#it had me feeling Things (TM)
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JAYCE TALIS in ARCANE Season 02 (Act II & III)
#arcaneedit#animationedit#tvedit#arcane#jayce talis#arcanegifs#dailynetflix#animationsource#arcanedaily#animationsdaily#useranya#userkarlo#mygifs#*arcane#flashing gif cw#love this new look on him#it had me feeling Things (TM)
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Assorted Gravity Falls doodles!
#Havent posted anything in a few days cause I keep rotating too many ideas in my brain. These are just some wips. Anyway doodle notes! ->#had to draw twink!Bill okay. Being a pretty boy was like Annatar's whole Thing. & OBVIOUSLY I had to draw Celebrimbor & Annatar Billford#As many pointed out on my LOTR comic Ford would have seen the 80s Animated movies! I may do a post on my thoughts(tm) of him watching it#but to tdlr I think he missed Bashki's Movie in movie theatres and watched it with fiddleford in november 1981! :3#Anyhow was thinking about Trans!Fiddleford & the DOOMED T4T potential of Emma-may also being trans hit me like a truck. I have many thought#Stan: Quit worrying Pointdexter. not like Mabel can find ANOTHER annoyingly smart & gruff yet whimsically eccentric Grunkle to bond with#Mabel * dragging in a bedraggled 12th Doctor *: Guess what I found in the woods!#<- I think Ford should feel socially threatened/jealous and be pushed into being a better grunkle because of it <3#Second to last is PURE indulgence as I am a big Dr Who fan and the Last is Ford after watching Jackson's trilogy ;)#Gravity Falls#GF fanart#Fanart#fan art#Bill cipher#stanford pines#ford pines#grunkle ford#fiddleford mcgucket#young fiddleford mcgucket#young stanford pines#Emma-May Dixon design#doctor who#twelfth doctor#mabel pines#crossover#sketch dump#artists on tumblr#my art
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my dear penelope, we've twenty lost years of love to make up for.
#odypen#odysseus#penelope#greek mythology#GRAAHGHG this was fun to work on even if there are things id change#i was just having fun coming up with a penelope design and then. oops made a whole piece#does it make sense for their olive tree bed to have an ocean view NO but it's the aesthetic tm#originally I had the room closed off but the sunrise colors drew me in ..... i couldn't resist......#I just. think about all of the time they spent apart and yet they still adore each other so much!!!!!#they are THE definition of love imo.#i wanted to give them olive leaves or twigs but it got too cluttered and wonky feeling#i also initially had penelope with olive leaf earrings but changed it to the clasps on her dress#but i think she'd have an assortment of olive themed accessories and whatnot#clasps and hair pins and earrings and necklaces and all of that. because the olive tree represents their love!!!!#the odyssey
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asmo but the way he exists in my brain rn :D + an alt version below!
#obey me#omswd#obey me nightbringer#obey me shall we date#obey me asmodeus#asmodeus#om! asmodeus#the scorpion tail strikes again ahaaa#i saw one singular scorpion tail asmo in the wild and i feel so powerful i had to draw him again#i dont understand the silly scorpion thing that wraps around his torso but whatever#his head ended up kinda pan flag coloured but really what is asmo if not a walking pan flag#this has been starr tags commentary tm#digital art#my art
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the more loved i am and the more i love people on purpose, the more comfortable i get with who i am. i think this is a natural product of getting older as well, you kinda settle into your skin and figure out what you want and how to go after it. the funny part about doing this for me is that like.... i don't feel things like other people do. i just don't. i have a pathological need for attention and i don't form attachments the same way that others do and i break connections very easily and i don't feel guilty about stuff. i do recognize when i'm WRONG and i change my behavior and/or my viewpoints when they're harmful and i actively work to combat my most maladaptive bullshit, so sometimes it's like.
i dunno. the whole stereotype of the self-aggrandizing sociopath who thinks they're above everything is boring, but sometimes it feels like there's something to it. like i'll see sensationalized explanations of 'narcissism' and 'sociopathy' that are like "these people can just choose not to care about stuff," and i'm like....
