#it just feels useless at best and shitty at worst

[selfship-nyx]

So many anti rq proselfship blogs :(( why is there such a chasm of people I can’t follow within the somewhat limited community of people it’s safe for me to follow as a proshipper

[not-neverland06]

wicked influence

Poly!Ghostface x fem!reader

a/n: I’ve wanted to write for Scream for forever and have never gotten around to it. Well, it’s slasher season baby! I finally have my reason. (When I tell you that this movie was my sexual awakening as a child, I mean it. That’s not necessarily good, but it’s true. )

Summary: Visiting a Halloween carnival with your two best friends doesn’t seem that bad until you reach the haunted house. You’ve never been able to explain your fear of demons to anyone before, you have no idea where it comes from. But you do know, going into a hell themed house with teenagers screaming shitty Latin at you is one of your worst nightmares. You think everything’s okay until, suddenly, your nights are filled with visits from a strange shadowy entity and you don’t recognize the look in Stu’s eyes anymore. (Part of my Halloween Palooza)

“Hey! Demons are a perfectly rational thing to be afraid of.”

Billy scoffs and rolls his eyes, nudging you further toward the haunted house. “Alright, alright, would you calm down and just move it.” You stare into the gaping jaw of the devil that serves as the entrance to the house. You know this is all just a way for people to make a quick buck. 

There’s not going to be anything in there except teenage actors and shitty SFX makeup. But that doesn’t make the looming doorway any less menacing. It doesn’t make your heart stop racing or your breathing any easier. 

Billy frowns as some people shove past you all, tired of waiting for you to move inside. They cut the line and you can’t help but be grateful. Your nails dig into your palms until you feel the warmth of blood and have to swallow down bile. 

Stu and Billy both lean towards you, varying looks of confusion on their faces. “Holy shit,” a grin breaks out on Stu’s face and he smiles widely at you. “You’re terrified, aren’t you?” He pokes you like you might be a statue, unmoving and solemn. 

You stumble back and are effectively broken out of your terrified stupor. You swat at Stu’s wandering hands and glare at him. “Shut the fuck up,” you snap. But in your anxious state, it all comes out as one jumbled mess. 

Billy lets out a disappointed sigh and gives you a funny look. “Alright, let’s just go. You’re not going in and it’s stupid to just stand out here all night.” Stu opens his mouth to argue but Billy shoots him a sharp look. You hate how sensitive they think you are. You can handle one stupid fucking haunted house. You’re not completely useless. 

Still, you practically gulp as the Devil’s eyes bore into yours. You feel like your soul is being sucked out through your feet, leaving you startlingly cold. “I,” you clear your throat, waiting until it feels strong enough to speak. “I can do this,” you grit out, sounding like you’re trying to convince yourself more than them. 

Stuf lets out a brief chuckle and Billy throws his elbow into his gut. Stu doubles over dramatically and you can’t help but laugh a little. Billy gives you a raised brow and you nod your head. “I just need a little nudge,” you mutter, glancing back at the house. 

Stu grins and creeps behind you. “I got you babes,” he tells you in a ridiculous voice. You barely have a second to process what’s happening before he’s lifting you up and practically tossing you inside. Immediately, there’s a fake chainsaw in your face and a screaming Bubba Sawyer. You stumble back with a gasp, falling into Stu’s open arms. 

“How’s that for a nudge?” Billy mutters as he brushes past you. You grab onto the back of his shirt and follow behind him. He glances over his shoulder at you with a knowing smirk and continues forward. None of the scares get him, but they get you. 

The actors catch onto that. They also catch onto how fake and dramatic Stu is. Half of them target you for a good scream and the other half avoid you because of how obnoxious he’s being. You can already tell how bored BIlly is. There’s not enough gore in here for him. 

He needs more blood splatter and fresh corpses, while you’re pleasantly surprised by the contents of the house. You’d really been dreading the demonic themes, but it seems like that’s not a huge factor. So far it’s just a few overzealous teens and some spiders on a string. 

Sure, it’s still scaring the bejeezus out of you. But there’s a difference between a quick scream and a deeply rooted phobia. 

You don’t know when this supernatural fear of yours began. Maybe your parents let you traumatize yourself with the crucifix scene in The Exorcist too young. But you know it’s been with you nearly your entire life. 

You think you’re safe, that you can just relax and let yourself have fun, then you reach the final door. The lights are flickering so hard you think you might have a seizure, but you can see enough to know what’s before you. A red, rotted door, with three upside-down nines barely hanging onto it. 

“Oh god,” you whisper and you think the boys can’t hear you. But then you feel Stu’s hands suddenly clamping around your neck and you leap into Billy with a shrill scream. Billy flinches away from the noise, turning to glare at you. 

Stu doubles over, laughing his ass off at your expense and grinning wildly at you. “Jesus, we’re not even in there yet. What is wrong with you?” He says it like a joke but you can hear the truth of it lingering. It stings, the slight cruelty in his tone. 

There’s nothing wrong with being afraid of something. Fear is healthy. The absence of fear is idiocy. You shove past Billy and turn to Stu with a mean glare. “I’m going to go in here and when I get out, I’m fucking leaving you.”

You shove the door open and take a step inside. You put on a brave face for about five seconds before you turn to see if they’ll follow you. You see just a glimpse of them before the door creaks closed. Billy is leaning against the wall, watching you with a half-amused expression. But Stu looks odd. 

That doesn’t even seem like the right word. His face is completely devoid of any emotion. He looks expressionless and you’ve never seen Stu like that before. Whether it’s for good reason or not, he’s always making a face. Right now, you don’t even recognize him. Were it not for the outfit he was wearing you would think someone else had snuck up behind Billy. 

The door is closed before you can call out to him and you find yourself plunged in complete darkness. There’s no noise for a long few moments. You can’t tell which way is the door and which is the exit. 

At first, you worry you went in the wrong direction and entered an empty part of the house. A sudden cackle breaks through the air, and you leap forward, stumbling into the wall. You can already feel your heart beginning to race. Even though you can hear the static of a speaker and you know, deep down, that it's fake, you’re frozen in fear. 

There’s a brief flash of light, just enough for you to see torn wallpaper and upside-down crosses. And something standing in the corner. “All alone?” A voice rasps and you whimper, pressing yourself up against the wall. You can’t tell if your eyes are open or closed, it’s too dark to know. You hope they’re closed. Whatever’s about to happen is going to traumatize you, you just know it. 

A door creaks behind you just as the lights begin flickering on and off. Through brief flashes of illumination, you see something running towards you. They’re screaming Latin at you, water hits your face and you begin screaming uncontrollably. Footsteps pound towards you, egging on the racing beat of your heart. 

A jarring grip lands on your shoulder and you swing out wildly. Your fist connects with something hard and you hiss in pain. There’s a brief pause where the only thing you can hear is your panting. 

“Ow!” Someone snaps, an irritated raspy voice. The lights flick on and you squint against the sudden glare, blinking rapidly to try and lessen the burn on your eyes. 

Billy and Stu stand on either side of you, astonished looks on both of their faces. A teenage boy in a shitty priest costume and red face paint stands before you. He’s rubbing his eye and cussing at you. “You fucking punched me!”

“You ran at me!” You yell back immediately, glaring at the little asshole. “I don’t think you’re supposed to touch me.”

He glares at you through one eye and points to Stu and Billy. “I didn’t!” He shouts and you flinch back, grimacing. “Your fucking friend did.” You clench your eyes shut, taking in a deep breath. Both you and Billy turn slowly towards Stu. His face is as red as the kid’s as he struggles to contain his laughter. 

“Unbelievable!” You snap at him, slapping his shoulder roughly. He jolts, narrowing his eyes down at you. 

“Hey!” He protests, “I was joking around. You’re the one that punched him.” He points the blame to you and you can’t argue. You did, technically, punch him. But it’s Stu’s fault. If he hadn’t snuck up on you, you would have just kept on screaming. You never would have touched the kid. 

In awkward silence, you walk the boy out of the haunted house and buy him a cold drink to press against his steadily swelling eye. You can see purple shining through the fading paint and grimace. He throws himself down on a wooden picnic table and sighs forlornly. 

“Thanks a lot, lady,” he mutters bitterly. Stu’s lips twitch as he watches the kid tug at his costume. You glare up at him and shove him away. He stumbles behind the table shooting you a sharp glare. You’re taken aback by the look. 

It’s not like you’ve never gotten a little pushy with him before. His love language was manhandling. But the look on his face is unrecognizable. You’d thought you’d imagined it earlier, how off he had seemed. But it’s not fake now. You’re looking it clearly in the eye and you can’t deny the truth of it. 

“I’m gonna sue,” the kid grumbles and you’re snapped out of your stare-off. You try and shake off the chilling feeling of unfamiliarity but it’s nearly impossible. You’re still wound up from the haunted house, you’re sure you’re just imagining things.

Billy shoves his shoulder and the kid falls back onto the table. “You’re not suing.”

He puffs his chest up and glares at Billy, “I could.”

Billy places his hand on the table, leaning in on the kid’s space until he’s flinching back. You avert your eyes, uncomfortable with the sudden display of dominance. Yet, you don’t stop him from bullying the kid out of a lawsuit. “You won’t,” Billy tells him, a clear threat. 

The kid gives a shaky nod of his head, but Billy still doesn’t let up. There’s a slight curl of malice to his lips, you glance over to Stu for support. His attention is rapt upon Billy, something like hunger in his eyes. You feel like you’re watching two lions corner a gazelle, you can practically see the boy’s hands trembling from fear.  

“Alright,” you clear your throat and tug Billy back by the shirt. He resists you at first and you know he only backs off because he wants to. It’s not for you. You look at the boy and give him a weak smile, “I really am sorry,” you can hear Stu laughing behind him and roll your eyes. The kid takes the drink off his eye and glares at you. 

“Yeah, whatever lady. Why don’t you take a valium or something and chill the hell out?” He gets off the bench and brushes past you, shaking his head. You glance down at your fist and hiss at the pain shooting along your fingers. The skin of your knuckles is split and aching from hitting him. 

Billy huffs out a laugh and takes your hand in his. “Really got him, didn’t you?”

“I didn’t mean to,” you argue petulantly. 

Stu finally collects himself and rejoins you both, throwing his gangly body on the wooden picnic table. “Why don’t you tell his face that?” He practically snorts, looking down at your hand and then laughing all over again. It’s really not that funny. Even Billy looks confused by his boisterous nature. 

He’s a dick, but this is a lot. You and Billy exchange a confused glance before looking back at Stu. But he’s silent now, already staring back at you both. Again, chills go up and down your arms at the empty look in his eyes. His lips are smiling, but his eyes are devoid of anything. 

“Maybe we should just go home.” You suggest, trying to keep the suspicion out of your tone. “Carnival’s a bust,” Billy exchanges one last look with you before nodding. 

“We still doing movies at Stu’s?” You desperately want to say no. Right now, all you want is to get as far away from him as possible. Earlier, with them and the kid, that’s normal. They’ve always had a bit of a mean streak when it comes to people weaker than them. 

The way his eyes are boring into you right now is anything but normal. You’ve never felt quite so uncomfortable near him, but you can’t ignore the feeling. Every primal instinct of survival is screaming at you to run, but you can’t. You can’t say no. All you do is nod, tongue glued to the roof of your mouth. Stu’s eyes brighten slightly at your words, but it’s still nothing compared to how it should be. 

You get ahead of Billy, not wanting to walk next to Stu. All you need is a good night’s sleep and you’ll be over this whole thing. Still, you can’t shake the feeling of too many eyes lingering on you as you make the trek to the car. The wet straw beneath your feet swallows the sounds of your steps and you try not to be discomforted by the quiet. It’s a carnival, where did all the people go?

The black-and-white static of the TV is the only thing to illuminate the room. It shines upon your face, makes it so you can only see in that square of light. You assume Billy is on the ground, passed out. And Stu is probably curled up in the overstuffed armchair. 

Yet, you can’t look. As much as you try to crane your neck, try and find some comfort in their presence, you can’t move. Your body is pinned down by a weight you can’t see, only feel. This isn’t sleep paralysis. It’s like being held down by someone stronger and bigger than you. 

You have no control over your body. You have no control over anything. Your breathing kicks up, coming in short panicked bursts. Your eyes roll around wildly, trying to find something, anything, to focus on. 

You find yourself depressingly devoid of any distractions. Until a shadow creeps along the ceiling. At first, you think it’s just your eyes playing tricks on you. Like when you stare at one spot in the dark for too long and start to see impossible shapes. 

But this is different. No matter how many times you blink or look away, it keeps moving. You whimper as it crawls over you. It dangles from the ceiling. You see nothing, only feel its eyes on you. There is no clear shape lurking within it, just malevolent malice. 

It drops down behind the arm of the couch and you open your mouth to scream, hoping to wake one of the boys. Nothing comes out but a strangled gasp of air. You struggle for noise but the more you try, the harder you find it to bring air in. 

Your eyes swim as you go lightheaded. You almost miss the tendrils creeping over the fabric of the couch. You almost don’t see it covering your feet. You wish you had missed it. You wish you just closed your eyes and never opened them again. But it’s like something is keeping those pried open too. 

You can’t feel your legs. That’s the weight. It’s not someone holding you down. Your body is completely limp. It’s as though your bones were replaced with metal, you’re sinking so far into the cushions they’re rising around you. Even your fingers are too heavy to twitch. 

You begin to feel it in your head, a sudden sinking feeling as it tips further and further back. Soon, you can only watch the shadow through your peripheral. Cold terror washes over you and fills your veins with something ill. 

It covers your legs like a veil, slithering on them. Your thighs shoot apart and the blanket goes flying across the room. You can only let out a choked whimper as it dives between your parted limbs. 

You shoot up with a gasp, sunlight peers through Stu’s living room windows, filling the room with much-needed warmth. You glance down, fisting the blanket and tugging it up to your chest in relief. Your heart is still racing and there’s sweat caked along your neck. But you can move your body freely again. It must have just been an awful nightmare. 

You glance to the side and nearly scream. Stu lounges in the armchair, Billy’s still asleep on the ground. Stu stares right at you, empty eyes, wide smile. “Good dream?” he inquires, but the tone of his voice tells you he already knows the answer. 

You swallow, fighting the sandpaper feeling of your throat and shaking your head. “No,” you croak, afraid to speak much louder than a whisper. 

His smile widens and you feel your head feeling heavy again. “I love a good nightmare,” he admits, like it’s an awful secret. He leans back in the chair and turns towards the TV, mindlessly flicking through the channels. 

With his gaze off you, you glance down and pull the waistband of your shorts down. You swallow down your tears and bile. Your underwear, like you feared, is gone. You glance towards Stu and narrow your eyes at the back of his head. You have an idea who took them.

Your parents are out of town for the week. Normally that means Billy and Stu infesting your home like pests. They’re being oddly evasive when you call, though. Not that you’re complaining. You haven’t been interested in being around Stu since the carnival. 

He makes you feel unsafe. As much of a dick as he could be, never, have you ever feared him before. But you do now. You’re terrified of him. Even thinking about him makes you want to get up and check your closets for unwanted intruders. 

However, as much as his absence is a relief, it brings with it its own problems. Nothing with Stu can ever be easy, can it? 

You keep having the same nightmare. Except each night it gets closer and closer. You feel more of it than you ever want to. They’re turning into uncomfortably sexual dreams. You wake up wet and without any underwear. You can’t blame Stu for that when he’s not even in your house, though. Which leaves you fucking petrified when you wake up. 

Because you know, deep down, you know someone wasn’t in your house. Something was, though. A heavy presence lingers over you during the day and makes you terrified to walk around the open spaces of your home. You’d lock yourself in your room all week if you could, but even that doesn’t feel safe. 

The door slams behind you and you jolt forward with a scream. You stare at your backdoor with a horrified expression, glaring at it like it might start talking and reveal its secrets. Your house is old, there’s nothing odd about doors occasionally closing on your own. 

Except, that hadn’t been open. You’ve kept it firmly locked all week, terrified of a possible home invasion. You need to stop watching scary movies on your own. 

You pull your knees into your chest, staring at your door until you’re satisfied it’s not going to slam shut again. Slowly, you turn back towards your TV and keep watching the only good sitcom you could find at this time of night. 

The second you let yourself get comfortable, however, you hear your bedroom door upstairs slam shut, followed quickly by rushing footsteps. Your eyes widen in terror and you mute your TV, glaring up at the ceiling and hoping you just imagined it. 

Footsteps behind you, running across the linoleum. You whip around, nearly shrieking when you spot something black darting into your pantry closet. You scramble for the phone beside you. You slam 911 into the keypad and press it against your ear, keeping your eyes riveted on the pantry closet. 

There’s a steady beep on the other end. The line’s dead. Someone cut your phone line. That’s okay. You can work with that. You can beat something real, but you’ve got no hope against something otherworldly. 

You stand slowly, unmuting the TV so the laugh track will cover your movements better. You creep towards your linen closet, reaching for the bat your dad keeps in there for this very reason. He’s got different weapons placed all over the house and you blame him for some of your paranoia. But right now, you’re eternally grateful for the protection it’s providing you. 

You slip into the kitchen, sliding quietly across the tiles on your socks. You position yourself behind the pantry door, your hand shaking as you reach for the handle. Just as you rip it open, the lights go out. 

You scream wildly, waving the bat around with as much force as you can, hoping to just hit something solid. Glass crashes against the floor and you feel the bat connecting with something. The lights flip back on and your mother’s vase is shattered along the ground. There’s no sign of the intruder and you think you might throw up when you hear more footsteps upstairs, two sets this time. 

But then someone darts through the living room, another flash of black before they’re gone. Three? How are you supposed to handle three?

Something titters behind you, bordering on a giggle, and you whip around, bat waving through the air recklessly. No one was there, no sign anyone was. And there’s no possible way for you to have missed them running past you. There’s nowhere to go or hide. 

