#it still stresses me sometimes when i think hard of difficult is to sell my work because i cant keep it consistent | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

entropy-sea-system · 10 months ago

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1 - Were you named after anyone ?

No, unless you count that some headmates share a name with their fictional or real source if they are a fictive / factive or -kin

2- Last time you cried ?

I think maybe last week?

3- Do you have kids?

No and we don't want any

4- What sports do you play / have you played?

Only tae kwon do, like years ago if referring to consistently doing it. I don't like the idea of it anymore bc sparring reminds me of physical abuse and its too triggering. Have a weird relationship w exercise since we have chronic pain and fatigue, don't like intentionally doing it and even daily tasks like walking leave us exhausted, and even things like going for a walk thats a bit longer than we can results in PEM(post exertional malaise), last time that happened we just fell asleep for over 12 hours once we got home.

5- Do you use sarcasm?

Some headmates do, some don't

6-Whats the first thing you notice about people?

Irl its usually their clothes / accessories or hair, for some reason it feels a bit weird for some of us to look at ppls faces or other things about them especially if theyre strangers idk. And things like voice and how they smell are not things one would notice at first glance (unless maybe you hear or smell them before you see them)

I didnt realise it also includes what you notice online, but I usually recall pfps or urls but if someone changes both it may not be likely Id recognise them again unless their description or bio are intact

7- What's your eye color?

The body's eye color is very dark brown, some headmates have different eye colors in their actual form / how they really look, which is different from how the body looks

8- Scary movies or happy endings?

Depends on how its written, but usually happy endings bc we don't like scary movies as they can make us more anxious when its dark

9-Any talents?

Not sure if hobbies count, anyways nothing unusual ? Not sure what to put here bc everything feels like its either a hobby or just how the body is

10- Where were you born?

India

11- Hobbies?

Art (drawing, painting though we havent done that in a while)(mainly traditional art but want to do more digital art also), knitting, embroidery, watching media, sometimes photography (but less often bc it can be physically exhausting), coining terms and making flags digitally, sometimes cooking (though not often unless we need to bc its physically taxing), occasionally singing (but we don't often get to be alone at home so not often)

12- Do you have any pets?

In headspace, some headmates have pets, mainly bc their fictional source has one and theyre fictives. But we don't want to raise a pet bc we aren't capable of it and most headmates don't have the ability to feel affection for pets. Its similar to why we don't want to have kids.

13- How tall are you?

5 foot 4 is the bodys height, headmates ideal forms have different heights than that

14- Favorite subject in school?

Biology (one of my in sys partners calls me their 'biology nerd' its cute), and maybe English, because I do enjoy writing, oh and definitely Art (not talking about college here but anyways yeah)

15- Dream job?

I don't know if we have one tbh.. its a little hard to actually want to have a job, if it were possible we wouldnt even have one (universal basic income when?) and it seems a little fucked up if we think about what if things we enjoy doing became a job for ua bc wow that sounds stressful. For now we're going to just try to do our best in the field we're studying to be in, but I think maybe doing commissions for art or selling our art sounds doable, especially if I develop better art skills. I used to have an interest in wildlife biology but the bodys parents didn't approve (and so I couldnt pursue any study in that - it would have been difficult) and like I dont know how easily one can be a scientist and still be financially stable or even have a job, but our physical ability has also declined and the topic sort of triggers one of my ocd themes due to how ive seen some ppl talk about wildlife biologists / other naturalists, so its not feasible unless I somehow become able bodied or find a workplace w accomodations and actually get ocd cured somehow(similar applies for marine biology), and even then im not sure it would be worth the burnout.

no pressure tags : @strawbiraptora @sluttytylerdurden @annapoofle @disasterdemi @gehe-lihiyot-androgynos-varda @theconstellarium @gestaltsystem

@carebearbro

and anyone else who wants to do this

Saw this tag game on another post and thought I'd do it (idk if I've done it before, maybe something similar, but my answers will be different anyway)

1. Were you named after anyone?

Nope My chosen name (Allister) however, is from a youtuber who has a very cool name and I stole it (Alasdair Beckett-King, very funny videos and he has great hair too). I adapted it a bit so people in Spain would at least have an idea of how to pronounce it at first glance (hopefully) It has nothing to do with any Crowley (which I did not realize was a thing until recently), tho for a bit I named myself AJ like Good Omens Crowley, but I don't like how it sounds in Spanish...

2. When was the last time you cried?

Last month probably

3. Do you have kids?

No. And I don't want any. I don't dislike them, but it's not for me

4. What sports do you play/have you played?

Judo, karate and football (the indoors kind). All as a kid/teen. Now my brother and I walk every week day and go up and down stairs (when we remember...) One day I want to try to go to a gym to get some muscle, but not too much, just a bit of definition. Also, I'd enjoy doing rock climbing, but not competitive climbing or anything like that

5. Do you use sarcasm?

Sometimes

6. What's the first thing you notice about people?

Irl: the way they move their face and hands when they speak, which then I subconsciously use to recognize people, bc I'm a bit face blind Online: the way they choose to express themselves

7. What's your eye color?

Gray/light blue on the outside and artichoke green/lime on the inside

8. Scary movies or happy endings?

I like both, but I'd rather watch a happy ending. For scary things I prefer to watch Markiplier's scary games videos

9. Any talents?

I'm VERY good at jigsaw puzzles

10. Where were you born?

East of Spain, by some of the best Mediterranean coasts 😁. I enjoy it here, but one day I'd like to live in the UK, at least for a bit, I think I'd like it there

11. What are your hobbies?

Listening to music, singing, making art (crafting, building, drawing, painting, writing, ...), watching media (shows, panel shows, youtube, twitch), video games (rhythm/dancing, platformer, puzzle... Also minecraft, powerwash sim, potion craft...), going for walks, exercise, learning languages (especially English) If I had any good ones close, I'd go to theatres and museums too. And, if I had money, I'd travel. I'm also slowly learning about taking care of plants

12. Do you have any pets?

Not yet. I'd love to have dogs, cats, frogs, snakes... or anything really. I love animals. But I think cats and frogs would be the best fit for me, considering my personality and current lifestyle I've always wanted a dog, but I've only had a turtle and a hamster

13. How tall are you?

1.63m or 5’3”

14. Favorite subject in school?

Biology and technology

15. Dream job?

Anything that pays me enough to be independent and let me do all my hobbies Although, if I ever have the patience, base skill, and required mental fortitude, I'd go for general robotics and/or prop making (for film and/or theatre)

No pressure tags in no particular order (I tried to tag as many people as I could, but apparently there's a tag limit 😅):

@swamp-communism @they-thespian666 @strongsuits @skelesona @shinekittenace @yeetmewithachainsaw @rockium-z @gordonzola-ramen @vampireopossum @libraryfag @frostytheduck @tetostar @xyrnys @normalscientist @dolltwink @anxi0usgh0st05 @piersgender

@mettatonsass @sinfulauthor @flaretheidiot @sneebles-mcgee @pivotallemonade @aroace-genderfluid-snake @monstrousmaws @satanic-leaf @virtualunease @villowrose @handrazedsun @ceiltheoutcast @atroph1k @entropy-sea-system @abby-cat99928 @maroroque @galaxgay

@realyfroggyfrog @angrysheep @llamaflower @ultrabean @sea-salt-sky @queerestqueertoeverqueer @crowleys-queen @foolishlovers @cassieno @crowleys-hips @argylepiratewd @trianglebird4 @sugarplumanderson @underlilithswings21 @crowleys-bentley-and-plants @healingmyinnerteen

and anyone else that sees this, consider yourself tagged!

#entropy tagged #tag you're it #tag game #entropy tags

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meruz · 4 years ago

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once again i am answering asks in a big compilation post. included is... gotham, patrick stump, tips about drawing backgrounds, tips about drawing in general, links to my faq, and infinity train

like.... the tv series? No... I’ve drawn dc comics fanart before, though. But it’s been years since I’ve been really into it. I like jumped ship like 10 years ago when the New 52 happened LOL.

AFJHDSLKGH I’m sorry I (probably) won’t do it again??

Actually full disclosure I have a truly cringe amount of p stump drawings/photo studies in my sketchbook right now LOL. He’s just fun to draw... hats, glasses, guitar, a good shape... but I don’t think I’ll rly post those until I can hide them in another big sketchbook pdf.. probably Jan 2022. Stay tuned........ (ominous)

(ominous preview)

These are all sort of related to backgrounds/painting so I grouped them together even though they’re pretty much entirely separate questions.... ANYWAYS

a) How is it working as a BG artist? Is it hard? What show are you drawing for?

I think you’re the first person to ever ask me about my job! Being a background artist is great. It’s definitely labor intensive but I think that could describe pretty much any art job (If something were rote or easy to automate, you wouldn’t hire an artist to do it) and I hesitate to say whether its harder or easier than any other role in the animation pipeline. Plus, so much of what truly makes a job difficult varies from one production to the next, schedule, working environment, co-workers etc. But I will say that I think while BGs are generally a lot of work on the upfront, I think they’re subject to less scrutiny/revisions than something like character/props/effects design and you don’t have to pitch them to a room like boards. So I guess it’s good if you don’t like to talk to people? LOL

A lot of my previous projects + the show I’ve worked on the longest aren’t public yet so I can’t talk about em (but I assure you if/when the news does break I won’t shut up about it). But I’m currently working on Archer Season 12 LOL. I’m like 90% sure I’m allowed to say that.

b) ~~~THANK YOU!! ~~~

c) What exactly do you like to draw most [in a background]?

@kaitomiury Lots of stuff! I really like to draw clutter! Because it’s a great opportunity for environmental storytelling and also you can be kind of messy with it because the sheer mass will supersede any details LOL.

I like to draw clouds... I like to draw grass but not trees lol,,, I like to draw anything that sells perspective really easily like tiled floors and ceilings, shelves, lamp posts on a street etc.

d) Do you have any tips on how to paint (observational)?

god there’s so much to say. painting is really a whole ass discipline like someone can paint their whole life and still discover new things about it. I guess if you’re really just starting out my best advice is that habit is more important than product. especially with traditional plein air painting, I find that the procedure of going outside and setting up your paints is almost harder than the actual painting. There’s a lot of artists who say “I want to do plein air sometime!!” and then never actually get around to doing it. A lot of people just end up working from google streetview or photos on their computer.

But going outside to paint is a really good challenge because it forces you to make and commit to lighting and composition decisions really quickly. And to work through your mistakes instead of against them via undo button.

My last tip is to check out James Gurney’s youtube channel because hes probably the best and most consistent resource on observational painting out there rn. There’s lots other artists doing the same thing (off the top of my head I know a lot of the Warrior Painters group has people regularly posting plein air stuff and lightbox expo had a Jesse Schmidt lecture abt it last year) but Gurney’s probably the most prolific poster and one of the best at explaining the more technical stuff - his books are great too.

e) Do you have tips for drawing cleanly on heavypaint?

@marigoldfool UMM LOL I LIKE ONLY USE THE FILL TOOL so maybe use the fill tool? Fill and rectangle are good for edge control as opposed to the rest of the heavy paint tools which can get sort of muddles. And also I use a stylus so maybe if you’re using your finger, find a stylus that works with your device instead. That’s all I’ve got, frankly I don’t think my drawings are particularly clean lol.

f) Tips on improving backgrounds/scenes making them more dynamic practicing etc?

Ive given some tips about backgrounds/scenes before so I’m not gonna re-tread those but here’s another thing that might be helpful...

I think a good way to approach backgrounds is to think of the specific story or even mood you want to convey with the background first. Thinking “I just need to put something behind this character” is going to lead you to drawing like... a green screen tourist photo backdrop. But if you think “I need this bg to make the characters feel small” or “I need this bg to make the world feel colorful” then it gives you requirements and cues to work off of.

If I know a character needs to feel overwhelmed and small, then I know I need to create environment elements that will cage them in and corner them. If a character needs to feel triumphant/on top of the world then I know I need to let the environment open up around them. etc. If I know my focal point/ where I want to draw attention, I can build the background around that.

Also, backgrounds like figure compositions will have focal points of their own and you can draw attention to it/ the relationship the characters have with the bg element via scale or directionality or color, any number of cues. I think of it almost as a second/third character in a scene.

Not every composition is gonna have something so obvious like this but it helps me to think about these because then the characters feel connected and integrated with the environment.

Some more general art questions

a) Do you have any process/tips to start drawing character/bodies/heads?

I tried to kind of draw something to answer this but honestly this is difficult for me to answer because I don’t think I’m that great at drawing characters LOL. Ok, I think I have two tips.

1) flip your canvas often. A lot about what makes human bodies look correct and believable is symmetry and balance. Even if someone has asymmetrical features, the body will often pull and push in a way to counterbalance it. we often have inherent biases to one side or another like dominant hands dominant eyes etc. you know how right-handed artists will often favor drawing characters facing 45 degrees facing (the artist’s) left? that’s part of it. so viewing your drawing flipped even just to evaluate it helps compensate for that bias and makes you more aware of balance.

2) draw the whole figure often. I feel like a lot of beginner artists (myself included for a long time) defer to just drawing headshots or busts because it’s easier, you dont have to think about posing limbs etc. But drawing a full body allows you to better gauge proportion, perspective, body language, everything that makes a character look believable and grounded.

Like if you (me) have that issue where you draw the head too big and then have to resize it to fit the proportions of the rest of the body, it’s probably because you (I) drew the head first and are treating the body as an afterthought/attachment. Sketching out the whole figure first or even just quick drawing guides for it will help you think of it more holistically. I learned this figure drawing in charcoal at art school LOL.

oh. third mini tip - try to draw people from life often! its the best study. if you can get into a figure drawing/nude drawing class EVEN BETTER and if you have a local college/art space/museum that hosts those for free TREASURE IT AND TAKE ADVANTAGE OF IT, that’s a huge boon that a lot of artists (me again) wish they had. though if youre not so lucky and youre sitting in a park trying to creeper draw people and they keep moving.. don’t let that stop you! that’s good practice because it’s forcing you to work fast to get the important stuff down LOL. its a challenge!

b) I’ve been pretty out of energy and have had no inspiration to draw but I have the desire to. Any advice?

Dude, take a walk or something.... Or a nap? Low energy is going to effect everything else so you gotta hit that problem at its source.

If you’re looking for inspiration though, I’d recommend stuff like watching a movie, reading a book, playing video games etc. Fill up your idea bank with content and then give yourself time/space to gestate it into new concepts. Sometimes looking at other art works but sometimes it can work against you because it’s too close.

Also something that helps me is remembering that art doesn’t always have to be groundbreaking... like it’s okay to make something shitty and stupid that you don’t post online and only show to your friend. That’s all part of the process imo. If you want to hit a home run you gotta warm up first, right? Sports.

I should probably compile everytime i give tips on stuff like this but that’s getting dangerously close to being a social media artist who makes stupid boiled down art tutorials for clout which is the last thing i want to be... the thing I want to stress is that art is a whole visual language and there are widely agreed upon rules and customs but they exist in large part to be broken. Like there's an infinite number of ways to reach an infinite number of solutions and that’s actually what makes it really cool and personal for both the artist and the viewer. So when you make work you like or you find someone else’s work you like, take a step back and ask yourself what about it speaks for you, what about it works for you, what makes it effective, how to recreate that effect and how to break that effect completely, etc. And have a good time with it or else what’s the point.

for the first 2, I direct you to my FAQ

For the last one, I don’t actually believe I’ve ever addressed artwork as insp for stories/rp but I’ll say here and now yeah go ahead! As long as you’re not making profit or taking credit for my work then I’m normally ok with it. Especially anything thats private and purely recreational, that’s generally 100% green light go. I only ask that if you post it anywhere public that you please credit me.

(and I reserve the right to ask you to take it down if I see it and don’t approve of it’s use but I think that case is pretty rare.)

a) @lemuelzero101 Thank you!!! I haven’t played Life is Strange but actually that series’ vis dev artist Edouard Caplain is one of my bigger art inspirations lately so that’s a really high compliment lol. And yeah I hope we get 5-8 too...!

b) Thank you for sticking around! I’ve been thinking about Digimon and Infinity Train in tandem lately, actually. They’re a little similar? Enter a dangerous alternate world and have wacky adventures with monsters/inanimate objects that have weird powers... there’s like weird engineers and mechanisms behind the scenes... also frontier literally starts with them getting on a train. Anyways if anyone else followed me for digimon... maybe you’d like Infinity Train? LOL

c) @king-wens-king I’M GLAD MY ART JUST HAS PINOY VIBES LOL I hope you are having a good day too :^)

a, b, c, d) yessss my Watch Infinity Train agenda is working....

e) aw thank you!! i think you should watch infinity train :)

#ask #trying this new thing where i tag people in the body of the post instead

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melanielocke · 2 years ago

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Hey! Congratulations on 100 followers!!

🖊 Can you write a Lucelia fic(romantic and fluffy please) with the prompt “Is that my shirt” “You mean our shirt”?

Thanks for the request!

This took a while to finish and turned a little longer than I anticipated, but I always find it difficult where to end one shots like this one Sorry if anything about the publishing process is inaccurate, but the splitting advances into fours is a real thing which really sucks if you depend on the money from your book because of how long it takes. Some authors have had to sell another book shortly after their first just to make enough money to live on. The projects Lucie mentions working on are all my projects, feel free to ask me about them!

‘Congratulations on your engagement,’ Cordelia said when she and Alastair met in front of the restaurant.

She hadn’t had much time to spent with her brother lately and so this evening she’d decided to have dinner with him at Risa’s restaurant.

‘Thank you,’ Alastair said, showing the ring Thomas had giving him.

It was the Lightwood family ring, the same one Thomas’ mother had worn during her engagement and Cordelia was beyond happy for her brother. She was also hoping to get some pointers for a successful proposal.

Cordelia didn’t want to propose too soon after Alastair’s engagement, she didn’t want to take the attention away from him, but if she started thinking about it now, she’d have plenty of time to figure something out.

‘How have you been?’ Cordelia asked.

‘Watching Rostam today while working on my PhD,’ Alastair said. ‘Needless to say, I didn’t get much work done, but I don’t have deadlines coming up so I can catch up later. Rostam still thinks it’s stupid and that I’m working a lot to become a useless doctor as he calls it.’

Cordelia snorted. ‘What kind of doctor would he prefer?’

‘Future pediatrician like Thomas, of course,’ Alastair said. ‘Tom is a real doctor who can treat sick children. Firefighters are pretty great too, Rostam wants to be one when he grows up. So are writers, because Rostam is learning how to read and he loves it.’

‘No place for a PhD in his world?’

‘It doesn’t seem so,’ Alastair said. ‘How was your shift?’

‘Boring,’ Cordelia said. ‘No fires or anything.’

Cordelia worked as a firefighter and sometimes that meant she had emergency shifts, while other days she worked on preventing fires and other emergencies by inspecting the fire safety of buildings. She liked the action, being able to rescue people, but of course it was better to prevent hazards. It wasn’t uncommon for emergency shifts to be slow and boring because she had to wait all day for something, or nothing, to happen.

She talked a little more about what work had been like, while Alastair shared some details from what he was working on.

‘I was thinking about proposing within the next few months,’ Cordelia said. ‘Do you have any advice?’

‘I think there’s no one right way,’ Alastair said. ‘Thomas took me out for dinner to Risa’s restaurant after I’d made my deadline and proposed to me there. A special occasion might be nice. How are Lucie’s deadlines?’

‘That’s the thing,’ Cordelia said. ‘She’s working on her new book, but her current one has been on sub for over a year now. That’s not unusual by any means, but it stresses her out. I have no idea if the book will sell, nor when.’

