#it is absolutely a good idea to share this ramble with the internet

[might-be-tiny-gt]

Last year I wrote a story about a streamer who shrinks based on chat donations. I meant it as a one shot, but guys…. GUYSSSSS.

I think about this story ‘s universe a lot. I have lore notes just collecting dust and I need to share it or I might go absolutely mad XD Made these visuals charts to get the basics across but if you’re interested in my lore and semantic ramblings, feel free to read below the cut.

Consider this my unofficial pitch bible for Down Played.

General premise: Monica Diaz is Twitch streamer with steadily growing fan base. Her tag is MiniMushroom and her aesthetic is cottage core. She loves all things magical and tiny, especially toadstool mushrooms, that’s the image most associated with her “brand.” She’s approached by a mysterious benefactor who has developed technology specifically for Monica to test and utilize for her streams. It’s called Byte-Syzed Tech and it connects to a user’s twitch stream and based on the user’s preferences, gives the audience the ability to change the user’s height. The one shot I wrote takes place during Monica’s first live use of Byte-Syzed tech on stream. If I were to develop this into a full story I’d probably go back a bit and start around when Monica is first approached about using Byte-Syzed tech then continue to follow Monica adjusting to using Byte-Syzed more often. How she deals with the size change on camera, off camera, how her social and personal life are affected, all that good stuff. I think it would like a slice of life feel good kinda story.

Characters:

- Monica - Main character and primary user of Byte-Syzed tech. Surprisingly enough, she’s actually a law school grad who probably would have put her degree to use if she didn’t accidentally gain a massive following on twitch. Funny how life works out. She stands at 6’4 and always was fascinated with the idea of being small (Basically, she’s a g/t nerd who doesn’t know what g/t is) so being gifted Byte-Syzed and being able to use it on stream is kinda a dream come true.

- Kim - Monica’s girlfriend, roommate, and stream moderator. Kim and Monica were high school sweethearts but drifted apart in college due to personal matters in Kim’s life including having to drop out of college. Kim and Monica rekindled their relationship a few years later and Kim cites Monica and her encouragement as a big reason why she’s been able to get her life back together. She’s currently back in college working on getting her degree in Mathematics.

- The Twitch Team- Moni hosts solo streams but also very often collabs with three of her online friends. Ariel (@Lifeisthebubbles), a Vtuber who is the only one Moni has met in person. Corey (@McDonuts) an NB asmrist on youtube who started streaming games for fun. And Phin (@UrguyPhin) Corey's bf and the competitive gamer of the four. All three of them were streaming with Monica when she first used Byte-Syzed and have since gotten used to pausing their games so an ever shrinking Monica can adjust her set up.

- The Benefactors- Keeping their (Plural, there are two of them) exact identity to myself for the time being, but basically they’re mad scientists with the best intentions. Their antics have garnered attention across the internet as they have created and gifted inventions to up and coming online creators that seem to defy all laws of physics. Anti Gravity chambers, a literal money tree, a mask the morphs the wearer’s face, and now the Byte-Syzed size changing tech. Despite their inventions going viral, their identities have remained hidden. So what is their deal? They’re just big fans of these creators and for lack of drawing skills have gifted them weird inventions instead. Nerds… Due to the nature of Byte-Syzed and the possible effects it can have on the human body, Monica and Kim remain in close contact with them.

How Byte-Syzed Works in Universe: This I wrote tons of notes about when I first thought of the idea. Byte-Syzed can be divided into three key components; The program, the arm band monitor, and the sync suit.

The Program is installed on the user’s computer and connects directly to the arm band monitor and sync suit. The program has user friendly set up that allows the user to input the direction of height change (Shrink or Grow), The minimum or maximum height change, How height change occurs (By views, chat commands, donations, etc.), and rate of height change (How much height is gained or lost with each instance of viewer interaction.) EX: If height is based on donations, the user can set it up so they lose 1 inch for every 10 dollars donated. They can set the minimum height to 6 inches, so once they’ve received enough donations that they have shrunk down to 6 inches, Byte-Syzed will hold at that height. More donations may come in after, but the height will remain at 6 inches for the duration of the stream.)

The Arm Band Monitor, is the device the physically changes the user’s height after connecting to the Byte-Syzed Program. It also monitors and display’s the user’s current height and vitals. All data collected from the arm band will then be saved and can be referenced later if the band is connected to the computer. The arm band must be kept on at all times during active use and active reset of Byte-Syzed. Active use is the time in which Byte-Syzed is being used in a stream and the user’s height is actively changing. Active reset refers to time after the stream has ended and the user is either set at their new current height or in the process of returning to their normal height. After a stream has ended the user will remain at their changed height until they press the reset button on the monitor. Once the reset button is active, the user will return to their normal height at 1.5 times the amount of time it took to change to their current changed height. EX: A user has finished a stream that was 4 hours. They hit the reset button which will return them to normal over the course of 6 hours. (4x1.5=6) This only applies for time Byte-Syzed was in use, not how long a size change occurred. EX: If the user’s stream was 4 hours, but they reached their minimum height in 3 hours, the reset function will account for the 4 hours the stream lasted. This is a safety procedure to reduce stress on the user’s body. Note: If the reset button is not pressed, the user will remain at their changed height for a period of 12 hours. After 12 hours, the reset function will kick in automatically.

The Synchronized Suit or Sync Suit is directly connected to the Byte-Syzed program and will grow and shrink with the user at the same rate as the user. Normal clothing can be worn above it but they will not change size with the user, only the sync suit. The sync suit Monica received came with the suit, shoes, and a headset with a built in microphone to keep audio input even over the course of her size changing. More sync suits are in the process of being designed and produced, with the goal of making sync suits that resemble everyday clothing like t shirts or skirts.

Fun Story Ideas:

- Origin story. How Monica met the benefactors and was gifted Byte-Syzed, her and Kim’s gripes about using it, actually going through with it and the pros and cons she noticed, the end of her first size changing stream and dealing with being tiny in her own room and her girlfriend’s hands. Etc etc

- Monica finished a late night stream using byte Syzed and forgets to press reset when she goes to sleep so instead of growing back over the course of the night she wakes up at her tiny size. After realizing her mistake she begins the growth process but now has to do it while attempting to do her regular day time activities.

- Monica is approached by a doll company to collaborate on a new doll based on her, only issue, their studio is several hours away and they want her to model at both her full height and at the height of the dolls. After some consideration Monica and Kim decide to take a road trip to the studio and use Byte Syzed at the studio under Kim’s careful supervision. What could go wrong?

- Months have passed and Kim and Monica have grown well adjusted to the major size difference between them after Monica finishes a byte syze stream, however curiosity has gotten the best of her and Kim wonders what it would be like to be the tiny one for a change.

If you have read this far, you have my eternal gratitude. Thanks for reading this far, I really hope you liked it XD Maybe if time and motivation allows I can flesh the story out.

[thelaurenshippen]

good night laurinia, do you have any canon sexualities for your characters? Other than the more blatant one's like Mark's bisexuality and chloe being ace,, I'm especially curious about joan wadsworth and owen, xoxo ♡

good morning anon!

so, the answer to this is a little complicated simply because of my current feelings around the idea of "canon" and my position as a creator on the internet who has a direct line of communication with my audience. so, sorry for answering such a simply question with a long and winding ramble about the current state of storytelling, but I will get to your actual question.

for a long time, I answered questions over on @thebrightsessions tumblr about anything and everything people wanted to know about when it came to my characters. but as the show grew bigger, people started to take those answers as gospel truth, even when the only evidence of that "canon" was a tumblr post and not the show itself. I want people to do whatever they want with my world and characters and it started to feel as though sharing my thoughts about things was discouraging that or disappointing people in some way.

so now, I mostly keep answering those questions to the atypipals discord. the community there is pretty tight, so they get a lot of my secrets lol, as well as my uncensored thoughts on things because we've all agreed that what I say means absolutely nothing if it's not in the text! (nap of the author, we call it, because thankfully no one wants me dead).

ALL TO SAY, there are some strong assumptions to be made about the characters based on the show, even when their sexualities aren't explicitly stated. when you expand to include the canon novels, there's even more.

but, as far as I can recall, I think the only sexualities that are explicitly stated are (just including voiced characters in the podcast - the novels have a bunch more):

Mark is bisexual

Chloe is asexual (she's also panromantic, but I don't believe I ever use that word, simply mention that she has two exes names Alex, one boy and one girl)

Adam is gay

Sadie is straight

Rose is gay

...I think that's it? no one else claims a label, I don't think, but obviously there are several other characters who have same-sex relationships:

Caleb canonically pretty much is only into Adam

Sam dates both Mark and Mags

It is heavily implied that Oliver has a thing for Mark

It is explicitly stated in the books that Damien is in love with Mark

Frankie is a trans man who dates Caitlin, which I consider a queer relationship given Frankie is a member of the queer community

and then, of course, there are the characters that are never in a romantic relationship in the podcast or are only seen in heterosexual relationships - those sexualities are up to interpretation! that does mean I don't have a straight answer (pun intended) to the characters you asked about, because amongst those three, all we know is that Joan dated Owen and had a thing for Jackson.

I hope that's not too frustrating of an answer!

