#it would have been transphobic but at least made sense

[chatonfils]

Starting off by saying I hate “mom Danny” bc it tends to be p transphobic and misgendering, so if anyone adds it to my post I’m blocking them.

Tim making his Kon clone baby, but the cloning chamber isn’t stable enough for the fetus. He’s desperately trying anything that he think might work, when he comes across Phantom. Phantom who has experience with stabilizing clones.

Danny had heard whispers through the grapevine (Ellie who’d joined the Teen Titans as Phantasm) that there was someone attempting to make clones. He’d only meant to snoop and see if it was a Vlad situation. If any clones had been made and needed liberating. What he found was a newly minted Red Robin crying over a red blinking message on a cloning chamber. He warbled a quiet “please, Kon, I don’t want to live without you.”

Danny quickly realizing this wasn’t an attempt to replace and destroy, but actually someone grieving, in probably an unhealthy way, but who was Danny to judge, he’d once replaced Sam and Tucker with robots for less. So he decided to help Red Robin out. Sure, he hadn’t dealt with kryptonian dna before, but he was at least 89% sure halfa dna was way more complicated. And Red Robin had already figured out ways around the dna shenanigans, it was just the stability that wasn’t going well. Honestly, he didn’t think it would be as easy as an ecto dejecto like it had been for Ellie. But his parents had a lot of inventions that they’d started making to help out ghosts, once they’d realized Danny was Phantom. Maybe telling Red Robin about ghost IVF wasn’t his most thought through plan.

“I think what might help is an incubator.” Phantom had suggested.

Tim could only gesture at the cloning chambers that had failed him thus far. They were essentially huge incubators.

Phantom awkwardly rubbed the back of his neck. “I meant, like, a living incubator. Like a surrogate.”

“Where am I going to find someone that I not only trust to carry the baby, but also would volunteer?” Tim raised an eyebrow at him. Hell, had Tim had the equipment to do so, he would have carried the baby, everything else be damned. He just didn’t want to be alone anymore.

Phantom blushed green and looked away. “It might take a little tinkering with the embryos to work with the physiology, but…. I could carry the baby for you. I mean, I’m trans, and even if I wasn’t, ghosts are kind of malleable in a reproductive sense. And there are options for IVF in ghost science. And like, my own clone is like my little sister. I’m also a protection spirit, so I would protect the baby with my entire afterlife. And I’m kind of rambling so you should say something before I embarrass myself.”

“You would be willing to carry a baby for me?” Tim was shell shocked by the offer.

“I mean, yeah. You’re a good guy. You’re not cloning him for a malicious reason. You’re just trying to bring back a piece of your friend because you love and miss him. Dedication that strong for someone who has left the living plain, is admirable. You realized early on that you wouldn’t be able to increase the speed in which the clone grew. You’ve been trying despite knowing that this clone will be a baby that’s going to be your child, and not just the friend you lost. And I wouldn’t mind giving up my body for a little bit so you can make your family.”

Tim certainly hadn’t meant to surge forward and kiss Phantom. “Thank you.” Tim pulled Phantom into a fierce hug. “Thank you, thank you, thank you.”

It took about a month for them to work out the kinks of making the baby safe for Danny’s body. In this time, Danny showing Red Robin his human form, and Tim revealing his own identity. It felt kind of wrong to keep his name from someone he intended to get pregnant with his child. Tim and Danny got close as they worked together on the baby. And there may have been a few more kisses shared between them. In the end, the baby ended up spliced with mostly Kon’s dna, some of Tim’s (to stabilize the kryptonian dna), and some of Danny’s (to keep the baby safe in the womb).

Once Danny was well and truly pregnant, he encouraged Tim to find Bruce. “I’ll keep the baby safe. You find your dad. If you need me for anything, I’m only a call away.” Tim hadn’t forgotten about Bruce, he’d just never thought it would take so long to set up cloning Kon. So much of his hurt and loneliness had fallen away in Danny’s presence, and Danny had let him hyper focus on making their baby.

“Probably terrible timing, but I’ve got to ask,” Tim swallowed nervously. “Be my boyfriend?”

Danny’s lopsided smile, thawed Tim’s nerves. “I think I could work with that. I hope you don’t mind kids though, I’m kind of pregnant.”

Tim huffed a laugh. “I’ll keep in touch while I’m away. Please keep me updated on the baby.”

Danny pulled him into a proper kiss, “I will.”

I’m mostly imagining Tim getting bump update photos and falling in love with his increasingly pregnant boyfriend, while he finds Bruce.

I’m also imagining after Bruce is back, Tim being like, “anyways gtg, my boyfriend is in his third trimester and I don’t want to miss the birth of our baby.” And peacing out before any bats could react, let alone stop him.

And also maybe when Kon comes back, there’s maybe a poly relationship started.

Also thinking about Tim getting Danny pregnant without the science.

Danny gets Dad, Tim gets Papa, and if Kon joins, he gets Poppy.

[phoenixyfriend]

I wrote another email to colourpop. (Explanation of the situation as of about a week ago)

Feel free to change a few things up and send one yourself:

Hello again.

This is my third time emailing about this, though I endeavor to remain professional and polite. You never did respond to my first email, and your response to my second on the topic was very rote, even canned. I'm hoping to get something more this time.

By this point, I'm sure you've heard more than enough on the morality and ethics that are at play here. After all, people have been asking you to address it for a year. Even with the announcement of the first collection, there were people telling you that you needed to make a statement, that you needed to at least ACKNOWLEDGE something they were concerned about. You have continuously refused to do so.

We are asking for you to donate a portion of the proceeds from the New Moon collection to the Quileute Move to Higher Ground fund, and if you can't, to tell us WHY. You have ignored endless numbers of comments over the past year on multiple platforms, and have recently even been deleting comments (polite ones, I saw) and shadow-blocking people on Instagram. Maybe it was a slip of the finger. Maybe it was Instagram's automoderator. Either way, it's not a good look.

There are five options I see:

You are planning to donate, and are currently working behind the scenes to put together a plan due to the continued support for the fundraiser. This is my favorite option. (Perhaps you already HAVE contributed somehow, and were keeping it a surprise. If that's the case, it's not an amazing plan, because I'd like to buy the collection NOW, and not when products have started going out of stock.)

You contacted mthg with an offer to donate, but they refused, not wanting any Twilight money. I find this unlikely, but I could respect it. I'd still ask that you make a statement, because if you DID, it would mean I could actually buy the collection.

You cannot afford it for some reason. I think this is unlikely as well, given that you have reported yearly sales in the eight figures, but I'll admit that it's possible the LA fires have had a major impact on your supply lines, or you're expanding the factory and have new mortgage payments. Sad, and I wouldn't buy the collection, but it would be nice to know so I could stop putting hours of my week into trying to get you to understand.

Your contract with Stephenie Meyer in particular, and the Twilight franchise more generally, prevents you from speaking publicly on this topic. It could be that you are legally unable to mention the Quileute people, as it could draw unfavorable attention to the Twilight brand. I'd consider it a bad look that you even signed the contract, then, much like with the Harry Potter collection (which sends money into transphobic lobbying), but it would at least make sense, you know? Maybe you could work around it, donating to a more general native charity, or working with an indigenous creator, to make up for the mistake you are now contributing to without breaking your contract.

Greed. You are earning money, and if you don't talk about it where people can see, then the people who don't care won't LEARN about the conflict, and the people who DO care won't have made so much noise that you had to give some of your cash away. I dislike this.

We want to know which of the five it is.

The last few weeks, you've spent a lot of time advertising your Pretty Fresh Tinted Foundation Balm. It's a good product, with a wide and flexible shade range. People have responded positively, and you clearly care about inclusivity… but doesn't that include native peoples? Does that not include the people whose culture you are using as advertising? The New Moon collection rests so heavily on Quileute characters, on individuals built to be of a culture that was used for years by Stephenie and never saw compensation despite being a cornerstone of the franchise. You are using them for marketing, also without compensation, and it spits in the face of the diversity you want to claim you champion.

In a political situation such as this, in a country where things like "DEI" are being disassembled in the name of fascism, a place where your own record on such things is shaky, why make things WORSE for marginalized groups? Why make things harder for people who are already struggling? You have the power to help in a profound way, and you aren't.

I am… very frustrated, at this point. Can we please just know why? Can we please just be TOLD what it is that you're doing, and why? Reasons one through five are up there, just tell me which one it is, because I am tired.

Just not tired enough to stop campaigning for a cause I truly believe in.

Thank you for your time.

[carigm]

About Dyersfilm’s “leak”

For all of you who don’t know, dyersfilm is an insufferable individual who used to go by the name of swiftlynatalia. She is racist, homophobic, transphobic, and even made fun of her supposed favorite actress’ eating disorder. However, people on Twitter (especially mlvns) entertain her because she had reliable sources during the filming of S4, and after during post production. She had some true leaks, many being the same that Reddit got right, while others only she had. She was also wrong about quite a few things, but generally she was reliable.

It is worth noting though that she is extremely biased against byler (many of the leaks she got wrong for S4 were pertaining their storyline) and absolutely hates the ship.

This time around, she was getting some leaks during the first couple of months of filming to her curious cat, but she herself claimed that these were not reliable leaks whatsoever and that she was pissed because this time she doesn’t have access to the real sources she had for S4. She has complained about this repeatedly for these past few months. The leaks she has gotten tho, many she has mocked and made fun of because they don’t align with what she wants from the show. She also made a “disclaimer” when the show started filming again that she would not be posting leaks about Byler because she hates us all, and yet every single one of those most likely fake leaks she got she posted, and many of them talked about Byler. She would post them and mock them for “clearly being untrue”. She has barely gotten a single Mlvn positive leak this whole time, and when she’s gotten at least something that alludes to them having scenes together she immediately ran to post it and alert all her friends, even tho she herself knows all of these are most likely fake.

