#it feels harder making friends not for anything any person here has ever done wrong. just the weird mental roadblocks I’ve got

[idsb]

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[concreteangel92]

Reuploaded!!

The original post wasn’t showing up in any of the tags, didn’t matter what I did so here we are again 🤣 sorry if it’s confusing anyone who had already liked it haha that one has now been deleted.

This one actually feels very personal for me, due to two abusive relationships, and my last one in particular, I’ve struggled to even have men near me in the last 3 years, let alone anything else, so this was very therapeutic for me to write so thank you haha and I hope you enjoy it 🖤

Noah Sebastian x female reader

18+

Warnings: smut, mention of abusive relationships and talks of trauma and PTSD but nothing graphic

The day had finally come, you’d married the love of your life and your soul mate.

The wedding had been perfect, you felt like a queen in your dress, all of your closest friends and family had been there to celebrate your day with you and nothing had gone wrong.

You were now in the bedroom of your shared apartment with Noah, however the butterflies you had in your stomach were now starting to feel like a heard of elephants stomping around.

You and Noah had been together a while now, but you’d never actually slept together. Most is fooled around and even that took time for you to feel comfortable enough to do it.

Unfortunately due to your past relationship which had been mentally and emotionally abusive, it had left you with too much trauma to be able to be physical with Noah, you just couldn’t allow someone to be that close to you anymore.

You felt so stupid most days, like it’s just Noah, you love him and he loves you, being with him should be something you jumped at but sadly every time you tried, you started to feel suffocated and claustrophobic and had to stop before you had a bad panic attack.

Noah fully knew your past and what this guy had done to you and was so understanding, he never pushed you to do anything, and when you did go slightly further then he always let you be in control, if you said stop then it stopped instantly.

You’d made the decision to wait until your wedding night to finally be fully intimate with him, something Noah was so respectful of.

And here you both were, still wearing your dress and suit and ready to spend the night together.

You’d be lying however if you said that you weren’t absolutely terrified, something Noah could clearly see.

“We don’t have to do anything tonight you know, if you’re not ready?”

You shook your head.

“No I am ready, I really want to…I’m just…scared”

Noah gave you a small smile and came and knelt down in front of you where you sat on the end of the bed and took your hands in his.

“Can you tell me what you’re frightened of?”

His voice was so gentle it made your heart swell. You took a moment to compose your thoughts.

“I guess it’s because, to be that close to someone again, means that it’s real…and then it hurts more when you’re gone”

“When I’m gone?”

You nodded slowly.

“Yeah it’s silly but after…him…I knew I could never go through that kind of heartache again…obviously at the time I saw my whole future with him and then it was ripped away from me and I…I just lost who I was completely after everything he did…until I met you. And I love you so much, I honestly do and I want to be with you so badly but yeah….I’m just scared that being intimate with you will make it harder if you suddenly didn’t want to be with me again”

Noah’s eyes softened and he raised your hands to give you a kiss on the back of it.

“I’m not going anywhere Y/N. You’re stuck with me now forever”

He showed his ring on his finger as he laughed lightly.

“You are the most beautiful, kind and funniest person I have ever met, you’re my best friend and I can’t wait for us to grow old together. If you want to wait then we will wait but if not, then I promise you are in complete control and we can go as slow or as fast as you want”

You smiled as you felt a couple tears fall from your eyes which Noah wiped away instantly.

“Can you…help me take off my dress?”

“Of course”

You stood up and turned around so Noah could unzip your dress from the back, you felt his fingers gently running along your skin as he went causing a small shiver to run up your spine.

Noah started to pull the dress away from your shoulders and you felt his lips ghosting over your skin as he did.

You felt your dress fall the floor and it pooled around your feet. Now although you were nervous, you had made sure you had a nice black lace underwear set on under your dress, just as a little surprise for Noah, so when you stepped out and then turned around, Noah’s eyes instantly went wide as he took in your appearance.

“Fuck me”

You giggled “isn’t that the point?”

Noah moved closer to you and lent down so he could press his lips onto yours.

“Do you want to get more comfortable on the bed?”

You nodded but started to help him slip his jacket and tie off. “Doesn’t feel right me being the only one half dressed”

Noah threw his jacket off to side and left his shirt unbuttoned so you could see all of the tattoos on his neck and chest, you smiled and slipped that off his shoulders before grabbing his hand and leading him to the side of the bed.

Once you were both comfortable, Noah lent in and started to kiss you. It was soft and gentle at first, no rush or sense of urgency, just simply enjoying the moment. You relaxed back onto the pillows and Noah settled down beside you, the warmth of his skin feeling comforting on yours and he slipped one hand behind you to cradle your neck while his other ran up and down your arm lightly.

The kiss soon started to become more passionate and Noah detached his lips from yours and started to kiss along your jaw and then onto your neck, your head moving to the side automatically for him.

Noah’s hand then played with the straps of the bra you were wearing as he kissed along your collarbones.

“Can I take this off?”

You whispered out the word yes and you arched your back up so Noah could reach round and undo the clasp and he pulled it away from your body.

You resisted the urge to bring your arms up and instead, kept one around his chest and the other lying on the sheets, your fingers tapping absently as you relaxed your muscles down.

Noah then lent down and flicked his tongue over one of your nipples before he sucked it into his mouth, his other hand coming up to help simulate your other breast. You could feel the ache forming into between your legs as Noah continued and switched his hand and mouth over.

You raised one of your knees up so your leg was bent and your hand ran through his soft hair which was tickling your skin.

Noah sensing that you were starting to need more, very slowly ran his fingers along your stomach and stopped when he reached your underwear, he lifted his head up so he could look into your eyes.

“May I?”

You nodded but Noah wanted more than that.

“I’ll need your words angel, I don’t want to misunderstand anything tonight”

You smiled and gave him your verbal consent, Noah sat back slightly and hooked his fingers into your underwear and he pulled them down and off your legs and discarded them next to the bed.

Seeing you all laid out and bare for him caused to stare at you as if you were the most beautiful sight he’d ever seen. His intense gaze definitely caused your cheeks to go warm and you felt your knees closing together, to which Noah placed his hands on them and stopped you from doing so.

“Please don’t hide from me, you’re so fucking beautiful Y/N, I can’t believe how lucky I am to have you”

“I’m definitely the lucky one”

Noah smiled and ran his fingers very slowly over your thighs but not going too close.

“Tell me what you want angel?”

The blush became even more prominent.

“Can you use your fingers and…eat me out please?”

Although you had done this with him before, this felt like the most intimate moment of your life, it was so different to anything you both had done before.

“I thought you’d never ask”

Noah settled himself in between your legs and placed soft kisses along your inner thigh while his other hand started to move up onto your hip.

You could feel your body becoming warmer as you moved your hips up to try and meet him.

Noah ran his tongue up your thigh once more and then he moved his head so he could then press his tongue onto your folds and licked your entrance slowly but firmly, causing you to let out a low moan of relief.

Your thighs started to close in slightly around Noah’s head as he continued to eat you out, it was passionate and it was almost like he wanted to saver every last second. That was the one thing about your husband, he loved making you feel amazing.

Noah moved his mouth up and you felt him run his fingers down until he slipped one in, the stretch of his fingers alone always felt amazing to you, you could only imagine what was coming.

“That feels really nice”

Noah hummed into your core as he found a steady rhythm with his hand while his continued to use his tongue on your clit, the pressure in your stomach was getting stronger, your body was starting to move on it’s on accord, your back arching off the bed and your hands held onto the back of his head and his hair, not being able to resist running your fingers through it.

But you knew you needed more, you wanted more.

“Noah…”

Noah instantly stopped what he was doing and lifted his head up, looking almost worried that he’d done something wrong.

“Are you ok? Do you want me to stop?”

You shook your head.

“No, I need you now please, I don’t want to wait anymore”

Noah gave you one last kiss and slipped his fingers out, the sound of how wet you were reaching your ears. Noah quickly took off the rest of his clothes and you saw how hard he’d become already.

Noah stayed between your legs and slide himself up so he was hovering over you, his chain swinging above your chest as he did.

You reached up one of your hands to his face and brought him down for a kiss while he lined himself up.

“Are you absolutely sure about this?”

You smiled and let out a small giggle before you responded with “yes I’m ready…so can you please fuck me now?”

Noah’s smile instantly hit his eyes as his head fell into your neck as he laughed.

“That I can do Mrs Davis”

Leaning down to kiss you again, you felt him start to push himself inside you. You felt an instant burn as he stretched you out, it had been a long time since you’d had anything bigger than his fingers inside but it felt wonderful.

You closed your eyes and groaned into his neck as you felt him slide in fully, Noah himself not being able to control his own moans.

“Oh my…you feel more incredible then I ever could have imagined”

Noah kept his arms caged around your head and shoulders and he started to move his hips, the feeling of being so full and turned on was almost too much.

The emotions you felt were borderline overwhelming, you felt so loved and safe and you knew that Noah had you.

You brought your legs up to wrap around his hips as he moved faster, a layer of sweat was forming over both your bodies and you tried to move you hips with him, starting to feel desperate for a release but at the same time, you never wanted this moment to end.

“Shit, it’s like you were made for me…you’re so fucking perfect” his praise caused you to clench around him more causing his hips to jolt slightly as he groaned into your neck.

“Do you like when I praise you baby? Because you’re doing so good for me right now, my perfect wife”

You felt the tears hot in the corners of your eyes, it was everything you dreamed of and more, you felt your high starting to build, your stomach muscles were becoming tense and you felt the need to try and move your hips against him.

“Noah…please…I need…”

Your words got lost in your throat as Noah thrusted his hips harder, he knew exactly what you needed.

“You want to cum for me angel?”

You gripped your hands onto his back, no doubt leaving nail marks in the process.

“Yes!”

Noah pulled his body away ever so slightly and reached his hand down to start rubbing hard, fast circles on your clit, not once breaking the movements of his hips slamming into yours.

“Come on angel, cum for me, I want to feel all of you”

You felt your stomach twist tightly until you felt a snap and your orgasm washed over you, your body shaking and arching up into Noah’s as your head fell back onto the pillow with a cry. Noah thrusted hard into you a few more times before you felt him empty himself inside you and his body weight came down onto yours.

You tried to catch your breath as Noah kept his face resting in the crook of your neck, his breath hot on your skin. Noah didn’t pull out and you kept your legs loosely hooked around his waist, not wanting to feel empty just yet, you needed him to stay.

Once he brought his head up, he stared into your eyes lovingly.

“Are you ok?”

You smiled a very content smile and nodded back, feeling another tear slide down your cheek.

“Yes, that was amazing, I felt so good. Thank you for waiting for me”

Noah brought his hand up to your face to gently caress your cheek and gave you a soft, tender kiss.

“I would wait forever for you angel”

[gay-dorito-dust]

Can you write something about Jason comforting the reader with the insecurities of stretch marks and fat? Please.

