#it IS helpful that sometimes i can hear a negative thought pattern and just go 'THOUGHTS AN 1800S AMERICAN EVANGELICAL WOULD HAVE. INVALID.

[bread--quest]

i think its really funny how ive almost perfectly dodged cultural christian guilt about some things but am so aggressively not immune to others. i was the only person in my college class able to casually say "yeah i think this theory is encouraging women to do erotic or sexual writing". also i do believe every bad thing that happens to me is my fault and i have to perform labors to make up for it

[goddessinnerglow]

Become Your Best Version Before 2025 - Day 15

The Power of Self-Talk

Hi Goddesses! Let's talk about something we all do every single day, often without realizing it, talking to ourselves. You know that little voice in your head that's always commenting on everything? Yeah, that one. Let's make it work for us instead of against us!

Think about it: would you talk to your best friend the way you sometimes talk to yourself? If you just had a mini "oh…" moment, you're not alone. I used to be the queen of harsh self-talk until I realized I was basically being a mean girl to myself 24/7.

So today, we're going to transform that inner critic into your biggest cheerleader. Not in a fake, toxic positivity way, but in a real, authentic way that actually sticks.

Let's look at how we can flip the script:

The Inner Dialogue Check-In

First, let's catch those thoughts! For just one hour today, try to notice your self-talk. No judgment, just observation. You might be surprised at what you hear. Are you:

Beating yourself up over tiny mistakes?

Comparing yourself to others?

Dismissing your achievements?

Using words like "always" and "never" about yourself?

The good news? Once you notice these patterns, you can start changing them.

The Language Swap Game

Here's a powerful trick: imagine your thoughts are text messages you can edit before sending. Let's practice some rewrites:

Instead of "I'm so stupid for making this mistake" Try: "I'm learning from this experience"

Instead of "I'll never be good enough" Try: "I'm growing and improving every day"

Instead of "Everyone else has it figured out except me" Try: "Everyone's on their own journey, and I'm exactly where I need to be"

The Mirror Exercise

This one might feel weird at first, but it works! Every morning when you look in the mirror:

Give yourself one genuine compliment

Say one thing you're proud of

Set one kind intention for the day

Start small, even a simple "Hey, I like your energy today" counts!

Building Your Confidence Playlist

Create a collection of phrases that make you feel strong. Your personal highlight reel might include:

Times you overcame challenges

Compliments you've received that felt truly meaningful

Your proudest moments

Little wins that made you smile

Keep these handy for when your inner critic gets too loud.

The Permission Slips Exercise

Write yourself permission slips, just like in school, but these are for:

Making mistakes and learning from them

Taking up space

Saying no without guilt

Being a work in progress

Changing your mind

The Reframe Game

When you catch a negative thought, ask yourself:

Would I say this to my best friend?

Is this thought helping or hurting me?

What would someone who loves me say instead?

What's a more balanced way to look at this?

Your Daily Self-Talk Rituals

Pick one or two of these to try:

Morning power phrases (said out loud!)

Gratitude check-ins with yourself

Evening appreciation moments

Celebratory self-high-fives (yes, really!)

The goal isn't to never have negative thoughts. It's to catch them, question them, and choose whether to believe them.

Your Challenge for today

Notice your self-talk patterns for one hour (set a timer if it helps!)

Pick ONE negative phrase you use often and write down a kinder alternative

Try the mirror challenge (even if it feels silly at first)

Remember, changing your inner dialogue is like learning a new language, it takes practice, patience, and lots of gentle reminders. You've got this, and more importantly, you deserve this!

See you tomorrow for Day 16!

♡ ☆:.｡ Keep glowing, babes! ♡ ☆:.｡ With love, Goddess Inner Glow.

[marumaruz-haikyuu-agere]

Hq disability Headcanons

A somewhat detailed list of my haikyuu medical headcanons

Nishinoya Yuu - Type 1 diabetes and sensory neuropathy

Was diagnosed at 5

Inherited from parents

Prefers an insulin pump to insulin injections

Diabetes causes his sensory neuropathy

Nerve damage in his arms causing bruises because he can't tell when to stop practicing

Kenma Kozume - Hearing loss in both ears, noise damage

Plays games and music with the volume too high causing damage from all the years he's been doing it

Doesn't like to admit that he has hearing problems

Uses CIC (Completely In the Canal) hearing aids because they're small and unnoticeable

Also uses his hair to cover them because even when he knows they're hard to see he's still pretty self-conscious about them

Tendou Satori - Vitamin B deficiency, Motor Neuropathy, Audhd

Tendou has a vitamin B12 deficiency which results in him developing peripheral neuropathy, more specifically motor neuropathy

It causes him muscle spasms/twitching and gives him a barely noticeable foot drop

I think he has Audhd and struggles with paying attention and wanting to move around a lot

He doesn't have a specific hyperfixation exactly but is full of lots of little facts about lots of things

Hinata Shoyo - Audhd, Dyspraxia

I don't think i really need to explain Hinata's Audhd but I will anyways

It's one of the reasons he has so much energy while he's practicing, because he already struggles with staying still but also because it's one of his special interests

It helps him more if things are explained at the speed his brainis going instead of going slowly

I think he has Dyspraxia too because it explains a lot of his struggles in volleyball

It also ties into why the quick attack pair works so well because Hinata has to focus less on getting everything right himself and can put his attention into his motor skills

Oikawa Tooru - Osteoarthritis

Osteoarthritis is pretty common

It causes joint pain and stiffness in most cases

And it's most common in places like the knees

It's usually from old age but in Oikawa's case it's from trying to play after an injury without letting it fully heal

But he refuses to admit that he has a problem

Kageyama Tobio - Dyslexia

He's incredibly dyslexic

Nobody knows though, everyone just thinks he's really dumb

He has consulted someone about it unfortunately he talked to Hinata who also has mild dyslexia mixed with the fact that his eyes won't stay on one point on his page

They both think that letters and numbers do that for everyone and that they just haven't figured out how to read it properly

Ushijima Wakatoshi - Autism

Definitely autistic

Pretty high functioning though

He's pretty slow on some social cues but the basic ones have been worked out in his brain

He has quite a high tolerance for most stuff but he's not the biggest fan of messing up schedules

Tsukishima Kei - Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome

Was partially inherited because Akiteru showed signs of it but not enough for a diagnosis

I think he specifically has cEDS (Classical EDS) because it fits him the most

I think he's been pretty used to his joints dislocating sometimes but doesn't realise that everyoen else around him isn't

The first time Yachi saw it she almost fainted

Particularly with cEDS people have easily bruised/breakable skin on their forehead, knees, shins and elbows

He has a few pretty big scars on his knees and shins from when he was a kid

They're also quite wide because with cEDS wounds heal quite slowly and leave wide scars

Bokuto Koutaro - Borderline Personality Disorder

This wasn't originally my idea (He wasn't actually going to be on here but it got pointed out to me yesterday)

BPD comes in four stages, Emotional instability, Disturbed patterns of thinking, Impulsive behaviour and Unstable relationships

With emotional instability it's usually intense negative emotions and severe mood swings which could contribute to his 'emo modes'

During disturbed patterns of thinking he'd get upsetting thoughts (like his emo mode) and hallucinations and distressing thoughts that he can't be talked out of

