#it really doesn’t hurt any less
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harmonizewithechoes · 1 year ago
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moonshynecybin · 3 months ago
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Marc wasn’t moving to Andorra to evade taxes he was trying to join the polycule and publicly got rejected
two things can be true…. marc’s inability to join their little clique/polycule with all the other spanish guys (and specifically the catalan riders he’s known all his life !! that his mom fed pasta to !!) is another odd little brick in the isolating little mosaic of his life that i’d think about a LOT. it’s not even an implicit rejection of him from those guys it’s like. public pressure that he bends to because he doesn’t GET to be treated the same way as all of them and it isolates him further as a result… now i’m not saying he should evade taxes i think that’s bad. to be clear. but i do think that entire situation serves as a little bit of a microcosm for all the small isolations he experiences in his life specifically because of the way he rides motorcycles…
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in-kyblogs · 6 months ago
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“And I find it rather interesting . . . interesting that you know my name and that you’re alive. I have never told my name to anyone who is alive.”
Queen of the Damned, Anne Rice
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nullians · 3 months ago
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It’s actually insane how fandom in general has become so scared of making weird and dark and ugly works. Like I look at myself and see how I have also subconsciously adapted this instinct to self censor and make things “marketable” and it’s making me want to crawl out of my skin. I need to get weirder and worse and more off-putting hello
#I need to write a proper Spectra&Gus meta bc it’s been cooking me how people don’t Want to see the insanity in them#argh#d0 stuff#negative#d0 smashes the keyboard#like yes#Gus’s devotion and loyalty are extreme and these feelings make him do stupid things that he is absolutely aware of being stupid#but let’s not pretend that these feelings go both ways in their relationship#Spectra (for like. the majority of the New Vestroia except the maybe last 12 eps?) sees Gus as a convenient tool#like Yeah he is like. a person and all that but Spectra doesn’t Interact with him when it doesn’t concern his business so#and also yes. he gives Gus a level of autonomy that one might not exactly expect from how usually these relationships go but#one Has to question if it’s bc of his goodwill or bc he is safe in his knowledge that Gus would never leave him#which. fun and sick and makes them sooo compelling#I would also argue that Spectra/Keith don’t even miss Gus when he ‘died’ as a person at first#but as the second pair of hands for work#like it was quite funny to see Spectra give instructions to air only to be reminded that his minion died#but it does rise the question of why hasn’t it happened before or in any other situation#(which I must say I really dig because yes. Spectra has always been centred around his ambitions so ofc this is where it would hurt first)#but yeah. sth sth Spectra only starts his journey of Actually giving a shit about Gus and acknowledging his importance to him as a person#by the end of nv#you could still argue it was partially (or maybe wholly) motivated by convenience that Gus presents but#it really was the first time Spectra has personally expressed his tie to Gus gah#all of this to say#they are sickos; each in their own way; and I think we can really make this more sinister and insane than we’ve allowed ourselves#throughout the years so far#like yeah. can I see them as a happy couple? sure! but also can I see this as a very codependent (more so from Gus’s angle) relationship#that’s being sprinkled with Tons of manipulation from Spectra? also yes#actually sorry for this wall of tags idk what got me thinking about them again#but it’s so so biting the bars day bc these guys are so fun!! we just have to let them be and maybe read canon through less good intentions#ok uhhh
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danielnelsen · 3 months ago
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things aren’t going well with peach. while i think my dad’s very right to be concerned that she hasn’t eaten anything in nearly 60 hours (obviously i am too), im becoming increasingly concerned that she hasn’t slept at all in around 36 hours and prior to that she was under anaesthetic, which isn’t exactly restful, so it’s closer to 48 hrs
like dad took her back to the vet today and we’ve got injections for her painkillers now because she’s not eating, and also injections for fluids (because she doesn’t drink; she only gets water from her food), so the not eating is Bad but also kinda under management, but if she doesn’t sleep soon i’m extremely worried. dad was like ‘if she doesn’t eat by tomorrow afternoon we’ll take her back because the injections will run out’ but like. if she doesn’t sleep tonight we have GOT to take her back first thing in the morning so they can sedate her or something
