#it does mean something and truly helps

[viperwhispered]

Too Hard

Woop part 2 of the trip inside Jamil's head. Part 1 here.

The next time Jamil caught sight of you on campus, his first instinct was to turn around on his heel.

What a stupid thought to have because of you.

Besides, that would only make him more conspicuous, not less.

So, when your eyes met his, Jamil gave you a short nod in greeting. He would’ve left it at that and kept on his way, had you not walked up to him.

“Hi Jamil! How’s it going?” you said with that impossibly disarming smile of yours.

Why was it so difficult to look at you like he normally would? You had no right to make him feel so stiff, so unnatural.

On autopilot, Jamil exchanged a few pleasantries with you - those lessons from his parents had been instilled too deep in him for him to falter too badly in a simple exchange such as this. Still, Jamil quickly excused himself by telling you he still had to find Kalim before his next class.

Jamil didn’t miss the way your smile faltered. Had you hoped to get something out of him?

“Oh, okay. I’ll see you two later, then.”

Something about that irked him, though Jamil did not allow himself to dwell on it further.

His heart really had no business still racing as it did when he walked away, unaware of the frown on his face.

Just act normal. That’s all he needed to do.

After all, he had no time for dwelling in silly fancies.

If Jamil had been acutely aware of you before, it only seemed to worsen now that he was making a conscious effort to not act any differently with you. In fact, the harder he tried to keep you out, the more you invaded his thoughts, unsettling him.

The most innocuous words from you looped in his mind, and even the simplest actions caught his eye. For goodness's sake, he’d found himself staring at you while you were queueing up in the cafeteria the other day, not even doing anything other than standing around and looking bored!

For once, Jamil found himself grateful for all his duties. At least they provided him with something else to occupy himself with.

After all, if he was busy enough, it was difficult to think about those bright eyes of yours, your sweet laugh, or the way you bit your lip while thinking.

Still, sometimes it felt like no matter which way he turned, you were there, ready to throw him off-kilter. Not like it was his fault that often the most convenient route to class intersected with your daily routines. Or that your face seemed to jump out from any crowd, catching his attention.

Which certainly did not help his basketball performance. Jamil certainly did not recall you having such an interest in sports before, yet suddenly you were always there, distracting him. What had changed?

Could you possibly-

Jamil scoffed to himself, forcing his thoughts back on track for the nth time that day.

He picked up the tray of food and started taking it to Kalim. After dinner, he’d need to help Kalim with his homework, there were some housewarden tasks that would need dealing with, not to mention the preparations for the next-

Jamil froze in his tracks.

The voice he heard was quiet, but it was unmistakably you.

Really, it should not have come as such a surprise to him. You had become a rather frequent visitor to Scarabia, and Kalim often invited you to stay for meals. In fact, Jamil had started planning the dorm’s meal prep with your tastes and dietary restrictions in mind, just in case.

Jamil rounded the corner with strange exhilaration, his heart fluttering needlessly.

Yet, his mood evaporated when he saw you.

Why did you stop talking and look so guilty as soon as you caught sight of Jamil?

Jamil knew that look you gave to Kalim, had used it himself a thousand times. The one telling Kalim to keep quiet about something.

What could there possibly be that you would be comfortable sharing with Kalim, but not with him? That would give Kalim reason to sit so close to you, a comforting hand on your shoulder?

Jamil's mind raced with possibilities, yet could not settle for any single explanation.

He’d have to ask Kalim about it later.

Jamil gave you a short, polite greeting, his eyes lingering on you in an attempt to read what you were hiding.

“If I’d known you were coming over, I would’ve prepared something for you to eat as well,” Jamil said, already thinking about which parts of the dorm’s dinner to spruce up for you.

“Oh, no need, just figured I’d pop by. I’ll get out of your hair soon enough,” you said, something sheepish about your expression.

As expected, Kalim asked you to stay and dine with them, and with just a bit more persuasion you agreed - though not before telling Jamil that he should join you too and have himself a breather.

