#it should pass in a few days
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#actually reading an angsty fic while being sad and tired wasn't the best idea#'cause now i'm crying on top of things#(also angry with my self cause i should be enjoying the trip but i'm not in the good mindset and get suck in a negative/not objective mood)#and now i need to get ready for my day#it should pass in a few days#ame rambles#ame travels
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Started looking at a few of ur artworks and Im absolutely blown away with how unique it looks!
Starting as a beginner artist, was it hard to find ur niche and audience? Or was this something u never really thought about/ realised?
Funnily enough I had the opposite in terms of trying to find an audience when starting out. A lot of my earlier art was just a bunch of random furry ocs/nonsensical doodles/etc just trying to hop on whatever art bandwagon was going on to try and fit in and prove myself as an artist. It was only when I realized I wanted to create impactful art for myself, along with wanting my art to be something that can stand alone and not have to be influenced by context for the viewer to connect with it, that really let me start creating the work I make now. After shifting to more personal work I found people were a lot more receptive to my work, and I just managed to build my little niche over time. Peoples reactions to my current art definitely influences what I make now, but even then I always just created works for myself, and I’m very grateful people like it :)
I do consider the work below as one of my “cornerstone” drawings in terms of my development as an artist, it was my first work were I actually tried working a full scene, along with using it as a vent piece. Really set the tone and standard for all my other works
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#I also just decided I wanted to make bigger pieces the day my childhood best friend killed herself#something abt it just made me realize I should channel my emotions into art rather than trying to make random drawings#the drawing I posted was started the day she was admitted in a coma#and finished it on the day she ended up passing#now that I think about it her anniversary is only a few days away#is that the right word??? the day she passed idk#I feel like I’m never good at explaining this stuff#but wanting my work to be something you see on the wall and you stop and sit with it a bit is something I’ve always wanted#make no mistake I am still a furry. I just am not in as many communities as before where my entire life was drawing cinnadogs and grem2#ask
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KDJ: ugh I feel like I’m being electrocuted…
KimCom, electrocuting him: wtf why isn’t this working
#they rly did some of the most insane stuff when he passed out tho#lux reads#orv#like bro the way they just slapped him for 10 mins the other time he passed out#like entire convo was ‘hey dude I don’t think u should slap him anymore times he’s not waking up and he’s looking rly swollen now’#‘shut up just a few more’#and then literally electrocuting him omg#they can’t even call him the insane one#like they all think they’re the one with the brain cell#no!!!#ur all insane!!!!!#kimcom comedy troupe#one of these days I’m gonna make that clown makeup meme with all the ways they react to him passing out
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just finished and submitted the last project for this year – so that strange sound you might have heard from afar was my deep sigh of relief.
#a passing flash of starlight | ooc#and the nefarious cackling you also might have heard is the next project i should already have started by now#but first a few days of travel await!
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I think we as a fandom don't talk enough about how Seth:
Took bribes from the Nail Man, a serial killer in exchange for allowing him to keep murdering people -- said killer ended up killing 3 people (while they were 4 victims, one of them belonged to the copycat) in the span of 6 months(?). But I'm able to excuse everything the Priest has done, free my man, however...
It was rather strongly implied he (and the other peacekeepers affiliated) had a hand in the whole "Jiei being called to the Clocktower for a quote unquote emergency" trap, picking an innocent man to frame as the Nail Man and either put him on death row or in prison for life, so they could sweep the case under the rug and be done with it.
EXCEPT. After his arrest, he says this: "To speed this case along, we need to quickly deal with that Nail Man we arrested. We should even consider... a public execution."
