#it is an experience that i cannot describe

[whateversawesome]

Spy x Family Ch. 110: Is Donovan Desmond a Mind Reader and Most Importantly, Is Twilight Doomed?

Nah.

Twilight isn't doomed, this isn't the end. Calm down, there's no need to panic about that.

Think about it for a second, if Donovan Desmond could read minds, the SSS would have arrested Twilight the minute he said bye to Desmond on that first meeting.

A few months ago, when we saw a young Donovan Desmond appear, I did a poll/analysis about whether or not he could read minds.

Even after the most recent chapter, my opinion is still the same: No, he can't.

Some people think that maybe he can get a glimpse into people's past. Although that would be a super awesome power (and it would be one hell of a plot), I don't think it's the case, because that wouldn't really tell him much and I don't think it would have affected him to the point of forcing him to distance himself from everyone.

I do have a theory about him. I've mentioned it before but here it is again:

I think he can tell when someone is lying.

Yup. That's it. A human lie detector. It made sense a few months ago, it makes even more sense now.

It fits his personality, his fixation with liars as a child, it also fits the theme of the whole story (everyone is a liar in sxf, everyone has something to hide) and most importantly, it fits his behavior.

We know that Donovan Desmond did not initiate war with Westalis. Chapman was Prime Minister when the war started and Desmond followed after him. There's a big chance war ended while Desmond was in power. If I'm not mistaken, the war has been over for about 10 years. I have the feeling that Desmond may have launched Project Apple as a means to protect peace.

And how would someone who is obsessed with lies do that? Of course, by wanting to know how others really think at all times.

My guess is that he volunteered himself to participate in the experiments, that would also explain the scars he has on each side of his head (which he didn't have as a child). It's unlikely he was a war veteran, because politicians and people in office never go into a battlefield, so he didn't get those scars in battle.

I think he really tried to obtain mindreading abilities and he failed, but not completely.

Imagine how it would be to have that awareness of people lying ALL THE TIME. How awful it must have been for him to get this power and realize than even his family, the people he felt closest to were lying to him. I think that's the reason why he isolated from everyone. It also fits what Melinda describe in the last chapter:

Let's look at that Desmond family dinner from that perspective. He cannot read minds but he can tell his wife is lying (because she's scared of him and doesn't want to be there!). It also makes sense that Demetrius keeps his mind blank because he suspects his father knows what he's thinking, so he's train himself to not think in front of others.

His behavior shows a person who has completely lost faith in humanity. He pushed everyone away because he didn't want any more lies, and to protect himself but, by doing this, he also ended up hurting his wife to such an extent that she doesn't recognize him anymore.

Since another theme of sxf is getting closer to and relying on people while forming bonds despite their masks and lies, I can totally see this could be Donovan's story, also parallel to Twilight's by the way: You can distance yourself from others to protect yourself but it'll be a lonely life.

Yes, Donovan is safe, guarded from everyone's lies, but he's also missing out on his family's love and also on the possibility of changing the world for the best.

Twilight is going in exactly the opposite direction of him. He's becoming alive, tearing those walls down, learning to rely on others, and loving his family.

Another Important Thing to Consider...

Everyone is so worried about Donovan Desmond possible mindreading powers that no one has mentioned one very important thing: Twilight's purpose for Operation Strix!

THIS is what WISE and Twilight really want to do: to find information that would allow them to remove people who seek war from power.

It's one hell of a strategy and a tough one for sure. And I agree; scandal, especially in such a conservative society like Ostania could do a lot of damage to politicians like Desmond, parties like the National Unity Party, and institutions like the SSS.

It wouldn't surprise me if at some point in the story it actually works. However, I don't think Westalis is as clean as we think. Food for thought.

[pali-and-proud]

Finale Thoughts

This is a very special thank you to all the Fast Passers. Y'all did amazing, truly, because I actively read anything and everything without any attempt to shield my eyes from spoilers and I still knew nothing. This post is dedicated to you guys.

Alright guys. You know the drill. Get the hot coco and strap in.

Lets start with Deacon:

Deacon acknowledging that Chase is more likely to interact well with Buddy is actually so good to see. It's so nice to see Deacon prioritize Prunella's safety and to be more comfortable with being put in "lesser" positions, like babysitting! (Think back to sick! Chase, and look at how far Deacon's grown)

Deacon and Prunella's talk: Prunella calling out Deacon for always talking about being great instead of just being great. That's so good, genuinely--Prunella shrugging and being self-confident and Deacon finally really hearing it. He needs to just be what he wants.

Deacon's relationship with horses symbolizing his frustrations with his inability to control his life was NOT something I expected and I openly applauded. That's brilliant.

Don't be mistaken: Deacon sacrificed himself. He knew the risks of making the horse play bridge. He watched the horse fall victim to the spread of the pages. The horse was still neighing when it's legs started to turn--Deacon could have yelled, but he didn't, because he was too focused trying to make sure that Chase and Prunella, at least, could escape.

The speech Buddy gave him, which I will reference so many times, about there being a time to be the hero and a time to be the helper, is SO applicable. Deacon "is happy to help." He isn't trying to be the hero, and he isn't trying for glory, and he just wants his cousin and his friend-ish to be safe. And it's specifically when he's not trying to be the hero that he ends up being the hero, by taking control of the reigns and getting Prunella to Chase and risking his life. He follows Bronze and Prunella's advice, and listens to the speech, and listens to himself: He stops asking for permission. He steps up. He becomes the hero.

Cannot wait to see Deacon's reaction when Chase undoubtedly tells him how they escaped. I can't decide if Chase is immediately going to say "Buddy and I kissed" or if he's going to say "I figured out an escape and stop asking questions" but no matter what, Deacon's going to be squinting at his cousin and groaning.

ALSO can't wait to see how this arc impacts his relationship with his parents. Like I'm so excited. A Deacon that's more confident being able to step forward and say "No, I don't want to devote my life to something I'll actively hate. That's ridiculous." might be the end of me ngl, I love him.