....yeah??
So The Fuck Can You.
in fact, you do. CONSTANTLY. by telling yourself that the real life living breathing human being asking for change on the street is a scammer, or a predator, or unpleasant, or too sick, or too strung-out, or otherwise too Other and inhuman to help. you only reserve your so-called "intrinsic empathy" for people that you relate to, and you turn it off when it gets uncomfortable.
i know exactly where i'm spending my emotional energy and who i'm spending it on. when i don't spend my emotional energy on someone, it's not because they're an unperson to me. it's because i simply don't wanna put my emotional energy there.
you guys could learn a thing or two about doing this. like. i know why i am how i am. what the fuck is YOUR excuse????
#i had a Debilitating dissociative disorder when i was younger bc i'd partitioned off the defensive me with no empathy versus#the Good (TM) me who Cares#and the older i get the more i'm like. i don't actually need to overextend myself and pretend i feel things i dont to be a good person.#in fact i hurt a LOT of people by pretending to have more energy than i did and then letting them down when they depended upon me#i'm largely very friendly and open and excited and accommodating and that's not a LIE that really is my personality#but it's also a performance to a point. this is closer to what i sound like when i'm not trying to be likable.#idk what to tag this. low empathy people are literally fine actually.
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oo okay. okay okay okay cool. cool!
#dude you cant spring a choice like that on me i need to rotate this over in my head D:#cos. godddd. i WANT to say embrace the rage. she SHOULD she has every right to and it feels kind of bad to tell her not to tbh?#ylva would probably too she is/was SO angry about this whole ordeal#in fact i kinda wish the game had given a dwarf rook special dialogue choices? but i digress#generally i would say that ylva would also tell her to go yeah no! that is justified! we SHOULD be angry!#but also what if this one is a choosing compassion over anger moment for ylva#because yes she does have a big heart and tries to be compassionate but this time it's much harder and a very conscious choice#(also in part bc i already had a ''choosing rage tm'' thing for my poe watcher jfkdsfsjdl)#not like this would Solve Everything between them but. yknow. it's a start!#also something something being inspired by harding despite everything something something holding on to your compassion despite everything#they both also deserve to be angry though#with how much time theyre both spending trying to be Good TM#and either way i dont think harding should be suppressing that anger#im reading that more as like. yes you are angry but dont let it consume you. channel it into something else#mmmmmmmm#decisions decisions.............#laya plays dav#dav spoilers#oc: ylva ingellvar
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also i watch The Wild Robot the other day and oh my god 11/10, absolutely beautiful in every sense of the word, would cry again 👍
#josh talks#literally i cried several times throughout the movie#i do tend to be a crier when it comes to movies#but i have never cried like. in so many instances throughout#like usually its like a big climatic scene or the endings of things that make me cry#but this movie could hit you hard from the very beginning#anyway i absolutely fucking loved it#hit me in the Autism Feels (tm) and also had Found Family and i always eat that shit up#i NEED a physical copy of this movie#also side note the minecraft movie trailer played as a preview for this movie and GOD is that embarrassing for minecraft#to have that mess shown before the stunning masterpiece that is The Wild Robot#but it also made me Sad about the minecraft movie and what it couldve been again#imagine if the love and care put into the Wild Robot was put into the minecraft movie....#cuz the wild robot was gorgeously animated and had powerful emotional themes (that i doubt the minecraft movie will have)#there was even this preview for this movie called like Dog Man or something?#and it seems to be an adaptation of a book by the captain underpants guy#and even with such a silly premise and presumably having a target audience of young kids#it was animated so charmingly!! it was pretty and oozed personality!#and looking at the cover of the book it seems to have done a good job of adapting the artstyle into 3D while#also polishing it up while still capturing a similar vibe as the original#like dang. i dont mean to insult dog man cuz i really dont know anything about it. but dang dog man got#so much more love and care into it than the minecraft movie seems to have gotten#anyway sorry to derail from wild robot to minecraft it was just so jarring to have that trailer play before this awesome movie#pls go watch it if u can <3#ive been telling people i know that if they decide to go watch it to tell me so i can tag along and watch it again
