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crazyinlovewithbucky · 1 year ago

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“In the bedroom, I’ll be screaming but outside, I’ll keep it quiet.”

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x avenger!Reader

Summary: You and Bucky had a sexual relationship and were hiding it from everyone in the team and the compound, making the relationship more exciting for you. Also, you discovered a secret kink Bucky had.

Warnings: smut with very little plot, overstimulation, p in v sex, RUSSIAN NICKNAMES, Soldat kink, Bucky being desperately horny, sex-tape, filming during sex, almost getting caught, praise kink, some degradation kink with name-calling, creampie, breeding kink, marking kink, hair pulling, kind of voyeurism kink??, Steve making appearance and being so sweet and gentle to reader, an odd mention of Pam and Tommy? fingering, finger sucking, fluff, aftercare, Russian praise, too many kinks, I lost track I'm sorry.

This smut was inspired by the song Low by SZA

AU/N: Hey guys, I don't know how to say this but this smut piece is literally written based on a dream I had lol. Hope you enjoy it and I'd like to remind you that English isn't my first language so excuse if I misspelled or mispronounced anything. Enjoy <3.

"Shit, get in. Get in." Your heart skipped a beat, and you got so excited and shy when you saw Bucky standing in front of your door completely naked with nothing but his bathroom robe on, and he opened it wide open as soon as you opened your bedroom door. You held his hand and pulled him in quickly before someone saw him like this. "What the hell are you doing?" You closed and locked the door, turned around to face him, and found his robe now pooling around his feet.

"I just missed you so much, baby doll. Come here." He pulled you by your arms to him and started kissing you hungrily, then he lifted you up in his arms, and you wrapped your legs around him by habit. You kissed him back deeply. "I just couldn't wait until they fell asleep. I need you so badly." He mumbled against your mouth and held you tightly as he turned towards your bed and threw you gently on it. "Clothes off now." He ordered, and you giggled as you didn't have many clothes on. Only your tank top and your panties. You took them off quickly and saw him already moving his metal hand up and down his hardened cock, and it was leaking pre-cum at the sight before his eyes: you, fully naked on your white bed sheets. All his.

He started at your feet, kissing and mumbling sweet words like miss this, miss you, love you, my doll, my perfect girl, and need you, moving all the way up to your calves, knees, and thighs, filling them with kisses and love bites. You smiled at how needy he was, as if you hadn't woken up in his arms this morning as he was fucking you awake, burying his head in your neck, and marking you there. You had to wear a turtleneck sweater all day long in the middle of August because of his marks on your neck, claiming you as his over and over again as he wanted desperately to show everyone that you are his, but unfortunately for him, you had to keep your relationship a secret because you don't want anyone snooping around or middling in that special bond you and Bucky have.

At first, you kept it a secret because you weren't sure if this relationship would work out or not, and if it didn't, you both didn't want it to be a big deal with everyone walking on eggshells around you guys. But to your surprise, it worked out, and it lasted for a whole year. You both thought the reason why it's going so well between you guys is because you're keeping it a secret, so this is why you try to hide it as best as you can, sneaking around and locking doors, making excuses to go on missions together as it feels like a gateway vacation for you both. Of course, you were working and getting your asses kicked, but you always made things up to make it last longer than it did so you could enjoy your time together and go on dates. It wasn't the best plan, but it made you both happy and got you both closer to each other. And all things aside, you both found it so thrilling and erotic to keep it hidden from everyone and sneak around, having quickies in conference rooms, on the quinjets, in Tony and Bruce's labs, in the gym, on the roof, and in a parked SUV. Because sadly, most of the time you both weren't alone; he was either with Steve or Sam, and you were always following Nat and Yelena around. So you both had to take advantage of any time you found yourselves alone in it.

"Take it easy, Soldat. Don't you remember this morning?" You smirked and rubbed his hair while he was kissing and sucking love marks on your inner thighs.

"I love it when you call me that." He chuckled, moved up your body, and kissed you passionately. He devoured your mouth with his. He pressed his body so close to yours, like you were a part of him. Wrapped his arms around you, holding you tightly, afraid you might disappear if he ever let go. You wrapped your arms and legs around him, fearing the same thing. "Want to do nothing except for staying right here, like this, forever, моя любовь" he mumbled, and you moaned against his mouth when you heard your favorite Russian nickname, the one he always whispers in your ear when he tries to tease you in front of people. My love.

He moved his head down and started sucking and biting your nipples, giving each one the proper love and attention they deserve. while moving his hands, lifting your legs up, and bending you in half. You held them up and wrapped them around his torso. He sneaked his fleshy hand down to your cunt and cupped it. Rubbing and opening your lips down there and feeling your arousal soak his hand "All of this is for me, Кукла?" He rubbed your arousal all over your clit, earning some moans and whimpers from you. Then he moved his hand to his mouth and licked his digits clean of your wetness. "Tastes like heaven, as always." He pushed his tongue into your mouth and kissed you like his life depended on it. So passionately, you were slightly getting dizzy.

While getting drowned in his kiss, you felt his cock slowly poking your entrance. He pushed the head slowly inside, and you moaned against his mouth at how hot and hard it felt inside. You felt yourself gushing around him, just for the excitement of feeling his hardened cock filling you up. He moved his kisses to your neck, finding new places there to mark you. He pushed his cock inside of you slowly until he bottomed out, and both of you were moaning messes. You loved hearing him moan and whimper for you as much as he loved hearing the same sounds come out of you.

He picked up a slow and deep pace at first, while his mouth never left yours or your body. You were playing with his hair and moaning his name. "Damn, Bucky. I missed this so much. Please don't leave. I want you, like this all the time." You whimpered in his ear, and you swore you felt his cock twitching when he heard your words. You thought he was going to cum.

"Fuck, Y/N. You're killing me." He breathed hard and started an unrelenting pace, going faster and fucking his cock harder into you. His hand snaked down, and he rubbed quick circles on your clit. You cried out loud and couldn't control your screams and moans anymore. You couldn't handle it any longer, and suddenly, you heard that gushing sound coming out of you. You squirted and came all over his cock. You lost all control of your body, and you felt your walls uncontrollably clenching so hard on his cock. He moaned loudly as he emptied everything he had inside of you; that squelching sound became louder because of your mixed juices, and he couldn't stop fucking everything into you, filling you up, and marking you as always.

You were cut off from your trance by a loud banging on your door, and someone was trying to open your door. "Y/N, are you okay? Open the door." It was Steve, and from the sound of his voice, he was very concerned.

"Fuck, were we that loud?" you panicked and whispered to Bucky.

He chuckled at you and said, "You were that loud, doll, not me." He kissed your cheek while stressing the word 'you'.

Steve kept banging and trying to open the door, saying, "I'm going to break this down if you don't answer me."

"Holy shit," you whispered. "Steve, I'm fine. It's just—II was—Oh." You yelled back to Steve and were cut short because Bucky moved his semi-hard cock and kept fucking his cum into you, very slowly and deeply. "Buck, come on." You moaned quietly, but all this son of a bitch did was raise his eyebrows at you playfully and smirk.

"Looks like Steve will finally find out the slut you've been hiding under your innocent face, doll. And you know Steve loves to gossip with Nat." He smirked and bit your jaw playfully, knowing goddamn well that Steve tells everything to Nat, and Nat tells Yelena, and Yelena has a big mouth and will tell every single one in the compound that Steve saw you being fucked raw by his best friend, and that made you get more startled and out of breath.

"Y/N. What's wrong? Are you sure you're fine?" Steve yelled from the other side of the door.

"Y-Yes, Steve. I- Fuck" Bucky, being the torturous monster he is, he started sucking and kissing that sweet spot in your neck, making you forget you just squirted all over his cock and want nothing but to cum all over his cock over again.

"Don't stop those sweet sounds you make, doll. Let them know who's making you scream like a slut," Bucky whispered in your ear as he never stopped dragging his now-hardened cock in and out of you.

"Y/N?" Steve called. "I'm getting really worried here; I'm breaking down the door."

"No." You yelled loudly. "Stop, please. I'm just having period cramps." You yelled, then put your hand on your face from the embarrassment. Bucky giggled quietly at you, and you hit his shoulder.

"Period?" He smirked at you. "Have I really fucked you stupid already?" He chuckled while smirking at you as his right hand moved to your breast, and he pinched your left nipple playfully, which made you whine at him.

"Really? Do you need anything?" Steve calmed down a bit and asked with a still-concerned voice.

"No, Steve. I'm fine. I have everything I need. Thank you." You breathed out and bit Bucky's shoulder as he couldn't stop giggling and smirking at you.

"Okay. If you need anything, you can text me, I guess." Steve said, and you smiled at his sweetness.

"Will do, Cap. Thanks."

"Why don't you go fuck him instead, huh?" Bucky frowned at you after he pushed all of his length inside and stopped moving.

You rolled your eyes at him and were about to reply back, but Steve's voice stopped you. "Have you seen Bucky, by the way?" He asked from behind the door, and your eyes widened. Bucky smirked and was about to say something loudly, but you smacked your hand on his mouth quickly and flipped him over while his cock was still buried inside of you. You were straddling him now, on top of him, while your hand was still covering his mouth and shushing him.

"No, Cap. Not since dinner. Maybe he's in his room." You tried to stabilize your voice as much as you could as your eyes started to tear up from the burning that Bucky's cock was causing inside of you and your need to fuck yourself on him and cum again.

"He's not. I was in his room right before I heard you, and he wasn't there." He exclaimed. You cursed him and all the gods and everyone at this moment for disturbing your much-needed moment with Bucky like that. "Maybe he's taking a late-night ride or something."

"I was." Bucky mumbled from beneath you, your hand still covering his mouth. You rolled your eyes at him and told him to shut up.

"Anyways, thanks, Y/N. Get well soon. See ya." Steve said, and then you heard him walking away, and you sighed in relief.

Bucky kissed your hand that was covering his mouth, and you looked down at him. You admit he looks so sexy like that, with his messed-up hair, hazy half-lidded eyes, and kind of red cheeks. You removed your hand and kissed him deeply. He flipped you over again, so he was on top of you again and kissing you hungrily.

"I want to try something with you tonight." He smirked and licked his now-swollen lips. He lifted himself up slowly, opened your nightstand's drawer, and took out your vintage video camera. You're not surprised how well he knows its location; he knows every single item in your room like it's his own, as he spends most of his nights here.

The hobby you and Bucky shared and which was the topic of your first-ever conversation was photography. He really loved taking pictures of everything; it was his way of adapting to the new world, and as much as he liked how these new wireless phones had cameras in them, he was old-fashioned and had a nice collection of vintage film cameras. He takes pictures of everything he finds in his way; that was actually recommended first by his therapist, and it had good results for Bucky as he figured out he was passionate about that, so he always had his camera with him. You, on the other hand, had a passion for filming videos and making short movies and vlogs; when you were young, your dream was to be a filmmaker. You chose to be a superhero instead, but no one says you can't make videos and short movies as a hobby. So you always kept your cameras near, and Bucky knew all of their locations.

He opened it and turned it on, pointing the lens at his face and making silly faces to make sure it was recording. You laughed at him and at the silly faces he was making. "What are you doing, Barnes?" You giggled at him and sat up a little.

He smirked and kissed you. "I heard about this show that's based on this celebrity couple that made a sex tape in the 90s, and everyone was freaking out about it."

"Oh, really?" You made a shocked face at him and were playing along as if you weren't the one telling him about that show.

"Yeah. I guess it was a big deal back then." He flipped you over on your stomach as he was kneeling behind you, holding the camera in his hand while filming your naked body.

"Yeah?" You loved this idea but still looked confused and turned your head to face him, surprised he was actually into it.

He pointed the camera at your face and giggled, "Now, we're making one of our own." He raised his eyebrows at you playfully.

"Oh god, Bucky. You are crazy." You laughed and buried your head in the pillow.

"You're the reason, doll. You drive me crazy." He smirked. He grabbed one pillow and put it under your hips to give him easy access to your pussy.

He positioned the camera on the top right of the bed while making the lens focus on your body, and he saw that this was the perfect position from the flipped recording screen of the camera. You made a silly face at the camera and stuck your tongue out, making him laugh behind you. He brushed your hair with his fingers, grabbed it carefully with his hand, and kissed your shoulder. He lined his cock with his other hand at your entrance and pushed himself slowly inside, earning a gasp from you. As he pushed himself all the way inside and bottomed out, he laid on top of you while his grip on your hair tightened, and you arched your back against his chest while moaning out his name.

He started fucking faster into you right away. This position made his cock hit deeper spots inside you, and you could feel him all the way up to your lower stomach, and you knew if you touched it, you'd feel the bulge there. You couldn't wait till you hit your orgasm to see stars and white dots, as you can see them now from how deep he was and how hard he was fucking into you. You can feel his hot breath on the back of your neck, which gave you goosebumps all over, and that made you cry out louder than you already were.

He grabbed your hair harder, pulled your head up from the pillow, and pointed your face at the camera. "Look at the camera, шлюха. Look at yourself being fucked dumb." He whispered in your ear before biting your earlobe and sucking on it. You couldn't control your screams at that point, and you tried your hardest to muffle them on the pillow, but you couldn't because of how Bucky was holding your head up. You were praying silently that no one comes again and disturbs you from being fucked into another oblivion.

His other hand snaked up from your waist to your mouth as he pushed two fingers inside your mouth, and you welcomed them and sucked on them hungrily. You pushed your hips back to meet his hard thrusts, and you didn't know if it would be possible, but he somehow hit deeper, and his cockhead was poking your cervix over and over again. You screamed loudly but were muffled by his fingers in your mouth. Now you know why he let you suck on them in the first place. He doesn't want anyone to hear you either.

Somehow, while he was splitting you in half, your orgasm hit you suddenly like lightning, which made you squirm and shake vigorously underneath him as the overstimulation made you lose all control of your body. You closed your eyes and were tearing up while making all sorts of babbling and incoherent sounds. You didn't notice how hard you were clenching his cock until he was whimpering loudly and shooting his warm liquid inside of you. Filling you to the max. He couldn't handle how hard your soaked walls were clenching his bursting cock, so he pulled it all the way out and continued spurting all of his cum on your cunt and its lips. After your walls relaxed and stopped clenching so hard, he watched how your mixed cum dripped and got out of your swollen and abused hole. He almost drooled at the sight before him, but he proceeded to collect all of that mess between your legs with his fingers and fuck it back into you.

You were too overstimulated and kept squirming and trying to move your hips away unconsciously. "Stop moving, принцесса. We have to make it stick." You were moaning uncontrollably. He pulled his fingers out and licked them clean. He started kissing you all over, starting at your ass cheeks and moving up to your shoulder, neck, and eventually your lips.

You tried to kiss back but couldn't because you wanted to breathe more. He smiled and kissed your cheek, grabbed the camera, and stopped recording. He put it again in the drawer, saying, "We can watch that later. Now, let's get you all cleaned up, котенок" He flipped you over on your back again and was going to hold you up, but you stopped him.

"In a minute, please." You yawned, grabbed his hand, and pulled him next to you on the bed. "You killed me, Barnes. At least give me a moment to relax." You hugged him tightly and slept on his chest with his arms wrapped around you.

He chuckled, "If I gave you a minute, Y/L/N, you'll fall asleep, and we need to get cleaned up first." He rubbed your hair and massaged your scalp slowly, trying to ease it from how hard he was pulling your hair before.

"No." You mumbled and hugged him tighter.

"At least, let me clean and change the bed sheets. It's all wet and sticky because of you." He giggled at your childish behavior and tried to get up, but you held him so tightly.

"No." You whined and pouted your lips.

"Come on, doll. I'll make you a hot bath and let you nap a little in it." He drew circles on your arm and kissed your head. He tried to get up again, and you let him.

"Fine. Only if you put that lavender oil in it." You smiled lazily at him and let him hold you up, and you rested your head on his shoulder while he took you to your private bathroom.

