#it kind of reminds me of the way some autistic people become when they are ostracized their entire lives ive seen similar attitudes almost?

[therealicething]

Is interesting that personality wise stan was more like his parents than ford. Neither of them seem like really bookish or intellectual types, and its a pawn shop owner and a telephone psychic.

Both parents maybe saw themselves in stan, where they couldn't with ford. The same similarity gave caryn a soft spot made filbrick feel uncomfortable.

Where he recognized and saw himself in his son, while with ford there was a disconnect, he could be detached.

Ford may have felt suffocated by being lumped together with stan as a unit. But even compared to his twin, he didn't belong as easily as stan did even within his own family.

[bonefall]

Not sure if this is the place to ask or if I should go to Bonebabble, but ooh, Dungeon Meshi mention! I love what you said about low-empathy and apathy, I think I’ll use that in ny own characters.

I wanted to ask why you think Shuro is autistic. I’ve seen a lot of people say it so there must be a reason why, but I don’t think it’s really obvious to me? Like with Laios, autism/neurodivergence is so integral to his story, so it’s deeply obvious. I love the way he’s written! But we don’t see a lot of Shuro, so I’d like to hear more of why people see the tism in him.

@bonebabbles is the better place to send these in the future but it's chill! The vibe right now's loose since we're all coming down from the heaviness of Mooncourse lmao

Honestly, I feel a little 'tism in a lot of the cast of Dungeon Meshi. As a very autistic writer myself, it kind of has a vibe like it was written by someone who's autistic and so it gets peppered into all of her characters. It's something I notice a lot in my own art, too.

But like, when it comes to Toshiro... I can't stop thinking about him. He makes me want to chew the furniture. With every passing day I become less normal about him.

glossary because I had a lot of thoughts about Toshiro Dungeon Meshi i guess. Oh my god this got long

He reminds me of some people I know

His culture clash is very relatable to me in an autistic way

He has a rigid commitment to his values and morals

Miscellaneous Autism Moments

THE LAIOS FIGHT

in conclusion

He reminds me of some people I know

He reminds me of certain autistic men I've met from affluent families. The type who both is taught to repress and mask their own traits, yet also not to be incredibly mindful of the emotions of other people. Because of their status, they don't have to learn how to work out interpersonal conflict because the majority of the people around them are servants or family. People who would never go away if they didn't like you.

So, his vassals have to learn to talk to him and how to carry out his orders. Not the other way around. As a result, Toshiro has a bit of unearned confidence about his leadership abilities and communication skills. NOT in a way that is smug, DO NOT misunderstand me; just in a way that overestimates his own judgement. Maybe he has encyclopedic knowledge for talking to other nobles offscreen, but when it came to his own team, he was ignoring a lot of the good advice they gave him about taking breaks.

Yes, Toshiro is from a high-context culture-- but his communication issues are bad with everyone.

ESPECIALLY his vassals, people he calls family, from the same exact culture as him. They're worried about him, most of them are desperate for acknowledgement, they'd do anything for him, and he doesn't address this until AFTER his brawl with Laios!

His culture clash is very relatable to me in an autistic way

Toshiro knew he was going somewhere that was going to be a melting pot of mostly western cultures. He knew the manners were going to be different, and he came alone, not in a group where he was only interacting with his own people.

Yet he NEVER adjusted his own social behavior.

I'm American and my partner is British. When I first went, I had no idea why they were offering me so much tea. I thought I was being polite by following them into the kitchen, thinking they wanted to move the conversation over there. My partner quickly fixed this by explaining that when someone offers you tea, they're taking a short pause in the lull of a conversation to be a good host.

I am autistic. What someone else might have just figured out through getting an awkward look, I had to be told directly. There are a lot of little things like that.

Toshiro feels like what would happen if the opposite was happening, an autistic person from a high-context culture coming to a low-context culture. He can't properly express discomfort. It's not JUST Laios, King of Autism, that he's having issues talking to. Neither Marcille nor Chilchuck know that "Shuro" is a mispronunciation, and they had no clue that he disliked Laios THIS much.

I even think it's kinda telling that Toshiro felt the most comfortable with Falin out of the rest of the party. The hyper-empathetic autistic girl who goes out of her way to accommodate others.

He has a rigid commitment to his values and morals

A strict, uncompromising moral compass is a hallmark of autism. It's everything Toshiro does!!

When Falin was eaten, he bolted off to assemble the best team he could think of. He believes that love is sacrifice, so he pushes his body and his family to the limit to try and prove how much he loves Falin. Chilchuck freaks out when he finds out that Laios told him about the dark magic, because "HE'S THE WORST PERSON TO TELL!"

LIKE, YEAH! HE SURE IS!

Maizuru also explains that from a very young age, he's been incredibly compliant. He never asks for anything, he's always been a bit sickly and uninterested in eating. He always tries to be on his very best behavior, even if that means not asking for accommodations he might actually need.

In fact, the only food he seems to LIKE eating is what Maizuru makes him. To the point where she ended up getting pulled into the kitchen even when she was on a "mission." Senshi makes a cute comment that it's "love" that Maizuru puts into those meals, but... what if it's actually because she knows the textures and flavors he likes?

Miscellaneous Autism Moments

There's so many little moments that are so incredibly autistic to me.

He sees Falin with a bug and he proposes right on the spot. The other characters are like, "oh that's just how they act in the east" but no the fuck it is not. They don't even know "Shuro" is a mispronunciation, how the hell do they know anything about eastern courting traditions?

I know EXACTLY what happened. I'm beaming you this information directly from the truth.

Toshiro was TOLD that you're supposed to 1. make your proposals a surprise, and 2. you will know the right one when you see them, and NO ONE elaborated any further because he comes from a high context culture. He popped that question the first time both of those boxes were ticked off.

In coming from a high context culture, what he does is strictly follow rules and conditions he was taught.

And that's absolutely why he handed Laios that bell. Because he does care about him and the party, and he's taught that doing these acts of service is a show of that... and he didn't even think ahead to the fact the bell was going to be ringing constantly.

And yet. In spite of that, he ALWAYS keeps it near him.

Before it clicked and I realized why, I used to think Toshiro was kind of an asshole for running off to get his vassals without even telling Marcille and Laios about his plan. Like... how could you not know they were going to do something drastic? The three of them were the Falin Fan Club and he was the most normal member of it. It's so obvious to me that Laios (brother) and Marcille (""Gal Pal"") were going to get themselves in danger.

So how could you just run off like that without telling them? Even if lack of supplies meant they couldn't go back in, how could you just leave them worried sick in the town, thinking you abandoned Falin?

And then it hit me. The man just has low empathy.

There WAS no malice, just like how there wasn't malice in how he was pushing him and his vassals to the limits, just like how there was never malice against Laios. It simply didn't occur to him like that.

He's never been taught to consider the thoughts and feelings of others very deeply and they don't come naturally. He's still compassionate. There's a reason all of his vassals love him!

But THAT'S WHY he never put himself in Laios' shoes, or anyone else's. Empathy does not come naturally to him. All of his good behavior is as a result of his moral code, NOT empathy.

So with that said, why does he love Falin so much? Aside from the wonderful, positive traits he lists when he's asked? I mean, what's really deep down at the core of why he finds these things so lovely?

Well... Falin and Laios are not all that different from each other, to the point where Toshiro gets gently ribbed in a bonus chapter about how if one of them was a girl, Shuro might have loved Laios instead. He waxes poetic about the ways she's different from most women, how she's not afraid of things like insects, her compassion, her face, her laugh.

These are all things Laios does too (in fact in one of the panels where Toshiro is appreciating Falin, she's trying to check if a caterpillar is a male or female), but Falin's personality expresses in a more subdued and introverted way. Closer to how Toshiro is, as a person. So... I think it's because he relates to her.

To both Touden siblings. But Laios makes him see things he doesn't want to.

THE LAIOS FIGHT

We established that Toshiro has a strict commitment to his values, he probably has low empathy, and even taking his cultural differences into account he's bad at communicating.

So then, why was one of his complaints against Laios' obliviousness that he "knows he doesn't mean anything by it, and that makes it worse"? Isn't that kinda specific when you think about it?

If you're neurodivergent, I want you to think back to points in time where you dealt with people who have the same issues you do. Autism, ADHD, PTSD, DID, whatever. Did you ever have a moment where they did something harmless or mildly inconvenient, definitely as a result of the same exact thing you have, and you just... HATED it?

You HATED it even more than you would anyone else doing the same thing. You probably know your response was disproportionate. But YOU don't do that THING they did. Or if you do that, it's less bad somehow. Or you used to do that but don't anymore and it reminds you of when you did.

If you're reflective, you might have realized it might be internalized ableism. I feel like that's a huge part of why Toshiro finds Laios SO. ANNOYING. Laios is like this stupid, idiot, blundering caricature of things Toshiro has been taught to avoid, which violate his moral code. Shuro comes from a place of so many more rules and subtle cues, and it's like Laios doesn't respect any of them.

