#it doesn’t feel like a move Natalie would make as Queen especially

[novelconcepts]

Okay, but—how does the hunt evolve? How does it get more barbaric than it begins? Because the first hunt, with Natalie, has everyone on equal ground. Everyone is dressed for warmth, everyone has shoes on, it’s very “this could happen to any of us”. It’s fair, if such a thing exists in the wild.

But the opening scene of the pilot? Pit Girl? She’s in a flimsy dress. She’s barefoot. She’s not designed for a sprint to get water, much less for her life. So, how does it escalate? How fucking bad must it get, for the hunters to be dressed in furs and masks, and the prey to be so unprepared for the elements? That doesn’t feel like a move they’d make unless things got so much worse than we’ve seen.

[frisiunia]

Undermourning

Heya! I want to introduce you the idea of my Undertale AU. I called it “Undermourning”. This is based on three threads.

So, here we have data 16th of September, 2015.

1. First one is the most related to the title. Since king Asgore died monsters are under mourning. A lot of the Underground population is suffering from hopelessness and even depression because humans souls are gone as well. Even Toriel, but not because of the same thing. 

To understand it I have to tell about one error that has made this world like this - Sofia and Natalie. Sofia and Natalie are twins. In this AU they fell to the underground instead Frisk. They completed pacifist route, but not the “true pacifist route”. They couldn’t do the true one, becuase none of them had possibility to reset. Sofia’s soul was yellow - the soul of justice. Natalie’s soul was purpule - the soul of perseverance. Flowey didn’t have possibility to reset as well, because Frisk should’ve fallen into the Underground, not Natalie and Sofia. But thanks to Sofia’s desire for justice and Natalie’s strong will, they did it! They made friends with most of Underground population. They’ve defeated king Asgore. They’ve beaten up Omega Flowey. But they couldn’t leave the Underground (it’s kinda unclear where the protagonist is on the end of neutral route. Wiki thinks Frisk is on the surface so if protagonist is then the Sofia morality didn’t let her leave the underground, okay? =w=). Undyne has become new queen. But she didn’t kill Sofia and Natalie. Yea, it sounds ridiculously but Undyne decided to start with policy where humans are treated like friends. I know, it sounds weird, but I’ll explain it soon! 

Natalie and Sofia came back to the Ruins and stayed with Toriel. They pretty often comes to the rest of the Underground and their caretaker isn’t noticing it. Since I’ve said about Toriel, I have to explain her mourning. When she’s taking care of two kids like it was in the past, she just starts recalling her dead children better. People can grief a few times in their life over one thing. And that’s what happening to Toriel. She’s grieving again. Since I’m talking about it, I have to tell that Sofia and Natalie have become friends with Flowey, YAY! And Sofia even got really close to him... she really regrets he doesn’t have soul. 

But Flowey has actually started care about others and their feelings. He can’t feel anything, but he know how others - for example Sofia and Natalie - could feel about things he has done. And here you have answer for the question - “Why didn’t Toriel came back as Queen?”. Flowey cares about his mother and knew that, if she’ll come back then monsters could call her traitor (especially Undyne) and he was suspecting that Undyne might be planning something...

2. Now I’ll explain quiet war between humans and monsters. Frisk has already fallen into the Underground, after three years (2018). Monsters treat him like a friend, like Undyne wanted. Sofia and Natalie liked him too. But one day he found Undyne notes about new plan to destroy the humanity. She thought that killing humans at the start and letting them know that they are not wanted here, isn’t the right move. She has to wait for seven humans, treat all of them like friend, make them trust monsters and throw into a trap where she and royal guards would easily kill them. Frisk has shown these notes to Sofia and Natalie. They were shocked when they found out that monsters (or at least Undyne and people that must’ve known) they thought were their friends had betrayed them. Now they think about their own plan to win this quiet war.

Do you think it’s out of character for Undyne? It’s okay, I’m going to explain her way of thinking better in the future.

3. The last one is Chara. Becuase the error that were Sofia and Natalie, he came back as a spirit, because Frisk should be in the Underground. Chara didn’t know what to do. He couldn’t interact with anything and anyone, including Sofia and Natalie. However, he could look at code. It seemed interactable. He didn’t want to mess anything up at first. But after a while, he has figured out what he could do. He started studing programming. He was studing and studing and studing. He became really good at it. He created new soul and new body for himself. With his new skills, he was able to remake this world. He could do everything better. He could come back to his life with Dreemurrs, with Asriel. He could make monsters live on the surface. But when he saw this quiet war between humans and monsters, he decided that he doesn’t want to live with any of these races. He has decided that these two races deserve just one thing - pain.

[familyagrestefanblog]

Shadow Moth forshadowing detail + S4 Theory

I kinda just noticed something about Gabriels design concerning his Miraculous and I'm a bit mind blown right now tbh

I always thought it was odd that the character designers chose to hide the quite small butterfly brooch under a much bigger tie

Of course, as one can see in the transformation sequence, that "problem" gets solved when Nooroo activates the Miraculous. In the active Form the butterfly miraculous would indeed require a bigger hiding place such as a tie but the thing is, when the miraculous IS activated Gabriel doesn't wear the tie. So that "solution" is invalidated.

Its nothing that ever really bothered me much, I just found it ODD because they could have chosen anything for his casual wear but they stuck with something unnecessary big concidering the size of the object they want to hide with it.

But THEN I just remembered Shadow Moth from the upcoming s4 and... dude, the tie covering so much more space underneath than needed for the Butterfly miraculous was totally not a random decision.

The placements of the butterfly and peacock miraculous' actually line up perfectly with the size of the tie.

As I said the butterfly miraculous increases its size quite alot, it would probably cover almost half of the hidden area. But half also indicates that there is still space left and that remaining space is just right for the peacock miraculous

Looking at Natalies design both as her civilian self and as Mayura one can clearly see that the peacock is placed on a lower point as the butterfly.

And I just noticed how brilliantly they included the turtlenecks and "around areas" into her designs. Mayura doesn't need the same "upper space" as Hawkmoth does so she has all of that neck fluff. Whereas with Natalies normal clothing the red shirt area now looks actually "well used" and complete, where formerly it looked quite empty. Not too much to be off putting but seeing the peacock there on her civilian design feels like the missing piece of her design finally was added

But let me come back to this in a second, there is something else I wanna finish up first.

Thinking about the fact that the butterfly miraculous get alot bigger I noticed that it certainly is no coincidence either that Mayuras Miraculous stays the same size

As I showed right at the beginning the activated butterfly would take up so much space that, with taking Gabriels clothing layout into account, the peacock miraculous (as the second one added to his character) wouldn't be allowed to change in size because it wouldn't look visually appealing anymore. So both Natalies and Gabriels civilian designs were modelled from the get - go in a way that the peacock can stay the same size.

But all of this still leaves open some big implications. The way I am showcasing it implies that:

1. Gabriel is going to wear the peacock often and for long enough to justify setting up his character model with it in mind. I was always certain that Shadow Moth is not a combination we will only get to see 1 or 2 times but when I now realize that him wearing the peacock as well is apperently such a crucial aspect of his character arc that they set it up on this scale, I do have to wonder what's the plan here and how it'll correspond to

2. Unlike Gabriels civilian design, Natalies "completed" one including the peacock miraculous straight up implies that she won't be hiding it AT ALL. That's actually the most interesting aspect about this when I think about it. Sure the other miraculous from our heros aren't hidden either but one would think that Natalie would know better than to just wear a peacock pin out in broad daylight at the same spot Mayura does. Especially considering that Gabriel IS going to hide both Miraculous. There needs to be a reason why for it's okay for Natalie when it's so obviously not for Gabriel.

And I might actually have an answer for this

Ever since the Fandom very early caught onto the hints that Emilie was the former peacock miraculous holder a very specific thought came up and kinda stayed with some fans (me included) and I think we actually weren't off with that assumption at all.

The thought im talking about is of course the idea that in "the collector" Adrien didn't reacted to the peacock miraculous because for him it is simply a very dear and special jewelry of his mother. So seeing that his father is keeping it in his safe is not something that should come with much of a surprise. Hence why he didn't.

"But what does this have to do with Natalie?", you might ask and I say it actually could be quite simple at this point.

The show is making no secret out of Gabriel starting to fall in love with Natalie as well. The new york special even had him placing a PINK rose onto Emilies coffin instead of a red one, which as we know from "Weredad" symbolizes a platonic love.

Gabenath is happening (how it'll end is another question tho). With all of the set up and development to this point I actually DO would say that Gabriel will start moving on with Natalie (but will of course stay Hawkmoth and terrorize Paris because his quest has become less and less for his family and more for his own selfish and sadistic ego) which makes her suddenly wearing a peacock pin actually not suspicious at all.

In the eyes of the public and especially ADRIEN it would simply mean that Gabriel has fallen in love again and that Natalie has now reached the level of belonging in the Agreste family that she is now wearing the very special jewelry of Emilie. Bonus points if Adrien gives his blessing for her wearing it as well and ends up being the factor why she wears it from then on all the time because if we are gonna rip his heart out with the reveals, let's at least do it properly

But that still doesn't explain the paradoxical set up of Natalie wearing the miraculous permanently openly and Gabriels model being designed to wear the peacock much more often than we initially thought.

Well this is where I will go once again even deeper into theory land, if your interested in that, read further under the cut:

A possibility here is that Gabriel Miraculous jewelry collection comes into play.

It's an aspect of the show that has hardly been used til now and it would provide a solid solution for the problem. The piece of jewelry Natalie wears draws no suspicion to itself if it's seen at the same time Hawkmoth wears both the butterfly and the peacock.

I definitely don't think Natalie will wear it right from the beginning of the season, it'll most likely come through development and a special dedicated episode. My guess is on the forshadowed Sabine as "Verity Queen" and it'll be a mother's day episode.

Marinette has so much to do because of her duties as Ladybug and guardian that she can't spend the day with her mother because she has to leave constantly, leading Sabine to just want to know what her daughter is doing so important that mothers day isn't important anymore. Cue akumatization. In the same episode I see Adrien (after the Marinette& Sabine reunion scene) really welcoming Natalie as his new mother right up front to her and maybe even taking the peacock pin (his mothers "dear jewelry") out of Gabriels safe to give it to her as a symbol that she's for him his new mother figure.

Prior he would have seen Gabriel with the pin in his hand and thinking which Adrien interprets as "Father is thinking about moving on with Natalie" but as the peacock pin is not just that (and Gabriel refuses (but actually does want to) to move on properly) that interpretation is not quite all of the truth. So Adrien is the one to (ironically) give Natalie the miraculous permanently because even if his father still refuses to move on and take the opportunity to be happy again, that won't stop Adrien from having a new mother. You can have a new mother (figure) without your other parent making the official move first.

This is so sweet and heartbreaking and HORRIBLE at the same time, it’s totally something Miraculous would do! The show never hold back really using the double identities for stark contrast or set up for a brutal pay off (especially with the Agrestes which can only result in a disaster at this point).

Of course this is just one idea, not saying it'll 100% happen like this, it's just a possibility I really really like (Also for Sabine).

"Varity Queen" imo being near the middle of the season Gabriel and Natalie would afterwards definitely need the fake peacock miraculous from Gabriels jewelry line (A fake Peacock IS something said in a tweet a while ago I just can't find it anymore) as a cover up because Natalie will have to/WANT to wear the pin Adrien gave her from then on permanently. So while Gabriel brings chaos as Shadow Moth Natalie wears the fake Miraculous as civilian.

Or... You know...

Since Natalie was the one parent in the forshadow episode "Chat Blanc" who was shown to be genuinely upset and shocked that Adrien turned out to be Chat Noir (whereas Gabriel skyrocketed his cunt level to a new level) and then wasn't to be seen anymore later with Hawkmoth in the fight, maybe after finding out about Adriens identity which is forshadowed like crazy Gabriel thinks he's gonna have to take some... precautions concerning Natalie loyalty since Adrien and her are forming a strong mother/ son bond (while Gabriel himself becomes a more and more horrible father. And Him being the “loving family father who would do anything for his family” is what Natalie loves him for) and he fears Natalie will choose Adrien over him. So a fake Miraculous will definitely come in handy while he can properly hide the real one under his tie (which of course doesn't mean he'll be the one to keep the real Miraculous in the end)

It's a possibility. Something like this is VERY likely to happen in my opinien because I personally can't see how this family tragedy is supposed to end up as anything else than in flames after the reveals (including Adriens and Natalies bond) so this is the way I see their future.

[pluviophile-bookworm]

High School Musical: The Musical: The Series: The Rewatch pt. 4

I really need a pick-me-up after 2x11, and I feel like 1x7 might be what I'm looking for, so here I am again with another HSMTMTS rewatch. I'm genuinely so excited for both of these episodes, so without further ado, let's jump right into

1x6: She stands for... lies, pressure and very inappropriate suggestions (coming here after 2x11 might have been a mistake, actually)

I honestly don't get why Nini's reaction to seeing Ricky in full Troy costume was so big — he actually looked pretty ok to me. Sure, the wig is a bit too much, but so what, it's cute.

Ahhh my boy Reddy is so adorable in that talking head... 'click!' Gosh, I love seeing him so cheerful! Guess he's embracing his role as part of the crew. As he should.

'I'm home'. Yes, Sebby, and you look so good, too! Gosh, I love this scene so much. I can't believe I'd forgotten about it.

Gina looks beautiful, though — I mean, she looks beautiful in anything, but I really like the Taylor look on her.

Ok, I fully understand everyone's frustration about this picture — it's genuinely so hard to get a good picture of someone jumping up in the air, and I can only imagine what it would be like with six people. A bunch of my classmates tried to do something like that ages ago and, needless to say, it didn't go very well. No good pictures were taken that day.

Ah, Portwell: the early days. Ok, but wanting something and feeling like you have to get it is far from the same thing, EJ. Honestly, these two in their early days as accomplices... this is not the first time they've been like 'X is the same thing as Y' when it's obviously not. I mean, of course, that time they became accomplices because 'we want the same thing' — which, at that point, they didn't.

Ok, but they were in such unison with that 'Not now!'... couple goals! You know, even before either of them had considered the possibility of them being a couple for real.

That's a lot of pressure that Miss Jenn is putting on dear Carlito over there. I mean, he's one of the youngest at the drama club and he has to essentially do her job for her, all while she's not even sure if she'll be able to return to her job. I just... keep reminding myself that these kids are closer in age to my little brother than they are to me (except for EJ, who is precisely in the middle), and then the pressure they're under takes on completely new proportions in my mind. None of them should have to deal with all of this. And no amount of 'trust the process' is making it better.

'Should I just live vicariously through someone else?' Oh Reddy, you should just live for yourself. I mean, the truth is I don't practice what I preach most of the time, but I really do mean this. Just go out there and live your best life. You're not Ricky's therapy dog or anything (that being said, Ricky's getting a therapy dog when?).

What part of 'a forest of boys' does Nini not get? It's simple enough. Just help Carlos do his job, how about that? I mean, he shouldn't have to do everything himself anyway.

See? He cracked. That's what happens when you put all this responsibility on a teen's shoulders and be like 'deal with it'. He was just trying his best, you guys. He did not deserve all the clapback.

Ricky's forced optimism about Miss Jenn and the show is too much even for me. Sure, I know everything turns out mostly alright at the end, but this just sounds like Ricky's on the verge of a breakdown. You know, every time someone's been too unrealistically positive on this show, it has ended in a breakdown. And that's the last thing I want.

I do agree about the simple acoustic version of the song, though. Sometimes simple is the best option.

Major props to Carlos for going up to Mr. Mazzara like that. If someone had bullied me, and especially if that someone was a teacher, I'd never have dared to call them 'Benjamin Mazarra!' to their face. Even when he's on the verge of despair, this boy is still the boldest. And we love him for that.

Is this where the 'Carlos Surname' joke started, though? I had forgotten. It was funny while it lasted.

Ricky doesn't know it yet, but he's seriously playing with Gina's feelings there. And I don't blame him because, again, he doesn't know yet, but I still feel bad for her.

'Despite the 4.3 GPA, I'm actually an idiot.' — EJ is high intelligence, low wisdom, confirmed. Not that this is news, but I really don't remember much about this season, so I'm pointing this out now.

Now forgive me if I'm not feeling for Miss Jenn after 2x11... she did some really unforgivable things there. Still, as much as I want to say a real qualified teacher would not do any of that, my personal experience suggests otherwise, quite unfortunately. Miss Jenn might not be very emotionally mature, but not having legal teaching credentials is not her biggest issue, really. It is precisely her lack of emotional maturity.

OMG, Big Red accidentally invited the entire drama club over! And that, I guess, is half of how Redlyn established themselves as the hosts of every out-of-school drama club gathering. Thanksgiving is, of course, the other half. Gosh, those two were the parents of the drama club even before they were a couple. Guess they're soulmates in that way, too.

Ok, so I didn't comment on this after 2x8 when Big Red did it to Ricky, but now that I finally notice that Seb did it to Carlos, too (I took my time, thanks), I need to talk about the knee touch thing. See, this is exactly the amount of touch I used to be comfortable with (since I'm very touch-averse) — both on the giving and on the receiving end — and it can mean so much when you feel bad. It's a subtle 'hey, I'm here, it's going to be fine', a sort of hug-without-the-hugging... I feel like this is a gesture we don't see enough of in media and it can feel just as intimate as, say, holding hands or cuddling. I don't want to talk about kissing because I don't know anything about it. But I just love how we've got the knee touch depicted by both a romantic pairing and a platonic pairing in the show. Ok, rant over. But I just really wanted to talk about this because, well, I saw myself in it.

'Her past is a little bit sketchy'... I see, Ash has already started writing Truth, Justice and Songs in Our Key, even if she doesn't know it quite yet.

Miss Jenn finding out Mike is Ricky's dad is just as awkward as it should be. Whatever they had going on should have ended right then and there.

'... people in the dramatic arts are insane' — 'Thank you.' — Umm, Miss Jenn, you are not really helping your case there. Quite frankly, you're lucky you've got the allegiance of the entire drama club. I don't think they'd have your back as much after 2x11, though.

Ok, but... Big Red wearing a longcoat just to take it off for the dramatic flair of it all? An icon if I've ever seen one. Also, mad props to Larry for apparently learning this number in record time after Dara got injured.

Oh, and... mad props to all the kids in-universe for writing, rehearsing, and learning this entire number in one night.

So both Seb and Natalie have solo lines in the song... and Seb was promoted to main in s2. So does this mean Natalie will get the same treatment in s3? I mean, that will probably mean they'll try to stick her in some sort of romantic plot, and I really don't need that, but I really, really want her to be a main character.

Also, let's not forget we had our first Redlyn moment in this number... seeing them dance together makes my heart jump with joy!

I won't lie, though, the entire dance number and everything was just a little bit uncomfortable to watch after 2x11... these kids do so much for Miss Jenn, and what does she do? Put insane amounts of pressure on some of them, shuts others down at every attempt to put in a word, favours yet others despite their abysmal performance at the audition, and then has the audacity to tell that same person to jump off of something high, with all the implications attached? Not that I'm naming any names, of course. Ok, this has taken a sudden and uncalled for turn for the dark, so I guess I'll just move right along to the next episode now.

1x7: A world where 'That was terrible!' and 'I'm so happy!' can both be true at the same time

My girl Ash is doing the recap! And she's a pun queen, too. 'Miss Jenn was in hot water, Carlos was a hot mess...' — not pleasant, but so true. But wbk. Ashlyn is the best.

And... Ricky and Nini's on and off chemistry is back on. Good for them, because after season 2, I really needed to see a good rehearsal. But I'm thinking EJ's joy at the end-of-school bell had little to do with Thanksgiving...

That look Reddy gave Ashlyn as she was walking out... might be me digging for breadcrumbs, but I think I just saw the exact moment my boy fell, and he fell hard. Ok, I realise now after I've said this that 'fall' probably isn't the best choice of words, but you know what I mean. Fell for Ashlyn. Not like... oh, never mind.

'So meek, so mild, sword!' I can't really explain it, but I love this line. And I feel like it describes Ash so perfectly: like, she might be meek and mild, but if you cross her, she's armed. Gosh, I love her!

Not the Caswell parents leaving their children alone over two holiday breaks! No wonder these two are the way they are. But they're about to get a beautiful Thanksgiving celebration. [Fun personal fact: the year I was born, my birthday fell on Thanksgiving day. That doesn't mean much in Bulgaria, but my dad works with a lot of Americans so my parents knew about it and I've known this and that about this holiday I've never celebrated since I was very young. I have no idea why I'm telling you this, but Thanksgiving has always reminded me of my birthday for this reason, so... ok, moving on.]

So I know she kind of suggested it, but... why does Carlos think it's his place to invite people over to Ashlyn's? I mean, this was part 2 of Redlyn establishing themselves as the hosts for any out-of-school gathering, but... oh well, it led to a beautiful party with everyone, so... I'll allow it.

I really liked Nini's talk with her grandma. It was really nice, and a very fitting way to remind everyone what Thanksgiving is originally about. I feel like people often forget that when it comes to... literally every major commercialised holiday.

Wow, EJ really is that person where once the tap is open, it can't stop spilling. And I kind of like that look on him. It's a transitional stage between EJ 1.0 and EJ 2.0, and I appreciate it for what it is.

Ahhhh it's Redlyn's first proper 1-on-1 conversation! I mean, it got kind of really awkward really quickly because of — surprise, surprise — Nini and Ricky (and EJ), but those two are so adorable! No more breadcrumbs — we're about to get an entire five-course meal here! Which goes really well with the Thanksgiving setting, now that I think of it.

Gosh, they've never really talked and my boy whips out the 'the only thing I'd ever throw at your face is a brighter spotlight' line right off the bat? Boy is whipped! But like, he is the master of grand gestures where Ashlyn is concerned. Still, in this first moment they shared, he really was like, go big or go home, and home isn't really an option here. But I should have known, it's in his name after all. Gosh, I love both of those two so much! Especially when they're together.

Ok, so... this is a really bad way to meet your mother's new boyfriend. Poor Ricky. As if ringing his mum wasn't hard enough already.

See, when I rewatch season 1, I get where the Rina stans are coming from, but then again, remember when I used to say I wanted Gina and EJ to just be friends? Yeah, that's changed too. Not that I ever shipped Rina romantically — I rarely ever ship a pairing unless they're explicitly stated to have something going on, just because I can't see that sort of stuff very clearly — but I really, really want them (Ricky and Gina, I mean) to be really good friends. Once they get past the awkwardness of their sort of history, I mean.

I miss the good old days when Nini was a nice person... I mean, we kind of (really) had a glimpse of that in 2x11 (I'm guessing she was making up for Miss Jenn's very inappropriate slip-up), but I miss the days before she was this big internet-famous songwriter and actually had to be convinced by Ashlyn that she should write songs for herself... wait, now that I think of it... Ashlyn might have helped create a monster there. Oh well. Still love her so much!

You know, I love the Choosical, but it's all a bit sad, if you stop to think about it for a sec. Just picture little single-digit-aged Carlito making this whole thing up in an attempt to participate in his favourite thing... only to not have anyone to play with for the next ten years. Great, I just made myself cry. The thing is, I relate to that story a bit too much. I remember in preschool, when the rest of the children would play together, I'd sit in a corner by myself and read the only book that was there... over and over, day after day. I don't even remember a single thing about that little book right now, but back then I clung to it like it was everything. And I couldn't very much share the experience with any of my peers, seeing as I was the only kid there who could actually read (my grandma used to be a preschool teacher and she taught me to read when I was 4). So yeah. I went off on a rather personal tangent there. Thing is, I know how little Carlos felt and I'm so happy that he finally gets to share this thing he made with a loving and supportive group of friends. Everything has its time and place, I guess.

'Look, I'm not following Big Red just because he paid me a compliment' — of course not, dear, you know your own worth and we love that for you — but see, when he said that thing that you're referring to as a compliment, he did not lie! You really are the brightest star and deserve the brightest spotlight. See, the thing I love most about Redlyn's compliments to each other is that they're so sincere and state nothing but the absolute truth. Those two just see each other for what they are, and love each other as they are. And I think that is beautiful.

It's so funny to me every time someone gets something wrong and Carlos just walks past them out of nowhere and corrects them without missing a beat. I kind of relate to that side of him, too. Except it's usually about grammar and language in my case, not HSM trivia.

If I were Nini in this scene, and was suddenly put face to face with Emily on the spot like that, I would not have been able to handle it. So props to Nini for handling it.

Yeah, sorry to break it to you, Emily dear, but whatever you're doing is not a Cockney accent. I don't claim to be an accent expert, but I know first-hand what Cockney sounds like and... that's just not it. Even Dick Van Dyke was closer to a Cockney accent in Mary Poppins, and that's saying something. (See, I feel bad criticising any aspect of Emily because her actress is no longer with us, but... I have no idea who let them get away with passing this off as Cockney).