Impulsive behaviour is one i think he has less negatively but it's commonly negative in most cases

His impulsive behaviours are less harmful to himself and others

Unstable relationships are when he attaches himself to someone and I think that person/people would be Akaashi and Kuroo

Them trying to leave him would not go well, it's why he contacts them all the time because he doesn't like the feeling that they might leave him

[shok-oy]

november. 06, 2024

twd characters x male reader. headcanons

✒️ ... prompt : their love language/s pt. 1

[ alexandria editon ]

rick grimes

- acts of service & physical touch

the man is always exhausted after a day's worth of putting out fires around the community, solving everyone's problems little by little, and slowly shaping the people of alexandria into a strong community. all he wants to do after a long day is rest, usually on the couch. that's where you come in; help him out of his boots, give him a nice pillow to rest his head on, he'll lay on your lap later and let you feed him. sometimes he'll talk; complain about how his day went, sometimes he'll just be quiet, enjoying your presence. if you run your fingers through his hair or massage his chest, watch as he just melts away, he becomes absolute putty in your hands.

carl grimes

- quality time

ever since the group arrived in alexandria, carl was sort of... left to his own devices. you and him both. while his father encouraged everyone to explore, meet the members of alexandria, you and carl would often sneak out past the wall and venture into the forest where you two would stay until the sun begins to set, reading comics from cover to cover, twice. carl often enjoys the silence, choosing to simply bask in your presence, but he wouldn't mind if you yapped his ear off. he just likes spending time with you, knowing that you were safe and happy and the two of you could just be happy together.

glenn rhee

- gift giving & words of affirmation

glenn knows what you like; even if you had only mentioned it once a long time ago, glenn would remember it for years to come. everytime he'd go out on a run, he always made sure to bring back something for you; a trinket, an accessory, anything that reminded him of you. "i thought you'd like it." is what glenn would always say. he was always right. glenn is an optimist through and through,but there are times when he'd think negative thoughts, wondering what could go wrong, pondering on people who could get hurt, and whatnot, but he always bounces back easily as soon as you talk to him. you're the person he trusts most in the world, and if you tell him things will be alright, that he's the strongest man you know, he'll believe you.

daryl dixon

- quality time

daryl isn't very expressive or clingy, but of all things, he enjoys the time he spends alone with you. just knowing that you're by his side, you have his back and he has yours, is enough for him. he enjoys a quiet stroll through the forest or a ride on his motorbike with no particular destination in mind, just you and him on his bike on the open road is enough to fulfill him.

abraham ford

- physical touch

abraham can easily go off the rails, lashing out on everyone around him when he's pissed off, but one touch from you, and he's like a tamed dog. a good slap to the face from you easily snaps him out it (if someone else would do this, he'd get even more pissed off). he likes holding you in his arms, and he absolutely adores it when you're just drawing invisible patterns on his skin with your fingertips. he likes having you close, always having an arm around your shoulders or your waist, and he would absolutely adore it if you lean your head on his chest or on his shoulder; it makes him feel powerful, and needed.

ron anderson

- quality time & words of affirmation

ron hasn't had it easy. his father was an asshole to him, his brother, and his mother, but he couldn't do anything about it. what was a kid like him supposed to do against his father? thankfully, your untimely arrival on alexandria brought him a sense of comfort. he doesn't like staying at his house, it wasn't a home, but for him, you were his home. hearing reassuring words from you was enough to keep him going, but he kept his father's abuses from you for as long as he could. but when you found out, you gave him a piece of your mind, and when you tried to do the same to his father, ron stopped you. he feared his father would take him from you, so he would endure... just for you.

heath

- acts of service

heath likes to do things for you, he always tries goes above and beyond. the apocalypse may have limited how he showed his love and adoration for you, but trust me, heath would find a way. but heath always seems to malfunction when you're the one doing things for him. volunteering to drive, or to stay up for night watch, or carrying his heavy bag... sometimes, heath would pretend to struggle when carrying his things just so you would come over and help him. he would always enjoy the sight of you walking away with a heavy bag on your back while carrying two heavy boxes of supplies without so much as breaking a sweat.

aaron

- physical touch

aaron likes to stay close to you at all times. when out looking for survivors to bring back to alexandria, there was always danger lurking around in every corner. aaron would never admit it, but whenever he's scared, he likes to hold your hand. he says he does it so you two don't get separated... but then again, that is his biggest fear; getting separated from you forever. he's big on kisses too; and he absolutely loves it when you hold his face with your hands and plant kisses all over his face, especially after you shave his beard for him.

~ shokoy ☆

[yourangel137]

Wanderer comforting reader who is going through very bad depression/self harm

Last but not least, I have to repost this one 100%. I'm just also very proud of this one! Sorry not sorry :3

Pairings: Wanderer X GN!reader (Using of both Scara and Kuni in this story)

Warnings: Mention of blood, very bad self-harm, descriptive depression symptoms, descriptive suicidal thoughts

Genres: Angst + Comfort

Type: One-shot

Word count: 1025 words

POV: First part: reader pov, second part: Wanderer pov, third part: reader pov

Summary: Reader feels the urge to give up thinking Scara left them for good

For anyone with suicidal thoughts, selfharm thought. Please!!! Get help!! Call for help!!

Suicide hotlines

It’s not like he wanted to be busy, it’s not like he wanted to leave you alone, it’s not like he wished for you to leave, yet it seems to feel that way to you. Sometimes his harsh words can make you feel insecure or his harsh words seem to make you overthink at certain moments. Like today.. you haven’t seen Scara for at least 2 weeks now and it’s been extremely lonely for you. What if he doesn’t actually come back? What if he actually doesn’t want to come back? You’ve read his letter, you’ve read how he will come back as soon as he can and how he promises to bring you your favourite flowers as a compensation for leaving you for so long. But after that letter, you didn’t hear anything from him for so long.

Even if it’s only been 2 weeks since he left, it feels like an eternity. Your brain works overtime, thinking about possible negative outcomes, something your brain seems to do a lot whenever you are alone. Worry fills your brain, what if he’s hurt? But it’s also filled with disgusting comments about yourself because maybe... you really aren’t good enough after all.

You get up from your couch and walk towards the table where the letter you read still lies. Your heart aches, tears form in your eyes. “What do I do? He could’ve at least.. said goodbye to my face instead of leaving a letter. What if.. you never come back.” That’s when your eyes focus on the knife on the table. You placed it there for when you need to eat dinner, but right now your thoughts wander to a different reason for using the knife. Your brain fills itself with dark thoughts, darkness fully covering up the light you managed to create in your brain before. Your hand grabs the knife handle, lifting the sharp small knife and inspecting the sharpness by sliding your finger over it.

Your breath starts breaking it’s usual calm breathing pattern, blood rushing to your brain while you do the one thing you had told yourself never to do again. It hurts, it hurts to feel the wounds you created, it hurts to feel the blood gush out of them.. But nothing hurts more than your brain punishing you for just trying your best. The blood drips down onto the floor, painting the floor with the red drops of despair and sadness. What do you do now? Yet panic is the last thing you think about as dizziness starts to overtake your body instead. You drop the knife, shaking uncontrollable as reality starts to hit you slowly. Quickly you grab the table to stay stable. ‘What do I do now? Is this the end?’ You think to yourself. You didn’t even hear Scara opening and closing the front door and calling out to you. The last thing you see are his eyes filled with shock and disbelief and the flowers he had promised to bring along falling on the ground, before you passed out from the blood loss.