Cordelia went home after dinner with Alastair to find Lucie on the couch, wrapped in a blanket and aggressively typing on her laptop.

‘Did the laptop do anything to you?’ Cordelia asked.

‘Daisy! How was your dinner? The laptop didn’t do anything, but my agent still doesn’t have any news on Witch and she recommended I try to finish my draft of Shadows Fall, but it’s hard and nothing makes sense and I have no clue what I’m doing.’

Lucie often used abbreviated titles or working titles for her novels. Witch referred to the Witch in the Woods, a retelling of Hansel and Gretel, while her current draft was titled Before the Shadows Fall and featured a witch with healing powers who fell in love with the daughter of an ancient evil. It was a new project she’d been working on in between edits of Witch, and Cordelia loved it so far, but it was a lot more ambitious than Witch and Lucie struggled with it.

Cordelia sat down on the couch with Lucie, wrapping her arms around her girlfriend. ‘Let me see.’

‘Don’t you think this is weird,’ Lucie said, pointing at the scene. ‘Timothy immediately starts insulting Lydia and that’s why they suspect something’s off about him.’

Cordelia shrugged. ‘Maybe he’s an asshole but it takes a little longer until they start suspecting something’s off? You could let a little more time pass in this chapter. Or have him slip up while insulting Lydia so she and Evelyn have a good reason to suspect.’

‘Oh, he could slip up and mention Evelyn’s father, which he shouldn’t know about at this point,’ Lucie said, her eyes bright. She kissed Cordelia on the cheeks. ‘You’re the best, thank you.’

Lucie went back to typing, her blanket falling off of her shoulders and Cordelia frowned when she noticed what Lucie was wearing. A shirt that was very oversized on her and reached past her butt far enough to be worn as a dress. A shirt that did not belong to Lucie.

Cordelia was quite tall and had always had a broad and curvy built, both muscular and fat. Lucie was the opposite, small and dainty, resembling her father in built more than her mother. She was drowning in a shirt made to fit Cordelia.

‘Is that my shirt?’ Cordelia asked.

Lucie turned her head, an innocent look on her face. ‘Did you mean our shirt?’

Alastair had told her once that when he worked from home he liked to wear Thomas’ sweaters, which were far too big on him, and apparently very comfortable. Cordelia had never understood the appeal, she’d never liked clothes that were too baggy or too big for her. Apparently, Lucie disagreed.

‘Our shirt?’

‘Yes,’ Lucie said. ‘This one’s very comfortable and most suitable for stress writing.’

‘Sure. Lucie, you realize it’s difficult to find nice clothes that fit me, right?’

‘Yes. That’s why I ordered some shirts of your wishlist. They’re coming in sometime next week.’

‘Oh. Thank you, that’s sweet.’

Cordelia didn’t always have the money to shop for new clothes, and when she did, she didn’t always feel motivated to look through online shops to find something she liked, so instead she updated her wishlist whenever she felt like online shopping and bought stuff off of it when she could afford to.

‘No problem. You’ll have to wear them regularly for several months at least until they’re worth borrowing. I’ll send you some pictures of what I bought.’

‘How is the waiting on Witch?’ Cordelia asked.

‘It’s not unusual,’ Lucie said. ‘But it sucks having to deal with so much uncertainty. My agent is still confident, and James told me he sometimes only sold books after two years and that he believes Witch will sell. And if not, Shadows Fall will. James helped me a lot in getting an agent, but he can’t help as much in this part of the process.’

James was a literary agent himself, and though he hadn’t wanted to represent his own sister, feeling that would be unprofessional, he had helped her immensely with her query letter, comp titles and making sure her manuscript was query ready, not to mention he’d helped her figure out which agents were most likely to be interested in her book. Lucie had gotten an agent quicker than the average writer with his help.

It seemed like a dream job, James spent most of his time reading books, working with authors to improve their books and then selling them to publishers, but it also meant long hours of sifting through query letters with sometimes insecure pay. Cordelia was glad to have a secure job herself, and Lucie worked part time in a local bookstore to support them since as of right now her writing hadn’t made her any money yet.

‘It sucks not being able to do anything but wait,’ Cordelia said. ‘But one day you’re going to hold Witch in finished form and it’s going to look gorgeous on your book shelf.’

‘I hope so,’ Lucie said. ‘I can’t wait to see what kind of cover Witch will get. I imagine something with dark and creepy vibes, and there’s definitely a forest on there. If it were me, I’d put Gretel with her broomstick on there, maybe Hansel too. Unfortunately, I don’t get much of a say in the cover. Nor do I even have a book deal yet.’

Cordelia pulled Lucie closer into her arms and kissed her own her cheek. ‘You’ll get a book deal, I promise.’

‘I didn’t even ask how your dinner was yet,’ Lucie said softly.

‘You did, I just haven’t answered,’ Cordelia said. ‘But it was nice. Alastair showed me his ring, he’s really happy Thomas proposed. I’m happy for them.’

‘Will we be maids of honor during their wedding?’ Lucie asked.

‘I haven’t asked,’ Cordelia said.

‘Ask Alastair when we can go pick out dresses,’ Lucie said. ‘Between him and Thomas he has the better fashion sense. Will Eugenia and Kamala be bridesmaids too? Maybe we can all go dress shopping together.’

‘I’ll text Alastair,’ Cordelia said. ‘But I don’t think he and Thomas have started wedding planning yet. They want to enjoy their engagement first and Thomas’ work is a lot less busy now that it is summer.’

Apparently the pediatric ward and ER tended to be a lot fuller in winter due to all the seasonal viruses that could make babies very sick and his out patient consultations weren’t as busy either due to lots of people being on vacation. Cordelia had considered going into medicine for a moment too, something like emergency medicine had appealed to her, but she hadn’t looked forward to going to med school and she was quite satisfied with her choice working as a firefighter instead.

‘Wouldn’t that give them more time for wedding planning?’

‘Perhaps, but I think Alastair likes attention from Thomas, and prefers to spend more time together now that Thomas’ days aren’t as long. Not unlike someone else I know.’

Lucie rolled her eyes. ‘Okay. But when we get engaged, you’re not stopping me from looking at dresses and arrangements online all day when I should be writing.’

When we get engaged… Cordelia liked the sound of that. It meant she could plan something, surprise Lucie by asking her while still knowing Lucie was very likely to say yes.

‘In that case, you should finish this chapter,’ Cordelia said. ‘So you don’t get behind on deadlines by the time you start looking at dresses. I’ll make tea.’

Cordelia lacked the patience her mother had in the kitchen, but she had learnt her mother’s method of brewing tea. Most days she used tea bags, but she did occasionally make Persian tea with rose petals the way her mother did. Usually when she had guests, but today was as good a day as any. She couldn’t imagine the stress of Lucie’s situation, not knowing if your book was ever going to be published, and all Cordelia could too was support and encourage her and occasionally give some feedback on what Lucie was writing. She’d always inspired Lucie and one of her early stories had been an epic featuring the beautiful hero Cordelia, who had had a dozen love interests who’d all died. This all had happened before Lucie had figured out she liked Cordelia romantically, and long before Cordelia had realized she was bisexual. Nowadays, most of Lucie’s books featured queer characters and couples.

‘I finished the chapter,’ Lucie announced once Cordelia finished the tea. ‘Now, for the next chapter I’m thinking Evelyn goes to investigate Timothy, because this time she has a genuine reason to suspect something, and she will find a small statue depicting her father, indicating Timothy worships him.’

‘Oh, that’s interesting,’ Cordelia said. ‘And will they suspect everyone in the rebel village is worshipping Astor, or just him?’

‘At first, just him, especially since Cora turns against him,’ Lucie said. ‘But a little later Cora will try to kill Lydia since with her there, they can never bring Evelyn over to the dark side.’

‘Maybe take a break for today and drink some tea?’ Cordelia suggested. ‘I’m sure you’ve made lots of progress today already, don’t overdo it.’

‘I’m working tomorrow so I won’t have as much time to write,’ Lucie said. ‘Can’t stop now.’

Lucie wrote for another hour, with Cordelia occasionally helping her in her train of thought. She hoped the novel would be finished soon, Cordelia was always the first to read anything Lucie had finished.

Cordelia had the day off the next day while Lucie worked at the bookstore so she spent the day doing errands around the house. Sometime in the afternoon, a package arrived with the shirts Lucie had ordered for her and Cordelia decided to change into one, Lucie would like the surprise.

Lucie called late in the afternoon and Cordelia immediately picked up, worried something might have happened. Lucie was usually not one for phone calls. Neither was Cordelia, to her phone calls meant emergencies.

‘Lucie, are you alright?’ Cordelia immediately asked when she picked up.

‘Relax,’ Lucie said. ‘Nothing’s wrong. I wanted to call you because I just received a call from my agent. She’s still negotiating the contract, but Tor Teen has made an offer on Witch. Which means I’m very likely to get published!’

‘That’s amazing! Have they given any details on the contract yet?’

‘Not much, since my agent is trying to negotiate the best possible deal,’ Lucie said. ‘She said the offer for the advance was 20.000 dollars, but it might get a little higher. It’s not much considering it’ll be split in four, but it’s not unusual for an advance.’

‘Wait, split in four?’

‘One fourth on signing, one on delivery of the complete manuscript, one on publication and one on paperback publication which happens a year after publication. And publication might still be a few years. But I’ll keep working in the book store. Mostly, I’m just really happy someone’s made a decent offer and that my book is going to be published!’

‘Of course,’ Cordelia said. ‘That is amazing. Do you want to celebrate when you get home? I can bake something.’

‘Sure, if you have the time,’ Lucie said.

‘I have the day off, of course I have time,’ Cordelia said. ‘I’m going to bake a cake.’

‘I need to get back to work,’ Lucie said. ‘See you in two hours!’

Cordelia counted all the cake ingredients she had at home and ran for the grocery store for anything she didn’t have. Lucie had gone vegan not long ago, but it turned out that with a proper recipe, vegan baking wasn’t so hard and Cordelia was not a good enough cook to be baking or cooking anything without a recipe anyway. Thomas, who’d gone vegan alongside with Lucie, was a more proficient cook and often shared his recipes.

The cake was in the oven, another half an hour to go, when Lucie came home in the evening. Cordelia immediately pulled her into a hug, kissing her.

‘Congratulations!’ she said when they broke apart.

‘Thank you. I’m so excited, I’m not sure I’ll be able to sleep tonight.’

‘So what happens after now?’ Cordelia asked. ‘I know publishing is slow, but I honestly have no clue what to expect.’

‘Well, first they’ll want to edit it to make it the best book it can be, so the editor who acquired it will go over it and give me their notes, and then I’ll go back and finish it. In the meantime, I’ll continue Shadows Fall and hopefully I can send a first draft over to my agent before I get the letter and edit Witch. After that, I think more line edits for grammar, sentence structure, stuff like that. And then at some point there will be a cover made, a release date. But I’m honestly not sure how long that’ll be. I’m willing to be patient, the only thing is that I also have to wait to get paid.’

‘Who even came up with advances being split in so many installments?’ Cordelia asked.

‘Publishers,’ Lucie said. ‘It’s becoming more and more the standard, unfortunately. Writing isn’t really the kind of job you can live on anymore. Nevertheless, I’m going to keep doing it.’

‘It’s what makes you happy,’ Cordelia said. ‘I hope getting published is as great as you’d always imagined.’

‘I hope so too,’ Lucie said. ‘I can see you’re wearing our new shirt, by the way. It looks so cute on you.’

Cordelia raised an eyebrow. ‘Our new shirt?’

‘Don’t worry, I won’t wear it for another couple of months at least. How is your cake anyway? I’m starving.’

Taglist: @alastaircarstairsdefenselawyer @life-through-the-eyes-of @styxdrawings @justanormaldemon @ipromiseiwillwrite @a-dream-dirty-and-bruised @amchara @all-for-the-fanfiction@imsoftforthomastair @ddepressedbookworm @queenlilith43 @wagner-fell @cant-think-of-anything @laylax13s @tessherongraystairs @boredfangirl16 @artist-in-soul

#Cordelia Carstairs #Lucie Herondale #Lucelia #Alastair Carstairs #the last hours #modern au #fanfiction #fic request #nina's 100 follower celebration

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agirldying · 2 years ago

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upon anon request i'll share some updates with me:

idk if i mentioned this b4 but i'm getting an apartment with my boyfriend in august and i'm more excited than i can explain! it's a 2 bedroom 2 bathroom apartment about 10 minutes from our campus and the place is super clean and modern! we're both excited to not only get away from stressful/noisy roommates but to live together. I'm also glad that we have our own bedrooms because I think having the opportunity for privacy will be super useful, especially since we're both on the spectrum on some level. it is a little soon admittedly (we will be together for 10 months when we move in together), and move-in will be the first time our families fully meet, but I wouldn't do this if I wasn't confident that my boyfriend is a perfect match and has consistently proven that to me.

i also made a poetry chapbook last semester and it just came in the mail today from my professor! i want to find some way to make copies of it (I taped my art to it after it was officially printed) so I can maybe sell some or just make it publicly accessible. It was really cool to learn how to make my own book, formatting book folds through word and being mindful about how pages will print (first paper will be pages 1 and 29, then 2 and 28, etc) as well as looking into cover paper like cardstock. I decided to call the chapbook A Girl, Dying, and my author bio mentions this blog!

i'm currently taking journalism 101 which is kinda interesting but asynchronous makes it really hard to feel motivated to complete assignments. Thankfully all assignments are due friday nights so I just do my hw on friday mornings if not thursdays. i'm doing alright so far, I have like an 86 so I'm not mad about that as a B student.

umm what else... it's still mentally difficult to be home now that i've processed all the trauma i experienced at home when i was away in college, and it's especially difficult to sleep in the same bed where, you know, some things happened. so i'm just trying to stay occupied or dissociated or a combination of the two. therapy starts sometime this week for me but it's unclear when yet, i'm waiting for the counseling services to clarify a date and time. i really feel like i need it asap especially because my existential ocd is just getting progressively worse and I had a scary panic attack for the first time a few days ago. the existential ocd is also feeding into my dpdr so i'm honestly struggling to stay on earth mentally.

i think something that could not only help ground me but heal my cptsd is dance therapy, and i pitched it to my parents the other night and they were both in enthusiastic support so hopefully that'll be arranged soon. i'm in no way a dancer but ofc that's not the point. i just want a safe space where im encouraged to move however feels most liberating, surrounded by others with similar difficult backgrounds doing the same thing. i think that could make me feel way more confident in my body (my abuser was the only person in my life to tell me my body was nothing to be proud of, whereas literally everyone else who has seen my body essentially tells me i could be a model lmao).

in lighter news i have been playing wizard101 lately and reached karamelle yesterday (i'm stuck on gobbsmacked tho) but my necromancer reached lvl 150. my diviner reached level 50 something and is in celestia, and i have a life wiz in krok named mary jade leaf in homage to that good kush.

I've also been getting into strawberry hospital and dltzk since 100 gecs turned me onto that whole genre. Click previous hyperlink to see what I've been listening to non-stop.

I think that's pretty much it. i guess i'll keep this up since i've posted updates in the past. thanks for reading :3

#text #update

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whatwillyoudodifferently · 4 years ago

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Look, Louts! Lilies! - Yuri For A Hope-Flung Present and Hopeful Future

Look, I’ll be frank. I typically try to keep to a more formal tone when I write for this blog. I’m not in a formal mood. It is June October 2020, and I, like the rest of you, have been under quarantine for a little over three almost seven months now due to the Covid-19 virus. Throw in a eensy, teensy bit of massive political movements and change in response to police violence and racism, and an increase of police violence and racism in response to those movements, and I think it’s fair to say it’s been a tumultuous couple of months. Except, strangely, it also hasn’t been, because so much of this time has been characterized by ennui and isolation. Stressful, yet soul-numbing. In short, it’s been a very weird place to be in.

So, we’ve all found our different ways to cope. My sister’s way has been getting really into succulents(?), and my way has been buying digital manga and video games. I’ve finished stuff I’ve put off for literal years and bought stuff I had heard was good but wasn’t that hyped to get into. And somehow, the one thing I’ve really gotten into has been yuri?

Now, yuri has a very long and rich history, as well as its own sets of conventions and nuances, so it is with a great, great, GREAT deal of respect that I say that I’m going to simplify it for this essay as “Japanese media with a particular focus on romance between women” for brevity’s sake. If you want to know more, there’s actually quite a lot that’s been written about it in English, but I’m aiming this essay at English-speakers who have had at least a little experience with yuri and more than just passing knowledge.

Because you see, I’ve found that yuri fans have a lot of things to say about yuri! And a lot of those things really bug me!! “Yuri is only fetish quasi-porn written by men,” “yuri is only bland wholesome fluff,” “yuri is only high school drama,” so on, so on. It made me mad, but it also made me realize something: a lot of people simply must not know how big this field of lilies truly is! How else can we get people saying “yuri is oversexualized” and “yuri is sexless” as gospel truth? Something’s not adding up here, guys!

So, all that is to say I’m doing something different for this blog: I’m writing up a recommendation list of yuri. A large chunk of it will be stuff I’ve read and can officially give my seal of approval to, while some of them are just titles I’ve heard of that I think will interest others. All of them have been specifically chosen to counter common untrue things I’ve heard about yuri as a whole. I hope you can find at least a few things on this list that you will enjoy and help you keep your head as the encroaching darkness lurches yet a few inches closer!

1. “Yuri is all schoolgirl stuff! Where’s the sci-fi, the period pieces, the action, the fantasy?”

Otherside Picnic

What It Is: A light novel series written by Iori Miyazawa (illustrated by shirakaba). Ongoing, four volumes at time of writing. The story is being adapted into a manga by Eita Mizuno, and an anime adaptation directed by Takuya Satou will be airing in January 2021.

What It’s About: It was on her third trip to the Otherside that Sorawo Kamikoshi almost died, and it was on that same trip she was saved by an angel. Toriko Nishina is a beautiful and confident young woman who also happens to have intimate knowledge of the Otherside, a dangerous yet captivating world that Sorawo can’t help but being drawn to. Toriko convinces Sorawo to join her on her expeditions to the Otherside, fighting off bizarre creatures that have somehow been ripped out of Japanese urban legends and finding strange artifacts in order to make a little extra cash-- all the while keeping an eye out for someone dear to Toriko’s heart.

What I Think: Otherside Picnic is heavily inspired by the novel Roadside Picnic by Arkady and Boris Strugatsky and features several creatures and scenarios from ghost stories, net lore, and-- there’s no other way to put this-- creepypasta. On paper this sounds deeply unoriginal, so it’s pretty surprising that OP has an incredibly strong identity. The idea of fusing horror with a yuri love story excited me enough the moment I heard about it, so when I finally got to read it for myself, I was delighted to find that the horror elements and the romance elements are both quite strong.

I will say that thanks to the author’s commitment to following his sources of inspiration to the letter sometimes causes him to undercut his own writing (good example: in one arc there’s an ominous train that keeps being mentioned, causing the reader to dread its arrival with each passing page, but seeing what’s on the train will inevitably fall flat in comparison to the reader’s imagination), but those moments are made up by the more original moments-- the things that are left unseen and unexplained.

