#it is kinda amazing the amount of triggering things that happen every day and any one of them knocks the wind out of me but this is like.

[pepprs]

i had a scarily bad depression moment (if you catch my drift) at work on thursday during a meeting where the topic of conversation and the things ppl were saying were directly (and slightly intentionally?) contributing to my distress and im past that moment now but i feel so haunted by it. by the thoughts i was having and the fact that i had them and the fact that i was witnessed in that moment but they didn’t know how bad it was. and im also feeling vulnerable to being back in that place again

[booksnstuff58]

Book Review: Thriller

It's been a bit since I've posted anything, but while I was away I got in a good bit of reading. My sister got me into thrillers, and that's about all I've been reading.

So today I have a review of the thriller that put me in a thriller kinda mood. Aaand Michael Jackson's Thriller is stuck in my head now.

My sister had to make me read this one, which I actually hate that I was being so stubborn. This book is... well, I'll get to that.

Today's book is:

Never Lie by Freida McFadden

So again, my sister kept bugging me until I read this book, and I'm glad she kept harassing me. I've been like constantly reading thrillers since this one and have loved every minute! Well, some books were better than others.

Blurb:

Newlyweds Tricia and Ethan are searching for the house of their dreams. But when they visit the remote manor that once belonged to Dr. Adrienne Hale, a renowned psychiatrist who vanished without a trace four years earlier, a violent winter storm traps them at the estate… with no chance of escape until the blizzard comes to an end. In search of a book to keep her entertained until the snow abates, Tricia happens upon a secret room. One that contains audio transcripts from every single patient Dr. Hale has ever interviewed. As Tricia listens to the cassette tapes, she learns about the terrifying chain of events leading up to Dr. Hale’s mysterious disappearance. Tricia plays the tapes one by one, late into the night. With each one, another shocking piece of the puzzle falls into place, and Dr. Adrienne Hale’s web of lies slowly unravels.

And here are my thoughts:

Um, go buy this book.

I read like a sloth. It takes me forever to get through anything.

I got through this one in a week. A week!

Now, you may be thinking I'm being silly. I mean, it's only a bit over 300 pages. But I'm not kidding. It normally would take me way longer to read a book that length.

Also, the copy I read was my sister's copy. When I finished it I went out and bought my own copy to lend out to friends. It's so good!

I had no idea what was going on. I thought I did, but no. I was completely thrown off and it was amazing!

So yeah, highly recommend this one. Definitely one of the best books I've read recently!

As for triggers, this is, again, a thriller, so I was not at all surprised by the amount of language there was. There was also a fair bit of violence and gross things, which don't bother me in books as much as they do in movies, but I understand not everyone is like that. There was not, however, any graphic sex scenes. There may have been mention, but nothing descriptive. It's been a minute since I read this one, so my memory is not perfect, but my sister would not have told me to read it had there been anything graphic of that nature.

Anyway, this book is fantastic and I fully intend to reread it if I ever get around to rereading anything because of how many books I haven't gotten to yet. I flippin loved it! And this will not be the only time you hear of Frieda McFadden from me. There will be another of her books up here in a few days, so look forward to that!

I have a whole list of books I've read over past few months, so there will be more posts over the next few days, and I have a nice stack of books and a list on my kindle that I will be reading shortly, so I'll be posting more about those shortly!

[osakaso5]

Haruka Isumi Twelve Hits! Rabbit TV Part 1: Twelve Hits!

Part 2 | Part 3 

Haruka Isumi: "RADIO STATION Twelve Hits"?

Torao Mido: Ah... Isn't that the radio show IDOLiSH7 was on last year?

Minami Natsume: TRIGGER and Re:vale also participated in it.

Toma Inumaru: That's right! And we're gonna be on Twelve Hits! this year!

Torao Mido: Hmm.

Toma Inumaru: Why dont you look more interested!?

Torao Mido: It's not like we haven't done a bunch of radio shows before, right? If anything, you're a little too excited.

Toma Inumaru: Hold on... This is Twelve Hits! we're talking about! The famous radio show practically everyone in Japan’s heard of!

Toma Inumaru: It's been on air ever since we were kids, so you've got to have listened to it at least once, right?

Haruka Isumi: Nope. I like RabbiTube better, anyway.

Torao Mido: Haha, you're such a modern kid. Not that I've listened to it, either.

Toma Inumaru: You've gotta be kidding me!

Minami Natsume: I've listened to it. It's a monthly broadcast that has a new host each time.

Minami Natsume: I even appeared in it once when I was still a child actor.

Toma Inumaru: Seriously, Mina..!? That's awesome..!

Toma Inumaru: I've sent a couple messages to it, but they never got read on air. ...So you've already been on it, huh..!

Minami Natsume: Oh dear. If you open your eyes so wide, they'll fall out.

Minami Natsume: Though I must say, I like being gazed at so intensely that it might result in your loss of sight.

Haruka Isumi: Eek... Don't say scary stuff like that..!

Torao Mido: I see. In other words, this radio show is amazing enough that some people would even sacrifice their precious eyes for it.

Toma Inumaru: ...Ahem. In any case, we've got a really cool job ahead of us!

Toma Inumaru: The shows from last year were a lot of fun, too!

Torao Mido: You listened to them?

Minami Natsume: So, you listened to them.

Haruka Isumi: You did?

Toma Inumaru: S-should I not have..? Why are you all looking at me like that!?

Torao Mido: No reason.

Haruka Isumi: No reason?

Minami Natsume: No reason in particular.

Toma Inumaru: You three always work together perfectly at times like these...

Minami Natsume: I was simply commending you for having a genuine interest in even the hosts   who weren't your friend, Nanase-san, without so much as gathering intel on them.

Torao Mido: Hmph. Nothing we could've done about that. Toma wants to be friends with those guys. Probably because he's not satisfied with us.

Haruka Isumi: Torao, stop sulking like a little kid. He's not gonna understand that you want him to pay more attention to you unless you tell him.

Torao Mido: I'm not sulking. I was just pointing out that he goes on and on about people other than us.

Toma Inumaru: ...I just thought it looked fun, the way they were giving each other requests for the show... I kinda wanted to try it, too...

Toma Inumaru: Listening to them made me think about how fun it'd be to do that with you guys!

Torao Mido: Oh..?

Haruka Isumi: Hmm..?

Minami Natsume: So, you want us to complete requests for you.

Toma Inumaru: That's right! Some of them could get pretty crazy and extreme, but it just seemed like something members of the same group do together!

Haruka Isumi: Yeah... I guess Tenn Kujo seemed pretty happy when he got a request from his little brother.

Toma Inumaru: Yep. So you did listen to it, after all!

Haruka Isumi: Huh? Ah..!

Haruka Isumi: N-no I didn't! I just happened to hear it from a car radio on my way somehwere.

Toma Inumaru: If you already know what the show's like, then that makes things easier! Apparently we'll also get requests from the listeners.

Toma Inumaru: Make sure to come up with good ones!

Minami Natsume: Very well. You'll answer anything, won't you?

Torao Mido: Feels nice to be on the asking end of a relationship for once.

Haruka Isumi: Let's rebel like we always do, even on radio! 

- - - -

Toma Inumaru: Alright, everyone's here. Time to start brainstorming requests for Haru!

Minami Natsume: Yes indeed. I've come up with a request that should fit Isumi-san quite well.

Torao Mido: That's one hell of a smile, Minami. Is your idea really that good?

Minami Natsume: I certainly think so.

Toma Inumaru: I dunno why, but your smile's giving me the heebie-jeebies... You sure it's something that can be broadcasted on radio..?

Minami Natsume: Yes, of course. I'm sure it'll liven up his variety segment nicely.

Haruka Isumi: Variety... Ugh...

Toma Inumaru: Haha, what's with the long face, Haru?

Torao Mido: I know what his problem is. He's clearly feeling lonely because we can't be on the show with him.

Torao Mido: I guess even you've got a cute side, Haruka.

Toma Inumaru: Seriously..!? I guess that makes sense... Haru might work hard as our center, but he's still only a high schooler...

Toma Inumaru: Sorry for not noticing..! Next time, just let us know. We're a team, so we've gotta help each other out!

Haruka Isumi: ...Huh!? I'm NOT feeling lonely! Stop being weird!

Minami Natsume: Is there another reason why you looked so depressed, then?

Haruka Isumi: ...Twelve Hits! is a variety talk show, right? I just don't know what I should talk about.

Minami Natsume: You don't?

Haruka Isumi: Yeah, Tenn Kujo called me the "honor student of variety shows" once, and I don't really get what that means yet.

Haruka Isumi: I guess TV and radio aren't the same thing, but still. I'm the  last member of ŹOOĻ to go, anyway.

Haruka Isumi: Since I'm doing this, I might as well do it right!

Toma Inumaru: Haru..! I didn't think you'd take this so seriously..!

Toma Inumaru: That's great!

Haruka Isumi: Hey..! Quit patting me on the head..!

Torao Mido: Don't think too hard on it. You're the host, so can't you just talk about whatever you like?

Minami Natsume: Agreed. The listeners will be there for you, Isumi-san.

Haruka Isumi: You think so..?

Toma Inumaru: That's right, Haru! Take it easy, pretend you're talking to your friends if you have to.

Toma Inumaru: Like Izumi and Yotsuba! Or... Uh, did you have any other friends, again?

Haruka Isumi: I-I've got plenty! Just the other day, I swapped RabbitChat IDs with a couple of my classmates!

Minami Natsume: Oh my, congratulations.

Haruka Isumi: ...It was mainly so we could stay in touch for our group project, though...

Toma Inumaru: ...Wait, we're getting off topic! Back to the requests!

Toma Inumaru: We can help Haru out, too. Help him practice for variety shows!

Torao Mido: Like how?

Toma Inumaru: Well...

Toma Inumaru: Ah! Ask him to do a little improv skit!

Haruka Isumi: That's too hard! I've never done comedy before!

Toma Inumaru: That's exactly why. Can't give you too low of a hurdle! Besides, a real man can overcome anything!

Minami Natsume: Or a real man can trip over the hurdle and never overcome  his failure, let alone anything else.

Torao Mido: Hmph, don't you worry, someone will pick you right back up. Toma, that is.

Haruka Isumi: If you guys are joking, it's not very funny...

Toma Inumaru: You're not chickening out, are you?

Haruka Isumi: N-no way! ...I could totally do improv!

Toma Inumaru: I believe in you, buddy! You'll get your prompt on the day of the show.

Torao Mido: Haha, you've got guts, kid. In that case, I'll give you a hosting related request, too.

Torao Mido: Why don't you do a bit of bold self-promotion for your audience, and try to pitch ŹOOĻ to them?

Haruka Isumi: What, like a sales pitch for some product..? I've seen those on TV at night...

Toma Inumaru: Yeah, like one of the infomercials for those really sharp knives that can even slice a pumpkin to ribbons!

Haruka Isumi: What!? Knives can do that!?

Toma Inumaru: Pineapples, too.

Haruka Isumi: Holy crap..!

Minami Natsume: Oh my. Perhaps your skit should be about TV shopping?

Torao Mido: ŹOOĻ is a product of sorts, too. And it'll be your job to sell us to the listeners, Haruka.

Torao Mido: Captivate your audience so well that no amount of money will be enough for them to get enough of us. Your words will decide our value.

Torao Mido: What do you think? It's a pretty good talk show excercise.

Haruka Isumi: It's a pain in the ass... All I'd need to do is play them one of our shows. Can I just sing or something?

Torao Mido: If that's what you'd rather practice, then sure, whatever.

Haruka Isumi: ...Fine. I'll try.

Torao Mido: Haha, you're actually being obedient for once.

Haruka Isumi: I'm plenty obedient. And I don't really wanna do it, but we agreed on the "no takebacks" rule, remember?

Haruka Isumi: Plus, I get that you guys are just trying to help me out...

Minami Natsume: Hee hee. In that case, I suppose my request will be something sweet, to reward you for being good.

Haruka Isumi: Sweet?

Minami Natsume: Think of it as the carrot to their stick.

Minami Natsume: You may make a request for the three of us. Us older members should do our duty and spoil you every now and then, especially seeing as how your birthday is coming up.

Haruka Isumi: Huh!? I get to ask you guys for something!? ...Like, anything!?

Minami Natsume: Yes, anything. After all, we have a young heir in our midst.

Torao Mido: Since when am I an heir? Oh, well.

Toma Inumaru: ...So Mina's request was perfectly normal and radio approriate. I dunno why I was so worried...

Minami Natsume: Hee hee. I said it would fit him nicely, did I not?

Haruka Isumi: ...Feels weird. I know the skit and stuff sounded hard, but even they'd be for my own self improvement...

Minami Natsume: I only felt like going easier on you today.

Torao Mido: You'd better be grateful.

Toma Inumaru: Come on, guys..! You could at least admit how much you care about Haru!

Haruka Isumi: Hmm? ...Ehehe!

Haruka Isumi: This feels kinda nice! But still, I can't let you go too easy on me.

Haruka Isumi: I'll shock you with how good my radio hosting will be! 

End of Part 1.

[obeiii-mee]

How will the bros react to MC self-doubting themselves? Like saying bad things about them or can't be serious someone give them compliment.

Supportive demon bois coming right up! Sorry I took so long to write this anon! Thank you so much for the ask! (Also, thank you all for the love on my previous posts!)

————————————

The Brothers with an MC who self doubts themselves:

Lucifer:

-As the embodiment of pride itself, Lucifer has an overwhelming amount of confidence, almost all the damn time

-So, he was flabbergasted to learn that you weren’t the same

-He always insisted that you aren’t anything but perfect, yet you always seemed to brush the compliments off with a shrug and an awkward smile

-Well, shit, we can’t have that

-Lucifer just got 10x more serious about the matter

-He pulls a really stupid concerned face whenever you insult yourself and he looks more and more like a 48 year old man/dad each time it happens

-He, as of late, increased the number of pet names he has for you and the amount of compliments he gives you each day

-He refuses to let you talk badly about yourself anywhere, at any point in time and encourages every little step you take towards bettering yourself like crazy

- Lucifer wants to prove to you that you are an absolute ray of sunshine and he will go to any lengths to do just that (do not ask)

-He’s even more affectionate than usual which confuses just about everyone in the House of Lamentation, yourself included

-His brothers are feeling a disturbance in the force and they don’t know how to feel about it

-You are possibly the best thing that’s happened to him since he fell as angel and Lucifer is ready to do whatever he can to help you realise that

Mammon:

-“You’re an idiot!”

-“*Sigh*, I know.”

-“Wha-Wait! Y-you can’t say thAT!”

-The Great Mammon is seriously worried about his human

-Being the dense motherfucker he is (i still love him tho) it took him weeks to realise you’re not all that confident in yourself

-At some point in your relationship, he jokingly called you annoying and you just went “Yeah I’ve been told. Sorry.”

-His jaw literally dropped and he almost cried

-He would have choked if he was drinking something

-Tsundere Mammon has gone bye bye and here comes the cuddling teddy bear that is your boyfriend

-He also doesn’t have as much self love for himself as he sometimes pretends to have so he’s kinda in the same boat

-Which means your boat is leaking and you’re perfectly fine with it while he’s panicking and trying to throw water overboard with his hands

-His brothers call him an idiot a lot but he’s a very sociable guy with people skills that he uses all the time in order to coax you out of your self pitiying shell

-Will whine every time you call yourself ‘useless’ or disagree with his compliments because what the hell, you’re literally the most gorgeous being ever let me love youuuu

-When it comes to you and your happiness, he ain’t fucking around. He will snarl at anyone that even looks at you in the wrong way

-Did that to Lucifer once, guess a what happened

-You’ve definitely helped him come to terms with the fact that he is loveable and not a good for nothing scum

-So now it’s your turn!

