#is the whole show a meditation on grief

[doublel27]

Okay, but like what if Gwyn and Gabriel weren’t dead and Tommy had two very attractive and caring husbands?

[sm-baby]

if the seven good clones really are like complete opposites of the evil bitches then would their development be? Switched in a way??? Like Bunsi and Popurri being hyper-empathetic or something

Yep!

Bunnsy is a hardworking smarty pants that studies at Harvard,

Poppuri is still a celebrity but works on kids edu-tainment shows,

Big mama seems to have the worst luck with people, but somehow found housing,

Big sister is a yoga instructor and overall meditation work,

The Surgeon is the babysitter for the swanson family after their mother passed away, and in his grief, Jon asked her to take her form cuz the whole family seems to be indenial

Big mama and Big sister LOVE eachother

They all go to church

They all adore children

They never wear any clothe past shoulder length of under the knee (how scandalous!)

They don't drink

Don't do drugs

No tattoos

And they all love me :)

[likealittleheartbeat]

I try to generally be constructive and engaged with the show I love on here, so on this day, I’ll just say that one of the most thematically important aspects for me from the original ATLA is Aang’s emotional core of real shame for running away when he was hurt by the monk’s decision to send him away. People who feel the kind of deep-seated shame that Aang feels from this decision can understand how that kind of all-encompassing shame is not built around a simple failure or a lie they tell themselves; it’s constructed from real misbehaviors and transgressions of their own sense of ethics—lashing out, telling lies, attempting to hurt others intentionally—that then have consequences (abuses, abandonments, or deaths) which seem to far exceed their expectations or even basic logic.

The combination of the misbehavior with exaggerated existential punishments (along with a lack of support and amend-making in the immediate wake of the events) is what transforms a sense of guilt (I fucked up) into shame (I am a forever fuck-up). Then shame, that sense of being a secret monster ‘no matter what I do or how good everyone thinks I am,’ invites all the avoidance strategies (Aang puts on big smiles, makes lots of jokes, constantly tries to make everyone happy, hops from town to town without building deeper connections). One doesn’t want to acknowledge one’s true feelings or let others in to see those feelings and experiences because it’s too painful to face the grief at the same time that you have to look at yourself for being responsible—even when you recognize it wasn’t totally your fault. It’s just that if you had just been good, less emotional, less human, then maybe the world wouldn’t be so messed up. Of course, in a zen view of things, the world will always be messed up in the same way it will always be beautiful. These are constant facts that always coexist in balance, and this is the truth that Aang learns and that undergirds the whole series.

So I always loved that Aang ran away. It was his sin and his salvation. And it becomes this constant tension for the series—he gets hurt in Bato of the Water Tribe and starts to run away from Katara and Sokka, he runs away to the Guru in the Crossroads of Destiny and his best friend is attacked, he and the gaang retreat after the Day of the Black Sun failure, he runs away to meditation in Sozin’s Comet when everyone wants him preparing for war. Aang’s reluctance to be a hero and the attachments and petulance for which he gets criticized are what metamorphasize to become his most noble attributes. They allow him to empathize with others shame and, ultimately, wield the kind of compassion that can deconstruct the power and perfectionism of imperialism.

So yes, Aang ran away from his temple 100 years ago. It wasn’t the mentally healthy choice. It wasn’t the ethical choice. It wasn’t the wise choice. It was human and emotional and shameful and real. Aang is a better character for it. ATLA is a better show because of it. And we are better people when we understand these kind of tragic emotional experiences that people are trying so hard to grow through.

[welcometothejianghu]

Welcome to another round of W2 Tells You What You Should See, where W2 (me) tries to sell you (you) on something you should be watching reading. Today's choice: 死亡万花筒 / Kaleidoscope of Death.

Kaleidoscope of Death is a 2018 Chinese webnovel about two young men who fall in love while basically playing a whole bunch of horror-themed escape rooms that can for-real kill you.

This novel was gripping. I could not put it down. It started out fun and ended up ripping out my heart several times. It does a good job getting the ball rolling with a series of adventures in weird worlds, then turns into a meditation about grief and loss and what it means to have something to lose in the first place.

This is the first time I've ever done a book rec! I'm doing it in conjunction with a rec post for the Spirealm, and originally I was just going to do this as a bonus section for that post. However, I felt they both deserve whole different posts, because they both have very different things to recommend them. I also think Kaleidoscope of Death a 100% necessary read if you've seen the show, because it provides some context that the show simply cannot include -- but it's not a necessary read before you see the show.

Therefore, I'm going to give you five reasons I think you should sit down with this one, and not a single one of these reasons is going to assume you've watched the Spirealm! The book is great and deserves to be read on its own merits, and then if you then start watching the drama afterwards, so much the better.

1. All the Cross-Dressing

(Yeah, I'm going to punctuate this one with screencaps from the Spirealm, because otherwise it's just a wall of text.)

I'm not going to tell you why the male characters frequently dress and pass as women, since the book explains the practicality of it better than I could. You just need to know that they often do, and it's never not kinda hot when it happens.

When you first meet Ruan Nanzhu, it is as Ruan Baijie, a stunningly beautiful and noticeably tall woman. Lin Qiushi, our POV character who is extremely confused for a number of reasons, spends the first whole arc talking and thinking about Baijie like she's a girl. In fact, one of the cutest things about sweet, earnest Qiushi is that he clocks Baijie several times, and every time he's just like, oh, she's so flat-chested, how unusual for a girl, anyway...

And this isn't even just dressing up! Stepping into the door worlds changes you physically based on your clothing and cosmetics. Nobody inside looks the same as they do outside, and nobody looks the same inside as they did last time they were inside. The rules that govern these transformations aren't even clear to the characters themselves! So, you know, have fun with that.

I'm going to say it's not an out-and-out trans thing, in that we're not dealing with an AMAB egg who will crack someday. Ruan Nanzhu is a very male-identified, penis-having man! He's just also pretty entertainingly comfortable with performing whatever gender makes him the most fuckable person in any given room. Lin Qiushi is not so inherently genderfluid, however, which means that when his gremlin sort-of-boyfriend makes him pretend to be a girl, it's a completely different kink.

Therefore: If you like it in any way when boys dress up like girls, you owe it to yourself to pick up this one. And if you like a fandom that likes it when boys dress up like girls, baby, welcome to the world inside the doors.

2. Those boys GAY

This is a textual romance. Lin Qiushi and Ruan Nanzhu are in love. This is a danmei novel about how they fall in love. There is kissing and there are fade-to-black scenes that explicitly acknowledge that the two of them have sex with one another. We even know that Ruan Nanzhu (usually) tops. This s not just me pointing at them and saying gaaaaaaaaaay. This is actual gay.