[rayshippouuchiha]

Ray, light of my days, yes I'm going to start all of my asks like this lmao

Today in broad daylight I got into an argument over how parasocial relationships replaced religion in the modern world (which is a hill I WILL die on) with a complete stranger, because they threw their ass into my conversation and I'm just that kind of lunatic.

So I'm pretty sure I'm right, because death threats, leaking information (sometimes information that can get the other killed) and all the other things I'm sure I don't have to introduce you to are the results of the same kind of blind adoration and needless cruelty that the cults of today and churches of... well, sometimes still today used and use to this day to kill, torture and exploit their own people or even people who have nothing to do with them. The same kind of blind following of the loudest idiot that got the Witch Trials and the Nazis going, just to give examples everybody knows. And I'm not even exaggerating about the severeness and seriousness of the cultism of it all.

And then you personally bobbed into my thoughts and refused to leave, like a particularly stubborn buoy outlasting a hurricane. Mostly because what you and us (your followers) have isn't really a true parasocial relationship.

You're aware of us, take the time out of your day to interact with us internet gremlins, you answer our questions and help us through emotional distress and we try to do the same. You're both one of us and the one we look to (sometimes) when we have something sad, or excited or any other to share.

What I'm trying to say is that you played in the dirty internet sandbox, made a castle out of - probably not completely, but who knows where's the sand's from- shit and opened the door to invite us in, made food for us and dined with us. We're here because you're one of us but also a little more.

You kind of became a Small Gremlin God of Small Gremlin Us without wanting to or knowing it and it's absolutely hilarious, because we're here with our ideas and questions and what else, like we're collectively some sickly victorian child asking mother for the last of the dessert and you let us have it because you know we won't last 'til the 'morrow.

In other words we're here wriggling around like salted slugs on their last breath chanting "ONE OF US! ONE OF US!" without noticing that you're chanting with us, you not knowing we're chanting about you and us not knowing you're in the crowd instead of wherever else you're supposed to be.

Just, it's really fucking funny and your character as a person makes a person think. In a positive way. Because I also absolutely love you and what you're doing here.

(AND THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT! *mad scientist muttering* *overthinking on max*)

Sorry for the novel lol, idk how to stfu like usual😭

Also you made several good points and can I just say I deeply enjoy the little fox den we've all created here together. And I love you too and I enjoy your rambling.

[prsk-krow]

Hi hi!~ I'd like to request a (R) Kanade x Reader where the reader is secretly a musician that Kanade is a big fan of and follows closely.

Please take this request into consideration, thanks~

Heya! Honestly, the concept of Kanade as a fan has always been so peculiar to me, because she's such a curious and excitable creature (affectionate) but she's still so soft and chill...

{Kanade with Reader that's secretly a musician she likes!} [R]

.‿︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵‿.

)─── ･ ｡ﾟ*.☽ .* •ﾟ. ───(

Firstly, Kanade has been around the music world for a while, so she's kept tabs on a lot of rising composers and musicians that she notices have natural talent, no matter how succesful or popular they are, or aren't.

So when she notices you, a new musician that managed to earn a pretty decent following without breaking a sweat, she joins the following in secret! After all, her internet persona does gather attention itself, so she has to be careful about this sort of stuff.

She learns from you, and even starts to note down some of the ideas you have! It's always lovely to learn about how other talented composers think, and how they work! The influence from your work becomes clearer with each new song...

She even chats about you with the people she's close with, including, ironically, you! Even though she's mostly low-key whenever she's chatting, the topic of music always sparks a special feeling inside her!

"Um, I know that I speak about various artists, and many of them share some traits, but... I'm not sure why they feel so special to me. I've been thinking about it all day, but I can't put my finger on it..."

While she is good at analyzing voices, she never makes the connection between yours and the incognito singer, simply because when she enjoys her time with you, she doesn't spend it focused on things like that. She's usually just relaxed...

She talks about your singer persona and friend one with the rest of Niigo, who enjoy seeing the normally relaxed Kanade showing how she enjoys something so much! Who knew she could show such passion with her airy voice...

One day, she invites you to check out some demos! Since you also loved music, you had offered to help her out with her own endeavors, secretly learning things for your own pieces along the line!

You couldn't help but be proud and hide your smirks every time you recognized another one of your styles embedded in her new song, which was slowly becoming something pretty frequent...

However, the sudden increase in frequency of these small details makes you slip up, accidentally referring to the style as yours, which passes unnoticed... For just a fateful moment.

"... Wait, your... Huh?... Hold on, your voice, it's so... Melodical... Almost as if I've heard it before... In a familiar tune... H-hold on, there's no way... Right? Um... I'm not i-imagining this, right?"

Once the hint is thrown, Kanade comes to the conclusion shockingly fast, as she notices the familiarity of your voice, especially with how much she listens to your music, and her sharp ear.

She spends the next few moments absolutely shocked and trying to come to grips with it, the next geeking out and rambling about how she would have never noticed if you didn't slip up, and about how much she loves your songs... As if she hadn't made it so blatantly obvious before...

You thought she was bashful and cute whenever she rambled? Well now she does it more energetically, and shows even more embarrassment afterwards. After all, she borrowed your styles so many times...

You can't help but chuckle and constantly remind her that it's alright, that you don't mind, that you felt really proud that such an expert composer like her constantly used your little songs as reference!

The next Niigo call she's in, she literally cannot stop rambling about her dearest is the famous singer in incognito, all the while you accompany her, and your laughter is caught by her mic...

[augustsappho]

Goldsmiths Centrists and Palestine: How To Ignore A Genocide - by August Sappho

On some unfortunate Tuesday in October 2023, I was sat shoving a piping hot cheese toastie down my throat in between morning lectures and sat idly with 2 other people in the refectory. Creative Arts students I'd met in the freshers chat who, whenever I had tried to share the contents of my lectures excitedly, had shut me down on the basis of politics being complicated and uncomfortable table talk. Desperate to make friends and coming from a family of people who typically get headaches at the dinner table caused by my ramblings and ravings, I understood and obliged; after all, I want to build bridges, not be the scary monster underneath them. That is until the curious question of Palestine came up, and I stayed quiet. Surely, these self-proclaimed apolitical progressives would be sensible. “I just think it’s all so complicated, really! People need to read up more before they come to broad conclusions!*” Yes, they absolutely should. What a rational take to have formed in the face of a sudden media flurry. In my own opinion, education, and more importantly, history, is the cornerstone of enriching one's ideas and understanding. The same way you use butter in a stew, and like butter, the professionals use a lot of it. And, like butter, it fattens me up, nourishes me and brings me a great deal of comfort. 

Mid-way through the summer term, I was struck by pure delight that I am living in a time where I can access any and every book I could ever dream of accessing either via the internet or a library or simply buying it. I sit, live and breathe in a country where the tuition fees are, yes, expensive but far from American and where people take great risks on their whole lives just to brush it with their fingertips, arm outstretched over a chasm of hope. Unfortunately, my table mates had decided not to utilise any of this incredibly accessible research and immediately followed their statements up by berating and shaming a lecturer in the media department for wearing a pro-Palestine jumper. They alluded very heavily that he should face some sort of consequence or simply not be allowed to wear it. After all, what does Palestine have to do with Creative Arts?  I continued chewing very slowly and very tense. I did think about saying something but decided against it. Months later, I blew up at them because these same apolitical progressives had one too many times scoffed, played devil's advocate and questioned people, including myself, into an uncomfortable corner over political meet-ups, rallies and open letters. Questioning tactics, phrasing, aims to no avail beyond being arseholes - have we tried just being really super duper nice to management guys? I almost laughed when I’d seen one of them had started learning Hebrew out of the blue on Duolingo.

Unfortunately, those self-proclaimed progressives aren't anything new at Goldsmiths University of London. It has a real troubling culture of letting people only engage in what they are comfortable with and not think much beyond that. Gay rights are legal in this country and, therefore, not controversial and, consequently, easy to support. Racism is illegal in this country and, therefore, not controversial to speak up against and easy to publicly oppose. Feminism has had many successful waves here, and so it is not out of the ordinary to call yourself a feminist (without being able to explain much theory behind any of what makes these ideas up or what distinguishes them). Unfortunately, these are also easy things you can add to your social media bios with no further thought, with the sole intent of virtue signalling and repelling conservatives online. While I am grateful for all these comforts and people's ability to declare themselves as such openly, they are often done on a very face-value level and do not always mean you're a particularly good anti-racist or a good ally or a good feminist. They often trick people who have done their homework into a false sense of security. No,they use these words in a way where the thinking has been done for them. You do not have to fight; you just have to pick the glaringly obvious option. They do not have to form moral opinions on the suffragettes bombing mailboxes, the Stonewall Riots or violent plantation liberation attempts from the likes of John Brown. They can simply sit and enjoy the luxury of not ever having to deal with the hard-hitting stuff and pretending they would have come to those conclusions anyway. 

