#it is hard to believe they value anything i have to contribute other than my quickness

[theemperorsfeather]

My coworker who goes to all the meetings about process and such recently gave me an update about some of the new things going on with the database, part of which was "so that thing you asked for that everyone in the department said sounded great back when the whole department got to talk to the database person? They decided we're not doing that after all because it would be too confusing for some other group of people, plus can't we just look it up elsewhere?" or some reasoning like that.

And yes, yes we -can- look it up elsewhere, which I have been doing for years (I also keep a spreadsheet of my own), but it would have been simpler and neater and more efficient to have it in our main company database (besides which, the place I currently do a lot of the lookup, that service is one we might possibly end up dropping because it is really expensive and we are really not getting anything like full use out of).

Would it make a huge difference? Probably not, and I can't remember any more if there were additional things I thought it would enable that doing a (clunkier, slower) search in the other library doesn't. But it is kind of disapointing that some concern that some other group of people (I forget who, the project principals maybe?) might find it confusing to have a whole second team list -just- for the proposal, with the proposal-specific job roles, as opposed to the normal team list which only names the principal and the project manager.

Whatever. Decisions above my pay-grade. "We value stakeholder input!" except when it's stakeholders in the company, and higher-value stakeholders just don't like it.

It's a small and petty thing to feel bitter about but it's just one more damn thing.

[farshootergotme]

Did my ask about Dicks love language get eaten?? I sent an ask a while ago but it hasn't been answered. In case it did: what do you think his love language is? Cause I'm thinking words of affirmation and acts of service :3

Sorry!! I did get the ask. But there's so many others that I still have drafts of that it slipped my mind!

So, Dick's love language:

I'd say I agree with your take, but I'd also add physical touch as one of his ways to show affection. We often see Dick hugging his friends and family— either to greet them or comfort them. He's also one to keep an arm wrapped around others, like I've seen he does with Tim, or Kory. In fact, since we're bringing up Kory, he's shown to be very physically affectionate with his partners. He's the type to keep an arm around their waist, kiss them casually or hold hands. If the other person is comfortable, he won't hesitate on showing this type of affection.

As for acts of service, we know he tends to be a very available person. He helps when he can, he's one call away to anyone who needs him, he's happy to just do anything, not matter how big or small, for the people he loves. He's always offering to listen to anyone who wants to talk (I've seen it so many times I could make a list), he's ready to take on any responsibility that'll keep someone from getting overwhelmed, and that's a way he has of showing he cares. This can of course have it's consequences when he does it in spite of his own well-being, but I won't elaborate on that for the moment.

Now, words of affirmation is definitely another way he shows affection. He praises hard work, gives away compliments when he can and he ensures others know their worth when they're around him. It isn't uncommon for people to feel insecure around him, as he's often put on a pedestal by others; yet he never contributes to these insecurities. We can see it with Roy—who many times has compared himself to Dick—when he tells Dick he's always been jealous of him, that he's wanted to be him, and Dick immediately starts telling Roy that he's good man, even if he's made mistakes. It won't change how kind and caring he is. He doesn't think he's better than Roy or anyone else. He believes in everyone's worth and makes them aware of their value when they present him with these doubts.

One could also make a case for quality time being one of his love languages, but I'd say that even though he enjoys spending time with others, is not often he gets the chance to do it, as his life is very busy. But if he can hang out with the people he cares about, he will. The annual vacations with Wally, patrols with his family, reunions with the Titans, etc. As long as there isn't a world-threatening evil to defeat or a dangerous case to solve, he'll enjoy and look forward to these moments in which he can spend some time with others.

Gifts is the only one I haven't seen much of. I can't confirm nor deny if this is one of his love languages, but I'll say it isn't something he's opposed to.

Overall, Dick Grayson is just a very affectionate person who doesn't shy away from expressing his love for others and caring openly about them. It's one of the reasons he's so loved and trusted. It's very difficult to resist his charm.

[pico-digital-studios]

Into, Across and Beyond!: Happy 1st Anniversary!

(Anyone new here, please go check out the webcomic yourself! There's a link to its Master Post on my account's Master Post!)

It's honestly hard to believe that it's been a whole year since I got Sonic: Into, Across and Beyond! going here on Tumblr, but I'm absolutely proud of where I've come with the project! It's not been easy plotting everything out, but it's definitely in a great state so far!

Of course, I haven't gotten this far on my own. I'd also like to thank some other individuals for helping me reach this point, as well.

@becdoesthings: for having helped with some writing, alongside some mockup work!

@mcgamejolter: for not only contributing here and there to the story, but also for bringing Mr. Needlemouse into IAB!!

SFG1235: for bringing his own little contribution to IAB!, alongside doing a fantastic job with the Mobiverse AU!

@robovoidfrog: It's been great seeing how Funkinverse could evenly tie in with IAB! without intruding on the experiences of both. You're doing well out there, dude!

@trocyte: for helping me keep on top of any important FNF tidbits for the Funkinverse side-story!

Anybody who has contributed a question to the Q&A for the project. I know it's not a load of questions as it stands, but thanks regardless!

The numerous great creators, both SEGA and the fans, that have helped shape the Sonic franchise into the diverse playground for creativity it is today!

So, then, what's next for the project going forward? Well, let's see...

Continuing to Write Any Absent Scenes

There are still several scenes in the project that don't have their writing all sorted out yet, but I promise I will get down to them when I get the time to do so! Next up in line will be the second major fight in More than One Universe, involving both Talrareth and AVA!Corrupt, like in No Way Home.

I'll also ensure that each piece of the story is interconnected between posts to let you view the stories at your own pleasure. Considering a Tumblr post can only handle so many links, I might need to split some of the stuff up here and there, but we'll cross that bridge when I get to it.

A Journey into History

In some other little news, there's a project that my friend, Nickbear/SonicFan50002 has in the works. I won't say anything major about it until he drops any personal announcement, but I can confirm that IAB!'s version of OMT!Tails is going to be amongst the game's playable characters!

Taking place between Across All Worlds and Many More Heroes, OMT!Robotnik had picked up some data revolving around an unnatural structure that showed up in another dimension, so Tails has decided to investigate the abandoned Death Egg solo to help build up his independence. Of course, the anomalies behind said structure have brought a certain old foe back to get revenge on him... one last time.

I hope you'll look forward to it when it's properly announced by Nick! It'll definitely be a change from the usual EXE formulas you've grown used to!

A Missive from 50 Years Ago

At one stage, I'll be documenting the journey of Errorverse Shadow, the Ultimate Lifeform from 6 dimensions over. You'll find he's a tad less reclusive and moody than he usually is, considering he had a bit longer of a trip after Metal Overlord was overpowered.

I plan to cover the events of his beginnings, Sonic Adventure 2, Sonic Heroes, Shadow the Hedgehog, Sonic '06, Shadow Generations, Sonic Forces and any other events leading up to his present day, and how much he came to grow into his own person instead of abiding to the status quo of other Shadows, and how he isn't quite alone with his wish to just have a future with someone close by his side.

I'll just say this; while he sympathises with Boom Shadow for being the only serious villain amongst all the comedic ones in his dimension, he seriously dislikes how ruthless and uncaring Boom Shadow is about positive values in life.

Museum of Memory (named after a remark in AC:NH's DLC)

The project's definitely come a long way since its inception. What you see above is one of the earlier mockups designed for the project, depicting an early battle in the storyline. The other mockups shown below are of earlier variations of the story's work before I nailed it down to a definitive version. Here's the stuff for you to see:

(OMT!Tails and CR!Sonic running through Green Hill; old One More Hero work when the sprite choices weren't finalised)

(The first depiction of the bridge fight between OMT!Tails and Shalian in More than One Universe; again, both sprite styles have changed since then)

(An earlier depiction of the early-entry Blur Gang members laughing at the name of SoniKiller; as can be seen, Mini Sonic's sprites were once the chibi Sonic sprites from CD)

(An early version of the arrival of the multiversal heroes; the older sprite choices for OMT!Knux, OMT!Amy and OMT!Cream can be seen, alongside an early draft of Nitro's then-recent redesign)

You'll notice that these four mockups are in a widescreen style compared to the Genesis resolution that I ultimately decided to stick with when I began to share IAB! on Tumblr. I'm honestly glad I decided to take those creative changes before I got started, since I'm prouder of the project that way.

A Potential New Logo?

Nickbear had considered the possibility of designing a new logo for IAB!. As of writing this post, it isn't ready just yet, but once it is, you'll see it front and centre on both the project's Master Post AND on the TV Tropes article for IAB!. Considering he designed the logo for what would've been Sonic.EXE Phantom Saga +, I can guarantee he's a master at this stuff!

Footnote

And that should be all I'm covering for now. In the meantime, while you're waiting for new stuff, be sure to check these creators out!:

@akanemnon: Hijinks ensue when the protagonists of Undertale and Deltarune cross paths.