"Все для моей принцессы." He kissed you deeply, then sat you on the sink and cleaned you up with a wet cloth after he turned the hot water on in the tub and put some lavender oil in it, waiting for it to be filled. He sat you in the tub gently as he cleaned himself up, wrapped a towel around his hips, and went to clean and change the bedsheets. He came back to the bathroom and saw you napping quietly in the tub. He smiled to himself at how beautiful you looked and went to the bedroom, grabbed one of your Polaroid camera, and took a picture of his sleeping beauty in the bathtub, looking so angelic. He took off the towel and joined afterwards. He sat behind you and made you rest your head on his chest and sleep on him as he kept rubbing your hips and waist from the bruises he caused earlier from grabbing you so hard and tight.

You woke up the next morning in his arms, in clean and fresh bedsheets, both of you smelling like lavender and wearing clean and soft underwear. You kissed his lips softly, and he opened his eyes slowly and smiled at you. "Good morning, Soldat." You kissed him again, and he kissed back.

"It's always a good morning when I wake up with you in my arms, моя любовь" he smiled and kissed you again. "I love you." He locked eyes with you and held your face with his hand while rubbing his thumb on your cheek.

"I love you," you said back, and you pressed your lips to his, kissing him deeply. Never in your life did you think you'd find true love and connection with someone. But here you are, absolutely head over heels for this man in front of you.

fin

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моя любовь = "my love" Все для моей принцессы = "anything for my princess" котенок = "kitten" принцесса = "princess" шлюха = "slut" Кукла = "doll"

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peeweekey · 6 months ago

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everyone adores you (at least i do)

pairing: sam x reader

wc: 1.1k

tags: CHEEEEESY cheesy cheesy puppy love, mutual pining, sam is PATHETICALLY down bad, pre-relationship, abigail and sebastian mentioned, friends to lovers

synopsis: if it were up to sam, he'd spend every second of everyday at your side.

a/n: in all of my other sam fics, its reader embarrassingly in love with him...he gets a taste of his own medicine here lol!

With vanilla ice cream melting and dripping down your fingertips, coarse sand underneath you and the salty ocean waves lapping at your feet; you are a child again, sitting with your grandpa at the docks, watching as he reeled in a ‘big one’. Filling his bucket with loads and loads of fish.

Those days are far gone now, but the memory remains, as clear as the day you remember it. The feeling is nostalgic, sleepy in the way your senses are dulled by syrupy thick contentment. Beaches at sunset have that effect on you, you suppose.

“This is fun,” Sam says, tone lacking its boisterous loudness, you almost don’t hear it over the sound of crashing waves. “I had a lot of fun today, farmer.”

Your eyes flicker to him, his green gaze dead-set on the peachy golden sky, the taste of sea salt mingling with sweet ice cream heavy in your tongue. The sea breeze is cold, whipping against your face and running through your hair.

“I did too,” you agree. “Y’know, I don’t get a lot of off time with the farm and stuff. This is a nice change of pace.”

He smiles, that sunshine smile you’ve come to associate with Sam. “I caught you at just the right time then, huh?”

You shrug, your own smile mirroring his. “Auspicious.” He did.

The sun is setting, the day is coming to a close yet Sam wishes it wouldn’t, silently pleading with any higher being to somehow stretch time. He is barely a religious person, but the weight of his want is enough to transcend his own beliefs. Every second with you barely feels like enough; like sand slipping through his fingers.

One thing’s for certain, Sam isn’t going to just let it end here.

“We should hang out like this again,” Sam says, a little hurriedly, captured all in one breath. Shy and tentative, like a bashful child with a school crush. “Uh, I mean, do you? Wanna? Hang out with me?”

You can barely suppress a delighted chuckle from slipping past your lips, your chest warming with fond affection. “I’d be more than happy to. Yoba knows I need a break or two or I’ll actually explode,” you huff while Sam hums in agreement. “We can even invite Abigail and Sebastian… so can demo that new song for me, I see you all working very hard when I visit sometimes.”

He should be happy to hear that; that you’d be more than happy to spend your precious off time with him out of all people. You and him, him and you, Sam and the farmer. Your name connected to his with ‘and’, it makes him giddy, causes his cheeks pinken and pinken.

Just the two of you, though. Sure, he loves his friends, Abby and Seb have been with him since day one. But it feels out of place—

(Sam, Sebastian, Abigail and the farmer doesn’t have that ring to it…)

“Yeah, I—I dunno, it’s just…”

The unfiltered truth is stupid, at least to him. Vincent is far too young for some of the things Sam longs to say. There’s a reason Abby and Seb hang out under his nose, he won’t blame them, they have their own secrets he isn’t privy to—too serious, too dull for him.

(And now with you, he thinks you might just be the one he can share his own secrets with. Because even he has his own serious, dull thoughts. Thoughts that he doesn’t want brushed away with a snarky remark or a sarcastic laugh.)

“I kinda like that it’s just the two of us?”

His voice sounds unsteady, squeaky. Trailing off at the end, lost in the sound of water crashing at your feet. Phrasing his statement into a question that you could deny, that you could easily brush off—because if you did, he would too.

(It would be a bummer if you did though, but Sam is cool with that, chill with any decision you make. Really, he totally is.)

You grin, bumping your shoulder against his, your ice cream is dripping down, down, down your knuckles. Once your skin meets his, you don’t pull away, you press closer and closer to his side. Leaning your head against his sunburnt shoulder—but he barely registers the sting—and your arm against his own. It’s a pleasant weight, having you against him—grounding and tethering him to you.

“I do too. Like it, I mean. I think I get to see so many other sides to you, Sam. Without the others and all that.”

Sam feels his breath hitch, his cheeks flush even pinker even with the sunburns. “Woah, phew, I mean—awesome… When, when do you think we can meet next?”

You tilt your head, running calculations through your mind. You’re very busy on that farm, he knows; but Sam can’t help but keep his hopes up, you’re fun company. Maybe the best he’s had yet.

“I know I won’t have enough time until my melons are ready for harvesting—and don’t you dare try making a joke about that,” you smile, wide and cheeky. Right as Sam readies an innuendo at the tip of his tongue; it makes his blood pump faster and his breathing stutters at the thought of you knowing him so well.

“So how about this?” you propose slowly. “We spend one day every month doing all the stuff we wanna do, together. just you and me—fun right? I’ll even sleep a little earlier the night before.”

Sam bites into his ice cream—chocolate and your treat, at your insistence—though he isn’t quite sure if the immediate smile on his lips is due to its sweetness, or yours.

He leans closer into you, resting his head on top of yours, strands of your hair tickling his lips. Lowering his voice into a whisper so only you can hear.

(The secret is that you make Sam want. Want, want, want like he’ll never get sick of it. He hoards these stolen moments with you so greedily yet wants more.)

“…two days, two days each month.”

He feels your body shake with the strength of your laughter, warmth swirls all throughout his body, tingling wherever your body brushes against his own. Sam finds that he likes the feeling, the buzz of it—it’s addicting.

“Yeah, alright then,” you reply, mirth dripping from each and every word. “two days. We have a deal. Better?”

“Yeah,” he turns back to face the water, the ocean spray misting his face. “Yeah, a lot better. That does sound fun.”

Anything sounds fun when it involves you.

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meanbossart · 8 months ago

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Another much overdue ask compilation! Some short-ish lore asks (Gale, Gort, DU drow relationships and pet-companion preferences) and a couple of art/advice ones sprinkled in. THIS IS BY NO MEANS ALL OF MY ASKS so as usual I appreciate everyone's patience!

I actually think he'd give them a pass entirely as soon as he noticed. Correct me if I'm mistaken but half-drow get No love from underdark drow and are usually surface babies right? So that fruit is miles away from the tree lol. I think he generally has a bit of a soft spot for mixed kinds since he himself feels like an amalgamation of sorts.

Thank you! They're kind of a pain in the ass to draw at times for that very reason but man I do like the look 😩if other people like it too then that makes it all worth it!

THAT'S TRICKY TO ANSWER BECAUSE OFTEN TIMES I'M NOT... REALLY TRYING. I've draw a ton of horror comics for mine and my partner's series' SAD SACK and SORTIE, so I think it just comes naturally to me 😅 also I do genuinely find expressive and, uh, rugged faces more attractive? (I think they look rugged, again that's what people tell me at least.)

I think the secret might be adding bits of realism in there. I get a lot of comments about the wrinkles and eyelashes I add to my art, as well as the way I draw individual teeth (though I've lately been making an effort to simplify my style in favor of drawing faster, so I haven't done that as much or in as much detail.)

Both symmetry and the lack of it can also add to that effect. I have employed both facial unevenness and almost point-perfect symmetry to achieve something a little frightening or otherworldly in my work. [MORE UNDER THE CUT]

Thank you so much!!! The contrast is very much intentional, that's what DU drow's character is all about ;)

Hahah well I somewhat doubt Bhaal would care that his spawn gets named, but either way he stripped himself of his name as soon as he killed his foster parents and abandoned the Underdark. He had a drow name that I jotted down somewhere but it's completely irrelevant because nobody has used it since he was a child, and he doesn't remember it (even pre-tadpole/having his brain scrambled.) Here's a little write up about his origins that might shed some more light on that: https://meanbossart.tumblr.com/post/739688837431836672/did-drow-ever-have-a-childhood-before-the-temple

And about his original drow-given name and the reason behind it: https://meanbossart.tumblr.com/post/741350986692591616/drow-had-to-have-been-given-a-name-by-his-adoptive

Everyone just referred to him as his supposed race, or as Bhaalspawn or Bhaal's child, and any other similar titles. Orin called him "kin" and "brother" and Gortash likely called him his associate. Post-tadpole the camp grows entirely used to calling him "the drow" and he has no desire to change that or to choose a proper name.

THANK YOU BOTH SO MUCH😭 no reason to be intimidated, I'm just some rando drawing BG3 fan art LOL I've been drawing since I was a child, and started taking it semi-seriously when I was 16 years old, so twelve years ago! That's around the time where I got my first non-display tabled and used that well into my twenties, prior to that I only did stuff on paper and liked to do inks color with pencils. I never really ventured into traditional painting at all except for a little bit of water-coloring in college.

Traditional and Digital art are very much different beasts. Which one you want to start with is, in my opinion, just dependent on what you want to do. Digital art gives you a lot of tools that makes learning easier, but you might find yourself having much steeper of a learning curve if you ever decide to do traditional art instead. If you want to be good at both, you need to practice both, since the skill doesn't entirely translate from one medium to the other.

Naturally you will be able to draw well on either, it's just... Different. I will say though, that I think if you're still learning you should use whatever allows you to look directly at what your hand is doing, so either traditional or display tablet/Ipad. I have no idea what a non-display tablet would do to a beginner, but remembering my experience with it I feel like it might be a huge detriment to developing the skill (feel free to share your experiences in the replies if you disagree, as I would definitely be curious to read them!)

YOU KNOW ME BABY IT WAS MESSY AND COMPLICATED the tldr.: is that they were "buddies", absolutely no romance intended there on either mine or DU drow's part, but due to his nature the friendship was extremely weird.

Here's a couple of replies where I go into more detail about it: https://meanbossart.tumblr.com/post/739191190871818240/i-dont-have-a-particular-question-in-mind-sorry

https://meanbossart.tumblr.com/post/744952815768764416/so-not-sure-if-youve-covered-this-but-i-thought

That's definitely reserved for the vamp LOL DU drow very much enjoys when Astarion teases and fusses over him, and while Astarion probably got a kick out of acting that way around such a big and scary looking guy at first, I think by "now" (later and post-game) he's pretty much immune to DU drow's looks and just enjoys doing it in earnest.

He's not at all averse to being touched (even rather intimately) by close friends, but he wouldn't be quite THAT vulnerable with anyone else.

HE REALLY DISLIKED GALE... He irked him out by seemingly fostering a rather persistent romantic interest in him for at least half the time they spent together (very much based on my interpretation of their in-game interactions at the time, though my Gale might have been a little bugged.)

But also they had a... Fairly in depth relationship still? Gale was a staple in my party, and even though I antagonized him constantly by the end of the game it still felt like they had so much weight in each other's lives, if that makes sense. I might need to do a bit of an "update" on the DU Drow/Gale lore sometime, I feel like I've had some thoughts since that warrant more exploration of their dynamic (you can find a lot of old asks about it if you just search the Gale Dekarios tag in my blog though).

The gist of it is that DU drow found him arrogant and duplicitous, his constant optimist irritated him to no end and felt like it veiled a stream of self-pity (two things DU drow despises) Gale's attempts to get through to him only added insult to injury. By the end of the game he decided to pursue the crown of Karsus and this only lost him even more respect in Drow's eyes, seeing as he doesn't value godly power at all.

I was pretty overwhelmed by the game at the start so I actually missed a lot LOL including Scratch. I did get the owlbear cub though, which DU drow gladly welcomed into camp since it was injured - but I think he would have wished for it to remain a wild animal and to return back to it's home after it had grown up a bit. He didn't really make a "pet" out of it more than he just looked after the little guy in the way it's mother might have, probably with Shadowheart's help.

He wouldn't be opposed to proper pets though if one were to stumble into his life. He'd definitely be more of a cat guy because of their independence and strong little attitudes.

It is very hard to build proper rapport with him. He will be "friendly" to most people who have a good sense of humor about them, but friendSHIP is another thing entirely.

I think it's kind of circumstantial. He's very economical in his relationships and doesn't really seek them out at all - so a situation where he's forced to be in someone's company might be the only way to develop a bond with him, as he doesn't appreciate insistence either and that's more likely to push him away. He doesn't value status or titles either (kind of looks down on them really) so that won't help.

I think he just likes people who are true to themselves and their nature, sometimes even if the nature is one he disagrees with at it's core. This is why he liked Gortash, why he and Shadowheart got along so well, and why him and Astarion fit together so seamlessly despite seeming so different. Likewise I think it's why he didn't jive with people like Gale or Wyll, because they seemed to be rather... Dishonest with themselves and their own end-goals.

#ask compilation #DU drow lore #ask

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baronessvonglitter · 5 months ago

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Cherry, Cherry 🍒 Chapter 8 🍒

"Fooled Around and Fell in Love"

pre-outbreak! AU!Joel Miller x f!Reader

Word count: 1,807

Summary: a mini getaway brings you closer to Joel, and you reach a new level of your budding relationship.

WARNINGS: 18+ Only! Mature and Explicit, age gap (reader is 18, Joel is 35), adult language, brief mention of someone unaliving herself (told in a local legendary tale), breast/nipple play, thigh riding, hand job, mutual confessions of love, reader's race not mentioned, takes place in summer 2003, no use of y/n

Author’s Note: I admit I don't know much about the terrain of Austin that well, but Mount Bonnell is real as is the Colorado River, so any mistakes are my own and purely for fictional purposes anyway. The legend that Joel tells the reader is very loosely based on a story my grandfather told me when I was a kid. I once went on a date with a guy who took me to a cemetery because he thought it was a romantic place, and that gave me the idea for Joel telling that downer story lol. If I missed any tags please let me know!

Series Masterlist

You're on cloud fucking nine.

No one has ever made you feel this way, as if you're brand-new, abundant with promise, with new chances. The little moments you spend with Joel are marked upon your young heart. And you do spend little moments together: he comes by the cafe for coffee before work or after, and the times you hang out with Sarah at the Miller house, you find that Joel hangs out as well, adding himself as an awkward part of the group, until Sarah asks him to leave. You have to hide your smile when he leaves, or risk your secret being blown.

One late Saturday afternoon he picks you up from work in his truck. It's a June night in the Texas hill country, and the sun sets its last golden rays of the day down upon the deep green hills on the horizon. The windows are down, radio blasting Neil Diamond tunes, especially since Joel has turned you on to his music. One of his hands is on the steering wheel and the other is in your lap. You trace the lines in the roughness of his palms, trace each broad finger, wonderingly, and when you look up you see the effect you have on him. Joel is turned on by any little way you touch him.

"Where are we going?" you ask, though honestly you could be driving to Hell itself and it would be just fine with you.

"Just wanna be alone with you for a little bit, sweetheart. Is that okay?" He looks over at you and you know you can't resist those deep brown eyes, the way the lines around them crinkle when he smiles.

"Fuck yeah," you grin, eliciting a wide smile from him.

He drives you up to Mount Bonnell, where you've never been, and your heart gallops to think that you're finally going to be alone with him. He drives you about halfway then insists on hiking the rest of the way.

