#it just ruins ur mental health !!!
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what the fuck does there's only 1 gg mean 😭
#theres only 1 gg!#THE INSTANT APOLOGY LMFAO#idek how u can criticize him in the first place. hes just a well meaning baby goat!!! leave him alone !!#gg still paying attention to randos online...#that was a big reason why unc fans prayed on his downfall (along with the fact that he decommitted)#he doesnt like Argue argue he just kinda says like damn :( or 'undrafted? sersiouly 😢' or just plain sad faces them#but STILL#do not even look at it gg#it makes me think of gup and his internet battling..#it just ruins ur mental health !!!#1 insult can topple 10 compliments !#it stands out!#somebody pls help gg navigate this kinda stuff!!!!!!
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😞thinking about Elliot page & Amanda bynes & Britney Spears & Shelley duvall & Jennette McCurdy
#sad that two of my favs from childhood / adolescence are dealing with major mental health issues#Amanda bynes#elliot page#like damn .. I’m just glad they’re alive you know#I’ll fight against transgender ideology but I’m not trying to fight e. page herself#Suffering through “Hollywood” (even saying it feels like Hollywood is the glamour#Like it’s the good thing when it’s not) Anyways it ruins u if ur tortured through it mentally#Which is obvious#Unfortunately much more obvious with famous women#How many have we semi-lost? How many were on the edge?#Self harm. Eating disorders. Loss of sanity. Inability to take care of themselves (conservatorships)loss of control#Idk it disturbs me a lot#Those were my girlies you know#Jennette is doing fine bc she QUIT#she quit early and will be ok imo. But it ate her alive too
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throat hurts just enough for me to be extremely scared of getting sick and now i cant sleep. if i get a cold i will have a week long mental breakdown i can guarantee it
#andre.txt#colds RUIN my mental health i would literally rather get hit by a car.#headaches + not being able to breath comfortably + sore throat + body aches + fatigue makes me violently suicidal#colds feel like someone is constantly ringing a piercingly high pitch bell right next to my ear for a week straight ->#and im just expected to ignore that bell and everyone else is like “well when i hear the bell i dont care about it!!! ur being dramatic :/”#autism be damned my boy can relapse because of the common cold
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it is so crazy when u ruin something but you dont realize till its gone forever and ur stuck knowing u were a huge cunt but now oh well it is done. post fucking up clarity suckss why i didnt think this before.mfw
#like guilty and shame and the lingering Knowledge of what u did and u cant take anything back#having something somewhat like closure helps but its like .well#and knowing ur ruined it bcse of mental health again is just. hm#obvs i cant blame ppl for not wanting to deal w all that but i just wish i wasnt all that#suicide mention#tw suicide
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MOON HOUSE CORE © novy2sirius
trigger warning: suicide, violence, eating, hypochondria, trauma, mental health issues ♡
this is just a random post abt things ppl with these placements could experience ♡
these r only abt isolated placements so take it with a grain of salt bc the whole chart matters ♡
a lot of these r experiences i’ve heard from my friends and ppl who’ve purchased readings from me directly ♡
moon in 1h core
not being able to hide ur emotions bc they’re literally evident on ur face, youthful beauty, constantly changing ur outlook on life depending on how u feel at the time, getting told u look young for ur age, getting mad bc boys/girls call u cute instead of hot, mothering everyone, likes to be pampered and babied, throws child-like fits if lower vibrational, being a lot like ur mom even tho sometimes u don’t wanna admit it, even if ur a boy having emotional responses like a teenage girl, growing up with parents that had anger issues so now u have anger issues, being asked if ur sad all the time by ppl when ur not even sad it’s just ur resting face, having a comforting aura, ur mood instantly being ruined the moment anything makes u insecure at all, looking good in light blue and white outfits
moon in 2h core
having a cute voice, wanting to spend all ur money bc u had a bad day and r emotional, eating bc u’re emotional af, ur comfort place being a restaurant/fast food spot, having a wife who brings lots of stability to ur life, having a good singing voice, feeling emotionally connected to inanimate objects such as ur stuffed animal, not feeling happy around ppl who bring instability to ur life, spending all ur money on things related to music/food, love language is gift giving and physical touch, not feeling loved by ur partner when they don’t hug u every second, feeling more comfortable around ppl who share the same values as u, only having a good work ethic when ur happy, caring abt ppl more when they spoil u with gifts
moon in 3h core
being extremely charming and able to persuade others easily, having a rly soft voice and being told u sound like a child, being scared to do anything when ur sibling/a companion doesn’t come with u, feeling more emotionally connected to ppl u share similar opinions/interests with, being more talkative around ppl when ur comfortable and quiet around random ppl, posting emo stuff on social media when u were in middle school, having a lot of the same interests as ur mom, being close with ur neighbors growing up and riding bikes with them around the neighborhood and selling lemonade on the side of the road, being obsessed with romance books
moon in 4h core
playing house a lot as a kid, either being rly close with ur mom or having extreme mommy issues, being obsessed with self care related things and not being able to go to sleep without doing ur skin care routine, being emotional just by existing, coming off as emotional even when ur not emotional, feeling deep emotion for ppl and feeling attached to them and then realizing that they don’t feel the same way bc u’ve literally only talked for a week and u just have a problem with getting attached to ppl easily, feeling most comfortable with people that make u feel feminine, being a talented nurse or realtor, having a very nurturing aura
moon in 5h core
having a lot of hobbies that don’t involve leaving ur house, being hot, ppl always telling u that u have celebrity/star vibes, having a bunch of creative ideas but being afraid to share them bc ur shy, being insanely dramatic and then later regretting it heavily, being a good actor, contemplating killing urself every time u got grounded as a kid bc ur dramatic, feeling happiest when ur by the ocean or water, being a hopeless romantic, falling in love w cancer placements but wishing u didn’t, loving mango/citrus flavored foods/drinks, being scared of violent video games and wanting to play sims or minecraft instead, being rly good with kids/kids naturally loving u, growing up with egotistical parents, rewatching the same films/shows over and over bc they bring u comfort
moon in 6h core
being able to tell how someone rly feels even when they try and hide it bc u can analyze ppl rly well, loves animals and feels better when they have an emotional support pet, love language is acts of service and gift giving, having rly bad anxiety any time u leave the house (and in general) these ppl r huge homebodies, being a hypochondriac and thinking ur gonna die every time u have a single bad physical health symptom and googling ur symptoms then becoming even more worried bc google says ur abt to have a heart attack, chronic overthinker
moon in 7h core
being rly charming and having a lot of secret admirers, being scared to come outside ur comfort zone without a companion/partner with u, being fruity af, making ur friends/lovers order food for u bc ur too shy to, wanting harmony/peace and hating when someone argues with u or tries to start conflict with u but unfortunately still managing to attract lots of enemies even when u try to avoid drama, being able to negotiate with others easily, trying to be nice to ppl and killing them with kindness and u still end up getting hurt, being attractive to society but insecure abt ur looks, feeling sad if u don’t look pretty at all times, moving to live near ur bf/gf bc ur too attached to be in a long distance relationship, hates hookup culture
