#it’d make the most sense for him to also be an old wise dude with a beard in the past

[halohalfangel]

Y’all… how we feeling about Past shadow milk with a beard..?

[kristoffs-lullaby]

A Guide on How to Not Confess to Your Best Friend

(Hi!! This is late I’m so sorry ;; but here’s my part for the exchange! @ninjago-valentine-exchange) [ Plasma B | 2.9k words]  Kai was awful with feelings.  He might have played himself off as cool (or at least tried to) but when it really came down to it.. he was a mess. He could dish out flirty comments all he wanted but that didn’t mean that he knew what to do with them if the other party ever decided to retaliate. And that’s not something he figured about himself until Skylor. Maybe that’s why he’d liked Skylor so much. No he didn’t entirely enjoy the moments where his brain staggered and he looked like an absolute fool, but it made him want to try to keep up. If there was one thing he hated, it was being stunned into silence because that just meant he was losing. And Kai didn’t lose. 

While things didn’t really work out with Skylor relationship-wise, he still learned something about himself. And maybe their whole dynamic and the loss of it was what led to the chain of events that he still couldn’t quite believe even as he was living through it. 

Kai didn’t think much of it at first. That’s just how he and the other three Were. They teased each other. Poked fun at one another. Cracked jokes. And sometimes it would be at one another’s expense. Sometimes they’d take it too far and one of them would get pissed and the other wouldn’t understand Why until they had a much needed conversation about limits and boundaries. 

But that never came up when this particular brand of teasing and banter kicked off and maybe it should’ve been obvious way back then that he didn’t mind Jay crossing  this one specific boundary. But Kai was stupid and Kai was oblivious. 

It started as an off-handed comment about how maybe Jay had chosen the wrong sibling to date when Nya refused to side with him in a very heated debate about cake. Like the traitor she was, she took Cole’s side on the whole thing. Kai was at least glad to see that there was no bad blood between the three of them when Jay struck an, admittedly, low blow by bringing up how Nya was backstabbing him for Cole again just like in their former relationship.

That didn’t mean he didn’t want to witness SOME sort of drama. So he sided with Jay. Which led to an uproar. Which led to Jay saying what he did. 

And it was a joke. Kai knew it was a joke. Nya and Cole knew it was a joke. And Jay had obviously meant it as a joke. There was that buffer though and he couldn’t understand why. 

He reasoned with himself that he was having trouble keeping up with all three yelling at each other. All the while he was stuck in the middle and that was why he didn’t say anything immediately and instead took a swig of his soda. But even those few seconds he bought himself apparently weren’t enough because he didn’t even have the time to register the words he planned to say before his mouth had made the decision for him. 

He was playing along apparently. 

“Obviously. I’m much better looking than Nya anyway. Don’t know what you ever saw in her.” Kai hung his head and shook it in disbelief. 

“HEY!” 

It’d been months now and that one moment had spurred on their little unspoken challenge. A competition of sorts. 

Really what they were doing was full on flirting with each other but they’d play it off as if it were a game between them to see who could fluster the other first. Until it wasn’t a game anymore. But neither of them was willing to admit that it wasn’t. And it grew to be a frustrating occurrence because everyone else knew what was up except those two idiots apparently. 

Kai was currently winning though and that’s all that mattered. Yup. All that mattered.

“Hey Romeo!”

Kai’s head snapped up at the nickname. (There was something to be said about the fact that they’d gotten used to using them but he wasn’t about to be the one to bring it up). He watched as Jay jogged up to him before the blue ninja leaned over to catch his breath as soon as he was at a closer distance. Kai wanted to laugh at the fact that the guy was a whole Ninja and still ran out of stamina a lot quicker than Dareth. It was kind of sad, actually, but he couldn’t help the fond eye roll it got out of him. 

“Hey Sunshine.” Kai supplied as he draped an arm over Jay’s shoulders lazily when the other boy finally stood his full height. “I’m guessin’ you have some big news. That or you’re dying to see me and I just took your breath away.” 

Jay snorted and shoved at his chest before ducking under Kai’s arm and side-stepping away from the touch. 

“No. And if you’re about to detail whatever daydreams you have about me it’s gonna have to wait-” 

“Shit. Is there danger?” Kai’s face dropped instantly as a million and one bad scenarios ran through his head. Geez being a ninja was hard.

“No, no, no.” It was sort of cute the way the blue ninja waved his hands around frantically. He was so animated when he spoke and it wasn’t something that was lost on Kai. If anything it was something he found endearing. He couldn’t tear his eyes away. How could he? Jay made it incredibly hard to ignore him. That’s probably why most people he came across labeled him as ‘annoying’. And maybe Kai had used the word against him in the.. not so distant past. But it wasn’t exactly right. Jay just had that sort of presence that demanded attention and sometimes it was a bit overwhelming but.. it wasn’t exactly a bad thing either.

Jay tapped a finger against his chin and looked him up and down. ”Your fashion sense might be a danger to society.. but other than that?”

“You take that back. You’re just jealous I rock everything I wear.” Kai crossed his arms over his chest and squinted. The absolute nerve. This brat was asking for a beatdown during training later. 

“Not jealous. Buuut. I do appreciate the view you’re right.”

“Why you-”

“Here.” Jay interrupted and shoved something in his direction. 

It was wrapped haphazardly. It reminded Kai of something he’d whip together when he was like nine. Back when he hardly knew how to use scissors and the tape dispenser was one of the greatest enemies in his life. Ah the good old days. The longer he looked at it the more ridiculous it looked. It didn’t even look like it had been wrapped with the same wrapping paper all the way through. More like Jay had scraps of various different ones and decided to stick ‘em together. Which.. Actually suited him. This very much screamed JAY. But why was he giving this to him..?

“C’mon dude I know your favorite person in the world just gave you a kickass gift but  you don’t gotta stare at it like it’s the best thing you’ve ever seen in your life when I’m standing right here.” Jay sounded nervous. It was subtle and he played it off well (too well. Since when was Jay good at hiding it?) but Kai could tell in the way his voice rose just a decibel above its usual tone. It was also in the tic. Jay had a habit of looping one of the drawstrings of his hoodie around his finger when he was anxious. 

“My bad. Hold on let me get a good look at you,” This was totally payback for earlier. “Yeah. How could I even question it. Nothing compares.” he determined with a wink to send it home. 

Jay scoffed and was bordering on the edge of giving up this round too if the light pink dusting his cheeks was anything to go by, but in the end it looked like he was going to stand his ground this time. That was fine. This little exchange wasn’t over and Kai had plenty of time to sweep up a tally for the score from right under him. 

Or so he thought. 

Nothing could have prepared him for what happened next. 

Which sounded a lot more dramatic than it really was but what the hell was he supposed to do with this? 

Kai had spent that night restless. A restless night wasn’t foreign to him in any way. From time to time the red ninja had trouble sleeping. If he spoke out about how occasionally he’d lie in bed and just mull over every little detail from the past week, one of the other ninja would make some smartass remark about how Kai only found time to actually use his head at the worst possible time. Or maybe they wouldn’t and they’d understand. But he wasn’t going to try his luck. He’d rather protect himself than be vulnerable in a way he knew would hurt if they didn’t take him seriously. 

But this time he wasn’t lying in bed thinking about all the morbid things that came with being a ninja. This time he was glaring daggers at the stupid red bracelet tied neatly around his wrist. Because what the hell? 

It was so nice  and sweet and yet.. Still the most sinister gift he’s ever received. Because while it left him with this feeling of hope and joy, he was also afraid that the same hope that was so innocently sitting on his wrist would burn him. He was the fire ninja and he was afraid of getting burned. How ironic was that?

Kai draped his arm over his eyes. 

..And the smug look on Jay’s face when Kai couldn’t fight back the rising heat in his cheeks. Ridiculous. 

It was fair when they stood on equal ground. When they met on a mutual battlefield. But now Kai’s gone and dug himself into a trench. No. He’d fallen into it. He liked Jay. Dammit. And he let him win. 

Kai kicked his legs in the air in frustration before sitting up. That’s it. If Jay thought he was going to get away with this he was sorely mistaken. It was on and he was going to go all out. Go big or go home right? Right. 

And a month later the plan was kicking into motion.

“Can you remind me why we have to dress up again?” Jay asked. 

“We’re going undercover, I already told you.”

“Oh okay.” 

Kai wasn’t sure if Jay actually believed him or not but he was going to take it. On the one hand that could’ve read as a sarcastic remark because no Kai wasn’t the smartest tool in the shed and didn’t think this plan all the way through BUT Jay was also the type to just take things as they were.. For a bit. At least until it finally settled in that he didn’t actually know what he was doing then he’d start questioning again. Which Kai was banking on it not being for a while. 

“Well are you ready?” Jay looked up at him expectantly. 

Kai would have loved to say ‘Yes’. He really would have. Except.. 

“I just realized I don’t know how to tie a tie,” his lips drew into a thin line. What he’d done certainly wasn’t right. He knew Jay wanted to laugh. He knew it. Kai didn’t even have to look up at the dumb amused smile on Jay’s stupid face to know that. But he did anyway. And sure enough there he was trying his hardest to hold one back. 

Kai rolled his eyes and looked down again, the embarrassment washing over him just a little too roughly. 

“What, really?”

“Yeah. Never really been invited to events and stuff growing up and well I mean who was gonna teach me anyway even if I had been?” his mouth snapped shut as soon as the words left his mouth. Sure he had a streak of not knowing when to hesitate but god damn since when had it gotten this bad? Probably a while ago. This was not the time to bring up his fucked up childhood and admittedly he wanted to move away as quickly as possible before he could get any sort of response dripped in pity. 

But in true Jay fashion, the comment was the last thing he was worried about. And in true Jay fashion.. he was also full of surprises. 

Before Kai could even apologize or change the subject, there were hands slowly guiding themselves around Kai’s neck. They were Jay’s, that much he could process before his brain started buffering. He couldn’t say anything or even react to the extent that he was internally. Which was absolute chaos. 

Kai’s eyes flickered to the red fabric of the tie and lingered there for a second as he watched it being carefully tied in a way he knew would take him a while to master. His eyes wandered to the soft hands at work and he briefly wondered how they weren’t rough and scarred considering all the tinkering Jay did on top of ninja work. And then finally his eyes landed on Jay’s face and the way it was too adorably scrunched in concentration with his tongue sticking out and all. 

It took him far too long to realize when Jay was finished and he begrudgingly added another point to Jay’s side of the scoreboard in his head. 

Kai had to stop letting him stun him into silence. 

..Some other day. 

Because now they were staring at each other with Jay’s hands frozen in place on Kai’s chest and suddenly Jay was leaning in too close and- It was a kiss. It was a little messy and not at all how Kai imagined this going if it ever happened at all. But it was a kiss. And it was still perfect. 

Kai had wondered before if he’d feel a spark of electricity or if Jay would be able to feel the hot fire that burned Kai’s body without mercy on his lips. Now he had the answer. Or at least half of one. But suddenly it wasn’t important anymore. Suddenly it couldn’t even come close to it being his first thought when he could taste the sweetness of Jay’s favorite banana yogurt on his tongue. Or when he tried to imagine literally anything softer than this moment but only came up short on that end as well. Or when his hand cupped the other ninja’s freckled cheek and it fit there like it had always meant to be there. 

They pulled away after a few beats and Kai’s eyes snapped open and all too suddenly he was pointing an accusatory finger at Jay.

“You ruined it!”

“..Huh?” Poor Jay looked so lost and a little dazed. 

“Your ruined it!” Kair repeated as if that helped any. “I was supposed to trick you into this whole “mission” thing,” he threw up air quotes “but really I was GOING take you to this very nice dinner that the whole team helped out with and surprise you!” 

“And.. why can’t we still do that?” Jay looked at him like he was crazy and like he didn’t understand a damn word Kai was saying. Which.. fair.

“Because the whole point was to eventually tell you how I feel tonight and you were supposed to be so shocked by it and I’d get to see the look on your face and revel in it and finally get my revenge!”

“Huh..? Revenge for what?”

“THE BRACELET!” Kai held up his arm and pointed at his wrist where, sure enough, the red bracelet was still clinging to. 

It took Jay a second or two but soon enough the realization was starting to dawn on him. And he laughed. The bastard laughed while Kai was fuming and beat red from the whole thing. 

“But you beat me again,” Kai dragged a hand down his face and clasped his hand over his mouth trying to hide his blush as much as possible. “You got me. You beat me. I’m the most flustered and I-” he choked trying to form a coherent thought. Feelings were hard, how did he ever think he’d be able to push out an actual confession that night? 

“You were one step ahead and I look like the fool again for letting this affect me so much.” In true Kai fashion he didn’t understand immediately that Jay having kissed him first meant something very very important. He wasn’t smart and he never claimed to be in his defense.

“Kai.”

“WHAT?” 

Jay looked like he was considering something before eventually huffing a breath of air through his nose and shaking his head in disbelief.

“You know I gave that to you on Valentine’s Day right?”

“What?”

Jay pointed to the bracelet.

“Valentine’s Day. I was goooing to ask you out but. You kinda just stormed off like the whole thing pissed you off so.” 

Oh.. OH. Kai was an idiot. He didn’t know how many times he’d have to repeat to himself that he was just flat out stupid until his braincells got the memo and actually did their job.

“I’ll give you twenty bucks if you agree to never talk about this again.”

“Throw in a kiss and you’ve got yourself a deal.” 

“Deal.”

“Now how about that Dinner?”

Jay would later make fun of Kai for perfectly timing his whole scheme to fall on White Day. To which Kai would slide him another twenty to have the blue ninja pretend like he thought Kai had done it on purpose.

 Next year he would get him back on purpose. 

[dreaming-of-assclass]

CURSED MINDS THINK ALIKE BAHDJSNSKS

“I’ve never felt like this about anyone before!” Feat Okajima suddenly Discovering he likes Hayami because of her personality and not bcz of her appearance or whatever

While accepting she won’t like him back and... angst lmao? Or no angst you decide haha :eyes:

If anyone is confused, this came from both me and Nao thinking of a Valentine’s prompt for Hayami/Okajima 😂 aka the ship we love in a serious way and a crack way lmao. 

This turned out be more of an introspective character study lol, but I hope I did it justice, bestie <3

Word Count: 1,694 words

In all fairness, Okajima mused to himself, it’s not like any part of this year went like planned.

Getting sent to Class E was a punch in the gut, for sure. There was no denying that, not after the laughter from his former classmates or the yelling he had to hear from his mom once he broke the news to her.

He’d been expecting a year of slacking, if he was going to be truly honest. He’d already reached rock bottom, no use in wasting his time and energy trying to get back into the main campus. Not when he was an average student, at best.

Fooling around during lessons, being labelled the class clown, hanging out with his friends, admiring his female classmates, overall having a good time. That was what he believed would await him in the dingy old building of 3-E.

Instead, their teacher was replaced by a giant yellow octopus who moved at Mach 20 and was gonna destroy the world, and it was up to him and his 25 classmates to save it.

Yeah. Big change of plans.

Okajima found himself actually being motivated to work, more and more everyday. He felt...excited to go to school everyday and feel better about himself, and his academic capabilities. He loved contributing to assassinations and proving himself a valuable member of the class.

But there was one part of him that didn’t quite go away for a while.

He sighed. His inexplicable love of female anatomy. That was the...polite way to put it. His classmates would phrase it as “his insufferable pervertedness.” Which was totally fair.

It was really shameful how he’d acted for a long time. His defining trait had been born from a life of being raised by his father, as well as the tiny voice in himself screaming for attention. To get noticed in some way, even if it earned him ire and scorn.

For a while, Okajima wasn’t sure how to interact with others beyond showing his perverted nature. 

And looking back now, that was such a cowardly excuse he used. It had taken him way too long to realize that. 

Okajima hated how he used to be, and his eyes were awakened after the girls in his class explained to him what was wrong. How his actions made them feel insulted and uncomfortable.

He painfully recalled the sharp sensation in his chest that formed to a lump in his throat at hearing their words.

It was never his intention to hurt them.

Okajima vowed to change that part of himself, and it was much easier than he thought it’d be. Looking back, it seemed like most of his problems in general came from overthinking.

The year was almost to an end now, and it was early February. Okajima had made a lot of progress, and he was happy to know how much he’s changed. How he had better, more honest relationships with his classmates now.

Well...there was still a bit of an issue...

Hayami. 

The issue was Hayami.

Of course, not in a literal sense. Okajima could never think of her as that...not with the way she pushed back her bangs while reading, when he’d catch her watching cat videos in class, or the occasional times she’d laugh at his jokes...

He groaned to himself. I really do have it bad, don’t I?

As shocking as it sounded, he’d never had a crush before. Not on a girl, at least. Since there was that one boy in sixth grade who he-

Back to the topic, lusting after girls didn’t count as crushes, he realized belatedly. All of the objects of his admiration were solely for their looks, really. 

But...somehow Hayami was different.

Like yeah, she had a banger body in his opinion, the perfect dancer build. But even before he’d had a change of character, that didn’t quite catch his attention as much as it usually would.

His favorite part of Hayami would always be the core of who she was. How she didn’t take bullshit from anyone. How she worked so hard, more diligent than anyone he’d ever known. How she kept a cool head all the time and was so reliable.

He just loved that she was tough and unapologetic for it. 

The first time she’d responded to one of his stupid comments with a sharp, fierce glare, Okajima felt a thrill run through him. Partly out of fear, of course, but mostly out of...curiosity.

She was so different, so mysterious. He wanted to know more about her. And since they were seatmates for the year, that gave him some opportunities.

He was the first to know of her love for cats. He’d caught her looking wistfully at pictures of them on her phone, and he wisely kept that observation to himself. And a few days later, he gifted her with a cute cat-themed stationary set, claiming that his mom mistakenly bought it. 

The way Hayami’s eyes lit up as her lips curved up in a small smile, a whisper of “thank you” falling off them was extraordinary and made Okajima’s heart leap.

Hayami’s other quirks soon added to his feelings towards her. He loved seeing her fidget with her pigtails absentmindedly. How she doodled pictures of cats on the side of her notebook. The way her feet created a small rhythm against the wooden floor, counting to a beat. How she looked like a complete badass during P.E class, loading her gun and shooting with it effortlessly.

Okajima sighed, his arms falling atop his face as he lay in bed. These new...romantic feelings were overwhelming, to say the least. He felt like voicing his thoughts, just so someone- anyone could give him advice. His dad and brother were absolutely out of the picture, though. So the most trusted people were...

He reached over and grabbed his phone, dialing a familiar number.

“Alright, dude. You said you were going through a crisis.” Mimura leaned back into his beanbag seat, popping a piece of candy into his mouth. “What’s up?”

Okajima leaned down slightly, his forearms resting onto his knees. “Well...it’s not really a crisis. It’s just...something new that I’m not used to.”

Sugaya raised an eyebrow from his spot on his bed, glancing up from his pencil in his hand he’d been observing. “I swear, if this is puberty-related-”

“It’s not! It’s more like, my feelings towards something has changed and I’m not sure why.”

“Shoot.” 

Okajima took a breath then released everything in one go. 

“I have a crush on Hayami and it’s not just for her appearance. I really like her personality. I think she’s a total badass who can step on me and I’d love it. But I also think she’s adorable and I wish I could get closer to her. But I know there’s no way in hell she’d ever like me back, so I’m just accepting that and...yeah.”

His friends’ eyes widened simultaneously, as Sugaya dropped his pencil and Mimura paused, holding his candy mid-air. The look they exchanged was almost comical, so Okajima let out a shaky laugh. “Uh...guys?”

Mimura snapped back to reality. “Sorry, sorry. I’m just...surprised.”

The artist hummed. “Yeah...I mean, don’t get me wrong. I knew you’d fall in love or whatever someday. But your crush is what surprises me...”

“Yeah, why Hayami?” Mimura chimed in.

Okajima frowned slightly. “What do you mean by that?”

“I mean...she’s pretty scary,” Sugaya replied.

“And emotionally unavailable,” Mimura added.

“She’s super reserved.”

“Kind of...bitchy on her worst days-”

“Okay!” Okajima raised his voice, irritably. “Are you two done? Did you even hear what I said earlier?”

“No because you said it all really fast in one breath.”

He rolled his eyes. “Well, smartass, there’s so much more to her that I really adore. And I don’t think it’s right to...when you like someone, you accept every part of who they are. You shouldn’t pick and choose what you like about them.”

His friends glanced at each other again. “I guess you have a point,” Sugaya admitted.

Okajima sat back with a sigh. “I’ve never felt like this about anyone before,” he said softly, his voice barely above a whisper.

“Like...all I wanna do is see her smile and be happy. I wanna make her laugh. Seeing her every morning is enough to make my day. I know it sounds dramatic but...”

Mimura frowned at him. “Would you ever confess? Maybe there’s a chance that she-”

The photographer cut him off. “There isn’t.”

“Dude, you don’t-”

“Even if she did, I wouldn’t want us to be together,” Okajima replied. He gave his friends a thin smile. 

“She deserves so much better than someone like me.”

Okajima stopped in front of the door, his hand hovering above the knob. He took a deep breath, trying to calm the thundering sound of his own heartbeat.

It was just another typical day. Or, as typical as a day could be given the circumstances of their class.

