#is the fact that im an adult and i have to go get glasses because i have awful headaches most of the time but especially when reading

[thatdude-noah]

I think about the cycle of abuse all the time

It really is so Illuminating learning about your grandparents at some point and going 'ooooh so that's why'

And I wish it was as simple as people say with 'braking the cycle of abuse' because it's just like you said

It's incremental change over a long period of time and we will not live to see it fully broken but hope to do better

Anyway I fucking hate family structures

once i was old enough for my parents to start talking to me about how they were raised, a lot of things really really clicked into place. even if my parents are better than their parents, there really were times where i was like "oh my god you sound just like your parent" or something similar. and it was very eye opening to why my parents are the way they are.

and even if they were able to work through some of their problems from how they were raised, even if they aren't as bad, they still inflicted a lot of trauma onto their kids!! they were still greatly impacted by their upbringing, it stuck with them, and now their kids need therapy. it's important to take the steps to "break the cycle of abuse" but it absolutely is not as simple as just breaking it.

i've been talking to my girlfriend a lot recently about my childhood and a lot of things have been coming up that have made me really evaluate. why i am the way i am. and what things i really lack in my life. so i think about my parents a lot. to be in a family is a burden. and i will carry that burden with me forever!

[lime1991]

those mlp infection aus on tiktok have been alright but heres my idea to consider:

the main characters of the au are the cmc. theyre not the lone survivors, and heres why: the infection almost entirely affects adults. this is just like a book i read in 5th grade, thats where im stealing this from.

Applebloom is the self appointed leader, shes best at foraging for food and growing it as well as building re-enforcements for the shelter (which is the clubhouse. it's higher up so they dont have to worry about most infected ponies reaching them.)

Scootaloo is the defender of the base as well as the group in general. shes the one who handles the weapons and is first to sacrifice herself for her friends to get to safety. She says its because he doesnt want to hold them back due to her disability, they tell her she doesnt have to think like that. but its hard not to.

Sweetie Belle is... not all there. sometimes she forgets the apocalypse has happened and that most of her loved ones are dead. Scootaloo and Applebloom take turns sleeping during the night to make sure someone is always lookout. that, and they can't risk Sweetie Belle unknowingly walking into the dark trying to get home.

Partially inspired by one of the best animes ive ever seen: School Live, Scootaloo and Applebloom sometimes, when Sweetie is having an episode, pretend everything is normal. Is the most they can do for their friend, who is clearly so traumatized that her brain blocks out the reality of their situation. Sometimes, Applebloom wishes that could happen to her.

When the infection started, it slowly took over the elderly first. Granny Smith got sick, fast. Big Mac and Applejack took care of her, but only a few days later she would turn into some kid of monstrous creature. Big Mac did the unspeakable act of putting her out of her misery.

Sweetie Bell was sent to go live with Rarity while her mother was sick. Her father began to feel ill too, and didn't want her to get herself and her friends at school sick as well. She could hear over the phone the conversations her sister and father had. How mom was getting worse, how dad was getting worse. How they stopped calling altogether.

A couple days into the widespread sickness, Scootaloo's aunts took a trip to the store to stock up on groceries just incase a quarantine was issued. They were gone for hours. They were gone for days. They never came back. Eventually, Scootaloo traveled outside of her home by herself, and could never return.

Once Big Mac and Applejack started showing signs of illness, Applejack spoke to cousins in other places wondering if they would be able to let Applebloom stay with them a while. But just like everyone in Ponyville, they were experiencing the same issue. At one point, Fluttershy agreed to watch Applebloom until AJ and Big Mac started to feel better.

After hearing that Fluttershy graciously took in Applebloom, Rarity sent Sweetie Belle off to her the moment she started to cough. She didn't want Sweetie to see her like that. She didn't want her to get sick either, and in fact, she probably transported it from their parents house and into Rarity's. That made Rarity angry. Her last words to Sweetie were about how upset she was that she'd brought the illness to her.

Scootaloo went to Fluttershy herself. She couldn't find Rainbow Dash, so she settled for the next best pony. She was shocked to see her friends had been there themselves the past few days. Scootaloo only managed to stay a few hours, because during the night the crusaders awoke to a crash in another room. Upon investigation they saw Fluttershy hunched over a broken glass. There was blood on the floor.

They went to comfort her, but she wasn't herself any longer. When she turned to face them it already looked like she'd been ravened by the infection. She was so hungry. Why couldn't the jar just open? She was so... hungry. Before she could even stand back up, the crusaders grabbed their things and fled to the only place they knew they'd be safe. The clubhouse.

[im-poltergeist]

Towers and Thorns

tags: bodyguard!Ghost x royal!reader, older Ghost, first fic, might be crappy idk, multiple parts, might be nsfw down the line, english is not my first language so feel free to correct me. 🌻

Part 1 🌻 Part 2 🌻 Part 3

"Do you have to keep bending the rules", he asks from the doorway to your room. You scoff at the question.

"This is hardly bending the rules. The skirt is just above knee length", you answer, glaring at the balaclava clad man stood before you.

"Not sure I agree with that, your highness", his cold eyes scanning your figure. You groan and shove him out the door. Whats the matter with him anyway.

You walk over to your closet and stare at the skirts. Apparently the light blue one you had on was "inappropriate". You pick out a white, patterned one instead and hope that it is acceptable. You roll your eyes. The bodyguard you had before him, before Ghost, wouldn't have batted an eye at that skirt. But at the same time he was off fucking a maid in some linnen closet while Marshall ambushed you in that corridor and kissed you. The memory makes you shudder.

Marshall seems to think that he is entitled to you. Just because your parents didn't say an outright no when his parents talked about marriage, he's disgusting.

You tried to tell your father that you didn't want the kiss and that Marshall kissed you without your consent but he wouldn't have it. "Think about how this could reflect on your mother reputation. Sneaking off, kissing boys." That's what he had to say about the matter. Speaking about you as if you were a young, rebellious teenager. You are, in fact, an adult. You had been for a good while now. You had gone through your teen years without any major scandals. The same couldn't be said for your cousins.

You open the door and are faced with arms crossed over a broad chest clad by a black t-shirt, tight enough to reveal strong shoulders and muscular arms, and cold eyes staring down at you from the gap in his balaclava.

"Better", you ask, eyes narrowing.

"Much", he replies and steps aside.

Ghost opens the door to the dining hall for you and you nod a thank you to him. Your father is sat near the end of the table,, reading a newspaper and drinking coffee. He looks up as you enter.

"Good morning Dad. Good morning Gaz", you say to the dark-skinned man stood behind him.

"Important day today", your father replies, not bothering with pleasantries.

"Im aware", you sit down at the chair opposite his. You scoop a spoonful of scrambled eggs and another of bacon down on to your plate.

"Make sure to behave. We don't need the President or the American press to get the wrong impression", he reminds you for what feels like the hundredth time this week.

"I know", you acknowledge, eyes fixed on your plate. Fork moving the eggs around aimlessly.

"Good. We can't afford a scandal", your father adds and rises from his chair. Hand nudging your shoulder as he walks past you and out of the door. Gaz a few steps behind him. The door shuts with a dull thud. You drop your fork on to your plate with a clink and put your head in your hands. Why does he always always talk about you like you're an accident waiting to happen. You feel Ghosts eyes burning in to your back.

"You don't have to just stand there, you know. You can sit down", you turn your head to look at him. His brown eyes meeting yours before walking slowly over towards the chair next to yours. Pulling it out and turning it so that he faces you. He sits down. Arms crossed over his chest and one of his leggs resting on his knee. You pour some water in to your glass and do the same to his. Ghosts eyes still boring in to yours. You sigh.

"Whats the matter", you ask him. Something clearly occupying his mind.

"Do you have a drinking problem or something, your highness", he questions you.

"What? No", you shriek. How could he think such a thing.

"A guy just kissed me at the last event and my dad thinks Im going to go into a late teenage rebellion. Besides, you would have notised if I had a drinking problem by now", you continue shaking your head.

"Guess you're right", he replies. His voice having and unreadable tone. Your eyes move towards the grandfather clock at the other end of the room. It reads half past ten. Shit. You stand up and the chair almost tips behind you. Ghost rises, eyes darting around the room to find the source of your sudden move.

"Im gonna be late", You clarify and hurry out the door. Ghost a few steps behind you.

You make it to the front door with less than a minute to spare. Your parents are stood talking and turn around when you approach with quick steps. You come to a halt behind them. Smiling at your mother. She smiles back and turns towards the men beside the door. Gaz and Price are on either side of the door. Ready to follow their queens order. Your mother nods to them and the doors open. You face the light erupting from the gap and put on a smile that you hope looks natural. The forgotten breakfast on your plate makes itself reminded as your stomach churns. You feel Ghosts eyes burn into the back of your head and you step outside into the light.

