#it’s an epic love story and i now speak as if that is a given

[anonymityisfunwriter]

Once Upon A December

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader Summary: Of all the things your heart used to know, things it years to remember, Bucky Barnes is at the top of that list.

A.N. - I feel like you guys just haven't been made aware, but one thing about me, I love a good musical.

Bucky Barnes Masterlist | Anon's Birthday Celebration

Bucky softly swallows the air that seems to get more sparse as he thinks, truly thinks, about his latest conclusion. "I just - I think it's time."

His hands fold together, he hunches over, barely able to tear his eyes off the ground.

"I can't tell you what to do here, Buck."

"I know."

"Do what you think is best."

"Best?" He bitterly chuckles. "There is no best. I just - I'm hurtin' the both of us by holding on. And I don't want to hurt her anymore."

"You don't have to explain yourself to me."

"I feel so guilty every time I look at her." Bucky lightly gasps for air. "And God, I - Sometimes, I think that maybe that's the reason I'm the only one she doesn't remember."

Steve grips Bucky's shoulder, "Buck... it wasn't your fault."

"How do I let her go?" Bucky brokenly whispers. "How do I mourn the love of my life when I know she's right there, she's alive?"

Steve finds himself at a loss for words. There was no answer. Nothing he could say. It was a truly impossible situation. "I'm so sorry."

He shakes his head, clearing his throat, "I should go talk to her."

"I think she was in your - in her room."

Bucky winces at the correction. It wasn't their room anymore. Now, it was your room. He'd given you the space to try to regain that void in your memory.

And yet, it's all so painfully familiar. It's muscle memory. Walking to your room. Knocking on your door. The only difference is now, it doesn't feel like coming home, it feels more like the procession to his own funeral.

"James..." Your tone is flat, unsure as you open the door. He hates the guilt glistening in your eyes. He sees it every time you look at him. He hates that he's the one that made you feel that way.

When it first happened, when he first realized that he was nothing but a blurry figure dancing through your memory, he tried telling you.

He tried filling every detail of your epic love story in your mind. He tried forcing himself back into your memories. Nothing brought back the look of love and adoration in your eyes.

He offers a heavy smile, "Hi. Can I come in?"

You nod, stepping away from the door to allow him into his former home. The place looks the same, with the notable exception of the traces of him.

You settle on the couch. He sits on the small loveseat, perpendicular to you. "How are you?"

He licks his lips, offering a small shrug, "I start therapy in a few days again."

"Oh."

"What about you?"

Your voice is far more curt than you intend, "I didn't remember anything if that's what you're asking."

His heart stammers, "No. That's not what I meant."

"Sorry, I didn't sleep very well. Not that it's an excuse."

"Nightmares?"

"Just the same one." You're not sure how much detail he cares to hear, but the way he waits for you to continue is almost a comfort. Your eyes squeeze shut as the memory plays on a loop. "I - I don't remember the mission. Just bits and pieces. I was alone. On the rooftop. And then I see the HYDRA agent's face. When they push me. That's where the nightmare starts... I fall. It's dark. I can hear someone screaming my name. And it's over."

"You weren't alone on the roof."

"What?"

"I was on the roof with you. We were scoping out the area. They came out of nowhere."

Your eyes widen. It clicks. The sound of the voice screaming after you. It almost perfectly matches the timbre of his voice. Only now, his voice sounded strained, tried. "You were screaming my name."

Bucky nods, "I jumped after you. I didn't make it in time. I found you laying in your own blood."

"I'm sorry, James."

He hates the sound of his name so formal leaving your mouth. He can't help himself as he speaks, "You never used to call me that."

"Oh?"

A sad smile tugs at the corner of Bucky's mouth, "You only called me James when you were upset. Or when I was annoying you."

A light chuckle leaves your lips, "What did I call you when you weren't annoying me?"

"Bucky. Buck." He shrugs. He swallows the knot forming in his throat, his voice wavering, "A lot of pet names. I pretended to hate it, but I didn't."

You look up to see tears shining in his eyes. His voice breaks as he continues on, "You called me Sarge when you were joking or being flirty."

You reach forward, squeezing his hand. A tight knot forms in your throat, "I'm sorry I can't be the girl you remember."

He looks down at the warmth of your hand resting on his. He's acutely aware that this is the first time you've initiated contact with him since you forgot him.

He swallows back his tears, "You didn't take off your ring."

"It didn't feel right to." You start sliding the ring off, "I should probably give it back."

He immediately stops you, "Keep the ring."

"Steve said it was your mother's. I couldn't."

He shakes his head, his heart clenching with pain, "I won't need it."

You rest your hand on your chest. Your heart yearns to remember him, to remember his place in your life. It was right there. Like a word on the tip of your tongue. You could feel the memory of him glowing in the recesses of your memory, glowing as dim as an ember.

You were so close, and yet, it wasn't enough. "I want to remember. I so badly do."

He stroke a stray hair out of your face. Sitting this close to you, he takes a long moment to memorize every detail. The slope of your nose. Your eyes. Your lips. He knows he'll never be this close to you again.

He had to stop hurting you. He had to stop hurting himself.

"I know."

You rest your forehead against him. It feels both so foreign and so familiar all at once.

"Can I - Can I kiss you?" he asks. "Just one last time."

You nod, your heart shattering at the sound of the hurt in his wavering voice.

His flesh hand rests against your cheek. Your breath shudders, dancing across his lips. His nose brushes against yours. Once. Twice. You find yourself leaning forward, closing the distance. His lips brush against yours hesitantly at first. You can't help but notice the way they mold against yours perfectly.

The song that vaguely echoed in the back of your mind gets louder and louder, echoing with thoughts of him. The memory of him rattles against your skull, begging you to remember.

Your hand moves from its place on the cushion to his shoulder. Slowly, it creeps down to rest just above his racing heart. You hum against his lips, pulling yourself away from him.

You look up at him, your eyes shining up at him like they once used to. "Bucky?"

Bucky Barnes Masterlist Anon's Birthday Celebration

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[puckinghischier]

Neighbors

nico hischier x fem!reader

summary - reader can’t bring herself to talk to her new neighbor

notes - guess who’s backkkkkk!!! y’all i have missed writing so much, and i’m so happy i could get this out to y’all. i’m a bit rusty so keep that in mind while reading, but i hope you enjoy it anyways. and as always, happy reading 🫶🏼

request - from my 400 follower celly - “Abort mission, I repeat, abort mission!” “What do you mean abort mission? All you were doing was introducing yourself to your neighbor?” “Yeah, and he’s too attractive. I can never speak to him again” with either luke or nico

[3.3k]

“I really think today is the day, Mia,” you speak in to the cell phone wedged in-between your shoulder and cheek, putting away a few decorative trinkets on the newly hung shelf above your TV.

“You’re telling me you’re actually going to talk to him?” She questions, her tone telling you she doesn’t believe you in the slightest.

“That’s exactly what I’m telling you miss ‘I don’t believe my best friend has the guts to talk to a cute guy,’” you huff out, stretching your arm as much as you can to reach the high shelf.

“I mean, your track record precedes you, Y/N. You’ve said for three weeks now you’re going to introduce yourself and the universe has given you every opportunity possible,” she references the several hallway and elevator encounters you’ve told her about. “but, instead of hearing about a meet cute to an epic love story each week, all I get are stories of why you couldn’t say more than a garbled hi to him before darting into your apartment.”

Finally reaching the shelf, you huff both in response to her statement and the large reach you just accomplished.

After moving in to your new apartment a month and a half ago, you learned on your second day here that your neighbor directly across the hall from you is the most attractive guy you’ve ever met.

You ran into him while carrying a few boxes up to your new space, almost plowing him over while stepping out of the elevator because of your blocked field of view from the stack of boxes.

You apologized profusely, your line of sight still blocked, telling the stranger you know you shouldn’t be carrying this many boxes at once, but you really didn’t want to make another trip down and up. You made a bad joke about deciding to test out your sonar detection incase your eye sight ever left, and gave a few low, drawn-out beeps resembling those you’ve heard on TV.

When you heard the deep chuckle from the other side of the boxes, you turned yourself sideways to see who you almost ran over.

The man standing before you was simply the most attractive man you’ve ever seen in your life. His dark, incredibly soft looking hair matched his dark brown eyes perfectly. The light dusting of facial hair covering his face was definitely working in his favor. The smile on his face was really what made your cheeks heat, though.

Feeling the embarrassment of your terrible joke creep up your neck, you slipped out one more sorry and then all but sprinted to your (thankfully) unlocked door, not even offering your name.

It was that night you told Mia about the handsome stranger, vowing that you were going to redeem yourself one of these days.

Since then, you’ve ran into him what seems like every other day, but never could find the brain power to actually speak to him. It’s either the cliché of both of you leaving your apartment at the same time, or you both end up in the elevator together in complete silence due to your avoidance of uttering anything embarrassing in the confined space. There was one time you unknowingly parked your car beside of his, the two of you walking together the entire way up from the garage to your floor with only a small hi and a wave from you, because you pretended to be listening to your headphones in order to avoid awkward small talk.

“Well, I was never ready all of those times,” you rotate your shoulder in a few circles, trying to work out the small sting you caused. “This time I’m ready. I can feel it.”

“If I was the one living next to him I’d be feeling something alright,” Mia quips back in a suggestive tone, leading you to scoff at her raunchy joke.

“Mia, I’m being serious. I think today’s the day. It’s Tuesday, so I’m pretty sure he should be getting back from the gym around three, which means if I go down to the lobby and pretend to be getting back from a walk around that time I’ll have the perfect in,” you confide your plan in her, having thought about your strategy since last night.

“You are being so insane right now, can you even hear yourself? Just go knock on his door and ask to borrow sugar or something. Then, when he asks what you’re cooking, invite him over for dinner and BAM! a date you didn’t even have to try for,” she suggests.

“Mia, that sounds like the start to a bad porno, I’m not doing that,” you refuse her suggestion right as you hear several loud voices coming from the hallway outside of your door.

Walking over to look into the small peephole, you see not only your attractive neighbor, but several other insanely good looking-men standing outside of his door. You look down at the watch on your wrist, noticing it’s only two, confused as to why he’s home right now.

You can hear Mia chattering away in your ear, but you have no clue what she’s saying, your brain too focused on the men in your hallway.

“Mia, shut up. He’s home,” you interrupt your best friend, causing her to pause momentarily.

“What do you mean he’s home? Did you not just tell me he would be home at three?” she asks you.

“I mean, that’s how it’s been every Tuesday until now. But he’s home. And he has…friends over,” you whisper, worried that if you can hear them they can hear you.

“Friends? Like, other guys? Or does he have a bunch of girls over? Y/N, if he has a bunch of girls at his apartment right now maybe this isn’t the kind of guy you want to go after. Seems like he can’t make up his mind. Or maybe he’s trying to be the next Hugh Heffner and is holding auditions out of his apartment,” you listen to her ramble. “And if that’s true you definitely don’t want to involve yourself with all that. I mean, can you imagine-“

“Mia, so help me God if you don’t shut the fuck up right now I’ll hang up on you,” you snap out, not enjoying her wandering mind.

Watching the men on the other side of your door laugh and converse has you even more curious. You’ve wondered since you moved in what he does for work. The hours he comes and goes are often inconsistent and don’t line up with any job you know of. He never seems to have the same days off, and sometimes you even go several days without seeing any sign of him.

You’ve wondered if he was a doctor, because it would explain the late nights and odd hours, but you’ve never seen him wearing scrubs, all of the men in the hallway currently sporting athletic wear. You thought maybe he was a lawyer, because you see him wearing suits pretty often, but he never carries a briefcase or anything else to prove your theory. You’ve even contemplated that he owns his own company, seeing as he seems to work when he wants and would explain the random down time in the middle of week days.

Of course, you understand you also have a lot of free time during the week, but you have a typical, nine to five office job, you just haven’t started at your new branch yet. Which is partially to blame for the new found obsession with your new neighbor’s whereabouts. You have way too much free time on your hands.

“Damn, someone’s grumpy today. It’s all that pent up frustration from not talking to mystery man. Just go outside and say hi already. Or is today really not the day?”

Even though she can’t see you, you roll your eyes at your friend’s words.

She’s teased you endlessly about this since the second you mentioned him to her. She’s even made a tally of how many times you’ve claimed you were going to speak to him and then didn’t (13 times to be exact). You know she’s just poking fun, but you also know she won’t stop doubting you until you actually do it.

It’s this that prompts you to tell her “You know what, fuck it. Today is the day,” and open your door.

The voices in the hallway stop, all four heads turning to look at you.

Your phone is still being held to your ear with one hand, while the other hangs down at your side.

Your neighbor, standing in the middle of the group, gives you a warm smile, taking in your appearance.

When you look down at your stained t-shirt and your neon pink pajama pants, you mentally palm your forehead, not even thinking to change before making your grand gesture.

Looking back up at the group, heat rising up your neck and to your cheeks, you freeze, the simple “Hi” lost on your tongue.

With furrowed brows and a tilted head, your neighbor speaks out a soft, “Hey there, you okay?”

You nod your head a little too aggressively and manage to squeak out a ‘Fine! Peachy! Never been better!” before slamming your door.

Turning and leaning against the cool door, you close your eyes and try to block out the memory of what just happened.

“Girl…I don’t know what just happened, but that didn’t sound like a hi,” Mia speaks from the phone, startling you, having completely forgotten you were on the phone.

“Abort mission, I repeat, abort mission,” you shake your head no.

“What? Abort mission? All you were doing was introducing yourself to your neighbor? Just go back out there and try again,” she suggests, like it’s the easiest thing in the world.

“Yeah, and he’s too attractive. I can never speak to him again. Plan be damned, I’m going to have to move apartments again,” you whine out to her, letting the dramatics take over.

“Oh shut up, it’s not that bad. I’m sure he’s already back to talking about whatever with his friends. He’s probably not even going to remember it by the next time you see him,” she refuses to play into your drama. “Plus, you’re a catch. I’m sure he’s been as curious about you as you are about him. Sometimes the silent treatment works wonders.”

A knock on the door you’re leaning against startles you, causing you to jump away from it as if it’d burned you.

“Mia, someone’s knocking,” you whisper, looking out of the peep hole to see your neighbor’s smiling face looking back at you.