-Let him kiss your insecurities away please

-Your presence makes him feel wanted so he wants the same for you!

Levi:

-Well then

-It takes two to tango ya know?

-He is the KING of self loathing and no confidence whatsoever in anything he does so every time you put yourself down, he counters it with a self deprecating insult as well

-“I suck.”

-“Nah, you’re pretty awesome normie. I’m the shut in, disgusting otaku who can barely set foot outside his bedroom without having an anxiety attack.”

-It’s like you’re trying to outdo the other on who is worse

-Truth is, he really admires you, especially knowing you chose to date him; an anime nerd with no social life and no communication skills whatsoever

-It hurts a bit, every time he builds up the courage to actually compliment you and you not taking it seriously

-That’s because he recognises that he’s the same and just as harsh on himself as you are

-Levi knows self hatred is something that takes time to demolish

-But you are his Henry after all (also his partner but whatevs)

-He’s not gonna leave you hanging when you need him the most

-He also gradually stops calling you a normie as your relationship progresses, though it still slips through every now and again

-Basically, the first time he realised that you think negatively of yourself, his immediate reaction was: Haha lmao relatable

-But now, every time it happens, he gets all serious

-Puts his controller down and everything, it’s like witnessing a very rare phenomenon and it’s creepy as shit

-He’s also made an effort to be more physically affection though he is kinda shy about it because damn it he just wants to hug you every time you speak badly of yourself

-Probably writes a list at some point stating all the reasons why you are better than him and Ruri chan combined, it’s rlly sweet

Satan:

-He’s a bit curious as to where that mentality has come from

-What triggered you to be so self doubtful?

-He’s basically your psychotherapist and asks you a lot of questions trying to find different causes and solutions for your issues

-Honestly, he puts so much effort into trying to understand, reading books about it from the human realm and whatever he can find in order to help you

-He scrunches up his nose every time you call yourself an idiot or anything of the sort

-Satan knows that insisting you’re wonderful won’t exactly help you overcome this problem of yours

-But that doesn’t stop him from doing it

-It’s not like you can ignore his comments because he will keep complimenting you until you accept them

-He also repeats a lot of pick up lines but that’s just part of being his partner

-What do you mean you’re worthless?!! He would literally give away all of his books and his hatred for Lucifer in exchange for your well being!

-Satan is possibly the smartest out of all of his brothers, so he uses a tactical approach on this one

-Direct affectionate gestures don’t work on you so he’s gonna be more subtle

-Would slightly hint that you are amazing every time you do something for him, like fetching him a book or something

-“Ah thank you. I don’t know what I would do without you love.”

-He’s a lot smoother than he gives himself credit for

-He just appreciates your existence and that there’s someone out there that he doesn’t need to be act hostile or fake toward

-Satan is ready to sit down and listen to you talk about your insecurities for hours on end

-You would quietly say something bad about yourself and he would run through the House of Lamentation before bursting into the room you are in, shouting ‘No! That’s wrong!’ (going Danganronpa on your asses)

-“Welp, I fucked up again. I can’t do anything right.”

-And then, in the distance you hear boss music starting

Asmo:

-*Shocked Gasp*

-How could you say such things about yourself???? Is that even leGAl?

-Of course, the literally prince of Lust, with all of his narcissism, has never experienced things like ‘self doubt’ of ‘bad self esteem’

-Pfft, the fuck is that?

-He only uses the most positive of words when he describes himself

-So obviously he almost falls off the bed when he hears you insulting yourself for the first time

-But ya know, that would leave bruises on his beautiful skin

-“Oh darling, you’re not annoying or a moron! You’re not anything like Mammon!”

-That was a below belt fatal hit, press f in the chat for the second eldest

-At some point, he just genuinely believes you’ve been spending too much time with Levi and that his negativity started rubbing off on you

-But then you tell him you’ve always been like this and he almost has a crisIS

-He’s like ‘Haha, no, we’re going to get a spa day out tomorrow and a few shopping sprees so I can prove to you that you are magnificent in every way imaginable.’

-Asmo loves pampering you in general but on the days he sees you feeling extra sorry for yourself, he goes above and beyond

-Gets very hurt when you brush off his compliments because he just wants you to accept the fact that you’re beautiful

-He’s like a supportive mom lmao, whenever you’re feeling self doubtful, he goes “You’re doing great sweetie, keep it up I’m really proud of you.”

-It’s up to you to decide whether that helps or not

-He’s such a sweetheart in reality, it’s hard to remember that he’s supposed to be horny all the time

-Well he is but that’s not the point, you’re way more important

-Asmo is so much fun to write cuz I can make him so dramatic it’s hilarious

Beel:

-Oh no :(

-He gets very sad everytime you self deprecate yourself

-You can’t do it with him in the room because he’s going to start crying and give you this kicked puppy stare, it will break your heart

-Beel kinda comes over and goes “If I give you some of my food will you please stop saying bad things about yourself? Because it’s not true.”

-Well you can’t say no to that face

-He feels like it’s his fault you’re this self doubtful even though you’ve tried to explain to him you’ve always been like this

-He goes crying to his twin half the time because he doesn’t know what to do

-“I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to drop it! Fucking hell, I’m such a fucking klutz.”

-“Sniffle no you’re not.”

-He’s like, giving you large portions of his food now

-Because food makes him happy so he wants you to be happy too

-🙂

-His brothers go in shock every time because the only other person Beel has ever shared his food with before was Belphie

-Physical affection goes through the roof with this guy

-Bone crushing hugs btw

-Your self worth is so immeasurable with him, you can’t even measure it

-W h o a

-I’m being serious, don’t talk badly about yourself in front of him unless you want to be hugged into next week

-You are a literal angel in his eyes, of course he thinks highly of you

-He’s just hoping his presence isn’t making your self esteem worse, that’s the thing that keeps him up at night

-Idk why but he does think that he is a bad influence on your mental well being since he’s a demon

-Beel gives you compliments all the time and it confuses him when you laugh them off uncertainly because he wasn’t joking or lying??

-He’s always supportive of your choices and encourages you to be more confident

-The same way you show your support everytime you come to his games to cheer him on

-Overall, he just wants you to feel special and appreciated

-Because you deserve it

-IneedmyselfaBeel

Belphie:

-He feels like absolute shit

-Becuase he’s well aware he‘s called you a few...not so nice words in the past

-Back then, he only thought he meant everything he said but now that he’s hearing you accept his insults and actually repeating them yourself?

-It hurts his brain and he wants to smash his head against all four walls of the room for being such a cretin

-You do tell him it’s not exactly his fault you think so badly of yourself

-But he still believes he fueled it

-So now he needs to fix it

-He’s tried everything and I mean everything

-It’s kinda working, slow progress is made which he’s really happy about but you know, it’s gonna take a while

-He finally settles on physical affection as the best way to communicate his gratefulness for you being youself

-Oh, he wasn’t hugging you before? He is now, get your ass next to him and let him cuddle you

-Handholding has increased by 69% in the last month, sorry for the loss of your right hand with how much he squeezes it

-Sometimes, he can’t help but a throw an insult at you in a playful manner, because he’s an asshole

-But he always makes sure you understand that he was just joking

-He’s such a little shit, you would be having a chat with him and you would subtly drop a insult at yourself hoping he wouldn’t notice

-But then he stops dead in his tracks, kisses you, says “Shut up, you’re stunning” and then he goes right back to the previous conversation like nothing happened

-Accept his compliments damn it otherwise he will continue to bug you about it for the rest of the day

-He’s an eboy and he’s a dickhead a times, but he just goes soft for you tbh

-If you’re feeling really bad about yourself, he won’t even say anything

-He will just big spoon you for the next 24 hours, good luck going to the bathroom or any meals during that time

-Because once you’re in his grip, you’re not getting out that easily

-He gets so pissy if anyone says something even slightly negative about you to your face

-One time, a random demon called you stupid in one of the classes at RAD and he was like ‘bïtch excuse me what?’

-Snapped his head around at him and everything

-He would have done something worse but he was lazy and feeling really petty

-So Belphie kicked him in the privates from under his desk like a damn spoiled brat

-And then he turned his head back to you, all smiles and rainbows and puppies

-I’m simping so hard for a fictional character wtf

-I had to write more protective Belphie cuz I can’t find anything of the sort anymore and I need flUFF

(Haha, I don’t know what this post is, my writing has officially taken a shit lmao. Sorry this took so long to finish, I kept going back to edit all of them)

Al~

[sakusascandle]

hiiiiii! i hope you’re having a amazing day! could you please write hcs for akaashi, ushijima, bokuto, and atsumu with a s/o who has really bad social anxiety and how they help them with it? thank you!

a/n:  i hope you’re having a great day too! you have no idea how much i love this one :(((( i have rlly bad social anxiety too so this was another huge comfort for me to write 

⤿ characters included: akaashi, ushijima, bokuto and atsumu

⤿ contents: comfort, social anxiety, anxiety attacks

requests are opened!

masterlist

-ᴜsʜɪᴊɪᴍᴀ

- While he doesn’t completely understand your situation, he will definitely try to help you ease your anxiety in any way possible. If you’re anxious out of public and he notices, he’d typically hold your hand in his and rub his thumb through the skin on your hand.

- If you’re anxious about upcoming events, or thinking about all the terrible outcomes of a specific situation, because this man is direct and speaks the truth no matter the events, he’s able to easily reassure you. He sees situations in a literal way, so you’d never see him sugar coat your worries and then you feel much calmer compared to previous state.

- He’d rarely ever force things upon you, if there is anything regarding social activity that you were frightened of engaging in, he’d make sure that you wouldn’t feel pressure to say anything. If you were too disturbed to order somewhere he’d gladly do it no questions asked.

- He’s a very attentive and a great listener, you feel like you can talk about your problems without any worries dancing around in your mind. The amount of patience this man has is amazing, he makes sure that you’re doing alright and that your anxiety levels are at a stable level. 

- I don’t know why but I just know this guy is good with directions. If you feel like a public crowd is too overwhelming for you and that you need a quick escape, he will notice your distressed condition and whisper, “do you need to go to a quieter place? I know a route we can take from here.” 

- Overall, even if he doesn’t understand it too much, he will always make sure to treat you like a priority and take care of your anxiety the best way he possibly can.

-ᴀᴋᴀᴀsʜɪ

- He’d understand your feelings completely, he knows exactly what it feels like to have anxiety and is aware about how it’s stressing you out. Since he’s quite analytical about behaviors, he’d know immediately that you were uneasy.

- If you were anxious about a phone call, he’d make sure to hold your hand throughout the whole duration of that call. If your anxiety levels started to rise in a scary pace, he’d nod his head and silently inform you that you were doing a great job.

- In public, if you felt an attack coming up, Akaashi reminds you to squeeze his hands as hard as possible, he’d tell you, “breathe okay? You’re doing such a great job, I’m so proud of you.”

- He always wants you to know that if you ever feel anxious, you can speak to him about it, whatever time, whatever place. He wants to try solve your problems and ease your anxiety in the most effective way.

- Akaashi would give you a small, cute looking object. Just in case there are situations where he isn’t able to speak to you during an anxious period, he wants you to look at his gift as a reminder to breathe and as a reminder that everything will be alright.

- He’d never mind cancelling plans, ever. He’d simply just come over and you two could just spend the night at home. Your well being to him is so important and he wants to make sure that you feel safe and secure at all times.

-ʙᴏᴋᴜᴛᴏ

- Since Bokuto is a naturally outgoing person and incredibly social, he definitely would try make you feel as comfortable as possible. If you were anxious in a social setting he’d never force you to talk, but I can see him trying to mention you during these social settings so you feel like you don’t need to speak much. He’d always make sure that these social kinda greetings are not overwhelming for you and tries to make sure to let you know that it’s safe to talk. But of course he wouldn’t force you to do so.

- He’s an emotionally intelligent guy, even if he rarely gets anxious in social situations, he could tell when you were. He’d pull you into a warm hug, that feels so comforting and feels like a security bubble. He’d gently rub your back, reminding you how proud he is and that you’re safe with him,

- He tones down his bubbly and hyper self when he notices that you’re not feeling too good. He’s a highly empathetic guy,  he will talk with you and he’d try to distract you with conversation topics to make your mind at ease.

- He’d try to get you out of your shell from time to time, with baby steps. He’d do small things at a time, just to make sure that you were comfortable with the pace. If you called and were at an incredibly high level, if he could, he would come over to your home that instant and then would be ready to give all of his attention and try to lower your anxiety levels. But if he was busy and couldn’t come, he’d talk to you over the phone gently, and try to talk to you about your problem.

 -ᴀᴛsᴜᴍᴜ

- It took him some time to find out about your anxiety, but once he does he becomes more protective and more aware about what triggers your distress. He wouldn’t ever mind about cancelling plans because you just didn’t want to go out.Like Bokuto, he’d also come over with your comfort foods and you two would just watch movies for hours on end. 

- He’d definitely tone down his teasing whenever he notices that you don’t feel too good. He’d make some lighthearted jokes, pull you into a hug and whisper sweet nothings into your ear, just to make you feel even a tiny bit better.

- He gets so soft when he’s around you, when he’s comforting you, he’d always try to reassure you that you’re not embarrassing yourself in public. If you weren’t comfortable with talking to people in restaurants and other situations like that, he’d make sure that he’d do most if not all of the talking. 

- Would make sure that your surroundings aren’t overwhelming for you, if you do get an anxiety attack in public he’d help you count and would help you with your breathing to ease your troubled state. 

- He’s aware that his fangirls will crowd him to an overwhelming and scary extent, it happens every now and then and it’s absolutely terrifying. But he’d try to get you two to a quieter area and if it gets out of hand he wouldn’t hesitate to harshly scold whoever invades your privacy. 

[fluidfox123]

Follow up rambles from this amazing post about Raph's plurality you should totally read if you want to. I would also like to thank the Constellation System (@december-rains) for giving me feedback on my grammar usage that I kinda messed up on and helping me with figuring out some information I couldn't decide on! You guys should totally check lune out!

Also, once again, please don’t screenshot/repost this post without my permission. I know it’s “only headcanons” but I would rather you ask before doing so. Also you can reblog since that’s not reposting.