For weeks now, her curious cat has been dry af because I guess nda’s are stronger this time, or no one wants to leak shit to her (she’s rude as hell). she posted the following ask 10 days ago. Someone asked her if she knew about any Mike and El scenes and she said no. Keep this in mind for what’s coming next…

Then suddenly yesterday, she alluded to a Jonathan spoiler she’s supposedly pissed about, but refused to post it like she’s done for everything else. People quickly thought it might involve Byler because she said she wasn’t going to post “leaks” about it, even though she had already lol. So they asked her and she said that “yes, it has to do with Byler.”

Then shortly after this someone asked about Mlvn again, this was just today. Again, note how she proceeds to say she knows nothing about Mlvn 😭

Bylers on Twitter noticed her answers about Mlvn and her comment about a supposed byler leak involving Jonathan and started speculating. She ofc noticed this, and not even after an hour of her saying she knows nothing about Mlvn she goes on to say this.

….

She knows nothing but somehow she knows Mlvn is stable? The bipolar disorder of these answers could rival my own bipolar.

Mind you, we all know that she would’ve jumped up at the first opportunity to post any leak that implied Will was pining and miserable, her and her friends would’ve had a field day over it. And yet, she only clarifies this after…

Not to mention how utterly ridiculous this all is. They’ve filmed stuff up until episode 4 (from what we know), why the hell would Will be pining and hung up over Mike if Mlvn is endgame? That makes absolutely no fucking sense. They would have him immediately fully patch things up with Mike and move on, not be hung up on someone he can’t have in the middle of an apocalypse. Especially not after the Duffers said he’s getting a happy ending. Will getting a happy ending but still being in love with Mike halfway through the last season with Mlvn being endgame is absolute lunacy.

Especially when you consider the fact that narratively, in a sense, Will has already moved on. He doesn’t expect anything from Mike, he doesn’t think Mike can like him back. He saw Mike confess his love in front of El, he helped that confession happen. Will literally has no problem with Mlvn anymore pls 😭 He saved them!!

This is the most ridiculous shit I’ve ever read.

Will is somehow upset at Mike not feeling the same way…when Will already believes Mike doesn’t feel the same and doesn’t ever expect any reciprocation 😭

Either she’s wildly twisting this supposed leak out of context to fit her own perceived narrative of what should happen, or she’s straight up lying about this.

And we know she’s lying about Mlvn so…you people decide what you think of this buffoonery lol.

Wait for Reddit leaks y’all. This woman could get a legit leak saying Byler is endgame and dig her own grave before posting it.

[johanna-swann]

Before 911 comes back this week:

One thing I've been thinking about in regards to Buddie is that, whether you like the ship or not, it wouldn't really add anything to the show. (Hear me out.)

We already get a handful of very tender, emotional scenes between them every season or a quick moment of Buck acting as a somewhat fatherly figure towards Chris, we already see them bantering or hanging out after work and helping each other out with the big important things. Both characters are already well established mains. They already have an amazing and unique relationship and are family to each other. They already have a kid (sort of). They already know each other inside and out. And all of that is nice and great even for fanfiction, it's a very comforting idea that they could just fall into that romantic partnership they both yearn for so easily.

[I say both, but personally I think for Eddie it's more anemoia than anything else. He thinks he wants what he believes he had with Shannon, but we all know their romance turned very rocky the second things got serious. Between getting pregnant young and on accident, being constantly pressured by their entire social environment, Eddie enlisting then re-enlisting and Shannon leaving when Chris was about 4 years old… They only ever lived under one roof together for months at a time if the timeline is supposed to make sense.]

Anyway. If either of them found a different partner it would add a lot more fresh content to the show which it desperately needs these days tbh. The new love interest would be a completely new character or at least a side character we now get to know much better. The couple would have to work on their relationship and on building something new together. They'd get to know each other slowly. They'd also get to interact with the firefam and be introduced to that family. There'd be a lot of new dynamics and just generally a lot more wiggle room than you'd have with Buddie.

They had a chance to do that with Tommy and fumbled it. Now I know Bucktommy sparked quite some controversy in the fandom, but that doesn't mean it couldn't still work with another character or even with Tommy if they ever decided to bring him back.

Marisol's actress was unpopular with us (fair, she's a transphobe), but before they decided to jump the shark and break out the Doppelgänger plot I was actually invested in Eddie (re-)learning how to build a romantic partnership with someone on both their terms - not society's. Ana was more a symbol than a girlfriend to him and maybe he wasn't ready to be dating seriously at the time, but when Pepa started bugging him about dating again in 6b it actually made sense. He had his whole getting therapy and getting better arc in s5, more time had passed since Shannon's death, it felt like the right time to give Eddie a romance plot again. But then the Doppelgänger plot happened and that progress was nipped in the bud.

Before that we had Taylor and it was amazing how she and Buck almost had a similar energy going as Bobby and Michael at times. Sneaking around, solving mysteries, being brought in for questioning. The usual. There was also this uncertainty in Buck on how to navigate his first stable relationship that actually could have a future. (Ali didn't live in LA fulltime and they only dated for a short while, he loved Abby but let's be honest they were never gonna last.) And it was so easy to let Taylor be a part of the work related plots? She's a reporter, of course it's plausible she shows up on scenes or during investigations. The writers were on to something here, she's still my favourite out of all of Buck's and Eddie's love interests.

But the point is that if they ever decide it's time Buck or Eddie to settle down (please, I am begging) and with the way 911 works (ensemble cast on a procedural drama that doesn't allow its characters to change) there's much more potential for interesting plots with an outside character who isn't part of the firefam yet instead of adjusting the flavour of a relationship we've already had 6 seasons of.

[werewolf-cuddles]

But how will people know that you're A Good Person if you don't *checks notes* set fire to your merch you bought years ago whose destruction would have zero tangible benefit for anyone?

Don't you know that enjoying a book that's been your favorite for decades in the privacy of your own home is *checks notes again, I saw the same posts* literally personally assisting in trans genocide?

Don't you know you're not allowed to enjoy stories written by shitty people*, even if you're very explicit that you don't support their views, or support them monetarily by buying anything from them?

*Well, it's just the one shitty person that's off limits. You're still allowed to enjoy Neil Gaiman's work. Or use Facebook. Actually pretty much anything else, you're good. It's just this one very specific case, where if you still enjoy the books that made reading fun again for millions of children, you've literally personally got blood on your specific hands. This makes perfect sense and definitely isn't indicative of tumblr's tendency towards reactionary yet meaningless virtue signaling.

(/end of sarcasm)

It's incredibly frustrating that this website's instinct the second anything bad happens for trans rights is to attack Harry Potter fans who publicly disavow and refuse to support the author. I get that fans are more bullyable than actual transphobes because we're all on the same website, but attacking them specifically is such useless self-aggrandizing bullshit.

People are allowed to be upset, but I wish they'd attack the actual causes instead of just whoever's closest and easiest to attack.

I understand the sentiment, especially given recent events, but yeah, a lot of this does feel rather performative.

The hyperbolic nature of a lot of these comments really doesn't help. In the comments of one post, I saw some people equating owning Harry Potter merch to collecting Nazi memorabilia, and at least one person comparing holding onto childhood copies of the books to "owning a cherished copy of Mein Kampf"

(Because yes, owning a children's book with problematic elements is absolutely equivalent to owning literal Nazi propaganda)

It's just exhausting, honestly, and yet I also feel guilty for feeling that way because I know that in the grand scheme of things, this is absolutely nothing compared to what so many trans people have been going through.

[hot-takes-for-trans-flakes]

Most trans and disabled people who fit the type of crusty queer or tender queer are not actually disabled and ARE in fact mentally ill.

I saw a video of someone, don’t know their gender, who with screen text was saying that they were disabled (autistic I’m assuming) and had been nonverbal for 4 weeks, use one of those electronic talking devices to communicate, had made a sensory bag filled with children’s toys, and included a video of them in a public area wearing a dog mask and a dog tale while having text that said their therapist thought they were in such a state of constant fight of flight that it had caused them not to be able to speak. And of course, cue a comment section of thousands of people tripping over themselves to have the best take on this situation and the “these are the gay and trans people with their stupid gender crap” mentality. And while some people had some really good points in other observations about this person’s behaviour, no one got it exactly right I felt, or at least no one could resist ending with some kind of self centred addition or showing they are genuinely transphobic or homophobic and just looking for an excuse to hate on trans people.

I think, the the truth is, as much as I can say without bias, that the person in the video IS trans, but these kinds of trans people ARE mentally ill, not that being mentally ill means they’re not trans, but that mental illness leads to this sort of age regressive slant to their (genuine) identity as a coping mechanism leading to make-believe fantasies like being a dog or living in a perpetual state of childhood that requires toddler toys and gummy worms to get through life as shown in the video. I appreciate trans people don’t grow up with trans adult role models, trans people aren’t taken seriously, being trans is dismissed as a mental illness or confusion, so these young people don’t have access to avenues and outlets that allow them to grow up. Meaning, they feel like if you can’t go forward to the Scary World Of Adulthood, they have to go back to the Comforting World Of Childhood where you can be anything you want. You can be crazy, expressive, colourful as a trans person, you can be binary, average, and cis looking af as a trans person, and there are mature ways a person can do either of these things, and you can do these things in a confident, self-explored way while having a mental illness, same way you can still hold down a job with depression or start a family with OCD, yes it’s harder, but these people exist all around us and still lead normal happy lives. All these things are not in direct conflict with one another.