WHAT are saying
In what time are we living. Is this the medieval ages. Is this the 1400s. This has to be one of the most barbaric sentences I heard a peacekeeper say in Master Detective Archives: Rain Code by Spike Chunsoft. Can he even do that? Would Yomi allow this
He just picked a random man, and didn't even want to lethal injection him privately, he was preparing the damn scaffold so that he could subject the whole district to his legendary beef with that guy in particular, because fuck him I guess. Was that personal? Did Jiei drive his mother of a cliff before the story and this is his carefully planned revenge after decades of suffering in silence
There was LITERALLY NO REASON for him to do this. It was not securing his Evil Plan, not anymore convenient than a private execution, or anything. It was simply Seth's whimsical urge of getting to fulfill his Monokuma fantasy after all these years of severe disrespect
Conclusion: that guy was OUT for BLOOD the sheer MALICE evident in his gay little eyes easily matches Yomi Hellsmile and they should fight to the death for the title of Kanai Ward's Top Cunt
#Free my man he did all that#Every discussion I see about Seth is how *he* got fucked over and. Well he kinda was but also I don't really care tbh#it's called karma <3 and Yomi can do what he wants have you considered that. you're stifling his creativity. god forbid tmen have hobbies#i think we should acknowledge Seth's cartoon villain qualities more.#Fun fact: Seth and Yomi are the only charas in rc whose debut was emphasized by a literal dramatic lightning strike in the background.#Though Seth's came a bit later than Yomi's (around when he said he's gonna make Jiei's tragic natural passing a spectacle)#mine#rain code#seth burroughs#Why was this so difficult to articulate. this sat in my drafts for like a few days#and yet. and fucking YET:#the i did not proofread this tag
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SCHOOL YEAR IS DONE
HOLY MOLY
#These past few weeks have been stressful as heck holy crap#Yesterday was my last day and we presented our demoreels#And it went weLL#Technically I *should* pass but I'm being cautious still jshdjdhsj#I won't disclose why but yeah#vent#ramble
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I mjdjsnd. Done
#screm#chaos rambles#i AM proud of what I did today considering that the last few pages I wasn't even working from notes anymore#but by god. One day I want to write a paper and then not hand it in before I can feel like it's finished#I KNOW i can do better and I even enjoy the process so really. REALLY i don't know what's stopping me#ah well 👍 i managed to namesrop jesper juul in the final chaptee so it's still a success really#screams anyway#I did NOT finish cleaning up my citations. But I did achieve 20 pages I think. So I think it should be enough for a passing grade
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this is my little girl 💖
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she’s running low on time with us, and my dad has been saying things along the lines of ‘this is why I don’t like pets’, because he finds the grieving process so hard.
I don’t fault him for that, he just feels loss deeply and deals with it differently.
sometimes I even find myself falling briefly into the same thinking. ‘what if making a different choice all those years ago saved me and my family from this grief and this pain?’
but I also know there’s no way I would make a different decision. no amount of grief could outweigh the joy she’s brought us over these last fifteen years. the laughter, the comfort, the connection.
I think about hikes with my dad when she was tiny and able bodied and would race up ahead of us on the trails and then race back to check on us. I think about the first time she saw snow and she instantly turned into a tiny fluffy bunny rabbit, hopping through drifts that were ankle deep for us but nearly buried her, and the matted snowballs she came away with, looking like a tiny curly haired yeti.
I think of her interrupting GrammE and John’s wedding along with Sagie, confusion turning into laughter as they sped after each other across the backyard ceremony. I think of my mom, lonely on the island and isolated during covid, telling me that Ginger was her saving grace.
and these don’t even scratch the surface. fifteen years of love she’s given us.
so yeah. losing her is going to damn near break me and I know that. but I wouldn’t change it for the world.
#you don’t have to read the post I just want people to look at my baby#if you have non-human family members give them a little extra love#I’m trying so hard to remind myself that not only have these last fifteen years been a gift#but these last six months or so have been a straight up miracle#I love her so much#I worry about how my mom is going to cope with her loss#she’s my best friend but she’s lived with my mom since my mom moved out#and so she’s been a daily companion to her and part of all of her routines#on one hand I’m relieved because caring for a dog especially an aging and disabled one#is a lot of work and my mom herself is already disabled and needs additional help#(and sometimes that resulted in me worrying that both of them weren’t getting proper care for their health)#but on the other hand I do think Ginge had been the biggest part of combating loneliness for my mom#especially after losing Tan#anyway I’m uh maybe crying too much to type now so I’m gonna call it#but I might post more photos of my little old lady baby over the next few days#because I love her and I think other people should too lol#personal#tw pet death#tw pet loss#(she’s not gone yet to be clear but I’m tagging these for other people’s sake bc I know it’s upsetting)#(she’s in the final days/weeks of kidney failure just in case anyone is wondering why I’m making assumptions about her passing)#toy poodle#poodle#pet#dog#puppy
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Fighting for my life to participate in Yeehawgust this year <- guy who is moving in a week