moon in 8h core
being sexualized a lot, ppl randomly confiding in u abt their traumas when u didn’t even bring anything abt it up, not being able to hookup bc you’ll get too attached, having a lot of family trauma that has now affected u emotionally and made u rly defensive any time someone talks to u in a slightly off tone, being a witch, doing love spells on ur crush so they’ll like u, having dark humor, feeling like u wanna die on ur period and going insane and acting like another person and then when u go off it realizing how dramatic u were, getting a boob job, being sent d*ck/p*ssy pics a lot without even asking for them, getting inheritance from ur family, getting surgery when u were young, spiritually transforming the most when ur alone
moon in 9h core
wanting to leave ur home country and never come back, trying to run away as a kid and packing a bag then coming back bc ur scared after only getting half way down ur street, adapting to ur surroundings quickly and easily being influenced by others, having a closer connection with ur grandparents than ur actual parents, having good ethics and not vibing with ppl around u who don’t, having ur first romantic relationship in college, feeling more comfortable around cultures outside of ur own or feeling more emotionally connected to cultures outside of ur own, cutting out ppl quickly when they’re negative and when they don’t support ur plans in life, having a thing for athletic boys/girls
moon in 10h core
having a star-like quality, finding comfort in being a workhorse and working all the time and using it as a way to distract urself from all ur problems in life, feeling like life is meaningless if ur not constantly going out and doing things, trying to keep things private but they end up getting out anyway, having a reputation of being a softie, feeling closer to ur dad than ur mom or having extreme daddy issues no in between, leaving behind a legacy that inspires others and touches them emotionally, being talented in careers that r an emotional outlet for u
moon in 11h core
having a very friendly aura and being able to socialize well but still sometimes having a low social battery at the same time, having a lot of influence on others and attracting a lot of ppl that r fans of u, being easily influenced and sometimes easily manipulated, having a lot of mood swings, being emotionally unpredictable, fearing being alone/dying alone and ppl abandoning u, being able to social network rly well, being closer to a step/half parent than a biological parent, throwing the best house parties, forming closer emotional connections online than in real life, being closer to ur online friends than in person friends, having a deep desire for someone to just care abt u and give u attention
moon in 12h core
having a lot of dreams that weirdly predict things almost perfectly, being obsessed with the feeling of nostalgia but also hating it at the same time, having an ethereal beauty, using astrology as a way to get an explanation for ur trauma so u can feel more validated, falling into a deep depression every time u run out of shows to watch, imagining fake scenarios in ur head abt rly bad things happening and crying over it when ur bored, looking like a mermaid/man, dwelling on the past a lot, being able to mask rly well and pretend ur someone ur not and doing it sm to fit in that u don’t even know who u r anymore, struggling with mental health issues ever since u were a child and feeling like u were sad even as a kid but not knowing why, hearing ppl talk randomly when ur abt to fall asleep but no one’s there, having a lot of hidden enemies that u may have had a close emotional connection with before that end up stabbing u in the back, feeling alone even when ur not alone
comment if u want more of these 🗣️
#moon houses#moon#moon astrology#astrology#astrology blog#astrology chart#birth chart#astrology community#astro community#moon core#astrology core
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i scrolled on here for a concentrated amount of time and it immediately took me back to the place of paralyzing panic (oh my gOD the alliteraaationnnn girl) i was in for so long lol
#like wow ur telling me not being on social media was good for my mental health?? what??#ik this is all user based and such but goddamn#took me out#it was like current events society literature ruin look look look at it think about it other people think this too#youre not crazy youre just powerless wahahaha#also teehee halloweeeeen#and a funny meme#whoop! and genocide! hyprocrisy! injustice!#like gorl im gonna die#brb gonna go read my book about more societal wrongs disguised as a story about a clown that delights in child murder#my thoughts
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I am once again in an existential crisis and it's bad also bc lmao my life was a crisis
#i just keep meeting people i knew and I'm the only failure among them like objectively#i wish mental health would just be cured by resting and going to the lake but unfortunately it just gets worse and ruins ur life instead
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hii so like i had an idea where like reader and the twst boys are like fighting but then the enemy like cut the readers shirt and bra in half (stay with me now) and i think it would be funny if the twst would be panicking lowk because they didnt know if reader got hurt but reader is js annoying that her fav bra got cut (and she might have to pay crowley for a new uniform) 😔
OKAYA OKAY THIS IS SO FUNNY TO ME SURE but lowkey when you said her bra got cut I was kinda suspicious on where this was going to untill I finished reading the whole thing, ANYWAYS!! (They lowkey me fr) I will write what you wish for...
Horrible accident
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Riddle:
Absolutely worried if you got hurt lmao
Would probably be concerned about your mental health if you just say you didn't like how it ruined your favorite bra
Immediately checks if you're okay (like seeing if you got a scar or something)
Would be relieved that you didn't get hurt
Overall, he's gonna lecture you after the fight that you could've have gotten hurt and you only cared about your bra getting cut
Buys u a new one though
Leona
Lowkey this man is legit a woman respect juice drinker so he would look away before walking to you and covering his eyes while talking to you okay, we love woman respecters:3.
WORRIED BUT HIDES IT BUT FAILED MISERABLY
He literally thought you got SLASHED in the chest (by the enemy) but depending on how slashed you, if it's RSA then they boutta be prepared 😞 if it's a monster like random monster, then it's goodbye to their lives
Overall, he is worried and would NOT be disrespectful:3
He'll buy you a new bra lol
AZUL
Secretly SCREAMING internally in his mind when the fight is over dawg
Would send JADE (NOT FLOYD BC LOWKEY HE WOULD JUST LAUGH AT YOU B4 HELPING YOU) to check if you're okay if he notices that u legit got SLASHED that is VERY NEAR your CHEST
Would actually be redder then a tomato let's be fr
I'm not writing FANON azul okay (SPARE ME PLEASE I DON'T KNOW HOW TO PLAY TWISTED WONDERLAND)
Worried by would calm himself down (he's gonna buy you a new bra dw)
Would probably send Floyd to taunt the enemy
KALIM ( I THINK)
Lwokey FREAKY
But terrified if you were hurt
LIKE HELLO
YOU JUST GOT SLASHED NEAR THE CHEST AND YOUR SHIRT AND BRA GOT CUT
ANYONE WOULD BE TERRIFIED
Laughs it off after he found out you were worried about your bra instead of yourself ☠️
Buys u a new one wink wink
VIL
do NOT let this man know☠️🙏
HE'S MORE WORRIED ABOUT YOUR SKIN AND BEAUTY (probably)
Sends rook to check up on during the fight btw
Rook is kinds freaky but makes sure ur alright
After the fight, expect to get dragged to the shopping mall or smth like that
Makes crowley make u a new uniform! 1! 1! 1! 1 yeayahayay
IDIA
YOU KNOW THIS MAN IS NOT ON THE BATTLE GROUND. BRO GOT FORCED
He was lowkey with you the entire fight so when he saw the enemy cut your shirt and bra
He freaked out
Very.