What STARTS this fight, causes Laios to finally hit back after being smacked, shoved, and shouted at, is being told "YOU'RE NOT TAKING THIS SERIOUSLY."

It's so obviously wrong! Laios, who ran back into a dungeon immediately? Who Toshiro himself called rash? This is NOT a logical conclusion to make about Laios or his party. I think it came from frustration that Laios "does things the wrong way." That it's projection, stemming from that low empathy.

He's not like Kabru in the same chapter, who's desperately trying to get a read on Laios' inner workings and failing. Shuro's just extrapolating his own feelings onto him, because he's recognizing that same "sense" within him. If TOSHIRO didn't follow the rules he sets down for himself, that's not "taking it seriously."

Toshiro follows the rules. Laios does not.

...and Laios is FREE.

He's open and honest in a way Toshiro can never be, not as a noble, not as an easterner, and not as an autistic man. Hell, Laios was ALSO a noble, he gave that up! Threw that away, and then came back to his village and took Falin away from it. If Laios is acting like an idiot, he's acting like an idiot who does everything Toshiro has ever wanted to do. Laios cannot mask and Toshiro resents that.

One of the things Toshiro even explicitly says he HATES about Laios is the fact he's willing to be a burden on other people. Maizuru said earlier that he's NEVER made a "selfish request" before-- but Laios can just open his mouth and ask for help, feeling no shame, just as he did in this chapter when he asked him not to tell the Island Lord about the dark magic.

And then, after they literally come to blows, Toshiro tells Laios some incredibly brutal things, revealing he's NEVER been his friend and he has resented him this whole time. This actually sits with Laios well into the later chapters, but the fight ends and then they're just CHATTING FRIENDLY LIKE IT DIDN'T MATTER.

More honestly than ever before, because Toshiro is returning the effort. He eats some food (the narrative's metaphor for making connections). He thanks his vassals for the first time. He talks about how he wishes he'd told Falin about all the things he adored about her when he still had the chance.

I have to take the panels of his response right out of the manga actually because this little expression here is so subtle, but so meaningful.

(Read <- <- <- that way)

Look at the way that when Laios makes that genuine movement, assuring him with passion that he will be making sure Falin receives this message, Toshiro's gut response is annoyance. But then it softens and he pauses, like he's reconsidering what his response is going to be.

To admit that he envies "this side of Laios" is also admitting that the earlier fight was based on envy.

Laios was like this the WHOLE time. Making these grand speeches about his plans, what his party's been doing, how Toshiro needs to eat something and take a nap. He's ALWAYS been like this. It was Toshiro's mindset that changed.

In conclusion

Something I really like about Dungeon Meshi is HOW MANY of its characters can be read as autistic. Laios is just the most obvious one, with his special interest in monsters and inability to read social cues being central to the plot. His is a more "well known" expression of autism-- it's rare you get characters whose masking is central to their characters.

But it's really refreshing to see characters like Kabru, Falin, and Toshiro. Autistic people are rare enough in popular media to begin with, but we NEVER get characters whose autism intersects with their trauma, gender, and culture quite like these three.

[mellosdrawings]

Twisted boys worst to best, GO!!

I'll make it my fav to my meh if thats fine with you. I fear I would spend hours on a detailed analysis for what I consider to be perfect chara design and motivations otherwise.

-Azul (perfect, 12/10, makes my autism go brr, I still need to do that full analysis for him because I love him too much and have too many thoughts, must pull)

-Jamil (perfect, 11/10, someone please give this man freedom and his weight in cookies, must pull)

-Cater (perfect, 10/10, flashy guy with completely dead eyes, reminds me of Childe, pull if possible)

-Rook (perfect, 10/10, makes my autism go brr, perfect world view ideology, rewired my brain chemistry, pull if possible)

-Idia (perfect, 10/10, peak brother, family angst makes my heart go brr, insufferable asshole, pull if possible)

-Jade (9/10, creepy, would go mushroom hunting with him so we could see who's the most autistic about fungi, sometimes pull)

-Vil (9/10, perfection, made me fall in love instantly during his chapter despite me expecting to dislike him, fawn whenever I see him, pull if possible)

-Leona (8/10, absolute asshole, insufferable dick, wish his flashback was done better so we could see how horrendous it could have truly been, plan on rewriting something someday about that, should be on the pull if possible list but I have no self control for this fucker so I always pull for him)

-Riddle (7/10, made me fall in love with the game, used to kin him in all the wrong ways lol, would've overblotted too in his place, no pull)

-Ruggie (7/10, freaky evil little guy syndrome, has the funniest synergy with Leona, love him, would pull for him if I was rich)

-Kalim (10/10, best character ever and people underestimate him and his potential too much, would smother him in kisses, despite being perfect he is still low on the list coz I'm a mess, sometimes pull)

-Floyd (7/10, creepy asshole, love his mood swings and how everybody just works around it, perfect trio with the two others, sometimes pull)

-Deuce (6/10, lovely little mama boy, doing his best, I want to cheer for him, no pull)

-Trey (6/10, perfect house husband, love how hard he tries to be normal even though he's just as much a freak as everybody else, no pull though was tempted once)

-Sebek (5/10, I see potential but I'm not yet familiar with him, golden retriever vibe, would give him a smooch, no pull though I was tempted once)

-Silver (5/10, not familiar with him yet but he has very interesting themes, no pull)

-Epel (5/10, little dick, needs to learn to move past his misogyny and I love that theme for him, but keeps being done dirty by the story who refuses to have him learn the lesson, no pull)

-Lilia (4/10, should be one of my fav coz I absolutely love the "retired war god who settled down to become a father" trope, but I just can't get the spark with him for some reason..., no pull though I was tempted once)

-Ortho (5/10, best baby bro, has a lot of potential, but rarely ever used properly, no pull)

-Jack (4/10, best tsundere boy but kinda boring in my opinion, no pull)

-Ace (5/10, very good character but I would've blocked him so hard coz I can't stand that kind of behavior lol, no pull)

-Malleus (3/10, just like Lilia his trope is usually one I love but I seriously can't care about him no matter how hard I try, no pull)

Others:

-Crowley (10/10, peak character, would punch him in the face if he was real, must pull)

-Sam (9/10, very interesting, would love to see his card or have him more often on screen, would pull)

-Crewel (9/10, dom daddy, gives a mix of Vil and Leona vibe lol, must pull)

-Trein (9/10, father and widower, cat dad, would make him tea and scones, must pull)

-Vargas (3/10, surprisingly one dimensional when the game is so good at fully fleshing its characters, waiting to see more)

-Rollo (9/10, absolute asshole, desperately needs a hug and therapy, should also probably go in prison lol, very interesting fodder for Idia, would have pulled if I had any extra gems)

-Fellow and Gidel (10/10, brothers, assholes, completely out if it and loving them for it, still need to read their stories but I already love them, must pull)

-Skully/Skelly (10/10, looks like the weirdest little shit, super cringe, already loving him but still need to see, must pull)

[variousqueerthings]

omg dude (gn) you got into due south? I've followed you for a long time bc mash, I love it when people I know from other fandoms get into my most beloved stuff <3 check out @ds30below btw if you're interested, it's an anniversary fest I run with a lof of fun stuff etc etc! and have funnnnn it's such a great show!

helloooooooo

yes, a bunch of mutuals have been going wild over it for a hot sec and it was Time!

I'm on episode 3 (not counting the pilot) and I have a lot of initial Thoughts to bring over from the discord onto this illustrious site, so i will use this ask as An Excuse:

Frasier is really introduced as an Archetype of masculinity, which is almost immediately subverted by his being completely without machismo -- his machismo is so in the negative that he goes around and becomes this Ideal of masculinity instead

the fact that his ethos is kindness, but it's not necessarily guileless. it is selfless in that he's not necessarily expecting to get returns on it all the time, but it's also -- to him -- often truly the most effective means to an end: if you're kind to others, people will often become kinder. this can be useful in the shortterm (if you give this kid a nice sandwich and don't threaten him with jail time and help him out a bit, he'll try to help with a case...) and in the longterm (this kid will stay in school and have a better future ahead of him, hopefully)

(i will get to ray btw, need to just get all the frasier thoughts out first)

frasier really embodies autistic swag. he takes things incredibly literally, he follows scripts (in this case, The Mountie Script, and also within that some kinda Code Of Gallantry), he's an incredible people-reader of the "autistic savant" type arguably (except there's more to him so the savant trope doesn't quite hold, which is good), his relationship with his dog Diefenbaker, the fact that although he is nigh-effortlessly kind of charming (because he's clark kent vibes!!! he's charming in a way as if he stepped out of a novel set 100 years ago in which kissing women's hands was the norm) he doesn't really make close friendships easily, because there's an Otherness to him that keeps him at a distance to others (except ray. WE WILL GET TO RAY STAY TUNED)

speaking of Distance, a lot of the aroaceness i've read into him so far (and we're literally only three episodes in!!!) really does feel like his autism is triggered by come-ons in the "this is not in my script!" kind of way. his charm is tripped up by the obvious step of "charming man is charming, I will shoot my shot," it's happened several times and every time he tries to extricate himself in the most awkward way possible. can't go on a date, you see. i have.. a dog. and no phone. um. ok. bye.

