#is smth i'll never understand
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did i just see someone hc South Korea to be the child of North Korea and America post-WWII
#why this fandom has a particular obsession with making alfred the (good) dad of his colonial and imperial possessions (like liberia)#is smth i'll never understand#hws america#hws north korea#// disk horse#hetalia#hws south korea#LIKE THERE'S SO MUCH I COULD WRITE ABOUT THIS HOW IT PLAYS INTO NARRATIVES OF WHITE SAVIORISM AND THE IMAGERY OF AMERICA NEEDING TO “GUIDE”#THE “YOUNGER” “LESSER” NATIONS OF THE WORLD WHO ARE SO OFTEN CONVENIENTLY POC HMMMM AND BASICALLY DOES A MISS SAIGON RETELLING AS WELL#THE BELIEF THAT TODAYS SK HAS NO HISTORY OR CULTURE W/O THAT AMERICAN INTERVENTION AND OTHER COUNTRIES ARE ALLOWED TO MODERNIZE AND REMAIN#LIKE IT'S NOT CUTE?? ITS NOT ADORABLE OR FLUFFY THAT IS LITERALLY PRO-AMERICAN IMPERIALIST PROPGANDA#also nk being a shitty mom who's paranoid of sk replacing her is 1) the demonization of asian moms as irrational and inhumane and in need#of white intervention and 2) justification of the usa's shitty alienation of nk as a pariah state#he's a different oriental but edward said is rolling in his grave rn
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So. I love this. The way Yuri snickers at Flynn showing his real self. The way he, without hesitation, says "yeah" to the idea that he would die in Flynn's place.
But the most important part of this entire thing, which was changed in the dub, is how Yuri specifically jokes that Flynn is trying to abandon him, and Flynn returns and tells Don he had no intention of abandoning Yuri.
Yuri does not hear this. Flynn knows that. But Flynn uses the exact same term Yuri used earlier, as if it's his answer to Yuri and saying no, I would never abandon you.
For reference:
Personally I just... love the weight of it. How Flynn will say something about Yuri that Yuri won't hear, but he still speaks it out into existence because it's how he really feels.
Just because Yuri won't hear it doesn't mean he won't say it, and in a way that's even more powerful. He's not looking for the credit of saying it. He's not looking to be recognized for saying it. He's not only expressing how he feels about Yuri somewhere that Yuri himself will hear him.
They're just his real, honest feelings, and he'll admit them even if Yuri's not within earshot.
#GTF Vesperia Clips#Fluri#classic Vesperia dub trying to hide all the more detailed intimacy between them tbh#y'all are gonna see it even more when I get around to post the huge posts I'm doing#going through the entire game with the changes they made#and how HEAVILY most of the drastic changes pertain to Flynn and their relationship#like. there's really no reason to change these matching scenes in the dub unless they're doing it on purpose#meanwhile they're the sweetest thing in the original and I'll never get over these scenes being matching scenes#also bc like. this is so important for their dynamic going forward into arc 2#also partly why I truly believe they'd choose each other over the world in specific contexts#but that's a story for another time LOL. for now just know Flynn has gone on record#to say he would never abandon Yuri right to Don Whitehorse's face#anyway you ever get that feeling of like. when you find out from a friend that#someone said smth nice abt you? but you didn't know they said it?#like you KNOW they're saying nice/good things abt you to other ppl now? that's the vibe I get from this#that he's not just saying it to Yuri's face. he says the important things /to others/ as well#he's not trying to score extra brownie points by using sweet words where he knows Yuri will hear him#to me that's the most honest form of affection. saying your feelings out loud where they won't hear you#Flynn also proved himself before saying it as if the idea was to show not just tell#I think Yuri understands when not joking that Flynn wouldn't abandon him#but Flynn is making sure that not just Yuri knows through his actions but that others know it too#and ultimately Yuri doesn't need to hear it. he can believe it because he can see it#Yuri doesn't need to hear it bc he understands Flynn's feelings without needing to hear it
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trying to finish reading dungeon meshi now that it's done and just seeing everyone in the comments talking about ships. gun to my head
#ofc anytime someone says they ship smth straight someone has to be like 'ermmmm labru and farcille are better' like. not to me.... sorry#i actually do like farcille but people are so annoying about it acting like it's 'essentially canon' that it puts me off.#tbf that why i dislike a lottttt of ships LMAO not that i'm in the habit of caring abt it too much in most media#but sometimes it just really annoys me liiike laios and marcille have just as much ship tease as farcille (if not more)#but they couldn't get naked and go in the bath together so it doesn't count ig#tbf i'm not even huge on any ships except maybe fleki and lycion. i love when two equally weird ppl love each other#also like. they already had someone in the story who was head over heels for falin and i'm pretty sure shuro and marcille act nothing alike#when it comes to her. so. eh. i mean yadda yadda subtext or whatever i guess lol but if it can just as easily read as not romantic then#i kinda find it hard to care honestly. which is why i don't really ship anything from it. which brings me back to my original point#why is that basically all people talk about when it comes to anything... it should be a garnish not the whole god damn dish#and there's soooooo much in dungeon meshi that's more interesting than romance which is basically never once a priority#anyways. i'm just being an asshole and a hater as usual so go about your business and do what you want. i'll just be mad about it alone#labru is so nothing burger though i will never understand...