You think of the shadow you’ve seen in the closet and the lights flicker like they’re agreeing with you. The thing that’s been haunting your nightmares, it’s in the house with you. The lights flicker again and your stomach drops to the floor. Your heart is in your throat as you hear your voice chanted from upstairs.  

It’s like staring at the Devil’s eyes at the circus again. You feel like there’s something being taken from you. You feel cold, empty, like you’re missing something you need. Something’s toying with you. Making you it’s twisted little plaything. 

You can feel the tears clawing their way up your throat. The call of your voice gets louder and louder until it feels like it's being screamed straight into your ears. You want to run, want to fight, want to do anything but stand here and you can’t. 

You can’t move. It’s just like your dreams. Your bones are metal and you are stuck. There’s a rough shove to your back, though you don’t feel physical hands on you. And then someone’s moving you, your legs are puppeteered as you’re directed up the stairs. 

You stub your toes on every step, crawling up them like a child learning to use them for the first time. Every time you slow down or try and stop, you’re dragged forward again. Your bedroom door creaks open and warmth carves its way down your cheeks. 

You stumble inside, the bat thudding to the floor as your hand goes limp around the handle. You want to call out to the entity, but your jaw is wired shut. You stand in the middle of your room, sobbing and terrified and completely alone. 

Your closet door slowly creaks open and you brace yourself for the worst. Billy comes flying out, shouting nonsense at you as you scream until your throat feels bloody. Stu follows behind him, ripping off his stupid mask and giving you a wide-eyed look. 

You crumple to the floor, covering your head and crying as you come down from the fear that you are being haunted. Stu kneels before you, hands gentle as they take your arms away from your head. 

He looks like Stu now. He looks like the boy you grew up with. His eyes are full of worry as he pushes wet strands of hair off your cheeks. “Hey, hey, alright,” he tugs you into his chest and you throw your arms around him wildly. You cling tightly to him, taking in heaving breaths and trying to find some comfort from his touch. 

“You fucking dicks,” you sob into his sweater. “I thought I was going to die.”

Billy scoffs as he stares awkwardly behind him. “Yeah,” he mutters bluntly, “I can tell.” He watches you cry for a little while longer before he gets irritated. “Hey, this was supposed to be fun. Would you lighten up?”

You suck in a deep breath, astonishment at what he just said temporarily stopping the tears of terror. You rip yourself away from Stu, ignoring the way his hands linger. “Excuse me?” You demand, glaring up at Billy.

He shrugs, “It was just a prank, chill out.”

You scoff, taking in a sharp breath and nodding your head. “Right, no, you’re right. It’s not like my friends used my biggest fucking fear against me!” You shout, shoving him backward. He stumbles into the corner of your desk and you glare at him and Stu. 

“You’re horrible fucking friends, you know that.” You storm out of your room and pause at the top of the stairs. They linger in your doorway. Stu looks like a kicked dog and Billy looks like he’s about to blow the hell up. 

“I don’t even know how you guys pulled all that shit off, but fuck you.” You give them both an astonished glare before shaking your head and going back down the stairs. “I hate you,” you scream, your voice shrill and full of uncontrollable rage. 

Billy almost follows after you, probably to give you a shit apology and then let everything smooth over naturally. But he stops, foot hovering over the top of the stairs. He glances back at Stu and frowns, “What the hell did you do?” Stu gives him a confused look and Billy glares. “She wasn’t supposed to be terrified for her life, fuckwad. What the hell did you do to her?”

Stu shrugs and gives him a too-wide grin and for the first time, Billy finds himself disturbed by his friend. “Magician’s secret man, cannot, will not tell.” He zips his mouth shut and tosses the key, winking at Billy. Billy gives him a disgusted scoff and follows after you. They can hear you ranting in the kitchen, slamming your drawers shut, and shouting vile insults at them. 

Stu watches Billy go down the stairs, his smile slowly fading from his face. Something dark passes over Stu’s face, something wicked, something unnatural. Perhaps it was all just a trick. 

Or maybe that kid’s Latin wasn’t so fake after all. 

end. — I do not own the characters or the movie Scream, but this writing is my own all rights reserved © not-neverland06 2024. do not copy, repost, translate & recommend elsewhere.

[iskandersmuts]

Diplomat's Party

Male Reader x Yuna

Tags: Smut, Yuna Smut, Sex, Blowjob, Creampie

My first attempt. I will be thankful with some feedback with anything.

1

Breathe in. Breathe out.

You see the man on the mirror. That’s you inside the bathroom talking to yourself for gaining courage. “You can do it.” You say. “You did this for the last year.” Finally, you hide again in one of the bathroom’s cabinets. One more time breathe in and breathe out. Is just matter of endure this feeling three more hours.

You leave the bathroom and start counting the hours. Right now is nine o’clock. You can leave freely this party at midnight. As your boss always says “Your job at parties is like being a Cinderella. You arrive show the best you have and before the worst parts of you appear you leave. Nobody wants to know how cool or shitty you are when you are bored or even worse drunk. So no one of you, the diplomats, can show that side. Remember we are representing a country.” He is right we can’t show some parts of ourselves.

But these parties are actually a pain in the ass. The most of the people are here for work. They are not resting. They are not having fun. They are trying to get some confidential information that will help their own interest or the interest of their countries. Is like an international convention of ass lickers, brownosers or whatever you call it. They gather together and start talking about nonsense: “Did you hear about that African president lecturing Macron about colonialism?” or “Did you see what this Bukele did with the cryptocurrency?” You just can’t say. “Of course, dumbass you know that every ass licker here read the same Foreign Affairs subscription that you read.” You just say whatever thing they also know “Yeah and it seems that IOSCO now has a project bill for cryptocurrency.” And then the questions start. “Do you have any notices on the votes of the draft resolution of the injunction… and blah blah” Just things that nobody cares about. Two years ago, you pleaded your boss to let you assist to this kind of events. And now is your third time a week in these events. You would prefer getting a massage with hot stones in your balls right now. But not everything is bad. In this field: the diplomacy. You must be really lucky to find a friend. And you were really lucky, your honest friend is Diego an Argentinian diplomat.

2

In this party at Lotte Hotel Diego does a sign asking you to leave the building and go to the yard. Both of you get outside and start talking.

“Dude, did you hear the big news?” Says Diego.

“Diego if is a diplomat thing I really don’t want to talk about that right now.” You say with your voice showing boredom.

“No is not that kind of thing. You know me. I don’t like to talk about that stuff too. Is about the party of tonight.”

“What? Someone find out about those two gay diplomats that are in a relationship?” You ask.

Diego laughs. “No not that. Something interesting. Korea has changed the main event of tonight!”

“That means that I’m not going to hear the fat lady singing AGAIN the fucking Madame Butterfly.” You say.

“Yes. And also, as they were looking for something new. Moon Jae In used his trick up his sleeve and contracted a kpop group.”

“WAIT WHAT? WHO? TELL ME!” You say almost shouting.

“Is a girl group. JYP…”

“Fucking Twice is coming? Oh my god! Really?”

“No not Twice a bit younger.”

“NMIXX? But they have few songs!” You say complaining.

“Not that younger.”

“ITZY? ARE YOU FUKING KIDDING ME?!”

“No. No. It’s for real. They are coming.”

You guessed correctly.

And now you are thinking: Finally, something good happened on these useless parties. And you are smiling in a weird way. You know is weird because Diego told you. And then you use your experience of these years to act the best you can. As a diplomat you can’t be a crazy fan even more as you are here actually “working”.  

3

The girls finally arrive. All guests are invited to gather and enjoy the show. Itzy is on the scene they greet everybody. You notice that they are not cheerful as they are in concerts of world tours. They are trying to be mature. They start with “Dalla Dalla”. You resist the urge of fanchant with the song. When they end nobody claps. For the awkward situation they start immediately another song. It happens the same nobody claps or even cheers.

This situation reminds you the footage of Red Velvet presenting at North Korea. The public were all quiet. This was the same. These boring diplomats don’t celebrate anything. Yeji as the leader announces that they are going to perform the last song. “Cheshire”. You want to fanchant so bad. But you can’t. They nailed the last song; the others were good too. But in this song, you see that they are trying their best as is their last song and till now they didn’t get any response from the public. When the song ends you don’t resist the urge and you start clapping. The people around you look at you as a weirdo. But then Diego joins you and other Koreans too. Then everybody is forced to do it. You look at them. All the girls are smiling. You keep clapping and you stand up.

“That was nice, girls” you shout.

This time just some of the other guests joins. And the rest of them just look at you and the others as weirdos.

This moment was definitively the most memorable. Because you see the girls looking at the few ones clapping while smiling. They finally thank everybody and leave the scenario.

4

You start walking around the party just remembering the faces of the girls when they saw you clapping. Their expressions. They are shocked at first. They look at you and then start smiling. It was a rough night for them. But you did the night a little bit easier for them.

Now just some minutes till midnight. You made your job and you saw Itzy you deserve a fucking drink. So, you start walking towards the bar.

“Look that old geezer is trying to dance” Says someone.

You notice that this is the voice of a woman.

You laugh.

Someone appears in front of you looks you directly inside the eyes and says. “Are you laughing at us?”

You are caught off of guard. “No sorry I didn’t mean that. Is just that no one here uses that kind of word ‘old geezer’” You look at her face trying to know his name. “Omo. Sorry Chaeryeong-shi. I really didn’t mean to make fun of you.”

Chaeryeong looks at you. “Do you know my name? Finally, I thought nobody here knew who we are.” She pauses and continues. “And don’t worry I’m pretty sure that Ryujin-unnie doesn’t care if you laugh or not, right, unnie?”

“You are pretty damm right, Chae.” Says Ryujin. “Is just that the old geezer…” You start to laugh again while she continues. “looked really hilarious when he started dancing.”

You see that behind both, Ryujin and Chaeryeong, are the other members of the group. You are internally jumping so hard that maybe your head will hit the roof. But you try to keep your composure. “Nice to meet you all of you.” You look at your watch is just past midnight. Fuck it you are not “working” anymore. “I’m really a big fan of yours.”

The other girls gather around you when they see that you are talking with Ryujin. They stand up beside you. There it is Yuna with her scenary outfit.

While you are looking at her you try to avoid looking at her chest. Or at least pretend that you are not doing it. She is using baggy pants. You wanted to look her legs too. That’s too bad. But you are lucky enough to look her perfect flat belly. When she sees you, she just smiles at you. The other girls as Yuna are wearing also an scenary outfit all of them have a blue or sky blue piece. But Yuna is the one that caught your eye.  

“You are not from here, right?” Asks Ryujin. Yeji gives a little slap on Ryujin’s arm. She is the leader indeed.

You are thinking. Thanks Ryujin. You saved me. I owe you one. It was getting weird because I was looking Yuna for too long.

“Yes yes. I’m not from here. I’m a diplomat assigned here at Korea, Ryujin-shi.”

“You are a diplomat?” Asks Lia. “I always thought that diplomats were old men.”

You answer. “Well the ones that appear on television they are. And maybe as they are the most known for the public you think that. But actually in my country if you do the right things. You can start as a diplomat at 23 years old.”

“Yeah you look kind of young. But here the most of them are old geezers.” Says Ryujin. You laugh. “I thought that the reason why nobody clapped was that they are old geezers. But maybe is because they do what you do.”

“Well. Yeah the most of the times the show is a snob thing. Like opera or traditional theather.”

Ryujin interrupts you. “What thing? What did you say?”

Yuna starts laughing. You answer Ryujin. “See your maknae here knows what I said. Yuna-shi would you mind explaining her?”

Yuna looks at you. Doubtful starts speaking. “Snob is like people that likes fancy things just because they want to be different. Right?” She looks at you.

You are melting. The eyes of your Itzy’s bias are looking right at you.

“Yeah… Is just like that, Yuna-shi.” You answer. “The people here like that kind of things. Kind of unique or least popular. The people around here think that the things that they are discussing are the most important things ever. They are so full of themselves.”

“And… You are here... So, you too?” Asks Yuna looking you again.

You smile. “I hope I don’t. Maybe I would be just like them if I answer that. How about you discover if I’m like them.” You look at Yuna.

In your head you ran the entire place 10 times. You are flirting with Itzy’s Yuna. You are nervous as fuck.

“We’ll see. Then.” Answers Yuna and grins.

Yeji looked what happened. Actually, the whole girl group watched you flirting with their maknae. Yeji stands between you and Yuna and starts shaking your hand. “You are the one that clapped for us, right? Let me thank you for that. We’d like to stay around but we actually just came here for a personal matter. We are going to the bar. It looks like you are about to leave this party, right?”

Her words weren’t even smooth. You were clearly kicked out. “Is that true? I see. Well, thank you for greeting me.” You say trying to sound as polite as you can. “Well maybe I should go…”

What you were saying is interrupted by Yuna holding Yeji’s arms with her hands. She starts pouting. “Unnie, please.”

Yeji’s answer is silence pretending Yuna said nothing. Yuna starts pouting again. “Yeji unnie, please. Besides he is a Midzy, right?” Yuna looks at you.

“Yeah. As I said I’m a big fan.” You add.

When Yeji says nothing again. And you think this is lost. Yuna uses his final technique her little kitten face. He is pleading looking directly at Yeji. Just as Pussy in boots in Shrek. You don’t receive fully the little kitten face but you see it by the side.

Fuck. You are willing to give your house if she asks you doing that face. And you start wondering why the governments and international organizations spent so much money training people like you to end wars. When probably all they need is the Yuna’s little kitten face. Dam even if she asks Putin to end the war. Will he say no?

Yeji tries to avoid her face or maybe just look at the others trying to find an answer. Ryujin just shrugs like saying I don’t care. Lia and Chaeryeong that were looking Yuna’s little kitten face just nod. Yeji sighs and says. “Fine. He can come.”

“Yaaaaaay” says Yuna. She takes your arm and pulls you to start moving. Then she releases so you can follow them.

That expression that she just used was the bubbliest yet the most attractive you’ve ever seen. And she touched you. You can die right now. You start walking behind them. You just can’t help and you take a peek at their asses. Ryujin has a really bubbly ass. Chaeryeong has the largest one and seems like is not that soft because has muscles around. Lia has the softest one like you can sleep there. Yeji has a cute butt. And finally, Yuna has a bubbly cute ass. She is using baggy pants but her butt can be noticed trough them.

While walking Yuna turns lightly her head to you to ask you. “Hey Mr. Diplomat how old… are you?” She paused because she noticed you looking her ass. You were caught in fraganti so you just looked at her and smile. “Well mmmmm… I’m actually 25 years old. International age I mean.”

After you answer Yuna says something to Yeji. Yeji also turns her head to you. Look at you and nods to Yuna.

All of you finally arrive at the bar. Ryujin asks for champagne for everybody including you. She didn’t ask any of you. She just ordered. Yeji slaps her arm. “Ryujin yaaa. Why do you always do that?”

Ryujin answers. “It doesn’t matter. All of us were going to drink that anyway. Right?”

You see around and everybody is nodding. It seems that the dominant Ryujin you see trough tv screen is actually a dominant Ryujin in real life.

“Let’s make a toast. Raise your glasses” Says Yeji. And by looking at the girls and you she is ordering you to do it. Everybody raises their glasses. “Our schedule didn’t let us to celebrate properly the birthday of our beloved maknae. Yuna we all love you.” At the end of this sentence. You start nodding hard. Yeji got quiet and looks at you. All the girls look at you too and then laugh. You blush. “Anyway…” Yeji continues. “Apparently everyone gathered here LOVES you Yuna. Happy Birthday.”

The girls take turns to hug Yuna. First Yeji, then Ryujin. You notice that everyone gets closer and say a few words in Yuna’s ear. When is your turn you gather all the courage in your body and swallow the nervousness and try to look cool.  You hug her and whisper in her ear. “Is true indeed that everybody here loves you. Happy birthday. I wish you have a good time tonight.” She grins and whispers in your ear. “Well, you can help me to have a good time tonight.”

Shit. You think. I felt her chest during that hug. And now she says this I really can’t control my excitement.

And actually, you got hard down there. While you were hoping she didn’t notice it the hug ends and she looks down like looking for something.

It seems like she felt it.

Then the girls sited around the bar and ordered drinks. You took place beneath Yuna. She leaned on you.

“Oppa…” She says and you got surprised.

“Oppa?” You ask inmediately interrupting her.

“Yes you are older than me you are my oppa, right?” She questioned.

“Well yeah I can be your oppa if you want.”

“Nice. I want to ask you something. Can i?”

“Okay. But if is something that I can’t say because of my work please don’t use your little kitten face against me. I will give in and next thing will be that I’m fired.”

She laughs. “My what?”

“Ah I named your pleading face to Yeji-shi before as ‘little kitten face’”

“Because of Shrek?” She asks.

She gets me.

“Yeah. I just love that movie. But continue. Go ahead”

She continues “Anyway I’m not going to ask you something difficult, oppa. I just want to know what should I drink? I don’t have too much experience with that.”

“You are 19 now, right? What have you drinked before? and what did you like or not?”

“Well obviously soju. At first, I didn’t like it. But then I was into that. But tonight, I want something fancier.”

“You are lucky. As this is diplomat’s party. I think this bar has international beverage too. Have you heard about pisco?”

“What?! What is that?”

“Is alcohol is made from grapes: the green ones. And well is nice when you drink it with lemon and other stuff. The beverage is called pisco sour.”

“Well why not. Today I’m celebrating my birthday. If I pretend today is my birthday. This is my first time having 20 years. So today is the day of first times!”

“That’s the attitude!”

“Two pisco sours, please.” You ask to the bartender.

The bartender hands you two glasses. And you hand one to Yuna.  

She sips. “This is like lemonade, right? Just at the end I can taste some alcohol. Is not that strong.”