You let out a small yelp, jumping back again while covering your mouth with your hand, knowing it’s likely he just heard you.

“Mia it’s him. He’s literally knocking on my door, what do I do?” you ask he as he knocks again.

“Oh my god, you dumbass, answer it! This is your in!” she exclaims through the speaker.

“I can’t answer it! I’m wearing a ridiculous outfit! And I just opened and slammed my door in his face like a freak. Plus-“ you’re cut off by a muffled voice.

“You alright in there? I know you’re standing at the door, I can hear your voice. I just want to make sure you’re okay and didn’t need anything. Sorry if we startled you,” his accented voice carries through the thin door.

“I’m hanging up now, go talk to your man,” Mia chuckles and hangs up the phone, leaving you on your own to deal with the situation before you.

Cursing her, you bring your phone away from your face and wipe your hands on your fluffy pants.

“Uh, yeah, I’m fine. Sorry about that,” you speak through the door.

“You know, if you open the door I won’t bite,” your neighbor jokes, causing another wave of embarrassment to settle in your stomach, not knowing why you decided that talking to him through the door was a normal thing to do.

Taking a step towards the door, you reach for the handle and open it. You’re greeted with the handsome stranger standing not even a foot from your door, no sign of his friends.

He gives you an amused, but warm smile.

“See? It’s just little old me out here,” he brings his hands up in a surrender pose.

You give him a nervous laugh.

Observing his athletic attire, you admire the poorly hidden muscles peeking out from under his compression shirt. The sight makes your cheeks tinge red once again.

When he senses you’re not going to speak, he breaks the silence instead.

“So, you sure you’re okay? You seemed a little…frazzled a few minutes ago. Wanted to make sure we didn’t scare you or anything,” he starts. “I imagine four large hockey players standing outside of your door might seem a little intimidating to a single woman living alone,” he brings his hands down from his face, sticking them in the pockets of his athletic pants.

You wonder if the surprise is evident on your face. In all the time you’ve spent brainstorming about his career, hockey never crossed your mind. You knew your new city had a huge hockey following, but you never thought you were living across from one of the sports’ players.

Realizing you still haven’t said anything, you clear your dry throat.

“Oh, no, you guys didn’t scare me. I just…I don’t know why I opened the door, to be honest. Guess I had a major brain fog moment or something,” you lie, hoping he buys your lame explanation.

The man standing in front of you lets out a small laugh, shaking his head slightly.

“Well, as long as we didn’t scare you, I guess we’re alright then.”

“Yup, we’re good,” you pop the ‘p’, rocking on your heels slightly, needing to channel your nervous energy somehow.

You expect this to be the end of the conversation, but he still stands there, observing you.

“So, do I get to know your name, neighbor?” he questions you, breaking the silence between the two of you for the second time.

His question surprises you slightly, not expecting him to drag the conversation out any longer.

“Well, I’ll tell you mine if you tell me yours,” you hear the words come out of your mouth, with an unintentional flirtatious undertone.

“Nico,” he tells you with a smirk, leaving room for your own reply.

“Y/N,” you move to cross your arms over your chest.

“Since you didn’t protest, I’m guessing you are?” he asks vaguely, causing your brows to furrow in confusion.

“I’m what?”

“Single and living alone,” his smirk only deepens.

Well shit. Is he…flirting with you? While you’re dressed like this? And have only ever made terrible impressions on him before?

“Well, Nico, that depends on why you’re asking,” your mouth is apparently miles ahead of your brain right now, not knowing where this sudden burst of confidence and flirty personality is coming from. “Are you asking because you’re curious about your weird new neighbor, or are you asking because you’re some kind of serial killer that’s stalking his prey?”

This earns a real laugh from him, not just a short chuckle, and you want to melt at the sound.

“I’m asking because I think my new, ‘weird’ neighbor just so happens to be very attractive, but I can tell that she’s far too shy to ever make a move on her own, so I figured I’d help her out a little bit,” he leans forward slightly.

His words make your mouth snap shut and causes you to stand up a little taller, not at all prepared for the conversation to take this direction.

All these weeks of you avoiding Nico, dodging him in the hallway and the elevator, flat out ignoring him from the car garage to your doors, not even being able to say one coherent word to him, and it’s all been pointless? He’s been thinking about you all this time too?

You feel so stupid in this moment. Knowing that he caught you, and knew that you were running from him this whole time makes you squirm, and not in a good way.

Your mind immediately goes back to Mia’s words not only earlier today, but every other time you’ve discussed the man standing before you. Her insistence that you were psyching yourself out for nothing and all you had to do was talk to him echoes through your mind.

“Oh…uh…well…in that case, yeah. I live single. Wait, no, I mean, I’m alone,” you wince, hearing the trainwreck coming out of your mouth. “Okay, I’m just going to shut up now and nod my head,” you shake your head yes, preventing any more jumbled words.

Nico laughs at you once again, clearly amused and not at all repulsed by your awkward nature.

“Well, I live single too. Just incase you were wondering,” he echoes your previous word stumble, shoulders still shaking from laughter.

“Twinsies,” you blurt out, holding your hand out for a high-five.

Before you can make your brain work like a normal, functioning person, Nico slaps his open palm against yours, biting his lip to keep from laughing again.

“I think I’m going to stop while I’m still slightly ahead,” you start, taking a step back into your apartment. “Thanks for checking on me, but clearly I’m lacking any coherent braincells right now, so I think I’m gonna get back to decorating,” you try to end the conversation, not wanting to give yourself anymore embarrassing moments to keep you up at night.

“Wait!” Nico quietly shouts, his face showing it was his turn to be embarrassed, clearly not meaning to have screamed in your face.

You pause the closing of your door, staring at him.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to shout. It’s just, do you want to grab dinner sometime? If you’re not interested that’s fine, but I wanted to at least put the offer out there before I don’t get the chance to speak to you again for another month,” he rushes his words a bit.

You’re so shocked you just stand there and stare at him for a solid minute, the braincells you lacked mere minutes ago now bouncing around in your head like a pinball machine.

Nico stands there expectantly, waiting on either an acceptance or rejection.

“Are you sure?” is what you manage to come up with.

“Yes, I’m sure,” Nico huffs out a laugh through his nostrils. “I’ll even do all the talking if you want.”

You knew you were already going to accept, but his offer made you feel slightly warmer inside. Obviously, he’s been victim to your inability to coherently speak during moments like these, but not pressuring you to carry a majority of the conversation and still wanting to spend the time with you despite your nervous habit sealed the deal even further.

Not trusting yourself to not botch your words once again, you nod your head yes, unable to hide the smile that makes its way onto your face.

Nico returns your smile, a triumphant look in his eyes letting you know he was genuinely worried you’d say no.

“Alright. Good. Awesome. Great.” Is all he says, taking a small step back towards his door.

“Well now you sound like me,” you tease, that small bit of confidence making its way back to you.

“Guess you’re rubbing off on me already,” he shrugs. “See you around?” he continues to walk backwards until he meets his closed door, jumping slightly when he runs into the solid material.

You giggle at him, nodding your head yes again, finding his sudden nervousness cute.

“See you around, Nico,” you give a small wave before shutting your door, taking in what just happened.

You unlock the phone still in your hand, clicking on Mia’s contact before bringing it up to your ear.

“Listen I know you’re mad at me, and I probably shouldn’t have hung up on you, but I knew you wouldn’t talk to him if I was on the phone and you needed a push, so really I did you a favor-“

“Mia, today was the day,” you interrupt another one of her rambles, grinning while hearing her screams to spill every detail.

[sanjoongie]

ᵢ wᵢₗₗ cₒₙₛᵤₘₑ yₒᵤ

🌺Second Submission for The Language of Flowers event held by @cultofdionysusnet

🌺Prompt Chosen: Endelweiss {courage, power}

🌺Pairing: Hwang Hyunjin x Reader (f)

🌺Genre: smut

🌺Trope: strangers to lovers

🌺Au: modern gods au, immortal au, dystopian au, priestess au

🌺Rating: 18+, MDNI

🌺Warnings: contains dark themes of sacrifice for the greater good, religious tones, suppression of the public by the government, execution speak, death Kinks>>> orgasm untouched, magic fingering, overstim, consensual ownership, dom! hyunjin, sub! reader, penetrative sex with no barrier, pull out method (glowing god cum!), breast play, biting, dacryphilia, aftercare

🌺Word Count: 3,878

🌺Summary: When a horrid government decides the only way to deal with you is to make you a priestess of a dark god, 'a great honor', when actuality is a death sentence, you put on your bravest face and go head to head with the horror of your fate. But when it turns out not everything is as it seems to be, just perhaps you could be in charge of your fate... if you survive, of course

🌺Author's Note: originally i had this entire story planned out for mingi and a slavic spring celebration and it was gonna be epic, but @anyamaris and Hyunjin hijacked my creative processes but i'm not complaining 😆 thank you once again for inspiring me anya 💞 love me some good god aus

🌺divider by @cafekitsune

"But what do we do with her?"

Bruised, battered and beaten, you kneel prostrate before a bench of dark faces. Men and women in charge of your life, who you've never met.

"She can't go unpunished," another supplies.

"But if we reveal to the public what she has done..."

The silence is palpable. How does one publicly punish a citizen and not make them a martyr for their cause? They were in a predicament.

One dry, old voice speaks up. "There is one option... he has an opening for a priestess."

This silence is sharp now, razor edged and worrisome.

"A Bride... yes... that would suffice..."

You'd have asked questions if you weren't gagged.

"A cover up. We could celebrate. Bring back the old ways. He would be pleased."

Your heart hammers in your chest when one of them says, "She wouldn't survive the night."

You begin to struggle when another agrees with, "He's a monster."

The guards drag you away as you hear, "There's a reason he has no permanent priestess."

All this because you dared to ask questions. Your government was not meant to be questioned, however. You wanted to know the why’s and how’s but you were just supposed to be a good little sheep that went with where the shepherd told you to go. 

Perhaps… that had evolved into poking and prodding. Perhaps you might have gone to a meeting or two of like-minded individuals who also had questions. But they also demanded answers. Perhaps your government didn’t know what to do with you once they caught you. Perhaps you were fucked.

“It’s a great honor to be dedicated to one of the gods,” a soft spoken priestess chirps as she offers you garments that were too luxurious for you to have ever touched before.

“But this one…” another hesitates.

The first one hushes the second. “We clothe you as a bride for you are committing your life to the God you shall be serving. He will provide you with everything you need for your life with him.”

“He?” You prompt.

“He,” the second says firmly. “Your job is not to ask questions but to receive his blessings.”

You reside yourself to being quiet and simply absorbing. There is a hint of fear in the air, you can feel it like goosebumps on your flesh. You try to not let it infect you but fear burrows deep into every part of your mind. 

You put on a brave face and smile when you’re being told again and again how much of an honor it is to be given to a god. To an immortal, having a human be an intermediary between his brilliance and the minds of the lesser, was an honor gifted. But was it an honor received? 

“A veil for our bride to be,” the soft spoken priestess offers and you bend down for the wizened old lady. She fixes it upon your head and spreads the black lace over your face.

“Now it is time to celebrate your honor.” The second priestess waves her hand to the door that will open to your fate.

You walk along a corridor of gathered people. They threw flowers at your feet, like they were truly celebrating your nuptials. They cheered and whistled and shouted well wishes. 

They didn't know they were celebrating your last day on this planet but at least they weren't jeering you at you as you made your way to an execution stage.

The grand path took you straight to the temple of the God of Chaos. You didn't know much about him but the temple had seen better days. Still, you kept your head high as the cheering died off when they realized where exactly you were going.

It was utter silence as the guards of the temple opened the door and you stepped through it. This was it; this was the beginning of your end.

The doors close behind you with a loud boom and then you are left with the dust and the disarray. The temple interior, for it lacked a priestess, had no upkeep. Melted candles and wilted incense cover every surface. Alcoves held art that didn't paint a pretty picture for you. There are burning cities and tornados and plagues. He truly was the god of chaos.

Well, there was no delaying the inevitable.

At the back of the temple, there was a chipped fresco of a door. You had been instructed to simply bow and wait for your ‘husband’ to receive you. So you threw yourself to your knees, with your black lace wedding dress pooled around you and said the words to summon the god in charge of your life now.

“Oh God of Chaos, oh husband of mine to be, please bestow unto me your earthly form, so that I may tend to all within your realm and shower you with prayers and attention,” You pray.

The mural of the door becomes murky and iridescent, like quicksilver alive, and through steps your God. His brilliance almost blinds you and you throw up an arm to brace yourself from the light.

A big sigh can be heard. “I forget how weak you mortals are,” the voice drawls.

The light recedes and you put your arm down. You had expected to see a monster but instead you are awestruck with beauty. The god, the man, has black hair down to his shoulders, held back in a simple half-up do. He needs no clothing of opulence but requires a simple robe, falling off one shoulder like he barely minded to keep clothed. He walks down the steps, pat pat pat, a pace of a lazy being, not held to the restraint of time. 

“Let’s see my bride,” He murmurs, chucking a finger under your chin.

You stare up at him, directly so, and see chaos swimming in his pupils. If he is your death, so be it. You would embrace it as if it was a gift. You refuse to go out whimpering like you regret your choices. You were firm in your stance that you deserved answers.

“Oh, how delectable,” the god smirks.

“Husband,” You reply demurely.

The god casts back his head in laughter, almost melodic in its sound. “Hyunjin. We can do away with that wife and husband stuff. Those are constructs of humans. I am not one of those.”

“Hyunjin, then,” You say, somewhat at half-mast. 

He tilts his head curiously. “You’re different from the other ones they sent me. Why?”

You chew hesitantly on your lip. What did you have to lose? Your life was already forfeit. So why not give this god the blunt truth. “They feared you. I do not.”

“Courage, hmm?” Hyunjin begins to pace around you, a sandaled foot slapping the slab of concrete. “You humans are wondrous and yet disappointing most days.”

You jut out your chin stubbornly. “Yes, courage. Now are you going to kill me or play with your food?”

The pacing stops and Hyunjin stares at you for a moment before a maniacal grin pulls at his features. “Play with my food, huh?”

You feel like your heart is akin to a trapped bird, beating its wings against your chest. Are you even breathing? What does an immortal get from killing a human? A temporary amusement and then flock back to their realm? 