And it is gay that takes its fucking time. They do not actually hook up until well over halfway through the book, but they are physically affectionate from almost the get-go. Ruan Nanzhu is such a trickster and a liar that Lin Quishi finds it hard to believe that anything he does is sincere, which leads to nearly lesbian levels of wondering if it means anything when a guy demands you kiss him on the mouth when he's pretending to be your girlfriend. Meanwhile, Ruan Nanzhu is over here being the Kate Beaton comic about sitting here consumed with lust all evening.

Even once they both acknowledge what they're feeling for one another, they don't get together right away. After all, they're playing a game of life and death where they lose friends left and right. Every time someone goes inside the door, there's a real chance they won't come out again. Is giving your heart to someone worth how much it will destroy your entire life when you lose them?

(Yes, says the book. Yes, it is worth it.)

The slow burn of their relationship is delicious, in part because the physical (though not sexual) aspects of it predate the romantic ones. It also has the fun hot-and-cold aspect where Ruan Nanzhu is incredibly affectionate inside the doors, then icy outside of them. Poor completely inexperienced, never-been-kissed Lin Qiushi does not know what to make of any of this. He can barely manage parenting a cat. He does not know how to handle a boyfriend who is also a girlfriend who is also (spiritually) a cat.

I also find it charming how much the gay part of it both is and isn't an issue. It's not that Lin Qiushi has a problem being in love with a man; however, the fact that Ruan Nanzhu is a man does mean the heteronormally indoctrinated and relationship-inexperienced Lin Qiushi takes much longer to realize what exactly those feelings he's having are. The book's world is one where heterosexuality is the assumed default, while queerness is unexpected but everybody's still pretty cool with it. Besides, no one's going to judge Lin Qiushi's gay yearnings, because who doesn't want to fuck Ruan Nanzhu?

3. HAKO ONNA HAKO ONNA HAKO ONNA

So as I was reading through @zintranslations' earlier chapters, I kept seeing translators' notes down at the bottom about being so excited to finally get to the Hako Onna arc. Okay, I thought, this is a lot of hype; I hope it doesn't disappoint.

Friends, it does not. This is the arc I was reading while screaming into a pillow. It's thirteen chapters long, tied for the longest arc in the book with the first door. It is a fucking nail-biter. It does the clever thing of taking all the things you've learned about what can happen inside the doors and combining them for a worst-case scenario.

The setup is pretty simple: There's a bunch of boxes. One has the exit. Most are empty. Some have things that help you. Some have things that hurt you. The more things you find that hurt you, the more things there are to hurt you. And you have to open the boxes.

All the door arcs are pretty well-written, so that you can more or less play along with their various adventures. Hako Onna, however, is exceptional. It's so complicated, but you can actually follow it. And you need to be able to follow it, because the multiple emotional gut-punches that happen in this arc all depend on understanding how the rules of the game have just been leveraged to fuck someone over.

Now I really want to play the board game -- which I was pleased to discover is a real board game! And speaking of board games...

sidebar: Betrayal at House on the Hill

I know this isn't technically related to the novel at all, but if you like board games, horror, and being incredibly dramatic, you owe it to yourself to try out Betrayal at House on the Hill.

It goes like this: You and several other horror-movie archetypes wander through a mansion, "building" it as you explore it, so the game layout is different every time. At some point (and it's based on so many random factors that you never know when it'll be) someone triggers a condition, and the haunting begins. All the players then get the rules of haunting explained to them -- except for one player, the one picked to do the titular betrayal, who gets a different set of instructions and becomes the antagonist. From that point on, the game is about either surviving or completing the haunting, depending on which side you're on.

I have played this game before with normal board game people, and they were like, eh, this is fine. I have also played this game before with theatre kids who RP and LARP, and we all had a fucking blast. So I'm going to warn you that you have to choose your crowd carefully. This is a game for people who do improv and voices.

4. The art of losing isn't hard to master

The book has a high body count -- higher than the show's, in fact, though that's related to how the book also has more characters than the show does. When you meet someone who can go into the doors, be careful how much money you'd lay on their survival.

Death after the doors comes so quickly, too. There's barely any time to say goodbye, if there's even any time at all. Often there's just a phone call telling our main characters that one of their friends or allies or enemies is gone.

Everyone who gets the chance to go through the door worlds is only able to do so because they're dying already. The more doors they pass, the more they get to kick that death further down the road -- but the more doors they enter, the more chances they take that they might die inside one. So really, none of the players can be that resentful of being forced to play a game that can kill them, since they're already playing it on borrowed time.

I will say, somewhat cryptically, that the book has a positive ending that leaves open the possibility for other positive things. The path to that positive ending, though, leads through some pretty wrenching takes on living through grief. It's not even all rah-rah and it-gets-better, either -- the text acknowledges many times over what it means to have someone that life isn't worth living without.

And that's maybe not what you expected from a BL horror adventure webnovel, but it's what you're gonna get! Ha ha!

5. What He Is

Which is the title of the first extra chapter, which is not extra at all, but is in fact a necessary explanatory piece that whacks you upside the head like a two-by-four and recontextualizes the entire story.

...Yeah, that's all you're going to get from me about that. You'll understand when you get there.

Have you put it on your reading list yet?

The way you have to read it is a little convoluted: @zintranslations has chapters 1-17 and 63-end + extras. Taida Translations has chapters 1-62. So no matter where you start reading, you're going to have to switch sites at least once.

There are also apparently Portuguese, Indonesian, Russian, and Spanish translations too? And the original Chinese webnovel, of course. And some audio dramas and subs linked to from this Carrd, which helpfully has other information, like content warnings for specific chapters, in case the horror aspect of the story gives you pause.

Anyway, once you're done reading it -- or even before you're done! -- you should absolutely go watch the Spirealm. I think it's clear from both rec posts that I definitely like the book better, but I appreciate having the drama to bring so many scenes to life, and I think the casting is great. Also, I don't think reading the book makes you like the drama less! Rather, I think reading the book gives you insight into the awkward and sometimes terrible choices the drama had to make to survive -- which in turn gives you the ability to see through those choices, on to what the show always wanted in its heart to be.

I do find it funny how "Kaleidoscope of Death" and "Death's Kaleidoscope" technically mean the same thing, but they sure read different, don't they?

[autistic-ben-tennyson]

Letting Go: How Shinkai Succeeds where Lucas Fails

After reading that essay on how Kung Fu Panda did the “letting go of attachments” story way better than Lucas did, I was inspired to write this. The problem with SW is that it tries to apply what is spiritual advice to a hero’s narrative when it’s not about heroism. It’s about coming to terms with grief, preparing for death or letting your child grow up. I want to talk a bit about two of Makoto Shinkai’s films that are both favorites of mine, Weathering With You and Suzume as both delve into this topic. The latter has its title character come to terms with her grief and trauma while the former is a rejection of the utilitarian view of letting one person die for the “greater good”.