Is this the beginning of Jennzara there? I am loving this.

Of course Carlos was obsessed with Glee as a kid... but wasn't he a bit too young for it when it aired? I know I was, and I'm older than those kids. I mean, I waited until I was emotionally mature enough to watch Glee, and that wasn't until 3 years ago, when I was 18 going on 19. Ok, I'm thinking too much into this. Moving on.

Ahhhhh, Redlyn! Just... all of their moments. But screaming the lyrics of What I've Been Looking For on top of their lungs while looking right at each other... was so beautiful to watch. Give me more of that!

EJ: 'That was terrible.' Seb: 'I'm so happy!' ��� Moods, both of them. Those two are real-life emojis, aren't they? And we love them for that.

'... without laughing... or killing each other.' — I feel like that last specification was needed given that it's Ricky and EJ we're talking about, and especially what happened last time they had to do a one-on-one exercise during rehearsal. The ensuing scene, however, is the most hilarious thing!

Root beer, huh? Is that the HSMTMTS code for 'awkward' now? I mean, Nini and Gina had a nice talk there, all things considered. I really want the two of them to put the Ricky thing past them and be friends... but we'll see.

Gina is trying to make the sleepover thing look like 'it's not a big deal' despite how big of a deal it obviously is to her... to which I say, good for you, girl, but I wouldn't know. The only sleepovers I've ever had have been with my little cousin who is 9 years younger than me and also insists on sleeping with a very bright nightlight on, which means I can't sleep at all. So yeah, I wouldn't know. But I'm happy that Gina is feeling included.

So this is the exact moment when it becomes clear that Big Red is not telling us the complete truth when it comes to his HSM knowledge... '14 and 10'? Even I didn't know that. I knew 14, but... for someone who allegedly 'hates musicals', my boy has very detailed knowledge of one certain musical movie... I love how it got him a certain girl's attention, though. Not that she wasn't already paying attention to him, if you catch my drift.

Ok, but this hits even harder now than it did the first time — just when Gina has finally managed to make friends, to feel included in their group, her mum has to move her away again. This is straight-up tragic. I'll say it now, and I'll probably say it again when it comes up in the rewatch — Ashlyn is an absolute queen for taking Gina in for the next semester.

'That's sort of what you always do, huh? Take care of everyone else' — yeah, Ash, and you do the same. You two just need someone to do for you what you do for other people. See, guys, this is what I mean. This is why they're soulmates. Because in a world that has more or less forced both of them to put others first, they put each other first. They each get to be the most important person to each other after they've been stepping back for others all the time. And if that isn't beautiful, I don't know what is. I know I'm repeating myself over and over saying this, but... they own my heart and soul and I'm not for sale.

Ok, but Ashlyn's little run after Big Red left was so cute! Girl is... I don't know why I keep using that word, but... falling.

Unpopular opinion: Out of the Old is the best Nini solo to come out of this series to date. Maybe I feel that way just because I relate to it most, but hey, that is a valid reason to like something.

Oof, EJ's losing followers. Oh well, if they're unfollowing him for being too honest, they didn't like the real him to begin with. So good riddance to them.

Yikes... Jennzara fell asleep with flammable stuff left unattended... we all know how that ended, but just the fact that they felt comfortable enough to fall asleep in each other's presence... speaks volumes. So I guess... well, I don't know what exactly I'm saying regarding the fire they caused, but I loved this big little moment they had.

So this is it. That was 1x6 and 7 and, well, they were beautiful, but there are some parts I can't look at in the same way anymore after 2x11. Guess that's the risk of a rewatch. The Redlyn scenes, though — still the best part of both of these episodes. That and a couple of other things for which I don't need to pretend like I haven't seen season 2.

[ourplaceinthecosmosphff]

Chapter 26. The Heart Wants What It Wants

'chaos is only understood when it is loved by the wild, not the weak’ - Zachry K. Douglas

I wondered, briefly, if my parents were as nervous as I was about that day. None of us had planned on me being back in England anytime soon, but there I was anyway. I suppose I should thank Adrien for continually attracting scandal and, therefore, needing me to distract the media from his wild American adventures.

In May, soon after my sister had returned to her previous insane schedule of ice skating training, there was a report from TMZ, of all places, that Prince Adrien of Savoy was now dating Sienna Lapa, a wannabe singer who’d come in second in X Factor a few years prior. This, we came to find out after asking Adrien what was happening, was the friend who had helped him find an apartment in New York when he decided to relocate there.

My parents and Adrien’s mother deemed it a ‘completely inappropriate choice’. Adrien’s sister, Natalie, seemed to be trying to keep an open mind -- she was and had always been her brother’s biggest defender, after all. Lourdes immediately pulled up all the videos from her X Factor journey to show anyone who’d listen, but that only made our family hate the girl more, as most of her performances involved her with too much energy and very few clothes.

“You can all be so close minded…” my sister complained, rolling her eyes, as Natalie watched the video over her shoulder with furrowed brows when she and our aunt came over for tea after the news broke. “We’re just looking out for him.” Our cousin told her. “So you’re on their side now?” Lourdes asked her. Natalie shrugged, defensive. “I think if Adrien likes her, she must be nice.” Her mother scoffed. “We all know your brother’s record with women is not stellar, chérie.” “He dated Faye!” “Exactly.” My father sentenced. “Maggie, what do you think?” Natalie asked.

As they all looked at me, expectantly, I took a moment to ponder how much this had been happening lately. I had been used to speaking softly before, to remarking carefully on things, in case someone would hear me. But as the Crown Princess, my opinion mattered in more ways than I had immediately realized. It wasn’t just the press that suddenly cared about me, my family, too, seemed more invested in my thoughts. As if my verdict could make or break anything within the family just because I was bound to be queen one day.

“I… I don’t think being an artist should mean she will inevitably ruin this family.” I said. My mother shook her head, and my Aunt sighed, but nobody disagreed.

After tea, my father asked me to stay behind as the others left, and sat me down to remind me, sternly, that being the heir – and, one day, the Monarch –, meant it was my duty to safeguard our family from anyone who, purposefully or not, my damage it.

“You think this girl will damage us?” I asked, suppressing an eyeroll. “Papa, she’s just a girl.” “She’s American. They don’t understand monarchies.” He replied. “Not to mention she belongs to an industry that thrives on scandal and notoriety, things that do not have a place in this family.” “We don’t even know her!” I said, smiling, amused against my better judgement. “We know she wants fame.” He replied, seriously. “That doesn’t have a place here.” “We don’t even know if it’s true.” I argued.

Unfortunately, it was. I texted Adrien after this conversation, and he was as frustrated as we were, but for other reasons. ‘Its so new’, he said, ‘we just wanted to enjoy each other before inviting the whole world into it and now here we are’.

According to him, it ‘just happened’. They’d been friends for a long time, she was really supportive after his breakup and helped him adapt to New York. He moved into the same building she lives in, and they started spending more time together; before they knew it, it was more than friendship.

He also made clear he knew perfectly well how unsuitable the relationship was: ‘she’s been trying to establish her music career for a long time, so her future lies in America’, he said. ‘She also has pink hair and a lot of tattoos… can you even imagine her in mass with the rest of the family?’

I could not.

The world couldn’t, either. Press and public alike had a lot of opinions on this relationship, which became everything anyone could talk about. It wasn’t just me that gained notoriety with Louis’ death, Adrien did, too, and, with him, any girl he could one day turn into a princess.

And that was the main reason I was sent to England. An invitation for Royal Ascot was issued every year to our family, we tended not to go simply because it was far and we had other commitments. But we needed to change the conversation, so if it took putting me under a hat and in the same picture as the British royals, so be it.

I could see my parents’ tension about this plan in the way they exchanged silent glances while we talked it through, but they didn’t voice any of it. Of course, they couldn’t. Not if they wanted me to do as I was told. So, they didn’t mention Harry, and I didn’t bring him up, either.

Regardless of this, he was very much in my thoughts essentially 100% of the time, even before the Ascot plan was born. All I had to do was just keep that to myself and, if my parents did the same, we could hopefully hold onto the lie that the issue was over.

So, on that day in mid-June, I took the train early with Cadie and Auguste and my security, headed to England, with a fancy outfit safely packed away in a weekend bag, which I changed into before we arrived.

I was wearing a salmon pink, wide-legged jumpsuit that my mother had deemed ‘too modern’, with my hair styled in vintage waves under a flowery disc fascinator.

The Royal Ascot races were a society event, with the actual races taking a backseat to… pretty much everything else: the fashion, the high profile guests, the arrival of the queen and royal family later on… honestly, it was everything but horses.

As a guest, I didn’t arrive with the other royals in a very much televised carriage ride into the main front lawn, and I was glad to be able to skip it, hoping I might be able to go straight to the viewing area, free of press. Unfortunately, that was the opposite of the goal.

So, even though I arrived privately, I was then escorted to the entry lawn for socializing before the race started. Though Cadie didn’t seem to think it was necessary – which I tended to agree with –, Auguste made sure to find me a pin with my name on it, a must-wear for every guest no matter how high ranked.

“A drink would be actually helpful.” I told them. “Not until the enclosure, I’m afraid.” Cadie replied. Auguste leaned in closer. “Though my colleague may have a different view, ma’am, I feel being seen with alcohol might not be the best course of action for what we’re here to do.” “Boss.” Cadie whispered his way, rispid. “I’m your boss, Mr. Authier. Not colleague.” “Is it appropriate to discuss that at this time, boss?”

I sighed, walking further away from them and into the crowded, sun soaked lawn. One thing I hadn’t grown used to yet was the looks. Every step taken through a public area, particularly one with such a high concentration of high class people, was the target of laser focused glances from almost anyone around. I was forced to develop the ability of confidently aiming my eyes at something abstract, so I was seen as being busy, but didn’t accidentally lock eyes with anyone. It was a perfect recipe for disaster. Which is why I should have expected it.

I didn’t bump into him, that kind of thing didn’t happen at highly planned events like this, especially when you had a large entourage of people with you whose job it was to make sure you went to the right place at the right time to meet the right people. It was more accurate to say our eyes bumped into each other.

There I was, walking slowly through the crowd, avoiding one pair of eyes after the other. First using the far away stands as a distraction point. Then using the awkwardly placed decorative flowers as a distraction point. Which led to using the one very weird hat as a distraction point, as its owner was standing right next to it. But then the hat was so weird I had to see the face of the person wearing it, but she was already looking at me, so I felt awkward and looked away as quickly as possible and, in my hurry, didn’t think too much about it, so instead of a safe distraction point, my eyes found… Harry.

“Ma’am,” Cadie leaned closer, “shall we go greet the president of the Ascot association?” “What? I–” I stuttered, barely able to take my eyes off of Harry. “Sure.”

Heaving a sigh, I allowed myself to be walked around to meet the people it was important for me to meet, doing what I had been doing every day since the last time I had seen him: smiling politely, making smart, appropriate conversation, representing an entire country. All things that were painful reminders of what kept us apart.

I woke up early, I worked hard every day to hold myself accountable to my new role, keeping busy the best I could, but every night when I closed my eyes to sleep, it was his eyes that I saw. It was his voice saying ‘don’t marry him’, the tap of his hand on mine above his heart as he told me ‘it’s yours’, and every time I thought about it my whole body shivered with joy and I wanted to cry of frustration, sadness and anger that I couldn’t just embrace something that was meant to just be a happy thing.

“Yes, my parents were so sad they couldn’t make it.” I told a trustee of the event, sustaining a neutral smile as though my entire body wasn’t shaking.

Sometimes, hypocritically, I wondered why Harry hadn’t reached out, either. I knew, rationally, that it was better that he didn’t, but he had made a point of saying he didn’t have to listen to his advisors when they told him to stay away from me, but he had. Whenever I started to feel sad about this, I reminded myself it was better this way. Safer. Healthier. Then I googled him to make sure he wasn’t dating anyone new, ‘just in case.’

But now there he was, in Ascot. Because of course of the five days of this event we would both go to the same one, believing differently was something only my parents did to help them sleep at night. On my end, I knew it was going to be this way.

It’s like I was fated to always run into him after weeks or months of absence, just to remind my heart of what it was leaving behind. Destined to try and forget him just to see him again, the man I could see, but not feel. Love, but not have. At arm's length, but worlds away.

As I turned away from the U.N. Ambassador, assuring him I would transmit his best wishes to my parents, I startled.

“Harry.” He startled, too; looked me up and down, closed his eyes in frustration, and sighed. “Damn, Mary, really?” He asked, sounding tired. “Wh-what?!” I asked, nervously, drying my sweaty palms in the pants of my jumpsuit. I’d been nervous all day they were a choice too ‘out there’. “Where do you find the audacity to look this beautiful?!” He asked, seriously.

It took me maybe two seconds to understand this flattery, and that he wasn’t actually criticizing my fashion choices, and when I did I was washed by such a deep wave of relief I was almost angry.

“Seriously?!” I slapped my handbag playfully against his arms, rolling my eyes, and turned away to walk into the building, leaving him as well as my team to catch up. “What?! It was a compliment!” He said, hurrying after me, suppressing a chuckle. I was smiling in spite of myself. “Maybe, but your tone was very misleading.” He smiled. “I apologize about my tone, Mary. May I try again?” I blinked, slowly, grinning now, and he went on. “You look beautiful.”

His second attempt was all that it shouldn’t have been: intense, yearning, full of a double meaning only we seemed to hear.

Bashfully, I gulped. “Thank you… I wish I could say the same.” “Ouch?” He laughed, taking a step back. “It’s not your fault, coats and tails is just not flattering on anyone.” “Well, that’s it.” He took off his hat and immediately started unbuttoning his vest. “What are you doing?” I asked, laughing. “I will go naked before I let you see me in something unflattering.” I took one step closer and stopped his hands with mine. “Oh, my God.” I said, looking around. “Stop!”

The main building was guests only, no press, so we were pretty safe there. But there were still guests around.

“What? You started it.” He chuckled but, at least for now, stopped undressing himself. Someone behind him cleared his throat. “Sir, you should probably button up before we go upstairs.” Harry nodded, serious. “Of course. Thank you, Edward.” He subtly buttoned his shirt while I looked around; some people had their eyes on us, but nothing too out of ordinary. “My secretary.” He explained. “Trying to keep me from trouble is literally his job, so I try to listen to him sometimes, throw him a bone, you know how it is.” “I hope you pay him enough.” I told him, teasing. “Sounds like an impossible mission.” “Touché.” Harry giggled, the sight making my stomach flutter.

We exchanged a long look, the whisper of our smiles still holding on to our lips dreamily.  

“So, how have you been?” He asked, clasping his hands behind his back. I tucked a strand of hair behind my ear. “Good. Well. Merci.” I nodded. “You?” “Awful, thanks for asking.” He smiled, so it was tough to know if he meant it or not. “Oh?” “Nothing that we can fix, I’m afraid.” He shrugged. “Should I escort you upstairs?” “Oh. Uhm. Sure.”

He led the way to the elevators, our team right behind us. With our security, we crowded one elevator with no room for anyone else. Though this was a pretty safe environment, I didn’t feel safe enough to inquire about what he meant.

“So, how’s Lourdes?” He asked, upbeat. “Pretty good.” I said, nodding. “She’s skating again.” “Nice!” He broke into such a huge smile it was hard not to smile as well. “I want to see her skating, do you have any videos?” “More than I need.” I rolled my eyes. “I’ll–”

I was about to say I’d send him some, when I stopped myself.

“You have her number, right? You should ask her, trust me, she’ll be delighted. She loves showing her routines to people.” He nodded, “I will.”

Though it was a very big building, the elevator stopped on every floor, where both our security alerted people it was crowded before the doors closed again. We were headed to the last, highest floor, the Royal Enclosure, which was the best viewing point for the races. It was also highly exclusive and invite only, and a person could online invite someone else after attending for four years. Divorcées weren’t even allowed in until 1955.

So the elevator ride took a long minute, which may be what gave me the courage to surrender and lean in closer to him to ask:

“Truth or dare?” He smiled to the ground, biting his lower lip, but leaned in to me as well and whispered, “Dare.” Smiling in return, only slightly annoyed I’d have to wait to ask why he said he’d been ‘awful’, I went through my head for a good dare idea. “Let’s see….” “May I remind you we are in a very public, heavily press-present event?” He whispered, still close. “Sounds like something you should have thought of before choosing dare.” I shrugged, whispering back. “Okay… get someone in this elevator to slap you.” He leaned back. “What?!” “Go on.” “How?” “I don’t know.” “Mary… I–” He sighed, looking around. His eyes paused on every person present, my staff, his staff, the security… and then it paused on the tall, slender man who he had referred to as his secretary before. “Hey, Edward, I need a favor.” “Yes, sir?” The man replied, while I suppressed a giggle. “Slap me.” The whole group looked at them for a moment, before looking away, pretending not to be overhearing. “S-sir?” “It’s not a big deal, just slap me. It doesn’t need to be strong.” Harry insisted. “Sir, I–I don’t understand!” “It’s a long story,” Harry lied, “I’ll explain later, but I need you to slap me now. Go on, I promise I won’t mind.” I bit my lip strongly to stop myself from laughing. Edward looked truly concerned, and Harry sounded increasingly more desperate. “Harry, no!” Edward said, shaking his head.

The elevator stopped in place with a melodic ‘ding’, and Harry sighed as the others filed out before us – Edward leading the way.

“Any chance you’ll slap me?” He asked, making me laugh. “Ask me again later.” I said, walking out. “But then I’ll have already lost.” He lamented. “Well, then you’ll have to live with the defeat.” He groaned, following me to a table of drinks and appetizers. There were no cameras in this enclosure, and no one else I had to be formally introduced to. As I didn’t know anyone else, this left me free to grab a drink and something to eat.

Harry, however, waved a quick hello to a handful of people as soon as we walked into the room, but continued to follow me.

“Okay, rematch.” He started. “Give me another dare, I must redeem my honor.” “God, men… it must be so exhausting feeling you have to prove yourself constantly.” He grinned. “We both know you’re judging me for not doing a dare. Go on, give me another one.” I giggled, and sighed. “Alright, remember you insisted… I dare you to…” I thought about it deeply, looking around.

There was a couple of girls a few meters away looking at us – more particularly, at him – with jealousy and desire in their eyes. I smiled in spite of myself, feeling oddly powerful.

“To improvise a poem.” He looked so confused it made me smile again. “A poem? Like, like poetry?” “Yes.” I nodded. “Take your time.”

As I took a sip of my sparkling wine, he put his hands in his pockets, looking around. I could see his mouth silently moving as he talked quietly with himself. It was an amusing sight, and I’d be lying if I said I didn’t notice how handsome he looked deep in thought like this.

“Okay.” He nodded, seriously, approaching.

He removed his hat, brushed his hair to the side with his hand and stood unnervingly close to me.

“You're a vision in pink, I might need a drink…” He risked a look at me, but his cheeks were reddening, so he looked away again. “And I might pass out, if you gave me a wink…” I tried to suppress a giggle, as I thought any sudden movements might dissuade him from this dare. “Every day I remember, when the leaves were ember… In blue, you breezed through… your skin, warm and tender, In all of your splendor…” he looked at me again, still pink in the cheeks, but with renowned intensity in his eyes, “Waking up with me, your legs between my knees. I woke up desperate to please, and tease, with ease…”

His eyes locked on mine, intense, he recovered his color just as I felt my cheeks heaten up. He said each word slowly now, over-enunciating double meaning into each syllable.

“And squeeze, your hills, give you chills, thrills, until… Your daisy became daffodils… Asleep and awake, three days of bliss, give and take… Slow, sweet, fast or rough. Forever wouldn't be enough.”

His eyes hovered over my face, slowly lowering towards my lips, pausing there for the longest minute as I felt breathless. To the silence, I realized it was over, and struggled to think of something teasing, light-hearted enough to say to this. How to hide the way his voice – his words – made me feel?

I bit down an embarrassed grin thinking of his words. Walking in wearing blue when the leaves were ember? That was when we met last fall. Waking up with my legs between his knees? When I ran away to his home and we slept in the same bed. ‘Squeeze your hills, give you thrills, slow, fast, or rough, forever wouldn’t be enough’? That, that was… an alternate reality that felt the more tempting the more he continued to look at me.

“I don’t want to break the moment, because I feel there’s a moment here… but that was really good, right?” He asked, sounding honestly shocked.

It made me laugh out loud.

“Oh, my God, did I… write that?” He added, looking around, seemingly astonished with himself. “Did I maybe hear this somewhere? Did I accidentally plagiarized someone?” Laughing, I held on to his arm to steady myself. “Honestly, it was very good.” I managed to say. “I know! It was incredible!” “I mean, it started just okay… but it got… really interesting in the end.” “Interesting?! I think I’m a poetry miracle!”

I laughed again; throwing my head back, I had to hold on to my hat so it stayed in place.

“I need a pen and paper to write that all down before I forget it!” he added, patting his pockets. “Oh, my God, shut up.” I begged, still laughing. “Alright, alright…” He smiled. “My turn. Truth or dare?” I sighed, “Dare.” He grinned, surprised. “Oh, wow. Okay… I dare you to…” He considered it for a few seconds, looking around the room.

Silently, he grabbed my half-drank wine glass and moved to the drinks. He picked a bottle of whisky, and poured some into my glass.

“Hey!” I protested.

He did the same with the scotch, the vodka, the mango liquor, and every other bottle in the table until my glass was almost full to the brim.

“I dare you.” He said, handing me the glass. “Are you s–? This is so unoriginal.” “Just drink it.” He grinned. I smelled the contents of the glass, which smelled oddly of citric coca cola, and took a quick sip. “Oh, my God.” I complained, trying to remind myself not to yell in disgust. “You can do better, come on.” “No, I think this is enough.” “What? You drank nothing!” “Yes, but you never said I had to drink a lot, just that I had to drink.” I shrugged. He closed his eyes, and smiled, annoyed. “Wow. Such a lawyer.” I laughed. “My turn.” “Fine. Truth.” He said, rolling his eyes. I gulped, placed the disgusting concoction in my glass back on the table, but kept the smile in my lips as I asked, “Why did you say you were awful before?” His smile faltered. “Oh. You know…” He shrugged, nonchalant. “No, Harry… I don’t.” I said, softly. He avoided my eyes, but his lips sustained a humorless, emotionless smile. He took in a long breath, and looked at me. “Do you maybe have another question?” “What? No. Harry…” I shook my head, confused. “That’s the question.” He sighed. “It’s just work.” “Work?” “Yes, Marie. Work. I have a lot to do to get Invictus ready for September…” “Okay. Is that all it is? Because your tone says differently.” Still smiling coldly, he looked around, and brushed a hand through his hair, nervously. “Speaking of work, how’s your work?” He asked. “Is royal work as an heir any different?” “Harry.” I insisted, seriously, now feeling my heart beating increasingly heavier in my chest.

Finally, something snapped. He bit his lip, avoiding my eyes, then closed his eyes, muttered ‘hallway’, and walked off without affording me a second glance.

Chilled to the bone, I waited a couple of seconds before following him out, strategically avoiding Cadie and Auguste’s worried glances from nearby.

We walked out of the enclosure to the elevator hallway. It was emptier now than when we had come in, but still had a couple of people in it. So Harry passed them towards other doors, where it was emptier.

He stopped by a window, hands in his pocket, and heaved a sigh, brows creased, eyes pained. My heart ached just to watch him.

“Look, I–” He started, avoiding my eyes still. “I…” He laughed, humorless still. “Harry,” I tried, softly, “you’re worrying me.”

He closed his eyes, painfully. After a couple of seconds he opened them and stared right into mine. When our blues connected, I felt again that old chill down my spine; that feeling of being seen for all I was, that chill of knowing there was a lot being said, even if we weren’t speaking.

“Work is hard, yes, but–” He licked his lips, pausing. “I can handle it. What makes it harder, though, is that I can’t go very long without thinking about you.” I gulped. “W-what?” He smiled, a little more honestly now. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry, Mary. I know that sucks to hear. I just…” He sighed, heavily, and took a step closer to me. “I can’t stop thinking about you.” Feeling my stomach do a cartwheel inside, I gulped. “I… W-what?!” His smile grew now, amused. “I look around my house, and all I can think is I miss having you there. I miss waking up with you, cooking with you, talking with you all day long...” He took another step closer, now in a way where his smell was all I could breathe; still the same citric L'Occitane smell I could never forget. “I think about you every time I open my bathroom cabinet and see the toothbrush you forgot.” He shrugged. “It’s pathetic. And even now as I say it, I know it’s pointless. I know just looking at you that it’s a lost cause. And it’s not your fault, even if sometimes I wish it were. It might be easier if I had a reason to be angry at you… But you didn’t ask for this. Neither did I. I just…” he shrugged. “I can’t stop thinking about you.” I sighed, breathless. “Harry. I…” “I know.” He nodded, staring at the ground. “I understand better than most. You have a duty. You have rules to follow and a huge number of people around ready to remind you why this would be a terrible idea, and I get it. I have the same. Lower stakes, maybe, but I do, and I hate it.” He smiled, in a sad, desperate way; eyes full of yearning as they looked at me. “The truth is I think about that kiss every day.” He whispered, gently. “The truth is I think about that date we never had every day, and about everything that could have been different… The truth…” He sighed, longingly. “The truth is I think I’m falling in love with you.”

