#it just wasn't something i personally should have involved myself with

[ant-diary]

I think I have maybe decided to tell someone I no longer want to be friends with them, but I'm wondering if I should give it a few more days before I commit to it

[shadesofmauve]

I want to step away from the art-vs-artist side of the Gaiman issue for a bit, and talk about, well, the rest of it. Because those emotions you're feeling would be the same without the art; the art just adds another layer.

Source: I worked with a guy who turned out to be heavily involved in an international, multi-state sex-slavery/trafficking ring.

He was really nice.

Yeah.

It hits like a dumptruck of shit. You don't feel stable in your world anymore. How could someone you interacted with, liked, also be a truly horrible person? How could your judgement be that bad? How can real people, not stylized cartoon bogeymen, be actually doing this shit?

You have to sit with the fact that you couldn't, or probably couldn't, have known. You should have no guilt as part of this horror — but guilt is almost certainly part of that mess you're feeling, because our brains do this associative thing, and somehow "I liked [the version of] the guy [that I knew]", or his creations, becomes "I made a horrible mistake and should feel guilty."

You didn't, loves, you didn't.

We're human, and we can only go by the information we have. And the information we have is only the smallest glimpse into someone else's life.

I didn't work closely with the guy I knew at work, but we chatted. He wasn't just nice; he was one of the only people outside my tiny department who seemed genuinely nice in a workplace that was rapidly becoming incredibly toxic. He loaned me a bike trainer. Occasionally he'd see me at the bus stop and give me a lift home.

Yup. I was a young woman in my twenties and rode in this guy's car. More than once.

When I tell this story that part usually makes people gasp. "You must feel so scared about what could have happened to you!" "You're so lucky nothing happened!"

No, that's not how it worked. I was never in danger. This guy targeted Korean women with little-to-no English who were coerced and powerless. A white, fluent, US citizen coworker wasn't a potential victim. I got to be a person, not prey.

Y'know that little warning bell that goes off, when you're around someone who might be a danger to you? That animal sense that says "Something is off here, watch out"?

Yeah, that doesn't ping if the preferred prey isn't around.

That's what rattled me the most about this. I liked to think of myself as willing to stand up for people with less power than me. I worked with Japanese exchange students in college and put myself bodily between them and creeps, and I sure as hell got that little alarm when some asian-schoolgirl fetishist schmoozed on them. But we were all there.

I had to learn that the alarm won't go off when the hunter isn't hunting. That it's not the solid indicator I might've thought it was. That sometimes this is what the privilege of not being prey does; it completely masks your ability to detect the horrors that are going on.

A lot of people point out that 'people like that' have amazing charisma and ability to lie and manipulate, and that's true. Anyone who's gotten away with this shit for decades is going to be way smoother than the pathetic little hangers-on I dealt with in university. But it's not just that. I seriously, deeply believe that he saw me as a person, and he did not extend personhood to his victims. We didn't have a fake coworker relationship. We had a real one. And just like I don't know the ins-and-outs of most of my coworkers lives, I had no idea that what he did on his down time was perpetrate horrors.

I know this is getting off the topic, but it's so very important. Especially as a message to cis guys: please understand that you won't recognize a creep the way you might think you will. If you're not the preferred prey, the hind-brain alarm won't go off. You have to listen to victims, not your gut feeling that the person seems perfectly nice and normal. It doesn't mean there's never a false accusation, but face the fact that it's usually real, and you don't have enough information to say otherwise.

So, yeah. It fucking sucks. Writing about this twists my insides into tense knots, and it was almost a decade ago. I was never in danger. No one I knew was hurt!

Just countless, powerless women, horrifically abused by someone who was nice to me.

You don't trust your own judgement quite the same way, after. And as utterly shitty as it is, as twisted up and unstead-in-the-world as I felt the day I found out — I don't actually think that's a bad thing.

I think we all need to question our own judgement. It makes us better people.

I don't see villains around every corner just because I knew one, once. But I do own the fact that I can't know, really know, about anyone except those closest to me. They have their own full lives. They'll go from the pinnacles of kindness to the depths of depravity — and I won't know.

It's not a failing. It's just being human. Something to remember before you slap labels on people, before you condemn them or idolize them. Think about how much you can't know, and how flawed our judgement always is.

Grieve for victims, and the feeling of betrayal. But maybe let yourself off the hook, and be a bit slower to skewer others on it.

[dilfosaur]

well i haven't spilled my guts on tumblr since i was in college but it's the platform that's felt The Most Mine thru the years, so

let's talk!

i've had a huge chip on my shoulder that i wanted off before the year ends. very bad professional experience to follow

so firstly to get ahead of the speculating, i'm not naming names or anything. some of you will puzzle out who i'm talking about, but please don't bother anyone especially not on my behalf. i've worked hard to distance myself from them the past few months. shit happens, especially when you're a dumb bitch (that's me!)

but also this person was someone i considered a close friend and it makes me uneasy to possibly direct backlash at them. "then why post about it" bc i did intermittent work for them for over a year. this is just about that. so hear me out

basically it started off fine. i initially did some commission work for good pay, then was invited to become more involved with their team. unfortunately as i became more involved with their operation it became more disorganized over time. projects started then forgotten, constantly shifting schedules, lapsing communication between roles, confusing financials, and often inconsistent if not late payments. during mid 2023 i was doing colorist work, sometimes on a one day turnaround (all while also preparing drawfee's summer merch launch). the payroll wasn't set up correctly so i wasn't paid for that work for over a year (more on that later), tho to be fair that was largely my own fault at first as i just didnt realize the payments didn't go thru lol

i always consider myself decently capable of separating friendship and coworker-ship; i run a company with 4 wonderful friends, going strong for almost 5 years. that didn't really work out in this case. by early this year our friendship was on the rocks; work issues fed into personal issues and vice versa. so as the rest of this shit plays out, we had just had our first "big fight" which i felt very bad about and added to all the upcoming tension

a huge point of friction was the fact that i really wanted to work with them to make a music video for one of their songs. i've always wanted a chance to make a music video, was confident in a concept i came up with, and even did some concept art for the idea. everyone insisted they loved the concept and that we should do it, but we kept pushing it back for various reasons. it ended up becoming a huge sticking point for my frustrations, which i tried to express productively. TLDR, we eventually got around to discussing it seriously around april.

i planned to ask for $4000 with negotiable add-on for the whole project, which was my Friend Discount price. i was offered a contract for $1000 flat rate, as they insisted that was the only budget they had for it.

don't ask me why i signed it lol. i didn't even counter offer

there was some girlmath to it: i wanted an extra 1k for a student scholarship i provide every spring and well, there it was. but if i had to guess, i saw it as something i just couldn't back down from any more. i caused these folks- my friends- a lot of problems bc i dug my heels in so deep to chase this project, so fuck it we ball

i had about 4 months to solo a 3 minute music video. they wanted it done in august so they could release it before summer ended, bc "it was a summer song". to be fair i was asked if i needed them to pay for anything extra like assistants (which i would have to find and manage) but i was so immediately overwhelmed that i didn't wanna slow down to wait on that process lol. there was very minimal communication other than brief progress check-ins every few weeks. i did everything for that project myself: the original concept, character designs, storyboards, layouts, backgrounds. i even did the editing/compositing for the final cut of the MV. the only favor i did myself was limiting the amount of it that was actually animated to simple loops and motions. hardly my best work but it was work still done

i did it all in between my full time job. i ended up having to take nearly a month away from most of my drawfee duties (with the support of the others) to make the august deadline. i only ever asked for a 3 day extension (notice given about a week in advance, around the same time i was given the final song file lol). i finished the music video at 6am on the final deadline and recorded drawfee the next day on 2 hours of sleep

but it was done, coolies. the team was very happy with the final product. honestly, without getting into it, those were a very emotionally taxing 4 months. on the professional side, i regretted agreeing to the project and especially for the dogshit rate they offered. i felt like a hypocrite- as someone who always wanted to advocate for younger artists demanding their worth in a world that's getting increasingly hostile toward creatives, i failed myself

so when i met with the manager to discuss the release plan, i told them to do whatever worked best for them as i only had one request: i wanted my credit removed from the project

tbh... like... lmao this dramatic bitch right!! but really, i decided that bad practices only breed worse business. friends or not, it was unprofessional of me to accept such a low paying job so i just didn't want my name used in association. everything felt so muddled to me and i was just really tired at this point

the manager was very understanding and then offered that i could be paid more. they said that their team "was surprised" i accepted their low rate and they would be happy to up the amount. this confused me as the initial budget seemed pretty set and at no point between april and august was i offered a better rate. i knew these guys weren't made of money. so, i declined. i didn't want to put anyone out of their means over work that was already done and agreed upon. but more importantly, i was over the whole thing and didn't want to prolong the project with a contract renegotiation. i just insisted my name be removed

they decided to use a pseudonym (which i was fine with) so they could create a story about a character who made the MV (this sounds really convoluted but i don't know how better to put it without getting specific, sorry). that way if people asked about the credit, they could speak comfortably about it without signaling that something went wrong behind the scenes. ok, kind of a silly narrative imo but whatevs. and maybe this is where i finally went truly wrong but. yolo i guess

i gave the name "D. Smithee", D as in dilfosaur and Smithee as in Alan Smithee. look it up for fun film trivia ig! was it passive aggressive of me to reference that in this context? yeah, honestly. but i thought it was kinda funny and really not that deep. if it was a problem, i have other real, non-cheeky pseudonyms i regularly use. the manager accepted it and all i had to do was wait for them to post the video and i could leave the whole experience behind me

a week later i received a message from the manager that my pseudonym had been denied by the rest of the team bc one of them got the reference. fair enough lol. however, they decided that rather than ask for a different name, the were going to make one up for me that they liked and would "fit the [story]", without asking me

and that! is when i finally snapped!

i was so tired of giving them concessions at this point and having a credit made up for me without any input from me felt genuinely violating and unethical. i started to Panic bc of how stressed i was, and asked for my overdue payments (aka the $500 still owed on the MV, and the colorist rate from a year prior that was never paid even tho i reported it in january) to be scheduled ASAP as i was leaving the work discord immediately

i finally told them off for exploiting me throughout the months while i kept trying to just be nice and finish my contact cleanly. in return i was told that it was unfair to say that as i agreed to everything- i accepted their cheap rate and denied further payment so that was all settled, and it was ok to change my credit without my consent bc i "said they could do whatever with the release". i called bullshit, ended the convo as kindly as i could, and cried lol. they agreed to ditch the pseudonym and just give no credit. that night was the last i heard from anyone on that team

and the real kicker?