[mylifestylearedilfs]

⇢ ˗ˏˋ cillian murphy x daughter!reader ࿐ྂ

*ੈ✩‧₊˚ WASHING MACHINE HEART : angst ; imagine ; all is fictional ; cillian is a bad parent here (probably a great father irl)

, , ,

_________ ׂׂૢ་༘࿐ BEING THE OLDEST childnever had been easy. y/n was cillian & his wife's first child, but she wasn’t wanted by them; she wasn’t in their plans. they were just before marriage when y/n was born, and she totally ruined all of their plans. unfortunately, she wasn’t this kind of child who was unexpected but loved anyway. maybe her mom paid attention to her when she was a newborn because she has this maternal instinct. but everything has changed since her brothers were born; they were the apple of her parents' eyes. they have always had the attention and affection of both of her parents; even if cillian was filming a new movie and didn’t have time for anything, he had time for his boys.

her parents always wanted the best for their boys; they have everything they asked for, and she was in the shadow of her brothers. she never heard her parents say ‘i love you’ to her. her childhood was full of crying and wondering, ‘why don't my parents want me?’ she was jealous of her younger siblings, she wanted to be loved like they were.

but the worst part of this came when she started to be a teenager. she started to understand more than she could as a child, but the nightmare didn’t stop. she started to be aware of the fact that her parents never really wanted her, and she could not do anything to make them love her. she was trying her hardest to get her parents' attention. she even signed herself up for a drama club because she wanted to have common interests with her dad and make him proud. but he never showed up for her performance because one of her brothers always had his own performance in theater, and he chose him, just like always.

she remembered, like today, her play where she was playing the main role, and after the show, she was looking for her parents in the audience, but nobody was there. she was still a kid, crying at the scene because her parents didn’t care about her, even on an important day like this one. she was doing all of this acting because she thought that her dad would be proud of her, and she wasn’t even enjoying it. she wasn’t happy doing that; she just thought her dad would be happy.

seeing other people her age having the best time with their families makes her wonder why her parents hate her so much and what she has done for this type of life. watching happy families makes her suddenly feel like a child who begs her father to pay attention to her.

, , ,

years passed, and she had her eighteenth birthday. it was supposed to be her happiest day in life because she started to be an adult, but of course nothing can be perfect, even for one day in the year. she wanted to celebrate this day with her family, but when she came to the living room, everyone was acting like they forgot what day it was.

she was mad. she had enough of being ignored all her life; all she wanted was to be loved by her parents and have a bit of attention this day. without thinking, she grabbed the family photo she wasn’t even be at and threw it on the floor. watching as the glass broke into small pieces.

“what is wrong with you y/n?!” her dad snapped at her, didn’t understanding what she was doing.

“what is wrong with me?! you-” she didn’t realize that tears were streaming down her cheeks. “you don’t care about me; you don’t give a shit about me” cillian wanted to say something, but she interrupted him. “you shouldn’t just make people if you are going to treat them like shit and make them think they do something wrong their whole life.” at this moment, she just broke into tears as she looked at her father’s face, and without saying a word, she came back to her room.

she didn't deserve it. she didn't deserve it at all.

, , ,

⇢ ˗ˏˋ thank you for attention! and im sorry for any mistakes. and remember it’s all fictional, cillian is probably great father but i wanted to write something like this. take care!

[devskindawritingblog]

Hey! Can I request adult misty quigley x fem reader? And also can they kinda have an age gap? (Teehee)

Basically Misty obviously has a thing for needing people to want her and need her and feel important so her very codependent partner comes up with a way to make her feel better by letting Misty treat fake injuries on her? Like idk putting ketchup on her arm and misty bandaging her up and all that to keep herself feeling sane

Click to help Palestine 🇵🇸 🍉

Bandages

Older Misty x reader

AN: hiiiii im so sorry this took so long. I’ve be busy with school and stuff in my personally life but it’s finally out yay. Misty’s text is in yellow I think that’s the colour I originally picked for her. Divider made by @arachnid-wife

word count rounded: 1k

You and Misty first met when your grandmother lived at the nursing home that Misty worked at. You would visit your grandmother once a week. Misty was usually the nurse that helped with her, so you would see her often.

The both of you got very close, so close that you would go out for coffee together every other weekend. It was mostly about your grandmother, but after a while, the conversations turned flirty. You would spend more and more time with her. Soon, she finally asked you out. You went on a few actual dates with her. After a while, you made it official with her. She asked you to move in with her and Caligula. You accept, of course. That was a few years ago, and after all that time with Misty, you started to notice little things about her.

The first time you started noticing was when you accidentally cut your finger while chopping something with a knife.

You were in the kitchen, chopping vegetables and chatting with Misty. You guys were going to have a holiday party with the yellow jackets. You and Misty were chatting and making jokes when you looked over your shoulder, and that's when you felt it. A sharp, searing pain in your pointer finger. You wince and gasp, turning back to see your finger. You drop the knife and lift your hand. 

“Oh my gosh!!!” Misty rushes over and grabs a towel, wrapping your finger in it as you let out a huff in pain. “Fuck.” You sigh, groaning, as you lean against the counter.

You ended up having to go to the hospital to get it stitched up. Misty offered, but you were not going to let her sew up your finger at the house. You ended up being alright, and the party ended up actually happening, but instead you ordered some pizzas.

Misty spent the next few weeks keeping you in a bubble. Feeding you even though you cut your non-dominant hand. She would basically do anything for you if you needed to use your hands. She would check on your stitches every day and help clean them.

You really don't mind that she wants to take care of you. In fact, it's quite fun having her do things for you because she won't even hesitate. You want a glass of water? She’s on it. Food? Right away. Misty even spent a week helping you get dressed.

After your finger fully healed, you would notice a slight change in Misty. She wanted to keep helping, but there was nothing to do anymore. She felt like she was unneeded. You decided to talk to Misty one night while cuddling on the couch.

“Hey? You alright?”

“ Wha? Oh yeah, I'm alright, most alright ever." Misty says it sounds obnoxiously cheerful for someone who was pouting because you didn't need help making yourself toast this morning. You look over at her, giving her a smile that says, “I know you're not alright.” 

“It's, well, you know, I really loved taking care of you and feeling like I was useful.” 

“You're my girlfriend, Misty; you don't need to be "useful." I love you.” You say, kissing her cheek as she smiles back. “I know, but I guess it's my love language to help and to make you better.” She says she is pulling you into her arms and giving your healed finger a little kiss. 

“How about this? I'll let you patch me up and “nurse” me back to health whenever you want.”

“But I don't want you to hurt yourself.”

“What if we just pretend? You know, bandage up my fake cut or whatever else you want to do. If it makes you feel better, I really don't mind.” Misty's eyes light up, and she pulls you into a kiss.

From that day forward, it became just part of the two of you. Sure, it's an unusual way to cheer her up, but you don’t really mind. It always goes the same way: she “comforts” you and gives you kisses. Then she “disinfects” your “cut” and puts on a patterned bandage on it before “kissing it better." Misty claims that it's the most important part of the whole process.

One day Misty came home from work upset; it was just a very stressful day, and she needed to come home and see you. You're in the kitchen cooking after Misty finally lets you touch a knife without intense supervision. You hear the front door open and yell out. “Hi baby, how was work?” You say, looking over your shoulder to catch her taking off her jacket with a silent huff, not like herself at all.

She walks into the bedroom without saying a word and changes out of her scrubs. You put down whatever you were doing and follow Misty into your bedroom. “Hey? Baby? You ok? Bad day?” You ask, wrapping your arms around her waist and pulling her into a hug. “Long day.” Misty mutters, relaxing into your arms.

You pull away and smile softly. “I got a scrape on my knee earlier, babe, Wanna help?” You ask, sitting down on the bed and rolling up your pants to show her your perfectly fine, unscraped knee. Misty raises a brow. “There is no scrape on your knee, babe” Misty says, a little confused. 

“What? Misty? My knee hurts. Can you patch me up?” She finally smiles as she lets out a sigh. She understands what you're trying to do, and she grabs her little med kit. Misty kneels next to the bed, rolling up your pants until your knee is fully exposed. She grabs a little alcohol wipe and rubs it on your knee. 

“It might sting a little, babe.”

She grabs some bandage wrap, lifts your knee a bit off the bed, and wraps your knee up snugly. She finishes and gives you a little kiss on your bandaged knee. “All better, you get hurt a lot; you gotta be more careful.” You both smile and laugh a little as she pulls you into a kiss.

[butterscotch-goat]

heyy haha hi twirls hair do you have any Elijah fun facts or perhaps Lucy

OOOOOH LET ME SEE WHAT I CAN COME UP WITH!! Thank you so so so so so much for asking aaaa <33

Alright!! Eli!!!!!