Suzume succeeds with its “letting go” message because it focuses on the journey and shows the importance of a true support system and that it takes time to come to terms with grief. Expecting people to just let go immediately isn’t fair and unrealistic. Suzume’s whole journey is about exploring new places, meeting new people and learning joy can still come from grief.

Shinkai based this movie off the 2011 earthquake which was a real source of trauma for Japan. Suzume is a survivor who lost her mother and her home. She has to learn to not dwell on her past hurt but at no point is she shamed for missing her mother or told to just let Souta rot as the keystone for “the greater good”. She’s allowed to mourn. She and her aunt, Tamaki grow as people and as parent and child through emotional experiences, both in the movie during their argument and reconciliation as well as in the booklet that revealed a bit about their past. Tamaki had the responsibilities of being a parent thrust on her and resented it at times but communication was what helped their relationship become healthier and she never shamed her niece for having negative emotions. I’ve written an essay about this too.

The reason this movie succeeds at its message is that it treats its characters and audience with sensitivity. Suzume heals by remembering the happy moments with her mother and Tamaki was willing to adapt to her needs, unlike the Jedi Council. I think @abla-soso’s written about this but George doesn’t have the healthiest view of human psychology and trauma or of relationships nor is he a good writer. He’s sympathetic to Anakin, sure, but he and much of the fandom treat him as just greedy for holding onto his attachments when he doesn’t have a support system that validates his emotions and won’t help him heal except for telling him to meditate. A child healing by remembering their mother while going on a road trip to come out of their shell is not the same as being forced to go and help slavers that caused you so much pain. How can one heal from that?

The other movie in question, Weathering With You, is sort of a response to the ultra collectivism in Japan. Hina is expected to die so the rainfall will stop but what about the people who know her and have to deal with her loss? The little people are always forgotten about in these greater good arguments. Kind of like Trace and Rafa in TCW. Hodaka may have been selfish, yes, but Hina was the one person who treated him with kindness and affection as opposed to how his parents and the kids from his hometown did. Not to mention she still had a brother to take care of with their mother dying a year before the film was set. To just die would be abandoning those who needed her. Hodaka’s trauma and anger is treated with respect by Shinkai as opposed to just being written off as evil like Lucas or Jedi stans would.

Some have interpreted the movie as a climate change denial story with the rains and flooding being treated as natural. But it’s really more of a response those who put all the blame and pressure on one person to fix the problem, especially the young being forced to do so by the older generations. It’s not fair for the older generations to create these problems then put all the burden of solving it on the youth. The Jedi council was plenty guilty of that with how they treated their padawans. And it’s okay to live your life to the fullest, even if the world is falling apart.

I’m sure the Jedi apologists will probably respond by saying “Jedi aren’t against love or emotion, just possessiveness” but that’s not what the movies show even if Lucas didn’t intend for it to come off that way. Maybe these movies treat the subject with more sensitivity and nuance because they’re written by someone who understands Shinto philosophy unlike a 70s hippie who blends stoicism with eastern beliefs. Yes, SW was intended to be black and white, but that’s not how real life works. What may not affect one person will affect another and it’s not wrong to need time and unconditional love to heal. You can’t just slap labels like selfish attachment or greed on someone when you don’t know or refuse to understand their circumstances and motivations and it’s not fair to judge or write them off.

[aurorasmagic]

Baldr - info, opinions and worship (long post)

I am making this post as a devotion to Baldr<3

Family Parents: Odin and Frigg Wife: Nanna Kid: Forseti Baldr has numerous half siblings, but full brother to Hodr, the blind god He is one of the Aesir

Names and epithets Ways to spell his name: Baldr, Balder, Baldur Epithets: The white, the good, the bright, father of justice

Treasures Home: Breidablik Ship: Hringhorni Horse: Gulltopp (translates to Goldtop)

Baldr is the god of beauty, light, innocence and forgiveness. He is also seen as a god of purity, joy and peace. Some also call him a god of naivity because he always see the good in everyone, even people no one else is able to see good things.

We have little knowledge about Baldr in general. The most known story about him is his death. Some who is devoted to, worship or work with Baldr might not want to work with Loki at all due to this story. Baldr had dreams about his death which gave him long awake nights. His mother, Frigg, tried to help him by making everyone and everything promise not to hurt Baldr, all materials, weapons, sickness etc. All except for the misteltoe, which she thought was too small, young and harmless to make a promise. Now that Baldr seemed absolutely immortal the other gods tried their weapons on him, as nothing would hurt him. His blind brother Hodr wanted to join in, but couldn't because he did not want to hurt anyone. Loki had found a way to know the misteltoe didn't promise to not hurt him, and made an arrow from it which he guided Hodr to shoot at his brother. Baldr died from the arrow and Loki ran away. Later in the story we get to know Baldr would be allowed to leave Helheim and go back to Asgard if the whole world would show their grief after his death, and everyone did except an old lady. It is believed this old lady is Loki to make sure Baldr couldn't return to his family.

Controversy There is controversy whether or not you can work with Baldr due to him being in Helheim. Their argument is true, those who goes to Helheim can't leave it before all gates open and chains break under Ragnarok. But again, Loki is chained and can't leave his place before Ragnarok when all chains breaks and gates open under Ragnarok. If working with Loki is valid, then working with Baldr is as well! And please do not fear having your own beliefs on this. You are free to reach out to him whatever your reason would be.

Lessons What I have gotten from working with Baldr is to forgive. Forgive but not forget, and forgiving doesn't mean to let others walk all over you, and it's also important that you learn to forgive yourself. You also learn to appreciate and find joy in the smallest things, which I personally think has bettered my life quality so much. He wants you to know your worth but still show kindness to the world, and to help others who need.

Offerings and acts of devotion Meditation around a source of light (in the sunlight, by a candle, LED candles, fireplace etc) Help others who need (he used to guide and help his blind brother) Heal and care for your inner child Create something for him Pray to him Appreciate others Enjoy calm music Enjoy your fav herbal tea, raise a glass to him Keep candles that reminds you of him (I personally love the scented ones) Practice forgiveness and compassion, especially towards yourself Devote a plushie that reminds u of him or summer Symbols of light, sunrise, summer, and things you find beautiful, keep around, decorate or keep on jewelry Decorate with fairy lights and lanterns Take notice in your progress and look at how far you got Sketch, draw, write and other creative expressions Sunbathe (Remember sunscreen) Express or decompress Take a walk on a sunny day Practice regulating emotions, and feel your emotions Find healthy emotional outlets Spend time with the ones you love Do something that makes you happy Play with your pets Donate to organizations that helps homeless, sick, disabled etc Take care of yourself Make a comfortable and safe space for yourself Celebrate achievements, even small ones Clean trash around your neighborhood or in nature (also great offering to Jord, Gaia, or other personification of Earth) Practice open-mindedness, agree to disagree Honor your ancestors, learn about your family history (family were huge in the norse society, and Balder loves his family) Flowers, especially those strongly connected to the sun(Mayweed and Sea Mayweed is both known under the name Balder's brow in Sweden and Norway, they would make a great offering as well) He is associated to the colors gold, white, yellow and sky-blue carnelian, red jasper, citrine, goldstone, sunstone -Some say misteltoe would be a nice offering, but some believes you shouldn't, would recommend asking him before you offer it

Signs -I haven't found much of set signs that Baldr is reaching out to you, which might be because of the lack of information. However I have seen these; You randomly think about him over an extented period of time The rune Dagaz/Dagr Dreams become very symbolic Dreaming about him You can always reach out to him if that feels right for you! I personally see him in the sun and 7 of swords. He could also be big in meditation and dream interpretations because of his dremas before the story of his death.

