll just straight up worship you for a day. Just roll with it and realise this is how he expresses his love

Junko Enoshima - Quality Time

Let's be real, no one thought Junko would ever love anything other than despair. She thought so too! But something about you was... different. You intrigued her in multiple ways, you weren't dull like Mukuro or wishywashy like Mikan. You were independent and intentionally toed the line of Hope and Despair, making Junko want to desperately drag you under. Now it couldn't really be classified as "Love" in a traditional sense. It was less of a romantic relationship and more of a ruler and concubine. She more enjoyed playing with you. But despite this she holds you in higher regard than anyone else, even more than her sister or Monaca. She likes to keep you by her (even resorting to chaining you up if needed). Junko is gonna bring Despair to the entire world, with you by her side

Kiyotaka Ishimaru - Words of Affirmation

Get ready, your ego is gonna go through the roof after dating this man. Kiyotaka absolutely adores you and shows it constantly. You aren't immune to his scolding and speeches, but that doesn't mean he isn't overwhelmingly positive. Whenever you do anything successfully like cooking eggs or making a basket, you can expect him loudly clapping and applauding you happily. Even if you don't do a good or job or straight up fail, he'll still be there reassuring you. He's just so proud of you! Having the motivation and drive to pursue what you want in life is inspiring to him and deserves praise in his eyes. Kiyo also has the unfortunate habit of bragging about you in public and putting you on the spot. If someone mentions a skill you're good at, you will instantly be volunteered to show how it's done (he means well, it's just the 'tism)

Kyoko Kirigiri - Words of Affirmation

Kyoko is a woman of little romantic words. Even in your relationship she doesn't say much, and can be quite distant as well, not being used to romantic gestures. Hell, it took awhile for her to fully process what was going on when you gave her flowers the first time. But as your relationship proceeded she softened up and became more open as well. Her words were still quite serious and pointed, often being longer monologues. But she isn't afraid to be vulnerable and tell you how she genuinely feels. When she is feeling especially affectionate, she likes to hold your hands, look you in the eyes, and say how much she deeply loves you. It isn't her intention, but everytime you turn into a blushing mess, making her let out a rare chuckle

Leon Kuwata - Physical Touch

Give him hugs please. Leon just adores holding you and kissing you, especially if you are shorter than him. Leaning over to kiss you on the forehead is always a treat. But don't you worry if you tower over him, this man will climb you like a tree to get some lovin'. In a less joking way, he genuinely just feels super comfortable with you. His days can be pretty rough with his temper towards certain people and his Ultimate identity problem, but the moment you wrap your arms around him, all his problems melt away. No more anger or frustration, just bliss and relaxation and lust. Yeah... wholesome cuddling is great, but you know what's better for this baseball star? Saucy touches and flirting! Always expect some cheeky squeezes when you're around Leon

Mondo Owada - Words of Affirmation

Being a manly manly man who has been taught to represent masculinity, Mondo is veeeeery inexperienced with relationships and can be a bit insensitive. But let's get this straight, he is NOT misogynistic/homophobic/transphobic in the slightest, Mondo don't roll like that. He don't give a shit what you are, he's gonna suck at romance anyways lol. He knows he can come off as very aggressive and sometimes loses his cool, and feels bad whenever he scares you. To make up for it, he likes to take time to lower his voice and talk to you softly. He'll explain his emotions and assure you it isn't your fault at all. He's just got a lot going on. In public he is much more hesitant to show affection due to his hardcore image. But when you guys are alone together he really softens up and becomes super mushy. I'm talking stupid pet names and saying how much he loves you

Mukuro Ikusaba - Acts of Service

Through and through, Mukuro is made to please. Both her military training and relationship with her sister has conditioned her into being accustomed to serving those she cares about. With you it's no different, no matter what is it you desire she will do without hesitation. She would even kill for you (this is not a joke, do not joke about this with her, there will be blood shed). It often gets to the point that you have to sit her down and have a serious conversation. It's hard for Mukuro to understand, she just loves you so much and wants you happy. Seeing you frown is so painful. If you manage to get through to her she will calm down a bit, but will still be at your beck and call