lot of thoughts on his hero-worship of his absent father and how much of his script comes from wanting to make his father proud

frasier also tastes things a lot of the time and ray thinks it's gross and i think that's something too. the doctor (doctor who) autism coded

OKAY TIME FOR RAY

he reminds me. of gonzo. he has the same transmasc swag. as gonzo. his shirts. his ties. that fuckn. OVERSIZED SO OVERSIZED MASSIVE STUPID JACKET. he's transmasc swag/fail coded in the same way as gonzo. he is gonzo

ray spends so much time in the beginning admonishing frasier for his consistent kindness to others, and the thing is. The Thing Is. he met frasier and (barring the immediate impression) decided to nearly immediately invite him to a massive family dinner. then he saved him from a bomb and got himself hospitalised. then he followed him to canada to help him. and that's only in the pilot! ray is so kind to frasier constantly. he's such an abrasive man to pretty much everyone except to frasier from day one

when frasier asked him to get a special pass for his wolf and at the end of the episode he did, and frasier was like: "i only asked you once and you got it 🥺" "of course i did, you asked me for it 😍"

just. nigh. constantly. kind. to. him. currently frasier's in hospital because he got stabbed and we had ray running to see him, forcing his way into his room, comforting him, sir you make fun of the way all the girls fall at his feet (and how frasier never notices) I think you are one of the girls!

MY MAN GOT HIM FLOWERS WHILE HE WAS IN HOSPITAL JUST BECAUSE??????? SIR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (he also makes him take aspirin, he's giving real caretaker in this episode)

so far we know less about ray than about frasier, but im glad the show has him be mouthy, sarcastic, pessimistic, but he's not cruel or callous -- arguably he wants frasier in his life in order to challenge him on his cynical worldview, he's nourished and inspired by frasier's approach towards the world as much as everyone else

misc: I really like that the world being presented isn't necessarily kind, but the main characters (ray learning to be softer via frasier) are kind as a response. it's got some Coolness Factor Shorthand stuff going on ofc, but it is fundamentally a story about facing a relatively realistic world with kindness in order to make it better

I'm sad eric schweig was only in the pilot but the main thrust of the show does take place in chicago i guuuuuuuesss. his role in that pilot was great though, a lot of interesting stuff about taking away frasier's rose-coloured lens of the world, and especially canada, but he also gets what's his at the end, so he's not just there to "offer advice" (although there is a bit of that trope for sure, especially as he doesn't seem to have a name). great character, if I write fic where they go to canada he's definitely gonna be in there!

me and @gjdraws were talking about how ray clearly likes spoiling frasier -- he's the one with the money, he gets him the wolf licence, brings him flowers in hospital, carries aspirin for him.... I'm just saying we were robbed of a "ray takes frasier shopping and there's a montage" bit, considering how frasier only has two fuckn outfits in the first few episodes. who took him shopping??? there's no way he went on his own steam. that was ray all the way! private runway show

[velvet-vox]

All of the points that go in favour/against Doll coming back to life.

So, originally, I wanted to make a post of theory/analysis on Cyn and the possibility of her being redeemed at the end of the show; one of the points that I was going to make for said redemption was that Doll's death was meant as a cautionary tale, the main team of the series is abuse and how trauma affects us into becoming the worst version of ourselves, Doll was a trauma victim who was so dead set in her unhealthy coping mechanism that she ended screwing over her entire life, granted said redemption for Doll wasn't unreachable as showcased by her last living moments, but by then the damage was done; Cyn, on the other hand, could have potentially realised all of the harm she was doing even as far back as before the gala massacre, but then, it kind of reminded me why I ended up never making that post.

You see, the thing is, I don't understand Cyn.

At all.

Like, I also for the longest time couldn't understand Doll despite being hyper obsessed with her, and took over a year, countless analyses done by other people and (unfortunately) episode 7 until I could finally come to understand her to the deep, narrative level that I do now, and I still don't know if I truly got everything.

But with Cyn, not only do I not understand her like I do with other characters, but..... I also kind of feel left out.

To me, it seems like the fanbase at large is obsessed with this little gremlin; I'm autistic as well, since that's the main head canon floating around, yet I don't really relate to a word she says, to me, the hype surrounding Cyn feels similar to the hype surrounding Nori pre episode 7: we have this almost blank slate character that is characterized enough to not be an head canon dump, she is super relevant to both the plot and to one of the protagonist backstory, it's one of the main antagonistic forces, and is generally super important.... Yet I still don't get her nor do I get her surrounding hype. I've read a couple of analyses, and would gladly accept if someone sent me some more, since just a single Murder Drones character requires a lot of digging to fully comprehend in its entirety.

But finally going back to Doll, I want to make a short list of all the points in favour and against a possible resurrection of her character, starting with the pros.

Pros:

- Doll is definitely a big selling point for the russian audience of Murder drones, as I have seen various people lament her death on the fact that she was russian alone; funnily enough, this was also my main reasoning to not kill her off as I and other people started learning russian all because of her.

- Gonna reiterate the fact that Doll is, currently, peak russian representation, and it just feels rather insensitive from Liam to kill her off permanently when there's already Yeva and her dad, two russians, whose death is much more acceptable.

- Doll, unlike Alice, Beau, Rebecca or others, had so much potential as a character, being Uzi's foil and all, and to not capitalize on that would be a huge waste.

- Her death, although very impactful, was not, per se, as narratively satisfying as it could have been (see Nox from Wakfu), so it might've been a mislead, and if V comes back, there's a chance Doll might come back too since Doll x V is the parallel dynamic to Uzi x N.

- Gonna mention personal bias. It's not important nor is it a valid point but it had to be mentioned.

- Doll parents are already dead but we had a whole Yeva flashback in episode 7 that I can't explain in ways other than she'll be relevant in the future, and if she turns out to be alive, even if mind controlled, Doll's death is inevitably going to lose a lot of impact because, as it stands, it's balanced, but with the twist, it could retroactively feel like drama porn.

- She wasn't unreademable, just unreachable and deeply hurt, if she had a second chance to make up for her mistakes I believe she would take it in a heartbeat, I can only imagine the immense amount of guilt she was feeling while dying, she must've realised she only caused more damage in the long run and couldn't do anything to fix it, so if she could help Uzi out even as a digital ghost, it might just give her the sense of closure she so desperately needed.

- If Nori can come back as a core, so can Doll, they just need to cut Cyn stomach in a non lethal way.

And now, for the sadly more probable cons:

- This is Liam Vickers we are talking about.

- Even with all of her potential, hers and her family backstory feel rather.... disconnected from everything else going on right now? Like, Yeva might have been this important figure into Nori's past, but as of right now, aside from her impact, she really doesn't seem too relevant to the main plot; same thing with Doll, in fact, it was Doll's own insistence to be relevant that led to her demise, because, despite everything, the story revolves around N and Uzi manages to survive because she is important to N, and even then, she still sacrifices her own life for him.

- The narrative has always been pretty disrespectful to her? Like, I'm not talking about her sad backstory, sad development, and even sadder death, (this master guide over here realistically had no end in sight as you could just go on and on forever) I mean in general there was a clear lack of commitment to her side of things from the writing team, I think I've read somewhere else that in the original animation Uzi even walked on Doll's body as she was running to N; many theorised that they only came up with her story only after the pilot dropped, and I can't help but think that it has to be true because she had this air of mystery that in my opinion went anywhere and in the pilot she's a background character. I don't know, from a supposedly sympathetic villain the writing was rather unsympathetic towards her whole situation and she felt more like your average b##ch in the episodes following the prom.

- She still fulfilled her limited narrative role, so changing it back could alter future developments and remove impact from the tragedy of this cautionary tale, since, in all honesty, Doll's side story would require the show to switch off the plot too much and unfortunately that's never been a priority for the writing team. Also bringing back up Nox from Wakfu (still gonna make that comparison post) whose Doll shares some themes with, even though his personal story was extremely tragic, it was extremely disconnected from all of the main characters as he was more of a warmup baddie for Yugo to get in the groove, and he never returned physically aside from passive mentions and an illusion.

- I don't think they went out of the way to showcase Cyn eating Doll's core just for it to be a fake out.

- Even with all of my personal biases, aside from her starring episode she never had a real purpose in the grand scheme of things so her death was probably just a way to cut off loose ends.

- She isn't a protagonist despite what she deluded herself into, so plot armour applies even less to her than it does with the main trio (spoiler: it doesn't).

Ultimately, in my heart and mind, despite what I really want, I know Doll's not coming back.

She was disrespected, screwed over by both the writing and her own twisted mind, and since this is a somewhat heavy horror show despite the comedy, I really don't think we are going to see her reunited with her parents as a ghost nor will she be in robot hell or heaven, I really think she is just dead.