My mind was both completely blank and going a thousand miles an hour. I felt my hands… shaken. My legs felt weak. I thought of Louis’ funeral again, of trying to kiss him at the worst of times, of how much it hurt when he pulled away, of when he told he didn’t want to be something I might regret.

I remembered sleeping with Chris right after, getting back together with him without even realizing it. Of the proposal and the yelling and the months of headlines about it.

If my brother was still here, Harry and I might have been just a complicated, unique love story. But he wasn’t, and because of that everything was such a mess. I was such a mess.

And yet, here he was: loving me anyway. In spite of it all. What was the universe thinking?

“Maggie?”

My fragile, already shaken up heart went cold. I looked back to find…

“Christopher?

--- ---- ---

Royal Ascot Outfit

[A/N: I know what you’re thinking, ‘how dare you not post for 2 weeks and then leave us with a cliff hanger????’. Guys, I’m SORRY! In my defence, 2020 was a hell of a year, I had to move, the holidays were a lot, I had a guest over, and I GOT A DOG! So...........a lot has happened! But things should calm down now, so I promise to try my hardest so this doesnt happen again! Spoilers: the story is going into its next phase! Secret-relationship-angst kind of next phase. But anyway, enough about me... how have YOU been? Tell me all about it, oh and also your thoughts on the chapter? hopes for the next ones? notes? criticisms? I’ll take it all! THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR READING AND STICKING WITH ME AND FOR YOUR PATIENCE! PS: Lola, my fur child, is a 2 years old rescue, loves munching ice and guilting me into petting her instead of writing/working. I also accidentally scard her out of going to the bathroom where shes supposed to so now I’m slowly moving a pet-mat through the apartment back there. Tips? LOVE YOU HAVE A GOOD WEEK! BYE!

PS 2: I PROMISE I’LL COMPRISE ALL THE CHAPTERS INTO A MASTERPOST LIKE ONE OF YOU ASKED ME TO, I JUST NEED TO FIND THE TIME BUT I WILL! Thanks for the suggestion <3 ]

[cartoonfangirl1218]

PetraxLuisa Headcanons

Sort of inspired by a brief convo thread with @bisexual-dragon-queen queen but that Petra and Luisa have so much in common and it would sort of been cool to see how they interacted together, and maybe put Petra with someone with whom she had less baggage than that Petramos gaslighting breakup/makeup mess in season 5. So here goes..

It all began when Luisa visited the Marbella more often to see the nieces and nephew that she hadn’t gotten to see in many years and connect with them. She often took over for the nannies because she wanted one on one time. With that, Petra apologizes for the time she allowed Luisa to stay in asylum and for scheming to take her shares which Luisa forgives as part of her road to a better path now that she is no longer interested in money. Petra even muses that Luisa was the reason she had inseminated herself in the first place, implying that Rafael was still in love with her and all, so she inadvertently led to three accidental children. This made Luisa feel a bit bad, even though Petra assured her that it was the best mistake because she loved her girls, but Luisa still cringed to think of all the drama and stress she caused her brother. Which Petra reminded her, she was not the only one. She, (Petra) inseminated herself, initially defended her mother and twin, repeatedly tried to steal shares from Rafael among a host of other things. And they sort sympathize with the feeling of being a screw up. At least in Rafael’s eyes, and how things are better now, but that sometimes it still felt like Rafael expects them to slide back to their old habits and mistakes. Which is real judgmental in hindsight considering that Rafael went into his dark place several times, blew them off when it suited him, and still sticks in Petra’s heart that he hadn’t noticed her twin was impersonating her while she was freaking petrified. Anyway with that common, they find the other things they have in common too. Like the toxic relationships they tried to cut. The feeling of being ignored or treated as wrong and paranoid (especially in Luisa’s case), feeling isolated when all they want is family to support them. They talk about discovering their sexuality and how it has sometimes affected the way people treat them. Luisa starts to admire Petra’s sheer strength of will, how she sets goals and achieves them. How in control and self confident she is as a businesswoman and hotel manager. But she also admires Petra’s vulnerability, the few times the mask slips in front of her. Especially when it comes to family. How loyal Petra she is to those she loves and her girls. Petra appreciates how Luisa tries to make amends for her past mistakes, that she is always trying to move forward even when the past rears it’s ugly head, something she finds all to relatable. She likes passionate Luisa is in anything. In her family, in her spiritualism, in sexual fantasies She likes how Luisa tries to see the best in everyone, how she is open, something Petra wishes she could be like. She also admires Luisa’s loyalty to others even when it is to the detriment to herself and so she tries to help her become more self assured to go after what she wants and set healthy boundaries.

Then slowly, that admiration turns to love and they start to fall. Luisa is nervous because, what the hell, wouldn’t it be weird if she started dating her brother’s ex wife. It’s enough with the crazy family relationships. What if she’s too “unstable” for Petra? Meanwhile Petra couldn’t care less about Rafael’s reaction. She is worried about Luisa. What if this is just a rebound thing after JR? She doesn’t want to hurt Luisa if this is just her, (Petra), being lonely for a relationship. But none of those thoughts stop them when it comes to their first kiss. The girls are asleep, they talk a bit about their lives, the kind of talk that goes all night about anything and everything, and it just happens. It is passionate, it is tender, and it just feels right. They have a talk right after that steamy make out session, Luisa balking that it must be lack of sleep, but Petra admits she had been harboring some feels for a while (and some dreams but that’s not the point now) and so they talk. They talk about their fear for why they shouldn’t but decide they want to try. While Luisa is jobless, she stays with the girls a lot. Having their own fashion shows and teaching them about crystals and other things from her shaman as well as random medical school facts, and being the cool aunt she always knew she could be. Even if Petra warns her about not spoiling them and trying out being the disciplinarian.  

Luisa gets Petra to play more by showing her, and the girls the childhood games that Petra hadn’t had the luxury of doing when she was younger. Like in a spirited game of tag even though it messes up her pristine silk shorts. Luisa adores making Petra laugh until she’s breathless and see her carefree. One of the few fights they have is when Petra becomes controlling in making sure that Luisa doesn’t relapse. When waiters ask if Luisa wants wine, Petra will immediately say no before Luisa could answer herself. Luisa appreciates that Petra is trying to look out for her but she doesn’t have to coddle her. In order to be healthy and set boundaries, she has to be the one to do it. She has the self control. Luisa confides in Petra the nightmares she still has from her kidnapping by the Germans and being hit with steel pipes and Petra tells her of her kidnapping by and murder of Roman Zazo, something she hadn’t told anyone but the police and her mother. 

They both commiserate about their mother figures and how they wish it could have been better, and they assure themselves they won’t end up like them. Luisa comforts Petra especially as there are days when she still feels that she is an inherently bad person, that she will fail her girls and Luisa reminds her how far she has come and that she will never be like her mother because she cares about her kids and she cares in general. Petra comforts Luisa in turn about the feeling of becoming paranoid and gaslighted, and no one believing or caring and how isolating it is and how no one should feel that way.

They both get explore bondage and roleplaying, and take turns being tops. Luisa quickly got into her inner dominant which made Petra melt in more ways than one. But when it comes to cuddling, Petra is on top. She loves being the big spoon, and getting to hold Luisa in her arms protectively. 

Petra is such a dork once they start dating. Loving gazes when she wasn’t looking, pushing instead of pulling the door, accidentally quoting song lyrics and imaging them in rom com situations, that’s sort of thing. Luisa had always been more open when she’s in love so sometimes Petra would catch Luisa staring at her lovingly, like she’s the only one in the world and her heart just stops, and her breath catches in her throat. She can’t believe that she could inspire such a look by just being herself doing some mundane thing as paperwork. But she does with Luisa. Luisa showers Petra with the non-sexual physical affection she had been missing all her life though it took a talk as Luisa learned about Petra’s abusive exes and how they were the reason she was instilling the idea of physical boundaries-“do not touching bodies without consent,”  etc. Luisa respects that and starts slow before diving into the surprise PDA, hand holding, pulling her to dance, whispers inappropriate suggestions, playing with her hair etc. Luisa was also delighted when she found out Petra was ticklish despite the long held poker face. She cracked when Luisa found her knees. 

Luisa admits to Petra that sometimes she misses Rose and hates that she killed her. Even though she knows was a sociopath and a murderer and toxic, she was one of the first people who loved her and deeply cared for her well being. Petra assures her it’s okay to have these complicated feelings but that now Luisa has a whole family who cares about her and loves her, and that she won’t leave her side. 

Petra is the one who cooks when they do not order dinner because even though the girls don’t always like the Czeck dishes, Luisa had always been an adventurous eater and loves them. 

Luisa sometimes helps Petra with the Marbella since she has some know how from listening to her father and Raf over the years. But general keeps out of the way as Petra likes it being her thing and Luisa respects how important it is for the Marbella to be her legacy. Luisa eventually opens her shop of jewelry, healing crystals and other spiritual healing connections so others could get comfort and help like she did from her shamans. Even though there are times when Petra finds that stuff to be complete nonsense, she supports her. 

Luisa is the only one who calls Petra her real name, Natalie, in private. It’s just a little thing and Petra is so used to her new name, but sometimes she misses it. 

Rafael and Jane are happy for the couple though Rafael was a bit stunned by the news and couldn’t imagine what drew them to each other. But they’re ultimately happy they are happy and how Luisa softens Petra and Petra bolsters Luisa. Luisa also meets up with Rogelio a lot on FaceTime. She had always appreciated how he used those acting exercises to help her open up and get to the root of her feelings and they often talk. She also secretly laughs at how Rogelio and Petra still can’t understand each other’s accents. 

Anna and Ellie both enjoy Luisa as a semi-mom/aunt to them. Though sometimes they find it easy to use her to get around their mom’s rules which she often lectures them about. But they also like how it’s easier to talk to Luisa about more emotional stuff that they think their mom’s “Life’s sucks, get over it” philosophy. 

It takes a couple of years before they tie the knot, Petra being a bit hesitant with marriage after all her experiences but Luisa asks her after the newest Marbella chain opening and Petra just sees how her life has soared and come together and says yes. They get married at the Marbella, with the girls as bridesmaids, Jane as maid of honor and Rafael returning the favor and being the best man. And Rogelio acting as the priest. 

[artxyra]

The Empress of Mean (Queen of Mean AU)

The day started off fine and calm for the two teens in the bedroom of the black-haired with blue tips male. Kagami had some free time and decided to spend with Luka and Marinette, but when Marinette wasn’t answering their calls worry began to set in.  

“Luka, I’m telling you, something is wrong with Marinette.” Kagami speaks with a hint of concern in her monotone voice.

“You’re right, her music has shifted to something dark.” He hums a soft tone to think.

A loud knock is heard on the window, Luka moves to see what caused such noise. Master Fu? Luka waves towards Kagami to come closer; Kagami sneaks over. Her nerves calm down when she caught sight of the small figure of the current Miraculous Guardian. Luka opens the window and helps the poor man inside.

“Master Fu, is everything okay?” Luka asks but when he saw the distant look in his master’s eyes, it was then that he knew. “It’s Marinette isn’t it.”

Master Fu nods, “Those classmates of hers finally broke her. Hawkmoth sent an akuma and she accepted it. Thankfully, she on a mission that doesn’t follow the path of his desires.”

Luka glance at Kagami, who nods and turns to her attention back to the master. “What do you need us to do?” She accepts the challenge even if that meant defeating her best friend.

Master Fu hands the two their miraculous. Never had they once thought that would have to battle Marinette, their friend, the sweetest and kindest person to ever walk the streets of Paris. Kagami takes the dragon miraculous and put it on as Luka does the same with the snake.

“Find her and bring her back to us.” Master Fu requests as the two chosen say their magic words and transformed.

Leaving the houseboat, Viperion heads towards the school as Tatsuo heads over to the bakery. It was better for them to split instead of being together in case something goes wrong.

As Viperion approaches the school, he notices that something was wrong. It wasn’t long before he saw what the Empress of Mean was doing to Adrien Agreste, a male that he was exactly friends with but made do because of Marinette. He waits until she was alone.

“Marinette!” He shouts catching her attention.

Two Months Prior:

Kagami and Luka knew that something was wrong when they saw Marinette standing outside in the rain by herself. Luka immediately takes off his jacket to warm the poor teen up as Kagami quickly moves her umbrella over her.

“What happened?” Kagami asks, then a light bulb went off in her head, “Wasn’t Agreste supposed to walk you home today?”

Marinette silently nods, tears roaming down her face at the mention of his name.

“Let’s get you home and warmed up,” Luka suggests and Kagami quickly agreed.

The small group of three made it to the bakery within a minute, Sabine caught sight of her drenched daughter and quickly usher them into the back. Grabbing a heating blanket, she places it around her daughter and looks at the two dark heads for some answers.

“We don’t know what happened today, Mme. Cheng, all we know was that Adrien promised to walk her home today but from what it looks like either something came up or he ghosted her.” Luka explains as Kagami comforts Marinette in the best way that she can.

Sabine silently growls at that explanation and took a breather. “This isn’t the first time this happened since those two started seeing each other, but she keeps vouching for him.” Sabine couldn’t understand why her daughter was continuously doing this to herself.

“Mme. Cheng, we can watch her while you maintain the bakery. I’ll make sure everything goes smoothly.” Kagami sincerely offers the worried mother. Sabine nods and walks out of the room with the promise of hot tea.

Kagami looks towards Marinette and sighs in disbelief. “Marinette, you have to leave him. This is doing nothing for your mental health especially with what’s going on in that classroom of yours.”

Marinette regains her sense and pulls the blanket closer, “I got a text saying that he would be right out, but then a minute or so later, he texted me saying that something had come up and that I should head home by myself with the promise of stopping by later.”

Kagami scowls and looks to Luka for help. Luka started humming a soft tune that would match the volume of a lullaby. “Should I talk to Agreste, this is not the way of courtship.” Kagami crosses her arms while Luka could only silently agree.

“I’ll be fine, I promise.” Marinette’s smile was dull, it didn’t even reach her eyes.

“Luka and I have somewhere to be tonight. If you want, we can come over and watch movies.” Kagami suggests trying to move the conversation away from the Agreste model.

“You don’t have to do that. You know Okaasan will freak if you’re not home by a certain time.” Marinette refuses the offer.

“You and I both know 母, treats you like a daughter just as much as she does me.” Kagami counters with a small, yet quick smile. “Call us if you need anything. I mean it.”

Marinette lets out a short giggle and nods. Sabine walks in with a cup of tea for the three teens. When she saw that the Kagami and Luka were leaving, she insisted that they take the tea to go and say hello to their mothers for her. Kagami and Luka promise and takes the tea. Sabine turns her attention to her daughter and places the warm cup of tea in her hand.

“Are you sure you don’t want to talk about it?” Sabine asks as Marinette takes a sip.

“Yes Maman, I don’t want to talk about it.” Marinette hesitates for a second but stays firm with her answer.

“Alright then, you get yourself warmed up and I’ll call you down for dinner when it’s ready.” Sabine gently places a kiss on her daughter’s temple and walks away.

Marinette takes another sip of her tea, sets it down, and push the blanket away. She makes her way up the stairs, only to sit down next to the trap door.

You need to leave him.

Your relationship isn’t healthy.

Her mind is plagued by the words of those closest to her about her relationship with Adrien. Yes, it was freshly new, but she didn’t care. Marinette was able to snatch the boy of her dreams. Her biggest accomplishment against all the drama at Collège Françoise Dupont.

“You need to rest Marinette,” Tikki advises her chosen knowing that today’s event will plague the mind of the teen. “Remember you have patrol tonight.” She must get model out of the bluenette’s mind and what better way than to mention patrol.

Marinette hums in agreement and trudges over to the chaise, she lays down. She closes her eyes and within minutes her breathing evens. Tikki flies over to the chest to grab a blanket and place it over the sleeping teen. Making sure that the alarm was set, Tikki cuddles her way into the arms of her chosen and finding comfort in the teen’s breathing.

Nightly patrols haven’t been the same with Chat Noir’s constant disappearing acts and reappearing only when the trouble has subdued. Ladybug sits on top of a random roof, checking her yoyo for messages from her partner. Nothing has been sent.

Another night alone, I guess. Ladybug gets up and goes into a running start to jump onto the next roof.

Ladybug thoroughly examines the area; nothing was catching her trained eye. If nothing was going to happen, she might as well head home for the night, but this odd feeling in the back of her mind said to stay and continue for another hour or two. When have her nerves ever let her down before?

Ladybug jumps across of few more buildings staying out of the streetlights and citizen eye sights. She rests for a second before a chill went down her spine. Quickly, she gets into a defense position.

“Good evening, milady.” A certain flirty cat finally decided to show up.

Getting out of her position, she straightens herself out and mentally prepares herself to yell out her partner. “You’re late, and I’m just about to be done.” Ladybug folds her arms and waits for his answer.

“Oh c’ mon, Bugaboo, please don’t be mad at me. I knew you could handle a few hours alone.” Chat Noir attempts to reason.

“Chat, this is no time for fun and games. I messaged you six times to see if you were coming and I heard nothing.” Ladybug scowls and turns around. “You can handle a few hours by yourself, I’m heading home.”

“Milady, wait!” The black cat hero shouts, but it was too late, Ladybug had jumped down the building and disappeared into the night. He pouts, kicks some debris around before extending his baton. “She never stays long enough for me to explain” He groans and jumps onto a different roof to continue the patrol over Paris.

When Marinette snuck back into her room that night, she wanted to scream. How could her partner have fallen so short in just a few months?

She hands Tikki her cookie jar and makes her way up the stairs to the bed. Marinette yawns and tosses herself onto the bed, not being bothered that she was still in her day clothes. Tikki finishes the last cookie and settles down next to the now sleeping teen.

The next morning, Marinette barely even heard her alarm go off. In fact, if it wasn’t for Tikki, she probably would have slept through it like normal. Getting herself ready for the day took some time. She had to mentally prepare herself for whatever lies would come out of Lila Rossi’s mouth, the usual reminder from Adrien that they had to keep their relationship on the down-low along with not exposing Lila and Alya inconsistent bullying towards her person. So far, everything has been okay.

Making sure that Tikki, had her usual package of cookies in her purse, Marinette takes her seat next to Alya, who at any moment of the day would trade her in for Lila. Speaking of Lila, the pathological liar herself enters the room with the brightest, yet fakest smile Marinette has ever seen. Behind the liar stood Adrien, who takes his seat in front of her.

“You wanna tell what happened yesterday?” Marinette whispers over his shoulders, wanting to give him the benefit of doubt for his behavior.

“I’m so sorry, Mari, Natalie called me about a last-minute photoshoot.” He whispers to the bluenette, who nods and leans back into her seat.

Mlle. Bustier walks into the class and immediately starts taking attendance. When she got to Marinette’s name on the list, she was surprised to see her student on time for once. She was showing what it means to be the class representant.

“Good morning, class; today I have exciting news for you all. All teachers just got the word for the annual school dance that will be happening in two months.” The class goes wild. “Quiet down, I still need to give you the theme. This year’s theme is royalty” Mlle. Bustier then allows the class to break into small discussions about the dance.

“Vote for me for Queen!” Lila shrieks to her loyal peers. Was she really handing out fliers to them?

“Mlle. Rossi, the ballets for King and Queen hasn’t opened yet; however, there will an announcement posted on our school’s website.” Mlle. Bustier calls attention to before turning to the board. “Now for today’s lesson…”

Marinette tries her best to pay attention to the class, but she was getting distracted by the design plans for her dress. She wants it to be perfect for the event. A gown that would scream, she’s a queen of all fashion.

Class ends and Marinette couldn’t help but wonder if Adrien would ask her or should she just assume that they go as a couple.

The moment when Marinette was out of hearing range, Adrien pulls Nino aside. Nino gives his friend a concerned look.

“I need your help,” Adrien asks rubbing the back of his neck.

“Sure, I’ll help you, dude,” Nino responds making Adrien smile. “What do you need?”

Adrien explains his plan to ask a certain girl to the dance.

“Whoa, dude, you sure she’ll love it?”  Nino was skeptical. The plan was out there, and someone will end up being hurt. There is a lot of girls that would give anything to be Adrien’s date.

“I’m sure of it. Also, can you get Alya to help you plan the courtyard while I figure out my speech and outfits.” Nino could hear the desperate pleas hidden in the blonde’s voice.

“She’ll agree seeing it’s for her best friend and all.”

Their conversation ended and Adrien goes into the bathroom as Plagg was poking his chosen from his hiding spot.

“What was that for, Plagg?” He nearly yelled at the Kwami of Destruction.

“Your plan is stupid and the girl your claim to love will get hurt.” Plagg scowls, glaring at how idiotic his chosen has become over the last several months.

“No, she will understand, Marinette always understands.” Adrien counters with a sly smile thinking about his Princess.

“Then stop whatever plan you have in mind and stop playing with her heart.” Plagg hisses hoping that the blonde teen would get the message.

“Everything will be fine, Plagg. Marinette wouldn’t hold this against me, and everything would be back to normal.” Adrien, in his oblivious haze, couldn’t understand the meaning behind the words of his kwami.

“Ugh…why do I even bother?” Plagg groans as he flies back into his hiding stop as the first bell rang for class.

When Marinette returns home, Kagami and Luka were waiting for her at the bakery’s waiting area, talking amongst themselves.

“Hey, you guys are early.” Marinette set her purse down and joins them on the couch. “Did you hear the news?”

Kagami turns to Luka then back at her bluenette friend. “You mean about that dance. Then yes, unfortunately, I will not be able to make as it is the same week as a tournament my mother schedule.”

Marinette’s mood slight deflates, “Are you sure you can’t come? It would be nice to talk to people that don’t talk about me behind my back.”

Luka pats the Marinette’s hand, “I’m sure you will be fine. The dance isn’t for two months, maybe they will change.” Luka’s words didn’t make Marinette feel any better.

“Well, I do have an idea of what my dress would look like.” Marinette pulls out her tablet and turns it on.

“Show us,” Kagami demanded in a somewhat playful manner.

Marinette shows the two an outline for a long-sleeved trumpet style gown with a large slit on the side. She has small notes dictating which color should be used, such as pink and silver, the type of fabric she needs to buy, and the different types of patterns that would be used.

“You never cease to surprise me, Marinette,” Luka whispers examining the design. “You sure you’ll have time to create the gown?” He looks up and saw that Marinette winced a little bit.

“I can but I would have to sacrifice a weekend or two.” Marinette shrugs taking her tablet back and setting it aside.

“Did he ask you?” Kagami queried to the fashion designer.

Marinette shoulders slouch and she lightly grabs onto her right forearm. “He didn’t.” before Kagami could get angry she adds on, “There’s still time for him to ask.”

Kagami didn’t want to accept the answer but she also didn’t want to burst the young fashion designer’s dreams of being Adrien Agreste’s date. “Okay, but keep us up to date about anything.”

Marinette smiles and nods.

Waving goodbye to her two good friends, Marinette quickly runs up the stairs to get started on the dress.

Adrien was getting weary of the upcoming event he’s been planning, there were only two weeks before the school dance. His mind was clouded with his proposal words and how much trust he put into his two best friends into making such an event happen when the time is right.  

“Remember Adrien, your father wishes for Mlle. Rossi to come to the studio for her dress fitting.” Natalie reminded her charge. Adrien nods and walks over to the school’s steps where Nino and Alya stood.

“Hey, guys is everything going according to plan.” He asks.

“Yep, and whoever is your lucky lady would be in for a surprise.” Alya gloats adding a wink towards the blonde.

“Thank you, the pressure has been getting to me as we get closer to the dance.” Adrien rubs the back of his neck and tries to keep the conversation going.

Alya is the first to notice the petite bluenette coming their way and breaks away from the conversation. “Hey girl, I hear good things are coming to you soon.”

“W-what do you mean?” Marinette asks, tilting her head to the side.

Alya chuckles at the oblivious female in front of her and winks. “You’ll know what I mean.”