But the problem with the trans people in the video is that they conflate aspects of their mental illness with gender expression or need for disability devices they don’t actually require: they are introgressive only in imagination, like constantly relating themselves to characters and having difficulty exactly placing their sense of self even well into adulthood, and due to trauma or mental illness, find self reflection or self-advancement that works through these things too challenging and would rather cope by using age regression to avoid confrontation. This makes their mental illness even more difficult to combat because children don’t have to deal with the stressors of life, they can play and be comfortable and never move beyond the stage of adult-childhood and attribute this to being a part of their gender or their disability, when in fact it’s mostly a symptom of their mental illness. It’s the reason why so many trans people who are disabled do it in a way people find childish and immature. It’s not that they aren’t trans or aren’t disabled, it’s that they’ve not done the proper self-exploration (yet or at all) to differentiate between their identity and mental illness, where one stops and the other begins. Obviously average cis people don’t know all this nuance and continue to spit rampant transphobia against trans people, harshly question the validity of all disability, and think all trans people are mentally ill or faking their disability, and you’ve got trans people who are also ignorant and say these kind of “fake people” are taking up space and not leaving room for Actual trans or disabled people. When in reality, people on both sides of the argument are just getting mixed up in things they don’t have the awareness levels to understand.

I think the person in the video IS disabled in the sense that they are autistic (which is classified as a mental disability) but they are not as disabled as they think or in the ways that they think. I would argue most of what they think is a disability is actually part of their mental illness, and I say this having viewed several hundred videos of people exactly like this over the years and clicking through their content to see what the hell is going on, and 100% of the time, they all follow the same patterns as each other. Whether or not a mental illness that is so acute counts as a disability is another argument entirely, but let’s say for the purpose of this that it does not as a mental illness can mostly be treated and cured and lifelong disabilities cannot be and only managed. In the video, this person used the talking device to help with their disability induced non-verbal state. No matter what is actually triggering it, they appear to be helped by it. However, I don’t think it’s helping the disability, at least not primarily. The way in which they are using their disabled devices (the talker thing) attests more to the age regression “baby no talk right now :(“ due to the mental illness than it is to some formal way to communicate in the event speech is far more difficult due to the disability, not that this person isn’t at all influenced by any effects of their disability, but that the mental illness is the prime motivator for seeking this assistance. It’s not that I think this person isn’t disabled in some way, I think they are, but they are mistaking a lot of mental illness symptoms for a disability. I think accessibility devices by these kinds of people are not always used to alleviate what they have difficultly doing but rather they are used to explore the parameters of what they have the option NOT to do, what is EASIER to do for easier’s sake, not because it’s genuinely assisting something they actually can’t do, but placating something that is difficult to do only because of the mental illnesses that they continually ignore fixing, asserting them as core pieces of their identity, treating the mental conditions as things they will have forever. I think that’s why you’ll often get people who say their disabled status AND list some of their mental illnesses or “trauma survivor” in their online bios. It’s important to distinguish that mental illnesses are not identities, and that identifying with them will often prevent people from healing beyond them. Unlike a mental illness, for many people, being disabled is a part of their identity, it’s life long, and they may regularly interact with it Forever. And Disability devices are used to make something you can’t do easier or possible during that lifetime. A cane to walk, a wheelchair to move, a hearing aid to hear, talking devices to speak, noise cancelling headphones to avoid meltdowns, subtitles to understand, prosthetics to walk or interact with the world, sensory objects to mitigate sensory overload. These things are not aimed at trying to make you a more productive member of society, (or at least they shouldn’t be) they should be used in such a way that allows you to do whatever you personally want to do, what you want to be capable of, whether that achieves something or not, whether it’s for your job, community, or just for you. And yes, there is overlap in who these devices benefit. Theoretically, anyone benefits from things disabled people benefit from because the intentions of these devices is to make life easier.

It’s not saying only disabled people are allowed to use these devices, anyone can use them. The only problem with some mentally ill people using these disabled devices arises when a person uses them in a maladaptive way, relying on them as a crutch to prohibit moving beyond their mental illness or using it to assert aspects of their core identity and in this case, sustains age regression and creates further tensions maintaining intrapersonal relationships, holding down a job, developing social skills, or treating others respectfully and equally. From a person at a public protest I heard asking the perplexed organiser to be their carer for the event because they didn’t want to be anxious to the young queer person who was holding a cane that wasn’t even touching the ground I watched rolling their eyes head held high rudely shoving past people out of an elevator who were just trying to let other people exit the elevator first, a blurred line between disability and mental illness/personality disorders causes people like the one in the video to have a skewed sense of their own capabilities and self, relying on things that, while assisting their disability, assist sustaining a mental illness. It’s not known in someone like the original video whether or not the speech device was helping autism or mental illness because they think any difficulty they face removing the device makes the disability harder, when in reality it may just be the discomfort from having something taken away that aided their comfort in the age regressive habit of not having to speak. Arguments claiming disability if you’re not actually disabled and taking away resources and services from “actual” disabled people is just some kind of red herring. The real consequence of this behaviour is that with no distinction between a disability and a mental illness, you are using a disabled identity (whether you are or not) to placate a mental illness and refusing responsibly for your actions and behaviours, attributing them to being trans or disabled, calling people transphobic or ableist when you get called out for something shitty you did or when someone suggests to you you might have a mental illness in addition to being trans or disabled. And this stubborn refusal to self reflect or let go of trauma to instead assert why you identify as an its/it xe/xir circulargender pansexual lesbian “little creature” is what pisses people off. Like yes there is nuance, yes not every instance of a person identifying this way means this, it’s just that I’m noticing it 100% of the time in people that present themselves this way. The difference is that I don’t leap to the conclusion they’re faking trans or disabled. I think you can be those and mentally ill at the same time, it’s just that mental illness needs addressing. It’s also unsurprising so many of these types are almost always white from English speaking counties but that’s another post entirely.

And you get the people who are like “I shouldn’t have to appease other people! I should be allowed to be myself! No one knows me better than me!” right sure, but constantly acting like a toddler well into adulthood is mentally abnormal, constant maladaptive daydreaming as a creature is mentally abnormal, these are signs something in your brain isn’t working correctly and there’s no way to argue around that. Whether it’s a positive or negative or harmless effect on your current situation differs from person to person, but broadly, they tend to be things people seek help for as they often put strain on their life and relationships. But when you’ve removed yourself from taking responsibility for your mental health, you incidentally bestow that responsibility on other people and make life difficult for people who ARE trying to interact with you, you’re difficult to manage because you’ve absolved yourself of managing yourself, you’ve become a child or thing for other people to take care of lest they be called ableist or transphobic for refusing to work with you or assist you, don’t want to be friends with you, or can’t help you. People like this also are at a disadvantage to themselves because you’ve not actually fully assessed your limitations and feelings, you’ve jumped one hurdle which was just a little bit uncomfortable and gave up on the race, because if you reached the end of the track, you might’ve learned the burning exhaustive sensation after jumping hurdle 18 out of 25 made that slight discomfort at hurdle 1 look like a walk in the park. You’ve been perfectly capable of hurdle 1 this entire time, but without the perspective of hurdle 18, you think you need to commit yourself to a wheelchair or ditch PE for life. It’s not “push yourself until you collapse” as these people always think you’re advocating for to which you get called ableist and a nazi, it’s simply saying “develop a frame of reference for your limitations and feelings, don’t assume the first sign of resistance or discomfort is the ceiling, because that isn’t helpful to understand yourself.”

There is also the comment that people like this do this for attention. And I’m ngl, I think it is in the social media sense, otherwise why post it? Seeking attention is a normal human behaviour, we repeat ourselves if we don’t think someone heard us, we flag down waiters and taxis, we guide conversations to talk about subjects where we can share stories and achievements, we act a certain way if we’re feeling sad so someone might ask what’s wrong, EVERYONE does it, wanting someone to pay attention to us or respond to us is normal shit. However, I don’t think that people are being trans or disabled for attention all the time, even if they’re being flashy about it. It’s the presence of a mental illness or personality disorder on top of genuinely being trans or disabled that causes a person to use these things for attention. They just hit the social jackpot: they are genuinely trans but also constantly talking about it for attention. You can be trans AND an attention whore, you can be cis and an attention whore, they don’t negate one another. You have subjectively incredibly talented musicians who are also self centred piece of shit narcissists. Does’t mean they’re a fake musician or being a musician just for attention, but it does mean they’re an asshole and also use their music for attention. Because the people in these kinds of people in the afore mentioned video are so insulated within themselves, dwelling in online worlds of fiction, posting imaginative content where people like them often are, it becomes easier to get attention for things they were normally bullied in school for. They can strut about with a flashy cane or pretend they don’t know what they’re doing is attracting attention and also have their identity be genuine. They basically can have their cake and eat it too. It’s not being trans or being disabled that causes this, it’s the personality or mental illness of a person that does. Someone made the comment as well that these kinds of people ironically can’t order pizza over the phone to save their life despite wanting attention and that’s because it breaks the suspension of disbelief in their own imaginative state. Reality exists as the Big Scary World they avoid interacting with. They can go to the park in the dog costume because it’s in their own little world. Any negative attention they get for it can further be used to assert why they shouldn’t interact with the Big Scary World and people online will tell them being a dog in public is actually brave and expressive and You Be You, and it can keep the cycle going for this kind of behaviour which keeps them separated from reality, locked in an age regressive state. And people who take any little step out of this zone or face resistance within it or essentially meeting hurdle 1 and retreating back to the safe zone, meaning they don’t have thick skins, are easily hurt, and need safe spaces and coddling from others to feel safe, to allow the mental illness to keep going because dealing with because admitting to yourself you aren’t actually that disabled or acknowledging effort is normally required to do things and being completely devoid of discomfort is not possible is so much harder than acceptance of these things. It’s not that mental illness undermines or serves as a sign someone isn’t gay or trans or bi or disabled or non binary, but it DOES affect the way in which a person explores and displays these things and again, could serve as a crutch that prevents someone exploring themselves and their feelings and expressions on these things further. When I see someone like in the video, I can see a trans person and autistic person who might otherwise be different if they weren’t so affected by using their mental illness as a comfort tool. The problem is, they don’t know who they are without the mental illness, they don’t know what being trans or disabled looks like outside of age regression. And fearful, they continue acting this way.

