#it makes me so sad cause yes

[hydrangeyes]

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

Lan Wangji Goes To Lotus Pier AU: Part 5: Flip Slip.

(Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 4.5)

[elialys]

So I'm almost done rewatching The Newsreader, finished 2x05 last night. Wanna know which scene made me cry actual tears this time around? The club scene. Watching Dale completely drunk out of his mind, left alone with no one looking after him, knowing what it led to. I'm getting teary again just typing it.

Beyond how shitty it feels that neither Tim nor Gerry stuck with him and made sure he was safe, it's such a poignant representation of his loneliness, alone in this club full of people.

"I don't have a sort of place."

[bubacorn]

hc: Vessel is bad at receiving compliments and being told that he is loved (hug inspired by this one, @ghxstly-death put it into words perfectly. thank you, Eden!🫂)

Thinking about Vessel who can't accept compliments, not because he doesn't believe them (that too), but because he'd heard them so many times in the past related to small, unimpressive things. Not 'I'm proud of you', just 'You did good', an automatic response to any and all achievements. He did good. He didn't know what 'good' meant, but apparently, he did that. He has no idea what was good about what he did, so he continues to push himself, to not be a disappointment. If he does good, then that should be enough, right?

He tries for great, for excellent, for something more, but he always gets 'good', unrelated to the effort and time he put into something. He knows he shouldn't wish for more specific compliments, or anything else, really. He should be grateful to be regarded. Everyone around him is so busy, they can't possibly have time to listen to him talk about how in reality, he has no idea what he's doing. How things sometimes just click but he can't tell if what he did is actually worth anything or it was just pure luck. How he doubts himself at every step but learned to hide it, because he has to be good. And good means coping and dealing with things by himself and quietly, because then he will be told that he did good and who wouldn't want to be good?

Vessel who hears 'I love you' for the first time (said with actual love behind it for the very first time) in a really long time from II. He wouldn't tell the other that, but it's clear from the surprise and the hopeful longing in Vessel's eyes. His friend told him he loves him and he doesn't know what to do with that, so he hesitantly steps to him and begins to lift his arms in question. II's heart squeezes at his shyness, after all, the other has spent months alone in the manor, so it's understandable that he would have grown unaccustomed to touch. But then II has to pull Vessel against him, because the man sort of hovers his arms around his frame as if he doesn't know how to approach a hug. Like he isn't sure what is expected of him and what is too much.

Vessel is surprised when II squeezes around his torso, when he brings one arm around his shoulder and the other to his neck, trying to bring Vessel down towards him, like he wants to protect and shelter him. That's strange, but Vessel finds that his arms want to stay wrapped loosely around II a bit longer and just as he starts to pull away, II again says "I love you, Vessel", and Vessel's brain freezes. II squeezes him tighter and Vessel feels so warm and strangely loose (he's afraid he will unravel if he stays too close for too long) and small even though he towers over his friend. His friend who is now holding him and who apparently loves him.

The only thing in his mind stumbles from his tongue in the form of a quiet "Why?". He didn't do anything exceptional. He was showing II an arrangement and said he wasn't sure if it was any good, letting his fingers dance over the keys, feeling like he was stumbling through music. He felt like it captured that familiar insecurity, and he liked it and hoped II would like it, too. Even if it didn't make it into a song. Then II said he did like it, that it feels like Vessel is unsure but it gives the melody a unique flavor, and that Vessel was great for translating that feeling into music.

"'Why?' ?" II's answering question is filled with such disbelief that Vessel wants to hide. He said something inappropriate, something secret that had previously only been dwelling in his mind, in a dark corner, and now he feels exposed. Why did he even open his mouth? Not good. Definitely bad.

Vessel is slumping against II a bit, like he doesn't know how to hold himself upright anymore, like he needs support. II must feel it, because he's still holding him, and it's been minutes and Vessel tries to squirm away, to save any dignity he might still possess, and II lets him slip out of the embrace, but his arms linger like he doesn't want to let go of his friend. His friend who just blurted out the worst response to a confession of gentle affection. Vessel looks so worried when he catches II's gaze and he immediately averts his eyes and takes a few small steps back, unconsciously gravitating towards his piano for protection, a sense of safety.

"You're my friend, Vessel," II tries approaching the man with soft words, "You're kind and considerate and a damn good musician," Vessel stops backing away when the back of his legs hit the edge of his piano bench, but he's still looking at the floor, "You pour your heart into writing and playing and it's amazing to see. You're committed, but patient and you help me every time I need. Even when I'm too embarrassed to ask," II tilts his head and steps a bit closer to try and catch Vessel's gaze, "I know you don't see it and I'm sorry that you can't because it's true. I would never lie to you about this, Ves. I love you, you're my best friend," Vessel presses his lips together, so II adds, "Not just because we live in the middle of bumfuck nowhere. You're the best friend I've ever had. And I'm glad Sleep led me to you."