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#RIP to the legacy post editor. you will be missed. while queueing this post and the last one it's removed the option for me to switch to the#old one and is making me use the new one. which is like not bad. it's not a bad editor. i just don't like change as most tumblr users don't#it also just appends the post you make directly to the top of the currently-displayed posts behind it even if it's not meant to go there#which is a little bit scary when i'm on the queue page and i click “add to queue” for a post that's supposed to go up on august 18th#to see it immediately appear above mega metagross. the legacy post editor didn't do that. it made you refresh the page if you wanted to see#your own new post on the dashboard. which i think was better!! honestly!! i've never Made a post using the new editor to see how it behaves#only ever queued up FFP using this thang. but that's also bc i feel like i don't post very much. i need smth Interesting to say when i post#on my main blog i mean. i don't make extraneous posts on here (usually) unless i'm answering an ask or something. which. still have yet to#miss one to this day. going strong#bibarel#can you tell idk what to say about this guy. what are they‚ water-type? big chance i'm fucking wrong and they're just pure normal#OKAY i was right. normal/water. semi-interesting typing and i get why they're a water-type. but. i never use. bibarel. even as a kid who#didn't understand or care about competitive. i knew bibarel was not very strong. it's a route 1 normal-type fucker. and maybe it's like#better than i think or something but tbqh it's a sinnoh 'mon and i already have another sinnoh water-type that has my heart. buizel#so bibarel was not so much in the cards for me. bro i should do like. a mono-type run of a pokémon game one day. that would be fu#do folks do that? is that a challenge run that actually exists? nuzlockes exist so i don't see why not. okay i'm doing it. my next replay o#any pokémon game is hereby decreed to be a water-type mono-type run. i may or may not liveblog it on my main blog#and it may or may not be nuzlocke. we shall see#hell maybe i'll stream it. maybe that could be fun. i don't know of *anyone* who would be interested in that but it tends to help me#actually go about completing games when i have someone there like. waiting for me to do so
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wu ninjago... I love you...
#wu antis I don't want yr input sorry this is a post of love for this man.#he's just such a guy I'll never understand the hate for him#like wow he fucked up a few times. shocker#everyone fucks up in this show man. everyone.#idk why you guys have to hate wu of all people though#esp when ppl act like he's worse than garmadon#like ah yes. the guy who fucked up and made mistakes is worse than the guy whose done evil shit for like. 4 of 17 installments in this show#I mean. it feels like most of the wu hate I've seen has to do with people acting like he 'mistreated and fucked up kai' or smth which is#LIKE YEAH he was an asshole to kai in the pilots and s1 but ALSO#like ab the green ninja thing#wu probably didn't WANT kai to be the green ninja because kai had that same ambition and yearning that morro had#he struck down any and all hopes kai had because that same ambition and anger and whatnot lead to the death of morro#ninjago#raine's rambles#sorry i turned the tags into an essay I'm just SOO sick of seeing people say shit like 'x character did this thing probably bc of wu' and#like... UGH
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made an update to my rules regarding activity & unfollowing. tl;dr is if we've been mutuals for multiple months and nothing is still happening at all (plotting finished, memes sent in or replied to, etc.) despite attempts on my end to get them going, i'll likely unfollow, but if you come back with active interest and reach out and/or refollow me again i'll likely refollow too!