Sakura Ogami - Acts of Service

Sakura naturally is very protective of her loved ones, and once you started dating it became even more apparent. She is always around to protect you from any danger, even scaring off a bear once while you were on a walk. You'll never face any harm with her around. She also packs extra things for you in your bag. Extra water bottles, hand towels, tissues, etc. You never know when you'll need it, it's great to be prepared! Sakura is also decent at cooking but knows she isn't the best in the world. She mainly knows how to cook protein rich dishes and power foods, so she tends to cook on days you guys go to the gym. As a little bonus she always makes extra protein shakes for you in the morning, to keep you nice and strong and healthy

Sayaka Maizono - Quality Time

Being an idol is hard work. Long hours, stressful events, crazy fans, and the worst is the constant days away from her loved ones. It's already bad with family and friends, but with you it hurts even more. Especially if you have been dating for awhile it can get agonizing to be away for months at a time. Whenever she has time when she isn't performing or going on tour, she likes to spend as much of it with you as possible. Sayaka likes to go on walks with you and just talk for hours. She loves the sound of your voice! Hell it's also so much fun teaching you her choreo (if you can't dance she WILL laugh). But when she is gone for a long time, she makes up for the physical absence by doing video calls with you. Sayaka makes it a routine to call you and ask about your day, making sure you spare no details

Toko Fukawa - Quality Time

Dear lord give her time. Years of bullying and just traumatic issues has worn her down in many ways, and due to this she is not good at romance. Combative, accusatory, paranoid, it's an ordeal dating Toko. Throughout the first few months she is gonna be on full guard and you're gonna need a chisel. After giving it sometime, she will be opened up way more. There will be more genuine smiles and moments with her, hell she'll even be able to handle cuddling with you without having a full blown panic attack (she'll still be hyperventilating at the end tho). It's all new to her and can be hit or miss depending on her attitude, but she really likes just spending time with you in some capacity. If Toko's in a good mood watching a movie or going on a dinner date is ideal. But if she is NOT feeling it, you can expect a more simple interaction with her mainly just in the same room as you. Her go to is reading while sitting next to you. It's simple and not nerve-wracking

Genocider Syo - Physical Touch

Unlike her other half Toko, Genocider is waaaaaaay more bold and kinky. I ain't gonna sugarcoat it, she is gonna ravage you whenever possible. It doesn't matter your gender or body type, she is READY at all times. Constant public groping and french kissing galore, don't even get me started on what you do in private. Stares from others doesn't faze her, honestly she tends to threaten anyone who shows judgement. Oh and by the way, if you let her cut you a bit during intimate times? You are officially her one and only. It's much rarer to get her feeling more mushy and soft, but she can manage to do the occasional romantic gesture (this mainly boils down to buying you weapons or offering to kill your enemies, but hey it's the thought that counts)

Yasuhiro Hagakure - Physical Touch

Bruh this man needs you for comfort. He's already pretty paranoid so it isn't like it's a surprise. Being surrounded by so many drastic personalties throws him off, and that's not even taking into account his fortune telling abilities (no matter how hit or miss they are). So when he sees you, you can expect him to either collapse into your arms or instantly envelope you in a deep hug. Something about your presence just calms his mind. So get used to casual PDA, Yasuhiro isn't afraid to openly hold your hand or kiss you in front of others. To be completely honest he's shocked he bagged a 10 like you! It doesn't help that most don't believe him when he talks about your relationship. So anytime he can prove to the world you're HIS partner, he's gonna show off

----------

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[literary-illuminati]

2024 Book Review #19 – Klara and the Sun by Kazuo Ishiguro

This is the third book I’ve picked up as part of my whole aspirational ‘read a piece of non-SFF capital-l Literature every month’ New Years resolution. Of those three, it is the second I opened only to discover it actually is science fiction and/or fantasy after all. Which is just a very funny thing to happen twice, and also meant the book was significantly less outside my comfort zone than I’d expected. Which did make it quite a pleasant read.