Palestine, then, has acted as an axe, splitting whole student bodies around the world into two general camps. Between those who will occupy, sign letters, donate money, raise hell in the name of justice. In the name of what is good. Between those who will learn and listen and between those who will rattle on the same few talking points, claim to see both sides and claim things are just oh-so-complicated when they simply are not. Those who swear themselves by ideals of liberty and freedom and yet cannot muster a grain of sympathy to fight for those who have none. Those who will even go to the extent of the disenfranchisement of their peers and bullying if it means maintaining close contact with their comfort zones, and Palestine makes them very uncomfortable indeed—hearing chants and seeing flags and skirting around the videos of the bodies and the rubble, having to relocate your lecture or walk past a very obvious liberated zone. It makes it an unavoidable topic, puts politics in the face of those self-proclaimed progressives, and asks them, “Do you care enough to make a change?”. And the answer is a simple no. Instead of engaging with the reading they promised themselves publicly as a show of intellect, they choose to occupy their hours sending secret complaints to the warden, huff in frustration at marking boycotts, and get uncomfortable while swearing they're involved in all this and fully supporting it. Yet following lists, open letter signatures, and the things they mutter to each other paint a different picture. It is as if they know they are on the wrong side. They look left and right to see predominantly white middle-class faces like their own and prime ministers of conservative governments and think of it as some bizarre coincidence. They know they are wrong not to be reading, learning or keeping up to date which is why they maintain their opinions and feign progress until they are awkwardly called out or the simplest of questions peels off the scab.

“It’s [the occupation of the library] hindering students who have every right not to join the protest to do well in their end-of-year assignments!”—a message sent by one of the beloved October centrists. In a conversation that blew up into me confronting them for how they have treated several people, they hammered in that the student occupation of the library was unfair on themselves personally and other students like them. However, the occupation wasn't situated anywhere near the exam rooms nor on an exam day and was solely in the bottom floor front section of the library, where students are allowed to make as much racket as they want already, and people frequently do group projects there for this explicit reason. Anyone who has been to any library knows the bottom floor is always designated as the loud floor, and the higher up you go, the quieter it gets. Our library is quite impressive in size, so while unavoidable on the ways in and out, once you are inside, it was never going to be hard to find a spot to block them out. They did not know this, however, as it had never impacted them beyond hypotheticals in their head, and their argument wasn't dependent on having actually kept their eyes on what students were doing but rather finding anything to scream inconvenience at. All I could think was how funny that a student occupation of a library could be deemed as some unforgivable act because it impacts them directly, but a genocidal occupation in which their university has a hand in just isn't worth the time of day. The warden herself referred to the library occupation as something that ‘threatened’ students.

Let me conclude them with a different quote from the fictional Robin Swift from R.F. Kuang’s ‘Babel’ whose words perfectly encapsulate this ordeal.

“Across the town, students were fast asleep. Next to them, tomes by Plato and Locke and Montesquieu waited to be read, discussed, gesticulated about; theoretical rights like freedom and liberty would be debated between those who already enjoyed them, stale concepts that, upon their readers’ graduation ceremonies, would promptly be forgotten. That life, and all of its preoccupations, seemed insane to him now; he could not believe there was ever a time when his greatest concerns were what colour neckties to order from Randall’s, or what insults to shout at houseboats hogging the river during rowing practice. It was all such frippery, fluff, trivial distractions built over a foundation of ongoing, unimaginable cruelty.”

*the first conversation is paraphrased as best as I can remember it, as I do not record my conversations with people

[em-writes-stuff-sometimes]

Haven't heard from you in a while, hope you're doing well! <3

Hey, nonnie - I'm doing alright. Personal ramble below the cut. Skip if you're just here for fanfic reading and don't care about my silly little melodrama.

Not going to go into too much detail, but I've been really feeling the depression lately. For context, I have clinical depression and take a really high dose of antidepressants, which fuck with other aspects of my life (i.e. weight and lack of sleep). Medical consensus is that I'll need medication for the rest of my life as my brain does not perform the appropriate mood-regulating functions (I'm not super sure what the specifics of this are). I've struggled with low feeling, demotivation, SI/SH etc. for nearly nine years now. I've slipped into a bit of an episode lately - not necessarily related to being online but Tumblr is a part of it - but I'm trying to work my way out of it by picking up some new-old hobbies, such as crochet, and doing things that I like and that don't stress me. I'm safe and don't have the opportunity to action any of my feelings, so please don't worry about me!

Unfortunately, Tumblr has been a source of stress for me since I've come on here. I've made some downright terrible choices in friends, in behaviour, in the amount of energy I commit to this space, and the only one who can really break this cycle is me. This site hosts a really wide range of personalities, and I just... feel like I've encountered some of the absolute worst among all of that, and it's done me absolutely no favours when it comes to making good choices. We all say that as adults, we should know better, but there's no sudden switch that flips, you know? We spend our whole lives making mistakes and learning from them. Adulthood isn't the abrupt entry into moral infallibility, and that's been something I've had to address and work through when it comes to my own failings.

To be perfectly honest, Tumblr isn't a supportive place. Or the people aren't. I don't really know which. To clarify, I do generally speak of the community of artists and writers in this, not the people here who just want to enjoy art or read someone's fanfic. I suppose there's a certain level of - I don't know - self-centredness? - when it comes to creating an online presence and sharing one's own creations on the internet. That mentality, I think, bleeds over into feelings of entitlement in creative communities. Entitlement to other people's time, to people's attention, to people's promotion, and when one doesn't get that, the problems start: (best to worst =) transactional interaction, badmouthing, hate anons, public bashing, and the list goes on. I've definitely been someone who has been upset by people's lack of interaction. I've responded with "oh, I'm not reblogging until they reblog mine" more than once. We all know that I've been involved with badmouthing and publicly bashing others. I continue to be very ashamed of this, and I am honest with myself about what I've done and how I got there in my journey working through my problems and making meaningful change in my life.

Anyway, point is - I'm trying to divorce myself from the entitlement, and I think to do that I need to divorce myself from the notion that we exist as a community. I've put far too much effort into that idea, and it's gotten me absolutely nowhere. There are more people who dislike me than not. Most just straight-up ignore me. I deserve it, sure, but (or maybe and) I have no intention of continuing to engage in a space that either doesn't exist or where I'm not wanted. I've felt anxious and upset at the mere thought of going on Tumblr the past few months. It hasn't been bringing me joy anymore, and that was the whole point of it. There's so much bad blood associated with being on here, but I love writing. I love this show. I can't give up something that makes me so happy in every respect other than this one site.

So I've taken some time off, reassessed the way I'm intending to use this space, and I've essentially decided that I started it for me so I'm going to do it for me. I'm going to interact with who I want and post what I want and damn absolutely everyone who tries to police me (of which there has been A LOT - apparently I have a "responsibility" to support others which I now know is actually code for "I'm jealous that you're getting any kind of attention online, so instead of addressing my issue with this, I'm going to vaguepost about/anon/DM you to try and guilt you into giving my work attention so that maybe it'll transfer to me").

For the casual peruser, no change at all. But I'm done giving my effort to the idea of 'community'. It doesn't exist, or I don't belong. I am going to do what makes me happy now, and only what makes me happy. That's the whole point. I'm sick of focusing on negatives. I'm sick of posting about them, to be honest. I think this mindset will do me good.

If you've gotten this far, I hope that it's okay that I've decided this. I'm feeling positive about it!

[saturnine-saturneight]

Writing Share Tag

Thank you for the tag, @illarian-rambling!

Rules are simple: just share some of your writing!

Fire season picks up after that. They spend a month bouncing from hotel to motel, slowly using up their financial cushion, mostly hanging out inside to play video games to hide from the weather. Soon they'll have to hustle again, but right in that moment, they're too busy kicking each other's asses in fighting games. "I got us a sixpack this morning," Nat says, putting their handheld aside. "Yeah?" Ron asks. "The good stuff?" "Absolutely not." They get up to pull the alcopops out of the cooling box of the hotel room. "They keep that behind lock and key around these parts. I had to pay for this with our actual money." "Damn." He holds his hand up high. "Gimme anyways. I'll take it." Nat cracks the corn styrofoam sixpack apart and hands him a bottle, then takes one for themself, putting the rest back. "Twelve percent," Ron reads out, eyebrows raised, turning the glass bottle in his hand as Nat sits back down on the floor. "You want to cheers on surviving?" "Sure," he snorts. While he pulls the bottle cap off with his teeth, Nat hits theirs against the edge of the hotel bed. The drinks fizz, dark purple in brown glass. "Cheers to yet more bullshit coped with," Nat holds theirs out. "Cheers to that," Ron clinks his bottle against theirs. "To way more bullshit to come." Then they both throw back the first gulp. "...Eugh," Nat notes. "Have had worse." "Oh well." They fall silent. The airfilter dins. Ron's handheld is still blaring the title music to Beatdown Brawl Five, but neither of them reaches to turn it off. Outside, the sky glows orange. "Two K left," he says quietly. "We will have to find work again soon, yeah." "Probably before the end of the season. Want to do some internet scams?" "I'd hate to get investigated again. That needs more preparation." "Got any better ideas?" Nat takes another long sip of the alcopop. "We could go west. Take some money off some lithium rushers." "In this shit weather?" "A fair point." Another silence spreads between them. Nat tugs at their shirt to get some airflow against their unbound chest. It's too hot for more than one layer. Luckily, the alcohol tastes a little better with every sip. Maybe they don't mind it all that much.

