#it was supposed to be in an office but whatever this works
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you can hear it in the silence
dnf - tooth-rotting fluff - 886 words
aka. the fluffiest fluff that ever fluffed :)
• • •
Lately, they’ve taken to sleeping in George’s room.
Which makes no sense, really, considering Dream’s bed is bigger, softer and the room itself closer to the main part of the house. Not to mention that his AC actually works like it’s supposed to and his curtains actually close all the way.
All of this, and they have still ended up under George’s covers every night for the last couple of weeks.
Like with most things these days, they can blame it on work.
George’s office is where most of the coding happens, because he is the one doing most of the coding, and it is conveniently located right next to his bedroom. So when Dream comes in at night, so tired he could fall asleep standing up, to pull George with him to bed, then well, it’s whatever bed is closest.
Not that Dream minds. He likes George’s room, even if it’s bare and boring. He also likes George, and sleeping next to him, and maybe those two facts outweigh everything else. Just maybe.
George who is all soft limbs and no sharp edges, and smells like home and is somehow always warmer than Dream is.
The truth is that he is the only person Dream can share a bed with and actually sleep better because of it. Whose breathing and tossing and turning lulls him to sleep rather than annoy him.
So yeah, Dream is fine with anywhere, any bed, so long as it’s the two of them in it together.
It is an early morning in the third week that the room thing becomes an issue.
The sound of birds chirping is usually pleasant… except when it’s the sound that wakes you up. Before sunrise. Slowly, Dream gets pulled from the comfortable depths of sleep, his face buried halfway in George’s hair.
Some quick deduction tells him that the birds are most likely sitting in the tree right outside of the window, and that there is nothing he can do to fix it. Great.
George stirs in his arms. “Can they shut up?��� He mumbles.
A smile makes its way onto Dream’s lips, despite his weariness.
“No,” he answers helpfully.
Somehow, each little tweet seems to be getting louder, more incessant, and Dream knows they need to move to a different room. They have slept a handful of hours at most.
“My room?” He offers, pressing a kiss to George’s shoulder. “Should be more quiet.”
George groans, rolling over and burrowing his face in the crook of Dream’s neck. It makes his skin buzz gently when George says, “Too far.”
It’s really not far at all but he decides not to go down that road now. They can talk technicalities about the distances in this house when the day starts for real, not when the need for sleep is weighing so heavily on them both. On George especially, apparently.
Dream noses at his hair. “My office then. It’s closer.”
No response, but he feels George’s hand slide up his chest over his t-shirt.
“Come on, baby,” Dream coaxes, taking the hand and lifting it off of him as he starts to sit up.
George groans, but starts to do the same. At about half the pace. Dream smiles at him fondly.
You would think he was being forced to do the most laborious task on planet earth with how much effort it seems to take him to move from lying down in the comfy bed to standing upright on the floor. Dream can’t really blame him, though; it felt a little bit like being ripped from a nice dream for him, too.
“Alright, I love you, let’s go,” he says, heading for the door and pulling George along behind him by the hand. He looks tousled in the best way, all sleepy and annoyed.
The hallway and the stairs are mostly dark, still. The light is that weird shade of grayish blue, and he wonders fleetingly if George sees it the same way.
Downstairs, George lets out a small scoff. “Why’d you say I love you?” He asks, rubbing at his eye with his free hand. “So dumb.”
Dream smiles, pushing at his office door. “‘Cause I love you.”
George scoffs again, but he doesn’t say anything else, which says enough in itself. Inside, it’s pitch black, and quiet. Completely quiet.
He lets go of George’s hand and puts a hand on his back instead, guiding him onto the bed before climbing in after him. He has never been more grateful that he keeps this bed fully made.
They settle down in the exact same position from before, with Dream closest to the wall and George in his arms, pressed as close as he can get. For a few moments it’s just their breathing and their heartbeats slowing in the silence.
“Better?” Dream asks, his voice a murmur.
George hums in agreement. Then, just a softly, “Love you.”
Dream smiles into the darkness, closing his eyes. He listens to George’s breaths evening out, the soft sounds of skin against fabric every time they shift in the sheets they’re sharing. Holding him close like this, just existing in the boyish and familiar smell of his shampoo and day-old aftershave, Dream feels like he is already dreaming.
Sleep washes over him like a ray of sunlight.
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I heard you're up for writing prowl (≧▽≦)!! Maybe just cute moments of reader and prowl cuddling or baking.... anything thats cute
I did it! I posted something!! Yippee!!!
This is fluffy prowl and reader movie night!!
It’s technically Earthspark Prowl, but I didn’t really do much of a deep dive into his character so it’s just kind of an amalgamation of Prowl’s in my head.
Anyway, enjoy :-)
Movie night. Your favorite time. It just happened to be incredibly difficult to set up with a guy hellbent on working 24/7. Luckily, you knew how to be creative by now. And so when you located a particularly bountiful energon deposit, a plan started to come together.
…
“Don’t.” He rumbled, “Do not touch that.”
Prowl loomed over you like an angry building, but you knew better than to be worried. The mine you’d “accidentally” found was a treasure trove of glittering, luminescent crystals reminiscent of the fantasy worlds in your dreams. It was beautiful, but not your mission. His, maybe, but not yours.
Being about the size of Prowl’s palm, you had to watch your step everywhere you went, else you somehow impale yourself on an energon shard. Of course, you used this to your advantage.
“Hm? Why? You scared?” You teased, just slightly poking the tip of a particularly sharp one.