[fanfoolishness]

Headcanons for Crosshair's healing, post-finale

I'm definitely hoping to write fics incorporating most or all of these, but if I wind up stalling out on them, at least they'll be preserved here! I'm also linking to some fics or art where I've addressed some of these points, if you're curious. :)

In the immediate post-Tantiss aftermath, Crosshair is a foggy mess, between the shock and pain of his injury and the pain medication AZI has him on. He has some heart-to-hearts with his family here, but the vulnerability he shows during this time dries up once he's more clear-headed. Still, he realizes more and more that his family wants to help him, and will.

Once some of the major healing of his stump has occurred, he throws himself into helping his family build and furnish their new home (it's Star Wars and there's prefabs, so it doesn't really take too long, but it's a good distraction for a bit), as well as helping with simple things around the island like deliveries of things he can carry easily without a hand. He stays close to Omega when he can, feeling anxious when she's out of sight, something his brothers share.

The more routine and settled the days get, the worse his nights start to become. Nightmares of his time with the Empire, his imprisonment and torture on Tantiss, the terror and pain of losing his hand, and worst of all, Tech, start disrupting his sleep. He tries to pretend it's nothing, but his family isn't fooled. Decompressing from the absolute adrenaline rush of being focused on rescuing Omega leaves too much space for bad memories to start bubbling up, as well as unresolved grief.

Omega, realizing he's struggling -- and starting to struggle herself for many of the same reasons, which I could write a whole other post on! -- tries to get him to meditate with her again, but he brushes her off. No hand? No tremor? Problem solved, right?

AZI offers to work on a prosthetic for him, but he declines. Not because he's content with his arm as it is right now, but because he's afraid a prosthetic will shake, too, and because he still struggles with feeling like he doesn't deserve help.

He shifts into a depressive state with isolating himself from his family, eating poorly, and sleeping terribly. He spends a lot of time walking around with Batcher, and starts to notice some of the birds around the island. He still has moments of happiness, like when spending time with Omega, playing fetch with the hound, seeing his brothers doing well, or noticing the beauty of Pabu, but the instant the happy thing is over, the black cloud returns.

He resists any talk about Tech, even as his nightmares grow more and more to include his brother.

Until it's made clear that Omega is having a hard time, too, and modeling some of the same behaviors he is -- pulling away, clamming up, nightmares. It's when he sees her struggling that he realizes he still might not care about healing for himself... but if it could help her in some way, maybe he needs to try.

I haven't quite figured out the inciting factor for this next part, but something Happens, and Crosshair finally breaks down about Tech. I am envisioning something truly messy and painful. But when his family finds him and convinces him to talk, he finally starts letting it out. His guilt, his self-hatred in that Tech would still be alive if they hadn't tried to rescue him, that his message had had the opposite effect, that he didn't take the chance to come with them on Kamino or to go with Cody. He's worried Tech would be angry at him, would hate him for who he'd been in the Empire, for being the reason Tech died, and he's been carrying all of this for months.

His family is able to reassure him that Tech never stopped caring about him, that Tech would be the first to realize Crosshair had changed. And there'd be some very sweet moments where they remember him together, as a family. ;_;

The nightmares start to get better, and Crosshair asks Omega to start meditating with him again. It's not perfect, there are still hard days, but he starts being more social again, keeps up with the meditating, is better able to be there for Omega when she's having a hard time too.

With the guilt of losing Tech starting to heal, he can start trying to heal the rest of him, too. He works with AZI and Echo to try a prosthetic.

As he feared, it does shake, too, now and then. At first it panics him and he takes the hand off and doesn't try it again for days. But the others encourage him to try again, and as he keeps up with the meditation, the tremors get fewer. They still happen sometimes, but they are less distressing; if it really bothers him, he takes off his hand. He winds up wearing his prosthetic maybe 50% of the time, sometimes taking it off to relax and not worry about the tremors, sometimes taking it off just because he doesn't feel like using a second hand, sometimes just because it will always feel a little strange and he just prefers being without it sometimes.

Within a few months of using the prosthetic, he finds his old mirror pucks and builds a suncatcher out of them, taking an object of war and making it into something warm and artistic. Every time he looks at it, he remembers how far he's come, how he's becoming less and less defined by being a sniper, a soldier, every day.

Eventually, he and Echo do get word from Cody. Seeing him again is frightening -- remembering how badly he'd failed Cody when he had the chance, wondering if Cody will only see him as he was then -- but he's eager to show Cody how much he's changed. Cody for his part is still feeling guilt over the Order and his work for the Empire, and both of them are able to reassure each other and remind each other there is a path forward.

Within 2-3 years, Crosshair is doing far better. He still misses Tech terribly, but guilt and shame and repressed grief have changed into smiling when he talks about Tech, or quiet moments with rare tears when things are harder. He visits Tech's goggles sometimes, whether on his own or with one of his siblings. The messy breakdown and the knotty repression phases have largely ended. Nightmares are uncommon now, and usually soothed with meditation or talking to his brothers or Omega or Batcher. Like others have suggested he has probably taken up fishing as so many on the island do, but in his spare time he has started to appreciate the birds of Pabu, especially when he remembers how much Tech loved recording sounds. He finds recordings of several species on Tech's datapad and uses it to keep track of the birds he sees, feeling a little closer to his brother when he does so. His enthusiasm for the creatures rubs off on the rest of their family, too. He meditates daily; sometimes with Omega, but often on his own. Wrecker hates it and has fallen asleep the rare times he's tried it, but Hunter, to Crosshair's surprise, joins him occasionally. Batcher loves it and views it as part of her daily nap routine.

