#i forgot my point midway through tbh.

[the-shifting-long]

Perhaps I'll take some screenshots of Oppo dialogue and flesh my thoughts out on this further later, but for now, get unedited paragraphs of my voice of the opportunist thoughts instead anyways, to me, Opportunist seems like someone who gets genuine joy out of Scheming, and Being Manipulative, even though he demonstrably is pretty bad at it. he's a reflection of a player who enjoys the act of betrayal, or taking advantage of situations-the kind of person like me who saw a funny like [Slay the Princess] prompt unexpected and went "well well well. let's see where this goes." It's an aspect he shares with the Cold-an interest in the Direction of events, and preferably them going Up because of his schemes, moreso than anything else. And, like Cold and Cheated, he is one of the more blatantly meta-voices that reflect a state of mind for a player rather than protagonist or person-I want to see what happens if I do [x], I want to try and "win" the visual novel. He sucks up to authority because, like other manipulative characters who I love and who are a lot better at being manipulative little shits, he's trying to integrate himself with those in-charge just so he can use them, or replace them. This is most obvious in Princess and the Dragon-one moment, he's eagerly talking about killing two birds with one stone, and even as he happily proclaims that you're back and he's not cut out for decision making so you should totally do it instead...he'll stab you and the princess IMMEDIATELY if you find yourself back in her body. Which is part of why I fucking love Princess and the Dragon! When the Opportunist is blatantly attempting to grab power nobody even has, he's a clown, nonthreatening. When he actually has it, and his companions are largely uninterested in stopping him...he recognizes that once you're in the body, you're in control, but that doesn't mean he won't try and prevent you from returning to it as to keep the power he has. Why fixate on power, then? On being at the metaphorical top? It's in part because, like all the voices, it's something of a survival mechanism-we died last time, we won't die if we [x]. We won't die if we actually succeed in outmaneuvering her this time, we won't die if we have more power than she can meaningfully resist. It doesn't work out for Oppy, in part because he generally believes he has more control than he actually does-his attempts at manipulating the situations he's in to His favor are so blatantly obvious and self-serving that it's completely ineffective.

And therein lies the rub with the Opportunist-he genuinely believes himself to be Good at what he does. He genuinely believes he Deserves to be at this Metaphorical Top where he rules everything and nobody can hurt him by tearing him apart with teeth and claws and such anymore. He genuinely believes that none of the people Actually at the top got there through virtues such as hard work, or their intelligence, or strength, but because life is full of shortcuts and they knew it, saw those shortcuts, and took them-and he admires that! His dialogue in Wraith and Princess and the Dragon sell that last point home to me-with the Wraith, he's in love with her drive, her ambition, and her willingness to do whatever it takes moreso than anything else about her, and will gladly submit himself to her since he's fully aware there's no winning. As Wraith says, this is only until he can stab her in the back again-she knows the kind of person he, and by extension, we as a player, are. In Princess and the Dragon, he outright states that everybody worth Something (<- including himself!) doesn't bother with "hard work" so much as the shortcuts! "work smarter, not harder" <- a phrase i so wish he said at some point because it fits him so well. He's also contrasted with the Narrator-the Narrator frequently has dialogue deriding the monarchy, of how seamstresses contribute more value than princesses, praising "Viva la revolucion!" with "that's the spirit!" and just generally reflecting overall leftist political beliefs.

Meanwhile Opportunist is giving lines straight from Linked-In-travelling makes him relatable, he wants a job, he can help with the management, a more capitalist, growth-mindset way of viewing a world that does not even Have politics by virtue of being Two People. And this ties back into the Shortcuts, Being at the Top, and truly, genuinely believing that's where he needs to be, and that he belongs there-the mindset of people who view themselves as temporarily embarrassed millionaires soon to hit the upper class if they just network well enough instead of taking a realistic look at their situation or the bigger picture. The Elon Musks of the world who did not earn their wealth, but reap the rewards again and again. That's the kind of man Opportunist wants to be-the kind who found their way into the upper eschalons of society without having to be anything remarkable at all. He thinks there's a top to get to, in this world that is just the fragmented pieces of You and Her. Meanwhile, there isn't even a constant, or a center.

[m1ckeyb3rry]

THE BIBLE VERSE FORMAT I’m done imagine he makes his own “Bible” of sayings and it’s like “book of aiku, book of Oliver, aikulations, women” LMAOAOA

Actually wait reuniclus does give me nagi hype man vibes now that you mention it like fr just chilling and being Nagi’s cheerleader even if the decision is bad LMAOOO kinda like Shidou energy but like, not to that extent obv

PLEASE I mean if you HAVE the material I will never say no….but PMG WAIT the one from the mini smau you made too right??? Omg guys tullia reader reveal!!! I’m crying THE AUDIO ok who’s gonna hit reader up and say the “YIPPEE” LMAO and I forgot to mention I’m still slowly watching the dub and I just past the “don’t disrespect soccer” scene and I relived the cringe all over again LMAOAOA that scene is forever iconic though also SHIN AH WAIT HES SO CUTE

BAROU YAYOI EXES omg…wait??? Ok but anyways where was all this pokemon info when I was actively breeding stuff….wtf why did I never know some of these things

ORPHANED BABY KANGASKHAN so many potential routes…or post main plot he just ends up being the go to sitter first Tullia sends over her baby pokemon and then Hiori sends over some orphans and then baby pokemon just gravitate to him like he just wakes up one night to that munna at his door or like nibbling on his hair…LMAO real losercore it’s fr either flame or be flamed for him

LMAOO FR chigiri would so be like “wtv I don’t wanna put up with whatever shit they give me later” wait actually I don’t know the meme?? Do enlighten me LOL

“Interesting way of inhaling” has me cackling LMAOO real he would do that BACK ARCH IS ICONIC OFC IK IT hes jumping up chest bump the ball and hioris marking him and we see feathers and stuff how could I forget!! But REALLL LMAO yuki Reo Karasu sleeper build /j but yeah barous just ginormous it’s like putting otoya next to nagi and he looks short as hell then you realize Nagi’s just a skyscraper and otoyas pretty tall still

LMAOO first maid then stripper what’s next for fanon Barou

SHAHSHS “if my parents don’t get to divorce neither do you” HAAHAH the dynamic is fr so funny

Yuki back to being the opp FR but wait fwtkac bestie in the pokemon verse…guys…its all interconnected this truly was our miraverse multiverse

Me I just auto filter it out and enjoy the art LMAO

LMAOOO SELL THE PRINCESS side note but Nagi looks so cute like that HSSVSJSB the audio also has me laughing wait the yuki edit is kinda majestic esp with the eye blink fade to the flower bg???

I was gonna type LMAOO here but I look up and see like three LMAOOs stacked on top of each other so I’ll refrain ig but ok no if you’re just casually reading there’s no way you’d be able to tell (I think I’ve mentioned this before but before I put two and two together and realized you wrote peregrine too I read some of your other works including cherry tree and I fr had no idea I would’ve guessed that you were a Rin enthusiast considering how good it was) so I don’t think you need to worry LOL AHAHAHA the Isagi ones crack me up they were still fire though but considering the context and our convos I still find it funny bfb Karasu is my Roman Empire but anyways back to the point yeah I don’t think anyone would be able to guess because tbh even your works for characters that (I know now) you don’t rlly care for are more thought out than a good number of works I see floating around (no hate ofc but when I read your work I can FEEL that there’s been a lot of consideration put into it)

- Karasu anon

LMAOOO NAH BECAUSE HE WOULD BE THE ONE pls i’m going to have to take a break from the oaeu for a bit just to stop thinking in the aiku mindset before starting pursuit i cannot be writing such an insane plot and be dropping in aikulations midway through

LMAO NO LITERALLY all of nagi’s pokémon gas him up sm except for i think his snorlax (why do i always forget he has one) is lowkey his opp for some reason HAHAAH like it’s giving ash and charizard i feel

YES from the smau!! LMAOAOA PLSSS READER SEARCHING FOR THE “YIPPEE” TO HER FORTNITE UND COLA technically since she only sees kaiser and ness again in NEL and she’s on pxg (technically on their bench but yk) there’s a few options…either charles chimes in to be problematic, shidou does it for the same reason, karasu does it because he’s always matching her vibes, or rin deadpans it because he wants to impress her but he also thinks it’s stupid 😭 DON’T DISRESPECT SOCCER IS INSANE WORK the way nagi and reo were so unamused too it’s truly such an embarrassing scene idk how isagi nation recovered…look ik nagi’s going through it but that panel of his ego leaving him was GORGEOUS so we are always up!!

HAHAAH OFCCC i love making silly two second drawings!! maybe not EVERY ask but i’ll def sprinkle them in w some frequency!! here’s pursuit reader (post written by karasu tbh)

i was a smogon LURKER that’s why i know so much random stuff LMAAOAO anyways barou yayoi exes…barou who knows he’s dying and can’t bear to break her heart when he finally passes so he pushes her away but she doesn’t let him…yayoi who still waits by the door hoping he’ll come back one day and wondering if she did something to push him away but he’s actually just dead…nah because the karasus and the barous (technically reader is an l/n but ykwim) are so intertwined so paralleled it’s just soooooooo ahem anyways okay but then karasu finding reader is even more cute because it’s not just reader thinking “my cousin sent someone to look after me when he no longer could” it’s YAYOI thinking “barou sent his cousin to love my brother because he couldn’t love me” STFUUUUUUU i’m crying sobbing screaming shitting tears (love in this sense is platonic of course…ha ha…)

HELP KARASU JUST ATTRACTING BABY POKÉMON it all started w him accidentally adopting hiori and reader and everything spiraled from there okay wait lowkey instead of being a gym leader (i’m not mega attached to the idea because his goal in the story is proving himself to yayoi and after that he just hangs around to help reader and co out so his ending could be whatever) imagine karasu becomes the pokémon daycare owner 🥹 in an au where the daycare isn’t where pokémon breed it’s just meant for raising younger pokémon while the trainers are out battling or exploring dangerous ideas LOWKEY THIS COOKS IMAGINE HIM AND HIS BIRDS LOOKING AFTER THE EGGS 😭😭😭 or garchomp and lucario teaching the babies how to fight…dare i say an epilogue change is in order…

i don’t even know if there’s an actual meme it’s just whenever someone’s slaying in an unexpected way you just say “this diva” or “these divas” idk it just gives karasu/otoya

ok this is the only example i could find online that fits the vibe LMAOAOAAO i promise i didn’t just have this on hand

BACK ARCH TOP THREE KARASU PANELS AND IT’S NOT TWO OR THREE!! KDFJISJDSJ he’s just such a hater at heart he cannot stop himself…no because i always joke about isagi and otoya being short because compared to nagi karasu barou they ARE but they still are much taller than ME so i need to cool it w the clowning 😭 but agreed yeah barou is just massive bro his HANDS?? his thumb is like the size of isagi’s wrist good lord (lowkey karasu’s hands are also really big like in the panel of him waving to hiori they look magnificent)

MIRAVERSE MULTIVERSE might as well make hiori’s love interest his childhood bff who only ever wanted to take care of pokémon and not battle them and when he runs away he doesn’t tell her so she can’t find him until she realizes he’s at the safari zone waiting for her in the exact house she dreamed of as a kid (white butterfree/beautifly asf) HAHAHA

THE YUKI EDIT ACTUALLY ATE AGREED!! and omg the nagi video had me cackling okay these two videos [1] and [2] aren’t edits they’re from an artist but the sae one had me cackling because that’s exactly how we believe he should be written and the tabieita one is tabieita so ofc it goes hard HAHAHA

IT’S OKAY I’M A LMAO WARRIOR i try to add in a HAHA and a key smash every now and again but when you’re texting there’s only so many things you can add in yk 🤔 ANYWAYS idk why but i read that as you JUST figured out i wrote peregrine and i was like ??? how did you take this long to realize??? HAHAHA please the isagi ones are so lighthearted tbh maybe i just don’t like writing him because nobody is making me make him SUFFER like i’m excited to write him in pursuit because he’s interesting and weird and has odd dynamics w the characters instead of being mega ultra green flag plus (isagi treating reader the way he’d treat barou but she’s not barou and never will be and sometimes that frustrates him because barou was his rival and best friend and he’ll never get him back and reader won’t even TRY [not that she should this is just the mindset] yet at the same time he also treats her very kindly when he can because she’s barou’s most beloved and whenever he upsets her he can feel barou’s disapproval and he wonders why he’ll never be able to live up to his rival’s expectations and questions if maybe the wrong one of them got to live…) LMAOOO okay but yeah bfb karasu is just that guy JFSKDKDS i’ve seen a revival in bfb interactions i’m expecting more people to find it now that s2 is coming out AHHAAH and yeah i always try to put some effort into everything i write!!! i mean i managed to cook for kiyora and i barely knew anything abt him i truly do think my wc is super prompt dependent more than anything!! like i was in the kitchen w white butterfly and i did NOT gaf abt hiori the prompt was just vague enough that i could infuse my own style into it so the wc naturally expanded 🤩 same w the instrument/seabird/cherry tree…not that i mind more specific requests it just means i’m more likely to be able to write less since there’s less avenues for me to explore ig 🤔

anyways uhhh idk if you’ll see it before you read this or not but 1k event post dropping posthaste 😏‼️ i decided to do the pokémon theme after all since soooo many people do food/drink themed ones might as well be #different #miraverse LMAOAOAO