Sorry this took long for me to get to but it’s here finally! 🦦

Jason knew something was off the moment he noticed the absence of light within your eyes that he loved so much whenever you caught sight of yourself within the mirror, even if it was from the corner of your eyes it was still enough to sour your overall mood for the week. And it was because of this that Jason definitively decided that he needed to step in and help you out of the rut that you seemed to have gotten yourself in; seeing as how you never once hesitated to help him out of his own share of ruts- even the ones where he didn’t think himself deserving of being saved- Jason wanted to pay that kindness you’ve shone him forward and be there for you the way you’ve been there for him.

That and the fact that he doesn’t want his favourite person to have ever walked into his life to ever feel alone in their most trying times, especially when he knew damn well he could’ve done something to help solve the issue rather then stand at the sidelines and make it even worse.

So one day Jason found himself sat by your side on the bed after catching you looking at yourself dishearteningly through the mirror in shame, disappointment and disapproval one too many times. ‘What’s wrong sweetheart? Whose asses do I have to kick for making my baby upset hmm?’ Jason asked and you forced yourself to smile at his concern but didn’t think it was worth the hassle he’d be willing to put himself through for.

‘No one has said anything Jason, so there’ll be no ass you’ll be kicking I’m afraid, besides it’s stupid and I’ll get over it…or at least I thought I would by now.’ You directed the last part at yourself, muttering it under your breath, but all it did was raise Jason’s concern as he reached over and held your hand in his, tracing calming patterns into your skin with his thumb. ‘Come on angel,�� he softly encouraged, squeezing your hand, ‘there’s nothing that you coup ever say that would make me think of you any differently than I do now.’

You looked at him with tearful eyes that made him want to tear his heart out of his chest for how much it hurt him in seeing you in any sort of pain or distress. ‘Even with all my…fat and my stretch marks that I wish would go away every night when I’m constantly reminded on a daily basis that I’ll never be the vision of beauty? My my acne/acne scarring that I can never be rid of and are now a permanent extension of me?’ You asked, though the further you sent the more your vision blurred with your tears, making it harder for you to make out his expression, which didn’t help with your unsavoury thoughts that made you compare to yourself to the likes of your good friend Artemis; who told you on multiple occasions that Jason wasn’t a shallow man and that if he could, he’d choose you in every possible universe.

‘Yes.’ Jason replied seriously and without an ounce of hesitation. ‘Even with the things that you view as an insecurity because to me they’re what make you, well you.’ He then gets off the bed -hands still intertwined- as he knelt on his knees in front of you, smiling. ‘You’re still my y/n. My beautiful,’ he plants a kiss to your hand, ‘handsome,’ another kiss to the inside of your wrist, ‘gorgeous and ridiculous sweet y/n.’ He brings his barrage of kisses to an end by having the last two on your thighs where he knew you had stretch marks, looking up at you with kind and caring eyes that he only ever gives you and only you. ‘You only blessed me by giving me more of you to love up on and how could I resist such a beautiful blessing such as that?’

‘You mean that? Truly?’ You asked.

‘With my whole heart, I meant every word.’ Jason replied, now looking at you with complete and utter devotion to you, his deity.

‘I don’t disgust you? Not once?’ You asked again, still in denial that a man such as him existed.

‘I’d make constellations of your acne/scarring with my fingers if it brings you happiness.’ Jason began. ‘I’d memorise the way your plush and plump body cushions against me perfectly as though you were made to be in my arms and my arms only.’ He then let’s go of your hand to hold both of your thighs in his big, strong hands as he began to squeeze and stroke them at his own pace. ‘I’d kiss each and every one of your stretch marks while whispering my thanks to them for making you even more beautiful than I’d ever thought possible.’ He concludes, kissing your thighs once more in appreciation of your creation.

‘Jason…’ you were crying but for an entirely different reason as you watched on in fascination as he showed love towards the parts of yourself that you felt most embarrassed and ashamed about your entire life, Almost as though it came easy as breathing to him, like loving you was easy as breathing to him.

‘Yes sweetheart.’ He said against your thigh, pressing a loving kiss into it.

‘Thank you for loving me when I couldn’t love myself.’ You said, reaching your hands to hold his face in your hands as you sweetly kissed him on the lips and feeling him smile into the kiss and still feeling his hands kneading the flesh of your thighs but instead of feeling ashamed, you felt loved. You felt happy that you’ve got a man like Jason who was addicted to you and every inch of your body as though he’ll never get a chance to worship your body again.

‘No need to thank me sweetheart, I’d gladly love on you in this life and the next because if I’m certain that I’m made for one thing, it’s loving you unconditionally and wholeheartedly.’ Jason replied, pulling away. ‘Now how about we get some take out and just spend the evening here, just the two of us?’ You smiled and pecked his nose, laughing at the way he scrunched up his nose. ‘That sounds perfect Jay, but then again anything with you is perfect.’

‘So just like you then?’ Jason smirked at you and you decided to shut him up with another kiss on the lips, unable to stop the smile on your lips from growing as you enjoyed your little piece of heaven with him.

[ayyyez]

"Extra fandom options" she says, as if she means anything other than haikyuu 😂 Heheh of course you may do whatever you want always but you know what I'm here for, gotta be on brand.

SO if you have any thoughts of Tanaka and Ennoshita in a romantic relationship headcannons, either solo or in a poly relationship, I'd love to read them! Fluff and/or spicy, you know I'll happily read and gush over what you write. Thanks and you look good today!

Also first.

a/n: not these sitting in my inbox forever. But hey look I’ve finally gotten around to them bc I wanna think about hq while my sinuses hate me 😂 but im doing these first for you 🫡

Tags: relationship headcanons, fluff, kissing, spooning, confessing, poly (at the end)

Characters: Tanaka Ryuunosuke, Ennoshita Chikara (with x reader and poly [seperated])

Tanaka

God this guy is the most in love sap you would ever encounter but he’s so endearing.

After the whole ‘marry me’ Kiyoko situation he decides to hold back a little when he has a crush. But this is by Tanakas standards. His holding back is he very obviously has a crush on you but isn’t asking you out (or to marry you) right away.

Being near you and gestures are his go to. It’s canon. And how he reacts depends on how you are.

If you’re the type to go out of your way to talk to him then he’s like doki doki BEST DAY EVER! but also isn’t 10/10 intense every time you talk to him. He chills a little. BUT STILL DEDICATED TO YOU.

If you’re more naive or the shy type then just a small smile from you is enough to get him through the day. Very much oh boy they looked at me I’m the best wing spiker in the world.

To get into a relationship with him one of two things need to happen.

One: you gotta give him a sign that you are into him. Flirt-Tease him about his antics (particularly the taking shirt of woo) or just give him a compliment saying you’re into him. Give him smiles more than anyone else. Then he’s just ‘go out with me PLEASE.’

Two: ask him out. He will combust and Tanaka.exe will stop working for a moment. But then he’s like OKAY. (Doesn’t wanna fuck it up and over do it. It’s steered him wrong before)

Dating this guy means waking up the luckiest person ever. You are SPOILED with attention, gestures and affection.

Man is a personal heater. Big spoon, little spoon, doesn’t matter longs you be spooning.

A bit of a restless sleeper and sleep talker. It’s kinda funny the silly things he says. One time yelled ‘LEFFFFT’ in his sleep.

The only way to stop the wriggling is spooning him harder than you’ve spooned before. Still has a stray leg flicking every now and again but it’s better.

His first kiss has him sweating the details. Wants to make it perfect like in those manga he reads but overthinks it. He takes ages to do it if you want him to initiate.

Just kiss him honestly. The reaction is worth it. The reddest blush. Once again stops working.

Once he’s done it though his smooches are so good. Passionate boy starts soft then HES HUNGRY FOR MORE. Very intense. Kinda awkward with his tongue at first but he gets it.

He’s big on physical touch but it doesn’t have to be big. A hand held is gold to him. Cuddling is just something he lives for.

Cannot handle alcohol so you’re carrying (or organising others to) carry his ass home. Super sappy and happy drunk. ‘I love… youuuuuu’. A crier too. He just feels extra hard.

Get a couple into him though and he dances like no one’s watching. Actually not half bad until he starts stripping. Only you can stop him. He’s too obsessed with you to care about anything else he was doing.

Makeouts on the couch are BIG with him. Won’t take it further until you ask. Gotta be a gentleman. Yes even when his hands are squeezing your ass.

Ennoshita Chikara

The type to silently indulge in his crush every now and again while FIGHTING and PUSHING those feelings down.

At least, that’s how it is at first. He will be your friend first so he doesn’t want to compromise that. Just let’s pretend we don’t feel that for now shall we?

As if he could hold that back. It takes a while but it’s not long before something pushes him (he’s afraid of losing you) and he’s spilling his feelings.

He may be spilling but he’s seems like he’s confident with the monologue that comes out of his mouth. When he finishes his eyes are just wide and staring at your shoes. Evidently he was not so confident.

Grab one of this clenched fists. Pull his chin up to face you. Tell him you feel (maybe not in as many words as he did) the same way.

‘Are you sure!?’ ENNOSHITA PLEASE.

Honestly takes a while to accept it but once he does he is noticeably on top of the world.

Doesn’t announce it to the world but once people asks he’s smuggly like YEP WE ARE INDEED DATING peasants. Like damn Ennoshita.

A very caring and protective guy. Lets you do your thing while watching your back from the sidelines. Will punch people for you but won’t let that slip.

Very much a words of affirmation, tease and quality time dude.

Will go with the flow but will absolutely take charge.

His first kisses are those cute gesture ones. A kiss on the cheek, a peck on the lips or a smooch planted on the forehead.

You gotta grab this man by the cheeks and just plant one passionate kiss on him. That leaves him frozen for a second and then oop self control gone. MAKE OUT TIME.

More of an alone time physical touch guy but will break that when he’s particularly ehem into you. Or if some jerk thinks they can pick you up.

Plants one on you while maintaining eye contact with said jerk. Or places a very in your face arm around your shoulders.

Very much a big spoon guy. It just makes him feel protective. Also kind of like he’s leeching your hair warmth.

Pretty chill sleeper. Once he’s out he doesn’t move much. Sometimes you wake up facing him and he’s blowing air in your face (sleep breathing).

Kiss his nose and he’ll scrunch it in his sleep and let out a soft ‘mmm?’ But doesn’t wake up.

Tanaka and Ennoshita poly

You’re all in a relationship. Tanaka and Ennoshita included. Their crush on each other goes back a while they just never wanted to admit it.

You coming into their lives kind of makes it easier. Well eventually.

Once they realise they both have a crush on you both of them want to be the better man and let them have you. (Even if a small part inside them is screaming for the opposite).

It’s up to you to set them down and be like ‘nah uh I’ll have both’ and then also set them onto the path of realising they also like each other. It’s a very eventful week.

Ennoshita is still the big spoon. You’re the middle. Tanaka is either little or wrapped around you like a Koala. Depends on the day.

Ennoshita is the wrangler and kind of takes charge when he needs to. Tanaka is the passionate but also softy. It’s up to you whether you want to continuously go with the flow or take charge every now and again.