And that’s why it angers people who are trans, disabled, or otherwise, because this person is unbeknownst to themselves asserting gender or disability (core aspects of a personal identity) through the lens of mental illness. It’s mistaking mental illness as part of their trans identity or part of their disabled identity. Unchecked age regression or unchecked personality disorders caused by trauma like narcissistic personality disorder or DID leads to their gender expression involving dressing like an overgrown toddler or identifying as an object or their disabled status involving using walking canes covered in stickers or using baby toys as stim toys. They don’t do these things because they are trans and disabled alone as if those things intrinsically cause these behaviours, they do these things because they’re age regressing in a maladaptive way, they’re mentally ill, and people who don’t understand this think being trans and disabled involves age regression and eating baby food or hopping around in a public park dressed like a dog. Mental illness involves these things, not being trans or disabled or gay.

Additionally, I wouldn’t be surprised if these kinds of people were, unbeknownst to themselves, use being transgender like becoming a fictional character or roleplay a child identity due to trauma or just general unhappiness with themselves, and that may be why so many chronically online trans people age regress and irl trans people don’t, why you have trans people for instance that know from a very young age which gender they do or don’t identify with (even nb people) and then you get people that float on girl lite and boy lite for decades accompanied by an obsession with fictional media and characters and cartoons, to them being trans is less about being yourself, and more about being A Fictional Character while you don’t actually know who you are at your core. It’s not that these people aren’t trans, but they’re not trans in the way the term was originally referring too. Like who cares why a person changes their gender, I think it can be a decision if you want, but like I do think there are different kinds of trans people, some of them genuinely informed by mental illness, but we all have to live under the same roof. And therapists don’t pick up on this because the said mentally ill person clearly doesn’t identify with their birth gender and suffers gender dysphoria which meets criteria for transitioning. I don’t think any one trans person is more valid over another, like you do you, it ain’t none of my business and I’ll still advocate for everyone, but I do think there are trans people for which it is a part of a personality disorder, mental illness, being autistic, or literally just wanting to play pretend but Forever. The problem is there is no system and probably never will be that differentiates those with those motives from other motives because trying to do that would just make us lose our rights entirely so we HAVE to advocate for these people too. Everyone should have a right to live their life whether I agree with it or not, whether I understand it or not. But I do see now, the older I get, why you get so many conservatives saying trans disabled people are just confused and mentally ill, therefore not trans. I still think these people are trans, even though they don’t fit why I’m trans. I do just wish these kinds of people paid more attention to their mental health because it IS getting to a stage of irresponsibleness, and trans people like me are struggling to figure out how to stick up for these people when some people are so damn hard to defend. It’s getting more and more complex to explain to people online or in person or to politicians taking away our rights because it requires an extensive conversation with tomes of backstory to explain why this kind of person exists and why you shouldn’t take away their (our) rights or call them mentally ill (even though we know they are).

[genderkoolaid]

hi! your blog's been encouraging to me as a trans guy, but i've recently felt that i should no longer call myself that/should just "go back to" being a girl, and idk if my train of thought makes any sense...so i just wanted to ask someone w more experience (but feel free to ignore this rant/call me out if im not making sense btw)

so yeah, my cousin's been out to me as a (binary) trans man for a few years now, and in trying to find understanding, i came out to him a few months later, but got a very flat/kinda disgusted reaction. despite my consistent support for him over the years, he has continued to "joke" about my looks/short hair and dismisses any attempts at serious conversations or even just jokes about gender/being a guy too. he also calls me things ive told him makes me uncomfortable (gender-wise) and then acts like it means nothing. he generally brushes me off by telling me to stop trying to compare myself to him, and is either prickly about it or just in-your-face "idgaf what you're talking about and i'm tired of you." it barely hurts me anymore, but ive felt connected to trans-ness for so many years (longer than id even known he was too) and his reaction to this part of me has honestly made me wonder if i'm just making it up/am trying too hard or something,,,like maybe i'm just trying to cover for being a gross 20-somethings woman ?? idk ?

i'm probably just being over-sensitive, and i dont feel it's outright malicious or anything (maybe he just doesn't think/care about it as much as me?), but i have nobody else to ask (no irl friends/people im out to) and i'm currently renting/living with him, which has brought these worries to the forefront. thanks if youve read this far, but please don't feel pressured to respond!

Your cousin sounds like he has a lot of internalized transphobia he's directing at you. Unfortunately there are trans people who try to prop themselves up and make themselves feel more confident in their transness by tearing down others. You are not being over-sensitive, and regardless of what he thinks he's doing, he's actively being cruel to you. You are well within your rights to be hurt by his actions. Living with someone who is constantly being transphobic to you is traumatizing- detransitioning can be a coping method for those who have to constantly defend themselves from transphobic abuse.

If its possible, I would recommend trying to see if there are any queer orgs in your area you could connect with (physically or online). At the least, you may find some people who can give you emotional support, and they also may be able to find you a better living situation. Even if that's not possible right now, keep reminding yourself that his behavior is cruel and you are allowed to be upset about it. You do not need to take any of his opinions on your gender seriously. You are not making up your transness or trying too hard. You are not over-sensitive, you are being hurt.

[velvetvexations]

i feel really selfish saying this, but i really wish there were more general trans movies with characters who aren't trans women. like, i'm really glad that they're there and there should be more, but on the other hand, its kinda all thats there? obviously there ARE movies like this, but 9 times out of 10 when there's a recommendation to go see a trans movie, its either a trans women or a character heavily implied to be a trans women there. and i'm really glad those movies are there! but i'd just wish there could be a big discussion about movie and there would be a trans man or a nonbinary person representing the community.

(this also goes for other types of media too)

i sent an ask complaining about how the majority of trans movies that the community talks mainly show trans women and i wanna take that back cause a lot of those media are shitty towards trans women. i dont think its fair to complain about that when those media are awful towards trans women. i apologize

anon of the trans ppl in media asks you can publish them! i retracted it cause im kinda emotional rn and i couldn't really remember if i was being fair or shitty

I think what you're forgetting, anon, is that while trans women are depicted badly in a lot of places - less so over the years, people mainly reference things from the previous century - there's still way more positive transfem rep than there is of anything for transmascs, and that doesn't mean transfems have it better, but as always hyper-visibility and invisibility are two sides of the same coin. It's okay for invisibility to not feel good. There should indeed be more media about transmascs.

Now I'm finally doing that. This year I made my first ever hand sewn cosplay. There are definitely mistakes, but it's pretty sturdy and I can't express the sheer sense of pride I got from wearing something I sewed myself. There are some things I wanna tweak on it, like I must have made a mistake when measuring the waistband because it's WAY too thick. But it's functional, it's accurate, and it even has a zipper! It was expensive because of course for my first ever sewing project I picked a character with a pleated skirt (you need 3x your waist in fabric and im fat which definitely adds up lmao, plus i got the fabric custom printed from a print-on-demand company) and the pleats took forever to do. But I'm so so so proud of it. I'm looking into armor crafting with EVA foam for a future cosplay, and it's intimidating but I'm really excited at the idea of working with it. I've seen so many amazing armor sets and props made with EVA foam and I can't wait to make my own. I'm thinking I'm gonna cosplay Maple from BOFURI: I Don't Want to Get Hurt, So I'll Max Out My Defense.. Then again, that might be jumping off straight into the deep end again like I did for the last cosplay since she has a GIANT shield. At least I'm sticking to her main outfit, not the one with giant angel wings lmao. I may have watched several videos on wing crafting but even I'm not brazen (or stupid) enough to try making those for only my second real cosplay lmao. Anyway this has been your regularly unscheduled cosplay info dump. Thank you for tuning in, we'll see you next time!

Ambitious! I hope it all turns out great, it sounds like a lot of big projects to have on one's plate.

My opinions are a lot more nuanced than most takes on 'shipcourse' that ive seen, but I've gathered that im generally included when people say 'proshippers dni' based on how people define it in said dnis. I'm not gonna purposefully interact with someone who obviously doesn't want me there. But that makes it frustratingly difficult to find people to follow who also believe in things like transandrophobia. It happens all too often that I find someone with great takes and go to follow them, then see that they have a dni that includes me. It especially sucks when all the other things in the dni are things like "racist" and "transphobic". I'm sorry, but I just can't see having a nuanced opinion on fiction as being on the same level as being a bigot towards others. It sucks to be put on the same level as actively hateful people because I have concerns about the normalization of censorship. I believe that when you open the doors to censoring media because of morals, you set the groundwork for things like the Hays Code. Censorship has always been disproportionately used to silence marginalized groups. I just can't get behind that, no matter how 'noble' the intentions behind it might be.

If it helps any, I'm also what one would call a pro-shipper but find the word itself beneath my dignity because I think it's ridiculous it's an argument in the first place.

[my-castles-crumbling]

Anon Advice Asks - April 2

overwhelming anon (new), camaraderie anon (new), fortnight anon (new), nyx anon, 14 anon

overwhelming anon

Hey cas

So I realized I am gay. About 2 months ago.

Some shit happened, and um, there is a trans man in my class, and he asked me out, I didn't say yes, sure we flirted a bit but I rejected him at the end and we were okay, talking only as friends, flirting or leading someone is not involved.

Then I realized I don't really feel comfortable dating with trans men unless they had surgery. And I see them as men, I don't misgender and I try my best to make sure they know I support them but I just, don't feel attracted to them?

Anyway, I feel bad now, am I transphobic? I swear I am not uncomfortable with their presence, I have trans friends, a woman and a nonbinary, and I am still friends with the guy who asked me out before. I grew up with homophobic/transphobic parents so I am not sure what's okay and what's not most of the part. I spent a lot of time trying to unlearn things and be a good ally , then I found out I am into guys and now I am afraid of doing something wrong or offending someone I know- my friend circle is mostly queer and they grow up in accepting houses. So when I don't know something or when I dont know something is offensive, they act like it's common sense and I don't blame them, it is to them, but to me everything is too new and it's overwhelming and I don't want to have sick thoughts like my parents and feel so much guilty and I don't know what to do I am sorry

Hi!