And since Kalim agreed with you, Jamil soon found himself sharing a meal with you and Kalim. Yet, even as he sat down with the food, his mind raced.

Had you been getting particularly close to Kalim lately? But surely Jamil would’ve noticed such a thing. Maybe someone from the dorm had been giving you trouble? But if that was the case, then surely you could let Jamil know about it, too. Unless for some reason you did not want to? But if it was something that concerned Kalim, then sooner or later it was bound to concern Jamil, too.

All the while, Kalim was talking to you about this and that, the latest topic being the animals kept on the Asim estate.

“I’ve got some pictures, let me show you!” Kalim said with an excited grin.

Only, a thorough patting of his pockets and a look around confirmed that Kalim’s phone was nowhere to be seen.

Jamil pinched the bridge of his nose. Where had Kalim left it this time?

Before Jamil even had the chance to say that he would handle it, Kalim sprinted off. Jamil hesitated for a moment, automatically halfway up from his seat, before he decided that leaving a guest unattended would be a worse offense than not helping out his master.

Jamil slumped back down with a sigh, mentally tracing the path Kalim took today, trying to recall the last time he saw Kalim handle his phone.

“Breathe. He’ll manage,” you said. There was the faintest of smiles on your lips, and Jamil could not decide if it was knowing or amused. Perhaps both.

Somehow, despite his frustration, Jamil’s own lips wanted to curl up too.

“Hmm. Maybe he will.”

Sure, Jamil could’ve called Kalim’s phone, to make it easier to find, but it was not that urgent, was it?

Jamil took another bite of his food, keeping an eye on you from the corner of his eye.

How was his mind so empty and so buzzing at the same time?

“You know-”

“So-”

You looked at each other, both just as surprised that the other had spoken up at the same time.

Even your surprised look was so-

“You first,” Jamil said. The way you bit your lip... Jamil had to raise a cup to his lips, slowly sipping his drink.

“Just… Feels like it’s been quite a while since I’ve seen you be still, you know. Or exchanged more than two words with you,” you said. You were attempting a light, joking tone, yet it was quite clear there was more to it.

“You say that like it would be unusual for me to be busy.”

He was not prepared for the way your soft sigh tugged at his heartstrings.

“No. It is not.”

You were both quiet after, poking at your meals. Normally, Jamil would’ve cherished such a moment of peace, yet this particular silence between you two was decidedly awkward.

Where was your usual chatter? Why weren’t you looking at him like you usually did?

“If you’re worried about me, don’t. I’m fine,” Jamil said, some softness creeping into his tone despite his best intentions.

“That's what Kalim said too,” you said. Yet the way you looked at Jamil made it clear you were still skeptical.

Wait.

Had you clammed up earlier because it had been Jamil you had been talking about with Kalim? That Kalim had comforted you about?

The thought twisted his stomach into knots.

Eta: you can find part 3 here, part 4 here, and finally part 5 here. Hasdhfsdf the way I fought with that last scene I swear. I don't even want to know how many versions I went through, trying to figure out how to say what I wanted without rubbing it into your face or making it too veiled. The joys of trying to convey things through a limited pov. Hopefully it came out reasonably balanced in the end. Rip to all those sentences that were lovely on their own but didn’t work for the whole. Hopefully I can rehome y’all one day. I do have thoughts for part 3 and part x (might be some chapters between those two as well, who knows at this point), so maybe we'll see those at some point, too. Tag list: @colliope @crystallizsch @diodellet @jamilsimpno69 @jamilvapologist @twstgo If you'd like to be tagged for future works, let me know! (Just be aware that sometimes I do also write nsfw, though you can certainly ask to be tagged only for particular kinds of works.)

[mariocki]

Lalla Ward makes a brief appearance as Lady Augusta, intended bride to an ill-fated aristocrat, in A Ghost Story for Christmas: The Ash Tree (BBC, 1975)

[uncanny-tranny]

Life got more interesting when I learned that everything is an argument, everything is political, and everything is deeper than it seems. Everything is the product of something, and it's up to us to figure out what that "something" is. We are interesting as fuck! We are deeper than you think!