#I have. one piece in the works right now outside of comms#but once we move we both took a few weeks without work to settle into the new place#so hopefully I’ll have a window of time to make art#I feel like for the past year it’s been a constant battle to find time and energy to make art lol#but this move should change that.#last year we moved states to take care of family#and the family member we moved for has since passed and this current move#is for both of us to attend college#I would guess making art will be easier without the stress and grief of spending your days around an old man on his death bed#I don’t want this to sound too negative I’m glad we came here to take care of family#and my husbands grandfather was a wonderful man#but grief and death are exhausting#hello tumblr notes I mean my diary
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i think the stress of the last few weeks has completely fucked up my cycle and now i'm bleeding like 10 days early 🫠
#feels bad!#also the last time this happened i passed out due to low iron levels so! the next few days should be interesting!!#bon.txt
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i did pretty good today ^_^ actually drew some solid artpieces for my art blog layout without having troubles focusing and without constantly standing up from my desk and pacing around the room,, , it still happened a Couple of times but not a lot so i'm pretty proud of myself for being able to do anything today :]
#listen. I am in no way an expert nor am i trying to claim that i have adhd or i am neurodivergent. However#with how hard i find it to just start doing tasks or keeping focus on things i can't help but Wonder if adderall could help me#like i could literally open a canvas and just stare at it for hours or constantly lose focus on the artpiece—#by once again. Getting up from my desk and pacing around the room and sitting back down and then Repeat.#i don't know if adderall would help but at this point this issue just has been making me feel so disappointed in myself#actively bothering me and affecting the way i feel about myself. Which is Not Pleasant. Everything should be niceys to me Actually.#i'm probably just making up stuff to shift the blame on something else. Maybe it's just school taking a toll on me. Don't Know#but in the desperate of moments where i feel so bothered by not having done anything during the day#i cannot help but have a brief thought that adderall could Help Me possibly. passing over#but i'd say i did great for today considering my state for the last few days regarding art :] patting myself on the back..#yomoposting
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Recent misc pictures
#image 1 - sky of course.. beautiful clouds time. Image 2 - steak and scrambled eggs with a mushroom spinach sautee sort of thing#and an apple fritter (all cooked at home of course except for the apple fritter... still wishing I could ever get food out or have it made#for me so I don't have to do the effort of making it all myself.. it just tastes better sometimes when you're in a relaxed state eating#it rather than a 'just stood in the kitchen for 1hr' state lol). Image 3 - nice gray clouds with the sun through them.#Image 4 - 4 tiny gyoza type things with a tiny Diet Restriction Friendly size portion of iced coffee and a starshaped ice cube#Images 5 - 7 - these interesting flowers I came across whilst walking on a trail. I think the way they grow is cool. And that the buds of#them are so fluffy and such. Image 8 - 9 -- more stinky word counts... aughhh...... Trying to plan a full timeline of when#I might actually finish the game and I'm estimating currently like July 2025 as an insanely optimistic ideal and October 2025 as my very#late one. So likely somewhere in between. Or even later if something happens as things tend to do (computer explodes. etc)#Both are HOT months for oregon so I guess that's what started me off thinking and dwelling on the passage of time and the weather.. grrr#I wish I could be done with it tomorrow or something and then just relax and play sims all winter knowing my work is done lol#But I feel like the impending summer (as well as many other impending societally threatening things) give me too much urgency to be like#WAUGh i need to get this done NOWWW.. But I still wish I could relax and enjoy the winter a litttle. eugh... ANYWAY. I did finish the#discord for the game but I still don't know if I'll use that. I need to work more on the game itself and the itch.io page. But then also#I should probably talk about it or try to cultivate a small base of people (like a discord) who actually care about it and could become#future playtesters so I have that all ready well before the game actually is done so I needn't scramble at the last minute.. If I were#smart. and had social skills. and had energy (< has none of these things). So inevitably who knows if shall be able to muster any such feat#At least I'm getting like.. some words done.. some days. I am making progress. It's just never good enough considering the circumstances#(< looming instability and time passing in what feels like a very fast manner). ANYWAY.. lol... Image 10 - recent game of Price#Is Right Plinko Pegs my beloved game which I return to to play like maybe 2 rounds of once every 5 months... one day I shall win... Though#I'm incresingly uncertain if there even IS a last level. Or if its designed to go on forever/make you fail at a point to keep you playing..#Last two images - CLOUDS again. A very cloud heavy photo diary this time it seems lol#Also trying to: - post a few more costumes from drafts. - make new friend survey thing. - edit videos - make a sculpture. - set up#things to actually sell sculptures. - doctors appointments. - pack up things to possibly move before the summer to an apartment which#will still not have central AC but maybe at least is not west facing (so gets direct sun hottest part of the day and is a greenhouse)#Life is a constant revolving to do list with occasional sleep & looking at clouds in between.. (sigh)(pauses)(slightly more whimsical sigh)#photo diary
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ttnbd chapter fifteen tonight :>
#or sooner. just finishing up the last few paragrpahs and then a quick once over for grammar#i never get all the errors on the first pass. i really should let it sit for a day or two before editing but i'm impatient to post!#lord speaks#ttnbd