The story follows Klara, an AF (Artificial Friend, a companion robot for children) in a broadly sketched and mildly dystopian future America. At first it just follows her life in the shop where she’s kept, observing the world around her and interacting with the store manager and the other AFs, but the meat of the book is her life with the family who buys her. Over time you learn that Josie, her child, suffers from severe and increasing health issues as a consequence of being ‘lifted’ (genetically enhanced, in some unclear way) in the womb. Klara, being solar-powered and having quietly developed a one-robot religion underpinned by a firm belief in the power and benevolence of Mr. Sun (and a moral opposition to Pollution, which obscures and drives him away) does her best to invoke his help in nourishing and restoring Josie. At the same time, she learns that her job is not just to comfort Josie but, should she die, to be her mother’s replacement goldfish and imitate her perfectly.

The setting is broadly sketched and never really exposited upon – it’s just not something Klara is particularly interested in – but it’s a very modern sort of dystopia. Much of the populace, even among the American professional elite, have been left ‘post-employed’ by robotic automation. The remaining meritocratic elite have embraced novel and risky genetic enhancements for their children, as the only possible way of ensuring they get into a good school and one of the few good careers left. There are fascist militia compounds off in the distance somewhere. The overall feeling is that of a society dimly aware it’s midway through collapsing, but with no ideas of how to arrest its fall. But since Klara has no interest at all in either politics or economics, we only see this as it directly intrudes upon the story, with nary a lecture or manifesto to be seen.

I’ve only ever read one other book by Ishiguro, so I really don’t know how much this generalizes, but the similarities to Never Let Me Go really were striking. Both books are set in really rather horrifying societies, but portrayed in an utterly normalized way by someone who never even thinks to question the real rules they live under. Which is even more striking because in both cases the protagonist is seen by society as only quasi-human – like a person, but existing only in relation to and for the benefit of the people who really matter. And in both cases the story follows the protagonist who lives their life moving through the role they were made for without ever really resisting it, let alone changing it. Not that the roles of ‘friend to sick child’ and ‘mandatory organ donor’ are exactly comparable but, you know.

A definition I’ve always kind of liked for what makes literary fiction, well, literary is that it’s as or more concerned with the beauty and presentation of its prose than it is on the information the prose is conveying. Not at all true in terms of how the term’s actually used (genre is marketing), but it works for me, and lets this book count as literature quite handily. The whole story is told quite tightly from Klara’s point of view, and it’s a pleasure to read. Even if it took me more than a few pages to really understand how she described scenes, always foregrounding the ways they were divided by grids or patterns of the sun’s light.

Portraying the normal human society through the eyes of a naive and somewhat alien narrator to get away without explaining everything is a classic sci fi trope for a reason, but it’s overall used really well here as well.

I’m still not entirely sure how to interpret the sudden intrusion of magical realism with the ending. But otherwise, really quite a good read.

[succubish666]

Obey Me

With the Obey Me games coming to an end (😭), I wanted to talk about them.

First off, OG Obey Me >>> Nightbringer. Nightbringer was much more money-hungry and the writing was more kid-friendly and just generally worse. Due to the events in the story, all character development that had happened in the original game was set-back completely and the brothers practically devolved into caricatures of their respective sins. There is one redeeming feature for me with Nightbringer, Time Chronicles, where you can read stories from the original game for free. I’d say it’s worth downloading Nightbringer solely for the Time Chronicles feature. It was a dream-feature for me after I had accidentally lost all my data in the original game when I switched to my current phone.

I started playing Obey Me in late 2020. It was my first introduction to otome games, but also my first peak into the world of demonology. It was also my first time seeing Lucifer portrayed as a character that wasn’t evil, along with the concept of Lucifer and Satan being separate beings. I think it ultimately helped me feel less intimidated to approach Lord Lucifer when he decided it was time for us to start working together.