Bro's hair finna be orange and pink☠️☠️
Bros an interesting case cause I don't know how to write his personality
(Because he's an introvert and I'm basically a very very very experienced extrovert writer but lowkey I'm a introvert and extrovert combined soo)
Buys u a new bra through his tablet and like makes the shipper go to yours to deliver it (it's already paid dw)
MALLEUS
The enemy had a suicide note tbh
Bros fate got decided when malleus appeared behind him☠️
Later the enemy was out of the way!!! (Dead or like gone prbly ran away)
Checks up on u like looks away if the cut of the shirt is very large aka covers his eyes
Buys u a new bra and would lowkey pressure crowley into giving u a new uniform
I'M DONE I'M DONE finally THIS HAS BEEN SITTING IN MY DRAFTS FOR AGES I JUST HAD NO MOTIVATION
#˙ 𝅄ㅤ𝖻𝗈𝗈𝗉 𝖻𝗈𝗈𝗉! ♡ 𝅄۫ ⊹#Σ(゜゜𝐳𝐚𝐢𝐳𝐚𝐢 𝐫𝐞𝐜𝐨𝐫𝐝𝐬#♪~(´ε`𝐒𝐭𝐫𝐚𝐰𝐛𝐞𝐫𝐫𝐲 𝐬𝐡𝐨𝐫𝐭𝐜𝐚𝐤𝐞#𝐳𝐚𝐢𝐳𝐚𝐢;; 𝐫𝐞𝐪𝐮𝐞𝐬𝐭 𝐚𝐧𝐬𝐰𝐞𝐫𝐞𝐝!#twisted wonderland#twst#disney twst#twisted wonderland x reader#riddle rosehearts x reader#leona kingscholar x reader#azul ashengrotto x reader#kalim al asim x reader#vil shoenheit x reader#idia shroud#malleus draconia x reader
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instagram j.b.
summary: follow along with joe and his wife evie as they go through his football career.
*face claim yasmin quintana*
series masterlist
evie
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liked by joeyb_9, millyg, and 982,028 others
evie: things i do, fits i wear, pics i take. oh.. and a little bday cake.
view all 1,839 comments…
user: not the body armor bottle.. 😳
> evie: i do not know that man.
user: happy birthday ev! you are such a bright light.
> evie: 😭💗
millyg: happy birthday my sweet baby angel evangeline. 🤍
> evie: ugh. i miss you mills.
joeyb_9: gotta stay hydrated
> evie: there is only one thing that will quench my thirst.. and it ain’t the drink. 😉
> lahjay10_: not again. get off the internet.
> user: not it being ev getting spicy in the comments this time.
> user: she’s been waiting for this moment.
joeyb_9
liked by lahjay10_, bengals, and 104,837 others
joeyb_9: hbd ev, i love every year of you.
view all 930 comments…
user: happy birthday qween
> evie: omg ur the qween! thank you. 💗
user: an evie post? absolutely not. get rid of it.
> evie: i knew the haters were going to love this one.
lahjay10_: happy birthday ev, lemme see you hit that griddy later yeah?
> evie: you sure you want me stealing your thunder like that?
evie: i love you, you big sap. thank you for celebrating me. 💗
> joeyb_9: you know i celebrate your life everyday, my wifey.
user: happy birthday, this city and joe wouldn’t be the same without you.
> evie: 🥺
user: joe whyyyy did you have to ruin the feed like this?
> lahjay10_: yall need to LAY OFF man.
sam_hubbard_: happy birthday ev! looking forward to celebrating you tonight.
> evie: *virtual hugs*
bengals: happy birthday mrs. burrow, the queen of the jungle!
> evie: i love my bengies so much.
evie
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liked by joeyb_9, bengals, and 973,927 others.
evie: # WAG
view all 820 comments…
user: one of the best
> evie: kisses kisses
joeyb_9: the fit was killer today wifey
> evie: thanks hottie. 😘
user: the only WAG i follow. you’re my favorite.
> evie: you guys make my heart feel so full, im sending you love!!
user: how does one become joey b’s bed buddy?
> evie: hmmmm. i wouldn’t know considering i’m his WIFE. get a life and quit being a loser.
> user: i’m a loser? your man BARELY posts you, he doesn’t love you sis.
> evie: if all you have to worry about is wether someone is posting a picture of me on social media then yes, you are in fact a big ass loser.
> user: bro ev you do not play in these comments.
> evie: it gets to a point where the disrespect shouldn’t have to be tolerated. i’ve been in my relationship for over 8 years, and frankly joe or i don’t owe anyone an explanation about how we choose to navigate that publicly.
> lahjay10_: yo you tell em ev. you a little fighter i know you can scrap with all these haters.
> user: what’s even worse is i doubt joe will even acknowledge any of this
> user: he won’t because he’s just using her as a placeholder till something more interesting comes along. he doesn’t care.
> user: yall about to make this girl turn her comments off again.
> millyg: not too much on my girl???? what is happening right now? have you guys forgotten that like.. you don’t know this man?
joeyb_9
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liked by bengals, sam_hubbard_, and 347,185 others
joeyb_9: hard fought
view all 1,839 comments…
user: he’s him
user: evie didn’t go to the game today. very unusual.
> user: well you lames were ripping her apart in her comments i wouldn’t want to go either.
user: a running qb
bengals: That guy! 🔥
user: chefs kiss
user: where is ev?
> user: probably in hiding
> user: she was all big talk in the comments and now she’s going to play scared?
> user: she was there, she posted on her story.
> user: you guys really don’t care about mental health do you?
*the comments on this post have been limited*
evie
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liked by joeyb_9, millyg, and 921,002 others
evie: hopeless romantics. my jb.
view all 1,630 comments…
user: now she’s just rubbing it in.
> user: it actually makes me sick that they are married and she spoke to his fans the way she did. i hope he leaves her in the dust.
> joeyb_9: those were no fans of mine.
user: this is gross, after everything going on. you’re being petty and childish. posting pictures of your phony relationship.
user: i don’t think joe appreciates yall treating someone he loves like gum on the bottom of your shoe.
joeyb_9: everything is better with you. i would choose you over and over again, every chance i get. you’ll never be a placeholder to me. you’re my favorite place to go and i’d fight the universe if i had to. it’s not fair you have to deal with this because of me.
> evie: thank you for loving me..
millyg: this is so precious i kind of want to throw up.
> lahjay10_: i’m witchu mills.
evies stories:
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should i continue making these or are yall bored now?
#joe burrow#nfl#nfl imagine#bengals#cincinnati bengals#joe burrow imagine#joe burrow x reader#joe burrow insta au#joe burrow instagram
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౨ৎ ⋆。• vogue beauty secrets 🐰 ๋࣭ ⭑
🎀𓂃 ࣪˖ hair
don't wash your hair every day! i think everybody knows this but i know a couple people who still dont wash their hair only 2-3 times a week. obviously it depends on ur hair type but only wash your hair when it needs it!
don't wash your hair with scalding hot water either. its not only bad for your body and face but its also bad for your hair as it ruins the natural oils and damages cells etc
if you have frizzy or easily knotted hair i recommend keeping a comb on hand in the shower and using it to detangle before putting in any products
i've been emulsifying my shampoo for only a couple of weeks but my hair is sooo much fluffier afterwards so i definitely recommend that!!
now i'm torn on this one but apparently shampooing twice is better for your hair than doing it once? i tried it one time and it did not end well for my hair type but i know it works for a lot of people so if you wanna give it a try then go for it ♡
i squeeze excess water out of my hair before i put in my conditioner so i can completely get it in there without
also change your pillow case often! this is for your face too, as the oils will build up and thats not good for ur hair or face. i change it once a week but 2x a week is good too if you're able 💓
don't go to bed with wet hair. stop doing that. its super bad for your hair and keeping it pretty & fluffy & cute
airdrying is my holy grail, been doing it since i was little and dont regret a thing. its a billion times better than blow drying & makes ur hair so fluffy too ♡
🎀𓂃 ࣪˖ body
DO NOT. HAVE. THE WATER. BOILING HOT. i am guilty of this and have been for years but it has such a bad impact and you shouldnt do it! cold showers are better but i prefer warm showers so theres a middle ground (& its always cold in england, so id freeze to death.)