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#was gonna pierce my lip but I realized I lost all the caps to my barbell piercings and I didn't even realize. I'm so fuckin mad#now I have to get more#idk if I can just get the screw on heads. idk what mm size they are#anyway. bone broth is successful. it's been slow cooking all day and looks and smells good. it's gonna make for hella nutritious soup base.#also I've been hunting down Spanish vocab audio because that's how I learn best.#listening to more language transfer and adding music to my Spanish playlist.#still definitely not conversational but my comprehension is going up quite a bit.#I had a grumpy Russian man come through my lane today and the desire to communicate better was so strong.#I just wanna learn all the languages.#I just need to find more resources that work for my brain.#I have a Spanish vocab book and I hardly touch it. duolingo sucks for me. I hate Rosetta Stone.#but there's resources out on the internet I just have to find them and use them.#there's a few good ones on Spotify I've found. as much as I hate Spotify conceptually for music artists it's still a resource I can use.#as much as I don't wanna apply for new jobs I don't wanna work in the same place next year when we move.#I still really wanna try food service. my speech has gotten way better and my stutter is almost never present#so job interviews should be way easier to pull off. I hope. I really hope.#I really wanna get back into nursing but idk if we're moving early enough for me to get into a cna certification class for spring semester.#I really should email the local community college and find out if I can pull off a late start or jump into a class already partway through.#I could look that up right now actually. find out when classes start there and how much I would be missing.#because I've passed the certification before it shouldn't be hard to jump in partway through I think.#hah. I'm so competent. I just looked up the information right now. there's an adult education center where I'm moving that offers the course#but not until halfway through spring.#so I could work food service for the spring and then switch to cna after.#I'm medicated so it's entirely possible and feasible. I have the ability.#hmmm. if I'm going into nursing maybe I should reconsider the lip piercing? hmmmm.#I can just let it heal over if it's an issue.#plenty of time between now and then.#anyway I'm going to bed good night.#well. maybe going to bed.
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I'm looking for to the day the press, podcasts and youtube channels stop talking about Liam. I don't want to see or here anything they want to say about him and my heart skips a bit everytime I see a video on youtube on the thumbnail or hear them mention his name on a podcast.
#i listen to a few podcast and they start to mention his passing and i skip so fast#but they mention it like the report weather without any preparation for the listener#i know it already pass a few days but if still i need a warning and i'm thinking that fans never heard the news#and find out this way without any way to have some more compassion of how to deliver the message#people should prepare the listeners when they talk about someone's passing#same with youtube i hide the videos and don't read the titles#liam payne#thoughts about liam#grief#not hope with the press but at least podcasts and youtubers will move on with the next story#for them is just another story to report for us is a devastating loss that we will never heal completely#that we will learn to live with that wound
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having an idea for a game but it's miles above your skill level
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#personal#elevator pitch: point and click 2d art-heavy narrative driven game. mc is a scientist in a closed off laboratory in a post apocalyptic worl#player plays as the mc going through a daily routine consisting of taking care of a few patients that are dying of#the zombie plant esque disease that has wiped out humanity. working towards breakthrough day. on which they should#hopefully have managed to recreate the exact circumstances in which patient zero got turned#in hopes to reverse engineer it into a cure#solving puzzles along the way to open up new locations within the labs to piece together what exactly went wrong in the first place#and like!!!!!!!! i know i could do this. realistically i know i could put a game like this together but it's just#the dev heavy stuff that is stopping me because well i am just a game artist JHDGJFDKGJDFGKFDG#all the patients are in different stages of infection and it's all affecting them differently because of different variables#only one of the patients is actually fully lucid and can be spoken to on the daily#but then on breakthrough day they end up taking their own life JUST like patient zero did exactly a year ago#and it turns out that despite showing little symptoms on the outside the plants were taking root inside of them#which has been foreshadowed through earlier gameplay with the patient feeling itchy but not being able to scratch the itch#and on breakthrough day the flowers inside of them bloomed... and it was unbearable so they used the gun that they took#a year ago from patient zero's body (their colleague) to end it all. and THAT is what ends up turning them into a plant zombie#and the player has been working towards getting into the labs where it all started to find patient zero's body and like#get access to the logs of their last few days. and after the patient in the present has passed they listen to the logs#while the credits roll. and patient zero describes very similar symptoms in the logs. and they also couldn't have been saved#ig the patients in this could be some sort of metaphor for like. how illness doesn't always come with (the same) symptoms for everyone#and how even if it's not visible on the outside someone might be struggling a lot etc etc. something in that direction#anyway hi does anyone here see my vision. do you understand what i'm going for. anyway yes i hope i can make it reality one day
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