Prunella!

Prunella my love

Prunella my LOVE

She has this confidence that we only see falter twice: when she struggles with the other kids, and right now. And in both situations, she didn't know what to do, and she was in over her head, and she reminded us that she's just a KID

Her arc has been the exact opposite of Deacon's, and it's so cool to watch them both experience opposite lessons in the same arc. Deacon learning how to step forward and lead while Prunella learns how to step back and follow.

Prunella hearing, constantly, about how dangerous the books are and finally SEEING the books as dangerous. Prunella finally understanding why Deacon was so strict about the books she could travel in, because most of their worst-case scenarios came true in a single swoop.

Prunella also has not met Buddy yet. She saw him, described him as the mean guy, and then perished. Truly an icon.

I am so convinced that Prunella and Buddy would be friends. Even if it starts rocky, I think they both enjoy humbling the Hollow boys too much to not grow to like the other's presence. I can't believe I have to wait for season 2 to get confirmation of this but I am going to be so smug when I am correct

Chase:

CHASE

CHASE EVERETT HOLLOW i have never in my life ever loved a character like I love Chase. I talk so much about Buddy but that is me being a wing-woman, Chase my love Chase, I love him so much

Fun fact I didn't even like Buddy until the first Cinderella story. I was so convinced I wouldn't like him, but I resigned myself to cheering for Stargoth anyway (I was part of the Canvas/Discover Squad, i had a LOT of hiss hiss Buddy) solely because if Buddy made Chase happy then sure I'll accept it, and now i adore Buddy, Punko is just that good

Every single moment of Chase in this arc stole my attention. every single panel. God I could do a dive longer and deeper than my Buddy analysis but exclusively on Chase during the finale arc. i could do it exclusively on Chase during the finale. I could do it on any singular panel.

Chase being guilty about lying to Buddy alone was heart-wrenching, but Chase literally only got more and more heartbreaking. Him constantly trying to help everyone--the keys, for example, with a resort for them to enjoy--only for things to go wrong--the resort, for example, drowning the book. He just wants to HELP

Buddy was 100% correct in calling out Chase for pinning the blame on Deacon, but what he didn't realize is Chase wasn't trying to do that. Chase truly felt terrible, and he truly wanted to apologize, and him bringing up Deacon was him being honest and factual because he did argue with Deacon about it, but he did end up listening to Deacon. And Buddy gets more frustrated because Chase is misunderstanding the problem--it isn't Chase hiding Prunella, it's Chase refusing to trust Buddy

And when you think about it. Chase absolutely has no reason to. Chase doesn't even know his name WHICH I WILL TALK ABOUT LATER bc kdjfherigh but! In Chase's eyes, yeah why would he. He's literally desperate to have Buddy prove that hes legit and good and kind and Buddy keeps shoving that away (Buddy saving Deacon's life and then pointedly not mentioning that, for example).

It's also the fact that Chase is trying so hard to stay optimistic despite such extreme levels of guilt. It's the fact that he stays clutching to that persona of optimism even after seeing paper! Deacon and Prunella, and it's only when he's staring at a bleeding Buddy that the full situation sinks in

Chase finally breaking. Oh my God you dont know how long I was waiting to see Chase splinter apart. This is a kid trying to do the impossible, and every single time something goes wrong, he feels like it's his fault. The book got destroyed? Buddy got betrayed? Admitting that he doesn't trust Buddy? Getting way less narratonin than Deacon or Prunella? He blames himself for all of it, first and foremost, and it's finally on full display

Chase even trying to send Buddy away? Pushing and pushing because he is so desperate to save someone, anyone, even though that's literally a death sentence for him. And he doesn't hesitate, either--it's practically instinct, even though Chase would never agree to leave if the roles had been reversed.

And like...augh Buddy hugging Chase, and Chase hugging him back? That was painful enough, but you add in Chase admitting that he doesn't want Buddy to leave?

This is not the post for me to point at Chase and accuse him of abandonment issues, but know that I am pointing at Chase and I am accusing him of abandonment issues. I am looking at him feeling hurt that Deacon left him in the Toffee arc, I am looking at him constantly repeating that he's not going anywhere, I am looking at him running to apologize to Buddy after spending so much time bitter about Buddy avoiding him, I am looking at his avoidance of talking about his mom in situations where "My mom is dying and this is important to me" would be really helpful, and I am thinking accusations

But anyway

Chase and his abandonment issues: literally all he wants is for someone to stay, safely and securely. His mom, Deacon, Silver, Buddy, even his dance partner. He's always at risk of losing someone, and he's about to lose everything, and all he can do is admit that he just wants Buddy to stay, because he's scared

Chase you are my sun you are my stars you are my whole solar system I will give you the world

Also, I absolutely knew the repeated comments about Chase being an idiot would get to him. Chase is SMART, guys. He's perceptive. He knows when he messes up, and he tries to look past the mistake and into how to rectify it, but that doesn't mean he isn't aware that he did something wrong. And people (Buddy) kept snapping that he was stupid, or an idiot, or ridiculous, bc Chase would make a mistake (or stick by a decision), and he would NOTICE that people thought it was ridiculous. He just didn't care, because he was either sticking with it, or trying to fix it.

And he DOES. He notices the words in the sky, realizes the solution, figures out the entire thread behind the stories (they want to be enjoyable and they want to have a good ending), and explains it all to Buddy. Chase figured it out, because he's so much smarter than everyone assumes.

Anyway Buddy hugging Chase and telling him he can stay a while longer (this is a scene burned into my heart) (more on that later) and telling him he's not stupid and that he's trying his best is SO important. This might be the first time in the entire story that someone finally sees Chase. Someone finally prioritizing Chase and putting Chase's wellbeing first and telling Chase yeah sure maybe you messed up but you're doing the impossible every single day and you're TRYING.

