sincerelylaureen

[sincerelylaureen]

Sometimes I wish porn didn’t exist.

[sincerelylaureen]

I feel dumb when I don’t get an I love you back :(

[sincerelylaureen]

Everything will be okay.

When I’m having a bad day I pray for Dylan and I. We’re strong. We’re gonna make ourselves proud. And live life in between all the crazy. ❤️

[sincerelylaureen]

Thanksgiving 2021 ❤️🦃  (will go into detail of these soon!!)

My loves came over for Thanksgiving! 

-eating

-bike ride

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-checking out apartments the next morning

-ulta

-changing oil

-berts/shopping at Berts 

-chino hills / 7 leaves boba/ sushi/vans

-dicks sporting goods

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-went tool shopping at Home Depot but before we attempted Harbor freight 

-went home and drove our bikes a little bit and took a photo

-drove do Dylans house 

-opened up all of his tools!! 

-talked to devlin and jess outside with the baby

-ate Thai food!

-went around Ramona and he took me on the Old Julian Highway

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-woke up and went on a BEAUTIFUL drive my loves wanted to show me through Julian and alpine on Sunset highway!!! (mention his comment about simplicity)

[sincerelylaureen]

My loves is coming to the house tomorrow! He’s currently driving to get Taco Bell… it’s 12am, I pray for his safety always. 😩

[sincerelylaureen]

Saturday, November 13, 2021 ❤️

Today was such an eventful day!!

We started out going to the store to get Dylan his bbq chicken sandwich. Then we went to the Indian store in San Marcos, and Harley Davidson. There was a little mini dirt bike looking one in there (Indian) that I wanted but it wasn’t for sale. The merchandise was top tier quality though lol. The Harley Davidson store was in the back but it was packed! There was a freaking barbecue going on. It was a vibe for sure.

Then we went to eat sushi at this place called Hooked on Sushi. It was honestly pretty good, Dylan tried my sushi roll and didn’t gag LOL thank goodness, bless his heart for trying to try new things for me and with me :,) 

After that we went to another motorcycle store! It was called Fun Bike Center. The guy who tried to help was nice, he talked to Dylan for a bit. I love when they talk to Dylan cause he knows so much and can keep a conversation going and it’s wholesome too. I saw a Yamaha bike I thought looked cool too. After that upon figuring out where to go we stumbled across this place called Miramar Motorsports and when I tell you I freaking flipped out when I saw the vintage Toyotas I did!!! I wanted that 1990′s Land Cruiser omggggg. Dude this place was sick. They had old 4-runners too!

After that we were low-key dying from the heat because my car didn’t have AC so we went to a gas station real quick. We quickly decided to go do an escape room but since we had an hour to kill we went to GP Motorsports! We did the usual--went in that little room with the used bikes and sat on them lol. He loves his Guzzi. He said if he had the money he’d buy it right back. 

Escape room time! We had 3 other people with us which were great at it. It was my first time and it was so cool! It was funny because Dylan was contributing by finding the little mask things that had clues lol. I don’t think I did a bad job, but the other 3 friends definitely carried that entire thing. LOL. 

Guess what? Our day wasn’t over! We ended the night watching Eternals!!! Yo that movie was SO good. I loved it and I know Dylan did too. I got Dots to eat and I felt bad cause one melted and fell on Dylan’s shirt lol poor baby. Later that night I ended up purchasing the necklace Sersi wore. LOL. After this we shared a hot Cheeto burrito at El Patron across the street which was delicious too :) 

Overall today was SO eventful!!! More than usual! It was truly a date and spontaneous. I loved doing everything with my loves, and I love him!!!

[sincerelylaureen]

Dylan just referred to Manong Mark as MANONG MARK 😭😭 it was so cute!!

Omg and now he just laughed and called me Manang Laureen this is so CUTE. SO CULTURED. 😭😭

[sincerelylaureen]

Sunday, November 7, 2021 ❤️

We went on a trip yesterday to Slab City and Biddeford Springs! From 9am ish to 4pm we drove around and explored and at least for me we enjoyed each others company! I took a mental picture of him driving with his hand on the wheel and the other on my leg. It was so nice of him to show me where he’s been. I loved every minute of it. We stopped by Love’s gas station lol I was like hey das mah loves gas station 😂 we tried to control our sugar intake. I thought it was so funny when Dylan was like “loves are you okay” and then I’m just like dude I feel like shit and he’s like “probably cause we haven’t been eating good. We had a burrito last night, a burrito for breakfast, candy for lunch…” 😂😂😂 it sounded bad lol

When we were in Salvation mountain we did one of those claps for the tiktok video! And then when we drove to slab city we decided to check out the library and it was craaazy! Old, dusty, you can technically do whatever you want in there. Even smoke weed. 😂 Dylan was like damn I wish I brought a joint. LOL.