Updated info:

Origin: Traumagenic and Protogenic (Mixed Origin System)

Savage is also Trauma-Locked (see the last post for the rest of his roles/identities, linked above)

---

Headcanons:

- Red is reckless and hard-headed. He's usually the one who does dangerous stunts for fun and gets angry the quickest. Even though he's pretty blunt as well, the guy is still pretty hard set in getting the rest of the system and turtle brothers through difficult times. An example of this is when Raph's brothers continued to eat poison despite it being, well, poison and fought with Raph over babying them or them learning to actually solve things by themselves. Red wasn't trying to say that they shouldn't ask for help in any sort of way, but he wanted nothing more than Leo, Donnie, and Mikey to learn how to do things without depending on Raph so much or just continuing to be irresponsible. It's unbelievable for Red that they won't even go out on missions a lot of the time despite them all collectively agreeing to be heroes. - Red is a foodie and has more than once ate so much food that their body suffered major stomach aches and gotten really sick. Mind scolds him each and every time. - Raph watches spy/action movies frequently ever since Red introduced them to him when he was younger. Sometimes rolling around and pretending to point a gun everywhere when on missions/patrols. All his brothers tease him for it. - Red and Raph sometimes co-front whether intentional or not. This causes them to be unsure of who is fronting or/and blur together. This often happens when Red decides to be involved with Raph's brothers without Raph leaving or because the body is in danger and he needs to quickly move them out of the way, only taking enough control to only move the body and protect it. Only on rare occasions do they co-front for long periods of time, especially since it is still fragile for them, and if it's focused on too much one will be forced back. - Red's voice is a lot rougher and a bit deeper than Raph's, despite the two being harder to discern from one another compared to everyone else in the system. - Mind practically lives in their inner world and it's rare for him to ever front unless it's to take care of the body, comfort someone who is fronting (usually by co-fronting and for example comfortingly rubbing the bodies arm), they've been forced to front (Red and Raph have been forced away/other reasons), or because they were positively triggered by something in the outside world that causes them to front (Like the strong smell of cinnamon or song Mind may love). - Mind is a very calm person, everything about them is practically soothing. They usually are the one everyone goes to for advice and comfort because it's something they radiate constantly. They're pretty peaceful but could practically kill you with their stare of disapproval when something bugs them. They're not very blunt, liking to think things through and adjust to the person they're around and talking to, making sure that they say what they know will get through to them or that Mind's presence isn't bothersome. Plus, they're practically the Mom friend but actually takes care of you like a soft-spoken mother. His ideas may not be the best but he tries his best to help everyone in the system and helps Raph with the people on the outside when he's having trouble. - Mind has a thing for bubbles. He loves the way they pop, make little soapy rainbows, and how much of a mess it makes after you've blown a whole bottle. In the outside world, Mind will practically jump to the front to blow some bubbles if offered. In the Inner World Mind's Station has bubbles floating around it constantly. - Mind might not be the best singer when it comes to anything fast or really upbeat, but slow and lullaby-like songs are his thing for sure. Mind has distinct memories of Splinter singing to the turtles when they were younger and learned it to help Raph and Savage when they're scared, upset, or unable to sleep. Mikey once asked if he and Splinter could do a lullaby duet. They said they would, but they haven't yet. Everyone wants nothing more than to hear it so they're all waiting for the day that two of the best lullaby singers put on a show. - Mind's blue eyes glow dimly,

making them a bit otherworldly than everyone else. His voice is pretty feminine, quiet, slow, and soft. He speaks the most formally out of everyone besides Donnie. - Mind likes to braid their mask tails from time to time. Red always compliments the look when he sees it. - Mind keeps track of everything within the inner world by using a very large computer. Using files and keywords in a search system to organize and find information easily. - Savage is someone who hates fronting. Practically avoids it at any cost and the only time he does front is when he's forced to, and it's always forced. He's emotional, most of the time non-verbal, and the most untrusting of everyone else out of everyone in the system. He hates the world outside just as much as he does the Inner world if not more and he wants nothing but for the outside world to never exist in the first place. - Savage is 6 years old, the youngest out of the system. - Savage is pretty silent and only speaks when he's distressed or so angry that he's on a warpath. He might be seen as the stereotype for the "evil alter" for systems, but he's not. He's far from it, in fact, and never intended to reinforce something so hurtful. He's simply a little kid who's forced to front when Raph's left alone for too long, and the pain and loneliness of being the worst feeling in the world. Even if he is the only one who can take it. But, despite his loathing for existence, he's a sweet kid. He loves strange animals, rock candy, and climbing things. He has fluffy pillows and likes the piece of brown cloth always wrapped around him, it comforts him and it's his own personal little blankly for wherever he goes. - Mind is the one who takes care of Savage, constantly giving him first aid for his climbing accidents, bathing him after he's dirty from his cuts, and playing in the sand/dirt in the Inner World. Mind is the only one Savage somewhat trusts out of the whole 2 worlds, and the only one he can even think to feel safe with. - Savage loves animal crackers. - The little Snapping turtle has neon bandaids constantly littering his skin other than bandages and bruises. He has no pupils and has gotten the nickname white eyes for that reason, it being the only nickname he'll allow people to call him other than his name. - Savage is the one out of everyone in the system that looks closest to a dinosaur. - He likes hanging from branches with his tail and digging pointless holes with his claws. - It's canon that Raph has a peanut allergy (Mascot Melee), but I feel like he's also allergic to Pineapple. - Mind pitched the idea when the body was a pre-teen to wear bracelets so everyone on the outside knew who was there, even if Red and Raph are the ones always present. Red wears a red thread bracelet similar to this:

Mind wears a blue, white, and turquoise bracelet that looks similar to this:

Raph usually doesn't wear one, but when he isn't fronting for an unusual amount of time, anyone else being the host would wear a bracelet to show Raph is co-fronting/co-conscious with them. The bracelet being a pink, yellow, and white mini rubber band bracelet Mikey made for him when he told him about Mind's idea:

And, even though Savage doesn't front, Mind made sure to include him by having a neon lime green triple rope bracelet:

---

That should be it for now! That's mostly the information for their system other than their Inner World, but I haven't really made anything for that yet, so I guess I'll make a third post for that eventually! Thank you for getting to this point! It really means a lot! Asks are open if ya'll wanna send one in about any of this!

[alovesongshewrote]

Jolene | Hisirdoux Casperan x Reader

Plot:  Douxie teaches you how to play the guitar after a nasty break-up.

Word Count: 1,794

Warnings:  Angst, descriptions of being in a toxic relationship, break-ups, crying, cheating, the gif has nothing to do with the plot i just like it

A/N:  So, while this is cute towards the end and everything, I just want to apologize for anything that might be triggering.  I got out of a very nasty relationship recently and I needed to vent.  Thank the gods for the wizard boy, amirite?  Anyway, thank you so much for reading, AATY will be updated soon, it’s just taking longer because I want to stay accurate to the actual episodes of wizards.  Love you guys, please enjoy <3

(Also, try reading this while listening to Jolene and tell me what you think, bc I never did that and I want to know)

Tag List: @furblrwurblr​

Looking back on it, you should have broken things off sooner.

Literally, every flag in that relationship had been red, but you ignored them all hoping that he’d get better.  That he’d start to listen to you without responding in a resentful way, that he’d stop trying to control you, that he’d learn to respect your boundaries without a fight.  It never happened.

You tried to bring up your grievances with him, but he always tried to turn it back on you, making it seem like your fault.  It didn’t work.  You were smart enough to recognize manipulation and gaslighting, but you weren’t smart enough to leave.

And then he cheated on you.  That was enough.

You ended things as respectfully as possible, even though he really didn’t deserve it.  You didn’t even mention his infidelity or the fact that he had never respected you.  All you did was tell him that it wasn’t a good time for a relationship.  He tried to make you feel guilty, but he never once asked you to stay or told you he loved you.  You did the right thing.  You knew that.

But you felt like crap after it was over.

All you did for the next two days was lounge around in your pyjamas and listen to ‘Jolene,’ by Dolly Parton over and over again.  It wasn’t productive, but it was what you needed.

It made your friends a little nervous though.  

Throughout your little break from society, you'd received a decent amount of texts from concerned friends who weren’t super sure what was going on but wanted to support you nonetheless.  

Douxie was the first person you’d told.

He was the friend you trusted the most.

Of course, he was concerned for you.  So concerned, in fact, that he straight-up ran to your apartment to spend time with you.  And you really appreciated that.

You’d let him into your small home, which was surprisingly clean for the spiral you’d been going down.  The only thing that a person could find odd was the music you were listening to.  It was just ‘Jolene’ by Dolly Parton, over and over again.

It wasn’t exactly his type of music, but he respected your coping mechanisms.  And he had to admit, the guitar was really nice.

“So, how’re you holding up,”

“I’m okay I guess.  Better than I thought I’d be.  It just kinda hurts, y’ know?”

“I know, darling, I know.  Here, sit down, I’m making you some tea,”

“You don’t have to-”

“I’m going to,”

You smiled, watching him walk into your kitchen before you flopped down onto your couch.  The tea didn’t take long, and before you knew it, Douxie was on the couch next to you.

The warmth from the cup was nice, simulating human contact.  You missed human contact.  And now you had no one to give it to you.  Not like you did before, but still, the thought stung.

You didn’t realize there were tears in your eyes until Douxie’s hand was on your shoulder.  His hazel eyes peering into yours.  You hoped he didn’t see how hurt you really were.

He did.

“Oh, love, come ‘ere,”

More tears came to your eyes as Douxie came closer, wrapping you in the best hug you’d had in months.  He didn’t say anything, and neither did you.  He just held you close and let you cry into his shoulder for as long as you needed.  And this was what you needed.  

It took you about ten minutes to cry yourself out.  Douxie didn’t mind.  He was going to be there for you, no matter what, and if that meant his shirt got a little damp, he didn’t care.  You were more important.

“Thanks, Doux,”  you said, voice rough from crying, “Oh, god.  I’m sorry,”

“You don’t need to apologize.  You needed to vent your feelings, I’m just glad I could help,”

“Me too,” you pulled back, just enough to see his face, “I’m still going to apologize for getting your shirt wet though,”

Douxie laughed, “That’s fine, (Y/N), I care more about you than the shirt,”

You didn’t say anything.  If you did you’d cry again.

So, you just sat there, relaxing with your friend, drinking tea and listening to Jolene on repeat.  Your eyes were closed, your head on his shoulder, and his arm around you.  It was nice.  Really nice.  Better than anything in your actual relationship.

And then you had an idea.

“Hey, Douxie?  You do music, yeah?”

“Yeah, why do you ask?”

“Do you think you could teach me how to play this on the guitar?”

“If you want me to I can,”

“I think I’d like that.  I want to make something good out of this.  It can’t be all heartbreak,”

“You’re right, darling, it can’t.  We won’t let it,”

You smiled at him, making his whole being feel warm, “Thank you,”

“It’s my pleasure.  I can pick you up tomorrow if you’d like?”

“That sounds good,” you said, relaxing back into your place at his side.

The two of you stayed like that for another hour.  You could have stayed there forever, but you wanted Douxie to get home before it got too dark.  Weird things happened in Arcadia at night, and wizard or not, you’d prefer it if he stayed safe.  

You said goodbye in a moment of tension.  Not the same angry tension you’d known with your ex, but something new.  Something much softer.  You realized then that you wanted to kiss Douxie.  That kissing him wouldn’t be a chore, something you did to keep up appearances.  It wouldn’t be something that was done to you because someone else wanted it.  This would be something you did because you wanted to.  But you didn’t kiss him.  Not yet.

The next day, Douxie was at your door, ready to walk you from your apartment to his.  It wasn’t a long walk by any means, but it was enough to fit in some quirky banter.  It was more than enough for you to feel safe again.

“Do you think pigeons have feelings?” you asked as Douxie unlocked the door.

“Probably.  We could ask Archie, he might know?”

“That sounds like a plan,”

He let you into his home, which was just as you remembered it.  Comfortable, a bit scrappy, but in a way that made you feel comfortable.  Right now, Douxie’s apartment felt more like home than yours did.

“You get the guitar, I’ll make tea,”  you said, turning to face him.

“You don’t have to-”

“Ah, yes, but I’m going to,”

He smiled as you walked away.

One pot of tea later, a guitar was in your hands.  It was taking you a hot minute to get the chords right, but you were nothing if not determined.  Douxie was an amazing teacher.  He was patient, calm, and not at all condescending.  It was a nice change from what you were used to.

“Here, let me,” he said, moving his hands to rest over yours, positioning your hands properly, “Like this,”

“Thank you, Douxie,”

“It’s not a problem, love,”

“No, I mean, seriously.  You didn’t have to do this.  Thank you,”

He moved his eyes from your hands to your eyes, “(Y/N), of course I had to do this.  You deserve the world and better,”  he took a deep breath,  “Love, I’m so sorry that that bastard hurt you.  He did so many awful things to you, and you’re incredible for handling it the way that you did,”

“Really?”

“Uh, yeah?  You handled it like an adult.  I think I would have killed him,”

You laughed.  You wouldn’t mind it so much if Douxie fought your ex.  You didn’t want him dead, but if your wizard friend could kick his ass a little, that would be nice.  Of course, the first one who got a chance at knocking some sense into that slimy git would be you, but after that Douxie could have his turn.  The thought made you laugh harder.

It only took a minute for both you and Douxie to be on the floor, laughing.  It wasn’t even that funny, but crying from laughter felt a lot better than crying from heartbreak.  Eventually, you picked up the guitar again, but it took a while.  You couldn’t get enough of Douxie’s laugh, and he couldn’t get enough of yours.

Before he walked you home, Douxie grabbed your shoulders, “You know you deserve better than him, right?”

You grinned, wrapping your arms around his waist, “I know.  But it’s nice to hear someone else say it,”

“I’m glad I could be of service,”

You giggled again, still wanting to kiss him.  But you didn’t.  Not yet.

It took you a little while to learn all of Jolene.  Some parts were harder than others, but eventually, you got it.  Douxie had never been prouder.  

After that, you were addicted.  You got Douxie to teach you other songs.  It didn’t take much convincing.  He loved listening to you play.  He loved a lot more than that, and you loved a lot more than the guitar.

It had been a few months since the break-up.  

You were in Douxie’s apartment, Archie curled up by the window, the wizard himself in the kitchen, and you on the couch, trying to get a chord right.  It wasn’t going well.  You groaned loudly, waking Archie.

“You don’t have more questions about pigeons, do you?  Because I told you, I will not be speaking with them again-”

“No, Arch, it’s not that.  It’s just this freaking chord is driving me insane,”

“Ah,” the familiar said, looking between you and the guitar, “I’d help if I had hands.  Good luck, though,”

“Thanks, Arch,”  you returned your focus to the chord, still frustrated.  Then Douxie’s hands were on yours.

“You’ve almost got it, it’s just-”  he adjusted your hands.  As he did, you noticed how close he was, seated behind you on the couch.

“Thank you, Doux.  Not just for this, I mean for everything, you’ve been amazing the past few months, and I-”

“(Y/N), I would do anything for you,”

You turned as much as you could, facing him, “Really?”  you asked, hearing your own smirk in your voice.

Douxie laughed slightly, “Really.  I-”  he bit his lip, driving you more insane than any guitar chord ever could, “I think I love you, (Y/N),”

This was it.

You (finally) kissed him.

And it wasn’t a chore or something that was done to you, it was something you did that you both wanted to do.  It was soft and safe, and it felt good.  It felt like you were loved the way you deserved to be loved.  This was the world and better.

“I love you too, Douxie,”

[bitchiha]

Can you please make HCS for sasuke, madara and hashirama (naruto too but I want to bother yo😢) and how they'll deal with their pregnant s/o? When the bump start to grow and their mood swings, weird food combinations and pregnancy struggles in general? Also when their s/o becomes 10 times more affectionate with them and is just soft and clingy. Thank you!💞💖💗

A/N: thanks for the request! I know I was a little slow getting to it but man I’m so swamped with life rn lol 😔 uhh also I swapped Madara out bc I felt like I didn’t make it accurate enough and so I physically couldn’t bring myself to post w his headcanons so I subbed naruto in

✎ Pregnant s/o!! (Sasuke, Hashirama, Naruto)

Sasuke Uchiha

!!I’ve done some headcanons for Sasuke + a preg s/o over here before, so His will be a bit shorter!!

He’s surprised when the baby bump actually starts showing because he didn’t actually believe he was going to have kid. So it really starts to settle in at that point.

Will make sure to be extra cautious around you to make sure nothing bad will happen to you or the baby. He’s in full force protective mode, of course he’ll play it cool but know that he’s got your back.

He’s used to his own mood swings, but when you start getting them he’s like?? What do I do? He’ll be tolerant asf though like you can call him every name in the book and then hug him five seconds later and he’ll just be there like: it’s apart of the process I guess. He can really keep his cool through a shocking amount of insults.

When he starts seeing you eating the weirdest food combinations he is confused, but he won’t say anything because he’s already experienced your mood swings and is not about to trigger them again by saying anything. If you offer him some he’ll just say no and back out of the kitchen, he doesn’t really need to get a snack.

Oh boy the clinginess. When it starts to happen he’s a bit shocked, but he assumes it’s apart of the process. (He assumes everything’s apart of the pregnancy process tbh.) I know he lowkey likes it, I know deep down he digs that clingy shit. Of course he won’t outwardly admit that, but the fact that he isn’t putting up a fight at you smothering his face is a good enough sign.

