#it’s called internalised for a reason
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shreksflamingknob69 · 2 years ago
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Thursday, 20th December 2022
thoughts about my gender today:
it’s gotten to the point where i watch romantic gay porn to imagine myself being one of those two men.
the knowledge that i have breasts makes me want to cry and every time someone addresses me as ‘miss [last name]’ it feels like a punch into my guts.
but i don’t have to accept that i might be a trans man if i just keep shoving it down and tell myself i can at least wait until my mum dies one day because the thought of my mother, who is my only family, dying is easier to stomach than the thought of having to come out as transmasc (which i’m not. i’m not i’m not i’m not)
so i’ll just keep reading trans!dean x trans!benny lafitte fics and writing trans!chandler bing x unlabelled!joey tribbiani and watching brokeback mountain.
and i’ll keep shoving it down. because maybe it’ll go away. maybe, if i just wait long enough, if i just hate myself enough, if i just hurt myself enough, this is going to go away.
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helga-grinduil · 2 years ago
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some of you need to take a breather and step away from the fandom maybe. for a little bit.
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chronosyzygy · 1 year ago
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enough about good gay and/or autistic representation. i want to talk about the worst representation out there, canon, non-canon, whatever.
just the most abysmal human beings, truly morally reprehensible characters who just happen to be gay/autistic.
my submission would be iasip mac and dennis as gay and autistic rep respectively. both absolutely awful people - but on occasion display character traits that make you simultaneously go "haha i do that" and "maybe gatekeeping is good actually"
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justaholeinmysoul · 10 months ago
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Men(all men all kinds ) on tumblr 🤝 non men(all ) so called open minded liberal feminists
Hating on Cis het women
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notebooks-and-laptops · 1 month ago
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Something something the reason Varric struggles to see the inquisitior as a person (repeatedly calling them a symbol and expressing how it's hard to remember that they're not at both the end of the wicked grace scene and in one of his own one on one scenes) is actually not about The Inquisitor or What They Are To The People or The Singing at all.
But it is an internalised coping method for himself so that he doesn't get super attached and burnt just like he did with the da2 gang. I mean. Look no further to how Sera calls him out on this one.
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Like it's kinda crazy the roles Varric fulfills in DAI all the way to WARNING LOVE INTERESTS THE INQUISITOR IS A BAD IDEA just like Wynne does in dao. He's literally so damaged and the ghosts of Kirkwall follow him everywhere and he's SO aware of what it means to follow a hero and let yourself care about them and their friends.
Anyway.
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convoloutedinjoke · 1 year ago
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This is maybe a bit of projection that is telling in all the least flattering ways but fuck it w/e, I think a breakthrough moment in postcanon Kim/Harry relationship functionality would be Harry having an epiphany like "ohhhhh. I don't HAVE to strategically manipulate him into accommodating my needs I can just TALK to him." after spending a couple months jumping through hoops and lying up a storm in order to like. not mention that some kinds of sex are scary and his joints start to hurt if they cuddle in the wrong position for too long. lol lmao etc.
#once again not tagging this because I am in the twee characterisation zone#but if uuuuh if I may be crunge for one moment#if you can but spare me another moment of your time#harriers be masking#for a variety of reasons#(note: the expression the copotypes the skills themselves especially drama and suggestion and savour fare)#(sidebar within a sidebar: not to autism all over this guy but others have noted the style of pretty much all prose happening in his head#is very self-critical and unforgiving. and in light of that I would like to direct attention to two of those being referred to and being#“good for” psychopaths and sociopaths#in light of everything else this really feels like just another facet of his feeling divorced from/unworthy of “normal” people!#like. thinking of yourself as a sociopath for having to manually interpret and react to social signals is!!! anyway)#the mask is on good and hard and its there for a reason but its also pretty indiscriminate about who it gets deployed on#(thinks about Harrys brain dora saying he cant “talk like a normal person”#did they ever fight about that? or is this more internalised self-hatred filtered through an attempt to understand what made her leave?)#anyway hes in the habit of Manipulating his way into getting what he needs from people#because being honest hasn't worked out so hot for him#like its been talked about a lot already but he calls the people who are supposed to be his backup and they take the piss out of him for#almost dying. how do you think they'd react to him asking for disability accommodations?#(not well. that was rhetorical.)#but hes alive and not as unwell as you might expect given literally everything he has going on#so he's finding a way to be accomedated somehow#and he is canonically prone to manipulation#im not saying that as a dunk! he just is and it doesnt have to be read as an unforgivable flaw#most of what he does with it is like. Fine.#but its there#ok idk where im going with this anymore im. very dehydrated#post over ogoodninght
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servicpop · 9 months ago
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NOW STARRING : deliquent (almost) bf (Adrien) x good student reader
「ㅤNSFWㅤ」ㅤAdrien gets a bit lonely and pulls reader under the staircase during break!
✙ warnings — semi-public sex, masturbation, orgasm denial, reader isn't 100% submissive, dirty talk / like 2 sentences of degradation and praise / not actually dating / slight internalised homophobia / mentions of bisexual Adrien
notes ,, first smut, hope I did well -> part 1 | not proofread!
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"Fuck— keep quiet alright?"
When Adrien left a cryptic text message saying to meet underneath the staircase, you at first thought you had done something wrong and he was going to beat you up for whatever you did. But, turns out — it was a really silly reason — that Adrien saw this couple making out underneath the tree they had and he wanted to experience something like that with you. Obviously because friends help friends right?
Underneath the staircase was quite dim and almost eerie. It wasn't as romantic as kissing underneath a cherry blossom tree but when have you two ever been the cheesy romantic type? When you arrived, he pulled you in close, wrapping his arms around you like he had been reunited with his long lost lover — which wasn't too far off since he truly believed that you two dated in a previous life. When he hugged you, you tried to act nonchalant, you tried to ignore the warmth that his chest gave off or how safe you felt in his stupdily built arms. Friends aren't supposed to feel like this to eachother, especially if both parties are men!
"Did you call me over just to hug?" You chuckled softly, fighting every bone in your body to not hug him back. You gotta be strong, you can't fall for a deliquent bad boy, it's too cliché.
"I called you over to fuck."
"Wait, what?"
You felt Adrien's hand grip the back of your head, pulling your hair hard enough to tilt your chin up but not hard enough to hurt (he can't be hurting his precious boy). His chapped lips met yours, it was obvious that he didn't take very good care of his lips but that didn't matter, you'd help him out later. The kiss was rough and almost experimental as if Adrien had never kissed another in his life — which was wrong seeing how he's had multiple girlfriends in the past — he seemed almost hesitant, unsure.
Fuck it. Just this once you'd give in to Adrien, but that doesn't mean you were dating him!
You wrapped your arms around his neck, pulling him closer as you prod your tongue against his lips, you figured you would demonstrate how to kiss properly to him, he was a hands on learner after all. His eyes widened slightly and his hands dropped to your waist, supporting your balance as he hesitantly opened his mouth, letting your tongue explore. It was weird because usually he'd be the one always taking control but your occasional leading was a breath of fresh air.
After awhile he pulled away with a smirk, "I got it," he replied before picking you up and forcing you to rely on him for stability. A small squeak left your throat as you were hoisted up in the air and pressed against the wall, your legs instinctively wrapped around Adrien's waist. He kissed you again except this time he took dominance, roughly exploring your mouth, poking and prodding at anything he could find. He was so rough that you hadn't noticed his belt come off until the metal clinked on the ground, then you realised what was poking at your ass.
Shit, he was big. Not necessarily in length but girth and thickness, it was practically the perfect all-rounder.
"Wait— Adrien, condom?" You stuttered, the fear finally settling in now. Its not like you were a virgin, just that you've never had someone like... Adrien. His eyes met yours in slight disappointment but he didn't want to go too far on his first time with you, plus, he wasn't even dating you so why would he go so far? Shaking off his thoughts he nodded, rummaging in his pocket for one while keeping you pressed against the cold wall.
"Jerk me off first? The latex gets uncomfortable to put on," He put on a fake pout, letting you stand as he held his throbbing cock out for you to see. You huffed, he was definitely lying but you'd humour him. Just for today.
You reached down, your warm palm engulfing his tip and he let out a low grown in response. Your thumb rubbed against his slit and a smile cracked onto your face when you saw the pre-cum leaking out already. His forearms caged you in as his head hung low, you could see his eyebrows furrowing and the way his face contorted in pleasure. Adrien's hips grinded up into your fist, matching your rhythm as you stroked his cock, gripping tighter at the base before swirling your thumb on his tip. It was almost like you were massaging his climax out.
