#is it necessary for me to say that writing this post did make me cry?

[yikes-strikes-again]

watching moral orel and... man. shit got *real*. i mean, i can’t relate to religious trauma or being physically abused, but i know what it’s like to be a kid with parents who are really unhappy, and god, it’s just the worst. you want to help them so badly because you love them so much, you love them *so, so much,* but you’re just a kid and there isn’t a single thing, not a single thing you can do for them. so you just sit there and watch them cry. it’s torturous. now i’m tearing up over the clay people... except. it’s not really about the clay people, is it?

[unclewaynemunson]

@bigskyandthecoldgun made this very big-brained post about the perfect miscommunication potential of Eddie's heart monitor betraying his feelings for Steve while he's recovering. @mostrizzaward asked me to write it and how could I say no to that :D

The first time Steve sets foot in Eddie's hospital room is terrifying. Eddie is as pale as a dead man. He has dozens of wires attached to his body, that are connected to just as many machines and monitors displaying complicated graphs, all softly beeping at varying intervals. Everyone in the room talks in soft, grave voices and all the nurses and doctors have matching serious frowns on their faces.

But what seemed to be impossible happens on a dreary Wednesday afternoon in April: Eddie opens his eyes for the very first time since he passed out in Dustin's arms. Steve is at work when that happens, but rushes to the hospital as soon as he can, and suddenly Eddie's room seems a lot less terrifying than before. Because Eddie is grinning at him from his bed, even though he's still pale and weak. He's not only alive, he's awake. It's a goddamn miracle. His wide grin is familiar despite the big scar that has marred his cheek. Fuck, Steve doesn't think he'll ever be able to put into words how much he missed that smile.

Eddie rasps his name as a greeting and Steve comes closer to the bed. But then, something weird happens.

The machines around Eddie's bed are still beeping, but there's less of them now. The electronic symphony of noises has been reduced to a duet of two different beep patterns that are clearly distinguishable from each other. And one of them speeds up rapidly when Steve leans over the bed in an awkwardly angled attempt to give Eddie a hug.

“You okay?” Steve asks, worried. He wonders if he should call for a nurse.

“Yeah, man,” Eddie mumbles. His eyes flash towards the monitor in question for a second and a blush creeps over his white cheeks. He seems ill at ease; Steve can't quite put his finger on it but there's something weirdly awkward about the whole thing. He seems otherwise fine, though, so Steve decides no nurses will be necessary.

He clears his throat and takes a seat in the chair next to the bed. For a moment, he wonders why he's even here. They weren't exactly friends before all of this happened. It would be perfectly normal for Eddie not to want him around – and yet here he is, visiting him in the hospital like it's the most normal thing in the world. What is he even doing here?

But then, Eddie starts talking about how his uncle was with him when he woke up and gave him this book he's been wanting to buy for ages.

“He cried, Steve, I've never seen him cry in my life, but he was bawling, I'm not kidding!”

Despite his animated tone, Eddie's voice is still weak and his eyes keep falling shut even while he is talking. Steve knows that he shouldn't overstay his welcome and let Eddie rest, but he finds himself too captivated in how alive Eddie is, even though his whole presence – his loud voice, his broad arm gestures, his expressive face – seems a little bit toned down. So when Eddie tells him with a vague gesture to his nightstand that he tried to read his new book, but found himself too tired to focus properly, Steve finds himself proposing to read it to Eddie before he even realizes what he's doing.

And then the weird thing happens again. Eddie starts smiling at the exact same time the heart monitor accelerates.

Steve chooses to pretend like he doesn't notice. Instead, he takes the book from the nightstand and flips it open on the first page. He starts reading aloud, but he can't really keep his attention on the words that come out of his own mouth. He can't help but feel like he made a mistake. Is the heart monitor signaling to him that his presence is making Eddie uncomfortable? Shouldn't he have left Eddie alone to rest when he started getting tired? Why the hell did he ever think it'd be a good idea to read to him in the first place? He's never been a good reader, and certainly not a performer like Eddie. So he awkwardly stumbles his way through the words on the pages, in no way able to keep up with the complicated plot and no doubt failing spectacularly in the use of voices and appropriately ominous pauses and whatnot. Whenever he glances up from the pages, he finds Eddie leaning into his pillow with his eyes closed and a faint smile around his lips, only to find out he's lost track of where he was when he directs his attention back to the book in his hands.

It doesn't take long until Eddie's breathing becomes audibly deeper and evens out. Steve softly closes the book. He allows himself a few moments to do nothing but stare at Eddie's face and be grateful for the absence of a breathing tube between his lips, showing that he's only sleeping this time. Then, he gets up and tiptoes out of the room.

***

The weird thing with the heart monitor keeps happening every time Steve visits Eddie. It happens when he greets him, when he starts reading to him, and especially whenever he helps him adjust his position in the bed he's still chained to. Every time they touch, every time Steve gets close to him in any way, like clockwork. And every time, it's paired with some kind of physical reaction on Eddie's part: a blush on his cheeks, a somewhat forced chuckle, or sometimes even a badly concealed flinch, away from where Steve's hands are touching Eddie.

Steve pretends not to notice it, for Eddie's sake, but it can only happen so many times before he has to face the clear and obvious truth here: his presence is making Eddie extremely uncomfortable.

One part of it still doesn't make sense, though: Eddie actually asks him to read to him or to help him sit up or lie down again, and the next thing he knows, Eddie will suddenly be avoiding his gaze and that goddamn heart monitor will make it sound like Eddie is trying to break a sprint record instead of lounging in his bed, and he'll recoil from Steve's touch like he doesn't want his hands anywhere around him.

Steve muses over Eddie's odd behavior for days before he comes to the only logical conclusion: Eddie is actually repulsed by him and is too polite to tell him the truth. It's the only explanation that makes sense. It's just like what Steve realized so clearly that first time after Eddie woke up: they weren't friends before this, so why should they be now? Steve has no business being at his bedside all of a sudden, and Eddie doesn't have the heart to be mean to him and spell that out for him.

He can't even blame Eddie for it. For most of the time they've known each other, Steve was a major asshole, everybody knows that. Sure, they're twenty now and Steve has moved past high school stereotypes when he got close to Robin, but still... Those stereotypes made up everything about who they were, how they were perceived and who they interacted with for four whole years of their lives – six even, in Eddie's case. Eddie doesn't have any reason to want to let that go like Steve did.

He would never admit it to anyone, but the conclusion he reaches breaks Steve's heart: he should stay away from Eddie. Eddie has every right not to like having Steve around and Steve certainly doesn't want to add to his discomfort. He has been through enough, Steve wouldn't want to make this whole long and painful process of recovery even worse for Eddie by imposing his unwanted presence on him.

It doesn't matter that Steve has started to look forward to his hospital visits like they're the very best part of his week. It doesn't matter that Steve's heart starts racing for whole other reasons than Eddie's whenever they're close, whenever they're touching or whenever Eddie is smiling that beautiful smile of his. It doesn't matter that Steve wants nothing more than to keep reading to Eddie even though he still doesn't have a clue what that stupid book is about. None of it matters, because that's simply the price one has to pay for being an asshole and a bully in high school.

It doesn't matter, because there are way worse things than the guy you've developed feelings for secretly harboring a grudge against you. He still has Robin, he still has his little nerds, he even has Nancy back; as a friend, this time, which is honestly better than things ever were between them. He has the knowledge that Eddie survived and will be getting better with each passing day. Maybe he can start dating again, find a cute girl with blue eyes and blonde hair who doesn't remind him of the one person he can't be around, and it'll all be fine again. It doesn't matter.

Update: there's now a sequel post :D

[themotherofhorses]

you can pretend it's not meant to be (but you can't stay away from me)

summary: to you, he is fictional. but to him, you are everything and more. he can't live without you. and, really, there is no use in trying to run away, he'll always find you.

pairing: (somewhat) dark!aemond targaryen x fem!reader

warnings: explicit language. noncon to dubcon. abduction. massive obsessive tendencies on aemond's part. breeding kink. slight spitting kink. pregnancy.

note: hey this is me practicing writing smut because ive never ever done it before and i don't know jackshit like wtf is a dick hahaha im dreading posting this hahahasendhelpplshaha

masterlist | series masterlist

part two | part three | part four | part five

How did you end up here?

That was all you could ask yourself, over and over again.

It had only been hours ago, maybe, that you were sitting at home, rewatching the first season of House of the Dragon for what seemed to be the thousandth time. Perhaps you dozed off on the couch too, but that was it. You have heard of shifting techniques before- ways to visit your favorite fictional worlds- but you never sought to try them out yourself.

College left you too busy with assignments and textbook readings, as well as the constant and unwavering pressure to maintain both your scholarships and high GPA.

Ever the dutiful and driven daughter, hungry for academic validation and success.

Oh, fuck, your scholarships!

Your GPA!

All those assignments and discussions and exams!

And what about your family? Your mother and father? And your best friend?

Aemond Targaryen seems not to understand your words, and why you tell, beg, and plead for him to let you go. “Please, I need to go home,” you cry loudly, while yanking at the thick knots that bound you to his bedframe, “please! My family, my friends. They will be worrying when they don’t hear from me, and all my hard work and accomplishments, it will be for nothing! Please, I beg you, let me go home.”

But he just chuckles and kisses your forehead and says, “Oh, my sweet girl, I’m your family now. Or what is of it.” His lips feel so soft and wonderful, and how desperately you wish to enjoy the feeling. But not like this. You cannot think properly nor muster any sort of response, too distracted and stressed and focused on calming your breathing.

“Although,” he then adds with a smirk, “it truly is not considered a family until you have a babe of your own…or two.”

At his words, you tremble and whimper and try your best to break free, though it is all in stupid and foolish vain. There is no going anywhere, the knots are too tight and Aemond can easily overpower you. All you can do is stare up at the man you once considered your favorite character in the series, ever since the eighth episode aired and he stole your heart and soul and burrowed himself deep within your most inner thoughts and fixation.

“Do not worry,” he says, and you can see a twinkle in the violet of his eye. He rests a hand on your collarbone, gently drawing little shapes across the skin. “Good things will come out of this night, my love, I promise you that.”

Look on the bright side, you tell yourself, in some dumb attempt to steel your nerves, better Aemond Targaryen to lose your virginity to.

“You need to be quieter, my darling-” Aemond murmurs close to your ear “-we do not need curious ears listening in, do we?” He has you riding him, both hands clutching your hips as you do your best to bounce on his cock and match his thrusts. You’re sloppy and inexperienced, and a bit confused on what exactly to do, but it is so endearing that his lips curl into a grin.

Oh, you were made for me, he thinks, watching the way your glazed-over eyes try to hold his gaze. He will have you believe that by the end of the night, dawning if necessary.

There is much rush now that he found you, now that he has the chance to claim you.

You still moan, loud and high-pitched, and he slaps a hand flat over your mouth to shut you up. It makes your pretty and teary eyes widen more as you grab at his wrist, holding onto it while he tuts. “I’ll move my hand when you learn to listen to your husband and stay quiet. No one is allowed to hear my wife in her pleasure. No one but I.” At that, you bat your eyelashes at him, breasts heaving as he leans you down, so close your lips nearly touch, and Aemond can feel your heavy pants against his mouth.

“They will take you away from me, and ship you far across the world where I can’t find you,” he hisses, pinching your swollen nipple between his fingers, “I can’t have that. No, no, do you hear me? I will not survive being torn from you.”

The mere thought of losing you, either at the hands of his mother and grandsire or you returning to your homeland, fills him with sheer dread.

He does not know how to tell you that you are the girl of his dreams, everything he has desired and more. He has seen you in his nighttime slumbers and in the gleam of the summer sunlight and up among the black midnight stars.

But the words fall apart on his tongue, and all he can do is lay beneath you and marvel at your beauty: cheekbones and pretty puffy lips and the curve of your nose, the way your eyebrows furrow in pure pleasure, and how you look utterly delicious and ruined.

“You were made for me,” he breathes in awe, palming at both your breasts. You have to believe him, this sweet and pretty girl of his, how could you not? The gods above created you for him, he will make you see it. “You are taking me so fucking well,” and Aemond flattens a palm against your belly, where he can feel the slight bulge of his cock. “Look at you, you’re my dream come true.” He thrusts his hips up, fucking into you harder and deeper. It makes you squeal and go cross-eyed.

“Is this too much? I know you can handle it, my darling. My love, my sweet girl,” he purrs.

Aemond swipes at the drool pooling at your lips before stuffing two fingers in. “Fuck,” he whines, breathing hard, slipping his other hand in between your thighs, and with his thumb, rubbing at your clit. Your face twists in a gasp as you tremble, your entire body tightening until you cream over his cock, your loud moan muffled by the fingers in your mouth.

“Good girl,” he hums, slowing his thrusts, “Such a good fucking girl. Look at that, did that feel good, my love?” he asks you.