using body lotion after the shower has been such a game changer for me its incredible. makes you smell nice, feel nice, look nice, and its so relaxing and i feel like a princess after i do it <3
exfoliating is really important if your aim is for soft skin 💓 i have been doing it for months and as somebody with super rough skin its SO soft now
partake in some form of exercise. i hated hated hated sports and exercise when i was younger but i did do dance up until i was eleven and have been doing pilates consistently for months now, and my mindset towards it has changed drastically over the years to finally a healthy one. it can be a difficult thing to get into but make it something you enjoy. it doesn't have to be sports. ill make a post on this soon but it can be pilates, kpop dances, running, hot girl walks, anything! and most importantly, do it for mental health and physical health, not losing weight.
make sure you're eating properly. remember that 1400 to 2400 calories of nutritious substance is the MINIMUM. this of course depends on many variables including, weight, height, BMR, what it is your eating, et cetera. your body is so important & is there to be nourished and not neglected !!! ♡ (💭🎀edit: updated info on calories and nutrition from a lovely anon i received a message from this morning! ♡)
change your bedsheets every week if you wanna smell good, this is so important bc sweat and odour will build up if u dont and thats icky and wont make u smell good & probably isnt the best for your skin either!
i also put two similar body washes on in the shower that i get SO many compliments on & its really helpful if one of your priorities is smelling good
dont just wash body wash straight off, let it sit for a few moments so the scent can actually sink into ur skin
🎀𓂃 ࣪˖ face
skincare every morning & every night. if ur tired or just not feeling it today then simplify it, just make sure you never leave it out because its super important! no. skipping. no work = no reward.
on this note, try not to have a too complicated skincare routine, as this can backfire and make ur skin worse than before. your skin isnt meant for 18 different products and 200 chemicals every morning!
never wash your face with hot water... this is also a given but just in case... it strips your skin of its natural oils and does more harm than good
stop touching ur face... just for those who need a little reminder
make sure ur sleeping enough. seriously disney princess movies meant it when they talked ab beauty sleep; it seriously makes a difference, so please try make this a priority, especially if you already have dark circles like myself! (like girl did you see aurora's face? my girl's skin was so clear i could see my reflection)
pay attention to what makes ur face puffy or irritated or makes you get break outs. i keep a little break out log in my skincare page in my journal (little teaser for an upcoming post 🤭) and this has helped me go over what helps or hurts my skin! i recommend this especially if ur prone to acne or breakouts 💖
cold spoons in the morning to depuff your eyes; ive only been doing this a handful of times but im making it a habit seeing as it really helps! (as someone who can get vv puffy eyes 😭)
hydration is so important, for everything in this list, but most of all (from my experience) your face! i drink A Lot of water every day. probably a bit too much. but its so worth it, my skin has been absolutely amazing ever since i started actually making hydration a priority. (and this is coming from a girl who didnt touch a drop of water when she was younger & had to go hospital for dehydration several times.)
i'd recommend scrubbing ur lips too in the morning when you brush your teeth, i saw this on pinterest aaages ago bc i had super dry lips and i do it every morning & every night RELIGIOUSLY. its so so good and i definitely recommend
i have super dry lips in the morning so lip balm in the mornings w my skincare is absolutely essential for me
i also put perfume behind my ears & on my neck so its the first thing people smell when they hug me! im a very touchy person and i love hugs and i love showing love to people so this is essential for me but its optional, just makes you smell good ♡
#girlblogging#had this in my drafts for a while and in honour of my beloved everything shower i decided to finish it#+ im obsessed with vogue beauty secrets atm so. um#it girlism ୨𖹭୧#glow up#wonyoungism#it girl#pink pilates princess#self care#self growth#self concept#it girl energy#that girl#becoming that girl#becoming her#beauty#fashion#vogue#vogue beauty secrets#loa blog#loassumption#loa tumblr#law of assumption#self image#self improvement#self love
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In the Shadows of Buffalo Bay - Prologue
word count: 1.5k+
Zoro x afab!Reader x Sanji, cowgirl!reader no use of y/n, no beta reader, all my reader characters are black even if not explicitly stated. if that's not ur jam, then don’t read!
Rating: M (smut will be in future chapters, labelled as Explicit.)
Warnings: themes of alcohol, drug use, smoking, mental health issues, implications of self-harm, and violence to come.
Summary: Right after the Straw Hats leave the land of Wano; they land on Buffalo Bay, a gourmet cattle island known for its famous fairs, cowboys, and food. What they find is a dusty town, ruled by a sheriff with more secrets than she lets on. When she challenges the swordsman and seduces the cook, they both can't help but wonder: what is she hiding? And how will her past, entwined with the island's dark history, affect their crew? cross-posted to ao3 @laughtalelogs
Special thanks to @sigilsmut for giving me major inspiration with his OC, Honeko. Please check them out, they’re both pretty neat!
chapter Index- prologue (you are here!), ch.1
Prologue: Darek Red
Prrr. Prrr. Prrr. Cu-lick.
“It’s been quite a while since you’ve called, are you sure about this?”
“Quite. They made it clear it would be utterly careless not to. Expected arrival time is at sunrise. No messes, you hear?”
“Clear as day, sir. Considering the walk in the park you just gave me, should I leave the ‘Thank You’ note with them, or should I save that for when you decide to ring again?”
“Focus. Stick to the plan. And it wouldn’t hurt to remember our deal.”
Cu-lick.
“Great.”
Zoro stirred from his slumber as soon as he heard the laugh of his captain. Was it already time for Brook to take his shift? Did he sleep through breakfast? He didn’t feel the sun on him just yet. He shrugged it off. If there was danger, he’d know, no doubt. He allowed his shoulders to relax as sleep absorbed him once more.
Until suddenly, “Now, Usopp, Chopper!”
The floor shifted, he shot back, the air in his lungs suddenly slammed out of him as his head struck the glass of the crow’s nest. His eye shot open, but his vision swam, followed by a thrumming on the base of his skull. He quickly grabbed his swords that slid under the bench from the change of position, scoping his surroundings.
Of course, when his guard was down, something would happen to the ship. He ignored the way his vision blurred to turn around and scan the ship through the glass beneath him. He saw a familiar straw hat from a distance and loosened the tight grip of his blades. At least someone was out there.
What he still was trying to figure out was why in the hell was Luffy at the helm? Zoro ran to the hatch. He angled himself down the ladder and tightened his grip as he quickly realized they were soaring through the sky.
“What the fuck is happening?!” He shouted over the whipping wind, watching Luffy let go of the wheel to stand on the now horizontal mast.
He just laughed and held onto his hat, his standard goofy grin shined in the moonlight. “We’re going to the city of meat, duh!”
“You idiot!” Zoro yelled. “We were going to be there in the morning!” His warning fell on deaf ears. Luffy, who was singing and dancing about meat, was too busy to care. He hoped everyone else was safe.
He already had a bad feeling about the poster they’d found on the ghost ship yesterday. The rest of the crew, however, seemed unfazed. Nami had determined from her Log Pose that they’d reach the island by sunrise, and everyone was eager for a break after the war they’d just endured. But, of course, Luffy’s hunger had to ruin that plan.
He glanced around while his thoughts wandered for a brief and unwelcomed moment.
Where was the damn cook? His face soured, trying to force the thought down as soon as it came. He’s probably clinging onto his bed in the men’s quarters like an idiot, he thought again, but the idea of Sanji flying overboard refused to leave his mind.