"S-shit how are you so good with your hands," He sucked in air between his teeth as he hissed, groans and low moans slipped out of his mouth like water. Eager hips bucked up into your fist, chasing his release. "Close, fuck—" He cursed under his breath, his hips almost slamming into your hand, his body trembed as he was so close. His eyes flew open as he looked down to see your thumb covering his urethral opening, denying him of an orgasm, "Wh–?"
"That's enough isn't it? It should slip on easily now," You grinned, taking the condom from his hand and ripping it open with your fingers, rolling the rubber over his now overly sensitive dick. He stared in disbelief, you just... denied him? Him? Oh you were getting it now.
"You little pervert," Adrien chuckled darkly as he whipped you around, pressing your chest against the wall and holding your arms behind your back. It wasn't the most comfortable position ever but your uncomfort was interrupted when he pulled your pants down with your boxers. It was embarassing to say the least, showing off your ass like this to another guy, you were glad you had to face the wall, otherwise you might’ve crumbled from embarrassment if you saw how hungry Adrien looked.
He was teasing you. Edging you. Slipping his cock along your entrance but never actually pushing in. You were dying of anticipation because from your position, it was hard to see anything other than the walls. A surprised and embarrassingly loud moan slipped out and you'd cover your mouth if it wasn't for Adrien's hand binding your wrists together. Adrien had slammed his hips into you, his cock buried deep inside you. No warning no nothing, he was truly cruel. One hand was gripping your hip while the other hand let go of your wrists, you were finally able to stabilise yourself against the wall but long fingers thrusted their way into your mouth. Well this was new.
You gagged slightly around his fingers as you tried to say something about it but your words were blocked by Adrien's middle and ring finger. His hips also began to pick up speed, pulling out almost fully before slamming back in. You were kind of thankful for his thick fingers blocking and muffling your moans or else people were sure to catch you two fucking like bunnies underneath the staircase.
He leaned down so that his chest was flush against your back and the hand that was gripping your hip turned into his arm linking around your waist as he held you close. Adrien's breath fanned your ear before he spoke, "You know those– puppy bandages you gave me yesterday?" His question was broken from panting and groans as he kept thrusting. "Where did you buy them? I– fuck– want them," Adrien chuckled.
You would answer if you didn't have two fingers stuffed in your throat. "You know... good boys don't gatekeep, you don't wanna be good for me?" Fuck. You were never the one for praise but that? That made you cum on the spot. Your knees gave out as your poor cock spurted out white but Adrien was already keeping you up right. He laughed, his gravelly laugh travelled straight through your ears and to your cock. He smiled against your shoulder, almost like he was hugging you from behind, he quickly came after you. Shame that it wasn't inside you but it would do for now.
You both panted, and he took this opportunity of vulnerability from you to sink his teeth into your skin, eliciting a small gasp from you, "What the fuck Adrien?" The bell rung, indicating that break was over and you whined, fixing your uniform before pulling your boxers and your pants up, wincing from the weird sticky feeling from not cleaning up. Adrien was already dressed and he waved you off, quickly running off to a spot where he could skip the next few classes with his friends. You'd have to fix yourself up in the bathroom later.
BONUS
"Did you seriously cum from my praise?
"No, it's just a normal reaction."
"Who's a good boy?"
"Fuck you..."
"Nope! Never letting you top."
"I didn't mean it like that!"
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notes ,, the smut wasn't as detailed as I wanted it to be but I get fics done in like a day so I didn't want it to be so long, anyways! That's adrien, I'll be working on a fic for my next oc "
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niamhthefae · 5 months ago
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what i say: im fine
what i mean:
despite the fact that edwin grew up in the edwardian era,therefore growing up un a very anti-gay period where you had to have rigid posture and could barely even show affection when married, charles is the one who is more likely to have internalised homophobia and less likely to ever leave the closet.
when charles was growing up in the 70s and 80s there was a lot of bad things happening to do with the lgbtq+ community. like the aids crisis and major hate crimes. there was a lot more slurs around too which i refuse to type out examples for. so why would he (if he’d realised) want to be a part of that? he wouldnt,nobody would want to be beaten and called horrible things and be outcast from society.
also, if we look at his father, he doesn’t exactly seem like he would be an ally. so why would charles want to give him another reason to hurt him, to make it all worse? charles was already growing up with abuse and probably some degree of prejudice because as he mentions, he’s half indian. it would be easier to just push those thoughts and feelings and deny any idea of it and just struggle through. and he’s probably still dealing with that now.
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beenbaanbuun · 10 months ago
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Face sitting with Mingi
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words - no fucking clue
genre - smut
warnings - chubby!reader, dom!mingi, oral (f!receiving), insecurity, internalised fatphobia, nicknames (baby, princess, mingi calls himself baby boy…), praise, brief discussion of safe words, consensual somnophilia (if you squint - mingi gets off on readers thigh and she falls asleep halfway through), i think that’s it :)
one thing you’d realised about mingi is that although he may be dominant in nature, that man really knows how to beg
long limbs trapping you in place as he looks up at you with puppy eyes and whimpers in your ear until you’re practically a puddle in his lap, ready to give into his every desire
he‘a almost impossible to say no to with his pretty pout, almost being the key word
because there’s just one little thing you always say no to
after the last time you denied his request under the guise of being ‘too tired’ you expect it to be more than two days before he asks you again
but it’s not really a surprise… mingi is insatiable when it comes to you
so you just let it happen, body going almost limp as he holds you against kiss chest and kisses down your neck gently
“mmm, taste so good,” he licks a long stripe up your neck before taking your earlobe into his mouth and suckling gently, “you know what tastes better, though.”
you can’t help but moan as he teases you
“you’ll let me eat you out, right?” he whispers, and you nod.
and then he drops the same bombshell as last time and you freeze
“you’ll sit nice and prettily on my face, hm? let your baby boy devour you?”
you cant deny that you’d like to
fuck, you almost say yes there and then!
but before you can, you take a moment to come to your senses and realise that as hot as it sounds, it just won’t work
it takes a few seconds to give your body a once over with your eyes, picking out all the bits of it that carry just a little more weight than you’d like
too heavy, you decide as you begin to rack your brain for yet another excuse as to why you can’t sit on his face tonight
but just as you’re about to spout some nonsense excuse that makes no sense, mingi cuts you off
“and don’t say you’re too tired this time, baby,” he rubs your thicker waist with his hand, massaging the soft flesh like he’s kneading dough, “you were up for getting your pussy eaten before knowing exactly how i wanted to eat you.”
and again, you freeze
he has you caught, and you begin to realise that he knows you too well
“m’not going to say i’m too tired,” you definitely were, “my legs just ache too much to hold myself up for that long.”
“mhm,” he doesn’t believe you for a second, “well, that’s the good thing about sitting on someone’s face, princess… you sit”
his hand shifts to your bare thigh that poked out from your skirt, and he gropes it, big palm tugging at it until your legs are spread a little
“w-well…” you think for a moment, “my hips ache! i cant spread my legs for that long!”
he chuckles darkly in your ear
again, you know he sees through your bullshit
“if i was eating you out on a normal day, your legs would be spread,” he trails his hand up higher, “so tell me the real reason, baby.”
and you realise there’s no getting out of it
you’ll have to sit and tell him exactly why you can’t before he proves you wrong and shows you exactly why you can
its the same as when you told him you didn’t want to wear lingerie because you thought you were too big
you should’ve known mingi would go out and buy the prettiest sets he could find and get you to give him a show, all why he sat and palmed at his dick, showering you with pretty praises
you sigh, working up the courage to do it
“m’too big to sit on your face,” you mumble, “i’ll just hurt you.”
he hums in response, drawing patterns on your thigh with a finger
“and you think i care that you consider yourself ‘too big,’ do you?”
of course he doesn’t, but that doesn’t mean that you don’t care
you shake your head
“listen, baby,” he readjusts you on his lap so you’re facing him, one leg either side of his lap, “we don’t have to do this if you don’t want to, but your reasoning is fucking stupid. if you want this, then there should be nothing holding you back…”
you try and avoid his gaze
he finds it cute for a few seconds, but he’s soon lifting your chin and making you focus on him once more
“so,” he leans forward to press a chaste kiss to your pouty lips, “you want this or not?”
and you do want it… you want it so bad!
so you nod
“you know the rules, princess,” another kiss, “i need your words…”
it takes a moment for the words to process in your brain, and then another moment for them to form in your mouth
“can i sit on your face?”