As I progressed through Obey Me, I grew to love the characters and the world of the Devildom. There is so much potential with them and I hope Solmare really does continue do push out new projects. I’d love a full anime based on the main story of the games. I’d also absolutely looove an Obey Me game meant for adults. I wish Solmare would see the success of Love and Deepspace and realize how profitable the adult market is for otome games. I’ve tried What in Hell is Bad, but that game is objectively… well, bad. Any spiciness that was present in the original Obey Me game was gone in Nightbringer, which left me using Character.ai and reading fanfics (shoutout to you fanfic writers 🫡).

The more I played Obey Me, the more I fell for the game’s Lucifer character. Looking back, the fact that I was crushing on and reading smut about him with the real Lucifer unknowingly watching me is super embarrassing 💀.

I had a bit of a reality shifting phase and Obey Me was the main world I wanted to shift to. I now think Lord Lucifer was actually the one holding me back from successfully shifting due to my purpose being in this world, not that one (though I think it also would’ve been strange for me to be dating someone with the same name and a similar backstory as him).

The games’s Lucifer compared to the deity I interact with are quite different. Looks-wise, the only things they have in common are that they are both hot, well-built, and can have black wings at times. My Lucifer’s hair is more the color of Satan’s and eyes the color of Diavolo’s. As for personality, late-game (in the OG game) Lucifer’s personality isn’t too far off, though I’d say Diavolo’s is a little more similar at times.

I will always hold these characters near my heart and am really hoping to see more with the franchise beyond in-person events in Japan I can’t attend. A couple of years ago, I never ever would’ve imagined the kind of connection I have with the ACTUAL Lucifer. I find it funny that things have worked out this way for me.

[highfunctioningflailgirl]

Maintenance

When Sam’s phone rings and he sees Castiel’s caller ID, he can’t quite suppress the old sense of alarm. Their lives have been peaceful for a while now - maybe too peaceful. And although Dean and Cas have seemed happy since moving into Bobby’s old cabin last year, Sam doesn’t trust that happiness. From experience, good things never last for the Winchesters.

Warily, he picks up the phone. “Cas, hey, what’s going on?”

“Can I seek refuge at the bunker?” As usual, the angel isn’t one for preliminaries.

“Why?” Sam asks, immediately worried. “What happened? Where’s Dean?”

“He’s at the farmer’s market.”

“The farmer’s market? What for?”

“To buy food.” Cas sounds annoyed. “That’s what you do there.”

Sam rubs his forehead. “I know that. But I didn’t know Dean did. But what does that have to do with you seeking refuge? Is someone after you? Something? Do you need help?”

“I definitely need help.” A nuance of desperation bleeds through Castiel’s grumpiness. “The situation is dire.”

Sam is squinting into the phone now. He still has no idea what the hell Cas is talking about.

“Cas, what happened? What the hell is going on?”

On the other end of the line, the angel sighs deeply. “I sent Dean for a check-up.”

“A check-up? At the doctor’s?” Sam’s heartbeat picks up.

“Yes. Humans are feeble creatures. They need maintenance, Samuel,” Cas lectures him.

“I know that,” Sam all but snaps back, his patience wearing thin. “And Dean went? Is he sick?”

“Not yet. But he could become sick if he doesn’t watch his-... wait, I forgot what it’s called.” There’s a pause, and Sam hears paper rustling in the background. “... his cholesterol. It’s too high.”

Now it’s Sam’s turn to sigh. He has a hunch where this is going. “Did his doctor put him on a diet?”

Castiel grunts gloomily. “He told him to swap meat for vegetables.”

“Let me guess,” Sam says, battling a feeling somewhere between relief, worry and laughter. “He’s eating greens and hating it.”

“...and being unbearable, yes,” Cas adds. “I know he’s doing this for me, Sam. He wants to be healthy for me. But, dear God, he’s killing me.” Sam can literally hear the misery written on the angel’s face.

“That bad?”

“He’s angry all the time. Even when he sleeps.”

Sam can’t help it. He chuckles.

“It’s not funny, Sam.”

“I know, I know.” Sam disguises his inappropriate mirth in a cough. “I’m sorry, Cas. I can imagine.”

He hears Castiel scratch his ever-present stubble.