“No, I’m concerned. You’re going to get yourself hurt.”
“What’s the problem? I see you drinking this stuff all the time!”
“Yes. Because I run on it, you don’t— it’s not even processed yet! So stop touching it.”
“Oh… I don’t know, it looks pretty delicious…”
“Are you glitched?”
“We’re about to find out!” You just about graze your teeth on a crystal before you are unceremoniously yanked away by a gigantic metal hand.
“Seriously, what in Primus’s name do you think you’re— oh. Oh. You little— don’t give me that, I can see what you’re doing!”
“Oh? And what am I doing exactly?” You grinned. He growled back.
“You have the right to remain silent. We’re going back to base and reporting this to Prime.”
And so you did. And he carried you the entire way back. You didn’t want to stay there for any longer than you had to, as pretty as it was, because tonight was movie night.
Prowl never left a job unfinished when it was right in front of his face. You suspected he would try and execute every procedure ever passed into law when it came to new energon deposits on an alien planet, even if he’d been living there for months now. And he would’ve done it right there. Standing in the equivalent to a cave full of explosives. Like a stubborn idiot.
You also knew that, if he didn’t do it, the rest of the Autobots would. Like they’re supposed to. Because it’s their job. With a mine like that, they’d be occupied for the entire night. How convenient…
…
When you finally arrived back at headquarters, he was already heading to his office. “Office” being a loose term here, as it was really just a room he put a desk, chair, and datapads in. The most basic, bland, boring kind. That was all he needed.
But not you. And you were going to make sure your plans went through.
“PROOOOOWL!!” You yowled right next to his audial receptor. He’d been doing whatever important report, but you figured it could wait.
“AGH!” He jointed up in his head, “WHAT?!”
“It’s almost time! Movie night!”
“Oh- you little fragging scraplet, can’t you see I’m doing something important?”
“More important than Terminator? Or Robocop?”
“Leagues more important than those sorry excuses for mechanical representation.”
“Oh, fine, I’ll just… put on Spaceballs…” He stopped.
“You wouldn’t.”
“I would. And I’d play it so loud that you could never focus on your work.”
“Don’t—” but you had already slid down his desk, racing to the adjacent room.
“YOU— DO NOT PLAY THAT AWFUL FILM!”
“I can’t hear you over the sounds of LONE STARR and his GOOFY GANG of SILLY characters!”
He could never catch you in time. Not because he wasn’t fast enough, no, he could pick you up in a second, but because you already had the trap set. The room you’d ran into was decked out with the best projector tech you could find. (AKA, the best projector tech you could convince Nightshade to make without turning the movie into a 5D nightmare) You had popcorn, energon candy, a mountain of blankets, and quite the wide array of tasteful films.
When he finally entered your snare, you received the most withering death glare known to mankind. But everything that withers must also bloom, and you could see joy behind his optics. Mostly because they were shining significantly brighter than usual. Hah, and he thinks you can’t tell when he’s hiding his real feelings.
The fairy lights you’d set up glowed a beautiful gold against otherwise dark corners. Your face was just slightly visible, especially with how small it was compared to him, but you knew he could see your beaming smile. He let out an exaggerated ex-vent, doorwings forcefully dropping and optics rolling. Still, once he finally sat down next to you, you saw them perk right back up again.
“We aren’t watching that horrendous mockery of a movie, right?”
“Psh, I don’t even have the DVD anymore. You broke it after flipping the table. Tonight, you get to decide what we watch.”
“Wait, I… but I thought you enjoyed choosing the film.”
“Sure I do. But I want to watch what you want to watch tonight.”
And his optics grew bright again, illuminating your wide selection of 80’s, 90’s, and early 2000’s DVDs. Breakfast Club, Mean Girls, Star Wars, The Godfather, Planet of the Apes… everything you could think of he hadn’t already seen.
So you were a little caught off guard when he chose The Princess Bride. Something he’d seen nearly ten times already.
Oh, sure, he played it off as an excuse to ‘get to know human culture’, but the same could be said for every other movie on the planet. You didn’t argue.
As the night progressed, you were eventually able to get him to pick you up. For a guy who claims to dislike soft things, he sure does put up with a lot of pillows and blankets for you.
You tried not to move when he unconsciously ran a digit down your back. Or when he pet your hair. Or when he adjusted himself to make sure you weren’t about to fall out of his fabric covered palm.
You fell asleep long before the movie ended. You couldn’t possibly know that he denied every call on his comm link, shooed away any bot curious enough to crack open the door, and completely forgot about the report that had been oh so important earlier.
You also couldn’t know that, had he wanted to, he could just turn his audials off if he didn’t want to hear you watch Spaceballs. He could’ve left you at the base when he realized you’d stumbled upon an energon mine. He could’ve made you leave his office when he worked on his reports. But he didn’t. He didn’t because the minuscule weight you provided in his servos was everything he needed.
Work could wait just a little longer. Tonight was movie night.
#me? writing? unheard of.#I wasn’t really expecting to finish this today but I did!!#This is just a slightly more refined Drabble I think#im not sure. I am very eepy.#tripleglitch answers#tripleglitch ask#transformers g/t#transformers#tripleglitchwrites#g/t#transformers earthspark#prowl x reader#g/t fluff#fluff
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flowers she gave him pt. 1
A/N: Hi loves!! So excited to finally share this story that has been brewing in my head for what feels like forever. I haven’t posted any of my writing publicly for years! So this is a big step for me, and I just couldn’t keep these thoughts to myself any longer. I want to say the biggest thank you to @luiscarrutherss and @galarian-weezing-on-prep for not only reading the early draft but making me feel excited to write and share my story. Also my girlfriend for helping me edit and watching succession. This will be a friends to lovers slow burn, so if that’s your jam like mine stick around! Anyways, enjoy mwah!