And for it to be Buddy? Like ignore the romance entirely--if someone who always insults you and is notoriously difficult to please tells you "No, you're not stupid. You're trying your best" while hugging you? thats the most sincere thing in the world. that's tears immediately.

Chase suggesting kissing is also askdjns because (again, ignore the romance part of it)--he always skips the kissing scenes. We know thats because he wanted to save his first kiss, and he's the one who offered. Yeah, okay, sure, it was life or death, but Chase didn't hesitate, and didn't weigh his options, and didn't even consider saying "a kiss on the forehead would probably suffice." guy went straight for "i need the mouth to mouth"

the grin. The bright eyes. the pressing fingers to his lips. He's so happy, so genuinely happy.

I truly, truly, TRULY cannot wait to see what this means for our idiots. I can't wait for someone to try to have a conversation and for someone else to not want a conversation, or for them to be so awkward with each other, or for Deacon to want to skin them both, or for WHATEVER turn this takes. And im SO happy for Chase.

Buddy:

I wrote this whole thing and it just deleted. i am furious

NOX

NOX I LOVE THAT NAME NOX NOX NOX

Punko i cant believe you were worried we wouldnt like it. nox nox nox nox nox i love that

okay first: the two theories for key Nox, as they are rn, are 1) that Nox has always been the villain key, or 2) that Nox was tricked/manipulated/experimented into becoming the villain key.

1) If he'd always been the villain key, it makes sense why he never told Chase his name. Chase would have immediately told Silver and company, who would have had to stare at Chase and ask them if he had a crush on their brother

1) if he'd always been the villain key, his distrust of Chase could be explained by him distrusting all humans. This would follow course with him also being frustrated by Deacon, which yes was partly because of jealousy but also partly because Deacon was a new key holder.

1) ALSO of course he was a nightmare about Chase with the key--he had no reason to believe Chase would treat the keys well. it's also possible that he knew Silver had a crack, and thats why he helped Chase in the first cinderella book--so that Chase could meet Silver.

2) if he BECAME the villain key, it makes sense why he never asked Chase details about his key. Why he never asked about Silver or Bronze, or if they were okay, or how they were settling, despite routinely trying to get details about other factors of Chase's life. He assumes Chase is selfish, true, but he doesn't ever accuse Chase of being cruel with them.

2) if he BECAME the villain key, the line of "Don't you want to be human again" holds a lot of power. Yes, it's possible that the keys were once people and Nox wants to go back to that, but its been CENTURIES.

2) if he was always the villain key, the line of "Don't you want to be human again" would be applicable to all the keys, bc it would assume they were all human once (obligatory Keys are People Too mention, it's an amazing ao3 fic by incomple shoo go read it). Silver, Bronze, AND Goldie never mentioned that, and Punko likely would have foreshadowed it earlier.

2) if he BECAME the villain key, it makes sense why he wasn't included in the dream Silver had! Where she dreamt about her family!

2) if he BECAME the villain key, his constant reference of Silver as "the key" or as "it" also makes sense. Earlier, like episode three or so, he mentions needing to get Silver back before the old man returns. It's Silver specifically, without mentioning trying to track down anyone else.

2) if he BECAME the villain key, his name being objectively different from the other keys makes sense. Silver, Bronze, and Goldie were all named after the metal they were made from! Violet is purple! Yes, Nox means night, and yes, Nox has a moon on his back, but if Goldie isn't called Sunny, then I would argue Nox's name should count as way more subtle than everyone else's.

anyway theres a lot of points on either aspect

I could do into the character growth of Buddy, but I'm actually going to focus on the hug. Not the kiss, even though it's nice to see the fixation on Chase's hair stays strong, but Buddy immediately recognizing a hug is needed and immediately giving him one.

Buddy love language is touch, or something

Chase says "I think we need to kiss" and there's not a single arguement from Nox's lips. He literally stares at the sky, turns slowly, and goes "Not a problem"

actually the whole "I've never been the hero. Not even in my own story" goes so strong when you remember the speech he gave Deacon about needing to act as the hero, the helper, and whatever other role when need be. Nox was given the chance to be the hero, and he took it. "I'd like to be your hero" isn't just a romantic one-liner to preface a kiss--it's Nox genuinely saying that he wants the happy ending that Chase always skips. And Chase, this time, doesn't skip it.

Nox, returning back to his space with Violet, immediately says he doesn't think he can keep doing this. But he wants to be a human, more than ever, which implies that "keep doing this" isn't just travelling into the stories, but doing something additional. Something that, we can infer, is hurting Chase.

i am wrapping this up its snowing outside and i cant feel my fingers, how do you snow people do this

if you read all of this! grab a treat <3 hope you enjoyed and love you all

[lavenderpanic]

On "Is Hannibal... in love with me?"

OKAY WAIT i had this thought while falling asleep last night and maybe i'm not the first to think about it but idk if i've ever seen someone discussing it.

"Is Hannibal... in love with me?" is probably one of the best-known and also most-clowned lines from the show. Because, to us and to almost every other character in the series, it's obvious Hannibal loves Will. Will sounds almost ridiculously naïve in asking, after the entirety of the events of the series, if Hannibal loves him, with so much incredulity and trepidation in his tone.

But at the end of the day, Hannibal is a psychopath, as Will describes him, and the general consensus on psychopaths is that they cannot experience love (by a non-psychopath's standards). So his question actually makes quite a bit more sense when you take it from that angle.

It's still funny to me, because like... Will. Come on. Whatever Hannibal feels for you is fucking obvious to anyone who has ever seen the two of you interact. But definitely something interesting to consider.