Marinette looks over Alya’s shoulder to see Nino and Adrien in the middle of a conversation. “We should join the guys.” Alya nods in agreement. “H-hey Adrien, how was, uh—is your morning?” Marinette purposely stutters in her greeting.

“It was okay; you look a little red, Mari, are you feeling okay?” He counters taking a few steps closer to the fashion designer.

“I’m alright, just a little heated and all.” Marinette mentally screams, why were her emotions betraying her like this. “S-so about that dance, are you taking anyone?” If she wasn’t over-heating before she defiantly was now.

“Yeah, I have someone special in mind to take to the dance, I just have to ask her.” He responds with his usual model smile.

Marinette looks down and slightly nods getting the hidden message.

“Let’s go to class, dudes, and uh dudettes.” Nino finally speaks which grabbed Marinette’s attention to greet her oldest friend.

There were only five days left before the annual school dance and Marinette has been impatiently waiting for the moment to come. However, between her classmate (mainly Alya) constantly hinting that something big was going to happen, she couldn’t wait any longer especially with how distant Adrien has been with her.

Everything was set in the school’s courtyard and Adrien couldn’t help but adjusts and readjusts his suit and tie. This was going to be the perfect moment to “propose” to the girl of his dreams. Since the beginning of this plan of his, he had rehearsed his lines multiple times in front of the mirror and sometimes to Plagg, who was trying hard not to gag at every attempt. Prepping for this may have taken a while but it will all be worth it when she hears the news.

Slowly all his peers swarmed into the courtyard, during the lunch hour as promised. Alya had texted Marinette to come to the courtyard for lunch instead of opting to go home. Walking into the courtyard, she was already a nerve wreck. Was this the big event that Alya and Nino were talking about?

Nino cue the music to turn on, as he handed Adrien the microphone. Doing a mic check, Adrien subconsciously knew that someone was going to get hurt.

“This person has been a blessing to our school and has become our everyday ladybug, has treated us with care and kindness. And I wouldn’t want anyone else to be my date to the upcoming dance, you are my queen just as much as I’m your king…” He gets down on one knee and pulls out a green corsage.

Marinette’s heart flutters, clenching her hands together as her cheeks blush with red. This was it; he was going to tell their class about their relationship.

Adrien takes a deep breath, turning his attention to the person in the center of the crowd. “Lila Rossi, will you be my queen?”

Lila shrieks with happiness. Marinette’s heartbreaks, a gut-wrenching cry tries to escape her lips. She couldn’t breathe no matter how much she gasps for air. Her chest tightens as tears cascaded down her cheeks.

Lila joins her king, front and center to accept the green corsage, everyone cheers for the happy couple as if they were the king and the queen for the classroom. Which was somewhat true as they were voted the king and queen for the dance. Lila smiles at her corsage as Adrien pulls in her closer.

Marinette had to get out of there as her breathing was becoming dangerous non-existing. Her eyes dart around for an exit, her mind moving several miles per second trying to comprehend the event. Adrien and Lila, Adrien, and Lila, Adrien and Lila. Nothing in her mind could prepare her for this.

Miraculously, she made it home, but more importantly to her bedroom. Red streaks glisten on her cheeks as she looks around. All she could see was red. Tikki tries to get her chosen to calm down, but her voice was drowned out by Marinette screams of frustration. Glass shatters, papers are thrown, years’ worth of gifts rip to shreds.

It's a good thing that her parents were out of town for a delivery because they wouldn’t be able to bear the thought of their daughter suffering like this.

They finally did it. They finally broke Marinette Dupain-Cheng.

She was blind to give them so many chances, blind to see the truth behind the model that claimed her heart, blind to see who her real friends are.

Stumbling over to the mannequin, where her snow-white trumpet gown, with rose-pink ruffles like skirt details that look like stairs coming down from the waistline; white laced sleeves that lead into the gem cover embellishments along the bodice, and long length slit that was almost centered, Marinette pulls off the gown and clings to it.

Tikki flies over to her chosen to whisper comforting words, only to be ignored by the distraught teen. As Marinette begins to tear apart the gown, Tikki notices the familiar dark colors of an akuma flying into the room.

“Marinette!” The kwami of creation screams out to her chosen; however, the pleads did nothing as Marinette takes off her earrings and place back into the Miraculous box that found its way onto the floor during her throwing fit.

After months of fighting it, Marinette finally welcomes the akuma, who soon enough found its way onto the nearly destroyed gown. The feeling of anger, frustrations, dies down as purple mist surround the female and when it finally disappeared, the teen takes pride in her new look. Her lips painted black, her hair no longer in it typical twin-tails but now reaching her shoulders with an ombre of dark pastel colors top with a Chaumet tiara. The once nearly destroyed dress now clings to her body with darker than ever colors. The whites turned black as the pink transformed into varies colors of purple.

She was no longer Marinette Dupain-Cheng, she’s now the Empress of Mean (or Empress for short).

Feeling the power transforming the girl, Hawkmoth made his appearance known, “Empress, I am Hawk—”

“Save your breath, Hawkmoth, you can try and take control over me, but you will lose.” The Empress smirks at the familiar glow of the Hawkmoth’s communication power. Staring at herself in the mirror, she breaks the control as an evil laugh escapes her lips.

Far away from the bedroom of Marinette, Hawkmoth roars in frustration. He tries to contact his victim, but the Empress was blocking him. He truly has no control over this akuma. Her rage was too powerful, to begin with. De-transforming, he calls out for Natalie to make a back-up plan acquiring that the mansion is heavily protected.

Back with the Empress, she looks around the room and spots the miraculous box.  She could easily give the box back to Master Fu for the time being, but where is the fun in that when the only person that can save her is her. Placing the box in a safe place, Empress couldn’t wait to rain hell on those that have ruined her. A sinister smile appears on her as an old class photo catches her eye.

Taking the photo off the wall she sneers, “congratulations you official made me out to be the villain.” She sets the photo next to a lite candle, “Let’s see how that plays out for you.” The flame slowly consumes the photo and all the memories that belonged with it.

Master Fu couldn’t shake this off feeling he’s been having. It didn’t help that there hasn’t been an akuma sighting in days nor has Ladybug been seen by the citizens of Paris these past few days.

“Wayzz,” He calls out to the kwami of protection, “Can you sense Tikki?” He only hopes that his fear isn’t correct and that Marinette is simply sick or something.

Wayzz closes his eyes, he gasps within the second. “Master, I cannot reach Tikki, I fear something bad has happened.”

Master Fu turns to the miraculous box, this cannot be happening. Ladybug is the only one that can purify an akuma, so whatever happened to disconnect Tikki, it must be bad. Maybe it was time to make some miraculous users permanent for the time being.

The day of the dance couldn’t have been a better time for the Empress of Mean to start her quest for vengeance. For the past four days, she has been plotting her movements, whom she’ll attack first and what punishment everyone shall receive.

Let’s begin with the liar that started this mess.

Lila couldn’t have been happier, her dress for the dance was beautiful, fit for a queen, and hand-made by the one and only Gabriel Agreste. Staring at her vanity she lightly touches upon her make-up and proceeds to place her hair in a bun leaving a few strands out.

“I was hoping that you would still be here.” Lila glances at the mirror and suddenly screams when she caught sight of the figure standing behind her. However, her screams were muffled by an eerie pink glow of dust particles.

The room grows cold as the Empress of Mean pulls the liar away from the vanity. “Screaming would do you no good.” The glow fades away leaving Lila shaking her in the chair.

“I-I’m friend with Ladybug. S-she’ll be here to save me any minute now.” Lila threatens, but her threat was empty seeing as the current Ladybug is the one standing before her.

“Doubtful,” Empress remains emotionless, as Lila continues with empty promises and threats, “I’m getting really sick and tired of your voice, Lila.”

Lila hands instantly move to protect her neck, but the Empress wasn't interested in that. The thing that she was interested in was the dress. Her fingers caress the gown’s fabric examining its textures and details. “You have such a pretty dress, too bad I hate it.”

“Please, Marinette, I would do anything, just leave the dress out of this.” Lila pleads but it was all too late.

The Empress of Mean shakes her head, “After everything you put me through, you don’t deserve happiness.” A ball of the pink dust forms in her hands, and out appears a wood-like staff with a rosewood color orb surround by small branches of rose thorns. “My original plan for you was a sleeping spell, but now I see you’re too good for that.”

Empress waves her staff and an eerie pink glow swirls around Lila as she panics. The glow engulfs the teen and disperses leaving the once beautiful looking teen to her darkest nightmare.

“No!” Lila screeches as her once precious gown was turned to nothing but rags.

The Empress lets out a sinister laugh, “You better hope for a Cinderella moment because everyone is expecting you at the dance.”

“Get back here and change me back,” Lila demands while sitting on the floor. The Empress shakes her head and waves her staff for a final time in front of the devastated teen.

Within a second, Lila was alone in her bedroom in nothing but a horrendous red-brown dress, a dress she so desperately tries to take off, but it wasn’t budging.

The dance was official about to start and the Agreste limo just so happens to pull up in front of the school, and the king steps out of it in all his glory. The once bright smile that would make Marinette blush only agitates the Empress where she stands on a nearby roof.

Adrien walks into the school expecting to see Lila waiting for him or conversating her latest tall tale, but he couldn’t find her. Alya spots the blonde model for her boyfriend and pulls him alongside her to their friend.

“Did Lila show up with you?” Alya asks with concern flooding her voice.

“We planned to meet here. Do you think something happened to her?” Adrien now was on edge. No one has seen or heard from Marinette in days and now Lila could possibly be missing.

“Lover-boy, I’ve been flooding her phone with messages and known of them has been answered.” Alya nearly shouted if wasn’t for Nino rubbing her back.

“Babe, you need to calm down, maybe she’s stuck in traffic.” Nino suggested to calm the situation down.

Alya scoffs, “Traffic at this time of night? Yeah right. There is a better chance of an akuma attack than traffic.” Well, she’s not wrong.

An idea pops into Adrien’s head, “Maybe I should go look for her. At this point, this is our only option. You guys go and enjoy the dance.” Adrien walks back out of the school, not realizing the figuring standing in the shadows waiting for her moment.

Making sure that Adrien was out of sight, the Empress knew that this was her moment to strike. Making sure her staff was firm in her hand, the doors magically swing open. The music stops as everyone turns their attention to the dramatic entrance of their former nice classmate.

“Why stop the music, I’m only here to have fun.” The Empress fake pouts as she makes her way to the center of the floor. “Carry on, I don’t want the fun to stop because of me.” She waves to the DJ to play the music only for the DJ to panic and run off the stage.

“M-Marinette?” Alya stutters, “Please tell me this is a joke?”

“No, not a joke. I simply just want to have fun.” Empress secretly mocks her peer’s foolishness.

“No, you’re akumatized. Matter in fact when were you akumatized, when haven’t seen you in days and now you show up looking like that.” Alya realization began to sink in. “It was because of Lila.”

The Empress huffs and sways her staff around, “You know NOTHING, so don’t pretend that you do, Césaire. In fact, NONE of you do especially if you think I became like this because of a pathological liar.”

“Marinette, that’s got to be it!” Alya shouted not fully understand her position in this mess.

“Then you truly don’t know me at all.” Marinette slams her staff down onto the floor and immediately the eerie pink dust from before slowly fills the room. One by one the student of Collège Françoise Dupont was turned into stone.

The Empress of Mean smirks at her work and dramatically swirls around and disappears.

As Adrien was heading in the direction of Lila’s home, something ached him to go back to the school. Running back into the school, he froze. Everyone he cares about frozen statues made of rock. As much as he didn’t want to, he found Nino’s stone.

“Nino…” Adrien desperately cries out. “I will find the akuma that did this and make them pay.” That was a promise. Running out of the building, he transforms into Chat Noir and went to higher ground.

Opening the communication panel within his baton, he messages Ladybug. No answer. He growls in frustration; this is not the right moment to go AWOL on him. Funny as he’s been going that for months to his female partner.

Master Fu walks alone in the streets of Paris in search of the akumatized version of Marinette. He had handed the snake and dragon miraculous to their users and hope that they would find her in time. Sensing someone behind him, he stops.

“Well if it isn’t Master Fu, oh how I’ve been waiting for you.” The Empress greets to her master.

“Marinette…” He starts but the Empress shushes him.

“It’s the Empress of Mean actually. Marinette is not here right now, but do leave a message after the beep.” The Empress licks her lip. “Beep.”  

Master Fu sighs as he wasn’t used to this version of his trainee. “Marin—Empress, what did you do with the earrings?”

The Empress chuckles, “How cute, you actually believed that Hawkmoth would have any control over me to give him the earrings. They’re safe.” She circles around him like prey. “Did you do it?”

“Of course, I did, it’s the only way to stop you.” He firmly replies.

The Empress smirks, “Good.”

Chat Noir is growing tired. He’s been jumping from roofs to roofs, with no luck in finding the akumatized victim. Ladybug still wasn’t answering any of his messages and he could feel Plagg growing tired. Calling in the transformation, Adrien hides in an alleyway not far from the school.

Plagg hovers close to his chosen groaning about needing cheese while Adrien thinks of every possible being that would want to harm his classmates, no one was coming to mind.

“Hi boo,” He jumps going into a defensive mood as Plagg hides somewhere within his clothes. “You missed date night.”

“M-Marinette?” He walks over to her thinking that she needs comfort and that is was all a bad dream. “How did this happen? Tell me where the akuma is and I can help you.” Adrien tries to reason with her.

“This,” Gesturing to herself, “Has been a long time coming. You promised me a lot of things, and you broke each and every one of them.”

“By why take it out on the class? Our friend.”

“No, no, no, they are your friends. They haven’t been my friends since Lila came back. You told me to stay quiet and let her run the classroom, saying that she wasn’t hurting anyone. But you were wrong, she was hurting me.” The Empress sighs and caresses the model’s right cheek. “You’re too good to be a statue, Adrien.”

“W-what are you going to do?” He asks trying to break free from her grasp.

“It will all be over soon.” She whispers, waving her staff. The pink dust particles surround the model.

Adrien tries to utter his transformation words, but it only came out as a soft meow. A pile of clothes and a small black cat stands in the place of Adrien Agreste.

Picking up the poor kitty, Marinette cuddles him and walks out the alleyway. For as long as she is the Empress of Mean her reign would remain which means she has won.

“Marinette!” She turns to see the familiar snake theme superhero.

“Viperion,” She smirks allowing him to get closer to her.

“Let the cat go,” He demands trying not to make the situation more hostile than it already is.

“How about, no; besides where’s your partner?” The Empress taunts to her competitor stroking the fur of the black cat that was formally Adrien Agreste.

“She’ll be here soon enough, Marinette,” Viperion comments knowing full well what she is doing.

“Well there is only one of you right now, so you gotta catch me to de-kumatize me first. How about that a little game of hide and go seek?”

“I don’t have time for your games, Nette, please tell me where the akuma is so that we can save you.”

She gives him a heart-breaking smile, “I don’t want to be saved.”

The Empress of Mean swiftly waves her staff only for the dust particles to be blown away from taking any effect over the snake-themed hero. Unfortunately for them, the Empress had escaped.

“We may have a bigger problem then what we expected, Tatsuo.” Viperion says walking over to the dragon-themed hero who suit has greatly changed since the first appearance of Ryuuko.

“What do you mean, is worse than what we thought?” Tatsuo speaks folding her arms. Viperion nods which make Tatsuo say in disappointment. “Well, how do we stop her?”

The two takes a minute to think about possible attacks to their friend in need of help. Tatsuo pounds on her hand as an idea comes to mind. “I think the akuma is in her dress.”

Viperion’s eyes widen, “Uh… why would you say that?”

“When I went over to the bakery, everything was a mess but the only thing that was missing was her dress,” Tatsuo explains in which made Viperion groan knowing what they had to do.

“What are the chances of me seeing Mari naked?” It was an off question but he needed to know to prep for the revival of the akuma.

With missing a beat, Tatsuo answers with, “Eight out of ten percent chance of seeing her naked. It depends on what she was wearing before the attack. If she was holding the dress then we’re looking on the low end of the scale to see her naked, however, if she was wearing the dress then we’re looking at the higher end of the scale.” She bumps shoulders with older teen. “You better hope she was holding the dress.”

Viperion lets out a small hiss as Tatsuo makes a run for the rooftops.

The Empress knew that her friends were coming for her. To save her, but did she really wanted to be saved? No, for the first time in a long time she felt like she was in control. No one to tell her what to do.

She could sense the only two miraculous users left in Paris approaching her position. It was only a matter of time before this all ends. Closing her eyes, she summons the cat to her side.

Adrien never thought that she would turn him into a cat, a black cat for that matter. He would meow and attempt to communicate but it always fails.

“You may have broken me, Adrien,” She caresses his fur, “And for that, I can never forgive you. I loved you so hard, and when you blatantly ignored me, embarrassed me, I knew we had to stop. You never wanted to protect me, you wanted to protect Lila.”

Adrien lowers his small cat head in shame. He never wanted to hurt Marinette.

She sets him down and walks over to the window. “My revenge is complete, the dance is ruined, Lila is ruined, and you’re a cat, just like the scaredy-cat you are.”  Her voice withers away leaving her completely vulnerable for the moment. Adrien meows in protest.

“Marinette,” The Empress summons her staff and immediately waves it towards Viperion. The eerie pink glow flows around the green hero freezing him in place.

In a quick moment, he adjusts the bangle and says, “Second chance.”

“I knew it was bound to happen but I’m not down without a fight.” She sends him a beam of lightning, but Viperion quickly deflects the attack by ducking. The Empress growls in frustration.

Suddenly, Tatsuo swings in and kicks the Empress in the chest sending the akumatized victim afar.

“You okay,” She to Viperion only to see the glow wrapped around to disappear.  Viperion nods and gets into a fighting stance.

The Empress of Mean shakes her daze away and shoots beams of lightning towards her enemies. Each one is deflected until Tatsuo calls upon her power for the lightning dragon.

“NO!” The Empress shouts, locking the two into lightening battle.

The Empress overpowers the dragon miraculous user sending the hero over the edge of the building.

Viperion screams out to Tatsuo, “Second Chance.”

Time is reversed.

During the Empress’s speech, Viperion gets a hold of his harp and sends a quick message to Tatsuo.

“You won’t win this,” Viperion states irritating the Empress.

She walks over to him, gently grabs his chin into her hand and purse her lips then whispers. “I already won.” Viperion eyes widen with fear, this cannot be. How could she already have won when the battle was just getting started.

Viperion smirks and reminds her, “Oh, have you forgotten, I’m not alone.”

The Empress of Mean staggers a few steps back, immediately her staff is activated ready to fire at the missing dragon-themed hero.

Tatsuo’s battle cry enters the scene as she kicks the Empress from behind. “It so nice to see you again, Empress.” She mockingly greets.

“Ugh, why you.” Summoning the powers of the staff, the Empress shoots lightening only for it to be countered by Tatsuo’s own lightning abilities.

The two struggles to maintain control.

Seeing how much effort Empress is putting into her staff, Viperion starts to play the harp to distract the Empress of Mean from the heated battle.    

The music began to soothe the ombre haired villain, and the two heroes could see that. Memories of her time with Kagami and Luka flashed before her eyes enabling the lightening to be less effective.

“I’m so sorry, Marinette.” Tatsuo silently whispers.

The dragon theme hero readies her sword and dashes over to the Empress with striking speed.

“No!” The Empress cries out as the sword lashes through her dress. She wasn’t fast enough to reuse her staff leaving her to watch as pieces of the dress fall to the ground.

Purple mist surrounds the teen before dissipating into nothing leaving a knocked-out Marinette in its mist. Viperion quickly goes to bring the girl into his arms as Tatsuo goes to grab the freed akuma that was flying away.

“It’s over, Marinette, it’s all over.” He whispers to the sleeping teen.

“We to need de-akumized the akuma, but we’ll need Ladybug to do that,” Tatsuo states looking over the three living beings in the area. The cat meows, strutting over to sit in Marinette’s lap only to be blocked by Viperion.

“Haven’t you caused enough damage to her?” He seethes, glaring at the black cat.

“You did well, Tatsuo and Viperion, but I fear that something is wrong with Marinette. She’s been the Empress of Mean for days compared to your old foes. It’s impossible to tell how this will affect her.” Master Fu makes his appearance known to the group.

“What do you mean?” Tatsuo asks.

“I fear that her life is in danger if we don’t work quickly. Viperion, grab Marinette and bring her to my shop. Tatsuo, I need you to retrieve the Ladybug miraculous.” Master Fu instructed but before Tatsuo could ask him where the miraculous is, he whispers the location into her ear leaving the hero in shock.

Opting to leave Adrien on top of the building, Viperion bridal carries Marinette through the dark streets of Paris and into the massage shop of Master Fu.

Setting her down on the mat, Viperion ends his transformation and hums Marinette’s favorite lullaby. Master Fu arrives not soon after.

“Luka, I need you to grab these items from the back.” Master Fu writes down a list of items and hands the paper to the dark-haired teen. Luka nods and rushes into the back.

Kagami enters the shop with the miraculous box in hand and the akuma stored in a jar in her other. “Is she really Ladybug?”

Master Fu nods. “I need you to summon Tikki and transform.”

“But why me?”

“No time for questions, Kagami. Luka, have you retrieved all the items on that list?”

Luka walks back in with the several items that Master Fu needed to use. “Thank you, my dear boy.” Master Fu takes the items and began to place them around Marinette. He then gestures for Kagami to transform.

“Tikki spots on!” Kagami transform into her version of a Ladybug themed hero which consisted of an outfit similar to the yakata. She then shouts out, “Lucky charm,” which conjured a teapot into the hero’s hands. She hands it over to Master Fu who sets it down and proceeds to work on Marinette.  

Releasing the akuma, Kagami de-evilize the butterfly and then she calls out, “Miraculous Ladybug”.

The magic of the miraculous swarms around Paris returning everything to normal. The student was freed from stone, Lila’s dress turned back to normal, and Adrien was turned back into a human.

Luka and Kagami stand concern for their friend as the magic did nothing to help her, only those that she had wrong over the night.

After an hour of constant worrying and stress, Marinette’s eyes flutter open. She looks around, confusion was written all over her face.

“Please tell me that was all just a bad dream?” She asks in the quietest tone ever. However, the looks on her friends’ face gave her the answer she was dreading. Breaking down into tears, Marinette hides her face in shame. Luka and Kagami pull her into their arms letting the poor bluenette to cry. Master Fu watch with the utmost concern for the next guardian.

“You couldn’t stop it. You’ve been fighting for so long, Marinette, that no one can blame you for letting loose.” Luka’s words could only comfort the grieving girl so much.

“I don’t blame you, Marinette.” Tikki chirped in flying over to her chosen and hugs the girl’s cheek.

“Oh Tikki, I’m so sorry.” Marinette cries out.

Marinette ended up crying her problems away for the first time in a minute. That night she knew there had to be changed from her own choices to the friends she made in her class. Luka and Kagami supported her decisions and help her get past this the incident over the weekend.

That Monday, Marinette was wary of walking into the classroom. She didn’t know what would happen after the Empress of Mean stoned everyone and turned Adrien into a cat. Walking into the classroom, her peers’ goes silent, as she makes her way to the back.

No one would speak to her and she wouldn’t speak to them either. Maybe it was for the better. It was time for her to move on anyway.

Tag List: @traveling-with-thedoctor | @nexitye | @blueberrinette | @seraphichana |

[dirtydobrik]

ticket to la - d.d.

plot: you live in canada and are close friends with natalie. after some convincing, you buy a ticket to la to visit her, and learn who david dobrik is. you and david quickly become best friends, and david always buys you plane tickets to visit him.

requested: yes, by anon! Meeting david through natalie and immediately clicking with him and becoming close friends and you lived in canada or etc but david often missed you so he would fly you out and you would just hangout a lot. You became like a second LA best friend (cos nobody can replace our queen Nat) !!

author’s note: hi! this was requested anonymously so hopefully it was something similar to what you wanted. if you want to send in a request for an imagine, send me a message!

word count: 2,284

masterlist

You had met Natalie while you were both on a cruise almost five years ago. And yet, somehow, you two still kept in touch. For months, she has been trying to convince you to visit her in LA, especially after hearing you complain about the cold Canadian weather for months. But you could never justify spending the money on a plane ticket, so you got a second job, now working as a nanny and as a lifeguard at the indoor pool in your town's gym in order to afford one. Natalie said she would pick you up from the airport, so you sent her a text that you landed while waiting for your suitcase at the baggage claim. The airport was busy, but you weren't surprised, it was LAX. You pulled your hoodie off, not expecting such heat in the middle of the winter.

