#it’s just a very interestingly calm and collected way

[iamnmbr3]

Can we do multiples for this? If so, #8 and #12 for Drarry please 🥺👉🏻👈🏻

Sure!

8. Unpopular opinion about them

I am not a fan of drarry being depicted in canon universes as either 'cool masculine action hero harry'/'damsel in distress fragile draco' or 'sweet but kinda dumb and blundering harry'/'calm cool and collected ice prince draco' or 'enemies who still loathe and distrust each other postwar to very reluctant openly hostile allies to lovers.' All these dynamics are fine if you want to read/write them but the thing is...at least to me...they aren't drarry. And by reducing the characters to those dynamics you end up missing out on a lot of the nuance that makes the characters special and the ship interesting and you kinda flatten them into something pretty generic.

Contrary to popular fanon Harry is not dumb. He was supposed to be in Slytherin for a reason. He's very clever and observant and resourceful. And while he can be very kind and compassionate he also can be deadly when he needs to be and has a real temper that many people, even those close to him (though interestingly not Draco), can find intimidating at times. Draco also is a very good Occlumens and definitely matures a lot, but he's also not someone who is innately cold and dignified, much as he might wish to be. He's hot and firey and emotional too - just like Harry - but presents that in different ways. And yes in later books Draco often overcomes and masters his fears and emotions - because he has to - but it's not easy for him, and sometimes it all comes bursting out. And that makes him interesting and complex and human.

However Draco is also not a fragile damsel in distress. By the end of the series he is no longer the sheltered boy who once dramatically claimed to be "dying" because Buckbeak scratched him. He's been branded with the Dark Mark, been tortured by Voldemort himself, and used Unforgivables on others in turn - even if under duress. He's had to survive living with Voldemort and his followers in his house while he and his family were out of favor and virtually defenseless. He showed himself to be far more clever and resourceful than many would have given him credit for during book 6. In book 7 despite knowing intimately the terrible fate he was likely condemning himself and his family to if Harry & Co escaped, he didn't reveal the fact that he saw Ron & Harry had freed themselves from their bonds in the cell and didn't identify Harry and his friends, which bought them the time they needed to get away. He also held his own in a duel against Harry - who is extremely skilled - due to his quick reflexes, powerful magic, and strong ability to use nonverbal spells. Draco is tough and powerful in his own right, especially after the war and wouldn't just collapse into frightened hysterics at the slightest danger or find himself unable to fend off an angry group of younger students during 8th year.

He and Harry are equals and foils and parallels and opposites all at once. That's what makes their dynamic so interesting. They can stand up to each other and they never are afraid of each other - even when logic says they should be - and their skills and abilities and temperaments are extremely complimentary.

Also I love a good 'toxic dark bitterest of foes to lovers' fic but again, that doesn't feel like postwar drarry. They couldn't bring themselves to hate each other at the height of the war. Harry spent most of book 7 worrying about Draco. Draco risked everything for Harry at the Manor. They're not going to suddenly start a bitter feud after all the pressures pitting them against each other are gone. Postwar Draco would feel guilt and regret over his actions. And Harry, who lied for Draco after the Astronomy Tower Incident in book 6, is unlikely to suddenly decide he's angry Draco didn't end up in Azkaban. (Which is not to say he might not be suspicious of or curious about Draco's activities - but it wouldn't come from a place of hatred or openly vicious aggression.)

What's so fascinating and unique about this ship is that for all they are rivals and later enemies on the opposite sides of a war they don't hate and distrust each other the way you'd expect. Yes there's enmity and hostility. Yes they have to fight each other sometimes. But they also understand each other so deeply. And whenever one of them is actually in danger they always, always save each other.

It is this complex and contradictory relationship that makes them so interesting to me. And so unique compared to a lot of other ships and ship dynamics.

(I also wrote about an unpopular opinion for Draco here.)

12. Crack headcanon

There was a 7 year long 'will they or won't they' betting pool among an ever widening circle of students traumatized by having been subjected to their shenanigans.

Send me a character/ship from any fandom and a number.

[here4tripitaka]

Chapter 57: Opposite Day Tripitaka gets violent; Wukong cries; Sandy goes nuclear

The one where Tripitaka dies. Except not.

This week I’m going to jump around a bit more. Let's get into it.

Tripitaka and Wukong

Last week I was deeply unimpressed with Tripitaka and sympathetic to Wukong. This week it’s the opposite. Tripitaka gets 10/10 from me for the way he handles things, whereas I’m pretty unimpressed with Wukong for (1) hitting Tripitaka and (2) being an insincere git who’s trying to get back in with Tripitaka for all the wrong reasons.

It’s not that he’s realised he was wrong to kill all those people; not that he misses Tripitaka; not that he’s worried Tripitaka won’t be able to complete the journey without him. No, he’s just too embarrassed to go home with his tail between his legs:

Have you ever had an ex who promised to change that thing you broke up with them over - only to go right back to their old ways once you agreed to get back together? Well, Wukong is the platonic version of that:

Tripitaka, to his credit, is not fooled:

Is this really the same guy who was fooled three times by Lady White Bone - and so many others? I think our boy is growing up.

This is one of my favourite themes in JTTW - this stuff about gullibility being a moral shortcoming. I mean, I don’t actually know whether Wukong is sincere here. But it doesn’t seem like it.

I’m still against the violence - the band-tightening spell. But I have more sympathy for Tripitaka this time, because he’s made it very clear he wants Wukong gone. BOUNDARIES, WUKONG. And Tripitaka seems much more calm and collected, so it doesn’t seem spiteful.

Wukong continuous with his “weasley, manipulative ex” schtick:

Tripitaka, to his credit, maintains his boundary:

You really can’t say fairer than that. He doesn’t get violent - he gives Wukong a square warning.

It's pretty much the same when Wukong circles back when Tripitaka is hungry, dehydrated and vulnerable. Tripitaka still isn’t having it, and decides he’d rather die than accept sustenance from him. This, of course, is where Wukong hits Tripitaka - which is just beyond the pale.

Crying

Wukong gets an audience with Guanyin to dob on Tripitaka, and here’s where it happens:

I know next to nothing about pre-modern Chinese culture, but apparently this is how it’s DONE. 

For context, a few weeks ago, I tried to find out what the deal was with male crying. After all, Tripitaka cries a LOT. It turns out that academic Ya Zuo has done a bunch of work on it - at least for the Song era. It was fascinating - to me, anyway. (Scroll down to the row of tear drops if you’re not so fascinated, cos I’m gonna go on a spiel here.)

Crying was seen as an activity done by men, to be witnessed by other men, mostly for the sake of consolidating elite power alliances with… you guessed it… other men. Women and plebs could cry too, but their crying was seen as LAME, whereas elite male crying was BOSS.

This is kinda cool. Out of all the times somebody cried in Record of the Listener, it was men 42% of the time. That doesn’t sound like much, but women only made up 25% and children 4%. I guess the rest of the time it was deities, animals or - importantly - crying as a group activity. Group crying was well and truly a male-led, bromance-promoting activity. If Game of Thrones or House of Cards had been set in Song China, all the top players would have been strategically crying:

“[C]ontrary to the modern association of tears with weakness, male lacrymation [crying] in the Song acted to articulate and reinforce a position of dominance." (at 42)

Interestingly, Zuo finds that they weren’t necessarily crocodile tears - despite being political and purposeful.

Zuo explains a lot of interesting things. Apparently, one of the upsides of tears was that they could bridge awkward gaps where verbal communication would have just made things worse. As Zuo points out (I’m very loosely paraphrasing), you can’t really explain to the new emperor how you are TOTALLY loyal to them even though they just took over from your best bud the old emperor, who stood for the polar opposite. But you CAN bypass the awkwardness and cry your way into demonstrating some sort of unexplained yet heartfelt loyalty.

Wukong’s crying TOTALLY fits this. The “power alliance” thing, that is. Not the “this is too awkward to talk about” thing. He’s crying to try to convey his deep sincerity to Guanyin and forge an alliance, so he can force Tripitaka’s hand.

Tripitaka’s general teariness is a different beast. I’m still not sure that I understand the cultural context, but Zuo does talk about male tears in relation to morality. For instance:

That probably goes some way to explaining the waterworks when the queen of Women State and the scorpion demon tried to seduce him.

Guanyin: I’m always delighted when Guanyin makes an appearance. I could go on and on. Still, I don't really see why she thinks Wukong can't be in two places at once. Everyone knows he can do the hair-breath-clone thing. Unless someone's impersonating him.

Also, why would she send WUKONG with Sandy to go ascertain the truth at Flower-Fruit Mountain again? That’s like sending an accused criminal back to the scene of the crime with the police inspector to “help” them work out if the accused really did it.

Sandy: It was interesting to see Sandy take centre stage. I thought he was the even-keel voice of reason in the background. Apparently not, cos his idea of getting to the bottom of the truth about his doppelganger is simply to… kill him.

Dragon Horse: Why are they always tying up Dragon Horse? He’s an intelligent dragon-person in horse form. Surely he’s committed to the journey and knows not to wander off:

…

Tripitaka’s seeming death: Sandy and Bajie's reaction to thinking Tripitaka was dead was… oddly lax. They really should have tried a bit harder to check before calling it:

Calm down, guys. He's not dead.

Blue woollen wraps: What’s the deal with these? If they’re just blankets, can’t they get more? Did I miss some backstory? I’m gonna have to CTRL+F the chapters I missed, or something.

Tea rice: This made me want to try making tea rice. I’d never heard of it.

(Couldn’t find a pic of Chinese tea rice.)

Bad management: Why does Tripitaka bother to ask who wants to go to Flower-Fruit Mountain if he was always going to pick Sandy?

Wukong and the passport: He seems to think there’s a LOT more meaning to it than there is. Has the stress of the split turned him into some kind of passport conspiracy theorist? (Jokes.)

Wukong’s reply to Sandy about Golden Cicada makes no sense: Sandy points out that Wukong can’t just make his own journey to the west, because Tripitaka is Golden Cicada and that’s kind of the whole point. Wukong basically replies that he’s created his own clones of Tripitaka, Bajie and Sandy. But clearly the clone Tripitaka isn’t Golden Cicada, so it’s not really an answer.

Wukong’s group EATS their fallen comrade: what?!

Red Boy is still pretty snarky. I don’t think Wukong understands the concept of, “He’s just trying to get a rise out of you”:

And that’s it from me this week! I’m off to find out what the deal is with this Flower-Fruit Mountain Wukong clone thing.

“This is not what I meant when I said, ‘Let’s do body doubling'.”

@journeythroughjourneytothewest

---

Image credits: The usual spiel. The images/gif above are random content from the web, some modified, some not. They are not original. The pre-existing images should turn up with reverse googling or have links embedded, but feel free to ask and I’ll dig up sources.

[sqarletsworldlesswandering]

Also any trivia on Eclipsed! Duality, if that's alright?

Ooo, haven't handled Duality too much as of yet!

Time to write some characters-

First things first: What in Worldless comprises this goober?

Just looking purely at their arrival animation, they look for all the world like bigger versions of Edda and Aven - i.e. Wanderers or some other humanoid, but with extra headpieces. Their abstractions are much the same way.

However, their headpieces are more reminiscent of a phoenix and a wyvern, in some ways.

So I've got a few theories:

It's two more Wanderers, just with fancy headgear. Maybe a status symbol or something.

It's technically four starfolk - let's say two wanderers who previously absorbed a phoenix and a wyvern respectively, and the traits of our winged friends are still showing for some reason.

- And this I think is the most likely and makes quite a bit of sense strength-wise - it's a Paladin and an Angel. Case in point the wings on the Lightfolk, and the general magnitude and bulk of the Darkfolk, while both are still anthropoid. It's not perfect - we don't see any instances of the armor typical of paladins, nor the halo of angels, but the headpieces could be a nod to that.

I'm going to run with interpretation 3 here.

As for Duality as a character...

They look very... mushed together. They can't quite collaborate perfectly, and it almost gives the impression that they lost some of their collective energy, and don't have enough to sustain both halves most of the time. They have an easier time letting one front over the other, but they can't properly separate either.

And they're quite literally spliced together by the splinters of their exoskeleton. It's... painful. At least until they stabilize a bit. They never fully stabilize, but they get to a point where they aren't actively in crippling.

The two of them get along... interestingly. They ultimately do get along, but you wouldn't know it from the way they banter. It takes being around them a bit to realize that it is actually banter and not just... genuine arguing. The whole vibe is every bit "I hate you so much let me hug you."

At first, they are both thinking "No. No, no way. Absolutely not. I am not stuck at the hip with this guy." Then they both slog their way through the five stages of grief (honestly kinda want to make a fic of that-) and eventually reach a very begrudging acceptance.

Inverse to Edda and Aven, in this case the Darkfolk - we'll call her Skoteinos ["Skoh-tey-nohs], 'Teino for short - was much more angry about it than the Lightfolk (henceforth named Kavodim ["Kah-voh-deem"]).

Kavodim was fairly... calm, comparatively, but nose-in-air and aloof towards the "Dark One" as he insisted on calling her, with a pretty scathing undertone of condescention. Meanwhile Teino was absolutely chomping at the bit and on a few occasions tried to strangle "Pigeon-brain."

Other nicknames in chronological order include:

Insignificance

Nuisance

Inconvenience

Dark Pebble

Oh Gloomy One

Doom-and-Gloom

Storm cloud

Little Pebble

Aspida (Shield)

Aspidio (Little Shield)

Sko

Teini

---

Eyeling (essentially "minion of Worldless," which... in the transcended mind is not a complement)

Atracav (Slang for black hole, a bit of a double insult: both a dead star, and an all devouring "greedy/gluttonous" force)

Blind Beast

Gallus (chicken)

Columbella (Little Pigeon)

Columba (Pigeon)

Featherbrain

Oh Snooty One

Columba (Dove)

Collumbella (Little Dove)

Glory (think in terms of the light phenomena)

They also discovered quickly that they made a formidable (ha-ha, "formidable foe"-) team in combat, much to their chagrin. They'd rather just... awkwardly stare in opposite directions after a fight well won than acknowledge the chemistry.

Eventually, and I mean EVENTUALLY after way too much angst and the other transcendeds watching them be emotionally constipated and closed off and angry, they sort themselves out and it turns... sweet? If you can call high-volume shouting matches and arguing sweet, because there's no actual anger behind it.