#her pain doesn’t seem to be too bad now that she’s got pain relief so idk what’s stopping her from sleeping#she won’t even lie down unless i’m sitting next to her. she just sits there staring out the window#her pupils are also taking up her entire eyes and have been all day#that’ll be a side effect of the medication and maybe the lack of sleep? but it won’t be making her feel any better#she can probably barely see at this point#like imagine you’ve been awake for 2 days after surgery and you’re in a lot of pain and haven’t eaten since before surgery#and are also on strong painkillers. and you also have no idea what’s wrong with you or why everyone’s doing things that hurt you#bruh your brain would be COOKED. there’s no way she has any idea what’s going on rn but she’s clearly feeling terrible#personal#like i think she’ll be ok in the long-term but she’s gotta somehow get through all these immediate issues#last time something like this happened she stopped drinking and never started again#not eating or sleeping don’t have workarounds as simple as putting water in her food#it really doesn’t help that there’s so much other shit going on rn#i’m doing a whole bunch of stuff with my phone and computer that’s taking a lot of work#but also my sister’s going on a long overseas trip that she’s leaving for tomorrow#so the combo of dad and sister coming and going constantly and also like 6 random deliveries for tech stuff in the last 2 days—#has the dogs really wound up. so georgie’s been howling at absolutely everything#and it’s rainy so my clothes aren’t trying and they’re hanging on a rack hooked on the hallway door so the door can’t close#which puts one less door between my room and the dogs so they’re waking me up every time anything happens#and i sleep during the day so that’s ALL THE TIME. i’ve had like 8 hrs of sleep between the last two afternoons#my sister always has so much random life stuff she wants to talk about and was getting really annoyed that i wasn’t very receptive#like ‘im about to go away for 3 months’ sorry i know its a big thing but i can’t just reschedule peach’s medical emergency
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naarlar · 8 months ago
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hot take: Miles and Gwen should NOT end up together during or at the end of Beyond the Spiderverse.
Hear me out, this is not anti gwiles at all.
I think as the audience we get to see the nuances of Gwen’s situation in ATSV and we sympathize with her and understand (well most of us). However, try considering it from Miles’ perspective.
Honestly, if Gwen put me through the crap she put Miles through (intentionally or not), it would take a LONG time before I gave her the chance to be close friends again, let alone dating.
I’m not saying gwiles shouldn’t happen. It can (it is a very cute ship) but it requires a lot of time and healing for both of them, time that honestly I don’t think BTSV is going to have. While I think the movie is probably still going to rush gwiles, I personally think honestly it would be better if at best it was hinted but not outright. But hey, we’ll see.
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sassmill · 2 months ago
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I just want to be allowed to scream at my sister the way she screams at me. I want to be allowed to slam doors and throw things and break things. I want to be allowed to react to the way she treats us and not be called selfish.
#hot fucking take but I don’t really see much dialogue on how fucking traumatizing it can be to live with an autistic person#whose autism outwardly manifests the most behaviorally#her not being able to help being dysregulated does not negate how fucking scary it is#to be on the receiving end of that behavior#and to be conditioned for your entire life that you’re bad if you react in any way#this is less about neurodivergence than it is about my fucking mother#especially because I’m likely on the spectrum as well#but if someone that wasn’t autistic did those same things it would be considered an abusive environment#I’m not saying that my sister is abusive#but I am saying that it is so incredibly emotionally damaging to live in this house#any harm done to me by the screaming and throwing and breaking things is not even allowed to be considered#because she ‘can’t help herself’#and the quotes there are again less about neurodivergence than my mother#because my sister actually has really solid coping skills… when my mother is not involved#my mother will make excuses and enables her in a way that is so frustrating#my sister would actually do much better if she were living in a dorm/group home like she previously was#but that costs a lot of money#and so she lives here with my enabling permissive mother#and is more dysregulated than she has been in YEARS#because so many of the skills and coping tools she learned at her resident program#she has completely stopped utilizing because she doesn’t have to#because instead of trying to work through it my mother will make excuses for her#so instead of trying to work through it she screams so loud my ears ring#and slams doors so hard they break#and throws things in a way that makes me scared she’s going to hurt one of us#but if I display any reaction to what in any other circumstance would be recognized as a frightening and harmful situation#I’m making things worse and I’m being selfish#I’m like. fine. in the way that I’ve had to be my whole life.#which is mostly dissociating and spending as little time home as possible#but every time it happens it makes me wish I was not alive
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redgoldblue · 7 days ago