And yet, voicing his ambivalent feelings last night gave way to a heaviness that settled deep into his chest. It weighed him down and brought a crushing sensation to his throat as well, like it was hard to breath.

“It’s just in my head,” he muttered to himself, finally turning the doorknob.

Stepping into the classroom almost felt like a dream. He stood briefly as if in a daze, holding his bag. A second passed and he moved mechanically towards his seat.

All around him, his classmates were getting ready for the day. Setting up their desks, gathering around to chat, some were eating a quick breakfast. It didn’t matter: everything just blurred around him anyways.

He set his bag down and began pulling out his supplies. The words fell from his lips in an excited greeting, a grin automatically forming on his lips.

“Good morning, Hayami!”

She turned in his direction, her hand resting elegantly under her chin. Her lips quirked up into a small smile as she returned his greeting. Her tone was casual yet genuine and it sent electricity through him.

“Morning, Okajima.”

Yeah. She deserved only the best. 

And it wasn’t him.

[gross-gal]

yo!! i dont know jackshit about Darkstalkers!! What's it about?? What do you like about it?? What do you NOT like about it?? Tell me alll!!!! (@gamer-gremlin-gf-ships)

AAAAAA THANK YOU @gamer-gremlin-gf-ships​

SO. I’LL PUT THIS UNDER READ MORE BECAUSE THERE’S A LOT.

Darkstalkers is a fighting game developed by Capcom. The main gimmick is that, most of, the fighters are based off of horror archetypes. So ya got vampires, zombies, frankensteins, fishmen, ghosts, all that shit.

There isn’t really much story wise I can elaborate on since, fighting games don’t usually have that much of a story to begin with. BUT, in Darkstalkers 1 and 2, main story is that this big bad dude named Pyron kinda wants to determine if the Earth is worthy to be ruled under him or if he’ll destroy it. Pyron is a shape shifting alien dude from the planet, Hellstorm and he’s really looking for a good brawl so he goes and fights the most powerful Darkstalker, which is whoever you choose to play as.

Now then, to avoid confusion, Darkstalkers 1 and 2 (or Vampire Hunter/Night Warriors: Darkstalkers’ Revenge) are basically the same game. 2 is more of an updated version of 1, has two new characters, better gameplay, and it also changes some part of the story because Demitri (the vampire dude) actually was the one who originally started the whole tournment thing in determining who was the most powerful and I think? Pyron kinda ends up in the way. In 2, it basically is changed to Pyron is the one that starts the tournament, and that’s the canonical version.

So 2 isn’t really that much of a sequel, while Darkstalkers 3 (or Vampire Savior) is an actual sequel to the series. This introduces the antagonist, Jedah Dohma, whose plot is that he wants to collect all the powerful darkstalker souls and put them into this big demon baby, which then be used as a vessel for him. Jedah’s whole thing is that he’s basically disappointed in what has become of the demon world (makai world) and decides that he’s going to annihilate both the demons and humans. He sees himself as a savior, and while there really isn’t a protag, Jedah kind of is considered to be one in 3.

NOW. WHAT IS A DARKSTALKER? It’s literally just...fucking monster? I guess? There really isn’t a specific definition but just know, everyone, besides B.B. Hood because she’s the only true human in the series, is a Darkstalker.

Just gonna get my problems out of the way. Obviously, the series has some sexual stuff, which is fine but it can get uncomfortable. Demitri is a pretty big example since he literally has an ability that just involves transforming the opponent into a younger, more desirable person so that he can drain their blood? I won’t go to into it since it’s gross but yeah. Then of course there’s Lilith and yeah...REALLY WISH THEY DIDN’T MAKE HER LOOK LIKE THAT BECAUSE SHE’S A PRETTY COOL CHARACTER.

Darkstalkers also doesn’t offer much as far as a story, this is sort of good because it offers a lot of freedom as far as writing, but to be honest? A lot of stuff which tries to elaborate on the Darkstalkers lore or whatever, KIND OF SUCKS. I myself, am not into the Udon comics or the mangas, the OVA also doesn’t offer much of a great story. Which is a shame because Darkstalkers has a lot of potential but so many attempts, just kinda fail because they miss the point in the series. Udon and the Vampire Savior manga in particular because they take the series way too seriously or just characterize really strangely? The OVA probably offers the best in terms of story but it’s not even much because the only actual good and satisfying one, is Donovan’s story. His is the only one that actually has a conclusion. Otherwise, the OVA suffers from poor pacing, lots of exposition, or just OOC moments. LIKE??? REALLY DOESN’T MAKE SENSE AS TO WHY FELICIA GETS ALONG WITH ZABEL OR MORRIGAN ENDING UP WITH DEMITRI?

And then I guess a more minor complaint. Darkstalkers has a very specific style, I really think the series look best in the first two games and in the OVA. I personally am not a big fan of the character art in 3 jdskal

NOW FOR THE POSITIVES.

I CANNOT EMPHASIZE ENOUGH HOW MUCH I ADORE THE ART AND ANIMATION IN THE SERIES????

The main artists for the series are Bengus (Gouda Cheese) and Daigo Ikeno. Bengus really fucking nailed how the series should look. It’s got that perfect balance of the gothic, sensual aesthetic with exaggeration and fuckin weirdness of the series. Darkstalkers is a series that completely embraces it’s wacky side and just how campy it’s influences are. I mostly love Bengus’ earlier works from 1 and 2. Daigo’s stuff is much more casual and less elaborate compared to Bengus’ works but I kinda love that, he’s really great at showing off the characters in more casual situations and showing off their goofier sides. I’ll share some of my favorite pieces at the end.

OH GOD. AND HOW CAN I NOT BRING UP THE ANIMATION???

While I wouldn’t say it’s as fluent as Street Fighter Alpha 3′s sprites, because Darkstalkers is able to be more creative with it’s moves, the results are some super wacky and fun animation. Darkstalkers animators heavily referenced old Looney Tunes and Hanna Barbera cartoons when it came to animating. I really don’t know a whole lot of fighting games, especially from Capcom, that look the way Darkstalkers looks. And a lot of that comes from the fact that Darkstalkers isn’t very limited. Characters can launch missles, fireballs, fucking blood?. Characters can extend or manipulate their body. Or just do weird shit like transform characters into basketballs, make characters perform in a rhythm game?, A CHARACTER STRAIGHT UP USES HIS ASS CHEEKS TO GRAB YOU AND SUMMON LIGHTNING?? Everything is super fucking wild and that’s what makes the series.

A lot of people say Darkstalkers needs to be gorey and sexual but that’s really not what the series is about. Yes, Darkstalkers is def sensual but it also really doesn’t take itself seriously. That’s what so many people miss. And honestly? Even though it was terrible, the American cartoon ends up being the most accurate to the source material because it gives no fucks and so much weird shit just happens.

Another thing I love about Darkstalkers is how much it subverts it’s characters and just how creative they got. You have an Australian zombie rockstar, a catlady that’s also an idol and a nun??, a demon possessed samurai ghost armor guy. The character design is genuinely fucking brillant and not at all what you’d expect to get when given the idea for monster characters. I would talk about the characters but you see how long this post is starting to get.

And I haven’t talked that much about gameplay but Darkstalkers feels fucking great. If you’re curious about which game to get into, absolutely go with 3/Vampire Savior. It feels great, combo inputs are relatively simple, you can straight up beat the game just by button mashing, and no character really feels too similar. It’s also a very fast game too, if you ever watch tournaments, they go by so fast and when you play it, you’re very much engaged. It’s a game that requires a lot of attention and I enjoy that. I also have to mention this but, pretty much every character has their own unfair, bullshit tactic that, if you plan on getting good, will require you to figure out how to avoid depending on what character you use. There’s a sorta popular joke with the game that, it’s balanced if all the characters are broken. I’ll admit, probably not the best game for someone like me that sucks as far as remembering stuff and being able to plan ahead, but I still have lots of fun with the game!

I really didn’t expect to become as engaged in the series as I did but there is a lot to appreciate about Darkstalkers. It’s unfortunate to because, sadly, Darkstalkers likely will never get another game.

While the series is technically popular, it’s still way too niche compared to most fighting games. It just never had the same impact as other fighting games, and ultimately, no matter how good those games feel to play, there’s always shit like Marvel vs Capcom that just is more well known and features more stuff that just is what people prefer going to. I think Capcom will pretty much stick with having Darkstalkers characters appear in crossover games vs actually giving the franchise another game

They tries reviving it with Resurrection, which was a re-release of the games on Xbox and Playstation, but it hardly even sold that many copies. Which is where the phrase “Darkstalkers are not Dead” originated from, a phrase that has become a joke now in the fighting game community. Even if they were to revive the series, it’d be difficult recapturing that same vibe since most of the original crew are working on completely separate projects. There’s also a part of me that does fear the idea of another game because of how it’ll be handled. I’ve heard people mention possibly having the Skullgirls team develop or maybe Arc Systems, I just don’t want a lot of the charm to be lost in a sequel.

Since a fighting game isn’t really possible, I do hope for maybe a show or comic series that explores the characters and story more.

My brain is kinda blanking rn but yeah. I just fucking love this series a lot. I hope maybe someday I can contribute something great to this franchise and I hope you listened to me ramble about it.

[happymetalgirl]

The 15 Worst Metal Albums of 2020

This list might have been shorter if not for my running into a few awful albums at the end of the year that I had been avoiding wisely up until that point. My morbid curiosity got the best of me, and what’s done is done. I’m paying the price for it by going back over the worst albums I heard all year. Let’s get this over with.

15. Ghøstkid - Ghøstkid

This was the debut solo album from the former singer of Eskimo Callboy, who had a pretty decent backing of hype heading into this release under the Ghøstkid moniker, but with the namesake frontman putting in no more than the standard performance on a bunch of poorly assembled tracks in an unappealing and dated poppy metalcore style, ultimately the eponymous album wound up disappointing me pretty substantially.

14. Powerman 5000 - The Noble Rot

Powerman 5000 are just such a low-rate band that even one of their more okay albums makes it here. While not as astoundingly, mind-numbingly basic as their worst material, The Noble Rot is still some of the most unevolved, underwritten, and forgettable electro rock and industrial metal I’ve heard from a big name artist. This is some eighth grade level songwriting here, and that’s a fuckin’ feat for a band that’s been around longer than any eighth grader has.

13. Corey Taylor - CMFT

There was a lot of hype around Corey Taylor finally coming out with a solo project, and it was pretty damn disappointing to hear a bunch of uninteresting classic rock too tacky for Stone Sour. CMFT focuses on the fun side that has made its creator such an enigmatic figurehead in the metal press, but its one-note approach does little more than highlight Corey Taylor’s songwriting deficiencies. I really could have seen this album turning out better too, with just some more time and care put into it, if a fun time of an album is what Taylor was going for. Unfortunately Taylor tried to make a party album and a grand ceremonial tribute to his greatness at the same time, and ego-petting and partying don’t really go hand in hand.

12. Evildead - United States of Anarchy

It has some good bones underneath it, but Evildead’s long overdue (if anyone was asking for it) third album wears out its welcome so quickly with some of the most adolescent thrash I’ve heard in a while. The band gets some good rhythms going and the vocals aren’t terrible either, fitting the older thrash style pretty well. But the band’s predictable formula tires out very quickly, and the political commentary of the lyrics is too cheesy and cringeworthy to ignore. It seems every year we get a handful of these kinds of albums that try to get into the simmering thrash revival with some ultra retro approach, and a good portion of those albums are from long-defunct bands who figure their primitive old-school approach might be a selling point despite their sounds often being even more juvenile against the backdrop of today’s metal landscape. So it’s not a huge surprise or anything to hear an album as ham-fisted and corny as United States of Anarchy; this year it just happened to be Evildead.

11. Five Finger Death Punch - F8

They may not always place highest in this list, but they always manage to make it here, and this was actually an improvement on the last album, not that that’s saying all that much. In fact, I’d say this is the only time in the band’s history that they actually shifted their trajectory upwards. But while the band’s ugly continual creative decay has been a hard thing to watch and made them the five finger punching bag of the metal world, there seems to be a large enough swath of mouthbreathing chuds who love their incoherent derivative shit and flock to their shows enough to put them in lucrative headlining slots and on top of the metal world. Goddamn that sure sounds a lot like someone else we all know doesn’t it. I’ve criticized them plenty in the past, and while indeed an improvement, F8 only mildly remedies the numerous problems with Five Finger Death Punch. Still septic to the system are the predictably formulaic and tiresome songwriting, the stale production, the corny butt rock choruses, the shitty bootlicking worldview that bleeds into Ivan Moody’s douchey and faux-deep lyrics, the contrived ballads and country-dabbling. Even with an improvement in the flow of the track listing and a few more bangers that somewhat hearken back to their first album, F8 is still an over-thought and overly calculated batch of Sirius XM fodder that’s trying to please everyone in some superficial way. I’ll grant that it seems as though the band realized they had been giving the more metal-immersed side of their fanbase that has been with them the longest smaller and smaller crumbs with each new album. I’m not gonna hold my breath for this being anything more than placating for the time being; I’m sure the next album will find the band back on whatever bullshit they feel (or their execs feel) they need to be on to pull enough streams from inattentive radio metal bros. I always end with the disclaimer that I still steadfastly stand by the band’s first two albums, and even American Capitalist to a degree, and that I totally acknowledge the immense potential for greatness this band could seemingly at any time decide to fulfill. Ivan Moody is a talented vocalist with a lot of star power and they really could have been the second coming of Pantera or singlehandedly ignited a new wave of American groove metal and metalcore or carried it on their own. But instead the band have followed the money on the path of least resistance to fast-track their way to the top of festival tickets, which I’m sure affords them quite enough luxury and comfort in life, more than most bands these days get, but it doesn’t exempt them from criticism, and unfortunately I think their legacy will show that they were a lowest common denominator kind of band at the end of the day when they could have been, again, like a second Pantera or something.

10. Anvil - Legal at Last

Another year, another album of Anvil unable to evolve past their prototypic thrash of their forty-year-old origins. Though as tacky as ever, Anvil actually also managed to make a mild improvement on their last album on the musical front at least. The songs are a little more energetic and easier to get through, if not for the lyricism though. Anvil lyrics are never anything beyond a fourth-grader’s poetry assignment for their English class, but some of the Facebook boomer lyrics here are fucking cringy dude. A quick look at the track listing will let you know exactly where you’re gonna find the juiciest cringe, but honestly, even as far as cringe goes it’s nothing comedically special and cringe culture in general is played out anyway. So do yourself a favor and just ignore Anvil the way they deserve to be ignored.

9. Halestorm - Reimagined

It feels a little harsh to place an EP here, especially for a band whose album back in 2018 was one of the best things I have heard to come out of hard rock in a long time. But these stripped back covers and revisions of songs from the band’s catalog just suck all the oomph out of them, perhaps making the case by contrast for the importance of the role the rest of the band behind the indeed charismatic powerhouse frontwoman Lzzy Hale play in making their sound what it is. It’s unlikely this points to any kind of new direction for them, so I’m not particularly worried about them running into this problem again. Plus, I don’t think Halestorm and Lzzy Hale are like fundamentally incompatible with more ballad-y rock music, this forced balladization of older songs just did not work, and it makes perfect sense as to why.

8. Gama Bomb - Sea Savage

The fact that this album is only number 8 on this list is just depressing for its reminder of just how much shittier it got this year. The fact that there are seven albums from this yet worse than Sea Savage, goddamn. With one exception, this was maybe the stupidest album I heard all year, at least in the thrash department it was. God this thing is a sugar high mess. I feel like a toddler on an entire bag of Halloween candy or an elementary schooler on a 2-liter of Mountain Dew sat at a computer to program a thrash album would’ve probably come up with something like this. The erratic operatic highs and dumbass lyrics, it all just embodies everything that ever made thrash look bad. It’s like that drunk guy at a party who’s hyper as shit and doing a bunch of crazy stunts for attention because he thinks it’ll make the people there like him more, but really he’s just embarrassing himself. Yeah, definitely the worst thrash metal album I heard all year, and one I wish I could unhear.

7. Amaranthe - Manifest

One of the albums I was avoiding but reviewed late out of my own weird sense of obligation that I wasn’t surprised to find only validated my reasons for avoiding it in the first place. The weird combo of dancy pop music and power metal isn’t as crazy of an idea as it might seem at first thought. In fact, that’s basically in part what Babymetal are doing, and actually getting better and better at. But Amaranthe get the worst of both worlds with Manifest, unsavory pop melodies and utterly generic symphonic metal to make for something I’m not at all surprised I was so repulsed by.

6. Trapt - Shadow Work

Yep, I listened to it. God, no wonder this band is flailing in irrelevance with aggressive MAGA nonsense being their only audible desperate plea for attention. The album, thank fuck, isn’t steeped in the same bitch boy tantrum that the band’s singer has engaged in all year to the point of getting his band’s Facebook page banned for hate speech, and the music isn’t like offensively poorly made or anything like that either. There’s clearly a conscious meeting of the baseline requirements for the type of music they make, but holy fuck it’s so damn flavorless and predictable. It’d be one thing if this was the trendy thing to be doing, but this diet hard rock for people who think Three Days Grace is too wild has been out of fashion for over a decade. And Trapt are just recycling the same dumb formula that overstayed it’s welcome in the early 2000’s. Yeah, I’m not surprised at all, but god, it’s the kind of thing that has to be apparent to the band themselves too unless they’re lacking of any and all self-awareness. Trapt have thrown themselves to the forefront of the online metal world’s discourse by being an annoying, toxic, and childish presence all year; the silver lining being the unity among metalheads in roasting their laughable posturing about their Pandora numbers and the juicy memes about their one hit “Headstrong” that rile the snowflake singer up without fail. And this shit album is just another reason to laugh at them and more fuel to roast their crybaby Trumper frontman with. Go back into your hole, Trapt. 3/10

5. Unleash the Archers - Abyss

I talked about it in my review, but there really is only one simple thing that sinks this album so low. And that is just how incredibly low-effort and lifeless it is with a genre that’s supposed to be so life-affirming. Power metal isn’t the most highly revered genre in metal, but that’s just for its cheesiness. I love it; when it’s at its best, it’s some of the most inspiring metal music out there and I genuinely wish there was a bigger demand across the board for it. But Unleash the Archers just sound so flat and unenthusiastic in this album, and, sorry, in power metal, unabashed enthusiasm is just nonnegotiable. The guitar parts are phoned in and lacking in imagination, and the vocals especially are so narrow-range, it’s all so antithetical to the ethos of power metal and it doesn’t make a strong case for itself. I’ll leave it there; this album is lazy and lifeless so I feel no need to waste any of my time and work on it.

4. Burzum - Thûlean Mysteries

Ol’ Varg must’ve needed a new wizard hat or camouflage pants or whatever goofy shit he’s been doing since retiring the Burzum name to focus on his racism and LARPing because I thought Burzum was supposed to be finished. I thought you were done with Burzum, Varg. Apparently not too done to not dump an hour and a half of embarrassingly half-baked ambient dungeon synth song fragments that sound, so many of them, quite obviously unfinished. Varg Vikernes has been a washed-up shell of the musical god the various weirdos who idolize him make him out to be for a long time now, and it has shown in the gradually degrading work he had put out after his release from prison. Yet after clearly not caring about creating music in any meaningful way for a long time, Varg drops this heap of shit in his fans’ laps. I suppose they deserve it, but I’m sure some of them are delusional enough to lap it up with a smile on their face while still believing their white nationalist idol to be a musical genius. Again, it’s entirely dull ambient music, not metal at all, but it deserves to be shit upon for its astounding laziness and purposelessness.

3. Asking Alexandria - Like a House on Fire

Doubling down on exactly the unflattering crossover of pop music with their significantly sanitized butt rock in their apparent quest for arena glory that started with their self-titled album back in 2017, Asking Alexandria’s bid for the big spotlight that Imagine Dragons occupies didn’t get any stronger this year with Like a House on Fire. After three or four years of aiming for this style, the band still aren’t even all that competent with the basics of fucking pop rock, which is pretty downright laughable. Honestly, for an album so high up here on my shit list, my feelings on it are more or less just that of unsurprised disappointment; as soon as I got a feel for what the band were doing with the album, I knew it was going to be a mess of predictable results. And lo and behold. This was just such a wholly inexcusably floppy paper towel of an album, and one more Asking Alexandria release I know I won’t be returning to ever again.

2. Hollywood Undead - New Empire, Vol. 2

Coming on at the last minute to get on the scoreboard, reliably, is Hollywood Undead. When I reviewed both volumes of this project earlier, I referred to them as “corporate Linkin Park”, and I stand by that 100%. This album especially showcases nothing but what an incoherent, vapid, clout-chasing act they are, with such a corny, focus-grouped sound that sounds like it was made in a lab by a bunch of out-of-touch boomers. God, they could’ve been safe too if they had left it with the more tolerable first volume back in January, but this follow-up sequel from just this month was exactly why I had avoided listening to the first installment in the first place. And I should’ve never played this second one either. The album opener, “Medicate”, is probably the worst song I sat through in my own volition this year, and the rest of the album doesn’t get much better. It’s nothing new for Hollywood Undead after I gave their 2017 album my award for least favorite album of that year: more unfitting interplay between machismo posturing Eminem-cosplay and the sappiest, wimpiest radio rock and pop choruses; more cringy tough-guy struggle bars; more forgettable-at-best instrumentals. Congrats again, Hollywood Undead, you made one of the worst albums of the year once again.