“He’ll survive just in spite of me thinking that,” He humored, muttering under his breath to himself, the usual bite in his tone gone. Still, he scanned the doors for a mop of blonde hair that he wouldn’t admit he waited to appear. If he had half the brain Zoro thought he had, he’s probably helping the others.
Now, Zoro was stuck there, gripping the rope ladder as he tried to make sense of the chaos. Over Luffy’s shoulder, he caught glimpses of the dark horizon. The Sunny pitched forward sharply, teetering above the sea before nose diving toward land. Zoro was relaxed as ever—if relaxed meant cursing under his breath and bracing for impact.
“Hold o-” Zoro’s warnings were cut off as the ship slammed into hard dirt, skidding like a rock skipping across a pond. Zoro jostled against the rope ladder with each impact, gritting his teeth. The hull screeched. Luffy was laughing, because of course this was absolutely hilarious to him, as he swung on a stretched arm. A chorus of startled yelling joined the ship’s groaning protests, the crew must have been rudely woken up just like him.
Finally, they stopped. The wood wheezed underneath them, the pitch black enveloping them on all sides.
“That was awesome!” Luffy’s cackle echoed off into the dark night as he dropped from the mast back onto the grassy deck. “Did you see that Zoro?!”
He did more than see it, he thought. He drops from the rope onto the deck. He went to reply, but heard doors slamming open and shut, followed by multiple yells for the same person.
“LUFFY!”
Everyone clambered in, one after another. Jinbei carried Brook’s head, while Franky angrily dragged the other two culprits with him. Behind them, Zoro sees a shock of blonde, and he lets go of a breath he didn’t realise he had been holding. He scratched the back of his head and rolled his shoulders, as if his previous worries would fall off of them. Adrenaline is still pumped through his veins under hot skin, cooled off by the night’s air.
“Morning everyone!” Luffy said excitedly, smile stretched so wide Zoro wouldn’t be surprised if his face stayed like that. “We’re here! Good work, Usopp and Chopper!”
“I can’t believe I let him talk me into this..” Usopp groaned and whimpered under the tight grip Franky held his waist in, and Chopper gasped for air.
“Too tight, too tight!” He clawed at the large hand with his hooves to no avail.
Nami was already tearing Luffy a new one, and Franky was following suit. Even Jinbei had a look of dismay, while Brook was steadily complaining in his palm.
“You can’t believe it,” Franky says through his teeth, dropping the two to the floor. “I can’t believe all the work I’m going to have to do on the Sunny because of you 3, this is not super, bros.”
“I’m thinking we should’ve kept him in the cage,” Sanji muttered as he let go of Nami and set down robin on the deck.
“I agree with you Sanji,” Nami bellowed as she charged past Zoro, and pinched hard on Luffy’s cheek. “I don’t think he learned his lesson from the waterfall, after all,”
Luffy whined halfheartedly like a child. “Ow- I’m really sorry, Nami.. I was just hungry, ya know!”
“When you’re hungry, you wake up Sanji. You don’t crash the ship into land in the middle of the night!” She screamed, and it ringed in Zoro's ears, the sharp pain in his head roared to life. He winced and rubbed the back of his head again. It didn't surprise him when he removed his hand that he saw smudges of red on his finger tips.
“Why didn’t you stop him?” He felt a gentle kick at his shin, turning to see Sanji staring at him. He had dark circles underneath his wide, tired eyes that bore straight through Zoro. The blond hair that covered his face illuminated with the light of his lighter. The flame flickered to life as he scanned around, taking in their surroundings. “What happened to keeping watch?"
Zoro rolled his eyes, “I keep watch against threats, not our own crew. Besides, how was I supposed to know what he was going to do, curly?” He really wasn’t in the mood to fight with the bastard, especially not this early in the morning. He watches Sanjis eyes look at him, squinting like he could see through him, his eyes lingering on the hand Zoro had rubbed his head with. Zoro wipes his hand on the back of his pants, shrugging it off like he already knew what Sanji would say next. They remain silent, but everything in Sanji’s eyes looks like they’re begging a question. Zoro chest tightens as he bit back the pain in his head and heart.
“I’m fine, Cook. Nothing happened,” Is all he gives, turning away to look at the rest of the crew. "Drop it."
“I didn’t say a thing, Moss,” Is all he says in response, lighting a new cigarette as he listened to the crew begin to brainstorm a plan of action.
After a moment of arguing and tired deliberation, All adventures to the mysterious Buffalo Bay were cut off for the night. Even with Luffy’s master plan, they had no choice but to wait until sunrise with how dark it was. Even with Franky’s freak ass lights, they could only see dirt and grass for what seemed to stretch on for forever. Robin questioned if there was any land of meat at all, and the fact they were stranded settled amongst the group in a grim veil.
So much for a tourist destination, he thought. He had heard enough of the plan. He walked away from the group, settling on the edge of the grass to rest his aching head. As sleep began to overtake him as he droned out the sounds of his friends talking, he couldn’t help but to feel a pit in the bottom of his stomach. It was small, but large enough to annoy him and eat away at his steeled nerves. Something was really off about this island. As sleep washed over him, he could only think that that was just something he’d have to worry about later.
A/N: AHHH finally!! I have been planning this fic in my head with multiple drafts and outlines and brainstorming for I think 2 months at this point, and finally feel pretty good about how to started this off.
I hope you enjoyed the prequel! I have the chapter one 75% done, I just need to edit it some more but expect it some time 11/28 at night. I hope to have it up and chapter two by Sunday! The next chapter will introduce the reader, i promise! also, future chapters will switch between perspectives. This will be a slow burn so stick around if you wanna see how it plays out! Feedback, love, and criticism is much appreciated ♡
#vinsmoke sanji#sanji x reader#black leg sanji#zoro roronoa x reader#zoro x reader#roronoa zoro#zoro x sanji#one piece zoro#sanji#zoro#one piece#one piece sanji#zosan#zosan x reader#zosan fanfic#one piece zosan#op zosan#sanji vinsmoke#sanji x zoro x black reader#sanji x zoro#sanji x you#sanji x y/n#zoro x black reader#zoro x you#zoro x sanji x reader#sanji x black reader#sanji x reader x zoro#zoro x y/n#zoro x afab reader#lynn-writes
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SCREAMING CRYING THROWING UP JUMPING OFF A CLIFF INFRONT OF A TRUCK INTO THE SEA EATEN BY A KRAKEN I CANT TAKE THIS SHIT IM GONNA KRILL MYSELF
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Told my brother @novatheuser we should wear these when we get to the Fairly Oddbaby special
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For some reason he pointed a (empty) nerf gun at me ☹
#I WILL FIGHT ANYONE WHO SAYS POOF WAS WHAT MARKED THE DOWNFALL OF THE SERIES#BITCJ WE ARE THROWING HANDS IN THE MCDONALDS PARKING LOT NO ONE WILL FIND UR BODY#SWEETEST MOST CUTEST EPISODE OF SOMETHING I'VE EVER WATCHED IN MY LIFE HOLY SHIT THEY R A FAMILY#TIMMY JUMPING EXCITEDLY AT THE BIRTH OF POOF WHEN IN PRIOR EPISODES HE USE TO SAY HOW HE LOVED BEING AN ONLY CHILD ONCEAGAINKRILLINGMYSELF#TIMMY IMMEDIATELY CALLING POOF HIS LIL BROTHER/SISTER BEFORE HE WAS EVEN BORN LIKE HELP#THE FACT THE EPISODE PRIOR THEY HAD THE audacity AUDACITY TO SAY COSMO/WANDA AMD TIMMY R JUST FRIENDS LIKE UM THEN EXPLAIN THIS???#EXPLAIN THE ENTIRE SERIES ACTUALLY#SORRY MY LOVELY FOLLOWERS/MUTUALS BUT I AM VERY EMOTIONAL RN THIS EPISODE WAS AMAZING#my ramblings#I NEED TO DRAW THEM (has already done so)#JUGGLING UTMV. SKY AND FOP IS RUINING MY MENTAL HEALTH#it is 12am help me
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Dude you are taking all this criticism and fighting like a champ, I think I’d have dissolved in tears if I poured energy into writing and got this back from like anyone. But oh my god. Are you not tired? Like not in a derogatory way, like a genuine please take a break I’m worried for you way because I’d be exhausted dealing with half this shit but you’re still answering asks and reblogging stuff and arguing your case to people who seem determined to hate you and you are honestly a stronger soldier than I’d ever be holy shit.