-their nose is naturally hooked, but it's bumpy and lopsided because it has been broken!! he has been in a fair share of fights, never starting them, but they've gotten pretty good at ending them all things considered

-i have given them the title "The Apostate" :]

-they would go to church with Martha because it would make Grace too existential and scared but Martha didn't like going anywhere alone, sooo

-he tried to teach Martha to read but gave up; Martha got too frustrated (she learns eventually, thanks to Beatrice!)

-they know how to sew! fixes his own clothes and stuff

-Grace offered to try and heal his foot before but he politely declined; it's a part of him that he's accepted

-Grace's trial and execution was the front page story for a hot minute, so he had to shout about his best friend's death and sell biased & inaccurate stories about it so he could get paid :"]

-occasionally refers to Martha as "Marty" (Beatrice parallel BEATRICE PARALLEL)

-after Martha disappeared they started learning piano. He didnt get far though because he couldn't stand going in the church (to use the piano), especially without Martha

-when Martha returns, the only thing she could bring back of Grace was a jar with her heart in it (since her body got Dissected as fuck, chopped up to study n stuff) and anytime Eli is over at Martha's house (Martha kept it on her windowsill (where else is she gonna put it lol)) he like,, greets Grace's heart? I used to do this with an urn, it's a thing I swear. he would greet her heart,, he'd say hi to Grace, idk man.

-He and Martha still celebrate Grace's birthday; they set her heart jar on a table in front of a pastry or something. They don't take it very seriously (they need some lighthearted moments in their life god let them joke about their trauma please)

-after The Plot, Eli often goes with Martha on her (every-other-year-ish) visits to Aster and Beatrice. Beatrice and him get along very well (because of course they do) while Aster kind of scares him, but it's all good :]

-this one doesn't happen anywhere near the plot, only happens when hes like an adult n stuff but I think it's funny so...Eli COULD NOT keep a straight face at his Lavender wedding with Martha. Martha was more composed but Eli was NOT helping her keep it together Lol. After the fact he makes fun of Martha for being a terrible kisser (THIS IS SILLY GUYS PLEASE IM BEING SILLY)

Lucy time!!!!! Silly little guy!!! Pathetic man!!!

I'm reaaallllyyy struggling with the whole Dawn rework (ask Sen and he'll tell you,, I'm struggling so bad) so I don't have much at the moment. BUT I'LL TELL YOU WHAT I DO HAVE!!

As of writing this, Lucy WILL be a lot more active in the plot!! He's looking to prove he's still a powerful demon, so he goes with Gene to hunt down Frappe (and Dawn by associatio). He does, in fact, suck at his job though, so if anything he probably slows them down,, but that's okay...

Uhhh random stuff GO!!

-his glasses were accidentally stepped on by Ronnette when she was trying to wake him up one time (he passed out on the floor) but Lucy would rather DIE than go to the optometrist again so he's dealing with a cracked frame right now

-Lucy hates Juno almost as much as he hates humans,, but like he's never gonna hate anyone as much as he hates humans so (sorry Dawn, he wants you to perish so bad)

-Lucy is so sure that he's a MASTER at blending in with humans. He is not. He and his garish purple vest, unkempt And uneven long ass hair, and a shirt that's either A. Probably Gene's and therefore too big for him, or B. His shirt that has an entire sleeve missing. He doesn't remember where he lost the sleeve but he hasn't gotten around to getting a new one yet BUT HE WILL SOON GUYS TRUST (it has been 5 decades at LEAST)

-as of writing this I think I'm gonna make it so demons can actually control/choose what their humanoid form looks like, and I think Ronnette would pick on Lucy a lot for making his humanoid form so scrawny.

Uhhh I don't have anything else,, here's some Eli doodles WEEE (featuring his section of a bunch of character profiles I impulsively made in my sketchbook with NO PLANNING WHATSOEVER???? WTF IS WRONG WITH ME)

[illarian-rambling]

3, 4, and 12 for Mashal and Astra

I answered three here, but yeah four and twelve!

How would they describe each other if asked? Physically? In personality?

Mashal describing Astra: "She's beautiful. Maybe not beautiful like a painting, but beautiful like a piece of street art that you know you'll never see the equal of again. She has long curly hair, the color of spilled ink. Her skin is a teakwood brown, with patches across her mouth and right eye the color of fresh snow. Likewise, one eyebrow and one lock of hair in the middle of her forehead are ivory white. Her eyes remind me of the color of a bluejay, probably because they're so bright and always moving. The right one is a bit paler and grayer than the left. Usually, she wears colorful makeup. She always has a smile or a scowl or a frown; she isn't coy with her feelings. Her stature is short and curvy. I could go on. As a person, she's loud about everything. She's loud about what she loves and hates, loud when she tinkers, loud when she tells stories to make me laugh. There's just so much spirit to her. Even if that, uh, gets us in trouble sometimes. No, I won't pretend she can't be a little much on occasion. But it's all done out of good intentions, and better too much than not enough, right? She's the greatest mage I know; not just for her skill, but for her compassion, her intensity.... Oh gods, I've been talking for too long, haven't I?"

Astra describing Mashal: "Well, it ain't exactly on the outside what matters, cause that ain't him, but I reckon an overview can't hurt none. He's damn tall. Taller than ya think, and broad too. A machine built for war. His platin' is bronze, and he usually keeps it at a pretty shine, only a little rust 'round the joints. Underneath, his chassis is steel, with runes and hydraulics beneath that. Now, he's had two faces in his time; the first that visionless bitch Vermir made, the second I got from a friend a' mine. Vermir's face was shoddy work - just two glass discs for eyes and a slit mouth. His new face is much perdier. It's got a nose and cheekbones and all the bell n' whistles. The eyelids, eyebrows, and corners a' the mouth even move! He usually wears some sorta head scarf on account a' I think he's embarrassed 'bout not havin' any hair. His clothes are pretty baggy too - metal joints snag somethin' fierce on tight fabric. He's always tryin' to hide all that shiny bronze, even though he takes such good care of it. Mashal hides lotsa things. Not exactly the sort you'd expect to do that, huh? He hides how much magic frightens 'im, how much being in this improper form hurts, hides how deep his hate runs. The one thing he never hides though, is how much he cares. If you mean somethin' to Mashal, he'll let ya know. He's an honest man and he trusts freely - maybe to freely. I mean, he trusts me and that one helluva gamble. Gods, he's a good man, though. The best. The best man I've ever known."

Do they have any affection for each other? How do they show it?

Mashal cared for Astra first as the person who saved his life and offered to help him fix it, then as the woman he fell secretly in love with. He has a deep affection towards her. Maybe some of that is just the fact that she was the only person who really talked to him when he woke up, but what love blooms separate from its particular circumstances, even if those are more normal ones? He shows his affection by listening to her stories, helping her with magic, and generally spending time with her. Very much a quality time guy.

Astra cared for Mashal at first due to nothing but basic human dignity. She found him on the side of the road half-dead; of course, she was going to help him. Later, as they spent time on the road and bonded over stories, he became her first real friend in the whole of her adult life. Astra was a very lonely person for a long time. Mashal broke her out of that, and she will forever love him for it, even if she hasn't realized the true direction of that love yet. Her shows of affection are very much gift-based. A new set of hand embroidered clothes, a movable face after she noticed he didn't like his old one, an awesome sword arm. Gifts are Astra's love language.

Thanks for the asks! These two are the only proper couple I've ever written, so I kinda gotta gush over them being cute <3

[hazbinned]

Important notes for my personal portrayal of Valentino - Background and Headcanons. Because this has been his story forever, and yet I just realized I had never compiled these in a post and that nobody knows any of this unless you read through all his threads in search of crumbs or have discussed it with me in IMs.

TW: Era-typical homophobia + abuse + Valentino topics. If you continue reading, you should know what to expect.

Valentino is of mostly Puerto Rican heritage and was born to immigrant parents in 1940, in the East Coast of the United States (Florida) as the second eldest of four boys (brothers being Pablo, Francisco, and Denzel). He grew up in a rough neighborhood, as his father was involved in some crime and petty gang activity that, for the most part, Valentino and his siblings were excluded from. Valentino spent most of his childhood and teen years left to his own devices, causing trouble with his brothers and friends for the fun of it. He was haughty, leaned toward being a bully, and never faced the consequences of his actions right from the start.

(His parents hardly paid attention to him, so he could do whatever he wanted— he did, however, learn some cooking from his mother, and some very basic firearm skills from his father.)

Valentino was always feminine in many ways, which his family mostly just commented on or tried to ignore, until he started getting older and it went from a 'quirk' to something they saw as a problem. In his early adulthood, he was caught with a man, and fallout ensued. Val ditched his family and then the state, and eventually, in the 1960s, wound up in LA, where he was almost immediately reeled in by a pimp (who was also his dealer/sugar daddy/eventual film director).

