#it is SIX AM i have been OUT OF MY HOUSE because of a GAS LEAK but it's all GOOD NOW and i'm GOING TO BED

[dxppercxdxver]

*tomska voice* FLINTLOCK FORTRESS IS BACK BABEYYYYYYY. anyway uh. clapping pots and pans together You People Like Sniper/Spy? Come Get Your Sniper/Spy

[alexanderwales]

Notes on 3000 miles

Last year my doctor told me that I had high blood pressure, high cholesterol, and a high resting heartrate. So I started biking on an exercise bike, and by my best estimations, I'm either close to hitting 3000 miles or have already gone past that.

I should clarify that this wasn't all at once. I took many breaks.

So here are some notes.

When I started, I was on an exercise bike that my wife had gotten from her work. It wasn't the best, but it was free, and I made a deal with myself that if I biked every day for a month, then I could justify getting something better. I really really did not want to buy a piece of exercise equipment that would just sit in the house gathering dust, because that would feel awful ... but I do kind of wish that I had gotten the better bike sooner, because it removed some of the "friction" of exercise, where it felt like there were too many reasons not to get on the bike. The new exercise bike (a refurbished Peleton off Facebook marketplace that my wife got me for Christmas) really does just feel and move better. I think the general principle of not doing costly monetary commitments until you've shown costly personal commitment is a good one, however.

Blood pressure is in normal range. Cholesterol is in normal range. Resting heartrate is in normal range. This was all the case three months in, and this level of cardio is more than enough to maintain it.

Right now, I bike for thirty minutes a day, going 8-10 miles according to the bike. That range is enormous, because it represents vastly different amounts of work. Going 10 miles in 30 minutes is 20 miles an hour, and I keep the resistance relatively high, so by the end of it I'm always panting. By contrast, going 8 miles makes me feel like I didn't put in enough work.

My goal every day is sweat-based and completely qualitative. I want to soak through a shirt. This means that doing more laundry than I'd prefer to, which is an unanticipated consequence of the biking. It's also, compared to all the metrics the bike gives me, a very clear sign that I am actually exercising my body "properly" in a way that's achieving something.

I did some of the Peleton classes, and found a lot of the metrics to be motivating, but ... eh. Exercise is mostly about being healthy and maintaining my body, so my current strategy, for the last six months, has been to either shut the brain down or keep it fully engaged in something that passes the exercise time. Usually this means a TV show, especially a foreign one with subtitles, which need slightly more brainpower.

The final two minutes is always the worst. I'm just ready to be done with it. Sometimes there's gas left in the tank, but I still feel sweaty, thirsty, and overheated. I have a water bottle, and I drink from it while I bike, and I have a fan pointed at me that I turn on once I'm warmed up, but I always have a sense, in those last two minutes, of "finally I'm done". I tried the thinking man's solution, only biking for 28 minutes, and this did not help. In my entire year of biking a half hour a day, I didn't ever elect to go into overtime.

I initially lost ten pounds, then slowly gained it back. I am, in fact, overweight, but I'm holding more or less steady now, and there have definitely been some body composition changes, with muscle replacing fat. I went down about four inches at the waist. I've changed very little about how I eat (which is 90% meals that I cook myself, and a daily coffee drink of some kind, usually made myself with sugar/cream/chocolate). Biking amounts to 300-400 calories a day or something like that, so I'm presumably eating more to compensate and just not realizing it.

Mental health has been rocky, but that's just sort of how it is for me. I definitely feel less mentally well on days that I don't bike, and feel better afterward, but I have no idea how tight the correlation is, and if I had been keeping track on a mood tracker, I'm not sure I would be able to sus out from self-reported mood alone whether or not I was biking.

During the summer I replaced a lot of indoor exercise bike stuff with outdoor biking. My son has only recently learned to bike, so he's been with me many of these times. Usually that means that we're either biking a lot less distance, or we're biking for a lot longer time at much lower intensity, sometimes both. There's a bike path that's downhill from our house which goes for maybe six miles, with some good, clear turn back points, but that means a fairly arduous uphill to get back home. If I lived in a place where the weather wasn't frigid for almost half the year, I would probably be doing outdoor biking more.

I think the most important thing, if you're doing exercise every day, is making sure that you're doing it in such a way that it's sustainable and virtually incapable of injuring you. This mostly means proper form. Early on, I had a habit of pressing down the right pedal with the outside edge of my foot, and after fifteen minutes of doing that, the muscles in the foot would be aching and uncomfortable. I'm not sure why I was doing that, but it was difficult to get myself to bike in a way that wouldn't be putting strain on me.

I think it's okay to skip a day ... if it's for the right reason. Of the days that I've skipped, I always try to make sure the reason isn't "fuck it, I don't want to". I should either be feeling sick, feeling like I need to rest, or replacing biking with some other form of exercise like a hike in the woods or some weightlifting or something. If I start skipping days because I just don't feel like it, that's where the whole scheme falls apart.

I am currently sort of wondering how long this is going to go on for, and I think the answer is "for the rest of my life", or at least until I'm unable to keep it up for whatever reason. I don't think there's any particular reason to prefer an exercise bike (or regular bike) over running or rowing or some other form of cardio, but I think I have proven to myself that this is cardio I can do daily and stick with it to the level that is probably necessary for me to stay healthy. I'm not committed to doing it for the rest of my life, since in theory some other form of cardio might come along and sweep me off my feet.

I do wish that I had started earlier in my life, even if daily exercise has not been the panacea for mental health that I had been kind of hoping it would be. I hope that I have the willpower and wisdom to keep up with it indefinitely.

[aledethanlast]

If I'm already on the topic of the foxes and grown ups, let's talk about Kevin.

I think Kevin mellows out a lot by the time he goes pro. In part because there's not nearly so large an axe over his neck anymore, but largely because around his fourth year, when pro teams start seriously trying to recruit him, he realizes that his caustic and dismissive attitude towards his teammates can't really fly anymore. It's a Raven behavior, a label he's both disavowed and been disowned by, and most coaches are not his dad who will let him do whatever and kowtow to his expertise. He was an assistant coach for one semester, and never a captain. His behavior has a deadline and if he misses it, it might end his career. He's gonna need to make an actual effort.

And he wants to make the effort! He always admired the Trojans for their good nature, and while he is definitely a fox, he thinks he'd very much like being part of a more friendly team.

So when he signs on to his first pro team (the culmination of six weeks of studying various teams for play style, lineups, press reputation, and point stats), he feels ready to turn over a new leaf. If nothing else, he thinks he'd like to make more friends now that he doesn't have Andrew and Neil around all the time. And the team seems like a nice bunch! They're talented, driven, he can see how he can mesh with them.

This sentiment lasts him about a week.

"Put Neil on the goddamn phone," he says as he slams the door of his car.

"Kevin," his father says on the other end of the line. "We are at practice right now."

"I know, that's why I called you."

His father sighs in the way he does when he needs a few seconds to debate who he should blame for this latest headache. Then he hears a fist on glass on the other end, and a minute later the little fucker says "Kevin. How are you."

"I don't know how you did this or why, but I am going to fucking end you."