Duality is one of the younger transcendeds, both in when they came about and their components. They were... grateful that they weren't strictly the youngest because otherwise that would have been unbearable (from their view).

They also don't... really have a consistent unified form. Duality-proper only comes out in rare instances of a very united goal or emotion. The rest of the time, they just sorta use their own names, or Duality to refer to the both of them at once.

Also, around mid-story (after fighting the duo), they figure out how to stabilize enough to walk around independently of each other for brief periods of time.

The other transcendeds have no clue how a pair of individuals that outwardly gives the impression of Anger manages to also be so... weirdly loving to each other.

Teino also knows Dark Paladin (eehhh let's call him Kleisme - shortened version of Kleismenos) pretty well. Once she's in her right mind again, she... spends far too much time reflecting on his situation with Ceren (Demon). Post-Conflict she's one of the reasons he eventually cuts ties with Ceren.

Teino is the epitome of aggressive joy and enthusiasm. She's the loud energetic friend that always sounds a little angry, except that she's radiating cheerfulness and good vibes, and it's contagious. Her laugh is one of the clearest, most reverberating chest-voice guffaws and it's a beautiful thing. Kavodim quickly learns that she has a fondness for unusual and niche-use weapons (ahem time to talk to Throne) and for all things crystals. Also mushrooms. She loves mushrooms, she finds them wonderful and fascinating pieces of fauna, and will tell you all about them. She also lived in the Amethyst Bog pre-conflict, which is her happy place. She's always wanted to visit the Amaranth Swamps, but never got the chance. Kavodim... manages to brave it for sake of seeing her enthusiasm and getting to listen to her ramble about the flora and fauna of the swamp. Honestly, Teino is a pretty good candidate for taking care of an Inkwell/Libellit pair now that I start writing her.

Kavodim is... tangentially aware of Archi, but they're in different flocks so he doesn't know her terribly well. That changes in New Eden because of their newfound ties with the duo. He actually ends up wing-manning Teino in getting Kleisme away from Ceren. Being an Angel - and an incredibly icy one at that - he has at least some intimidating force behind him against a Demon, and he will not hesitate to pull the "I'm getting our Ophan" card (said Ophan is Throne, as of right now, hopefully I haven't created a discontinuity). So while Teino is convincing Kleisme that "my guy you need to get out of this," Kavodim is giving Ceren a death stare to rival Worldless to keep him busy.

In other news, where Teino is loud and happy and boisterous and frankly the epitome of jolly, Kavodim is much icier. But not Gabriel icier. His ice is a much pricklier ice and it's a bit harder to be around. He in general is a little hard to be around? If nothing else, he's hard to talk to, and not much for small talk. He's definitely just too good to talk to you, not utterly incompetent with small talk. Totally. Teino eventually golden-retrievers that particular attitude out of him, and it turns into just... a normal introverted reservation as opposed to a mask of condescension. Teino was the first to really initiate any sort of gift-giving, and just sorta... guessed at first, trying to figure out what he liked. The whole thing was very... "What do you mean 'is this from me' I wanted to punch you this morning." But, after a couple interesting but not necessarily... poignant gifts, he sorta... as nicely as possible told her that he appreciated the sentiment but wasn't sure what to do with it, so she backed off until she could figure out something he'd actually want, as well as noting that gift-giving was perhaps not the first resort for being nice. Then one time, she noticed him lingering at a clothing stall in a market once, at which point she began consulting Athena, Willow, Throne, and Archi on what best to give him.

He now has a very subtly yet intricately embroidered and well fitted cape coat. You never see him without it.

At least once, Summum has asked if he needs to stage an intervention and if the two really hated each other, at which point they both rapidly and somewhat indignantly responded "no, we don't hate each other, don't you dare try and separate us" followed shortly by contemplation, and then "oh, we can see how you might conclude that maybe we shouldn't do that." Summum is forever exasperated.

I'm running out of ideas at the moment, but I'm sure I will have more at some point (especially if you have any more specific questions about these two!)

[naruto-ol-protags]

What are each of the Naruto Online Protagonists backstories?? I wasn’t aware they had any, or if they had a lot of profiles with that listed their own attributes. If you could describe them or provide a link for me to check them out I would really appreciate it!

This is kind of a complicated question, mainly because they are split into: the Orichara contest versions, the first beta versions, the second beta versions (some info on them was retconned), and the current game version (the question is whether browser and mobile count as the same or canon divergence XD). There is also the scrapped intro cinematic video where the protags are kids in the Ninja Academy who seem to be friends? It's honestly a mess that doesn't add up a lot of times unless you follow exactly one version and disregard everything else.

I've been working on a spreadsheet/masterpost on all kinds of canon info available for each protag but it's still being put together and has some personal commentary... Please feel free to take a look at it though 😅

You can also go through the #character trivia tag for more details!

A condensed version would be:

Azure Fang - she is determined to cure illnesses of the world and specializes in medical jutsu and chakra control. She's compassionate, curious, lively, and often shows her cute/girlish side. Despite being a medic she also readily uses poisons. In fights, she's shown to favor her tantō. Her mobile voice lines suggest that she's rather casual with others when at work and socializes easily.

Breeze Dancer - she's said to be a "royal sister type" and a few of the game ads have suggested her being in some way tied to Sunagakure and the Three Sand Siblings. Interestingly enough her nindō is intertwined with Orochimaru (although they don't seem to be on good terms). She has travelled a lot and thanks to that gained a mature outlook on society. Breeze is the only one who is vocal about having a distinction between good and evil, it seems to be one of her motivations for fighting. She fights using her metal fan, multiple clones, and seduction tactics (on men). Funnily enough, she prefers the company of girls.

Crimson Fist - he's liked and trusted by others and looks more mature than his age would suggest. He specializes in taijutsu and close combat. Crimson is a calm guy who cares for his friends a lot and trains hard to be able to protect them. He also likes to cook and garden, and occasionally sass at the other guys (usually to show off his manliness). Nothing is known about his clan but he has the wood release and a kekkei genkai.

Midnight Blade - younger by one year from the rest, works as a bounty hunter, knows an ANBU skill (up to interpretation whether he just picked it up from someone or was/is in the organization), and fights mostly using kenjutsu. He's cold, not talkative, and pragmatic, his main motivator seems to be money. His ideal setting is a 1v1, when faced with more opponents he loses his advantage. Despite being very professional and concentrated while on duty, he has been, in fact, portrayed as disliking work.

Scarlet Blaze - his lineage is connected to the Uchihas (not said to what degree), he also experienced a clan massacre, it's unclear if he's the last survivor or has some living relatives. He's calm and collected, hardworking, pragmatic, interested in all kinds of the world's ninjutsu, and aware of his good looks. Prefers to engage with opponents by his genjutsu first, and is good at finding their weaknesses. Preferred weapons seem to be kunai but he has been getting some variety with the latest skins.

I'm also putting the relevant profiles under the cut:

^ Above are presented the beta profiles (longer and shorter versions)

^ The more detailed profiles released on the official forum website and in-game

^ My Ninja Way intro screens with each character's phrase in the bracket

[rikeijo]

Today's translation #461

Go Yuri Go!!!, Yuri!!! on ICE official fanbook, Jun'ichi Suwabe interview

Part 5.

-- The gap between Victor's aloof coolness [interestingly, it's not "かっこいい" that is used here, but "クールさ", which is closer to "calm and collected" meaning of English "cool" - so the interview goes along with what Suwabe's said] and that [the way Suwabe said the "Vkusno!" line in a cute way] was very nice, I thought.

S: I think that Victor has also a very "pure" (ピュア) side to him, so I'm very happy that you felt that way. In episode 10., he says that he devoted a large part of his life to figure skating. Asada Mao-san, who for a very long time was the leader of women's figure skating in Japan, during her retirement press conference some time ago, was asked by a journalist about what figure skating is to her and she answered "If I have to answer using just one word, I would say that it is my "life", I think". Probably Victor is like that, too. Even though he is a genius, his victories are made up of a lot of effort and sacrifices. I think what makes him so charming as a character is that he doesn't let you see his hard work and loneliness.

-- If you have any memories of voice-over recordings, please share some with us.

S: Recording sessions for this show were often very long. Especially, in the first part of the story, it sometimes took us twice as long as a 30-minute anime [episode] normally takes. It was hard to stay focused... Lately, in a lot of cases, voice-over recording for all episodes is already finished before the anime even starts airing, but in case of Yuri!!!, we were still recording after the anime started airing. Voices of people, who were watching the show, started to reach us at the recording studio and thanks to that, I think, morale of the cast and staff members went up higher and higher. It was thanks to all the people who supported us, I'm sure, that we were able to keep our motivation so high until the last episode. I'm very grateful for that.

[madrone33]

Just found this in my docs! Apparently I wrote down my reaction when I first listened to Ulysses Dies At Dawn last november, soooo :D

Started listening to Ulysses Dies at Dawn by The Mechanists. First song is The City, let's gooo (19:44).

Just finished listening to Ulysses Dies at Dawn. Oh, shit, I just realised why the album is called that, fuck. My heart. His death was simultaneously heartbreaking, peaceful, and triumphant. I had no idea it was going to end like that. Amazing (22:24).

Ok, some rambling about it before I re-listen with lyrics:

The whole idea of trials, and each character's backstory getting introduced with them is cool. It lets the mystery soak for a bit, giving breadcrumbs out, and letting each character have time to breathe.

I like how the blind guy is almost exclusively referred to as "that motherfucker" XD. Ironic.

Ok, but the sphinx disease is legitimately horrifying. Wow, the Olympians are just straight up villains in this huh.

I think Daedalus has the coolest vibes (apart from Ulysses) 'cause he's just so smooth all the time. Calm and collected and unconcerned... until the end when Ulysses switches it up on him lol.

The line "Currently beaten, battered, bloody... Unbowed. Spits out a mouthful of teeth and disdain" perfectly encapsulates Ulysses' character. I love it.

Ulysses being this super smart inventor tactician dude is awesome. I was stunned by the Trojan Horse twist. Broken Horses was amazing, I had literal chills. Interestingly, it almost reminds me of Hell’s Comin’ with Me by Poor Man’s Poison? Also, the signal Ulysses designed for the Trojan Horse sounds a lot like the V-Day signal in Kingsman. Brutal.

The beat to My Name is No-One sounds like an alarm, like how False Peace by Precious Jewel Amor utilises the prison alarm as percussion, which is very cool. And the song is hilarious. Just waltz in, it'll be fine :D Love the way it fades out after he gives his name away, ending on an unresolved note a lot like in Remember Them from EpicTM. Yo, speaking of Epic, I kinda love how the electric guitar in this song unintentionally mirrors the way Odysseus in Epic has the electric guitar as his instrument when he’s doing badass shit.

And then Ulysses going from idealistic to traumatised, and you don't even see the extent of his hope for the world until right at the end, when it's already gone. Like, shit bro.

Love how even though he spends like- almost the whole thing being drunk and getting beaten up, he still always seems in control somehow. The only time he isn't is in Underworld Blues when he's begging to Hades. I'll have to relisten to that to figure out what he wanted, actually. It was a bit unclear. Did he just... want Hades to kill him or smth? Make sure his brain wasn't on the network? Yeah, I'll need the lyrics.

The twists on all the lore are honestly so great. From mythical and magical, to futuristic and mechanical. You can clearly see the real world myths all their backstories come from.

That simple, blunt "No" from Ariadne was great.

I love how in Torn Suits all of the mercs are singing about why they can't die, and how they're going to use the money to escape the City's hold on them. By running, or paying off debts, or taking a loved one back, or ruling it. But then Ulysses kills them and willingly dies himself, giving his body to the earth and escaping the City more fully than they ever could. Hell yeah, fuck them.

As soon as I heard the password was 'Elysian', I knew it was something about death. His death. And something about it will be peaceful. I was right.

And ARGOS!! The doggo reunites with his human, and yeah he still dies, but Ulysses practically goes with him! Also, are dogs extinct in this world, like horses? Did Ulysses manage to find the last tree and the last dog?? Damn, dude. Mad skillz.

Bro, I was wondering where Penelope was going to fit into all this, 'cause in The Odyssey, practically his entire life purpose is to get back to her, but here there was... nothing stopping him I thought? I thought either he was in huge debt to someone and was stuck in a completely different sector than Penelope, or he was staying away out of guilt and shame over his actions in the war. But then it's revealed that he is trying to get back to her... in death. Like, fuck bro, that's really fucking sad. Dude's been passively or actively suicidal for the past few decades, and then he finally gets to rest with her... Fuck, man. Hits hard.

Ulysses sounds a lot like Joel from The Last of Us games when he sings softly. It helps that Elysian Fields is literally just Wayfaring Stranger lol. Also gives the same feeling as the endish part of AC: Valhalla, after he talks to the king and rides away and Twilight of the Gods starts playing.

The cover art is so cool, as well. And the last ones? The plain wooden table, bare of any media or research or advertisement. So good. No more secrets. No more lies. The truth, laid out in the open, plain as can be. Nothing more, nothing less. And then the vault, blood splattered enemies dying, grasping for artificial life in the cold grey, while Ulysses lies under the living tree, surrounded by sunlight and green with his loved ones, at peace with his death. Amazing imagery.

The drums at the end of Elysian Fields are like a funeral march or the drums that play on Anzac Day. So good.

Okay, I think I've written all I wanted to say, so imma go read the lyrics now (22:56).

Finished listening with the lyrics! Love it even more now (01:44).

[aetherceuse]

Lusamine’s Pokémon

Lusamine is a classically trained trainer. Being that her adopted parents were Kantonian, she was raised around the moxie of the KanJoh battle culture. Her team’s levels range in the late 80’s and early 90’s, and the friendship levels are all maximized. When it comes to choosing Pokémon for her collection, she prefers to obtain them from the region that the monster was first discovered, or she works with pedigree breeders for specific egg moves and legacy genetics.

Clefable

Her very first Pokémon, captured as a Clefairy on Mt. Moon when Lusamine was 10 years old. She absolutely had the opportunity to pick one of the starters from the professor, due to her privileged status, but her parents declined. Lusamine’s parents wanted their daughter to be proficient at the capture and taming methods, and so they expected her to catch her own starter partner. Because of her steady movements and calm demeanor, Lusamine was able to catch the shy monster rather easily, with a simply toss of a Poké Ball after indulging in a brief round of ‘hide-and-seek’ in the tunnels of the mountain.