But even worse than Hollywood Undead is an album that I feel like is already so legendarily bad, that there is no other album that could’ve been sat here. It had to be this one.

1. Six Feet Under - Nightmares of the Decomposed

Shitty metal bands everywhere can breathe a sigh of relief any year Six Feet Under decide to put out new music because any album they release is just about bound to end up as everyone’s #1 worst album of the year, and boy is that guarantee becoming more and more airtight with each successive release. It’s truly astounding too how Six Feet Under manages to outdo themselves every time. I don’t even want to think about what could possibly come after Nightmares of the Decomposed; we’ll cross that bridge when we get there. But for now, holy fermented shit, this thing is not just bad, it’s like the holy grail of terrible TERRIBLE albums and I don’t want to know what kind of apocalyptically despicable album Chris Barnes and company could possibly conjure to outdo this one. And make no mistake, it’s still Chris Barnes dragging this band down. I gave this album a 1/10 instead of a 0/10 because there was at least a sliver of salvageable instrumentation on it, as thin of a sliver as it was, a few halfway decent musical ideas of you squinted hard enough. The instrumentalists are checked out and clearly just participating for the paycheck, but I can’t even imagine what kind of professional instrumental performance could possibly overshadow the embarrassment that Chris Barnes put to tape in the studio here. Maybe that says it, because it honestly sounds utterly unprofessional. It’s baffling how this got through management and sound engineering to be released to the public because I don’t think I’ve ever even heard any amateur high school band’s vocalist sound this bad. Vocal ingenuity is generally something to be applauded in the metal world, and pioneers like Randy Blythe, Dani Filth, and Travis Ryan deserve all the praise they get for their innovation with dirty metal vocals, yet what Chris Barnes has “invented” here on Nightmares of the Decomposed to compensate for his continually-deteriorating vocals is just sad. The man simply cannot perform highs anymore, clearly, and the alternative is this fucking comical, cartoonish squealing that sounds more like a bratty toddler gargling their own snot than it does anything fitting for a death metal record, even a death metal record at stupid and cheesy as Nightmares of the Decomposed. Chris Barnes should be thankful that metal is not a sport and that there’s not nearly as much of an abundance of performance statistics to point to and analyze to see what kind of records are broken in a legendarily awful performance. I feel like if there were any kind of performance stats to pull up, this album would have to break some kinds of records. Like this is worse than that 7-1 Germany-Brazil World Cup game, this would be like if the Brazilian team all got unholy levels of blazed and repeatedly scored on themselves because they kept going the wrong way and kicking the ball into their own net, and then pissing their fucking shorts. Even in 7-1 defeat, Brazil had more dignity than Chris Barnes here. Six Feet Under and their label have to know they are a laughing stock and that people will listen to them at this point for the sheer entertainment value of how mind-blowingly awful they sound. It’s not an illegitimate marketing tactic, and it’s the only explanation I can come up with for how this passed inspection. If that’s their mission, to be a spectacle and instill cringe in death metal fans in a regular ritual of comically stupid performances across every successive album, they’re sure doing it, and I guess this baffling headache-trophy is their well-earned prize. Congratulations Six Feet Under, you did it again! Worst metal album of the year.

[vaguely-concerned]

Mass Effect Initiation thoughts

In short: this book is actually really good, N.K. Jemisin is, as we all know, an excellent writer! It’s the story of how Cora met Alec Ryder and joined the Initiative, and it has SO much good good SAM content and I am full of emotions. 

- poor cora is so continually out of her depth, I want to give her a hug. the points made about her in the main game are true though -- she is not ready for leadership yet. (and that’s fine! she does much better with something or someone to belong to and that is so Valid. she’s an honorable Loyal Knight!!! one of the sexiest things to be, as we all know)

I think I’ll actually like her a lot more on this new playthrough now -- she must have been quite hard to write compellingly in the game because at the end of the day she’s really very straightforward and honest and loyal, it’s quite hard to uh ‘hide’ things in her character  

- alec ryder deadass installed an unspeakably illegal (and did I mention experimental?) AI in cora’s head with no informed consent whatsoever. d A D 

(when cora is like ‘are you actually going to another galaxy because they don’t have laws to stop you from committing fully to your craziness in public’ and alec is like *...maybe so meme* fadsfhkj he does literally say ‘this is why I’m going to another galaxy’ out loud at a later point of the book)

- this book is giving me the good good SAM content ;________; I love SAM so much, the scene where cora thinks she’s dying and SAM talks to her? when cora asks SAM if he’s okay being connected to her because if he’s sentient that matters to her (cora is a Good)? SAM explicitly having inherited alec ryder’s sense of humour and sarcasm and alec a) doesn’t know how it happened, b) distantly thinks he should probably track that process down and turn it off (and never does) and c) regrets all his life choices when his robot kid mercilessly snarks at him and questions his life choices? please bioware give me an me:a sequel with more of this stuff I’ll eat it up with a spoon

- body diverse asari! HUGE BUFF ASARI! Short stocky beautiful matriarch asari with one krogan and one turian trophy husband fast asleep in her bed in the background of a vidcall fkdjshfkjsdlhfkjsdah god I love mass effect with my entire heart

- OLD LADY INFORMATION BROKER VOLUS WORKING OUT OF ILLIUM!!!! this is not a drill what the fUCK this is the coolest shit 

- fasdklhfsjkdalfhsdjk okay in Alec Ryder POV: “I don’t think [Cora] likes me very much.” Which probably meant she had good judgement. AFLSKJDHGJSDKF ALEC 

he has a weird flip-flopping sense of self -- he is uncompromisingly (one might even say... astoundingly arrogantly) secure in his own intellectual superiority and that most other people are idiots not to be trusted and that he needs to do things himself because others would mess it up, and yet there’s this clear seam of self loathing around basically everything else about himself too. (You know who he reminds me of, in a more military and less visibly anxious way? Rodney McKay. Alec Ryder is like a slightly unfortunate outcome for a McShep lovechild. I think we just figured out why I have sort of a soft spot for him even though he’s a certifiable dick lol) 

- this book really makes it hit home that cora grew up incredibly isolated and dirt poor. I’ve seen some people say her backstory is all sunshine and daisies compared to kaidan and especially jack’s, but honestly her background is complicated and fucked up enough that I’m just like ‘shit baby :(’ all the time

- well I have successfully solved the puzzle about whether alec ryder is an idealist or not; he absolutely is. a grouchy, bad-tempered one with no people skills, but an idealist nonetheless. alec ryder is in fact a storm of 150000 emotions in a trenchcoat, barely held in check by a thin fragile outer shell of iron lol, SAM was absolutely right to say that he was mostly governed by his feelings. (and I mean if anyone would know it’d be SAM I guess). I found some of it sort of sweet actually: he reflects in passing that one of the biggest reliefs of no longer being in the alliance is that he’ll never have to risk other people’s lives again. he fundamentally wants to build something good to help people live and be happy instead of destroying things. (he also is quite bad at predicting how other people could corrupt and use his innovations precisely to be destructive b/c he doesn’t think that’s the ~*logical*~ thing to do, so... y’know haha, maybe it’s good he went to another galaxy, the milky way could not contain his chaos) 

also he thinks a lot about his wife, even though she’s been dead for years at this point. o u c h (she truly does seem to have been a tether for him in so many ways though -- like a tie to the real world/normalcy/possibly sanity, and that’s a bit how he still evokes her)

additionally: alec ryder did fistfight at the very least one dude in the line of bureaucratic duty, and perhaps more, enough for SAM to have a list of warning signs ready and at hand jdfsklfhasdjf. he did, very much, throw a dude through a table. (at least it’s implied said dude was an asshole) I LOVE that alec’s SAM is  the snarkiest iteration we’ve seen and that he’s perfectly willing to call the old man out on his bullshit (alec stresses that SAM is supposed to do what he says at the end of the day, but his SAM is also less subservient and more willing to argue and discuss things than any other we get to see -- and this is of course the SAM Ryder inherits, but I don’t think SAM is as confident in being able to read the PC correctly until a bit further into the game and the twin is of course a different person who’ll respond to different things so he’s not quite as... blunt? I guess? in confronting them about things. (the whole concept is just! so! interesting!!) anyway I feel like all of this says something about alec’s parenting style, for better or for worse haha. he sort of tries to be authoritarian but his children (well canonically at least Sara, she references having yelled at him a lot over the years) aren’t afraid to fight back or scared of the consequences of disagreeing, so I get the distinct feeling his temper never flared violently like that with his family at all, I think he’s more prone to just pulling away in disapproval.) 

- I enjoy how casually diverse this book is  -- Jemisin has done such a good job making sure especially the human characters are from different backgrounds and places, as they would be lore-wise in the Mass Effect universe, though the games often skew unfortunately white. (andromeda much less so than the trilogy, though)   

- my heart. is so so soft for the fact that a huge reason for cora to join the initiative is how much she bonds with SAM-E. and I am so sad for her because she just wants someone or something who’ll stay, something that won’t disappear on her without closure like her parents; she’s so insecure and scared under her competence (and WHY THE FUCK WOULDN’T SHE BE holy shit her parents just. weren’t there one day after she left home so she wouldn’t accidentally crush their ship with her untrained biotics and kill them all). and she chooses alec and his dream. and then alec goes and FUCKING DIES at the first opportunity Y____________Y alternate universe alec please drink your victor sullivan juice and survive, all these dumb children need you  

- I am so surprised about how much fond respect alec seems to have for cora and how quickly he developed it. I suppose he has a harder time with his own children because it’s closer to home? he is a complicated man lol, this last part of the book where he shows her the ark and everything is weirdly sweet. again I think he has the potential to be a good dad somewhere in there and that just makes it so much worse that he wasn’t. (also he staunchly considers himself still a married man. god help me) 

they’ve both grown to honestly love their sams T________T fml. (well alec has sort of bound up all of himself, the things he loves and their future in SAM, so it’s a bit more complicated but my point still stands) alec advocating for a consensual synthesis is very heartfelt and convincing; you really want to believe him.

cora seen through someone else’s eyes is also SO AMAZING!!! after this whole book in her head and she feels so flailing and uncertain and adrift and other people naturally view her completely differently. I especially like alec picking up on her not talking a lot. (I think this is why she responds so well to SAM, who’ll be there always and can be in her head. I wish this part of cora was more evident in the game, the fact that she has this sibling-like connection to SAM seems very important. sequel where both SAM and Ryder grow closer to becoming her actual family? please? I keep begging for ME:A2 into an empty aching void haha) 

- alec ‘I don’t have time to die’ ryder still talking about everyone else being idiots as he’s slowly catching fire while saving SAM fhdjfhsdlfhasdhlfsjd he is an asshole but it is hard not to stan 

- nO SAM-E D:D:D: oh well at least he’s still alive within SAM, in a way?

- hey. hey you know what’s fun. alec tries to use his last words and last thoughts to ask cora to tell the kids about ellen being alive this time too. haha. ha. fuck

he consistently goes out thinking of his family despite all his bullshit and I’m not okay

- CORA IS A PERFECT BODYGUARD/SECOND IN COMMAND AND I’M EMOTIONAL 

- alec is. surprisingly afraid to hurt people emotionally? he keeps putting off telling cora the bad news about SAM-E, to SAM’s stated disapproval lol (I must repeat again: I love SAM so so much). this supports my thesis that in his personal life he’s avoidant rather than confrontational/aggressive. (professionally... again, he did very much throw a man through a table) 

- man I hope we some day get SAM being this comfortably close and sarcastic with Ryder too. thinking about SAM-E and the small differences between him and uh SAM ‘prime’ it really must have been a huge thing for him too to become someone else, especially after the last person died like that. and he kind of has no choice but to experience that loss and death intimately. (now that I think about it that’s. fucked up, man. he literally felt alec go like it happened to himself.) 

If I were to summarize the differences between the SAMs we have seen, cora’s SAM-E seems younger, more exuberant, shyer and more -- what’s a non-shitty word for needy haha? it’s very firmly established that cora longs to feel needed, so this makes perfect sense. alec’s SAM is blunter, snarkier and more prone to questioning things, and hilariously is sort of alec’s emotional intelligence. (probably serves a similar role to what ellen used to, actually. ow) scott/sara’s SAM feels more worried/focused -- which also makes sense; he’s just experienced losing his person/pathfinder, in a real way he’s also recently orphaned and must be Extremely aware that he now has an enormous responsibility, not only what he was built for but for what remains of alec’s family. ...poor SAM 

(come to think of it I guess one vibe I get from in-game SAM is a little bit of ’harried and anxious yet loving and responsible uncle’ hahaha)

- so at this point alec knew cora could never be pathfinder after him, and he never told her. *accumulation of asshole points continues, though I suspect this might have come from a place of not wanting to hurt her again (b/c he’s the only one who has a right to know these important things amirite)* but I’m also strangely touched that the reason he’s hesitant to involve his children in the whole thing isn’t that he doesn’t have faith in them, it’s that he doesn’t want to burden their lives with something so heavy, a burden he created. can you just imagine... if this man had managed to take the time to explain himself, his motivations and his feelings to his children just once. just one fUCKING time. am I laughing am I crying I honestly don’t know

- this book makes me ache all over for the potential of Andromeda. and I don’t think it’s too late to salvage it either. I know a sequel probably won’t happen, at least not any time soon, but... *sits by rainy window like a wife wistfully wondering if her husband will return from sea*

[popculturebuffet]

Jake Reviews Stuff: Bojack Horseman: Horay Todd Episode! (Plus a little bit on girls with slingshots)

Happy final day of pride month everybody! It’s been a hell of a ride.. and not just because the current landscape of the globe feels like hell right now, And to close it out we’re taking a look at an often overlooked segment of the queer community in media: Asexuality. I first learned about asexuality from the web comic girls with slingshots, because I love comic strips as much as comic books and because mainstream media tens to be really bad about telling people about diffrent facets of the lbtqa+ community, proven by the fact It took me till 2010, 18 years into my existince, to learn trans people existed from the long running candian teen drama Degrassi, birthplace of candian rapper Drake despite his damndest attempts to make people forget that, and a show that actually tackled the subject really well and the horrible shit trans people have to put up with, especially at Adam’s age. I also bring it up to apologize for a lack of trans representation of this pride as I scratched my head trying to think of some.. only to forget “oh yeah that really damn good rocko special from last year exists and has been sitting there all month dumbass” as I was writing this. I’m truly sorry and will try to get a review of static cling out sometime in june as an apology. 

Back to Girls with Slingshots though because like with degrassi I want to give it genuine props and a talk here both for teaching me about it and being really good at queer representation in general. We actually meet the comic’s Ace representivie Erin, a shy 19 or 20 year old, when lead and professional dumbass Hazel hired Erin to find out who was dating her friend Jamie.. turns out

Given Jamie had only been dating men up to this point, and her one time with a woman lead to her assuming she wasn’t bisexual,  when Jamie TRIED to tell Hazel what was going on Hazel, being kind of a dim, assumed it was an aaron and Erin decided rather than just you know, show up and let the the hamster in hazel’s brain slowly figure it out to do this. 

Why yes that is a tiny asexual wearing the most transparent graucho marx-ish disguise ever. And why yes Hazel absolutely falls for it and even when Erin outright takes off the disguise it still takes Hazel a good minute to connect the dots. And why yes, this strip is awesome and is worth taking a large amount of time to talk about in an almost entirely unreatled article, more than i’d planned really. But eventually things hit a snag: the two TRIED having sex before Erin left to go to school in london.. and given i’ve out and out admited she’s asexual, you can guess it went badly, with Jamie feeling bad it was so uncomfortable and didn’t talk to her until visting her in london, where the two patched things up: They still loved each other, Erin was simply asexual and Jamie realized she was biromantic.  However this didn’t mean Jamie herself was asexual.. and to Corsetto’s credit she actually fully dealt with this. After Jamie accidently became a meme while complaning about how horny she felt, the two had an honest talk about it, with Erin revealing she was perfectly fine if Jamie hooked up with dudes to satisfy her needs. It was a nice compromise and one of the first times I also learned polyamory wasn’t just something some weird asshole on tv did where he forced three women into what looked like an utterly miserable situation. What i’m saying is polgamy isn’t the same as polyamory and sister wives is objectively terrible and i’ve only seen minutes of it. 

In fact the current daily reprint is up to this storyline and has Erin wing womaning for her girlfriend. And yes I do acknowledge this won’t be a solution for EVERY couple, everyone is diffrent.. it was really nice to show a relationship between two people of diffrent and wildly underrepresented sexual orentations that , rather get into a depressing thunderstorm over something like this, talk it out like adults and work out a resonalbe solution. Hence why I took several paragraphs of something else entirely to get into it. If you want more , check the strip out here. 

https://www.girlswithslingshots.com

Okay now that plot cul de sac is out of the way, though I don’t regret a minute of it, you see the problem: Girls was the exception not the role and media wise, has a small but loyal fanbase. Big shows just didn’t really get that asexuality existed. But then one decided:let’s go let’s do this... so now i’ve talked about something else entirley for a good few paragraphs let’s talk about Bojack horseman Bojack Horseman is, like SU last time, one of the best shows of the last decade animated or otherwise. And like Steven, and adventure time before steven, it changed the game on what a genre of animation could do. See while Animation was going thorugh another renicssance in the 2010′s, it was mostly on the kids side for the first half.. Adult Animation was...

While there were good shows,after all Archer is a child of the 2010′s, bob’s burgers premired shortly after, and venture bros was, and still is, goin.. they were the exception. Family Guy was devloving from a really funny show to a horrible, unfunny mess that was and probably still is the television equilvent of screaming racist and offensive things just to piss people off and thus get attention and Adult Swim hit a slump, with several great shows like metalocalypse slowly leaving, and most that was left were garbage like Mr.Pickles. It .. wasn’t a great time. 

But around half way two shows changed things and most adult animation stood up and took notice; Rick and Morty, which while i’m not as much of a fan these days was and still to some small degree is a really funny show while also having a deeply complex and deeply deconstructed lead. And around the same time. we got Bojack.  As you probably know, Bojack was the tale of Bojack Horseman, a former 90′s sitcom star who starred in Horsin Around, basicaly fully house if uncle joey adopted orphans with bits of other tgif shows mixed in. Also he’s a horse and this world has a mixture of humans and various anthropormphic animals. And they dont’ shy away from that either and use that for a LOT of great jokes. Anyways Bojack is now a washed up asshole whose done tons, and as the show goes on continues to do, terribe things to get where he was, and is now trying to hang on to the scraps of his career. Around him are Princess Caroline, a pink cat and his agent and ex-girlfriend who wants a real realtionshpi , a baby and her career to go somewhere, Mr. Peanutbutter, Bojack’s dim aquantince who was on a ripoff show (which only PB seems not to get and is even called “Untitled horsing around ripoff project” at first in a flashback) and is really nice but also really bad at reading people, Diane, PB’s wife for most of the series who soon becomes bojack’s friend when she’s hired to do his autobigoraphy, and today’s subject, Todd, a 20 something cloudcuckoolander who crashed on Bojack’s couch after a party, and just.. never left since Bojack thought todd was kicked out for being gay and brought him in for brownie points (he was just lazy), and then despite insulting Todd constanlty kept him around because he was crushingly lonely and before Diane, had no other friends.  There’s obviously more to it. more evolutions but as the episode title shows, today’s ep is all about Todd, so we’ll be focusing on what he’s been up to: Todd spent most of the first two seasons just kinda.. bouncing around. Whlie the a-plots could be more serious, most todd plots were wacky palette cleansears, from him ending up in jail and trying to court two gangs at once like it was that one episode of family ties every sitcom sense has copied, made a giant copy of his own head over months, or started a safe cab company for women that somehow ended up as stripper cabs. Season 3 however added more weight: Bojack’s various slights against Todd were piling up, and he was starting to get tired of it, the straw that broke the camel’s back coming when Todd’s ex emily, who todd failed to sleep with because he didn’t want to but, not knowing what an asexual even was, couldn’t comincate with it and bojack having a really bad track record of thinking with his dick.. you can kinda see what happened.

Finding out much later, after Bojack used emily telling him not to as an easy way out of telling him and both were kinda stupid with that, and Todd eventually found out something happened.. but when Bojack tells him it was sex, Todd is genuinely suprised and had, for the last time expected better of him. Really Todd is a great deconsturction of the wacky sidekick in shows like this: the often abused optimist oppisite of the pesmist asshole protaganist. But here it shows.. that can only go on  so long. You can only treat a person like dogshit so many times before they grow tired of you and as Todd prepares to move out and bum around somewhere else we get one of the most iconic, and best, scenes in the series as Todd unloads on bojack after the horse tries apologizing.. couched in excuses. 

