#it feels like a point of no return and i think thy know it to an extent | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

doodlejoltik · 4 months ago

Text

grass knot

[~4.5k words, read it here or on Ao3. tagged with Volo and Lance since they appear as prominent characters; Rei-centric]

Why is it that even the thought of confiding in Akari, his closest friend, makes something constrict in his chest, choking out the words?

Rei, caught in the stirrings of a new arc, tries to rise to its call, but trips over the past at every turn.

A full rewrite of that Mysterious Stones chapter where Volo first shows up, from Rei’s POV, plus a bit more. Written mostly before the Arceus Arc began.

(Setting expectations: a lot of this fic is just Rei Thinking About Stuff haha. Love getting into his head! His characterisation is a little bit different/more nuanced compared to the other Rei oneshot I wrote; hopefully you'll still be along for the ride if you've read that one!)

“Show me thy bond.” It echoes inside Rei’s skull, down to the very bone, the same as in his earliest memories. He nearly buckles under its weight, but it's a welcome feeling.

After so long without direction, this is a relief. Arceus has finally spoken.

The words fit perfectly with the half-remembered fragments Rei had received some weeks ago in the middle of the night. Why hadn't they been intelligible then? What makes now different? The sync stones ultimate are one factor, of course. Maybe Arceus draws power from them, which is strange to say of a deity, but from what he knows of the Plates, it might not be so far-fetched.

Prince Lear disperses the murmuring crowd; so, the audience all heard it too, not just those on the arena floor. Professor Bellis congratulates Bettie. Cynthia, Lance and Steven whisper among themselves. And his mind still whirls with new theories as they gather together.

What does Arceus want?

‘Seek out all Pokemon’ had meant completing the Pokedex. At least, that’s what he’d assumed. Now, this time, Arceus likely means for them to showcase bonds with their Pokemon, given the context. But what does that actually entail?

Cynthia’s words cut above everyone else's. “Rei. Was that voice…?”

All eyes are on him. He breathes deeply, steeling himself, as the familiar weight of it settles in. Things are moving, now.

“Yes. I'm certain. That was —”

“Indeed! That was a message from Arceus!”

His words catch in his throat. Off-balance, suddenly, as all his thoughts fall away, replaced by a swooping feeling he can't quite identify —

He whirls around.

Volo is here.

He takes a few steps back, an involuntary half-stumble, before remembering himself.

Those flashes of movement he's been seeing, the feeling of being watched, a Togepi, unattended: they’re all now terrifyingly validated. He'd half thought them a product of his overactive mind.

“Excuse-moi, pardon me… but who are you?” Professor Bellis ventures.

“I'm Volo — a humble merchant who loves history and mythology!” With that, he flashes a winning smile. Rei could laugh at the sheer audacity of it all, but his thoughts are still strewn across the dusty ground, scattered, and they slip from his grasp as he tries to gather them up. Whatever sense of gravity he’d felt upon hearing Arceus’ voice has completely lifted.

“But more importantly!” Volo continues. “When the arena shone brightly, I also heard that voice.” He brings his hand up to point at the air with enthusiastic emphasis, a gesture still so terribly familiar. Rei clenches his fists, feeling the nails dig into his skin. Not really out of anger. More as a reminder.

The last time he’d seen Volo had been. Well. Memorable. But that isn’t the image that smiles back at him now, tripping him up. He's in Gingko uniform again, complete with ridiculous oversized backpack, which Rei had thought discarded, up there on the peak. Apparently not. Had Volo returned later, still seething, to collect his things? The concept is strangely hilarious.

“I wonder… these sync stones ultimate… might they be some sort of test from Arceus? If we could show him that ‘bond’ he desires —”

“Sorry, test? Arceus?” Cynthia interrupts with a frown, holding a hand out. “What makes you say that?”

“Why, it's quite simple. Arceus' presence was summoned by these stones, in this exhibition, and he requests us to further show our bond. What else could he desire?” Volo says, gesturing widely.

Rei finally pulls himself upright — scrapes his thoughts together into something resembling coherence. The initial shock has drained away, settling into a distant sort of apprehension. He watches silently. Volo’s not really saying anything too unreasonable, but where is this leading?

There’s so much he doesn’t know. What has Volo been doing, all this time? How long has he been on Pasio? What does he hope to gain, approaching them like this?

He’ll let Volo continue, then. It's an opportunity for some of those questions to be answered.

(And it gives Rei time to think of what to say.)

“Well, put that way, that does make sense,” Steven nods along. “Should we organise for more trainers to try the stones, then?”

“Oui, I would love to gather more data!” Professor Bellis answers. “However, the stones are still quite volatile. There is progress on this, yes, but for now, I would like to limit their use, capisci?”

At this, Bettie speaks up. “Yeah, it was weird.” She runs a hand through her Pikachu’s fur, the mouse curled up lazily in her arms. Nobody in Hisui was quite that affectionate with their Pokemon. Certainly not Akari, though she'd grown closer with her own Pikachu over time. As for himself, Decidueye had been standoffish, averse to being carried even as a baby Rowlet. Well, actually — as his distracted mind digs deeper into memory, he recalls — there had been Volo and his Togepi.

He casts that errant thought away, buries it deep once again. Bettie is still speaking.

“And it was like nothing was there, at first, and Pikachu and I had to concentrate really hard. And then — whoosh! Wow! Overwhelming,” she shifts Pikachu’s weight to one arm to gesture with emphasis, “and all at once.”

“And this is when Arceus spoke,” Lance asks.

Bettie nods, now subdued. “It was a rush! I think you guys could handle it, but I dunno if everyone could.”

“If I may,” and all attention returns to Volo. “It seems the stones can currently be used by trainers with particularly powerful convictions, and bonds with their Pokemon,” he gestures with a smile to Bettie. She blushes.

At the casual flattery, Rei can't help the small frown that twists onto his face. It seems innocent enough, but compliments and niceties can so easily mask true intent.

Especially with Volo.

Volo continues. “Perhaps we might solve this by way of a tournament, of sorts. Allowing Arceus to witness our talent and dedication, with the victor bestowed the honour of using the stones! Of course, the winner of such a competition would have the fortitude necessary to handle such power.”

Well, taking that to its logical end… Volo wants to win, and be granted this ‘honour’ he so conveniently proposed. But why go to all this trouble? The stones appear out in the streets quite often — apparently, found even by preschoolers. Volo should have no trouble obtaining them.

Does he know something they don't?

“Bettie here led the first winning PML team, did she not?” At this, the girl in question smiles Mareepishly. “And that is why she was the one to demonstrate the stones, I presume,” Volo inclines his head towards the Champions.

Informed guess, or something more? He thinks back on half-seen, furtive movements, and wonders.

“That's right,” Steven confirms. “Bettie is a shining example to us: a leader of the next generation. We decided there was no better choice.”

“So you suggest we hold another tournament,” Lance says thoughtfully. “Well, there is precedent. Prince Lear,” he turns to the Prince, whom Rei had honestly half forgotten was there. “What do you think?”

Before Lear can reply, Volo reinserts himself into the conversation. “It would be a grand tournament, truly fitting of Pasio's reputation. Why, perhaps, the deity Arceus might even be compelled to descend —”

Ah. So that’s what he intends. “Aren't you getting ahead of yourself there?” Rei interrupts. He means to sound stern, but it comes out sounding more incredulous. Not at the idea itself, but at how brazenly it’s admitted.

“Perhaps,” Volo says with a careless shrug. He doesn’t acknowledge Rei any differently than the others, still maintaining their inadvertently shared ruse. “It's only speculation, of course, but it is exciting to think about!”

“Hmph! I believe I was the one being addressed,” Prince Lear declares, arms crossed. His red shades flash dangerously, eyes hidden under their glint. Directed at him, it's almost like the full glare of an Alpha Pokemon.

Rei’s face flushes with heat to the tips of his ears. Great time he picked to enter the discussion. He quietly ducks his head down; the Prince is in charge, here, after all. He'd rather not test his patience.

Meanwhile, Volo just smiles, seemingly unfazed.

There's a part of him that really wants to know how Volo does that. It's just — he's so confident. How can he be so sure that everything will work out in his favour?

“A grand tournament,” Prince Lear ponders, tapping his foot. “And what could be grander than the second Pokemon Masters League?”

“Indeed!” Volo beams. “I'm sure the audience would love to see the clash between a king and a deity, would they not?”

Lear's tapping stills. His guarded stance loosens; he's taken aback. Volo emphasised king, and oh, Lear's official title is Prince. Hm.

There's something more deliberate about it beyond just casual flattery.

Lear uncrosses his arms and seems at a loss, for a moment, on where to put them before straightening up with his hands on hips. “Is that so?” He laughs. “I like the sound of that!” A pause, unnecessarily dramatic. Nobody breaks the silence, not even Volo.

The Prince looks around with some satisfaction and continues. “Very well, then. The winning team of the second PML will be granted the honour of using the sync stones ultimate.” He grins, sharply, red shades flashing once again. “Which will include me, of course. Hahahahaha!”

“You have a real gift for making quick decisions!” Volo says cheerfully. The tension breaks. Chuckles arise from the rest of the group, and Rei can only stare in disbelief. That — that has to be mockery, right? But everyone else seems to take it as light teasing, even the quick-tempered Prince himself.

Against his better judgement, his gaze catches Volo’s.

He doesn't know what he expects to see: amusement? Satisfaction? Triumph? And there's some of that, but it's a wry, knowing sort of look, like a joke shared only between the two of them.