Then we went to Borrego Springs and checked out some sculptures! From t-rexes to grasshoppers to boars to turtles, it was so cool! I was impressed everything was actually welded. I loved sharing this moment with my loves.

Later that evening we got back and chilled at the house for a bit. I took a shower while he lied on the bed. On the drive to ULTA we got some Thai tea and then after that there was a moment… so we were talking about the moon and it’s size and he asked me a few questions on it and I responded very short and direct and just in a way that makes you not want to talk to that person. So he was quiet until we had to drive back.

We ended up talking again and then in the room after a little bit we had a conversation about me being interested in him because there are times where I seem like I don’t to him. thinking about it now I see where he’s coming from and I end up beating myself up about it and not wanting to talk about it more but… sometimes I think of things I want to do and I get stressed and I’m scared of the future. What I’m gonna do with my life, the pressure I feel to want to pass and give back to my parents because they’re not getting any younger. To spend time with them, to spend time with Dylan when we’re together. I think of Dylan and if he loves me because I put myself in a bad mood with the past and what he did and stuff like with girls and stuff… I try to keep in my mind that he just uses them for a moment for pleasure and that’s it. I also rationalize it with the fact that we don’t see each other often and he told me… this is what I always try to repeat with myself when I think of him and other girls is he told me when we’re together do I give you any hint at all or show you that I’m talking or interested in other women? I say no you don’t, and then he said because he doesn’t and that’s what I should focus on and that he loves me. It still just hurts thinking about some girls and not looking like that. I trust Dylan, it’s just that this idea puts me down and I think about it randomly sometimes so that’s also a reason.

I love and miss my loves every day and I want to focus more on living in the moment when I’m with him (or anyone really) that I love and care about. We have one life. I have the control over my emotions. I love him and I want him to know that. He’s amazing and I care about him so much and I wish he knew how sorry I am for being a bad girlfriend.

[sincerelylaureen]

I called him today and I was scared in the end he wasn’t going to say I love you but he did.

[sincerelylaureen]

I just got one “miss you”.

[sincerelylaureen]

Whenever Dylan and I don’t talk as much because we’re busy I always feel like he’s gonna get bored of me and he’s gonna look for somebody else and that he won’t like me anymore or look at other girls and stuff 😔

[sincerelylaureen]

Friday, October 22, 2021

I should really post here again more! So many memories with my loves made. Here’s pictures from today that made me smile. 🥰❤️

[sincerelylaureen]

She posted a mirror photo and zoomed in on her boobs and her crotch area with a bikini on.. I know that’s what he probably likes to see. Plus her skin tone is nice, it looks smooth and her area is all the same color and not discolored like mine.

I need help. I need reassurance. I don’t not think I’m attractive but it’s hard when you know your boyfriend thinks someone else is attractive and asks/pays to see things of theirs, you know?

It’s whatever i guess.

[sincerelylaureen]

Something adorable Dylan did was he called exfoliating beads, sprinkles 🥺😭💓

[sincerelylaureen]

“You should do onlyfans”

Kinda scarred lol. He might not even subscribe to me.

I get sad when we start talking like THAT but then he just disappears and I’m like ok you can just do it then and finish and then he just wishes me a goodnight. Like ok I can’t do it with you or do you not feel comfortable talking like that with me or lol. I’m petite, she’s petite. Sounds stupid but I know Dylan doesn’t like bigger nipples and I know she doesn’t have that and he likes it probably.

You know if I think about it my perception of what I look like changed if I compare myself to her and it stinks. If he calls her beautiful or gorgeous too then how’s that special for me. 😔

[sincerelylaureen]

I feel terrible

Welp, he actually paid for stuff from her… like 50+$. For her boobs and he even asked for a front photo lol horniness is crazy I guess

I did that to myself and I went over his boundaries. That’s my fault. But idk if it was good that I saw that? Oh well. I’ll be okay. I’m me and nobody can be me. But on the other hand I don’t feel good enough because she’s apparently also “beautiful” and has “beautiful breasts” too 😔 he probably likes her because she’s “petite”. She doesn’t have big boobs, she’s athletic, and has a big butt

[sincerelylaureen]

Brought up how I felt about that girl…

Turns out they were classmates in a couple of grades. I told him I had a feeling she was the one he bought the only fans for and I was right. He told me not to worry. He said he doesn’t like girl who live that extravagant lifestyle. I mean, it isn’t about the lifestyle. Honestly in the moment I laughed it off and I asked him casually like so you look at her photos when you were horny? And he said yeah… and he said it didn’t mean anything… thinking about it now I’m kinda like… 🙁 it doesn’t sit right with me just cause they were friends and… idk whatever. I see she’s obviously hot and has a nice body and has that seductive look guys go for and she knows how to do her hair and make up and dresses nice. Sigh