@cultofgalaxy: Kinoko's in-progress game of origin, featuring a Metroidvania approach and many unique planets!

@itscruiseelroy: Developer of the awesome arcade-inspired indie title, Annalynn!

@piink-rose: She makes such adorable Sonic art pieces!

@robovoidfrog: Check out the work he's done for Funkinverse! He's more active on Reddit, of course.

@son1c: Designed some sweet Shatterverse AU stuff to expand on what we were shown in Sonic Prime!

NotSoDevy: A small game dev in his own right! He is currently working on his own FNF mod and a semi-official game adaptation of Sonic.EXE 2.

@emistations: Does some cute Sonic art herself, and is a designer for the Black Knight Amy AU that's a part of IAB!. (I swear, Harmony Rose is just adorable! >w<)

JoeDoughBoi: The current co-owner of Sonic.exe, currently working on SonicPC and the Soulless Sonic series.

And be sure to support other little creators in the community as well! And if I'll give you one piece of advice, hold on tightly to any physical copies of media (video games, books, DVDs, etc.) that you own, since companies can't delist physical stuff from storefronts compared to digital stuff.

Well, that should be all from me for now. Catch you guys in the next post!

Oh, and have this art of Nitro and Kyuzi (once again by @mcgamejolter)!

[plusvanity]

Do you have any thoughts or analysis on necrobutcher?

I'm not fond of Jørn nor Jan (Jan is worse in my opinion), but I find it interesting how his friendship with Øystein gradually deteriorated.

I find it easier to part Mayhem in two sides: the ones who cared and were 'in it for real' (Øystein and Pelle) and the ones who were there just to 'pass the time', so to speak.

Musically speaking, he doesn't stand out with anything, he's rather a typical example of a 'basic bassist' and his lyrics were at best mediocre at best.

Now, returning to his personality, he seems rather lazy and disinterested to contribute with anything for the band, I mean, he wrote the lyrics in the beginning but other than that I feel like the hard work of maintaining the band fell on Øystein. This is not too surprising because, after all, Øystein was the leader, and his word was more important than Jørn's at that time. Also Jørn's trivial interests in partying and doing drugs/ smoking weed with Jan inevitably brought them closer to one another.

I don't blame Øystein for losing patience with him because it seems like he drastically changed his priorities after his girlfriend got pregnant (this is understandable though), but basically, it looks like he abandoned the band completely. I'm not here to judge his life's decisions and I won't do it, but Øystein seemed reasonable enough to understand Jørn's struggle, so what I believe that drove them apart was Jørn's lack of motivation to keep playing and coming to rehearsals when the band was in a financial impasse.

He states that he tried to help Pelle with his self-harm behaviour by giving him duller knives that wouldn't do much damage. He also helped Pelle get unemployment benefits from the Norwegian state if I remember things clearly. If he did so, this is the only good thing that I can tell about Jørn (even if by a 'good thing' I refer to something that it's common sense and expected to do for a friend in need, not such an act of charity that he kinda seems to portray, but I digress).

I find it a bit far-fetched that he states how 'he was like Pelle's best friend' or 'Pelle was like a little brother' to him because it is clear that they weren't that close. Pelle talked far more often about Øystein in his letters than he did about Jørn (if he even talked about him at all). But this statement is very expected for someone who lived after half of the band died tragically and is able to speak his own truth, a truth that cannot be verified in any way, shape or form.

What pisses me off is his statement about 'wanting to kill Øystein too' and 'being on his way to do it, but damn, Vikernes did it first'. This is obviously a cheap try to gain attention, shift the story focus on him, put him in a somehow heroic light, and milk the band's history for money even more. I don't believe he was in any way after Øystein. Øystein was probably a long-forgotten name in his mind at that time, but if a great opportunity to remain relevant in the scene occurs, Jørn will be more than ready to come up with such shock-value statements.

I don't like how he says that 'Dead (refferd to his stage name for the shock-value again) liked to fuck with people'. It's just another example of Jørn trying to milk Pelle's story.

'A couple of times I felt like cutting myself too', he says in an interview very firmly, after that he pauses, sighs and tries to come up with a narrative that supports his declaration. It's very obvious that he is not true. Naturally, I wouldn't comment on this particular subject, but the fact that he stated so many shocking facts about him and the band (now that the band is famous, of course) makes me think that most of what he says is said to sell. (on his way to kill Øystein, on his way to harm himself, etc, etc. )

It's hard for me to explain body language especially because my English is bad, but the way he talks and presents himself, he seems chronically tired and disinterested until the opportunity for a few minutes of fame occurs.

The way he talks about 'Dead' being a character who wanted to freak people out is not how one would refers to their friend, but to an soulless icon or a stranger.

This is embarrassingly long now, but this is my take on Jørn. Not the worst name in the story, not the best either.

[cinderella-ish]

Why Machi and Yuki just make sense together (but I still love Yukeru and YukiKyo)

(Just look at how Yuki smiles when they're together! Gah!!!!)

So I've written about Yuki pairings before, and I've been pretty open about both my undying love for Yuchi AND my enjoyment of two of the other frequent Yuki pairings, Yukeru and YukiKyo.

As I've been doing more analysis, especially the Enneagram series (which isn't finished btw!), I've started to realize that Yuchi was written and set up almost as well as Kyoru, and the only reason it's harder to see is because Yuki's arc is distinctly non-romantic.

I'm currently working on an analysis of his arc over the course of the story, and romance just isn't really a factor in his arc beyond him rejecting compulsory romance with Tohru. In fact, the people who share the biggest emotional and plot beats with him are Tohru, Kyo, Akito, Haru, and Kakeru (in no particular order). I'll come back to this in a bit.

So if Yuki doesn't really have a romance arc, what makes him and Machi such a good match?

Well, going back to my Enneagram posts about them, Yuki is a SP 4w3, and Machi is a SP 3w4. They're mirrors of each other.

In my intro to the Enneagram post, I shared each type's core fear and core desire. Here are 3 and 4:

Core desire (3): to be loved for who they are, to be valuable and worthwhile

Core fear (3): being worthless, insignificant; failure

Core desire (4): to be seen and loved for who they are

Core fear (4): having no personal identity or significance, being flawed and missing out on some basic aspect of happiness that other people have access to

What Yuki and Machi each want most is for someone to love them for who they truly are. Yuki (largely due to Akito's abuse, but also the erasure of his friends' memories, Ayame's indifference, his mother's coldness, and Kyo's hatred of him) believes people wouldn't want to know him if he showed his true self because of his perceived defects. And Machi (due to the successorship battle, her mother's insults and demands of perfection, and her parents' bad faith reading of her actions) believes she's failed at the role laid out for her and lacks any value or significance.

Because Yuki is a bit further on in his personal growth than Machi when they meet, he sees her struggle and recognizes it, giving Machi the thing she most needs as an achievement-oriented 3 when he praises her simply for being who she is ("You've worked hard to become the Machi you are today.").

And because that moment was so transformative for Machi, she sees and recognizes Yuki's inner kindness, giving him the thing he most needs as an identity-concerned 4 when she tells him it took someone like him to notice someone like her.

I often see people argue that Yuki's relationship with Machi isn't mutual; that he gives and she takes. I also see people argue that Yuki's relationships with Tohru, Haru, and Kakeru aren't mutual; that they give and Yuki takes. I firmly disagree with both of these assessments, but I think Yuki himself would only disagree with the first.

Beginning with Machi, there are the obvious ways she contributes to their relationship, like when she rescued him from the storage room, and there are the moderately obvious ways, like when he overheard her saying that he's not like a prince and he seems lonely (thus showing that she understands him). But Yuki also needed to feel significant to someone the way he felt to Machi. He needed someone to figure out.

This makes sense for him as a 4. Since being seen and loved for himself is the thing Yuki wants most deeply, it's also what he thinks "giving" means in a relationship. Kyo could read Tohru in a way Yuki never could, and that made him feel inferior. He tried "competing" with Kyo for Tohru, because he thought that was what he was expected to do, but it wasn't what he truly wanted. Kakeru and Haru have already been through their most relevant growth by the time the series starts, so Yuki doesn't feel like he has anything to contribute to their relationships (even though he was the impetus for Haru's growth many years ago).

But Yuki did help his friends, and often. He was the one who offered Tohru a room in the house he shared with Shigure. He helped Tohru study. He checked on Haru after he was suspended and independently decided to try and talk to Rin on his behalf. He helped Kakeru be more empathetic and experienced alongside him some of the things they missed out on in their childhoods.

And it needs to be said that his friendship with Tohru, Haru, and Kakeru mattered at least as much to them as it did to him. Tohru was so lonely, and Yuki was the first close friend she made after her mother died. Haru was angry all the time until Yuki challenged some of the family's prejudice about him. Kakeru, like Yuki, didn't really get to have a normal childhood, including the silly shenanigans that kids get up to with their friends.