"Joel, I've been on my feet all day," you pretend to pout at his suggestion.

"I'll carry you if I have to," he says with a wicked gleam in his eye. "But I do want you to see the view from up there." He offers his hand and you take it without delay.

Even though there's almost a twenty year age difference between you, you notice that Joel is quite agile, but you keep up with him, laughing at the freedom of the moment. His hand rests on your lower back when you slow down, and brings you close to his side, stopping for you to have a drink of water. "The view will be worth it, I promise," he says in that deep drawl you love so much.

And when you do reach the top, wiping the sweat from your forehead with your arm, the view takes your breath away. The evening sky is azure, with pink and violet cotton candy clouds stretching to infinity, and the earth touched with tinges of tangerine. Below, the Colorado River flows serenely. You and Joel stare in wonder: you watch the view and he watches you. His hand is in yours, and he pulls you close for an embrace. "It's gorgeous," you say at last.

"Not as gorgeous as you," he says with a twinkle in his eye. He leads you to sit upon a rock in the shade of an oak tree. "There's a legend about this place, that in the 1830s there was a young woman who leapt to her death to avoid being captured by men who'd killed her fiance."

You raise your head from where you'd been leaning on his shoulder. "That's actually pretty sad."

He nods solemnly. "Yeah.. I maybe should've saved that story for later."

You giggle and elbow him. "You really know how to ruin a romantic mood, old-timer."

"So you admit you're having a romantic time?" He brings his lips to your ear.

"I was," you retort.

"How can I remedy that?"

"Ten grand would do it, for my mental anguish," you continue the banter.

"Your check's in the mail," he says, his lips now on the soft part of your neck below your ear.

You let his kisses travel down your neck, giggling lightly at ticklish feel of his mustache on your sensitive skin. His hands wander across your chest, gently lifting your shirt to find the satin-smooth cups of your bra. Your breath hitches and your eyes flutter shut despite the stunning view before you. His fingers dip beneath your bra, his thumb grazing your nipples, softly teasing them to hardness. When you sigh he catches your lips in a kiss, his tongue tasting your mouth as your arms wrap around his neck. Your hand encourages his own under your shirt, and he squeezes your breast, eliciting a moan from your sweet lips.

A sudden rainstorm sweeps through, starting to soak both of you.

"Truck," you say breathlessly, both of you scrambling to your feet to get back to the vehicle. You shriek when he lifts you up, your legs wrapped around his waist as he brings you to the truck. Once inside, you're both wet, but you don't care, reaching for each other again in the dry safety of the truck that's become your only getaway for your secret romance.

In a blur of lust you take off your damp shirt, reveling in the carnivorous look on Joel's face. Next come off your shorts, and Joel's breathing becomes all but labored. Just in your panties and bra you kiss him, slowly, savoring his taste as his hands grip your waist. "I need you," you moan, and the excitement between you becomes electric. You climb onto his lap, writhing against him.

The rain beats down on the truck as the two of you discover each other, tasting the raindrops on each others' skin. Joel's shirt is off, his jeans pulled down. "There's something I want ya to do for me," he says.

A thousand thoughts come to mind. It could be anything. "And that would be..?"

"Take off your panties. I want to feel you, hot and wet on my thigh while I suck your nipples."

He has a way of saying things that make your insides light up, your cunt clenching as if he's already in there.

He holds you close, his large hands roaming your waist and your hips. "Is that okay?"

"Yeah," you whisper. Keeping your eyes on him you remove your panties, sliding the fabric down your legs, tossing them to the floor of the truck. His hungry gaze goes to the V where your thighs meet, and he guides you to his thigh, groaning when your hot wet cunt settles on his skin. You feel why he would like this, and begin to move a little to ease the ache he's built up in you. He lets you do as you wish, whatever makes you feel good.

"That's good," he whispers his seductive encouragement. "Just rub yourself on me, sweetheart. Fuck yourself on me."

Your eyes close and with your arms around his neck you move, seeking that friction on your clit that will make you see stars. And just as you get into a nice rhythm Joel reaches behind you and deftly removes your bra, gently moving the straps down your arms as you drop them to your sides. When he uncovers your breasts his breath hitches. He cups them in both his wide palms, rubbing his thumbs over your nipples as he did earlier, and bringing his lips to each puckered pebble, then lapping his tongue over one while softly tweaking the other, testing your limits, grazing your delicate flesh with his teeth. The faster you move the harder he pulls at you, his hands splayed on your back, keeping you pressed to him.

You palm him through his underwear, familiarizing his shape with your hands. His girth and length are intimidating, but in this moment you don't have to worry about taking him inside of you. Not yet. You stroke him as he removes himself from his briefs, loving the groans he makes, the way his cock seems to grow harder by the second, jerking under your touch. You use the beads of precum on his tip to lubricate him, caressing him with longer, stronger strokes.

The car windows fog up with the steam of your gasps and sighs. You grab at the back of his head, cradling it to you as he continues worshipping your breasts.

"Joel! Joel!" you whisper his name in a frenzy of euphoria, and then his thumb is on your clit, pressing gently, flicking, moving with you until you come, hips twitching as you convulse. At the same time you feel him come, his semen spilling over onto your hand, thick and warm. He smiles when he feels you've also left your own traces on his skin.

In those hazy moments after, you rest your head on his chest and he kisses your hair. The small space of the truck is scented with your musk and sweat. It's peaceful, and you feel closer to him than ever. Though you haven't technically had sex yet, you feel your innocence being chipped away at, and it's exciting. For the first time you're in control of what you do.

"You can't be real," he says, his voice breaking the silence that blankets you both. "You gotta be some fantasy that I dreamed up, or some kinda angel."

"I am. You died and this is heaven," you joke, kissing his neck.

You don't even hurry to get dressed. The rain has slowed to a drizzle but there's no rush for you to leave.

"You comin' over tonight? Thought maybe we could watch a movie.. you, me, and Sarah."

"Really? I'd like that." You love the sweetness he has after the intense passion you've just shared.

"I gotta drop you off at your car. Once I'm able to catch my breath, and once I've got feelin' back in my legs I'll drive you back."

You chuckle, kissing along his collarbone. "But what if I'm not done with you yet?" Oh, the scent of his skin drives you wild.

"Jesus, sweetheart," he chuckles low. "I think I love you.."

You look up quickly, your body buzzing with excitation, disbelief daring to poison the beautiful night you've just had. "You.. what?"

His eyes are soft as he cups your face, gently brushes your hair from your face. He studies every feature, committing everything to memory. "I. Love. You." He emphasizes each word with a kiss: on your forehead, nose, lips.

It's the first time you've ever heard it said to you, and the first time you've ever felt it right to say it back. "Joel Miller, I love you too.."

<- prev chapter

next chapter ->

divider by @saradika-graphics 👑

#joel miller #pedro pascal #joel miller smut #joel miller x reader #pedro pascal characters #joel miller x you #joel smut #joel tlou #joel miller fanfic #joel miller tlou #joel miller x female reader #joel miller x f!reader #pedro boys #pedro pascal fandom #pedro pascal character smut #pedro pascal characters fanfiction #pedro pascal character fanfiction #pedro pascal cinematic universe

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branwendaughterofllyr · 1 month ago

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Hey, thanks for answering my previous questions so thoroughly! :D Since you mentioned Oldgon feeling a certain way about Vaemond's fate, I was wondering how he would react to Daemon and Rhaenyra's secret marriage. I particularly love the dynamic between Oldgon and Daemon in the flashbacks. Obviously, Daemon is a jerk, but I really liked how he was the only one against Oldgon's departure for the Citadel. Not going into spoiler territory, but I think a lot will happen in Oldgon's life before Rhaenyra and Daemon's marriage. I don't have words to say how much I loved Oldgon and Aemma's friendship! You've given more substance to her character before her terrible fate and marriage to Viserys, which makes it all the more tragic and saddening. I wonder if Viserys will talk with Oldgon about Aemma in future chapters, and what he did to her. I also appreciate how you took liberties to explore pre-Dance events since it's such a juicy and underdeveloped part of the story. I'm all for the messy family drama!

Moving on to another subject, I love that you're also a Sansa fan! While she's not underrated, I think she gets an unfair amount of flak in the fandom and among the general audience for things that weren't her fault, especially in 'A Game of Thrones'. "My skin has turned to porcelain, to ivory, to steel" still hits really hard. What is your favorite Sansa chapter and quote? As a JonSa fan, what do you think would be the dynamic between Sansa and Aemond? Do you think it would have any similarities to JonSa's?

Also, I know this has been a controversial topic, but how do you feel about Rhaenicent? I noticed you've tagged this pairing in 'a poison tree' as a past relationship. I was wondering how it will impact the story in future chapters, since I don't know if Alicent and/or Criston would tell Oldgon about their complicated past with her.

Oh gosh, Daemon and Rhaenyra’s marriage is going to be a big turning point in the future. There are several important events to cover before we get there, and I don’t want to spoil anything but it…. It does indeed change a lot for Oldgon.

Daemon and Aegon have a deeply ~complicated~ relationship, mainly because Daemon has big youngest child energy, and now he’s stuck as the middle sibling and he is Not Pleased.

The way I think about them, is that Daemon kinda expected an extension of his relationship with Viserys when it came to Aegon, if that makes sense. Daemon really adores Viserys, and I think he had this almost hero-worship thing towards him when they were young, and I think he kind of expected something similar for himself from Aegon. That was supposed to be his mini-me, his playmate, his built in new best friend. And in many ways, Aegon is actually fairly similar to Viserys, rather than Daemon, and was a pretty quiet kid and not up to a lot of Daemon’s roughhousing. He was much closer with Aemma and Gael, and was bit more on the “feminine” side as a child. He was very much a bookish day dreamer, and wasn’t interested much in things like hunting or sparring. I’ll explore this more in depth later, but I think Daemon felt an obligation to teach Aegon masculinity, and Aegon wasn’t really into that, and their relationship suffered for it. And Daemon did very much love Aegon and was sorry to see him go, but he didn’t always have the means to express it in a healthy way. (I have a small working headcanon about Daemon’s relationship with Viserys having a heavy sexual aspect, that’s further reflected with Rhaenyra, and his relationship with Aegon being more based in violence….. so yeah, you’ll see some of that lol

And Aemma and Oldgon…. Just thinking about Aemma makes me sad tbh. She lived a deeply tragic life from the start, and she seemed to have been a very sweet person as far as I can tell. I think she and Oldgon were kindred spirits in a lot of ways, and even though he’s never been able to articulate it even to himself, I think she was his first love, really. Obviously nothing could come of it, so they remained deeply close friends instead.

Will Viserys and Oldgon talk about what happened to Aemma? Well….

Let’s just say that’s coming.

I’ve actually been thinking of redoing my tags and removing Rhaenicent from them. To me, it’s fairly easy to read between the lines and see that Alicent and Rhaenyra both are still dealing (or failing to deal) with their past friendship and feelings, but Oldgon is never really going to catch onto them. And Criston and Alicent are never going to talk about both their pasts with Rhaenyra to Aegon, but I think they will hint at it? Idk.

(My favorite Sansa quote probably is “A pure world, Sansa thought. I do not belong here. Yet she stepped out all the same. Something about it… “she stepped out all the same”….. CHILLS)

My controversial opinion is that I don’t think Aemond and Sansa suit each other at all. I’ve read the odd Aemondsa fic and enjoyed it, but they’ve just got wildly different vibes, and I don’t think either of them would find the other particularly attractive or fulfilling. It’s just not for me, I think there’s a certain fandom bicycle effect in here lol. I really don’t think it’s comparable to Jonsa, Jon and Aemond are just…. So different.

#branwen answers #a poison tree

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bloodwr4th-a · 1 month ago

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✿ ( lol this seems almost incongruous for them now! )

PRE-ESTABLISHED RELATIONSHIP MEME 0.2. over a year ago, i made this meme & since then, it’s blown up. so, over a year later — i thought i would make a new one. so here it is, after several requests & a pile of brains, THE PRE-ESTABLISHED RELATIONSHIP MEME 0.2 send me a ✿ and i’ll fill out the template below. bold for things i could definitely see or want, italics for things i could see or am unsure of and striked out for things i don’t want or cannot see.

FRIENDSHIP. childhood friends / work buddies or coworkers / family friends / friends with benefits / smoking buddies / adventure buddies / fake friends / recently friends / party buddies / friendship of need / dying friendship / circumstantial friendship / partners in crime / old friendship / [ your muse ] is the good influence / [ nausi ] is the bad influence / [ my muse ] is the good influence / [ kol ] is the bad influence / opposites attract / ride or die / frenemies / roommates or flatmates / penpals / exes to friends / enemies to friends / other

ROMANCE. childhood sweethearts / [ your muse is mines ] childhood crush / [ my muse is yours ] childhood crush / exes / exes to lovers / forbidden lovers / highschool sweethearts / secret relationship / opposites attract / long distance ( when he is in his coffin, rip ) / unrequited [ from your muses side ] / unrequited [ from my muses side ] / unrequited [ from both sides ] / skinny love / friends to lovers / enemies to lovers / spurious relationship / power couple / newly entered / soulmates [ metaphorical ] / soulmates [ literal ] / awkward / turning toxic / toxic love / cheating [ on your muse ] / cheating [ with your muse ] / other

FAMILIAL. siblings [ half ] / siblings [ step ] / [ my muse ] is an older sibling figure to your younger sibling figure / [ my muse ] is a younger sibling figure to your older sibling figure muse / [ my muse ] is a parental figure to yours / [ my muse ] is a child figure to your muse / guardian figure / legal guardian / adoptive child / foster child / [ your muse ] is taken under mines wing / [ my muse ] is taken under yours wing / other

ANTAGONISTIC. dangerous to each other / dangerous to others / unpredictable / rivals / petty / developing into sexual or romantic tension / based off family matters / based of off circumstance / based of professional matters / based off misunderstanding or lies / conflict of ideology / betrayal / hero - villain dynamic / enemies / fight club / friends turned enemies / lovers turned enemies / exes turned enemies / other

@wickedslip. In conclusion, they are soulmate and like yeah; power couples here. sorry, not sorry.

#i'm loving them ur honor #they are indeed my life now #not turning back #re. wickedslip. ⁝ if we’re diving in the deep end : i need to share all of my demons.#wickedslip #in character. : answered.

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wonderofasunrise · 8 months ago

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20 questions for writers

Thank you for the tag @everybodyknows-everybodydies <3

How many works do you have on AO3? 37 so far in almost four years!

What's your total AO3 word count? 71,414.

What fandoms do you write for? ER and Star Trek, mostly Voyager but also a bit of The Next Generation.

What are your top five fics by kudos? No Matter What Gets Damaged (Star Trek: Voyager, B'Elanna Torres/Seven of Nine) - I wrote this for the 2023 MILFic Exchange, and this is my only multi-chapter fic so far! It's mostly B'Elanna/Seven fluff about how their relationship develops into something more, and I'm quite proud with how it turned out 😁 A Room of Broken Light (Star Trek: The Next Generation, Beverly Crusher/Jean-Luc Picard) - It's set post-"Sub Rosa" - which is one of the show's campiest and most infamous episodes (and a personal favourite of mine) that involves, among others, a Scottish sex ghost for those not in the know - and despite its campiness there's this exchange between Beverly and Picard that really made me go, "AH, THE FEELINGS!" and thus this fic was born! When the Night Turns Over (Star Trek: Voyager, B'Elanna Torres/Seven of Nine) - I wrote this for Star Trek Femslash Week 2023, and it's just a short pre-relationship fic. The idea came on a whim when I was in the shower, and it must've been one of the quickest fics I've written. About a Long Night (ER, Kerry Weaver/Susan Lewis) - My very first ER fic, and naturally it's nothing more than fluffiness with my OTP from the show! In a Sacred Place (ER, Kerry Weaver/Susan Lewis) - I've made it no secret that I'm...not a fan of how Kerry's coming out on the show was handled, so this was my attempt at a fix-it where Kerry made the revelation on her own terms with someone who understands and appreciates her.

Do you respond to comments? Sometimes it takes a while, but I try my best to!