You stood outside, waiting for Natalie to arrive. She pulled up about five minutes later, and what you weren't expecting was there to be a guy in the front seat. Natalie hopped out of the passenger seat and ran over to hug you, your arms extended and welcoming of the hug, despite the heat making you sweat.

"You didn't tell me you had a boyfriend," you whispered, nudging her shoulder and nodding your head towards the guy sitting in the driver's seat.

"What? No, I don't," Natalie laughed. "That's David, my best friend."

You climbed into the back seat, introducing yourself to David. He turned around to say hi and shake your hand, and you were immediately captivated by his soft brown eyes. A black baseball cap covered his dark hair and half of his face, but you could still see his eyes, and you had to look away before you got any more lost in them. On the drive back to his place, you would catch him sneaking glances at you in the rearview mirror and you would feel yourself blush.

He offered to bring your suitcase into the house when you pulled up, and wouldn’t take no for an answer, even though you tried to tell him you could do it yourself.

"Welcome to my home," he grinned as we walked inside. He put your suitcase down in the guest bedroom before offering to give you a tour of his place. Natalie had to take a call, leaving you alone with David.

"What are all of these awards for?" you asked, examining the shelf in the front entrance. David came up behind you.

"They're from my vlogs," he said nonchalantly.

"You make vlogs?" You were surprised you didn’t know who he was, especially considering how close you and Natalie were. You figured she would've told you more about her friends, especially the guy friend she was living with.

You and David started talking about his YouTube channel, and you drifted over to the couch where he put a few vlogs on the TV. He also showed you the one he was currently editing.

"I can't believe Natalie never told you about me," David repeated. He was in shock that he was never mentioned in a conversation between you and Nat.

"I guess we have more important things to talk about," you shrugged.

"Yeah, David. The world doesn't revolve around you," Natalie said, startling both of you. She joined you two on the couch, changing the conversation to what David wanted her to pick up for dinner and if he knew he needed anything in particular for his next vlog.

"Chipotle, and I'll text you if I think of anything," David replied instantly. Natalie nodded and asked if you wanted to come with her, which you agreed. You wanted to learn more about David, still shocked that Natalie never talked about living with a famous YouTuber.

Once you were safely out of David's ear shot, you turned to Natalie, "Why, exactly, didn't you tell me about David?"

"I didn’t want you to use me for him. So many people have," she sighed.

"But you've known me for years, you know I wouldn't do that."

"You've known me since before I moved to LA, I didn’t want to think anything different about me if you knew I was living with a famous YouTuber." Her reasoning made sense, but there was no way for you to have known about her life in LA aside from what she told since you didn’t use social media.

Over the week you were in LA, you and David became close friends. You felt an instant comfort around him, feeling like you could just immediately tell him anything. It was the same type of friendship you had with Natalie, and when it was time to leave, you were leaving behind two friends in LA, not just one. You cried at the airport saying goodbye to Natalie, promising to visit again soon.

 About a month after your visit to LA, your phone vibrated, and it was a text from David: going to be in chicago for the weekend for an event. come visit me!!!

You also got an email a few minutes later with flight information for a Friday afternoon flight to Chicago.

"David, what the fuck?" you said into the phone, immediately calling him after reading the email. "I can't believe you just bought me a plane ticket."

"I'm also covering the hotel. I miss you, and Natalie will be stuck in LA for a different event so I'll be lonely."

"I miss you too, but I can't let you pay for everything."

"It's already done. It'll be a waste of money if you don't come out, now won’t it," David argued, and you couldn’t fight him on this. He had already paid for everything, and you couldn't not take advantage of it.

"Okay, I'll see Friday night in Chicago," you sighed, and David promised to pick you up from the airport.

On Friday afternoon, you were on your way to the airport to go to Chicago for the weekend. You couldn't believe how crazy it was that you were travelling to hang out with some friends.

David was waiting at the airport for you like he promised, getting out of the car to give you a hug before grabbing your bag and putting it the backseat.

"I missed you," he said, settling into the driver's seat.

"David, we facetime at least twice a week. And you butt in every time I facetime Natalie."

He pouted, "Natalie does the same with me."

You drove to the hotel, catching up on what had happened in the last two days since you facetimed David and Natalie. You felt like yourself when you were with David. He was so easy to talk to and there was never any judgment with anything you told him. That night, you two bonded. It was the first time you two had hung out without Natalie, and although you knew a lot about David from facetime calls, it was different when the two of you were alone together. And while you still loved Natalie, you and David had an unspeakable connection. Something pulled the two of you together, and you wished you had known him your entire life.

That weekend flew by, and by the time David dropped you off at the airport, he was already on the phone with Natalie trying to figure out when you could visit them in LA again.

 David had soon become your best friend, and you hated the fact that you lived so far away. He hated it too, but at least he had Natalie. You had neither of them. It was heartbreaking that you couldn't just call them to hang out on a Thursday night, but instead, everything had to be planned around three different schedules. You tried to see them as often as possible, David even offering to pay for your flight every time. You would get emails after hanging up a facetime call with details for your flight that would be the following night, and you would jump around in excitement that you got to see your best friend again.

 The cycle of David buying you plane tickets continued for months since you lived in Canada and he couldn't come visit you. He would call you and say Natalie was going out of town, or that she missed you and wanted you to visit, or that he had an event in another city that he wanted you to come to. There was always a reason for you to get on the flight, no matter where it was to. You just couldn't say no to David Dobrik. You were flying from Toronto to LA or another US city and back again at least once or twice a month to hang out with David and Natalie, and while it was a lot, you were enjoying it.

 Trips to LA were your favorite. David would fly you out for the weekend just to hang out. The weather was always nice and you loved getting to know the rest of their friend group. But you, David, and Natalie had become a trio, and people knew that. Their friends knew that when you were in town, David would hardly film unless absolutely necessarily. He wanted to enjoy his time with you, since he knew you would be leaving again. Most of the time you were visiting, you watched movies in his living or ate Chipotle and talked. You could talk with David and Natalie for hours and never run out of things to say.

 "David, I can pay for my own flight," you sighed. You were currently facetiming with David and you had told him that you wanted to fly out to LA this weekend. It had been almost a year since you first visited Natalie in LA, and you couldn’t believe how close you had gotten with David.

"No, I want to do it. When are you flying in?"

"Saturday morning."

"And what day are you leaving?" he asked, and you hesitated. You wanted to wait until Natalie was with David before sharing your news.

"Hey, can you go get Natalie? I need to ask her something. She mentioned something about me staying until Tuesday since there was an event she wanted me to go to." David nodded, getting up off the couch and returning moments later with Natalie.

When both of them were seated, you asked Natalie about the event. She said it was Monday night, and that Tuesday afternoon would be the best flight to take home.

"Okay, so," you started, getting both of their attention. "I actually only need a one-way ticket. I'm moving to LA."

You watched both of their jaws drop and their eyes widen as they tried to process the news. Pretty soon they were talking over each other trying to ask questions.

"When did you decide this?" Natalie asked while David asked "Where are you living?"

"Calm down," you insisted, getting both of them to quiet down for a moment.

"I can't believe you're moving out here," David whispered, not being able to wrap his mind around it.

"I know, it’s crazy. We won’t have to schedule times to facetime or deal with a time difference anymore."

"How did you decide this? How long have you known? Where are you living? Why didn't you tell us sooner?" Their questions overlapped, and you laughed. You explained to them that when you had initially visited Natalie you were already considering moving here, needing a change from Canada. You looked into getting a job and renting an apartment, and both had happened about a month ago. You told them that you didn’t say anything sooner because you didn’t want to jinx yourself and have something fall through.

They quickly congratulated you, David now insisting that he pay for your flight out since it would be your last one, and you let him.

 The day you arrived in LA, David and Natalie greeted you at the airport, beyond excited that you were here to stay. They told you that they had a surprise, but the last thing you were expecting was a fully furnished and decorated apartment.

"You guys didn't have to do this," you gasped, walking around the apartment, admiring all of the subtle details.

"Come on, you just moved to a new country, decorating your apartment is the least we could do," Natalie smiled, and you pulled her into a hug.

"I love you, guys," you grinned.

"Cheers to moving to America!" David exclaimed, popping open a bottle of champagne. You all watched as it bubbled over and landed on to the white carpet he was standing on. Natalie snatched the bottle from him and carefully poured it into three glasses, and you made a toast.

"A year ago, it had taken Natalie months to convince me to visit her. I saved up for a month and even got a second job to afford a flight. I had no clue who David was and I had no idea that a year later I would be best friends with him or that I would be standing in an apartment in Los Angeles. This move has been a year in the making and I am so glad to have my best friends by my side. Cheers to moving to LA from Toronto, and to finally being about to see my best friends every single day," you said, clinking your glass with David's and Natalie's. You couldn’t think of a time you had been happier and you beyond grateful to have the two greatest people in your life. You were more than ready to no longer need a plane ticket to LA to see your best friends.

[halstudandruz]

Insecurities

*Not my gif*

Pairing: Jay Halstead x Reader

Requested: Yes

Prompt: Reader over hears intelligences conversation.

Warnings: None

A/N: Not a huge Linstead person (Don’t kill me, I loved Erin, but just wasn’t ever completely sure about Linstead) and the description Jay gives is why, obviously there’s always difference of opinions though! :)

I had been dating Jay for only a few weeks. We had met thanks to my best friend Natalie Manning. Natalie was dating Jay’s brother, Will. From what Natalie told me Jay was in a rough place. His girlfriend had left without any warning not even saying goodbye a few months prior. Apparently this is where I came in. Will was trying to get Jay to move on with his life. I had remembered seeing Jay in passing a couple times before, and kindly reminded both of them that he was way out of my league. Of course they didn’t think so, but I knew deep down what was true. especially after seeing pictures of Erin and hearing stories of her. However I went along with the plan and luckily for me a little later we were dating. Although Jay never knew of my insecurities Natalie was made very clear of them as I was weary with how our relationship would turn out. Erin was gorgeous, a badass cop, confident to just name a few of her qualities none of which I thought I matched up to. However, Jay still found the perfect ways to make me feel like I did. Completely making me feel like I was a queen in every way. Jay had texted me telling me that it was a pretty slow day so I had decided I was going to surprise him by bringing him and the rest of the team lunch. I had met the rest of the intelligence unit only a few times so I was still trying to get on their good side. Upon walking in the district Trudy greeted me buzzing me into intelligence. As I was walking up the steps I heard voices carrying down causing me to stop in my tracks.

“We’re just trying to help you out man.” Someone said who I pinned as Kevin.

“She’s just different Jay, I mean she’s nothing like Erin. Erin was badass. You and her seemed meant to be. Your relationship was something else. Something everyone respected and wanted for themselves.” Adam said.

“Yeah I know. She is pretty opposite of Erin.” Jay said making my breath hitch. I didn’t want to listen anymore. I turned back around heading down the stairs. I was such a mix of pissed and hurt I didn’t know if I could contain myself for much longer. I stopped by Trudy’s desk handing her the food asking her to just deliver it to them for me. She looked at me confused asking it everything was alright, but I just dismissed it walking out heading back home. I distracted myself watching a movie. After it was over I walked over to check my phone seeing a good amount of texts and missed calls from Jay just as I went to put my phone back down Natalie’s name popped up. I answered in calmly.

“Hey.” I said walking over to sit on the couch.

“What are you doing?” She asked kind of yelling a little bit.

“Watching a movie.” I said calmly crunching on popcorn.

“Well your boyfriend thinks your dead he was about to come searching for you.” She explained stressing.

“What boyfriend.” I huffed.

“Oh okay, what happened.” She asked understanding now.

“If he didn’t want to be with me he could just say it to my face instead of talking about me behind my back.” I said rolling my eyes.

“Details, please.” She said.

“I walked in on him and the guys talking about me. Comparing me to Erin and what not.” I explained continuing to eat my popcorn.

“Well what are you gonna do?” She asked.

“Continue sitting here and watch my movie.” I shrugged.

“[Y/N], you know what I mean.” She said annoyed.

“Nat, I don’t know. It’s not a big deal. He doesn’t want to be with me and that’s fine I’ll just make it easier for him.” I sighed.

“I’m sorry.. what do you want me to tell him?” She asked.

“That I’m fine. That’s it. That’s all.” I answered.

“Okay. If you need anything let me know.” She said before hanging up. I continued to ignore any and all of Jay’s texts for the following few days. Will had told me that he was miserable. Natalie didn’t tell him the true story of how things went down. I didn’t want her to. So, Will didn’t understand why I would want to hurt him like that when I was so into him, but he didn’t know that Jay was actually the one that was hurting me. Although I wasn’t all that surprised to see Jay standing in my door way I wasn’t sure why he was going through all the trouble if he didn’t want to be with me. I opened the door ushering him in not saying anything. Heading straight for the living room knowing he would follow me. I sat down turning towards him staying silent. He looked at me, and I was honestly surprised at the hurt that seemed to be present on his face which made my heart hurt even more looking at him now. But as I thought about the things that were said again my hard exterior came back not waivering.

“Are you going to talk to me?” He asked grabbing for my hands making me slide further away from him. Causing him to look even more crushed.

“What do you want me to say Jay?” I sighed.

“What happened. What’s going on. Anything. I just don’t understand [Y/N].” He whispered looking down. I took a deep breath.

“I heard you guys talking. About me. About Erin. The day I was supposed to bring you lunch. I understand I’m not like Erin or as you said the complete opposite of Erin, but I’m insecure enough without all the comments. If you don’t want to be with me then fine. Okay? I just figured I’d make it easier for you. Speed up the process.” I said voice cracking a little from the lump in my throat.

“You’re right. You are the complete opposite of Erin and yes I did say that, but I’m guessing you didn’t stick around for the rest of the conversation?” I looked at him confused shaking my head before he continued moving so he was closer to me, “you being the opposite of Erin is not a bad thing. There were so many different aspects of our relationship problems on the inside for both us that lead to problems with each other, but many people only saw the good sides. There were times where we were toxic for each other just like there were times we made each other better. We found it more easily to separate our relationship and work than most people would in our situation, but we also took that separation tactic into our relationship too. We had too many separate problems that we kept exactly that, separate, and Erin was too confident to admit that. We had a hard time pushing each other for the solutions we were too consumed in our own separate issues and problems that we couldn’t find enough balance in our relationship for the other. So, yes [Y/N], there are ways that you are completely opposite of Erin, but it’s always in the best ways. I made sure to tell them that. I made sure that the guys knew that. They weren’t tearing you down I hope you know that. There’s a reason Erin and I only seemed meant to be.” He explained cautiously reaching for my hands. I looked him tears clouded over my eyes absorbing his words slowly.

“I’m just scared that everyone always will compare me to her. Whether that be in a good or bad way I don’t want compared to her Jay. It’s not fair.” I stressed.

“I know, and I will do everything I can to make sure everyone knows that. Everything that happened is in the past and I just want to focus on you. On us. I don’t want you to be insecure in anyway because you truly are incredible.” He said brushing my hair behind my ear as I gave in leaning in to kiss him. I was thankful that Jay understood me. That he always made me feel like my insecurities were nonexistent, and that there was no reason for me to be compared to Erin.

[joetatoeheads]

Word Count: 6.5K

Warnings: I’m going, to be honest, I did not proofread this. There will spelling errors so I hope that doesn’t bother y’all too much

Masterlist

For years I have been alone. I was orphaned and then widowed. Never did I imagine a life like this.” Elisabeth stared at Jeff but he did not move an inch.

“I want nothing more than to make you feel safe,” confessed Jeff.

“I know that.”

“He will come for you. I know he will because I would go to war at the idea of marrying you.”

“I will fund this war,” assured Elisabeth.

“He will have allies that David does not. With his alliances, he will crush us.”

“No because this kingdom has me now. I will give the king and this kingdom whatever they need.”

Just the day before, Hal had declared war on King David and his kingdom. He claims it was because King David was rude to him and insulted him and the duchy. His advisors declared war thinking they could crush an unprepared kingdom and get new lands. Hal saw this as an opportunity to declare himself a king by conquest.

Unknowingly, Hal was alone. His allies refused to invade another kingdom especially because Elisabeth was a duchess and a premier lady in the court. Her money meant endless supplies for King David’s army except Hal never released the accounts held by the duchy to Elisabeth. She had access to her personal accounts and the one meant for her husband and herself. That left 500 million florins at his dispense, a big chunk of Elisabeth’s 3 billion fortune in anyone’s opinion.

“We have to go to David.”

Jeff grabbed Elisabeth’s hand as the two left their room and went straight to David and Natalie. David was having a meeting with a room full of people to discuss how to go along with this new war. It had been pointed out that David was a new king with only one ally, a very rich woman. He was refusing to marry the daughter of a powerful king and that was leading to more arguments because the king needed allies more than ever. His court and closest friends refused to marry giving David more allies and after pressuring Elisabeth and Jeff, he did not want it to happen again.

“I can give you more allies,” announced Elisabeth.

“And how do you plan on doing that? You are already married!”

“Let her speak,” said David.

“Promise my children to theirs.”

“Elisabeth-“

Elisabeth interrupted the king, “10 million florins for my future daughter’s dowry. My son’s inherit my fortune and it will be divided by the number of sons I have.”

“Are you sure?” asked Natalie.

“It will give the king allies and provide strength for my family. I only ask that I have final approval over my children’s future spouse.”

“What happens if you have no children?”

“What happens if you have all boys or all girls?”

“Others will just have to trust that I will have enough boys and girls. It will not be a definite promise but one with hope.”

“Jeff, what do you say?” asked David.

“I trust in my wife.”

“Then we get the message out. Their alliance for a marriage.”

Things were moving quickly. Jeff and Elisabeth held audiences for potential allies. The kingdom had taken up arms ready for an attack and with Elisabeth’s money they had all the supplies they needed. Marching half way to David’s kingdom, those left in the duchy had forsaken Hal as their duke and proclaimed his eldest son Edward, Duke of Nemours at the age of 5. The duchy was in anarchy. Some supported Hal, some Edward, and with time, a third faction had rose. Some were proclaiming Elisabeth to be the true ruler of Nemours despite only being the wife of a dead duke. With Hal and Edward being the last of the line, without them, the duchy would more than likely be proclaimed a republic in their death. As Elisabeth had been taught, democracies show monarchies they don’t need them to survive and other kingdoms could not allow a small duchy to threaten them in such a manner.

Elisabeth had no claim to Nemours but she did have a claim to her father’s kingdom. This small war between a new kingdom and small duchy was proving itself to be more than that. Soon the entire continent had joined for their own reasons.

“We have plans yet we both know the way things are going we will never fulfill them,” started Elisabeth.

“We already talked about this.”

“We have talked about us not having sex but we now how to talk about how we are promising children we aren’t even trying for.”

“You promised our children.”

“You agreed,” fought Elisabeth.

“I know I did but those were empty words because I knew we weren’t having sex.”

“We need children. We have been married over a year and now we are at war. It is serious now Jeff.”

“You want to have sex now?”

“Jeff I am begging you- “

“You shouldn’t have to beg for sex Elisabeth.”

“Not under these circumstances but that does not mean anything. Jeff do you not understand that this is a full war! Something this continent has not seen in centuries. Either we are the conqueror or the conquered.” Of course, Elisabeth was right.

He had no idea what he was doing in the grand scheme of things and neither did David. Elisabeth was the only one who really knew what it meant to be noble so her words were trusted more than anyone else’s in the room.

“I don’t want to be together like that, not because we married off our children before they were even born.”

“Did you know I was betrothed half a dozen times before I was married the first time?”

“You were?” asked Jeff.

“I was barely a day old before my father tried to secure a marriage to a crown prince of a nearby kingdom.”

“What happened?”

“He died from pneumonia a couple months later aged 8.”

“What about the other ones?” asked Jeff.

“I don’t remember all of them. The second one was his younger brother who died not soon after. The third was some rich lord from some random kingdom who wanted me for my money.”

“Why are you telling me this?”

“Betrothments don’t mean anything at such a young age. People die, people change their minds, and alliances shift all the time. Our children will be powerful,” argued Elisabeth.

“Powerful pawns,” clarified Jeff.

“Powerful players. Meet me in the middle Jeff.”

“Give me a day to think about this.”

“We don’t have a day when it comes to war.”

For years Elisabeth understood her first night with her husband would not be a pleasant or a joyous one. It was understood that women just lay there and let men do their job. When Jeff did not complete the bedding ceremony Elisabeth had not expected that. After their one-year anniversary he had still not touched her.

That night after their talk, Elisabeth and Jeff finally consummated their marriage it was one an embarrassing night and an awkward next morning. The pair avoided each other as much as possible until they had audiences with various nobility and royalty. Then came the King of Schleswig.

“What’s wrong?”

“He’s my father successor,” replied Elisabeth.

“King Richard of Schleswig!”

“Your Majesty.” Jeff and Elisabeth bowed since he was a king and they were not.

“Princess Elisabeth congratulations on your marriage. I was saddened to hear I did not get an invite.”

“Thank you, your majesty. The marriage was an intimate affair but King David planned a second grander wedding but the war hinged things.”

“Yes, well perhaps once this war is over, we can all celebrate.”

“And how is the queen?” asked Elisabeth.

“Well thank you. She is sorry she could not travel but under the circumstances she wants to assure you that she will try as soon as possible.”

“Thank you.” King Richard nodded and walked away joining the crowd of royalty and nobility.

“Why couldn’t his wife make it?” asked Jeff in a whisper.

“I think she just gave birth again.”

“And I’m guessing there were complications.”

“Queen Catherine has not been able to give the kingdom an heir in over ten years. If divorce was permitted, he would have ended the marriage a long time ago,” whispered Elisabeth as another noble came up to them.

As Duke and Duchess of Nemours, the two granted audiences on behalf of the king all day. David was preoccupied with details regarding the war that still in the midst of actually battling. Everyone had their armies ready but no one was ready to attack first.

Rumors spread that Hal and the Nemours army planned on starving out David’s kingdom so they would not be the reason to attack without a real purpose. His change meant that Hal was either weak or stupid because he originally planned on attacking so now everyone had to figure out what exactly this meant.

“I don’t understand how David can do this almost every day,” complained Jeff.

“It’s called being a king,” smiled Elisabeth.

“Do you know he is planning on naming Jason regent in his absence. In Jason’s absence Natalie will take over.”

“He didn’t offer you such a thing?”

“He will name his younger brother his successor in the document with me as his regent until his brother’s 21stbirthday,” explained Jeff.

“Should David die before.”

“Yes.”

“You know they are calling for me to become Duchess of Nemours.”

“David told me.”

“I have no claim but I was thinking neither do you.”

“Where are you going with this?” asked Jeff.

“If they don’t want Hal or his son then you should try to claim it.”

“As what? A commoner?”

“A duke with money and connections. I’m already being demanded by the people I would rather you take it then I,” explained Elisabeth.

“I cannot do that.”

“You will, with me by your side. I can give you anything you want.”

“What if I don’t want what you have to offer?” asked Jeff.

“Then think about your family, our family. We have to start thinking about everything now.”

“How well do you think others will accept me when I am a foreign invader?”

“In Nemours case, they are the ones invading. They brought this upon themselves,” assured Elisabeth.

“The act of one man does not reflect all the people,” fought Jeff.

“No, it does not but we are living in an age where one man does represent a mass of people. A war is coming Jeff and we must be the victors in all of this. We both know what happens to those who loose. My fortune will be gone and possibly our lives as well.”

Jeff thought about everything for a while and then nodded at Elisabeth, “I understand.”

“Please let’s go to bed.”

In an effort of distraction Elisabeth attempted to seduce her husband but her efforts failed. Jeff’s mind was somewhere else and their second time as a couple was no less awkward than the first time. Elisabeth prayed to whoever would answer her calls for a child. Even at a dangerous time like this, a child would fix a lot of things.

The next morning Jeff was out of it. His attention span was short, his wondering around the castle in an effort to leave his duties behind was successful. Elisabeth began the duties of the day without him and no one was prouder than David. Elisabeth’s diplomacy had gained him enough allies to avoid an invasion and secure himself as a powerful king with the right kind of allies.

“Princess Elisabeth if I could have a moment.”

“Yes, Your Majesty.”

The two went to a corner of the room filled with advisors, diplomats, and nobles hoping to get a second of privacy.

“I have been told that you and Jeff have finally begun… your… marital duties.” David was awkward.

“That is correct,” smiled Elisabeth. The ladies, Elisabeth had almost forgotten all about them. David gave her ladies and maids who she believed to be spies. Jeff, as her new husband was meant to replace them but because he did not know the protocol of the household, he seemed to have forgotten to be told. At least now her suspicion was confirmed.

“With these new alliances, I assume that is the reason for this new… thing.”

“You and I both understand the difficulties of war. An heir secures a kingdom with faith.”

“I want to thank you for everything you have done. God knows I might have faced an invasion sooner if it weren’t for you.”