[yourlocaldisneyvillain]

hii <3

i indeed would like to ask for the “director’s commentary” on a particular story :))

your rambling is everything, so go wild on poor little meow meow Larissa and our favourite menace Wednesday hehe

hiiiii!!! sorry it took me a bit before my brain got less mushy and i could string coherent sentences together! i'm still very much sick though so excuse me if i ramble a bit too much lol.

okay so these two live in my brain rent free now. it started off more as a challenge? or something to be like wooo controversy, and like. how can i make this work. but even though it started that way i never intended it to be like, badly done. from the get-go i put a lot of thought into it and wanted to actually make the story as high-quality as i could in terms of character development, their relationship and all the technical aspects (you know as you are one of the betas haha, and you know how many times i tweaked things, proofread, and how many times zephyr and i went through it). like i wanted to develop it as much as one can reasonably do in 14 chapters without getting sidetracked. and that was supposed to be the gimmick, like oh some ppl are gonna think it's controversial but it is actually well done and they might still be inclined to read it if they just bothered to try! (like a naive lil disney princess i forgot this is the internet lol)

the more i got into the story, the more i adored these two and their dynamic, or rather the dynamic i created for them. i think they just work, or more like, i've made them work. ppl have accused me of being a pedophile multiple times in the last couple of weeks while i've been posting the story lol, and asked me if i ship them in the show now, which is imo just fucking ridiculous. this is a separate universe that builds on what we had, or rather should have had, in the show, a story about two grown women who are both very odd in different ways and have found love and belonging with each other. i think neither of them could do a conventional relationship in my universe, and so this makes perfect sense for them!

i love writing larissa as a poor lil meow meow. there is just something about a pathetic, lonely middle aged woman that makes my brain go brrrrrrr. and wednesday is just a delight to write. i love channeling her voice. i used to be a lot like wednesday as a teen lol, that's sorta how i talked (i had no friends lol), so channeling her is a fun blast from the past and feels very natural to write.

it was a joy to write tbh! and personally, i don't think it's like.... even that out there or particularly (hehe) controversial? it's very much a coming of age rom-com sort of thing, but make it like... Quirky and include some dark humour. the outraged reactions i got to it honestly made me wanna write actually controversial stuff lol. i tend to want to spite the haters :)) and prove my point that fiction is fiction. i am very annoyed by the whole puritan internet culture, it really fucking irks me, esp when it's enforced by the self-proclaimed weirdos and goths and whatnot, who don't know what pedophilia even is lol nor could recognise it in fiction or real life. i know i won't get my point across to people who have already made up their mind about me being the actual pedophilic devil, but i will sure have my fun! i can't wait to challenge myself again! :))

also "particular" really inspired me to write longer works!! and i learned that i am most comfortable with that sort of format. all the things i am planning in the future are multi-chapter fics and rather long! and how i prefer to do it now is to write it all in advance and then post -- that way i know i won't lose interest midway haha. i am motivated by that sweet dopamine of wanting to share my work!

so yeah, i met some lovely people bc of this story (looking at you @the-frankenman-writes, actual gem and joy and delight), i strengthened some friendships, and i think it definitely made an impact on people! i grew a lot as a writer and it pushed me to refine my skills! so all in all, i'm very happy <3

stay tuned for the last chapter!!! a christmas special! :)))

[dialovers-translations]

DIABOLIK LOVERS Do-S Kyuuketsu VERSUS Ⅲ Vol.5 Shuu VS Yuma [Track 6]

Original title: 届かぬ言葉

Source: Diabolik Lovers VERSUS III Vol. 5 Shuu VS Yuma [CD not owned by me]

Audio: Here

Seiyuu: Toriumi Kousuke & Tatsuhisa Suzuki

Translator’s note: While the conclusion of this CD is definitely better than the Subaru VS Kou one, it still left me wanting more. I can just never get enough of the Shuu & Yuma rivalry tbh. Their interactions are always so much fun, it was really what made this CD shine. Sometimes I even forgot the MC was even there, lol. We’ve come a long way since the original set of VERSUS CDs where it was 99% blood-sucking scenes.

Track 1 ll Track 2 ll Track 3 ll Track 4 ll Track 5 ll Track 6

→  LIKE MY TRANSLATIONS? SUPPORT ME ON KO-FI!

Track 6: Words Out of Reach

Shuu: Haah...

Yuma: Look at ya pretendin’ you’re the shit...But well...Guess I’ll thank ya at least. ...Thanks mate.

Shuu: Whatever...

Yuma: Is that the kind of attitude the guy who inherited that man’s powers should have? Or maybeーー

Shuu: Who knows?

Yuma: Whatcha tryin’ to change the subject for now, huh? Just be honest with yerself for once.

Shuu nearly collapses. 

*Thud*

Yuma: ...!! You...

Shuu: ...Ugh.

Yuma: Che...So ya were just actin’ tough after all. 

Shuu: Haah...Shut up. Don’t get ahead of yourself after I’m the one who had to save you.

Yuma: Heh...I don’t know where ya suddenly found this motivation, but you’re damn late. If you’re gonna do somethin’, then do it right from the very start. When you’re like that...

Yuma tugs you towards his side. 

*Rustle*

Yuma: No way in hell I’m lettin’ ya have her.

*Rustle*

Yuma: Let’s continue where we left off earlier. I didn’t get to hear yer answer ‘cause we got interrupted midway through. If ya choose me...I’ll make ya happy.

*Rustle rustle*

Yuma: ...So, tell me where ya want them? Unlike him, I will fulfill yer desires.

You get flustered. 

Shuu: Haah...Are you trying to agitate me? Doing that is pointless though.

Yuma: Hah. Then ya better stay out. Just shut yer darn mouth and watch there in frustration. ...Come on. Right here.

Yuma bites you.

*Sluuuuuurp*

Yuma: Hah...

Shuu approaches and grasps your chin. 

Shuu: ...Haah...Look at that shameless expression. Do his fangs really feel that good?

You whimper.

Shuu: Hm...? You really are a foolish woman who has fallen victim to her own desires. But you make an even better expression when I’m the one biting you.

Shuu bites her as well.

Yuma: ...!? Oi!!

Shuu: Nnh...Shut up...It’ll ruin the blood. Keep quiet. ...I’m thirsty because I used my magic earlier. Give me more...

*Gulp gulp*

Shuu: Mmh...

Yuma: Che...Look at this guy gettin’ all cocky. ーー Oi, Sow, don’t ya dare let him take all yer attention away from me. Hahn...

*Sluuuuuurp*

Yuma: Hehe...Nice reaction. I’ll give ya even more as a reward.

Shuu: ...Can’t you suck a little more quietly? The sound’s bothering me.

Yuma: Haah!? If you’re only here to talk shit ‘bout how I do things, then get the fuck out already!

Shuu: ...I don’t have to take orders from you. ー Hey, you...Lift your face.

You hesitate. 

Shuu: Hurry up. 

*Rustle*

Shuu: A place he hasn’t bitten you yet...Right here, huh?

Shuu bites you again.

*Gulp gulp gulp*

Yuma: Heh. Then I’ll go for this spot.

*Sluuuuuurp*

Shuu: Those are quite the sounds you’re making...Haha...

Yuma: It’s better than havin’ her just lie there as if she’s dead, right? Makes me want to make her cry out even more.

Shuu: ...We’ll see about that.

Yuma: Heh. Big words comin’ from the guy who roughened her up earlier. (1) ...This is the spot you sucked from earlier, no?”

*Rustle*

Shuu: Seems like it.

Yuma: Hah? That’s all ya have to say? Isn’t there somethin’ else ya should tell her?

Shuu: Something I have to say? Hm...Ah, I see. ...My bad.

Yuma: Heeh? Seems like you’re not rotten to the core at least.

Shuu: ...Are you happy now? You’re too nosy.

Yuma: Heh. Well, can’t deny you’re stayin’ true to yer character. 

Shuu: ...?

Yuma: What? Got a problem?

Shuu: No...That’s not it. There’s just something I have to tell you as well. ...I’m sorry for the fire in the village, and the fact you were turned into a Vampiーー

Yuma: ーー Woah there!

*Rustle*

Yuma: I’m headin’ back then.

Shuu: Hah?

Yuma: Did ya not hear me? I’m goin’ home. I’m honestly exhausted, ya see. I’ll let ya escort her back to the human world.

You grab hold of Yuma’s sleeve.

*Rustle*

Yuma: Hehe...What? Ya want me to stay that badly? ...I’m not givin’ ya up or anythin’. Next time I get my hands on ya, I’m not lettin’ go again. ...So try and make up yer mind whether ya want me or him.

Shuu: Oi, waiーー

Yuma leaps away.

*Woosh* 

Shuu: Haah...Who’s the one trying to act cool now, huh? ...I can’t step forward because he left first. ...But, he better not believe that I’ll keep being stuck in place. ーー I’m sorry, Yuma.

You look over at Shuu.

Shuu: We’re heading home. ーー Hey, go pluck some of those apples over there. For some reason...I’m really in the mood for one of those.

Shuu walks ahead.

*SCENE SHIFT*

Yuma: ...Fuck. He acted all strong even though he was clearly terrified of his own powers. ...Guess that secretive side of him will never change. 

...In the end, I guess there’s some things ya can only understand once you’re actually in that position...It pisses me off. But well, guess there’s no point in rackin’ my brain over it, is it? It’s obvious we both have things only we can understand. 

...I’ll create my own place where I belong. I’ve done so in the past as well after all. I’ll show ya that it takes more than lil’ motivation to take me down, so ya better wait and see (2) ーー Shuu.

ーー THE END ーー

Translation notes

(1) Literally he says ‘the guy who plunged in his fangs (so strongly), it made the wound/skin swell’. 

(2) The expression 首洗って待っとけ or ‘kubi aratte mattoke’ literally means ‘wash your neck and wait’, but it’s a common idiom used to threaten someone that you’re coming for them, so they better brace themselves.

[notwhelmedyet]

Dratchtember Day 6

Prompt: Intensity but tbh that prompt is going to fit better for tomorrow, because this actually is: Ratchet accidentally summons a demon and then falls in love, part 2/3 (also on ao3 here) (demon summoning part 1 here)

Ratchet set down the datapad he was looking at and reached for the stack on the floor. His fingertips brushed the pad on the top of the stack, but he couldn't quite reach.

"Drift, could you grab that for me? Top datapad on the pile." Ratchet asked.

"Get it yourself," Drift said. He was sulking because Ratchet had said he had to work on his reading and couldn't talk. He'd get over it soon, it wasn't like they didn't talk all the time. Drift just got bored easily.

"I can't get it, you're lying on top of me," Ratchet pointed out.

Drift sighed. "Fine." The weight on Ratchet's chest shifted and the top datapad lifted from the stack and placed itself in Ratchet's hand.

"Thanks," Ratchet said, propping the new datapad on the armrest of the couch and scrolling through to hopefully find the promised citation on Cybercrosis in ferrum-positive sparktypes. Absently, he let his hand rest on Drift's helm, petting Drift's finial. Drift squirmed and Ratchet paused his hand.

"You can keep going," Drift said roughly, and Ratchet did. It hadn't taken him long to figure out that Drift was easily overwhelmed by physical contact - he'd guessed it from their first hug outside the summoning circle. Ratchet couldn't fathom the level of touch-hunger Drift was dealing with, but he could empathize. He'd felt isolated before Drift; that hug had probably been his first one since Thunderclash went off-planet. Drift had been alone the entirety of his remembered existence, except for passing contact with other Slivers and his time bound to his previous summoners. And Ratchet didn't think any of them were the cuddling sort.

Ratchet didn't like to think about Drift's previous summoners. It made him angry. He was half-convinced the reason Drift refused to tell him how to send him back was out of fear of being summoned again. While he was bound to Ratchet there was no way for Drift to be ordered to to live up to the more bloodthirsty parts of his demonic reputation.

Drift stretched, draping his arm over Ratchet's shoulder as he wiggled further up on Ratchet's chest. "You're supposed to be reading, Ratch," he said sleepily. "I know your reading doesn't make your aura blue like that."