The place where the story truly shines is the relationship between the two leads. Sorawo and Toriko are great characters, both incredibly charming and deeply flawed, and they achieve a great chemistry with each other right off the bat. Sorawo is a very interesting protagonist, one who turns out to have a deeply tragic past that has made her into a reclusive, somewhat selfish young woman. What’s great is that Toriko, vivacious and confident, everything Sorawo isn’t, accepts this part of her, in a way. Toriko flat out admits she’s not looking for a particularly virtuous person to accompany her, but an “accomplice.” A big part of the appeal of OP is seeing these two “accomplices” bounce off each other, and eventually come to care about each other, all playing against a background of some genuinely spine-crawling horror. Otherside Picnic is a truly underrated series, and I deeply hope that the anime adaption next year will finally get it all the eyes it deserves (menacing phrasing very much intended).

Where To Get It: The light novels are published by J-Novel Club and can be found via various digital platforms and bookstores. The manga will be published by Square Enix Books starting May 2021. The anime will start airing on January 4th, 2021.

Goodbye My Rose Garden

What It Is: A manga by Dr. Pepperco. Three volumes, complete. It inspired a stage play that ran for a while in Japan, but not much information is available about it in English.

What It’s About: Hanako has two goals: to meet Victor Franks, the mysterious author who pens the books she adores, and to become a writer herself. Despite having the mettle to travel to England on her own to pursue her dreams, she soons finds that it’s difficult for a young, unwed Japanese woman to dream in 20th century London. However, her luck seems to turn around when she meets Alice Douglas, a noblewoman who offers her a job as her maid-- as well as a surprisingly warm friendship. Alice even offers Hanako a way to meet her idol… but at the price of a horrifying request.

What I Think: In the afterword of Volume 1, Dr. Pepperco openly admits that Goodbye, My Rose Garden was the result of them trying to marry all of their favorite tropes (“Victorian maids! Loads of frills! An English family manor!” are some standout items), and this is apparent in the best way possible. GMRG is a lush period piece that will likely appeal to fans of movies like The Handmaiden and Portrait Of A Lady On Fire, with loving attention paid to details like clothes and settings.

The relationship between Alice and Hanako is quite charming, with Alice supporting Hanako as much as she can while still taking every available opportunity to tease her, while Hanako constantly surprises Alice each time she shows her moxie and strength. It’s an adorable, sweet dynamic, yet a dark, melancholy weight lurks in the background in the form of Alice’s request-- in short, it’s a relationship that feels tailor made for me. Still, I believe this “darkness” never threatens to overwhelm the story, only enhance it in such a way that the reader will soldier on, hoping for a happy ending for our two leads. With an engaging plot and gorgeous art, this is a great manga for both longtime yuri fans and newcomers looking for an introduction to the world of yuri.

Where To Get It: Seven Seas Entertainment has translated the first two volumes, with the final one coming to English soon all three volumes into English.

Seabed

What It Is: A visual novel by paleontology, a Japanese doujin circle.

What It’s About: Mizuno Sachiko is a designer who is haunted by visions of Takako, her vivacious childhood friend and former lover. Narasaki Hibiki is a psychiatrist who wants to help Sachiko make sense of these hallucinations. Takako is… confused, trying to figure out why she keeps losing her memory and why she and Sachiko drifted apart despite being so close. Seabed is a story that spans the pasts and presents of these three women as they attempt to find and understand the truth.

What I Think: At first glance, Seabed seems simple, but it’s a bit of a hard story to explain. In a way, there isn’t much to explain-- it’s a very slow, down-to-earth story that gets almost tedious at times. I think it would be a hard sell to someone who isn’t used to visual novels, but I could imagine it being challenging even for fans. All I’ll say is this: if you give Seabed a chance, it will draw you into a surreal, gentle, melancholy tale akin to slowly sinking beneath the water of a strange, yet not unfriendly sea. For its simplicity, it’s got quite a few surprises in its long, long runtime, and any attempt to explain further will just ruin an experience that’s meant to wash over the reader over time. The only thing I’ll say is the one thing I think everyone knows: the climax will make you cry.

Where To Get It: Seabed is published in English through Fruitbat Factory and is available on Steam, Itch.io, and Nintendo Switch.

SHWD

What It Is: A manga by Sono. Ongoing.

What It’s About: Sawada is one of the few women working for the Special Hazardous Waste Disposal, and the only one in her office. But that changes when the stunningly-strong yet staggeringly-sweet Koga is hired, and the two become close in no time. Sawada trains Koga and soon the two go on their first mission to dispose of the “hazardous waste” left after a recent war… the dangerous, organic anti-human weapons known as the Dynamis.

What I Think: SHWD opens with several close-ups of Sawada’s arm muscles as she works out. I have found that page alone is sometimes enough to convince someone to read SHWD, and if not, pictures of Sawada and-- especially-- Koga are often enough to do the job. In all seriousness, what I love about SHWD can be summarized by something Sono said in an interview about the manga:

‘The first motivating force was "I want to write a yuri manga featuring strong women." I was very drawn to strong female characters by watching "PERSON of INTEREST" and "Assassin's Creed Odyssey." However, I felt that I should differentiate myself by doing something other than a "strong woman" and "weak woman" dynamic. So, I thought about coupling women with different types of strength. This is why all of the SHWD main characters are "strong women."��

It’s a mindset I love a lot. Koga is remarkably strong in a physical sense, but her mental fortitude is fragile due to her past experiences with the Dynamis, and as such, it’s Sawada who uses her immense mental strength to support her. Indeed, every character in SHWD so far bears intense trauma born of the Dynamis in some way, and it’s hard to see how their pasts still hurt them in the present. But that just makes it satisfying to see these women come together to support one another. SHWD drew me in with a unique and often dark action-oriented story with horror elements, but it’s this idea of “strong women” who make up for each other’s weaknesses that really makes it dear to me.

Also, it can’t be stated enough that Sono is so so so so so (etc) good at drawing muscular women.

On a completely unrelated note, there’s a side story about Koga and Sawada playing sports together. This includes judo. I am saying this for no reason.

Where To Get It: The English translation of the manga is released in chapters by Lilyka Manga.

Sexiled: My Sexist Party Leader Kicked Me Out, So I Teamed Up With a Mythical Sorceress!

What It Is: A two volume light novel series by Ameko Kaeruda, illustrated by Kazutomo Miya. Possibly complete.

What It’s About: Tanya Artemiciov is an absurdly talented Mage. So why the hell was she kicked out of her adventuring party? Her leader and former friend sums it up in four words: “You’re a woman, Tanya.” In a fit of rage, Tanya channels her anger into a “venting” session that involves swearing her head of and casting a volley of Explosion spells into the wasteland… and accidentally releases a legendary sorceress! Luckily, Laplace is actually quite nice, and just as powerful as the legends say, so the two decide to team up so Tanya can have her revenge!

What I Think: So, this is a silly one, but after a couple of darker entries I think it’s a good palate cleanser. Sexiled is a loud, not-even-remotely subtle, unabashedly feminist take on the “power fantasy” light novel, especially the “revenge fantasy” subgenre-- and even if that sounds awesome on paper to you (ex. me), it will probably feel over-the-top at times to you (ex. me). But in a way, that’s actually kind of its charm.

I like that Kaeruda utterly refuses to let up on what she wants to tell you, especially because the story was inspired by a real case in Japan. One may be tempted to think “this story is ridiculous, no one would ever be this cartoonishly sexist!” and then you read a news article about how in a famous Japanese medical university was found rigging the test scores of women, and you realize, “oh, people are still this cartoonishly sexist.” So I’m fine with Kaeruda letting it all out in this story. At the same time, I think Sexiled is best when it’s focused not on Tanya’s revenge but on her kindness, and the way her compassion, her strength, and yes, her anger inspires the women and girls around her.

Sexiled is a fun and often very funny romp about assholes getting theirs, with some surprisingly deep and nuanced moments hiding in a very unsubtle story.

Where To Get It: The light novels are published by J-Novel Club and can be found via various digital platforms and bookstores.

BONUS: Other titles with sci-fi/fantasy/action elements that may interest you!

The Blank Of Describer: A one-shot manga by kkzt about a pair of two dream-builders. They’ve taken all kinds of commissions in the past, but one job they recieve throws them for a loop: a request for a shinigami that can predict and report death. And then comes the kicker: the customer asks the two of them to give it features that the both of them “adore the most…” (Published in English by Lilyka Manga)

A Lily Blooms In Another World: A light novel by Ameko Kaeruda (illustrated by Shio Sakura), author of Sexiled, about Miyako, a Japanese wage slave reincarnated into another world based on her favorite otome game. However, she’s not interested in her would-be love interest, but in Fuuka Hamilton-- the game’s villainess! After Miyako confesses her love, Fuuka decides to give her a challenge: if Miyako can make her say the words “I’m happy” in fourteen days, she’ll stay by her side! (Published in English through J-Novel Club, available on various platforms)

Superwomen In Love: An ongoing manga by sometime about the sentai villainess Honey Trap and her infatuation with the masked superheroine Rapid Rabbit. After being kicked out of her evil organization, Honey Trap decides to team up with her former nemesis to fight evil-- and hopefully, find romance! (To be published in English by Seven Seas Entertainment, coming in April 2021)

2. “Yuri is all stories about teenagers! Where’s the stuff about adults?”

Take a look at the previous section: there’s the stuff about adults! Otherside Picnic, Goodbye My Rose Garden, Seabed, SHWD, Sexiled, The Blank of Describer, A Lily Blooms In Another World, and Superwomen In Love are all stories with adult-aged protagonists! But if you’re searching for a more down-to-earth romance, I’m happy to report there’s quite a bit of options to look into!

Still Sick

What It Is: A manga by Akashi. Three volumes, complete.

What It’s About: Makoto Shimizu is an office lady with a secret: she’s a yuri fan who draws doujinshi. She’s able to keep her two lives separate, all until the day she comes face-to-face with her co-worker at a convention! To Makoto’s horror, Akane Maekawa is amused by her nerdy secret, but Akane may have some secrets of her own...

What I Think: This one was a roller coaster for me: I loved the premise of the manga, but wasn’t sure about the dynamic between the leads… that is, until near the end of the first volume, where something happened and everything changed. Without giving too much away, I implore people to give Still Sick a chance-- it has a much deeper story than one might initially guess, as well as an interesting character dynamic between the two leads with some surprising turns.

Where To Get It: The first two volumes of Still Sick are published in English by Tokyopop, with the final one coming soon All three volumes have been published in English by Tokyopop.

After Hours

What It Is: A manga by Yuhta Nishio. Three volumes, complete.

What It’s About: After being ditched by her friend at a club, Emi Ashiana is ready to write the whole night off. All that changes when she meets Kei, a DJ who seems to be everything Emi is not-- cool, confident… employed.... But Kei and Emi hit it off and Emi’s life changes as Kei draws her into the world of Japan’s club scene!

What I Think: It’s hard to explain exactly why I like this manga, but I reeeeally like this manga.

There’s just something about the sleek art, the amazing atmosphere of the scenes set in nightclubs, the chemistry between Emi and Kei, the focus on more mature topics.... it’s a manga that’s remarkably magnetic for how down-to-earth it is. It’s also just interesting to read stories about subcultures that don’t normally get a spotlight in comics. To sum it up, After Hours is just a lovely manga that’s severely underrated that’s perfect for someone who’s looking for a story that’s both fun and mature.

Where To Get It: All three volumes are published in English by Viz Media.

How Do We Relationship?

What It Is: A manga by Tamifull. Ongoing, five volumes at time of writing.

What It’s About: Miwa and Saeko’s first meeting is… interesting. But despite that, and despite their clashing personalities, the two of them become fast friends. Well… actually, perhaps more than friends. You see, pretty soon the two of them learn that the other is into women. With that in mind, Saeko suggests they try dating each other-- might as well, right? “Might as well” seems like a strange place to begin a relationship, but perhaps even something like that could end in true love?

What I Think: “Why do romances always end when they decide to start dating?!” That’s the question Tamifull poses in the afterword of Volume 1. And it’s a great question! What makes How Do We Relationship? an interesting manga is how oddly realistic it is, highlighting things like the compromises people make in relationships, people who get into relationships for pragmatic reasons rather than love, the whole “thing” about sex… as well as highlighting the additional issues queer people have to deal with. That may sound like a heavy story, but it’s actually quite light-hearted, as well as very, very funny at times. With a cute art style and surprisingly deep premise, HDWR is a great manga for older yuri fans who are craving a more mature story.

Where To Get It: The first volume has been published in English by Viz Media, with more on the way.

BONUS: Other titles with adult protagonists that may interest you!

Even Though We’re Adults: A manga by Takako Shimura about two women in their thirties. Ayano and Akari meet each other in a bar and almost immediately feel a sense of chemistry between them. There’s just one problem: Ayano is married to someone else. (To be published in English by Seven Seas Entertainment, coming in January 2021)

Doughnuts Under A Crescent Moon: A manga by Shio Usui. Uno Hinako wants nothing more than to be seen as a normal young woman, but she just can’t seem to make a “normal” romance work. But maybe Sato Asahi, a woman who works at the same company as her, can show her a new kind of normal? (To be published in English by Seven Seas Entertainment, coming in February 2021)

Our Teachers Are Dating: A manga by Pikachi Ohi. Hayama Asuka is a gym teacher, Terano Saki is a biology teacher. One day, they come into work both looking suspiciously happy… because they’ve started dating! (Published in English by Seven Seas Entertainment)

I Married My Best Friend To Shut My Parents Up: A one-volume manga by Kodama Naoko. Morimoto is sick and tired about constantly being badgered about finding a man to marry, so her kouhai from her high school days offers a solution: marry each other to make her parents back off! (Published in English by Seven Seas Entertainment)

Now Loading…!: A one-volume manga by Mikan Uji. Takagi has just snagged her dream job at a games publisher, but being put in charge of a mobile game that’s barely pulling in any attention isn’t exactly what she was hoping for. What’s worse, she’s drawn the attention of her strict higher-up Sakurazuki Kaori… who also happened to design her most favorite game of all time?! (Published in English through Seven Seas Entertainment)

3. “Yuri is all schoolgirl stuff! Where’s- wait, didn’t we already do this one?”

Yes we did. And you know what? I’m making a stand! There’s a lot of really, really good yuri stories set in high schools, and I think more people need to give them a chance! Here are some high school titles that I think are worth a second look for one reason or another!

Bloom Into You

What It Is: A manga by Nakatani Nio. Eight volumes, complete. A twelve episode anime aired in 2018, covering about the first half of the series. A three volume spinoff light novel series written by Hitoma Iruma was also published.

What It’s About: Yuu Koito has long dreamed of the day she’d find That One, Storybook Romance that would make her feel like she was walking on air, but the day that a boy confesses to her, her feet remain firmly planted on the ground. When she meets Touko Nanami, a girl who seems to have the same strange, distant relationship to romance as she does, Yuu feels like she has found a comrade. But what will happen when the next person to confess to Yuu… is Touko?

What I Think: What can I say about Bloom Into You that hasn’t already been said? There’s a reason it’s basically considered a staple of yuri despite being only five years old. The art is beautiful and delicate, the story has a deft mastery of comedy, drama, and romance, and the characters are deeply loveable. Really, the only reason this one is here is to tell you to get to reading this manga (or watching the anime) if you haven’t already. So get to it!

Where To Get It: The entire series-- as well as the spinoff light novel series Regarding Saeki Sayaka-- has been published in English by Seven Seas Entertainment. The anime is currently streaming on HiDive.

Yuri Is My Job

What It Is: A manga by Miman. Ongoing, seven volumes at time of writing.

What It’s About: Hime wants nothing more than to be adored by everyone and to someday bag a rich husband. Of course, being loved by all takes a lot of work, and she prides herself in keeping her perfect, adorable facade so well-maintained. But of course, the one time she slips up, she ends up injuring the manager of a local cafe! Hime finds herself strong-armed into working for this cafe under their star employee, a kind, graceful girl named Mitsuki. But things aren’t quite so simple-- you see, this cafe has a gimmick in which all the employees are constantly acting out yuri-inspired scenes for the customers, so in a way, the employees also have their own facades. And under her facade, Mitsuki… hates Hime’s guts!

What I Think: Yuri Is My Job is an odd duck, but in a good way. It’s advertised and initially framed as a comedy, but it becomes a surprisingly thoughtful drama about the personas people adopt and why they do so (though, luckily, the comedy never truly goes away). There’s an interesting web of relationships between the girls, and having those interactions take place in a setting where they must act out a completely different sort of drama adds an extra level of drama and intrigue. The cute, polished artwork is just the icing on the cake. YIMJ is a good manga for those who are already familiar with yuri tropes and those who are interested in a drama that doesn’t get too heavy.

Where To Get It: Six volumes have been published in English by Kodansha comics, with the seventh on the way.

Riddle Story of Devil

What It Is: A manga written by Yun Kouga and illustrated by Sunao Minakata. Five volumes, complete. A 12 episode anime aired in 2014.

What It’s About: At Myojo Private School, an elite all-girl’s academy, Class Black has a secret. Twelve of the thirteen girls are actually assassins who have been offered a dark deal-- one wish will be granted to whoever manages to kill Haru Ichinose, the thirteenth student. But there’s still hope for Haru in the form of Tokaku Azuma, one of the assassins who has decided to defect to Haru’s side-- and defend her from the other girls at any cost.

What I Think: I’m not sure… if I can say Riddle Story of Devil is “good.” It’s definitely something. Although its premise is vaguely similar to Revolutionary Girl Utena, its tone and atmosphere remind me a lot more of the Dangan Ronpa series. It’s schlocky and ridiculous and often over-the-top and at times exploitative. It’s pure junk food, basically… and I believe that’s where the charm comes from. It’s my guiltiest of guilty pleasures. It may not exactly be good, but more often than not, it’s fun. It’s hard not to be immediately interested in a yuri battle series, you have to admit.

And if it does have one undeniably good element, it’s Tokaku and Haru’s relationship. They contrast each other nicely, and while one might expect Haru to be boring and helpless, she’s actually quite proactive at times, and some of the most interesting, engaging parts of the series come from seeing how the two work together to fend off the latest assassin. It’s a short read and if anything, it’s worth it to see how each girl ends up. I recommend it for older viewers who are okay with violence and ludicrous battle scenarios.

Where To Get It: All five volumes are available through Seven Seas Entertainment. The anime can be watched through Funimation.*

*Please don’t watch the anime.**

** At the very least, please don’t watch the anime unless you’ve read the entire manga. Riddle Story Of Devil was one of those unfortunate cases where the anime adaption was produced before the manga reached its conclusion, and as such it has a very strange, rushed ending that includes none of what I enjoyed about the actual ending. Several scenes were also changed, and if I recall correctly, fanservice was added in several places where there was none previously. All in all, I’d really only recommend it for big fans of the series.

Side By Side Dreamers

What It Is: A light novel by Iori Miyazawa, illustrated by Akane Malbeni. One volume, complete.

What It’s About: Saya Hokage has been suffering from insomnia, but one day finds relief in the form of Hitsuji Konparu, a strange girl who can put people to sleep. As it turns out, Hitsuji is a person who has the special ability to move freely in their dreams, known as a “Sleepwalker.” The Sleepwalkers have been battling beings that possess people through their dreams, and it turns out they want Saya to join them in the fight.

What I Think: Side By Side Dreamers is short and… well, dreamy. I really enjoyed the premise and I think it’s a good novel for people who think Otherside Picnic may be a little too much for them. I also enjoyed each dream sequence-- I tend to find that the writing in light novels is a little dry, so the use of figurative language to describe these scenes was really refreshing and interesting. SBSD is a fun oneshot that I think is especially ideal for newcomers to yuri.

Where To Get It: Side-by-Side Dreamers is published by J-Novel Club and can be found via various digital platforms and bookstores.

Cocoon Entwined

What It Is: A manga by Yuriko Hara. Three volumes, ongoing.