Clefairy was out of her ball almost constantly, joining Lusamine in her classes, on her outings, and everywhere in between. Because of that, the Clefairy earned a studious reputation, and picked up some of the habits of the instructors.

Clefable’s personality is bright, cheery, playful and confident, but also knows when to take things seriously for her trainer.In battle, however, Clefable is. . . . An asshole. She knows she is strong. She doesn’t pretend like she isn’t, and she will Moonblast you to kingdom come. Metronome is also a delight to use, and she thinks it’s funny when she gets access to Gigaton Hammer.

Milotic

Lusamine’s second Pokémon, given to her as a Feebas after a prolonged internship at the Mossdeep Space Station at the age of 15. She, admittedly, was not too thrilled at first, when that fish was handed over to her. Lusamine was not very fond of water, at all, and was not given much of an opportunity to spend prolonged amounts of time in water unless it was for bathing— therefore, she had to overcome quite a few personal obstacles if she intended on raising a Feebas into a Milotic. This was also a point where Lusamine began to truly appreciate the beauty of these monsters.

Time spent in the water with Feebas, training it very patiently, and finding opportunities to beautify her little fish, led to it evolving into her Milotic. Lusamine still finds a lot of time to swim with her sea serpent in the private pools on the Aether Paradise, and will occasionally take her back to Hoenn to swim in the wetlands.

Milotic can be incredibly vain, because she knows that she is responsible for coaxing her trainer out of her comfort zone. She is also a bit of a taunter and show dog in battle, taking advantage of her size and looks to catch opponents off guard. Of all of Lusamine’s Pokémon, she is the one most eager to battle.

Bewear

This iconic, cuddly boy was surrendered to the Aether Foundation as a Stufful. He was muddy, all torn up, and in need of some love and stitches. How he managed to fall into Lusamine’s hands is actually underwhelming— she simply thought he was cute, and decided to keep him for herself. Stufful was hand stitched back together by the president, given plenty of care, and was soon a happy, bouncy baby bear. Interestingly enough, when given a squeeze, this Pokémon squeaks like a stuffed toy.

The moment Stufful evolved into a Bewear, he became extremely protective of Lusamine, much the way a guard dog would treat itself as a wall between its master and a threat. Sometimes, he is unaware of his own strength when trying to defend Lusamine, and has sent unexpecting people into the ocean with a swing of his arms.

He is a sweetheart, a love bug, and just wants to be everybody’s friend. The ultimate example of a Care Bear with good intentions who accidentally breaks walls. Don’t be surprised if he just awkwardly, creepily looms over you with a smile on his face though, especially if he doesn’t know who you are.

Mismagius

This Pokémon came to Lusamine completely evolved; she purposely went seeking for a Mismagius when she learned of the phantom’s ability to invoke dreams of strange worlds into the mind of a slumbering trainer. Lusamine had become aware of her otherworldly origins, and was beginning to find interest in the worlds that existed beyond the current dimension. She believed that divining information through lucid dreaming would be beneficial to her research.

She met with a hypnotist in the Sinnoh region, who rehomed an aged Mismagius to Lusamine in the hopes that the Aether president would take good care of her; the hypnotist was ancient herself, and could no longer look after the spirit, having become overwhelmed with the Mismagius’ needs, and tendency to lose control of instincts.

While the lucid dreaming experiments did not yield much, Lusamine grew fond of the ghost hag, and kept her as a part of her team.

Mismagius is old, extremely old, and carries herself with the wisdom— and earned bitterness— of a wisened witch. She is brutal in battle, and does not hold back on speaking her mind. After all, she’s an elder, and has earned her lack of filter.

Liligant

Veteran trainers and gardeners adore the beautiful, elegant flower atop a Liligant’s head, but they are aware that it is extremely difficult for one to bloom without a lot of time, effort and resources— even then, a Liligant’s flower will never be as beautiful as it would when blooming in the wild.

Lusamine’s Liligant was a display Pokémon at a flower show in Castelia City. The feat of creating a dazzling lilium bloom had been so stunning, that collectors across the region began a bidding war in an attempt to add the grass-type to their collection. Lusamine, unconvinced that anybody else at the show would be capable of nurturing such a Pokémon, outbid everyone in a rather dramatic flex of her finances.

At first, Liligant was going to live a quiet life on the Aether Paradise’s Conservation Deck, where she would get ample sunlight, water, and fresh air— but when Lusamine observed the Pokémon’s desire to dance about and move, she decided to bring her along for several trips, where she eventually allowed Liligant to face a few trainers in battle. What she observed, following the matches, was that Liligant’s flower and health improved so significantly, that she goes out of her way to have the Pokémon engage in sparring matches. She is still not at her peak, but she is improving.

Of all of her Pokémon, Liligant is the most shy and introverted, and is a rather modest girl despite her looks. But, she also knows that she is the baby, and takes advantage of it. The Aether employees love to spoil her.

[brsb4hls]

Kinda ranty iwtv review ahead.

When I finally got the chance to watch iwtv I found it meh. Which was weird to me, I was so excited about it.

Been trying to find out why for over a week.

I think I figured out now what I didn't like.

1. A small thing, the music. It didn' fit the scenes and simply sucked.

2. The atmosphere. The show kept the gore but ditched the gothic part of that horror genre imo.

This might partially be due to the fact that the act of blood drinking is pretty much de-mystified in the show. First, it's not a stand in for sex anymore, since there's actual sex. Not a bad thing per se of course, but different vibes.

Secondly, the "experiencing the whole life of a human via their memories when drinking their blood" part obvi couldn't really be put into the show.

3. Daniel. What the hell. Ok, there's the aged up thing, I could live with that. But due to his newly constructed history with Louis, Daniel is missing the wonder, scepticism and in the end downright horror when confronted with an actual vampire.

He's just sassy, bitchy and judgemental all the time, which kinda shapes how Louis in those scenes is presented to the audience.

There's not even respect, like, basic respect for another being who's guest you are. Feels totally off.

(Also I personally love book-Daniel and Armands relationship, so kinda miffed I wont get that).

4. The biggest point: Lestat's and Louis' relationship. There are multiple factors here.

First, the beginning. In the books Lestat was drawn to a deeply depressed Louis with a death wish.

Show Louis attracted Lestat by being assertive and very clear of his boundaries (if you take the most positive spin on his confrontation with his brother).

That sets off an entirely different dynamic. Also, show Louis pretty much has his shit together given the circumstances. He has to run his buisiness while being surrounded by bigotted racists and he's managing kinda well. (Until he rightfully explodes).

He also seems to turn to drinking animal blood not out of guilt or shame, but reason.

It's more like blood is blood and less clean up that way.

Louis doesn't huddle in the sewers, bawling and hating himself while munching on pest rats.

Which interestingly makes show Louis much more likable, because, ngl, book Louis took my last nerve. I was relieved to get Lestat's perspective in the second book, which was much more entertaining.

So, show Louis is likable and relatable, which changes the dynamic. In addition to to that Claudia becomes his sworn ally, so those two built a front against Lestat.

(Rightfully so, Lestat treats them like shit.)

But it divides Louis and Lestat further.

Plus by making Louis more self confident and assertive, it actually feels worse that they added that horrible scene where Lestat beat him up and dropped him (totally unnecessary btw, he was hovering above the ground in the first or second ep already, it was clear he could do that).

It felt like building the character up to tear him down more if that makes sense.

There are things I did like though:

*Like I said, I actually like Anderson's Louis more than book Louis, just not in that combination.

*Sam Reid does an amazing job as Lestat, everyone already knows that of course, and there's just no arguing here.

*Both actors have crazy good chemistry (which yeah, would be even better if not for the changed dynamics, I mean, they're pretty much end game in the books, they should work well together).

*Armand is perfect. He is ridiculously gorgeous while also appearing very calm and collected with a side of creepy. Which is exactly how Armand should be given the way he is described in the books (he's not 17 in the show, but I still think he's a great choice).

All in all it's not a bad adaption, it has some great scenes and I will keep watching, I'm just not blown away by it.

I would love for people to add to this, since it's probs a more unpoplular opinion, so discussion is always interesting.

Also, full disclosure, I ditched my Anne Rice books years ago, so I might remember stuff wrongly, please point that out to me.

[dualumina]

Zohaqan and Nakis are just one example of how frequent tragedy is interwoven with djinn in GW2 canon, and it's soul crushing.

Ellutherius Wintergust was a royal gift to a prince, and due to unstable magic in the area has started showing signs of confusion and memory loss. Despite this, when the prince was still alive, the prince treated the djinn like an advisor rather than a servant, and Ellutherius went and trained the prince in swordfighting, leading the prince to becoming famous for it. Yet the prince always cited Ellutherius as his teacher, and based on the way Ellutherius talks about the prince, the two were very good friends! But now the djinn resides, confused and alone, in a forgotten palace.

The Garden of Seborhin features several djinn that are still bound to work as servants in the area, and one of the options to progress the "Be the life of the party" heart is to locate discontent djinn and beat them up. You aren't given the option to try helping them at all during that heart event.

Also, side note, based on GW1's lore, djinn were enslaved by human wizards after humans arrived in Elona. It's never made clear if it was all djinn, most djinn, or a significant chunk of the population. However, if you look closely at common djinn models, their four arms have manacles on them. Whether that's simply how common djinn dressed before being magically bound or remnants of their bindings is hard to say. One djinn mentions having been a free djinn for at least a century, so at the very least the manacles aren't proof a djinn is bound necessarily. The Key of Ahdashim does NOT wear anything on her wrists interestingly, which might allude to wrist coverings not being the norm among djinn (Zommoros has gauntlets held via leather straps, and Qadim it's hard to tell if it's armour or parts of his body jutting out from his wrists.)

Zaya the Radiant and Vemyen had a long time friendly rivalry between the two of them, which was mostly harmless (given how djinn aren't particularly bothered if they're bottled it seems) that would involve the two routinely stealing from each other, only to later return the items when they'd meet up again. During one planned meeting, the fire djinn Vemyen never showed up. The water djinn Ziya gathers a few people, including the Commander, to help her look for Vemyen, and the group discovers that the fire djinn was sadly branded. However, it's revealed that Vemyen still retained his consciousness and the ability to speak, and is begging Ziya to flee. She refuses and Vemyen, unable to control himself fully, fights the group, ultimately the only option being to kill him (if the event fails, he leaves, and Ziya promises to find him again). The Commander offers Ziya the chance to join the fight against Kralkatorik, which she eagerly accepts. There's an achievement or two dedicated to learning more about Vemyen and Ziya's history, where it's revealed Vemyen was fascinated by humans, and liked collecting their coins and pressed flowers. Ziya dedicates herself to Vemyen's memory by helping the humans that so fascinated him.

Given Ziya and Vemyen's story are one of the most recent interactions involving the Commander and djinn, and the eventual Key of Ahdashim raid showing the Commander actively ended up helping all djinn when the flow of the city's power is shared among all djinn, here's to hoping that the Commander, and others, stopped seeing them as common enemies and servants and now see the value in helping them like all the other races in Tyria.

Also there is some chance that the boost in energy from Ahdashim helped calm Zohaqan down, and eased Ellutherius'memory loss.

The Tragic Love Story of Zohaqan & Nakis, or: a rant about the unnecessarily lonely tormented grief of the storm djinn and how to fix his broken heart

So yesterday I finished reading one of the best long fanfictions I've ever found. If you are interested, here is the link. But by the gods, it made me sad that ANet never continued the story of this canon inter-species homosexual couple.

Down below, I put my own ideas on how their story could end.

But to provide the context:

A powerful male djinn lived on mainland Elona, around the Elon Riverlands. He was not only attuned to one element, as most djinns are, but to three: water, air, and earth. His name was Zohaqan.

Some unknown time before the beginning of the events of Living World Season 4, he fell in love with a male human. His name was Nakis.

Something or, more probably, someone, made the Riverlands undesirable, maybe even dangerous for them. And so, from their dilemma, we have one letter, which Zohaqan left in a cave:

"My darling Nakis, my tender Nakis, my clever Nakis…you're right. Let's go. We'll flee tomorrow."

Eventually, they found their new home on the eastern coast of the northern Sandswept isle. There, they left their own marking. They burnt an image of themselves into a tree on the beach. With it, also their initials, Z + N, in a heart.

Their happy life wouldn't last long, though.

The nearby Inquest somehow managed to capture Nakis.

And eventually killed him, presumably during experiments in Rata Primus.

Poor Nakis's prayer beads would later be found inside the main complex. It is not known how Zohaqan learned of his death. Maybe he stormed the facility Nakis was being held in and found him dead there, most probably from experiments on the scarab plague. Or killed by a mutated specimen. Or turned into a corrupted subject himself. Or maybe, given how magical djinns are, Zohaqan just felt it.

But it is definite that it absolutely broke the powerful djinn. By the time the Commander made it to the islands, Zohaqan had turned mercilessly hateful towards all mortals. In his deep grief, he created large violent storms that threatened everyone on the islands. This is known in the game as the "Gathering Storms" meta event.

Blinded by rage and sorrow, he didn't let anyone near his cave which was very close to his and Nakis's tree.

During the meta event, he would scream:

"There shall be no mercy for your trespass!"

"Heartless fools! You will pay in blood!"

"You mortals feign civility, yet speak nothing but treachery and lies!"

The Stormcaller, as he was nicknamed, was confronted in his own cave at the end of the meta event.

One of the last things he said before he was defeated was:

"They stole from me, and now you barge in here with empty demands? You know nothing! You ARE nothing!"

Some Olmakhan say he was destroyed for good. Some say he is powerful enough to return and continue his grief-stricken rage. Depending on how you understand the canon or non-canon repeating of the meta event, anything could be true.

Either way, his story never had any real closure.

Zohaqan either died alone and was metaphorically spat on, with no memorial or grave for either him or Nakis.

Or, he is now stuck in a loop of living in tormenting grief, getting beaten to a pulp, laying dormant for a while, and then living in grief again. And that's such a horrible horrible fate.

The Commander helped Efi, an Olmakhan cub, with her grief of losing her mother.

I'm asking: Why nobody helped Zohaqan?

Much worse people than him have been redeemed and forgiven in this game's story...

Why not him? He deserves it just as much.

Now finally to the theories and my ideas on what to do next:

First things first, we don't know what exactly happened to Nakis. Or where his body is. However, the closest we have to a hint is what I mentioned about him getting turned into a corrupted subject himself. And I could be simply reading too much into this, but: in the southern meta event of the Sandswept Isles, you fight in The Specimen Chamber. Two out of six possible mutated bosses spawn, all of them results of experiments with Elder Dragon magic.