Tagging @marlowethelibrarian @grimmdivinity @winterandwords @chayscribbles and anyone else who would like to do this!

[gameshowtrainwreck]

Mostly Disjointed Ramblings About Game Shows, and Why Making Good Game Shows is Easier Now Than They Have Ever Been (mostly as a letter to myself)

When it comes to producing game shows (at least as far as they go in the USA), the "here's how you play the game" is often one of the furthest down the depth chart on "reasons why this should be A Thing in commercial television." Budget, targets, media planning, strategies, and contingencies are often what will get a commissioning executive's attention. A lot of time here lately they are interested in a known quantity of some sort being attached to it (being successful in another market, a well-known brand or celebrity on board with it, etc). That was meant neither as a complaint nor a complement, simply the state of play as currently on the field.

That doesn't mean your game shouldn't have some thought into it, just that media buyers are looking for a lot of other things in addition to how unique or compelling your game idea is. Ideas are everywhere, ability and the demonstrations thereof are a little harder to come by. Just know that your audience are going to be the ones interested in the game, one that is just as fun to watch others play as it is to play along at home. The point is to cut out the middleman and play to the people who will be interested in what you have to offer, not somebody's conception of what will interest the right number of the right people for what they need.

The fantastic thing about the progress of knowledge and technology (as witnessed just over the course of my lifetime, at least) is that the internet has lowered so many barriers to entry that if you have at least a microphone and some kind of computer device to connect it to, the only reason to not make something is lacking the knowledge of how to put it all together (a hurdle I'm still trying to cross myself, but flight day is coming).

Don't worry about stats or metrics or demographics-- If you make a good game, the rest will follow. Everybody complains about nothing being on or that the wrong shows keep going while the good ones get cancelled. Not everybody is a Fred McPheely Rogers, because he felt that the best way to fight bad content was to produce the content he felt the world needed. I would like to follow his lead in that regard.

I wholly cop to the idea that this smacks as more than a little self-important coming from an amateur quiz producer in thinking the world needs game shows, but I'm focusing on Mr. Rogers' actions on this: he made what he wanted, how he wanted to make it, and he made it for a number of reasons that weren't solely to do with money. He was successful with the resources he had available; whether that was because of or in spite of his limitations is a debate for another day. An unexamined faith is worthless, as are unexamined motivations. A good project is easier to complete with the right motivations behind it.

Sturgeon's Law holds that 90% of everything is shit. Who cares? Make your shit anyway.

Even if you don't roll a crit on this attempt, take notes. Even if you crit-fail, nothing is a failure so long as learning took place. Find points in the logistics where things have slowed down/broken/were absolutely non-functional. Find ways to untangle the knots you can, cut and reroute around the knots you cannot. Be honest with assessing your own work, but give yourself the same credit you would give a friend showing off their art to you. This is something you want to be proud of, work to give them something they can be proud that you would share it with them. Art is never a gamble, creating anything is never a gamble. You will have better standing to get that 10% on your next attempt, even if you draw nothing more from it than the joy and satisfaction from the act of creation and seeing something you've always wanted to see in this world.

Put a game together, write and research some questions for it, learn OBS, invite your friends to a discord call and have them play it. Put it online.

Congratulations, you have now joined a pantheon of notable people including (but not limited to) Goodson/Todman, Barry/Enright, Hatos/Hall, Heatter/Quigley, Stone/Stanley, and Dewey/Chatham/Howe.

Game shows don't have to run on the payout offered or the people hosting it. the British Broadcasting Corporation has certainly got a lot of mileage out of the idea that people will line up and wait months to win a punchbowl* if it gives them the chance to show off their knowledge of something very few people may have even heard of. Lord knows in the episodes I have seen of Mastermind, there have been artists or writers or historical events I've looked up afterwards because of the questions a contender answered on them. Which I think is an absolutely wonderful byproduct from it.

Information Please ran for years on radio on the driest game possible –a simple question bee with multipart questions sent in by listeners with a reasonable request for accuracy attached (usually asking them to get 3 parts out of 4 right)– but it was the American QI before QI was even a thing. It worked on the strength of the panel's interplay with one another as they would bust each other's chops (or moderator Clifton Faddiman's chops for some of the questions he sprung on them), sometimes it would be in a guest panelist showing off knowledge of a field nobody would have thought was in their wheelhouse. (Groucho Marx and his always being there for questions about Gilbert & Sullivan may not have been one of those times, it was something of an understanding that the man was crazy for their operas over the multiple times he guested on there, even though he never got to perform in one until the Bell Telephone Hour had him play Koko in The Mikado. Considering that the part of Katisha usually was being played by Margaret DuMont-types, it's not like Groucho wasn't dropping hints his entire career)

Got a group of friends for a podcast but can't decide on a how or why for it? Make it a panel game. There are many ways to gamify a conversation, games that provide the launching point for conversations, and what makes them work often times lies in the panelists' frustration in working within the constraints the game presents. Don't worry if you think you'll be bad at them, people love to laugh at situations that didn't (but could just as easily have) happen to them.

If you're lost as to figuring out what to play, look up what has been played around the world-- One of my favorite types of games are the ones that have inspired extracurricular clubs outside of their productions: Indian college students have made the BBC's Just a Minute into something of a high-level academic tournament akin to American debate clubs.** The dearly-departed moderator for Just a Minute, Nicholas Parsons, took a trip to India for the BBC to document not just one of those tournaments but the program's fanbase there. Just a Minute's Indian Adventure was the documentary produced back in 2018 (coinciding with their recording episodes of JaM in Mumbai), do give it a watch if you have the opportunity.

In the Cyrillic-speaking world, the game show that has got homebrew of its own going is known as Что? Где? Когда?† It is one of the few shows that has the "Underground Countdown" subculture from The I.T. Crowd being a thing in real life. Not just in other countries doing their own version on television, but in regular tournaments where all the teams write questions to try and stump all the other teams, while trying to solve the riddles the other teams brought with them. I mean, all we're missing is the hardest phonk soundtrack you've ever heard and some adidas-branded clothing and you'd touch every single stereotype Americans associate with Russia in one package. Bingo, a full house, hands-down, eyes-up.

Old Man Goodson could have set a real nasty precedent back in the 1940s if he and Bill Todman thought to patent the lockout system he used for 'Winner Take All,' (nobody ever tried to do a quiz set up like a jump ball in basketball until that point) but their lack of capitalization on what they had has been the genre's overall gain as far as what or how to get in. See a game you like that ain't on anymore? Write your own, original questions for it, don't use their graphics, their sounds, or their trademarks, and get to producing something. Learn from Reg Grundy. Only seven stories in the world but an infinite number of ways to tell them? There's an equivalent amount of games in the world, and an equally equivalent number of ways to play them.

The idea in jazz is that you have to learn to imitate before you can innovate, to make your own contributions to the genre. I see no reason that same logic cannot apply to game shows or those looking to making any kind of art. Better content begins with you.

—in terms of a work update, I still ain't cracked shaders in Godot 4, but I am still trying. If I can get past this, I can start putting them on the main scene, and start getting the logic for it built. More info as it develops.

Sniff you jerks later.

Footnotes:

* [a very fine, artisanal, handcrafted crystal punchbowl that the BBC commissions especially for Mastermind, but a punchbowl nonetheless. For American conventions in the genre, prize descriptions containing fewer than ten words in it are usually reserved for 'zonks' or gag prizes; a cultural difference that is neither good nor bad but simply exists because​ the more airtime spent on it, the more the manufacturer/supplier/sponsor paid the production in order to have George Gray or Rod Roddy or Gene Wood or Johnny Gilbert say that about it. And Americans have been conditioned to be more impressed by prizes than they are by trophies.

That's also without mentioning the fact that British game show productions work a different compensation scheme for their contestants than their American cousins; a lot of times it will include spotting a contestant the train fare and a hotel room to be at the studio on tape day, as opposed to the absolutely non-existent mass transit system we have in the USA. Whatever; that's a soapbox for another day for a mentally-ill neurodivergent trying to keep their head down as it is in a country that absolutely loathes the disabled.]

** [The OG radio show works like this: one player is given a topic (e.g. "my favorite joke") and, on the moderators' cue, will speak on that topic for as long as they can without violating one of three standing rules: "Hesitation" (meaning you can break this rule if you don't immediately begin speaking on the moderator's cue), "Repetition" (down to the word, but some allowances are given for words as part of the topic itself), or "Deviation" (Stay on target. Your anecdotes have to have some bearing on the topic. Objections on factual inaccuracies stated by the speaker have been upheld as deviation, but monologues that are presented as flights of fancy are more or less allowed as long as they conform to the three standing rules). The other participants are listening in to raise objections whenever the speaker breaks one of those rules, and the prevailing party to an objection is given a point -- if overruled, the object-ee continues on the moderator's cue, if sustained, the object-or assumes the role as the current speaker on the topic to be continued on the moderator's cue. The topics are timed, and the current speaker when a minute ("Just a Minute") of total speaking has elapsed is given a point.

The Rule of Funny, although never stated outright, takes precedent over all of those rules; the moderator is empowered to award points for objections that normally would be overruled but drew a decent amount of laughs from the audience (the current speaker is still awarded a point for prevailing on an objection). The moderator is also empowered to have the audience decide stalemates based on a cheer/boo system on the moderator's cue, the loudest noise prevailing.