You nod. “So did you like it?”

“Yeah, kind of.” Answers, Yuna.

5

A couple of glasses later you and Yuna are talking.

“You know what?” You start “I think diplomat’s life and idol’s life have something in common.”

“Why do you think that?” Asks Yuna.

“Well, your life is kind of controlled by someone: your company. In my case the embassy. I’m living here in this country just to work. And also, our opinions can’t be radical. Do you remember that time where Tzuyu waved her flag? The… Taiwanese flag?” Yuna nods. You continue “She apologized then. That means that no idol can give political opinions, right? Well, I can’t neither. I can’t say Taiwan is a country or say what I think about any president or government out loud.”

“Well… Yeah, It makes sense. So, you can’t hang out at parties too?”

You are so into this subject. “Well, if something happens like a drunk fight or something like that. I’m fucked up. Because in the headline will appear ‘The diplomat of this country got drunk and…’”

Suddenly Ryujin hugs you from behind and asks you. “Hey, since when Yuna is your bias? Have you fapped to her photos?”

You blush and start stuttering. “I-I-I D-d-d-didn’t do that!”

Ryujin laughs. “Mr. diplomat knows how to be cute!” She pinches your cheek. Then she says looking at Yuna. “Hey if you don’t achieve nothing with him. I’ll ask his number.”

Yuna hit Ryujin’s arms. “Ryujin-yaaaaa.”

You look at Yuna. “Achieve something?” You ask.

Yuna blushes a little bit. “Well did you remember before when we were walking to the bar? When you were… mmmm… looking my ass?”

You almost spit the pisco sour. Ryujin laughs. “It seems like Mr. Diplomat likes to stare asses. Did you peak mine too?”

Fuck Ryujin is so straight when she talks. This can’t be a mess. You must apologize. You think.

“Ammm… I do. Sorry.” You apologize.

“So who has the best one?” Ryujin asks you.

This brat knows how to make you nervous.

“Y-y-y-yuna” You answer stuttering.

“Well, I give up, Yuna. Mr. Diplomat is in love with you. I don’t get him. Everybody’s favorite is my ass or Chae. I’m leaving it to you.” Ryujin says while walks out to join the other members.

“Really?” Asks Yuna looking at you.

“Yeah. You are my favorite in everything! My ultimate bias.” You shout.

Fuck. It seems I’m really drunk.

Yuna stares at you and doesn’t say anything.

You blew up. She probably isn’t looking for a fanboy. You shouldn’t have drunk too much.

But she caught your arm and walks with you. You just follow her. “What happened, Yuna?” You ask.

She looks at you and keeps walking. “Today is the day of first times.”

She is leading you to the bathroom. She enters and locks the door.

You are in disguise. What to do now is pretty obvious but is Yuna so you are doubtful.

Before you decide anything Yuna kisses you.

Fuck. Is the best kiss you ever had. So this is how it feels when you kiss someone you really really like. Is like an explosion. Like there was nothing and then a big bang.

The kiss breaks. “Did you like it?” Asks Yuna.

You don’t answer just kiss her again. The sensation is something different. Like you can be here forever. But the night was just starting.

Yuna starts touching your back while kissing you. Then your chest. Your neck. She stops. “You don’t want to touch me?” She looks directly in your eyes.

“No, no. Is not that. Is just I didn’t want to ruin the kiss.” You say.

“Oppa. You know what are we doing next, right? I know you are not so innocent!” She says. And starts kissing you again.

Now you touch her. Her neck, her back you go down. Her delicious ass is being groped by your hands. You lean her closer to you by pressing her butt.  

You start kissing her neck. “Yuna. You are so beautiful and cute. Your mouth, your face, your ass.” You press your hands in her butt harder. She just moans “Mmmmmm….” But then she speaks. “I can feel your dick poking my abs. Just like before when you hugged me.”

You press her butt stronger. So, she can feel it more. Then you lift her up by grabbing her legs and kiss her neck again. “Mmm… I want to see your tits, Yuna.” While being in the air she manages to take off her blouse. You see her lingerie and anxiously you start kissing around her tits. While she is trying to untie her bra. Finally, you receive in your view her heavenly boobs. Her nipples are totally pink and are like inviting you to suck them.

This is the best feast I’ve ever had.

You kiss and lick her tits while the only response from Yuna is “Mmmm.” When you left her legs touch the ground, she kisses you again and she kisses your neck this time. Now she is trying to get your formal shirt off. You start undressing yourself. She kisses your neck and starts going down till she is in front of your crotch. She is in her knees.

“Mmmm… I want to know if you are a big fan as you said.” She touches your crotch. And starts undressing your pants. Then she just puts down your boxers.

Your dick is hard as never was. When she puts down your boxers your cock jump off and slaps Yuna’s face. She looks at you and then stares your cock.

“It looks that you were right. You are the biggest”

Then she starts stroking. You just moan.

“I thought you said it was first times’ day.”

“Yes oppa. This is my first time with a foreign guy and my first time sucking cock big like yours”

She starts licking the tip of your cock.

“Oppa I’m starting to doubt if this can fit in my mouth.”

“Let’s find out.” You say. She nods and starts putting it in her mouth.

First the tip and then she tries to push deeper. Her mouth is full but there is plenty of dick left. She starts moving. You can’t deny that you had better heads before. But… She looks at you while sucking you. Then you are aware again that the one sucking you off is Itzy’s Yuna. So, you start to feel better. Fuck you could say that you are even about to cum. You caught her head with your hands and start pushing.

“Fuck Yuna. I can feel your throat!”

She just says “Mmmm mmmm” as she can’t talk.

“I’m going to cum. Fuck. Fuck.”

You start cumming and you relax the grip on her head. And she frees. Some of the cum goes in her face.

“Mmmm… You are rough, oppa. I like that.” She picks some toilet paper of the bathroom to clean her face. “But you know what this is only starting. I want that big thing inside me now.”

She starts unbuckling her pants and puts it down and also her underwear at the same time. She has a shaved cute pussy and is already wet.

“Oppa, fuck me.” She says and then she bends and you have a total view of her ass. That beloved ass.

“You want me to fuck you?” You spank her.

“Aah. Yes, oppa. Fuck me with your cock!”

You grin and start to play with your dick around her pussy. “Oppa, just fuck me already!” She says.

You put your cock inside her. And you feel tightness. You haven’t feel something like this before. “Yuna you are so tight!” You say. And try to go deeper. “Fuck Yuna really I’m not lying you are too tight!”

“Mmmm… No oppa is just that you are too big. Just keep going. Mmmm…”

You start going deeper in a slow pace. Finally, you get to get your full dick inside. Yuna is moaning already. “Yuna, prepare yourself”

“Whaaaaaaa… aaah… mmm… mmm” She starts moaning. You are slamming her in a rapid pace. And then she says “Cumming aaaah” You don’t slow down. And then she shouts again moaning again but this time her legs start to shake. But you don’t slow down.

Fuck you’ d love to see Yuna’s cumming face. But right now in exchange you have a full view of her cute butt and her pussy while your cock enters and disappears. She is moaning so hard.

“Aaaaah… Oppa. I love how you fuck me. You are really deep into me.” She says.

And is true is almost like your tip is kissing her womb. This tightness is almost like her walls are never letting you go. Like their insides are sucking you up. Is this heaven? The pleasure right now is out of this world.

While dreaming off, it happens you cum inside her. Fuck you really fast up the pace because now you are out of breath. Yuna stands up looks at you smiles and kisses you. “That was one of the best orgasms I’ve ever had. And really orgasms because it happened multiple times” Yuna says. “You are special and fuck you cummed so much”. At the moment white liquid starts to drip from her crotch.

Suddenly the door sounds. There are lots of knock knock and then a voice: “Yuna we need to leave now. They found out about the manager bribed. We will be waiting for you on the car outside.”

You look to Yuna. And she starts explaining. “Have you heard anytime about Itzy joining a party where they were having a show. Or have happened ever that the last entertainment show joins the party in your diplomat events?”

“Well… Being honest I never heard of that. And that never happened. I don’t remember that the fat lady singer ever joined the party after her show.”

“Yeah. That’s what’s normal. But we bribed our manager to tell JYP we were already at the dorm and we sneaked into the party.”

“So you weren’t invited to the party? And wait did you lie to Jyp?” You ask.

While this conversation was made Yuna started dressing up. As you see it you start looking for your clothes too.

Yuna answers “Yeah, that’s why we were just in the bar. I mean we didn’t want to catch too much attention. And also, we were with our stage clothes if we were invited, we probably were wearing some fancy dresses or something like that. And yeah, we lied to Jyp. He is nice but sometimes he is just a pain in the ass. You know if it was for him, I’ll be virgin even now.”

“Well yeah if you had gone to the main saloon, you probably had caught more attention. Then I must be really thankful for that bribe because if that wasn’t happened, this wasn’t happened.”

“Yes, oppa. And also, is thanks to Yeji. When you looked my ass, I was asking Yeji if I can be with you and she nodded. But sadly, I must say bye now. I really want to have another meeting with you and that big thing of yours.” She kisses you and continues. “and maybe we can try other things. You know Ryujin says that anal sex is way better than normal sex. But I don’t know maybe I need to experience it by first hand.” She hands you a piece of paper.

“Is your number?” You ask like pleading.

“Aww you can be a cutie pie too. Yes, it is. I must be going. Is better if I leave alone. Wait inside here and after a couple minutes leave. Ok?” She says.

“Yes. I’ll be expecting our next meeting.”

“Me too.” She kisses you and then leaves the bathroom.

That actually happened. You think. I had sex with my ultimate bias.

And now you remember all the things the view of her precious ass. Her eyes while she was sucking you off. The taste of her lips. Her essence. Her ass in your palms. Her surprised eyes when she saw your cock. The sensation of his tongue in your cock and her throat.

The sound of your phone wakes you up. Some text messages.

“Hey Oppa is Yuna. It seems like you weren’t the only diplomat getting fun. Ryujin also had fun with an argentinian diplomat. And he knows you, so the girls and I got his number and yours. Let’s have another meeting soon”

You smile. What is even better that you fucking your bias from Itzy is that your friend could do it too and maybe he even had anal sex with Ryujin. It seems that this kind of parties are not so bad.

[historicity-was-already-taken]

Hi! I really appreciate your nuanced and informed thoughts. Apologies if you've already answered something like this somewhere, but I'm only occasionally on Tumblr these days.

My question is what do you think about calls for academic boycotts as a means of protest? (Against Russia and Israel, most recently - curiously, I've never seen any suggestions for an academic boycott against, say, China, due to persecution of Uygurs and Tibetans. Cynically, I'm guessing this is because Chinese academia is simply too big and too financially integrated into global academic publishing profits for anyone to imagine a boycott, whereas Russian and Israeli academics are much less visible and much less profitable.)

I often sympathize with the feelings of those calling for boycotts, but it feels like it's useless at best and counterproductive at worst to cut off potential regime critics from international support, making them more dependent on keeping the regime happy for funding. I've seen some of what happens in an academic community (Hungary) that is poorly integrated with the international academic community when a repressive government start going after insufficiently nationalist research, and it's not great - entire fields of study the government doesn't like pressured out of existence, or only hanging on because of external EU funding. I have trouble seeing how essentially helping a regime stamp out dissenting voices is a good way to protest that regime. I also fear that if dissenters feel that the international community rejects them and views them as no different from the regime that they will be more likely to embrace apathy for survival.

I'm not sure how to respond to calls for academic boycott in a way that opens dialogue about these concerns, and I also recognize that I may be missing something. I'd love your thoughts on this issue if you have any!

imo academic boycotts are the political equivalent of punching parallel/down.

especially, since, as you pointed out, many academics in the boycotted nations are already dissenters. that said, i do think it's bullshit that these calls for boycotts aren't extended to china.

there's another aspect here, though, which i think was best presented in The Good Place: in a globalized economy, such simple measures as not buying that tomato or using that app or talking to that one israeli medical researcher don't have the impact we'd like to think they do. everything is soo layered and interwoven and codependent and opaque, that we can't truly know what decision we're making and what kind of impact it will truly have without expertise in international finance and tax law and supply chain ethical management.

in our world, as it exists, money and hard power are the only things which will effect change. they're the only things that matter. shitting on some russian grad student who just accessed the closed soviet archive of Khanate-era mongolian literature, or the israeli social scientist researching the intersection of public health and addiction won't do anything, except keep the West in the dark about Mongolian literature, and blocking findings valuable for public management of those struggling with addiction.

if universities and 18-22 year olds want to effect change, go for the wallet. research which defense contractors give money to which university labs/departments, target the administration of those departments, and make as big and loud of a stink as possible. i don't think the individuals calling for these boycotts want to do that though. it's dangerous and scary and requires them to actually put themselves at genuine risk. it's easier for them to just attack academics living under shitty governments, harass jewish students, and call it praxis.

but that's just my (cynical, lowkey depressed) take.

[whatever-imagines]

Can you we please get more Butch Wolverine?! Please?

Merry Christmas.

Literally

Rated: G

——

Logan scratch the back of her neck uncomfortably while staring at the party goers. There were too many sounds, too many smells, too much… everything happening all at once. She craved the solitude of her room; the distraction of you came to mind, maybe she could convince you to ditch the Christmas party all together and hide away from everyone.

Logan’s keen eyes seek you out and find you in the crowd. You’re dressed nice, cute; carrying a bag of presents as you distribute gifts to your friends and teammates. You looked so happy and thrilled to make everyone else happy and thrilled.

On second thought, maybe Logan should just pull a lone wolf card and leave by herself. You seemed to be enjoying yourself too much to have her pull you away for selfish reasons.

As she turns away though, she hears you call her name, hears you wrangling through the crowd, and Logan is equal parts thrilled and worried. What if you try and make her stay? Or worse, join in on the festivities.

“Lo! Logan, wait a sec, I have something for you!”

The Wolverine groans lowly. It wasn’t that she was hard to shop for, it’s just that people misinterpret what she wants, and then she feels bad about not wanting the useless crap given to her.

“Listen princess-“ she starts to protest, starts to stop you, but she couldn’t get a third word out before you toss a very small package at her.

Logan catches it mid air, effortlessly. The wrapping was buffalo plaid, no bows or tinsel or extra dress. With a questioning eyebrow, Logan gives you a look.

You stare at her all starry eyed and excited. “Well? Open it! It’s your present!”

The wolverine shift her step. “I’m not big on gifts-“

“Open it, Logan.” You demand.

The firmness of your voice makes her relent. It’s a rare occasion to see you stand up to her about anything.

With deft fingers, the wrapping was removed, unceremoniously dropped to the floor, and once the small black box was revealed, Logan worries the worst, jewellery.

Sucking in a silent anxious breath, she opens the box.

“A leather keychain?” Logan questions, also taking not of a silver knob looking thing attached to the ring.

“Open the leather bit, it’s a cigar cutter!” You exuberantly explain.

Logan pauses as you continue to ramble. “You always use your claws and I know sometimes you’re in a place you just can’t pop them out, so I got you this nice one instead! And that little silver one is a cigar puncher, you can unscrew it to use it.” You go into detail, moving closer to show off the present you thoughtfully gathered for your companion. “There in this keychain so you can add it to your carabiner. Merry Christmas!”

Logan stares at you intensely. This was… honestly the perfect gift for her. True, she uses her claws mostly to cut her cigars on the road, and if that wasn’t an option, her trusty pocket knife was always there, even if it did a shitty job. This was well thought out and personalised to her specifically. You even got a puncher, another form of to open up certain kinds of cigars. And in a fashion she could carry it with her constantly.

A little reminder of you and your thoughtfulness.

Logan purses her lips together to think carefully about what she’ll say next, all the while you stand there, pretty and perfect, waiting for her to respond.

“Thank you.” She settles on. No jokes, no smart Alec comment. You deserved sincerity at this moment. “I didn’t get you… anything-“

“Well, do you like your gift?” You ask.

She did, Logan really did. She loved it, she loved how the leather smelt like the sweat from your palms, you must’ve messed with it greatly before giving it to her.

“Yes, but-“

“Then that’s the best present you could’ve gotten me!” you chirp, delighted.

Logan wants to respond smoothly, wants to give a compliment suave enough it makes up for not having anything physical to give you, but you’re called away by a smiling and laughing Jean.

Before you leave, you rush Logan for a quick hug, which she reciprocates. The scent of you fills her and makes her almost giddy.

‘Merry Christmas, indeed.’ She thinks idly, looking for mistletoe hanging around and planning on pulling you under it.

[writingshushf1]

enemies to lovers w lewis!! trope just fits him so well imo

Line without a hook

Summary: I don't really give a damn about the way you touch me.

Rating: +16

Warnings: enemies to lovers, a bit of asshole!lewis and the reader is also a bit of an asshole, some mature language. W13 and W14 being shitty cars.

Word count: 3.8k

Note: WE COULDN'T NOT HAVE A CLASSIC HERE, RIGHT? I'm a sucker for enemies to lovers, so here we have one! Honestly? My best enemies to lovers written, mostly because I spent a little time ressearching about it (I started writing this afternoon) and building around it.

masterlist

Guilt. That's what you felt, but another feeling managed to override it. Anger.

You were at the head of the W13 development and it was terrible, a complete disappointment. And the worst part?It was your first year in a high position in a manufacturer, all the other years you spent locked up in laboratories, you never even got to meet the race tracks or even the Mercedes drivers - unless there was some publicity they had to record inside the factory. I mean, you became friends with Mick because he was often there, but this story isn't about him.

W13 had failed and the blame fell on you and the other staff who worked on it, so you decided to put your heads down and rebuild everything, make the ideas from 0 for W14. Into that came your stress, it had a name - a powerful name - Lewis Hamilton. He spent a whole 2022 criticising the car, making suggestions that were promptly ignored by engineers higher than you, which resulted in him getting a bitter feeling about you all.