[carly-r-arnold]

I remember being in the Heartstopper fandom when there were, I kid you not, only 45 works for Nick and Charlie and now? there's over 7,000 and words cannot describe how happy I am to see all these people connecting over these characters and their stories. I love these idiots and I'm so happy to experience them with everyone

[riality-check]

hi, love your viktor fic! since you say you find him easy to write and you feel like you've really got his speech down, could you give some advice on how to write his dialogue/these unique dialogue things you say you've noticed? I've watched the show 3 times but still find him so hard to write!

Anon, you have no idea the yapping you've unleashed. I love discussing the intricacies of speech, and I love discussing Viktor, so strap in and prepare for quite the long post.

Don't feel bad about not getting his voice down! Character voice is difficult, and it's even more difficult to maintain consistently. I have it a bit easier; I have a knack for memorizing speech patterns very well. So, once I metaphorically store the file in my brain, it's pretty easy to test all my writing for the "he would not fucking say that" phenomenon.

In my opinion, Viktor's speech can be summarized - though this is quite the reductionist summary - as having a lot of the same quirks as that of those who learn English in a schoolroom setting. He speaks very "standard" (in quotes because I don't feel like getting into the linguistic debate over that categorization right now) English. This entails a lot of things; for Viktor, this manifests as speaking in a register that is slightly more formal than many other characters in the show.

(Of course, these phenomena transcend learning English specifically. I actually run into them frequently when I speak Italian. But because the show is in English, I'm taking English as Viktor's assumed second language and will be using that reference throughout this post.)

Specific ways that manifests in my writing for him are outlined below. There are a lot, but I've listed my top three for brevity's sake.

No contractions

This one is difficult for me! I naturally write how I speak, which means I frequently clip my words. Plus, most of the characters' whose POVs I write from have very casual speech. Viktor is the exception. Changing your "can't"s to "cannot"s, your "didn't"s to "did not"s, etc. will help you achieve that slightly more formal register that Viktor tends to speak in. It's a bit of a pain, and it feels strange at first, but to me, it's one of the simplest ways to get your writing on the way to sounding more like Viktor.

Minimize your slang (and swearing)

I'm mostly taking this one from the "crank it" scene. A lot of second language learners aren't specifically taught slang in their target language; they have to learn it as they go. In that scene, Viktor encounters a phrase that is new to him, hesitates, understands, and then adopts it. Slang, for Viktor, is acquired. Demonstrating that in your fic rather than having him use it completely organically like a native English speaker would is another way to get your dialogue more in character for him.

Additionally, to my knowledge, Viktor doesn't swear in the show. I do have him swear in my fic, but extremely sparingly and only in cases of extreme emotion. Second language speakers (in my personal experience) are rarely taught profanity on purpose, and it often takes a while to use it fluently in their target language. So if you're having Viktor swear, do it sparingly, or write it out in whatever real world analog you think his native language is for some fun flavor!

Use specific verbs

There's a writing post I saw a while ago but cannot locate that describes this better than I could. The gist of this is to eliminate verbs such as "is," "has," "seems," etc. in favor of more specific verbs. This is less of an "English as a second language" quirk and more of a "Viktor is intelligent and Academy-educated" quirk. Viktor is precise and specific with his words whenever he speaks. Some examples of this that I've used have been "permits" instead of "lets," "inquires" instead of "asks," "fabricate" instead of "make." This also extends to nouns; "quandary" instead of "problem" is taken straight from the show. Using some of those higher-register words is very reminiscent of Viktor.

I hope this helped, anon!! This was super fun for me to make, and if anyone else has any additions, pls add on to this post!!

[florenceisfalling]

Just curious… are there any examples you can imagine of male privilege enjoyed by pre/non-T trans men that may not be automatically perceived as male? From one of these people to the other :3. Or is this mostly about those who largely pass as male?

hi derek!! good question ..

the thing 2 remember here is that trans men having male privilege does not cancel out their transness - i do not believe that trans men are more privileged than cis women. you ever see people talking about sexism and then someone brings up "but what about disabled/gay/poor men? what about men of color?" - ignoring the fact that disabled/gay/poor women and women of color have to experience the same bigotry compounded with sexism? same kind of deal generally applies. i don't think trans men have privileges over cis women, i do think they have privileges over trans women.

for one, regardless of whether or not they pass, trans men/transmascs* are not generally subjected to the same institutional dangers trans women face. trans women experience higher rates of job rejection, severe violent crime, etc. trans women also deal with specific forms of transphobic violence like vcoding, which is when they are commonly forced into sexually abusive roles in men's prisons. the way that hypervisibility hurts trans women is especially obvious wrt men's prisons generally. look at the current transphobic executive orders - the order is described as protecting women from the expansion of what "woman" means, and even only specifies that trans women will be moved to men's prisons, not the other way around. the entire executive order is constructed on the idea that "real" women need to be protected from trans women. trans men go mostly unacknowledged in this order. while the lack of transmasc visibility has its downsides for the community, it ultimately puts trans men in a much safer position politically and socially than trans women.

pre-transition transmascs are also afforded inclusion in queer spaces that transfems aren't, which is visible in things like the terf movement. its important to look at where the idea of trans exclusionary radical feminists began - michfest, a lesbian feminist space that included trans men but excluded trans women. many terfs will proudly insist themselves that they aren't really trans-exclusionary - they're fine with cafab trans people! just not trans women. and obviously them being "fine" with transmascs is a misrepresentation- plenty of terfs infantilize trans men and act entitled to their bodies constantly -but it isn't as extreme as their choice to awkwardly separate trans women from their communities at best and fully commit to painting them as inhuman and violent predators to the point of rallying alongside conservatives for "ok groomer" shit at worst.