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Me normally: Let people love what they love
Me, after a Test Match Special commentator expresses their belief that the new All Creatures Great and Small is somehow "better" than the 1978 version: This is pure insanity and TMS can no longer be trusted on anything, how can they even be trusted to know about cricket, do they have no TASTE
#Look it's fine that this show exists and people will watch it and like it and that's ok maybe it's just not for me#But that was like a statement purely designed to piss me off#There were lots of issues with the 1978 adaptation! I still vastly preferred the books any day!#And I actually initially had high hopes for the new one because they at least cast a Scot (albeit a Highlander not a Clydesider) as James#And the actors at least looked a little bit younger than Christopher Timothy and Robert Hardy#And thank god Helen actually sounds like she's a farmer's daughter and doesn't speak RP!#But from the half hour I've seen of it I've had to write off this new adaptation#For two major reasons#First of all there's Siegfried#Siegfried is one of the key central aspects of the vibe of the books and therefore key to any adaptation#Robert Hardy was too short and too old for the part but he lived and breathed the character#The twinkle in the eye bouncing off the walls and in and out of rooms followed by half a dozen dogs utterly full of life even when angry#But this new Siegfried is just sort of... Eeyore-esque; he comes into a room and you can see the flowers droop and the set turn grey#Siegfried was angry Siegfried was happy and the historical character he was based on was no stranger to melancholy#Since Donald Sinclair did commit suicide or rather self-euthanasia after Alf Wight and his own wife Audrey died#But this slow grumbly figure in the new adaptation is not Siegfried Farnon- the book character didn't grumble more often he exploded#And why did the adaptation give him a dead wife that's so weird? What could that possibly add to the source material?#And this brings me onto my second problem which is to do with women and age#Firstly I have no idea why they aged down Mrs Hall or at least made her look younger than a woman her age would have back then#But what really drove me mad was when Heriot goes out to see some old woman hill farmer in the episode I saw#And this woman is far too clean and young-looking and you can see that she's wearing 'natural' look make-up#And a perfect set of clothes that looked like they were straight out of the House of Bruar autumn collection catalogue#Say what you like about the 1978 adaptation but old women looked like old women regardless of whether or not they wore make-up#It may be that the better quality of television screens means that the 'natural look' shows up on screen more clearly than it would have#But natural look make-up was not really a thing in the 1930s and for old women Yorkshire hill farmers I doubt they'd have much on at all#They just don't seem to be capable of allowing people to look old and wrinkled and real or have bad teeth or unattractive clothes#And everything is far too tidy- everybody looks far too perfectly country and quaint#Anyway the moral of this story is of course that I always recommend reading the books because they're much better#than any tv adaptation; but if forced to choose at least the 1970s one felt real and yet didn't have to be grim either#Ok that's my rant over please do feel free to enjoy the show I just got annoyed because the opinion was expressed on TMS
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one thing i really deeply wish is that i'd had access as a kid to the plural community and information that are more easily available today, instead of my first experience with plural community which both took it seriously and was nonjudgmental having been 10's era tul/pa.info lmao