"Auras don't exist," Ratchet corrected automatically.

"I don't exist, according to you."

"You are scientifically verifiable. Auras are imaginary," Ratchet said.

"It you say so, Ratch," Drift said appeasingly. "You know, if you don't want to read we could go for a walk."

"No, I have to do this. Otherwise Panax is going to jump on me during our morning meeting."

"I could jump him first," Drift suggested.

"I told you, I'm handling him. No attacking my faculty mentor."

"'Handling him'. Sure. That bastard better not say anything snotty to you again or I'm going to throw his prized paperweights off the hospital roof."

"Those are his Medical Excellence awards, they're not paperweights," Ratchet said. "Now shoosh, I'm trying to read."

"Mmmhmm," Drift agreed skeptically. But Ratchet really did have to finish the reading, so he pushed his thoughts about Drift aside and got to work. Ratchet had always had busy hands, he tended to worry holes in things when he wasn't paying attention. Petting Drift was a nice outlet for that restless energy.

About midway through his second reading the door slammed. Trefacto, Ratchet's roommate, locked optics with him. Ratchet draped his arm over the back of the couch, not quite sure what it looked like he'd been doing just then. Disadvantages of having an invisible demonic cuddle-buddy. "Forget something?" He asked.

"Yeah," Trefacto said, snapping back into motion as he hustled to his room. "I forgot my lucky crystal. We have an exam today in xenobiology."

Ratchet waited until Trefacto was out of sight before rolling his optics.

Trefacto skidded back into the room, rock in hand. "You have really bad posture dude."

"Nobody asked you," Ratchet said.

Trefacto laughed, because he pointedly could not differentiate between ratchet making jokes and not making jokes. It was probably for the best. Ratchet liked Trefacto as a roommate - he never used the common areas and he was almost never home when Ratchet was, so it was almost like not having a roommate but with half the housing costs. A pretty good deal.

"Good luck on your exam," Ratchet said. Trefacto waved as he left, tossing his lucky rock in his hand. Ratchet waited a beat. "If you keep being clingy in the common areas he is going to notice."

"Ah, but I don't care if he notices. Ratchet, can I get some healing crystals?"

"I imagine you could steal some if you wanted to," Ratchet said.

"I don't want to steal them! That's bad energy, Ratchet! You can't use a stolen healing crystal for good luck."

"I cannot believe you're into all that rubbish. You're a demon. People are supposed to be swindled into believing in magic by you, not the other way around. It's almost as bad as you being a practicing spectralist - "

" - Primus is real and in his grace he grants to every Cybertronian infinite life and unending capability for change."

"Yeah but if he's real he's the one who cursed you to be like this."

"Well." Drift sobered up. "I deserved it, didn't I? He wouldn't have done it fi I didn't deserve it. Can I get some pretty rocks, Ratchet?"

Ratchet groaned. There was only one way this could end. Him, in a open-air market full of junk, fake medicine and knickknacks, trying to buy some rocks without being seen by anyone who does, has or might ever know him.

---

"Medic Ratchet, you are needed on the third floor," a voice came over the intercom. Ratchet looked around. That was...but it couldn't...he wouldn't be that stupid. "Medic Ratchet, you are needed on the third floor reception area," Drift repeated.

"I'll be right back," Ratchet told the patient who he'd been instructing on their recovery physiotherapy routine. "They only do announcements like that if there's an emergency."

Ratchet didn't bother with the elevator - he had the worst damned luck with elevators in this building. He headed straight for the stairwell and started climbing. It was late - he knew there were at least three other residents and one fully trained medic in the building, but none of them would have been on the third floor. Third floor was long-term care, cybercrosis cases and comas and paralysis-type form fatigue. There wouldn't have been anyone on the floor because Ratchet had been scheduled to do the next nightly walk-through. There wouldn't be anyone on the third floor who could spot Drift except the patients and the ward manager -

Ratchet burst through the doors of the stairwell and nearly tripped over their mobile spark-support cart, which had been dragged out of its case. The ward manager was on the ground, propped up against a silhouetted figure with his hand clasped in theirs. "The medic is going to be right here, just hold on," Drift murmured.

"I'm here," Ratchet announced. "Almene? You with me?"

"There's a silver," Almene whispered, sounding dazed. Going into shock, probably. "There's an angel, Ratchet."

"That's good," Ratchet said, kneeling down by his side.

"It's rapid-onset frame rejection," Drift said. "There isn't much time."

"Since when are you a doctor?" Ratchet asked, plugging in. He was immediately buried in a wave of static and corrupted signals. Someone else pulled the cord and Ratchet found himself blinking at two golden optics in a sea of darkness. "Okay. Yeah. Frame rejection," Ratchet agreed. "We're going to get you downstairs to the operating room - Drift, grab a stretcher. I need to call in the cavalry, I can't do a frame transplant solo."

---

"So I guess you're reading my medical texts?" Ratchet asked, leaning against the balcony railing as he watched the fliers dance across the city skyline. An uneventful night, from the long view.

"Mostly I just watch you," Drift said, leaning up against his shoulders. "But you spend a lot of time reading, I was bound to pick up on some of it eventually. I like your job, you know? This is the first time I've gotten to stick around Cybertron watching someone do work that's actively making the world less evil."

"Except for the paperwork. I'm pretty sure all the paperwork is increasing the net evil in the world."

"Sure, Ratch."

Ratchet admired the night sky and tried not to count down the seconds until his break ended. But he couldn't help wondering..."Do you think Almene is going to remember that there was an angel in the long-term care ward?"

---

"You have completely failed to understand the object of this lesson," Panax said, leaning over the table. Ratchet assumed he was trying to loom over him, but after seeing Drift do that a few times in near total darkness while trying to blackmail Ratchet into watching movies with him the pose had rather lost its impact. "I will not have you disrespect the name and reputation of this institution by such gross violations of protocol."

A few months back, Ratchet would have stammered something about "doing better" but right now he wasn't feeling it. "That protocol was invented sixty years ago and has never improved mortality rates in actual clinical trials. The way I handled the case is one of the accepted interventions in almost every other hospital in this hemisphere. If you want to send me up to the discipline board for keeping someone alive, go ahead. I'd love to talk to them."

From over Panax's shoulder, Drift mimed throwing his hand over his forehead dramatically and half collapsing in horror. Ratchet did his best to not pay attention to the satirical game of charades going on behind his faculty mentor. "Is there anything else you wanted to discuss, sir?" He asked.

"I can refuse to sign off on you completing your residency, you know," Panax hissed.

"You can," Ratchet acknowledged. "You've mentioned that several times. If that happens, the board will give me a chance to make my case and then transfer me to another hospital to complete two additional years of supervised training. I looked into this, you know. Turns out there's an actual procedure and it isn't "send your nearly trained medic to work as a mortuary assistant." Ratchet left off the part where he'd been goaded into looking it up by Drift, incensed over Ratchet's repeated refusal to either report Panax for harassment or to allow Drift to throw him off the roof along with his "decorative paperweights".

"You can go." Panax sat down in his chair and waved at Ratchet. "Get back to work." Probably felt like he needed to regroup, think of more threatening threats. Well, Ratchet was pretty sure he could handle whatever Panax thought up - he wasn't especially creative.

Ratchet nodded, keeping a straight face only by virtue of months of practice watching Drift pantomime embarrassing things while Ratchet was trying to have serious conversations. He got up and left the room, leaving the door open a trifle longer than he needed, in order to give Drift time to slip out behind him. Halfway down the hallway, a silhouette popped into visibility in front of him and offered up a high five. Ratchet slapped hands with him and kept walking. "You were right, that felt amazing."

"I told you! I told you!" Drift jeered, hopping around after Ratchet like a petro rabbit pumped up on enjex. "Let me throw his paperweights off the roof. Please. I can wait until you have an airtight alibi, it'll be great. Or - or - better yet, I could trip him while he's walking in the hallway. Not even fatally! Please?"

"I'm horrified at the suggestion you know how to fatally trip people," Ratchet joked. "No, Drift, we're going to take the high road."

"Tripping him in the hallway is the high road. He said you cheated on your exam scores and then when proven wrong carried on his weird vindictive vendetta for two years, I ought to break into his apartment and swap out all his energon with floor wax."

"I appreciate the enthusiasm Drift, but I'm almost to the finish line, it's not worth fighting over it now," Ratchet said, patting him on the the shoulder. "Just wait, my next boss will probably be even worse."

"Not for long they won't be," Drift hissed.

---

There was someone screaming in Ratchet's berthroom. Ratchet was suddenly very, very awake.

"Drift!" He reached for Drift in the darkness and ended up being thrown off the berth, colliding against the shelf on the other side of the room. Several objects tumbled off the shelf, hitting the floor with a noise that sounded like gunshots in the formerly sleep-silent apartment. The screaming stopped, at least.

A door slammed and Trefacto called out. "Ratchet?"

"Sorry," Ratchet said. "I didn't mean to wake you up."

"You okay? That sounded scary."

"Yeah, I'm fine. Too many horror vids."

"Ok," Trefacto said skeptically. "Well, if you need anything, let me know."

"Thanks." Ratchet said. He waited until he could hear Trefacto go back to their room, then dragged himself back to his feet. Frag, his back hurt. "Drift?" He whispered. "Drift?"

Ratchet limped back to the berth and climbed back on, fumbling about for any sign of cold frame. His fingers found a bit of plating, which he followed to a shoulder and then to an entire sliver, curled up in the corner of his berth with his face buried in his arms. Drift was so still and so cold that Ratchet could have believed he was touching an empty frame. "Drift?" Ratchet asked again. He wasn't about to ask if Drift was okay, screaming nightmares were not the best sign of okayness. "You're safe. You're in my room, you're bound to me and no one can summon you. They can't hurt you any more."

"I hit you," Drift whispered.

"You were scared."

"I'm not supposed to be scared," Drift said. "I'm supposed to be evil and monstrous and too strong to hurt. I'm a monster. Monsters don't get to feel scared."

"Drift, I'm only going to say this once, because you're religious and it's going to offend you." Ratchet put his arm around Drift's shoulder, tentatively and then more firmly when he felt Drift relax into his arms. "If Primus did this? He fucked up. You don't deserve what happened to you. There is no amount of evil on the planet where someone would deserve this slag."

"I never dream about the bad things," Drift said. "It's never the murders or the...other stuff. It's stupid. I always dream about being summoned and then forgotten, just stuck inside a summoning circle forever. There's no reason why it couldn't happen. I'm bound until the summoner dies or releases me, it's been pure luck that some of them died before I - " Drift clutched at Ratchet's arm, burying his face in his shoulder. "Why couldn't he just unmake me? What's the point of this?"

"I don't know. But if I ever meet Primus, which I won't because he doesn't exist, I'm going to give him a kiss with my fist and ask him what he has to say for himself," Ratchet whispered, smacking his closed fist against this palm.

"Ratchet!" Drift hissed. "He's Primus."

"He's fiction. Or an asshole. Those are about the options, as I see it."

"I don't think he'd appreciate a kiss very much," Drift said. There was a long pause. "On the other hand, if you wanted to - if you wanted to kiss someone. I know someone who would like that very much."

"Do you?" Ratchet asked.

"I know you only didn't send me away because you pitied me," Drift whispered. "And it's unfair of me to take advantage of that pity. But you make me feel real, Ratchet. And I want to be real. I want to be real enough to love you."

Ratchet leaned back onto the berth, pulling Drift with him until they were lying down, limbs tangled together. His hands found Drift's helm, stroking over his finials. He smoothed over Drift's lips with his thumb, scared to miss and ruin the moment. Slowly he pressed his lips against Drift's and then leaned back. "Do you love me?" He asked.

"Yes," Drift admitted. "I'm sorry, I - "

"Then you're already real. I don't pity you, Drift. I'm angry for you. And, in case you hadn't noticed? I love you too. So why don't you kiss me?"

Drift surged forwards, sealing his lips against Ratchet's and licking his way inside. He was making needy noises in the back of his throat and Ratchet had never felt more wanted in his life. He clung to Drift, rolling onto his back and hunting for a flash of gold optics. He wanted to get to watch this, the way lovers did.

[disposedserenity]

BTS in Singapore #LoveYourselfSG

I don’t know who would even wanna read about a concert that happened A MONTH AGO. But if you are still keen, hey ho.

*I’m gonna recount the entire day in great detail, so please feel free to skip any details if you don’t care about it.*

disclaimer: all pics & videos are not mine unless stated, credit goes to bts/bighit/fansites/fans

For reference, I was at yellow 1 (left side of the extended stage)

On the night before the concert, it still felt unreal. I was surprisingly calm and I was even watching 聲林之王 with glenn (who stayed over) 😂 I thought I wouldn’t be able to sleep but I ended up falling asleep at around 3 am.