What It’s About: Hoshimiya Girls' Academy is a strange, almost otherworldly paradise with a peculiar tradition. For all three years, each girl grows out her hair to absurd, breathtaking lengths, in order for it to eventually be cut and weaved into uniforms for future students. Perhaps it is these strange uniforms that seem to whisper about the past that makes the school seem frozen in another time… picturesque, yet stagnant. But one day, a shocking incident shatters the quiet peace of the academy, and the tumultuous feelings that have long been hidden in the hearts of these girls come rushing into the light.

What I Think: Cocoon Entwined is, in a word, eerie. It’s not marketed as a horror story, and I don’t think it’s intended to be one, but I’ve seen some that say they get horror vibes from it. I definitely understand that-- there’s a deep sense of unease that permeates the entire story in a way that’s a bit hard to articulate. The running thread of uniforms made from human hair definitely doesn’t hurt (it does-- I’ve seen many people understandably turned off by this element), but it’s more than that. It’s the sense that everything at Hoshimiya feels frozen and fragile. It’s the sense that everyone is burying their true feelings under countless layers. It’s the fact that in one scene, Saeki reaches out in a dark room full of uniforms and feels her arm touched by countless hands made of hair.

Cocoon Entwined is a strange manga, and I feel it’s not for everyone-- besides the way many are put off by the central premise, the way that the story jumps around in time can be a bit confusing to follow. But in my opinion, I love it for these elements: the uniforms and their marriage between beauty and grotesque, the sense of frozen time, the delicate artwork that feels like it might be shattered by the weight of your gaze, the strange, airless atmosphere, the girls and their clear exhaustion of having to be ideal women. It’s a strange little series that I think should be given a shot, particularly if you want something a little more out there, or a darker take on Class S tropes.

Where To Get It: Yen Press has currently published two volumes in English.

BONUS: Other high school titles that may interest you!

A Tropical Fish Yearns For Snow: A manga by Makoto Hagino. Konatsu Amano has just moved to a new town by the sea, and must deal with her new school’s mandatory club policy. Luckily, she meets Koyuki Honami, an older girl who runs the Aquarium Club. Recognizing her loneliness, Konatsu decides to join her club. (Published in English by Viz Media)

Flowers: A four-part series of visual novels published by Innocent Grey. Flowers focuses on Saint Angraecum Academy, a private high school that prides itself on overseeing the growth of proper young ladies. One notable thing about the academy is the Amitié program, a system that pairs students together in order to foster friendships between the girls. But friendship isn’t the only thing blooming… (Available in English from Steam, J-List, and JAST USA)

Adachi And Shimamura: A series of light novels written by Hitoma Iruma and illustrated by Non that has recently received a manga adaptation and an anime adaption. Adachi and Shimamura are two girls who encounter each other one day while cutting class. Little by little, the two girls become a part of each other’s lives, and feelings begin to form. (The light novels are published in English by Seven Seas Entertainment, the anime is licensed by Funimation)

And there we go! 24 different yuri titles. I didn’t even go into the series that I tried but personally didn’t like that still might interest other people. I primarily made this list to gush about yuri that I liked, but I also tried to include a fairly wide range of things so that, hopefully, any random person who read this whole list could find at least one new title that interests them. And I hope that includes you!

The yuri scene is quite large and wonderful if you know where to look, and it too often gets a bad rap. I hope that this list could give you a new perspective on what kinds of titles are available, and I hope it gives you something new to try. And remember: if you want something specific, try looking for it! There’s a good chance the story you’re craving is already out there, waiting to be discovered!

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glassartpeasants · 4 years ago

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The Test

Overhaul x F!Reader

Warnings: Angst, death, mega angst, pregnancy, premature birth, this hurt to write but thats okay

Gotta get the sad vibes out of thy body. Lets all be sad together

~~~

‘Okay, It’ll be okay. Just tell him! He’s your husband for christ sakes!’ You thought as you paced back and forth inside your room. You were afraid. You loved your husband you really did but sometimes he even made you afraid.

Kai barely showed his emotions and when he did it was a miracle. Hell you barely just started getting intimate. You’ve only had intercourse 2 times you’ve guys been together. You’ve guys been together for 4 years. You understood his dislike of germs, and you never wanted to make him uncomfortable. So you just kept your wishes for intimacy to yourself.

His kisses or hugs were almost just as rare as sex. You would tell him you loved him and he’d grunt back at you. You knew it was his language of saying i love you back but sometimes you just wished he’d say it back. You were only human after all. You wished for attention and some sort of love contact.

The last time you guys had sex he wore a condom. You didn’t mind really, it’s not like you were trying for a baby. But out of all the times that the condoms could have failed you,

This was the day of absolute fuckery.

You glared at the positive pregnancy test, hoping it would just disappear. But unfortunately problems like this don’t just disappear. So which leads to where you are now, a woman who is absolutely fucked if she can’t figure out a way to tell her husband she’s pregnant.

“Come on (y/n), you’ve got this. It can’t be that bad right?” You say trying to convince yourself. Kai was very difficult when he wanted to be. So what if he thinks you cheated on him?! You’d be killed on the spot! You wouldn’t be able to even explain, he probably won’t even let you. He had a habit of taking over you.

You sat on the bed as you rubbed your eyes. Trying to hide the tears that threatened to spill. You cried into your hands. This shouldn’t be so hard. He’s your husband. Then why were you so afraid? Was there a possibility that you could tell him without speaking? But how would you-

-the internet

You jumped from your spot on the bed and grabbed your personal computer and began looking at mom websites. Cool pregnancy ideas to tell your husband. You clicked on the link and saw the best ideas there. Get a mug and put the words you're pregnant at the inside of the bottom of the cup. Nah. Gift him baby clothes and let him put the puzzle pieces together. No thats stupid. Get a teddy bear and sew him holding a present, put the test in there and give it to him. Ah fuck it why not?

So from that search alone you RAN out the door and near the closest place where they had teddy bears and presents. You ran as fast as your legs could endure. Whipping your head from aisle to aisle. Looking for the fuzzy stuffy.

You go to the baby aisle and see the best teddy for the job. You quickly grab it as you go to the next aisle for the present. You had picked out a small box that would just fit the test. You smile as you jump up and down in joy. You didn’t know when you became so giddy. Not even an hour ago you were stressed to the point of wanting to hit your head against the door. You take a deep breath in before turning on your heels to pay.

~~~

1 Day Later

You looked at the teddy bear in your hands while sweating. What happened to confident (y/n) yesterday? Oh yeah she left when she had a fight with her husband, a bad one at that too. It was really bad. But you couldn’t stop now. You had to tell him. Better sooner than later. You take a deep breath as you hugged the teddy closer as you let out a sigh. Looking at Kai’s office door you let your hand let out a fragile knock.

“Come in.” You slowly push the door open, looking in, you see Kai with two of his henchmen. Chronostasis and Nemoto. You didn’t talk to them much but you guys had pretty civil conversations.

“Kai I need to talk to you, without them here please?” You say as you try to stand your ground. You don’t really want your husband's friends to know what’s going on in your guys personal affairs.

“Fine. Chrono, Nemoto, leave.”

“Yes boss.” They leave the room just leaving you and your stonic husband.

“What do you even want?” He says in a voice that makes you question doing this but you go up to him and hand him the teddy bear. Your face beet red as you try to figure out his emotion. Especially when he opened the present.

“Is this a positive pregnancy test?” He says in an emotionless manner, but you couldn’t help but hear the bit of anger in his voice as well.

“Yes, I don’t know what you want to do or-”

“You cheated on me?” Wait what the fuck?

“What! How could you say that!” You say in offense.

“I wear protection, woman! There's no way I could have gotten you pregnant!”

“Condoms aren’t even 100% effective! It could have busted or had a whole in it!” You yell back. You were offended. You were his wife, how dare he accuse you of such an act! Considering he was so interested in medical things you would think that he would know that condoms aren’t 1005 effective!

“You slut! I give you everything and you go out and cheat on me!”

“I didn’t fucking cheat asshole! God after years of being with you, your immediate reaction was I’m cheating?! Why am I with you if you don’t even trust me!”

“Leave this house! We’re over!”

“Are you fucking serious?! You won’t even consider it!” You scream at him.

“Leave or else!” His ember eyes looking at you with the intent to kill. You knew that if you wanted to live you had to leave. Tears rush down your eyes as you turn around quickly before swinging open the door. You turn around to him one last time before screaming at the top of your lungs

“I can’t believe I married a cold hearted monster like you! I hope you die alone!” And with those words, you left. Never stepping foot inside that base as long as you lived.

~~~

5 Months Later

“This sucks actually ass.” You growl as you walk around your apartment. It wasn’t the best but it would do for the time being. You got it cause your friend was friends with the owner. All you had to do was take care of the garden they had outside. They wanted to make it eye catching so more people would move in.

Understandable.

You held your stomach as the urge to pee came over you. Due to the fact a literal baby is growing inside you, it's pushing against your bladder. Kinda rude. You're carrying this baby and it's just gonna do you like this? That’s some bullshit man.

You groan as you continue to sweep your hardwood floor in your small living area. It was much better than living with Kai I guess. You never wanted to see his stupid gorgeous face again.

You look up at the area around you, admiring your work on cleaning the entire apartment. You smirk to yourself before feeling a kick in your stomach. You hold your stomach as you take a breather. Looking back up you notice a familiar golden shine coming from a little dish you kept by the door where you put coins in.

Walking towards it you notice that its your old wedding ring from you old marriage. You guys never really got divorced so it was still official by law. Annoying yes but you didn’t want to even be in a room with that bastard.

Grabbing the ring you look at it and think how much it would be worth. A final fuck you to the mind that shattered you heart.

Grabbing it and putting on a coat you start walking out the door and head out the door. Going to a pawn shop around the corner. You would be able to get a little extra cash for the baby.

~~~

“Yes sir I would like to sell this ring.” You place the ring on the counter and slide it over to the employee. His eyes widen as he motions you to come closer.

“This is a yakuza style ring. A Shie Hasssakai kind of ring. Where did you get this?” The man said. He sounded like he was worried.

“Oh my shit husband gave me this when he proposed to me. Then kicked me out saying I cheated when I told him I was pregnant. Like sorry that a condom is not 100% effective.” You say soundly. The man looks at you with wide eyes. You didn’t really care at the moment because the feeling of lightheadedness was weighing you down.

“Ma’am are you okay? You look like you’ve seen a ghost.” Before you could say anything you felt a wet feeling coming from in between your legs. Looking down you see that your water broke.

“MA’AM SHOULD WE CALL 119?!” You shook your head up and down before falling down on the ground, the world seems to be growing black around you.

~~~

Ring ring ring

“Hello?”

“Yes Overhaul sir? This is the guys from the pawn store downtown, we have a ring that seemingly belongs to your ex wife.”

“And you're calling me why?”

“Uh...because she was just carried away in an ambulance. She didn’t look very well, boss. My girlfriend had her kid recently and she wasn’t near as sickly looking as she was.” Overhaul couldn’t help but have his chest tighten up a bit. His heart was beating faster and he could feel it.

“Do you want to know the hospital she’s at Overhaul?”

“Not right now.” Before Kai could even think about what he was doing he hung up the phone and moved his wrist back to the papers. You cheated on him, you’ll be fine. He rolled his eyes but that didn’t mean he didn’t feel the sinking feeling in his stomach.

Like if he had just made a mistake he would live to regret.

~~~

Kai ran as fast as he could towards the hospital where you stayed. They had sent him a call asking him to come down so he could see his kid. When he said that it wasn’t his, they told him that the DNA matched up perfectly with his.

Kai felt a painful sting in his chest as he got closer and closer to the hospital. He was thinking on all the ways to apologize to you. And if his pride would allow him to apologize.

His head rang with the words of what the doctor told him,

***

“Is this Kai Chisaki?”

“Yes it is, why?”

“Well we have you as an emergency contact for miss (y/n) (l/n).”

“Take me off.”

“Excuse me sir?”

“I said take me off.”

“Well I can’t take you off when we called you to tell you that your wife is in critical condition.”

“What?!” Kai tried to not show much worry but he couldn’t help it. No matter how much he told himself that he didn’t love you, thoughts of your smile rushed back into his head. Your laugh. Your everything calmed him down. You were his angel.

“Unfortunately her water broke early, leaving her to have an early birth and her body was not able to handle it. Your daughter, who we did a dna test on is in the ICU (intensive care unit). Her being born 2 months early is having complications breathing.” Kai couldn’t say a world before he rushed out of the door and into your hospital,

***

He burst through the hospital doors and walked up to the nurse as he panted from running. A look of desperation in his golden eyes.

“Where is my wife and daughter? Mrs. Chisaki?” He said in a moment of panic. He hated the look that the nurse gave him as she told him where to find your room. Before he could run into your room a doctor stopped him by grabbing his shoulder.

“I’m sorry to inform you sir but, the complications your daughter had to breath were to severe. We couldn’t save her. I’m deeply sorry.” Kai looked at the doctor. Not wanting to believe a word he had just said. He felt his hands tremble as he grabbed the doctors shoulders. Tears streaming down his face,

“What about (y/n)? Is she okay at least?!” Desperation in his voice. He can’t lose you. He already lost his daughter that he refused to believe was his, now to late to say hello or I love you. He had to see you. Just to hear you sweet voice at least one more time-

“I’m sorry Chisaki. She was pronounced dead 5 minutes before you came in.” No, no. He refused to believe it. He ran to your room, praying you were still here. You needed to be here. He needed to say he was sorry. That he loved you.

once he burst through your room door his worse fears were confirmed, and what the doctor was true. You no longer a heartbeat monitor. Your chest never moved to show some sort of breathing pattern. Kai ran to you holding your face in his hands. He put your forehead to his as his tears landed on your lashes.

“Please...wake up. I’m begging you. I already lost our daughter, I can’t afford to lose you to. Please my angel. Come back.....” Kai grabbed your limp body and pulled you close to his chest, shaking as he started sobbing uncontrollably. His whole world seemed to stop as he felt his only sort of light in his life be blown out. He cried into your neck as he collapsed onto his knees.

“Please, I don’t wanna be alone.”

#overhaul #overhaul x reader #kai chisaki x reader #kai chisaki #mha overhaul #bnha #mha #chisaki overhaul #overhaul angst #chisaki kai #shie hassaikai #kai #mha angst #bnha angst

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endlich-allein · 4 years ago

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Promo "Liebe Ist Für Alle Da" (2009), Christoph "Doom" Schneider — Interview by Philip Lageat, 16-11-2009, Nantes (Rock Hard #94)

Rock Hard : With six studio albums in the bag, it must be more and more difficult to establish a setlist. How do you deal with that ?

Christoph "Doom" Schneider : Strangely enough, we take our heads less at this level than in the studio. I am therefore going to surprise you by telling you that this is done as simply and naturally as possible, since we ultimately proceed in a very democratic way : each of us draws up a list of our favorite titles. We then compare the desideratas of each... and the majority wins, provided however that the songs chosen fit well into the show. We did it this time around and it worked really well, since we shared an identical opinion on many songs. Personally, I find that we have found a good balance between old songs and new songs. We play a lot of songs from our last album, Liebe Ist Für Alle Da, which suits me well because I admit that I was fed up with some old titles. I was almost sickened by playing them. So we discarded them, otherwise I think we would have quickly become jaded of the new show. So we had to be careful what we choose, because, given the special effects that we deploy on stage, it is quite difficult for us, after the fact, to make big changes in the setlist. It is that each of us must know precisely what to do, and where it must be, during each song : a misstep, a second of inattention, and you are toasted like a peanut ! (laughs) Anyway, a setlist usually follows you during a whole tour and I'm happy with it which, as I said, seems to me to be a happy medium, a pretty harmonious balance, between old and new songs.

RH : Twenty years ago almost to the day, on November 9, 1989, we witnessed the fall of the Berlin Wall. As an East German, do you remember this historic moment ?

Christoph : Yes, I was in town. In the middle of the night, I heard the radio announcing that people were destroying the Wall. It must be said that, for a few days already, the rumor had swelled that this was going to happen. But I stayed home because quite frankly, I couldn't believe it ! (laughs) It wasn't until a day or two later that I crossed the Wall for the first time to go west. At the risk of disappointing, I was therefore not one of those people we saw on TV riding the Wall and destroying it with a pickax or hammer. I remember I was of course delighted, but the shock was such that it took me a while to adjust to this new life : during the first two or three years, I had the feeling of not being able to be part of nothing and of everything at the same time, to evolve in a space of total freedom. To tell the truth, it was an extraordinary period ! In East Berlin, it was chaos. We squatted in houses where we organized huge parties... (smile) There were no rules and a sweet scent of anarchy hung in the air. Musically, we all continued to play with our respective bands and for a while it didn't go so badly. Until we realized that the situation had changed dramatically and that these bands belonged to a period from now on bygone, were from another age. We felt that the time had come to start a new adventure by creating another group. The foundations of Rammstein were laid... From the start, we defined what our sound should be. Very quickly we figured out that even if we rehearse hard, we would never be able to sound like an American band. That's why we tried to create something unique, which really looks like us.

RH : Do you remember the first concert you saw in the West ?

Christoph : It probably must have been an unknown punk band. But the first big gig I attended was a Red Hot Chili Peppers show at a tiny club. In 1990, it seems to me. They were not as popular then as they are today and did not perform in large venues yet. Before this concert, I had never heard of it. It was a Californian who was squatting at my house who told me that it was a good group and offered to go see it. When I think about it, I wonder what she and I could say to each other, since I couldn't get a word of English ! (laughs) Anyway, we went to this concert and I took a huge slap. Never before have I seen something so exciting ! This is an evening that I will never forget...

RH : Despite multiple internal friction, Rammstein has always kept the same line-up. How do you explain this stability ?

Christoph : Rammstein is only worth the sum of his individualities and their uniqueness. If one of us left, or whoever, we wouldn't be dealing with the same group. Rammstein would no longer be. So, it's true, there were tensions between us during the recording of the last album (see previous interview), but that's how Rammstein works. I believe in these guys... And then we always had a fight every time we set foot in the studio, and that, for any album. It's just that, when we were younger, we were able to find common ground faster because we were less stubborn and had less ego. Maybe we are too stressed out today when we work together, because we know it is going to be a long and painful process. And that, we find it more and more difficult to bear it. But for me that's a good thing, because these tensions are a blessing, in that they sharpen our creativity. Without them we would not achieve exciting results. We only yell at each other over simple taste issues : "I like it, why don't you like it too?". It's just that sometimes we tend to forget about it and take things too personal. At my level, I now tend not to want to impose my point of view if the majority does not think like me. Others, on the contrary, do not get along with age and refuse to give up even the smallest square inch of land (laughs). Hence endless heated discussions. Not to mention that the producer also has an opinion and that we therefore have to juggle the desires of seven people. You should know that for the most of us no longer get along with the producer (Editor's note: the Swede Jacob Hellner who has so far produced all of Rammstein's albums) in terms of choices and tastes. We have not changed, not evolved one iota. We are still able to develop this stupid energy in order to provoke, and I like that because some people expect us to mature with age, that we become more "adult". And here we are shooting a porn clip (Editor's note: allusion to the video for the single "Pussy") ! (laughs) We're still the same kids who, twenty years ago, were overflowing with youthful enthusiasm : "That's going to be a blast. So what are we waiting for ?"

RH : To conclude, do you really sell this box containing Six dildos that we could see on the Net ?