#ooc.#psa.#bc at a certain point it just feels like#do you even wanna write with me?#so what's the point#i will never hardblock for this reason tho bc it's not personal & i'm open to writing in the future#also i'll only refollow so many times#the point of it would be to actually do smth that time so#+ this all doesn't apply if i haven't made an active effort yet!#cause that wouldn't be fair#but yeah. i'm all for patience & understanding#but i don't owe infinite patience when it's going for MONTHS and i've been actively trying to no avail#esp for someone otherwise around so it's not like they CAN'T be active
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it's funny how you always remember the little things people do for you even though you know they've definitely forgotten about them a long time ago
#sometimes i see stuff related to girl meets world and i remember this dude i was friends with#bc back in 2016-2017 my life was a whole mess#and even though i definitely wasn't the target demographic for gmw it was my comfort tv show at the time#so i was pretty upset when it ended#and i remember saying smth about it when i was getting ready to watch the finale#and this dude for absolutely no reason was like ''send me the link i'll watch it with you for moral support''#mind you he knew nothing about the show except for a few things i had mentioned in previous conversations#but he still watched the whole episode with me and tried to understand it#and it was probably such an insignificant thing for him but to me it meant the world at the time#(a few months later our friendship crashed and burned and it took me literal years to get over it but that's not the point rn)#anyway. i wonder if i've ever had that kinda impact on someone's life#like. doing a small thing that i don't remember but the other person will never forget#it's smth interesting about human interactions#🌙.txt
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Doing the laundry. Realising there's something deeply and inherently wrong with me. Shrugging and continuing to dig around for the Perfect Clothespin. Something something adulting
#it's like. the amount of people who have called me cruel or implied i am cruel throughout my life#multiple people across many years and all agreeing on the fact that i'm cruel#i do my best to be kind and nice and i'm like certain i have empathy#but sometimes i'll say something so. normal? and instantly get called cruel#and not that i believe there's smth inherently wrong with me bc of that#but because i just. cannot understand /how/ or /why/ i'm supposedly cruel#like ''oh you'd date someone you don't like romantically? that's cruel'' i don't understand how?#granted i now know i was referring to a qpr like connection but i still don't get it because i did say if i like a person enough i don't#have to like them romantically to date them. and i don't understand how that's cruel#and all of my ideas on interpersonal relationships. in kindergarden i get called cruel by an auntie because i said i don't value#friendships to an idealistic and unrealistic degree and years later i get called cruel because i say i don't mind#not talking to someone if her friend is jealous and she gave her an ultimatum. i still don't get how i was cruel in trying to compromise#and literally seeing that i don't even matter as much to the girl in question like i'm doing you a favour here you got an ULTIMATUM#but whatever. i don't know. i don't get it at all#maybe i just have a problem of never seeing my own faults. but it's not that i'm ignoring it#it's like. i don't /understand/ at all????
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I may be a pretentious vegan with an eating disorder but if I see one more person making dessert out of avocado I will scream
#I just got an AD. that was a 'healthy fudge recipe' made from AVOCADOS and chocolate protein powder. like you cannot tell me that will+#taste even a little bit okay. and the texture?????#inclusion of a vegetable also doesn't make smth automatically healthy I'll never understand that#if you wanna say low calorie#high protein whatever then just say that#but those things don't always equal healthy
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sat here after weeks, months even, of devotionposting on zoro's blog, rotating satoshi... make no mistake, just coz satoshi knows more languages than just violence & is far more universally affectionate by no means means that satoshi isn't just as Very Normal about those he cares about. his limits & morals aren't as hard-set as he likes to believe. they'll snap like twigs on behalf of those he loves. satoshi has no object permanence with people & forgets to talk to them on a frequent basis, but if they're next to him he will want nothing more than to glue himself to their side so he doesn't even have to consider that they may want to be around him less than he does them. keeps himself busy with his passions to stave away the clawing Need to be around others, to be with friends. as much needs to disappear into the millionth adventure as stitch himself to a friend in assurance they will not abandon him. is always the first to leave if he can help it, because then he cannot be left. & it's hypocritical & a little cruel & he's always so sure his friends Get It, where seeing familiar hurt reflected at him only serves to confuse him, because it so rarely occurs to him that his presence is missed.