The floor was silent. Most people had gone home hours ago, the lights off in most offices. It was always so odd this time of night — looking out over all the different worlds happening just below, life continued on so vividly yet it felt so stiff and halted here.
It wasn’t the plan to have been here this late. Really he should have picked you up hours ago, the dinner reservation that had been made earlier this week now way past check in.
The reservation was Roman’s idea. Maybe a poor attempt at an apology, the only way a Roy knew how to apologize — dance around it yet never letting it fully resolve. You were used to it by now, a lifetime of Roman had made you well familiar. Yet this time felt different. Roman for once in his life was being distant, independent. He would blame it on work, family, stress, but you knew him better than that.
Tearing your eyes from the window, you look at your phone. Still nothing from Roman, not even a heads up that he would be an hour late to the aforementioned reservation. The thought of sending another ignored text filled you with a sense of irritation. Why wait here when you could see him face to face?
Without a second thought you haphazardly throw your things into your bag, muttering softly to yourself. The lights of your borderline clinical office flick off as you shut the door.
The way to Romans office was nearly tattooed in your brain from years of walking back and forth. Though your office was just down the hall, tonight it felt like a dreadful journey into unfamiliar territory. This wasn't how the night was supposed to go.
Turning the corner you could see him through the thick glass walls. He was staring at his computer, full attention to whatever was on the screen. You swear you had never seen him work so hard in his life… or at least pretend to work this hard. With a soft sigh, you walk into the office and stop in front of his desk, his eyes not once glancing from the screen.
“Late night?” The tone of your voice is dry, maybe a bit sarcastic. You weren’t used to this Roman, the detached, focused type. He had always been clingy, willing to throw his work down as soon as you had walked in.
Even standing directly in front of him, his eyes still never move from the screen. Moving his free hand from the desk to run through his already tousled hair, he hums softly, not bothering to give a full response.
Another sigh leaves your mouth and you turn to take a seat on the piece of foam covered in velvet they called a couch, there more for decor than actual comfort.
~~~
While your back is turned, Roman’s eyes glance quickly to you. The perfect image of a long day, he watched as you slowly dropped your bag without a thought. The whole day he had fought the urge to text you and watched the minutes tick past the planned reservation. He didn’t understand why he was doing this, pushing you away and trying to hurt you. Yet he felt like he was the only one hurting here.
As quick as his eyes lingered on you they were back on the screen, looking at the same report sheet he had been rereading for over an hour now. The sight of you settling on the couch out of the corner of his eye made his brows furrow softly. Why was he doing this again?
“Uh, ya know, Dad had me do some stuff.” He mumbles softly in response, his voice high in octave and almost tense. God, he didn’t even believe himself. He rips the hand in his hair down and begins to rapidly type something on the computer, trying his best to sell his stupid ‘busy’ act. You weren’t buying it, but it was unspoken that you and Roman never really did feelings — maybe that's why you were still so close.
~~~
Sighing, you pull your phone out and slip off the uncomfortable shoes you were wearing. It seems like Roman won’t be finished anytime soon, so neither will you.
The two of you work in a tense but comfortable silence, you clearing old emails and roman rapidly slamming keys. It was routine, though it didn’t keep you from noticing that what was once so familiar was now slowly changing. The silence still comfortable, yet more deafening than before.
“We had a reservation for tonight, did you forget?” Your voice breaks the silence, addressing the elephant in the room. Panning your view to roman, you can tell the question makes him squirm. The vein on his forehead bulged, his eyes widening ever so slightly at the screen.
You wait to hear some poor excuse, something around how it wasn’t his fault or to fuck off… but it never comes. Roman just continues to slam on the keys, the discomfort only growing on his face.
Sitting up, you nearly roll your eyes for what feels like the hundredth time of the night. You didn’t have time to waste sitting twiddling your thumbs to expect a coherent response from Roman when he obviously wasn't interested in giving you one. Slipping on your tight shoes, you grab your bag and rise wordlessly.
You look at Roman, hoping for something. For him to look at you, acknowledge that you were here for him. His eyes remained glued to the screen, though it seems like there is a deeply rooted panic there. 5...10…30 seconds go by and he does nothing.
The voice in your head repeating a mantra of fuck this over and over finally wins, and you turn to the door to leave. Though it hurt, you were tired of this back and forth. That, and your bed sounded much more appealing than the stone couch.
~~~
The second you leave Romans office, his eyes tear from the screen to your disappearing figure. The feeling of panic that had been bubbling in his chest all week started to explode into a deeper fear — you were walking away. He knew he deserved it, but still — what the fuck? Part of him thinks to leave you be and ignore your texts again, but his heart is screaming at him to follow you, chase after you and stop pushing you away like he had been for weeks.
He rises from his desk, leaving his computer unlocked and hastily makes it over to where you’d gone off to.
~~~
It feels like the elevator is taking forever on purpose. Maybe to taunt you for waiting for Roman, or maybe because deep down you had hoped he would come after you. Still, you waited for the doors to open so you could forget about today and the weird feeling in your chest at your best friend ignoring you. Why did it feel like you might actually lose him this time? Roman had seen you through your worst, and you’d seen him through his. But this dynamic was new, and didn’t feel like something you could recover from.