Already the others are starting to animatedly discuss between themselves. Bettie makes a teasing comment to Lear, who scoffs. Professor Bellis says something about checking in on the sync stone technology. Cynthia, Lance and Steven form their own little group again, speaking in low tones, and he can't quite follow their discussion.

It seems like he's the only one who notices Volo quietly slipping away, and he's got half a mind to do the same.

Would it be incredibly ill-advised to follow him? Probably. But he still has questions. And it’s possible that Volo will let his guard down when they're alone.

(Even to him, that seems incredibly optimistic. But there’s things between them that he himself would rather only unearth in private. Maybe Volo feels the same way. And even if not, perhaps he'll gloat, or tease playfully, and let on something of use hidden in the thorned barbs.)

It's not like he has much left to contribute here. Tournaments and competitions and organised displays are foreign to him. The Neo Champion Stadium had felt so different from the kind of battles he’s used to… which, in part, could be why he lost.

He needs to train. If everything rests on the result of this tournament, he has to be ready.

The group seems to be naturally dispersing, at least — Professor Bellis just excused herself — so he won't be missed. With some quick words, he, too, turns to leave. They can handle this part, and Rei will do his.

Prince Lear had mentioned a winning team, and Pasio battles are generally three on three, from what he's seen. Who could he ask? There's Akari, of course. And the clan leaders, but it would feel strange to team up with only one and not the other. A little bit too reminiscent of another time.

His steps carry him nearly to the edge of the arena.

Besides, he's getting ahead of himself. He still has to… well, he should explain everything to them. About Volo.

Even all these months later, it still aches. He had buried it all, hoping to let it rot away, to be free of that thorny mass of contradictory feelings that arose every time he dwelled on it.

But the longer he waits, the more impossible it seems to explain — to explain not only the events of that fateful day, but also his own, confusing silence on the matter. Though he’s tried to plough the field, turn it all over and start anew, it still lies just beyond the surface, and a single misstep is all it takes to snarl him all over again. Why is it that even the thought of confiding in Akari, his closest friend, makes something constrict in his chest, choking out the words?

(Akari is unquestionably the one person he's closest to. But there was a time when that singular title wasn't so clear cut.)

There’s a sort of tunnel that leads out of the stadium, a long darkened archway that passes under the audience stands. He's about halfway through when he hears footsteps from behind, swift and purposeful strides.

His breath catches, for a moment. But Volo left first, and the arena had been flat and wide, with no corners to lurk in. Besides, it's too loud. Clearly telegraphed.

Cynthia, maybe?

He turns. The face that greets Rei is slightly less familiar. “Lance,” he acknowledges the Champion.

“Rei,” Lance greets in turn, stopping a few paces away. Arms crossed, silhouetted against the light of the arena and framed by the tunnel’s dark, arching walls, his tall figure is — intimidating.

He can’t help but wonder whether that's deliberate.

“You left before I could ask,” Lance says, and there's a pause. “As someone who has prior experience with Arceus, what do you think of all this?”

A fair enough question. But the way it's said… sounds a little too carefully worded. Casual, but purposefully so.

What sort of answer does Lance expect?

“It sounds reasonable enough,” he decides to say. As much as he hates to lend credence to Volo’s proposal, he can't think of anything better. It somehow seems to suit their needs perfectly, which he's sure is no accident. “Back in Hisui, I was told to seek out all Pokemon, so I helped with the Pokedex. In the same way, I guess this could help fulfil Arceus' new request.”

Lance nods along, but his brows furrow. “You sounded more sceptical, earlier,” he points out.

Ah. Not really his intent, but… “That was about the more…” he casts about for the right word, “speculative part of it. I don't know if it would really call Arceus down, or anything like that.” Though honestly, he doesn't know that it won't.

“What do you think will happen, then?” Lance asks, with clear curiosity, and, well. He doesn't really have a good answer to that.

“... I don't know,” he admits. “I never actually completed the Pokedex, so I'm not sure what happens after Arceus’ request is fulfilled.” He had been close, but there had still been so many minor tasks that needed finishing, things to busy himself with, to arrange and get in order before he had to face Giratina again.

He hadn't been ready, yet. Maybe Arceus had grown impatient, and brought him here to confront his problems directly. Maybe it cared. Maybe it didn't.

(Seeing Giratina with Cynthia had felt a little like he was the punchline of some divine comedy.)

Lance purses his lips and looks off into the distance, out of the stadium, past Rei. He wishes he could read the man’s expressions better; as it is, the set of his brows calls to mind Kamado, and everything else tangled up with it.

Finally, Lance’s gaze turns directly to Rei once again, and he speaks. “That Volo… you two know each other.”

It’s not a question, but even then, the expression of unguarded surprise he can’t hold back might be answer enough.

Lance has one hand on his hip, the other, at rest, is framed by the drape of his cape. He looks down at Rei as he states plainly, “His clothes aren’t of modern make, so the logical assumption would be that he’s from Hisui. Cynthia confirmed my suspicion. And, historically, Hisuian communities were few and quite tightly knit. It’s more likely than not.”

He tries to keep his expression carefully neutral, as logic digs deeper, dangerously close to things unexplainable. And the earth is already recently disturbed, soft, friable. He can’t offer much resistance. “I've seen him around,” he concedes.

“But why did neither of you acknowledge the other?” Lance looks confused; frustrated, even. “Even a passing acquaintance would be notable, with both of you being here in the future.”

And here — this is familiar. The accusations. The questions he can’t answer. But it’s different; it’s not that he doesn’t know the answers. He just can’t seem to put them in an order that would make sense, to anyone else.

(Does he really understand, himself?)

But eyes are on him, and he needs to explain, in whatever unsatisfactory way he can. “Volo and I… it's complicated,” he laughs weakly, tugging at his scarf. “He genuinely does love history and mythology, you know. I guess I wouldn't be that surprised if he was right about Arceus.” All those times they’d pored over ruins together, Volo excitedly babbling on about whatever legend this one related to — there had to have been the seed of something real, something genuine, in that.

It’s not really an answer. Lance can obviously tell, because he crosses his arms.

“Is he bad news?” he asks bluntly.

There’s no twisting his way out of this one.

Some of the panic he’s feeling must bubble up onto his face, because Lance’s expression softens, just a bit. The man sighs. “Look, Rei, I don’t know what’s going on between you two, but us Champions need to have all the relevant information. This tournament, the stones,” he gestures around them, “affect everyone here on Pasio. So I’m sorry about involving myself in your business, but it's necessary. Should we be keeping an eye on Volo?”

It’s obvious what the correct answer is. And every second he delays responding makes him seem all the more untrustworthy. He questions, a little hysterically, why this of all things is what he stubbornly roots himself for, risking this place he’s made for himself in another unfamiliar land.

But his jaw works, and all that slips out of his throat, past the thorny tangle, is a “Maybe.” The most ground he can concede. “Volo’s… passionate about Arceus.” Which is perhaps the biggest understatement of both this century and the last.

There's an expectant pause. He almost leaves it at that, but it seems it's too unfinished a sentiment for Lance. “He wants to be seen by it.”

“The same way you are?” Lance says sharply. Arceus, he picked up on that fast. Rei hopes he leaves it at that. A rivalry fallen apart, twisted into bitterness and jealousy, nothing more.

Nothing world-ending.

It’s not like he doesn’t trust Cynthia, and by extension the other Champions. It’s just… he can deal with it himself. It’s what he was probably brought here to do, anyway. The thought of someone else turning him over, and finding him lacking — fighting his battles for him — makes him uneasy.

“Yeah, something like that,” he answers, with a painful swallow.

Besides, he hopes he can resolve this peacefully. He’d beaten Volo before, even after he’d flipped the rules of battle on their head. And this time Volo can’t upend the script; one good thing about tournaments, he supposes, is that the rules are rigorously upheld. A different sort of battleground.

He wants to laugh at that. Suppositions and wildly optimistic thoughts are his only foundation, and yet it’s enough for him to reject all possibility of outside help.

Then again, if he can’t even bring himself to tell Akari, what chance does he have of breaking that self-imposed silence, here, on less familiar ground?

Lance hums, assessing this. He uncrosses his arms. “If that friend of yours does anything drastic, tell us, alright?” he says. It’s said warmly, but there's something serious to it. An undertone. “Our job is to help out wherever we can, so don’t hesitate to reach out.”

Rei tries for a smile. “Understood.”

Lance nods, and looks Rei up and down, though it's only a subtle flicker of his eyes. His gaze lingers on the scarf at Rei’s neck, which Rei realises he’s been fidgeting with unconsciously. He lets go with faint embarrassment, feeling caught out.

The other man sighs. “You can go, you know?” There’s resignation in his voice. Maybe even something apologetic. In that moment, he seems more like Kamado than ever.

Rei doesn’t want to turn his back to him, but he wants to be here even less. So he nods, stiffly, and turns himself around, continuing the dark walk through the tunnel and out the stadium at a steady pace.

He doesn’t run.

(But his hand hovers by his satchel, where Decidueye's Pokeball rests.)

It’s only when he’s walked for a good while, out into the harsh sunlight, through the town outskirts and to a more forested spot, that the tension drains from him. He sits at the base of a large tree, feeling a little lightheaded.

That was… an interrogation, to put it bluntly. And he can’t really fault Lance for it. To anyone, he's sure, his actions are confusing at best.

Unfortunately, he’s found that he’s less than clear headed when it comes to Volo. He turns over Lance’s final words. That friend of yours. It’s not surprising Lance phrased it that way; everything Rei had said had been carefully woven to lead him to that conclusion.