You nod, rocking your hips back and forth. Your thighs shaking and your face scrunching in complete bliss as you start again, taking his cock deep in your stomach with tiny bounces. “Please- please- please-” you babble against his palm. “I-I want- I need-”

“Want what, my sweet girl? Need what, my darling wife?”

You don’t answer, too overtaken by the pleasure. Aemond chuckles and leans upwards, to bury his face between your breasts. You are absolutely stunning, gorgeous, a living goddess; how he went this long without you is baffling. “You wish for my seed. Is that what you want?” he mutters against your nipple, “of course you do, this belly is too empty, isn’t it? My son should be sleeping inside.” His fingers pinch your clit, and you gasp again. “You’ll be the prettiest mother. You were made to carry my children. You were made for me,” and he pulls your face back to his, with a rough grip on your chin.

“Tell me,” he demands through a pant, “tell me how fucking badly you need my seed. Tell me…tell me right now.”

“I- I need it-“ you choke out, but then you shake your head. “No- No I can’t! I- I need to go- go home!”

Aemond laughs, so hard he flings his head back. The sight takes you by surprise before he shoves you off, causing you to land next to him on the bed. You stare up at him, wide eyed and puzzled and swollen and covered in countless bites and bruises. In one swing, he forces your face into the pillow as he mounts you from behind, fucking you hard. His fingers return to your clit, squeezing and tweaking and not caring one bit about your muffled yelps and whines

“You’ll learn, my sweet girl, but perhaps not tonight. I am your home now, do you understand? I’m your family, your husband, and the father to your children.”

He grabs a fistful of damp hair and yanks your face back, never once slowing his thrusts. Your mouth is open with many moans spilling out, eyes clouded with tears, and cheeks flushed. With his lips next to your ear, he whispers, “You are going nowhere.” Then propping himself on one arm, he trails small kisses up your back to your shoulder blade until his mouth slams down on yours in a heavy and wet kiss.

And when he pulls away, his fingertips squeeze your cheeks together as he demands for you to open your mouth. "You are mine," he grunts, "you belong to me," before spitting into it. "Good, now swallow."

And when you do, he smiles.

"There, see?" he coos, leaning to kiss your forehead as he feels you tighten around his cock. He was going to seed you again, deep inside your womb. Come the morning, he knows his son will be in there, and he can hardly wait.

"My wife, my darling girl, the only woman deserving of me and all of me. Only me." He watches you sob at that, pink lips pressing in a tight line as fat tears streak down both cheeks. "Oh, do not worry, my love. You're too lovely to be crying," and he uses his thumb to brush away the tears, "I'm here to give you the life you deserve," he vows, so lovingly, "you will want for nothing."

With a loud huff, you plop yourself on the couch.

The saying “home sweet home” never felt more sincere until now. It took much time and planning and effort and sneaking around on your part, but you managed to find a way to escape from Aemond Targaryen, though not without consequences. Your belly was growing only larger with every new moon, and your babe was starting to shift around more. At most times, you could feel the fluttering sensation across the bottom of your tummy, and every now and then, the tiniest kick.

It was adorable, you admitted, and you tried your best to find enjoyment throughout the pregnancy, sometimes wondering at night about who your child would resemble.

Would their looks favor yours? Or would they favor their father, with his Valyrian features- that iconic silver hair and violet eyes. The latter worried you the most. How could you even begin to explain why your child looked as if they belonged in the Game of Thrones series, specifically in House Targaryen?

Speaking of such, you had not touched House of the Dragon since you arrived back home all those months ago, too unwilling to turn on the tv and see the man whose child you were mysteriously carrying in your womb. It just did not make any sense, it felt more like a weird dream than reality.

But you were dying of boredom. The dragonling (you had taken to nicknaming the baby that, it sounded both cute and appropriate) was stealing away most of your time and energy, and your mother refused to allow you to do anything that could cause harm or add more unnecessary stress.

So you bit your tongue and swallowed down your grumbles and settled comfortably on the couch before opening Fire and Blood.

“Fucking crazy to think that this is a book of your family’s history,” you mumbled to your baby bump, “fictional my ass.”

So you read, to yourself and to your babe. Read about Aegon’s Conquest and the Year of the Three Brides and King Jaehaerys and his Alysanne and their triumphs and tragedies and legacy, and you read until you reached The Dying of the Dragons, the Blacks and the Greens, where you just sighed.

“And when Alicent sent for her second son to fly to Storm’s End, with the purpose of securing Borros Baratheon’s loyalty to Aegon II by winning the hand of one of his daughters, the Four Storms, the truth was finally known. One-eyed Prince Aemond, twenty and one, had taken a wife of his own in secret, a young maiden not of Westeros (according to Mushroom). Yet Prince Aemond lost her a month into their marriage, although by that time he had become so besotted with his bride, to such an extent that he could not bear the thought of living without her or taking another woman as his new wife.

With Prince Aemond refusing his mother’s orders, Queen Alicent had little choice but to send her youngest, Prince Daeron, in his place to Storm’s End. And by the seventh month, Prince Daeron wedded Floris Baratheon, and Prince Aemond One-Eye had reunited with his wife, who was heavy with child by the time he found her.”

You suddenly glance up from the book pages, feeling your heart hammering so hard in your chest that it seems at the end of your throat. On the wall, to your right, hung the calendar which you had taken to use as a means of tracking your pregnancy.

In two weeks, you’ll be at your seventh-month mark.

[just-some-random-blogger]

Hii!

I just came across your empress work with kylo ren and i absolutely loved it.

But i was wondering...

Could you maybe write something like that but with kylo marring a jedi reader to restore balance and peace to the galaxy?

Say That Again

"-- say it," Kylo mutters. His voice becomes shaky, "I want to hear you say it."

Kylo Ren x Jedi!Reader | 1k+ | cw: gender neutra!reader, implied kidnapping, violence/mentions of injury, lovers to enemies, pining, angst, typos, etc.

A/N: this req is remix of this anon's and @copiasratsstuff request where basically YN refers to Kylo with his first name and it makes him snap. also T_T i had to send myself this anon ask because i accidentally posted this WITHOUT ANYTHING on the post LMAO. i hope you enjoy it my loves <3 <3 <3 tbh I think this turned out better than what I had in mind slayyyyed

My heart pounds as I run down the halls. My hands were tingling and moistened with agitation. I huff when I catch sight of the space craft.

I swipe an arm and, using my Force, a pair of stormtroopers crash to the side, clearing my passage.

The footsteps thundering towards me grows louder when I get to the ship and pry the door open with my Force. Just as I'm about to get into the vehicle, a scorching blow hits my leg, then my shoulder. A loud cry leaves my lips before I can even think.

Similarly, I hear painful screaming from afar. "Didn't I say to hold your fire?!"

My panic heightens at the echo of that voice. Through the excruciating pain, I tell myself to push forward. This was it, after all, this was the opening to the freedom I was waiting for.

But the next thing I knew, a dark Force overcame me, and I didn't have enough strength to break free of it.

I thud into the arms of my captor, and whine in pain. I clench my jaw and slowly lift my eyes, glaring at him.

My expression is vaguely reflected on the Supreme Leader's black mask. He sighs before speaking, "you reap what you sow."

I growl and hiss, "and soon will you."

He carries me in his arms, all the way back to my prison cell. He sets me down on his bed l, and as he takes off his helmet, I fling him back with Force, making him lose his balance.

The man doesn't topple though. What only happens is his dark hair falls onto his face. He tilts his head, "childish."

I scoff, "I'm glad you're self-aware."

The Sith Lord says nothing in response. He walks off, props his helmet on his cabinet, and opens a drawer. He walks over to me with bandages and ointment.

I raise a brow as he sits on my side, "you're not going to heal me?"

"The pain will be good for you," he replies, grabbing my injured leg with little regard.

I whine and shift to lessen my discomfort. He begins to lather ointment on my laser gash.

As he does this in silence, and as I behold his profile, his nose, his lips, his lashes, I see flashes of the past from his face. I see a memory of when we were younger, both still under the guidance of our master, Luke. I see his sweet smile, hear his soft laugh, feel his tender kiss... my Ben.

Of course, we were young fools in love. Deep down, we knew we could never be; attachments were dangerous. And yet he promised me himself and I promised him myself, and somehow he believes that was the same as us being married.

That was why he captured me. That was why he was binding my wounds. That was why he was unwilling to let me go. According to him, I was the balance the galaxy craved, I was the balance he long yearned for.

"We are married," he says, a-matter-of-factly.

My face sours, "get out of my head."

"Even if you did, even if you managed to run," he turns to me, one hand gripping my knee, "you think I would just let you go?"

We stare at each other for a while.

"After all I've done to have you?" he narrows his eyes.

"You wouldn't be able to find me," I lean in as I retort.

He leans closer, "and yet you would eventually surrender because your heart is weak."

I whine when he pulls the bandage around me tighter than necessary.

"Your soft heart would not bear the destruction I'd exact on the stars to find you," he ties the bandage and turns back to me. He scoffs under his breath, "you and your empathy."

The last of what remained of Ben Solo stared at me. Perhaps I was the only one delusional enough to see it. He was barely there in face, and in soul, I fear he may be lost forever.

I turn away.

He releases my leg and grabs my arm, "take your top off."

I decide not to put up a fight, there was no point. I take my burnt top off so he could wrap the injury on my shoulder blade.

He moves me so my back is turned to him. He stares at my wound for a prolonged moment. I am tempted to look back at him when I realize he felt pity for me.

"You shouldn't have run."

I don't look back, "you shouldn't have chased after-" I hiss when he applies ointment on my burn.

"You shouldn't have run," he repeats, harder this time.

"Kylo, please-"

"What?"

I look over my shoulder.

"What did you just call me?"

His expression is that of shock and excitement. I quickly correct myself, "Ben. Your name is B-"

"That's not my name," he raises a finger, "that's not what you said-"

"That's what I mea-"

"Say that again, say it," Kylo mutters. His voice becomes shaky, "I want to hear you say it."

I clench my jaw and shake my head. "Your name is Ben Solo."

He releases a deep breath.

I grab his cheeks. It was the first time I had ever willingly touched him, and so tenderly at that, "that is your name. That is who you--"

"Ben is dead," Kylo grabs my wrists, yanking me away from him.

My heart races when I feel the hot air from his lungs.

"I am all that's left," he whispers, brows furrowing. His voice is shaky again, "Ben was weak. He could not even speak his love for you out loud," he shakes his head, "not me. I would make sure the whole galaxy knows my love for you."

I gasp when he grabs my face and kisses me. I immediately shove him away, and when I do, this man with wide, glassy eyes stares back at me.

For once, his face evokes something more than anger out of me. I see his desperation and it pinches my heart.

"Ben-"

"That's not my name," he blurts, snapping out of his trance and jumping to his feet. His moment of vulnerability was over. Staring down at me now was no one else besides the Supreme Leader of the First Order. He wipes his face and blankness falls on his features.

I mean to call his name out again but he speaks before I can.

"I will have a medic attend to your wounds," he says flatly, "don't think to flee while I'm gone."

I watch him walk out of the door.

[sillygoofyqueer]

(@weirdocat83's tags to this post) LUNA. YOU HAVE SUMMONED ME. FGRGGRGHOHGROHGROGHROGH LET'S DO THIS.

Okay, so, I don't think it's going to be a reincarnation au in a sense, but, uh, the spirits of the swords search for what could be classed as a 'replacement' for their divine wielders? So, take Xin Mo for example. His previous wielder could be labelled as a god of war, one who craved bloodshed and spent most of their time on the battlefield - so, Xin Mo's spirit naturally searched for a more hostile soul that was similar to the god's soul, because it was easier for the spirit to...bond? with the soul compared to if the spirit had to edit itself to bond with a more peaceful soul. It found the link with Binghe's (Bingge's?) soul because the guy just wanted to be powerful, and it's easiest to gain power through bloodshed - meaning that Xin Mo's spirit could probably "edit" certain parts of Binghe to fit its basic needs (a lot less predatory than in canon), and then "edit" certain parts of itself so that the bond was less hard to maintain. This would be things like recognising and becoming more calm and less bloodthirsty than it can afford to be due to the fact that Binghe is likely to only be on the battlefield if it's necessary for power - unlike the divine wielder, who had battled for entertainment (not to say that Binghe doesn't revel in a good battle, whether due to Xin Mo's influence or just general satisfaction). I feel like the gods do still exist in the divine realm, but they're a lot quieter and aren't really worshipped by the vast majority anymore (think how secularisation has affected modern society), some even disappearing because they simply didn't have enough worshippers or drive to sustain themselves after the purging of their temples - their lives, if you will. Spiritual weapons still exist in the modern times (this is a modern au, in a sense), still wielded by only a choice few (often granting them immortality as long as they held a strong bond), so people know that gods existed at one point, but most believe that all gods did die in the purging. Obviously, part of why the Three Swords are so unique in their legend is because they require a sacrifice in order to be wielded (connected to how their gods had such strong bonds with their swords that they practically sealed themselves until they could find a worthy replacement), whereas most spiritual weapons merely require respect and devotion because their bonds weren't as wholly consuming as the Three Swords' - if that makes sense? Wei Wuxian's sword will be Suibian, I think. Mainly because there is always a lot of emphasis on Chenqing and, don't get me wrong, I love that little fuckin' flute but Suibian my beloved sword. We don't quite know how sword spirits work in MDZS, so I wanna give them some spotlight in this AU! They deserve it!! Suibian definitely had the most protective/familial bond with her previous owner and (I'm not going to blab about the circumstances or anything of Wei Wuxian finding Suibian but) when she hears such a desperate cry for help from what is practically a teen who obviously has no other support, she can't help it! She's always been the most fair of the Three Swords, but she's still picky when it comes to her owner - they must have good, honest intentions to wield her, and nobody ever does (there's always, even a subconscious, ulterior motive outside of protection. Well, kind of). It's hard to yap about without spilling about Wei Wuxian because I do want to write this and I'm not one to drop secrets before I've even got a first chapter drafted. I would yap about the red/black interactions but this post is already pretty big so- PLEASE ASK ME MORE QUESTIONS, IT'S HELPING ME WORLD BUILD AND I AM A FAN OF TALKING ABOUT MY BRAIN WORMS!!