Also I lowkey feel like I’m watching the dissolving of smoshblr lol, like I know we (or at least the part of it I spent the most time on (Ianthony side, although I love the amanangela people I fear I do not comprehend the amanangela people)) were kinda faltering a little with the lack of Ianthony content but dude the fucking in fighting now the fact that there’s now utilized Smosh drama tags and update accounts. Feels like literally just last month like half of active posters on smoshblr were engaging in like two truths one lie or making fun little graphs and stuff and now we’re like tearing ourselves apart
(Except I think I’m overdramatizing because I’m pretty sure literally almost every actual tumblr user is on your side and a lot of the anon hate is coming from like the same few people who came over from Twitter probably? I still think we’re definitely a community it’s just making me a tad sad lol)
But yes anyway o7 and please take a mental health break at some point, love your fics and ur writing bro.
I think I am going to take a break. I hate that smoshtwt did this to me to the point I feel I need a break. I know they'd just laugh at that. They laughed at a different heartfelt post I made before.
I was just telling a friend that at the moment I'm worried that smosh and my fics are going to get associated in my head with this bad and yucky feeling and it will ruin both for me.
I truly hope not.
It's clear most of smoshtwt hates me and jaycee feels no inch of remorse for what she did and said to me.
She says she can't control what smoshtwt does but she knew what would happen if she posted my tumblr username on her smoshtwt. She knows the community and what it's like and what they do.
I want her to leave me alone. I don't know if she's going to keep making blogs and coming back but if she does a third time idk what to do at that point.
I appreciate the support from everyone here who has supported me. I do love smoshblr but right now everything feels bad.
So, congrats jaycee and smoshtwt, I guess?
#smosh#smoshblr#smoshtwt#smoshtwt drama#asked and answered#lilac answers#if you're reading this from smoshtwt fuck off#if you're here to make fun of me just block me and walk away#go be productive#maybe write your own fic or create your own art and let someone shit all over it publicly
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y’all i need to rant about something that’s been bothering me but it’s going under a cut because it’s basically the start of an essay draft atp but if y’all wanna read my ramblings about ableist misunderstanding of teens with drug addictions press the silly button
i feel like a big reason why the “don’t do drugs because they’re bad for ur health” middle school health class shit doesn’t fucking work is that the people saying that have no idea why people get addicted
people who have never had addictions to drugs and just like society in general has this fucked up idea that “a stupid kid with no real problems tries drugs to be cool and then ruins their life over it” when that’s not how addictions fucking happen
usually it’s a person who already has a lot of trauma, mental health problems and a whole host of other very real and difficult issues. i’m an addict teen and i have never ever been peer pressured into drugs by my friends or classmates. (not saying that doesn’t happen, but that it’s played up in media while other issues are ignored) the more realistic way people get into drugs is that we already know the likely consequences at least conceptually and we do it anyway because it’s a coping mechanism that works in the moment. we use because we feel we have no other way to feel better, we don’t view it as a way to be cool or a fun thing to do
teens who get addicted, generally, know what they’re getting into and cant care because of the sense of worthlessness we already feel towards ourselves and our lives that lead to using in the first place. i knew alcohol would kill my liver before i started drinking, i know abusing prescription drugs and opiates could permanently damage my brain and that nicotine would probably give me lung cancer. i knew i had a history of both cancer and addictions in my family, but none of this mattered to me when i started using. i also knew, from every adult shoving it down my throat, that drugs can ruin your life over what’s only temporary relief and this mattered even less. when i bought my first bottle of percocet at thirteen, i couldn’t give a flying fuck about the health of my organs or the trajectory of my life. i desperately needed that “temporary relief” in order to live through a school week.
i wanna make it clear i’m not condoning drug use, and if you’re a teen in a bad situation who hasn’t yet gotten into drugs please try to avoid it as much as you can. i’m just saying that people need to have more compassion for teen addicts and all addicts for that matter, and we need better understanding of addiction. if we only look at it from a surface level and constantly villainize drugs then we are doing a terrible job at preventing addictions. (this is not a hypothetical. we are)
there’s also a major aspect of privileged ignorance to the way non-addicts talk about addiction. if you’ve never been in a situation where you needed a coping mechanism such as drug abuse, of course you won’t understand why people use. it’s similar to a point i’ve seen a lot on here, that the saying “suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem” doesn’t work in practice because it only applies to people who have the luxury of their problems being temporary at all. a lot of us do not have that privilege.
addiction and suicide often go hand in hand, but also act as a fork in the road for severely struggling teens. for a long time, the substances i was addicted to kept me alive. i chose the “temporary relief” our health teachers love to devalue and villainize over the “permanent solution” that gets similar treatment. i’m now recovering from opioid and alcohol addiction and im about two months clean. im proud to be in recovery and dont want to go back to drinking and using but i also dont regret my years of heavy drug use because i fucking survived those years by the skin of my teeth, my own strength and my drugs.
i didn’t become an addict as a barely teenaged kid because i thought it was cool, i became an addict because i didn’t know how to stay alive if i had to live with my unaltered brain and my life circumstances. nothing that was taught to me about temporary relief and liver damage and criminal records and driving laws and peer pressure could have prevented that because 1) none of it addressed any root causes of addiction and 2) going back to the suicide point, it was all geared towards privileged kids who likely wouldn’t ever be in the type of situation where their problems are temporary and unsolvable. most adults assume that all kids and teens are that lucky, especially upper middle class white adults who are absolutely ignorant to the reality that there are actually children going through tougher shit than they have as grown adults. to them, drugs are evil, kids are dumb, and life is fucking simple.
i can’t go back in time and find out what might have actually prevented my addictions but i can propose some ideas. first of all, we need to stop the ableist rhetoric that addiction is a choice. it’s a mental illness and it’s a coping mechanism. addicts are not evil. full stop, no debate. secondly, we need to offer other actual options for teens with disabilities, mental health issues, abusive home lives, etc. the hard truth is that even though drugs really can ruin your life, they are also more reliable than most school therapists. if we don’t want kids to turn to drugs (and this also goes for self harm, eating disorders, and a lot of other shit) then we need to give them a place they can turn to.
adults frame drugs, and, by extension, addicts, as “the demon plaguing our youth” when in reality their lack of support and understanding is probably the biggest cause of not just teen addiction but a lot of other mental health related problems becoming more prevalent. if your 8th grade student would rather turn to a bottle of pills than their counselor or parents then that’s not a problem with the kid and it’s not the fault of what their taking, it’s the institution that is failing to support that child.