Except it hadn’t been misdirection, not fully. He does still think of Volo as his friend, despite everything.

He slumps backwards, against the trunk of the tree, feeling the rough bark dig against the base of his skull.

What is he supposed to do with that?

Apparently, one of the worst days of his life isn’t enough to uproot over a year of growing camaraderie and budding friendship. Too many memories knot together, a stubborn tangle impossible to pick apart. He’s tried not to think about them too hard, but they tighten their hold once again, from where they lay dormant and buried.

Many of them have been forcibly recontextualised. He’s second guessed every helpful gift, every directly admiring word, every coincidental and fortunate appearance, as something deliberate and cultivated. But some of it, it seems, doesn't fit so neatly with that singular goal.

One day, they’d watched Togepi use Metronome for an hour, ostensibly for Rei’s surveying purposes. Important documentation of a seemingly random phenomenon, and all that. In actuality, they laughed the entire time, with no useful or coherent records to speak of, as the results became all the more improbable.

They’d camped together, those last months, as the search for the Plates got wilder and more exciting. He knows Volo’s favoured way to build a camp-fire, and how he wakes up unreasonably early in the morning, and that he prefers sweet foods over savoury, unlike Rei himself. A hundred mundane familiarities shared, taking root in fallow ground.

Once, Volo had been his only friend in the entire world.

Is it surprising, then, that he can’t lay this friendship to rest so easily?

He wonders what it means, that the hand offered to him at his lowest point was the same one that always meant to drag him back down. And what it means that he still wants to reach for it.

Had any real feelings been sowed there, on Volo’s part? Or was the entire thing a carefully constructed weaving, an intricate field of grass knots laid around Rei, ready to catch him in their snare?

He can’t quite strangle the hope that something of their friendship still exists, even if neglected and overgrown. And that’s the part that scares him.

He has Akari, and Adaman, and Irida. He has Professor Laventon and the Captain, though they’re far away. Then there’s the Wardens, more friendly faces: Mai, Sabi, Ingo, and all the others; there's Zisu and Pesselle and Beauregard and everyone else in Jubilife. New friends here on Pasio, too.

He pulls out Decidueye’s Pokeball from his satchel, and rolls it around in his right hand. He has his beloved Starter.

He has friends. He has bonds.

Why can’t that be enough?

The Pokeball he’s holding isn't the original. He'd had to break that well-loved possession in two, and recapture Decidueye in this modern device. It's a distant echo of its predecessor, wooden grooves and clunky iron replaced by smooth metal and near imperceptible seams. The weight of it is all wrong.

But despite that, it's still his partner, and that's what matters.

(The two broken halves sit in his satchel, too, carried on his person at all times. It's yet another thing he can't bring himself to let go of.)

He sighs, tracing formless shapes in the dirt. His hand finds one of the sparse clumps of grass that grow here, directly under this wide and mighty tree. Deprived of proper sun, it’s a miracle that there’s any at all.

It seems more and more likely that he’ll end up looking for Volo on his own. To get answers: not only about the stones, and the tournament, and Volo’s intentions with Arceus, but also for his own ends.

Maybe there’s still something there. A single glimpse of life in this scorched earth between them.

He doesn’t know what he’ll do then.

Where he sits, what little grass there is has grown long and ragged, as their leaves stretch and reach for the sun. He sets Decidueye’s ball down and plucks two long blades. With a few simple loops and twists, they’re deftly woven together into a knot. He considers it, looping it around his fingers; tightens it, pulling on both ends, until he can feel the entire construct threaten to snap from the force. He stops.

The thing is, no matter if it was never meant to be real, deliberately sowed, intended ultimately for harvest — it’s all the same, to Rei. He wants to keep it alive. He’s hopeful. Naive. Selfish.

For a single, impossible moment, he wonders whether this is what Arceus meant by bonds all along.

The knot goes in his satchel, where it will turn dry and brittle with time. But kept safe, unbroken, regardless. Maybe his future self will laugh at his sentimentality. Maybe, he won't remember why it’s there.

Wouldn't that be for the best?

He tucks Decidueye’s ball away, with care, then hauls himself up, both hands braced against the dusty ground. There’s dirt under his fingernails. From under the tree’s darkened canopy, he squints into the afternoon sunlight.

There’s a lot that needs to be done. He needs to train for this tournament, for one. Learn more about modern battling. Pull together a team. With that, ask Akari, and perhaps Adaman or Irida. Confront Volo, somewhere in all of this.

After that? Only Arceus knows.

One step at a time.

He finds his footing, around gnarled roots. The grass crunches underfoot. And he steps into the light.

(So maybe I was just snared by the grass knots you laid in my path. But if I wove my own, would you fall for it too?)

#finally posted this thing! further rambles and commentary in the tags #trainer rei #rei pokemon #pokemas #pokemon masters #legends arceus #volo #champion lance #pokemon volo #pokemon fanfiction #rei #lance #// tikposting #// tikart #// fanfic #// tikwrites #backstrikeduo #i've been mulling it over a while since rei's canonical pokemas characterisation Intrigues me #not telling people about Volo is sort of an objectively not smart thing to do but it makes sense !!!#rei both wanting to be friends with volo again and also not really trusting others (but especially authority) that much #rei going through his “i can fix him” era (maybe he'll end up being right! who knows! arceus maybe)#they WILL be friends (again?). whether Volo likes it or not.#experimented with metaphors; hope they didn't get too abstract or confusing #also can't believe that bits of my lance and rei convo ended up echoed in the canon cynthia and rei convo #when Rei says that Volo genuinely loves history and myths…#that was in my draft! SMH Pokemas writers have been peeking into my Google Docs XDD #spot the references to PLA! some more obvious than others #gosh can you tell this guy lives in my head rent free XDDD #feel free to ramble to me about your thoughts on them and the way the story is developing in pokemas i'm all ears #behold also my sort of insane multi hour painting that i did for my fic that isn't even 5k words long

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latterdaydaisy · 2 months ago

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I don’t have the greatest testimony of the prophet as I should, not for any particular reason I just kind of forget he’s there.

But something I’ve been thinking about lately is this quote from President Nelson:

“Whatever questions or problems you have, the answer is always found in the life and teachings of Jesus Christ.“

One of my favourite verses in the scriptures is 3 Nephi 13:22 (which can also be found in Matthew 6:22) which reads:

“The light of the body is the eye; if, therefore, thine eye be single, thy whole body shall be full of light.”

I particularly appreciate the JST version of this verse which is:

“The light of the body is the eye; if therefore thine eye be single to the glory of God, thy whole body shall be full of light.”

I just really love the simplicity of what President Nelson and these scriptures have conveyed. It’s seen all throughout scripture, Jesus Christ is the light and all we have to do is look and keep our focus centered on Him. And everything else follows.

Now this may seem like some overly simplistic idea that’s easy to brush off. But hear me out. Why would it be hard? Sure, it feels hard. But Heavenly Father is not a God that wants to forbid us from returning to Him and having all He has in store for us. Isn’t that the whole point of Christ coming to earth and atoning for our sins? So He can redeem us?

So this is your reminder and my testimony that if you look to Christ in all things, at all times, and keep your focus centered on Him only- you will be filled with light. You can be changed, you can be healed, you can be forgiven, you can be redeemed. You can have joy. All you have to do is look. I know that, because when I stopped worrying about treating my faith like a checklist to avoid damnation and started just looking to Him- things got so much simpler, I became happier, and I started to make so much more progress. So be still, all is well. You know in whom you’ve trusted. Just look to Him, and continue to do so in all things, at all times, moment by moment, step by step. Jesus loves you, and I love you too. Take care 💛

#lds #mormon #mormonism #the church of jesus christ of latter day saints #queerstake #tumblrstake

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eyecan02 · 6 months ago

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Analysis: Why Alastor is Randy and Why I'm Not Being Completely Delulu About It

While we may not know how frequently/infrequently Alastor would sleep with someone, one thing we do know is that apparently (according to Viv's former coworker Faustisse) Alastor did not die a virgin.

So if he's not a virgin, that means he occasionally did have sex and that it's been 7 years since he's last been intimate with someone. Let's just say for example that Alastor had a routine of doing it once or twice with a woman every 3 months or so.

That would mean a routine he was used to was suddenly disrupted for 7 years so I think the story is beginning with Alastor in a period of wanting- that rare urge someone like him would get to have sex on his terms.

He was someone's prisoner for 7 years , and continues to be someone's slave even with his leash "loosened". He likely didn't get to talk/interact with a lot of people wherever he was. As he told Charlie in the first episode,"It's been some time since..." and does a little walking gesture with his claws.

Almost as if he's trying to say that he's sort of trying to "find his land legs again" while he reacclimates to his old home and interacting with people once more.

In the first episode, right off the bat we see see Alastor reacting to something sex related. He shadow summoned himself to Angel's side before Angel even mentioned Alastor when he suggested a porn as a commercial.

Alastor's reaction was replying with, "Ha! Never going to happen!" A lot of people assume this means Alastor is sex repulsed, but he's literally only known Angel a week at this point so I feel like it's the way most people would react to someone speaking so boldly to them.

People focus entirely too much on that line and don't pay attention to one very important detail of that scene. The shadow summoning part. It's interesting the way Alastor instantly teleports to Angel's side.

Why? Can he read minds? Does he automatically know when someone is thinking of having sex with him? Could it be maybe that he also has sex on the brain? Obviously not with Angel but just in general.