[gingermintpepper]

Fate-Master I

I did say I would post more wips of my Zeus and Apollo writing so here's a bit from a series I've been writing concerning a young Apollo grappling with being the up and coming Moiragetes - Master of the Fates.

Do let me know if there's any interest for this sort of thing; I didn't originally intend to post this stuff anywhere, but I've just been so frustrated that I feel like it's necessary now 😂

Apollo marks time by etching notches into a clay tablet. He watches from the edge of the mountain’s summit, six of his crows perched three-by-three atop his shoulders and the seventh casting her gaze down onto the maidens all gathered to pick their flowers. He watches them laugh and joke and throw their petals all about, free and fragrant with an easy camaraderie spread thick between them all. He carves his first notch when Persephone lays eyes on the innocent narcissus; in his visions he could never make sense of time’s passing - he did not know how long she would remain swallowed, merely that it would be long enough for her to be missed, searched for, grieved and avenged.

 It will be worth it all in the end.  

Soon, all the world will delight in the birth of new Seasons, a new system of time to mark the stabilisation of this new era.  

He averts his eyes when the earth crumbles beneath Persephone’s feet. There is no way for him to deny it if he truly does bear witness to the act. Apollo cannot see the pitch-black rider on his earth-dark horses as he grabs the maiden. He cannot see those immortal steeds galloping down, down, infinitely down beneath the earth so their rider may delight in his prize. He does not know the sound of her screams as the ground eats her alive. Only the narcissus remains when he once more casts his gaze down, white and untouched. Innocent. Like Apollo. Neither of them have seen a single thing. 

(But oh, her screams are loud in his ear. Big, reedy yells, wet with phlegm. A fawn crying for her mother, the tittering of a sparrowling swallowed foot-first by the viper. They never seemed this loud in his dreams, like footnotes easily overlooked at the very bottom of the page. Apollo does not see her go, but he hears her. He hopes he is the only one who hears.) 

He calls for his darling crow to return to him, stepping light into the halls of Olympus. His day will continue on as normal but to visit his mother so he can request a particularly thick himation for the coming days. Lemnos clicks next to his ear and Apollo huffs, dismissing his crows in a scatter of bright white feathers and glittering metal. They will watch what he cannot. They will make sure the maiden remains buried deep beneath the earth. 

The subtle cold emanating from his father’s quarters curls about his calves - he did not realise he had already travelled the length of the halls. He does not knock before he enters; the women are all busy this time of day and shrewd Athena is still out dancing with his sister, it will just be Father in his room, bent over his table or pouring over one of his maps. 

“It is done.” 

And Father looks up from his writing, a knowing glint shining in wine-dark eyes. His face remains frightfully still, marble stiff and focused on Apollo with the full weight of his eagle sharp intent. “You did not see it?” 

Her scream is the same as the highest note on the aeolian scale. A wonderfully piercing ‘A’. It is similar to the sound that resonates in the sky’s centre, Apollo cannot stop hearing it in his ear. “I did not.” 

Father smiles then, like sunlight peeking through the rough edges of the storm, “Good. That’s good.” He puts his hand to his face, scratches his chin as he hums contemplative. “How much time do we have before… well, before.” 

Demeter’s wailing will be a much darker sound, phrygian and guttural, discordant. Apollo’s had the score written for months now. He thinks he will hang Persephone’s cry next to it. Maybe he will incorporate their melodies into the song he will play at her return. Maybe it is cruel of him to already be thinking such things. “I know not. Time has never been the clearest to me, even in my most vivid of visions.” 

“It is no matter,” Father leans forward, digs a bolt of bright red fabric out of his drawer. “Here,” When he catches it, Apollo feels a denseness in the fibres he has never known. They’re slick yet springy, far coarser than sheep’s wool but unlike any goatskin or leather he has ever handled. “For the cloak you will ask of your mother.”   

He is slowly becoming accustomed to his thoughts not being his own, to his father living so closely in his head. The woven string connecting them still bleeds dye if either of them pull too hard on the connection, but in these quiet moments, it is a comfort. A lifeline. 

“Chimera skin, so it will not burn when you wear it for your work.” Would Father be this calm if it was Artemis swallowed by the earth? Would Apollo? That watery scream is a persistent ringing, she is still screaming far beneath where none but the rider can hear her. (Apollo hears her. Even now, he can hear the heavy breath of the dark stallions, the ripping winds that sting at her ears. Persephone is a friend, can he really leave her to this fate -?) “Phoebus.” 

Father’s broad palm is warm on his shoulder. It pulls him gently from his spiralling thoughts. The heat is unexpected; even now, Apollo can feel his toes going stiff from the room’s chill. 

“I am well,” he hears himself say, distant like the clanging stallion hooves which carry the rider’s prize deeper beneath the earth. Father does not let him go when he tries to escape. He does not tighten his hold either. His hand merely remains on Apollo’s slim shoulder, a point to anchor him here and not there. Apollo focuses on the faint hum of his father’s power, the gentle whistle of his cloud-hairs as they flow about his head, the muffled shuffling of his crows’ feathers as they settle in the gables to await his return. He no longer hears her. Not her, not the dread chariot. He cannot hear a single thing. “I am well.” 

[la-cinephile]

Review and thoughts about TROP 02x08

After watching episode 8 twice (and after crying a lot), here is my review of the last episode of the season 2 of The Rings of Power with a lot of spoilers.

A visual masterpiece

It's not the first episode to be really good on that point but there are definitely some epic scenes that make this season finale almost perfect visually. It begins with the first sequence at Khazad-Dûm with the Balrog. Huge shoutout to the VFX crew who creates this creature and for their work throughout the show because visual effects look great 99% of the time (the 1% left is for the warg in season 1).

King Durin facing the Balrog - Shadow and Flame (02x08)

Through the episode we also have a lot of stunning shots as the ones below :

Pelargir - Shadow and Flame (02x08)

Númenor - Shadow and Flame (02x08)

Rivendell - Shadow and Flame (02x08)

An emotional episode

Even though the series was good in season 1 and also in the beginning of season 2, I didn't feel so emotional than in the last two episodes and especially in episode 8.

Father and son (of father / daughter) relationships are always moving to me so the scene between Prince Durin IV and his father at the beginning and THAT scene with Adar and his children had a big impact on me.

The betrayal scene is the saddest and one of the most brutal thing that happened in the show. It's well done and echoes perfectly what happened in the 02x01 in the flashback but it was hard to watch. I mean, Adar trusted his children and them, they didn't understand that he was making sacrifices not really by choice but because it was necessary to assure peace for their kind. It was a heavy price for him, it was painful but he knew it was the only way to win but no, Glûg thought it was better to make an alliance with Evil.

As I said in a previous post, there is something very similar to the Assassination of Julius Caesar in this scene with the Lord-Father being betrayed by several of his children, especially Glûg who was one of his closest "child", not to mention that Adar calls him "son" (yeah I'm sobbing again writing this).

Adar being betrayed by Glûg - Shadow and Flame (02x08)

I hate Glûg for what he did but he clearly didn't deserve to die like that (poor Mrs Glûg and Glûg Jr) but it's the only way for the other orcs to realize that they made a mistake and be like : "oh no, daddy was right, we were so wrong not to trust him"

Of course as an Adar fan it's hard to watch this scene but his narrative arc makes sense and we all knew he would die sooner or later. He was there during two seasons and that's already a long for an OC and even if he had survived, what next? If his children had been taken by Sauron anyway, would he have lived with that ? With the fact that he lost his children? I don't think so.

Anyway, Adar is undoubtedly one of the best character in the whole series and I will really missed him in the next seasons.

Let me be delulu for a moment : in the beginning of season 3 we will see that the betrayal scene was just a vision of Adar when he put on the ring and by doing so he sees what will happen and so he will prevent it and everything will be fine

I also must talk about the scene between Celebrimbor and Sauron and once again, what a scene! Charles Edwards and Charlie Vickers' performances are so great. This duo is one of the higlights of this second season, and both characters have a very good evolution. I feel so bad for Celebrimbor and I hate Sauron so much for what he has done to him.

But the episode also have less serious moments and sometimes even got some "fun" like when Gil-galad reacts to the sound of the dwarves coming to help the elves by just saying "Dwarves" with a knowing glance to Elrond. This quote doesn't have to be so funny but it made me smile (and I needed it).

Talking about Gil-galad, seeing him on the battlefield make me like him more. I mean I didn't really like him before because he had this elvish attitude I really don't like and I clearly prefer him as a warrior king.

I will just add a few words on Galadriel : Morfydd Clark was once again so badass. Her quote "the door is shut" and the kick just after, I mean it's so good to have a strong woman in a fiction like this, no matter what haters think, there is girl power in TROP and I love that!

An amazing soundtrack

Bear McCreary has created so many masterpieces throughout the whole series and there are definitely great musical themes added in season 2 like the music for Rhûn or this awesome metal song (The Last Ballad of Damrod) in episode 7.

Soundtrack is an important part of a tv series or a movie and so in TROP, the scenes are not just great, they become epic and truly as powerful as some scenes in the LOTR trilogy. It really gave me chills through all episode 8, mostly at the end at the future Rivendell which is a so beautiful scene.

Near perfection

The episode wasn't perfect and not as good as episode 7 in my opinion and I think the main reason is the pacing.

There is something wrong with it, it happens also in other episodes but here it's obvious, I mean some time has passed since the end of episode 7 and even if it's only a matter of a couple hours, I think it would have been better if episode 8 have been longer and could explain how Arondir was healed for example.

Let me be clear : I'm glad he is alive because he is a good character but how the hell did he survives adar's attack?! He was stabbed with an arrow and with a sword and he appears in episode 8 as if nothing bad happened to him, just a scratch or something like that. He looks just fine and it would have been better to have an explanation. Yes, you will say it's Gil-galad who must have healed him but when? And why aren't they together when they are taking hostages by the orcs before the dwarfs are coming to rescue?

With more time, we could also have known why Adar took the crown in the middle of the forest or how Glûg convinced other orcs to betray Adar because the last time we saw him in episode 7, he seems to be the only one to stay at the camp and not following Adar to the city and I would have be more kind on his "conspiracy" if we had a shot where some Uruks gathered around Glûg (you'll say we saw that earlier in episode 7 during the dialogue between Glûg and Adar but I keep thinking that a shot with several orcs staying with Glûg while Adar is marching to the city would have be more significant.)

Okay, it's my way to say I want an extended cut, no matter how long it is but please Amazon give us the extended cut!

Also, I know there is no need to explain everything (even though it's one of my flaw either as a spectator and as a writer because I always want to know every details or make sure that everything is clear) but how did Galadriel survived a fall like that?

About the Gandalf's reveal well it's not a bad thing if you considered only the movies and if you haven't read the books but I hope it's not only for fan service. I'm not mad at it but with all the hints, it's not such a big reveal in the end.

Conclusion

It was a good episode and I prefer this second season to the first one. The end is perfect as it concludes some narrative arcs and opens on others like the creation of The One Ring, Númenóreans going on war or the establishment of Rivendell. Yes some characters will be missed in the next seasons but if the show really goes on for 5 seasons, it's already good for some characters to have been able to stay alive that long, moreover for Adar who was supposed to be killed off earlier according to the showrunners. I can't wait for the next season because great things are coming and it will probably be at least as good as this second season.