Just imagine sitting on the couch between them and taking turns making out. Start with Tanaka then come up for air and turn to Ennoshita. He’s a bit more intense when he’s second, handsy too. Then sit back and watch them kiss each other.

Every now and again you get home late and find them either cuddling or asleep in each others arms on the couch with some movie playing in the background.

Ennoshita brings his (grand) movie collection to the relationship. Tanaka brings his home gym. You tie it all together by hyping up both.

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for wanting healthy communication?

🎨💫 <- so I can find it

For context this is about one of my exes from 2022. It was an online relationship. At the time of this story I was 19 and they (🦜) were 18. This also involves their friend (🪐) who was also 18 at the time.

When me and 🦜 met, I was 17 and they were 16. I had just gotten out of a toxic relationship with someone who had been cheating on me with 🦜. Me and 🦜 bonded over the toxicity of that person, which is how we ended up getting closer. Trauma bonding isn’t healthy, I know.

Me and 🦜 started dating in January of 2022. I was in college at the time but I ended up dropping out and moving to another state. During this time, I asked 🦜 to communicate with me if I ever did or said anything wrong, as I’m autistic and often can’t tell. I thought that 🦜 also being autistic meant they would understand, but oh how wrong I was.

Our relationship lasted from January to October of 2022. In that time, me and 🦜 only ever had one conversation about something we were upset about. I’d often ask them if they were okay, if I was doing anything wrong, if there was anything I could improve on. Every time they answered saying they were fine.

Fast forward to October 2022. I woke up to a long DM from 🦜 telling me I had been abusing them and that they were blocking me. I didn’t know what they were talking about since I had no memory of ever doing anything they were claiming I did. Their friend 🪐 had also DMed me with pretty much the same thing as 🦜. I was left completely unaware and confused about what happened until October 2023, when 🦜 and 🪐 sent out a long document about me. In it were things I never remembered doing, things that aren’t even bad at all, and things I honest to God never even did. There were some screenshots but most of it was word-of-mouth “just trust me bro”. They had even included a message from me where I had said neither of them ever communicated anything with me other than the singular time.

I made my own document, including how I had several times asked to be communicated with, and how some of the things I was being accused of were in fact things that 🦜 had done to me and were now placing onto me. Of course this got thrown around as “victim blaming”. This all took place on bird app, so of course fork found in kitchen.

If it helps at all, I suffer from dissociative amnesia, which means I often lose or “forget” chunks of time ranging from a couple minutes to whole months and years. I lost my memory of most of 2022 which makes 🦜’s accusations a lot harder for me to believe and honestly, it feels like they’re gaslighting me. I’ve been told I’m lying about things I never lied about. They were extremely toxic to me, I admit I was toxic to them as well. My trauma has been looked over in favor of banishing me from the internet.

I hope this explained this well enough. I’m a little scared 🦜 will find this if I give any more details of the situation but I’ll try to answer any questions as best I can.

Thank you for listening. I’ll 100% accept if I’m the asshole here. I just need to know for my own sanity and so I can work on myself moving forward if I am actually the asshole.

What are these acronyms?

[manofmanymons]

Can i give you an excuse to talk more about takuma x kaito? They are just so precious to me. It's one of my favourite digimon pairing ever.

Beloved anon, you have opened the biggest can of worms I even have to open. You know not what you have unleashed. That being said, here’s what we’re gonna do. I’m gonna start with a couple small silly hc’s I have about them, then we’re gonna work our way up to the things I have entirely too much to say about.

Also please know that my genuine reaction to finishing this ask and getting ready to post this was:

The sillies

They get in “I insist” wars sometimes, by which I mean they both always want to be the one to do things for the other. “Likes to take care of people” bf x “self worth based largely on his usefulness” bf. The end result is them just sneakingly doing chores for each other. In Takuma’s case, I like to think it’s bc that’s how his mom shows affection, and he totally gets it from her. With Kaito, it would start out as a “feels like he has to earn Takuma’s love because he doesn’t think he deserves it” thing but eventually turn into a “just really likes making Takuma smile” thing.

They stare at each other a lot. Takuma always does it on accident and usually for one of two reasons. Reason #1: he just likes looking at Kaito. Call him sappy, but he thinks his bf is very handsome and he likes looking at him. Reason #2: he’s trying to gauge what kind of mood Kaito is in before approaching him and completely accidentally stares at him for way too long. At first it creeps Kaito out a little and he’ll ask “the hell’re you looking at me like that for?” Eventually, though, he gets used to it and will pretend he doesn’t notice. Kaito does it on purpose whenever he wants attention but is too embarrassed to ask for it. Literally just glares at Takuma until he notices.

I don’t see either of them as the jealous type, but I do see both of them as the overprotective type. Someone looks at Takuma wrong and Kaito already wants them dead. Takuma gets very defensive if anyone other than Miu or Dracmon insinuates that anything is wrong with Kaito and WILL argue about it.

They’re both the kinda boys to ask “can I kiss you?” change my mind.

Neither of them have ever really done this whole dating thing before. Takuma has had a few girlfriends, but in the very elementary/middle school sense of basically just being friends who hold hands sometimes and get teased by their friends at recess—never in the “I am actually in love with this person” way. Kaito 100% one of those kids who always thought romance was stupid and made fun of other people for caring about it. Probably thought he was so cool for it, too. He didn’t even know he was capable of having a crush until Takuma happened. He’s mildly distressed at first that apparently everyone Takuma has ever liked before him has been a soft spoken, cute girl, but he gets over it eventually.

My dog just sat down directly on my face and I can’t see shit why did I let him onto my bed with me oh my god get him off of me HELP.

There was a time where Takuma was afraid to hug or even really touch Kaito at all in public because he was worried Kaito would hate it. Now he knows he can get away with it and is a menace. #1 hobby: making the bf blush and pout at him.

Takuma texting Miu for advice about what Kaito likes vs. Kaito texting Minoru to ask what Takuma likes. Miu and Minoru hate this but go along with it because unfortunately they love those idiots and want them to be happy. Technically Minoru promised he wouldn’t tell any of their mutual friends about Kaito being a sappy dork, but he never said anything about not telling Kaito’s sister.

Long thoughts

I think I said it before, but now I’m going to elaborate. You know the whole "fell first/fell harder" thing? Well I think Takuma fell first (but didn’t notice) while Kaito fell harder. Takuma knowing Kaito for like five minutes and already deciding he really likes this boy for some reason. They get through part 3 and now he really *really* likes this boy, but he mostly chalks it up to "I'm just happy he's here bc it means we are not all dead." Of course he's gonna kinda admire someone like that and want to get to know them better. And if he starts finding him cute and purposely seeking him out when he's nervous, well, that's just guy stuff.

vs. Kaito who’s stuck with this weird dude who won't stop staring at him and asking too many invasive questions, but he tolerates it because he's gonna need help to protect Miu and also not die. Except the more time goes by, the more this weird dude keeps being really nice to him, which is perhaps the weirdest thing of all. And he even seems to genuinely care about Miu and okay that's new. THEN he starts acting like how Kaito feels about things actually matters, and it kinda feels like a trap, but it isn't. And okay, yeah, maybe having someone pay so much attention to him is Not Terrible. Maybe being honest with someone other than his partner (who kinda has to like him) without being afraid of how they'll react is also Not Terrible. Maybe it's a little confusing why being around someone he trusts would keep making him feel nauseous and like the room is on fire, but maybe, for some weird reason, that's Not Terrible either. Maybe all of those things are even...nice. And if he thinks that perhaps he'd do anything to get this weird, annoying, invasive boy home safely, well, it's not...NOT because he loves him.

ALSO said before but would like to elaborate: I just love the idea of Kaito getting along really well with Takuma’s mom. First adult to not treat him like he’s crazy for getting stressed out over completely reasonable things like “my 11 year old sister is out past sunset and not answering the phone.” It’s kind of a nightmare for Takuma because his mother LOVES to tell the most embarrassing stories about when he was a kid that he was planning on taking to the grave, but it’s also kind of wonderful that his favorite people like each other so much. Plus, if being a little embarrassed is the price he has to pay for hearing Kaito laugh, it’s worth it.

Takuma’s mom to me has big islander mom energy, like she would instantly decide that Kaito is her child now after knowing him for two seconds. One time when Takuma was like 4 he accidentally killed a goldfish and now his mother does not trust him to keep anything alive. That being said, if Kaito gets sick or injured, Takuma’s mom will insist on taking care of him bc she doesn’t think Takuma can do it lol.

They ALSO get in the “I insist” wars tho lol like Kaito will try to help with the dishes and she’ll be like “nonsense, I’m the host, you just make yourself at home” but then Kaito will counter with “if I was at home, I would do the dishes.” It’s a battle of sheer stubbornness that either of them will win on any given day.

…Takuma reading that people tend to look for partners that are similar to their parents and at first going “pff yeah right” but then seeing that happen and going “oh no.”

And for my last thing I could talk a lot about…I dunno if I’ve ever just talked about why I ship it.

First and foremost, and I just really love their friendship. I mean, yeah, like everyone else who’s played this game, of COURSE I noticed that Kaito is constantly blushing while talking to Takuma, but that’s not really why I like seeing them together. I like how quickly Takuma catches on to the fact that Kaito’s a lot nicer than he pretends to be. I like how he notices that Kaito is a perfectly calm and rational person when it comes to anything NOT involving Miu. I like how happy it makes Dracmon that someone understands his partner so well. I like that the correct dialogue option for Kaito is pretty much always just to be straightforward and honest with him. I feel like it sets up a really lovely dynamic between the two of them where Takuma knows he can always be honest with Kaito, and Kaito can trust Takuma enough to take what he says at face value. Especially love it in the scene where Takuma is nervous, and if you pick the option to hide it, Kaito will get annoyed at him for wasting time standing around talking; but if you pick the option to tell the truth, Kaito will soften up and try to help him. I like how patient Takuma is with Kaito and how he never snaps at him even when Kaito’s being a little unreasonable or isn’t articulating what he actually means very well. I like how, for all his trust issues, Kaito straight up tells Takuma that he thinks of him as the group’s leader and depends on him. I think Takuma’s comment that hearing that makes him happy is super cute. Kaito insisting Takuma is wrong when he’s accused of secretly wanting to protect everyone, not just Miu, in early game vs him finally admitting it to Takuma late in the game. They’re just so comfortable with each other in a way that I find very endearing. Especially knowing everything Kaito’s been through, it makes me so happy that there’s someone he trusts so much and who is genuinely unconditionally kind to him. They’re so supportive of each other, and I am fully willing to believe that they really do love each other as friends.