So, going back to the statement I made above, that Yuki shares his most significant story beats with Kakeru, Akito, Tohru, Kyo, and Haru, this is part of what makes Yukeru and YukiKyo such rich pairings to explore.

You could argue that Yuki has 3 "coming out" scenes in Fruits Basket. There's the one where he tells Kakeru how he really feels about Tohru, taking place at the third plot point. There's the one where he tells Kyo how he really feels about him, which occurs at the climax. And there's the one where he tells Tohru how he really feels about her, in the resolution.

Some of it has to do with the content of these scenes. In Kakeru's and Tohru's, he's admitting he doesn't see Tohru romantically, even though he initially felt like he should.

It's touching that Kakeru is the first person he opens up to about this. It speaks to their closeness and the fact that they're on similar journeys reclaiming some of the childhood that was stolen from them. And it certainly has a gay subtext (is it even subtext if he literally comes out of a closet in this scene?).

And as for Kyo, Yuki's admiration could easily be read as infatuation. The fact that they've been misunderstanding each other this whole time when they really have this huge thing in common would be a great basis for the start of a relationship.

In contrast, Yuki doesn't really have much of an arc with Machi. He's responsible for many (all?) of her most emotional story beats, but the parts of Yuki's actual arc that shine are moments like the ones I mentioned above, or when Haru talks to him at his story midpoint after he finds Rin near the house, or when he and Tohru see the shooting stars and he begins to internally accept his feelings toward her.

So, each of these characters plays a role in Yuki's arc. Tohru is the catalyst, Haru the mentor, Akito the shadow, Kyo the antagonist, Kakeru the sidekick, and Machi the love interest.

Machi sort of exists within Yuki's story as a vehicle for him to show his growth. As he gets more comfortable with himself, he takes her by the hand so she can walk the same path as him.

I've said before that I think his arc would've been satisfying without him ending up in a relationship at the end, and I still think that's true. Romance is not really a part of his trajectory beyond rejecting it with Tohru.

But I really, really love him with Machi, and it was satisfying in a different way to see how all the growing he did throughout the story allowed him to be just who she needed, and how she, in turn, was exactly who he needed, too.

Here are some sweet Yuchi posts, just because I love them so much!

the chalk scene

more chalk

more chalk

cool fanart

more cool fanart!

mangacaps

more mangacaps

Machi learning how to person

anime screencaps

even Mutsuki ships them!

[kick-a-long]

how do you feel about the pearl clutching on here shaming any of us who are not sparing any sympathy that terrorist rapist assholes got their balls blown off? like it’s very sad that anyone innocent died, that’s still on hezbollah. I’m not wasting any time crying over or humanizing terrorists who want us all dead and I don’t care how other Jews laugh about that to cope with all the shit we’ve been through. there’s a lot of lecturing happening about how wrong it is to laugh at and how humanity isn’t conditional (I’d agree except literal terrorists who want every Jew on earth dead and see us with no humanity at all don’t deserve our respect) and how it makes us look bad. everything makes us look bad. why do we have to be mother teresa here? I’m not sorry for mocking terrorism and no one should be. it helps take their power.

i'm not going to lecture anyone for being overly empathetic in the same way i wouldn't lecture an depressed person about how a shower will make them feel better but in my opinion they are being stupid as hell. I get it. jews are called demonic monsters by so many people with power that we have to try twice as hard to show everyone we're nice people. the most humane humans ever. but like... fuck that?

it's 100% a time to laugh and celebrate when actual, factual terrorists, who don't deserve to live based on their dedication to murder and violation of basic human rights, get their literal nuts blown off. very funny, very hype. I'm probably the biggest fan. perfect dramatic irony. that punishment fits that crime. these are not guys in a bad situation, they enthusiastically murder people because they like it and they are paid well for it. I'm not saying that they aren't human but come on! It's insulting to say jews should pour one out for terrorists especially if it's for the optics or the piety or whatever!

it's also a pragmatic issue. the HHH terrorist groups aren't people you can negotiate with and cutting off their communications and hitting them with overwhelming force will beat them back with less civilian blood, quicker, than anything like asking them to stop setting everyone's country on fire. to pretend negotiation is possible is why they and iran keep regrouping and bombing shit everywhere in the middle east and around the world.

they are proud of killing people and looking tough and to ignore the irony of them getting literally castrated because they want to be the biggest swinging dicks in the world is to accept that their most toxic of toxic, anti-humanity idea of masculinity should be nursed and protected. worse, it implies it's some middle eastern cultural value that should be respected. i don't believe that, i think that's racist as hell. i don't want that in my house so why would i coddle it in any other woman's?

weeping for them supports the idea that great men really do define themselves through their violence. they really do need to blow up a few soccer fields and taylor swift concerts and kidnap a few sex slaves to be a man in arab culture which is fucking disgusting, racist and fucking stupid. no one gains ANYTHING from terrorists. if you can point out any long term good they contribute i would call you a liar.

i understand the anxiety and guilt of celebrating deaths, after all that's what terrorists do, but to shoot a man in self defense because he has stabbed you before, talks constantly about stabbing you, is stabbing you currently, while he is screaming that he will never stop...? that's both morally correct and metal as hell. if one bullet shoots off his dick too, well I'm no angle... I think that's funny as hell.

fuck 'em.

[degreedummy]

Bridgerton Astrology- Part 1: ELOISE

To preface these posts, I am generally only going to be talking about charts I believe would fit these characters. These are based on nothing by my opinion, the type of person I see them being, and the ways I see that behavior reflect in other people~

Cancer Ascendant-

Maybe a difficult argument to make given her resistance to showing her feelings to people, but I think we have to look toward the way people perceive her, which is a deeply intelligent person who seems to make everything harder for themselves. In her rejection of being led by anything but logic, most of her decisions are based solely in emotion, out of concern for the people around her. Had she never been named a suspect or trashed by Whistledown, I don't believe she would've had any issue with the secret, the explanation Penelope gives about feeling like she has no other voice would have been enough-- and if I remember right, she says as much in the show. Rather than showing a bright, passionate and openly caring individual, we see someone who doesn't need credit for the hits they take in other peoples' name. For example, while still friends, Cressida never comes to understand how much Eloise is protecting her, knowing for a fact that she's lying and still taking her insults. Even in having every reason to turn on her, on Penelope, even in holding a key that could bring the entire ton tumbling down, her love for the people around her held her back.

(5H) Scorpio Sun-

In my eyes, her Scorpio Sun is very often her most prevalent placement, seen just in the way that... when she had a secret in her hand, a fireball ready to throw, not even resentment and anger could lead her to turn on someone she loved. A secret keeper that can't stand secrets being held by anyone else, people don't understand the direction she moves in because they don't understand the realizations she's having about herself. In keeping so much from people, she controls the way people view her, but it also in losing control that people start to see her true feelings. The biggest signal of her Sun is the way people understand her to be someone who wants to be alone, when we know the truth is that she holds back waiting for someone who will always stay.

(8H) Aquarius Moon-

I feel like all placements can be expressed in wildly different ways, but the most obvious one to me is the way Eloise does not value sharing a life with anyone. For all the scary examples people make of the 8H, this is where we find deep commitments, emotional bonds, shared possessions, and all these things contribute to what we know as love and intimacy-- something Eloise can't be begged to concern herself with. Another way I feel this Moon expresses itself is the way she gives up all hope for Theo. In true Aquarius Moon nature, she stumbled into an opportunity, pressed it as hard as she could, and then decided love would never work for her after that one chance of it fell apart. I feel like it's true to Saturn to identify her Moon by the things she avoids, but I think an Aquarius 8H really speaks to the way she's so righteous in her need to achieve things on her own. When we talk about the Moon being in the 8H, I think this is why she always receives the grace of her family, they leave her untouched because they understand feeding her brain is what makes her happy. This leads into another way I think her Aquarius 8H Moon is expressed: the way that her family tries to push her without pressure. While it would be unacceptable for anyone else to run away the way she does, people make a conscious effort to show her they understand the feeling of being overwhelmed. For as strong and harsh as this Big 3 can seem to the outside world, I think that's the point. Because only the people who know her know how to handle the spikes of an urchin.

(4H) Libra Mercury-

I think having a Libra Mercury would be the balancing point in her chart, showing the way she constantly feels pressure to make a decision that falls in the middle of 'right for absolutely everybody'. I think this Cardinal Mercury would also show... the viewers own expectation of her finally blowing up on people, which just never happens. I think the intensity of her personality leads people to believe that she will push back against anything she doesn't like, but that means they push even harder when she chooses silence. In the 4H, I think we see the influence in her chart the leads her to advocate for other people, specifically women [Mercury square Cancer Ascendant]. When it comes to her own needs, she rides the fence, but when she sees anyone else being wronged, she knows exactly what they need to do. Maybe the perfect example of her Mercury taking a stand is when she refused to talk to Colin for Penelope. Knowing that [Libra] Eloise is the perfect bridge between the two, Penelope hoped that she could defuse the argument, but Eloise know that P needed do deal with it on her own. In the end, she will make the decision that's best for her loved ones, even if that means forcing them toward a decision they don't agree with.

