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tmwcs · 1 year ago

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THE BUTLER

Warnings: Unprotected smut, slight voyeurism, secret smut, secret love, heart break, Y/N is a rich girl, not at all spoiled, slight Cinderella vibes, stepmom and sisters, they don't really like y/n, and death. MDNI content is for 18+ only.

Something for you guys as I finish the last chapter of DT. I started this a while ago but finally decided to finish it, as you can see, I was inspired by the release of "Criminal Love" so enjoy. I enjoyed this piece quite a bit. Part of this is proofread, so sorry if the ending of it seems a little sloppy.

“Oh! She’s here sir!”

The house nanny calls out, informing your father of your expectant arrival. Your mother and stepfather told you that this was a great opportunity to travel overseas, leave home, and expand your horizons as a prospective student. And lucky for you, your father’s work as the country’s Ambassador afforded you said opportunity, and you wish you could be just as excited about it as everyone else. Truth of the matter was, it devastated you to leave.

Of course, growing up in a proper household, one with many manners and strict etiquettes in place, only meant that naturally, you were groomed to put on a mask to conceal your true emotions, among other things.

You loved your family, and respected your father dearly, even when only seeing him every summer. Yet there was something back at home that caused this change of pace; something that you knew you had to get away from, even at the cost of your goals and happiness.

It was hard for anyone to understand, since you and your former companion had only known each other for a year. To others, it appeared only as a fling, a swift love that left as fast as it came, but for you, it was a whole other matter. Unbeknownst to everyone around you, promises of a tight future we’re made, all initiated by him. He told you he loved you, cherished you, and that you both would be together forever. So was it a surprise to you, or him, that you fell into the abyss of depression and had clammed up after he exposed how he didn’t think much of your relationship; that it was just something to look back on, as “experience” for real love.

“Real love?….”

How could he use those words put together? How dare he? After all the times that you gave up to be with him; the sacrifices you made, and not to mention, the countless hours you made up to maintain your grades while still being there for him whenever he needed you. Such as the time when he lost a beloved family member, and you were the only one there to console him. One thing led to another and in a blink of an eye, you were no longer a virgin. You never minded, after all, he did tell you that he saw a future with you as his wife, and you responded each time by giving him your flesh and sweat….you did all of that, yet he didn’t see it as real love.

Your mother and stepfather could never know the degree of your breakdown. How could they? They probably suspected it, but never confirmed that you lost your virginity to the man. After he told you that he no longer wanted you, he moved on to another girl, one that you used to call ‘friend’. How despicable. Guess that was college life for you, though you would have never braced for something so heartbreaking to happen, even at a prestigious university.

After all that, you stopped talking and dropped all of your classes. You fell lower than ever before, and perhaps your mothers words, “It's not a big deal, he’s not worth it. You’ve only known him for a year, forget about him.” Was said, only to try and bring you back from the ground you found yourself graveling on. You know your mother better than anyone else, she loved you more than the world and would do, and say, anything to bring you back to a sound mental state of mind. She always did before, only this time….it didn’t work.

That’s when the idea of sending you to live at your fathers estate came to discussion. Your father was a very noble man, not in a literal sense of course; the man had built himself up from nothing, growing up from such a poor family. Through his elaborate military career and his continued service in politics, he earned his lavish lifestyle. The driver opens the door and gives you a hand, helping you out of the backseat as you are immediately greeted by the house nanny, and your father following suit.

“Papa!”

“There’s my girl! Come here, it’s been too long since I last saw you. Look at you, just as pretty as always.”

Holding you in a warm embrace, you felt free from the pain of heartbreak as you hugged your father; you missed him so much and it was always good to see him. Aside from being with him, his estate was something that you always cherished. He had acres of land, manicured with a few guest homes on the property. There were large floral gardens and orchards that decorated the entire estate with the main house stationed at the center of the acreage. Maybe coming to live here for a while wasn’t such a bad idea after all. And who knows, if you had ever found a reason to go back, you could always get up and go ... .just as much as you could settle down and stay, so long as you had found meaning behind that decision.

During your embrace, you caught the eye of the trio that made their way over, though they seemed less excited in greeting you.

“Well, you could have called when you were nearby. We were just about to have lunch. It would have been embarrassing to begin eating and to take a pause because of your arrival.”

When it came to your father, mother, and stepfather, they were all a delight and you couldn’t have asked for better parents. However, when it came to your stepmother, that was an entirely different story. Of course, your fathers marriage to her wouldn’t be complete without your two stepsisters…

“Oh my gosh! Look at her hair! See mom! I want my extensions to be as long as her hair, the same length.”

“Y/n, where did you get your outfit? It’s so pretty, I want one just like it but in pink. Don’t I look good in pink?”

Your father takes a moment to jest, yet you had a feeling by the tone he took with your stepmom and sisters, that he was more on the serious side at hinting on their lack of manners. The ‘joke’ was him remaining tactful, as always.

“Well, usually it’s customary to say ‘hello�� and ‘how are you?’ whenever you’re greeting family, but I guess talking about lunch, hair, and outfits is just as welcoming.”

Looking up at your father, he gives you a small wink before placing a kiss on your head, much to the obvious dismay of your stepmom. “I was only trying to point out that it would have been more considerate of her to call, that’s all. But, I guess you do have a point.”

Your stepmom quickly took the hint, and rendered obedience in her own manner, before ushering the girls to come up and greet you properly. Pushing boundaries with your father is never a smart idea, for anyone. The man was rich, had close connections with the government, and didn’t feel the ‘need’ to have a wife as much as he merely enjoyed having one for companionship. Your stepmom knew that, just needed a reminder from time to time that he would drop her quickly, along with your stepsisters. You’re not entirely sure what had gone wrong, you never did anything to your stepmom nor did you ever go out of your way to offend her. Yet somehow, she acted somewhat distasteful to you. As for your stepsiblings, it wasn’t quite their fault. They were spoiled, had everything beyond the world given to them, and only acted out based on the initiative of their mother. Nevertheless, you were always pleasant and did your best to make them feel welcomed. You even gave up your room, the largest suite of the household, all to accommodate their ‘needs’ shortly after your father married and brought them in. Since you previously had only come for long visits in the summer during your college breaks, it wasn’t a huge deal to give up your room, or your favorite guesthouse, which was once your getaway for whenever you wanted to paint and do pottery. What was once your soaring heaven had now become a playhouse for the girls…to depreciate and throw their large parties for whenever they wanted to have their friends over. Guess that is what it means to be the elder and the matured one out of the brunch.

“Come on sweetheart, let’s get you fed. I imagine you’re tired and hungry from that long flight, did you have any trouble finding Bitterman?”

“No Sir, I found her with no trouble. It’s quite easy to find a girl as pretty as her.” Bitterman, your fathers driver, chimes in, earning a chuckle from the latter. “Thank you my friend, be sure to get yourself fed as well, Louis has the kitchen smelling delightful.”

Your father was always admired and loved by the staff, and it wasn’t hard to see why. He wasn’t just wise, rational, and a thoughtful type, he was also benevolent and selfless. Indeed, he was just as good of a master as he was a father and husband.

“Oh, Bitterman, no need to get the bags, I’ll get them.” Your father exclaims as he goes to pick up one of your luggage. “Oh um….I can get that Papa, it’s actually kind of heavy—“

You were cut off when a shadowed figure appeared out of nowhere and grabbed hold of the leather strap, just before your father completed his reach for it. “I got it sir, please allow me.”

The tall figure was dressed in a black suit with a fitted designer trench coat to match, paired with fine leather gloves; the right one being fingerless. His hair was swiftly combed to the side, with a few pieces dangling above his eye and brow, yet it only enhanced his suave appeal. There was a slight bit of royal purple hue to his strands, yet it was tasteful and neat. He effortlessly picks up the luggage and swings it over a shoulder, and picks up another large carry-on before making his way inside the house. “The Nénuphar suite, correct?”

“Yes, thank you Ethan.”

Confused, you looked at your father as he took note that you hadn’t been properly introduced to his newly acquired staff member. “Oh! Ethan, this is y/n.” Turning back to you, your father completed the introduction as he took your hand and guided you closer to the mysterious man in black. “Y/n, this is Ethan. I’ve told him all about your arrival and if you need anything in my absence, come to him. He is the head of my household staff and is my personal butler, second to no one, except myself.”

“B-butler?” You were caught off guard at the label, the man did not carry the appearance of a butler. That was when your father somewhat clarified. “Well, butler in an abstruse sense. All you need to know is that he is my right hand man. So if you ever need anything, come to me or Ethan.”

‘Abstruse? What is that supposed to mean—‘

“It’s nice to meet you y/n.”

“Oh…it's nice to meet you too. Thank you...for taking my bags, I can get the rest of them.”

“No need, I’ll have it taken care of.” Turning his head to the side, he raises a hand and snaps his fingers. Upon the crisp sound echoing among the grand entrance of the estate, a series of maids and butlers come in and grab the remaining of your belongings. You raised a brow before peaking a questionable gaze at your father, in which he replied with…

“I told you, he is my right hand man.”

…………………………..

The next morning, you awoke in your beautifully furnished room. After carrying out your hygiene routine and dressing yourself, you walk down the lengthy staircase to find the girls at the base, dressed primply with jewels and broaches decorating their hair and outfits.

“I want to re-do my nails.”

“You just got yours done yesterday, it’s been three days since I got mine. I want to add more jewels.”

“I want more flowers.”

“I wanted them with a sharper point.”

“I wanted them longer.”

Walking through the foyer, Ethan takes stride with his hands clasped behind his back, as if he was taking a walk of leisure. Breaching the girls, they immediately dropped their topic of nail decor and called out to the handsome butler. “Oh Ethan!” One of the girls calls out. “I just got this dress yesterday, what do you think? Do you like it? Doesn’t pink look good on me?”

Ethan gave a faint, side smirk as he paused in his steps. His hands remained behind his stature as he stood comfortably, not responding. Your other sister butts in, trying to vye for the man’s attention as she shows off her manicure. Again, he remained silent, yet the girls seemed to be used to it.

“Oh, trying to be silent like always?”

“That’s so hot.”

“Come on, won’t you say anything about my outfit for once?”

“Or my nails?”

Pouting their faces rather flirtatiously, the girls flutter their lashes as they bite their lip, only to get nothing out of the man. You continued walking down during the entire entourage and once you reached the base, Ethan’s eyes sparked up. He glanced up and beyond their heads, watching as you made your way down. You pause as your sisters remained standing on the last step, seemingly oblivious to what the man was staring at.

“Ah, young lady, you’re just in time. Your dad wanted to see you first thing this morning.”

Extending his hand and shooting it between your sisters, the girls part ways as they watch you take Ethan’s hand as he guides you down the last step of the staircase. “I’ll take you to his study.” You felt his fingers subtly pinch your hand as he firmly established his grip. As he started to take you away, he suddenly paused with you remaining closely behind. His masculine scent was befitting with the dashing designer suit he had on; he looked more like a businessman than a butler, perhaps that was what your father meant from yesterday's conversation. Turning his head halfway, he glanced over to the girls and spoke in a low tone, all with a dashing smirk decorating his side profile.

“Oh…about your outfit and nails….it is not in my place or station to remark on such matters. Please consult your designers and seamstresses if you ever feel confused.” With a slight tug, he pulls your hand and leads you away while the girls stood confused with hurt feelings. There hadn’t been many interactions between Ethan and the girls, but from what you heard by the house nanny, the few times he did exchange words with the two, it was far from what they ever expected or trying to achieve. Aside from his laconic smirks, the man was stone cold towards the two.

Reaching the double doors of your father’s private office, another butler stands by. “Please inform the master that his daughter is here to see him.” Ethan calmly states. The other butler nods before knocking on the glazed wooden doors, before peeking in upon hearing your father responding from inside. The elder butler steps aside and gives a slight bow towards Ethan as the latter bars the doors wide open, gently dragging you behind.

“Sweetheart, did you sleep well?” Your father immediately speaks out, while Ethan takes you over to a tea table, surrounded by lounge seats. Pulling the seat back for you, he guides you over and pushes you in towards the table, where a lovely tea set and tiered tray filled with all sorts of snacks and finger sandwiches were nicely laid out as your father makes his way to join in. “I got all of your favorites.” Your father says proudly, shooting another wink over to you.

Ethan finishes scooting you into the table, his hands gently caressing the back of the seat. Before pulling away, his hands gently graze over your arms and shoulders as he walks out with one hand in his pocket. The man certainly walked with a sense of authority and carried out a superior presence, more so than even your father, even though he was the master.

“I am sorry for how your stepmom and sisters behaved yesterday, that shouldn’t have happened.”

Your fathers words caught your attention, causing you to turn your head away from Ethan’s backside, making eye contact with your sympathetic parent. “I had words with them yesterday and will make sure that doesn’t happen again, they need to be more mindful especially since you’re going to be here for a while.”

You shook your head and waved off his concern. “It’s fine, I’m not worried about it.”

Your father smiles at your reassurance and chuckles. “Good.” Adjusting in his seat, he takes a cup of tea and begins to sip on it while carrying the conversation to a different direction. “Did you sleep well?”

You nodded as you took your own cup and delicately sipped from it. Your father kept adjusting in his seat, appearing to find it difficult to gain comfort within the chair, not that it wasn’t hard to see why. The chairs were beautiful and carried a regal vintage design, but were very much too stiff for someone like your father, who required more softness to accommodate his back. No doubt he had so many strains from all the years he served in the military.

Just as you were about to ask him if he needed something for his chair, you hear the doors from behind open. Turning halfway in your own seat, you watched as Ethan entered with a silk and plush pillow in hand; he didn't say a word, instead, he walked directly over to your father and handed it over to him, obviously flaring his familiar knowledge of your father and his routines.

“Oh thank you so much Ethan, you do know me too well.” your father chuckles out as Ethan smirks. “Sweetheart, you want a pillow for your chair?” Your father asks you while Ethan stands by his side. He crosses his arms and gives a slight tilt of his head, establishing a rather dominant and assertive stance, yet your father seemed to be quite used to and didn’t mind at all, in fact, he seemed to embrace that wholeheartedly. You shook your head and politely declined the offer, to which Ethan issued a slight nod before exiting the study, turning back once more to pull the doors shut.

“I like Ethan, he’s super cool. Good guy too.” Your father spoke rather comfortably. You furrowed your brows confusingly, while nodding in agreement, sort of. “Is he…really your butler?” You asked as your father took a finger sandwich from the tier stand.

“Mmhmm.” Your father issues his response as he bites into the sandwich, and chews it while sipping on his tea. Looking back up, he gives you another wink. You chuckle and take one of the finger snacks and enjoyed it, along with a conversation that took up the entire morning as you caught up with your father and told him about college, your mother, stepfather, and even the young man that broke your heart, though one day at your father’s estate seemed to have done a lot of healing, more than you expected. You didn’t know why, but that would unfold as the days continued to swing by.

………………………

A couple of weeks had passed, and you didn’t see much of your sisters or stepmom, they weren’t really around at the house so much, instead, they liked their constant outings and partook in continuous shopping trips. You laughed and cringed internally as you watched the girls make their attempts in gaining Ethan’s affection, much less his attention. Half the time, the man would ignore their teasing and flirting words, but the times when he did entertain small talk, it was always a major shutdown, at least that’s what it looked like to you. But to the girls, it was something else.

…….

‘Oh that’s just how he is, trust me, Ethan likes it when I talk to him.’

‘I think he likes talking with me more.’

‘Shut the fuck up! He likes me more, bitch!’

‘You’re the bitch! You fucking rude bitch, who the fuck do you think you are?’

……

Now you were by no means a saint, but for the most part, using vulgar language was something you considered to perform only when the situation called for it. An outburst of anger perhaps, or…when you had your heart broken. A flashback of when the man informed you that you were just ‘practice’ for his real and true love came to mind, and the image of you screaming out and lashing every cursing you could imagine in his direction. Yet the girls were using it so freely, over a man that didn’t seem to take interest in anything other than his duties.

You politely excuse yourself from the room, allowing for the girls to bicker in peace while the seamstresses customized their designer gowns for the upcoming event. You gently shut the doors behind as you take your stroll outside, loving the sound of the doves that hummed their tune in a nearby Magnolia tree. You walked over to the massive gazebo, lavished with wisteria vines and overlooking the flat fields that extended past the lines of the property. A stone rail surrounding the gazebo stands at chest height, it was perfect for you to rest your forearms on as you leaned in and took in the beautiful sight of nature and tranquility. You watched as the staff members from afar tended to the private livestock, and harvested the fruits from your father’s orchard. In a peaceful state, you stare off with nothing in mind other than the happiness you witnessed as the staff members conducted their duties from afar, not at all realizing that you were watching them with a smile on your face.

“Enjoying the view?”

You turned your head and saw Ethan entering through the hanging vines of purple flowers from the Wisteria plant. “Oh–yeah…sorry, you caught me off guard.” Chuckling, you turn your attention back to the staff members. Ethan comes by your side, and as you had done, he leans against the stone rail while resting his forearms on the smoothed top surface. “Yeah, I seem to have a habit of doing that from time to time.” He calmly tells you, it almost seemed like it was his way of joking, yet you didn't really know whether to laugh or stay silent, so you gave a delicate chuckle instead.

“How are you enjoying being back? It's been the previous summer since you’ve last visited, correct?”

You nodded. “Yes, last summer was the last time I came over. At first, I’m not sure if I was thrilled about living here, not that I don't love my father, I do. I just…it was an abrupt decision and I didn’t really have a whole lot of say in the matter. But I’m glad I did…I miss my dad so much and I always did like this place.”

You confide as Ethan stares off at the orchard, nodding gently at your words. “When did you start working for my dad?”

Ethan lets out a light and airy chuckle of his own, dashing a side smirk as he continues to stare off at the fields. His hands were decorated with the leather gloves, with the right one being fingerless, as always. “Next week makes it six months.”

“You like it here too?”

“I do.” He pauses as he clasps his hands together before him. “Your dad is a good man.”

“Yeah he is.” you chuckle out, flattered by the compliment.

“Did you finish with the seamstresses?” he inquires. You turn to glance over to him with a faint, sweet smirk before looking back over to the distant orchard. “No, not yet. I figured I’d let my sisters do their thing and I’ll get my dress made after.”

“Hm. So you’re just wanting to get away and enjoy solitude in the meantime then.” his voice was deep, calm, and soothing. There was a tone in him that brought the image of a placid lake and gentle wind to mind. You could side with your father’s opinion on Ethan, he was a gentle and good man, and he was very fond of your father.

“Yeah…I love to get away.” you responded back, lifting your nose into the air as you relished the soothing wind blowing against your skin and through your hair. Ethan tilts his head over. “You love to get away?”

“Yeah.” you chuckle out as you flinch a quick glance over his way. He smiles in return.

“What do you like to get away from?”

“Everything. Sometimes I just like to get away from people, and be only in the presence of nature and wind.”

“What else?” Drawing your secrets out, he inquires for you to continue, and you confide fully without giving it a second thought. “I like to get away from responsibility and duties, and experience freedom, even if it's just for a second.”

Remaining in his leaned state, Ethan adjusts, shifting his weight over to one arm as he turns to fully face your direction. “So, you’re an escape artist, in a sense.” He smirks out.

“Yeah.” you chuckled, loving the feel of the wind picking up pace, roaring through your hair.

“You’re a runner?” his voice peaking a sense of interest as he remarks your habit of ‘running away’ or getting away from the things that burden you.

“I am.”

“You’re a runaway that likes to daydream?”

“I am.”

You both laugh in sync. He licks and bites his lip as he turns his face away and stares back off at the orchard. “Neat.” is all he says. Just as you were going to inquire about his unusual leather gloves, a dainty voice comes in from behind. “Y/N, we’re ready for you now.” You turn to see the personal seamstress. You smile and bid Ethan a goodbye before leaving him at the gazebo, not realizing that your smile flashed a charming sense that became permanently ingrained in the man’s memory.

……………………….

The night of the event, you sat in your room for a while before deciding to finally make your appearance at the ballroom. Your father’s residence was massive, with four floor levels and a grand ballroom on the main floor; despite frequently visiting every summer, it took you a while to remember your way around. Now, you know the entire house like the back of your hand.

You walk down the staircase, listening in on the laughter and small talk of the large crowd residing in the ballroom. The tail of your dress slinks down each step behind as you drag your hand against the smooth rail. You opted for a simple, plain and form fitting gown, with a high slit reaching your upper thigh; you’re not entirely too sure why you felt the need to look sexy, but why not? You only live once.

Your sisters also opted for a sexy look, though their plunging necklines screamed of desperation rather than seduction, but you kept your opinions to yourself. Tonight was a night for celebration, not for bickering.

You enter the grand room and earn a wave of stares. Your father stands at a distance and smiles proudly as he watches you make your way to one of the floor length windows. You gaze off at the moon, it looked so full and pretty tonight, shame you had to be inside.

The lights dim down, and the band plays a gentle piece that initiates the guest to slow dance. That was your que, one that you always looked out for, so you could…

“Get away…”

Snaking through the crowd, you make your way over to one of the outer doors that lead to a stone corridor that wraps around the entire base level of the mansion. You found solace in a secluded corner that overlooked the moon and stars, and was closed off to guests. The area wasn’t at all separated distinctively; it didn't have any walls, yet the four large pillars that surrounded it provided enough cover and seclusion for you to remain undisturbed, at least from the guests…

“Getting away again?” You turn to the side and notice Ethan entering the outdoor sitting area.

“Yeah…just for a little bit.”

He walks over and just as he did before, he stands by your side and admires the view of the full moon. His appearance wasn’t anything out of normal; he had on a fine black suit and tie, his leather gloves, and black shined shoes. His hair was styled just the same, and roared out a purple hue under the moonlight. In all actuality, he looked like one of the prestigious male guests inside the ballroom. Taking note of the privacy you both shared, you finally had the courage to ask him about his unusual choice of gloves.

“I was wanting to ask you…”

“Hmm?”

“Your gloves…I dont think I’ve ever seen anyone wear gloves like yours, especially a butler.”

“Oh, these? It’s just for comfort when I carry out some of my tasks.” He puts out nonchalantly, pretty much in the same manner as your father responded whenever you breached the topic of Ethan.

“Oh, I see. A butler that just likes to wear leather gloves then.” you chuckled out, with his own laughter following closely behind.

“Yeah, just a butler who likes to wear leather gloves.” he gently repeats as he switches his gaze from the moon, and looks over to you. Had you not been admiring the moon yourself, you would have taken notice of his unyielding stare. His eyes travel up and down, noting that this was the first time since your arrival to your father’s estate that he got to see the reality of your form. It was beautiful.

Admiring the curves of your body, the length of your hair traveling down your backside, and the complexion of your glowing skin, the man found himself in awe….again.

“So what made you want to get away this time? The people? The politics?”

“The moon.” you jest, slightly biting down on your lip, though you did so harmlessly. Yet Ethan couldn’t help but see the sultry beauty behind it. “I like the moon.” You claim.

“Oh yeah? What else do you like?” he punctures your way, unbeknownst to you, he takes a step closer by your side.

“I like animals. I like food, and the stars, and–”

“To run away…” he finishes, earning your sudden attention, allowing for you to see that he had migrated closer.

“...Yes. I like to run away.” You calmly state, issuing a faint nervous chuckle upon noticing the feasting hunger that glared in his eye. It scared you…but you were liking it….and you wanted more of it.

Reaching up, he takes a bit of your hair and glides his fingers through the length of it, allowing it to fall back on your spine. “Now tell me again…what else do you like, pretty girl.”

Your breathing was less steady and deep, you suddenly found the tone of his voice so alluring, and the way he ran his fingers through your hair brought out a tight feeling from within your gut. Tingling and numbness chimes in your womanhood, it was a sensation you were familiar with, yet this time it was much stronger and vivid. You whisper out your response, taking the plunge and the chance to tell him, without being so direct…

“I like….you…”

So much for not being too direct. At least you could say you tried to keep it somewhat discreet, which was much more than what you could say about your stepsisters.

“Yeeeah…I like you too…” his voice grew deeper and the shine in his eyes grew fierce as the hungry sense raged wildly, he looked different. He looked almost frightening, with how starving his eyes looked, yet the moment he gripped a handful of your hair while saying his piece, you could care less that he had the look of a hungry killer or a sadistic maniac, you were willing to feed him, and he sensed it.

With the grip of your silk strands, he pulls you in, sucking in your breath as he fully envelops your lips in a deep kiss. Oh to be kissed by this man….it was something else.

He explores your body and rubbed your hips, his fingers digging into your waist as a hand rides up your back and cradles the back of your scalp while taking in the sensation of your soft strands. The first moan you release against his tongue, he instantaneously rushes you against the pillar nearby, the force of his weight pushing you back until your shoulders meet the cold marble. Your rear and spine is plastered against the surface, yet he continues to push as his body melts into you. Without breaking the kiss, he keeps pushing, rubbing, and grinding, feeding off those sweet moans you let out.

Finally, he allows for the both of you to take a breath as he abruptly breaks his lips away. Softly gripping your neck, the fine leather squeezing against your skin, he whispers before placing a gentle kiss on the tip of your nose, his eyes staring down at you and never breaking contact. “Be a good pretty thing…and try to stay quiet for me.”

“Mm..mmhmm…” you moaned.

“Yeah? Can you do that?”

“Y-yes….yes…”

“Yeah?” he lowers his head and buries his face into your neck, ravishing you with kisses as he smothers his saliva on your smooth skin. “Say you’ll be good for me.”

“I-I’ll….I’ll be good…I’ll try to be good…mmm…Ethan.”

“Heeseung.”

You moaned out of both, pleasure and confusion as you winced your eyes shut upon feeling his kisses becoming rougher, his teeth nibbling on your neck. “H-Heeseung?”

“Mmhmm…my real name.” He lets out just before he gives you a sharp bite. “Ah! Uggghhhhh!!’ you jerked up upon feeling the stinging sensation, with him easing it out as he licked over his teeth mark. “Shhhh….you gotta be good, remember?” he mocks as he gives you another bite.

“Ugh! Fffffffffuck….ugh!” you lengthen out your moans as you feel your body tremble. You really thought you could be quiet, that wasn’t hard to do with the last guy…but with Ethan…no, Heeseung….it was impossible.

“I…I can’t…I can’t….please…please let me scream….oh God I wanna scream…”

Looping his hand under your thigh, he lifts your weight as your back drags against the pillar, his lips sucking and kissing your breasts, which have now become exposed as he pulls the straps down from over your shoulders. With a mouthful of your plump areola, his free hand trails upwards and makes its way to gently cover your mouth. “Then scream baby.”

His finger digs into the skin of your upper leg as he sustains your weight, while his free hand shoots up and gently holds you by your neck. It was all happening so fast, you hadn’t realized that he had already snaked his member out from his trousers until you felt the warm skin of his hard bulge probing your clothed entrance. He fingers your panties and scoots them off to the side, where the probing became more intense as you felt his hips bucking upward. He enjoyed teasing you with it, poking you a few more times as he wasn't focusing on entering, until you let out a whine that indicates your desire for him to do it to you. “Please…..” you moaned out. He kisses you as he finds himself, slipping through your tight walls. The both of you breathed out deeply and simultaneously upon feeling the initial penetration. He breaks the distance just slightly between your lips, so that he could take a better look at you while he continued to thrust all the way in, slowly. Sloooooowly.

There was so much friction, roughness, and pressure, but it was all divine. He stared down at you, looking directly into your eyes with his feasting ones, while his grip on your neck tightened ever so slightly. His thumb reaches up, and grazes over our gasping lips as you pant out your moans.

“Shh…” he waves his index over your lips, hushing you tenderly before the base of his groin meets with yours. You felt full, stuffed, and complete. He gives a slight nudge, imploring for you to respond that you were ready, and you were. With a slight nod, your eyes glistened as you gave him his que, to which he took, along with a kiss on the tip of your nose before he started to pull out. He didn’t have to say it, you could hear it within his growl that you were tight. Your walls squeezed every ounce of precum out of his throbbing length as he drew it out from the immense pressure your cavity created for him. Your squelching walls squeezing him, cradling him with a tight ring of muscle that made it almost seemed impossible for him to penetrate a second time. His breathing escalates yet each exhale becomes prolonged as he groans out the pleasure he felt upon breaching you. He exits out fully, his bulbous tip barely lays nestled in your cavity, with only the very tip that carried his exit laying inside, but it wasn’t for long. You clenched uncontrollably when you felt him plunge back in, harder, deeper, and faster. He bellows out in the depths of your gut while shoving his nose and mouth against your skin, still holding you by the thigh and neck. His hips thrust, starting off at a slow tempo, but taking no time to pick up the pace. In just a few seconds, you found yourself being lunged upwards in a jolting motion, all at high tempo.

In and out, his thrusts were graceful yet demeaning as he goes in each time with the intent on tearing you apart, feeding you the immense thickness of his length and girth. The sound of the bustling guests exiting and mingling outside of the house could be heard, all unaware of what was happening behind the large pillar that Heeseung had you pinned against. You so badly wanted to scream, it all felt too good. The way he had you bouncing upwards at high momentum, your hair draping and decorating the marble backing as he continued to shove and lift you to accommodate each thrust. Biting your lip, you couldn’t take it anymore and yelp out in desperation, only for him to shoot his hand up and cover your mouth as he did before.

“Shh….that’s my good girl.” Whispering against your forehead, his thrusts become harder and tighter as he reaches the areas of your body that you never knew could be obtained by a man. His length repeatedly hits a spot that causes you to yell out into his palm in a repeated motion as he goes in with so much ferocity. Your body goes limp, and you could barely contain yourself. Sensing that, he flings your thigh upwards and catches it, adjusting his grip as he scoots in closer while penetrating deep inside, leaving absolutely no distance between your heated bodies.

“Good girl…good girl…take it….keep taking it…..fuck!”

Feeling your walls pulsate did him in. You felt his cock throb with violent twitches as he buried it deep inside, releasing his warm, silky seed into you. The way you felt his length bend and flicker against your muscles, with the hot temperature of his children entering invigorated you, causing you to experience your orgasm. Your walls leak, vibrating out your ecstasy while he stays put for a few minutes; leaning back, he stares down at you with fulfillment in his eyes, they are no longer hungry. Satisfied under heavy lids, he reaches up and takes from his internal breast pocket of his suit, a silkened handkerchief. He pinches the corner, before whiplashing it to unfold as he slides out, inch by inch. Once you felt hollow, you felt the warm ooze of his labor dripping down your thigh. It was thick and white, mixed with the clarity of your body’s own solution produced from your orgasmic high. Keeping your thigh elevated, he takes a knee and drags the smooth silk against your skin as he delicately wipes up the residue, leaving a trail of kisses against your inner thigh upon cleaning you up. Dragging his tongue upwards, he leaves your skin spotless before standing straight up, placing a tender kiss on your lips. No words were exchanged, just acts of affection and softness to conclude the lovemaking. Throughout the night, Heeseung danced and kept you company, flashing a smile your way every so often, much to the dismay of your sisters.

“Why is Ethan dancing with her? I want to dance with him too!”

“After me first.”

Your stepmom subtly scolds the girls under her breath, pressuring them to focus on the more eligible bachelors that roamed the ballroom, no doubt heirs with big money behind their names. Yet the girls had a hard time shaking off the handsome Ethan from their minds, and only grew more frustrated as they watched him court you. Your father sips from his fine glass, and reassures your sisters as he issues a firm look over to your stepmom. “I’m sure it’s nothing girls. Go and mingle with all these other handsome fellas, I’m sure they’d love to dance with you two.”

“But dad! I’ve been telling you how long I’ve had a crush on Ethan, it’s not fair!”

Your father slides his stern look over to the girls; “I’m sure Ethan is being polite, after all, it's the first time your sister attended this event, he’s more than likely trying to make her feel welcomed since she doesn’t know anyone here. I’m sure it’s nothing.”