"Please be more specific." Smug little motherfucker. Kevin slams his foot on the gas and pretends it's Neil's neck. Though he eases up a bit when he almost tailspins out of the parking lot. He hasn't driven a car in six years, fucking sue him.

"Practice ended three hours ago, Neil. I am now leaving the stadium. Can you guess what I was doing in that meantime?"

"Rediscovering the lost city of Atlantis," Neil says, deadpan, and when Kevin goes to trial for homicide he is going to play this recording back for the court and they're going to call it justified.

"No, see, by the time Gotlieb started talking about Atlantis, I knew he was fucking with me. That doesn't salvage the two goddamn hours I spent trying to convince my teammates that the pyramids weren't, I shit you not, built by Napoleon." He pauses as he reconsiders what just came out of his mouth. "This was Andrew's idea, wasn't it?"

"Kevin, if you only talk to people about exy, they're going to think they can only talk to you about exy. Now your team knows you're an actual fucking person. Have fun with that."

Plague upon his fucking house. "Are you expecting a thank you?"

"You promised yourself you'll make more friends. I'm just holding you to it. So...yes."

Kevin doesn't say it, and he tells himself its because Neil doesn't need the ego. Somehow Neil hears him anyway. "Drive home safe, Kevin."

"Go get your rookies in line, Captain," Kevin says, and hangs up. He dials Andrew next; he needs to know just how much of Kevin's thesis Andrew turned into conspiracy fodder.

[hollaback--girl]

una más y no jodemos más

third part of incorrect quotes of ghostbusters :)

•

Trevor: You have Crayons?

Podcast: Yes, I have—

Trevor: You're— how old are you?

Podcast: YES I AM A GROWN BOY AND I HAVE CRAYONS, I HAVE A BOX OF EMERGENCY CRAYONS IN THE CABINET UNDER THE TV BECAUSE EVERYBODY NEEDS CRAYONS SOMETIMES, OKAY? EVERYBODY NEEDS CRAYONS.

•

Dickless: You think you're smarter than everyone else.

Phoebe: I don't think I'm smarter than everyone else. I know I am.

•

Trevor, learning how to drive: What happens if I press the gas and the brake at the same time?

Gary: The car takes a screenshot.

Callie: Please pull over. I’m driving now.

•

Melody: Hi, who's this? Trevor changed all of my contacts to mythical creatures.

Phoebe: What's mine?

Melody: Dwarf.

Phoebe: HE'S SO MEAN, I'M NOT THAT SHORT!

Melody: Oh, hey Phoebe.

Phoebe: FUCK!

•

Callie: You're alive.

Phoebe: There's no need to sound so disappointed.

•

Podcast: If you water water, it grows.

Lucky: ...What.

Trevor: He's got a point.

•

Gary: Say no to drugs.

Lucky: Say yes to drugs.

Callie: It doesn't matter if you say yes or no to drugs. If you're talking to drugs.. then you're on drugs.

•

Lucky: Yeah, a partner sounds nice, but a supreme enemy you can make out with in secret sometimes sounds a lot more hardcore.

•

Phoebe: Accidentally indulged in too much ‘free time’, turns out I’ve been reported missing for over six months and presumed dead by most local and national authorities.

•

Melody: Don't joke about murder. I was murdered once and it offends me.

•

Podcast: *watching his house burn down*

Podcast:

Podcast: *starts filming* Waddup, guys, welcome to my vlog, today's topic: how to get away with accidentally committing arson because you forgot Spaghetti O's cans are metal and thus non-microwavable! Step one: deny everything.

•

Trevor: Guys, there’s a monster under my bed and it’s really ugly.

Melody, on the bottom bunk: Honestly, fuck you.

•

*During a game of Hangman*

Phoebe: Nope, there’s no Q. You lose.

Trevor: Are you kidding me?! You can still add something!

Phoebe: I already added a belt, four earrings and an extra arm! YOU LOSE!

•

Melody: Ugh, crushes are so dumb.

Phoebe: I know. Whenever I’m near the person I like I just start acting stupid.

Melody: But you’re always acting stupid?

Phoebe: ...

Phoebe: Yeah, don’t think about that too hard.

•

Podcast: If you took a shot for every time you made a bad decision, how drunk would you be?

Gary: Maybe a bit tipsy?

Trevor: Drunk.

Phoebe: Wasted.

Callie: Dead.

[autisticempathydaemon]

hi, i was hoping to do one of the redacted matchup thingies, they’re so fun :) I’M SO SORRY THIS IS A PAGE LONG AAAAGH

i’m just gonna lead with the miscellaneous stuff (WOW i spelled that without spell check. didn’t know i could do that.) i’m a young adult bi dude. apparently i’m quiet but snarky and people say my humor is very dry (i have a monotone voice and am Very Committed To The Bit.). i used to have really bad anger issues to the point that davey pre-character arc is more relatable than he should be (even though my parents are alive. they’re just shit). i try to dress kinda grungy? but also whatever’s cozy/comfortable and in neutral/dark colors (except red! i like red, my hair is dyed neon red) i used to have cptsd so bad i basically didn’t leave the house for two years. i think it was like agoraphobia or something? there were delusions in there too. i’m much better now though.

usually the kind of stuff i listen to is loud angry rock music (fave song is hysteria by muse) or slightly older pop music (florence and the machine, MARINA) but the last few days i’ve been on a newer pop kick and i’ve been playing “Good Luck, Babe!” by chappell roan on repeat and it makes me want to scream on a windswept seaside cliff during a storm. specifically the bit from 2:15 to ~3:10 in the song. i know it’s a banger when it makes me want to scream on a cliff or punch something.

INTP? is that an enneagram? (“you’re telling me a shrimp fried this rice?”-sounding sentence, sorry)

not really video essays but i love listening to someone summarize books i never plan to read (i like the ones by cari can read or lexi aka newlynova.)

i didn’t have an imaginary friend? i’m incredibly autistic + adhd so i was daydreaming constantly to a near maladaptive extent but i never had One Consistent Thing that i thought was real.

i have to mash my face into the pillow for a bit to decompress and then i can sleep how i normally do, sleeping on my side in a way that’s probably very bad for my shoulders. (i am an adult dude and i hold a stuffed bunny who i haven’t given a name every night to go to sleep. maybe ill name the bunny after whatever character you give me)

my name is stolen from the love interest of a YA steampunk novel (a young victorian gentleman who wears eyeliner), because his character description just fits me so well, as well as the name itself just looking cool written down

my fave audio is probably the smash bros tournament :D. it literally convinced me to buy the game lol

it’s a good thing i’m anonymous cause i just do not get the gavin or caelum hype. i’m too possessive to date an incubus/ someone who will fuck other people. and i hate children so caelum is just past my threshold for kid-esque behavior that i’m willing to deal with. i’m also really not a fan of the yanderes/evil ones. other people can go ahead and like them, they just stress me out more which is the opposite of what i want.

knives out :D. the detective movie

i would friend the HELL out of asher. i just wanna play games with the man that’s all i ask

i don’t really get food at gas stations but whenever i go to a cafe i am probably getting something strawberry related (lemonade, a smoothie, etc) and a breakfast sandwich

the playlist “songs to get obliterated by a black hole to” is my pride and joy. i fucking love space and sci fi (that’s the thing i’d ramble about too)

my guilty pleasure media is the official gender-swapped twilight (puts my head in my hands) I KNOW.