transmascs in queer spaces also tend to direct transphobia towards trans women. resources on transmasc modes of expression that are accessible pre-hrt, like guides to binding, are widespread. meanwhile tucking, breast forms, and other means of transfem expression are often suppressed as "nsfw". community spaces for nonbinary people are often implicitly carved out for cafabs, and nonbinary people in media are often represented solely by transmascs. many points of discourse popular in transmasc communities bring up "male and female socialization" (terf rhetoric, in fact used to exclude tgirls from michfest back in the day) rather than finding other ways to acknowledge how misogyny affects trans men. this ignores the varied experiences of transfems - many of which transitioned young and did not actually grow up in a "male" role anyway! - and implies that transfems have male privilege that they either somehow gradually lose or cannot transition out of at all. i've gone into pretty extensive detail before on how this site specifically has made being transfem a living hell, with transmascs mass-sexually harassing tgirls, #tgirl being a banned tag for a time while #tboy and #terfsafe were both fine, and online pedojacketing campaigns against transfems often spearheaded by transmascs. and im sure you're familiar with some of my own irl experiences - despite me not being transfem, the majority of people who have labeled me as such in order to harass me have been transmasc, some of them even being self identified terfs despite their own identity.

to even more directly address the passing bit: i don't enjoy being often perceived as a cis woman, and it certainly puts me in the position of having to deal with a lot of misogyny that i might experience a little less directly if i passed as a man - though passing trans men definitely deal with misogyny too, especially through things like a lack of reproductive rights. and society certainly hates what they see as "gnc women", for example the shit butch women face. but society's hatred for deviation from cisgender masculinity is bad enough that trans women don't even usually get to be seen as just "gnc men", they get entirely third-gendered about it. historically, cultures love to treat transfems as an entirely deviated social underclass- not female enough to be validated and not male enough to be seen even as broken men. there's a reason "effeminate" and "emasculated" are words that exist and hold the connotations that they do. in a world where a common and righteously-defended position is that "we must protect little cis girls from drag queens perving on them in bathrooms" or whatever, i think i'm safer in the camp considered perpetual victim than in the camp considered perpetual perpetrator.

*ofc including in the transmasc umbrella not just trans men but a variety such as she/theys with no intent on transitioning to male in the first place, like me a few years ago. this applies throughout this post

tl;dr: i don't think trans men have male privilege over cis women, especially non-passing, but i do think they have male privilege over trans women- on a statistical, social, and political basis. i think being falsely misgendered and perceived as a gnc or even conforming cis woman sucks but is still safer than being seen as the socially stigmatized third "faggot" sort of gender transfems get misgendered as.

ty for asking !

[monjustmontemp]

I think there's an aspect to which Spirit Away is a story about the struggle of dependence and independence, the value of transactions vs. emotional connections.

Chihiro is a child, is dependent on her parents, and thus cannot control much about her life. She is leaving her previous life behind through no choice of her own. If her parents go down the creepy entrance, she cannot go anywhere else except with them, or stay lonely in the car. Staying is, of course, a choice, but for a girl so young and scared, it does not feel like it.

Chihiro is then dependent in the system of the Bathhouse, she must work to survive, which is very much simply capitalism with an extra layer of supernatural threat, and a criticism. Chihiro is immediately insulted, loses her name, and her sense of identity, but also gains a new level of confidence. Living in this hostile environment makes her surer of her capabilities, even if she would be unable to use those capabilities for herself without the connections (Haku) that remind her of herself.

She then uses those capabilities to free herself, her friend, and her family from this system.

So she goes from being dependent on her family, to being dependent on a system, to being reliant on her friends, to then her friends and her family depending on her. At the end, she even calls her boss, Yubaba, granny. She recontextualizes her whole relationship with her, with this being who harmed her spiritually, who would not have let her free, who turned her parents into pigs, but gave her the means she needed to survive in this spirit world. This makes Chihiro view the whole experience, perhaps, somewhat nostalgically, like a learning experience more than a tribulation. Chihiro leaves with a new wealth in emotional connections.

The movie presents a problem, and then a solution. Capitalism will commodify you, objectify you, but you can remain human by building up your community, through which you will find and protect your identity. You can imbue non-monetary value into the world that surrounds you. Very much a No Man Is An Island message.

In there, I think, also a warning about consumerism. Chihiro's parents are changed by consuming carelessly, made entirely dependent and beholden to Yubaba, made into animals, into property (because capitalism turns living beings into objects.) No Face sees other people seek things, and so he seeks things, he consumes and consumes, but this does not make him feel fulfilled. If anything, he is sickened by it, and can only heal once he receives emotional care, in the form of Chihiro sacrificing something for his well-being (which literally makes him vomit away that which he consumed.) The workers of the bathhouse are made into meals, sell themselves out, when they take No Face's gold. The take-away there, if I had to define it, is that this attachment to things rather than people... makes you more dependent, more vulnerable, and more isolated.

I think it is easy to relate to Chihiro's fear, at both being alone and being presented with unfamiliar challenges. I find it especially easy to understand the disconnect to oneself when one is doing that which is not for oneself but due to obligation, and that finding that balance where work can be meaningful, where you can help others with it, like with the River Spirit, is the key to a self-fulfillment that also means being in harmony with society.

Like all of Studio Ghibli's movies that I've seen so far, this movie seeks to help maintain emotional health in our materialistic and hectic world. It tells us how to survive intense work cultures (like Japan's is often described as) but also tells us to escape them, which is truly universally relevant.

[wormg0rl]

"Screw freedom of speech, I wanna move to China!"

When it first began trending for Americans to switch to rednote, I downloaded the app and made a few videos describing my experience and the concerns I had.

I thought it was a poor replacement of tiktok, especially if "freedom of speech" was the goal due to how heavily censored it was.

I began to wonder- huh, what happens if this does become the "new" app for people. What happens if people do end up replacing tiktok with this app? How will the censorship affect us?

And of course, they tore me apart for even daring to try to have that conversation, saying "you don't understand!! We're protesting!! We're doing something BIG"

Which sure, I understand the whole "Wanna give an F U to meta" thing, but the people who downloaded it for what they think is an "anti government" aspect is honestly so ironic it's making me CACKLE, because babes you just switched to consuming a different countries propaganda.