That's so sad. What a shame.

Farewell, comrade.

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[samthetrekkie]

I feel like I've abundantly established that I don't think the tos movies are the best ones ever made and this one was especially wild to me, but I still do have a soft spot for all of them. I never leave thinking "oh, I didn't like that", even if there were entire scenes were I was like ??? and/or second hand embarrassed. (think, uhura dancing naked, them thinking the alien on the planet is literally god). but then sybok asking when the pain began and spock goes "this is the scene of my birth" was way too funny to me (sorry spock). and the turbo boots scene in the jeffries tube was also really entertaining in a slapsticky way.

the general plot was a bit strange, but it actually reminded me of og tos episodes. at the same time, that's not necessarily a good thing… I liked the shore leave scenes, even though they were a bit long considering how short the movie was. it also reminded me of those old, unauthorized tos books (even though I've never actually read any of those) where they recycle typical tos episodes, but make it a little larger and filled with some non-canon info, like the random pairings. I do think scotty and uhura are kind of cute though! it came out of nowhere, but it kind of makes sense to me. (why do they call each other by their last names though?) and then cut to chekov and sulu in the woods bickering like a couple. makes sense as well. but why are these people serving on the same ship in the same positions again after they've become really high ranking officers? I think it actually made a lot of sense in wrath of khan that e.g. chekov was a first officer on a different ship and spock captain. but considering this, it makes a lot of sense that some (all) of them are bound to date each other at some point. it's like going to class with the same people for 8 years.

I surprisingly liked spock leaning more into his human side and being emotional than usual. it makes sense in my head that, after he was reborn, he kind of saw how short life was and that there was no need to keep up a facade at all times, but still not lose his identity. similar to seven in picard, I am always worried about autistic-coded characters changing their personality heavily after a while, but with spock it feels quite natural and it even worked with seven in the later picard seasons. I just think it's all about the balance. like I enjoy those characters being more comfortable, especially around friends and loved ones, but they shouldn't change entirely how they are and still seem "reserved". and I think leonard nimoy especially did well in that, even if this script gave him some out of character lines I think (like the "damn you, sir!"). have I already mentioned I think leonard nimoy is the best actor in tos…?

speaking of spock's rebirth and rethinking, I do see him being more open with kirk (I almost wrote jim, but that feels weird) and they had very much a married couple vibe in this movie. even the little maritial crisis in the brig was there. so I'd like to think kirk finally made a commitment :) and while there were not too many one on one scenes with these two, the next to last scene was more than one could wish for, spirk-wise. their intense eye contact and "please captain, not in front of the klingons" while standing extremely close to one another and kirk grabbing spock. like I've seen so many posts that shatner denies there was anything between kirk and spock, but the way he played kirk, I mean come on. I'm sure there wasn't a direction in the script that said "kirk stares lovingly up at spock". but he fully did in this scene! we have proof! and kirk holding on for dear life to spock as he rescues him with the turbo boots in the jeffries tube was also something. I mean of course you need to hold on, but kirk was embracing spock with a closeness different than mccoy did. (but then there is this strange thing with mccoy, where I keep thinking: is he third wheeling or is this a three way relationship? I somehow can't see mccoy fitting in with kirk and spock's romantic vibe and I don't see him in an erotic way in general but… tumblr is giving me ideas...)

a very long winded post to say: superfluous, but overall enjoyable movie. while watching, I also suddenly had flashbacks that this was the first (!) piece of star trek that I had ever (consciously) watched. it was on tv when I was like 10 and I kept zapping away and was surprised when it was still going and was like: isn't this supposed to be a tv show? and my dad, who grew up watching tos, had no memory of there ever being star trek movies in the 80s. he also had never heard of pretty much any star trek shows after tos at that point, so he was living under a rock, apparently. anyway, some of the scenes of this movie were really etched into my mind and I honestly think one of the subconscious reasons I wanted to watch tos was to get context to these scenes! (of course besides me wanting to watch all of star trek from the beginning.)

[scoobysnakz]

Hard Luck

Chap iv

It’s hard finding love when your sole reason to live is your daughter, but when her best friends dad is annoyingly attractive and might have something to do with your rent randomly getting paid, who can blame you for being a little curious?

||* mostly fluff, Raya being an undiagnosed autistic child bc I'm plotting something evil, domestic Miguel if you squint, slightly pervy reader, mentions of oral reader receiving, reader being a silly fan-girl, cliff hanger bc why not.

Guilt. It's an overwhelming feeling that sits in the pit of his stomach in a way he's far too familiar with.

Miguel can name all the good and bad things about guilt. The way it allows you to be held accountable for your actions makes, your mind fray with culpability. How it can prevent someone- him- from doing something that will drive them- him- insane and remind them- him- that they have to have morals that keep them- him- grounded. Or else… or else.

There have been plenty of times Miguel has felt culpability and they have all been about something much more drastic than this. He's lost people, a family, so, so many versions of his family.

He needs to get this universe right. The thought of losing Gabi again makes his gut clench and that ticking in his jaw form again.

The first time it had happened, people had been upset for him, Peter had left him alone without being asked more than once and Jess was just the right amount of critical and loving. They were his guilt.

Then it happened again. And again. And again. And then people were becoming concerned for him, but the kind where they scolded and questioned him so he stopped telling people each time he found a universe he could live in. That first universe was the only one he destroyed he's made sure of that.

And yet he's feeling so intensely guilty for his stalker-like tendencies when he's done much worse.

He knows he shouldn't have followed you, waited for you to enter the shop and prayed to anyone above that your card would cancel. But he needed to get your number- for parental reasons of course. And now he has it.

“I can't do that again,” Miguel groans, hand sliding down his face as he slumps into his chair.

Lyla snickers at him, hands covering her face while her legs kick in the air. Miguel looks over at her, expression unamused.

“It was a complete betrayal of her trust,” his fingers drum on the smooth wood of his desk.

“Don’t think the two of you had a trusting relationship, considering you only just got her number.” her teasing earns her a wave of dismissal.

“I’m this close,” he holds his hand in the air, thumb and index finger millimetres away, “from replacing you.” His leg bounces up and down, jaw tightened and lips pursed.

She scoffs at him and waves a blurred-out finger at him before slumping down on his desk. “But if you replace me how will you watch your girlfriend?”

“You aren't funny. I was watching her because I needed… her daughter is Gabi’s friend I can't have her being some scumbag.” his tone is harsh, fed up, and irritated, but he can't bite back the grin that forms at her teasing.

“She isn't a scumbag…”

Lyla hums in feigned disagreement, her minute pixelated frame now perched on his shoulder as she smirks up at him.

“She’s nice… to me, and old people.”

He glances out the window, dark clouds threatening rain as they swarm the grey sky. He sighs and looks back over at Lyla. He came to this universe for Gabi.

But he can't stop himself from thinking back to the way you smelt. The faint coconut and the mellowness of your washing powder settled gently against his skin like a thin, taunting mist, teasing his stiffening cock.

He relishes the way you let him pull you near. How easily you submitted to the man who hasn't even had a proper conversation with you and pretended to be his partner- his wife. How you put up such a lazy fight against it that it felt almost playful. How your eyes softened the moment you saw him. How you allowed him to help you despite the embarrassment that followed it.

“When you’ve finished being hopeless lover boy,” Lyla chirps, “you might want to y’know be Spiderman.”

***

Miguel didn't expect his offer to go so well. He just assumed that being stuck with two nine-year-old girls for a few hours would be hell but it's surprisingly entertaining.

He knows Gabi inside and out, yet when she's with Raya she's different. And it doesn't feel forced.

The two of them spent ages trying to figure out a flavour because they obviously had to have the same one. They both ended up choosing chocolate, much to Miguel’s distaste. And then when Gabi wanted a sprinkle cone but Raya wanted a plain one they ended up getting tubs.

“It's because she's my best friend, papá,” Gabi had stated as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. Which had made him chuckle.

“How was school?” he asks, feeling a little left out of the conversation.

Raya’d attention is immediately diverted towards him, wide eyes following each movement of his face. “It was fun,” she says quietly- shyly, making sure to swallow before speaking. It’s good table manners

“Papá, we’re talking!” Gabi whines with a pout, “Raya doesn't want to tell you about her day because you're boring.”

So he sits there, practically spilling out of the tiny metal chair, watching them laugh at him and whatever else makes girls their age giggle the way they are. He keeps a smile on his face and his phone on vibrate, waiting for you to reply to his text, or read it at least.

***

Your back arches with ecstasy, hips jolting upwards towards the source of your pleasure. You can feel your gummy walls clenching and when you look down to see what it is that's sliding inside your cunt, you’re met with the sight of the top of someone's head.

Thick, brown curls, all unfurled as you slide your fingers away. They look familiar in a way that makes you feel giddy.

Desperate to see who’s providing this bliss, you push their head away. You’re left with an achy, empty feeling as they pull their fingers out of you and drag their tongue off your puffy folds but you'll have to push past it. Maybe whine a little, but you'll manage.