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*TW*
Hello!!! I absolutely love platonic yanderes with teenage reader so can I ask for a fic where the teen!reader is basically a traumatized being. They have experienced hell throughout their life from mental abuse to physical abuse. Like I mean, they have gotten in many dangerous situations which ended up with police involved (kidnapped, assaulted, murder attempt). Ofc the reader never really did anything wrong, they were just an innocent child till everything went downhill. They don't have any family members left leading them to stay at an orphanage. Anddd you could say the orphanage people aren't the nicest. And their mental health has become so fucked up that they had attempted suicide.
You don't have to do this if ur uncomfortable ofc. Sorry about how triggering the request might be
On the roof
Self-Aware! Platonic! BSD Cast x GN! Teen! Traumatized! Reader
Description: You are on the rooftop in the middle of the night.
Trigger warning: Suicide attempt. Abuse. Child abuse. Kidnapping. Assault. Attempted murder.
List of Suicide hotline numbers can be found here and here.
Warning: One swear word. English is my second language.
__________________________________
You silently opened the door, that leads to the roof of an orphanage. With your phone in hand, you take a few steps forward.
The door closed behind you.
You just stand here. You were silent.
You were here. You wanted to end this.
You sighed and looked around.
Should you just... Go to the edge and jump? It's not like someone would care about you.
You didn't bother with the last note.
No one would care about the reason.
You will simply become a name in documents.
You just wanted to be heard.
You mindlessly looked at your phone.
Should you take it with you?
Or left it here, so someone else would use it?
Your gaze stopped at the "BSD Mayoi Inu Kaikitan" icon. Will the new owner delete it? Or will continue your progress?
You tapped on the icon. You didn't leave a note.
Yet, you "talked" to BSD Characters so often, that it seems right, to let them hear your last words.
Your reasons.
You opened the Main Menu and choose 'Meeting Hall' option.
The picture of ADA Office appeared. And Chibis of all BSD Characters appeared.
This new option was cute. You liked petting chibis.
All chibis 'looked' at you.
And you finally spoke.
"Mom was strange..."
________
Your mom was strange.
She smelled funny. Like water everyone told you not to drink.
Sometimes, she stared at you. Stared for a long time.
And there were rules.
1. Don't cry.
2. Don't annoy mom.
3. You eat last.
4. If you stayed past curfew, you will sleep outside.
5. Don't tell anyone about your home life.
At least, she let you play outside as much as you want. Mom liked, when you were away from home.
*******
You were five, when you got kidnapped.
That night, you wake up to get some water.
Mom saw you.
In her eyes, you broke a rule.
You were sleeping outside.
One moment you were trying to get comfortable under the porch.
Next moment a man in a mask was dragging you in a van.
Three days.
You were in a dark, scary place for three days.
On a third day you heard two men talking.
"What do you mean, that mother didn't realize, that kid were missing?!"
_____
"Still... Mom paid the ransom. Kidnappers left me. It takes three more days for police to find me..."
____
You were standing near a police officer. And your mom finally arrived to the police station to collect you.
You walked to her, your head was low.
She hit you.
You screamed.
You collapsed on the floor, and your mother bent over you. She hissed and pushed you in the side with her feet.
"Are you satisfied, brat? Get up and go pack your belongings, we’re moving to a shed."
"You should treat your kid more kindly..." the officer grumbled. Your mother squealed.
"Kindly?! This brat had ruined my whole life!” Your mom was mad. She screamed like a fury, jumped in place and gave cowering you blow after blow. You didn’t try to dodge. You just trembled, curled up into a ball.
"Hubby ran away as soon as he gets it inside me! But dear relatives didn’t let me throw it away. They didn’t let me give it to an orphanage! They said that I need to raise this child! They stood up for a little bastard! But now, when I need to pay debt, they are nowhere to be found! They say I play cards too much! I'm just unlucky! Things are not going my way! The house is mortgaged! I poured all my savings into the last card game and won! I would pay off all my debts! And because of this thing, I now have to live in a shed! What will I tell my family now?! What will others say about me?!"
Officer heard enough.
The CPS were called.
_______
"... They were trying to find my father... Until then, grandmother and grandfather agreed to took me in..."
_______
You were six.
Your grandfather sat on the opposite side of the table.
Your textbook and notebook were laying on the table before you.
And your grandfather was talking.
"I finished checking your homework. As I expected, you are a little idiot. A stupid, worthless waste of space. You have made few stupid mistakes. You wrote numbers in a wrong order.
Grandfather opened your notebook. A red paste was covering the page.
2 + 1 = 3 1 + 2 = 3
3 + 1 = 4. 1 + 3 = 4
"So..." Grandfather take a ruler.
"Give me your hand. It will be ten hits for every wrong number."
________
"...it took two year to find my father. He had a family. And I... I was a child from affair. They never let me live it down... For years"
_______
You were nine.
The blow, when it came, took all of your air out of your lungs. You would have fallen if not for your two... "siblings" holding you.
"It feels good, giving a good beating to a dirtbag, right?"
The next hit was in your left eye. You managed to close it in time.
But it will be swollen.
You felt hot breath on your face.
"Your hair is too good for a bastard child."
Your sister brought the scissors up to your hair.
Snip, snip, snip. Cutting right alongside the scalp, sending your hair like leaves swirling to the ground.
Then scissors were plunged into your stomach.
"Die, child of a dirty whore."
______
"...Police was called. They were arrested. But I remained with father and his wife..."
_____
You were twelve.
You were going food shopping. Big bags were heavy, you were tried.
You still need to clean up the house and make dinner.
When you were attacked, because someone tied to rob you, you didn't even care.
You only knew, that, you will be beaten again for being late. And for losing food.
You were long past gone. There were no point in carrying about yourself.
~~~~~~
You were thirteen.
Your father, his wife and you were going to the funeral.
Your father's uncle died.
Now he only has his wife and kids. And you.
He noticed your gaze in a reflection.
He yelled at you for staring.
And he crashed.
You spent three hours in a broken car.
You were the only survivor.
_______
"... I was sent to an orphanage. I am too old to have any chance to be adopted. And I wasn't the only one, who had no chance to have a family..."
______
You tasted dirt and blood. An old rug was thrown over your head, to make it harder for you to fight back.
Someone pressed a knee on the back of your neck and held your face against the ground.
A kick in the side made you roll on your back.
Another person began to push down on your neck with an arm.
You began to struggle, thrashing about with your legs and beating them against the floor, but it was no good.
There were other kids around—at least a dozen of them. One of them would do something. One of them was sure to see that things were taking too far. Your vision began to go fuzzy.
Caretakers saved you only because the noise didn't let them watch TV.
________
"I couldn't take it anymore. I... thank you... Thank you for making me happy... For being the only happy thing in my life."
You finished talking and put your phone on the ground. You stand up and walked towards the edge.
You heard a loud noise. You turned around.
BSD Characters were standing behind you. Real.
And you were still standing near the edge. You were silent. Nikolai lift his overcoat and put his hand into the portal.
His head reappeared near you. You jumped away. Now you were even closer to the edge.
"No... I... I don't want to... Don't come closer..." whispered you. You took another step. You were almost here.
"[Y/N], if you go back, I will give you a hug!"
You froze and turned around.
Kenji Miyazawa made a step forward. He opened his arms, offering a hug.
"I promise, I will give you a hug. Come here... You really need a hug."
You trembled. You moved towards Kenji.