Five of them have names. The last one is simply "Subject Beta".

Subject Beta is a Branded. A male human Branded.

You already know what I am hinting at...

Moving on, there is one more object related to Zohaqan. Under certain circumstances, one of the drops from the event where you defeat him is called "Smashed Vase". Its description says "A small vase, reminiscent of work from Vabbi."

Could it be what Zohaqan was bound to after he and Nakis fled the mainland? If so, does it mean smashing the vase released Zohaqan's spirit all over the islands? Or was the vase smashed before the event?

Lastly, how to fix Zohaqan's broken spirit?

As I mentioned, he is a very powerful djinn. I have never encountered any djinn in the game who could command two elements, let alone three. An Olmakhan elder also thinks that he's powerful enough to come back and return to his mad rampage.

But I do not blame him in the slightest for mourning in such a violent way.

Zohaqan should be redeemed and mainly, given his peace.

Who knows how long the djinns live? How deep their love can go?

However, he sure is suffering alone.

And I wish he wasn't. I wish the writers looked at his story again and gave him a proper closure.

He deserves it.

I, personally, can see three ways this could potentially go in the future:

1: Zohaqan joins the Olmakhan and/or fights with us to destroy the Inquest for good

A friend of mine got me thinking about this, and honestly, it's perfect. Zohaqan is an elemental being. He's commanding entire storms. He shouldn't have to be necessarily human enough to better avoid conflict and soul-rotting revenge at all costs.

But instead of blind rage, he could have taken the years since the second episode of season 4 to calm down just a little and finally not be an enemy of the Olmakhan. I am sure they would be understanding enough to accept him. Instead of putting the innocent in danger, he could finally, after all those years, have a goal, an ambition now: take revenge on the ones who brutally murdered his love, not on simply everybody near.

Zohaqan is voiced by Tommie Earl Jenkins, who voiced Blish, Cloudseeker, or the Wolverine Spirit. That being said, quite recent characters. Shouldn't be that big of a stretch to have him return to this role, too, no?

Still. The Inquest are one of the few major enemy groups that haven't been dealt with yet. It'll surely need quite a big story arc to destroy them for good. The Commander will need all the help they can get.

Why not the Olmakhan, still mourning their lost ones, together with Zohaqan, the heartbroken yet mighty and powerful three-elemental djinn, with revenge on his mind?

After he finally sees the Inquest are no more, he could consider Nakis avenged. And could finally move on with his life as not a threat to everybody around him, though still forever scarred.

2: Zohaqan puts up a fight one last time and is finally and definitely put out of his misery

The saddest of the three ideas.

We did not get any definite answer to what happened to Zohaqan after the end of the meta event. So, even if the writers want him dead and never redeemed, why not make it final?

Just destroy him to the point where his soul simply ceases to be, as the djinns seem to work in the way I assume.

That's better than living in centuries of torment.

3: Zohaqan and Nakis find peace in the afterlife, somehow

I doubt the djinns have an afterlife when they die. They're basically sentient elementals, after all. And though they have souls, could they be ghosts? Have there ever been ghost djinns in either of the two games? I don't think so.

But humans do have an afterlife either in the Underworld or as ghosts in the mortal realm.

Couldn't Zohaqan somehow find a way to the Mists? Or couldn't Nakis's spirit-ghost somehow be bounded to his and Zohaqan's tree so he could be with him for centuries?

If Belinda could infuse herself into Marjory's katana, why can't Nakis stay bound to the tree and use its life essence to be able to communicate and move around, too?

Would that even be possible if, given the worst-case scenario, Nakis's spirit is still trapped in the Domain of the Lost?

____

And this is the end of my rambling essay. I'm very emotional about these two poor guys as they have been my perhaps favorite queer GW2 couple ever since I learned about them a year or two ago.

Their love was so unexpected, so rare. Yet they decided to live so far away from their homes just to be together.

Only to be torn apart by violent death.

And only to have almost zero backstory, no definite answer as to what happened to the bereaved, and no answer to whether the spirit of the dead one is already in peace in the Underworld, or not.

I hope these two will get a closure sometime.

[cartoonrival]

/rp

ok so i’ll admit ponk’s response and comments to sam today surprised me, but looking back it actually fits perfectly?

from the start, from when sam first cut off ponk’s arm, ponk repeatedly says things that all boil down to “this isn’t you. you aren’t yourself right now.”

“Do you not see what the prison is doing to you Sam? Look at yourself! This isn’t the Sam I know.”

and

“You say you have an issue being controlled by the egg and whatnot. Is the prison not controlling you? Huh? Is it not? Can you not see yourself being controlled?”

ponk compares the prison to the egg, which they have direct experience with, and how it makes them do bad things they wouldn’t normally do, how they lose control of their own mind and actions. the egg literally and supernaturally possesses the people who come in close contact with it, but ponk is so sure sam is still good and the sam that ponk loves is still there that they see it fit to compare their relationship with the egg to sam’s relationship with the prison. ponk never believed that sam was too far gone.

today, ponk brings up her missing arm, and after sam grows casually defensive, ponk pauses, looks directly at sam, and says,

“Just so you know, just so you know. You can come to me, after... after everything. I will still support you Sam! Okay? You’ll have a place to stay. Because... all the wrong you’ve done is gonna catch up behind you, you know? All the wrong you’ve done.”

again, ponk isn’t saying that sam is forgiven. what she is saying is that everything that sam is going to go through as a result of the bad things he did to ponk will be enough for ponk to consider them even. and, because ponk believes that the sam she loves is still there, just buried deep under, from ponk’s perspective, god knows what happens in that prison, she offers her support when the time comes.

sam, of course, who is still confident he is in the right, dismisses ponk’s offer.

Sam: “I haven’t really done anything wrong.”

Ponk: “Haven’t you? Haven’t you?”

Sam: “No. I think I’m a good guy.”

Ponk: “You think you’re a good person?”

Sam: “I don’t know, you don’t think I’m a good person?”

Ponk: “I— I mean... my opinions are biased.”

here, not only does ponk decline to answer whether or not he still thinks sam is a good person, he also declines to argue with sam over whether or not sam has done anything wrong. ponk is very firm in his belief in karma; sam will get his comeuppance, but not yet. and when it does come, ponk knows it will hit hard, so there’s no use in attempting to sway him now before he’s ready.

ponk isn’t afraid to bring up their missing arm or make jabs at sam, sometimes even mocking how serious he is about the prison, but they never push it to the point of argument, because it isn’t time for sam to learn yet. the karma from his own actions coming back at him will teach him more than anything ponk could do.

[dyhayc]

Perfect Pair

Pairing: President!Loki x f!Reader (angst, hurt/comfort kinda??)

Summary: The reader finds comfort in President Loki’s presence after her own Loki has died. (This is a soulmate AU)

Word Count: 3k

Warnings: Major character death, suicidal ideals, violence (it’s not very graphic), very slight canon divergence (I changed a quote from the original Avengers movie)

A/N: Hello! Welcome to my first post lol, I hope you enjoy. This was supposed to be ~800 words long, but apparently President Loki has me weak. Additionally, this oneshot is written in a very specific way, so stick around till the end to see what I did! :-)

Nothing. So many emotions she expected to feel, and yet when the time came there was nothing. It almost felt like time itself had stopped; like it derived sick pleasure from this moment of emptiness. The strangled scream of his brother, the thud of his body, the crunch of glass, the metallic clink of stone on gold, the spear digging into her back. All of it felt miles away, like she had created a bubble to shield from the pain, like nothing could break her stone-cold character.

This was to be expected, of course. The death of a soulmate came with a certain emptiness. Soulmates are a duo, a perfect pair. To lose one… it creates a hole in your heart, leaving only a part of the whole. Confusing and convoluted, dizzying and disorienting, absent and…

Angry.

The feeling hits hard. It raises an unquenchable fire in her chest, a rage burning so bright it surpasses feeling and manifests in an unsettlingly calm, collected demeanor. Well, calm save for the powerful wisps of light gathering at her fingertips, volatile and vengeful.

The magic easily bursts, a forceful blast knocking back everyone but the mad titan who struggles to stay on his feet. He recovers and attacks, but each blow does little to stop the wisps wrapping around his arm. They creep up, grabbing hold of the gauntlet, of the space stone, of the reason Loki was dead. Just thinking of his face brings another wave of anger, her sorcery bending to her will.

A satisfying snap brings her back to the present. The once-proud man cries out and squirms under her unrelenting grip. Truthfully, she hadn’t meant to break his arm, but the unadulterated rush of adrenaline it gave her was enough to temporarily push away the sustained sting of her soulmate’s death.

Just as she opens her mouth to speak, to let her wrath be heard, she’s interrupted by yellow rectangles, opaque and opening on both her sides. Halting a few feet away; six men total walk through, armed with measly sticks compared to her arsenal of pain.

“Sorceress, stop your magic and put your hands in the air now!”

A reasonable request, but she’s so far past reasonable. Dropping Thanos’ arm, she turns to the cluster on her right. She looks down on them, agitated they’d even try to interrupt her revenge.

Grabbing one’s ankle with a projection of her hand, she’s able to sweep all three off their feet before they can stop her. The half that is still standing react swiftly, holding their odd weapons in front of their bodies defensively as they advance.

Interestingly, out of all the chaos and people in the room, a child of Thanos halts their movements. Ebony Maw, furious at the sorceress for causing his twisted father’s pain, raises his hands and summons pieces of metal. They swirl, delicately dancing in the air, gathering to form deadly, dangerous shrapnel.

Just as he opens his mouth to speak, to let his wrath be heard, he’s interrupted with a yellow kiss of death. The end of the soldier’s staff connects with Ebony Maw’s neck. A myriad of bright colours consumes him whole, all the pieces he’d gathered falling to the ground with dull metallic thuds.

The display alone is enough to halt her movements, a soft and shocked gasp leaving her mouth. The pause leaves her vulnerable, allowing one of the men she knocked over to attach a collar around her neck from behind.

The rest of the day was a blur, the only constant was the crushing ache in her chest. At least, while she was in battle, she was distracted from the overwhelming sense of loss. But now? Nothing could stop the bottomless well, not even her own pride, as the tears created a pitiful path wherever she went.

Throughout every empty task she silently cried, it didn’t matter what it was. Changing clothing, taking tickets, filling forms, traversing “temporal aura” scanners, until finally… it stopped. There was nothing left, no tears to cry, just a blank far-off gaze glued to the ground. Now in a courtroom, she couldn’t even look up as she walked to the stand.

“Guilty,” she spoke, before anything arbitrary could be said to her.

“Are you sure? I haven’t even presented your case yet, Variant.” The statement was nice enough, but the judge’s tired tone spoke louder than her words. She didn’t really care at all.

“Just murder me.”

No more words needed to be exchanged. The guard, obediently watching from the side, stepped forward. She wasn’t quite sure when he touched her with the staff, but the buzzing energy overtaking her body felt like home. Like the electric hum of a soulmate. She closed her eyes and basked in the feeling, silently praying to the Allfather that she may be reunited with her lost love in death.

“Trust is for children and dogs.”

Once, she had heard Loki say this to the Avengers. It was a long time ago, or at least it felt like it was. That day in 2012 when she realized he was her other half, when she recoiled at his pessimistic and suspicious statement, upset she was bound to a madman.

A mere six years later and her views completely flipped, his cynical sentiment resonating deeply within her soul. She knows now that Loki wasn’t a madman; misguided and underappreciated more closely described what he truly was underneath the mask of superiority.

He was underappreciated and misguided by his father. His father. She should have known better, putting her trust in him. The Allfather did not care when his son was alive, why would he care about his son’s soulmate while she was suffering? She was not a child and she was not a dog, yet she allowed herself to foolishly hope she would see Loki again.

Sighing deeply at her naïveté she allows herself a moment to lie on the grass and listen to the sounds of decimation and destruction through closed eyes. When she does open them, she’s met with a clear sky occupied by a large smoke monster that’s gnawing on a skyscraper-like it’s a bone.

Scoffing at the absurd scene above her, she decides to do what she does best: push down her feelings, pretend they don’t exist, and survive this mess. Now standing, she becomes acutely aware of the uncomfortable grey jumpsuit she’d been given in the TVA. Using her magic she changes to something that suits her better.

A long dress, dark green in colour and made of pure silk chiffon, adorned with the finest gold and emeralds. The straps aren’t fabric, but rather two golden flat snake chains. Another of her favourite features was the two thigh slits, raised provocatively high. The best part of the outfit, however, is the circlet.

Gold and glimmering, it commands attention. The delicate twists of gold are expertly crafted to hold precious gemstones in their proper place. Not to mention the sly snake that is hidden within the bends of metal, a vain attempt to feel closer to a god that was so far away.

It is the perfect outfit. She should know, she had been the one to design it, to collect all the materials, to even watch over the craftsmen as they made her ideal ensemble. Everything about it was created to give her power and poise.

At least, that’s what she tells herself. It’s all a lie. She had meticulously managed the creation of the outfit for a different reason. The soft brush of the cool fabric against her skin as she walks is soothing, it reminds her of the first time their fingers brushed. The colour of the dress and emeralds is comforting, it’s an exact match to the green of his “fine Agardian leather”. Everything about it was created to give her recollection of him.

Beginning her trek, she summons a staff. It was made by the same craftsmen, its purpose was to be aggressive and assertive. If she used it in battle it would most likely break, but the confidence it brings alongside the outfit is intoxicating. Unsure of where she’s going, or where she even is, she doesn’t show it. Instead, she walks as if she’s been here a thousand times. Like it’s her glorious purpose.

A lot of time passes as she ventures through empty fields. The only differences in her surroundings are the destroyed debris, rusted metal, and faded colours. It’s a very depressing sight. Stopping on top of a hill to check her surroundings, she sees three people walking a beaten path down below. They obviously see her as well and turn to talk amongst themselves.

“Silence!” she commands with a swift motion of her staff. They quiet themselves immediately and turn towards her, much to her pleasure.

She looks down on them, the message clear: she is the one in charge here. A small smirk of arrogance finds its way on her face as she speaks again, “Who are you?”

They turn towards each other, unsure who would speak first. One of the three steps forward, he’s wearing a full suit of chainmail armour and a helmet that has two horns attached. Even with his astoundingly impenetrable defense, he hesitantly answers her question, “Um… well we’re Lokis. And uh, you’re a- well you’re a Y/N.”