Thanks for reading this long review 😊

[stephaniebrownslover]

HIII WELCOME MEE

FIRST I WANT TO SAY I REALLY LOVE YOUR WRITING STYLE. YOU'RE ONE OF MY FAVORITE CP WRITERS IN TUMBLR (Seriously, no joking)

Can you please write Kate x Nina's relationship for your main AU?

(Also it's one of my fav ship, I wanted to read my fav ships hcs by my fav writers)

I WAS ALMOST FORGET, HAVE A GOOD DAY/NİGHT :3

HIIIIIII AGAIN LOVELY PERSON!!!!

Bro. Bro stop saying things like this because I'm literally about to cry. THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU SO MUCH

I really love and be surprised when people like my writing because of my self-esteem issues lol you have no idea how your kind words make me so happy and and make hate less from my writing style so thank youuuuuuu

I appericate you so much and and you're so sweet and nice and cool and awesome and cool and kind and sweet and and and

Okay I think I'll have an heart attack sorry if İ bothered you but I'm truly so grateful for your kind words<3333

I love NinaKate so much so of course I can do it for you even if I'm dying lol

(Ps: it wasn't seasonal allergies, turns out, it was the beginnig stage of pneumonia and bronchitis lol)

Also you can check this non-canon NinaKate headcanon post I made some time ago too!!

Okay but I can't get over how nice the words you say, really, I'm thinking about it since I saw the ask.

Sorry it's more like how they became friends and Nina and Kate lore but it would be so long that I had to split it into 2 parts. Hope you don't mind.

HAVE A GOOD NIGHT AND DAY TOO!!!!

Holy shit it's angst, I really didn't mean to...

NinaKate Romantic Relationship For My Main AU-Part I

Seeing each other for the first time

Nina has been known among the proxies since the night when Zalgo controlled her at the age of 15 and helped her find Jeff. Slenderman didn't want to take her with him because he didn't see any benefit to himself since Zalgo had reached out to her first, but he hadn't given the order to kill her yet just because he was curious about what would happen.

Nina was unaware that it was a ritual to summon Zalgo when she practiced one of the love spells she found on the Internet at the age of 13. Zalgo, seeing potential in her because of her obsessive love, followed her for 2 years, did not leave her alone. And since he decided it was the perfect time to take her with him, he took control of her body at the age of 15 and had her kill her own family.

Regaining control while plunging a knife into the heart of her younger brother Chris, Nina then felt so bad that she ran to the woods near her home. Zalgo led Nina through the forest, aiming to convince her that all this was Slenderman's and Jeff's fault and get her to the stage of wanting revenge. There she met Jeff, but Zalgo's plan backfired, as she hugged him and cried instead of hating him as he expected.

Kate had never seen the newcoming stray killer that Slenderman wanted to get rid of face to face before, but she had heard about the descriptions of her appearance and that she was a weird person in general. Since she was already someone who had been drifted away from humanity for a while, she had no reason to meet her, and these rumors didn't help either.

Kate, who was only 16 years old, had been a proxy for two years and had no one because of the fact that Masky and Hoodie were too focused on their own worlds and she didn't like them either. Rouge, Cody and Toby were not yet a proxy. So she was alone with Hoodie and Masky, who didn't even want to talk to her because they were afraid of her, and she wasn't looking for any human relationship.

She had experienced a hellish life until she was 14, but since she became a proxy, she has literally not been a human being. Although she had all the necessary human characteristics, she was not treated as a human, she did not think like a human, she did not feel like a human. That's why she was Slenderman's favorite proxy, since the whole purpose of her living was to fulfill his duties. The fact that she unconditionally accomplished everything he said made the others even more distant from her, but there was no problem for Kate. After all, she was no longer a human being.

It's been a month since Nina started staying in the same cabin with Jeff. Actually, she could have gone back to her old life since Zalgo destroyed the traces of that night, but Nina didn't know about it yet. Since no one else was trying to communicate with her, she thought that Jeff was the only important thing in her life, and she was holding on to him with all her strength. Although Jeff felt sorry for her at first, they started arguing because he was getting overwhelmed by her sticky attitude.

One day, when Jeff was drunk and really hurt Nina's feelings, Nina ran away deep into the forest to calm down. After walking for a while, she realized that she had lost. Moreover, this time, since both sides considered Nina worthless, there was no one to guide her through the forest. Nina was completely lost. She crossed to the foot towards a tree and let the tears flow, which she could no longer hold back. She was crying not only for this moment, but for everything. Most of all, because she was a bad person, and the fact she deserved all this.

Kate was returning from a mission. She was incredibly injured, and if people really cared about her, they wouldn't have let her walk on her own. Actually, Hoodie, with whom she had gone on, had offered to help her, but Kate's snarling with hatred indicated that she had responded negatively to his offer, and Hoodie's fear of Kate had caused him not to insist any further. After all, Kate knew that no one really wanted to deal with a non-human proxy who was at the age of 16.

That's why Kate was staggering through the forest alone, trying to ignore the pain and depth of her wounds. She just needed to get to Jack's cabin. Ann had just arrived, and Kate still didn't trust her. She had many reasons not to trust a zombie. Smiley hadn't started working for Slenderman yet either. So Jack was the only one Kate could go to, and despite her bleeding wounds, she was trying to get there as quickly as possible.

Kate, who was trying to walk, heard a crying sound. It... it was a human cry. She didn't know what she had to do. She kept walking, thinking that she didn't need to do anything because she knew she wasn't a human. But there was something in that crying sound which bothered her. This stranger's voice was filled with more pain and anger than she had ever heard before. Although Kate was not ready to face an enemy, she decided to check the source of the sound.

The person crying was none other than Nina, whose name was mentioned only with hatred and contempt.

Their first real meeting

Kate watched Nina for a while without making a sound. She did not know why she was crying, and frankly she had wondered what made her so sad. Because as far as she heard from others, Nina was a person who was cheerful enough to annoy and never got upset. And obviously, Kate was surprised to encounter a sight that was the opposite of the rumors she had heard.

Just when Kate decided she had watched enough crying and was getting ready to leave, Nina, who heard the sounds Kate was making, shouted in that direction. Kate would never normally have made such a fatal mistake, her injuries had made it difficult to control her body and she hated it. She hated being weak.

When Nina screamed again, Kate knew she had to do something. Her first thought was to quietly leave the environment, but she was not in a good enough condition to do so, and Nina was not an enemy. So, Kate thought it would be enough for her to just say hello and introduce herself.

When she appeared, Nina tried to suppress her sobs and stand up, but she fell to the ground since she sprained her leg. While Kate was only frowning at this situation, Nina was thinking about how useless and incompetent she was, which is why her crying became more intense.

Not knowing what to do, Kate slowly went up to her and held out her hand to her. On her first attempt, she had pulled her hand out regretfully before she even reached the halfway point, but when she saw how upset Nina was, she tried to overcome her hesitation. Kate was sure that she had been disturbed by the sound of her crying, and that she had been so kind as to make her cease her voice. However, in reality, it was just a proof that her humanity had not completely died.

Although Nina wanted to hold her hand, she suddenly saw how badly Kate was injured, and Nina immediatly pulled the hand she was holding out to hold Kate's and took support from the tree. She then stated that she did this because she did not want to hurt her any more, but was grateful for the offer of help.

Then nervously asked if Kate, who she knew was not the enemy, could take her back to Jeff's cabin after someone checked Kate. Nina didn't know where she was supposed to go, but she was sure that the person in front of her knew. She had seen the proxy mark on her wrist from her torn clothing.

Kate only responded with a shrug and started walking slowly. Nina also went after her, hoping that this was a signal for her to follow the proxy. Along the way, although Kate occasionally looked at Nina, Nina didn't mind it. Nina had noticed that she was an observant person, and she even thought it was cute.

After a walk, they arrived at Jack's cabin, where Nina randomly asked Kate questions to distract her own mind from sad topics, and Kate sometimes gave audible answers, while most of them were in body language.

Kate knocked on the door and asked Jack if he could take a look at her wounds. When Jack called her in, Nina was standing in front of the door because she didn't recognize him. But later, when she saw Kate making a movement signaling for her to come inside, she entered the cabin and closed the door.

After first Kate's wounds were taken care of, and then her own leg, Jack insisted they should stay here. He said it was too late even for a proxy and the killer to be roaming the forest, and explained that he had enough places. He also mentioned that Kate wouldn't need to come all that distance for her check-up the next morning.

Nina, who heard the word , only burst into sobs. Killer. That's how people must have see her now. As someone who takes lifes of innocent people for no reason. She knew that her idol was a murderer, but she had convinced herself that his victims were for a purpose. That's why she hated herself while glorifying Jeff in her eyes.

While Jack was trying to calm her down, Kate also bizarrely asked why she was crying. Nina was angry at being asked so clearly, so she yelled and told what had happened to her. She said how she had a wonderful family, but now they're nine floors underground because of her own stupidity. And what a terrible big sister she was.

While Jack was patting her on the back just to calm her down, Kate said it wasn't her fault. She even tried to explain that she was aware of what Zalgo had done, and that Nina was considered lucky to have survived with this much, as Kate was someone who had seen even worse.

Nina, on the other hand, was only more annoyed and asked how she was considered lucky. Her life was completely ruined, she had nowhere or no one to go to. Then Kate told her that the cops weren't after her, that she didn't have to live this life like herself. She sat down next to Nina and controlled herself, even though she wanted to put her hand on Nina's back.

Nina was surprised now. She asked Kate about her own story. Nina wanted her to tell her why Kate was here, why she was a proxy. And Kate just paused.

She said she didn't remember.

She mentioned that she had no memories of before the age of 14. Hearing this, Nina felt an incredible sense of pity for the young proxy standing in front of her. Nina may have had bad memories, but at least she had good ones too. She thought what a terrible thing it was to not know who she was. Not being aware of the existence of anyone who loves her. Not having a real life.

And quite instinctively she took hold of Kate's bony hands, which were like ice.

Kate didn't know what to do. She reflexively withdrew her hand, but she also knew that Nina had not done it for any malicious purpose, and her apology was a proof of this. Then Kate said it was okay for her to hold her hand and placed it back on her own lap. Nina grasped her hands tightly once again.

She told Kate that not having a past did not pose any problems. And Nina even got a little overexcited and said that if she wanted, they could build a future together as friends.

Kate, on the other hand, was literally shocked. While Kate was content with just nodding, Nina excitedly let go of Kate's hands and clapped her owns in the air. This was how their friendship, which was quite meaningful for both, began.

The beginning of their friendship

That night they stayed in the beds that Jack had made for them. Nina was acting incredibly protective of Kate's injuries, and Kate felt that day for the first time in years that she was worthy of being cared for as a person. Of course, this feeling was not long-lasting, but it was enough to create an involuntary smile on her lips. And that was enough for Kate for now.

Nina was constantly jumping from topic to topic while talking, occasionally not neglecting to ask Kate questions about her own thoughts. Nina realized that she was someone who didn't like to talk too much, and she didn't see extra talking as a problem because she knew that Kate was really listening her. 

Kate, on the other hand, was starting to feel more and more comfortable answering Nina's questions. Maybe this could have been due to her slowly creeping sleep, which came under the influence of medications. After saying goodnight, she finished talking. However, realizing that Nina may have thought that Kate was bored with herself, she offered that Nina could come to the proxy cabin for a few hours tomorrow if she wanted.

Nina instantly accepted this with the joy of having found a new friend. Although she was physically hurt while sleeping that night, she was emotionally relieved. A voice inside her was saying that they would both be good for each other.

Kate kept her promise. After the necessary check-up the next day, they set off for the proxy cabin. Nina was upset that Jeff hadn't called her even though she'd been away all night, but she didn't care about it as much as she usually did. Because she was no longer alone, she had a friend.

It was good for them that there was no one in the cabin. Both Kate didn't want to deal with others, and Nina wasn't ready to meet someone else yet. For a while they just hung out doing nothing and just chatted.

Kate then timidly asked Nina if she liked to play video games. Nina mentioned that she sucked at games and explained that's why she only watched other people play. Kate, on the other hand, in an even more shy manner, said that Nina could watch herself if she wanted to.

They played games for hours that day. They did not stop playing until nightfall came. And then Kate offered to take Nina to Jeff's cabin before it got too dark. Nina was actually staying alone in the same cabin with Jeff and Ben. Because they were considered one of the first inhabitants of the forest, and apart from the proxy cabin, other cabins had enough place for maximum 4-5 people.

Kate was very angry when she saw that Jeff was rude to Nina while dropping her off at the cabin, but when she saw that Nina was generally happy, she didn't say anything to avoid upsetting her. Then, when she was going to say goodbye to Nina and leave, Nina stopped her and gave her her number. Nina didn't have anywhere to write, so she asked if it would be a problem if she wrote in Kate's hand, and when Kate said yes, she wrote down her number. Then Nina asked for her own number and registered it.