Finally, the high pitched ding breaks you from your thoughts, the doors sliding open to the luxury elevator awaiting you. Stepping in, you scan your badge and wait to be taken to ground level once again. Wine sounded good tonight, lots of it.
The doors begin to close, but before they can shut a hand is shoved between them, forcing them to open. Roman. He was there, face slightly flushed. It was funny, because Roman had never been the one to chase after you originally.
~~~
The sun felt hot – almost scorching. It was the end of June and finally it was starting to feel like summer in the hamptons. The backyard seemed to stretch on forever and was decked in long tables covered in lavish meals. This was a yearly event Logan held for his “partners” and their families — It was for the people who knew where the bodies were hidden. The whole ‘get away’ was to keep them close.
Though the event was mostly filled with adults, a few children were scattered around. A boy almost in his older teens, one a few years younger doing his best to fit in with the adults. An even younger boy with messy hair and big eyes, a young girl with fiery red hair, and lastly another girl who didn’t really fit in with the others. Yet that didn’t stop her from trying.
“Roman! Look at this – it's a worm!” You held out the stick with a worm dangling from it, the soft blue dress hanging on your tiny frame most definitely ruined. The wide grin on your face only grew as Romans eyes widened in disgust as he turned in the opposite direction. You would only start to chase after him again in response, as you had all afternoon.
This was a game between just you and Roman — you bugged, poked, nagged, and in response he would run away, gag, and ignore. For some reason your tiny brain just never got the memo that he couldn’t stand you. Things were easier back then. Innocent.
The sound of a loud bell stops you in your steps, Roman halting ahead of you. Dinner time. Placing the worm gently back to the ground you follow the children you came to know as the Roys.
The feeling of eyes on you from your parents and other bodies burnt like fire on your skin as you approached the dinner table. You hadn’t meant to dirty the dress, but running through the vast yard with the people you called “friends” had made you forget — forget that this was a performance, and that you needed to set a good example so that your family could stand out. Your mother would have words to say about this later.
Each child slid into their assigned seat at their own table away from the adult conversations happening at the other, longer table. You couldn’t help but feel a little relieved — you didn’t fully understand that whole world yet at the ripe age of 5, but you knew enough to be bored. Shiv felt the same way you did, her face more relaxed now than it had been at the sound of the ringing bell.
Roman’s seat was the one next to yours, and it was made obvious by the soft groan that left his mouth when he saw the tag of his name next to yours. Dramatically, he pulled his chair from the table, each action over dramatized and nearly throwing his body into the seat. Though the sour look didn't last long on his face as his eyes panned over to you and your dirty blue dress.
“Mommy and Daddy won’t be very happy with that, now will they?” The sour look fades from his face, a devilish grin replacing it. His tone is teasing and rude. It wasn’t anything new with Roman, though. The only attention he spared to give you was the more unpleasant kind. But it didn’t stop your obsession with trying to break him down and play with you.
You return his comment with a pout and look away from him, your hands finding themselves busy undoing the neatly folded table napkin at your place setting. Gently your fingers pull it apart, corner by corner. Finally you place it gently on your lap, your head high as you reply. “It was an accident. Maybe if you played nice, I wouldn't be messy.”
Roman was almost surprised with the response he was met with, a little smirk filled his lips. He couldn’t help but feel put in his place. He nodded to himself, taking the napkin and ripping the cloth out of its fold. Vastly different from the way you had done it with so much meaning. Maybe you weren’t as annoying as Roman thought.
The dinner was pretty tame. The children made soft conversation about various topics — the summer vacations they had planned, the extracurriculars, the movies they wanted to see. While the adults stuck to business conversation, how it always was and would be. It felt nice though, for once being around other children who somewhat understood your lifestyle. That, and it was a lot better than the company of your au pair.
After dinner, you find yourself with Shiv in the garden playing a game of fairies while running around the well maintained garden of roses. The sound of your feet against the gravel and shared giggles is all that can be heard — a pure moment of childhood innocence. Your dress slowly changed into one more brown than blue, Shiv’s own dress dirtying as well. It didn’t matter though, because for once you were just girls playing.
Logan’s booming voice rips you and Shiv from the moment. You can’t make out anything he is saying, but the both of you know it can't be good. You look to Shiv but her eyes are already on your face, wide and crystal blue. Then you hear it clear as day, the only word that mattered. Roman.
Looking around, you find a flower from one of the many bushes and pluck it gently, making sure to not damage any petals. You didn’t know Roman well yet but you knew well enough that this was normal. The sound of Logan's booming voice most times directed at him, as he seemed to always be the easiest target. Though, there was something about this time that felt worse than the others.
Without a second thought you run off, away from Shiv and the flower garden, carefully cradling the small white flower in your palm. The soft sound of sniffling guiding where to go, eventually leading you to the side of the oversized house.
There he was — sitting on the floor, knees to his chest, and a hand holding his cheek in pain. The spitting image of a kicked puppy.
This was worse than the other times.
Wordlessly you sit next to Roman, eyes not daring to look at him, but glued to the wall with ivy overgrowing. Before Roman can protest or run away, you bring the small white flower into view. A smile fills your lips before placing the flower onto his knee with all the care in the world.
That was the moment everything changed.