Glancing over to you and Ethan, your father smiles softly upon admiring the way you both flowed with the course of the musical piece being played. Whispering to himself, he quietly tells himself, “I’m sure it’s nothing…but love.”

…………………………….

The following week, you spent more time with Ethan. For a butler, he didn’t seem to be as busy as you would expect, especially considering the house was massive. Then again, your father did mention that he was the head of the house staff, and second to only him as the master of the household, so perhaps his duties were strictly supervisory with high authority. Either way, you didn’t mind that he was free to be with you the majority of the days, it was exactly what you had needed to recover from your previous partner. Ethan had heard about him, yet never brought him up, he never felt the need to. As far as he was concerned, you had him now, and that was all that mattered.

One day, you went out with your sisters to do some shopping. You took interest in the local food vendors that sold fresh produce, while your sisters were enchanted by the local boutique of their favorite designer brand and the release of the new collection. You interacted with the sellers, buying simple ingredients to prepare a nice meal tonight, for you and Ethan. You were surprised that your father hadn’t become curious as to your frequent absence at dinner, since you were spending each evening in private with Ethan, dining at the gazebo or at one of the guest houses. Perhaps he knew? Or maybe he just trusted you to care for yourself, after all, he never restricted you to a strict schedule, allowing you the freedom to provide for yourself whenever you needed.

As you walked the row of street vendors, a mysterious figure from afar eyeballs your movements. Stationed at the peak of a nearby tower, he aims and observes through a scope, attached to a sniper rifle. Being the only legitimate daughter of the Ambassador came with some ups and downs, and it would appear that your father had enemies that intended to cause you harm, perhaps as a warning for money or secured and private information that would affect national security. Blindly unaware, you continued on with your shopping, just seconds away from getting pierced through the chest with a stray bullet. A bullet…that was shot in silence, not a sound heard by the crowds.

Hunched over, bleeding, and choking out his last breath, the mysterious assassin slowly fades out over his rifle; a single hole in his chest leaks out the last of his vigor as his vision blackens. Across the tower, on the roof of a neighboring hotel, another rifleman kneels perched with his own weapon and silencer. Ejecting the casing out from the ejection port, a leather gloved hand catches the steaming hot brass; with his trigger finger is exposed, he releases and activates the safety switch on the weapon. Peeking through the scope, he watches the mysterious figure die out, then switches his aim over to you. Watching over you, his scope follows your every move, until Bittmerman pulls up.

“Miss y/n, it's time to get back. Your sisters are already in the car.”

You nod and smile happily. “Okay, thank you.”

Taking Bitterman’s hand, he guides you in the backseat where you are reunited with your spoiled sisters. He shuts the door and looks up to meet the eye of the scope, emitting a nod that implies your safety behind bullet proof glass and steel. Smirking, the rifleman lowers the gun and takes it apart. Chuckling to himself, he places the components of his rifle in a fine case before standing and watching Bitterman’s car drive off.

Taking his index, he bites the tip of the leather glove and pulls it off his left hand. Taking the brass casing, he flicks it up in the air before catching it with his strong hand, adorned with the fingerless leather glove. Rolling the brass in between his fingers, he admires it for a second before he preps to take his leave. Chuckling once more, he whispers under his breath, growing excited in seeing you upon his return home, knowing you'll be waiting for him.

“I’m just a butler… who likes to wear leather gloves, pretty girl.”

Taglist: aiden2001 , heeseung-min , lathan1510 , rayofsunshineeee

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someonegoood · 9 months ago

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MY WHOLE LIFE pt. 3 ✫ mason mount

part 1, part 2, final part.

in which after everything you gave, you're not sure if you're going to keep going. (brother’s best friends troop).

CONTAINS: brother’s best friend troop, angst, some smut (not really explicit) & fluff ! age gap, arguments...

AUTHOR'S NOTE: here's part 3 ! final part for my first two works, I'm proud of how it came out

taglist: @girlidekanymore @sunflower-tia @nicolesainz @chilwellspulisic @anotherfan07

inspired by taylor swift's songs.

The feeling of freshness —the wonderful smells, the damp feel of leaves falling down the trees, the breeze and the rain on your skin. The sound of rain is wonderful: not just between a hard roof and leaves, but you can hear it on different types of trees and hedges.

The flowers, which look like they were painted by Monet himself, have colours so rich that no one can even attempt to imitate them. From the smallest weed to the grandest stalk, they are all beautiful in your eyes.

Around you are your friends; some are talking or enjoying the countryside air. You had decided to take me on a little vacation before returning to the routine of the busy city of London.

No distractions, no disturbances, especially without him. After seeing how Mason smiled at that blonde standing next to him and Debbie's painful look in the boat, you knew all these years were in vain.

The moments when you took care of him after he vomited from all the alcohol he had consumed at the party, when you covered him so he could go on dates with different girls and other things you had done for him.

The last time Mason saw you still burned in the back of your mind, the little stolen glances he gave you while you were wearing a pink t-shirt, the one that you had left back in a drawer in the Mount's house. Stacey had told you the t-shirt drove him crazy.

It had been weeks, and you still couldn’t understand why nothing went your way. Was it you? Had you done something wrong? Had it been you that caused the gulf?

—Babes, how could you ever think it's your fault? Clearly, he is out of his mind. —Clara talked. You and your friends were sitting on the porch in the extensive field that belonged to your grandparents.

Then Adelaida, who was resting her head on your lap, suddenly stood up, leaning on one elbow and said: —Please don't think it's your fault, you would be lowering yourself to his level.

Everyone had been adamant that it wasn’t you... even your mother. But even with those words of affirmation, it didn’t change the internal feelings, the heartbreak that felt it was never-ending.

All you ever wanted was that connection, that string, that feeling that pulled you to another person, that proved he was the person meant to be for you. It was devastating to think back and know he wasn’t.

Even though you were angry at him, you knew that when you saw him you would act like a little girl, crazy in love.

On the other side, Mason was in the kitchen, picking at the leftover food on the tabletop as everyone else was in the living room. His mother walked into the kitchen as he took a bite of little meatballs that looked delicious and she laughed at the pieces of meat that had fallen onto the kitchen counter.

—That’s definitely not the way to eat —she smirked knowing his son wasn't the type of person to sit down and eat properly.

—But you love me anyways, mom. —Mason flashed his puppy eyes as his mum laughed at his actions. It had been a long year for Mason. He stopped turning to family events when he knew you would be there.

—Mason Tony Mount, I gave birth to you, I know you better than you know yourself-

—Mom. —Mason sighed. —Don't start this whole speech about her, please.

—Dear, I don’t even need to say her name... it will always be her. —She smiled, sadly, as she walked over to her son and placed a hand on his cheek.

—She's happy, from what I heard. —he scoffed again.

—So then you know you’re being an ass, right?

Mason's eyes widened at his mother's question but she just laughed and waved him off. —After all the years she spent after you, dear, it would be cruel for you to not let her be happy.

That sentence shattered his heart. You weren't the little girl who ran behind him in search of attention anymore, you were a woman with maturity, feelings and beauty.

—But what if I’m not happy? —he asked his mum. Debbie felt her heart clench at his words, it was never good for a mother when they saw their son being at his lowest.

—Do you love her?

There was no answer.

—See, that would be very cruel. Mase... either you love her or you’re jealous. Just remember that she's a second daughter to me and I know her like the palm of my hand. I'm certain that she’s fragile when it comes to you.

After a week in the countryside with your friends, you were back in the city, at a party the english players were throwing in celebration of their team winning the last few games.

Every time he looks at you, it’s making him go mad. It surprises him how much influence you have on his night out. He actually believed he could handle it, seeing you after a while. Normally he’s the one who takes you to the football after-parties because you begged him like crazy. But not this time.

Did you wear a white dress on purpose tonight? He doesn’t know. You look beautiful and he wishes he had the nerve to tell you how great white looks on you. He remembers the time you almost kiss in the box, you in the white sweatshirt with his number. The guy talking to you on your right was Foden. Did you wear it for him? He doesn’t believe that, he doesn’t think he deserves that.

Mason sighs. This is one of the hardest nights in his life. He shouldn’t have messed it up. If he didn’t follow what Ben said to him, he would probably be the one talking to you. Fucking Ben.

At the same time, you don’t know what’s bothering Mason. You thought he would be coming to the afterparty with Daphne, but his friends confirmed that he forgot her quickly. He didn't even kiss her. Neither touch her.

It surprised you, you were afraid he would show up with that beautiful model. A part of you felt really happy.

You feel his eyes burning into you while you talk to Foden. You quickly take the cocktail out of Phil's hands, while thanking him in the meantime. He shrugs it off.

—What’s up with you? —He asks you after you take a few sips.

—What do you mean? —You ask him. Is he noticing your bad mood? You tried hiding it, but maybe you failed.

—You seem distracted. Did something happen? —he goes on. You take a sip of your cocktail, thinking about your response. Could it be a bad plan to tell him about Mase? They’re friends after all. But on the other hand, it would be nice to talk about it to someone.

—It’s him, isn’t it? —Foden answers his own question. You didn’t even realize you were looking at Mason until Phil spoke. You nod towards him, —Let’s go outside.

Then, you're sitting on a wooden bench outside. The white dress doesn’t give you much warmth, so you embarrassingly start to shiver. Before you can notice it, Phil drapes his jacket around your shoulders.

—Fuck... —he says, regretting. —I knew it would be a bad plan to invite you. —Mutters softly, —I thought it was a good idea to make you feel better, now I just got Mount to get angry at you.

You laughed, thinking that was very cute. —That’s not true, Phil —you try to comfort him, —you can’t help me being an idiot.

—To be fair, Mason and you are both idiots. —Foden laughs, —Definitely unaware idiots-

But before he can explain to you anything, Mason shows up in front of you.

While walking back to his car, he notices the sound of people talking outside. He thinks he’s recognizing your voice. He must be going insane, he thinks tiredly to himself. But still, he walks towards the sound. Quickly seeing you and Phil sitting together... fucking hell, why are you wearing his jacket?

Before he realizes it himself, he stands before you and his teammate Foden. The chattering stops directly, did he interrupt something? He feels awkward with you and Phil looking at him amusingly. How can he fix this awful situation?

—I uh... I wanted to say bye to you. —Mason said, ignoring the existence of Phil. —I am supposed to bring you home or will Phil...?—He stutters eventually, not wanting to finish his question.

—Wait, Mase, can we talk? —You react before Mason turns around and walks to his car in a rush. He nods.

—Of course.

The silence was sharply awkward.

—Don’t forget your jacket, Foden —Mason quickly says, —she can wear mine while we’re outside.

Phil, who no longer was sitting on the bench, laughed for a bit at his hopeless friend. Then he walks up to you, and takes his own jacket from your shoulders, while Mason quickly takes off his. You give Phil a quick hug to thank him, before getting into Mason's jacket.

—Don’t be an idiot to her —says Phil toward Mason whispering in his ear. You smile shyly, flushing with Phil's comment.

Mason doesn’t know how to watch the interaction between his friend and you. He doesn't know where to look when you turn your attention to him. The white dress quickly grabs his attention once again.

Silently, both of you walk to the parking lot where his fancy Mercedes-AMG was parked. You had always made fun of him because the car was too posh in your opinion, although every time you needed a ride home you always ended up in his car.

Firstly he took the car keys out of his pocket and then he opened your door for you. He had always been a gentleman. The situation is unexpected, yet influenced by the tension that’s been built between you two through the last couple of months.

—So, what do you want to talk about? —Mason asks you. You lasted a few seconds thinking about how to answer his question.

—Why were you ignoring me today? Why didn’t you come up to me and Phil to say hi? —You fire multiple questions at him, —did I do something wrong? Are you upset with me? —Your words cut through the thick air inside the car.

—I thought the two of you were busy with each other. —Mason mutters.

You scoff, this was unbelievable. —That’s bullshit Mase, you know I always make time for you.

—God!, I just wasn’t in the mood to see you two. —He said, elevating his tone, trying to sound casual but deep down, jealousy was gnawing at him like a relentless beast.

You don’t know what to say to Mason. You don’t even know what the boy means. He wasn’t in the mood to see you? Since when could that happen?

—Why? —You barely dare to ask him. You have no choice, so you repeat your last question —why, Mase? —Your eyes start to fill with tears.

Mason sighs, —You won’t get it.

—You don’t know that. Try me.

—I just... I just don’t like seeing you with other boys —he confessed. You doubt for a bit. Should you tell him you were relieved he showed up alone instead of coming with Daphne? You decide not.

—Oh, come on Mason! You can't say that! —You almost shout. Mason's eyes open like plates. You had never raised your voice at him like that, so angry.

—Why not? —He, as well, says almost shouting.

—Because you don't have the right! It's-it's just that you can't say that as if my feelings were so simple... —You tried to calm yourself, you could lost everything now.

—Mason, I've been with you since the beginning and you know that. I'm your biggest supporter and deep inside you know I’ll always cheer for you. I’ve spent my whole girlhood- Fuck. —Tears start scrolling down your delicate face. He looks at you as if you were graceful.

—I wanted to be with you tonight, —you eventually say after a long silence—but you looked at me as if I didn’t matter.

—I know.

You sigh. Can't the boy say anything else? You feel obligated to talk further: —Why aren’t you telling me what’s wrong?

You don't get any answer. Looking at the ceiling of the car, you try to keep your cool.

—You know what? I’m going back to the party. Call me when you can explain at least something. —You want to undo yourself from Mason's warm jacket, but he stops you directly by grabbing your arm.

—I know you deserve to know what’s going on, but I don’t want to lose you. I know it’s a shitty excuse which makes everything even more unclear, but please don’t go back inside. —Mason talks soft and fast —and please keep the jacket on.

—What’s so important about the jacket? —You ask with a small smile, trying to lighten the mood a bit.

—Your dress distracts me and I don’t want to see you in anyone else’s jacket again. —This time he is direct with his words. Almost harsh. You wonder why your dress distracts him. Does he find it ugly?

—Don’t you like the dress? —You ask.

—I fucking love the dress. —Mason says. At that moment you feel something clicking. Despite his short explanation, you wonder if Mason may return your feelings.

—Just give me time. Everything is happening so fast and the fact that I'm just realizing that all these years all I've been doing is hurting you makes me go mad angry at myself. —He says, without breathing. —And... I'm sorry. I'm truly sorry for everything I've done, for the countless times I've hurt you. I promise you will have a proper explanation. —He tried to smile, with tears in his eyes.

—That's the Mase I know... —You laugh lightly and Mason just stares at you, sweetly. —Now take me back home, probably my brother is already wasted.

What you didn't know is that that day Mason Mount started falling in love with you.

A few days after you were your house, sat in the cozy familiarity of the your couch while your mother flipped through the pages of a weathered photo album resting on her lap. Each turn of the page revealed a snapshot of your brother's and your past, a journey frozen in time.

—Look! You're wearing my glasses! —Said your mother, with clear emotion in her voice. She turned some pages that had photographs of your childhood: when you were born, your first tooth fell out and many more memories.

Your cheeks flushed with nostalgic warmth, a subtle testament to the innocence and joy captured in each photograph.

Among the sepia-toned memories and faded polaroids, there was a page filled with pictures where Mason and you, both still little children, intertwined in laughter playing in the park.

Your mom pinched your cheek. —Someday you will realize that everything you did was not in vain, on the contrary, it was all worth it. —She stopped to take a breath. —Because golden loves are like that. They stay with you forever.

—How beautiful, mom. —You ironized. She laughed.

—It will, darling... Come here. —And then you hugged her. You hugged her with all your might as you felt her warmth on your face. She giggled, breaking the embrace.

—You'll need a spell to make Mason realize what a fool he is.

—Mom!

A couple days later, you were back at Stamford Bridge once again. As you approach the stadium, you can feel the excitement building. The streets around the stadium eagerly anticipate the game ahead.

Inside the stadium, the dominant colour is blue. The stands are filled with supporters adorned in their team's jerseys, scarves, and signs that say "Pride of London".

—Call her Mason, I’m sure she's in the stands —said Ben, while putting on the new shirt they played in today. Mason held his cell phone, sitting on the bench in the large locker room.

Today was Valentine's Day and Mason had a game. Your brother told Mason he was going out on a date with his girlfriend but you would go in his place, as usual. He didn't know if you were coming, so Mason was nervous, especially with the talk you had in his car.

You had called Debbie in the morning, asking her if you should come to the game, and she told you that Mason would be more than happy to see you there. You wondered if he knew what you were up to if your brother had kept him in the loop.

Pick it up.

The third tone rang while Ben tried to hold Mason, about to faint from anxiety. In the background, music was blasting from the speakers while the guys on the team began gathering in the locker room for their last talk before the game started.

Reece James leaned closer, curious why his teammate was sitting with his phone in hand, bouncing his leg nervously.

—What has got Mount that nervous? I've never seen him like this —he says to Ben, seated next to Mason, fixing his shoes.

—It's his girlfriend-

—She's not my girlfriend! —Mason interrupted Chilwell, with an expression of fear. You still haven't answered him and the fact that his friends were bothering him added to his anxiety.

—Give me that shit. —Suddenly Kai Havertz appeared out of nowhere, grabbing Mason's phone and putting the call on speaker. Everyone's attention was on the tones ringing, hoping you'll pick up. The team had witnessed your situationship since Mason had joined Chelsea, so they knew you quite well.

—Hi? Mason?

Kai, standing on the bench in the centre of the room, had the phone in his hand so everyone could hear. His eyes widened and his mouth also opened, in surprise. Everyone stood up while Mason's blood pressure went down.

With a jump, Havertz handed the cell phone to his friend so he could answer you. There was a silence between your response and his because his teammates were signalling to him, guiding him in his response.

—Yes? —That was the only thing he could think of at that moment.

—You... you've just called me minutes before your game. Is everything okay? Do you need something? —For you, it was strange that Mason called you, especially right before his game. Mason's teammates melt with your response, you seemed like a worried girlfriend.

—N-no, I was calling to know if you're on Stamford Bridge. —He stuttered, nervous about your answer. You smiled a bit, already seated between the blue tide of fans.

—Of course! I wouldn't miss a game for anything Mase. —And that was the end of him. He said goodbye saying that he had to go out and play and hoped you liked the game, while all his friends were shouting acknowledging that probably by the end of the year, they would have a new addition on their team.

The match ended with Chelsea winning by two goals and the assistance of Mason. You couldn't be more proud of him and after the exhilarating victory at Stamford Bridge, you made your way to the cooldown room, where players and staff often gather to unwind after the match.

As you entered, you spotted Mason, the hero of the game with his crucial assist. A sense of pride swelled within you as you approached him. He was putting something in his backpack, distracted.

—Incredible game out there, —you said, startling Mason. He turned with a smile, recognizing your voice without seeing your face.

—Thanks, this means a lot to me... —Mason replied, his face beaming with satisfaction. You both exchanged a few more words about the match, sharing our favourite moments and the atmosphere at the stadium. Then, out of the blue, Mason's tone turned slightly more serious.

—You know... —he said, pausing for a moment. —I've been thinking. We've been through so much together, your support has meant a lot to me.

You nodded, feeling a sense of tenderness with him. Mason took a deep breath before continuing. —Listen, I was wondering if you'd like to grab dinner later. Just to say thanks for always being there, you know?

Surprised by the unexpected invitation, you couldn't help but smile. —I'd be honoured to join you. —You said, laughing out of nervousness.

A couple hours later, Mason kept his hand on your lower back as he led you through the restaurant, your body settled into his side. His hand slid around your waist while opening the door, a shiver already wracking your body. You gasped at the white snow starting to lay outside, thick flakes slowly falling from the sky.

—Look there! Mase, it's snowing! —You tugged a little on Mason's hand on your waist, the heat replacing the cold feeling on your fingers. There was already a pretty thick layer on the ground and you wondered briefly how long it had been snowing. —It's so pretty.

Mason watched your smile widen when he was paying the bill, as you tilted your head back, eyes squinting as the flakes cascaded down. He'd never seen anyone get so excited over snow.

You looked so good under the twinkling lights, the candle in the middle of the table illuminating half of your face. He was having an amazing time, already realizing he mad in love with you.

From the way you keep your hair in a messy ponytail to the way you are surprised by the snow. Everything about you was perfect for him.

—Do you want to go for a walk before I take you home? —He slid his hand over your jaw, his thumb stroking away the little flake on your cheek. You gave a small nod, flushed since all of this was new for you. He grinned before stepping back and holding his hand out to you.

—M'lady?

You looped your arm through his and the two of you started off down the street, his gaze darting between you and the falling snow. You snuggle as close as possible to him to steal some of his natural body heat.

Snow was falling and settling into Mason’s hair, individual flakes dropping onto his eyelashes and you were certain he’d never looked prettier.

—Remember the time I tried to sneak out and you caught me? That time I was actually grounded for fighting with my brother and I wanted to buy the new console game you were so interested in. —You said, recalling those silly things.

He didn't know if his cheeks were flushed pink from the cold or from what you'd just said.

—But that game was so expensive!

—I know! I just wanted to give you something for your birthday. That's why I didn't have any presents for you at your birthday party.

Mason caught your gaze, head cocking curiously at the sudden shy look that had taken over your features. You let your eyes wander from him to the snow-filled street around you. You slowed to a stop, right against the barriers of the little lake and you leant against it, the two of you facing each other, your hand still clasped in his.

All you wanted was to grab him and kiss him, you didn’t care who saw or if you got a cold, you just wanted to kiss him in the snow.

After a silence, he said: —You know I want you, right?

You looked at him. Surprised. Self-conscious Scared. But above all, in love.

—I've been thinking and I can't help falling for you now. I’m not jealous because you have other people in your life, I’m not a fucking kid. That time with Phil, at the party, made me realize that I want you with me... By my side. I want to be the one you say 'I love you' to, I want to be the one that cuddles you, that-

You interrupted him. —Mase, I… I don’t know how to say this… —Voice uncertain as you watched for his reaction, for any flicker of emotion that stated he didn't want that.

His face fell, and he retracted his hands from the barriers that before were trapping you between his body and the barriers. Ready for rejection, he looked into your eyes.

—I… I like you too. —You looked down, feigning sadness. When you looked up, he was squinting at you. —I don't know how are you convincing my brother you're good enough for me...

—I'd probably invite him to one of my games and we could go for dinner after the game? I'll book somewhere for us. —You matched his smile with a nod, shoulders relaxing slightly after the confession as you pulled your hand from his so you could settle your arms around his neck instead.

—Sounds amazing. Deep inside he's a West Ham fan, y'know. — Mason's face contorted a little when he bumped his nose against yours, lips lightly brushing together.

—Oh shut up, —he muttered into your lips, —let me kiss you.

And you obeyed, your hands resting nervously at his neck as he ravished you, his tongue begging for entrance. You allowed it, moaning into his lips as they intertwined perfectly. His hands travelled from your hair to your waist where he pushed you closer to him.

You indeed had waited your whole life for this.

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hailsatanacab · 11 months ago

Note

I'll ask after that secret number 8!

I only remembered secret number 8 because I saw your wip here! I'd started this one based on the same prompt, then lost said prompt and stopped working on it 😅

Instead of a snippet, I'm just dropping it all here - maybe that way I'll feel inspired to finish it?

———

It’s a full house for dinner tonight and, really, that should have tipped him off.

Bruce sits at the head of the table, smiling softly as he watches over everyone’s antics. Damian is regaling Dick with everything they saw at the zoo that day (Danny had been so happy to see Delilah the purpleback gorilla again, and her new little additions to the troupe, too!) and how well they are implementing the grant the Wayne Foundation had gifted them. Tim, Steph, Cass, and Duke are all engaged in a thumb-war tournament which Danny has no interest in participating in. It just wouldn’t be fair on them.

Danny loves that look. The one where Bruce’s eyes crinkle when he thinks none of the kids can see him. It oozes love and it makes Danny’s heart, his core, ache.

It’s been a little over a year since Alfred found him on the street and managed to wrangle him back to the manor to stay—even after the whole biting thing when he realised how rich they were.

A little over a year here and Danny’s starting to feel like family.

Starting to feel like he might, just maybe, like to make it official.

“Danny,” Bruce says, drawing everyone’s attention. Danny starts at his name, but Bruce’s voice is warm and calm, and his shoulders lose their tension almost immediately. “Danny, I have something I would like to tell you.”

“Uhhh…” is all Danny can croak out, eyes flicking back and forth between Bruce and the rest of them. Smooth. Looking good, Danny.

Except… they’re all happy. All smiles, all relaxed body language, all radiating calm and love and acceptance. Well, not Damian—his face is as thunderous as it always is—which at least means it’s nothing too out of the ordinary.

“Danny, first of all, I just want to impress upon you that this is in no way something you have to do. You are under no obligation to join us and, no matter what, you shall always be welcome with us in the manor.”

Wait, what? Danny squints at Bruce, trying to parse exactly what he’s saying… Is he—is this them asking to adopt him? Do they want to make it official, too?

It’s been a little over a year and of course Danny has imagined calling Bruce ‘Dad’. Of course he’s imagined being part of the family, of course he wants to make it official!

He can’t help the beaming grin or the bright and bubbling “Yes!” already waiting on his lips. All Bruce has to do is ask, all Danny needs to hear is—

“I’m Batman.”

The smile freezes on Danny’s face.

His lungs stop working, his heart stops working, he stops working, he just—

“And I’m Nightwing,” Dick smiles, breaking the awkward silence.

Danny’s eyes snap to him, and then down to Tim when he admits to being Red Robin. Duke is Signal, Steph is Spoiler. Damian begrudgingly tells him he’s Robin, but Danny can barely hear it over the ringing in his ears.

“I’m Black Bat.” Cass cocks her head, almost looking concerned. It always felt like she understood him the most. Whenever he was feeling low, too in his memories, or stewing after a nightmare, she was always there, ready to card her fingers through his hair and never mention his tears. It makes his heart ache to think of it now. “It’s okay, Danny.”

It’s meant to be reassuring, but how—how can it be okay? How?

Danny’s spent a little over a year with them. A little over a year with Batman.

Batman, who works with the Justice League, who works with…

A little over a year.

Just under 16 months since he escaped.

“Danny? Are you alright?” Bruce asks

Finally, his lungs kickstart and suck in a shuddering breath, only for everyone to drop their smiles.

Didn’t take them long, did it? Now that their ruse is up, there’s no kindness in their eyes, they’re just… cold, calculating. Evaluating.

“Why?” Danny gasps, his fingers tingling, his heart in his throat.

Just under 16 months since he—has he escaped? Or was this just another one of their experiments?

"I... I trusted you, why—" Danny chokes back a sob, gritting his teeth as his shoulders shake. Why? Why would they do this? "I was happy here, with you. I thought... Weren't you happy?"

"Danny..." Bruce is looking at him, eyes narrow and eyebrows pinched, in some cruel facsimile of confused concern and all Danny can think is how much of an actor he is. How well he can play the part of a doting father. How much he made him want that.

"I don't understand, why..."

"I'm sorry we didn't tell you before, I can imagine that it comes as a shock. We shouldn't have lied to you, Danny, but—"

"Stop it!" Danny slams his hands down on the table and pushes himself up on wobbly legs. Even standing, he feels so small. Smaller than Bruce, than all of his adopted siblings. They crowd above him when they all stand, too. "Just stop it! Why are you doing this, why are you still pretending? Stop it!"

It was easier, with Danny's biological parents. The knowledge that they'd do anything to get him on a lab table, to open him up and see what makes him tick, to rip him apart molecule by molecule, had always been there. He knew they hated ghosts. He knew they hated Phantom. He knew they hated him. It was easier because it was something he'd known all his life. When he died, when he became a ghost, he knew what to expect from them. It hurt, of course it did.

But it was easier than this.

"Danny, I'm going to need you to take a deep breath. You're having a panic attack and you need to breathe."

"Breathe?" Danny laughs, the sound harsh and choking, too high pitched in his hysteria. "You're joking, right? Or is this just more of the—the experiment?"

"Danny, please, we don't know what you're talking about, you—"

"You don't know? You're Batman! You work with the Justice League, you work with—" His words choke off as his stomach churns, bile rising in his throat. His whole body itches, screaming at him to leave, he can't go back, he can't, he can't, he can't!

Bruce takes a hesitant step forward and Danny scrambles back, his feet catching on the chair behind him and sending him careening to the floor. Where are the agents? Why aren't they swarming in, ready to apprehend him, strap him back on the table, carve him from the inside out.

"Please, Danny, calm down. We don't—"

Danny stops listening. His back hits the wall and he pulls his knees into his chest, his shoulders dipping down as he begins to sob. His heart throbs inside his throat, too painful to swallow around. Tears fall hot and heavy on his face.

Sure, he could run. He could phase out through the wall and he could be out of Gotham in a couple of hours. He's escaped the GIW once, he can do it again.

But that was before Batman knew who he was. Before he had the World's Greatest Detective on his tail.

Before he...

He really thought this would be different, you know?

He wanted to make it official.

"Why did... Why were you so nice to me? Why did you make me like you? I really—I really liked you. I-I thought we could be a family."

"Danny, we are a—"

"Don't lie to me!" Danny snaps, but the force of his anger leeches all the fight from him, and suddenly all that's left is a bone-weary tiredness. There’s a lump in his throat that hurts. There’s a line down his chest that burns. "I don't care. I don't care anymore, I don't. Just... don't make me go back there. Please."

Is it futile? He thought he knew how the GIW operated by now, the depths that they would go to achieve their results, but this... this was a whole new level of pain that Danny thought he had left behind him in Amity.

"We're not going to make you go anywhere, Danny, you're safe here, I promise."

"Safe? Safe? You must have—" he takes a deep breath, tries to stop the quivering of his voice. It’s all starting to make sense, now. "The reason you're telling me who you are is because you must have told them everything already. I know the Justice League—I know you're working with them, which means the ex-experiment is over now, and they're coming to take me back. And I can't go back."

"Danny—"

"I can’t!” Danny glares at Bruce with all the rage he can, fingernails digging into his skin. “I’m not going back!"

"That's right, you're not going back, Danny. I won't let that happen." Bruce crouches down in front of Danny, his hands open and raised as if he's trying to say he's not a threat. "I don't know who you're talking about, and I'm sorry about that, but I can promise you that you’re not going back there. We will keep you safe."

Danny pulls himself closer, tucks himself further into the wall, eyes flickering all across the room waiting for that tell-tale flash of white as the agents start to swarm.

He should take his chances now and run, he should go, he needs to go!

The rest of them, his brothers and sisters of a little over a year, are spread out, giving him and Bruce some space. The same concern colours all of their faces. Why are they still pretending?

Steph is chewing on her thumb.

Danny liked Steph and her brash confidence, her jokes. She's been promising to paint his nails for months now, they've just never found the time. He was going to go for green and black, or maybe a galaxy theme, depending on what she felt comfortable doing.

He likes them all.

"You were supposed to be my family." His mouth turns down at the corners and his voice shakes like a child. "You were supposed to—why? Why would you—I don't understand why you would make me like you..."

"This isn't an experiment, Danny," Bruce's voice is steady, soothing. "I promise."

"But you work with them and—"

"Who do I work with?"

"The Justice League."

"Yes, I do, but we—"

"And the Justice League works with them. The GIW." Danny trembles with the name, clutching tightly onto his hoodie. "I'm not going back there, Bruce."

Danny doesn't miss Bruce's look over his shoulder, nor Tim's nod in return. Tim turns slightly to the side to hide his movements, but Danny bets he has his phone in his hand, probably letting them know they can take him now. Guess this is it, then. They'll be here soon, and he'll be gone.

"Kill me."

"Danny? What do—"

"If you ever had any kindness for me, if you ever cared, kill me. Please, Bruce. I can't do it again."

"Danny..."

"End me now. Take my core out and break it, please, before they get here."