“If you're my priestess now, will you pray at my temple?” Hyunjin runs the back of his finger down the lace of your arm.

“I--” You didn't know what to say but you could feel the underlying words. Is this how you survived?

“Please, Hyunjin, I would be your priestess. I would dedicate my life to serving you. I would--”

“What about your body?” Hyunjin wonders, biting down on his thumbnail. “Would you release it to my control? Give yourself utterly to me?”

“My body is no longer my own.” You collapse to the floor, arms above your head, palms up, knees still tucked under you. “Do with it what you will.”

“And what if my will was to have you bent over my altar?”

You gasp, sitting up. You cannot help yourself, because you did not expect to be spoken like this by a god. Then again, he was the god of chaos.

“If it would please you, Hyunjin, I would.”

“Would you?” Hyunjin cocks his head, looking to read the words on your face. “Would you let me part your moistened lips with my cock and we've barely introduced ourselves?”

“I know you said to do away with the constructs of humans, but if I am your wife and you are my husband, would we not consummate our marriage?”

Hyunjin holds your gaze, deep and dark, penetrating and digging. “I would. But I ask you again, Priestess, would you?”

You rose slightly on your knees until your lips were so close a flower petal would barely have room. “I would become your priestess in every way, Hyunjin.”

For if you had to fuck a god, one beautiful and tempting, and yes mad, would you not, in order to live? 

“Then I will take all that you have to offer. Your initiation to become my priestess begins now.”

With a flick of Hyunjin’s wrist, you find your body pushed up against the altar that he had been speaking of before. It is a rusty color, which you quickly dismiss from your mind as old blood. You brace yourself as you feel hands touching your legs, firmly pushing them apart but you feel no warmth of Hyunjin’s body behind you. Those same ‘hands’ rip the back of your dress and you feel the cool, dry air of the temple, giving you goosebumps.

“Human… why do you not have any underwear on?” Hyunjin drawls, still sounding far away.

You swallow, your mouth suddenly dry. “They did not supply me with any… the other priestesses…”

Hyunjin cackles wildly. Suddenly, with a snap of a finger, Hyunjin appears before you, a slight cocky smile tugging at his lips. “I love a good surprise.”

That being said, you watch with eyes big with wonder when Hyunjin makes a crude motion with his fingers. You feel as if he is fucking you with his fingers but he is directly in front of you. Whatever chaotic power the god wields, it’s fucking you good. You gasp and press your cheek to the cool stone of the altar, holding on as the ‘fingers’ push in and out of you. Hyunjin crooks his fingers in a come hither motion and you moan wantonly as he presses against your g-spot like he knew where it was all along. 

“Pray to me, Priestess,” Hyunjin croons softly.

You stutter and moan through broken sentences and Hyunjin glows with the soft power only a god must be able to hold. You’re sure he could make you explode into a tiny million red chunks but instead he uses his godhood in a pleasurable way on you, and you add a silent prayer that it remains that way.

You came on that altar untouched and a moment of shame runs through you. Are you truly that easy? But it was your life at stake, shouldn’t that also matter? You gasp on the altar, and the same hand that ‘made you come’ smoothes over your hair. “You did wonderfully for me, my lamb”

You raise your head curiously. “Did I pass?”

Hyunjin throws his head back and laughs a belly laugh, both high and low pitched at the same time. “My lamb, that was only the beginning.”

Hyunjin’s robe slips off his shoulder and pools on the floor below him, kicking off his sandals as well. He walks, slowly but firm-footed, around the altar to move behind you. His hands are soft but callus-worn against your hips as he guides you to turn around and face him. His eyes sweep over your face but when he finds no hesitation, only excitement, he grabs a handful of your dress at your chest and rips it open. 

He wraps one of your legs around his hips, almost lovingly, fingers skimming over your skin. “This is the next test, my lamb.”

You swallow trepidation down your throat, refusing to let your courage falter. “I can do it.”

Hyunjin crawls forward on his altar, hips slotted against yours. His cock is heavy against your mound, both slender and long. “They say I’m a monster, are you sure?”

You don’t speak anymore, but buck your hips upwards so your wet heat smears against his length. “You excite me, God of Chaos. I’m sure.”

Without further adieu, Hyunjin’s cockhead parts your moist lips, just like he had described previously. He pushes and pushes and pushes until he’s nestled deep inside of your heat. He moves with sure strokes that only delight you and send a thrum of pleasure through your system. He fondles a breast, thumb strumming your nipple to a pert peak. His hips do most of the work but soon he finds that your body writhes for him.

Hyunjin is quick to press you into the stone. A hand holds your hip down so that he can drive deeper into your depths. Another hand holds your hand above your head, fingers interlaced with strong support. He holds you down, not to keep you in place, but so that your pleasure doesn’t escape you. 

His dark eyes dart all over your face, picking up each minute frown and tiny gasp. His body speaks to yours, able to read how each stroke of his cock pushes you slowly forward to a pleasurable outcome. This is only his first time sheathed inside of you but he moves as if this was the thousandth time he’s fucked you. It’s poetry and you revel in the rhythm and rhymes.

“Hy-hyunjin,” You stammer. “I--”

“Go ahead,” Hyunjin encourages you, “Scream my name. It will only be one of many.”

Your limbs tighten as a force of lightning runs among your veins. You scream his name just like he commands, cunt convulsing around his perfect length. He doesn’t stop driving into you. At first it feels as if he is escorting you through your orgasm but then it feels too much and you cry out at the overstimulation.

“This doesn’t stop until I’m done with you,” Hyunjin whispers against the shell of your ear. “And I’ll never be done with you.”

Your insides feel as if you’ve been plowed a dozen times over, raw and sensitive, eventually giving over to another building of pleasure. You fight through your fog-filled mind to gasp, “Will… will you come as well?”

Hyunjin quirks an eyebrow at you. “A god comes only when he wants to. A seed given to a mortal can change the world's destiny.”

Hyunjin uses both hands to hold you down, a beautiful sheen of sweat covering his body and face. You briefly wonder if perhaps you will add a mural to the temple, one of this beautiful, chaotic god above you, beaming over you as if you are doing a fine job under him. Would that ruin his mythos or would it only add to it?

You find another orgasm with Hyunjin’s face buried into the crook of your neck. Hyunjin bites down on the junction, as if to ground himself. You’re raised on your hands and knees and taken like a beast from behind, if only to find another pleasure in the angle difference. You find your orgasm again and again. You feel like a quivering nerve, all exposed and lit with rapture.

But you don’t protest, simply whining through the pain to pleasure. You drink in everything Hyunjin gives you and it only makes his grin grow and grow. 

Hyunjin seems to feed off of you, in ways you didn’t quite understand. The god enjoyed fucking. He wasn’t lost in the pleasure, but it was more like he never finished seeking out yours. For each orgasm you discovered, each longer and more drawn out to pull from your shaking body, he was determined to pull another one from you.

“You know I could go from sunset to sunrise and still never have enough of this,” Hyunjin admits. 

You’re sweating and gasping for breath but still you find yourself yearning for more. Hyunjin simply looks to gift you with more pleasure than you possibly could hold but this feeling of being pampered, of being pleasured, it is intoxicating. You’re drunk off Hyunjin’s adoration of your body. 

Your limbs are entangled in a lover’s pile. Still, you broach the subject again. Courage seems to prop you up time after time. “Come inside of me, Hyunjin,” You plead with a hoarse voice. 

Hyunjin smiles angelically, clearly happy you insist on his pleasure. “Are you that greedy to carry a demi-god?”

You shake your head, surprised you even have the energy to do that. “I wish to see your pleasure written along your face.”

Hyunjin blinks in surprise and then laughs. “I am a god, I take pleasure in whatever I choose. You needn’t worry about me.”

Still, you press your case. “I wish to see your face when you come inside of me, Hyunjin. I want to see what it looks like when you’ve found pleasure inside of me. Is that not what a priestess is? Do I not serve you in the highest regard?”

Hyunjin runs a finger along the side of your face. “I have never had a priestess like you.”

“Then I passed the initiation? I am yours?” You raise yourself up with one arm.

“My lamb, you've been mine the moment you walked through that door,” Hyunjin whispers.

Hyunjin gathers you in his arms and presses your back against the mural where the world burns in the tiles. He penetrates you with ease, jaw dropping to mimic your own delighted gasp. With each thrust, his head nodding, following your own body rocking to his movements. He is enraptured by the way your pleasure made form in your features. 

“Hyunjin.” You feel tears pass over your cheekbones. 

“Don't be frustrated, you've done so well for me,” Hyunjin praises you, wiping away the rivulets of salt water. “I'll come, just like you wanted. I’d love to fill you up but I’d rather have you as a priestess than a god bearer for now.”

Hyunjin flexes his pelvis, his body making a wonderful line between your legs. You cling to his hips, legs locked behind his back, intent on showing the god you’re worthy of his climax. You squeeze down on him tightly, the crude squelching of your wetness and the way he is drilling into you echoing in the temple. His eyebrows furrow in concentration, teeth clamping down on his lower lip. You’re aware he won’t fill you up by his previous words but you’re simply looking forward to his orgasm. 

With a great shout, Hyunjin pulls out, rutting against your mound and he comes, his cum hitting both your stomach and his. It glows golden, just like his godhood and then dies, like a firefly fading out. You love the way his pink mouth parts open, face full of pleasure as he releases, even though it can't be in side of you. Still, the pleasure is yours. Hyunjin grins, breathing heavily, appearing sweaty but satisfied. “Was the show worth what you paid for?”

You sigh dreamily. “I only crave for more now.”

You groan loudly when your legs untangle from his body and Hyunjin pins you against the wall with both hands heavily on your shoulders. “You need a good soak, my lamb. I still forget how fragile humans truly are.”

“That would be very much appreciated,” You say hopefully.

With a wave of Hyunjin’s hand, your gown simply disappears from your body, like it had never been there in the first place. You feel relieved to be free of the costume the other priestess’ had put on you but didn’t realize the repercussions of revealing your full body to him.

With your ripped gown having been vanished, you send a tired smile Hyunjin’s way but find that his face is stormy with rage. “Hyunjin? What have I done?”

Hyunjin shakes his head, one iris becoming light while the other remains dark. “They hurt you?”

You purse your lips. “They seeked to punish me for my questions, Hyunjin. I wasn’t a good little citizen like they prefer.”

Hyunjin paces, his perfect thighs taut with the movement. “They beat you and then decided that a bruised fruit was good enough to be my priestess? They insult you and me in the same breath.”

“Hyunjin, I believe you promised me a long soak.” You hold your hand out, wiggling your fingers. You couldn't very well rewrite the past and you aren’t looking to relive it either.

You feel a surge of power as Hyunjin takes your hand and takes you both to the large Greek styled bath of old. He sits on the bench, you between his legs. His arms frame the lip of the pool, tendrils of hair framing his face.

Your arms wobble as your hand dips under the water to wet your arms and upper body. “I’m not sure I’ll be able to do much other than float,” you state.

You turn your head to see Hyunjin looks quite smug but also content. He is glowing and you’re not sure if it’s his godhood or simply happy with what he has accomplished. “You performed your duties perfectly, Priestess.”

You duck your head, images of the many ways Hyunjin has taken you again and again. You had really done that with a stranger… no, a God. “I am happy to pass the initiation.”

The comfortable silence between you two stretches over like a soft and familiar blanket. You’re content to let the hot water soothe your aches and pains, well earned from the way Hyunjin had fucked you right. You’re not exactly sure what Hyunjin gets out of this, he was a god, could he have aches and pains? Regardless, the way he leans into your body, hugging you to his. It seems like he is still enjoying the presence of your body.

For what seems like centuries but perhaps only lasts a few moments, Hyunjin stretches and removes himself from the bath. You move to leave with him but he insists you remain. “I think it’s time to make the world quake for me again. I’ve been absent from this realm for too long.” He sends you a long look. “Tell me exactly what they did to you.”

You do not dare leave any detail out, so you spill your truth in a frenzy of stumbling words. Hyunjin, instead of getting angry, re-acquires that grin you had first seen on his face, full of madness. He leans downwards and tips your chin up for the softest of farewell kisses.

“You did so well for me,” He purrs, “Allow me to do this for you.”

Without truly understanding the full meaning, you nod your head in acknowledgement. Hyunjin throws back his head with a cackle bubbling from his throat. He shoves on his sandals and tosses on the robe he had removed a long time ago.

You watch as Hyunjin leaves just as he arrives, covered in a simple robe to frame his perfect body. You swear you can hear faint screaming, crashes and bangs, and a faint licking of orange in the distance. He was burning the world down for you, for everything it had put you through. And frankly, you couldn't find the will to pity them.

[cerastes]

With the exception of Arknights what are your thoughts on gacha games?

I don't feel like I need to exclude Arknights from the statement, I can criticize things even if I like them.

In general, I don't like that their widely accepted and even defended business model is "Capitalize on FOMO, exploit gambling addictions, create dependent users". I also think that the use of the "game as a service" model, and one that needs to keep pumping content forever and can't risk to alienate the player, severely limits what can be done with the medium in terms of creativity, because you can't kill off playable characters nilly willy (I actually think Epic Seven was cooking with this, Epic Seven will kill off playable characters and remove them from the plot if it feels like it, or at least used to back when I played, don't know nowadays), relationships and dynamics with characters tend to be limited because otherwise your audience can feel like you are cucking them, and I wish I was kidding but just look at the absolute dumpster fire of a drama going on as we speak (22nd of January, 2024) in Girls' Frontline 2 over in China over one of the characters having interactions with a male NPC, and you can't ever bring a true sense of finality to any given arc because everything ends up having to be foreshadowing, set-up, build-up and so on and on and on. In many cases, you also have a mold cast of Must Have tropes in your playable cast: The Maid, The Idol, The One That Worships The Ground You Walk On, The Underage And Underclothed One, The Underage (But We Treat This One As A Precious Child!) One, Foxgirl, The Cold And Highly Analytical One (But Actually, Loves You), Chuuni, etc, so it feels like in every game I kinda already know at least a third of the cast minimum already and I'm kind of primed to not really want to know them, even though there's subversions I end up liking sometimes (Fenny from Snowbreak is an example of an Idol-type I ended up loving despite not liking Idol-types).