~~~
The elevator doors open fully and Roman steps into it with you. Your name falls from his lips as his hands comb through his hair for the umpteenth time that night. “Look– Fuck. Let’s just grab dinner, okay? There’s gotta be someplace still open and half edible around the block.”
You can tell he is trying his best to contain his expression and stay in control of the moment, but he's failing. Miserably.
His hazel eyes watery and nearly pleading, begging you to look at him and forgive him for being a total ass.
Looking him up and down, you hesitate. Maybe to make him sweat or to make him feel how you did all day, you weren’t sure.
“Wherever we go, I want hashbrowns.” You tear your eyes away from roman and click the button that would take you to the lobby. Immediately there is air in the elevator again, Roman’s pleading eyes vanishing. He always seemed to get his way with you.
#roman roy#roman roy x reader#roman roy x you#kieran culkin#Kieran culkin characters#succession#succession hbo#succession fanfiction
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🤫
#call of duty#modern warfare#call of duty modern warfare#MWII#CoD MWII#CoD MWIII#MWIII#blender renders#Phillip Graves#Philip Graves#Shadow Company#CoD OC#OC: Jax#Jackie Ramirez#Ship: High Places#kjskjbsdgkjbksdgjb oopsie#getting silly in the interrogation room#it was supposed to be in an office but whatever this works
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just read a delightful OT3 story in another fandom involving hot baths and massages, and now I am directly yoinking a bunch of its beats so I can tell myself a bedtime story about Lisa and Kaeya bullying Jean into a hot bath and massages. 10/10, do recommend
#she comes back filthy and exhausted from a big battle#and lisa is like 'you're not getting in my bed in that state'#jean is confused. there was no previous discussion of getting in lisa's bed. this was supposed to be kaeya's date night#and now will inevitably be swallowed up by post-mission reports#(but she and kaeya can sneak in some late-night couch cuddles while reviewing everyone else's reports. so it's fine. really)#at which point lisa informs them both that they are having their date night in her bathroom#look at them. merely stepping into the office would create an hour's worth of work for noelle. add another hour for every item they touch#do they want to do that to noelle? of course not. how COULD they#at which point kaeya is pretty enthusiastically getting with the program. surely they can write their reports at lisa's. once they're clean#waiting to review all the others' reports until tomorrow will give them the chance to clean up first too. great for morale#(and obviously lisa will now be inviting herself along on the bathroom date. it's her tub#jean will just have to endure both of them loving on her at once. how terrible. whatever will she do)#...damnit. logging this for later to see if i can write the bath-and-massages without actually completely ripping off this other writer#anyway#jean has two hands and two aides: coincidence?
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my upstairs neighbor is actually fucking insane and idk how im supposed to keep living like this 🙃
#it sounds like he's moving stuff and renovating constantly every day#like .... this is not normal and NO ONE would be able to be ok with living like this when it's been over a year of this#it's like that chinese torture method#when you're locked in a room and they let a bucket drip constantly non stop every day#the same noise all the time you cant escape will affect your psyche very negatively#like i cant escape because inside my own home i have to listen to some fucking crazy person#move stuff around all the time#and like i know he does illegal work and has a workshop up there but no one cares#like even if i'd contact the landlord office they wont care or do anything#so im just forced to live beneath some pos who makes noise... all day... everyday. it drives me crazy#like maybe some of y'all think im whiny or stupid or exaggarating but THIS IS NOT NORMALLLLLLLLL#you're not supposed to hear your neighbor have a workshop from home everyday all day#those noises drive me insane i cant live like thissssss i hate it#i dont like being a snitch or whatever but i've started to consider reporting him for the illegal work he does#but im not gonna bc they wont do anything#ppl are allowed to do whatever they want 💗#but if they drive you insane and you snap suddenly YOURE the bad guy and will end up in prison#everyone are insane i hate everyone im going crazy i fkn hate him so much#sometimes i consider just doing the deed and k wording him#then at least i will never be homeless bc i can live in prison. and i'll always have food lol#and i can exercise and write and read... learn languages. yeah sounds cool
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It's always interesting to hear about people's weird/unexpected "alternate life paths". Like, something that you could have done with your life, a job you almost took, a school you almost went to, etc - that was still actually realistic enough that it could have happened, but NOW it seems to not suit your current personality.
Like for example, I currently hate advertising (how manipulative it is, brands trying to be 'relatable', social media amplifying it to an obnoxious extreme, etc.) so much that even seeing a little ad before a youtube video is grating to even witness, but there was a point in time where I was genuinely seriously considering going into marketing/making commercials as a career lol. Or like, I have a relative who was very inclined to be a pastor when they were younger, even though today they're a super strong atheist, etc. etc.