#moogletalks#in some ways it was a wonderful community; and it taught me a lot of really helpful things#and made me feel validated and hopeful that This is a Thing That You Can Continue to Be and Develop in an Adult Life#instead of feeling like there was a time limit for when plurality stopped being Childlike Imagination and started being Craziness(tm)#(lots to unpack there lol)#.....in other ways not only was there Some Real Fuckery going on in the community in general; on an interpersonal basis#but i cannot overstate how horrifically toxic and damaging some of the things it taught me about plurality were#and how when i entered the phase of young adulthood where i realized the approach it had demanded of me was unsustainable to my survival#instead of having other perspectives on hand to go 'hey yeah you're not torturing your parts to death out of laziness if they go dormant'#'and/or if you don't spend hours of extremely grueling intensive work at minimum into maintaining them every single day of your life'#'and that if they dissolve into nothing because you Didn't Pay Them Enough Attention and you try to recreate them it won't be the same one'#'and if they DO actually come back as themselves they'll be horribly broken and traumatized and probably hate you forever'#'who the fuck told you that. oh my god?'#all i had to go on was 'either you're plural or you live an actual functional life in the real world; and i can't not do the latter atp'#and the result was repressing myself in an incredibly traumatic way i have just never fully recovered from even now#the fun cherry on top was that later when i *did* try to ask (very kind and well-meaning) plural ppl from another mental health community#if anything i described sounded familiar to their own experiences; or ones they had heard from other people#their response was pretty much 'idk that doesn't sound plural to me; i'm sorry; it's something where if you have it you know :('#me crying my eyes out for days afterward: obviously this reaction is bc i want to appropriate plurality to feel special#and am throwing tantrums at having the bubble broken by Reality#anyway. it's been a lot and yeah i really wish i'd had literally any other affirming plural community as a kid lol#ableism cw#internalized ableism cw#pluralitag#traumatag#adventures in mental illness#disabilitag
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i’m like so annoying abt her im sorry JJFJSJDJDJW other than the fact that i see myself a lot in her, whenever i see a character that yknow. has so much potential in terms of storytelling i just wanna pour everyhting i have into making other ppl realize that potential yknow. shes my shining star ue ue ue idkkkkk broooo im silly im silly im silly and i truly believe she adds a really fascinating branch to royal trio. yea. looks around. i hope i don’t sound stupid here
#i was just looking thru an artist i like’s stuff nd they posted abt “royal trio but based and it had ham instead of sumi which#WELL. I SUPPOSE. it’d have a diff dynamic tm and i think it’d be fun as fuck but i truly thjnk royal trio has smth fascinating!!! AHH!!!#DO PPL GET ME.#like idk i like. sumi’s whole. selfishness. thing. and. grief and loss and identity and#she is so angry that she implodes which is cool. ham is kind of similar but in a more prickly sense i feel#but im not a ham expert <- she is a rio expert instead#cele talks#i need to take a nap…….
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OKAY NOT DONE TALKING ABOUT THE LITTLE GARDEN ARC
ESPECIALLY THE NARRATIVE PARALLELS BETWEEN ZORO AND SANJI AND DORRY AND BROGGY??? THE FACT THAT THOSE PARALLELS PARTICULARLY IMPLY THAT THEY HAVE A SPECIAL BOND THAT WILL LAST LITERALLY FOREVER???
THE VISUAL WHERE THE AUDIENCE REALIZES THAT THE MOUNTAIN RANGES WERE SKULLS?? PAIRED WITH THEM LYING IN THE SAME POSITION AS ZORO AND SANJI'S TWO DINOSAURS LEFT BEHIND ON THE BEACH?
average tumblr user notices single instance of symbolism, more at 11.
but usopp getting more moments of bravery!!! WE STAN HIS ARC!!!!! I LOVE HIM!!!
zoro getting to laugh and tease people this arc was beautiful, i love that stupid cunty bitch
sanji getting his part of the arc done through cunty trespassing, lying through his teeth, and beating up animals? FANTASTIC THANK YOU FOR MY LIFE (specifically thank you for that twisting move he did with his heels around the vultures head. how does it feel to live MY. D R E A M)
LUFFY WAS SO SHAPED. I WOULD KILL FOR HIM. HE'S SO FERAL.