And I was told to "shut up, the vibes are great" even though to me the vibes seem like everyone's on a valium..

When you see a country trying to promote itself as everyone being oddly "happy", you should get stepford wives vibes, not "I wanna live there vibes"

I almost peed myself laughing last night because the SAME people who are crying out, "gotta look out for the propaganda on tiktok now!!" are the SAME PEOPLE WHO ARE SAYING:

"they're just so happy over there in China 😀 I don't know WHAT it could be, they don't have even ONE BAD THING TO SAY ABOUT THEIR GOVERNMENT"

*face palm* Are you fucking for real?

My brother.. they are not ALLOWED to say anything bad 😭 it's not some mystic secret that America doesn't have.

"there's no homelessness over there" yeah cus you'll get arrested. And also? Yes there is. Which tiktok told you that they didnt? Because you were misinformed.

We want MORE freedoms, not less. Saying you'd sacrifice your freedom of speech even as a JOKE just diminishes EVERYTHING WE HAVE BEEN FIGHTING FOR.

And then it happened, I started seeing comments such as these:

"screw freedom of speech, i wanna move to China!"

Which sure, I know they're probably kidding, but a lot of people aren't.

I understand being broken down by our system, and I understand wanting to feel comfort and security, but in times like these we cannot even joke about being willing to sacrifice our personal freedoms.

Not when freedom of speech is already so at risk.

So this tiktok ban situation has truly changed how I view so many of you and society as a whole.

"Freedom of speech!!" was your rally cry for the last week, but now you'll jump down someone's throat and throw them to the dogs if they even try to have a conversation with you about the censorship on there and the affects it will have.

We don't exist in a vacuum. Downloading the app for an F U to meta but continuing to consume the content will have an affect. Why? Because everything affects everything. I thought we already knew that. You cannot do an action without there being a response that comes from it.

I wasn't even trying to say it was all negative affects- I'm sure there are positive side affects to this as well, but I specifically wanted to start a conversation about how censorship can have serious affects on society, trends, music, fashion, information exchange, etc and EVERY TIME i was shot down, insulted, or told "i like the censorship"

So much for "freedom of speech" huh, lol

I have begun to ask the question: "Will this app make us more complacent than we already are?" And I think I have my answer. I have seen countless people say "I like the fact it's moderated, I can just watch my knitting videos!"

They actually got their panties in a twist over me simply trying to bring up the fact it compresses your videos and affects video quality, all because they have associated rednote with being anti govt, protesting, etc.

"IF TIKTOK GETS BOUGHT BY META WE WONT BE ABLE TO TALK ABOUT WHAT WE WANT"

But when I say "If rednote becomes the new standard app I'm concerned about how the censorship will affect our information trends and flow" I get called a fed (because apparently anyone who doesn't like rednote is a fed now.. lol ironic, right?)

It was interesting to watch just how happily you all gave up, and I think the people who want to take our rights away will find it even more interesting that I do!

Everyone we've been fighting against? Oh honey they're gonna loveeee the fact that SO MANY of you are willing to sacrifice personal freedoms for what you think is "comfort"

So yes, I'm judging you.

[andro-dino]

im obsessed with how obsessed they are with holding hands all the time

+ closeups below

[aroaceleovaldez]

Your blog is the only blog where I feel safe enough asking this question. What do you think of Percy Jackson fans who feel as though they and the series have a moral superiority to Harty Potter ? Obviously, Harry Potter and its author are laden with questionable and sometimes straight-up hateful takes and views. But the way PJO fans constantly compare the two, its authors (even though RR is far from flawless), and the two MCs (ignoring how the two both share similarities in the fact that they are both traumatised, abused, angry teenage boys). I'm sorry that this ask got so long, but this has been annoying me for a while now.

This is an interesting question - for one, fandom fights over superiority is a concept that has been around for ages and has never been constructive. PJO and HP fandoms have been fighting in that exact way (and it has gone both ways!) for literal decades (remember, PJO turns 20 this year) so this isn't new, it's just taken on a moral flavor. Let's go over some things though (but please keep in mind i never got into HP and never read the books or fully watched the movies so my knowledge of HP is primarily pop culture absorption/secondhand from my family and friends):

Are either series perfect? No. HP absolutely is full of hateful sentiments and JKR is a hateful person and I do not respect her for that. Disney's marketing recently has absolutely fully leaned into trying to put Rick above her as a moral paragon and emphasizing how progressive he is and his support of diversity in middle grade series, despite some failings to reflect that in the actual text. Are Rick and JKR equally bad? Definitely not. Rick has had tangible good influence on adhd/dyslexia awareness that very directly impacted people like me as a neurodivergent kid going through school in the 2000s. JKR meanwhile has directly negatively impacted trans laws internationally very recently.

Rick absolutely isn't perfect, but he's vocally supportive, has made a lot of effort in the past to be inclusive, and still attempts to do so. Most of his issues simply stem from his own unaddressed internalized bigotry/biases and his research on varying topics not being great (plus poor management decisions such as not hiring a sensitivity reader actually fit for the story he's trying to tell). But he's not hateful. JKR is. JKR is very vocally hateful and bigoted and this is absolutely reflected in her work as well even in earlier HP. They are comparable in that they are both middle grade authors of easily two of the most popular middle grade fantasy (or specifically hidden world fantasy) series out right now. They are not equivalent in the slightest in their bigotry or tangible damage.

In terms of Percy versus Harry, I personally don't think they're very comparable. They share some similarities, but mostly just in that they're both the protagonists of their stories and thus serve protagonist purposes. Beyond that their use within the narrative is pretty different functionally. Their worlds' magic systems are not comparable. The hidden world aspect in both their universes isn't even comparable, since in PJO the "hidden world" aspect is very different from most hidden world fantasy formats because the entire point is that it's functionally not a hidden world. The characters themselves are very different as well - Percy's personality and the way he behaves and reacts to his environment is absolutely nothing like Harry's.