“you’re so well behaved for me…”
and just like that, mingi gently pushes you to the side and positions himself so he’s lay on the sofa, legs hanging off one end so he has a enough room for his head to lie flat at the other
and he’s dragging you closer to him by your hips, and pulling one leg over until your wet panties hover just a few inches above his mouth
his jaw is slack in awe as he moves the damp material to the side and lays his eyes on your pretty pussy
it takes a moment to shake himself out of the trance you have him in
“so perfect, hm?” he whispers, “so pretty and perfect, aren’t you?”
you let out a loud whine at his words, nothing but embarrassment filling you up
he gives your hips an experimental tug, pulling your core just a little closer to his waiting mouth
and you resist, just a little bit
a little bit is enough for him to pause
“baby, i’m only doing this if you’re fully on board,” and you are, you’re just a little nervous, “i need you to sit, baby… can you do that for me?”
you whisper out a ‘yes’, but you still make no movement
you’re still a little scared
“okay, how about this,” he says, “you sit down and i tap your thigh if i want you to move, alright? i can guarantee i won’t, but at least the failsafe is there, okay?”
you cant lie, it makes you feel better
a lot better actually
knowing that he has a way to tell you it’s too much makes you feel a whole lot safer
it makes you let out a giggle as you finally understand why mingi is always so insistent on the whole ‘safeword’ thing
if your lips were anywhere near his, you’d kiss him
for now, you’d have to settle for something else
and from that point, it takes just a few seconds for you to lower your cunt to his mouth
the groan he makes when contact is made is borderline sinful and he wastes no time slurping at your wet pussy
tongue tracing patterns up and down your slit before delving deep inside to collect as much nectar as it could
lips circling around your clit, suckling ever so gently before adding more and more pressure
messy, open mouth kisses to your hole as if he’s desperate to make out with it
youre a mess within minutes, and you wholeheartedly blame mingi
you fall forwards at some point, barely holding yourself up with your elbows
your plush tummy rests just a few inches above mingi’s forehead and he can’t help but shift his hands until they’re resting flat against it
they massage the flesh as his tongue massages your clit
and before you know it, you’re crumbling
your hips buck against his open mouth, but mingi drinks up everything you have to offer him, grunting loudly as if it’s the best think he’s ever tasted
he works you through it, barely dipping a toe into overstimulation before pulling you away and shuffling a little so you can lie next to him
he’s rock hard against your hip, but when you try and move you hands to do something about it, he clasps them in his own
“i can use your thigh, baby,” he whispers as he begins to rhythmically rub his crotch against your leg, “almost there anyway… tasted too good.”
and in a weirdly peaceful way, you can’t help but fall into a slumber as your boyfriend ruts against your thigh, kissing your cheek with his sticky lips as he groans in your ear with his deep voice
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brainbleedo · 5 months ago
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For some reason my tumblr dash has been invaded by fake reblog posts of various monster posts.
If you are one of the people who make these things then I want you to know I am having the time of my life reading your fake Tumblr drama of someone with internalised monsterphobia calling out human/monster relationships only to get flattened by the gay vampire guy talking about his boyfriend.
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anonymooseforever007 · 2 years ago
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Wanna Buy You A Drink
(Bob Floyd x Reader)
Summary: It's been five months since Bob's seen his wife, and aside from Natasha he had yet to mention her to his team. He calls it privacy, she jokes it's internalised possessiveness. But tonight, with Penny's help at the Hard Deck, more than one person is in for a surprise. After all, who doesn't love a good innuendo?
A/N- Hi y'all! No TWs I think, a good few innuendos and one joke about making babies but nothing actually happens. I've been trying to finish this one for a while and am very happy with how it turned out! P.S incase y'all didn't know the Thunderbirds are the US Air Force's professional flight team that does really amazing tricks and skills and the Blue Angels are the ones for the US Navy! Both groups are so amazing to see in person and I just wanted to make a little Navy Vs. Air Force rivalry joke about them!😊 Enjoy❤️
WC- 3.8k
Main Masterlist
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He didn't know you were coming.... or so soon at least.
The last time you had spoken to your husband was a few days ago while trying to find a flight to San Diego for next month. The two of you had texted of course, and you had even gotten a few awkwardly taken selfies of the man with the sunset behind him. Neither you nor your husband enjoyed having your photo taken, so seeing him take time to step out of his usual comfort zone was always touching. Besides, you would never tell him (nor would he tell you), but there was a growing album in your phone of sneakily taken photos, though blanket holes or around house walls when the other wasn't looking. These little albums you each had "hidden" helped the burden of the distance seem less harsh, especially in the times when Bob's job kept him farther way than usual.
Despite the top secret mission he had been sent on being completed, your husband was still assigned to say in the city for an undetermined amount of time. Evidently the higher ups decided they liked how well the crew had flown and wanted to keep them together. Tired of being alone and wanting to have a little fun in the Sunny City, you decided to make an early appearance. Luckily, you had already managed to find a job in the city that was just a different branch of where you worked before. They were also kind enough to give you a two weeks leave of your own to make the move and see your husband. Your husband knew you would to join at some point, only he thought you wouldn't be getting in until late next month. So he would be very surprised in a few hours when he found you at one of the navy's top aviator hangouts that night.
It was a bar called the Hard Deck. You remembered your husband mentioning it a few times through your communications, as where him and his fellow officers liked to go after a long day. A quick google search rendered a fruitful find, and ten minutes after getting your rental car, you were on your way. It barely 5:30 by the time your reached the bar, Aviators and Civilians alike had just begun to pour through the bar doors. But by 6:00 you were sure the place would be packed. So you quickly searched for a seat, always rubbing your right thumb over your left wrist to calm your nerves. 
In the centre of the building, a beautiful older beautiful woman moved around the main bar serving drinks with ease. 'Penny' you though to yourself, remembering Bob mentioning her a few times when the bar came up. Apparently in addition to running the bar she also had close connections to the the Top Gun program herself, namely with a certain Captain who helped lead the last Mission. You smiled to yourself as you saw the sign by the bar serving a warning to those who would disrespect women or the navy. Maybe this woman could help you with your fun. When it became your turn to order you smiled at Penny...
"Hi! I was actually hoping I could send a drink to someone else if that would be alright?"
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Bob was tired. There was no particular reason why he was tired today, he just was. Training had gone smoothly and Hangman hadn't been too much of an pain either. All and All, today had actually been one of the least stressful days since he first arrived nearly five months ago. But for some reason Bob just felt off today, he chalked it up to having not spoken to you in a few days. Speaking to you always made him feel better, even when it was only for a few minutes. And having not seen you in person for five months made him long for something from you even more.
But these last few days had been busy, and then earlier today he had tried calling, but it hadn't gone through. This didn't worry him too much as he knew you occasionally turned your phone off during days when you really needed to focus on work. Though it was unusual for you to be working so late, seeing as your time zone was a few hours ahead of his and he called at 4:30 his time. Since the call didn't go though he decide that the "secret" photo album he had of you would have to suffice for now. Neither of you liked having your photo taken, but quick images taken half under the counter and while one slept always made the other smile.
He had been so busy looking at photos he almost didn't notice the group's nightly arrival to the Hard Deck until Phoenix nudged him. Giving him that half secret smile showing she knew what he was looking at. While the rest of the group (and even Maverick to a degree) thought Bob was incapable of talking to a woman without stuttering, Tasha knew otherwise. Bob hadn't even tried to hide it when she had asked why he seemed so fond of rubbing his right thumb over his sleeved left wrist night the group met. She had done it in private, of course, and only wondered if it was a nervous habit of her new WSO. And it was a habit....only not Bob's.
It was something you had always done even before you got married, a comforting repetitive habit that both you and your husband shared. But it also held a deeper meaning as it held the symbol your love. 
When the two of you first decided to get married a few years ago you hadn't gotten rings, or at least ones you'd wear on a daily basis. Both your jobs often required plenty of hands on work, and you had both been worried about losing the rings during the day. So instead, a cheaper pair of matching rings was bought and a new tradition was made. Each of you carried the other's ring in your wallet. That way, even when far apart you could have a piece of the other with you. And when the two of you met up face to face again you'd once more exchange rings. 