Christoph : (Visibly embarrassed) I have no answer to that question. I think this is more of a joke than a reality... And then who would buy this anyway ? (laughs)

#rockhard magazine special rammstein 2021 #rammstein in press #rammstein interview #rammstein #christoph schneider #till lindemann #flake lorenz #paul landers #richard kruspe #oliver riedel

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c-is-for-circinate · 4 years ago

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So as close as I am to fully escaping Hades for the first time, I figure I might take this opportunity to write down a couple of things I'm scared of from this ending. The story is so good so far! But I have seen good stories before! And there are patterns, right, patterns it's so easy for even good stories to fall into, so yeah, I have fears, and they mostly come down to Hades himself.

(Yep, this one got long again! People seem to be enjoying my game-reaction rambles, so, for your enjoyment under the cut: themes of separation and reunion, predictions for what Zagreus is the god of, and a whole lot of discussion of familial abuse dynamics, how they're depicted in fiction, and the work it takes to change them in real life. Stay warned! Stay safe!)

(ALSO, I still haven't made it past the first couple of chambers in the Temple of Styx, so no spoilers in the reblogs/comments please! Yes, even though the whole post is me going on about predictions and hopes and concerns about the path the story might take. I WILL GET THERE SOON.)

It has been really interesting watching some of the stuff the game is doing with themes of parting and reunion, and how that corresponds to life and death. So many of our social links are about reuniting estranged loved ones: Chaos and Nyx, Eurydice and Orpheus, Patroclus and Achilles. Hades is estranged from Olympus, Persephone left. And every time we leave, or try to leave, it is both an attempt at a parting (and Meg and Than are so hurt by that goodbye, or lack thereof) and an attempt at a reunion with our mother. Every time we die it's a reunion, every time we die it's fun, it's great, we get to go back home and check in with all of our friends and be impressed by whoever made Employee Of The [Timeperiod] and sell fish to the cook and put down yet more rugs. (My Zagreus has something of a rug addiction. What can you do.)

It's at the point where I feel pretty secure in stating that Zagreus is going to discover eventually that he is both life/death/rebirth god, and god of partings and reunions. Both halves of both of those things. People leave each other when they die and re-find their loved ones in death; you go away from one group of people to come back to another; you have to depart to return, and I really think that's where we're going to end up with Zagreus. He's going to reunite his various friends with their loved ones, he's probably going to restore communications between Hades and Olympus and even Persephone, he's going to reunite with his mom, and he's going to come back to the Underworld before he leaves to see everyone up top all over again. And of course the vehicle for all of this coming and going is death, because death is the ultimate departure and reuniter. (This is absolutely a religious concept containing a whole bunch of "oh hey our culture has a lot of Christian influence, doesn't it", Greek trappings aside, but that's fine, it's a game made in 2018 not 300 BC, these things happen. They keep calling the Underworld 'hell' and 'infernal'. It's all good.) Of course he's a cthonic god. Of course he bleeds, because you have to bleed in order to die, and Zagreus has to die again and again and again. That's his whole thing.

Thing is, though, looking at those themes, I am also continually aware of the fact that some partings are for a really good reason. Some partings should not end in reunion.

Yes, of course this is about Hades the abusive dad. I have been talking about Hades the abusive dad basically non-stop since I started playing this game, where did you think this post was going.

There are a few things I'm nervous about, separate but related, and at the core it all comes down to, I'm not okay with it if we learn why Hades got to be this way, and Zagreus forgives him as we-the-audience are meant to do, and Hades promises to do better, and nothing concrete about the situation is forced to change. Actual, meaningful, practical, logistical, non-hypothetical non-metaphorical change, not just for Zagreus but for Hades himself.

Because I know how this story tends to go, in fiction. Fictional abusive parents (especially in fantasy/sci-fi stories) tend to come in two types: 'coerced their offspring into actual murder with a side of physical abuse and optional unethical lab experimentation', or 'this was here to create character conflict, we didn't mean for it to read as actually abusive, this parent just has flaws to make them a good character, we swear!' Hades isn't the first type--we have never once seen Hades strike his son, or anybody, or even come out from behind his desk--which means that the fear is, always, always, in every piece of fiction, that he's the second. That the writers are going to decide that the right response to his abuses is remorse, forgiveness, and one really good conversation. That they don't realize it's abuse in the first place.

And, like. They have to know, right? They have to. They can't have done this by accident. (Sometimes, writers get so close by accident.) They can't have done so well at drawing out this situation simply by going, 'well, people are meant to fear this god, so they'd probably react like this, and I guess based on what I've seen in other stories or vague acquaintances they'd then do this,' and never put the name on the situation. Every single time we leave to the tune of a Hades word-flash, he's being dismissive, insulting, and sometimes downright cruel. He is cruel. They have to know!!!

But oh boy have I been consuming media for a lot of years, and oh boy have I run into a lot of writers who don't know.

Reconciliation is such a loaded word, but stories about dysfunctional families really do love it. Stories based around themes of reunion are primed for it. And of course, it's nice, it ties a happy ending off with a sweet little bow, everyone gets to be with the people they love and the family is safe and nobody gets hurt, but so rarely have I seen stories that show the actual work required to rebuild those relationships in a realistic or meaningful way. So rarely do stories trying to build that happy ending actually let the victim of abuse set and maintain boundaries. The character never gets to actually just cut the damn ties to the thing that hurt them. The character so rarely even gets to be safe.

And it's so hard in this game specifically, because "THERE IS NO ESCAPE", because every single thing about this game says that the story's not over when Zagreus gets to the surface, that no matter what he's going to have to come back. It's so hard, because this is a game about reunions. I am not going to get an ending where the abused kid trying to flee his toxic home and abusive dad actually gets to leave and stay gone, not in this one. And that hurts (I have watched and supported and done my best to help multiple real-life friends get the fuck out of homes like that, and stay gone, I have seen how hard it is, how complicated, how awful, and there are never stories for that), but I can live with it, if I get an ending where Zagreus is at least safe. Where things change. Where they really change.

Which is why I need actual, concrete, material changes in the logistics and power structure of the Underworld for this ending to be okay. Understanding why Hades is Like That doesn't cut it. Remorse doesn't cut it! Because look, even if Hades wants to do better, even if he admits he's at fault and tries to be better, he is still set up in a position as an all-powerful tyrant, and trying to become a better person is hard. There is nobody around who can keep him in check when he starts backsliding, which he will. Even if he doesn't want to, he will.

Because people are people, and it's really difficult to break patterns! Especially if everything around them stays the same. Hades is going to slip at some point, be cruel, be callous, be tyrannical, no matter how much of an effort he's making. Not to mention, it is STRESSFUL to face your own crimes and improve, it sucks, it feels bad. And what do habitual abusers do when they feel bad? What's the only coping mechanism Hades appears to have established for dealing with his own shit? That's right, it's inflicting suffering on everyone else around him. (This is why it doesn't really matter what circumstances drove Hades to act this way, why it can't matter--I believe that he is suffering, but he copes with that suffering by inflicting additional suffering on everyone around him, everyone who relies on him, and that's still true no matter what made him feel bad to begin with.) So then we just get a great old guilt-->lashing out-->more guilt-->more lashing out merry-go-round of abuse even as Hades is trying to change. That's how these things work. And yes, change is possible, improvement is absolutely possible, but the environment needs to change first. The system that enables and rewards Hades for acting this way can't stay in place. Things need to actually change, with people who are around to support Hades in his growth and also check his power, people who have power of their own to stop him. And however it happens, for this story with this protagonist with these goals to feel like a happy ending, Zagreus needs to be safe.

It would be okay, though a little disappointing, if those changes were mostly based in magic and fate and, idk, divine mind-control. (This story has been so grounded in actual human dynamics that a fantastical solution to a realistic problem would feel like a letdown, but if it actually solved the problem I'd be okay with it, more or less.) It would be okay, though a little disappointing, if the responsibility for bringing Hades to heel fell upon Zagreus and Persephone, if the two family members who he hurt badly enough that they felt the need to run away from him entirely now had to shoulder the burden of helping him fix himself. (There are definitely ways to write that dynamic better and ways to write it worse, and I think I trust these writers to land on the 'better' side of the scale, but I still don't love the implications.) I think I'd be pretty into it if Hades took a vacation off to Olympus to Work Out His Shit with his own family, while a coalition of Meg, Nyx, Thanatos, Zagreus, and Queen Persephone took over running the Underworld in his absence. I think we might end up getting some combination of those things. I'm hopeful. I think these writers might know what they've written. I think they might have a sense for what it'll take to fix.

But yeah, I'm nervous. (Nervous enough that I might switch to God Mode just to get through, combat has started getting really tedious instead of fun, I want to know what happens next, and this is a game and there is no shame in making it more fun for myself by making the boring parts a little quicker and easier.) I've seen so many stories go wrong. This one has done so much to earn my trust. We'll see if it breaks.

#Hades game #Hades spoilers #driveby meta attack #C plays stuff #I have so much hope!!!!~!#I have so much fear!!!!!#DO NOT TELL ME WHAT THE ANSWER IS GOING TO BE!!!!!

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mammons-sugarbaby · 4 years ago

Note

Can you please write hc about the bois reading mc's diary where they might state somethings (why do they like the bois , their dreams with them , or the nice gestures they do to them)

Sorry this took so long!

Okay so here’s the platonic version of the bros reading MC’s diary, there will be a romantic, and dirty version as well. Including the undateables (Luke’s obv is platonic only).

I’m putting most of it under a read more bc it’s a lot.

Lucifer ⦁ He'd started giving MC piano lessons after their RAD classes, they'd requested it and he wasn't going to pass up a chance to show off his talents. ⦁ After MC leaves he notices they forgot their things, namely a few schoolbooks and notebooks ⦁ He also notices when he gathers them up that one notebook seems different than the others and opens it to see what it is ⦁ It's a daily journal of their time in the devildom ⦁ He flips through a few more pages and lands on a page that, to his surprise, is about him ⦁ He goes to the beginning and sees where it becomes less about general happenings and more about him

Platonic (diary content) ⦁ "Lucifer seems more stressed lately....he played the piano for me once and he seemed really happy then. Maybe I can ask him to teach me to play, but he might see it as another thing on his already full plate. But it would be nice for him to have a break from the usual headaches."

⦁ "I asked him and he agreed! He seemed surprised but also has a small smile! I hope I'm not putting too much on him. "

⦁ "He's been teaching me for a few days now and he always seems much more relaxed and happier during our lessons. I'm happy I found something to get his mind off his stress, he works too much. He's nice deep down, but he has a lot going on that makes him irritated. Still, I'm glad he's my friend."

Platonic (his reaction) ⦁ Lucifer is touched that MC was worried about him

⦁ And also surprised that they noticed his mood while playing the piano, and his reaction to them requesting he teach them to play, he hadn't realized they were so observant.

⦁ When he thought about it, he realized he had been enjoying their lessons, looking forward to them even. MC wasn't a bad student, they actually picked up the basics quickly.

⦁ He wouldn't tell them he'd read their diary, but he couldn't help but smile he entire time when they joined him for their next lesson

Mammon ⦁ He was looking through MC's stuff to sell for quick grim ⦁ Finds an intricate looking book, it's looks expensive ⦁ He opens it and notices its a scrapbook ⦁ He soon realizes that there a lot of cut outs and pictures of him ⦁ And there are full pages of writing ⦁ Of course he's going to read about what they have to say about him, The Great Mammon!

Platonic (diary content) ⦁ "Mammon got another multi page spread! He's so cool."

⦁ "Mammon offered me some of the clothes he'd gotten from a recent shoot because his closet was full, they were super expensive brand names! I'm still in shock, I would have thought he'd sell them. They'd probably go for a good bit of grim since they were what he'd wore in the shoot, I mean he's one of the most in-demand models! But he gave them to me instead, I feel silly for being starstruck."

⦁ "I want to buy something to repay him, but he has everything.... If he wants something, he just buys it, so it's hard to get what he'd want that he doesn't already have...Maybe I could make something?"

⦁ "Went shopping today with him and bought the stuff to make his gift, he didn't even notice! I bought him a few things he asked for, I hope he likes my real present..."

Platonic (his reaction) ⦁ He's SHOCKED. Yeah he always boasted about being the greatest, but he hadn't realized MC was an actual fan of his??

⦁ It seems like they had collected pictures from every shoot he'd ever had, and that was saying something.

⦁ He didn't even consider selling the clothes he'd gotten from the shoot that day, he just saw MC admiring them and rather than try to find room for them, he just let MC have them. He hadn't even thought anything of it, but it made him happy that he'd brought so much joy to MC.

⦁ He wondered what they were making him and tried to think back on their shopping trip, but he'd been too focused on the things he liked, rather than what MC was buying.

⦁ Guilt hit him like a train, he may not have stolen anything, but he's going to buy MC something real nice to make up for trying.

Levi ⦁ He'd gone into MC's room to retrieve some games and manga he'd lent them ⦁ He saw a pile of books near a neat stack of games and assumed they'd left it on their desk for him. ⦁ It wasn't until he got back to his room and was organizing them that he realized he grabbed a book that wasn't his. ⦁ He opened it then quickly shut it after realizing it was their diary. ⦁ He argued with himself to read or not to read, but he saw his name! ⦁ Deciding, he opened the diary again, he just had to know what they were writing about him

Platonic (diary content) ⦁ "I hung out with Levi today and watched him absolutely obliterate a raid! It seems like he's super high leveled on like, ever game he plays! He even gets me into some of them and helps me level up and get rare items."

⦁ "I don't know if he's joking or not when he calls me his best friend but I feel the same. He's my best friend. Though sometimes I worry he'll get bored of me since I'm not nearly as into gaming as he is. And I worry that some of the games and stuff I like he'd probably say the were such "normie" or "main stream" things...it doesn't mean they're not fun. I try to stick with games he likes to play, because I don't want to lose my best friend. Is that something I should actually worry over?"

⦁ "We were watching a new anime today and one of the characters said something that set him off. He paused it and went on an hour long rant about how out of character it was for them. It may be weird, but I love listening to him going off about things he's passionate about! It's both entertaining, and I get to hear his thought process, usually I end up learning a few things that I had missed while watching. It seems like he never misses anything! I know he'd never in a million years believe me, but I think he's actually really cool and fun to be around."

Platonic (his reaction) ⦁ His heart is ready to explode, he really did think of MC as his best friend, but he was worried they just went along with it to make him happy. Reading that they thought the same thing, it was scary how alike they were!

⦁ When he got them into a game that he had been playing for a while, he wants them to be able to run raids with him as fast as possible, but he also likes MC's excitement when they complete a particularly difficult quest, because he felt the same way.

⦁ He feels guilty reading that MC thinks he'll get bored of them just because they like games he typically would scoff at, they're right, just because they're mainstream doesn't mean they aren't fun. They became mainstream BECAUSE they were fun. He makes a mental note to find out MC's favorite game. Their actual favorites.

⦁ He blushed because he did have a habit of going off on tangents in the middle of an episode and then not finishing it for the rest of the night. But reading that MC enjoyed his rants, this human really was his best friend, his Henry!

Satan ⦁ MC returned some books he'd lent them ⦁ While putting them away, Satan realized they'd accidentally given him one of their books ⦁ They'd already left though, he opened it to see what the book was about ⦁ It was a thick journal and he realized it was specifically a diary ⦁ And the page he'd opened to was about him ⦁ Intrigued, he sat down and flipped to the first page.

Platonic (diary content) ⦁ "Today I asked Satan if he had any books about devildom fauna and asked him since there was no sun in the devildom, what did the flowers use as a food source. He had a few books and was nice enough to sit down with me and go over the material. He asked why I wanted to know and I explained I wanted to try growing something."

⦁ "Satan saved me from failing the test today! If he hadn't suggested we study together, I wouldn't have realized I had studied the wrong thing! At first he seemed annoyed but when I apologized he asked 'For what' and I said for bothering him, I felt bad because we'd have to waste time studying something I should already have had a good grasp on. He seemed surprised and explained he wasn't mad, things happen. He told me that at least when the time came to test for what I accidentally studied, I'd be more prepared. After all knowledge is power. I'm glad he's patient with me."

⦁ "Satan showed me some of his favorite books today. A lot of them were books about curses and hexes and the like, but it made him laugh. He was so excited to try some of the new curses he'd learned on Lucifer. It shows a different side to him, a more playful side. Dangerous, but still playful. Hopefully he'll never try to prank me with a curse haha!

Platonic (his reaction) ⦁ He remembered MC asking about local fauna and how things worked here in the devildom. He had almost laughed because things like that were basic knowledge, but he remembered that in the human realm, the sun was essential for most fauna growth. He admired MC for trying to learn new things and put that knowledge to use.

⦁ Satan smiled at MC remembering the phrase he had told them a few times. He'd been surprised when MC had opened to the wrong chapter to start studying, and the look of shock on their face when he told them, he felt bad. Nonetheless, this was a chance to see just how much he understood the reference material, now that he'd have to thoroughly explain so that they understood. He enjoyed his time with them and he was glad that their hard work paid off.

⦁ He hadn't realized how much he held back when around his brothers and MC, but he felt comfortable around MC, like they understood him. He felt like he could let down his guard a little with them, and he was glad to read they took his interests in curses and pranks in good humor. He might have to prank MC soon....nothing dangerous or over the top, but he wanted to tease them a bit.

Asmo ⦁ He went into MC's room to show off some new beauty products he'd bought ⦁ They weren't in their room, so he texted them, they replied they'd be there shortly ⦁ he takes a seat on their bed and notices a notebook on their nightstand ⦁ He opens it and sees it's their diary ⦁ And more importantly, they're writing about him

Platonic (diary content) ⦁ "Ugh, I had such a rough day today! I'm glad I ran into Asmo on my way back to my room. He wanted me to come with him and try some new stuff he got that was supposed to help with fatigue. At first I refused because I just wanted to lay down, but he wouldn't take no for an answer and eventually he wore me down and practically dragged me to his room. He was right, the products he used really did make me feel more energetic!"

⦁ "I ran into Asmo in town today, he was on his way to majolish. I joked with him that he owned every item of clothing in the store and he told me that's why he was going to buy me clothes! Once again I found myself dragged along with him. I feel like I need to just start going with things when it comes to him, it always ends up for the better. I feel bad that he spent so much grim, but he kept finding clothes that I 'Absolutely had to have!!!' he does have a good sense for my style at least."

⦁ "Today I went to Asmo's room, I was feeling down and it seemed like spending time with him always cheered me up. At first he seemed annoyed to be interrupted, but as soon as he saw it was be he perked up and pulled me inside his room. He asked why I looked so down in the presence of someone as beautiful and him and I had to laugh. I told him a little bit of what was on my mind, and it didn't seem like he was listening, just going about his beauty ritual. But after I had stopped talking he started giving advice on the more important things I had complained about. He's a great listener, I'm really happy he's my friend, even if he keeps trying to get in my pants! Though at this point I think it's just habit because he doesn't seem as pushy as he did at first.

Platonic (his reaction) ⦁ Asmo recalled when MC was more resistant towards him, to be fair though they needed a good spa day! A lot! And now that he had read that they were thankful for his impromptu self care sessions, he was going to make actual plans for spa days with MC. They'd thank him in the future.

⦁ To be fair, he was glad he ran into MC while on his way to majolish. He knew MC's size, but wasn't entirely sure about what they liked personally. He knew what he thought they would look good in, but when they had started trying on clothes, he quickly noted what they seemed uncomfortable in, and what they actually seemed to like. An outfit may look cute, but if the person wearing it looks like they'd rather be wearing anything else, then it defeated the purpose! Eventually Asmo tuned into the styles and materials MC liked and went from there. He didn't even spend half as much as he usually did, so he found it funny that MC was worried over the total price of their new wardrobe.