These particular rules do not appear to apply to the collegiate play I have seen, which I totally understand the reasons for why they need to would do that. Collegiate play also includes an extra rule or two to discourage competitors from metagaming, which I also totally understand.

From what I can tell, JaM is the first British game show format to ever be imported to American television screens. It ran on the DuMont network as One Minute Please in 1954 but could not find a sponsor after a year. Unfortunate, but that seemed to be the operative word for the DuMont Network's fortunes.]

† ['Chto? Gde? Kogda?' or literally 'What? Where? When?'-- totally different kettle of fish from the American Who, What, or Where Game

A game show that has flourished across two modes of production, the game's usual play loop involves a team of six experts playing against the viewing audience. Viewers send in riddles (a lot of downright clever ones from ones I've amateurishly-translated) for the experts to argue over for sixty seconds before the nominated captain for that round submits an answer. If the experts get it right, they take the round. If not, the viewers take it. Regulation matches are a best-of-13 affair, with a tournament structure I've not quite understood having the expert teams vie for position in order to square off against the viewers in an annual championship game.

Tom Scott's absolutely phenomenal Laterial is the closest analogue I know of currently in the English-speaking world (and if anybody in this world decided to become The Riddler in real life, we would be doomed seven ways to Sunday if his producer, David Bodycombe, decided he was to be That Guy. He's been a cool dude in my interactions with him but I'm still gonna try to stay on his good side, just in case). In 2011, Merv Griffith Productions took the black-tie-formal aesthetic from the original Russian production and converted it into a high-stakes, James-Bond-at-a-Bacharat-Table-tensioned type affair (complete with Authentic Mancunian Vernon Kay in a white tux to emcee) as Million Dollar Mind Game for ABC, a network who (apparently not knowing what to do with it) burned it off putting it on Sunday afternoons against late-season NFL games that were so inconsequential that not even season ticket holders were bothering to show up to.

But the original show and the story of its creation are why I put Ch?G?K? on my shortlist game shows as a legitimate work of art, along with Korea's Genius Game and USA's $25,000 Pyramid and a bunch of other shows that have really come to stretch even the least-plausible definition of 'shortlist.' ]

[tag-that-oc]

QUESTION! Are there any obvious ideas I missed for an OC I will share that will flesh them out more? (I say obvious because developing unique ideas isn't your job. I'd like to ask, since you as a collective blog have experience with original characters).

Essentially, her name is Koda, and she is a twenty-one-year-old human(oid) who's a bit messed up. I intentionally autism-coded her (and have been debating/nervous about making it canon), since I am autistic, and I wanted to give her a few traits that I feel 'boiling' inside of me. She's particularly interested in creating stuff from other things, especially exotic materials (from, say, exotic sources).

More specifically, she's an absolute fan of monsters and freaky animals. Even more specifically, she makes crafts out of them, such as manipulating hard pieces of animal to create weapons (blunt heads, blades, mechanism shells for more complex stuff), using skin to create unique leather, either for style or for unique purposes (a fire-based monster's leather being fireproof? Good for a journal, maybe?), and finally, making meats and organs into foods.

Her past isn't the best. Her (supposed) biological parents died protecting the town they lived in while she was young, being adopted by a soldier who had found her wandering. This man, named Elmer, was mostly nice, but he intentionally isolated her from groups of people he didn't like (which is dangerous, since the world is rather strict about hate-fueled actions), which mostly included people who went against the typical stuff of nature (the queer community of that world). She did have internet access, but since she believed him, she also believed that she was reading nonsense (as he had told her).

A stranger who was injured met her, and she managed to dig up the courage to help him to a clinic. He helped her gain the confidence to socialize with others by listening to her rambling as they walked. Not only that, he asked questions and was generally a nice person in return for her helping him.

This let her interact with people she didn't understand fully and slowly began to come to an understanding. The nonsense she read online was real--and these people weren't bumbling idiots, they were genuine people, who weren't forcing anything onto anybody. Because of the people Elmer tried to hide from her, she learned more about herself than she ever would with him alone. She was attracted to women, as opposed to men, and it added a little more sense to her life.

When confronting Elmer with this, however, he grew irrationally angry and grew far more aggressive than he had EVER been in her life--alongside this, he did something for the first time and punished her with actual pain and injury. In his manic state, he forced his own daughter's hands into their furnace, and although it was only for a few seconds, the damage had been done.

He made her go outside and seemed to regret the irrational and violent reaction, but not before a familiar stranger had wandered the streets he had before and caught his eye on a silhouette familiar to him. The man who had unintentionally given the courage to explore approached her. She didn't cry, yet her blankness explained more than enough. The man looked inside the building to see another man he recognized, and not positively. The furnace, the familiar man, and the cowering young woman with seared hands, it was not hard for him to piece it all together.

The familiar stranger curtly explained for her to sneak in, take her things, and flee somewhere, intentionally trying to engage her survival instincts so she could be safe from Elmer. As she blearily complied, he ran in with his blade and raked scars across the man. She had given him a request, blurry yet clear, and he complied. The man was left sobbing, blaming Koda as she blankly ran with blood streaking down his flesh. The man with the blade imparted to him that he would not hurt her again, and knocked him unconscious.

The series of events was unfortunate, but she went to the only other place she knew for real; her parents were not from the village she was born in, and so, she made her way to a place known as Timu town. It was a respectable journey on foot, but she managed to make it, nearly falling unconscious just as she stepped into town. Yet, a woman found her. Not only did she find her, she took her to her home, and nursed her until she awoke.

For a while, although the woman let her stay, Koda remained closed to her, not even exchanging names with her. Yet, the woman pried into her with wisdom that could only be responded to with respect and comfort. Her name was Rhoane, and Rhoane listened to what Koda had to say with a similar respect to the familiar stranger who had given her this opportunity.

And, so, Rhoane allowed Koda to live with (as long as she contribute to the household of course), and Koda's life has been alright since!

Yet, (spoilery for her story), she doesn't realize that Rhoane is the mother of the familiar stranger, *and* her grandmother!... And that the familiar stranger is her father.

Uhh... sorry for rambling. Again, if there are any easy ideas I'm missing to flesh her character out, please point them out! If not, just have my rambling.

She sounds really interesting!! sounds like you've done a really good job of fleshing her out already. Not a specific idea, but I find that if a character needs fleshing out more something that helps is putting them in various different situations that they wouldn't end up in canonically to figure out how they would react in those situations. And sometimes you find out new things about them in the process!

[my-castles-crumbling]

hiya cas! i hope youre well 😊

so, i have some medical issues (nothing serious!! probably - im still waiting for a proper diagnosis but ive had a few appointments and tests etc and have been assured its nothing to be concerned about) and so i obviously have to go to hospital appointments sometimes for the aforementioned tests and discussions. it was scary at first (i hadnt been in a hospital since the day i was born up until this point, and i was 18 when i had my first of these appointments) but its easier now, but im still a little stressed

im not technically estranged from my family - i still live at home with both parents, and we're on decent enough terms - but we dont really have any sort of important conversations. or any personal conversations either. so i guess we're just not really close? idk. anyway, this has meant i have absolutely no idea what any of my family medical history is. i had to find out through my older sister that my father was diagnosed with diabetes four years ago (and she only found out because she worked at the pharmacy where he got his stuff from), and my eldest brother was the one who told me my grandparents' causes of death (they died before my birth and my parents never mention them), but they dont know any more than that either

this hasnt been an issue for me before, because obviously ive never needed to know. ive never been asked about it, but now that my own health isnt right, i kinda need to know. in my first appointment i got asked about it, but i told the doctor i didnt know and would ask at home

i did ask, to be fair. i spoke to my mother and explained why i needed to know but she just kind of... brushed it off? idk if thats the right way to phrase it. she said there was some vague thing about heart issues but she didnt say anything specifically, or which side of the family it came from, or anything all thay helpful at all

its so frustrating because im not the first of their kids to need this information. my sister has medical problems too (different issues than mine though) and our parents were no help with her either

i spoke to a friend about it last autumn when i first went to hospital and he looked at me so oddly, it made me feel so broken, i guess. apparently discussing medical history isnt a taboo subject in most households, because he knew all of his and he's never been to hospital for anything. but the way he looked at me like i was weird or something for not knowing was awful. again, it made me feel genuinely broken and damaged. it was kind of one of those moments where you realise 'oh, my family isnt normal' and it sucked, because i thought id had that realisation years ago

its happened with some other stuff too (i.e. telling parents about a relationship, friends, interests, spending time with family etc) and it just... it really sucks. i dont know what else there is to say than that ig lol

i was going somewhere with this ask, but ive kinda gotten off track and now i cant remember, soooo.... have a good day! thanks for reading my ramble 🥰

Hi hon!

I’m so sorry, whose moments of realization suck, truly. Please know that you did nothing wrong <3 

Because this is a health thing, I do have some advice for you (ignore me if you want!) There are forms on the internet that have questions about family history. Print one out and just give it to your mom and dad. Don’t give them room to question it. Say your doctor needs it, and you need them to fill it out.

