#it almost killed me actually
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Man the grief is a hole thing really helps. But unfortunately now I am realizing my own patterns. Fuck.
#i am trying to shove other things into the hole#i am making the hole wider because I'm shoving too many things into the hole#I'm scared everyone else doesn't have a hole and is going to leave me behind because theyre sick of me being like this#and thus making the hole worse by trying to force them to like me#the hole won't get smaller but i cant stop trying to fill it#i just. fuck#i feel so goddamn empty#and I'm making it worse! i know I'm making it worsen#if i stay i rip myself apart if i leave i get replaced#i dont know what to do#and maybe im overdramatic. maybe they actually care and me going would hurt them#but i just#im trying to force them to fill the void in my life and it's going to kill me#it almost killed me actually#genuinely it almost killed me#but if i leave i get a bigger hole#i know I'll grow bigger than it if i stick it out.#but the thing is. i dont know if I can#i don't know if Id live if i lost anyone else#genuinely#so.#candyskiez vent#tw suicide#if you make a sex joke i will eat your organs
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Ch. 37 "Of Saints and Sinners" is out! Read here
#my art#radioapple#chaggie#hazbin hotel fanart#of saints and sinners#osas#outfit refs but as per usual you can draw/imagine it however you want lol#actually this is my first time drawing four people in one go LOL#it almost killed me tbh
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behold! the closet scene from @morningstarwrites “Of Saints and Sinners”
#are you happy now??#this almost killed me#osas#radioapple#alastor#my art#duckiedeer#lucifer#of saints and sinners#no lie i actually had so much fun drawing luci’s closet#put that thing back in the closet or so help me
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forever obsessed with dynamics between vampires, specifically that of a maker and fledgling, as a way to explore abuse. the creation of a vampire itself can so easily be a literalization of the lasting impacts of trauma and also much more simply the ways a perpetrator might shape their victim’s very identity. the extremes of isolation in the way that the new vampire, in most narratives, must cut all ties to their mortal life, or else go through an elaborate charade to maintain the facade of humanity, while forever still being removed from it. and the sheer dependence and vulnerability of being in an entirely new state of being, wholly uncertain of what it entails, and relying on another person to define… everything.
#or just the moral dilemmas#rewatching amc interview is kind of making me insane#that moment in episode two when louis is looking for a sort of assurance in the fact that lestat may actually have some good in him#look at how he cares about music look at the simple wondrous things that can bring him joy#and then the immediate dread when the opera performance turns out to be imperfect because he knows how lestat will react to *that*#I think there’s also something really interesting in the highlighting of lestat upbraids the less skilled singer before killing him#(slowly)#but also I will wait to watch more before I articulate my thoughts#vampires#interview with the vampire#amc interview with the vampire#i ramble sometimes#I do still find the lestat and claudia film and novel dynamic by far the most compelling for how she tries to usurp him but almost to be him#but I’m enjoying this#I’m very curious if I will like show claudia more on rewatch#the movie always resonated most with me (sue me lol) because there seemed to be more simultaneous fondness and attachment even at the end
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hewwo
#stargate sg1#stargate atlantis#neko atsume#almost cried drawing that cute little fucking tac vest on jack btw. look at him.#not in love with all of the atlantis team especially rodney and weir and tela i fuckim struggled with them#like i'm happy with how they look it's fine but short of sticking a maple leaf on rodney or something you know#it's the props#i couldn't figure out how to make who they were obvious. idk man they're cute and i know who they are I guess. felt the same with sam tbh#giving her a little math sheet felt a lil cheap but you know what it's done i'm not gonna keep workin on these the gateroom killed me dead.#also i woulda done the other sg1 members that show up later but I haven't gotten there yet in my watch-thru.#like i saw them as a kid when it was airing on tv but not yet while actually paying attention to things like the plot#my posts#my art#stargate#the sg1 one was done first so that's why i didn't end up putting a lot of detail into the planet they landed on vs how much detail#i had to keep leaving out of the fucking got dam gateroom why is there so much detail in that room hey guys what the hell is up with that r
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Transcript:
Whoa.. Uh. Right. *laughs* The Bible.
Let's see what we have here. Ah yes. Reve-lations. Wow.
Whoa. There's a lot. Uh, in the Bible I mean!
Um. Hang on I-I need to go take a shower.
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#gabriel ultrakill#ultrakill#gabv1el#this one actually killed me#this was my first time drawing V1 i almost died.
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the kalosian worms are quickly eating away at my brain, folks.