Most of the anti-HP-in-general sentiments stem from wanting to cut off JKR's notoriety, which I think is valid to want to do. And I do think there are a lot of issues with continuing to support JKR's work especially in ways that functionally promote her work or support her financially. Obviously, we will never be able to scrub HP from the cultural zeitgeist. It's just not feasible and I'm very anti-book burning so I do think it's important to acknowledge the role HP has had in pop-culture alongside acknowledging its harmful materials. HP is a text you absolutely can't death-of-the-author your way out of because a lot of the vitriol is baked into the text and worldbuilding in very overt ways - and there are plenty of other pop-culture staple novels like this. But fandom in general, at least true fandom and not mainstream fandom, is so obscure most of the time that I don't think, so long as people are not ignoring negative themes of the source material and are being thoughtful as they navigate engaging with it, that it is an inherently bad thing for HP fandom to just exist at all. It's never going to just stop existing no matter what people do. And HP fandom are not the only ones who should be thoughtful about how they engage with their source material - PJO fandom is not exempt from examining some of the problematic aspects in our own text and figuring out how to be respectful with those topics. It's just a lot easier for PJO fandom to tune it out without it being noticed because there's less of it and it's (at least sometimes) less overt. Honestly if HP fandom decided to go more down the path of a fandom like Warriors or Miraculous Ladybug, where the average sentiment is more along the lines of "Oh god no don't read/watch the source material it sucks/we stopped paying attention to it year ago and it's not relevant at all to what we're up to. We're over here functionally rewriting everything from the ground up/doing our own thing" I would very much support them in that endeavor. I do think there is merit in limiting promotion of the HP source material as much as possible, though.

Hopefully that all makes at least some amount of sense.

[hidefdoritos]

PSA:

Always WASH YOUR HANDS after handling essential oils.

Signed, someone who forgot that step before entering the bathroom and is now washing a lot more than their hands. :/

[esterigermaine]

You can all blame @animentality for this because their posts got me into durgetash (thank you!!!!!) and now I want to torture the villian couple. Probably won't make much sense because I drank enough caffeine to kill a horse today and my brain is going a million miles a second.

You know that scene where Orin shapeshifts into durge and tells them what she did to them? What if Gortash found out about it the same way and had Orin rub salt in the wound by then showing him the prayer for forgiveness?

She is cruel enough to do it and I can't think of any worse way to find out about what happened than for the attempted-murderer to shapeshift into their victim and describe what happened to them in explicit, gruesome detail. The attack itself, the tadpole, how they were abandoned to die alone like trash, how Gortash wasn't there to protect them, all of it. Only to show grieving Gortash the note

[crazyw3irdo]

Goofy - 83

so give me all your poison / and give me all your pills / and give me all your hopeless hearts and make me ill / you’re running after something that you’ll never kill / if this is what you want then fire at will - thank you for the venom by my chemical romance

send me a number + a character & i’ll draw the character w/ the corresponding song on my spotify wrapped! (requests open until the new year)

[songofwizardry]

Ok I'm out of the UK and meant to be on an organising break so I don't even know the worst of it, because I'm off all my usual networks and chats, but here's a long post, because I'm angry: in the last few days, across the country, there have been (halal and Muslim owned) businesses burnt down and attacked including cafes (1 and 2) and a supermarket in Belfast; a Muslim cemetery was vandalised; multiple hotels housing asylum seekers or said to be housing asylum seekers were set on fire sometimes with people inside. And that's just what's on the news. The stuff coming out anecdotally, from the people I'm talking to, is even worse. And again, I'm not hearing the worst of it right now.

The rhetoric is blatant and obvious: the leaked list of targets for Wednesday evening that's going around explicitly says they won't stop coming until we make them. It explicitly targets immigration support, immigration lawyers, and asylum seeker and refugee support centres; and just because you think you live in a diverse area does not mean it’s not a target and that numbers aren’t needed. By virtue of it targeting immigration support (and by design!!!) they’re targeting areas with large Brown, Black and immigrant populations. Particularly Muslim populations.

I don’t want to fear monger, bc where communities have been showing up, the fash are being driven out. But like. I will not lie. It is terrifying to see blatant far-right, Islamophobic, explicitly anti-immigrant and anti-asylum rhetoric so openly on our streets, days on end. It makes me incandescent with rage to hear about mosques across the country issuing warnings and shutting down events, and to hear about my friends outside London whose families haven’t been able to leave their homes in days, to hear from my friends who are or support asylum seekers about how terrified they are. It infuriates me to see, even at this point, the language and reporting, because to make the news we have to step out of a mosque being targeted and offer the fash food and a tour of the mosque; because they're still talking about how much we "contribute" to this country and that's why you shouldn't target us; becaus there's still people pointing out super "reasonably" that this is a natural response of the white working class to unchecked immigration or our terrible crimes or the violence of Muslims or those fucking savages or because there's too many goddamn people crossing the channel or. Whatever new bullshit. Genuinely, this is still turning up in the reporting, and on socials, go look on twitter and you will be utterly horrified at the shit that's being said. I'm seeing it on tumblr too.

It makes me so fucking angry and yet I am unsurprised, because Nigel Farage is an MP and can still say that this is a “response to unchecked immigration”, because the shadow Welsh secretary can say there is “political justification” for the far-right action on our streets, because my friends who are asylum seekers have seen years upon years of being blamed for every ill and failure of the social safety net that the government has been responsible for. This is where we end up after years of talking about “no-go zones” in Muslim areas of cities, after “Stop the boats” (full of terrified people who are escaping unimaginably bad circumstances) becomes a reasonable political chant, after we had a prime minister whose blatant islamophobic comments were just… ignored for years, after years of newspaper front pages demonising us.