--

Before you could fall on the ground, Scara catches you and slowly drops you down to the floor with him. His eyes tear up, not being able to know how to reply to the image he sees before him. The person he loves is unconcious in his arms, bleeding like crazy.

‘what do I do what do I do what do I do?!’ He starts to panic. Why did you never tell him about your relapsing?! He wouldn’t have left otherwise.. “This is all my fault..” Tears fall down and drop onto your cheek. Immediately he thinks he lost you, thinking you died in his arms and he couldn’t do anything about it. But then the moment he sees your chest still rising and falling, is the moment he lifts you up and carefully brings you to bed. He has to do everything now to keep you alive and he’s willing to sacrifice anything. He stops the bleeding, getting it all over himself and the bed but he really doesn’t care. Then he bandages the wounds and keeps a very close eye to you while waiting for you to wake up.

“Please.. just wake up.”

--

The moment you open your eyes, you’re met with your lovers eyes. His eyes still teary and his cheeks still damp from the amount of tears he cried out while waiting for you to wake up. You wanted to speak to him, you wanted to apologize, you wanted to tell him that it’s not his fault, but he started speaking first. “Are you dumb?! Why didn’t you tell me you were relapsing?! I wouldn’t have left! This is all my fault.. You scared me! I thought I lost you!” Tears fell down his eyes again, showing you a vulnerable state he always wants to hide from others. You watch him hesitantly reach out for your hand, you eventually grab his hand the moment he got close enough to yours. “I might not say it a lot but I do love you.. I don’t.. want to lose you.”

You didn’t think it would hurt him so much to see you like this, but you can clearly feel him tremble a bit. “You.. were scared of losing me?” You hear him curse under his breath before giving your hand and soft squeeze. “Yes! Why wouldn’t I?!” He answers, his voice having a slight tremble as well.

“I’m sorry Kuni. It’s not your fault, please-“

“I love you.” He cut you off.

You open your mouth again to say something but instead you decide to shut your mouth instead. You watch him get up and soon enough you feel him softly press a kiss against your forehead. “I’ll get you some more help, I don’t think I bandaged you up very well. Take rest.” He let’s go of your hand and showed you a small smile. You simply nod before opening your mouth again to speak. “I love you too, Kuni..”

“I know you do. Now shut up and sleep, you’ll feel better soon I promise.”

Thank you for reading, I'll always be here if you need someone to talk to <3

Much love,

Angel

Made on: 15-03-2023

[the-eldritch-it-gay]

my therapist thinks im very grounded in reality and like maybe my psychosis is really mild if i have any at all but i also like. i have been in therapy for like over a decade now and I'm on antipsychotics. So like, yeah. I can seem grounded, only because after a decade of being taught how to identify negative feelings and thought patterns, and longer of being taught to Act Normal Or You'll Get Locked Up, but my life is empty and scary almost every single day because I constantly believe people want to hurt me and that people are talking behind my back and that people are lying to me or are spying on me.

The most meaningful irl relationship I have outside of a family member is a cashier at the gas station who I sometimes say hi to when I go to the gas station and other times think he hates me and wants to hurt me and can't even look him in the eye.

Not to mention regularly having hallucinations, often threatening and distressing ones like hearing people breaking into my room or climb into my bed or seeing shadowy figures watching me or coming at me or people yelling my name.

Yes, sometimes I can look at a hallucination and know its a hallucination. Yes, sometimes I can examine something I believe in and see that I have no evidence behind it and its likely a delusion. But being able to tell something is a hallucination doesn't change the stress and fear and impact of my day to day life. Being able to tell something is probably a delusion doesn't actually change what I believe. It doesn't help the fact that I can't trust my own memory or perception or senses.

I know I function well to the observer for the most part and just being able to lie and try and hide my symptoms means they're like not as bad as they could be. But I've finally recognized that I live a very isolated and terror filled life and I want some help, even if I have a job or seem to hold it together well. Of course I hold together well in your eyes, my whole life I've been threatened with being sent to shelters or institutionalized if I dared even slightly step out of whats "normal". I fully believe if I tell important people in my life the truth about my brain that I'll basically be put in jail and taken away from the only shit holding me together.

[chubb-e-cheese]

Hi there! Please please ignore this if it's crossing a line/you just don't wanna hear it, I know that "get therapy" can come across like a rude joke but I just wanted to send some genuine encouragement to seek out support for your mental health. I've loved your blog for awhile and it's been so awesome to just see other fat bodies being supported & thriving! But sometimes reading your posts feels like a gut punch bc I've had those exact same thoughts and struggle so fucking much with those feelings of self hate and ugh the shame, which is the most defeating thing in the world. And it wasn't an easy step to take by any means but talking to a therapist really helped interrupt the negative thought patterns that my brain was addicted to. Anyway if it's something you're genuinely considering, and even if not, I just wanted to cheer you on 🙏

Hey hey. Yeah I’ve been considering it for years, I’ve just always been kinda scared I guess. I don’t want to finally gather the courage to go only for my first therapist to be a jackass lol. Also it’s hella expensive 😭

[uncloseted]

how to stop maladaptive daydreaming? i constantly get lost in daydreams about me being a character on a tv show or daydreams about my real life that i sometimes talk out loud and feel negative emotions related to my daydreams since they aren’t always super positive, i end up not doing things that i know are more beneficial for me and it makes it hard to focus on podcasts, books, and my hobbies bc i’m always getting caught up playing pretend in my head, i want to live a real life and do things to help me improve, i want to actually listen to motivation podcasts and think about myself, not some character or version of myself i’m pretending to be, i want to read a book and think about it and not act it out or act like i’m in it, i want to live a real life with hobbies and self growth and living in the moment and not just daydream about other moments that aren’t even real :(

This is something I would see a mental health professional about. Maladaptive daydreaming is usually a symptom of an underlying problem, like ADHD, anxiety disorders, depressive disorders, OCD, and PTSD or trauma. If you treat the underlying condition, the maladaptive daydreaming should lessen or go away completely. Without treating the underlying problem, it will probably keep coming back, even if you come up with good strategies to manage it.

That said, there are some things you can do to lessen the amount of time you spend daydreaming. The first is to identify your daydreaming triggers and reduce your exposure to them. Is there a specific time period when you find yourself daydreaming, a certain emotion that triggers daydreaming, or an action that makes it happen?

Once you know your triggers, you can be more mindful of avoiding them. When you do find yourself daydreaming, try to notice that it's happening. If you can, keep a journal to note the times, triggers, and content of your daydreams, and try to identify any patterns that are present. When you notice yourself daydreaming, maybe ask yourself, "do I want to be daydreaming now, or do I want to be present in the moment?" Just drawing your attention to the fact that you're daydreaming may make it easier to break out of it.

You can also try grounding exercises to bring yourself back to the present, such as doing physical activity (like jumping jacks), listing things in your physical space (5 things you hear, 4 things you see, 3 things you can touch from where you’re sitting, 2 things you can smell, 1 thing you can taste), or experiencing an intense physical sensation (like holding an ice cube or eating a sour candy).