#BECAUSE I knew I really liked filming and editing things and doing set design and costume design (from having done little bits of that#here and there in media classes and my own stuff - i used to be a lot more into making videos than I am now). BUT I was always thinking#that a movie is WAAY to big and long. even a short film. So I was trying to think of ways I could still like#have the fun of scouting locations to film and dressing up actors and etc. etc. without it having to be a Huge Million Dollar Production#on tv show or movie level. SO then I was thinking about like... just doing commercials. Or music videos. Like shorter things where I still#get the fun of the filming and everything but it's less of an intensive long term project.#So there is an alternate version of me (I suppose if i somehow did not end up having physical and mental health issues#as badly somehow.. or like.. randomly came into wealth and was able to pay my way through a nice college despite missing#days constantly being out because I'm sick or something lol) that works in some corporate advertising office coming up with commercials#and directing or filming them or doing the sets for them or something in that general vicinity.#I also was considering being a corporate psychologist. or whatever its called.. oh from google:#''Industrial and organizational (I/O) psychologists study and assess individual group and organization dynamics in the workplace''#I don't think I even knew what the job entailed. I was at the time just thinking like.. the type of person that comes into a business offic#and gives everyone personality assessments or does MBTI or big-5 testing crap for whatever reason that some businesses get that#done for people. Really i just wanted to be in a Corporate Big Office setting yet still do psychology. Because I used to be really fixated#on living in a big city. Like the ideas of everything being walkable. picking up a coffee in the morning. walking to my job in a Big#Skyscraper Building. people watching in a huge hotel lobby for lunch. flying frequently (I love airplanes and airports aesthetically).#living in an apartment with a giant window overlooking the city. etc. etc. BUT that was before i had really BEEN to a city. Then I actually#hung around a city a few times and went places and I was like... AUGh... The Sensory Overwhelm.. cars people lights loudness noise scary#everything happening all at once. etc. etc. (though even when I wanted to live in a city i NEVER strove for the Night Life. when i say I#enjoy city imagery I mean like... in the day time. Many people who like cities talk about The Night Life and post pictures of cities all#lit up at night and clubs and dancing and restaurants. none of that EVER appealed to me. perhaps a sign I am not a real city person. Like#I am NOT standing in a crowded bar full of loud people in the middle of the night lol.. get AWAY from me!!) but I do adore the#architecture of like bright white clean sterile modern spaces like huge airport lobbies or malls or etc. I think thats what reminded me of#city and what I liked about the idea of that life. Like I always LOVED the layout of schools and hospitals and trainstations and public#transport in general. Though even then I knew enough that I would not be a good architect/city planner. so I guess my adoration for those#spaces was merely to be channeled into LIVING there. but then I realized I didn't even really want to do that that much. I mean I still#definitely aim to live NEAR a city. like the little areas outside of it. I would never live in a rural place 4 hours from anything. I liter#ally just COULDNT since I need close access to hospitals sometimes lol. But I used to want to live in the CENTER of citites like high rise#condo. and now I'm like.... eh....... perhaps a smaller quieter walkable space nearby lol.. ANYWAY.. alternate me in my Business Suit eheh
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Sailor Merope!!!
#crazy coconuts#my art#dnd#eddie#we need more sailor gaurdians that aren't size 00#i looked more at cosplayers than offical art (although like every other one. very much directly referred to an image for the pose + outfit-#but this was never supposed to be an exercise in pose or clothing. it was intentionally easy bc it was for fun)#(fair warning. long explanation incoming. also very little actual sailor moon knowledge)#ANYWAY merope is actually just a snappy version of what Im trying to say#which is def something to do with the pleiades (the dnd campaign is very christian. the associated love of 7. its the 7 sisters. you get it)#the pleiades especially work bc they fulfil sailor moon's love of space + greek myths/things in general#although. upon looking at the actual naming conventions most of the greek ones seem to be villains?#theres also whatever the animamates are doing#buuuut villains or not the ambiguity does sorta work bc i dont fully think we're being all that morally good in our dnd campaign#the stars in the pleiades themselves are named after their associated greek sisters too#anyway. merope was only specifically chosen bc she is often the “lost sister” so to speak#aka the explanation for why we can only generally see 6 of the brightest stars with the naked eye anymore#(the astrological explanation is that those things move! theyre movin right now! the 7 sisters are just that old of a story)#the missing sister thing is funny to me with my girl who would generally rather hide away forever#buuutt she was also the wife of sisyphus. which i could honestly explain away or ignore but its enough of a Thing#that i could see the other sisters working as well#but this explanation alone has had me sifting through astronomy websites and sailor moon wikis for over an hour#so i need to stop before i start looking into places to watch sailor moon#WAIT before I go. I would be embarrassed to not amend my previous statement about the missing sister#sometimes its electra! because she is distraught by the destruction of troy#very well could work better. but its too late. i have written so much. we must live with merope. gods know sisyphus didnt :}c
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it's the most ridiculous fuckin thing that one of the ways my disability disables me is by making me,,,,,, literally incapable of doing anything outside of my hyperfixation
like imagine being incapable of existing as a functional human because you Like One Thing Too Much Right Now
like bro no wonder people dont believe in adhd bc like how am i supposed to explain that i physically can't get my brain to do anything productive and it's taking real effort not to just open up bg3 or go to bed bruh i wouldnt believe me either
'just dont play the game' bruh i haven't opened the game all day and all i've been able to do is stare at social media like i got some housework done (which i would've been able to do with the game open regardless) but i've been trying to get my head into writingspace all day and i just end up dissociating at my pc thinking about how sleepy i am
#adhd problems#intrusive sleep#hyperfixation#back when i worked in an office this was fine bc my hyperfixation *was* my writing#so i was writing a fuckin novel instead of doing whatever shit i was supposed to do XD#but that's still disabling even if it happened to align with my personal desires#bc like#i wouldve been disciplined if they found out#i could have lost the job and flunked the apprenticeship#i'm not upset bc like eh i'm enjoying bg3#it's just annoying#vent#?
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how about if... i just... don't do my work.....