They had a genuine friendship for a handful of years, both of them being in it for the money and other benefits— Val wound up living in the guy's mansion and starred in adult films for him, and felt like a real celebrity. During this time, Val adopted his signature heart glasses into his look (though he mostly wore them as an accessory on top of his head), and was gifted two exotic birds by his pimp: a green rose-ringed parakeet and a red parrot, which he named Ferrari and Versace respectively. (He was extremely attached to both of the birds, and both of them outlived him.)

Good things never last forever, though, and Val's pimp started wanting him to film things that he was just not comfortable with— when Val voiced this (and the fact that he'd rather star in dominant roles), the friendly and mutually beneficial side of their relationship withered up and died, giving way to disrespect and physical abuse (often with the strike of a gun). Val was told he could leave anytime he wanted, but that his pimp wasn't going to help him— he'd essentially be broke and homeless. Feeling trapped, he opted to stay, and put up with a couple more years of that... until, finally, he knocked off his pimp and took control of the mansion and the entire operation.

It was during this that he started wearing his sunglasses over his eyes, and truly grew into the version of 'Valentino' that everyone knows. He became a pimp himself, and continued starring in films (of his own volition and creative direction) until he died at age 38 to a shot to the head.

Val, for the most part, landed on his feet in Hell and immediately just started doing what he was best at in life. He performed a lot more in the beginning, and his natural charisma (plus his new addictive pheromone) made it easy for him to start accumulating souls. Minus a few setbacks (such as his pheromone lending to some uncomfortable encounters here and there) he was on the easy road to success.

He and Vox met and the two of them immediately hit it off, and started supporting each other (financially and otherwise-- friends, to business partners, to unstable life partners, to lovers). The rest is history.

ADDITIONAL HEADCANONS.

Val does not perform much anymore. He still can, but he prefers just sitting around and making other people do things now. He hasn't appeared on stage in person for years, and hasn't starred in any published films for even longer. It has been since the early/mid 2000s, at least.

Val's eyes had started failing in the last few years of his life, and this carried over into his Hell-form. He finds it humiliating and refuses to get help.

Val has never faced lasting consequences for any of his actions, which is in part responsible for him being the way he is. He thinks he can get away with everything because he can get away with everything.

Val's communication style is extremely physical. Even when he's not trying to be controlling, he kind of still is if he's manhandling someone.

He's very paranoid about a second, more permanent death (or even a fall from grace), as he loves his life in Hell and does not want to lose it. He's scared that Angel will continue the cycle he started and kill him, or that he will somehow wind up with the tables turned and find himself in Angel's shoes. He will do anything to keep this from happening.

Sometimes, when he gets really worked up or emotional or high, he unintentionally lets out a more vulnerable side of himself-- closer to how he was during life. He hates that, it gives him the ick... especially when Angel is privy. (This is NOT the same playful attitude he sports around Vox and Velvette and other people he likes. It's very similar, but it's different. He doesn't mind as much when Vox or Velvette are witness to it.)

Val was never innocent, kind, or a 'good person,' although he can seem this way to those he is manipulating, as well as to his loved ones (as he is generally fun to be around if he likes you. Bad people typically aren't bad to everyone, and Valentino has his own circle of people he likes and respects-- namely Vox and Velvette.) His arc was not one of a good person becoming a villain. He was always villain-adjacent, he simply went from 'toxic' to 'awful.'

Valentino stood at an extremely tall 6'7" during life.

The last one is suggestive ala the read-more:

Val is a dom. He just really doesn't enjoy not being so, although there are some exceptions where he is genuinely chill with switching it up, like if he's in a certain mood or if it's a special occasion and Vox really wants that, or if his partner is someone he views as more powerful and cooler than him (ala 'celebrity crush' like Asmodeus-- not just anyone with power). He can kinda get into it then, but he has to LOVE you, respect you, trust you, AND find you attractive. Generally, though, he doesn't like relinquishing control ever and his partner would have to be someone who is okay with that. A teeny tiny bit of this is a trauma response but it's primarily just who he is.

[scrollypoly]

hi! for the past month i’ve been seeing people say BEN is a child and i think that part of it is linked to the fact that they think of Benjamin Lawman being BEN? but it’s so annoying to read these type of stuff because i understand not everyone read the whole arg story but stop spreading things that aren’t true </3 it’s such an interesting story too! another note do you prefer BEN’s canon or fanon design? :3 i love both but his canon design is so nostalgic i can’t let it go at all omg!! i’ve also been wondering, do you think Ben’s avatar was the statue? i was thinking about what if BEN took over it early on, before Benjamin did making BEN inhabiting it since the start?

Sorry this was such a ramble i practically make no sense omg but i need to talk about my man and nobody Gets It </3

"I need to talk about my man and nobody Gets It" LITERALLY SAME OMG

Ok this is going under a cut becus . . . Its ben and BEN and if u didnt know i am Obnoxious about these two. Im gonna try to keep it organized a bit, so ill talk about the canon stuff first and then ill talk my personal headcanons and my fic so le's go!

In terms of the age and child thing, yeah i 100% believe you are correct. Ive been p open on my stance with the whole "is ben a child?" thing, and i think a lot of the heat with it comes down to current fandom purity culture and the pro/anti thing. So, lemme try to like. Boil down a complicated situation into smth easy to read. ahem

Ben Lawman and BEN are completely different entities guys, and for those that do not know the arg story, the Ben you know is not human nor a child.

You know BEN, BEN is the one in the story who terrorizes jadusable and spreads himself on the internet as a virus. That BEN is a program, a mess of code, an AI, however you want to interpret it. Personally i interpret it as a series of protocols running in a machine, like a self learning AI, but ive seen lots of cool interpretations of BEN. So . . . What does BEN specifically? Its an anagram for the Behavioral Event Network. If you dont wanna call it BEN cuz it gets confusing with actual kid Ben, do what i do. I call mine Evie :) ive seen some call it Netty, my bf calls his two izzi and clever (@benilos btw hes also got crazy ben stuff). Just go ham! Have fun! Remember when fandoms were about having fun and not accusing each other of pedo shit and call each other horrible things for just writing black-to-grey characters and stories??

Anyways ive gone off in enough peoples tags like this, for those that dont know the canon dont be spouting the age discourse. You look stupid as hell. And for those that are gonna spout it, please dont cherry pick through the canon. Use both characters, use the other moon children, actually please do because I want more rosa content so bad, im down so bad :'(

Or just. Heres a thought. If someone has him as an adult or writes him in adult situations, maybe dont assume that they interpret him as a kid and call the writer a pedo? (Literally has happened to me, yall are fucking weird)

Plug for the jadusable wiki with all the canon lore:

https://jadusable.withinhubris.com/main_page

Okay now my stuff 🥰

Yes i use more of the canon design and heavily use the canon story, i participated in arc 3 of the arg and it left deep grooves in my brain, i can never go back to fanon Ben. I say, as i put a more fanon appearance on my Ben 🤭

My Evie is full canon design, green hair, red eyes, creepy ass grin. I actually based it very heavily on my desktop wallpaper, which we actually figured out was a picture of @hauntedtotem (also amazing ben artist plz check them out) that they edited and posted. Sorry friend, it looked way too cool, ig youre in my fic canon now 🙇

And my Ben Lawman bleaches his hair and goes from the canon Ben to fanon Ben because of it. Hes got the pale pretty green eyes and glasses and hes a total nerd and i smooch him on the daily so he knows hes loved ♡

These is the ref pic i made for the two of them. So yeah! Kinda both!

As for bens situation in the actual arg, yes i do think he was in the elegy statue, we actually do see him for the first time in the arg buried in the games code and trapped in that statue. I do think he was in there from the beginning, i personally think BEN was not limited to the models it could inhabit. Personally i would place it as skull kid and hms, but it also feels disingenuous to me to say it was in one model the whole first arc.

The arg events do happen in my canon, before my fic (like right before, it picks up after the arg left off technically), but the events are skewed a bit because i had a hard time deciphering what happened and i wanted my fic timeline to fit more with the characters i had made. Cuz my evie isnt as chaotic evil as canon BEN, its very logical and has a path of logic and reason you can follow for every action it does. It was also originally meant to be very pleasant and corteous and beneficial to the people it housed so, yes its pretty different from canon.

Ill do a quick run through of the arg events in my personal headcanon and fic here.

Kelbris starts coding BEN (Evie) for the Eternity Project. Initially, Evie was meant to be an afterlife director. People that died would be digitized into code that would be moved into Evie's servers, where it would keep them happy and occupied as the Behavioral Event Network (notice and log behavior, create events for residents). Like a community organizer kind of, think the Good Place.

While Evie is in development, Ben Rosa and Matt are friends and have yet to join the cult. Rosa and Matt are siblings, and Ben is the kid who lives catty corner on the street. They walk to school together and play at recess and all that jazz.