"He arrived with heavy steps inside the luxurious factory, his voice with the strong English accent bursting through the walls, he was indignant. You took a deep breath, ducking your head and went back to fiddling with some parts of the car, trying to avoid Hurricane Hamilton. But to your misfortune, he opened the door to the room next to Russell and Toto - who were just as frustrated. Unfortunately, you were the only person still in the room, it was already late at night, but you wouldn't sleep until you found out what the damn problem was with that wagon they called a car. Obviously none of them would remember your name, so you kept tidying up with your headphones blasting Beyoncé until impatient taps on your shoulder ended your moment of peace.

"Sorry... Well, I'm not the boss of that area yet, so unfortunately I'm not the one who decided that, sir." You replied, turning back to the car and sitting down on the ground.

"You guys didn't listen to my suggestions and now the car is shit." The black pilot sighed, crossing his arms.

"But you are important in that sector. That I am sure of."

"I commented to Lewis and George about who was in charge, so if they wanted to come with their questions, they could turn to you and the others." Wolff replied, which made your blood boil with hatred.

"How would you know that?"

"Sorry, that still doesn't give you the right to come at me with an accusatory tone, after all I'm not the one giving the final answer." You rolled your eyes, fitting the piece you had noticed and pulling out another to take to the analysis. "I know the car wasn't what you expected. Honestly, none of us expected it to happen. After the tests, we thought it just needed some repairs."

"I understand you're feeling that way, we're all working day and night to fix it."

"A few repairs? Wow. That's pretty subtle thinking that it underperformed. Compared to 2021 and 2020, it's useless."

"And where's the rest?"

"For God's sake!" You looked at the other two who were trying to distract themselves with things in the room so as not to focus on your argument with the number one Mercedes driver that could have you fired in a few seconds. "It's Saturday, almost 10 o'clock at night, the factory is far from the city, don't you think people deserve a rest? I stayed here because of my role as one of the heads of this project. I don't have the luxury to rest, I don't know if you understand that."

His eyebrows drew together and you could have sworn he would start shouting at any moment and cuss you out for the reaction you had, however he kept quiet and left the scene without another word. You stared at Toto for a few seconds and he told you to go home, working tired and hot headed wouldn't do you any good. And it was from that day on that you started to hate him."

2023, the first race of the W14 left a lot to be desired, George was still positive and willing to sacrifice his year for the evolution of the car, however not the seven-time champion, he wanted a competitive car. Half way through last year you were getting more seats and now you were the co-creator of the W14, which was heavy on your shoulders. Again, Hamilton and you were almost at each other's throats during the team briefing until Wolff gave you both a timeout. You quickly left the room, grabbing a coffee and sitting on the hospitality stairs. Within seconds, Mick sat down next to you.

"Yeah, Maybe he's taking it too heavily, but I don't take away the whole reason the car is missing the essentials. Competitiveness." The German huffed.

"Honey, you say that like I don't know.... Of course I do! But he could stop being a spoiled little boy. He's a grown man who needs to learn that we're constantly evolving and yes we're going to have some tough years and that can only be solved by us changing the car, which can sometimes take hours, days, months before we get back into our pace."

“I know, but in this meantime, Red Bull and Ferrari will be overcoming new things while we are stuck behind Aston Martin.” Lewis commented, passing by you two.

“No shit, Sherlock.” You snapped, walking away from both of them.

“That was too much, man.” Schumacher said, crossing his arms.

“I know… But that’s the reality, she knows what’s happening, so… It’s not my fault.”

“So it isn’t hers alone.”

………………………………………………………………….

It was late at night again, you had been up for almost 48 hours, sorting people, analysing statistics, fiddling with parts. Your body was screaming for rest and this could be seen clearly by anyone passing you. It was almost dawn and you were still in the pits, sitting on the floor with a few empty energy drink cans around you, four computers in front of you, and your headphones on. You heard footsteps, but at first you decided to ignore them, it wasn't important, the focus was to understand what the fuck was going on with W14. Suddenly a "tsc" could be heard, it was then that you turned your face and found yourself face to face with Lewis Hamilton, his body inches from yours - and what a body. You took a deep breath and backed away.

"What's wrong, your majesty?"

"There." He pointed at the screen.

"Yes. I'm trying to fix it."

"But you're not succeeding, excuse me." He placed his hands on the keyboard and you were completely distracted, sleep was catching up with you.

He kept typing and changing things, clicking, even removing the headphones from your head and putting them on it, staying for a few minutes, until he looked at you.

"For someone who's in such a high position, I can't believe you missed that." He cracked a cocky smile.

"Oh! I'm sorry Sir Hamilton for being up for almost 48 hours straight, trying to fix your car first because apparently it was put on my list against my will, however as a good employee for this team, I dedicated myself exclusively to your car." You retorted, sitting on some tires. Throwing your head back, you let out a big sigh and ran your hands over your face, feeling that if he was the slightest bit ruder, tears would leak from your eyes and you'd make a fool of yourself in front of him.

"Go back to the hotel, for God's sake. The race is tomorrow and no one can be tired, because that results in failure." He trailed off, looking you up and down. "And take a shower, you're in need."

"Fuck off!"

The other day, you were still exhausted, yet better than a few hours ago. With a strong cup of coffee, clean clothes and a shower, you arrived still early in the morning, ordering everyone to do their respective jobs, while your stomach was screaming for food - you couldn't even remember when was the last time you'd eaten, so you quickly went and grabbed a sandwich to get through the day.

The race was okay, a podium, a fifth place. Could do better.

In that two-week gap without racing, you spent as much time as possible inside the factory, trying to fix the unconscionable and getting frustrated every time. This happened so often that there were moments you would disappear and hide to cry, feeling like a failure in that place - maybe a dismissal wasn't the end of the world, some other lesser team might want you.

Surprisingly, in the meantime, Lewis started showing up daily at the factory, working with everyone else - and charming everyone with his silly charm that made anyone fall in love with him. He chatted to people, asked them to bring snacks that you barely touched, your hunger seemed to disappear when he was near - along with all the tranquillity. Obviously, whenever he could, you exchanged insults and dry replies, something that could be observed from afar, but nobody dared to comment, for fear of being annihilated by one of you.

One fateful night he decided to stay late, so it was eleven o'clock at night and only the two of you were in the room. The silence was uncomfortable, deafening and suffocating, it seemed that in a few exchanges of glances you were stabbing each other. The passive-aggressiveness passed the moment you cried out in sort of relief, which caught his attention. Finally you had managed to solve a problem that had been bothering you for weeks and no one seemed to solve it. It seemed like a small victory, of many you wished were coming.

"What happened?" he asked in a dull tone.

"Look here! I managed to solve that one.... That..." It seemed as if the words had escaped his lips from so much euphoria he was feeling. "That shit that made Russell's car break down in the last race! It was so simple, but it needed a general approach, not so thorough..." You let a laugh escape your lips as he walked over to where you were standing.

"Oh." He was speechless too. As much as you said that this was a simple problem, he knew it wasn't, he had noticed your effort and frustration in the meantime, it was something extremely difficult that required patience and intelligence - things you had. "Let's take a break then, to celebrate."

You cracked a smile at him - the first time since you had met, which made him return the smile. The two of you walked together to where there were some tables after grabbing some food, no one else but you two. The silence settled again, but not as uncomfortable as before, it was neutral.

It was two am, and you still were working on the W14, but this time was improving, he made some hits and that was when you started to tease each other.

“Oh, I didn’t know that drivers could be this smart, I thought you guys dropped after a while and finished on homeschooling.” You teased him.

“Hey! I even studied engineering, you could pay some respect.” He held back a smile. “And it’s Sir Lewis Hamilton for you, I didn’t give you intimacy to just talk to me like that.”

“Someone’s feisty.” You chuckled. “Okay, sir.” You licked your lips, throwing yourself on the sofa. “Oops, sorry… Okay, Sir Lewis Hamilton, I’ll only call you like that now, majesty.”

He sucked in his breath, closing his fists before chuckling too. “And someone’s really going off the limits, maybe you should take care you know… I’m still your boss and I can do whatever I want.”

“Kinky. Power dynamics? I always thought you would want to be called daddy.” You played it off, holding your laugh.

“Oh God.” He started laughing loudly, joining his hands against his chin, before moving his head in a ‘no’ “We’re too sleep deprived to keep this.”

“Or too sober.”

“Don’t even try it, girl.” He rolled his eyes. “C’mon, I’ll ask the guard to close the factory.”

……………………………………………………………………….

After that night, your relationship became calmer. Sure, you still constantly traded insults and irony at every opportunity, but it was an evolution nonetheless - now they weren't aggressive, with a passive-aggressive undertone, it was more jokes and banter to take the edge off the team's rebuild with W14 - which by now, had made more decent progress, a win in the pocket.

You were working through some analysis of the car, when suddenly, a Lewis removing his t-shirt because of the heat caught you completely off guard, which made your cheeks boil with embarrassment and your eyes stare longingly at his pecs to the point where he noticed.

"See something you like?" he commented, flashing you a smug smile.

"I just think it's inappropriate for you to be shirtless in a workplace. You have a trailer for that." You shrugged, feeling an unbearable heat hit your body. He was hot and unfortunately your body agreed with that.

"All right then, Miss Goody Two-shoes." You pointed your middle finger at him as the British pilot walked off, while he returned the gesture still with that damn smile.

That night, he dreamed of you. Our brains like to play tricks and make us think crazy things. And that's exactly what it played with the black driver that night. Her hands roamed his body, laughter from both sides filled the room as he could see her silhouette in just purple lingerie, while he was only in his underwear. Your bodies were glued together, moving at an incredible pace, it was just about you two and no one else. No hate, no failing cars, no guilt.

He woke up panting, before the dream had its proper end. A tent settled in his shorts, which made him groan in denial, running his hands over his face, trying to forget the scene he had just dreamt, however it was almost impossible, it was something so sexy he couldn't let it go.

For the next few weeks, he ignored you almost completely, only showing up to talk about car stuff - be it suggestions or just complaining that they would never catch up with Red Bull by the end of the season, which made you even more stressed. It felt like you guys were back to stage one. At first, you even tried to ignore it and think that he wasn't in a good mood, but when it persisted, you were ready to strike back. Meanwhile, Hamilton's mind was a mess, he wasn't supposed to have dreamt about you, let alone gone on and on and on having recurring dreams about the two of you, let alone him noticing when the white shirt was too see-through and he knew what colour your bra was. It was getting to be too much for him and his defence mechanism was to try and walk away and go back to square one. He knew he'd been rude to you at first, but part of him didn't want to apologise, to accept that you could be friends-or even the possibility that he wanted something more.

It was another early morning at the Mercedes plant, now you were already thinking about the W15, because you knew that everything had gone wrong, but you refused to tell anyone. Early in the morning, Lewis went to his usual room and found you pacing back and forth, stressed about the possibility of them never getting out of this hole, of her never being able to make him win his eighth championship.

"Did someone fall out of bed? It's six-thirty in the morning." He said, soon sitting down at one of the desks and turning on his computer.

"To fall out, I should at least be asleep first." You retorted, banging your fist on the table in anger that again, the program was giving data that was incompatible with what you had planned.

"Again? Aren't you working too fucking much?" He questioned, which honestly was the last straw you needed to freak out. Even if he wasn't being rude.

"Yes, I've been working my ass off, Hamilton. I'm on the verge of burnout and you know whose fault it is? Yours! It's all on you!" Because I work day and night, I don't rest, I keep planning and recalculating everything just to please you, to make the car you want and still nothing is good, nobody is satisfied! You felt tears fall from your eyes, but this was not the time to care about that. "Do you know what it's like for a whole team to depend on your team of engineers and you're constantly letting everyone down? No! You don't." Her voice was already cracking with sobs. "I can't take it anymore! I can't stand living like this anymore. And still have people telling the world that I'm incompetent!" You completely lost the strength in your legs, falling to your knees on the floor and putting your hands to your face to cover your crying.

He waited for you to say everything you needed to say, to get your anguish off your chest, so that after you had stopped talking, he would get up and go to the floor with you, hugging your body and passing his free hand over your locks, letting you cry as much as you needed, just being comforted by his presence.

…………………………………………………………

Your relationship got better after you had a breakdown in front of him, he understood you were going under a very stressful moment, because everyone seemed to only count on you, forgetting that they were a team. That day, he took you to your house, waited for you to get some comfortable clothes and ordered food. You didn’t talk about it, just enjoyed each other’s company in silence. And that’s how it worked between you two, until it didn’t work again.

Hamilton was restless, he felt the need to talk with you by text, calls, in person, would oftenly walk with very revealing looks and take off his shirt around you, just to see your face red with embarrassment and the deep looks on his torso.

He knew there was something more, but he waited. He tested the waters first, became slowly sweeter by the time, calmer and actually never complained to you again, he tried to be more positive and improve his work with the car you had. And that made you warm up towards him, he was actually capable of change, to be a very caring person when he liked the person.

When you started to have this sort of friendship, you felt guilty for snapping at him multiple times, the same way he felt bad for being so rude towards you the year before. 

One day, he asked if you wanted to stay late on the paddock, so you could work on some things about W14, little things to improve for the race on Sunday afternoon. Of course you agreed, you have been doing that for months now, one night more it wouldn’t kill you.

The comfortable silence between you two was broken by him.

“I owe you an apology.” He whispered, like that was a forbidden subject.

“I…” You took a few seconds to realise. “I think I owe you one too.”

“So will we both be forgiven then?”

“Yeah…”

“I’m sorry. For being a brat and an entitled asshole… For not seeing you as a person, someone amazing that works like hell because she wants the best for everyone.” He got closer, touching your forearm.

“I’m sorry for snapping at you, multiple times. I should’ve been more mature.” You avoided looking at him, as much as his eyes were so hypnotising.

When you least expected it, your bodies were together in a very intimate hug. His hands around your hips, while your arms pressed his body against you.

“I’m not the only one feeling this, right?” He muttered, alternating his look between your eyes and lips.

“Unfortunately, no.”

And that he took as a consent to crash his lips against yours, in a desperate kiss, like he waited for such a long time to do that, in reaction, you intertwined one of your hands in his braids and the other lowered to his back, holding at his Mercedes black t-shirt. He soon lowered his hands to your thighs, pulling you to sit on top of some tyres. Your tongues were moving against each other, slow and needy, like a dream coming true. When air made it necessary, he held your waist and smiled.

“It took so long…” He whispered against your ear. “If I knew we only were horny for each other, we could have solved this a long time ago…” You could hear his cocky smile.

“Fuck you.” You muttered back, letting your fingers run on his neck. “If it was months ago… I would have denied it until my deathbed. I’m happy being in this state now.” You left some kisses along his jaw.

“Angel… Not here. Maybe my hotel room may be a more appropriate place for you to get all touchy like that.”

“Sad… I would love to have some risky sex in the paddock, sir.” You joked.

“Maybe someday. But let’s start at the most obvious place. A bed.” He held your hand and guided you to his car.

So… Sir Lewis Hamilton wasn’t so bad after all.

[cody-writes]

Where do I go when I’m already on my knees?

- summary ; Ford has been traveling from universe to universe, pocket detention to pocket detention. But when he comes across one where Fiddleford had settled down with an alternate version of himself and it seems that nothing happened how he remembered it. he does his best to push his way into this Fiddlefords life, which has been devastated with death and abandonment by the very man in the mirror. despite the differences in universes ford can’t escape the wake that he leaves behind wherever he goes. (It’s shitty I know)

- word count ; 4377

- warnings for light depiction of graphic violence

Chapter one ; blood in the snow

Stanford pines. scientist of the paranormal, top of his class, six fingered freak. Sure he knew that he’d be dealing with some strange happenings in his lifetime but this? This was by far the worst thing that he couldn’t ever imagine.

Hopping from place to place, wondering if it’ll be safe to close his eyes and rest, fearful of what hid on the back of his eyelids.

He was tired. But he needed to keep running. Bill was getting closer and closer and the longer he kept running, the longer he had to figuring out a way home. But for now he found pocket dimension that he quickly had slipped into after one of Bills henchdemons had gotten a little too close for comfort.

When he arrived he was immediately off put when everything was silent except for the sound of very distant — and almost unnoticeable to the untrained ear —gunshots. His breath caught in his throat and he quickly began to look for a place to hide from, one: whatever was out there. And two: whatever or whoever was coming for him.

A cave presented itself to him after an hour or so of carefully placing his feet in the snow covered woods. He prayed that no one would follow his footsteps and ran himself in circles trying to make sure that it looked as if there was no one place that he could possibly be. Finally he circled back to the cave, stepping into prints that he had already laid.

Ford sighed as he finally settled against the wall of this cave, his pack leaned against his side with an arm wrapped around it. “Fuck…” he whispered, pulling the bag open to grab his first aid kit out along with a flashlight. He pulled his pant leg up, and stuck the light in his mouth, angling it at the blood soaked bandages. He gritted his teeth against the metal of the flashlight as he started pulling them off.

The wound was anything but fresh, but it wasn’t healing right and looked infected. It was too close. He thought as he cleaned away the blood. Too fucking close, again. He gritted his teeth and poured a bit of alcohol onto a cloth, dabbing it around the claw marks in his leg just as he’d done with every other cut and scar that etched into his body.

He cleaned and dressed the wound before carefully putting everything away and placing them back into his bag.

He leaned his head back against the cold stone, finding a grove that almost perfectly fit his skull. The silence was loud but he could no longer hear the gunfire which brought a bit of comfort and a lot of anxiety. What if they found his food prints and were tracking him here now? He was useless, getting old and god he was tired. A fight now would be over in seconds and his body would be found in this cave.

As time passed he grew cold, but not as cold as he’d expected to be, not cold enough that a fire would have been necessary. He pulled his knees up and tightened his coat around himself before unrolling the blanket off his pack and draping it over his knees.