After saying goodbye, Nina was waving enthusiastically to Kate from inside the cabin. Kate, too, shyly waved to her gently. When Kate turned around, she couldn't help but smiling.

When Kate came to the place where she was staying, she had a strange feeling inside. She wasn't sure what it was, but she liked it. Then, while she picked up her phone to check if there was any important message from Masky and Hoodie, she saw Nina's new message.

"Hiiiii, thx so much for helping me!!!!! Hop i can see ya soon sweetie :3333"

That day, Kate had found a real friend for herself. Maybe it could have been her first friend in her life. And she was glad of it.

Nina had found herself a true friend. Someone who really cared about her and doesn't use her for her own interests. There was a pleasant feeling in her.

Holly hell how long this shit is-

Also Nina's message might be out of character, English is not my main language and I'm not used to writing like that.

Sorry for shitty writing but I'm sick as hell

[msmargaretmurry]

hi i’m sorry super random question — i love your writing, and i was wondering if you had any fav books to recommend? i’m trying to read more lately!! thank you so much!!! 💖

no apologies necessary and thank you so much!! yay for reading more! i have so many books i love and usually i would try to tailor recommendations to someone's interests so i will just try to give a little smorgasbord here.

under the cut please find a very long list of recs; i hope there are a few that sound appealing to you! if there are things you like to have content warnings for and can't tell from the goodreads listing, feel free to message me to ask! 💕

literary/contemporary fiction

beartown by fredrik backman: this is the hockey novel, imo. somehow backman captures everything hockey is — violence, entitlement, racism, privilege, misogyny — while still writing a breathtaking story about people who love the sport and people who unwillingly get caught up in its wake. there are two sequels, which i haven't read yet solely because i'm afraid of how many feelings they'll make me feel.

the secret history by donna tartt: yes, the og dark academia book. moody, atmospheric, and pretentious, i feel like it's a you-love-it-or-hate-it, and i love it. a delicious critique of elitist academia even while filled with morsels for classics-loving nerds. fantastic, deeply fucked-up characters.

station eleven by emily st john mandell: not sure if reading this during a pandemic was the best idea, but it certainly added something to the experience. i love emily st john mandell's prose, and the post-pandemic-apocalypse world she builds feels simultaneously fantastical and painfully real.

evvie drake starts over by linda holmes: this is the perfect example of what i want in a contemporary romance novel. deeply character-driven, sweet, achy, lovely.

historical fiction

in memoriam by alice winn: oh man oh man. we read this one for book club last month and it blew me away. brutal, devastating, romantic.

how much of these hills is gold by c pam zhang: really loved how this book brought a new lens to the American western/frontier story, loved how it blended Chinese mythology into the story, loved how it unflinchingly did race and gender in ways that felt both illuminating and historically true.

the island of sea women by lisa see: i love lisa see's historical fiction because she does a shitload of research and weaves it into her stories in ways that don't feel like infodumping. on top of her being an excellent writer, i always feel like i've learned something.

the book thief by markus zusak: just a masterclass in point of view. made me ugly cry in public.

the nickel boys by colson whitehead: i mean, colson whitehead is just so good. harrowing, atmospheric, and smart, the characters and story feel absolutely real in the best and worst ways.

fantasy/sci-fi

the radiant emperor duology by shelley parker-chan: man, this duology is one of the best fucking things i've read in the past few years. kind of an alternate-history 14th-century china, now with more magic and more gender. brutal and delicious. morally gray everything.

the farseer trilogy and the liveship traders trilogy by robin hobb: these were my favorite books as a teen and i've recently been rereading them (i'm finally on the third book of the second trilogy!) and having such a good time. structurally they're very classic high fantasy but i think hobb is so fucking good at worldbuilding and characters.

the left hand of darkness by ursula k. leguin: look, it's a classic for a reason! i will say if you start it and you feel kind of lost: stick with it, slow down, and be patient. the pov character is a stranger in a strange land and you feel every bit of that. another masterclass in point of view.

tuyo by rachel neumeier: i love reccing this book because it's just a random self-published fantasy novel that one of the gals in my book club found somehow and it wound up being super fun? the worldbuilding is fun, the culture clash is tense (and fun), and i feel like the concept of a "tuyo" could do numbers as a fanfic trope if people got on board!

the thief by megan whalen turner: another great book for pov!!! just a really fun and satisfying read (and pretty short, if you need something short!). the rest of the series is also very good and worth reading but none of it hit quite as hard for me as this first book, possibly because the first book is just so excellent.

young adult/middle grade

on the come up by angie thomas: this is specifically an audiobook rec. i'm sure this book is also good reading with your eyes, but it's about a teen girl who wants to be a rapper, and i think being able to hear the rhythm of the language, esp the rapping itself, makes for a fantastic audiobook experience.

the westing game by ellen raskin: another classic for a reason!! one of the smartest books out there, a joy to read for the first time at any age.

michigan vs the boys by carrie s. allen: the thing is, i usually i find first person present tense so annoying it's nigh unreadable, but i found this book about a teen girl having to play on her high school's boys' hockey team after they cut funding to the girls' program so charming and compulsively readable. bonus points that the author really knows her hockey!

darius the great is not okay by adib khorram: even just thinking about this book puts a lump in my throat lmao. just a beautiful coming of age story that deals with identity and depression and belonging and family and more.

the loneliest girl in the universe by lauren james: pretty sure i tore through this book in one sitting. great sci-fi setting and sense of creeping dread.

a wrinkle in time by madeleine l'engle: another classic for a reason, lol. including it on this list because it is actually my favorite book. l'engle has such a special touch with writing — it's so full of heart. as a kid one of the things i loved about this book was that it didn't dumb any of its sophisticated worldbuilding and characterization down for me, which i think is a great lesson for a writer.

memoir-ish

they can't kill us until they kills us by hanif abdurraqib: hanif is the GOAT and i recommend anything he's written, but this book of essays about music, culture, and hanif's life is easily my favorite of his work.

a ghost in the throat by doireann ní ghríofa: stunningly original mix of personal essay, poetry, history — i'm not even sure how to describe it. but it floored me.

in the dream house by carmen maria machado: speaking of creeping dread!!! many people have said many smart things about how good this book is so i will simply say they are all extremely correct.

sports nonfiction

the boys in the boat by daniel james brown: a gorgeously written love letter to rowing juxtaposed hauntingly against the rise of hitler. i have not seen the movie, but there's no way it could be as good as the book.

bottom of the 33rd by dan barry: possibly this is a baseball book for baseball people, but i loved every meandering moment of this lovingly written microhistory of the longest baseball game ever played.

the last best league by jim collins: another baseball book, sorry, baseball books are so good. this one's about the amateur league on cape cod where the best college players play in the summer. a great august read imo.

impossible owls: essays by brian phillips: a sprawling book of sportswriting from a former grantland writer. i read it five years ago and still think about it sometimes

other nonfiction

forget the alamo by bryan burrough, chris tomlinson, & jason standford: i made myself pick only ONE history nonfiction for this list because otherwise we'd be here all day. but this one is so good, especially if you're interested in the making and unmaking of american mythology.

empire of pain by patrick radden keefe: i do actually recommend anything prk writes, but this book on the sacklers' evil pharmaceutical empire is both timely and exhaustively reported. another audiobook rec as well, because prk reads it himself and you can hear the disdain in his voice.

because internet: understanding the new rules of language by gretchen mcculloch: really fun read about the development of online dialect and language! at five entire years old it's already a smidge out of date, but still so enjoyable.

[ipatrichor]

dead boy detectives episode four thoughts

hey remember last post where i said last episode gave me everything I wanted. HOW ARE WE FEELING NOW BOYS. WE GOT THE BREAKDOWN!!! THAT MAN HAD AN EMOTIONAL OUTBURST AND COLLAPSED WE LOVE TO SEE IT!!!!!!

okay so i was wrong and charles' dad did not kill him. that's fine tbh I like this a lot, that he was essentially accidentally killed by his friends bc he stood up to them when they were bullying someone (? i think that's what the scene was implying. idk i was really excited about seeing him have a mental breakdown i might have missed something 😭). not to say that what they were doing was an accident, i just don't think they were trying to kill him i think they took the bullying too far and then maybe panicked when he died and covered it up, and that's why his death is unsolved? anyway very interesting! they truly do not miss with charles everything we've gotten from him is so great it makes me even more excited for edwin backstory haha

GOD CHARLES' BREAKDOWN.... that is everything i've ever wanted from a character repressing their emotions do u understand that. he got slammed into some of his worst memories, the most painful and traumatic moments of his life, and then with all those emotions back on the surface he went apeshit!!! i Love him getting aggressive to protect his friends (because that's really what he does, isn't it. he's the brains, i'm the brawn. god.) and then breaking down crying because he can't keep pretending like things are fine anymore, there's too much all at once for him to shrug it off. PHENOMENAL stellar acting stellar writing i love all of this i am eating it like soup!!!

and just. the things he was saying, about how he has to keep being positive he has to keep it together because if he doesn't who will? who else have they got to keep spirits up and stop the group from self-destructing? god it's. so good. i am not going to elaborate on some of that striking a nerve but. god. they gave me everything i wanted to see i love it so much!!! that is everything i hoped for from this story beat you understand!!!!

i wonder if maybe jenny is going to get an episode? or like a b-plot focused on her, something like that. the love letters seem like a plot thread that's going to be pulled on later, it just doesn't seem like this show to establish a mystery and then have it only be a background detail. we'll see tho ^^ i love jenny, i'd love to see more of her she's so fun. reminds me of a friend of mine tbh so i am biased, but also i deeply appreciate a woman with knives on a societal and also personal level 👍

okay can i just say. the night nurse (thank u noble for telling me her name <3) is kind of an asshole right. like i don't think she's evil she's doing a very necessary job, but it's actually delightful how ruthless she is about it. oh these two souls are refusing to move on? throw them into their worst traumas and the most painful moments of their lives to convince them there's nothing worth staying on earth for. sure, it's cruel, but who cares? it's efficient, and that's what matters. these are just children acting out to her, who don't understand the importance of what she does to keep everything in order. i love ruthless characters, and she's done so well she's so fun to watch

also. i do not think this is the last we've seen of her. like yeah she got fed to a sea monster but also she's literally from the afterlife and can travel back to earth wherever as long as she gets the permits. so. i think they bought some time, but that won't last long and they're still stuck in the town so i think she's far from done with them, and we'll see her again probably sooner rather than later (especially since she knows where they're staying)

crystal. my girl. beloved. PLEASE stop almost dying every episode it's bad for my blood pressure. you don't understand you're a living person which means they can kill you while still having you as a character on the show by making you become a ghost. you and niko don't have that safety net Please be more careful 😭

we got some really interesting lilith lore this episode, and it's got me thinking. a goddess of blood and wronged women... what about esther? she's been kidnapping and killing little girls, is that not wronging them? has it just not caught up to her yet because she's been making sacrifices, and if so what happens now that the squad has stopped her from kidnapping more kids? is she on some kind of time limit? this is So interesting I am deeply intrigued by the possibilities here...

the cat king was... there. okay i will admit the scene where he shapeshifted into monty and then charles was interesting. the implications are Fascinating, especially the order- he shifts into monty first and only briefly, but it doesn't seem to affect edwin until he shifts into charles. and then, edwin seems almost entranced until the yellow eyes show through which is. there are certainly implications! idk if it means anything besides instinctively trusting charles more bc they've known each other longer or something like that- especially considering this is netflix we're talking about, but then again the show got cancelled so maybe things did get gay! they've also set up edwin possibly having a crush on monty, or at least being unsure how he feels about him so. no idea but i am Keeping An Eye On That 👀

also. him saying he's never really been interested in/seen the appeal of kissing but now isn't sure whether it's something he wants... clutching grayro/demiro edwin to my chest. this is mine now he's one of us 👍

speaking of edwin, his moment there with niko at the end was really sweet. they're watching scooby doo together 😭 it's the perfect blend of their interests bc it's a detective cartoon.... their friendship is so cute holy shit. the simplicity and genuineness of their dynamic is so sweet, how edwin praises niko's detective work (telling her she's good at something very important to him!) and niko offers a listening ear without judgement as he works through what looks like it's shaping up to be a sexuality crisis. they mean so much to me... they're friends your honor!!!!

oh also charles and crystal kissed. idk man i don't have many thoughts on that. good for them 👍 I think the framing was sweet, in that the show sets up the kiss as the 'something real' crystal wants, but i will admit that part of me is disappointed because i wanted crystal and niko to get together. idk i thought they balanced each other out well, with crystal being subtle where niko is blunt and niko having hope where crystal is cynical, but. that's fine. i wasn't super invested. it's fine. no lesbians for me i guess... sad! oh well

all silliness aside, this episode was yet another Banger they simply do not miss!! the lighthouse ghost was such a fun character, and i love niko's kindness shining through again as she offers edwin red sea glass for courage and the walrus man green sea glass for emotional stability after telling him how she found the washerwoman. niko sasaki the woman that you are.... anyway i'm starting the next episode and then afterwards we'll see how i feel i might need to break for dinner lol

[anyalovesu]

tolerate it.

xiii. all is well if it ends well with you.