#dpxdc #dcxdp #dpxdc fanfic #wip game #thanks for the ask <3 and thanks for helping me remember this fic lol #also huge thanks for having the prompt linked because i have S O M A N Y prompt wips that i can't ever post because i've lost the post #didn't really know how to get danny to calm down #that's a lie #i have a few ideas of where this can go but no motivation for it - not against all the other wips #i'll keep at it and ig post to ao3 should it actually start looking alright #¯\_(ツ)_/¯#dudes did u kno u can pin shit to your clipboard on desktop because i fucking love that #also if you use the windows key + . there's like emojis and shit #(((φ(◎ロ◎;)φ)))#<- and kaomoji too!!!!!#anyway that's been fun facts and fanfic with me. ur welcome #oh shit my writing tag #hailsatanacrab🦀🦀writes #at some point 'oh shit my writing tag' will just become my writing tag #anyway thank you again for the ask #good night everyone!!!!!

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vigilantethot · 1 year ago

Text

DRIVING ME CRAZY

Pairing: Miguel O’Hara x villain!reader

Summary: You’re a villain who steals and hops dimensions. Miguel is irritated.

A/N: I had this concept in my head and I just had to write it. Maybe I'll make it a fic one day. I say reader is a villain but she's mostly good tbh. Just a lil selfish and a crybaby lol

Becoming a villain was the best career choice you ever made. The moral satisfaction of being a hero was great, but it wasn’t paying the bills. Sure, helping the world become a better place was cool and all- but it wasn’t enough. You liked having nice things. Cute designer shoes, nice furniture for your apartment, and 26’ bundles weren’t cheap, and you were not going to live the life you deserve by saving kittens and stopping small drug dealers. You’re a powerful superhuman, and you knew that monetizing your powers would get you everything you deserved. So, you did some digging, made some connections, and started doing “jobs” for unsavory people. You refused to be a hitman, having all that on your conscience was not worth it, so you settled on doing theft, trespassing, and other unscrupulous things for cash. Not long after that, the cash started rolling in and you were finally living the life you wanted to.

You discovered your powers at age 10 after accidentally cloning yourself at a sleepover out of fear, while watching a horror movie. Over time, you discovered that you had more powers than just Bio-Fission. You had the power of energy projection, possession, telekinesis, resurrection, and teleportation. You were basically a very powerful witch. Your parents pulled you out of school as your powers grew in your teenage years, as your powers were very hard to control at first, and often your powers only came out when you were in emotional distress. You didn't mind being homeschooled, as your friends started to avoid you out of fear, and you were tired of eating lunch at a table by yourself. You used these years to learn as much as possible about your abilities and learn how to wield them. When you reached 18, you moved out of your parents house and started a new life in New York City. You kept a low profile, making a few friends but you never divulged the information about your powers to them.

About two years into your stay in NYC, you heard about a Spiderman. A man with superhuman strength and a red and black costume, fighting crime in Brooklyn. You were inspired, it WAS possible to use your powers and be accepted and loved! You made a makeshift costume, a simple black long sleeve shirt and black leggings. You put a masquerade mask on your face, not knowing how to sew and contract a mask like Spiderman. You started fighting crime in Manhattan, making the city a better place one day at a time.

Then, at 24 years old, you’d had enough of trying to save the city. It wasn’t paying the bills, and you didn't want to depend on your parents your whole life. So you made the switch.

FIRST MEETING

Finding out you could teleport through dimensions exponentially increased your salary. You weren’t just doing jobs for disgustingly rich people on your Earth, you could go anywhere! You made a name for yourself on your Earth, many rich and powerful people sought you out to steal a priceless art piece or artifact for them. Business was booming, and you started to be on Spiderman and other heroes radars. With heroes on your ass, you thought it would be best to travel to other dimensions and do jobs, until the heat was off you.

That’s how you found yourself on Earth-928B. Some greedy CEO hired you to take something for him, a rare Diamond located in a highly secured safe. This diamond was not for sale, but the CEO insisted he needed it for his collection, so when the $200k check cleared, you made your way to the safe and started to execute your plan. Your game plan was simple, teleport into the safe, grab the diamond, and teleport out. You were then to call your boss for the evening and make your way to the drop off location, in the Four Seasons parking lot, where you were staying for the “job”.

Unbeknownst to you, Miguel O’Hara, this dimension’s Spiderman, was on your heels. He didn't really care about the crime you committed, but you were an anomaly and your presence in his universe was a threat. He got Lyla to track what hotel room you were staying in at the Four Seasons, and he knew you would be back right after the job. So he waited. He examined your room, looking for nothing in particular. You took very little with you. He found a small bag next to the bed, filled with some clothes and various toiletries. Yes, he knew he was invading your privacy, but he was intrigued by you for some reason. How were you able to just hop through dimensions? Lyla informed him about your various warrants throughout the multiverse, as well as your secret identity. He looked at your drivers license picture a bit too long, enchanted by your brown skin and bright smile. You were beautiful, and he admired your picture for a few more seconds before going back to rummaging through your bag. Your scent was very appetizing, the smell of lavender and shea butter filling his nostrils and calling to him. He came across a sexy black and red lace thong, and shamelessly held up up and nodded his head in approval. You were clearly a very stylish, sexy woman with expensive taste, just his type. Too bad he had to arrest you and forcefully send you home.

He heard a key card go into the door, and he quickly stuffed the panties back in the bag and scrambled to a hiding spot behind the door in the dark en suite bathroom. He watched through the crack in the door and waited until you took your shoes off and moved toward the bed. You plopped on the bed, pulling out your phone and scrolled mindlessly.

God, she really should work on her situational awareness.

Miguel quietly made his way from behind the open door, and moved to stand in the dark bathroom doorway. You were facing away from him, playing some water sorting game on your phone as he silently made his way to the bed to grab and restrain you.

Until his watch made a beeping sound.

You moved impossibly fast, and he found himself impressed with you as you quickly stood up and projected an energy ball at him, causing the spot in his suit where you hit him to glitch.

The masked intruder in your room stood completely still. He slowly raised his massive gloved hands, and you took in his appearance with wide eyes as you started to feel fear for the first time in a while. Fuck, he was huge. His stature was intimidating, and as you looked at the emblem on his chest, you started to breath harder. This colossal Spiderman is in your hotel room, and although you were very powerful, you didn't know what he was capable of. Your earths Spiderman had almost caught you once, and if he was as strong as that one, you knew you wouldn’t win this fight.

“Relax, I’m not going to hurt you.”

You noticed a slight accent to his words, and if you weren’t so scared you would think his voice was sexy.

“What do you want then?”

You spoke in a whisper, too frightened to raise your voice. He had super hearing anyway.

“Im here to take you back to Earth 1610. Its dangerous for you to be here.”

Fuck, he knew who you were.

He was definitely going to take you back to your Earth and give you to your earths Spiderman. You would rather die then spend your life in that prison they stick all the villains in. You tried to will yourself to teleport the fuck out of there but your powers never worked how you wanted when you were this upset. Of course.

You made a split decision and bolted to the door, very fast, but not fast enough. Spiderman grabbed your arms from behind and you knew you couldn’t fight him off. So you cloned yourself.

You didn't look back to see his reaction, not that you could see any expression on that mask. You bolted out of the door and made your way to the stairwell. You couldn’t just leave your clone behind, if she were to be harmed or taken you wouldn’t be able to leave without suffering. Your clone was an extension of you, a perfect mirror of yourself and if you were to leave her behind it could fracture your mind beyond repair. You would also rather die than live your days as an insane witch.

If you were calm enough, you could will your clone to come back into your mind. You took a few deep breaths and closed your eyes. You weren’t far from your room in this stairwell, so you were quickly able to find that invisible rope that connects your minds and yanked her back. You’re attempt was successful, and feeling whole again, you teleported to a random dimension in order the get the hell away from there. You made a mental note to never do a job on that Earth again.

Meanwhile, back in the hotel room, Miguel cursed loudly at his failure. He then made a promise to find you, before you end up traveling universes again and possibly destroying them for your own selfish gain.

SECOND MEETING

After almost being caught by the Behemoth Spiderman, you decided not to take any jobs for a while and lay low. You chose a random Earth again, and bought a room in a luxury resort on the beach in the Maldives. You spent your days drinking daiquiris and being served Caviar by the pool. You had been working so much that you had to spare no expenses, you had more than enough money to live lavishly for a while at least. Your mind often wondered towards that Spiderman you encountered. Your Earths Spider man was a young kid, the only one alive after the death of the older Spiderman. Neither Spiderman was as big as the one you encountered, and you wondered how many other variations of Spiderman there were. And how many of them knew who you were? Shit, how many variations of you were there? The mere thought of this was overwhelming, and you quickly got up to from the Pool chair you were lounging in and made your way to the bar to get another drink, hoping a buzz would kill your existential dread.

When that didn't work, you decided to just go back to your room and watch some reality TV and relax. You had been living this lifestyle for almost a year, and you were starting to get tired of no romantic or even platonic relationships. You had lovers in the past, but due to your lifestyle they never lasted long. You longed for a stable life now, the villain life was getting old. But you were in too deep to go back now.

You finally made it to your room, taking your shoes off and plopping on the couch in the living room of your spacious suite. You kicked your feet up and turned on the TV, ready to watch some petty arguments and pointless drama.

“What did I tell you about being in universes that you don’t belong in?”

You froze as you heard that familiar deep voice with that accent behind you. Behemoth Spiderman made his way from behind you and stood in front of you on the couch with closed fists, caging you in. He must’ve been in the bedroom waiting for you.

Your mind was racing, as you looked at him with wide eyes and furrowed brows.

“How the fuck did you find me??”

My voice was shaky, laced with fear.

“You need to go back to Earth 1610. You are putting this whole universe at risk with your selfishness.”

Spiderman spoke calmly, ignoring your question, chin up and shoulders wide with confidence. He finally found you.

Miguel obsessively searched for you for weeks, you had somehow fallen off his radar, and because you don't travel through any portals, he couldn’t track you. He alerted the spider society of your existence, and told them to tell him if they have any tips. He strongly insisted that they didn't engage with you if they found you. He wanted to catch you himself, and he needed you to understand that you couldn’t just hop in other dimensions just because you want money. He finally got a tip when the Spiderman on the Earth you were currently on informed him that you were at this resort, your cover was blown on a drunken night when you teleported into a bodega late at night because you were craving a chopped cheese. You didn’t even think anyone would notice, but the owner alerted Spiderman about your appearance after checking the security camera. He then knew that you didn't have some evil “I will destroy all universes” plan, you were just trying to find happiness and live your life the way you wanted to. He didn’t know how you would react to him finding you again, but he was prepared to lock you in Spider HQ forever if you didn't abide by his rules.

Miguel ignored his urge to get closer to you just to smell that sweet lavender and shea butter scent that he had in the back of his mind for weeks. He ignored the urge to ogle you as you were dressed in a skimpy bikini and a sheer coverup. You were breathtaking, he was definitely attracted to you and Miguel struggled to find any more words as you looked up at him with tears in your eyes and lip wobbling. He didn't want to make you cry, he didn't want to hurt you at all. He just wanted you to listen to him and stop making dumb, selfish decisions.

“Im sorry!! Please don’t kill me! Ill do whatever you say, please, just don’t kill me!”

You wailed, you knew you were in big trouble and you knew this Spiderman was deadass about catching you, especially if he was able to track you to a whole different universe.

“Just come with me.”

He quickly grabbed your arm and opened a portal to Spider Society HQ. You looked around at the huge building, crawling with tons of spidermen. You felt your cheeks warm up in embarrassment and you felt them staring at you.

Holy shit, you were fucked. Behemoth Spiderman led you throughout the lobby and building by your arm, presumably to your death. You were surprised when he threw you in a red prismatic cage. You stumbled and fell to the ground in the cage, looking up at Behemoth Spiderman. You were planning to beg for your life as he took his mask off, and whatever plea you were going to say completely disappeared as you took him in for the first time.

“I didn't know Spiderman was so hot.”

The words just fell out of your mouth without thinking, and you quickly shut your mouth in embarrassment. Miguels face was stone cold and unreadable, and his red eyes pinned you in place with his stare. He didn't acknowledge your statement. He just stared at you.

You quickly lowered your gaze, his stare was way too intense and his demeanor was unsettling.

“Someone will bring you food shortly. Im taking you home tomorrow.”

His statement made you snap your head back up and shake your head vigorously. You stood up, still shaking your head, tears filling your eyes.

“NO! I can’t go home! They’ll put me in prison forever! I haven’t killed anyone, just let me go and I’ll do whatever you want.”

You tried to use your puppy dog eyes that worked on so many men before, but your attempt at trying to guilt him didn't work at all. He didn't even respond as he turned away and walked away from the little prison you were in.

“Asshole!”

You screamed. He stopped in his tracks for a few seconds, and you waited to see if he would turn around and let you out. He just kept walking after about 15 seconds of standing like a statue.

You banged on the glass with your hands, and tried to use your energy balls to break the cage to no avail. You slumped to the ground in defeat, tears falling.

You were so fucked.

Miguel watched you cry in the cage from his office, feeling guilty. Sure, you were a villain and a criminal, but you have never harmed anyone, and you truly seemed to think you weren’t putting anyone in danger with your dimension hopping. You genuinely seemed like a good person who makes bad choices.

He hated this feeling. He hated feeling at all, he worked tirelessly just to not feel anything. This was very unlike him, he knew he could be a bit obsessive but he wanted nothing more than to wipe your tears and comfort you.

He watched you sob for a few more minutes before deciding to do something he thought he would never do. He was going to let you out. Based on your emotional state right now, he felt confident that you wouldn’t go outside your dimension again. For now at least.

He went back to your cage, and you stood up to look at him with teary eyes.

“You can go back home. I won’t hand you over to Spiderman but promise me you won’t go dimension hopping again.”

“I promise! I promise! Thank you!”

He barely got his words out before you made your promises. He slightly shook his head, amused with how much of a crybaby you were.

He opened your cage and opened a portal to your earth, and watched you as you walked through. He fought a smile as you turned around and thanked him one last time. The portal closed, and he turned to go back to his office as he ignored the protests of the other prisoners to let them out too.

THIRD MEETING

You knew this was bad. You knew you weren’t supposed to come back to Nueva York but after 3 months of laying low and avoiding Spiderman on your Earth, you were bored. You only took this job because of the ridiculous amount of money that was offered to you. And also to maybe get a glimpse of the sexy Spiderman again. You just couldn’t refuse. Besides, it would take only a few minutes to steal this artifact anyway. He couldn’t possibly know you were even here, right?

The job went smoothly, the client got the artifact and you were paid handsomely. This could last you a whole year! You were so high on your success that you made the decision to quickly stop at a bar here and celebrate. Behemoth Spiderman was far from your mind as you wandered the beautiful futuristic city. You settled on a nice bar with a patio and had a drink. And another. And about 3 more. You couldn’t resist a good smoky tequila.

You stubbed around Nueva York for God knows how long, taking in the city. This place was nice, and it didn't even smell like pee unlike your Earths New York. Your drunken haze was interrupted when you heard commotion in an alleyway ahead. You heard fighting, and some type of weapons being fired. You slowly crept up to the alleyway, determined to stop this. You might be a thief, but you won’t just let someone die like this.

You prepared to use your powers and ran into the alleyway, right into the action. If you were sober, you would’ve had a game plan. But the tequila took over and you were ready to save the day.

You were shocked to find Behemoth Spiderman being beaten by three large men. They seemed to have supernatural abilities, as their movement were too fast to be human.

Wasting no time, you attacked. You summoned your power from deep inside and threw the most powerful, brutal ball of energy towards the men. Two were knocked down and wheezing, and you quickly sent another powerful ball of energy towards the last one, incapacitating him.

Behemoth Spiderman looked at you, eyes narrowing on his suit. He stormed towards you, enraged that you were here.

“What the fuck are you-

His rant was cut off by a shot, and you looked in terror as a huge arrow pierced through his suit and chest, poking out of both sides.

“Oh shit!”

You immediately sent another energy ball up to the assailant behind Behemoth Spiderman, and used your telekinesis to take the gun away from him.

Spiderman fell to his knees, losing blood and feeling dizzy. You looked on in disbelief. You can’t just let Spiderman die.

He reaches a shaky hand forward, and tries to say something to you before choking on his blood.

You had to save him. You knew that he would die. You pulled the arrow out of his chest, and he collapses on the ground. He’s not breathing, and he has no pulse. You had no choice but to resurrect him.

You put your hand on his chest, and summoned your power once again. You would need a lot to pull this off. You had resurrected things before, like cats and your house plants, but never a human.

Guess its never too late to start, right?

You feel your power coursing through you, fingers turning black as your power grows. You put your hands on his chest, silently appreciation the pure muscle of this man. You surge your power into him, and you blackout for a few seconds while the resurrection begins. You feel his wound close and his heart starts faintly beating again. You give him your power until you feel his heart beat strongly and his breaths are even. He will be asleep for some time, as he finishes healing, so you have enough time to escape. You press his watch, trying to see if there’s a button to press of help. You touch random things until a tiny holographic woman pops up. The AI woman scans Spiderman, probably searching for injuries.

You don’t wait for it to say anything. You let out a quick “Get him help.”

You don’t wait for help to come. You teleport back to your dimension, in your parents house. You hadn’t talked to them in a while, afraid that they might not accept your lifestyle but you know they would protect you with their life. You pass out in the living room where you teleported into, resurrections always drained your energy, but this was another level. You let sleep take you as your father lifted you and put you in your childhood bed.

Miguel woke up confused. He was sure he died, because of you. So why was he in the medical sector of the Spider Society? He called on LYLA, and she told him what happened. He was livid that you didn't listen to his demands, but he was eternally grateful that you saved him. He knew you were a good person. Truthfully, he had thought about you all the time, wishing he could talk to you and get to know you.

He felt incredible gratitude towards you for saving him, and he was determined to find you again, this time to thank you.

FOURTH MEETING

After making a full recovery, Miguel started to think of ways to pay you back for what you did for him. He weighed all options in his head, before finally deciding on making you a upgraded suit with the best tech, after hearing that you were back to being a hero, this time in your hometown. He was proud of you, and he couldn’t wait to see you and tell you that. LYLA commented on his affection for you, which he very unconvincingly brushed off.

You seemed happy, Miguel admittedly stalked your social media from fake pages to track you down. And to also admire your pictures. He really wished you had a picture in that thong he saw in your hotel room.

The suit was finally finished, it was black with hot pink detailing. It hugged all the right places, and the gear was basically indestructible. The face mask was in the masquerade style that you always wore. He really hoped you liked it.

He came on a Sunday. He came with no suit on, just casual clothes. He waited outside your house until your parents left before knocking at the door, anxiety at an all time high.

You opened the door without looking who it was, thinking one of your parents forgot something. You were shocked to see the beautiful face of the man that had tracked you and imprisoned you for a few hours.

“Lo siento, I don’t mean to bother you. I just wanted to come here and thank you for what you did for me.”

You immediately calmed down, relived that he hadn’t come to lock you up. You had been on your best behavior, after all. You gave him a smile, which he quickly returned. He looked hot in that white tee he was wearing, it hugged all of his muscles in the best way possible.

“Come in.”

He followed you inside, sitting with you on the couch. You were watching that same show in the Maldives. You two sat in silence for a while, staring at each other. The silence wasn’t awkward at all, his presence calmed you and you felt safe. He was distracted by you so much he forgot why he came in the first place.

“So what’s in that box?”

You pointed to the gift in his hand, rising an eyebrow.

“Oh- yeah,” he cleared his throat, embarrassed that he was staring at you in silence like a creep “This is for you. I know you’ve been helping the people here and I thought that you might appreciate a new suit.”

Your eyes widen in surprise, not only did he come to thank you but he bought a gift too? Could he get any hotter?

You snatched the gift with a huge smile and he laughed, your happiness made him happy.

You ripped the box open, and your jaw dropped at your gift. The suit was beautiful, and it looks like it had some seriously fancy tech. You often opted just for a black jumpsuit, but this was such an upgrade.

You couldn’t control your excitement, and you squealed. Spiderman thought it was the cutest sound he’d ever heard. You pulled him in for a hug, which he quickly returned, melting into your embrace.

You pulled away and ran to your room.

“I gotta try this on! Stay put.”

He couldn’t even leave if he tried. He wanted to be here with you forever.

When you came out, his chest tightened at how well the suit fit you. He couldn’t take his eyes off of you. He watched as you admired your new gear in the mirror, clearly pleased with it.

“What do you think?”

He shook his head in disbelief, not understanding how someone could be so beautiful.

“You look phenomenal.”

You looked over to him, cheeks warming as you catch his gaze. You walk towards him on the couch, and he stands up. His eyes never leave your face and body as you come closer and closer. You stop when you’re chest to chest looking up at him with your beautiful eyes.

“You know, you never told me your name.”

Spiderman looked down shyly.

“It’s Miguel.”

You nod, smiling.

“Thank you, Miguel.”

He takes off your mask, putting it on the couch.

“You’re welcome, hermosa.”

Miguel grabs your face, leaning down and meets your lips, barely touching them, as if he’s teasing to see if you’ll pull away. When you don’t, he pulls you in for a slow, romantic kiss that takes your breath away. You don’t stop kissing, lips intertwining like you’ll pass away if you part. You don’t know much about Miguel, but you do know you could have your lips on his forever.

#miguel o'hara x black reader #miguel o'hara #miguel spiderverse #miguel o'hara x reader #miguel x reader #black reader

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jessjad · 1 year ago

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A very happy Halloween

Summary: Y/N friend takes her to a Halloweenparty. Not what she wanted to do this evening. And on top of it, she puts Y/N in a costume that's totally out of her comfort zone. But she would've never guessed how this night would end.

Pairing: Soldier Boy/Ben x Reader

Warnings: Annoyance, some body insecuritys, typical Ben (yes, he get's his own warning), Smut: 18+ only!

Word count: 2247

A/N: I had this idea in mind because we all love this grumpy 'ol gramps very much. And I've read so many great storys in the last time. Especially @zepskies awesome little excursion into this world got me inspired. So, do yourself a favor and go check it out here. And since october is almost over and I looove october, the setting was really fitting to me. Like a little halloween treat for you guys. 😊 Let me know what you think.

Y/N had enough. This whole evening was not going as she had planed. Normally by now she would be laying on her couch with a cozy blanket, drinking a warm cider and watching some halloween classics on Netflix. A spooky evening at home, by herself. That's what she had invisioned and now her best friend Caroline had brought her to this lame party for "fun". But it was not fun, it was dragging.

The house was big and fancy. It looked like one of those somenone rich would inherit just for status purposes, but actually noone really stayed there. A lot of empty bedrooms and nothing more. Y/N wasn't quite sure how her friend even got invited to this, but here they were. And not just them, many other people too. Some of them seemd familiar, but Y/N couldn't quiet put her finger on it. Caroline had excused herself ten minutes after they arrived and was now sitting by the improvised bar with a guy in a sausage costume, making out.

Maybe Y/N should just leave. The music was horrible and she hated her own costume. Sitting on the couch alone for what felt like an eternity, it seemed like everyone was staring at her. She downed her drink and started to feel her anxiety fade a little, but Y/N still felt very out there and cought people looking. Coming to this party was basically a last minute thing, so there were not a lot of choices what she could've be wearing. And with Car leading this operation she had almost no say in this. Eventhough she tried, hard.

"I can't wear this, Car." Y/N protested after her first look at the costume her friend had brought with.

"Of course you can! It's THE best costume for you."

The brownhaired woman took it into her own hands and held it infront of Y/N.

"C'mon, Y/N. You love black!"

"But this..." Y/N gestured wildly to the piece of fabric infront of her. "... is a jumpsuit! I don't have the body to be wearing something like this."

"Of course you can! Your curves are just right for this. C'mon, try it on." Caroline hushed her into the bedroom.

"No, no, no, no. YOU have the right curves, Car. You look beautiful in almost everything you wear." And it was true. Y/N loved her friend and she was beautiful. Her Queen Maeve costume looked just right. "I have just a little to much from everything."

"No, you don't. Sometimes I wish I had a little more of you..." and Y/N saw in her friends eyes that she really meant it. "Now, stop trying to talk your way out of it. Get dressed."

The jumpsuit fitted but Y/N still didn't feel comfortable. "I'll have to peel myself completly out of it if I wanna use the bathroom."

"That's not a bad thing, if you don't have to do it yourself." Caroline giggled.

"That's not funny." but Y/N still had to smile. "I don't fell comfortable in this. Can I not just stay at home?"

"We're gonna have fun, Y/N. Why are you fighting this so much?" Car asked. "Is it because of Roy?"

"Caroline..." Y/n didn't wanna talk about her ex, but her friend knew what was actually wrong.

"Why do you still think about what that asshat had to say? He was wrong and did not deserve you. And now..." Caroline squeezed her arms and smiled. "...we will have a really fun night. Let's go."

But this wasn't fun at all. In the corner of her eye she saw a man approaching her. It wasn't the first time this evening, but she really didn't wanna have another weird encounter. Y/N stood up and was about to leave as the guy in the crappy Homelander costume caught up to her.

"Hey, hey... don't leave."

"I need to find my friend, so..." Y/N turned around, but the man grabbed her arm.

"C'mon, don't be like that. It seems like you need someone who can carry some weight and as you see... I'm Homelander. So, why not..."

"No." Y/N cut him off and freed her arm. This was really the worst she heard tonight.

"We're gonna have a really good time..." he made attempts to grab her arm again but didn't get far with it.

"I think she said no." a dark voice came from behind her.

Sighing internally Y/N turned around to face the other man the same way, but as soon as she laid eyes on him, her mind went blank. Tall, broad shoulders and a devilish grin on his handsome face.

"Are... are you really Soldier Boy?" Y/N full attention now on him.

"Ah, man! C'mon, I was making my move here." complained the poor man's Homelander behind them, but the Supe was quick to answer.

"Put your beardsplitter away and fuck off before I forget myself." The look he gave the other man left no room for a protest and seconds later they were alone.

"But to answer your question: Yes, I am." with a charming smile he gave Y/N his full attention now." But for you, it's Ben."

"Oh, wow. I mean... what are you doing here?"

"Looking for some fun... So, you wanna have a drink with me?" Ben was already heading to the bar, so very sure of himself that her hesitance irritated him a little.

"Wait, wait! Just... just to be clear." Y/N gleamed at him and he smiled. "You're really THE Supe?"

Ben saw the hopeful glance in her eyes and he puffed his chest out a little more. "The one and only, yeah."

"That means... you're just like all the others?"

Ben saw the shift in her eyes and it got him a little confused. "What do you mean?"

"Oh, I just know all to well how your kind is. Ruthless, brutal, not caring about us 'normal' people?" Y/N's tone got a little sharper and the awe in her eyes got replaced by a hard look.

"Hang on a minute..." Ben's brows furrowed, but the woman in front of him wasn't done.

"And now all of you don't even care anymore and kill in the middle of the street at broad daylight!"

"I didn't kill anyone!" Ben boomed over her outburst.

Y/N ignored it and kept talking. "You are all so self-assured, you feel like gods and think you are invulnerable. But I'm not falling for that! SO, why would I drink something with you? You didn't even care to ask for my name!"

"Y/N!"

Carolines voice called out for her and before she could respond, her friend was at her side, Mr. Sausage right behind her. Y/N wasn't sure if she was happy or sad about it.

"I was looking for you everywhere!"

"I didn't move in the last hour..." Y/N answered, but Caroline didn't seem to hear it. Ben on the other hand did.

"But I see you already have company. That's good. MIke and I thought it would be fun to have some shots together. C'mon! And your handsome stranger can join us if he wants."

"No, he does not..." Y/N stared hateful at the tall man, but he just grinned and flexed his hands infront of her.

"I would love to join. Or else I need to find somethings else to do."

There was no need for him to explain what that might be. The unspoken threat in his eyes was all it took for Y/N to swallow hard and keep her mouth shut. And within seconds Ben knew he had won.

"Well, that's something we definitely cannot let happen. Right, Y/N?" Car winked at her friend and gave Mr. Sausage a quick kiss on the cheek.

"Let's go." chimed Ben in and laid his arm around Y/N shoulders, but the grip his hand had on her upper arm was just hard enough for her to know that there was no escaping this.

"Why are you doing this?" Y/N whispered to Ben.

"Because it's fun, doll." And one look at his face showed Y/N just how much fun he had.

A moment later all four of them were standing at the bar, Ben's arm still securly around Y/N's shoulders. She should've been threatened by it, but in a weird way Y/N felt safe for the first time this evening. Maybe he influenced her mind in some way. After all nobody could really tell what all his powers contained.

"Okay...." Caroline announced and handed out for small glasses. "...now we let this party really getting started.

Four beers and many many shots later Y/N felt herself pressed against the door from the inside of an actually closed bedroom upstairs. Ben was keeping her level with his body whilst his hand roamed her curves and he sucked at the skin on her neck.

She had no idea how or when it happend, but at some point they started to have a really good time. The supe told entertaining storys and made all of them laugh. The alcohol did probably the rest and now here they were. Pressing against eachother and moaning into the other's ear.

"I can't believe this is really happennig." she panthed as she closed her legs around his waist.

"You should believe it, doll. I'm gonna make you feel so good."

His rough voice dripped with pleasure and Y/N's body started to shiver. Oh, she had no doubt about that. With her hands carding through his hair she tried to pull him impossibly closer. But when she heard fabric ripping, Y/N started to protest.

"No, Ben! Don't rip it! I need to wear it again in the morning."

"Don't worry, Y/N. I'll peel you out of it, bit by bit."

And that he did. It took a little time but eventually he had her infront of him, just in her underwear. Ben let go of her and walked back until his legs hit the mattress. He sat himself down and checked her out, from head to toe. That's when Y/N's mind cleared a little and she started to get nervous. In the jumpsuit her body was fitted snuckly but now, without the support of the fabric, she was reminded of her imperfect body and looked to the floor.

A zipper being opened pulled her eyes back to the man who was sitting on the bed. His stare was lustblown and he had freed his dick to pleasure himself as he watched her. With this sight her core started to clench around nothing.

"C'mere" Ben rasped and Y/N smiled at him.

"Only if it's fair." With a now leisure smile she pointed at herself and than at him.

Ben didn't respond. He only got up and within seconds his suit was laying on the floor. Y/N mouth gaped a little after he was standing before her in his naked glory. Hard muscles, a toned body and a cock that made her mouth water. Y/N knew it was wrong, so wrong, but in this moment she did not care. Ben was palming himself again as he beckoned her over to him and now she followed his order.

With a fast move Y/N found herself on the bed and Ben didn't waist any time to hover over her. His mouth searched hers again with a searing kiss that was raw, intense and just tongue and teeth. They both found their rhythm very fast and Ben explored every inch of Y/N's body. Her head started to swim with all these new sensations and when the supe found her mouth again, she could feel his dick pressing to her core.

"Hurry up!" she moaned and closed her legs around his waist again.

"So eager." Ben chuckled and dragged his cock through her wet folds. "All you women just learned how do open a bottle by yourself and now you're thinking you can order us men around."

"I'm just gonna ignore what you just said."

And with these last words thrusted Ben forward and buried himself in her soft heat. A deep moan escaped Y/N and she felt the slight burn. It was a tight fit and Ben gave her a moment to relax. His hand found her clit and he began to rub slow circles. They kissed again and when Y/N's first orgasm hit, she couldn't keep quiet. Ben observed her and he liked the way she came undone.

When Y/N slowly came down from her high Ben started to move. Slowly at first, but he picked up his speed shortly after. Her hands found his asscheeks and she knead them. She felt so incredibly full and her moans became louder again. The pressure inside of Y/N came back and Ben could sense it. He pushed his hands underneath her hips and lifted her a little.

"Oh god... you're so deep!" she gasped and her arms found their way around his neck.