His eyelids drooped but he shook himself awake every time the darkness felt comforting. He couldn’t sleep, with Bill lurking around every corner, every time he slept was an open gateway to where he was. Hours of this was exhausting but it would be worth the safety in the end.

Finally a bit of light seeped into the cave and Fords skin crawled with a sinking feeling of dread. He pushed himself from the floor, rolled and attached the blanket to his pack before slinging the bag over his shoulder, and leaving the cave, knowing that he didn’t want to find out what the feeling was warning him of.

There were too many times that he let these feelings bring out his curiosity over the years and every time that he did he’d collected more scars and memories that burned into him and weighed on his soul.

As he pushed his way through the melting snow he tried to make a game plan. There was no one and nothing in sight. The air hung heavy and thick it burned at his eyes, everything felt off and the feeling of dread continued to fall heavy on his shoulders.

Eventually the scientist found a town…

——————

Months passed and Ford found himself in the middle of a battle, gun in hand, teeth ground into each other, praying that the boy beside him would live long enough to get home for dinner.

He popped up from behind the barricade, aiming and firing shots toward the strange creatures that approached.

In what he thought was an abandoned town, he’d been quick to find out that it was not quite abandoned. the people inside were just terrified of what lay beyond the tree line and across the banks.

It became pretty clear to him rather quickly that this was some sort of post apocalyptic world, fighting against strange monsters, demons and occasionally other people that threatened to overtake them. The group that he found himself with had been through it all, death, pain and destruction alike, if you could think it, these people were aware of what it was and were vigilant.

The creatures appeared in large numbers and had been closing in, slowly picking off their numbers. Ford offered his help, only requesting information and possibly help with getting out of this hell scape. He didn’t know what he would be signing up for at the time, but god damn he regretted agreeing now.

Their forces picked off the monsters one by one until blood splattered in the snow and bodies remained unmoving.

Ford flipped the safety on his gun and pushed up from behind the barricade before holding his hand out to the boy next to him who gladly took it. Ford pulled him to his feet, strapping his gun to his back before looking out over the sea of death, both his men and the enemy. He sighed softly and offered a sad smile to the kid who looked at the scene. “Let’s get what we can.” He said simply before turning to salvage anything they could.

Stanford knew not to get attached to any of the people and creatures that he came across, he’d always end up leaving and in this instance, they knew that he was going to be leaving too. It was hard though, meeting these people making connections only for a ghost of his past to close in on him once more, forcing him to leave the comfort that he was really running after.

The boy, Joseph, nodded and walked at his side as they approached the beasts. The other men had begun counting their dead and dragging the injured back toward the infirmary. Normally the creatures had simple things on them, sometimes armor and maybe a weapon (if they could use one), but the meat on their bones was what was the most valuable to the group. If they found a certain type of creature they could be eating 3 meals a day for at least 5 days for their rather large numbers. Unfortunately for them, demons seemed to be the majority of what made this group up.

Ford sighed and knelt down next to one of the demons, picking a dagger off its belt and a rigged gun from its hand. “I don think we’re gonna get much from ‘em” Joseph said walking back over to Ford from one of the other bodies.

“That’s quite alright.” He replied softly and simply, pocketing the weapons he was able to collect before looking to the boy. “We have enough for now I believe anyway, we just need to keep safe.”

The pair made their way back to the edge of town, “I will check on things in medical, you should go let them know how things worked out.” Ford nodded to Joseph who took off into town.

Stanford pushed his way into the medical building. It was less of a building and more of a tent with falling bricks as walls, but it did the job. He glanced around looking between the men on the makes in beds then to those still standing.

“How are they?” He asked after a moment of silence. He could see that one or the men was in worse shape than the other. His leg looked terrible and he had a gash across his chest, nothing fatal but painful nonetheless.

“Fine. They’ll be fine.” Troy, an older man who ran operations and cared too deeply spoke up, crossing his arms and puffing himself out a bit. Ford knew that he didn’t like him very much, he seemed intimidated by the scientist, something that puzzled Ford to his core. “Where’s Joseph?” His voice was gruff and he didn’t look at Ford when he spoke, only moving his eyes.

“Checking in with the other men, I didn’t want him subjected to any more suffering than he already is.”

“Good..” Troy looked to him finally before continuing. “Marley’s looking for ya. Said it might help you get out of ‘ere”

Ford perked up for a moment before remembering that he couldn’t get his hopes too high. It seemed near impossible to get out of here, every lead that they had, wasn’t an actual lead or almost got him killed. “Alright…I uh…I’ll go find them.” He nodded and looked to the injured men once more before quietly exiting the hut.

He made his way across the compound, looking up as the sun rose into the yellow tinted sky. He kept his head low and tried not to pry into the conversation going on as he passed through the center of town. Morning was always the busiest and full of people. even if there was an attack was happening, those who lived here didn’t seem to be bothered. Their community thrived in the sun and early morning interactions.

He gave a slight smile and a small wave here and there until he came up on one of the houses that hadn’t been touched by any destruction. He gave a light knock before reaching for the doorknob, poking his head in before fully entering.

Marley was the one person that he felt he could relate to around this place. They had an eye for the strange and unusual and wanted to know why these creatures were attacking and where they came from more than being focused on killing them off.

“Stanford!” Marley yelled from the back corner of the room, their Irish accent thick with excitement. “Just who I wan’ed to see! Come, come. I have a lot to tell you.”

Ford chuckled lightly and latched the door closed before walking toward them. “Troy said that you may have found something?“

“Yes! An abnormality as you say.” They wrapped an arm around the author’s shoulders, pulling him toward their work station and into a chair. He straightened his glasses and looked up at the enthusiastic scientist. “It’s not far from here and seems to be muuuch much stronger tan the las one, I’ll come with you when you go. I want to study it and get your knowledge on these things before you leave.”

Ford pulled his chair closer as Marley leaned over the desk, their computer glitching and blinking as it showed the coordinates. He rubbed his chin as he looked, his brows furrowing “and you’re sure that this could be a rift as I’ve been describing?”

“I tink so, yes.” They said, opening their notebook up, pointing out some Irish gibberish that Ford could just barely make out. “From everythin that you’ve described it matches almost perfectly, tough the area seems to be more corrupted tan I would have tought. Even from my maps, it looks…off.”

Ford looked up at the monitor once more as Marley zoomed out of the exact point. They were right, the area was large and charted with what he could even recognize as oddities. His mind immediately went to Bill…but if he had found him, Ford would have known by now with how close it was.

“You’re most definitely right…that is very strange.” He thought for a second, “it could possibly be a source of, quote weirdness, similar to what I was studying back at home. The two look very similar. Of course here, weirdness or abnormalities are quite common with your beast issue, but not to this degree, I wonder if in different parts of the multiverse, they also have points of weirdness.” He shook his head and looked back to Marley, finally off of his tangent. “I would love to explore this with you, it could help me understand more about the multiverse and would help you to understand where these creatures could potentially be coming from if my thoughts are in fact correct.”

Marley had a blank look on their face for a moment, seeming to process all of the words being thrown at them. “We have to prepare ten!” They exclaimed plopping down into the chair next to him, their fiery hair bouncing with the motion. “La’er of course. It’s been a few days, let’s catch up.”

——————

Anxiety ate its way up Ford’s throat as he packed his things away into his bag. He didn’t have much, not anything more than what he showed up with, minus a few more notebooks and a few things to keep the memories of Marley and Joseph alive. But what lied ahead was more anxiety inducing than being crushed by a monster that he couldn’t even stick around long enough to study.

If he stuck around any longer, Bill would find the rift and wreak havoc upon this universe just as he had done before. He couldn’t subject these people to that, especially not after they had finally been doing so well and had built this beautiful corner of their world up.

He sighed and pulled his gloves and coat on, pulling his face covering up and slinging his bag over his shoulder. He holstered one of the guns he’d come across on a mission with Troy and headed toward the door, where he knew Marley would be waiting for him, practically jumping with excitement.

He smiled as he saw them, their hands wrapped around their backpack straps with their goggles and a scarf covering their mouth and nose, eager to get going. “You take forever.” They said a bit flatly, as they turned in the direction that they needed to be going. “Wat were you even doin? I know you don’t have that many tings.”

“Marley, I was in there for maybe ten minutes, what on earth do you mean?” He chuckled “I know that you’re excited but you need to relax a little, kid.”

“Tat’s 5 minutes too long wit the tings you have.” They huffed, looking up at the sky. “Might rain.”

Ford looked up as well. The clouds were rolling in and the air hung thicker than normal. “Right…we’ll be quick then. I don’t want to be out in the elements for too long, and I won’t be with you when you come back. Speaking of, you have a weapon, correct?”

“Yep,” they smiled and patted their coat, “trusty ol ting I got from my paps, use ‘er till the day she shits out on me.”

“Alright.” Ford nodded as they pressed on, glancing at the sky every other minute. He felt as if he was in a time bubble, moving so slowly that he needed to try and move faster in order to keep up with the world around him. He clasped his hands together and pressed his eyes closed for a moment in an attempt to ground himself as they neared their destination.

“Are you okay tere big guy?” Marley eventually spoke up, their head tilted up at him with a bit of concern.

Ford shook his head and adjusted his glasses. “Yes…I’m fine. Just anxious. I don’t know where I will end up once I make this jump. I never do, but it never gets any less painful, leaving a place that I get established in after meeting new people.” He let out a breath. “People like you…it’s just never…a good experience.”

“You never did explain why you can’t just stay. I mean, I know you got people at home…but wouldn’t it just be easier to find a place an just, stay?” Their eyes were invisible behind their goggles and their face covered from showing emotion but Ford could almost see their face and feel everything radiating off of them so strongly.

He couldn’t stay…he couldn’t put any of them in that kind of danger, not in good conscience. He had to keep moving, he couldn’t stay, he needed to get home and eventually stop Bill.

“A bit more truthfully…I’m running from an old friend, well, I thought we were friends…maybe even something more at one time. Anyway.. he’s how I got stuck in the multiverse in the first place. I thought him a muse and he offered plans of a better tomorrow and a opportunity to explore the strange and unusual.” Ford sighed and looked down at his six fingered hand, thinking of his weirdness and wondering if this would have happened in the first place without his defect.

“I thought he was truthful in what he said and wanted to continue with my research and, blinded by my own hunger for knowledge I believed him. but really he only wanted power. The portal I built so he could cross into our world was activated and I…fell in for lack of a better term. Even if I wanted to go back home I’m unsure of how to get there and anywhere that I stay, Bill winds up finding me and I can’t let anything happen to you or your family and friends..”

Marley stopped walking for a moment, blankly staring up at him before they rested a soft hand on his shoulder. “I hope you find your way home and I hope that you can come back here someday. You’re a good man Ford.”

However this child could read him so well would remain a mystery to the scientist. They had this beautiful intuition and this time it was picking up on his guilt for what had happened. How he left things with Fiddleford and Stanley, they ate away at his very existence and he only wished to be able to tell them how sorry he was for what he did. How countless other people have been affected by the destruction that is Stanford Pines.

“Thanks kid.” He said ruffling their hair, “let’s keep going.”

They reached the tree line, right on the edge of where the abnormal readings were rather quickly. The clouds rolled in a bit faster now but they still had a bit before anything would start to fall.

Cautiously Ford pressed on into the trees, looking up and around, in front and behind, anywhere for any signs of danger or weirdness, just as he would have done at home. When he didn’t see anything he would move further in, silently shifting through the snow, his eyes darting as the trees grew a bit thicker.

“I’m not seeing anything at the moment, I’m sure that the rift could be here somewhere, but it seems that the cause of the area being so lit up, isn’t within sight.” He hummed, his hand resting on his chin out of habit. “I think we should locate the rift and see what might be around it.”

“Alrighty, whatever you tink is best.” Marley responded, staying at Fords side, carefully watching up at the scientist as he worked.

Ford pressed on deeper, knowing that he was close to what he hoped would be the rift at the center of the reading. A large shift in reality caused him to take a step back, his eyes darting around at the change in color and sound of the forest. The once silent and peaceful moment turned to sound of rapid ticking and footsteps trickled in from every direction. “Oh my…” he said softly, his arms instinctively flaring out, gently pushing Marley back behind him a little.

“I haven’t seen anything like this since…” he trailed off as the color of the sun seemed to shift and the clouds rolled in faster. “Bill….” He finally finished, half expecting that bastards sadistic laugh to follow his words. When no sound came he finally let his guard down, glancing back at Marley. They stood in silence, seemingly wide eyed and frozen.

“Marley?” He said gently, moving himself into their line of sight.

“What the fuck…” they whispered, moving their goggles onto the top of their head. “Tis is…amazing..what the fuck.”

Ford let out a breath and chuckled at that, “it seems like some sort of bubble, and it might be the reason that the reading was so strong. Come along. Let’s find the rift, we can backtrack once we have a clear path and understanding of this place.”

It didn’t take long at all for the two to find the rift. It was large, larger than Ford had seen after the portal. His heart skipped at the thought that Bill could be waiting on the other side, about to invade another world he’d found himself on.

Marley stepped toward it, their hand outstretched “it’s so perrty..” they said softly. Ford reacted instinctively, eyes wide as he grabbed them by the collar and pulled them back.

He quickly dropped their clothing, clearing this throat. “Ah…don’t… get too close.” He mumbled, taking a deep breath as I’m images of his old partner almost being lost to the same fate that he hade been destined to live flashes through his mind.

Marley simply nodded and smiled, taking a few steps back to admire the sights, their back turned to him. Ford smiled back, fondly. He was so excited and happy that someone shared this fascination, someone that he could relate to and finally tell about his experiences and pass that knowledge on too—

“FUCK!” Marley’s voice echoed in his ears as a large hand swiped from above, launching Marley across the snow. Blood. He could see it stain and cover the ground.

He pulled his gun from its holster, quick to aim it as his vision zoomed in and out. He shot rapidly, barely looking until the ground seemed to shake and something seemed to be running. He didn’t know where it was going or if it was coming at him but he knew he needed to keep shooting.

Ford peeled his eyes open only to be met with a piercing scream and a significantly smaller claw swipe down at his hands. He pulled back, claws tearing through his arm. He yelled and stumbled back, aiming and firing again, hitting their creature until it began to run and he was low on ammo.

With his breath racing and blood dripping down his arm he ran toward Marley, “Marley!” He shouted, sliding to his knees and skidding across the snow to get to them.

“Ford….ford I can’t feel my legs..” they said, their voice breaking softly, “everything hurts so much but I can’t feel my legs.” They cried, reaching out to the author.

Ford looked them over, they’d already lost a lot of blood and their eyes hooded as if struggling to not close. “It’s…it’s going to be okay just…breathe Marley, just breathe and hold on to my hand.” He clasped their hands together and leaned down his he could cradle their head. His voice broke and tears formed in his eyes. “Just hold on Marley.”

Marley looked up at him and squeezed his hand, “I can’t…it hurts so bad…I’m so tired and it hurts.” They muttered, their words slurring together.

“I know. I’m so sorry. Oh god I’m so sorry.” He held their hand to his chest, bringing his forehead to touch theirs, his body hunching over them into a half hug. “It’s okay. It’s going to be okay.” He didn’t know what to do. He couldn’t get them out of here without possibly making their injuries worse or collapsing half way there due to his own injury. He knew he wasn’t strong enough either and with the storm? There was no way.

“Don’t leave me…please don’t leave me here.” They whispered as Ford sat back up. “I don’t want to die alone.”

They knew. They always did, they knew they were going for die and all they wanted was to not do it alone. Tears rolled down his cheeks as Marley’s sobs wrote their way into Fords memories. “I’m not going to leave you, I promise Marley.” He whispered.

Silence fell under the sounds of crying between the two and screaming off in the distance. but there was comfort in it as well, peace perhaps in the fact that death was coming and the earth would accept a new offering to the soil and heaven would find a new soul to offer a home.

After what seemed like hours, Ford could no longer feel the young one’s breath and their body went limp and only when that happened did he pull them close and hold them tight. He sat like that for a few minutes, holding their lifeless body waiting until it felt right to let them go.

Gently he laid them down and let go of their hand. He didn’t know what else to do besides close their eyes, gently remove their goggles and cover them with the snow. He knew it wasn’t proper but it was what felt right. He stood and looked over the gory mess that set out in the snow before looking to the portal. “I hope you come back here someday.” The words rang in his empty mind as he stepped toward it, Marley’s goggles strapped firmly to his head as he started his new adventure with another piece of what he’d lost strapped over his heart.

[bartonbones]

short little ficlet that i want to post before s3 takes this scene away from me: in which sugar finds out she's having a girl, which is the worst thing she can imagine being

"Don't tell Pete," she says. “Right?” 

Carmy stares up at her, unblinking, slightly ashamed, as if it's embarrassing to him that he doesn't immediately understand what she means. It’s like—Mikey would. Or no, it’s like, he really wouldn’t. But he’d know what Carmy meant. And that’s a failure from both of them—this deep, secret understanding between the Berzatto children that sometimes managed to stop just shy of Natalie.

"That you're having a girl?" he says, pressing his eyebrows together. "He doesn't know?"

"It's supposed to be a surprise," Sugar says, flashing all her teeth in an unconvincing mimicry of parental glee. "We're supposed to find out together, when she's born, but I couldn't—"

Carmy waits for her to finish. Doesn't guess her next words, partly because he hates when people do that to him and partly because there's no universe in which he can possibly imagine what they might be. It’s past the point of Sugar being left out of jokes and face-to-face with the cliff of being left out of Sugar’s experience entirely. Mikey wouldn’t get this, either, but, fuck, would anyone? Tina, maybe. Richie, even. Anyone except him, probably. But he wants to try, so he waits, patient, while Sugar looks at the ceiling with red, puffy eyes and opens her mouth without making any sound. 