#ohhh right i was supposed to connect my phone! i totally forgot about that!! and i didn't read that par#of the email you sent me... just all other parts... and even though you told me to do it this tuesday and also last week i just forgot...#pls i'm so unmotivated#i speedran a lot of my work stuff but now it's like#my job computer has freaked out and i should go to the like it services help but i just can't be bothered#idk the guys working there are kinda sketchy (and they're probs on lunch break rn) plusssss i don't have a like access card (????) so like#if i leave the office i cant really get back in so i'll have to knock on the door and hope someone lets me in lol i just don't wanna#the only assignment i have left for the day is something i need the work computer to do but i just don't wanna talk to people to get help..#also none of my bosses or coworkers in my department are here... its just me and this one lady from the economy department so no one knows#she either listening to really loud music in her headphones or she doesn't even have headphones?? either way i can hear her music clearly 😶#also!! the n1 thing i should do but just cant is#im supposed to go to the front desk and like connect my phone to my boss's number so i get her calls because shes on holiday or whatever#but like... i still really really *really* can't talk on the phone#there's just no way im doing that#i just don't know how to fake like#sounds believable?#much more fun to rant in tags than to work 👍#and to think of how obsessed i am with lando norris#OMG PAUL F2 ANNOUNCEMENT RN AS IM TYPING AAAAAA#HELP
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really wish there was a tag that separated “I’m having Big Angry and/or Angsty Opinions about Star Wars” from “I’m goofing off with Star Wars I’m playing in the sandbox none of this is real so yes I will make my blorbo and this random glub shitto go on an adventure that makes no logical sense” posts because there’s too much of the former and not enough of the latter for my current mental state
#starlight personal#the good news is that I finally have another ketamine appt scheduled and it’s sooner than I thought they’d have an opening#the bad news is that the appointment is not tomorrow and we’re kinda at the end of my mental-emotional rope#now kids this is what we call: an inherent flaw in my treatment plan that cannot be removed#because pretty much in an ideal world I’d have ketamine appointments every 6 weeks but 1) expensive and probs can’t afford that#2) they don’t have enough availability for that to be realistic 3) can’t take off of work THAT frequently without consequences#4) I would probably start to doubt reality if I was tripping that frequently 5) I don’t think docs would allow it#treatment resistant depression and anxiety my beloathed if we could just chill that’d be great#treatment resistant PMDD my other beloathed someday I will do my damnedest to cut you out of my body#idk not to be too selfpitying on main but god it fucking sucks that I appear to be doomed to another cycle based mood thing#PMDD means I get two good weeks two bad weeks#ketamine being the only effective treatment for whatever my brain’s got going on means two good months followed by x bad months#until my next appointment#which like! two good months is better than no good months I am grateful that something helps#I just wish it was a more convenient help and it could be applied more consistently than my psych office provides#also wish I didn’t have to call them 3 times to get it scheduled but it is what it is#also also wish that I had fewer of the physical side effects of my anxiety and wouldn’t wake up puking the min things are rough#this is all to say: I want silly SW headcanons and droid headcanons and silly fic ideas and not Everyone is Always Suffering#but I’m also too lazy (I.e brain cannot make decisions rn) to search for new tags that may give me more silly#which means time to browse my bookmarks for good good comfort fics I have saved I suppose#(this is lowkey why i want to physically fight everyone i know who’s like ‘yeah meds would help but idk :/‘ like!!!!!!!!#bro it’s a privilege to have access to meds and it’s a privilege to have a body that doesn’t turn on you the min you take one!!!!#just try 10mg of zoloft I would kill for 10mg of zoloft to not make me entirely incapable of functioning!!!)#I don’t mean that - you have a right to take or not take medication and everyone’s reasons may be their own#I just had my body and have some rough feelings around treating my issues being so expensive and inconvenient#and then feeling guilty b/c I know I’m lucky that I can afford it and can take off of work for it when I need to#like I am pretty lucky to have something that works and to have a care team that helped me get here#so I don’t wanna be ungrateful or unappreciative of my own luck in this and the work that went into getting here#I’d just also like it if I could change the circumstances slightly#make treatment on the weekends an option - get my psych office to have more than 2 trip sitters so scheduling isn’t so bad
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#just an observation bc im avoiding working on stuff but i draw a lot and post basically everything i draw thst gets finished#and its v funny to me how u can tell how out of focus i was based on the quality of the drawing#or like when i post something and its like ok some of that was good but u def gave up halfway thru one of those lol#inconsistency i funny like that. its also funny to me that now a days i get comments like COLORS!!!#which is funny bc i notoriously haaaaaate coloring. like i will sit around whining and complaining when im home with my parents bc i dont#wanna color. its just so easy to fuck things up when u draw traditionally and it takes a million years so its a big ask lol#but i guess i dont hate is so much right now bc i kinda just slap whatever colors i want together like fuck it we ball#and thats kinda fun. reckless i suppose#its agony when u wanna try to do shadows and lights tho. like finding references ugh#or wanting to draw big ideas but then its like oh god its gonna take so long and if i dont do it all in one sitting i might die#im a lil better abt thst now bc it would b impossible but in my head i still hate it#ugh. all i wanna do is draw. theres another universe where i went to art school. or just like took art classes. and i wanna say id b happier#but thats def a lie XD i like learning too much and i dont have the attention span to hardcore learn genetics outside an academic#environment. and i got way too excited abt exploring the genetic traits of my cyano species#like i can make genetics trees for traits and look for. fuck. i forgot the word. how tf did i forget the word. oh god. horizontal gene#transfer. jesus christ its like theres a hole in my brain. well. i guess i did get only like 4hrs sleep. ugh im rambling.#i need to finish getting ready for Monday so i dont have to tomorrow and ill have time to draw. prob wont stop me feeling nauseous abt#teaching tho. OH FUCK. i just remembered i have a new office space now to decorate. fuck i need to hang up pictures and stuff#what would b the funniest way to put narut0 on my deskspace? idk ill have to think abt it. oh god im not ready#my head is like a handbell. one of the big ones when u ring it and it hits soft and u can feel the vibrations. someones wrung my head lol#unrelated
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#this is my only safe place where my irl friends aren’t following me#so i can vent ab them in peace#but we had our big halloween fundraiser tonight for my club and i was working the whole time and hardly got enjoy the event#and i was invited to an after party and i was excited to go#and then i got told that (bc the party was being held at a fellow officer’s parents’ house)#that their parents were upset with how many people were going and they were told to make cuts on the guest list#and i got cut :/#i try so hard to be people’s friends and fit in and i thought i finally had broken through and was like. appreciated and valued.#but i suppose not.#i guess when it comes down to it#whatever.#feeling very t swift mastermind rn#nobody wanted to play with me as a little kid#so i’ve been scheming like a criminal ever since#to make them love me and make it seem effortless#like dude. i try so hard. and at the end of the day nobody cares.#makes it hard for me to like.#i just feel like i have no friends.#bex says
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i am so TIRED of having anxiety!!!! bitch shut up!!!!