On trips home from the Rebellion, when Omega is frustrated or heartsick about losses or the odds they are facing, she knows she can always nudge her white-haired brother and say, "Want to meditate a bit?" And he'll say yes, every time. <3

Any thoughts? I do hope I get a chance to write all this out in fic form, but it was nice getting it down for my own edification :)

[ur-haruspis]

halo 4 // halo: epitaph

“Civilizations will rise in our stead, and our job as caretakers will at last bear fruit. Until then, I leave you here, my love. The only living thing in this galaxy, sealed safely away. Spend these ages ahead of you in meditation on your choices. When you wake, you will find the humans. I have ensured that they will grow strong and vibrant . . . They will be our rightful heirs. Their gene plan dictates that the galaxy will be theirs to care for by then. I beg of you . . .” She had left him a galactic cartographer, a key that showed the way to vast reserves of Forerunner technology so that he might use it to assist and guide humanity as they claimed the Mantle of Responsibility. “Find the strength to help them learn from our mistakes. And my husband? Let them teach you something. Please.” When he first heard them, he’d found those parting words intensely condescending. Found her hope that he’d be humanity’s teacher and champion utterly laughable. Yet, he failed to hear the devastation in her voice, the grief, and the raw longing she had for him to live, to continue on in the world, to one day be whole again. But the Domain would be burned by Halo. There would be no connection to its boundless stores of information, no ability to commune and heal and reflect. A thousand centuries would pass in silence. In the madness the Gravemind had created for him. And once the galaxy was reseeded, civilizations rose once more, and he woke to start the cycle of suffering all over again. He was awash in remorse, in the betrayal he had caused, the fury at having been violated and manipulated and used. . . . A pawn! He roared, slamming his fists against the rock with such force that it cracked the stone and left him stricken with sorrow. In the end, after all he had done, all the pain and suffering he had wrought . . . She had still chosen to save him.

[yoshihashismattebum]

Favourite Albums of 2024

Spotify Wrapped was fun and all, but I have one problem with it: it only focuses on individual songs! (Okay, that's not strictly true – I have many other problems with it as well. E.g. 'why is this playlist full of songs I've never listened to' and 'wtf is this AI podcast bullshit') Anyway, one of my goals for 2024 was to listen to more whole albums and I think I generally succeeded! I didn't listen to a ton, but more than previous years for sure.

So I thought it would be fun to pick and share my top 3 albums of the year! Here they are, in ascending order!

3) Yard Act - Where's My Utopia?

Post-punk jams that dig into the contradictions that come with fame as a punk band. Self-deprecating and unapologetic in equal measure, with lyrics that tread the line between 'smart' and 'smart-arse'. Oh you can dance to it too.

Highlights: We Make Hits, Dream Job,

2) St. Vincent – All Born Screaming

I'm not sure what genre this falls into. Rock? Alt-pop? Wikipedia reckons 'art rock', so let's go with that. Whatever you want to call it, it's a masterpiece of songwriting. It spans so many different genres and so many different themes: fame, identity, religion, grief. It's achingly raw and personal, but a lot of it is all too relatable. There's also another version entirely in Spanish, which is very cool!

Highlights: Reckless, Broken Man, Big Time Nothing

1) Allie X – Girl With No Face

Before this album, I'd always liked one song by Allie X (All The Rage) but could never get into anything else she'd done. Well, with the release of this album I'm pleased to say that that's no longer true. I honestly struggled to pick just 3 highlights because it's so packed with catchy alt-pop bangers. The lyrics are right up Tumblr's street too, with meditations on chronic illness, identity, gender, body dysmorphia, and one song that's all about getting top surgery. Truly exceptional imo.

Highlights: Black Eye, Off With Her Tits, Weird World

Honourable Mentions:

Sløtface – Film Buff

Sløtface are probably my favourite band of all time. Their live show this year was the best gig I've been to, let alone my favourite gig of 2024. So it's a shame that this album didn't quite crack the top three for me. Musically, it's the same joyous pop punk that I absolutely adore, but the lyrics didn't quite hit for me in the same way as their previous two albums. Still well worth a listen though!

Highlights: Quiet on Set, I Used To Be A Real Piece Of Shit, Final Gørl

Teen Mortgage – Teen Mortgage

I'm not entirely sure that this one qualifies as an album tbh, which is why I've excluded it from the top 3. Spotify has it down as a "compilation", so I think it's just a collection of their singles so far? Anyway, it kicks ass. It's the essence of punk: fast, loud and uncomplicated. Sometimes you don't need clever lyrics or subtle wordplay: you need 90 seconds of furious drumming, barely intelligible vocals about calling in sick to work, and a growling guitar riff that makes you want to fight God. Pure catharsis.

Highlights: Sick Day, Falling Down, Doctor

And because this is Tumblr, let's turn it into a tag game! Reblog this with your favourite albums of the year if you like! And tag some people whose recs you want to see!

I'm sure @thepenultimaterolo @thewaythroughthewoods and @unpairedbracket would have some great choices! And I'd be interested in hearing from @sycamoretrees @caranoirs and @counting-ducks as well if you're up for it! No pressure for any of you of course (and certainly no need to write as much as I have lol). Just if you feel like it :)

[butterflydm]

"You lost someone important. Guilt's part of that."

*goes off and stares into the sea for a thousand years*

I do kinda feel as if I bought two games in one, because Veilguard is such a different experience in the second playthrough (this is not a complaint).

Grief. Regret. An ocean of it. And how to move past it. How important it is to be able to move past it and not let yourself be trapped by all your pain.

[endgame spoilers below]

Varric "goes to sleep" after your first big talk with him and then you can't talk to him again until after you've meditated and reached Solas (who is never far away, though you don't realize it).

It is amazing how Solas is able to criticize himself so strongly (via the memory of Varric) and then keep on doing everything that he's doing. He truly is the ultimate master of the sunk-cost fallacy.

Wisdom twisted into Pride. It is so painful to think that the thing that made Solas so furious and heartsick in his personal quest in DAI -- watching a spirit of Wisdom get twisted into Pride because it was brought into the mortal world to be a weapon -- is exactly what Mythal asked of him. And the anger that he shows towards those mortal mages (who he can and will kill unless you stop him) is thus displaced anger that he doesn't feel like he's allowed to feel towards Mythal.

So... what's up with the Rings of Power tag? It's about Solas, of course.

You meet a guy who is a lone wanderer. A vagabond, who claims no particular importance but somehow seems to understand the powers that are key to the world's salvation. He helps you out for a while. He's pretty arrogant - prideful, you might say.

You find out that he's essentially a demigod who has been lying to everyone for... weeks, months, idk. And that he actually is the person who helped break the world and make it what it currently is today... and he wants to fix the world. Except... well, except that fixing the world involves a whole bunch of people dying and basically destroying the world as it currently exists in order to create the 'better' world that exists in his imagination/memory.

His intentions may be good but every time he goes forward with his plans, it destroys so much and hurts so many people. His methods suck and his imagined perfect world can never exist. And he lies, over and over and over. He betrays you, over and over.