⦁ He remembered the night MC came to his room, they had indeed interrupted him in the middle of his usual nighttime ritual, but as soon as he saw the look on their face he had to pull them in. He listened to MC pour their heart out while he went about his routine and when they stopped talking he assumed they were done and started giving them pointers. When he looked back to them, they look surprised. It confused him at the time, but now he understood it was because they thought he wasn't listening. He was always listening darling! It's how he knows so much.

⦁ He also hadn't realized that it had in fact, become more of a habit to flirt with MC, than to actually try to get somewhere with them. He didn't know how to feel about it.

Beel ⦁ To be fair, MC told him he could borrow their study notes, but didn't tell him where in their room they left the notebook ⦁ He sees what he assumes is the notebook on their bed and grabs it and heads to his room ⦁ Once he gets settled, he opens it and reads half the page before it clicks that these are definitely not study notes ⦁ This is their diary, and they were writing about him ⦁ He shuts it so fast, super embarrassed, but he can't stop thinking about what he'd read ⦁ Guilty, he opens it to read more

Platonic (diary content) ⦁ "Today I forgot my wallet today so I couldn't buy lunch, but on my way back to the classroom I ran into Beel. He was actually looking for me so we could have lunch together! He even grabbed my favorite foods. I don't think I've mentioned my favorites though...how did he know??"

⦁ "I had a major leg cramp today while walking with Beel today. After sitting down he asked if he could massage it to help. I agreed and it hurt so much at first!! He kept reassuring me through it though and after a while it stopped hurting. He told me I probably needed to drink more water and get some potassium. He also suggested I join him for his stretch warm ups to avoid cramps in the future. I had no clue he knew so much!"

⦁ "Beel is always so supportive and nice, he always makes my day brighter! I'm really glad to have him as a friend, a best friend even. Going to watch him at practice today, I'll make sure to bring his favorite snacks!"

Platonic (his reaction) ⦁ He didn't realize MC had left their wallet that day, he just remembered how they looked so down, and then when he asked them to eat with him at lunch, and gave them their food, their face lit up. He wondered if that was how he looked when MC gave him his favorite snacks. It wasn't hard for him to tell when MC really liked something, they had an excited expression every time they saw certain food, was it usually a hard thing to notice?

⦁ Beel remembered that day, how MC practically dropped to the ground clutching their leg. They told him it was a cramp and as soon as it stopped hurting so much, they could just walk it off. He scoffed at the memory, but was glad he taught MC something, and they had been joining him for his warm-up stretches since.

⦁ He was touched, he definitely saw MC as a close friend, they were his second favorite person, after his twin of course. He was glad he could make their day brighter, and felt guilty again because he was reading their diary. ⦁ He'd admit what he'd done later and apologize, hopefully MC wouldn't be too angry...

Belphie ⦁ MC texts him asking if he could bring their notebooks they forgot ⦁ They were having a study session but it turned into a nap session instead ⦁ He opens one of the notebooks to quickly scan over the notes they were supposed to study ⦁ These are not school related ⦁ This is their diary, and whats more, there's a lot about him in it ⦁ A wicked grin spreads across his face and he settles in to read what MC had to say about him.

Platonic (diary content) ⦁ "Oof today Belphie made me laugh so hard I could barely breath today! I had tears and everything. He was doing impersonations of his brothers and when he did Lucifer, I lost it! Even aside from that he has a great sense of humor."

⦁ "I forgot it was may day to cook and took a 3 hour nap. Luckily Belphie covered for me and came to wake me up when dinner was ready. I owe him big time, which owing Belphie something....is a scary thought. I'm sure it'll be fine though!"

⦁ "Lucifer was running me ragged today! on top of homework he was making me help him with his paperwork! Belphie saw me on my way back to Lucifer's office and grabbed me and told me I was going to take a nap with him since I looked like I was about to drop anyway. I tried to argue, but as soon as Belphie tossed me onto the pile of pillows and blankets, honestly I'm pretty sure I just passed out. I had to hear it from Lucifer later on, but Belphie made me laugh after so all in all it was worth it.

Platonic (his reaction) ⦁ He didn't realize MC thought he was actually funny, he thought they were laughing to make him feel better, but he remembered them near pissing themself when he mocked Lucifer and grinned.

⦁ Belphie went to remind MC it was cooking duty but saw they were asleep. He knew what it was like to be woken up from a nap, so he just figured they could return the favor later on. It was funny to him that they thought he would have something insidious in mind for repayment. He might have to think of something besides covering for him for cooking duty...

⦁ He remembered vividly seeing MC's haggard face and realized they were heading to Lucifer's office. They looked dead on their feet so he grabbed them up. Part of it was and excuse to nap with them, the other was to piss off Lucifer. And maybe a little bit of pity for them. He had listened in on some of Lucifer's lecture to MC, and had a lot of new material to mock him about that he wanted to share with MC.

⦁ He was going to tease them so much about carrying their diary around and leaving it for whoever to read.

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pokedash55 · 4 years ago

Text

Raincloud HC and Mini Fic

BENTHOMAAR/VANIA HC DUMP.

CAN BE READ PLATONIC OR ROMANTIC BUT THESE TWO WOULD BE PERFECT FOR EACHOTHER EITHER WAY

Inspired By @parachutingkitten

- They saw each other at the nya tribute but didn't get to actually meet

-Bentho became king of merlopians but struggles with citizens seeing him as a real king, as many still are distrustful of the surface world

-He has gluttonous there as the royal scientist and Gripe helps him out, but the citizens still don’t view him has a true king after what happened with Kalmaar

-Bentho and Vania have a cordial meeting for royal business

-Vania is struggling less with her people and more with her city economically recovering.

-Bentho wants to bind the kingdoms somehow, since her kingdom is so inland that if they had good relations with a mountainous region it's one step closer to accepting him.

-They are skeptical of SURFACE DWELLERS not humans so it's a good try.

-establishes trade and economic relations with each other. Maybe trade or sell deepstone and bioluminescent stones for jewelry and architecture in return for some shintaro product unavailable under the sea. Maybe a metal or type of cuisine? Not sure. Flowers perhaps since they have so many in the garden.

-Both relate to having less than respectable family members and share experiences with defeating them

-share new ruler problems they face and can relate to each other very well

-benthomaar can keep up with the bubbly energy of Vania and they both have a backbone to keep their bond from being too unhealthy, fluffy and overly optimistic.

-bentho has trauma from kalmaar's abuse and goes overboard to try and impress vania and thinks he has to be the best damn guy and best royal ally possible to keep her current friendship

-Vania is pretty easily impressed and is very vocal with her admiration so he'll be overwhelmingly happy and confused when she latches on so quickly.

-she'll show him around the sky city, bentho never been so high up, and can introduce him to her allies down below.

-Bentho loves the caves much more than the city in the sense that it's more comforting and all the underwater streams and lakes remind him of home.

-all streams lead to the ocean so I'm not surprised if they find out the water is connected to merlopian seas some how

- this can also work to compliment the kingdoms

- Like Merlopia can reach out and achieve diplomacy with another kingdom instead of being so islationist, and shintaro struggles with moving on from a unsustainable and horrific economic system so they could help eachother alot.

-Both very isolated so coming together may be a good step for both countries’

-Merlopians could be accepting of geckles and munce since they live below the surface, and the shintarins live high above it (so they couldn’t flood it even if they wanted to). It’s baby steps towards liking the rest of NINJAGO as a continent.

-When they become closer friends she Opts for calling him Ben or Benny, since she is so outgoing and bubbly like that, but immediately backtracks and asks if it was ok and apologizes, saying she went over the line

- He would stand up for himself and deny BENNY but I think Ben would be a cute name between the two uwu

-Benthomaar is naturally formal in his ruling and has to push himself to relax while Vania is very lax and friendly with her ruling but needs to push herself to be demanding and formal (She took awhile to use the “Princess” card against Halmaar, opting instead for mutual understanding)

-ok quasi-fic time

___________________________________________________________

FIC SKELETON (might finish writing someday but here’s the basics with some interaction)

summary: : They spend the day learning about each other kingdoms, and in turn eachother.

________________________________________________________________

CHAPTER 1: Shintaro

Vania goes about giving Bentho a tour of her city and he is overly courteous of her. She finds it cute at first but then she starts worrying if Benthomaar thinks she can’t handle herself.

Introduces Bentho to Chompy. He finds the dragon very cute and that gets a big smile out of him, really showing off his very sharp teeth. Chompy loves him immediately and starts to climb over him and sit on his head and stuff. Bentho reciprocates pretty much immediately, no stranger to the values of an animal's unconditional love. (The only love that ever seems unconditional in his experience.)

He has trust issues from Kalmaar and tries extra hard to earn love so he goes overboard sometimes, he’ll be the sort to open doors literally all the time, agree with her ideas more aggressively than is really needed, go out of his way to try and physically protect her from perceived threats, etc. Not knowing this fact, and being insecure about her own leadership skills, she thinks he is babying her, or worse, pitying her. She eventually tells him that she can indeed handle herself.

“I can handle myself Benthomaar, you don’t have to do all these things for me.”

“I… Know that”

“You’re very sweet and I appreciate your generosity but… this”, gestures to all the things he bought or given or made for her, and gestures to the situation they were in where he immediately went to protect her from, “simply is too much”

The walk back is a tad awkward after that. Bentho remarks he’s never been so high up before and he does seem very dry from the heavy winds and cold air.

Good thing it’s about time to show him the lower parts of the Kingdom anyway.

“Halmar, I am escorting Benthomaar down through the mountain. Can you be in charge while I’m gone.”

“As you wish my queen”

Benthomaar looked the armored man up and down. “Halmaar? Are you of royal blood too?” he asked.

“What?” Halmar bluntly questioned aloud to the merlopean king before sputtering out in a bow, “I mean, Pardon?... Your majesty”

“Benthomaar this is Halmar. My right hand advisor and head of our defensive force.”

“Oh. In my people, -Maar is given to that of royalty. ‘Halmaar’ means Brave Sea. ”

“Well I can assure you he’s very brave.” Vania beamed as Halmar recovered from his bow. “And will protect the city while I'm gone” she reminded him playfully, as she moved benthomaar out of the temple.

________________________________________________________________

CHAPTER 2: The Dungeons

Going through the dungeons vania remarks on her father’s previous ruling over it. They share stories and struggles.

Talks about her father and how the ninja came to help. Goes into the topic of her ruling struggles.

“Now that I have helped bring King Vangelis, my father I mean, to justice, people expect me to fix everything. They come to me asking for plans to retain Shintaro's glory, or with pleas for more funds. The people put so much faith in my father and, although his actions were Terrible… it made the city so wonderful for everyone living here. I don’t think I’ll be able to make Shintaro prosper the way he did. I love my people but they expect so much of me all at once. I admit It is very difficult to keep track of it all.”

“That sounds rough, but at least your subjects care for you. The people of Merlopia don’t see me as their king...and they have every right to. I helped the surface dwellers and my actions led to Kalmaar’s death. In their eyes I am a traitor…. Many don’t follow my commands unless they are directed through Gripe. It’s understandable they won’t respect me… I was adopted after all...”

“Well I respect you. Why, from the past--” counts on her fingers with a tongue sticking out “-- three hours I’ve officially known you, I’d say you’re a wonderful ruler! I hereby royally dub you a great king! You can tell your people that!”

*Small air laugh recovering from his Sadness* “Thank you, Vania. I don’t know how much they’ll regard a compliment from the mouth of a ‘surface dweller’, though”

*Smol vania /hj sad pout to one side*

“But I appreciate it, really!!” He corrected arms waving at his front, trying to recover from his previous, in his eyes, disrespectful remark (also in his eyes failing horribly at doing so. He needs to queen to like him. This isn’t going well and-)

“I know you do.” she beamed, “ Now Come on, I see the cart tracks we’re getting closer!!” she happily stated, almost skipping past the new King.

Bentho looked onward at the long haired blond who was trying to walk and balance on the rim of the track, and smiled with relief that she is so easy going at him. He essentially disregarded her royal decree to her face and she brushed it off like nothing. Trimaar had always honored heavy respect towards other royals but it seems this Queen runs things very differently. Even the day had been tame. It felt more like some playdate than an official royal gathering,but with how stressful becoming King had been it was a pleasant change of pace.

“Hey Bentho! We’re HEeeereee!” Vania waved excitedly as the other royal caught up to her standing near a steep ledge leading down to an opening with a large passageway.

Have to go down a large mountainous trench first to reach the dungeons. Benthomaar prepares to scale down the cliff but Vania brings out her wings and tells bentho to hold on. She flies him down the cave--

(Flying is vaguely exciting, but also vaguely terrifying. He’s never really had to deal with the possibility of falling before. Buildings in Merlopia aren’t that tall and you literally can’t fall underwater, there’s always something supporting you.)

The two meet up with the chancellor of the geckles first. He welcomes Queen Gania and her friend Genthomaar and he asks first for trial by mino, but Vania orders him off. Scoffing at her majesty’s boring overriding of their usual procedures he opts for a simple vote for bringing the new unfamiliar face to the munce queen. Bentho gets rocks thrown at him and the geckles cheer as they escort the two to where murtessa is. Vania giggles at him.

Next up is the muntz.

So she'd challenge him to a quick duel to see if he is a fitting ally. Naturally Benthomaar rocks with a spear, so he's good, but he'll be really confused at first and probably not want to fight her.

He doesn’t win, but Murtessa sees through his fighting that he has a good heart, and a brave one. She declares him an ally of the Munce. King Menthomaar. And then gives him a hearty slap on the back and invites them all to dinner. They politely decline (Vania, to preserve her stomach. Munce food is, ah, something else.)

Murtessa thinks Bentho is a good kid and a good fighter. She thinks it's funny how polite he is, though. Gives him some royal advice that he’d be a little better off if he would carry himself like a king. “Confidence! Important in every Munce ruler!”

Bentho finds her and Munce a bit...much, but they also kind of remind him of the Maaray back home so he also finds it kind of familiar. (Also he doesn’t know it, but shark Merlopians are kind of rough and tumble, too. Like Munce, but without tight knit families or a set kingdom.)

________________________________________________________________

CHAPTER 3: Merlopia

Goes back to the temple to discuss whats next.

“If we are going to be partners in this royal engagement, I think you should see My homeland. Merlopia”

Vania just laughs at his wording

“What did I say?” Genuine confused babi just trying to be overly courteous cause he feels like he must be a GOOD KING. ULTRA KING.

Brings her to the beach. He signals her to wait there and he dives into the water to ask nya for some help in bringing Vania down the depths. She knew the bare basics of what happened but seeing nya in such a state made her a tad saddened.

“Nya. Can you help bring my friend to Merlopia?”

Nya nods all slow and goddess like. “You helped me defeat Wojira, correct? For that I’ll grant you this.”

“Thank you, nya”

“That’s NYA??”

“Do I… know you.”

She just frowns at that question. She knew she and nya were not super close but to be forgotten like that. Ouch. “I guess not”

Nya makes a large air bubble and descends quickly down the depths. And like cool camera pans and junk and bentho is riding the wave nya is making outta the bubble and vania sticks her head outta the bubble for a sec to meet his gaze and feel the current go by. Fluff insues

“Don’t worry there is air in the palace”

Vania just loudly exclaims in relief cause honestly she was prepared to be living in a bubble forever.

Nya just...disintegrates. Which is a bit strange to see, even for Vania who usually likes weird stuff. But she doesn’t linger on it long because ooooohhh Merlopia is so pretty! I mean Shintaro is pretty too but this is a whole different kind of pretty. It’s like the gardens of Shintaro, but that’s the whole city. It’s so colorful compared to the flawless Ivory City.

They tour around a little bit, with Vania looking at everything in interest. She even likes the Royal Ripper Sharks (who are being treated a bit nicer now that Kalmaar is gone, and are sicced on people far less frequently than before.) Benthomaar gets a bit nervous when Gripe runs up to him with a bunch of kingly concerns and kind of tells him a lot of noncommittal responses.

Since they declined dinner with the Munce, Vania’s stomach starts rumbling, and she embarrassedly admits that she was pretty hungry.

Benthomaar invites her to dinner in Merlopia.

They eat while discussing trade stuff and diplomacy? (And also their day and the G&M and such.)

Also a fun chance to make up some Merlopian culture and food, and for him to share it with her. Unsurprisingly, it’s a lot of fish. But that’s honestly great because they don’t have a lot of that in Shintaro. There are a few streams a hike away that she's had every now and again, but for the most part fish isn’t something eaten often in Shintaro.

Benthomaar is pretty happy with this set-up because he had been eating dinner all by himself which was very lonely and wistful. It's much nicer with her company, and he needs her to know that, and really wants her to stay around and to like him so that they can do this again. So his super-manners-having-to-prove-himself-worthy-of-friendship kick in again and he starts getting super formal and passing her stuff and offering dishes a little overzealously and such and she's like "this again what the huh?"

“My lord, you're...doing it again.”

“Sorry, I’ll do better.”

“Better? You’re doing just fine. Really. The meal is great, the presentation is beautiful, and you’re being so kind. I just...don’t need this much attention at once, that’s all.”

No I’m not it’s not good enough. I’m not good enough. * frowns silently * *internal screaming *

They decide to meet again later to discuss trade and commerce deals and both bow goodbye after dinner, but soon as she leaves the dining room and gets lost roaming the temple (this palace is constructed like the caves how do they find anything) eventually ends back up at the dining room, where benthomaar is cleaning up the table and stacking the used dishes and they both realize that she can't get back up on her own. They share a laugh and Bentho promises to escort her back up.

Vania wonders why he is cleaning and not the palace servents so she decides to help him clean up, since it seems his people weren’t going to.

The end

(Also Nya is busy being a goddess somewhere else, so they’ll have to get her transportation back at a later date. With any luck there’s an air-breather-friendly manta saddle that they can use for her.)

________________________________________________________________

They are too precious for this world someone please do more of thisssss

#ninjago #ns15 spoilers #ns15 #ninjago seabound #ninjago seabound spoilers #benthomaar #ninjago benthomaar #ninjago vania #vania #Vania X Benthomaar #raincloudshipping #ninjago raincloudshipping #raincloud #ninjago nya #nya smith

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thegreenwolf · 5 years ago

Photo

(This post was originally posted on my blog at https://thegreenwolf.com/its-okay-to-not-hustle/)

There’s this meme going around Facebook right now, saying “If you don’t come out of this quarantine with a new skill, your side hustle started, or more knowledge, you never lacked time. You lacked discipline.” Thankfully multiple people have already skewered it, but it continues to be shared around by the sort of person who is trying to one-up everyone else, or who’s just plain clueless–or, for that matter, just trying to guilt you into buying whatever they’re selling.

Now, there’s not a damned thing wrong with self-promotion. That’s how indie artists, authors, and other self-employed folks get the word out. You have to be able to talk good talk in order to get people’s attention. But leading with this meme? Guilting people for not leaping from sudden unemployment straight into the thick of the ever-shifting gig economy? That ain’t gonna fly, Brocephus.

You Have Good Reasons to Slack

Excuse me while I dust off my counseling psych degree a sec, here. *ahem* We are in a very sensitive, turbulent time right now. We’re in the middle of a pandemic, the likes of which hasn’t been seen in a century in the Western world. We are in a hugely traumatizing situation here. Not just for the financial losses, but the fact that COVID-19 has killed thousands of people and left many more with permanent lung damage. We still haven’t gotten a handle yet on exactly how contagious this thing is, how long you’re contagious for, or whether you’re immune once you’ve had it, assuming you survive. We don’t have adequate testing, emergency rooms estimate that for every positive test there are 10-20 people out there infected and untested, and everyone with a cough is suddenly Schroedinger’s COVID case. Governments worldwide are slow to react in spite of the rising death toll. People have had friends and family die horribly from this thing in a short period of time. Even people who didn’t already have issues with anxiety, depression and other mental illnesses are feeling stressed, strained and scared–and, yes, traumatized. This image is guilt-tripping people who are actively being traumatized.