Her gaze flits downward, then up again, sizing up the men before she walks down to their level. Each step closer creates a dull hum, something like the forceful feeling Loki caused. Well, her Loki.

The group of men look nothing like him, not even close. One, of course, is wearing chainmail, another has old rusty pipes on his head as well as scarce pieces of rusted armour, and the last is wearing a pair of overalls and a straw hat with woven horns on the brim. None of them are wearing clothing fit for a prince of Asgard, so she demands, “Explain.”

The second man, the walking, talking, tetanus hazard, chimes in, “You’re a variation of Y/N, there are multiple across the so-called “sacred timeline.” Shouldn’t you have learned all this from the TVA?”

She pauses to consider his words. The buzz now makes sense, and even confirms they’re telling the truth. Technically, these men are her soulmates, which means they would all create similar energy to her Loki. Duller, but still present.

“I did not listen to a worthless word the TVA said.”

The third man, the calm and collected farmer, slowly nods while crossing his arms, “Yea sounds ‘bout right. You look like the type a’ variant who acted out and got pruned ‘fore you even got t’the courts. Why don’tcha come with us? It’s much better than Alioth up there, I’ll tell ya that. We even have a few Y/Ns, as well as a Loki variant I’m sure you’d love t’meet.”

Softly sighing, she gives a curt nod and follows the three Lokis. She was glad they walked in silence, allowing ample time for her to push the emotions bubbling up in her chest all the way down. How was she supposed to say that she didn’t know why she was here or who she was in the grand scheme of things because she had been crying her eyes out?

Finally, after a long trek, the group makes it to their base. The second it comes into view, her eyebrows furrow in confusion. It’s the white house. Granted, it’s pretty roughed up. That’s most likely because of the smoking sky lizard, but it’s still recognizable.

Two Loki variants open the double doors for her as the third guides her through. The previously loud conversation drops to hushed murmurs. She basks in the attention, astonished whispers only add to her exaggerated confidence.

There are many Lokis and Y/Ns present in the room, all staring at her. She makes it a point to not look at any of them directly as she follows farmer Loki. While the two others catch up, she overhears some of the things being voiced about her.

“A new Y/N variant? She seems drastically different from the others.”

“Did her Loki become king? She looks royal and radiant.”

The electrifying energy of the gathered Lokis and the praise they give her is invigorating. In the same way, it gives her strength and it gives her sadness. All of these men, yet the signature soulmate buzz can’t even begin to compare to him. It’s disappointing. Disheartening.

Again, the two Lokis open double doors. Farmer Loki bows then motions to her, “A new Y/N, we found ‘er during rounds.” President Loki is sprawled lazily over his makeshift throne, made of scrap metal, an old office chair, and many other odd objects.

His throne isn’t what catches her eye, it’s his eyes. His face. It knocks the air out of her lungs, forcing her to freeze and recover. With a small wave of his hand, the three Lokis leave and shut the door behind them.

He looks down on her, the message clear: he is the one in charge here. His presence is commanding, compelling. It’s obvious just being in the same room as him that he’s in control. She can’t help but let out a soft chuckle devoid of emotion. Maybe it’s pure shock, maybe it’s because he’s viciously tearing open a very fresh wound just by existing, she doesn’t know.

“You look just like him,” she whispers, tears gathering in her eyes as her voice wavers. Walking forward, she stops halfway to his throne trying to check herself if he’s real. In the back of her mind, she’s barely able to recognize that as she walks further away from the room of Lokis the buzz stays consistent.

Finally breaking eye contact with him, her gaze drifts downwards and catches on his ridiculous pin. This time her laugh is louder and more genuine, though that isn’t saying much, as she softly smiles and blinks away her tears, “President?” The hum is more noticeable now that her emotions aren’t clouding her mind.

He straightens in his throne, sitting up to look down on her with dark interest. A spark of something undefinable flashes in his glittering green eyes. A cocky grin spreads on his face as he inquires, “What? You don’t like it?” She only smiles in response.

Face falling to a neutral expression, she asks, “May I come closer?” Another flash of something shines in his eyes as he practically purrs an affirmative. As she walks right up to him, the electricity between them is undeniable. Her magic swiftly stashes away her staff so it won’t get in the way.

Loki looks down at her left hip, not bothering to conceal the obvious glance. She, in turn, hooks her left pointer finger into the apex of the slit in her dress and pulls up. Interested in his reaction, she watches his breath hitch when she pulls up far enough to show her mark. “It’s black and white,” he simply remarks.

“Yes. The day I properly met my soulmate was the same day he was taken from me. He never got the chance to touch my mark,” she affirmed, letting go of the dress.

After a long pause, his eyes move back up to meet hers. He’s still blunt as he asks, “What was your nexus event?”

Lightly, she shakes her head, “My what?”

He continues with a scoff, “Why are you here? What did you do to offend the almighty ‘sacred space lizards’?”

She growls, gritting her teeth and clenching her fists, “Thanos killed Loki. I got angry, I lost control. I guess he was supposed to kill me instead,” she pauses to shake her head again and take a deep breath, “My only regret is that I snapped his arm and not his neck.”

He seems to be impressed by her words, watching magic wisp and curl off her hands. She relaxes and opens them, looking down as she turns her palms to face him. He reaches out and grabs her right wrist, running his thumb over her vein to feel her racing pulse. His action sends a jolt so sudden that she flinches in his grasp.

“I’ve never met a Y/N quite like you. Stay.” She raises her gaze from his hold on her wrist to his eyes. It isn’t a request and she knows it. All of this, the confidence and arrogance; it’s all false no matter what she does to pretend or convince herself otherwise. She also knows the true meaning behind his words, to stay is to be dedicated to this Loki.

Still looking into his eyes she says yes. Instantly in response, he tugs on her wrist to pull her in his lap. She lands sideways, legs falling messily over the side of his throne. He lets go of her wrist, wrapping his hand around her waist and resting his other hand on her thigh.

Instinctively, she leans her head against his shoulder, allowing her eyes to flutter closed as she tries desperately to calm her racing heart. It’s odd how he’s so demanding and cold yet she respects him all the same. A nagging question still lingers in her mind, however, so she decides to ask hoping he won’t hate her for it.

“What was she like?” He’s a smart man. He knows what she’s asking.

“She was a brat. Mouthy, defiant, disobedient, and could never listen to my orders. I hated her.”

She sits still for a moment, considering her options. She could leave now and seek out Alioth in hopes that she’ll be reunited with her love in Hel or she could stay with this Loki and hope he’ll provide for her what she can provide for him. Making her final decision, she leans up to his ear. She makes sure her lips gently graze his skin to whisper, “I’ll be good.”

He immediately pulls her closer by the waist, gripping onto her thigh tighter making his nails dig slightly into her skin. Tilting his head down, he almost mockingly coos, “Oh, I’m sure you will be darling.” But, was it the right choice? She’ll know soon enough.

After all, trust is for children and dogs.

------

A/N: Well, this is certainly not what I expected my first real post to be. I have some other already written fanfics (about Zemo mostly) that I’ve been holding onto because I was waiting for the perfect moment/the confidence but I fell in love with all 24 seconds of President Loki so…

Anyways! If you look back on the entire piece you’ll see that every paragraph has a “perfect pair”. Perfect pairs are two words that start with the same letter (excluding “the”) and can only be separated by a conjunction or comma (The only exception to this rule is the line “Trust is for children and dogs”).

I also took this a step farther and repeated four lines twice, once with the reader and Ebony Maw, a second time with the dress, a third with the reader and President Loki, and a fourth with Loki’s line about trust. Can you tell my favourite literary device is repetition? My normal writing doesn’t use this much repetition, however. I did this to emphasize the whole soulmate thing, seeing as soulmates are a duality and all!

Since this is my first time posting my writing I’d love it if people could comment/reblog and tell me what you liked and what I can change (constructive criticism, please). I’m very new to writing character-based pieces, up until a few months ago I focused mainly on worldbuilding so this is a definite change for me! :-)

My last post took a few days to actually show up in the tags so hopefully this one actually shows up on the day I post it, rip

[sinfulwrites]

Things I noticed about Asa Emory and the distinct differences between The Collector and The Collection, spoiler warning if you haven't seen those movies.

Asa Emory seems to be a completely different person depending on the movie. In the first one, he seems a lot more, almost inexperienced than in the second movie. He is still very well versed in making traps, that never changes (thought it absolutely improves in the second movie), but how he fights and how stalks people down is completely different.

First thing I noticed, Asa depends on knives a lot more in combat in the first movie than the second one, and he's very clearly inexperienced in hand to hand combat at this point, and very heavily relies on weapons to give him the upper hand. This is a very distinct difference from the second film, where Asa seems to be trained in combat, judging from how he moves in his last fight with Arkin and Lucello. While he still used weapons, he very clearly could do by without them.

Another change is his very distinct behavior between both films. Asa very openly displays annoyance when the victims start making noise, as evidence by him kicking the trunk when the man inside starts making noise, and how he stitches a woman's mouth shut for screaming. The way Asa moves is also very different between movies. Asa runs around and jumps around from place to place in the first film, he crouches around and stalks from the shadows until he's spotted, while he is still cunning enough to trick an officer into being attacked by his dog, he also falls victim to his own trap near the end of the movie and shrieks in pain. In comparison to the second film, where he always seems calm and collected, walks around in a slow, leisurely pace, we hardly hear him make a noise in the second movie. If memory serves me right, I don't think he even made much sound when he was lit on fire.

(Tw, the use of the f slur)

Another difference is their temper. In the second film, Asa could not be taunted into fighting Arkin no matter what he said, he simply smiled in his face before lighting the string so they would all burn to the death. In the first film? Interestingly enough, he reacts to the slur "faggot." Actually stopping in his tracks and retaliating against Arkin for it. This just opens a book for so many questions. Is he a repressed homosexual? Is he hiding in the closet? Did someone in his life growing up use that term to berate him? Personally, I would say it looks like he's in the closet, and he's there because someone in his life made it very clear that being gay was not okay. He's definitely attracted by both genders, evidence pointing to when he licked his lips while watching a girl start to have sex with her boyfriend in the kitchen. He's probably bisexual, but he's trying to keep it in the closet, most likely due to some homophobic parents if I had to guess.

He also purrs in the first movie. He purrs, he pants like an animal, and he also growls. In comparison to the second movie, where the most we hear him do is shush people and he even talks at the end, but it should be noted that he can still be heard growling in the heat of the moment.

There are very distinct differences between the movies, one he is a more animalistic hunter, while the other he's more of an experienced fighter. And if I honestly had to pick, I kind of prefer the first one.

Don't get me wrong, watching him kick down that door with a gun and two dogs in tow is badass, and watching him fight two men on his own and nearly win does it for the loins, but watching him stalk around completely unhinged and almost feral like is almost more fitting for his character honestly.

Now the argument could easily be made that Asa is just more comfortable in the second film, because we're in this hotel, his play house. But honestly, I don't even think that's a strong enough argument to explain the distinct differences.

Maybe he just toughened up between both films, learned more combat since then, I dunno. But the differences are definitely there and are definitely worth noting in my opinion.

If I had to pick one I liked, it's 100% the one from the first movie. He seems so much more unpredictable, and his purring really does it for me 🥴 Imagine him grabbing your chin and making you look at him while doing that sexy purr...

I dunno, I just wanted to babble for a little bit about these movies. I'm trying to get a better grasp for his character, and after watching both films, I think my writing will better capture his behavior in the first film more than the second one.

What do you guys think?

[kodzumie-archived]

❝FIRST TIME❞

Synopsis; What their first time would be like.

Featuring; Kokichi Oma, Mikan Tsumiki, and Nagito Komaeda x GN! Reader

Warning(s); (N)SFW, loss of virginity, submissive characters, experienced reader, implications of previous sexual abuse (Mikan), and established relationship.

➤ KOKICHI OMA

⤷ Due to his playful and joking demeanor, his first time would be alleviated of the tension it could’ve potentially had, easing him into the moment.

⤷ He’s likely to crack a joke or two. It’s not much but it’s certainly enough for him to feel comfortable amidst such a foreign intimacy.

⤷ Truth be told, he’s nervous; so very nervous and blinded with anxiety. But he’d never tell you that, and if you attempt to gauge the truth you’ll merely be smothered with an array of lies; he’s never going to admit it.

⤷ Despite his inner turmoil and anxieties, his visage appears collected to you. As a liar, he’ll go through hell and back in order to make sure he looks capable of what he’s doing.

⤷ Though his façade surprisingly dissipates once he’s the one being pleasured. As you run your fingers along his body, cascading further until you reach his most sensitive of areas, his expression will contort to that of distress laced with curiosity.

⤷ A curiosity that you indulge in as though you were sipping the delicacy of a mere cocktail; flushing yourself with the remanence of such a sugary drink.

⤷ He’d originally claimed that as the Ultimate Supreme Leader, of course, he’d had sex before!

⤷ And truthfully, you didn’t bother to disprove his claims. After all, you acknowledged that if he didn’t want to admit it, that was fine. Just like it was fine if he was being truthful of having experience.

⤷ But from the way he falls apart under your hypnotic grasp, your fist clasping over his cock and pumping him at a moderate pace, spreading the precum the crown oozed along his shaft, you began to suspect yet another fib from the infamous liar.

⤷ Interestingly enough, he’s sensitive; so very sensitive. Every ghost of touch will leave him gasping and whining feverishly for more; for an abundance of your love and carnal care.

⤷ Kokichi is a vocal individual. He’s never been known for being the quiet type. He’s a bustling radiance of pure, unhindered chaos, and this doesn’t change from within the sheets either.

⤷ Grunts and groans are only uttered from between his lips when he still gives enough of a shit to hide his sounds, biting his bottom lip to suppress his pathetically voiced ecstasy.

⤷ But once you both truly start getting more into it, he begins to lose himself in the pleasure. Ghostly touches turned into hungry—no, starved—grasps and squeezes. Fleeting kisses of delicate desire now suckle of lips and teeth against each other’s skin as you’re both plunged into the unmistakable clutches of lust.

⤷ His grunts melt into moans; the very same moans that bounce against the walls of your shared bedroom and dissolve into breathless pleas; pleads to go faster, harder.

⤷ His front as the Ultimate Supreme Leader is long forgotten as he succumbs to his wants—his needs—shamelessly begging for more; begging for your touches.