I sent an anon for matchup earlier (I mentioned a stuffed bunny) and said I didn’t know what an enneagram was and I just looked it up and did a quiz and apparently I’m type 6? Idk how accurate that is but there you go (also I’m sorry if I was trauma dumping/oversharing I was restless from being inside all day whoopsie)

I’m a sucker for a good black cat/golden retriever sort of pairing, you know? Tack that onto you being a Type Six, and I’ve just got to pair you with Huxley!

Type Sixes are characterized by a desire for stability and security, for dependability, and who’s more reliable than Huxley? This also works with your self-described possessive nature in that Huxley would be the best partner to never trigger that nature, to never make you doubt or toe your boundaries. I also love him for you because we know Huxley canonically is a calming, relieving presence in the face of anger and conflict, which makes him even more perfect for you! (Also I think your grunge fashion sense would contrast so cutely with his casual, gym-bro style.)

Huxley would be so fun to be with! He’s no Asher, but he’d be a great gaming buddy, happy to show you all the Smash tips and tricks for when he introduces you to his family. Speaking of family, Huxley’s moms would just adore you for making their son happy. I can see him taking you to the east coast to meet them and taking you on the hiking and camping trails of his youth. It’d be a lovely time of you showing him the stars and constellations at night and maybe even him finding a cliff for you to sing Chappell Roan off of.

Song:

And I hold you every night/ And that's a feeling I wanna get used to/ But there's no man as terrified/ As the man who stands to lose you/ Oh, I hope I don't lose you

It was so fun to look for a pop-rock song that would make you want to scream or punch something, and I hope this fits the bill. The first chorus extremely hits on top of being a beautiful love song, and I think it wouldn’t be out of place on a road trip with Huxley in the driver’s seat or by a gorgeous cliffside.

Runner-ups:

Aaron and Sam are your runner-ups for a lot of similar reasons. They both also have drier senses of humor, so I think you could vibe and hold to a bit with either of them. I headcanon both of them wearing red often (Sam, a red-checked flannel and Aaron, a red polo a la his thumbnails), so you could match. I also headcanon both of them actively wanting to be child-free, so you’d be compatible in that aspect. Aaron outranks Sam just slightly because I think he’d offer more stability and security given his occupation and Unempowered status.

Read this post and send me an ask if you’d like a match-up of your own! 💌

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

aita for not talking to my sister?

we both currently live in the same house with our mother and youngest sister, who is in elementary. the sister i don't talk to is about two years younger than me. dont want to give exact ages but we are both early adults now. we haven't spoken in about six years, just small talk that is mostly just me giving her a message or asking if she wants something to eat.

now, i stopped talking to her because we got into a fight because i told her she could not hold my little sibling (at that time my mom was the only one working and i was the one caring for my three siblings, including the eldest who is disabled, and i was the only one who knew how to care for a baby.) and she told me basically to die. and a lot of her words were just stuff she was repeating from my mom who has like this weird thing against me since ive been young, never really knew why. she would yell at me in front of my siblings and still does sometimes, though not as much since shes older. anyway, i didnt speak to my sister for about two weeks because of that and also it was not the first time she spoke to me in such a hurtful way, until some family members noticed and scolded me for it being as i am her older sibling.

i didn't feel like what she said was right but eventually i realized i do love and care for her so i did try to make it up by walking her home from school and hugging her and buying her snacks from the gas station that was near our house at the time. but i guess my actions afected her and ever sense she had no interest in speaking with me, which my mother does still constantly blame me for.

i feel bad and i did try many times to fix things and even still currently although i know she doesnt care for me i do little things for her. but she doesnt want to talk and at this point i don't feel obligated to even want to keep trying to mend our relationship when she doesnt even care.

then recently things kind of went bad, which i won't go too much into detail about, but she ended up going to a mental hospital for a few days for running away and threatening to kill herself. and she made some comments about me to my mom saying that i didn't care about her and its my fault she did those things, which my mom agreed. then she came home after begging my mom to get her and pretended as if nothing happened. i soon found out from my eldest sib (who this sister is closer to) that she only did that in hopes that she could get somethign from my mom but idk what and why she even mentioned me because then some people came around asking me if i abused her or anything and why i didnt talk to her.

but it made me angry and hurt since i have been working to be a better sibling even in this awful household, ive been trying to treat my baby sibling better too so at least she knows she's loved and not alone. i am working and going to school while she (sibling i am not talking to) gets to sit at home. i get her gifts and she doesnt even thank me. i still love her even though she hates me so much, even though i know she was just manipulated by our mom to feel that way about me. and for her to say that after ive constantly tried to be there even when she didnt want me it just hurted.

now i am so tired and im preparing to leave the house because i cant do it anymore, although i would hate to leave my younger siblings with my mom. and i think i will give up trying to mend our relationship, because i thought she could change but its becoming to much and i cant be here. i know i should not have stopped speaking with her and i regret it, but i feel like my efforts over the years should be acknowledged too.

and i just need to know am i a bad person for feeling this way? should i even keep trying?

What are these acronyms?

[108garys]

Manny Sherman dialogue transcribed

I really enjoyed transcribing the little hope puritan dialogue a bit ago despite it being one heck of an undertaking and I've always wanted to do a similar thing on a much smaller scale(this time) so as an afternoon task I pulled up a video of the four Sherman tapes and typed out his on screen dialogue, it'll be good for writing him and better understanding his vocabulary and maybe some time around I'll do something a little more substantial like Randolph Hodgson's journal but that aside I feel Sherman's dialogue flows really well and does a great job with characterisation, can you believe there's barely more than a thousand words from him all up? Regardless I've tried to follow the in game captions on the video which can be a little hard at times due to white text on a grey background with the occasional white detail obscuring stuff but I believe I got it at least 99% accurate and beyond that I added in places in brackets that he laughed but not the uncaptioned sounds of him getting his ass kicked because I thought one added something and the other wouldn't(and here's the video I used)

(interrogation - tape 1)

Manny Sherman. Born January one. Nineteen fifty-six.

Come on, you already know all this. What do you want?

What's this?… Huh… You've been doing your research, haven't you Special Agent Munday?

What are my favorite television programs?

Describe my first pet.

What were your friends like as a child?

What is this?!

You taking a survey or you trying to learn something?

Would it kill you to be direct?

You wanted to know what inspired me? As if I wasn't an original?

Well… maybe there was one man I found myself a little fascinated by.

Henry. Howard. Holmes.

Why? Because he was numero uno.

America's first. The guy invented the trade. He set the benchmark, you know?

Learn your history, Munday. Read a book.

You think because I stuck a blade in some people and get off on it I'm not smart?

I, heh… 'allegedly'… killed 13 people before you got smart enough to find me…

__

(interrogation - tape 2)

…had to build my own little castle, just like Holmes did.

Most people like me do their business where their target lives. That's just asking to get caught.