19 January, 6.00am: My eyes opened and I was sooooo effing tired LOL. I swear I was in a daze all the way till the actual concert. We got ready and proceeded to leave the house at 8 am. Once I arrived at the stadium, there were fans everywhere. The group of us (carol, mingyou, glenn and I) decided to grab a cup of tea/coffee to wake ourselves up and I don’t know how, but it was already past 9 am by the time we bought our drinks. Glenn and I went to collect the various fansupport items (a cool thing about kpop concerts is the amount of free stuff given out by fans) and we went to find glenn’s roommate who had been queuing for merch since 6am.

At 10.30 am, glenn and I went to register for soundcheck. The place we were at (outdoor area outside astons) had various dance cover groups, which was actually a pretty good form of entertainment to pass the time. After we were done with registration, glenn had to pick up an item she had ordered from a fansite, which we had a hell of a difficult time trying to find because the stadium is so freaking big. We had to speed walk to queue for soundcheck right after, as we were already late (queueing started at 12.30pm and it was almost 1pm)

SOUNDCHECK:

That was basically my reaction when BTS walked out.

Even though they were in casual clothes and had no makeup on, (Jhope even tweeted about it!!!), in my mind they looked like this as they were walking over to us HAHAHA:

They performed three songs in total: mic drop, dna and run. I went in assuming they would each be rehearsing their solos, so I wasn’t expecting those three songs to be chosen. But, it makes total sense because these are the more hype songs. My memory is slowly fading so I’ll let drake illustrate how I felt during the soundcheck.

When they all stood in one line right in front of me:

When I heard the opening note of mic drop:

KIM NAMJOON, KIM SEOKJIN, MIN YOONGI, JUNG HOSEOK, PARK JIMIN, KIM TAEHYUNG, JEON JUNGKOOK, BTS!!!!!!!

**when I heard the whistling in DNA**

*run plays* me: YAAAAAAAAS BICTH

me realising midway that bts is real and I’m actually seeing them like wtaf-

armys after the soundcheck:

I don’t know how I ever got so lucky winning soundcheck passes, but I wanna thank all the lords and the universe for awarding BOTH glenn and I this opportunity. Soundcheck is truly such an intimate experience because you get to experience bts in all their natural glory. Even though this was just a rehearsal, it felt like a mini concert and I even told glenn that I’d be fine if I didn’t go for their concert and I can die happy lmaoooo.

Brief soundcheck tidbits (you can read the rest here):

1) Jin looks THE best without makeup, he has such good skin and I swear this man is really really handsome in person. I’ll admit I never bought into the worldwide handsome hype before, but I’m a convert now.

2) Jin kept looking at glenn and I several times and he was FULL ON staring. It wasn’t even a brief glance, it was as if I owed him money and he was waiting for me to return it to him (yes jin i owe u my money and life). I kept wondering if I was delusional (aren’t we all, tbh). To be fair, I think jin was also looking at the barricades behind us and/or staring into space, but this man definitely looked me straight in the eye. How did I survive? I didn’t, I’m typing from my grave

3) hobi glows in person, and he’s really not called the sun for nothing. He was the first one to walk out on stage and he had the biggest smile plastered on his face the entire time. Sunshine radiates from this man with every move he makes. Alongside joon, he was the one speaking the most and leading the members.

Ok, so storytime. There were supposed to be 1000 soundcheck winners but when we entered, there was NO way that there were 1000 of us. Our area had probably around 100 - 150 people max and the same goes for the other side. During the concert ment time,  jungkook mentioned that there were only 200++ fans at soundcheck. The moment he said that, glenn and I turned to each other and went “HUH?” and we clowned him because we thought he couldn’t math... (sorry jk bro for doubting you oops). As it turns out, about 800 soundcheck passes were cancelled because they were obtained through special means and connections. AND, the reason they looked really tired/sad at soundcheck was because they were expecting 1000 fans and they probably thought they couldn’t even fill up that amount. :( fuck you scalpers, fuck you snakes staff, but I’m glad bighit decided to cancel all those tickets because those fools dont deserve it and also more space for us soundcheck winners muahahaha.

Before I delve into the concert experience, I need to vent about my stupidity and anger at myself. **CAUTION: RANT AHEAD** So, the standing ticket holders were let in to the venue from 4 pm onwards, and we happily found a spot to settle in and chill. (it was definitely NOT chill in our pit, but that’s another story) At around 6.30pm, everyone decided to stand up officially. Fast forward 15 minutes, I went into full panic mode because I needed to pee. Usually, I’ll just hold it in but my stomach was feeling quite queasy (I’ve been having a lot of stomach issues since november). I also didn’t wanna watch the entire concert with the constant urge to pee because that’s so fun, right? It just SO happened that mingyou and carol were talking about going to the back to watch the concert so I said fuck it, I’ll just go to the toilet and stand at the back too. Went to the toilet to pee and ta-da, ONLY TWO FREAKING DROPS OF PEE CAME OUT. I was so pissed at myself (my body really) because it made me leave my front spot for nothing. But, what’s done was done. I told myself that hey, at least you can finally breathe now (while internally cursing). **RANT OVER**

CONCERT:

Even though I’ve watched so many fancams from their concert, NOTHING will ever beat the experience of watching it in person. I got GOOSEBUMPS when the first note of idol played and they all rose from the platform. Till this day, I STILL get goosebumps rewatching any idol fancams because of that exact moment.

me watching the IDOL opening stage for the 94919994th time:

I was watching IDOL from the back with carol and mingyou, and I was truly thankful that I had the space to dance and go wild. But, that feeling lasted briefly because I realised I was so damn far from the stage. BTS was performing most of their choreographed songs at the purple main stage so even if I was at my original spot, I still wouldn’t be able to see them. The huge led screens existed for that very reason, but my stubborn ass was adamant on watching them on the stage instead of seeing them through a screen.

me deciding to squeeze my way back in again:

After IDOL, it was time for their intro ment (introducing themselves, saying a few comments the usual stuff). Immediately after, they performed save me/I’m fine. I don’t know why my idiotic ass thought this was a good time to squeeze my way in when I should have been FOCUSED on my boys. I was basically half watching them, half saying sorry excuse me to strangers. *bows head deeply and slaps self*

Ok moving on.... I really freaking love how they created the transition from save me to I’m fine. The part where tae gets up into a bridge position was b-e-a-u-t-i-f-u-l. For some reason, he looked particularly breathtaking doing this move at this very concert. The beauty of live performances, indeed.

Personally, tae stood out in save me/I’m fine the most.

Magic Shop was next, which surprised me because I forgot that it was so early in the setlist. Hence, I was NOT ready for the incoming wave of emotions.

“so show me, I’ll show you” will forever remain one of the most iconic lines in the fandom 😭😭😭 I think I would have cried if this song was played towards the end of the concert. 

As per tradition, a subunit vcr is played before each members solos. So the order goes hopekook, minjoon, tae and yoonjin (yoonjin was too!! much!! to handle because it was 2 separate screens and I didn’t know where to look at???)

Jungkook: Euphoria

(aiyooo look at them cheeks *pinch*)

I love how this has now become our official fanchant (for context). Euphoria is one of my fave intros after seesaw and my ears were in for a treat that night. (It was also at this point I decided to just stay in my current spot instead of trying to find glenn). Jungkook sounds amazing live and this made me realise that wow, he really deserves the main vocalist title.

As most fans would have known, Jungkook was so exhausted at the seoul music awards, which was a mere few days before the concert. Naturally, I was worried that kook would push himself too much in sg. I could tell he was definitely a little worn out, but he still gave it his all (bcos its jungkook) and delivered an impressive performance. I’m truly happy I’ve witnessed euphoria live 😍

J-Hope: Just Dance

JUNG HO SEOK, YOU GOOD??? J-hope showed me what the term bias wrecker really meant that night. I think EVERYONE left the stadium that night rethinking their bias list (if you didn’t, you’re lying). His stage presence and charisma is out of this world. Everyone knows he’s a good dancer, but seeing him executing those moves in person is REALLY something else. 

my face during the entire performance

when he walked over to the extended stage, I was like

WHO IS HE? HE’S J-HOOOOOOOOPE! LOUDER!

I Need U + Run

I honestly don’t remember much from this except for THE vmon moment because they were kinda all over the place. They started at the main stage, then came over to the extended stage and were just dancing their hearts out freely. The members were all splashing water (Idk how they do it so nicely, I’ll probably just hit someone’s head with the bottle) and there was a water cannon. The water cannon was SOOOO strong, I and the people around me were caught off guard (rip my hair & makeup). Bighit probably knew mosh pit fans were sweaty as hell so they wanted us to take a bath. How nice of them.

I loooooveee the outfits they wore here. I’m not a fan of all white ensembles but on bts, I’ll make an exception. They look like ethereal angels who've descended down to earth for one day to grace us with their presence. I’M HERE FOR IT.

look at all da sparkles (and jimin’s messy hair uwu)

Jimin: Serendipity

Till this day, jimin remains my favourite performer in bts. Whenever I watch a bts performance, my eyes automatically go straight to jimin. As a contemp dancer trained in ballet, you can see how that has shaped his performances. Fluidity is the term I would use to describe his style, because he moves like he’s gliding through water. I often find myself rewatching his fancams the most because he has so much adaptibility, its crazy. He knows when to go hard and when to reel it back in. Jimin has such pretty dance lines as well. He stands out because he really pays attention to the little details (the turn of a foot, the hand placement, arch of a back)

Out of all the solos, serendipity is really the prettiest. The combination of jimin’s glitter shirt + pastel hair + bubbles really was a feast for the eyes 😍

See what I mean? Jimin looks so picturesque even in motion.

Trivia: Love

As glenn pointed out, Joon looks so much softer in person (he’s a real life koya 😭). In person, his features are much softer and ‘rounder’. While he may have soft features (how many times can I use the word soft), his stage presence is a huge contrast. I’ve often noticed that out of everyone, joon is the most focused member during performances. While the others will interact with fans/try to incorporate some kind of fan service, rm concentrates solely on carrying out what he’s supposed to do. I can respect that.

Ugh!!! This man!!! Honestly, I was a little worried joon wouldn’t get the hype and cheers he rightfully deserves but Singapore impressed me. Well done, my fellow countrymen (and foreign fans). There was a girl beside me who screamed super loud and kept yelling “KIM NAMJOON!!!!!” so I was like HELLLL YEAH OKAY FINALLY SOMEONE AS HYPED AS ME LEGGO. Jungkook making a heart at the end with namjoon was so cute uwu. Everyone collectively lost their shit when joon slid his jacket off over one shoulder. King of giving the people what they want, I see you.

**another thing to note is how he always looks SOOO happy performing love. You can see the genuine happiness radiating off this man. It makes me happy too 🤗

DNA

The main talking point of this performance was that jimin fell. I actually missed it, because I could only see their side view and jimin was blocked from my pov. By the time I looked at the screen, jimin was already on the floor (still smiling bcos he’s jimin) and I was like oh nooooooo. Apparently after that, they coordinated among themselves mid song to tell each other not to do the ending choreo. A PLUS TEAMWORK, RIGHT THERE! tae even went to wipe the floor after the performance, bless his precious soul.

sidenote: I love love their dna outfits, especially the jackets!! They had different ones for the america and europe concerts, but I do love the asia tour ones just a little more.

Medley

The other highlight of the concert happened here because I was reunited with glenn!!!!!!! I found her just when they launched into fire and we were like OOOOOMMMMGGGG YAS. I actually gave up on ever finding her, but I suddenly saw her blouse from the corner of my eye (THANK YOU GLENN FOR WEARING A PINK DAISY TOP). During the medley, everyone kept following wherever the boys went because the boys were on the moving stage. I felt like I was at a wave pool getting pushed without even moving. They were right at the back at the small diamond stage, so I couldn’t really see much. I had no choice but to watch from the screen. 

funny moments: tae doing pubg dances LOOOL , rm’s legendary hip thrust (you’re welcome)

Airplane Pt. 2

I.. actually forgot that this song was on the setlist. It felt really anti climatic and I wish they would have arranged this to be after DNA or something. 

*airplane pt 2 comes on me:

Jokes aside, I do love this song. It was even one of my top songs in 2018 according to spotify.

V: Singularity

For the first and only time during the concert, this made me speechless. Normally, I’d be cheering and singing along to all of the songs. BUT man oh man, I couldn’t tear my eyes away from tae. While jimin is my favourite performer to watch, I believe that tae is the most expressive performer in bts. Whenever I watch him, I realise that wow that’s really a celebrity right there. Its easy to dress up and put on a show, but not everyone can really perform. What separates a regular person from a star is the x factor, and taehyung is the perfect embodiment of that.