THEN getting into the shippy parts. Still not emotionally over Takuma literally thinking that Kaito is cute. Still never letting go of him purposely complimenting Kaito for no reason just to see him flustered. Never letting them live down talking about how good friends they are and then REVERSE no-homoing the moment by explicitly saying they DON’T think of each other like brothers. What the hell WAS that? WHAT THE HELL WAS UP WITH KAITO FREAKING TF OUT WHEN TAKUMA SAID HE WAS HAPPY THEY MET ONLY TO CALM DOWN AND THEN GENTLY SMILE AND SAY “I guess it ain’t so bad if you’re the one saying it…Maybe.” WHAT DID HE MEAN BY THAT? I KNOW WHAT YOU ARE. WHAT WAS UP WITH MIU’S REACTION TO KAITO STRAIGHT UP TRYNA TO MURDER TAKUMA THAT ONE TIME? GOING “AWWWW” AND SAYING IT LOOKS LIKE KAITO WANTS TO SPEND TIME WITH TAKUMA INSTEAD OF BEING LIKE “BRO CALM TF DOWN.” PERSON WHO KNOWS HIM BEST IN THE WORLD SAYING THEY GET ALONG WELL AND IT LOOKS LIKE LAKFDJADFKJA;DLKFJALDKJA. The way Takuma looks and sounds so excited to see Kaito again in part 3 is literally the reason I accused him of falling first like he did not have to be THAT happy. PLUS THAT TIME IN PART 4 WHERE HE STARES AT KAITO’S FACE FOR SO LONG THAT KAITO NOTICES LMAO? GAYASS. His stupid little ^_^ after Kaito gets embarrassed in that scene too jfc you are NOT beating the allegations, Takuma. And okay time to circle back around to the blushy thing. If it was JUST the occasional .////. I wouldn’t read too deep into it because he literally also makes that face when Dracmon and Miu are nice to him, so I think Kaito just legitimately doesn’t know how to respond to affection. But it is CONSTANT and ALSO I think it’s sus that Dracmon always points it out. Like his partner KNOWS he’s gay panicking and is purposely drawing attention to it as a way of getting Takuma to notice that “hey this loser REALLY likes you.” I mean seriously WHY else go out of the way to point it out every single time. Also the stuttering. Why are you, as a serious, no nonsense, tough guy, stuttering so much when a cute boy is nice to you? You thought we wouldn’t notice, but we did.

They're honestly the most disgustingly fluffy corny schoolgirl-with-a-crush type ship I've ever shipped. I hate them so much.

Just,,,gay boy in a small town where he can't be himself falling for a boy who is so very kind to him. Not expecting to ever be loved back bc people never like him, much less love him. Trying to hide his affection so he doesn't get hurt, but always wearing his heart on his sleeve no matter how much he tries to pretend he isn't. Somehow against all perceived odds actually in fact being loved back. Struggling to comprehend that someone not only loves him, not only wants him, but even enjoys taking care of him without expecting anything back.

Anyways here are some memes and cats that remind me of them:

[desultory-suggestions]

hello. i could really use some advice. i'm autistic and my last friend cut me off a while ago. i felt like she didn't like me anymore and she'd deny it when i asked but finally admitted it. that's not even the first time something like that has happened. i'm really lonely and i want friends so badly but i always end up getting ghosted and i've developed terrible social anxiety because of it. i've only ever received positive feedback from people, i've been told i'm kind, polite, and fun to talk to. i encourage communication and boundaries. but i still end up getting ghosted or cut off. i feel so worthless. i don't know how to cope with this loneliness when i want friends more than anything and also not how to feel like i'm worthless because i don't have friends.

thank you.

Hello, dear!

I'm so sorry to hear that you're going through this. Relationships can be so complex, and loneliness is one of the hardest things to navigate. In my experience, when a person receives positive feedback but loses friends repeatedly, it is an issue of compatibility, not behavior. It is hard to grapple with the fact that some people will not want to be our friends when we have done nothing wrong. We cannot convince these people to like us, and we should not change ourselves arbitrarily to fit their needs. If you are talkative, be talkative. If you are straightforward, be straightforward. Always strive to be kind in your actions, and accept responsibility when you are not. If you are doing all of this, anyone who doesn't stick around isn't meant to be in your life. While it feels impossible sometimes, we all have people who we will click with (and they will click with you!) Finding them can be hard, but giving up is harder in the long run. I recommend seeking out spaces that are aligned with your interests, being yourself, and accepting who reaches out to you. Don't waste time chasing down friends who don't put forth any effort, instead look for the spaces where someone will. Join local groups and attend community events. Online communities can be a good option too.

I am autistic, and so I understand there is an added layer of isolation when you struggle with the layers of social complexity and ableism. It has always been difficult for me to deal with the feeling that some people have secret social rules I violate, leading to them leaving me behind. I will be told it wasn't me, but nonetheless, I will feel punished for it. This feeling is not a sign that you need to change. While it is hard to work through, it is important to accept ourselves as we are and seek people who understand us. Neurodiverse inclusive or oriented spaces may offer relief. Who you are and what makes you happy are beautiful, and the goal is to find those who appreciate it not erase it. Do not give up on yourself. In the times where you do not have friends, focus your energy on exploring what makes you happiest. Go do things you reserve as "friend activities" by yourself, it's fun! Engage more deeply in hobbies and interests you've missed. Journal, explore and care for yourself. In time as you blossom in confidence you will be able to find joy no matter how your social connections shift throughout your life. You are enough all by yourself, and you do not need anyone to make you good.

Nonetheless, you will always have a friend here. Take tender care!

Evan

[bloody-bee-tea]

BeeTober 2023 Day 8 - Lost

Kaeya lays slumped over his desk, head buried in his arms, and he simply wills this day to be over. There is no reason for it to go on any longer than it already has, and there certainly isn’t any more reason to after Albedo smiled at him.

He gave him a real smile. Where the corners of his mouth actually moved. Kaeya has never seen that happen before; usually his face softens in a way that tells Kaeya he might smile, but then he never does.

Until today.

“Ugh,” Kaeya groans out into his own arms as he presses his head even further into them.

He can totally die happy now, he catches himself thinking and then groans even harder.

What is happening to him?

The door to his classroom slides open, causing Kaeya to still, because maybe, if he just pretends he isn’t here, no one will notice him.

That hope is futile, Kaeya realizes as soon as the person starts walking because that’s Albedo. And how fucked is Kaeya that he recognises him by his step alone?

“Fuck,” he whispers and tenses when he feels Albedo come to a stop at his desk.

“Kaeya, are you alright?” Albedo asks, poking his head and Kaeya plasters a smile on his face before he even lifts his head.

“I’m good, perfect even, why do you ask?”

“Because you were slumped over your desk like that? You’re not getting sick are you?” Albedo reaches out as if he wants to take Kaeya’s temperature and Kaeya shoots up so quickly his chair falls over.

“I’m not, perfectly alright, paragon of health, nothing to worry over, sorry, gotta dash, see you tomorrow, Bedo!” he rambles out and then flees the classroom before Albedo can get another word in.

He’ll have to explain himself tomorrow, he’s sure of that, but until then he probably has figure out what the fuck is wrong with him in the first place so Kaeya doesn’t give it too much thought until he makes it home.

It’s only when he’s face first in his pillow—questions from both his father and brother dodged like his life depends on it—that he replays the entire situation in his mind.

He had given Albedo a gift for his little sister Klee, because Albedo kept mentioning just how much Klee liked that one TV show and Kaeya just happened to come across a little figurine that he remembers Klee to like best so—anyone would have done the same, right?

Kaeya hadn’t given that any more thought than that—at least until he gave the tiny figurine to Albedo and he had looked so painfully surprised. That had gotten Kaeya to freeze with uncertainty—which never happened!—and then! And then he had smiled that real smile at him and something in Kaeya’s brain just short-circuited.

And Kaeya is not oblivious enough to fail to realize what that means.

“Fuck. I like him,” he mutters, and then promptly tries to suffocate himself with his pillow.

~*~*~

“You didn’t sleep well,” is how Albedo greets him the next morning and Kaeya gives him his best smile. He doesn’t even let him pretend.

“It happens. Did Klee like the figurine?”

“She loved it,” Albedo says, in that way of his that softens his features whenever he talks about his sister and Kaeya’s traitorous heart stutters in his chest.

“I’m glad,” he says, willing it to beat like it’s supposed to and then he tries to push every thought regarding Albedo and his feelings for him out of his mind.

They are friends. They are friends and nothing more and Albedo has his hands full with his sister and studies and club activities and certainly doesn’t think of Kaeya that way or has time for anything even resembling a relationship.

Kaeya is certain of that.

~*~*~

Albedo keeps touching him. Kaeya never realised this before but ever since his little revelation he just can’t stop noticing it.

He touches his arm in greeting, bumps against him when they walk, casually leans against him when they sit close to each other and there was one time he took Kaeya’s hand when Kaeya cut himself.

Kaeya thought he would die right on the spot when Albedo wouldn’t let go of him and instead dragged him off to the nurses office and even the nurse looked funny at him.

It’s just—Albedo is so free with his touches around him and Kaeya doesn’t know how to handle any of that.

He’s sure that Albedo doesn’t mean anything by it, so it’s unfair of Kaeya to read too much into it but he simply can’t stop himself.

If this goes on for much longer he’ll develop a heart issue and it will all be Albedo’s fault for being absolutely perfect.

~*~*~

“Help,” Kaeya says, letting himself into Jean’s room. He texted her beforehand so he trusts that she and Lisa are not up to stuff and he’s proven right when he sees them both expectantly waiting for him.

“Help with what, sweetie? Your message was awfully cryptic.”

Kaeya doesn’t think I’m dying and need advice is that cryptic but when even Jean nods he figures there must be something to what Lisa said.

“Swear to secrecy,” he says as he plops down on the ground, immediately reaching for the huge Gouba plush Jean keeps next to her bed and buries his head in it.

“We swear,” Jean and Lisa say at the same time after a short silence and Kaeya can just imagine the look they exchanged.

“I’m in love with Albedo,” he rushes out, thinking that it might be less worse if he just gets this over with but when he’s met with no reaction at all he picks himself out of the plush. “What? No reaction at all?”

Jean and Lisa exchange another look.

“Is that what you need help with?”

“What is that supposed to mean?”

“Sweetie, that’s kind of obvious,” Lisa carefully tells him. “So we were waiting for the real issue you need help with.”

“What do you mean kind of obvious?” Kaeya screeches out. “Obvious to whom?”

“Everyone?” Jean says with a wince. “I mean, everyone who cares to look or knows you?”

“Fuck me,” Kaeya breathes out. “Does Albedo know?” he then asks, his voice shaking with nerves.

It would be an answer, kind of, Kaeya thinks, if he knows about Kaeya’s feelings and hasn’t said anything about them.

“Probably not,” Lisa reassures him, or at least tries to. The ‘probably’ is not raising much hope. “He’s so preoccupied with all his school stuff and Klee, and he is kind of dense when it comes to feelings. It would surprise me if he knows.”

“Hey, what do you mean kind of dense?” Kaeya asks, affronted on Albedo’s behalf because Albedo is perfect.

“She just means that he’s not the best at picking up stuff like that. He still has a hard time figuring out that Sucrose absolutely looks up to him. He just thinks she’s nervous like that around everyone.”

“Oh,” Kaeya breathes out because that is right. It’s kind of a source of constant amusement to Kaeya because Sucrose is flailing so hard around Albedo because she wants to impress him with her work and he barely notices at all.