What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? For Star Trek, probably If All That Dies Will Live Again, which is based on one of Star Trek: Voyager's angstiest episodes. The tags I included alone will show you why 😅 For ER, I would say All There is to Know - another attempt at a fix-it about Kerry's coming out arc, but with an even angstier ending.

What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? Most of what I write is fluffy, so this is hard to answer 😂

Do you get hate on fics? Thankfully no!

Do you write smut? If so, what kind? Not really, but I'd love to someday lol

Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written? Just one, and it's a crossover that I'm sure only I am the target audience of haha. It's an ER x Body of Proof crossover called Long Time No See, which is pretty much just my excuse to write something that features characters played by three of my favourite TV ladies - Jeri Ryan, Laura Innes, and Sherry Stringfield lol

Have you ever had a fic stolen? Not to my knowledge 👀

Have you ever had a fic translated? Again, not to my knowledge, but I'd love to translate some of my own fics into Indonesian.

Have you ever co-written a fic? Yes, with the wonderful writers of the [que]er fic and fandom Discord server that I help run!

What's your all-time favourite ship? B'Elanna Torres/Seven of Nine (Star Trek: Voyager), Kerry Weaver/Susan Lewis (ER), and Beverly Crusher/Jean-Luc Picard (Star Trek: The Next Generation) because I refuse to name just one on principle hehe.

What's a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will? One of my many, many Star Trek: Voyager AUs that I have planned and written fic notes for lmao

What are your writing strengths? Probably characterisation and plotting.

What are your writing weaknesses? First of all I suck at coming up with titles, and more often than not I just pick up something from a song I happen to be listening at the time of writing. As I'm not a native English speaker, I suppose some of my wording could also come across as awkward.

Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for fic? Difficult to pull off, but impressive when done well!

First fandom you wrote for? High School Musical 😂 I must've been 14 or 15 at that time.

Favourite fic you've written? OH GOD this is like choosing one of my babies 🥲 For Star Trek, I'd say When Moonlight Meets Sunrise, because I had my reservations about writing their first time since it's something that I believe should be done tastefully considering their back stories, but I like to think I pulled it off. For ER, In a Sacred Place because it's what I would've loved to have seen on the show regarding Kerry's coming out, and as one commenter said I like that I managed to give her a gentle landing.

Tagging @thebiwifeonao3 @sapphicsandscience @cloudsnbones and anyone else who wants to do it!

#writing stuff #fanfiction #ask game #q&a #asked and answered

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vulturereyy · 1 year ago

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5, 6, 30 and 44 for Chivalry verse Hegemol? For the character asks

Thank you for the ask !!!!!

5. Best personality trait

Hegemol's best personality trait... Is probably his patience and willingness to listen. Old knight has lived five lifetimes over at this point, and he's seen and been through a lot, but that doesn't mean that others have not. With his extended lifespan has come a far more relaxed sense of time, where he knows it's alright to sit and hear someone out. And with his age, he's learned that many times, the best option is simply to let someone actually experience their emotions than try and fix them instantly. He lets people be ugly, and gross sob on him, and throw things, and break things, and be angry with him if they need to be. He has all the time in the world to help fix the problem. Best to let the catharsis through first.

6. Worst personality trait

Hand in hand with above, Hegemol's extreme sense of protectiveness can get in the way of things. Especially when it comes to his squires. He can occasionally get so overprotective that he will pre-emptively try to protect them and do what he fully believes would be in their best interest. But sometimes, that turns out to be wrong. I guess to add on to above, he is also very, very genuine about admitting when he is wrong, and working with the person that he's wronged on their terms.

30. Sleeping habits

Lol. Lmao. What sleep? In all seriousness, poor Hegemol is never well rested, especially not while he served as a knight. He's late to bed in order to spend a precious few hours with his nocturnal husband, and very early to rise for his duties. Hegemol lives off of midday naps at any moment he can take them, partially because he seeks them, and partially because if he doesn't take them he will keel over. He has absolutely passed out on more than one occasion in the war room or otherwise. Hegemol overloads and overcommits himself on his duties, especially near the fall of Hallownest, as everyone else is also already doing so much. He would much prefer to make himself the sacrificial lamb than see his other knights weary with fatigue as he is on the inside. I actually answered an ask a while ago that details Lurien and Hegemol's schedules, if you're interested :> In current time of the fanfiction though, while he's in Mato's care? He loves to sleep. He doesn't quite have as much choice given how much he has to recover, but as long as he isn't plagued by nightmares (which is often)... He is so cozy in the nest Mato has made him, and he never wants to leave it.

44. Their happiest memory

This one is HARD! Chivalry Hegemol is an EXTREMELY sentimental sap of a man, it's very, very hard for him to choose just one. The first one to come to mind, however, would have been him and Lurien's 'wedding.' They had no ceremony of course, given the secretive nature of their relationship- but Hegemol spent months learning the Damselfly courtship dances and rituals in a way that he, a beetle, could perform them. He did this mostly alone, but with the occasional assistance of Aedmond, my Lurien's butler. On a night where the Pale King had left the palace on a diplomatic excursion, the two of them snuck into the emptied royal ballroom, and danced. This was their wedding. They could have no rings, or trinkets of each other, or audience - but this was their night, with Aedmond providing music through the stage piano as quietly as he possibly could. Hegemol definitely didn't tear up through most of it. The second memory that comes to mind would have been the knighting of his first squire, Sir Gytha. Gytha was a very troubled young beetle, and her journey to knighthood took almost twice as long as any other squire he's taken since. But she is where much of his patience and willingness to let others actually feel out their emotions comes from; she is the foundation. Hegemol himself didn't have that great of a time with his time as squire. In fact, his knight, Dame Ludovic, actually messed him up immensely in terms of self worth, self esteem, and sense of purpose. To Hegemol, Gytha's training was certainly his messiest -- but it also served to put his foot down and stamp it in Ludovic's face, that her legacy died with him. He refused to continue her cycle, and he and Gytha both are far better off for it. And yes, he also bawled under his mask at Gytha's knighting ceremony. He could barely deliver her oaths to her because he was trying not to be choked up.

#ask meme #thank you for the ask!!!#wcwtd

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punkrogue · 2 years ago

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I always feel so frustrated with how unimaginative Marvel is with Remy, the only interesting things he's had is New Sun and X-Factor. Idk if this is true, but I read there was some rumor that Remy was gonna be an alter ego of Sinister, which would've given the writers more to work with imo. I think why some writers like Rogue and Erik more since they're much easier to work with outside of shipping. Same with Kurt, whom I sometimes think Remy is a pale imitation of (Catholic, martial artist, looks demonic, ladies man, even his powers suit a thief more than Remy's). If Kurt and Rogue weren't siblings, I'd sooner ship Rogue with him than Remy. Also, since Remy can only charge non-living things, it just makes him look weak and limited compared to other characters. I don't say all this shit to be mean, but I do get frustrated with how little material he's given, and can understand why his character is constantly put on the back burner in various media compared to other X-Men characters.

Yeah I remember reading somewhere they'd thought about doing something like that with Remy and Sinister and I think instead went with New Sun? Something like that. Also considered having him be ANOTHER Secret Summers Brother and I'm glad we didn't go this route lol we need to stop the Summers-Grey family tree from taking over the whole X-verse while we can.

I'll say that I don't feel that Remy is a pale imitation of Kurt mainly because I feel Remy deals with a lotta things that Kurt really doesn't on a personal level (true parental abandonment like no margali in SIGHT kinda shit, street life, crime, child soldier gangland shit, the greys and blacks of morality etc). You see more of those things in his solos which can even get a bit of a noir vibe to them which is nice but people just rarely wanna put in the time and effort with Remy. They rarely get him so they knock him down into say, the TAS 90s Gambit mold and call it a day. Which is just ....... no one wants that. Not Gambit Haters, not Gambit Stans.

And I get what you're saying about his powers but I think if he could charge living matter constantly like he can as New Sun homie would be so comically OP. I think the real issue here is just again, fuckers don't know how to write him so they go for whatever's easiest. So it's all lame, dumb and boring. If they let him get funky with his powers a bit more it'd could be super cool.

The pro of Rogue and Magneto when made scene partners is that they do have much more solid pre-existing characterizations, vibes and "story packs". As a writer you can walk in and already there's a couple of things you can do which are kinda like Rogue or Magneto Classics. Remy not so much so he ends up being like, Rogue's loser sidekick which sucks.

I feel you tho on the shitshow that is comic Rogue-Kurt dynamics. I too can see the appeal and charm of them as a romantic ship just as much as I can see them working wonderfully as a sibling pair. My beef around them has been for years that we get this Big Reveal that Mystique is Kurt's Bio-Mom but after he has his initial freak out for a couple issues in Excalibur or Uncanny or w/e he was in at the time I forget I just remember Amanda is there this whole thing-- IT NEVER REALLY COMES UP AGAIN BETWEEN HIM AND ROGUE AND THEY JUST ACT LIKE NORMAL AND OCCASIONALLY MENTION THEY'RE SORT-OF RELATED IN A WAY THAT'S MORE OF A REMINDER TO THE AUDIENCE????? LIKE IT'S FUN TRIVIA INSTEAD OF A PLOT POINT OR IMPORTANT RELATIONSHIP????

their first serious non-combat interaction was basically Kurt telling her to drop dead when she comes to Xavier for help when she's 17 and he's 21. He finally cuts her some slack after she ALMOST DIES IN A SUICIDE BY VILLAIN ATTEMPT to save Wolverine's fiance which makes Wolverine go "yeah okay fine your not total dogshit ig" so NOW Kurt'll stop being a raging asshole to the mentally ill teen lol (I'm shit talking Kurt rn but this is genuinely part of why I love him). Then there's MAYBE a couple of scenes that are outside of Action Stuff before the X-Men "die" in the late 80s and we get Excalibur where the two of them interact, the biggest of them is him FLIRTING WITH HER.

Uncanny X-Men (1963) #192

Now-- it's Kurt so this isn't anything really all that crazy. He jokingly flirts with like 90% of the X-Men. It's just the kinda silly funny quirky guy he is. But when I'm trying to think of say, Rogue-Kurt moments POST the Mystique Reveal that really feel like People Connecting or them Actually Being Siblings I draw a blank. This flirting scene is more iconic and stand out than basically all of their 00s and on interactions because it feels like a natural and very emotional conflict they WOULD have. He goofs around like he always does, her feelings get hurt, he realizes what he's done and feels like an ass and wants to fix it. EMOTIONS HAPPENED HERE, CHARACTERIZATION AND CONFLICTED OCCURRED. THIS CONFLICT AND LATER RECONCILIATION WILL LEAD TO A BETTER FRIENDSHIP AS WE GO! THANKS CLAREMONT!

Even at her wedding he's basically just like "well I AM her brother (remember? did you see that watchmojo listicle? have you read my wiki recently) and I AM blue so I should ALSO be in the wedding."

There's really not a lot of content of them like, hanging out, post 2004 or so. Some of that is just them being in different books but a lot of it just no one putting in the time or effort. X-Treme X-Men (2001) was all about Rogue looking into shit related to Destiny's writings and grappling with some Family and Personal Grief at the start there. Kurt shoulda been around for at least the first arc. Not thunderbird that absolutely nothing of a dude. It was the perfect setting to work on this issue that the 6 degrees of Mystique™ has made. One of the only other encounters between them I can think of that's post-90s is this:

Rogue (2001) #4

And this interaction is set like VERY SOON after she joined the X-Men!!!! So it's not even a truly modern scene of them just vibing!!!!

To me, they're NOT siblings. Not in the way Kurt is with Amanda who's his ACTUAL adoptive sister or even in the way that Rogue is with Bobby, Sam or Scott who she just has Massive Broship Energies with and it's entirely because their 6 Degrees of Mystique™ is tenuous at best for how much it would really matter to them. Kurt HAS a family! He HAS siblings! Mystique abandoned/lost him and never looked for him or intended to tell him about their connection until forced to. He was raised by Margali and sees HER FAMILY as HIS family and they think the same! Like that's a standard ass adoptive family vibe.

Rogue is found by Mystique and Irene and raised by them in near isolation ON ANOTHER CONTINENT and is never informed about Kurt even in a past "i had a baby and lost him" tense kinda way or Graydon either. To her knowledge growing up she HAS NO SIBLINGS OF ANY KIND. She meets and fights against and then beside Kurt with no idea there's literally anything connecting them but that they're both mutants and x-men for like, YEARS even IN canon. Their whole relationship is rocky as shit for a WHILE there and then she gets YEETED SECRETLY TO AUSTRALIA AND HE THINKS SHE DIED. And let's be clear-- sure he's upset about her "death" too but he is MUCH more upset over the "deaths" of Logan, Ororo and Peter who he ACTUALLY NAMES WHILE TALKING ABOUT THIS GRIEF. Because you know... THESE RELATIONSHIPS ACTUALLY HAD FUCKING SCREENTIME.

Excalibur (1988) #1

He's not a monster, he does give a shit about her, but realistically over the years VERY little time has been put into building ANY relationship between Rogue and Kurt of ANY kind and it's frustrating when they really wanna act like they've got one. They don't. And it pisses me off because realistically Rogue/Kurt is less fucked up than Amanda/Kurt and guess which one is canon. Because of the 6 Degrees of Mystique™ people don't really ship them even tho there's an even more Yikes Kurt ship that's canon and Does Not Seem To Fucking Die, there's been no real development of ANY kind of relationship between him and Rogue, they've lived their ENTIRE lives not knowing each other or not really being more than coworkers and Kurt has NO INTEREST in truly claiming Mystique as his mother which is valid-- she fucking sucks.

I think Rogue/Kurt has legs and it's aggravating to me because I also really like Rogue & Kurt siblingship! I grew up watching Evolution! The sibling vibes and friendship that grow naturally up between them even BEFORE the Mystique Reveal in that show are just CHEF'S KISS. But in comics they IMPLY a familial connection that really.... doesn't mean much... and then they don't show these two deciding it to make it mean something or organically falling into a good sibling relationship... so they cut off the dynamic at the knees. You'll be shit on if you try to go off script and explore a more romantic angle because "ew they're rElAtEd" (ignoring all the previously stated flaws in that argument), there's nothing in canon that helps you figure out how friendly they even truly are so good luck building something canon compliant and they just generally don't seem to even give a shit about this dynamic at all so without dipping into other adaptations/AUs it can be hard to find something to even SAY about them.

Like I'd love to see Rogue and Kurt engage like, finding out what the Mystique Reveal means to them and how they see each other. I'd love to see them becoming friends and then family. I'd love to see them making that CHOICE. Because really in this context it's a CHOICE. She's not his adoptive sister, Amanda is. She's not his bio sister either in 616, that idea got shot down early on. She's a girl his bio mom who is a stranger to him raised an ocean away while he was raised in a loving home with siblings he adores. They met when she was a villain, he vehemently disliked her until she almost died saving someone's life then he tried to at least be civil and friendly. He finds out Mystique is his bio mother and asks Rogue about her but at the end of the day feels no real connection to Mystique or her life. His mother is Margali. The circus was his family. He cares about Mystique, Irene and Rogue because he's a decent human being but like, not in the same amount or extent as his adoptive family.

You can't have a scene of him flirting, even jokingly, with her in the 80s then think a 1993 mom reveal some how totally erases that vibe. Especially when you then put like no effort into exploring that GOLDMINE OF A PLOT THREAD. They've got so few non-combat just hanging out and engaging in character development interactions in 616 canon I can count them on my hands. At this point you could spin a wheel and decide to give them any relationship dynamic and it could genuinely work because there's no real content of them in comics to use contest it.

Like at her wedding they bring up that he's her brother again. That shouldn't be something we have a "turn to the camera and remind the audience" moment about. That should be as "well duh" to me as Bobby being her best man or Scott and Alex being brothers. It's not. It's just not. Their connection is just a factoid at this point and I hate it. You can't close off all these other potential dynamics for them (romantic/enemies/rivals/shitty roommates/etc whatever) by making them connected via Mystique, having an line every like, 10 years that reminds us they're "siblings" (are they tho? are they really? is that how this works?) and kinda vaguely imply they don't hate each other which is really just riding on the fact that pretty much ALL the X-Men like Kurt and we the audience like both of them and then GIVE US NOTHING WITH THAT STATED DYNAMIC!