august came and went. then september, october... and they never released the music video

and i don't know why, because i was never contacted about it. i've been removed from the picture entirely i guess. 4 months and boatloads of stress. just. up in smoke. i don't know what i expected honestly

it's hard to not take everything that happened personally and as done in bad faith. i really do, honestly. i've had plenty of shitty deals in my almost 10 year art career, but it hits different from people you saw as friends. but to the point of "why not keep it private", i have never felt so disrespected as a professional as i did this past year. i can toy with money and credits and other formalities all i want, but my work- my ideas, my labor, my effort- is still so important to me. i felt like the biggest idiot for doing so much work, pouring so much of myself into a piece for someone's use, for what has amounted to nothing

but more importantly i hated myself for undervaluing my work, even if initially i thought this person was a trusted friend. money is not really an issue for me- drawfee is my main job and i am fine and comfortable. it's so important to pay artists appropriately but i often undersell my own work bc i value the collaboration and passion between creatives more than the reward. i think a lot of artists tend to feel the same, and it often makes us easy to take advantage of. it's so difficult to find the balance between passion and making a fair living, and i think there's some shame within ourselves when artists choose to prioritize that passion

i wanted to finally get all this off my chest bc i was ashamed of every choice i made. things like this happen all the time i'm sure and hiding these mistakes only make it easier for it to happen to other people

tldr always value your work and protect your passion from people who just see it as a product. and don't give cheeky pseudonyms i guess lol

(and again pls don't bother anyone involved about this. a lot of chaos has left my life as i moved past all this, and this is me closing a door without opening new ones hopefully lol)

this shit was truly

so ass.

but i'm moving past it now

but on a nicer note. outside of all of this nonsense, i made lots of good memories this year. i'm truly so grateful to the many wonderful people in my life who keep me going even when i fuck up big time!

and thank you to all of you strangers who, despite everything, give me the time of day. especially if you read this whole thing. you're a real one :')

happy new year!

[nostalgicmiscellaneous]

This fandom created a myth about Lady Whistledown. Sometimes i wonder if i watched the same show. Let me make myself clear: While Penelope has to tell Colin the truth, because she loves him and he deserves it, LW helped the Bridgertons a lot actually. It saved them to have Daphne married to a creep ( and see how Violet wanted people to talk to reach LW and spread), saved Colin from a loveless marriage with children that he didn't know anything about it and saved Eloise. Yes, it saved Eloise. Eloise created and kept pushing the situation in her reckless pursuit. Eloise also didn't think about the consequences of her action towards the people working for LW, didn't listen to Penelope, didn't think about the risk she was putting people at. And while i understand her anger in not knowing, had she been a better friend, many other things would be different, because she truly never paid attention to what Penelope feels or want, she molded Pen to be whom she wanted and be her audience. And then, she left Pen with the choice of losing all she built and suffer consequences or pick the less harmful option: to make Eloise's scandal about politics, not romantic and save them both, plus Theo. The real ruin for Eloise would've been her being caught with Theo, something that was bound to happen as she was not careful at all. Why should Pen sacrifice all for Eloise? Would any of you sacrifice all ( job, family and possibly your liberty) for a friend who caused the bloody situation? I'm no hypocrite, i know i wouldnt. Not to mention Eloise bravado, to Pen she would say she wants to challenge society and doesn't care about what they think...but folded the moment she received a frown from the Ton. Shall we see who are LW victims, people that suffered real consequences? Lord Beerbrock. That's it. Marina is married, despite her lies and deceit. Colin? Nothing as well, in fact, happier than ever. Eloise? A few weeks of ostracism and she's back without a problem, without a romantic entanglement to ruin her. One that she clearly didn't really thought was deep enough to face society. The Bridgertons have more to thank LW than to hate her. And Violet and Anthony, i bet your asses, do think so, and see it. And The Queen? Are you watching the show? Have you seen Charlotte's personality? That woman loves the whole game with LW. And She loves to take it all, to receive the laurels of that society. As long as she can make it look like the won, and she can, easily, by revealing or be involved in revealing who is LW. See the whole KatexEdwina, how she handled the Ton there.

Anyway, just wanted to say something because some people have dreamed a LW that doesn't exist at all. Created on their own minds a boogeyman that wasn't simply reporting the truth with witty opinions but fabricating stories and lies to ruin lives, and that's simply not true. Never happened. There was never a lie created there. Only the truth, even about herself, as Pen was often damaged by her column.

[acutecoral]

Transcript for Quackity's recent stream

[Quackity start talking around 1:03 in, but before he speaks you can hear him breathe and sniffle a little]

Quackity: Hello everyone, uh…uh, I'm just waiting for enough people to get here. This is a very important stream. So I'm just going to wait a little bit.

Quackity: Um…[sharp intake of breath] Hello! I hope everyone is having a good night. I'm doing an urgent stream. Only to keep everyone updated on everything that's happening.

Quackity: I wanna apologise for this scuffed stream. I'm not on any of my set-ups right now, I wasn't expecting to stream right now so I don't even have a camera. But I wanna to let everyone know, that I've been out and I'm catching up on a lot of matters right now…

Quackity: Including a statement, that was just now, made without my approval.

Quackity: I've been notified, about an ongoing situation regarding Quackity Studios and I want to address it. Please bear with me as I'm barely catching up on a lot of these matters.

[He sniffles again]

Quackity: One gathering is that volunteers for Quackity Studios: are not being paid and are being given too many hours of activities.

Quackity: I wanna let everyone know that I was aware of a voluntary position, and I was under the assumption that there was a process volunteers would go through, to integrate themselves to the team with a fully paying job. What I was not aware of, is to what extent and conditions were being required from the volunteers.

Quackity: And I wanna thank everyone who brought this to my attention, because it is very clear to me that I need a much deeper involvement in the administrative part of my team. Something I have not been very involved with recently.

Quackity: I'm gonna perform a deep investigation, personally, on this matter as to see exactly what's happening. But one thing is very clear to me.

Quackity: There are going to be very drastic changes in QSMP moving forward. From the administrative perspective, and from the creative perspective as well.

Quackity: My responsibility relies on knowing what is happening in the project I am running. And for not being more involved? I want to deeply apologise. This should have never happened, and I am extremely disappointed.

Quackity: From here on out, I wanna make one thing clear: Everybody involved in Quackity Studios will be paid. And if at any point my own funds are not sufficient enough to pay workers or maintain the project? Then the QSMP cannot continue and it will close down. That's how committed I am to this project.

Quackity: So I wanted to make that extremely, extremely clear as to where I stand on this.

[Quackity in the next line sounds choked up]

Quackity: And this…n-next topic is very difficult for me to process, and it's an extremely sensitive thing, and I was waiting for the correct time for me but…that can wait, no longer. And I need to let everyone know that Wilbur is no longer a part of the QSMP.

Quackity: Lastly, I wanna thank everyone for their patience. This…year…has been very turbulent…for me. And I'm going to be very open; it's been one of the saddest years of my life.

Quackity: I'm trying to move forward and give everyone the best version of myself, and I'm very, very sorry if I've disappointed you.

Quackity: But…nonetheless, I gotta keep moving forward and I'm gonna keep working hard and I'm going to do what's right. And I wanna make this very clear.

Quackity: So thank you everyone. And um, yeah, I hope everyone has a good night. Thank you.

[the-orange-solace]

When I was a child, I watched an episode of Criminal Minds where a man had a split personality. A woman who killed other women who threatened the man she formed to protect. I remember her sitting in the dark on a couch, a cigarette in hand beside a lamp, as she spoke to an Agent about why she had to kill them, that it was to protect him. It was her entire purpose for existing.

As a child, I used to pace empty halls in the middle of the night and lay in bed, repeating in my mind that I would be the only being in my body. I will not break into multiple people. I will be in control. I have to be because, at the time, I believed I could break into those monstrous plurals you see on TV. The ones that killed their family after years of neglect, abuse, and wrongdoing. The ones you should be afraid of ever becoming, no matter who you are or your situation.

So I became terrified.

And yet, nearly every night, I'd look up at the sky or the ceiling and beg for something to change—to not be alone. I was stuck pretending I was a different character, a type of escapism that sometimes got out of hand, lost in an identity that wasn't my own. Looking up and imagining being taken away, every character I adored was by my side, caring for me in return. I had to keep going, be them, and exist in a world with them.

I'd made up stories, different realities, and places in my mind to escape to, as well as explanations for things my underdeveloped brain couldn't comprehend in the place I found myself within. I clung to concepts, characters, and situations that reflected my own, and soon, I no longer felt alone—not with all the escapism I conjured up, not with the different identities to help me face what was happening.

But I was in control. I was one being. No matter what. I had to be a single being because that was good. I had to be good.

I would never hurt anyone, and being many meant being bad. I couldn't be bad.

When I was a teenager, I started researching and getting involved in minority and disabled spaces. I loved being informed, the stories, the many perspectives, and the complexity of humanity. So it was no surprise when I shared a plural headcanon with a friend, and they felt safe coming out to me. They were many. They took my hand and guided me through a community I was fascinated with and wanted to aid and represent like so many others.

I spent years learning, staying silent as others spoke, just listening to everything I could. But then, one day, like so many others, I spoke through a different facet, a different identity I had created as a child. The many faces of me represented things I could not be, I could not hold, nor could I handle. I was struggling; some of me wanted to lash out. So she did. She lashed out.

As always, I was faced with kindness, listening ears, and aid that then pushed me more to the surface from drowning. But I never left; just another part of me was lost, right? Of course. People are complex. I deal with my emotions in a complex way. Of course.

My plurally disabled friend watched as I became more comfortable speaking through the identities I had, whether they were facets of myself or characters that helped me. Soon enough, the continuous "role-play" and "emotional processing" developed into normal conversation, a comfort, a relief.

They kindly approached me and asked if I was a system, too. They had never met anyone who spoke to themselves like I do, definitely not any singlets. None of our other friends did, in person or not, not even people in our families. It was just us.

The fear from my childhood arose. I couldn't be multiple; I couldn't be more than one. It was bad. But hadn't I learned about Plurality? All its ups and downs? Its complexities and nuances? I accepted it wholeheartedly; I learned and evolved from the demonized perception I was given as a child. So, why was it still bad?

Because I must be lying; I must be a fake, a poser. It was the only reason, wasn't it? I had seen so many conversations and arguments about fakes, those who wished to be special. Had I somehow become the harm they spoke of? How could I do this to a community I swore to listen to and fight for?

I obsessed over it, forcing the panic, dissociation, habit, and ease of speaking in multiple identities and beings of myself away. I buried it as deep as I could for the betterment of everyone else. The community didn't deserve such harm, and I wouldn't bring it to their doorstep if I claimed it to be something I'm not.