No, this isn't transphobic. If you didn't see them as the gender they'd transitioned to, it would be. But you do. You're just not attracted to the parts they have, and that's okay, imo. Everyone has preferences and that's fine. I think as long as you're gentle and kind about it, then there's nothing wrong with that.

It sounds like you're doing a lot of work to unlearn the things you've been taught and to be better than the people who taught you those things. Nobody's perfect, and I really admire you for putting in the effort to admit when you're wrong and to keep learning <3

____________

camaraderie anon

Hey cas. I think its really cool that you give advice to so many people. And I have a problem.

Im a senior in highshcool and Ive been part of a sports team for about 3 years. This is my last season. When I joined, another girl, let's call her K, also joined. K is disabled, and rhe team had to do some adapting to allow her to participate, but everyone was more than willing. A local group helped build some special equipment, new safety procedures were written, etc. I was pretty good friends with K, we had similar interests and hung out a lot, mostly watching movies and playing video games, outside of practice. I know other girls on the team also hung out with her outside of practice but she rarely participated in group activities, though i cant say for sure exactly how often she and I were invited to the same events. This time last year, however, we had a competition. Comps have different events and each event gets a different group entered in it, but each girl can have multiple events, generally we each get at least 2 events. K and I were entered in events together a lot, just because of what her disability allowed and what I personally enjoyed. This was no exception. However, K made a pretty bad mistake and really messed up that event for our group. I was a bit upset, but didnt show it. The next day, K comes to me a tells me that another team had actually made a mistake and her "mistake" was a reaction to that, that it was the only thing to do at rhe time. This was a lie, i was there, I knew what happened. She was trying to cover for herself. I was wayyyy more made about the lie than the mistake, because I value trust. This time she blamed another team but next time what if she blames me to cover for herself and then it ends up as a he said she said? However, she had already told the coaches and her mom the story, as well as anyone else that would listen. Whatever. I let it go.

But i didn't really stay friends. We stopped hanging out. Partly because of the lie and partly because she moved across town.

This season, my last, we continue to have issues. Everyone has always been super understanding about the physical aspect of her ability, but I think that the mental part of her condition was never really discussed, or maybe the patterns are more personality? Regardless, most people dont like being in groups with her. There are some other more complex team hierarchy issues at play but my thing is, im not competitive enough to pursue this in college, its solely for fun. I dont need to be able to work with anyone, I want tk ahve fun. Being in groups with her is so so stressful, because we have to meet and talk about strategies to deal with her mistakes, etc, and then basically divide up her job between us. When she joined, we all assumed it would be a learning curve, but when it comes down to it, shes not good at this. Dialbilty or otherwise, other kids who made the mistakes she has have gotten pulled as safety hazards. Its stressful and its frankly dangerous. Im sad because I really liked her as a person when we were friends, but I thjnk if her mom wasnt always pushing for specially treatment and acting like everyone is ableist if she doesn't get to do x number of events... idk. I feel bad. Genuinely. I wouldn't mind doing an event or 2 with her. But its every single event in every competition and it sucks the fun, camaraderie, and sportsman ship out of everything. There are plenty of things im not good at and I fully expect I wouldn't make try outs for a team for any of them! I understand that sometimes accommodations need to be made (my sister is also disabled. I really do understand) idk. Im sad and frustrated and I feel bad but I dont want to do this anymore. Mom and dad want to talk to the coaches and see if I can just have one event per comp without her.

Sorry that was so long. Take it as a vent or tell me what you'd do, either way. Thanks cas

Hi!

Honestly I think this is something to talk to the coach about. Like I think you need to figure out...is this issue- the safety issue and the inability to do well issue- because of her disability or because she seems to be unable to own up to her own mistakes and work as a team? If it's because of her disability, better and more thoughtful accommodations need to be made so everyone is safe and so you are still able to compete in a way that's fun for you. And if it's not her disability, then she should be treated like any other member of the team and get coaching or even a consequence because she's not being a team player.

Does the coach know about this? If they don't, then I would tell the coach first, and ask for help. If they do, then yeah, I would ask to not always be paired with this girl. Sometimes adults forget that just because you're nice doesn't mean you should always be paired with someone who might need your help. But honestly if this is a safety issue, as you say, then THAT is the big point to make. Yes, we need to include people, but not when it causes anyone to be in danger. And yes, I am absolutely in agreement that accommodations and inclusion are SUPER important, but it needs to be done in a thoughtful way, and it sounds like that might not be happening.

I hope talking to the coach helps! <3

____

fortnight anon

ok, this is my first time asking something like this, I just couldn't really think of anyone else to ask (redacted)

Hi <3

This is absolutely NOT okay. Nope. Not at all. Do any other adults know about this?

_____

nyx anon

Honestly I'm so mad for you. Is there someone you can report this to? Would your year's head teacher help?

____

14 anon

Cas on Thursday I confessed to one of ny best friends that I read jegulus fanfiction and she was so cool about it and let me ramble and it feels like a weight has been taken off my chest.

I still haven’t told my other best friend about it though bc I’m not sure how she’d react. She’s not a bad person or anything, she’s not homophobic or transphobic I think she’d just find it weird, and she’s the only friend I talk to outside of school. If I lose her I basically lose half my life motivation.

-

I made a google form with the whole marauders fandom thing at the end and sent it to my other best friend and I’m just waiting now and I’m so scared

-

She’s acting a bit strange now but I asked if she found it weird and she just said “ur weird I’m used to it” and I think she’s just indifferent about it??

She’s the only friend I have outside of school so I just hope everything is ok.

Had a panic attack waiting for her response btw

Anyways bye I’m gonna go rethink my decision.

Hi!

Honestly from the few people I've told, I've gotten similar reactions. Like "Wow okay. That's weird. Anyway..." But I don't think it's a bad thing, I wouldn't worry too much about it. Like I'm sure your friend has things she does that she's worried you find weird, too. Friends are supposed to care, even if you're weird. I'm so glad your other friend let you talk about it!

[cure-icy-writes]

Penny's trying her best to reconnect with her father.

Penny is trying, she's really trying, and she wants to reconnect with her family. She's introduced her dad to Arven, who's clearly starving for parental affection, and she's invited Nemona on one of their Galarian raid adventures. She even brought Juliana over once or twice.

All of her friends say about the same thing. Your dad is really cool, Penny. You're lucky to have him. Arven acts like an old man and is already developing dad hobbies, Nemona is the perfect enthusiastic daughter that Penny could never be, Juliana has a good-natured personality and is willing to try anything at least once.

It's just… Penny isn't any of those things, not really. She's quietly snarky and kind of a bitch sometimes. She's introverted and likes her veevees more than people. She's fatigued easily and doesn't know how to communicate, so she does shit like pressuring Juliana into a series of heartbreaking battles because she doesn't know how to talk to her friends.

She wonders, sometimes, why people still like her or hang around. She's depressed and self-loathing to the point of toxicity, feeling guilt for so much as touching people.

"Man, you need to get better taste if you consider me a friend," she joked once, to Juliana.

Juliana had just… slowed down. And stopped. Which was a crucial mistake that made Penny feel like launching herself off a cliff. (Not that she'd die, just that it would be a way to escape the social situation.)

"Well, maybe I'm allowed to like whoever I want," she said, quietly at first, then her face screwed up. "I want to yell at you sometimes, that hey! You're liked, actually, and it's frustrating that you won't accept that!"

"Sorry." Poison, poison, poison. That's all she feels like she's made of. Unwanted muk.

"I'm sorry too."

"Why?" It came out more sarcastic than Penny had intended. Why would anyone apologize to me? I'm good at enduring it. I can endure so much. Why would you treat me with this softness?

"Because you deserve better," Juliana said.

If she's poison, if she deserves it, then it makes sense. She knows how to cope with enduring the shame and the guilt. She doesn't know how to cope with knowing full well the weight of what was done to her. She can only ever handle it when it's buried under layers of dissociation and metaphor.

She didn't know how to respond to that. It was a compliment, but she doesn't know how to accept those. Even when her dad compliments her, and her dad is the most genuine person she knows, she just feels an overwhelming wave of embarrassment.

"Do I?" Penny had asked.

"Yes. And just because you've been made to feel like that, doesn't change the fact that you deserve nice things."

Penny had sat with that for a while, thinking about her therapist from Galar who never got far with her anyways because she didn't trust anyone. About the time she cut her hair short, thinking that maybe if she just conformed, she'd be left alone.

It didn't help, in the end. The bullies just found some new attribute to pick on. She thinks those sorts of people are like Sharpedo with the scent of blood, who figure out you're trans and autistic long before you realize it yourself. If she'd come out as trans back then, she would have had the protection of a label and a community, and no one wants to be labeled a transphobe but everyone's eager to harass the guy who is just a bit too feminine.

Making herself miserable in advance never stopped anyone else from tormenting her. Pre-emptive punishment for her own perceived failure was never a viable strategy, and now she's left at a safe school with people who want to be her friends, flinching at shadows. And it's not fair to anyone.

She knows that she's damaged, she's not worthy of calling herself traumatized but she does feel fundamentally altered. Stunted. She doesn't know how to interact with genuine kindness.

But she wants to learn, damnit. She wants to believe that maybe the world doesn't hate her. So she asks her dad for help, for the first time in years.

He's overbearing as usual, broad movements and loud voice. She positions herself against the wall and wears her headphones, fidgeting with the dial so it cancels just enough noise but not too much.

"I'm really proud of you, Penny," he says, ruffling her hair. "Look at you! Getting your own furniture, that's a sign that you're becoming an adult. I can't believe my little girl's growing up so fast!"

"It's… not that," she mumbles. "Just. Arven's helping me clean. I wanted to get some of the dust out and sort some piles."