“I wanted to tell you since you deserve to know, Nemours is facing anarchy- “

“I heard.”

“There a at least three factions emerging from the mess. One supporting Hal, one supporting his young son Edward, and the other calling for me to rule. No doubt another faction calling for a republic should come soon. I am pushing Jeff to declare himself Duke of Nemours by conquest should Hal attack.”

“I did not think Jeff would ever agree to that.”

“Jeff will do the right thing for his family.”

“Are you already- “

“No, but we are trying for children so it is expected,” interrupted Elisabeth.

The two were dragged away from each other for different reasons. David needed to talk to council members who were put together to deal with the upcoming war that wasn’t really a war. No one had attacked first so everything was simply pending.

Amongst talking with the wives of nobles and diplomats, Jeff reached for his wife and escorted her to another room. The room had few people in it but Jeff ushered them out.

“What are you doing?”

“Matt says he likes one of the girls.”

“What girls?”

“The daughter of some Lord… William… Winston, something with a W and he really likes her. We could push for a marriage; I know Matt would not completely deny a marriage with her.”

“Lord Westly?” asked Elisabeth.

“Yes that one!”

“What does she look like?”

“Blonde, sort of tall? Is he important?”

“Lord Westly Marlborough is the Minister of War for King Frederick of Weimar.”

“I don’t understand,” said Jeff.

“King Frederick has the largest kingdom in the continent. Weimar marries within the kingdom; they believe it taints the blood to marry foreigners. Rumor is all people who live there are all inbred.”

“So Matt can’t marry her?”

“More than likely no but she is the daughter of a lord, not a princess. They would want something big in return.”

“How do you know about this?”

“After the declaration of war, I thought it would be best to know everyone who would be against us and with us in this whole thing,” answered Elisabeth.

“Does David know?”

“No, but I was also looking at potential spouses for our children.”

“Do I tell Matt that it will never work out between them?” asked Jeff.

“I can tell him. Besides- “

The door busted open, “Your Highnesses! His Majesty request your presence in his private chambers.”

They could hear the yelling from far away. It wasn’t just David yelling, but several other people. It was the first time Elisabeth heard or saw him get angry. Jeff and Elisabeth entered an already packed room as Natalie saw them and rushed towards them.

“What is going on?” asked Jeff.

“They attacked. The Duke of Nemours and his army slaughtered over 300 families on the east. We were unprepared but most of the nobles have left and the diplomats are refusing to talk. I think David means to go to war by tomorrow morning.”

“Who will be leading everything?” asked Elisabeth.

“We are unprepared. This kingdom has never faced a war before. We are in over our heads.”

“Please tell me he has at least mobilized the army?”

“He has but not one person in the army has ever been in a war. How do you think that will work out?” asked Natalie.

“There you are!” Heath found his way to the three of them.

“We were wondering where you two were,” spoke Mariah.

“Please tell me you have some sort of plan,” begged Heath.

“Me?” asked Elisabeth.

“You are the only one who knows this type of stuff.”

“I have never experienced a war. There hasn’t been a war of this scale in centuries. I am no help.”

“What about our allies?”

“There has been no treaty, no real alliance so all it has been is talk… we are at war with no definite allies.” Elisabeth had freaked out towards the end. Saying this all out loud had changed something within her.

“Are you okay?”

An unexperienced army, clueless generals, no allies, and they were now at full blown war. There was no turning back in all this. Elisabeth rushed to David, “We tell everyone I am pregnant.”

“What are you talking about?”

“We announce formally that I am pregnant and… sell… my child to the highest bidder, in this case someone who will be a strong enough ally to help us through this. Betrothments are broken all the time or in a couple of weeks we can say I suffered a miscarriage.”

“You are serious?” asked David.

“We act now or we face being conquered within the next couple of days.”

“Jeff?” asked David.

“I agree with my wife.”

“Then we make a formal announcement of my heir and yours Jeff.”

The court filled with King David’s loyal subjects in the great hall in the middle of the night, all in their night clothes. David stood up in full regalia, a stark contrast to the more relaxed clothing of everyone in the room, and made his announcement.

“For years I have put off naming an heir, but tonight, under harsh circumstances, I shall formally declare my heir as my younger brother whom you all know lives away. But I also would like to announce that The Duke and Duchess of Lamberg are expecting their first child.”

The crowd went into applause with several diplomats coming up to the king. No doubt to secure a marriage with David, Jeff, and Elisabeth. Of course, Elisabeth had her eyes on someone else. The Duke of Kassel and the Duke of Waldeck. The two were brothers whose Duchy of Schwerin had been split between the two and only brothers by their father, the last Duke of Schwerin. They were neighboring dukedoms with good-sized populations and good relations. Their cousins were low lords but were powerful enough to give them a family who had resources.

Luckily Elisabeth saw the brothers and rushed to them first, “Your Serene Highnesses I am glad you two are still here,” smiled Elisabeth.

“This attack is very important to us both since our duchies lie on the west side of King David’s borders.”

“It is to my understanding that you have a son barely two years old,” smiled Elisabeth at The Duke of Waldeck.

“He is three actually,” corrected The Duke of Kassel.

“And a strong heir,” smiled The Duke of Waldeck.

“Perhaps we should talk about securing our borders as your family already knows all about that.”

The four talked, in reality three talked and Jeff listened and nodded at whatever his wife said. She knew what she was talking about but she did not secure her child’s marriage.

As the couple went back to bed Elisabeth explained that she did not want to give up her first-born daughter to a mere duke when her future daughter could become a queen and the kingdom of Weimar is what Elisabeth had her eyes set on.

Instead, her first born son and either of their dukes first born daughter would be betrothed. The Duke of Kassel was an aging bachelor and the Duke of Waldeck was married and his wife was expecting a second child any day now. It was the first alliance Elisabeth secured for the kingdom and her family.

“What happens when you are not pregnant?” asked Jeff.

“They will not know I could just be late giving birth. Besides we are trying for a child, we could already have one as we speak and not know it.”

Elisabeth gave Jeff a little smile as she walked up to him. Their first two nights had been embarrassing but Elisabeth would not let that get in the way of conceiving an heir. Like before, the entire act was awkward, but as Jeff came in her he whispered three little words into her ear that Elisabeth never expected.

“Are you going to say anything?” asked Jeff.

“I don’t know.”

“I didn’t mean for it to come out.”

“So you were hiding it?” asked Elisabeth.

“I knew you did not feel the same way.”

“I could. You never know.”

“The fact that you have not said it back, gives me my answer.”

“I’m sorry,” whispered Elisabeth.

“We could pretend it never happened,” suggested Jeff.

“Impossible. I will be thinking about it for days, weeks even.”

The two didn’t speak about it. Days turned into weeks and the two avoided each other as much as possible. War raged on with the trenches on the east side of the kingdom barely getting inches. Hal was losing men in the fields and support back home. About two months into the useless war, Hal finally lost his support and his son was claimed Duke of Nemours in a confirmation. Most men would abandon him, but he promised a conquered kingdom and riches, Elisabeth’s riches, with it.

But Elisabeth was in fact pregnant. The lie told at the beginning was now truth and the court could not be happier especially during such troubling times. Her money was funding the war and she now spent her time at the make shift hospitals where wounded soldiers came to. The women of court had stopped with the beautiful dresses and parties and dedicated their time and money to the war effort. It was a hideous sight staring upon dead and mauled men, but this was war.

Kingdoms rose up against others, civil war raged on in other parts of the continent. The world did nothing but watch thousands of men die because one man got his feelings hurt. At just over 2 months pregnant, Elisabeth held daily audiences with foreigners as King David and his men toured the front lines. Jeff had always gone with them and Elisabeth feared for his life. One stray bullet and she could find herself a widow again.

“Where is he? Do you think he’s okay?” asked Elisabeth.

“They should all be back within the hour. We had everything scheduled and they safety was at the top of the list,” assured Natalie.

“Maybe sitting down will calm you down,” suggested Mariah.

“It will only make me want to walk around more.”

“What would Jeff do?” asked Corinna.

“Where are you getting at?” asked Natalie.

“Well if Jeff was here, what would he do to calm you down?” asked Corinna to Natalie.

“I don’t know… tea?”

“Then we will get you tea and you can take a nap or something. All of this worrying is not good for the baby,” smiled Corinna.

The tea worked and after much convincing, Elisabeth was able to go to bed until she was woken up by Jeff. He was about to apologize until his half sleepy wife grabbed him into a tight hug. She wrapped herself around Jeff’s figure hoping to never let him go.

“Natalie was telling me that you were worried.”

“I thought you would die out there.”

“Thanks to you I am the third man of importance in this kingdom. I was protected by five different men today I would not have died out there.”

“I don’t want you to go out there anymore.”

“Your choking me a little,” coughed Jeff.

“Sorry!”

“I did not say I did not like it,” joked Jeff.

“I am not in the mood to laugh right now.”

“Why are you so upset?”

“I don’t want you to die! How hard is that to understand?” yelled Elisabeth.

“These feelings are new?”

“Well I am carrying your child, we are in the middle of war, and you confessed that you loved me. Of course I am worried for you.”

“Does that mean you love me back?” asked Jeff.

Elisabeth was taken back by the question, “I can’t answer that.”

“That is fine, but thank you for worrying me. I have not had that type of attention since I left home.”

“You don’t talk about home,” observed Elisabeth.

“I have a mother and father.”

“Do they know you are about to have a child of your own?”

“They do. They are very excited.”

“Why do you not talk about them?”

“I do. I just don’t talk very often about them.”

There was a small silence between them, “Please tell me you will not go back out there.”

“I have to. David says we have to be on top of everything and that means showing the people we appreciate them getting slaughtered all because one man wants some fame.”

“Even if we find peace with Hal this whole continent is in war. It will find us no matter what negotiations we make with whoever is willing to talk. Years of mistreatment and hatred have manifested itself into war because that is what it does. A simple dispute between two men brought in dozens of others,” explained Elisabeth.

“You’re scared,” observed Jeff.

“Of course I am Jeff is this baby is not making things any better.”

“I will ask David to not send me back there if it will make you feel better.”

“You can’t,” cried Elisabeth.

“If it will make you worry less, than I will make the effort.”

“The only thing that will make me worry less it this war being over. I am willing to sacrifice you for a couple of months or even a couple of years if it means that I will have you for the rest of my life.”

Jeff started to tear up at Elisabeth words. Though she had not said she had loved him back, Elisabeth had expressed feelings that Jeff did not know she had. The two went into a strong hug again as Elisabeth cried in his arms. Months of barely knowing each other, this child brought them together faster than they had expected.

“I am so tired.”

“Let’s just go to bed. We can talk again in the morning.”

The two talked things out and Jeff understood that as his wife grew more because of the pregnancy she would be needing more of his attention. David was more than accepting about Jeff stepping away and focusing on his wife but David was getting anxious with how things were going.

“How many?” asked David

“At least 10,000 Your Majesty.”

“How many are expected to die in the next year?”

“At least 5,000 more if the fighting continues on.”

“Might I make a suggestion,” interrupted Elisabeth.

“Go ahead Your Highness.”

“Hal is the focus of this whole thing. What if we take Hal out?”

“Please explain Princess Elisabeth.”

“Assassination and I can pay for it. Of course, the finger would be put on us but that does not mean anything if this war is over and no more people have to die,” explained Elisabeth.

David, trying to save as many lives as possible, was the first to object to it. When he was told that Hal’s death would save those lives, he reluctantly agreed. Elisabeth gladly gave her money and they waited.

After two weeks, the death of Henry, The Duke of Nemours was announced. The matters of his death were suspicious and his only child and son Edward was named the final Duke of Nemours. The war was not over but the eastern front was subdued for a time. The young boy now had to deal with the effects of war with some wanting to overthrow him, some wanting to continue the war, some wanting to go home to repair the damage the war had done, and he was still an orphan at the end of everything.

That was perhaps Elisabeth’s greatest regret in having a hand in Hal’s death. At about 6 months pregnant, Elisabeth heard about the death of the little Duke of Nemours. While Elisabeth was quick to mourn she was even quicker to get an army into Nemours and declare Jeff and her Duke and Duchess of Nemours.

“Will you look at me?”

“His body wasn’t even in the ground before you invaded.”

“I did what I had to do.”

“You did not have to declare us their rulers.”

“I understand you are angry but I am trying to build us a future. Living off of David is not what I want.”

“Living off of David? Is that what you think I am doing?” asked Jeff.

“Of course not! But Nemours was in anarchy, it was the closest thing I had to a home before you-“

“What did you say?”

“Nemours is in anarchy-“

“No the part about home,” interrupted Jeff again.

“You are my home?”

“That part.”

“I have said this before.”

“No you have not. You never said I was your home, you only told me that you cared and worried for me.”

“Then I felt it and I am sorry that I have not said it sooner. I guess I could not get my feelings out correctly.”

“You know you have described loving me in almost every way possible but have not said the words before.”

“It is just too soon.”

“We are married, we have a child on the way and you think it is too soon?”

“The first two things I expected. I was content with having to marry and having a child because that is what I was told to do. The love part, no one ever told me what do to about love. My mother died when I was young. The only ever woman I had been around was a 50-year-old spinster who knew nothing about love, let alone sex, and she just sent me off like a package! I am sorry that I cannot tell you I love you,” cried Elisabeth. She partly hated herself but understood it came with the many other problems of having children.

“I don’t want you to cry,” said Jeff.

“I’m sorry.”

“You don’t have to apologize for something like that,” smiled Jeff.

“I want to go lay down. I am exhausted.” That was another thing about having children. Elisabeth got easy and worked up about the littlest thing even faster.

“I will have someone bring you up some more blankets.”

“Why?”

“I know you get cold at night.”

“That is why I have you,” said Elisabeth.

“I will have a long night with David and the council so I won’t be with you tonight,” explained Jeff.

“I… okay. Please don’t be long.”

The warmth that night was not the same and Elisabeth had a hard time sleeping because of that. Although, sleeping while almost 7 months pregnant was rare. She was quite large for 7 months and she could hear the whispers of the court about how big she was. Jeff had always been quick to assure Elisabeth that none of that mattered.

During a meeting with some of the people from Nemours, Elisabeth had a sharp pain in her stomach, “Elisabeth what’s wrong.”

“Nothing just a kick,” smiled Elisabeth. Everyone payed no attention after that but Elisabeth felt little pain after that every couple of hours. She had no one to turn when the pain turned to fear. The court doctor was young and inexperienced for Elisabeth’s needs. No one in David’s court had children, and if they did they were older than David’s reign as king of the realm. Maids and ladies-in-waiting for young and unmarried so they could be of no help.

During one of her pains, Jason was the one to find her and rush towards her.

“Are you okay?”

“Something is wrong,” cried Elisabeth as she hunched over in pain.

“She’s in labor.”

Elisabeth could not look her but she could hear the sweet voice of an old woman, “Are you sure?” asked Jason.

“I know what labor pains look like Jason. Call for someone I will take care of her.”

Jason nodded and left running calling for help. Elisabeth finally had enough strength to look up and saw a int old woman smiling down at her, “I am Lorraine, Jason’s mom. Is this your first time?”

“Yes.”

“Can you walk now?” asked Lorraine.

“Yes.”

“Let’s get you on a bed, where is your room?”

With Lorraine by her side, the two were able to carefully walk to Elisabeth and Jeff’s room. Jason finally found Jeff with the rest of the boys and yelled something was wrong with Elisabeth. All of the boys freaked out and ran to where Elisabeth had first saw Jason and Lorraine. Jeff was the first to yell about where his pregnant wife was. David, eager to know as well called for the entire castle to be searched. No one had bothered to look in Elisabeth and Jeff’s bedroom until a page boy had entered the room with the task of getting a dress that Elisabeth had worn for the dogs to sniff.

The boy who had not even reached puberty started yelling at the top of his lungs and ran out of the room. Dozens of people came running into the room, “Please get them out!” yelled Elisabeth.

“Out! Everyone out!” yelled Jeff as he began pushing out random people, even his friends.

“I guess this is my queue to leave too,” smiled Lorraine.

“Wait! Could you stay close?”

“Of course.”

“Your Highness I am told that you are in labor. How long have you felt like this?”

“All day,” answered Elisabeth.

“How often.”

“Just once every couple of hours.”

“What is a couple to you?”

“Three or four, but I think they are getting closer.”

“You seem to be in labor,” assured the court doctor.

“I want another doctor in here.”

“I can assure you that I am more than capable- “

“No! I want another doctor in here or I will give birth myself.”

The man’s feelings were hurt, everyone could tell. Jeff left the room for a couple of minutes to sort out the upcoming details.

“She wants another doctor.”

“Jeff is that true?”

“Yes. Elisabeth is scared, I think she would prefer a much more experienced doctor.”

“I can try and find one in the nearby duchies but most doctors have left to the other battlefields. I doubt we can get anyone with enough times.”

David was able to find someone but they were still an hour out when Elisabeth was very close to giving birth. Her contractions were getting closer and Elisabeth and Jeff were both getting scared. Elisabeth was crying from both the pain and the thought of giving birth. No one could calm her and she was getting to the point of hysteria.

“Is there anything we can do?” asked David.

“Please just give us the room.”

Elisabeth was exhausted and she still had a ways to go, “I am so tired.”

“I know, I know.”

“It’s too early,” cried Elisabeth.

“Everything will be fine, okay?”

The other doctor barely had minutes before Elisabeth was already pushing. Four pushes and Elisabeth heard the cries of a baby and Jeff grabbed onto her for dear life.

“It’s a girl Your Highnesses!”

“You did so good!” smiled Jeff.

“Let me hold her, please let me hold her,” cried Elisabeth.

“Let me get her cleaned up Your Highness.”

“You did so good,” repeated Jeff.

“I am so tired,” said Elisabeth.

Jeff kissed her on the forehead, “I know. You can rest up once you hold her.”

Their little girl was quiet once she got cleaned up. She was wrapped in a blanket and handed to Jeff first. He held his daughter in his arms for a solid minute with the biggest smile on his face before handing his daughter off to her mother.

Elisabeth welcomed the little body right by her chest hearing the small coo’s her daughter was making, “I can’t believe she’s real.”

“You did amazing,” smiled Jeff as he kissed Elisabeth by her brow.

“I love you, I love you so much.”

Jeff thought Elisabeth was talking to their daughter, “And she loves you very much.”

Elisabeth took her eyes off her daughter in order to correct her husband, “Jeff, I love you… so much. We brought her into this world.”

Everyone was curious when they could see the little one and David was the one who peaked into the room to see Elisabeth and Jeff sleeping with their daughter near their bed. He closed the door as quietly as possible and had everyone dismissed.

Elisabeth woke up the next day to Jeff holding their daughter. Throughout the night Elisabeth was feeding their daughter so Jeff wanted to make sure she had enough rest as possible. She spent some time just looking at them.

“We should think of a name.”

“Got any yet?” asked Jeff.

“I already had one in mind.”

“What is it?”

“Mathilde. It is another form of my mother’s name.”

Jeff paused a second, “I just released that I do not know your parents’ names.”

“Edwin and Mathilda. My mother’s name goes back over 5 generations of Matilda’s. It was supposed to past eldest daughter to eldest daughter but I was named after my father’s mother Queen Elisabeth. She had died giving birth to my father.”

“I don’t even know why my parents chose my name.”

“You should ask them when we invite them to meet their granddaughter.”

“David said he sent for them once we knew you were in labor. They live far away so it may be some time before you get to meet them. Is that normal?”

“For me, yes. Sometimes people would get married by proxy so they never laid eyes on each other before they married. It was quiet common in royalty hundred years ago to never meet your spouse before you consummated your marriage,” explained Elisabeth.

“So what we had was unique?” asked Jeff.

“Yes. Our entire relationship is unique.”

“I think she may be hungry.”

Elisabeth fed her daughter from her breast in embarrassment at the idea of Jeff watching her. The two looked at each other hearing the little noises from their daughter’s mouth and gave each other a small nod. It was sight that Jeff never saw coming.

[cupidmarwani-archive]

(7/13)

During Ethan’s brief stay in the infirmary just to make sure he wasn’t concussed or anything of the sort by the strike, he tells Sarah that it was the eldest of the princesses from Jenia who came to the wedding. She ordered him to fetch her a new cocktail, and he tried to explain that he was a guard. So she hit him in the face with a plate. It was one of her younger sisters that struck him last night. As much as Sarah wants to believe that Ava is different, it’s hard to know when these are the people who raised her. Who’s to say she won’t turn the rage she gave the reception onto the guards, or the servants. God forbid she lay a hand on Natalie, who would never dream of defending herself.

Their first breakfast as wives is an awkward affair. Ava needs to be led to the dining room, unfamiliar with the palace, and no one will speak to her because of last night’s outburst. She’s less dressy now, wearing a fairly plain gown and flats, no makeup on and her hair braided loose, but there’s no questioning her newly earned status with the tiara she wears still. 

Sarah can’t forget Ethan’s presence behind her. Ava’s family hurt him, and Sarah has a responsibility to protect her people and staff from things like that. Not only has she failed him, but there’s one of them here permanently, and she can’t shake this fear of Ava hurting those she cares about.

“You have a press meeting after lunch,” she says, nodding toward Ava’s fairly barren schedule. “They’ll want to talk about the wedding and what sort of policies you hope to put into place as their princess and future queen. The tutors will help you with that before you go on.”

“They’re going to ask about the reception.”

“Who’s fault is that, Ava?”

Suddenly deciding to remind everyone he’s here, Sarah’s father coughs for almost a minute straight. They all just watch. No one rushes to help him anymore, knowing there’s nothing to be done. And Sarah, well, as far as she’s concerned, the sooner he dies, the better.

Her own day is much more busy. She needs to meet with a Jenian ambassador to finalize the treaty built on this marriage. Both herself and Ava need to be fitted for their crowns. She has a foreign policy class, and a PR engagement in the city with the school in the low income district. She’d rather spend the day checking on the workers to see if anyone else fell victim to the rage of the Bekker family, but duty calls louder and she has no choice. 

“I won’t be around much today. But if I find out that you laid so much as a finger on any of my people-”

“I wouldn’t hurt them.”

Ava looks so sincere, and Sarah really does want to believe her, but she simply can’t. Not with all that’s happened.  She chooses not to respond at all, instead finishing her breakfast so she can attend to her schedule and know that Natalie and Ethan are safe, far away from Ava and not in danger of getting hurt worse than they already have. Part of her feels guilty for not even being able to look at Ethan’s face without wincing right now. She didn’t protect him. She can’t protect him.

As the two of them leave, off to go handle the treaty, Ethan rests a hand on her shoulder. “I don’t blame you,” he says. “This isn’t your fault.”

“Whose is it?”

He doesn’t have an answer to that, nor does he have a response when the ambassador makes a snide comment about what he must have done to earn the abuse. Sarah wonders sometimes how he’s so poised in the face of such comments. The treaty gets signed, and she carries on with her day, but all she can think about are his bruises and how dismissive the Jenians are. Would Ava ever hit her? She wants to think no, but she honestly barely knows her wife and it’s always a possibility.

That doesn’t turn out to be anywhere near as big an issue as Ava’s press statement, because despite allegedly being prepped beforehand, she makes an absolute mess on camera. She says she’s never thought about any policy. She says she doesn’t understand economics. She redirects every conversation back to clothes. She gets aggressive when asked about last night’s outburst. All in all, it just makes her, her kingdom, and Sarah look terrible.

“No more solo conferences,” Sarah tells her assistant when they’re on their way to the school. “Ava never goes on camera alone again. Whenever she’s needed, I have to be there too.”

Notes are made. A prewritten speech is read. Sarah reads a picture book to the children who look like they haven’t eaten in days but isn’t permitted to offer them food even though she so easily could. The day somehow feels like even more of a waste than those she spent planning the God-forsaken wedding, and to top it all off, Ethan has to go off duty halfway through the day because the pain is so bad he needs to go to the infirmary for painkillers, which then put him out of commission until they wear off. She hates the way her world has changed.

Worst of all, perhaps, when she gets back to her room after a dinner with a few members of parliament, Ava and her tailor are sitting on the bed, passing a blunt back and forth lazily. Ava’s crying. The tailor is talking about Ethan. They both freeze when she comes in, however, and the tailor puts out the smoke on his shoe before leaving, head down.

“Sarah,” Ava whines. She hikes up her dress. “Come here.”

“I’m not having sex with you again, especially when you’re high.”

“But you have to! I’m your wife…”

She doesn’t even dignify that with a response. Their marriage doesn’t mean anything, and even if it did, she doesn’t owe Ava sex. The most she owes her is protecting her from the press moving forward. And she definitely doesn’t owe her the right to smoke up their room, so she’ll be putting a note out in the morning not to let Ava have access to anything that could get her high. Sarah carefully picks up a weepy and clingy Ava, carries her to the ensuite, and sits her at the bottom of the shower before turning on the water. Lukewarm, so as not to freeze her but not to be comfortable either.

