#it was legit taking over my life
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am i just so far gone with these two that i can barely correctly comprehend anything they do toward eachother as normal casual interaction anymore or was this actually topher being worried about abe
#bc like…….. in my mind#topher is SUPER like way overprotective of abe. both in the way that he doesn’t want him to get hurt#and he also doesnt like anyone else getting really close to him but he’s calmed down with that one a little#and to me this is one of those moments where topher would 1000% just drop everything#if he thinks abe is in actual danger#dont talk about it much bc i hate them yada yada but seriously i love just… thinking about the most mushiest take on them as possible#like topher is legit in love with abe ya know hes never felt the way he does with abe around in his life ya know#that’s just what they are to me. and that’s what this moment here makes me feel and i have not gotten over it at all#probably won’t until s4 comes out. this is my new favourite crumb#and another thing#i can not lie. i did. get unreasonably excited and happy when abe said he’d come with joan to where topher is#and then later when he said he’d stay behind with topher and the bleacher creatures#im not Even gona reach and pretend it means anything cuz it doesn’t i just love them being together at all#clone high#tophabe#clone high spoilers#mine
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#I DID LAUNDRY#no yall dont understand#i have been unable to drive since april i have been so fucking sick#and after i got treated for sepsis i still had massive anxiety around being in vehicles#(context: while sick i had uncharacteristic intense and violent motion sickness)#ive only just been able to overcome the worst of it to be able to drive my little one to and from school (no busses for preK)#and ive been slowly desensitizing myself by going places with my family#yall.#i just drove my ass to the laundromat and did motherfucking laundry by myself#LAUNDRY#look i know its a fucking everyday chore for most people but it's an everyday chore I Have Not Been Able To Do For Months#a chore i did completely on my own. nobody else in the car for backup or emotional support#it feels like the first small step in truly getting my life back#and it makes me feel so much better knowing there's one more chore i can take off of my husband's shoulders#i did it#i can't believe i fucking did it but holy shit i did#im legit going to cry over fucking doing laundry by myself
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by this point, my frustration is justified--if i have:
1) already mentioned in multiple replies that a fic is on hiatus
2) bolded its status and my reasons in the end note
3) added the status and a warning that i will delete comments of the type in my summary
why do i still get asked whether or not i'll ever update again? and that's all they have to say?
becoming increasingly concerned there's a subset of bil readers that don't know how to read or pay attention in a hobby that requires reading comprehension and an attention span
#opinionated verm#redglyphs#also: not into the weird squicky mean-spirited or performative way that some readers take the humor#(which is 100% not meant to be and it's something i intentionally try to avoid)#or caring about the quips over everything else#it's just off-putting and frustrating to see#bc if they cared that much about the fic it's so easy to find WHY i've been busy#or like. at least drop a line beyond the superficial?? i don't need effusive praise or whatever. but it'd be nice to see signs of life#i legit feel like a dog doing tricks for treats with the general attitude from that fic's readership#there's a fromsoft-like meter that fills up to me deleting bil akin to incurring scarlet rot#it sucks bc i loved writing bil + sharing it + have plans to continue it#but it doesn't feel fun to know that rude and ignorant readers still get to enjoy something they had a part in ruining for me#really sucks. i'm not a popular author by any means but bil is my most popular fic by raw metrics-to-duration of posting#and if this is how it be then i never want to have anything more appealing than bil bc damn i'd lose all my hair lol#on bil
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#ok so the job offer seems to be legit#i feel like i'm being given a chance when i really should've been looked over#like it's something i don't deserve when I've never made more than 20k in one year#and here's this company willing to take a chance on me and give me a livable wage. doing remote data entry?#so you can probably understand my immense skepticism but overall excitement#hoping sm that this is real and i'm not being scammed. considering how life has gone for me over the last 4 years. i just want it to be real#lemme trust‚ baby
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Ok, how about
Price scooping you up in his lap and giving you a hug?