“I couldn’t stop picturing his face,” she says. “Like, if it was a girl, he’d just—it’ll be the best thing that’s ever happened to him and he’ll look at me and it’s supposed to be the best thing that’s ever happened to me but I just—fuck!” 

Sugar smashes her palm against the table, surprisingly violent. It startles Carmy enough that he flinches back, a little, and worries him enough that he starts to reach out, to grab her hand, this battle between instinct and fear, old and gruesome, that strikes up whenever someone’s upset. 

She doesn’t take it. Brings her palm flat up to her face instead and scrubs away her tears, angry.

“I’m already so fucking bad at it,” she says. “I’m not supposed to feel like this.” 

“I think however you feel,” Carmy says, quietly. “Is, you know—okay.” 

“Thanks, Carm,” Sugar says, in the tone she gets when he’s said something particularly useless, usually something about money or taxes or anything involving numbers or spelling or high school science. 

She’s quiet for a second. Carmy clears his throat, flexes his hand that’s no longer holding hers. Even quieter, he says: 

“How do you feel?” 

"I wanted a boy," she says, laughing. "Is that fucking awful?"

Sugar laughs more, worse, looks at him and then the ceiling again and then at her hands, worrying at her silicone wedding band, her bracelet, her hangnails. Suddenly she shifts—away from him, enough that he feels it, tilts his head. She doesn’t look back at him and when she speaks, her voice is small and almost shameful. 

“I wanted a boy, and I wanted to name him Michael."

“Oh,” says Carmy. He hadn’t expected it to hurt so much when she said it—it wasn’t like it wasn’t on his mind, on the table, like everyone didn’t halfway expect it. They’re Italian. Names had always been dead things, ever since the first sorry motherfucker got martyred and printed up on the inaugural Holy Card. It’s just different when she says it like that. It’s just worse than he thought it would be. 

But Sugar continues. 

“But it’s shitty, Carm. I’m being shitty.” 

“You’re not,” he says, finding it harder and harder to find his voice. “Nat, you’re not.” 

“I am,” she says, voice thick. “I am because—it’s not like—I didn’t want to name a baby Michael for Mikey, I wanted—I just wanted Mom to—and I thought, because I’m just fucking—stupid, I guess, I thought that—maybe Mom would like them more, you know? Maybe it’d give them this chance that I guess I thought—I felt like I didn’t have.” 

They’d never fought about this before. It’s weird that that is the first thought that Carmy has, but it is—they’d never argued, all three of them in a room, who Mom was the worst to. Mikey never said: before you two were born, or, as the oldest son. Carmy never said: when I was alone with her, or after you both left, and she started drinking more. And Sugar never, ever, as long as Carmy could remember, said: she’s never that mean to you. 

But she could have. And they’d all known it, so maybe it was why they didn’t fight about it when they were younger, when the rage and sorrow tumbled down from Mom to Mikey to Nat to Carmy, and they were all fighting about something—they always knew there was nothing to fight about. At least, not one they would win.

“Nat,” Carmy says. “Jesus.” 

“I know,” she says. “It’s so awful.” 

Carmy presses his lips together. Shakes his head. 

“It’s awful that she made you feel that way,” he says. “It’s not awful that you feel it.” 

“I can’t stand it,” she says. “I won’t be able to handle it if Mom looks at her the way she used to look at me.” 

Carmy opens his mouth. False promises threaten to tumble out of it—that Mom wouldn’t look at her like that, that Mom might never have to meet her. Things he doesn’t have any place to say, especially when he knows they’re probably not true. But he does know one thing: has maybe always known it. 

“But it’ll be different, Nat,” he says. “She’ll have someone who loves her—just, so fucking much. And so fucking well. And it won’t matter that Mom’s being fucking crazy, okay? It won’t matter to her. ‘Cause she’ll have you.” 

“You don’t know that,” she says. “I’m sorry, Carmy, but you have no idea—” 

“I do,” Carmy says. 

“Carmen—”

“Natalie,” he says, serious and sharp and accented in the way he only sounds when he’s home, when he’s with Nat and Richie and he’s laughing or screaming or otherwise unfiltered. “Natalie, look at me. I do know.” 

She does. It’s wet and open and her face looks so terribly sad that Carmy feels probably the worst he’s ever fucking felt since the last time she cried like this. His face burns and his eyes sting and he looks at her anyway, through all of the awfulness, just to see his sister as the same person he used to look at five, ten, twenty fucking years ago. 

“I know, okay?” he says. He reaches out, wraps his palms around her forearms and locks eyes with her. “I know, because I had you. I had you and I was so fucking lucky to, and it was enough. I don’t—I don’t reach out to Mom because I don’t need to. She won’t, either.” 

Suddenly she looks so young. Her face swells and breaks, falls into something soft and hopeful and grief-stricken. She was so young, Carmy forgets that, and now thinks about how much everyone babied him and how no one ever babied her, and how she would’ve only been nine when he was born, learning to make bottles and how to do long division in the same week. 

“I never thanked you for that,” he says. “You or Mikey.” 

“For what?” she says, thick. It’s obvious what the answer is, but even more obvious that she needs him to say it, so he does. 

“For raising me,” he says. He nods, licks his lips, sniffs what he is somehow surprised to find are tears. “You’re going to do such a good job, Nat. You already did.” 

“Okay,” she says. She the heels of her hands into her knees, nods her head. “You turned out okay, right?”

She sounds uncertain about this. Carmy has never been good at convincing anyone of that fact except himself, so he just shrugs, watery and helpless. 

“I don’t think anything about me that’s fucked up is your fault,” he says. 

“Alright,” she says, sounding uncertain. She sniffs, doesn’t stop looking at him like she’s scanning him for the things she couldn’t fix, until she’s pressing her hand against his face and running her fingers through his hair. He bends his head, lets her, in a way he maybe hasn’t done for a decade. “God, I just want you to be okay, you know that, right?” 

“Would you believe it if I said that I feel that way about you, too?” 

Sugar tilts her head, considering, still with her hand on his face. 

“I think so,” she whispers, thick. “I love you, Bear.” 

Carmy nods. It’s not something she has ever needed to say. 

“Pete’s going to go fucking crazy when he finds out,” he says. “There’s not going to be a pink blanket left in the tristate area.” 

Sugar laughs, but this time it's an uncomplicated, joyful one. It is suddenly the only sound in the entire universe worth hearing. He’ll need to do this a thousand more times to ever make up for half of what she’s done for him—and he’s decided, right now, to try anyway.

“I love you too, Nat.” 

[ciderjacks]

ngl I was ranting to my friend about this but I think the worst part of becoming physically disabled for me is not the shock, not the pain or shitty doctors or rescheduling or confusion or fear, but the way people start fucking treating you.

I have had so many people, good people, people I’ve known for years, start treating me completely differently. And not in like an oh it’s awkward now and sometimes they ask dumb questions way. I mean they’ve started observing my every movement, trying to find some inconsistency and “catch me lying”, calling me out openly and accusing me of faking, trying to prove I’m not really disabled. More than one person who I know has done this. I don’t know if abled people understand how insanely awful that is to do to someone. I don’t know what’s wrong with my body either, but I know what I can and can’t do. The idea that they know my body better than me is already shitty. Not only that, these people who I know and have known (often for years), are now telling me to my face that they think I’m the kind of person who would do something like faking a disability for attention. like are you fucking serious? Did you always think that low of me, or is it just because I’m a cripple now that you feel comfortable assuming that?

The main reason I’m avoiding getting a wheelchair even though my crutches aren’t working well for me anymore is because it will get worse. I can take most ableism, that attitude is not one I can take easily. It makes me nervous to exist in public, makes me nervous to do what’s right for my body.

Like, it’s disgusting, it pisses me the fuck off. How dare you treat me like I’m not a person anymore just because I’m disabled. And don’t pull that “well it’s hard for people to accept” bullshit. Shut up. You think that’s hard? I was a physically healthy person who went on walks everyday before this. Do you want to imagine being 17 in the middle of senior year and randomly losing that, and having no idea why, as it slowly progresses and doctors keep being useless? Does that sound awful to you? I bet it does- so then imagine you go through that, but the whole time your best friends and family are standing there and instead of supporting you, they’re obsessing over your movements and telling you to your face with no shame that they think you’re a lying attention seeking asshole. Imagine how terrible that would be. Imagine how betrayed you’d feel.

Idk, I wanna emphasize again that the people who do this are good people, because y’all seem to not want to acknowledge how normalized this treatment of disabled people is. You see it in media, comedy, conversation, everywhere. Abled people don’t want us to exist, so they accuse us of being fake and it seeps into everyone.

[beanghostprincess]

I have this thought for quite some time, coming mostly from my twitter and Reddit interactions.

I kinda love the amount of hate I see towards Buggy. People hate how Oda loves this clown and keeps bringing him up, how he is getting more connections to story, how he gets that high bounty. They hate him because he doesn’t have powers, or isn’t smart.

And the fact that so many of them try to cope by putting Mihawk in place of Buggy is incredible. Mihawk is not some lost friend who is having insanely deep contention to shanks, BUGGY IS.

But I guess he’s not “cool and powerful” enough and they don’t get why shanks could be friends with “someone like that” (actual take I saw a lot).

I can’t wait for buggy to be more important just to see everyone lose their minds. If he gets to laugh tale, the best day of my life. And I’m not even that big on Buggy

These takes make me so angry because they're just??? Not true at all??? Most of these opinions come from the general audience and dudebros who don't take the time to analyze Buggy and just accept his character the way other characters see him. Instead of stopping for a second and thinking about why he does what he does and why Oda likes him so much, they just assume he's the lame clown everyone in the OP world thinks he is. Which is, in my opinion, extremely sad. And you don't even have to analyze shit?? Like, okay, I get it. Chapter 1082 is crucial for his character and perhaps if you don't read that you might think he's useless and Oda uses him too much for what he actually does for the story (bullshit, by the way, I'm just trying to find a reasoning behind their shitty takes). But after reading 1082??????????? Okay???? Whatever. Buggy haters get on my nerves, not because they don't like Buggy, but because they don't understand him.

Saying Buggy isn't smart is uhhh. It's just not true. The fact that he's constantly placed next to the biggest, most feared, and strategic pirates in the world just doesn't help him at all to prove that, tbh. I'd be scared af if I had gone through all the things he has, honestly. Like- People- People just ignore Water 7 and the whole thing with Usopp being a coward but wanting to be more than that because of his dream and that being scared doesn't necessarily mean something bad??? I think people just forget entire arcs and scenes to post these things. Buggy might not be the bravest but he understands the pirate world better than anybody and he's genuinely smart, he's just constantly placed in situations that force his character to be scared af (for obvious reasons) and everyone looks down on him for that. Which makes total sense for his character because his whole thing is feeling inferior and being compared to others when he has many talents himself. He isn't dumb, he just has the worst luck in the whole fucking world. Or the best. It sort of depends.

I think he lost his bravery and sense of adventure when he gave up on his dream, but now that he's being more confident in the fact that he could achieve it, we will see him using his full potential. And I am so, so excited for that. The speech he gives in chapter 1082 changed my life and it's easily my favorite chapter from the whole manga. I really, really hope they do something with that. I want him to have all the wonderful scenes he deserves.

And, okay, about the Mihawk thing: I don't agree with that that much? Like, okay, I can see people often making Mishanks relationship more than what it actually is, but tbf, Mihawk is barely a character here because Oda hasn't given him screentime of his own. He's always there for another character (Shanks, Zoro, Cross guild, etc). What we do know about him is that he went all his way to find Shanks and tell him about Luffy?? Like. Okay, babe, I know what you are. What we do know is that Shanks and him have something going on and I would really like to know WHAT exactly. I'm not even a huge Mishanks shipper but I completely understand why people like it. I prefer other ships like Shuggy and Cross Guild but, well, I don't think they use Mihawk to take over Buggy's place. I think they just want Mihawk to have some story because Oda barely gives him one. But I can see where you're coming from, though. I can see a lot of people using Shuggy's dynamic for them sometimes and it bothers me because these two have their own thing and they could easily just?? Ship both things??

People saying they don't understand why Shanks would be friends with somebody like Buggy is so funny to me, because we barely know anything about Shanks either, lmfao. He's the cool and powerful role model of the main character. He's literally the most cliché thing in the whole wide world, shut up. And I absolutely love him and he has wayyy more personality than these types of characters usually have, but I am tired of seeing takes like this as if Buggy wasn't one of the most interesting characters in this manga. But, also, Shanks would just?? Kick these people's asses for this shit. Saying you don't understand why Shanks would be friends with Buggy is just admitting you think the same way people in-world think about him, which is just admitting you don't understand his character. At least people in-world think that way because they don't know Buggy's story. You know Buggy's story. You should know why Shanks is friends with him and cares so much about him. But also?? Even if Buggy truly was a fucking loser with no talent and no dreams. Saying Shanks needs a reason for being friends with him is so dumb. Have you considered that... Sometimes... Most of the time... People don't have a reason for being friends with somebody and you don't need to find a reason for somebody's love?? Like- Perhaps Shanks just fucking loves Buggy because that's his childhood friend and he doesn't care about his abilities or talents. Perhaps he just loves him for who he is. I don't think it's that hard to understand, honestly.

You're not that big on Buggy, but I am. I really am. He's probably getting a tragic ending with Shanks but I do not care. If he ever gets to Laugh Tale or- Or if he ends up believing in himself finally. If he gets closure with him (which he will get, because Oda loves these two too much to leave them without closure). I will be the happiest person in the whole world. My mind and body say "Luffy king of the pirates!!" but my heart cries of happiness every time I think about Buggy being the king. I love him so fucking much.

[zombiee-reviews]

Rogio character discussion / breakdown.

• The coward • The asshole • The useless

If you can’t tell, I’m having fun with these lmao.

WARNING! THIS DOC CONTAINS LOTS OF INFORMATION AND WALL TEXT BECAUSE ROGIO IS REALLY THAT SHITTY LMAO.

So after doing a discussion with Ranach, my next victim is going to be Rogio.

Rogio is rather an easy character to breakdown, considering his actions is a huge contradiction to what Kique has his personality set too in the wiki.

-

What I will be going over:

• What we know of Rogio’s early life

• Why I feel he is just a shit character

• His friends with benefi- I mean, relationship with Roamer.

• How he is a huge self insert of Kique

• His weird on and off trauma(s)

• His wiki personality is one thing, but the comic shows another.

( Topics are in no particular order, my brain likes to splatter information everywhere lmao. )

-

So first, I am going to start with what we know of Rogio’s early life. Unfortunately, Rogio doesn’t really talk much about his early life, before MT. What we are told is he was once in a tribe named Snowcap Tribe and they once lived on the Meteor Summit. Rogio also mentions how someone angered a spirit up there and the spirit completely wiped out everyone. Obviously, later in the comic, his brother Iberon survived and was the cause of the spirit destroying the Tribe, but Rogio does not know this.

It is interesting to me how none of these comic characters talk about their backstory, but in Rogio’s case, he only brings up bad things in his backstory so everyone feels bad for him.

Why does Rogio never talk about his brother? His family? His traumatic experiences? You would think we would have some moments of Rogio confiding in Roamer and talking over the events that happened. It would have been good leverage to use his night beast form as past traumas he hasn’t gotten over. Personally, I feel like Kique didn’t come up with Rogio having a sibling that is alive until he made Ranach visit SS. Because this validates Ranach yoinking everyone in SS, because Iberon reminds him so much of Rogio. Ranach even puts two and two together that this COULD be Rogio’s brother. But as readers, we never see a scene where Rogio EVER talks about his sibling(s), or his past. And quite frankly it bothers me? The characters just feel like robots with no backstory, morals, or humanity / humility. They are just puppets to whatever Kique feels like having them do - in MT’s case, puppets to Rogio.

-

Let’s be honest, Rogio is by far the worst character in Home. Kique likes to label this guy as one of his best characters and will literally protect / defend him at all costs. WHY? I don’t know, maybe it’s because Rogio is a literal carbon copy of Kique in the comic.

It becomes obvious that Rogio is a self insert of Kique when Roamer and Rogio return to MT, after leaving Midnightgarde.

Roamer has a falling out with Kargo and we are shown nosy - ass Rogio listening in. We are then shown that Rogio is battling his own demons and pretty much forcing Roamer to cater to him because he wants to return to MT with Roamer. Kind of funny how Roamer doesn’t ask Rogio why tf he was listening to a private conversation… But anyway.

Even though Roamer and Kargo literally just broke up, Rogio thinks it’s a great idea to back stab his long time friend Kargo and sleep with his ex. How trustworthy Rogio is. I mean hell, Rogio makes the first move on Roamer. And then in a co-dependent manner, Rogio is suddenly healed from his demons, after sleeping with Roamer that night. Even Roamers face shows this “Oh god, Kique is going to use me as NSFW content with this dweeb in the future.” Lmao.

Also Rogio says he didn’t join the Tribe by choice, but he could have left by choice. Rogio had the luxury of leaving the walls when he wanted too, he could have easily just took off one day. He wasn’t that trapped. -_-

One thing I find funny on Rogio returning to MT, was he KNEW there was a possibility that Ranach was still there. So obviously, Kargo was right when he told Roamer that he returned to MT to sleep with Ranach once again. Of course, this is quickly covered up. But it’s obvious to me that Rogio was willing to see Ranach once more and then later in the comic acted like seeing Ranach again would be the end of his world. THEN WHY DID YOU RETURN TO MT IDIOT??

If Ranach terrified / traumatized you SO MUCH, why would you return to MT knowing there was a chance he’d be there, or knowing there was a chance Ranach would return? Didn’t factor that one in, huh buddy?