You look down, brain too fuzzy with arousal to even process Miguel’s deep, chocolatey eyes gazing up at you. He's smiling boyishly, fangs poking over the tops of his perfectly formed, lips that are coated in a deliciously thick layer of your arousal.

“Can I keep going, Hermosa?” his velvety voice rumbles, sending chills down your spine.

Before you get a chance to beg for more than his skilled fingers and soft tongue, the sound of a traumatic radar sound blares and you’re forced awake.

You lie there for a moment, one hand lazily slung across your forehead while the other grips your mouth.

You can't tell if it's guilt or arousal but you can't think straight. All you know is that you just had a painfully realistic dream of a man you barely know eating you out. Part of you wishes it lasted longer but that's beside the point.

There's an uncomfortable slickness between your thighs and you're slightly tempted to do something about it but the constant ringing of your alarm reminds you that you do, in fact, have some form of common sense.

Ignoring the guilt that's swimming in your gut, you sit upright, legs dangling over the edge of the sofa. You sit there for a moment, trying to figure out if you should be feeling that guilt or if it's your brain’s fault. You settle for the latter.

Yawning, you pick up your phone, scanning for notifications you know aren't there. A few from the weather app, another from a period tracking app that says your ovulating (that explains the dream- hopefully) and then… a text from Miguel.

It's one of those texts that you don't know how to reply to, it's got a simple answer but that's rude and all of the emojis are far too informal for someone you have saved as ‘Gabi’s dad’

You stare at Miguel’s text. Let the letter jumble up and scramble into unintelligible blobs as your eyes start to sting with tears before you allow yourself to blink.

I’ve got the girls. Could you text me your address so I can drop Raya off later?

He’s got the girls and now he wants your address. That's the part that makes it so hard to reply.

You don't live in the nicest of areas, graffiti in the stairwell that you have to use because the lift stinks of piss, loud neighbours and a possibly dead cat stuffed into one of the bins at the entrance.

It's embarrassing.

Miguel’s a tailored man, with slicked-back hair and freshly ironed clothes. You contemplated lying about your address, tell him it's some random house, meet him outside before quickly running off with Raya to get the bus.

But you don't want her growing up ashamed of not having money. You can't have her becoming a pompous brat who whines about not getting things. Because that's not who is she now, nor will she ever be.

You tap the smooth glass of your phone screen over and over again with your thumb before forcing yourself to reply. And almost immediately you get a reply

‘👍’

You can't stop the smile that forms on your lips at how fast his response is, he was probably on his phone or coincidentally looking checking his notifications when you sent the text.

But now you have nothing to do. You couldn't pick up an extra shift because- thanks to your stupidity- you somehow forgot that you can't randomly change your hours as a carer. And apparently, you can't even sleep without being a pervert.

Sleep sounds nice though. Your eyes are heavy with countless nights of single-digited hours of sleep. It's pulling at your brain in a way that makes your thoughts fuzzy and your body slowly sinks back into the sofa again.

A loud thudding noise startles you from your sleep. It's repetitive and loud so your first instinct is to slam off your alarm but when you see a blank screen you divert your fatigued brain to the front door.

Completely forgetting about Raya being out with Miguel and Gabi, you pull the door open. You look a mess, mascara smudged and eyes heavier than the weights he probably lifts with those delicious arms…

“Mum,” Raya mumbles, her face buried in her chest as pulls you close.

You stumble back, fighting back a yawn, and nearly fall onto the sofa but Raya pulls you forward. “Hey, baby,” you smile down at her, laughing awkwardly at nearly making a complete fool of yourself.

You drag your gaze up to Miguel, his board shoulders filling out the doorway while his hand clutches onto Gabi’s.

“Miguel,” your voice is groggy but cute and it makes him feel safe on the inside, “Thank you for having her.” You go to playfully nudge Raya but she's no longer next to you, now shyly hidden behind you, clutching into your shirt.

“She has beautiful manners,” his voice is like velvet that's been melted by a log fire and poured on top of Valentine's chocolates.

He looks down at you, eyes briefly tearing away from you to discreetly inspect your apartment. It's cute, homely, you. Lots of blankets and cushions, picture frames dotted around, and a random coat stand that stands bare.

“Would you like to come in?” you offer, attempting to stifle another yawn, failing to succeed as pleasantly the last time.

Miguel opens his mouth, pretty lips parted so perfectly that your half-awake brain might just fall for him on the spot.

“Please, papá! Raya said she has a bunch of teddies!” Gabi pleads, her accent bearing a striking resemblance to Miguel’s.

Before he gets a chance to decline, she pushes past him and skips over to Raya. She grabs her hand and almost immediately her awkwardness melts away as they run into her room.

“Sorry, she's really-”

“Bold?” you offer, head cocked to the side.

“Yeah... Let's go with that version.”

The two of you share an awkwardly dry chuckle before you both look away.

“Coffee?” you break the silence.

“Would be nice,” he finishes for you.

Nervously, you lead him to your minute kitchen island, kicking random toys out of the way before he gets a chance to see them.

As he walks through your apartment, your home, Miguel can't help but feel at ease. It's messy but not in an unhygienic way, you can just tell it's lived in happily.

The waterrings on the countertops, a random bag of bouncy balls left on the floor for someone to trip on. Miguel can imagine himself here, not living, but staying.

Maybe his shoes lazily kicked off in a slobbish pile on the sofa, Gabi’s coat slung on the unused coat rack next to Raya’s and yours.

“Sorry it's a mess, I was going to tidy up but I got… sidetracked. But I promise it's not normally this messy, just today. Which is strangely coincidental but it really isn't. And-”

“It's nice in here,” he cuts you off as if he couldn't hear what you'd just said.

His small slither of praise makes you smile. That toothrottingly sweet smile that makes every fibre of his being burn with arousal.

“Thanks.”

You turn your back to him, searching for your coffee before you grab a small glass jar that has instant coffee in it.

“Fuck,” you grumble, “its empty. So… no coffee for us,” you laugh.

He shrugs his shoulders and takes the jar from you.

“Bin?” he asks.

“There,” you point, “left side is recyclable and right is the other stuff.”

He opens the bin and drops the jar, smiling in satisfaction as it lands with a soft third. He lifts his foot from the pedal before catching a glimpse of red. Curious, he presses down on the pedal again and reads the block writing.

EVICTION NOTICE

[bluegumballmf]

lately ive realized i DESPISE the way the witch is treated in the stp fandom. Like,she's playful and guarded, not some uwu cat girl. She was created from a betrayal of trust and she shifts her personality both as a trauma response AND because the player’s perception of her shifts

Like shit we can see changing personalities as a trauma response IN THE WITCH

She is TRYING to confuse the player so that he doesn't hurt her anymore cus she trusted him and then got stabbed in the back like shes not just a uwu catgirl im so mad she just gets reduced to that. Also like- adaptability is a necessary feature for humans to have to survive.

And the princess's whole thing is adaptability, so ofc she shifts when someone who she trusted stabs her in the back like

Aughhh i hate it when characters are reduced to stereotypes

But like i could go on for hours about how the princess is boiled down to certain traits about her in the stp fandom because it irks me so bad

Aughhh let her be a deep character for one second.

AND ALSO FOR YOUR ACTIONS HAVING CONSEQUENCES BEING THE ENTIRE PURPOSE IF THE GAME IT ISNT ACKNOWLEDGED BY THE FANDOM NEARLY AS MUCH AS ITS NEEDED TO BE.

Im biased for the thorn route because it shows that gaining back trust is a mutual process that invloves both of you adressing that you hurt the other

The princess herself reminds me of a trauma response actually; Using adaptability to stay alive, always becoming what you expect her to be. Its how she survives, and its a really good parallel to abuse victims or victims of any kind

Goddd im so normal about this game and its metaphors

NO BC GOING BACK TO THE THORN ROUTE-FORGIVENESS WHEN ITS ACTUALLY EARNED AND RECIPROCATED IS SO GOOD

GRRER

you have no idea how long this rant has been stewing in my autistic little head

Ijust

I think the stranger route is the best example of someone right after receiving trauma

Scrambling to figure out what happened-why did they fracture? Why did everything change? who are they now? (edited)

They're scrambling for answers and overwhelmed with emotions and so so confused and so scared, because this trauma-as little or as large as it may seem, will affect them

It reminds me of some people ive known who've reacted similarly to trauma and thats a thing i love about stp

It doesnt shy away from being realistic and raw and ugly, Because thats what humanity is. And even gods can be human, even gods can be ugly.