Soap bringing you your favorite food?
Simon telling you goofy Dad Jokes?
Gaz cuddling up next to you in bed?
Just nice little soft things to imagine.
🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺
‘M not kidding when I say I was tearing up when I logged on and saw this one 😭
Yeahhhh that absolutely helps ngl 🥺🥺🫶
#Not to like sound worse but#I legit have not gotten a hug in…over three years#A real one where neither one wants to let go in…oof. Probably closer to seven#I haven’t eaten in over 24 hours now and am barely tolerating anything I’ve touched all week#Need me some goofy dad jokes yeah 😭🫶🫶🫶#Haven’t even gotten out of bed in at least 15 hours so having a Gaz here would be wonderful 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭#‘M like all pressed into an uncomfortable corner space too like— this is awful#I split a room with my brother and my designated space is literally 20 ft by 5 ft and my little springy twin bed takes up most of it#Desks and a couple shelves the rest#w/ a 1 ft L shaped walking space in front of the windows and at the foot of the bed blocked by my chair#It’s so cramped and small but I would feel a lot more claustrophobic if it weren’t for the windows#Need some comfort in my life and all these asks you’ve sent in have been so perfect thank you 🥺🥺🥺🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶#You have no idea how amazing it’s been 🥺#Ask box
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sitting on waterfalls is surprisingly still one of my favorite pastimes, like i totally was convinced that it would pale in comparison to the pacific ocean and yet there is something about momentarily becoming one with a current that just.... soothes?
#Freebooter4ever#also im realizing that the hat matches my bikini top colors#unintentional i swear#i just really like certain colors i guess#anyway legit i used to come here every weekend and take everybody i knew down#just to sit and read or write and draw together while letting the water flow#i go the river to sooth my mind ponder over the crazy days of my life
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wiggling like crazy bc it hit me that im going to a waterparks concert today hehehe
#like i knew the concert was today and knew who was playing#but i have no object permanence and it felt so far away still#so now that its on the front of my mind i am buzzing with excitement#legit forgot how fucking feral i go for concerts bc i havent had the money/time to go to one in like ~7yrs#then i went to the mother mother one and it hit me like a fucking truck ya know?#there's nothing in this world that feels quite like a concert to me#i just!!! aaaaagh#the feeling of being packed in a crowd and youre all singing to the same songs and you can feel the kick of every drum beat in your chest#i blame my dad for taking me to my first major rock concert at like 7 or 8#it was over for me from then on. music runs my entire life man
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Well that was... unsettling...
#ariaplays: isat#isat spoilers#bro i was like wondering where it was gonna go wrong at that part after i beat the king cuz i was like: aint no way its over yet?#and i was having such a good time talking to everyone cuz i thought siffrin gonna get killed by a trap after that room or smth#AND THEN! euphrasie just suddenly looked so devastated and the music got so distorted and she knew siffrin's name (how?)#and like oooooohhhh mygod what was that. and now im at act 3 back in the meadow and siffrin ououououghghgh.......#siffrin telling mira a lie bout a silly nightmare like i legit saw that split second timeframe in which he decided to just lie#ouououghghghg painful bro. painful. but the most painful part is that id have to beat the king again orz......#it took me AWHILE to beat that guy. he killed me like TWICE with his hp down to the quarter and i refused to let that count to the loop#cuz i didnt wanna lose my bomb and yea sure tbf i couldve just equipped the memory for it but like-- siffrin's extra hp tho#and if it was possible to kill the king without having to loop and lose the bomb i crafted then id take that chance#it was a terrible experience tho. i had to exit the game itself to reload a save for that. first defeat happened cuz i THOUGHT#he'd only do that deadly attack ONCE and i had the shield on cooldown when he did it the 2nd time and uuuuggghhhh#2nd battle was the worst my rng during then was ASS everyone was in life support cuz the king kept BUFFING HIMSELF#and i couldnt use the shield cuz i cant count the turns. i dont even know how to and even if i could my memory cant keep up#and with the king buffing himself. the tears reducing my team's def. it was the worst possible combination like bro...