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#this is what I get for hyperfocusing on a currently airing canon queer ship to cope with life stress#instead of decades-old queerbait/non-canon#i want so badly to be able to focus on Oliver’s quote about wanting a bi hoe Buck phase if Buck and Tommy were ‘on a break’#bc I’m pretty sure that was the interview he said they were filming masks so he should’ve already known?#and it was also the one where he talked about overcoming obstacles in their relationship#and bi hoe Buck phase before getting back together would be#i don’t want to say the only good outcome. I’ll get over the shock and it’ll hurt less and I’ll see other okay options#but it would certainly be the best#but the things Lou is saying. and the way it feels so shoehorned in.#i am not insane (coughs. definitely not vagueing any section of fandom.)#and I’ve also been destroyed by hope twice in three days now. one obviously more globally significant than the other but.#yeah.#sometimes Ted lasso was wrong and it is the hope that kills you#i want to cling to that possibility but in the face of the episode itself I don’t think I can#it was obviously a last-minute thing for absolutely no narrative reason#and there’s no reason to shoehorn that in to create a getting together arc. there’s no reason to do that suddenly and impromptu#from either a narrative or a network perspective#honestly it’s not even entirely the breakup itself for me#i mean don’t get me wrong that sucks so bad on so many levels#but it’s the implication in Lou’s interviews that Tommy’s just gonna disappear now#he was fully enmeshed in the firefam and getting more and more so. he’s Eddie’s good friend!#that was a big part of what made it a good relationship but it was also just. really nice for Tommy#and I love him and I will be particularly devastated if the show just cuts him cold now#and everything Lou said like. makes it make SENSE from his perspective. in a way he obviously had to work for to be able to do it#but it still doesn’t make it a good or narratively satisfying breakup#or rather a good or narratively satisfying conclusion#specifically for Tommy!!! it makes it a decent and justifiable midpoint to a character arc about learning to be vulnerable#which is a really interesting arc you could do with Tommy! actually based on what we know about him!#if you hadn’t told Lou to go back to SWAT!#started typing these in an attempt to get the emotions out and instead I’ve just added irritation
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twistpixel · 14 days ago
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God with timeline squished are people going to be like “Barb wasn’t even disabled for long; Bruce was also a wheelchair user after knightfall, she’s not special” in a dismissive way. This is me making up a guy to get mad at but I’ve seen so many “bad things that were part of a character’s arc are the same as bad things that completely changed a character” posts it makes me siiiiccckkk
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goldkirk · 2 years ago
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#sometimes it really hurts more that they’re well intentioned#and love me and want me to be part of the family still#than if they didn’t try to keep me included at all#like just. it just is rough that they’ll never acknowledge I’m living with a partner and committed#and have been in the relationship for years#they want me to come be a part of things and they want me to be happy and#they send a congrats on your new home card but don’t mention her. they include me in a family vacation jigsaw puzzle but not her even though#i told them I won’t lie to the kids and that she and I are a package deal for family parties and things if we do come into town for them#I can’t stop trying because I’ve seen them be so diffferent with the grandkids than to me on some things#and I’ve seen some of them treating me pretty normal despite everything about their beliefs#but I just#don’t know how many years it’ll take for me to learn to navigate this weird zone#I can’t talk to friends because they don’t understand how good and genuine my family is and only know the parts that hurt me in the past yrs#and I can’t talk to family because they get how good my family is at the heart of things but can’t understand the bad parts enough to#get how half of me wished I could never have to remember any of the good because it’s hard to protect myself if I do#but the line between black and white has to be walked#even if ONLY for my own sake because I have to un train black and white thinking from every area of my worldview#but anyway#it’s just hard. nothing particularly to be done about it. I just need to say it’s hard sometimes#it doesn’t seem to hurt less each time#it’s the same#but I think I’m getting better at not letting it affect my actual daily experience for as long now#idk#it’s hard. it will be for a long time. it’s worth trying anyway.#I know we’re double nope in that we’re queer and we’re not even civil married much less sacramentally married#so we’re in like five separate levels of mortal sin yadda yadda#but I tell you x hurts and you do x again and it sucks. I see you improving in other ways so I have hope but GOD it sucks right now. fuck#shh katie#personal
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arttheclown · 2 years ago
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i’m starting to feel like losing my grandpa is hitting me even harder than losing my dad tbh
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autistic-katara · 2 months ago
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anyone else have at least one mutual where over time you’ve both grown enough that you (dubiously) hit most of the marks on their dni but u never end up unmutualling eachother
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changing-the-narrative · 3 months ago
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my wounds from you are reopened every day
and you’re trying to love them shut again,
but sometimes your kisses taste like salt
and they burn just the same
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intcrastra · 6 months ago
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Love the idea of the little wings at Robin’s waist and head fluttering whenever she’s flustered.