[focusfixated]

in my quest to archive old fandom works i have been peeling through old livejournal entries to find links to fics and fanart, and i came across this entry dated july 2007, when i travelled way out of town to meet some fandom friends:

the reminder struck me that i used to refer to my anxiety disorder as "my adrenaline", because i had no knowledge at the time that it was a disorder, or what being anxious even was, except a word that came up in the thesaurus next to "nervous" or sometimes "keen".

all i had was the experience of what felt like high levels of adrenaline pumping, needlessly, around my body. i would notice the tight stomach, the tight chest, the way my fingers would go cold. i knew what an adrenaline rush felt like, so i called my anxiety the same thing. a big burst of adrenaline that made me feel shaky and strange.

it's interesting to me. because i don't think i necessarily saw it at the time as something connected to psychological or mental health. by not having the language to describe it as a disorder, i simply made a pretty bang-on assessment of understanding what was happening in my body - an excess of adrenaline that would sometimes "go fucking crazy", that i was aware of and simply had to live with.

i guess my observations from this are twofold:

this is, demonstrably, evidence for the concept that we do not have "more" people with various disorders these days, but that the language to describe the disorders that had already manifested has evolved, and both become standardised enough to be a recognisable descriptor, and also nuanced enough to cover a range of experiences.

there was certainly an interim period when i discovered i had an anxiety disorder, where the ability to label it as such and both seek support from other people and allow grace for myself was an incredible relief and extremely useful. however, i do often think about the sentiment outlined in this post, as below:

depathologizing your own responses to things means no longer worrying about which symptom matches which diagnosis matches which branded treatment model and instead practicing gentle non-judgmental curiosity about what you’re going through

that is, having gone through the labelling phase (for multiple things, "becoming" - i.e. finding the language to describe myself as - neurodivergent, autistic, nonbinary, genderqueer, a person with anxiety), i feel like the end result of leaning on the label as an explanation for what i'm experiencing is no more practically useful than simply describing how it felt.

saying now, "the reason i find this difficult is because i have an anxiety disorder", while comforting initially, can kind of engender a give-up response. whereas, "my adrenaline is off the fucking charts right now" also asks, "well, why? can you do the task anyway? do you need a sit-down first? maybe we can try again later."

(to be clear: these are personal observations and not universal statements about anyone else's experiences at all. i think there are mixed positives and negatives around these concepts, and it's more an observation of being subject to the changing trajectories of science, language and culture, rather than really trying to discover the correct practice.)

[izzyspussy]

okay so. jamie has a "don't get along very well because they're too similar" vibe going on with both beard and nate.

with beard because of certain past experiences and certain behavioral responses to them and related similar attachment styles and also there's some tension because one of them is a self-hater about All That and at once hates the other guy too by default and is envious that he doesn't also hate himself but i'm not naming names it could definitely totally be either one haha [smiling with sweat drop emoji].

with nate because they are both so autism. and they're not like opposing autistic traits guys, like sensory-seeking vs easily overstimulated etc, but just because they are both either undiagnosed or misdiagnosed but very very aware that they are Different than their other peers, and being around each other - especially in any not very strictly professional capacity - the Sameness in them is really highlighted and it makes them both almost like. disconcerted, the way you'd get in a really gnarly hall of mirrors. and like neither of them is like ashamed necessarily, but they do both prefer, i think maybe a lot like colin not wanting to be a spokesperson or rebecca not wanting to go to the superleague meeting because she knew she was only invited because she's a woman, they prefer if it's allowed to just be a not particularly notable facet to their whole personality and not something other people can point at and go hm that guy checks these autism boxes or whatever, you get me? so when they're together and they are reflecting/magnifying each other via their similarities, in addition to the hall of mirrors feeling, they also get kinda self-conscious, because then jamie can't just be like oh i'm like this because i'm so quirky and beautiful and nate can't just be like i'm like this because i'm such a genius bc their attention (and everyone else's, they fear) becomes more drawn to the This that they're Like as a connected set of traits instead of as separate little pieces of their wholes.

so basically, jamie and beard and nate all really Get each other on certain particular levels that nobody else really does, and they all empathize with each other in specific ways, and they are all willing to back each other up or stick their necks out for each other (post-s3 when beard and nate are no longer trying to be in fucking highlander where There Can Be Only One and they need to fucking behead the other two - not to say jamie was handling them any better circa s1, he just needed at least one of them around to patsy for him hgjsklw), but beard-jamie and nate-jamie absolutely cannot like Hang Out or make actual friends with each other.

and beard has a "get along great because they're so similar" vibe with both bumbercatch and keeley (who, once they get to know each other better through beard, also have that with each other), and also of course with roy, who in turn has that with rebecca. and nate has that vibe with colin, and once he stops feeling Weird about when he kissed her he has it with keeley too.

and beard has a sort of semi-onesided/deep but distant adoration of sam where he just really likes to be around him because he's just so great, and also maybe kind of reminds him a little bit of ted and his presence can help beard not feel like he's suffering more than jesus from missing the (straight) bestie (who was an Almost QPP but now is really "just" the bestie) so so so bad every second he's alive lmao. and nate has an also mostly onesided but more utilitarian relationship of sam where he'll plant himself within vibes range of him so that he can absorb some of his positivity and openness, as a way to reenforce to himself that See! you can be generous and nice and emotionally available without getting hurt, Look! It's Really Possible! Don't!! Be A Prickish Cocky Wounded Butterfly!!!

and beard has that utilitarian vibe, but eventually more requited, vibe with jan mass. when he needs a Lesson or a reality check and nate or higgins is being too understanding and sympathetic with him, and rebecca is being too "go ahead and keep fucking around, but if you do you're gonna find out" type of permissive, and roy either needs the same lesson/check or is worse or just doesn't know how to talk about it, and ted is too far away to impart his wisdom effectively or wouldn't Get the issue well enough to speak on it at all, beard will go to jan and give him a spoken bulletpoint list of the sitch and jan will tell him exactly and precisely How It Is equally as efficiently. and in the inverse, after beard doing that with him enough to count as a pattern, jan maas will go to beard when someone is behaving in a contradictory/hypocritical/counterintiutive manner and beard will explain to him a few possible reasons one might be a bit insane in that situation (dr sharon would of course be much a more reliable source on this topic, but it would be unethical to ask her since the people being discussed would frequently be her other patients).

MEANWHILE. beard and nate have BOTH a "don't get along very well because they're too similar" AND a "get along great because they're so similar" vibe with each other going on at the same time. they have the parallel backstory and reaction to that beard has with jamie (and honestly nate kind of has this with jamie too, but nate isn't ready to acknowledge that and neither was the narrative and neither are most of y'all lol. cough.) and therefore the same deep understanding and relation to each other. and they in fact actually both have self-haterism about it, which at times results in hate of the self through the other but at times results in a particularly poignant flavor of empathy+compassion. plus beard feels he has like a duty to Honor what ted did for him, and nate feels the same duty to honor beard (and ted). so in effect they end up with a similar kind of dynamic to siblings, where truly no one else will ever Know them this way up to and including most of their actual relatives, romantic partners, best friends, etc, and no one else will ever love or hate them with the depth and intensity that they love and hate each other (and themselves), no one else will ever be capable of healing and hurting them as well as they can heal and hurt each other, and they will never ever ever ever not pick up the phone when the other calls even if someday they've not been on speaking terms for thirty years, and all of this will never ever in their whole entire lives ever change no matter fucking what - it's all utterly unconditional and will only die when both of them do.

which is almost like what beard has and will always have with ted, and is maybe also almost like something nate could have had with ted too if they hadn't both fucked that. BUT. with one tiny little difference that makes so very much difference. nate is only straight-ish. if they keep things good, they will grow into Actual QPPs.

and even if beard by that point hasn't already had the growth and fortitude to leave jane yet, he will kind of like Have to then because unlike with ted there won't be any rationalization like "well we're Just Friends so maybe she's right and i really shouldn't be prioritizing him so much". like tbh i didn't hate the beardjane endgame as much as it seems most people did because i could kind of See It that they were headed in a better direction/jane was shown to have the potential and interest to become a healthier partner. BUT. to be honest i don't think she would ever not be at least a little possessive, and beard having a full fledged Life Partner other than her would be a dealbreaker for her, and i also kind of think that it would be something she would backslide on, so best case scenario they would have to have a mutual breakup where beard lays out that having to change his dynamic with nate is a dealbreaker for him + that having this type of dynamic is part of who he is and jane lays out that not being able to have complete, fully-enclosed romantic/emotional monogamy is a dealbreaker for her + that's part of who she is, and they would unfortunately have to use all the recovery and mutual self-improvement they did to come to the conclusion that they ultimately aren't compatible and need to get a divorce.

and beardnate probably wouldn't have had like an official sit down and talk about it and lay out what our dynamic actually is and what we want it to be Defining The Relationship conversation yet then, but after having the dtr as over talk with jane beard would probably once again firmly but kindly (via an extensively rehearsed script) tell himself sometimes we have to do things we don't like and would set up a Meeting with nate to do it. and probably neither of them would use the "right" vocabulary to describe and define what they are, but they would map out the parameters and turn it into something that they're doing with intent.

jade, unlike jane, would've the whole time been like well you guys are deeply fucking weird about each other but it doesn't affect me at all and i like it when my boyfriend who i love is happy so whatever man. and then after nate sat her down to their own Talk and explained actually yeah babe we are this very particular type of weird about each other and we have explicitly agreed to start being that weird on purpose and, like, commitment - and he wouldn't at any point think she'd breakup with him but like you can't help but be nervous anyway, you know - she'd be like. okay well i guess you're weirder about each other than i thought but actually that's kind of cool and regardless it still doesn't affect me and i like it when you're happy so. whatever man.

and actually, it turns out it does affect jade but only in good ways, because she doesn't really want to ever get Real Married and she doesn't want kids, but with beard in the picture nate can have a little ceremony with both or neither of them depending on whatever his own preference is, jade and nate can do a non-legal common law type of thing, and beard and nate can do a civil union type of thing if they want to (or maybe by that point in The Future, the uk will recognize multi-partner and concurrent marriages, and then natejade can do a legally recognized common law marriage and beardnate can fully get married, or you know we can just pretend it's already like that since it's fiction and there also was no covid and club academy kids board and etc, anything is possible), and nate can co-parent beardjane's kids + can be legally declared godparent/the next next-of-kin after beard and jane (jane would be a liiiittle bothered by this too but not nearly as much as having to share her husband, not enough to actually take issue with it).

the post is so much longer and went so many more places than i intended it to, so now once again i don't know how to end it. here. here is the post. thank you.