I wonder, though, if your parents don’t share their history with you, they might not know their parents history. A lot of times, these kinds of things that happen in families are passed down. 

But yeah. Just give them a form and make it a health thing. You deserve that info. 

Again, please know that you are NOT broken, and it has nothing to do with you <3

(naming you medical anon)

[vadapega]

Rummaging through my old room I find this, a traditional flip note of Pantufa the Cat from 2011 or earlier, with rusty staples and, according to the numbers on the corner, missing frames.

For detailed ramblings of hidden memories this unlocked, click for more

I've always wanted to be an animator and, while I didn’t have the software or hardware for digital animation, I wanted to practice is as much as I could. This was the best I could put together at the age of 16.

I would do small scale animations at the edges of notebooks or draft ideas in comic form with notes before I knew what a Storyboard was. Back then I didn't even have a stable internet connection in the first place, this was around the time I had to share a PC with my older brother who would kick me out at any opportunity and hog the PC for the entire day, only letting me on at the last minute, where I would get an earful from my parents and be told to go to bed, it was a nightmare to do anything digitally...

The first drawing tablet I got was considered scrap the moment I got it for Christmas. No screen, wobbly inaccurate pen (can't draw a straight line without it looking like lightning), Silvercrest branded (basically, LIDL), it was as cheap as it could be but it was my introduction to "not using the mouse to draw" which it did not help with as even today revisiting it makes me want to draw with a mouse more.

Things were very strict and if something did what it needed to do, it didn't need to be replaced. "That's what I had been taught"If it ain't broke, don't fix it" was the motto for my family and that mentality stuck to me even to the present day. I still find myself using MSPaint for Pixelart or drawings, as spending for anything greater is hardwired in my brain as "unnecessary" or "wasteful", hell, I wasn't even allowed to spend money outside of school purchases such as at the cafeteria (they had a kickass card charging system which made the school I attended in Germany around 2016-2019 look medieval in comparison which is incredible since Portugal isn't the first thing you think of when it comes to technological advancements), so any money I would get for Christmas or birthdays was practically useless and I never learned to manage income. I would sometimes find my mom take the money off my piggy bank for groceries and other goods when she was running low, she didn't try to lie, she had no reason to.

Anything I can get for free is what I stick by and I'll only spend money if I absolutely have to or, more recently, if it benefited close friends in any way, as I've learned to have no regard for my own well being and should be ashamed for even considering it, others always take priority.

So when it comes to animation today, I have a "yar har" version of Toon Boom Studio 8.0 for bigger things (I've tried OpenToonz but it's very crash happy and I've lost hours of animation with it even with the backup and auto save features on, back in the day I had a a copy of Flash CS4 I grabbed from the school computers that I got to work after some tinkering and a well placed crack) and for Pixelart I just use Windows XP's MSPaint and abuse scroll-wheel and window resizing shenanigans to advance frames. I don't get much time to practice animation and I get easily excited to have a chance at it.

I'm under my own mental shackles at all times and that's not going to change, only further cemented by the elitist mindset the Sonic Hacking community and SRB2 had taught me, a mindset I regret adopting and one I catch myself going back to and feeling ashamed of every now and then, leading only to depressive episodes that are best left for a psychologist to deal with... should I ever find the opportunity to seek one without time and language barrier issues.

As the years go by and I find myself doing or just refining Pixelart than to do animated pieces, I've given up hope in being an animator in the foreseeable future, only dedicating animation to those done in private between friends, never allowing myself to clean up or refining it in any meaningful way unless asked for because I shouldn't. It's why I tend to ask for suggestions or characters to add for animations I plan to do, cause I don't want it to be for me, I want it to be for those I can make happy to see it.

---

Before I hit "Post", a reminder that there are people much worse off than I am, these are just memories and 1st world problems and should be nobody's priority. Please support growing young artists and animators, they need it more than some washed up wanna-be animator that is known for nothing else but basic Sonic ROM hacks disguised to look impressive via a coat of MSPaint.

[equixen]

It’s official. It’s now been one year since I rewatched the three Walden Media Narnia movies and sent myself on quite the fandom journey.

As someone who has been in and out of many fandoms over the years to varying degrees, this fandom in particular has become truly special to me and while I’m in a reflective mood, I thought I would post something in honour of my first year in this fandom.

I will probably take this down In future when I inevitably become self-conscious about how much I have shared about myself on the internet but, for now… behold my rambly post about my journey to discovering Narnia, my first year in the fandom and why Narnia is so important to me. And sorry in advance to anyone who actually decides to read this because it definitely became a bit long :)

I’m not sure when my Narnia journey started exactly but I remember reading The Horse and His Boy when I was quite young, long before 2005 when I saw the first movie. I simply picked up that book because it was about a horse and back then, I read everything about horses. :) I don’t remember whether I enjoyed it but I imagine I might have been a bit confused at times since I literally knew nothing about the world of Narnia at the time. I do still have that copy of The Horse and His Boy though.

Sometime after that, 2005 came around and I ended up seeing The Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe at the cinema with my sister. I absolutely LOVED it and quickly jumped into reading the original TLTWATW novel. I later saw Prince Caspian and The Voyage of the Dawn Treader as they each came out but I didn’t feel like they were as good as the first for different reasons (I thought PC was too much like TLTWATW in terms of the grand epic battle and TVOTDT was too different from the others with it being set on a ship the whole time). I had no idea about how closely PC and TVOTDT resembled the books they were based on because at that point, I had only read The Horse and His Boy and TLTWATW novels.

I had quite fond memories about the movie series as a whole though and had been wanting to rewatch for a while as I hadn't seen any of them since 2010 after TVOTDT came out. So, at the start of March 2023, I finally sat down to watch all three in the space of one weekend on Disney+.

The timing was important because this just happened to line up with the start of my gap-year (of sorts) from work. Both my husband and I had the great fortune of being able to take all of 2023 off work to focus on hobbies and just destress after our respective last few years. A mini trial retirement if you will. I had grand plans of catching up on various video editing projects through the year but after rewatching the Narnia movies, those plans quickly evaporated.

Not only do I love all three movies equally now (they are just so darn heartwarming), I felt super nostalgic while watching them and loved their messages of personal growth and learning to believe in one’s self (the latter of which, I still struggle with). I also found myself feeling so sad about the endings of Prince Caspian and The Voyage of the Dawn Treader knowing the Pevensies would never return to Narnia (a feeling which will become significant later on in this post). Although, that sadness was nothing compared to the sadness I felt once I found out what happened to all the Pevensies (and Susan in particular) in The Last Battle. I was gutted when I found out about that, but I digress.

Anyway, I also found myself feeling super intrigued by the enemies-to-lovers potential for Caspian and Peter and after reading a few fanfics, I quickly became obsessed with Caspeter and the franchise as a whole. I promptly purchased all three movies on Blu-ray so I could try editing a video montage about Caspian and Peter and, as soon as the Blu-rays arrived, I watched all three movies again. Partly for ‘research’ for my video but mostly because I just wanted to live in that world again. I also managed to convince my husband to watch them with me and while he’s not nearly as big a fan as I am, I’m happy to say that at least some of my enthusiasm for the series has rubbed off on him over the last 12 months lol.

By the end of 2023, I had watched each of these movies no fewer than four times each and read all the novels too. While I currently consider the Walden Media movies to be my favourite adaption, I also really enjoyed watching the BBC TV show adaption which I found to be utterly charming. I’m also a fan of Doctor Who, including the classic serials of the 60’s through to the 80’s, so the episodic feel, style and lower budget of the BBC Narnia series just reminded me of the classic Doctor Who serials in all the best ways. I also adored the Focus on the Family radio plays and, while you might think I’d be happy to stop there with the various adaptions… nope, I have now lined up the old animated The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe movie to watch this weekend and I also want to try and get my hands on the BBC’s Narnia audio plays too :)

Back to the Caspeter video montage I mentioned… well, one video was quickly followed by three more but upon finishing and uploading the fourth, a Caspeter reunion video edit, I secretly hoped it might inspire a fanfic writer to write something based on the video’s premise. It quickly became apparent however, that I already had the story in my head. I simply had to write it down.

Thus, my first Caspeter fanfic was born. This was the first time in 20 years that I tried writing fan fiction (although the first fic I wrote was for the Xena fandom which was a one-time thing for a school assignment so it’s barely worth counting). My first Caspeter one-shot was quickly followed by a second and that second one has since been expanded into a 62k word fic. Where that came from, I still have no idea. :) So, between the 6 videos and 3 fanfics (one of which is practically a novel), I think I can safely say I’ve never been more inspired by a fandom.

So, why do I love Narnia? I have been giving this some thought and, while this is not a definitive list, I think these are the main reasons why this series now means so much to me.

Well, to start, the Pevensie sibling I relate to the most is the movie version of Peter. I’m also the oldest sibling in my family and even though I try not to, I often take things personally when my opinions/suggestions are overruled, especially in a work setting. I really struggle not to become defensive in those situations and hate it when things in my life feel like they are outside of my control. But I’m also intensely loyal towards my family and friends and just want fairness and equality for everyone. Basically, I’m a delight. But only when you get to know me and I let my guard down around you :)

I love all the Pevensies though and I especially adore their sibling relationship. Though they may be dysfunctional at times and poke fun at each other, it’s clear they still care deeply for each other. Sadly, the differences in personality between my younger sister and I are too insurmountable at times and often gets in the way of us getting along.