The loathing became so present it formed into tics that caused aches and disruptions in my life. Multiple stressors--along with an identity crisis--will do that to someone. So my shoulder and neck muscles ached from shrugging, flexing, and all the repetitive movements I couldn't stop without crying from the suppression. So I didn't. I let it disrupt and hurt.

Then, one day, someone, some random, unknown system to me out in the world, spoke about how it didn't matter what was real or not; it didn't hurt anyone. Plurality and the belief of it didn't hurt anyone. It hurt no one to discover themselves, to test the waters, to simply pry into yourself and learn. There was no shame in figuring yourself, or yourselves, out. There was no right or wrong, nothing to be ashamed of or fearful of. Just another part of living.

So I did. I poked and prodded. I gave my parts names, spoke to them in the middle of the night, asked questions, got to know them, and learned we couldn't talk through words at first but could emotions and sensations. I realized I couldn't find where my Plurality started or where it ended, that we—oh god, we—the idea was so surreal but...comforting—were so combined, living without specific individuality outside of me that there was no separation in sight. Not that I could figure out. For so long, I believed everything was just me. Only me.

But now it was someone else, too. These things that made no sense, these things that felt out of place or special, unique, and ever-changing could be someone else.

Someone else.

The more I reflected, learned, applied, and prodded, the more things made sense. Until one day, I looked at my friends, held my breath, and spoke. Stated that it like it was a sin for me of all people to say.

I was plural.

No one blinked an eye. No one questioned it outside of boundaries and clarification. It wasn't surprising that their childhood friend was many. How surprising could it be when they used so many different names for different parts of themselves to express hard things?

It was astonishing.

And here we are, years and years later, grown and still learning, living, fighting, but more in touch with ourselves than ever before with so many more sys friends and aquatints. More experiences, a better understanding.

It's not shameful to learn, apply, and reflect. You take nothing from anyone but your time and open-minded exploration of the world and yourself(ves). There is no evil in being human, living life, phase or not. There is nothing wrong with you, any of you, for existing or living. You just are. I embrace you, I embrace us, and I embrace everything that comes with a life of many.

So, if you're struggling, just know you're not alone outside the body. We know, and so do many others. It's going to be okay; you'll find yourself in time. Don't rush it. There will always be time.

[writer-ace]

Some ways that difficulty with change / attachment to routine impacts me, an autistic person, that aren't keeping a strict daily or weekly routine:

Difficulty with changes to established plans. This happened at work recently, where I was working on something following certain parameters, and someone came in and said that we should follow different parameters. My immediate reaction was that it wasn't what we had agreed to and it wasn't doable in the time we had, we couldn't make it good, etc. It felt like a betrayal of the plan and a bait and switch for me. But I processed it, I talked it through with my manager, we found a compromise, and ultimately that person had been right.

Difficulty with changes to expected processes. If I'm expecting a process to go a certain way, even if I haven't been told that it will go that way, a change to that process will throw me off and sometimes set me off. If I'm expecting that we're driving somewhere and it turns out we're walking, I will get agitated even if I don't mind walking there.

Difficulty with unexpected additional people being at something. A few years ago, I was heading to my parents' place for some holiday, and when my mom picked me up from the train station she told me that we were having a family friend over and she would be staying in the guest room that night. I found this very stressful, even though I like the person and her being there was a minimal disruption to anything else, simply because I hadn't planned for the change in dynamic involved in her being there.

Dislike of decisions made without me there. I think that this isn't an autistic thing necessarily, but I have a much harder time when someone shows up and says we're doing x than when I am involved in the conversation, even if x is the ultimate decision in the end. Knowing why we're doing something and feeling like I have some control over it helps me work through it.

Not every autistic person is the same, and what does or doesn't bother me has no real bearing on what does or doesn't bother other autistic people. One of the key things to note here, though, is that in basically all of these cases the issue is not that I dislike the change being made, it's that I struggle with the fact that a change is being made.

If these do bother you, one of the things that's helped me a lot is to force myself to go through the mental exercise of whether the issue is that I dislike/disagree with the change or whether my issue is just the fact that it's changing. Do I have a reason to want it to stay the same beyond the fact that I dislike change?

And sometimes the answer is yes. In the case of the first work example, there were suggestions that I fundamentally disagreed with and thought that our original plan was better, whether because of content or because of required level of effort in the time we had. But there were a lot of suggestions that I realized were right and doable. I could only distinguish those two because I forced myself to parse them out.

Sometimes you won't be able to work through this, whether because you don't have time or it's beyond your emotional regulation at that moment. That's okay! But figuring out why you're reacting can really help.

[ohisms]

↪ 𝐹𝐼𝐿𝐿𝑂𝑅𝑌 ⅋ 𝐅𝐔𝐑𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐑 . ( a collection of sentence starters from season one of syfy's the magicians . adjust phrasing as necessary . this prompt will be updated as time goes on . )

it's always something with you , isn't it ? it's always an emergency .

look , this is your responsibility .

wow , nice trick . i'm sure you're a hit at parties .

so ... you think you're ready .

i called you . all weekend . where were you ?

okay , we have got to pull you together .

you can't run away hard enough , can you ?

i know where you were all weekend .

life is raw , everybody medicates .

i love you . call me , okay ?

am i hallucinating ?

come on , or you'll miss it .

can i start over ? please .

i'm going to make sure you don't remember a thing .

playing with time is such difficult magic .

don't bother trying to compare yourself .

it's good to be aware the world is blatantly unfair .

it's my fault that they said that .

if you think my family is some sort of advantage , you've been misinformed .

maybe i wouldn't let myself forget .

that was before i knew there was something else .

it's really okay if this is not your thing .

you're hurting yourself , & you're not okay .

i just needed to see if i was right .

we've been watching you for quite a while now .

hello ? do you need help ?

you feel right because you're starting towards your destiny .

for some reason , you're involved . so be involved .

look , hold that thought , okay ?

i'm obviously coming with you .

there's no such thing as safe magic .

what is this place exactly , besides a health hazard ?

you ask a lot of questions .

jesus , you didn't tell me you were dangerous .

it's a little bit bigger than messing up .

there's a bad story every few years around here .

can you just help me live with myself ?

i'm gonna tell you something deep & dark & personal now .

i'm trying to tell you , you are not alone here .

i don't know . i wanna be your friend , i guess .

you should hate me right now .

the last thing i wanted to do growing up was read fantasy .

let's just say life wasn't exactly non-stop fun growing up .

if you're guilty , i'm guilty .

come do something stupid with me before you go .

okay , you know what ? i'm not interested in your personal issues .

this isn't just some lark to me , just so you know .

i mean seriously , what do they expect , you know ?

look , you can't run away from you .

there's nothing i can do in this moment to stop the comet from crashing into the earth , is there ?

i keep trying to tell myself that this is somehow better .

you don't see color & want to go back to black & white .

you can't help , & i can't help you .

what the hell was that , you maniac ?

why would you ever trust anyone ?

i'm willing to teach the right people what i know . & i know a lot .

you're lucky i can fix this .

hey , have you heard of karma ? sometimes it's instant .

i'm generous with you , considering .

get me everything on this list . this week .

why even ask , if you'll just forget it again ?

that's not a real answer .

you're a much better liar than i expected you to be .

do you think you have a destiny ?

there is no destiny . no born heroes .

you can either step up to it or not , that's up to you .

this is your problem , that you should solve !

[andy-15-07]

Hello! Can you make a Paul Mescal story where Y/N is a famous actress and singer, she was dating a friend of Paul's and their breakup wasn't very friendly, so she and Paul didn't get along very well. They're making a movie together (it could be Gladiator II where she's the sister of the emperors) and they're going to be a romantic couple throughout the movie. It's practically an enemies to lovers (an +18…🫦)

Set on Fire

PAIRING:Paul Mescal x reader

WORD COUNT: 2119 | requests are open (send requests, I will gladly answer them all)

Paul Mescal Masterlist

The roaring heat of the Moroccan desert felt like a furnace, the sun glaring down mercilessly on the film set. Y/N adjusted her tunic, cursing the sweat trickling down her back. It was day four of filming Gladiator II, and things were already tense. Not because of the epic stunts, the heavy costumes, or the sweltering heat—but because of Paul Mescal.

Paul Mescal, the golden boy of the film industry, the one everyone adored, except her.

���Y/N, ready for blocking?” the assistant director called.

She nodded, plastering on her professional face. The cameras were about to roll, and she couldn’t afford to let her personal feelings show.

Paul was leaning against one of the makeshift pillars on set, his leather armor glinting in the sun. He looked every bit the part of a grizzled gladiator, with his tousled hair and piercing eyes. Y/N hated to admit it, but he looked good—too good.

“Try not to trip over your lines this time,” he said, smirking as she walked past.

Her eyes narrowed. “Try not to get winded during the fight scene, old man.”

Paul chuckled, the sound low and infuriatingly attractive. “Touché.”

The tension between them wasn’t just about ego. It went deeper, stemming from her past relationship with James, one of Paul’s close friends. Their breakup had been public, messy, and filled with more drama than she cared to relive. Paul had made it clear whose side he was on, and they hadn’t exactly been cordial since.

“You two have so much chemistry!” the director gushed during a break. “It’s electric! Keep it up!”

If only he knew.

Later, after a grueling scene where their characters confessed their forbidden love, Y/N stormed off the set, fuming. Paul followed her, his boots crunching on the gravel.

“What the hell was that?” he demanded, grabbing her arm.

She wrenched it free. “What are you talking about?”

“You didn’t lean into the kiss.”

“Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t realize you wanted me to throw myself at you.”

Paul’s jaw clenched. “It’s called acting, Y/N. Maybe try it sometime.”

“Don’t lecture me about acting, Mescal. You’re not exactly Daniel Day-Lewis.”

Paul stepped closer, his voice dropping. “You know what your problem is? You can’t separate real life from the script. That kiss—it’s not about you and me. It’s about the characters.”

Her heart pounded as he loomed over her, his blue eyes blazing. “Maybe you should stop pretending you’re above it all, Paul. You’re just as involved in this as I am.”

Their animosity hit its peak during a late-night rehearsal. Alone in the empty studio, they ran lines for a heated argument scene.

“You think you’re better than me?” her character shouted.

“I don’t think it—I know it,” Paul shot back, his voice dripping with disdain.

The energy between them was raw, almost too real. As the argument escalated, their voices echoed in the cavernous space.

Suddenly, Paul grabbed her by the shoulders, pulling her close. “Do you hate me, Y/N? Or is it something else?”

Her breath hitched, her scripted lines forgotten. “What are you doing?”

He smirked, his voice a whisper. “Getting into character.”