It might seem really tedious, but recognizing this has made me so much less incurious. I now want to learn about us as people. Everything is deeper than it seems.

[the-acid-pear]

Y'know I really feel like Harry and Dave's relationship goes highly unexplored which is a shame because there IS quite a bit to explore, ESPECIALLY if you care about shipping. But as the game stands I mean, they must be aware of each other. Harry in fact definitely knows about Dave. I don't think he'd tell the fucking weird rotten bunny his terrible boss brought in IS the number one threat against Freddy's since day 1 but even so. Dave I don't think would see Harry as much more than A Phoney™ though, which is always more of an obstacle and way less of a person. Which is usually opposite of how Jack sees his often sole employee. Like, you get what I mean? It's almost similar to 2 with the main opposing routes being Peter and Dave except the stakes are arguably way lower now.

[softquietsteadylove]

could you write about Thena being very sensitive to loud noises and Gil comforting her by covering her ears etc. love your work!!

"Um, Thena?"

"What?!"

Heads turned towards the usually quiet Warrior Eternal. It wasn't just that her voice was soft, it was that she was usually on the reticent side. But everyone all but trembled as she barked at them all.

Sersi froze on the spot, her hand half extended in front of her. "I-I was just wondering if...never mind."

Thena sighed. Her face was still somewhat twisted into a deeply displeased expression. But she walked closer to her. "I'm sorry, Sersi. What did you need?"

The Elemental Eternal still hesitated, but she tried to force the words out. "W-Well, this batch is ready--if you could help us all carry them to the centre square. If you can't that's okay!"

"It's fine," the Warrior Eternal grumbled, already walking past her sister towards the piles upon piles of fire crackers they had fashioned for the festival. It was a celebration for the new lunar cycle. They were doing their duty by helping the locals with their cultural traditions.

The humans backed away as Thena leaned over to pick up their burden for them. They muttered a little, bowing and smiling. It was closer to cowering than anything.

All things considered, she probably should have done more to discourage their fear--assure them that she was here to help. But as more fireworks 'tests' went off her face was simply unable to relax. "It's nothing."

Even Sersi gave her some space as they began walking. Their loads were large, perhaps suspiciously large but not impossibly. Sersi cleared her throat, "how are you doing?"

"Fine."

Sersi tried again. "Really? I know they're testing the gun powder a lot lately. And I'm sure no one would say anything if you didn't want to-"

"I'm fine, Sersi." Thena walked ahead, towards the head splitting ruckus taking place in the centre of town. As Sersi said, the tests for their celebrations were happening near constantly now that they were so close.

Phastos was proud of their quick advancement with the new chemical compound. Sersi and Ajak were delighted to learn about what they had developed culturally around this time of year and what it meant to them. The 'younger' ones - as Thena considered them were just excited to have a night that wasn't fighting and watch duty and diplomacy and watch duty and sparring with Ikaris and more watch duty.

Gilgamesh was on watch duty at this very moment.

Another round of firecrackers went off. Weren't humans supposed to be fragile? How could they possibly endure this kind of cacophony?! Thena walked faster. The sooner she could drop off this load the sooner she could leave.

The humans around her jumped like crickets.

"Here!" she belted, slamming down the half a barrel of supplies. She was still restraining herself. She didn't break it.

"Sorry, she's...sensitive to loud noises." She could hear Sersi making excuses for her as she walked away.

"Hey, Thena, ready for tonight?" Kingo shouted at her over the noise.

"No!"

Maybe she would owe Kingo an apology. He wasn't to blame for all the excitement. But he would accept it. Of all her teammates Kingo would probably be one of the only ones who would understand the extra snarl in her tone and the stomp of her feet.

"Thena."

This was the last thing she needed. She glared at Ikaris ahead of her. "Not now."

"There's no need for you to be like this," Ikaris continued to scold her. "I understand you're not happy about Gil being on watch all night. But that doesn't mean you can-"

Thena grabbed her brother's head, making sure to dig her thumb into his scruffy cheek, and slammed it into the wall next to them. It didn't bounce like a ball, and Phastos would make her come back and repair the hole in the bricks she had made. But she kept walking.