He will probably very sneakily get a book from the library about pregnancy instead of asking someone about it. Over his dead body would he ask someone like Hinata or Sakura about this stuff. So he consults a book, it was difficult bc some of the stuff he was shook to read about, but he managed to finish it.

Once the book’s finished he feels like he’s prepared for any pregnancy struggles you may have. Still somehow manages to internally flip his shit when something happens. He’ll try his best to help though.

Hashirama Senju

He’s so excited when he finds out that you’re gonna have a child together. Like a child of your own that you’ll both raise to be an amazing shinobi. Ugh he’ll be daydreaming about his kid until you actually have the child, then he’s in shambles, but that’s another story.

Will flex the fact that he is gonna have a child to anyone and anything in his path, which is kinda not a good idea. He also tightens security for the house just incase. He will be so protective bc he’s the Hokage and that makes you and the baby more vulnerable to possible attacks.

Probably yaps Madara and Tobiramas ear off because of how much he’ll talk about you and the baby. Like every five seconds he’s like “I’m having a kid lol” and tobiramas just like shut the fuck up (he’s happy for him tho.)

When he first sees the little baby bump he’s so fucking hyped. Like he’ll probably come up to you randomly just to place his hands on it. He’s like “that’s my kid in there wow.” Honestly he’s just so excited like that man is a ball of happiness.

He’s gonna be kinda shook about some of the pregnancy struggles. Like when you start getting mood swings he’s like so confused at first. He just figures it’s cause of the baby and so he’ll try and hug it out. You could have just called him a bunch of names and he’s just gonna be like “shut up let’s just hug it out.”

That usually does the trick and when it doesn’t, he’ll sneak out and let you fume for a bit before he comes back and tries again.

Enjoys the clinginess 100%. Like he loves it. Its a nice change from the bad part of the mood swings. While you’re cuddling he’ll play with your hair and have a hand resting on your belly. Then you’ll both talk about what you want to name the baby if it’s a boy or a girl, what you think they’ll be like, if they’ll have his eyes or you hair. (He prays they have his hair bc let’s be real it’s lucious asf.)

Like idk I feel like I need to emphasize the fact that he really does love the soft clingy side you’ll get. If he’s working a lot he will sometimes bring you to work with him, will let you lay on a couch in his office while he does his work.

He will have to refrain so hard from laughing at the weird cravings you’re having. Like if he walks into the kitchen and sees you eating some next level crazy meal he’s gonna need to back out of the kitchen and calm himself down. Then he’ll walk in and be like “hey honey, whatcha doing?”

Just because you knew he was laughing and what you were eating five seconds ago you’ll force him to eat it with you. Then he’ll be all like “I’m the hokage! I can’t get sick! Not like this, anyways.” Then he sees your face and he’s like: shit. So he ends up eating with you. Will pretend it’s good but he’s dying on the inside.

When you’re too tired to get out of bed some days he’ll definitely try his best to make you feel comfortable. Will use an earth style jutsu to put flowers around the room to entertain you while you’re in bed. He will also make your weird pregnancy craving meals for you while you’re in bed. And yes, he will laugh to himself the whole time while he makes it.

The closer to the pregnancy he gets the more he daydreams about your kid. He’ll get so excited and will think about all the things he’s gonna teach them.

Naruto Uzumaki

I feel like him and Hashirama would have similar reactions to a lot of things. Like when he first finds out about your pregnancy he is so hyped and will tell literally anyone. Thinks about his future kid all the time. Will probably suggest to name the kid after some type of ramen.

He’s the most immature about dealing with pregnancy stuff. Like I know I wanna give him the benefit of the doubt but.. let’s be real here he’s freaking out the whole time. That’s not to say he isn’t gonna try and be helpful though, like he will genuinely try his best to help. It just won’t end up the way he wanted it too.

Will ask Sakura about what the heck he’s supposed to do, she’ll probably be super helpful and will try and give you some weird special food pills to help you keep energized. Naruto will burn them when she leaves bc he knows those food pills are so gross, it’s the thought that counts I guess.

He also takes videos and pictures 24/7. He wants to make sure he documents everything. “Look, future baby! Your mom is having another pregnancy mood swing- ach! Did’ya see that? Your mom just tossed a shoe at me!”

When the baby bump starts forming he pokes it. Not harmfully, just like.. he wants to make sure it’s real. Like he’s actually having a kid, Crazy! Anyway, so after he pokes it to make sure it’s not fake, he’ll document the moment. “Hey future baby! Look, this is you. Inside there.” (Cue a vv gentle stomach poke)

The mood swings can entertain him sometimes and other times they can annoy the crap out of him. Like you’re crying one second and the next you’re yelling about the one time he forgot to pick you up for a date like three years ago. He’s really crappy at handling anything that have to do with mood swings. He’ll either be a doof about it or he’ll get offended. Then Sakura has to knock some sense into him.

He means well though, he’s still getting used to everything.

Don’t even get me started on how he reacts to the weird food cravings. Like sometimes he’ll lovingly tease the crap out of you for the weird things you’re eating or he’ll be excited and join in. Like you’re putting a scoop of peanut butter in your ramen? He’s grabbing the chopsticks! Will probably be sick afterwards.

The times when you are clingy are the best, he’ll drop whatever he’s doing so you two can just hang out. If that means you just want to lay in bed and sleep, then he’ll do it! Or if that means you wanna go on a walk, then he’ll do it!

Likes to spend as much time with you as possible. Just wants to make sure you’re okay and if you need him to do anything for you.

Overall 10/10 bc he may be a little bit of a goof, but he always means well <3

[pastel-player]

MML Headcanons

Oh hi, I exist and I’m obsessed with Milo Murphy’s Law. This is my extensive list of headcanons. So enjoy, I guess? Also feel free to ask me any questions about my opinions/headcanons related to the show ;D

- Milo's pain tolerance is insanely high due to how often he's been injured. He's been in pain so many times that he doesn't really mind it all that much anymore. It still hurts just, you wouldn't be able to tell he's in pain unless it's a VERY serious injury.

- Milo very rarely cries and when he does it’s usually been so long he can’t remember when he last did. (Often the time between can range anywhere from several months to a full year) This is due to one, him being pretty much incapable of being brought to tears by physical pain and two, the fact that emotionally, he’s very stable and adores his life.

- Murphys can naturally attract bad weather if their emotionally distraught. (Supposedly it’s just kinda what happens when you mix negative emotions with negative probability) It’s basically the universe thematically rubbing salt in an open wound. For instance it will sometimes start raining if they’re sad and thunder storms can occur if they’re incredibly stressed. (Thankfully their all emotionally pretty stable)

- The Murphys had some trouble coming up with a name for Diogee. Sara jokingly suggested they name him “D-O-G” and it was the only thing he would respond to. Since no one could think of anything better, it stuck and eventually evolved into the name “Diogee.”

- Milo is curious about the concept of order, but is still struggling to fully grasp the concept, mostly due to having little to no frame of reference.

- Amanda has OCD this one is canon no one is convincing me otherwise

- Saying the sentence “What could possibly go wrong?” Anywhere near a Murphy is generally considered as tempting fate at best and a death wish at worst. It’s justified since it’s basically a trigger phrase for Murphy’s law.

- Zack really likes trees. No real reason he just has an absurd amount of knowledge on them, the fascination is part of why his initial band had the themeing it did.

- Milo takes a lot of pride in his heritage and condition. He studies his family tree extensively and can name most of the tree going back to when the condition first began. He sees caution signs as a symbol of pride of sorts for his family, which is the main reason he has one on his backpack.

- Melissa has trouble making friends, even if she won’t admit it. So once she meet Milo she became really protective and starting spending most of her time with him.

- Some Murphy’s keep sets of dice just for the fun of seeing how much the condition effects probability. The amount of times any of them have rolled a natural 20 could easily be counted on one hand.

- Milo has a tendency to keep track of, and if prompted can list off, everything that’s gone wrong that day. He’s unaware that he even does this.

- For every single thing Milo can list that went wrong on any given day, he can list at least twice as many things that went right or that he’s thankful for. He keeps track of this subconsciously, just like with the above.

- Pretty much every Murphy is amazing at motivating and giving emotional support, their family reunions are just wholesome as they are chaotic.

- “Jinx” actually does have some very strong negative undertones for the Murphy family. Historically it’s been used to dehumanize them as nothing more then walking disaster zones and it’s even been used as a simplification of the condition itself. Because of this, the family tries to dissuade people from using it and teach their children to treat it as a swear words of sorts.

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #370

“breakdowns, obscenities, it’s all i wanna be”

Do you have any bad habits you aren’t working on changing? If so, do you ever think you’ll try to break them? Downloading music, for one. I really should just start using Spotify... but my iPod has over 1k songs on it and I just seriously don't want to got through all the trouble. When was the last time someone surprised you with their reaction or behaviors? Hm. I dunno. What kinds of videos do you like to watch on YouTube, if any? I watch SO many different kinds. It used to be pretty strictly let's plays, but I've definitely expanded my watching interests. Now I'm really into watching educational reptile and tarantula husbandry and keeping channels, I watch one woman who is like my weight loss idol (Jordan Shrinks, she is amazing), there's a few vloggers, I enjoy some World of Warcraft channels, and then there's a couple urban exploration guys I like. I also occasionally watch some beauty YouTubers just for their personalities and the art of it. Have you ever reached out to a crisis center for mental health support? If so, how was the experience? Yes, but they were so busy that I didn't connect with anyone before I finally gave up and ODed. When was the last time you did something you were afraid to do, and how was the outcome? Ummmm I don't really know. What is one positive thing you believe about yourself? I care a lot about other people. What is something you have been through that has made you stronger? The breakup. It brought me to the lowest of lows, where every day was a struggle to survive. It taught me I can endure through almost anything, even if it doesn't feel like I can. Other than money, what is something you wish you had more of in your life? Happiness, contentment, being in love, motivation, energy, activities, travel... There's genuinely a lot. IIs there anything that you tend to ignore for the sake of your sanity? I'm very bad at ignoring things. If something is bothering me, it's going to put up a beastly fight to be at the forefront of my mind. What is something you wish was different about your family? I wish we were closer and better off monetarily. What keeps you going lately? The hope for a happy, satisfactory future. Have you ever been in an unconventional relationship (long distance, polyamorous, same gender, age gap, etc)? if so, what challenges did this relationship present, and were they worth overcoming? I've been in a long-distance relationship with another girl. I think the hardest part was that there was not being able to physically be there for each other when one of us was really struggling, and sometimes communication was an issue, not being able to read body language when we voice chatted or hear the tone in which we "spoke" when texting, though I'm pretty sure that's an issue with any online relations. I also feel it's difficult to really build and experience your chemistry with one another when you're not physically with the other person. I still think all these challenges were worth overcoming, though. I in no way regret the relationship and got only good things out of it. What is the most unhealthy relationship (whether friendship or romantic) you’ve ever had? What made it so unhealthy? Do you still talk to each other? I'm kinda torn between Jason and Colleen, but I think my bond with Jason was ultimately more unhealthy because it went beyond love: he was an obsession. Having him with me was the only thing that brought me joy, and I lit-er-a-lly could not imagine my future without him. Like that concept just didn't exist; it was entirely impossible in my head. On his end, he failed to communicate what he was going through emotionally, which only contributed to the damage. I never knew he was struggling because of me. Without realizing it, I put so much pressure on him to make me happy, so to answer the last question, no, we don't, by his decision - and I don't blame him. Have you ever been abusive in any way? Were you able to change or make amends, or, in general, what do you think people should do to make amends in that situation? A neverending battle I have with myself is if how I treated Jason after the breakup was qualifiable as emotional abuse, specifically with messaging him things like "thanks for sending me to the ER" and shit. My therapist reassures me that it wasn't abusive because I wasn't being deliberately manipulative, but rather genuinely hurt and convinced I had been wronged and wanted him to know and acknowledge it. She agrees that it was wrong, which I entirely agree with, but sometimes, I'm still convinced I was abusive. I fucking hate answering this question, so hurrying up: I don't know if he's forgiven me. As for how others could reconcile, that's not for me to say. I know sometimes the answer is to NOT make amends and completely stay away from their abuser. It's not my right to tell others how to cope with their abuse. Have you ever forgiven someone for being abusive or allowed someone toxic back into your life? Did this person change for the better or not? My former best friend Colleen was toxic as all fuck hell, and I let her back in way too many times. No, she never changed. I honesty doubt she ever will, given her pride. When was the last time you did something “meant” for children? Do you think it’s okay for adults to do these things (ie. watch cartoons, have stuffed animals, dress in cute clothing, etc), or do you think there’s an age beyond which it becomes unacceptable - and if so, why? Hmmm... I know this was semi-recent, but whatever it was is evading me at the moment. I personally have zero issue with adults engaging in activities like that; let people do what they enjoy if they're not harming anyone, especially things as innocent as dressing how they think is cute, etc. I would far rather people "act like children" (not emotionally, you know what I mean) than run around the streets selling drugs and shit. What was the last thing to “trigger” you (as in, in a true mental health sense, I’m being serious here) and how did you cope with it? What kinds of things do you tend to find triggering? What do you do either avoid or face your triggers? When I was riding to the sleep study section of the health plaza, where the hospital is, my anxiety spiked quite a bit, recalling all of my ER stays for being suicidal. It didn't help that the psych hospital I visited most is also in that whole jumble of buildings. I dealt with it by reminding myself I was in that area for a very different reason, and Mom reassured me that where I would be staying was more like a small hotel room than a hospital bed, which was true, so that helped. Regarding the next question, I'm not gonna lie to ya, I have a stupid amount of PTSD triggers: certain music, shows, fandoms, places, smells, even tastes of certain foods. I tend to stay away from my major triggers, but I'll *sometimes* fight the tiny ones, because I want that sense of ownership of myself back. If you’re diagnosed with anything, do you feel that it accurately represents what you’re experiencing? Yes. What are some minor physical discomforts that really bug you (eyelash in your eye, a wedgie, rumpled socks, etc)? I'm VERY sensitive to feeling anything in my nose, and it leads to me needing to blow it a lot. I also can't stand having holes in my socks, but since I wear flip flops essentially everywhere, I don't experience this much. Are you ever afraid to admit to liking something because you’re afraid other people will judge you for it? What is the worst that’s ever happened as a result of you liking something different from the crowd? What about the best thing that’s come as a result of a unique interest? Y E P!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Nothing really bad has happened because of admitting my interests, other than hearing things along the lines of "I don't get it." It's very odd, just how horribly receptive I am to judgment about things I like when I don't recall a time where I was ridiculed for anything. But anyway, the best thing to happen from sharing interests for me is making a new friend that likes the same thing, and I will IMMEDIATELY be closer to you than most people I associate with once you've helped me past that vulnerable spot of mine. Have you ever remained good friends with an ex? Yeah. Do you have a negative view of mentally ill people, or are you mentally ill yourself? Do you ever call others crazy, insane, etc? Do you ever call yourself those things? I'm mentally ill and empathize heavily with those who suffer themselves. I absolutely do not have a negative look on mental health sufferers; we don't choose to be victims. I'm definitely not a big fan of abusing terms like "insane," because I've fucking been there, and it's not a term to take lightly. I've thrown 'em around before, but I try to avoid it. I don't call myself any of those things nowadays, but in the deepest trench of my depression and PTSD, I honest to God think I fit the definition of "insane." Does it bother you to have people comment on what you’re eating, or do you not care? What are some comments that would bother you, if any? Do you ever comment on what other people are eating or make assumptions about their intakes? YES. JUST DON'T FUCKING COMMENT. I get EXTREMELY self-conscious when my mom does this sometimes when I occasionally need a small snack to hold me out overnight, and I absolutely never will say something to someone else. It's just rude, imo. Well, I guess if someone was really destroying their health and I was close to them, I would out of concern and be very gentle, but when regarding most people? I'm keeping my thoughts to my damn self. Do you like Redbull? I've never tried it and don't want to. I'm not an energy drink fan. Who is the last person you spent money on? My mom. I remember I bought us fast food when we were out once. What are you looking forward to in the next 4 days? G U Y S!!!!!!!!! I GET MY TATTOO TOMORROW!!!!!!!!!!! :'''') Also on the same day, I start my TMS therapy, which I have high hopes for. Have you ever gone a whole day without eating? No. Do you sometimes use your music player to help you fall asleep? No, but I did that for years back in middle school. Have you ever had a crush on someone “too young” for you? No. Do you shave your legs more than once a week? Haaaaaaaaa. If you could cuddle with anyone right now, who would you pick? I really wish I could cuddle my late pup Teddy again. :/ I was thinking about that recently. Are you tanned? God no. I never am. Do you try to wear dresses whenever you can? No. I wish I was in a shape where I was comfortable wearing spring dresses again... I had this floral skull one in high school that I adored. Are you wearing something that belongs to someone else? No. Have you ever been called a bitch? Yes. Did you like the person you last kissed when you kissed them? I loved her. Who did you have a meaningful conversation with last? Sara. Do you have feelings for someone? Yeah, but they're like... on a leash, you could say. I don't let 'em run free and wild, and I know that even if nothing comes of those feelings again, it's fine. Are you trying to avoid liking somebody at the moment? I think Jason will be this answer for a very long time, if not forever, given the trauma and all. I have to remind myself frequently that I love his memory, not him, because I don't even know him anymore. It's been YEARS since we spoke. Just like I've changed incredibly, I'm sure he has, too. If you saw life in black & white, would that be okay with you? I mean, it would suck, but it wouldn't be the end of the world. When you wake up in the middle of the night and can’t get back to sleep, what kinds of things are you likely to do? How often do you find you have trouble sleeping? I do exactly what you shouldn't do and get back on the laptop. I'd say I most often get on WoW and refresh the auctions I have up because that tends to tire me out because I do that shit manually to avoid any addon mishaps, and I have a looooot to put up as a gold farmer. What was the last lengthy packet you filled out? Something to see if I qualified for a sleep study. Are you a patient person? What is one way you have a lot of patience? What about not very much patience at all? I am NOT patient, at least regarding more trivial things, like sitting in waiting rooms. I do have patience though with other people with more serious things, like getting someone to open up to me. At what time during the day do you tend to feel your best? What about the worst? When I first wake up. It's a "fresh start" and it's nice to feel rested. Plus, I open a fresh can of cold soda as my "coffee" for lack of better word, haha. I'm in my worst mood probably late afternoon/early evening, by which time I am incredibly bored and just dulled down. What was the last thing you did that you wish you could take back or do differently? The last thing... I dunno. How frequently do you stay overnight somewhere that isn’t your own home? What things do you miss about home when you’re away? Do you tend to get homesick easily? Pretty much never. I do miss my room and its privacy when I'm away from home, but I wouldn't say I get homesick all that easily, so long as I have WiFi, haha. Do you tend to eat more in the beginning of the day or at night? Do you have a tendency to snack when you’re bored? If so, what kinds of snacks do you normally go for? Not necessarily the beginning of the day, but definitely more than at night. I am BAD about snacking when I'm extremely bored, but at the very least I'm conscious enough to try and find something semi-healthy, like granola bars, fruits, a scoop of peanut butter, but I also sometimes just eat like... a slice of bread or a tortilla. Horrible choice. I'm a carb fiend and I hate it. If you have any dietary restrictions, do you ever miss foods you can’t have? If not, what’s something you haven’t had for a long time that you wish you could eat again? I thankfully don't have any. I've been craving cheesecake like a madman lately. :< The spicy shrimp fritas from Olive Garden, too. Is there something you still can’t do even though you’re an adult or might be expected to do this thing? I don't have my license, and my driver's permit is even expired. I'm terrified of driving. I also don't have a job, and I can't cook. When was the last time you congratulated someone? Were you happy for them, indifferent, jealous? Uhhh I think someone on Facebook had a baby. Of course I was happy for them. What was the last milestone you reached in your life (graduating, buying a car, starting a family, etc)? What milestone are you going for next, if any? Um... I haven't reached a true milestone in years. Hell, I don't think since I started recovery from the breakup. Do you enjoy getting comments or messages? How likely are you to leave comments or messages for other people? Yeah, it makes me feel cared about. It really depends on the platform on how much I leave other people comments, and I'm extremely shy about messaging, but I'll do it sometimes. When are you most likely to scream (either out of fright, anger, or whatever)? Do you scream or yell often? When was the last time someone screamed at you (or in your presence)? Frustration, for sure. I've screamed into a pillow more than once. I definitely don't yell or especially scream often. I'm sure the last person to yell at me was Mom, but I don't remember about what. What would you say is your STRONGEST emotion? Maybe not the most frequent, but the most intense? And what emotion do you feel most weakly, even if you might feel it more often? I'd saaaay... maybe love. When I love something/someone, I love HARD. I think I experience joy the weakest; it's very muted for me. And lastly, what are you listening to? Is this a band you listen to a lot "The Heretic Anthem" by Slipknot. I wouldn't say I listen to them a lot, but I have been more than usual lately.