Holmes had the right idea. It was all about the honeytrap.

You bring me some smokes? Like I asked?

Lucky Reds? Yes! These are like gold in here. Damn that's good. So yeah, the honey pot.

Holmes built a hotel about a mile from the World's Fair and CALLED it the World's Fair Hotel and bought ad space in the papers alongside ads for the expo.

Rubes from far and wide assumed it was the official hotel!

Ma and Pa Kettle take a train in from Nebraska, takes three days, they roll up into that joint ready to rest, get to their room… and whoops- what do ya know… Holmes had a gas pipe hidden under the bed and poisons them.

Or maybe he pulls a trap door on them.

Maybe he separates them and makes one watch through a window while he slits the other's throat.

That's the advantage of a honey pot: no shortage of targets.

That's why I picked all those houses north of the airport.

That whole neighborhood was scheduled for demolition and yet…

All those lovely realtor ladies must not have gotten the memo.

Call up as a contractor, tell them I'm flipping, have them meet me out there… and look at that… we're the only two people for miles.

The first couple times I'd wait for a plane to fly over, just to hide their screams, but…

after a while I realized they could scream as loud as they wanted.

No one was gonna hear a thing.

That's what I remember most.

Those screams.

You can try to understand why I am the way I am. You can forensic science up all the data you want.

But you'll never know… You'll never know, Munday… You'll never really know how it feels when you watch the fire burn out of somebody.

__

(interrogation - tape 3)

(laughter)

A whole carton this time? You trying to get on my good side or something?

Think I'll save them.

What? No questions? What's going on with you, Munday?

You seem different.

(laughter) I see that that glimmer in your eye, you little devil.

I can keep secrets, man… we all have them.

That prosecutor is trying to get numbers out of me. Know that?

Of course you know that. Numbers. They got Holmes for 27… but we know he was closer to 200, right?

Can you imagine that? I wish I'd had the time to try and beat that.

Sure they know about those nice realtor ladies… they got families after all.

But the numbers the D.A. is asking me about… I think he knows there's some people out there- rejects… misfits… the kind of people that when you see them coming you look the other way.

Does anyone notice if they go missing?

My father always told me to leave my mark on the world.

I never knew what he meant by that- not until I watched that first girl bleed out.

I call it art. That's my signature on society.

It's not murder, it's an aesthetic response to what this has world made me.

Ask people to list killers, and they'll drop five, ten on you before they can't think of any more.

Ask them to name the detectives that caught those killers- no one is going to say a damn thing.

No one knows them. No one cares.

No one makes movies about them.

No one puts their faces on t-shirts.

No one gives a shit.

(quiet chuckle)

I've left my mark on the world…

…have you?

__

(interrogation - tape 4)

You want to know what it means to be a killer?

You ever been to the art museum downtown?

They got this painting by a guy… forgot his name. Famous painter.

He did portraits of slaughtered cows hanging on hooks.

You take a normal person to a slaughterhouse and they will puke their guts out.

You make it into a painting and suddenly it's art.

There's no difference between the two. Not really.

Don't look at me like that. You know I'm right.

You get it. I know you get it.

You got to do something that matters. Make people feel something they've never felt before.

Shatter the illusion that any of us are really in control.

Think of the most profound thing you've ever done… the most beautiful thing you've ever created… and I promise you… it's nothing compared to watching the life bleed out of someone.

To see the fear in their eyes, to feel them pawing at you for release, to hear them pleading- begging…

That moment when someone realizes they are at their end…

That's when you feel it. That's true art.

That's what you have to be- an artist… a sculptor… an architect.

I see the gleam in your eye, Agent Munday, You're not fooling me.

Oh, look at you now, huh?

Am I going to be your first?

Well come on then- I'm right here.

This room is soundproof- you don't even have to wait for a plane to fly overhead.

There… There you are… I see you now.

Not bad… not bad at all.

Bare hands can feel good, huh?

But the blade makes for such a prettier picture.

You've got potential. Agent Munday…

If you truly want to be an artist.

__

@kassiekole22 @delurkr @ctrvpani @aydeenchan

@tinynightmarewoman @kindheartedgummybears @mybrainrotforreal (Know idea as ever with this character on who'd be interested in this but it was a good exercise at any rate)

[moreclaypigeons]

Mountain Goats fans how are we feeling

Jenny 2... I will put all my analysis about what these things mean under the cut. I would also like to note that after i took these screenshots the 11th (pirate ship sunset) just... disappeared? The post was gone for a fair bit but then came back. may have been a glitch. or maybe a ghost ship.

Here's what I'm getting story-wise:

Someone rode away on their custom Kawasaki with a stinger on the back, leaving the speaker there at the curb so they had to take a bus. But they never saw them again, no one did. Flaky yellow paint of the Kawasaki.. staying up late thinking about how the relationship ended. Time passes and it's winter and they have search parties out for this person. The person crashed while on their bike. And then the speaker realizes it. And the person is dead the end

Now in terms of allusions to the song Jenny:

"You roared into the driveway of our southwestern ranch style house": the house in the first image reasonably fits that description. "Our house faced west": based on the shadows here, the house DOES face either east or west because of the direction that the sun rises.

"on a new Kawasaki, all yellow and black, fresh out of the showroom.": It's the same bike! But, based on the line in the third post, "flaky yellow paint," some time has passed.

"the big orange sun" we see in the 11th image, where the pirate ship sails into the sunset. the image also alludes to "you pointed your headlamp toward the horizon," and "the pirate's life for me!"

post 10 is interesting because it too draws from the pirate's life line, but the imagery is different, and definitely connects/foreshadows the graveyard image. Here is an excerpt from the wikipedia page for jolly rogers: When the pirates' intended victim was within range, the Jolly Roger would be raised, often simultaneously with a warning shot. The flag was probably intended as communication of the pirates' identity, which may have given target ships an opportunity to decide to surrender without a fight.

Miscellaneous:

image 7, with the grecian vase imagery is reminding me of spent gladiator.

i have no idea what the fuck the water tower means.

image 12 depicts a music staff with some notes on it. i know nothing about music but i do know the internet does so i am currently trying to reconstruct it with a program. update mmaybe will follor?

other songs:

According to what John Darnielle has said in hit podcast "i only listen to the mountain goats," Jenny has appeared in 2 or 3 other songs.

"She calls on the phone in Night Light" and "she calls on the phone in Straight Six" and was the sender of postcards in Source Decay. He says, "She is defined by an absence, she has yet to speak. She's in the song Jenny; the other two songs she's in, she's already gone. …She's not there when things are going well, and she's not remembered when things are going well. Jenny is an emblem of more difficult times for people, of wilder times. But also times that they're pretty clearly romanticizing, right, that they're also remembering as the time when they were on a motorcycle with no responsibilities, livin' the pirate's life."

Of course I'm going to listen to those three songs <3

Night light: "Jenny calls from Montana/ She's only passing through / Probably never see her again in this life I guess" oh but we WILL see her again... And then never again. "I was a red dot blinking on a screen up overhead / And then the room went dark" and "Plug a night light in / Leave the porch light on" remind me of the bedside clock and the gas station.