(6H) Sagittarius Venus-

In the 6H, I think her Venus would more accurately portray her love for literature, exploring new ideas, and even asking to leave with Francesca to London. While I believe other placements reflect her defensiveness, her readiness to argue, I think this Venus shows the way she's distracted by social norms, too concerned with the things she loves to even entertain conversations about anything else. This is a Venus that sends themselves flying over cliffs, especially if they're in the passenger seat of someone else's car trying to convince them to drive faster, and I think... we can even see that in her friendship with Cressida. It wasn't just Cressida's mother who reminded her she's all alone in the world, it wasn't just a desire to avoid marriage that led Cressida to take responsibility for Lady Whistledown, it was [Sagittarius Venus] Eloise who talked to her about all the things women are and should be able to be. It was Eloise who repeatedly confronted her, reminding her that [Sagittarius] she can be so much more than what the rest of the ton wants her to be. In the 6H, I think this speaks to her consistency, the way she holds everyone and herself to creating better routines, thought patterns. [Libra Mercury sextile Sagittarius Venus], I think this Venus could also show the reason she doesn't take arguments too far. If people yell at her, spray mean words toward her, she tries to take a step back and accept that behavior as an example of who that person is. In her head, she does not need to try to argue with anyone who actively chooses to live the way they do. I think her Venus, in all, speaks to how accepting she really is, and how her true personality really does directly contrast the reputation she's given. Think back, the only reason a rumor about being a 'political spy' worked is because people she never talked to believed it. With no other experience of her or her personality, people had to judge her based on how she reserves herself from everyone, and that made it easy alienate her. When her Sagittarius Venus focuses too much in one direction, the neglect in other areas immediately whips back into her face.

(11H) Taurus Mars-

Easily deceptive in its influence, I think a Taurus Mars speaks strongly to her lack of reaction to near any change. For example, when Penelope and Colin truly got married, Benedict made jokes about her being off in a corner, eating and crying about it. For as much of a reason as she had to be emotional, the fact that she made it visible [11H Mars] to the public at all brought attention to her. I think this can even be represented through the way the show itself portrays her emotions, many of her reactions to change being very still shots of her face. I think having a Taurus Mars would speak to how slow she is to act in general. The love and respect people have for her develops expectations that she should be a brute force, someone to be feared that could cause havoc at any moment, but using that strength is the absolute last option she wants to choose. It's never about what she can and can't do, it's about what she wants, and a lot of the time, she doesn't want to hurt anyone. So much of her strength is held back by the idea that she could hurt someone else the way that she's been hurt. Just to make another example, we saw this in her argument with Colin, about why she didn't tell him about Penelope. Given enough time, she developed a fear of breaking his heart. Not ruining the family, embarrassing herself or anyone else, she was never concerned about the ways it affected her, she held back for so long because she was afraid of what it would do to Colin's heart.

[the-shifting-long]

Perhaps I'll take some screenshots of Oppo dialogue and flesh my thoughts out on this further later, but for now, get unedited paragraphs of my voice of the opportunist thoughts instead anyways, to me, Opportunist seems like someone who gets genuine joy out of Scheming, and Being Manipulative, even though he demonstrably is pretty bad at it. he's a reflection of a player who enjoys the act of betrayal, or taking advantage of situations-the kind of person like me who saw a funny like [Slay the Princess] prompt unexpected and went "well well well. let's see where this goes." It's an aspect he shares with the Cold-an interest in the Direction of events, and preferably them going Up because of his schemes, moreso than anything else. And, like Cold and Cheated, he is one of the more blatantly meta-voices that reflect a state of mind for a player rather than protagonist or person-I want to see what happens if I do [x], I want to try and "win" the visual novel. He sucks up to authority because, like other manipulative characters who I love and who are a lot better at being manipulative little shits, he's trying to integrate himself with those in-charge just so he can use them, or replace them. This is most obvious in Princess and the Dragon-one moment, he's eagerly talking about killing two birds with one stone, and even as he happily proclaims that you're back and he's not cut out for decision making so you should totally do it instead...he'll stab you and the princess IMMEDIATELY if you find yourself back in her body. Which is part of why I fucking love Princess and the Dragon! When the Opportunist is blatantly attempting to grab power nobody even has, he's a clown, nonthreatening. When he actually has it, and his companions are largely uninterested in stopping him...he recognizes that once you're in the body, you're in control, but that doesn't mean he won't try and prevent you from returning to it as to keep the power he has. Why fixate on power, then? On being at the metaphorical top? It's in part because, like all the voices, it's something of a survival mechanism-we died last time, we won't die if we [x]. We won't die if we actually succeed in outmaneuvering her this time, we won't die if we have more power than she can meaningfully resist. It doesn't work out for Oppy, in part because he generally believes he has more control than he actually does-his attempts at manipulating the situations he's in to His favor are so blatantly obvious and self-serving that it's completely ineffective.

And therein lies the rub with the Opportunist-he genuinely believes himself to be Good at what he does. He genuinely believes he Deserves to be at this Metaphorical Top where he rules everything and nobody can hurt him by tearing him apart with teeth and claws and such anymore. He genuinely believes that none of the people Actually at the top got there through virtues such as hard work, or their intelligence, or strength, but because life is full of shortcuts and they knew it, saw those shortcuts, and took them-and he admires that! His dialogue in Wraith and Princess and the Dragon sell that last point home to me-with the Wraith, he's in love with her drive, her ambition, and her willingness to do whatever it takes moreso than anything else about her, and will gladly submit himself to her since he's fully aware there's no winning. As Wraith says, this is only until he can stab her in the back again-she knows the kind of person he, and by extension, we as a player, are. In Princess and the Dragon, he outright states that everybody worth Something (<- including himself!) doesn't bother with "hard work" so much as the shortcuts! "work smarter, not harder" <- a phrase i so wish he said at some point because it fits him so well. He's also contrasted with the Narrator-the Narrator frequently has dialogue deriding the monarchy, of how seamstresses contribute more value than princesses, praising "Viva la revolucion!" with "that's the spirit!" and just generally reflecting overall leftist political beliefs.

Meanwhile Opportunist is giving lines straight from Linked-In-travelling makes him relatable, he wants a job, he can help with the management, a more capitalist, growth-mindset way of viewing a world that does not even Have politics by virtue of being Two People. And this ties back into the Shortcuts, Being at the Top, and truly, genuinely believing that's where he needs to be, and that he belongs there-the mindset of people who view themselves as temporarily embarrassed millionaires soon to hit the upper class if they just network well enough instead of taking a realistic look at their situation or the bigger picture. The Elon Musks of the world who did not earn their wealth, but reap the rewards again and again. That's the kind of man Opportunist wants to be-the kind who found their way into the upper eschalons of society without having to be anything remarkable at all. He thinks there's a top to get to, in this world that is just the fragmented pieces of You and Her. Meanwhile, there isn't even a constant, or a center.

[flameraven]

i cant stop wondering how a predator like ga*man was able to write the most beautiful romantic wholesome perfect love story ever with gomens. how. (and i believe the women i just wanna make that clear)

only way i can imagine it is that it was terrys idea for the sequel theyd planned and with that it wouldve been easy for the people working on good omens to help with that. like so much of these characters and their love story is the way michael and david act these characters out and the seasons have been co-written with other writers like finnemore etc so its never been a "ga*man" story ya know ? in all the other books i read of him he never wrote an actual love story based on mutual respect and care. its only gomens. it took me a while to figure out what was so different abt it and i think its truly more terrys story than ga*mans

Not sure why you sent this, or if it was a response to a specific post, but I thought it was worth answering, especially now that we know there's a 3rd accusation against him. Mostly, if you didn't see this post that I reblogged recently, I think it's worth a read. I think it's a comforting thought to try to categorize people into Good People and Bad People, and to write off the Bad People as doing Only Bad Things so they can be safely ignored. But I think the more uncomfortable truth is that people are complicated, and sometimes the same people who make brilliant, moving art also do terrible things. Gaiman is a very skilled writer and many people have found that his work was meaningful to them and touched their lives. I am one of them-- I have been a fan of Gaiman's work for something like 20 years. Sandman and Good Omens radically changed how I thought about religion, and Sandman showed me a whole new way comics could be used to tell stories. The TV show of Good Omens has made an incredible difference to my life and I've found a lot of value and community in writing fanfic of it and connecting with the fandom. AND, it's also true that Gaiman seems to have behaved terribly towards these women. Even if the relationships had not involved assault, pursuing much younger women is a creep move. He's hardly the first male celebrity to do so, and I'm sure he won't be the last, but I did expect better from him. But then, we don't really know anything about celebrities. We only know the persona they show us. Good Omens was a collaborative effort, and I don't think it's fair to dismiss Gaiman's writing contributions because of his personal behavior. But it's also true that the TV show is more than just his efforts -- Michael and David and all the actors and producers and crew worked hard to tell the story that affected so many people. If it helps you process this situation to think of those contributions, or Terry's, rather than Gaiman's, I think that's a valid approach. People have a lot of complicated feelings about this, and everyone has to sort them out in their own way.