“What shall I do, Sam? Can I stay with you and Eileen for a while? Until he's less... like this?”

Sam takes a moment to think. “Of course you can. But I don’t think it’ll help Dean’s mood if he thinks you’re leaving him.”

“I’m not leaving him!” Cas is appalled.

“No, but he’ll take it that way, Cas. You know how he is. He’s always afraid that you will. And he’ll blame himself. And that will make him even more angry.”

“I don’t think that’s possible.” Glumly.

“That bad?”

“Demon Dean was a ray of sunshine compared to him.”

“Oh.”

They both fall silent for a moment. Sam is just about to suggest something when, on the other end of the line, he hears a door slam.

“Sam, Dean’s back,” Castiel hisses.

“Hey hey! Who are you talking to, Cas?”

Dean’s voice. Bright and cheerful.

“I’m… I’m talking to Sam…”

“Oh yeah? Tell him and Eileen to come over tonight! I’m putting steaks on the grill. And burgers. I’m gonna show that doctor where he can shove his cholesterol.”

Dean laughs, defiantly and wholeheartedly, and Sam can imagine the i-don’t-give-a-damn joy in his brother’s eyes.

Then Castiel is back on the line. “Did you hear what he said?” He sounds very relieved.

“Yes.” Sam smirks. “Problem solved, I guess?”

“For now. But I’ll need you to teach me some heart-healthy recipes. Maintenance, remember?”

“I’ll be happy to. But it’s you who’ll make him eat them.”

Castiel sighs again. “God help me.”

Sam chuckles again. “I’m afraid you’re on your own, buddy.”

He hangs up, to the sound of Dean whistling gaily in the background.

[sallyface4everimmarriedto]

chapter two

[Present]

Sometime in the day Denji has killed the Tomato Devil and pulls Pochita’s blade out of it

"Phew…Gotta be the Tomato Devil. He’ll revive from the seeds, so you’ll wanna burn those" denji says speaking to the boss

"Nice work, Denji this carcass will bring in a fair price on the black market. I’ll pay you 400,000"

The yakuza boss praises the sixteen year old boy

Denji face has an excited expression at the praise and the money "Hey, thanks!"

"After what you owe and the interest, that leaves 170,000. So after the finder’s fee, admin fee, management costs, and so on…"

Then his expression dropped slowly

Drops each time as the list goes on

Sometime later, in the city Denji walks with Pochita down the street

"… that leaves me with 70,000" he says to pochita then continues

"After the water bill and some other stuff I owe…Funny how that works. I’ve got 1,800 yen left"

"No food at home, and this is gonna have to last us a month, so���Pochita, looks like dinner’s gonna be a slice of bread"

Denji walks past a car with the yakuza boss and his driver then denji can feel a familiar sense of dread that he still has not gotten used to even after many years

The driver and the boss shiver from the but try to ignore it but it was unerving then start to have a conversation as they see walking to help

"Why hire a brat like that to hunt devils?" The driver asks

"He’s paying off what he owes us. Well, technically, it was his deadbeat Boss’s debt" the boss responds

"And a kid with a pet devil can get the job done?"

"The thing about real devil hunters is that they don’t pass devil carcasses on to the yakuza Besides, the best thing about Denji is he does what he’s told"

The car drives to catch up with Denji the more the car gets close to denji the more the sense of dread grows

"Hey, dog!" The driver yells out the window

"Ah…"

"I’ll give you 100 yen to eat this cigarette! Hmm?" The driver tells denji at that point the the dreadful feeling thickens making the atmosphere almost hard to breath in

The sky seems to be cloudy maybe even turn black or red for a split second before returning to its normal blue

Ignoring it denji responds "For real? Don’t mind if I do"

Denji takes the man’s cigarette

"Ahh~..."

Denji swallows the cigarette

"Hahahaha!" The driver laughs in amusement

Then the bosses window rolls down

"We’ll be in touch when there’s another devil Try and run, and you’re pig slop" he says

"Ngh… Oh"

Denji walks away from the car, and the car drives off then a familiar angelic man pops out if nowhere and slaps him on the back of the head with one of his wings

"You imbecile"

"Hehe…Blegh…"

Denji sticks his tongue out. The cigarette is on it

"I didnt really swallow it...That’ll keep us for another three days"

"Woof!"

