#is when everything falls apart
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never like trauma dumping on tumblr but this is my only safe place to rant about shit…
#berry rant (˵•̀⤙•́˵)૭#so um trigger warning#every time i think im getting better#is when everything falls apart#car broke down#no longer can use it#ipad stopped charging??#i use it for college#so fuck#and worst of all#i might lose my house#mom can’t afford it on disability#me and my brother applied everywhere#still no response#walgreens please hire me#also my mom just told me she almost committed because of this#and my brother is saying he will never talk to my mom again#there has always been family issues#gonna use my college savings to help keep the house for ass long as i can#don’t know how much 3grand will help#luckily i don’t pay for college rn cause i go to a community school#but the fund was to help pay for next year#but i would rather have a roof over my head#than have a college degree rn
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on a completely separate note; shizun luo binghe with a disciple shen yuan who fell into the abyss??? *thinks about LBH canonically stealing SQQ's corpse for 5 years* he'd hallucinate i think. like, like visual and audial hallucinations.
Keeps thinking he's seeing SQQ in the corner of his eyes, or wandering between the trees, amongst a group of disciples. Thinks he hears him calling for him, but its just the wind or another disciple.
Gets Xiu Ya reforged but patently fucking refuses to make a sword mound. Because his disciple Is Not Dead :))) There was No Body. He's Not Dead. And If You keep Insisting That He Is, He's Gonna Skewer You :). He's holding onto Xiu Ya so he can return his most favored disciple's sword when he returns. It's on his hip right next to Zheng Yang where it's supposed to be.
Also this motherfucker?? does not sleep btw. He has the image of SQQ, wide eyed and hysterical and standing at the mouth of the abyss burned into his fucking eyelids. Can't use the dreamscape to escape it either because he keeps trying to save him and either he does and it's an incredibly cruel trick to wake up to, or he doesn't and he gets his heart broken in several different pieces again.
There is no convincing this man that Shen Qingqiu is dead. Absolutely nothing at all. He is buried so deep in denial that moles would be jealous of how deep he is. He keeps making tea for two in the bamboo house only to remember that it's just him. SQQ's fans are hiding everywhere, little reminders of his presence. He goes to wake up SQQ on the mornings he sleeps in-- only to find the room empty.
#svsss#luo binghe#svsss au#scum villain#scum villian self saving system#shen yuan#shen qingqiu#disciple shen yuan#lbh. visibly exhausted and with twitchy eyes: im fine :) | everyone else: ho no the fuck you ARENT.#SQQ was hysterical not because he found out LBH was half-demon but bc he was having a long-awaited mental breakdown over his autonomy :)#or (limited) lack thereof. he was having a sudden onset crisis of mortality and was handling at quite literally the WORST time. oops#im thinking very hard that LBH would never push his disciple into the abyss especially with no system to force him to. so SQQ either#had to goad him into it (failing always) or throw himself in. he ended up doing it himself but not before some very impressive hysterics.#BUT ALSO. IF THIS HAD BEEN WHERE SQQ WAS THE HALF-HEAVENLY DEMON INSTEAD IT WOULD'VE BEEN SO GREAT.#and by great i mean horribly angsty bc SQQ is NOT doing too hot and has. in very SY-like fashion. convinced himself that LBH will kill him#when he finds out he's a demon. so when it comes out i have this mental image of him lunging at LBH and LBH flinches back. but SQQ wraps hi#hands around the blade of Zheng Yang and yanks it up so the tip of the blade is digging into his chest where is heart is. LBH can't yank th#sword away without risking slicing into SQQ's hands. SQQ's hair has fallen out of its tail/bun and is now messily spilling down his#back and its NO helping the kinda deranged look he has going on. he's visibly shaking and his eyes keep flittering away and back at LBH's#face. SQQ is looking at the messages from the system warning him that he has to go into the abyss or punishment will occur. he's like.#rambling though. talking about how shizun doesn't *like* unclean things and there is nothing more unclean than a demon. like he is#INSISTING. LBH can't?? get a fucking word in. actually. SY isn't listening that much either anyways. too overwhelmed with the system and#the amount of stress he's under and his crumbling mental state and the innate and primal desire to live even when he's standing in front of#his own executioner. it all ends with him sitting on the ground at the lip of the abyss with his hair falling in his face. he looks so#unkempt and fallen apart and so distinctly *non-Shen Qingqiu* that LBH feels physically ill over it. tears are streaming down SQQ's face#and despite everything he is smiling. its not a nice smile. its a very frayed falling apart at the seams about to crack smile.#he tells shizun not to worry about staining his blade with this disciple's filthy blood because this disciple will take care of it himself.#and then he falls into the abyss before luo binghe can so much as grab him. the only reason LBh doesn't literally jump in after him is bc#he was numb with shock and the abyss was already closed before he could feel his legs again :]
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so rhaenyra starts s3 with a god complex, believing herself to be the prince that was promised from aegon the conqueror's dream... but hugh and ulf will betray her, mysaria will misunderstand her, coryls will undermine her, bartimos will underestimate her, daemon will abandon her, her people will turn against her and burn her castle and kill her dragon. and when everyone who accepted rhaenyra as queen rejects her, the only person left to love rhaenyra will be alicent, who never loved rhaenyra as queen but rhaenyra as a person ("she was the vision that sustained him [...] it was his love for her that kept him resolute in his choice of heir."). alicent, who abandoned her gods and duty to go to rhaenyra on dragonstone and appeal to the person beneath the crown ("i cast myself on the mercy of a friend who once loved me."). alicent, who's made a god of rhaenyra, not as queen, but as the girl she read with beneath the godswood ("come with me.").