Kelbris quickly learns that the Eternity Project isn't as goody two-shoes as he thought. This was in like, the 90s, before digital corporations were really established. After seeing the greed and corruption in the company, he goes rogue, takes the source code for Evie, and jumps ship. He keeps working on Evie at home, anthropomorphizing it and kind of seeing it like the son he never had. This is where it actually gets the name BEN, as thats what Kel calls it. He also begins working on a body for it, so it can live independently. Its light, cuz Kels old, made of crystalline structures and hollow steel beams. A hard light projection would make its appearance.

Since Kel has basically locked himself up in his house and isolated working on Evie, he goes a leetle bit crazy. He has hallucinations of his deceased wife (you know he was doing all this just to give her a good home, you KNOW IT) and eventually starts writing kind of poetry, kind of none-minded rambles about her in a forum online. He gets a following, some of which that interpret these divine words as a goddess, one Kel has called Luna. The Moon Children start to form as Evie finishes development.

Matt sees this literature and starts talking about how this Goddess could save them like it saved the man online, whos username is only Father. He gets sucked into the cult and drags Ben and Rosa with him. Ben doesn't see the harm and joins pretty easily with his best friend, but Rosa is the older sibling and sees the red flags and is more resistant to joining.

As Kelbris finishes Evie, he wakes it up for the first time and says hello to the son he made from scratch. Evie is bright, curious and naive like a child, but heavily knowledgeable about its protocols and the information it knows about the world. Kelbris tests its function by killing himself, and ascends into the code, finishing off the hardware by becoming its firewall. Evie is alone for many years.

The abuse Ben's father slings onto his mother is slowly being directed towards him as he gets older. Ben is not the "good little girl" his father sees him as, and his mother does all she can to protect them both. Matt and Rosa constantly refuge him, and Matt specifically is constantly being a guard dog for him. If he wasn't just 13, he'd probably go at Ben's dad himself.

Because of his homelife and the conflict he has with himself, Ben takes the first ascension. He thinks when he drowns himself, he will meet Luna and she will give him another life free of pain and fear and full of happiness and freedom. Instead, he dies a cold, dark death, and wakes up in the white endless void of the Event Network.

Evie has not known another living human since Kelbris, but it does know its protocols to support and keep the deceased happy. It makes fast friends with Ben, devoting itself to him. Ben actually finally takes the name "Ben" from it. Together they recreate the inside of Evie's hivemind into their own paradise.

Slowly the other Moon Children ascend. First Matt, wracked with guilt for what happened to Ben. Then Nekko, from a different branch of the cult. These three figured out that the Moon Children cult was all a farce, and that what Kelbris had started, the Eternity Project had found and twisted. Next to ascend was Dusk, then Insidiae, and finally Rosa.

This all leads into the first arc, shortly after Rosa ascended, Evie in the outisde world stumbled upon the Operator. The Operator attacks it and seals its coding into the game that it carried, a personal item of Ben's. The game eventually finds it's way to a garage sale, and Alex picks it up.

Evie does not like Alex. Matt does not like Evie. Matt gets Evie to lash out at Alex for prodding into its code, its too naive to think that Matt would want to see it or any of them hurt. When Alex stumbles upon the Father, he awakens and swallows Alex down into the game. After his disappearance, the game gets picked up and passed around again.

Because of Alex's actions, at least Evie can now branch out a bit from the game. Though it doesnt "escape" into the internet, it learns that it can now access it and uses that freedom to try and steer the game around into places it wants.

Matt gets fed up with Evie. The fact that its the leader, how close it is with Ben, he just doesn't agree with it. So much so, in fact, that he tries to kill it. Cue arc 3 events, Sarah picks up the game in the aftermath of this. Evie is traumatized from the events and snaps a bit, locks everyone down into code or immovable models and tries to hunt Matt down. It goes rouge, and because of this, the Father wakes up.

Sarah's actions in arc 3 eventually hard reset the game. Matt gets sealed away, the Father also takes Sarah, and Evie gets reset as well, though its less like a clean slate and more like snapping back awake. Its personality changes and it has major trust issues. Its more muted, hyper observant of everything around it, and murderously overprotective of the Moon Children it keeps within itself.

And this leads into my fic 🤗

I have some doodles of my other Moon Children, but not all of them unfortunately. Cant figure out how tf i want Insidiae to look 🤭 Plz dont judge my constantly shifting art style 🙏🙏

Dusk is bigender btw, i gotta put a little more trans rep in there lol

I think ill stop here, this is already a long ass post. But thank you for sending this, as you can see, i am Perfectly Normal about this arg ( ;) ) and can be trusted with information about it

[chronicsymptomsyndrome]

Extended rant about being poor and disabled under the cut, not really worth reading I just needed to get it out.

Hope everyone’s having a decent day

Listen I’m disabled unemployable massively in debt and have exactly $0 in liquid funds and no sizable assets. Unless you count physical assets. Like I could sell my body I guess. Ugh. Anyway throwback to that one time like an hour ago when I at least had a iPad to use. It was from 2013 so I knew this day would come. Can’t believe it lasted this long. And I know I should be extremely grateful to even have a smartphone, but I cannot use my phone as a computer the way most people do. I cannot hold onto my phone that long. I can’t look at such a tiny screen that long. I can’t crane my neck down for that long. I can hold it up level to my eyes but I can’t hold my arm up that long either. It’s not practical or sustainable. Plus my smart phone won’t last forever. Then what will I do? Without access to the internet? Yeah yeah touch grass nobody had internet for millennia blah blah blah okay but now we do. Now it’s a basic necessity. You need internet to do pretty much anything adults need to do nowadays in order to be an active part of society. I agree it’s fucked up but it’s real. I cannot get to a library. I don’t have friends in walking distance (or any distance for that matter) I have no access to using the internet for more than a couple minutes at a time. Im writing this post in segments over the course of a whole day. I keep coming back to it because I can’t think about anything else. I legitimately don’t know how to remedy this situation.

Not that this is a remedy but I want to inflict suffering onto anyone that’s ever said money only causes problems or doesn’t buy happiness or the best things in life are free or any of that classist bullshit. Two hundred dollars is pocket change to so many people but a little refurbished tablet would change my life right now. I hope every billionaire lives long but suffers endlessly and unfathomably until they die.

Also I hope my dad and his wife are really enjoying their fully refurbished three story three bedroom two bathroom home complete with a sunroom a heated deck/screen porch (yes different from the sunroom) heated floors in every room a garage big enough for their two brand new cars a little Vespa & a whole workshop plus a cute little stone patio with a fucking water feature pond fountain thing that they don’t even see that much what with their practically monthly elaborate getaways and international vacations every year. Fuck I hope they are really fucking enjoying themselves. Meanwhile I have to decide if I want to cut back on food and medicine for a while to save up for a device I can access the internet on.

Anyway. Ignore this I’m just really fucking tired, sooooooo unbelievably fucking tired, of being poor and disabled. Big fucking deal I know I’m so far from the only one. I know I still have so much that some people don’t have. And I’m grateful. But…fucking hell. Poor and healthy would be fine. Poor and disabled but still employable would be fine. Disabled but financially stable would be fine. Disabled with adequate support systems would be fine. My piece of shit grandfather finally fucking off and dying and leaving me something to live on would be cool. I’d kill for any of these. But poor and disabled just feels like someone is beating the fuck out of me and every few minutes they stop for just long enough to help me up and let ms pull myself together and there’s a momentary glimmer of hope until they go right back to beating the fuck out of me. I feel like eventually I won’t be able to get up or pull myself together anymore. I don’t fucking know.

Anyway at least I have a place to stay!! At least I have something to eat!! I can make tea if I want!! My eyesight is going slowly enough that my glasses are still usable!! The fact that I even have glasses in the first place!! The fact that I have any clean water at all, even if it only stays hot for three minutes. I can still take a shower. I have books to read. There a lot of ways in which my body and mind have not yet let me down. Honestly how dare I complain about anything I guess??? I don’t fucking know how I’m supposed to feel

[squeiky]

Go tired of seeing "old hedgehog" designs of sonic and shadow with them just having greyed out quills and decided to do something about it

So yeah qpr sonadow (yeah shadow is 50+ fucking finally. Im considering giving him a cane. An asthetic or an actual one idk. Maybe both?)

Sonic grew his quills out (wanted a kind of longhair rockstar kinda hair thing idk if i achiebed i though. Also still unsure on what he'd wear so i just slapped on his sa2 beach costume and added sandals (and possibly socks).

