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#it just makes me so frustrated
butchfalin · 10 months
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the funniest meltdown ive ever had was in college when i got so overstimulated that i could Not speak, including over text. one of my friends was trying to talk me through it but i was solely using emojis because they were easier than trying to come up with words so he started using primarily emojis as well just to make things feel balanced. this was not the Most effective strategy... until. he tried to ask me "you okay?" but the way he chose to do that was by sending "👉🏼👌🏼❓" and i was so shocked by suddenly being asked if i was dtf that i was like WHAT???? WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY TO ME?????????? and thus was verbal again
#yeehaw#1k#5k#10k#posts that got cursed. blasted. im making these tag updates after... 19 hours?#also i have been told it should say speech loss bc nonverbal specifically refers to the permanent state. did not know that!#unfortunately i fear it is so far past containment that even if i edited it now it would do very little. but noted for future reference#edit 2: nvm enough ppl have come to rb it from me directly that i changed the wording a bit. hopefully this makes sense#also. in case anyone is curious. though i doubt anyone who is commenting these things will check the original tags#1) my friend did not do this on purpose in any way. it was not intended to distract me or to hit on me. im a lesbian hes a gay man. cmon now#he felt very bad about it afterwards. i thought it was hilarious but it was very embarrassed and apologetic#2) “why didn't he use 🫵🏼?” didn't exist yet. “why didn't he use 🆗?” dunno! we'd been using a lot of hand emojis. 👌🏼 is an ok sign#like it makes sense. it was just a silly mixup. also No i did not invent 👉🏼👌🏼 as a gesture meaning sex. do you live under a rock#3) nonspeaking episodes are a recurring thing in my life and have been since i was born. this is not a quirky one-time thing#it is a pervasive issue that is very frustrating to both myself and the people i am trying to communicate with. in which trying to speak is#extremely distressing and causes very genuine anguish. this post is not me making light of it it's just a funny thing that happened once#it's no different than if i post about a funny thing that happened in conjunction w a physical disability. it's just me talking abt my life#i don't mind character tags tho. those can be entertaining. i don't know what any of you are talking about#Except the ppl who have said this is pego/ryu or wang/xian. those people i understand and respect#if you use it as a writing prompt that's fine but send it to me. i want to see it#aaaand i think that's it. everyday im tempted to turn off rbs on it. it hasn't even been a week
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inkskinned · 1 year
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at some point it's just like. do they even fucking like the thing they're asking AI to make? "oh we'll just use AI for all the scripts" "we'll just use AI for art" "no worries AI can write this book" "oh, AI could easily design this"
like... it's so clear they've never stood in the middle of an art museum and felt like crying, looking at a piece that somehow cuts into your marrow even though the artist and you are separated by space and time. they've never looked at a poem - once, twice, three times - just because the words feel like a fired gun, something too-close, clanging behind your eyes. they've never gotten to the end of the movie and had to arrive, blinking, back into their body, laughing a little because they were holding their breath without realizing.
"oh AI can mimic style" "AI can mimic emotion" "AI can mimic you and your job is almost gone, kid."
... how do i explain to you - you can make AI that does a perfect job of imitating me. you could disseminate it through the entire world and make so much money, using my works and my ideas and my everything.
and i'd still keep writing.
i don't know there's a word for it. in high school, we become aware that the way we feel about our artform is a cliche - it's like breathing. over and over, artists all feel the same thing. "i write because i need to" and "my music is how i speak" and "i make art because it's either that or i stop existing." it is such a common experience, the violence and immediacy we mean behind it is like breathing to me - comes out like a useless understatement. it's a cliche because we all feel it, not because the experience isn't actually persistent. so many of us have this ... fluttering urgency behind our ribs.