So we’re already starting with a populace that is dealing with this collective trauma, as well as whatever personal trauma each individual is experiencing. Not always easy to seize the day when you’re going through that. And I can think of a few other reasons that might further complicate this whole “Just get a side gig!” thing:

–They’re a parent who suddenly has all their kids at home, all the time, demanding time and attention and food, AND they still have to work eight hours a day from home, or maybe even more if their S.O. is unemployed/sick/etc. By the way, if someone trots out Isaac Newton or William Shakespeare or some other historical guy who managed to do epic things during a pandemic, remember that they usually had wives or servants to do all the laundry and cooking and cleaning and (if applicable) childcare for them.

–They’re disabled or chronically ill, and don’t have the ability/energy/etc. to just go and make something happen, just like that. Imagine if you just randomly got the fatigue from a really bad flu, and you never knew whether it was going to last a day or a month. And if you tried exerting yourself when you were feeling better, chances are you’d slip back into fatigue-land. That’s what a lot of my chronically ill/etc. friends have to deal with, to say nothing of issues with accessibility of resources for starting a side gig.

–They don’t have any money for the supplies needed to start a side hustle, or the supplies have been hoarded by hobbyists preparing for a Pandemic Staycation.

–They don’t have the skills for something that just requires what they already have (like, for example, writing on a laptop you already happen to own). Often these skills are things that can’t be perfected in a few weeks at home, but may take years to develop before they’re really marketable–like, for example, the skill to make a decent living on side hustles.

–They have anxiety, depression or other mental health conditions that make it hard to function even in the best of times, but even moreso in this…well…mess. Even people who were mentally healthy before are going to be developing diagnosable anxiety and depression disorders before all’s said and done. And speaking from personal experience, those of us who look successful on the outside can still be internally hamstrung by these conditions at times.

–Plus there’s the fact that we’re not supposed to, you know, leave our homes, which narrows down the field of potential side gigs by a lot.

Even doing something less financially-wrought like learning a new skill or subject takes time, energy, and sometimes money, any or all of which may be scarce for the reasons above and more.

Comparison is the Thief of Joy

I am saying all of this as someone who is arguably an expert on the side gig. I have spent the past eight and a half years 100% self-employed (and a lot longer doing it part-time) as an author and artist, able to cover all my bills and expenses, and for a time I was the primary breadwinner of a multi-person household. I have like ten different things I was doing for a living before this all hit, a pretty diverse set of streams of income, even if most of them just up and evaporated in the past few weeks. And while I’m definitely a hell of a lot leaner now than I was a month ago, I still have my head above water for the moment. So I think I know side gigs.

I’m one of the lucky ones. I’m overall healthy. I have a dog who is a lot less demanding of my time than kids would be. I have my own space where I can focus more or less without interruption. More importantly, I have the skills, the knowhow, the drive and the personality to go out and seek new opportunities. And I’m used to fluctuations in income, though admittedly this one’s unprecedented. Don’t gauge yourself by where I am now. I’ve spent twenty-two years building up my art business, my first book came out in 2006, and I’ve had a series of really good opportunities come my way that I had the privilege to be able to make the most of. I am not your measuring stick, so don’t say “Well, if she can do it why can’t I? I must suck!”

If you’re feeling crappy because you aren’t hopping to it and carpeing the diem and getting everything done, here’s what I have to say to you: Look, you just had your world turned upside-down. Job loss, scarce commodities, sudden lack of outside childcare, restricted movement and inability to be around much of your support system, and did I mention a pandemic is happening, too? Any single one of those things would be difficult for just about anyone to deal with, never mind all at once. And I don’t even know what all else has already been going on in your life–unstable or unsafe living situation, other health issues, breakups and other losses, interpersonal conflicts. You know, normal life stuff.

You’re Not Lazy, or Screwing Up, or (Gods Forbid) Undisciplined

It is totally okay if all you’re doing right now is surviving. It’s okay if you feel like you’re drowning, overwhelmed by all that’s happening both on a global level and more personally. It’s okay if all you can manage right now is to get out of bed and stumble through each day a moment at a time, struggling with a tidal wave of emotions. It’s okay if you’re just trying to keep your kids busy, dealing with a crowded home every single day, or trying to keep COVID-19 at bay. It’s okay if, instead of firing up DuoLingo or opening an Etsy shop, you spend your evenings vegging to Netflix or reading a book or playing hours and hours of Animal Crossing.

Not every moment in your life has to be about being productive even in the best of circumstances, and that goes exponentially so right now. Be patient with yourself, and be kind. You may be one of those folks who literally has to spend all their time scrabbling to try to cover the bills or get some leeway from bill collectors, and you have to dedicate your waking time hunting for resources just to try to get through this week. Believe me, I feel for you, I have a lot of friends in that situation right now, and I hope all of you can find some relief and assistance.

May I suggest something? If you have the energy for something more than the bare essentials of getting by, put that energy toward self-care, whatever you can manage under the circumstances. You can use it to recuperate, to rebuild your emotional and physical resilience. That way if things get rough again in the future, you have more internal reserves to build on. If your usual methods don’t work or aren’t accessible due to lockdown, ask others what they’re doing to keep themselves grounded in this trying time.

Just because you have more time doesn’t mean you don’t have to throw yourself right into something productive! Don’t feel pressured to just go-go-go the moment you have a little freedom to move. If you do decide you want to try a side gig, or a new skill, or learn all about some specialized topic of interest, go for it! If you have the energy and attention and opportunity to pursue something new, it can be a great coping skill during this traumatic time. Just don’t pressure yourself; keep it fun.

One last thing: I want you to save the image I have at the top of this post. And then if you see someone post that meme, saying “Come on, you lazy bums, get up and make that side gig happen! Learn new stuff! Do all the things! No excuses!” you pull out this version, and you look at the edits, you remember that it’s okay to be where you are, and you get back to doing things at your own pace no matter what someone else says. (I find visualizing stapling a printout of the edited version to the offender’s forehead to also be therapeutic, but that may just be me.)

Hang in there, okay? It’s going to be a rough time, but you’re not alone, and what you’re feeling right now is shared by so many people. So just let yourself be where you are in this moment, and we’ll see what hope tomorrow brings. And remember that whatever you’re capable of in this moment: it’s enough.

Did you enjoy this post? Please consider supporting my work on Patreon, buying my books here on my website, buying my art and books on Etsy, or tipping me at Ko-fi!

#COVID-19 #mental health #executive dysfunction #anxiety #depression #mine

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sproutsgcrden · 3 years ago

Text

sentinel of naruhata | chapter two

mr. nice guy

warnings: graphic descriptions of violence, one short scene implying sexual harassment (non-graphic), manga spoilers for my hero academia: vigilantes

word count: 3383

previous chapter | masterlist | read on ao3 | next chapter

want to be tagged? send me an ask and let me know!

If someone had told Koichi that he would get jumped, well, he may have believed them. That’s not too uncommon, especially around Naruhata. And it really wouldn’t be odd if it happened to him specifically. He just had that kind of luck. However, if they had also mentioned that a nine-year old would jump in and save him, he’d be a bit skeptical.

He honestly didn’t know if he quite believed what he had witnessed. One moment he was about to get hit by a guy he had managed to piss off earlier in the day, and the next some kid had shown up seemingly out of nowhere, threatening to steal his attacker’s quirk. Koichi didn’t think that was possible. Sure, there had been copying quirks, and erasure quirks were rare, but a quirk that allowed a person to take another quirk? That didn’t seem right, at least, it didn’t seem too entirely possible. A quirk is an integral, unique part of each individual- there’s no way somebody can take that, right? He could be wrong, it wasn’t like he was studying quirk theory.

As soon as the kid hightailed it out of the store with his strange assortment of items, Koichi knew he’d been in for it. He had already been late to work today because of the whole fiasco from earlier. He didn’t mean to run into Spiky Dude- it had just happened! Yeah, maybe he shouldn’t have been using his quirk in public, but he was running late! And then, of course, Spiky Dude just had to show up at the same convenience store Koichi worked at, and had to rough him up on the same day he was late. His manager was already absolutely pissed, and Koichi really didn’t want to stick around any longer than he had to in fear of a lecture, or something worse.

Luckily for him, he was nearing the end of his shift by the time Spiky Dude had entered the store, and the kid had helped him waste a lot of time due to the insane amount of items he was purchasing. All he had to do was clock out and sneak out of the door, which should be fairly easy. After punching out on the system and closing the register, Koichi grabbed his bag and began to get ready to leave.

“Haimiwari.” Koichi closed his eyes in disappointment, sighing before turning around with a fake grin.

“What can I do for you, sir?”

The angry tapping of the shoe really should have been enough warning, in hindsight.

------

The streets of Naruhata were busy for the late hour, not too unusual but it was something that Koichi didn’t want to bother with after the night he had. Of course that stunt had gotten him fired. Perfect. It wasn’t like it was his fault! He was the victim in all of this! What, did his boss really think that he wanted to get dragged into an alleyway and get beat up? Koichi grunted as he walked around a slow-placed couple. He would have to find another job and fast. Rent was coming up, and he still had payments due on his tuition. His left hand adjusted the strap of his backpack while his right passed over his face. This was too stressful to think about right now.

There was something he knew he could to help take his mind off of things for a while. Koichi’s eyes narrowed in determined concentration. Yeah, tonight was a good night for that.

------

The wind rushed through Izuku’s loose hair, tousling it beyond fixing. It felt wonderful, racing across the rooftops of an unknown city in the dead of the night. He was barely let out of his room and the training hall on good days- he could never hope to leave the confines of Kurogiri’s watchful eye. Which, unfortunately, meant that it was a rare opportunity to go outside… ever.

Izuku let out a harsh giggle, letting it echo in the air with a wide smile. He had never felt so free.

Slowing to catch his breath, Izuku pulled a wrinkled, old notebook out of his bag. Skimming through the pages, he stopped on the last entry he made. When researching Eraserhead, it wasn’t that hard to find out that the underground hero mainly patrolled in the Narahata Ward. However, it was a bit more difficult to find out specific times and locations of his daily patrols. He assumed that it changed quite frequently due to Eraserhead’s cryptid-like nature, but it was still frustrating to not know exactly where to find the hero. Especially since he wasn’t aware how much time he had before Tomura caught on to where he was.

However, Izuku did have a few locations that seemed to be promising. Most of them were hidden back alley’s, which made perfect sense. A majority of petty crimes took place during the day- they were a beacon to spotlight heroes, those who lived off the praise and popularity from civilians. But the nasty, evil villains? Oh, Izuku knew from experience that the worst of the worst were always found in the dead of night. Underground heroes always had to be on their toes, and it spoke volumes to Eraserhead’s vigilance that he’s remained pretty much untouchable and unnoticeable to those who wished ill intent.

Pulling up the map on his outdated phone, he inputted the first location he had written in his notebook. The specific alley was only about three blocks away. With a manic grin, Izuku pulled up the hood of his jacket and let Enhance swim through his veins once more.

------

The discs of air underneath Koichi’s palms lit up with a familiar burst of light, making the nineteen gleefully chuckle. The feeling of his signature All Might hoodie snugged tight over his torso provided him with an unexplainable comfort, as did the plain black mask covering the lower half of his face.

Koichi was inexplicably known for his plain nature at college (save for the rumors that said he was some creep that tried to lure girls into abandoned buildings. He really was just trying to make friends!), so it wasn’t like anyone would expect him to be the vigilante that ran around Naruhata at night.

Well, he supposed the word “vigilante” was a bit of an exaggeration. It wasn’t like he sought out and fought criminals, he just used his quirk to get around a bit faster and help out the common man. Koichi lost out on his chance of being a hero a long time ago, but that didn’t mean that he couldn’t help people when he had a bit of free time. As Mr. Nice Guy, he was able to get a glimpse of what he had dreamed about being his entire life.

Koichi zoomed through the lit up streets of Naruhata, providing directions to the lost, helping find missing items, and picking up bits of random trash. Everytime he received a “thank you” his eyes lit up- it was nice to be appreciated sometimes. The chorus of grateful civilians echoed within his mind as he continued to do good deeds throughout the night. After a few hours, he found himself moseying down a side road in hopes of heading home.

“All that do-gooding sure does make a guy thirsty.” He slipped down his mask, mumbling mostly to himself as he readjusted the straps of his bag.

A water bottle was thrust in front of him, followed by a peppy voice. “Here ya go!”

Koichi took the water bottle without thanking, shouting a quick “thank you” to whoever handed him the drink. And then, once he realized what had just happened, immediately did a double-take. Wide eyes looked over to the side of the road, only to see a young girl with pink, puffy pigtails staring at him with a bemused smirk.

“Pop Step?!” Koichi straightened his posture. “What are you doing here?!”

Ignoring his question, she began to walk out in front of him, hands stuffed in the pockets of her jacket. “So… you’re the guy picking up trash around town?” Her hand went to frame her cheek in wonder. “What’s your name again? Cockroach Guy?”

Wide, admiring eyes became downtrodden in an instant, an annoyed glare taking their place. “It’s Nice Guy!”

“Whatever! You’re the one who alerted me to the fuzz during my show, right? I wanted to say thanks, somehow!”

Koichi was the one who let her know the police were coming when she was performing her illegal street show earlier in the day. He didn’t care much for her music, but that didn’t mean he wanted to see her get arrested. Either way, he wasn’t sure why that provided an excuse to essentially stalk him. “So, you’ve been tailing me all day, huh?”

“Yup! I saw you almost get pummeled by those customers while you were working at that convenience store! I probably wouldn’t have stepped in either way, but wow! You were lucky when that little kid showed up, huh? Gotta admit, Cockroach Guy, that was pretty lame!”

“I don’t do well with violence, okay!” Koichi felt his eye twitch in annoyance; it was probably time to get out of this conversation before he lost his temper.

Pop Step’s face twisted with confusion. “Isn’t that dweeby hoodie supposed to be an All Might cosplay? And yet, you suck at fighting? That totally makes sense…”

“Sure, I look up to the guy. I wanna be useful to society however I can, just like he is! It’s got nothing to do with fighting! And the hoodie isn’t dweeby! It’s cool!”

“However you can?” Pop Step giggled, using her quirk to jump ust high enough to appear a little taller than Koichi. “So you know your place, at least!”

Koichi clenched his teeth in frustration, stepping around Pop Step to try and speed around her. “Stop getting hung up on the details! Knowing your place is important! If you keep playing at being some sort of pop idol, the cops will catch you sooner than later.”

Pop’s face scrunched up with a flash of anger, and if Koichi hadn’t had the night he had, he may have even been terrified. “Hey! I’m not ‘playing’ at anything! I’m the real deal!” She sped up, stopping in front of him as she pointed a perfectly manicured finger in his face. “You’ll just have to keep an eye out for the police! Also, I’ll need you to usher in my fans, set up the venues, and sell some merchandise!”

“Are you pissed off or hiring me for a job?!”

“Don’t you need one? Wouldn’t be surprised if you got fired after what happened!” Pop didn’t even take a moment to notice Koichi’s crestfallen glance towards the wall. “Anyways! If anyone can help me, it’s you- Know Your Place Guy!”

“Ugh. It’s Nice Guy!”

“Oh whatever!” Pop Step turned away from Koichi in order to run further down the alley, sparing him a glance backwards as she made her getaway. “I went through all of this trouble to express some gratitude… I didn’t think it’d be such a big deal, asking a ‘Nice Guy’ like you to do a little work to help a girl out!”

Koichi, good mood effectively ruined once again, went to bite back with a response. That was, until a familiar group popped into his view. He flinched as he saw Pop Step run straight into the leader, none other than the Spiky Dude who threatened to pummel Koichi into the ground just hours before. He could do nothing but stare as the group cornered Pop Step up against the wall, no doubt making her uncomfortable. Probably much more so than he was when he was in her position.

Now, if Koichi were a hero, this is when he would pull out all of the stops. He would crouch low to the ground, speeding to the men terrorizing the young girl and knocking them all on their asses. He would make sure he sped Pop Step to a safe location before coming back to make sure those bozos got arrested like they deserved. But, Koichi wasn’t a hero. And he would never be one. What could he do? His quirk was essentially useless in a fight. The only thing he was good at was running away.

But didn’t he have a duty to try and help? After all, if he couldn’t find the strength to help a young girl in this kind of situation, how could he try to help anyone else? With shaky legs and a determined glint in his eyes, Koichi bent low to the ground. The familiar pulse of his quirk activating below him provided little comfort, but he knew he had to push through this fear and go.

Mask pulled up, Koichi flew against the dirty pavement, locking eyes onto one of Spiky Dude’s lackeys. Now, if he could just get by unnoticed this time, he could knock this guy off his game and get Pop out of there. But of course, things never go Koichi’s way. That’s his luck.

The man caught him, large physique towering over him. The small tuft of flame acting as his hair cast an eerie shadow against the ground. “Well, well, well… look who we have here! Hey, boss! It’s the cockroach from earlier!” Still holding onto the back of Koichi’s hoodie, the large criminal threw him against the wall.

The pain of his head hitting against the rough edges of brick didn’t compare to the spikes slashing against his cheek.

“That annoying brat ain’t here to save you this time.” Spiky Dude’s eyes seem to glow in the dark night, and Koichi couldn’t ignore the sinister feeling pooling in his gut. “You ain’t getting away with just a small beating this time. I’m going to crush you. And I’m gonna enjoy it.”

The spiky criminal stalked closer to him; Koichi’s eyes immediately latched onto the blood dripping from the thick barbs protruding from the knuckles of his enemy. Shit. Shit. What could he do?! He really was going to die. Koichi shut his eyes in gruesome anticipation, hoping that at least Pop Step was using this opportunity to get away. A rush of air flew past his nose, and he blinked slowly. Looking up, Koichi locked eyes with Spiky Dude. The skewers had vanished from his knuckles, and the same, pale look of absolute petrification the criminal wore earlier in the night was on his face once more.

“Didn’t I tell you I wasn’t going to warn you next time?” The familiar voice of the kid that had stepped in during Koichi’s earlier encounter with this group echoed through the street, venom and animosity clear as day in his tone. Even Koichi shrunk into himself in fear. His wandering eyes latched onto a figure leaning down from the rooftop above, All Might hoodie bright against the black of night.

“I was looking for Eraserhead, but maybe I can do his job for him tonight and knock you fucker’s out.” Holy shit, what was up with this kid?

Koichi had noticed earlier that the kid had bright green eyes, but they seemed almost electrified, bright green sparks lighting off in his pupils as his glare deepened. He jumped off the roof, floating just above the ground before he hit it at full speed. His hand was held out, and Koichi glanced at the numerous scars stretching against the palored skin.

While Spiky Dude was distracted, Koichi took the opportunity to get back on his hands and feet, and forced himself to crash into the lizard looking man that was still holding onto Pop Step. She used the momentum from Koichi along with her quirk to jump out of the way and out of the alley. In his happiness of the fact that Pop was able to make a getaway, he wasn’t able to stop his momentum. Koichi ended up crashing straight into the other wall, the force of it knocking out the criminal he held tight in his grip.

“There’s no need for that!” A deep, grudd voice echoed from the other side of the street, and before anyone could react, a large fist connected straight into Spiky Dude’s nose. “The name’s Knuckleduster. And it’s my job to take out the trash like you.” Koichi barely even blinked, and the next moment the other tone was conked out right beside the leader.