But even that wasn't all.
 The pair of you had wanted something more so you had decided to get matching tattoos. They were small and identical and despite almost breaking Bob's hand holding it while getting yours (from fear of needles) the small design was now one of your greatest comforts. On the inside of each of y'all's left wrist were two small stick figures holding hands on a paper airplane. At first glance it may have seems silly to any stranger passing by. But to you and Bob it was everything. 
Bob had been the one to draw stick "You" and you had drawn stick "Bob" with his little glasses. You had also drawn the paper airplane as stickmen were the extent of Bob's artistic skills. Besides, the paper plane you believed would be funny at the time. A memorial of how you two had first met in high school, when your paper plane had accidentally collided with his face instead of your friend's desk during class one day. You hadn't even known he wanted to be a pilot until months later, but when you did learn he was quick to comment how one day he'd be more than happy to take you up in a plane, as long as your weren't the one flying it again (he didn't think his face could take it). Years later you still found it funny and Bob would sometimes catch you laughing to yourself tracing the black lines on his wrist while lying in bed. A moment of peace before you two would have been parted again. Bob didn't regret what he did for a job, and neither did you, but that didn't stop you two from wishing to be together more. 
Again Tasha nudged him, breaking Bob out of his reverie before the pair headed into the crowded bar. It was just after 6:15 and already packed. Bob knew he'd rather head home and try calling you again, but he had also promised Fanboy one more pool rematch, since Hangman had busted into their last one. Luckily, even though the bar itself was crowded, the pool tables were open.
A few minutes into the game, Hangman and Coyote went to order a round of drinks and came back talking. Apparently there was some "Gorgeous Doll" (Jake's words) sitting at the bar and the pair of aviators were arguing over who'd get the chance to "woo" her first. 
Bob wasn't paying too much attention to their conversation or very interested in finding out more about this mystery woman. As far was he was concerned not even Dolly Parton could top your beauty and Bob would openly admit that he'd had a minor(ish) crush on the country singer since he was a kid. It had even become a running joke between your families, the battle for Bob's heart between you and Dolly. 
When he'd gotten his wisdom teeth out at 17, his mother told him someone had come to see him. Poor Bob about cried upon realising it was you instead of Mrs. Parton, his "Angel Voiced Beloved". Oh how you wish his brother still had that video tape, but unfortunately it had "mysteriously vanished" after Bob had overheard his sisters mention trying to get it for the wedding video. But more fortunately, the drugs wore off and soo enough he'd come back to his senses, and since that one night you'd been the only one for him. And luckily for him, he'd been the only one for you. 
So even if he was slightly curious to see which of his friends would attempt their flirtations, or which ones would fail, for now he didn't put too much thought into it. The quicker he won the game the quicker he could try calling you again. 
Soon enough Hangman was called back over to the bar to retrieve the group's drinks and they once again settled in to continue the game. Bob was once again winning, and Javy sat aside beginning to wish he hadn't placed such a bet tonight while Tasha and Callie were already making plans in their heads for what to do with their prize money. The only ball Bob had left to hit was the eight ball, and thanks to a lucky slip on Fanboy's part, it was a shot as perfect as it was easy. 
Javy cursed under his breath while Tasha and Callie high-fived, and Rooster cheered raising his glass up almost dumping his drink on Jake's head. Fanboy hung his head in defeat while Bob just grinned. Bob wasn't a bragging man but he still did like to win...a lot. The Squad may have thought of Bob as the quiet and passive WSO, but they had yet to see how competitive he could be when challenged. They had seen plenty of dog fights in the sky, but nothing compared to the vicious chaos between the Floyd family when it came to the annual gingerbread house competition. Under that sweet smile and those large glasses hid an overly excited man-child basking in his victory. Ok... so maybe it had been a good idea to come tonight. Bob couldn't wait to call his wife and tell her about his achievement. After all she was the one who taught him to play.
A few minutes later the group of aviators had settled down again and a new game started. This time Rooster was up against Maverick himself, which always proved to be a good show, full of sneaky cheating and playful jibes. Bob was sitting by Callie and Tasha taking his share of the winnings. It was only 6:30 now and he knew his night owl of a wife wouldn't be asleep for a few more hours so he decided to watch a few more games between his friends before calling a cab home. 
Hangman and Coyote were still debating over whose turn it was to talk to the new woman at the bar. Evidently, they'd noticed her reoccurring glances towards the squad during the first game and were sure she was interested in one of them two. And to drive their beliefs further, the glances had been accompanied by a playful smirk "directed" to the two men who'd placed themselves behind an oblivious Bob as them game went on. 
It was a few minutes later Penny walk up to the Aviators carrying a drink in her hand and smirk on her face. 
"Someone sent over a drink for one you lot," she said, at once turning the entire groups' attention towards her. After all who didn't like a free drink? Usually the drinks in question were for sent for Tasha or Callie, the only two women in the whole squad, but occasionally one of the other aviators would be the recipient. No one would forget the time Ruben got a drink from a 60 something year old women in a sparkly dress. And it appeared this would be one of those times. 
With a smirk on her face she turned, setting the colorful drink down saying,
"Lieutenant Bob Floyd someone wants you to have sex on the beach."
Aside from quite humming of ice machine and the clatter of Maverick's pool stick it seemed as if all the sound has been sucked out of the Hard Deck. As if Penny's words has been some wicked spell freezing, all the group's inhabitants where stood still. A little ways away from the group, a woman sat with a growing grin on her face as she watched everything unfold. Just as Bob opened his mouth, his face now a red as his wife's lipstick, Penny delivered the final 'blow'. 
"It's double strong too, so I'd say someone really wants you to have it."
Bob looked like a fish. A really cute six foot tall fish with military issued glasses but still a fish. His eyes were wide and his mouth kept opening slightly before closing as if the words in his head were fully composed of silent letters. If one were to look into Bob's head and read his mind they'd be able read the flurry of responses and polite refusals streaming through his brain. It wasn't the first time he'd been sent a drink, but that never stopped him from going speechless when it happened. Now Bob was a married man. A very happily married man, but he still had an awful habit of getting flustered anytime showed interest in him. It was something that Y/N took special pleasure in, and there were times they went out with friends when she'd pretend she didn't know him just so she could relentlessly flirt and turn him red. To be fair he'd also done it to her a few times, but she had a habit of taking any flirting he did as a challenge. And then, while their friends fake gagged and smirked behind their backs, the night would be filled with flirty winks and innuendos until someone gave in and "agreed" to take the other to "their place".....wait a mi....
"I hope you don't mind I took the liberty of getting you a refreshment. Thought you might have deserved it after that wonderful win." 
Bob was grinning like an idiot before he even finished turning his head to the approaching voice. He didn't get out of his seat though as his head fell back to the ceiling with a hand over his face as the last of the embarrassment left him. Turning his head back to the women he smiled again as he began to laugh. He turned his body more towards her and noticed the dress she was wearing. Damn he loved that dress. It was the one she wore when they had gotten engaged. Looking at her lips she appeared to have the same lipstick on too.
"I hate you."
Words said without malice, quite the oppose actually, brought another laugh to Y/N's lips as after months apart she finally got to stand in-front of her husband. Eyes never leaving her husband's, she places a hand over her heart and gave a dramatic gasp.
"Well that is the most heartbreaking news I've ever heard darling. You see I was so impressed with your skills earlier, I was ALL set to propose. See I even got you a ring," and with that Y/N pulled her left hand back from her chest and revealed Bob's ring which had been sitting in her wallet for months now. Well, aside from almost every day when she'd fidget with it in her hands while on the phone with him or just because she missed him. And a little farther up from her palm was a small tattoo of two tiny stick people holding hands on a paper plane. In the back ground, Phoenix let out a small sound of joy of her own as she finally understood what was happening. Quickly she leaned over and explained to Callie, who also started to laugh. The rest of the aviators still stood in shock, not sure what was going on. They only knew that for some reason Bob "Blushes at the word boobies" Floyd was getting the attention of one very pretty women, apparently because he could play pool. 
Bob only stared at her hand for a moment longer before he finally stood from his chair and wrapped the woman in front of him in his arms. Spinning her around once before kissing her cheek he pulled back.