Look

at

that

duality

Fake Love

First off, how did I not notice jhope was wearing leather gloves???? Fake love is still that bitch, no matter what anyone says. It gave us goth bangtan and that’s all I could ever ask for.

I wasn’t expecting them to perform the rock version, and I LOVE IT. I’ve probably watched all of their fake love performances, but seeing it live just solidified it as my fave title track from the love yourself series. Funny anecdote: jungkook didn’t lift his shirt up like he usually does and I swear the people around me were disappointed. They didn’t outrightly say anything, but I could feel the sadness 😂

Suga: Seesaw

ALRIGHT, SHE DROPPED THE CHEESECAKE TIME. Seesaw is my fave solo so you bet your sweet ass this bitch was excited AF!

Singapore did good for the seesaw fanchants, I’m so proud of us *wipes away tear* yoongi definitely noticed our efforts and smiled so freaking wide when he heard us (he absolutely has THE cutest gummy smile).

I remember the entire fandom (me included) got shookt to the core when yoongi first debuted the seesaw performance. We were like ‘suga dancing??’ Seesaw as a song itself was already a pretty unconventional fit for yoongi. We were all used to his hard hitting rap songs (agust d says hi) so we were really surprised. But, you can see how much fun yoongi always has whenever he’s performing seesaw and I’m thankful that he reversed our expectations with this song.

Jin: Epiphany

THIS MAN, yes I am suing. His name is Kim Seok Jin. How dare he make me feel all of the feels when I specifically told him not to? Hearing 50,000 people singing “I’m the one I should love in this world” together was truly a historical moment (just hear how it sounds from OUTSIDE the stadium). Seeing Jin channel all of his emotions into this song was heartbreaking, yet cathartic at the same itme. I would have full on ugly cried but all the screaming probably killed the mood.

the gaze of a man who knows the power he holds, ugh I stan

Epiphany is such a perfect song, 10/10. I don’t know what else to say because nothing I ever say will compare to the experience of actually watching it live. I love you, jin (no hetero)

The Truth Untold

v, jimin, jungkook, jin are the nation’s vocalists thank you for coming to my ted talk

I could barely hear tae at the start because of his mic, which was a shame :( Aside from that, everyone sounded really great. TTU is a song that can strain your voice if not done properly. There were definitely some concerts where some of them struggled to reach the high notes or the correct key. One thing’s for sure though - Jin has CONSISTENTLY been singing in perfect pitch and ALWAYS delivers a fantastic performance. Jin’s singing is so stable, it deserves more recognition. I love tae’s ad lib here and how he made everyone lose their marbles after.

Outro: Tear

HANDS DOWN, FAVE PERFORMANCE OF THE NIGHT!!!!! I walked out of the concert still thinking about tear, because it was THAT powerful. I’m glad glenn was beside me for this because she’s the only other tear enthusiast I know (TEAM SENN ✊🏼). BTS individually have amazing stage charisma, but put the three rappers together and you get AN UNDENIABLE FORCE. I’ll always stan rap line till the day I die. The three of them have such different rapping styles, yet nothing sounds out of place when they work together.

yoongi in headbands is so hot, no one fight me on this

Mic Drop

Second fave performance of the night! (okay I might be slightly biased, since it was right after tear) Even though this was nearing the end of the concert, I was actually way more energetic than I was at the start. It was like I was saving all my energy stores for this very moment. When joon mentioned it was their last song, I was like NOOOOOOOOO WAIT WHAT YOU CAN’T LEAVE YET. Then, I remembered that there was an encore segment and the world was all right again.

I see you stylists with the second white ensemble of the night, and I raise you one. Mic drop is the song that can get anyone hyped up anywhere. I feel like this is the song that you can play at clubs / festivals and it wont feel out of place. Fun story: the dj at dpr live’s show played mic drop and everyone was lowkey jamming to it (also shout out to all the armys there)

Please watch jhope’s fancam!!! I’ve always felt that mic drop is one of the few songs that allows him to really shine as a dancer. As a hip hop dancer, he doesn’t get many opportunities to showcase it because he has to ‘tone down’ for bts choreos. If you have the time, do check out all of his hopeonthestreet videos to really see dancer hoseok in his element!

mandatory iconic yoongi mic drop

Encore Stage (So What & Anpanman)

All of the cutest and funniest interactions took place right here!!! Before the concert, I was going back and forth between getting purple or yellow tickets but I definitely do NOT regret getting yellow tickets! The extended stage is where you can see their goofy selves come out to play.

joon + jimin’s cheeks: an untold love story

p.s. joon was casually applying lip balm before this moment, lol

me whenever minjoon minjoons

this is peak joon at his final form

jimin got to start anpanman this time!!

cosmo and wanda (I mean vmin) being the absolute cutest

chaotic duo taejin back at it again

vmon was being very very cute during anpanman & so what!! There were so many vmon moments throughout the concert, THANK YOU UNIVERSE for blessing me with the most underrated ship.

noteworthy moments during the encore stage:

-sope freaking looked at glenn and I, and we almost combusted right there. Both of them came over to our side at one point, and stepped down onto this black box platform just below (no wonder they felt so close). Almost everyone else were on their phones, so naturally they noticed us because we were the only two crazy bitches cheering by ourselves. I MADE EYE CONTACT AND THAT’S ALL THAT MATTERS. suga smiled so hard when he saw us going all out, and that’s when I knew: I was yoongi’s bitch for life. jhope was looking at us with a sort of approval *stands at attention* YES SIR ARMY REPORTING FOR DUTY

-jungkook came over to our side of the stage and was just in right front of me. I took this time to really look at his face (HAHA) because I felt like I didn’t see him enough during the concert. He was doing body rolls (looked a little something like this) and everyone around me was busy trying to get his attention. Upon closer ‘inspection’ of jungkook, I have concluded that he is a 5 year old trapped in a 20 year old ripped body. His body proportions are reeeealllyy crazily good - with his tiny waist and long legs (and veiny arms). I can see why people lose their mind over him, but he’ll always remain an adorable bunny to me.

-I got blessed by yoongi’s holy water during so what. I didn’t think I was gonna be close enough to get the water but I GUESS NOT! I’ve never been happier getting splashed with water in my life. I swear, yoongi was so cute bouncing around and just smiling the whole time (I can’t stop talking about yoongi, SO SUE ME)

this is what jungkook looks like in person, can you believe? Fansite pictures are always heavily edited (especially jungkook’s for some reason) so sometimes they can come across as quite ‘fake looking’ when you look at images. Lemme tell you, they look a thousand times better in person. The melanin, the glow, the messy hair, their natural skin - can we get a hallelujah

Final Ment

Their final ment before we parted ways :((( I do enjoy hearing them speak even if its in korean, because you get to listen to their thoughts and feelings. I also really appreciate their attempt in speaking english, because it shows that they care. They might have memorised what to say, but effort goes a long way!

- tae saying we are part of his story, memory and scenery 😭😭😭 who knew it would be a teaser for his song! that sly kid. give it a listen over here, you won’t regret it.

- jungkook saying that the fans at soundcheck (*raises hands* YES IT ME) cheered crazily good. yasss thank you kook for acknowledging us and trust me, you could have just ten armys and we’ll still cheer like 10,000 people!

yoongi was being so freaking cute and for what?? that little pout before he launched into his speech.... HERE TAKE MY HEART

the best part was yoongi correcting the translator (not good night, GREAT night) man’s fluent in english but never shows it off, I approve of this slytherin move. yoongi even mentioned that he thought there was a day 2 concert. live nation, what are you doing??? I was so looking forward to a day 2 concert too. Is minstradamus predicting a 2 day concert in Singapore in the future??  👀

jin is a sagittarius in every sense of the word. the way he waited for his close up before slowly removing his shades.....I’m honestly not surprised anymore. I’m too used to having so many sagittarius in my life LOL. he even attempted to speak singlish not once, but twice. I sincerely applaud the effort, though my greedy self wished every member tried too (I’m still waiting for jimin to say ‘ zuo mo ni jiang bad de’)

speaking of jimin, he sang promise!! for the first time!! live!! singapore was truly blessed :)))))

thank you God for spending a little more time on this fine specimen, jung hoseok. hoseok is fine, but with his forehead exposed? FINE FINE. *cue me singing I’m fine* everyone was chanting “J Hope! J Hope! J Hope!’ even before he spoke and he was like oooooh, me? while pointing at himself like pls hobi ITS ALL FOR YOU BBY.

yes, you have stolen my heart jung hoseok

I can’t believe this man even bothered to count the days and meals for his speech..... (I like how bts pretends music bank didnt exist LMAO) this man can honestly sell you a trash bag with how eloquent he is. english is his second/third language yet he can construct better sentences in english than I ever will. in Jeon Jungkook’s words “Kim Namjoon, you dangerous man”

Answer: Love Myself (aka THE END CRIES)

At last, the final song dawned upon us. This is it, the moment reality hits you. That we’re all gonna return to our sad little lives after the concert. I was expecting myself to cry, but I actually felt... at peace? Hearing them sing “I should love myself” also served as a final reminder that that is also the title of their world tour, and the key message to take away from the love yourself series. At the end of the day, bts are also 7 young men in their 20s struggling alongside the rest of us. They have their own battles to fight too, but at least we’re all in this together. BTS may be there to provide us with happiness and love, but we must never forget to look inward first. 💜

Welcome, first time experiencing singapore’s humidity?

Singapore air’s just that powerful huh

I got chills, they’re multiplying!

Ngl, Singapore really impressed me. Every member’s solo got the same deserving amount of screams and we even got seesaw’s part down! (yoongi was really happy huhu) I don’t think they nor us fans expected such an enthusiastic response, but I hope this lifted their spirits up. Touring non stop for months is no easy feat, and I hope our passion made them less weary for one night. I still feel extremely blessed that I got to see them so quickly after I became a full-fledged fan. Hope to see you boys real soon! 😁😁😁

p.s. I recommend reading glenn’s experience here, because it is MUCH more detailed and well articulated

p.p.s link to jimin fancams, link to j-hope fancams, link to rm tear fancam

To end off, here are some random/cute pics for your enjoyment ~

me shaking off all the sweat, filth and water out of my hair after the concert

grandpa over flowers

hello glenn, this is for you

LOOK at jungkook’s forearms.... he can literally kill us all

The cameraman was WHIPPED for tae that night, it kept focusing on tae for a good chunk of time (I can’t blame him/her, we were all in awe too)

Singapore is officially J-hope land now. Can he run for president next?

Thank you for giving me a night I will never forget 190119 will forever be etched in my memory 💜💜💜💜💜💜💜

[sincerelylaureen]

Date #49 ❤️ Sunday, May 24, 2020 from 2:15pm to 10:30pm

Today was actually a pretty spontaneous day! Mama was off and wanted to invite Dylan with us to explore San Diego again. I was gonna ask Dylan to come with us anyway but I was lowkey shy because of what we talked about the night before but since mama also wanted me to ask it made it easier for me to. LOL. I hope he didn’t feel pressured or mad that I invited him. 

Once we picked him up from his place and started driving he said he missed having boba so we headed over to Happy Lemon over on Convoy Street! It was my first time trying it there and it was alright tbh we just didn’t know what to get. It’s okay though--I had wintermelon boba and his was like cookies and cream with boba and aloe. Thai tea boba from Oceanside is still a win in his book and since I got that down I know where to take him haha. After that we headed over to Gaslamp! We parked in a parking garage and walked and checked out a couple restaurants until we found a place to eat and we ended up at this place called Rockin’ Baja Lobster. Thank goodness we were able to eat inside and enjoy drinks and food in a restaurant again, it felt so so nice. We shared this seafood bucket that had shrimp, lobster, corn, and steak and it was super good and drank some margaritas (his was called something like Magarona or something and mine was the naughty margarita). Afterwards we were going to walk back to the car but then we saw Spin scooters so we decided to give them a go. Sadly his didn’t work but mine did so I just rode behind him while he drove and mind you he took a hit of his pen like 5 times and was buzzed from that margarita LOL he was like “even I wouldn’t trust myself right now” it’s okay, I did though. So yeah we went around the building while mama just casually walked to the car on her lil legs. That was fun! Reminded me of when me and Dylan went scootering back in December :,) Going out of the parking garage was a little difficult because the machine wouldn’t work and Dylan attempted to lift the gate thing but got introuble by the guy and threatened to call the cops on him smh but he kept his cool. He was sooo aggravated though you could feel it and see it on his face. Then he had to pee and we went around the Balboa area for like 10 minutes trying to find a place for him LOL ended up being in a sketchy parking lot. 