God of lies.

The Great Deceiver.

I've only finished one playthrough of Dragon Age: The Veilguard so far. And, in it, I gave Solas a good ending. The happiest ending that he probably could get. In which he doesn't get any of the things that he was trying to get during the game, but he does get a chance to atone for the many, many people that he's hurt and what he's destroyed. He gets shown a different path and is convinced to take it. He has someone who loves him enough to walk that path with him. "Where I'm going is terrible," he tells his love. "It won't be terrible if you're with me," she tells him.

Solas makes the choice that (Second Age/Rings of Power) Sauron couldn't make -- he chooses to stop trying to break the world in order to fix it. To atone by doing what the people of the world would want from him, rather than forcing his own vision on them. He stops. That's what Sauron can't bring himself to do. He can't stop trying to fix the world.

So finishing up Veilguard after watching Rings of Power let me play out a little power fantasy of: what if you could get him to stop? What if you could get him to see that his attempts to 'fix' the world are only making things worse? What would that look like?

Solas is able to admit -- after a lot of work by the protagonist to get him there -- that the world doesn't need him to fix it. By contrast, Sauron is going to double-down on his attempts to 'heal' Middle-Earth.

But it's interesting to get a chance to create a situation where a character who does have quite a bit in common with Sauron is able to have a different kind of ending.

As is tradition when I play RPGs like this, my first playthrough is for discovering a character and letting myself be fully led by the story, and now my second playthrough is to poke at all the choices and the seams of the story to figure out what I like best. And then I usually do a version of my first character again but 'perfected' in taking the alternative choices that I liked better than my first time through. So this second run is going to be for going through all the rest of the options and romances to see if I like them better than what my heart instinctively led me towards (Lucanis).

So this is my game plan for my second run:

Flirt with everyone. Make sure I do all Treviso quests before I go to get Davrin. Choose to save Minrathous (this is why I made my second Rook a Shadow Dragon -- Treviso seems so vulnerable to me, so I really have to stack the deck to get my Rook to choose to go to Minrathous). Sadly mourn that I cannot romance my Lucanis in this runthrough (my second Rook recently did the quest to acquire him and I found myself instantly enchanted all over again by his introduction. Thank goodness saving Minrathous takes him off the table; I don't see how else I could resist him).

Keep flirting until I get to the 'commitment quest' for each of the characters, and play through everything else until that's about all I have left. Then do separate saves for each romance. So six separate 'endgame runs' for this second Rook, allowing me to try out a variety of endgame scenarios.

Then, armed with lots of information, I plan to run as a dwarven Rook for my third runthrough, and do a run-through that uses my favorite choices now that I know how they shake out, and take a new approach with Solas. Probably a rogue. I've tried out the gameplay for all three classes, and rogue was my favorite (this is not a shock. Rogue has been my favorite in literally every DA game).

And now a collection of images I like to call:

They assumed Rook knew Varric was dead when these conversations happened.

Looking forward to what other conversations may happen where Rook is having an entirely different conversation than the other characters are having.

A collection of images I like to call:

Foreshadowing

A collection of images I like to call:

Ouch ouch ouch

One particularly excellent choice that the game made, imo, is that only Neve and Harding knew Varric already (of the companions). The rest of the team is assembled by Rook, and most of the team does not know Varric and doesn't even realize that there's a hole in the team, because Rook is already filling the position that she believes that Varric is meant to have. She is Varric's hand-picked second-in-command, and he trusted her to be able to handle this job. He chose someone with that thought in mind.

He knew the risks, and planned accordingly. He knew there was a chance (an excellent chance) that Solas was not going to listen to him. He had to try anyway, but he knows -- he says in the beginning -- that if it comes down to a fight, they will not be able to defeat Solas. He knows that if he can't talk Solas down, then he's probably going to die. And he goes in there anyway, because Solas is his friend.

He made a choice. Several choices. He chose to talk to Solas, knowing that it might lead to his death. And he chose Rook as his second, believing that Rook could save the day if Varric failed.

That's how Varric saved the world -- by finding the right person to finish the job.

[hello-nichya-here]

Azula antis be like: "I can excuse a blind character sensing whether someone is lying by feeling their pulse that vibrates through the ground miles afar from her but I draw the line at good mental health facilities being a thing. That's just unrealistic"

And like... in what way is some bullshit like the asylum she was sent to in the comics in ANY WAY "realistc" considering the context of how things are explictly shown to work in the world of Avatar?

At the Boiling Rock, we are explictly told there's an inmate that is trying to deal with his anger issues. We also see in "The Guru" that Aang is processing his grief and trauma through meditation and opening his chakras. Katara took an important step in processing her grief through a life changing field trip. Toph was starting to get over some of her complexes by finally being allowed to have friends. We see both Zuko and And spend whole episodes hallucinating and both are fixed by sleeping!

Why is Azula the only character that needs to get "help" in a horror movie style when everyone benefits from the fact that THEIR WORLD OPERATES IN THE HOPEFUL "LOVE, FRIENDSHIP AND KINDNESS FIX EVERYTHING" MOST KID SHOWS DO?

Not to mention, Azula is a princess and a prodigy that was only ever defeated by Zuko and the Gaang - keeping her "out of sight and out of mind" is begging for trouble because either she'll eventually recover on her own and gain herself some powerful allies like she did in Ba Sing OR someone will take advantage of the fact that such a powerful person is so emotionally vulnerable and use her as a pawn in their own game, Ozai style.

And, of course, there's the fact ZUKO IS SUPPOSED TO BE THE FIRE LORD THAT WILL BRING ON AN ERA OF PEACE AND KINDNESS! What kind of wise, merciful ruler would allow a place like that asylum to even exist, let alone turn their own sibling into a patient/inmate that will be abused there, ESPECIALLY when said sibling has basically surrendered already AND the writers themselves said that when he saw Azula cry after their Agni Kai, he felt no joy at his victory or anger at Azula for nearly killing him - he felt PITY! Katara even has to offer him some emotional support during it, for God's sake! I do not buy that he would not care about Azula's well being or see her being abused as some kind of "justice."

Azula would likely be cared for at the palace or at the very least in a good institution that would legit help her. Anything else is a disrespect not just to both her and Zuko as characters, but to the message of the show.

[palfriendpatine66]

Well shit, I'll take as much spanking as you'd like to write.

🫡 (part 1) (part 2)

You don't have to do this," Anakin clarified.

"I'm aware."

"I just want to make sure you know that," Anskin snapped defensively. "Alright?"

"Anakin," Obi-Wan pinched the bridge of his nose and summoned what had to have been the very last thread of his patience. "I am willing to do what I must to put this event and these unpleasant feelings behind us. If you need to take some control back over the situation or humiliate me, or whatever it is that you think you're going to get out of this, so be it. Yes, I will give it a try if-" he raised a hand, because of course there were conditions, "- if you with meditate with me afterward."