Vessel gives him a look that shows he tries really hard to believe him, and adds in such a low voice it's almost a whisper, "I love you, too," as if he's embarrassed to admit it. But it's not embarrassment, II realizes, it's disbelief, it's some sort of deep shame about needing someone else, of relying on anyone else but himself at all times. And it makes sense, considering Vessel's nature, but II could never put it all together, since large chunks of Vessel's past were unfamiliar to him. He could have guessed based on how the man acted, but he didn't want to assume anything. It felt disrespectful. Vessel would share if he wanted.

"And I'm really glad you found me," just a beat of silence, before he adds, in an even quieter tone, if that's possible, "And that you stayed," Vessel risks a bashful glance towards II, and sees him blink rapidly, shocked by the implication of the other's words, before he shakes himself and steps closer to Vessel. He searches his face for apprehension, but doesn't find any, so he gently puts his hands on Vessel's upper arms and sits him down on his bench. Before Vessel can react, II has his arms wrapped around him, one around his shoulder, and the other's hand cupping the back of his head and cradling it to his front.

"You're important to me, Ves. You're special and precious and I love you," II's fingers caress the man's shoulder and card through his hair, "I want you to know that I'm here for you any time, okay?" Vessel is still stunned and he's sure he's going catch on fire if he gets any warmer. II twists a lock of hair around his finger, "Okay?" Words form and die in Vessel's throat so he just nods, rapidly, almost hurriedly, and II lets out a small chuckle. "You're amazing, you know that?" he nuzzles into Vessel's hair for a moment to murmur, "And adorable," II sways with the man in his arms a little and Vessel is sure he will combust. His face is flaming against II's shirt and he tries to suppress the half grimace-half grin on his face and feels unreal. "C'mon. Tea break?" II smiles down at him and offers a hand. Vessel can stand on his own, but doesn't reject the offer. He likes the warmth of II's hand and he can always use the stability and the reminder of the other's presence. II soon replaces his hand with a mug of tea, but it's considerably colder to Vessel. The contrast is especially palpable when II brushes his knuckles against Vessel's as he's handing him his tea. The mug is warm, but II's skin is burning against his. But it's not bad. It's a good burn. It makes Vessel feel alive. Seen. Loved?

Vessel learns that he doesn't have to prove himself to other people to receive love. Love is not something that has to be earned in their home. Love is not a reward, not something that Vessel has to work for, then be disappointed that in the end, it isn't actually given to him. He tried being good in the past, being silent and keeping his head down and being a good kid, but the warmth and the unconditional love didn't come. He still tried, though, he always tried his best, but apparently that wasn't enough. Or there wasn't actually love at the end of that tunnel. It was just a play of light. But that would have been cruel and Vessel would like to think that people in his past weren't intentionally unkind to him (he won't admit the truth to himself for a while).

II often tells Vessel that he's proud of him. For speaking up. For telling him when he's having a bad day. For asking for distance when he needs it and closeness when he feels like he will drift away. For admitting to messing up, when he falls back into bad habits of self-destruction and isolation. For doing a grocery run by himself even though he goes home almost shaking and has to spend the next hours under a blanket on the couch, because it was simply too much. For crying when he talks about memories that he tried his hardest to forget but he just can't. For asking for help and letting II help him, even though it's hard. It's really hard, and Vessel apologizes for it, for being fucked-up and broken and damaged goods. For wasting II's time and being a burden, a needy, greedy thing. Wretched. Minus human.

But II tells him he loves him and that he could never be a burden. That he will always be worth it, he always has been, and that he's sorry that people in Vessel's past couldn't see it. Couldn't see him for all that he is. For the friend who pays attention to little details so he can show his friend how much he values him. For the guy who bakes his friend a complicated cake for his birthday because he off-handedly told him he can't even remember what it tasted like, even though it used to be his favorite. For the amazing composer who can capture emotions one doesn't realize one has. For the hard-working, curious kid who thought that being obedient and not questioning authority was the way to earn praise and affection. For the little boy who thought something was wrong with him, that he did or didn't do something and that is why he couldn't feel loved. For the child who cried and cried, silent and under the cover of the night, hoping that no one would hear (and secretly hoping that somebody would and they would come and save him from the gaping emptiness that made its home in his chest, way too big and scary for a boy that little). For the boy and then the man who couldn't cry anymore but thought that that is more than alright, at least he can finally keep it all inside. For the partner who allowed himself to be vulnerable with someone he trusted. For the partner who made sure his other knew he was always welcome, even though his brain sometimes tried to tell him otherwise. For the partner who grew comfortable with expressing casual affection so much that terms like 'darling' became second nature to him (and for the way he blushed when II told him that). For the man who learned to accept that it's okay to admit to not being okay, to need someone, to want to not feel alone, to feel cherished, to have his feelings validated. For the man who can tell his partner anything and does, because he knows he can speak his mind and that there will be someone who listens.