Afterwards we drove to Belmont Park because I’ve never been and I wanted to check out the area! I want to go there with Dylan when all of this is over. I wanna ride a rollercoaster and play games and win stuffed animals lol. Then we went to Seaport Village! We walked around and watched the sunset there. I want to go into the USS Midway Museum with him too!! After that we went to Coronado Island and he finally saw the restaurant he said had the best steak he’s eaten! (again I want to go with him and try it lol) We walked on the dock that swayed back and forth and I took a couple hits of his pen and it GOT me soon after we walked. We talked for a bit and looked at the view and water and kids jumping from the little bridge. Then mama wanted some ice cream so we got Coldstone. We shared the strawberry blonde ice cream mix and it was suuuper yummy! We just ate outside the store and we talked and I made him laugh a lot!!! His laugh is great and it makes me laugh and it makes me happy hearing him laugh that hard LOL I don’t remember what I was doing, probably being an idiot but whatever I didn’t care and plus I was lowkey out of it. Making idiots of ourselves could possibly be a thing between us.

After this we head back to Ramona. I forgot we actually had to drive him back... wanted to take him home with us. But yeah the drive back was nice, we listened to music, danced a little to it, talked about upgrading my car and finding parts for my new headlights, showed him photo. There was a point where he was like can you go to Safari or search something because he didn’t want to look through my phone, I said sure but I was actually like I don’t care if he wanted to look through my phone he could if he wanted to. We get to his house and I get a couple of weed brownies and head OUT. I ate mine on the way home and yo I lost it. Gave my mom one, she complained about the taste, 2 hours later, knocked out oh mah GAHD. It was a wonderful day. It was a teaser of San Diego opening again. It felt so good to be out. 

[thedeadflag]

I gotta be real Cover Me Up is really heckin' me up. ;_; Like I'm kinda getting the Clarke feelings in it, but I am really resonating with Anya and it's got me feelin' Some Kinda Way. Hope you're having a lovely day. 🍕🍕🍕🍍🍍🍍

Thanks, anon! TBH I’ve been trying to work on the full second portion to this fic, because I don’t like leaving on such a sad note, but it’s just not gonna get out before the weekend, most likely late next week given all the traveling I’ll be doing.

We’ll definitely get some Clarke POV stuff, too, but yeah, Anya’s not in a great place .

But because you’re feelin’ Some Kinda Way, lemme give you a bit of a reprieve, mmkay? Let me toss out what I’ve got readied up atm. it’s subject to change, because when I edit, I edit the whole portion from start to end and make additions, adjustments accordingly, so this might change between now and when the whole bit gets posted, but still...

Never let it be said Raven Reyes wasn't a dedicated friend.

It was ten o'clock on a Saturday morning, the morning afterthe final day of midterms and the subsequent party, and she'd driven all theway across town through traffic to see to a loose friend of hers on request ofone Clarke Griffin, who was otherwise occupied. Or, well, Raven suspected asmuch, given she and Finn had stuck around after the party had ended aroundtwo.  She was pretty sure they weren'tplatonically hanging out and fawning over Finn's mediocre record collection.

Truthfully, she only did it for two reasons. The first being out of a sense of respect thatFinn had waited as long as he had after breaking up with her to finally make anattempt at Clarke. And Clarke being one of her closest friends, the blonde'shappiness meant something to her.

So when Clarke asked her to check on Anya the next morning,a girl she was friendly with even if not to the point of regular hangouts, itwas hard to decline.

The second reason was because she owed Anya from when the woman came through for her, and if Clarke saw fit to send her over to check on her, then she wasn’t about to risk any situation where she could have helped Anya out but didn’t.

Raven remembered how to get in from her brief time crashingat the apartment, finding the spare key wedged underneath the doorframe'scrowning. The knob was a little stiffer than in the past, but it only took afew seconds to figure out how to get it turned, letting herself in. She'd triedto get a hold of Anya through phone, text, and social media to no avail, sowhile it was a little risky entering without permission, maybe she was a littleworried.

Anya could be a bit of a snarky, standoffish bitch on herworse days, but she'd been well worth the effort if their past encounters wereany indication. 

Clarke had been so wrapped up in her finals last April whenWick finally escalated his abuse and hit her. It'd been Anya, midway through a session helping Clarke study at the time, who had caught her text, having held ontoClarke's phone to keep the pre-med student from getting distracted. It'd beenAnya who had brought her home to safety, letting her eat Anya out of house andhome, letting her take the bedroom, letting her stay as long as she needed,keeping her company in simple silence when she'd needed it.

It had been a rough eleven days back then, and Anya hadn'tspoken to her about that time since, but Raven was still grateful. The effortwasn't lost on her, and as she stepped into the low-lit, silent apartment, shehoped that the twisting in her gut was off today, that she wouldn't be payingback that generosity, but the living room alone told her not to get her hopesup.

Anya liked candles on the oversized chest she used as atable in the room, and she'd never let them burn down to the base, certainlywould never let her table get covered in wax. Meaning, Anya forgot to put themout, which was not likely, knowing the woman's attention to detail.

The remaining option had her making a beeline towards thebedroom, the stink of sex slowing her pace as she neared. Raven blinked andshook her head at the potency and peeked in, spotting a single lump in the bedin the dimly lit room. At least she wasn't interrupting.

"Anya?" She called out clearly, not really in themood to ease things out if her friend was hurt. "Anya, are youawake?"

A groan from the bed was proof that if she wasn't before,Anya was now. However, instead of reaming her out like Raven expected, shewatched the woman pull the covers over her head. Bizarre wouldn't begin todescribe it, which was the main reason Raven strode closer, unsure how tohandle the situation. Anya was nothing if not direct and blunt. Evasive wasn'ta word she'd ever thought would describe the woman.

Her foot caught on something decently heavy, a paddedlog stranded on the floor. On closer inspection, a padded spreader bar. "The fuck...?" Her eyes trailed over thearea, spotting some leather restraints before fixating on a discarded harnesswith a terrifying beast of a toy secured into it.

Panic tore through her, and before she knew it, she'dclimbed up onto the bed and threw off the covers, needing to make sure Anyawasn't split in two. Thankfully, her friend was in one piece.

Unfortunately, she looked like she was on death's door,which wasn't much better of a state. "Where does it hurt? Come on, talk tome, cheekbones."

"Go away." Anya's voice was so weak that Ravencould barely hear her, those usually intense brown eyes all dull andhalf-lidded, all puffy and blood-shot, messy with last night's eyeshadow andmascara smudged and streaky. Raven hadn't ever really seen it in person before,but she was pretty sure there were dried tear tracks on her face, and that wasdoing all kinda of fucked up shit to her heart as her brain tried to findexplanations and answers for what happened and what to do. "Don't look atme."

She cursed her leg in that moment, knowing she'd otherwisepick Anya up and carry her somewhere better lit to help her clean up, but shejust didn't have that strength and stability at the moment. Not in thisposition, at least.

"Just worried, mama bear. Are you okay? Can youmove?" Raven decided on sticking to those two questions for now, hopingsomething simple could start them off.

"What part of go away do you not understand?" Anyaturned her face to halfway bury it in her pillow. There were other ways ofshutting Raven out, much more effective, easier ways. However, thinking back tothe restraints, maybe some of those weren't so accessible.

"The part where that doesn't answer my questions. Look,I won't judge you for the kinky sexcapades you had with whoever you had itwith. I just want to get you cleaned up and back to good, okay? Can I help withthat, or are you gonna delay us by snarking at me some more?" Raven asked,settling onto the spot in the bed beside her, angling her head to try and catcheven a shred of eye contact.

If she had any prior expectations that this would proceed asthings had in the past, they were shattered by the soul-wrenching sob that toreout of Anya, the pillow not near enough to muffle the pain. Raven's arms werearound Anya immediately, shuffling her closer along her side, careful toposition herself on her back and Anya atop her, having a feeling about what hersituation might be like.

"Shit, air it out, cheekbones, I've got you." Shemurmured into her friend's hair, the fact that Anya smelled like a peak-VanHalen tour bus hardly registering against the multi-layered fear and panicerupting in her mind. She pressed a kiss to Anya's forehead more out of rawinstinct than anything, but with the way Anya curled into her after that, armssluggishly gripping at her, Raven's mind started to piece together whathappened and how to fix it.

As far as preliminary expectations went, it wasn't great,and her heart hurt at the prospect, but she could at least do something. Therewas nothing worse than feeling useless.

"No judgment, okay? I just need you to hum or nod forme if I'm on the right track, yeah?" Raven let out softly, pressinganother kiss to Anya's head and earning a slow nod in return. "You hadkinky sex last night, and you were on the receiving end, weren't you?"

Anya nodded again, this time with a few second hesitation.Still, it was an answer.

"And it felt good, and maybe you've never felt that waybefore, kinda like you're flying and free." Anya's immediate hum had hernuzzling the top of her friend's head, arms gently stroking up and down herback as her heart fell, her suspicions almost confirmed. "And the personyou had sex with left, like, really soon after, didn't they?"

Her friend went still in her arms, all tense and quiet, butRaven wasn't about to be deterred, arms shifting to hold Anya closer."Honey, you would have felt most of this with or without them here. Ipromise...would have been better if they were here to help you through this,but I promise, the way you're feeling? It's not all on you. It's not yourfault." Raven whispered, only receiving a scoff in response, Anya clearlynot convinced. Entirely too stubborn for her own good. "I know when I'd experience sub drop and I was on my own,I'd usually feel tired, and cranky...but I'd also, most of the time, feelworthless and broken and pathetic. That wasn't the truth, though, and if yourhead's buzzing with that shit, then it's not true for you, either. It's justyour mind going through withdrawal after all those chemicals it released tomake you high as a kite during sex. It's not fun, and it's not yourfault."

That, it seemed, spurred a reaction, Anya pulling her headaway, those tired eyes scanning her face with newfound hope. "Thishappened to you? You're like me?"

Raven leaned her head forward, resting their foreheadstogether. "Well, I'm what folks would call a switch, cheekbones. I'm goodwith either role. But yeah, I've been right where you are now, I know how muchit hurts. I know how low you can feel. So trust me...it's not on you. Okay,princess?"

"Not a princess." Anya grumbled, lower lip juttingout slightly in an adorable pout that was too cute not to laugh at.

"Tough shit, cheekbones, you are today. Now let me takecare of you and get you washed up, alright?" She slowly worked at gettingAnya up to a kneel; it was a bit of a slow process, but at least Anya wascompliant.

"What about Luna?" Raven recoiled a little, unsurewhat Anya meant for a moment, before realizing Anya probably had no idea whattime it was, and thought she might be stealing her away from her girlfriend;she and Luna always spent Saturday afternoons together, after all. It was oneof their routines, to keep them connected even when their lives got busy.

It was still early enough in the morning, but Anya wasright. This could stretch into the afternoon easily.

"Well, I could tell her the truth and invite her over.She's a domme, so she would be a hundred percent on board with me being herewith you. She'd want you to be taken care of, for sure. But if you didn't wanther over, she'd totally understand and accept that, too, it wouldn't be a bigdeal. I promise." Raven stated, hoping Anya would understand that shecouldn't just outright lie to her girlfriend. "Or I could just tell heryou're having an emergency and you need me, but that could get her scared, andshe could tell others, and...yeah. I think it's better to keep this in-housefor now."

"Are you sure she'd be okay with....you know. Iwouldn't be intruding?" Anya asked as Raven got her off the bed and to herfeet, her friend's knees wobbling a bit as she tried to get balanced in theheels that were still laced up snug.

Raven couldn't help but give Anya a quick once over,figuring whoever got with Anya last night was a lucky motherfucker. One shewanted to strangle a little bit, too.

She knelt in front of Anya and got to work on removing hershoes for her. "She'd probably reward me, honestly. Besides, she gets thatsub drop can happen at any time after sex, so you've gotta check up on yoursub, or at least have someone el..." Raven's mind froze for a moment,hands on Anya's left ankle, remembering that Clarke had been the one to sendher here, that Clarke had been reading up on BDSM in recent months and sendingloads of questions her way. That Clarke had done a few play sessions recently,even. Of all the others at the party she could have asked, she'd asked Raven,the most experienced in handling all this. It was too much of a coincidence toignore.

"Raven? Is everything alright?" Anya asked,stealing Raven back from her thoughts.

"Everything's peachy, princess." She noted with as much calm as she could manage while thinking about her hands around Clarke’s neck. Raven quickly finished untying the laces of her shoes. "Now lift up your feet for me,let's get you out of these death traps."

It didn't take long after that to whisk Anya into thebathroom and get the shower going, feeling thankful Anya's apartment had a niceone with a spot she could sit. Not that it'd feel great, her slightly sore assprobably stinging a little, but it was better than Anya standing and losing herbalance or something worse. Raven knew on some rare occasions, sub drops wouldsap all the energy out of her, and she would hardly have the strength to getout of bed, let alone stay upright for long enough to shower. Better safe thansorry.