“So, I’d guess you’re safe in that regard,” Jean tells him and then shares yet again a look with Lisa.

Maybe Kaeya shouldn’t have come here today, after all. He hates it when these two gang up on him, but it’s not as if he has many other options. No one else from his friend group has successfully managed to get together with anyone, so it’s these two or no one.

“What do you actually need help with, though?” Lisa asks him, giving him a smile that makes a shudder run down Kaeya’s back.

“I guess I’m—lost,” he admits, and buries his face in the plushie again. “Do I tell him? Do I ignore it? What do I do?”

“What do you want to do?” Jean carefully asks and this is the question Kaeya is afraid of.

He wants to be together with Albedo of course. He wants to reach out for him, and hold his hand, and kiss him, spend all his time with him and see him whenever he likes, share everything with him. That’s not the part that’s scary, because Kaeya can see all of that perfectly.

The scary part is what comes before; where he confesses and possibly gets rejected and then also loses Albedo as his friend.

Kaeya is not sure he could stand that.

“I want him to stay by my side,” Kaeya mumbles and hears Lisa sigh. “Don’t be mean to me, I’m fragile.”

“You’re always fragile,” Lisa shoots back without regard for his ego and Kaeya l let’s out a pained groan. “Listen, sweetie,” she then says and she sounds serious enough that Kaeya takes his face out of the safety of Gouba again. “The fact that you’re here, asking us already means you know what you want to do because otherwise you would have just stayed quiet. You’re good at suffering by yourself when you think you have to, so clearly this is different.”

“You want to tell him,” Jean very helpfully adds and Kaeya doesn’t mention all the times he bit his tongue in the last week to stop himself from simply blurting it out.

“You’re not lost, sweetie, you’re scared.”

“So what?” Kaeya snaps and then immediately winces. “He’s my best friend. What do I do if—” he trails off, unable to even voice his fear of Albedo rejecting him.

“First of all, I don’t think he will reject you,” Jean says. “And second, even if that happened; do you think he would pull away from you? You’re basically his family, aren’t you?”

“What do you mean he won’t reject me?” Kaeya asks, completely frozen. “What do you mean, Jean?”

“Sweetie, he barely talks to anyone else at school. He never tells anyone about Klee. None of us have ever even seen her, yet you go on weekend trips with them. Plus I’ve never seen him touch anyone besides you. He always keeps a distance with everyone he talks to.”

“What? No, he always reaches out,” Kaeya argues, certain that Jean and Lisa must be mistaken but his breath is already coming faster in anticipation. “He does, right?”

“To you, yeah,” Jean agrees with a smile. “No one else though. So I’d say go for it.”

“You think?”

“Definitely,” Lisa nods.

It’s the most terrifying advice they could have given him, Kaeya thinks as he buries himself back in Gouba, but maybe they are right.

Maybe, just maybe, he is kind of special to Albedo too, and that must count for something, right?

~*~*~

Kaeya doesn’t know why it’s so important to him to come out to Crepus before he confesses to Albedo but it somehow is and that in some way makes all of this worse.

Worse enough that Crepus is waiting for him when he comes home from school two days later, clearly worried about something.

“Kaeya, do you have a moment?” he asks and Kaeya quickly checks if Diluc is home yet.

He’s not going to come out to both of them at once, there’s no way he can stomach that.

“Diluc’s not here yet. I thought—Kaeya, are you alright?”

“I am,” he says but even he can tell that it’s barely believable and he hates to see the was Crepus’ face falls. “Actually, I wanted to tell you something,” Kaeya quickly goes on and he feels bad to see the relief wash over Crepus.

He must have really worried him.

“Sure. What is it?”

“I—you know—there’s—” Kaeya stumbles over his words, not knowing how to come out with this at all and it doesn’t help when Crepus gives him a small smile.

“Don’t force yourself. It’s alright if you don’t want to say. As long as you’re okay, though. You’d tell me is something was seriously wrong, right?”

“I guess my teachers would call you about that, wouldn’t they?” Kaeya asks, stalling for time as he sorts through his words.

“I don’t mean school stuff, Kaeya,” Crepus softly says. “I mean if something is wrong here, at home.”

“No! No, dad, everything is fine!” Crepus visibly melts when Kaeya calls him that and Kaeya thinks he probably still doesn’t do it often enough. “It’s just, it’s a personal matter.”

“Something you want to share, though,” Crepus says and it’s not a question.

“it’s just hard,” Kaeya mutters and then steps forward until he can hide his face in Crepus’ shoulder.

He doesn’t ask for physical reassurance much, but Crepus doesn’t hesitate to hug him close. It makes it easier like this, not having to see his face.

“Don’t be mad, okay?” Kaeya still can’t help but to say because he has no clue how Crepus is going to react to this.

“As long as you’re not endangering yourself or others, I promise,” Crepus immediately gives back and Kaeya chuckles.

“Nothing that serious, dad. I just—there’s this boy I like,” he then rushes out and holds his breath for Crepus’ reaction.

“A boy, huh? What’s his name?”

“Albedo,” Kaeya says, tentatively relaxing because it doesn’t sound as if Crepus is mad.

“You confessed yet?”

Kaeya shakes his head. “Wanted to do this first,” he mutters and feels Crepus huff out a breath.

“A kiddo, you were worried, huh?”

“Very,” he admits and then pushes away from Crepus when he ruffles his head.

“Nothing to worry about, not in this household, Kaeya. As long as you’re happy it really doesn’t matter who you love. I don’t care, and you know Diluc won’t either, right?”

“I—well, he will tease me, though,” Kaeya breathes out, desperately trying not to cry and Crepus laughs.

“That he will do,” he agrees. “Now, come help me with dinner and tell me about Albedo. He’s the one with the little sister, right?”

“Klee, yeah,” Kaeya nods and follows him to the kitchen, almost shaking with relief.

He thinks if he managed this, telling Albedo might not be so bad after all.

~*~*~

Kaeya feels as if he’s going to die. He barely slept, he couldn’t eat and it feels as if his heart is going to jump out of his chest.

But he’s going to do it today, and no amount of revolting from his body is going to stop him.

He has to wait until break to tell Albedo though, and he barely retains anything that is being said in the classes before that.

“I took notes for you,” Lisa informs him as the gong for the break goes off and Kaeya manages a small smile for her before he is off, rushing over to Albedo’s classroom.

He catches Albedo right before he leaves for the school yard and he must make quite the sight because Albedo instantly seems worried.

“Kaeya, is everything alright?” Albedo asks and reaches out for Kaeya’s wrist, carefully putting his fingertips to his skin there. “You okay?”

Kaeya tries not to think too much when he moves his hand and catches Albedo’s fingers in his.

“Can we talk for a moment? Somewhere private?”

“Sure,” Albedo says with a frown but he doesn’t pull his hand away. “The lab should be empty right now.”

Kaeya nods and follows Albedo through the hallways, cursing every step they have to take because it feels way too far. They are still holding hands though and Kaeya clings to that more than he probably should.

He lets out a relieved breath when they finally make it to the lab and Albedo closes the door behind them.

“What’s going on? You’re not sick, are you, your face is all flushed,” Albedo says and reaches out to feel Kaeya’s forehead.

“I’m good, I’m fine, promise,” Kaeya rushes out and then takes a deep breath before he catches Albedo’s hand in his again, holding on tighter this time. “Albedo, listen, I have something to say, okay.”

“I’m listening.” There’s still a confused frown on Albedo’s face and Kaeya wants to kiss it away but he can only do that if Albedo reciprocates his feelings.

And to know that he has to say it first.

“Albedo, I like you. In the romantic way. I’m in love with you,” Kaeya rushes out and then snaps his mouth shut.

It feels good to finally have said it but now there’s this dread forming in his stomach because who knows what answer Albedo will give him.

Kaeya thinks he might have his answer when Albedo gives him that smile again, the one Kaeya has only ever seen once before and the dread is replaced with butterflies.

“I like you too, Kaeya,” Albedo tells him and then actually laughs out loud as he scratches the back of his head. “Thank you for being braver than I am. Klee was already getting mad at me because I hadn’t told you yet.”

“Really?” Kaeya asks and he feels weak with happiness.

“Really. You’re supposed to come for dinner now.”

“Ah, sorry petal, my dad called dibs. He said it’s unfair that Klee already knows me but he doesn’t know you.”

“Fair trade, I guess,” Albedo agrees and then steps closer, properly threading their fingers together.

Kaeya doesn’t know what’s too much right now, so he opts to press a kiss to Albedo’s brow before he pulls him into a hug. Albedo’s arm comes up around him almost immediately and he clings to him just as tightly as Kaeya does to him.

“I am really happy right now,” Kaeya breathes out with a chuckle and he feels Albedo nod.

“ I am, too.”

[csprslvt]

you and i, and her. pt.7

Chapter 6

Summary: Reader and Ellie bond, and reader meets up with Abby. Betrayal ensues

WARNINGS: Mentions of death, violence. Reader and Ellies dynamic is painfully awkward, shorter chapter. Ellie is def in love but doesn't know it, reader is weak for Abby and her words, Betrayal. A very short chapter I am so sorry! Longer chapter seven will be coming up to make up for it! Abby has comp het. Homophobia, the D slur, foul language

How exactly did she get here? Abby thought as Owen was kissing her, eyes wide open unmoving under his touch

It didn't feel right, none of it felt right, not unless it was y/n. His hands weren't gentle or soft like yours, they didn't know her body the way you did. They were not welcome.

Yet she stayed, why exactly she was unsure. Maybe she was just pathetic trying to move on from someone she had assumed died.

She should've looked for you, tried harder, done everything in her power to get to you. She missed you so much.

Owen pulled away, noticing her lack of interest in the kiss.

“What's wrong”

“Owen we can't keep doing this”

“What? Why?”

Now Abby was a blunt person so she did not hesitate to say.

“I don't love you”

“You don't have too we are just having fun”

“Well it's not fun anymore”

Owen looks at Abby with an annoyed expression

“Is this about your dyke ex?”

“The fuck did you just call her?”

“So it is about that bitch”

“Dont you fucking say that. you don't know her”

“I never got along with her, I don't understand how you were with her. She was a total cunt to me”

“Maybe you deserved it”

Owen rolls his eyes, Abby turns away, frustrated. Sure, Owen became an asshole when she left him for y/n but he would've never called y/n names like that if she was still with Abby.

“You're still in love with her.”

Abby met Owen's eyes, the look she gave him was enough of an answer.

Owen put his head in his hands, groaning.

“This was a mistake.” 

Owen gave her an empty stare, she turned facing away from him and he walked away.

—----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ellie and y/n didn't make it very far on the horse, Shimmer started to grow tired and needed rest as well as food and water. This was a blessing in disguise as going too far would make it difficult to meet up with Abby again. 