There it was.

As reasonable as the request was - even more reasonable when compared to what Anakin himself had just impulsively asked for - that understandable logic was exactly what made it so aggravating.

The Negotiator, always offering up compromises and alternatives.

Except, apparently, when it came to the council.

Because Obi-Wan respected the Council's judgement and wisdom. He didn't critique and criticize every aspect that could go wrong with their plans. He took direction from the Council unquestioningly. When they suggested that he fake his death it had probably been Obi-Wan's observation that Anakin's reaction, his padawan's public grief, would sell the deception.

Anakin no longer felt an uneasy disquiet at what he had asked of his master.

Obi-Wan deserved to have a sore ass.

Maybe then he would think twice before resorting to deception and lies. They were partners. They were The Team. How were they supposed to function flawlessly as two haves of the same whole if they didn't trust one another?

This was one way Obi-Wan could show his trust in Anakin. Maybe it would be the first step in rebuilding the trust that had existed between them.

[johaerys-writes]

hey its the anon who was asking about achilles’ characterisation in the iliad! thank you so much for your answer, it was super informative and helpful. i think i very much had the wrong interpretation because i had a classics teacher for a year before my school scrapped the subject and they basically rambled about how achilles was a rapist and awful and went against the gods etc. without really going into the nuance of everything or explaining the context of heroes. i was kind of curious about your mention of hubris though? i thought that was a Big Thing in ancient greece because placing yourself on a pedestal above the gods was a guaranteed way to get yourself smote. sorry for acting like a student bugging their favourite teacher for an answer but you really do explain things so well 😅

Hubris is a big thing in ancient greece, you're right; there are so many myths where someone does something stupid and gets their ass whooped by the gods (e.g. Perseus and Andromeda, among many others). But it isn't exclusive to Ancient Greece. In fact, the idea of hubris may have started there, but it changed throughout the years and took different forms in literary tradition. In ancient greek mythos, hubris is usually violent or dangerous behaviours, such as extreme boasting, that are ultimately punished by the gods. In that sense, hubris is external, that means the punishment comes from outside. As cultures changed and the focus shifted more on the individual, hubris started being used to denote a personality quality of excessive pride and arrogance, which are big no-no's in Christianity. So hubris gradually became more of an internal thing, a cautionary tale to make sure the faithful stay humble and are rewarded in the afterlife. In the context of stories, that often comes with personal development of some kind, such as the protagonist seeing the error of their ways and changing their behaviour, which isn't really an integral part of ancient greek mythos as a whole.

Ancient greek hubris and christian hubris often become confused, and because we are taught that hubris is SO important to greek mythos, people try all the time to fit the Homeric works into these neat little boxes. The thing is that Homer does not fit into that; Homer was strange even when the works were written. The Iliad doesn't follow the traditional formulae of stories and myths that were popular at the time, especially oral poetry: it includes emotional change but isn't a story about personal empowerment; there is complexity and nuance in all of the characters but the characters are not idealised; it is a meditation on complex social and human themes such as the connection between rage and grief; it puts mortality, not morality, at the center of the story.

It shows how vulnerable the characters are through their rage or their grief or their passions in general, but the story isn't at all about characters being punished for their hubris or wrong-doings. For example, Agamemnon technically commits hubris in the very first book of the Iliad, when he refuses to give Chryseis back to her father and Apollo gets pissed off about it. This could be considered dangerous behaviour by ancient greek standards, and the Achaeans are indeed punished for it with the plague that Apollo sends their way. However, at the end of the day Agamemnon himself does not get punished for his transgression in any way. He gets everything he wants: Achilles rejoins the fight eventually, Hector is killed, Troy is sacked, he returns to Argos a victor.

Achilles, too, could be said to have committed hubris through excessive violence, when he killed so many people he clogged up the river and then fought the god Scamander himself; and yet he isn't punished by the gods or by the narrative, he is one of the few characters (perhaps the only?) that gets a redemption arc of sorts, by returning Hector's body to Priam and treating the old man with respect, thus showing us his generosity, his integrity, and the nobility of his character once again. And that's where the Iliad ends for him. Not with his death or with him killing even more Trojans or whatever, but with a poignant and moving scene between two people on opposite sides of a war, who have lost everything and yet still find this point of connection between them.

So Homer, and especially the Iliad, breaks all of those norms when it comes to traditional storytelling, and that's why I think it's a work that still baffles and intrigues so many classicists. That's why in my previous answer I said that it's important to keep an open mind, and to try to avoid blindly applying literary criticism devices such as cause-and-effect analyses or importing modern moral judgement and anachronistic theories in works like Homer.

I hope this helped! I love talking about the Iliad so if you have any more questions I'd gladly answer them <3

P.S. WOW that professor really needs to get their facts straight lmao, I'm sorry your first contact with the Iliad and Achilles was through a lens like that. It always astounds me how little some people actually know about the subjects they're supposed to be experts in, like to talk about Achilles, a character from the ILIAD, and to refer to him as a "rapist", a thing that only appears in later Roman works which were basically ILIAD FANFIC LMAO, and BAD fanfic at that because it was essentially anti-Greek propaganda......... wow wow wow

P.S.2 unless the "rapist" thing refers to him sleeping with Briseis/a slave, which WOW once again extremely myopic take, very culturally and contextually tone deaf, I wish they actually do their research and stop spreading slander, that's slander, like come ON

[skellymom]

BAD BAD BATCH SEASON 3, EP 8 SPOILERS

FENNEC SHAND

Total bitch. But effective bounty hunter.

Props to her cutting the wires on the pontoon boat.

Boo to her nasty remark:

Hunter "Money isn't everything."

Fennec: "That's cause you don't have any."

He didn't clap back. Too tired? Or, he KNOWS he's got a family and a place on Pabu where money isn't really even super important.

In fact, she even asked him about Omega. Back in S2 she seemed to be bantering with Omega about having to be careful, especially if you are on your own. It seemed she was speaking about herself too.

She also alluded to Omega being taken. But didn't elaborate if that was when Cad Bane or Hemlock took her.

The person Fennec spoke to via the garbled or distorted transmission at the end:

Could it be Tech? Or Clone Trooper X?

I tried to turn up my TV as loud as possible to hear the voice, but I think it was distorted intentionally to keep us guessing.

The music playing was ominous, so there is a chance it was nefarious. But it wouldn't seem to be the Empire as she wouldn't need to phrase the question about the "Empires M-Count" the way she did.

Fennec to Wrecker and Hunter: "You can either fight me or trust me. Your choice.". Then she salutes them as her ship pulls out of the hangar.