#do you even get it#theres also. smth smth how satoshi understands friendships as forming From violence???#like he's not love as violence but. he is Friendship as violence. coz the way hes made majority of his oldest friends is Through violence#whether mutual bullying or through fighting or battling...... there has to be a push n pull for satoshi to be invested#as much as he preaches love & peace on planet earth n all that........ he can never properly connect with people that are Too amicable#if he cant argue with someone if they dont push his buttons..... that's an acquaintance at most#''i'd be appalled if i saw you ever try to be a saint; i wouldn't fall for someone i thought couldn't misbehave'' ykno???#saccharine saturday nears n thus edward must be Real normal bout love <3#also just. yeah. zoro brain </3#ooc. pkmn is autistic culture.#study.#yeah i'll tag that
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im so fucking tired.
i just released my latest MRI records (which i sent to my pain clinic a long time ago...) for personal use and found out that i have 2 bulging disks in my neck and may have "Cervical Disk Disorder With Radiculopathy" (i don't understand what "Clinical Indications" is referring to here. is it the diagnosis? its certainly not the reason i was referred to get an MRI, at least not ot my knowledge).
the MRI of my neck was done NOV. 7 and i IMMEDIATELY released the records to the pain clinic ive been going to. this entire time i never received a phone call from SHIELDS or my pain clinic. i went to the clinic on Nov. 16th for radiofrequency ablation for pain at end ends of my hardware and asked the doctor abt the MRI then. he said they never received anything. went back for the second radiofrequency ablation treatment on Nov. 30th and they didn't say shit, then the nurse tried to tell me that my treatment was OVER, and that they dont expect to see me again except to check on my recovery on JAN 14. i said no? i still have several other issues w my back and neck??? and rescheduled the visit to be asap (the 4th).
i called the clinic yesterday asking abt the MRI and that nurse said they've had the records for weeks now, but it seems no one's bothered to look at them. so when were any of yall planning to let me know i have two bulging disks in my neck and possibly/definitely pinched nerve/s????
im the one who had to push for an MRI in the first place since my pain doctor didn't even feel like giving me one, and now he can't even be assed to fucking read the report. i hate doctors so much. i literally spoonfeed them the information they need to treat my pain and fight for the most basic care and they STILL refuse to take me seriously. they can't even be bothered to READ. or be honest, apparently. throwback to 6 YEARS ago when i told my surgeon abt all the symptoms im currently having at 100x the severity they were at then, and all he said was "well you shouldn't" and sent me to PT.
btw i have a thoracic-lumbar spinal fusion, fibromyalgia, and constant muscle spasms, not to mention hip pain (probably from my unevem hips due to scoliosis, which the fusion was not able to totally correct) and all they have me on is 20mg duloxetine and tizanidine. im a dropout and ive been out of work for 6 months and in agony for way longer and im so tired of living like this
#im going to see a neurologist next#and ofc at the next pain clinic appointment im gonna ask them wtf is going ON.#and also demand either a higher duloxetine dosage or smth else bc this is nothing#i also dont like tizanidine... my primary pur me on it but im demanding smth else#why does it always have to reach the point of demanding tho#how do these ppl just not gaf i'll never understand#none of this was proofread btw lol#thankfully my aunt who knows a little abt medicine will come w me to the clinic this time. since no one else in my family believes me#let alone stands up for me#idek what to tag this as#ig i just want sympathy since i apparently cant count on anyone for help#chronic pain#chronic back pain#chronic neck pain#spinal fusion#spasms#muscle spasms#pain help#fibromyalgia#fibro things#chronic pain tag#bluging disk#cervical disk disorder#scoliosis#chronic shoulder pain
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sorry for rambling so much about milgram btw my thoughts are often a mess and i think too much about it but i am good now i think <3