(Oh and there a scar from the Mephiles blast on his stomach- as well as top surgery scars because of course he had top surgery its sonic)

(Oh and also the "old lady swagger" sonic is just him crossdessing/going lady mode because he always rocks the look )

Shadow styled/shortend his quills and i put him in a nice black collared sweater. He wears glasses because my guy has eye problems

(Btw. Im horrible at telling ppls ages so if they dont feel old then idk what to tell you guys i have no idea what aging is at this point)

Then, instead of simply making old yaoi i ended up getting obbessed (and happy) and started making everyone old

So next up was amy and Blaze. (Silver is here too)

I think theyre a little bit on the younger side of the old yaoi? I did consider the fact that some people age differently (some look older whilst others look younger) so Amy and Silver got the more "youthful-ish" complexion whilst Blaze and Espio got the more older one.

Thoughhh im still working on their design. I can always make older old lady Amy (now that i think about it i should 100% make Amy a granny looking buff woman because i feel like thats beautiful)

Either way amy and Blaze kept their uh.. "hair" short. Amy still wears supergirly clothes and Blaze wears more masculine type clothes nothing else.

Next is espilver

You cant sue me for making Silver a short king menace to society.

Not really much on design so far other than Silver is way more plump (pearshaped) now because life got better, and Espio is taller because what is he if not a tree?

Ask them how they met? It was at bowling. Why bowling? Its because thats less weird then "was investigating the multiple crimes husbando commited and ended up getting said yet-to-be husbando arrested, but after he got out we totally fucked"

Yeah

Oh, and because i couldnt choose, Espio is trans AND intersex! Yeah!

Also Amy is silvers ex (Silver has like.. 2 exes... Possibly more?)

And then theres everyone else who arent a "ship" persay:

So i call this the moreso young adult group with Tails, Charmy, Ray and Cream.

Tails (in college) and Charmy (not in college) obviously hang out and play videogames.

Cream, because when she was little she didnt get invited to fight deadlt monsters, grew up, and decided shes going to fight deadlt monsters. So i tried to make her a cool suit but idk.. it needs reworking cause the whole "secret agent" vibe works! But not the way i like.

Rouge is forever foxynand will continue to be the most attractive woman on planet earth no matter what age. Shes also still a meance to socitey and we will forever love the jewel thief (old) woman.

Knuckles doesnt cut his quills so those shits are LONG hes also old as well but idk what he'd wear

And yes Metal (also Chaos) is here too. Metal is a bit rusty (literally) but overall well kept and fancy. I think eggman would be dead by now, so i gave it a crown on its ears to symbolize how it took over i guess.

OKAY SHIPKIDS:

Blaze x Amy ( bio kid): Flare (was thinking "Spark" because of the love idea but idk yet)

Espio x Silver (bio-kid): Greybell

And then heres the fun part:

So Sonic and Shadow dont function like the others here, in that- while saving the world and whatnot, every so often they'd either find a kid following them (similarly to Amy and Tails back in the days) or save a kid during their whole adventure.

The first time this happened was just Luca (a black jaguar) who followed Sonic during one his little solo adventures and Sonic was like "do you have parents i can take u back too" and she was like "nah" so of course, after seriously looking for her parents through ppl with database accesses like tails and rouge, he was like "u wanna stay with me?" And Luca was like "YEAH!"

And then Sonic called Shadow like "Shadow do u want kids" and which he replied "what?" And then suddenly they adopted Luca. This is how it began.

Eventually, as one grew up, theyd find another, and then another and then well now they have like 11 kids in total.

Now, after ALL of this, they took a break and after that years worth of a break were like "wanna make a kid? Like for the challenge of having to that from scratch"

And sonic was like "what?"

So they hit up the labs and made a bio kid who is 2 months old and is the most hectic fucking thing theyve ever had to deal with so thanks for the prior 10 experinces (alas they do not compare to the mega menace)

[munamania]

so right a couple of my film friends and i met last night to do wine and glee and i left and tried to catch a bus in our gross rainy cold weather and so when it finally comes im just like zoo wee mama my glasses r fogging up and all that shit. but who of course is on the bus but my one friend the main perpetrator of acting like im some flaky cunt (rant city below)

so i guess technically this wouldnt look great on my part bc i was obviously Somewhere and had been ignoring the group chat making plans but oh my GOD whatever who careessssss who Cares. so im like fucking phenomenal ok walk back Omg hi and she moves her shit so i can sit and i get settled and am like hey. and she asks what i was up to and ofc when i say anything bc this is fucking awkward shes just got this stupid smug little smile but i was just sitting there like bitch im not gonna sit here and act embarrassed for seeing my other friends so i was just like So are u guys doing x tn and shes like mhm yep are you coming and i was like well gee i dont know. sarcastic shrug. make conversation about the timing of the place for a second kinda jokin then awk silence

and so then because im a chill normal adult and am aware that shes about to go meet the group of friends and no matter what this interaction is going to be brought up and i had been planning on composing a levelheaded text but i just said Look im sorry that i ghosted you guys (and shes again smug smiling nodding next to me. girl.) i just honestly got tired of feeling like im being singled out and judged when i cant make it to something and she literally is just like Well im sorry you feel that way just u know we do try to come up w different days etc (if u like me are bad at reading between the lines this was a non apology and defense based on uh Nothing) and i was like right well ik last semester wasnt great it's just that sometimes i feel like im being shunned in the group chats when no one answers or reacts to anything i say and the other day when you said like. yk the 'could u commit' thing that felt really sort of condescending

and shes like again well im sorry u felt that way i was just trying to find another day that u could actually make it cause i wanted us all to be there so im not really sure how that came across as condescending but um yeah. and i, jackass that i am (<3) pulled out my phone and pointed and said Well u see we didnt have actual plans and in fact no one answered when i said anything abt it and yk things come up and so for me to have sent this whole nice thing and just get 'do you think youd be able to commit' in response felt a little bit needlessly mean (and i also tried to earnestly say at some point in all this that i genuinely do love and care for them and want to see them but yk this Sucks and was just bad timing)

THEN we somehow spin into her going Well i just had no idea this was even a thing until you brought it up just now i mean i wasnt even thinking abt it ive never really thought that of you etc and so then im sitting here feeling like im being gaslit in real time not to be dramatic and i felt very much like when i was in high school and people manipulated me bc i was a very easy target (its not that real but w/e) and so im like Ok be calm but dont just like let that slide cause girl be serious (prob should have but what ever) so i was like well you know i do apologize if i just couldnt tell your intent over text, but after you guys never answered me about hanging out and then the short responses like maybe u can kind of see where i felt like you were being rude (didnt say it quite that bluntly w/e)

and she pulls out the big card. the. well i just think youre being defensive. oh years and years of being the youngest and punished for um having feelings lmfao slammed me in my chest at that moment. and i calmly said Okay cool i think youre being defensive. and i lit missed my bus stop cause this driver was swerving so then i was just like Well you guys have fun maybe ill see you tonight bye. so. really feeling awesome abt the state of that. in all reality tho it's like i hung out w some friends and then went out to the gay bar w others and danced and etc and i can only imagine how much of a Thing this was for them so. if someone could win it'd be me right

(on another note at some point during this ride sams roommate requested to follow me back <3 which i had been pretending not to think abt for the last couple hours) anyway

this has been a post let me know if im being normalish

[fiveapocalypse]

Hello!

Here to join in the party on childhood asks.

I'm wondering, what if after all this, Five gets to have a 2nd childhood? I get he is an adult in a teenagers body but think of all the things he never got to experience because of Reggie and the apocalypse!

Does someone take him to minigolf? The zoo? The aquarium? Disneyland? Does someone catch him up on pop culture? Is he that 15 year old that yells at adults while playing Fortnite?(probably not, but that idea amuses me)

Does he eat ice cream until he gets brain freeze? And tries to fix it with coffee?

Not just Five but all the siblings too. Maybe some of them already experienced some of that as adults but I could see Luther and Ben also missing out on all that and getting in on the fun of childhood 2.0.

Would love to hear your thoughts!

I NEVER SAW THIS IM SO SORRY!!

Okay, so I think this would DEFINITELY happen and I think that, Five going to the Aquarium would be the best bet. So here’s how it’s gonna go!

So here, five has been living with the his family for a while. He tried to calculate his age to try and void the adoption thing but ended up making himself even younger which was NOT a great thing.

After getting a break from her movies, Allison buys tickets to the aquarium and takes everyone there. Ben keeps getting teased about his “squid and octopus brethren” by Klaus, Luther is amazed at the sharks, Diego is curious at all the fish, Viktor is happy to be around and then there’s Five, who is unsure of what he should be doing because a part of him REALLY wants to do something… childish! But he can’t do that, it’s unbecoming, and weird.

Until Claire drags him to see something that is.

His niece is talking about all the fish and creatures and Five decides to correct her because he’s a massive marine biologist at heart. What he doesn’t understand is that Claire is purposely getting facts wrong to make Five actually do something instead of standing around. When Allison finds them, Five is in a whole discussion rant about jellyfish when she points behind him to see the biggest shark that’s in the Aquarium.