However, this was the one time in your life where the greatest emotion you experienced was ambivalence. You loved Abby, but she was so willing to sleep with her ex when you went missing. You could see by the way she reacted by the sight of you, that she loved you too, Owen was likely a distraction, but you knew the power you had over her. In your time together she had been emotionally closed off to basically anyone else but alone it was always

“y/n I missed you”

“y/n I got this for you, I hope you like it, it reminded me of you!”

“y/n don't you ever leave me, I love you”

You'd appear in a room and she was instantly weak in the knees, and you knew that. Anything you wanted or needed she would provide without you having to ask. She was your lover but she was also your best friend and the moments you had with her were your most cherished memories. So it made literally no sense, how could she have been with Owen? She never alluded to having any attraction to him after they had broken up. And so, you equated it to being absolute, unescapable desperation. 

She must've been desperate to have gotten with someone else.

At the same time, you questioned your sanity, did Abby have the right to move on since youd been missing for so long?

Hmmmm no, definitely not 

That is what the toxic part of you thought. She wasn't allowed to love someone else. And if she did, she would always be reminded of you as the best girl she's ever had. She certainly treated you like you were. You'd always treated her like she’d crafted the moon, the stars, the night sky just for you. 

“If she wanted to she would”  was always your mindset, the adoration always went both ways, The relationship you had was beautiful. But was it time to let it go? To mourn it?

“y/n? You okay? You seem kind of lost in thought” Ellie questioned from her place on the floor beside a resting Shimmer. 

“Yea I kinda am lost in thought”

Ellie adjusted herself so she was across from you, knees brushing against each other. Her expression was open as if to say “Talk to me, I’ll listen” 

“I'm having a hard time feeling… like I need to let some things go”

Ellie gave an awkward smile, “Oh I kind of hold onto grudges so I'm not the best with that but if you wanna talk I'll listen!”

“I just need to move on from the past, I guess. It's just difficult” You mumbled, fiddling with your necklace.

Ellie nods urging you to continue

“I really miss how my life used to be.” 

“Oh, I see” Ellie says, “What about it do you miss?”

“I miss the people, I miss the comfort of having a place of feeling like I belonged”

Ellie considers this for a moment before looking at you with the most genuine loving expression youd ever gotten from her

“You do belong, you belong with me.”

You flushed, did Ellie even realize the connotations of what she was saying? At your embarrassment she also turned bright red.

“Oh! Uhmm I meant like… you always have…., uhhhhh. Fuck” Ellie hides her face in her hands clearly humiliated by her own words,

An awkward silence.

“You always have a safe place with me, is what I meant”

Nice save Ellie!

“Thanks Els, that actually does make me feel better”’

“Good! I'm glad”

That night you didnt leave until you were sure Ellie was in a deep slumber, you then snuck off.

Abby waited inside the tower,heart pounding and sweating. Nervous as ever. She’d kicked everyone out, only wanting to be alone with you.

When you made it up she snapped all her attention to you, a gas lamp lighting up the room.

“You came”

“Yea, kind of had too” You sat down next to her on her sleeping bag.

She watched you, every breath you took, every movement you gave and every part of you could see with the dim lighting of the lamp she took in.

“I missed you”

You didn't say anything, she tried again to start a conversation

“Where were you?”

“I've been staying in a town named Jackson. With a friend”

“Oh”

“Yea” The air was tense.

“Why… Why didn't you look for me? I would’ve looked for you, fuck, I was looking for you”

“I tried but Owen was pissy and-”

“Oh don't give me that bullshit, if you loved me you wouldn't have let anyone stop you”

That one hit deep, Abby loved you, she adored you, she needed you and she felt horrible for not looking hard enough, for trying to replace you with Owen when he could never amount to you.

“I didn't know if you were alive, and if you weren't, I couldn't handle the thought of finding you lifeless or worse.”

“You were scared”

“Terrified… y/n I cant, I can't handle losing you again” She spoke with a shake in her tone matching the trembling of her hands.

“I tried being with Owen to move on but I can't, I love you, I never stopped loving you”

Abby was looking at you now, searching for a reaction

“I just wanted to forget how much I missed you but I couldn't, not when nothing felt right or natural the way It did with you. Every time he touched me It wasn't the same, and it could never be the same because you are the only one I've ever wanted, ever needed, ever yearned for. And I'm sorry I didn't look harder, I should've crossed any limit to find you. I regret it more than anything. I just want my girl back by my side again” 

Finally you broke, tears of last night clouding your vision, Abby pulled you into her seeing your face drop and you allowed yourself to lean on her.

“So you don't love him?”

“I could never love him the way I've loved you all these years, and a few months a part could never change how deeply I feel for you”

“ I love you too, I missed you so much Abby '' Sobs wracked through your body, and she held you tighter than ever as if you'd disappear if she let go. 

“I really hope you can forgive me, I will spend the rest of my days trying to make it up to you y/n”

“Abby you can't go back home”

“What?” Abby turned to you with a lost expression, wondering about the sudden change in conversation.

“You can't go back to seattle.”

“What are you talking about?”

“The man you killed, Joel, there was a girl there she watched it happen right? The guy who killed your father”

“Yes but what about it?”

“She is going to kill you.”

Notes: So sorry about the short chapter. I update daily and a better one should be out soon! Thanks for reading <333333.

[hexagonalhavoc]

Romantic with Sado, please! Reader is a another game character, weak, silent, He/Him. Not Angst

Jailbreak 

Sado x Reader

     You never thought you would be in the npc detention center. You didn’t even know what you did wrong. Your memories are nothing but a blur, every time you get a snippet of the past you’re greeted with more questions than answers. You can’t even remember the game you came from. You were wearing some sort of circus outfit but that didn’t help to ease your confusion. Everyone else could remember what game they came from so why couldn’t you? 

You hated it here. All you could do was sit around in your cell and listen to your cellmates talk. It gave you such a headache to hear them all talk at once, screaming and banging on the blue force fields that kept them within their cells. 

It wasn’t unusual to see Irving roaming the halls and acting as a warden. You doubted anyone could leave this place and he made it very clear what would happen if they tried but he still patrolled regularly to make sure no one was planning to cause trouble. He walked with one hand behind his back and the other on his earpiece. The most entertainment you got was listening to him talk to people over the earpiece and even that was boring. 

“Yes I got her. There should be no evidence left that Dosa’s game ever existed.” A game being deleted? You lean closer and press your ear up to the front of your cell. Maybe you can’t remember your game because it was deleted. Irving starts to walk away from your area and it’s harder to hear what he’s saying. You can make out very few words.

“Game breaking…npc hostage…lured…” 

He starts walking your way so you move away and keep your head down. He doesn’t even seem to know you were there, you wonder if he would even care if you’re listening or not. “So keep an eye on her, she’s smarter than she looks. Once we’re sure that she is secured with no chance of escape we can get rid of him, there’s no point in keeping him here.” Irving slams his fist against your cell, causing you to flinch back. There was no reason for him to do that other than to mess with you. This wasn’t the first time he’s done something like this and he only seems to do it to you. 

Someone else is being detained here? But where? You don’t see any new faces. Whoever “she” is, she must be at the very end of the hallways in the cell that has the most security. This new prisoner must have done something really bad. 

And who was Irving talking about? Whoever was the topic of conversation was unlucky as your wannabe warden made it very clear that they wouldn’t be alive for very long. You shuddered at the thought of that. No one that had been locked up had deserved to die. Being a video game character was hard, if you do even one thing out of script you’ll be punished harshly. 

He’s no longer talking but he’s still patrolling. You’re starting to get irritated by the sound his tacky dress shoes made against the sleek floors. You wonder if he has some sort of personal vendetta against you because he’s right in front of your cell again. 

“I bet you feel pretty small in there.” Does he just like picking on you in particular? He ignores everyone else. It’s not like you’ve done anything to him, you haven’t uttered a single word to him. “You want out, right? I bet if you ask your friend for help she’ll let you out.” You lift your head up to look at him. Your friend? You have no clue who he’s talking about. You can hardly remember who you are let alone any people you might have known in the past. If you were braver you would have questioned his words but you just lowered your head down again, assuming that he was just trying to get to your head. 

In reality, he was trying to get into Sado’s head. With how powerful she is he’s unsure if she’s capable of freeing herself from her shackles. Normally you don’t try to provoke a powerful force like her but Irving has a sizable ego which makes him think he’s untouchable. 

He knows that you don’t remember Sado but Sado remembers you. And you ended up being the perfect bait to catch a normally allusive entity like she was. Who would have guessed that her kryptonite would be such a person like yourself? There’s no disturbance on her end so maybe she really can’t escape her confinements. Irving can’t spend his whole day tormenting you so he takes his leave. 

Everything has quieted down for now and so you sit in your cell, your finger drawing invisible patterns on the ground out of sheer boredom. 

The sound of electricity crackling fills your ears. That wasn’t a sound you were familiar with. Then you hear the commotion of your fellow npc’s as a dark void draws near, ready to consume everything in its wake. You defensively curl up into a ball in the corner of your cell. You close your eyes with your hands on each side of your head. Is this really it? Are you meant to spend your last moments in confusion? 

Click! Click! Click! 

That’s a familiar sound to you, the sound of someone’s shoes against the hard floors. It doesn’t sound as heavy as Irving’s footsteps. Slowly, you lift your head up. There’s darkness right outside your cell but it doesn’t dare enter. The voices of the others are gone. Your cell door opens but the darkness doesn’t spill in. 

You stand up and go the very edge of your cell. You’re afraid but there’s no point in keeping yourself cooped up in there. This may be your chance to escape. You have to hype yourself up but you stick your hand out of your cell and into the darkness just to see what happens. The void rips itself apart to make way for your hand. You shakily inhale and step out completely. It’s like an invisible force field prevents the darkness from swallowing you up like it did all the others but why? What’s so special about you? 

The darkness continues to split itself down the middle until you can see a figure down the hallway. This dark clothed silhouette walks over to you slowly, as if savoring each step of her introduction. Naturally, you should feel afraid of a stranger in the darkness approaching you with such a cheshire grin but you don’t. Something in your heart is telling you that everything is going to be okay. You almost feel nostalgic in the strangest way. 

Now she’s right in front of you. She’s so close but you don’t feel the need to shy away like you do with other people. Her smile is uncanny and her eyes are unblinking but you feel safe right now. 

“You don’t remember me?” 

You’ve never been much of a talker. The only thing you can do is nod. 

“That’s a pity.” She takes another step towards you. You’re so close that if she takes another step you’ll be touching. “And yet…you didn’t run away. You know you’re important to me, don’t you?” 

You nod once more. How can her words mean nothing but everything at the same time? 

She tilts her head to the side. A pale hand slowly goes to your face as if she’s trying not to startle you. Black fingernails gently graze your cheek but you hardly feel them. Is this the one Irving was talking about? The one that was such a threat she was locked away with maximum security? But she seems so gentle. 

“I’m not too worried about it. I’ll get us out of here and we can work on jogging your memories together. I wouldn’t mind falling in love with you all over again.” Her expression is still the same but her eyes look glossy and you can’t if it’s because she’s happy or sad. Her voice doesn’t much inflection in it. 