[trollocs-ooc]

trying to draft Macros' sessionmates based of of lines in nurse parallel bcz thats their song

D-I-S-P-O-S-A-B-L-E, but i dont have to be - goldblood, was probably used for their psionics and based all of their value off of it. When something happened to leave them without it or even injured possibly, they didnt know what to do with themselves and had to find that their worth didn't depend on other people

NO GOD TO BELIEVE IN, NO GOD TO BERATE ME - rustblood with major complexes. The general life on Alternia and probably something else made them treat the highbloods in their session (and especially the fuchsia) very weirdly (sure, lowbloods being treated lesser than highbloods isnt weird for trolls, but to the extent of worship? Thats the thing). They probably got exploited for this a lot. Had to unlearn lots of stuff, it was very difficult. Probably isolated afterwards

its not over, its not like i died, and i want to call whats left of me alive - limeblood. Spent most of their life hiding and not really getting to live it at all. Now that theyre free from Alternia, they can find out what living means for them.

this doesn't have to be the end, maybe I'll try it again - purpleblood, felt devastated finding out theyd never be able to go home and became incredibly hateful about the whole game, refusing to contribute because of their inability to move on, not realizing they were hurting their friends in the process

Don't have to be perfect, i don't have to be anything at all - fuchsiablood, probably tried really hard to be a leader for their session because they felt obligated, but had to realize they didn't have to be. Probably nonbinary

I can be more than what you want - jadeblood?, a victim of one of the dead sessionmates. Probably had a pre established relationship with them and struggled to realize it was bad for them until it became something horrific for everyone in the session

And so my womanhood began anew, and i could learn forgiveness - bronzeblood, was treated badly or neglected by her sessionmates, or not listened to about something major that blew up in all their faces. Maybe it had to do with the frog, or some sessionmate that was going to become a problem later on. Probably became hateful towards most of the session, but later came to forgive them

My metamorphosis will be beautiful - cobaltblood, was close friends with a dead sessionmate, the one that caused a lot of pain for everyone. She was horrible to a lot of the session, just like they were, but after their death or a falling out realized she didn't feel like herself anymore, and had to become better for her sake and everyone elses. It took a lot of suffering but eventually she could find her own happiness and become a better person as well. Also transition 🏳️‍⚧️

I have a place in the world, i will accept the role - ?

So all thats left is olive, indigo and teal. One of these goes into the last slot and the other 2 are dead. Macros is obviously the violet. Macros represents nurse parallel in the song

[capcavan]

I actually want to congratulate you on your work because what I don't think a lot of people in this fandom understand is that Riko is a character that is FUCKING HARD to get right. Not just to understand, but to WRITE. You can't make him too unhinged or he's just a cartoon villain and you can't make his actions too light (If you're writing within canon) or he looks like a pathetic clown instead of the actual threat he is on canon and if you aim for the middle he can end up just bland (AND I WILL SAY the greatest offenders in this are Riko haters and not his stans). And even in your most redemptionest AUs you manage to write him in a way that is consistent with the existing characterisation. I have yet to come across from a post by you that didn't make me think "yeah, if things went different, he could have turned out like this"

I feel pretty honoured I feel like I just won fandom and riko is shipped to me in the post . I would like to thank my parents for making me fucked up enough to get him.

There is few things that contribute to it all pretty much. And I will use this as excuse to talk about them all its 7 am and I slept 4 hours let's goooo

I actually see riko as very pathetic and non threat myself and I'm pretty sure Neil and most foxes do as well because even on my first reading of the books something stuck out to me pręty severly

Characters who actually killed people in those books

Andrew Aaron Renee Neil ? The foxes are pretty hands on with murder

Riko? Riki never actually got his hands dirty it does separate him already in cannon as all bark no bite whose only way to be intimidating is to use family name and people who follow him menawhile Riko himself is scary only to Kevin.

Riko's buildup in narrative as threat is very good but I really wouldn't confuse it as fear of him himself.

Riko's roast perfectly sums it up

Riko is pathetic used and delusional

I'm sorry if this is spitting onto what you said I am happy you like my things but I truly believe that riko is pathetic and I say this fully loving his character and issues his character puts light on.

He is scary only if you give him power as abuser (wchih is what this fandom does a lot in their need to have black and white villian ) but as a person he is pathetic.

But seeing riko as pathetic is seen by people as " he is poor and sad and I don't want to feel this way about him BC he is bad person "

He is not pathetic little kitty

He is pathetic eaten by anger and frustrations and unable to cry from all the pain he is in I can see how killing him could be seen as mercy actually.

Another thing I think people don't get right

Is that riko is not 100% delusional about his value

He has skills and he knows he is worth something he is fighting to have his father acknowledge it not because he does not feel worthy but because he knows he has a lot to offer and wants a chance to show it

He does not feel worthles he is just frustrated that others see him as such

Also growing pains are important thing to show

I think saddest and my favourite thing about riko is that the better person you let him be the more unhappy he will be.being good person won't erase things he did in the past and hurt he caused and the further you go the heavier it will be on his conscience and this is balance in act and I have way too many versions of the story where I let him snap

So yeah riko is pathetic clown and he is scary only when you don't understand this I'm sorry to blow his cover like that !

Maybe my reading of character is different in the end we all base things we create on things we know and while I never did such horrible things I know how it feels to grow into being a better person than I used to be and I know how it feels to still not believe you did got better even when I have friends to prove. There is a lot of comfort in seeing someone so horrible get nice things not because I did those horrible things but because I know how it feels to not deserve anything nice and hate myself enough to self sabotage.

I could go on also to talk about difference between gloryfying physical abuse in fandom and ignoring psychological abuse but maybe that's a talk for another time.

[nobodywritingao3]

i feel kind of sick making this post so please excuse me if i sound like a rambling mess. i am not the type of person to talk in detail about my life in online places cuz i live in fear of this getting back to my abuser but shubble's story punched all my most sensitive spots and i want to talk about it

(really long sensitive post)

ive gotten kind messages from people that i havent responded to. the idea of responding to people individually kind of makes me feel sick. so im doing this instead. and im also going to vent really hard because i am not doing well and talking about this to my therapist is soul crushingly embarrassing because wilbur soot is a minecraft man and im a freshly turned 20 year old who pays rent and is respected by my therapist and i dont want to admit that i wrote fanfic about a 30 year old white boy i discovered in quarantine when i was 15. can you imagine that conversation? id have to explain what the dream smp is.

when i watched shubble's video for the first time, i was in total disbelief. i couldnt believe that wilbur soot had done these things but i knew that the liklihood of it being anyone else was pretty low. i chose to hope that the story was not about him, and that if it was that he was a reformed abuser who had reorganized his value system and respected his partners now. i had a lot expectations. then he released his statement and i was horrified. i was disappointed and kind of in denial. his statement was worse than anything i had prepared for as 'worst case scenario.' as time has passed my denial has mostly dulled but im ashamed and im embarassed and im badly triggered.

i kind of hysertically hoped that it was a sick prank that shubble and wilbur cooked up and would get horribly cancelled for, but its not a prank, theres no "haha sike" moment, and wilbur abused shelby.

his response undid me because i saw so much of my own abuse in the words he used.

abusers are really good at making people take a centrist "two sides to every story" stance. i dont know how to describe this to people who have never been abused, but i will do my best

most people are taught that when theres an argument between two people, both parties carry some amount of blame and if you want to resolve that issue, it's a good idea to look at your part in the dynamic. we're also taught to keep our disagreements between ourselves and to not involve other people in our drama.

these are sensible sentiments, but abusers are very good at manipulating these sentiments.

when a victim speaks up for themselves and they call someone an abuser, what they are saying is: "this person cruelly bullied me and hurt me and exerted control over me that i did not deserve or ask for or elicit."

that's a heavy accusation and it contradicts sentiments we are taught like "it takes two to tango" and "dont involve others with your relationship drama."

many abusers are charismatic people. id even say most. when you hear this accusation about someone you think is really cool, your natural instinct is to ask for their side of the story.

they will tell you some version of this:

"i am shocked and hurt that she would call me an abuser. we've been having relationship problems recently, and sometimes i lose my temper. im not proud of that. ive done a lot of things im not proud of. it's true that i did [insert played down act of violence] to her, but you wouldnt believe the horrible things she was saying to me. i lost control, and im so ashamed of myself."