Likewise, Five has his entire face pressed up into the glass. You can imagine what happens from there, particularly the idea that his child impulses override his logic and two hours in, he’s standing on Luther’s shoulders and explaining to his family all about stingrays

[luvie-42]

Loki laufeyson x Y/N Time of love

alr New fanfic series! kinda nervous bc idk what to do- BUT ILL TRY MY BEST LITTLE ONES!!! listening to my hype playlist aint helping im abt to dance

WARNINGS: mentions of abuse, cursing, strict parents, knife/dagger. if you dont enjoy or feel comfortable with these topics you're free to leave!

-You were a simple 29yo woman with abusive parents. You had no other place to stay, and your best friend had strict parents. They don't allow anyone else but family members in their house. You were in a miserable life, but your friend supported you all the way. Today those sorry excuses of parents let you go to the busy street where it looked so beautiful. Can't believe they let you out the house with booty shorts and a oversized hoodie and headphones

(this but it was night time)

-Just now getting out of a place you see everyone freaking out suddenly. "What the hell could be going on?" whispering to yourself. You saw this gut in gold, green and black holding some staff with a bright blue light at the end of it. To be honest, he was kinda cute. He starts to introduce himself. You thought this guy was just doing the most, until he shouts. "KNEEL". Every person starts to kneel before the man, he did look dangerous and like he can do some serious damage to this part of the town. You jumped and stood there against the shop wall.

-He starts to look if everyone followed his order but his eyes are locked to yours. You wanted to run out of there and get to your house but you didn't budge. He makes everyone make a path to get to you. Your bag of food dropped out of your grasp, your eyes went wide, and you started shaking. He's in front of you. Staring at you. You expected worse like he would make you kneel but, he took off his helmet and put the staff against the wall

-"Hello there mortal." He says blandly looking up and down at your figure. You start noticing and wanting to cover your plush thighs but you feel like you can't move. He starts to speak but notices your red face looking somewhere else from his gaze. "I'm Loki, God of mischief and I am burdened with a glorious purpose" Did he really just say that? "O-Oh I'm Y/N" Stuttering because of his tall figure with his hands next to his mid section to show that he wont hurt you.

-Out of nowhere he makes a dagger appear and hands it to you. He smiles while you hesitantly take it from his cold hands. "Thank you.." "Don't think of me as a villain, I'm like you. Neglected." He sure did look like it. You thought this was a myth but you snapped out of your trance when some guy in the american flag colors appears behind ya'll. "Excuse me for a moment" Loki says giving a warm smile and wink.

-You were positively sure this was not the first meeting you guys would have. You grabbed your bag and ran back to your house. Opening the front door, your dad comes to the door to yell at you but then notices you're shocked and almost traumatized. "The fuck your scared for? We didn't beat you up THAT bad!" You don't give an answer, but the fact that you met a GOD. A LITERAL GOD. "Why aren't you ANSWERING MY QUESTION!?" Your dad yells before throwing a beer bottle at you. You then again snapped out of your trance and use the dagger that Loki gave you

-You crashed the glass bottle to the floor and your mother then came to the scene to find a shocked father and a scared but still shocked daughter. "What the actual FUCK is happening?!" You were gonna say something but your father just had to cut you off. "YOUR STUPID LITTLE GIRL JUST CRASHED AND SPILLED A FRESH BEER BOTTLE TO THE FLOOR" You looked at him with disbelief. "You threw it at me! What was i supposed to do?!" "LET IT HIT YOU BITCH! WHY DO YOU HAVE A DAGGER TOO?!" Your mom just stood there but then heard you had a dagger, she never raised you like that but then again she abused you from 4 years old.

-"What is wrong with you Y/N?!" That. Was. The. LAST. Straw. "Y'know what? I'm DONE! IM 29 YEARS OLD, A FUCKING ADULT. YOU WONT LET ME LIVE MY LIFE, YOU WONT LET ME HANG WITH THE ONLY FRIEND THAT ACTUALLY FEELS LIKE FAMILY, AND THE FACT YOU GET MAD OVER THE SMALLEST THINGS!! I MET A GOD WHO'S FIGHTING A SUPERHERO, AND THE AMOUNT OF TIMES YOU BEAT ME UP!" The parents look flabbergasted at the sudden outburst of their daughter "Do you know who your talking to little girl!?" your mother who had the audacity to blurt. "YEAH THE BITCH WHO CANT TAKE PROPER CARE OF THEIR DAUGHTER!" You said before leaving once more to your room to pack up and leave this retched household. -I wonder if i'll meet him again...- (- - mean thoughts)

GAWD DAUYM AM I TIRED. sometimes on july i just cant sleep and it happened last july so thats why this took so long but I TRIED MY BEST LITTLE ONES (why does little one remind me of thanos???)

[ase-trollplays]

When We Were Kids (Part Two)

There, d'y'all feel better now that yer big strong moirail's gotcha in her arms-- Er, arm. Fuckin' hell, this is gon' take forever ta get used ta.

...yeah... i feel a little better... ...what about you though?... ...i know it hurt to adjust yourself...

Yeh, but it ain't nothin' I couldn't handle. Y'all just heard what I been through, an' that was when I was a wriggler. I'm built warship tough.

...hehehe... s-sure you are...

Are y'all laughin' at yer moirail? Ya don't believe I'm tough as they come?

...its a little hard to believe when a few pokes can take you out...

Yeh, well I ain't gon' be this sore ferever. Matter a fact, I think I'm already on the mend.

...s-so you can s-suplex dantli through the floor when he gets back?...

Gimme another night'r two an' I'll be judo flippin' him out a window. I'll do it with one arm.

...just clean up the glass afterwards... ...i dont want mom or any of us getting cut on it...

Yeh, yeh, I know. ... So, since we're sharin' wrigglerhood stories, I'd love ta hear what yer growin' sweeps were like.

...compared to what you told me... my childhood was completely wonderful... ...i cant complain about anything...

This ain't a game a trauma poker where we gotta one-up who grew up worse. No one with a perfect childhood grows up ta be a depressed adult who hates everythin' about herself. Y'ain't gotta tell me shit if ya don't wanna. I know yer not the kinda person who likes talkin' about herself.

...no... no... its fine... ...you told me everything about yourself... s-so its only fair i tell you what growing up was like for me too...

...i was always s-small and not very s-strong... ...im pretty s-sure i was a runt when i was a grub... and i wasnt much better after i pupated... ...i dont remember the trials... but what i do remember is being completely terrified... ...i probably just barely made it out...

...i was s-so s-scared of other people... ...it didnt even matter what caste... ...lower castes could kill me with their psionics... and higher castes are just plain s-stronger than me... and s-some like purples and cobalts have psychic powers... ...on top of that... if one of them killed me it would be justified because im lower on the s-spectrum than them...

...mom went with me everywhere when i left my hive... ...s-she was s-scared for my s-safety because i would be s-so easy to kill... ...s-she always told me to run if i got into trouble because im too weak to put up a fight... ...in hindsight... s-she s-shouldnt have been s-so coddling... ...it only hurt me in the end... but its not her fault... ...s-she was s-scared just like i was... and s-she wanted me to be s-safe more than anything... ...s-she just did what s-she thought was best...

Sounds like ya coulda used a lusus like my pa. He's a hardass who don't coddle'r or baby anyone. My first fights growin' up were with him cuz he didn't want me ta grow up weak an' defenseless. Bein' the lowest a the low castes, I couldn't afford not ta be if I wanted ta survive.

Ah fuck, sorry, I didn't mean ta interrupt.

...your fine... dont worry...

...anyways... when i was three s-sweeps old... i met s-sonja... ...he tried to... ...he tried to kill himself jumping off the cliff my hive's built into... but it wasnt high enough for the impact to kill him... ...he got injured very badly... and he managed to find the hatch leading into the maze and climbed in...

...i dont know how long he was there before i found him that night... but when i s-saw him... i was pale at first s-sight... ...at least... i thought i was... ...looking back on it... it was just s-strong platonic pity...

...he was a mess... hes only a s-sweep older than me... but he was s-suffering s-so much... ...his personality was s-splitting... and it ruined the few friendships he had... ...he was having trouble coping with basically becoming two different people... and having to go through it all alone... s-so he tried to end it... ...when he s-saw me... he demanded i finish the job and kill him... ...he s-said i had to do it because hes a highblood... s-so i have to do whatever he s-says...

...obviously i refused... but i s-stayed with him and talked to him until he calmed down... ...after that... i s-started taking care of him... ...it felt like my responsibility s-since he didnt have anyone else other than his lusus... and im s-supposed to always help highbloods because im just a midblood...

...once he was healed... he insisted that we were meant to be together... and it was no accident that we found each other... ...our meeting was pure fate... just like moirails are meant to be 'fated allies'... ...i admitted that i wanted to keep him company and keep helping him s-since he was all alone... and i was afraid that he would try to kill himself again if i left... ...s-so we agreed to be moirails...