"Well, I guess I'll have to rethink my words then ma'am. In fact, I think I got a ring right here that may fit your style," he replied grinning as he pulled Y/N's ring out of his own pocket and wallet with a practiced ease done many times before. "You'll have to forgive me for not kneeling to do it now, I'll get my ass chewed out if I dirty this uniform," he joked looking down to the woman in his arms smiling back.
"It may not be typical or proper, but I certainly wouldn't want anything to happen to that lovely ass of yours....so I guess I'll accept," Y/N joked back, drawing out a few words for added affect, not really caring about the propriety of it just ecstatic to be with her other half again.
"PROPER?! I haven't seen you in five months and the first think you do is send someone to tell me you really want me to have sex on the beach. How's that's proper for ya! Not even a hello first," Bob laughed. As surprised as he was initially, he really did miss this little game of y'all's. It brought out a cheekier side of him his friends usually didn't see.
"Alrighty then," stepping back and picking up the drink in question with a smirk, Y/N raised it to her husband's eyesight, "Hello, Lieutenant Bob Floyd would you like to have sex on the beach?"
"Well I just don't know if that's something I can answer in public Mrs Floyd," he replied cheekily, still starting at his wife.
"MRS.FLOYD"
That was the collective statement from the remaining aviators as the couple was finally brought out of their own little world. Turing to face the company Bob stood with his arm around Y/N's waist proudly like a child at Christmas.
"Yeah, Mrs. Floyd. Been that way since I became the luckiest man on earth."
"And since I became the luckiest women. But all ah y'all are welcome to call me Y/N. Or you know... Mrs. Baby on Board. Though I guess we haven't gotten to that part yet, but, it has been five months after all."
Tasha followed, closely by Callie, was the first to approach as Rooster's pool stick fell to the table and Maverick started wacking a sputtering Jake on the back, after the latter choked on his drink with the final sentence. 
"Hi, I'm Natasha and this is Callie, callsigns Phoenix and Halo. I'm your husband's ..."
Before Natasha could even finish she was wrapped in a hug by Y/N.
"Ohh I know you!! Bobbie talks about you all the time! You're Black Widow! It's so nice to meet you!!"
"Black Widow," someone asked from the side, while Bob began to chuckle under his breath.
"Ohh right, sorry. I have a hard time with remembering names, so I like to make up helpful nicknames with Bob to remind me of who is who. Like Natasha is Black Widow because of Natasha Romanoff; and Callie is Catwoman because of Callico Cats; and there's also a Rocket Raccoon for whoever's Bradley; and I have a Peter Pan beca...."
"Yep I think they get it darling. No need to divulge all our secrets." Bob interrupted nervously, not quite wanting his team to know all his secrets yet. He'd also NEVER tell them that when you first learned about his job you'd compared him to the Thunderbirds. I mean the audacity of it all! Everyone knew the Blue Angles were superior! Those were some fighting words Bob assured you at the time. Callie and Tasha burst into grins, liking this more and more, while Y/N looked back a her husband with a fake look of innocence in her eyes. Meanwhile Penny, still with the group, wiped the tears of laughter from her eyes as Maverick gaped and Rooster got into a debate with Mickey if he was hotter than Bradley Cooper. Soon the laughter died down and Maverick stepped forward sticking out his hand.
"Well it sounds like you seem very good at giving callsigns of your own. Maybe we'll have to put you in charge of naming the new recruits Y/N. My callsign's Maverick but I'm guessing you know me as Peter Pan."
"Pleasure to meet you Maverick. I might just have to take you up in that offer. Heard a lot about you too. All of you in fact. I'm sorry for interrupting your game earlier, I've been waiting to do that for a long time. Your friend Penny was a brilliant help too." Y/N smiled and shook his hand. He had a welcoming smile that reminded her of her own father. She also sent a smile towards Penny who returned it with her own and took a step closer to Maverick. 
"No problem at all, it always nice to see couple's meeting again. I must admit the drink was a nice touch. Never seen an idea that creative yet." 
Stepping back towards her husband who put his waist around her once again, "Why thank you captain, I do suppose it's nice someone appreciates a good innuendo." Bob gave a small groan, but smiled as he buried his head into his wife's shoulder whispering how he did appreciate it and would show her how much later. Out of the corner of her eye Y/N caught a few more aviators still staring, though they seemed much less confused, now slowly settling in to of their quiet friend being married. "Though I believe there's a few more introduction left as well," She mentioned as she stepped towards the remaining group and shot a mischievous grin towards her husband, asking him a question without words.
"Oh just do it, they're gonna know eventually I guess," Bob laughed and looked at his wife with an equally mischievous look, finally taking a sip of his drink. After all, she'd probably let the names slip one day. This was going to be great. Hearing her next words, Jake choked on his drink again.
"Alrighty then. Which one of y'all boys is Statefarm?"
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menlove · 4 months ago
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one thing that adds to credibility of Paul being closeted imo, is that often he is thought of as having this internalised homophobia, if not homophobia itself, because he always mentions how un-gay he is whenever some gay subject comes up in interviews
but like, there are so many things that disprove him being homophobic, it's not even funny. going to Paris alone with gay men? Paul did that two times (three if we count John lol) and that Peter Brown story is incrediblyy suspect. what homophobic man, scared of gay, sits on the bed of his male employee and his male fling that casually late at night in his hotel room and chats them up?
most likely reason, combined with his incredibly suspect lyrics, is that he is so defensive about his sexuality because he has something to hide
THATS WHAT IIIIIM SAYING!!!! like he is so comfortable w gay people and gay culture which on its own isn't suspect but it Is when people insist he's homophobic as a Reason He's Repressed Not Closeted. and once again I must remind everyone that john nearly beat a man to death for calling him gay and was still undeniably queer.
it's just like. imagine for a moment. with me. everyone hold my hand. not claiming this is true but walk w me along this path to get to current paul that isn't "he's just repressed and stupid and doesn't even know he's bi" but is instead MY speculative timeline (somehow this turned into a mini fic or something god help me but I'M SO SERIOUS IM SO SERIOUS THIS WOULD MAKE THE MOST SENSE TO ME WALK WITH ME HOLD MY HAND)
you are born in the 1940s. you are raised by a strict man who was physically abusive & in a culture that hates gay people. you grow up watching people get killed for being queer and being bullied over your feminine features that people think make you queer. you hit puberty and Shit Gets Harder because you start finding other men hot. elvis, for one! when you're 15 you start seeing a boy around that you think is hot and it turns out he's in a band and you fall in love with his looks and his voice and then him. and he's just as insane about you. you start doing increasingly sexual things together. eventually, you're having a full blown sexual affair. while writing love songs together and growing up together. and then he gets his girlfriend pregnant. and marries her. and you lose him, a little bit. he goes off and has an affair with your gay manager & when he gets home he ruins your birthday party by nearly beating a man to death for bringing it up. you wonder what he'd do if anyone found out about the two of you too.
and then the insane happens and you end up The Most Famous Band In The World. the ENTIRE world is watching your every move. the entire world loves you. they wouldn't love you if they knew. you get a girlfriend and it's convenient because she's always gone and you're always alone. but you still have him. and other girls. through everything, you have each other. even when he says something stupid and the world wants all of your heads on a platter and he starts to fall into a depression, you still have each other. even if now you Know how bad it could be if they ever found out. and then your manager, your father figure, an openly gay man, dies. and it's not a suicide, but a lot of people think it is, and sometimes you wonder, and fuck it's terrifying, isn't it? the reality of your life, the reality of loving Him, the reality of being queer. what if that winds up being You? you start to lose Him a little bit more as you throw yourself into your work and push everyone way too hard. you propose to your girlfriend. and then you do lose Him. to a woman. which was sort of unthinkable because he was already married and never cared about her, just you. never cared about any women, just you. but he cares about Her. and you fucking lose your mind. lose yourself in drugs. blow up your engagement. propose to another girl and many more "jokingly". your one girlfriend says you had to try again or you would have gone "raving queer" and killed yourself. the whole time you're losing Him more and more. suddenly he's looking at Her like he used to look at you. you're no longer his world and what the fuck do you have? a bunch of girls you don't care about and a drug problem? and then you meet a woman who, according to you, is more woman than anyone else. she's a mother already, a family ready made when you've always wanted one. she's smart and she's funny and she's quick and you let yourself cling to her because you don't have Him and he has Her so you've got to have someone, don't you? and she winds up pregnant and that's great, that's wonderful, you're no longer in danger of dying alone and queer and sad. you've lost Him by now completely, even though you have about a month where things feel a little less awful again and you perform together one last time. you marry her and you ASK people, flat out, if they expected you to be a 26 year old unmarried queer. you fight the night before you're married for some unknown reason, so badly she almost leaves you. and then He marries Her, and everything is fine. and then it all falls apart completely. you at least had Him as your friend, your writing partner, the other half of you legally. and then he asks for a divorce. and the world ends. you don't have the band, you don't have Him, you don't have anything. you stay in bed all day, drinking, miserable. like a breakup, not just of the band.