—"all is well if it ends well with you."

necessary notes:

contains 🔞 content if ur not into that or u r a minor, do noT READ

the 🔞 is pw authenticated but the password just somewhere around this series hehe ( i did this to save face bc im that is the first time i wrote straight up smut and i'm seriously slowly getting delirious if it's good or what ) ( skl: embarrassingly i had a friend who has the experience that clearly i don't, read it and give me feedback if shit i wrote actually happens (basically validating the shit that i wrote) and it's safe to say that was the most awkward phase of our friendship 🥲🤡 )

ur feedback will be appreciated ( you can send it here ) tell me what i can improve or which parts did u enjoy or whatever u want to tell me ( pls be nice ) and i will read it and respond if u ever send me ur thoughts hehe

this is the last chapter of this series but i might be writing more about this in the epilogue or in the side stories hehe if ur interested in that, i will link the bsides on the main post !!

most of all, thank you, to anyone who read this. for a good amount of time i was convinced that i would be the only one reading this over and over until im delusional that someone is reading this other than me but it turned out that someone is actually reading whatever this is that i write 🥲🥲 sooo thank u sm, i will always appreciate u guys 🤍

anyways...

“Cielo, oh my god, you need to stop crying, papagalitan na tayo ng coordinator! They’re looking for me na!” Bianca whined, handing Cielo another tissue as Cielo asked her to accompany her before they went to the venue. “It’s not like she’s not gonna be your sister anymore!”

“Hindi mo nga kasi naiintindihan!” Cielo whined, breath hitching as he kept on crying. 

“I’m gonna get kuya. I’m so sorry I don’t know how to comfort you anymore, Cielo!” Bianca was in a verge of tears as well, being all stressed out and needing to excuse herself from the situation because she didn’t want to ruin the hard work that the make-up artists did on her. 

That being said, as Bianca was running towards the men’s dressing room when she came across Leon, who was all ready to go. “Oh bakit ka andito? Hindi pa kayo nakakaalis nila Ynes?”

“Cielo is still crying, kuya! I don’t know what to do anymore!” Bianca was clearly in distress. Her and Cielo have been friends for a long time too, and getting overwhelmed when a friend needed her really made her feel gutted.

“Pumunta ka na sa sasakyan. I’ll handle this, okay?” Bianca nodded before making her way to the front of the resort where the vans were waiting for them, meeting the rest of the girls.

Leon headed to where Bianca seemingly came from to find Cielo in the courtyard garden of the exclusive resort that they rented in Batangas. He was sitting on one of the benches, sniffing with the pack of tissue that Bianca had left him before she went to get someone to help.

“Hi,” he smiled, sitting next to him. Cielo was surprised to see Leon next to him that he jumped a bit when he heard his sister's soon-to-be husband. “Still worried about your Ate Ellie, no?”

Cielo nodded in honesty. Leon would not help but notice how adorable he was, realizing how much he is like his sister. So emotional and sensitive. Even the way they talk is so similar he finds it uncanny sometimes. It really shows how involved Eli was in his life. She did raise him after all, more than their own parents did, which only made Eli even more beautiful in his eyes despite not being able to see her since yesterday. At such a young age, Elijah raised this emotionally intelligent and sensitive young boy, which turned out to be one of the warmest people he ever met in his life. 

“Please don’t take my ate away,” he sniffled, pulling yet another tissue from the pack to wipe his tears and blow his nose. “I don’t wanna be left alone.”

“Ellie is still going to be Ellie, Cielo,” Leon chuckled, putting a comforting arm around the younger. “Wala akong inaagaw. She’s still gonna be there for you the moment you ask her to. Kailan ba humindi ang ate mo sa’yo, ha?”

Even before Eli moved out for college, she was there for him. Natrouble that school? Eli would be there. Naiwan ang baon sa bahay? It’s alright, Eli will just buy him new food or give him money. Nakalimutan magsabi na kailangan ng illustration board or ng cartolina kinabukasan, don’t fret, Ate Eli would be there before the time period when you need it with anything you might need. Eli always showed love by being there and doing things for other people. Everyone pretty much knew that. So it’s a surprise that Cielo is worried that she’s not going to be there as much for him when she gets married when it’s always been him who’s always at the top of her priority list.

“When you have children, she’s not going love me as much,” he sobbed, body shaking as he finally says what his main worry was.

Leon sighed. “I doubt we’re gonna have children until you’re ready, Cielo.”

“Hindi naman kasi para sa akin ang desisyon na ‘yon, kuya,” he argued.

“Yes, it’s for us to make. But knowing your ate, she’s not gonna do it until kaya mo na ng wala s’ya.”

“I’m always going to need, Ate.”

“Maybe just until you need your Ate Ellie less,” he smiled at him. “We’re young, Cielo, and at the peaks of our careers. Trust me when I say na hindi pa kami rin ready rin na magkaroon ng anak. So if waiting for you will be our sign to actually be ready, then you’re doing us a favor.”

“Are you really going to wait for me?”

Leon nodded and before he knew it, Cielo’s arms were around him already. “Thank you, Kuya.”

—

“You may now say your vows,” the officiant then steps aside before Leon takes the mic and opens his card that is eloquently decorated, a design that Elijah remembers she drew herself during the week that they were asked not to go to work because of the incident.

“Ellie,” he starts with a heavy sigh, before shaking his hands to relieve himself of his nerves. “Don’t worry, hindi naman ako kinakabahan dahil hindi ako sure. Kinakabahan lang ako baka kasi magkamali ako and I don’t want to mess it up.”

The crowd laughed at his remark before he glanced at her parents before glancing back at her. “It’s been approximately 23 years since I’ve had the privilege of meeting you. You have been my best friend ever since I could remember having one. And I must say 13-year-old Leon would go full on cardiac arrest if he found out that this would happen. That 10 years later, I would be standing in front of our loved ones, reciting my vows to you. That being said, I promise to always scour the internet and everyone and their mom just so I would know how to cook whatever you are craving the way you want it to. I promise to wait, everytime, especially when you’re still afraid to tell the truth. I promise to sit with you until you’ve already recovered from your emotions. I promise to always drive back 2 hours, give or take, whenever you forget something at home. I can promise so many more things but I’m afraid, for once, to say it. Hindi dahil hindi ko kayang gawin. Natatakot ako na baka hindi ko masabi lahat. Dahil d’yan, I must repeat a promise that I have already made before just to remind you that if you want me to, I will, dahil ikaw ang palaging masusunod. Ellie, I promise to never let you work for anything ever again unless you really want to. I know you come from a long line of families who worked hard for what they have right now, but Ellie, I promise to never let you work to be loved ever again. I promise to never let you try at all to be someone that people would love, dahil hindi na’tin sila kabati kapag hindi ka nila gusto. I promise to never leave your side ever again or ever meet death face to face again unless you tell me that you are ready for it. And although I don’t have to promise it, I promise to love you, always, in your highs and lows, and occasionally in the in betweens. I promise to be there, or here, or anywhere you want us to be dahil sa totoo lang, masaya na ako na magkasama tayo. Iyo ako, Ellie, palagi.”

“Hala,” Ellie sniffed as Ynes ran in front with a box of tissues to hand Ellie. “OMG ka, thank you, babes.”

“How do I start this, wait lang naiiyak talaga ako.”

“I can wait, baby,” he chuckled, reaching for her hand and squeezing it before she let out a heavy breath, gathering herself. “Okay na?”

Eli nodded before finally letting his hand go and opening her card. “I still wonder up until now how we always end up in the same route, to that house by the beach in Batangas, and somehow things would be alright when we go back. If I had known that pattern I wouldn’t have spent four longing years without you, because those years burrowed the pain so deeply inside me that it felt normal. And you waltzing back in my life like it was fucking nothing made me so mad because it felt like you were uprooting that pain again that I so badly didn’t want to feel ever again. But now that it’s uprooted and thrown way past me, I realized why it had to be done. I was never going to heal if the one causing the pain was still in me and really, thank you, because even if you don’t try, even if you just sit there yapping about how annoying I am for always insisting to do things for you, for always working for things I can just ask for, for making myself think that I am less than how you see me, you heal me, Leon. Every bruise and wound, somehow feels so much better when you’re the one who makes it feel better.”

“When we were young, Myla told us that it was possible that love was born at the same time that humanity emerged and it never stopped existing from then. It was as if humans were made to love. I was too young to realize it back then, but now that I’m old enough to admit it, Leon, I have known love ever since the day we first met. I had a clear vision of what love was like with you. I remember this memory with you in a preppy preschool daycare and me being the push over little kid that I am did what every little kid there asked me to and while now that I’ve thought of this, nothing was wrong with conformity, you took my hand back then and told the kids to do it themselves. Then it was you stepping in front of me when I was being bullied in Elementary school, then it was you always picking me in group activities because people would just ask me to do it on my own when we were in High School. You’ve protected me from things that could hurt me because as you said, there’s already too much pain in me for some lazy lowlife to add more into it. You’ve always made space for me to grow. I used to think it was unfair why you chose to let me go during college but now that I’ve reframed it, I realized that I needed that growing space. And even though it hurt you too and you were a little bitch to not admit it right away, thank you so much for giving me that space to grow. So I promise to protect you too, in the most deranged ways that you could think of. I promise to send anyone who tries to hurt you bankrupt. I promise to hold you when you’re full of emotions too. I promise to kiss you good night and good morning or whenever you ask for it. I promise to actually play the games that you put on my computer. I promise na hindi na ako magiiwan ng gamit sa bahay para wala ka nang babalikan. I promise na hindi ko na tutulugan ang mga pinapanood mo. I promise to take care of you, even when you object. I promise to get better, everyday, for you and for the life we’ll live from now on. Because in the same way that humans were made to love, when love emerged at the same time as humanity, it must not be a coincidence that I knew love from the very first day I met you. I was made for loving you, Leon and all is well if it ends well with you. Kaya pinapangako ko, na magduda man, magtaka man, maligaw o mawala man, ang bawat daan ko, Leon, ay palaging pabalik sa’yo.”

continue here (bianca and eli's conversation)

Bianca engulfed her sister-in-law in a warm embrace as soon as she opened the door. Soon after that, sniffles followed as her hold only got tighter.

The two sat there and talked about everything. Even going as far as talking about her recent split up with Liz Sim that broke Elijah half as much as it broke Bianca. It turned out that after Eli sent their company in the States bankrupt, Liz blasted her about how cruel and evil her family was—especially Elijah. And as cold as Bianca’s demeanor may be, she did not know how to take all the words said to Ellie not after everything she learned about what Liz’s family did to her Ate Ellie.

“It’s gonna be alright, bunso,” Ellie smiled at her kissing the side of her head as she cried, make-up now half ruined from all the crying she’s done. “Right now, let’s just enjoy the night, alright? We’re gonna meet people out there that’s going to treat us so much better than they did.”

“Right, hindi na’tin sila kabati,” Bianca sniffed, reaching for her handbag to retouch her makeup. 

Ellie chuckles at her. It really can’t be denied that Bianca really was raised on Leon and Tobi’s back, because behind all that cold demeanor is a childish heart that is sensitive and will break at the mere sight of their loved ones getting hurt. Leon mentioned before that he was afraid that maybe Bianca was growing up to be hard and cold, unlike how he sees Cielo, who was the complete opposite. Right now, Ellie really can’t understand why he thinks that way, because all three of them are just softies hiding behind cold facial expressions. 

“Let me help you with that,” Ellie smiled, picking up the makeup from the younger’s bag to help her do her retouches.

As soon as they were back, even with Leon still not being able to read Bianca’s messages earlier, he already knew Bianca had just finished crying. After all, he can feel his sister’s mood even from a mile away. It’s not hard to do for him anyway, especially when he had to study her facial expressions even as a baby just to know what she could possibly need even if they had nannies to do that for them.

“Girl talk, kuya,” Bianca told him right away before he could even ask. “Wag mo na muna tanungin kung anong pinagusapan namin, bukas mo na alamin.”

“Alright, well, can I have my wife back?” He chuckled at her. Bianca made a face and let go of Ellie’s hand, handing it over to her brother.

“All yours,” just then Alonzo Park arrives and asks for a dance with her youngest daughter leaving the newlyweds with each other.

“Hindi n’yo talaga sasabihin sa akin?” he asked, even trying to make puppy dog eyes to convince his wife to tell him, but Ellie already promised she would let Leon find out for himself so she really wasn’t going to say anything. So she shrugged her head.

“Did you have your things good to go na for Balesin?” Ellie asked them, starting to worry that they’d be late for everything as they’d be heading straight to their honeymoon destination straight after the party.