This isn’t just about the stabbings. (Tommy Robinson was in London leading a fash march before these stabbings. This has been a long time coming.) This is the result of years of this shit. So yeah, we are scared, and concerned, but also angry (maybe that’s just me; I am always angry). Look out for your friends. Check in on people, particularly if you know PoC and people targeted by Islamophobia (misplaced or otherwise, our Sikh friends get a lot of this shit as well), immigrants, and asylum seekers and refugees.

Numbers have been key to keeping the fash down. Counterprotests are happening everywhere—if you can get to one SAFELY (being the key word here—if you’re visibly going to be a target, there is no shame in staying home and staying safe) please do, don’t go alone under any circumstances, take the GBC number, don’t split off from the group, etc. Repeatedly, we have been the ones keeping each other safe. Counter-protests are being called by Stand Up To Racism (which is a SWP front), but particularly within London, BLMUK and LAFA (the London Anti-Fascist Assembly) are also coordinating responses—you can see stuff on the BLMUK instagram. Do what you can to help, but if you’re going out there, do it as a group and do it safely.

And please please push back against the anti-immigrant rhetoric, against these prevalent ideas (even) amongst “polite” middle class white liberals about Muslims who refuse to assimilate, about the “state” of “those” areas of Birmingham and Manchester and London, against the good immigrant narratives and the blame we get for everything from inflation to overcrowded classrooms to NHS underfunding, against the fucking vile way people talk about asylum seekers and people crossing the channel.

I am tired and sick to my core of the myth of “polite” British racism. I am tired of being told that things like that don’t happen here, of the shock I get anytime I describe the Islamophobia and racism that people (that I) experience. I’m actually very very tired full stop, and I don’t know how to end this paragraph.

Fuck the fash. We keep ourselves and each other safe. We need each other to keep our communities safe. Organise. And for the love of god, listen to us.

[mokutone]

your art makes me wanna start testosterone

i can't read tone well, so this is either an incredibly touching ask, or an extremely funny one, and in the absence of confirmation: both!

i'm in a chatty mood, so i'll share some thoughts about testosterone and my art.

i liked being on testosterone a lot. i had an IM injection every two weeks (on tuesdays!) and because that's a sizeable dose every 14 days that slowly disperses, it can cause some mood fluctuations (every other friday i would have a crisis about not feeling like the world had a place for me in it) but even those were far more manageable than the ones that would come with my previous and current monthly hormone cycle (every month i spend a solid week thinking the world will never have a place for me in it)

It gave me a patchy little bit of scruff on my chin and a whispy mustache under my nose that still struggles on, despite adversity!

It redistributed my fat a little bit, but that's long since gone back to pre-T shape.

it lowered my voice! that hasn't changed :^)! even if i never go back on t, that won't change. it was the thing i most wanted, and its the one i'm most grateful for. Pre-T, I didn't speak much. I'm getting better and better at talking and getting more and more comfortable communicating with people because of it.

having been off t now for 3 years, i don't pass anymore—not as a cis man, or a cis woman, certainly not as anything approximating straight. if people look at me and see anything, i'd hazard a guess that they see me as A Queer (the noun—for all it's complicated connotations).

i'm not surprised that my art might make somebody want to start testosterone! a lot of my art was made out of the aching grief that came with being kicked off of testosterone, and how neatly that loss of autonomy over my own body knits in with yamato's loss of autonomy over his own.

how my body started doing things i disliked, how i didn't have the support necessary to access the healthcare i needed—how my inability to give myself what i needed made me feel as though i were trapped inside of myself and abandoned (by both myself and the world at large)

when i write comics about yamato as a trans man, i don't take away his testosterone, because that hits a little too close to home for me. for Ninja War Town Reasons, he has plenty of access to all the HRT he could ever need and nobody questions his need for it—instead, i project my own horrors onto the way Danzō defined his identity for him as a child, the way that Kabuto and Obito dehumanize him as an adult in their war efforts, and reduce him to the thing his body holds (the Mokuton). I give him a kneejerk compulsion to dehumanize himself (out of a feeling that he has a duty to his community to do so) and I give him a slow-growing resistance to that impulse (which comes out of a feeling that the people he loves would frown upon seeing him reduce himself like that)

it's dysphoria! it's not gender dysphoria, but it's a loss of self, and a need to reclaim it. it's a war between the hollow shell of a thing he thinks he has to be, and the vibrant and messy person beneath it that he is. it's a desperate need to say "this is who i am—only i can say it"

I enjoyed HRT a lot. it was a really useful tool in helping me feel like my body was my own, that i didn't have to fight it, that we were the same entity. It's not the only tool, but it was a really good one, and one day I hope to use it again.

(as for the being off of it—it's unpleasant, but i'm enduring! being somebody who now doesn't really pass as anything has put me in a weird and interesting position, where I'm constantly having to declare myself to people, because nobody knows what to make of me on any front. they don't know if i'm a man, a woman, nonbinary, nor even what age i am (Augh!!!!) it forces me to be brave and vulnerable more than I'm comfortable with—if I tell somebody I'm a man, there's no way that they will believe I'm cis, but I'm not about to recloset myself—and I don't think I could at this point anyway.)

(there's something fascinating about the position i find myself in, and while i'd leap back on t the moment that an opportunity presented itself to do so, i do feel like i'm experiencing something interesting and important in this weird zone i find myself in)

[wondercourse]

i'm ngl guys seeing things in the vein of "welcome to the CORRECT side of the CDD community" feels like a real slippery slope towards the "us vs. them" mentality.

guys we're all aware that systems can have unique subjective experiences right. and. and we're not. guys we're not gonna tell people what helps them when we don't know what's actually helpful for them and/or we don't have full context because we aren't living their lives right. we're not going to try defining people's subjective experiences through a lens we don't even fully understand right. we're not gonna make up arbitrary rules each other's experiences based on that either right guys.

guys. guys we're not- guys we're not seriously gonna do that right. this isn't the brand of syscourse we're doing right now right.

right guys.

guys.