eventually, your wife pulls you out of it. you survive. you start writing again. you write to him. you put two beetles fucking on the cover of your second album and he thinks a song you wrote about your wife's ex is about him (and maybe it is, a little) and he shoots right back. and you keep that up for a decade. writing to each other. seeing each other only in the news and in snatched moments together where nothing is the same as it was. you plead with him through your music: why do you hurt me so bad? call me, pretty baby. I'm waking up screaming over you. I can't tell you how I feel. you try and make things like they were, even a little, showing up to his house with your guitar like you're 15 again, but he sends you away. in all that time, he's basically gone to conversion therapy. he's with someone who makes disparaging remarks about his sexuality. for you, you've let yourself embrace being a bit campy, but you still can't bring yourself to be open about any of it. not with anyone but your wife.
and then you start talking again. you make up. things seem hopeful. it seems like he might still love you and he writes you a song about starting over with you. and then he's murdered. and it's senseless. it's so so senseless. and it's unfair. you lock yourself away for days listening to that song he wrote you. the media tears you apart for grieving wrong. they wish you died instead. they think you're cold. you never loved him, not like he loved you. you write a song, with tear marks on the page, telling him how much you DID love him. all the things you'd say to him if he were there with you. you write more songs about that, all centered around that theme. some of them you say are about him. others you don't. once, you say if anyone catches on you can just deny it. but he wrote you love songs too, apparently, for you, and you eventually record them with your old band
and the thing is, You are one of his widows. his name follows yours every time it leaves someone's mouth. he's all anyone ever talks about with you. he's all you want to talk about too. his legacy is your legacy. he's no longer here to tell people about his sexuality, he's no longer here to consent to everything that you were being told. he's not here. and how can you even begin to mention Your Own sexuality without bringing him up? you owe him more than outing him in death. you owe Her more than that too, because you were already cruel to her and so was the world. she's grieving just like you, you can't do that. your wife dies, and now you're her legacy too and you being queer would seem like a betrayal to her. your best friend dies, and now he's your legacy too. you aren't just you- you're Him, you're 1/2 of the living members of the most famous band to ever exist, you're Her, you're your dead wife
so when someone asks you about him. when someone asks you about being gay or calls him the love of your life. What Exactly Are You Supposed To Say?
I wouldn't say shit either
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lovverletters · 1 year ago
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My Boy
《Yandere!Playboy X Taken! Male Reader》
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Note that this is a reupload from my previous blog @hyerinrose
T/W : yandere behaviour, infidelity, suicidal thoughts, possessive behaviour, internalised homophobia, Obsessive behaviour.
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Everything was perfect. (Name) is content with the cards he has been dealt with in his life. He had a loving and supportive family, his academics performance were outstanding and most importantly he is dating the girl of his dream, Maya.
Although they had only been going out for a few months, (Name) could already picture a future with the girl. Call him a hopeless romantic but he can't help it!
"(Nameeeeee) you're spacing out againn. Am I that boring?"
Maya voice snapped him out of his thoughts.The two were currently on a date at an ice cream parlour. (Name) stared at his girlfriend who's sitting across the table, admiring her beauty.
(Name) might be biased but Maya is an absolute beauty in his eyes. Her long dirty blonde hair was tied into a braid and slung against her shoulder, green irises and specks of freckles complimented her already pretty face.
"It's not like that, Aya. You're so beautiful I can't help but be put into a trance" (Name) said with a smile that eventually broke into a grin as Maya grew flustered.
"Oh hush you! S-stop laughing at me (Nameeee)!
"Maya flicked her matcha flavoured treats at him, to which (Name) retaliated by flicking his own (F/Flavour) ice cream.
The display of affection between the two was ignored by many other except for one individual who stared at them with curious eyes. Sapphire eyes trailed over the couple that was absorbed in their own world, foolishly in love.
Xavier first reaction towards the couple was envy. He had been pursuing Maya for months to add to his ever-growing list of girls he had bedded. However he was always met with hard-cold refusal from her.
'She rejected me for this loser of a man? Unbelievable' He sneered in his mind.
He then observed the 'loser' Maya had chose over him. (H/C) flowed gently with the breeze, his (E/C) twinkled with happiness as he goof around with the girl. (Name) smiled brightly that it could put the sun to shame.
As he thought, Plain. Boring. Average.
The man were not even close to Xavier's level, he's practically a dirt in his eyes. Obviously Xavier is better than that loser? He's going to show Maya that he's better than him.
'No matter what, I'm going to take her away from you'
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Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock.
The sounds were numbing Xavier's brain the longer the hours dragged on. Half of the students were already asleep 10 minutes into the lesson.
He would've been sleeping too had he not been keeping his eyes trained on his rival who's only two seats away from him. Xavier swore he's only staring because he needs to find a dirt on (Name).
".... Mr (Name), you would be pairing with Mr Xavier for this project" His teacher called out the two boys' names causing both of them to stare at each other incredulously.
"With the pairings have been set, be sure to turn in your work by next week. Class is dismiss" the teacher wave them off and left the classroom.
The two boys had different feelings in being paired with one another. (Name) was devastated, Xavier seems like a dickhead who would force him to do all the work and take all the credits afterward. Alas, he had to push through anyway, the project was 20% of his grades.
Xavier however was elated, warmth spreads throughout his body at the mention of his and (Name)'s name together. Great! Now Xavier can spend a lot of time observing (Name) even closeㅡ
Wait. Why the hell is he acting like this? He's not into (Name).
He's after Maya! Xavier's not.. gay is he? No, he's not.
"Hey" (Name)'s voice jolted the player from his spiralling thoughts. His cheeks heats up and he could feel his heart speeds up.
'I'm just surprised is all. Nothing weird' he reasoned.
"What? Hurry up, I've got no time for nobodies like you" Those words slip out of his tongue easily as if he wasn't panicking with having (Name) this close to him.
The (H/C) male sighed through his nose and held out his phone. Xavier rose his eyebrow at the action.
"I need your numbers for this project. I'll delete it after we're done if it bother you so much" (Name) open his contacts to add Xavier's info.
Surprisingly, Xavier obediently agrees and handed over his phone for (Name) to input his own numbers with no complaint.
"Thanks. I'll contact you about the details later" (Name) then left him all alone in the classroom with conflicted feeling brewing inside of him.
'Damnit.. what is wrong with me?'
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A week went by and Xavier had made a ground breaking discovery about himself.
After constant denial of his feelings, he had finally came to the conclusion that the one he was interested in wasn't Maya. No, it was her boyfriend, (Name).
The short time they spent together were the push he needed to realise his infatuation with the male. All those things he described (Name) were the exact opposite of what he truly is.
(Name) was kind to him despite being reluctant to pair up with him early on, his sense of humour was immaculate. Xavier had never laughed so hard in his life before the jokes (Name) would crack while working through their project.
(Name) is perfect. He's everything Xavier had been looking for.
Xavier obsesses over the (H/C) male, stalking him, stealing little trinkets (Name) left by accident. Taking millions of polaroids and sticking them to his walls.
However Xavier was brought back to reality when they submitted the project. (Name) was never his, the time they spent together were that of a friends. Soon his beloved will go back to being around that pest of a girl.
His previous envy were now turned towards Maya. The time (Name) spent with her could've been with him. (Name)'s kisses should've belongs to him, (Name)'s affection and love should've belongs to him. (Name)'s everything should've belong to him!
Xavier decided that he had enough of this and will take things to his own matter. One way or another, (Name) will be his.
•┈••✦ 🎀✦••┈•💌•┈••✦ 🎀 ✦••┈•
(Name) felt tears welling up his eyes as he watches the video on his phone. It was all over the school, his girlfriend Maya had cheated on him with his friend, Xavier.
He closed the video and shut his phone off as he furiously wiped his tears. The students around him gave him a pity look, they wouldn't let this slide. (Name), the most sweetest guy is being hurt by his girlfriend?