#and now im in act 3 and gonna have to fight him again ouououuoghhghghghhg..... ill try and level up everyone before that fight then....#everyone was at 50 by the king's fight (except for siff ofc he was at 59 i think?). i know i can get the others at 52 tho
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Ok, but if they knew they were gonna do Season 2 and that Scott wasn’t gonna be replaced I vote for this as the end credit scene we should have gotten
#They retconned most of 3 anyway#let Jack take over and kick the old boomer out#the santa clause#tscedit#the santa clause 3#the santa clauses#dumb things I thought of at 2am last night#I did this instead of working on a resume today#I need a life#I'm just still very frustrated#what a dumb dumb dumb show#and now we gotta do this all again next year#I'm legit reading my own fic to feel better#I will never feel bad about my garbage self indulgence after this#sally screamings
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i pressed record on my phone because I wanted to really *quickly* summerize an episode for an animated Batman series I would LOVE to make and it ended up being 15 minutes long and makes references to shit only I know about... :|
#batman#TO BE FAIR the actual episode would be like. 45 minutes long. IF NOT LONGER#so yeah 15 minutes is a quick summary when the theoretical episode also ties into about a dozen OTHER theoretical episodes#for a theoretical series that you do not have the skill money or time to make....#right?#like legit it would be like. both a season finale AND a halloween scarecrow episode#that takes HEAVY inspiration from the original BTAS episode where he first goes “I AM BATMAN!”#in a fit of fear toxin-induced hysteria screaming at a hallucination of his father#AND ALSO REFERENCES LIKE A TON OF OTHER EPISODES THAT TAKE HEAVY INSPIRATION FROM#/ ARE DIRECT RETELLINGS OF SOME FAMOUS AND NOT SO FAMOUS COMIC STORYLINES AND MOMENTS#LIKE THE DRUG / STEROID USE ONE WHERE HE GETS ADDICTED AND KINDA FUCKED UP#(i would be a lot more respectful to what drug use and abuse actually looks like than that story but IT'S STILL A GOOD STORY)#AND THE GUN / “MY LIFE WAS WORTH LESS THAN A ROUND OF AMMUNITION” MOMENT I REBLOGGED EARLIER#AND ALSO WOULD HAVE SOME MOMENTS INSPIRED BY THAT MOMENT IN “THE BATMAN 2022”#WHERE HE'S WEARING THE FLYING SUIT AND ABOUT TO JUMP OFF THE BUILDING AND HAS A PANIC ATTACK#but it would be with the grapple gun because honestly. rule of cool wins out over realism with that one#GOD somebody please hit me up i'm going insane over this and need to scream at somebody about this hypothetical episode / series#but i literally have NO friends who are into batman#I WANNA MAKE THIS SO BAD BUT I CAN'TTTT
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hheeeuuurrgghppbbtttt
#my dad messaged me today sayin’ he hopes to see me soon and it honestly ruined my day luke#like please leave me alone ://////#then some general normal Every Day BS happened at work and I just had to dip I almost walked off the job no word to my sups#Just makes me think of my mom which#i feel more justified after it I guess ‘cause she’s the one who allegedly approves the messages her husband sent me when we had our fight#tbh life is better w/o her messaging me daily like I spent basically all of 2023#wanting to cut her off and she gave me even the lightest reason to do it so i did and it’s been nice#the pointless guilt I felt for not wanting to see my family has turned into general resentment and annoyance#i don’t even miss her or him like I straight up just don’t want to see my blood relatives they’re not family to me they’re just people#i happen to share genes with like if you really wanted to build a relationship with the person#you forced into this stupid world then maybe you shouldn’t have been such insufferable assholes for the first 18 years#i spent most of my conversations with them over the phone last year basically just saying life sucks and that i want to kill myself#I need them to feel bad for conceiving me i need them to regret it#my cousin Aaron has the right idea tbh like last I heard he wasn’t talking to my uncle or anyone w/ blood relations really#following in his footsteps. I legit just got so full of rage and frustration when my dad messaged me it’s been like 3 weeks since we spoke#it was so obvious that I didn’t like my mom growing up everyone knew it and berated me for it like how am i supposed to accept that?