⤷ His pride was swallowed long ago, long before you bucked your hips, pushing him closer and closer towards his climax. His sobs, moans, and whines flooding your ears as he practically sang your name as though it were a mantra.

⤷ Whatever dominance he attempted to display had been long-forgotten as he writhed from beneath you, peering up at you with a clouded gaze. Curses of fuck, fuck, fuck as he was driven to the edge, crying out as he came.

⤷ If you thought he was sensitive during your session, then the aftershock of his first shared orgasm had left him seeing stars at every minuscule movement.

⤷ He looked the most fragile you’d ever seen him as he stuttered out a yelp as you assisted him in cleaning up. A blush residing on his cheeks—flushed countenance—as he watched you with a swirl of newfound love in his eyes.

⤷ If you invested further attention to the way his lips contorted into a warm, sincere smile, it’d have proven fatal to your heart; melting your composure as you peered at his gentle expression, one that was reserved solely for you.

➤ MIKAN TSUMIKI

⤷ It’ll take a while for her to engage in such a thing, honestly. She’s incredibly hesitant and overthinks every possibility of how she could ruin the moment, giving you yet another reason why her pitiful self was not worth your time.

⤷ Not to mention that most of her presumptions on sex have been based on trauma involving sexual experiences.

⤷ She’s terrified, not only from how she could possibly upset you with her clumsy antics and inexperience but from the act itself. She’s afraid to be so vulnerable. To be laid bare in front of you was enough to spike her anxieties.

⤷ She trusts you, she swears she does. But she doesn’t trust herself to be so exposed. Her view of herself tainted with insecurity and constant doubt.

⤷ Fear is instilled in her as the haunting thought of being not enough; failing to meet your expectations. She knows she shouldn’t think this, you’ve told her countless times that she’s more than enough for you.

⤷ But the thoughts don’t diminish that easily, a lesson she’s had to painfully bear as each degrading thought pierces through her heart with malicious intent.

⤷ It’s a constant turmoil between wanting to swallow back the bile of self-doubt and insecurity to pursue your mutual wants, but the chains of fear are almost unbreakable. Almost.

⤷ Because one day, what started out as nothing more than a make-out session had resulted in discarded clothing, suckling of skin, and lust-filled gazes.

⤷ Everything was a blurred array of desire and haste. Feverish kisses to muffle needy whines as things progressed so fast.

⤷ She wanted this, she really did. But as your hands began to wander down, familiarizing yourself with her body through playful, teasing squeezes, she couldn’t help the anxiety that resurfaced.

⤷ Would you be satisfied with what she has to offer? Would she be able to please you? What if she hurts you? What if you end up hurting her? But you wouldn’t do that, would you? What if she—

⤷ Her train of thoughts is interrupted by the sound of your voice, tethering her back to reality where your concerned gaze meets her as you ask her if she wants to continue.

⤷ She expected disappointment, she expected even the possibility of anger within your gaze and words. But she found no such thing. Rather, she found worry; concern; genuine care for her wellbeing.

⤷ It wasn’t much, a simple question and the interlocking of eyes. Yet, strangely enough, her hammering heart seemed to calm as her anxious thoughts stilled.

⤷ Perhaps it was the realization that you really cared for her that eased her worries. But regardless, she felt considerably stable than when she did moments prior. Her shaky hands managing to steady themselves as she gripped your shoulders with a timid smile, admitting she’d like to continue.

⤷ You didn’t return to your ministrations for a moment, instead, you peer into her eyes in search of doubt. But once you found none and felt assured that she truly did want this, you pressed your lips against hers for a delicate kiss; whispering an I love you against her.

⤷ Mikan’s heart nearly melted as she smiled, feeling so unbelievably calmed with the most minimal of reassurances. It’s truly one of the millions of reasons she loves you so much; you can ease her worries with such skill she’s convinced you’re the Ultimate Stress Reliever.

⤷ You peppered her body with kisses, following up with a swipe of your tongue and a suckle to mark your claim; the bruises forming scattered bringing a greater flush to her cheeks.

⤷ Her pleas were muffled as she attempted to silence her moans in fear of releasing a sound that you weren’t pleased with.

⤷ But you’re quick to notice what she’s attempting to do and you settle your domineering gaze upon her, the dark glint in your eyes nearly pulling another moan from her, one that she quickly swallowed back. Yet you protested, assuring her that you want to hear her.

⤷ She apologizes, an apology you didn’t allow to be voiced as you bite against her sensitive area, to which her apology was cut off by a yelp.

⤷ Though you eased the bite as you swiped your tongue over the mark, kissing it softly as an unspoken sorry.

⤷ Mikan couldn’t help being so vocal. Every kiss, every suck, every touch, every word muttered forced some sort of sound to spill from her lips. Squeaks, mewls, moans, and even sobs.

⤷ The symphony she provides within the bedroom was one that she assumed she’d be shamed for. Yet you did no such thing. No matter what, you continuously go against the horrors she presumes and shower her in endless bounds of affection.

⤷ Even whispering a sultry you sound so pretty into her ears before brushing your thumb over her clit, drawing out yet another raspy mewl that you claim to adore.

⤷ In the heat of the moment, you smothered her with your praise and care as you made sure she understood the extent to which you loved her; to which you adored her.

⤷ So much so, that she faintly giggles in remembrance of how nervous she was before doing this with you; before indulging in such a lewd act with you.

⤷ But as you’ve always proved to her, any moment shared with you is one to remember; one to cherish.

⤷ And as the two of you approach your oncoming climax together, she smiles through her moans as the bubbling of euphoria erupts within her heart; at that moment, she couldn’t be happier.

➤ NAGITO KOMAEDA

⤷ He’s beyond hesitant; reluctance paints his every move as though he were nothing more than a canvas doused in hues of doubt.

⤷ Despite whether or not he’d been yearning to engage in this sort of intimacy with you, he wouldn’t dare initiate it. His faltering in pursuit due to his negative views of himself.

⤷ He genuinely believes that you don’t want anything to do with him and that touching his worthless, filthy body would disgust you so unfathomably. He fears your rejection, and thus he avoids any possibility of it; he thinks he was already pushing his luck to be in a relationship with you.

⤷ Therefore, you were the one to bring it up to him. You’d asked him of whether or not he’s experienced; if whether or not he’s ever shared an intimacy such as that with another.

⤷ But this question tugged him into a fog of self-pity and humorless amusement. He’d strung together a tangent on how it’d be a miracle if anyone would want to do something like that with scum like him.

⤷ Of course, you weren’t going to allow your lover to put himself down like this. Going back and forth, you continuously declined his claims stating that anyone to do something like that with him would be so lucky.

⤷ At that, he finds something; a flicker. Perhaps it was a flicker of hope that’d planted a seed within his roots of doubt; hope that maybe—just maybe—you’d want to commit such an erotic act with him.

⤷ But he didn’t allow his hope to seep into his words, instead, he cast his gaze towards his lap, falling silent.

⤷ It was then that amidst the silence you had decided that enough was enough, and the amount of stalling you’d done on asking him was ludicrous in contrast to how the two of you were so keen on communication within your relationship.

⤷ Your words hung in the air as a drawn-out mutter, your voiced innermost wants seeping into the atmosphere as you avoided his gaze; would you ever want to do it with me?

⤷ The moment he registered your words, he choked on his spit and whirled his head to meet your eyes with an expression of pure shock.

⤷ He truly couldn’t believe his ears, perhaps his luck had duped him once more and he heard the wrong thing. Eventually, that was what he settled on because, truthfully, he couldn’t believe that he’d heard those daunting words of wishful desires that he’d suppressed his yearns for.

⤷ So he asked you to repeat what you said, the aftermath of his shock dissipating as he assumed he’d simply heard you wrong. Oh, how surprised he was when he heard you utter the same words; would you ever want to do it with me?

⤷ Nagito’s senses felt overwhelmed at that moment. His heart continuously swelled and fluttered at the realization of your words, his ears imaginatively rehearsed your words—fleeting whisper—as though they were lyrics to a catchy tune, his eyes trained on the nervous visage you sported.

⤷ He parted his lips only to close them; he was at a loss for words. What does he say? What could he say?

⤷ Honestly, the shock of your willingness to do something so scandalously sensual with the likes of him was a pill he struggled to swallow.

⤷ It was almost as though he was within the confines of a lucid dream, a dream of great pain, if so. He couldn’t believe it, you actually wanted to make love with him. Him, of all people.

⤷ Realizing that he was taking far too long to respond to the question that clearly took a lot of nerve to voice, he nods his head almost frantically. A blush painting over his pale complexion.

⤷ At his nod, a smile tugged at your lips as you toyed with the hem of your sleeve; a habit Nagito has come to cherish. It was a peculiar tick of yours, yet one he couldn’t help but find adorable.

⤷ To his nod, you leaned forward and pressed your lips against his. Your intentions had been clear from the delicacy of the kiss; it was fleeting, a mere show of your relief and affections.

⤷ Yet as you began to pull away, his hand finds itself residing at the back of your neck, pulling you in for another kiss. This time, it was bundled with passion, unvoiced declarations of devotion.

⤷ The kiss was hasty, a great contrast to what you’d originally meant to initiate. But with the way you feverishly returned his sloppy kisses, you didn’t mind the change of pace.

⤷ It was spontaneous; spurred in the heat of the moment. What began as a soft kiss drastically melted into heated, sweat-glazed bodies pressing against one another; both bare, vulnerable.

⤷ He could feel your chest against his as his heart hammered within his rib cage. He wondered if there was the slightest possibility that you could feel it pulsate, beating for you; his love.

⤷ But despite how far you two had managed to go, naked and dissolving into each sloppy kiss the other engages in, there was still the burdening inkling of doubt; hesitance in every single movement of his.

⤷ Even as his fingers squeezed and rubbed over your skin—grasping at all that he could—there was still that searing fear instilled within him.

⤷ He was scared; so very scared. He was terrified that you’d come to your senses eventually and register the mistake you were in the process of making; letting scum like him commit such a lewd act with you.

⤷ He feared the worst; rejection. And as you pulled him in for another kiss, you could taste the bitter reminisce of uncertainty; of reluctance.

⤷ And you’re painfully aware it won’t be relieved in the span of a mere hour. Nagito’s self-degradation is stemmed from his nearly nonexistent self-worth. The only fragments of such a thing that he possesses are due to your frequent proclamations of adoration towards him; smothering him in compliments.

⤷ But it’ll be a long while before he would ever truly understand his worth; for him to understand that he’s not as lowly as he makes himself out to be.

⤷ So, as he stutters in movement, his hands flinch upon settling on your hips, look convincing himself he was treading amongst forbidden territory.

⤷ The words spilled from your lips without a hitch in beat, your smile accompanying each syllable as you meet his eyes. A sheen of sincerity glimmering in your hues.

⤷ You wanted him to know that you’re doing this with him because you want to, you chose him for a reason. You wanted him to believe that he meant so much to you and that even as you cradle his body against yours, you hold him closest within your heart.

⤷ He was not something for you to throw away once used. This wasn’t the hit-and-go scenario that he fears your intimacy may transpire to be.

⤷ With every declaration of your love for you, your longing for him, your genuine attachment to him, he reclined from your body, his vision blurred with tears in which he attempted to stop.

⤷ Rubbing at his eyes in a futile attempt to hide his tears, a stuttered sob escapes from between his lips. And eventually, his cries seep out akin to a waterfall; the tears wouldn’t stop, his sobs wouldn’t cease, and his heart wouldn’t stop hurting.

⤷ You allowed him to let it out, to let go of the emotions he’d bottled that were long overdue. You gave him what he rightfully deserved; a moment to be vulnerable, to feel human.

⤷ Pressing delicate kisses to his cheek, you kiss away the stray tears as you laid him down, straddling him.

⤷ You continued pressing your lips against his plush skin tinted with rose as he flushed beneath your ever-so gentle care. With every kiss, you whispered a compliment taken straight from the confines of your heart; sincerity within anything you muttered in infatuation of him.

⤷ Your lips continued to travel, pressing against the crevices of his body. The heated compassion of your kisses paired with your praise threatened to bring forth another round of tears from the affection-starved male.

⤷ But you were more than willing to fill in the gaping hole of his heart in which was yearning for love; for some sort of worth.

⤷ You’ll prove to him that you truly love him. You truly care for him with the entirety of your heart, and you’d appreciate him wholeheartedly. Even if it takes years, you’ll push forth and reach that fateful day together.

⤷ And as your body continued to press against one another, whines of lustful desperation swirled with adoration smothering the air, the glaze of love within your eyes had never faltered.

⤷ Even as lust intertwined with the concoction, you never lost the look of genuine care within your gaze. And not a moment passed that Nagito wasn’t peering at the hypnotic sight.

⤷ His eyes fixated on the love in your eyes as the bubbling of another emotion—other than his oncoming climax—blossomed within his stomach.

⤷ Hope; he was familiar with the concept. His rants of such a thing often accompanied by you listening intently, something he found himself falling harder for.

⤷ But as he acknowledged the love in your eyes—the pure devotion of your heart to him and solely him—he felt hope; hope that he could one day understand that feeling towards himself; hope that perhaps he wasn’t a mere throw-away, a stepping stone to others; hope that he can one day shed his hesitance and plunge forward, sure of himself.

⤷ As the two of you finally reached your climax, hands intertwined, your gasps synchronized, Nagito felt hope. And for as long as you stayed with him, he was hopeful that he, too, can truly understand the way you value him.

⤷ But for now, he dissolves the thought and settles for wrapping his arms around your waist, pulling you closer to his form. Right at that very moment, he felt euphoria; exhilaration. You wanted to do this with him, you wanted him, and he was happily yours.

[iminye]

oh i'd love to hear about aiwe!!

Yaayy!! So glad you asked about her because she's probably one of my oldest Silmarillion OCs! I made her all the way back in 2017 when I wanted to give Celebrimbor's mom a face and a backstory.

Also this became waaay longer than expected because I just ended up writing down her entire story as I have thought it out until now. I hope you don't mind reading :)

First off all, to up the angst potential for her character I have to clarify that Aiwë is, in fact, one of the Teleri.

She is the oldest child and only daughter of the best Silversmith in Alqualondë, Thulwë. Due to her father's reputation and talent he attracts people from all over Valinor and especially from amongst the Noldor who wish to study under him - Fëanor has learned from him in his youth for a while, and Curufin, ever eager to follow in his father's footsteps, also goes to Alqualondë for a few years to learn from Thulwë.