Before she could respond, he kissed her. It wasn’t gentle or rehearsed—it was fiery, filled with the frustration and tension that had been building between them for weeks.

When they pulled apart, both were breathless.

“That wasn’t in the script,” she muttered.

Paul grinned. “Improvisation.”

The air in the empty studio was thick with the aftermath of their kiss. Y/N stared at him, her breath catching in her throat. Paul, his eyes still dark and intense, reached out and gently brushed a stray strand of hair from her face.

"I... I don't know what that was," she stammered, her voice barely a whisper.

He chuckled, a low, rumbling sound. "Me neither."

He leaned in, his lips brushing against hers. "But I want to know more."

Y/N felt a shiver crawl down her spine. She closed her eyes, surrendering to the moment. He tasted of whiskey and regret, but also of something raw and undeniable. He tasted of hope.

He pulled back slightly, his gaze searching hers. "Come to my room later," he whispered, his voice husky. "I want to see you again."

Y/N nodded, unable to speak.

Later that night, she found herself standing outside his hotel room door, her heart pounding a frantic rhythm against her ribs. She took a deep breath, then knocked softly.

The door swung open, revealing Paul in a pair of jeans and a t-shirt, his hair tousled. He smiled, a slow, seductive smile that sent a jolt of excitement through her.

"Come in," he said, stepping aside to let her in.

The room was dimly lit, the only light coming from the city lights outside. He pulled her inside and closed the door behind him.

"You came," he said, his voice a low murmur.

She nodded, unable to speak.

He reached out, his fingers tracing the line of her jaw. "You're beautiful," he whispered, his gaze sweeping over her.

Y/N felt a flutter of nerves, a mixture of excitement and apprehension. She smiled, a shy, uncertain smile. "You're not so bad yourself."

He moved towards her, his steps slow and deliberate. He knelt in front of her, his eyes locked with hers. "Let me show you how beautiful you are."

He reached out, his fingers tracing the line of her jaw, then moving down her neck, leaving a trail of goosebumps in their wake. Y/N closed her eyes, surrendering to the moment.

He leaned in, his breath warm against her lips. She parted her lips, and he tasted her, a slow, tentative exploration that quickly turned into a passionate kiss. His hands moved to her waist, pulling her closer, and the kiss deepened, their tongues dueling for dominance.

Y/N broke the kiss, panting slightly. "Paul..."

He looked up at her, his eyes dark and intense. "Let me," he whispered, his voice a low growl.

He began to unbutton her shirt, his fingers fumbling slightly with the unfamiliar buttons. Y/N giggled, helping him. He finally managed to free her from the confines of the fabric, revealing the delicate lace of her bra.

He traced the lace with his fingers, his touch sending shivers down her spine. "You're breathtaking," he murmured, his gaze lingering on the swell of her breasts.

He leaned forward, his lips brushing against her skin, sending a jolt of pleasure through her. He gently cupped her breast in his hand, his thumb circling her nipple, eliciting a soft moan from her lips.

Y/N reached down, her fingers tracing the contours of his chest, feeling the rapid beat of his heart against her palm. She moved lower, her hands exploring his broad shoulders, his toned abdomen, finally resting on the waistband of his jeans.

He watched her movements, his breath catching in his throat. He reached down and unbuttoned his jeans, his fingers fumbling with the clasp.

Y/N, emboldened, took over, her fingers deftly undoing his belt and unzipping his jeans. She slid them down, revealing him in all his glory. He was even more impressive than she had imagined, long and thick, throbbing with anticipation.

She reached out, her fingers tracing the length of him, feeling the warmth of his skin. He gasped, his eyes widening.

"Y/N," he groaned, his voice rough with pleasure. "You have no idea what you're doing to me."

She leaned down, her lips brushing against the sensitive head of his penis, eliciting a low groan from him. She circled him with her tongue, tasting him, exploring him.

He gripped the sheets, his body trembling with anticipation. She moved lower, taking him deeper into her mouth, savoring the taste of him, the feel of him filling her mouth.

He arched his back, his head thrown back, a series of low moans escaping his lips. He reached down, his hands gripping her hair, pulling her closer.

Y/N continued to pleasure him, her movements slow and deliberate at first, then increasing in speed and intensity. He felt a wave of pleasure wash over him, his body trembling with the force of it.

He cried out, his hands tightening on her hair, his body arching off the bed. He felt a release, a surge of pleasure that left him weak and breathless.

He collapsed on top of her, his chest heaving, his heart pounding. Y/N held him close, stroking his hair.

"That was..." she began, her voice husky.

"Incredible," he finished for her, his voice a low growl.

He kissed her forehead, his lips lingering. "I want more."

Y/N smiled, a lazy, contented smile. "I think I do too."

He rolled off her, his eyes still filled with a lingering afterglow. He reached for her, pulling her close. "Come here," he whispered.

She moved beneath him, her body fitting perfectly against his. He lowered himself onto her, the initial touch tentative, then deepening with a groan.

Y/N arched into him, her nails digging into his shoulders. The sheets rustled, the air thick with the scent of their arousal.

He moved with a slow, deliberate rhythm, his hands exploring her body, eliciting soft moans from her lips. He found the sweet spot on her neck, nipping and sucking at her skin, leaving a trail of goosebumps in his wake.

Y/N reached down, her fingers finding the sensitive skin beneath his waistband, circling him gently. He gasped, his grip tightening on her hips.

"Y/N," he groaned, his voice rough with pleasure. "You're incredible."

She leaned up, kissing him deeply, her tongue tangling with his. He responded with a ferocity that matched her own, his hands moving lower, exploring the hidden depths of her body.

Y/N felt a shiver crawl down her spine as his fingers found the most intimate parts of her. She arched into him, her body trembling, a low moan escaping her lips. Paul's eyes, dark and intense, met hers, and she saw the raw desire mirrored in their depths.

He moved inside her, slow and deliberate at first, then with increasing urgency. Y/N cried out, her body arching against him, the pleasure building to an unbearable crescendo. She felt him inside her, every muscle tightening, every nerve igniting.

The world seemed to fade away, replaced by the sensation of his body moving within her. It was a primal, overwhelming experience, a release of all the pent-up tension and unspoken desires.

Paul followed soon after, his body trembling above hers as he erupted inside her. They lay spent, their bodies slick with sweat, their breaths ragged. Paul held her close, burying his face in her hair.

"That was..." she began, her voice husky.

"Incredible," he finished for her, his voice a low growl.

He kissed her forehead, his lips lingering. "I want more."

Y/N smiled, a lazy, contented smile. "I think I do too."

And as their bodies began to stir again, they knew this was just the beginning of a passionate, unforgettable affair. This time, it wasn't just about physical pleasure; it was about emotional connection, about exploring the depths of their intimacy and discovering the true meaning of passion.

They continued to make love throughout the night, their bodies moving in a rhythmic dance, their passion building to fever pitch. They explored each other's bodies, their hands and mouths a whirlwind of sensations.

In the morning, they woke to the gentle rays of the rising sun, still entwined in each other's arms. They lay in comfortable silence, the aftermath of their passion a warm, comforting glow.

Paul leaned down, his lips brushing against her hair. "Good morning," he whispered, his voice husky with sleep.

Y/N smiled, snuggling closer to him. "Good morning."

They spent the rest of the morning in bed, lazily talking and laughing, their bodies still tingling with the afterglow of their lovemaking.

As they lay there, Y/N knew that this was just the beginning of something special. The tension that had simmered between them for so long had finally been released, replaced by a deep, passionate connection.

She looked at Paul, his face peaceful in sleep, and a wave of happiness washed over her. She had never felt this way before, so completely and utterly connected to another person.

She knew that their relationship wouldn't be easy. They still had to overcome the lingering effects of her past and the initial animosity between them. But she also knew that they were strong enough to face whatever challenges came their way.

As she drifted back to sleep, she held onto the feeling of Paul's arms around her, the warmth of his body against hers. She knew that this was just the beginning of their story, a story filled with passion, adventure, and love.

[anaargent]

THE BOY IS MINE

Five hargreeves X reader

The reader is Five's long-time partner, tired of waiting for his return, she decide to investigate his whereabouts. (seriously thinking about writing something for our daddy Diego)

- That's enough – I jump off the decaying sofa at Luther's house – you guys stay here and look for Viktor, I'll go after five and lila. - Wasn't the plan for everyone to stay together until they got back here? - Allison murmurs boredly - No, no, we spread out and everyone looks in a different place, right? -Klaus chimes in, only hearing half of the dialogue as he plays with the shiny Christmas tree in front of him.

-Meanwhile, we should standing there admiring Luther's windows? - I gesture with my hands - Hey! They are Victorian models! - Luther exclaims offended, holding the new frames.

-Sorry Luther, they are beautiful honey, they just need some adjustments in the rest of the house – I turn to the giant man in front of him with a loving smile – plan B, I will find them and let them know that the holidays are coming, Let me know when someone find the other two. I wave to everyone already leaving the room, hearing some protests about "following the original plan and Luther questioning Allison if the new frames were good"

.

.

Just like your sister Lila, I had the ability to copy powers. It came in handy when the last person you touched was Five, on a rare occasion he let you fix his messy hair, a lame excuse to be affectionate with the grumpy old man. Despite trying, a laugh escapes my lips, remembering the boy's shocked expression at the kind gesture.

-I'll find them - I mutter more to myself as I get off at yet another station on the strange subway, writing down in the small diary in my pocket, a gift from Five, a bit tacky but very useful in the current situation - a stain that looks like a state - I mumble looking at the ceiling - wires ripped out, someone came by here - trying not to create expectations and hopes too high to be crushed after all the frustrations of not finding five and lila, I swallow dry and walk towards the exit.

A beautiful uninhabited field waited outside the station, it looked unkempt, even deserted. Ready to cross off another stop on the agenda, I suddenly stop when I see movement in the distance, it was him. With a more tired and ragged appearance, but it was my five. With longer hair than usual, an old backpack on his shoulder, I couldn't believe I had finally found him.

I take a step away from the hiding place, raising my hand with a huge smile on my lips, relief flooding my body, finally being able to relax after months of searching.

You took too long outside - Lila appeared, involving Five with a smile. That was good, they finally got along and became friends - I miss u - so she kisses him.

My feet were planted on the ground, gravity holding me in that place, in slow motion as I watched my sister, the person I trust most, kiss five, the person I loved most. My hand fell to my side, finally returning to the moment to step back into the darkness, watching as Five tenderly returned the affection and led her inside the small green house.

.

When it finally got dark I left the forest, heading towards the house, I did a space jump and was in the kitchen of the place. everything was very tidy, a small strawberry garden, candles, books. Were the bastards having a teenage romance? I stop myself, taking a deep breath - follow the plan y/n, follow the damn plan.