As much as she wanted to run over to Finn's and strangleClarke, something told her that she'd find herself in a similarly conflictingsituation over there, so she decided to stick around and help the one she knewneeded her support and comforting, at least for now.

But she'd have her answers. If Clarke really was with Anyalast night, then she'd goddamn answer for it.

"Here's some hot chocolate, it should help." Ravensaid, handing her the mug. With how wrapped up she was in fluffy blankets, herarms were a little restricted, but she still managed to take it and bring it upto her lips.

"You know I don't like being coddled." Shemumbled, takng a sip of the delightful beverage.

"Yeah, I know. But I'd bet dollars to donuts you'remore upset about not being upset byme coddling you. It's okay if you feel a bit of a shift from the norm duringthis, it's to be expected." Raven let out, getting onto the couch besideher and snuggling up with her. Raven's mere proximity calmed her nerves andchased away some of the chill, the cocoa managing the rest.

Anya bit her lip, unsure how true those words were. Itdidn't make sense for anything to have changed. There was no reason for it, even if Raven might, underneath everything, be a little bit right."Hardly."

"I'm serious. You know how independent I am, howstubborn I am. I don't take shit from anyone, and if I can do something myself,I will, even if I have to fight off the people trying to help out." Raveninsisted, offering a bit of an exaggerated profile, but it was more or lessaccurate. "And yet...when I sub drop, I just want Luna there with me, tohold me, and take care of me, and even if I know she can't kiss everythingbetter and make all the symptoms go away from just that, it won't stop me fromwanting her to try. This shit fucks with our heads, makes us feel vulnerable.It's only natural to want to feel safe and comforted by the one you share a bondwith. I mean...I'm not Clarke, but I'll do in a pinch."

Anya knew she looked absurd, eyes bugged out and mouthgaping. "You...how...?'

"Wasn't hard to put the pieces together once I knewwhat to look for." Raven offered with a shrug, the downturn of her voicesending a spike of shame burning in her chest.

Because of course it was shameful for the lesbian to lustafter the straight girl. Even if Clarke was actually bi, Raven probably didn'tknow that, so of course she'd fall into the pathetic lesbian cliché. Andreally, maybe she really did deserve that. "You must think I'm such anidiot."

"No, princess, no. She's your best friend, you trusther, and she's pretty. If she was up for it, and I guess she was, I wouldn'tblame you at all. You deserve good things, you deserve to be happy." Ravencountered quickly, voice trailing off a bit at the end there. All she had to dowas meet Raven's gaze to give the woman the answers she seemed to be lookingfor. "And she didn't leave you happy last night, at least not in that way.But I could help you find someone who could. I just need you to be brave andhave a little faith in me."

Online dating just was not her strong suit, and it attractedfar too many fetishists for her liking. Anya had opened her mouth, about todismiss Raven's offer, when her front door opened, Luna finally arriving afterRaven's texts to her nearly an hour prior.

"Hey, babes. Sorry, had to grab some stuff before Icould hop by." Luna said, carrying a large bag over to the couch, leaningover the backrest to kiss Raven. "You two stay comfy, I'll plate up someof this takeout."

Food definitely did sound good. She hadn't eaten since alittle before five in the evening yesterday, it was a wonder that her stomachhadn't eaten itself.

"You're the best, hun." Raven called out, runninga hand through Anya's hair. "I was just telling Anya I could set her up ona dating site."

Anya rolled her eyes at the clear attempt to tag-team her onthe topic. "Raven..."

"I'm just saying, I've got three relatively light weeksahead of me. I could run your profile, screen messages, keep the chasers away,only send you the good ones. You could send messages to ones you wanted to, aswell, you know? It could work out." Raven's offer was intriguing, butstill, online dating was an unnerving realm.

"Or, you know, I could arrange a few blind dates withsome singles I know.  Can't promisethey'll be perfect, but they're decent women. Trans friendly, too.  All you'dhave to do is show up, and if you're not comfortable with them, you bail."Luna added as she rounded into the living room with food, setting two of theplates on the living room table before setting Anya's on the side table nearesther. "Raven said you like to head down to the food truck on Park and Fifthwhen you're stressed. I thought you could use some comfort food."

Anya stared at the familiar pulled pork sandwich, heartwarming at the thoughtfulness. She and Luna had never been very close, Anyaonly managing a manner of friendliness with her because Raven was dating her.With how busy she'd been in the past few months, she'd barely done more thangreet Luna and share a few words. "You shouldn't have, I'm sorry for thetrouble."

Raven shuffled her over a bit to her right, creating enoughroom for Luna to squeeze in beside her. Even if she didn't know Luna too well,the kindness shining in her eyes set Anya at ease.

"Psh, nonsense. It wasn't any trouble, and my girl washungry anyways. When Raven goes through a drop, I spoil her a bit with herfavourite things, and that helps her...when we take our subs to those highs,what we affectionately call 'subspace', it becomes our responsibility to carefor them when they hit their drops, to care for them until they balance backout again. Yours isn't here to care for you, hasn't left anything behind tohelp you, so we will, Anya. And if I had a chance to make you comfortable at nocost to myself, and didn't take it, I couldn't live with myself." Luna'slow, calm voice was soothing, as was the woman's hand at the back of her neck,the gentle massage pulling out the tension there.

It was hard to fathom a scenario where she deserved any ofthis, yet there she was, surrounded by two women insistent on caring for her.  No agendas, nothing for them to gain, justboth of them spending an afternoon with her, keeping her warm, fed, andcomfortable. Wrapping her in her favourite blanket, cuddling her on her comfiestcouch, putting on her favourite scented candles and the music she used to calmherself after her most stressful days.

None of it was normal, there was no precedent for any of it,and yet there they were. Treating her like she mattered, like she was worth it.

And maybe, through the thick brambled defenses of her mind,maybe a little bit of that managed to sneak through. Maybe if they felt she wasworth it, maybe others could. And if what Raven said was true, that she was alittle compromised at the moment, she couldn't exactly reach out and findsomeone who she was mutually worthy of, but letting Luna reach out, andtrusting Raven to background check them? Maybe that was a possibility.

"I'll uh...okay. I'll go along with it. But only ifRaven double checks them for me." No sooner had the words spilled from hermouth had Raven started celebrating, performing this absurd little dance besideher. Honestly, it was a bit absurd how many of her friends were adorable.

"Yesss! You won't regret it!" Raven cheered,lifting her arms to halfway wrap around her head. Anya rolled her eyes, bracingherself as Raven's lips pressed against her temple. "This'll work out, Iknow it will."

The pure thrill and excitement radiating from Raven had hopeblooming in her chest, and for the first time in a while, she had a feeling shecould trust it. That she could believe it'd work out, that she could maybe find a real girlfriend for once.

Anya hadn't realized her eyes growing wet, but Luna's thumbgrazing just under her eye to catch a tear had her gasping at the openvulnerability. "Thank you for trusting us, Anya. We'll help get you whereyou want to be." Luna whispered, words so warm and reassuring. "Noweat up, kitten, and think about what you want to watch first. Raven told me youlike to host mini-marathons on Netflix, and I figure that's not a bad way tospend an afternoon, huh?"

What had started off as a horrible day had somehow,miraculously, transformed into something promising, and warm, and safe. Anyaleaned into Luna, body relaxing the moment the woman's arm wrapped around hershoulder and held her close. "It's wonderful, thank you."

Raven pressed up against her other side, her soft cheeknuzzling against Anya's shoulder. "You're family, babe. Family meansnobody gets left behind or forgotten. Gotta keep up, princess."

Aggravating as the pet name was, Raven and Luna had managedto center her and annihilate the loneliness and emptiness she'd felt all nightand that morning. No, family wasn't too strong a word to use after suchbrilliant shows of care and empathy, and Anya would make sure that both were a biggerpart of her life from then onward.

With what courage she could band together, she turned toRaven and pulled her closer, pressing a lingering kiss to her cheek."Maybe we'll have to watch some Lilo and Stitch, then. I suppose I have alot to learn."

Raven's features softened, clearly having read between thelines for her message. That she accepted they were family, that Raven wasfamily to her, now, too. That she wanted to open herself, to learn, if they'dhelp her through. After coming out, she'd more or less lost all of her familyaside from Lexa, so it's not as if she really knew how it was supposed to work,but she wanted to.

"Nice! I knew I liked you for some reason or another.Babe, if you'll do the honors?" Raven asked, tossing Luna the remote as shetugged Anya close and pressed a kiss to her temple. "Thank you for lettingus in, I know it wasn't easy. I've got your back, Anya...and I'll help you findsomeone safe for you, who you can be happy with. And I'll talk to Clarke if youwant."

Anya shook her head. "I'll handle Clarke, but...thankyou. Today's meant more than you know."

"Mmmn, too true." Raven added, reaching out totake the plate in Luna's hand and set it on Anya's lap. "There we are.Gotta have some food for an afternoon marathon."

Anya bit into her pulled pork sandwich and let out a happyhum, thinking maybe, just maybe, this was her turning point.

I hope that helps alleviate some of the sad feels, anon (and other readers who might have felt a bit sad at the end there)!

[domysticmessengerhcs]

Hi! I really like your blog! And I request if that's okay! Can you write the reactions that the RFA would have when they see that MC doesn't have a limbs. And mc never told them because "you guys never asked". Thank you!!

I’m not too sure what you mean by “doesn’t have a limbs” (any limbs? a limb?) so I’m just going to go with amputee MC who’s missing an arm ^^; Note: MC’s prosthetic is smth like Kaitlyn Dobrow’s if you’re wondering. Her channel is rad as heck so check iT OUT

Yoosung

The moment he set eyes on you, he tears up and you’re like “??!!??”

“I didn’t know… But it’s okay!!! I think you’re still really pretty. And your arm looks cool…” A sniffle, then: “Did you not tell us because… you felt self-conscious…?” 

In truth, he usually feels pretty damn insecure about himself after hanging around wealthy, talented and attractive people all day. His insecurities suddenly looks super small compared to what you must have to deal with, though. So he prepares this entire speech inside his head and you’re like:

“Oh it just didn’t occur to me to tell you guys. You never asked haha.” And goes on smiling, radiating confidence and beauty and grace and boi he’s smi t t en. He goes on crying, the speech turning into some babble about his fears and how he admires your ability to go through life being chill af. You hug him lots tbh pls hug him lots he trie s  hi s  b est

Jaehee

She doesn’t comment on it at first, trying to Play It Cool. But you can tell she has questions and often acts awkwardly because she isn’t sure how to approach it. So you casually bring it up in a joking manner.

“Can you open the jam jar for me? Metal hands sucks at lids.” 

She rushes over immediately and the moment the jar lid pops open, the questions comes flowing. “Does it hurt? What happened? If you don’t mind me asking!! You don’t have to reply, of course… Is it alright if I hug you like this? How about like this? Does it get in the way when I do this?” Jaehee pls how are you gonna reply if she doesn’t stop talki n g

She listens to your answers with no judgement, only curiosity. Her eyes lights up with love and adoration with every passing moment as she grows to understand you more. There’s still some sadness in her though, wishing that she could do more for you even after you reassures her that you are mostly content with how things are. 

ZEN

He smiles naturally when he greets you and treats you like a princess. Sweet words and pet names flow like honey from his lips and you soak it all up. For the first time, you feel truly precious, though you do wonder if he’s only so calm because he’s an actor.

The first comment he makes on your arm is: “Can I sign my name on it?”

It’s followed by a bit of flustered rambling. “Y’know, like, with a sharpie? When I had a cast on my leg a lot of people wanted to sign it— of course, I’m not saying that it’s the same thing I just… Is this a dumb question?” You manage to assure him that he’s fine, and laughed. A lot. Poor boy doesn’t know what to do with himself. You ask him why he doesn’t seem surprised with your arm even though you forgot to tell everyone and he blushed.

“It’s not that… I am surprised. And I want to ask you a lot of questions but I don’t want it to get in the way of our first meeting, you know? I wanted this to be perfect.” 

Jumin

He does know quite a lot about disabilities, given that his best friend is currently blind and he has had experience with customers/clients/employees who are disabled before. So there isn’t any awkwardness when you two meet, and you soon realise that his protectiveness has nothing to do with your missing arm.

“Jumin, It’s fine. I’m safe. I’ll call you as soon as I get home, alright?” It’s only then that he glances at your prosthetic.

“Alright. However, I do wish you’d wear the dress for the party. You’d look stunning in it. And…” He pulls out a box, opens it and presents it to you. In it is an arm that ooks like it has been meticulously designed by a team of artists, not a hospital. A piece of royalty— emerald green highlighted by gold, carved into the shape of a shoulder guard that looks like it should belong to a medieval armour. And, you’d later find, it fits you perfectly.