On the other hand, even with these negatives in mind, having a game that periodically updates and adds content, and that you can discreetly play pretty much everywhere on the go due to smartphones being their main 'console', games that foster community and something to talk about with your friends that also play and that will always have something new every couple of weeks, as well as inspire fanart, fanworks, analysis, and commentary, and that tend to be more risque and interesting with their designs is honestly good to have. I personally enjoy the community aspect of gacha games, I consider it one of the two most important aspects for me, because I know I can come here, for example, and see people talking about the story, the characters, the music, the gameplay, and more, every day, and the other important thing to me is how discreet they are, since I can just play a few maps or stages in my phone real fast midst a social situation at work, and then hop back in with a renewed social battery or when a topic I like comes up.

I fully get when people showcase their disdain for gacha, yeah, but if we really want to be nitpicky, the majority of the game industry is kind of a cesspool of toxicity, which is not to say "stop bashing gacha" and instead say "bash the whole thing if you're going to be bashing it anyway" (and we should! Game devs and other personnel in the industry have been crying for better conditions for years now!). Either way, if someone decides to sit at the gambling den, it becomes their responsibility. I want there to be more safeguards for people with actual addictions and to protect them, but with this in mind, if anyone still decides to sit at the den, it's assumed they are going to take responsibility for their actions and financial decisions.

So all in all, yeah, predatory games that suffer in quality due to their own trappings, but also good sources of community, inspiration, and effective at being discreet games you can play anywhere and that get periodic updates (this isn't necessarily exclusive to gacha but it is an aspect of them that bears mentioning, which I point out since no doubt people will want to point out there's good non-gacha smartphone game options out there)

[azure-firecracker]

The X-Files Season 4 Review (First-Time Watcher)

It has been a minute but we are back!

(Full disclosure - I am actually a little ways into Season 5 as I write this. College has given me more time with energy for watching than energy for writing. Such is life!)

Life seemed to stand between me and this season. I finished the first half in about a week and a half, and then the second half in three times that because…college happened. But we got there! And oh boy did we get a lot.

This season was hyped up to me even before I watched it (it won my favorite seasons poll a while back) and it DID NOT disappoint! I think this season managed to merge the melancholic energy of season 2 with the consistency of season 3. The first half was especially consistent (out of the first 10 episodes, there wasn’t a single one I didn’t like), and while the second half was a bit more uneven in terms of quality, when it hit it hit hard!

I thiiink Season 2 still takes my favorite spot among the seasons, but this is a close second. It’s just so good, and the second half especially has this looming sense of heartbreak that I haven’t seen in the other seasons. If Season 1 is a campy monster flick, Season 2 is an alien soap opera, and Season 3 is an action movie, then Season 4 is a Shakespearean tragedy of epic proportions, wrought with miscommunication, near-misses, and hurtling towards an unavoidable, doomed ending that lurks in the background even of the most mundane moments. I’m a sucker for a good tragedy, so I loved every moment we got. I was also happy that Scully got to have a real emotional arc. Especially in Season 1 and 2, those usually belonged to Mulder, but the cancer arc is first and foremost about her, and the show takes a lot of care to keep her at the center of that story - which I appreciate.

I found the MSR dynamic this season to be fascinating. It’s like they’re in this territory - even before the cancer arc but especially during it - where they’re realizing how much they mean to each other but also how much it could damage them both. They’re closer than ever and yet more at odds than ever. They’ll cling desperately to each other in the face of death but run away from each other in the daylight because they’re afraid of what it means. It’s tragic and less fun than what we’ve seen from them before, but it’s also fascinating.

As always, I do have a few gripes. My biggest is that, while the cancer arc is beautiful and heart-wrenching, I wish they’d explored it a little more. Only Memento Mori, Elegy, and Gethsemane center around it (and Never Again, if you go off of airing order instead of intended order). Maybe Zero Sum too, but that’s about Skinner and kind of its own thing. And I just felt like there was some wasted potential there. Scully was literally DYING and losing control of her life and Mulder was powerless to stop it. There’s so much plot and character potential there that really wasn’t touched on, and it felt like they really only scratched the surface. Of course, part of the fun of this show is that they leave a lot for us fans to do ourselves, but it feels a bit like a wasted opportunity on the show’s part (friends: please be kind and point me to the fanfic now!)

Also, while I love the cancer arc for emotional value, I do have some qualms about yet another major arc about Scully having her bodily autonomy taken away. Why must all of the female protagonist’s arcs have to do with this? (I wrote about it in Season 2 here).

But frustrations aside, I think this is objectively the second-strongest season after Season 3, and subjectively my second-favorite after Season 2. Its overall arc is maybe the most compelling of the show, and the individual episodes (for the most part) are all fantastic.

Speaking of which, let’s get into the individual episodes! Quick disclaimer- because this season took me so long to watch, it’s been quite a while since I watched the earliest episodes. Just something to keep in mind:)

Herrenvolk: Unfortunately, I feel that this was the show’s weakest season opener so far. It’s not bad by any means, but it falls victim to the same gripe I have with many mytharc episodes, which is that it prioritizes plot over character work, and that rarely works for me. On top of that, the plot here was kind of hard to follow, especially Mulder’s half (Scully’s half was easier because she was literally explaining everything like the scientist she is I love her so much). Also they were separated which is never fun. At this point, I sort of feel like the show is just adding more and more elements of the conspiracy without explaining what we already have, and it’s getting to be a lot. I did adore the hospital scenes between Mulder and Scully, though - it’s a vulnerability and openness we rarely get from both of them (and I think it scares the shit out of them both - hence why their dynamic for the next 3 episodes is kind of weird). Anyway I’ll give this one a 7/10

Home: I know opinions on this are mixed, but I really liked it. It was genuinely SO creepy, especially the scene where the Peacocks are beating up the sheriff and their car music plays in the background. I agree with @graciehart who says that Mulder and Scully’s dynamic in here was odd, but I kind of get it. Scully represses a lot of her emotions, and it would make sense that she might not think or talk about motherhood until she sees a distorted version of it, and she can examine it from a more scientific angle. For Mulder’s part, @theswisscheeserag said that this episode was sort of an exploration into Mulder’s privilege, and how he’s a little bit immune to the darkness that lurks behind the small-town American ideal (in part because that ideal is something he never had). All of that is interesting. I also liked Scully really taking the lead on the case, especially when they thought there was an innocent woman in danger. This show has a trend of victimizing women, so it was really nice to see Scully, who’s been a victim of this trend herself, fight against that. Overall I’ll give this a 9/10

Teliko: I am never safe from the ethnic flute, am I?

Plot-wise, this episode was boring. The pacing was slow, Mulder and Scully were fantastic when together, but that wasn’t a lot, and really not much happened the whole time.

But that wasn’t the real problem - the problem is that this is a “cultural episode.” And a bad one. They sort of half-engaged with all of the racial issues, and they said some super out-of pocket stuff that they then didn’t elaborate on, and it almost seemed like they got what they were talking about for a second but then they didn’t and the whole thing was weird but definitely problematic.

When I tell you I have never hated a score more - TRIBAL CHANTING AND DRUMS SHOULD NOT BE USED TO SHOW HOW OMINOUS YOUR VILLAIN IS! DO YOUR PROPER FOLK MUSIC RESEARCH!!

Alas I would love to 100% hate this episode, but I love the climax SO much. This is the first genuine kidnapping loss-of-bodily autonomy role rehearsal that I’ve been begging for since Season 2, and this is my favorite trope, so I devoured it. It’s also SO sweet. I wrote a meta about it. It’s here.

Anyway my love for the climax will bring this episode up to a 6/10 but without the climax it’s like a 3 lol.

Unruhe: Okay. Kind of like Our Town, I have to separate my feelings about this episode from its actual quality. Because in quality alone, this episode is fantastic. The villain is interesting, the tension is palpable, the climax is gut-wrenching, and Mulder and Scully’s dynamic has this fascinating push/pull that’s reminiscent of early seasons but starkly more intense. The way they yell for each other when he’s saving her from the van (trailer? Large vehicle) is haunting, especially for her part, because Scully never screams like that. And the outro of this episode - Scully talking about finally being forced to understand evil and how it can be inside her and come for her while a single tear slides down her face - is my favorite of the whole show.

But it seems I am not recovered from Season 2, and the second I saw violence against women I knew exactly where this was going. I spent the whole episode waiting for the other shoe to drop, and when it did I was more annoyed than anything else. There is one hilarious frame right after Scully wakes up in the trailer where Gillian stares into the camera and looks annoyed af as if to say am I seriously filming this kind of scene again? and I was like same, girl, same. But with the understanding that most of this comes from me and not the episode itself, I’ll still give it a 10/10

The Field Where I Died: I have mixed feelings. I like the idea of past lives here, and the idea that Mulder and Scully were always friends, I love. I know it bothers some people that they weren’t together romantically, but I don’t think they need to have been romantic in past lives in order to be romantic now. I actually really love the idea of the same souls reconnecting in different lives but always in different ways (I’m thinking of the musical Ghost Quartet if anyone here knows it). I also love the concept of Scully always dying before Mulder in past lives - it adds another layer to the tragedy.

But also this episode feels like it’s missing something, and introducing a one-off character to be in the reincarnation cycle was kind of weird, and even though I think the concepts are cool, I just can’t quite love it. I’ll give it a 7.5/10

Sanguinarium: Finally a short episode review! This one was spooky and fun! Nothing in particular to love or hate about it, just a really creepy good time. A good episode for spooky season. 7.5/10

Musings of a Cigarette Smoking Man: Naturally, I missed Mulder and Scully during this, but I thought it was really interesting! I’d much rather take a tour of CSM’s past than see another meeting with the high school board of trustees shady government organization of white men that I don’t care about. I also love that he’s an aspiring author and that he sucks at it - he’s kind of a bad bad guy too if you think about it. My favorite thing about this is that it wasn’t a tragic backstory and that he wasn’t redeemed! A tragic villain who redeems himself is great, but it’s also great to let your villains just suck. 8/10

Tunguska/Terma: Okay Mulder/Krycek shippers, I may not live on your planet, but I now see the roots from which you sprung. Their dynamic in these was actually wild.

This was overall an excellent two-parter! It focused more on character tension than alien plot, which I feel is always better. I liked the juxtaposition of very different high-stakes scenarios for Mulder and Scully - the Russian gulag and Scully being held in contempt of Congress, and kind of the implications that all corrupt governments are the same with that parallel - all good stuff! Although, for being hyped up as inescapable, Mulder sure got out of that prison camp real fast. Also…Mulder being injected with the black stuff is a HELL of a plot point to never touch again, but it is in character for the show. But TELL ME why there are no post-ep fics for this! There’s so much angst potential! Anyway 9.5/10

Paper Hearts: *cries*

See this is what Oubliette could have been if it had properly utilized Mulder and Scully’s dynamic, because Mulder’s search for Samantha is him making all the wrong choices, knowing they’re wrong but always digging in the dirt anyway, and Scully seeing the inevitability of Mulder’s downfall but standing there and letting him hold onto her after he breaks, coming back again and again because he always needs her and she’ll always follow him.

I do think the climax was a bit underwhelming given the emotional weight of the episode. I think Mulder maybe figured the killer (forget his name) out too early. But the post-climax scene is, of course, phenomenal, as is this episode overall. Point me to the fics for this one too! 10/10

El Mundo Gira: And this time the ethnic flute is accompanied by a vaguely Spanish guitar! And a boring plot! And some actors who are supposed to be native Spanish speakers who are very obviously not! 2/10

Never Again: Yes, I did watch this before Leonard Betts, and I’m glad I did, because I think it’s more interesting to look at Scully’s actions through a lens of her reaching breaking point than as a trauma response. I know this is controversial- the wonderful @mulders-too-large-shirt and @thursdayinspace aren’t the biggest fans, but I’m going to have to disagree and say I adored this one. Scully episodes are always treats for me, and this one was no exception. I know that people don’t like the implication that she sees Mulder as a disapproving authority figure, but I saw that as more of a manifestation of her fears than anything else. Scully will always crave the approval of those she loves, no matter how much they show her that she doesn’t have to earn it, she will try, and especially with Mulder, who can be a bit oblivious, the extent to which he values her can go unnoticed, and she’s left feeling like she’s bending over backwards for nothing. She doesn’t feel this way all the time, but here that feeling reaches a peak for her, and she gets these desires to break the mold and do something else and just try everything she never tried before. And as someone who also has a good girl identity, this really resonated with me.

The ending is also killer. Mulder wanting to say it’s become mine but he can’t finish the sentence…especially knowing what’s coming for them…GOD. This is in fact a 10/10 for me.

Leonard Betts: I mean, this is really just cancer arc setup. All of that, and the last few scenes with Scully, are fantastic. Individually, this is pretty good! Nothing to really complain about. 8/10

Memento Mori: *cries* I seem to be doing that a lot this season.

What a fantastic introduction to the cancer arc. I adore that this episode starts with Scully’s narration, to really emphasize how this is her story, and she will be taking center stage. I love how this episode showed Scully and Mulder’s reaction to her disease, and really dove into their psyches in a way they really wouldn’t again. It’s Scully’s desire to maintain her strength, to keep going, to just accept it and keep working as she does so many things. It’s the way the fear of death hangs over her, and she accepts it with open arms because it would almost be more vulnerable to fight it, but Mulder fights it because there’s nothing he fears more than losing her, and yet when she calls him he’s there in an instant, because he’ll give up every answer to be with her. It’s One Breath all over again.

And of course, the hallway scene. Gillian Anderson the actor you are. They both look at each other with so much care and grief and tragedy and love, and it’s fantastic. Though this is not the show’s first forehead kiss (there was a blink and you’ll miss it one in Irresistible) it was the first noticeable one, and it’s so tender but also heartbreaking. I was sobbing in my dorm room. 10/10

Kaddish: I did enjoy the parallel to Mulder not wanting to let go of Scully. And I loved the score, which actually drew on elements from Yiddish folk music (Yiddish is a very prominent folk music for Eastern European Jews). Makes me wonder why they couldn’t do that for the non-white “cultural episodes.”