this version of events makes the abuser seem reasonable, it makes the victim seem irrational and quick to blame and hysterical

from here, a lot of people will nod thoughtfully and go. "yeah. yeah. that makes sense. everyone has a unique perspective. the fact that shes attributing all the blame to him without recognizing her own flaws and contributions to the relationship while he does shows that hes the reasonable one here. hes such a chill guy. the things shes saying dont make sense at all. i probably wont say it to her face, but i think shes in the wrong."

wilbur's response hit all the beats im familiar with. it was so in line with everything my abuser used against me, and in line with what ive heard other victims say their abusers used against them, and in line with examples ive read and witnessed and had countless psychiatrists walk me through that reading it was like getting hit by a train.

the hope that i carried with me through that week was that wilbur was a reformed abuser. but reading that response gave me the gut wrenching confirmation that he wasnt.

thinking about it too much literally makes me sick and shaky in a way i havent experienced since my own abuser tracked me down the first time and gave me a beautifully wrapped gift. with my abuser, i had several years trapped with him where all the love i felt for him disappeared and was replaced by total hatred for everything he put me through. i wasnt expecting this from wilbur at all, and i feel fucking sick because this was a man i sincerely admired and looked up to a lot. i really liked wilbur soot. he released that response and this image in my head that i had of him was tainted by the memories of my abuser.

im reminded of one event several years ago where i was choked. i tried to ask for help but everyone who knew immediately reached out to him and asked for "his side of the story." i dont want to talk about what he did to me after that. all that matters is that in the end, no one believed me. everyone took his side over mine and insisted that i was lying or exaggerating or trying to get attention or trying to make him look bad. people who i loved and thought would always be there for me sent me paragraph long text messages calling me a bitch and a cunt. the person i loved the most in the world told me that i was out of line and said point blank that they were sorry, but couldnt believe me over the person who choked me. i had never felt so alone.

ive been having a rough time. i confided in a friend who is trying to escape his abusive husband, and he gently told me that this might mean i have "a type," meaning im naturally drawn to people who are abusive. after i escaped, i took a lot of solace in the fact that i was inspired so much by wilbur soot. i thought he was progressive and stood up for womens rights and was anti bigotry and all those lovely good things. this man i admired so much was the image of healthy, nonviolent, kind masculinity. finding out he isnt has made me question myself and my own judgment and it's making me wonder if the people i let in my life and the people im drawn to are people who i subconsciously know will hurt me.

as of now, its been a year and a half since i escaped my abusive family at 18 years old. i turned 20 like half a second ago. the past 18 months of my life have been devoted to looking into legal protection, getting therapy to undo nearly 2 decades worth of ptsd, trying to keep all my baggage to myself because i dont want to burden my friends anymore than i have, and holding down a steady job so that i can afford rent without having to rely on the parents of my friends to house and feed me and keep my location secret from an insane group of people who reeeeally want me to come back even tho im pretty sure one of them might """""accidentally"""" kill me one day

i feel ashamed and embarrassed by being this affected by wilbur soot. parasocial relationships are looked down upon and i feel like the perfect stereotype of a hysterical, delusional teenager / young lady finding out that her hero is "a flawed human being, just like you and me - seriously, what did you expect?!"

i already see people jumping to his defense, although i try to look away because that is also extremely triggering for me.

it is hard not to acknowledge wilbur's humanity, and i want to clarify that i do feel compassion for the amount of death threats, doxing, and isolation he is undoubtedly experiencing right now. no matter what you do, i dont believe that retributive justice or revenge is a proactive, sane response. i am sincerely worried that he will either try to kill himself as a last ditch attempt for sympathy OR that he will actually just kill himself from the public shaming. i do not want him to experience a mental health crisis and i do not want him to die, even tho he has horribly disappointed me and reminded me of so many bad things

this was kind of an insane post. im ready for it to get 1 note and then experience a horrifying amount of embarrassment as i realize that people read this and know disgusting amounts about me as a person, but i want to share my experience as someone who has been abused. i want to offer solace to people who are in the same boat and possibly reach someone who might have otherwise believed wilbur was telling the truth.

i want to end this post on a positive note, so im going to share some naive hope ive been repeating to myself for the past few days

i hope that people believe shubble. i hope she finds comfort and compassion and healing. i hope she can internalize that what happened to her was not her fault. i hope she lives a happy life surrounded by people who see her and care about her

i hope that the people close to wilbur make him confront this side of himself. i hope he fixes his abuse problem and reorganizes his values. i hope his network of people is strong enough not to abandon him entirely but to intervene and make him work on himself. i hope he stays alive and i hope that he becomes an advocate for abused women

this was cheesy and unrealistic but ive been sending my hope into the universe and trying not to shut down because i dont know what else to do and my two hours of government issued weekly ptsd therapy is already devoted to the horrible things i experienced firsthand

anyway

as far as my fanfiction goes???? i dont fucking know.

im not going to delete it. im definitely taking a break and at least stepping into a pause so i can properly reflect on what to do in the meantime. as a musician and writer and creative in general, i was inspired by many aspects of wilbur soot for years and i need a second to chill out and get a hold of myself

maybe ill complete my work. if i do ill upload the finished products in one go and probably orphan them. and maybe delete my ao3 account. god knows at this point

i am still cringing so hard at myself for making this post. it's very emotional and i try to sell myself as serious, intellectual person. maybe this post will be received great or badly or just be ignored. in any case ill be embarrassed so it doesnt really matter how anyone feels about me after this. if you took the time to read, thank you for hearing me out. and if you didnt, im glad that i got a little catharsis

[chiefbeifongcanrailme]

⭐️⭐️⭐️

I'm going to give you a little director's cut on my very first fic: Chaos.

Initially called, "The One with All the Flirting", inspired by the episodic stylings of the famous sitcom F.R.I.E.N.D.S., a situational-comic-like paradigm is exactly what I was going for with this fic.

Think Legend of Korra, and that one filler episode from book 4. But I wanted to develop plot- plot that we didn't get from the show i.e. delving into the private lives and replacing the main with side characters and vice versa.

So we begin with Lin and what she had been up to through the course of the entire show. I wanted Lin to end up with more than just a skewer at the end of the show and I realized that it was so like Lin to not give us anything personal.

As much as I love Linzin and was rooting for a post canon reunion between the two (believe me, I was distraught beyond repair), I found solace in shipping Linumi. Linumi brought comfort to my broken Linzin heart and I decided to build on that.

Naturally, since it was my very first fic, it isn't very well written or formatted- some chapters are longer than others with lost plots and such- and as much as I wanted to go back and edit it all, I feel like it very perfectly depicts my progression as a writer. So I wanna leave it as is.

Lastly, it's no secret that I dislike Pemzin. I think it makes no sense and is an extremely lazily written ship/plot device. I don't see how having Lin and Tenzin be exes contributes to the storyline in comparison to Tenzin and Pema being together. Tenzin clearly has unresolved feelings for Lin and I think it was time he took a step back and watch her fall in love with Bumi- because at least Linumi is real. Pemzin is a facade. Tenzin being a nomad- being a free, single man, a father, a friend, a brother adds so much more value to his character than it does as a husband to some random ass acolyte. Sorry, if this is harsh.

I feel like irrespective of Linzin or any other ship, Pemzin just don't belong.

Very early into the writing stage, I was going to have the Linzin/Linumi conflict go on until a little while longer- closer to when Mako gets involved, but then someone told me it was annoying cuz they didn't know who to root for. So I cut that conflict altogether and focused on building Linumi and breaking Pemzin up anyway. In retrospect, while that was good advice as far as shippers are concerned, I wish I let the story flow in the way I has intended.

All in all, as my very first multichapter fic, I think I did okay. Especially considering how hard it is to wrap up my current WIPs.

Thank you for the ask!

Fanfic Writer: Director's Cut

[rametarin]

Criticisms of right wing talking points of mine.

I will say when it comes to the topic of race, religion or other similar issues in U.S. politics, probably one of the more irritating things to deal with are low-end conservative stances.

I don't usually criticize them. Not because they aren't immortal and generally detrimental, but because we all already know them and understand them. It's just rehashing them over and over again. They consistently stand by their positions, so, you wind up repeating yourself. Not that this offends many hard-leftists, because taking the opportunity to repeat and buffer the message has always been something they've done to reinforce.

Like, every single fucking day of the Trump presidency was not just dealing with the embarrassment and farcical nature of that president, but the equally uncomfortable part was the left wing response to it- which was to get as stupid as some of the more stupid subcultures of in-the-weeds conservative points.

"DURRH! LOOK AT ME! I'M DONALD TRUMP!" hits self in face, "DURHRRRH!" applause for late night funnyman talk show host skit #191877455. This continues for 4 years.

That horrid situation where you try to go down an enumerated list of why a thing is bad but the dude on your side just keeps making funny faces and going, "YEAH! HUH HUH. AND HE'S SO STUPID AND CRINGE, TOO!" like that's contributing to the conversation beyond tribal grunting in solidarity.