II wanted to see Vessel. Vessel let him. Even before he showed the uglier and less than perfect parts of himself, II loved him all the same. It was never about being 'good' and silent and compliant. Vessel is good. Vessel is not good. He's amazing. He's perfect. He's wonderful. He's cherished. He's incredible. He's valued. He's seen. He's listened to. He's heard. He's finally, finally loved. Has been for longer than he dared to think. Will soon be by more people than he thought possible.

[pixl-place]

i’d honestly be really interested to see why (if they do) people would ship kevin/thea bc honestly to me it seems so out of character. the whole trajectory of kevin dating her and his kid going to the nest honestly feels like a big reason why some of the fandom still consider him a coward and a wet blanket. like the beginning of tkm he’s working so hard to become his own person and distance himself from that place and then yet he’s supposed to go right back ?? it doesn’t make sense. even kevin/allison or kevin/renee would make more sense if we’re talking straight ships because they would both recognize the other’s fight to become a new and better person and fight the trauma that tries to drag them down. literally kevin could end up with almost anyone else and it would work. it also would’ve been interesting to see thea as an example of what happens when you leave the nest and follow the exact path tetsuji laid out but that kinda invalidates itself by just making her “kevin’s gf” but also not really explaining their relationship in a way that makes sense so her character just becomes less meaningful overall anyways hashtag let kevin have relationships not tied to his trauma and let him heal 2024

[soupforsoup]

Apparently the thing that gets me to obsess over a character beyond recovery is when they have enough psychic potential to destroy a planet and are enough of a bitch to do it but they're cursed incurably with Pathetic Puppydog Eyes Disease

[avemstella]

“Neuvillette,” she stated. “It’s all going to be alright, because I will be this nation’s god.”

-Dulce est Desipere in Loco

More of my fic art because obviously had to draw this scene.

[franeridan]

that one panel when rayleigh meets teach and he's like it might be childish of me but I really hate you so you better run I'm perfectly normal about that panel what are you talking about

[needlesandnilbogs]

The worst part about writing long aus is that you can’t infodump about it (without having to explain everything first so they get the context) unless you’re willing to make someone read 150k words

[sleestakkkk]

Okay okay part of me has always leaned towards Ivan dying when he has to go up against Till. Because like listennn... Ivan ALWAYS being the one who's looking at Till, while Till is never ever looking back at him just has unbearable affect on my brain. So like I've always imagined him dying with the expectation that FINALLY FINALLYYY Till will truly LOOK at Ivan and really see him for the first time like Ivan has always seen him (Does this mean in a romantic sense? Potentially. Maybe. But most of all just finally seeing how Ivan feels about him and just having THAT realization), but also with the added gut punch that it took Ivan dying for Till to truly realize Ivan's feelings and aooughh. BUT flipping it around also ties into the same ooggily booggily affect that the first option has on my brain. Because having Till die could mean that from beginning to end, after EVERYTHING that has happened, he never looks back at Ivan. The tragedy and pain of that feeling, and you KNOWW that from the very beginning of the round that Ivan would know that if Till dies he'd die never knowing about Ivan's true feelings. Now is this all incoherent rambling that will likely not happen? Yes. But they are like little worms in my brain sooo

[sysig]

Size difference.png (Patreon)

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

Truth and revenge is best served cold.

[First] Prev <–-> Next

[seconds-over-first]

lmao you know you’ve got that shelter dog rizz when even just the thought of getting into an argument with your partner over literally anything makes your stomach churn and then you feel sad for no reason like

I’m sorry the world is such an awful place for you bby let me lay on your chest and I can help make you feel better pls 🥺🙏

am I a simp or am I desperate for the love of my partner or am I pathetic who tf knows lmao

[starrytalking]

Honestly realising it is completely fine to not want a romantic relationship not only because I just don’t want to but also because I don’t want the commitment and want to freely make decisions for my life just how I want to live it felt really nice :)

[lemonlovemeanslove]

I know I know I know that the this didn't start on Oct 7th is a great thing to remind people of and and it's educational and all. But I can't help being bitter. I can't help thinking, really? You didn't know the situation in Palestine until now? You need people to over and over again prove how long this has been going on.

When you saw the news reports in 2021, in 2017, in 2014, 2011...when you heard "it's complicated", when you heard to the Zionist propaganda, when you saw the US publicly back Israel, you didn't for one second think, huh, maybe I should look into this. When you came across that one headline on Twitter about a child being arrested or killed by the IDF, no part of you went, let me look into this?

Not understanding the extent of Israels occupation i can get, but not even being aware of it? Until last year. How does that happened. I get so fucking upset when I realize how many people, just, took what was told to them, at face value, by the people who have, historically, backed every evil thing ever, and just went, yeah, you know what, I'm not going to do any reading on my own. And okey I get it I'm Muslim and was raised in the middle east so we were all basically made to be aware of the reality of Palestine since we were children. But my GOD people. How do you just, ignore that? A conflict that big, so ongoing. Did you not see the wall being put up and go, wait a second. Did you not see the checkpoints, and pause, just for a moment. Did you not ever stop, and just think?

[wordsmithic]

Click for better resolution - part 1 here!