MORE TIME AND EFFORT WAS PUT INTO MAKING NATE GREY SEE MADYLENE PRYOR AS HIS MOTHER OVER JEAN THAN HAS EVER BEEN PUT INTO MAKING ROGUE AND KURT FEEL LIKE THEY'RE EVEN FRIENDS LET ALONE SIBLINGS AND I'M VERY MAD ABOUT IT!!!! EITHER GIVE ME WHAT I WANT OR CUT THE REINS AT LET ME DO WHATEVER!!!

fsdkjghksdl so i just get VERY heated about this it's a pet peeve of mine.

#answered #meta #i have similar issues with the rogue and storm 'friendship' given that storm NEVER APOLOGIZED for saying ROGUE DESERVED TO DIE #WHILE LEADING THE XTEAM IN AUSTRALIA!!!#OR HOW SHE BLEW OFF ROGUES WORRIES OVER HER POWERS POST-ANTARCTICA AND IMMEDIATELY ACCUSED HER OF AN ATTACK ON A FELLOW XMEN THE SAME DAY #USING THE INFO ROGUE HAD GIVEN HER THAT MORNING IN CONFIDENCE AGAINST HER!!!!#but yeah sure they're FrIeNdS and storm has anna marie privileges #as tho that isn't borderline rogue's dead name and only used consistently for YEARS by people like her MOTHERS or her LOVERS #WE DON'T NEED TO SEE PEOPLE ENGAGE OR GROW ON SCREEN IT'S FINE!!!!!

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folklauerate · 2 years ago

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anj ur fics are so fun and well-crafted i am a huge secret admirer of them who has been following u for a yr (and i respect the dilf prof anthony agenda frfr it's always the english depts too getting called daddy thank u for this homage) but omfg as someone in the humanities phd track, i cannot help but ask why kate is so young for a prof???? esp since almost all humanities profs start a fulltime teaching position at 28-30 yrs old minimum... i had a hard time imagining how 25 yr old would allowed to teach as a professor full-time by effect of her 'merit' unless it's some exploitative semi-illegal gag clause contingency hidden in her contract that renders her basically a 'pre-'grad student but w/o even their flimsy benefits n protections which actually usually is the case... 😭😭 knowing the dysfunctional politics embedded in uk and north american tenure systems, i unfortunately couldnt get past it! but looking forward to ur milf kate writing, hope u dont find this question too nosy or offensive lol (i enjoyed the fic for what it is hehe) i realize traumatized phds r probs not the target audience of this fic nor entitled to an explanation for why ur not reading and incorporating paywalled exposes of uni working conditions into a fic but was still curious if u were just taking reference from a different context or more ethical precedent of academic labor (which may ease my conscious reading it haha). tysm!

First of all—thank you! I appreciate you reading and being a secret admirer (tho I promise I don’t bite, ur always welcome to say hey!). I appreciate it 💘

Second of all—lmfao I was wondering when I’d get this ask or comment 😭😭😭😭😭 I just knew there’d be some poor phd student or some professor reading this fic who’d be like “hang on… what’s that?” and the answer I’ve got for you is let’s have a healthy dose of suspension of complete disbelief because it was the only way I could make this work 🤓

I wanted it to be an age gap because I wanted to write an age gap but I didn’t want there to be too horrible of a power imbalance that would definitely come with it being a student/professor relationship. That was just too far for me to personally go, even though with the ages I have them at, it would be the most realistic thing. Idk making them student/professor made me feel icky. I suppose I could’ve made her work some admin job within the university but I really liked the idea of them both teaching, and I originally planned on having him sort of rediscover his own love of teaching thanks to her enthusiasm. For some background (this didn’t make it into the fic, but I did hint at it); Anthony specializes in teaching a lot of western lit canon/comp lit things and Kates specializes in post-colonial lit/Asian American lit, and I liked the idea of her challenging his perspectives and changing up some of the ways he approaches his work and the things he assigns, and that all helping him rediscover his love of teaching as well. There’s a repeated theme in this oneshot of rebirth; how love can find us at unexpected times and make the world feel brand new again. I kinda heavy-handedly drove the theme home when he says I love you and I write that it washes over Kate like rainwater in spring—a sort of nod to baptism/rebirth imagery, a nod to rain being necessary for renewal even though she’s afraid of storms but the storm scene is a huge turning point for them, and rain and springtime and rebirth etc lol. ANYWAYS—all this to say, I really do try and make things as realistic as possible, because that matters to me and I like world building and tbh I do get paranoid that someone might read my fic and go “oh well that’s wrong, a mechanic would never say that” or something lol, but it is fanfiction land and I do have to make some concessions to make the story work in the way I want it to work, and I sort of ended up here lol! Trust me, though, I totally hear you; I was an English major myself (if you couldn’t tell) with a concentration in post-colonial lit and a minor in poli-sci and for a while I thought I’d get my masters or a PhD in the humanities and then teach, before a professor discouraged me from it bc ya know this is the US and that usually means a lot of debt and no teaching positions lol. But all that to say—I totally hear you! It’s not realistic and it’s icky if you work/study in it and know exactly what the dark and ugly side of academia looks like! But most folks probably didn’t catch that bc no one really knows what it’s like until you’re in it tbh. I tried to sort of make it work by having her have these two masters degrees (again, insane) and be some sort of wunderkind and exciting new voice in the post-colonial lit field that Agatha just had to bring on lmao. Basically it’s not perfect and it doesn’t totally work irl, but it’s not too big of a plot point besides getting them in the same place, and it’s not a huge focus, just in the background as they’re grading things or walking around campus, and I hope it doesn’t totally impede your ability to read it, but I totally understand if it does 😭

#bridgerton #fanfic #professor au #academia is fucking wild

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lmelodie · 2 years ago

Text

Chance and Choice BTS

Behind the scenes stuff! I have A LOT of notes about the making of Chance and Choice from unreleased Beta to the latest chapter! Please enjoy the notes that simply cannot keep to myself anymore.

Pre CC (Runner-up):

Originally originally, the very first almost beta version of CC was just going to be Jack's origin story lol. Like straight up in chronological order, a series of events spanning his entire life as a closer look into his fall from grace. Really heavy handed on the psychology aspects of how his mind works (because I love nothing more than psychoanalyzing people/characters)

I had a whole idea about if i ever dropped this fic that the accompanying art would just be Jack himself promoting the story as if it was his own autobiography. Celebrity biopic release vibes. Buy my book!

This rough beta version was called Runner-up. And I got all the outlining done when I realized that by the end of the story Jack still would’ve been a villain (and in banishment) and I ended up thinking that the aftermath of his banishment with Lucy would've been a more attention-grabbing story.

As much as I enjoy hurting this man, I also want to see him heal, so Runner-up was promptly scrapped (but somewhat currently still used as a rough guide for any of Jack’s inner machinations/past experiences)

In the tail end of planning Runner-up, when Killian was starting to come more into his own and not just a background character, apparently, I wrote it down that him and Jack were only supposed to have romantic tension and for their official relationship to start way later after he’s already reformed.

I think the idea was to have them just hate flirting with each-other while the whole story goes on around them? But you can also do that AND be bitter exes at the same time. Very glad I changed this little bit.

A concept that also did not survive the Runner-up days was the idea of Jack having some kind of Ice based healing powers! Most akin to the water bender healers from Avatar.

He would've had this whole thing about swearing off using the healing powers for whatever reason and ends up burying the lead that he ever had them in the first place. Until a situation comes up where he’s forced to use them in front of people, unearthing the secret. This idea was cool, but then I reworked the whole magic system so this idea had to go.

Chapter 4:

Fun Fact! This meeting where Jack and Mother Nature actually talk for the first time since banishment will be the last time they directly speak to one another until the very finale. They will be going another two weeks without talking before reconciling at New Years.

I've had the idea for the Bypass for a while, but the way it looks is closest to The Great Exhibition hall of 1851. Just way bigger and with portal arches and FIVE MORE FLOORS. This place is HUGE you guys it's like a whole town in of itself.

I wanted the teleporters to accommodate a full-sized dragon because as a species they would be very limited in available airspace without getting spotted by humans. So, to quick travel they mostly use the teleporters.

I am going to be very honest with you guys. I really did only give Jack a journal of sorts so that I could maybe spin that off into The Misadventures of Exile kinda thing. Because nothing really physically happens to him (besides the polar bear) but he goes through a lot of mental wear and tear, and I thought I should give myself a little window into his head for possible future use.

Chapter 5:

The flashback scene with MN and Jacks fight, these exchanges:

“When all the realms turned against me, what did you do? Nothing!”

“You were not meant to have a holiday that is not my fault!”

“Not your FAULT!?”

Is directly taken from Kung Fu Panda, the first movie where shifu and tai lung recount their falling out as they fight. Tai Lung (and his and shifu’s dynamic) is so interestingly complex and served as a HUGE inspiration for Jack’s character and his relationship with MN.

ANOTHER line that I kinda ripped off was this remark from Jack:

“How could you possibly bring me lower than this? What more can you take away from me?!”

That one I got from The Incredibles when Bob threatens Mirage when he thinks his family is dead :)

A line that I also really REALLY wanted to include but didn't was from Steven Universe. Where Amethyst and Pearl are fighting in the kindergarten and amethyst says:

“I never asked for it to be this way! I never asked to be made!”

I wanted to give that line to Jack as he was fighting MN SO BAD! But I just couldn't find anywhere to fit it.

Originally Jack’s visceral injury would have been a single very sharp root straight through the shoulder. Literally clean through him; just one major puncture wound. But I ultimately thought that was lacking something, so i ended up changing it to something way more violent.

That whole fight scene I’ve had in the chamber for A WHILE, before most of the plot of CC was ironed out. And like I’ve said before, legendary fisticuffs are COOL AS SHIT so I have a lot to say about that passage in particular.

Chapter 6:

I had three separate ideas for Jack’s beginning nightmare sequence for this chapter (mostly because i’ve really liked coming up with very metaphorical and emotionally poignant scenarios for Jack to be in (psychoanalyzing yet again) ).

The final one of the following voices was my personal favorite and was planned to be put somewhere far later in the story, but i ultimately decided to treat myself and write in prose about Jack’s internal struggle :)

The other two nightmares I think I will keep mostly a secret if I ever choose to use those for future sequences. But! The other two (in the vaguest of terms) are

Mother Nature Lapis Lazuli inspo

Playing very weird chess and loosing horribly.

The main note that I’ve had for this, and the next few following chapters is just: EMOTIONAL LABOR! And that’s literally it lol. Thats the only note I need for this next stretch of the story lol.

Fun Fact! The weight of Lucy’s staff is actually different depending on the personal harmony of the one who’s holding it! It always maintains a level of heaviness that Lucy doesn't experience, but depending on someone’s inner balance the staff will be lighter or heavier depending on who’s holding it. Charlie has little difficulty holding for its weight in Chapter 5, because he has little to no internal struggle. He’s very confident in who he is and where he’s going in life and all that jazz.

Whereas Jack in this Chapter, is nearly taken down by the thing because he is all kinds of out of whack internally. Banishment has been nothing but one big internal seven-year struggle and it shows in the weight of the staff. He’s way-out synch and therefore the staff is way heavier than it should be.

Chapter 7:

I had to rewrite the beginnings of this chapter a fair few times with how exactly Lucy finds out more about Frostmas as a thing.

One of the times she would've found herself in the hall of timelines to learn about Frostmas that way. It was a huge room of clouds and different clock faces representing all the major alternate universes. I had a whole convoluted way the books updated themselves by pulling straight from the clocks to double check the series of events that have technically never happened.

But this was WAY too complicated of an idea to execute without having it feel overly clunky. So, it must be scrapped.

AND I KNEW that THIS was the most opportune time to name drop everyone else’s amazing work! As mostly a treat to myself, but I had it penned down to AT LEAST mention CS here. Because I was dying to do that at some point and NOWS THE TIME! THERE YA GO BITCHES! Technically canon? But actually, not really.

Killian and Chimera’s intro was A BITCH AND A HALF to nail down. I went back and forth on the logistics of this scene a lot. Where it was gonna fit in the story and if I'm introducing this new character/element too early or too late. This one was a thinker.

BUT THEN I remembered that there's an actually seven-year-old at the north pole that he could scare! Keep it closer to the main cast and switch it to full nighttime hours at the end of the day and BOOM! He’s here! In the story! Jack and Luce are gonna run into him later for the confrontation OF A LIFETIME. Very hype about that

For Killian’s intro I had an idea for Chimera to call him on the crystal ball, but he accidently left the sound on so it flashes colors AND Toxic by Brittney Spears would start playing very loudly in the middle of the night. This was really funny to me, but ultimately undermined the whole buildup of him being scary and threatening so I had to scrap it.

Misc:

Whenever I get to the redlining stage in the editing process, I try and do it physically as often as I can. I literally print out all the pages, staple them together, get a red pen and go to town! Usually with a lined sticky note as well for when a passage really needs to be deconstructed. I do this because it gives my eyes a break from staring at a screen and helps me spot mistakes easier. I keep them all in a little accordion folder and save them as sweet little mementos :)

(I don't do this for any of the snowdrifts because those are relatively low stakes, but I did do it for Solstice just because it directly ties into CC in a somewhat more important way.)

A couple of key inspo’s for Jacks character in exile (as I imagine him anyway) were Tai Lung (as previously stated), Loki and a touch of Bojack Horseman. I rationalize any out of character things he does with “Oh but he’s in exile, he’s been banished for seven years now, I think he’s bound to act just a little different.”

Some of the names that were in the rotation between Runner-up and CC include:

Polar Opposites

Vice Versa

Hope and Heartless

Flip Side

#nonart #text #text post #concept scraps #jack frost #the santa clause 3 #CC

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thebestpersonherelovesbucky · 2 years ago

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I posted 4,303 times in 2022

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Blogs I reblogged the most:

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I tagged 4,149 of my posts in 2022

Only 4% of my posts had no tags

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#but that hardly eliminates the other half of the country from being just as if not more guilty of such prejudice and crimes

My Top Posts in 2022:

Here I am, staring at my copy of Dracula on its spot in my bookcase, wanting to continue reading but not doing so because that would be cheating.

50 notes - Posted May 7, 2022

Very excited to announce that the secret project me and @luninosity have been working on together is now available for pre-order. We didn’t set out to start an epic trilogy but...here we are with book one! 😊

- A deadly curse. - A former spy of His Majesty’s Army's Magicians' Corp. - The head librarian of the Royal College of Wizardry. - Scones lathered in honey - Starlit kisses - Evil cultists - M/M Regency-era magicians, magic, and mysteries...

Just some of what you'll find in Spells and Sensibility (Regency Magicians Book One)!

Official release date: January 29th.

Amazon Link JMS-Books Link

73 notes - Posted January 22, 2022

Boom.

74 notes - Posted May 7, 2022

The data shows that from 2017-2019 disabled people accounted for 26% of nonfatal violent crimes, even though they make up only 12% of the population and are victims of violence at almost four times the rate of non-disabled people.

Keep laughing, James Gunn. It’s fucking hilarious.

133 notes - Posted November 27, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

I’m so god damn sick of the narrative of Character A has a big secret and doesn’t share with their best friend, Character B. Character B finds out and is then pissed off at Character A for not telling them and then Character A has to apologize.

No one fucking owes even their closest relationships all their secrets. It’s up to them when and if they share it. And if the reaction of them sharing it is “I’m so pissed you didn’t tell me right away” rather than “Thank you for sharing, I hope you know you could’ve told me at any time, and I’m honored that you feel comfortable sharing with me now” then that person is an asshole.