“Baby, Balesin is owned by Amina Myoi, what are you worrying about?” Leon laughed.

“Oh my god, Leon, don’t tell me hindi mo pa inaayos?”

Leon laughed at her wife even more before planting a soft kiss on her lips. “Naayos ko na po. Okay na, pinakaba lang kita.”

“I’m just saying na ayoko lang na makaabala tayo sa iba natin na kasama,” Ellie rolled her eyes at him. “Especially when your cousins offered pa to be the ones to bring us there! I don’t want them to think-”

“Anong sabi na’tin tungkol sa iisipin ng iba?” Leon cuts her off with a cheeky grin on his face, knowing all too well that it was discussed in front of everyone in their vows earlier.

“Yeah, whatever, it’s me you have to worry about. I don’t like being late, alam mo ‘yon,” Elijah replied to him.

—

“Baby,” Ellie calls out sternly as Leon plants yet another kiss on her neck while they were waiting in the private lounge of the airport waiting for their boarding time. “Keep your hands to yourself muna, please.”

While most of the people in the lounge were just their friends, they had some family members joining them too which meant that their little siblings could see Leon as bright as day, well, literally unable to keep his hands to himself. “Kahit ba quickie lang sa cr, baby?”

“I’m gonna have to keep you waiting, Leon. I’m sorry,” she chuckled at her husband, visibly in distress from how long he already has been holding himself back. He has already been planning how to ruin her the moment they left the wedding reception and it’s taking too much time waiting in this godforsaken lounge with so many people. 

For a good moment he regrets agreeing that they should come in the getaway destination after considering that they could literally have an entire villa to themselves and fuck the living daylights out of each other without being disrupted. His patience was running thin but he knew he had to be on his best behavior if he wanted to keep Ellie’s mood to its crisp condition right now if he wanted to get what he’s been fantasizing about for 4 hours already.

“Leon, calm the fuck down,” Ellie curses as soon as Leon pushes her down the white duvet, not seeming to give a flying fuck if they were on the bed with their outside clothes on. 

“I’m not sure if I can do that, baby,” he smirked as he hungrily pressed his lips against her, hands stealthily picking on the buttons of her light blue shirt.

“I’m all yours, love,” she chuckled, holding his face on both sides, forcing him to look at her. His eyes were dilated, blasted with both pure adoration at the woman lying under him, for the first time while they’re at their intimate activities. “Take your time, please?”

Leon then pauses, looks Ellie straight in the eye trying to see if there was hesitation lingering in her expression. There wasn’t, which was confusing to Leon, but he didn’t want to do anything that would make Eli uncomfortable. A blush creeped into her face when she realized that she might have to explain herself. 

“Are you okay, baby? P’wede naman bukas na kapag okay ka na?”

Oh god. Ellie just wanted the floor to open and swallow her whole when Leon blurted that out.

How the fuck is it possible to explain that she was fully aware how fucking big he was and she had been questioning every saint she knew of if she was capable to taking that big of a body part inside her? 

Elijah shrugged, eyes glossing in embarrassment as she tried to hide her face. 

“Baby, we can do it some other time, it’s okay-”

“No,” Eli retorts immediately, pushing herself up to a sitting position as she gathers up courage to actually say it.

“Are you sure? Saka nalang, baby–”

“Leon,” she calls, holding his face once again, forcing him to focus on her, leaning in to kiss him once again. “I want to do it, baby.” She mumbles quietly, as she turns to kiss his neck before nestling her face perfectly between the space connecting his neck and shoulder blades.

“What’s holding you back, Ellie?” he finally asks his wife, trying to pull her away from his neck but the younger remains unmoving. “Hmm?”

“I haven’t done it with anyone for quite some time,” she hummed. “And you’re malaki, Leon. I don’t want it to hurt.”

“You think it’s going to hurt?” he chuckles, finally managing to pull her away to kiss her once more making Ellie hummed against the kiss. It would be a lie to say that he didn’t take that as a compliment—the fact that she thinks he is big and the fact that she’s still willing to do it despite the impediment of it possibly hurting her.  “You want me to make it hurt less?”

“Please?” She looked at him, eyes round and glossy which really is just the most enticing thing Leon has ever seen her do.

“Okay,” Leon smiled at her fondly before carefully laying her down once again, kissing her slowly, lips moving in sync as his hands travel down to her jeans, fiddling on the silver button before finally pulling down the cold zipper.

continue here: honeymoon avenue (password authenticated; clue: color of ellie's engagement ring, 3 words, english, 15 letters, no spaces)

continue here (keeping up with the yangs chaos)

continue here (housemates' gc)

continue here (leon and eli's convo)

“Oh, bakit umiiyak ka nanaman?” Leon asked as soon as he entered the room after brushing his teeth in the bathroom. They had just come back from dinner and Elijah was, at most, tipsy from the Sangria that was served earlier.  “Bakit ka umiiyak?”

Ellie looks at him with a look that assures him that she’s not hurt. She’s just overwhelmed with emotions that feel too big for her own heart to process. Considering the amount of Sangria she had consumed with the girls earlier, her emotions were just flowing out of her. “Si iyakin talaga,” he chuckled before crawling on the bed, over the fresh bed sheets that were changed when they were in dinner.

“I’m just really happy,” she mumbled before climbing on Leon’s lap to hug him properly for comfort while Leon does what he does best, giving her deep compression by squeezing her. “I can’t believe everything turned out okay. I really hoped it was going to be okay.”

Everything was all so overwhelming but she knew she was safe. At last. All the pain, all the wandering around aimlessly in life—everything seemed to be falling back into place, here with the love of her life, holding her like nothing can take her away. 

And she really hoped it would be like that.

Because then, she knows that this was the agony was for and it was all worth it.

All that matters is that it ended up here where she is celebrated for her mere existence and for the love that she gives—it doesn’t even matter how much there is to share, the mere fact that there is love is already celebrated.

She’s finally where she truly belongs. Back to where all the turns and roundabouts lead her to. 

“I love you,” he hums, against her shoulder as he calms her down from her emotions.

Home.

“I love you, Leon.” she mumbled.

Back to Leon.

⋆.ೃ࿔*:･ characters ⋆.ೃ࿔*:･

⋆.ೃ࿔*:･ previous ⋆.ೃ࿔*:･ main post ⋆.ೃ࿔*:･

[alexandra-reads-smut]

-THE POST-

Pairing: bf!Minho x fem!reader

Summary: You hung out with Jeongin and Seungmin today. You flirted with them in a rather friendly manner. You took a vid of their reaction while you were flirting with them and posted it on your Instagram. Then Minho, of course, got jealous and punished you.

A/N: this is my first post where I actually wrote the story plz help meh I'm not good with words so tell me where I can improve (but don't be harsh, pls) and pls do tell me where in the hell do I find the word count when writing plz~~

CW: toys, double penetration in two holes with toys, crying, Minho is a straight up bitch, dubcon(?), petnames (kitten), reader gets called slut I think twice, Minho is VERY jealous, restraints/bondage, mentions of multiple of orgasms, mentions of Minho having a big cock, mentions of passing out, possessiveness. Lmk if I missed anything I didn't proofread lmao

Minho came back from work, exhausted and of course, very angry. He saw your Instagram story with Jeongin and Seungmin, when you two decided to hang out today. It seemed innocent, but you didn't know that it would stir Minho like that.

Now you're here. You were laying face-down on Minho's lap, still on his work clothes. You had both your arms tied up behind your back and your ankles were tied together too. He was abusing your pussy with a large glass dildo and your ass with a vibrating dildo.

"Agh-! M-Minho! W-wait i-it hurts..!" you scream, shaking and crying while unable to move, helpless while lying down on Minho's lap. "Shh kitten. Take it, take your punishment. Don't make me more angry than you already did." said Minho while he continued to abuse both of your holes, pulling it in and out. He didn't prep your ass that well either. Well he did, but he didn't put enough lube, to make it just a tad bit painful.

"Did you really think you would get away with that post hm? So you posting a video of you purposely flirting with Jeongin and Seungmin will go unnoticed by me, Kitten?" he said in a condescending tone while he kept abusing your poor little holes. "It hurts! M-Minho-! A-ahh!" you screamed while your seventh orgasm of tonight came undone. You wish it was his cock, you wish it was his big cock that was abusing you instead of those toys.

"Say sorry and I'll fuck you with my cock." Minho said while he thrusts the two toys faster, overstimulating you again.

"S-sorry! Ahh!"

"Sorry for what hm, Kitten?"

"Sorry for flirting with them!"

"Louder, you slut." He spanks your ass and thrusted the two toys faster.

"Sorry for flirting with Jeongin and Seungmin!"

"Good. And was it necessary to post it as an Instagram story? Huh?"

"N-No! It wasn't! I'm stupid! I'm a bad kitten!"

Minho then pulled on the leash of your collar and let you face him, leaving the two toys inside of you.

"Tell me, who do you belong to?"

"Y-you..I belong to you Minho, nobody else."

"That's right. So all those sweet little words you uttered out of your slutty mouth to Seungmin and Jeongin are reserved for ME and only me. You understand?"

"Y-Yes, Minho."

"Very well."

Minho then lowered his head to your exposed back and left hickeys all over it. Covering the soft skin in purple bruises. He took out the toys and untied you.

"We're not done, kitten. Your holes need to be ravaged with my cock too. I'll let you cum so many times you pass out." He said in a scary, yet so sexy voice. He let you lay on your back on the bed and took his massive cock out, lining it with your entrance.

Now there you know..oh boy. You're in for a long, intense night.

[bradshawssugarbaby]

Timeless - III (Bob Floyd x Reader)

A/N: As promised, part 3 in time for my birthday (scheduled to post at the exact minute I was born bc why not)! It's not my finest work, but I'm relatively happy with it. Also, I done goofed and gave OC a name but tagged it as "x reader" - please feel free to just pretend the character's name isn't there, I just didn't want to write "Y/N" over and over and over again - it's written from the reader's perspective so I'm leaving it as "x reader" (also bc I'm lazy and like the parts to all match so).

pairing: Lt. Robert Floyd x reader

warnings/content: mutual pining, some angst, swearing, mildly steamy makeout sesh, Bob drops a bombshell on miss girl.

word count: 1.6k

one - two - three -

You blinked slowly as you tried to comprehend what Bob had just said. You looked at him in disbelief, letting out an awkward laugh as you felt your blood beginning to boil at his words. As much as you’d missed him, pined for him, and longed for him over the last decade, you were frustrated by the fact that this could have been avoided easily ten years ago if you or Bob had just swallowed your pride and said something to one another. While you knew you were just as much to blame on that part, it was Bob who walked away in the end, and in this moment, you couldn’t help but resent him for leaving you, then proclaiming he missed you for so long without ever so much as attempting to make contact. He at least could have asked his mother to speak to yours and provide him the contact information necessary to talk to you - you didn’t have that luxury, a) because he was often away at sea, and b) because he had left you without as much as a goodbye, leaving you under the impression that he didn’t want to see you. For some reason, hearing Bob’s admission made something inside you snap, you suddenly felt bitter and cold towards him for leaving you in the first place. 

“You missed me? Do I need to remind you that it was YOU who walked away 10 years ago? Christ, Bobby, you didn’t even have the balls to come say goodbye to me before you fucked off,” you spat angrily. 

“Listen, Krissy, let me explain,” Bob began, a pleading look in his eyes as he tried to calm you down.

“First of all, my name is Kristen. No one has called me Krissy in years. Not since you left. Secondly, I’ve been waiting, praying, hoping you’d call me. You don’t get to come back after years and hit me with this romantic “I’ve missed you so much” bullshit when you haven’t even as much as attempted to get ahold of me over the years. Do you know how many nights I spend crying when you left, wondering what the hell I did wrong to not deserve a goodbye from you? I thought I was finally over you too, and then you show back up here and remind me all over again just how fucking much I loved you. How much I still love you, and how no other man is ever going to compare to you,” You exhaled sharply as you finished ranting, shaking your head as hot tears stung your cheeks as they fell. 

“Wait, you love me?” Bob frowned as he shook his head, his blue eyes welling up with tears as he looked at you.

“For fuck sake, Bob, out of all that, this is what part stuck with you? Not the part about me needing an explanation as to why the hell you thought it was ok to just abandon your best friend?” 

Before you could continue ranting, you felt Bob’s lips crash into yours, his hands firmly grabbing your waist to pull you into his body. His grip on you was tight and passionate as his lips continued to kiss at yours, and you couldn’t help but moan softly as his tongue gently traced along your bottom lip, almost begging for entry to your mouth. You pulled away breathlessly and shook your head, looking at Bob with a completely bewildered stare.

“Care to explain that outburst, Lieutenant Floyd?” You raised an eyebrow at him and folded your arms across your chest, your gaze intense enough to make Bob worry he’d burst into flames if you didn’t look away from him. 