Step. After step. After step.
Kenji was standing here. Offering a hug.
You launched yourself forward, wrapping your arms around Kenji. He immediately hugged you back.
You cried. For the first time in years.
In a few minutes, you were in a middle of a large group hug.
________
You are fifteen.
You are living with your family.
You still have a long path to recovery.
And you are not alone.
BSD Cast will stay with you.
And will make sure, that you will never be hurt again.
#self-awarebsd#self-awareau#bungou stray dogs au#bsd#bungou stray dogs#bsd anime#bsd x gender neutral reader#gender neutral reader#platonic#tw: sucidal thoughts#tw: child abuse#tw: abuse#tw: kidnapping#tw: attempted murder
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hi!! i saw ur take on DID programming being a conspiracy theory, and i'd like a further elaboration if that's fine with you. i'm just curious and a bit confused, since i've met numerous systems claiming to be victims of programming
Sure! It's kind of a long story, but I'll try and summarize things as best as I can.
So, back in the early 20th century, mystical types were looking at hypnosis, trancework, and even drugs as a way to retrieve memories of past lives. The idea that you could retrieve lost memories made it way into ufology communities, where people tried to remember alien abductions. It also got into actual psychology, with therapists attempting to help patients retrieve lost early life memories. There was never any real evidence that these practices actually worked the way these people thought they did, and today we know that you can get people to confabulate memories of just about anything under the right circumstances. (If you need evidence, I can show you some very obvious examples here and here.)
Edit to add: In 1952, the book The Manchurian Candidate came out. It was basically a political thriller about a guy who'd been captured by Russians and brainwashed into being their secret assassin, complete with special triggers to activate his programming and everything. This had everything to do with the US painting communism as something subversive that people were sinisterly brainwashed into. In 1962, a film adaptation was released to theaters.
In the 1950s, Dr. Cornelia Wilbur started treating her patient Shirley Mason for seeming DID. (Which, Mason did not actually have.) Dr. Wilbur was extremely irresponsible and unprofessional in general, and very notably gave Mason sodium pentothal to help her remember. (Yikes!) Dr. Wilbur would push the baseless myth that DID could only be caused by severe childhood abuse (such as SA), and push drugs and hypnosis as methods for finding said abuse if the patients didn't seem to remember it. The 1973 book Sybil was based on Wilbur and Mason.
In the 1970s, radio host, notorious prankster, and platformer of weird fringe content Long John Nebel apparently started using hypnosis on his wife, Candy Jones to try and figure out the reason for her mental health issues. Supposedly, he helped her "remember" being a CIA agent, whose alter Arlene had been trained as a spy. The 1976 book The Control of Candy Jones describes what they supposedly uncovered. Also, here's an article that talks about some of their claims, and the context around what happened.
Also in the 1970s, Dr. Lawrence Pazder (who was inspired by Sybil) attempted to find the source of his patient Michelle Smith's issues by helping her remember supposedly lost memories. Under his coaching, Smith "remembered" being abused by a Satanic cult. They didn't use hypnosis as most of us know it, but Smith was putting herself into a kind of trance. Now like, this whole book is extremely discredited. They made a lot of claims that were very easy to check, and each time somebody checked said claims, it turned out they were full of shit. Like just for one example, her school yearbook picture from the year she was supposedly being tortured by the cult doesn't show any sign of the abuses she claims she was suffering, which would have been very, very obvious.
Then in 1988, Mark Philips used hypnosis on Cathy O'Brien to help her "remember" being a mind-controlled slave for the New World Order under the CIA program Project Monarch. They published what O'Brien supposedly remembered in the 1995 book Trance-Formation of America. O'Brien claimed that she and her daughter were tortured to induce DID, with the alters being programmed to carry out specific tasks for the CIA/NWO. The whole thing was an extremely racist crock of pure conspiracy theory bullshit; it claimed, for example, that the NWO was letting Mexicans ruin America and shipping white women off to Saudi Arabia as sex slaves.
In 1994, Fritz Springmeier used hypnosis on Cisco Wheeler to supposedly uncover her memories as a member of the NWO/Illuminati. In their three books published across the mid to late 90's, Springmeier and Wheeler gave an incredibly elaborate narrative around alter programming, incorporating elements from just about every other conspiracy theory you can name. They claimed alter programming was an ancient practice developed by pagan priests, and used in modern times by a global cult that intended to enthrone the Antichrist in the year 2000. The pair of them made so many claims that are absolutely beyond ludicrous, and I posted a sample of them over here.
Basically everyone who claims that alter programming is a real thing these days is downstream of Springmeier and Wheeler, whether they realize it or not. One reason we know this is that a lot of them cite a blogger who calls herself Svali, or cite people who cite Svali (such as Dr. Alison Miller and Dr. Ellen Lacter). Svali first popped up in the early 2000s claiming to be a former Illuminati/NWO programmer. She described the same kind of Illuminati and the same kind of practices as Springmeier and Wheeler. If you need examples, here she is claiming that color, metal, and jewel programming are things. And here she is claiming Disney moves are made for Illuminati programming.
Unwelcome Ozian is another clear case of someone who's getting their material from Springmeier and Wheeler; for example, their book Chainless Slaves not only describes the same methods and styles of alter programming; it even reproduces complete paragraphs from Springmeier and Wheeler's work. Edit to add: Unwelcome Ozian's other book, Rules of Programming, reproduces material not only from Springmeier and Wheeler's work, but also from a lot of literature on topics such as abuse, cults, and self-help in general. I have a post exposing this over here.
Basically, the whole idea of alter programming/trauma-based mind control has a long, long history of medical malpractice, pseudoscience, fraud, and conspiracy theory behind it. It just doesn't take very long to start finding it once you actually start digging. Meanwhile, real evidence just never turns up, and what we do find often just flat-out contradicts these claims. Like, many people who claim to have undergone brutal tortures or major surgeries at the hands of programmers don't have the scars to show for it. The sites, tools, and costumes for the elaborate rituals described by a lot of these people are just never found.
What's very notably missing are technical manuals for the actual programming process. I'm talking about literature that fully describes the actual procedures in full, step-by-step detail, rather than the vague, suggestive descriptions you find in conspiracist literature. The fact that nothing of the sort has ever turned up anywhere you might expect it to in over seventy years is pretty damning, because this isn't the kind of thing that a bunch of random, unconnected people would just independently invent on their own.
Meanwhile, what very demonstrably does exist are therapists who still believe the in the pseudoscience and misinformation pushed by Dr. Wilbur, Dr. Pazder, etc, who will push people both with and without actual DID to try and uncover repressed memories. There are websites and articles that suggest guided imagery and hypnosis for retrieving memories you think you might have suppressed. There are hypnosis videos on YouTube that will supposedly help you recover repressed memories. We have clear cases of memory confabulation within the New Age movement, where people vividly "remember" traumatic events that very obviously never happened because they take place in non-existent places such as Lemuria and incorporate narratives from the pseudoscientific and racist ancient astronaut hypothesis.
So, hopefully this should answer things. I tried to keep this post as short as possible, but there's just a lot of history and context here. The very, very short version of this is that there are a lot of misled people who've unknowingly run afoul of 20th century conspiracy theories and psychiatric quackery.
#answered#did#did programming#alter programming#trauma based mind control#tbmc#conspiracy theory#conspiracy theories#conspiracism#conspiratorial thinking#satanic ritual abuse#sra#pseudoscience#pseudopsychology#pseudopsychiatry#ramcoa
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