#it happens with interacting with people online too

[alllgator-blood]

Disappeared for a bit but I'm still here, I just got overwhelmed and learned I should probably take this blog less seriously

I'm using the new year as an excuse to come back on here and try to not ditch my account for another 6 months-- I'm NOT good at posting stuff online to a crowd of more than like 5-20 followers, I originally wrote a huge long-winded draft describing all of my thoughts in great detail. It was too long. I guess all I want people to know is I'm somebody who's spent years making art that I knew nobody will ever see, so it's incredible and overwhelming to have thousands of eyes on my art all of a sudden? It's both the coolest thing and the scariest thing ever to me simultaneously, I'm by no means a Popular Artist but I went from virtually no interaction for years to suddenly tens of thousands of cumulative notes on my posts so it's huge for me. And I haven't adjusted super well to it, entirely due to my own shitty brain chemistry.

I don't want anyone to feel like I'm ignoring their messages or like I don't appreciate the fact they go out of their way to give me their thoughts/send me ideas, genuinely this is the most support I've *ever* had for my art and it's so so fucking cool. It's led me to create so much more than I thought possible! I used to run ask blogs for a couple very niche video game fandoms, and I prided myself on being able to draw full comics for EVERY ask I got, answer EVERY message and went into this blog assuming I could still do that. Um....safe to say I cannot....I have like 200+ asks and I think I drafted a dozen or more that I answered but felt my art was too low effort. I felt so bad I couldn't put maximum effort into everything, and I've been beating myself up over it to a point where *no* asks are getting answered, and this blog went from a really fun thing I actually woke up early just to check on, to something I wanted to avoid like the plague for the past week out of guilt. DUE TO NOBODY'S FAULT BUT MY OWN, everyone has been so chill when I've had to take breaks so idk why I feel the need to hold myself hostage.

So I'm gonna try and take it easier, give myself a break when my personal life goes horribly, close my ask box periodically if I feel overwhelmed, maybe hop on here like once or twice a day rather than compulsively refreshing every 5 minutes...I hope that makes things better. I realize I should probably just *do* that without announcing it, but I have no self discipline and unless I announce I'm gonna do something, it's not gonna fuckin happen lmao.

Anyway if you read this far, here's the first panel of a sequel comic I made to the christmas one I posted last time I was on here, this one is *very* representative of my mindset the last week and will hopefully not reflect how I feel now that I survived december. I know for a fact there's mentions I haven't gotten to check yet so I'm gonna do that after laying down for a bit, here's to a chill 2025 where my social anxiety doesn't eat me alive

[gyuswhore]

happy new year everyone! 🤍🎉

I've been tagged endlessly in so many Tumblr wrapped posts and I appreciate you guys thinking of me as being part of your year!! i unfortunately cannot bring myself to count my fics and stats for the year so I won't be participating formally but I still wanted to make an end of year post!

2024 was a lot of everything, I wouldn't categorise it as good or bad but it was definitely a year of new beginnings! I learned a lot, from my community on Tumblr and from my actual life which I'm so immensely grateful for.

There's a lot that's going to be happening in the first quarter of 2025 on this blog and I'm sure everyone is going to have fun being involved!! I do have a couple announcements to make but those will come a little later.

my goals for 2025:

grow @camandemstudios. so much effort went into its creation and running this year and I hope we can expand as much as possible!!

work on my writing, learn from the authors I admire and write more of what I want to write!

work on my art! I definitely want to open an online shop and it's been on my list for YEARS,,,2025 is gonna be the year guys I promise. but before that I need to actually make more pieces!!

read more!!!!! I bought a kindle recently and I hope it'll push me to restart my reading phase, and I really want to start reading fics on here a lot more too!

stay kind, stay positive, and keep this blog as somewhere everyone can lodge themselves!!

I cannot possibly tag all of the people that made my year but I promise, if we interacted in any capacity, you've become someone I cherish. This isn't an exaggeration, I really do appreciate every single like, reblog and reply, every message in my inbox and my dms, to every other writer that I've spoken to this year, you guys are champs!!

To @highvern, my heart and soul; to @the-boy-meets-evil, my ride or die; to @toruro, my first real friend on here and someone who I think has become a friend for life; to @wqnwoos a newer blossom that makes me wonder why we haven't been friends for longer, and someone I hope to grow closer to; to @amourcheol another new one but someone who's so incredibly easy to talk to and I hope to become closer to in the coming year; to @etherealyoungk, for being the kindest sweetest most pure soul; to @miniseokminnies @ugh-yoongi @bitchlessdino @haologram @multi-kpop-fanfics @seungkw1 @tomodachiii @fairyhaos @fxstpace @wongyuseokie and just the entire cam & em studios server, thank you for being my friends no matter how often or sparingly we talk, I appreciate you and I really hope we can all get a little closer in the new year!!! 🤍

[thimbleb3rries]

Scrolling through my drafted posts is so funny because most of them are just tiny text posts that I don't end up actually posting because I've convinced myself that no one wants to see them???

I'm literally so dumb like

It's my blog and I don't have to use it to serve an imaginary audience????