It may also help to practice meditation. I know this sounds counter-intuitive, since it seems like it would be easy to fall into a daydream when you're meditating, but meditation is all about learning to be present in the moment without having other thoughts taking over. The more you practice letting go of thoughts that pop up in your brain, the better you'll get at it, and it might become easier to let go of the daydreaming thoughts as well.

[anachrosims]

I know it feels good to say that we should just, like, love ourselves and post what we want-- it's a sentiment I don't disagree with! I also think it's a disservice to everyone who feels like they aren't 'enough' and anyone who is struggling to get their content off the ground, to branch out and be noticed, etc. Combating that "not enough" feeling with "just feel better tho!" is not AT ALL helpful, and while I know that isn't the intent, that's how it does come off.

The thing is, overcoming feelings of inadequacy, especially in this day and age of ~content creation~ and ~influencers~, takes consistent effort. It takes forming the habit of better self-talk and breaking unhealthy bad mental habits. And none of that is easy to do. When you’re born into a culture, you can’t just magically “love yourself” and unwire years/decades of being conditioned to believe your self worth lies in how productive/lucrative/popular you are. Telling people to JUST LOVE THEMSELVES is actually feeding into that, because it ignores the pain people are in and makes demands as if they’re EASY, when they AREN’T. It turns those feelings of inadequacy due to cultural and systemic bullshit into a failing on the part of those people, and that... sucks, actually.

Using better self-talk is a process that you have to practice every day, it takes deliberate effort to combat negative thought patterns and sometimes requires you to take deep breaths and step back from social media, to get your head out of the space that's causing you to feel that way.

In case anyone needs to hear this:

You are enough. You are great. You are doing your best. You can keep going. You can do this. It’s okay. it’s going to be okay. We can make it. 

You’re not crazy or stupid for feeling alone, for feeling like you haven’t done enough. It’s a consequence of the world we live in, that many of us feel that way. But you aren’t alone, and you are certainly not inadequate. You are enough.

You are loved. You are strong. You’ve come this far, look at all the things you’ve done already. You are enough.

Now go get off the computer. Go outside if you can. Touch some grass or a plant leaf, if you can. Hug a pet or loved one and tell them you love them. Listen to music, read a comic or a novel, play some Stardew or Baldur’s Gate or Zelda. Allow yourself to feel alone and like you’re not enough, but then remind yourself that there are people who love you-- and when the ‘voice’ comes back and says “but what about x” or “what about y?” just keep repeating to yourself all the things you are proud of, louder and louder. 

It is a fight, yes, and it is exhausting, but it is worth it and SO ARE YOU! Keep making your posts, and know that it’s okay to have shitty days, you aren’t crazy or stupid or weird for that, not by a country mile. You can learn to fight back and protect yourself and others.

You are all loved and you can make it. I’m cheering you on.

[terminallybisexual]

tw // suicide mention

i fucking hate the saying “happiness is a choice” especially when i heard it as a 12 year old struggling with depression for (what i believed to be) no reason

but now that i’m older i hate it for a completely different reason. i think i understand the message behind it now but it is so poorly worded and places so much blame on the person struggling with depression that when my 12 year old self heard it, it made me completely reject any ideas that emphasize how much your perspective and attitude affect your quality of life

like i would hear people talk about changing your attitude or whatever and be like “that’s fucking stupid. i have depression i can’t help the way i think.” but like. i could. but i didn’t understand that because the way it was always framed was “you are choosing to be depressed. just stop being depressed.”

every time i have a self deprecating thought now, i immediately counter it with the opposite even if i don’t believe it. (ex: “i hate myself. no, i love myself.”) and it can be incredibly exhausting to argue with yourself all the time, especially when these types of thoughts are so constant and persistent. it’s not easy. but this has improved my life so fucking much its not even funny. it’s gotten to the point where sometimes when i’m in situations that are embarrassing or otherwise would trigger self deprecating thoughts, my immediate reaction is self love.

i did not even understand the extent to which my self deprecating thoughts were diminishing my quality of life. i did not understand how much my own thoughts were negatively affecting my life because it was just so normal to me. i used to have suicidal thoughts more times than i could count on a daily basis and even though they weren’t “serious” (as in i was not going to immediately act on them like 99% of the time), countering these thoughts has brought me so much peace. i can go a full day without any suicidal thoughts now. hell, i’ve probably gone at least a few days in a row without suicidal thoughts. that idea was truly incomprehensible to me a year ago.

i genuinely did not believe it was possible for me to be this mentally healthy. like i still have a lot of fucking work to do but it’s insane how much my life has improved. i can’t even put it into fucking words and it might seem stupid to other people but i’ve had an extremely low self esteem for as long as i can remember. i didn’t even think it was possible for me to change my self deprecating thoughts because i just viewed them as objectively true.

like, throughout middle school and high school, i would have full blown mental breakdowns almost every single day. hysterically sobbing and telling myself that i can’t handle life and i should just die, just to take a deep breath 20 min to a few hours later and pull myself together again. recently i legitimately believed that i had a mood disorder because i had absolutely no emotional regulation skills and i was basically living with my worst bully 24/7.

and i mean it took me years to get to this point. i’ve been arguing with my negative thoughts for a long time now but i didn’t always do it in a healthy way (ex. telling myself that my feelings are irrational and invalid and that i’m crazy for having emotions bc thats what i was told my entire life, essentially gaslighting myself). but since i started therapy again i started countering my negative thoughts more consistently and in more productive/healthy ways. and there’s a lot of other things i did to improve my mental health too but i truly believe that changing my thought patterns is possibly the most important/impactful change ive made.

there’s a lot in my life to be stressed about at the moment and i truly believe that if i didn’t implement these tactics into my life i would legitimately be in an inpatient program right now because i just wouldn’t be able to handle everything going on. but now, at least for the majority of the time, i am at peace. i’m not necessarily happy, i am just okay. possibly for the first time ever. and i know sometimes i still have my moments where i talk about wanting to die but everything is just so much easier now. those moments are more fleeting and i’m more capable of reeling those thoughts in early and preventing myself from completely spiraling. it’s just so fucking insane to me how much better i’m doing and i don’t think anyone i know will understand the extent of it because i don’t think anyone truly understood how bad it was in the first place. but it’s okay, i don’t need anyone else to be proud of me. i am so fucking proud of myself.

[mindfullofsam]

Dementia, Technology, and Finding Hope

Dementia is a tough illness to deal with. Lately, I’ve noticed a pattern in conversations with friends—many of them have a family member who is battling dementia. It’s heartbreaking to think about, isn’t it? The idea that one day, they might not remember their loved ones at all. It’s a loss that feels gradual yet sudden, like a light dimming until it’s completely gone.

For me, it’s a reality I haven’t had to face within my own family. I’m grateful for that, but of course, no family is perfect—far from it. Still, I can’t help but reflect on my own habits. I tend to forget things too. It’s not uncommon for me to rely heavily on writing things down or marking them on a calendar. Visuals keep me grounded. It makes me wonder: what if memory loss was my reality? How would I cope?