“It’s you bojack, it’s alwasy eben you” This scene hit like a truck, not just due to Aaron Paul absolutley killing it, but because as someone with a bad habit, even sometimes falling back into it, of justifying why I did something bad afterwords or blaming other people for far too long, if not NEARLY to the extent bojack did, it resonated. Sure those kinds of things may have LEAD you to the things you do but sometimes, your just doing shitty things and no amount of reason for it makes it okay. And it was a bold step to take: while the two talked on occasion and their friendship KINDA regrew, it never REALLY recovered from this. Things didn’t go back in the bottle. Bojack lost one of his best friends as his friend.. they were in the same orbit but it’d never be the same.  Todd did eventually tell Emiliy what he was dealing with and Emily told him what he was, and Todd started crashing on mr.peanutbutter’s couch because, unsuprisingly, the two eventually became close friends. So with Emily out of the picture, while she liked todd she needded sex and neither of them thought of an open relationship, that’s where we find Todd, grapling with his asexuality while getting into his usual wacky misadventures, which hadn’t and would never stop, as evidenced by the horrifying sex robot he created to try and please emily in a later season. So with all of that FINALLY out of the way. we can finally dig into horay todd episode after the read more. Because while i’m going to try doing that less to get more readers.. this episode is giant just at the introduction and is a half an hour long. 

We open with an orchestra, nervous Todd won’t show up for his solo.. because of course Todd’s a regular part of an orchestra now. He shows up in time to do his bit on the triangle, cheers all around

Att the bar, the various musicians wonder just who Todd is. Was in a prison gang? (Yes two in fact as stated above) A foreign prince?? ( He looked just like one and they swapizesd for an episode), a tech billionare? (For all of five minutes) Or is he both?... there isn’t a both here I don’t know why I did that. However the conductor roars in, he’s a lion, .. and it’s keith david everybody!

As you can probably wager Keith David is a faviorite of mine, one of the best voice actors around, a fantastic live actor, and just all around awesome dude.. and still pretty damn hot at 64. And while this is a minor role, ANY time keith david shows up is cause for celebration and I honestly forgot he was in this, so it was a nice suprise. 

We then find out how the two know each other, with the conductor calling Todd “The most giving man he’s ever known.” Accurate. Todd once saved his pregnant daughter from a shipwreck carrying her on his back, delivered said baby on a piece of driftwood then circumcised said baby while hanging from a rescue copter.. and also had a spirited but respectful debate before hand about how circumcion had fallen out of vouge, with them eventually deciding on it since the lions are jewish and she’d like the option for the baby to join the relgion if he so chooses when they grow up. Which is both a great gag and a nice nod to circumcisons not being popular these days, and makes todd even awesome. I mean not every man would not only be repsectful when talking to a mother about this, but do so while hanging from a helicopter. Also props to the old timey paperback illustrations, which doubly sell the sudden debate bit. It’s something I love the show: while it’s one of the most depressing in existance, it’s also god a wonderfully goofy sense of humor that helps ballance things out.  The conductor then explains todd later filled in last year when their triangle player died after getting his foot stuck in his triangle, another good one, but worries about todd and just how MUCH the man gives and wishes sometimes to see him not there when his part comes up, to see Todd give for himself. Then of course Todd spoils the move by coming out drenched in water with greasy hands, having tried to wash taco stains off his shirt, but then got greasy hands from said taco he ewa sstill holding and being trapped in a bathroom for an hour. That’s Todd in a nutshell: He can be legendary, selfless and utterly helpful or insightful one minute, and somehow get trapped in a hallway for an entire episode the next. That.. actually happened in case you either didn’t know or entirely forgot. Cue Credits.. a FIRST for this show suprisingly. Given most shows i’ve done are 11 minutes the credits usually happen before the show and I just forget to talk about them. I”ll breifly say the credits for Bojack are exellent and I love how they evolved and changed as each season wore on, and give the team kudos for doing what most shows just simply won’t or can’t do in western animation.

We’re at the peanutbutter residence, where PB is in the middle of his political campagin, working with his controlling and assholish ex wife katrina, and Todd gives him some pocket cheese to help but get’s shoed off and works on breakfast in the background with a giant egg for some reason. Probably because all animals are sentient here. And yes they explained how they still got meat. Anyways, Diane is annoyed that Katrina wants PB to decide if he’s for or against fracking based on public approval, insstead of you know just.. being against it because it’s wrong. She’s STILL better about it than that one episode of last man of earth I watched where the straw man liberal asshole argued with the consertaive asshole lead over a pothole they had and refused to just let his son belivie god exists because it calmed him down and in the next one forcibly dressed said son up as coal to mock his future mother in law because he’s as bad as the lead character, because this show is miserable and Ryan is what the writers apparently think a liberal is.  Anyways as this goes on we see Todd.. pulling his weight. He packs diane a lunch, leaves it by her purse as she gets ready to go to work, makes said giant egg into an omlette for pb and sets up a nice breakfast complete wtih his medication hidden inside because dog. We see that despite crashing there Todd has grown from where he was and is now making sure to actively contribute to the house as thanks for letting him stay. Anyways PB needs his glasses to take them off to seem sincer because he left htem at princess carolyn’s, she also represents Peanut Butter, Todd and Diane. Todd heads off, though dosen’t sign for a package as he once ended up with cremated remains, or cremains as he calls them and I now will, over it because of course he did and heads off while a mysterious horse in a trench coat watches... more on her in a bit.

At Carolyn’s agency , PC annoynces “it’s todd” with todd giving back an excited it’s me... he should enter the room like that every time. It really fits. Anyways, it turns out PC needed him for help with actress Courtney Pourtnory, whose in femalecentric Taken spinoff ms.taken, which i’m shocked wasn’t an actual movie. There’s also a lot of tounge twisting puns which as always Amy Sedaris flawlessly delivers and that i’ll miss now the show is gone. Anyways Courtney isn’t seen as relatable so PC goes with the oldest trick in the book: have some normal guy date the celebrity to see them as relatbale and well todd’s on retainer. Todd is reluctant, less so due to his  asexuality and more because he’s not only already busy with the sunglass errand, but has a meeting tonight. intresting. But PC ensures todd it’s no trouble and they can just do lunch for the paparazzi and todd does like the idea of having his picture taken. “It’s proof I exist.” It’s the same reason I hate having mine taken. It’s proof I still exist and this hell year hasn’t ended yet. 

Back at the campagin unsuprisingly what todd didn’t sign for was important and Katrina just tells him to sign for Pb next time, which is like giving a dog a play bone that also has a dart full of poison that shoots out of it into the rest of the living room. There’s no way this ends well and you should know that. So Katrina asks him to dance a little sidestep on the issue instead. 

This movie is eh but this musical number is awesome and I will use it at any opportunity. Rest in peace Charles Durning. It helps it’s still relevant as hell for both sides of the isle. Anyways Todd signs a letter to the state goverment because again, telling todd to do something without even remotely thinking about it is like giving a baby a boomerang loaded with nitro glcyerne, but soon gets cloroformed by our mysterious viewer. “And down goes todd. “.. said by todd himself because of course he did> God bless this man and aaron paul’s performance.  “And up comes todd!” .. whose, not suprisingly, apparently been drugged and/or knocked out enough to have a catchphrase for these situations. After grabbing a pool skimmer for defense because you know a stranger just kidnapped him, the stranger calms him down and introduces himself: And this is where we properly meet Hollyhock..  Manheim-Mannheim-Guerrero-Robinson-Zilberschlag-Hsung-Fonzerelli-McQuack which I copied directly from the wiki because this review is already running long and running behind, and I don’t want to spend an hour trying to copy that from the episode itself. The nightmare of a name, which is a running gag is because she was adopted.. by 8 gay men in a polyamours relationship. And one of them is apparently related to launchpad. 

Anyways Hollyhock, who called at the end of last season to no answer, thinks Bojack might be her dad and thus bought a spy kit to figure out. And used the cholorform, if apologizing for it because once you’ve got it you can’t not use it. Todd is unsuprised by both things; As bojack hilariously but horrifyingly put it his penis was like sun dried tomatoes in the 90′s: it was on everything, and Bojack himself had that kit, mostly using it on himself because of course he did. She tracked down Todd because Todd was in Bojack’s book as his roomate. Todd explains they no longer live together and Bojack has been missing, long story there though we do know where he was due to the last episode, but since Hollyhock really dosen’t need to meet him just wants his dna to find out if he’s related or not, so Todd suggest sher house. Time for more cloroform!

At Bojack’s place Todd wonders where to find a hair, since most ladies Bojack is with understandably shower afterwords only for Holly to find one.. and a sleeping unconcious clearly spiraling once again Bojack. Todd lament siwth an oh bojack: just because he’s mostly done with the guy dosen’t mean he still dosen’t care. Todd’s still a good guy and still dosen’t want to see his former friend go through this for the 80th time... he’s just done being the one to be there for him through it and that’s understandably.  Hollyhock yanks a hair which does nothing to wake him, unsuprisingly, but the mention of “blowing this place” makes Bojack wakes up as he thinks people has blow. it’s also telling that he’s worried Todd’s going to yell at him again and that he’s clearly stills marting from his understandable telling off. Todd is force dto make up an excuse since Hollyhock VERY understandably dosen’t want to tell him the truth, and Todd lightly rebuff’s bojack’s attempts to be pals again.. given he hasn’t really changed, it’s understandable. Also Hollyhock cloroforms him to get out of BOjack asking more questions and sends todd to take the dna to a place. Todd heads to  a 1 hour dna testing lab, because of course there’s one this is LA. But without Hollyhock’s dna they can’t do it but the guy says to come back with it in an hour after he’s done with lunch.. which gets Todd to realize OH SHIT I HAVES A DATE and he runs off. The fact he DIDN’T actually say that is a suprise. 

At the date Courtney transparently breaks up with Todd for publicity as Todd is utterly confused, before getting reminded about hollyhock. This scene just kind of happened so have the first gif I find typing “David Byrne” into gif search. 

Back at Bojack’s house all Hollyhock’s done is snoop around, finding Bojack’s box of bad reviews of other people’s sitcoms because of COURSE he has that, eat a full box of donuts and take a nap.. given the simliiarity todd isn’t sure they need that test. Hollyhock naturally refuses and just wants to use todd’s hair but since the dna guy said that don’t work, they find some in her comb. Todd however has to cover for the earlier Maid excuse he gave bojack, nice bit of foreshadowing there, and cleans up the house while Hollyhock sits around. I know she’s not his daughter, still related but still and even I’m having a hard time beliving the truth.  No sooner than does Todd put out that fire, than things get worse; Naturally the signutre was for pro fracking and while Katrina is pissed, not fairly as again, it’s like she handed a baby a shot gun for tots that make sa funny noise when you pull the trigger and is suprised that he shot up the couch. Anyways PB is understandabily more worried his wife will be upset he has to support fracking now, and Todd untietionally offers to distract her from the media while Hollyhock takes a nap because she feels.. really diffrent early on. While parts of her horseman traits would remain here she’s far less friendly or helpful than she would be later on in this half of the episode. it’s not BAD as sometimes it takes an episode or two for a character to properly become what their like for the rest of the series, it’s just WEIRD. Like Red Green’s monotone in early Red Green Show episodes it just feels.. off. 

Todd rushes off to Girl Croosh, the click baity blog diane works for because I forget when things happened sometimes, where Todd is doing the most todd distraction possible: Telling diane to look at him while he dances. Which to Diane’s shock has been going on for 45 minutes. 

Diane’s boss Stefani comes in voiced by the wonderful Kimiko Glenn who I admited to loving as a voice actress, and having a crush on back in my first close enough review and still stand by. She’s wonderful. Stefani berates diane for not being clickbaity enough, other plot for this season etc etc next todd crisis.  Princess Carolyn is annoyed they didn’t get a picture of courtney with todd.. even though she left first but this eems to be the “blame todd for things that are either not his fault or you should’ve expected by talking to him for five minutes” episode. Anyways PC says to be at the shark jacob’s fashion show in 30 minutes, and Diane bemoans trying to get people to pay attention to the world sucking. Todd shows some more competence and actually gives her a good metaphor: When mr.peanutbutter dosen’t want to take his pill, as I expected, Todd disgusied it.. though in the cheese. Just do that: put some hot goss around the rest of it. Todd, to keep her away from the computer with a literal headline that reads “Mr.Peanutbutter supports fracking and hasn’t told his wife yet”, because this show is amazing, makes up a story about Channing Tatum having an illgitamte daughter and gives her the testing hairs. The theme of this scene, and the episode really is that people underestimate todd: understandably the man got lost in a bathroom at the top of this episode and refused to sign a package because of past shenangians... but because of that they fail to see that todd is .. actually really compitent, insightful and caring. IN this one scene he actually suceeds in his mission in the dumbest, toddest way possible, then on the fly kills two errands with one stone while also giving Diane genuinely good advice. But the big question the episode poses is.. what does TODD want at the end of the day and just how much of this “doing everyones shit for htem” should he take?   

As Todd passes a sheep with a wonderful “The end of the wool is coming’ sign, he sneaks into the fashion show.. we also see a background model bird smoking that I SWEAR is a protytpe for tuca, just with a diffrent bodytype and a more aloof, supermodely face. Though if this is the same universe it could just be a sister of hers. It’s not out of the realm of posiblity. And yes I will defintely be talking Tuca and Bertie at some point, especially once it comes back next year. Being todd he ends up walking the runway instead, and it goes poorly, but Todd telling them that fashion shouldn’t be elitest somehow works and he become a hit. Also Tim Gunn is there as himself, beacause this show liked to mix animal versions of celebrites iwth the real ones, and sometimes had the real ones voice the animal versions of themsselves. Todd also gets a call from Diane: it’s a match. ALso I forgot Todd’s wonderful ringtone which is him , to the opening of that one betooven song going “todd todd todd TODD!” Magical Back at the horseman residence, Bojack’s sent hollyhock to go thank channing tatum for collecting his mail and goes through all the mail that piled up while he was MIA. He’s also wallowing about his miss opprtotunites, some involving pottery barn. He’s suprised by PB’s governor run, with Todd countering that of course he knew he’s been around and when Bojack asks how Diane feels Todd shoots that down right away and insists he just ask her himself, and again counters; Does she even know he’s back? Bojack insists he’s no tready, and he’s only told Todd he’s back.. and his various drug guys, channing tatum, and hollyhock. But not his inner circle. And given he and PB tend to not mesh well, though it is getting better at this point, he ruined things with Todd, he dropped PC for entirely warranted reasons.. Diane really IS the only person he has to call and he’s likely afraid of disapointing her. He then tells Todd to friend break up with channing tatum, with todd thinking his speech was about him and being understandably disapointed. I also like Todd’s attiude here: he’s done just.. taking Bojack’s shit and isn’t going to stick around for it and only really agrees to go to channing tatums because Hollyhock’s over there and he needs to tell her. 

Todd goes over and lies to hollyhock after warning her BOjack might not be readyf or a daughter and Hollyhock expresses her own doubts. Then diane shows up and Todd’s force dto play being channing tatum so they both don’t get arrested for trespassing. Diane confronts channig with her thoughts he’s the father, which hollyhock instnatly realizes exactly what that means, but relents on doing so, not wanting to be that kind of journalest and ruin someone’s life for her own benefit. Todd gives her a pep talk and she accepts it’s him because it’s what she thinks channig tatum would say and leaves with a cheery “love half your movies. Hollyhock meanwhile has fled, obviously upset and before Todd can deal with THAT, he gets another call, clearly tired at this point as am I as i’m not only not used to reviewing 22 minute shows anymore, let alone 30 minute ones, but I have a ticking clock due to my own procastination. She once again gets mad at him, this time a bit more understandably, and Todd darts off to meet courtney. 

The two talk, and Courntey is dressed like todd only her hat is 50 dollars.. and that’s a hella don’t... I miss Macklemoore. Anyway, Courtney opens up about being seen by everyone but not being seen at the same time.. which todd relates to even if courtney can’t fathom someone having the same feelings, but admits it’s nice to talk about it while Todd laments about his meeting, worrying h’es not ready yet. That what if it goes badly? What if the idea of something is better than the truth. I realate both due to my anxiety proving that and because as a comics nerd and general nerd, that’s happened more times than I can count, both with legendary stories that turned out to not be very good or something I really looked forward to turning out to be a mess, like It Chapter 2, or Zoolander 2, or Secret Empire or.. point is Courtney does relate to that and prefers fiction and the paparazzi, the same ones who tailed bojack for multiple episodes in season 1, eat it up with Courtney announcing their engagment iwth todd responding with “Horay i’m confused!”... that’s me all day everyday buddy. 

Todd goes back to Bojack’s to find Hollyhock, and being a good friend even to someone who certainly dosen’t deserve it at this point, tells Bojack the truth.. which he reflexvley denies before Todd admits she didn’t want to tell him and Bojack. understands and once again piles pity on himself. 

We then get the scene that got me to review this in the first place.. thanks asshole! All jokes aside, the two have an honest conversation: Bojack, while not outright saying sorry admits all he does is hurt people and he slept with the one person he ever saw todd be in love with... given it’s hard for him to give out a genuine apology, it’s still a good moment as it shows Bojack, even if he screws up constantly, is really apologetic about destroying their freindship. That part also shows WHY it was wrong: Sure todd couldn’t and wouldn’t sleep with her.. but it dosen’t change the fact Bojack SHOULDN’T have , knew what he was doing, did it anyway and then never told him. 

He continues with it though after todd wonders if he’s evne allowed to love. , saying he got more of Todd than he deserved, and all the guy asked for was a roof over his head and the ocasional smore in a baquet, and tells todd he didn’t deserve him and he really appricated him. This.. actually gets Todd to open up and he comes out as Asexual to bojack which after making it clear it means he’s not a sexual deviant, dynamo or what have you, a great wordplay gag, that he’s just not sexual.. Bojack.. shockingly and to Todd’s suprise dosen’t think it’s weird like he expected, but is thrilled and honeslty wishes sometimes he was asexual and we get what I consider to be the best joke of the seris.  Bojack; Maybe then I wouldn’t have A strain of herpes Todd; You have multiple strains Bojack: I know, it only works with the A.  Todd feels.. good.. while i’m not Ace myself I am bisexual and both times i’ve come out, first to my mom and a few friends, then to the rest of the world this month on facebook, it felt.. freeing. To not have to worry or hide no more.. to just be who you are.. and it feels.. good to Todd. While Bojack tries to slide back into friendship since todd isn’t mad about Emily anymore, Todd gently stops him: It wasn’t just here, as I made clear earlier, he’s not ready to be his friend again.. but hes ready to be more than NOT friends. While their freindship won’t be the same anymore, as Todd makes painfully clear.. Todd gives him a genuine i’t’s good to see you as he leaves. Again he may not LIKE the guy anymore and understandably dosen’t want to be the only person he can count on in bojack’s life... he still wants the guy to be okay, which the fans could probably relate to the whole damn series; Being fed up with his bullshit and TERRIBLE TERRIBLE actions, but wanting him to be better already. The door rings.. and it’s HOllyhock. We MIGHT get to that another time, but for now we close out Pride, and todd’s tale as todd goes to his meeting... which as it turns out...

While there is still more miles on Todd’s journey, ending his sham engagement set up here, a failed relationship and a sucessful relationship at the end of the series, not to mention reconcliation with his family... Todd takes an important step and takes what he wants, finding his people and being proud of who he is.. and that’s sometimes the best and hardest step. And we get a nice button on the framing device as Todd misses his solo for the first time, to the conductors delight. The End. 

Final Thoughts: This was a really good rewatch.  While not AS heavy as some other bojack episodes, it still has plenty of good character work, moving along or setting up several plots for the season without any of it feeling forced whlie giving Todd added depth in his coming out story. Todd still dosen’t fully understand what his asexuaity is and is scared to be open with it.. but that beautiful scene above is what makes the episode work as is the ending right after: By finally telling someone he knows, and by being accepted by the last person he’d expect to not only understand what Todd is but embrace it.. he can finally find others like him to help him through it and finally find something for himself after giving so much to everyone else while asking nothing in return.  That’s also a nice bit of deconsturction here... while Todd’s happy to help we do ssee bouncing from storyline to storyline actually wears on him and that sometimes it’s tiring being the guy everyone assumes has nothing but time for htem. It’s a nice development and Aaron Paul does it beauitfully and I do stand by HIS casting, as unlike with Allison brie where they knew diane would be an vitamese woman and cast a white woman anyway, though to Ralph-Paul’s credit, he’s throughly apologized for this and Allison Brie herself recently also apologized for it personally in the wake of the recent black lives matter lead call to not have white actors voice People of Color anymore. Also props to Jenny SLate for, if a bit late , still leaving big mouth for the last two seasons and apologizing herself among with any other actor or actress whose dropped a role as a POC when their white. It’s a good trend. But here.. I get why they didn’t try and get rid of Aaron Paul. It was probably hard enough to get executives to give a shit about Ace representaation enough to let htem do it, adding “firing a big name draw to replace him wiht a likely no name” was probably a bridge too far and sadly, sometimes you have to pick your battles, and they picked getting to have an ace character at all and to Aaron Paul’s credit he’s been an Ace ally ever since. HOpefully in the future we will get more ace chracters and more ace actors and actresses playing the part, but every journey begins with a sigle step and this storyline was a huge one.  But overall the episode is truly fantastic, a highight in a series full of amazing episodes and it was a good note to go out on for this month. I won’t stop doing LBGTQA reviews obviously, and I should’ve added the a way sooner, but it’s been fun doing them and i’ve been proud too. Some have been better than others but the better one shave been some of my best work. So as we live in uncertain and stupid times, stay safe , black live matter and your all beautiful. I have other stuff in the works; a full steven unvierse arc, regular coverage and of course that “sorry I was a moron” static cling review, but until then, I love you all and i’d like, if I may, to close on a song... not by me obviously my singing voice is “sorta adaquate I guess’ at best. 