In this new position it didn't take long for both to climp over the edge. Y/N fell first, even harder and more intense than before. Ben followed just a few seconds later and helt himself still balls deep insight her and spilled his seed to every last drop. The bliss that followed afterwards made her sigh in content. Y/N felt exhausted in a good way. Ben let himself fall beside her.

"I told you I'd make you feel good." he chuckled.

"Yeah, well... whatever." Y/N answered. "With all the alcohol we drank I probably won't remember anything in the morning."

A/N: Aaand, done. 🤭 What do we think? I actually feel this has potential for a miniseries. With some glimpses into Ben's mind, maybe? I mean, they could be an explosive mixture. 🤔

You can check it out here.

@lyarr24

#soldier boy #the boys amazon #fanfiction #jensen ackles #halloween

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lorynna · 9 months ago

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Andrew Tate, a huge hypocrite, is the perfect example of: create the disease, sell the cure." Now, let me explain.

Tate starts off with his webcam business. He openly admits on camera - filming and releasing the footage himself -, that not only is he purposefully manipulating girls, making them fall in love with him (he himself calls it and actively uses the term "lover boy method" as a descriptor) but then also convincing them to work for him as cam-girls, telling those women that they could get rich together if she would simply start instrumentalizing her body and sexuality. He continues to explain in great detail how exactly he emotionally abused those women, lied to them and used several manipulation tactics on them. But I'd rather not mention all that here, since that would open up a whole new conversation and take too long to fully dive into this.

He also admitted on camera that he robbed them of about half of the money those women made "working for him" and then states and I quote: They thought they were on 50% and I said that the despair of the money was because of taxes."

He continues to talk about men "falling in love" with the women he recruited for his Webcam business which were selling their houses, spending all of their life savings etc. in order to pay for the cam-girl services and he commented on those men's actions saying," give me all of it" admitting he didn't at all care for the lives or fates of those men. Tate built his whole empire on being a pimp, which he defines as and i quote again" being a positive, inspirational, motivating person", exploiting and extracting money from lonely, depressed, porn-addicted men.

Now something might start to click. But isn't he a known advocate for those exact men? Telling them that porn consumption is bad, to get their health and depression in check, recommending going to the gym and preaching about how much he hates prostitutes?

He's an advocate for men's suffering and problems? After he caused so much damage to them, making money off of them, taking advantage of them and furthered their misery? The irony.

First he scammed those men, taking their money with good conscience, now he is an advocate for them, making them hate the kind of women he himself manipulated into this, talking about how bad porn is, when he literally owned a webcam business. And don't dare to come at me with "but people change, maybe he learnt from his mistakes".

For now I just recounted why he's a huge hypocrite but now let's focus on why he is a huge mysognist. He has said many things I don't even want to recount, including but ofc not limited to him demonstrating how he'd hit a women in the face that would "misbehave" and not "listen to him" and I have also unfortunately personally seen the video footage that is going around of him beating up a woman with a belt.

One example out of his many many statements so I can further lead on with this text: He further talks about his webcam business, saying "the only girls i couldn't recruit, were girls who had rich parents. Because they're like: Oh, but I don't need that money, my parents are rich! Girls are gonna get their Luis Vuitton bag either way." Implying how all women are superficial and only rich parents prevent a girl from being a "hoe". He got his fame and money from the same women he continues to publicly shame now.

He damaged women and men at the same time, yet there's still people, mostly men, defending him saying "yeah, but he also sometimes tells things that are true!". I appreciate your intention to differentiate and trying to filter through the many bullshit things he's said just so you can cling on to a single true statement.

Even the worst person sometimes has valid points, but that doesn't mean that we can just overlook the things he did in the past and the overall harm he has caused and is STILL causing.

Aside from all of this stuff, Tate continued to deny many of his statements he himself posted online before, showing massive double standards. It seems like he just tries to profit off what's giving him the largest, most uncritical fan base and by targeting incels who love to follow and hear an "alpha male" talk about how "all women are bitches", fueling their anger due to being rejected by women, he seems to have found a goldmine.

He promotes harmful, misogynistic views on women, promoting toxic behavior towards them and is imprinting on the minds of young, impressionable, vulnerable men.

If after knowing all this, you're still a defender of Tate, you might be just as bad as Tate himself.

#feminism #internalised mysogyny #radical feminists do interact #radblr #radical feminism #radical feminist community #radical feminists do touch #andrew tate

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storiesbyjes2g · 9 months ago

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3.102 Negotiations

I thought about the whole money tree argument all night, and while I understood Sophia's concerns, it still didn't sit well with me. Dub's words from his note echoed in my head. "Financial freedom to pursue your dreams," he said. I knew she preferred to live a simple life, but didn't she have bigger dreams than just being married to me and raising our children? I heard the TV on, so I got up to address the topic again. My goal wasn't to change her mind—though I hoped she would—but to present my case coherently. I was blinded by the simoleons I didn't even have yet and failed to put a counteroffer on the table. If she could hear my thoughts, maybe she could see it in a different light.

"Good morning," I said.

"Have you ever seen this show? It's so fun!"

"Uhh...no. Can we talk?"

"Of course," she said, turning off the TV. "What's on your mind so early?"

"I want to revisit the money tree situation."

"Okay. Sure."

"You presented your reasons for limiting its use, but I don't think I did a good job explaining why I think we shouldn't, and I'd like you to hear what I think."

"Okay," she said slowly. "So, what's up?"

"You said it would be an insult to return the gift, but I think it would be an insult to ignore Dub's wishes."

Her eyebrow went up a little bit, but she was still tracking with me, so I went on.

"I understand your hesitation, but we don't have to let the money change anything about us. We can be ourselves, but with peace of mind and more opportunities. I think maybe your childhood is influencing how you're seeing this, but so is mine. I'm gonna tell you a different part of my story so you can see where I'm coming from."

"Sure."

"Okay..."

I took a deep breath and hoped my story would work some magic.

"You've been around my parents enough to know my mom is the one with the money."

"Yeah. That's obvious."

"Right. She spoiled us...she still does, heh. But we weren't spoiled brats. We had everything we needed, and a few things we wanted, but we didn't live extravagantly. We went to public school, wore regular clothes, and lived in a middle class neighborhood. For a long time, my mom had an office job. And even now, she still works her candle business. We weren't rich by any means. We were comfortable. I know this because when we went to my dad's house, it was not comfortable. He came home tired every day and didn't have the energy to spend time with us. He never took us anywhere, and there was nothing to do at his house-"

"But that's not what-"

"Wait. Let me finish. I haven't made my point yet."

"Okay. Sorry."

"My grandparents bought my mom a little house and gave her a chunk of money when she moved out so she could have peace of mind and time to explore the world and figure out what she wanted to do without the pressure of bills and working a job she hated."

Sophia nodded and smiled, giving me hope that my story already inspired her to change her mind.

"When we moved out, she did the same thing for us…except for the house, of course. It wasn't a ton of money, but I could have gotten a cheap apartment if I wanted to."

"Or a tiny house," she said, gesturing vaguely.

"Ha! Yeah, I could have afforded this. She's still taking care of us. I keep telling her she doesn't need to keep doing things for us, but all she says is when I have a child, I'll understand."

Sophia nodded.

"Yeah...I remember hearing her say that in Tartosa."

"Yeah... I may not have a child yet, but I do want to give it every opportunity I had and then some. I don't want it to worry and feel how we felt at my dad's house."

"I get that. I don't want that either."

"And what you said about your parents. They were older when they adopted you because it took forever to save the money. If we want to send off our children with a little something, we have to start saving now. We can't wait until a week before they're gone to start harvesting the tree. Maybe we don't take from it every day. Maybe just once or twice a week, or whenever we think about it. But just leaving the tree alone until we need it? That's not gonna give our children the kind of future I want them to have. I want to continue what my grandparents started. I don't think we should waste this opportunity."

She sat there, nodding and staring at me like she didn't realize I was done. But then she turned away, stared at the floor, and sighed.

"Wow... Your family history is filled with so much love and support."

I grabbed her hands, hoping to seal the deal and provide a little comfort.

"Yes. And you're part of that family now. I just want to continue the cycle. That's all. I don't want to start wearing labels and buy a big house in Del Sol. I just want to spend time with my family without consequence."

"I can't argue with that. I'm still not letting you give up on yoga, though."

I laughed. "I didn't expect you would."

"And to be clear," I continued, "I'm not gonna give up. I just don't want to be in a position where I'm still hustling and missing everything going on at home. You'll be here, so I know everything will be fine, but I want to be here too. I want our children to have all the benefits of living in a two-parent house."

"That's beautiful, Luca. I see the whole picture now. I've just decided I'm definitely not to going back to work."

I beamed at her.

"Really?? That's awesome! I love that for you."

"So, what do you think you'll do?"

"I don't know yet. I don't want to give up on teaching just yet, but I'll probably spend more time on SimTube. I have time to figure it out, though. Speaking of the hustle...I gotta go. I love you, Sophia. I love our life, and I can't wait to see how it turns out."

"I love you more!"

#ISBI challenge #sims 4 story #sims 4 gameplay #adolting #adolting gen 3 #luca winston murillo #sophia aguilar

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desertfangs · 1 year ago

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Through the Garden Gate [AO3] Lestat/Daniel - Explicit - 4,459

Not long after Tale of the Body Thief, Lestat and Daniel talk about Lestat's body swap and how Daniel worries his relationship with Armand is falling apart.

I wrote this in kind of a flash of inspiration but I figured I might as well post it now, since I'll be posting a lot of stuff in February for fandom events and don't know when I'll get around to it otherwise.

I really just love Lestat and Daniel having deep conversations and I think Daniel tends to ask the best questions. They are my BROTP with benefits and I know some of y'all love them as much as I do, so I hope you like this!

Brief excerpt:

“Is it true that you swapped bodies with a mortal?” Daniel had been burning to ask about it since Lestat first jumped him in Pirate Alley, and the question tumbled out almost immediately after they sat at the small bar table.

A storm of emotion passed over Lestat’s face. “I did.”

Daniel leaned closer, across the small bar table between them. “What was it like?”

“What do you think? Incredible. Messy. Uncomfortable. Amazing.” Lestat shook his head. “Impossibly strange. But it had been hundreds of years since I’d known mortal urges, mortal discomfort.”

“Sucks, doesn’t it?” Daniel laughed slightly. Mortal discomfort—aches and pains and hangovers and head colds—had been the bane of his existence during his last mortal years. He’d been in his early thirties and yet already his body had changed so much. Sleeping at the wrong angle could ruin him for days.

“Not entirely. There were good things.” Lestat smiled, but it didn’t reach his blue gray eyes, which were trained on his martini glass full of blue curaçao and vodka. “The taste of wine. The sun.”

Daniel reached across the table and touched Lestat’s hand, which was a rich, tan color, like the rest of his skin. “And how did this happen?”

Lestat sighed. “I had a moment of weakness and went into the Gobi desert. It’s not important now.”

Daniel snorted. “Yeah, clearly. Are you okay?”

Lestat waved a hand and then his magnificent, winning smile returned. “How did you hear about my last misadventure anyway? I’m still working on the book.”

Daniel sat back against the booth and tapped his fingers on the table, keenly aware of the pack of cigarettes in his pocket. “Louis wrote a very concerned letter about the whole affair.”

Lestat frowned. “To you?”

Daniel flushed. “To Armand. Sent to Night Island. I stopped by to check on the house and I opened the mail.” He hadn’t thought much of it at the time—he and Armand often treated each other’s things as if they were their own, which was perhaps a bad habit, but it had always worked for them. Once he’d read it, he’d felt a bit like he’d overstepped, and he’d tucked the letter away to give to Armand next time he saw him.

“And where is that impish maker of yours, hm?” Lestat asked. “Where are you two living these days?”

“Barcelona, for now,” Daniel said. “Assuming he’s still there when I get back.”

Lestat smirked. “Trouble in paradise?”

“You could say that.” Daniel thought of Armand’s hardened expression, his cold kiss against Daniel’s cheek as he’d left. The icy atmosphere of the flat they shared. Daniel fiddled with the plastic sword that held an olive and onion in his cocktail, stirring it around the drink. “He’s gotten so damn volatile. The smallest thing sets off these terrible fights. Or worse, he gets quiet and sullen and avoids me. To be honest, I prefer the fighting.”

Armand had barely said a word when he’d left. Daniel had been pushed past all reason and needed a break, so he’d offered to go check on The Night Island, an errand they did from time to time as they traveled around in hopes that some new location might fix all their problems.

In truth, he’d hoped Armand would come with him. Maybe being home again for a few days would rekindle something, give them some perspective. But Armand had simply wished him bon voyage, without so much as a suggestion he didn’t want him to go, and now Daniel was procrastinating going back.

“He and Louis could teach a masterclass in administering the silent treatment,” Lestat said morosely. He stabbed the cherry in his drink with his own plastic sword, a little green one, and then let it drop, blue liquid splashing out of the glass.

Read the Rest on AO3

#lestat de lioncourt #daniel molloy #lestat/daniel #armand/daniel #armand #tale of the body thief #post-totbt #vc fanfic #vc fic #tvc #vc #vampire chronicles #the vampire chronicles #my favorite brotp with benes #it's been a minute since i wrote anything i liked with them and then this just kind of poured out #idk it happens like that sometimes

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wsknbfanaccnt · 4 months ago

Text

AGAIN got inspired by a little headcanon post and this time by @vanilla--shake

if its akashi i swear im motivated to write ANYTHING

this is kinda more comfort at the end btw <3

I also don't feel like proofreading this so ignore anything you see that's shit

anyways hope yall enjoy lmfao

Sleepover!

TW⚠️: verbal abuse

Summary: During a sleepover, Aomine and Midorima witness Masaomi's treatment towards Akashi.

The Generation of Miracles won a game once again, giving no mercy to their opponents. To celebrate and perhaps give them more motivation to practice, Akashi came up with a little reward. A sleepover at his house.

He first made sure that his father was going to be gone for at least three days. This wasn't a struggle since he travelled a lot due to business, and it just so happened that in his schedule he was going to be in America for that next weekend. After all, he would basically have to sneak them in since his father would NEVER allow him to do such a silly thing.

"Gather round, everyone," he announced to the boys the Monday after their victory. The rainbow stood in a circle around him, Akashi admittedly trying to hide his excitement.

"We have won multiple consequetive games thus far. And as a small reward, if all of you are up for it, I'd like to celebrate our victories with a night spent at my house this weekend," Akashi said with a plain smile. The rainbow seemed to be up to it, judging by the muttering of excitement between the five.

"Perfect. A driver will pick you up at your respective houses at around 2pm."

When Akashi got home, he immediately told all the employees at his house at the news. They were all very excited for Akashi, especially that they hadn't seen the boy so enthusiastic about something for so long. All of them of course, vowed not to speak a single word to Akashi Masaomi.

That weekend came quite slowly, Akashi might say. But as the doorbell rang, he was almost running to the door. He took a deep breath and straightened his clothes, opening the door for the five colors of the rainbow in front of him.

"Shiii- your place is nice, Akashi! You never told us you were rich!" Aomine looked around, his eyes locked at the ceiling as they all went in. Akashi didn't comment.

"Come in, welcome and make yourself at home. I will lead you to the rooms where you will stay," he said as they flooded the foyer.

"Akashicchi, this is so cool! Thanks for letting us stay!" Kise said, excited and loud. Aomine was about to touch one of the vases near the entrance when Midorima's voice boomed.

"Don't touch that, Ahomine!" he hissed, the boy immediately withdrawing his hand. Midorima, who had been in Akashi's house many times due to the business relations of their father, already went forward to where the rooms were.

"Aka-chin, do you have snacks?"

"Yes, yes. But that will come later, Murasakibara. Come, you must settle down first, all of you," Akashi said, leading the rainbow into a hall on the 2nd floor.

"These five rooms are all next to each other with a private bathroom and a closet. Everything is provided, all you need to do is press the button by your bed and one of the staff will bring it to you."

And so all of them chose their bedrooms, Akashi shaking his head at Aomine and Kise, who were bickering about who should get what room.

"Aomine-kun, Kise-kun, all the rooms look the same." Kuroko came up from behind them, the two suddenly shouting in surprise.

"Kurokocchi?!"

"I didn't even notice you in the car!"

"I was there the whole time..."

"How did you know that they were all the same?"

"I checked them one by one while Akashi-kun was talking."

Akashi couldn't help but laugh to himself as the five finally went into their separate bedrooms, taking a deep sigh. He was looking forward to their activities for the afternoon and the night. Soon enough, they popped out of their rooms one by one, Kise being the last because he had to style his hair.

"Shall we?" Akashi said, starting to lead them to the kitchen where they would eat first. But suddenly one of the staff came running towards him looking panicked. She approached Akashi, whispering in his ear.

"Seijuro-sama, I didn't know about it- he just arrived-!"

"What do you mea-"

"Seijuro," a booming voice echoed the halls, and the boy's body went cold.

"Father... I did not know you would be home." Akashi said as nonchalantly as he could. Masaomi looked down at Akashi with a stare, and only his son would realize that it meant he was in deep, deep trouble.

"Yes well, there were complications with the flight. These are your friends, I assume?" he turned his attention to the rainbow behind him with a smile dipped in poisoned honey.

"Yes Father, they're-"

"So I've heard. The Generation of Miracles. Lovely meeting you all. And Midorima-kun, lovely to see you again," he smiled at the rest, while the boys shyly waved. He was intimidating, even for them. Midorima merely bowed, his lips slightly pursed.

"Forgive me, but I have a few matters to attend to. Have fun, and please make yourselves at home." he smiled to the rest, leaving their prescence. It was silent for a beat, but Akashi couldn't hold onto it longer.

"Shall we go eat? The staff has prepared all of your favorites," Akashi turned to them with a genuine looking smile.

"Is there squid ink pasta-?" Murasakibara's eyes lit up, oblivious to the previous heavy air that filled the room.

"Yes, of course there is. Follow me," Akashi said with a soft chuckle.

(timeskip to that night...)

(If anyone wants me to write about the fun things they did that night feel free to request but this particular one-shot is focusing on Akashi)

"Goodnight everyone, I do hope you enjoyed this night. We will be waking you up at 10am for breakfast," Akashi said, a chorus of "goodnights" echoing the hall. As the last person went into their respective rooms Akashi clenched his fists, knowing he had to talk to his father. He had no choice but to, so he took a deep breath to give himself courage, and went over to where his father's office was.

Aomine had his ear pressed against the door, listening as Akashi's footsteps receded and was finally out of earshot. He very quietly opened the door and smirked, looking around as he tiptoed to Kise's room.

"Kise. Oi, Kise!" he whispered through the door, knocking as quietly as he could without being heard by the others. But after a few minutes of disturbing him, Aomine concluded that he was already asleep. So boring.

He decided that he would do this himself. The mischevious little bitch started to roam around the entire house. The halls, the floors, the rooms (that he could open) and everywhere he could go within the building. He visited an entire library, a cinema room, a music room, and many other things that he found entertaining in the middle of the night. At one point he was scared out of his wits as he felt a breeze and some whispering in a particular hall, so he ran away as fast as he could from it. It was only the staff and they had opened a window, but he didn't know that.

He ended up near a door that was rather large and fancy looking, and a sign that says Masaomi Akashi.

"Must be his office..." he whispered to himself. Aomine was about to leave and find his way back to his room when suddenly he heard faint shouting that came from that same office.

"...and you hadn't even told me! What made you think that this was something acceptable, Seijuro? Do you think this is something that an Akashi would do?!" Masaomi's voice was loud enough that he could hear it from the outside.

"No, father."

Aomine froze at the realization. Immediately he pressed his ear against the door, eavesdropping at their conversation. He made sure to hold his breath, just in case they wouldn't hear him from outside.

"Have you even finished your work for this weekend?"

"Yes father, I have."

"Do not tell me lies, child." he hissed, showing the list of things that Seijuro had to do that weekend. He looked at the list wide-eyed; he was sure that he completed everything he had to do in advance so that he would have the weekend free.

"What?! But I have finished everything!" Akashi panicked, reading the tasks one by one. But of course, Masaomi had just added new things to his list to punish his son even more.

"Read with your eyes, boy. You clearly are not finished. You will not sleep until you complete every single task I have delegated to you, do you understand?!"

"...Yes father," Akashi held his head low.

"And I want everyone out first thing in the morning, or you will go with them."

"Yes father-"

"You are a constant source of embarrassment to this family. Do you realize that, Seijuro? Tsk... it baffles me how someone of my blood could turn out to be so utterly incompetent." he hissed, pacing around his office. Seijuro took it all, being used to these words from his father. That didn't mean it didn't hurt.

"You will never, not in your entire life amount to anything of significance. I expected more from a child of mine, a child of your mother's. But clearly I was mistaken. She would be disappointed if she were still here."

No insults cut deeper than when it was forcibly wielded by his mother.

"I'm sorry, Father." Akashi said, his voice barely above a whisper.

"This motherfucker..." Aomine was furious, clenching his fists. He was his friend, and it made his blood boil that his father would say those things to his own son. He wanted to curse Masaomi out with his fists, and at this point he didn't care anymore. He reached out to the doorknob when he felt a hand on his shoulder.

"You'll only make it worse, nodayo." Midorima whispered from behind him, which snapped Aomine out of his rage.

"What the fuck- why are you here?!" Aomine hissed, the two stepping away from the room so they wouldn't be heard.

"I um... I n-needed to find the bathroom, nanodayo..." Midorima adjusted his glasses, looking away. He was out here to look after Akashi, knowing that he would be in trouble. Aomine just shook his head at him, looking over at the office door.

"Then... what are we supposed to do?? We can't just let him do that...!"

"Unfortunately we can't do anything, nodayo..." he whispered, looking around. Aomine clicked his tongue, clearly pissed off about the entire situation.

"Come on, let's just go to bed. It will be worse when we get caught, nanodayo..." he whispered, and Aomine sighed as he nodded.

"Fine..." he muttered, the two tiptoeing on the way to their rooms.

"Back there... you sounded like you knew about this, Midorima." Aomine looked at him as they walked.

"...Somewhat. My father and Akashi's father had been business partners for a while now, so I know a thing or two about it, nanodayo."

"So you're rich too?"

"That's not the point nanodayo!" Midorima hissed, and Aomine laughed quietly.

"Aomine? Midorima? What are you two doing still awake?" Akashi suddenly showed up and walked over to them, the two freezing in their place.

"Uh oh-"

"Shit- uh... we were trying to find the bathroom!" Aomine blurted out, using Midorima's excuse. The green-haired teen gave him an annoyed look.

"Right... each room has a private bathroom." Akashi said, furrowing his eyebrows in suspicion. The two stayed silent, Akashi laughing softly.

"Feel free to explore if you like. Just make sure you have someone with you," he said with a smile. Aomine and Midorima looked at each other, wondering how Akashi could manage to put on a mask after all that verbal abuse.

"How about you?" Aomine asked suddenly, not really knowing where he was going with this statement.

"Ah, I... need to do a few more things. You two can go ahead,"

"Actually, we can't really sleep. Mind if we go with you?" Aomine said, glancing at Midorima. Perhaps what Akashi needed was just someone by his side.

"You may if you like... however you will find it rather boring I'm sure," he warned them, leading them to his room anyways.

"I don't mind, nodayo," Midorima said, pushing his glasses up and looking away.

"Well... if you insist." he shrugged, opening the door to his room and letting them in. His room was what Aomine had expected it to be; neat, tidy, and big. Immediately he rummaged through Akashi's shelf.

"Are you actually a man, Akashi? You don't have a single porn mag, here,"

"Do not regard me as a consumer of such vulgar content." Akashi hissed, sitting at his desk. Aomine let out a laugh, and Midorima just shook his head sitting on one of the chairs. The redhead couldn't help but chuckle to himself, turning around to focus on his work.

"Do not hesitate to tell me if you need anything," he said, shifting his concentration to the tasks in front of him. He smiled to himself, hearing Aomine and Midorima bicker and talk to each other in the background. He was happy that the two were there with him.

He closed his laptop, taking a deep sigh. He glanced outside, the sky still completely black. Akashi stretched a bit, turning around to see Aomine passed out on the floor, and Midorima passed out on the chair that he was in. He chuckled softly, getting some extra blankets and placing them on top of the two gently, not wanting to disturb his slumber.

It was worth it. He thought, remembering the events earlier where he was being screamed at by his father as he snuggled under his own covers on his bed.

I was able to spend time with them.. that's all that matters.

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akiranzee · 1 year ago

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🌠 • ° ` — “WISHING FOR YOU”

-> PAIRINGS: Alhaitham x gn!Y/n -> SUMMARY: Alhaitham and Y/n L/n, from 2 different universes, suddenly encounter by a miracle. -> WORD COUNT: 2.2k+ -> CONTAINS: fluff, cliffhanger at end (imsry), swearing, KINDA CONFUSING PLOT?? (idk) & alhaitham is 25 while reader is 22. -> A/N: KINDA INSPIRED BY “Your Name”?? IDK I HAVEN’T RLLY FINISHED WATCHING IT LOL. C/n is “cat’s name” :)).

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-------------Complete!-----------

“Ok I give up. How come all of you has him when I don't have him.” You gave your friends a deadpanned look, setting your tablet down.

“It’s called luck darling.” One of your friends replied, sending you a playful wink.

“Well my luck is seriously dead. Anyway, I’m going home. I need to feed my cat.” You said, getting your shoulder bag and leaving your friend’s house.

“Aw, I thought you were gonna stay.. Anyway, say hi to C/n for me!” One of your friends yelled back, waving at you, and you also did, but your back was faced to them.

~~~~~

Reaching your home after a few more steps, your cat greeted you happily.

“Aw, you’re a cute little thing, aren’t you, C/n?” You petted them and led them inside the house, “come, let's get you food, hmm?”

After giving your cat their food, you hummed as you cooked your own dinner. You tasted the curry you were cooking, and it tastes delicious. You were delighted by the result as this was the first time you’re cooking curry.

You took a plate and served the curry on the table, but as you did, suddenly, the lights went out. The only thing visible to you now was the scorching, running light outside.

You peeked through your window, and saw a meteor shower outside, as your cat followed you.

You’ve heard that wishing on a meteor shower will make your wish come true.

You don’t believe it, but you instead find it quite childish. But trying it out right now doesn’t sound bad, does it? Especially when you’ll lose nothing if you try.

You closed your eyes and wished.

And as you opened your eyes, the meteor shower has ended and the lights went back on.

It was peculiar, but your stomach was demanding for food, so you never really gave it any thought.

~~~~~

But as the next day started, you went inside the library you’re working at, and all your fellow librarians were whispering and gushing on about something, or someone.

You walked over to them and asked, “hey, what’s up you guys?”

“Eee! Y/n, you’re here! See that man with gray hair and green eyes? He’s so handsome!” Your close co-worker squealed as she pointed at him, which you followed, revealing a gorgeous man reading a book.

Just like the meteor shower last night, you were mesmerized by the sight in front of you. And you feel like the emptiness of your whole world was suddenly filled just by staring at him.

But soon, it was cut off as the woman’s hand appeared in your sight, forcing you to stop staring and come back to earth.

“Ah… sorry. Let’s get to work, guys.” You changed the subject and immediately went to your post, serving as the cashier.

Apparently, the library you’re working at has millions and millions of books, that nobody dared count it. It had all the books people would want; romance, novel, documentaries, horror, adult, and more.

But only rich people would dare buy a book from here, considering the prices of each book being $5,000+.

That’s why you were shocked when the gray-haired man literally carried 10 books and put them in front of you, handing you his credit card.

“Umm… Are you sure you’re gonna buy all of this?” You asked him once again to make him rethink his decision. But fortunately, he bought it all.

“Yes. They sound very interesting. They deserve to be added to my collection.” He said bluntly, and whispered a thanks as you handed him the box full of books he just bought.

And to put it short, he does kind of remind you of someone.

Remember that guy from Sumeru who really loves reading books? Yeah, him — Alhaitham.

Even him and the guy looks alike. Mentioning the hair and eyes, the skin tone, the height, and his voice.

He really does look like Alhaitham.

You gasp softly at the sudden thought; that what if your wishes came true, but the only difference is that you didn’t get him in game, but in real life…?

For the whole duration of your working hours, your brainstorming of theories about this and thats has officially driven you crazy, just looking at one spot for 10 minutes, and then looking somewhere else for 10 minutes again.

Even your fellow librarians were getting scared about your peculiar acting that they’re starting to think you’re being possessed or something.

But at the end of the day, you knew you had to snap out of it and come back to earth once again; and head home.

Reaching your home, your cat greeted you once again, and everyday life went on and on as it usually does.

But the unusual part of it is; you and the man that looks like Alhaitham keeps crossing paths — as if fate desperately wants the two of you for each other.

But you only took it as mere coincidences, but as the saying goes; One means nothing, two means coincidence, and three means something. Which the encounter of the both of you have literally been 5+ times, and that is not considered as a coincidence anymore.

And you swore to yourself; one more encounter, you were gonna lock yourself up inside your house.

And so you did. A fellow co-worker you’re close with came and visited you as they didn’t take your “I’m sick” excuse, banging on your door as if it was gonna break any second now.

“Urgh. Okay, okay, coming!” You rushed to your door, hoping to save it from the hellish knocks it was suffering.

“Oh my god, took you forever!” The shorter lady then tiptoed and placed the back of her palm on your forehead and said, “see? Sick my ass! You look perfectly fine!” And she practically dragged you out of your apartment, but finally convinced her to let you change into something nice.

By the time you entered the library, the man that looked like Alhaitham was there, and the both of you made eye contact which made you quite embarrassed when he looked away and towards his book.

So you did the same; walking away and going to your post in the cashier.

Normally, it would be a boring day, but today, the library offered a 50% discount to the top hit sales today; mangas. So to cut it short, a lot of people bought mangas and yes, unusual and surprising, but the library was full of people that the staffs were also confused where to go or what to do.

You sighed as you finally sat down, you definitely couldn’t wait to get your well deserved meal and bath, along with a goodnight’s sleep later.

As you began to close your eyes, you felt the sleep coming to you.

“Shouldn’t you be doing your job instead of dozing off?” A voice asked, and that instantly made you jolt awake.

“Huh? What?” You looked around as if looking for something, only to see the owner of the voice; the man that looks like Alhaitham.

“I’ve been looking for this book”, he says as he swipes through his phone and shows the picture to you, “do you happen to see it or have some stock left?” He questioned, and you slowly stood up, taking a closer look at the picture.

“Oh, yeah, we have that on stock. But are you sure? It's for $10,000.” You said as you rubbed your eyes, as the man took his phone away from you and put it back into his pocket.

“I remember buying 10 books that costs $50,000+. Surely, $10,000 on 1 book doesn’t sound impossible now, does it?” His choice of words and the way he says it really sounds like the Alhaitham from the game you’re playing.

You stayed silent and bowed, then went inside the storage room to look for that book, not knowing what else to reply to his sarcasm.

After a few minutes, you came back with the book in hand, and then the man paid for it.

Before you allowed him to leave, you knew you had to ask him one question; “What’s your name?”

“Al Haitham” Your eyes widened at that. Not only does he look and act like him, but they also have the same name too? This is not a coincidence anymore, is it?

“Why?” He asked, raising one of his eyebrows.

“Um… nothing, it's just that you remind me of a game character.” You scratched the side of your face, looking down, feeling embarrassed and you don’t know why.

“Who?” He asked again, this time, he was more curious than the last question.

“Um.. here, let me show you.” You opened your phone and showed him a picture of Alhaitham, the game character.

He showed a look of surprise, but quickly changed back to his usual stoic face.

“Huh… is his name also Al Haitham?” He asked, leaning in the counter, seemingly interested as to why he was there.

You said a simple “yeah”, and Al Haitham simply shaked his head and replied, “the creator of the game must’ve known me” which you took it as; “the creator of the game must’ve found me hot enough to put me in game” which you could just strongly agree.