Holy shit Straight Six. I didn't realize this was on Jam Eater Blues until I went to its page on the wiki, but- this is significant cause on their linktree, "stream jam eater blues" is at the top and i was confused cause they also released a bunch of other shit. this is foreshadowing...

Anyways significant moments of Straight Six:

"Dull powder blue paint job / earl scheib special" this could either be the auto station (#2) or the fact that the speaker's car has an earl scheib special paint job (had to research this), which maybe he got from the same auto shop. This song talks a lot about a car. "Rabbit skull hanging from the rear-view" "And I glide down the streets of this city / All night, uptight" "There's a crack in the windshield eighteen inches long / Evaporating snow forming crystals on the chrome" it's hard to tell from the drawing of the van whether there is a crack on the windshield or whether it's just stylized, but..this does intrigue me. And when I heard them mention SNOW immediately after... when the caption to the van post says "searching in the snow".......

Source Decay also mentions driving and cars a lot. Couldn't find anything more significant than what the other songs have though.

If anyone has any other thoughts to share or disagrees or like I missed something- PLEase share i am so eager to hear/talk about this!

[potatoes83]

Slice of life...

I had my first colonoscopy yesterday. Now, I'm only 40, 5 years too early to be thinking about this sort of thing, but apparently when your aunt dies of colon cancer, and then her sister, your mom, goes from absolutely nothing to stage 4 metastatic between normal screenings, you suddenly have a Family History, and doc wanted it done. Heh, I still find that somewhat amusing; suddenly and history are supposed to be antonyms...

They talk about the prep being the worst part, and yeah, certainly wasn't pleasant, but honestly, the worst part for me was the whole can't drink any liquids six hours before the procedure. That was at 1:00, so that basically means no water upon awaking. I like water. I drink a TON of water through the day. That sucked. The low fiber diet, annoying. The juice only for two days, annoying. The power-dumps on the toilet, annoying. But the being completely parched thing, that sucked hard. I would say a close second was having to remove the sticky tape from the IV from my rather hirsute arm; ended up with a bald patch and a little fur rug after a whole lot of cussing and fussing.

I had never been sedated before. I mean, I've never even had gas at the dentist. That shit is crazy! Dude squeezes a syringe in my IV, I ask how long does it take, he says about fifteen seconds, I say oh, OK, focus my eyes on one of the monitors hand is shaking my shoulder, wake up, all done. I'm in the recovery area. I am awake. Little loopy, but seriously, boom, nothing in between. Best nap I've ever taken! I felt, saw, heard nothing. Got dressed, checked out, went and got my mushroom reuben and fries on (and at least four glasses of water) since I was starving, and then just chilled around the house before a good night's sleep.

I know a lot of people don't get it done because it's, well... yeah. But I also know that a terrifying amount of young adult men in particular are being diagnosed with colon cancer, whether it's the crap we eat these days or whatever, and you have to catch that shit early, no pun intended. So I guess what I'm saying by sharing this is get it done. Don't put it off. It's really not so bad, and you're sound asleep for the most undignified part of it. 🥔

[final-girl96]

Ageless Secrets Chapter One

August 2007

It's been almost two years since the outbreak. The government, now known as FEDRA, finally had quarantine zones that people could go to. They had them set up a year after the outbreak happened. The QZs were in a lot of the major cities, New York, Pittsburgh, Philadelphia, they were all over the place. Right now we were making our way to Boston. We tried getting in the one in Detroit, going all the way back home but it was clear it wouldn't happen as soon as we got there. The road to the QZ was backed up for miles. So we turned around and headed for the one in Ohio but that too was out of the question.

We then decided to just keep going. There was supposed to be one in Boston that wasn't even finished yet. We figured if we could get there early we could be one of the first to get in. But it was rough being out on the road. Supplies were hard to come by, no place was safe, we had to worry about raiders. This was a new world and the old world rules didn't apply anymore. People would kill you for whatever you had.

Eventually, we met up with other survivors. You know what they say, safety in numbers and all that jazz. We turned into those people that we would hide from. It's what we had to do to survive. It's that kind of world now that you kill or be killed. Hiding wasn't always an option. We car jacked, stole, killed, and left people for dead. I am nineteen now and I've been through too much for my age. I used to be scared all the time. I let Tess handle everything. But after A while those hopes and dreams that this whole outbreak would eventually be over vanished.

Cordyceps, that's what the sickness was, it's a fungus. At one point it only affected things like ants. It would attach itself to the ant and eventually make its way to its brain and take control. It used to never be able to survive in the human body with how high our body temperature was. But it adapted. There are three known stages of infection as of now.

Runners: The first and most common stage, occurring within hours or days of infection. They are still human in appearance, but lose control of their faculties and sprint you. Kind of like Andy had done.

Stalkers: The second stage, where the infected show physical signs of the infection, such as spores growing from their head and body. They are also more agile than runners. They like to stay in darker places and they like to follow you. They've been infected for at least two weeks and remain that way until about a year before going to the next stage.

Clickers: The third stage, where the infected become blood-hungry husks. They can't see you because of the fungus overing their face. But they have impeccable hearing and make this creepy ass clicking noise. They've been infected for a least a year or two.

You have to be careful no matter what with the infected, but they seem to like the dark more than being out in the day light. The dwell in builds where it's dark. You always need to so a sweep, being as quiet as possible when you go into a house or building to loat or stay in. You always need to be careful of any spores in the air. The Cordyceps isn't just inside the infected, it also grows around any that have been sitting somewhere for a while. The spores alone can infected you, so wearing a gas mask is the best option in those situation.

A few weeks ago we met two men, brothers. Joel, the oldest and his younger brother Tommy. Tommy was thirty-two, the same age as Tess and Joel was thirty-six or would be soon according to Tommy. Everything happened on Joel birthday, September twenty-sixth. I won't sit here and pretend that I didn't find Joel attractive the second I laid eyes on him. But he didn't pay any attention to me. Why would he? I'm a nineteen year old girl.

Joel didn't trust very easily either, not as easily as Tommy did. Tommy warmed up to Tess and I pretty quick. He the more reasonable one of the two. Joel and Tess had a lot in common, she wasn't very trusting either. I mean, I don't trust people anymore but I'm not as bad as Tess is. I would have trusted Joel in a heartbeat even after he put a gun to my head.

Yup, that's right, Joel had a gun to my head when we first ran into them. They thought we were trying to rob them and we thought they were trying to rob us. To be fair we were going to rob them and they were going to do the same to us. Tess had her gun trained on Joel, daring him to pull the trigger. Tommy was the voice of reason. He's the one that convince both of the to lower their weapons and talk. Tommy came up with the idea to band together all while Joel still had a hold of me.

“Let's put our guns down and talk about this. Joel, come on, she's just a kid.” I scoffed at that, “I'm fucking nineteen, asshole.” Tess glared at me. “Yn, shut up!” I rolled my eyes at her and let out a long sigh. “Joel, please, lower your gun,” Tommy pleaded. Only when Tess lowered hers, holding a hand up in surrender did Joel lower his gun. “Are you going to let go of me? I'm not one that likes physical contact all that much.”