Another thing I haven't really seen a lot of people talk about is this one line from episode 2. After Sir Pentious returns a piece of Alastor's coat, Alastor says, "Oh, not many have been able to take even this much off of me."

Out of all the ways he could've phrased it, he chose to say it in a way that made the line sound on the verge of sexual. To me, it sounds like an Easter egg about Alastor's sexuality. As if they're trying to say that just because Al doesn't have many knotches on his bed post...it doesn't mean that there aren't any knotches.

In episode 3, we're shown that Alastor has two chairs in front of his fireplace- alluding that he does want company/is expecting a guest in his room at some point. Zestial's comment in this episode is interesting.

"Some had suggested that you'd fallen to...holy arms." The way it could also mean Alastor has FALLEN for someone "holy"/literally part angel because of her dad.

Then there's Zestial's other line, "There too have been rumors of thy involvement with the princess and her recent flight of fancy." Alastor's eyes are dilated at the mention of Charlie.

Alastor only appears in a flashback in episode 4, but I feel like this episode not only alludes/reflects what he's up to, it also serves to demonstrate Val as a direct foil for Alastor. We have to remember that Val only owns Angel half the time so when Angel is not in the studio, Angel gets to rebel and choose his own partners. Unlike Alastor who seemingly did not have freedom for 7 years.

I feel like Alastor is both fascinated and envious of Angel for having a certain degree of freedom so I feel like he tries to take a page out of Angel's book, and simply tries to "live" once in a while. Going back to my comment about believing episode 4 may subtly reflect what's going on whenever Alastor is absent.

I suspect that after an overlord meeting, he tries to go back to "familiar times" like drinking, dancing and occasionally sleeping with someone. I have an inkling that I'm not far off the mark because in episode 5, Alastor appears like he had a late morning/afternoon almost like if maybe he's coming up from a hangover/late night.

Like he just seemed so unaware that Luci was coming over the way he glares at the "Wellcum Daddy" banner like "Why wasn't I informed?" That's how out of it he was.

With Alastor being frustrated in ways more than one, especially due to his lack of freedom, it makes it worse when the most powerful being walks into Alastor's territory and immediately starts hugging Charlie in front of him.

The first time in the series we actually see Alastor touch Charlie (not including the pilot), he touches her shoulder, back and chin almost as if he's trying to "wipe off Luci's touch and scent" to replace it with his own. His claws are on her boob too when he first places his hand on her shouder.

Charlie's reaction to Alastor's hand on her shoulder is telling- it means that Alastor touching her up until that point was not a common everyday occurrence so I'm thinking that Alastor himself did not realize how much he liked Charlie until he started giving her compliments in front of her dad.

It started off as him trying to stake claim over Charlie/piss off Luci but every time he looked at Charlie as he praised her, his eyes were soft and full of sincerity. I think Alastor finally touching her onscreen opened the floodgates of his attraction to Charlie- literally can't stop touching her for the rest of the episode.

Then comes the scene where Alastor defends the hotel/devours the loan sharks, he says, "Oh, how I missed getting to let off steam!" While, yes, he misses the unbridled violence and chaos he used to cause, "letting off steam" does in some cases mean to let off frustration in a sexual way. For a character who is apparently not meant to be overtly sexual, he sure has quite a few innuendos in this first season.

In episode 7, Alastor is acting so comfortable on Charlie's bed. Why? Again, he's supposedly meant to be the least sexual character in the series. And yet he's rolling around on Charlie's bed (where she sleeps with Vaggie) like he owns it.

Notice he's even laying on Vaggie's side (trying to mark his scent to mask Vaggie's) and making "come and get it" poses on her bed. He only gets out of Charlie's bed/starts acting more seriously when she says, "I don't understand how you can enjoy everyone's suffering so much."

"Just because you see a smile, don't think you understand what's going on underneath." Alastor doesn't want Charlie to simply see him as a 2D villain. He actually cares what she thinks about him, and that's why he reveals that his smile is a power move that Charlie should use.

He both cares about her and desires her physically. Constantly grabbing Charlie's shoulders, touching her hair, pressing his face against hers. He's obsessed with her, and physically needs to be near her. That's probably why he didn't further try to take advantage of the situation.

At this point, Charlie was pretty much broken up with Vaggie so Alastor could've taken advantage of her vulnerability and given into his physical desires for her. The problem is as I mentioned, he cares about her and also serves a master so sleeping with Charlie would complicate matters.

If he ever wants to be free to desire or get what he wants in general, he'll need that deal with Charlie. Just the way Alastor looks at his hand after the deal is sealed between them(you can even see he briefly held Charlie's hand tighter for an instant before letting go), you can see how content he is almost as if he's half way to feeling the kind of satisfaction he wants.

The whole "good girl" scene seems to have subtext, especially because of Charlie's reaction to Alastor calling her a good girl and petting her. Why was she so shy all of a sudden? Alastor had just finished extorting a very vague deal from Charlie, and the aftermath is her being shy?

I have this theory that Charlie and Al didn't just make a deal- their minds melded together. This is shown when Charlie explained to Vaggie that angels can be killed, but when did Alastor tell her this? The two of them never once spoke during the entire making of the contract, which means Alastor fed Charlie the information telepathically. But did Charlie hear other kinds of thoughts from Alastor? Anything that would've had her reacting shyly to him only moments later? I'm betting on yes, yes she did.

Later in episode 7, we see Alastor link arms with Charlie and wearing a very serious expression when a male cannibal tries to greet them. Alastor did not so much as bat an eye at the "She's much too young for you" comment and just continues staring evenly at Charlie.

I love the look he gives her when he leans on Charlie's chair and says. "We're here on business of another kind." They look like a Queen with her advisor in this scene.

"She's filled with potential that I could guide." It's not just a physical desire he has for her or any order he's following from his master/manipulation. He wants her to reach her full potential with him at her side.

In episode 8, Alastor says this line. "You lack discipline, control and worst of all...you're sloppy." It's almost as if he's describing himself because these words seem like a foreshadowing for his defeat and also like a hint toward his sexuality- as in he doesn't want to be controlled by any desires he might have.

It's a paradox because while Alastor may not want to be ruled by love or desire, he's fascinated by it. This is noted during the "the last stand before the battle" party scene. "It's been a thrilling ride watching these wayward souls find connection." He doesn't seem to realize it but he's a romantic at heart, enjoying the development between Huskerdust and CherriSnake.

"One could almost get accustomed," he says as he stares directly at Charlie in a dreamy sort of way. This is probably one of the most sincere Alastor scenes we've seen so far.

During Alastor's finale song, he sings, "I'm hungry for freedom like never before." Like never before because he cares for and desires Charlie. This changes the game entirely and gives Alastor a stronger resolve to free himself.

He will still betray her and the Hazbin gang at some point. This is inevitable but love and lust complicate things for sure so it won't be as straightforward as Alastor laughing evilly while twirling his proverbial mustache. We'll be in for quite the ride that's for sure.

I love that that they hardly interacted in the season finale ep, and yet the animators were kind enough to feed us with the hug scene. For someone who hates touch, Alastor didn't seem to mind Charlie hugging him at all. I feel like Charie is his comfort person, and we'll get to see more of Al's obsessive love and lust for Charlie in season 2.

#charlastor #charlie x alastor #musicalshipping #radiobelle

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swan2swan · 3 months ago

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So, spoiler thoughts:

So, a good season. Pretty decent, but I'm a little worried that they blew everything by making Season 1 so good.

Definitely had some of the best scenes in the franchise, but the way Season 1 ramped up felt like it was a little...shallow of a splash on Season 2. 8/10 season, maybe a 7/10.

Arguably my least favorite season of the cartoon, and that includes Season 4 of Camp Cretaceous....okay, no, I think this was much better.

I felt like the Brooklynn Alone episode didn't quite match the power of the Ben Alone episode, and that was the first issue. But that also feels like an episode where they had to cut some stuff down with Brooklynn--in fact, there's almost half an episode missing, it felt like. Woulda loved to see her adjusting to public life with her limb difference, and the DLN. Woulda made thee moment where Soyona gently comments on her limb difference all the better.

Speaking of Soyona, I'm glad thy kept her just as much of a menace. I was worried at a few points, but in the end, it was clear that she had complete control the whole time. Probably knows that Brooklynn is spying on her, too....but she's letting it happen.

The episodes with the gang also didn't hit hard enough. It really felt like they waffled around too much with the whole "Kenji Wants to Kill Himself" plotline for too long, and then missed the window. That's indisputably my biggest issue with the seasons: I hate when shows forfeit the essentials of their episodic format and just keep kicking the ball down the road. Kenji risks his life. Yaz gasps. Kenji risks his life. Yaz gasps. Kenji risks his life. Yaz gasps. It's a disservice to BOTH when you don't get to the point and do it five times over.

Then there was Zayna--a delightful character, more than welcome, but I felt that we deserved more of an exploration of "Hey, we're taking on someone who was the same age we were when we were Traumatized. Let's keep the same from happening to her, okay?" And then they could have focused on that a little more than one throwaway gag from Darius.

There also wasn't a lot of introspection on the group, and Darius's infatuation with Brooklynn and Kenji's falling-out with her also seemed a little diluted...meant to be products of odd happenstance and Bad Timing, a Malevolent Coincidence, rather than stagnation and an inevitable reaction. Such is the consequence of a backstory, though.