#⋯ ꒰ა starry thoughts ໒꒱ *·˚#⋯ ꒰ა milgram ໒꒱ *·˚#i finally properly get fuuta's character i think teehee. after a lot of thinking and thinking and thinking#it hurts my head a bit ngl (figuratively) bcs ejghbghjag i try to look at it at all sides and whoops i end up getting confused w#what is the truth and what are my actual beliefs/feelings/thoughts a bit! </3 but my head is clearer now (hooray!)#anyway yeah fuuta innocent. guilty -> innocent -> innocent imo!! can't say totally for sure tho w the 3rd but i think he shld be forgiven#i feel a bit ehgbah for my thoughts being so messy before (also scared someone will misunderstand me) but i think yeah i was looking#at it already in the 2nd trial perspective. how to explain. but yeah blah blah blah yeah!#i think he's a good guy at heart fr but he. yeah. and i think there's smth to do with the 'pressure' and all with that#he needs to hold himself accountable for his actions even if it may be true that yk. he isn't the only one and it's rather sad he's the#only one who got all the blame so i get why he's acting that way even though ofc it isn't okay in the end. dude needs to admit and all#and he's getting uhh better! i want to talk more oops but it's almost 2 pm holy shit. i'll probably put my coherent thoughts in my notes#instead. but yeah. tbh i'm not sure if i can really say he always felt somewhat guilty/regret ever since the start#bcs it's he may just first feared the consequences but then again he never expected it to escalate to death (tho even if the#outcome turned out to not be that bad. cyberbullying is never okay!!! bullying is never okay!!!!!) but he's the character#who puts up a front of sorts and as someone who often likes characters like that. it's possible i'm misinterpretating him but#personally that's how i see it ^___^ but dude yeah guilty first trial fr so he can be more yk to really loosen up and admit it n all#or at least. take a step closer to doing so. yeah!!! okay i think i've properly cleared my head now#i just hope no one like. misunderstands me from my many rambles WABHBJHBG#oh i actually really relate and understand fuuta actually. yeah. NOTHING AS BAD AS HIM i mean that genuinely but yeah#he's starting to accept that his actions bring heavy consequences and he's showing a lot of guilt and regret. still a tough front tho#aghhhh i really hope he gets voted innocent this time around for real. he's a good guy at heart and i do think he always knew#he was guilty. and etc etc etc i stop rambling now zzz love fuuta fr tho his character means a lot to me actually#actually idk there's still a lot to his character i feel. it's either from his perception still or yk. does he actually feel guilt?#but yeah imo he does. and i'd like to believe that too also bcs i get his character but i ofc can't still tell for sure!#blame shifting may still be a problem. he feels regretful for sure i believe but for what reason is a question still#tbh judging fuuta here is (for me) like judging me from a bit into the past so sorry if i'm really fired up about this.#i get he's just a fictional character but i really want to do this 'right' (but what is right tbh?)#in any case even with all the complications i think he's improving. sort of. and guilty is concerning for him if he YEAH. so innocent.#oops too much tags but i get it now <3 !! also btw i've never bullied/cyberbullied anyone just to be clear :] just to be clear
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#pro and con of being a certain brand of aroace is i'll never get bitching against some well-written character(s) bc theyre not my type or bc#they did smth i wouldnt. esp when it's smth that hugely fuels the narrative anyway#theres also a thin line between criticizing fictional dynamics and insinuating bad things abt real ones#in the sense that sometimes ive seen ppl bitter abt the lis that dont have a linear friends-to-lovers arc and like...#going on abt how it wouldnt make sense or is less right lmao. no it isnt. i love n prefer friends to lovers but it#is not inherently superior. stop being pearlclutchers addicted to publically declaring things abt characters/ppl you otherwise ofc dont#read or think about enough to understand the significance of their actions lmao#so yeah im focused on raf & mc but this isnt solely abt them im just aaaa#lmao. i need to stop looking much at more than like. probably a grand total of 2 other chill fans' content#maybe a few more if i dont look much. unpredictable minefield out here
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literally any romance trope is made better with monsters but unrequited romance specifically... gets me
#unrequited love usually annoys me because the hints the author lays out are either too obvious or not explained away in a realistic way#which makes me think the mc is an idiot and thus i begin to hate them#but like. i love monster biology. i love making up monster behavioral traits and culture and like. mating rituals#and if your friend is a spooky little guy and he's acting weird around you it's kind of like... he's always weird? he'a a monster#specifically i like it when monsters have like. mildly weird fetishes. like for collarbones or smells or whatever#so like if spooky daniel excuses himself from the room when i come in from my morning run i'm not gonna think#'oh he's totes jacking it to how sweaty i smell rn'#i'm thinking 'aw :( he's got a sensitive nose i forgot i must REEK to him rn'#and if i wear an over-the-shoulder top and he keeps glancing at my newly exposed area i'm not thinking#'oh he must instinctively see this as me baring my neck like a deer or perhaps a rabbit'#no!!! i'm either thinking 'lol prude' or 'well yeah i basically never wear this kind of shirt'#'it's like when you're trying not to stare at a woman's cleavage or smth'#or im not even noticing!!!