[queencryo]

Oh yeah. I don’t rememebr what I’ve written down, but a brief update on capstone:

- prof shits immensely upon our internal showoff video, which is fair considering we didn’t have our mobile app actually conencted to our system, and our prototype was the electircal components superglued to a piece of plywood.

- We meet with her the next day, at her behest, to discuss what we can cut like what is the bare minimum for our project that she will accept for a passing grade. Turns out, the bare minimum is exactly what we were planning on doing anyway (the entire project), as the only things she was sort of okay with cutting were our work on the power systems and chassis (both of which were already done or very close to it). Also, that we needed another prototype to show the networking portion of our system. So... net INCREASE in work needed.

- We’ve been working just about every available hour since then (last wednesday - monday now), I think I’ve gone home before 11PM once since then (disclaimer, I didn’t do anything last thursday bc I desperately needed a break: tuesday was when we went full speed, not when we started working hard).

- As it stands, we have a relatively good version of the mobile application, it can connect to the system well, systems can connect to each other okay, our networking and bluetooth connections do jut about eveyrthing we want them to. I’ve got three prototypes built (one full, one with everything but no chassis (just glued onto a piece of plywood), and one like the second but without power control and a servo flag (meaning it can’t operate off battery power alone). We only need one full prototype to show off the chassis and the full design, so that works.

- After some testing yesterday, we realized that our sensor is.... not *amazing*. Its field of view is really low, and when something moves too fast it tends to freak out and say that it was 6m away, even when it wasn’t. Also, sensing is just about terrible with the plexiglass on top, so that had to be removed. Which.... kind of ruins the point of the chassis design, but like. I’m not TOO upset I guess if it works. Anyway, we were fucking around with it last night and getting Lowkey Despairing at the fact that we couldn’t get the sensor to stop triggering on things <4m away (which is one of our user requirements, that it not do that), until one of my teammates had the idea to add noise filtering to the sensor data. Which, basically, means that it only counts as a trigger if two consecutive sensor readings would have marked it as one. It’s not PERFECT, but the amount of false positives at <4m we are seeing is massively reduced. And we doubled the speed of the sensor reading, so hopefully doing that won’t hurt our detection of actual (fast) objects at >4m.

- more on that sensor issue, actually: we were getting kinda hopeless about it, until we noticed that it only happened on objects (such as a human hand) passing laterally above the cone; things going up and down over the cone were fine. Then, we saw that the speed of an object over the sensor determined the likelihood that such a false positive would occur. not sure how we figured it out, but yeah basically things going to fast into it makes it freak out. I’m not sure we know why, but if we do I forgot it. I might steal it from our networking guy and do some experiments to see if I can figure out a way to avoid this. Maybe the spikes all have lower amplitude than real readings, or something? I don’t know. We haven’t been able to test how real drones behave wrt amplitude and stuff, or at least *I* haven’t, because I haven’t been able to come to any of the drone flying expeditions.

- I took a neat video of us pushing a ball back and forth in front of the cone to test it out and see if it would fuck up. it only fucked up once, but apparently the prof caught that so :/

- Today, two of my teammates went to (I don’t fucking know where) to meet with our prof, to fly an actual drone over the device. It went... not terrible, by my teammates’ account. She didn’t tell us that we were dogshit and going to fail, so that’s good honestly. She mostly recommends that we do some really thorough unit testing to show that everythign works and to find things that don’t. Not that we really have time for that, because we have to make a 10-15 minute presentation/video for tomorrow, so I don’t know where she gets off thinking we have the time for that! But. Anyway. yeah, she recommends we do some really thorough testing, unit testing, integration testing etc. Not sure what we’re going to do, I’m just trying to get as much sleep as I can before this evening.

Sigh. tired. scared.

[thorne93]

Unforeseen Chasm (Part26)

Prompt: Two sisters fall for men that are absolute enemies. The love they have could tear all of them apart, or it could bring them together.

Word Count:3140

Warnings: Language

Note: This is by far the longest thing I’ve ever written (including my novels). It’s a collaboration with the amazing @mrs-dragneel-stark-solo​​. It started as a funny “What if…?” and it evolved and got huge. This took two years to write. We are both proud and happy and we hope you enjoy it. It follows from Thor 1 to Endgame in the MCU. Some of the timelines may be off in order to fit certain people, and some characters may show up earlier or in different ways than they have in the movie. But for the most part, it follows the MCU. It also has a bit of crossover with some other Marvel characters throughout the story.

Masterlist for Unforeseen Chasm

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The following morning you couldn’t wait to talk to Shannon so you opened up the tablet, clicked the video chat app, and chose your only contact. For some people, one contact might seem lonely, but for you, that one contact was all you needed. 

She accepted the call and her stunning face lit up the window as you pulled your coffee close to your lips. 

“Morning, Y/N,” she greeted, pouring her own coffee, a tired look on her face. 

“Morning, hun.” You waved to her. “Any big plans for the day?” you wondered. 

“Kinda,” she answered after swallowing some coffee. 

You perked an eyebrow up. “Oh? I’m intrigued. What’s on the agenda?”

“Hoping to finish creating that surprise for you two,” she informed. 

You frowned at her, confused. “I thought the tablet was my surprise?” 

She smiled widely and giggled. “Nope, that’s for us to chat. But there’s this research I’ve been doing for a few months now but still no result. I feel like I’m missing something.” 

“What research?” you blurted out, not able to resist asking.

“It’s got to do with the genetic mutation in identical twins,” she informed. “Here. If you go to your office, you can project my notes and data from the camera that’s set up there. Just double tap the screen when you get there.”

You nodded and took your coffee and tablet to the office in the adjoining room, while she sent the files down to your cell. 

“Everything is there. I’m just having trouble identifying how it is that one of the two ends up with a mutation while the other doesn’t,” she commented, sounding frustrated. 

“Have you listened to Bach?” you asked, knowing that every time she listened to him, it jogged her mind. 

She stared at you through the tablet and deadpanned, “What do you think?” 

You laughed and held your hands up “Okay, okay. Fraternal or maternal twins? Raised in the same environment? What are Tony’s thoughts? Banner’s? They have a lot of experience with mutation… Did you call Charles?”

“Depends on the case. I have a few sets that are paternal and some there is a turn off, but they have the opposite effect with the mutations from each side. Tony doesn’t know. He is not really aware of what happened. Banner… he can help with just a small amount. The thing with the experience on mutation is that you know Bruce and becoming the Hulk but there’s not much you can get out of it because even his own studies have led to very little.” She began to read in her ledgers. “Speaking of, I’m actually I’m going to contact Charles later today. Hopefully he’s not that busy, and neither is Logan, and they can probably run some tests, figure out some stuff. Probably hit the ring to see what triggers some of my powers.”

Your face fell a little bit, remembering how you used to visit Charles with her. It made you miss him and all of the X-Men… “Oh, are your powers… bad? I mean.. Like, you haven’t consulted Charles in a long time,” you noted. 

She glanced over to the screen, noticing the change in your tone. 

“If you don’t want to tell me, that’s fine. It’s not really any of my business if you powers aren’t going quite right,” you stated, laughing somewhat nervously, a pang of guilt hitting your gut. 

“Don’t worry, Y/N. It’s not that they’re bad. It’s just… they’re changing. I used to take people’s powers temporarily, but now, I can store them. And the shapeshifting and the flying. I’m rapidly mutating and I’m not sure what’s causing it…”

You nodded, listening to her, worried for her, and angry that you were locked in a cell with no way to help her. 

“Y/N… do you remember that one kid at the mansion who would feed off people's emotions and it became what he felt?” she asked, looking at you, hoping you remembered. 

Sadly, you didn’t, so you shook your head. “No, who was that?” 

“I can’t remember his name, but he had bumped into me one of those few times I went to train. And it seems I absorbed some of his powers and that what might be messing me up. It used to be very subtle, but now… now I can hardly get through an emotional event without it draining on me. Like when Steve had to carry me out,” she reminded. 

“You think it’s damaging you,” you said, summarizing for her. 

“I think it is,” she agreed. “If it’s emotionally strong, positive or negative, I just… The fight I had with Tony?”

“Yeah?” 

“I was so mad at what he was saying I hadn’t realized my weather powers had triggered and mixed with the laser beams I took from Cyclops and it mixed with your purple energy and things were thrown at Tony when I yelled at him. Thankfully one of his suits was there or I might have hurt him.”

You muttered, “I know what that’s like.” 

Shannon stopped what she was doing and put down her pen, giving you her full attention. “What do you mean you know what it’s like?” A moment later she added, “If you’re comfortable telling me, that is.”

“Ever since Thanos put this--” You showed your purple dark energy and then made it disappear “--inside me, it’s turned me into someone else… I was so angry all the time, at everything. It’s much better now, but I still get so much rage.” You looked up at the camera, facing her. “So I know what it’s like to not quite know what’s happening to your body… To have this… power… but it destroys you.” 

“It does. I’ve noticed I can’t keep up during training with Nat. Both of us being a part of the Red Room, we’ve kept to training like they taught us, but I’m just not as fast as I used to be.” She shrugged and looked a bit sullen. “It’s all still here,” she noted, pointing at her head with her pen. “It’s just that this is giving me trouble.” She closed her eyes, and then opened them, revealing  milky red eyes with purple swirls. 

“I can’t imagine how hard it is for you,” you commented. “To hold all those powers and finding out how to use them and keep them in check.”

“At least it hasn’t taken over… yet,” she remarked, staring down at her hands. 

“It won’t. You’re too strong for that,” you assured. 

Shannon smiled a small bit, glancing up to look at you through the screen, trying to find solace in your words. 

“I was hoping to see if I can get you out of there so that you can come with me to the mansion and we can both figure out what’s going on with our powers?” She sighed and reminded, “Of course, I’ll have to talk to Fury about it.” A groan escaped her just thinking about it, and you smiled slightly, remembering how much she did not like negotiating with the SHIELD director. 

Your face list up a million degrees. “You would really see about that?” 

“Of course. I want us to be able to get the help we need. We shouldn’t have to suffer at the hands of these powers.”

“I’m sort of public enemy number one. Not sure the world is ready for me to be out…” A deep frown followed your statement that didn’t go unnoticed by your friend. 

She lifted an eyebrow. “Well… technically, the world doesn’t know it was you. You know Charles, he’d probably help get you to the mansion without being seen, just to help you.”