#✮┆ ( .ooc. );#hc; robin#//Love the idea of her little wings at her waist fluttering whenever she kisses a much taller partner; like they’re thing to help her reach#//Love the idea of them being a little sensitive to the touch; so she really makes a point to keep people from touching them#//Not even really in a suggestive way for the most part; it’s kinda like how cats don’t like being touched on the pads of their paws#//Nerve receptors and all that—however she will give her partner leeway; bc she knows they wouldn’t hurt her#//Plus she thinks they might like seeing her flustered—she might find it embarrassing; but if THEY like it#//She doesn’t mind letting them have their fill of fun; she rlly Likes their smirks & chuckles#//If they get a real kick out of seeing her flustered; she gets a kick out of seeing THEM smug#//Thinks it’s sooo attractive#//Whoops veered a little lol#//If her partner likes her wings; she would actually tend to let them unfurl and flutter more for them to see and touch#//She Knows how to show off and would utterly THRIVE under their attention; esp any admiration/compliments to her wings#//she takes V good care of them; after all. Also; partners who volunteer to help her preen them? she would ADORE them#hc; sunday#//Bc he too has that same habit with his wings. All the above. Basically applies EXCEPT#//Sunday is even MORE particular about touch on his wings; HATES having them mussed up even the slightest bit#//Only a VERY trusted partner is allowed to touch them (or him at ALL); anybody else might trigger him a bit#//He’ll keep himself together until he’s out of sight; then immediately lose his gottdam mind & need a Moment#//When he DOES allow touch; he gets a little overwhelmed with it. Mans is SO touch starved#//But at the same time; can’t stomach it half the time. And don’t get me started on how Weak he is for cocky partners#//Drives him NUTS; both in terms of being attracted to them but also Annoyed with them lmao#//he is just as proud of his wings as his sister is; perhaps even MORE so#//Might posture and show them off unprompted the Instant he knows his partner likes them (when one-on-one)#//You can practically see him GLOWING at any compliments he gets over them and how neat his feathers are; how glossy and lovely#//Preening; though: he is EXTREMELY particular abt it. He never trusts anyone outside himself but Robin to do it (bc she has them too)#//His partner has to be VERY close & trusted to even be allowed to SEE him preening; much less be allowed to do it FOR him#//He’s so v particular abt his presentation; he will NOT want them to see him (&his wings) anything but perfect#//Which is why he’s got such mixed feelings abt his partner teasing & riling him up; losing that control/composure over himself#//For them to have him like that; SEE him that flustered & Vulnerable—it leaves him quite Uneasy; but it is also undeniably Exciting
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goldenlockslo · 7 months ago
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love when my best friend and housemate sending me messages bitching about my girlfriend to me by accident instead of one of her friends :)))
#and when i reply with the classic ‘i think you sent this to the wrong person x’ message#she just says she was cringing and she’s feeling lonely and anti romance#and they did not read as those type of messages :)))#and i cant talk to anyone about it bc it would hurt my girlfriend (who really likes my best friend)#and make her feel like shit#and the best friend is the problem#i know she doesn’t get the mh problems my gf has and no doubt has thoughts#but you don’t know our relationship and what works for us so maybe keep your judgment to yourself x#i of course did not say any of this bc i hate confrontation and all of us were in the fucking house#but i’m meant to go for drinks with the 2 girls tomorrow (and some other friends) and now i’m just going to be uncomfortable#and wonder how many times they’ve bitched and judged my relationship#and i cant let me girlfriend know i’m upset bc then she’ll ask why and then get (rightfully) upset#i had a couple free hours to work on my fanfiction today and it’s dumb but i’ve been really getting into writing again lately#and it’s been fun but now this is all i can think about#and i don’t want to get drunk tomorrow bc i don’t feel too comfortable with half the girls anyway but even less so now#and i dont want to say something i’ll regret#but i also want to say something bc i’m upset and i’m angry but i don’t want to bc i don’t want to hear her excuses or her thoughts#and now however i act with my gf in front of her i’m going to be so hyper aware#which fucking sucks bc this is my home too and she lives her whole family and doesn’t like her home much so mine is the default place#and me and my gf are going to move in together next year and we were going to say to the housemate we can do a 3 bed if she wants but now#i do not want to do that
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nereidprinc3ss · 4 months ago
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no sweeter innocence (than our gentle sin)
in which spencer reid is gentle with overwhelmed fem!reader after sex
18+ (fluff, implied intimacy) warnings/tags: it's just aftercare, but like psychological aftercare, implied intimacy duh, vague descriptions of sex but nothing explicit, hurt/comfort without the hurt, allusions to postcoital dysphoria, reader cries but its not really sad, spencer reid is so kind i wish men were real, i think that is all a/n: guess who wrote an entirely different thing instead of touching her wips..... AGAIN...... this bitch cant do anything omggg!! but this was based on a request so go me also what a strange time to be posting but it's only 1k words and nobody can stop me
“Hey. Are you with me, angel?”
You blink your eyes open in the dark room—reorienting yourself to the tangle of your bodies. How many minutes has it been?
“Hm?”