[ichika27]

Winter 2020: Episode 3

I said before on my first Winter 2020 post that I’d give the anime I chose to watch 3 episodes to see whether or not I’d continue watching.

Here are my thoughts on them.

First off, Magia Record.

It’s not like the main Madoka series but I can’t exactly put my finger on why. It just feels different but not in a bad way of course. It’s still interesting due to the mystery but I’ve not connected with any characters yet. By that I mean, other than Iroha, I don’t feel like caring much about the other girls yet. That’d probably change in later episodes the more I know about them but I don’t know how well they can showcase everyone when, according to the OP, there are gonna be a lot of characters for this show unlike the main one with 5 important characters (plus Kyubey).

Still, it’s good although I wish Iroha gets stronger cause right now she hasn’t really done much in terms of fighting. All the better character development in the future though so I’d look forward to it.

Sorcerous Stabber Orphen (2020)

Different from it’s previous adaptation not only in art style but also in how they handled the first few episodes. The art style still kinda uh, confuses me on how to feel? Some characters look good in this (Childman looks way younger here than he did in the first anime. It was the reason I didn’t recognize him at first.) while some looked better in the first series (Orphen looks like a pretty boy in this style but I think he looks more handsome in the old style).

Since the way they handled the story is different, for someone like me who watched this like, more than 10 years ago and remembers little of it except some parts in the beginning and end, this made me feel excited and interested. For one, back in the first anime, the thing about Azalie being the dragon was a spoiler but here it’s showed in the beginning. Her dragon form is called ‘Bloody August’ in the first anime but here, I don’t think I remember her being referred to as that. Anyways, start of adventure soon, I hope? There’s a lot of magic school flashbacks here and while interesting, I’d like to see the main characters get more screentime (Orphen, Claiohm, and Majic).

Bofuri continues to be a fun and exciting series about cute girls playing a VRMMO! Despite being an OP character, watching Maple and Sally fight is still fun and also, the mods are starting to nerf her lol.

Still no overall plot at the moment and I dunno what that would be later on but for now, I’m just enjoying the ride. I’m curious about the blond guy though - the knight who got 1st in the event whose face isn’t shown. What will be his significance, I wonder?

The Case Files of Jeweler Richard is an okay show, I guess? Not the ‘case files’ I was hoping for. They have little detective work done and the show is more like ‘Character of the day needs a jewelry-related thing and has some personal problems and is helped by the 2 main guys whose shop becomes some kind of counseling room’. It’s not bad as I said but its kinda boring at times. While Richard and Seigi are the MCs, the ones with the spotlight is whoever the character of the day is. It’s episodic right now and there maybe a bigger plot later but I’m not sure if I’d still continue following this series. It’s nice if you like jewelry though as they do give info on that so kudos to them as the ‘jeweler’ part is not just something they threw in - the characters actually know stuff about it.

So verdict is: semi-dropped for now. Might come back later if I felt like it but it’s not a priority anymore. I wanted a detective series, dude. Oh and Seigi might be straight and has a thing for that girl he met before but if you guys wanna ship the two MCs, there are some shippy stuff here for you as well :)

Hatena Illusion explains to us why Kana’s family steals: her mom’s family makes magic items and they decided to sell them even thought they’re dangerous. Her mom, Maeve, thinks this is bad and runs off with the guy she likes and also goes everywhere to steal the ‘artifacts’ (magic items) so they would pose no danger. She does replace it with a non-powered replica so the people she steals from won’t miss them. Reminds me somewhat of DNAngel.

That said, Kana is annoying as heck. Typical tsundere who is violent and keeps hurting Makoto even when something is her fault. Makoto is some kind of dormat as well which is annoying. Ema, the maid makes things worse with her stupid comments which doesn’t help and Kokomi, while annoying in the first episodes seems like the only one with common sense and I ended up liking her in episode 3.

I want to drop this show cause Kana pisses me off but hey, Makoto just became a magical (thief) boy and now I need to give it 2 more episodes! It’s rare for there to be a protag magical boy. Most of the time, they’re either supporting or background character but Makoto is a co-protagonist (I know Binan Koukou exist but that’s more of a parody anime).

I’ll be back on whether or not I’ll drop this completely after seeing episode 5.

Jibaku Shounen Hanako-kun is one of the few shows here which has a different ‘style’ in presentation which isn’t bad and actually makes it stand out. The story is also fun with the seven mysteries (and if you watch the OP, everytime a mystery is revealed, they stop being shown as silhouettes in the next episode’s opening) with their respective rumors and backstories. We also have some new characters and some clues about Hanako’s past.

I like this show. It’s cute and has some adventures and a tiny bit of romance (I already ship Hanako with Yashiro) and comedy. The current story with the stairs seem like it’d be fun as a video game haha. I’d definitely be watching this one til the end.

Side note: this and MagiReco feels similar due to the ‘rumors’ and such. I mean, they started dealing with some rumored ‘stairs’ this time. It’s like MagiReco’s seven mysteries is spread in towns instead of just in one school. Just saying the coincidence is interesting.

A Destructive God Sits Next to Me is probably the biggest disappointment to me for this list as I looked forward to this since last year. I needed a replacement for Chuubyou Gekihatsu Boy and this seems perfect but character-wise, it is not.

While it is funny (the first episode had me laughing so hard), there are a lot of scenes that just annoys or frustrates me. The 2nd episode in particular was unbearable and the only thing that kept me going is the thought that I promised to watch 3 episodes. By the end of the episode, all of the frustration I felt just broke when Koyuki had the misunderstanding with the girl and I ended up crying. Yeah, I cried. It sounds stupid and it is which makes it worse. I only ever cry in comedy anime when there’s either a heartwarming or dramatic scene. Here it’s frustration.

I can tolerate Hanadori since Koyuki can and does punch him when he goes too far. It’s Tsukimiya I can’t take. His actions and personality gives me nothing but pure annoyance and hate (except the notebook scene in episode 1 which is really funny). He’s a mean-spirited character and he just makes me uncomfortable. Their homeroom teacher too, is annoying, by the way.

We have a new character this time, though who looks up to Hanado-- er, I mean ‘Miguel’-senpai. He’s annoying but only a little as its his first appearance. I’d give this 1 or 2 more episodes as I want to see who and what kind of person the long-haired guy in the OP is but I don’t think I can take this entire series.

Too bad as the art style is super cute and part of me low-key ships Koyuki with Hanadori (their interactions are cute sometimes esp. when Hanadori drags Koyuki in his fantasy). It also got a banger OP I can’t stop listening to. If I’m able to ignore or at least get used to Tsukimiya, I might watch more. Might. I’m not positive I can take it.

--

These are all my personal thoughts and opinions of these shows. They’re not an indication of whether or not you, the reader of this post, will enjoy it. Give them all a shot and maybe you’d end up liking them more or less than I do as we all have different taste and sense of humor. Hope you guys are enjoying this season’s anime offers. I’d write more about these later on probably when they end or when I decide to completely drop them.

[nyangibun]

Day 3 - At Last, My Lonely Days Are Over

Valentine’s Week - Love Songs

@jonxsansafanfiction

Song - At Last by Etta James

Ao3 Link

...

The truth is Jon Snow has been in love with Sansa Stark since he was eight-years-old.

Although, at that age, he didn’t exactly know that what he was feeling was love, but he knew that how he felt about Sansa was different to how he felt about Robb or Theon. With those two, they were his friends and he liked hanging out with them, and like any eight-year-old, they sometimes fought over stupid things like who ate the last chocolate bar and whether or not cops and robbers was a better game than tag. But with Sansa, all he wanted to do was make her smile. Anything she asked of him, he’d happily follow along, and it wasn’t just that Jon wanted to make little Sansa happy but he simply enjoyed being with her. She made him laugh. She was always so caring, in a way that Robb and Theon just weren’t.

Of course when they got older and Arya came along, they stopped playing as much but Jon never stopped wanting to make her happy. If he heard she wanted a particular type of snack, it’d appear in her room the next day. If boys were picking on her at school, Jon would take them aside and threaten them until they stopped. And when Harry cheated on her, he picked her up from the party, drove her around Winterfell all night until he finally got her to smile again.

But even as he did all these things, Jon never realised how he felt about Sansa. In his mind, she was a little sister he cared about but different from Arya because he knew the latter could take care of herself. With Sansa, he always told himself he paid extra attention because she was a fragile girl with a heart too big for her chest.

It was after the summer Sansa spent in Paris with her Aunt Lysa that everything changed. Those three months had been the longest they’d gone without seeing one another and when she came back, it was as if he was seeing her for the first time. Sansa Stark at fourteen was more beautiful than any girl he had ever met or known, and in those few seconds after she came home, Jon realised he was undeniably, helplessly, and ridiculously attracted to her.

But being seventeen and perpetually awkward around girls, Jon did what any kid his age would do: he pretended nothing had changed. If they had a party in the back garden and Sansa came out in a little sundress, Jon would volunteer to man the barbecue all afternoon just to avoid looking at her for too long. And if she asked him over to talk about boys like she used to before, Jon would just grit his teeth and imagine sicking one of the Stark dogs on them.

But it didn’t work – not that it mattered anyways.

Jon turned eighteen and moved to Edinburgh with Robb and Theon for university. He had had every intention of coming back, seeing her during holidays and allowing himself those brief moments of self-indulgence where he could just look and speak to her, but his mum died and going home didn’t feel so great anymore. He came for the funeral but he hardly remembered it. Everything blurred together in a dark haze and all he remembered was packing his things, selling the rest and moving everything to Edinburgh with the purpose of never returning.

He didn’t mean for it to happen. He wasn’t even sure how it did happen but after awhile, he lost contact with most of the Starks.

After his mum died, Jon dropped out of uni and started working in construction. He still saw Robb and Theon on the weekends but Robb eventually moved to Spain for his year abroad and stayed out there when he met a girl. Theon as well moved down to London to work for the family business after graduating. And everyone else just grew up without Jon realising the years had passed them by.

When he was twenty-five, he did think about reaching out again. He even reactivated his Facebook to look them up but that’s when he saw it: her engagement announcement. She was only twenty-two and she was already engaged. He couldn’t believe it; he especially couldn’t believe the blond-haired twat she was engaged to. The idea of really losing her felt like a distance too insurmountable for him and Jon decided to deactivate his Facebook and resign himself to the fact that that part of his life was really over.

So at twenty-nine, Jon is not bitter about the lost years but he’s not exactly thriving as he thought he’d be. He has a decent job managing the construction firm he joined ten years ago and a group of friends he has drinks with at the pub after work. He even has girlfriends from time to time but he doesn’t ever manage to fill the void where the Starks used to be. He doesn’t want to reach out either because the truth is he’s ashamed. Not just for letting them go so easily without a fight after all they did for him but for where he ended up. He’s not ashamed of who he is now, who he had to become after his mum died, but he does regret not going back to uni and making more of himself. He may not have had a dream but he does think he could have been something more.

That’s probably why when he does see one after all these years, he promptly decides to down the entire club’s collection of whiskey single-handedly.

Or maybe it’s just her that elicits this kind of response.

“Slow down,” Edd says, slapping at his hand as he’s reaching for the bottle once more. “I’m not carrying ya out of here. We already got our hands full with Mr Dancing Queen over there.” He gestures to the dancefloor where their big giant ginger friend is shaking his hips with a bunch of women from a hen do.

Jon snorts. “I’m fine,” he says with a wince. He managed to grab the bottle back and the whiskey is burning its way down the back of his throat. It stopped tasting like anything but regret several glasses ago.

“Clearly,” Edd rolls his eyes and snatches the bottle back to hand over to Sam on the other side of the table.

“What’s gotten into you?” Sam asks, those big eyes wide with concern, and because he’s so twisted up inside right now, Jon only feels resentment towards his friend.

“Nothing.”

But it’s not nothing. It’s very much something and she’s moving across the dancefloor, long red hair swishing behind her, as if she’s taunting him. He hasn’t seen her since she was sixteen but she must be twenty-six now. Fuck, she looks good. She looks so much better than good and it kills him.

Had he always had this strong of a reaction to her?

Jon doesn’t remember. He can’t even recall a single memory from the last time he saw her. The funeral had been so god-awful that all he wanted to do that day was disappear. And those weeks after. And the months after that.

She’s standing by the bar with her friend now and from this position, he can see her more clearly. She looks taller, more slender and toned than skinny, and she has a form-fitting emerald green dress on that is doing far more to him than he has any right to feel.

“Who’s the redhead?” Edd asks.

Jon curses under his breath and tears his gaze away. “Nothing. No one. I’m fine. Can we drop it?”

Edd glances at Sam and the two of them shrug but thankfully stay silent. His friends are observant and they can read him better than he gives them credit for but they also know when to push it and when not to. For that, he is grateful.

After a few minutes of tense silence, Tormund comes tumbling back towards their table and falls onto Edd, who kicks him hard. There’s a brief fight before the two settle down in their seats. Physically, Tormund resembles a terrifying red grizzly bear, but personality-wise, he’s more like a very horny golden retriever with little tact.

“If we want, they said we can join them!” Tormund exclaims happily.

Edd shakes his head. “You know their idea of a strip club doesn’t have women, right?”

The smile on his face slowly disappears, replaced by a pensive frown. “Then who does all the stripping?”

Sam hesitates. “Umm… men?”

“Dudes!?” Tormund shouts. “But why - oh, yeah that would make more sense.” He then shrugs. “I still wanna go. I mean I’ve never been to a dude strip club before. Maybe it could be educational.”

“Educational?”

“You know, for future moves,” Tormund smirks, wiggling his hips even though he’s seated. The rest of them groan and kick him again from all angles. He yelps but then laughs uproariously.

“I am not going to a male strip club just so you can learn some new moves,” Edd says flatly. “That requires a lot more alcohol than we’ve got.”

“Say no more!”

Tormund jumps out of his seat before either of them can tell him no and goes running across the club to the bar. Simultaneously, all three of them groan. It wouldn’t be the weirdest Saturday night they’ve ever had, not since Tormund joined the construction firm five years ago, but it’s definitely a lot more than Jon wants to deal with right now.

Although now that his attention is back on the bar, he doesn’t see her anywhere. At first, panic rises to his throat, but he reminds himself that he had no intention of speaking to her anyways so what’s the point? Sansa is his past, and even if circumstances were different, she’d never been his to have. He has no more claim to her than anyone else and just because, even after all this time, she still makes his heart race and his palms clam up, it doesn’t mean he should go talk to her. No, it definitely does not.

“Are we really going to go to a male strip club?” asks Sam with a resigned sigh.

“No,” Jon says.

“Probably,” Edd counters at the same time.

They look at each other and Jon cracks a smile for the first time tonight.

“Well, look at that, Broody Git Snow knows how to fucking smile for once,” Edd snorts. Jon lobs an ice cube at his friend’s head and the two chuckle. The anxiety is still knotted deeply in his stomach but some of it eases knowing his friends are all weird idiots that are there for him.

“Guess what!” Tormund shouts before he’s even reached the table (because he is that bloody loud). “I found my long lost sister! See, she’s ginger too!”

“What?” Sam immediately says.

Jon turns to look and his body goes cold.

“Jon?”

Her voice is still the same, yet it’s somehow older, more mature, and it twists him up inside. “Sansa,” he breathes out. Every nerve in his body is on fire and he’s dying to run away but he’s blocked in by Edd and Sam on one side and Tormund is now standing right in front of his only route of escape.

A brilliant smile appears on her face and Jon stands as she leans forward across the table. Her arms go around his neck and the feel of her sends his heart skittering at a worrying pace. He holds her anyways, hands wrapping around her slim waist, the tickle of her long hair against his cheek. She smells like Sansa: bright and fruity and all her.

God, is it possible to still be into her after all this time?

“How long has it been?” she asks, pulling back. Jon is reluctant to let go but he does. She smiles at him. “Robb’s never going to believe this.”

Robb…

 The Starks…

He remembers now why he didn’t want to talk to her. The shame of his own cowardice and weakness.

Jon’s smile is faint as he says, “yeah, it’s been a long time.”

Thankfully, before she can ask him any more questions, his drunk, beautiful friend says without tact, “as fun as this reunion is, do you girls wanna go to a strip club? A male strip club?”

The conversation immediately changes and everyone is joyously discussing whether they should go and why or why not it’s a good idea. Jon stays quietly out of the conversation; he’s trying pathetically not to look at her but even as kids, he was always acutely aware of her. Her movements, her laughter, just the way she speaks draws him in like no one ever has, and dimly he’s aware, like no one ever will.

After ten whole absurd minutes of discussion, they decide to go and Jon finds himself walking down Edinburgh at one in the morning with Tormund, Edd, Sam, Sansa and Sansa’s friend, Jeyne, who, he finds, is as exuberant and mischievous as Tormund is.

He trails behind, unable to join in the good-natured joking as he might’ve done another night. He’s watching his feet as he walks, trying to remember the last thing he ever said to Sansa, when she sidles up next to him.

“You’d think after ten years, you would’ve figured it out.”

Jon looks up, startled. “What?”

“I couldn’t understand it,” she continues on; either she didn’t hear him or she chose to ignore it. “At first, we all respected that you needed the space but you never came back. I don’t mean to Winterfell; I mean to us. We thought - well, we thought we were your family too. Robb especially. But not just him, you know?”

He doesn't have an answer for her. Nothing that makes sense anyways, so he stays silent and lets her get it all out.

“Can I be honest?” she asks, though it’s not a question that requires a response. “I was so angry with you for leaving us like that. I know we weren’t as close as you are with Robb or Arya, but I was still mad.” She chuckles softly, the sound bereft of humour. “I was mad at you for hurting them. We cared so much about you and it takes ten years for one of us to finally see you? And not even on purpose?”

Jon is trying to think of an appropriate response when she grabs his wrist and stops them. “Say something!”

“I wish I had something better to say to you,” he says, still not looking at her. “But people grow up, Sansa. They grow apart. I’m sorry it happened but that’s it.”

Unfortunately, he can sense her anger without having to even look at her. “What the fuck, Jon? Is that all you have to say?! You’re sorry? That’s it?”

Something snaps inside of him. Not anger but frustration. “What do you want me to say?” he responds. His eyes finally snap to hers, unable to hold it in any longer, and his breath catches in his throat at the way she’s glaring at him. “My mum died and I didn’t handle it well. I had to get out and I did. I’m sorry that it meant we lost touch.”

“You’re such an asshole,” she murmurs. She lets go of his hand and begins to walk off.

This is what he wanted, right? For everything to just go back to how it was, for Sansa to go home and forget about him like she’s done the past ten years. But why does the idea of that fill him with such dread? Why does every single cell in his body feel like it’s dying the further she moves away from him?

Jon pulls at the ends of his hair in frustration before running after her.

“I was a coward,” he shouts. Several drunken stragglers turn to look at him but he ignores them for the redhead currently standing stock-still a few feet away from him. “I was scared of – shit, I don’t know, everything, I guess.”

He walks forward, moving a little closer, but still giving her space.

“After my mum died, I couldn’t deal with anything. I dropped out of uni and I just fell apart but even as everything was going to shit around me, I didn’t want to involve any of you. Dumb as it might sound, I was trying to spare you guys all the hassle of putting up with me.”

Sansa does turn around at this but only to give him a repulsed look.

He laughs. “Yeah, I know. I was nineteen. Emotional maturity was not really my strong suit… not that I got any better.” He sighs and steps a little closer. “I didn’t want to go back to Winterfell. It was too painful but I never intentionally tried to cut you guys out. I still saw Robb and Theon and I just figured I’d have time to reconnect with the rest of you when you got older. But Robb and Theon both moved away and none of you came to Edinburgh so by then I just didn’t know how to keep in touch with anyone anymore.”

“You could’ve just rang us. Or even texted.”

“I tried.”

The anger around her eyes have softened and it feels like it’s time to come clean, even if it means he has to go back to never seeing her again, because the truth is – the stupid, absurd, inexplicable truth is he’s still in love with her.

“When?” she asks.

“When I was twenty-five,” he says slowly. “I logged onto Facebook for the first since uni and I clicked on your name and that’s when –” He stops, hesitates for a brief moment as self-doubt wars inside of him, but the curious look in her eyes urges him onwards. “You were engaged. You were engaged to some guy I had never even met, with a life I was never apart of, and I don’t know what killed me more. Knowing that I had already lost you to someone else or knowing that I had been the one to create this distance between us.”

Her eyes widen and her mouth parts but he doesn’t give her a chance to speak.

“I was a coward, Sansa. Instead of being happy for you, I ran away and by the time I realised how much of an ass I was being, it felt like it had already been too long and I was ashamed. I let go of the only family I ever really had because I was too scared to let any of you see how fucked up I really was. And – don’t get me wrong, I’m not unhappy now, but I never went back to uni. I never made something of myself and I didn’t know how to face up to that.”