A sly smile played on your lips. “Are you suggesting Nightcrawler break me out?” you teased. 

Shannon couldn’t help but start laughing jovially at your comment. “He’d probably have a blast getting out of there! That kid loves scaring Tony.”

You were so overwhelmed with the prospect of getting out, even if it was just for a few hours, that you had almost forgot about your fellow cellmate. Saness colored your face and tone. “I don’t know if I should Leave Loki though… That doesn’t seem… fair that I should get a day pass…” You glanced back toward your bedroom, a guilty look on your face. 

Shannon understood where you were coming from, so she offered, “I mean, it’s only if you want to. Besides, it’s not like we’re going out to shop. It’s to help you progress and reinstate yourself to the world.”

You bit your lip, noticing the wording. Reinstate yourself to the world… Right.. Because you were in prison. 

“Not to make that sound like you’re a felon!” she loudly corrected, turning back to the screen with a look of embarrassment. 

You waved it off. It wasn’t her fault you were in the situation you were in. 

“Let me talk to Loki?” you requested with raised eyebrows. “But I would love to see everyone again, and figure out how to get… this side of me out.” 

“Of course! Take whatever time you need. I’m not sure when I’ll be able to contact Charles, so let me know whenever you’ve made a decision.”

“I will. Thank you, Shannon. In the meantime, do you have anything physics related I can study? I am going bonkers down here…” You paused for a moment, before asking, “Does Tony mind you talking to me? Or sharing data? I mean, he’s still pissed at me… right?” 

This time, it was her turn to wave you off. “Forget Tony, he’s my problem, not yours.” She looked at you and smiled. “I could get you whatever Jane’s left unfinished? There are a few new things she got here.” She pointed to a stack of files on the nearby desk. 

“Please, send me anything, otherwise this gold mine is going to rot,” you joked, pointing to your head. 

“Well we can’t have that now, can we?” She giggled before talking to JARVIS. “JARVIS, send whatever files are in our system from Jane’s recent studies down to Y/N’s office.”

“Right away, Ms. Shannon. Is there anything else?”

“Let me know when Fury will be coming by the Tower or the complex, please?” 

“Yes, Ms. Shannon.”

“The files should be ready for you to look through, now. I’ll make sure any new data gets sent to you too.” Meanwhile, she was nodding her head while looking at the holographic data in front of her, swiping it to and fro. 

“I’ll let you get back to your work,” you offered, trying to hide the sadness in your voice. But her work and research was more important than keeping a prisoner like you company. 

She hummed. “Hmm? Oh, yeah, sorry. I just have a deadline for this and--”

“Shan, it’s fine,” you assured genuinely with a soft smile. 

She seemed to be relieved by your words. “Okay, I’ll talk to you later, okay? Don’t forget to talk to Loki and let me know?”

“I’ll let you know by the end of the day.”

“Thanks. Talk to you soon.”

The call ended. 

But no part of you could even be sad, for this had been the best gift you’d gotten in some time. Other than being allowed to share a cell with Loki, this was the next best thing.

-----------------------------

Loki was still asleep during your conversation with Shannon, but when he woke up and you made him a nice brunch, you decided to dive right into the touchy subject of you getting a day pass, and not him. 

“Uh, Loki,” you started as he ate his meal. 

“Yes, darling?” he asked, glancing up to you. 

You wrung your hands, knowing how this sounded. That you would be leaving Loki behind, that you were gaining freedom and he wasn’t. That you were not, in fact, equals, as you had said you’d been. As you always tried to prove to him. 

“Shannon.. She has an idea…”

“Is it an idea to break out of this?” he asked, pointing around with his eyes. 

“Well… actually… kind of.” 

He peered at you with a curious frown. 

“I told her about my powers, about how the thing Thanos pout in me is dark and it wears on me…” 

“Yes?” 

“Well… she’s going to Charles Xavier to get her powers looked at. It seems she has a mutation that’s causing her issues… And she said she might be able to get me a pass to sort of… go with her,” you informed nervously. You were so worried Loki would simply see this as a way of you gaining freedom, while he stayed behind. Or that you were somehow distancing yourself from him. 

“So you would get to leave?” he clarified. 

“Yes. She’s going to talk to Fury, and see if it’s even possible. It’s more like a trip to the doctor. I’ll be going to see if he can do anything about the power not being so…”

“Evil?” 

Your gaze slid to his as you nodded.

“My love, if you need to go, go. It will be nice for at least one of us to leave this cell, even if it’s just for a day.”

“Really?” you asked, hope swelling inside you.

“Yes, of course. Go, do whatever you need. I’ll be here when you get back,” he said with a sly smile and you couldn’t help but round the kitchen island and hug him tightly. 

-----------------------

As Shannon closed down her work and research for the day, she stepped out of the lab, somewhat exhausted, but simultaneously refreshed. It was amazing how just talking to you had lifted her spirit so much. She had only made it a few steps when Tony came up and greeted her. 

“Hey, babe. Mind walking with me?’ he asked.

“Ugh, Tony, I’m so tired... I think I just want to go sit and read for a little bit,” she said, hoping she wouldn’t offend him. 

“That’s fine, I just thought we could have a quick bite together?” he wondered, his eyebrows perched up,wanting to guilt her in with his innocent, irresistible look. 

She rolled her eyes and smiled. “Alright, alright. Yeah, let’s go grab a bite. What did you have in mind?” she asked as he led her down the hall toward the kitchen and dining area. 

As soon as the two of them rounded the corner, she was greeted with the Avengers and some other colleagues from around the tower. The people she’d hidden herself away from for the last several days.

“Surprise!” the group yelled. 

“What’s all this?” she asked, befuddled, a warm grin on her face. 

“We noticed you looked a little down,” Clint noted. 

“And you just got back,” Bruce added. 

“So they thought it would be nice to have a little welcome home dinner. Nothing fancy, just… the tower isn’t the same without you, babe,” Tony said, his arm wrapped around her shoulders.

“Oh, you shouldn’t have,” she said with a humble, sweet smile. 

“Nonsense!” Steve objected as Tony let go of her and Steve’s arm replaced it. “You deserve it. We all missed you.” 

“Well, thank you, all of you. I missed you too.”

---------------------------

Sometime later that evening, you called Shannon on the video chat. The AI found her closest device and opened up, displaying where she was. 

“Hey, Sha--” Was all you got out before you saw what was going on around her. It appeared to be a small party. Shannon had a drink in her hand, as did all the Avengers and a few other people you didn’t recognize. She was laughing and hitting Nat’s arm, while Tony and Clint were smiling and talking. Bruce seemed to be having a good time with the strangers, talking. 

At first, you were happy, a smile pulling at your lips, but just as you were about to join in, you realized -- you couldn’t. You couldn’t open your mouth and tell a joke, you couldn’t say anything to anyone… Because you were locked away, several floors below them, paying for your crime. Even if you did try to blend in, even if you did try to get anyone’s attention, you would be met with a resounding “fuck off”. Who knew what kind of pandemonium would’ve erupted if they knew you were contacting them. 

With a sad sigh, you swiped over to the texting app and sent Shannon a text, telling her that you were good to go.

You switched back to the video app, where Shannon pulled out her phone, smiled at it, typed a quick response, and pocketed it again. 

“Sounds good. I’ll talk to Fury,” she sent back.

Your face fell and you were about to close the app when you noticed Steve Rogers was looking at you. It seemed he had just glanced up. Your eyes met but you didn’t have it in you to try and smile to be polite. Steve gazed at you, and if you weren’t mistaken, you saw… sympathy in his eyes, in his slight frown. He gave you a tiny nod, and you returned it before your gaze dropped. 

Unable to bear the sadness, and downright pity for yourself, you closed the video app. Steve looked away, feeling sorry for you, but tried to get back to the party. 

Sulking, you closed the tablet and left it on the coffee table to get up and go to bed. 

Loki peered up at you from his magazine, a worried frown etched into his stunning features. “Darling?” 

“Hmm?” you hummed.

“Is everything alright? I thought you were going to call Shannon?” 

You turned slowly to face him. “Uh, I did. She was busy so… I'll catch up with her tomorrow,” you said, hoping to hide your disappointment. 

“Are you sure? You seem upset,” he commented as he stood and came over to you, putting his hands on your arms. 

“I’m fine,” you lied. 

He peered down at you with peculiarity. “If you’re not fine, you know you can tell me. If you don’t want to talk about it, I’ll understand.”

You smiled up at him, loving that you could tell him anything. “Alright, that’s fair. I'm not fine, but I don’t feel like talking about it.” 

He smiled. “There we are.” He kissed your forehead. “I’m here if you need me.”

“I know,” you assured before leaning up to kiss him earnestly, but quickly. “Thank you. I just want to go to bed for now. I’ll let you know if I feel like talking.”

“Goodnight, darling. I’ll be in shortly,” he promised with warmth. He let go of you and you nodded slightly before heading to bed and curling up in your bed. The bed you lived in for the last several months… the bed you would probably live the rest of your life in. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Tag List: @essie1876​ @magpiegirl80​ @letsgetfuckingsuperwholocked​ @iamwarrenspeace​ @marvel-imagines-yes-please​ @superwholocked527 @missinstantgratification​ @thejemersoninferno​ @rda1989​ @munlis​ @thefridgeismybestie​​ @bubblyanarocks3​​ @igiveupicantthinkofausername​​ @kaliforniacoastalteens​ @feelmyroarrrr​​ @kaelingoat​ @friendlyneighbourhoodweirdo​​ @damalseer​​ @heyitscam99​​ @yknott81​​ @sorryimacrapwriter​​ @glitterquadricorn​​ @xxqueenofisolationxx @little-dis-kaalista-pythonissama @bittersweetunicorm​​ @alyssaj23​​ @sea040561​​ @princess76179​​ @thisismysecrethappyplace​​ @sarahp879​​ @malfoysqueen14​​ @ellallheart​​ @breezy1415​​ @marvelmayo​​ @random-fluffy-pink-unicorn @cocosierra94 @hardcollectionworldtrash @capsmuscles @marvelloushamilton

@paintballkid711​

Loki: @lostinspace33​​ @ultrarebelheart​​ @lenawiinchester​​ @esoltis280​​ @tngrayson​​ @wangdeasang​​ @harrymewmew @jayfantasyatyourservice​​

UC:

@lokis-high-priestess​

[southwindscoffee]

Um so I had an amazing year

You cannot get poor enough to help poor people thrive or sick enough to help sick people get well. You only ever uplift from your position of strength and clarity and alignment. – Abraham/Esther Hicks

 So.

 I had an amazing year.

 And I’m embarrassed to say it because I’m not dumb. (At least I hope I’m not.) I look around and can see suffering. Upheaval. Sickness. Poverty. I’m not denying those things exist or minimizing anyone else’s experience.

 But I wanted to share why I had an amazing year with the intent of uplifting someone else.

 Maybe you.

 I’m ending the year feeling happier, healthier, richer, more creatively fulfilled, and closer to my family than I have in a very, very long time. I credit this to a few small but key things—and overall, to one book.

 Last year about this time I listened to Atomic Habits by James Clear. I’ve lost track of how many copies I’ve bought of this book. Maybe four? At least two hardback copies, because I gave one away. Simply stated, the audio changed my life.

 Just—if you’re sick of listening to yourself complain about your bank account or weight or whatever, and you’re serious about changing things, go read/listen to this book.

 AND THEN ACTUALLY DO WHAT HE SAYS. The little, dumb, tiny changes. Because they add up.

 Last year I got sick of complaining about the same things year after year. And since I mostly complain in my journal or in my own head, it was a very boring place to be. I got sick of wondering why the balance in my bank account didn’t change, why I wasn’t losing weight, and why I wanted to write so much and wasn’t getting anywhere, even though I tried.

 But these things (richer, slimmer, more creative) were also what I really desired, deep down inside. I wanted to feel more financially stable, healthier (defined by weight loss), and to write more. (Well, I already wrote plenty. I wanted to write stuff and put it in public where people could actually read it.) These dreams felt very special and secret, but I think they’re somewhat universal—at least for authors.

 (Please note: I know that mental health can get in the way of taking any action at all. I’ve written about my depression and anxiety before. If this blog entry makes you feel overwhelmed, please know I’ve been where you are. Focus on taking care of yourself in whatever way you can and don’t worry about all this aspirational ambitious stuff I’m writing. Because the aspirational and ambitious can simply be getting out of bed and taking a shower. I’m proud of you for hanging in there.)

 After listening to Atomic Habits, I decided to do the following macro habits all throughout 2020—and I checked these off on a little grid in the James Clear journal:

 1. Take my vitamins.

2. Save $5 every day.

3. Write 10,000 words per week.

4. Post a blog entry every Wednesday and Saturday.

5. Go to the gym 3-5 times a week.

 I thought that these were things that could get me to my goals—richer, slimmer, more creatively fulfilled. And overall—happy.

 I also had some habits I already did. These were:

 1. Meditate for 10 minutes every day. (I usually use a guided YouTube video).

2. Write three pages longhand as Morning Pages (per Julia Cameron). (Incidentally, I’ve done this for decades and credit it to the reason I don’t get writer’s block.)

3. Take a Swedish lesson on Duolingo.

 I just wanted to keep these up.

 I have lots more habits … like brushing my teeth or whatever (and I actually floss because I bought the stuff and leave it out where I can see it), but the ones above are my more unusual habits.

 Well, what happened?

 1. I took my vitamins. Boring, but I’m also quite healthy, so maybe it helps my overall wellbeing. I haven’t been sick all year. I keep them by my bed where I see them and remember to take them.

 (Yes, I wash my hands all the time and don’t touch my face. And yes, I stayed home in quarantine. Yes, I wore a mask when I went out. But I think taking vitamins helped.)

 2. I ended up saving $5 every workday not every day. I either transferred the money to a Capital 360 account because it’s hard to transfer it back or put $5 into a Stash account. I sometimes would skip Starbucks or something similar and feel virtuous about transferring the $5. Other times I just transferred it.

 At the beginning of the year, the Capital 360 account had $5. It now has $806.

At the beginning of the year the Stash account had $50. It now has almost $2500. (Buying $5 here and there in March when the stock market was down ended up making about $500 over the year, a 23% increase.)

 Um, so that’s like $3200 I just kinda now have. Incidentally, $5 per day is $1825 over the course of the year, and I’ve almost doubled that because I invested it, not just saved it—and also sometimes I’d transfer like $10 or $25 if I was feeling wild. Over the months, I saw how the account balance would get close to an even number (like $500), so I’d transfer enough to make it that amount. And it just kept going.

 (Also, I’m not intending on this to be money advice. Go talk to someone who actually knows. My thought process was to hedge my bets with doing both safe and speculative—a savings account that earned interest and then various stocks. I also wasn’t spending money I needed for food, shelter, etc. I barely felt the expense, but I very much feel the accumulation of savings.)

 There really is magic in just starting to do something small, because it really does compound and snowball into good things. 

 Maybe in the grand scheme of things $3200 isn’t that much. To me it feels like I have this cute little cushion I literally created out of loose change in a year.

 Honestly, it feels like a lot, not “cute” or “little.” If I don’t compare myself to millionaires, it’s kind of amazing.

 What would happen if you transferred $1 or $2 a day? By the end of 2021, see how much you have…

 Another money habit: I wanted to stop buying so much online and one-clicking so many ebooks—even free ones—because it was just too much. I had like 800 unread books. So I kept track of the days I didn’t buy anything or download any books. My ecommerce moratorium ended up being streaks of time I didn’t buy anything and then a day where I would buy everything off of Amazon or whatever all at once. Not sure it did much except make me feel marginally better. With ebooks, while my TBR count is less than what it was at the beginning of the year, it isn’t the zero I’d hoped it to be. But I seriously read about 300-400 books—about 1-2 a day. (I read fast and don’t sleep.) My “read” pile jumped from 800 to 1100. Not sure what to make of it except I read so much and it was really fun. So, I still have about 680 books on my TBR pile for next year. That can be another habit to work on.