#How am I supposed to take the hate and anger she exhibit and put out there in that unhappy home#and turn the hate and anger her and her family felt towards me for not loving her#and turn that into love? How am I supposed to turn unending anger and hatred and bitterness and just be like ‘yeah i love you’#I love my parents in the sense that I am familiar w/ them and they have had a constant presence in my life up this point and when I was like#8y/o I had some pretty good times w/ my dad that were DIRECTLY related to my mom being out of the house#my mom was just so abusive to that man for 20+ years#and he took the love I had for him and made me hate him by just shoving jesus down my throat#We used to have CONVERSATIONS he & I but then he got his head stuck so far up his ass that he couldn’t see#how he was just ruining everything. Me: Hey so this thing thats goin on?#him: haha yeah that thing thats been goin on!! You know what tho#[starts pitching JC to me again]#that was all I could get from him from 12-18/19#he killed whatever relationship we had together and now it’s a decade later and I have no interest in talking to him#I don’t care to try and rebuild. I don’t want to rebuild anything with him I don’t want him to want that either
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I think my biggest win when I first watched 911 was that I knew nothing even though I started watching right before 5B started airing. I started watching because I watched lone star on the tv and when I checked I had the og on streaming so I sat down to watch. I legit didn't even retained the fact that Eddie had a kid from the crossover. I knew nothing. Did that had me scrambling to click the next episode button up until unholy hours of the morning? Absolutely. My soul left my body multiple times. But legit unmatched experience.
#i legit thought they were gonna kill eddie with the shooting#i watched the tsunami at 4 in the morning kkaoaksoakspa#watched the whole show in a week#i shouldve known back then that i would take over my life#just a random thought#thoughts thoughts thoughts
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god fucking damn my life, bro. I find a couple of ants in my room and immediately freak out. I start feeling shit crawling on me and turn on a flashlight to go look for some hidden source, already hyperventilating. And then I remember I woke up late and didn't take my morning meds. Girl, we have a balcony and my mom keeps plants there. Calm the fuck down. You like having the window open. It's FINE. It's just ants.
Last weekend I skipped my morning meds two days in a row cuz I woke up late and I feared sertraline insomnia - which, yes, in hindsight was a bad idea - and on Sunday I had a full meltdown. Granted, also period-related, but god fucking damn it. I tore my whole room apart. I couldn't vacuum under my bed easily because of my desk's placement so I decided I was going to move furniture around and reorganize my room. On a Sunday afternoon, in the summer and with tendonitis. All cuz I saw some ants and couldn't verify with my own two eyes every corner of the room. And because I couldn't physically move the wardrobe and bookcase, I guess I took out my anxiety with the remaining furniture. And god fucking damn it, here I am again a week later.
I keep finding ants (3) running on my desk all of a sudden while I'm SITTING THERE and have no idea ("no idea") where they're coming from (engage the phone flashlight routine). I moved this bitch AWAY from the window and they're fucking HUNTING me or smth (it's 35ºC out, girl). I hate my life. And I hate that any suggestion of bugs makes me start feeling shit on my skin that isn't there. Dumb fucking brain. Anyway I need sleep and to take my sertraline asap or else.