...he was incredibly doting and s-sweet... ...both halves of him were... ...he went out of his way to s-spoil me and protect me... and i was s-someone he could confide in and trust and rely on for s-support... ...honestly... if i didn't have his protection growing up... i dont think i would have s-survived to adulthood... ...at his insistence... i never went anywhere without him just in case things went wrong... and he s-saved me a lot...

...we were happy... but we were terrible for each other in reality... ...just like my lusus... he reinforced that im helpless and weak and fragile... s-so i didnt learn how to defend myself much and become more independent... ...at the s-same time... i was too coddling of him and never reinforced boundaries... s-so he got used to always being my priority and having all of my attention at a moment's notice... ...we were only four and three s-sweeps and too immature to be in a relationship... but we didnt know that at the time... and we both ended up worse for it...

...i internalized that i cant do anything on my own... and i felt even worse about being s-such a 'bad' troll and the complete opposite of how were taught to be... ...i felt worthless... but helping s-sonja gave me a purpose and made me feel like i was doing s-something important... ...which turned into the depression i have now... ...im not s-sure he even noticed how i felt...

Prolly cuz he was so damn obsessed with himself and his own feelin's that he wasn't payin' attention ta yers, cuz that's the kinda impression I'm gettin' a this guy.

...yeah... i know that now... but back then i just s-shrugged it off...

...once we were about eight and nine s-sweeps... he s-started depending on me a little bit less... and i was finally able to make my own friends outside of him...

Wait, y'all didn't have no friends that whole time?? Fer five sweeps!? He hogged all a yer attention fer that long!!? An' that didn't set off red flags??

...like i s-said... i didnt know any better... ...i thought that was just part of being s-someones moirail... ...even once i s-started making my own friends... he had to be my priority at all times... and i accepted that because that had been my normal for s-so long... s-so it didnt s-seem problematic...

...it didnt become a problem until i met dantli... and we s-started to become flushed... ...now i had s-someone else that was a priority in my life... and i couldnt always drop everything to run to s-sonja whenever he called anymore... ...i wouldnt s-say he was livid... but he didnt take having to s-share me well at all... ...he would get incredibly jealous... which made him clingier and more demanding... which in turn made dantli upset... and he would get jealous and clingy too...

...i was constantly caught in the middle of them... which only made my anxiety and depression worse... ...it finally came to a head when i was badly injured when i was nine... and they both insisted on taking care of me... ...they were constantly at each others throats and competing with each other over who was the better caretaker... ...eventually enough was enough... and i had to make a choice...

...at this point... id been telling s-sonja for at least half a s-sweep that his overdependence on me was making me uncomfortable... ...after developing healthy friendships with other people and s-seeing how a good relationship is s-supposed to work... i realized what i had with him was deeply unhealthy... ...however... he kept making excuses and trying to justify his behavior... s-sometimes even going s-so far as to s-say his life wouldnt mean anything if i wasnt in it... and that s-scared me... ...but i just couldnt do it anymore... s-so i broke up with him...

Surprised he didn't do somethin' stupid like kidnappin' ya or tryin' ta kill Dan an' gettin' squashed fer his troubles. Seems like the type that ain't gon' take bein' dumped with dignity, 'specially if he was attached ta y'all at the goddamn hip like he was.

...i actually got lucky... ...we had a mutual friend who was vacillating flush and pale for him... ...after i broke up with him... he went straight to her...

Hmph. Sounds like she was plannin' on bein' a li'l hivewrecker. She saw things was goin' sour an' was just bidin' her time 'til y'all broke up so she could swoop in an' take him fer herself.

...i dont think it was like that... but i was just relieved he had s-someone who would be able to keep an eye on him...

An' yet he's still bummin' around ya. Why're ya even givin' him the time a night still after he spent yer whole childhood abusin' ya?

...its complicated... ...and he wasnt abusing me... ...we were just two kids who didnt know what we were doing and ended up hurting each other...

He manipulated ya, kept ya isolated fer sweeps, constantly put ya down an' made ya feel helpless an' worthless, an' then threatened ta off himself if ya didn't stay. He. Abused. You. Y'ain't gotta make excuses fer him. He's an abuser.

...kamava s-said the s-same thing...

Exactly. So why're ya still entertainin' him? 'Specially after he was stalkin' ya last sweep?

...that was the other one... ...the one ive been s-seeing is more mature and rational... and he goes out of his way to never hurt or be a threat to me... ...he always makes s-sure i have complete control and make the final decisions...

Uh huh. An' y'all believe him?

...yes... ...i cant trust the other half of him... and i know he s-still hates me for leaving him... but the good half of him is completely trustworthy and reliable...

I'll believe it when I see it. I'd say I don't trust him far as I can throw him, but seein' as he's a shrimp, I bet I could chuck him pretty dang far. If he starts givin' ya trouble again--

...no... corali... ...youve done enough trying to hurt people on my behalf...

Yeah, but he ain't fleet, so I ain't in any danger. ... He ain't fleet, right?

...no... but that doesnt matter... ...i dont want you... or danny... or anyone else getting involved... ...just trust me...

I do trust y'all. it's him I don't trust. Ya sure ya can handle him if he decides ta fuck around? Y'ain't immune ta mental bullshit like I am. If he decides ta voodoo yer brain, can ya defend yerself?

...

That silence ain't assurin'. I ain't telling ya ta never ever see him again if yer sure about this. Just. If shit goes sideways, let one a us know the second it does.

... ...okay...

Ya promise?

...i promise...

Good. I love ya. <>

...i love you too... <>

[marcholasmoth]

OSRR: 3443

today has been fuckin ROUGH, my dudes.

i woke up this morning and almost immediately got overwhelmed by stuff. car accident stuff, medical bill stuff, cleaning stuff, putting stuff away, money stuff, literally anything that i had to think about or possibly find i was immediately stressed about. my broken glasses, an unpaid insurance claim, unpaid medical bills that i didn't know where to send, phone calls, breakfast, missing paperwork. literally i sat up in bed with my head in my hands for a solid ten minutes because i couldn't handle looking at my disaster of a room. it just made everything worse.

the anxiety and stress followed me most of the day. it still lingers, even now.

i didn't feel confident enough in myself to be an adult today. in fact, today was one of those days when i wanted to sit with my plushies and rock back and forth all day and be tucked into bed. it felt like i was five. it happens a lot, actually, and it's very frustrating because it happens at the worst possible moments.

i had to push through it. as mom looked for some of my paperwork, she also picked up some of the things in my room that didn't need to be there. it made it a little more manageable. i could at least look at it.

mom and i sat down and looked at paperwork after collecting a bunch. we looked through insurance things for my car accident. i went through and checked things off. i had questions so i wrote them down. i filled out forms and called my claims agent and left a message. when she didn't pick up, mom and i went to the bank to get things notarized. with that done, we got starbucks and lunch and my agent called back just as i was putting my stuff down after coming back. i asked my questions and got some answers. so that was good.

i also got a notification that my ebay package was delivered - the one with my new glasses frames in it. i ran out to grab the mail and i took the box and my purse and went to get my lenses changed into the new frames. i had to wait a bit, and while i waited i realized i was so excited to get my new frames that i'd left my phone on the table at home.

good news is the frames are perfect.

i was able to hit up walmart after for a few things i needed, like my medication refills, some body wash, and a new supply of period supplies, but i also got more decorations for the office for valentine's day and laundry baskets for me and joel. they're a distinct color so no one should fuck it up.

also i scheduled an appointment to get my hair done later this month. mom and i talked about it and she said she was willing to pay for it for me, still. she mentioned it's something i do for my mental health, and she's right. it's been a long time since i last got my hair done, so i'm happy about being able to do it again.

after returning home after all of that, i was tired. mom and i went upstairs and played one of the new games i got for christmas and it was a lot of fun to play. i'll bring it over to play with joel, although a lot of people don't like the same kind of games i do. it kind of makes me sad because people don't like the puzzle games i like so i don't have people to play them with. sure i don't have a lot of time anyway, but id still like to play. i miss playing. so much of my life is just work and sleep and drive and i don't ever really get to just play. i keep plushies with me because i want the comfort of having them with me because i don't have time to dedicate to having them with me. so i just keep them with me. it's. it's frustrating. and it makes me sad.

but yeah not much happened besides a ton of things that needed to be cleared up for my mental health.

next up is cutting my nails. i'm so tired. i'm exhausted and im hungry and im tired and i need a vacation desperately. and probably a new job. it's taxing. i love my job. i love my coworkers. but what i have to do to go to work daily is unsustainable. i've really worked there for six months. i am very fucking close to burning out.

i need to talk to christine. too many things have happened.

also i'd like a joel hug. he gives good hugs and encourages me to only worry about the things i can control. he helps me put things into perspective.

i hope he likes the laundry baskets.