They seemed to be a bit more clear on the messaging regarding antisemitism than they are when they’re dealing with non-white cultures, but it still felt a bit muddled to me, what with the villain being one of the Jewish people (sort of). I’ll give this a 7/10

Unrequited: What’s that? There was an episode? I must have fallen asleep. 3/10

Tempus Fugit/Max: My lovely friend @california-112 loves these - alas I must disagree. These fall victim to the “too much plot, not enough character stuff” thing that I don’t like. I want to emphasize that this is a subjective taste thing for me, but it does impact my viewing experience nonetheless. I was just annoyed that there was a big mytharc two-parter and Scully was LITERALLY DYING OF CANCER and it wasn’t about that. It felt like that whole plot was just sitting there, wanting to be used, and it wasn’t. And while the plot with Max was nice, it seemed like an awful lot of significance to give a one-off character. If he had been recurring, I might have liked this more.

But I did, of course, love the birthday bookend scenes. He finally celebrates her birthday because he thinks he may never get to again😭😭😭 And her explanation at the end. I love them❤️ Overall these two are a 7.5/10

Synchrony: I actually really liked this one! Maybe it’s because I’m a physics girlie but I liked the time travel elements of the whole thing, and I thought the continually unraveling mystery was really cool. I guessed some of the plot twists for sure, but not all of them! Also Mulder literally quoted Scully’s thesis at her, which was especially fun because, as a physics student, I now know what the Twin Paradox is. Anyway this was an 8/10 for me.

Small Potatoes: I need David Duchovny to star in a comedy immediately. This episode gave us some much needed levity in a pretty gloomy season. All of the jokes landed for me, and I love how pathetic of a villain Eddie is…and that’s exactly why he’s dangerous. I also love every second of body-swapped Mulder and the way the show takes the opportunity to make fun of itself. “Where do I sleep?” might be my favorite joke in the whole show.

I also like that this episode has layers, and kind of gets sadder the more you think about it. Read what I wrote on that here.

All that being said, I do agree with @california-112 that this episode falls into the trap of belittling women who were victims of SA, and I do think that that’s generally icky and a problem. With that in mind, I’ll give this episode a 10/10 for my personal enjoyment but an objective 8/10.

Zero Sum: Another Skinner episode! I do feel like Avatar gave us more insight into his character than this, but I still thought this was intriguing. I thought the push-pull between Mulder and Skinner was entertaining, and the thought that Skinner was willing to go to such lengths while Scully was sick is an interesting one - but most of this episode escaped my memory and I did watch it fairly recently, which I think is telling. So 6/10

Elegy: *cries* Scullyyyyyy

First of all, the ghost makeup in here? Terrifying. It got me. And I’m not easily spooked by this show.

But I loved Scully’s reaction to this. Her in therapy, only admitting how much she needs Mulder when she knows he can’t hear it, because she’s still fighting those same battles with her emotional walls and her self-image. Her refusal to believe in what was happening to her because of science, but also because she doesn’t want to admit that she’s dying and that things aren’t normal and they can’t be normal and they can’t go on. I also don’t know if this is the episode where she finds out her cancer has metastasized (what we learn in Gethsemane), but her final argument with Mulder hits so much harder if you think it is. I know what you’re afraid of, because I’m afraid of the same thing…and what that really is is being apart. And the final shots of her in the car…this season has so much Scully crying and I hate it but I love it. 9.5/10

Demons: Dare I say…tied with Irresistible for new favorite episode? I’ve already made a meta about this, so you know I adored it. Plus it takes place in my hometown which is awesome!

All jokes aside, this episode was so sad but so wonderful. Mulder feeling like his life is spinning away from him and he can’t save anyone, taking desperate measures to find answers, and just being fully swallowed by his self-hatred, willing to go further than he ever has because there’s no hope left.

And Scully, who is his beacon of hope, following him and believing in him when no one else does. She stays until the case is solved and she puts every single piece together herself because she has to. She follows him into the house and stares down the barrel of his gun because she will never fear him, no matter how far he goes, and he will run endlessly into the darkness chasing the truth, and she will run just as far to pull him back.

God. He’s so broken and she’s so devoted to him and this episode showed both things in spades. It was beautiful (and, on a more self-indulgent note, played into all of my favorite tropes. It felt like an upgraded version of one of my fanfics). Obvious 10/10

Gethsemane: Like Talitha Cumi, this is more of a precursor to Redux than a finale in itself, but it’s still a really good episode. High stakes all around! This really digs deep into the question of is it aliens or the government or both, and that’s an ambiguity I’ve always loved, so it was nice to see it back. Scully saying her cancer had metastasized absolutely killed me, but what really got me was the ending. Holy shit! 9.5/10

I think this may be my longest review so far, which is fitting for Season 4! Please feel free to tell me your thoughts on these episodes or the season as a whole, or to send me asks about TXF or anything at all! There’s truly nothing I love more than fangirling with all of you! I’ve had such a stressful few weeks with college, and you’ve all been so kind to me, sending me asks and commenting on my writing and chatting with me, and it’s just meant the world to me, so thank you❤️

On another note, my birthday is coming up in a few weeks, and I’d love to make something special for it, so if any of y’all have ideas, please let me know:)

Until next time!

[kingscourthouse]

YOU'RE ALSO DOING AN EPIC THE MUSICAL HERMIT AU?? :O

TELL ME ALL ABOUT IT /nf ofc I'm just really curious as to how our ideas compare and contrast :D

I'll be honest it's not really set in stone. It started as a joke concept of Boat Boys since I was talking to my friend about how they're obsessed but infatuated like how Odysseus is with Penelope in the Odessey.

<Massive ramble incoming>

It's very loosely based on Epic since there's some things in epic that would be hard to work around and also I feel bad putting some people in certain roles. Since it's loosely based on it, everything I post about it won't always be following the story because I had this really stupid idea of Grian following Scar to the underworld after he died bc he's in love. /silly

Over all its a very stupid au.

Mainly its Joel fighting in the war for years so he can return to Etho. Unlike Odysseus though, Joel carries an oar given to him from Etho everywhere he goes. The end is sharpened into a spear and is enchanted with fire aspect. The bands wrapped around his arms are from Scar who believes they will bring him safety. Throughout the journey, Joel will cycle through a lot of looks as he grows in age and changes. Near the end of the war and beginning of the story, he's inspired by his Stratos outfit. As he's in the underworld his hair grows out and covers more, he looks more like (my design) of Bad Boy Joel from Limited Life. Only difference is that instead of his hair being wild, it's long braids that he's never touched. And then when he finally returns home he'll look more like his skins in the early Life Series with long hair, long beard and obviously out for blood. He's a man with a trail of bodies and isn't afraid to leave more.

Beef takes the place of Eurlylocus, as Joel's second in command and a brother in arms. Beef is the one of the people always by his side and knows what Joel is fighting for. He makes the most level headed decisions but won't hesitate when he thinks it's time to kill or leave. While Joel wants a peaceful way out, Beef will do what it takes to make sure their men survive. When perishing in the storm, Beef is found with Scar in the underworld. Speaking of llamas-

Scar takes the place of Polites. Throughout the story the amount of scars he has grows from his working on the ship. Most on his face and chest are from the war, but a good portion of the ones on his arms are from working on the galley. He uses a bow and his sharp aim had gained him a title in the war, but he's actually fairly strong, tying ropes around his arms and fallen men to drag them across the battlefield. He'll tie the rope to multiple oars on the ship so people can have breaks. A lot of his scars are barely seen as scars now and more as his stories. A walking display of honour and comradery. Some say he was blessed by one of the gods for his silliness and bravery. Sometimes being near him you can hear faint laughter. Some think it's the messenger god. Others believe it's the vex that haunt the lotus eaters. Scar is a mystery to a lot of them.

Now that we got the boring ones out of the way (/that's a joke, I love them)

THE GODS

From what ones I've posted so far there's a few that I think I've finally settled on.

Skizz takes the place of Posiden. And yeah yeah I hear you, Xb would've made a great Posiden he's literally known for guardian stuff. But while I agree, I think Skizz would make a better fit to match the energy and motives from the musical.

Instead of Skizz having a son and that's what sends him into drowning Joel's ship, Skizz made a friend. Which is odd for the gods seeing as they're above everything. Skizz found a cyclops one day on the shores with his sheep. He would spend his days around it til eventually the cyclops just told him he knew he was there. Weirdly enough, he ended up becoming really attached to this cyclops. They became close friends and something that Skizz really cared about, even if he couldn't see him that often without being caught or seen. When Skizz returns one day to see that his friend is blinded and suffering, he goes into a rage and follows Joel to make him pay.

The cyclops is Impulse. He's kind, but if you wrong him then it's over. His sheep were a gift from Skizz and to have them slaughtered is a crime that won't go unpunished.

Gem is Athena. I actually struggled with who to make Athena because so many of them would make a great Athena. Honestly all the female hermits I've struggled with. Gem is Athena, the god of wisdom and war. She helps Joel until she realises the mistake she's made and leaves him to suffer his own consequences. Gem can take the disguise of a deer and sometimes owl. She was gifted her two fish, Aylin and Lucien, by whoever will be Circe. One of the moon and one of light. They are disguised under her cloak as a part of the patterns she wears but are used as messangers and omens for those who look. Her fish are actually how she found out that Skizz had gotten attached to Impulse. She promised she wouldn't tell and mostly teases him about it.

GRIAN. Ough sorry but I LOVE how Hermes is depicted in Epic. There's no way I couldn't make him Grian. He has a habit of watching everything that's happening. Especially with Scar. He'd whiz through the battlefield unseen by the gods just to grant him small blessings at a time to aid his fight. When he returned eventually to the ship and found that a bunch of men had died, including Scar, he started taking longer trips to the underworld. It's not often he stops to sightsee. Always places to go, places to be, orders to be carried out and messages to be sent. But for once he doesn't take the quickest route. Will take detours. He won't get close, he never has and never will. But he'll spot Scar's spirit mindlessly singing and spreading hope throughout the underworld, and will enjoy it for only a moment before leaving. When helping Joel, he wants nothing more than to see him escape safely. Though he does mess with him a bit. Pulling a few pranks here and there until he reveals himself. After the underworld saga, Grian is seen carrying Scar's old bow that had been blessed by him. If anyone asks he'd just say that he was taking back what was rightfully his. He has no use for it, but it is his none the less.

Circe and Aeolus are still in the works because as I said before, I keep switching the female hermits to and fro and can't decide. Though I've got an idea of who I want them to be.

Idk man this whole au was supposed to be a joke to teach my friend about the Odessey through Epic and it somehow became serious and I really like it and like designing it and oh my god I cannot wait for Thunder saga because then we get to see more of the full pantheon and I already have ideas of who's gonna be who.

But yeah. That's ehhh.... That's all I can think of off the top of my head. What's hard is not confusing this with my Hades au which is a whole 'nother can of worms I do NOT wanna touch rn XD

[acourtofthought]

Always the argument from E/riels claiming Eluciens only have the bond to base their ship on.

The following are all the things Elain has said directly to Azriel and Lucien throughout the series to the best of my knowledge.

I'm not including the references to the characters being left alone considering there was one example of this for Elain and Az on Solstice and two where Feyre left Elain and Lucien alone to talk (once before he left to find Vassa and once after the war) and we weren't witness to the actual diologue.

E/RIEL

"Can you truly fly?"

"That's very beautiful, is it not - frightening, though? To fly so high?"

"Beautiful"

“I saw young hands wither with age. I saw a box of black stone. I saw a feather of fire land on snow and melt it.”. “It was angry,” “It was so, so angry that something was taken. So it took something from them as punishment.

“The queen—with the feathers of flame.".

“Yes.”

“Yes.”

“You came for me.”

“I—I don’t know how to use it—”

"Hello"

"I - I'll be right back".

"I've never participated in one of these."

"Oh, that's from me."

"I had Madja make it for me"

"It's a powder to mix in with any drink."

"It's for the headaches everyone always gives you. Since you rub your temples so often."

"He proposed marriage the next morning."

"I was coming to leave this in your pile of presents. I forgot to give it to you earlier."

"Here."

"You put them in your ears, and they block out any sound. With Nesta and Cassian living there with you..."

"Nesta wouldn't appreciate the joke"

"It's beautiful, put it on me?"

"I should go"

"Yes"

ELUCIEN

"Who are you?"

"Lucien, from my sisters stories. Her friend."

"You were in Hybern"

"You betrayed us."

"I was to be married in a few days."

"I can hear your heart."

"When I sleep, I can hear your heart beating through the stone."

"Can you hear mine?"

"No one ever does. No one ever looked - not really."

"He did. He saw me. He will not now."

"What - what was that?"

"It felt...strange," "Like you pulled on a thread tied to a rib."

"I'm fine," "Are you -"

"Nesta did. I just stabbed him."

"You could come to Velaris"

"I should get refreshments"

Elain and Lucien have never actually given things a chance, they've both had way too much to first come to terms with before addressing their bond (something Mor, with her gift of Truth confirms).

But in their FIRST meeting, the very first moment they ever shared a conversation with one another, Elain was the most raw and real we've ever seen her.

She spoke of her deepest emotions. Not what she observed about someone else, not talking about her visions, not making polite party conversation.

Where has she ever let her guard down like that around Azriel?

For the supposed epic love story they've got going on off page, the most exciting thing E/riel spoke of when finally alone after a year revolved around Nesta and Cassian and they've never shared a meaningful conversation on the pages of the actual book. In book 2, Az told Elain a story about Illyrians that he doesn't even relate to because he didn't learn to fly when he was young therefore he wasn't even speaking for himself.

Yet Elucien's are the ones clinging to flimsy reasons for their ship?! Earplugs and hook ups do not a love story make. Some readers seem confused about the author they're reading since SJM loves banter and diologue so much she said she had to cut multiple pages of Bryce and Hunt talking trash while playing the equivalent of Mario Kart so yeah, E/riels lack of sharing anything real is a problem.

With Lucien, Elain expressed anger, sadness, worry. She said she could hear his heart. Literally the first time she ever spoke to him.

And after that she felt Lucien reach out to her through the bond, with her commenting that she felt him inside of her and he blushed over what he found. Sorry but you're telling me that's not romantic yet Elain mentioning Azriel's Siphons (maybe scars, both surface level things) as beautiful is?! Sparkly stones versus Elain breathing that she felt Lucien's connection to her?