HOWEVER...the scene in Soyona's apartment was among the best in the franchise. Tense and powerful, wonderfully acted and perfectly paced, it was only matched by Brooklynn's return later. Soyona and Brooklynn played off each other in a way that made them the most engaging part of the season--both a praise and a criticism (the second-best part was possibly Sammy and Zayna, though, again...if they'd gotten into the "Keep Her From Experiencing What Happened To Us" part, it mighta been better.

The Leucistic Baryonyx was a fine addition, but I do wish they'd had the budget to bring in another new dinosaur. Maybe a Megaraptor of some sort. It worked, and the HORROR aspect was definitely there, but...eh. The part where Red figured out "Oh, clicking noises make you happy?" was PHENOMENAL THOUGH??? I FORGOT THAT RAPTORS WERE SMART? I WAS WONDERING HOW THEY WERE COMMUNICATING AND THEN I REALIZED THAT IT WAS JUST RED FIGURING THINGS OUT?????????? BECAUSE SHE'S SMART?????

But also, this felt very much like the Quarry Season. A lot of stuff is happening, there's a nice big group of people, but it's very enclosed. You can even see it in the concept art: the village in Episode 2's credits, the tarmac in Episode 10, this world shoulda been bustling, but they could only afford so much. Less an indictment of the show and more of the budget given to them. Suchomimus coulda been chasing villagers instead of schlorping water, and there coulda been some guards on the tarmac surrounding Brooklynn for that final meeting.

I was very delighted when she went with Soyona, though. And when her PTSD got her in the WORST moment.

Anyway. Hoping next season takes it to a new level. This one had the spunk of Season 1, but it didn't have the reach. But maybe a rewatch will help (it won't, most of my criticisms are Set In Stone, I'm just Correct).

#jurassic world: chaos theory #chaos theory #chaos theory spoilers #jwct

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catcas22 · 2 years ago

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Fortissax is Fia Theory

Alright people, grab your red yarn and thumbtacks. I need to share this with someone, so you all get to read my deranged ramblings.

Real talk, I'd love to hear your thoughts on this.

Thesis:

Proposition 1) Fortissax was consort to Godwyn and the mother of the Golden Lineage.

Proposition 2) Fia is the human form of Fortissax.

Some of this theory will be (I believe) airtight, some of it will be based on circumstantial evidence, and some will be reasonably plausible headcanon that I feel would enhance the lore. Take it or leave it as you like.

The part that I maintain is airtight.

In-game, Fortissax’s gender is never confirmed. Any time pronouns are used to refer to Fortissax, the game uses it/its pronouns.

This could be deliberate obfuscation on the part of the game devs. Fortissax’s gender could have been part of a big reveal that ended up being cut from the final product.

It’s also possible that the ancient dragons are capable of changing their sex (ASOIAF dragons seem to work this way), or they simply don’t attach the same significance to sex/gender that humans do.

The Golden Lineage intermarried with dragons at some point in history.

Godrick’s dialogue: “Mighty Dragon, thou'rt a trueborn heir. Lend me thy strength, o kindred. Deliver me unto greater heights.” [Emphasis mine]

Godwyn was the exalted noble who Fia was attempting to resurrect when she first saw the guidance of Grace.

Fia’s dialogue: “After I received the warmth and lifely vigour from a number of champions, I lay with the remains of an exalted noble, to grant him another chance at life.”

Fia after killing D: “Finally, it is returned to its rightful place. The stolen hallowbrand of the exalted noble. And now, I must bid you goodbye as well. Though I ask you deliver this message to the Roundtable Hold. I am Fia, Deathbed Companion. Hark, Roundtable. Disturb not the Death of Godwyn, the exalted.” [Emphasis mine]

The word choice here seems too intentional to be coincidence. Fia first refers to an “exalted noble.” Later, she refers to Godwyn’s half of the curse mark as “the stolen hallowbrand of the exalted noble,” then goes on to refer to “Godwyn the Exalted” within a few sentences. Godwyn is the Exalted Noble, the Exalted Noble is Godwyn.

Slightly less airtight, but still strongly implied.

Fortissax and Godwyn were an item. This is already pretty widely accepted fanon, but I’ll lay out the evidence anyway.

Basically any time Fortissax is mentioned, it is in the context of their close bond with Godwyn. On it’s own, this wouldn’t mean much -- strong platonic bonds are a thing.

But we also established that Godwyn’s descendants are also descended from dragons. Out of the four named ancient dragons (the game never gives any indication that feral dragons can take human form), Fortissax is the most likely candidate.

Gransax is dead by the time the war against the dragons is over.

Placidusax is in (self-imposed?) exile in Farum Azula.

Lansseax is a possibility, but we know from the description of Vyke’s dragon bolt that “Of all the knights, Vyke the Dragonspear was the one Lansseax loved the most.” This does not entirely rule out the possibility of a political marriage between Lansseax and Godwyn, but it’s worth noting.

Although it’s not airtight, Fortissax being Godwyn’s consort makes the most sense. When you take their close bond and Godrick’s dragon heritage together, the game does seem to be implying a union between the two.

Lichdragon Fortissax is a shade.

We have plenty of in-game precedence for echoes of a person remaining behind to fight while the individual in question goes on to do other things. See Royal Knight Loretta in Caria Manor, Festering Fingerprint Vyke in the Church of Inhibition, and Godfrey’s Golden Shade in Leyndell.

We never see Fortissax manifest in the physical world, only ever showing up in the mindscape (Fia’s mindscape? Godwyn’s? Fortissax’s?) where we fight him.

Think about the sequence of events here. Fia is sleeping beside Godwyn. We touch her, which takes us directly to the Lichdragon’s boss arena. We kill Fortissax, and exit the dream to find that Fia has brought forth the Mending Rune of the Death Prince.

The slightly shaky but still supported stuff.

Fia is the human form of Fortissax -- this is the big one.

We encounter Lichdragon Fortissax in what is seems to be either Fia’s mindscape or a shared dream between Godwyn and Fia.

If we accept the premise that Fortissax is Godwyn’s consort, it is worth noting that Fia also seems to have prior history with Godwyn.

Fia clearly considers herself Godwyn’s consort. Consider the lines: “For I am the companion of Godwyn, Prince of Death. I wished to be a mother to Those Who Live in Death.” And, “I will soon lay with Godwyn. To conceive my child, the rune.”

Fia also refers to herself as the mother of those who live in death. This would align with her being the consort of Godwyn, the progenitor of those who live in death.

Pretty clear-cut. Of course it’s possible that Fia is delusional and pursuing the fantasy equivalent of a para-social relationship, but I tend to doubt that due to this line, spoken if you try to kill Fia: “Godwyn... Is that you, dear?”

I don’t care how delusional you are, you don’t cry for your celebrity crush in your dying moments. She knew him before the Night of the Black Knives.

Fia’s “I was awakened by the guidance of grace, and chased from my birthplace” line actually fits with what little we know of Fortissax.

From the descriptions of the Aspects of the Crucible incantations, we know that the Crucible was the primordial form of the Erdtree. This supports the theory that the Erdtree is simply the latest iteration of the World Tree, which goes through different phases with each new age.

Dragonlord Placidusax was the god of the age preceding Marika. “The Dragonlord whose seat lies at the heart of the storm beyond time is said to have been Elden Lord in the age before the Erdtree.”

It seems logical that the ancient dragons would have their capitol/home base around their version of the world tree, just as the demigods do in the current age. Fortissax likely would have been born in the area that would later become the city of Leyndell.

Nothing in Fia’s lore contradicts Fortissax’s lore. Fortissax was probably Godwyn’s consort. Fia is Godwyn’s consort. We fight Fortissax in Fia’s mindscape. Definitely not an airtight case, but if you put it all together I think it logically follows.

The “moving into headcanon territory” stuff.

Fia was in Stormveil at some point.

The sorcery Rancorcall is found in the basement of Stormveil. This sorcery is notably used by Sir Lionel, Fia’s adoptive father.

If all of the above is true, this makes a ton of sense. After being driven from Leyndell, Fia fled to the castle of her son/grandson/distant descendant Godrick.

This also explains the Godwyn face in the basement. What little remained of Godwyn sensed that his wife was in Stormveil and attempted to quite literally grow closer to her.

Fia probably has Godwyn’s Great Rune.

Certain people were allowed to possess Great Runes prior to the Shattering. Rennala received the Rune of the Unborn from Radagon before he returned to Marika. Morgott used his Rune to authenticate his identity as a descendent of Godfrey (see Morgott’s Great Rune description), implying that he had it with him throughout his exile in the Shunning Grounds. It is plausible that Godwyn was also permitted to carry a Great Rune prior to the Night of the Black Knives.

Based on the image we see of the NBK during the opening cinematic, it does not appear that Godwyn put up much of a fight. We don’t see a weapon, dead Black Knife Assassins, or signs of a struggle. The staging looks more like an execution than a battle. Most likely, Godwyn was dragged out of bed and repeatedly shanked in the back before he had time to react.

We know that Tiche died covering the group’s retreat, confirming that the Black Knives did not make a clean getaway. Someone must have raised the alarm. It is highly unlikely that they hung around long enough to loot Godwyn’s Great Rune (if he had one).

Putting all of that together, if Fia/Fortissax was Godwyn’s consort, she was probably present during the assassination. She probably held him as he bled out, allowing his Great Rune to pass into her possession. Could Godwyn’s Great Rune plus the Curse Mark create the Mending Rune of the Death Prince?

The shade Fia left behind takes the form of Lichdragon Fortissax because Fortissax could have saved Godwyn from the assassins.