That was the initial idea, but then here you were, on top of Five's limp and unconscious body, ready to attack him. You probably forgot, amid the bitterness of betrayal, that Five also worked for the commission. Then he was wide awake, as far as possible, his beautiful eyes alarmed and his hands holding his.

Y/N? Is that really you? - he asked dazedly, his eyes still cloudy with sleep, his voice hoarse and low. Unable to bear his puppy eyes, I start to swing in an attempt to get out of his grip, throwing punches in all directions with unbridled rage. - Are you with my sister? - you scream, still punching your stomach, your vision blurred by the tears that threatened to fall.

what? babe, no - five finally manages to stop his attack, breathing hard - let me explain - he starts sitting with you on his lap - explain to me that you are fucking my sister? that she is married to your brother? -his voice sounded bitter and defensive-all that talk about taking it easy was nonsense-you try to get rid of him to leave.

-it's been seven years - five starts with a broken voice, his eyes searching yours in search of something - I thought I would never go again see you y/n - he pauses, looking for words - I don't deserve your forgiveness, but please don't go, hate me, hit me. But don't disappear again darling, I was going crazy, all of us.

-you betrayed me five - your voice sounded more broken than you wanted him to see, how everything affected you more than you would like to admit - I know my love, I don't deserve you, but you are all I have, all I want. Lila and I were torn apart, we spent years looking for a way to get back together, it ruined us. It was survival, a way to not go crazy here alone.

You closed your eyes tightly, taking a deep breath to process everything. Five and Lila lived here for seven years, and somehow created a relationship, you still felt betrayed, the memory of how the two of you were together earlier haunting you like a ghost,his arms wrapped around her, like he did with you. Then you look at Five, his clear eyes chasing you like a sun, they looked so sad and melancholic, waiting for salvation.

You smile sadly, raising your hand to his long hair, carefully combing the unruly strands. Five closes his eyes, visibly relaxing under your touch - I dreamed every night that you were here - he comments in a low voice, unsure - that you found me and then you left again, as if you had never come, then I woke up and you not here.

-im here - you speak softly, not wanting to break the fragile moment you shared, your eyes dropped to your lips, jealousy consuming you every moment. Then five placed his hand on his face, with devotion and fear, fear that everything was just another lived and cruel dream, her lips just touched his, they were dry and trembling. It was a soft kiss, afraid that a sudden movement would break it. Your hands traveled to his shoulders as a warm bubble enveloped them.Then the memory of the kiss between him and Lila appeared in your mind, taking the best of you. Your hands became rough for a moment, pulling Five's hair with more force than necessary, a kind of punishment for his actions,the poor boy could do nothing but accept the harsh treatment with a slight grunt escaping his lips .

-let's go home my dear, there we will remind you who you belong to.

[uceyliyahh]

Summary: You are just a distraction to me nothing more.

smut warning; it’ll come in the story randomly so PLEASE, PLEASE look out for it I’m not really good at writing ✍🏽 smuts but I’m improving at the moment.

warning contains: attempted suicide, toxic

word count: 3,857

Jey Uso x Remiyah

AWFUL GRAMMAR IM GETTING BETTER I SWEAR LOL.

comments, likes, repost are appreciated I would love the constructive feedback in what area I need to approve in. 🤍

ALSO! I don’t not want nobody stealing my fanfics or take it as theirs that will be an issue fasho so keep it cute respectfully.

I only own my OC along with the make up scenarios

this will be a four-to-five-part series hope y'all will like it trying something new. 💁🏽‍♀️

TAGS ⬇️ lmk if you wanna be tag 🏷️@pinkwithhearts @420days @jstarr86 @empressdede @angiedawn02 @biancasreign

@bebesobrielo @skyesthebomb @aikosilo @papireigns-05 @punksyeet @paigereeder @magnificentbouquetmusic @yana3sworld

@hunnidmilly @celesteheartsjey @charmed-dreamssss @fearlesschimera @partypoison00 @mselenalovebug @bloodlinesbabe93 @luvrsluxe @4milly @xbriexx @trippinsorrows @yyaktayak

DISTRACTION

Ø2

REMIYAH

It's been a couple of weeks since I last spoke to Jey. After going through his phone and seeing the messages exchanged with Jaida, I found it hard to shake off the thoughts. However, I realized that I need to redirect my focus towards my career and let go of something that was never meant to be.

He would often reach out, checking in to see if everything was alright or questioning why my texts had slowed down. I couldn't quite grasp why he was so concerned, especially since he was involved with someone else. I was seated in the catering area, enjoying my meal and scrolling through social media when I suddenly heard someone clear their throat. When I looked up, I was surprised to see it was Jimmy.

I offered him a subtle smile before saying, “Hey there, Big Jim! What’s going on?” as I set my phone down on the table.

Jimmy glanced over and asked, “Is this seat taken?” I quickly shook my head. “Nope, feel free to sit,” I replied. He settled in beside me, diving into his meal as I returned to my own tasks.

Jimmy truly felt like a big brother to me. He was always there to offer advice, even on matters I hadn’t considered before. I found myself unsure about whether to share my feelings regarding the situation between me and his brother.

While browsing my social media, I stumbled upon a story posted by Jey that piqued my curiosity. However, once I clicked on it, I immediately wished I hadn't. There he was, in his locker room, with Jaida—wasn't she supposed to be in NXT? A wave of emotion hit me, and I felt tears welling up as I set my phone aside, desperately trying to regain my composure. This didn’t go unnoticed by Jimmy, who quickly picked up on my distress.

"Are you alright, Miyah?" Jimmy inquired, noticing my gaze on him. I nodded in response, hoping to avoid drawing attention to the situation.

I stood up from my seat, my plate in hand, a weight settling in my chest as I realized that I should have stayed out of his affairs. It puzzled me why his story had such an impact on me, especially since I meant nothing to him. To him, I was merely a fleeting encounter, someone he could use and then move on from to pursue someone he truly desired.

I tossed my plate aside, barely registering Jimmy's calls. I needed solitude after that moment; I had never felt so utterly foolish for a man who clearly didn’t want me. As I made my way to the locker room, lost in my thoughts, I unexpectedly collided with someone.

As I glanced up, I realized it was Jaida, wearing that infuriating smirk that screamed ownership—he's mine, and he has no interest in you. I was left speechless, unsure of how to respond, until she finally broke the silence.

“You must be Remiyah right? The same person who thinks that she could be with my man? Tuh girl please,” Jaida spat as she brushed past me leaving me dumbfounded.

I reached my breaking point and chose to avoid returning to the locker room. Instead, I made my way to the garage where my car was parked, opting to stay there until it was time for my interviews.

I found myself in the car, tears streaming down my face, overwhelmed by a profound sense of loneliness. It felt utterly foolish to be in this position, unsure of how to navigate the situation. Running away wasn’t an option, but I certainly had the power to ignore him and keep my distance.

He might say what I want to hear if we ever discuss this, but ultimately, he'll just rush back to her, cozying up to her instead. I wish he would be that close to me, but I doubt I'll see that happen anytime soon.

As I wiped away my tears, a sudden knock on the window startled me. When I looked up, I saw Jimmy, his expression filled with concern. I let out a heavy sigh, contemplating whether I truly wanted to open up to him. After all, he would likely just defend his brother, as family tends to do.

As I unlocked the car, he slid into the passenger seat beside me, his worried expression immediately catching my attention. "I’m fine, Jim, I promise," I reassured him, crossing my arms to emphasize my sincerity.

As I unlocked the car, he slid into the passenger seat beside me, his worried expression immediately catching my attention. "I’m fine, Jim, I promise," I reassured him, crossing my arms to emphasize my sincerity.

"Miyah," he exclaimed, locking his gaze with mine. "I can see it in your eyes; something's bothering you. You wouldn't just walk away like that. What's happening?" I let out a heavy sigh, tilting my head back as I struggled to hold back the tears.

“Am I not good enough Jimmy?” I asked him which took him by surprise. “What do you mean? You’re good enough Miyah,”

"It seems that wasn't sufficient for your clueless brother," I mutter just loud enough for Jimmy to catch on. I hadn't gone into specifics about what was unfolding between me and his brother initially because it didn't seem important, but now it appears to have piqued his interest.

Jimmy let out a heavy sigh. "You both really need to have a conversation. Miyah, just express how you feel." But what good would that do? He’s with Jaida, and it would only lead to more embarrassment for me. What a brilliant idea…

Jimmy, there's really no reason to pursue that when he doesn't share the same feelings. I’d rather avoid the embarrassment that would come from it. I glanced at my phone and realized I needed to head back inside for the interview segment soon.

It’s possible that finding closure could help you both move on, but the real issue is that I struggle to distance myself from him. His sweet words and romantic gestures pull me in, only for me to feel foolish later. I sighed and turned to the mirror, determined to touch up my makeup and mask the tears I had just shed.

“That’s the issue Jim, I can’t leave him alone. He got me so fucking attached to him it’s killing me honestly makes me not want to show to work,” I vented to him.

As soon as he opened his mouth to speak, a sudden knock on the car window interrupted us. Both of us turned our heads, and to my dismay, there stood Jey—the last person I wanted to see.

As I rolled my eyes at him, Jimmy and I stepped out of the car together. I could see the frustration and confusion etched on his face, clearly questioning why Jimmy was with me. He glanced at his brother, silently indicating that he wanted to have a private conversation with me.

As Jimmy turned to leave, he wished me “good luck.” I responded with a slight smile as he disappeared back into the building. Now, it was just Jey and me, standing face to face in a heavy silence.

Before I could say something he cut me off, “the fuck is yo’ problem Miyah?” Here we go again with the blame game, which really gets under my skin. I rolled my eyes at him, crossing my arms defiantly.

“My fucking problem? My problem is you Jey that’s what the fuck is the problem,” I said.

He arched an eyebrow at me, crossing his arms over his chest in a mirror of my own stance. “Me? I’m the issue here?” Seriously, do I need to say it again? I’m not trying to sound like a stuck record.

I nudged him softly, making him lose his balance just a little.

“Yeah! Nigga you’re the fucking problem! Playing in my damn face like I’m so fucking doll!” I shouted at him feeling all of this pain and hurt inside of me.

Jey taught me a crucial lesson during our secret encounters: never raise your voice at him. Doing so doesn’t just provoke him; it fuels his desires. With his intense sex drive, he once gripped my throat, asserting dominance in a way that left me breathless. In that moment, I knew I was completely at his mercy.

“Lower your fucking tone when you speaking to me Remiyah,” he said in a raspy tone that sent waves down my spine.