 3. I’ve written more than 530,000 words this year. The habit I tied it to incidentally, was opening my laptop. If I open my laptop—and that’s a habit I record with a tick mark on a grid—it’s a lot easier to get into the document and start writing. So the way I trick myself to write is I tell myself all I have to do is open my laptop. Simple. I check off the box that I did it and I feel virtuous. To reward myself for actually getting the word count, I have a little jar with binder clips in it and every 1,000 words I put a binder clip in a small old milk bottle. Then I can see the words add up.

 I also did a spreadsheet to know what I’ve written this year. I’ve never done one before because it felt too quantitative rather than qualitative. Writing is supposed to be this outlet for me, not something to beat to death with statistics. But I’m glad I did it because writing can be so amorphous. Putting parameters on it made it feel real.

 Oh, and I’ve finished one book, set to be published in February. I have a contract for another, and it’s (today) at 77,000 words. Three more books are 50% or more done. And I did NaNoWriMo. So, yeah. It was a productive year.

 I also learned that I like juggling projects. Focusing on one can make me stagnant. If I get stuck on one, moving to another really seemed to keep my momentum going.

 But I’m now focusing on getting them done and shipped. One at a time. Because they’re all just so close I can feel it.

 4. Before this year, I’d published eleven blog entries from 2017 to 2019. This year, I’ve posted 97, not counting this one. I missed a time or two at the beginning, but um, yeah… That’s a big difference.

 The reasons I wanted to focus on posting blog entries were multifold. I’d felt “out of it” as far as publishing, having worked on one book for so long that wasn’t gelling. I’d felt frustrated and jealous of those who got their work done. I needed the instant gratification—so to speak—of putting something out there while I worked on projects that took longer. I also wanted to inure myself to the fear of putting myself out there. With each entry—still—I feel fear, but I wanted to do it anyway. So that when the time comes to publish more fiction, I can go, “yeah, I’ve hit publish (literally) 100 times, what’s the big deal?”

 My guiding point for writing a blog post has been my gut feeling—tempered by wanting to reach out and help someone else. But to keep up a streak, there is a document on my computer called “Default blog post.” This is what it says in its entirety:

 Default blog post

 I told myself I just needed to post a blog every Wednesday and Saturday.

 Here is me keeping that promise.

 If you see that, well, you’ll know how the week is going.

 Is there an endgame here? What am I going to do with these blog posts? I can see me taking some ideas and expanding on them and creating some sort of nonfiction/self-help kind of book. I’ve always wanted to do that. I do see them as steppingstones to something bigger.

It also lets me be okay with imperfection. Typos. “Think-Os.” Whatever. This is me with no editor.

 5. So, the gym. Well, until it closed, I was going. My trigger was that I just had to check in. That was how I checked the box. Like opening the laptop, actually getting to the gym is the hard part. Once I was there, it was easy.

 But the gym closed and is still closed. Like all of us, I needed a Plan B. (C? D?)

 I’ve done short walks and long. Currently, I’m just working on doing pushups. I can do a lot of pushups with my knees on the ground. But I can only do a few “real” ones, so that’s what I’m keeping track of. I’m focusing on doing them slowly and properly, not faking my way through them. Faking them is easy, but I’d rather be able to do them right and have the actual arm strength. My trigger for when I do them is when I close my journal, I have to get down and do pushups. (Currently it’s seven.) To someone else that goal might be ridiculously easy. To me, it’s rather difficult and a little embarrassing to post, but whatever. I’m being honest.

 I’m ending the year a few pounds lighter than last year—and lighter than I’ve been in years—so I’m calling it a win.

 With the other habits, meditating keeps me happy as does dumping my brain in the morning pages. Oh, and I’m on day 622 in a row of Swedish on Duolingo. It feels like I’ve taken about a semester of college Swedish. Not enough to actually converse with someone but getting the hang of it. I’m motivated by a desire to go to Sweden and see some ancestral places—and actually understand some of the language, even though I know most Swedes speak better English than me.

 With COVID-19, like most of us, I’ve spent more time at home, but I’m temperamentally suited to that. I know it’s hurt extroverts hard, but as far as I’m concerned, I got to see my family more—even when I went to the office for work.

 What am I looking forward to next year? I like the habits I started for 2020. I just want to keep these systems up, because they seem to be working for me. I hope that by using these systems I end up with four to five books happily published in 2021 and I look forward to seeing how the exercise and money habits work out as well.

 This entry is about two or three times my usual blog entry, so if you made it this far, thank you. I hope it inspires you to take a small action and then keep taking that small action over and over again. They really do add up.

 I wish you the most amazing year ever in 2021. Know that it’s possible.

[clownbeep]

This is gonna be kinda brutal. But I want to put it into writing

Big vent/whats been going on

Hah... I guess this is like my life story or some shit...

Trigger warning ahead.. Depression and a bit of gore/suicide talk so if you are sensitive to that please, for your own sake and mental state you might not want to continue.

For those who dont want to hear a pretty dark vent, I understand.

And those who are just scrolling by feel free to scroll past. I just personally want to get this out.

If you have dealt with emotional neglect/abuse and need to know it isnt in your head this might be the post.

By writing this it feels like hopefully someone else will read this and realise certain things are NOT healthy.

If you are questioning if you are being emotionally neglected/abused (im speaking in a parental sense but even romantically or sexually) im not someone to give you answers, but the fact you are questioning it raises some red flags. In a healthy relationship you dont wonder those things.

Sorry for the long prelude but heres what I wanted to say

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.

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Ever since I was young, ive had bad ADHD, manic bipolar/depression, and sensory issues.

I was diagnosed around 13 I believe. My family (I didnt realise it then) always showed pity. Like I was some wild animal that couldnt be tamed and there was nothing they could do. Id do and say stupid attention seeking things just to try and get a shred of empathy.

My family didnt care.

When I was in the hospital for a suicide attempt regaurding pills and my liver had a chance of failing.. None of my family members cried over me. But a family friend. Someone not. Even. Related. Wept over me.

My family didnt care.

I cant say they never cared. They give me food water and luxuries like internet and a phone. For that I am grateful.

But in many other ways they have hurt me faar more than helped.

Once I got out of a short term stay in an inpatient mental facility I desperately needed contact with anyone who would care for me.

I have a younger sister, quite young probably around 7 at the time. She was a close friend of mine for that time. Id hang out with her so often to fill the gap in love it felt my family didnt give. One day I walked into the dining room and overheard my mother and father talking to my little sister. They told her to keep away because I wasnt "stable" because I was "dangerous" and could give her bad Ideas. And with one single action my only friend at the time and way to find happiness was taken away.

My family did not care.

When I stay in bed every day for months on end not knowing which day ill snap and end it all.... I get called lazy.

My family did not care

When I beg for medication to make me a functional human being they brush me off for years on end. Im losing my grip. I can barely remember things that have happened last week because I try so hard to forget everything its my automatic response to everything.

When I cant get to sleep because all of the memories come flooding back and im hit by wave after wave of horrific memories and the feeling if worthlessness... When I cant watch any videos or read posts about families because it brings on unwanted memories and emotions....

Is it me being dramatic then?

When you hear your family openly mocking and laughing about how stupid and dramatic and fake trans people are... How weird and unnatural and mentally insane these people are not knowing they are the very reason grsm and trans suicides are so high...

Am I a liar now? Am I insane?

When I tried to talk to them about my mental health issues. They took my only way of contact and made me feel like it was my own fault.

My family didnt care.

When I was nearly passed out shaking in a bathtub covered in wounds and blood all over... They showed pity, then lectured me for an hour for not telling them or for being impulsive and basically cleaned my wounds and sent me into my room.

My family didnt care.

Yes. I do agree, they cleaned my wounds, the physical side of showing care. However emotionally they were not there.

When my father drinks so heavilly every day he is home from work that he forgets half the things he tells you and can barely function.. They lecture my older sister for having a glass of wine (legal age)

They did not care.

My sister (23) tried for so many years to cling to what little attention she would get by getting good grades and going to college... She realised that it changed nothing about how my family felt toward her.... She snapped.

My family did not care.

She starves herself for a disease she does not have, she uses religion as an exuse to be one of the biggest christian extremists I personally know. Half the days she doesnt eat... Other days she burns book and gets rid of items for being demonic.

My lovely sister used to be kind and quite normal. However she couldnt find comfort in what little live her family gave. Starved for care she turned to religion to un unhealthy degree. Finding any way to keep her mind busy. Now I worry she will end up in the hospital for weighing so little.

My family did not care.

My oldest sister (27) Is married to a continuously cheating husband who she keeps letting back into her life. She was raised with a failing marrige and doesnt seem to see when she should call it quits.

Not to mention her husband has touched someone legally under the age of concent. Did she report him to the authorities? No.

All of these horrific things stemming from bad parenting. Unhealthy relationships and neglect.

Neglect emotionally can cause just as bad things as physical neglect. They are both horrifically dangerous in different ways.

These are the only big things I can remember... Basically age 15 and below are a complete blur to me and I cant remember much of it without thinking for a looong time. Even then I cant remember a lot of it... I feel like ive lost my whole damn childhood. And it hurts more than if they had just hit me or physically harmed me.

Im not underplaying physically harm. But in my personaly opinion I would rather my family have beaten me badly because at least then id have an easier way to prove to people how severe the abuse was. You can see bruises and confirm broken bones... But years of feeling completely useless and being shut off from most of the world other than the internet... It fucks you up in a way I dont think can be healed.

I dont know if I can ever love myself or... Remember things. Its terrifying to think Ill post this and a few weeks later probably not even rememner unless its brought up. Or meeting people and having conversations... And they are just... Gone.

Gone.

I suppose the biggest reason im writing this is well... In the future I dont want to forget in some ways.. I want like to be 100× as awesome knowing itll start as soon as im out of here..

If I dont have anything to compare it too then what is the point?

Ive layed out basically most of what I remember

A large amount of time I look around and nothing registers... Everything is familiar but I cant remember anything for a moment or two.. I feel like my memory is slipping so fast and im terrified.. I cant do anything to stop it and I cant make my mood be stable without the medication my family cant be bothered to get ...

I suppose this is a bit of a vent. I know its kind of everywhere and unorganized..

If im honest.. Tumblr is the only place where people have given me a home I wish I had..

I came out as trans here... Everyone was so damn supportive.. I didnt say anything but I cried hard and the kindness.. It was amazing.. It was such a jarring difference to how I feel when I say anything in real life.

Ive met friends here and ive had some much fun here. If youve stuck around this far thank you so much.. If you didnt I dont blame you.

I just wanted to share what has been flashing in my head these past few days.. It hurts a lot and ive even considered suicide recently..

Im trying hard. As hard as I can.. I have no escape though.

I cannot leave home. I cannot escape. Im not being dramatic.

I

CANT

LEAVE

And its terrifying because I know without medication or at least being somewhere AWAY from family.... I feel like im going to break soon.

I dont want to do anything stupid.. But some days I cant think straight and do things that harm myself and its not good. Its not okay. Im aware that I need help but I have no idea where to go/turn.. I have no ID or drivers liscence.. I have no transportation to and from a job to get money so I can leave... I live in the middle of nowhere.... I just..

I dont want to lose touch. I dont want to do anything bad.. I want to be functional.. I want to do more than eat and sleep my life away because I have nothing else to do..

Im so damn sick and tired of this all.. And at times I really do feel like there is only one way out.

Its always there and I just feel like one of these days im gonna be pushed over the edge and not be thinking clearly enough to stop it.

Im thinking semi clearly right now which is my im posting this.. Because im afraid and alone.

I have nowhere to go irl I have no friends Irl i just have tumblr and media and thats it. I dont expect anyone to be able to help I just wanted to write this so anyone knows what happens if I leave media..

If I tell my family my issues they will blow me off again for the 11th time or so (not exaggerated)

And if I do something to get sent to the hospital and get the help I need the cycle will continue with them being pissed and me getting sent home in a month or less anly for my family relationships to get worse..

Im spiraling fuether and further and I cant keep up the facade of being fine. I need help. And i have no way to get it. Ive just been suffering for years...

Sitting around and doing nothing but using your phone or drawing or whatever sound fun in theory... But if thats all youve been able to do for years with little to no real life social contact its gonna mess with your head... I dont want to be a shut in... I just

I dont know what to do.

Im sorry for rambling. I will most likely delete this later feeling embarrassed I posted this...

Im just tired..

[venus-says]

Aikatsu Friends! Episodes 52-57

The best of both worlds. Or is it?

⚠ ⚠ Warning! Very long post ahead, be prepared. ⚠ ⚠

I have a lot of things to say about this batch of episodes so I’ll skip an intro and go right away to it. Also because of the sheer amount of stuff I wanted to say I wrote this as a review instead of my reactions like I usually do with Aikatsu posts here on the blog. Anyway, let’s go.

Episode 52 starts promising, the stone appearing on Mio's bed is strange but that doesn't bothers me. The scene with everyone struggling at the 0 gravity room is fun and until this point the episode had me with a smile on my face. Even Aine's joke about the stone being cursed was good. But then it comes my first problem. Hibiki's back story doesn't add up with what we learned before from Mirai and Karen. From last season what's implied is that LMT went against Hibiki and Alicia in the zone and that was what made them "stop" aikatsu, this was the reason why LMT was so concerned about Mio being in the zone and the reason why Karen was afraid of doing it again. But from Hibiki's story the split up occurred before their turn on the DFC, and yes that could be a possibility - Alicia got the news, they went shaken to the stage, they lost, Alicia went back to her country and it would seem to everyone that the loss was the reason for the break up. But if that was the case we would be ignoring the fact that even though Hibiki and Mirai are rivals they're seem to be in very good terms with each other so she could tell her "No, it's not because of you guys, this happened so we're on hiatus" or something. And you can say "yeah but Alicia didn't want to go back and this and that", but Hibiki says she went to Alicia and the response she got was that she's not worthy of being her partner which means that in this scenario, for the people involved the problem would be on Hibiki, not Alicia, so once again Mirai would be able to openly go to her and talk things out. This seems like a small thing and it could be just a retcon, but if this is what they're considering the truth than this invalidates the entirety of the drama around the Aikatsu Zone from last season. And then we come to my other problem with this episode. First Mio gets selfish again, if you're a team you should strive to shine brighter with your partner. If you shine more than Aine things get uneven and Pure Palette goes anywhere, so this speech being part of the thing that triggers the jewel DOESN'T WORK. Second all of sudden they come up with "omg mio has a live today" and this is very unnatural, but this is a flaw of the format because for some reason they think they need to have a CG live every episode -which they don't need-  and this creates situations like this, this live is completely non related to everything else we've saw in this episode alone. Which brings me to my next point, Mio getting her JLR in THE SECOND EPISODE OF THE SEASON. I'm sorry but to me is hard to believe this rock would acknowledge? Mio's radiance just from being with her for a single day, and a day where she didn't do ANYTHING. "We wanna showcase her new song" okay, you can do that, just don't make her JLR appear in the first time. This takes off the value of these coords and make them feel not special. And honestly this isn't something that difficult to write. You can leave everything as it is till the moment Mio is alone in the chamber, when she have that moment in space make her just feel something weird on the rock. On the live make she feel that same thing again. She can try to figure out what that rock is trying to say to her in the next episode, then in episode she does the live again and the change happens. This would have been SO MUCH BETTER. Yes is a quick resolve, but at least it would make us feel something. I don't feel nothing but rage after seeing how they made it happen in this episode, it doesn't feel worth of anything, just feels like protagonist plot armor. But hey, at least Sekai was Mawaru is a bop, I guess that's something good.