While Fortissax was by all accounts quite formidable, Fia appears to be much less martially inclined. We never see her physically fight in-game. She uses Death Blight to kill D and uses a death sorcery (I think it’s Rancorcall?) as a last-ditch defense if you attack her after killing her champions, but she would not have had access to either of these prior to the NBK.

If she witnessed Godwyn’s murder, she would certainly be tormented by the knowledge that she could have saved him had she been in her draconic form. I propose that this is the origin of Lichdragon Fortissax -- it is the manifestation of Fia’s guilt for her inability to save Godwyn from death, now fighting to save him from a fate worse than death.

Putting it all together...

At some point following the war against the dragons, Fortissax wishes to settle down and start a family with Godwyn. To that end, the dragon takes the form of a human woman and takes the name Fia.

On the Night of the Black Knives, Fia witnesses Godwyn’s murder. She is with him in his final moments, allowing her to see that he isn’t quite as dead as he should be. Despite her objections, the powers-that-be of Leyndell insist that he is definitely 100% dead and lay him in state in preparation for an Erdtree burial.

Unwilling to accept Godwyn’s death and desperate to save him, Fia starts looking into death sorcery (probably under the priests of the Deathbirds -- see Death Ritual Spear description). She discovers a method that might allow her to resurrect him -- the rites of the Deathbed Companions.

Fia does her hug/life-drain thing with a number of champions, most likely members of the Dragon Cult. She then attempts to lie with Godwyn in order to complete the ritual. In an incredible display of poor timing, Marika chooses that precise moment to send out the call to the Tarnished.

Fia sees the guidance of Grace, she is caught with Godwyn’s body, and she is subsequently run out of Leyndell. Godwyn is buried at the foot of the Erdtree. Consciously or unconsciously, Fia leaves behind the Lichdragon shade in a last-ditch attempt to save Godwyn. For a time, she wanders the Lands Between alone, likely not doing very well in terms of sanity.

Eventually she encounters Sir Lionel who, being a decent guy, appoints himself her protector and offers to escort her to wherever she’s going. With his aid, she makes her way to Stormveil, where she convalesces for a time.

She eventually moves on to the Roundtable Hold, likely seeking access to more champions. Fia waits there, gathering life-energy and biding her time, until D arrives with his stolen half of the Curse Mark, at which point she enlists the aid of a helpful Tarnished to set her plan into motion.

So that's the Fia/Fortissax theory. What do you guys think?

Edit 1: I have been informed that Fia's defensive spell is actually Fia's Mist, not Rancorcall. My bad.

Edit 2: Showed this to my brother, and he had an interesting addition. What if Lichdragon Fortissax isn't just a shade, it's all the parts of Fia's psyche that make up Fortissax? Under this theory, she completely severs herself from her old life and gives up the ability to ever become a dragon again in an attempt to save Godwyn. Don't really have any evidence for it, but it's a cool interpretation.

Edit 3: Just a fun little coincidence. On one of the sword monuments, Forti is referred to by the title "Dread Fortissax." During the early stages of her assimilation into the Greek Pantheon, the queen of the underworld was often given the title "Dread Persephone." Probably doesn't mean anything, but I think it's neat.

#elden ring #elden ring theory #lichdragon fortissax #fia the deathbed companion #godwyn the golden #theory

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vertebrates-and-pieces · 2 years ago

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... Alright, because my Morgott fluff craving is still strong.

What's the best way(s) to comfort Morgott?

For bonus: How would he comfort his partner?

Morgott, despite his complex of unworthiness, is also a paradoxically prideful individual. This combination makes him tend to lash out at most attempts at comfort, especially at first.

All platitudes will be swiftly rebuffed

"I'm sorry you went through that," Will only earn a huff and a terse response.

"Spare me thy pity."

He's not being rude or obstinate on purpose, mind you, he is simply so used to being almost entirely self reliant that accepting comfort or help feels like an insult. Wretched he may be, but who are you to look down upon him?! He has accomplished so much with so little, and to accept help or comfort almost feels like relinquishing a part of him that makes him who he is. He is firmly of the opinion that doesn't need your kindness as much as he doesn't deserve it.

The best way to comfort him when he gets into this whole thought pattern is to abstract it if that makes any sense. Find an example that seems unrelated but one that he can understand. He will likely argue at first but later return and begrudgingly accept what you have to offer. It is best not to rub it in his face that you were right, but to instead thank him for returning, for allowing you to help.

The Erdtree needs no help to stand tall, but his place as its staunch protector still has merit and does not devalue it's majesty. To begrudge a tree for being unable to hold a sword is to misunderstand its nature. As much as it pains him to admit defeat, it is hard to argue against that which he already accepts as true.

Be it truths, kindness, or even his own nature, he will become better at accepting over time.

If he's at the point where he is willing to accept touch and physical gestures, tactile comfort actually helps him a great deal. He is starved for touch and companionship more than he'll ever admit, so though he might say otherwise, the hand of someone he trusts rubbing up and down his arm means a great deal to him. The weight of this person leaning against him is grounding, keeping him firmly in the here and now where he is cared for and not alone. If they were to massage the tense knots of muscles that he refuses to acknowledge, he may grumble, call it unnecessary, but he won't actually complain. And if he leans into it and sighs, who's to say.

When comforting him with words, address things that he's actually proud of first before going into complimenting things that he does not like about himself, it lends credibility to the statements. Reassure him of your care and devotion often, he needs to hear it.

He will reserve his provision of comfort for those he deems worthy of it, but once that requirement is met, he is quite the giver. He will be stiff and hesitant at first as the comfort of another person is not something he is used to providing, but he is very good at lending an ear, and can be shockingly gentle and perceptive. He will mentally catalog what works and what doesn't, he will watch and learn how to be attentive to their wants and needs. Despite his sharp and biting tongue, he is capable of such genuine and heartfelt words, I know it I just know it.

I think his default comfort go-to is protection and service. He will instinctively assume a defensive position around you, glaring at any perceived threats as he ushers you away to a safer, more secure location. Need some water? Done. Quiet? He can make it so. Need someone tracked down and killed? The Night's Cavalry are currently scouring the area. Wait, you don't need any of that? You just need to be held? ….fine…. He can oblige. He's relieved you asked because he really wanted to hold you but he has a fearsome reputation to uphold and don't you laugh at him, this is a tactical choice he's is NOT shy the nerve

You really know you've made it once you are able to affectionately tease each other about these things. When you are able to call him an old sap and kiss him on the cheek when his eye becomes watery over a fond memory and only receive a snarl that is just for show instead of any actual indignation, that's the surest proof you've reached max affinity.

#emmie answers #morgott #morgott x reader #Morgott x tarnished #big fan of tsundere old men on this blog

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suzannahnatters · 3 months ago

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I Re-Read Tolkien's "Lay of Leithian" For the First Time in Like 15 Years And It's Still My Favourite Poem In the Whole Wide World: Selected Ravings

CANTO I mostly scene setting, but it's so fun to get more worldbuilding details on Doriath. Also this poetry is just gorgeous

CANTO II thou shalt to the moonless mists of hell descend and seek thy Eilinel AUGH

A bunch of details are different in this early version (Gorlim seeking out the Enemy, and being taken to Morgoth not Sauron) but the one that gets me most is Gorlim sneaking away from the phantom without making himself known because he doesn't want her to be hurt T_T

LOTR Orcs are cockneys. Lay of Leithian Orcs have clearly been to university

CANTO III OH HERE'S WHY LUTHIEN HAS SLEEP MAGIC!!!!! Because her mother Melian was associated with Lorien in Valinor, the Vala of dreams and visions, who in Line 439 of the Lay Tolkien calls "the Lord of Sleep"

Okay this is amazing: There after but an hour, him seems, he finds her where she lies and dreams, pale Melian with her dark hair upon a bed of leaves. Beware! There slumber and a sleep is twined! He touched her tresses and his mind was drowned in the forgetful deep, and dark the years rolled o'er his sleep MESS WITH THE ENCHANTRESS AT YOUR PERIL

And now his heart was healed and slain With a new life and with new pain

They enchant each other T_T when he calls "Tinuviel!" there's magic in it

CANTO IV the deathless in his dying shared feels faintly redolent of the Gospel

CANTO V TEXTILE MAGIC Rapunzel joins the list of stories Tolkien looked at, sniffed, and said "I can do better"

CANTO VI We find out why Sauron (here, Thu) is called The Necromancer:

In glamoury that necromancer held his hosts of phantoms and of wandering ghosts, of misbegotten or spell-wronged monsters that about him thronged, working his bidding dark and vile: the werewolves of the Wizard's Isle.

CANTO VII I love SO MUCH the fact that in this version what gives them away to Sauron is the fact that they won't blaspheme the gods and declare Morgoth the king of all earthly kings

CANTO VIII I think it's super important to note that this begins with an absolutely gorgeous passage describing the Bestest Boi, and also there's this beautiful beautiful little Sir Orfeo reference that lives in my head rent free:

Hark! afar in Nargothrond, far over Sirion and beyond, there are dim cries and horns blowing, and barking hounds through the trees going.

Lúthien's meeting with Huan:

Huan alone that she ever met she never in enchantment set nor bound with spells. RIP to you Beren

CANTO IX this whole canto is unbeLIEVably epic, possibly my favourite in the whole Lay, but my favourite part is Sauron hearing the song from the bridge and saying

A! little Lúthien! What brought the foolish fly to web unsought? ee hee hee hee

CANTO X Tolkien just really wants you to know that these guys are Beyond It:

Thereafter never hound was whelped would follow horn of Celegorm or Curufin.