and calling it now, nami is absolutely going to get malaria girl is the QUEEN of "it's nothing [2 episodes later it is in fact a resonant Something with excruciating plot relevance and emotional stakes attached to it"
almost simped for crocodile but miss all sunday was Right There MA'AM. MA'AM. RESPECTFULLY AND ASEXUALLY, TILL THE BED FUCKING BREAKS--
also he has a giant gold pet which i don't fuck with. also his rings remind me of redd white from ace attorney who is Unfuckable as he is a murderer of a mentor figure (other forms of murder have not detered me from simping in the past. in fact it is typically a point in a character's favor)
also oh my god tumblr makes so much more sense now that i am attempting to use it while high, my fluency rate and understanding of how every person on this platform is distressingly and hilariously comfortable assuming their experience is universal
okay but the still of the giant's weapon shards thrown over their head in victory? makes me insane, will never be over it cannot fucking handle it will be crying forever and ever
#oli oscillates#one piece#one piece little garden#however one thing i will say also is i read a zosan fic wherein sanji asked zoro when zoro knew he loved him#and zoro answered 'little garden' which after seeing this arc i sense that that is BULLSHIT#i feel like that's probably when he started FALLING#as there is DEFINITELY a shift in how zoro talks to him in that reuniting scene. like the vibe of that was different#but zoro would not. realize that yet??? i genuinely don't think#like#like they have only been a consistent crew for arlong loguetown and the laboon arc?? (not counting apis as she's anime filler#and i skipped it)#i think this is when zoro would start QUESTIONING why he cares so much about who wins between him and sanji.#why he's so desperate to be relevant to him. why he has to give as good as he gets#and i think sanji respectfully#IS NOT THERE YET. his character from what i understand at this point in the show is.#well the POINT of his delivery is that he has three faces. how he treats women how he treats men. and how he treats someone he fights#(the last of which is implied to be the “truest” version of him--the iron core that makes him worthwhile as a Good Guy Deep Down tm)#and consequently a member of the strawhats)#i would love to see how future arcs handle the interaction of those three dynamics or a more unified sense of self for sanji#because much as i am down bad nasty for him there's this profound like. i almost want to say insecurity in him that makes him feel--#very wet cat traumatized. he gives me “unloved as an early child and therefore has a fucked up sense of self or love as concepts” vibes#it wouldn't surprise me if he didn't fall until much later than zoro#anyways#mutuals forgive me for holding you hostage in the tags accidentally i have had the goofy silly
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Hah, so uh how to explain to my parents that I have reconsidered wanting to move back to the wannabe fascist state after all
#personal#vent#my folks are real attached to tx#understandable thats where they grew up#but i kinda wonder if they realize that its not the same tx they grew up in anymore#its to be close to family and because one story houses being more of the norm over there means my mom could get some independence back#and i understand it from those angles#i already tried to have the fight with my mom years ago about just going back without me#not only did she say i was shortsighted for cutting myself off from a support structure#(i wanst i had friends who could help should shit happen but whatever)#she also called me selfish for being the only one who wanted to not go back and keeping everyone else here#at this point my folks would be better off going back because they're not going to see too much of the blowback of The Shit(tm)#but i would and that sucks#it was one thing when the plan was to stay around austin but now that's not even in the considerations anymore#i hate feeling like i have to martyr myself for their sake#when the easy answer is for them to go back and i stay here#its not like i visited home all that much when i was on my own in the same town#so cross country wouldnt be all that different#i guess i could get them there and then figure out how feasible it is to move to colorado or something after the fact#but then i really would be throwing out my whole support structure because i wouldnt even have friends to lean on#anyway i fucking hate being in this position
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The Mill On The Floss by George Elliot
#classic literature#the classics#english literature#george elliot#Im having an absolute time ^tm reading this#nothing makes your misseries feel better than characters who are going through things far worse#Maggie reminds me of a young Elizabeth Bennet if she had grown up actually poor#also loving the reference to sappho