This thought stayed with me earlier today as I gave a ride to my friend’s mom, who works at a senior living home. She’s been in this role since moving to the U.S. from Mexico, dedicating her life to caring for patients with dementia. During our drive, she shared stories that were equal parts heartbreaking and fascinating.

She spoke about the challenges her patients face—forgetting basic things like using the bathroom, changing clothes, or recognizing their own family members. She described it as almost like taking care of babies again, having to retrain them for life’s simplest tasks because their memory has faded so much.

But then she mentioned something unexpected: some of her patients are glued to their phones. They sleep with them, scroll endlessly, and even seem to find comfort in them. It struck me as both fascinating and strange. How could they forget their loved ones yet still understand how to use a smartphone?

This got me thinking. Technology, for all its faults, has a way of anchoring us to the present. We often hear about its negative effects—distraction, addiction, isolation—but what about its potential benefits for people with dementia? Could we lean on technology to improve their quality of life? Could a memory game, an app, or some form of interactive tool help keep their minds active or offer them moments of clarity?

The possibilities feel endless. What if this idea could lead to meaningful change? Maybe it’s worth exploring further—through research, brainstorming, or even just sharing these thoughts here. Sometimes solutions to big problems start small, like planting a seed of curiosity.

Dementia may never fully release its grip on those it affects, but maybe—just maybe—there’s a way to use what we already have, like technology, to make the journey a little less lonely for them and their families. If I can contribute even the smallest piece to that puzzle, that would be enough for me.

What do you think? Could technology be the key to unlocking new ways to support those with dementia? Let’s keep this conversation going. Together, maybe we’ll stumble upon something amazing.

[lestallion]

Cultivating Self-Compassion: Why Journal Prompts Matter

Self-compassion is something I’ve struggled with for years. We often hear about its importance but sometimes it’s hard to know exactly where to start. But grabbing a journal and a pen? That’s been a game changer for me.

Understanding Self-Compassion

It’s easy to be kind to others, but when it comes to being kind to ourselves, it’s like we hit a wall. Self-compassion is essentially treating ourselves with the same kindness and understanding we would offer a friend.

Imagine if, every time you made a mistake, you heard a compassionate voice in your head instead of a critical one. Life would feel a bit lighter, right?

The Importance of Thinking About Self-Compassion

There was a time when my inner critic was particularly harsh. Every failure, every misstep, felt like an insurmountable obstacle. Reflecting on self-compassion can help break down these negative patterns.

When you actively think about being kind to yourself, it starts to become a habit. And trust me, this shift makes a huge difference in how you handle life’s ups and downs.

How Journal Prompts Help

When I first tried journaling, I was hesitant. What do I even write about? That’s where journal prompts come in. They act like a gentle guide, nudging you to explore aspects of yourself you might not have considered.

For example, prompts like "Write about a time you showed kindness to yourself" or "What are some compassionate things you can say to yourself during tough times?" create a safe space for self-reflection.

Personal Stories From My Journaling Experience

One prompt that particularly resonated with me was, "Write a letter to your younger self." I reflected on past decisions and moments of doubt, and it was surprising how therapeutic it felt. It was as if I was finally giving myself permission to be human.

Another favorite is, "Describe a small victory from your day." Often, I’d find myself dwelling on what didn’t go right. This prompt shifted my focus, helping me appreciate those little wins that often go unnoticed.

By consistently using these prompts, my journal became a sanctuary of self-compassion. Through this practice, I learned to silence my inner critic and celebrate my journey.

The Simple Act of Expression

Putting thoughts on paper has a magical way of untangling complicated emotions. It’s a form of dialogue with yourself, a way to listen deeply and respond kindly. Journaling allowed me to see patterns in my thoughts and behaviors.

It's an empowering process that fosters a deeper sense of self-awareness and growth. Even on days when I felt like I had nothing significant to say, the act of writing itself was comforting.

The Ripple Effect

One of the most beautiful things about cultivating self-compassion through journaling is that it doesn’t just stay with you. It impacts how you interact with others. When I’m gentler with myself, I find it easier to extend that kindness outward.

It’s a powerful ripple effect that starts with a simple journal entry. And honestly, who doesn’t want more kindness and compassion in their life?

SEE ALSO

https://www.tumblr.com/lestallion/754963134883758080 https://www.tumblr.com/lestallion/754965824492781568 https://www.tumblr.com/lestallion/754969377321943040

[teddyniffler]

Chapter 6

Amara walked down the hallway. Her meeting with Michael didn’t go entirely to plan. Walk in, speak her mind to Michael, leave all negative thoughts about him in the past, walk out with her head held up. Reno. Casino. Spa. However, the second her nephew mentioned the Winchesters, her plans had been blown. Her mind flooded with questions.

Her feelings for the Winchesters were complicated. She loved Dean for freeing her, they were bounded together. They would always be bound. She the Lock and he the Key. She rubbed her chest where the Mark was, sitting just over her heart. Fitting place for it to be, her brother broke her heart when he locked her up and then by freeing her, Dean has returned the Mark to her flesh. She knew he didn’t return these feelings for her. For Dean, family was his love. She had also grown herself as a person and had become independent, not needing to rely on anybody else other than herself. The old Amara would pine after Dean, wish to be with him, this new Amara did not.

So why couldn’t she rid her thoughts of the name Winchesters as soon as Michael spoke that name? Why could see Dean in her mind right now. Why was it the thought of the Winchesters being hurt by Chuck hurt her?

She let out a cry of frustration and an angel turned to look at her. “What are you looking at?” Amara snapped at it. Angels were not her favourite beings, always admiring Chuck, worshipping Chuck. They knew who he really was, they knew he had abandoned them all and still they were blindly devoted to him. Angels were suck ups. The angel sunk into the wall, trying to look as small and unimportant as they could be. Amara stormed into the throne room, throwing open the doors as she approached. Chuck would be in here she imagined. “Brother?” She spoke to the room. It was empty after all, he was not here, but she knew he could hear her “Where are you?” She went on, walking around the room, touching the throne of Heaven as she did. She knew that would get his attention for sure. There was no reply. Naturally. “Brother, don’t ignore me”

Doctor Theos pushed open the door. Adam didn’t pay him any attention. He came into the room a lot now. Sometimes he would just stand and watch Adam, silently observing him. Sometimes he spoke to Adam. Other times Adam’s head was so foggy he couldn’t remember entire conversations. At times, Adam had the impression the doctor was talking to himself.

For Chuck, the room was simply a small office in an abandoned warehouse. Adam was slumped against the wall, sitting on the ground. Chuck never moved Adam out of this room, in fact Adam had not moved at all since Chuck brought him here, Adam only believed he was walking around. Adam finally looked up. His bed was so soft. The room was warm. The room was cold and damp. A naked bulb the only light. It never got turned off. “Hi” Adam said, he yawned. He was always feeling tired now. “Do we have another therapy session?” “We do” Chuck smiled “Today I wanted to talk more about your delusions. You see Adam, I find in my patients if we talk about recurring themes, we can often find a pattern. This means I want you to tell me what Michael used to tell you” Adam frowned “He’s not real though” Chuck smiled. “He’s not real, yes, but this will help you. Now, before you told me Michael was making you both hide from this evil God. Why was he hiding? What did he find? What has Michael told you” Adam at the doctor. He was holding a clipboard, sitting on Adam’s bed with him. He was smiling again. “He” Adam began “He was scared. He told my brothers -Sorry, I mean I don’t have brothers- but Michael had been speaking to two other guys. God was coming for Michael because Michael told his secret, but Michael wasn’t just gonna run, he was finding a way to fight back against God. He said he knew how to take the Light from God. I don’t know what that means, it’s just my brain making things up right?”