What the fuck was happening?!

------

Izuku sighed in relief as he felt the rubber band snap against the quirk he held in his grasp, sending it back to its original owner as some random old man knocked him out. He didn’t want to steal a quirk, but that dude really wasn’t going to give him any choice. Luckily some geezer showed up before he could make good on his threat. He watched the man with a careful stare, seeing as he checked each of the criminal’s tongues before standing back up. His red sneakers crunched against the pavement as he lowered himself back to the ground; he walked towards the cashier he met earlier and held his hand out for him to take.

The man sitting across from him scratched the back of his head in a sheepish manner, choosing to take Izuku’s hand in order to get back up. “Uh, suppose that’s twice you’ve saved me, huh kid? We really have to stop meeting like this.”

Izuku chuckled, nodding his head in agreement. A cough sounded behind the two of them, and they both turned around to find the old man staring straight into their souls. Knuckleduster’s bandana covered his entire head, including the top half of his face, only leaving holes to see out of. His black trench coat was grimy, not to mention ripped on the hemlines. Everything about this screamed “homeless old man”, even down to the gritty way the man seemed to fight.

Izuku couldn’t help but think the man seemed familiar.

“You take quirks or something, kid?” The man’s eyes narrowed, his already gruff voice deepened.

“No! I don’t take quirks! I was just playing a bluff, really!” Technically, Izuku wasn’t lying. He hadn’t ever willingly taken a quirk before. “I have an erasure quirk! That’s why I’ve been looking for Eraserhead. I’m hoping he’s willing to train me.” Now, there’s the lie.

“Hmph.” Knuckleduster’s eyes stayed on Izuku a little while longer, tense silence following before he shrugged it off. “You both show promise. Gotta admit, when I heard about Naruhata’s newest vigilante, I wasn’t expecting him to have a sidekick.”

Both Izuku and Koichi stared at him in shock, making the old man laugh. It was a hearty laugh, scratchy and sarcastic. “People are gonna make that sort of assumption when you’ve got two kids helping fight crime in the exact same hoodie.” The two boys flushed, causing Koichi to shake his head.

“We just met today.”

“So? Doesn’t mean the two of ya don’t work well together. I almost didn’t need to come down here. If it weren’t for the threat of Trigger I probably wouldn’t have. Don’t know if it’s luck or not, but these thugs didn’t have a trace of the drug on ‘em.”

“Trigger?” Izuku knew what he was talking about. His father was one of the main benefactors of the production and distribution of the drug. Or well, he was before he got forced into a coma. He had originally thought the distribution would slow after the underworld had found out about All for One’s current medical status, but it seems that wasn’t the case.

Knuckleduster waved it away. “I can explain that later. After you two accept my offer.”

Koichi paled, backing away from the crazy old man. “What offer?”

A sinister grin formed its way onto Knuckleduster’s face, making the duo in front of him back away even further. “Let me teach you kids what it takes to do hero work, and how great it feels to pound some villains!”

Koichi thought this man was absolutely insane and would only lead him to more trouble.

Izuku thought that he had enough training from the villains themselves.

They met each other’s gaze before turning back to Knuckleduster.

“We refuse your offer.”

#bnha vigilantes fanfic #bnha vigilantes #koichi haimawari #kazuho haneyama #midoriya izuku #afo is hisashi midoriya #midoriya has a quirk #midoriya has all for one #midoriya fanfic #deku fanfic #deku au #bnha au #bnha fanfic

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alch3mic · 4 years ago

Text

in between. (drabble series)

chapter four (stitches.)

captain!sans x gender neutral reader. 3k+ word count.

please be advised for themes of anxiety, ideas of loss, depression, and self esteem.

* finally at the fourth chapter with our dear fellswap sans, captain! he also has no official fic yet but has his own tag here on my tumblr if you’d like to know more about him! thank you and i hope you enjoy!

A project.

That's all this was meant to be.

Something to keep him preoccupied in his free time, now that he seemed to have more time on his hands than he knew what to do with.

Somewhere to put his focus, instead of thinking about things.

Instead of stressing about things.

Instead of.. worrying about.. 'things'.

Like this.. 'thing'.. attached to him.

...

"ya can't just keep pacin' around bro."

Sure he could.

He could pace around as much as he wanted. It was his boat dammit, and he'd walk around it as he pleased, from the bow to the stern, topside and back.

"Shouldn't you be resting?"

No.

How could he? There was work to be done.

All his life he had filled himself with his work. It was all he knew.

Work.

Work

Work.

Work

From his time as a child, working to take care of his younger brother to ensure he was brought up properly to his time in the royal guard working hard every day to support them and make sure they both survived that horrid Underground. Even on the surface he worked and worked and worked, to regain his position as a monster worthy of fear and respect after the humans had stripped them of everything and leaving them to rot like strays on the street.

Every minute of every day he worked.

Most days he even dreamed of it.

Which is exactly why it was so difficult to sit still, even at your request.

"You really should just take it easy, Sans. Didn't Undyne say to not stress yourself out?"

She did, but it didn't matter.

He was in a constant state of being stressed.

Stressed was how he operated.

Stressed was all he knew.

His body could never give him the pleasure of just 'taking it easy', constantly buzzing, constantly wanting to be in motion. At times he envied his brother for being able to let things go and just kick back, but... that was exactly why he worked so hard wasn't it?

So that his brother could relax without a worry in that thick skull of his..?

Of course.. he knew Papyrus went through his own troubles.. it's just...

Gah.

This free time was now filling his head with unnecessary thoughts, even as he tried his best to busy himself by patrolling his own boat.

..Which was only adding to his stress...

"Lets try a hobby. What do you normally do for fun?"

Think of you.

Well..

He didn't have to now that you were here with him.

He could just spend time with you instead of daydreaming about it.

And he did.

You humored him by relaxing together topside with him and Papyrus, enjoying the salty breezes of the ocean and the warm summer rays. The two of you would chat in his bed for hours, laughing and telling stories of the past as you laid close. You'd help him, by offering an arm when he wore himself out or when he needed help doing something that required two hands. Everything from opening jars to preparing dinner or even tying his shoes.

It was..

Ah, dammit it was so humiliating.

..And also made him strangely happy?

He was.. happily humiliated?

..Humbled?

..Stars.

He never had anyone taken care of him before, so his pride was taking a major blow every time you offered to help. A part of him was glad you'd always ask first so he'd at least get to attempt at doing it by himself but.. it was also humiliating to give in. He was too stubborn for his own good, never having anyone extend a hand for him neither below ground or on the Surface.

Still you never seemed bothered.

You never batted an eye when he'd turn to you. Sometimes all it took was a look from him and you just knew, without having any words be spoke. Having that kind of connection was..

Incredible.

It had been something the both of you had obviously over the years, but only now it was showing itself in the mundane parts of your lives now that you were with him. Normally it had been when you locked eyes in a fight in the streets of Ebott, and he could see the whole encounter play out in his mind. How you'd swing, how he'd shoot. How you both would nearly hit each other both on purpose and on accident.

Like a dance with death only the two of you could perform.

And how beautifully you danced for him..

Now.. having that connection manifest positively, in quiet agreements and silent conversations that took only seconds to have, really drove home the fact that times have changed.

That he was no longer the skeleton he was before.

He had you now, which was different.

You were his.

And he was yours.

Though.. in truth you always had a part of soul with you even if you never realized it.

And he always had Papyrus by his side.

That could never change.

But now.. he also had..

That.

The 'thing'.

An arm.

That.. didn't belong to him.

It was attached, sure, but..

It was foreign.

Heavy.

A burden.

It was consequences of his actions taken form of something that use to be, but no longer was. Like a cruel symbol of mockery, forever attached to his own broken body. There was nothing but the tickling of a sensation of pain, like a phantom dancing across his bones, from a limb that was no longer there. The magic in his scapula hummed louder than the rest of his body, always catching his attention as it had been enhanced to support the weight of his new arm. It was irritating and constant, like a buzz he couldn't be rid of no matter how loud his thoughts were or tried to be.

Always there.

Always ringing in his skull.

It was driving him crazy, adding to the mounting stress.

"FOR FUN? EASY. TRAP MAKING. ANALYTICS. READING THE STOCKS AND NEWS."

"Well that's depressing."

"STAYING INFORMED IS IMPORTANT, DARLING."

"And so is your mental health, Sans. Ignoring this won't make it go away you know."

The metallic hand closed on a reflex when he felt your gaze upon it.

He didn't like it, despite how incredible Undyne's work was. She had studied him for weeks while he recovered in her intensive care, all so she could make an exact replica of his now missing arm. It looked just like the real thing only casted in asatollite, a type of metal found in the Underground that could conduct magic. No wires. No heavy plating. Just an arm, moved by his own magic.

An impressive feat really, but he felt no pride in this.

..Only shame.

As someone who had lived their life known for cutting it close time and time again, this was now all the proof someone needed that they could actually lay their hands on him. There was a chance that someone could hit and do some serious damage.

For some, that would be enough to push their determination over the edge.

The proof that he couldn't dodge forever.

And here it was, glinting under the soft afternoon sunlight that filtered into his quarters.

This... was his decline wasn't it?

..He could feel it in his bones.

Here marked the end of his reign of terror as Captain, the scarred skeleton who ruled the docks of Ebott City with an iron fist. Now that once unrelenting grip which strangled the life of rats out of the marine failed to even grasp a pen properly.

It stung in such a strange way that he almost didn't know how to describe it.

It was a unsightly fall from grace, paired with happiness and misery.

He was muddled with complicated feelings that really didn't have proper words, and so instead of spending his days thinking about it while lying in bed, he paced around his ship.

"Is there anything you've ever wanted to learn?"

He only learned what was necessary.

Languages to properly communicate with associates, skills like learning to shoot with a gun so that he could avoid having his magic traced back to him, and cooking so he could make sustainable meals when he and Papyrus had nothing..

They weren't things he did for fun, they were necessary.

What else could he learn that was necessary?

"HOW ABOUT TEACHING ME TO CUT A BULLET LIKE YOU DID BACK IN THE 'SISCO EXCHANGE."

"I'm not teaching you that."

"AND WHY'S THAT?"

"I don't need to make you any more dangerous than you already are you bonehead. I meant something fun! Like.. maybe a sport?"

"I THROW DARTS. I ALSO SHOOT."

"I.. Okay I guess that counts," you said, glancing to the wall of his quarters where the board was set up.

It's true it was a dart board hanging on the wall, but it was littered with photos of thugs and politicians, a dart neatly nailed through their head. It honestly looked like more of an omen of things to come rather than a hobby.

"Anything else?"

...

"I PLAYED THE VIOLIN FOR A SHORT WHILE."

"You did?"

"YES. BACK IN THE UNDERGROUND. I FOUND ONE IN THE DUMP AND TAUGHT MYSELF TO PLAY WHEN I DISCOVERED PAPYRUS LIKED THE WAY IT SOUNDED. IT WOULD HELP PUT HIM TO SLEEP ON SOME OF THE ROUGHER NIGHTS."

"Aww. Maybe you could think about picking it back up. I'd love to hear you play!"

He would, eventually.

For right now.. the task seemed so daunting now that he had..

...That.

"..But maybe not yet."

Another silent conversation, passed by only the glint in his eyesocket. Once again he was glad he didn't have to openly admit he might struggle with learning something like that again but.. a small pass of shame also washed over him. He'd love to play for you, to maybe even create his own music to reflect the feelings you gave him in his soul, but to move this metallic.. 'thing'.. to play would be..

He'd become frustrated, just like with everything else.

"AND WHAT DO YOU DO TO RELAX MY DEAR?"

"Me? I usually sew or knit."

Right. Costumes. That’s why you asked to have your own space in that free room on the ship. You had mentioned it once before, how you use to do costuming back in the day for plays and helped your father who worked as a tailor until...

Hm.

"YOU SELL YOUR PIECES DON'T YOU?"

"Just to a few people. I make dresses for Mr. Rose's granddaughter and Rumpelstiltskin still orders some pieces for his wife. I also send some more elaborate stuff the Prince's way every once in awhile and I even still get requests from Mama Bear even after they disappeared off into the forest. I think they might finally have a Baby Bear on the way because they asked about knitting a little blanket a few days ago."

...

He.. tried to not humor the thought of just sailing away from this city with you, like that lucky bastard did with his spouse when he took off into the woods. Of course he couldn't, he knew Papyrus would stay here with Happy and he'd never want to be far from his brother.

Still...

It was a tempting idea.

"I could always teach you. It's a pretty good skill to just learn how to hand stitch to mend clothing and it really isn't too complicated."

He relented ...of course.

Because he always did to you, with that smile on your face and the hum in your tone.

.....

Learning from you had been everything he hoped for, with you sitting close to him as you taught him how to thread a needle. You were patient with him as he struggled, his hand shaking as he did his best to will his magic to move. You were gentle as you taught him to stitch carefully and slowly, following along side as you guided him every step of the way.

...He'll never forget the way you laughed at his first pass though.

He had been so damn.. angry!

Really, you had the nerve to laugh even when he did his best!

You were the worst, which is why exactly he had to pin you down and tickle you until you couldn't breathe. At least he could use that wretched metal arm to press your hands above your head as you desperately tried to wrestle out of his hold until you were flushed and gasping for breath.

His next attempt was alone late at night, when even the stars on the deck above couldn't quell his thoughts. They ran wild in his head, stampeding and thrashing about.

At his failures.

At his mistakes.

At the humming in his shoulder and the arm that ached despite not being there. So he tried to not think about it as he quietly threaded the needle under the dim yellow lights in his quarters. The quiet creak and groan of the boat was his only accompaniment along your soft breathing from the bed as you peacefully slumbered away.

In and out.

He timed his stitches with your breaths, pushing the needle through the felt and then back again as he sewed the two pieces of scrap fabric together. It was strange how difficult this was, willing his fingers to move while simply pushing and pulling a needle. His jaw would tense as his hand shook at times and failed to grasp the needle, and then he'd hear you let out a sigh and he'd relax again.

In and out.

Until the stitch was done.

Until he hushed the wild thoughts in his head and put his stress to bed.

Until he could no longer deny himself your company and he'd fall back to your side, finally delving into the depths of sleep.

He spent many days and nights like this, a fire ignited in his soul to hear your praise the first time.

"Seems like your stitched are getting tighter. Nice work there, Cap."

That was all he needed.

Your words. Your smile. The exigent that reflected in your beautiful eyes. You were proud of him, and it made him work all the harder as he sat with you in the room you had taken for your sewing. This place had been your sanctuary, something he once avoided entering to at least give you a little room for yourself on the ship, but now he found reassurance in it as well.

The whir of your sewing machine had become a comfort, able to drown out the buzz in his head as he worked beside you. Soft colorful fabrics lined the shelves in the wall and a half finished dress would decorate a mannequin or two. The both of you would drink coffee and chit chat as he tried to get lost in the motions of hand stitching pieces of scrap fabric together.

He didn't want to constantly strain himself to move his arm.

He wanted it to be natural.

He wanted to use his hand without a second thought.

He wanted it to be like..

How it use to be.

But it could.. never really be like it use to be.

And he struggled and struggled and struggled.

In the weeks that had dragged by, both you and Papyrus had picked up small gigs to help patch the hole his injury was leaving.

Sans was... or had been.. the bread maker.

He always prided himself on providing by running the docks, able to keep his rather lavish lifestyle alive by delivering cargo from overseas to sellers like the Fell brothers and the other croons of this city, but the two of you had insisted on him resting, so his businesses and trades had all but halted.

You were still far off from ever putting a dent in his savings, but the two of you worked regardless to ease his stress.

..Because somehow, even having the back up funds prepared for events like this, didn't stop Sans from stressing.

The only part that annoyed him about it was that you had less time to teach him. You focused more on your commissions, so Sans would leave you in peace to your quiet room and stitch in his quarters.

He hadn't really decided what he wanted to work towards from stitching. It had simply become a tool to help train his fingers, so now that he could sew what was he suppose to do with the skill?

...

....

.....

It was a quiet afternoon in his quarters, the low hum of a forgotten radio on his desk as a deep voice rattled off the daily news mixed with a garble of static. Being so far out into the marine meant the reception wasn't good, but he could pick up key terms as the voice drawled on. Another murder on the west side, some more fights in the south and some re-election news. Not like it mattered who was in charge these days. The faces changed but at the end of the day these suits always lined their pockets with bloodied dollar bills. This city was rotted to it's core, just like it's people, and it'd stay that way until it was burned to the ground.

Sans' eyelights drifted down to the book in front of him.

'Stuffed Plushies For Beginners!'

The title almost felt condescending, just like the colorful pictures and simple wording that decorated each page. He still couldn't help but twist his frown deeper at the fact that you bought him a children's book of all things, paired with that sharp little grin of yours and that infectious laugher. It had been too much.. Which is why he snatched the damn thing out of your hands when you gave it to him.

"To help decide what you want to do with your new skill! Maybe you can finally make something instead of just stitching scraps together you dork."

He would never turn down a challenge, especially from you, and he was eager to have your approval again.

"AND WHAT EXATLY SHOULD I SEW?"

"Just pick something you're interested in and sew it. They have a lot of animals in there! You do at least like one kind of animal, don't you?"

Dogs, because they were loyal.

Cats, because they could fend for themselves.

Birds, because of their freedom.

But making something based of them didn't quite appeal to Sans.

'Basic Plushie Pattern.'

...

"hey bro, i wanted to ask- oh my stars."

"AH-!" Sans inhaled, squeezing the doll in his grasp and nearly tearing at it with his claws. "YOU-! WOULD YOU KNOCK!?"

"you actually made a plushie of them. wow," his brother hummed, "and here i thought your obsession couldn't get any wo-"

WHOOMPH.

The pillow made direct contact with Papyrus' face, earning a laugh from the taller skeleton. Sans barked out a few more insults as his brother continued to giggle, admiring what he had finished so far.

It.. looked like crap.

Some of the stitches were lopsided and others weren't uniform, but he wanted to see this through before his frustrations got the better of him. So with some encouragement from Papyrus he kept at it, finishing the body and then attaching the head.

"Pahahaha! Captain!"

"WHAT!?"

"You! Ehehe! You-! Of.. of me!"

"LOOK, JUST TELL ME IT'S TERRIBLE SO I CAN BE RID OF THE ACURSED THING ALRIGHT?"

"No! No. Absolutely not! I'm keeping this forever and you can never take it away from me!"

He gritted his teeth and attempted to wrestle the doll from your grasp but to no avail. You hugged it close and refused to relent, calling it precious and a testament to his efforts.

All of his hard work..

To a doll..

That looked like you.

"Are you going to make one of you?" you asked, letting out a few breaths as he finally gave up trying to grab the doll from your grasp.

"AND WHY WOULD I DO THAT?"

"Well I don't want them to be lonely."

...

How could he... ever argue with that.

So begrudgingly he sewed again, this time now more aware than ever of that 'thing' as it worked meticulously to create a replicate of itself. The doll's left arm, sewn together with a deep gray metallic fabric, now shared the same shame he did.

...

Strangely enough, it suited him.

...

"They look cute together."

"ONE ON THE RIGHT HAS SEEN BETTER DAYS."

"I still think he's pretty cute. He's trying his best, after all."

Well.. he certainly couldn't argue with that either.

#look at that!#we made it!#cap's is a lil' more fluffier than the others so i hope you guys enjoy it!#captain!sans #sans #undertale #fellswap #fellswap sans #undertale fic #yandere sans #long post #fic #fanfiction #drabble #anxiety tw #depression tw #alch!writes #inbetween!fic

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