It's interesting that Tolkien at this stage had Beren telling Lúthien to stay in Doriath waiting for his return specifically because Sauron had informed him that Morgoth was keen to capture her. It's like he realised that with all of Lúthien's evident capabilities he needed to give Beren a convincing reason to leave her behind lol

CANTO XI Lúthien catching Beren in the middle of his dramatic farewell will never not crack me up but in this version she tells him off for not putting his trust in her might so weak and then when he asks where's the hound he left to guard her she tells him how much wiser and kinder Huan is than him at which point Beren demands to know why she doesn't just marry the dog

The description of them putting on the werewolf and vampire disguises, and their journey to the gates of Thangorodrim, is fanTAStically creepy and epic and also, I'm surprised to note, HIGHLY reminiscent of the hobbits' trek into Mordor.

CANTO XII this bit about how Carcharoth has not yet come

disastrous, ravening, from the gates of Angband

has STRONG Voluspa echoes -

Loud bays Garm before Gaping-Hel; the bond shall be broken, the Wolf run free

CANTO XIII I love these descriptions of Angband (even Morgoth has tree themed decor) and I love EVEN MORE the fact that when Lúthien flies into the hall a Dark Lord, all his Balrogs and a ton of werewolves suddenly feel the Valar walking over their graves -

A nameless doubt, a shapeless fear had entered in their caverns drear, and grew, and towered above them cowed, hearing in heart the trumpets loud of gods forgotten.

She stood revealed in hell. (chewing glass)

CANTO XIV (fragment) I am going to haunt Tolkien in the afterlife for leaving it off here.

#jrrt #jrr tolkien #beren and luthien #beren erchamion #luthien #lay of leithian #sauron #huan the hound #morgoth #the lay of leithian #the silmarillion'

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lillipad72 · 7 months ago

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The Annotated Anne of Green Gables ~~ a special rereading

CHAPTER IV ~~ Morning at Green Gables

hello everyone, i am back! i have actually been traveling this past month abroad and have not really had much ability to be on tumblr, but i have returned so expect more from me again!

"I think he's lovely...He is so very sympathetic. He didn't mind how much I talked -- he seemed to like it. I felt that he was a kindred spirit as soon as I ever saw him."

Anne's iconic recurring title of 'kindred spirit' for people she connects with on a deep level probably comes from a well-known poem by Thomas Gray, a very popular English poet, despite only publishing thirteen poems in his lifetime. The poem "Elegy in a Country Churchyard" was found in the Fifth Royal Reader, published in 1873, so it is likely Anne would have come across this term there, but this term is also located in The Story of an African Farm by Olive Schreiner, published in 1883, and Elizabeth Von Arnim's Elizabeth and Her German Garden, published in 1898. While it is not completely certain where L.M. Montgomery would have first heard this term, odds point to the Gray poem, and based on the timeline of Anne, it appears this would also be where Anne Shirley would have picked it up. That part of the poem goes as follows: "for thee, who mindful of the unhonored dead / Dost in these lines their artless tale relate, / If chance, by lonely contemplation led, / Some kindred spirits shall inquire thy fate," (Stanza 24, 11. 93-96). Gray's poem was partly inspired by the death of fellow poet Richard West and its themes include death and remembrance. This is an interesting place for Anne to pick up from, noting that she herself has experienced loss, most intimately in that of her parents. I wonder if she thinks of herself as her parents' kindred spirit who thinks about them after they passed, and she herself longs for someone who will remember her so deeply even when she has gone somewhere else.

"Oh, I like things to have handles even if they are only geraniums. It makes them seem more like people. How do you know but that it hurts a geranium's feelings just to be called a geranium and nothing else? You wouldn't like to be called nothing but a woman all the time. Yes, I shall call it Bonny. I named that cherry-tree outside my bedroom window this morning. I called it Snow Queen because it was so white."

This passage makes it abundantly clear that L.M. Montgomery inspired Anne from her own childhood experiences. This instance is taken almost exactly from her journal. On September 21, 1889, when she was thirteen years old, she wrote: "There wasn't any school, so I amused myself repotting all my geraniums. Dear things, how I love them! The 'mother' of them all is a matronly old geranium called 'Bonny.' I got Bonny ages ago -- it must be as much as two or three years ... I called it Bonny -- I like things to have handles even if they are only geraniums ... And it blooms as if it meant it. I believe that old geranium has a soul!" It seems that L.M. Montgomery went through her earlier journals and looked for examples of youthfulness that she could use to create Anne!

next chapter

#anne of green gables #aogg #anne shirley #anne with an e #awae #lm montgomery #thomas gray #kindred spirits #geraniums

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alicole-sideblog · 1 year ago

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Getting sexually exploited by Rhaenyra is very Lancelot of Criston

In The Knight of the Cart (the OG Guinevre/Lancelot story, for more background see here) the knights bring no camping equipment with them on their quest. Every night they find a host to stay with. (I have no idea whether this was a real custom of travelers in a time where sacred hospitality was big, or whether this is merely a literary trope.)

On the second night of his quest, Lancelot stays with a woman who offers to host him — if and only if he has sex with her. She (like most minor characters in this story) is not named, but I will call her Horny Hostess for clarity.

Horny Hostess: Sire, my house is prepared for you, if you will accept my hospitality, but you shall find shelter there only on condition that you will lie with me; upon these terms I propose and make the offer. Lancelot: Damsel, I thank you for the offer of your house, and esteem it highly, but, if you please, I should be very sorry to lie with you. Horny Hostess: By my eyes, then I retract my offer. Lancelot: *he, since it is unavoidable, lets her have her way, though his heart grieves to give consent*

So they have dinner together, then Lancelot goes for a walk. He comes back to find another knight holding Horny Hostess naked and pinned to the bed. She shouts to Lancelot for help. He fights the man off. Then more men charge into the room, and Lancelot is preparing to fight them all, many-on-one. Then Horny Hostess claps her hands and dismisses them. They're her knights, and this whole thing was a farce staged to test Lancelot's character.

So now it's time for Horny Hostess and Lancelot to have sex. The narration really stresses and lingers upon the point that Lancelot does not want to do this. He is super uncomfortable about this. But he's already said he'll do it, and he can't back out now because he's really into the "I gave my word" variety of honor.

The damsel lay down first, but without removing her chemise. He had great trouble in removing his hose and in untying the knots. He sweated with the trouble of it all; yet, in the midst of all the trouble, his promise impels and drives him on. Is this then an actual force? Yes, virtually so; for he feels that he is in duty bound to take his place by the damsel's side. It is his promise that urges him and dictates his act. So he lies down at once, but like her, he does not remove his shirt. He takes good care not to touch her; and when he is in bed, he turns away from her as far as possible, and speaks not a word to her, like a monk to whom speech is forbidden. Not once does he look at her, nor show her any courtesy.

Then he waxes poetic in his head for a while about how he's a monogamous simp for Guinevere and not interested in anyone else.

And then Horny Hostess changes her mind:

The maiden clearly sees and knows that he dislikes her company and would gladly dispense with it, and that, having no desire to win her love, he would not attempt to woo her. So she said: "My lord, if you will not feel hurt, I will leave and return to bed in my own room, and you will be more comfortable. I do not believe that you are pleased with my company and society. Do not esteem me less if I tell you what I think. Now take your rest all night, for you have so well kept your promise that I have no right to make further request of you. So I commend you to God; and shall go away." Thereupon she arises: the knight does not object, but rather gladly lets her go, like one who is the devoted lover of some one else;

How would this whole exchange have been understood by the original audience (1100s French nobles)? I have no idea, I'm no medievalist. Just to guess, based on stereotypes here — take this with a bunch of salt — I would assume that the faked situation (a woman physically forced by a man) would be considered rape. Horny Hostess uses the phrase "he will wrong me before thy eyes" to describe it. I assume the real situation (a man interpersonally forced by a woman) would not be considered such. I doubt they'd have any words for it at all.

So I find it interesting — and heartening! — that even without the criminalizing language of today, the idea that "strong-arming a reluctant person into sex is not something you should do" is still obvious and intuitive! This is not contingent upon a contemporary sexual ethics worldview. You can start from somewhere else and still arrive at the conclusion that people ought not treat each other that way.

In conclusion:

Lancelot and Criston become the targets of sexual exploitation by women whose favor they logistically need.

There's some parallel to be drawn between Horny Hostess's fake rape test-of-character for Lancelot, and Rhaenyra turning to Criston after Daemon ditches her. Lancelot and Criston are perceived by the women as safe and biddable. This makes them ripe for exploitation.

The endings diverge. Horny Hostess backs out at the last minute, and this is the soft, everything-works-out-in-the-end version. Rhaenyra actually does it, and this is the harsh, everything-just-gets-worse-and-worse version, because that's the vibe of Planetos.

#pro criston cole #arthurian mythos #lancelot the knight of the cart #the knight of the cart #arthurian alicole

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beatingdrumspouringwine · 1 year ago

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MFA Dionysos Photo Dump + Chat!

As was promised so many days ago, here's a photo dump from my trip to the MFA Boston last Thursday! The amount of stuff they have on Dionysos is actually incredible, and as I said in my initial post, I would really recommend visiting if you ever find yourself in New England/near Boston :)

Also, just a fair warning, this is going to be a pretty long post - prepare thy selves!