“Fuck you Jey, I fucking hate you so much. treating me like shit….i fucking hate you…” I could feel myself crumbling in his presence, a sight he didn’t need to witness since he was indifferent to my struggles.

His expression clearly softened when he noticed the tears welling in my eyes, but that didn’t change the way he was treating me. If he truly didn’t want me, he could have simply walked away, and we could have avoided all of this heartache.

I tried to hold them together but my tears began to fall onto my cheeks, “I hate you, I fucking hate you!” I shouted pushing him and hitting his chest.

His grip on my throat tightened as he pinned me onto my car looking into my eyes deeply I could see the fire burning through his eyes. “Don’t fucking push it Miyah because you finna piss me off,” I scoffed at him was he fucking serious?

“What are we then Jey? Huh? I’m just some fuck buddy while you have yo’ bitch bullying me huh?” I forcefully pushed him away, spitting in the process as I yanked his hand from my throat. I was indifferent to whether I angered or frustrated him; I just had to express what was weighing on me.

“Remiyah I told you what it was when we start doing this and now yo’ ass caught feelings for me knowing I don’t want anything serious,” Jey said.

Damn that hurt like a bitch

Tears streamed down my face, smudging my makeup as I hastily wiped them away, shaking my head in frustration. "If I mean nothing to you, then let's just end this. I'm exhausted—mentally drained, to be honest. You and Jaida look so happy together, and maybe that's why you don't want anything serious with me. It's hard to ignore that," I said, my voice trembling as I noticed the shift in his expression.

I realized he was trying to control me into staying with him, but that was never going to work. I had reached my limit; I simply couldn’t endure this situation any longer.

He remained silent as I let out a frustrated sigh and walked by him. Suddenly, he seized me by the throat, pressing his lips against mine. I struggled to push him away, but his strength overpowered me. He intertwined his fingers with mine, intensifying the kiss that bound us together.

I would call myself a fool for falling for this.

His tongue danced within my mouth as he flung open the car door, pushing me into the back seat and slamming the door behind us. In an instant, his lips crashed against mine, and I instinctively wrapped my arms around his neck.

This was the control he had over me.

“Take this fucking shit off,” His voice had a richer, deeper quality than usual that completely captivated me.

I was in a missionary position with my legs bend towards my sides while he was drilling my shit in while I was trying to escape from this but he wasn’t haven’t it today, I had my eyes rolling in the back of my head touching on his tatted chest something that turned me on.

Jey was pounding me into the damn seat all of this pumped up anger that he had build up all because of me but did I give me a damn? No I didn’t even care how angry he was right now after all of the shit he had put me through—throughout this whole entire thing between us.

I was done with this and I was done with him.

“I fucking hate you,” I spat at him as he chuckled at me.

“You don’t hate me baby, you love me that’s why you actin’ like this but it’s okay I’ll fix it all up,” Jey grunted as he wrapped his hand around my throat giving me his deep, mean, strokes causing me to moan loudly.

Every single thrust that he had given me had me seeing stars I didn’t know what to do with myself when it comes to him I didn’t like this toxic dynamic between us, I pushed him by his stomach trying to slow down his movements I couldn’t handle it.

He leaned closer whispering nothing my nasty shit in my ear I began wrapping my arms around his muscular body tugging on his mullet letting my heart getting in the way whispering in his ear back.

Jey pressed his lips against my neck, claiming me as if I were his Luna. The truth was, I wasn’t his; someone else held that title, and it shattered me even more. “Tell me you love me, I need to hear it,” he urged. But how could I confess my feelings to someone who didn’t truly care? It wouldn’t make a difference.

Again my heart got in the way.

“I love you Jey, only you.” I moaned throwing my head into the seat feeling his dick hitting my cervix.

“Oh, fuck. mama you feel so fucking good.” he cooed at me as he continued to circle his hips into my g-spot.

I could feel all of this pressure building up causing me to dig my nails inside of his back while he hissed at the pain but didn’t mind knowing that he’s fucking me good like no other.

I couldn't believe I had allowed him to treat me this way, but love has a way of clouding judgment. Despite my feelings of foolishness, I was deeply in love with him. As he pulled his lips away from my neck, I could see the satisfaction in his eyes, admiring the marks he had left behind.

My walls clenched up against him moaning his name was like music to his ears, apologizing to him like an idiot, telling him that he was the only man that can get me like this something that he wanted to hear from my lips.

Jey thrusted his dick in and out of me deeply had me rolling my eyes in the back of my skull at this fucking point I could see him stealing glances down there watching it going in and out.

“This my pussy right? You won’t act out like that anymore baby?” Jey purred at me as I nodded my head.

But that’s not answer that he wanted out of me thrusting deep making me gasp loudly, “yess! I won’t do that anymore daddy! fuck!” I cried out.

Jey had a smirk on his face, “good, baby. You know your pretty ass ain’t goin’ anywhere,” I had tears coming down my face feeling like I wasn’t gaining any control of this situation like I did earlier.

My mind couldn’t even comprehend anything anymore felt like I needed to be rebooted at the way he was fucking me, his dick was gliding through my g-spot like crazy I felt more and more pressure building up.

I clenched on his dick some more as he placed his lips on mine trying to make me forget about the pleasurable pain that I was having right now, I could feel a knot coming down inside of my stomach signaling that I was about to cum within seconds.

Did that matter to him?

No

I could see that the windows were fogging up along with the car shaking violently due to his mean strokes that he was giving me at the moment feeling sweat dripping down on his body.

He kept thrusting deeper and deeper inside of my wet cunt as my mouth parted into an “o” effect still tongue kissing each other in the process.

"I understand you, mama; my love for you is unwavering, and you alone hold my heart." Yet, his words felt hollow, mere echoes of what I longed to hear. The realization that he didn’t truly mean them deepened the ache in my heart, making it all the more painful to hear those sentiments from him.

Tears streamed down my cheeks as I desperately wished to believe in his love for me. The painful truth is that he never truly cared, and that realization is devastating. “I love you too, daddy fuck. I’m finna cum,” I muttered between the kiss.

I find myself in a vulnerable position, admitting my feelings for a man who seems to only turn to me when things go awry with his other relationship. It pains me to realize that my heart longs for a deeper connection, one where I can be his sole focus and not just a fallback option.

Maybe the dick was too good making me feed into my delusions of being in a serious relationship with him, maybe the way he spoils me rotten had me thinking he’ll love me, I was blind as damn bird to believe any of that.

“Make a mess on me baby, daddy’s gotchu,” that’s all it took was those few words coming from his mouth as I let out a loud moan coating his dick up with my milky cream while my body began to tremble underneath him as he continued to fuck the brains out of me.

“There you go mama, such a good girl for me,” Jey praises me while placing a kiss on my temple.

All you could hear were skins slapping against each other while the air was thickening around us smell like sweat and sex, I couldn’t say anything else letting tears flow down my face while he hid his face in my neck cursing underneath his breath.

His movements were becoming sloppier and slower within every thrust he had given he wanted me to feel him—all of him as a matter fact reminding me that I wasn’t going anywhere knowing that his dick got me feeling this way.

I felt his dick twitching inside of me as the car shook deeply, my mind my foggy at some point during all of this I tried to fought my negative thoughts and feelings on this matter but I couldn’t.

“Oh, shit. I’m finna nut baby girl, let daddy nut all in his pussy,” I didn’t respond to him just let him do it like he always did.

I wrapped my legs around his waist as he drilled into my gushy insides to the max determine to get his nut just like how I did, “Fuckkk, mama fuck,”

Jey thrust into me one last time as his warm seeds began shooting out like a volcano eruption into my walls filling me up good, hearing him letting out a deep groan at the sensation I arched my back letting it sink in for the moment.

He thrust himself into slowly making sure none of it was coming out of me and laid onto my chest hearing breathing up and down.

Jey finally withdrew after what felt like an eternity, leaving me yearning for his presence, a soft whimper escaping my lips at the sudden void. Yet, I was too lost in the moment to care. I could barely move my legs as I watched him slip into his sweats and that playful crop-top tee, his gaze locking onto mine.

I sat up straight, trying to put on my underwear and skirt while also fixing my hair. The car was completely silent; none of us spoke a word. I could sense his gaze on me, but I chose not to meet his eyes.

I reached a moment where I just wanted it all to be over. I realized I held no significance in his life, so what was the purpose of continuing? It felt foolish to think about driving my car off the road and disappearing forever.

I decided to break the uncomfortable silence, saying, “Feel free to head back inside; I’m heading home for the day,” as I made my way to the driver’s seat.

“What bout yo’ interview segment?”

I scoffed why did he care so much about that?

"Please, Jey, just give me some space. I really need to be alone right now. I can't handle any more questions." I'm feeling overwhelmed and hurt, and I just don't know how to process it all. I need this time to myself.

Jey stormed out of my car, slamming the door behind him. I couldn't care less about his attitude; my frustration with him far outweighed any annoyance he felt toward me. I fired up the engine and pulled out of the garage, determined to leave the tension behind.

I was at a loss for where to turn. Returning to my hotel room was not an option; that was the very place he would track me down, attempting to persuade me to continue this friends with benefits arrangement. I simply couldn’t entertain that idea any longer.

I pressed down on the gas, tears streaming down my cheeks as they splattered against the steering wheel. I felt utterly foolish, believing that someone like him could ever love me. After all, Jaida was stunning—light-skinned and curvy, exactly the type he was drawn to.

In every relationship I've had, I always felt inadequate, as if I was never enough. Time and again, I found myself betrayed, with partners choosing others who seemed far superior to me. Now, here I was once more, caught in a familiar cycle. My heart raced, adrenaline coursing through me as I sped down the street, grappling with the weight of it all.

My sight blurred, and I lost track of my direction as I sped through red lights, narrowly avoiding collisions with other cars. In that moment, I felt indifferent to it all; I just wanted to escape this place.

Was this dumb to kill myself over a man?

Yes.

Did I care?

No

I had given up on the idea of finding a man who would truly love me for who I am, flaws and all. I longed for someone who would reassure me that I was enough just as I am. Instead, I found myself lost in thought, driving aimlessly until I crashed my car into a tree, leaving me breathless and defeated.

I could sense the world around me swirling as blood trickled down my face, realizing that I had likely broken my nose in the process.

Maybe a broken rib or two.

The final sound that reached my ears was the blaring of my car alarm, accompanied by the rush of people approaching to check on me. They were urging someone to call for an ambulance, a request I desperately wished to avoid. In that moment, all I wanted was to escape the pain, to be free from this life rather than to continue living.

Never feeling like I could be enough in this world.

Not even for a man like Jey Uso himself.

In that moment, darkness enveloped me, and silence reigned, as I clung to the hope that my wish would be granted. I yearned for the chance to find happiness once more, perhaps in a place beyond the clouds, where joy awaited me.