#and rhaenyra won't accept it at first#she'll refuse to believe that she was wrong and that the prophecy wasn't about her because she's lost so much#and i don't know how she will eventually come to the realization that she isn't the prince who was promised#but i think it will be when she's forced to sell her crown and make an attempt at escape (maybe with alicent)#and so ultimately#rhaenyra's love for alicent was her downfall#because a lot of the grievances her council has will be directly/indirectly related to rhaenyra protecting alicent#and rhaenyra's love for alicent keeping her grounded to her humanity while the world around her tries to turn her into an unfeeling queen#and so the love works against the system#because the love cannot exist within the system without everything falling apart#so by taking alicent prisoner rhaenyra is dooming herself to fail at being queen#because in that moment rhaenyra - like alicent in 2x08 - chooses love over duty#hotd#alicent hightower#rhaenicent#hotd spoilers#rhaenyra targaryen#house of the dragon
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Luffy + being completely normal about Zoro.
#tvedit#onepieceedit#oplaedit#one piece live action#opla#monkey d. luffy#roronoa zoro#zolu#one piece#zoro#luffy#myedit#mygifs#long post#THEY'RE SO#luffy always being so happy to see zoro and thinking he's cool makes me feel things ok#luffy: if i had a first mate i would hype him up so much -#also the fact that when everything's seemingly falling apart the person he wants (needs) most by his side........is zoro#im so unwell#also maybe im just a simple man but 'i'd do anything to save him. anything. except stand in the way of his dream' goes so hard#love is real actually#this isn't even all of it......but if i giffed more this post wouldn't end#love them so much
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im a child of divorce
#the bit is over when i say its over and even when its so joever for these two its not over for me!!! (once again i am on heavy copium)#anyway. thoughts behind the spoiler tags#gempearl#shiny duo#wild life smp#life series spoilers#wild life spoilers#i feel like. i actually was expecting that#no but its so funny the one time the negative consequences of something does actually get acknowledged its the SL finale ‘betrayal’/j#like cmon fuck me i guess/j (BIG EMPHASIS. ON THE SLASH J. OKAY.)#but honestly though i did expect Gem to hold a grudge over the 2v1 in SL. and. its good that there are consequences???#it IS a ‘betrayal’ in Gem’s eyes. they were friends. they were murder besties for the last two sessions and then Pearl chose Scar over her#and its awesome man. [through gritted teeth] this is awesome man this will be good for character development ok ok ok. ok?#its also got something to do with Pearl having the red creep in. i think#because during SL Gem was like. nearly idolising the Scarlet Pearl persona while vaguely aware that her own reputation has a similar effect#and yknow. the horrors. the fact that their image is so heavily built on what others deem them to be and they can only play into it#but by the end of SL Gem gets ‘betrayed’ by this persona that she looked up to#and also her own ‘GeminiSlay’ intimidating image is also starting to fall apart. partly of her own will#and now shes watching Pearl slowly turn red again. and this time she knows its not good for her or Pearl#so shes distancing herself from it. shes ‘trying to fix her reputation’. she sees Pearl falling into it again and just. no. i dont love you#you betrayed me last season#but on Pearl’s end of things she’s already deep into the idea that as long as you say you ‘forgive’ someone then everything thats happened#in the past doesn’t matter and they can all be friends. and nooo absolutely no grudges will be held. no emotional repression here#so. because thats happened to her in her own team she thinks the same can happen with her and Gem#and thats so. im going to blow myself up now
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THIRTY-ONE DAYS OF GHOST ⛧ DAY ONE
first song you heard — Mary On A Cross
September 1969; Papa Nihil and the beginning of the Ghost Project take to the stage at the Whiskey a Go Go club in Los Angeles, under the watchful eye of Sister Imperator. Fifty-three years later, in Tampa, Florida, Papa Emeritus the Fourth performs Mary On A Cross, unaware that he is singing the story of his parents—and that of himself.