It feels like there’s a hand pressing on your chest and it makes your eyes water. You’ve never heard such words before. You never thought someone could look at you so tenderly. You slowly reach your hand out to hers but then the whole building shakes. You would have fallen over if not for the hands that steady you. 

“Well would you look at that, they finally showed up. They’re behind schedule.” Before you can question her she turns to face you. “You have two choices. You can let the space marines save you or you can come with me. We’ll see each other again no matter what you choose.” Sado was going to wait for one of them to free her but they had came too late. All she had to do was lead one of them to the Hex Artifact. Unfortunately she couldn’t complete the ritual on her own. If she wanted to get you both to the real world she would have to let them take the artifact. 

You grab Sado’s hand, making your choice clear. Her hand tightens around yours. “You made a good choice. Stay close to me, we won’t part ever again.”

[aronarchy]

(@/eviltothecore13 on 10/10/22 in the replies of this post):

Please, please, stop saying “the homeschooling movement” as if there’s one homeschooling movement across the whole world! this post is so US-centric… there are parts of the world where the majority of homeschoolers are not religious at all. I was homeschooled in the UK after my parents took me out of school because of the abuse I suffered there. We are not Christian or religious at all.

My best friend at my homeschool group was Jewish, taken out of school by his very left-wing mother after he experienced horrific antisemitism as well as bullying for being autistic. Most of the rest of us were not particularly religious, there were a couple of Muslims, and yes a handful of people who were to some extent Christian but that wasn’t their motivation for homeschooling. My parents never hit me. My teachers at school thought they should have done.

Was it ideal? not in every way, no. It costs money, it’s not accessible to poorer families or to families where both parents are out at work all day, and seeing different people every day at various groups and classes but never seeing any one person more regularly than once a week does make it harder to form close friendships (then again, it means you don’t end up inescapably trapped with the same bully every day.)

But we were a group of people who had tried the school system, public and private, been mistreated, been traumatised, had the schools try to blame it on us simply being “bad kids,” and found our parents were our only allies and the only people still willing to even TRY to give us an education. It was a rural county. If you got a bad reputation at one school it would follow you to the next because everyone knew each other and teachers gossiped about their students.

Whereas the homeschool group and the tutors there welcomed you whether you were autistic, ADHD, dyspraxic, dyslexic, dyscalculic, atheist, Jewish, Muslim, a POC, GNC (to my knowledge no-one was out as queer, but only because we were all young and figuring it out and we were in a homophobic area in general—the environment was certainly far less homophobic than school though, and definitely none of my friends who did go to school were out as queer at that age either)

It can be horrible. If the parents don’t have the child’s best interests at heart, if they’re authoritarian, then it can indeed put a terrible amount of power in their hands. If the parents are like mine, who listen to the child and respect them as a person, who consider it their JOB to listen to their child’s wishes and do their best to make them happy, then it gives far more power to the CHILD than the school system does.

If I disliked a tutor or a textbook or anything about my education, I could discuss it with my parents and we’d find a way to change it. It is MUCH harder to do that in the school system—believe me, as someone who tried to express my problems with teachers who abused me to the school system MULTIPLE times and NEVER got the school system to fire someone or even to put me in a different class.

And you say “the homeschooling movement” when you seem to only mean the American Christian one… I’d never heard of the HSLDA before this post, they’re NOT A THING over here, apparently they’re a “Christian organisation” which immediately makes me distrust them, but homeschooling here has NOTHING to do with that movement, please stop acting as if the American experience is universal!

I suffered infinitely more from the stigma around homeschooling (from other kids: “so, why can’t you go to school? is there something wrong with you? are you [r-slur]?” “oh you're homeschooled? I bet you don’t even know the alphabet, I bet you’re stupid”—I took the same GCSE exams as every schoolkid while I was homeschooled and got all A*s) and from feeling like I had to be perfect to prove that stigma wrong than from anything to do with homeschooling in itself.

If I ever have children (which I don’t currently plan to) or ever find myself in a position of responsibility for a child, unless our school system and government has been radically reformed, I could not in good conscience send them to school to go through what I did when I was at school.

And even if under one government things improve… the next could fuck it up again… we used to have Section 28 banning schools from teaching kids that being queer was at all acceptable… imagine if that was brought back…

If an oppressive government comes into power, and the schools are suddenly teaching kids “people like you [your families, your friends, etc] don’t deserve human rights,” I think there needs to be a way for children to still get an education outside of the school system (though let’s face it, an oppressive government would quite possibly make homeschooling illegal anyway, the Nazis did).

Children should not be faced with a situation where their ONLY way to get the qualifications needed to go to university, get a job, etc is to go through an oppressive and abusive school system. They need to have the choice of whether to go to school or not, not be forced to go somewhere that abuses them with no alternative.

.

[psychic-winged-turtle]

I wish that I could stop listening to logic. I wish that I, for one moment, could put down the part of me that thinks.

"I want to kiss you" she had said.

"It's not a good idea" I had said.

But I wanted to. I wanted to so badly in a way that I never had before. I try to be logical.

We're friends, and I don't want to take a risk that could compromise that.

My family wouldn't approve. My God wouldn't approve.

I never liked the idea of kissing anyway. It's gross. It's not clean. It'll probably taste bad.

I remember these things. I repeat them like a mantra. And yet I sit here craving her. Wishing that logic had not gotten in the way. Wishing that I could throw caution to the wind for just one moment, that I could act on my emotions.

My logic is not enough to stop them.

I'm afraid for our friendship, but it is so, so, strong. I have never had a reason to doubt it. I'm afraid of things changing, but would they? I love her as my friend and as so much more. My logic just doesn't seem sound anymore.

I know that my parents wouldn't approve. I know that my brother wouldn't approve. I know that my extended family has differing opinions on the whole issue. But I also know that they love me. They love me more than anything. More than any sin I could commit. And so does my God. But can I truly move forward and knowingly commit a sin? This is where I wish I could throw caution to the wind the most. I wish I had no clue what sin was. I wish, sometimes, that I had not grown so introspective. I wish I could move forward without guilt. I do not know for sure if homosexuality is a sin. There are many sources that say many different things and I don't know who to believe. What I am most afraid of is pulling her, the one I love, down the wrong path. It would be easier if I was only risking my own soul.

Cuddling, kissing, sex, and all that stuff associated with romance and sexuality is not something that I have ever really been interested in. I'm not a physical-touch person and I try to remind myself of that, and yet I crave her so badly. A fear I have developed is that I will die and we will have never even tried. I tell myself that that's a good thing. That it's better this way. That maybe even that is what God would want. But it makes me so sad. The idea that I could never touch her the way I want to. Never kiss her. It feels like grief. I feel like I'm grieving a relationship that I was never in.

I don't like living with regrets. I don't want to regret never trying. But I also don't want to regret doing something because it turned out badly.

I'm afraid that if we ever did move forward, I would never be able to move back. No matter what my family, God, or anyone else would have to say about it. I'm afraid of how much I love her.

I never say any of this out loud because I know she's more emotional than me and I don't want to make her feel more confused about us than she may already be, but I realized that I am doing her a disservice. I always ask her to talk to me so we can talk things through, but I have not done the same. I have done my best to bury my feelings in the hope that I could guide us both. I didn't want to make things harder on her. I suppose I didn't want to be a burden. What a hypocrite I am. I always say that she cannot burden me. That I want to hear everything. I'll never judge her for anything she says or thinks. And yet, I prevented her from having that same opportunity to support me.

I type this here because I don't think I could say it aloud. I know she'll see it.

I love you, S, and I'm sorry this is all so complicated.

[xjoonchildx]

Dearest Miss Ana,

Now that Kanalia has ended ( and I repeat, what a wonderful ending!) I have a few questions. A sort of follow-up if you will.

A) Does the Queen confide in Boram about her relationship with Lord Jung and their baby? Does Yoongi know about his bestie’s extracurricular activities?

B) After the announcement of the Queen’s pregnancy how did King Namjoon and the unofficial Queen reacted?

C) Did our Queen ever write back to her sister? ( sorry I’m just very close to my sis and I want Queen to get along with hers 😭)

D) After the baby did anything changed in the relationship between their majesties?

Sorryyyy for the many questions but I am a woman that lives, breaths and gets motivated to exist by the ✨chisme✨ and I need the juicy details 😭😭

Also may I say this quickly, but from the moment that Yoongi went into the military and he had to break all contact I feel like I wasn’t able to keep up as much with the fandom.

I was expecting for there to be less of Yoongi but not in this degree and I feel like we were somehow thrown into the Anexo (a place where families send drug addicts to get clean but it’s brutal) .

I know it’s ridiculous to suffer so deeply the lack of someone that you don’t even personally know to this degree, but it hurt and I had to take a step back.

Reading the ending of Kanalia helped me reconnect with my love for BTS and Army, I may still be a bit away but you helped me remember the goods parts that I was missing.

Thank you Miss Ana ✨

sweet, sweet paloma 💕

honestly, what have i ever done to deserve you? if i am in any way connected to your rekindled love for BTS and ARMY, i'm forever humbled and grateful 💕 having you here to chat with and obsess about hoseok with has been a flipping blast.

so let's talk about your questions 😉

A) so ... the queen would not breathe a word about what's going on with another soul, not even boram. it's not so much that she doesn't trust boram (because i believe she's the kind of friend who would take a secret like that to the grave) but it's because sharing that kind of secret with boram would make the burden in some way hers, too.

that's a very heavy load to bear for even the queen and lord jung, so i can't imagine either would want to drag their innocent friends into it.

B) the king's reaction to the pregnancy announcement (even if he does have his suspicions) is generally positive. he certainly hasn't been able to produce an heir and he needs one! so he's going to slap that smile on and play the part.

privately, i'm sure he has some thoughts about it -- but he could be wrong, right? surely this is just in his head? 😉

C) yes, the queen absolutely writes back to her dear chaehee. she supports her sister in the marriage she's so happy for even if her mother thinks her new husband is below her station. and once the baby comes along, she invites chaehee and her husband to visit. at least now she actually has something beautiful of her own that she can share.