“Listen, Kristen, I’ve always loved you. I assumed you just…didn’t.” He shrugged his shoulders sheepishly as he blushed, pushing his glasses up the bridge of his nose, “I wanted to tell you, I really did, but every time I got myself psyched up to do it, I’d chicken out and back off. And then I sort of tried to forget about you - threw myself into my naval career, made sure I was one of the best WSOs in the United States, got into Top Gun, I tried my damnest to forget you, Kristen. I really did.”

Bob let out a sigh as he shook his head, his blonde hair becoming perfectly tousled as it broke free from its uniform combed back look. He frowned at you before opening his mouth, hesitating before he spoke, his voice almost in a whisper as the words came out.

“I couldn’t forget about you no matter how hard I tried. I tried dating and throwing myself into my career, I tried forcing myself to see a future with other women, but no matter how hard I tried to force it, it just made me realize I wanted you more. Then I came home and found out you’d moved to New York from Mama, and I wanted to go there and see you - I’d fully planned on coming over here and asking your folks where you lived so I could go visit, try and convince you to listen to me and give me the chance I know that I don’t deserve, and then, as I was getting my coffee the other day, planning on how the fuck I was going to do this all, you walked in and complete threw me off guard, but I love it. It just reminded me more that…that this is the right thing to do, Kristen. I could leave the entire US Navy behind, just walk away and never look back, but I cannot in good conscience leave South Carolina without telling you how I feel.” 

You sighed softly, shaking your head and frowning as your gaze met the floor, completely at a loss for words. You wanted so badly to stay mad at him for leaving without a word, but hearing that Bob had felt the same way you had for the last ten years, it made you soften towards him once again, another gentle sigh escaping your lips before you spoke, looking up to meet his cobalt blue eyes once again.

“Robert Floyd, are you saying that you love me as much as I love you?” You finally said, letting out a sharp breath that you hadn’t even realized you’d been holding in. 

“I believe that’s exactly what I’m saying, Kristen.” He laughed softly, raising an eyebrow as he gently reached his hand out to touch your cheek, wiping a tear away with his thumb, “I never wanted to hurt you, Krissy. I just, I was a shy and awkward 18 year old who was in love with my best friend, and I didn’t know how to tell you. I was scared you’d reject me and I decided I’d rather live with the fact that you just didn’t know how I felt, than risk telling you and you shooting me down faster than I can shoot down an enemy aircraft.”

“For a smart man, you’re kind of a dumbass, you know that, Lieutenant Floyd?” You laughed and shook your head to rid your eyes of any remaining tears that threatened to fall. 

“I know I am,” Bob grinned at you, leaning in to kiss at your cheek, just below your ear. As he pressed his lips to your soft skin, he murmured sweetly into your ear, “But, I’m your favourite dumbass, right?” 

You felt Bob’s lips turn up into a smile against your cheek, his face hovering against your skin for a moment longer as he took in the familiar scent of your perfume, the same one you’d worn since you’d turned 16 years old. His hand found his way around the small of your back as his lips trailed across your cheek playfully. When he pulled away, he gently tucked your hair behind your ear and smiled.

“What happens now? Because, knowing how you feel now, I can’t leave for San Diego without us deciding what to do about it.”

As you were about to answer, you heard your brother calling up the stairs to you both.

“Hey, Ma says to hurry it up with the serving trays, and Dad says to stop fooling around up there like a coupl’a teenagers on prom night,” You could hear your brother’s laughter echoing from the bottom of the attic staircase as he spoke. Your sister’s giggle could be heard in unison with his, and you shook your head as you shot Bob a sympathetic look.

“Nice to see they haven’t changed in the slightest,” Bob laughed softly as he grabbed two of the serving trays and smiled before leaning in to give you a peck on the cheek, “I should probably head back to my Ma’s for dinner before she starts sending out a search party, but maybe after Thanksgiving dinner is over, we can talk?” His voice sounded hopeful as he spoke.

“Absolutely,” You nodded quickly, trying to stop your cheeks from turning bright scarlet red as he kissed you, “On one condition though,” you started.

“What’s that?” 

“You promise to keep kissing me until you make me blush,” You smirked at him as you kissed his cheek, carefully straightening out his hair for him before sending him back downstairs to where your family was surely all discussing the possibilities of what could have taken place between you both in that attic.

[mixelation]

#5, #12 and #39 for the first askgame

get to know your fic writer

5. Do you like constructive criticism?

Talking about "constructive criticism" is often a trap, especially in fic circles, because everyone likes using this term but no one knows what it means. The word "constructive" implies utility to the writer and the writer's goals for their story; it does not mean the reader just says whatever they want "improved"/changed, no matter how nice or "helpful" you are about it. You cannot give constructive feedback to a writer unless you understand the context in which they wrote their fic and what their goals for it are. In other words, it is impossible to give "constructive criticism" unless the writer has actively communicated to you what they specifically want out of feedback. You must also then respect what the writer wants; giving feedback based on what you as a reader want out of a fic is unlikely to be useful to the writer unless their goal is to be as appealing as possible to your tastes (which.... don't assume that, jfc).

Many people in fandom cry "constructive criticism!" when they want to make demands from a writer to cater to their personal preferences, often with a little side of harassment. So, I might ask a question to readers with the hope of someone giving me actual constructive feedback, but no, I don't like "constructive criticism" in the way fandom at large uses it.

Also, sometimes the stuff I post was written on my phone on a bus, for my own entertainment. Why would I want constructive criticism on that?

12. How does receiving or not receiving feedback/support impact you?

I mostly write for my own entertainment. Sometimes the idea that someone will say something nice to me motivates me to push through on projects. Like, if I were 100% writing for myself, I would probably just not write a lot of otherwise "boring" scenes that are necessary for flow or info. But a lack of support probably wouldn't stop me from writing.

39. Share a snippet from a WIP.

from chapter 19 of Plasticity:

The filling of the first onigiri she bit into was incredibly spicy. She did her best to pretend it was totally normal, even as her sinuses started to run. The second onigiri was also spicy.  “I seem to have made a mistake,” Obito said, and then made an exaggerated noise of sucking snot back up into his nose.  “Why do you keep doing this?” Tori asked. “You know I like spicy food. It’s not going to work.” She was, actually, in tears. She shoved another bite into her face. She wanted to go buy more tea, but that would be admitting defeat.  “That’s why I keep doing it. Eventually it will work,” Obito replied, and he was close enough to her that she could see the rims of his eyes were red. “Russian roulette isn’t a fun game.” “Well, you’re playing it wrong.”

[bestworstcase]

I found your blog via your post about yang and strength, got really interested, and then I ended up reading through a loooooot of your rwby commentary, and now I’ve got a question for you, if you don’t mind: Is it okay to want Penny to come back? I’ve read a lot of your analysis of her story arc and character, specifically that giant post you wrote about her in november 2021. i um, have definitely been guilty of wanting her to come back a whole lot. I’ve definitely done some frantic and outlandish theorycrafting to cope, but also I really do see what you mean about how her atlas arc is meant to be a tragic ending, so I don’t know how to reconcile my appreciation for the show’s story with my desire of just… really wanting to see her again?

This isn’t me asking you about whether or not she might come back because I’ve made my peace with whatever happens, this is just me asking if like… am I entitled or ungrateful for missing her so much that it makes me cry when such a wonderful story is being told in the show as a whole?

of course it’s okay!!!

the fact that her death had such a profound and lasting emotional impact on you speaks to the strength of the storytelling and the care that the writers poured into her character. tragedy aspires to incite the feelings you’re describing for the purpose of emotional release; catharsis is the whole reason tragedy exists at all.

you’re not just allowed to cry—you’re meant to. you’re supposed to care deeply that she’s gone. it matters. the story grieves for her and it’s inviting you to grieve too. when ruby breaks down over losing penny, it’s okay to be right there with her emotionally.

wanting her to come back or hoping that she might is a natural aspect of that feeling. theorizing—even in a grasping at straws kind of way—is a natural way to process that feeling. so is writing or reading “fix-it” fic or other kinds of AUs where penny survives or returns or never endured that ordeal in the first place. inherent to catharsis is the idea that letting painful feelings out is not only good but necessary for emotional well-being.

(you are also under no obligation to like every creative decision a story makes and it is entirely okay to feel like penny dying in v8 lessened your enjoyment of the story overall, if that’s how you feel. by no means do you owe it to any story to like everything about it just because it’s written well.)

what is entitled is the attitude held by a specific subset of hardcore penny 3.0 theorists that penny’s death was something bad that the writers did to the audience that they now have an obligation to “fix” or “make right”—often accompanying a sentiment along the lines of “why even bring her back if they were just going to kill her off?” and dismissal of her entire presence in the atlas arc as “just fanservice,” sometimes with the implication that the writers took advantage of penny fans only to stab them in the back.

the entitlement comes from the failure or refusal to recognize that the writer’s room does not revolve around what penny fans would like to happen (or indeed fans of any other character) and a narrative turn that upsets you is not something that the writers have done to hurt you. it’s entitled to act like the writers owe it to you to bring a character back to life, which was the general tenor of a lot of high-profile penny 3.0 discourse back in 2021 although the attitude has mellowed since then.

(& just in case: if you, personally, were in the category of penny fans who felt outraged or hurt back then and wanted to demand that the writers make it up to you by reviving her, and you’ve since reflected on those feelings and moved on from them to—as you say—make peace with whatever the story has planned, That Is Also Okay, and you should not beat yourself up over it. this is not something you need to feel guilty about.)

as for how to reconcile appreciating the story for what it is and still feeling like crying when you think about penny… i mean this completely in earnest, even if you’ve never written anything before in your life, try writing a fanfic where she lives or finds her way back or her friends manage to save her. not just reading or looking at fanart—i do think that there is really something to be said for making your own fanworks. writing or drawing gives you a degree of control over what happens in your story or artwork that you can’t get anywhere else and that can be a very comforting outlet when mourning a character.

you’re okay.

[abitchnamedtia]

It's simply not working

Moody x reader

TW : none

Infos : sad and angsty lol, gn reader

I haven't posted in a while but you all can say that you to my ex for breaking my heart and inspiring to write that lol.

I hope you'll enjoy :))

You tried. You really tried. But you had to face the reality : it's not working.

Of course you loved him. With all your heart and soul. But it wasn't enough. You can't build a relationship only with love.

At first you made compromises. Accepting his paranoia, his constant vigilance. And you tried to communicate as best as you could. But he didn't tried. He was too stubborn to let you know how he felt. He got angry at you, to say sorry after. He rejected your affection only to ask for it when you were both alone. Of course it wasn't his fault. He never wanted to hurt you. But at the end of the day, he still did.

You could not stay the only one to build relationship, you could not cry anymore because of him. It had to stop.

Then one day, you sat on the bed next to him. And deep down he knew. That it was the end....

"I love you Alastor. But I can't let you hurt me no more... I tried to make this work... But it doesn't."

You were shaking while talking. You were looking at him, it was painful but necessary.

When he looked at you, you understood that he knew. How hurt you were, how he messed up.

"I know, love"

A few tears rolled down your cheeks.

"I love you Alastor. I really do... And I think that I'll always do. But right now... I can't. We can't.."

Alastor nodded before speaking. He wasn't crying but his voice was weak.

"I am sorry. I know I'm at fault for hurting you"

"It's not your fault. We didn't handle everything like we should have..."

He took your hand in his, small gesture of comfort.

"I never wanted to hurt you. I would've wanted to be the man you deserved. The only thing that ever mattered to me was your happiness but..."

His voice broke and he bite his lips. It was hard for the both of you. Feeling your soft skin with his hand was too much, almost hurtful, so he let go your hand.

"You made me happy. You really did. And maybe one day you'll make me happy again but... Right now it's impossible"

"I know love... I know.."

He couldn't think about something to say, or do. He wanted to make you stay, to beg, to cry. But Alastor wasn't a selfish man. Your wellbeing came first.

When you started to cry, his heart broke. But he didn't took you in his arms. How could he? He couldn't, knowing it was his fault. He couldn't make you stay. He couldn't live knowing that he made you miserable.

You got up quickly. You knew that if you stayed now, you'll never leave. And you'll continue to be miserable. You saw in eyes that he understood. He always did... Quickly you dried your tears and looked one last time at him. Of course, you'll see him again. But not like that. Not in his bed. You'll never kiss him again, hold him close. You'll have to forgot his touch, the feeling of his skin against yours... His vulnerable admissions of love late at night, his next to your ear, his hands in your hairs...

"Goodbye Alastor..."

"Goodbye, love"

And then you left. Just like that. A few steps and it was definitely the end. A few steps and the love of your life suddenly became just an acquaintance. Even when it has been bad sometimes... Some other times it has been so beautiful. So sweet...

But you faced the reality. It simply didn't work.