#note: i'm aware this song is about so much more than the fictional ghost story. just really enjoying that aspect of it rn#very nearly didn't do this series because some people are a bit silly about fans who heard moac as the first song. i'm owning it sdkjcksh#it wasn't the song that made me a fan as i will show in the next post but moac slaps so hard and#if you only like moac and nothing else you're still a ghestie to me <3#not my fault i was on instagram in autumn of 2022#i was going through some stuff then and listening to clips of this pretty song on random videos was something i enjoyed#didn't know the name of it or who sung it but kept hearing it at 4am when i couldn't sleep and everything was falling apart around me#when all i could do was try to escape it until the morning#i feel a bit stupid saying this but when i listen to it now and remember hearing it back then#it's like ghost was there for me even when i didn't know it#waiting for me to find them and everything their music would teach me#until the time was right#ghost31#papa emeritus iv#the band ghost#papa nihil#sister imperator#mary on a cross#user copia edits#user copia all tag#wait for the next tags i'm also tagging:#rite here rite now spoilers#i'm emotional about their messed up little family finding each other right at the very end. they never let each other go#flashing gif#<- ig
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y'all ever think abt how it was julie having the affair and it is even said multiple times that she was the one who left him, yet wilson was still the one who left their home and moved in with house. like. he couldn't bear to stay in their home alone. he immediately ran to house and stayed on his couch for weeks. suffered through his pranks and his laziness and his manipulation. telling him he wants him gone while sabotaging his attempts to leave. and he only left once he got a girlfriend again.
#chyanne speaks#house md#hilson#hate crimes md#gregory house#james wilson#i think his inability to be alone is such an interesting quality of his that isnt touched on enough#like yes we all haha at his long string of unsuccessful relationships but we dont talk abt it all stemming from his inability to be alone#his first wife leaves him and then he remarried quickly#he cheats on the second wife and remarries quickly#the third wife cheats on him and leaves him and he immediately moves in with house#and then starts dating a patient and immediately moves in with her#but!!! then he moves into the hotel and is alone for like almost a year! and honestly he NEEDED IT#bc GROWTH happened in that year and he meets someone who doesn't fit his M.O. who breaks away from the mold#although he does immediately move in with her too but still. amber was different. she was the step in the right direction#and then she dies.#and then wilson throws himself into the left field. everything needs to change. he's spent so long fearing being alone.#so he tries to leave so he is completely and totally alone without house to fall back on#but house needs him. he needs him too much. they need each other too much.#and he falls back to house again. and he's content that way. he's always the most content when he's with house. always feels the least alone#and then sam comes back into his life and ruins e v e r y t h i n g#he falls right back onto those old patterns. kicks house out and moves her in. and then what happens??? of course??? she leaves him. again.#and then he's alone again and it hurts. he gets a cat that we only hear about twice and then never gets brought up again#but wilson has his kitty. he has house. he's not alone. he can be content.#and then house fucks everything up. he goes to prison. wilson is alone again.#im honestly SHOCKED that wilson didnt remarry in that year they were apart but he was rly trying to change!#he was working on himself and trying to make changed he thought would be good for him#and then house comes back. and house won't LET wilson be alone. he wont leave him alone.#and it's exactly what wilson has been yearning for since the day he drove that car into cuddys house#and in the end. as long as he had house that was all that mattered. as long as he had house he wasn't alone.
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Will never get over how Starscream and Skyfire's relationship is always doomed. There's never an iteration of them where they both stay on the same side at the end. They always end up being against each other, tearing each other apart (whether intentionally or not). They always end up losing each other, be it by a snowstorm, by the war, or by death itself. They never receive a happy ending together, one if not both of them is doomed to suffer.