“You know what’s the most fucked up part?” she asks but she doesn’t wait for his answer. “The part where you thought any of us would even care. Jon, did you know Arya left just before her third year of uni and ran off to Asia to go traveling with some guy she worked part-time at a garage with? Or that Robb knocked up that girl he met in Spain? Or that Bran nearly died because he was dumb enough to go climbing without a proper harness?”

She steps right into his personal space and says, “or that I got engaged to a complete and total wanker who decided to cheat on me with one of my bridesmaids?” She pokes him harshly in the chest. “We’re all fucked up. You don’t have a monopoly on making bad decisions, Jon Snow! But we’re family and we support each other even when we mess up!”

“I - I didn’t know.”

“Of course you didn’t know! You didn’t even bother to reach out!” she shouts at him, her chest heaving up and down. “You didn’t even bother to ask if I felt the same way! You just assumed and assumed and left without so much as a word!” Tears began slipping rapidly down her wind-bitten cheeks. “You weren’t the only one who got their heart broken, you know?”

His heart feels like lead in his chest. He wants to reach out for her but he knows that’s the last thing she’d want. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, Sansa. For everything. I know it’s too late now to ask for your forgiveness but I really am truly sorry.”

“There you go again, assuming!” Sansa grabs him by the collar of his shirt and pulls him towards her. Their lips crash together, painful and bruising, but the shock of it is quickly replaced by needy desperation. He pulls at her waist, fingers pressing into her skin, until they’re flushed against one another. It’s not the kind of first kiss he had always envisioned with Sansa; there’s no sweetness here, no whispered confessions of love or gentle shy touches. This is angry and aggressive; it’s a kiss born out of a decade of frustration and missed opportunities and terrible, pathetic mistakes.

When she pulls back, her lips are swollen and red. “I’m not forgiving you.”

“I know.”

“You hurt me, Jon. You really hurt us.”

“I know and I don’t deserve a second chance but if I had it, I would spend the rest of our lives making it up to you, to everyone.”

“They’d probably forgive you right away, you know? They don’t hold grudges. They just miss you.”

“But you hold grudges?”

There’s a faint smile on her lips and he can’t help kissing her again, just a small peck, brief and chaste.

“Oh yeah,” she says. “You might really have to spend the rest of your life making it up to me.”

He smiles now too. “I’d be more than happy to.”

“Good because for some stupid reason, I’m still in love with you and if you –” Sansa glares at him, tears springing to her eyes again. “If you leave again, I will never forgive you.”

“Sansa,” he murmurs softly, wiping at her tears with the pad of his thumb. “I’ve been in love with you since I was eight and spent the better part of ten years without you. I don’t want to ever do that again.” He presses his forehead against hers. “I promise. Never again.”

“Okay.”

He leans back to look at her, his heart beating wildly, feeling like this moment right here is too good to be true. “Okay?”

“Yeah, okay.”

Jon nods. “Okay.”

[thisselflovecamebacktome]

Was SoKai forced? A look into the issues surrounding the pair

I want to preface this with while I have done some writing and scripting classes, I am in no way the next James Cameron or whatever. I’m just a girl giving her opinion.

To determine whether SoKai was forced or not, I think two aspects need to be looked into. One, was there implications that the pairing would occur throughout the series or was it a last minute ‘match the remainders’ type ditch? And secondly, was the development there to expect this outcome?

I think we can all agree that the answer to the first question is a clear yes, there were signs from the first part of the first game that the game developers intended SoKai to be cannon and impliedly end game. I’m not here to argue that because whether I ship it or not, I don’t think it is arguable. The second question is where the topic gets more tricky. 

In my honest opinion, SoKai has the potential to be a great love story, but the writing makes it fall short. To me personally, even though I ship both, the reason SoKai feels less natural than SoRiku is because a lot of things that feel like they are vital for growth and really establishing the relationship as more than a crush happen off screen and/or are quickly glossed over. A large part of this has to do with the developers giving Kairi the short end of the stick and keeping her in the whole ‘damsel in distress’ stereotype in general to be honest. 

With SoRiku, we get emotional moments of “I looked everywhere for you” and Riku literally stepping in front of a bunch of heartless that just ‘killed’ their friends to protect Sora while telling him that Riku doesn’t believe that Sora believes that Sora is useless. We also get small fun little moments like Sora saying he needs to call Riku to tell him about something that reminded Sora of him. Hell, we even had Riku call Sora’s name and Sora randomly show up when there was no reason to believe Sora would show up in KH3. Like that’s some gay shit right there. 

When it comes to SoKai, in my opinion, because Kairi as a character is paid dirt, we also miss out on moments as deep as SoRiku have had. Sure, we had Sora begging for Kairi’s life in KH2 and the letters Kairi writes to Sora/for herself, but a lot of these moments lack the communication that the SoRiku moments have. Like when Riku jumped in front of those heartless, we get Sora’s shocked (and in my opinion somewhat guilty) reaction as he realises Riku is still there and willing to give up everything because he believes in Sora. Likewise, we see the guilt in Riku when he realises the pain he caused Sora. In comparison, when we do get SoKai moments together, a lot of it is a hug/glance before moving on. And the sad thing is that I feel like we did have these deeper moments at the start of the game. Little things like Kairi telling Sora she has concerns over how Riku was behaving and her half joking about just the two of them taking the raft and going felt like it was building up a proper, long lasting romantic relationship over just a crush.

But at some point, it personally feels like the writers just went “well, we’ve told them they want to share a paopu fruit, we don’t need to do any more to develop the relationship” and forgot that people change, relationship change and time doesn’t stand still for anyone (yes this is meant to be ironic given Kairi was sent to a place with no concept of time in KH3). From my understanding, with the exception of Birth By Sleep, the whole Kingdom Hearts franchise is meant to take place give or take during the period of SoKai being 13 - 15. While I obviously cannot talk for everyone, in that time period of my life romantically I dated the boy I liked for most my childhood and thought I was going to marry for a year, broke up with him, dated another two people shortly and had a crush on another person. And hey, maybe I’m a ho, but the point still stands that a lot happens in that time without the ptsd inducing shit these two went through and 15/16 year old me was a vastly different person than 13 year old me. And that’s fine, it doesn’t mean that Sora and Kairi can’t be childhood sweethearts. But I want to see that the way they have changed still compliments each other and that it’s not just them relying on nostalgia and conversations we’re supposed to assume happened. 

And that is the predominate issue I have with Kairi’s arc in KH3. After (from memory) not having an on screen discussion with Sora after KH2 about how things have changed/how they feel (specifically a response from him about the letter she wrote) and where they stand, she’s chucked into a situation where she doesn’t even interact with Sora (or anyone outside Axel) directly for most the game. The worst part about it is that especially in KH3, there are some moments where it literally feels like it’d make more sense for Sora to talk to Kairi than the other characters. Sora feeling frustrated at having to start again and feeling weaker than the others? Sounds a lot like how Kairi would feel being at the start of her journey. Sora’s feelings on Roxas? Probably a good match for Kairi’s feelings about Namine. Like there’s so many intimate things that could help establish them as a couple and make them closer. Instead, the first proper interaction SoKai has leads up to the point I’m sure most shippers have waited for where Kairi pulls out the paopu fruit... and Sora is surprised? Like my dude, you may die tomorrow and you’re shocked and need it explained to you that the love of your life wants to be a part of your life forever? It’s just so awkwardly written and once again in my opinion underdeveloped given the lack of on screen interaction since KH2 before that. The conversation then moves towards them both talking about protecting each other and I was like ‘Yes! Finally some communication about how they feel!’. I want to preface that part that while I would have adored for Kairi to be a kickass keyblade welding badass who slammed Xehanort down herself, I do not need that in a female character for me to love her. What bugs me is that in this game’s trailers and with how the place without magic works, it heavily implied that Kairi was going to be a ‘stronger’ character than ever in the physical sense, but her character doesn’t even feel like a step up from KH2. Don’t get me wrong, I think the “Kairi is Sora’s light” scene was done very well just like her transforming him back in the first game and is a good way to show rather than tell us that they have a strong connection, and once again, I do not need her to be physically strong to like her, but advertising that she is going to be physically stronger then having her fall into the same ‘damsel in distress’ trope was disappointing. Like I could even understand her having to die, but at least have Saix or Xehanort pull a dirty move on one of the others and her dying trying to defend them or Xehanort making her fight rather than just smashing her into pieces. Also, this has nothing to do with SoKai, but the fact that Kairi’s murderer got to go to heaven within the hour that he murdered her was wack af tbh.

And then we get to the ending. And I get at this point, ya’ll probably saying “God this grinch ass prick really just wants to rip everything apart, why can’t she just say she hates KH3 and go?” but I don’t care. This ending was literally the biggest let down to the Kingdom Hearts fandom in general, but especially SoKai shippers in my opinion. Before you go breathing down my neck about me not liking bittersweet endings, that’s not the issue. The issue is that once again, SoKai had a chance to have a big emotional moment and potentially growth along with us as viewers getting some clarity over what happened, but instead, they just brushed it over with the only explanation being a vague “You may not come back” from Mickey. And I’m sorry, I’m not taking ‘there wasn’t enough time/space on the disk’ as an excuse when we had to fight Xehanort multiple times and when the Keyblade Graveyard felt as dragged out as it did. Also, once again not SoKai related, but it still feels out of character that Riku just allowed Sora to go alone like that given how much he loves both Sora and Kairi. Likewise, him and the others letting Kairi cry alone in the ending frustrated me to no end. 

But here’s the thing; even if it doesn’t fully fix everything, the developers could have done one little thing to place importance on SoKai’s relationship. All it would have taken was an extra scene where Kairi says something like “Given we shared the papou fruit, I am the only one who can find Sora/his soul” and either 1. (and preferably tbh) sent her instead of Riku to find him or 2. If they really wanted to include Riku, have Kairi go along with him. Or hey, better yet 3. Have Riku be the one who died instead and have it end with Sora going to leave and then Kairi showing up saying she refuses to be left behind because Riku was her friend too and have Kingdom Hearts 4 (or whatever title is coming next) have them as teammates and switchable playable characters. Because power couple teaming up to find their best friend? Count me in.

Anyway, this is turning into a “Why KH3 was a disappointment story wise” post, but to answer the original question, no, I don’t think SoKai was forced. However, I also don’t think that the writers have really put the time, effort and development into the relationship that it really deserves given it is meant to be the main cannon end game ship, much as Kairi does not as the original main female. Given that SoRiku does get that attention, it often feels like SoKai (and platonically RiKai but that’s a discussion for another day) pales a lot. So while I never thought SoRiku would be cannon, I can understand the arguments that SoKai feels less genuine and heteronormative given the difference in development. And I hate saying because like I said, I could see SoKai being one of the great love stories if written well. 

Given SoKai is still set to be end game, my hope is that in future games we get this development and SoKai and Kairi as an individual gets the chance to shine the way main cannon ships and characters deserve. But I guess all we can do is wait and see.

[jahaanofmenaphos]

Art by the awesome @tommieglenn!

Of Gods and Men Summary:

When the gods returned to Gielinor, their minds were only on one thing: the Stone of Jas, a powerful elder artefact in the hands of Sliske, a devious Mahjarrat who stole it for his own ends and entertainment. He claims to want to incite another god wars, but are his ulterior motives more sinister than that? And can the World Guardian, Jahaan, escape from under Sliske’s shadow?

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QUEST 04: THE BATTLE OF LUMBRIDGE

QUEST SUMMARY:

Now that the gods can return to Gielinor, Saradomin and Zamorak waste little time and return to war once more. This time, Lumbridge is their battlefield. While the battle wages on, Jahaan tries to find out more about the mysterious Mahjarrat who has taken a particular interest in him...

CHAPTER 1: THE SHADOW

Despite its fairly large population and wide coverage of land, Lumbridge retained many of the characteristics of a quaint little village. Often regarded by most as the ‘warm heart of Gielinor’, Lumbridge’s buildings were old-fashioned, bright white paint covering the study wooden shell; black cladding was attached for decoration, and the roofs were thatched straw, woven together delicately and with expert craftsmanship. The River Lum weaved its way through the town, dividing it in two. Farmland occupied a lot of the land close to the river, with lucious crop fields and pastures for livestock to roam inside, cared for by the many farmers of the town. One never felt too far from company in the embrace of the Lumbridge community, from the sweet milkmaid Gillie Groats, to Father Aereck, a Saradominist priest inside a small church that stood for over two hundred years, longer than Lumbridge Castle, all the way to the duke himself, Duke Horacio. The duke was a rotund, bubbly gentlemen that took the pride of Lumbridge to heart, using it as a measure of the success of his reign.

Throughout its history, Lumbridge had many problems with goblin raids from western tribes. Fortunately, an unspoken ceasefire was in operation between the humans and their goblin counterparts, though the trice was uneasy, evident by the number of guardsman present on the outskirts of the town. Thanks to the diplomacy of Duke Horacio, peace had been kept thus far.

However, on this day, the tranquil little town of Lumbridge was to be shattered, beyond the realms of a meager goblin raid, and beyond the repair of Horacio’s diplomacy.

This was the day Zamorak returned to Gielinor.

A few days earlier...

After the events that had transpired in Guthix’s cave, Jahaan returned to the Legends’ Guild, hoping those with a little more experience than him might have some wise words, advice, rationalisation - he’d even settle for a limerick. Anything to make sense of what had transpired and, more importantly, where to go next.

Instead, they were a little less calm and collected than what he’d hoped. Many of them simply didn’t believe Jahaan at face value, which was understandable. It’s not every day you hear one of the most powerful gods in Gielinor’s history has been murdered. After a trip to Guthix’s final resting place and a conference with the Guardians of Guthix that had remained there to build a shrine, reality sunk in. Those that did believe Jahaan, or were then shown proof, didn’t take the news all that well.

The Guthixians among them went into mourning, and even those that didn’t worship the deceased deity felt the heavy toll of losing him, especially since one particularly troubling fact hung over them…

...now, the other gods could return to Gielinor.

When Jahaan couldn’t take any more of their worrisome deliberating, he asked if he could take to one of the visitor bunks and try to shift the weight of the day from his shoulders.

A good night’s sleep is what I really need, he kept telling himself, subtly praying that everything would sort itself out by the morning. Of course, nothing’s as easy as that. Even sleep seemed to be a trial, for every time he closed his eyes, he could see Naragun, the innocent Naragi scattered across the wastelands of their home, and Guthix taking his final breaths on that stone tablet.

“Remember your purpose, Jahaan... and please… forget me.”

Those last words echoed a haunting mantra inside his mind, ceasing to allow him a moment’s peace.

That smile…

In the darkness of his mind, he also saw that smile of Sliske’s, smug and full of malice.

Turning on his side, Jahaan let out a heavy sigh and resigned himself to the fact he wouldn’t get much sleep that night.

Turns out he didn’t get much sleep that night, nor the two nights that followed. The days, also, were very restless. The Guild was chaotic, and Jahaan had taken to spending much of his time wandering aimlessly in the forest between Seer’s Village and the Guild. This, however, was not as relaxing as it sounded.

Every single person Jahaan locked eyes with, he was suspicious of. They could be giving him a pleasant smile or a tip of their hat in greeting, and Jahaan would turn a cold shoulder. When he made it up to the pub in the Village, thinking it’d help clear his mind to knock back a few, the crowded atmosphere only made things ten times worse. Their laughing, chattering… everything set Jahaan on edge, and even the whiskey couldn’t sooth his state of mind. People would sit next to him, and he shot daggers in their direction, unprovoked and unnecessary. His shoulders remained hunched and tense, his hand clasped tightly around the whiskey glass, ready to use it as a weapon at a moment’s notice.

“We've met before, but I doubt he remembers me… I've been watching you for quite some time now… I have the feeling our paths are going to cross again very, very soon…”

The words echoed around Jahaan’s mind like a death rattle.

Orlando had been Sliske in disguise, and Jahaan’s inability to see through such a facade led to Guthix’s death.

It was hard not to feel responsible; he’d been played for a fool.

While he’d first brushed off the ominous words of Sliske at the Ritual Site, he now examined them in a much more serious light, with all the consequences that had followed in the recent days.

Who else had Sliske been?

It was the overarching question of the day. He’d obviously encountered the Mahjarrat before in one of his many disguises, shapeshifting prowess being a natural talent for his kind. Had he been a merchant trying to sell him wares? A soldier in battle? A stranger across from him at the bar?

For all the acquaintances he’d made in his years, Jahaan found himself pouring through each and everyone one of them to see if he could find a hint of Sliske within, all the while pouring more and more whiskey into his system.

In fact, he’d drank so much whiskey that he ended up falling asleep at the bar counter, only to be shaken awoke by a gentle hand on his shoulder.

“Jahaan?” the voice was gentle too, a hushed whisper. “Jahaan, it’s time to leave. Come on, let’s get you to bed.”

Stirring slightly, Jahaan’s neck creaked like an ancient door as he turned to the disruption. The sudden change from darkness to the light of the bar caused an onslaught of double vision, but through blurry eyes, he just about made out the pastel-coloured shape of Ozan leaning over him.

Smiling, Jahaan drawled, “Heyy Ozan… I thought you and Ariane were in East Ardougne. W-Where’s Coal...?”

“We got back this afternoon,” Ozan replied, perching himself on the stool next to Jahaan’s. “Ariane’s babysitting. She loves the little fella. I heard you were down this way, thought I’d join you for a round before the place closes. I think you might have drank all their booze, though.”

Jahaan rubbed his aching temples. “Did they tell you about Guthix?”

“Briefly,” Ozan confirmed, solemnly. “You’ve got a lot to explain once your hangover passes. Come on, let’s get you to sleep.”

“Yes, sleep...” Jahaan mumbled, the world swaying as he slowly rose from the stool. He thanked fate that Ozan had come to find him, since he doubted he’d be able to stagger back to the Guild on his own.

Very convenient, Jahaan thought to himself. Then, like a matchstick to oil, the thought caught fire, and spread fast. Too convenient… oh gods...

Jahaan jerked away from Ozan’s hand. How did I not realise before? Ozan never went to the cave, never saw ‘Orlando Smith’... he could have easily become him...

Looking puzzled, Ozan ventured, “Jahaan? You alright, man?”

The glare Jahaan shot back could have burned through flesh; Ozan flinched, edging backwards ever so slightly. “W-What is it? Why are you looking at me like that?”

“It’s you, isn’t it?” Jahaan’s teeth were rattling as he tried to keep composed. It was harder said than done since the effects of the whiskey had far from subsided.

Ozan looked around him, warily. “Uh, yes? It’s me?”

“You might as well drop the disguise. I know it’s you.”

Now, Ozan was utterly baffled, and slightly scared. “Uhh, Jahaan? Gonna need a little more than that. Who do you think I am right now?”

“Sliske,” Jahaan spat the name like it was poison.

Ozan’s brow furrowed; this did not abate his confusion. “The dude from the Ritual Site?”

Suddenly, in the mere blink of an eye, Jahaan shot forward and slammed Ozan into the bar wall behind him, clattering into it with a pained thud. Ozan opened his mouth to protest, but find the words fall lifelessly from his lips with the cold metal of a dagger pressed against his neck.

“You’re not fooling me again, snake,” Jahaan coldly vowed, his red eyes unblinking.

Most of the few remaining patreons swiftly made for the door, though others watched morbidly, their breath bated, eyes full of blood. The bloodlust was shared to Jahaan, who dug the edge of the runite blade slightly deeper into Ozan’s unprotected neck, drawing a thin line of blood as he did so.

Biting back bile that clogged up his throat, Ozan tried to calm his own breathing as he stammered, “Y-You’ve known me since… since we were little tykes! Y-You know I’m not S-Sliske!”

“I only know someone,” Jahaan countered through gritted teeth, “Sliske said he’d been following me for years, disguising himself as others around me, and what better way to do that than to assimilate himself as my ‘best friend’?”

Cursing internally, the fear in Ozan’s eyes grew as he knew Jahaan had a very good point. Now, it seemed that just begging and pleading his innocence wasn’t going to be enough. He had to think, and fast.

Then suddenly - miraculously, more like - it came to him.

“T-The Mahjarrat, you said they could sense each other, right?” Ozan babbled, pressing himself so far into the wall behind him he felt he’d become one with it at any moment. Yet this time, there was light in his eyes, a hope dancing inside the pupils. “Azzanadra! You and me got him out of that pyramid. If I was Sliske, he would have known!”

It was Jahaan’s eyes that betrayed him first, the blink of realisation that made him feel sick to the stomach, more so than the whiskey ever could. Oh gods...

Quickly, Jahaan peeled the dagger off Ozan and stumbled backwards. “Oh gods, you’re right…” he looked heavily up at his friend, age in his features. “Ozan, I…”

Prising himself off the wall, Ozan rubbed away the crimson dribbling down his neck. It had unfortunately already stained his clothing. “You’ve… you’ve had a lot to drink, and a long few days. Let’s… let’s just get back to the Guild.”

Ozan limped out the bar, and Jahaan skulked after him.

From across the room, a blonde man watched them go. He sipped the last remnants of his drink, and smiled.

“Now just tense the string, hold it tight - steady, steady! You’re shaking! You’re gonna kill the cows in the next field at this rate.”