It would be kind of cool to see them all work together again. Good bickering teammates.

**********

CROSSHAIR AND OMEGA

While I like the message of reaching out to others for help. I didn't like the narrative of having to "fix yourself with meditation/possible Force power" if Crosshair indeed does have PTSD.

This series is veterans of war coded. PTSD is something many came home with and struggled/will struggle with for the rest of their lives. There is no quick fix.

I'm hoping Omega will be supportive, but Crosshair may have to accept not being a perfect killing machine in exchange for being an imperfect loving human being.

We will see..

********

PHEE

This saddens me so much: The lack of serious conversation or even a memorial moment for the loss of a central character and potential love interest.

Yeah, it's a kids/young adults show. But even then effective grief representation could have been written in.

The clones (many of which were nameless) in TCW S7 who went down with the Tribunal got a final resting place tribute marker with their helmets.

There could have been one for Tech on Pabu with his Goggles. Perhaps he would have had a place in the Archium? And a moment of silence with the whole Batch, Phee, Lyana, and Shep. He helped save the people of Pabu and rebuild after the Tsunami.

********

That's all I got to say about this episode.

What's everyone's thoughts about it???

[gremlinbabe]

Things I would’ve liked seeing in the teen wolf movie:

-Laura being the birth mom of Eli & the story of how Derek ended up adopting his nephew

- Scott as a veterinarian following deatons steps but he decided to relinquish his true alpha powers to Derek when he realized he really isn’t cut out to be alpha because he never wanted to be a werewolf but with therapy realized he wouldn’t mind being a beta because it’s much calmer and if he stayed in the area wouldn’t become an omega. Making Scott happier maybe he finds himself a gf/bf

-Alpha Derek encouraging his pack by leading by example became a mechanic and a consultant (also show more mechanic Derek 😭😭)

-Grown fbi emissary stiles with little magics & werewolf strength. Happy & dating Derek with a newly fixed jeep

-Stiles and Lydia reestablishing a good friendship after the break up and the whole thing with the Jeep

- CEO & fashion icon Lydia using banshee powers to find out when corporate Headhonchos die to bet on stocks that will increase pack funds a little but not make it suspicious. still being on top of her game ceo wise excluding her powers

-Seeing more of Lydia’s powers.

-Jackson and Lydia sass offs (but with Margo/Elliot from the magicians dynamics and not whatever they did in the movie)

-Jackson and Ethan wedding👀 or at least cute domestic life

-Liam in meditation classes & a financial analyst, in charge of pack finances (+Liam and Hayden together and maybe have a kid)

-If Liam has a kid Mason to be the godfather

-Peter as a stockbroker so Lydia doesn’t have to dirty her name & maybe some art galleries around the world for when he needs to step away from stocks to not be suspicious.

-Issac happy with a French husband who treats him amazing back in beacon hills & neighbors with Derek & regularly does community bbqs. i’d like to think that Isaac would become an amazing social worker for how badly social workers handled his case.(Maybe a little bit of father figure Chris cuz he took care of him and grieved with him after Allison)

-Chris argent allowed at pack bbqs and functions because he’s proved himself over and over and the pack is the only ppl who can also understand the lost of his daughter

-Peter and Chris regularly attend therapy and grief counseling and sometimes together

-Peter and the sheriff do lunch sometimes and we get stories about all the on goings of become hills cuz they like to gossip like old ladies

-Malia back in beacon hills after traveling the world and has become a pilot and constantly brings gifts for the pack ( maybe she introduces 2 poly partners)

-Kira back from the dessert with a mastery of her powers and maybe a journalist now

-Jordan retires as a cop to get his powers under control & becomes a fitness instructor to keep active but have a more chill pace job. I’d like to think that he recommended meditation classes to Liam.

-Erica and Boyd alive well and happy with some kids(let me be delusional)

-The hale house remodeled to fit all the pack when they visit

- I liked John & Mason as sheriff & deputy. ITs Mason following stiles steps in his own way

-Mason get a cute bf

-Deaton left town to go work with his sister but stays as a hale pack ally /mentor of emissary! stiles

-Cora being a cool aunt, ufc fighter 👀

-Discount kira can stay but she’s just introduced as a part of Satomi‘s pack and not as discount Kira and maybe kira occasionally mentors her

-Eli is adorable as is, maybe give him some friends and show his interactions with his pack and how they spoil him to death 

-Some low-key Chris, Peter, and Melissa dates

-Give the sheriff a girlfriend

-Show the sheriff being a grandpa

-Derek regularly cooking and bringing lunch to the sheriff for stiles

-Kira and Scott getting back together would’ve been cute

-Would’ve rather Allison stay dead for storyline consistency and the emotional development and growth of all the characters. But if she’s sticking around then I would’ve liked for Scott to fill her in and they be friends. She gets to visit Isaac and we get to see that reunions reaction and they’re both happy for each other. we get to see her and her dad reuniting and him fumbling over explaining his current relationship with Peter & Melissa. And maybe she leaves Beacon Hills with Malia to learn more about herself & the world. And when she’s ready to come back she becomes a self-defense teacher. NO HER AND SCOTT DATING HATED THAT.

-For Malia and Parrish to have not been a thing because why🤢

[cold-blooded-jelly-doughnut]

Thanks to @carlos-tk @carlos-in-glasses @strandnreyes @freneticfloetry @lemonlyman-dotcom and @sanjuwrites for the tags! Please enjoy some (more than seven sentence worth of) angsty smut from First Time After, a WIP I’m hoping to finish by the end of next week! 💛

Carlos sucks him slowly tonight. Slow but not teasing – an important distinction. It’s sensual this time, the way Carlos sinks down slowly, sucks TK firm but with delicate pace. It’s not about showing off, not about making him beg for more or pull Carlos’s hair to guide him playfully. It’s about love, TK realises, as he makes fists in the bedsheets and lets his whole life’s experience narrow down to the warmth of Carlos’s mouth as he takes him in like this – the gentle drag of his tongue against the underside of TK’s c*ck, the way he pulls back carefully and slides back down, the way he grips TK’s thighs softly, strokes his thumbs back and forth soothingly over his skin. It’s about need, he thinks, as he tilts his head back and touches fingers to Carlos’s head. He applies no pressure, makes no attempt to control his movements. He feels the softness of his boyfriend’s hair and the heat of him through his curls. He hears himself moaning, soft keens that break through the silence, his every breath gone ragged as Carlos blows him expertly, and lovingly, right here on their bed.

And, as Carlos sinks down as far as he’s gone yet tonight, and swallows against the sensitive head of TK’s c*ck, TK’s body gives a tantalising, involuntary jolt, and he remembers there’s one more thing all of this is about.

Grief.

Something small dislodges in TK’s chest, and a sob tears out of his throat.

No pressure tags below

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