#i can't express to you how badly I was doing last week#my mom wasn't home when I was remodeling but I was fantasizing about screaming:#''take those plants out of my side of the veranda or i'll throw them OR myself off the balcony''#i'm not suicidal don't worry it would be for the drama of the ultimatum#and then I took my meds the next day and I was calmer lol#but this has happened before. i believe this entire formication / almost delusional parasitosis started cuz i'm allergic to mosquitoes#and as a kid who lived with 3 grown people and had no power over them to close their damn windows - I attracted all the bugs#and I couldn't sleep and I heard and felt them near me and it was a horrible time#still at 23 i can only either pass out from exhaustion or more often find and kill them before I can sleep#when I was 14 or smth our cat also got fleas and I spent the most paranoids nights of my life suffering cuz they got into my bed#last year I slept over at a friend's house for a night and brought back what must've been a SINGLE flea#I'm not kidding you when I say I quarantined my room and slept in the living room for over a month. i was panicking#(i've since started anxiety meds)#I legit feared we had bedbugs and was looking at every single outlet and corner of my bed#our cat recently caught fleas and I combed through him to pick them out every day. that experience actually calmed me down about them#but it's when you can't see them / where they're hiding that's the problem#(it also taught me to let my cat in my room and then fleas become his problem LMAO)#(cuz his long fur 24/7 is way better than my legs for 8h I've been told lol)#anyway point is I get freaky when I suspect bugs are hiding somewhere#and that they're gonna bite me and I'm going to get super itchy and not be able to sleep#i start feeling shit on my skin and yes i know that's not normal. and I have to look at it to convince my brain to ignore it#i get jumpscared by my HAIR falling on my arms girl. that's embarrassing#what i'm ANGRY about is that this is about ANTS. who want NOTHING to do with me and every to do with idk leaves and crumbs#and I KNOW they're from the veranda. but nooooo someone is dumb and skipped her meds and now she's withdrawing and freaking out. about ANTS#EMBARRASSING.#as i'm typing this i'm scratching at myself for what is most likely 1) nothing 2) my hair or 3) cat fur#i'd bring this up to my therapist but he abandoned me </3 like they all do </3 i'm gonna develop abandonment issues at this rate LMAO#so uh anyway imma finish what I was doing (lie) and go to sleep (eventually) and take my meds#and hopefully remember to mention the formication to a health professional at some point lol#i just needed to write this down as evidence of how i'm feeling rn so tomorrow I can read this and say ''wow that was silly'' mkay? kay
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FINALLY FINISHED THE GAME SO I CAN POST NOW YEEHAW
#totk#totk spoilers#spoilders below k#the fucking ganon boss fight was so scary I was s w e a t i n g#I was fighting for my fucking life in there#I was in the TRENCHES boy#I legit think it took me over thirty minutes to ge through all the phases#the first time he flurry rushed or perfect doged me I was like ‘oh. oh I’m so fucked.’#he was hitting so fucking hard too he shattered all my hearts I was down to TWO and couldn’t damage him for so long#I was only able to hit him when I managed a perfect party and he knew it too because#he was shattering all my shields#and staggering the shit out of me#and talking shit the whole time#I wacked him once at the very start and he chuckled darkly and asked ‘is that it?’ and I knew I was in trouble#when he said ‘I’m taking much more than your arm this time’ whooughh#but holy shit the dragon fight was so epic#shadow of the colossus eat your heart out#but I wanted to see Link hug Zelda so bad#because I wanted to hug that poor girl so bad#you have any idea how depressed I was after the light dragon thing
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martyns literal flashback to third life.. bdubs crouched with his head down…
#i thi k im legit panicking over this#martyn talks#i think i need to take a bredk from this#doesnt help yhat i just wrote my memories of third life#and it’s just so clesr#its bad
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welp i slept like shit and woke up to one of those "sorry we didnt choose you" job emails so we are doing so fucking bad already :)
#and ofc this was the one job i was like 'oh im actually qualified' and lmao here we are#like what the fuck am i supposed to do to this situation#fuck man im so tired. would legit just go right back to sleep and let depression take over if i didnt have a cat to care for ugh#so yeah you get bad mood salty night again youre welcome my life is in fucking shambles and it sucks!!#night is an absolute mess on main
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