I don't have to be funny or impressive all of the time I can literally just post whatevers on my mind and I'll be fine

It's Tumblr 😭 of all places I'm allowed to have a wacky digital footprint here or be as myself as I want to be

I really need to get out of my own head sometimes

[ninjautizm]

Sam!- i didn’t know you had tumblr 2! :O

I DO!!! Hello!! I also have a bluesky! Since people were moving over there from twitter, I made one in case twitter actually started crashing down and everyone was removing themselves from twitter!

I mainly shitpost about Ninjago on twitter, which I use to do on here as well but then I eventually got lazy 😭

[sonknuxadow]

i hate that the sonic movies get more advertising and attention from the general public than other sonic media does for a number of reasons but one thing that is particularly annoying to me right now is that because of this when a new sonic game or comic or cartoon or literally anything else that im actually excited for happens nobody seems to notice or care that it exists but now that the big new sonic thing (sonic 3) is something that im not really looking forward to at all im constantly being asked and told about it.. like come onnnnn

[oh-meow-swirls]

i think this was funnier in my head.

[mbirnsings-71]

Hey gang- Who knew my first art post to get to 100+ notes would be my parkciv doodles?? Cause I didn't- and as of posting this my shadowgast drawing from 2022 (Which I still really love tbh) just got to 100 notes so like,,, that's wild- So I really have to say thank you to the people who have been reblogging it and liking it!! Also to the people who have been here liking and reblogging my art for a hot minute- You all are very appreciated and I hope you guys have fun with my posts!!

The posts in question I'm referring to for this:

parkciv one

Shadowgast one

[j-esbian]

i lost the post but i saw someone talking about how some of y’all act like being weird is a choice and like. YEAHHHHHHH.

that’s fine, it might be for you. but i just live like this and don’t know any other way. like yeah i’ve worked customer service, i can do innocuous small talk, but anything beyond that, i don’t understand what i’m missing. and it’s frustrating to see the tonal disconnect especially from people who are like “uwu embrace weirdness!!” where they’re like. dressing quirky and talking about bugs and listening to obscure music and eschewing small talk to ask Deep Questions on the first date and unlearning their tendency to not infodump. and generally have an idea of what Weirdness is supposed to look like. idk man some of us wake up and get out of bed and can’t figure out why the rest of their coworkers chitchat with each other but when they join the conversation it dies.

weirdness is value neutral. let’s stop trying to turn it into a badge because quite frankly, it’s not a choice for everyone. it’s fucking exhausting to never be on the same wavelength as other people and they’re going to react the way they do and label you the way they will without any conscious actions on your end. it’s difficult to talk about this without feeling like you’ll be dismissed as immature, a teenager whining “no one understands me” but the thing is. sometimes you don’t grow out of feeling alone and different, and there’s no good way to talk about it without feeling like people will think you’re just fishing for pity.

[animalsandskyyy]

I will forever stand by the thought that simply “being online” and consuming or even posting content, takes a completely different amount of energy than messaging or interacting with others online does.

but that’s something I had to train myself to acknowledge and learn. because it used to hurt and make me overthink when i’d message someone and they wouldn’t respond, but would still be active or posting. like I wouldn’t say that to them, but it overtook my thoughts.

then somehow I just stopped and realized- maybe they’re just tired. or maybe they’re scrolling on the phone in their 5 minutes of free time. maybe they’re in the middle of 3 conversations and are trying their best. maybe they’re in the middle of making a post and didn’t see your message. maybe they’re deep into searching a topic and can’t be distracted. or maybe they just don’t want to talk to you rn, and that’s perfectly okay and valid.

all that to say- it can still hurt sometimes, but giving people grace and thinking the best of them and their intentions, and sincerely hoping they do the same for you, makes life so much more enjoyable, and I highly recommend ♡

[electricpurrs]

i dont know i made a post about this earlier today and then deleted it but yknow. im often up to getting defensive of being "chronically online" because i am by all means chronically online for reasons way beyond my control. i dont have any real life friends and i dont know any other queer people irl. all for reasons beyond my control and very much against my will. but man i think im still like. a normal person. as in not an unpleasant rude online discourse obsessed weirdo. like i think theres a way to be online a lot and be an okay person i think whatever those people have is something even worse

[deathxproof]

hm, out of all of the things I was expecting when I slowly started putting myself back in fandom spaces, “unresolved trauma from being an autistic kid/teen who was always perceived as Too Much” wasn’t on the list, to be quite honest.

[tasmanianstripes]

Sometimes I remember absolutely batshit insane discourse topics I saw when I was a teen and I am just. Amazed

Also, the fact that adults also said this just adds to the insanity tbh

[occidentaltourist]

The way Taylor Swift's online superfans are constantly infantilizing her, as though she isn't grown ass woman running a billion dollar empire with an excellent family support system and every resource at her fingertips; and inserting themselves into her relationship like he needs internet advice on how to be her boyfriend:

And all the petty infighting about Who's a More Correct and Better Fan and whose parasocial speculation about her innermost thoughts and feelings is the most correct interpretation and 200% true actually:

[drownedchimera]

sometimes i think about how often people forget im present in a situation and how easy it is for me to leave them just because nobody notices i left at all

[scholarhect]

i will never outgrow responding to people in confusing ways but it will be ok because people are patient :)

[eggmeralda]

can you get burnout from doing nothing