[manettheeternalelir]

A Practical Guide to Evil

So I've sat with it for most of the day, and while I think I'll be ruminating on it for much longer than that, here are my thoughts.

Obviously, spoilers.

First, Akua Sahelian. Even going in knowing that she was going to get a redemption arc, I was thinking that maybe I misremembered the name, that it was another character that was going to be redeemed. Especially after the demon at Marchford and of course the Doom of Liesse. I will admit to literally squealing when Catherine broke her fucking bones after 1st Liesse. As the story went on, I began to forgive and forget, and to be honest by the middle of Vol. 7 I was like get over it and kiss her, Cat. I guess I just never felt that bad about the Doom after the Everdark, despite the narrative's insistence on reminding me of it. Maybe that's good writing, that I liked Akua so much, maybe not, idk I'm just a little guy.

Hakram was a great character, with a perfect pivot from in Cat's shadow to becoming a man of his own. He was the button that EE could press to ignore all of the logistical issues when the army got big, so that was kind of annoying, but whatever.

Indrani. Around the time that she and Cat finally fucked I was screaming in my head for them to fuck, so that feels right. Really liked her characterization towards the end with the other Refuge refugees, especially the line where Concocter tells her it didn't have to always be a fight. Good shit.

Vivienne was hit or miss for me, she was her own character, but never really felt that important to me, despite obvious narrative importance. Never the same level of emotional connection to me.

Masego, my darling beloved. My sweet perfect boy. My autistic wizard son. I love him. There may be flaws in his character, maybe, but I will never see them. He is the platonic ideal of a wizard to me.

And then Catherine. She went though so many forms of anime magic. Guide truly cemented itself as a shonen to me, just by virtue of never quite knowing what she could actually do. Her characterizations were relatively constant, enough to ground her as a character anyway, but the way that she always had a hidden plan did get a little annoying. It wasn't quite Sherlock Holmes level unrevealed scheming, but there were definitely moments where I groaned out of annoyance, namely when she was take prisoner in Wolof. I'm probably overstating how much wasn't foreshadowed, and I'd guess that for a lot of people the excitement of guessing "how would Cat get out of this one" was fun, but by the end I was rolling my eyes half the time.

Overall I loved it, and I'm definitely going to reread it at some point. It will provide inspiration for my dnd campaign for years to come, and I will be shamelessly stealing characters forever. Kairos Theodosian was incredible, and probably my second favorite character.

My single biggest critique was that there were stretches of like 5 or 6 interludes in a row, which inevitably lead to me saying "Cordelia FUCKING Hasenbach" under my breath

[emerald-truth]

Yesterday I watched Data's Day and it made me cry and I need to talk about it.

First of all I love that it was lowkey a slice of life episode? Like Data is just describing his normal day and some crazy stuff happens as usual on the Enterprise but it's also just like. The crew hanging out. I especially love his conversation with Worf about what wedding present to buy because it's just so normal? Everyday? And just seeing his casual friendships with everyone? And they all love each other? I love the whole tng crew so much.

Anyway, what made me really emotional was how much I related to Data as an autistic person and I know people talk about this all the time but I'M GONNA TALK ABOUT IT AGAIN FOR MYSELF.

Right in the beginning of the episode he talks about how he used to have trouble maintaining friendships but now that he's become better at predicting other people's emotions he's become able to form friendships. And just. The whole ordeal of having to take years and years to LEARN TO MAKE FRIENDS when it seems to come so naturally to everyone else, when it seems like something that should just be easy. Yeah. But then also the absolute joy when you succeed! When you think ah yes I've finally learned to understand others enough, to do the correct analyses, to make the correct predictions, I can finally make friends! And Data is so pleased with himself just like I have been the past couple years. And the thing is! He makes mistakes still in predicting emotions! But his friends forgive him and help him understand! And it's just so??? Oh my god the happiness that comes with being accepted despite your flaws, despite who you are and what you can't change about yourself. With being reminded that you still deserve friendship and a special place in people's lives even when you make mistakes. Because even though he upsets Keiko by trying to change her mind about the wedding she forgives him and still lets him act as "the father of the bride" because she still loves him! Everyone does! Because he's so sincere! Oh my god I love Data so much-

But the thing that made me cry was one little moment when they suddenly redirect their course towards the neutral zone and Data says it's a good thing his duties can't be interrupted by emotions such as the uneasiness he might feel about such a change to the course. While clearly exhibiting signs of being nervous like tapping his fingers and glancing behind himself at the drivers. And this is something about my experience of autism that I hardly ever see in fiction. Not only do I have trouble understanding the feelings of others, I have trouble identifying MY OWN FEELINGS. I have low body awareness so instead of feeling emotions in my body I have to engage with them intellectually which means I often can't tell that I'm experiencing an emotion even when people around me can. I saw another post a month or so ago talking about how Data probably has similar troubles because his emotions don't manifest physically the way they do for humans. And just. I've spent so long feeling like and being accused of being an unemotional person because I don't feel my emotions the way other people do, so to see this implication that Data DOES have emotions even when he himself doesn't always notice them is so lovely. Just because he or I don't always feel emotions physically, and must understand them intellectually, doesn't mean we are uncaring. It just means so much to see a character who thinks of himself as emotionless be portrayed as so gentle, kind, and loved.

And then the end of the episode- Data says he believes humanity is not an inherent quality but a way of thinking and something he can achieve. And that's so reassuring. Even if I'm not human now, maybe someday I will be. And even if I'm not human, even if I'm never human, I can still be good, I can still feel, I can still make friends, I can still be like Data.

[my-castles-crumbling]

hey cas,

i was wondering if i could ask for some advice about a friend of mine. so i have this friend, and their mental health isn't great. often they really struggle to sleep at night, and a bunch of other stuff. and there are so many reasons for that but one of the main recurring ones is that they always feel "second best". they say it a lot and it's kinda become an all-consuming thought for them. they even say that i treat them that way when to me they're my whole world. (afterwards, they apologise and say they don't actually think that but i'm scared they do.)

anyway this has been a problem for a while now and i'm starting to worry that while this happens far too often irl that it's actually happening in their head too. like they're assuming the worst, jumping to conclusions, thinking that everyone hates them just cos they hate themself. i guess in a way it's a coping mechanism, to assume the worst to avoid hoping and getting hurt. but i'm scared it's really detrimental to their mental health as well.

in a way, i guess, they feel a bit paranoid but i don't know how to raise that with them without seeming accusatory and also i don't actually know how often this happens. i've never known it to happen at all, never seen it. and i'm a lil autistic so maybe that's just me not picking up on social cues, but idk. but when they talk to me about it they're always so vague, they avoid saying who or giving away any details. they always say they don't want me to hate the people who have done it, cos apparently it's friends as well as foes.

so i can't really judge the situation, cos idk how severe it is or anything y'know? i'm just really worried about them and idk what to do about it, how to talk to them or even if i should at all.

i want to help them, but i don't want to seem judgemental or pushy and they rarely talk about this kind of thing until they're having a panic attack or smth and i don't want to make things worse at that point. i don't want to bring things up or reopen wounds but at the same time i don't think that they'll bring it up themself cos they always think of themself as a burden and struggle to reach out.

thank you for listening yours, smol anon

Hi!

I think you first need to remember that odds are, nothing you did is triggering these thoughts. A lot of times when someone feels like this, it's their own mental spirals that cause it. So you can help in three ways:

Next time they have a panic moment, tell them that they are welcome to come to you for reassurance about your affection for them ANYTIME. And then, most importantly, when they do, do NOT get annoyed. Show you are a safe space.

Even if it's scary, be affectionate. Remind them you care with words, hugs, whatever. Anything to help fight those voices in their head saying you don't care.