Chuck leaned in “What did Michael learn? How was he planning on taking God’s Light? How far into his plans is he?” Adam blinked “Adam” Chuck pressed on “Tell me” “I-I- Don’t know” Adam got out “It’s just my brain making things up. I don’t know. Michael was scared, he moved fast, he was looking for God everywhere, scared we were being followed. He didn’t tell me. He didn’t show me. He pushed me down before I could see” Chuck glared at Adam in disgust, but to Adam, the doctor was smiling warmly “I see” Chuck said. He stood up. Adam watched as the doctor stood “Time for your medication, Adam” he said. Adam was confused. He took his medication at night. It was daytime “But, it’s not time yet, I take th-“ Adam gasped. Chuck brought his hand up and clicked his fingers. Adam collapsed backwards onto the floor. He was unconscious before he could finish talking. In hours he would awaken without remembering anything at all.

Chuck was seething. Of course Michael would have covered his tracks. Glaring down at the empty vessel of Michael’s, Chuck wanted to burn him up, cell by cell, both to punish Michael and the Winchesters, however the longer he kept Adam alive, the more he could make Michael suffer. However, would Michael even know if he killed Adam. He didn’t have to find out. Adam could be gone Michael would still think they could be hope and then Chuck will crush it. If Adam really didn’t know anything, he was useless to Chuck... “Ooooh” Chuck moaned, a smile appearing on his face. He lifted his had up again and held it in Adam’s direction. He focused on Adam’s blood, making it all pile up on itself, bursting veins, exploding cells. Crushing his lungs as they tried to expand. He watched as Adam’s breathing turned shallow and fast. Watched as the colour drained from his face as his body twitched.

Brother … Brother Brother Chuck rolled his eyes. Why did she always have to call him when he is busy! Blood was dripping from Adam’s mouth, but he was still alive. BROTHER She wasn’t going to give up, so in a glow of light, Chuck located his sister and flew in her direction, she was in a park waiting for him. “Amara” He said. He wasn’t happy to see her, not after she abandoned him in Reno and allowed him to walk all over the earth. Family loyalty was something she didn’t get.

“Brother” She said to him “What are you doing?”

Chuck sighed, she was always moaning at him too. “You’re gonna have to be specific. I’m going like three or four things right now. Creating a new book, chasing up a few loose ends, punishing my son, making music, eating” “I meant with the Winchesters, their brother” Chuck’s eyes narrowed “Have you been spying on me Amara? You know I don’t like that. What I do with my toys has nothing to do with you” “It does if it concerns the Winchesters” The nerve of her! Chuck felt himself getting angry, he closed the distance between him and his sister and grabbed her wrist “I said they are my toys. I created them. You understand?” She pulled her arm out of his grip “Don’t touch me, Chuck. You know what I can do to you” Chuck backed down, yes, he knew what she could do. The day Sam and Dean let her free was his greatest regret. He should have stopped them, but he had been too soft. Now he was paying for that “I’m going now” Chuck spat “Don’t expect me to answer your prayers again Sister”. He hissed out the last word as if it was the greatest insult he could give her. And then he was gone. Amara breathed deeply. If she wanted answers, she would find them herself. The answers she wanted were sitting drinking beer at their kitchen table. Dean swore loudly and pulled out his gun. Sam jumped to his feet, his hair flying around as he spun around to face her “AMARA!” They both shouted at the same time. Dean didn’t lower the gun. At the table was a boy Amara didn’t know, however she had an idea of who he was, he looked just like his father after all. Next to him was the Winchester’s angel. She never quite remembered his name, but she knew he once said yes to Lucifer. He was not important enough for her. Sam and Dean moved closer together, blocking the boy from her sight, his blue eyes on Amara, looking at her in surprise, in wonder. The angel stood too, his hand on the child. Amara was reminded of animals protecting their young. Right now the Winchesters and their pet angel were not the friendliest, however what really bothered her was the child. She could only imagine what he could do to her.

“I’m not here for trouble, so you can put your gun away Dean” She said, looking at Dean and yet again feeling that connection between them. He still had his gun pointed at her, which bothered her in a small way. Was he really going to try and hurt her again? They both knew Dean could never hurt her. “I think not” Dean said, “Why are you here?” Straight to businesses then.

“When I was here last, I didn’t learn everything it seems.” She paused; Dean still had the gun pointed at her head “Do you have another brother? One who said yes to Michael?” The effect this one sentence had on them was confirmation alone. Sam’s mouth opened and he mouthed something Amara didn’t get, and Dean’s eyebrows lowered

“Adam” Sam said “Why? What’s happened? Amara!” Dean lowered his gun only so slightly Amara didn’t answer right away. She loved Dean, however he would never see her as anything but the bad party, even though she was the wronged one. If she offered to help this brother of theirs, maybe then… “Michael and your brother are no longer together. Michael is in heaven’s jail and Chuck is hurting your brother”

There was deadly silence in the room “Where is Adam?” Sam asked. Dean lowered his gun “That son of a bitch!” he yelled, his voice echoing off the walls. The child was looking from the Angel to the brothers in confusion. “I do not know” Amara told them “My brother has him, Michael doesn’t know either.” “Where’s Michael?” The angel asked Amara. “He’s in jail” She said, uncaring. Michael was not her concern, none of her nephews meant anything to her. Not even this kid who was still looking at her. They were nothing, he was nothing. She had washed her hands of the lot. “We must get him out. He can find Adam. Adam is his vessel. We must go to heaven” The angel actually stood up, as if he were to go right now. That made Amara laugh. “You do know you cant just break another angel out of there? My brother made those cells himself, the warding on those cells are far too much for an ordinary angel to break out off” The Winchesters turned to look at her “No” She said “I’m not breaking him out. Michael hurt me remember, him, Lucifer, Raphael and Gabriel. He can rot in there and the others can rot in the empty for what they did to me” Dean was looking right at her “Adam is family” He said, looking her right in the eye “And we need him. We already let him down twice now. We couldn’t protect him, and he died, later he had to say yes to Michael because I refused. Then we threw him in Hell. This is on us. Please, help us find our brother”. Damn those eyes.

Amara pressed her lips. She didn’t want to let Michael out at all. It ruined everything she wanted right now, but then she remembered. If she was to fully become her better self, then maybe…

BANG Michael’s wings flew up, he had been dozing asleep, something he only ever did recently to recover from his wounds. The doors has been blown open and there stood Amara framed, dust and debris flying. Michael rubbed his eyes to clear them off dust, he was shocked by the sudden turn of events. Had she changed her mind on hurting him or was this something else? She walked up to him, as he was sitting on the floor he had to look up to see her face, his golden brown eyes looking up at her. He was not even more messy, which she was secretly happy about. “How about a jail break?” She asked him.