It had all been quite thrilling and terrifying. When Joel finally let me go, he pushed me towards my sister, almost causing me to fall. “Fucking asshole!” Tess had grabbed me and pulled me behind her, telling me to shut up. They made a deal that we would all work together. But that doesn't mean we trust each other fully. Joel was cold towards us, at least he was to me. He got along with Tess more than he got along with me. I was ignored anytime I tried to pitch in ideas.

Tess forced me to stay back when they went to raid people. She acted like I never killed someone. I had killed more people than I'd like to admit. I'm nineteen and have killed men and women. You didn't see too many children anymore. For a while Tess couldn't even look at a kid. She could hardly look at me. I hated that she would make me hang back a lot, but I also understood why she did It.

“Alright, yn, you–” I cut her off with a roll of my eyes. “Yeah, yeah, stay here. Stay out of sight. Don't come out unless I tell you to. You're no help to us. You're useless. You'll just be in the way and get yourself or someone else killed. Blah blah blah.” She let out a heavy sigh, “Please don't start your shit. I just want you to be safe.”

“Whatever, Tess, just go.” I turned around and walked back into the building we had been sitting in for the past three hours. Joel and Tess were watching a group of men across the way. Tommy didn't seem to want to be a part of it but he was doing what we had to do to survive. “I'll stay back with her, keep an eye out from here.” I groaned, rolling my eyes back and stormed off. “I don't need a babysitter!”

“Keep your damn voice down!” Joel hissed at me. I spun around and gave him the finger, "Shove it up your ass!” His jaw clenched and he started after me. “Joel,” Tommy warned. “Yn, please, stop your damn attitude!” Tess said sternly. “Look here little girl–” That pissed me off even more. I know I was acting like a child, but I was getting sick of them treating me like I was unable to do anything.

“Little girl! Little fucking girl! Really? Go fuck yourself, Joel. All of you can go fuck yourself. You all act like I can't take care of myself. You act like I'm nothing but a burden to you. I'm so sick and tired of it. You always thought you were better than me Tess, just because you're older. You always have to be in charge. You're not the only one whole has been having a hard fucking time! I'm not a little girl anymore. I can take care of myself.”

[scoutbert]

Heyy idk if anyone here remembers me or cares but I figured I'd make a little life update just in case. And if not, maybe I'll just look back on it in a few years and smile.

I've had this blog for about ten years now. I was a freshman in high school when I began. It was memes, fandom, and the occasional depression. I even posted some pretty dark stuff a LOT of the time because I felt like I had nowhere else to vent.

Now I am 24. Twenty four!! I can't believe it. I lived!

I've been homeless, I've been traumatized. Went through a lot of stuff! If you like to feel sad and lurk, feel free to check out my tags for more context, haha. Some of it is pretty triggering and downright toxic so yeah take care of yourself.

But yeah. Twenty four. Sheesh. I am in a much better place now. I have an apartment with some friends and my partner. We have a little dog. I got a new car that I don't have to live in anymore. I work gigs like food delivery and dog walking. Money is always tight, but what else is new?

I still have a little problem with the booze and the weed, but I'm not searching for ways to destroy myself anymore. I don't seek chaos just because that's where i felt the most normal.

I'm learning to be okay with peace. And mediocrity. I used to- well, still do sometimes- compare myself to everyone I knew my age, people who had support systems I could never dream of, who went to college, and found their dream job. Who never wanted for anything. Always smiling.

I learned that it's not a competition. Life, that is. As long as I wake up every morning, I call that a win. It doesn't matter that this person from school makes six figures and already has a house and a kid. I get to wake up and walk dogs and look at trees and flowers, and I get to come home all sweaty and take a hot shower and make a sandwich. That's enough for me, for now. Much better than couch surfing and showering at planet fitness and eating gas station sandwiches.

Anyway. At the risk of overdoing it, I just wanna say thanks Tumblr. You were my anonymous diary for years. I received support from strangers I can never repay. I laughed at memes, made art, got in arguments about stupid shit.

I'm not leaving! Just expressing gratitude I never had. I am no longer full of hate. Just a morsel now, haha. There will always be a part of me that is bitter about everything I had to go through, and embarrassed at how I handled it. But I did my best and most people met me where I was at and accepted me anyways, even when I wasn't at my best. Thank you.

If I ever hurt you or exhausted you, thank you, and I am sorry.

Anyway. Yeah. Thanks. I'm doing okay. Good, even. Now that I'm not in crisis constantly- and I was in crisis for the better part of those ten years- I think I will find something I am passionate about, and work at exploring it. That sounds nice. :)

[hellionhpau]

Request for Help

Hey guys. In compliance with AO3's policy, I'm posting this here on my private blog for this fic. I ask that if nothing else, you read and share!

So, this is not only embarrassing but also extremely difficult and saddening on my part. Unfortunately, I don't have a chapter update for you, but I am reaching out publicly to ask for help. Please read this whole thing before you dismiss this because I am in seriously bad shape here and am rapidly running out of options.

To hear a fuller story, you're free to reach out to me personally. If nothing else, if any of you can share that around, it would be a huge help.

Here's the low down, and some of you who have been with me from the beginning know some of it. So, in short order over a span of a little over a year: covid hit, I lost my job, I lost my house, my mother got extremely sick (not with covid), my sister, her family, and I move in together to help take care of her and to financially support each other. Turns out my sister's husband is a complete asshat, and it was a very abusive home for the year I lasted there. Shortly after I moved out, my mother died, my dog died, and then my grandmother died right before Christmas. Both my mom and my grandmother were my two biggest maternal figures of my life, so you can imagine the blow. Add to it, I was just staying with a friend, was making shit money, and spiraled into a bad, bad depression. 

That's why I was gone for a year lol. I tried to pick myself up and became roommates with another friend. We had grand plans to move to the city and start great lives. However, it didn't work out. Suffice to say that neither of us were who the other thought we were. It ended on friendly terms, and thankfully, we hadn't made the jump to the city or I would have been fucked, man.

Things were looking up from there, but my depression wouldn't go away. I ended up staying too long at that shit job, then moved to factory work, and now I'm working two fucking jobs day in and out. I'm burning at both ends, and it's just not enough to cover the bills I'm still paying off for those two horrible years, my mother's funeral and burial, not to mention medical bills.

Right now, I can't pay my rent. I can't afford food, and I've been struggling to get on food assistance. I can't pay my therapist or doctor. And now this month, thanks to coming to head with some of the earlier mentioned debt (ie, my mother's gravestone), I don't know how the hell I'm supposed to pay my electric and phone bill, let alone afford the gas to get to my second job. I was so, so close to getting ahead of everything, and I just can't get over that edge…

I want to make this very, very clear—this is not me soliciting in any way. That is to say, this is not in any way, shape, or form requesting payment for anything I do on here. It's just my way of trying to reach out to anyone wanting to help a dude out.

I do want you guys to know I have no plans on abandoning this fic. Just the other day, I made time to pick through chapter six, adding in an extra ghoul scene for you. Also, you guys are hilarious. I give you an awesome adventure into Muggle London with Draco sodding Malfoy, and you guys were just like "i love the ghoul!"