Jahaan slept for most of the next day, waking up only to empty the contents of his stomach and sip delicately at a glass of water. Luckily, once Jahaan had explained himself and apologised profusely for the whole dagger incident, Ozan was inclined to forgive him. He knew his friend well, almost too well, and had learned that alcohol-fueled tempers were rarely personal. This time, with everything that had gone on with Guthix’s death and the poisonous seeds this ‘Sliske’ fellow had planted, it wasn’t much of a surprise that Jahaan hit breaking point like that.

So, to help his friend decompress after the events in the cave, Ozan offered to take Jahaan to the Ranging Guild a little up the pathway to practice his archery.

“Ego’s the only reason I came out of that fight with Zemouregal unscathed,” Jahaan had gravely explained, “Next time, he might wisen up and use magic, so I need to get better at a long-range combat style, and fast.”

Being renowned as one of the best archer’s in all of Gielinor, Jahaan thought he couldn’t be in better hands than Ozan’s when it came to this. It came so naturally to Ozan - his bow was like a third arm. Translating that to Jahaan was… difficult.

Granted, Jahaan wasn’t bad, by no means. Almost all of his arrows had hit the target, and a couple even got dead centre.

“OZAN!” the sharp, alarming cry startled Jahaan, causing his arrow to embed in the fence post to the side of the target, a good two feet from the mark.

Snapping around, the two men saw a young lad huffing and gasping for air, bright red in the face. “Urgent. Guild. Come now!” was all he managed to choke out before his throat gave up.

Exchanging worried glances, Ozan and Jahaan picked up their supplies before rushing back to the Guild.

DISCLAIMER:

As Of Gods and Men is a reimagining, retelling and reworking of the Sixth Age, a LOT of dialogue/characters/plotlines/etc. are pulled right from the game itself, and this belongs to Jagex.

Previous chapter / Next chapter

[ketzwrites]

Rewatch 113: Morning Star

Just a passing thought but how come nobody comments on how Valentine shares his family name with Lucifer? I’d expect Simon to make a quip like “dude’s last name is the same as the devil, no wonder he’s messed up.”

Anyway, last episode of season 1!

Teaser

I’m glad Clary doesn’t spiral down with Jace when he starts to have a meltdown. The choice of making Jace throw angry hissy fits whenever things get messy has been present all season long and, although it’s not my favorite trope, it’s consistent and makes sense for a character indoctrinated to push down his emotions.

I still don’t get how Alec, the Act Head of the New York Institute, is supposed to know nothing about the current High Warlock of Brooklyn. I get Magnus not knowing about Alec since Alec was just holding the position while his parents were gone, but the notion that Alec had zero info on Magnus or his reputation is ludicrous to me.

Hearing Magnus say “don’t underestimate a parent’s love” breaks my heart.

Enough with the praising of Lydia for not standing in the way when Alec backed down from the arranged marriage. I get Alec doing so because he’s a shadowhunter and therefore dumb, but Magnus? Nope. Magnus knows better than to follow this medieval logic that Lydia did anything more than being a decent person.

Act One

Because of the lack of tension in Hodge’s betrayal in the last episode, I’m not invested in this reveal. I also never saw the Lightwoods treating him like family: at most I saw Hodge clear favoritism with Alec. Once again, there’s no build-up, so there’s no pay off here.

Oooh, that’s why Hodge summoned Valentine in the middle of the training room. So the shadowhunter foursome could figure out why he betrayed them. Or, rather, so Clary could figure things out. Izzy, Jace, and Alec are all wrong at some point in this conversation. Anyway, good use of the footage to speed-up Valentine removing the Circle Rune from Hodge. I don’t get how he did it, but he did it and that’s what matters.

Why are they repeating the exposition? The audience has been told again and again what Valentine wants to do with the Cup. We know he wants to create a shadowhunter army. We know the process kills mundanes. We know this is bad. Just because Clary didn’t care about it for the most part of the season, doesn’t mean we forgot.

Valentine ascending 40-something years old will never not be funny to me. Where did these mundanes come from? Why do they want to risk their lives like this? But, anyway, it’s a good thing they develop this into him going for young and fit mundanes in the next season.

Clary giving Jace the “the world doesn’t revolve around you” lecture falls so flat. Nothing in her journey taught her that lesson: she was able to use the Cup to get her mother back and then save Izzy from exile. Simon forgave her for turning him into a vamp. Clary herself is now a praised and trained member of the shadowhunters. Not even indirect consequences happened: Alec didn’t have to marry against his will after all. Clary had her cake and ate it too. If anything, her journey confirms that she can only think of what she wants because the consequences will solve themselves around her.

This doesn’t count as Luke using the pack for the benefit of the shadowhunters because it’s in the interest of the werewolves to keep the Cup away from Valentine.

Hodge’s tone when he asks about Jace and Clary is interesting. Does that mean he cares about them?

This conversation between Clary, Izzy, Simon, and Raphael is all over the place. Why does Raphael think Camille would make things worse if Valentine has the Cup? Why does Clary say they are supposed to be allies?

The amount of overacting in this Jace vs Hodge confrontation is astonishing. Also, I want to know if the Lightwoods really pinned their crimes on Hodge or not. We had zero interactions between Hodge, Maryse, or Robert. The only time they were even in a scene together was at Alec’s wedding and there was no indication of any animosity.

Jace going for the kill is a nice touch in his descent to darkness. I’m also glad to see how Alec deals with Jace fits of anger: he speaks rationally and tells Jace to calm down. Oh, one more thing. In the score of “stopping you from doing something you’d regret” is now tied.

WAIT A SECOND. I don’t remember “Michael” calling Jace by “Jonathan”. That was Valentine all along. Why would he start to do it now? Only because now the audience knows Jace is short for Jonathan Christopher?

Act Two

“We’re not so different, you and I.” Valentine has read and written every book on being a supervillain in an action show.

The fact that there is only talk about Jace eventually killing innocent people and not Valentine tricking him into killing an innocent person is disappointing. I know villains tricking or forcing Jace to kill innocents will be a trend in 2a and 3a, but the fact that it doesn’t happen here should prove to Jace that he and Valentine are not the same.

Yeah. Where are Clary and Simon? How did Izzy end up alone with Raphael at all? There is a missing scene that would explain how Clary, Izzy, and Simon managed to create this scenario.

And, with that, Izzy made the first attack. As of now, Clary, Izzy, and Simon have officially crossed the line and attacked the vampires.  

What similar thing? Did Valentine struggle with the knowledge that his father was a sociopath who traumatized him on purpose? Didn’t know that.

OMG. THIS SHOW AND ITS NON-LOGIC. Awaking up Jocelyn doesn’t stop Hodge from giving Valentine the Cup. It doesn’t even give them any new information on Valentine’s plans because they already know his plans. There is no connection between these two things. Stop forcing one.

Act Three

I wish we’ve gotten more on the bond between Camille and Simon. She expected Simon to come and save her, but Simon wouldn’t have if Clary didn’t need to talk to Camille. And we know there is a bond because Camille wins the argument. Why don’t they, you know, make it into the plot?

I love how Camille is written. She has her own motivations, her own goals. She doesn’t feel like a character put there just to help or foil Clary, she feels like she would have her own story if Clary was there or not. Every relatively prominent character should feel like that.

How awkward it is to know that Dot was Camille’s favorite costumer now that we know their respective stories with Magnus?  

So, if Camille told Clary and Simon where debukofdewyt is, why don’t they just tie her up again and leave? One of the vampires has to know where her “Upper East Side apartment” is.

Still not buying Jace’s motivations.

The whole Izzy vs Raphael confrontation bores me to death. The amount of coincidences that had to happen for this to work: Raphael let Izzy alone after he figured out the betrayal, Izzy found exactly which wall to burst through and the exact time to do it, the fact that there are no other paths that Raphael can take to get to them or vamps in the hotel. In the words of a wise old warlock: Yawn.

Act Four

A Writ of Transmutation? It’s a cool world-building concept the show is going to forget they introduced this season. Cleaning up her name for killing and turning mundanes? Yeah, Camille won’t care about that in the next episode. She’ll be too busy making vampire dens all over town.

Again, they don’t need Camille’s help. She already told them where the books is. They are not even trying to get the apartment’s exact address through other sources. Magnus is right there. Ask him if he knows it.

Okay, now the connection between waking up Jocelyn and defeating Valentine makes sense. They should’ve gone with that.

As good as this scene debate between Magnus and Camille is – and it’s great; in the last episode we were told Camille doesn’t believe in love and now we see her stating that -, my favorite part is how Camille is willing to go the extra mile of villainous and assault Magnus right when she knew his newest boyfriend would see them. Camille doesn’t want a relationship with Magnus but she also doesn’t want him to have a relationship with anyone else.

Magnus is so confused and scared in this scene. My heart is breaking. Someone hug him. Someone tell him it’s not his fault Camille is a monster.

Note to self: Simon says “take us to the apartment, bring us the book. Then, I’ll sign.”

The overacting continues. Also, Valentine is smarter than Jace – especially when Jace is in a crisis. I wonder who could’ve predicted that? Oh yes, not Clary or Alec or Simon. They just figured it’d be fine to let Jace ran lose in the city.

Act Five

Guys! Guys! We got a scene where we see the heroes being followed! They are building up the tension!! I’m so happy right now.

Note to self: Simon signed before Camille gave them the book. And with Clary’s blessing. They are so stupid.

Okay, so Jace warns Clary that the Circle is on their way and she… ignores it? It’s not the book is going anywhere. Valentine doesn’t know why they went to Camille’s. They can leave and wait out until the Circle Members are gone.

Act Six

Not to be dark, but there is no reason for the Circle Members to keep either Simon or Izzy alive. Or Magnus, for that matter. Alec gets a pass because if he dies, Jace gets… incapacitated? Though Valentine lost his Parabatai bond and he’s fine. Maybe killing Alec is exactly what Valentine should want to do, to make Jace feel even closer to him.

… They are free and they outnumber Valentine and the Circle Members. In fact, that’s four shadowhunters, one vampire, one warlock against five shadowhunters. And that’s before all the minions leave and Valentine turns his back at them. Why wouldn’t Alec put an arrow at the back of Valentine’s head? Why wouldn’t Izzy throw a dagger? Or why can’t Magnus knock Valentine down with magic?

Alec saves Clary’s life. Just wanted to point that out.

I like this conversation between Clary and Simon, though I’m confused about what Clary’s expression mean by the end of it. She seems conflicted, but is it because she’s worried about Jace or because she just told Simon she loves him? It could be either one.

Love that the takeaway of Camille’s manipulations is Alec getting worried about hurting Magnus once he dies. Also love that Magnus gets to say that, just because logic says he’ll outlive Alec, doesn’t mean they shouldn’t date.

The whole scene of Magnus waking up Jocelyn is gorgeous and an excellent pay-off to the entire season. From episode one we follow Clary in her journey to get her mom back. She finally does. That is satisfying even if the whole journey wasn’t. In structure terms, this is the last scene of the season and it accomplishes its structural goals perfectly.

The scene with Valentine and Jace at the boat is an add-on, a cliffhanger for the next season. Well done and somewhat exciting, but an extra. Particularly, I could go without it, but it’s a good set up for what season 2a will be all about.

[macbookpro-hard-drive]

HI HOW DO YOU WRITE CHARACTERS

hewwo! i can answer this! im literally gonna do a quick list of both deh and bmc characters for u under this readmore! :D

im gonna start with deh because smaller cast!

evan: 

isn’t so much stuttery as he tends to repeat things and uh stammer a bit here and there. stutters over his words sometimes but it’s more l-like this and uh, like… like this

evan hansen has anxiety. he is not anxiety. evan hansen fucks up and makes mistakes and probably internalizes a lot of things. very polite when in public but he can be a bit snappy (as seen w evans comment abt how zoe’s parents have never been poor i believe? it was something he said to zoe)

soft spoken, most of the time. probably not the kind of guy to vocally ask for things until he’s at a comfortable enough point that he feels like he’s not bothering you (same buddy)

i see evan as someone who gets frustrated with himself easily. not as a sense of “god i wish i were normal” but more of a “i should be able to do this, why cant i do this, i want to do this but i cant” because sometimes it’s just a matter of i literally cant do this and i dont know why? and god its so frustrating sometimes

jared:

jared kleinman is a fucking asshole and he knows it. very sarcastic and uses it to cover up his own insecurities, probably the kind of dude who laughs in your face when you tell him off when internally he’s just OH FUCK OH SHIT FUCK FUCK FUCK

a lot of ppl write jared as being insecure abt his weight and tbh i don’t see that being a problem for him? i see jared as being insecure abt the fact he comes off very snarky and assholeish but he turns it around and tries to own it even though… that’s not something you want to be proud of? and he knows that

not the kind of dude who stops to assess his feelings. he powers through shit and insists he’s okay until he’s out of steam. i think it was psy who said he’s a “needs therapy boi” and tbh she’s right? 

can be very passive aggressive imo it’s something he really needs to work on.

arrogant, sarcastic, and just a big fucking dick who needs to learn how to watch his mouth.

zoe:

not an pure baby angel, by any means. we’re at a disadvantage because we only see zoe when she’s sort of grieving (because grief can and will come in different ways, and while i see her as not missing connor, i do think that her pushing away her feelings is a form of her grieving imo? it’s a weird thing to explain but there’s a part of zoe that does miss (the old) connor’s presence as w the fake emails evan “gave her her brother back” (albeit a very fake version of connor) and sort of standoffish when it comes to the subject of connor

a bit of an ambivert. extremely outgoing when she’s around her friends or when it comes to music and other things she loves.

very individualistic! her style tends to have doodles on her clothes, she dyes her hair a lot, she probably would be the kind of person to make her own jewelry!

very sweet. the castng call for zoe describes her as being the kind of person who learns the names of the kids who sit alone at lunch and thats she goes out of her way to be nice to people since. connor. yeah.

thats all ive got for zoe but u can always send questions in and i can say yes or no after i ask my pals too

alana:

smart gal! valedictorian! president! i love her! tends to overshare a bit. anxiety + depression gal.

probably into gardening tbh? i can see alana having succulents in her room and maybe a dog that just chills with her.

dont be afraid to make alana mouthy. alana is someone whos extremely headstrong in her actions imo and does what she believes is right, even if others dont believe that. like… think about the fact that she literally published what was believed to be connor’s suicide note because she thought it’d get them the last bit of help they needed for the orchard. it literally fucked the murphys over - but she never considered that?

very much an extrovert. just really wants to belong, man. very optimistic on the surface but i can see her being a little less so underneath. she looks on the bright side because if she doesnt, she doesnt know who will and idk i dont think alana’s the kind of person who just... lets that risk be there.

connor:

we dont kno much abt connor in canon but uhhh…. i can see connor as being a loner, sort of aggressive by accident (tbh this dude’s probably used to people being a dick to him so he’s just sorta standoffish in response) but like… whenever i write connor i usually write him as getting better? he’s gotten the help he needs and he’s doin better 

artsy depressed dude. poetry, painting, ect - whatever u want tbh. i just see connor, with help, finding himself in art or something creative (theatre and music included! u do u!)

very much a reader. this dude both has a lot of books on his bookshelf and a lot more books he hasnt fucking read because hes terrible at reading new books. (i personally hc he loves all of poe’s work)

to sorta sum connor up: bold, but not outgoing. caring, but not obvious with it (once he gets help btw). easily angered but sometimes he just doesn’t fucking know why and that frustrates him further. troubled.

honestly if u want to see one of my fave connors - check out @ask-sincerely-memes​! i rly love how they portray all three of the boys, but connor is by far my favorite! (mod con and/or mod ev if u read this i love u)

OK ONTO THE BMC FUCKERS if you want to kno abt the adults for either show then feel free to ask

jeremy:

anxiety boy, but not evan hansen level of anxiety. more just… self deprecating, not super confident in himself, probably underestimates himself a lot.

jeremys hard to explain sometimes because a lot of his actions and dialogue comes naturally since i can actually relate to jeremy a lot, personality-wise? a really good fact to throw out there is i don’t think jeremy’s the kind of guy who just goes for stuff sometimes. he has to sorta be hyped up by others imo. michael motivated him to sign up for the play, rich and michael both played parts in getting him squipped (michael in the aspect of “lets check this out and see if its legit” bc i doubt jeremy would have genuinely done that on his own).

which really means jeremy isnt the kind of guy to just… confess things, unless it’s built up enough (i.e. jeremys confrontation w reader in unlonely since it was a conversation he’d been thinking about for a bit). in canon, he didnt really… confess to christine without the help of alcohol (at the halloween party) or without other people building him up (voices in my head). 

im literally rereading jeremy fics rn because im trying to come up with a good way of describing him

extremely horny teenage boy. hormones suck. for anyone who writes nsfw: i dont see jeremy being incredibly kinky and sexual and dominant (god forbid) his first fucking time having sex. especially if its both him and the readers first time. sex can be clumsy. you can laugh during sex. but also sex smells. like… once you’ve smelled it, you fucking know it - its just a weird combo of sweat and bodily fluids. 

that last part was just a PSA for ppl.

lightweight boy. a lot bolder when drunk. thank you.

honestly if u have any questions abt jeremy, i can try to answer them more specifically but this is as general as i can get.

michael

not an uwu anxious depressed innocent baby boy uwu. remember that michael literally withheld the mtn dew red from jeremy because he wanted an apology. remember that michael wouldnt have been squipped because michael had been completely comfortable with who he is. michael likes his place. he doesn’t want to be cool and popular - he likes who he is. michael in the bathroom was a peak moment of michael finally letting go of emotions he’d been withholding - jeremy calling him a “loser” was the final straw that broke him. thank u this has been a psa.

a goofy boy. probably snorts when he laughs and im not projecting there what are you talking about-

okay, canonically: likes video games, likes retro shit (probably the kind of nerd who LIVES for arcades and record stores and vintage clothing stores even if he doesnt mix that into his personal style), very into music. there’s a lot you can do with this! 

imo he’s very caring? like. okay, yes he did withhold mtn dew red from jeremy - but michael still went through the trouble of finding and obtaining that in order to deactivate the squip. i think michael’s a fairly understanding dude, even if he has moments of anger.

just a very warm person. probably the kind of person who stops and makes sure people are okay when he notices they’re upset.

sometimes impulsive. sometimes very restless, imo. bouncy boy. 

like w jeremy - you can absolutely send me questions abt michael (or anyone tbh!) and i’ll answer them the best i can! im by no means an expert but ive got pals i can bother in order to help get a solid answer :3

christine

chriiistiiiiiiiiine, the love of my life. a gal w ADD! please don’t forget that! i personally hc that she got into a theatre as a way of like… sort of getting energy out since she’s fairly restless??? track girl christine….. also good

loves herself a lot tbh! like. in the show, its canon that she has stuff to figure out but i personally think christine loves herself and her body and is proud of who she is?

very friendly, very open, very passionate abt theatre! these are basic facts lmao

very sweet! very smart! she’s like... The Girl in all the movies that everyones like “oh no i love her” bc shes just a bubbly gal

writing christine is really hard to describe sometimes. like with all the characters, i write what feels right and sounds right to me and to others.

but like... to be honest, as long as you stay a bit happy and supportive and loving with christine - you’re on the right track.

jake

god - one of my favorite boys to write sometimes because there’s a lot to do with jake’s character

he’s the ultimate cool dude in high school. probably the kind of dude who would join a frat in college. handsome, popular, flirtatious - you fucking name it man.

sorta effortlessly popular and cool. there’s problems underneath - considering his family - but it’s hard to see that he has flaws when everything just comes so easily to him.

a very caring and sweet dude tbh. his friends mean a lot to him and he’s the kind of boy who carries your books and asks where you’re going and how you’re doing

he makes mistakes. he gets aggressive and protective and just angry physically - he did try to attack jeremy, albeit drunk, based purely on the idea that jeremy was having sex w chloe - so like... that’s a good thing to acknowledge

i said hes flirtatious and he is - without realizing it. someone probably has called him out on it and he’s like “sorry what?” bc he was caught up in talking to someone and not realizing that the dillinger charm never went off. because it never goes off. rip.

rich

GOD, my FAVORITE BOY, the LOVE OF MY LIFE, i love him.

squipped: aggressive. a bully. stinky. 0/10.

post-squipcident: getting better. sorta numb at first before happy, outgoing rich resurfaces because He’s Fine! Do Not Worry! but y’know like... he definitely has a lot of problems with what he did and who he was while he had the squip

a bit sensitive imo. easily upset on certain topics, easily angered on others. really misses his mom (i hc she died and his dad took up drinking as a coping mechanism and its mainly rich and his older brother relying on each other but thats just me tbh.)

rich is tricky to write when it comes to his home life. while i see rich’s dad as being a loud drunk, others see him as being physically abusive and so forth and - okay, that’s your decision, but please make sure you’re being respectful and you post trigger warnings because some people are in abusive homes and it’s not a fun thing to read. 

great sense of humor imo. flirtatious but in the more obvious “haha hey lets bone ;)” way. alternatively: flirtatious with squip, floundering a bit without it because all he knows is “haha hey wanna fuck” 

would probably fight a dick for his pals. rly just loves his friends even if he doesn’t show it.

chloe

chloe is a bit hard to write without saying “shes kind of a bitch” but like... she is and she knows it and she fucking owns it.

casting call: “ confident, crass, sexy, manipulative, and downright mean at times”

so like. she’s nowhere near bein a sweet angel baby uwu

has problems. explore them. she literally was down to fuck brooke’s boyfriend since jeremy was dating brooke yknow. part of it could be alcohol but like... dont ignore that fact. like. she probs needs to talk to both brooke and jeremy.

i think of chloe as someone who can see the potential in others tbh. gets slightly annoyed when people arent achieving what they could - but i like to imagine she gets it after a while since some ppl dont have confidence and such. 

yknow the kind of people that take charge when the situation calls for it? that’s chloe. she’s very much a leader. cunning, ambitious - she’s fucking ready.

brooke

more of an angel i guess? sweet, a bit insecure, and a little more caring. not very dominant in situations - tends to be more of a follower (as shown w her and chloe’s friendship)

very caring actually. she literally followed jeremy out and said “uhhh he was kind of a dick to women but i know u like eminem” upon his death in the show??? like??? she literally went to check on this boy.

imo she sorta needs to learn to be bolder. to not take shit. shes probably the kind of person who says yes to a lot of things even if they’re conflicting bc she doesn’t want to like... bother someone and make things worse

emotional, imo. fairly feminine.

its hard to keep describing sdfkjhds sorry

jenna

not popular. remember that she wanted people to be interested in her, which is why she gossips a lot

probably tends to overhear half of the gossip. other than that, i can see her easily finding shit out bc she has eyes Everywhere

bold, fairly extroverted, probably really fucking smart tbh. give her love. she deserves it.

thats both at me and everyone else. jenna rolan ily...

very much a big sister figure, post-squipcident. theres this kdrama i was watching where the main protag lives w a couple other girls and one of the oldest one of the bunch is very much a big sister figure that will call other people out on their bullshit because she knows protag isnt the kind of person to do that? thats jenna. and chloe, but mostly jenna.

probably the kind of person who wants to be helpful imo. she likes feeling useful.