D) very little changes between the majesties after the arrival of the baby. they remain cordial and a bit distant, but at least now they both have a place they can go to in order to have connection and peace.

let's talk about missing yoongi because babe, i get it. i was watching his doc the other day and it really helped me understand why he needs this time away from the spotlight. he's an introvert who is far too talented to stay that way, but in the end he's got to retreat to his private space in order to stay sane.

i imagine that after this time in the military, he's going to come back with something brilliant like he always has -- and he's going to commit even harder to this dream of his. i know it's hard to wait, but man i can't wait to see it 💕

[dykelibraries]

sup its me jack welcome to my vent palace heres my motherfucking sityaaation trigger warning for maybe everything under the sun this is genuinely gravely serious but ill try not to go in depth w anything.

yah tldr here my awesome backstory dads a pedophile i cut him off a few years ago he did some narsty stuff and my mom knew and didnt dooo anything. and she says she hates him now but my brother still visits him and im not allowed to say anything. my dad also severellllyyyy neglected me (he had sole custody for a whilee)

uhh my mom keeps making Choices in men. her last boyfriend tried to kill us and my mom had me lie to the cops about it. her current boyfie is a racist and has referred to meee and my brother and family with slurful wordage maybe a couple times. and he constantly threatens to kick us out if we ever say anything negative about him but then my mom gets on my ass about not liking him.

my mom straight up fakes my identity constantly soo she has control of my bank account and medical records and like. i dunno. everything that should be private. she comes in with me to doctors appointments and will lie to the doctors if she doesnt agree with a diagnosis. also she hid my social security card and birth certificate so thaaat suuuuucks

she refuses to let me learn how to drive, and. gestures. i have horrible chronic pain, i cant usually walk past my driveway in all honesty. soo i cant really GO anywhere.

uhh my mom kinda gaslit gatekeep girlboss Manipulated me out of reporting my dad when i had a chance to. and then kinda sorta told me i couldnt trust my therapist. who i havent seen in a while so idk. my mom also refuses to get my brother help with his eating disorder and kinda. encourages it a lot if im being honest.

uhh i recently figured out that i think my mom may have been posting child porn? of my brother and i growing up. which isnt superbly sick i dont think. idk maybe im being dramatic. i posted a couple comics on here about some stuff shes said/done in this context so i guess yall can decide if anyones even reading this.

i guess this is more petty teenage bullshit than a serious problem but shes really mean to me. and its not great i think. idk she does this thing where shell act like im an unstable and horrible person and i have been since like..i think three? is the number she usually uses. but she acts like im the devillll and shes calm and collected so Obviously im in the wrong. and shell say really mean things and act like i started an argument by standing wrong. like leaning on a wall or smth. i guess shes kinda mean at kinda. vulnerable times too. like i remembered. something my dad did. and she kept yelling at me for crying cuz it wasnt a big deal. sophie said it was a really big deal but i dunno. or another time when i had a really really bad ptsd episode at school and when i asked to go home early she made me stay Past the end of the school day bc she wanted to teach me i couldnt quit. or another time when i had a chronic pain flareup while at work and my boss straight up TOLD ME to go home (librarians arwe chill like that) and she came to my workplace and uhh. gestures. had me stay multiple hours past when my shift would end. while i was like. yk breaking down cuz of the pain. she was there the entire time and just refused to take me home or give me the painkillers she keeps in her purse for Her chronic pain. i dunno. shes really mean to me.

uhh she checks like. a decent. amoutn of my social media. she slipped up one time and told me. n shes had friends in the past tell her things behind my back so i get kinda nervous telling people anything tbh. and she listens in on verbal conversations.

this isnt her fault i guess but it makes things harder for sure. but i dont havee my high school diploma. long and complicated story i dont feel like telling. shrug. and i dont have literally. Any friends offline, nor family i can talk to outside of this house.

i dunno what to say after this bwomp. if you read all this heres a sticker ⭐

[gayspock]

cringe check

ok lastone tonight before i flush my head down the fucking toilet or whatever the fuck i can do , just god thinking abt how fucking much youre left behind with fucking everything. i wonder how many lives everyone ive known have lived in the past 10 or so fucking years, whilst ive done fucking nothing at all... because i cant even pull myself together just for one fucking second. i feellike a rotted fucking cunt. i dont know why i have to be such a fucking failure at fucking everything no matter how much i try like its never enough for anything and i cant make anything work out right and even when i do fucking try my best nobody ever even fucking believes me because its just that laughably bad half the fucking time . its so fucking embarrassing it just gets worse its fucking everything i cant fucking manage anything half the time without fucking falling apart. at least 10 fucking years ago i was a loser whose brain was fucking rotted by fandom bullshit or whatver now i fucking pick up anything and i feel myself shaking and sick half the time because it just makes me cry and get upset like i cant fucking read anything any more without losing my mind because even books about sad depressed fucking cunts have to have some other fucking person in it and to make the thing fucking go forward or they at least had something that they lost in the fucking first place and it just makes me sob because its not like i can even have that to fucking cling to i just fucking rot in here alone and its getting harder and harder to even be a fucking delusional dipshit. i dont know why i keep thinking new beginnings might help that trying might help and i hear other people fucking whispering at work and the tone of their fucking voices shift as they realise oh fuck me hannah did nothing again this weekend oh hannah youre not in contact with anyone from uni or with anyone else what did you do this weekend? oh spend it alone again oh ha ha um... no no noim fucking not i dont know whats wrong with me i spent 3 years i feel like they never happened any more i cant fucking remember anything i turned up to graduation and people didnt even know who i was because i just cant keep a fucking hand on any of it and the exact same thing happened at sixth form and secondary school and primary school no mnatter how hard i try at new places to try and be fucking nice nobody can fucking stand me and im trying not to be a btich half the time but it gets harder and fucking harder and the longer i go the harder it gets and nobody fucking wants to deal with a grown fucking adult that doesnt have anything that cant handle anything what do you even fucking talk about with a fucking blank wall and an empty headed freak with no other friends theres nothing but i cant handle anything i cant do it i keep trying and i cant do it by myself its such a stupid neverending fucking cycle and i feel like everything was so bad when then but i feel like a physical fucking difference with how much slower my brain feels nowadays like not just the brain fog i used to have but i cant even fucking string shit together or whatever and god fuckingg christ i think part of my brain might just be fucking collapsing in on itself im just biding my fucking time or whatever until etcwhy why why. sorry i dont mean all that

[10moonymhrivertam]

*cracks knucles*

Okay gotta admit I do not remember what I followed you for so what might already be familiar to you but I'm gonna aim for a smorgasbord here and hope I hit some new stuff for you. I was trying to skip around for variety but I know I repeated some stuff :P I've got more fandoms on offer and I'm coming up on 2k bookmarks total, so let me know if you want more of anything specific or just. More in general lol

The Stars Move Still by BeautifulFiction

(BBC Sherlock)

"What could I want so desperately that would make me sell my soul? What could possibly compel me to surrender the part of myself that makes me who I am: the source of my magic, my self-control, everything?" Magic has been a part of Sherlock's life for as long as he can remember. Most people view his abilities with suspicion, their own power pale in comparison to what he can do. Jealous rumours dog his footsteps: accusations that he sold his soul in exchange for his talents. Then John Watson enters his life, all ease and acceptance, and Sherlock will do anything – will pay any price – to ensure nothing brings him to harm.

10moonymhrivertam's note: The one with the souls where Anderson is a dick and gets burned for his trouble. (There’s much more to it than that, but that was a personal note to help me keep it straight for rereading - that part stands out)

Skeletons by flawedamythyst

(BBC Sherlock, ✨Mystery✨)

Sherlock's refusal to talk about his past hides far more skeletons than John could ever have guessed at. Halloween-esque AU. Now complete. Actually a fusion with another (well-known) fandom, but I feel that knowing which in advance spoils some of the story, so I have put it behind a spoiler-cut in the End Note. I don't feel it's necessary to have knowledge of that fandom to read this fic. 10moonymhrivertam's note: I love this fic to death - the fusion is well done and aims in a direction that I think most of us wouldn’t aim for (I know I certainly haven’t when writing crossovers of the same fandoms), which just makes it harder to guess in the best way.

I'm a Doctor, Dammit, Not Casper the Friendly Ghost by Bethalous

(Star Trek: TOS)

Leonard McCoy is dead. Don't worry, he's fine with it. But after over 200 years, Earth starts to get a bit boring so it's time for an adventure. And what better place than the USS Enterprise? It's got a cute Captain, a dashing First Officer, and plenty of opportunities for pranks. So what if something is always going wrong? He's dead; nothing's going to affect him. No note from me yet, but I should reread it and leave one.

Consequences by LizaGreen

(A:TLA)

Sokka and Master Piandao sit and talk over cups of tea. Sokka gets a revelation too many that makes him rethink his perspective on the Royal Family. 10moonymhrivertam's notes: A really cool piece with lots of Piandao subtl[t]y - and I always forget to think about what Zuko would've been trained in while fourth-in-line. Assassin is a really really cool choice

Brave New World by MoonFox

(Merlin, SG-1, Doctor Who)

1500 years after Camlann: Merlin has made a life for himself when a surprising twist of fate and alien technology brings him face to face with friends he thought he lost. Gwaine is saved unexpectedly by his own past and future. 10moonymhrivertam's notes: Oh, hello, this is the fic that made me interested in Stargate!! I still haven't figured out where to start despite the fact that I've had this bookmark for a while XD This is a really sick fic, though, I love the whole Gwaine time travel thing. [I should add this to the AO3 note, but it's definitely readable with no Stargate knowledge, though I will admit there was a big feeling of 'oh I am for sure missing stuff', I still followed it and really enjoyed it. I still-still don't know anything about Stargate XD]

the reactions of a dead man by agloeian

(Thor, MCU)

One second, Loki is fading out of consciousness, and the next he’s staring at the ceiling of Asgard’s great hall with air in his lungs. --- Loki wakes up in the past with all the knowledge he needs to stop Thanos ever coming to power in the first place. This somehow doesn't stop him from getting into trouble. A Post-Infinity War Time Travel Fix-it Fic. [No 10moony notes]

Because Designation: Roxanne Ritchi Asked by setepenre_set

(Megamind)

The evolution of Megamind and Roxanne's relationship, as told through brainbot code updates. 10moonymhrivertam's notes: Terribly, terribly cute 💙💙💙

Happy Endings Verse by Della19

(series bookmark, Doctor Who & Star Trek: AOS)

(Because it's a series bookmark, it has no summary, but my note was: The title is exactly the reason I bookmarked this ^_^)

Salvage by MuffinLance

(A:TLA)

Mid-Season-One Zuko is held for ransom by Chief Hakoda. Ozai's replies to the Water Tribe's demands are A+ Parenting. Hakoda is… deeply concerned, for this son that isn't his, and who might be safer among enemies than with his own father. [No 10moony note]

Live Through The Rain by Dont_call_me_Carrie

(MCU, Iron Man, WTNV)

Maria Carbonell was born and raised in a friendly desert community where the sun was hot, the moon was beautiful, and mysterious lights passed overhead on a regular basis. This...changes things. 10moonymhrivertam's notes: I go feral for this fic! It has such interesting things to say about Night Vale and the rest of the world, does some cool stuff with the Avengers side of it…somewhere in my google docs is self-indulgent recursive fic for this because djdjjwjxjejwjshddh it just ends so neatly and opens itself up to furthering of the story.

dream to me by weatheredlaw

(GOmens)

“You know, angel. Sometimes I think we’ve been bearing witness to a very great love affair, and we didn’t even notice.” or: an angel and a demon fall in love. but a bookshop and a bentley do it first. 10moonymhrivertam's notes: Oh I will definitely be using these ingredients to bake my own cake sometime, if that metaphor makes any sense.

I haven't read fic before bed in a while and that directly corresponds with my life satisfaction. I want fic recs of ppls absolute favorite fics. I've read the same fics over and over it's time to expand