159 notes - Posted July 13, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

#tumblr2022 #year in review #my 2022 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review #lmao #omg i used to be so much more active here #i didn't even reach 5k posts #*cries*#i miss it #but i find it hilarious that goncharov made it onto the list #and most of them were queued #long post

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llycaons · 12 days ago

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Section Three: Part VIII

I still am: lan wangji, oh lan wangji

An old kettle, a tiny teacup, and a new pot. by mondengel

summary: here’s lan qiren, desperately trying to keep his premature nephew alive immediately after his birth. this fic is very sweet, provided satisfyingly medically accurate information, and integrated canon-specific rites in a realistic way. and the relationship was so tenderly portrayed…he loves his nephew 🥺 work issues: none author issues: going to be real this author has written almost 90 fics so I just checked their most-used tags and didn’t see anything but I can’t guarantee they’re completely fine

slipping secrets, skipping stones by LaivineNinuiel

summary: this is just lxc and lwj as young kids being very sweet together 🥺 they love each other work issues: none author issues: none

*another way to suffer by Justread0verandover

summary: I haven’t read this fic in a while but basically - what if nmj was lwj’s gay awakening? I thought it was pretty funny. cql canon, presumably work issues: none author issues: none

I exist as I am, that is enough by fantasmagorie

summary: immediately after wwx accidentally pulls off lwj’s headband in the novel, lwj stalks off and lxc goes to talk to him. this makes my heart feel like it’s being squeezed so tight, but in a good way. novel canon, but the emotion in it is so raw and the characterization is so compelling that I definitely suggest it for cql fans as well work issues: none author issues: none

*The Pursuit of Knowledge by Katalyna_Rose

summary: post-nightless, lwj tries to find erotica that he can enjoy in an effort to connect with his own sexuality and to feel closer to wwx. at a bit of a loss, he consults nhs. what follows is a genuinely quite beautiful and touching story about gay bonding, affirmation, and self-discovery. I like the writing style quite a lot, and I find the characterizations and dialogue to be natural and realistic. the discussion of kink, bdsm, and power-bottoming, using language that’s appropriate for the setting, is really fun too. novel-verse unfortunately the wwx that crops up at the very end is so incredibly obnoxious that I pretend the work ends before he appears. how writers convey such beauty and subtlety with lwj and then cast wwx as a chaotic, whiny gremlin who shouts every line is beyond me work issues: none author issues: none

in wild plums and river willows by SnowshadowAO3

summary: post-nightless city, lwj wanders and grieves and sees visions of wwx throughout the years. this is quite a raw work with a lot of pain in it, but it’s also very cathartic and there are some very lovely scenes with other characters, like mianmian. novel canon work issues: none author issues: something tagged ‘junior ot4’

Vanilla Twilight by toastpersona

summary: modern AU trans lwj ruminates on his identity and whether to come out to his longtime friend and roommate wwx. mature, gentle, and contemplative. pre-relationship. I wish this author had continued this series :/ work issues: none author issues: none

*on a clear day… by LilyMaxwell

summary: a short, introspective work about lwj’s relationship with his traditional extended family and his childhood home. the tone and style are just lovely and the juxtaposition of his current self vs. the person he was when he was young is quite striking warning for implied, mild homophobia work issues: none author issues: wrote lwj/another character wyb played and tagged it ‘wyb/wyb’ please stop like that’s a real person

*Wanting by pringle slut

summary: postcanon, lwj realizes how much he wants to bottom and things go from there. I liked the setup and payoff of this a lot. let lwj get wrecked by his very powerful and sexy husband! I do think this is well-characterized and very loving and it’s nice to see lwj get taken care of for once and really enjoy it. verse rights work issues: for a chance of pace, wwx is actually the one who gets a little possessive at one point lol. but it’s not even really creepy or anything? just relatively normal stuff I’d say author issues: second fic in this series was fine (nb lwj!) but the last fic is tagged ‘consensual dubious consent’ which???

Looks Like Home by ChaoticAndrogynous

summary: years into being married, a drunk lwj confides that he still has some self-image problems about his back and wwx wants to help. not a smut fic, if you can believe it. I really loved the lwj in this, at turns demanding and affectionate. the romance was very sweet and the style was entrancing. either canon work issues: none author issues: cnc

untitled by brokke_inactive

summary: a character exploration work for lwj, from an autistic author. first half is lqr and lxc pov, who both love lwj a great deal but sometimes are frustrated or confused by his behavior. back half is lwj pov - snapshots from his adult life. I love an autistic lwj reading and this one is really well characterized I think. cql canon check notes - lwj experiences sensory overload, and his family is well-meaning but ignorant work issues: none author issues: none

Back to Start

#fic recs #section 3 #part 8

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ruminate88 · 6 months ago

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Then vs. Now:

Funny how little I knew back then about emotional abuse talking to my ex Andrew but understand it now many years later. It’s almost night and day! (I was more innocent and naive back then despite being a nasty girl)

So my friend Bri confessed to me she had been talking to my ex Andrew behind my back for a month, that they had “sexted” and she’s sending me the screen shots of him saying to her, “I’m in the shower 😉 Wanna join me?” Like…. Wth. 💔💔💔 I sent him the screen shots and told him to EXPLAIN it. (Thinking he can be honest) LOL Well, I’m a wreck at this point. I’m so confused and JEALOUS!! Can you believe I was jealous? Hahahaha I was angry at both of them. Bri knew I was mad at her and she tried to apologize but also told me she was “in the right” that she only did it to prove to me Andrew was a cheater. 😓

Andrew’s explanation was the saddest, most unreal and confusing response I’ve ever received from anyone. First he asked me “Where did you get those messages?…” hahaha He was BUSTED! Then he says, “Wait… I thought that was you!!!! You made two accounts to talk to me!!!” Wow…. Why would I EVER waste time doing that and plus we had started texting more from our phone numbers and not talking on kik as much so…. That made no sense to me.

WORSE, he says “I really thought I was only talking to you this whole time.” Okay. So, me being nice and not quick to judge. I pause AND QUESTION MYSELF 😳😳😳 Waaaaaas he that stupid OR does he think I AM THAT STUPID???? Then he began to try and convince me of it, “Yeah, that’s you. Why were you trying to catfish me???” For a split moment, I was caught up in his gaslighting trying to make sense of it all. (There was soooo much fog in my brain) I was talking in my head asking so many questions about him. I felt like for him to be this “Ambassador for his school” and to be in “Pre-med” he’s NOT that stupid….. IS HE?? There’s no way he believed I made two accounts to talk to him from. But did he really believe it??? Whew, I was confused so much. 😵‍💫

I never heard of gaslighting EVER. I knew manipulation was real but never understood it or believed I would be manipulated because I’m not easily convinced by others or tricked. Yet, I was though sadly… I had to face the hard truth that yes he was trying to dumb me down and keep me in the dark about his true self and secret life of women behind my back. He wanted me to believe I was his only girl in his world BUT his Facebook was swarmed with pretty girls AND how could he not know I was stalking his Facebook?? It’s common sense to go to Facebook if you want to learn about anyone. Also his mom’s Facebook had even more information about him than he wanted me to know. He didn’t want me to see he had 500 girlfriends. 😛 oops.. too late.

NOOOOOW, that I understand about gaslighting and manipulation, I can make sense of the breakup and the past. It hurt me so much and I pushed Bri away. I was angry she went behind my back and sexted him although I can’t blame her. He was super hot 🤪 LOL but looks fade and behind his blue eyes I’m sure is black. His personality stunk in that moment. The way he put me down to make himself feel better. Ya know, you pushed away a woman who genuinely cared about you son and adores you. (His loss) can’t change a man and can’t babysit him either. I shouldn’t have to!!! I’m sorry if maybe you didn’t have a great relationship with your parents not sure about that. Can’t judge that and I hope the best for him every day. I always want him to be ok. My only expectation moving forward is that we can find peace in ourselves and happiness. Good health and good finances. Drew, just have a good life!! I’m daily working so hard to forgive you and get completely over the past. I go back and forward with him in my head always trying to make a sound opinion and I keep reminding myself “You don’t really know him and you’re not his judge.” 🥺🙏🏻

Let’s all strive to be better humans and heal each day ❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹

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the-bau-quinjet · 3 years ago

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Cause I'm Yours

Summary: Soulmate AU where each set of soulmates has a song that only they know that kind of explains their love story! What happens when you and Steve start living yours?

Warnings: nothing that I can think of aside from slight angst!

Word Count: 9251

a/n: another fic idea that came to me while listening to music on the way home from work :) The song I used is Secret Love Song by Little Mix! I just ignored the parts about being in love with someone who's already in a relationship anymore lol. Also, we're ignoring the accords and everything that came after in favor of Bucky and everyone living happily together in the tower. I kind of hate this, but I spent so long writing it so here it is.

Masterlist

In pre-school, you were obsessed with the song in your head. Your parents told you it was a secret song that only you and your soulmate knew the words to. Even just the idea of having someone out there who would love you no matter what sounded magical, let alone this song that connected you.

When you started high school, you found out what the song actually meant. Not only were the words known only by you and your soulmate, but they explained your love story. Or at least, a part of it. There's no telling what aspect of- or time within- your relationship the song is about.

Given the lyrics of your song, you were immensely nervous about meeting your soulmate. So much so, in fact, you refused to tell anyone the lyrics to your song, claiming it was meant for you and your soulmate to share together.

Now, as an adult, the song almost never crossed your mind. You had gotten tired of trying to spin it in a more positive light. You have never met anyone else who had a song that was as angsty as yours. We got a love that is hopeless and it'll never be enough just don't scream happy ending. As a teen, you convinced yourself it was just a hurdle you and your soulmate would have to overcome. But with time came experience, and your life experiences definitely weighed down that opinion.

Plus, you were heading into your late twenties and still had no clue who your soulmate could even be. Almost everyone you'd gone to high school and college with already found there perfect person. So, you chose not to think about it. If you ignored it, you could pretend it didn't matter.

From the minute he understood soulmate songs, Steve Rogers hated them. Bucky was the only one who ever understood why. Granted, Bucky was the only one Steve ever told about not having a soulmate song. To Steve's surprise, Bucky confessed he also didn't have a soulmate song. It only made their friendship stronger to both be missing something everyone else seemed to have.

When Bucky fell from the train, Steve figured that must be why he didn't have a soulmate song. So when it came time, and he needed to crash the jet into the ocean, he didn't think twice. It was easier to believe that was why he never had a song. He was destined to die in order to save others. Nobody should be put through losing their soulmate like that. It was better that he didn't have one.

Seventy years later, he woke up. And he had a song.

Meeting the Avengers was definitely a life altering moment for you. The six of them had just saved New York from an alien invasion and now you were working with them. Your experience in public relations made it easy for Pepper Potts and Tony Stark to hire you to manage the public image of the team.

Thankfully, they generally made it easy for you to help them. There was a lot of mess to sweep up, but the whole team was willing to put in the work to help. You became like family to them, always willing to be on call since some of the press you had to handle were in different time zones.

Eventually, Tony offered you a room in the tower. It just made sense to avoid the commute since you spent so much time there anyway. Plus, Tony thoroughly enjoyed being able to tell you to "go to your room" once the workday ended.

That's how you ended up spending so much time with Steve Rogers. Captain America was quite the public figure in the 40s, but the media circus had grown pretty exponentially during his time in the ice. Once he managed to understand you weren't asking him to be a dancing monkey, he actually appreciated all the work you put in to make their lives easier.

Your friendship continued to grow as you spent more time together. Every movie night, you'd sit a little closer together until, eventually, you were cuddled up under the same blanket. You'd invite Steve for lunch during the week, and he'd always bring you to brunch after his Sunday morning runs.

Six months later, Steve officially asked you out. With Wanda's help, he managed to make a completely charming picnic for the two of you in a park near the Brooklyn Bridge. You couldn't remember the last time you smiled so much in a single day. Steve felt exactly the same, feeling for the first time like he was actually beginning to fit into the modern age. Everything was so perfect, you scolded yourself for not seeing the other shoe until after it dropped.

Every website or news channel you looked at had a story of Steve Rogers dating the Avengers' PR rep. Although the two of you had done nothing wrong, the entire country seemed to turn it into some big scandal. Everyone wanted to know if Captain America found his soulmate or just someone to keep his bed warm. The only reason it faded so quickly from the public eye was the emergence of the Winter Soldier.

Steve Rogers being on the run from SHIELD definitely trumped his picnic date in the eyes of the media. The entirety of the weeks events left you a mess in terms of PR, but thankfully everything worked out. Hydra was stopped, and Steve got his best friend back.

Your own relationship with Steve faltered a bit in the months after Bucky's return, but you couldn't bring yourself to be upset with Steve. The situation, sure, but not Steve. He had so much going on with trying to help Bucky remove the trigger words. It took weeks to even find someone who thought they could do it, and that ended up taking the two super soldiers across the world.

He updated the team every few days, but he was so focused on helping Bucky, he didn't actually have much time to talk. Despite the abundance of technology in Wakanda, you'd never felt less connected to Steve.

Your entire schedule was thrown off. You no longer had a go to lunch buddy or Sunday brunch plans. Movie nights got just a bit colder without the body heat from your favorite super soldier. Everything just felt a little bit off.

After seven long months, Steve and Bucky returned to the tower. Unfortunately, your relationship didn't pick up where it left off. Bucky needed time to get acclimated to his new life, and Steve was always willing to be there for him.

Again, you didn't fault Steve for his behavior. How could you? He spent nearly every waking moment trying to help Bucky feel more at home in the tower, but also in the new century they found themselves in.

Just seeing Steve in passing was enough to get your heart racing these days. When you heard the sound of his voice coming from the kitchen, it was like your body involuntarily chose to stop and listen. You were so focused on just hearing him talk that it took a few minutes to actually understand the words.

"You have a song now?" The question gave no indication of how he was feeling in the moment.

"Yeah..." Bucky sheepishly replied. "I don't know when it started. Just, showed up one day, I guess." His tone of voice got lighter with each word he spoke about the song, going so far as to sign a few words. "Be my summer in a winter day, love... You still don't have one?" Despite not knowing him that well, you could hear the hesitation in his voice when he asked the question.

"I... No," Steve sighed. "I guess it just wasn't meant to be."

Everything they said after that went in one ear and out the other. You may not like your song per se, but at least you had one. You had never heard of someone not having a soulmate song before. The thought hadn't even crossed your mind. Everyone had a song...

"Y/N? Are you okay?" Suddenly, Steve and Bucky were in front of you. They must have finished whatever they were doing in the kitchen without you realizing.

"Huh? Oh, um, yeah. Just lost in thought I guess," you laughed.

"Are you sure?" Steve questioned further, looking at you with concern.

"Yeah. I'm good," you smiled, nodding your head as if that would convince him. Before you could turn to walk away, Steve lightly grabbed your hand. Bucky was convincing him to say something, but you had missed the silent glares and nudges in your efforts to pretend you weren't eavesdropping.

"Hey, are you busy later?" he smiled nervously, thumb rubbing across your wrist.

"I don't think so. My last meeting just ended, so it's just wrapping up a few loose ends, and I'm done for the weekend."

"Would you maybe want to have dinner with me?" Steve seemed to notice the shock on your face before you could even comprehend his question. "To catch up, ya know? We haven't been talking much, and I just thought maybe dinner would be nice," he rambled.

"Dinner would be great, Steve." Suddenly, the memory of the media circus that was your last date crossed your mind. Again, Steve must have seen your thoughts on your face.

"I figured we could do something small. Movie night?" Again, his smile betrayed his nerves.

"That's perfect. The usual time?" He nodded his confirmation, his slightly awkward wave goodbye making you smile.

And just like that, it was like things hadn't changed at all... sort of. You and Steve were back to your routine before your date. Movie nights, lunches, Sunday brunch. Sometimes Bucky would tagalong as well. Before long, the two of you were nearly as close as you and Steve.

If anything, seeing Steve with Bucky made you like him more. He just seemed more himself in a way, like having an anchor to his past made it that much easier for him to exist in the present. You were thinking about exactly that when Steve came knocking on your door.

"What's up?" You leaned against the open door, gesturing that he was welcome to come inside. When he took you up on that offer, you swung the door closed and followed him over to your bed. You were a little thrown off by his silence.

"Are you okay?" you asked. He looked at you briefly before averting his gaze, nervously twisting his fingers together. "Steve?" you asked, your concern showing through. You sat next to him, taking one of his fidgeting hands in your own. Your other hand brushed against his cheek, turning him to face you. "What is it?" Your heart was beating so fast, you thought you might explode.

He scoffed at himself, the self deprecation easily showing through. "I don't know why this is so hard for me," he spoke, taking your hand from his cheek in his free one. You wanted to ask what he was talking about, but you didn't want to push. You had a pretty good idea of it already, and it was terrifying.