And with that, by whatever miracle is out there, the both of you surprisingly got along. And you also got to know that his first name is Al, and his last name is Haitham.

You guys usually hang out at a cafe or at a park, with you and him usually playing Genshin Impact.

After knowing that he was a character in game, his curiosity peeked in and tried it out.

And when he did try to pull for Alhaitham, it didn’t even take 69 tries for him to get him, unlike you.

And you found that very unfair. Because — Al is new to the game but gets Alhaitham for like only 3-5 tries. While you, this might be the 100th try or more, but you still can’t get him.

You sighed in defeat as you were still unlucky. Al only chuckled and continue playing the game. He didn’t try to comfort you, but his chuckle did, which made your heart race because of it.

Oh dear, not only were you a simp for Alhaitham, but you were also falling for Al.

I mean, it’s what they say, right? If you can’t get the fictional character, then go for the cosplayer — which in your case, Al’s just like the real human version of Alhaitham.

But no, you didn’t try that out. You were happy with the way things were right now, happy with you and Al being close friends. Sure, you wanted to be more than that, but being Al’s friend was more than enough than to be a stranger to him.

Little by little, you fell in love with him. And it was hard to make it not-so-obvious, as every single moment you guys spend together, you find out more new things about him. And that just makes you fall for him more and more.

Until one evening, Al told you there would be a meteor shower, and his house had the best view. So you went to his house and waited.

Just like what happened when the meteor shower has arrived, the lights went out, and a series of meteor came rushing in and pass through the both of you.

It was a magnificent sight, and the both of you came rushing out of his balcony, dazed by the beauty the meteor shower held.