Episode 53 does a complete 180º turn and is basically perfect. Hibiki's prank show was amazing. It works perfectly as both comedy and drama. We can laugh hard at the extremely weird situations Hibiki comes up with and still feel how strong the bonds between each unit are. It's a great starting point for Hibiki's character to grow and is the first glimpse of hope we have for her relation with Alicia, and this pays off a little later on the episode with Alicia starting to reply back Hibiki's texts as she shows signs of wanting more of her than just being an unit on stage, and eventually picking up her call in the end. That's really good pay off. Even Pure Palette's live going on here makes sense, is to show Alicia what  they can become once they come back again. The impact would be more impressive if PP performed Soko no Shikainai Mono in their diamond dresses, but oh well, this isn't enough to turn the episode bad.

One thing that is sad though is that PP new aura is so bland :/ not that I liked their old aura, but at least it was unique, this is just generic. But most importantly this episode gave us great reactions from Kaguya...

... and Mio being a freaking furry again.

Just perfect. XD

Episode 54 starts promising, is kinda of a call back (in a very smaller scale) to that episode where Aoi became Mizuki's manager for a day. Also getting to finally know Wakaba seems very exciting. But right before the opening we already have a red flag. Another magic rock is here. And judging by how Mio's episode went my excitement went all the way down to the underground. The episode pick itself up though. We have and amazing first half with Aine trying to be mature to impress Wakaba and being very weird at it. And I like how this plays out with the jewel disappearing since Aine's not acting as her true self and trying to be something that she's not. There's a good message on this.

Also Hibiki is having a Vegas residency outside Vegas and is just great to see. I also like Hibiki's speech about labels being bs and that you should thrive to be your natural self on situations, I think is very important to have a kids show putting these things out living on a world that seems to care more for appearances and how you fake yourself out to cause a good impression to others more and more each day. But then we hit a wall again. The rock being back makes sense, the rock turning into a jewel does not. There's no pay off here, and once again they make the jeweling dresses seem not special at all. And this, at least to me, makes an episode that was great become bad/medium. We're only 4 episodes in and all of the jeweling dresses introduced in the first part of the game are already here. And none of them feel special, not even Hibiki's. I can't say about Hibiki since she got her jewel before the season started, but Aine and Mio didn't work at all to receive these coords that are supposed to be worn just by idols who prove themselves worth of it. Disappointing. And is sad because Aine's JLR is my favorite of the 3 and I wish it had something more special going for it. Oh well.

Also wtf was that shady moment of Hibiki at the end asking who would get the next jewel? Did they forgot that she's not Elza, they just share the same VA? Like that was so random, we don't need this, stop.

Side note: Wakaba is adorable!!!

Episode 55 got me really excited. By the preview it was what I've always wanted for Friends and with my favorite characters, how couldn't I love this??? And well I loved it. Though I have a few points I dislike that would like to discuss. To start off, I don't like how they were so keen on showing that the shuffle wasn't a good thing. The impression it gives is that the show is saying you can have friends but only one person can be your best friend, and I think that's such bullshit. I was watching that I was like "uhhhhhh no". I understand Tamaki not being that happy because in a business stand point yes it is an anuisance but still if the girls get along, let them be. The second point I didn't like is how rushed everything was, yeah I get that this is a one episode only thing and they can't drag things for a long time, but it felt so uneven and so rushed the way they portrait the units. Which brings me to the next point of I don't really think that rock was necessary. I do believe they could come to all of those decisions on their own and the time spent with them going to the shrine could be used to show us more moments of the girls together to make the experience more meaningful to us.

And to my last bad point, the stages on this episode were just disappointing. First Mio's live at the beginning was completely unnecessary, if they needed something to use as starting point they could've shown HC watching the live on a tv or something and having that discussion somewhere else. Second I would like to see the shuffle units performing together, if not for a full live show us just the chorus. Heck I would be happy if it was just a png moving around of the girls performing each other's songs. But we got nothing of that, instead we got a recycled live of HC, which to me doesn't make any sense since RM was also a part of the shuffle and they could hold this event together and have both perform, and to make things interesting finally giving them their miracle auras, I bet everyone would like this more than just the DFC stage being recycled. Such a missed opportunity. But despite all of that, I still love this episode. Seeing my favorite idols interact in such a good and fun way was amazing, and even though I had those bad thoughts crossing my mind, I truly enjoyed watching this episode. I was so happy I didn't even took notes while watching, all I did was press the auto screenshot key all the time because I would start fanboying everything happening on screen. ALSO THANK YOU AIKATSU FRIENDS! FOR GETTING MY TWO KIDS TOGETHER. AT LEAST THIS YALL GOT IT RIGHT.

I don't have a lot to say about Episode 56. I'm glad they touched the subject I was complaining about on episode 52, but that still doesn't make things right. Hibiki could and should have talked about the matter with Mirai before. I like Karen confrontation with Hibiki, it was necessary. What I don't like is how after giving all that speech to Hibiki LMT just let's things to PP to resolve, and they do it in a very dumb way. I honestly don't know how that audition was supposed to help Hibiki. Oh well we could see space Mirai and space Karen who had outfits 10000x better than PP so. All flashbacks in this episode were kinda good, but honestly what a horrible name "I Believe" is for an unit??? Ang I guess that's all I have to comment on this episode. They made that mistake on Hibiki's card showing Garnet instead of Ruby but honestly I don't really mind it. Alicia was way too mean in the end imo, but I also don't really care. This episode got me really bored after that scene in the boat, I just can't be bothered too write more on this, sorry. XD

If I already had few things to say about 56, I have even less to say about 57. Specially considering that not a lot has happened here.

This episode seemed to be about Aine messing up her preparations before the trip and I think I'd have enjoyed if they went that route, it'd be funny to see Aine running around trying to get her passport. But instead they just threw all responsibility to Tamaki, which to be fair would be the right thing to do since she's an adult and their manager, but by doing that they take away everything that could make this episode interesting, specially because nothing else happened.

We had a press conference -that was unnecessary-, then the next few scenes are of Aine and the girls just sitting down, when was the time for conflict to finally start they just ignore it, then Aine magically has her passport and is in her home packing, then she has a live and they're on the plane. Nothing interesting happened.

We had a few cute scenes with Hibiki, I specially like her moment with Reflect Moon, but that's all this episode has going for it.

I also have a question. If Alicia really vetting the girls on her country, like she said last episode, couldn't she just deny their visa? This could make for a way more interesting conflict. Imagine PP and Hibiki having to think of ways to get inside the principality and the final decision they make is to go in as spies in the best Charlie's Angels fashion? Yes, is not realistic, but if they can have magical rocks who follow idols around they can make this.

And that’s it. Kagayaki no Jewel started very promising at first but there’s just SO MANY BAD DECISIONS. Is just sad. I’m very against the idea of it being a season of just 26 episodes instead of the full year but honestly if they keep doing this may it is for the best to be a shorter season.

Anyway, thanks for sticking by. See yall later.

[crownandantler]

My first Fallout OC, Seven! Read her Bio below, and explore her companion comments in the link!

Name/Alias: Seven (codename Price in the Railroad)

Age: 26

Karma: Good

Strength 4

Perception 7

Endurance 3

Charisma 5

Intelligence 5

Agility 7

Luck 9

Tag Skills: Sneak, Lockpicking, Repair, (Guns)

Traits: Claustrophobia, Hoarder

Perks: Gun Slinger, Penetrator, Friend of the Night, Fight the Power

Aggression: Aggressive

Assistance: Helps friends and allies

Confidence: Brave

Weapons: .44 Revolver, Shocking-Serrated Sword, Modified Syringer Sniper Rifle (“Medicine”), Weathered Marksman Carbine (“Payback”)

Occupation: Scavenger, Trader, Railroad agent

Fallout 4 Companion Dialogue/Quests: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1v5nQYrejJF149LMJIFTjM3kuj5JBDfcdI88xEn7I2rA/edit?usp=sharing

Combat:

Seven has a sniper build but her aggression is determined by how much spite and hatred she feels for her opponent. She favors long-distance combat, and in most circumstances uses her sniper rifle to off enemies before they see her. Her revolver is for mid-range, but she tends to reserve it for ghouls and wildlife encounters. When faced with legionnaries, she prefers to use her Marksman Carbine for rapid-fire, but always closes the distance (she likes the idea of shooting them with one of their own guns, but likes looking them in the eye while she kills them even more). When she engages in close distnce, she uses her sword to hack and slash at enemies. She enjoys the carnage of it, despite not having the strength to deal one-hit kills with melee. Her endurance is abysmal, so she never comes out of close-combat unscathed, but her luck is so high she always manages to narrowly escape death.

Bio:

The simple story Seven gives to anyone who bothers to ask is that she’s a simple scavenger-trader all the way from Vault 11, just trying to make a living like anyone else. Anyone who knows about Vault 11 and questions and validity, however, or who earns her trust, will eventually learn the truth.

Seven was born Dinah Cooper in the East Central Commonwealth. Her family was part of a quaint farming community that was unfortunately attacked and seized by raiders before she was old enough to understand. She grew up under their tyranny, watching raiders enjoy the spoils of her community’s hard work, all while wearing an explosive slave collar implemented by the cruel leaders.

When she was fourteen, all of Seven’s anger exploded when a raider beat her neighbor. In response, the raider turned on Seven, slashing her throat with a knife. The resulting blood loss left Seven clinically dead for almost an entire minute. The placement of her collar, however, prevented her artery from being entirely severed, meaning the settlement’s doctor was able to save her. Ironically, it was her temporary death that also deactivated her collar. With the unusual (Lucky) circumstances, the doctor was able to fake Seven’s death, remove her collar, move her body outside of the settlement, and hide her. During the nights, he would sneak away to tend to her.

As soon as she was able, Seven ran without warning. After that, Seven slowly but steadily travelled farther from home.

But she had no experience providing for herself. Shortly after her first near-death encounter, she again came close to death from starvation and dehydration. A passing caravan found her before she could die and took pity on her, leading to Seven then bouncing from caravan to caravan under the rouse of being an abused runaway. Being unable to contribute, however, she always outstayed her welcome eventually.

At the age of fifteen, a hunting-trip-gone-wrong put her in the path of an angry yao guai. The beast gutted her, and Seven again embraced death before the doctor of a nearby settlement found and revived her. He was less generous than others had been to her thus far, and Seven spent a year working for the man to pay off her medical debt. During this time she learned to scavenge–what people liked and didn’t, what they wanted and how much they would pay to get it. The doctor taught her the basics of repairing equipment with junk as well as basic medical recipes.

Seven left at sixteen, and that year was stung by radscorpions. She barely survived the poisoning.

At seventeen, she was shot in the back, looted, and left for dead by other scavengers. After this incident, she began concealing her face.

At eighteen, she triggered a landmine while scavenging an abandoned fort. Both of her legs and her left arm were crippled, leaving Seven to drag herself for three days to the nearest settlement.

When she was nineteen, Seven finally made her way to the Mojave. During the first night of camping, the caravan she was travelling with suddenly came under fire by legionaries. Seven caught the spray of a shotgun blast in the side of her face and passed out before the fight really broke out. She was so covered in blood and gore from her companions that the legionaries mistook her for dead. She came to just as her left hand was being hammered to a crucifix, and managed to kill the two legionaries overseeing her body. Help came just before the remaining legionaries fell upon Seven, in the form of the Courier and their companions.

After this event, she officially took the name Seven (after her luck, or the number of times she’s almost died, no one is sure). She sensed something big brewing in the Mojave, and wanted revenge on the legion, so she stuck around as a companion to the Courier. Later, she fought in the second Battle for the Hoover Dam.

Shortly after turning 20, Seven went with the courier to Zion on a caravan job, where she met Joshua Graham. While helping fight the White Legs, Seven experienced her eighth near-death when a White Leg found and pushed her from her sniper nest at the top of a cliff. She landed on her feet, miraculously surviving, but breaking nearly every bone in her feet and legs, and shattering her pelvis. The pain caused her to pass out for a while, but eventually she managed to drag herself upstream to the Sorrows camp for medical attention. She remained in the area until well-after she was healed, then returned to New Vegas to spend three more years among her friends. Then, she and Gotcha packed up and headed East until they arrived in Boston.

Personality/Temperament

-While mature and quick-thinking, she suffers from anger issues. Even as a child she was often overwhelmed by resentment for other people. She carries a lot of grudges and isn't always very good at forgiving people, even for little things. Most of her Good karma comes from shooting raiders and legionaries on-sight. That said--unless you've put a bullet in her, you likely won't have to worry about her putting one in you: She's not petty, stews in her anger instead  of acting out most of the time. Outside of raiders, it's rare for Seven to genuinely hate someone.

-Seven has sticky fingers, but luckily she also has morals. She considers most settlements off-limits to her thievery, and only makes exceptions to this rule for very important retrieval jobs. That said, she has been known to steal weapons and ammo from the BOS whenever the opportunity arises.

-Seven is also very meticulously organized. She has caches of various sizes and contents set up across the Commonwealth, and even has some strewn across the rest of the continent from her travels. She also makes regular “investments” with her caps. In total, she’s basically rich, but her caps are so divided across caches, investments, and factions that you’d never know it. Her bartering skills are exceptional with all her years of practice.

-Out of principal, Seven hates nosiness. She's very straightforward with people--you always know where you stand with her, and if she says shes not ready to tell you some thing she expects that boundary to be respected. High charisma, however, goes a long way with her. By the time she reaches the Commonwealth, Seven is well-settled into her lies, and being able to sweet talk her will slowly chip away at the truth. (she will kinda hate you for it, though.)

-Dealing with raiders in any way, shape, or form, tends to send her into panic attacks. She’s gotten very good and hiding them over the years, so for the most part only her best friend Gotcha knows about them, but when something happens to remind her of the first time she almost died at the hands of a raider it triggers one of her bad panic attacks. During these, breathing feels so difficult that she even takes her helmet off. She’s most open about her insecurities during these.

-Seven is a romantic at heart, and actually very flirtatious if she's interested in someone, but her trust issues and prior injuries make romance difficult. She recovered from her fall in Zion with very little lasting effects, but penetrative sex is permanently painful for her, rendering her basically celibate. She’s capable of falling for anyone (In an AU where she is courier 6, she’s got a crush on Yes Man), but tends to prefer men.

-She has an amazing amount of determination. Once Seven sets her mind to something, she’ll get it done, even if that means sometimes compromising her morals to accomplish it. Eventually she regrets these decisions, but making them at all also makes it easier to make them in the future. Meeting Joshua Graham helps put her over-zealous drive and anger into perspective. After leaving Zion, Seven gets a better handle on her anger, starts to check herself more often, and harbors a great deal of respect for Joshua for making her realize the downward spiral she almost fell into.

In her Courier AU, she still has the encounter with the Legion--she she's shot in the head twice, once by a Legionnaire and once by Benny. She still breaks her legs and pelvis at Zion, but she went by herself. She stays in New Vegas to rule with YesMan's help following an independent ending.

Personality-defining decisions (not always limited by canon) made as the courier include:

Sneaking into the Great Khan's camp at night and assassinating them all instead of even trying to make peace with them

Blowing up the BOS bunker without even trying to complete any of their quests first

Regularly visiting the Boomers, bringing supplies and helping with repairs.

Killing the Van Graffs and encouraging Mick and Ralph to take over

Blackmailing Crimson Caravans into supporting the Followers

Working with Swank to off Benny

Killing all the Fiends

Helping Carlitos and Joanna escape Vegas

Going with Boone to kill Caesar

Helping the King, but never really cashing in that favor he owes--she stays on good terms with the King and Freeside

Routing Helios One power to Freeside

Gives caps to Rotface Everytime she sees him, partially for him to keep her in the loop, partially just because she likes him.