After reading the documents Staz put out on how Kique was in their relationship, Rogio describes Kique to a damn T. It would also make sense why all the main characters oogle over him, or ask for his advice even tho it’s out of place. Rogio IS Kique.

I mean hell, I absolutely HATE that the MT females don’t gut Rogio for not doing squat for them while he was in MT. When Rogio does return to MT I hate when I see Inna say “We’re glad to have you back Rogio!” GIRL WHAT. This pile of dog crap didn’t bother to save anybody, he had a chance to rebel with Kargo the first time and didn’t do anything! He was too busy banging Ranach and trying to raise his own position in MT as a Baron WITH Ranach. Realistically, NOBODY should be happy to see him!

Oh and let’s not forget Ronja giving him special privileges to call her by her actual name. And then suddenly making him Baron of MT, even though he hasn’t proved his skills to her. Ronjas stupid as well for just giving that much responsibility / status to someone SHE BARELY KNOWS. But it’s ✨ ROGIO ✨

Then came the time when Rogio was completely useless to his rank as a Baron. He’d let everyone go do the work for him when it came time to rid of Ranach and Avanti. He always used the excuse of not wanting to see Ranach, because Ranach was his “abuser”. The goofy thing about this is, Rogio was completely accepting of seeing Ranach again when he was coming back from Midnightgarde.. Also, why would you return to the very place your abuser lives? Why did you come back to MT knowing Ranach would still be around? It’s all dumb writing to me. I understand why Roamer returned, but Rogio could have very easily went his own way and start his own life.

Then another contradiction that Rogio creates for himself, is when he is in the healer hut saying “If anyone had a problem with it, they would have voiced their concern at the meeting.” But when Vigr asks Rogio to use himself to lure Ranach into a trap, Rogio suddenly throws a fit like a child and suffers from a “PTSD” attack. Again, idk why you would want to torment yourself so badly and come back to a place where your abuser is still around. Don’t make sense to me!!

But because Rogio was absolutely useless in the fight against Avanti and decided to not be apart of it, MT lost two members! Fuss and Jonna! Bro, you’re a Baron, a second in command, you don’t get to just kick your feet up. If you felt you weren’t ready to be a Baron, then why the hell did you accept it anyway? You could have easily told Ronja NO, I don’t want to be a Baron, I can’t handle that much responsibility right now. But because Rogio wasn’t there and his help could have potentially saved Fuss and Jonna, we lose them.

I mean shit, Fuss had more of a reason to stay behind, for his daughter! But he went anyway. Then we have lame ass Rogio who doesn’t want to sEe HiS aBuSeR. Even tho he has an entire tribe to protect him from Ranach!

Then came the time when Ranach was attacking the wall with Avanti. I just LOVE that Ronja says “You are the second strongest to Kargo go protect the cave entrance!” Basically saying “Just go run away and be useless!” If Rogio is the second strongest, why is he off diddling in a cave while everyone else has to go face Oreo dog? Oh that’s right! Plot armor! And Kiques way of further dragging the story of Ranach not knowing Rogio is alive yet! And yet furthering my reasons of why Rogio is fucking useless at everything. I mean he needed help from a pup to “kill” Avanti.

Then of course, when Rogio plays this game of ignoring Roamer and goes with Ronja to Tinget. What an asshole. I mean look at the face he is giving Roamer before he leaves??? Not only this, but Ronja ain’t the smartest of the bunch, because anyone can see that her tribe member is not himself, but sure buddy! Show me the way with just us two alone to Tinget! I mean hell, the comic doesn’t really show a relationship / friendship with Ronja or Rogio. Ronja is forced to like Rogio and act like she knows anything about him from Kique, because he is with her family member, Roamer. I mean she can at least see that Rogio is being a bit of a dick to Roamer, but she somehow doesn’t stand up against Rogio and defend her family member. She’s definitely got that minding her own business down lol.

Going to fast forward to the time when Ronja and Rogio are seen after Tinget. They are camping and Rogio miraculously knows that Fjall is spooking at something else other than a night beast. Rogio completely goes feral on this strange dog spying on them. But what would make me uncomfortable in Ronjas position is she had to really put some force in her voice to get Rogio to stop threatening him. Giiirl, that would make me nervous, because you’re alone with ROGIO lmao.

Later, Rogio and Ronja return to MT and Rogio attempts to run off, but cowers out. Heh, wuss. I don’t understand why he didn’t just do it while she was asleep, but to wait last minute while you’re on the border of MT. It just makes it easier for everyone to follow your scent?? IDK.

Once Rogio is in the void with Kargo after fighting his night beast form, the whole scene that follows once they leave is total bullshit. The whole “A punch long overdue.” From Kargo is so wrong in so many ways, if anything, ROGIO deserves that punch from Kargo. Rogio has been nothing but a dickwad to everyone since day one, he damn near isn’t redeemable either. But Kique thinks because Rogio saves Kargo and kills his night beast, it clears anything Rogio has done in the past.

When Kargo says “I have brought so much pain into his life” I think Kique meant for Rogio to say that. I mean Rogio was the biggest asshole to Roamer?? Only thing Kargo has done was just get upset with him over Ferah, and leave him, other than that I haven’t really seen Kargo be a dick to Roamer like Rogio. I mean hell, at least Kargo COMMUNICATES, even if it is when he gets angry.

And what follows after is just sad. I hate how out of character Kique writes Kargo just to benefit Rogio. But I am happy to see the lions wacking Rogio around lmao.

It wasn’t obvious in the beginning, but after finding out Rogio suggests a poly relationship to Roamer, it then becomes obvious Kique planned this shit. He planned a polyship and the three of them to have a child as well, which would be Diarko. Which is dumb as hell, considering his mother is actually alive. But Kique writes her as a mother lacking any maternity instincts, cause she just leaves him with MT? It becomes clear to me that the MT storyline is actually all about Rogio and whatever orbits around him.

Then as they return to MT, suddenly Kargo and Rogio become the best of friends. Okay I get it, Rogio saved him. But honestly, it looks like Kargo didn’t want to be saved. And besides that, Rogio and Kargo had no chemistry together. Just because Kargo dies and Rogio brings him back to life does not undo anything?? Kargo should really be like, okay thanks for bringing me back to life, buh bye dude.

Then Galti, Alva and Javo leave and they have this whole conversation that Ranach may return. Which he potentially could. Obviously brainless Rogio didn’t think this through. Sure bringing back Kargo is cool and all, but it ups the risks once more and puts MT in danger again. But Kique wants us to love Rogio because he brought Kargo back, not even factoring in the risks! What a smart guy!

-

Now I’ll be going over his weird / abusive af relationship that he has with Roamer.

When Roamer returns from Midnightgarde after giving Ferah and Kargo a thoughtful farewell. Roamer approaches Rogio and gives this whole speech about how the irbloss are the ones that wanted Roamer to see Rogio. WROOONG. Rogio was suppose to die that night, according to others who had script privileges, or heard it from word of mouth from Kique. Yes, that’s right people, Rogio was suppose to die after Ranach sacrificed him. But for some odd reason, Kique chose this wonderful dog to implement himself into. :-)

What also strikes me weird, is how Roamer was shy with Kargo but not with Rogio. Especially after their breakup. I perceived Roamer as shy with Kargo because a MxM relationship was brand new to him and he was figuring himself out. But when it came to Rogio, suddenly that shyness disappeared and he became the more “dominant” one, all in the course of a few days.

Then, Rogio gives this bullshit speech to Roamer about how he feels this relationship is right and he gets a sense of freedom being with him. I’m sorry, but seeing how Rogio treats Roamer in the future, I take this as love bombing and manipulation from Rogio.

Oh also, I hate how Roamer acts like he knows everything about Rogio when he confronts Kargo. “You have no right to talk like you know either of them.” Roamer???? Kargo literally spent years with Rogio in MT and you really want to tell him that?? You’ve only known Rogio for a few days?? Oh! That’s right. This scene is Kique trying to convince his audience that Kargo is the problem, not Rogio. But it’s absolutely hilarious how Roamer goes on the defensive with Kargo over Rogio, like he’s known Rogio his whole life. GET OUT OF HERE BOI.

I also hate how rushed their relationship is. Once Roamer returns from Midnightgarde, they have this forced chemistry about them. It’s almost like they’ve been together for quite a long time, but factoring the pacing, it’s only been a few days?? A week? I mean right from the get go, Rogio is already trying to bang Roamer, when he returns from saying goodbye to Ferah and Kargo.. And also when they wake up the next morning, this behavior is a damn red flag for me?

Also, why the hell did Roamer fail to tell Ronja he returned first? Oh yeah, cause poor Rogipoo needed Roamer to fend off his demons that he should PROBABLY deal with on his own. But Kique made Roamer the one that deals with all of Rogio’s problems.

Also Ronja acting like she knows Rogio, AT ALL. “And Rogio deserves someone like you, after everything he’s been through.” I mean all of chapter nine is pretty much about coddling up to Rogio, even tho Roamer and Ronja don’t know jack shit about him. UGH.

Then of course, Rogio keeping secrets. Roamer had to find out about Rogio and Ranachs relationship, instead of Rogio just telling him. Idk why it was an issue? But if Rogio felt such strong feelings for Roamer, why does he feel the need to not confide in him about something like that, but instead hide it. Then of course, more coddling Rogio over Ranach, even tho Ranach was never shown to abuse Rogio lmfao.

Also why tf was Rogio and Roamer making out like that in front of everyone when Kargo and Ferah are at the gate? There is a literal child right there you freaking creeps.

Then of course, poor Rogipoo couldn’t sleep when Kargo returned, so Roamer is like ITS OKAY BUDDY! I’ll do all of your chores! Go back to sleep!! Damn, I wish I could have someone do my chores because I couldn’t sleep lmfao. Bastard didn’t even say thank you to Roamer lol.

And of course Roamer trying to protect Rogio from Kargo once more. “Do you think he’s proud of the things he’s done?” Girl, I haven’t once seen Rogio take accountability or talk about past things, unless it involved pitying Rogio. It was always poor Rogio! Never, screw Rogio for leaving the MT females to be raped, while he was trying to raise his position in MT and didn’t seem BOTHERED about trying to change anything. Yeah, screw you man.

Then, my all time favorite scene with Kargo whooping Rogio’s ass, rightfully. Everything Kargo says is completely the truth about Rogio. But of course, Kique handles this as Kargo being the asshole and this is suppose to be some half ass redemption arc for Rogio and somehow we’re suppose to feel bad for him here. I mean cmon man, Kargo has the right to be pissed off at Rogio. He literally crept in and immediately started pulling moves on Roamer, DAYS after their break up!

And before Roamer even came into the picture, when Rogio and Kargo were in old MT together. It’s APPARENT that Rogio has backstabbed Kargo before and ( “You turned your back on me the day our bond mattered the most.” ) then did it again when Roamer left him. So why the fuck would any of us feel bad for Rogio here? I think I can speak for all of us logical readers here, we all side with Kargo, Kique.

I also hate that part when Rogio was telling Kargo “We needed each other.” NEEDED WHAT EXACTLY?! A bang buddy?!

And then Kargo asking Rogio if he loves Roamer. OF COURSE HE DOESNT! He is just using Roamer as a bang buddy! Bro literally couldn’t contain himself in front of a CHILD.

Aaaaah, now comes the juicy bits of their relationship. Rogio becomes the victim of his own self pity and decides to stone wall Roamer, because that’s TOTALLY something you should do in a healthy relationship. He does this QUITE a bit with Roamer, later in the comic.

But! You did hit the nail on the head by saying you can’t do anything as a Baron, so that’s why you’ve stepped down. Good job in that self reflection Rogio!

And of course the nightmares return and what does freaking Roamer do? Tries to bang him. Like??? Yall see this? It’s pretty sad that Roamer thinks sex is the way to comfort / get too Rogio. Because when it comes to touchy subjects like that, sex is the answer for him. Not talking it out, I guess. Because guess what! Rogio shoves Roamer off and ignores him! More stonewalling! Guess that didn’t work, Roamer!

Even when Rogio returns from the Tinget meeting, we have even more stonewalling! In typical Rogio fashion, he’s always giving them sad eyes and walking off. You’re pathetic man.

Then to nobodies surprise, chapter 12 begins with pathetic ass Rogio’s nightmares again. Of course, he walks out. Roamer attempts to comfort him and ask him to talk about what he dreamt about, nothing wrong here as Roamer is trying to support / comfort Rogio. But of course Rogio avoids anything Roamer tells him. I mean Roamer is in tears, pushing aside everything and asking him to love and touch him. But then AGAIN, Rogio walks tf out and leaves him alone to cry about it. Here’s a trophy for biggest asshole of this story, Rogio.

As the stonewalling progresses, it then manifests into Rogio trying to sneak out without telling anyone. At least be courteous and TELL SOMEONE. It’s really not that fucking hard to communicate to someone and say “Hey I need my space! So I am leaving for a little bit.” But of course Rogio wants to draw attention on himself and have the whole Tribe worry about him and possibly go search for him. This could have possibly caused more unnecessary deaths, but thankfully Roamer was able to stop him… With sex. Not sure how you can be in love with someone who just wants to bang you, stone wall you and be an absolute ass to you. Rogio is a walking red flag, Roamer lol.

-

Now my final thing will be Rogio’s weird plot convenient traumas.

Obviously, we’re all aware of Rogio fighting his night beast form and once he comes across the spirit that sends him to the void to fight the night beast, we see more trauma in the sky above him. Except these aren’t any traumas, it’s kind of funny how it’s mostly about Kargo calling out Rogio’s shitty ass behavior, but apparently this is traumatic for Rogio. Well, don’t be an asshole???

And then came the time recently when Rogio suggested that MT can move to his old tribes territory. May I remind you that this is his family’s graveyard? And the territory had a spirit absolutely ravage the whole area, killing the tribe? One would think Rogio would be traumatized from this, but guess what? HE ISNT. Nope! The words of his old families territory rings nothing in Rogio’s empty head. But the poor sop can’t even face Ranach with a whole tribe standing behind him.

I think it’s another dick move for Rogio to not mention anything to Ronja or the tribe about what happened in his old territory. Kique, buddy, you try so hard to make this asshat look good, but end up short every time. You will never change my mind on how I feel about Rogio. SORRY CHUMP.

-

Also all of Rogio’s positive personality traits are all bullshit lol. That trustworthy, loyal and courageous one made me laugh LOUDLY.

-

Notes:

Tbh I had to cut some things out and focus mainly on Rogio’s behaviors, so I may have missed some things. The conclusion of this is to show people and potentially show die hard fans of Home that Rogio really isn’t that great. Kique tries to shine him under a bright light, but he just ends up making a fool out of Rogio.

Rogio should have died the night Kique said he would.

-

Also apologies for this taking so long! Rogio is the worst mess in this comic, as you read.

[stylecouncil]

i just cannot get over the fact that she thinks she can pull out of a nonrefundable festival last minute when her fans spent hundreds of dollars on tickets and hotels and transport and used their pto. like a. she straight up does not care about her fans at all and seems to actually resent them at worst and just not understand/care what kind of effect her decisions have on working people bc she isnt one of them at best and b. i go to my 18 dollars an hour service industry job mentally ill every single day bc if i call out last minute i will get fired so i really dont want to hear how horrible and hard it is to be a pop star ...

it wouldn’t even be so bad if she didn’t feel the need to run this weird commentary about how it’s all “fames” fault or their fault or something. like I can understand having resentment toward a fanbase or whatever like some of my favorite artists have a sometimes contentious relationship with their fans and in the right scenario that can be quite interesting/have purpose but it’s just like…..you make shitty music with no lyrical substance and lied about being from a trailer park. that’s who you are. you make music for bad tiktok playlists. like if have enough of your wits about you to make stupid backpedaling tiktoks about how you’re voting for kamala harris to bend to your stupid fans demands can’t you show up for a concert? you’re not lying half dead in an alleyway somewhere not aware of what day it is like you’re fine. most people get up and go to work through far worse. like not to sound like some old ass “this generation is so soft” person because like I don’t feel that way, I just think there’s a certain sort of archetype of annoying upper middle class thread of this generation that feels so completely soft and useless to me and she’s like the poster girl for it. can’t speak in anything but tiktok buzzwords even when talking about her “art”, professes to have “radical queer” ideas but tows the line as soon as they’re met with any resistance, takes upon airs of rural poverty and destitution that they have no actual material claim to. it’s just culturally dire to me.

[our-nonbinary-experience]

This universe can be so unfair and shitty.

I have a friend who helped be realize I was Not Cis in high school—they are non-binary, and they are still one of my closest friends, if not THE closest friend I have. They’re cool, talented, absolutely full of humor. They’ve gone through some of the worst shit one could go through in high school, but they’re still here. And I’m forever grateful for that.

However, after last summer, we travelled our separate ways; me to university, and them to go straight into the job market in a big US city. They have ADHD and find school an absolute abhorrent nightmare (understandable) so they thought it would be the better option.

We talk over discord and VC a lot. We have a shared interest in the game Sky: Children of the Light because we can hang out together in-game and talk about it together. We talk about a lot of other things, too. Even after months of not seeing each other in-person, I would still say they’re my best friend. I love them so dearly and I would do anything for them if they needed it.

But thus, the story doesn’t end there, does it?

They often talk about how often they are being sexually harassed at work; men pulling them aside and grabbing their waist, even older men flirting. It’s a senior home, so not everyone is bound to understand the whole non-binary stuff. They’ve reported it. Management does fuck all. It fills me with so much damn rage every time I hear about another incident.

They’ve also told me how disconnected they now feel from their gender identity; how hopeless they feel about possibly never being able to afford top surgery, basically cosplaying as a girl 24/7 because everyone they’ve told about their gender has treated it like a joke.

I didn’t know how to respond when they told me that. I just felt so useless. I’ve always been one to take charge and be there for the people I care about. But we are quite literally a thousand miles apart; I can’t be there. I used to be able to hug them while telling them that everything would be ok.