Aiwë herself also learned from her father but was never really interested in forging. To be honest she can't really stand the heat and prefers to wander around the endless beaches of Valinor that are only barely or not at all illuminated by the two trees. She always goes out there to look for pretty seashells and stones from which she then makes jewelry. When she is in the mood she combines the two things. She also really and I mean really loves boating. One of her uncles gifted her a small boat when she reached adulthood and since then she sets out into the sea regularly, where she ends up spending hours just stargazing.

She is the older of her parents two children, her much younger brother is named Eärillo and he becomes a guard for the royal family (but only after the kinslaying as he is still adolescent during that time). She loves her family very much and would do anything for them.

Now Curufin. As I mentioned he went to study under her father for a few years as well and had a bit of a hard time proving himself worthy. Thulwë mostly teaches the art of jewelry making and Curufin has more of a knack for making practical rather than pretty things - such as hunting knives for Celegorm or new chisels for his mother. Let's just say he had a hard time trying to make very delicate hairpins...

Interestingly enough, they don't meet up until the second year into Curufin's apprenticeship because Aiwë was away with her mother to help out a cousin who had married into a Vanyarin family and just had their first child. They meet at one of Aiwë's favourite seashell collection spots. Thulwë had sent his students off to go and find inspiration for their next piece and Curufin just had wandered around aimlessly until he had found himself at the beach. Now he sits there and looks at a few seashells he collected, when Aiwë approaches him and asks if he came here to collect seashells as well. Just please imagine the most adorable meet-cute and following courtship imaginable, alright? These two start off INCREDIBLY cute and happy. Also he gives her his final and best project that he made under Thulwë's tutelage as a betrothal gift.

Long story short they get married with both of their families blessings after a proper courtship. It's the first wedding of any of Fiwnë's grandchild and therefore very grand. Half of Valinor is invited and the rest is coming anyway.

Aiwë goes to live with Curufin to Tirion, although they do go back to Alqualondë regularly because Aiwë misses the sea and Curufin finds it rather calming to sit at the beach and just watch his wife. He loves her very much, ok? They have Celebrimbor a few years later and she names him Tyelpërinquar because she has a vision of him forging rings of magnificent beauty and power. Out of her brother-in-laws she gets along best with the twins because they remind her of her own little brothers. She also likes to sit with Caranthir and later his wife when they do embroidery.

She also goes with Curufin to Beleriand but mostly for Celebrimbor's sake who is still a child and doesn't want to be parted from his father's family - even though said family just slaughtered his mother's kin. She has a more distant relationship towards Curufin for the following centuries but he actually really tries to make things better again. The only high their relationship ever reaches again in the first age is in the first year of them staying in Nargothrond which is also when they have their second child. Aracundo. Both of them actually believed that things could get like they were before again… and then the Lúthien incident happened and Aiwë broke away from her husband in fear of his greed. She takes Aracundo, still a child, and also Celebrimbor after Curufin and Celegorm get chased out of Nargothrond and leaves with them and enters the service of Cirdan and later Gil-Galad.

She doesn't see her husband again but hears of his death and the horrors of the second kinslaying from Oropher and Thranduil, who bring with them princess Elwing and the Silmaril. There is a moment where Aiwë sees that stone and has to resist the urge to prey it from Elwing's small hands and toss as far away into the sea as she can. She does mourn Curufin and what could have been if the oath never happened for a little while.

She meets her brother and father again when the host of the West arrives in Beleriand because both Thulwë and Eärillo volunteered to help sail the army across the sea. It's the first time she actually feels happy again - not that she wasn't happy when Aracundo was born… but that was a different kind of happiness one mingled with at least a little bit of grief. This now is genuine happiness.

(Celebrimbor doesn't remember his grandfather at all, even though he should've been old enough when they left Valinor, nor does he remember his uncle who is just a few years older than him and greets him like an old friend. Aracundo is just happy to know that not all of his family consists of mass murderers and he gets to challenge his grandfather in a game of chess which is nice.)

Aiwë is offered to return home with her father and brother once the war ends but declines the offer. She wishes to remain for a hit longer and help rebuild before she finally sails. She also wants to see that her children are happy and settled in.

She stays with her younger son at the High King's court until the two (Aracundo and Ereinion) get married, then she moves to Eregion to be with Celebrimbor for a while. She is wary of Annatar but doesn't voice her concern. It fills her with joy when the day arrives on which she sees the vision she had after Celebrimbor's birth come true. When Eregion falls and Celebrimbor dies she is there but manages to escape with Galadriel and Celebrían.

She sails not long after.

[ariel-seagull-wings]

TOP 12 WICKED QUEEN PORTRAYALS

@sunlit-music​ @mademoiselle-princesse​ @princesssarisa​ @superkingofpriderock​ @metropolitan-mutant-of-ark​ @amalthea9​ @theancientvaleofsoulmaking​ @astrangechoiceoffavourites​ @giuliettaluce​ 

Alongside the Big Bad Wolf, Cinderella’s Stepmother, The Giant from Jack and The Beanstalk, The Witch from Hansel and Gretel and Bluebeard, The Wicked Queen from Snow White is one of the most iconic fairy tale villains of all time. A lot of people come to consider her the real protagonist of the fairy tale, since is her desire to be considered the Fairest of All and her actions to keep that title what puts the narrative in motion. And today, i will rank my favorite portrayals of this fascinatingly nasty foe.

12º Miranda Richardson as Queen Elspeth in Snow White: The Fairest of Them All (2001)

Talk about being typecast: before that turn as Snow White’s Evil Queen, Richardson had portrayed an Evil Sorceress Queen and Stepmother in Jim Henson’s The Storyteller (’The Three Ravens’ episode) and she was a wicked Sorceress Stepmother in Tim Burton’s Sleep Hollow. So it was neat for her to be called for the role of the most famous Evil Sorceress Queen and Stepmother in this Hallmark TV Movie. Elspeth is the sister of a strange, mysteryous creature known as the Granter of Wishes. Having been recently released from his freezing prison, the Granter of Wishes makes a spell to make her look beautifull for human standards, and marries her to the newly crowned and widowed King John. At first she looks content with the prospect, but as time passes, she grows more and more unsatisfied. Her source of joy is the Magic Mirror that praises her beauty, and casting spells to turn gnomes into garden statues. But when the Magic Mirror says that Snow White’s beauty surpasses hers, the unsatisfaction gets mixed with paranoia, and Elspeth slowly abuses her power in constantly harming other people, until there is no magic enough...

11º Herta Kravina in Schneewitchen (1971)

This german TV Movie is the most faithfull adaptation of the Grimm’s tale original edition, not only keeping the three murder attempts by ribbon/lace/corset, hair comb and apple, but also being the only one to show the Queen dancing to death with hot iron shoes in Snow White’s wedding. This is enough to make it worth a checkout. The other reason i find this version interesting is how the Queen comunicates with the Magic Mirror: they sing to each other. And Kravina has a really good voice (no wonder she was a voice actress for Peggy Lee in the first german/dutch dub of Disney’s Lady and The Tramp). Sometimes that is enough to get a spot in a ranking.

10º Mari Yokoo/Caterina Rochiara/Regina Reagan/Carol Jacobanis as Queen Crystal in The Legend of Snow White (1994)

From the outside, Queen Chrystal appears to be calm, regal, and sophisticated, but in reality, this collected and stately facade hides an extremely sadistic, hateful, cold and sinister person. She is ruthless, jealous and obsessive and wants nothing more than to be the fairest in the land. She also has an extreme vanity that made her utterly intolerant of rivals. Being solely focused on the idea of becoming the fairest of all, Queen Chrystal does not appear to be significantly involved in governing her husband's kingdom, though the skeletal remains of prisoners in her dungeon point to her being a villainous ruler. In the end, her mad vanity and jealousy of her stepdaughter Snow White drove her to murderous insanity. Later is revealed that Queen Chrystal is not unredeamably evil as everyone thins, but an actually kind and gentle person who is possessed by an Evil Spirit. 

09º Diana Rigg as the Queen in Canon Movie Tales: Snow White (1987)

This lady is the personification of paranoia multiplied by the double. Why? Because the Magic Mirror didn’t needed to say that the little child Snow White was the fairest, this queen just feared so much that the princess’s beauty would outgrow hers that she ordered the huntsman to kill her. Basically: run, she is bad news.

08º Jeri Arredondo as Sly Fox in Happily Ever After: Fairy Tales For Every Child (1995)

Sly Fox... What a cunning diva. People try to counsel to not use alone a Magic Mirror that is a portal to the spirit world, but who says she listens? She is just there to hear the singing of her praises, and will try to eliminate anyone who gets on her way. She even goes so far as taking the appearance of the kind hearted nurse Sage Flower to lure her stepdaughter White Snow to eat the poisoned appled. What is not to love about that bastard?

07º Kazue Komiya/Arlene Banas as the Queen in Grimm’s Fairy Tale Classics (1989)

Interestingly this encarnation starts naturally cold, calm and collected, ocasionally at the princess Snow White to see if she can ever grow more beautifull than her, and dismissing the girl with contempt. It is years later that she lets go of acting calm and collected, because after hearing some gossips in the palace, she asks Snow White if she thinks of herself as more beautifull than the Queen, and her stepdaughter reacts by exclaiming that the Queen is vain and cruel, and to her eyes that makes her ugly. So besides the desire of being considered the most beautifull, you get the feeling that this Queen pursues Snow White as a way to shut a person that dares to rebell against her, wich ads new interesting dimentions to their antagonism.

06º Dorothy Cumming as Queen Brangomar in Snow White (1916)

Brangomar was once a lady in waiting of the palace. But one day, she met the powerfull Witch Rex, who offered to give Brangomar anything she wanted. And what Brangomar wanted was to become a beautifull Queen. Wich was achieved by a faustian deal where Witch Rex would cast a spell that killed Imogene, the previous Queen, while in return Brangomar would have to find a way of getting Snow White’s heart for the Witch. Years have passed, and now Brangomar  must kill the princess to pay her debt, or else everything she got will be lost. Hey, here is a way of making a villain tragic, almost simpathetic and complex while keeping clear that she is still a villain!

05º Vanessa Redgrave as the Queen in Faerie Tale Theatre (1984)

The most loud and bombastic portrayal of the Wicked Queen ever put on screen. Bringing to television her sperience from stage, that allows some more over the top emotional reactions, Redgrave had the time of her life in that role, indulging in twirling, preening and screening as much as she could, and his Queen is all the most fun for it.

04º Gudrun Landgrebe as the Queen in Schneewittchen (1992)

What i live about Landgrebe’s Queen is her range: at first she acts all humble, discreet, cold and mysteryous. Then her husband leaves to fight in a Crusade, and she trows the white veil and gray clothing of humility to show a diva red hair and orange dress, as to say “Hey, the King leaved, i have all the power here now and you must do as i say”. Later, a knight comes, offering a magical crystal ball that connected to a mirror says all the truth, and the Queen takes posession of it to ask about her beauty. When Mirror says that the most beautifull woman in the kingdom is Snow White, she gets infuriated, than goes to carefully plan ways to eliminate the princess once and for all. The highlight is when she takes the disguise of a russian male doctor to offer the apple (where she injects poison into with her ring) to Snow White.

03º Maria Antonieta de Las Nieves in El Chapulin Colorado: Blancanieves y los Siete Churín Churín Fun Flais (1978)

This three part episode of the mexican comedy superheroe show is a loving parody of the Disney version, that stands out as an enjoyable retelling of the classic fairy tale in its own right. Interestingly, while most of the comedy in the episode is delivered in the form of over the top slapistick, de Las Nieves’s delivers a straight faced, contained performance. Wich makes her answers to the absurd situations in the story all the more funny.

02º Patricia Medina as the Queen in Snow White And The Three Stooges (1961)

This lady was a hell of a foe: she not only antagonizes Snow White for the title of the Most Beautifull, going so far as to lock the princess in a dungeon for no crime at all, but also, alongside her partner in crime Count Oga, ordered a murder attempt aggainst Prince Charming when he was a child, to prevent him from marrying Snow White, and this way she could become ruller of the kingdoms of Fortunia and Bravuria. Troughout the film, you think that she could win, since she has powerfull magic, spy and a mighty army at her comand, wich makes the viewer get all the more excited on the seat, that is how enjoyable Medina’s Queen is.

And my Number One Portrayal of the Wicked Queen is...

01º Lucille La Verne as the Queen in Disney’s Snow White and The Seven Dwarfs (1937)

The first encarnation of the character that i ever saw in my childhood, and the one that still sends chills/shivers to my spine. As a young Queen, she rarely smiles, acting cold and calculating, intidimidating who is subordinate to her with the expression of her eyes and highbrows. And as a Crone, she lowdly indulges in her cruelty, offering the poisoned apple to her pet raven to scare him, and mocking the dead skeleton of a prisoner inside the castle’s dungeons. That balance between cold calculism and loud cruelty, where both are equally unsetling and scary, is something very hard to achieve, but i think this encarnation did a very good job in achieving that balance, that every other  portrayal that camed tried to draw influence from it ever since. And that’s why Disney’s Wicked Queen is my Number One portrayal.

HONORABLE MENTIONS: Addi Adamets in Schneewittchen (1955), Marianne Christina Schiling in Schneewittchen (1961) and Sonja Kirchberger in Sechs Auf Einen Streich (2009)

[melancholymetropolis]

Enemy

Prompt: Reader is secretly in love with Randall and gets heartbroken when she catches him kissing another girl. She sings a sad song about it.

A/N: This fic is combining both my love of Glee and The Order. 

Warnings:  A LOT OF ANGST, implied smut and curse words, sudden POV change (Unedited)

Words: 3300+

---------------

The ear-bleeding music seemed to slowly die down as the pounding of my heart replaced its significant impact. My brain was trying to differentiate what my eyes were capturing and what I was feeling. Although, I seemed to be doing a terrible job. 

Randall Carpio was lip-locked with some girl I had never seen before that day. He was. . . I didn't know what he was at that moment. I didn't consider him a boyfriend since we never had the appropriate conversation about it. Yet, he was more than a friend, since we had kissed a couple of times. Granted, the goal was to divert needy girls from sitting in his face. But, my heart was the warmest when we shared such intimate moments. How our tongues tangled long after the intended audience had left and we were always one minute away from racing to a secluded area. Desperately wanting to release the sexual tension that had been within us since we had met last semester. 