“Get up when you’re sober,” she says firmly, and turns on heel to go back to bed, her bed.

And if she can’t free herself from the memories of what it felt like to actually have sex with Ava, she doesn’t remember it come morning.

@bipeteypie​ @one-chicago-hell​ @bookreader525​ @sarahreeese​ @sextonsharpwinhalstead​ @isthiswhatshameis​ @jorgerules​

[shefightslikeagirl]

CORSETS AND STRIPED STOCKINGS: OUTFITTING THE ASYLUM FOR WAYWARD VICTORIAN GIRLS by She Fights Like A Girl

These articles are best viewed on desktop, but are mobile friendly. Please excuse any strange formatting on your phone browser or the Tumblr app.

This article was longer than intended and image-heavy, so it’s been split into two parts.

PART V: AN ASYLUM MUSICAL

“And if I end up with blood on my hands, Well, I know that you’ll understand ‘Cause I fight like a girl.” - Fight Like A Girl (2014)

And now we're back to the relatively recent past, when this blog was in its infancy and the fandom couldn't decide whether to stick with the forum or run rampant on Tumblr. Fight Like A Girl (the album) was still being recorded, but Emilie did a few live dates Down Under and decided to feature the title song from the unfinished album.

To my understanding, the Harvest Festival was another one of those concerts where the show was considerably downsized because of the cost of shipping props and set pieces. But where the South American tours hadn’t pulled back in the wardrobe department, the Harvest festival did. Emilie and the Crumpets performed in one costume for the entire set. But to make up for the lack of glam, EA debuted the first costume of the FLAG era.

This costume was worn for the cover art of Fight Like A Girl, and acted as the signature corset for the very first Fight Like A Girl World Tour (2012). 

“Asylum Secrets: All of my costumes over the years have been made to look as though someone had been murdered in them and come back from the dead to enact a fabulous revenge. To achieve this, I have employed techniques from melting fabrics with an industrial strength heat gun to spraying them with solutions that no human should ever breathe. In the case of the corset pictured, I burned it mercilessly with sticks of incense before painting the fabric to make it look moth-eaten.” - EA on the creation of the FLAG corset (June 25, 2018)

Speaking of the 2012 FLAG World Tour! While there were a lot of changes from The Door Tour and Harvest Festival, this tour is probably best remembered as a transition phase between eras. There were new costumes, but… the Rat Queen still introduced the show with 4 o’Clock. There were new set dressings, but… the shadow scrim was still main stage center. The new corset was mixed in with the Rat Queen ensemble and the structure of the show hadn’t changed terribly. New, but… kinda not?

Except for that Warrior Mohawk, of course.

Upper: WVC content / eBay listing photo. Lower: Making of the Warrior Mohawk from Emilie’s Flickr account.

This is the only tour where Emile wore a mohawk for the entirety(-slash-majority) of the show. Later concerts would see her removing it after the third song. There was some slight skepticism in the fandom with its debut, sparking discourse about everything from cultural appropriation to thematic relevance, but EA didn’t make much comment on the criticism.

“[The Warrior Mohawk] signified the transformation from victim to warrior. I feel that it is important for me to let go in order that I may go on to transform yet again and create new bits of wearable magic to surprise you with... This headpiece symbolized the birth of a new era in the Asylum…. This is the headdress of a tribal Queen…” - EA, 2012 eBay auction description.

“The Mohawk headdress represents the tribal, wild element of the sisterhood that formed during the imprisonment of the inmates, and shows that, once we escape and are on the rampage to take down our oppressors, we have indeed transformed from individual, helpless victims into a strong and beautifully terrifying tribal warriors.”  - EA for Natalie’s World, 2013 (x) (x)

Another costume that debuted on this tour was the MC of the Ophelia Gallery, who had his own brand-new number: Girls! Girls! Girls!

And as for its history...

(My best guess is that this photo originated in 2009, based on her hair.)

This character is a hint at the structure of the tour (and album) to come, where it would be less about the mad girls existing inside the Asylum and more about the story of how they got there, and what happened once they were interned. Allow me to stray from the costuming topic for just a moment…

A TANGENT: OF STAGE SHOWS AND ASYLUM CONTINUITY Spoiler filled ramblings of a long-time fan.

I’ve got a running theory that The Asylum for Wayward Victorian Girls, in all its forms, runs in parallel to the concerts. But they match each other in reverse. [Spoilers for the book to follow.]

Emilie’s first concert of the Opheliac brand was in a small venue in Chicago, alongside Lady Joo Hee. In The Asylum… book, Emily-with-a-y’s final days in the Asylum were spent with Sachiko (a character based on and formerly named Joo Hee). 

The Opheliac shows of 2007-2011 were all about the women in an Asylum singing songs and welcoming others home. Cannibals, ballerinas, pyrate captains, nymphomanics -- they all ran rampant with no apparent oversight except from Emilie herself. Rats crept and crawled onstage unbothered; toys, crumpets, and cupcakes were in abundance, often served alongside “tea,” and there isn’t a single cell door in sight.

Especially in the earliest days of the concerts, the set design had an emphasis on appearing hand-made -- not only because it was, but because it should be for these girls. This was the world EA branded for herself: a world of freedom, without judgement, earned by their own hands.

In The Asylum… book, after the Inmates take over and kill the doctors, this is very much what they do: impersonate medical professionals and welcome sick and not-so-sick girls home to protect them, nurture them, and give them the best life that the Victorian Age fails to do. They take over the Asylum and make it their own.

Then in the FLAG performances (2012-2014), the storytelling shifts. EA’s Asylum world is no longer loosely themed with inmates running amok, but adheres to a more rigid storytelling structure, detailing the struggles and despair of the girls locked up in The Asylum(-with-a-capital-T). It mirrors the bulk of the content in The Asylum… book. The carefree, whimsical stage dressings shift to bars -- a representation of the cells and gates in The Asylum. There might be a bear tied to a dreary grey harpsichord; you might even see a single rat scratching about. But they don’t have dominion here. There’s no freedom. Just the story of the girls trapped behind the bars.

And now we’re stalled on both sides of the street. We’ve met in the middle. The concerts started at the end of the book, and ended at the beginning. 

Ok, I’ll put my soapbox away. Let’s get back on track.

BACK TO BUSINESS

Where were we?

Oh, yes: Girls! Girls! Girls! and new costumes.

So let’s jump forward a little more, because there isn’t much else to say about Emilie’s costume style in the 2012 FLAG World Tour. Moving on to the 2013 Fight Like A Girl: North American Tour (and following European and Australian tours), a brand new show was brought to the stage. Full new stage set-up, new costumes, and a full new setlist. 

A costume I’ll be referring to as the “armored corset” replaced the moth-eaten FLAG ensemble in the opening number. Both Maggots and Veronica were given new costumes as well, replacing the costumes they had worn for years. 

Armored Corset, with varying amounts of sparkled (2013)

Maggie Lally; Captain Maggot / Captain Maggots

Veronica Varlow; The Naughty Veronica

The show design of this tour had Emilie in the armored corset with the mohawk for the two opening numbers, Fight Like A Girl and Time for Tea. The mohawk and the armored plates on her chest and hip were removed during the 4 o’Clock Reprise, leaving her without her armor for What Will I Remember? as the narrative moves back to the beginning of the story, before the “Uprising.”

On the subject of the corset: structurally, it was outfitted with snaps to attach the armor and allow for easy removal (see corset detail above, bottom right). The mohawk proved a more difficult challenge to remove, as it was securely clipped, pinned, and secured into EA’s hair. This ended up being corrected in the redesign that produced Mohawk 2.0.

Back to the show! By the time we get to Veronica’s Dominant fan dance, EA has removed the armor corset completely in the interim to prepare for the Girls! Girls! Girls! costume change. After Scavenger, the entire cast changes into Asylum Inmate Rags to perform Gaslight and The Key, and then changes back into full costume for the finale. Emilie wears the full FLAG ensemble from previous tours to close out the show, with varying headdresses. 

But I’m skipping over something important.

The Scavenger.

Inspired by Jim Henson’s The Dark Crystal, The Scavenger, a vulture-esque representation of Dr. Greavsely, appeared onstage for Scavenger. 

“This is the start of the original costume @maggotmagpie wears in our show, the one Greavesly wears in #AsylumMusical will be bonkers…” - EA on the Scavenger (February 7, 2016)

EA on Twitter/Twitpic 2012 (x)

The Scavenger was usually worn by Maggots as part of a stilt-walking performance, but if the venue couldn’t or wouldn’t allow for stunts onstage, Emilie would appear alone in the costume for the number. 

Scavenger has plenty of different “shows” (A show, B show, and C show for my theme park friends), with “A Show” being Captain Maggot on stilts.

Note: The Atlanta show featured here is a bit strange, as it uses the Stage Screen and the Asylum Bars during a tour that doesn’t feature the former. Emilie also isn’t in the normal costume for this number, using a personal scarf to cover her bloomers and bra.

“B Show” would be Emilie performing as the Scavenger, due to venue restrictions. This was actually the way Scavenger debuted, until Maggot’s first performance later in the tour. (See pictures and even more info here.)

“C Show” would be Moth’s performance in the final set of Fight Like A Girl tours, as seen below:

(There’s also “D Show,” (ha) which is this random dude performing as The Scavenger. I’ve yet to figure this out, but my guess is it was a technician stepping in at the last moment or a friend of EA from Oakland.)

Last, but not least, are the Asylum Rags. You’d think there wouldn’t be much to say here, but there is. Click on the continue link below to learn more about tattered costumes and the rest of the FLAG era, because Tumblr only allows 10 pictures per post.

CLICK HERE TO CONTINUE.

Fly back… PART I: Enchant and the Faerie Queene PART II: Drowning Ophelia PART III: Vecona, Seamstress of the Asylum PART IV: Wayward Victorian Girls

Remember to visit Part III and enter our giveaway! Ends 12/1/19.

[SEE ALL CREDITS AND SOURCES HERE.]

[fandom-queenliness]

*Spoilers* Oni-Chan

Why just why. I have so many issues with this so I’m doing it how anyone would. A full-length essay dissecting everything I can from the subtitles. 

Be aware, I am not very pro-Love Square, and have a large number of problems with the shows writing/Adrien and his Nice Guy/Passive behaviour in general. 

Essay/salt incoming, you have been warned. Read at your own peril. 

For context, in previous episodes, Adrien has had little to no problem with Lila lying and has even gone out of his way so that she may continue lying. Kagami had about zero romantic interest in Adrien upon her first appearance in Riposte, which is, in my opinion, her truest representation. Marinette has been told to not be so jealous of Adrien multiple times, but the narrative has made it clear she has no control of her feelings when it comes to him. All of Adrien’s love interests (Chloe, Kagami, Lila, Marinette) generally all hate each other, are vindictive, cruel, petty and jealous. Adrien does literally nothing to stop them. 

First of all, they expect us to believe that Kagami is in love with the limp noddle that is Adrien? Get out. Just get out. In Riposte, I believe she had about no interest in him. She came here to fence and by gods was she going to fence. But Nooooooooo, Adrien just had to have another love interest, and no girl can be without someone to make her complete. What utter bullshit. I am so mad right now. 

Second, I’m glad that he’s finally taking a stand against Lila (though, still in a passive way. I’ll take what I can get). He’s cut her off, he’s yelled at her, scolded her. Now we just need him helping Mari taking her down, acknowledging his flaws, trying to improve himself, all while learning about boundaries and taking no for an answer. What a wonderful development of his character, Adrien salt is non-existent, the show is saved, the love square is trending. Oh wait, it is physically impossible for the writers to have Adrien improve because “he’s already perfect”. Ugh. 

Third, what a shitty reason to get akumatised. (I love Kagami btw). I mean, yeah, she can be mad, but really, over a guy. A guy who has already stated he likes another girl. (Chat had a good point, Lila and Kagami should have had Adrien’s input on his feelings instead of a game of tag around the city, but honestly does Chat even think of LB’s feelings? Does anyone, ever? A post for another day). But really a better reason could have been Kagami learning of Lila’s lying and Adrien’s passive-fucking-ness and how poorly it has affected Marinette, who Kagami was open to building a friendship with in Riposte. She could have learned what happened and felt betrayed because Adrien was not who she thought he was, and she becomes akumatised to seek revenge for Marinette and to confront Adrien without him being pulled away by his schedule. Bam we have character development and Adrien getting called out on his flaws, plus Marinette has someone standing up for her. So much better immediately. (Sidenote: Kagami’s whole speech about Adrien sucked ass I can’t believe a word of it. Just more of Astruc pushing perfect sunshine boy upon us.) 

Fourth, honestly fuck how Marinette behaved in the first half. I love my girl, she is awesome, but I am tired of her being so over the top and possessive of Adrien. Like, we get it, she likes him, but no girl - especially no girl who is as mature as the narrative is portraying her as - is going to stalk her crush and a girl all the way to his house. She has been told/told herself to stop being jealous in multiple episodes, but it’s undone by the next. Fuck that. Also, let her have some character outside of Adrien because honestly, I am sick and tired of him and how Marinette is made to act around him. So much of her development is around him and it’s not a good message for the age demographic this show is targeted at. It’s just terrible honestly. 

Fifth, KAGAMI CUT DOWN A TREE AND IT WAS AWESOME. SHE’S SO STRONG, I LOVE HER. *Swoons* 

Sixth, Lila had some good lies. Fucking finally. It was about time. I was worried she was incapable. And some back story on her? Wonderful, personally I can’t find an absent mother as a good excuse because the mother clearly loves her dearly but it’s nice, nonetheless. And Lila manipulating Oni-Chan? Great, just so glad that I can actually start seeing her as a threat to something other than the Love Square in canon. And that bit where Gabriel was clearly seeing her as a weapon/ally was like water in a desert, the plot is moving, hussah. God it was refreshing but we all know it won’t last. C’est la vie. 

Seventh, loved the fireman thing. Him helping Mari and LB? Adorable. Hated the reason why he helped Marinette, but it was cute how he comforted her. (Honestly I kinda wanted him to tell Mari if this guy was bothering her so much maybe she should let him go. Idk I’m just so fucking tired man). He can be added to the Marinette protection squad I love how he’s all about the safety. 

Eight, notice how Chat was whining about how no one fights over him. Are we really going there? Really. I just, Jesus. The boy is a model, famous, rich, and has girls and guys fawning over him as Adrien enough, which he clearly does not appreciate. Does he really want that as Chat, or does he just girls he can use to make Ladybug jealous, like dolls to be discarded when he is done? A question for another day. 

Ninth, Tikki finally gives Marinette some good advice but it’s too late and I’m already cringing over the whole trash bin thing. I just—*sigh* 

Tenth, Kagami’s costume? Hurts my eyes. The potential was there but it was wasted. I’m so sorry that Hawkbitch forced my girl to wear that. My poor sword lesbian. 

Eleventh, Adrien continues to be a passive bitch, letting Lila sneak around him room, ignoring Plagg’s warnings, and only getting truly upset when Lila manipulated him into leaving LB. I’m mad about that too, because like, sure he thought she was hurt, but couldn’t he have just set her down on a rooftop somewhere safe instead of the whole hospital bit? Btw, I love fireman guy seeing through Lila’s shit. “This is what you get for now wearing kneepads”. He is so concerned for safety. My boy. 

Twelfth, LB using Oni-Chan’s powers against her was beautiful. We stan a queen. So smart, so brave, I love her. 

Thirteenth, they really made Kagami idolise that fucking rose Adrien gave her. The rose Adrien originally gave LB, the rose he gave her before asking her out on a terrible date. The terrible date where he invited another girl, payed more attention to said other girl, and then made it clear to Kagami that he was using her as a rebound and he was still not over the girl who rejected him. They are really trying to make us believe Kagami the Queen loves this guy? Really? 

Fourteenth, the horn was hilarious. I wish she was stuck with it. Or at least LB video Lila lying and her horn growing. It was a beautiful thing. 

Fifteen I don’t get the whole “Chat ignores the Bien-Joué from LB to help Kagami up is Bad and Terrible”. Like, I hate the implications and subtext behind it. And the way LB deflated over it. It was unnecessary and jsut there to stir up trouble. Just… fuck that. 

Sixteenth, LB abandoning Lila to walk home was wonderful. I wish Mari was allowed to be like that outside of the mask and not get demonised for it. 

Seventeenth, Alya asking Mari why she’s not “keeping an eye” on Adrien and Lila and Marinette saying she “trusts” Adrien with Lila is weird for me. Cause it’s like she was saying it like she was Adrien’s girlfriend and was trusting him not to cheat. It was like she was already laying claim to a guy that she can barely talk to. In fact, they didn’t talk at all in this ep. Mari and Juleka had more exchanges than her and Adrien. Pshh. 

Eighteenth, Gabriel is a piece of shit. Not letting his son have friends. No wonder he’s like this. Plus making a deal with the bitch who feels so entitled to Adrien is a dick move. Fuck Gabriel and his candy cane tie. 

Nineteenth, Lila manipulated Natalie. What the shit. I’m impressed. I’m loving this whole thing. I’m really excited for Lila working with Hawkbitch. It’s going to be either really good or bad as shit. I am worried for Adrien. Just because I don’t like how he’s being portrayed doesn’t mean he should suffer at the hands of Lila. Also her mirroring Gabriel’s want to shield his son is kinda creepy and possessive. Ew. 

Twenty, Adrien: “Lila, you can count on me, unless you hurt the people I love”. Um, how about Marinette? I get you don’t love her romantically but what about your good friend??? Or do you just not care about her?? Throwback to Chameleon where Adrien decided keeping Lila from being akumatised mattered less than the truth and Marinette’s feelings. Yeah, he’s such a great role model and such a wise choice for a love interest. 

As you can see from the evidence, this episode sucked. Kagami and Marinette deserve better (preferably each other) and not the limp blond pasta sucker that is Adrien Agreste. Very sorry if you’re feeling offended by this post, feel free to rant and complain about it and me. 

[cinema-tv-etc]

‘Game Of Thrones’ Built Up Its Female Characters Just To Watch Them Fall

The women we championed for nearly a decade suffered confusing character shifts in the final season.

By Leigh Blickley   05/14/2019

Bells continuously chime as Daenerys Targaryen (Emilia Clarke), sitting atop her fire-breathing dragon Drogon, stares out at King’s Landing. She’s enraged, having recently watched Queen Cersei Lannister (Lena Headey) order the execution of her best friend, Missandei (Nathalie Emmanuel), shortly after her dragon-child Rhaegal was speared to death.

Before facing those losses, Dany fought the army of the dead, held her adviser Jorah Mormont (Iain Glen) as he took his last breath and discovered that her new love, Jon Snow (Kit Harington), was actually her nephew, the true heir to the Iron Throne. At this particular moment, she’s unhinged. And bells are ringing.  And ringing, and ringing.

With the Red Keep in sight, Dany snarls as she decides to forgo everything she’s become in favor of an old Targaryen tactic: “Burn them all.” She goes full villain in the penultimate episode of “Game of Thrones,” scorching enemies and innocents alike as she surrenders to madness.

Yet many viewers saw little forewarning that a character twist of this magnitude was coming, and her erratic change of heart was a punch to the gut. Instead of the satisfying conclusion of a long descent to depravity, Dany suddenly shifts modes, from a woman who graciously earned loyalty over seven seasons to a power-hungry monster who murders thousands of men, women and children.

Sure, she wasn’t always perfect, but the Daenerys Targaryen we knew was the fearless Mother of Dragons. She was Khaleesi, who united the Dothraki after the death of Khal Drogo (Jason Momoa), later rallying them to fight for her claim to the Seven Kingdoms. She was Mhysa, who freed the Unsullied and was lifted up by the slaves of Mereen. Dany rose from the ashes to break chains and then risked everything to protect Jon and the North from the Night King’s army.

To see a woman so fully represented over 70 hours of television, especially in a fantasy epic, was groundbreaking. But, with a final season of just six episodes, showrunners David Benioff and Dan Weiss decided that a couple of scenes were enough to turn the unburnt beauty bad ― and essentially muddied her yearslong journey.

The “Game of Thrones” audience had devoted so much time to Dany, and other characters, only to now watch Benioff and Weiss hurry along the ending (and move on to their “Star Wars” trilogy). Why couldn’t they, after spending nearly two years crafting the final season, show us Dany’s slow decline into madness? Why do we have to watch “Inside the Episode” to figure it all out?

Surely George R.R. Martin, who wrote the unfinished “Song of Ice and Fire” book series on which the HBO show is based, told Benioff and Weiss where he wanted the storyline to go: “Mad Queen” Dany destroys King’s Landing, demonstrating that humanity, not necessarily the dead, is the true enemy. The thing is, the showrunners decided to shorten the final two seasons of “Game of Thrones,” to seven and six episodes respectively, and rush through key plot points to reach Martin’s goal. And it’s turned into a bit of a nonsensical mess.

Sure, make Dany evil ― women can be monsters, too. We’ve certainly seen glimpses of her “madness” in the past, whether it be callously watching as her brother Viserys (Harry Lloyd) is killed by Khal Drogo in Season 1 or perhaps prematurely burning alive the father and brother of Samwell Tarly (John Bradley) in Season 7.

But whereas, lately, the show tells us what to think, the books present Dany’s inner monologue. Readers can see how she fights to shake her violent family history as not only her actions but her wide-ranging relationships with siblings, friends and lovers are described.

From “A Storm of Swords”:

“I was alone for a long time, Jorah. All alone but for my brother. I was such a small scared thing. Viserys should have protected me, but instead he hurt me and scared me worse. He shouldn’t have done that. He wasn’t just my brother, he was my king. Why do the gods make kings and queens, if not to protect the ones who can’t protect themselves?”

“Some kings make themselves. Robert did.”

“He was no true king,” Dany said scornfully. “He did no justice. Justice ... that’s what kings are for.”

Ser Jorah had no answer. He only smiled, and touched her hair, so lightly. It was enough.

Although “Game of Thrones” used to give us more context around characters and their decision-making, once it passed the books’ timeline in Season 6, the series faltered a bit in terms of depth. It didn’t show us the intricacies of Dany’s small council, her romance with Jon or her friendship with Missandei, who is only a young girl in Martin’s novels. Perhaps if we saw the show’s version of Dany and Missandei have a meaningful conversation about fear or loneliness ― versus men and sex ― we would have understood Dany’s underlying fragility and why Missandei’s murder triggered a rage within her. Instead, we saw the one woman of color become a plot device to turn Dany, as well as her own lover Grey Worm (Jacob Anderson), to the dark side.

That’s all to say that the recent rushed storylines have prevented us from getting that nuance we previously used to connect the dots.

The same flaw also hurts other women on “Game of Thrones,” including Cersei, Brienne of Tarth (Gwendoline Christie) and Arya Stark (Maisie Williams).

Brienne is one of the strongest warriors in Westeros. She killed Stannis Baratheon (Stephen Dillane) and took down the 6-foot-6 Hound (Rory McCann) ― with a few solid punches, might we add. Yet she turned into a puddle of mush when Jaime Lannister (Nikolaj Coster-Waldau) left her for Cersei ― something she would’ve never done three seasons ago. In one sense, it’s wonderful to see a vulnerable woman on screen. But Brienne ― who is rarely shown out of armor ― sobbing in a nightgown came out of left field. (Love makes us do crazy things?)

And Cersei was so shocked and afraid to meet her rubbly end during Episode 5, Season 8, that it’s easy to forget she once told Ned Stark (Sean Bean): “In the game of thrones, you win or you die.” The ruthless Cersei we’ve studied over eight seasons, the most cunning of the cunning, would’ve known to flee the city when she saw dragon fire (especially if she wanted to protect her unborn child). Or she would’ve at least had another plan in case those scorpion artillery weapons didn’t work out.

We’re not watching the most adventurous show in the world for uninventive writing. Yet here we are.

During the most recent episode, The Hound easily convinces Arya to go home and forget about killing Cersei. She hugs him goodbye, gives up on Cersei and tries to make it safely out of King’s Landing.

Eh, what? We’ve watched Arya train for years to become an assassin. She just destroyed the Night King with a stab of a dagger! She doesn’t fear death! She just traveled weeks to get to the capital for one sole purpose: to murder the woman who betrayed her family.

Too-fast, terribly thought-out writing has reduced “Game of Thrones” to a soap opera. We miss the scenes where Dany argues the advice of Ser Barristan Selmy (Ian McElhinney). Or when Arya secretly soaks up intel from Tywin Lannister (Charles Dance). Or how about when Sansa Stark feeds her abusive husband Ramsay (Iwan Rheon) to his own hounds?