Elain is observant, we saw multiple examples of this through the series so her also paying attention to things having to do with Az (like the headache powder) aren't unique to Az. We got that big moment in SF where Cassian noted Elain saw everything when it had come to Nesta.

What matters is which of the two males Elain has opened herself up to and so far, that's only been Lucien.

We don't know why she turned around and avoided him in the novella but considering Nesta turned around and avoided Cassian in the same book, that's not all that big a deal. She could have gotten scared at how quickly she did open up to him, Graysens rejection could have frightened her to feeling too deeply for someone else again, she might be nervous at how out of control she feels around Lucien, she may not be ready to fully let go of her humanity. There are so many possibilities.

But the depth of emotion that we witnessed between Elucien before that, the realness of what Elain said to him is one of the reasons people ship them.

We've never seen any character draw that much out of Elain and I look forward to more of it in her book.

That's not even accounting for the many number of personality traits they share, similar views on violence, a love of nature, a similar sense of humor, their social skills, etc.

Acting like the bond is all we've got when it comes to Elucien is the other side playing clueless and it's not a great look.

[b-else-writes]

The Great CLAMP Re-Read Part 8: Legend of Chunhyang

Part 1 (RG Veda) | Part 2 (Man of Many Faces) | Part 3 (Tokyo Babylon) | Part 4 (Duklyon) | Part 5 (Clamp Detectives)| Part 6 (Shirahime)| Part 7 (X)| Part 9 (Miyuki-chan)

The RG Veda historical epic that never was, or better off cancelled? While X is widely cited as CLAMP's first unfinished work, there is actually another 1992 stillborn CLAMP work, before we can finally move onto 1993 in the CLAMP timeline. To be a broken record, I had no idea this existed! It’s unsurprising: only 3 chapters were ever published (plus 1 drama CD), before the magazine folded and CLAMP decided to cancel the project (yeah yeah they said they’d love to finish it. They’re liars).

Unlike many of their other discontinued early works, this one actually got a tankoban release, and Tokyopop did the now out-of-print English translation in a single volume with no extra art. Plus, I was hesitant about approaching a work of Korean folklore written by 4 Japanese women, given the history, and my fears were not unfounded. So I’m content that I put off getting the physical release for my collection. Spoilers (?) ahead.

Synopsis: In Ancient Korea, a brave young maiden called Chunhyang, opposes the injustices of the corrupt governing Yangbans. When her mother, a magic-wielding mudang, is kidnapped by their town's Yangban, Chunhyang is aided by the lecherous Mongryong, the Amhaeng’eosa, a secret government agent. Together, the two set off on adventure that will take them across Korea to liberate towns and discover the truth of Chunhyang's father.

The Story: I wrote all of that out, but the reality is what actually exists of Legend of Chunhyang is two chapters and a flashback. It's very hard to judge a story that hasn't settled in or moved further than the set up for the adventure. What we got is entertaining enough - chapter 1 is the inciting incident where Chunhyang’s mother dies and she teams up with Mongryong, 2 has them liberate a mystical flower village with the help of a rain god and twin mudang, and 3 is a flashback that reveals Chunhyang’s dead father was important and killed for defying the Yangban. It’s very Robin Hood, and moves at a good pace despite being pretty standard YA fantasy. Speaking of, I don’t think CLAMP realises most Korean towns back then would have been agricultural. Why does Chunhyang live in a huge villa doing nothing all day? I want my peasant hero, not a disgruntled pseudo noble.

The skeleton for the entire story is pretty obvious (bring revolution to Korea) and I’d definitely be curious to see more of it. But I’m also not sad we got nothing more. It’s a pleasant afternoon distraction.

The Themes: Don’t be a bully and tyrannical governments are bad and must be resisted - as long as they’re Korean (side-eyes that Rising Sun flag in CLAMP Campus Detectives. Ah, Japanese nationalism). It’s 3 chapters, that’s all I can glean.

The Characters: Chunhyang fits heavily into the CLAMP stock heroine: young, spunky, strong, pure-hearted, and athletic, shojo ingenue. Still, while she’s nothing new, I enjoyed Chunhyang. CLAMP has the formula for the fun, palatable heroine we love to see win, and I’m hardly immune. Mongryong was more bland to me, falling hard into that 90s era shojo hero who gets comically beaten up by his love interest, but always suavely swoops in to save her. It’s nostalgic, he’s hot, but that’s it. Maybe with time they would have defined themselves like RG Veda’s cast did (also archetypes), but there’s just so little!

The crumbs of minor characters are equally stock - one dimensional cackling villains, and pure beyond belief good guys. Mongryong’s tiger spirit was my favourite because I love all cats. It’s really the charm of Chunhyang that carries us above - she’s a good balance of fierce and endearing.

The Art: Legend of Chunhyang is interesting in that chapter 1 was brush inked due to their experience on Shirahime, but the remaining art was done with marker pen. The result is chapter 1 feels a bit unpolished, with backgrounds being mostly chunky blobs and quick lines in a way I found distracting. 2 and 3 work much better, with thick swirls of soft magic and flowers, giving Chunhyang a slight distinction from their other early 90s work. The panel work is quite conservative unlike RG Veda, very rarely having dynamic spreads, but satisfactory and readable. Chapter 2 is a standout of circling dragons and flowers. Everyone is gorgeously dressed and pretty. It’s not the best of CLAMP, but it’s nice and elevates the material.

Questionable Elements: While certain CLAMP podcasts have praised CLAMP for essentially rewriting the folktale to make Chunhyang more active - why would you even choose to adapt that Korean folklore then, if your intention is to make a generic Robin Hood sword and fantasy series that has zero to do with the original culture? You could just set it in feudal Japan! It feels very distasteful to deliberately choose Korea as a setting of barbaric unending tyranny that needs correcting. Especially given Japan’s history in “modernising” Korea.

On top of that, there’s a clear lack of research done - a lot of the outfits and hair accessories are inaccurate. Chunhyang’s mother’s decision to kill herself than risk dishonour is also incredibly Japanese (and notably doesn’t exist in the original). I have to cry foul because if you’re going to actually set this in a real ancient Korea, you should do your research. I’m not saying CLAMP are anti-Korean but they show a disappointing lack of care and bias.

Also. How old is Mongryong if Chunhyang is 14. Answer quickly, CLAMP.

Overall: Listen, RG Veda 2.0 this is not. Rather than an imaginative, fantastical, sweeping epic, Legend of Chunhyang is built on very familiar tropes and stock characters with a dose of cultural insensitivity and bias. It doesn’t even have a proper narrative arc, existing more as a “what if” than an almost masterpiece. It’s alleviated by the sheer charm of Chunhyang herself, its brisk, entertaining pace, and the enjoyable art. But it’s no great literary tragedy that it was never finished, and I’d really only recommend it to diehard CLAMP fans who want a quick, pleasant escape on a fantasy adventure.

[ailendolin]

Live Reaction to TRoP 2x08

I dreamed of Celebrimbor tonight aka I woke up already emotionally compromised this morning. I am not prepared but here we go:

and we're off to an emotional start with Durin and Disa. I love the kiss they shared and how he did not even look at her afterwards because he probably knew that if he did he would not be able to go

but also Durin no, do not go down into the mines. Please

oh that is very reminiscent of Pippin and the well! I love it!

and the sound the Balrog makes! Shivers!

"You're strong enough to wield an axe but are you strong enough to wield it against your father?" Powerful words

is it bad that I wish Durin had cut off his father's hand? I am seriously so afraid for Durin right now

oh fuck the lighting change from blue to red

the growling!

omg the Balrog looks great! Its shadowy wings when it tries to climb! I am in awe!

he is taking off the ring! Yes! Oh I love that Durin got to see his father again at the end, and that Durin III got to be a father once more too

that shot of Durin III leaping at the Balrog? Epic

and we're back in Rhûn. The thing is, at this moment I honestly do not care about any of the storylines apart from the Elves and Dwarves. I'm sorry but that's just how it is right now

wtf happened to the Stoors btw? Did the Dark Wizard get them? I guess he did

I still love Ciarán Hinds btw. Such a great actor

not the Dark Wizard using Nori and Poppy against the Stranger

huh? So the Stoors were just ... hiding? I'm confused

"Pity will not defeat Sauron" - so different from Gandalf's teachings

and that's how the Stoors will set out to find the Harfoots and the Shire, right? Right?

Numenor!

oh shit, Pharazon is not going to let this go, is he? Pulling the Sauron card, I can't

let's jumpstart the Akallabêth - why not? What could possibly go wrong?

the tree is not happy about this either

Eärien, love, you must see that this is wrong. Please. I'm glad you're warning your father but you must realise none of this is right

Anarion mention! Anarion mention!

and of course Elendil's first thought is of Míriel. I love them so much

"And where is mine, if not with you?" I am crying, guys. Crying

NARSIL

oh this is so like Aragorn with Anduril. I love these visual callbacks

oh fuck, here we go. We're back in Eregion

hello Galadriel! Yes, good, get those people to safety

that little girl. Oh my heart. The way she's clinging to her mother

Galadriel bartering with the rings. I swear she should not be allowed to carry even one of them given how willingly she provides the enemy with information about them (no, I have not forgotten that she basically painted a target on Elrond's back)

oh. Oh. Oh fuck. Celebrimbor. No

Annatar, honestly, what the fuck is wrong with you? Valar, I hope Celebrimbor haunts you throughout the next seasons when you try to forge the One. I swear I need that to happen. Just Celebrimbor in the background taunting him when things go wrong. Amazon, take notes

the way he turns away from the touch - as if my heart wasn't already broken enough

"Look what you have done to yourself." Screw you, Annatar, and screw you for pushing at that arrow too

GONDOLIN MENTION? ARE YOU KIDDING ME? That is my favourite Silm story! Valar, I wish they had the right to the Silm so I could see it come to life on screen

that fucking arrow. I want to strangle Annatar right now

no, no, no, don't you pick up that spear

btw I love that nothing Annatar does works on Celebrimbor anymore - not the sweet-talking, not the threats, not the promise of glory, not the torture. The illusion is broken and Celebrimbor is free and there is nothing Annatar can do to sink his claws into him again

on the contrary, now it's Celebrimbor who is sowing doubt by speaking words of doom. I love this

oh fuck, here we go. Celebrimbanner

oooooh Lord of the Rings!

Celebrimbor. No. I do not want to say goodbye to him

Lol I love how Sauron's go to reply when someone asks him if he's Sauron is, "I have many names."

why do I get the feeling that Glûg is going to side with Sauron against Adar?

and we're back in the South with Isildur and co. Time to brace myself for more Estrid (I just really, really do not like her, I'm sorry)

Isildur and Theo bonding over their mothers aka Isildur kind of, sort of adopting Theo, I guess?

Isildur and Estrid are going to kiss, are they? Ugh. Can we skip that, please, and go to Elrond? I need to know how my boy is doing

okay, the music is pretty, I'll give it that

"Come with me." No, don't. I don't want to see more of her

Kemen you little shit. What are you doing here? Come to fuck more shit up?

lol Kemen's face when he saw Isildur. He knows he fucked up with Valandil and that Isildur will have his head, and it amuses me greatly

Berek! The goodest boy in Middle-Earth

Kemen, don't you dare lay a hand on Berek! You little shit, Isildur is going to feed you to that sea monster if you do that

"They're only trees." Yeah, nope

Adar, are you okay?

ooooooh look at him! LOOK. AT. HIM! What a glow up!

noooooooooo I want to know the name you were given! Tell us!

aw it's not permanent. And yet he gives her the ring

"Let us create a lasting peace." Yeah, that's not going to happen

Glûg? Wtf happened to him? Or is that Sauron in disguise? No, wait, Glûg really deserted, didn't he?

Fuck of course he did! Time for another Ides of March

and Sauron has the crown. Will he kill Adar with it like Adar killed him?

btw if I were Galadriel I would high-tail it out of there. Just saying

oh shit is he going to take Elrond and Gil-galad captive?

Sauron really has a weird definition of the word heal

GIL-GALAD! ELROND! FUCK YEAH! FINALLY

ooooh did he just turn Vilya around so no one will see it? Clever!

goodbye statue of Fëanor

Elrond pleading with the Uruk not to destroy Celebrimbor's notes. I'm not crying, you are

also Elrond fighting himself free because Gil-galad is in danger? And then that mournful version of his theme playing when he is captured again and sees the scrolls burning? I am not okay

but Arondir is alive, thank fuck

omg the way I cheered when Galadriel yeeted Sauron over those stones. You go, girl!

no, not him going back to the Halbrand form. This is so funny

oh okay, but this is cool! Him taking on forms of herself and people she loves? I'm here for that

no, I wanted to see him as Elrond and Gil-galad!

"The door is shut." Go, girl! Also the way he screamed in anger? Goo-boy is not used to people defying him and he's had to deal with two of them in one day

oh, the crown. Ouch. Nenya is going to take care of that, right?

bye bye to the Nine

THE DWARVES! DURIN! DURIN DID COME!

Okay, maybe not personally, but he sent Narvi! Yes!

oh is Galadriel going to pull an Elrond? Is she going to throw herself off the cliff?

SHE IS!

NO! WHAT? SAURON! WTF? NOT GLÛG!

Oh Elvish healing! This is beautiful! And Elrond is going to use Nenya, isn't he?

NO WHY DO WE NOT GET TO SEE IT? ARE YOU KIDDING ME? GO BACK!

Did Nori just push away what is going to be become the Stanger's staff?

Disa's hand on Durin's shoulder. Elrond turning away from Ost-in-Edhil with the tower falling, Elendil riding away, Sauron with Fëanor's hammer - the imagery is so good

Grand-Elf - Gandalf!

YES IT IS THE STAFF!

the amount of love I have for Tom Bombadil's hedgehog tea kettle

"Now let the song begin" YES LET'S SING

"Eregion has fallen. The survivors have fled to a valley North of here." IMLADRIS! AND ELROND LED THEM! YES! BUT I WANT TO SEE IT! PLEASE!

also I stand by my headcanon that Camnir showed them the way

Durin's not going to have an easy time next season, huh?

lol not Gil-galad roasting Galadriel the moment she wakes up

I still need a moment between him and Elrond btw. If the show won't give it to me, I will write it myself

I love that Arondir has now finally joined the rest of the Elves

VOROHIL! FUCK YEAH, HE LIVES! AAAAAH I AM FREAKING OUT RIGHT NOW! THIS IS HONESTLY MY HIGHLIGHT OF THE EPISODE!