..............................................................

In Denji’s shed in which the three call home Denji and Pochita rest from the rain Pochita takes a bite of bread while m/n sits next to denji with a mini alternate in his hands

as if it was his child he showed it but he examined it as if it was an expiriment

he sat the alternate Down near pochita to see how it will react to pochita but it just ends up climbing on him as if he was a horse

"The other day I heard that normally, people put jam on their bread before eating it" denji speaks up

M/n raises an eyebrow at denji not seeing the point in food since he doesn't eat or need to eat

and doesn't get whats so good about the mush in your mouth 

Besides....human tastes better

.............................................................

[composeregg]

Polythieves Mug Collection (Part 2)

Last time, on the collection of mugs at the phantom thieves' household: it was very sweet and sappy, with themed choices for their code names.

You can find it here

THIS TIME

It's time for more gifts, memes, being silly, and finding weird mugs

This is absolutely one of Akira's favorites

Yusuke, meanwhile has this set of mugs

(The coffee goes in the one labeled "paint water" while "not paint water" is, in fact, the paint water)

Yusuke and Ann both have matching "Hot Chick" mugs, as well

The thieves love to fight over this one, Akira gives it to whoever has done Hot Girl Shit the most recently. He likes giving it to Sumi, but the others all compete to win it

Someone outside the polycule mistakes Ryuji for being straight, and soon enough he gets to be the DILF holder. They have 0 children when he gets this mug

Another popular one! Akira hands it to anyone else with the joke "I've never had anxiety in my life" and then it's promptly that person's turn to smack him for such a bold-faced lie

Makoto. It's very true.

A gift for Ryuji, another favorite of his

Yusuke finds the jug (jean mug) at a qaint roadside market and instantly falls in love with it. He knows exactly what do to with it. He presents it to Futaba.

Futaba (very much a trans girl) goes "Well it would be nice to finally have jugs" and Yusuke completely missed that implication until then

This one goes to Yusuke. Obviously

And another for Makoto!

A joke spiraled out of control ends up with Akira being the sexy senior citizen, after Yusuke jokingly calls him "grandfather" once

Often given to Haru, or whoever has commited the most recent Women's Wrongs

Another of Akira's favorites. He lets Morgana steal it sometimes

It's very important to note that certain mugs can be chosen and used to send messages to other thieves depending on circumstances, for instance:

Dick. Either Akira is mildly pissed at the person, or he's flirting. Potentially both!

if he is VERY annoyed, they might face this mug

Though the one with the bee movie script is a good indicator if he's annoyed. Or if the person he's giving it to is Yusuke. Yusuke loves literally every weird mug ever

When Goro Akechi is around, especially early on after he shows back up, Akira gives him the "Guess I'll die" mug. He might be a little mad about the constant deaths.

Which, however, is not as bad as THIS ONE, a favorite, that Akira was holding when he encountered Marki one time. He does throw it, it does hurt, it does break on the ground. He's justified

(They get a new one later)

Morgana also gets Catmander in Chief

Akira passive-aggressively drinks from this mug when Goro is around

Shrek mug. No one will admit to buying it and placing it there. (It was Sumi, she's so proud of not being caught yet)

This one OFTEN goes to Ann

A VERY fun one for Haru

They actually get Akira this during that period of time where he's legally dead

This one is just so funny it has to be there

Goro gets the Official Left Handers mug

This one for sure goes to Futaba

Sometimes you do not question the mug. It says run, you run. It goes to Ryuji

And Of course, last but CERTAINLY not least,

World's greatest slut.

(Akira always tries to keep it, but SOME PEOPLE demand their turn)

Most mugs taken from @shiftythrifting or like, the internet at large.

I am at image limit and currently out of mugs to share but if I find more then more may come! If others want to contribute PLEASE do so!