I guess I was the only one to feel those things. 

I released the breath that I had been holding and turned my back to the scene. I placed the red solo cups on the porch of the rundown home and walked away from the bustling party. I tried my best to conceal the tears welling up in my eyes and the tightness in my throat. I held myself together all the way until I  reached my apartment. 

The shock on my roommate's face was unexplainable as I crumbled into her arms and soiled her satin shirt with my teary mascara. 

I saw his face the very next day, at the student center. He was signing some form, probably for a missing key. Since Randall was a RA, he had to fill out at least 6 of those forms every Saturday morning. Looking out for freshmen was a tough job, but he did it with no complaints. I walked past him and cranked up the volume of my phone. I could feel his eyes on me, but I chose to ignore it. If he hadn’t been signing those forms, I knew he would’ve followed me. Or chased me down.

I walked to the makeshift computer station and tapped my ID on the printer's mount. The device made a loud 'beep' before spitting out several sheets of paper. I gathered the warm items into a pile and stapled them together. Instead of walking out the way I came in, I decided to go deeper into the building and take the back exit. It happened to be further away from the library, where my study group was waiting. But an extra minute of walking wouldn't hurt as much as facing him again.

I proceed to avoid Randall for the upcoming weeks. I dove myself into my studies, spending all my extra time getting ahead on classwork. And, when I got bored with that, I upped my crocheting skills. The temperature was rumored to drop to a cool fifty degrees next week and I didn't have a scarf. Less than seventy-two hours later, I had finished my scarf and began working on my hat. 

Janet, my roommate, had gotten worried that I turned into a grandma. So, she bribed me into leaving the apartment. 

"Come with me to this club meeting and I'll buy you dinner," she said as she plopped onto my bed.

I stopped in mid-row and looked over at her. "You're only doing this because you don't want to go alone."

"Maybe," she huffed. "But, we'd both be happy when the night is over. You'll get your precious tacos and I'll join a new club."

I rolled my eyes. I finished my row and set my unfinished project on my desk. "Let's go before I change my mind."

The air in the auditorium was alive and thriving. It wrapped around my body like a chilled hug and I never felt so calm. I took my time walking down the aisle to the main stage, absorbing the positive energy all around me. The spotlight was aimed towards the middle of the stage, where the group was huddled. Instruments lie, abandoned, near the back of the stage. Along with mic stands and sheets of music on the floor. One group member picks up a sheet of paper from the edge of the stage and locks eyes with me. He stands up straight and looks up at me. 

“I know you!” He shouts toward me.

I looked behind me and saw that there was no one there. “Me? Where do you know me from?”

“We partied together a couple of times,” he said I walked up the side steps of the stage. He paused a second to process the memories and wait for me to close the distance between us. A blush flashed against his face and scratched the side of his neck. “I tried to hit on you a few times, but you were always with that Randall guy.”

Hearing his name still made my heart stop. I tried to push my emotions back into their cave as I mustered the courage to speak again. “I—” My voice cracked with just one letter so I just bit my lip and shrugged. 

The familiar stranger seemed to have understood my silence and just carried on the conversation. “Well, I’m glad you could make it! We are kind of desperate for new members.”

I cleared my throat and looked down at the ground. “What’s this club about?”

“We’re like a glee club of sorts. We sing songs that describe the overall feel of the weeks prior,” he replied in an assertive tone. “Interestingly, we have been singing a lot of breakup songs lately. We actually reconsidered to rename the club ‘The Lonely Hearts Club’.”

I looked over at Janet and she gave me a sheepish grin. 

Before I could even call out to her, a new voice emerged from within the other bustling ones. 

“Okay, everyone! I am excited to announce that we have new members!” The voice cheered with pure joy, which radiated throughout the room. The owner of the voice, a young woman, walked over to me and smiled. “It’s a tradition for the new recruits to ‘audition’ to become official club members. You can either sing a duet—” she looked over at Janet. “Or a solo”, then back at me. “Whichever you feel is comfortable.”

“I think a duet—” I tried to say before being cut off.

“We’re gonna do solos,” Janet interjected. I threw her a harsh look, which she had completely ignored and continued on with her statement. “I have been wanting to play my version of ‘Toxic’ by Britney Spears for the longest time.”

“Great! We’ll get the stage set up, and you’ll be ready to go, yes?” The leader said with a hasty head nod. She looked back at me. “While she’s performing, try to figure out if you’ll be singing acapella or acoustic. We have tons of songs from our prior setlists if you want the band to back you.”

 The familiar stranger placed a binder into my hands and I almost doubled over by the sheer heft of the object. I departed from the stage and sat in the front row. I flipped through the pages, I saw various pop anthems and R&B baby-makers in the front collection. The further I went into the binder, the more breakup songs I encountered. The majority of them are Beyonce and Taylor Swift. A few from H.E.R and Bryson Tiller. I knew a few songs in their possession but none of them really hit home. Until I reached the last page. 

Jhene Aiko’s Triggered.

I had that song on repeat the very first week I started to avoid. . . him. Maybe it was an exaggeration of my feelings but it sure felt right. It captured the anger, the pain, and the longing so perfectly. Plus it wasn’t too much singing. I knew I wasn’t a Whitney Houston, but I could hold a note and remain in key. 

I looked closer at the lyrics and sheet music behind me. A voice inside of me wanted to do this without a band. I needed to do this alone. I had to rid myself of the feelings that kept gnawing on my insides, begging to escape. 

Janet killed it, per usual. She captivated her audience with her somber tone and gentle approach. A roar of applause flooded the auditorium. Almost making it hard to top that. I handed the binder back to the familiar stranger, Justin, and climbed on the stage. I looked down at all of the glee folk and gave a sheepish smile. 

“I will be singing Triggered by Jhene Aiko,” I said, mustering up all the confidence in my being. 

“Will you be using the band?” the club leader, Marie, asked.

“No, I would like to sing it acapella,” I replied with a shake of my head. “It’s something I need to get off of my chest.”

“Ooh! I am excited! Go for it!” She cheered before taking a seat in the audience.

I turned my back to the group and took a deep breath. I decided to leave the microphone on the stand just to allow the hollowed-out space project my voice for me. I took a step and just opened my mouth. 

“Go figure, you were the trigger,” I sang with the side of my being facing the crowd. “You brought me an obstructed view when you knew the picture was bigger”.

The chitter-chatter among the group dropped and all eyes were on me. 

I took another breath and carried on. “Who am I kidding, I knew from the beginning,” I paused. An image of Randall flashed in my mind and I could feel the emotions bubble up. I clenched my fists and shook my head. “I’m sorry. I just—.”  

“Unleash it,” Marie yelled from the crowd. “The pain you’ve been holding. You don’t need to pretend anymore. This is a safe space.”

The crowd yelled reassuring testaments from below and it made me chuckle.

“So, cry if you need to! We saw it all,” Justin added in. “And we all have felt exactly what you are feeling at this moment.”

The exchange made me feel comfortable and highlighted that we were all humans at the end of the day. No matter how hard we judge, we all will be or have been in a position that makes us feel so small. So insignificant. It was only human for us to feel.

I nodded. “I’m going to start again.”

I closed my eyes and allowed the words to spill from my lips. 

Go figure, you were the trigger.

You brought me to 

An obstructed view

When you knew the picture was bigger

I opened my eyes and gave a humorless laugh.

Who am I kidding?

Knew from the beginning.

I saw him kissing her; as if I were experiencing it all over again and all I could feel was anger.

You’d ruin everything

You do it every time.

You are my enemy,

You are no friend of mine.

Muhfucker...

I paused and ran my hands through my hair. I clasped my hand together to make a loud clap before pointing to an empty space on the stage. As if he was there with me.

You muhfucking right

You muhfucking right I’m triggered

You muhfucking right I’m bitter

You muhfucking right I...

I stopped in midpoint and gave a weak smile.

Wanna fuck you right now

The crowd “oohed” in the audience from the statement and gave me a few claps.

He heard her voice before he even entered the building. While jogging across the quad that night. It had been weeks since they had last spoken and he wished he knew the reason behind it. Every time he called, it went straight to voicemail. His texts never went through, and when they did, they were left with some written automated message. Randall had debated whether to stop by her dorm and question her about the sudden disappearance, but he respected her space. But, hearing her voice for the first time in a long time had done things to him. It made him reminisce about the old times they had back at the packhouse with the other wolves. The times where they’d sleep in his bed after a night of partying; limbs drunkenly tangled together and his head on her chest. Randall loved laying his head on her breasts. They were always so soft and inviting and smelled of flowers. 

Like a sailor lost at sea, he followed the sweet melodies of Y/N’s eerily beautiful voice. The young man made his way to the auditorium before he had a chance to turn back. And he was thankful he hadn’t. She was like a siren in a pool of auburn water. The spotlight made it seem as though she was glowing. Highlighting the parts of her he found most gorgeous. Randall had taken so much time just staring at her that he shocked at the amount of sadness the lyrics offered. 

Tryna let the time go by

Tryna let the time heal all

Tryna let the time kill all

Of our memories

All you meant to me

All that history

All that's history

I'll calm down eventually

Why was she singing such a sad song? Who was this song dedicated to? He pondered the possibilities of anyone that could perhaps make her feel this heartbroken. Was Y/N going through a break-up? Who’s ass did he need to beat?

I'm triggered when I see your face

Triggered, when I hear your name

Triggered, I am not okay (yeah)

You need to stay out of my way

Suddenly the singing stopped and a sole tear rolled down her face. Y/N wiped it away and mumbled the last lyric about three more times before the audience rose from their seats and clapped. Multiple peopled raced to the stage and gave her a warm embrace and Randall watched as the tears continue to flood her face. 

“I should kick Randall’s ass for making you feel that way,” a familiar voice—  Janet—  said in the depth of the group. “He doesn’t deserve you.”

“I have no idea who he is, but fuck him!” A different voice chimed in. “Men are trash—”  

The men in the group made an unsatisfactory sound. 

“Current company excluded.”

Y/N smiled and whipped her tears. “Randall’s not trash, he just...” She paused for a moment to think. “Isn’t what I thought he was.”

“And what would that be?” Randall shouted from the doorway of the auditorium.

All the heads in the room snapped in his direction and he could hear Y/N’s heart stop for just a millisecond. As he walked down the aisle, Randall’s ears grew accustomed to her increasing heartbeat. He memorized the sound after all the nights he spent with his head against her breasts, but he hadn’t heard it beat that fast. Ever. It scared him. 

Upon walking to the stage, Randall watched as the group parted—  like the red sea—  Y/N. His favorite girl. No longer the fierce siren he saw while she was performing. Her mascara smudged underneath her eyes and her lip gloss dripped to her chin. But, it hadn’t mattered to Randall. She could walk through a hurricane and he’d still see the beauty within her. 

“Why are you here?” She asked as she walked down the stairs.

“You’re such a good performer! I was completely captivated by your stage presence—” Randall found himself spilling before realizing it. 

“Can you just not. . . be yourself for one minute and be serious?” Y/N said in a frustrated tone.

It was true. She was mad at him. 

“I must’ve really fucked up if you can’t take my silliness,” he mumbled to himself. Suddenly a little self-conscious, Randall looked at the group of people that had obviously been eavesdropping on the situation. He looked back at his girl and gripped her hand. “Can we talk in somewhere private, please?”

Y/N sighed and gave him a nod. 

Randall pulled her out of the auditorium and into the vacant corridor. 

“Look, I—” He cut her off with an embrace. Hands around her waist and nose in her hair. She smelled like cinnamon and sugar. But, it wasn’t the artificial kind that came in a spray bottle, no. It was the smell of freshly baked buns and the wafty aroma that scattered across the roll while they cooled. “Randall, what are you—”

“Just tell me what I did, so I could never do it again,” he squeezed her body closer to his and pressed a cheek to her head.  “Being away from you for that long is something I refuse to do again. I tried my best to give you your space but it pained me. . . Tell me what to do.”

Y/N’s heartbeat slowed to its normal pace as she released a shaky breath. “I saw you kiss some girl at the party.”

His body tensed. She saw him kissing Ashley? The girl was just some drunken sorority chick that stumbled across the party. Randall had won a game of beer pong and she followed him outside to give him a ‘reward’. He hated the kiss if he could even call it that. It felt like Randall was desperately trying not to choke on her tongue. He shivered at the war flashback.

“This may sound lame, but she really did kiss me,” Randall replied. “I didn’t want to come across as rude, so I just let it happen. I wish I hadn’t though. She was such a bad kisser. Like oh my god, so bad. I drool all over my shirt and everything”

She giggled. “That’s disgusting.”

“It was worse than you think,” Randall grimaced before pulling away to face Y/N. “I am sorry that I hurt you so bad that I forced you into isolation. I would never hurt you on purpose, you know that, right?”

She looked up at him with wide eyes. “I know that now.”

Randall placed a hand on her cheek and gave her a longing look. “Do you, also, know how much I love you, Y/N?”

“. . . What?”

Randall pressed his lips against hers for a steamy kiss. Y/N’s arms wrapped around his neck quickly as she stood on her tiptoes to deepen the kiss. He dropped his hand from her face and gathered her legs in his hands. He lifted her up with ease and pressed her against the wall. She groaned against his lips and arched her back, further pressing their bodies together. Y/N braided her fingers in his hair and tighten her legs around his waist. The pent up frustration from the overall situation had quickly become sexual and they were seconds from ripping each other’s clothes off.

The sound of a door closing brought her back to reality and Y/N pulled away from his lips. Just for him to attack her neck.

“Randall, we have to stop now,” she struggled to stop the moans from slipping from her lips. Y/N craned her neck to the side and tugged on the rooks of his hair. She jerked his head away from her neck and narrowed her eyes. “I mean it, Randall.”

“You’re no fun,” he pouted.

“I am not trying to have our first time in a hallway, Randall,” she hissed.

“But, it would be so risque,” he pouted even more. “The thrill is getting caught is so intoxicating.”

“But getting expelled isn’t,” Y/N rolled her eyes. “Can you put me down now?”

“So you are just gonna leave me all hot and bothered?” Randall said in blatant shock. 

“I was going to suggest your dorm room, but since you suggested leaving—! Ah!”

Randall slung Y/N over his shoulder and jogged through the hall. “I take it back! Come on, we don’t have any time to waste!”