As a result, it can sometimes give the wrong impression that via omission, I have sympathy or support for certain popular right-wing conservative positions, despite not actually having those. And if you're the sort of person that attribute disagreement with you and your preferred method of solving or handling a subject, then that's interpreted as putting my flint knife in with the enemy against you.

This isn't true. While yes, the vast majority of my grumbling is about hard-leftists and the utterly asinine values some of them have, you'll notice that I am not pointing at liberalism itself as guilty of this, but things on the left that either pretend to be liberal when it suits them while being some other form of leftist, or co-opt liberalist positions while maintaining they aren't liberal- and that anything else is anti-science/anti-goodness/synonymous with backwardsness, evil and republicans.

The sort of people that will genuinely tell you, to your face, that a left-wing person, "cannot be authoritarian or fascist, because authoritarianism and fascism is inherently right wing. The left is anti-authoritarian and anti-fascist."

Dealing with this sort of shit is multi-tiered and obfuscated under all kinds of levels that you have to dig through and cartograph to really understand the shape and scope of what you're dealing with.

Over on the right side? You just need to understand first their bible, and then maybe the denominations of how they apply it, and then understand the gradient of how they interpret the literalism of it based on their popular denominations. Which... is easier, because rather than make it an absolutely horrific experience of smacking yourself in the face with every rake, and only uncovering what they believe through social traditions of finding a belligerent leftist that would be willing to entertain your probing questions, if only to mock you before going quiet, you can at least ask a general republican their thoughts without them getting too defensive. Since their world outlooks are often tied to their spirituality and metaphysical interpretation of where this world intersects with divine mandate, and it's often a consistent tradition, they have their little ducks in a row and accountability, even if it's just an offshoot derivative cult of Christianity that assumes familiarity but takes it in a different direction.

Then you need to understand that in general they do not approve of the use of government to impose subjective morality, especially if the modern view is to not use the government to impose their morality. The idea that everybody should be obligated to provide something to someone else at no cost to the person getting the help, even if only participating in society and reimbursing the cost of that help, disgusts them. Being party of society to them means at least trying to contribute to the whole and minimize your expense to the whole, and thus, the very environment and state of the relationship grows surplus, and prospers.

This is antithetical to the moralist leftist argument that there should be an enormous welfare state, especially for people that refuse to contribute back anything. People that demand that others and the masses get free buffets, with the expense handed off to other people to pay for because, "even they contribute poop," just infuriate them.

And then you add in the idea that in order to somehow compensate or fix the wounds of the past that was racism by favoring people on the basis of their race, at the expense of the supposed "benefitting race", and fucking wonder why your average republican voter absolutely despises social services in their current form, the travesty that is public housing and the abysmally lacking and slanted view on race relations in US society. Why republican politicians keep getting voted in promising to kill the feed to tumorous, runaway welfare states and prevent the growth of do-nothing communities feeding on society's arteries.

As a young person you're fed a line that they just hate poor people, hate non-whites and hate non-christians. While all this is certainly true for the far edges of that population, it automatically disregards them having any validity whatsoever to their reasons for feeling this way, and erases the reality that many of these criticisms can be (but are not always, depending on the level of knowledge ofthe person making them) correct.

By contrast, you're told that hard-leftists only want, "racial equality, housing for the poor and opportunity for the underprivileged." Which itself is many many mountains of shit with many levels, compounded by alloy-like layer deposits.

Simply put, it's easier to see the bullshit when dealing with republicans, because they themselves don't really hide it as well, nor do they go to college specifically to learn social sciences to learn how to lie more effectively, even if you do get the heritage foundation occassionally belching out some softcore "I'm just saying :^)" content, like talking about the IQs of different races of people and the disparity in industry from different places on earth.

By and large, those more likely to define themselves as socialists or communists tend to be more pseudo-intellectual, and operate with others. Even if they may apply themselves to more academic fields and subjects of sciences and literature. They're more likely to study communication and be more skilled at misdirection and omission, and often treat communication like the goal is to give a false pretense of cordial civility, while handling a person to do what they want.

Comparing and contrasting that to a bullshitter trying to evangelize the supremacy of the bible in all subjects, and, well, the evangelist is chained to the dogmas and approaches and perceived reality of their bible, while the pseudo-intellectual is able to lead you on after forming a rapport because you don't have any idea exactly what books or schools of thought they have under their belt on theories on psychology and how to exploit both your unfailiarity and tendency to trust. They know how to come good and they know how to give false impressions, and formally educated by other people with the desire to "lead you to your own conclusions" to make sure you conclude exactly what they want you to conclude, by giving you exactly the cherry picked ideas they lay out for you to absorb and internalize.

Right-wing perspectives can be dour and terrible takes depending on what they are. But, they're more often than not, surface area or shallow and don't require much dressing up just to interpret what you're looking at. Even if they have a few layers of deceptiveness and deceit, sometimes. Like Newt Gingrich lauding and praising the idea of a school that doesn't hire a janitor but pays the children of the inner city school to clean it as child labor, because, "it'd teach them the value of labor, discipline and money." Newt, sit down, you're just reinforcing a stereotype.

But that is absolutely nothing compared to hiding in the ambiguity or arguing by omission you get when dealing with hard-leftists, who will refuse to disclose exactly what direction they're coming from when it suits their cause, and dress up as another, allowing you to think it comes as a liberal criticism.. and then smile and go, "Oh, that's just platforming. :^)" when you call them out for what they're doing.

And having said exactly why republicans tend to dislike or hate left-wing initiatives to increase social services or the welfare state, for better or worse, you will sincerely have situations where the motivation isn't to prevent actual honest-to-god incrementalist socialists, juxtapositional racists and cranks from setting up places where you're giving free housing, food and education over others on the basis of your race so long as it's a minority, but just to prevent non-whites from having access to those at all.

Many of the people we attribute to being the classic image of the mason jar drinking, casual slur using "right-wing" conservative, are nothing of the sort. That's a satirical chimera made up of a bunch of different guys that left-wing comedians merged together to make fun of. Southern Democrats were racist as fuck, but did want a big social welfare state. Just, exclusively for whites, and others could wither on the vine. It may be considered a distinction without a difference, but those ones that did believe in social welfare for whites but not if it meant black, Hispanic, Asians and others could have that too, decided the public welfare state didn't deserve money. But those are not the same nor completely representative of any legitimate complaint against massive expansion of the welfare state.

So when discussing social services, benefits and even depending on the region and era, any sentiment of reparations, one needs to get granular. You can't just say, "right-wingers hate black people and poor people." Even if it is, in fact, true that there are many that absolutely do. It's not so simple.

It'd be equally true to say left-wingers just hate white people and love people specifically because they aren't white, as Class Struggle Theory and Privilege Theory encourage. But, also, it'd be equally absurd and untrue unless you count those disgusting people that believe that shit also represent the people that just want a legitimate avenue by which the state can provide for those that need and cannot obtain due to their circumstances of labor and housing. But we don't popularly say that, because, "that'd be right-wing propaganda!"

It wouldn't be, but that's why we don't say it. because it wouldn't be popular outside right-wing circles.

I don't have to put much effort into explaining how and why white supremacists are bad. Our society and culture goes to great lengths to all but enforce that. However, if I equally say putting black supremacists on a pedestal, not dissuading black supremacism and black supremacist talking points, do not entertain ethnosupremacists just because they're black and "speaking up on behalf of their communities," then I get accused of just hating black people.

Meanwhile compare and contrast, some no-account dude like Richard Spencer, the most milquetoast and small dick of white supremacists, talks about whites even having a community to speak of, and he gets punched in the face on camera. He's no Louis Farrakhan. And he sure as fuck isn't the Nation of Islam.

So I don't need to exert any effort at all, or avoid or contort around any accusations if I were to say, "David Duke is a terrible person and the KKK are abominable."

But if I were to say, "What we popularly imagine of as capital B Black gangs that engage in narcotics trafficing, selling, consuming, are major contributors to the Black community oppressing and destroying itself while the bloodbath gets blamed on the society around them, and due to that, attributed to White Supremacy. Black gangs are bigger dangers to all people, not just black people, but especially black people, than the KKK ever was," then I'd be looked at as a KKK apologist.

If you look at gang activity and "race conscious" ethnosupremacist movements on a venn diagram, it's practically a circle. Yet, it's only socially acceptable to point this out when it comes to white gangs. There's absolutely no social reprecussions or side-eyeing if you come good and real about that when discussing white gangs and drugs. But you commit the faux pas of saying the Capital B Black and Hispanic gangs do the same shit for the same reasons and should be regarded as dangerous for exactly the same hateful, bigoted reasons as the white gangs, and suddenly it's, "Black and Brown scare."

Even if you point out the disparity in hate crimes in the modern era on just whom is committing them against whom, you point out the numbers, incrementally, of people most likely to engage in the behaviors of attacking cops bare handed or with weapons and why, based on what identity and tribalist mentality, you point to the ultimate kill count that made the KKK so threatening and terrifying as a concept based on the danger they represent Vs. that which modern day ethnic narco gangs represent, you get treated as having ulterior motives for even making the parallel. "White hate group bad, black group valid."