I hope you’re happy.

A/n: honestly feel bad for Remiyah she doesn’t deserve all of that, hopefully she’ll gets better in the end and Jey is probably going to hear about this.

But I hope yall enjoy this part lmk in the comments below.

STAY UCEY.

1.

[queenbrucewayne]

Second Encounter

A/n: I made a part one to this if people are confused.

The second time you observed Bruce Wayne was at a meeting with some board members.

Boring.

He was supposed to be looking over some movement plans for the company that should have a bit of improvement for next months sales.

All the members on the board were on a phone call, while the only people in the actual conference room in person was a few planners and scheduling people that worked inner office.

Instead of reading papers and signing away documents he had; his head was resting on his palm as he would stare tiredly at the screen in front of him.

You really did have to pay close attention to his body language to see he was sleepy. He was very good at hiding it.

The coffee count would have been the biggest giveaway, however he tends to get his own coffee, so you only accounted for three small cups so far.

As far as his whole body himself, he would rub his eyes every so often, pinching the bridge of his nose for a few seconds and then continue on to what he was doing. The circles under his eyes were also something else you had noticed. You hadn't gotten very close to him until recently, so it never caught your attention before that he had just a little bit of concealer on.

Suddenly one of the board members had called for a lunch break, saying they were going to call back in a hour.

Everyone got up from their seats except for Bruce. Looking back to see he was reading over some of the documents that was faxed over. It didn't look like he was going to make an effort to take a break.

You left the conference room with everyone else and headed straight to one of the break rooms. Opening up the fridge, you reached for the lunch you had brought in, putting it on the counter you started to prepare everything.

Starting some coffee, you got everything ready while you waited for the pour. Extra forks, a couple napkins, and the togo coffee cups and lids.

When everything was ready you made your way back to the conference room, feeling relief to see he was still sitting there.

You opened the door and walked over across from him. His head was still looking down, completely involved in the papers and plans in front of him.

Placing the coffee down right in front of him, he glanced up at it and then looked up at you.

You gave him a small smile, taking a seat across from him, you started to unpack your lunch. "Normally when someone calls for a break, that typically means we step away from the paperwork."

Bruce nodded, taking the coffee he had popped off the lid and took a sip. He sighed happily, leaning back in his office chair he pinched the bridge of his nose again.

"I tend to think the break is more for me to be by myself, then I'm ready to come back and get through this quicker with a decision." Bruce fiddled with the papers in his hand, he didn't look to be hiding his tiredness like he was before. "Thank you for the coffee."

"Your welcome, but it's probably best you stop before you hit five cups. Not trying to kill you." Taking out your lunch, you started to divide it up.

"Don't worry, I'm used to almost over dosing on caffeine." He took another sip of his coffee, watching you mess with your lunch. "What are you doing?"

Placing half the pasta you packed onto another plate, you started to make it a little nice, adding half a garlic stick and the little bit of extra parmesan. "Here, coffee isn't lunch." You said, sliding the plate over to him.

He looked amused. "I'm not going to steal half your lunch Y/n."

"Why not? I wouldn’t have eaten all of it anyways, and you need the energy to make it through this last hour of the meeting." Fixing up your own plate, you hadn't noticed the intense stare he was giving you.

When you finally looked up you saw he hadn't made any effort to move. "It's not poisonous. Here, watch." Picking up some with your fork, you popped it in your mouth.

Bruce laughed, which definitely caught you off guard. "I wasn't thinking it was poisonous. I just find it interesting you noticed I was sleepy. Thought I was covering it well."

You nodded, "You definitely were, I'm sure I'm the only one who noticed. Now eat."

Picking up his fork, Bruce took a bite, “Wow… this is great.”

“Thank you.” Taking a bite yourself, you both just ate in a comfortable silence.

“You didn’t wanna go out to eat with the others?” Bruce spoke up, taking another sip of coffee.

“I have before, but I for the most part eat at my desk… it’s quiet.”

He nodded. “I see, you like to be alone?”

“Sometimes, I like the quiet. It’s kinda hard to get that in Gotham, I take it when I can.”

Watching him try to hold in a small yawn, you almost laughed out loud. “Rough night?”

“Heh, you could say that. I was just up late.” He stretched his arms out.

“Here, I’ll take this.” Reaching over to grab half the stack of papers he was working on, you grabbed a pen and started marking stuff down.

“Y/n… you just told me to take a break, and now you’re doing work.” He smirked, leaned back in his chair.

You looked to his plate, wow he ate really fast. “I can multitask, besides, I got great sleep last night. Unlike you.” Pulling out some more pens, you started to make a little system. Food on the left, pens and papers on the right, one bite of food every other time you wrote something down. Just like at home.

“Y/n…”

“Shh, rest your head. Take a nap, I’ll wake you up before they come back.” Not looking up at him, you continued to do your work.

Bruce was pouting, but nevertheless he did what you said and rested his head on his crossed arms. “Twenty minutes, no longer…”

You smiled, silently cheering to yourself for the small victory.

It seemed to only take a few minutes before he was off to sleep. Damn… what could’ve he been up to last night.

Still working on the papers, you wrote a few more things that definitely needed fixing, glancing over at the clock you saw forty-five minutes had pasted, and Bruce was still asleep.

Knowing he told you to wake him up at twenty minutes you choose to ignore that request once you saw how calm he was.

You leaned forward, resting your head on your hand you took the opportunity to watch him a bit closer.

His eyes were dark, whatever concealer he was wearing today had rubbed off a bit which definitely made his exhaustion more clear at this point. His hair was a little messy. Nothing like how it normally is slicked back with gel. He was exhausted…

This week was definitely hard on everyone, but Bruce especially. He normally had a handle on the deadlines, company events, and any new product launches that were coming up in the month. However, the start of the year got busier then anyone thought, and now the board was on him more then ever to exceed expectations.

You heard he had been staying late at the office, instead of going home to his mansion, he was upstairs in his penthouse. He was probably sick of this place.

A bit of loose hair had fallen in front of his face, you didn’t wanna disturb him, but it was kinda bothering you that it was hanging in front of his face.

Reaching out, you slowly raised your hand towards his face, just about to touch the loose hair-

His eyes snapped open, his hand gripped around your wrist and gripped tightly.

It shocked you, not expecting the sudden change in behavior. He was staring at you wide eyed, almost like he forgot where he was, and then just like that his grip loosened around your wrist, although he didn’t let go.

“I’m sorry,” you were quick to say. “I didn’t mean to startle you, it’s just… you had a loose hair.”

He sighed, using his other hand to rub the bridge of his nose. “No… it’s okay. I just forgot where I was for a moment, I didn’t mean to scare you.”

You weren’t sure if he realized he was doing it, but he started to rub circles on your wrist with his thumb. You didn’t say anything.

“How long was I asleep?”

You checked the time on your laptop, “Only forty-five minutes, everyone should be coming back from lunch soon.”

He nodded, glancing over at the papers you had completed. “You did all that?”

Following his gaze you nodded, “Yeah, there shouldn’t be too much left… if you need to double check it-“

“No, it’s not that, I’m just impressed… you did a lot in a lunch break.”

“It’s not so bad, I’ve done some editing like this at my old job, just the layout is a bit different.”

“Well, thank you… I appreciate it… and the nap.” He smiled at you, not his award winning smile, but a real one, sincere.

You looked away, feeling your face heat up a bit, “Anytime…” You looked back down to your hand, he still was holding your wrist. His grip had loosened, but you would be lying if you said it didn’t feel a bit sensitive after he snatched it. “Mr Wayne?”

“Hmm?”

“Your hand?”

He only now seemed to realize he was still hanging onto you, quickly retreating it back to him and clearly his throat at the awkwardness he created. “I’m sorry.”

You rubbed your wrist to stretch it out a bit, “It’s okay, next time I’ll know to use a super long stick to poke you with.” Teasing lightly, you watch as he cracked a hint of a smile.

“This is a rare circumstance, I’m positive it won’t happen again.”

“Maybe, they have really pushed you hard this week. It’s not like you can do the job of ten people. You need rest too.”

He nodded. “I’ll survive, although I appreciate the concern.”

“Well if you pass out, it makes it hard to get a check.” You gave a cheeky smile.

Bruce laughed, “I see, so you’re only here for the money.” He winked, taking another sip of his coffee.

“You caught me,” you looked at his cup that was already half gone. “Here, I’ll go get a fresh cup, that’s gotta be cold by now.”

Bruce watched you get up before he could protest, you were already standing and walking towards the door. “Try to make up something for when the board calls back.”

“Aye aye.” He called out, rolling back in his chair.

You made it back to the office kitchen, seeing someone had already made a whole new fresh batch of coffee.

Filling up a new cup for him, you decided you could use one yourself. Seeing that lunch was almost over, meant the people that were gathered in the conference room before should be heading back soon.

Walking back yourself, you saw Bruce was in the same spot you left him, his head deep in some files. “Here.” You gently set down the coffee, putting yours down to start gathering your things to move back to where you were sitting before.

“What are you doing?” Bruce asked, watching you curiously.

“I’m moving back, everyone should be back from lunch soon, so I should probably get my laptop and note pads ready.”

Bruce put his hand over your wrist, a way different feeling from the first time. “No, stay here, I may need your help with some data files, you’re good at keeping it organized so I want you nearby.”

You looked down to him, taken back a bit by the suggestion. You were so used to always sitting away from the screen, you were surprised he really needed the extra reassurance but you thought it had to do with him still being tired.

“Okay, that’s no problem.” Sitting back down you set everything up for the next call.

“Keeping you close might make this meeting go by faster, that would make it much more bearable.” His tone was light and friendly, but the look he was giving you seemed a bit different, however you choose to ignore it.

Just then, everyone started coming through the door from lunch, talking amongst themselves and heading back to their seats to prepare for the call to come in.

Again his hand hadn’t moved. Still gently over your wrist, although this time out in the open for anyone to look over and see.

You slowly pulled it away which then caused Bruce to notice again what he was doing. He looked up at you, “Sorry.”

Smiling softly, you turned your head as the call came in, and Bruce quickly picked it up. Writing down some notes you really thought to yourself for a moment.

The apology was definitely not necessary….