He chuckles—a quick huff from his nose as he brings a hand up to push hair from your face. 
“I asked you if you’re with me.”
It takes you a moment to answer. You’re still trying to make sense of where you are in space, each sensation coming back to you one by one—the weight and pressure of him against you, the slip of cotton sheets and a cool breeze from the cracked window over your heated sticky skin. 
“Oh.”
It’s not much of an answer and your voice is small. For a moment he lets it sit, cupping your warm cheek. Your eyes flutter shut again. His voice comes gentler, dipped in concern. 
“You okay?”
This time you don’t try to speak. Your tongue is like a lead weight in your mouth and your brain is running on dial-up. The best you can do is to cling to him, hiding your face in the curve of his neck and hoping he’ll understand that your firm hold on him is a request for him to tighten his own arms around you, until you’re sure you won’t float away. He reciprocates and it makes you feel more secure immediately. 
“Can you answer me?” He murmurs, all sweet solicitation, lips brushing the top of your head in this new airtight position. And then, a moment later— “Baby. I wanna hear your voice.”
“Mhm,” you manage. 
Spencer rewards you by rubbing your back in slow circles. His hand feels nice on your bare skin. The way you love him is too big for words. It could make you cry. 
“Wasn’t too much? You’re not hurting anywhere?”
You shake your head and try to ignore the ache in your bones when you can’t seem to get him close enough. 
“Mm-mm.”
It’s not entirely true—your legs are sore, but it’s nothing that needs tending to, and your lower back is a bit crampy, but he’s already working on that. 
He hums. “You’re pretty out of it, sweet girl. What’s going on with you?”
Spencer is always careful with you. He’d never hurt you, or sacrifice your comfort for his pleasure. That said, he’s just as passionate as you are. The stretch of your arms above your head is still fresh in your mind—the ghost of his grip, pressing your wrists into the mattress, or pushing your leg up, or pulling you exactly where he wanted you by the hips. It’s all wonderful, and you never feel safer than you do when you’re with him, but it doesn’t make you feel any less vulnerable, any less raw, after all is said and done. Maybe it’s precisely because you trust him so much that you’re so sensitive afterward. But he never, ever makes you feel bad for having an intense reaction to an intense experience. He always meets you where you’re at. That in itself makes you emotional. Spencer is different than any of the partners you’d had before. 
Again, he’s patient as you try to process his question and work up a response. Maybe a minute later, you’re breathing out something that feels true. 
“Overwhelmed.”
The word is a tap against glass you didn’t know was there until it’s fracturing like a spiderweb. With no warning, and for no good reason, you find yourself choked up. 
“Oh,” he says, sympathetic and drawn out as understanding sets in. “Do you need me to back off for a minute?”
You squeeze him even fiercer and shake your head, unable to stop the tears from drawing their shiny paths down your cheeks and sinking into the weave of the pillow case. 
“Shh. You’re okay,” he murmurs, quiet and slow and almost sing-songy as he smooths your hair, though you know he doesn’t really expect you to stop crying. “You’re okay, pretty. Remember what I said about all the hormonal shifts in your body after you come?”
Once more you nod against him with a small, shuddering sniffle. 
“And how sometimes your body regulates by crying? Kind of like a… a reset button?”
“Mhm.”
“Mhm.” He shifts from rubbing your back to tracing light lines in shapeless patterns with the blunt edges of his nails, and your breath catches before you’re melting in his hold. “It’s okay to have big or confusing feelings after sex. It’s actually really common. I just want you to be honest with me about those feelings, right? So we can keep you safe?”
“Right.”
“Would you tell me if you were hurting, or if something I did or said was bothering you?”
“Yes.”
If you were looking at him you know he’d be smiling ever so slightly at your monosyllabic responses, charting an upward path with his hand and pushing it through your hair at the nape of your neck. “You can just nod, baby. You don’t have to talk. I know you’re tired.”
You make a small noise of gratitude and nuzzle closer, feeling better as the tears slow, quickly as they’d come. 
“Do you want a bath in a little while?”
Another nod. He scratches at your scalp. “Okay. We’ll do a bath, and then dinner, and then I’m finally going to make you watch that documentary about Helvetica. It’s a little outdated, and there are a few basic errors about the origin and development of the font as well as misinformation about the typeface subgroup in general, but I can amend those as we watch and afterward we can read the director’s tenth anniversary statement. I was waiting to read it until we watched it together.”
Spencer knows beyond a shadow of a doubt that you’ll fall asleep ten minutes in, curled up on the couch under a blanket in your biggest hoodie with your head on his lap and his hand in your hair, just like this. 
He’s actually really looking forward to it.
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