Skyfire is doomed to be an Autobot, by forces out of his control. Starscream is doomed to be an Decepticon, by his own self destructive tendencies. They are both doomed, because of who they are. They always try to save the other, in their own way. But it never works. They are doomed to fail, whether they stay together or not.
#Starscream and skyfire are parallels of optimus and Megatron. do you understand me.#believing in someone when no one else did. seeing something worth supporting when no one else did. being the one person they trust.#they both ended up being torn apart by the war and their own ideals. losing each other because of their conflicting views.#one became an autobot and the other became a decepticon. one of them must fall.#i have lots of feelings about them yknow.#doomed yaoi shit going on here#will never get over how much g1 starscream cared about skyfire. like. he kept trying to have skyfire stay by his side#he was still a shitty guy and treated skyfire like shit but there was genuine care and emotion under it all. he still cared#i need a universe where they get to reconcile. where they get to be happy. pull an earthspark and let them be friends again#i need a skyfire who learns to love and accept post-war Starscream. i need a Starscream who despite everything still want skyfire with him.#i need them not to be doomed but rather learn and grow. accept the flaws and faults of the past and learn to move on#can you tell i love skystar#can you tell i love them#skyfire#jetfire#starscream#transformers#transformers g1#g1 transformers#the fire burns#skystar
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in the tomb of saint gabriel
(may your woes be many)
#ultrakill#v1#gabriel#ummm....hi.#couldn't stop thinking about a fallen angel gabe boss fight ok!!!#his tomb is fashioned after his role in the annunciation#with a sculpture that depicts gabriel in his human guise as its centerpiece#importantly....this is not his true face at all but it looms over his casket#a perfect image that is perpetuated to both deny his fall and to shame him at the same time#in the fight itself he can no longer fly or teleport nor can he conjure any weapons#he's just fast and brutal and definitely goes after v1's wings#he's lost in his mental and physical anguish doing everything he can to tear v1 apart#REALLY leaning into when he said 'fight me like an animal' ig....#like i imagine him a lot like a bull....even using his horns maybe.....#doodle tag#UHUH i might do some more sketches but nothing so involved !!!#i can't see straight after staring at a billion cathedrals#ALSO i'll get back to asks soon thank u for ur patience!!#rise and fall au
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just heard someone refer to elon musk as PayPalpatine and this is the only way I will be referring to him from now on
#especially to men#who are still not willing to admit that this man is not a genius#you cannot say he “revolutionized” car building when the cars are falling apart#how is it “revolutionary” when everything he does results in a worse product?#“well if you look at the money...”#it's not revolutionary#it's greedy#and embarassing#fuck paypalpatine
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Read an infuriating post about The Bad Batch once that went along the lines of this:
“Echo can keep rescuing the regs with Rex or something, lol, but the rest of the Batch deserve to settle down in Pabu at the end of the series!”
Or something.
Or something.
Yeah, that’s our Echo.
Our ARC trooper, who blew up in battle, spent years as a POW, had his body and mind used as a twisted science experiment to the point where he’s not even considered a regular member of the army anymore, commando, resilient, bad-ass pilot, soldier, dude who had the opportunity to run away like a fucking coward and he said NAH SON THAT AIN'T ME, GIVE MOMMA BIRD HER BEATING STICK and proceeded to run right back into danger to save his brothers using his screwdriver hand and his RAGE and his MAN SKIRT and his MIGHTY FURROWED BROW and FUCK YOU IF YOU'RE GONNA STOP MOMMA BIRD FROM RESCUING EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THE BABIES.
“Or something”.
Gotta also love how rescuing slaves - their biological siblings, people they grew up with - is less important than retiring on paradise according to this clown.
Echo's goals for saving his people is seen like a fucking HOBBY.
And this, the last episodes of the series, this badass shines like a goddamned diamond. Folks I am VINDACTED.
Echo rescued his brothers and sisters.
Echo helped destroy an Imperial facility that effectively ended testing on clones, what he went through.
Echo convinced one of the scientists to help him keep unraveling the Empire's evil plans at the end of the series, even though he had a home on paradise AND HAD EVERY REASON TO GIVE IT UP.
I fucking love Echo.
OR SOMETHING!