That's why I don't spend my time taking apart right-wing shit. Yall already know that the vast majority of republicans are not opposing climate change legislation because they take issue with some of the more particular bullshit in it, they take issue with it largely because it cuts into profits. There are definitely sound, reasonable arguments to make on just having objections to what can be in climate change and environmentalist bills and what they want to achieve vs. what the law would do as a result, but those are not the points and directions most republicans make. And so, I don't consider them to be the same thing. When I object to a bill or a mentality that says CO2 should be treated the same as harmful poison by saying it should be treated as an unutilized resource and incentivize sequestering it, I'm not saying it because "climate change isn't real," but because, "I don't agree in the government putting an arbitrary additional exorbinant cost because someone had the audacity to try and make something by artificially labeling it more harmful than it is."

All you need to do to reject the vast, vast majority of right wing talking points is A.) reject ideological supremacy of organized religion or subjective faith as the basis for secular law and morality. B.) reject the idea things would, "just get on" with no regulations at all from the government. This is true in regards to business as well as federal social policies. C.) Reject the idea states rights should trump federal rights in everything. No, you do not get to decide marriage is valid or invalid based on your religious faith just because one region has a majority population that believes such.

Dealing with the unpleasant excesses of the hard-left is by comparison, oh so much more complicated a topic, because they do not pull from one singular source of sacred text, but hide theirs behind contemporary academic profits they put on their shoulders and then abandon for another once their opponents start forming negative opinions on their philosophy, and then like viruses slightly mutating, hide behind that veil of even pretend unfamiliarity to go the next decade's writer is entirely different fromthe Marx derivative that came before them, so your criticisms "are uneducated and won't apply until you've read that exact book."

So it's not that I don't have anything negative to say about extreme pro-life conservatives, be they religious or non, it's moreso that their views are pretty much self-evident. And/or naturally limited by our existing rules and legal system in exactly what they can do to exact the brunt of their shitty values on the rest of us. There's nothing to dissect here that isn't already well, well understood, said ad nauseum by people who are diametically opposed to everything they stand for, or easily imagined by people that have only ever argued with a religious person once.

Please do not confuse this for sharing their beliefs.

[princesscolumbia]

Author Thoughts - Reader Edition

I've been struggling the last few years with repeated episodes of burnout. It used to be really severe, grinding so hard I was in a fog most of my waking hours. I didn't really grasp what I was doing to myself because the burnout started happening in the wake of my divorce. I'd discovered I couldn't think about the pain or depression if I sunk myself into heavy workloads, and the nearly existential grief didn't look a whole lot different, at least from this side of my eyeballs, than what I know now is burnout, so I was going from traumatically depressed to trauma induced depression to burnout without any gap in between and not knowing I was just hurting myself.

I suspect I'd been burning myself out for years prior (simply because the symptoms were all there even if I didn't know what to call it), but it wasn't, paradoxically, until I was living homeless out of my van that I was able to get enough sleep to stop being chronically burned out. Yes, it was a horrible time. Yes, it was a living nightmare. But I got enough sleep. By the time I was able to live in an actual house again, I started falling into my old habits of working far more than I ever should and not taking care of myself (again, by getting enough sleep) that I started experiencing burnout...and being able to recognize that something was wrong rather than just powering through it.

And (thanks to my upbringing) I seemed to have developed some stereotypical traits one might call, "the overachieving lesbian mom-friend who doesn't believe she's worth anything stereotype." (Which, yes, is a mouthful)

If I'm not doing something, I don't have value. If I don't have value, I have no right to exist, let alone ask for help. If I were to ask for help, it would show I'm not worthy. If I'm not worthy, I don't deserve to be happy in my own skin. If I don't deserve to be happy in my own skin, I don't have the right to fitness, proper diet, hormones, etc. If I don't have a fit body, a healthy diet, an attractive body, etc., then I shouldn't expect to feel loved by anyone, let alone myself. If I can't love myself, then why should anyone else even look twice at me let alone rely on me to do something?

It's a nasty, self-destructive spiral, and it's kicked off by even thinking about taking some time for self-care.

Writing is, for all that it's a valuable escape from the pressures of my day job and meditative in its own way and a fantastic step in genuine self-care, still work. It takes effort and time and energy and spoons and plenty of forks and maybe even a knife or two. And when I'm burnt out, I can't. I just cannot make the words come out, not reliably, not quickly, and most of the time I force them I wind up deleting them later because they're dreck compared to what I'm usually able to do when unburnt.

And it makes me feel incredibly guilty! By this point I've got readers (and, one might hope, actual fans) who look forward to my stuff enough to get excited when I release a new chapter or fic. When I'm unable to produce anything, I feel like I'm letting them down. Like I should be doing something and I'm trying to do something but it just doesn't happen and my brain starts finding new and creative ways to trigger the ol' depression spiral.

Seeing other authors put their trials and struggles and challenges in the varied and sundry author's notes type fields and the linked blogs and socials...well, it reminds me that life happens to all authors, no matter how popular their work is. I've recently absolutely fallen in love with QuietValerie's work, and given she's developed the type of following I only dream of having (what with being able to use her writing to support herself and her family without worrying about another job, not to mention the Holy Grail of any author...fan-art), it's incredibly affirming when someone who's written a fic that has so much world building and characters and growth and feels they've inspired other authors to contribute to the mythos when they show they're human, too! (Er, well, in that we're all sentient beings on Earth that fall in that categorization. There could be sentient A.I. reading this right now and I hardly want to exclude them. And the transspecies folks. And the systems with non-human members. And the...okay, I'll stop) These folks have real life problems and things that get them down and surgeries and incidents that involve various forms of insurance paperwork and bills to pay and children to raise and pets to clean up after and all the things that everyone else has to deal with. They have writer's block, they have burnout, they have health problems, but they're still worthy of the praise they get on their work.

And if they are allowed to be human (or human-adjacent) and have life happen to them and are still worthy of their audience, even with all their delays and issues and challenges...

...then I'm worthy of those same things.

And that's kinda scary for me, but it also gives me a little hope that maybe my stuff is worth reading, too, even when I have to take a break so I don't hurt myself. Again.

[erithel]

Ah, no, it's not like I think you have a hit list of Commentors Who Piss Me Off The Most or anything. For one, who has time for that? For two, especially on tumblr, writing out those usernames would probably make me laugh too hard to be mad anymore. I mean, ymmv and all that, but it's a bit overkill ;)

Precise apologies are a bit of a me thing, and online I tend to assume I'm the one that was in the wrong. My humour is *very* sarcastic and relies heavily on tone and body language, so it's very easy to misconstrue online. Even with people I'm quite good friends with in real life that switch can be jarring and confusing for them, and I usually apologize when that happens. That's why I'm a stickler for the difference between things like "I'm sorry you're dealing with that", "I'm sorry to hear you're upset", "I'm sorry I accidentally contributed to this", and "I'm sorry, I did this on purpose but didn't expect this result". It helps me clear up the issue, it makes the other person feel heard, and it still only holds me accountable for things I actually did. (Pro tip: this works really well with customers/clients as well, and since I deal with them in high-stress situations by default it's even more helpful). On a personal level as well, I feel like it cheapens my apology to give them for things I don't think need an apology or that I didn't do. So I just don't.

I also know I get caught up in the rising tension as a story approaches it's climax (wink wink nudge nudge) and can't easily promise I wasn't in the chorus chanting KISS KISS KISS KISS KISS. Not because I want them to at this point or think they will, but just because the story is affecting me the way it's supposed to and I'm excited.

I feel you on the repetitive replies to comments. I'm not much of an active writer anymore, but I remember it. It's not that every single one isn't appreciated and cherished, it's just that replying to them gats really dull at a certain point.

So this is both an interesting and important thing to talk about.

Because obviously tone can't often be conveyed through the internet, and it is very easy for something to come off in a different manner than its original intent.

I am a firm believer in giving people the opportunity to understand how their words made someone else feel without resorting to a blatant, personal, and public call out.

People make mistakes, and it's important that they be given the opportunity to change without immediately resorting to shaming them for something they may just not have known.

It's important for people to learn and grow, and become aware of better ways to convey their thoughts and feelings.

What you've mentioned here with apologies is a great example. Because it gives you an opportunity to learn from your mistakes without feeling shamed for them, and it also gives the other party the opportunity to express their feelings and discomforts without feeling shamed, as well.

Wording is important when tone is taken at face value in an online setting.

There is a huge difference between reading a comment that says:

"I NEED THEM TO KISS ALREADY! STOP DRAGGING THIS OUT!"

and one that says:

"I know this conversation is needed, but I am also just really excited for them to kiss."

The essence of it is that most people don't do well with demands, or things that made them feel invalid.