Curse this festival, curse the gunpowder and every wretched form it could take. The sooner this was over and the settlement went back to being a quiet, peaceful village, the better. Her skull felt like it was being split in half from the inside out. There were even times she could swear her vision would become white like the clouds.

Eternals couldn't suffer a stroke, but perhaps she would be the first.

Thena turned a corner and ducked down against the wall. She pressed her forehead to it. She didn't know which would shatter first, her tiara or her skull. But at least the stone was cold, the little alleyway was somewhat darker than the red sunset. Already fires were being set, and soon the sky would be alight.

The high pitched shrieking of the first few shot into the air. The rapid pops of the firecrackers weren't absent either. They wound together in a violent harmony. At least now that they had started, they did have to end at some point.

Thena remained sequestered in her little attempt at finding some peace and quiet. If Ajak hadn't insisted on abandoning the Domo back with the remains of Babylon she could have been seeking refuge on their nice, comfortable mothership. Instead she was trying to put her head through a wall, all but curled up like a child.

She wished she could be different for them; celebrating with her brothers and sisters. Sersi was happy to help with the festivities. Makkari and Sprite would be encouraging the locals to show them how to have a good time. Even Druig tended to loosen up at these things. Maybe Ikaris could be convinced to pull his head out of his ass.

She sighed. She couldn't stay here forever. Perhaps it would be better for her to start repairing the wall she had broken with Ikaris' face while everyone else was celebrating. Another firework screamed its way up into the sky. It exploded, casting her shadow over her feet. Anything would be better than moping around, waiting for Gilgamesh's return.

She had volunteered to cover his watch duty. It would relieve her from this madness. And Gil was more suited to parties. She was quite sure he had wanted to enjoy it, too. He had been talking about all the different foods made for the feast that would accompany all the noise.

"What are you doing down here?"

Thena closed her eyes again.

"Shouldn't you be with everyone in town? I bet there's some food you'll like."

She felt like her teeth could feel the sounds entering her ears. She shook her head, which only ruffled the crown of her hair pressed against the plaster. Until two hands gently pulled her away from the wall. She groaned.

Gil pulled her face into his chest, putting his hands over her ears. At last, it was quiet.

Thena sighed. The sounds of chaos faded to the back of her mind. The breath in Gil's lungs, the beat of his heart, the rustle and clanking of his armour replaced it all. She inhaled, repositioning her forehead under his jaw. "I thought you were gone all night."

"Kingo came and offered to switch with me," he excused lightly as he pressed his cheek to her hair. "Pretty generous of him."

Thena smiled; she liked Kingo. He was a good brother. And she was sure he would come to her later with a demand of satiating his kindness. But currently speaking, she would give him anything at all.

"You must be having a tough time." He spoke gently, and the sound of his voice rippled through their connected bodies. It reverberated deep in her head.

She picked her head up to look at him, his hands still over her ears. His hands were bigger than hers, and they were soft, and warm. She nodded. He turned her around in his arms so she could look up. The fireworks were going off. Maybe they weren't so bad - pretty, even - when they weren't destroying her ear canals.

Gilgamesh kissed the top of her head as they admired the show from their quiet little corner. "I'm sorry you suffered like this alone."

She shook her head. She leaned back on him; he supported her easily. She laid one hand across her waist at her hip and raised the other one to his cheek, tapping it affectionately.

"That one's pretty," Gilgamesh pointed out as a collection of white stars exploded in the sky and rained down. "Reminds me of you."

"Hm," she smiled; he was such a soft hearted thing. A green one twinkled, not deep like emerald but earthy, like jade. "You."

"Yeah, I guess so," he laughed, admiring the show with her.

By the time the rest of the Eternals came to find them, whether to chastise Thena for her temper or ask if she was still suffering physically, they needn't have. All they arrived to was her curled up in Gilgamesh's embrace, his hands over her ears, and her: using his heartbeat as whitenoise.