"Steve..." you said his name with so much affection, he closed his eyes and let it wash over him.

"Y/N..." he returned the sentiment. "I... Would you like to date me?" You stared wide eyed, caught off guard by how straight to the point he was. Steve was a rambler when he spoke about his feelings. His own eyes widened, as if shocked the statement actually came from his lips.

"Dammit! I'm sorry. I had a whole thing planned." He had begun pacing back and forth in front of your bed, leaving you to watch him move back and forth." I was going to tell you how I feel, not just blurt it out. Why can't I ever get one thing-"

"Yes," you answered, cutting off his rambling with a soft smile. His eyes snapped back to yours, a disbelieving look on his face.

"Yes?" he questioned. You nodded in response, letting him come to terms with everything not going as planned, but turning out just as he'd hoped. "Yes," he finally smiled- a wide grin- before walking back to you. In no time at all, he had you wrapped in his arms, spinning around your room.

"Steve!" you shouted, unprepared for the lack of ground beneath your feet. He placed you delicately back on the bed, kissing each of your hands before rising.

"Dinner tomorrow?" Once again, you nodded at his question. "I'll pick you up at 7."

You were both smiling as he backed out of your room, only cutting off eye contact when he nearly tripped over an ottoman. "Tomorrow," you said wistfully.

"Tomorrow." Steve confirmed, his own tone matching yours.

The second you could no longer hear his footsteps retreating down the hall, you face planted into your pillow and squealed. You felt giddy. Your relationship with Steve was a long time coming and you couldn't put into words just how excited you were. Sleep did not come easily after that.

The next day passed in a blur. You could barely pay attention to your work as thoughts of Steve ran through your head. You were so excited to go out with him again, but your nerves grew as you remembered what happened last time you made a public appearance.

It was definitely not ideal for the PR manager to be splashed across the headlines. Even if it was only tabloids. You didn't have much time to think about it, however, because by mid-afternoon you were whisked away from your desk.

Nat and Wanda pulled you through the tower, eagerly leading you back to your room. It seems news of your date had travelled, and the two of them were beyond excited to help you get ready- despite your protests that it was a work day and four hours seemed a bit too much time.

"Nonsense. You and Steve have been towing this line for ages." Wanda grinned at you. "We won't let it go wrong because of a few work hours. Tony will understand."

You nodded, nervously biting your lip as the potential headlines flashed through your mind again. Would Tony understand his PR manager being the talk of the town? Would Pepper?

Before you could voice your concerns, Natasha was pushing you into the bathroom to try on the outfit they laid out. You were surprised to see your favorite ripped jeans waiting for you, but you put them on nonetheless. They had paired the jeans with a black shirt and a black denim jacket you had never seen before. Parts of the denim had been removed, replaced with a flowery mesh.

The second you were out of the bathroom, Nat and Wanda were pushing accessories and shoes into your hands. "I have to admit, this is not the vibe I thought you'd go for," you questioned them with a raised brow as you finished putting on your combat boots.

"Steve may or may not have given us a heads up." Wanda smirked. You looked between her and Nat, rolling your eyes that they knew where you were going when you didn't. You would have questioned them about it, but a knock on your door cut you off.

You were surprised to see it was already 7, and Steve was waiting for you on the other side of the door. You let your worries slip away, knowing they would only serve to upset your evening. With one final steadying breath, you opened the door.

You and Steve simply stared at each other, neither making a move. It was as if you were both frozen, simply taking in the other person. As Steve eyes roamed your outfit, you couldn't help but take in his own outfit.

You had to admit, he looked incredible. Seeing him in the familiar leather jacket was normal, but it never failed to make you swoon. The blue henley, however, couldn't help but spark thoughts of Bucky helping him choose what to wear. You let out a disbelieving chuckle at the idea of both of your friends dressing you.

The noise seemed to startle Steve into motion. He gestured for you to join him in the hallway, both of you ignoring the snickering coming from the two women in your room. He gently placed his hand on your lower back, the textured flowers pressing lightly into your back through the thin material of your shirt.

"You look incredible," Steve glanced at you. "I don't think I've ever seen this jacket before," he grinned, likely having the same thought you just had.

"It is new," you confirmed. "You look handsome as ever. I have to say, the blue henley really brings out your eyes." His laugh was like music to your ears.

"I'll have to tell Bucky you approve." The faint blush that dotted his cheeks had you even more giddy than before.

"I'll convey the same message to Nat and Wanda," you winked, again earning a chuckle. It was as if all the nerves had left your body and you were simply spending the evening with your best friend. All of the worrying and anxiety seemed pointless now that you were actually with him.

Unsurprisingly, Steve lead you to his motorcycle. You had never mentioned to him how much you loved riding with him, but you suspected he had some sort of idea. Or maybe he enjoyed it as much as you. Either way, you climbed on behind him, wrapping your arms around his narrow waist and stretching your neck to place your chin on his shoulder.

He glanced at you out of the corner of his eye, smiling at the familiar feeling. It had been far too long since the last time you rode together. You pressed a light kiss to his cheek as he pulled out of the parking garage before leaning slightly back to enjoy the feeling of the wind on your skin.

Steve took you to a tiny diner in Brooklyn, somewhere the two of you had been before. It felt so natural, you nearly forgot the outing was an actual date. It was so easy to talk with Steve, you found yourself pestering him with questions about Wakanda, answering his own questions about your time apart as well. You spent hours in the diner, just talking like you used to.

"I've missed this," he spoke suddenly as the two of you were leaving the restaurant, making your way back to Steve's bike.

"I know, they have the best french toast," you goaded, grinning even more when he rolled his eyes.

"That's not what I meant and you know it." Steve spun you around, his hands on your hips pressing you slightly into his bike from his proximity. "I've missed you. Our lunches and weekly brunch. The snuggling during movie night. Just being together," he whispered, leaning closer to you with each word.

Your throat was suddenly dry, your voice raspy as you replied. "I've missed you too." As if on their own accord, your hands had wrapped themselves around Steve's neck, pulling him even closer.

You both felt the pull as you leaned in, your lips barely brushing when the sound of tires screeching across the road startled you. Steve spun you behind him, his eyes scanning for any sign of danger. He relaxed when he realized it was just a car slamming on their brakes to avoid running a stop sign and hitting another car.

He let out a deep sigh, turning back to you with an apologetic look. "It's okay," you smiled reassuringly before pressing a kiss against his cheek. "Let's go home."

Steve nodded, quickly kissing your forehead before getting on the bike and signalling for you to do the same. You were pretty sure you heard him grumbling something about people learning how to drive, but you kept your giggling silent. Of course, being pressed up against Steve on the motorcycle did little to cool you down after the near steamy moment.

The night had gotten cooler as the sun set, encouraging you to squeeze closer to Steve. You hands tucked themselves in between his shirt and his jacket. The warmth radiating from him quickly warmed up your cold fingers, leaving you to feel the way his abs tightened when your hands shifted.

The ride back to the tower ended far too quickly for your taste. You would have spent the next hours pressed to Steve's warm back if he had let you. Instead, you found yourself standing next to him in the parking garage watching as he put the helmets away.

"I'll walk you to your room?" His offer received a nod from you, eager to spend any additional amount of time with him. His hand on the small of your back felt electrifying, even more so than earlier in the evening. You relished in the touch, eager to relive the moment from earlier.

When you reached your room, you paused with your hand on the door. Biting your lip, you turned around to look at Steve. He was closer than you expected, his eyes taking in the way you tugged your lip between your teeth. Once again, your throat was dry. You couldn't stop the raspiness in your voice when you spoke.

"I had fun tonight," you whispered, not missing the way his eyes flickered to your lips again.

"Me too," he whispered in return, not wanting to break the moment. He stepped closer, your bodies nearly touching when your hand fell from the door knob as you turned completely to face him. You both leaned in at the same time, your lips meeting briefly before returning with more pressure.

Your left hand wrapped around the back of his neck, pulling him closer as your right hand pulled him in by his jacket. Steve pulled you to him as well, one hand tangled in your hair and one squeezing your hip. The two of you were as close as possible and yet it was still not close enough.

Your not sure how long you stood there, back pressed against the door to your room, but eventually the two of you needed air. Your each parted just enough to breath, your foreheads still pressed together as you tried to calm your racing heart. When you finally caught your breath, and managed to meet Steve's eye, you were certain you were about to go another round when the sound of a throat clearing jolted you apart.

Tony stood at the other end of the hallway, a smirk playing on his lips. Before either of you could tell him off, Tony held up a hand. "It's a public hallway." Tony defended himself as he walked closer.

"In the middle of the night..." you countered eyes wide in confusion. Why would he interrupt you for no reason?

"Tony, why are you here?" Steve sighed, one hand reaching to take your own as if the idea of not touching you was too much for him to handle at the moment.

"Bad news I'm afraid. I thought you'd want to see it as soon as possible." The look Tony was giving you set you on edge. Although he was answering Steve, it felt like he was talking to you.

"A mission?" Steve questioned, his thumb now rubbing circles on your hand.

"Not exactly." He produced a tablet from behind his back, gesturing for you to take it. You reached for it with your free hand, looking at Steve in confusion. The two of you looked down at the screen together, your mind running wild the second you saw the picture.

You didn't know how to feel. It wasn't anything bad per say, but it wasn't ideal for the whole world to see it. However, you liked the picture. It reminded you of the evening you just shared with Steve, and honestly, you were kind of grateful for the feeling being captured in a photo.

You were leaning slightly against Steve's bike with him standing directly in front of you. His hands had found purchase on your hips, your own wrapped around his neck. Your lips weren't quite touching, but it was obvious that's where it was headed. Or at least, where it would've been headed if not for the screeching car.

The gratefulness didn't last long as you realized the implications of Tony having the picture. "How bad is it?" You squeezed Steve's hand, finding comfort in his presence next to you. Last time this happened it was brushed under the rug by the Winter Soldier. However convenient that was for PR, it was a nightmare to live through. Something told you nothing like that would save you this time.

Tony gave you a comforting smile before responding. "From what I can tell, only the one photo was taken." you breathed a sigh of relief, although it was minor. One photo was bad enough. "Thankfully, the photographer knew he could get more money from me than any media outlet."

The meaning of his words sunk in slowly, but when it fully registered you had to lean into Steve because of the relief.

"Tony... I... Thank you," you whispered. You felt horrible for putting Tony in such a position, especially when it was your job to prevent any scandalous Avengers themed headlines. "Oh my god, it's the middle of the night! Tony, I'm so sorry! After what happened with our picnic I should've known not to-"

"Don't beat yourself up about it. Just be more careful next time." He winked at you before departing, calling out one last time before he was gone, "and have fun!"

You could feel the blush even before you made eye contact with Steve. Of course, the feeling only multiplied afterward. Steve looked just as bashful as you.

"Do you want to talk?" You gestured to your door, offering a safe haven from the "public hallway". Thankfully, Steve nodded. You watched him as he made his way into your room, awkwardly standing in the middle. You sat on your bed, gesturing for him to join you, but he declined.

"Steve? What's wrong?" you asked carefully, honestly a bit scared of the answer. He was quiet for a moment, staring at a spot on the floor. You were about to ask him again when he finally spoke.

"What should you have known not to do?" he mumbled, only increasing your confusion.

"What?" you asked, not understanding the question.

"You told Tony you should've known not to. Not to what? Not to go out with me again?" His voice was wavering, as if he was struggling to reconcile the time you had just spent together with your attitude about the picture.

"Of course not! I'm so, so glad we went out." You could feel the tears burning in your eyes. It felt dramatic, and you were annoyed by them, but it made sense. It was a lot to process. You stood to meet his eye, trying to convey just how much you believed what you were saying. "Steve, that was single handedly the best date I've ever been on. I just should've known to be more careful about what a stranger could see."

"Oh..." He glanced at you, seeing the sincerity in your eyes. You could tell your answer has sparked some thoughts for Steve, so you waited for him with a patient smile. "So a secret relationship?"

You smiled nervously. A secret relationship was never something you thought you'd be part of, but for Steve it would be worth it. "Just a secret from the public, not from the team."

He nodded at your words, seeming deep in thought. It was nerve wracking to watch him ponder the idea of having a relationship with you. The longer you waited, the more your anxiety built. Maybe your job just made this too difficult for him. Starting a relationship is already so stressful, having to add the secret part on top of that just makes it that much harder.

"I've never been one for PDA anyway." Steve's words tore you from your negative thoughts. The two of you stared at each other, smiling like children when Steve spoke again. "So, would you like to be my secret girlfriend?" Despite you just saying Steve took you on the best date of your life, he still looked nervous to ask you.

"I would love to be your secret girlfriend, so long as you want to be my secret boyfriend?" you replied, an eager smile on your face.

Steve forewent a verbal reply, choosing to answer your question with a kiss. He poured all of his emotions into it, holding you as close as he could.

You returned the kiss with just as much excitement. It wasn't until the two of you needed to breathe that you separated.

"In case it was unclear, that was a yes." Steve joked, his cheeks betraying his blush.

"Oh good, otherwise you really would've been sending the wrong message," you joked back. Your smile only grew when he rolled his eyes.

"Oh, you're trouble." Steve pressed a quick kiss to your lips before backing away.

"Yeah, but you already knew that," you said with a smirk. Steve simply laughed in response. "I'll see you tomorrow?"

"Of course. We have our weekly lunches to uphold." Steve kissed you one more time before leaving.

You called a quick goodnight as you shut the door, nearly squealing when you were sure he was out of earshot. Tonight may have had a minor issue, but it was still one of the best nights of your life. After all the problems you and Steve have faced with being separated, finally being able to be together was all you wanted.

How hard could a secret relationship be?

You and Steve kept to your normal routine of eating lunch together and going out on Sundays. It was frustrating not even being able to hold his hand, but the fun outweighed the annoyance. Stealing kisses when nobody was around or texting each other dirty things made the beginning of your relationship interesting.

Plus, you could always spend time together in the residential area of the tower. You still had movie nights, albeit with some kisses thrown in, but you spent even more time with Steve. Whether it was making dinner together, or forcing Sam and Bucky to play a board game with you, the two of you could almost always be found together after work hours. The lack of affectionate time spent outside of the tower didn't bother you because you could spend so much time together inside.

Your life, although not what you pictured, felt perfectly balanced. You didn't realize just how easily that balance could be upended until Tony took over your surprise party for Steve's birthday.

"Y/N, how excited are you for tomorrow?" Wanda burst into your room, two dress bags in her hands.

"I'm excited, Wan. I still think Steve would prefer something small, but small isn't really in Tony's wheelhouse. I should've planned the whole thing and surprised both of them." You both laughed, knowing Tony was never one to turn down a party.

"I need your help." Wanda showed the two dresses she bought, one a long emerald v-neck with long sleeves, the other a black leather mini dress with cap sleeves. "Which one?"

You pictured her in both dresses, imaging the hair style and accessories she'd wear with each. "I like the green."

"Me too! I think Vis will like that one more too." Wanda spoke quickly as she zipped the bags back up. If she wasn't so quick to say "thanks for the help! I have to go find my accessories now" and leave, she might've noticed the shift in your mood. She might've noticed the tie you picked out for Steve sitting on your dresser. She might've noticed when you realized you couldn't actually go to your boyfriend's surprise party with your boyfriend because of one key detail. Secret.

After Wanda left, you only gave yourself five minutes to be upset. You and Steve agreed to keep your relationship private from the public for a reason. It wouldn't do to dwell on what can't happen. For you and Steve to tell the public you were together, he would have to admit he didn't have a soulmate song, and you would have to admit you were ignoring yours.

Ever since he came out of the ice, Steve Roger's soulmate has been the question people ask. Was it Peggy? If not Peggy, was it someone else from his time? Would he ever know who it was?

You know the truth. It's clear why Steve never talks about it. Especially if Bucky has a song and didn't used to. Talking about it would only serve to hurt him. You didn't mind ignoring your soulmate song. The familiar lyric of hopeless love was all it took to cast it from your mind.