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when people complain about getting like, a 98% grade on something because it was "so close to perfect" its like. i understand what you're saying on a technical level. but that is a line of thought so far away from my experiences and ways of thinking that i do feel like im from another planet. 100% isnt even a real number to me
#i kinda understand when its something like a multiple choice test or something where there is an objective answer#it might feel like u got so close but just missed one#again still a bit alien to me because my scholarly performance is mysterious and anything over 70 is great to me#but i mean ive had a 98 before once in a math test. i did get exactly 1 bit of 1 question wrong#but i didnt really care that it was one off from perfect i was too busy being happy because that was the highest mark id ever received#and the previous math test i had taken got a 53% . grade 11 was a wild time for me in math class GHJKSHFKds#anyway i kinda see where ur coming from with stuff with right or wrong answers like that#but i sometimes get friends in class complain that they got a 95 or something on an art assignment#because they think they got docked 5 points for one or two little things#but i dunno. thats not really how fine arts departments in university tend to grade things#you dont start at 100 and get docked marks for things you got wrong. i dont think ive ever seen a 100% on something like that#tbh the numbers are a little arbitrary i find. i do prefer to try to get em higher because that helps with grants and stuff#but the numbers dont mean all that much in fine arts or in art history (my two majors) a 75 and a 95 can function the same depending on lik#weighting and context and feedback and whatever. i dunno its a wild world out there#it might just be the perspective of someone who did really goodbad in school. (GoodBad (tm) its when ur good but also kinda bad at school!)#compared to someone who got a lot of perfects in mandatory schooling. i sympathise i really do that kind of pressure sounds insane#but while i sympathize i cant really empathize as much unfortunately with this specifically orz its a world very far outside my purview!#100%s arent real to me so they never cross my mind to be worried about LOL
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*uncontrollable guttural screaming intensifies*
#need to write a story or perhaps an academic work. to cleanse my brain#I'm sure part of this is just that I have less than a week before I leave and so even though cosnciously#I don't feel very stressed about it... it's still a subconscious stressor yknow???#I've been trying to do matcha in the mornings instead of coffee first thing and I do feel a bit better doing that#the only effect caffeine has ever had in me is The Anxieties TM so like. I still drink lots of coffee#but opening the day with Gentler caffeine is nice. also apparently green tea is good for ye Olde brain so yeah#anyway :')
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my psychiatrist was trying to explain that a lot of my depression and anxiety probably stems from my trying to force myself into a (neurotypical/allistic) mold that i wasn't made for and that it's nothing to be ashamed of and she listed elon musk and bill gates as my fellow autists and that made me cry harder
#mia.txt#i wasnt like crying bc i was diagnosed with ASD it was more just crying cause i cry all the time now and it was a cathartic session#oh i forgot to mention it but god i cant even describe the weird feeling of being told im actually autistic (UNPROMPTED)#after like. wondering for so many years but being too scared to bring it up to any psychiatrist#so i was just like well maybe i am or maybe i just have adhd. thats ok im not too worried about it :)#and then i was just like talking about my sensory issues being exacerbated by my meds#and then she started asking me more questions abt my sensory issues and social problems and then she pointed out that i#had been rocking back and forth the entire time. which i genuinely dont even notice anymore like i was like oh shit i sure am doing that#and she basically went through the whole questionnaire and was like has no one really ever brought up the possibility that you were#on the spectrum. because you definitely are#and i was like 🤷🏻♀️ idk! im not sure#but it was probably pretty damning that the one other time i had gotten tested he literally gave up bc the questions were too vague#oh but anyway like no that doesnt help actually 😔#i really don't think its shame-based like i KNOW im Different(TM) thats not shocking to me#but i do expend an insane amount of mental and emotional energy trying to be Normal and pretend i am not autistic#the masking that is causing me so much stress is the very thing that prevented me from being diagnosed earlier lmfaooo
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