#if some of my clothes disappear i'm not thinking 'ah yes for his nest of items which smell like me for his goon cave'#i'm either not noticing or assuming i misplaced them!!! a bitch is forgetful#if there is Mysterious Ooze i am simply not asking. i am looking away. unless it is actively Nasty i am simply Not Asking#if he's particularly excited when our plans get cancelled and we get to stay home im not thinking#'ah yes he's keeping me contained to my den just like the tasmanian devil' (look it up)#shit i'm excited too!!! i hate plans let's make macaroni and watch professional wrestling#if he suddenly hates all men in my life okay i'm concerned. what the fuck did they do. what the fuck did YOU do.#if he's just slightly pissier than usual then yeah i get that the guys at work suck ass#if he's giving me gifts i feel awkward about it but if it's just like a shiny rock that shit's going on the mantel#if it's food fuck it i'll fuck the guy myself#love monster cultures but i hate it when they make monsters assume their cultural way of expressing love is the norm#and then they're just like 'we're dating now and i will say NOTHING ELSE ABOUT IT'#like yeah have the guy express love through his culture but i think it's cuter#if he does it that way specifically so it goes unnoticed#like 'i can never be rejected if they don't know there's something to reject'#'i get to shower you with affection which you understand in some type of way AND i never have to face the mortifying idea of being alone'#monsterfucking
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okay i'm trying to catch up on casualty properly, (stopped watching in late 2019 to early 2020 and gotta catch up to roughly mid 2023), and i stopped watching since i was always working on a Saturday and not because i didn't like the show. i loved it and still do despite my numerous issues with it. and lbr it is so easy to see how far the show has dropped off. i'm watching s34 opener rn and how the production has fallen. like we don't get those big set pieces anymore and it has made the show so much weaker as a result.
#jess watches tv#bbc casualty#i know a lot of this has to do with post 2020 because then drastically changed the production quality of the continuous dramas#none do these big set pieces consistently anymore#and then it is so clear that they had a massive budget cut around the time robyn left#because what like four or five long standing members of the cast left around then#i'll probably come up with more issues as i get further into the show#and i understand why they have made the decision to do the 12 episode boxset but again it's made the show weaker as a result#and yes i'm aware that they only really did these massive set pieces such as the s34 opener as a series opener or closure#but it's just missing a lot of the field work for the paramedics and the seeing pre injury stuff#jess is coming back with her possibly controversial opinions and is once again ready to fight#but for once instead of fighting i just wanna talk and see if anyone else shares the same opinion#i wouldn't mind if the drop in massive set pieces put a focus on character development but i don't think it has#none of the new gang have really been that developed and they had so much promise and they're basically the same#as to what they were when they arrived#also if the new group of fans here wanna follow me i just gotta let you know - i do not care for dylan at all. i just don't and i never wil#but connie is the love of my life and i miss her dearly and ethan is missed as well#also if you read these tags of mine you deserve a medal or smth#don't ask me for one though because i don't have one
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I think so much, but when I need to think I can't stop and think. I'm so impulsive and I just can't learn to wait and think. hate myself.
#i talk#how tf do i stop that#why do my emotions always get the better of me#how tf do i learn not to be emotionally immature#i just can't understand#I mean#Most of the time I'm not like that#I am actually very mature in everyday shit that is happening#but then I see something or I just let my brain overthink for 2 minutes more and I become biggest child that you have seen in you life#and then I can't go back to track for a whole fucking day#I just wanna end me when that happens#then tmrw I'm normal again like nothing happend and I try to think how to avoid that happening again but there is no solution in my head#There is always a moment when I'll snap and say smth stupid and retarded#i'll always be alone bcs of this. i'll never be able to keep ppl around me. i'll always make them run#or i'll just disappear bcs I don't wanna be a burden to them#I was in the dark for far to long#shame on me#im just hoping that i'll prove to myself that im wrong and that i'll learn to be a normal human one day#scheduled post
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