#enjoy my shitpost doodles i'll do more serious ones later#mjv!calem is so funny to me i want to study him in a lab#the most fucked up lil dude in all of kalos he's so god damn haunted#just girly things : when an evil ecofascist ceo tricks you into almost killing your friends by brainwashing you <3#i actually need to talk about what happens in mjv!xy instead of just dropping wild out of context jokes about plot points aksflj#pokemon#pokemon xy#pkmn xy#pokemon serena#trainer serena#pokemon az#trainer az#pokemon calem#trainer calem#rival calem#pokemon shauna#rival shauna#pokemon emma#trainer emma#hc : (pkmn) mjverse#chara : serena vidal#chara : zephyrathes '' az '' vidal#<- fucked up in that hc post and forgot to write out his full first name oops#chara : calem durant#chara : shauna bellamy#chara : emma khalil#🎨 : mj draws#tw explosion
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After rewatching TMNT 2012 I had an epiphany
#before y’all come at me about donnie almost killing the mob boss#remember he didn’t actually do it but he did get turned to dust by April#this isn’t really a ship thing for anyone tho#I don’t think Raph actually got to kill anyone out right tho.#Mikey killed Dracula#leo sliced up shredder#both almost died#it’s all coming together#tmnt#tmnt 2012#teenage mutant ninja turtles#2012 raph#2012 mikey#2012 donnie#2012 leo#tmnt leo#tmnt leo 2012#tmnt raphael#tmnt raph 2012#tmnt raph#tmnt leonardo#tmnt donatello#tmnt michelangelo#tmnt mikey
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DETECTIVES MAC AND CHEESE.... DRAWING THIS ALMOST KILLED ME 🫡🧡💛 *dies*
#macaroni cookie#cheddar cheese cookie#cookie run#cookie run kingdom#cookie run fanart#crk fanart#my art#im too exhausted to even leave commentary but this almost killed me fr#IM GLAD I DIDNT GIVE UP AND FINISHED IT#mac and cheese#mac n cheese#mac & cheese#watch this show up when ppl r actually trying to search for mac n cheese recipes#im sorry
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his horns (finials) (idk)(ears)(whatever) shaking... the jumping ??? the struggling 😭 the off center twitching ..he is PISSED. AWF !!!!!!
#his defeat being planned makes this either hes playing up his rage bcs he definitely played up his defeat#or a mixture of playing up his rage and actually being a little pissed bcs he wanted to get more licks in but couldnt#anyways i cant take him sersiouly with those big ass ears#like an angry kitten trying to escape the burrito calm down blanket of doom#his helmet shape is so cute to me inearth spark it almost looks like a 80s mom hairstyle with the hair#cropping a symmetrical curve around her face or smthing#tbh if u are delusional enough all soundwaves are hot moms#i mean come on it's a given#except the animated one. he was freshly birthed. a little baby#megatron and optimus watching him freak like : 😦#optimus: so he served under you#megatron : oh Yes 😼..#meg: iMEAN yeah 😦#meg: i mean .. yes 😞..#need somebody to clip all soundwave appearances pls all seasons need it. NOWW!!!!!!!#at first i wasnt a big fan of his voice bcs i think when ppl try to harden that demonic voice underneath the autotune factor#which is rlly cool#they can kinda go too hard and it sounds almost too cartoony like a cartoon monster villain whos not calculated but vry primal#which goes against soundwaves whole cool calculated spy techno soundguy thing#but im warmed up to it now bcs it's a cute contrast like. u see this beautiful mech with magnificent curves & ure like omg hey hot mama#and then a voice from the 9th circle of hell growls at you like thats lowkey hilarious#dont mess with a bad bitch !!!!!! who just had a bad break up!!!!#he WILL kill u !!!!!!!!#soundwave#transformers#maccadam#tf#tf es#tf earthspark#arcee
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Is Palworld just ARK but with Pokemon? Pokemon but with guns? Yes.
Are half the pals pokemon ripoffs? Yes.
Am I having an absolute blast? You bet.
Legends Arceus wishes it had this kind of base building.