You remembered that wishing in a meteor shower will make your wishes come true. And so you did again, wished for a miracle.

~~~~~

BEEP! BEEP! BEEP!

You groaned, seemingly awakened by your noisy alarm clock, and suddenly stood up.

Suddenly standing up made your head ache and dizzy though, slowly walking down to the bathroom to wash your face.

You looked at the calendar; May 02, 2019. Ugh, Tuesday. You were hoping for a weekend, but I guess that miracle ain’t gonna happen.

Getting ready for work, you took a bath, brushed your teeth, changed into your work clothes, then finally, packing your bags and wearing your shoes.

You didn’t bother for breakfast, it was your co-worker’s birthday today anyway. Surely, they’d prepare and treat the whole library to food, right?

As you walked out the door, and walked down the street, you suddenly bumped into a stranger, with a grunt coming out from the both of you.

Miracles do happen, but the God sometimes just doesn’t allow that. But on that night, when the both of you wished, you both wished for a miracle to happen.

You wished to stay together, and for Al to like you back. You didn’t see it, but Al also wished. Knowing what would happen to him after that night, he wished for the greatest miracle. It was to stay forever by your side, to stay here forever.

“Ugh- sorry, I wasn’t looking-” As you turned around, you saw a handsome man with gray hair, and green eyes.

Without knowing, the both of you speaked together, as if in sync,

“What’s… your name?”

#📂 — ` akira’s works!#alhaitham #al haitham #genshin impact #genshin alhaitham #genshin impact alhaitham #alhaitham x reader #alhaitham x you #alhaitham x y/n #alhaitham fluff

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zrisewrites · 1 month ago

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A Gingerly Step - An Anala Backstory Drabble

Summary: While Mrs. Secliff is preparing for a gingerbread house creating party, little Anala is preparing her own surprise.

Inspired by the @daddecember and @fluff-cember events!

Word Count: 900

Content Warnings: Light romance between a married couple, mentions of alcohol.

It happened so quickly.

I was bustling around the kitchen, setting out candy canes, plates stacked with sheets of gingerbread, piping bags packed with white and red frosting. It was the first year I’d ever hosting the Annual Gingerbread House Party, and naturally it had to be the best one yet.

“Did you ever find the chocolate pearls, dear?” I call to my husband, as I tuck a bowl of m’n’m’s next to the candy canes. Were those too close together? Or would they be better by the sprinkles?

“What?” He calls back. Somewhere upstairs, judging by the faintness of his voice. Prepping to get out of the house before the gaggle of mothers and children arrived, no doubt.

“The chocolate pearls!” I call, grabbing the final pan of little gingerbread men from the oven, and setting it on the drying rack. Those would need to be piped, but that could be done after the children got here. If we weren’t too pre-occupied.

“What?”

Defintelly needed to get the Cabernet.

Anala cooed up at me from the ground as I swished past her towards the wine cabinet. She’d gotten so big, with her father’s rich brown eyes and shining gold curls, like me. And just this week, she’s taken to standing up against every chair and cabinet she can reach. The doctor said it’d only be another month or two for her to start walking. I can hardly imagine��that—the power movement would give her. She caused plenty of chaos from her crib alone. “Hold on a moment, ma fleur.” I call to her, smiling as I pull a bottle of Cabernet from the cabinet. “Your friends are almost here.”

She cooes again, then lets out a happy babble of noises. I coo back at her, tapping her nose as I walk over, then setting the wine in an ice bath.

I turn to survey the table, exhaling and setting my hands on my hips.

A rich brown tablecloth covered the oakwood table. Dozens of little white bowls dotted the table, filled with candies and chocolates, sugared fruits and salted nuts. Two dozen piping bags, filled to the brim, sat in the middle of the table, well away from tiny, curious hands. And the crowning jewel of the setting— a plate stacked high with crisp gingerbread, ready to be molded into child masterpieces.

“What were you saying, dear?” My husband jogs down the stairs, dressed in a smart black suit and a matching tie.

I shake my head, shooting him a smile as I pull off my apron. “The chocolate pearls?”

He freezes, a guilty expression flitting across his eyes. “I knew I was forgetting something. I’m sorry. I can grab some and drop them off, if you’d like.”

I laugh, sweeping towards him. “That’s alright, we have plenty of sugar anyways. It won’t make that much of a difference.” I stop in front of him, raising an eyebrow as I rest my hands on his shoulders. “Now were are you going, dressed so finely?”

He smiled, resting his hands on my hips as he presses a quick kiss to my cheek. “Just to the office, Jerrold still has a whole host of documents he needs finalized before the holidays, and I’m about fed up with it. We might be looking to get a new manager come January.”

“Aw. You won’t come build candy houses with your wife and your daughter?” I fake a pout, tilting my head at him. He laughs, squeezing my waist, then letting go.

“No way, the party two years ago was enough chaos to last me a lifetime. You two have fun, though.”

I smile, pulling him close and kissing his cheek. “Alright. Don’t be too long, I’ll start to miss you.”

He laughs again, his eyes sparkling with amusement, before he turns to our daughter, crouching down and holding his arms out to her. “I’ll see you soon, ma fleur—don’t you wanna come give me a hug?”

She lets out an excited babble, bouncing and reaching a hand towards us. I smile, stepping over to her. “Come on now, dear, the doctor said it’s still be weeks.”

My husband waves a hand for me to stop. “She’s smart, and strong. She’s got your fire. Let’s just see.”

I shake my head, but pause, crouching down as well as I watch her. Her eyes sparkle, as she coos again, one tiny hand pressed against the seat of the chair.

Her father steps closer, a easy smile on his face. “Come on, Anala… I know you’ve got it.”

She cooes again, woobling.

And then she lets go of the chair.

I gasp softly, my hand flying to my mouth.

She giggles, as if she can sense the excitement in the air. Just standing for a moment,

Before she teeters forward with one tiny foot, one, two steps—

“There we go! My girl!” My husband cheers, as he sweeps forward, catching her before she tumbles over. I laugh, crouching down next to him. He kisses her forehead, grinning up at her. “How’s that for doctor’s orders?”

I shake my head, grinning and tapping Anala’s nose. “So rebellious.” I hum, smiling. “Don’t you let go of that, either.”

She giggles again, clinging to her father’s arm, eyes bright as she babbles up at us. Her father grins, sweeping another kiss against her forehead. “My girl.” He whispers.

#writing #ocs #writeblr #writing community #short stories #anala armanti #daddecember2024 #DadDec no. 6 #fluffcember 2024 #fluff #fluffcember prompt 6 #alcohol cw

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bluestar22x · 1 year ago

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Mr. Henley

The Rockford Files - Mr. Henley

Summary: A rich man is murdered and you and Tim must figure out which of his family members poisoned him.

Pairing: Tim Rockford x F!Reader (both in their mid/late 40s)

Rating: 18+ Series

Word Count: 13,800 (ish)

Warnings: Smut (w/no protection), violence, a very angry ghost, inaccurate detective work, medical examiner gore, fictionally speedy DNA results, and a mention of euthanizing a pet (cat).

Author's Note: This part was a long time coming - I almost didn't finish it in October. Ack! But it was worth it. I think I'm happy with the results. This has some inspiration from the Merge Mansion ads. I'm not sorry. Also, it seems 2nd parts are for smut in my little writing world. I have a pattern. ha

xxx

October 10, 1996 (Thursday)

You felt like you were being driven straight into a horror movie setting. An early morning fog encroaching on the long, deserted winding road that led to a Victorian styled gate with golden decals. Tim stopped his car at the front and you noted the number twenty-six that was painted onto one of the stone walls the gate was attached to. You were at the right address. You just weren't sure that you wanted to be.

Tim slid out of the driver's side, leaving his door open as he approached the gate with the key he'd been handed earlier by Chief Bronson, opening it up and letting the gate swing widely inward on its own.

When he climbed back into the car you began tapping your fingers on your knees, unsure of what you’d soon be walking into.

It didn't take long for the sparsely colorful forest surrounding the driveway to clear into a neatly maintained lawn lined with pink rosebushes, spread out before a massive white mansion that looked as old as the gate, although they likely hadn't been built earlier than a half a century ago.

Rich people, you thought to yourself, rolling your eyes at the obvious choice the owners had made to flaunt their money. Nobody in American history who had owned such a home had ever actually needed over thirty rooms to themselves. Most people who'd had twenty plus children couldn't afford a mansion.

"We have an hour before we have to be back at the department to question the family," Tim reminded you after parking the car, as if you needed to be.

You just nodded at him. A year ago you would've rolled your eyes, thinking he was being impatient, trying to rush you, but you'd learned with time he just worried about being late. He was a reliable person. If he could help it, he was always on time. You couldn't say the same, and you'd butted heads with him more than once over it, but eventually you'd both decided it wasn't worth it.

He fixed the position of the dark rimmed glasses that rested over the bridge of his nose (a recent addition to his attire, much to his dismay) and followed you as you strolled up the marble steps leading to the heavy looking white front door. After he used another key to unlock it you shoved the door open and stepped inside.

You didn't know enough about mansions and fancy furniture, but you knew enough to know that everything inside was mind boggling expensive. The trims were definitely made from real gold. The living room was the size of your whole apartment.

And everything was spotless - except for the dining room you headed straight for like a woman on a mission. Even though it was just you and Tim in the house, at the moment, you didn't want to give the mansion's owner the satisfaction of you having gawked at the place.

The only sign something had gone wrong in the dining room was the yellow tape and the bowl of cereal that was still, disgustingly, out on the glass table, half full of soaked flakes and rotting milk. The stench made you block your nose.

At least the body had already been picked up by Joe while the rest of the Forensics team had scoured the mansion. And the man had been found fairly quickly after his death, so the room didn't also smell like rotting flesh. You always tried to look at the bright side of things.

"I see Elliot Henley was a Frosted Flakes kind of guy," you observed humorously. "It's kind of comforting that corn flakes could potentially unite the rich and poor."

Tim snorted quietly at that, amusement sparking in his normally serious eyes. You beamed back at him. You'd taken a liking to trying to make him laugh with you rather than at your expense, like it had been at first. You were getting better at it.

"You getting any vibes, Psy?"

Where once that nickname had been at your expense, it had long since turned friendly, and in turn, you'd grown fond of it. Only from him though.

"Nothing yet," you replied with a sigh, "I'm not even creeped out by the knowledge that a dead man was sitting at this table at eight o'clock last night, face planted right on the table alongside this very bowl."

Tim arched his eyebrows, surprised. "That once bothered you?"

"It still bothers me often enough," you admitted. "I got this job because of my gift, not because of my tolerance for being around dead bodies. You?"

He shrugged. "It got better with time. It's rare a case really shakes me up."

You know exactly what kind of case shakes him up after Annie. Anything with kids. For most people in your field of work, that was the line, but it was especially true for him.

You hadn't asked Tim about his sister. You didn't need to. Helen had given you more than enough information and it wasn't your business. He was your partner, a friend, you might even dare say, but your relationship was very professional and that meant you didn't get to be nosy.

"I'm going to take a walk through the whole place, alone," you decided, "Just in case he's shy. But it's quite possible Elliot's already moved on. Even if our suspicions turn out right, that he didn't just die of a stroke or heart attack, that doesn't mean he'd linger. You know how it goes."

Tim gave you a quick nod. After working over two dozen cases with you he did know enough of how things worked, or at least how you believed things worked, since you'd yet to convince him your mind wasn't conjuring up these spirits.

Stubborn man.

He left to stand by the main entrance while you wandered room to room, trying to keep your mind focused solely on your surroundings, without paying too much attention to how absurdly "classy" everything was.

You walked the east wing first, finding Elliot's mother's room at the far end. Everything was so white it was near blinding. It felt too clean. Unlived in, except for the hairbrush with silver hair intertwined in the bristles that lay on the desk in the corner of the room next to a big bay window.

You wondered if the room had always been this way or if it had only become so sterile after her husband had died.

You concluded that it probably had always been that way when you searched the west wing and found Elliot's room to be in a similar shape, and the same for his older brother's.

Like many rich kids who hadn't worked a day of their youth away because of their parents' wealth, Elliot and Richard Henley had stuck around after they graduated high school, even into their late thirties.

It was interesting to you that Hazel, their mother, had them stay in a separate wing. For privacy or because she couldn't stand them? Either option was likely. Maybe it was for both reasons.

It took you a half hour to thoroughly check each room and give time for any presence to make themselves known, but none did, and with a long sigh you headed down the hall to return to Tim's side.

He was leaning against the door, arms folded, clearly trying to be patient, but still appearing annoyed. When he spotted you moving towards him he grunted. "Took you long enough."

"There's a lot of rooms," you said defensively.

He dropped his arms to his sides. "Please tell me you at least got something."

You shook your head apologetically and he groaned. "Great. So, this was a bust."

"Mostly, yeah," you agreed. "But I did find out that Hazel sleeps as far away from her sons' rooms as possible."

"They probably partied late into the night," Tim guessed.

It was as good of a guess as yours, but for some reason your intuition was screaming at you that there was something more to it, and in your experience it was wise not to ignore it. You'd definitely have some questions to ask the family when you got back to the police department.

Tim gestured to the door and you both stepped outside together, back onto the porch. As he locked the door again, a gust of wind ripped through the sheltered area and you shivered. It could have been just from the cold weather, but normal wind didn't usually make your skin crawl.

You glanced around warily and Tim noticed. His eyes filled with concern at your discomfort. "You sense something now?"

"That gust didn't feel right," you informed him, wrapping your arms around yourself for warmth and a sense of security. "Too cold for the season." You snuggled your nose into the wool jacket you were wearing.

His eyebrows furrowed at that. "What does that mean to you?"

"If Elliot's spirit caused that sudden gust of wind," you hesitated, not wanting it to be so, "Which I'm almost certain of, he's furious at something. Probably someone. Not necessarily who killed him. I've had several cases where the spirit was upset about something that happened right before they were murdered, since sometimes they aren't aware enough to remember what happened to them." You bit your lip. "Angry spirits aren't discriminatory. They want to lash out, get revenge, and it doesn't matter who's on the other end of their fury, as long as they are affected. Not everyone is, but sensitives like me are."

"You've been hurt by spirits before?" The lines between Tim's brows deepened. You wondered how much of it was from disbelief and how much was from genuine concern, but the fact there was concern at all was nice.

"No, I haven't had a spirit hurt me physically," you answered. "But they're great at causing nightmares and I had one purposely spook me into stumbling backwards. I was at the top of a flight of stairs."

You could've sworn a flicker of fear flashed in his eyes in reaction to what you'd disclosed, but it was gone in the blink of an eye. "Let's get you out of here then."

You didn't need to be told twice.

The first stop you and Rockford made after returning to the department was the Forensics Division to check for updates. You sought out Joe, finding him in the basement examining Elliot's body.

It was your first time seeing Mr. Henley outside the few family photos that had been scattered about in the mansion, and it was unsettling. It wasn't the first time you'd walked in on an autopsy, but it was the first time you'd seen a brain outside a body, in the gloved hands of the medical examiner. Your stomach did a little flip at the sight, and you tried to keep your eyes from directly looking at it and Elliot's open skull after.

"Got anything for us, Joe?" Tim inquired.

The rail thin man continued his study of Elliot's brain while he spoke. "I've got enough. Elliot here had a cardiac event. Some of his heart valves are damaged. But it wasn't natural. And my conclusion has nothing to do with him being thirty-five. Look at this."

Joe placed Elliot's brain back into his head and pointed out some dark pigmentation scattered on his skin and under his nails. "Hyperpigmentation." He pulled out a kidney that was sliced in half. Even for one that belonged to a deceased person it didn't look too healthy. "Renal damage. Any guesses as to what happened to him?"

You frowned as you pondered over it. A lot of things could cause these symptoms. But there were few that would make Joe behave this way. "Poison," you said in unison with Tim. You both glanced at each other. "Jinx," you declared, chuckling. He grunted.

"Arsenic to be exact," Joe told you, theatrically gesturing to his desktop computer in the corner of the room. "The blood results were positive for it. The hair samples are still being studied to figure out when the poisoning began, but by the evidence it seems it has been a long while."

"Arsenic is natural though," Tim pointed out. "He could have ingested too much of it by mistake through drinking water or food."

"Ah." Joe nodded. "Yes. But a very high dose was in the milk sample we took from his bowl this morning. That's not typical of pasteurized, grade A milk. Guessing he wasn't dying fast enough for whoever was adding it to his diet so they threw caution to the wind. Funny enough though, the high dose wasn't in him long enough to be the reason his heart failed. That was from the previous attempts stacking up."

"Please tell me someone's on their way to pick up that bowl before someone else gets dosed by accident," you said, though you were certain no one would dare eat from that disgusting bowl.

"Katie's on her way to rectify our mistake of leaving it behind," Joe assured you.

"Do you know if he sought out any medical attention?" Tim asked.

"I called the local hospital," Joe stated, "His primary care doctor works there, but hasn't seen him in two years and he hasn't shown up in the Emergency Room ever. I have no doubt he was suffering for weeks from this, but for whatever reason he never went to the hospital. Maybe he had nosocomephobia?" He shrugged.

"What's that?" you questioned, squinting at him in confusion.

"It's an intense fear of going to the hospital," Tim informed you. "My great tia Lucia had that phobia. She broke a hip one time, fully separated it. Despite the pain, she insisted it couldn't be broken even as she tried and failed to stand over and over. My grandmother was with her at the time."

"That's awful," you remarked, mouth agape. You'd never broken anything before, but you knew hip fractures were one of the worst breaks a person could have. She should have been seized up with pain.

"Fear is pain's greatest competitor," Joe told you solemnly.

Tim tilted his head in his direction.

"So, who do we think did it?" you quizzed. "It must be someone in the family, right?"

"Usually is," Tim replied. "Hazel would be most likely."

"Isn't their mother like eighty?"

"Seventy-eight," Tim corrected you. "And it doesn't take a body builder to kill someone by poison. You should know murderers come in all shapes and sizes and ages."

"Of course." And it wouldn't be the first time you'd helped investigate a murder where the mother killed their child.

"Anything else?" Tim asked Joe.

Joe shook his head. "I'll let you know if there's anything else useful to you as the results come in."

"Time for the interrogations then," you figured.

Tim was already halfway out the door.

Upon your arrival at the Homicide Division, Pete Woodward, a young, eager homicide detective-in-training approached you and Tim. Practically flew at you, really. "We've got Hazel and Richard Henley in separate interrogation rooms, ready to talk with you, Rockford. Victim's sisters will be in at noon."

Having lived in the same home, being family, Hazel and Richard were the priority to talk to. They'd been brought in as soon as the investigation had begun, though not officially arrested since there wasn't any solid proof either one of them had motive to kill Elliot yet.

You followed Tim into the first room finding Richard standing inside in a corner, looking bored out of your mind. You wouldn't have expected that from a man that had just lost his brother. Maybe suspect number two was actually the murderer?

"You want to take a seat Mr. Henley?" Tim inquired, gesturing at the gray chair across from yours and his as you both sat down.

"Call me Dick," Richard told him, plopping down on it.

"Really?" You couldn't help the slipped comment. You just didn't understand why anyone would be willing to take on that nickname, especially as a rich person. Did he not notice the possible implications of using it?

Richard either didn't hear you or didn't care; either way he paid you no attention. Tim's eyes however did dart to you for a second before he cleared his throat. "This conversation is going to be recorded, Dick. Is that alright?"

"Whatever you must do, detective. I've got nothing to hide."

Tim pressed record on the voice recorder to his left. "What can you tell us about your brother?"

Richard snorted. "Besides him being a hopeless lazy leech?"

"Aren't you also living with your mother?" you countered.

"I work," Richard informed you defensively, "I only moved back in because I recently got divorced and my new home hasn't been finished yet."

"Uh huh." You'd barely started talking with him and you were already starting to lean more towards him as Elliot's killer than their mother. He had clearly held disdain for his younger brother. That was a pretty good motive.

"Did your brother have any enemies?" Tim questioned.

Richard shrugged. "None that I know of, except his own damn self. He was a loner, mostly. Spent a lot of time online playing games."

"Do we dare ask you how he was with your family, with you?" you inquired.

He chuckled and leaned back. "He was Dad's favorite when he was alive, for some damn reason. Mom loves him out of duty. Our sisters and him get along fine but they don't hang out."

"And you and him?"

"I don't like him not putting in any effort to make his own life," Richard told you, eyes narrowing, "But I wasn't upset enough over it to kill him, if that's what you're wondering."

"We have to consider every possibility," Tim explained to him. "Murders often are committed by those closest to the victim."

"So it is murder?" Richard asked, pursing his lips. "You sound certain."

"We've got evidence that suggests Elliot was slowly poisoned with Arsenic," Tim replied, "Found some in his bowl of cereal."

Richard's eyes widened. "Shit."

"Who normally fed him his meals?" you prompted.

He frowned. "He usually made his own cereal whenever he chose to eat later at night."

"Was he the only one in the house who drank two percent milk?"

His jaw slacked a little. "Yes. Mom and I drink whole milk. You think maybe whoever did this poisoned the whole bottle?"

"I only just considered it now," you admitted. Your eyes flicked to Tim. "Looks like Katie's going to have to bring the jug in now too."

"I'll call her," he said, standing up as he dialed Katie's number and leaning against the wall as he explained to her that she needed to go back to the mansion a third time in less than half a day.

Poor Katie, you thought.

"Who besides you and your mother have access to the fridge on a regular basis?" you pressed.

"The cook, maid, the gardener, the whole family," Richard listed. "None of them have motive to do it."

"That's for us to decide," you told him as Tim sat back down.

Richard turned to him. "Anything else you want to know?"

"Plenty," he said, lifting his eyes to meet Richard's. "Where were you this morning?"

It was nearly a half hour later when Tim finished with Richard, letting him go with a warning to not skip town. You were ready to feel that twist in your stomach, your gut instinct, to tell you letting him go was a mistake, but you didn't get it. As much as you'd thought Richard's attitude towards his brother was bordering hate you didn't get murder vibes from him. His nickname suited him well, but being a dick didn't automatically make someone a killer.

The interrogation with Hazel, their frail appearing seventy-eight-year-old mother who looked every bit like the grandmother to four she was, went similarly to the one with Richard. Although Hazel did not share the anger Richard had towards Elliot, she wasn't shedding any tears either. It was so odd to you. You'd had a shaky relationship with your mother before she passed, but you still had felt the loss after she died. You'd still sobbed when she was laid to rest in the cemetery of your hometown. You'd heard of people being numb at first to loss, like they were in some kind of daze, but you doubted that was it.

You started to truly understand for the first time what kind of people tended to find themselves leading successful businesses. You didn't like what you saw.

"Mrs. Henley, did you hate your son?" you inquired boldly.

Her eyes grew wide. "Of course not. I wouldn't have let him stay home if I did. To most he was lazy, but he helped me around the property. Spent time in the garden with me every afternoon. Adopting him was the best decision I ever made."

For the first time in the last fifteen minutes you and Tim had been talking with her there was sadness in her eyes.

Maybe she isn't a psychopath after all, you mused.

"You adopted Elliot?" Tim prompted.

Hazel nodded. "We knew his biological mother. When she died, we decided to take him in, treat him as our own. It's what friends do."

"So kind of you," you said, trying to sound sincere. You couldn't help but think that there was something more; that there was no way this lady had adopted a child out of the goodness of her heart. Adopting him had probably come with tax breaks or something like that.

Elliot and Richard's older sisters, Heidi and Jeanine, who were both in their forties, blonde, and mothers to two children each, all in their teens, weren't much better than Hazel and Richard, clearly not much more than spoiled trophy wives to their rich husbands.

"Maybe Elliot poisoned himself," Heidi suggested, "He didn’t have a lot going for him, you know? I loved him, but he was always the mess up of the family. It had to have eaten at him."

"My brother was kind, but didn't make anything of himself," Jeanine said later during the interview with her. "I'd think him committing suicide makes more sense than murder. None of my family are capable of that."

The linear ceiling light above started blinking furiously above the three of you and you felt the air get thick with tension that was cutting knife worthy. Anger. Your breathing picked up to compensate for the lack of oxygen getting to your lungs. You shivered as a draft hit the back of your neck. Out of habit your eyes darted to and fro, looking for danger but finding nothing visible.

You knew he was there though, watching, and he was trying to tell you his sisters' theories were way off. He definitely had not killed himself.

Tim and Jeanine clearly hadn't felt anything in the air change, surprised by the intense reaction you'd had to the lights flickering, but they had at least seen the lights go off. Once again Tim was studying you, expression trained. "You alright?"

"I'm okay," you answered, "Nothing new for me."

It was true it wasn't new, but it had still shaken you. Kind Elliot Henley seemed to have a lot of hate in his soul in the afterlife. You honestly couldn't blame him though. None of his family, even his sisters who were supposed to like him, had shed any tears in front of you and you were pretty sure shock couldn't account for any of it.

After the interviews were over, you and Tim headed to the office you shared.

"What a piece of work that family is," you muttered as he closed the door behind you. You turned on your heels to face him.

Tim nodded. "Sure is."

"I’m almost certain there's no way either Jeanine or Heidi murdered him though."

"Their alibis are too solid," he agreed. "And they sounded more like they pitied him than were angry at him."

"Exactly."

"We're still going to do a solid background check on them."

"Of course."

He sat down at his desk and you at the computer one, and you both got to work.

After thorough searching you and Tim uncovered that the Henley family were generally law-abiding citizens - except for a few speeding tickets (Richard) and a couple court cases for tax evasion by Hazel and her belated husband Roderick, one that had been proven and had ended with him being in prison for a few months. Not with the general population, of course. You'd bet his prison room had been private and clean. Safe.

Though the day had mostly been a bore, you still found yourself exhausted by the end of your twelve hour shift, not hesitating to turn down an invitation to eat out with the floor secretaries from Helen. All you wanted to do was make a sandwich, eat it, and go to bed, as much as you liked Helen.

And that's exactly what you did, not even taking time to read before bed like you typically did.

You startled awake just after midnight to a loud cracking sound. It sounded like one of your potted plants in the living room had been knocked down from one of the wall shelves and had broken when it hit the hardwood floor.

Back in your early thirties you'd taken in a smokey gray cat with stunning light green eyes named Blue that had been owned by a woman who had been murdered in a burglary gone wrong. He'd been a serial houseplant tipper. It had been almost guaranteed one of your houseplant pots would fall victim to him during the course of a week until you learned to tape the underneath of each one to the shelf beneath them.

In your sleep haze you figured he'd finally managed to knock one down, but after a few moments your mind caught up and you remembered that you'd had to give Blue’s vet permission to euthanize him over six years ago, his kidneys having failed at the ripe age of twenty.

Dread seized you, tightened your throat. Had someone broken in? Had you forgotten to lock the door? You were usually very careful about it, but you had been pretty tired.

You reached blindly under your bed for the handgun you kept there, locked away in a black box in the off chance you'd ever need it, and without switching on any lights loaded the chamber with a couple bullets before heading down the short hall with it, into the living room.

You turned the corner carefully, gun at the ready, finger curled right next to the trigger, but the room was clear, except for the spider plant and its pot that had shattered on the floor, spilling most of its dark gardening soil all over the surrounding floorboards.

You sucked in a deep breath and moved into the kitchen but no one was there either. There had to have been someone though. Unless there had been an earthquake, but one of that magnitude would've jostled you awake before the pot had fallen.

You felt it then. Him then. That eerie feeling of being watched by someone no longer quite human creeping under your skin, making you quake, as it often did.

Saying that you were alarmed would be an understatement. Bullets didn't harm spirits.

You slowly twisted around to find him there, looming smack in the middle of the start of your hallway, half hidden by the shadow of your fridge, barely seven feet from you. He was standing with a hunch in his back and an arm curled around his belly, a stance of someone with some kind of severe abdominal pain. His eyes did not hold any of that pain though. All you could see in them was rage.

It was the kind of expression that would make any sane person flee, especially since he wasn't a little guy, so that's what you did, bolting for your car keys on the table and then the front door.

Before you could make it out, as you were slipping through the doorway, you felt searing pain as something sharp dragged down your back, and you concluded in terror that he'd scratched you, all the while racing for your 1991 Taurus.

It wasn't until you'd already driven a mile out from your house that you were able to breath properly again. It was at that exact time the tears spilled from your eyes and everything that had happened during the previous ten minutes settled into your memory.

Elliot was severely pissed, feral. The worst kind of lost spirit. And it had taken him less than a day to get that way. It seemed that the kind man his family had described had hidden an inner darkness. Maybe he'd been successful in life at beating it down, but in death all bets were definitely off. You'd never known a spirit to lose control so fast, even those who had managed to attach themselves to their murderers.

And he'd clearly latched onto you, followed you home. It wasn't the first time a spirit had, but it was the first they could actually harm you to any degree by touch. You swallowed hard. You'd only temporarily escaped. He'd find you again. It would be instant if you returned home any time soon, so you drove around the city aimlessly for a couple hours, after hiding your gun in the glove compartment. You didn't have a concealed weapon permit, but you didn't think leaving it on the passenger seat was wise either if a patrol cop happened to pull you over.

It was past two when you found yourself rolling up into Tim's driveway, not sure where else to go. You knew where Helen lived too, but you did not want to chance dragging her into the mess you found yourself in. She was just a secretary. At least Tim had some training dealing with violent situations, not that it would help much in the face of a being he could not see, let alone hurt.

That was your reasoning at least as you studied the plain looking two-story house in front of you. It was encased in white painted wood where yours was in brick, but with the addition of that second floor it was bigger. Probably not much more expensive though. The house was old, aged by at least three decades where yours had been built less than a decade ago. The paint was also chipping, the outdoor upkeep of it clearly not a priority for him.

Despite the house looking prime for a haunting it called out to you, beckoning you inside, because the man who called it home was your most trusted friend and you knew his presence could at the bare minimum comfort you after the trauma you'd just been through.

You approached with the energy of a woman half your age, sprinting up the front porch steps and pounding on the oak door more demandingly than you had intended.

Tim swung it open a full minute later, in nothing but dark gray sweatpants, his heavy eyes peering out at you, his hair tussled from what had probably been a deep, satisfying sleep.

You'd have felt guilty for waking him if your heart hadn't nearly stopped at the sight of his bare, broad shoulders, defined upper arm muscles, and soft belly.

You'd admittingly dreamed of him more than once in the last year you'd known him, your subconscious mind not caring one bit that he was your partner, but your brain hadn't quite done him justice. You wondered in what other...areas your dreams failed him, but you refused to let your gaze drop below the beginnings of the happy trail on his lower stomach.

"Psy, what are you doing here?" he asked, eyes widening as soon as his brain registered who was standing in front of him.

"Can I please stay here tonight?" you pleaded hurriedly, afraid if you didn't get what you wanted to say out fast that you'd chicken out.

"What's going on?" he questioned, pursing his lips. There was worry in his eyes again. He stepped aside before you could answer, gesturing for you to enter his cozy home.

You did so gratefully and folded your arms self-consciously over your chest. It had just occurred to you that since you were in nothing but thin cotton long sleeved forest green pajamas that your breasts were well defined underneath, especially after standing outside in the chill of an autumn night for some time.

"Elliot's spirit followed me home," you informed him, rubbing your upper arms with your hands, attempting to warm them up. "He attacked me."

"Attacked you?" Tim sounded startled. You met his eyes and saw his concern deepen. He hadn't thought to say that it was impossible because it was all in your head. You wondered if he was finally starting to come around to the idea that spirits existed.

If he wasn't, he surely would after what you'd do next.

"He scratched me," you continued, voice shaky as you turned your back to him and curled the tips of your fingers around the hem of the back of your shirt. "How bad is it?"

You rolled it up as high as you thought the scratch went and heard Tim inhale sharply as you revealed it to him. You felt his rough yet gentle hands glide over yours as he lifted your shirt up just a little higher to take in the full damage.

"Elliot did this?" he growled, sounding outraged, a fierce anger in his tone that you had not been prepared for, typically a man who was subtle with all his emotions.

"How bad is it?" you repeated, wanting desperately to know.

"There's three long marks diagonally along the center of your back," he stated stiffly, attempting to rein in his upset. "They are about four inches in length, start to finish. Luckily they don't look too deep, but judging from the blood on your shirt, they did bleed for some amount of time."

You stepped away from him and dropped your shirt back into place before facing him again. "I wouldn't do that to myself."

"I know," he said firmly. You could tell from his tense expression alone that he believed you. "There's no way you could've reached back there to scratch yourself up like that. No normal human's nails could mark you that badly anyway.”

There was great relief from him finally accepting that spirits were real, especially that night. You desperately had needed him to believe it after having been shaken up so significantly. Your sight was blinded by tears again.

Tim reached out to squeeze your left shoulder supportively. "Does it hurt? Do you want to go to the hospital? I can drive you."

You shook your head, unable to prevent the smile that briefly adorned your face, remembering how'd he been with you when you first met. Oh how the times do change. "No, I just need a place to crash. Can I take your couch?"

"Better yet, you can take my spare bed," he replied, dropping his hand back to his side. "Follow me up. I'll show you to the room and get a fresh shirt and dressing for you. Going to need to clean those marks to make sure they don't get infected."

You nodded and trailed him as he climbed the stairs to the second floor without another word, flipping on lights as he went.

He entered the first room on the left and made his way in the dark to the nightstand to turn on the white lamp centered on its surface. The light emitted from it was dim, but good enough to use while cleaning your wound. Without a word Tim gestured for you to sit on the edge of the bed and strolled out of the room to collect the items he'd need to treat the scratches on your back.

He returned a few minutes later with scissors, gauze, medical tape, disinfectant, and an old plain black t-shirt in hand. He offered the shirt to you as soon as he was within your reach. You noted the charcoal gray t-shirt he'd slipped on while he was gone.

"I didn't think you owned anything besides black and white suits," you teased, trying to lighten the mood as you accepted it, folding the black shirt up on your lap until you could switch it out with your bloodied pajama one.

"We've never been around each other on our off days," he pointed out, a hint of a teasing tone in his voice. "I like to be comfortable just like anyone else."

For some reason it had been hard for you to imagine him in anything else but his work apparel. It was strange seeing him in casual clothes. Strange because it felt almost intimate. Like it was a part of his life you shouldn't have seen as his professional partner.

"Gonna sit behind you," he informed you quietly, gruffly. "Can you hold up the back of your shirt while I clean your wounds?"

You nodded, finding yourself tongue-tied, and couldn't help but note how much the mattress sank as he settled on it just outside of your peripheral vision. You could feel the front of one of his knees lightly brushing against your back after he was seated. You tried not to think about it as you lifted your shirt so he had easy access to the scratches.

"This is going to sting," he warned.

Nodding again, you tensed as he pressed a wet gauze to your upper back, hissing at the sting of the disinfectant he was using. It was the only painful thing about Tim tending to your wounds. His calloused hands occasionally brushed your sensitive, slightly inflamed skin, but they were as gentle as they could be. You found yourself trembling under his touch, and it wasn't because of the pain. With every feather light glance of his fingertips the desire you'd consistently tried to stomp out for months flared with newfound strength.

"Sorry," he apologized in the softest tone you'd ever heard him speak in. "Almost done."

You clutched at the mattress beneath you as he taped gauze to your upper back, trying to focus on that rather than his presence, grateful that your reactions were only coming off as ones of pain to him. He wasn't completely wrong.

“All done,” he finally announced, and you expected to be relieved when his hands pulled away from you, but instead you felt your hunger for him surge within you. You couldn’t keep still. You needed his hands back on you.

You twisted in place, dropping the shirt that had been on your lap, and crashed your lips into his desperately, hands splaying out on his chest as you prayed silently that he would respond, and respond he did, tugging you closer, curling a hand around the base of your neck, licking into the heat of your mouth, and you realized in that moment that he had desired you just as much.

When you both took a breath, he pulled his head back far enough to study your face, searching for anything in your expression that could tell him what more you wanted from him. He would only give as much as you asked for.

You answered his silent question with another searing kiss, your hands traveling to his back and up into his hair, ruffling it as you sought purchase. You pressed yourself closer to him and he embraced you, arms wrapping around your lower back, careful to avoid your bandaged wound.

It wasn’t long before you guided his hands to the edge of your shirt and he got your message instantly, easing your sleep shirt up off of you and chucking it to the floor.

The chill in the room had your bare nipples immediately hard, and he didn’t miss it, his thumbs tracing your stiff buds, blown dark eyes flickering between your breasts and face. “Okay?”

“Yes,” you whined. You lolled your head back and one of his hands left your chest to support your neck again as he leaned towards you to lave at your exposed neck. Your fingers slipped into his short, slightly wavy hair again as you hummed under his attentiveness. "So good."

You reached for the chord of his sweatpants to untie it, the back of your hand brushing against the hardening bulge behind it, and he groaned as he jerked away from you, as if it was painful to do so. “We don’t have to do anything else if you don’t want to.”

“Where’d you get the idea I didn’t?” you chuckled. You definitely did not want to stop.

“I don’t have any condoms on hand,” he admitted after a few moments. “The last box I had expired.”

“Well, lucky for the both of us I’ve already gone through menopause,” you told him, kissing the corner of his mouth fondly, his moustache scrapping pleasantly against your lips. “And I’ve been just as focused on work as you have been the last few years or so.”

He caught onto your underlying meaning and tilted his head to catch your full mouth again as you loosened his pants, tugging them down as far as you could while still on the bed, revealing his black and white checkered boxers.

In a brief, humorous thought, you made a mental note to get him items of clothing that weren’t black, white, tan, or gray for his next birthday. The man needed more color in his life.

He didn’t notice the amusement on your face as he stood and kicked the pants the rest of the way off him, and when you laid back so he could remove your pants, it was gone. Nothing but want to invade your mind and your face.

Slowly but surely the last articles of clothing remaining on you both were added to the pile on the floor as your mouths and hands explored each other greedily. Once you were free, you knelt on the edge of the bed in front of him and reached out to hold the heft of him in your hands, stroking him confidently, spreading the precum leaking from his head up his entire length. Your firm, yet caressing touch had his knees buckling, and he groaned into your mouth as he braced himself against the bed with an arm, the other molded around your hips. You glanced up at his face briefly as you continued to pump him with your hands and the edges of your mouth lifted, taking delight in watching him watch you work him up with hooded eyes.

Once he was firm you shuffled back on the bed to make room for him to join you, mirroring your kneeling position. He reached down between your legs and you gasped as his fingers made contact with your clit, circling and tracing it until you were thrusting against his hand and him sliding two thick fingers inside you was enough to make you come, a warmth flooding your core as you lurched forward, panting against his chest, giving yourself time to enjoy the waves of ecstasy that followed. It had been quite some time since someone had made you feel that way.

When it was over you firmly pushed him back onto his palms and heels, a soft smile on your face. He raised his eyebrows slightly at you, wondering what you had in mind, but did not resist, curiosity winning out over any yearning he might have to be in control.

You had an idea of what you were doing, but most of it was instinct, wanting to be face to face with him without either of you being on your backs. You clung to his shoulders with your arms, lifting yourself up high enough to hover over him as you climbed onto his lap and folded your legs around his waist, lining your entrance up with his head before you let yourself slowly drop down on top of him.

He was thick, and it was a tight fit, but the foreplay had done its job, making you slick enough to take him deep. The drag of his cock inside you had him gritting his teeth the whole time you slid him into you. He wound his strong arms around your lower back to brace you as you began to roll your hips against him and he joined in your rhythm, gliding in and out of you at a steady pace. Your faces stayed close, cheek to cheek, his beard prickling yours. You whimpered when he hit you particularly deep and he turned his head to nuzzle his nose against yours. “Okay?” he rasped between soft grunts.

You nodded vigorously, eyes snapped shut, breaths heavy. There were no other words spoken between you as you rocked together, letting your bodies and the sounds that slipped out of your mouths do the communicating.

It took you a little longer than it would’ve when you were younger, but when he found that special spot inside you his insistent press into it had you squeezing him and moaning loudly, invoking praise from his lips in the form of your name. He stilled in you soon after, cock spasming, spurting hot inside you as he emitted a low satisfied hmph, kissing along your lower jaw through both of your aftershocks.

When it was over, he let himself fall back onto one of the bed pillows and you followed him, still on top of him, allowing him to linger inside you as he softened, as your racing hearts returned to their normal rhythms, as you caught back your breaths. You were silent the whole time, not saying a word, just enjoying the intimate closeness with him. Trying not to let any of the fears and doubts knocking at your door in as your mind cleared from your lustful haze.

Eventually you rolled off him and he made a move to stand, only having managed to sit up when you pressed a palm against his broad chest in attempt to stop him from moving anymore.

“Stay with me, please?”

His eyes turned up to the doorway then back to your face, his expression saying what he wouldn't. He was uncertain if he should stay, though you could tell he wanted to. A brief kiss to his shoulder was all it took to convince him. "Alright. I'll stay."

You both took time to clean yourselves up in the bathroom across the hall, dressed back into your sleep clothes (you wearing his black t-shirt), and unmade the bed together, curling up under the thick blankets immediately after. You flipped onto your side, a hand folded under your pillow, and you smiled as he molded his burly body against your back, careful not to put any pressure on your wounds. His right arm draped over your stomach and you reached down to clasp his hand in yours, grateful for his affection. You felt safe in his arms, in a way you hadn't felt in a very long time, not when violent deaths and literal ghosts were a consistent part of your work. The warmth radiating off his body relaxed you as well, lulling you to sleep.

The last thing you felt as you drifted off was him burying his face into your neck.

You woke in the early morning to the beginnings of daylight spilling into the bedroom from the small window inside it. You were still warm, but when you registered that Tim's body was no longer pressed against yours, dread filled you. Had he decided to go back to his own bed after all?

You forced yourself to stand, quietly moving down the hall to peer into the next room over, the only other one with a bed in the house. The bed had been clearly used the night before, but it was empty, and when you dared to walk over to touch the sheets, they were freezing cold. You couldn't help the sigh of relief that escaped your lips at that before you tip toed back out the room. It had to be a good sign that he'd stayed the whole night with you, right?

You chewed on the inside of your cheek as you headed for the bathroom and locked the door behind you so you could pee in privacy, still trying to push away your anxiety over how this morning would go. How Tim would be with you, what he would say. Where would you stand? You couldn't imagine the previous night being the one and only time you ever spent with him intimately, but you knew if he didn't want a real relationship you'd turn down any halfway offers. You weren't built for sex without emotion tied to it. It was in part why you hadn't had any for years, besides the forementioned workaholic issue.

You tried to ignore the ache that was forming in your chest as you washed your hands then brushed your teeth, splashing water in your face after, in an attempt to look put together when you were anything but after all that had occurred with Elliot and then Tim.

You strolled into the kitchen, finding Tim at the counter, pouring steaming hot coffee into two mugs. "Just in time," he said, his back still turned to you. You mused that he must have better hearing than you if he'd heard you padding into the room in your socks. None of the floorboards had squeaked. Maybe it was the job that had made him hyper aware.

"You want some coffee?" he asked, like everything between you was the same as it had been twenty-four hours before. You felt a tinge of annoyance that he could act so normal, but you hid it from him.

"Sure, if you have sugar and milk."

"Of course." He nodded at you and reached inside the fridge so he could grab the whole milk inside and mix a teaspoon of it into the coffee mug on his right, followed by a teaspoon of sugar from the canister on the countertop. He left his free of additives, preferring his black, something that still had you twitching your nose even after having seen him drink it nearly every day for the past year. You couldn't imagine drinking coffee as is, even if it was made with high quality whole beans.

Tim passed you your mug as you sat down at the small kitchen table in the far corner of the room. Instead of joining you he leaned back against the counter, eyes focused on his mug when he wasn't sipping from it.

"Are we going to talk about last night?" you inquired after a few minutes, the silence bothering you more than the fear of the conversation you were about to push.

Tim lifted his head to meet your eyes, appearing a bit ashamed. "I shouldn't have. Should've backed off. You were afraid. Seeking comfort. I feel like I took advantage of you."

You huffed. "I didn't sleep with you because I was afraid. I slept with you because your hands felt good on my skin. Because I trust you. Because I have feelings for you. Have for a long time. Do you know how good you look in suspenders?"

He snorted quietly, eyes falling back to the mug in his hands. "I've felt something for you for a while too. I've just been denying it to myself."

"Because of my abilities?" you guessed, trying not to be bothered by what was in the past.

He shook his head, looking back up at you. "I've been in denial about that too. Last night was not when you finally convinced me the spirits you see exist. It was slow, it snuck up on me, my belief, increasing with every case we took on that had an active one interacting with you. The way you consistently knew things you shouldn't have. The occasional unexplained eerie feeling I got sometimes right before you'd react to one showing itself to you. That's what eventually sold me. I just never imagined one would hurt you."

You recalled his reaction when he saw your scratches for the first time. "You were afraid for me. Last night."

"Of course," he confirmed with a growl. "Still am. He hurt you, he could hurt you again, and because Elliot's already dead I can't do shit about it."

There was a hint of defeat, of helplessness in his voice that made you feel like your heart was in a vice grip. You wanted nothing more than to run up to him and hug him, to reassure him it would be fine, but you denied yourself of that moment to further the conversation.