They're going to make her life a living hell until she either moves away or take her own life.
Xavier approached (Name) who was sobbing in one of the stalls. The (H/C) took notice of this immediately and scrambled to walk away. He's not ready to face with the man he thought was his friend.
"Oh no you don't, (Name). Don't you dare run away from me!" Xavier pinned the boy on the stall. Leaving him no room to escape.
"Whatㅡ what else do you want from me?! You slept with my girlfriendㅡ what more do you want?" (Name) said while struggling under Xavier's surprisingly strong hold.
His breath hitches when the player got close to his face, their nose touching.
"You. I want you. Everything I've done is for you, (Name). I had to get rid of her since she was nothing more than a homewrecker! You belong to me (Name) and I had enough of seeing her taking things from you that were supposed to be mine!" Xavier were manic, his blue eyes were crazed.
"Whaㅡ" (Name) were terrified.
"Hey, (Name). I love you a lot you know? And I'm going to show you it~"
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faerygrant · 1 year ago
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so much wine - carmen berzatto x reader
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summary: Carmen wants to prove to you that your relationship means a lot to him, what better way to do so than introducing you to his mother over dinner.
warnings: angst, swearing, minor injury, crazy Donna Berzatto appearance
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Christmas time in Chicago was indeed the most wonderful time of year, in your opinion of-course. Snow was falling, trees brightly decorated in twinkling fairy lights and colourful ornaments and most of all, it was a time for reuniting with family and friends.
The beginning of your relationship with Carmen was…unorthodox to say the least. He hadn’t asked you to be his girlfriend in the normal way most men did, it was an awkward three months into your “arrangement” of sleeping together, him being partially moved into your brownstone and being introduced to all of his staff at the Bear when you finally posed the question. What are we?
He was stunned, you were stunned and you both stood there for a good 5 minutes in silence until he admitted he thought you were already dating, causing you to let out a loud sigh of relief. You’d told him that usually one asks the other to be their girlfriend to which he just shrugged and smiled, telling you he wanted you to be “his forever.” That satisfied you.
Now meeting his family wasn’t a big deal to you, you’d met Nat only a month into the relationship, as she was regularly at the restaurant, you’d heard about what happened to his brother but never pestered him much about it, as for the rest of his family, he never spoke much about them. He of-course called Richie cousin but you were mad very aware early on by Carmen, that they weren’t actually related in any way.
It hadn’t bothered you much until one night a few weeks ago, while out with your friends, Christmas plans were mentioned, one of them asking if you’d be spending it with yours or Carmy’s parents to which you admitted you hadn’t yet met them. Most of the girls shrugged it off but Mia, your highschool friend had taken this as a red flag.
“You’ve been with him for a year, he’s met your parents, you guys LIVE together and you haven’t met his mom?” Her eyes bulged in disbelief, leading you to down your cosmo worriedly.
“I’m sure it’s nothing and if it is, he probably has good reason. He could be protecting you, you never know” Your other friend Maisie assured, ever the voice of reason. You smiled at her words. Though you couldn’t pretend that you hadn’t began to internalise what Mia had said. You knew Carmy’s dad left when they were younger, but he never mentioned his mother, ever. Unless Sugar did and he’d always step out when they’d speak about her. The only photos you’d seen of her were when you’d visit Sugar and Pete’s and even then, they were old ones.
So yes, despite the holiday being the most wonderful time of the year, the past few days the issue of Carmen’s mom had been weighing on you heavily. You’d considered prying information out of Richie, but you knew he was too loyal to Carmen, Fak would rat you out to Richie, who once again, would alert Carmen of your questions. You knew the best thing to do was either ask your boyfriend or forget about it, unfortunately your brain wasn’t going to allow yourself to do either.
Luckily for you, Carmen had noticed how out of it you’d been acting the past days and had finally had enough. So one evening after work, the restaurant closing early due to heavy snow, Carmy had approached you, ready for answers.
“Are we good?” He asks, taking a seat beside you on the bed. His tattooed arms bulging as he crossed them, adorned in a navy sweater and grey sweats. His hair was a curly mess probably from the windy evening air and he smelt of cigarette smoke and cologne.
“Wha- why wouldn’t we be?” You place the book you were reading besides you on the table and turn to look at him, feigning innocence.
“I dunno, you’ve just been actin’ kinda’ off past couple a days” he pauses, brining your knuckles to his lips and slowly grazing them with kisses. “Thought maybe you were mad at me” his tone is questioning.
“Oh Carmy, it’s not that.” You feel horrible, leaning into him to peck at his face. “It’s just that the girls and I were discussing Christmas plans and the conversation slipped into parents and Mia pointed out the fact that you’ve never introduced me to your mom, even though you’ve met both of my parents.” Immediately you see the way he tenses up, his veins appearing and his body stiffens.
“That really what’s been botherin’ you?” He asks genuinely.
“Yeah.”
“I jus- my ma’s not all there.” He whispers quietly, you notice how difficult it is for him, so you take his big hand in yours, squeezing tightly.
“Carmen I understand, it’s just important for me. If we’re going to be married one day and start a family than I’d like to meet her. The last thing I’d do is judge her.” You assure him, hopping he’d somehow believe you.
“I dunno, we’ll see.” He whispers, failing to meet your gaze.
“Alright.”
-
It was two weeks later, with lots of talking, deep heart to hearts and support from Nat and Pete, Donna Berzatto was coming to dinner at your an Carmy’s place. Carmy was a nervous wreck, insisting on working on the food in the kitchen while you just relaxed and set the table.
He warned you about her and so did Nat, you thought you had an idea of what to expect, what was to come walking through that door in a few minutes but you’d underestimated Donna Berzatto, oh how you’d underestimated her.
Carmen had just placed the braised lamb dish on the table, while you popped open the bottle of red for the night when the sound of your doorbell continuously being rung alerted the both of you. That wasn’t the only sound however, shouts of “Carmen!” Sounded from the door, along with the banging of a flat palm. Ok so maybe you knew where the night was going to be headed.
Carmen sighed, rubbing your shoulder assuringly before making his way to the front door.
“My baby boy, oh you look tired and pale, why?” You heard her fussing, her voice echoing from the foyer.
“I’m fine Ma s’jus winter.” Carmen mumbles, when finally you see her walk into the dining room. Her blonde hair is curled, red lipstick, smudged eyeliner from what you can only assume was a cry session before she’d gotten here, a bottle of whiskey in hand and long bright red manicured nails.
“Mrs Berzatto, it’s nice to finally meet you.” You hold your hand out to shake hers and she simply looks you up and down before looking to Carmen.
“Would you turn the heat up in here Carmen, I’m freezing.” She exaggerates, before taking a seat at the table, completely dismissing your introduction.
“Ma, she was talkin’ to you, don’t be rude.” Carmy speaks, already becoming frustrated with his mother. She had the audacity to show drunk and disheveled, reeking of whiskey and then act rude towards his girlfriend.
“Didn’t hear her.” She shrugs, making herself at home and reaching for the bottle of wine which she grabs, pouring a generous amount into a glass and chugging.
“It’s fine baby, just turn the heat up, I’ll serve the food.” You brush his arm affectionately. You’d try to remain composed, you’d try not to let her win, after all it was your idea in the end to have her over and you weren’t going to crack easily.
Donna had somehow settled, the three of you eating in awkward silence, the only sound being the scraping of forks and knives and sips of wine, mostly on Donna’s part.
“So Mrs Berzatto, what’ve you been up to recently?” You attempt again at conversation with her.
“Not seeing my son obviously, since you’ve got him cooped up in here, you the reason he doesn’t even bother to call his mother anymore?” She drops her fork against her plate, a loud “clank” ringing throughout the room.
“Ma you know exactly why I haven’t called, stop tryna’ blame her.”
“Oh so now I’m the bad guy for missing my baby boy?” She stands dramatically from her seat, the table shaking slightly. She’s hysterical, tears beginning to stream down her face as she points an accusatory finger at you.
“You think I don’t know what you’re doing, tryna use my son for his money and steal him away from me.” Her arms are moving wildly and before you know it, the glass of wine had swung off the table, the glass shattering onto the white tile. A large puddle of red, dripping below the table.
“Fuck, shit, fuck I got it” Carmen groans, but you push him to sit back down. You already felt guilty for pressuring him into inviting his mom over, he knew how it would go but you’d been so stubborn.