“I contacted your doctor for guidance.” He says with a light shrug, cheeks dusted a light pink. He luvs u lots

707/Saeyoung

O boi he does n o t get a nice reveal.

You have been using one of your more realistic prosthetics so he never noticed from the cameras. And he mostly stays out of your medical documents out of respect for your privacy, only paying attention to your criminal records and schooling when doing your background check. His reveal comes midway through your scuffle with Unknown— a sharp yank and a faulty clasp results in your arm literally ripping off your body.You’ve never seen someone so shocked and genuinely horrified before.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” He jumps straight to the point after the danger has passed and you could see leftover panic shaking his entire frame. Your reason dies in your throat— you’ve honestly just forgotten and scared him half to death because of it. Tears started to fall from under his glasses, thoughts racing faster than his heartbeat of what he could’ve and should’ve done, but never did to ensure your safety. “Do you know how much danger you were in? If he had known before I did, he could have taken advantage of that. He c-could have taken you.”

“I—… I’m so sorry.” o no ur crying too :c

He halts in his pacing, stuttering breaths calming down as he looks at you. No, the only one to blame is him and his incompetence. “I’m sorry I—” He wilts. “I shouldn’t have yelled. I’m sorry. I’m sorry.”

[hurglewurm]

12.07.17 get ready I saw falsettos in theatres

it’s always fun being in a theatre mostly full of teenage girls, young gay men, and old couples, (and me and my mum), and just crying a whole bunch. collectively. as a group. anyway below are some chronologically segmented thoughts on this experience™ warning it’s long

“four jews” was so good, so bouncy, so happy. I love my kids. To Be Honest I was already crying a bit tho from the start just with the. uh. knowledge of what is to come

by “tight-knit family” christian borle was Already sweating and honestly, same

in “love is blind”: 

the “daddy’s kissing boys” kiss was SEEN and REMEMBERED because BOY HOWDY they MADE OUT

and before that happened andrew did an eyebrow waggle?? and a “come hither” crooked finger beckoning marvin near??? help??

“but so am IIIIIIIIIIII” I love brandon uranowitz, I love mendel

I watched andrew rannells as he did the “ah-ah” and he was a FLAWLESS boy, thank you camera crew for giving this to me

“the thrill of first love”

was so much more??? sexual??????? than I’ve ever seen it be??? andrew rannells put your tongue bACK in your mouth, oh my god

they. were. PALPABLE. that is all I can say

their little bickering and random spurts of dialogue were cute tho. like after The Kiss, whizzer said “that’s all you get” and I was like lmao my boy

legit I’m not joking about how steamy it was like they were mouth to mouth breathing the same air by the last “LOOOOOOOVE” and I was sweating

in “marvin at the psychiatrist” anthony rosenthal is the purest boy, best boy, absolutely flawless, KILLED IT YALL HE DID THAT. VERY PROUD

in “everyone tells jason to see a psychiatrist” 

whizzer stared at marvin for sO LONG after the flick. 

also can I just mention? andrew rannells? as whizzer? loves jason so much, and you can really tell

in “this had better come to a stop” the fluidity with which andrew rannells delivers his L’s in “late for dinner late again” is just incredible honestly, never fails to impress

“I’m breaking down” 

was the first song where the cinema audience clapped really hard along with the filmed audience. 

yall sjb killed it, she killed me, it was amazing. 

she d e s e c r a t e d that banana

“please come to our house”:

“hello to my house, so good of you to travel on account of my unraveling now let’s eat some food” anthony rosenthal’s fake smile was so on point during the delivery of this entire line and I was like. my boy

“I’ll wait for yoouuuuuuuuuuuuuu” trina held that note for SO long as she left the room, smiling shyly at mendel, and it was cUTE

“a marriage proposal”:

I LOVE MY PARENTS AND THEY LOVE EACH OTHER GOD BLESS

“I’m… not a giant man” “good” AAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!

THEY CONTINUE KISSING EVEN AS MARVIN STARTS SINGING OVER ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE STAGE AND THEN THEY HUG THIS IS V IMPORTANT INFORMATION

“a tight-knit family reprise”:

mendel is so??? happy???? marvin pls let him live

“king of the losers” “at eighty an hour” the camera man was just ON MENDEL like. yes my boy deliver it

“I just got a family” “the family was mine” still fuckin gets me. damn. mendel is so happy and just?? full of bliss at his new life??? and marvin is so… act one marvin… you get me

“march of the falsettos”: 

Excellent

bran uran’s voice sounded so strained my poor boy

whizzer: “stop pulling my shorts!” marvin: “they’re so hard to take off!” oh my god

whizzer screaming into the void for the blocks to be thrown up like: “hit me! another one!” 

the finger thing with marvin and whizzer? yeah that happened. they both gasped in fear

“the chess game”

bitch it was t e n s e

idk andrew rannells made the choice to call marvin “man” a whole bunch in this production and??? ok

after marvin storms off, whizzer is like “mARVIN” still in that growly voice from the last “life’s a sham” (nice) and he starts to say “it was just a g—” and then he sees marvin and goes. quiet

also from midway through this song until the end of act one, andrew rannells has this big Curl of Messy Hair in the middle of his forehead and I’m sorry but it was a blessed sight

“making a home”

hi the little zooms on whizzer? unpacking his suitcase in the corner? being sad? broke my heart, thanks

“could he love me?” the angle of the shot had happy mendel in front and whizzer kind of behind him off to the side and stop this, camera crew, stop

for “the games I play” I have no words. andrew did so good. so good. he was so sad. and he hIT those high notes yES boy. the audience clapped a bit after this one

“marvin hits trina”

he just barges into their house and starts yelling and tears up their wedding invitation like holy fuck marvin, what is ur damage

“I am so dumb.” and there is the longest silence as he walks all the way around before he starts his Lil Rampage

the actual Hit was p quiet but that’s what makes it all the more poignant, because you can hear trina’s little cry of shock and pain, and it takes her a second to bring a hand up to her cheek

after the Hit someone behind me in the audience just. let out an audible breath, like the wind got knocked out of them, and I was like. same bitch

“I never wanted to love you”

EVERYONE. ON STAGE. WAS CRYING. 

the mood of this musical changes so quickly when it gets to this song and it’s. Good. like it cleaves my heart in twain don’t think it doesn’t but it’s. good

trina needs a fucking hug (and mendel is going to give her 20)

“how do I start… not to love you” FUCK

whenever marvin looks at jason tbh my heart hurts bye. which bRINGS US TO

“father to son”

the pure adoration and faint amusement on marvin’s face as his son is all like “I think… girls are” like it’s so cUTE

near the end as marvin was singing about love the camera just showed us whizzer? sitting alone in the dark? leaning his head on a corner of the Cube™? how dare you

anyway christian borle was crying and so was I

act two time because there was no intermission which was…  not great to be honest oops

“falsettoland”

bran uran had little glow sticks in each hand and at “homosexuals” he just pointed at the audience and the music stalled as he just waved about at them like “YALL ARE ALL GAY JUST TAKE IT”

“and a teeny tiny band” a bunch of little paper cutouts of the band rose up from the Band Area Void and bran uran did a little dance to incite people to love and cherish the band (always love and cherish the band guys they’re so good they do such a good job)

“nancy reagan” andrew slapped the blow up doll so hard lmao

“spiky lesbians” EVERYONE CHEERED AND I WAS LIKE DAMN RIGHT

in “about time” marvin holds jason close and is like “as mature as my son who is tHIS TALL!! that’s all!!” and you really can see… just how much he’s changed, my boy,

“year of the child”:

anthony rosenthal is the cutest kid alive

his little dance between his parents as they’re all like “my chiiiiild” is. just. incredible

“I’ll bring women from the wrong side of the tracks” mendel says out of the corner of his mouth, as he tucks jason under his arm and leads him away, like a bad influence

“the baseball game”

when whizzer first appeared and marvin was all “what is he doing here??” he hid behind charlotte while simultaneously trying to get a good look at whizzer and it was. adorable

whenever marvin touched whizzer’s hair, whizzer couldn’t keep the smile off his face. I’m deceased

“how would I know… without him… my life would be flat as a lake” ok but who is responsible for this lmao

“would it be possible to see you or to…......... kiss you” BASHFUL MARVIN I REPEAT BASHFUL MARVIN

“a day in falsettoland”

“yEEEESSS IiiIiiIII dOOOooOoO” u already know it was perfect, I don’t need to tell you

charlotte pulled cordelia in with the apron and their part of the stage went dark but they kissed, they did, saw it with my own two gay little eyes

“what more can I say”

TOO… SOFT… HELP

andrew had his leggy out

before whizzer rolled over he?? gave marvin a lil kiss on the cheek? it was really audible????? I’m???

when marvin looked under the sheet, instead of his customary simple eyebrow waggle, this man Dared to laugh in delight along with the audience like “yes I love this boy he is mine and I am his and that’s incredible”

ALSO AT THE END when they both just cuddle into each other they… kissed each other’s faces a bunch… h e lp me

“something bad is happening”

charlotte is so upset and I am upset because hERE WE GO

“more racquetball”

the costume department is full of geniuses tbh like the loosening of whizzer’s costume? genuinely just looked like the poor man had lost a bunch of weight

he fell so hard and abruptly and something in me fell with him

“I’m sorry” HIS FACE CRUMPLED AND HE STARTED CRYING

“days like this”

someone forgot to turn on andrew’s mic at the beginning so his mouth said “good morning” but you couldn’t hear it

“kid you’re looking very good today” whizzer just gives a self-deprecating smile and he. he Knows. 

cordelia’s laugh is the cutest thing I’ve ever heard in my life

“I’ll let you win, whizzer” “don’t let me win…” “I’ll let you win” I’m really upset, whizzer looked so… wrecked

at the end of “cancelling the bar mitzvah” mendel’s fucking “why don’t we tell him that we don’t have the answers” whole thing got me w r e c k e d. he says those lines like a man who knows how awful it is, but he knows how true it is, and he’s helpless to stop it

“unlikely lovers”

“marvin? did you hear what I said?” they were both crying, you could hear the tears in andrew’s voice, and christian borle kept… sobbing… between his lines… 

like when marvin stopped singing and cordelia/charlotte were at the door he just had to crumple for a moment and just lie there shaking?? a broken man?? just to recuperate for the next bit of the song? kill me

the way marvin looks people in the eye and just says “I love you” with the softest voice. god

so “something bad is happening reprise”: charlotte sang this directly to marvin, a steadying hand on his elbow, peering into his eyes past her own film of tears to make sure he understands what she’s saying. and he does. and he just turns away and walks off

“you gotta die sometime”

when he swung his legs out of bed his voice broke from the effort

he got really choked up after the second verse and he was openly crying by the end of it (still killed it tho, my boy)

this is my favourite song but I can’t watch anyone sing it ever

“jason’s bar mitzvah”

jason rushes in, bubbly and cheerful, and andrew is still fucking sobbing and it takes him a while to come down from it and everything hurts

“don’t know why, but he looks… like marvin” fucking crying already and then there’s a little pause, jason is really agitated, and marvin just whispered something like “hey you got this” and I WEPT

marvin kissed jason’s head. he loves this boy so much

whizzer also kissed jason’s head??? jason has so many dads who all love him so much

whizzer’s “thank you” was just a whisper but it rang through the theatre and then it was so quiet. I could not breathe in the space after whizzer’s final line. (I mean I was sobbing but I was real quiet about it)

“what would I do”

andrew was crying, christian was crying, I was crying, it was beautiful tho

whizzer just walks out in his pristine white shirt and it’s. it’s poignant. it’s such a stark contrast from the last time we saw him, it hits really hard

“I’d like to believe that I’d do it again and again and again” the crescendo that christian puts in these lines leading to that really Powerful last “again” shakes me to my fucking core (and yeah, makes me cry, you guessed it)

“we’re just gonna skip that stage” it sounded like it hurt to say that. it hurt to hear it too

just in general there’s this softness to christian borle’s voice when it’s live that’s not really there in the cast recording but it’s really, really beautiful

whizzer gives him one last, sad, little smile before the lights change

there were three men sitting beside me and my mother and they were all sobbing

“falsettoland reprise”

marvin buried his face in his hands for most of this, but there were moments where he didn’t, where he tried to be strong in the face of his loss. he couldn’t do it anymore once they put the gravestone down. 

to be honest i could barely see jason put the chess piece down because everything was too blurry from my tears

as my mother put it, “there was no catharsis at the end. it was really, really sad. but it was realistic about that, about death, and love, and everything.”

20000000/10 would watch again, please release a dvd