#echo clone wars#clone trooper echo#echo tbb#echo is the best#echo is my mom goals#seriously#NOTICE HOW EVERYTHING FALLS APART WHEN HE'S NOT AROUND#the bad batch#thebadbatch#cloneforce99#tbb#arc trooper echo#star wars clones#the clones deserve better#there I said it#season 3 spoilers#tbb season 3 spoilers#the bad batch spoilers#the bad batch season 3 spoilers#the bad batch season 3
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Guys I want her so bad it's not funny
#That montage did things to me I swear#my art#vi arcane#arcane vi#Vi#arcane fanart#arcane#artists on tumblr#OK it's atlas autism time#But I absolutely love when a character arc goes in this direction#Yknow a character that is strong but slowly falls apart due to anything#Stumbling unbelievably drunk to a bad apartment after the most mind numbing night#Only to rinse and repeat#And getting stuck in a loop of self destruction and self loathing only to have everything crumble more than it already has#Like I relate to that in some ways and feel like most people do#And while vi is an extreme I definitely have been there#Plus she's so hot guys PLSSSSS#Istg this season is gonna end me#Id do a face reveal just to show how much it will make me cry werrrrr#I could write an entire dissertation on her character
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I really liked “I Saw The TV Glow” for a lot of reasons like the lighting and sound design and stuff
But I also really liked it because how similar I felt to it. Like you watch a show you love so much you want to Be In It and all you do is interact with That Show to the point where you start talking like it and you make everything you see like it because you don’t Know anything else
I really liked owens character because of how Stuck he is in his life. He says he doesn’t think about “that stuff” because it makes him feel gross so he doesnt. He takes a job at a place he doesn’t like and when it gets shut down he goes with the manager to the next place also doing a job he hates. When his parents die he lives in the same house he grew up in because he doesn’t want to leave. He had one friend and when she disappeared presumed dead he didn’t do anything but reminiscenced on his time with her and watching the show she helped him watch. You can also see how he starts taking care of himself less after his father died, in the last scenes of the movie he looks like he barely eats or drinks water, he doesn’t do anything but his job. “Years feel like seconds” because he isn’t doing anything of importance he lost everything that he looked forward too
He doesn’t talk above a normal speaking volume until he’s literally DYING and even after he apologizes still out of breath. He’s still dying then. No one responds to his apologies or responded to him when he was screaming
He gets a chance to leave and go with Maddie to The Pink Opaque and he gets scared, he gets a chance to leave with her when he was younger and he gets scared. He’s so unhappy with his life but he doesn’t want to change it because he doesn’t know what else to do
#yeah this movie totally didn’t resonate with me at all#haha#fuck#also he didn’t say anything or really try to wxplore not being a guy except that one time he wore a dress with Maddie. he didn’t even bring#it up with his parents but they made little comments that made him scared. so for the rest of his life he didn’t think about it he tried to#hide how he felt his entire life about everything because he didn’t Want to live his life. he was happy while watching The Pink Opaque so#everything else felt like he was waiting to get back to it#when he rewatched it years later it didn’t feel the same and that’s when he started falling apart. you could see his ribs when he was on th#ground in one of the last scenes his inhaler didn’t work he didn’t do anything to try and get help or get out of it#uhhhhh do I tag the movie#I think I will I liked writing this#I wanna talk about it more but idk How rn#i saw the tv glow#woo hoo!!#the feeling this movie gave is one that got me to start making dextrine and stuff. I don’t want to say too much and spoil it but it’s simil#similar ((:
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So bring on the marines or pirates or sea beasts. You're my captain, Luffy, and I'm your first mate.
#opedit#oplaedit#onepieceedit#one piece live action#one piece#zolu#roronoa zoro#monkey d. luffy#zoro#luffy#myedit#mygifs#zoro when ppl try to recruit him: (commits murder; prefers getting strung up in a yard like a criminal)#zoro when the cute crazy twink from the bar wants him to join his pirate crew: 😏😏😏😏#he's so funny#i also love how luffy went from hey you're good and strong maybe you should join me no pressure tho#to outright admitting what he needs (when everything's seemingly falling apart and he's doubting himself) is zoro#i love when men aren't normal abt each other
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art block
#everything falls apart when i try to do more than lines!#i have no idea how to approach anything else
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boys and men with adhd use it as a crutch to excuse their total refusal to try to manage their behavior and the consequences of it send tweet
#I’m sympathetic to a point but I’ve had it honestly. do better. fuck off#you’re not trying because you know someone else will pick up the pieces when you let everything fall apart
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