"Arven, huh?" Her dad's working on building the frame of the bookcase, while she's dusting off her books and measuring and figuring out how to sort them. "He's a good kid. Real hard worker, too!"

Penny isn't sure how to explain that it's a trauma response. So she doesn't explain. Except the longer she thinks about it, the more pissed off and frustrated she gets, that Arven has it so bad at home, that he's mature and responsible and won't ever have the chance to be a kid again while she can afford to be a kid for much longer because of her dad's hard work.

"Hey, what's that face for? Turn that frown upside down," Peony jokes, poking at her cheek.

She doesn't smile. "Arven doesn't have a good home life. That's why I invite him over so much." She's fucked things up, she's ruined the mood. This was supposed to be about father daughter bonding and she's dropped this. She's never going to talk about her feelings ever again. Her dad puts down the allen wrench, watching her. She just wants to hide.

"That's good, then. That you're giving him that chance. Ah, I know I'm not the brightest at picking up on these things," he admits, and frankly the autism is probably hereditary but he's not ready for that conversation yet, "but I'll do the best I can, okay? For you, and for your friends. All you have to do is ask."

And asking for help is such a mortifying fucking ordeal that she'd rather swallow a ghost pepper, frankly, but it's supposed to get easier in time. Allegedly. It's such a simple thing, the first thing babies learn, but it's been beaten out of her. She's the sort of girl who can endure anything, who can endure the impossible. But asking for help makes her want to sob.

"I'll try," she says, and this time it's not a platitude but a genuine hope.

[thegoldheartlocketandkey-blog]

It’s been made pretty clear by the fandom, not just Buddie Shippers, that we aren’t really fans of who Buck and Eddie end up with in the finale.

The biggest issue I have with the pairings is that they weren’t worked up, they kind of just showed up and we have no reason to care about them.

If these women are supposed to be endgame, at least give us ample reason to support the choice.

Natalia: They really screwed up her character because there was so much potential in making her interesting and someone we would like to get to know. She’s a death dula and Buck died. Instead of having her tell Buck that it’s so “cool” that he died they could of had her play an active role in having him process his death. I mean they still have the opportunity to do that but after they gave us a cringe date, a recycled story line, but with less depth, they gave us too many reasons to dislike her as a character for me to even see that play out.

They made the same mistake they made with Lucy. Instead of having Natalia be a friend to Buck they force her to be a love interest which adds nothing new to bucks character.

But imagine Buck’s character development if Natalia was a friend. He would have gone from Buck 1.0 ( The guy who only does hook ups), to Buck 2.0 (the guy who just ends up in relationships) to Buck 3.0 (the guy who chooses himself and is able to be friends with a woman).

We can also address the fact that there is a lack of chemistry between Buck and Natalia. The kiss in the finale was awkward and not in a cute endearing way. I will say, I love that she doesn’t look like she could be related to Buck. I’m willing to see their relationship play out during season 7, but I just can’t see it being the end game.

Marisol: Where did she come from. What do you mean this is the girl that has Eddie acting like a middle schooler. She came out of nowhere and we know almost nothing about her, besides the fact that she fixes her brother’s mistakes.

I rewatched Season 6, Episode 5: Home Invasion, where we are first introduced to Marisol and after watching the episode, I believe the fan theory that her brother’s rescue was originally written as a boyfriend being rescued. But after the scenes where already filmed, the writers decided she’d be the love interest so they re-recorded the audio of the scene. I’m serious go back and watch her emergency, there is something off about it.

Marisol to me feels like another Ana. No substance, no reason for me to care about her. They both barely interacted, so their phone call makes less sense the more you think about it.

The same episode where Eddie is told he can’t look for love, he finds what he’s “been looking for”. This feels like Eddie is again only doing what he thinks he is supposed to do. Instead of processing his feelings of loneliness, he’s doing what he thinks the world expects him to do and date someone. He married Shannon because he felt like he had to. He stayed with Ana because he thought it was best for Christopher. And he’s settling for Marisol because he doesn’t want to be alone. None of those reasons are good reasons to pursue someone for a serious relationship.

It’s one thing to have Eddie date because he wants to be outside his comfort zone, meet people, and have fun. It’s a completely other thing to have him date because he feels like he needs to.

The only way to make Marisol a good character is by having her be a person that helps Eddie figure that out. She helps him realize that it’s not just about the end game, but his ability to just enjoy her company and not so worried about what the end result. She can just be someone he dates because she was fun to date. A relationship that shows him that you can have someone be an important part of your journey, but not your end game. Like a summer fling.

Given the fact that the actress who plays Marisol recently reposted a transphobic meme and couldn’t even attempt a sincere apology, I hope we don’t get to see her at all in season 7. She can be explained away by Eddie mentioning her once and just saying it felt promising but she just wasn’t the one. I have no interest in see their relationship play out.

Buddie: In my opinion, the best match for Buck and Eddie will always be each other. The writers have their relationship set up as the perfect slow burn, friends to lover scenario. And even though they screwed up the finale a bit, they can easily correct their wrongs. Buck and Eddie’s chemistry is undeniable and having them end up together would play into their individual story lines so perfectly.

I need this relationship that has developed organically to flourish in Season 7.

I will continue to manifest Buddie and let me use this moment to state couch theory is not dead. Buck will just need to get rid of another couch.

[kibblemaniac]

april thoughts

just a general "how ive been doing" mostly with my art sense my art is my life

.. i say art is my life, but i havent drawn at all in the past few days lolol. i havent been doing too great this year.

well, im a bit unhappy with the lack of responses the follower survey got, but i guess it makes sense. i promised it would be out in december and i didnt finish it until this month. people probably forgot about it like i did. idk how to lock the survey so if you read this and go look for the link you can still do it, but i probably wont be checking it often. i did get some good info like where most of my followers come from, how i should price my comms, etc etc. if i remember to ill make another one next year with more questions. a lot of people who took the survey said they wanted a discord server. id like to connect with you all but to be honest im a bit hesitant to make something like that because im not very active on discord and am very lazy.

i guess the reason why i havent drawn a lot this year, specifically illustrations, is cuz im lacking a lot of inspo. i just havent been too happy with my art and not really sure why. i figured if i had more inspo id be drawing more, but ive always had trouble paying attention to stuff like movies or shows or stuff like that. and i specify taking inspo from media like that bc i dont want to take too much inspo from other online artists. i think if you take too much inspo from your peers you end up just creating the same stuff over n over, you need a wide range of inspo to create something new. though, that lack of inspiration definitely isnt helped by my pinterest account getting deactivated for no reason! social media addiction is real, ive been having serious pinterest withdrawals lolol. but yeah i have a long list of things i want to read and stuff i want to watch that i havent even scrapped the surface of. will be a long long time b4 i finish that list, and by the time im done ill probably have another list of stuff ready to go.

on the topic of media, the last films i watched were colin armistead's "angelic kitty miracle-chan" and "enternet". armistead's filmwork reminds me of the phrase "art disturbs the comforted and comforts the disturbed". ive seen a lot of backlash for both his kitty film, as well as his previous film "bonehead". i do not agree with people who think mircale-chan is supposed to be "transphobic" or "mean spirited". i found myself in the main character of alex, as someone who enjoys anime and self isolates and is trans, and by the comments on the youtube upload a lot of other people did too. my only critique is that it just didnt live up to my expectations, that just not a lot happened in it. but its a 7 minute student film, so its a bit limited in what it can do anyways. i think if it had a longer run time and went more into depth about alex's life, it would have been much more compelling.

back to art, ive been thinking about it and i think i know why i wasnt able to finish raw!fruit or butterfly in flower garden. i have this tendency to overestimate what i can do, come up with a lot of cool ideas, but am not really great at executing those ideas. i take a while to draw, even doodles can take me like, at least a day or two, so when it comes to larger projects a lot of the time it takes so long i end up noticing flaws in my own work and those flaws make me feel too depressed to finish the damn thing. i think for my first venture into comic work, i should downsize into a oneshot. maybe even practice drawing single page comics before i work on something that requires multiple pages. and it should also be something pretty simple in concept. bifg was supposed to be simple, but i kept thinking of ideas and writing and stuff like that, that it became its own beast. hopefully one day.

on a more personal note, im a bit worried about my future. i made it a new years resolution to get a job this year, and i still havent gotten one 4 months in. i sorta lost interest.. ill try to get one for the summer cuz thats coming up soon, though to be honest idk if ill be able to survive it. i struggle a lot with loud/painful noises, bright lights, social interaction, etc etc... but ill try my best. i might try to do comms if i just cant do it. im graduating high school and turning 18 this year, 2 events im not really looking forward to. part of my brain stills think im a middle schooler, so being reminded that im not is like, idk shocking??? just dont really have much of a plan, not much hope, but ill live anyways.

uhh other stuff thats too small to have their own paragraphs uhhh. i started a new flightrising account, its toasterhair if you want to send a friend request. uhh ive been trying to exercise more, nothing too big just a little bit of cardio to keep my heart beating. i was somewhat more sociable at my last cooking class than i usually am, so yay me thats one of my goals to be more social. and uhh my grandma is gonna teach me how to sew soon hopefully and were gonna fix up this one sweater of mine that has a bunch of holes. thats really all i can think of, hope youre all doing well !

[feistyanimation]

⚠️Beastwars Spoilers⚠️

Hot Take(?)