Don't blame ya. I love them too. Don't worry, I had originally planned on the ghoul having more scene time in this than canon. Anything creature related, you know Hellion's going to be all over it lol.

If you took the time to read all this, thank you. It's embarrassing, having to ask for help, but I'm officially at the begging strangers position. Please, please, help if you can, even if it's just a dollar or sharing this.

For anyone interested, my paypal is paypal@deanjharrison or https://www.paypal.me/deanjharrison

Or this one: https://www.gofundme.com/f/dean-and-pets-recover-financially

Thanks, you guys! I appreciate you just taking the time to read this.

[rangerdoubt]

WIP WEDNESDAY

@glitchy-npc and me sneaking in on PST… brother. i haven’t done anything in a while. SO:

tagging @redwayfarers @thenightdayblogger @emeraldgreaves and like, anyone else who also wants to do it! it’ll be a wip whenever though bc it’s like six to midnight for me 🥲

miscellaneous stepverse/crime family au, because i like making my steps argue:

“I thought you didn’t drink,” you say when he raises a lazy hand in greeting.

“I don’t. But you do.” A flat little smile, all dimples and no teeth. He narrows his eyes at you and folds his hands around–

“Is that a Shirley Temple? Are you six?”

“Seven, actually. Order what you want. I’ll get the tab.”

You point an accusing finger in his direction and he raises his eyebrows in mock-surprise. “Don’t think you can start being nice to me now,” you grouch, but he waits until you sidle back from the bar and take a sip of your vodka Diet Coke before making his reply.

“Better?” You keep your grunt noncommittal and he wrinkles his nose. “I worry for you, that’s all.”

“How sweet. Wh–” You take another long sip. He manages to keep the benign little smile, but the furrow between Miguel’s eyebrows gets a little deeper as he waits for you to come up for air. Whatever. Good. You’re feeling a little better already. Calmer. Braver. Maybe this won’t go as badly as you suspect it might. “What’s wrong this time?”

the migjulia that i forgot about!

Julia traces a finger over the bare skin of your back. You swallow hard, and keep your eyes on your phone to keep from shivering.

“You know,” she says wonderingly, “I never—are you playing sudoku?”

You do your best to squint back at her but it cricks the hell out of your neck. “It’s a crossword. They’re completely different grids?”

“Oh, because that’s so much better. Is this, like, your equivalent of a cigarette or something?”

“Fuck o—kay.” You take a deep breath, stuck somewhere between an argument and laughter. “And if it is?”

“Then you’re a bigger nerd than I thought you were. Which says a lot.” Julia tucks herself tighter against your back, sticking her chin into the crook of your neck.

“You weren’t supposed to be in a position to find out,” you say dryly.

“Mmm,” you can hear the smile in her voice, smug and fond at once, “But I am.”

a bit of original fic that i’m still trying to wrangle:

It is—suffocatingly awkward, now that there is only two of them. And the angel. Always the angel.

“Will—how is he going to go—“

“Shut up,” says Tam stiffly. The leather of the steering wheel is squeaking in her hands, she’s squeezing it so tight. Max sinks deeper into her seat.

“Okay.”

It doesn’t sit right to have just—left Gavin there. He’d been—kind, almost. Sad in his own way. It made something turn in Max’s stomach to watch him just recede into the distance, like he’d given up as they pulled out of the gas station.

ALL IS AS IT SHOULD BE, MAGDALENE, says Melpomene in the rearview mirror. It’s humming again, blindfolded eyes turned toward the window. Its pair of lion’s claws are folded over each other, like any kind of house cat.

“Right,” says Max. She’s given up on correcting it. A name for a name, she supposes. “If you say so.”

[smolpinklady]

The women that voted for Trump are thinking it won't happen to them. They won't have the health care they need when the time comes now. Imagine voting against yourself. You have no idea how many people say, "I'll keep the baby, abortion doesn't matter to me" where I work. Education has gone downhill. I'm so tired dude

I could go on about this but because Donald Trump represents the “Christian” vote, people who are FOR him will vote for him with blinders on. They only want to see and hear what they want to see and hear.

He does not support the Constitution, he wants POWER. He does not want the 30 something counts of felony charges hovering over him, he wants to avert himself from his detrimental mistakes.

He has stated in his god awful hateful rallies that he wants to initiate MASS DEPORTATIONS.

He has said vile things about women, including his own daughter.

The House and the Senate already have Republican majority. I’m terrified that they are going to work in HIS favor.

What’s crazy is majority of America is middle to lower class families. People who support him are so delusional in the way they think, they think that Trump is going to make the “economy” great, and helping Americans with lower gas prices and groceries.

When in reality his plan is to PROPOSE TARIFF POLICIES that will ultimately RAISE PRICES FOR YOU AND I

Americans are superficial pieces of shit.

The other day I saw a clip of that fuck ass Cheeto saying, “the key to not being depressed is working your ass off.” This is coming from a MAN who has been GIVEN opportunities and a substantial amount of MONEY on a silver platter. At A YOUNG AGE.

If god forbid I experience an accidental pregnancy by a man who I’m dating, and I don’t find out until six weeks or later, in the state of Florida I would have to go through the pregnancy, unless I go out of my way to travel to another state (and I don’t have the means to do that)

I am not suggesting that I would be irresponsible about having sex, I’m only bringing up a hypothetical scenario (abortion is not a form of birth control, but it IS still a human right to decide what I want to do with my body and the pregnancy)

People don’t read. People would rather remain uneducated and believe in some sort of fantasy of a lower cost of living (WHICH KAMALA HARRIS WANTED TO HELP MIDDLE CLASS FAMILIES WITH)

This outcome has began to change my perspective on people, even more so.

The vast majority of Americans would rather have a homophobic, sexist, racist, criminal, and egotistical old white man run office over an educated and qualified BLACK WOMAN.

That speaks volumes about people.

If there’s a sign to remain abstinent from sex, this is reason enough.

[wykedstories]

Chapter 5: The Gas Station.

I'm so happy the school day went fast and I'm now on my way back home. I'm actually excited to go home for once considering Mia is there and it feels like I haven't spent time with her in ages. Mia loves it when we paint together so maybe that's what I'll do when I get home. I can't stop thinking about that guy in the black hoodie today and how uncomfortable he made me. I can't pinpoint a reason why he made me so uncomfortable though. Maybe I'm just a big ball of anxiety. I constantly worry about literally anything. It's a wonderful way to live. 

There should be nothing about some random guy that is bothering me so much. I only saw him twice, but he gave me such a gut wrenching feeling both the times I saw him. I happened to glance down at my gas gauge and I got to stop to get gas, Oh how wonderful to have to make just one more stop when all I want to be is at home. The only real question I have is “ Why hasn't anyone invented the ability to teleport”? Either way, that's not gonna solve the problem that I still have to stop for gas. Here we go, down the long windy road to the nearest gas station to my house. Of course, leave it to me to almost be home and notice my car is almost empty. It's gonna be about 22  minutes one way to the gas station. That's 44 minutes round trip with perfect traffic, but you know that never perfectly works out. So let's shoot for a solid hour trip. That means I'll get home at approximately 6:30pm. I'm going to go home and paint flowers with Mia. I've been thinking so much about painting with her all day and that stupid guy in the black hoodie.