"The only way Elliot leaves me alone is if we solve the case," you told him. "And we've got a little over a couple hours before we can get back to that task. In the meantime, we need to figure out where we stand."

"Like if we pretend this never happened or we report to HR?"

"Something like that."

He peered back down at the coffee in his mug. "What do you want?"

"What do you think?" You curled your fingertips tighter around your mug. "I want whatever you want, unless that boils down to meaningless sex. I can't do that. What do you want?"

He sighed heavily. "A part of me wishes I could take last night back, and another part has no regrets." You swallowed hard, but said nothing as he continued, "This will complicate things at work. No matter what route we take. There's a reason HR frowns on people in the same unit having any kind of intimate relationship with each other."

"Because they're stupid," you muttered, sipping at your coffee, eyes shifting to peer up at him, waiting expectantly.

He couldn't help but chuckle even as he shook his head disapprovingly at you.

"I asked what you wanted, not HR," you reminded him, as you abandoned your mug at the table to join him by the counter.

When you got just within arm's reach he cupped your face with one palm gently, stroking his thumb over your cheek. "I want to see where this goes," he admitted.

"Then let's do that," you said as a weight lifted off your chest. "Screw HR."

Tim grunted. "We'll have to tell them eventually."

"Well, eventually is not going to be today."

He nodded his agreement as he guided your face closer to his, pressing a kiss to your lips more sweetly than you could've imagined him capable of.

When he pulled away you touched your forehead to his shoulder. "I need to get my work clothes at my house."

Elliot was not likely waiting there for you, and he could turn up anytime, anywhere, he even could've popped up right then and there in Tim's kitchen, but you still were not looking forward to it.

"I'll go with you," he offered immediately. "Let me put on my glasses and a pair of jeans and I'll drive you, go inside with you. You can grab whatever you need to get dressed for work and bring it back here. If that would make you feel safer."

He knew as well as you that it didn't matter to Elliot where you went, but he also knew going back to your home so soon after the attack would be difficult for you and that him being there would make a difference to you mentally.

"Thanks," you murmured. "I'll take you up on that."

"You can also stay here until the case is solved," he added, "No strings attached. I'm not expecting last night to happen again any time soon. I'm not trying to rush things. I just don't like the idea of you being alone while Elliot's still around, even though I know logically I wouldn't be able to stop him from hurting you again."

You beamed at him and wriggled your eyebrows. "Who says I don't want to repeat that any time soon?"

He cursed under his breath as you pulled away from him with a playful smirk and headed for the door. "I'll wait in the car."

"That's not fair, Psy," he called after you.

You didn't look back, but you were smiling warmly as you exited the house.

Luckily your fears of returning home were unwarranted, your quest to gather a few sets of clothes and beauty products uneventful. Maybe it had something to do with Tim standing formidably in the doorway to your bedroom as you packed your suitcase. Did the dead ever get intimidated by the living?

In any case you were grateful to get out of there without another confrontation with Elliot.

As soon as you and Tim arrived back at his house you both showered, him in the master bathroom and you in the hallway bathroom. He was dressed in a half hour and you in an hour, barely finishing up in time to not be late for work.

You and Tim took your own vehicles (well, he took his detective car), not wanting to spike the curiosity of any prying eyes and nosey noses in the department. Helen, bless her soul, would've been the first asking twenty questions and it was the last thing either of you wanted with your newfound relationship literally only hours old.

When you entered the Homicide Division you spotted Tim towards the back of the room having a conversation with Katie. You strolled up to them, a polite smile on your face.

"Anything new, Katie?" you asked lightly as you came to a stop between them, making sure you were no more closer or farther from Tim than you usually positioned yourself.

"Nothing with me personally," she told you, "But the Henley case, oh boy. Dex, the poison expert on our team tested a mystery substance in a gas can found half buried in the woods behind their mansion."

"And there were traces of arsenic."

"Of course," she said, "But that's just the beginning. There was blood on the canister. Just a speck. Looks like the killer cut themselves on the hard plastic trying to open the lid. I swabbed it and compared it to the oral samples we took from each of the Henley’s. Compared it to a blood sample from Elliot for good measure..."

You waited but after several seconds of silence you huffed. You hated when people stretched out tension, like a reality show going to commercial break right before the winner is revealed. "What'd you find kid?"

You could've sworn Katie's eyes were glowing with excitement. Whatever information she had was juicy.

"First off, you remember how Elliot is adopted, right?"

You raised your eyebrows. "Yeah..."

"Well, turns out he is actually related to Richard and his sisters," Katie informed you, "But not Hazel."

"Roderick cheated on her," you concluded, eyes broadening. "And she let him adopt his son when his mistress died?"

"She might have not known," Katie offered, "Not until now at least."

"Are you suggesting she's our prime suspect?" Tim quizzed.

"I would be," she replied, "...if it wasn't Richard's blood on the canister."

"He described Elliot as a leech," you recalled. "A lazy one at that. It wouldn't be a big stretch to think that after finding out Elliot is their father's bastard son that he might consider him unworthy of living in their mansion. Worse than an interloper; living, breathing evidence that their father was not faithful to their mother."

"We've got enough for you to get an arrest warrant," you stated.

"Let's get going then," Tim said, buttoning up his trench coat. "The sooner we have that warrant the better."

He didn't mention that it was because Elliot had become a threat.

By mid afternoon Richard was back in the same interrogation room he had been in the previous day, dressed in a suit and tie, having been caught on the front porch of the mansion right after returning home from a business meeting.

At first he wouldn't stop rambling, mostly about how he was going to sue the whole department for every penny for falsely accusing him, but he'd been quiet since Tim had revealed that Forensics had DNA proof that he'd opened the canister of arsenic, the gravity of his situation having finally sunk in.

"I know you said you're not going to talk anymore until your lawyer gets in," Tim started as he sat down in front of him, "But indulge me. Let me tell you how I think everything went down."

Richard stared at him, maintaining a neutral expression.

"I think somehow you found out Elliot was actually your half brother," Tim continued, "And I think you decided your good-for-nothing half brother had to go. You couldn't risk it getting out that your father, the head of your family, had once had a mistress. You had to keep your family's reputation clean of that kind of scandal for the sake of your business' success. Am I right?"

Richard had been well trained in the art of, well, training his face, but you had trained yourself well in the art of observation and you'd had several more years than him to practice. When Tim had called Elliot his half brother Richard's eyes had widened just a bit.

"You didn't know he was your biological brother," you realized. "You didn't murder Elliot." You took a step towards him, away from the wall your back had been pressed against. "Who had you open the gas canister, Dick?"

He refused to speak.

"Was it Jeanine? Heidi? No..." You paused, "It was Hazel after all, wasn't it?"

"Dick, without your statement, without the truth, we will have to go ahead with prosecuting you," Tim declared. "All the evidence points to you. Unless you can say otherwise or tell us of other evidence that would contradict what we've gathered."

"Guess I'm going to prison then," he snarled.

"Well, no one can argue you're not a good son," you said with a shrug, trying to act casual. "Guess there's nothing left for us to say here."

You headed for the door and Tim followed you out. "You have an idea."

"Actually, I don't," you admitted. "I was hoping you did. Since my little ghost problem won't go away until we put his real killer behind bars."

Tim worked his jaw. "We let Richard sit in prison for a few days, then let Hazel visit him and talk with her again after. Maybe she loves him enough to confess."

"A few days?" You arched your brows and he narrowed his eyes at you, his expression warning you not to say anything else.

"I don't have any ulterior motives behind the time frame," he told you. "We have the weekend off and Richard needs time to stew. To realize how awful prison truly is. Either he breaks or Hazel does."

You couldn't help the crooked smile that formed on your face. "Cold..."

“Apt.”

"True."

You spent the rest of the day digging up information on the Henley family history at the public library seven minutes away from the department and going over some photos that had been confiscated from the mansion.

One in particular got your attention. A wedding photo of Hazel and Roderick. “They look so happy,” you observed from over Tim’s shoulder as he studied it in one hand, his glasses grasped in the other. Something occurred to you. “Do you think she killed him too, for cheating?”

Tim shook his head. “I checked into his death. It was from lung cancer. He was a heavy smoker.”

"Of course.”

Tim checked his watch. "Time to clock out. Do you want to head out to a bar?"

It was a fairly common for him to ask you if you wanted to hang out at Liquid Alchemy on a Friday night, or after a case was closed, but it was the first time he had suggested a bar and not Liquid Alchemy by name. You cocked an eyebrow. "What do you have in mind?"

"There's this upscale full bar in the Lazy Queen restaurant on the other side of the city," Tim informed you. "I've never been, but I've heard good things. Though it's a little pricey for everyone here. For one night it wouldn't hurt to indulge though. I'll pay."

You got the message. The bar's location and prices would keep anyone you knew from work away and would allow you both to enjoy the rest of the night without prying eyes.

You glanced at the doorway of your shared office, making sure no one on the floor outside of it was within earshot. "Sounds like a date."

"If you'd like it to be."

"I would."

Tim dropped the photo in his hand on the desk and put his glasses back on before pushing himself up onto his feet with a small grunt, his left hand briefly clutching at his stiff lower back. You held back a comment about him needing to get a new office chair. You'd already mentioned it to him several times before, but he was stubborn.

"I'll head out right now," he told you as he shrugged on his trench coat, which had been draped over the chair in front of his desk. "Give me five before you follow me. We'll meet up at my house and you can jump in with me, okay?"

You grinned. "Sounds like a plan."

He dared a quick kiss to your temple as he passed you on the way out of the room and your lips pulled back even more.

Dating Tim was going to get dangerous. You could get used to him being affectionate with you.

The Lazy Queen's restaurant had the best Margaritas you could ever recall, and they hit hard too. After only a couple your usually not-so-lightweight self had become a chatty twenty questions kind of gal. It was so out of character for you Tim was amused by your behavior, lips quirking up on several occasions as you continued through your list of questions which he all answered patiently.

"Horror or action films?"

"Action."

"Have you ever seen snow in person?"

"Of course. It snows in Portland. Just not every year. Heard rumors we might this December, but it's not something to bet on."

"What's the story behind this?" you quizzed, stretching forward to clasp his left hand in yours, displaying the small target tattoo in between his thumb and index finger.

"I got it when I first started basic training," he answered. "It was to remind myself to hit bullseye every time. Literally and figuratively. To never lose sight of my goals."

"And have you not?" you inquired.

"Not what?"

"Lost sight of your goals."

He shrugged, taking a sip of the fancy drink in his right hand, and you realize you've forgotten the name of it. You pushed your current Margarita, your third, away from you. "I've had to take a few failures like everyone else. We can't solve every case."

There was something in his dark eyes, a hint of grief and guilt, that sobered you up a bit because you knew then that he was thinking about his lost sister.

"Think you're sober enough to drive us home?" you asked him with a sigh.

His eyebrows shot up. "You moving in permanently?" He was smiling lightly, teasing.

"Not yet," you huffed. "You know what I meant. Your home."

"Yeah," he said, an index finger circling the edge of his glass. "I'm sober enough. I don't even have a buzz. I've been nursing this lone drink all night. You didn't notice?"

"Shut up."

You were running barefoot through the forest at night at full speed, in a flowing white dress that reached your knees, eyes darting over your shoulders on occasion to make sure whatever you were trying to escape wasn't gaining on you. It was too dark out to see that far behind you though.

Fallen leaves crunched under your bare feet, damp moss made you slip twice, and you had to leap a few tree roots that stuck out of the ground but you didn't slow your pace for even a moment.

You heard a river roaring in the distance and for some reason you were convinced that crossing that would save you, so you aimed for the sound, stretching your legs out as far as you could in hopes of covering ground even faster. You stopped looking back, certain if you kept moving that you'd get to safety.

You pushed through a thicket of trees and had to skid to a stop, narrowly preventing yourself from falling off the cliff on the other side of it, one of your feet halfway over the edge. You were right next to a waterfall. You gasped at the close call.

Remembering that you had been running from something you twisted around and your eyes grew into saucers when you spotted it. A black human shaped mass easily flowing through the trees, into the same open space you were in.

"You can run, but you can't hide forever," said a furious masculine voice. It was coming from the black mass, though you could not see a mouth, let alone see it move.

"Why are you chasing me?" you demanded fearfully.

"Because you are fleeing," the voice growled, like it was the simplest thing. Maybe it was to him. Nothing but a predator chasing prey.

You swallowed hard as he took a step forward. "I spent so much time living fictional lives, I forgot how entertaining the living could be to mess with."

Your eyes grew bigger. "Elliot," you whispered. "You don't belong here."

"In your dreams, or in the world?" he hissed as his form reshaped into the man you'd seen lying dead on a cold table less than forty-eight hours ago.

"Both," you replied. "Spirits who stick around can become troubled fairly quickly."

"You think I'm one of your troubled ghosts?" He chuckled, a gleam in his already eerie gray eyes. "All I've done is discover the benefits of being dead."

"This isn't the man who sat with his mother in the garden," you noted.

"No," he agreed. "That man was murdered by her. Apparently."

At your surprised reaction he beamed. "I was there when you interviewed my brother for the second time. I just made sure you couldn't tell. I'm getting better at stuff like that."

You shivered. "This isn't you, Elliot." You knew it to be true in your gut. Everyone had the capacity to commit evil, some more than others, but what mattered was how you had behaved, and while Elliot had maybe been lazy, nothing you'd heard or read about him had hinted at him behaving badly in any kind of way. The in between had twisted him beyond recognition.

"Who says anyone has to stay the same?" He strolled towards you and you took another step back, finding yourself teetering, dangerously close to falling over the cliff. He grinned. "It's fun messing with you."

He shoved you, catching you off guard for a second, sending you flying over. You heard your skull crack against a stone before you collapsed into the frigid water at the bottom.

Your eyes snapped open and you pulled ragged breaths from your lungs as you shot up into a sit in Tim's guest room bed. For a few seconds you didn't move other than to press your right hand to your chest and close your eyes as you focused on recovery.

It had felt so real, but it had all been a dream. You could hardly remember the last time you'd been so relieved. It was short lived though, as you realized that Elliot might've been the crafter of your nightmare. After all, though it was rare, it had happened before with other spirits. It would explain why you were still shaking. He was nearby, close enough to affect you, for you to sense him on some subconscious level.

On the way back to Tim's house you'd both decided that sleeping in separate bedrooms would be best for your relationship for a bit, not wanting to rush into it any more than you'd already had.

You regretted that as you rolled over and ran your hand over the cold spot next to you on the mattress in an attempt to seek comfort. You'd taken pride in yourself all your life for being independent, for not needing anyone else when you left the office, but there were occasions, nights like these, when the solace of another body besides yours would've been much more preferable.

For the first time in your life when a spirit had taken the reins of your subconscious, you had the option to change your situation. To seek that comfort you wanted so profoundly. You slid out of bed and walked into the doorway of the room next door, quietly knocking on the solid oak, trying to wake Tim without startling him.

He still flinched a little when he woke up, glancing around sleepily as he rolled from his side and onto his back. When he noticed you wordlessly standing in his doorway he blinked at you, confused. "What's wrong?"

You were suddenly shy, feeling stupid. Like you going to see him was childish, even though your nightmare hadn't been just a nightmare and you had every right to be afraid. "Elliot's nearby."

Tim sat up in bed quickly, the blankets that had covered him up to his shoulders slipping down to his waist. He had kept on the plain red shirt that he'd worn that night to bed with a fresh new pair of light gray sweatpants. "Where?"

"I don't know," you replied. "But he was in my dreams. He said he overheard that it was his adoptive mother who killed him and then he pushed me over a waterfall and I woke up."

"I'm sorry, Psy," he said, standing so he could rub your arms comfortingly. "Maybe waiting for Hazel to confess was a mistake."

You shook your head. "It's the only good plan we have. Any other could've screwed up the case. It's not your fault. And at least he didn't show up here in the house."

You still weren't exactly sure why.

"Do you want to stay with me?" Tim questioned. "Share the bed? Would that help?"

You shrugged. "Maybe. He doesn't seem to like interacting with me when you're around for some reason."

"He is shorter than me," he stated as if it made total sense.

You snorted at his joke but some part of you wondered if Elliot really was intimated by him. Sometimes spirits still acted like they were living and breathing. That could include fearful behavior.

In any case, you weren't about to turn down the offer you'd been hoping to get. "I'll take the right side, if that's alright. I sleep better there."

"You're in luck," Tim told you. "I actually sleep on the left most nights."

He returned to his bed, lifting the blankets high enough so you could easily follow, tucking yourself into his side. "Is this okay?" you asked him.

"Perfect."

Saturday and Sunday night were also spent cuddled up with each other in the same way. Tim didn't complain, and since you didn't have sex, you figured you were still complying pretty well with the promise you'd made to each other to slow things down while you began to learn each other on a much more personal level than you had before.

You were really reconsidering it though.

Monday morning you and Tim returned to work refreshed, coming back from a mostly relaxing weekend filled with old movies, takeout, and the background noise of rain.

You were so ready to get back to the case on that crisp, sunny day that it startled you when you spotted Hazel waiting for you both outside of the department's main entrance, extending her wrists out towards Tim in a gesture telling him to arrest her.

You and Tim both nearly dropped the coffee shop cups in your hands.

"I've come to confess," she declared, as if she needed to. "I killed Elliot."

Tim slapped the pair of cuffs he always kept on him while on duty onto her wrists and made sure they were secure. "Hazel Henley, you have the right to remain silent..."

Within ten minutes you, Tim, and Hazel were settled into one of the interrogation rooms, and Tim was holding up a voice recorder in front of her, flicking it on to record. "Start from the beginning. State your name and explain why you are here."

"My name is Hazel Henley, and I am here to confess that I killed Elliot Henley."

There was a slight tremble in her voice, but you were almost certain it was from having to admit to a crime and not because she regretted that he was dead.

"Mrs. Henley, why did you kill your son?" you prompted, trying to ignore a thickness that started to fill the air, making it a little harder to breath, putting something deep inside you on edge. Elliot was in the room, and he wasn't trying to hide it.

"Because he wasn't mine," she huffed. "Not really. Not at all in my eyes."

You frowned. "You didn't care about him; not even when you intially adopted him?"

"No," she answered bitterly. "How could I? Knowing he was my husband's bastard son?"

Tim lifted a brow. "You knew?"

"Of course I did," she said with annoyance. "I'm not stupid. Roderick was the one who came up to me suggesting we adopt him, nearly begged me. It was obvious. He would've never begged for a kid that wasn't of his own blood. Son of a friend or not."

"You knew Elliot's mother?"

"She was a neighbor of ours," Hazel explained. "Born into her money. Loved doing charity work as a job. The only sweet thing about her. She lived alone but had a way with people. Knew how to intertwine herself into everyone else's lives, make them worship her, or at least invite her to parties. She probably got pregnant on purpose in attempt to make Roderick leave me for her. I got the last laugh. Or so I thought, until the bitch died in a car accident."

"Why'd you agree to adopt Elliot?" you inquired, genuinely curious.

"Because Roderick always got his way," Hazel told you. "I wasn't always a strong-minded woman. I was worried saying no would be the last straw in our already broken marriage. I was trying to mend it."

"Then Roderick died..." Tim trailed.

"Then Roderick died," Hazel repeated. "And I was free to get rid of him before I got too old, before he could get a cent more of our money."

"Why did the canister of arsenic have Richard's blood on it?"

Hazel raised both of her hands in the air, palms down. They were tremoring slightly. "I can't get a good grip on most things nowadays. I needed someone to twist the lid open and pour some into a few smaller jars."

"He had no idea what you were doing?" you asked.

"He didn't even question what was inside," she replied. "He just poured it and left. My ever loyal son. I'm only confessing because he doesn't deserve to be in prison because of me. He has so much life left ahead of him."

You felt a flash of anger lick at your insides. Even though Elliot's spirit had attacked you twice, he'd only done that because of what Hazel had done to him. "Elliot had so much life ahead of him too."

She scoffed. "Playing video games? He was just like his mother. Living off his father's money. No ambition."

"You'd be surprised the money people can make playing games while others watch," you told her. "Some make millions."

"He wasn't," she assured you, eyes narrowing. She turned them back to Tim. "Anything else you need to know?"

"Plenty more," Tim said, "Starting with where you got concentrated arsenic."

She nearly smiled at him. "That's an interesting story, but a long one."

He gestured at her to go for it. "We have all day if necessary."

So she jumped into a story about how she found herself buying from black market dealers.

It was afternoon by the time you and Tim were done with her, by the time a prison guard was pulling her away from you both at the door where prisoners were dropped off.

On your way back to Tim's car you spotted Richard walking free, out of the chain link lined yard, a duffle bag over his shoulder. And Elliot was right there behind him, leaning against the fence, watching.

He must have felt you peering over at him because Elliot glanced up in your direction, and what you saw in his eyes surprised you. Getting justice must have calmed him because his expression was nothing like the one he'd worn either of the times he'd attacked you. It was like the madness had finally been lifted.

Strange how that sometimes worked.

You hesitantly gave him a curt nod and he gave you one back, disappearing immediately after, to God-only-knows where. Or maybe gods-only-know where.

You just knew that a subtle, insistent tension you hadn't really noticed was there before snapped and it seemed like the sunny day had become even brighter.

Elliot was gone.

That night Tim followed you back to your house, wanting to be there as you unpacked and settled back in, even though you'd assured him that Elliot had most definitely moved on.

That had eventually led you to asking him to stay for popcorn and a movie, to which he agreed to readily. It was almost ten o'clock when he got off the couch to leave.

"I'd better go," he said decidedly. "Getting late for a work night."

"I've been thinking," you told him.

"Oh?"

"About our agreement," you continued, standing up to give him a swift kiss on the mouth. "And I was thinking we should amend it."

Tim arched an eyebrow. "What were you thinking?"

"That we just do whatever feels right in the moment," you answered. "Within reason of course. We still have to be professional at work, of course. Even after we tell HR what's going on with us."

"So...no more slowing things down?"

"Technically we've already been in a relationship for thirteen months," you told him. "Just not a romantic kind. And we had our first date. Already have done plenty of cuddling..."

A subtle smile played on Tim's lips. "What are you suggesting, Psy?"

"You could stay here tonight," you replied, placing your hands on his suited chest. "You could show me what you'd have done that night if I hadn't taken lead. If you want."

He dived in to kiss you until you were both panting, until you were burning up inside. "I want," he confirmed, barely a whisper away from your mouth.

You grinned. "Then lead the way."

xxx

Tagged: @harriedandharassed

xxx

Series Masterlist

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#The Rockford Files Series #Tim Rockford Fanfic (Mine)#Merge Mansion Fanfic #X Reader

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hetalia-themagicalmanac · 2 years ago

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in request to someone to put this anonymously out of respect:

I have a confession to make. I'm a hater...or atleast I THOUGHT i was. I did not particularly cared about your blog Until tonight where I was scrolling through Ao3 and saw one of your bed time story fics. I decided to say "fuck it" and read one of your fics. I then went to read the origin comics, thinking it would be a hate read...but...I was laughing. Smiling. And giggling over how cute it was. My favorite parts of the comic was your author notes, being really proud of your small accomplishments in bettering your art. It made me, a fellow artist, proud.

I was once a hater but now fell in love with Mary and your AU. My problem was that I couldn't sleep tonight. I think because I feel like the grinch who's heart melted away and I just can't get this off my mind. So I typed this all up and drew some fanart cuz we have the same comfort character I think.

So uh. Sorry I misjudged your AU and OC. It reminded me of a children's show I use to watch and I liked seeing your progression with your art skill. sorry that this was so long. It's 3am and I literally can't sleep until I get this off my chest

Anyway here's a little something something as a apology. Idk how cottonball would've gotten damage. I'm thinking maybe freak dog/bully encounter on the way home from school

Uh anyway thanks and sorry again

hey! there’s nothing wrong about not liking something at first! sure my comics at first aren’t the best (After all, I was 16 when I started to write this story and i’m almost 24! the reason why my digital art looked like absolute shit was because my mom thought digital art was “fake art” and i was still learning how to master digital art with a newly-acquired tablet at the time) but I am so so glad that even with the flaws of my earlier stuff, it still manages to bring a smile to your face!

about the children’s show stuff...i did take a lot of inspiration from shows like that! some i can name off the top of my head were Heidi (the pre-ghibli adaptation), Bear in the Big Blue House, Mr. Roger’s Neighborhood (my beloved) and now most recently, Bluey!! I think it definitely has in part from the fact my childhood was a mess and wanted to create something that fosters wholesome vibes to heal and reclaim my childhood, especially from the fact i’m the only autistic person in my family :’)

but hey! at least though you were honest! i’ve had to deal with people in the fandom who said I was either “sanitizing” hetalia as a whole just because it was wholesome or a well-known artist (name redacted) who was vagueing about me in a gc when i was at work saying that they hated ocs like Mary because they were self-insert mary sues. but otherwise, i forgive you plain and simple :D

i apologize if this was definitely a tangent but this made me really happy! i probably think petunia (rich girl asshole bully in school) snipped cottonball’s leggy and germany saw that mary was in distress since cottonball is a comfort item for her since she had him since she was a lil baby, and he is a good dad who will fix him up!

#hetalia #hws germany #aph germany #ludwig beilschmidt #hws oc #hetalia oc #literally anon this made me so happy like you don't understand #like im so glad my work had such a profound effect to just make you smile #AND THE ART!!! ITS SO GOOD!!!

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lebihanto-universe-blog · 7 months ago

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Be Irresistible, Click Here - Get my NEW book The Greatness Mindset today! - Sign ... and you said something beautiful it's not necessarily a fight we can shift from and need to be right or wrong to dress it and attempt to understand [Music] welcome back to school greatest podcast we've got the inspiring dr. Nicole de perak in the house good to see you talked about this second time on your on six months ago and people just needed the information so much they're eating it up people are struggling in a lot of areas of their life you are helping them in so many different ways so we've got you back on and I'm just pumped about this because you were just saying this interview we did last time so many people resonated with it in a big way from the video the audio a lot of people are messaging about it mm-hmm and same for us so I was like we got to do more we should do like a series we should do something and you're back here so I'm excited and what's it been like in the last year for you because I think a rich lives in at the beginning of last year you had a very small following not small but you may be 100,000 followers made me write I don't know January January last year I'm probably around that happened pretty quickly I can't remember when I hit the million so I'm now nearing two million it's it's mind-blowing these to me but here's the thing there's a lot of other people that are trying to do what you're doing but they're not growing as fast is there a reason for that do you think like there's a lot of other therapists that are trying to copy your stuff or just trying to like be inspired by it and do their own thing but they're not really growing the way that you're growing why is it what you're doing is taking off whereas it's not for other people in the same way right well without knowing I think kind of what other people are doing or not doing I think what why I'm taking off and have taken off quite quickly I mean numbers started to grow fairly quickly surprisingly so upon my entry online and I the way I understand it is just I think the universality of it the fact that what I'm talking about is so much resonating whether or not I'm talking about all of the areas in which I've been stuck whether I'm sharing my own background and conditioning and experiences or whether I'm talking about the process of healing and all that comes with that I think in all in my whole story I guess I should say there's just points that I think is so universally relatable and when you can see yourself and hear yourself and feel yourself in another human you become attracted to wanting to hear more to feeling understood and then when I shift and I start to talk about the work and the healing I've done I mean I feel like that can be an empowering so I don't know kind of how something about my topic is very it's it's global it's a big topic I think about that often I'm not like super niche down where I just talk about you know maybe boundaries and that's it so day-in day-out talk about boundaries you know I think that with my scope you're gonna find like I was saying the part of my story or my journey that resonates and then you're gonna become likely to connect for those who don't know the the main parts of your story one of the one of the parts of your story that really resonated with people you think yeah I want people to listen to last night we talked more about it but it for a recap yeah main part of your story that you talk about you've had to heal that is a reflection about what a lot of people are going through yeah what is that well the first word that I think we most of us can relate to is the word stuck is being stuck in our lives watching yourself live patterns whether or not they're in your daily behaviors or patterns and you're thinking mine or just being stuck in certain specific feelings maybe a lot of us and a lot of us do logically we're insightful maybe a lot of us have been in treatment in therapy and we might know a way out or

think we know a way out yet we still feel stuck I felt that my whole life having clocked many hours in my individual work before I shift it the way I practice but with individual patients clients same thing that word would come up time and time again you felt stuck I mean I was stuck I feel stuck I have maybe thought I had the tools to change thought I had the insight to change couldn't implement them therapist and I'm surfboard I'm seeing same stories coming in week after week with my clients quite literally the same stories here's the issue I had with my partner okay well explore it insightful II maybe will even come up with a game plan of how to choose a new response in this future fight that of course is gonna happen flash forward to that next week same fight Groundhogs Day Water Kingdom so you would give because I give this one therapy a lot it's like okay when there's a breakdown or a fight the therapist will give a tool to try to like defuse a fight or to say okay let's take ten seconds of a breathing together let's step out of the room and then come back together I will call whatever it is right there's like different tools you can use in an argument or a fight with a loved one or a friend or or anything like that but why don't they seem to work most the time why is that why don't they work when we're having that conversation about what to do next we're in a part of our brain that where consciousness lives this is where we can be separate from ourselves our thoughts our feelings or I do my little like spotlight where we're like this little observational spotlight of ourselves we have access to logic to long-term planning you know that's the part of our brain that makes us human this ability to be conscious to observe ourselves to think about thought beautiful power and gift that we have we're not able to do that in that dress one moment those are the moments that we're having this conversation so a lot of therapy sessions take place very consciously we're I'm beyond some most therapy rooms it's very nice that nice balanced place and so we get it but you're right when we get into the moments where we need to use it we're now functioning from a lower part of our brains called the subconscious which is part of our past I talk a lot about the subconscious the means in which we literally carry our past or all of our wounds live and what causes those emotional reactions so even if I have trouble if I know what I'm gonna do differently we're gonna hey you're my partner and we we love this idea of timeout so when things get escalate we're gonna timeout chances are when an emotion is touched in one or both of us we're right we're shifting right back down to that emotional lower center of our brain and that's gonna dictate what we do and we're probably gonna do the same thing that we always do when we're absolutely at screens create a trauma dissociate I love that one myself is that what you do oh I used to be the queen I used to call my spaceship I used to go away and I got very good at not appearing away so I could still continue but emotionally I was so disconnected from myself the moment my feels you would be there pretty you'd be physically there but not emotionally I never just disconnected most connect so I'd be you know very calm talking or an appearance because I was but here on okay down here there might have been a whole multitude of feelings bubbling up but that was too much too overwhelming so how what's the okay so these tools can only work to a certain point it seems like based on your experience of working with a lot of people one on one and seeing them come back okay we tried timeout we tried this so it seems like the only work to a certain point of our ability to be conscious of the moment right yes is it true or yeah we're there yet consciousness is where we are granted choice otherwise that subconscious is gonna run those same patterns behavioral motion it's almost like we have no choice no choice we are we're

disempowered we are you'll hear me often talk about we've come we become reactive to the environment we live a reactive life toward the environment as in things happen in our world and I only react in the same way typically and that's it makes us feel very powerless very victimized we are a victim of circumstance in that way so how do we change that power this feeling that yeah we have to practice consciousness we really have to I mean change begins when you practice being conscious practice showing up practice observing yourself practice observing all of the patterns not just when it's calm but when it's I honestly don't suggest you begin to practice what it's chaotic practice when it's calm got you so that you can practice when it's chaotic so give me an example like when it's calm how would you be responding in a certain way of love or peace as opposed to hysteria yeah well that'd be like reframed that because I think it's really important and you're not being triggered then how do you practice exactly in a lot of us we eat because oh I only have an issue when I'm triggered right so I'm gonna wait to use this new tool then so we can't just wait till then because we're not going to use something new then we're going to do the thing that was for Miller then so I really am a harbor on the point of consistency and to be just developing a consistent practice of what we're talking enough confidence to that when you really need to be observational of yourself to see why you know that dish that was left out was so offensive there's a trigger right and cream that space then so that distance still be there I still can feel incensed by it because that doesn't go away right away but I might not throw it at my partner or knock it on the floor you know I might choose a different response so it's really a gradual evolution but it starts by practicing consistently all of the time starting in small moments of course because I'm the biggest believer and too much change too quickly overwhelms assistants so you're not gonna your intention isn't gonna be oh I'm completely unconscious so now I'm just gonna start being completely conscious starting tomorrow no no sorry you're gonna start to be conscious in one moment in your day for a good long string of days and then maybe you're gonna try to do it for two moments in your neck and then three I'd say I mean my my girlfriend moved in a couple months ago and I'm so used to a certain routine every single day of the way I like things right and so when she moved in with our dog it was like I had to learn so many new ways of living in my space and our space now and I love to make the bed right away right after I get up she gets up I get up early and I go to the work gym and I like to make my bed right away she likes her sleeping a little longer and doesn't like to make the bed as quickly and I had to learn because we were making the bed quickly and then it's like not being a no I want to be I want to be but I had to like just learn to accept certain changes without reacting and being like even though I'm used to a certain way all the time am i okay with not doing this or it not being done the way I want it to be now they've been in a new relationship and I've been able to observe and practice without getting upset or without getting mad being like okay this is how it's gonna be and if I want it to be done a certain way I can make a request I can wait till she wakes up and then I can do it myself you know or whatever maybe we can create some new type of relationship around it but I need to be willing to evolve and change as well where I'm not always gonna get everything that I want all the time in an intimate relationship is that not true yeah that's sure you also highlighted something very real which is that it doesn't mean that right away you're right on board right you know right away you might wish that she was up and your bed was made and that's okay we shame ourself as humans because if we have that

old reaction or a sign that old meaning immediately we become shameful I should have done that I should it doesn't matter I mean we're gonna have those thoughts they're gonna stick around for a mile we're gonna have those feelings even they're gonna stick around for a while but we can start to create new choices and we don't have to feel badly you know about desiring to live those old familiar patterns it's actually part of being human I have I feel like I'm so proud of myself in the last few months because my girlfriend moved in and it was stressful the first cold months there were so many beautiful days and but then there was like things that would trigger her that then would trigger me how it happens in couple she's a passionate Latina and she likes these we're way too so I could if I remember just thinking to myself like I could easily go back into a pattern of trauma resentment feeling abuse not feeling a sense of fairness whatever my childhood traumas were and there were a couple times where I did argue from that place and I realize this is not gonna work if I come from this place this relationship will not thrive and I'm not saying it's okay for her to come from that place so we're working on things together but I just realized like is it better for me to be right and try to prove my point and argue something or is it better to just listen love come from a place of peace in that moment and then reflect and talk about it later like the next day even though I want answers now I resolve this right now here's why I'm like I want to defend my point but it's been a beautiful shift in my partner since I've been doing that and just letting my ego go of like needing to be a writer of a certain situation it's amazing I'm not saying it's easy but it's amazing the amount of love and I just automatically switch to appreciation right when there's a trigger or something I'm just like I appreciated you so much you're right about that I'm gonna work on this more even if she's not a hundred some writer it's like you're right about this and I can empathize with this and it's been incredible it's so hard to do unless you practice and so what I do every morning is I just shower with appreciation when it's called and I'm like already in that mode and I just think that's a game changer and I'm not I'm not saying I have it all figured out and I have this like perfect relationship but I hear so many people in relationships who struggle and I asked them I was like when's the last time you texted what you appreciate about them so Whitney of what isn't appreciated what could be done differently what you said - really I think beautiful pieces in that which is that I mean first and foremost I want to knowledge you Louis because you changed mm-hmm right you didn't yes a partner change right you said I'm gonna experiment with all I can have a new relationship with this experience so I can do differently and a lot of us when there's discomfort or conflict in a relationship we do very quickly what the other person is this is back to that reactive way of living right if the environment is affecting me negatively that we were describing earlier myself you're my partner and you are the environment that's affected me like I'm late please change so that I can now feel better but change comes within I mean so that was very beautiful that you owned the responsibility I think there's also something to be said about this concept of right and wrong I mean not to go all esoteric but we can make an argument for days about this concept is right is there anything right and you said something beautiful it's not necessarily a fight we can shift from and need to be right or wrong to just an attempt to understand that's it empathize with where the person is coming from where they're why they see that perspective that they are what about and something else I think that is beautiful is your realization that somewhere wrapped up in here was that pass that was very painful for

you but very much alive in this moment it doesn't mean that that this moment embodied the past yes in an objective way it just means that it triggers a part of you that remembers that past right so very really beauty I'm gonna love that illustration that really touches on the work that needs to or that we have in our practice I'm just practicing like I'm doing things I normally wouldn't do but also the things I'd only want to do have never fully worked for me in a relationship you know I just always used to doing things my way mm-hmm because this is who I am and don't change me and don't yeah exactly right and now I'm just like okay even though it may seem a little more time to do this thing or a little more effort here or to sacrifice something else in my life to cultivate this over here if that's what I'm calling a sacrifice just by doing any experimenting these things even though I was resistant to them in the first couple months like him do I really need to go do this thing in my life that I did all the time that wasn't really adding value or spending that extra 10 minutes cultivating this relationship more meaningful it so just shifting the awareness of my life about what I thought I wanted to what's actually more valuable so not to go off on this but I feel like what I wanted to talk about is people practicing when and you're not in conflict and the reason why tools don't work is because I don't think people are practicing enough when there's not trauma or stressful moments and is that is there anything else that could I guess make the tools work except for conscious practicing I guess it's also healing your traumas but how do we start to well that's it actually so the way I think about a healing journey and kind of build it into a foundational pyramid okay with the bottom layer being our physiological body our nervous system about it because to speak to your point that you're very beautifully alluding to which is that we do we carry dis regulations physiological imbalances nervous system dysregulation what's the book the body keeps us cool and keeps us going I've never read about here it's great yeah it's really it's really anyone reading it's it's dense scientifically so I know it can kind of dissuade people away from it because it he does it's an incredibly pivotal impactful book and I definitely suggest people give it a shot but I know that it can be pretty dense the the overall premise is that trauma is stored in the body yeah I'm a believer that most of us have some degree of a traumatic experience in our past I'm a big believer in expanding the definition of trauma beyond that the big t the way we typically think about it it doesn't need to be a physical trauma can be emotional psychological emotional it's interpersonal it's not feeling seen not feeling loved we accept as the authentic being that we are by typically our earliest relationships our caregivers our schools our things like that my best friends or ever you yeah so expanding trauma I mean I throw the net quite wide like I really have yet to meet people that don't take some of the boxes that are in my opinion exactly what's the greatest trauma most people face or feel right now I think not feelings significant not feeling authentic and theirs themselves which began not feeling seen and authentic as being a separate being in their earliest relationships I think we all carry a version of that really because it's incredibly difficult for a human to show up for another human an infant their infant so because the remodeling things directly indirectly so any any conflicts any struggles any imbalances any any conditionings it's not so positive that caregivers a parents you know I've struggled with probably is gonna be modeled in the exact same way and this is where intergenerational patterns happen if you look back in your families you'll see the same sort of patterns you know as you start to become conscious and as you start to observe these your parents and their

parents that this to them and their parents that and if you really want to go into the physiological layer that we're talking about now I mean you're you were grown right as a baby as a as an embryo in a body right so that humans body that's housing this little developing fetus is in some version of physical regulation or dysregulation right so if you really want to go back you know these imbalances are affecting you in development so then you come out and then all of your body and how it functions is affected by the food you eat by the choices you make in terms of how much sleep you got how do you handle stress essentially what you do all day is gonna affect whether your body's regulated or not who do you think is more I'm gonna compare traumatic experiences but whoa who in your mind who do you think would have a harder time the child who feels not seen or taken care of by the parent or the parent who is giving their heart and life to the child but doesn't see don't feel seen acknowledged for their caregiving yeah because I can only imagine oh thank you parents like saying I've given you my life I'm sacrificing my dreams or whatever the conversation might be to you and you're ungrateful you're not loving you're angry you're what do you think is more traumatic the parent trauma or the child trauma I think very equally equally traumatic and I was actually talking about this this morning with my partner there's an aspect of it that whatever the story from the child side and from the parent side that is their truth right there that's their experience oh that's their truth emotionally that is Richard doesn't matter objectively if an observer would say oh no I actually think you did give enough to actually you know appreciative right there doesn't matter because either those parties are living in their truth which can be equally in my opinion as traumatizing and probably chances are that parent when they were a child right probably at some version of that experience similar or almost complete opposition sometimes we kind of go and over a compensation attempt to that so I you know so that my argument then being so now you here to have a caregiver who probably is carrying their own trauma from their caregivers yes and now is carrying their own trauma from having you know a child and then this is where a really big snowball gets created and I think back to the why why now why the popularity of the account I think we're finally at a time and Collective evolution where it's very apparent that these old ways these old conditioning patterns aren't helpful and now we're starting to have the tools the internet being one of them where all this information can come out and be out in the world and now you see a collective evolution happening yes I don't want to cut you off I apologize be said the triangle of healing journey is that a pyramid the body and the physiological ways we are dysregulated or imbalance and then the nervous system because without that imbalance and this was my story for quite some time because I was I lived my life in fight-or-flight all to my whole life and that sympathetic in a nervous system response which means my nervous system as yours does and as yours controls our whole body so when you're in that reach its react we feel very emotionally reactive everything feels like we're waiting for that next draw alright and next draw and everything I mean my water being empty right now could be a straw if I you know if I was like amped up enough living in that really prevented me and this is why I'm so passionate about holistic healing one of the definitions of holistic being of the body also of a whole you know my body I believe soul how all these parts interact we need to include the body because from my life having tools being in therapy being on medication my body was so dysregulated at the nervous system level that it didn't matter if I very insightful II knew that time I need to call this timeout with you Louis I want