Imladris is so gorgeous, I can't. But why is this not Elrond's great moment? I mean, don't get me wrong, I love the ending but I wish there had been more focus on Elrond there because this is his home

Anyway, what a great finale! I can't believe we now have to wait at least two years until the next season.

[supyovalk]

Just Dance: The Backup Clone Theory(-ies)

So just about now I thought about the Just Dance Story Mode And then I thought about how Jack Rose's Maps (Yes, both maps) and The Travler's solo map are the only story mode maps with some kind of "Clone Backup dancer" And that make me question...

Why? And Why these two specifically?

Like treasure is all about the clones, and even in Locked out of Heaven it's a major deal in the first two houses.

So I came up with two main theories into why is that the case.

THEORY 1: CLONES = EGO

In a universe where dancing is the driving focus, it's easy to assume that the Coach's environment reflects their personality.

And what fit for a dancer with a bit of ego? Clones of Themselves.

Now, It does actually fits really well with the current story.

Case A: "Rock Your Body"

In "Rock Your Body", Traveler does bring an aura of ego to with his expressions and dance. Hell, the song is basically "Hey Babe, Stay with me since my game is the best." And Us One of the Most Powerful People in the dance verses.

Be noted that he doesn't use them in "Save Your Tears". Maybe to imply that he lose his ego the moment he found his one true love Shia Nova?

Case B: "Locked Out of Heaven"

During the First and Second Houses, we see clones of Jack through mirrors, and also in the upper section, he does project himself on the screen. Now calling it to say Jack is has much ego seems like a good move... however, it does seem like those aren't real clones, but rather reflections.

That could Imply that Jack maybe does have Ego as a Performer, as seems on the Reflected outside, and told as he does told that he "has trouble sharing the spotlight" but inside he's reserving that ego. After all from his Epic Avatar, he does want nothing more then a love from friends.

Also more notable is Nightswan popping in the second verses, taking over the mirrors, the physical reflceting. maybe that's an analogy for Nightswan's reshaping Jack's outside personality through her upbringing to fit more to hers? He is the closest in appearance to his Night form from all the five coaches.

Maybe also that's why Nightswan's Weakness strategy didn't work on him, his real weakness is not his ego, but instead could his reliability for adoration, from fans, from his mom, anyone at all, and therefore not having enough self worth.

Speaking of Which...

Case C: "Treasure" (A.K.A Ego Clone Central)

In Treasure, we see an illusion of Jack, a narcissist that has achieved his dreams of glory, full with thousands of clones. And is the first time we see his clones? Them breaking out of the mirrors from "Locked Out of Heaven". That could symbolize that Jack opened his gates of ego into his head and is now only caring of himself.

But interestingly, that didn't seemed to convince Jack at the end of the story, Despite Nightswan specifically trying to target that weakness in him. because that's not what he wants to be on the inside.

Now that's theory 1, deep and intersting. But here's another possible take not as deep but still is consequenceial.

THEORY 2: THE TRAVLER'S IS JACK ROSE'S DAD

Now this one is more straightforward: Since Wanderlust's inherited portal creation but NOT clones, maybe Jack Rose is the opposite.

And as established, The Traveler does get around a lot, both literally and figuratively, so he could have had an affair with Nightswan.

That would make Wanderlust & Jack Stepbrothers (Half brothers) which would explain why they are paired together, and why the JD Team is insistent on not romantically pair them.

That would also make Cygnus' relationship with Nightswan be a business partner who either has a crush on her or is not given enough respect by her.

What do you think about those theories?

[whimsicallyenchantedrose]

Season 4 Rewatch Drabbles: 4x3 Rocky Road

Summary:  A series of 100-1000 word drabbles to accompany my    rewatch of season 4 of Once Upon a Time.  There will be a drabble–either a deleted scene, a “fix it” fic or a character musing for each episode of the season.  Focus will be on Emma, Henry, the Charmings and Killian–with an emphasis on Captain Swan’s epic love story.

Word Count: 651

Other Chapters: (1) (2) (4) (5) (6) (7) (8)

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Killian frowned as he watched Emma stride purposely away from him.  She’d asked him to stay behind, treated him almost as an intractable child.

If she thought he’d obey that command, she didn’t know him at all.  The woman he loved was heading into danger.  There was no chance in Hades he planned to sit idly by on the sidelines.

His frown deepened as he ruminated over the conversation with Swan.  Why must it always feel as though their relationship were taking two steps forward and then one step back?  Did she truly mistrust him so much she didn’t even trust him to back her against a foe?  Would she ever give him her trust?

Killian secured Elsa’s cooperation and then headed out into danger.  As they walked he felt the slight weight of his talking phone in his coat pocket, and despite the frustration of the day, he smiled.

Swan had presented him with the device the morning after the attack by the snow beast.

They’d developed a routine, of sorts–or at least as much of one as was possible in a town that had a new crisis every fifteen minutes.  Swan joined him for breakfast in the diner and they discussed their day ahead.

On the morning in question, she’d barely made it through the pleasantries, before she’d slid a small, metallic device across the table to him.  He’d taken it in his good hand, turned it from side to side, examining it. 

“Thank you?” he’d said, the statement coming out more like a question than anything.

“It’s a cell phone,” she’d announced.  “You can use it to call people.  I already put my number in for you.”

He had no doubt the confusion he felt was written squarely across his face.

“Right,” she said after a moment.  “I guess I should show you how to use it.”

He grinned at her.  “That would be much appreciated love.”

He’d seen her use a similar device to communicate with her parents and others in the town.  He’d been quite curious about it.  Had in fact peppered her with more than a few questions.

“How far is the reach of this device?” he’d asked, one day when they were trudging through the woods.

“I don’t know,” she’d admitted.  “I mean, it wouldn’t work in, like, a different realm or something, but I guess, as long as there’s a cell tower around, anywhere.”

He’d gone on to ask about these cell towers and the mechanisms by which phones worked and so on, but she’d cut him off, rather irritated.  “Look, I don’t know all the details of how it works, it just…does, okay?”

She was far more patient with him in the diner as she explained how to make a call and how to receive one.  She even showed him the “Emma” button–the one marked with a number 1–that he need only press and hold, should he wish to speak to her.

He rather anticipated the button getting so much use the number wore off.

It had touched him that she’d given him the device, that she wished to have a way to contact him.  It had touched him even more, made his heart soar, in fact, when, the other day, his device had sung the particular sea shanty she’d taught it, and he’d answered her call.  A call in which she’d requested his help at the town line following the loss of power.

It had made him feel needed, wanted, truly a part of something.

Why she’d reversed course this morning as they pursued the newest villain, he didn’t know, but he could ponder it later, when–if–they once more had a quiet moment.  For now he had a mission.  If possible, he’d find the villain, but above all he’d ensure Emma’s safety.

He could deal with it if she mistrusted him, but if he lost her?  Well, that didn’t bear contemplating.

NEXT CHAPTER->

[thecryptidzenith]

11 for the fic game ask!

11. Bonus: recommend your favorite fic

Okay, you're getting two answers for this one because my real answer isn't a D20 fic, and seeing as that's my fandom at the moment, I'd be remiss to not rec something from it.

For the past... Jesus, four years, my favorite fic has been The Prestige by black_feather_fiction (also @black-feather-fiction) No contest. I don't do MCU fic or fandom anymore, but this is the one exception. It's just. It's so good. It's demonstrates the best use of the medium of fanfiction I've ever seen (yes, I'm of the opinion that fanfiction is its own distinct medium, but I'm not going to get into it now.)

Now the conceit of The Prestige is similar to a lot of MCU long fics: what if the plot was... good? Between the California-in-the-1840's/50's amount of untapped gold in the movies and whatever any given writer wanted to pull from the comics, there are so many elements to play with when rewriting a truly epic version of the story presented in the Infinity Saga, or even just a small segment of it. There are a lot of these, and I've read a lot of these. It's exactly my kind of thing, I love a good Plot.

The thing that's special about The Prestige is the way it incorporates the conventions of storytelling in its worldbuilding. To put it simply, an all-powerful God does exist in this universe, and he's three old women who terrorize innkeepers. The Norns/the Fates/other Mother-Maiden-Crone mythological archetypes, are real, and they control the threads of fate, so to speak. The entire universe exists as their plaything, and given the chaos and entropy of the universe, they pull stories from it. The laws of storytelling are just as influential, immutable, and important as the laws of physics in this universe. And just like the laws of physics, they can be manipulated towards a particular use.

This is how the fic opens: with Loki attempting to tell the universe a story so perfect and beautiful that the Norns cannot help but let the tale play out in real life. He doesn't quite succeed. However, the rules of storytelling are never forgotten, by the characters and by the author. Having the conventions of storytelling being a part of story's universe is a brilliant move that I have not gotten over after three years. Obviously, real life doesn't play out like a story, so when telling a story there's always some suspension of disbelief involved, because real life isn't that neat. Having an in-world explanation for the existence of story structure is something I'd never seen before and it's brilliant. And it's perfect for a story about two liars, image-crafters, storytellers, whatever you want to call them.

The story structure being built into the world is incredible, but so is the way the characters attempt to manipulate it in their favor. Even beyond the opening tableau, characters work to push the narrative in directions that will serve them. And the narrative pushes back. Every time I think about how the Fall of the Giant plot beat plays out, I fall more and more in love with it. It's the perfect blend of expectation subversion, expectation fulfillment, and effective character beats. It's fucking incredible.

Besides the rules of storytelling, The Prestige also makes reference to a lot of stories in the cultural zeitgeist in a way that's as delightful as it is earnest. The primary benefit of fic as a storytelling medium is that the audience already has a shared set of knowledge. We know who the characters are. We know how canon goes, and authors already have prepackaged tools to tell their stories with. Less needs to be established in fanfic compared to other kinds of fiction because the audience has a shared knowledge base. The Prestige takes this intertextuality further by pulling from more than just the MCU canon, but from works as varied as Mystery Science Theater 3000, Gremlins, and Alice in Wonderland. These cultural touchstones are in meaningful conversation with the contents of The Prestige and efficiently add depth in a really interesting and engaging way. Hel, even the title is taken from a Nolan movie. This fic is so deeply tied to the culture it's a part of, and I adore it.

Beyond the elements of the story that are inseparably tied to its in-universe use of narrative, the plot is very well put together. I find the bit with Ozymandias (yes, like the Percy Shelly poem) particularly clever, but it's all very good. Despite it's length, I find The Prestige compulsively readable, its writing is excellent. The characterization is excellent, the worldbuilding is engaging, the character dynamics are delightful to read about and devastating for the characters involved. I think this fic may genuinely have everything: Plot, romance, action, adventure, whump, angst, parent/child relationships, (explored from both sides) familial trauma, sexual trauma, self-destruction, sibling relationships, eating disorders--I'm really just listing tags here, but there's So Much, and I love every bit of it. I have loved every bit of it for years, and I don't care how long updates take, I Will Read It. It's the only MCU fic I've been able to read in years, and honestly? I'm not that mad about it, it's fucking incredible.

Now with all that being said, my favorite D20 fic is a lot harder to pick. I've not been in the fandom that long, I haven't read a ton of fic, and my tastes skew towards the Epic, Plot-focused, and Looooooong. Which is a bit difficult to come by (as is time to read.) There are, however, a lot of excellent fics, out there, though I think I have the most to say about The Properties of Adaine by Tangerine_Blast (also @20dimensionsoftangerine) (and by extension its predecessor, but we don't need to get into it.)

The conceit is that because of Oracle reasons, Adaine gets kidnapped by Kalvaxus as a kid and grows older thinking of him as a great paternal figure even though he sucks because her only points of comparison are Arianwen & Angywn. The interesting part is only really discussed and addressed in The Properties of Adaine, which is that she's technically an object! Legally, magically, an object--a dragon's thrall to be more specific. It's a fascinating exploration of the ramifications of DnD worldbuilding, as well as an exploration of identity, security, trauma, etc. It's a bit of a thorny subject to tackle, but so far as I can tell, it's handled with grace and sensitivity. It's doing a lot of very interesting things with the Themes, plus Aelwyn is absolutely insane (she's adopted/kidnapped by Aguefort.) which I get a kick out of. Overall, a striking story (and also one that's still being updated, which is probably why it sticks with me.)

[k1rameki]

i think i need to expand on my losergirl ayana agenda bc lord have i become hyperfixated (buckle up bc i have gone absolutely insane over this) (this might also end up becoming a hc dump uh oh) (also bear in mind thanks to all the recent art ive been seeing of her ive been on a real ayana kick when it comes to ships n shit so yeah some hcs with the other characters imma mention can be interpreted romantically too teehee) (and also!!! more general ayana hcs too :333 i have a cavity in mein cranium that can only be filled with soft ayana content)

also quick emoji keys for dialogue i may add for this ^_^

🎸 - aldryx

🩻 - tabi

🔻- ayana

🎧 - dalia

📼 - agoti

some of the many reasons i believe ayana is an absolute girlfailure is her complete and utter failure in her previous relationship/s (I SAY THIS BC SHE PROBABLY HAS BEEN IN A FEW THAT HAVENT WORKED OUT LONG BEFORE SHE MET BOYFRIEND,, also shes just awkward as hell but thats a story for anotha time)

NOT ONLY THAT BUT HELLO??? she appears so calm and collected whenever shes engaging in simple conversation but internally shes freaking out and she has no idea where anything is gonna end up going and often times she can and she WILL let stupid things slip out of her mouth and immediately she regrets it

and let me tell you this she gets more and more pathetic and losery around dalia,, this woman is in LOVE (hence that stupid doodle i made where aya's just freaking out over the slightest bit of affection given to her) (looks like she might have abandonment issues sorry what)

IN FACT. GIVING PHYSICAL AFFECTION TO EVERYONE. SHES ALL FOR THAT SHIT,, hugs, kisses, stroking hair, you name it, this girl is a massive cuddlebug you cant convince me otherwise

i mentioned my pastry chef ayana hc in passing but i'm gonna fully expand on that now: SO. also aya family hcs bc people should talk ab that but ayana's dad is a chef (no specific speciality, but he does make a lot of baked goods) and growing up she would often mirror what he does and that eventually led to her practicing and honing her skills! :D (she also studies culinary arts at college teehee) ALSO!!! she brings all sorts of baked goods she makes over for all her favourite people to enjoy constantly whether that be cookies, pastries, cakes, all of that yummy stuff

despite being an absolute loser girlfail idiot she can jam on the bass like its no tomorrow. IM TALKING ABOUT SLAP, FINGERPICKING, YOU NAME IT, SHE CAN DO IT ‼️‼️ here's an example of the bass playing style i had in mind for her, very energetic and fluid heuehehehehehe

SPEAKING OF (and this ties in a little with my band au) and whenever she drops an epic bassline everyone just stops and stares at her totally being in the zone

🔻: –casually having the time of her life playing a bassline like theres no tomorrow–

🎸: "yo holy crap aya where has this energy been this entire time"

🔻: "huh what do you mean"

HAIR EXTENSIONS!!! ive talked about this on discord before but ayana with naturally shorter hair so she wears hair extensions! (also bc gender euphoria but shhhh)

i also believe that aldryx and tabi had zero idea that she wore them and just believed her hair was naturally long. this is how their conversation went trust;

🔻: " hey guys ^_^"

🩻: ".....did you cut your hair?"