[nazrigar]

AT LAST! After a looooooong month, I FINALLY managed to complete “Deities of Dark Souls Part 2″. Sequel to my first image, and done in the same style, but modified slightly.

Part 1

WARNING! Long post below.

Now, onto the gods themselves. These gods are the less famous deities, and have less images to represent them (except for Zandroe and Zinder, they have rings dedicated to them), so thinking of suitable designs for them was tough, but I tried my best, by instead using bits and pieces of lore that they could have a hand in. From top to bottom, left to right, are:

Flame God Flann: Gwynevere’s husband, and the titular flame god. With how important the First Flame is to the lore, and the importance of fire as a whole during the Age of Gods, I always wondered why he didn’t take up a bigger role besides being just background flavor for Gwynevere’s lore.

For his design, pretty simple really, I literally just mixed Laurentius’ gettup with that of the Desert Sorceresses of Dark Souls II! xD He’s an arrogant, vainglorious dude who has a hawt bawd and knows it... But also a master pyromancer, and perhaps was one of the first gods to actively spread pyromancy beyond the realm of Anor Londo

Funilly enough, he also has some bits of Izalith in him, design wise.

Old McLoyf, God of Drink and Medicine:  This guy was fun! It was difficult to discern how he liked based on the coin, but I could tell he had a beard and hair. Aside from that? Nothing, and this is where the FUN happened.

So for my design, I thought he’d be neat if he’s the patron of both Catarina of DS and DSIII AND the Gyrm of DSII. Like our favorite NPCs from Catarina and Gavlan, he’s a jovial and boisterous god full of mirth, and an avid drinker.

Similar to the function of Siegbrau, he heals himself by... Drinking! And he heals others by offering drink as well, though he too dabbles in traditional medicine as well.

The Nameless Smith God: The basis of this guy is pretty easy, as the Prowling demons were born from the Titanite slabs that scattered once the guy died.

For his design, he is literally made of Titanite, with a gigantic slab lodged into his chest, perhaps actually growing out of his body, and like his spawn, he has two massive “wings” growing out of his back.

For his general outfit, his helmet was inspired by the Gyrm, specifically Gavlan. I imagined that, since he IS the smith god of DS, other cultures that focus on smithing, like the Gyrm do, venerated him in some way even after he kicked the bucket.

Kremmel, God of Struggle: Essentially Kirk before Kirk, his design was inspired by how The Ring of Thorns looked suspiciously like something Kirk would wear. In fact, you get it by killing Pate, and you get better versions of it by constantly invading others in-game. Much like how Kirk invades you in the first game. (Or you can just buy a +1 version from grave warden Agdayne)

For Kremmel, life sucks, with his body being so beaten up, his armor worn and torn and even melted into his skin in some areas during the war against the dragons. He is also however, ridiculously tough and strong.

Galib, God of Disease: The First Fenito (hence his bluish skin), instead of watching the Undead Crypt however, he instead offered himself to spread the Gravelord’s “gifts” by any means necessary. He wears a modified version of the Leydia witches garb, with more tapestry and a “fur” coat that evokes Nito himself.

I thought it’d be a great idea to connect him with Nito, since the Gravelord himself was responsible for the “Miasma of Death and Disease” upon the dragons, it would make sense some being would take the “disease” part and spread more death once Nito took a nap in his neat little tomb.

Since the Leydia Witches were said to be manipulating disease (and cures), I also imagine that, unlike the Gravelord, he is able to cure diseases and ailments. In the end however, he is still loyal to the cause of “The First One to Give us Death”

The Covetous Serpents: One of the most interesting lore tidbits from both rings in Dark Souls III was this:

A silver ring depicting a snake that could have been, but never was, a dragon. Fallen foes yield more souls.

Snakes are known as creatures of great avarice, devouring prey even larger than themselves by swallowing them whole.

If one's shackles are cause for discontent, perhaps it is time for some old-fashioned greed.

When combining with the lore of DSII where they were venerated as gods, it now makes sense why Zandroe and Zinder are gods of greed and desire respectively. They’re self aware that they can never be dragons, but despised the fact they couldn’t. They would always want to be real deal dragons, and all things associated with it. 

And now for the snakes themselves.

Zandroe, God of Greed: Based off the Covetous Silver Serpent Ring, he’s fashioned after a Cobra. Whatever he wants, he only needs to bite once, and takes the possessions of the fallen once they’re dead.

Zinder, God of Desire: Based of the Covetous Gold Serpent Ring, he’s fashioned after a Python; Whatever he wants, he takes it by brute, crushing force.

[ssaalexblake]

obligatory post viewing the last jedi comment/laterblog/thought dump SPOILERS,

SPOILERS do not read FUCKING MAJOR LAST JEDI SPOILERS look away

honestly it’s a good job billie lourd looks more like debbie reynolds than carrie b/c it’d confuse people otherwise 

also.... why is Hux so funny??? he is such a loser, he’s supposed to be this big scary bad guy but he’s like... the whump bait for the bad guys. I laughed almost every time he was on screen b/c he was so pathetic it reached levels of genuine funny. I don’t often see the comic relief guy be the fuck awful one. 

BUT POE THO WITH THAT I’M HOLDING FOR HUX SASS i love him so much 

and bb8′s methods of fixing shit are worryingly like mine AKA pray for the best, hope it doesn’t catch fire

i love general leia organa 

ALSO CANONICAL MOVIE USAGE OF THE FORCE FUCKBOYS, ON SCREEN DEMONSTRATION OF PHYSICAL FORCE ABILITIES FROM GENERAL LEIA ORGANA, NO MORE DENYING IT B/C HER SENSING LUKE ISN’T ENOUGH FOR YOU

get fucked fuck boys 

laura dern has a really long neck and i never noticed before

finn’s leaking suit was so lol worthy is2g

also highkey poe is super in love with finn still jjust so u know

at the end of the movie poe and rey drink han’s leftover liquor b/c they missed hitting that

R O S E

Rose not hesitating to stun Finn’s ass 

Rose who lost her sister in a run suggested by Poe and didn’t hold it against him

Rose who got to cry and CARE and stand for something, Rose who carried on without stopping because her sister died for this and she will carry on, she /will/.

Rose who wouldn’t let Finn die, because there are unavoidable sacrifices, and he wouldn’t be one of them

i fucking love Rose

LUKE FUCKING SKYWALKER MAKING TUMBLR CRACK POSTS COME TRUE 2017 like seriously HE FUCKING PITCHED THE LIGHSABER OVER HIS SHOULDER LIKE THAT CRACK COMIC

i fucking died

and my lordy the PORGS my sweet penuin like noodles

i love them so much

also luke has clearly inheritied some never before seen Extra(tm) ualities from Anakin b/c /// dude/// u could have done ANYTHING to catch that fish but y’all have to pitch yourself off a fucking cliff on a pointy stick and spear it

dude

not even gonna talk about the milking thing that was just as uncomfortable as they intended it to be

rey mocking his daily routine tho

REACH OUT *raises arm* *eyes roll so hard they fall off the cliff and fall into sea*

luke tickling her hand with the thing i died

Rey accidentally destroying the whole island and being judged by the lizard fish people

rey asking him to put clothes on through unexpected force visions tho highkey me he was more ripped than i’d expected and it was kinda distracting

oh and i forgot kylie being totally unwilling to shoot the bridge out bc he could sense leia. Leia knowing he was there with the finger on the trigger.

oh shit tho

do u think she knew it wasn’t him who fired??? He couldn’t do it, rando soldiers did it, but did Leia know??

I liked the way they did the kylie/rey interactions, like, filming wise?? it was good??? and also they didn’t offend my sensibilities either. I kinda like that she tried to get him to do the right thing but then was like ‘well... oh well imma fight u down instead’. Girl is practical. isn’t gonna give up what’s important for his ass. 

THEY DRAGGED MONACO’S ENTIRE ASS

srsly... it’s entire goddamn ass

and people who make mint off war

tho i greatly appreciate the comment that they sell to the resistance too. It cheapens the depth of it if you imply otherwise. 

‘the most depraved people in the galaxy’ 

*supercut to super rich people casino*

Chewie ate a porg and i cried 

i cried just like the other porgs

the leia holo and the trinket and everything that made me hurt

despite anything else, Rey’s utter confidence that she can and will turn Kylie to the light again warmed me. Like yeah, you go girl, you believe you can do anything. 

ok tho but Poe and purple dern (idr her name oops so purple dern she is) irritated me in a way that the narrative was so obviously framed against her and i’m fed up with stories doing that to women, forcing us to doubt them to only prove ‘look we gotcha!!! why did u think badly of the lady???’, She was never wrong, Poe kinda did do that, but narrative bias and all. But also the mutiny was hilarious b/c they were so bad at it. And leia stunning poe and 3po and Not Leia Jr immediately putting their hands up lol

and star wars is know for loud and obnoxious, and i ADORED that they used this to their advantage and had utter, complete, total silence after purple dern made her move. 

BB8 was stunning the whole movie full stop

snoke was a dick and i’m still laughing that he like, got chopped in 2 and later u see his arm still on the side indicating he ended up more than 2 parts. just subtly in the bg bc this is not a high rated movie

Hux’s reaction to all of this was utterly priceless btw i was in stitches

HIGHKEY tho Finn’s showdown with Phasma. So good. So So good. like, the one blue eye. Quiet, yet ultimately powerful symbolism that didn’t need flash to make it’s point.

i loved that Ren called Rey Nobody. He called her nobody. Like, i know everybody was on team ‘rey should be a solo or skywalker!!’ but this was narratively more significant. Kylo wants to erase everything. He wants freedom from his legacy, from the past. From Snoke an Skywalker alike. He called her nobody as an insult, and to be nobody is all he wants. It’s everything he wants. It was telling. Rey has a freedom he does not and he knows it. 

whoever made the red salt ground decision, like, amazing, the symbolism of the resistance being shot in the heart and the imagary of the red salt spooling out of the opening like they were bleeding out dangerously was a brilliant piece of visual storytelling. 

luke and leia just

it was good enough that i’m not super bitter she didn’t smack him upside the head

in the end though, i think it was a good conclusion of Luke’s arc. It was very Kenobi, and I think Luke would have liked it that way. 

i know people criticise the new ones for using the formula from the original episodes, but like, i think nowadays that has a certain amount of resonance to it itself. 

Rey escaping with everybody on the falcon while the old, scraggly, lived in exile mentor fights off the big bad? it was symmetrical. 

OH and when kyle issues an order, and Hux repeats it with gusto and then ren just fucking LOOKED at hux once going *dude wtf* was top tier humour

i like bad guys who are genuinely fucking terrible but also so easy to mock. 

and hux’s ‘do u think u got him?’ 

i loved rey and Poe’s little meet cute like they’re gon be such cute friends and they’re gonna be finn’s wingmen lbr 

and the movie achieved the modus operandi. A spark can start a flame. Most of them all got slaughtered, and the end of the movie was hopeful??? All that’s left is enough people to pack into the falcon and run with, but it didn’t feel like despair. It felt hopeful. 

and then topping it off with a shot of the little boy looking into the horizon, talking to his friends about Luke Skywalker, and then his broom in the shadow of the sun looking like a lightsaber, resistance ring on his finger. 

i’m emotional. 

and a last thought, when i saw luke’s x-wing in the water, i thought the Moment would be him lifting it from the depths, like it was so long ago, but i was wrong, it will stay there forever now. It seems fitting that his jedi journey started with his ship sinking and it ended sunk for good. 

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Dating Tips for Women to Find a Perfect Partner

Dating has become exceptionally complex lately. it's transformed much from the old days. the principles have changed drastically. Some relationship experts would even go one step further and say that there are not any rules in dating anymore. lately, it's common for ladies to invite out men on a date whereas this was taboo within the old days.

The world has changed, and society looks at women as adequate to men. because the dating scene has become so complicated, both men and ladies got to have specific tips at the rear of their heads. Knowing a couple of tips won't only optimize your dating experience, but it'd also assist you to find an ideal life partner. All women are different. Some prefer traditional men who pay the restaurant bill and open car doors for them while others prefer a more dominant role within the relationship. regardless of how you are feeling about dates, you've got to understand a couple of things beforehand to form your date a hit.

If you're trying to find some dating tips for ladies, then you've got come to the proper place. Now let’s take a glance at a number of the foremost useful dating tips for ladies.

Make Your Date Feel Comfortable

One of the foremost important dating tips for ladies is to form their date to feel comfortable. Guys can feel nervous for several different reasons. When a man is out on a date with a woman, then he might feel nervous for various reasons, and if the nervousness is caused by you, then you ought to try trying to form you are feeling comfortable also.

Choose Good Guys over Potentially Bad Guys

More commonly or not, we see women date men who are considered bad boys. If you're a wise woman, you'll focus more on guys that are well settled and understand the entire dating experience. Long haired casual surfing ‘dudes’ may sound sort of a good option, but they don’t bring suitable partners at the end of the day.

Dress Up For It

This is one of the foremost obvious dating tips for ladies. once we head out for an employment interview or a proper event, we tend to wear elegant and formal clothes and appear sharp. an equivalent is that the case with dating. it's going to be an easy dating tip for ladies, but you've got to decorate up nice for your date. Do a touch makeup if you'll.

Wearing casual clothes to date might attract certain people towards you, but overall people want to possess an ideal date, and for that, they need their dating partner to decorate well for the event. Casual clothing is often a grave close up. Wearing beautiful and formal dresses adds tons useful to your dating experience.

Don’t Rush It

No matter how long you've got stayed longer once you are out on a date, attempt to take some time. accompany the natural flow. Don’t attempt to rush it simply because you think that you simply have found an excellent person so far. you've got to attend and test your relationship with the partners. If you've got already gone on a date with a partner, then attempt to sort things, learn from the primary date and wait a couple of days before you'll continue another date.

Know the items You Can’t Compromise On

Every person has certain rules and activities that they can’t compromise on. If you wish someone and you would like so far them, confirm you create them understand about the ‘things you can’t compromise on’. this is often a sensible dating tip for ladies. You don’t need to compromise on your basic principles. Let your date know on the primary data about the items you don’t like and therefore the belongings you would never compromise on regardless of what percentage dates you continue.

This is an important dating tip for ladies. many ladies tend to compromise to start or maintain a relationship which they ought to never do.

Never Lie

Lying is one of the worst things in the world. Whether it’s dating or the other aspect of your life, you ought to never lie around anything. Lying breaks the trust and make the whole dating experience go awry. they assert trust is sort of a paper, once it’s crumbled, you'll never catch on back in its original condition. an equivalent way, lying can crumble a relationship. It doesn’t make any sense to mislead someone who you're getting to be during a relationship for the future.

Keep It Real

Be simple but never lose the rope of respect. Tell it how it's but be respectful at an equivalent time. Men usually respect the honest and hear what the ladies need to say. Don’t make false promises and don’t give any false hope to your date. If you and your date clicked, tell him directly. If you are feeling such as you will need a couple of more days then inform this to your date also. many of us tend to mislead their dates to urge obviate them.

This leaves an awful taste and ruins the whole dating experience. You don’t need to promise with anyone else just yourself that you simply are going, to be honest to yourself and therefore the people around you.

Have Fun

Try to celebrate on your date. You don’t want the dating experience to desire you're living in prison. you would like to form your date fun for yourself and your partner. The more fun you create it, the higher. If your partner does an equivalent, then you've got an ideal match right there. it's hard to seek out someone who shares an equivalent enthusiasm for fun and light-hearted humor as yourself. If you discover such an individual attempt to ask him out for a second date.

Don’t Get Physical directly

There is no denying that sex is an integral part of a romantic relationship. When people love one another, they tend to enjoy each other’s company in bed. Your date might ask you to urge a physical very early own. attempt to provides it tons of your time. await the proper time until you're comfortable and hospitable the thought of getting a physical relationship with the opposite person.

Once you've got already gone on a few dates and he has asked you to be your girlfriend or if he has accepted your offer to become his girlfriend, then that's the time to require your relationship one step further. Once you're during a proper relationship, you guys can mention how you would like to proceed with the ‘getting physical’ part. this is often one among the foremost important dating tips for ladies.

Do Your Research

Mobile phone apps and social media have made it easier for people to seek out someone so far. However, the worst thing about finding a date online is that you simply never know who would show up at the date. once you plan to meet your partner, you found online, attempt to roll in the hay at a public place. you would possibly think you're dating one 27-year-old successful entrepreneur by the name of Michael. However, you would possibly just be dating a 43 year old homeless and broke Albert.

This shows that folks lie around almost any aspect of their personality. So it's essential to try to do your research before you revisit on target. you ought to attempt to search your date’s social media accounts. Check how he talks to people online. obtain any information you'll about your date. attempt to search for more sources as more research will assist you clear your mind.

Once you've got collected enough information, it’s time for you to form your decision if you would like so far the person or not. during this day and age of technology, you're sure to find tons of data on your date. So with all the knowledge in hand, you'll be ready to make an incredible decision.

Be faithful Yourself

Always be faithful yourself. If you wish a man for his looks, but you've got reservations regarding his income, then be faithful yourself and learn to let such people go. Love is vital, but your love relationship should start from you. you ought to old flame yourself, only then will you be ready to love others. Ask yourself if you see a future with a specific person. If you are feeling that you simply guys can click then keep it up otherwise hit the break and begin searching again.

Don’t Be Afraid to steer Away

Another incredible dating tip for ladies is to never be afraid to steer away. If you are feeling that your date may be a toxic person or if there are other serious problems with him, then you've got every right to maneuver on. Whether you're within the restaurant or reception, once you begin realizing the toxicity and negative vibes of your date, it's better to steer away than to tug it on for absolutely nothing. you've got to possess this mentality that being single is additionally excellent. Only then will you be ready to walk off from a date easily.

Be Patient

Out of all the dating tips for ladies mentioned above, this is often quite honestly the foremost important one. Being patient in life can assist you to achieve tons of things, including an excellent partner. You don’t need to rush anything albeit the connection goes good. At the top of the day, time is that the best healer. you would possibly not be ready to get an individual you're keen on today, but if you're patient, that person might come to you.

Let People Know you're Available

Other than finding a date on online dating sites, you ought to also let people know that you simply are available. you'll do this by telling your friends and relations that you simply are single and prepared to seek out love. Your friends and family will try their best to seek out you an excellent partner. Once people know you're available, you'll start to urge offers from suitors.

Keep the Geography in Mind

Online dating has made it easier for people to seek out dates everywhere on the planet. this is often why the amount of online long-distance relationship has increased. Studies have shown that these long-distance relationships don’t work and end in breakup most of the time. shop around you, and you'll realize that there are many instances where the long-distance relationship worked. So one of the foremost useful dating tips for ladies is to stay the geography in mind while trying to find a date.

Try to narrow down your location to your city. attempt to avoid other states and completely ignore other countries. attempt to keep your searches during a practical area.

Don’t Give Out an excessive amount of Information

When you are on your first date, don’t give out an excessive amount of information. Withhold any important information which may damage you afterward. Things like your checking account and other similar information should be kept hidden from him until and unless you guy become a few. Only let loose information that's strictly required or which may make the conversation flow. it's a really serious dating tip for ladies that they ought to never give out an excessive amount of information about themselves to people they don’t know.