The world of Narnia is absolutely fascinating. I’ve been obsessed with Greek Mythology for as long as I can remember thanks to growing up watching Xena: Warrior Princess and Hercules: The Legendary Journeys on TV during the 90’s so I love that Narnia is filled with creatures from the ancient Greek myths. And who doesn’t want a talking horse as their best friend?!

As for Caspeter, I can’t help but see similarities in the personality dynamics between Caspian and Peter (well, my head canons of their relationship based on their personality traits in the movies) and my husband and I. My husband is definitely the calmer and more balanced one out of the two of us and while he doesn’t see it this way, I do think he has the patience of a saint for putting up with my emotional tendencies as well as my fandom obsessions (especially this fandom, given how much it has taken over my life lol).

And on a more general note, the stories of lovers being separated and either, finding each other again after a long period of time or being forever separated because of the cruelties of fate, have always resonated with me. So that, combined with my other love of stories featuring enemies-to-lovers relationships, I feel like the Caspeter pairing was made for me :)

I haven't mentioned religion so far, and that’s because I’m not religious, but I still very much appreciate the themes of belief/faith that run through the Narnia series as a whole. And while I don't personally believe in an afterlife, I've always loved the idea of there being a place after death where people can be reunited with their loved ones. Yeah, as you can probably tell from my writing, I fear being without my husband one day.

And lastly, the characters having to go back to their world and being unable to return to Narnia quickly became symbolic for the end of my year off (my personal version of Narnia) and the start of 2024 when I would have to go back to work. And that transition back to full-time work was about as difficult as I expected it to be, let me tell you.

It does feel like my obsession with Narnia came along at just the right time to take on real meaning in my life and I’d venture to say that Narnia/Caspeter has become one of my top five fandoms of all time. Because if I didn't watch those three movies when I did at the start of 2023, I wouldn't have had as much time to spend on making video montages and therefore probably wouldn't have gotten to the point of making that one particular video that inspired me to write fanfic for the first time. I certainly wouldn’t have had the time to focus on writing a fanfic that became as long as it did. And, I probably wouldn't have connected with the franchise so strongly either if I wasn’t experiencing my own personal version of Narnia in real life and if I didn’t have my husband in my life to help inspire my personal head canons of the Caspeter relationship.

So, now I'm back at work, what is next for me?

Well, I sadly won't have as much time to contribute to the fandom anymore and I highly doubt I’ll have the time or patience to write anything as long as ‘Our Hands Are Tied’ turned out to be, but you never know. Before a year ago, if anyone suggested I was about to write any fan fiction at all AND post it online for the first time, I would have thought they were crazy. So, anything is possible :)

That said, Narnia and Caspeter are still very much at the forefront of my mind despite now being back at work. I have two general Narnia videos (one about the Pevensies and one about Susan) that I started last year so I want to try and finish those soon. Plus, I have a few more Caspeter video ideas I’ve been thinking about maybe doing AND I have two new ideas for Caspeter fanfics that have popped into my brain over the last few weeks (one of which definitely warrants a longer word count if I write it). So, we shall see what comes of those :)

So yeah, happy one year Narnia anniversary to me! :) And stay tuned for what else might come out of my brain I guess :)

[emathyst9]

Introduction!!!

Hello hello random people on the internet

I'm Emathyst, but you can call me Em, and I'm a digital artist that likes to ramble about my interests, share some important real world things, and who also very rarely posts some traditional art

I mainly like FNaF, Touhou Project, Genshin, Honkai Impact and Star Rail, but my other interests include Kirby, The Legend of Zelda, Super Mario, and other mostly game media (and Dead Plate even though it's not a series)

I haven't been here very long so it would be appreciated if you decided to like and/or reblog some of my posts, or maybe even follow me if you want (seriously i came from twitter and its weird decision to suppress my posts it would mean the absolute world)

More stuffs!!!

My DMs are open, though I'm not good with conversation so apologies if you DM me and don't get a quick response

My asks are also open, so ask me anything you want about any of the media I like or even send me some drawing ideas if you want! (please i beg you i need ideas I get art blocked soooo easy)

BEFORE YOU FOLLOW

An elaboration on my "general DNI"

No explicit NSFW accounts since I just don't care for it and I want this to be a safe space for minors (but if you are under 14 please kindly log off you should not be on Tumblr of all sites), and no pedos, zoophiles, proshippers, homophobes or any LGBTQ+phobes of the sort, no racists, no zionists, ableists and basically no weird creepy people allowed here! If you don't block me you're getting blocked first if I catch you pal

That's all folks, thank you for reading!

Oh also I have a Straw Page now you know the thingy people use on Twitter it's here

[myopicry]

Just popping in to say that I saw your post about the struggles of having healthy discussions about feminism on here (and other places) and just wanted to say that I relate!! (especially with the last ask I sent which you replied to with much eloquence as always)

But I think there's still some interesting discussions being had on different sides, and it's honestly amazing when we think about the mere concept of communities online, especially for things like feminism. I mean hell, I owe tumblr so much despite everything! I found your blog, for example :3

Don't despair!! Take breaks whenever you want to, hell you can disappear off the surface of this site if you'd like (tell me first tho >:!). History generally tends to lean towards progress, I believe. We will all be okay!

(sorry this was unprompted and unsolicited but I couldn't help but butt in lol)

Yours truly, 🪼

you are really too kind dear jellyfish anon lolol and the message is absolutely welcome, this is a great message and reminder!

I find myself somewhat oscillating from incredibly hopeful and cherishing the world to incredibly nihilistic about my own life and the progression of my generation, probably because despite my best efforts I still do not touch nearly enough grass to be mentally consistent, but you do make a great point and it's a good way to view the world !! I get pretty cynical about the internet sometimes, that might just be a side effect of being raised on it unfortunately. however, as you say, it is pretty dang incredible that we have this portal to a vast amount of knowledge, thought, and communication at our fingertips. it would be a shame to not explore it and take advantage of the unique kinds of interaction and community that it is possible to maintain online. and I suppose the more people who stay hopeful about this digital future, the more likely it is that it will be possible.

I never thought I'd get any kind of attention on this blog (well, I hoped I would get a little attention, that is what social media is for and it is a very human instinct to be noticed by our peers lmao) but I'm just happy that there's even a handful of people who get something out of my less hinged often-written-in-a-dark-room-at-ungodly-hours rambling. and of course, I'm always happy that there are so many people (anon included, of course!) who share their own thoughts and wonderful, thought provoking writing.

I've been thinking lately about how I often encounter male writers/bloggers/artists with opinions and writings and art that might go against the status quo, or wax philosophical about their own struggles and the state of society, and they get the glory of praise and large platforms and funding, while many of the most personally engrossing female thinkers I've found are hidden in secret blogs, forums, or web archives. it is quite sad too that men are afforded the luxury of being philosophers and great thinkers and are allowed to be flawed, complex, or controversial while still being respected in academia and public discourse, whereas women pushing new ideas or discourse are expected to placate and honor men and the status quo of femininity or else they're shunned and hidden in the public eye completely. but what I value is that with some dedication and the willingness to explore new ideas online, I can still find these women and find the interesting things they write and make, even if they're not pushed by some all-consuming algorithm or if they're forced to make their own spaces in the expansive online world. I'm glad that there's always a possibility to find something valuable amongst a sea of terrible things (because the internet is certainly quite full of terrible things). which, I guess this is also just how life works in general. a lot of terrible stuff, but the beauty of it is that some hope in finding the gold hidden in there is always possible.

aaaand that got weirdly philosophical at the end lmao. I guess I do just like to hear myself talk sometimes :p

to tl;dr though, lovely lovely ask I really appreciate the sentiment and the message, and I'm more than happy to get a little infusion of hope in my inbox! thank you so much for stopping by again as usual (and I look forward to seeing you again soon ヾ(＾∇＾) ) !!

[ophiespeaks]

Illiteracy in higher education.

i usually don’t post about my personal life on here but i had an interaction so confusing that i wanted to share it into void. if i talk to any of my friends about it it’s too personal and i feel like i’m making fun of this person specifically so internet anonymity is the better option.