🔻: "no? my hair has always been short"

🎸: "IT HAS??!!??!!??! 😨 I THOUGHT YOUR HAIR WAS JUST REALLY LONG"

🩻: "ME TOO— jesus christ my life is a lie"

🔻: "theyre hair extensions not the holy grail calm down 😭😭😭"

AND NOW THAT WE'RE TALKING ABOUT AYANA INTERACTING WITH THE OTHERS, LET ME INTRODUCE YOU TO MY AGOTI/AYA DUO HC BC HELLO romantic or platonic these two are fucking adorable, the loserboy + losergirl pairing ever frfr (also bc i hc that theyre really close in age bc iirc ayana's birthday is january 28th so that would make her around 3-4 months younger than agoti to me at least teehee)

those two gossip about anything and everything and every single night they do each other's hair n spend time doing full fledged spa routines while talking shit about anyone and everyone bc theyre high maintenance as hell and take pride in their combined collection of bazillions of good smelling bodywashes and shampoos

🔻: "oh my god, goti i cant believe i forgot to tell you about some crazy interaction i had with someone earlier today i swear its driving me crazy"

📼: "BITCH AND YOU DIDNT TELL ME SOONER? YOU'D BETTER START FROM THE BEGINNING I NEED DETAILS IN FULL"

🔻: "OKOK SO WHAT HAPPENED WAS—"

also she works as a seamstress in her spare time when she's not doing music or baking ^_^ she often uses her expertise to create some outfits (with the help of sketches done by either tabi or agoti) and often has trouble finding someone to be her muse so she often gets dalia to help

she takes this VERY seriously by the way if she hears a singular complaint she will go insane

🎧: "how long is this gonna take 😔😔 my arms are getting sore babe i cant stand like this for much longer"

🔻: "dee i love you but i swear to god if you say that one more time i'm going to stab you with this needle until your arm is red and swollen BE PATIENT PLEASE IM BEGGING YOU 😭😭😭"

🎧: "😀😀😀😀😀 youre gonna WHAT"

also. shes got a BIG sweet tooth — she and tabi bond over sweets and trying all sorts of new things together, especially chocolatey things bc theyre both obsessed with chocolate anything

🩻: "aya i went to the store and i found this wafer cake thing and i thought you and i should try it"

🔻: "TABI THAT LOOKS DELICIOUS OMG go grab two spoons right now you and i are eating all of this right now"

🩻: "OKAY SURE :] i can already tell this is gonna taste good"

also sometimes she forgets to eat proper meals and will consistently only have sweets and snacks all day until someone calls her out on it, shes very forgetful, oopsies!

[wonderlightdaydreams]

I never consented to this mundanity

Quick disclaimer: if this is the first time you see me, welcome! This essay discusses a concept that I coined, known as alterreality. You can read more about it here. If you have any further questions about it, please send me an email. I would love to hear from yall.. 

How many of your favourite Dungeons and Dragons sessions had their hero picking out a phone plan? How about going to the grocery store? I’d give more examples, but you get the idea. You would think that by now, after alterreality is more established, I would have dreamed that I, out of anyone, would have a solution on how to turn these things into an epic quest. While I am working on these answers as we speak, more often than not, I  am the victim of these situations. I would call this essay something generic, like “factors that may get in the way of alterreality,"  but the title I chose rings some sort of truth to me. Although we technically have free will (extistentialist theories nonwithstanding), there is so much boring crap in life that just needs to get done. While this mundanity corresponds with how many individuals see the world, it very much does not gel with the “magical girl/fantasy hero” alterreality that I have constructed for myself. With this, here are some limits that I have found when practicing alterreality.

The biggest limit that I have come across is other people. It's very hard to believe that a grocery store is actually an infested dungeon when someone else is there with you, telling you their shopping list every five seconds. It feels the same as that one guy who loves to remind you that wrestling is fake (note for future writing: wrestling is alterreality!). Yes, I know where I actually am, but let me add whimsy, goddamnit! A smaller nitpick, but when others are around you, it becomes much harder to listen to your music, an essential component of immersion for me. Apparently, when others are with you, you have to engage in conversation with them? I know, wild stuff! This, however, does go two ways! If you happen to find someone else who wishes to participate in alterreality with you (I have yet to find this), then your immersion would skyrocket. I could not be any more thankful to everyone online who validated my experiences, and if (and hopefully when!) I meet even one of you in physical space and you would wish to participate in alterreality with me, I would be more than happy for you to join my adventure. 

Another limit that I have found is the cognitive limit. I have discussed this with others before; however, it is very hard to be both immersed in a given story to the point of belief and complete a cognitively draining task at the same time. Personally, I was working on a project while performing alterreality recently. Everything was going smoothly until I encountered a technical error in which I felt kicked out of my personal reality and back into my regular, mundane existence. I plan on experimenting with preparing an alternate reality beforehand, focusing on the task at hand, then returning to my true reality after; however, I would love a solution that would be more immersive in the moment. 

My third limitation that I would like to bring up is the unpredictable nature of reality. You could plan a perfect hero journey circle, but all social reality can give you is a confusing mess of hero(?) spaghetti. If the event that you were planning on creating the final battle over got cancelled, not much can be done but shrug and throw in the towel. As well, conversations in reality do not pan out the way they do in a story. I am still holding on to the conversation about pottery I had with my friends and a random museum worker, thinking that it has to be important for some quests coming up. Meat reality has many, many beautiful things. However, more often than not, it becomes a monkey wrench in my imagination. 

I did think of one solution to many of these problems. One factor that I think would fix a lot is if modern designers cared more about wonder and whimsy. To put it simply, there are too many Costcos and not enough castles. I’m not saying there should be cathedrals on every block (my city is messed up as it is and does not need the Catholic Church adding to the list of problems). However, I am saying that if you are going to design a place with a lot of foot traffic, it should both serve as fun and imagination fuel. This being said, this does not solve the social aspect. There will always be scenarios where one must maintain a mask of munanity in order to go about day-to-day life. There will always be situations that are too cognitively difficult to create a reality over. There will always be boredom. I may not have consented to this mundanity, but my hope is that I will forge an alterreality for myself that will transcend the physical world, and my life will become a true fantastical adventure.

[laertesthelocalstranger]

Oh noooooo don't tell my employees my big secret I don't want revealed it would be such a shame I love my secrets so much and don't serve a big eyeball of secrets-revealed at all :((

- @elias-magnusnt

There you are! I was wondering when you would show up. that being said:

STUPID IDIOT MOTHERFUCKING JONAH MAGNUS GOD DAMN FOOL STATEMENT COLLECTING DUST EATING RAT OLD BASTARD SHITHEAD IDIOT AVATAR OF THE WHORE BIGGEST CLOWN IN THE CIRCUS LAUGHED OUT OF TOWN COWBOY MOTHERFUCKING JONAH MAGNUS

STOP PINNING ME WHEN I TALK ABOUT JONAH MAGNUS I HATE HIM SO MUCH WHY DOES HE HAVE SO MUCH FUCKED UP INFORMATION WHY DID HE DECIDE TO FUCK AROUND AND FIND OUT JUST SET HIS ANTICHRISTS LOOSE IS HE DEAD IS HE A BASTARD MAN HAS SUCH A VISCERAL AFFECT ON ME NOT EVEN IN THE ROOM NEVER SEEN THIS MANS FACE AND I KNOW HE HAS THE WORLDS SHITTIEST BEARD GET AWAY FROM ME

if i wanted to get into heaven and god said jonah magnus' waiting inside i would piss on gods feet for the sole purpose of getting sent back down

if i have to deal with jonah magnus speaking one word in person on voice in universe not only will I walk away i will tear out my seams out of spite and have to restart my entire life again for the experience of being able to skip all the times when he is mentioned or alive 

i dont even know why i hate him so much. he collects trauma stories but i am just mad because i am angy

he better have some fucked up backstory to explain this if hes just some rich shithead whos a fan of creepypasta and wanted the irl version ill go ham

BETTER have had a statement-giver make him kill a man cuz if he didnt Im going to make him

paypal.com/IFuckingHateJonahMagnus

conversation not even about him. vaguely mentioned what is supposed to maybe be his institute and I lost it 

where the fuck is jonah magnus if hes still alive im going to so deeply wish he wasnt

crusty old man

ill punch magnus and his sad frail old man twig bones will simply flake apart under my epic huge meat fist and he will disintegrate until all thats left is one final tape he kept on him at all times simply marked Now You Fucked Up in ancient yiddish

im not breathing im hyperventilating at this point

i hope theres a date given for when jonah died or will die so i can make it a reminder on my phone 

everyday once a year i will see it and do anything but pay respects to the man who had so many fucked up if true statements

[literary-illuminati]

2024 Book Review #22 – Fevered Star by Rebecca Roanhorse

This was a bit of an odd read for me. I grabbed it because I have vague but generally quite positive memories of reading the first book in the trilogy a few years back, and having finished this I’m not really sure why. It’s not that it’s necessarily an awful read – it’s engaging, the moment-to-moment prose is fine, I finished it easily enough. Hell there’s a decent chance I read the sequel at some point. But my main feeling finishing it is that it’s an artistic failure, that I can see the things it was trying to do and generally speaking it just didn’t manage them. Which is a pity, really.

The book picks up right after Black Sun ended, with the crow god reborn massacring the Watchers and plunging the city of Tova into chaos, and world into permanent twilight as the crow and sun gods battle in the heavens. Inconveniently, the actual sun priest survived, having faked her death and fled to the undercity following a coup shortly before everyone involved died, leaving the ritual incomplete and Serpio (vessel and host of the Crow God) alive. The story basically follows the fallout from this, with the sun priest, crow prophet and three other POVs each showing the political trajectory of some different part of the world as things spiral inevitably toward war.

Which is the first problem, really. This is the middle book in a trilogy, and oh you can feel it. The entire book is spent moving pieces into place and just, table-setting for when the actual dramatic plot kicks off in book three. Now, personally I actually quite enjoy books full of intrigue and conversations on the road as people travel places, but it gets a bit excessive. It doesn’t help that half the POVs get barely any development and feel like they end the book in the same basic emotional/ideological place they started it with no progress at all to their arcs. The whole thing ends up feeling like a giant prologue to the actual story.

A feeling which is not helped at all by the book’s length. I’m not at all opposed to fantasy books being less than 400 pages. I am in fact incredibly in favour of it, the ideas of reading another 1100 page tome just makes me exhausted. But when you’re trying to do a George R. R. Martin-style continent spanning politics-heavy cast-of-thousands epic fantasy, you really need the extra wordcount. The result felt incredibly choppy and rushed, almost more like an outline or storyboard than a completed story. Each main character rushes from pivotal scene to pivotal scene with barely any time for establishing status quos or building relationships and connective tissue – instead things are basically introduced once and then the POV’s internal monologue just explains its importance to you, pivotal events in the plot explained either after the fact or not at all. Maybe one or two character dynamics in the entire book actually worked for me, the rest just felt like reading the ‘relationships’ section of a character sheet. It made getting invested in the whole thing remarkably difficult.

The feeling of reading an outline of a book wasn’t really helped by the lore. We got lots of interesting tidbits and implications, even some grand revelation – and essentially none of them are ever followed up on, or given the weight they really need to really land. The revelation of the Sun Priest having no shit miraculous magic powers after three hundred years of them violently suppressing any sorcery especially is, not exactly brushed over, but certainly no one seems to react to it have as violently as you would expect. Similarly, there’s a great book in here of just Tovan political intrigue and festering generational grudges and conspiracies colliding in the dark, but then that would require cutting out Xilla and Balam’s entire plotlines to make room for it. (I still kind of love the idea of the entire Golden Eagle hierarchy being pretty bitter that the coup they’d been carefully planning for years got derailed because a rival house pulled a messiah out of their ass and wiped out the entire governing elite of the city).

Then there’s things like the magic system – or honestly I feel like I should put that in scare quotes. There’s this idea brought up a few times that every form of magic fits into a neat schematic, associated with a particular god and specifically opposing and counteracting one other type of sorcery. Which I honestly kind of hate, for the same reason that I kind of hate the fact the crow god of shadows and death apparently really is exactly as vengeful and cruel as you might expect from that. Which might be building up to a big reveal in the third book! Who knows. But as is, the entire metaphysical setup just feels terribly like something out of a midbudget tabletop rpg setting, and not at all in a good way.

Which is a shame, because generally the setting is just a delight. No small part of that is just from the novelty of an epic fantasy stories that’s painted in the colours of pre-Columbian Mesoamerica instead of Medieval Europe. But even beyond that, the interplay of the different cities and factions within them is very fun, and it’s just a breath of fresh air to have no straightforward hereditary monarchies in one of these at all. I can’t say is felt really real (it is an agricultural society, plunging the world into permanent twilight as the winter ends isn’t dire and ominous, it’s an imminent famine of apocalyptic scale), but the aesthetics of everything were certainly entirely on point. I was left pretty sad this isn’t a series there’s more high quality fanart for, really.