To start, I would like to let everyone know that they did put Dionysos on a coin, in case you were worried (coins aren't a big thing for me, but I thought this was kind of cool)

Next, we have this vase featuring Dionysos and two satyrs! I love the relaxed pose of Dionysos, who's holding a drinking horn in His hand

This vase here features Dionysos in a vineyard. I find it pretty interesting that He seems to be depicted with a beard more on the vases than on His statues, although that seems to be a maybe more common theme with all the Gods? Would love if someone knew why this happens!

Another interesting vase, this one depicting the worship of Dionysos. This is probably one of the reasons that I love art history so much - we can get a much more precise picture of what the past was like through the art than the writing, IMO. If ever I find myself either A. immensely rich or B. with a group of super talented friends, I would love to recreate this. I forget which festival this was, although my guess is Anthesteria.

Moving on to the statuary - this depicts Dionysos and a Maenad, in the act of sharing wine (specifically from the Maenad to Dionysos). Although the arm is broken off, the jug "hanging" from the Maenad's hip is a wine jug, which it seems is actually being prepared to be poured into Dionysos' drinking cup. This is definitely a scene I'm planning on keeping in mind for future ritual - the idea of giving to Dionysos as if He were standing in the room, holding His cup out for wine.

This is one of my favorites - a head of Dionysos (called Bacchus, because it's of Roman make). When you're there in person, His eyes are just about at eye level, and there's something incredibly powerful about looking almost directly into the eyes of your God. This is usually where I stop and do my prayers to Dionysos, since the statue gives such a feeling of connection!

This is a Roman sarcophagus depicting Dionysos' triumphal return from India. I feel like He gets a bit lost in the chaos, but the vibes on this coffin are immaculate! The chaos on the coffin is really fun, with Hercules is at the front, drunk after having lost to Dionysos in a drinking contest. This whole thing definitely fits the mythological timeline's vibes well, since, if I remember correctly, this is the starting point of His conquest that leads Him to the kingdom of Thebes in the Bacchae.

This ceiling painting by John Singer Sargeant is definitely a different depiction of Dionysos than how I see Him, but it's meant to be an homage to Dionysos as the God of the theater (I believe), and it definitely gives off those vibes. Also, the pose that He's making is really fitting!

This one's a bit blurry, my apologies! This depicts the moment that Dionysos finds Ariadne on the shores of Naxos, and just before He throws Her crown into the sky. I'm not the biggest fan of this particular style of painting, and as far as I can tell, there's no real reason for me to dislike it. But to give credit where credit is due, I feel like Dionysos finding Ariadne is a severely underrepresented theme in art, and I do appreciate the artist for actually making a piece on it. The story of the two of Them is probably one of my favorites, and I think about it at least once a day :)

Final one! This statue is actually a lot smaller than it looks, and a 17th or 18th century recarving of a different Roman work. This is Dionysos and Ariadne, originally a satyr and a maenad. I love how there seems to be a sense that They both see each other as equals - both in the similar position of the hands in front, the looks on Their faces, and also (not pictured here) Ariadne's hand on the back, which is resting pretty close to Dionysos' butt, in a playfully loving manner. Everything about this seems to speak to a relationship founded on love, equality, and ease. It definitely captures at least Dionysos' vibes - I haven't prayed to Ariadne much, but I feel that it must capture Her vibes as well :)

TL;DR: Art is cool, museums are cool, go while you're still a student and getting into places for free, and praise Dionysos (obviously)!

#dionysos #dionysian #dionysus #dionysos deity #dionysus deity #ariadne #ariadne deity #hellenic polytheism #hellenic polytheist #hellenic pagan #hellenic gods #hellenism #paganblr

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meracydia-miqo · 4 months ago

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FFXIVWrite 2024 - Day 22: visit (extra credit)

ahki speaks to urianger; referenced spoilers to arr bridge

———

Ahki turned the corner quietly, knocking on the wall twice gently to alert Urianger of her presence. Since their relocation to Mor Dhona, the Waking Sands spent much of the time silent, and empty, home to only Urianger and his collection of tomes.

“To whom do I owe the pleasure?” Urianger asked, without looking up from his tome, flipping over to the next page.

“…’Tis Ahki,” she answered quietly.

Urianger turned to look over at her, eyes hidden behind the shaded goggles he never seemed to remove. She could understand his preference. It was part of why she got along with him; their tendency to hide themselves, in some form or another. “Greetings, my lady,” he said. ”I had mind that thou wert with the Antecedent on this eve.”

I wanted to talk to you, she answered silently, but her mouth wouldn’t let her speak it aloud. She clicked the door shut behind her, before padding over to sit beside him at the table. The tomes were stacked high in front of her, acting almost like a wall to her much shorter frame.

“What didst thou wish to speak to me about?” He asked. He busied himself rearranging some of the piles of tomes on the table, affording her a better view of him, and the two of them both space in front of them. If they were to write more, she knew. It was one of the primary reasons she would visit him, even now as his lessons become fewer and farther between.

Ahki looked away, staring off at the wall for a moment, opening her mouth before speaking, slowly. “I…wished to write…” she trailed off, uncertain.

What am I meant to do?

When she thought much on the topic, she felt even more trapped than ever. Even after so many moons in Eorzea, multiple seasons come and gone, she still felt so alone. An other, in amongst all these people who knew who they were, where they’d come from, and had no reason to hide such a thing. With connections going back years, and friends and acquaintances to go to, and seek advice from.

To seek advice from when face to face with feelings she knew not how to name, nor how to respond to.

So she resorted to the only thing she did know.

She stared down at the smooth surface of the table, idly tracing her finger along the grain of the wood, when Urianger spoke up.

“Very well.”

She listened to him, ears pointed in the direction of the sound out of instinct, as he got up from his chair, walking over to another part of the room before returning to sit back down a few beats later. He slid an empty sheet of parchment onto the desk in front of her, but she didn’t move.

When she tried to think of what to say, or what to write, she came up empty. The simple fact of the matter was she merely wished to communicate better, but her extent of learning how to, was through her frequent writing lessons with Urianger. And practice.

Minfilia had been busy that evening with paperwork and making arrangements related to Scion work, with their increasing presence in the city-states and Eorzea’s affairs. It went a bit beyond what Tataru would typically handle for them herself, and so enlisted Minfilia’s assistance, leaving Ahki with the time free to herself. So she had elected to return to their former headquarters, and seek out the one who had taught her so much already. But even so, her mind wouldn’t stop wandering back to thoughts of her friend.

“Art thou thinking of Minfilia?”

Ahki flinched and looked up, Urianger’s voice cutting through the silence despite its soft, gentle edge. He didn’t usually refer to Minfilia by her name—he was much too formal for such a thing, and it hadn’t passed Ahki’s notice that around her, it was different. Like a silent, conscious effort to make her comfortable, or to ensure that she did not end up as distant as he himself may see himself as.

She avoided his gaze, instead focusing on the line of his hood, up covering his hair and ears as always, but nodded in an unspoken confirmation.

“Thy silence speaketh of thoughts clouded, blanketed in uncertainty.”

Alike to an overcast morn.

At some point, she was sure, she was overthinking it. It was merely the lack of busyness that had her fretting over exact details. Of how to interpret her own thoughts, when she caught them drifting to Minfilia in place of anything else. In place of her home, and her family.

But she didn’t wish to waste Urianger’s time. It had been on a whim she came here, of all places, with no real thought or reason behind it, merely the one place she could think to go. Where she knew she was welcome, as quiet and awkward as she was.

She remembered Thancred commenting once that she and Urianger were the same. Maybe that was why she could get along with him. Why it was to him, of all people, her feet would carry her when she felt weighed down. She did not seek an expert on the matter, merely…a friend or ally with whom she could trust. However much she was capable of such.

“I…know not wherefore,” Ahki spoke up at last, and it was Urianger’s turn to raise his head, staring off into the distance. She followed his gaze.

“Matters of the heart are ever difficult to discern, and harder still to put to the page,” Urianger said. His voice was quieter as he continued, seeming almost to shake. “…I knoweth not if mine own feelings wert ever understood, nor whereunto they wouldst have fallen had I spoken so much aloud.”

Ahki closed her eyes, dipping her head, and clutching at her sleeve tightly in the other hand. Moenbryda, she thought. Though she had not known the woman for long, she knew it was Urianger who was shaken the most by her passing. For a sennight he would not leave the Waking Sands, and for that time, Ahki couldn’t bring herself to disturb him. But she knew even now it must cut deep.

She’d already experienced the same, in some form. It would never not hang over her.

“I…apologies,” she said. For bringing up such a topic. I do not wish to cause you pain, she finished, though only to herself. To speak more than a word or two felt difficult even now.

But despite her worries, Urianger continued unabated, and Ahki peered back up at him. “I knoweth not what form thy feelings take, but know that I shalt ever be wishing for the continued happiness of thee and thine.”

She blinked, lifting her head fully, and felt some form of resolve, or relief, wash over her at his words. For as much as she worried, she felt no pressure to do or change anything, rather to simply accept it. That it was okay. That she could care a lot, and she wasn’t forsaking her family for thinking so much of another, so far away.

If anything, she should be happy to have found a home away from home, and people she could trust.

Ahki stood up, glancing down at the still-blank page before her, untouched despite what she had said earlier. “Thank you,” she said, giving Urianger a small smile, and she surprised herself at the confidence and proficiency at which she spoke.

Urianger stood up, offering her a deep bow as she turned to leave, satisfied. “Thou art ever welcome here.”

I will be sure to return.

#urianger speak is hard #ffxivwrite2024 #ffxivwrite #ffxiv #ahki

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