[priafey]

things the US needs to address:

the collective psychosis that leads people to make posts like these

[laatmaar]

The more things change the more they stay the same.

Or Matt on a mission before her first escape from the farm and Matt-as-Beau on a mission of his own.

[girlbob-boypants]

Anyway the reason why you shouldn't pre order Veilguard isn't because of some moral protest about the layoffs. It's because deceptive marketing and releasing unfinished products are the current standard in the AAA space and a few pieces of mediocre fashion do NOT warrant spending 60+ usd now for a game that might not even run later.

[hecksupremechips]

Just the way Shin Tsukimi’s “mask off” moment is him becoming increasingly frustrated to the point of having a nervous breakdown where all he can do is laugh maniacally because he’s so done with everyone acting so incompetent and not seeing things “as they are” (aka how he sees them) is just. Mwah chefs kiss hes just like me fr 😰

[saintbanglesthegazelle]

I promise you if you give people the benefit of the doubt, if you assume ignorance or misunderstanding instead of malice, if you make the effort to give and recieve clarity, if you listen to people's thoughts and explanations, you will see the world as so much less cruel than you had before. So much more loving. It's not easy, but it's so so important to do, for yourself and others

[glimblshanks]

It's so difficult, because I genuinely do want to understand what the whole deal with Christianity is, but Christians are so apposed to any line of questioning about their belief system (in a way that no other religion is) that if you say anything they don't like they shut down and accuse you of being a sinner.

And it's like bro, I'm not trying to be insulting, I'm trying to understand why this religion is even appealing to you. How do you manage to get so many converts when you're not even willing to answer basic questions about your theology?

Everyone I've found who's actually willing to discuss Christian theology with me is an ex-Christian which is super unhelpful, because ex-Christians are people who have deconstructed Christian belief and come to the conclusion that it doesn't work for them. They're always very cynical about the whole situation. That's not what I'm looking for.

I want to talk to someone who's still into it. I want to understand what actually draws people to this religion ( I do not want to be trauma dumped at - I don't know what aspect of Christian belief confuses y'all into thinking that trauma dumping is an appropriate substitute for theological discussion, but it absolutely isn't).

Like you would really think for one of the most popular religions in the world finding answers to this stuff would be easier. Why can't you guys just talk about your beliefs?

[fogwitchoftheevermore]

man sometimes i think about life series bigb and his abandonment issues. man.

[pokemonruby]

i know that regardless of whether you're trying to advertise your art or attempt to garner donations (and in my case, my post features both prospects) there's always going to be some ingrate who comes in with the violent urge to bully and condemn minorities because the lives of such pathetic, sad people like that typically aren't rewarding enough to encourage them to do something more productive with their time. i've been down this road before.

although i deleted the post from last night since i don't feel like feeding into the unwarranted negativity that they're doubtless trying to farm given that they evidently are unloved by every person they have ever met and need to vent that frustration somehow, i do apologize for clogging my followers' dashboards but at the same time, i have been taught by my friends and therapist that i need to start actively sticking my neck out for myself some more and take up space even if it is dubbed "annoying," and this is the only endeavor i am truly proud of so i'm going to screech it to the world because i know its worth it, i know it deserves recognition, and that i'm a talented, hardworking person who has sacrificed much to get to where i am today and damn it all, i'm going to be unapologetically loud about it!

not to mention, i just generally need some help. it isn't just about my book (even if it is the main thing that i wish to promote since, you know, that's how marketing works) - i'm severely disabled, impoverished, and stuck living with a historically violent, abusive person and i desperately want out before i end up hospitalized or worse since while it's easy for me to devote myself to my craft, i'm also suffering quietly and extensively behind the scenes and i want to start believing that i don't deserve to live like this - no matter how difficult it is for me to admit that.

[omarwolaeth]

thinking 'bout how the lads interact with what the bracelets represent, especially in their decks

[flippedorbit]

do you want me to fucking go off on you? do you truly fucking want that mother?

[yuribalisms]

Essentially what it is all boiling down to is I have fully realized I am bad at being a person, that will always be true, and I don’t know how to handle that