[bl6ckr0s3]

Continuing My Manifestations

So....from the last couple of readings I had done with Cait, here are the conclusions. I have observed a lot of Mike's patterns. When he normally texts me in the evenings, but sometimes there will be days or nights where he will go without communicating with me at all. Usually doesn't contact me on his days off which are Tue/Wed [ Wed/Thur tour 1 schedule ]. We have spent a couple of breaks in his car and the opportunity of being able to make out with him and give him oral was very erotic. Being able to touch him in general was very soothing and comforting to my soul. The last time we hung out in his Honda Accord, he held my hand the whole time which was really nice. He gave me a 1/2 hug once before he took a few days off to go to his camping trip with a friend. I thought we would've had a chance to go out together last night, but sadly I didn't hear from him at all yesterday. He stopped texting me after we spoke about CA, I hope he wasn't annoyed or angry about it because the topic of politics came up and I told him I didn't care for politics in general. After all the negativity of the subject regarding my old home state came up, thinking about it and how people respond to politics just gives me a fucking headache. Hopefully, my impression on Mike not easily getting annoyed or angry easily has not been wrong, because for moment I thought I felt him becoming annoyed which could've lead to why he stopped texting for the remainder of the night. He was working on his Jeep on his days off, he was hoping the parts he ordered came in yesterday morning. That's part of the reason he we probably didn't end up going out because he said it depended on how the night goes with the work on his Jeep.

I took the 955 maintenance test over a week ago. I had to call off work on Tuesday evening in order to study the flash cards. It ended up being a day I got emotional thinking about Josh's unreliability of helping out financially and thinking about Ricky's plans on moving out of the country to the Philippines to raise Lim in an Asian atmosphere. I hardly see my son right now as it is except for still being able to Zoom online once a week. The child custody case is on Apr. 2, so I finished working on an income form and making copies of my pay stubs as well as proof of payments for my bills to submit for the court to view. I have also received a copy of my Sister's Trust documents to have on record. I did fairly well on the 955 test, overall got a B average score. My lowest score was the Electronic part which was a 75% score, still not bad for a weak subject to my knowledge. I am glad I got it done and over with, and tomorrow I have the computer knowledge test to take in the afternoon before going into work. This should be very simple and easy for me, there's no reason why I can't get a 100% on this one, but this test is in relation to the maintenance service clerk position. Now, it's all about awaiting for an interview.

I been constantly trying to do my meditations to continue to try to manifest into getting into the maintenance position. If I get the chance to start training in Oklahoma, there's a good chance that I may be able to spend some time with Mike at the hotel during my stay there, of course that's not my main focus. My main focus is the job itself and learning as much as I can. Being able to spend that time with Mike will actually be a bonus. I have had visions about it happening and then having that one dream about sitting in his truck with him carpooling to Oklahoma was pretty trippy to me. I'm gonna wait to see if anything happens in this next coming month of April because this is going to determine whether my future will change for the better now or if I would have to continue to wait and suffer my financial burdens of struggle.

Joshua hasn't worked in almost 2 straight weeks. He owes this dude that he got into an accident with a lot of money, & yet he hasn't attempted to go out to work a days work to make any money. He's awaiting a letter he's suppose to be receiving from somebody, maybe that's the money that he's hoping to receive which can be a reason why he's choosing not to work. So far nothing in the mail has arrived for him. I been checking the mail everyday in case I get something important from my job. I have shopped for food and necessities as well as finally getting the 2 rear tires replaced and an oil change. I am currently awaiting to receive the tax return from Yvonne to see if I will get anything back. I truly hope that I will not be owing any money this time since I have set the federal tax amount to be taking out extra from each of my checks for the past year. I am allowed to claim Lim this year since Ricky hasn't worked for months. If I can get some money back, then I can use that money to get my front brakes replaced and the tires rotated along with a wheel alignment.

Joshua hasn't given me any drama since the last time. He's been just trapping himself in his bedroom most of the time nowadays. As usual, he made his choice not to attend church again. Since I missed Sunday's service, i made it to the service on yesterday evening at least. Our locale in Huntsville, AL is getting ready to have its renovations and Brother Isiah wants everybody to be there for a group picture to send to Brother Eduardo V. Manalo. With any luck if everything goes as I hoped, I can make plans on saving up money to fly to CA and get rent a minivan or a big SUV to move some more of my possessions from the storage and bring them here. I want to bring more of my clothes and shoes, and other possessions over that I can surely use over here. It would be even nicer if I can have my own personal 1 bedroom apartment to myself and not worry about being around Joshua anymore. If Joshua decides to move out soon, it would be nice, too either way I'm not expecting that he's gonna be of much help to me because he's been doing the same shit as he's been doing during our entire relationship. Just dumping his money on music on eating out fast food instead of helping with bills. I don't want to keep spending $300 a month on storage, but I may not have much of a choice unless I am able to move my things into a smaller storage after picking a few things up to bring over here. It will cost about at least $800-$1000 to rent a minivan or an SUV for the trip to move some of my stuff here. I don't have money to get a whole Uhaul truck, if i'm gonna be saving up that much money it would be for my own apartment when the lease is up. During the Christmas time I can work a ton of over time to make that money and save temperarily for it. For now, that's is all I hope to be able to achieve for this year.

On a final note, Cait's readings were rather interesting regarding me and Mike. She said if we hadn't been intimate together yet, we will eventually. Our union will be most extremely passionate and hot! Our sex together is going to be explosive, the best sex we will ever have in our entire life. My friend Celeste told me that she was able to reach orgasm with her twin flame, Johnathon. If no man can make me cum during intercourse and Mike has the possibility of being able to do that to me, I will certainly be very impressed. Cait said that once we become intimate, we will begin to do it for frequently, spending more time alone together to the point where our connection may become messy that that may be the cause of his wife, Lacey finding out about us. Cait feels bad for her and that it's gonna suck so bad, but our connection and union is destined. Our connection is so powerful that we won't be able to keep apart for long. We were bound together around this time for a reason, but eventualy Mike's marriage will come to an end, it's not gonna last especially if Cait has pulled the death card on their marriage, but I did ended the relationship with Joshua already. Now it's Mike's turn, but sadly in his situation there are kids involved with a house, so it's gonna be a huge challenge for Mike if he ends up going through a break up with Lacey. She is apparently vulnerable right now, too because of her health issues and she's not gonna want him to leave. We shall see what will happen later on, but for now, I'm focused on trying to get into the maintenance position.

[saemantic]

Me as A Culprit

Archived from write.as; written on November 29, 2021

Writing things is always a good idea. As I went back to read my old things (which means the last 3 posts in this blog, journal, whatever is this), I began to realize my own thinking pattern and my problem, and it does help a lot with clearing my mind and figuring out how I actually feel about things, and most importantly, what step I need to take after realizing all the problem.

The most hard-hitting shit that I've read (and written, as I was the one who wrote that), is about how I am “being imprisoned by my own thoughts” and how “my habit of shoving problems under the rug is the doom of my existence”.

Life is not a novel, life is not an anime, it is filled with plenty of spectrums and bubbles of problems and events, but I think my 21 years old self's redemption arc is to hone the art of self-acceptance and overcoming fears.

The more I think about it, the more I realized that the one who is actually holding me back from taking a step further is myself. Me, my anxiety, my fear, and my overthinking tendency. Four horsemen of the apocalypse.