So, I essentially work as a writing tutor at my university. People come in and have me look over their academic work and I point to sentences or paragraphs and tell them what I think needs improved or explain to them why a concept works and that sort of thing. I had someone come to me applying for grad school (Yippieee!!) and they asked about a specific type of paper/assignment that can be included in a grad school application that I’ve personally never worked with before. Instead of being like “sorry dog i’ve never applied to grad school” and calling it a day, I decided we would collaboratively look for sources with the information they needed. They watched me almost confused as I scrolled down the first few results and clicked on a website from something like the university of Illinois. they then asked me why i scrolled. almost absentmindedly, i kind of just gave a brief explanation while looking for an example paper, something like “oh, it’s an edu.” They were confused. So, i ramble-explained that .edu, .org, and .gov are all semi-reliable sources when compared to a .com. with further prompting i explained some of the nuances. for example, a .com is commercial, it can be owned by anyone who wants to or in some cases pays for the website to stay up/keep the url. meanwhile i explained edu is educational-sites only, like college homepages, .org is an official organization that has to have some level of verification and documentation that they’re a real company, and .gov is an offfical government site. this person then asked me what does the difference mean in terms of including them in things like essays and research. essentially, I just explained that while .coms are often correct based off of a lose honor system (people wouldn’t visit their site if they were wrong about stuff), they’re almost always secondhand information just conglomerated into one site. (think of wikipedia, for example.) Versus anything published on a .org is probably organization findings, or on a .edu it’s probably professor/instructor research and grad school datasets conducted at the university, a .gov is officially released government information which includes a wide variety of things. but, at its core, the three others are more likely to provide primary sources, finding the original study, data, quote, etc.

i didn’t think too much about it at the time but I’m actually going crazy over it now. I thought that I was incredibly tech illiterate. but— applying for graduate school and not knowing the real difference on why you’d use a .edu over a .com was insane to me. after further thought into this subject I honestly don’t even blame this individual. i genuinely think education, both public and university, are FAILING to teach people not only basic english skills, but basic online navigation.

this person was only 3-6 years older than me. university professors ask you to use APA formatted citations with academic sources and don’t even bother to read your citation list, calling it good enough if it looks correct when they skim over it. not to mention the citation list was almost absolutely generated on perdue owl’s APA 7 generator site. this lack of attention and honestly care of these instructors to teach, combined with the idea of “no child left behind” being implemented is currently allowing adults, some applying for GRADUATE school, to miss crucial aspects of academic writing. what’s worse is this person is studying language. i really don’t blame them— you don’t know what you’re never taught. i’m more upset that the institution had this person go through four years for their bachelor’s degree and somehow never taught them why you should try and use other urls/websites than a .com for an academic source. of course, there are exceptions to this rule, obviously. and, again, .com sites can absolutely be correct. but the fact that i had to explain this to someone applying for graduate school makes me not think that this PERSON is ignorant, but that the education system has failed to teach them the proper channels and methodology for what they’re doing.

this lends to a much bigger issue that I’m seeing in my workplace. that is, English-native speakers not being able to write…anything. illiteracy is no joke. and i work with people with learning disabilities and such pretty frequently— that’s not what I’m talking about. in fact, those writers are often more receptive to feedback and are actually easier to work with than someone who just wants me to “proofread” their essays. I’m not talking about writers with learning disabilities. however, I’ve seen honors-colloquium english students come in with some of the most unreadable garbage i’ve ever seen. and i don’t mean that to be an asshole. i mean, literally, i don’t even know what they’re writing about for half a page because i can’t understand their sentences. common mistakes i see, listed in no particular order:

1. Typing something out how it sounds. A correct sentence would be “David and I walked down town, looking for our lost dog.” I’ve seen a similar sentence that actually said “David an I walked downtown, looking four hour lost dog.”

2. Missing Punctuation. I mean genuinely no punctuation, anywhere. the entire essay is a run-on sentence. (I tutor only at the college level, for reference.) This also includes contractions not having the necessary apostrophe. I’ve seen “im,” “weve” “hasnt” more times than i want to admit.

3. Sentence structure. As in, no one knows how to write one. I get sentence fragments all the time. “Jumped on the bed and sat down.” While you can start on a verb, it most commonly has to be in gerund form (-ing words, in this case, Jumping.) Also, this sentence has no real subject, making it just feel wrong inserted into a larger paragraph. Who’s jumping? Your guess is as good as mine.

4. Right word, wrong type. “Your” versus “You’re.” “There” “Their” “They’re.” This sort of thing. Apostrophe “re” (‘re) signifies “are,” as in “You are” or “They are.” For the other two: There is where we go, I’m headed over there. Their has an “I,” so we’re talking about people, as in, The car is theirs. Another one much more uncommon that personally upsets me when I do see it is “Through,” “Threw,” and “Thru.” We’re going through the tunnel, and she threw the bottle behind her. Threw is a verb, an action word, whereas through is a preposition, adverb, and/or an adjective. “Going through” is an adverb, for example. Thru is a drive thru. You’re picking up a McChicken and a coke.

5. Misunderstanding nuance. This is almost exclusively seen in essays for english courses where they’re reading a book, sometimes something like a play or they watched a movie, but usually it’s a book. This is less “technically” wrong and more…media illiteracy than anything else. For example, I had someone write an essay on why they thought it was stupid that Gatsby was narrated by Nick Carroway. I wanted to hold their hand while I explained why, in fact, it was a purposeful and deliberate choice from Fitzgerald to make Gatsby the focal point but NOT the narrator. That it wasn’t an oversight because the author was stupid. I love literature analysis. But there’s a difference between having a different interpretation of a piece versus just fundamentally misunderstanding it. One of my favorite topics I’ve ever written about is the queer-coded nature of Carroway and Gatsby and symbolism in the novel, which might not be the author’s intent and most likely isn’t the same read that EVERY individual reading Gatsby had. There’s a difference between adding interpretation versus straight up just…not understanding a big part of it.

There’s absolutely more examples but to avoid redundancy (another huge issue in essays I read, but I digress), my point is that schools have failed us. Covid, no child left behind, etc. have ensured that everyone passes so long as they turn their work in. Not just that- completing an assignment is a 100% A+ in most cases. A professor is questioned and hated for giving a bad grade to a bad essay because the student has been Pavlov’d into thinking that turning in essay = A. they aren’t getting better because there’s no upper grade for them. if they can get a perfect grade turning in word vomit, why would they ever give a shit? why would they ever try to get better? but then, they encounter the one professor who doesn’t give easy grades. who wants their work to excel, who wants them to produce something of substance. and not only do they suffer greatly because of educational mishandling outside of their control, but then they blame the PROFESSOR, who only wants better for them. it’s a cycle that keeps everyone hating each other instead of hating the real villain of all of this. The American Education system.

I’m gonna get off of my soapbox because I could genuinely be here all day. Also, if I made any grammar or punctuation errors here and you think pointing it out is some epic “OWNING,” i assure you it is not. because the difference is that this is an unedited tumblr text post that is still written better than 75% of the essays that come across my desk.

[spyroforlife]

23!

23.What work of yours would you like to have the biggest impact on the fandom?

Ooh.. tbh that's a tough one because I don't necessarily WANT to have a big impact on fandom at all, I'm just out to write self-indulgent lil things I enjoy and hopefully get feedback from people who come across my writing and also enjoy it, I write for myself but I also love discussing my works with others.

Storytime but I once had a very impactful fanfic, though this was while I was in the Gravity Falls fandom and it was midway through season 2, a VERY active time to be in the fandom. I wrote a BillDip fanfic called Payment in Blood that was pretty much just spawned from me drawing some stereotypical dark!Dipper corrupted by Bill Cipher artwork, and I thought. Hey I could turn this into a story. So I did, and what started out as a needlessly violent and gorey dark fic written for shits and giggles gained a huge following, to the point that you probably couldn't be a BillDip fan in late 2014 to 2015 and not know about it. I had people giving me suggestions to incorporate into the storyline and popular artists were drawing fanart for me, and when I showed up in art livestreams people would get all excited about me being there and want to discuss the story with me

Of course in livestreams I always made sure to gently redirect attention back to the artist, it felt rude to talk about my own stuff while someone else is sharing their art process with us, but it was really overwhelming tbh?? It was a LOT of attention to have on me and I felt a lot of pressure to make sure the story was absolutely perfect, and I think by the end I was really running out of steam and struggling to wrap it up. I DID manage to finish the story, it even got a sequel, and looking back on it I'm satisfied with what it is. And the story inspired a lot of new stories and artwork and I love that so many people got inspired to create because of PiB. But I'll always remember that as a very strange time in my life

So I guess what I'm getting at is that while it's fun to THINK about having a popular work that has a lot of impact on the fandom and everyone knows about it, having experienced that before, I can honestly say I can take it or leave it. I LOVE when I can inspire people to make things, if someone gets an idea from something of mine and wants to spin it into their own story, absolutely! Please! And I love having discussions about the characters and their choices, and about my planning, and ideas that were considered but ultimately abandoned, etc. Having a popular fic is fine. But idk. I don't think I'd like it if a story of mine got so popular that other people who aren't interested are getting bothered about if they've read it. I wouldn't want discussions about it dominating a tag that should be more general. I certainly wouldn't want to get harassed over a story of mine, or worse, someone ELSE getting harassed just because they openly enjoyed it. I can handle rude Internet tough guys. But I would never want other people being attacked because I made something popular and people liked it and other people think that's bad

idk if that makes sense but yeah. Sorry if this is really rambly, it's just that I genuinely am unsure if I want to make an impact on fandom, instead I just kinda like being in my own corner and if other people wanna come into my corner and hang out, that's great! But I don't really need to make anything that EVERYONE knows about. While there's good sides to that, there's negatives as well, so eh. I just don't know.

But as an apology for such a long-winded answer. If I did need to choose one to have an impact. You know what.

Triple Life because omegaverse (sorta) Life series season is SUCH a ridiculous fucking idea and I'm so glad for the post that made me go "haha what if" and then actually write it. I think it'd be funny if people were doing like. Analysis and fanart and shit about this story of mine in particular. Look at my smutty Life series fanfic, boy