(Apologies, it’s long)

I honestly think that BlackArachnia and Tarantulas would have made such a cool couple if they didn’t write them creepy (not talking- fun silly Tarantulas creepy)

Cause I can see Tarantulas being oblivious to Blackarachnia flirting with him because he’s a smart guy but he isn’t smart with social interactions

They could have made a fun; partners in crime dynamic, “we’re gonna destroy Megatron and scheme together” type vibe

They don’t even have to be partners, I would’ve been happy with them just being friends and BlackArachnia could be a single girl boss (cause it makes sense with her Beastmode anyway)

I just feel like Tarantulas would have been a better option than the transphobic hypocrite sexist SilverBolt (if you couldn’t tell I personally don’t like that guy)

Speaking of, SilverBolt’s character would have been so much better if he didn’t like BlackArachnia. If he just treated her like everyone else instead of only sparring her because she’s the only woman he’s ever seen. Cause he doesn’t and it’s just really weird and it also completely 180s BlackArachnia’s character. She goes from just vibing to like “man that wolf bot is pretty hot, right?”. Not only that but she lets that man disrespect her?

‼️Side Rant‼️

I absolutely hate how SilverBolt calls BlackArachnia a maximal despite her telling him not to. She literally says that she rather be called dumb than a maximal. That’s how much she hates it. And SilverBolt’s whole logic is “well you were born a maximal so you are one” but he doesn’t say the same thing for Dinobot (predacon Allied with maximals) or QuickStrike, Inferno, Rampage (he was made by maximals to be an immortal predacon killing machine). He only says it to BlackArachnia. I personally think it’s because he can’t grapple the fact he likes a predacon. He’s a noble type character so it seems like he wouldn’t fall for the enemy?

Not only that but he’s a total hypocrite. He’s also a maximal Protoform. But he brings up how he was a predacon for a little bit every time ‘BlackArachnia being a Predacon’ topic comes up. Saying garbage like “I was a predacon, and you forgave me” LIKE NO YOU WERENT! He said that quote about DINOBOT. THE MECH WHOSE BEEN A PREDACON HIS WHOLE LIFE! Meanwhile SilverBolt was a predacon for less than 6 HOURS (assuming he woke up from stasis at midnight and when he switched it was sunrise) and the whole time he complained about it!

Hate that dog so much omg

What makes it worse is that in Season 3 HE GETS WHAT HE WANTS! BlackArachnia almost dies because he went to intervene after being told not to. The only way to save her was getting rid of the predacon chip WHICH SHE WASNT HAPPY ABOUT! Then she is turned into a maximal and the topic is never brought back up again!

AND THIS WAS LIKE 2 EPISODES AFTER SHE DECIDED SHE DIDNT WANT THE PRED CHIP REMOVED BECAUSE SHE WAS HAPPY WHO SHE WAS!

And I know his whole character is the ‘knight in shiny armor’ and he’s purposely dumb. But you can have a fun dumb character that STILL RESPECTS HIS GOTH GIRLFRIEND

Anyways- I need to calm down lol

What was this about again? Spiders? Cool yeah-

✨Back to Regularly scheduled Rant✨

Like yes, BlackArachnia flirted a lot with Tarantulas (which was also uncomfortable, at least for me) but based off her line near the end of season 1, something like “it could be kind of romantic snuggled up close” (not the exact quote but the jest of it) when talking about getting in an escape pod made from a stasis pod. She probably, MIGHT have at least liked him a little? Cause if she is manipulating him it doesn’t make any sense.

When she first started to flirt with Tarantulas, she never gained anything from it. They literally just got Inferno. She said she wanted to make the Protoform serve her to help overthrow Megatron and that she would ‘make a better ruler’. But in doing so she’s also helping Tarantulas get rid of Megatron. Working together and what not. Tarantulas doesn’t want to lead, that isn’t his goal. When given the option to command the predacons by Terrorsaur (S1 EP6) he just left. He put scorponok in charge and went to see where Terrorsaur got his power from. But also the whole ‘flirting’ or whatever she’s doing doesn’t make Tarantulas like her, so if that’s the goal for her manipulation it doesn’t work. She just convinced this guy to get a stasis pod that he was already going to get

Tarantulas is running his own agenda anyway, he has no interest in whatever the other predacons are doing. He’s just a spy for the Predacon Peace Alliance. I think it would have been so cool if BlackArachnia helped him. They are basically just the same character but BlackArachnia is a girl boss and Tarantulas is a nerd.

They would have made a cool spider duo that just schemes together

Why am I ranting about a show that already ended when it isn’t that big of a deal? Because I’m Obsessed lol

Anyway, that’s just my take/rant. I would love to hear people’s thoughts and opinions on this (if you want to of course)

I hope you have a good day/afternoon/night!!

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for defending a teacher in my friend group?

Ok, preface : I've stopped bringing this up because I understand it bothers the friends in question. Also, this might be stupid and me overthinking, but it annoys me.

I (18,he/him) am in first year of college and I've made a few friends. Notably, Dan (18M) and Sarah (18F) - fake names obv. Important detail, we're all French in France and we're doing English studies, so French isn't our first language but we're pretty much all bilingual.

One of our teachers, who I'll call M, speaks only in English during our classes, likely because he's American (he understands French and probably knows how to speak it, but his classes are oral practice ones so it makes sense he'd use exclusively English). During one of our first classes, maybe the second or third week, he told Dan to go sit somewhere else because he was being too loud, and that he'd have to stay sitting away from the friend group until the end of the semester.

Dan is understandably upset by this, not incredibly so but you know. Except this really isn't an injustice, like at all? Dan (and Sarah) is very very loud and speaks a lot, generally not of the topic we're supposed to be discussing during the class, and generally in French. During the class when M told him to move, he told him like 3 or 4 times to speak less loud, speak in English, speak of the subject.

I personally think, as an aspiring teacher, that it was smart of M to immediately move Dan instead of giving him chances upon chances continuously until it was the end of the semester and he had disturbed the class all the way, but again - I understand Dan would be upset.

The problem is that I did defend the teacher to Dan and Sarah, who were very adamant that he was being excessive and should have at least given Dan a second chance. Eventually they questioned why I was so passionate about this and I stopped talking about it.

What makes me annoyed is that when I complained about another teacher for taking his powerpoints off the uni's website (out of annoyment that not a lot of people came to his classes - out of all the classes he's one of the few where there's no attendance and you can just. go) Sarah said that actually he was kind of right, and said I was being stubborn about it (because I complained particularly about the fact that this teacher had like an Italian accent which combined with the shit microphone made it difficult to understand what he says).

I'm also kind of worried about something else about all this : me (and M) are white, and Dan and Sarah are black ; the latter two like to joke saying that M is racist (which idc, it's like when I say someone's transphobic for annoying me or smth it's a joke) and stuff and I'm afraid I'm being unconsciously an asshole and on M's side instead of Dan and Sarah's because M's white or smth. I'm probably overthinking it, I'm not racist, none of my entirely poc friend group has ever told me I was being racist except for a joke (the same kind as said earlier) but y'know.

Even more INFO, I know it might just be a question of me actually being too passionate about this, because I get really bothered about this kind of things especially in scholar situations (I tend to defend endlessly and usually uselessly both students and teachers, but usually more students because I've had a lot of shit teachers). Plus, I want to be a teacher, and I've been told a lot growing up to try and put myself in the teachers' place to understand why they do X or Y. On another note, I absolutely do not reproach being loud to Dan and Sarah, I am very loud without meaning to all the time and I talk a lot all the time.

tdlr; aita for being too passionate about defending my teacher's decision to move my classmate?

What are these acronyms?

[noteoftheturnabout]

apocalypsedykelord

fuck it we ball

WHY THE FANDOM DARLING BASIL BONERATH IS NOT TRANSMASC

1. y'all are projecting onto him because you like him.

wouldn't be that bad on its own, do whatever you want forever (I'm going to grit my teeth and grip my phone so hard my screen almost shatters regardless, but it it was just that I'd leave everyone alone about it). we all know that phenomenon, where queer teenagers will see a character they enjoy and will slap a queer label or two onto them regardless of whether it "makes sense" or not. multiple characters in textually homophobic/transphobic franchises have been headcanoned as gay, bi, trans, you name it. male characters with canon female love interests have been made gay, characters whose childhood we've seen in their canon gender have been made trans, - all because the person making the headcanons either finds making the headcanons themselves extremely fun, or because they love the character they're making the headcanons for so much, they want to see themselves represented in this character. and it's fine! really! good even! trans boys/transmascs who saw basil and fell in love with him at first sight, because you think he's quirky, or amusing, or just extremely funny, or interesting, or well written, (or smart.. or misunderstood... or justified...) and now he's a trans man because you said so - I really have nothing against you. however.

2. transmascs and male privilege.

I'll keep this side tangent that has the possibility of being thousands of words long really brief, because I'm definitely in no way shape or form an expert on this topic. do transmasculine people, trans men in particular, have access to male privilege? I'm leaning no. at least definitely not over cis women. this will be useful going forward.

3. basil bonerath and male privilege!

aka, literally in the next sentence. bonerath's entire character is rooted in male privilege and the entitlement that comes with it. he's canonically misogynistic, and the limited line of archetypes women fall into for him is definitely reflective of that. (him dismissing maya more than phoenix because of her age And gender is also definitely reflective or that). he's canonically an entitled, egotistical, entirely self-centered asshole, who feels like the main character of the universe and that the entire world around him exists as a background prop for his story. I mean. hell. his storyline is about him singling out a woman to be his intellectual equal, only on the condition that he fits his idea of that - a stone-cold, perfectly composed, feelingless and dangerous femme fatale, and then murdering her for falling out of this role and expressing weakness, humanity, vulnerability and dare I say, femininity? his and hanma's storyline is specifically about heteronormative relationships under the patriarchy, or, more broadly speaking, gendered dynamics. can we all agree that this behavior is almost exclusively reserved for men?

which trans men are, but this sense of entitlement is either something you're raised with as an award for conforming to patriarchal masculinity, or in the narrative where basil is transmasculine it would be something he specifically chose. he chose to position himself above women, he chose to act like that after he transitioned, getting the most out of the social capital he has gained, knowing that he can get away with it now. escaping womanhood to reap the privileges of manhood - doesn't it seem like a very weird narrative to you? as a person who can maybe kind of call themselves transmasculine, it deeply irks me on a level I can not explain. of course, it's utterly stupid to complain about somebody's literal headcanon being bad trans representation, but there's just one other reason why the story this provides for basil is bizarre.