i'm not doing it for the money. for a star on the ground in some city i've never visited. i am doing it because when i was seven i started taking notebooks with me on walks. i am doing it because in second grade i wrote a poem and stood up in front of my whole class to read it out while i shook with nerves. i am doing it because i spent high school scribbling all my feelings down. i am doing it for the 16 year old me and the 18 year old me and the today-me, how we can never put the pen down. you can take me down to a subatomic layer, eviscerate me - and never find the source of it; it is of me. when i was 19 i named this blog inkskinned because i was dramatic and lonely and it felt like the only thing that was actually permanently-true about me was that this is what is inside of me, that the words come up over everything, coat everything, bloom their little twilight arias into every nook and corner and alley
"we're gonna replace you". that is okay. you think that i am writing to fill a space. that someone said JOB OPENING: Writer Needed, and i wrote to answer. you think one raindrop replaces another, and i think they're both just falling. you think art has a place, that is simply arrives on walls when it is needed, that is only ever on demand, perfect, easily requested. you see "audience spending" and "marketability" and "multi-line merch opportunity"
and i see a kid drowning. i am writing to make her a boat. i am writing because what used to be a river raft has long become a fully-rigged ship. i am writing because you can fucking rip this out of my cold dead clammy hands and i will still come back as a ghost and i will still be penning poems about it.
it isn't even love. the word we use the most i think is "passion". devotion, obsession, necessity. my favorite little fact about the magic of artists - "abracadabra" means i create as i speak. we make because it sluices out of us. because we look down and our hands are somehow already busy. because it was the first thing we knew and it is our backbone and heartbreak and everything. because we have given up well-paying jobs and a "real life" and the approval of our parents. we create because - the cliche again. it's like breathing. we create because we must.
you create because you're greedy.
#every time someones like ''AI will replace u" im like. u will have to fucking KILL ME#there is no replacement here bc i am not filling a position. i am just writing#and the writing is what i need to be doing#writeblr#this probably doesn't make sense bc its sooo frustrating i rarely speak it the way i want to#edited for the typo wrote it and then was late to a meeting lol#i love u people who mention my typos genuinely bc i don't always catch them!!!! :) it is doing me a genuine favor!!!#my friend says i should tell you ''thank you beta editors'' but i don't know what that means#i made her promise it isn't a wolf fanfiction thing. so if it IS a wolf thing she is DEAD to me (just kidding i love her)#hey PS PS PS ??? if ur reading this thinking what it's saying is ''i am financially capable of losing this'' ur reading it wrong#i write for free. i always have. i have worked 5-7 jobs at once to make ends meet.#i did not grow up with access or money. i did not grow up with connections or like some kind of excuse#i grew up and worked my fucking ASS OFF. and i STILL!!! wrote!!! on the side!!! because i didn't know how not to!!!#i do not write for money!!!! i write because i fuckken NEED TO#i could be in the fucking desert i could be in the fuckken tundra i could be in total darkness#and i would still be writing pretentious angsty poetry about it#im not in any way saying it's a good thing. i'm not in any way implying that they're NOT tryna kill us#i'm saying. you could take away our jobs and we could go hungry and we could suffer#and from that suffering (if i know us) we'd still fuckin make art.#i would LOVE to be able to make money doing this! i never have been able to. but i don't NEED to. i will find a way to make my life work#even if it means being miserable#but i will not give up this thing. for the whole world.
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dabihaul666 · 1 year
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no weeb i just wish i could cuss ppl out in jp and talk to qina and also that anticult/rightwing coverer mr jeffu and spot anti-lgbtq bullshit in every language but also literally u call urself rotten and vulgar and draw a gay fictional character ship and there's been onnagata since the 1600s OR LONGER in ur culture and there's fucking shitty stereotypes about okama in ONE PIECE and ur out here seeing fuck trans ppl theyre not real and people being gay in public or god forbid anyone mentioning anything other than cis hetero marriage with child is turning children gay and trans i hope u get the shinzo abe doohicky next!!!!!
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Novice sewing pattern: Cut out shapes. Line up the little triangles on the edges. Stitch edges together. We've also included step-by-step assembly instructions with illustrations.
Novice knitting pattern: yOU MUSt uNDerstANd thE SECret cOdE CO67 (73, 87, 93) BO44 (63, 76, 90) 28 (32, 34) slip first pw repeat 7x K to end *kl (pl) 42 * until 13" (13, 13, 15) join new at 30 pl for 17 rows ssk 27 k2tog mattress lengthwise BO and sacrifice a goat to the knitting gods. WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU WANT "INSTRUCTIONS," I JUST GAVE THEM TO YOU
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a-polite-melody · 6 months
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Considering that there’s another post going around that lands on this conclusion, I think it deserves its own succinct post:
When transmascs share instances of positivity to remind each other that the way we are treated isn’t all bad, it’s then used as proof of the whole of transmasc experiences being this way, and that transmascs are not oppressed as a whole.