I asked Siri to turn on my road trip playlist which consisted of red hot chili peppers and nirvana and other similar genres. My favorite thing to do is play under the bridge by the red hot chili peppers as I go under the bridge right before the gas station. I have done it so many times that I know if i start my playlist at a certain point on the road the music will line up perfectly to that song and my favorite bridge. I realized very quickly that I was zooming around these curves way faster than I'm sure I should have been, so I turned the music down and I slowed down. I'm about six miles from the bridge which means I'm almost to the gas station. As I drive down the road I faintly see the bridge in the distance lit up by the bright lights from the gas station about a quarter mile behind it. 

It's very foggy this evening as dusk approaches. Instantly, my eyes drifted to the right side of the bridge where I noticed a dark figure. It can't be, there is no way that it's the guy in the black hoodie. I'm just seeing things I have to be. I cruised past the  bridge without looking to my right to see if a real man was standing there. I didn't want to look because I just wanted to get my gas and go home to paint flowers with my baby sister. I pulled into the gas station next to gas pump number Five. Pump five is my favorite pump, it's easy to access, particularly for my car. I conned myself into paying at the pump with tap pay, because I didn't want to walk inside alone in case that guy had been following me with bad intentions. I figured I would be safer beside my car versus walking all the way inside and back out alone. I got out of my car, and proceeded to walk over to the pump to pay for my gas. 

Thirty dollars in the tank. The wait is on as the gas flows out of the pump into my gas tank. I am ungodly anxious, was I just seeing things or was there really someone there. I glanced around and my gaze met the bridge, I noticed the figure I saw wasn't there anymore. In a sense I felt relieved that whatever I saw was not there anymore. The gas pump made that little clicking noise it makes when your gas is fully pumped. It made me jump just a little bit. Probably because it interrupted my flowing train of thoughts. I grabbed my receipt quickly and got back into my car. I turned the key, my car sputtered a little bit but, that is normal I just have to pump the gas pedal a few times while turning the key then it will start. I got it started, thank god. 

I turned out of the gas station when I almost hit someone who was walking right in front of the gas station exit. I looked a little closer and wouldn't you know it's Vince. He is in dark Black jeans, a dark green hoodie partially unzipped with a white tee shirt underneath. He looks right at me as I am stopped in the middle of the exit lane. He put his hand up, I rolled my eyes and then rolled my driver's side window down to talk to him. 

“Hey, What are you doing”? I snapped at Vince.

“I am obviously walking home what the fuck does it look like, If you paid more attention you would have obviously seen me crossing the road”? 

“Don't be an asshole, I'm not in the mood for anyone's shit today. I was zoned out. I have had an anxiety filled day today alright. Obviously you have had a bad day too. Would you like a ride home”?

“A ride huh, Well that's quite a nice offer after almost hitting me”.

“Yes a ride take it or leave it, if you want the ride get in and if not why don't you get out of my way so I can go home”. 

“I'll take it, are you sure that you are okay giving me a ride home. That's awfully nice of someone that doesn't really know me and I sure wasn't nice to you when you smacked your face on my locker”.

“ Just tell me the directions or put your address in my GPS and we will just go. I'm clumsy. What can I really say? Come on, I apologized”.

“ Yeah I know, you did apologize. I'm also very sorry for being a dick but I don't need any rumors here than there already are about me”. Vince somberly replied to me. 

“ I understand, There definitely are rumors going around. I don't really believe what people say though I like to hear people's stories straight from them”.

“Let me see your phone, I'll put in the directions to my house. Please dont judge me when you get there. Maybe if you don't hate me I can tell you my story sometime”?

I handed Vince my Phone, honestly I cant believe that vince is really sitting in my car and even more I cant believe that he even apologized for being an asshole. I can't wait to tell Darcy about all this. I handed Vince my phone. 

Then I replied “ I'd love to sit down and hear your story whenever you have time to tell it”. 

“I will keep that in mind, Thank you for being kind. There's not many people like that anymore”. He kindly said with a soft voice. 

I smiled at him and continued driving down this long tree lined country road, it is very aesthetically pleasing if i'm being honest. The GPS said that we have about 20 more minutes to his house.  This is not really what I want to be doing right now but I'm not complaining well. I guess I am but I shouldn't be since Vince was all I could think about a few days ago. So here I am sitting here in the car alone with him. We get to the stop sign at the end of the road. I look at the GPS and it says that we have about 12 minutes. I got this nervous feeling as my GPS yelled at me to turn right. At this point it's starting to get really dark out. I looked both ways before I took the right turn onto the next road. I took the turn and started my way down the next dark country road, I decided to look over at Vince and he was gazing out the window just completely relaxed. Maybe I was nervous because I was in the car with this guy who is a completely new guy in town that I was completely gawking over since he came. 

“Hey! Do you see that! Stop the car!” Vince Yelled! 

Completely startled I slammed on my brakes thinking it was a deer or an animal of some sort. I could only wish that's what I was looking at but, I knew as soon as I stopped the car that it was far from what I was looking at.

[breakerwhiskey]

009 - NINE

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Transcript under the cut. For more episodes, click here.

[click]

Well, I nearly accidentally killed myself last night.

[click]

I got in late—no sign of any organized groups of people, doomsday or otherwise. No sign of people, period. It was a foolish errand maybe. And I was exhausted but I made dinner as I usually do—as usual as anything can be when you’ve only been doing it a few days—but I fried up a little spam, with some canned spinach, little bit of American cheese I brought from home that I think will stay good for a while—

[click]

Not home. It’s not home anymore. I don’t know if it ever really was home. No more than this random West Virginia house is. No more than any place has been since I was fifteen years old. The cars have been more of a home to me— [click]

God, I’m still a little loopy. I left the gas on is the thing. I don’t know how, but when I turned off the burners, I guess one knob must’ve been a little finicky or something because by the time I was getting ready to go to sleep last night, I was feeling strange. Thankfully, I’m not an idiot, contrary to all the evidence I’ve given you, my radio stranger, my little void in the form of static, so I checked the stove and then opened all the windows the moment I figured out what went wrong. I slept with the windows open all night, just to be safe, checking the burners first thing this morning to make sure they stayed all the way off.

So I’m fine! I’m fine. But it…I don’t know.

[click]

I could die out here, die anywhere, and no one would ever know. And I guess that could’ve been true during a lot of times in my life but no matter what I have to say about the last six years, I wouldn’t’ve have dropped dead without someone taking notice.

[click]

I can’t speak to how Harry would have felt about it, but she would’ve noticed.

[click]

For all she knows now, I am already dead. I ran out of gas or food or water or crashed the car. I’d like to think that—despite whatever else she might think about me—she at least knows me well enough to have a little more faith that I could survive than that but…I don’t know.

[click]

I don’t want to die alone. I don’t want to live alone. But what if I really am alone? What if we both are?

What if we’re the last two people left in this stupid place and I’m the one who sentenced us to an existence of isolation?

[click, static]