“It’s fine I’ve got it Carmy.” You try reaching for the pieces of glass while you hear Donna continuing her blabbering rant. You’re so distracted that you don’t even realise the blood that begins to pour from your palm.
“Fuck” you mumble, not wanting to alarm Carmen, however you’re too late.
“See what you fuckin’ made her do ma? Get the fuck out of our house now, I tried to give you the benefit of the doubt for her and you treat her like this? Not fuckin’ havin it, we’re done here!” He shouts and his mother is stunned.
“You’re really going to speak to your own mother like that?”
“Yes, and I’m going to show you to the fuckin’ door now”
-
“You sure you okay baby, no more pain?” Carmen asks for what feels like the hundredth time, his lips grazing your bandaged hand.
“I’m sure Carmy, thank you for cleaning me up.” He just smiles at you, resting his head in the crook of your neck.
“Carmen?”
“Hmm?” It comes out muffled, the sensation tickling your neck.
“I’m sorry for pestering you, you were right about her”
“Don’t apologise, you were curious and you deserved to know and see for yourself.”
“I know but I shouldn’t have pressed you, you were just protecting me, and I love you for that.” He removes his face from your neck, kissing you tenderly and whispering a quiet “I love you too”
-
“Can I ask you something?” He questions later while the two of you are in bed, cuddled up under the sheets.
“Anything.” You assure.
“Does this change the way you see me?”
“Never, you’re not your mother Carmy.” And those words are assuring enough to allow him to fall asleep peacefully that night.
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fangirlyness · 8 months ago
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Tsukutabe is truly something. I've not felt such a connection - and hyperfixation - with a fictional world in over a decade.
For years, I've been fearful of the word "lesbian" and would avoid using it for myself, even though it accurately describes who I am. I'd say: other words fit me better, and I have the power to choose whatever I want. I'd also say: well, words don't really matter, so whatever.
"Lesbian" has not felt comfortable, and at times, felt wrong for me. Sometimes, these stigmas we've internalised can be tough to budge.
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For Nomoto and Yako to explicitly and repeatedly call themselves lesbians has been so healing for me. To see Asian women, like me, on-screen owning this word without shame has changed me for the better. It is just a word, and a meaningful one that has helped Nomoto, Kasuga, and Yako understand themselves, each other, and their place in the world better. It's brought them comfort and love and a chosen family. Sayama and Nagumo have been wonderful catalysts for Nomoto and Kasuga's journey to self-discovery.
The idea that the word "lesbian" could one day be part of me as well seems possible now, and not so scary. I mean, I even made a post about the word!
This is one reason - of many, many, so many reasons - for why I've felt such a draw to Tsukutabe.
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And of course, thank you to @furritsubs for your thoughtful subtitles and informative notes. Without your hard work, I - and so many other people who don't know Japanese - could not have experienced the treasure that is Tsukutabe.
I would also love to thank the actors, author, screenwriter, and other staff involved in the show directly, but ahhhhhh, I'm too shy. So I'll thank them indirectly here - thank you so much. You have no idea how impactful your work has been for me.
Tsukutabe elevates kindness, sincerity, and living as you are, as honestly as you can. This is what I've needed, and I imagine what others might have needed too.
These characters and their world will stay in my heart forever.
Thank you, Tsukutabe.
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gonzo-rella · 7 months ago
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Headcanons: Being Wallace Wells' Trans Boyfriend
MASTERLIST | AO3 | KO-FI
EDIT: Although this fic was written with a more binary trans reader in mind, I'm hoping this fic will also be suitable for AFAB nonbinary people who are masc or male adjacent, which is where I might be at. I'm currently working dating hcs for Wallace with a nonbinary reader (which will be suitable for both AFAB and AMAB readers).
Relationship(s): Wallace Wells x transmasc!reader (romantic)
Warnings/info: Trans typical stuff, like dysphoria, transphobia etc. etc., sexual remarks, he/him pronouns for reader, headcanons were written in one sitting, when I was feeling not great. (Let me know if I need to add any)
(A/N: I've been reading a lot of Succession fics over the last few days. Last night I read a Roman Roy fic and for some reason it gave me this overpowering wave of dysphoria that I still have yet to fully recover from. Annoyingly, I have yet to actually watch Succession so this could have been avoided; I just think Kieran Culkin's hot and very gender so I couldn't resist pretending that someone with his face was my boyfriend. Reading about Roman made me think 'oh shit. Maybe I'm a flawed and pathetic little guy on the inside. But I just look like a woman who likes to kiss women and everyone treats me like a girl and uses my girl name and girl pronouns and that feels super gross and makes me want to live in a hole. Now I'm going to feel bad about that for the next few days.' So, yeah, I'm having another transmasc crisis that I'm using fanfiction to get me through. I figured Kieran Culkin started this, so I might as well write something featuring a character of his that I can actually write for. This is a self-indulgent and self-explorative treat for myself, but I hope that transmasc readers can enjoy this, too. If you'd like more Wallace stuff, trans stuff or Wallace AND trans stuff, feel free to send in a request. I really want to provide more fics for transmasc readers because you guys are super underrepresented (and, y'know, Papa Gonzo-rella wants to explore his gender a little more). Also, I swear that I will get around to watching Succession, and I more than likely will end up writing for it when I do.)
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Respectfully, Wallace does not give a shit that you’re trans.
Of course, he doesn’t flat-out ignore it, because it’s part of who you are, but it isn’t an obstacle in your relationship by any means, and it doesn’t bother him in the slightest.
If you’re feeling dysphoric and/or otherwise insecure about yourself, he’ll pinch your cheeks and tell you how handsome and sexy you are.
If you’re feeling especially bad, like ‘not getting out of bed and hiding from the world’ bad, he’ll keep you company and say what he can to reassure you.
Being mushy and sincere truly isn’t his thing, so whatever he says will sound either slightly insensitive (but still pretty sensitive as far as Wallace goes), facetious or like he wants you to get over how you’re feeling so he can fuck you.
But, he genuinely doesn’t want you to feel bad and you can tell he cares, because otherwise he wouldn’t be there for you when you're feeling your worst.
Wallace is very affirming, but in his own Wallace way.
He lovingly refers to you as his lameass boyfriend.
If Scott ever compliments you about anything, Wallace will call him gay.
He will shout ‘gay’, like the Senor Chang meme.
"Hey, man, I like your shirt-"
"Ha, Scott's gay!"
"I-I'm not gay! I just like his shirt."
"What's wrong with being gay, Scott?"
"Nothing! There's nothing wrong with being gay!"
"You really need to work on your internalised homophobia, Scott. To think, my gay lover and I share a bed with a bigot."
If you’re doing anything that he knows will make you dysphoric or exacerbate your dysphoria (for example, scrolling through social media and looking at cis dudes that give you gender envy) he’ll shut it down.
Using the aforementioned example, he’ll snatch your phone off you and close the app, saying: “Nope. Make better decisions.”
And, while you’d initially be annoyed at him for grabbing your phone, you will appreciate it in the long run.
If you have testosterone shots but you’re not a fan of doing them yourself, he’ll begrudgingly help you with them.
He will make a very Wallace comment, though
“Stabbing? I didn’t know you were that kinky.”
If anyone’s a dick to you about being trans, Wallace is always ready to go with a snide remark about the other person, because of all the things you could possibly mock his lameass boyfriend for, being trans is at the bottom of that list.
(He should know, as the person who makes fun of you the most.)
Also, he cares about you very, very much and he doesn't want people being transphobic to his boyfriend.
If you’re cool with it, he will make trans jokes, but nothing ‘attack helicopter’ or ‘attack helicopter’ adjacent, because he’s too clever for that and he can come up with better material that isn’t just derivative, transphobic garbage.
If you get your period and it makes you at all dysphoric, be prepared for this exchange:
“Don’t worry. Scott pissed blood last month and cried about it and he’s still a man.”
“Did-did he go to the doctor?”
“I don’t know. He seems fine now, though.”
If you still have boobs and don’t mind them being touched or otherwise acknowledged, he will use them like a pillow.
If you decide to get top surgery, he will make the following request:
“Well, if you’re not using them, can I have them? I need a pillow that Scott won’t steal. And, he wouldn’t steal your tits, because he knows I’d call him gay for it.”
“Why are you like this, Wallace?”
“Selfish.”
Being trans doesn’t make your relationship much different from any of Wallace’s other relationships.
You’re just, for better or worse, another one of Wallace’s boyfriends.
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