Here is the thing though: I am not disregarding my worries and thoughts as things that are not important; because they are important. Those things stemmed from issues that are real, and I need to accept that. That my fear and worry come from something that wounded me. That I shouldn't belittle myself and my problems and I need to accept the fact that yes, I have a problem. Yes, it is in my head, but it doesn't mean that it's not real. Yes, I need to accept it. But also, yes, because only by acknowledging my own problem then I can find a way to fix it.

There is a balance in everything, and it's a concept that I have been familiar with for a long time, but now thinking about it, it can also be implemented in the negative feelings and worries that I have. Thinking about things is important because only by that I will not be reckless. But also, I shouldn't get overboard, because it will hinder me to take a step further in something that I do.

I still don't know how to find this balance, so I think it can also be added to the list of things that I need to work on.

Liberating yourself from your own thoughts and worries... Taking a step further... But not being reckless about it.

Pinnacle of success, I will say.

After I submitted my thesis draft, apologized for the delay caused by my own misery, and braced myself to face the consequences... I feel very liberated.

And look at the result. Nothing bad happened. And if there were something bad happened, I think I wouldn't regret sending that draft, because I've tried and I could see the result. That at least it was a step further to achieve my goal.

“What is there to be so scared of?”

TMI, but there is this fic that resonates with me so much, and there is this particular dialogue when Atsumu cries his fears out and Osamu says “what is there to be so scared of?”. I was so deeply moved I cried. I fucking wailed. I never thought how much I needed to hear that, even though practically it was not directed to me. But seeing it, reading about it, thinking about it, I can't help but feel this, this relief. That letting go of the fears that eat me up and taking a step further, trying the best I can do, is something worth doing. That at the end of the day, things will be fine. Even though the process hurts like hell, there will be something worth fighting for. That sometimes our tunnel vision creates this fear that is actually not that big of a deal.

I can't explain how I exactly feel about this whole thing, but I know how much it means to me and my coward ass. So, whenever you feel doubtful, when you worry too much you feel suffocated, just. Slap yourself. Look at yourself in the mirror. And ask yourself.

“What is there to be so scared of?”

Things will be fine. If it's not, failure is a social construct. You don't fail, when things do not work like how you intended to be, it is part of growth. It doesn't mean you are a failure, it means you are growing, it is a process, and by that, you can learn.

Experience is a brutal teacher, but god, you will learn.

So, yeah. What is there to be so scared of?

[innerpeacesanctum]

How to Get Rid of Negative Energy

So you have negative energy, and you want to find a way to get rid of it? Signs of stored negative energy are

Affected Mood. You have mood swing after mood swing and it seems like it's never-ending. Most of the time, you will wake up in a bad mood for no reason at all and you wonder what could be making you feel like this. It's negative energy!

Physical Symptoms. You are continuously hurting and aching, and you may live on ibuprofen. It's nothing serious, you are just surrounded by negative energy.

Sleep Problems. You are either not sleeping at all, having broken sleep patterns or you sleep way too much. Nightmares, very weird dreams and sleep paralysis can occur too.

Relationships. All of this can affect your relationships whether it's your partner, your friends, your coworkers, your kids.

     In my experience, I have had all of this happen to me. Sometimes it can be serious and take it's toll on your life. There are times where I've walked out on a job without a word, I've disappeared and went MIA on those who love me, I struggle with sleep, etc. It ruins your life if you don't learn to rid yourself of negativity. There is no simple solution, no quick fix to rid yourself. It takes effort and it is very difficult. You can't just light a candle and say a few prayers to make it go away. You have to work on yourself. You have to rewire your brain, self-reflect, set boundaries, and rid yourself of certain people in your life. It is so much deeper than what everybody thinks and you have to do it daily.

     There are different types of negative energy that people hold onto.

Talking to ourselves negatively will make an impact on the way you feel and the way you see yourself. And all of that negativity will reflect on our every day life such as work and relationships.

Negativity also stems from our culture and society. The way the world tells us to act, how to behave, what we should and shouldn’t say, etc and not be our true self.

Ancestry also has a part to play in it too. We hear stories that are passed down through generations from our family members and most of those stories are weighted with trauma. So when we hear those, we take it all in and the negativity we are already holding onto feeds off of more negative energy. And so it just builds up and we store it away, in return our lives become more difficult. It has an impact on our life.

Unaddressed emotions and thoughts are a big part of it. Every single person on this earth has had some sort of trauma in their life. And if you really look around, there really isn't anybody who you can talk to. You're scared of what that person will think or scared of how they react because you don't want them to add anymore negativity than you already have. And because of that, you are terrified that if you get a negative reaction from them, you will implode. And so, we hold onto those emotions. We hide them deep down and cover it up with a smile and pretend everything is okay. Fake it til you make it, right? WRONG! You  have to overcome that. Tell people how you feel and what you think, no matter their reaction. But at the same time, also be wise of who you open up to as well.

     There are many ways to rid yourself of negative energy. You just have to put in the effort and commit to it every day. I will admit that I still have trouble and I am not where I need to be yet. But I know that if I keep working at it, that I will get there. Methods that are very helpful are:

Reframing your mindset. Ask yourself why you're feeling the way you are, control the way you react to certain situations, etc. When you have a negative emotion or thought pop up, allow yourself to feel it and breathe. Don't just dismiss it. Breathe through it. Breathing helps you release that energy. Once you teach yourself how to release those negative emotions, you can eventually learn how to prevent them from happening or prevent them from getting really bad.

Detachment! Detach yourself from energy that isn't yours! Set yourself as many boundaries as you need to protect your peace. Examples are situations where there are unnecessary arguments, uncomfortable vibes from other individuals, etc. If you receive an off feeling from a person, place, event, or anything else, say no and mean it. Always trust that "gut feeling" because from my experience, it never ever fails you. You can also set energetic boundaries too. If you are an empath, you can set boundaries where you can avoid processing other people's energies. Ask yourself which emotions are yours and which emotions are somebody else's.

Submerging yourself in water is very helpful in clearing out any negative energy that is attached to you. Water is a very powerful cleansing agent. Whether it's a bath, shower, ocean or a lake; being in water allows you to be more in tune with yourself. We are made of water so it only makes sense. As you submerge yourself, think of which energies you need to release.

Meditation is a powerful way to examine and pinpoint on where the negative energy is coming from. It takes a lot of focus and even more patience.

They say spending time in nature is the best medicine, and it is 100% true. The Earth is one of the most powerful energy healers that we have free access to. Grounding yourself heals you. Walk outside barefoot, breathe, listen and observe. Acknowledge and feel the earth's energy using all of your senses.

And the last one is affirmations. What we say to ourselves matters. If we put ourselves down, it's going to attract negativity and then we reflect that negativity onto others, and it creates nothing but chaos. Rather than saying negative things to yourself, say positive things instead. The more you speak positive to yourself, positive energy will replace negative energy. Negativity doesn't want to dwell in a positive mindset and spirit. Negativity is attached to negativity. Positivity is attached to positivity. So once you keep doing this and staying positive, negativity will stay away. Don't open a door for any negative energy to pass through. It's very easy to let in and very difficult to get out.

      So take this however you need to and use it to your advantage. Sending light, love, prayers, and positive energy to everybody who needs it!