When transmascs share instances of harm done to transmascs to raise awareness that transmascs are harmed directly within our societies, it’s used as proof that we are taking up too much room in conversations because the harm we face “isn’t bad enough”.
When transmascs share instances of outright murder of members of our community to show that no, transmasc issues are not somehow “lesser” because “we aren’t dying” because we are dying, it’s used as proof that we are trauma dumping and trying to make other people feel sorry for us—look at these AFABs being whiny and hysterical and trying to portray themselves as victims. Or that it isn’t specific enough to us so we should shut up and let other people speak for us.
Transmascs cannot speak about our experiences without being touted as an example of why transmascs as a whole should shut up.
This is erasure.
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999999999inadream · 1 year
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toby fox needs to add like a bit of narration in deltarune abt kris like "they themmed they/themily down the stheirs" cus i cant go on seeing them constantly get he/himmed in yt comment sections
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starkspi · 3 months
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"why, I had no part in that. you've always been this way!"
just a little something from @morningstarwrites fanfiction "of saints and sinners" which i'm obsessed with
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poorly-drawn-mdzs · 2 months
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The Quest Continues...
(part 1- part 2)
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spidehpig · 4 months
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can’t stop thinking about soap being the kind of boyfriend that takes you on arcade or carnival dates. he definitely takes all of the games WAY too seriously. absolutely smokes everyone at skeeball. probably does those stupid punching bag/hammer strength tests just to show off in front of you. he doesn’t even let you win he’s that competitive. but it’s kinda funny and endearing. he wins a TON of tickets and then gets you the biggest fucking stuffed animal they have even as you protest and tell him that you have no place to put it.
his little mohawk popping around the head of the giant puppy stuffed animal he won you boyish smile plastered on his face while he ignores your protests. you’re stuck with the thing forever now.
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magicshop · 8 months
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his smile could cure the world ♡ [for @morshiberna ♡]
cr. 0613data
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wis-art · 1 year
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Not a big fan of capitalism
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deoidesign · 29 days
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Idk who needs to hear this but time and time again isn't over!!!
Webtoon removed the "time and time again will return!!!" Banner and I don't know why, but it's not over!!! There's still another 1/3 of the comic to go! There's a lot more stuff that I'm working on and it'll be coming back soon!
Please be patient with me, I know it's been a long time... But the stuff I'm making is really good and there's a lot of reasons it's taken this long. I promise I want it back more than anyone.
I'm trying to come back around the end of October. I'm doing my best to get everything ready in time, so no promises, but I'm on track to do so! I'm just one person writing and drawing everything, and my editor was fired so I'm not even getting any notes anymore. It's literally just me. I'm doing my best I promise!
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habken · 1 month
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But it really is messed up that tenko never even had a chance. From the start he was doomed, and he was never going to be saved. All for one made sure until the very end that tenko was a pawn in his own story, how cruel is that
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lbhslefttiddie · 5 months
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youve heard of sex flowers get ready for the flower that makes you into a celestial shoujo herione complete with particle effects you cannot turn the fuck off and creates a wifebeam so powerful it can incapacitate and maim and keeps making you burst into tears and fall on your ass which makes the wifebeam More Powerful and you also cannot turn this off either. and is also still, sort of, a sex flower
from one of my favorite fanfictions, Celestial Afterglow by elanor_pam, a fic that defies description in the best possible way
#arts#shen qingqiu#svsss#listen im not saying that ive spent a cumulative half a year reading this fic and then trying to make an arts for it#and then getting frustrated and stopping because i couldn't figure out how to make sqq shimmery enough#but like. im not NOT saying that#this is the FOURTH time ive started something for this bitch it haunts my fucking dreams and yet the opalescent glittery sqq evades me#perhaps you o unlearned fool look at this and say hmm that's too many colour layers and glowy effects but oh how wrong you are#if it doesnt make you literally fall over yourself at how otherworldly and radiant he is then there is room for improvement yet#perhaps you look at this and you think Wow!!! this gives me literally NO ideas what this fic is about#well Let Me Tell You. i have no fucking idea how to summarize this fic#its not often the tags in a fic give me pause but i saw this and as i read the tags i was increasingly just like What#but i have no idea how to describe it. the tags arent NOT accurate but i was SO unprepared for what happened in like an extremely pos way#if i were tagging this i think i would give it the no archive warnings apply label if that matters to you#the author seemed they wanted to leaned towards over caution rather than risk missing anything re tags because This Is A Weird Fic#but oh my fucking god#i am gripping you by the shoulders i cannot stress enough how charming it is#brilliant characterization especially with airplane in the first scene#and also so much fucking funnier than i thought possible for the general setting summary tags and buildup#its just. ough. its good
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turtleblogatlast · 11 months
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Leo has a lot of love for his comics, constantly rereading them (mainly for the art) and overall having a lot of sentimental value for them, especially because reading them is something he likes to do when he’s just existing in a space with his family.