Now, all they hear is my voice, which never knows what to say to make it better.

I feel bad for having a queer community to cherish in my university while they have nobody to help them. I feel bad for having the ability to even go to and excel in university when they felt they couldn’t. I just feel bad for doing kind-of-well when they’re not.

This isn’t to throw a pity party for myself. I simply don’t know how to handle this. I love them, I do. I only want them to feel comfy and safe and happy, but the universe is really saying no. How is this fair?

-Apollo (he/xe/it)

I’m so sorry! Encouraging them to find some queer support groups or anything like that in their city might help them! I’m sure you just being there over the phone is super helpful to them!

[shallowseeker]

srry for the giant wall of rambles I got too thinky bc I was chopping apples and having a suspiciously nice day

do you think cas actually likes bees or if its a fandom trait based on Crazy!Cas who liked bees because of the hivemind resembling heaven?

also i imagine heaven and angels like parasitic creatures while hell is leeches/fungi/deep sea type scavengers

You're apologizing to ME about giant walls? Now, that is a little funny.

BEES & THE QUEST FOR MEANING I've gone back and forth on the bees, but mostly I think it's harmless, and I've made peace with the fact that I'm just not that into it.

Over time I've landed on putting the bees in a more biblical/theological space and leaving them there. I don't even think Cas liked them so much as he was desperately checking out of life and struggling to find meaning in a universe that felt monotonous and horrific -> the wars and sex and the unhappy dogs that can only think in ovals.

Because of his shame and depression, Cas could find no meaning or joy in the rat-race of life. He wants to be a non-participant because, “I destroyed everything and I will destroy everything again.”

Here, I view Cas as Ecclesiastes. He was despairing over meaninglessness and the useless "striving of wind." I do think it was a motif that was 100% on purpose, too, because war, work, and career dealings are accompanied by fans, windmills, and industrial stirrings a lot in SPN!

It's very cool. It even appears in The Winchesters companion series, when Mary is facing her childhood!

//

Other Cas Things Interest Me More

Anyway, Cas and bees. Cas doesn't ever really return to them again after he moves past his struggle with his season 7 nihilism/meaninglessness. He seems more enamored with trash TV than bees. "I missed television," is the very first thing he says after getting out of Purgatory, lol.

He doesn't seem like much of an environmentalist either and seems perfectly willing to hand-slaughter pigs and eat shitty food. (To me, Lucifer seems like more of the environmentalist or even AU Zachariah from season 13's Good Intentions.) Or even Cain!

I think in later seasons, Cas seems vaguely aware of and attempting to be appreciative of the fleetingness of the time he has with his human family.

We see this theme in Naomi's words sometime in season 14 (I think?):

NAOMI: "Everything ends, Castiel."

We see it again in Cas’s words to Jack in season 14’s Ouroboros:

CAS: "The point is that they were here at all and you got to know them, you. When they're gone, it will hurt, but that hurt will remind you of how much you loved them."

He also, unlike characters like Sam, seems to not get too hung up on agonizing over moral relativism -> judging from his words to Claire in season 10's The Things We Left Behind:

CAS: "Yes, well, um… Before, I was very self-assured. I was convinced I was on this righteous path. Now I realize that there is no righteous path. It’s just people trying to do their best in a world where it’s far too easy to do your worst."

And then, there's also his words to Apocalypse-World Cas, "We're the same," & "Yes, we are."

My point is, Cas seems to have made peace with and understands that morality is relative to where your allegiances lie, and he seems good with preferring his allyship to humans.

He also seems to be more focused on the here and now rather than preserving the future indefinitely, which in my mind, goes with bees-as-work and bees-as-future.

You could argue that Jack changes that for him in 12x19 The Future, but I’m not sure… It still seems pretty family- and legacy-focused.

///

HEAVEN AS HIVEMIND This is another area where I really break from the fandom.

I don't view Heaven as a hivemind so much as I view it as a police state/military power, or else I don't think it would be structured the way it is. It's got this rigid party propganada, "We're heartless. Only humans feel emotions and true joy." I view it more as a surveillance state.

On the whole, I think Angelicity deals with the motif of epic, professional repression. On a lower level of existence, I'm reminded of the studies where men say they don't feel emotions but test as having them in equal or more intense measure when you measure psychological arousal and adrenal stress. I view Angelicity as a narrative exaggeration of traditional, brutal, stoic masculinity— a higher, Heavenly masculinity carried to its extreme.

It's got insanely brutal, inhumane emotional expectations. Grace, as my lovely father pointed out, looks a lot like traditional view on virility; it’s powerful and heals all sorts of emotional and physical ailments, but it’s finite and prone to performance issues.

//

In the show, practically every angel we see onscreen rebels, and angels are a huge motif for ongoing Civil War -> "brother against brother."

Despite what Lucifer and Cas and Naomi say, most angels are shown to have their own ideas, and on the whole, are shown to be reckless, angry, wrathful, impulsive, incredibly petty, and emotionally volatile.

I think what tends to happen is people hear the party line about heartlessness and obedience, and that clouds them from what the series actually shows us again and again: angels rebelling left and right and being brutally beaten down and lobotomized for it. (The lobotomies don’t even work all the way!)

Angels have constant, ongoing Civil War because they disagree with each other, even when there's only a handful of them left (Ex: Dumah Vs. Naomi in season 14).

Cas is not unique. That's the tragedy of authoritarianism. He only THINKS he is.

Cas's tendency to think of himself as unique and to think of his dealings with other angels as being "like teaching poetry to fish," is why he reaches for tyrannical god power in the first place. He thinks that, because they don't agree with him, they somehow don't have free will. Which is… kind of a flawed premise.

It's very complicated...but I think the reality is that until recently, Cas was right there with them, beaten down and hammered into shape. Hell, roll back a few years, and he'd have slaughtered himself alongside the others.

//

I think back to Anna's insistence that angels can't feel and are heartless, which is itself contradictory because Anna wouldn't have fallen in the first place if she had been emotionless to start with.

I prefer that she fell to be "allowed" to experience the emotions she probably already had…and had brutally repressed over eons of military dissociation and totalitarian training.

//

Being a soldier wears on you:

We see that, the longer Dean is a soldier, the more he too begins to lose sight of what is right or wrong. Season 15 Dean is so distraught and lost that he vaguely resembles season 4 soldier!Cas.

CAS: "I don't know what's right or wrong, or if you passed or failed here."

//

I LIKE YOUR COOL IDEA!

i imagine heaven and angels like parasitic creatures while hell is leeches/fungi/deep sea type scavengers

Deep sea creatures and fungi are wicked cool. See, you have ideas! You should just write them. I'd read that. Deep sea creatures would make excellent demons too, what with the whole "absence of light" and being down deep and all.

There's something horrific about being alive on all levels, isn't there? We all have to consume something to keep going. One of my fave religious essays is called The Horror of Eating, and it posits that Gods are so scary to us because we naturally put them above us, with us as the food/sacrifice to them. Brrr. This is why the sacrifice motif appears so often.

I guess...as humans, we empathize and humanize our food sources, which is a big part of our incredible neuroses...

[lizhly-writes]

one day i'll actually work on the canon of this original fiction instead of going off on an offbeat au. that day is not today. anyway here's the chen siblings being violent people i guess

Chen Liwei wishes he could threaten people. His face is hostile enough that it stops people from talking to him, but apparently not enough for him to scare them in a way that matters. Sure, they’ll be scared for the first five minutes --- an hour, if he’s really lucky --- but that’s not enough for them to rethink that dumb thing they want to do to him or his sister.

To make an impact that lasts longer, Chen Liwei usually has to beat people up.

Today, it’s some of his sister’s crazy stalkers.

“They’re technically not stalkers,” Chen Lihua says, not because she actually disagrees with his word choice, but because she’s a little shit who likes to argue with him for the sake of arguing.

“Fuck off,” Chen Liwei says.

“Don’t be so touchy,” Chen Lihua says, and then, “Hey, do you think if I’ll actually kill him if I hit him again?” She twirls the bat in her hand consideringly.

Chen Liwei gives the prone body in front of him a kick. Not too hard --- just to enough to budge it by a couple centimeters. It’d be nice if he was allowed to break some ribs, but --

“You’re not allowed to kill people, that’s illegal,” Chen Liwei says reluctantly. There’s a limit to how much damage they’re allowed to do. Too much, and then it’s not reasonable retaliation or just kids being kids or whatever the fuck the school or the police lets people get away with. It looks bad, and they can’t afford to look too bad if they want to be properly accepted to a good university.

Even if there are absolutely some people who deserve to die.

“How disappointing,” Chen Lihua says.

“Completely disappointing,” Chen Liwei says.

“I really can’t understand it,” Chen Liwei says, her lips curling. “It sounds so nice, saying you’re in love, but isn’t all of this just to get your dick wet with someone you barely know? I should tear that useless thing off, shouldn’t I?”

“Illegal,” Chen Liwei repeats.

“Fuck off,” Chen Lihua says. Thoughtfully, she taps her bat against the ground --- no, against the body, that’ll be another bruise right there. “Hey, Ge. Speaking of romance--”

“Is there someone you like?” Chen Liwei says skeptically, wrinkling his nose. Considering what they’re doing literally right now, that doesn’t seem right.

Chen Lihua snorts. “I’m not talking about me, I’m talking about you.”

“Are you dumb?” Chen Liwei says.

Chen Lihua makes a rude noise. “You’re in a good mood these days, is all I’m saying. And there aren’t that many reasons for you to be in a good mood and also not tell me about it. Is there a beautiful sister-in-law I should be looking out for?”

Chen Liwei feels his face twist involuntarily.

“No?” Chen Lihua says. “That looks like a no. How tragic, I was looking forward to hearing about how some brave white lotus melted the heart of the school’s cool aloof beauty, and together, they bravely faced the world, overcoming all trials with the power of love--”

Chen Liwei shoves a hand over her face.

“Dickhead,” Chen Lihua says.

“Don’t make me throw up,” Chen Liwei says. “Why do you read so many shitty romance novels?”

“A better question is why don’t you read any shitty romance novels.”

“Because I don’t feel like eating trash.”

“Don’t sound so disgusted, there’s a certain appeal to eating trash--”

The body at their feet groans. As one, Chen Liwei and Chen Lihua kick it.

“Anyway,” Chen Lihua says. “So I don’t have a beautiful sister-in-law.”

“Why would you even think that.”

“Well, it’s true you really have been in a better mood,” Chen Lihua says. “Also, last week, some bitch tried flirting with you at lunch and you didn’t make her instantly regret existing.”

Chen Liwei wrinkles his nose in automatic revulsion. Flirting is annoying at best, rage-inducing at worst. Who wants this sort of attention? There’s no respect there. It’s only masses of people who want his body and face, all in the most revolting way possible. That sort of thing is enough to ruin his day.

...Which is why he really should have remembered if it happened last week.

“What?” Chen Liwei says. “Really?”

“You know,” Chen Lihua simpers, shifting her voice high and breathy as she demurely lowers her lashes. “It’s just --- you were so impressive when you dealt with Qi Mingtao earlier. So dashing and handsome! Actually, I’ve always thought you were a really cool person. I --- I just really wondered --- would you want to--- ?”

“You’re going to make me throw up,” Chen Liwei says flatly.

“You keep saying that but you never do it,” Chen Lihua cackles. “Gege, your stomach isn’t as sensitive you think it is! But yeah, it went a little like that. You really truly don’t remember?”

“Should I?”

“It’s not like it was a stranger. It was one of your classmates. Han Aihan?”

The name is vaguely familiar. It takes a moment, but he eventually associates it with a face. He has no memory of talking with it last week.

Chen Liwei shrugs.

“Shit, she’s been going around saying that clearly, you like her because you didn’t bother scaring her off and also wow, you smiled at her, and what, you weren’t even paying attention? Hey, do you even know who she is?”

Of course Chen Liwei knows who she is. He knows all of his classmates by name, even if he doesn’t remember straight off the bat. Generally speaking, Han Aihan is an average girl with no particular academic talent, extracurricular talent, or even social talent. In other words: “Nothing special.”

“I’ll pay you to say that to her face,” Chen Lihua says gleefully.

“No deal,” Chen Liwei says. “If you want to her to hear it so badly, say it yourself.”

“Ah, you’re no fun. Poor Han Aihan, she’s so unimportant to you that you can’t even be bothered to crush her heart personally. If she flat-out confessed to you, would you even hear it or would it just be ‘huh? Oh, were you talking to me?’”

With some effort, Chen Liwei vaguely recalls Han Aihan saying... something to him. Chen Lihua was right --- at the time, he really hadn’t been paying attention.

“Huh,” Chen Liwei says.

“You’re normally better at remaining awake and alert,” Chen Lihua says. “What were you distracted by? Thinking good thoughts? About what? Oooh, did somebody die?”

He’d honestly been thinking about the offended expression on Wu Youxuan’s face when he saw Chen Liwei’s perfect test score.

“How are you even doing this,” Wu Youxuan hissed. “You spend all of your time either at your job or beating people up, what kind of study medicine are you even taking that you can just casually walk in and get the best goddamn score, stop smiling I’m going to beat your face in --”

“You’d know if somebody died,” Chen Liwei says, and then, because he owes his sister honesty, says, “I have a...”

What’s the word he’s looking for? Acquaintance? Lackey? Victim?

“...Friend?” Chen Liwei finishes skeptically.

Even before their parents had died, Chen Lihua had always been the more social one of them. Back then, Chen Liwei had been abstractly aware of what friendship was, but he’d never really bothered with anything more than surface level relationships. A healthy classroom atmosphere where it was easy to find partners for class projects and maybe a game of basketball --- and that was pretty much all he cared about. After...

Well, he stopped caring about even that, eventually.

Anyway.

Is Wu Youxuan a friend? Maybe for lack of a better word, but Chen Liwei is almost certain he isn’t treating Wu Youxuan nice enough for that. Should he treat Wu Youxuan nicer?

“A friend,” Chen Lihua says dubiously. “You.”

“I’m allowed to have friends,” Chen Liwei says. “You have friends.”

This is a lie. Chen Lihua doesn’t have friends. She has ‘friends’: people that she chats with and laughs with, but doesn’t actually expend any real care or feeling for. She’s explained this before. Something about keeping a pleasant atmosphere, something about feeling like your ‘friends’ are friends, even if they badmouth you behind your back. It’s a lot of effort for not very much payoff, keeping on a fake face, day after day, always ready for the knife in the back.

Chen Liwei doesn’t really get it.

Wu Youxuan is at least upfront about the desire he has to stab Chen Liwei in the face.

“You’re smiling,” Chen Lihua observes.

“Well,” Chen Liwei says. Wu Youxuan is really funny when he wants to stab Chen Liwei in the face.

[kinemonsassbiter]

MY THOUGHTS ON YAMATO

Yamato has a mixed rep in fandom, because someone can't stand her while others adore. It would be obvious what i myself think about this oni through my text.

To be short I'm her slander /s. And if i want to make it long...

I have several big problems with Yamato that makes it hard for me to enjoy this character in any sense.

1. She doesn't feel as if this character should even belong in here.

Feels as if Yamato either from absolutely different anime or as if she decided to came in plot too late. I'm not talking about how OP Yamato is (even if it is kinda true and makes her look a bit like Mary Sue), if that was the only problem i would not mind it any sense abd be be just very happy. Yamato just... doesn't sit with me right, she got too late into arc to really gave her space to show out. Despite how much i love Wano there was no way on adding whole new important character right in 3rd act at fucking final battle AND make it not stand out as something unexpected (in a bad way). I'm very happy that she didn't sailed with Strawhats, but it makes her words on joining Luffy & co even more strange because...

2. It makes Yamato useless and unnecessary plot device.

Not just in sence that Yamato would be unnecessary in team but just in general. Most of her actions either can get cut off and nothing is going to change, or that action could've been done by anyone but her. Luffy would have beat Kaido either way, Momonosuke would have overcome own fears either way, etc. Her only important part of story - is Ace flashback. And even it feels for me...forced. That's all. The saddest part is - Yamato in end of acr is exactly THE SAME character we first in her first appearance. She wanted to be free and be Oden - she still wants to be free and be Oden. No change. Yamato don't have any mental conflicts at this point, even these little that we were shown are happening in flashbacks and not in our time. That's really bad. Even her conflicts about self-identity got wasted because...

3. "I'm Oden" thing is not funny.

This joke was funny the first time, the second time, the others time it was rather annoying at best and creepy and worst. I know why Yamato does that - thanks to Kaido being a shitty father - but it is not an excuse for this obsession looking rather less disturbing. I kinda feel sad for Momo and Kin to be honest. Imagine seeing some stranger calling themselves with name of your dead father/friend that you cared for very much. It is kinda better in anime but in manga it's rather makes Yamato look more unlikable (and Oda knows that for sure). She adores and respects Oden sooo much yet doesn't show it to his son and friend(with not respecting their plead to stop), isn't it kinda fucked up? Just imagine how good of character arc it would be if Yamato actually was able to understand that it isn't healthy, grow out from it and rethink own choice and accept own personality as Yamato and not pretend to he someone else? But we didn't get it in any place) (btw if i will see someone tagging Yamato's art with Oden's name once more I'm going to fucking die. I want to see OTHER hot ass tall himbo thank you)

4. Her personality is a cake with nothing.

Expect that Oden thing there was nothing interesting for me to look at. Yes another silly himbo. And? We already saw characters like this before, why i should care about other one?

I feel like i can go for a very long time on other parts on why i don't like this character and think she is overrated, but this is the biggest problems i thought about while re-reading one piece.

I hope she isn't going to actually join the Strawhats either way unlike Momonosuke and Kin'emon (who i think deserved it way more)

If you will say that I'm just simping over other chars and not being rational - Yes. That's all.