4. it justifies him (it doesn't).

what do we have, then, if basil is a trans man - why does he act the way he does? out of desperation to prove himself as a man. he is misogynistic out of dysphoria, placing the reason he's not a woman and doesn't feel like one onto the fact that he's smarter and more ambitious than an average woman. he behaves in outrageous ways that are allowed and encouraged in men in a desperate attempt to fit in with them as a social group, to be seen as one of them, to essentially just prove his gender. him being transgender adds a layer of panic, hopelessness, desperate struggle and tragedy to his story, allowing people if not to justify it, then at least feel bad for him. while the Point is that you shouldn't.

he acts the way he does out of desperation to prove himself, period! prove himself to the world as the person he thinks he is, which is - better than everyone else! he struggles not to gain equality, but to gain superiority! he's already on equal footing with all the other men and he wants more. he's already privileged and he wants more. he wants fame and recognition, praise and adoration, his issue is not that he doesn't get his basic objective dignity and achievements acknowledged. even if he thinks what he's asking for and what he wants is entirely reasonable, even if he thinks he Is oppressed - in being a genuis and not having that acknowledged, not for being transgender. he'd be FINE if he didn't do what he did, even if he doesn't think so and thought he had no choice (waow hanma parallel). if you're looking for tragedy in basil there is none - sorry I have to be the one to break it to you. you are obviously allowed to like him, adore him, be insane about him, etc - I'd just prefer it if you did so while seeing him for what he actually is.

[aliorsboxostuff]

Hello. I've been feeling like shit lately, so, if it's not too much to ask, can you write a trans spider reader with miguel comforting him about his dysphoria and transphobic family? Sfw, please. Thank you so much and I hope you have an amazing day/night.

I'M SO SORRY THIS TOOK A WHILE, I GENUINELY HAVE GOTTEN TOO CARRIED AWAY IN OTHER STUFF BUT I HOPE THIS SUFFICES! Thank you so much for your ask, and I hope when horrible days bring in dysphoria, this fic can help you go through it just a bit ^-^. I hope you have an amazing day/night too! :D 

All That Matters

Tags: Miguel O’hara and ftm!reader, Miguel and male!reader, Miguel and Spiderman!reader, Platonic fic, Platonic relationship, transphobic background, transphobic family, angst, slight angst, angst to fluff, friends, leaving home, being Out and Proud!, Every Spiderman is respectful or else, Miguel is supportive, Miguel is awkward, He tries his best truly, Hurt to comfort, this goes out to all my FtMs!

As if the trauma of getting bitten by a radioactive spider wasn't enough, the resentment your family has towards you for simply being your authentic self adds to the pile of already growing self-hatred. It didn't take much for you to leave your universe and join the Spider Society. One missed anomaly made its way into your world and the next thing you know you're already situated in the many vacant rooms the Spider HQ provides. 

—

Every Spider-Person comes with a tragic backstory. Their uncle or aunt died, they never got the love of their life, they somehow lost their powers amidst a big fight, they lost to a supervillain, etc. And with every spider-person, comes a bag of unhealed trauma and inner conflict that even Therapist Spiderman can't heal. 

In your case, it was your family. As if the trauma of getting bitten by a radioactive spider wasn't enough, the resentment your family has towards you for simply being your authentic self adds to the pile of already growing self-hatred. It didn't take much for you to leave your universe and join the Spider Society. One missed anomaly made its way into your world and the next thing you know you're already situated in the many vacant rooms the Spider HQ provides. The face of your family, shocked and hurt and confused when you pulled down your mask and left them was the last thing you remembered of them. After moving your scarce belongings, you left your universe without looking back through the portal. 

But somehow, the past always bites back.

It had been a shitty week in general. You misplaced your comfortable binder in the laundry basket and shoved it inside the washing machine along with your other shirts, resulting in the fabric shrinking and making it unusable. So you resorted to your other binder, admittedly, the less comfortable one, but that would have to do until you buy another binder with the same soft fabric your soiled one had. It didn't show awkwardly on the outside, under your suit, or whenever you wear casual clothes around the HQ, so you made do. 

Then, a stray anomaly just had to stumble into your original universe, and while you could've told Miguel you wanted to sit this one out, your adrenaline from the last mission an hour ago hasn't faded yet. To be fair, you'd forgotten the place even existed. So, without much more thinking, you jumped into the portal with Miguel leading and do what you do best—Kick some ass.

But of course, the Spiderman luck just had to spoil the fun.

Miguel was throwing punches and you were swinging from one building to another, trying to push down the prying nostalgia as you passed one apartment to the other. It wasn't until you and Miguel got the anomaly webbed up and ready to be transported back to the base did you caught a familiar face in the corner of your eye. With your spidey senses practically shooting up your spine, you turned to look at the end of the road, just peeking behind a building. 

It's your family member. One of them, at least, from the look of shock on their face, jaws dropped to the floor and eyes shaking. You knew it was them when your blood ran cold. Your eyes meet theirs, and you can feel your stomach drop, bile rising instead. You had to physically look away and focus on Miguel instead who was opening the portal before-

They called out. The name pushes down the nausea but instead raises your blood, curdling it through your veins. You feel your hand curl into fists, breath coming out short. They only ever knew your old name- your dead name. After all this time, even after you left, even after they saw you as Spiderman, they will only ever know you as ‘that little girl who left her family’. If your eyes could pierce through your mask, you'd be giving them a withering stare, arms shaking with restrained anger.

“Let's head back,” The portal hums to life. Something in your chest loosens, and you turn to see Miguel hauling the anomaly like a sack, which makes you huff in amusement. The man turns, before he looks over at you. “You okay?”

“Yeah, fine, let's go,” You nodded curtly, letting your muscles loosen. Miguel hums before he enters the portal and you follow behind him. 

Once the anomaly is taken into its cell, you excuse yourself from Miguel and go straight to your room. That rising bile has managed to inch it way closer and you didn't feel like dealing with it at work. Miguel nodded at you and you went on your way, swimming past walkways and other spideys until you reached your quarters. The door slides open after your recognition. The second it closes and locks, you throw off your mask with a growl. It lands near your mirror, just at the foot of it. As you approach it, you notice your reflection, your suit gleams in the afternoon sun, your hair misused from being inside your mask the whole day. You glance over your figure, before you sigh, and head into your bathroom with a shirt and pants in hand. 

When you've changed into your designated oversized shirt and boxers, you were lying on your bed, phone in hand and watching something to get your mind off of the horrible day, a knock alerted you. Then, a voice calls out. “Hey, sorry to bother you, are you in there?”

It’s Miguel, you thought. “Yeah, hold on a sec’,” 

You paused your video and sat your phone down. After sliding to the edge of your bed, you shoot your web at the button that opens your door, and it slides to reveal Miguel in his day clothes. Other than his apprehensive face, his body is trying its hardest to act casually.

“Sorry I-” He takes a breath, his eyes glancing somewhere beside your doorway. “I saw what happened earlier, in your universe.”

A sigh leaves your lips. A soreness suddenly appears on your neck as your jaw locks, before you manage a cough. “Yeah, my bad about that it was-”

“No, I- we didn't know-”

“I should've told-”

“You don't owe me-” With that, Miguel clamps his mouth, before he sighs. You huff out a cut-off laugh before standing and putting your phone on its charging pad, your back against Miguel. “Listen, I don't know what you went through, or how bad it was,”

You turn slightly, eyes cast to your snowy carpet. “But I know no one deserves to be treated the way you were,” 

“If they were the reason you left your universe, I understand. But you're a part of us now, a part of this universe. You’re in the year 2099, we haven't had a problem with transphobes and bigoted people in years, if that makes you feel any better,”

You scoff, blinking the annoying sting behind your eyes. 

“I just want you to know we don't see you any different. We don't see you for your body, your voice, mannerisms, or anything else. What you say your name is, your type of Spiderman, is all that matters. No one pries for no one's business here.” When you raise your head, you find Miguel trying—managing—a small smile, his fang poking out, making you snicker. 

“Lyla told you to do that?” You smirks, before Miguel drops the smile and swipes back a fallen strand of his peppery hair. 

“The smile- yeah, I told her I don't do that. But not… not the rest. I mean that, we all do. It's in the contract,” 

You laugh, and something lifts inside your chest when you what Miguel huff. “Wait- we have a contract?”

“No- never mind that,” He shakes his head, which elicits another chuckle from you. “We don't have a contact but … doesn't make what I said less genuine,” 

It halts your thoughts. A gush of emotions ran through your head, some through your heart which fills it to the brim. You took a breath, once, twice, before managing a solid nod, a small smile on your lips. The man you knew as your boss—the leader, captain, whatever anyone wants to call it—Has always been closed off, doing missions and interacting as needed. You've seen him with Peter B. Or maybe Jessica, but that's all. The fact that he went out of his way, either by his own volition or from Lyla’s pestering, to say what he’d call a ‘supportive’ message, then it worked. Miguel mimics your small smile. He blinks before he leans on your doorway, arms crossed. 

“Anyway, I came to ask if you wanted to join me in the training room. Blow off some steam and all,” 

You answer with a hum. “I guess I could… I’ll get change then,” 

The man nods and moves away from your doorway. Your web dissolves and lets the door slide shut, leaving you in your privacy. You quickly grab your athletic clothes and strip off the shirt and boxers. After putting it on, you find yourself in your mirror reflection. The day hasn't ended yet, but maybe it wasn't so bad after all.

Miguel is waiting opposite your door as it opens. You had your phone and water bottle in hand, and your headphones—One of the only things you brought with you—hung on your neck. “Let’s go,” 

The man nods and walks beside you through the hallway, flicking on his sunglasses as you both make your way to the wider and more crowded walkways. 

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