And then the Shredder happens. And then the invasion happens. And then life in general happens. And, suddenly, most of Leo’s comics are either too damaged to fix or gone entirely.
But it’s fine! He’s growing up, so he doesn’t need them anymore. So what if it’s one more bit of childhood lost? It’s fine - it’s fine.
Enter Mikey.
Mikey, who is so, so empathetic and cares so, so much about his family - he notices, and he decides to do something about it.
Unfortunately, most of the comics are vintage, and completely unavailable in any form but digital.
Good thing Mikey is an artist.
So over the course of a month, Mikey secretly takes the time to painstakingly recreate Leo’s favorite Jupiter Jim volume. It’s hard, matching a style like that with only grainy online scans to go off of, but he manages.
He gives it to Leo on a mundane day, out of the blue, with a sunshine smile on his face.
Now- Mikey does all this secretly.
But Leo is very, very perceptive, especially in regard to his brothers hiding things from him. So of course he finds the unfinished work in progress comic about three days in.
He does NOT cry. He doesn’t.
Just as he doesn’t cry when Mikey presents him with the finished thing, nope, not a tear in sight.
His eyes are just wetter than normal as he gives Mikey the absolute biggest hug he could possibly give.
(And if Mikey finds the fridge and pantry always stacked with special ingredients only found in specific parts of the world whenever he so much as mentions wanting to try them, that’s neither here nor there.)
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miquella-everywhere · 2 months
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Genuine question but why don’t you like Radahn?
Radahn was one of my least favorite Demigods to begin with, second only to Godrick, but I didn't hate him per se; I was just highly indifferent. I mean his lore is super cool and all, stopping the stars and being a horse guy is neat, but he was never a thought in my mind. My disinterest in him is also partially thanks to his fans, mainly the weird dudebros if you know what I mean, along with the weird community vitriol surrounding the Malenia vs. Radahn fight. And the fact that I love Miquella thusly made me a member of team Malenia by default lol
So yeah, I could have cared less about Radahn.
But now with his inclusion in the DLC my apathy towards him evolved into annoyance and anger. He has no place in Miquella's story. There was nothing about him and Miquella in the base game. I dedicated the last two years of my life cataloguing the locations of every single Lily and Butterfly, every single item description, trace or hint of Miquella in the base game to sleuth together his story and what he could have been trying to achieve going to the Realm of Shadow, and there was absolutely nothing indicating something as ridiculous as a "romantic connection🤮" to Radahn, whereas the obvious Base Game connection for Miquella sending Malenia to kill him was the fact that Radahn held the fate of the stars and needed to die to set them free.
Miquella's base game lore heavily indicated that he was trying to revive Godwyns soul with the eclipse and, naturally, the eclipse is tied to the moon. And since the "moon" is responsible for the death of Godwyn that immediately puts a connection between Miquella and Ranni. And the fact that Ranni was entrusted the spirit summoning bell by Torrents former master, ie Miquella, and that she blatantly states that she is pleased to see that Torrent is doing well, means that there was potentially no bad blood between Miquella and Ranni despite Godwyns murder.
With this knowledge and the fact that they are both Empyreans, Ranni and Miquella had a stronger claim to a relationship with each other than Radahn ever did with Miquella. Same thing regarding Miquella and Godwyns relationship thanks to Golden Epitaph, the Eclipse, and the statue of them embracing in the Haligtree.
Radahn was never even a thought because there was no relationship between him and Miquella.
So with this, logically, I and many many people theorized that Miquella was going to the Realm of Shadow to revive Godwyn and since the stars were finally freed with Radahns death, Miquella's eclipse could finally come to fruition.
But no.
The real reason behind Miquella's motives is because he wanted to marry his brother.
The stupid bottom line is, forcefully having your favorite character shoved into a "relationship" with your least favorite character at the price of their lore, story, and characterization is a sure fire way to piss anyone off.
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