it because my body was too dysregulated to give me a change you messed up that's why I put that at the bottom you have to heal the body first is that what I'm doing engage in a process because this is long term we don't make one change again overnight and our body is a decade's long time I mean I've been on the healing journey for some time and I'm still releasing areas of inflammation that I'm carrying in my body my digestive my digestion is still working its way out from a lifetime of digestive issues related to mouth yes yeah so and I'm yours it you know it got significantly better you know and along the way but start by healing the body and definitely if you're out there and you're listening and you have a nervous system dysregulation if you always feel on edge and in that fight-or-flight if you've heard that you have adrenal fatigue now we have a medical diagnosis for it you need to be adding some version of whether it's breath work or some version of nervous system regulation because that's going to give you the balance or some foundation to then be able to dive in and create deeper change okay so the bottom of the pyramid is the body the body look at the choices you're making around your lifestyle how you care for your body is there anything that you can add change decrease and also look at your nervous system and build I do a daily practice of breath work still and I will always do it I just think it's a no-brainer I think there's so many apps and programs and experts out there teaching it because it works it's helping it's powerful and people have been doing meditation and presberg for thousands of years because it keeps them grounded centered calm and not in a stressful environment I definitely recommend practicing it so the bodies first and then what's after that so moving up then to the mind the minds developing consciousness creating for a lot of us it means it means it means creating the distance from our thoughts based in the reality that none of us are our thoughts hmm we believe we are we believe are our thoughts we believe are the story that we've told ourselves about who we are right when I went who are earlier when you're talking as we are all right this is my narrative that's all created it's all created from our past conditioning so even though who we think we are is not the who that we are those are patterns of thinking in our head those are stories that our ego is it's all day long about who we are compared to who other people are who we are is the awareness that sits behind our thoughts so this is what the this kind of tier of thinking mind work is to first create that separation I suggest doing it in a in a meditation practice our goal is to do it all day long but when we're sitting and we're quiet even if we're meditating for one minute which is definitely the amount of minutes that I suggest a new meditator do you meditate for because it's a long time this is difficult for some of us it's the first time we're tuning in so internal world it's not always comfortable in there a lot of us like to run away from it a lot of us spend a lot of our day running away from it so once we learn how to observe our thoughts so by closing our eyes by sitting in a quiet room thoughts are gonna calm that gives you the first experience of being separate because who's watching them you're who's watching them the goal though is to build the bridge and to do that all day long but it doesn't come overnight once we become an observer of our thoughts throughout our day then we get to do the deeper work that I'm always talking about of the ego and the inner child because you're gonna start to see the very repetitive patterns in your thinking that are causing you to then have very repetitive consistent feelings in your body which are physiological that's why they're real - when we're stuck in consistent feelings you know it feels very invalidating to have people to say do well just stop feeling like that alright I can't because

been I've been wanting to blame myself as doing that to people in the past it was not until you really like go through this process you can start to have empathy and compassion for everyone's journey yeah quite literally some we get stuck in feelings feelings are physiological events in our body they become familiar so my story about me in fight-or-flight my most frequently frequently visit emotion with stress was chaos everyday it's all I knew so how long at all how old probably until 37 else oh not very in the distant past I just lived in chaos if you would be talking to me Louis I would say all I wasn't I'm I'm a hippie at heart I just want to throw peace on peace and freedom that's all I want right but the second I would find myself what could have been experience as a moment of peace or freedom maybe I'm sitting quietly somewhere that was so uncomfortable trustful video really it was just it was uncomfortable my body register is unfamiliar you're not used to this so then if no one was around I would start to worry about the thing yesterday that happened or maybe tomorrow right so now I'm creating a change in my body because the more I think a stressful thought the more I release stress hormones right and now I'm having my body's back into that zone of comfort it loves being stressed that's what it knows right person was around me this is where it gets really fun and complicated bringing our relationships into the picture if a person was around me watch out because before I know it if I was in that unfamiliar peaceful space I might agitate the situation before you know what I might be picking a bit of a fight with my partner or whoever's around what are you doing this why this increase the stress back to my zone of comfort that's how I'm used to feeling so that's back to that concept of stock we're stuck because we're subconsciously stuck in our familiarize comfort zone even though that's not the police that's one of the behaviors those aren't the thoughts there's not the ways that we're gonna feel to get us the life that we want but that's what's familiar okay so the more you practice self observation the more you get to see yourself living the also very uncomfortable this is uncomfortable work and you get to reflect and say okay you know on a scale of one to ten how traumatic was that feeling all day or how stressed out was I was an eight all day okay why were you in aids what's allowing you to stay at an aids why are you still Annie why do you stay there what's what's the payoff right what's the price you're paying and what's the payoff you're getting by being at that level what would it take for you to drop at two points or whatever this is how I think what do you imagine what's happen if you dropped it yes well could you create in your life also negative how'd you relationship some of us get caught in a negative feeling as counter to of those counterintuitive as this might sound in fear of what life would be like without right fear of the good things happening it's very complicated why are so many people afraid of more good things happening to them do they think they're not worthy or deserving of it what did you ask me when we first started right what is the trauma the most prolific trauma not being Sene or further off feeling enough as a child Wow so if we have a deep-rooted feeling of not enough or not worthy those are the two frequent iterations actually airings come to us why should they come to us and it doesn't matter if logically you really want that good thing if subconsciously you're an unworthy human being you're not going to get it that's why when people get it they'll sabotage it and I'll lose it right yes so how do we come to a place of worthiness of truly feeling and knowing we are enough and we are deserving of goodness in our life how do we get to that place I usually do in a two-fold process because I think the first layer of the process is observing all the times you're telling yourself you're not enough

all day and stop in that [ __ ] meaning you can't stop it I'm joking when I say that because you can't stop observe it observe it your subconscious is gonna give you that language whatever it is you know we all have different languages that we love to diminish our self around so whatever it is the thing that you're you're a loser you're not worthy whatever your language is place not that four places yeah but you can't stop that so I want to just acknowledge that or this is another moment we could become very shameful frustrated and tell us the works not work why is this still here I know it's there turn it off nope so I observe it being there yeah but I don't you said something important I don't spend that much time in yeah so what mom would still who wants subconsciously this is why I'm gonna stay to fact feelings have an end they commonly go you know depending on who you read or you know how many seconds it is or minutes it is or you know they come and they go we do not allow them to go because I say we bring them up to our mental world and what are those gymnastics for it so if you then repeat so if that thing happens in your environment your subconscious offers you that the reason that that thing happened is because you're a loser right which it probably still will do mmm-hmm you can still show up conscious they say oh you know thank you subconscious thank you for reminding me of that but I'm not gonna that's not how I am that's not who I am so I can now remove my attention put it anywhere else what am i doing maybe I put my attention or my breath just get out of that script stop repeating it to yourself to simplify it because the difference between it going so using your language of changing the script or just removing your attention from your thinking mind yourself in your body reveal the room you're in do those deep belly breaths go for a walk and pay attention to your legs walking as simple as that sounds get out of your mind because the more time you spend repeating I'm a loser I'm a loser I'm a loser now you are gonna carry that feeling you are that home you might carry it in the next week some of us have lived in the past of feelings that have originated decades ago because we're repeating it so we're telling us that story and because then the more we do that the more we scan our environment for more and more evidence so if I something news there happened to me at lunch I'm probably gonna find the loser thing that happened to me at dinner and right before bed and again I can really start a snowball rolling down a mountain and not a helpful way the first thing is observe it observe it what's the next thing remove the focus from it remove focus okay without judgment let me add that part in there that's correct this is where we get really judgmental of course and beat up now we're a loser create a loser thought you know what I mean mmm okay it was there anything out of the two steps are two steps and then remember move focus without judgment and then this is where affirmation work can happen all right if we want to start so that to replace my first we want to diminish the increase I mean decrease the amount of time and the fallout of negative thinking that a lot of us have been over practiced and then we can become impactful if you are someone who like I mean affirmations what they are simply a new thought so then if you do start to practice telling yourself that I am worthy that might have it you might have a chance overtime of actually believing that and then you might have a chance overtime of actually seeing instances in your environment of your worthiness yes but that doesn't work and this is why in my opinion affirmation works affirmation work in it of itself it's kind of called woowoo and a lot of people become frustrated and it doesn't work and it won't because if you do maybe you have a morning routine where you tell yourself some beautiful affirmations if for the rest of your day as a lot of us are you're back

in your subconscious and you're not practicing consciousness the rest of the day your subconscious may be reminding you of how not worthy you are and that's why I don't think affirmations are as successful as they can be so until you start to remove that focus all day long and just be consciously present to what is happening without judgment then you can start to give yourself a chance at believing over time that I am worthy or whatever it is let's refer to believe of your love that you got the body the next step the mind what's after the mo so once we understand so once you've done a significant amount of time observing yourself now you really can dive into the world so like the the the deepest tip if you will over the work is the whole world of the inner child of the ego that we're carrying with us that are coloring our experiences in our environment but you can't do that work as a lot of us want to do until you have these other tools really until you take care of your physical needs the body until you help with breath work meditation calming the body relaxing the body then observing yourself your thoughts why your reactive why things are stressful for you you can't heal the inner child or the ego until you do those first two things why is that well you won't first and foremost you won't be able to see it happen to stress your two because you go I say you unconscious back to our examples right of our arguments I'm unconsciously living in my past in that moment so you can't really see to be observational you need to be there and you're in your content you can't see what's happening you only see the reality at your time what you're feeling you're just feeling in it so I'm upset that you hurt me I'm upset too yes what have you mean right you're not actually observing what happened and what the story told yourself was about the dish go back to that example that led you to be so incensed the dish did nothing in this in this example right the dish is just a dish on a table but but one you saw that dish you said something to yourself you rehearse that you went through some filter that then colored how you're feeling and then what happened next I mean they're abusing me there until you show up consciously in practice seeing observing that you have no idea you actually think that dish was the problem right you're so stuck in it you're unconscious to it so can't be done until you start to develop that distance and that space that I'm talking because even when you're doing the ego work and the inner child work those reactions are still there alive for you so if you don't have that space you're gonna continue to choose those old reactions so as you practice consciousness that's what gives you that space so they can be here and be happening in your world in your subconscious world and you can still be online and making the choices not allowing them to make the choices this alone this part of the same you just could transform so many people's lives just by understanding the process because I think a lot of us try to just do breath work and think we're gonna get healed just think about our ego and healing trauma well the inner child work but you need to do it's like the process is so much clearer and I know you're gonna be writing about this in your book which I'm excited about but this process alone is gonna change a lot of life so I'm very grateful were going through this is there another step to this pyramid of healing or is it the body mind and well then I would ask you to draw a big circle around it and say in repeat for life okay just like a final that's the final piece and that's I joke when I say that wholeheartedly because just as much as I don't know where to start on I want to just work on one thing a lot of people myself included want to hear when the end happens whatever just dunk never done yeah the healing journey is a lifelong journey until the day you die problem and just as much right if you do all this work and you get to

this great place if you stop making these choices if you let your body fall into disarray you're right back into the dysregulated state before you know it right if you stop being conscious before you know what you truly do some others like maybe it's different narratives or different habits that you're now living but you're still living in an unconscious state what is the practice every day then breath work / meditation prayer and then what would the practice be on observing self thoughts in the mind is it kind of just an all-day practice yeah so what I do is never starving so what I do is I show up and I do meditation every day just in a contained way just to keep I mean it's a mental exercise so that I can carry that then practice throughout my day so I I don't know not everyone has to have a structured meditation practice I just think it's helpful you know to have that consistency every day right and to remind myself okay this is what you're you're about Nicole you're not those thoughts that are so some days my brain is much louder than other days all day long depending on what's happening sometimes I have resources to make new choices you know that I want to make in some days I don't I fall right back if I'm tired if I'm hormonal you know sometimes I still react in those old ways so I keep a consistent daily practice as that mental training I said I start my day in peace and then I practice all day long I try to be as conscious as possible I've now learned remember I am someone who I just said a couple minutes ago I spent my whole day dissociated I was on my spaceship so this took me a long time to cultivate the ability to be present in my body and in my moments throughout my day so this did not come overnight and so all day long then it became a practice of I learned to distinguish between when I'm not present I learned how it feels in my body or am I in my interaction it's like I can tell when I'm like somewhere else now cuz everything feels a little fuzzy I feel it more distance I maybe can't feel ground into my body and I can tell when I'm here obviously then I try to make the decision or more all occasions to bring myself back into that conscious state back into that presence so then I do that all day yes and then as I'm journey about my day I am gifted with teachers of triggers you know meaning I you know tell myself stories and I can be observational than in those pivotal moments okay why did this thing that this random stranger said or did to me become so upsetting and then I can start to uncover oh this is my ego still you know telling me this story about myself or oh this is my wounded child who really just wants to be seen in this moment right so it's then it becomes a varied you know experience on the daily but once you're conscious then you can begin to navigate your daily life in a new way what's your biggest trigger not feeling considered by far sooner considered that goes back to that little child who didn't feel considered in the being that I was I was I was rewarded historically over the course of my life for my accomplishments for what I did not for who I was hmm so considered for some reason that's the word that I was for being yeah yeah that's a word that always for whatever reason got attached to that lack of that feeling that childhood wound that comes up now and that's what I'll see myself saying oh my partner didn't consider me in doing this oh this person didn't consider to me when this considerate when they were yeah yeah actually on my way here I should tell you this morning my partner tried to have a conversation with me that I did not want to have and my first thought was she didn't consider what my day looks like today instead of you know and that wasn't true she absolutely knew what my day was like today you know she wanted to have a conversation and I can be flexible and I can just as much say I would like to not have that conversation today because of what my day looks but my first instinct

and still there why should going here know something there's a first thing my subconscious assigned to that I've done a lot of work on that nail so I now know that's not true but I share that as an example after having done a lot of work it's still there I didn't scream I didn't yell you know I was able to you know I mean school greatness don't mess with my morning take a few rest and come back and we were okay but it's still there but that's my core one that's one of my core some ones that comes up and you'd be surprised or maybe not I can make everything an example of me not being concise didn't have a bigger classroom here you do have issues isn't it crazy the stories we can tell ourselves what we're not being seen for considered for enough for or yeah well part of it too and this is where we can also become flexible in our relationships just to keep going back to this when I have such a I've obviously defined the ways in which I accept consideration right which are probably gonna be different it is back to that love languages I'm sure a lot of listeners and now heard about love languages right so I've subconsciously come up with the things that work for me to feel considered that however might be excluding a lot of the things that my partner does do every day that are considering of me considerate that you don't see them because they're not in my equation of consideration so that allows a level of flexibility to you know if I can open up and maybe explore other ways that she very much more authentically to herself is able to consider me I can let that in know so that's another version of flexibility that can happen in a relationship because we all lead in a lot of ways with subjectively what works for us and then we assume the person to be I'll meet to that need exactly the way it works for us and that's not realistic and not always healthy cuz now I I mean can you indirectly in someway or implicitly to change who you are and it's not enough of what you're doing for me yeah and it could be me leaving you feeling minimizing and validate yourself because you could think you're doing this and you likely are but I'm not seeing it I mean this is real life for so many people I always had a stare Perella on last week and we were talking about like the expectations we have for our partner is to be like all things to us at all times you know romantic all the time sexual considerate hmm you know taking care of all these different needs and responsibilities for what we need for what I want for all these things and she was saying like we have such high expectations that we're always going to be unhappy unless we start to change the expectation and start to really adapt in the way you're talking about here I think it's so important to think about where it comes from developmentally a time or place for as humans we actually did need someone to be everything for us I mean when we're born developmentally we are and we are not able to care we are the one species that it cannot care for ourselves so that that need at an infancy time Israel you you are completely dependent having all your needs met on one or two or whomever caregivers of many sort whoever that might be so developmentally though we have to learn how to internalize that process and meet our own needs and a lot of us just don't cuz we didn't have the models to teach us how because our parents weren't doing that yeah I know how do you forgive parents when I know you're publicly have talked about what's the grading boundaries is it boundaries or what's the thing you say yeah you've created a boundary don't speak I have no contact now you have no contact now it's been I think a year or two years or something yeah how do as kids how do we forgive our parents even if what they did was the best they could do or maybe they didn't do such a good job how do we give them either way I mean learned to do that process so that it doesn't keep hurting us I think forgiveness comes when we're able

to empathize or understand sometimes that does come it can only come with distance if we're living in the situation it can be harder to breathe the distance to do this but a lot of times as we age as we just develop physically separate families I'm voting right we can look back and as we gain our own maturity in our own experience in relationship that helps inform the ability to empathize which just means to understand you know from another perspective why or what might have been influencing the choices or the reactions that you may be experienced with in the relationship with them right so once we can understand I think that allows a certain level of forgiveness I think once we're also able to in the process of understanding let me word it this way often what we find is that it was never really about us us us right it was about their own yes their own traumas their own abilities again as a kid we're in what is called egocentric mind our that we develop brain functioning for this way kind of it evolves over time we don't just get all of the abilities that we have and how self-aware or five years old yeah and we go through a very critical developmental age range where we cannot empathize we cannot see a perspective outside of our own everything is happening for us because of us to us that is it it's part of the center of the world we are quite literally and their cognitive Li can't see otherwise okay so that's really problematic because when a bad thing is inflicted upon us by our caregivers we cannot help but assume it's because we're not worthy not good enough what have you all right we cannot do differently but once we've developed a maturity and aged out of that and maybe we do perspective perspective now maybe we can deep personalize it we can see that okay even if it's egregious and who's right we might be able to even trace back you know what had happened to that caregiver that result doesn't okay it when I have these conversations a lot the response I get around boundaries too right is well this your okaying abuse or your okay no it's an end situation I can empathize I can do personalized I can come to the understanding that it's not me and I still might choose to put a boundary within this relationship I still might choose to do whatever I want to choose to do it becomes ad because I can understand this is where I used to struggle a lot cuz I have a in and I have a crazy capacity to understand people and to understand why people do what they do to the extent that I would invalidate my experience of them for so long and then allow them to do what they want to do around me or to me my whole life right so not helpful so I had to evolve into that and I can understand their boundaries and this doesn't work for me and I'm break up with you so my life is gonna now be over here you know and so I say that because empathizing understanding deep personalizing still can allow you to create important boundaries so even if you're able to forgive your parents or whoever we're talking about here doesn't mean that you have to accept them as an active relationship in your life so I feel very forgiving of my family I've always understood why and how these patterns have been put in place and translated and why I've had the experience is within that family structure that I have I'm if you will forgiving of them right and I'm choosing not to have a relationship because for me for now and where they're at with what my choice initially was to step away from the relationship we it just isn't happening in this moment I don't know will be is it because it's too triggering for you when you're around them or you just don't feel you're in a good space in terms of connecting with them again yeah if you wanted it like hang out in for the weekend is it just too triggering for you so in the beginning it was the reason I went full no contact if you try to be because of their the family structure the lack of boundaries tune into last episode I talk all about

it yes that you know being the case and it being triggering so for me to get that stability in my healing I have tried to reengage contact with them now on one occasion I recently actually just sent them a letter to let them know that I'm living out here and it has been met with oh I guess three occasions because I recently sent my nephew a card that was also returned so in little messages trickling my way that they're maybe not interested right now in pursuing that open door yeah so it's not about necessarily I don't know how I would feel in front of them that would be interesting for me now if we were able to find a way back to some sort of person-to-person interaction with one or all of the family member that would be really awesome videotape dad see you know if at some point there becomes you know a reconnection but I have tried and it just seems like the door is is closed on there and I'm sure they're angry yeah of course I can even understand and forgive that yeah of course you know I I know that they daughter does they don't understand of course and I can't expect them to understand Wow okay there is see why am i there any loose ends here we've got the healing journey pyramid trauma stored in the body that's some good stuff right now but I have how to feel enough three steps there that's great I think cuz most people talk about affirmations but it's not enough until you the first two steps yes I love this there's three doing some research on your Instagram lately and there's three posts that essentially did you know three to four times more engagement and comments and reactions and all the other stuff and I wanted to kind of dive into three of these things because I think it'd be really powerful since people need this right now one is how to say no without apologizing I think as a people-pleaser myself from the past and still recovering people please there it's been really hard to say learning to say no over the last few years but I'm getting better and better at it without feeling like I'm letting someone down or someone's gonna be upset with me as a kid who never had friends growing up it's always like I don't want to ruffle the feathers of the friends that I had and so I have to learn how to be like if they're upset and they don't understand there's nothing I can do and I'm giving them my best so how do we say no without apologizing yeah it's hard this is really grounded Louis and a lot you go out of us I mean I totally resonate with people pleasing I've been calling it an epidemic of codependency back to right this childhood where if we're not enough what we do were very adaptive yeah so what most of us do is similar to what you did right with your friends not having much friends you know you became so attuned to whatever you want for the funds that you have to keep those relationships right we do that within our caregiving units our family structures we we find a way to keep the things that we need which are connections with other humans love from another human we are we are interpersonal species that is it we actually need to be bonded together like I said earlier out of developmental necessity and then just generally in life I mean think back to evolutionary days and tribes and there's very real research out there now it the de coeur the stress goes down we are interconnected with other humans aside from the division of labor oh you can help relieve the stress of my objective life just the the emotions and we actually release oxytocin when were connected to another human we need those hormones so we need to be connected so we get very adaptive and we find the ways so if we've developed an in a household right where we're not seen as a separate entity and able to develop connections and relationships with other separate entities in our in our family again I talked a lot about Animesh codependent family in our last talk that's what I've come from we get very externally oriented as what I say right I start to become

so attuned to the outside world so that I can manage how I feel by showing up to friendships or doing the thing or answering the phone call by not saying no so once we come to that realization and we want and we understand the impact that always being available has on ourselves and on our relationship and it hurts our relationship it does because relation with ourselves - yes and what happens I was sadly over time if I always say yes to you and I'm even if I mean no before I know it I don't like you I'm not upset like why are you sitting before you answer yes like not really liking you rejecting the fact that you see me as you but I'm really upset if I really look down at it it's I needed to start saying no how the hell would you know I mean we like to believe that other humans especially when they're our partners are mind reader's we love this idea that people seem right but we're talk about you just all you're never gonna have the same reality is another person so we like that idea so we we say the yeses we and then we get upset at the person so it really is damaging of our relationships and I know I lived the hard way I had to learn how to say no my go-to is not necessarily know with it with an apology I liked apologies I peppered those in my preference was Noah think excuse with the why here's why I can't I need it to validate the reason I was disappointing someone with this belief that it wasn't enough just to not to want to or to feel like it or just to be somewhere else in any given moment so how do we say no without an excuse for an apology then yeah practice I mean it's hard you know it's very very difficult first and foremost it's accepting the reality that you're you have ever you're welcome to say no you're allowed to say no and that's saying no doesn't diminish who you are or the relationship again this is the deeper this is an evolution of work we don't just turn off you know the the belief that I have to say no to maintain these friendships we don't just overnight come by a new belief right so we can practice and I suggest practicing I say look around the periphery right start to say no so what this looked like for me I started to put up boundaries or just say my nose in my professional world where it felt a little easier right so some requests that would come in and from people that I maybe didn't really know it would feel and it's virtual so I can even send an email through my phone which has happened before and run away and come back later you know what I mean so easier for me so I practice there before I practice may be saying no with my immediate family or my partner there's gonna be some sin there might be some relationships that are it might be even easier maybe you do have that one friend that is like casual about it you know you're gonna find the moments of practice but the theme for tonight you have to practice yeah because it's gonna be really hard when you're faced with that saying that no and what's gonna happen is everything that happens in your mind that prevented you from saying that no for however many years you have not said that no it's gonna happen in your mind the second you won't first of all before you say they no trying to convince you out of saying you know so before you know what you're saying yes again right this is where consciously you know you have to say no no pure at the end or no whatever you want to deliver the message being and then on the backside once it's delivered your mind is gonna try to convince you out of that no still oh you're terrible oh this person is gonna hate you oh it's been two hours if they respond it clearly it's the relationship is over right now the work is still on you don't spend time in that thought just like we were talking earlier I'll get the hell out of there but don't expect it not to be there I call them the feel bad the feel bad have haunted me around every boundary I've said set for quite a long time before they diminish and they still are there

every now and again I still find myself feeling bad almost into saying yes maybe I'm even feeling bad once I've said - no but I'm like carrying that but I get to choose how long do I want to live in this feel bad it's not good yeah and a really cool thing happens as you practice you start to learn and see sometimes you do get that feared response sometimes exactly what you imagined would happen that's not positive it does I got that a lot from my family not all the time so if you focus on the moments where the thing that you feared most didn't happen that relationship didn't end those friends still were around and they asked you to come to the movies next weekend that's what I urge you to pay attention to because that's gonna help you keep saying the nose and helping you shift out of the pattern I think if you know it's not the end of the world if someone reacts in a negative way to your no because you think it's so upset that you can unless it's like something so like my wedding or whatever you've told them months in advance or you've given them time like it all depends on the situation but if it's a friend who just like gets upset because you're busy one weekend for whatever reason then is that a great relation to a couple of things that you said on how to say no without apologizing you said a couple responses would be I won't be able to make it and I'm grateful you invited me you're not apologizing thank you for the invite you don't have a reason why mm-hmm you also said that sounds amazing it's just not something I could commit to you right now so simple solutions you can use without having to say I'm sorry I'm not gonna make it I wish I could you know things like that so I really like that how to say no without apologizing or explaining yourself this is another one you posted about relationships but I think is really empower phul now I was in a long-distance relationship for a year and the relationship moved in and things have become more let's say normalized right it wasn't every other weekend where I'm going to visit if she's week visiting and this incredible experience every weekend we still have amazing experiences put it more on each all time and you said this was I think you said I called it normal things in relationships you said feeling bored or unsettled being triggered consistently mourning the loss of single life which I felt that before and needing a loan time because I think it wasn't we getting a relationship that's normal you're rounding to their lot you think you need space right what it why is this such a powerful post that you think that you shared so many messages in response to that post of gratitude of thank you okay I've got people I talk about this with my partner my husband and we're so grateful you make us feel normal we were really worried not like her about she was about no thank you we're feeling these things and we now know that it's okay to feel these things some of it I think I mean first of all the conversation we're having today mostly right some most of it is around the relationships that we were modeled and the relationship that we were in at a young age right so that becomes our model for what relationships should be not all the times of course are we given the healthiest models the relationship you're seeing happen and the relationships were experiencing with caregivers around us appears around us again they're basin conditioning that for most of us intergenerationally transmitted by caregivers and people who are struck you know in their own world with their own issues right so not always a healthiest so I think that's a big part of it you know people just aren't modeled the healthiest type of relationships you know I think that's a big part and there's also like the Disneyfication I think I know but it's like this Disneyland that's another level of message to be like that all the time it's not that way it's also you get to create intimacy passion love like you also in my opinion you shouldn't

make it boring all the time like you get to bring the energy you get to bring the love you get to be creative and care and I think powerful relationships are ones that have caring and creativity I think I heard Tony Robbins talk about that where it's like if you just have a little bit of creativity you can create that spark all the time and if you just show you care it does not to be this grand Disneyfication gesture but just creativity and caring and des will make someone feel seen now is appreciated and enough the thing that is our biggest trauma for most of us right so anyways I love that that post and the last post that I saw that was for whatever reason went crazy he's talking about childhood trauma and what childhood trauma also is which is not just physical or sexual abuse but other types of childhood trauma you said a parent denying your reality which is I think a big trial for people that gets overlooked a parent living vicariously through their child maybe you know the soccer mom or dad or whatever that's always there at the events trying to hype them up because they never got that experience and just not being seen or heard that is trauma for child for children without a trauma is there anything else you want to add to that or I mean that why that's so big for people so so much that could be could be experiences traumatizing in our earliest relationships I you picking up on the denial of reality one I think that's a real again have really met a minimum of people who haven't had that version of experience because reality is subjective so to have a caregiver be able to step out of what their perception of an event was to acknowledge your own takes this level of consciousness that we're talking about and personally I know I was not raised by two conscious human so they were not able to gift me with that so how do you how do you speak to a child who's seven who doesn't have the perception yet who doesn't have the ability to see their own thoughts and observe their own thoughts when you saw an experience happen and you're like calm and relaxed and they're going through stress and chaos how do you communicate to a child about their reality without being like just grow up you know here's what happened it's not that big a deal how do you actually speak to someone in that situation then who has a chaotic reality or stressful reality ask them I can start with as simple as asking them parents I think we'd with telling their kid it and they cut it off or they assume why they think their kid is reacting instead of saying Johnny what is going on you look upset what's happening for you right now you know what's going on for you are you feeling in your body you know what are you feeling like you want to do now just like asking I mean I think that's a really simplified answer instead of just assuming and this happens to I was sharing with my part of the other day one of the most impactful gifts or lessons that I was taught by a supervisor clinically very early on was she pointed out to me that the importance of inquiring especially around concepts that are quite universal so for example I've known anxiety like I've been saying my whole life that's all I know just so happens a lot of people that come into my treatment room or my old office have anxiety right so Lois was bring sure and say I'm anxious oh okay and I could do one of two things I could assume that when I hear you say anxiety well my brain is going to do let me put it this way it's going to a suit is going to overlay my tea my anxiety so I'm going to assume that what you mean my anxiety is exactly how I experience it I'm always on edge I feel irritable sometimes I panic wait I'm gonna make your version of anxiety exactly what vayan is or I could ask so the supervisor really and emphasize the value of not assuming you know even if it's something that you've lived especially when it's something you live ask what that person means okay Lois so anxiety anxiety feels different

for everyone what so Johnny little kid Johnny right you know times like I'm nervous and you know okay Johnny tell me what nervous is for you what's going on for you right now what is making even if you think you know what made Johnny nervous ask Johnny you might be surprised that that's not what made Johnny nervous at all he made up some other story about what happened that's what made him nervous so asking is I think the most within with children with anyone really the most pivotal thing that you could ask any listening with an open mind asking and listening and then containing this is where it's really hard not how you feel about what you're hearing not trying to coach or teacher yeah and not trying to remove the discomfort that you're feeling if Johnny does share something with you that I'm not a parent I'm not going to be a parent so I cannot really I can't empathize with how it must feel when a child that you've born right is happy to feel helpless I can't yeah so that's gonna happen on top of what a million other feelings and as a parent in that moment unfortunately right obviously that's all happening over here they need to learn how to contain that so I can save the space to here and help Johnny because what we do understandably is I don't like how I feel so now I tell Johnny that's not what it was Johnny stop it you're fine anything on and that's not helpful to Johnny so it's that was my childhood my dad saying you're fine with everything yeah he was like nah man pain oh you're fine tall tales which like I was saying we all are traumatized humans raising humans I mean there's no way we don't have to be shameful parents listening moment to feel shameful I get a lot of parents who want the guide book now and how to not [ __ ] up their kids and I'm always a pair of the bad news that you're going to there's gonna be something that's gonna happen here and that's okay if you teach your child resilience and how to process their own feelings yeah they could actually come out the other side a much more resilient human being you know and and things are gonna happen we're humans raising humans that's why intergenerationally there is we're at that point in like I said the collective evolution that we all need to change do you feel like we're as humans more messed up now than ever I feel like the word mental health and the industry of self-help and the industry of therapy is just so much more talked about and bigger now than it was before is it because we're more messed up now or is it because we've always been messed up and now we're just finally using the tools or starting to learn about the tools and talking about it more I think in some ways lifestyle choices that are now being made quite universally are resulting in back to our pyramid physiological dis regulations that are causing symptoms which choices are the I think our food system I think the amount that we're moving or not moving the whole sedentary city life I mean I you know we're in a very big building sitting here filming you know this is unnatural for us humans is actually quite stressful even though I feel very common for a commenter this is actually quite stressful for us humans so even the movement into city is you know it's a stress we have to understand this so there's there's a lot I do believe that shift it just in terms of humanity that is causing symptoms a lack of a major rest you know if you will lack their own so the connection yeah I also think that we're at a very beautiful time for Humanity where we're awakening and we're actually moving toward healing at such a fast rate that I don't see it as we're going to hell in a handbasket and things are just becoming more [ __ ] up or we got me more messed up I actually think we're on the brink of incredible growth an incredible evolution so I think it's that and again but I do think that yeah just the humanity there's a lot of just environments that we're living in that are causing a lot of stress on our systems

what's the thing we need most no matter where we're at in our stage of healing journey what do we need to think about and remind ourselves the most every single day I'm connecting to ourselves coming back coming back home going inward reminding you that there is a self behind it all that you might feel very disconnected from but that's worth getting to know that makes all of this work I'm worth it right as a therapist doing this work what's your biggest fear moving forward with the amount of attention that you've gained in the last year or two years and the amount of attention here to continue to gain do you have any fears around that do any fears of like anything yeah I think securities or yes so this beautifully full circle all right back that little girl who was never considered who desperately wanted to be seen and considered it's one of the most challenging things for me to do and show up for so this has been the case before you know growth I mean this has been the case with 1,000 followers this has been the case the first time I got on camera this has been the case when I hit a million so this will I'm sure the numbers exponentially grow and as I start to do maybe like speak like things where I can see now the people more visually although I have done the googling of numbers of spook myself a book Wow there's that many people in my community right now I've stopped doing that now it's gotten out of hand but a little buffer virtually so I think as I put myself more in front of the people and as I start to kind of conquer ties little girl wants to run for the hills and she's still there when she considers it yeah I mean I'm often joking that I'm getting on the next airplane out of here like holistic but that's that little girl I understand what that is now I don't have to take that to mean anything other than that little girl it's just so unfamiliar being seen so so vulnerably being impacting other people because I'm being seen so long that's that's another reason the impact cuz I'm just being me and putting authentic me out there and I'm being seen and as much as I desperately want that that's scary is uncomfortable so it's not a fear it's more just a discomfort that is is and has always been there when do you feel the most loved when are you considered the way you want to be considered right yeah what makes you feel most considered no feeling uh when someone reflects something that I think I can identify is like uniquely me or me back to me whether or not it's through a gesture whether or not it's because they actually heard what I said I mean this sounds really simplistic but listening in a reflective way where I'm like actually hearing what you're saying as opposed to formulating my response or going down the journey of what Association my mind brought up when you said the thing that's a skill and that's hard and we have to practice doing that so when someone offers me that when I feel like someone is truly present as you even have been this you know interview to me and you're hearing me and you're reflecting back what you heard me say that makes me feel considered huh cuz you heard me something that I said that was uniquely Mayan and you heard it it calls to be a gesture you know where someone like does something that like it's helpful to me makes me feel seen cared for loved for who I am I like that okay so just listening and reflecting back when you feel the most low yeah when you're present and like you just heard me and got me in that moment it could just be a micro moment but I was a human and you were a human and we just had a connection no that's cool and that's what I didn't really feel like I had growing up and that's what makes me feel loved what about when your partner was the thing that she does that makes me feel most loved besides that I think anytime she's present to me fully I think presence is very loving thing that is this presence and it's hard to tell but it's you know so any moment where I feel like

she and it could just be a moment but when I feel like she's we both have a lot going on there's a lot of moments where we're not fully present or at me to where she's talking to something I'm like oh this other thing I have to tell you about you know you know just because a business wise or whatever you know there's just so many places our attention can be so sometimes it's micro moments sometimes it's time we you know consciously carve out to be off our phone and just be us but I think presence is incredibly loving and it's not a gift that we give or it's not the way we love a lot of people or a lot of relationships because we're not practicing it ourselves so before I can be present here with you I have learned how to be present in my own body because once I enter a room now your Energy's here I could be responding to what you're saying I could bonding to what you're doing you know so now I have to learn how to maintain my presence with an external factor that is another human so if I didn't back to this conversation if I didn't practice outside of here the second I come into interact with someone else I could go back into that dissociated state yes that lack of presence so it's much harder then it's much easier said than done but if you can practice presence I think you can give a true gift of love to all of your relationships it's not easy but it's a simple concept simple that's it if you guys want to hear more fill this in our last interview we did together you shared your three truths there your definition of greatness as well so when I ask you that again here now maybe next time I'll ask you to see what's change maybe I'll change how can we support you right now you've got your Instagram you've got your membership where can we go to find everything yeah everything is the dot holistic not psychologist that's the mean of all things Instagram speaking of the membership April 1st you'll probably hear me talk about it next week online I'm going to open up a new launch period for the virtual self healer circle so we've already had the founding members they're all nice and settled in so we're gonna open up another another group for enrollment so I'm super excited let me win every month so every month what that looks like is there's a different topic of healing so members who will join in April will have access to all of the topics that the founding member group has already worked through everything is packaged in a month module meaning we're gonna focus on one area healing and that month we're gonna work for that one area so it can be very much a design your own journey a self-directed pace for people but every month as a full group we address one topic of healing you get worksheets you get PDFs you get a virtual training an hour with myself or other experts that have very generously gifted us with their time you get a month or an hour QA live with me on that topic where I come on I answer everyone's questions live about how they're doing the work or what they could tweak I put guided meditations in there I have a playlist in there a book club so it's really a contained healing experience where we can capitalize on connecting with other people so groups of us all around the world at this point so anyone is interested check out my Instagram you'll definitely hear me talking about it on there there is a website up or I have a waitlist so everyone will get blasted out the link on the first so that's exciting because that's right around the corner and that's gonna allow another whole group of people and healers in there to begin to start doing the work I'm super excited you also have a texting platform where you text out update yeah the text that's on your Instagram yeah everything the Instagram is a hub there's a link tree there I have some free goodies that come out if you sign up for my email list future self journaling so it's amazing everything runs you know I'm a journal yet - not yet not yet but that's what I'm actually it's

funny to say that was in the process this morning of doing some tweaks on the old journal prompts I think when I release a new edition and maybe the journal boy I like it it's amazing I'm gonna acknowledge you again for for being here for showing up for teaching us so much I think your traumas and learning and going through it allows us to heal through our traumas and you by you sharing what you're learning and the practice is for me this is it's a book this interview is a book in itself that we could print off and give to people so I'm excited they dive into this more and it's going to help heal a lot of people and I'm just really grateful for the work you do and you know as your wisdom your the ability to connect to your inner child and really you know have a deeper conversation and share with us how we can do that I think it's really powerful so I appreciate you I'm grateful for you and you're also speaking at summit of greatness so September 10 through 12 you'll be speaking there come out see my little child shake on stage amazing yeah make sure you guys check it out if Corona hasn't taken over by then hopefully it's all settled in the next two months summit of greatness calm you can check that out yeah thank you so much thank you Louis I mean you you've been an inspiration to me beyond just from your personal journey your professional journey so I'm indebted with gratitude every time you have a conversation course we'll do it again soon Garza's love it I'll be here amazing thank you amazing that's great thank you so much for watching this video and if you're looking for more greediest in your life and check out this next video right here when I have to work until 8 o'clock at night because I have to be the best person at my job I'm really hearing the voice of my mother who said you're never gonna amount to anything you're just dirt you are carrying that around with you ...

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