#palworld#someone said 'let's make meganium a dragon and actually good' and i love that actually#also it almost murdered me if it weren't for the 5% catchrate sphere that worked#i love everything about this#is it going to kill pokemon? of course not#but dammit there's room in my library for more monster collectors
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goodbye to a memory
#maguart#i think this drawing almost killed me#like actually#ten years have been removed from my lifespan#damn you nagi#shiraishi an#an shiraishi#nagi project sekai#白石杏#プロセカ#プロジェクトセカイ#ビビバス#vivid bad squad#digital art#digital painting#digital illustration#tw medical#tw death#(implied)#project sekai#prsk fa
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decided to make a fresh ink design with ink's new outfit!!! :D
(fresh by @/loverofpiggies and ink/fresh!ink inspo from @/comyet)
i feel like i had to draw fresh!ink annoying the hell out of error LMAO
#ink sans#fresh sans#fresh ink#fresh!ink#fresh!ink sans#fresh ink sans#fresh!sans#ink!sans#utmv#toffeesdoodles#the little details were actually fun!#the spraycans almost killed me though
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if i see one more ‘delulu’ im going to hurt someone
#actually aspd#actually npd#aspd#npd#clusterb#actually mentally ill#actually schizophrenic#actually psychotic#psychosis#psychotic disorders#paranoid schizophrenic#schizophrenia#schizospec#schizophrenic spectrum#actually delusional#psychotic spectrum#psychotic symptoms#schizophrenic disorder#schizoaffective#schizoid#schizotypal personality disorder#actually schizospec#actually psychosis#stop using delulu#you’re not delusional you just have terrible judgement#delusions are serious and often dangerous to the person experiencing them they aren’t your fucking quirk#delusions aren’t quirky stfu#i’ve had delusions that almost killed me
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Yeah, so while I was on my "I'm going to read into Vanny/Vanessa as much as possible" journey, I noticed an odd quirk in her animations in how she moves. At first, I thought it reminded me of a ballerina, 'cause she's kinda tip-toeing, & she has this way of keeping her head & chest in one place as she moves, but I looked again & realized --
That's not ballet! She's doing a tight-rope act. Like, look at this one:
This is like standing up on the wooden boards before you do the actual tight-rope walking, & the ring leader is hyping you up as you do some fun movement for the crowds. &, then, these:
These are all instances where she walks with one foot directly in front of the other. In that third, she's doing the "woaaah" wiggly-ass balance movements & everything, as if she's swaying up at the top of the tent, even though she's down on solid ground.
Idk, I feel like the way her feet are placed isn't accurate (pretty sure they should be pointed left & right, not both forwards...) doesn't make this 100% correct, but I like it. It also connects back with her first SB teaser, wherein she's up in the rafters.
#em.txt#security breach#fnaf sb#vanny#vannessa#okay but you can read more into this. tightrope acts are almost always associated with circus performances#& we know afton enjoyed himself a circus themeing -- made the whole circus baby peanut gallery & he was also a massive clown#see he's like molding her into one of his performers where he is the ring leader calling the shots#& she is the tightrope walker that the crowd watches with baited breath to see if she falls or makes it across#tightrope walking has also been associated with walking a line between two different worlds or extremes#so on one end she wants to obey afton & comply in killing & on the other she wants to hold onto her life as it was#& she's in the middle trying to not step too far to either side or else she's gonna fall & there is no safety net for her#there's also like. in ruin the vanni mask obscures reality. the vr world is completely different.#if vanny's mask has that tech in it then she's constantly stuck in vr. to her it may actually not look like#stable ground. it may look like she's miles up in the air about to fall. because that's what the glitch needs her to see#because if she saw that wherever she next planted her food foot was safe stable ground she might not be so anxious to keep on#moving down this path#wait hold on is this all an optical illusion & I'm seeing it wrong is it the angle#IT'S TOO LATE THE POST IS MADE HIT POST#did i just pull a matpat misread a minor detail & extrapolate unintended overly detailed info#that is inherently untrue bc the detail it's based on isn't there/is incorrect?#see this is why the game theory channel should have gone to me i can do this matpat bullhonkus no prob bob!
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obligatory hand headcanons (handcanons if you will) for the isats
#in stars and time#isat#siffrin#loop#mirabelle#isabeau#odile#bonnie#my drawings#guys i didn’t say anytjkmg in the tags because i was busy talking about something in a call but i need to speak my truth#i’m really fucked up.over the hand size difference that sif has with evrrubody#but i’m looking really hard at isa especially#im reallg not in a good mindset about it. i think i might be sick#why is he small#why the fuck is he small#why are they so small why are their hands literally in canon almost the same size as bonnie’s#why are they fucking small i’m gonna kill mhself#this is so bad for me dude like it’s actually so bad i might die#*holding my head in my hands* he’s so fuckign small
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