So instead, you focused on Steve. You were ready for the party 3 hours before it began, not hesitating to help set up any decorations or equipment that still needed setting up. You were there to greet everyone who arrived before Steve, scolding Tony when guests arrived before him.

You were there when Steve walked in with Bucky. His eyes seemed to scan the room, stopping only when they found you. Turns out you didn't need to give him a tie. He already picked one out in the perfect shade of blue to compliment his eyes. The exact shade of blue you chose to wear for that very reason.

His eyes roamed your body, only being drawn away when the entire room shouted "surprise!" His reaction appeared to happen in slow motion, the confusion slowly giving way to understanding and appreciation.

He was making his way toward you, greeting and thanking anyone who stopped him to talk. At this rate, it would take the entire party for him to find you. Just before you could walk to him, a group of agents cornered him.

They were young, fit, excited about the world agents. The questions came faster than Steve could answer. You both knew it would be too suspicious for him to abandon the conversation simply to greet you. Instead, you gave him an encouraging smile and turned toward the bar.

Three drinks in, Steve found you.

"Hi," you greeted him with a warm smile, but he could see the disappointment in your eyes. You could see the regret in his, speaking up before he got the chance. "Don't you dare apologize. We signed up for this."

He chuckled, shaking his head slightly. "We did. I guess I'll just have to wait until we're alone to tell you how beautiful you are." His words caused a giddy smile to erupt on your face. Even after months of being together, Steve never failed to give you butterflies.

"Are you enjoying your party?" you asked, eager to change the subject for fear of doing something reckless.

"I am, it's wonderful." It was clear he believed the words, but you could tell it wasn't what he wanted to say. One look from you and he was spilling the truth. "If I'm honest something smaller would've been fine."

You sighed, having expected just the same. If it was a smaller party, you and Steve could have attended together. "That's what I told Tony, but you know how he gets. Bigger is better, and his friends deserve the best." You both laughed, enjoying the brief moment together.

"Dance with me?" Steve interrupts the silence. Seeing the look on your face, he continues, "Just one dance? Nobody will say anything about one dance with the birthday boy."

Rolling your eyes, you can't stop yourself from smiling. "Fine, one-" Before you can even finish the statement, Steve is whisking you to the dance floor. Just as you made it to the edge of the dance floor, the music shifted. The modern party music was left behind for some classic 40s.

You couldn't help but laugh as you and Steve spun around the dance floor, the words to Boogie Woogie Bugle Boy echoing in your ears. By the time the song was fading out, you were nearly out of breath. The combination of Steve swinging you around the room and the never ending laughter had you in stitches.

"And here I thought you couldn't dance?" you teased, laughing even more when Steve had the audacity to look shocked.

"I have no idea what you mean. One more?" he asked. You knew you were toast. You couldn't say no to those eyes.

"You're lucky it's your birthday," you huffed, already putting your hand back on his shoulder in preparation for the next song. Steve gripped your waist as the familiar opening lyrics to Dream a Little Dream of Me sounded through the room. It wasn't the slowest song in the world, but everyone was taking advantage of the break to just sway together.

You shifted your grip, placing both hands behind his neck. It took everything in you to not rest your head on his shoulder. Instead, you looked into his eyes, hoping you could convey everything you wanted to say with just your eyes.

You could feel the distance between you decreasing as the song continued, but you didn't have the willpower to do anything about it. You wanted to be close to him, and he wanted you close. It wasn't until the song tapered out and Bucky was asking to cut in that you realized just how close you were to blowing your secret.

"Happy birthday Steve," you whispered, chancing one more look at his face. His expression mirrored your own. A sense of longing mixed with resignation. There was nothing you could say as Bucky whisked you back onto the dance floor as an upbeat song you didn't recognize began to play.

Eventually, the party died down, leaving only residents of the tower in the room. Steve dragged you back onto the dance floor, swaying with you despite the upbeat melody. He held you close, and you relished the feeling. For the first time in years, a lyric from your soulmate song popped into your head.

Why can't I kiss you on the dancefloor?

You quickly brushed the thought aside. There was no use thinking about it when you knew Steve didn't have one. You're happy with Steve. There's no point focusing on what will only cause you both pain.

You stayed on the dance floor for a few more songs until you heard the tell tale signs of trouble brewing. Tony was dragging the karaoke machine over to the lounge area, ranting about how nobody has been using it.

"I spent $1,000 on this, and we are going to use it dammit!" he ranted. Even mildly drunk, Tony could set up a simple karaoke machine. You could hear everyone telling Tony that $1,000 is nothing to him, but he wasn't hearing it. "Everyone is singing! That includes you two!" Without lifting your head from Steve's chest you knew he was talking about you.

"Come on, let's just appease him," you said to Steve, pulling him over to the lounge. You graciously accepted the drink Nat handed you. "I'm gonna need this if Tony really forces us all to sing."

And force you to sing he did. Tony started things off with a rousing rendition of Back in Black surprising absolutely nobody with his choice of song.

Thor was so eager to participate in another "Midgardian activity" he let Tony choose his song. You all laughed and drank as he belted out the words to Bonnie Tyler's Holding out for a Hero.

Thor set a dangerous precedent, giving Tony the idea that he could choose everyone's songs. Wanda sang Baby One More Time, Bruce We Didn't Start the Fire. Clint joyfully sang Fancy Like, having Nat record it so he could send it to his kids. Sam somehow managed to convince Tony to let him sing Marvin Gaye. Nat forcefully moved Tony out of the way, choosing abcdefu to keep the party going.

Everyone was drinking and laughing, actually enjoying themselves now that the rest of the guests had left. Bucky glared the whole time he sang, but he and Steve managed to stutter their way through Alive by One Direction and Cold as Ice by Foreigner, respectively.

By the time it was your turn, everyone was wasted. It wasn't often the whole team got to relax like this, so it was nice to see everyone cutting loose. Tony pulled you up to the machine, overestimating the force required or underestimating his strength. Either way, the two of you crashed into the karaoke machine, knocking it over the railing.

You briefly looked over the edge, wincing at the various pieces that machine was now in. Tony, in his drunken state, looked devastated. You assumed he was upset about the broken machine, but he quickly showed what was upsetting him.

"You still have to sing!" Your eyes widened at his volume, but you didn't have much time to protest. Suddenly the whole room was agreeing, various statements about how "it's only fair" or "everyone else did."

"Okay, okay!" you shouted over everyone else. "I'll do it." You were far too drunk to regret any of your decisions, so you just started singing the first song that popped into your head. Everyone else was too busy cheering, they didn't realize none of them actually knew the song. Well, none but one.

When you hold me in the street And you kiss me on the dancefloor I wish that it could be like that Why can't it be like that? Cause I'm yours

We keep behind closed doors Every time I see you I die a little more Stolen moments that we steal as the curtain falls It'll never be enough

It's obvious you're meant for me Every piece of you, it just fits perfectly

You didn't notice as the mood died down, to caught up in pouring your heart out to even realize you were singing your soulmate song. Everyone was enjoying the song, albeit they assumed you chose it because of your secret relationship with Steve.

Why can't you hold me in the street? Why can't I kiss you on the dancefloor? I wish that it could be like that Why can't it be like that? Cause I'm yours

Why can't I say that I'm in love? I wanna shout it from the rooftops I wish that it could be like that Why can't we be like that? Cause I'm yours

You finished the song to more cheering, although Steve remained motionless. Even after it was over, you didn't realize what had happened. You were so relieved to have let go of the feelings you were holding in that you did the one thing you swore you would never do.

"I've never heard that song before, Y/N! Who sings it?" Wanda asked, jolting you back into reality. Everyone was looking at you expectantly, but you didn't have an answer. You didn't want to tell them it was your soulmate song. You already killed the mood with the song, no reason to dampen it even further by admitting the truth.

"I don't remember!" You knew you sounded crazy, but you were hopeful the alcohol would make everyone forget. "I'm pretty tired, so I'm gonna head to bed. Happy Birthday!" You pressed a kiss to Steve's cheek on the way out, unable to even look him in the eye. He simply stared as you left, having a hard time believing what he just heard.

You had fallen asleep as soon as you laid down, and when you woke up last night felt like a dream- or more accurately, a nightmare. Your only hope was to pretend like it never happened and pray everyone else was too drunk to remember. Unfortunately, your bubble of hope was popped almost immediately after you woke up.

"Y/N!" Wanda excitedly ran to you when you entered the kitchen, "please tell me you know who sings that song!" You panicked as everyone turned toward you.

"What song?" you questioned, looking confused as you took a seat. If hope wouldn't do, pretending you forgot was your best bet.

"The one you sang last night," Nat answered for her, eyeing you suspiciously.

"Oh, um... who sings that song..." You pretended to be thinking, all the while considering moving to Albania and starting a new life. You glanced at Steve, but couldn't keep your eyes on him.

"Do you at least know what it's called?" Wanda smiled hopefully, only adding to your guilt.

"Secret Love Song," you answered with no hesitation, eyes widening when you realized she was going to google it. In high school, during your "it's only an obstacle we'll have to work through" phase, you started calling it your secret love song.

"That's weird. I can't find it online." Wanda pouted just as the subtlest of smirks formed on Nat's lips. You couldn't take it. There was no way to hide this from them. Of course it's not online, only two people in the world know the song- and it doesn't even really have a name! You dropped your face into your hands, mumbling under your breath in an effort to avoid the embarrassment this would cause.

"Oh my god!" Thor suddenly exclaimed, feeling as though he figured something out. "You wrote it, didn't you? You are very talented Lady Y/N!"

Your head snapped in his direction, wondering how good of an out that would be. It was clear from everyone else's expressions they knew the truth, though. "I didn't write it, but thank you for believing in me Thor." With a deep sigh, you rose from your seat at the island. "It's my soulmate song."

It was clear nobody knew what to say, so you saved them the trouble. "I know it's pretty sad for a soulmate song, but I got over it a long time ago. No need to feel bad for me." You shuffled toward the exit, still talking so nobody could express their sorrow for you. "I'm just gonna go... do something."

With a wave of your hand, you practically ran from the room. You knew they would want to talk to you about it, but you didn't have it in you. Of course these people are practically your family, but that would only make their pity feel even worse.

Maximizing your efforts to avoid the impending conversations, you packed a bag and messaged Tony that you needed to cash in some days off. Just a week and you'd be back. The team could manage not to cause any major PR problems for that long, right? Your only real problem was Steve.

You knew it wouldn't be fair to him to just leave, but the idea of talking to him after singing your soulmate song while knowing he doesn't have one sounds like the eighth circle of hell. You could write him a note, but it felt too impersonal. You struggled with your decision, ultimately deciding to pack the car and then figure out what to do. Of course, nothing works out like it's planned.

You opened your door to leave, but froze in place at the sight of the man who has your heart. Steve's fist was raised as if he was about to knock. You both stared, neither knowing just what to say in the moment. Then, Steve's eyes shifted from your face to the duffle bag over your shoulder.

"Where are you going?" he asked, his face adorably scrunched in confusion.

"Oh, um... I need a few days off. I'll be back next weekend," you muttered, looking anywhere but his face.

"Were you going to say goodbye?" He sounded so hurt, it only made you feel even more guilty.

"I... I don't know. I was going to put this in the car and then decide," you feebly replied gesturing to the bag. "Steve, I'm so sorry." You still refused to look him in the eye, too afraid of the sadness you might see in his baby blues.

"I'm so, so sorry. I feel horrible. I never meant to do that to you. I... I overheard you talking to Bucky before you asked me to dinner. I know you don't have a soulmate." You could tell just by the way his stance shifted that he had something to say, but you barreled through with your ramblings. "I have never told anyone the lyrics to my song before. You can probably see why." You words were accompanied by a resigned laughter.

"To sing that song and remind you that there's someone out there who's meant for me- even if it might be a difficult relationship- knowing you don't have a song was so awful of me. I should've known better. I know we were drinking, but that's no excuse." Try as you might, you couldn't stop the tears you felt building. Your throat burned. Your vision went blurry. "I... I'm sorry."

You closed your eyes, trying to calm your breathing. The sound of your blood pumping in your veins echoed in your ears. You had no idea if Steve was even still standing in front of you.

"Y/N..." He took your hands in his, surprising you enough that your eyes flew open. "I do have a song," he said softly. He looked just as upset as you, albeit his tears were merely welling in his eyes at this point.

"Wha- what? But... but you told Bucky..." you sputtered, the confusion you were feeling increased as Steve slowly slid the bag off your shoulder. He guided you further into your own room, gently encouraging you to sit on your bed. He kneeled in front of you, wiping your tears as they fell.

"I told Bucky I didn't have a song because his was so happy. I didn't want to weigh down his mood with my song." He moved to hold your hands in his, gently rubbing his thumbs over the backs of your hands.

"You have a sad song too?" You hated to admit it, but somewhere deep inside of you, a flicker of hope started growing. He nodded, drawing a small notebook from his pocket. You watched as he opened to a specific page and handed you the book.

"This is from last year. I... I wanted to take you out because there was this new movie showing, and I just knew you would love it. But I couldn't. We're only a couple in the confines of this tower, and even that can be interrupted. So I saw it with Bucky and I wrote down all the parts I thought would make you laugh."

Your tears renewed themselves, although this time from the overwhelming love you were feeling. He flipped the page slowly, showing another entry.

"This one is from when that new tapas restaurant opened around your birthday. I wanted to take you there and celebrate. So, I dragged Bucky out with me and wrote down all the things I thought you would want to try."

He flipped through the pages, various date activities he wanted to do with you outlined in the book. They ranged from all day activities like ice skating and looking at the holiday decorations to little things like being able to hold your hand when you got coffee together. Eventually, he landed on the last page of the book.

"This one is from a few days ago. Tony said he was having a fourth of July party, and I wanted nothing more than to ask you what color you were wearing so we could match. So we could actually do something together around other people." He shook his head as a light laugh escaped his lips. "I guess the matching part worked out anyway." You nodded your reply, too overwhelmed with emotion to speak.

"When Bucky stole you away on the dancefloor at the party... all I could think about was my song. I spent the rest of the night wondering if you were thinking the same thing... and then you sang it right to me."

You were still crying, far too emotional to even try to contain the tears, but now your smile was shining through. A smile that definitely told Steve how exstatic you were at hearing his confession.

"I tried to tell you last night, but you fell asleep so quickly. And this morning I didn't want to just blurt it out over breakfast. And then you admitted it to everyone, and I was trying to leave to come tell you, but they kept saying you probably wanted space! It took me this long to realize I could just tell them I was going for a run and come up here instead-"

You cut off his rambling with a kiss. Steve, who was still kneeling in front of you, fell backward with the force of your embrace, pulling you down to the floor with him. The two of you were laughing and crying and kissing and far too engrossed in each other to realize the rest of the team had come to check on you after Tony asked what your message was about.

"I love you," you whispered between kisses, still laying on top of Steve on the floor.

"I love you too... soulmate," Steve whispered right back. Everyone else backed away as Nat slowly pulled the door shut. The two of you deserved your privacy.

"Soulmate... that's so much better than secret boyfriend," you beamed. You couldn't hold your smile back long enough to kiss Steve, so you buried your face between his neck and his shoulder.

"Definitely better than secret girlfriend," he confirmed, a slight nervousness to his voice. You pushed away from him to ask, but the words were already escaping him. "Does that mean we're secret soulmates now?"

You couldn't help but laugh, a mixture of joy and love escaping as you rapidly shook your head no. "No! It was only a secret because the whole world would crucify us for being together if we weren't soulmates. I mean, there will still be a story, but it will definitely be positive now. We could come right out and tell everyone, or just go about our lives and let them figure it out. Oh! We could-"

It was Steve's turn to cut you off with a kiss. He held you close, not really needing to do much as gravity was still holding you to him. "Let's not talk about work right now. I just want to be with you without all of this weighing us down." You agreed, pressing a quick kiss before surprising him by getting up. "Where are you going?"

"Well, I don't know about you, but I didn't eat breakfast." You grabbed your bag from where Steve dropped it, removing the essential things you would need for the day. "Would my soulmate like to accompany me to a breakfast... " you paused dramatically, "in public... with hand holding?"

Steve jumped up from the ground, spinning you around in a very similar fashion to the day he asked you to date him. "I would love nothing more."

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