#GOD.#for NO goddamn reason. or maybe worse for a stupid reason#i do all the things you are supposed to do for anxiety and it's not fucking working and it never has#pretty much the only thing i haven't tried is real anxiety medicine ie xanax because theyre allergic to giving me nice drugs for some reason#i think i am too good at acting normal to physicians maybe. can i please have some sedatives#idk how my new office will be since i haven't gone there yet but i'm not optimistic#whatever maybe my therapist will give me shrooms and then i'll meet god or whatever and then this won't be a problem#me
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Watched all of Rubius’ r/place videos while pounding a bottle of wine I’ve been trying to get rid of for ages and MAN. MANNNN. I really love Rubius. r/place was such an incredible experience, and watching his videos reminded me of just how hype and fun the r/place phenomenon was
#i talk#mcyt talk#I guess#Rubius is NOT a mcyt-er but I don't have another ''catch all'' tag for this so whatever#also to be completely transparent: this wine is like 50% juice because I keep tossing juice I can't finish in there#because like what else am I gonna do - waste juice? heck no#always drink responsibly#but anyways HOOO BOY THAT WAS SO MUCH FUN#was feeling a bit ''agh'' because I'm going back into the office tomorrow for the first time in ages#and that always stresses me out even though I work remotely 90% of the time#but I feel a bit better after watching all that#even though I know I'll be suffering in a few hours because No Sleep#it is what it is I suppose#hashtag worth it#I really do feel like my spanish is - somehow - becoming better#I think it's a mix of me translating stuff for KarmaIand's english community#and translating words I don't know over and over and then remembering them after the 10th time or whatever#I'm someone who Really Can't Learn Languages outside of a (well-structured well-taught) class#but this is more progress than I've made in ages and it makes me feel good#I'll always be grateful to Quackity for helping me feel more comfortable trying to learn again#without feeling ashamed that I didn't already know Spanish#anyways#I'd love to do more translation stuff for KarmaIand#been learning even MORE fun new sony vegas tricks thanks to my shenanigans on the other blog so that's been fun#night y'all#r place#rplace
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#alright so some explanation here#obviously the first domino is warner bros. hiring then indie director chris nolan to reboot batman#this then provides a nice business partnership UNTIL wb decides to release tenet straight to streaming#what with theaters being closed due to the covid-19 pandemic#which obviously pisses off chris 'films are meant to be seen on the big screen' nolan#enough that he breaks off the almost 20 year (very lucrative tenet notwithstanding) professional relationship#so he goes to universal and he's like 'you got the rights to oppenheimer i'd like to do this'#and universal--having one of the few household director names fall in their lap--is like 'sure man do whatever'#this is the how the studio system is supposed to work#you make the studio a bunch of money so the studio gives you a bunch of money to make whatever you want#small aside: apparently there was a wb event sometime ago celebrating nolan's films#basically an event for the wb execs to pat themselves on the back for nolan's batman movies#and nolan's there and he takes his time to speak to talk to all the execs there about how he had to fight them for every creative decision#the same one's they're there celebrating now and that history has proven nolan right#i say all this because you might be thinking 'listen 2021 was rough. i might not agree with releasing straight to streaming but i get it'#'was that enough to jump ship?' probably not but it was definitely the straw that broke the camel's back#SO. how does barbie fit into this? well...you might've noticed if you watched the movie that it's a warner bros picture#they deliberately put barbie--a general audience family film--on the same date as oppenheimer in an attempt to hurt nolan at the box office#and that shit backfired on them because they thought the general public was intellectually incapable of watching both movies#they did not expect you freaks (affectionate) meming the hell out of both movies#so while warner bros marketed *the hell* out of barbie universal rode the barbenheimer meme wave#oppenheimer and universal have made a frankly freakish amount of money on a 3 hour biopic largely by riding warner bros aggressive marketin#marketing that was so aggressive because they wanted to hurt chris nolan at the box office and make him come crawling back#and that shit is never gonna happen. it's all funny.#tl;dr zaszlav EVEN IN SUCCESS can't call himself a winner hahahaha
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