Now we see a half-baked “Mad Queen” and a woman like Sansa crediting sexual violence, not her own strength, for making her a power player in Westeros.

THE HOUND: None of it would’ve happened if you left King’s Landing with me. No Littlefinger. No Ramsay. None of it.

SANSA: Without Littlefinger and Ramsay, and the rest, I would’ve stayed a little bird all my life.

It’s that bad.

Riddle me this: Why does a show featuring four leading ladies have barely any female writers? (Bonus: Michelle MacLaren was the only female director brought on to helm episodes, the last of which aired in 2014.) Although Gursimran Sandhu is credited as a staff writer for Season 8 on IMDb, only two other women, Jane Espenson and Vanessa Taylor, wrote for the series, with both of their runs ending by 2013. That, my little birds, is the root of a very big, now unfixable problem.

Espenson helped craft scenes like the aforementioned death of Viserys, and Taylor had a say in that memorable lunch between Sansa, Margaery (Natalie Dormer) and Olenna (Diana Rigg) as well as Arya and The Hound’s Brotherhood Without Banners meetup. Those back-and-forths soar in comparison to Season 8’s Sansa-Dany stares or Cersei’s unexplained cowardice.

Clearly, Sandhu couldn’t have singlehandedly saved the final season, but other women’s voices in the writers’ room might have provided more perspective into these characters’ closing motivations.

Still, Martin created these women, and Benioff and Weiss have shown they can write strong dialogue for them on this show. It just feels like the latter two’s desire to be in a galaxy far, far away perhaps trumped their desire to give these ladies what they deserve: earned arcs.

RELATED COVERAGE

‘Game Of Thrones’ Fans Had A Lot Of Feelings About Daenerys’ Fiery Choice

The ‘Game Of Thrones’ Season 8 Premiere Was Good. But Why Wasn’t It Great?

Why That Daenerys Twist On ‘Game Of Thrones’ Burns So Badly

https://www.huffpost.com/entry/game-of-thrones-women-daenerys-cersei-arya-sansa_n_5cd98811e4b0796a95dfd968

[reasonswhyimaginesmatter]

Why Oh Why pt. 3 (Scott Reed x Reader)

•6/20/18•

A/N: Shoutout to @leelybeanz for helping me come up with the idea for this part xx. I was really stuck.

part 2

Warnings: Mention of abuse and sad thoughts

After about 15 minutes of crying outside, lunch was over so that meant I needed to get back inside. I only had one class left so I was ready for that to be over with so I could go home. I went to class and was surprised to see Clay in the seat right next to mine. He usually sits all the way in the front of the room, not in the back with me.

"Hey?" I greeted him with a confused look on my face.

He gestured for me to sit down, "I'm here to talk to you like I said I would."

"No, it's fine. I don't need to talk right now."

He sighs, "I'm going to talk to you anyways. I'm not telling you to change yourself completely, but ever since Jeff died you just haven't been the same. You've always been bitchy, but now it's out of control. I don't think you need to continue living like this."

"I understand," I confirm to him with a smile, "Thanks for the talk."

He grabs my hand, "Y/N if you ever need to talk to someone or just for someone to be there at all, I-"

I cut him off, "I'm fine."

I don't say another word to him and just give all of my attention to the lesson from my teacher. I don't know what's wrong with me, but I'm trying. It's just a high school break-up. Nothing serious at all.

Clay gave up on trying to talk to me and just looked at the board. I felt my phone vibrate so I looked at it. I had a text from Zach: Hey. I'm going to give you a ride home if that's alright with you.

I get confused and reply with a quick agreement. I'm wondering why everyone has been trying to talk to me lately. The bell rings and I gather all my things and start my way to my locker. I felt someone bump into me on the way.

I turned and it was Natalie, "Excuse me. You should watch where you're going, Holler."

"Oh. Y/N? I'm sorry. Didn't notice you there, trying to find Scott. In addition, I don't pay attention to nobodies. So sad that he dumped you for me." She says with a fake smile.

I glare at her, "I wouldn't get personal with me, sweetheart. I don't fight fair. Regardless of my break-up with Scott, I'm still the HBIC of Liberty High."

"Maybe you should let me take the title of being the queen around here. I'm sure I'll be better!" Natalie exclaims while clapping her hands together.

I give her a fake smile, "I"m sorry, I don't participate in the Make-A-Wish foundation."

I didn't let her get another word as I walked away, shoulder checking her as I moved by. I saw Zach with Scott and the rest of the baseball jocks, but I decided to go up to him anyways.

"Are you ready?" I asked looking directly at Zach.

I felt an arm around my waist and one around my shoulder, "Hey, Y/N."

Bryce and Montgomery, the two people I truly hated in this school. I pushed both of them off with both arms, causing them both to stumble into lockers.

I look at them with a fake sad look, "Whoops," I turn around and roll my eyes then look back at Zach.

"Y/N Y/L/N truly is the anti-christ. I see why you broke up with her," I hear Bryce say to Scott.

I turn around and give them a smirk, "Bryce, I'm sorry you fucking privileged rapist, I'm going to do whatever I want on a regular."

"Okay, we can go now Y/N," Zach tells as he drags me away.

Montgomery asks me, "Wait, Y/N! Are you coming to my party tonight?"

"Yeah," I tell him as I blew a kiss at all three of them, "Bye boys!"

Zach continues dragging me outside until we arrive at his car. He opens the door for me and gently pushes me in. He gets in the driver seat and looks angrily at me.

"What the fuck was that, Y/N? Are you trying to get yourself in trouble?"

I shrug, "What will they do to me? I'm the girl that everyone wants to be. Well, wanted to be because of Scott. I'm still HBIC, right?"

"You sound like you need convincing," he observes me closely, "Do you wanna talk to me? What's going on?"

I feel tears start to well up in my eyes, "I'm alone, Zach. After Jeff, Scott was the only thing I was living for. Now that he's gone, I don't know what to do."

"Hey don't speak like that, your parents still love you. That's what you're living for, them."

I shook my head and chuckled, "You really don't know huh? My parents are cruel to me, Zach. It's nothing physical, but they mentally and verbally abuse me. They blame me for Jeff's death. They say if I hadn't been irresponsible and hadn't called him to pick me up, he would still be alive. They adored Scott too. They considered him the son they never had. When I told them we broke up, they made comments about me all night. Everyone hates me, Zach."

"That's not true, you have friends, Y/N."

I sigh, "The friends you gave me? If you haven't noticed, I'm too much of an awful person to make my own friends. All the friends I make just care about shopping and my money. Nobody ever cares about the real me. I'm done having this conversation, can we go now?"

"I'm sorry. I didn't know about your parents or anything. I really can't believe I didn't notice."

Never let them see your life. Nobody was supposed to know, what is wrong with you, Y/N?

I grab his hand, "No, I'm getting dramatic. Honestly, my life isn't bad, just since this Scott bullshit I've been pointing out the worst in every situation. I'm fine, really, or at least will be eventually."

He looks at me but nods anyway. He kisses my knuckles, "You're like a little sister to me, Y/N. Don't hesitate to talk to me about anything."

Zach is the only person who has been here for me. It's sad, everyone just comes and goes. I just feel like he understands my attitude more than anyone else. Even Clay, Alex, and Jessica have stopped being my friend at one point of time because of me being so rude.

It's not like I try to be mean, everyone just has their mind made up about what my personality is. I just go with the flow and go along with whatever they say about me.

"We're here," Zach announces as well pull up to my house, "Do you need a ride to the party tonight?"

I nod and smile at him, "Yeah, thanks."

I walk inside my house and instantly get greeted by my mom. She doesn't look pleased and gives me a dirty look.

"With another guy already? I never thought people would go after someone like you." She insults me while looking me up and down.

I cross my arms, "Mother, should I tell daddy about your affair with Mr. Boulier from across the street? I'm sure he would love that."

She grabs my wrist painfully hard, "I'm sure you would love that too, Y/N. After all, you're nothing but a failure. You failed this family, you fail at being a beautiful daughter like I wanted you to. You're spineless and everything I didn't want my child to be. You should be setting an example for my coworkers' children. Instead of being sixteen and suicidal everytime me or your father gives you one simple word of wisdom." She snaps in my face.

I back away with tears in my eyes, "Mommy, for once just love me. I'm going through so much and I just need someone."

"No," She looks at me with hatred, "I don't care. I don't care about your problems or what you're going through. Women don't act like this. They're not emotional and they certainly don't beg anyone for help. You will not let anyone see your life. Do you understand? "

"Yes mommy," I look at her with a tear stained face, "I understand. I'm going to a party tonight, okay?"

"You know, Y/N. You're so ungrateful. Look at the mansion you're in, the money you have, the clothes you wear. Your father and I always made sure you had the best like and instead you wanted to be manipulative and cold towards anyone you come across." She then roughly lets go of my wrist and walks away.

I couldn't believe my own parents treat me like this. Ever since I got into high school, they just have had high expectations and wanted me to set an example for them. It started getting too much and when I rebelled, they got angrier and started verbally abusing me.

Scott was the only place I had to go instead of being here. He didn't know about my parents, but always let me stay with him at his house. I miss him more than anything and I don't know how much I can take without him.

No one knows me and no one ever will.

I wiped under my eyes to rid of the tears and began to get ready. I settled with a skater skirt and a long-sleeved turtle-neck crop top. I did my makeup to the best of my ability and take a long look in the mirror.

I'm alone. I'm going to have to fake my happiness, even if it hurts.

I get a text from Zach telling me he's outside. I gather everything I needed and go outside. I spot his car across the street and walk down my long driveway to it.

I get in the passenger seat, "Hey, Zachy."

"Hey, Y/N. I hope you don't mind, Scott's here too." He tells me apologizing with his eyes.

I look into the back seat to find Scott there. He's wearing his jacket with my favorite jeans of his. I can't help but admire him.

I give him a small smile, "Hi, Scott."

"Y/N," He gives a short reply.

"Y/N, what happened to your wrist?" Zach asks while looking at my bruised wrist concerned.

Mommy.

Scott leans up to take a look, "Y/N, are you alright?"

I give them both reassuring smiles, "I'm okay Scotty, I'm fine. Don't worry. I was just arguing with my cousin and when I tried to walk away, she grabbed my wrist. Nothing serious."

Scott gently grabs my wrist and looks at it closely, "It looks serious, Y/N."

I rip my wrist away from him, "I said I'm fine, Scotty."

"I'm just trying to make sure you're alright, Y/N." He tells me with a hurt expression.

"You dumped me, Scott. You hurt me too much to ask if I'm alright. So to save you the trouble, just know I'm always fine." I snap unintentionally at him.

"Y/N," Zach warns me sternly.

I roll my eyes, "Stop the car, I can walk the rest of the way."

Zach looks at me sharply, "What? Are you fucking crazy, Y/N? No. I'm not letting you walk. Especially in those heels."

I'm gonna die alone. I'm a loveless narcissist.

"Zach. Stop the car, please. I just need to think" I plead looking at him with sad eyes.

Scott sighs from behind me, "Y/N. It's really not safe for you to walk."

"Come on, you emotionless heartbreaker. It's only 2 blocks away. I can take care of myself. I have been these past 3 weeks." I state to him as Zach started to slow the car down.

Zach turns to look at me, "Fine. Go ahead. Just share your location with me and be sure to text me as soon as you arrive at the party, understand?"

"Yes, mommy. I understand." I reply without thinking.

My eyes instantly go wide as I realized I just called him mommy. I'm used to telling my mother I understand everything she says, it's a habit at this point.

Zach rolls his eyes and chuckles, "If me making sure that you're kept safe means I'm acting like your mom, then you can continue with your jokes."

I get out the car and wave at Scotty and Zach. They drive off leaving me on the sidewalk to walk the last 2 blocks to Monty's house.

I wanna be an idle teen, I wish I hadn't been so clean.

taglist: @leelybeanz  @justmesadgirl @blisssection @savannah-m-99 @sugarsweetkiss

[trinuviel]

The Rose of Highgarden. On Margaery Tyrell (part 1)

Unlike many of the main characters in Game of Thrones, Margaery Tyrell is one of characters where the adaptation has expanded the character, making her more interesting than in the books where she’s a bit of a cipher. Portrayed by Natalie Dormer, the show presents Margaery as a clever, cunning and ambitious woman. She is first introduced in season 2 where we meet a woman that is not only ambitious but also politically astute and quite pragmatic.

A CLEVER PRAGMATIST

On the purely visual level, the audience is first introduced to Margaery as the consort to Renly Baratheon, seated to the left of her husband who is wearing crown. This visual set-up presents Margaery to the audience as a woman whose social status is defined by her relation to a man. However, this is to some extent a misleading image because Margaery is so much more than just a politically convenient consort to a royal pretender. She is a political player in her own right and - as we soon learn - a much better one than either her husband or her brother.

When we first see Margaery and Renly, they are presiding over a tourney - raised on a dais - and the image they present echoes the image of Robert Baratheon and Cersei Lannister at the Hand’s Tourney in season 1. 

This introduction also serves to highlight that Renly is a political lightweight who prioritizes the wrong things at the wrong time. As Catelyn Stark rightly points out, Renly and his knights are playing at war while Robb Stark is fighting an actual war. 

Margaery is not really the focus of this scene but we do learn a few things about her here. Firstly, with its plunging neckline her costume presents an image of a woman who is daring at the sartorial level while it also hints at the way she weaponizes her femininity and her sexuality later in the narrative. Secondly, we also learn that she’s fiercely loyal to her brother Loras. When he scores a point in combat she jumps to her feet, yells loudly and she shows her joy with her entire body, not very ladylike. 

It is amusing to see how free Margaery is in her expression here since she otherwise is extremely guarded when it comes to showing what she really thinks and feels about things when she’s in a public setting.

The real introduction of Margaery comes in an intimate scene where she attempts to have conjugal relations with her husband. This a tricky thing since Renly isn’t attracted to women. However, Margaery knows the situation, she knows about his relationship with her brother and she is a pragmatic woman with great ambitions (she knows that this marriage is about politics and not love). She’s also very bold sexually - she’s the one who makes the first move.  

She undresses before him and then goes straight to kissing and touching but  her actions don’t produce the result she had hoped for. She isn’t disappointed by the fact that Renly isn’t attracted to her but she does worry about the political consequences if he doesn’t bed her - since an unconsummated marriage is vulnerable to annullment. She’s a pragmatist and she’s willing to do what needs to be done to achieve her goal: getting pregnant with a Baratheon heir and thus solidifying the Tyrell-Baratheon alliance. 

Interestingly enough, it is Renly who is the squeamish one. Renly’s homo-sexuality is the elephant in the room. Margaery knows about his sexuality, which shows that she’s close with her brother. However, Renly doesn’t know that Margaery knows about his relationship with Loras, which is interesting and it shows that he hasn’t really gotten to know her very well. It really is very amusing how shocked Renly is when it comes to the fact that Margaery is extremely upfront and pragmatic about the nature of their relationship. When Renly fails to “rise” to the occasion, Margaery suggests that he might need some help.

Margaery: Do you want my brother to come in and help?

Margaery: He could get you started. I know he wouldn’t mind. Or I can turn over and you can pretend I’m him.

Renly: I don’t know what you’re talking about.

Margaery: There’s no need for us to play games. Save your lies for court. You’re going to need a lot of them.

She remains partially naked throughout this exchange. Of course, this has probably more to do with the show catering to the male gaze but character-wise, this shows that Margaery is comfortable in her own skin. Whilst I do find the male-gazey aspect of the scene annoying, I do love how much the scene reveals about Margaery - about her honesty and her pragmatism. 

Margaery: Your enemies aren’t happy about us. They want to tear us apart. And the best way to stop them is to put your baby in my belly. We can try again later.

Margaery: You decide how you want to do it, with me, with me and Loras, however else you like. Whatever you need to do. You are a king.

This exchange also shows that she knows the value of teamwork and trust between partners. It doesn’t matter to her that Renly is in love with her brother. She knows that theirs is a political marriage with the potential for great power and influence for her if their gamble pays off and Renly wins the throne. She knows the stakes are high, she knows what is needed and she’s willing to do whatever it takes to accomplish her goal. In this case: getting pregnant with Renly’s heir. However, her willingness to do whatever it takes to get what she wants is a trait that we will come to see again and again.

A SKILLED COURTIER

Margaery is a politically astute woman and she knows how to navigate political conversations, even those who seem quite innocent on the surface. There’s an interesting scene between Margaery and Petyr Baelish where they engage in a bit of verbal sparring as Margaery conducts Baelish to his tent. In this scene, Baelish is quite unsubtly hinting at Renly’s homosexuality, his relationship with Loras and the unconsummated state of Margaery’s marriage. He’s testing the waters as to how secure this alliance between the Tyrells and Renly really is.

Baelish: And on the night of your wedding, who was by the king’s side then?

Margaery: You seem quite interested in our marriage.

Baelish: Your marriage is quite interesting. Not only to me, but to the realm. The marriage of a wealthy girl always breed interest, if nothing else.

Let’s try to break down what is going on here. What is text and what is subtext? Baelish is implying that Renly didn’t bed Margaery on their wedding night. That their wedding is unconsummated and that her husband was in her brother’s bed. Why would he do that? Margaery’s marriage will always be political because she belongs to a wealthy and powerful house. This he states outright. However, the subtext of this exchange is Baelish subtly letting Margaery know that she has other matrimonial options since her marriage to Renly is unconsummated and therefore void. Baelish is not just in Renly’s camp to deliver Ned’s bones to Catelyn Stark or to suck up to Renly Baratheon. Baelish has a special interest in Sansa Stark and he seeks to have her removed as Joffrey’s future bride. Sansa being Joffrey’s wife doesn’t fit into his plans. Furthermore, if he could destroy the Tyrell-Baratheon alliance, he could neutralize a threat towards the Lannisters with whom he is (temporarily) aligned. However, Margaery knows what Baelish is about and she seeks an opening to shut him down:

Margaery: You’ve never married.

Baelish: I have been unlucky in my affections, sadly.

Margaery: That is sad but perhaps it is for the best. The whole notion of marriage seems to confuse you, so allow me to explain. My husband is my king and my king is my husband.

This is Margaery putting Baelish in his place. “My husband is my king and my king is my husband” = she is declaring her allegiance to the Tyrell-Baratheon alliance and she’s reminding Baelish that she can have Renly punish him for his insinuations - especially if Renly wins the Iron Throne. This is a scene between to seasoned players, feeling each other out – all without speaking directly about the issue they are dancing around. Baelish and Margaery are both skilled courtiers who master the art of oblique discourse.

“I WANT TO BE THE QUEEN”

Margaery and House Tyrell played a dangerous game by entering into an alliance with Renly Baratheon and supporting his bid for the Iron Throne. Their gamble didn’t pay off and after the assassination of Renly they find themselves in an incredibly dangerous position since they’ve angered both Stannis Baratheon and the Lannisters who hold the Iron Throne.

Margaery is acutely aware of this and when she and Loras face the reality of Renly’s death she stresses that they need to go home to Highgarden (in order to prepare to defend themselves against the wrath of their enemies). The way the show highlights the differences between Margaery’s and Loras’ reactions to Renly’d death sheds a light on how different the the two siblings’ relationships with Renly was - and how their priorities have temporarily diverged. 

Loras is absolutely devastated and angry. He loved Renly deeply and he wants revenge. Margaery’s relationship with Renly was much more superficial and politically motivated. Whereas Loras is submerged in his grief, his sister is acutely aware of just how dangerous their situation has become. They made a gamble and it blew up in their face. What are they to do now? Fortunately for them, Petyr Baelish arrives with a neat solution that promises to give both of them want they want. He starts out by stressing exactly how great their danger is - and then he goes to work on Loras.

Baelish: Tell me Ser Loras, what do you desire most in the world?

Loras: Revenge.

Baelirsh skillfully manipulates Loras but he treats Margaery differently. He treats her as a seasoned political player - with a direct pragmatism when she offers him an opening.

Margaery: He was very handsome.

Baelish: He was, Your Grace.

Margaery: “Your Grace”. Calling yourself a king doesn’t make you one. And if Renly wasn’t a king, I wasn’t a queen.

Baelish: Do you want to be a queen?

Margaery: No. I want to be THE queen.

While Loras wants revenge on Stannis, Margaery wants more. She’s ambitious, she wants to be queen. I must admit that I’ve been a bit puzzled about her reply that she wants to be THE queen, not a queen. What does she mean? I hardly think that she wants to be a ruling queen. She’s smart enough to know that cannot happen – her best bet is to become the queen consort. So what does her reply mean? I think it means that she wants to ensure that she becomes queen in terms of real power – Renly was a pretender, he didn’t hold the Iron Throne. It would be different if she weds Joffrey since he not only holds the Iron Throne, he has also been crowned and recognized as King in the light of the Seven - that is something that is incredibly important within a medievalesque society! With Renly was she the consort of a pretender, but with Joffrey she’ll be Queen of the Seven Kingdoms.

COURTLY PERFORMANCE

The Tyrells accept Baelish’s offer of a Lannister alliance and their forces ensure a Lannister victory at the Battle of the Blackwater when Stannis lays siege to King’s Landing. After the battle, Joffrey grants a public audience to the Tyrells where her thanks House Tyrell for coming to the aid of the throne and offers them a boon.

Loras wastes to no time in telling Joffrey that his sister Margaery is both a widow and a virgin - thus implying that her marriage to Renly was no true marriage in order to erase the stain of their involvement with Renly’s rebellion. Loras then goes on to propose a marriage alliance between the Joffrey and Margaery. What follows is a pretty piece of theatre.

Joffrey: Is that what you want My Lady?

(Margaery moves forward, towards the centre of the room, right before the throne)

Margaery: With all my heart, Your Grace. I have come to love you from afar. Tales of your courage and wisdom have never been far from my ears. And those tales have taken root…. Deep inside of me.

Joffrey: I, too, have heard tales of your beauty and grace. The tales do not do you justice My Lady. It would be an honour to return your love.

(Margaery lifts her gaze to look at Joffrey)

Joffrey: But I am promised to another. A king must keep his word.

It is at this point in the conversation that first Cersei and then Pycelle intervene in the discussiont o assure Joffrey that it is perfectly acceptable to break his betrothal and set Sansa Stark aside, thus making a marriage to Margaery possible.

Joffrey: The gods are good. I’m free to heed my heart! Ser Loras I will gladly wed your sweet sister.

Joffrey (to Margaery): You will be my queen. And I will love you from this day until my last day.

(The hall erupts in loud applause while Margaery smiles)

This entire scene is an elaborate pretty piece of courtly theatre, scripted beforehand with the intent to make both Joffrey and the Tyrells look good. Margaery was originally married to a pretender and now a new alliance has been negotiated where Tyrell aid will excuse their former treason while the alliance will be sealed with a marriage. It is the pragmatic cynicism of the political game. But it doesn’t make the players look particularly good in terms of public opinion. Hence this piece of theatre where the language of Courtly Love is used to make the whole thing seem more palatable. 

I’ve previously written about how the language of Courtly Love is used differently by Joffrey and Sansa (here and here). Whilst Sansa uses this kind of conven-tional language in good faith, Joffrey employs it in bad faith. In this scene, however, both parties uses the conventions of Courtly Love in a strategic sense. Joffrey performs the role of the Gracious King whilst Margaery performs the role of the Bashful Maid.

I find Natalie Dormer’s acting choices rather interesting in this particular scene. During the entire conversation between Joffrey, Loras and Margaery, she utilizes a specific kind of performative femininity, i.e. she tailors her courtly performance so it conforms to a very specific ideal of femininity: the bashful and innocent maid. Notice how she initially keeps her gaze lowered, signalling meek sub-mission. When Joffrey professes his admiration of her, she lifts her gaze and bats her eyes at him, which is a very calculated move. This is very noticeable if we view the scene in slow motion.

This performance is in direct contrast to her boldness in the tent scene with Renly, where she is the one that makes all the sexual advances. I also find it rather ironic that she performs her act of the bashful, innocent maid whilst wearing a rather daring dress with a plunging neckline and a necklace with her house sigil (the rose) that draws visual attention to her physical charms in a very sexualized manner.

This entire performance is not just directed at Joffrey but also at the people who witness this. The target audience of the Tyrells and the Lannisters are the general audience of the court since their alliance has already been negotiated beforehand - as evidenced by the fact that Baelish is awarded Harrenhal before Joffrey grants the Tyrells a boon for their military aid. The court is a stage - and they all know how to play. However, some of the players know how to perform better than others. Joffrey often lets his mask slip because of his sadism whereas Margaery never drops her performance in public.

The royal court is a stage and Margaery knows how to play to her audience.

To be continued...

(GIFs not mine)