Encourage them to get some help. This seems like a bigger issue, something that you can't just fix. Next time you're talking about it, gently ask if they've ever considered talking to someone about it. Tell them you care, and you dont want them to feel this way about themselves. Phrase it as concern, not judgement, and see how they react.

Sending love!

[dontmixpaintinyourcoffee]

Oh my god Dandies in Danger just hit me in the heart again- and no I'm not gonna stop posting about it because the audience is so small and I want to take a megaphone and just scream out to the entire world about how good this is-

There's a scene in Episode 14 of Arc 4 that I just finished that genuinely made me emotional in a very personal way. It's a scene between Liam and Adrian, who have been friends for a long time, where Liam apologizes to Adrian for taking him on a 5 hour shopping spree. Now, Liam is a very kindhearted, enthusiastic, social butterfly type, who was very excited to go get some nice clothes and even more excited to hang out with Adrian. Adrian is a very moody poet who (I don't know if this is intended, but still) comes off as probably being autistic. He's very blunt, he's hyper-aware of how other people are perceiving him and his actions, he tends to directly describe his feelings when he pushes himself to be vulnerable with his friends, he's prone to sensory overwhelm, and ect. Some of these traits probably overlap with his clear depression and anxiety as well. He likes Liam a lot, he's definitely his best friend, and he chooses to go shopping because he wants to go hang out with Liam. But the streets are very busy and loud and there are a lot of people, and by the end of the outing he's utterly exhausted. Unfortunately they end up getting swept into an adventure the same day, which involves so much socializing and dancing and investigating and it's a lot.

In the middle of this adventure, Liam and Adrian find some time alone, and Liam stops to check in on him. And he says that he's sorry for not considering Adrian's feelings during the shopping trip. He got caught up in the excitement of it and forgot that this is very overwhelming for Adrian, and he wanted to make sure Adrian knew that it wasn't on purpose and that he didn't want it to happen again. And Adrian says

"It's fine. I know most people can do this every day of the week. Well- maybe not the- the adventure thing- but-"

"I understand. But perhaps next time, if you do want to go with me again on a shopping trip, we spread it out a bit."

And like. Y'all. I damn near teared up. I'm a person with an incredibly low social bandwidth. I have very few friends that I keep very close. And this reminded me so much of how of my own friends have reacted to me when I expressed my own struggles. Or more accurately in some cases, when they noticed the struggles I was failing to express. Especially when I was worried that they would be offended or put off by those things. Things like a friend guiding me by the hand in a crowd because I was so overwhelmed by it all that I was literally shaking and could barely move. Or a friend readily accepting my rejection of a hug and instead thinking up a silly handshake we could do with our jacket sleeves on the spot so that I would feel included without being uncomfortable. And just- jesus christ. It's one of the single nicest feelings I've ever had, and it was deeply cathartic to see that kind of relationship in this show. These characters have become very important to me in such a short amount of time, and I really think that's a testament to the ability of their players. So, thank you Dandies Team. You made me feel very seen :)

[theresaghostinmyhome]

Simon “Ghost” Riley general headcanons

• Authors note: First post on this blog WOOO let's GO DUDEEEE ☾ • Warnings: none, just ghoth ☾ ☆ Not as “strong silent type” as one might imagine. He’s kind of a loudass, no? At least around the people he’s comfortable with. I think people resign him to that trope because he might not say as much as the rest of 141, but he’s definitely borderline yelling even in casual conversations. I blame the protective headphones. Plus dude’s from Manchester, tell me again he’s silent, go on! ☆ Autistic. Totally, entirely, Autistic. You see them stares? 👁️👁️ Headass. I see it in so many of his behaviors. Plus the military grade protective headphones would be a blessing to someone with sensory issues. Also the mask! He needs it to feel comfortable in my opinion. And I have a personal headcanon that his inspiration behind the skull mask wasn’t as scary as people make it out to be…simply put: Pokemon. Duskull. Tell me young Simon wasn’t trying to get comfortable away from home enlisting into the military and making a mask inspired by one of his special interests? ☆ Sleeps like he’s in prison. Very light sleeper, even when he’s home. The sound of the wind blowing outside a little too loudly can cause those heavy, tired eyes to open and check what time it is, for the eighth time in the night. I do believe if he’s with someone though, it becomes a little easier, more so with someone he trusts with his life. ☆ Nightmares. On the topic of sleep, Simon gets really bad nightmares. I think he has bouts where he doesn’t dream at all due to how little he’s actually sleeping and dozing in and out frequently, and other times it’s filled with flashes of the past whether from home or on the field. ☆ If Simon gets too many nightmares in one night, he’ll just decide to stay awake until the sun comes up or take over-watch to let someone else more capable of rest get some shuteye. ☆ Simon likes gaming and anime. Might own one or two figurines at home posted up in his nice gamer PC with red and black RGB lights. He and Roach like to keep up with the latest figurines in the stuff they like, even if they aren’t buying them. ☆ Speaking of gaming, dude’s nutty at FPS games. He’s got the whole sniper trope down in his own military career…but it’s the same exact way in games too. Can wipe a whole team clean and leave whoever is on his team screaming “LET'S FUCKING GOOOOOOOO”. Hurts his ears. ☆ Simon and Johnny play games together sometimes, but Johnny is a bit of a knob when it comes to games. Think dudebro taste buds, Fortnite, FIFA, any games similar to CoD. Simon bears it though, mostly with Fortnite, the skins are worth it to him. Simon rags on him for playing on console. ☆ As untrustworthy Simon is, he prefers people to make his tea for him. I think something about it comforts him, probably reminds him of his mother. Whenever he’s home it’s some of the highlights of his time off when he gets to visit his brother and mum to have tea and catch up. ☆ I believe Simon makes his own masks, and his needlework isn’t anything to scoff at. To close off these headcanons I’ll share a wholesome thought I think to be true. Whenever 141 has a piece of equipment or clothing that they need to patch up, he’ll do it for them. Sometimes without them even knowing. He doesn’t need his friends complaining about the cold because of one tiny hole in their tactical hoodie. *Autistic staring at Soap*

[ivanttakethis]

Blinks my kitty eyes at you

Can we expand on the Flor and Tov siblingism.... It's so interesting to me in all honesty.

Because like- considering their personalities, it's such a clash and I've never ever thought of them as like. Sisters inna way. I mean- I might've subconsciously thought of them as such, inna way. With how Flor likes to play with the silver clasps that Tov has in her hair (and how admittedly and very apparent she becomes so autistic (she's heavily autistic coded!!!) about the sound. It's so nice to her..), and how that sometimes reminds me of my own dynamic with my irl siblings.

But then you tossed in the fact that Tov saw her as a little sister and then I've never been able to stop thinking of it . It's been consuming me .

Tovflor/flortov (maybe their dynamic name could be smth like. Spaceship. I don't knowwww)...... Guhguguhhhuhhguuhgguhh

Most definitely!

This will be pretty long so I’ll put it below the cut!!

So, when Tov meets new people and builds a relationship with them, she feels conflicted or unsure if she can consider them friends until a certain point where something “pops”.

Like, something needs to click in Tov’s brain for her to realize “oh, this person is my friend” or “oh, this person is like a sibling to me”. And it takes a while for her to have these realizations. But, her actions tend to reveal these things to her faster than her brain does.

With Flor, it started with Tov standing near her. In Tov’s brain, she thought this was solely because they’re similar in height. But really, Tov already felt somewhat comfortable around Flor early on. Then that grew into feeling comfortable reading each other’s writing and letting Flor play with her hair clips.

I don’t know if I’ve mentioned this before, but Tov is neurodivergent! She has some sensory issues and doesn’t like being touched much, but she finds that people she’s close to, like Flor, don’t trigger such a bad reaction. So she’s fine with it.

I think Tov wouldn’t come to the realization that Flor is like a little sister to her until later in their time in Anakt. She realizes that Nyx is like a brother to her earlier because she sees how Castor interacts with him and compares that to how she interacts with Nyx.

Tov and Nyx pick on each other and bicker and debate all the time, so that’s her initial frame of reference for what a sibling is. But her relationship with Flor is different. Tov has a much more gentle approach (although she doesn’t really consider herself gentle). They spend time together doing activities and generally being kind to one another. It doesn’t fit Tov’s idea of a sibling at first.

She would probably realize Flor is like a sister to her when graduation and Alien Stage get closer. Tov knows what Alien Stage is about. She understands that most of them will die. But she still wants to shield Flor from that grim reality. She doesn’t want her to lose the goodness that she has. It’s the urge to protect Flor that prompts her to realize Flor is another sibling.

It’s also why she disassociated after Flor was killed in Round 12. If she acknowledged the grief she felt, she would also have to acknowledge that she couldn’t protect Flor and the good that she represented. It would’ve been too much for her to handle at the time.

For a dynamic name, my brain keeps going to “Florov”, but that also sounds like a toothpaste so I’m not sure lol