[calware]

thoughts incoming. something i think a lot of people online don't realize (and something i wish i could've told myself when i was younger) is that trying to enact punishment on someone you dislike who did or said something wrong for the sake of punishment rarely has a positive effect. especially when it involves attempting to publicly shame/humiliate them, such as writing a callout post with the attempt to get everyone "on your side" and to dislike that person as well. this is because, in many cases, these pursuits result in just making the target angry or upset, which at best just makes them upset and at worse reinforces their ideas. if there's someone online you disagree with and you want to try making a real change, you have to ask yourself if what you're doing is actually going to realistically lead to that outcome or if you're just lashing out in anger

i'm not perfect at this either, in fact i've been on both sides in this situation. i know how it feels to be hurt by someone when you didn't deserve it, so you want that person to hurt too, you want other people to dislike them as much as you do. i really, really get it. i also know what it's like to be cyberbullied online, back when i was a very vocal hater who had a lot of annoyingly bad takes about homestuck and said a lot of things that were at best stupid and at worse parasocial. this, understandably, annoyed a bunch of people, but then some of them decided i should get sent anon hate about it daily. all this did was a) make me feel bad and b) reinforced the idea that i wasn't doing anything wrong, because the people who disagreed with me were also sending me anon hate, so clearly they were in the wrong

i think there are moments where "calling someone out" is helpful, like if someone is running a scam, or if someone is using their platform to groom minors. this is because calling that person out actually helps to prevent them from hurting more people. however, most of the callout posts i've seen on here don't result in any positive effect and usually boil down to "PSA I NEED EVERYONE TO KNOW TUMBLRGUY634 WAS MEAN TO ME!!!!! SPREAD THE WORD!!!!!!", causing a bunch of outrage within that person's circle before fizzling out a while later with no real impact

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for trying to repay a small debt through a mutual third party?

This happened a long time ago, but I sometimes remember it and still think 'wtf' so I wanted to see if I was actually TA here.

At the time, my friend "B" was good friends with both myself and "C." B really wanted us to all hang out together, I'd never met C. After a while we finally did hang out once, and C insisted on doing something out of my budget. He also insisted that he would loan me the $20 and I could just pay him back later. I didn't want to accept at first because I wasn't sure when I would see him again to repay him, but he told me I was being a buzzkill and to just accept, so I did.

Several months went by and I indeed never saw C again, but a situation arose where I helped B out by giving her a place to crash for a while, and when she left she really wanted to repay me somehow but said she could only afford $20 at that time. I told her not to worry about it but she wouldn't let it go, so I said that if it was that important to her to pay me back, she could just forward that $20 on to C since she saw him frequently and we'd all be even.

A few days later C used her phone to start blowing me up with texts about how I was the absolute biggest asshole for trying to "force B to pay my debts" and "taking advantage of her," that I was a "coward" for not doing it in person, that I was "irresponsible" and a "loser" and a "leech," told me B actually hated my guts and how they both loved to make fun of me together, etc etc. I tried to explain but he wouldn't stop, so I just blocked her number.

A few more days later, B showed up at my house crying, saying she didn't agree with anything he said and that she didn't want to lose me, that she and C had gotten into some harder stuff that "changed him into an asshole" and to "not take it personally, he's really a nice guy," etc, but avoided directly answering when I asked why she let him use her phone to harass me about it, or if she agreed that I should have just taken her money and then tried to meet him somewhere to pass it on to him myself even though she saw him almost every day. I told her I was done with the drama and didn't want to be involved with whatever they had going on. Never saw her again.

Was I the asshole to try to repay $20 through a mutual friend?

What are these acronyms?

[sophie-frm-mars]

Hi, ex-supporter here. Genuinely hope you’re doing well. I have been tempted to start up my support again because you genuinely are a talented writer/creator and I do enjoy your work.

I hope you understand supporting your Patreon is somewhat fraught. Your private life should be none of our business, but sadly it is relevant here. Moral action, both private and political is central to your work; you have called out plenty of people for abuse & morality drives your politics. We know abuse took place on your end, but that’s all.

A lot of people like myself might be emotionally rooting for you to bounce back from this, but are unable to support you right now because that moral dissonance has not been resolved. We really don’t know if you are like other ‘cancelled’ leftist influencers and just use leftist values to deflect attention away from abuse, or you are actually trying to do better and working on yourself.

You don’t owe us anything. However, many of us who are eager to support you are forced to hold back because trust has been damaged, and there has not been any real sign of reparation or reconciliation. Maybe you think those kind of questions are invasive, maybe you don’t think we are real fans for not sticking by you despite the allegations.

I don’t know, I just want you to know that there are plenty of people who do want to support you, but feel they need to trust you first. And that can’t happen without addressing some things.

Anyways, best wishes. Take care.

Hiya, thank you for speaking to me on this.

Before I say the rest of what I say I want to be clear that between me and the people I was involved with in 2023, there were some instances where I was responsible for harm, there were instances where I received harm and there was also a general pervasive ecosystem of harmful behaviours in the community I was in. This includes people who signed the statement against me, and in one instance one of them did something which everyone to whom I have described it has agreed is sexual assault, though there is more besides.

For the time being I'm not talking publicly more about what happened because it was a very messy situation, and although I have been seriously harmed by issues in my personal life being litigated in public in this way, I don't want to give my full account of my relationships with everyone involved because I don't want that type of harm to be done to other trans women. There are plenty of complicating factors as there often are in real life that social media isn't really capable of parsing. I have made it clear repeatedly that I am open to hearing anything that people involved want to say to me, and I talked in this post in January about that and about what I would be doing to ensure that I put in the work and make sure I don't cause harm like it again

https://x.com/sophie_frm_mars/status/1745414530455261531

I think that that post says everything I would like to say for now, although I regret saying I agree that my behaviour was abusive, because with more distance and perspective I don't think abusive behaviour was actually described to me.

As I understand it via the support that my therapist and friends have offered, my problems in 2023 were that: I wasn't taking my mental health seriously, I didn't learn good kink practice, I had very little appreciation of my own boundaries and when I shouldn't be doing something that someone asks me to do, and I was high basically all the time. I am in therapy and doing DBT and taking my mental health deadly seriously, I have done a huge amount of reading assigned by my therapist about kink, sex, relationships and mental health, I am working in an ongoing way on learning how to effectively communicate, know my boundaries and understand myself well enough to not be in the kinds of situations that risk harm, and I'm no longer high all the time.

(If anyone is interested in those book recs, so far I've read: Tomorrow Sex Will Be Good Again by Katherine Angel; The Right To Sex by Amia Srinivasan; Screw Consent (I hate this edgy title) by Joseph Fischel; Playing Well With Others; The Loving Dominant by John and Libby Warren; I Hope We Choose Love by Kai Cheng Thom; The New Topping Book by Dossie Easton and Janet W Hardy; and Dissociation Made Simple by Jamie Marich. There have been some others, and I've written a bit about them in the book club channel on my discord as I've been reading)

I haven't heard from the people involved. The last I heard from anyone was one of my exes calling me a pathological liar and saying that they just want to move on with their lives, so while I'm doing the work to make sure I act better in future I am just trying to get on with my life and let them get on with theirs. I hope this clarifies why I have not talked further about the situation.

I will say that the last few months have been hellish for me. I have been frequently suicidal, I spent Christmas and new years alone, I lost a tooth because I couldn't afford proper dental treatment, people from within the community I've been ostracised from have been putting pressure on my remaining friends to cut ties with me, Keffals had my abuser on her twitch stream, a bizarre exaggerated and monsterised version of my personal life has been publicly gossiped about by trans people, fash and "leftist" drama streamers alike, I have been doing other work to make sure I can still pay rent and afford my bills and my HRT, and to survive. As I've been getting more stable and more able to focus on things besides this, I've been working on new writing because all I want with regard to my work and my channel is for my writing to help people. I don't want to talk about my private life, but I do understand that some number of people will feel after what has been said about me that they can't move forward with me without hearing the full details. Lots of people in my life have repeatedly encouraged me to publish a full account of everything that happened but I know how the Internet works and I don't want other trans women to be harmed in the ways that I have been harmed.

[return-of-a-space-cowboy]

Platonic Yandere Giorno and Adopted Mother (Bad seed inspired)

Familal Yandere Giorno with an adopted mother reader

Warning: mentions of child abuse

They were his teacher when he started attending school. Alway kind to their students. They noticed he had trouble integrating and brought it up with his mother who assured them that he was fine. They believe that maybe he was just shy and needed time to get used to this.

His parents were often late to picking him up so darling watched him, eventually even tutoring him so that he could speak Italian better. Deep down they felt that something wasn't right but that wasn't enough to act on.

Eventually he started coming to school with bruises and welts. At first they asked his parents. He fell over they told them but it cleanly wasn't the case. So they stopped asking and took photos, eventually reporting it. They promised him that things would get better and that he needed to stay hopeful.

So when he was removed from his parents care they offered to foster him and were accepted. He was happy to be with them and so did they. For awhile it was only them, they even officially adopted him.

However around his early teens they met someone. All seemed well until their partner was caught cheating on them. Giorno was there to console them. Offered them everything he possibly could to help them. Mentally he vowed that he would never allow anyone to do this to his mother again.

Once again it was just the two of them and everything was fine until they decided to start dating again. Giorno didn't trust this person after the previous partner they had but stomached it for them. He did keep his eye out, even stalking their partner until he knew they weren't trustworthy. The partner disappears and once again Giorno was there to comfort them in their time of need.

Shortly after his stand fully manifests. Of course they are shocked and give him a light scolding about bleaching his hair, He should have told them first so they could have helped him. He doesn't argue it as how else is he able to explain it. They can't see any issues with the job so no harm, they even admit they like how his hair looks.

With hos newfound power he starts sabotaging any chance of a romantic relationship with them. One time they catch him going through their texts and quickly takes their phone off him.

"I need my privacy Giorno, I know you're worried but I can take care of myself" they tell him

Eventually his petty sabotaging doesn't work and you end up in another relationship. They can tell Giorno isn't happy with it but they assure him that their new partner is a good person.

Perhaps the new partner catches him doing one of his shady side hustles and does him to them. They are disappointed by him and try to deter him from doing it again. It becomes evident that the new partner wants him out of the picture. Constantly finding ways to get him in trouble and suggests they send him to a boarding school to "straighten him out" they do consider sending him for different reasons, wanting him to give him some more freedom and so that he'll have a good secondary education (as highschools in italy are more similar to university / college that you study for particular professions).

He respects their decision. But after he ends up as Don of Passione He kills the partner and uses his power to hide the body. This time she's has a feeling that her partner didn't leave on their own volition and the police get involved however it quickly becomes a cold case.

Eventually Giorno returns to tell them about his accomplishments they're horrified. They had tried so hard to keep him as far away from the mafia but now he's a Don. What ever happened to their sweet boy.

He tries to sway them over. Debts are cleared. He offers them new houses and cars. Gifts them with luxuries beyond their wildest dreams but to them it all Blood money.

He just wants his mother back, he's trying to repay her for everything they've done for him. He wants to know they're safe and he can't trust another to do so.